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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Last Angry Fan)		Zimbabwean rugby player nicknamed "Beast" performs clean-and-jerk with 247-pound teammate to make impressive catch  (lastangryfan.com)	(6)
		Most people make less than $500/year if they self-publish on Amazon. Which makes sense when you realize they name their murder mysteries titles like "The Celibate Mouse"  (observer.com)	(38)

		♫ John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, His name is my name, too. ♪ Whenever we go out, The people always shout, There goes JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT♫ ...Now that that's in your brain for the weekend, let me tell you why  (cnn.com)	(45)
		Come listen to a story about a man named John / A poor farmer, barely kept his family fed / Then one day he was growin' up some food / And up from the ground came a bubblin' crude / Oil that is, black gold, Kansas tea  (money.cnn.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)		Unnamed cable reality show trolling Craigslist for South Floridians who have "atypical relationship with food." The things people will do for an Emmy  (blogs.browardpalmbeach.com)	(15)

		Luke Russert "is emblematic of the sort of nepotism that gives nepotism a bad name"  (salon.com)	(98)
		You'd probably squawk, too, if some government busybody named your kids "Archie" and "Juliette"  (upi.com)	(17)
		One man's insane 17 year quest to change the name of the St. Louis Rams will come to an end when the team moves in a few years  (stltoday.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)		Meanwhile in North Carolina... With bonus irony for the town name  (addictinginfo.org)	(243)
(Edmonton Journal)		Owners of hipster lunch spot MRKT unhappy that bigger restaurant group is opening hipster gastropub MKT nearby and claims they picked similar name "because it reflects a trend in the United States toward abbreviation"  (edmontonjournal.com)	(31)
		RON PAUL has already won. This is bad news for anyone not named RON PAUL   (communities.washingtontimes.com)	(177)

You're mad because you think the assistant principal took your son's iPod. Do you: A) Talk with the principal? B) File a complaint with the district? C) Make a fake profile on a porn site under the assistant principal's name?  (azcentral.com)

(36)

(sec.gov)

Some guy named Mark Zuckerberg sold 30.2 million shares of FB common stock at $37.58. These damn daytraders... I tell ya  (sec.gov)

(39)

		Roger Clemens juror asks Brian McNamee why they should believe he injected steroids into an angry man who once threw a broken bat at Mike Piazza and whose fastball was the same speed well into his 40s as when he was a rookie  (espn.go.com)	(82)
		Marlins RF Giancarlo Stanton goes "Operation Codename: The Natural" on Miami's HR / Pachinko machine  (scores.espn.go.com)	(9)

(NBC Miami)		Quick fix for a soccer tournament PR nightmare: Distract from human rights abuse charges with an "oracle hog"  (nbcmiami.com)	(28)
		Ryan Briscoe wins the pole for the Indianapolis 500 by just nine inches using advanced Chevy engine, hood ornament from a 1957 Buick  (indystar.com)	(39)
		Roy Brooks(D) vs Roy Brooks(D): Two Texas candidates with same name but different genders are running for the same office  (dailymail.co.uk)	(35)
		West Staines Ghetto to be renamed West Staines-on-Thames Ghetto. Respect  (guardian.co.uk)	(38)
		Nobody's gonna be afraid of you in jail if your nickname is Skidmark  (upi.com)	(19)

Town upset that their landmark is going to be destroyed in the name of progress. That landmark? A scrapyard  (desmoinesregister.com)

(37)

(Fedro)		Can Barnett get past Cornier without pissing his pants hot. Can the "Black Fedor" break his hand against the WarMaster veteran and win the Tournament? Strikeforce Barnett Vs Cornier tonight on Showtime Extreme, 8:00 PM ET  (mixedmartialarts.com)	(287)
		Anthony Bourdain reveals why avalanche of hate mail from Paula Deen fans scared him so thoroughly: "Most of them couldn't spell her last name"  (nypost.com)	(148)
		NASA's Google Map shows where tomorrow night's annular eclipse can be seen from Earth. Sorry, states not named California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, New Mexico, and Texas  (pcworld.com)	(65)
		Apple traditionally names its OS platforms after cats: Mountain Lion is the current version, then Lion, Snow Leopard, Leopard, Tiger, Panther, Jaguar, Puma, and Cheetah. How many other cat species are left?  (latimes.com)	(167)
(albuquerque news)		New Mexico governor issues drought warning, names buzzard as the new state bird  (bizjournals.com)	(33)

Eight teen girls, all with the same last name, pull off a yearbook Nguyễn  (shine.yahoo.com)

(155)

		Got $26 to spend at a Texas Rangers game? There's a 2 foot long bratwurst named after Josh Hamilton you can get with that  (blog.pennlive.com)	(26)
		News: Tebow sues t-shirt vendor for using his name. Fark: T-shirt doesn't refer to Tebow, it refers to Jesus  (foxnews.com)	(53)
		Canada bounced from medal round of the World Hockey Championship. Which is okay since this isn't a real tournament anyway, eh?  (tsn.ca)	(138)
		The name is Acula. Dr. Acula  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(27)

