Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Some Guy)		A Fark/Reddit Party in Armenia? Sure, why the hell not?  (armeniadiaspora.com)	(5)

		If your name is Calvin and you live in the Sacramento area, go ahead and commit all the crimes you want, cause they'll just keep arresting this one black guy instead of you  (sacbee.com)	(63)
		Oh the perks of being a cop... Free coffee.. free donuts.. speed whenever you want... and getting naked men with mohawks off billboards  (myfoxdfw.com)	(34)
		Deerfield Beach High needs to add some anger-management classes to its curriculum  (abcnews.go.com)	(68)
		Weird Al does commentary on his own home movies  (youtube.com)	(5)
		It's hard out here for a bank CEO. After their banks failed, CEOs are filing bankruptcy because unemployment can't pay their six mortgages  (ajc.com)	(40)
(Powell's)		Nicholas Sparks compares himself to Hemingway. Oh, right....'cause when you think of Hemingway, you think of pussified leading men, syrupy, obvious, chick-friendly plots, and sixth-grade reading comprehension levels  (powells.com)	(67)
		10 years ago today, Bryan Singer's X-Men was released, marking the beginning of a new era in superhero and comic book films  (theatlantic.com)	(71)
		Entertainment industry to use words like "unauthorised downloading" after it was determined that "piracy" sounds kind of cool and sexy  (boingboing.net)	(72)
		The Chinese have become addicted to Google like the rest of us, and will mourn the loss of the "tool of the U.S. to implement its Internet hegemony"  (washingtonpost.com)	(28)
(Some Guy)		For sale: 840-acre island. Amenities include miles of private shoreline, 140-year old lighthouse and private research facility for highly infectous animal diseases  (theday.com)	(100)
		California police department subjected to deadly booby-traps, allegedly set by a criminally inclined biker gang. And you thought Steven Seagal's movies were far-fetched  (aolnews.com)	(109)
		The ladies and gentlemen at the Crufts Dog Show show us all about proper English decorum, tradition, dog scrotum tickling (w/video)  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk)	(40)
		NCAA Tournament Day 2 discussion thread. Subby called yesterday's upset; today it's your turn. Call your underdog now  (espn.go.com)	(815)
(TK421)		It's like basements everywhere cried out and were suddenly emptied  (starwarsinconcert.com)	(67)
		Burglar exhibits efficient time management, breaking into store and using its computer to try and sell the items he was in the process of stealing...all from his own MySpace account  (abcnews.go.com)	(15)
		GM is developing an augmented reality (AR) windshield display that will highlight traffic signs, road markings, and even the building entered into your GPS in a heads up display  (popsci.com)	(65)
		Thousands of marauding animals eating their way through the countryside, severely damaging the local ecosystem. Who is responsible for this environmental disaster? Animal activists  (thelocal.de)	(115)
		Ten moments that should have ended Wolverine's career but, sadly, did not  (io9.com)	(116)
(CBS Sports)		Notre Dame, Marquette, and Georgetown unite to give the Big East a collective FAIL tag for the first day of the NCAA Tournament  (cbssports.com)	(107)
		Lou Piniella says he is "confident" the Cubs will score more. I'm guessing this has something to do with the amount of desperate women in Chicago  (chicagotribune.com)	(35)

		HA HA, QUAKERTOWN MAN RECEIVES MENTAL EVALUATION AFTER SETTING HIS CAR ON FIRE  (mcall.com)	(215)
		CDO Market Meltdown, here comes the science. Written by a 24-year old hot Harvard undergrad chick (with pic) (I only mention it because you wouldn't read the thesis otherwise)  (blogs.wsj.com)	(69)
(Style Weekly)		Pesky First Amendment thwarts developer whose name was used for website depicting her as a demon with a "Ghostbusters 2" quote (link fixed)  (styleweekly.com)	(90)
		Fox is trying to lure Bryan Singer back from Warner Bros. in order to direct "X-Men: The First Class," and maybe even Wolverine 2  (slashfilm.com)	(34)
		Court rules that trolling is not protected by the First Amendment. And the Politics tab fell silent  (wired.com)	(121)
(Some Guy)		Teachers protest lay-off procedures, fail to note the procedures were implemented by their own Union  (ktvu.com)	(15)
		Google's public statement on the Viacom v Youtube lawsuit. I don't think I have ever cheered for a lawyer before, but GO Ms Levine GO  (news.cnet.com)	(50)
(Jezebel)		The Tiger Woods texts, annotated and deconstructed through textual semiotic phenomenology  (jezebel.com)	(49)
		"Moms' self esteem hurt by helpful dads" says Institute For Mens' Lazy-Ass Excuses  (news.yahoo.com)	(221)
		Jordan and Chester M. are now friends. • Comment • Like • Pedophile  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(98)
		Working for the government comes with some great perks, like job stability, posh benefits packages, and in many cases, the need to pay taxes  (abcnews.go.com)	(133)
		Rep. Steve King (R-etarded) compares the current Tea Party movement with the Velvet Revolution. He should probably Czech his history  (thedailyshow.com)	(106)
		NCAA Tournament Day 1 discussion thread. In the future, this holiday will be known as "The day Murray State shocked the world"  (espn.go.com)	(1468)
		Last chance to sign up for 2010 Fark NCAA Tournament Pick'em. Search for Fark, no pword required. Duke sucks  (games.espn.go.com)	(225)
		Health officials reveal that most brain injuries are the result of falls, accidents, reruns of "Two and a Half Men"  (upi.com)	(50)
		Former president Jimmy Carter laments partisan divide, taste of metamucil  (breitbart.com)	(93)
		Proof that men are stupid and will cheat on even the hottest woman: Jesse James has been f*cking around on Sandra Bullock  (starpulse.com)	(243)

		"Scarface" is: being captured by the police · 15 minutes ago · Comment · Like  (abcnews.go.com)	(47)
		The sage grouse is facing extinction. Congressman Jacob Chaffetz of Utah (R-d) "The only place the sage grouse belongs is on the menu of a French bistro"  (nytimes.com)	(44)
(Pop Rox Nation)		There's a turning point where your massive collection of junk goes from "You have no life" to "We now bow down before your awesomeness"  (poproxnation.thekartel.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)		Vote 'Yes' for our healthcare bill and we'll provide more water, otherwise enjoy the drought and umemployment  (nrcc.org)	(266)
		Crooks & Liars claims firsthand knowledge of RedState commenters being blocked by CNN web site because they were paid to troll during Clinton impeachment. Difficulty: RedState didn't exist until 2004  (crooksandliars.com)	(85)
(Some Sparrow)		Extras cast in Pirates of the Carribean 4 must have "real breasts." This sounds great until you realize they're talking about men  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(50)
(Some Guy)		Microsoft may be about to sue Linux for copyright infringement  (computerworlduk.com)	(94)
(PopMatters)		The Knife's follow-up to one of synth-pop's greatest achievements is -- wait for it -- an electro-opera about Darwin  (popmatters.com)	(17)
		Three students at a D.C. elementary school have been diagnosed with scarlet fever. In other news, we still have scarlet fever  (myfoxdc.com)	(173)
		Swamped by birther emails, government in Hawaii planning to ignore future requests. So, I guess that's finally settled  (huffingtonpost.com)	(177)
		Conan's "Legally Prohibited" tour set to be filmed for a documentary feature. Because the Masturbating Bear's onboard, let's hope they don't go 3D on this one  (examiner.com)	(39)
		Almost half of family practice doctors, who are already treated by government and insurers like they work for nothing, feel that health care reform will force them out of medicine  (hotair.com)	(336)
		Taliban cleric calls for overthrow of US government. What's that? I'm sorry; make that "US Congressman Steve King calls for overthrow of US government."  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(158)
		From the 'you're doing it wrong' department: Gunman tries to attack Lenin's corpse in Red Square  (telegraph.co.uk)	(74)
		Harley-Davidson shares close up 7% on news that someone is actually interested in purchasing a company that manufacturers motorcycles for people with hip replacements  (jsonline.com)	(73)
(Some Guy)		If you abandoned 15 pounds of cocaine at a Cincinnati airport bathroom, some very nice men in suits would like to talk with you  (wlwt.com)	(54)
(Some Guy)		The next obscure parliamentary procedure that the GOP says is sacrilege (despite having used it many times themselves) is... *spins wheel* ...the self-executing rule. Come on down, self-executing rule. You're next  (blog.american.com)	(165)
		Lady Gaga is the next Madonna, according to the guy who directed the video for Telephone and hopes to profit immensely from his assertion  (contactmusic.com)	(59)