(Some Guy)		Snooki promises to give up tanning while pregnant, will name the baby Mel ... for melanoma  (usmagazine.com)	(25)
		Despite years of trying to grow the donor pool, replacement organs are still in critically short supply for people whose names aren't Dick Cheney or Steve Jobs. The solution? Tax credits for organ donors  (npr.org)	(169)
		Mitt Romney awkwardly avoids referring to George W. Bush by name, presumably because his name has been removed from his programming   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(40)
		Old and busted: Obama was born in Kenya. New hotness: Obama's grandfather was a CIA agent who convinced Barack Obama Sr. to marry his daughter to hide the fact that she was impregnated by a 55-year-old communist named Frank Marshall Davis   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(77)

		Jeff Flake (R-AZ 6) lives up to his name  (washingtonpost.com)	(181)
		"I predict in the year 2020, New York and other enlightened states will decriminalize the world's oldest profession, namely prostitution. And I'd like to give a shout-out to Billy Ray Cyrus"  (myfoxdc.com)	(37)
		Forbes names "the worst CEO of a large publicly traded American company today," and four others who should already be fired. Subby suggests firing whoever split this into 3 pages  (forbes.com)	(22)

		If you think baby names are getting stupider than ever, you can thank reality TV and religion  (sfgate.com)	(263)
		My name is Scotland. And I'm an alcoholic  (bbc.co.uk)	(53)
		Kodak bankruptcy goodies: Kodak name, a plethora of patents, weapons grade nuclear reactor hidden in basement in NY  (gizmodo.com)	(123)

The arrest of a punk band with one of the greatest band names ever highlights a major conflict in Russian politics and culture going on now: the Russian Orthodox church vs. people who think they've become toadies for Putin  (news.yahoo.com)

(50)

Soccer player names his HORSE after his wife...and expects her to be pleased  (dailystar.co.uk)

(10)

		BioShock Infinite lives up to its name in regards to development time  (ign.com)	(35)
(NBCDFW)		It takes nine years for school to be taught how to spell its own name  (nbcdfw.com)	(39)
		Seattle Times thinks this Fark headline is a real winner. "Redskins officially name RG3 as starting quarterback, ending weeks of non-speculation"   (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(0)

Nebraska man officially changes his name to "Tyrannosaurus Rex." With helpful picture of what he may now look like  (foxnews.com)

(71)

		Today Iran is outraged because: A) Of a proposed international economic boycott? B) Of a proposed UN weapons inspection? C) Google left the Persian Gulf nameless?  (mnn.com)	(70)
		New York Post columnist who suggested that the Brooklyn Nets be renamed to the New York N*****s, with a pistol as their logo, wonders if there was something he shouldn't have said  (nymag.com)	(84)
		Redskins officially name RG3 as starting quarterback, ending weeks of non-speculation  (msn.foxsports.com)	(18)

You're a federal fugitive wanted by the U.S. Marshals. Do you: A) Flee to Mexico? B) Flee to Canada? C) Pose as a disc jockey named 'RoboCraig' at a bar and grill in Oregon?  (oregonlive.com)

(28)

		In other news, the guy that makes up the bandit names has the weekend off  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(59)
		Meanwhile in Canada: "Mathews had previously traced the false calls to a phone registered to "Pierre Poutine," which he determined is likely a fake name"  (cbc.ca)	(95)

		A perfect example of why the Heartland Institute is not called the Brainland Institute, and why they probably should have been named after their more Floridian organs  (washingtonpost.com)	(132)
(Some Guy)		Who developed the strategy to get Bin Laden? We now know it was a young CIA agent named Rebecca  (wapo.st)	(151)
		Woman gives herself a new name....well, actually 161 new names. Still no match for Emperor Spiderman Gandalf Wolverine Skywalker Optimus Prime Goku Sonic Xavier Ryu Cloud Superman Heman Batman Thrash  (bbc.co.uk)	(38)

Coach with speech impediment named to head England's national soccer team. The Sun is thewe  (smh.com.au)

(13)

		Jessica Simpson gives birth to 9lb, 13oz baby. Gives it the best porn name ever: Max Johnson. Fark: It's a girl  (eonline.com)	(136)
		Documents recovered from the raid that killed Osama bin Laden show he wanted to rename Al Qaeda to something less identified with "failure after failure". Unfortunately for him, "Congress" was already taken  (openchannel.msnbc.msn.com)	(71)

		London council to residents: "Thanks for all your complaints about drug addicts causing problems. Due to an administrative error we have given your names and phone numbers to the drug addicts....we're good though, right?"  (bbc.co.uk)	(73)
		Castalia Macula, Caloris Montes, Baba-Jaga Chasma, and Chryse Chaos: rejected Star Wars character names, or geographic features on other planets?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(17)

		Bob Geldof, whose daughters include Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches, and Little Pixie, complains about his grandson's unusual name  (dailymail.co.uk)	(47)
		2013 Ford Mustang 5.8-liter, 662 horsepower engine named world's most powerful production V-8. Idle consumer interest suddenly revs up  (content.usatoday.com)	(97)
(kmvt)		Bakersfield, California named as the city with the worst air quality in the nation. However, if you're stuck in Bakersfield the poor air quality is probably the least of your annoyances  (kmvt.com)	(89)
		If you get caught secretly filming your hot neighbor in the bathroom, own up to your actions. Don't blame it on an imaginary nephew named Aaron  (azcentral.com)	(57)

		New subatomic particle discovered at CERN made up of a combination of quarks that only exist for a fraction of a second before divorcing. Particle tentatively named "The Kardash-ion"  (sciencedaily.com)	(69)
		State department denies restaurant its trademark request because its name is "immoral and deceptive" Well if you don't like it, then Fuku  (wptv.com)	(66)