(Some Guy)		The 10 awesomest guitar moments in film. Omissions to the right  (guitarworld.com)	(76)
		Roger Ebert comments about Glenn Beck, "Beck has strayed way, way off conservatism, to a land where reason itself is an evil conspiracy"  (blogs.suntimes.com)	(135)
		The Periodic Table of Sci-Fi has all the right elements of your favorite franchises  (io9.com)	(42)
		Honda recalls 400,000 Odysseys and Elements following complaints about their brakes, aesthetics  (rttnews.com)	(39)
(Some Tinfoil Hat Wearing Guy)		"Parachute some bears into areas bin Laden might be" is actually not the craziest suggestion left by members of the public at the Defense Department's website  (military.com)	(90)
		Directors Bill Condon, Sofia Coppolla, and farking Gus van Sant have all been contacted by Summit Entertainment about possibly directing the last of the two Twilight films. Where's the No Farking Chance tag?  (hollywoodinsider.ew.com)	(48)
		This personal rocket copter runs on hydrogen peroxide and awesomeness  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(25)
		Hope: Campaigning on stem cell research. Change: Signing executive order approving stem cell research. Disappointment: Shelving popular stem cell lines, obstructing research  (washingtonpost.com)	(59)
		J.D. Hayworth goes on openly lesbian host Rachel Maddow's show to defend his comments equating gay marriage, and lays out a persuasive argument that astounds even Maddow... just kidding, he makes an ass of himself and fails it hard  (msnbc.msn.com)	(178)
		Study: Men with erectile dysfunction twice as likely to be broken hearted  (abcnews.go.com)	(63)
		Study finds that women between 2000 and 2009 had an average of 5.65 different sexual partners by the time they were 24, none of which were you  (news.yahoo.com)	(463)
		The government's use of legal exemptions to keep records secret rose during President Barack Obama's first year in office. Most.secretive.administration.ever  (abcnews.go.com)	(118)
		The "results-only work environment" dispenses with 9 to 5, allowing workers to show up or not, as long as they get the job done. Subby wonders if he can cook fries from home  (npr.org)	(87)
		Five Disney ideas that deserve the Tron treatment. Subby would line up right now for a Gizmoduck movie  (io9.com)	(110)
		The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together. It convinces employment agencies to apologize for throwing us out  (thesun.co.uk)	(236)
		Young, black men should avoid changing license plates in public in Carrolton, Texas. Even if they are a car dealer and are required by law to do so after a sale. Trust me on this one  (dallasnews.com)	(326)
		For the five of you who care, here are your brackets for the 2010 UConn Women's Invitational Tournament  (espn.go.com)	(52)
		Ten reasons Oakland management should panic over Ben Sheets' $10 million 2010 salary  (sports.yahoo.com)	(29)
		It was a giant penis with water shooting out. Parents were rushing their children away from it so they would not have to explain why grown men wearing fur were drinking the white fluid and dancing in it, too  (news10.net)	(214)

		While you weren't paying attention, the government cracked open the Social Security "lockbox"  (hotair.com)	(85)
(Some Guy Some Guy Some Guy)		Our "assembly-line" work mentality is harmful to our well-being. Our "assembly-line" work mentality is harmful to our well-being. Our "assembly-line" work mentality is harmful to our well-being  (utne.com)	(49)
		Thai protesters to spill blood on the steps of parliament. Fark: They'll be spilling their own blood. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the very definition of "doing it wrong"  (abc.net.au)	(67)
		Good neighbor: Operates noisy equipment indoors, with the windows closed. Dead neighbor: It's a portable generator  (nj.com)	(54)
		Legalizing gay marriage will lead to [spin wheel]: men marrying horses. Silly Republican -- Prince Charles and Matthew Broderick already did that  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(94)
		ATF: Yeah, your 10th amendment affirmation is very amusing, but what are you going to DO about it? Wyoming: Dear ATF Field Agents, enjoy your stay in our state prison  (wnd.com)	(410)
(Some Cub)		Top 10 worst moments in Chicago Cubs history. Curiously absent- Opening day 2010  (bleacherreport.com)	(109)
(Middle East Online)		With the removal of Saddam Hussein, Iraqi women have lost their western-style rights and been placed under oppressive religious rule. Mission Accomplished  (middle-east-online.com)	(217)
(WTHR)		Filling out NCAA brackets will cost Americans $1.48 billion in lost productivity claims survey put out by the Department of Pulling Statistics Out of our Ass  (wthr.com)	(35)
		Not satisfied with ID cards, pictures, fingerprints, retinal scans, body imagers and RF chips, the government is considering shoving something up your nose to verify your identity. All right, now they're just f*cking with us  (silicon.com)	(31)
		Thirty-five years ago the Doobie Brothers had a #1 hit with "Black Water," a song that is not, surprisingly, about shady government defense contractors  (youtube.com)	(33)
		Six inmates busted for using fruit to make hooch in their cell walls (w/ mugshots). #4 says your argument is invalid  (orlandosentinel.com)	(62)

		Sisters' argument leads to hair pulling. It's not news, it's ... no really, it's not news  (nwfdailynews.com)	(34)
		Police spokesman refuses to answer reporter's question because it was originally asked in a blog. So we can accurately report: Knoxville police department does not deny it runs speed traps purely for revenue  (knoxnews.com)	(40)
(Racialicious)		The US median wealth, sans vehicle, of single white women: $41,500. Single black men: $7,900. Single hispanic or black women: $100. Post racial society: Priceless  (racialicious.com)	(584)
(AFA)		American Family Association: "Part of being an adult is learning to tolerate speech you don't like." Super Bowl Nipple unavailable for comment  (onenewsnow.com)	(99)
		Did the CIA test LSD in the New York City subway system? "The experiment was pretty shocking - shocking that the CIA and the Army would release LSD like that, among innocent unwitting folks"  (nypost.com)	(79)
		Besides being nuts, what did the Pentagon and Vegas courthouse shooters have in common? They got their guns from the Memphis police department  (hosted.ap.org)	(115)
(Citizen-Times)		Asheville NC's "Actionfest", 'Sundance' for action movies, will present Chuck Norris a Lifetime Achievement Award. Unknown for which of his seven lives Chuck will be accepting  (citizen-times.com)	(34)
		WASP (Women Airforce Service Pilots) of World War 2 finally recognized after 60 years with the Congressional Gold Medal. Subby has something in his eye  (examiner.com)	(77)