(Some Guy)

1917: Eight year old boy named William Lawlis Pace gets shot in the head. 2012: Pace dies in his sleep at age 103 with the bullet still in place, setting a world record  (modbee.com)

(46)

Howard Johnson to offer free hotel stays to men named Don Draper. You'll have to pay for your own martinis, though  (cnews.canoe.ca)

(38)

		Right wing anti-tax group files paperwork under the hilarious and fitting name "Citizens Apposed to the Library Project"  (blogs.indystar.com)	(183)
		Not News: Man finds a ball on an Alaskan beach. News: With the name of Japanese boy on it. Fark: His wife is Japanese. Ultrafark: They contact the boy who lost everything in the tsunami, and arrange to have the ball sent back. Holyfark: Twice  (wivb.com)	(66)

(Some Guy)		Many of the Native American names in the game were "excruciating," Hutchinson remembered. "Some of them had so many vowels we said 'fark it, give us another one'"  (penny-arcade.com)	(33)
		FYI, PFA of FA name RVP of EPL POTY  (soccernet.espn.go.com)	(18)
		Mitt Romney doesn't have a list of VP Candidates yet, just a piece of paper with a bunch of names crossed out  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(27)
		Facebook is good for all sorts of things, such as sharing photos, planning events, exchanging recipes, informing military wives of their husbands' death in Afghanistan-- and that's just to name just a few  (newsfeed.time.com)	(72)

		List of America's best doughnut shops not named Voodoo Doughnuts  (travel.yahoo.com)	(184)
		America's most famous comic is a man by the name of Kevin Hart. So why isn't he more famous?  (slate.com)	(92)

		Tom Davis (R-ret.): There are still centrist Republicans out there, but I won't name a single one because they'll probably lose their next primary to some Tea Partier  (washingtonpost.com)	(120)
		American Airlines and U.S. Airways agree to terms of merger. "We seek to create an airline that combines the low on-time performance of American with the horrendous customer service that has made U.S. Airways a household name"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(75)
		Chinese company names sunglasses after Helen Keller  (newsfeed.time.com)	(117)
(Some Guy)		Mel Gibson wears "top-notch Hollywood prosthetic" masks when he goes out to dinner, makes reservations under the name "Castor Troy"  (thewrap.com)	(50)
		NCAA seeks to rename University of Oregon football team the Smokin' Ducks  (espn.go.com)	(21)
		Alabama bans beer over dirty name, you know, for the children. The name? "Dirty Bastard" Bonus: State approved the sale of "Fat Bastard" wine and "Raging biatch" beer  (foxnews.com)	(79)

		Chicken industries will now be doing their own inspections of chickens before they leave the factory. I'm okay with this because big business has never cut safety measures or regulations in the name of profits  (news.yahoo.com)	(98)
		FDA proposes corn syrup to be called corn sugar. In similar news saturated fat to be renamed artery thickener  (usatoday.com)	(199)

		Ted Nugent, aka "The Nuge" Aka "The Motor City Madman" has earned a new nickname after his speech to the NRA: "The Target of a Secret Service investigation"  (abcnews.go.com)	(291)
		15% of all laws passed by this Congress have been to name post offices and other Federal buildings. It's nice to know there's nothing pressing that needs Congressional attention  (dailykos.com)	(64)
		Kentucky starting line up to return for another NCAA tournament run........just kidding, they are all going pro  (ajc.com)	(94)

Terrified pub patrons getting bum-pinched by a cheeky ghoul who goes by the name of Grasper the friendly ghost. Oh the HORROR  (thesun.co.uk)

(27)

(NBCChicago)

Hey Kelsey Grammer -- if you've been married four times, it's probably not a good idea to ink your latest wife's name on your waist  (nbcchicago.com)

(50)

		A bomb blast, an ambulance stolen and a man named either Maggie, Shadow or Spartacus clutching a potato. Just your average Saturday night in Tarpon Springs  (tampabay.com)	(37)
		Bad: Man leaves for two weeks and comes back to find his car missing. Worse: Because of a DVLA loophole it was taken and scrapped. Fark: He's a barber named George Harrison  (dailyrecord.co.uk)	(72)
		George Washington named Britain's greatest ever foe  (telegraph.co.uk)	(219)
		Fox News' Roger Ailes says Soledad O'Brien was named after a prison; O'Brien: 'Um, I was named after the Virgin Mary'  (mediaite.com)	(153)

(Some Guy)

Lots of baby girls born this year will probably live to Rue the name their parents give them in a fit of "Hunger Games" fandom  (moms.today.msnbc.msn.com)

(131)

Matt Groening: "I never said Springfield [from 'The Simpsons'] was in Oregon; I said Springfield was the name of my sled"  (myfoxdc.com)

(82)

Adding to the things Detroit can be proud of, they have just been named the biggest Nickelback market in the world  (mlive.com)

(41)

Potential VP nominee and all-around nutball Allen West has it on good authority that up to 80 House Dems are Communists. No, he isn't naming names. You'll just have to take his word for it  (palmbeachpost.com)

(163)

(Some Guy)		When they name a jail for you, they'll un-name it once you're serving time there  (mega949.com)	(56)
		If you ask George W. Bush what he regrets about his presidency, it isn't the failure to capture or kill Bin Laden, or starting two drawn out wars. No, he regrets his name being attached to some deficit driving tax cuts  (money.cnn.com)	(148)
		Greetings, my name is Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, and I greatly need your assistance with gaining control of a large sum of money  (money.cnn.com)	(28)

(MiamiMarlins.com)

The Miami Marlins forgot one thing when they renamed the team  (miamimarlins.com)

(109)

Lawrence Cobbold has filled every room in his three-bedroom house with a 21,600-strong collection of bird ornaments. Why yes ladies, he is single  (mirror.co.uk)

(64)

(Some Biker)		Teen finds wallet stuffed full of cash. Turns it in. Please don't make fun of her name. Or her tee-shirt. She did the right thing  (wmur.com)	(176)
		Denmark named happiest country as most men start off the morning by nibbling on a Danish  (telegraph.co.uk)	(33)

(Some Guy)

Not news: Profits of well-known phone manufacturer with three-letter name continue to nosedive. Fark: For once, it's not RIM  (electronista.com)

(32)

(NBC)		Were it not for a transvestite prostitute named Lucille the world might never have experienced baseball 'walk-up' songs  (nbcnewyork.com)	(35)
		The underlying question behind this years' otherwise entertaining GOP primary season is when (not if) the religious right will move on from the Republican-in-name-only Republican Party  (thedailybeast.com)	(90)

		Protip: If you ever plan on giving the police a false identity, don't tattoo your real name on your forearm  (hosted.ap.org)	(45)
		Presenting 21 people who had no idea that the movie Titanic was based on a real event. And shockingly, none of them are named Palin or Simpson  (huffingtonpost.com)	(148)
		How bad can meth and hookers mess you up? How about going from Sheriff of the Year to being locked up in the jail they named after you?  (foxnews.com)	(52)

		Underground Vietnamese restaurant on Sunset Boulevard has industrial decor and all the hipster trimmings, including bartender who wears World Dodgeball Society T-shirt and asks if your food is "pho-bulous"   (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(41)
(Some Guy)		Calling all Farkers: City of Dacula needs name for new park  (dacula.patch.com)	(80)

(Some Guy)		NAIA recipe contest runs in conjunction with NAIA women's basketball tournament. Title IX seen hiding in the corner under a big tray of delicious potato chip cookies  (siouxcityjournal.com)	(20)
		Joanna Krupa, named sexiest swimsuit model in the world, playing beach volleyball in Miami. Your prayers have been answered  (dailymail.co.uk)	(49)
(NY Review of Books)		A: He was a charming, immature, and fearless adventurer. Psychiatrists named a Syndrome for him about slackers like The Dude, but his pedophile creator named him for a god. He inspired Michael Jackson, and he's usually played by women  (nybooks.com)	(62)

		Federal Court throws out FEC rules that allowed super-PAC donors to remain anonymous. At least now we'll get to learn the names of our government's owners  (huffingtonpost.com)	(119)
		The level of excitement goes up and down in Minnesota Crossword Tournament. How to recognize the pros? They use ink  (upi.com)	(9)

(Some Guy)		Settling down and marrying the mail-order Vietnamese bride of your dreams is about to get a lot harder  (forums.asiaone.com)	(101)
(Some Guy)		Games Workshop cancels the Warhammer 40k MMO and decides that it will no longer support Warhammer tournaments, the main way it promotes its overpriced products  (theback40k.blogspot.com.au)	(88)

		3 former Marines work with craft brewer to create special tribute brew for Marines killed in chopper crash. Proceeds will help build scholarship fund for the families of the deceased. Brew is named 'Homage'  (wtkr.com)	(63)
(WLUK)		News: Over 900,000 names placed on petition to recall Scott Walker. More news: Only five names removed as fake. Fark: It turns out that someone actually did name their kid "Fungky Van Den Elzen"  (fox11online.com)	(313)

(More Intelligent Life)		Most interesting article about restaurant names you'll read all day. Subby's favorites are Aunt Chilada's, Thaitanic, Vin sur Vin, Untitled, Frying Nemo, and Dinner (where you can get lunch)  (moreintelligentlife.com)	(117)
		Vanessa Hudgens + Selena Gomez + Ashley Benson filming in bikinis = You don't care about the name of the new movie  (dailymail.co.uk)	(70)

		Some thug named Tyson has been beating the crap out of boat users on a two-mile stretch of the UK's longest canal. Yeah, he's just a swan with a whopping 8ft wingspan, but still  (thesun.co.uk)	(23)
		Pennsylvanian Republicans expected to look upon the GOP primary ballot, see their old Senator's name, and say "Oh, hell no"  (latimes.com)	(106)

		If you were to ask 1,000 Farkers to name the best thing about Women's Beach Volleyball, 999 of them will give you the same answer. The other one sits on the Olympic Wardrobe Committee  (sports.yahoo.com)	(84)
		Japanese Court to Google: You must turn off your auto-complete feature because this man is offended at what it returns for his name. Google: how do you say "Bite me, you jurisdiction-lacking motherfarkers" in Japanese?  (abcnews.go.com)	(71)
		Tennis player asks for annoying fan to be removed from the stands during tournament. Bonus: the fan is his father  (youtube.com)	(13)
		Drink named "Albino Rhino" has a woman with albinism seeing red  (cbc.ca)	(181)