(AWPortals)		Active Worlds offers refugees of There.com 6-months free after the environment closed due to the recession. Next up: Reposessing mounts in World of Warcraft  (awportals.com)	(38)
		♫ It was an anti-Berlusconi Purple People movement / anti-Berlusconi Purple People movement / anti-Berlusconi Purple People movement / Sure looks strange to me ♫  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(13)
		What do Arkansas, Oklahoma, Idaho and Utah all have in common? They loves to marry their wimmenfolk off good and early  (news.yahoo.com)	(131)
		Summer Glau gets yet another attempt to cement her status as the hottest show killer in the history of television. Yes, even hotter than Ted McGinley. Tag is preemptive  (io9.com)	(56)
		Puma Man might fly like a moron, but he sure made for one funny episode of MST3K. Did we mention Donald Pleasance hams it up as the villain?  (video.google.com)	(38)
(Some Guy)		At what point did this teacher think writing "Loser" on a sixth-grader's writing assignment was a good idea?  (abclocal.go.com)	(177)
		If you guessed that the new Federal Reserve vice chair doesn't want too many people working nor too much prosperity, step up and collect your extended unemployment check  (article.nationalreview.com)	(60)
		Contrary to what many people may believe, the Tea Party's motto is "fiscal responsibility, limited government, and free markets" with little or no mention of God, life and family. You betcha'  (nytimes.com)	(304)
		Man walks in on his girlfriend having sex with two other men and kills all three of them. Subby liked how this scenario ended last night on Cinemax better  (nypost.com)	(242)
		Britain has spent £190,000 in an unsuccessful twelve year battle to wipe out the country's only termite colony. Apparently don't know that they could have flown in a whole team of Orkin men for 1/10th the price  (timesonline.co.uk)	(37)
		I'm sorry, since we don't charge a lot for this particular dish, you cannot take your leftovers home with you. Sincerely, the management  (consumerist.com)	(390)

(Some Guy)		That thundering silence pervading the land is the reaction of liberals to the discovery that a former Democratic operative was arrested in Yemen for jihadist crimes, then murdered a guard trying to escape  (jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com)	(161)
		Why so serious? Because an experimental National Zoo bat colony was wiped out  (washingtonpost.com)	(44)
		Woman whose picture appeared in "Couples Retreat" sues for humiliation, embarrassment, emotional distress, shame, mortification and injury to her career. Wouldn't that apply to everyone that appeared in that movie?    (examiner.com)	(22)
		Women on the pill may live longer, sluttier  (abcnews.go.com)	(86)
(Funniesstuff.net)		Today's Yakety Sax moment brought to you by Scion  (funnieststuff.net)	(11)
		Hilary Duff is mortified by the paparazzi photos showing her taking cell phone pictures of her engagement ring from Mike Comrie and sending them to her mother. You'd think the ones of her giving him a mouth hug would embarrass her more  (contactmusic.com)	(25)
		Brian Greene on string theory: "Our universe may be one of many--a single bubble in a huge bubble bath of other universes.... Maybe these different bubbles all have different shapes for their extra dimensions"  (discovermagazine.com)	(79)
		House Democrats tell Stupak that they can't pass his amendment because "more children will be born, and therefore it will cost us millions more." Asinine tag stands in for non-existent Double Facepalm tag  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(166)
(The Mustang News)		After officially cancelling the Crown Victoria, Ford announces a replacement for its police interceptor workhorse: The 2011 Ford Taurus. No, seriously. C'mon, stop laughing  (themustangnews.com)	(154)
		Because they couldn't contend with all the spectators, the Nanny State shuts down the famous Gloucester downhill cheese rolling race after 200 years of pratfall amusement  (dailymail.co.uk)	(74)
		Conservatives demand a new constitutional amendment to force Congress to be subject to the health care laws they pass. Unaware of section 1312 of said bill, which does that already. But no matter, FIX OLD NO NEW  (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(94)
		Democratic House candidates are more likely to mention their positions on circumcision, cat declawing, and Kirk vs. Picard than their views on health care reform  (thehill.com)	(38)
		Panera is the first nationwide chain to post calorie information on its menus. You'll have to lift up your head and four chins to read them, though  (consumerist.com)	(26)
		Joe Biden punishes Israel for its plans to build more settlements by showing up late to dinner with the Prime Minister  (thedailyshow.com)	(276)
(Some Guy)		News: U.S. Supreme court to rule on federal sex offender confinement law. Fark: Scalia is the voice of reason  (dailycontributor.com)	(132)
		TSA worker charged with attempting to insert logic bomb into government networks, marking the first time in history that the words "TSA worker" and "logic" have appeared together in a sentence  (wired.com)	(20)
(Newton TAB)		Despite ordinance allowing them, city residents aren't very fond of mother-in-law apartments  (wickedlocal.com)	(3)
(Some Guy)		From the 'So Sad It's Cute' department: Elderly woman afraid to jaywalk has to take a 14 mile bus ride just to visit the shops across the street from her home  (mnn.com)	(81)

		Senate Parliamentarian rules the House must first pass the Senate health care bill - and the president must sign it into law - before reconciliation fixes to it can be considered. It's dead, Jim  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(306)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this moment before the fall  (bigpicture.ru)	(34)
		Now that the Iowa Hawkeyes have been eliminated from the Big Ten Tournament, school officials do the only sensible thing and decide they may fire coach Todd Lickliter. Heh. "Lickliter." As if anyone would be that desperate  (qctimes.com)	(13)
		If only men felt guilt and emotions the same way women do, "John Edwards wouldn't be a baby daddy and maybe Abu Ghraib would just be a little-known prison in Iraq." Here comes the science  (msnbc.msn.com)	(65)
(Some Guy)		Study shows birds separated by deforestation evolve distinctly. If only there was a documented case of a scientist observing divergent traits in birds separated by geological means  (mnn.com)	(40)
		The Video Game Bosses' Lament - "I didn't say an army of enemies had breached our defenses...it's one guy...ONE GUY has been killing you all by the hundreds."  (collegehumor.com)	(22)
		Toronto bottled water company celebrates "Bottled Water Free Day" by distributing free bottled water just to irritate environmentalists  (torontosun.com)	(141)
		Ric Romero discovers home offices, recommends you outfit yours with all-in-one printer and all-in-one iMac. "Technology is supposed to make our lives easier and sometimes it actually does"  (abclocal.go.com)	(43)
		Whoever said, "There's no harm in asking," clearly never submitted a request under the Indian government's Right to Information Act  (csmonitor.com)	(49)
(Rambo, 3rd Grade Teacher)		The U.S. Department of Education is buying some much needed supplies: calculators, pens, paper, text books, 27 short barrelled shot guns, gym equipment, backpacks, crayons  (fbo.gov)	(110)
		Democrats already vying to be Senate majority leader next term to replace Harry Reid, who has combined the excitement of vanilla pudding with the legislative effectiveness of, well, vanilla pudding    (time.com)	(76)
		Calling all NOLA Farkers: interested in a Spring crawfish boil in April? Tabasco v. Crystal v. Louisiana Hot Sauce argument starts to the right  (google.com)	(63)
		California can no longer afford to build massive housing development in Boston, Massachusetts  (boston.com)	(23)
		Reporter feels up Rep. Massa's past, gets seamen  (msnbc.msn.com)	(119)
		Women with good genes have more sexual partners than those without, possibly because their butts look so damned good in them    (newscientist.com)	(50)
		Taking a cue from the government bailout, companies are now offering pity bonuses to employees who fail at their jobs  (money.cnn.com)	(49)
(Some Guy)		Montana comes back from a 20 point second half defecit to win an NCAA tournament appearance. Bonus: Montana player breaks Big Sky Tournament records for points in a game  (missoulian.com)	(34)

		"We're #1. We're #1. USA. USA." Treasury Department claims gold medal in the "Highest Monthly Deficit Ever" competition at $221 billion  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(182)
(Mlive.com)		He won $150 at the MGM Grand in Detroit, met two women who said they wanted to party, got a motel room, stripped and jumped in the shower expecting the women to join him. His luck ended there  (mlive.com)	(124)
		Crosby's bag of gold medal winning equipment was not stolen, a handful of sticks and 4 gloves were found at Pearson. Hockey Canada glad to have a stick and glove back  (tsn.ca)	(29)
		Today's allowance of sarcasm quotes have been used up by the announcement that actress Hilary Duff to "write" "novels" for "young adults"  (washingtonpost.com)	(20)
		What do you get when you combine a man, some farm equipment, an angry bull and a carbomb? If you guessed the first Pakistani arcade game, disarm the package containing your prize  (kotaku.com)	(30)
		You can probably still buy a $40 cup of coffee, but at least now it will be marked as such on the menu  (nytimes.com)	(51)
		Zoe Saldana "can't live" without sex. But, she has a long-term boyfriend and doesn't like men who smell of Cheetos  (contactmusic.com)	(54)
		Playing WoW during lecture, alt-tabbed behind notepad? You're not fooling anyone. Movements to ban laptops from classrooms gain steam  (washingtonpost.com)	(189)
		Why is Obama floundering on health care like a cat that can't swim? Maybe because he "wants to seriously expand the role of government at a moment when skepticism of government is widespread"  (washingtonpost.com)	(70)
		The GOP plan which balances the budget by slashing government to the bone? Yeah, turns it out also raises taxes the most on the poorest people, and gives the richest a massive tax cut  (yglesias.thinkprogress.org)	(136)
(action figures)		Mad Men Barbie dolls - now we can have sexist office politics in the comfort of our own basements - in easily washable plastic, no less  (popeater.com)	(85)
		Supreme Court to decide whether citizens have a right to "informational privacy" when applying for government positions, potentially opening the door to genetic screening and applicant's porn habits  (wired.com)	(69)
		Today's group expressing great disappointment that Obama hasn't lived up to the hype is... *rolls dice* ... atheists  (examiner.com)	(132)
		If you're a police officer who enjoys rubbing your penis on cars, you might want to skip mentioning that in your blog  (thelocal.se)	(54)
(Psychology Today)		It's official: Good-looking women like Lara Logan, Melissa Theuriau, and Debra LaFave still have edge in virtually everything over plain-looking women  (psychologytoday.com)	(156)
		The nicest nurse in the world fired for having sex with grieving men who just lost their wives to cancer  (thesun.co.uk)	(159)
		Derek Anderson, former quarterback of the Cleveland Browns, says Browns fans are "ruthless and don't deserve a winner." Yeah, it's safe to say he remembers Clevelanders cheering when he tore a knee ligament  (content.usatoday.com)	(118)

		To teach Canadians a lesson about the importance of controlling government spending, Canadian finance minister spends $3,100 of taxpayer's money to fly to a Tim Horton's coffee shop and back  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(72)
		From the "Are you sure this is a good idea?" department: Water and Sewer to be merged. Bonus: gas company may handle merger  (indystar.com)	(59)
		Achievement Unlocked : Throw back a grenade before it explodes. Bonus : "I remember thinking that if I didn't pull this off, it was going to hurt"  (news.sky.com)	(204)
		Neither science nor logic will ever deter Jenny McCarthy's unrelenting will-to-idiocy: "With so many kids with autism, the environment has to be to blame, and vaccines are an obvious culprit"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(143)
		Give the NY Times a month until they notice it and call it a trend: Young women videoblog the aftermath of their shopping trips to the mall  (boingboing.net)	(30)
		Start at 0 for the news but fast forward to 1:00 for the entertainment  (youtube.com)	(28)
		Arizona set to wipe out government services for thousands of children and poor. In the name of Jesus  (azcentral.com)	(252)
		Under new 'poverty measurement ' guidlines being proposed by Obama, countries like Bangladesh and Haiti will actually have lower poverty rates than the United States. Bonus: Even LBJ rejected this bullsh*t  (article.nationalreview.com)	(130)
		Beastie Boys delay new album while all three members get hip replacement surgery and have their colostomy bags adjusted  (rollingstone.com)	(34)
		England has found a way of ridding itself of superweed that doesn't involve college freshmen  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(17)
		The CIA recommended the use of Ensure Plus for the liquid diet so that detainees wouldn't die from inhaling their own vomit during torture. Seriously  (salon.com)	(306)
		Half of Americans have less than 10K saved for retirement. Those who have more will no doubt be asked to share their pie  (money.cnn.com)	(781)
		Remeber that coming "crippling shortage" of rare earth elements used in virtually all high-tech devices? Turns out the US has a metric assload of them but can't be bothered to mine them  (news.yahoo.com)	(88)
(Mac|Life)		For all practical purposes, Apple's iPhone developer's agreement basically grants them ownership of every app you create. But it does let you sue them for up to and including the staggering sum of $50  (maclife.com)	(34)
		Unemployment is high, wages are stagnant, and worker productivity is up, so who's getting all the wealth generated?  (blogs.wsj.com)	(71)
		Government pension funds whose risky investments lost billions in the recession are trying to catch up with even riskier investments, such as buying stock in Confederated Slaveholders Inc  (nytimes.com)	(15)
		Europe bars Wall Street banks from government bond sales  (guardian.co.uk)	(22)
		Touted by environmentalists as the wave of the future, Spain's solar power program still needs massive subsidies and serves as an example of what not to do  (nytimes.com)	(141)
		Obama pushes health care reform by attacking insurance companies for high rates and rationing care, something that definitely won't happen once the government is in charge  (washingtonpost.com)	(217)
		Jimmy Kimmel and some of the handsomest men in entertainment hold a meeting of 'The Handsome Men's Club'. Come for the beefcake, stay for the Kimmel/Affleck/Jennifer Garner bed scene  (content.usatoday.com)	(37)
		UConn women win record 71st consecutive game. All three women's basketball fans suitably impressed  (courant.com)	(54)

		Gribble will turn wood into biofuel. John Redcorn unavailable for comment  (timesonline.co.uk)	(31)
		Headline: Women-owned aerospace business opens. Article: Sue (no aerospace experience) and Carrie (physical therapist) are backed by their hubbies with 49 years in aerospace and are seeking gov't contracts that prefer women owned businesses  (azcentral.com)	(87)
(Some Guy)		Iraq may be home to the oldest continually-inhabited human settlement in the world  (praguemonitor.com)	(27)
(Some Indie Hipster)		Pitchfork reviews new Pavement 5-disk box set, gives it a perfect score of 10.0  (pitchfork.com)	(72)
		Now that the accusations against ACORN have proven to be nothing more than clever video editing by a felon-to-be, I bet journalists and politicians are glad that they didn't rush to judgment on the case and do something stupid  (news.yahoo.com)	(197)
		That weird lady who rushed up and interrupted Oscar speech of the Best Documentary Short director? She's his collaborator, they're not speaking, and his mom blocked her with a cane to get him to the mic first  (salon.com)	(93)
		Funkiest thing you'll see all day: Animated promo for Parliment's "Funkentelechy Vs. The Placebo Syndrome"  (youtube.com)	(21)
		Oklahoma conservatives are a little apprehensive about giving the government power over their relationships  (news.yahoo.com)	(155)
		Oh look, a terrifying employment graph  (consumerist.com)	(173)