		Lightning Spectra, Iridescent Meat, Glory in Space, Prismatic Road Signs, and Water Striders--weird band names or cool optical phenomena?  (wired.com)	(19)
(Some toy lover)		The Free Universal Construction Kit allows Legos to play happily with Lincoln Logs, Tinkertoys, and more. Complete with an acronym your kids will sure to ask for by name  (fffff.at)	(73)
		Georgia restaurant jokes that their "black and bleu" sandwich was inspired by Chris Brown's attack on Rihanna. "Chris Brown won't beat you up for eating this unless your name starts with a R and ends with A"  (nydailynews.com)	(97)
(Some Intero rectogestionist)		Last weekend Richard Dawkins told people to stand tall while patiently showing that atheistic reasoning is inherently stronger than religion...yeah, just kidding. He said to mock people and call them names. The Reason Rally, folks. Yup, Reason  (gatewaynews.co.za)	(1177)
(TheXLog.com)		Giving a name to "Minor League Guy on Third"  (thexlog.com)	(25)

The NCAA Basketball Tournament is obviously a giant liberal conspiracy as evidenced by the fact that Barack Obama is kicking your ass with his bracket picks  (games.espn.go.com)

(52)

(Some Guy who is so very scared)

All right IKEA, very funny with the name and design of this chair  (ikea.com)

(138)

(Bellator)		Friday night fights Bellator 62 "fark it, my bracket is doomed" edition. The Heavyweight Tournament Final has been scrapped, Santos declared a Fatbodyweight, but the Lightweight Quarterfinals must go on. Fights start at 7pm ET  (bellator.com)	(155)
(Some Guy)		Alaska Rep. Alan Dick (R-eally is his last name) let the cat out of the bag, openly states that women should be submissive to men  (thenewstribune.com)	(853)
(Some Guy)		A dog named Data, a bucket of pups and a tiny, tiny yawn are among the highlights of this photo collection. Happy National Puppy Day (slideshow, but the cutest. One. Evar.)  (newstimes.com)	(90)
(Some Saint)		From the team that brought you "Randy Moss Hood Ornament Night", and "Michael Vick Chew-toy Day", comes their latest creation: "Bounties for Big Hits"  (saintsbaseball.com)	(7)
		Boy named Sue, Girl named LaShockqua: Baby-Name regret is on the rise  (news.yahoo.com)	(446)

		Who the hell is Murphy and why is there a bed named after him?  (mentalfloss.com)	(29)
(Some Military Guy)		From the "you're doing it wrong" files: Army tried to erase all information about Staff Sgt. Bales, heroic slaughterer of 16 Afghan civilians, from the internet before they released his name  (military.com)	(118)

		"Two hours after [he was dead for 78 minutes] I whispered in his ear, 'What's your name?' and he said, 'Fabrice Muamba'. I said, 'I hear you're a really good footballer' and he said, 'I try'"  (bbc.co.uk)	(48)
		Little Rock to rename airport in honor of Bill and Hillary Clinton. What will the new name or IATA code be?  (news.yahoo.com)	(135)
		Baylor's Brittney Griner becomes the second woman to ever dunk In a NCAA tournament game (w/video)  (deadspin.com)	(74)
		Jealous woman wants revenge on her ex. Does she? A) Take a Louisville slugger to both head lights. B) Carve her name into his leather seats. C) Claim his new wife was carrying a bomb on airliner?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(34)

(Some Non-Fan Boy)		Report shows that Microsoft is one of the world's most ethical companies, along with Symantec, Adobe and Salesforce.com. The company named after a fruit is mysteriously absent from the list. Bonus: With photo of bearded Vulcan  (techrepublic.com)	(101)
(GQ)		Republican presidential candidates' Secret Service code names revealed; Romney's is "Javelin", Santorum's is...what? Ew. I thought the word Cleveland went before that, but whatever  (gq.com)	(150)
		Science Channel joins SyFy, A&E, History and TLC in "name does not describe our programming" game, airs conclusion of two-part series on how man would react to alien encounters. Bravo  (nypost.com)	(87)
		Why is Nokia is called Nokia? Is it A) Named after its founders B) Named after a town in Finland or C) The noise you will be making, when you next go for an MRI scan, if they bring magnetic tattoos to market  (livescience.com)	(32)
		The 20 most evil mascots in the NCAA tournament. Duke sucks  (sportsgrid.com)	(22)

		TaxMasters changes its name to BankruptcyMasters  (big1059.com)	(53)
		Volvo signs someone named Jeremy Lin to an endorsement deal. Apparently, he was a big deal a while back  (blogs.wsj.com)	(36)

		So what if your bracket is totally hosed? It's all about the games, right? Here's your Sunday "brackets be damned" NCAA tournament discussion thread  (rivals.yahoo.com)	(330)
		Tourette's Syndrome doesn't IN MY ASS stop New PUSSYWILLOW York co-ed's POOPFARKER dreams. Bonus: Hot, porn WHORELICKER name  (abcnews.go.com)	(95)

New upscale baby name guides help educated parents who don't even OWN a TV to choose baby names from canon of great Western literature instead of trash television  (nydailynews.com)

(191)

		Quiz: Celebrity Baby Name or Computer Virus?  (mentalfloss.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		The name of the possibly intoxicated woman who assaulted passengers on a jet has not been released, and 45-year-old Cari Johnson of Phoenix is thankful about that  (1035superx.com)	(90)
		After all, there's no better way to support gay rights than changing the name of your ice cream  (powerwall.msnbc.msn.com)	(43)
		MN Senate Majority leader has affair with staffer, staffer is fired. Staffer now suing for being fired for gender; threatens to release names of other staffers having affairs with legislators. Diffculty: Guess party and genders involved   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(54)
(NCAA.com)		It's your Friday NCAA tournament discussion thread. Watch your brackets blow up in real time right here  (ncaa.com)	(835)
		Finally, someone has the courage to ask: "Who would win the NCAA tournament if it were a battle of mascots?"  (slate.com)	(59)

(Some Guy)		After your debit card theft spree, avoid choosing a store where the clerk knows you by name. And don't use a card belonging to the clerk's own mother  (abc27.com)	(18)
		Good customer service: Radio Shack receipt with your name and address spelled carefully and correctly. Bad customer service: Radio Shack receipt with "ugly itch, ghettohood, usa, tattoville, Maryland"  (upi.com)	(41)

		First two days of NCAA tournament to cost $175 million in lost productivity according to studies put out by Challenger, Gray & Christmas Inc and Department of Pulling Random Numbers out of our Asses  (foxnews.com)	(24)
		I don't know what's the bigger Mitt Romney PR failure- that he once again name dropped friends that own sports teams, or that he tried to pull off mom jeans  (wonkette.com)	(85)
		Man by the name of "Pinkie Pie" hacks Google's Chrome Browser like it were the fourth wall. Confound those ponies... they drove him to hack  (wired.com)	(56)
(sports pickle)		Why all of your NCAA tournament picks suck  (sportspickle.com)	(37)

		Six teams to avoid in your NCAA tournament brackets. Duke sucks  (bleacherreport.com)	(43)
		Obama campaign posts its own NCAA tournament pool. Winner predicted from left hand bracket  (sfgate.com)	(21)

		Kentucky: We don't care about the conference tournament. Vanderbilt: We do  (sports.espn.go.com)	(144)
		Elderly gorilla given bunny companion to hug, pet, squeeze, and name "George"  (seattlepi.com)	(79)

(Morning Sentinel.com)

Was it named for a family that lived on the intersection? Was it for a loose female bartender? How about the story of a woman who would sit on her porch while wearing no underwear? Whatever the origin, the town likes the name Katie Crotch Road  (onlinesentinel.com)

(57)

(Bellator)		Friday night fight thread for Bellator 60. Featherweight tournament quarterfinals and championship fight between challenger Pat Curran and champion Joe Warren. (8:00 p.m. ET on MTV 2, in HD on EPIX)  (bellator.com)	(194)
		Before showing off the new, million dollar train cars, make sure the station names are spelled correctly  (myfoxdc.com)	(30)
		Wednesday March 7th, 2012: The first sighting in the wild of the "If candidate X can't stand up to {name of domestic partisan blowhard} how can he possibly stand up to {name of scary foreign leader}?" line in the 2012 campaign  (news.yahoo.com)	(147)
		Mormon leaders restrict genealogical database to anyone who attempts to access names of hundreds of thousands of Holocaust victims the church has agreed not to posthumously baptize. But we all know Mormons have nothing to hide...right?   (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(266)
		"What an idiot," says sheriff after charging a guy with a felony for posting a photo of himself on Facebook holding a nameplate he stole from a judge's office. (w/ idiot's photo)  (wptv.com)	(72)

		What part of OLRTXT HARW DPR REC NAMEC CASE1 EMRG HK US CN HDWR NEWS ENT;0334.HK AAPL.O do you not understand?  (news.yahoo.com)	(59)
		New species of catshark found, so named because of its habit of vomiting at least twice a day  (sciencedaily.com)	(16)

If you have a .com, .org or .net domain name, feel secure in the thought that the US Government can seize it whenever they feel like it, even if registered overseas  (wired.com)

(55)

Since everything else with the name Rush in the headline is getting greenlit, here they are playing YYZ in Brazil  (youtube.com)

(22)

Toronto Maple Leafs fire head coach Ron Wilson. GM Brian "Truculence" Burke digs deep in the shallow pool of Anaheim Ducks cast-offs to name Randy Carlyle as his replacement  (cbc.ca)

(48)

(Some Fight Card)

UFC on FX: Alves vs. Kampmann discussion thread. Great card, plus the Flyweight tournament semifinals. Fights start at 6pm ET on FUEL  (ufc.com)

(342)

		So which came first? The first name Dezzerray, or the foray into the world of prostitution? Or the customer?  (mysuncoast.com)	(38)
		Tempers flare during tournament time as coach and referee are tossed for fighting. Fark: From a second-grade league  (tennessean.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)		Top 10 Movies of 2012 to get excited about (which aren't named Dark Knight Rises or Avengers)  (watchvideogames.com)	(95)

(Some Wall Smasher)

In these days of school shootings, problems with bullies, illiteracy of high school 'graduates', etc, this school is indefinitely suspending a fifth grade girl - for blue kool-aid in her hair. Ironic tag is for the town name  (wcpo.com)

(139)