(Some Guy)		California's solution to encourage business growth during a recession: Impose strict environmental regulations, driving business out of the state  (sbsun.com)	(54)
		Lewis Carroll's original Alice in Wonderland story is actually: a) political satire; b) pedophile fantasy; or c) commentary about recent mathematical theories  (nytimes.com)	(48)
		The battle for the little gold men finally hits the stage. "Avatar" or "The Hurt Locker"? Cameron or Bigelow? Bullock or Streep? We'd ask more, but that's about all the drama for your 2010 Oscars discussion  (peoplestylewatch.com)	(1841)
		What do you get when you add barely legal sentiments, White Canadian reggae-rap, and Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys? You get a trainwreck wrapped in Puff Shady awesomeness is what  (youtube.com)	(21)
(Second Amendment March)		So, a bunch of gun nuts are going to be marching in a second amendment demonstration in DC. On April 19th. The anniversary of Waco and the OKC bombing. I'm sure that's just a coincidence  (secondamendmentmarch.com)	(489)
(Michael Moore)		Michael Moore wants to replace Rahm Emanuel, only wants a dollar a year, a cot in the White House basement, unlimited all you can eat buffets  (michaelmoore.com)	(48)
(Daily Home)		Congratulations are in order for Talladega College men's basketball team for winning their second straight USCAA Championship. Fark: The TC women's team won the USCAA national championship too  (dailyhome.com)	(23)
		Seven men arrested for praying in a parking lot. Oddly enough, the "I will pray wherever I want" brigade completely silent. Aaah, yeah, the men are Muslim  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(123)
		Man has a mountain of sand and hangs women's underwear outside his home. And then it gets weird. (w/video)  (wftv.com)	(91)
		Six armed gunmen go all in, rob Berlin poker tournament on live TV  (youtube.com)	(67)
		Achievement Unlocked: Leaving your infant daughter to die of neglect because you're too busy raising a virtual child online. Bonus: Both parents arrested and charged  (videogames.yahoo.com)	(177)

		Not news: Two men arrested for fighting. Fark: Over someone's favorite parking spot at McDonald's  (thedenverchannel.com)	(34)
		Catholic preschool bars re-enrollment of child with two mommies. (Sadly, no pics of what two mommies might look like)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(287)
		"How Bill Maher manages to summon enough denial to spend a few hundred words on the subject of unqualified celebrities holding elected office without mentioning the words 'Barack' or 'Obama' is beyond me."  (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(127)
		Brit tries to answer readers' burning questions about American TV cliches: do cops really eat doughnuts, how come women eat ice cream from the carton, what are those metal thingies in school hallways, and so on  (guardian.co.uk)	(150)
		Oscar producers urge viewers to tune in early or they could miss out on important sequences like who wins the award for Best Key Grip for a Documentary Short involving Parisian squirrels who ride bikes  (news.yahoo.com)	(32)

(Some Guys)		Photoshop this aerospace adjustment  (upload.wikimedia.org)	(48)
(Some 9-Iron)		Because he has morals, standards, and integrity, Tiger Woods turns down an endorsement offer from an Irish gambling consortium  (digitalspy.com)	(14)
		MLB's ugliest uniforms. "Picture a pair of pajamas that you'd make a kid wear as punishment for misbehaving during the day, and there you have the Astros' uniforms of the early seventies."  (life.com)	(68)
		"Expunge straight women from the military and you've cleansed the force of the toxic effect they have on esprit de corps, and on rates of illegitimacy and welfarism."  (wnd.com)	(115)
		A segment from a pilot, The Clubhouse of D*ckheads, for Comedy Central. Theater geeks and nerds do rap. Good stuff. One line Not safe for work  (youtube.com)	(18)
(Some Guy)		And the nerds will look up and shout "Please don't try to make a Watchmen sequel," and Hollywood will whisper, "No"    (ijustwanttofitin.com)	(174)
		Pentagon Metro shooter liked to post anti-government rants online that claim our political system attacks moral values. You know, as opposed to shooting random people  (abcnews.go.com)	(298)
		As expected, the unemployment rate remains unexpectedly unchanged  (abcnews.go.com)	(75)
		San Francisco has hit on a brilliant way to get rid of its sewage treatment byproducts: Call them "high-quality, nutrient-rich, organic bio-solids compost" and get gullible hippy gardeners to haul them away for free  (abcnews.go.com)	(155)
		In a technological leap forward, African countries are now using the latest in 19th century land mine clearing advancements  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(29)
		Now that Israel and Turkey are all pissy at each other, Turkey can't get the U.S. pro-Israeli lobby to ensure the U.S. congress doesn't accuse Turkey of an Armenian Genocide  (jpost.com)	(59)
		Steven Speilberg, George Lucas, and Harrison Ford agreed on "a germ of an idea" for the 5th Indiana Jones movie. Which is an improvement of the virus that was the 4th Indiana Jones    (news.bbc.co.uk)	(120)
		Simon & Garfunkel to launch "Retirement is Expensive" tour  (starpulse.com)	(30)
		Study: Men become more accident prone around beautiful women. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go change my shorts  (dailymail.co.uk)	(146)

		News: Study finds large differences in people's definitions of "had sex". Weird: 23% of old men don't consider intercourse to be "sex"  (labspaces.net)	(118)
(Some Guy)		In a wise use of manpower and resources, cops surround apartment for two hours to wait for a warrant to bust someone for smoking a joint  (greensburgdailynews.com)	(372)
		Experimental vaccine protects monkeys against chikungunya, but not bananarama, or dynamitosis  (physorg.com)	(15)
		Celebrate Women's History Month with a review of apoplectic liberal misogyny directed towards strong, intelligent conservative women  (michellemalkin.com)	(200)
		So you know that data you destroyed that showed your sheriff's department was racially profiling? Good news - we found it for you  (azcentral.com)	(109)
		You're not gonna believe this, but for about 15 seconds last night, women's basketball was interesting  (rivals.yahoo.com)	(52)
		Bush might have been able to get rid of North Korea's despotic government if he'd known he had a secret weapon: Moon Pies  (news.yahoo.com)	(46)
(azfamily.com)		From the "So crazy it just might work" department: Arizona lawmakers want to fill abandoned mine shafts with old tires  (azfamily.com)	(238)
		Government sources confirm second party involved in JFK incident  (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(190)
		Equal opportunity harrassment: Claims by men against women in the workplace doubling. Fark: Twice as many men also happier  (hosted.ap.org)	(97)
		Ocean erodes barrier island. State environmental official says, "There needs to be a comprehensive focus on what is causing this"  (boston.com)	(144)
		Seeking a partial solution to the health care conundrum? Let's try a goofy investment scheme left over from 30s detective novels  (npr.org)	(40)
		Pop singer Shakira given a medal by the UN for her her work helping impoverished children, and her achievements in the field of having a sweet, sweet, ass  (aolnews.com)	(234)
		Good news: Unemployments claims fall. Bad news: Because people's benefits are expiring  (money.cnn.com)	(127)
		When Al Sharpton is convening a meeting to determine whether you are too big of an embarassment to continue in the public spotlight, it really is time to resign  (abcnews.go.com)	(89)
		It's almost that time again. Sign up for 2010 Fark NCAA Tournament Pick'em. Search on Fark, no pw necessary. Duke sucks  (games.espn.go.com)	(57)
		Ladies, just because its now trendy to have a relationship with men 20 years younger doesn't give you the right the shoot him. This holds especially true if you're a lobbyist for an anti-domestic violence organization  (ajc.com)	(49)
		Explosives expert uses controlled blast in Boeing 747 to simulate power of underwear bomb from Detroit-bound flight. Cool video on your port side, comments of variable intelligence on your starboard side  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(181)
		WNBA team is holding tryouts for an all-male practice squad. "I encourage any man who thinks he is on the same level or even thinks he can outplay the women from the Mercury to put his skills to the test"  (azcentral.com)	(103)
(thebigmoney.com)		Ever wonder what a hand model's face looks like? Neither have I. But now you'll know, unfortunately, J.B. Pruett unavailable for comment  (thebigmoney.com)	(55)
		Tiger's caddy announces his retirement  (deadspin.com)	(33)