		Food police strike again: When is a soda machine no longer a soda machine? When the U.S. military renames it a "hydration station." That, and other new warning labels for desserts and fried foods at mess halls  (cnsnews.com)	(103)
		It doesn't have as sexy of a name as Y2K, but we might lose the internet as we know it on March 8th  (mnn.com)	(69)
		"Hello jet engine on a truck. My name is Juan Pablo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die"  (washingtonpost.com)	(162)
		Global warming sends 36 cars through the ice at Wisconsin fishing tournament  (myfoxdc.com)	(56)

The story of A Boy Named Sue  (mentalfloss.com)

(38)

		In this day and age, you have every right to not take your husband's name after you get married. And society has every right to judge you for that decision  (mnn.com)	(321)
		Why hasn't Buffett's successor been publicly named yet? Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I know it's nobody's fault  (foxnews.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		Behold the most awesome name for a type of storm EVER. Ladies and gentlemen I give you... THE SASKATCHEWAN SCREAMER  (ouramazingplanet.com)	(42)

If you're going to open up a community safe haven for children to go to after school where they can play games, make arts and crafts, and get homework help, can you name it something a little less creepy than 'Clown Town?'  (palmbeachpost.com)

(51)

		Everything you need to know about the Super PACs in one handy chart. This is bad news...for everyone not named Romney  (slate.com)	(13)
		Slovakia votes to name a bridge after Chuck Norris, will become the only bridge in the region that people are afraid to cross  (huffingtonpost.com)	(59)

		Strange: Man saves a drowning raccoon from the Colorado River. Spiffy: Nicknames it "Sonny" and trains it to sit on his shoulder while out in public. Sad: He gets arrested for keeping a wild animal as a pet  (azfamily.com)	(117)
		DEFCON presenter walks through a presentation on why to not buy stolen computer goods, with some epic pwnage of "a man so incompetent that he misspells his own name on Facebook"  (youtube.com)	(48)

		Suggest a name for Regina Saskatchewan's new Lingerie Football League team  (cbc.ca)	(141)
(The BigLead)		Cubs fan buys domain name for Red Sox new spring training park and redirects it to the Yankees homepage. In other news, only three more weeks until the Cubs are mathematically eliminated from the post-season  (thebiglead.com)	(20)
		Chris Christie to Warren Buffett: Shut up about billionaires paying more taxes. Do you want me to eat you? Your last name reminds me of lunch  (money.cnn.com)	(293)
(God Is A Geek)		Question 3: What was Picard's Borg Name? Was it: A) Locust of Borg, B) Locutus of Borg, C) Lactus of Borg, or D) God help me I'm never getting out of this basement  (godisageek.com)	(79)
		Police investigate fetus found inside city pipe. At this point they have no leads as to who the fetus belonged to, but anyone named "Cobblepot" is currently under suspicion  (foxnews.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)		Keep your medicine out of reach of your pets. Bonus: Pet pig named "Crispy Bacon"  (fox5vegas.com)	(21)

		Vietnamese man who never saw the season finale of M*A*S*H* thinks the proper response to a screaming child is the airplane emergency ramp  (consumerist.com)	(89)
		Southern Baptists consider name change. Let's hear your suggestions, voting enabled  (chron.com)	(251)

Do you have an intense fear of being without your cellphone? There's no app for that, but there is a name  (latimes.com)

(69)

		Will Libertarian Hate rise above Adultery? Can Gorilla's namesake use the fingerpoke of doom to win the Big Gold? Will spider stew give R-Truth the ability to Lemonate everyone? It's WWE Elimination Chamber, 8 PM eastern on PPV  (bleacherreport.com)	(lots)
		It's getting harder to find a place where everybody knows your name, even harder to find a place where they are always glad you came  (suntimes.com)	(130)

(wmtw.com)		Police in Westbrook, Maine are on the lookout for a man who didn't rob a bank. Suspect is described as between 3' 6" to 7' tall, 85 to 475 lbs, and answers to the name, "Hey You"  (wmtw.com)	(83)
(Some Guy)		Boy with a funny name misbehaves and loses school bus privileges and obviously mother should be imprisoned for a year  (kctv5.com)	(209)

		"Using animals commonly kept as pets or companions as food" is the name of an actual crime  (myfoxdc.com)	(288)
		Ladies and gentlemen, Frontier Airlines regrets to announce your flight maybe slightly delayed for technical reasons-namely that the pilot is hammered  (dailymail.co.uk)	(45)

Nicolas Cage reveals reason behind name change: The cast quoted Apocalypse Now outside his trailer during making of Fast Times of Ridgemont High just to mock him. Judge Reinhold reportedly still giggles a little behind his mop  (hollywoodreporter.com)

(63)

		Suspicious package at Field Museum in Chicago just full of beans. Police are searching for a guy named Jack  (chicagotribune.com)	(29)
(Some Guy)		Chicago named most corrupt city in America. New Orleans planning a larger bribe for next year  (chicago.cbslocal.com)	(125)
(red reporter)		A modernized version of the "Who's on First" routine, using today's names. Impressive  (redreporter.com)	(22)

(The Mercury)		If you are Australia's most notorious hired gun, brag about having killed 19 people, and go by the nickname "Chopper", your son's Little Athletics group probably won't let you anywhere near the starter's pistol  (themercury.com.au)	(39)
(some mark)		Can the Welsh Corgi beat the Collie for Best Herding Breed? Will a Pug derp its way into being named Best in Show? Find out who wins at the Westminster Dog Show, starting one hour before WWE Monday Night Raw, 9 PM Eastern on USA  (wwe.com)	(too many)
		There are many layers to the OWS onion, and each one is more difficult than the last to peel back. But it's starting to look like there is a single, rotten core at the dark center of this movement, and that core's name is ... ACORN  (foxnews.com)	(279)
(Some Guy)		Real comic book nerds know Shazam isn't the character's name, it's the magic word Billy Batson says to turn into Captain Marvel. Real comic book nerds are now wrong  (newsarama.com)	(113)