		News: Political document found declares Republican donors as ego-maniacs who respond to fear. Fark: It's an RNC fundraiser presentation  (politico.com)	(203)
		Michelle Bachmann vs Alan Grayson debating health care on Larry King tonight. Popcorn in lap, comments to the right  (huffingtonpost.com)	(562)
		Teach for America volunteers have been credited by Obama's education secretary as key to huge improvements in post-Katrina New Orleans schools. Naturally, the teachers' union in Detroit is fighting it tooth and nail  (detnews.com)	(63)
		"As I stood there looking like a Roy Orbison impersonator in my specially polarized glasses, I made a mental note to call my wife and apologize for the money we'll be dropping on 3-D televisions in the next few years."  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(96)
		Even development of green energy system can't save Boom Blox team from job losses  (kotaku.com)	(24)
(Haaretz)		"Going to raid Qatanah in the West Bank with my IDF unit tomorrow." Comment | Like  (haaretz.com)	(160)
		Robert Pattinson offered to strip naked for a full-frontal photoshoot in Details magazine, "but nobody wanted to see it" so he didn't, disappointing millions of gay men, teenaged girls and women whose marriages died years ago  (starpulse.com)	(107)
		Contrary to what her public persona may suggest, Megan Fox claims she has only had sex with two men - and not at the same time either  (bittenandbound.com)	(104)
(Daily Bulletin)		Ohhhhh, you meant THAT bloody knife & clothing in the mentally-ill parolee halfway house  (dailybulletin.com)	(17)
		Have you ever wondered what Tik Tok sounds like with a piano accompaniment sung by Brian Williams daughter? Well, wonder no longer  (youtube.com)	(39)
(Some Guy)		NYC bakery makes nothing but "Manly cupcakes for manly men"  (butchbakery.com)	(55)
(Corcoran)		Rush Limbaugh's NYC penthouse apartment is up for sale - it's Graceland for right-wingers, and about as tastefully decorated  (corcoran.com)	(120)
		Don't worry, government single-payer health care is coming: "Whatever reform we get is only the first draft of what must follow: a declaration of independence from the insurance industry"  (boston.com)	(293)
		To meet the Obama administration's targets for cutting greenhouse gas emissions, Americans may have to experience gas at $7 a gallon. No comment from Al Gore, but he's looking a little nervous after hearing that  (dotearth.blogs.nytimes.com)	(618)
(Some Guy)		Too stupid to learn the terms of your mortgage? The government stepped in to hold your hand. Now whether or not you're too stupid to find your own free credit report the government has decided to hold your hand and show you that way too  (redtape.msnbc.com)	(273)

(fox chicago)		Two women to split $98K in reward money for helping police crack the Brown's Chicken massacre case. Actually, one tipped off police. The other one held back the names of the killers for nine years  (myfoxchicago.com)	(76)
(ChicagoNow.com)		23 great moments in sports Twitter history (that never happened)  (chicagonow.com)	(28)
(Winnipeg Free Press)		Punishment pending in the lapdancing teacher incident. Fark: To the students who recorded it  (winnipegfreepress.com)	(106)
(Chronicle of Higher Ed)		The story of the rainbow trout in America, the government welfare fish that muscled its way into the nation's coldwater streams  (chronicle.com)	(111)
		Not content with treating the US Constitution as a "living document," the religious left and their secular muscle now want to confer the same status on The Bible - another work written by God  (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(229)
		Two high school basketball players will miss the upcoming state tounament because: A) Their grades are poor, B) they are injured, or C) they both punched the referee during their last game  (jsonline.com)	(81)
		In Malaysia, women can be whipped if they drink a beer in public or have sex out of wedlock. But only Muslim women. Infidel women can be drunken sluts to their heart's content  (theage.com.au)	(209)
(Has it been Fifteen Minutes Yet?)		Lady Gaga says that women get a "bad deal" in sex. And he'd know    (digitalspy.com)	(100)
		Obnoxious California slang word proposed as unit of scientific measurement. That's hella lame  (cbs13.com)	(156)
		Court says lawyers who didn't question witnesses, sumbit evidence, or make opening or closing statements in death row case "did the best they could with what they had"  (rgj.com)	(59)
		USPS considers cutting delivery of Saturday mail due to mountain of debt. But don't worry citizen, government run healthcare will run much more efficiently  (money.cnn.com)	(213)
(Times Tribune)		"A Scranton man who told police three men jumped him and assaulted him with a razor blade Sunday morning actually cut himself by running through the woods shirtless and punching trees, police said"  (thetimes-tribune.com)	(87)
		Because rebooting one established franchise isn't enough for Marvel, they're retooling the X-Men. As long as Bendis isn't around, it might be good  (io9.com)	(55)

		"There is no legitimate fundamental reason for higher [gas] prices, but it is March 1st, so we have to expect to see them"  (abcnews.go.com)	(48)
(WLWT.COM)		Man who bulldozed home ahead of foreclosure gets his eureka moment too late: auction his carpet business  (wlwt.com)	(49)
		John Lydon claims Arctic Monkeys are a "showbiz construct." Malcolm McLaren unavailable for comment  (contactmusic.com)	(30)
		If Duke sucks, the week 16 NCAA men's basketball AP rankings say Kentucky sucks only slightly less  (sports.espn.go.com)	(48)
		Things to spend $40,000 on: a new car, a couple of years in college, a down payment on a house, or maybe a crappy old Nintendo game  (videogames.yahoo.com)	(68)
(Northern Advocate)		Police say roadside speed display signs are for entertainment only and should not be taken as an accurate indication of your speed  (northernadvocate.co.nz)	(134)
		Pat Robertson offers compassionate words of encouragement to the people of Chile over their natural tragedy. Just kidding. He says they had it coming for making god angry. Bonus:"...personal hero of mine, Augusto Pinochet"  (open.salon.com)	(194)
(Some Birther)		People who think Joseph Farrah is nuts are the "real conspiracy theorists." Reverse vampires unavailable for comment  (wnd.com)	(94)
		The scene resembled a teenager's bedroom, except for all the naked women  (myfoxdc.com)	(69)
		So what happens to businesses when you cut profits, raise taxes, and ramp up unemployment to double digits? Well, they make fewer accounting mistakes, for one thing  (usatoday.com)	(24)
		Russian President Dmitry Medvedev demands sports officials resign after Olympic performance, commences Operation Drago  (sports.espn.go.com)	(91)

(TriCities.com)		American Taliban: Group hands out leaflets to women dressed "provocatively", blaming them if they get raped  (www2.tricities.com)	(495)
(Some Whovians)		Dr. Who fans have a lot of disposable income, given that someone spent over $40,000 on a Dalek prop. Guess it must be nice not having to pay your parents rent for staying in the basement  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(65)
		Airlines taking their lessons from cellphone companies, charging extra for "amenities." Like $80 for an aisle seat  (sfgate.com)	(210)
(Some Guy)		Nevada goes the way of France by implementing 4 day work week. Brie eating surrender monkeys rejoice  (lasvegassun.com)	(71)
(Some Guy)		ATF takes shipment of airsoft guns because "with minimal work it could be converted to a machine gun"  (koinlocal6.com)	(180)
(College Voice)		If you are a professor and asked for a local example of a government official drawing a salary and pension for the same job and answer "the sheriff" then expect him to show up before the end of class and to be kissing his feet  (media.www.mcccvoice.org)	(118)
		Starting this week, thousands of Iowans will lose their unemployment benefits thanks to a lack of action on behalf of the government. GO BIPARTISANSHIP  (qctimes.com)	(407)
		"On Feb 3rd, National Intelligence Director Dennis Blair, in open testimony before the House intelligence committee, acknowledged that American citizens can be assassinated at our government's discretion" Ron Paul  (liveleak.com)	(111)

		Unemployment above 10% and presidential approval in the 30s: a portrait of our failure of a one-term President  (dailykos.com)	(163)
		New Mexico man racks up $700 phone bill waiting on hold to claim $700 unemployment check. Ironic tag and Fail tag high five each other  (huffingtonpost.com)	(94)
		Obama administration meets with dozens of religious organizations, and one atheist organization. Sean Hannity reacts: "Why is Obama giving special treatment to atheists?"  (mediamatters.org)	(141)
		"Although many men think they have struck gold when they discover Shannon has an addiction to sex, they quickly discover that it is not every man's fantasy"  (thesun.co.uk)	(402)
		Women's roller derby not silly enough for you? Try a ladies' arm wrestling league  (washingtonpost.com)	(42)
		I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar. Canadian men's hockey team wins semi-final against Slovokia, set to play a rematch against the US team for the Gold medal  (nhl.com)	(300)
		Remodel your apartment kitchen with stuff you bought at IKEA? That's a lawsuitin'  (cbsnews.com)	(94)
		Taking a cell phone pic of your kid on an amusement park ride? Yeah that's classic pedophile behavior. You're going to have to come along with us, sir  (dailymail.co.uk)	(206)
		Majority of Americans believe government is a threat to citizen rights. Tea Party on, pinkoes  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(193)
		Tiny bubbles / ultra-fine / alter light and acoustic signatures in ocean environments / end of line  (news.discovery.com)	(9)
		Chinese women's gymnastic team from 2000 Olympics to be stripped of bronze medal because at least one member of the squad was underage. This is not a repeat from 2008, though it probably should be  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)		AMA, 6 months ago: A public option will result in us making less money, so we're not going to help you. AMA, now: Medicare payments about to be cut? Why won't you government officials help us?  (naplesnews.com)	(65)

		Inspired by the Tea Party movement, progressives form the "Coffee Party" as a grassroots effort to promote their issues and give trustafarians something to do all day other than smoke weed  (washingtonpost.com)	(79)
		Senate votes in favor of extending unemployment benefits. Just kidding, Jim Bunning (R-KY) holds up the process, tells his Democratic colleagues "tough shiat" and complains about missing a basketball game  (dailykos.com)	(131)
		Checked bags, peanuts and pillows aren't free anymore but the in-flight stewardess fistfight is still complimentary in New York  (nypost.com)	(52)
		North Korean rice shipment to the Republic of Congo found to contain a suspicious level of T-55 tank parts. Authorities tipped off by the unlikelyhood of North Korea having any extra rice to ship anywhere    (news.bbc.co.uk)	(74)
		Old and busted: Canadian women's hockey team celebration. The new hotness: Russian bobsledder cheering after Canadians massively crash (w/video)  (deadspin.com)	(48)
		The main factor that explains the ferocity, the hateful, the sheer derangement of the left's anti-Palin barrage is this: They are powerless to stop her. And they know it  (americanthinker.com)	(673)
		9 year-old British girl finds 700 year-old coin while working in her garden. 14 years later she is convicted in court for keeping the "Treasure" and not handing it over to the government  (dailymail.co.uk)	(367)
		Sid Meyer's Civilization 5 Announcement Trailer  (pc.ign.com)	(126)
		After handing the American women their asses, Canadian Women's hockey team gets the gold medal in "how to celebrate your gold medal"  (cbc.ca)	(253)
(Some Estevez)		CBS and Warner Brothers may sue Charlie Sheen for enterting rehab and halting production on the third-funniest network sitcom Two and a Half Men  (digitalspy.com)	(105)

(Some Guy)		Xerox accuses Google of copyright infringement  (bizjournals.com)	(63)
		The government's E-verify system that checks workers' SS#'s to ensure they are legally allowed to work in this country, has one teeny tiny flaw: It has no way of knowing that the SS# you give is really yours  (news.yahoo.com)	(144)
		Please call 1-800-TIPS to report suspicious behavior, including but not limited to; faceless men, human-turtle hybrids, over-sized band-aid bandits, the undead homeless, or Burt Reynolds circa 1979  (huffingtonpost.com)	(73)
		Democrats need to stop whining about GOP filibuster threats. "Besides, has a filibuster ever prevented eventual enactment of anything significant that an American majority has desired, strongly and protractedly?"  (nypost.com)	(92)
		Wanna watch the government talk about not doing anything about health care? The Health Care Summit discussion thread now open  (c-span.org)	(412)
		Julia Mancuso is upset at Lindsey Vonn. Lets all hope that the argument doesn't come to blows. And doubly hope the fisticuffs dont occur next to a kiddie pool full of jello  (boston.com)	(68)
(News-Leader.com)		Hospital admits those receiving certain cancer treatment last year were exposed to dangerous levels of radiation. A spokesperson for the patients indicated that he was, "angry, and you wouldn't like [him] when [he's] angry."  (news-leader.com)	(41)
		Team Canada beats the Russians in men's Olympic hockey for the first time in 50 years  (cbc.ca)	(282)