China to ban names that signal 'orphan' status. Example - Tossy McBaby  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)

(48)

(Some Guy)		Farker spidermann named a video game and gets his own press release. Suggest better game names to the right  (futurlab.co.uk)	(28)
		Michael Vick named America's most disliked athlete in what was surely a dogfight  (philly.com)	(91)
		Vietnamese police trying to force farmer off his land find out the hard way that the war wasn't all that long ago, and guerilla warfare is apparently like riding a bicycle  (abcnews.go.com)	(37)
		Crew filming documentary named "Dumb, Drunk and Racist" find what they are looking for with not so hilarious results  (abc.net.au)	(30)
		Walking Dead creator Robert Kirkman sued by co-creator Tony Moore because Moore believes he was swindled out of his rights to the material. What is it with comic book creators named "Moore" making stupid decisions regarding contracts?  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(11)
(Some Guy)		You put a guy named Skeeter in charge of your charitable fund, of COURSE he's going to blow your money in Vegas  (whbf.com)	(30)

		Because blowing the entire team's budget to acquire single big-name talent has worked so well for them in the past, the Redskins should offer "whatever it takes" to get Peyton Manning. Can Dan Snyder be included in a trade?  (washingtonpost.com)	(48)
		Drilled through the heart, and you're to blame. You give mayonnaise tubs a bad name  (thesun.co.uk)	(37)
(AmeriCOUNT)		Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL) to Newt: You want to hear about the Food Stamp President? He added 18 million people to the program and increased spending in it by $19 Billion. Oh, and by the way, his name was George W. Bush  (americount.org)	(146)

(q13fox.com)

I-N-T-E-S-T-I-N-A-L I-L-L-N-E-S-S breaks out at cheerleading tournament  (q13fox.com)

(102)

(Some Guy)		Are you looking to end your romance? Look no further than the Bronx Zoo. For only $10 you can name any one of its 58,000 hissing cockroaches after your, umm...loved one  (magblog.audubon.org)	(40)
		Robert Downey Jr. jumped on the crazy baby name train in Hollywood naming his new baby boy: Exton  (dailystab.com)	(87)
		Five killer whales named as plaintiffs in court case which argues they deserve the same constitutional protection from slavery as humans. SeaWorld: "Cetacean needed"  (bbc.co.uk)	(55)

You know your ex is a committed stalker if he wants to win back your heart by kidnapping you using a plan that's so detailed it's 23 pages long, has maps and photos and even a code name: "Operation Stitches"  (palmbeachpost.com)

(124)

		Buying generic is now just as expensive as buying name brands  (consumerist.com)	(151)
		Because he hasn't said anything stupid for almost 24 hours, Jim Irsay would like to remind everyone that he remains close with...Parson? Patton? Peyote? What was that kid's name again?   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(48)
		Miami named most miserable U.S. city by panel of judges who have never been to Hartford  (old.news.yahoo.com)	(115)
(TorrentFreak)		Just in time for the Super Bowl, a bunch of those sports streaming websites shut down by the Feds are back online with new domain names  (torrentfreak.com)	(83)
		Step 1: begin copying photos from a woman's Facebook page and blog, step 2: setup social media accounts and new blog under a new name and post them for months, step 3: profit?  (wral.com)	(111)
(Wait, what?)		Advice: If you are Muslim, or even have a Muslim sounding name, don't text your co-workers and tell them to "Blow away" the competition. Fark: Especially if you are in Quebec  (thechronicleherald.ca)	(54)
		Phil Mickelson is suing to find out the real names of people that posted nasty comments about him and his wife on the internet. Personally I heard it was Mike Hawk and Harry Sack  (utsandiego.com)	(50)

		Couple who used a Facebook poll to decide the name of their child gives birth to a girl. So welcome to Penisface Bieber Meske  (suntimes.com)	(98)
		Miley Cyrus broke her tailbone 'doing flips', which is a pretty dumb nickname for her boyfriend, but whatever  (thesuperficial.com)	(31)
		New poll names Sophia Vergara as "most desirable woman", most phallic-sounding last name in a foreign language  (nydailynews.com)	(62)

		DP World sees 10% increase in business, has never looked up their name on Urban Dictionary  (finance.yahoo.com)	(33)
		Recipe for fun: downtown Des Moines Marriott to be shared for a week by just two groups---Chinese government officials and high school wrestlers in town for the state high school wrestling tournament   (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)	(49)

		Find out what your animal name is. This link submitted by Flopsy the Laughing Rhino  (buzzfeed.com)	(258)
		News: Martin Scorsese pens angry op-ed piece bemoaning the lack of awards love for an actor from his latest film. Fark: Said actor is a Doberman named Blackie  (shortlist.com)	(26)

This week's karaoke edition SHMHC brings you the black metal band with the evocative name that evokes goats... and whores. It's Goatwhore, with Collapse in Eternal Worth  (youtube.com)

(21)

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