		Senate Dems adopted 161 amendments and key GOP planks while soft-pedaling the public option. That's not compromise?  (salon.com)	(121)
(Some Golfer)		Not news: A bunch of white guys are coming to the Augusta area for the Masters Tournament. Fark: It's the KKK  (chronicle.augusta.com)	(154)
		Apparently, Fritz Henderson, the CEO who ran GM into bankruptcy and government bailout, knows so much about the company and the industry that they've hired him back as a consultant. Fark: at $3000 an hour  (money.cnn.com)	(71)
		No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women, no roids, no sin, no choking, no wonder the press is bored with A-Rod  (nydailynews.com)	(38)
		Having solved the crushing deficit, high unemployment, and miserable education, the Tennessee legislature gets down to the crucial vote: Whether to allow fish tanks in barber shops  (tennessean.com)	(31)
		Glenn Beck is now scaring the GOP establishment. And by "GOP establishment", we of course mean Rush Limbaugh  (dailykos.com)	(152)
		In the 1800's, the US government put the local indian tribes on a reservation. Today, that reservation sits on billions of barrels of oil. Drill, Kimosabe, drill  (news.yahoo.com)	(63)
		VA Republican who said that disabled children are a punishment from God for prior abortions is upset that people have misconstrued his statements to mean he believes that disabled children are a punishment from God for prior abortions  (washingtonpost.com)	(66)
		The Del-Lords, who basically started the Americana movement 25 years ago, reunite for an unannounced show in NYC. With Video Proof. Eat your heart out Uncle Tupelo  (youtube.com)	(30)
		Norway's men's hockey team has a guy on it that is referred to as "the Norwegian Hobbit Wizard". Can't you just smell that testosterone (third entry down)  (nhl.com)	(lots)
(Some Guy)		Strangest moments from Golden Age batman comics, including Batman kicking an extra point in a physically impossible manner  (comicsalliance.com)	(26)
(Some Cutter)		The best news you'll read today: Echo & The Bunnymen are going on a US tour after playing Coachella  (slicingupeyeballs.com)	(24)
		Italian court finds Google violated privacy. Xeni Jardin and 3 others liked this. View all 5 comments  (nytimes.com)	(137)
		2010 Olympic women curlers. Giggity  (tmz.com)	(123)
		On his website, men's figure skating silver medalist Evgeni Plushenko congratulates gold medalist Evan Lysacek on his win. Nah, I'm kidding, Plushenko posted a pic of himself wearing a "platinum medal"  (sports.yahoo.com)	(83)
(NCAA)		The NCAA makes up for all their stupid sanctions by giving us this glorious thing - EVERY NCAA Tournament game from the Sweet 16 on in the past decade. Subby will see you in May  (vault.ncaa.com)	(40)
		Ole Miss is holding a contest to find a replacement for their current mascot. The leader so far? IT'S A TRAP  (tmz.com)	(70)

		Navy plans to allow women to serve on submarines. Seaman  (earthtimes.org)	(275)
		Hillary Duff teaches women how to accept a marriage proposal. With photo greatness (Not safe for work)  (thesuperficial.com)	(177)
		Today's terrifying number from the Department of Oh Crap We're Screwed is: 702  (abcnews.go.com)	(288)
		Hillary Duff announces engagement to NHL player Mike Comrie. Comrie celebrated with mild checking against the boards before going five-hole    (abcnews.go.com)	(76)
(Some Guy)		"Hot Air" blog that was purchased by the Christian conglomerate Salem Communications from conservative commentator Michelle Malkin, has suddenly become an advocate for all things ghey  (renewamerica.com)	(99)
		Bryan Adams to be given Lifetime Achievement Award for Performing Arts, in hopes that he'll stop now  (thestarphoenix.com)	(14)
		Toyota to tell Congress that it's not electronics causing acceleration problems, but floor mats and gas pedals and cementheads who step on the wrong pedal  (nytimes.com)	(223)
		What do you get when you mix heavy metal and the Swedish Womens Olympic Curling Team? Pure awesomeness  (youtube.com)	(29)
		Scientists say that for men looking at a curvy woman has the same effect on the reward centers of the brain as a hit of drug. Which would make Christina Hendricks the equivalent of ten kilos of uncut China White  (news.yahoo.com)	(67)
		Ovechkin on the US men's win over Canada: "I was not surprised, I knew it would be a pretty hard game for Canada. They have probably the same style of game." and don't even get him started on that douche Crosby  (nhl.com)	(191)
		Steve King (R-eally loves terrorism): Terrorist attacks against government agencies are understandable because the IRS is un-American  (yglesias.thinkprogress.org)	(174)
		After Glenn Beck's stern denunciation of him at CPAC, there is now a movement among the right wing blogodome to brand Roosevelt as a socialist. TEDDY Roosevelt  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(174)
		Ayatollah Khomeini throws his support to the anti-government protestors, futher destabilizing the repressive government. No, this isn't a repeat of 1979, but it's beginning to feel like it  (abcnews.go.com)	(80)
		Municipal union boss complains of government envisioning "a system devoid of workers", which of course is vastly inferior to the current system devoid of working  (nypost.com)	(17)
		Remember a time when facts settled arguments? Those were the good old days, before the dark times ... before people became estranged from critical thinking, divorced from logic, alienated from even objective truth  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(699)
		The 10 best music documentaries. Fact fiction  (denofgeek.com)	(126)
		Three men in their mid-30s devise a plan to steal gas from a gas station's underground tank using a van with a false floor and an elaborate siphoning system. Would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddlesome gas fumes  (azcentral.com)	(93)
		Dalai Lama joins Twitter, can now share his deeply spiritual bowel movements in real time  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(24)
		Research shows that women make 3 times as many hot drinks for workmates as men. No word on making turkey pot pie  (dailymail.co.uk)	(80)
(Some girly man)		"Pink frosting and/or sprinkles cause testicular shrinkage. Men just can't be too careful."  (calgaryherald.com)	(51)
		Now that American Evan Lysacek won a gold medal for men's figure skating, he thought it would be a good time to let everyone know he is a dating a gymnast. A female gymnast. Not that there would be anything wrong if he wasn't  (nbcolympics.com)	(71)
		Not news: Woman attacked in street. News: With a sword. Fark: Attacker said the reason for the assault was "Four quarts low on the truck" TotalFark: Did Subby mention attacker is a psychiatrist?  (local12.com)	(57)

		Leaked Interior Dept document shows Obama Administration planning to create "stealth" national monuments  (deseretnews.com)	(211)
(Some Guy)		Virginia Republican says disabled children are God's punishment for women having abortions  (newsleader.com)	(228)
		Hands down, the most adorable 911 call you'll ever hear- 5 year old Savannah has crisis management skills we should all envy  (youtube.com)	(38)
		Former sheepherder now speaks Spanish and English besides other middle eastern languages, and can't get enough pizza or vegetarian sub sandwiches. Ladies and gentlemen, Gitmo turned this man into a monster  (abcnews.go.com)	(110)
		Evan Bayh released a document diagnosing the fatal flaws of the US Senate. "Power is constantly sought through the use of means which render its effective use, once acquired, impossible."  (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(81)
		Today marks beginning of Beer Week in Sacramento. Meanwhile, Stockton gears up for Meth Week  (sacbee.com)	(57)
		"The very idea that a political party dominated by neocons, warmongers, surveillance fetishists, and privacy-hating social conservatives will be a party of "limited government" is absurd on its face"  (salon.com)	(314)
		Oregon WR kicked off team for profanity-filled Facebook rant after mistakenly thinking that a teammate had been kicked off the team for DUI, then follows it up with a racist comment  (usatoday.com)	(52)
		82 year-old Paul Volcker endorses increasing the retirement age for Social Security, lands a roundhouse kick on the mortgage market  (businessweek.com)	(113)
		Family finds box containing mementos of their deceased mother's first husband, including his Purple Heart and Silver Star from Korea with letter signed by Harry Truman, and a photo of her with hole made by the bullet that killed him  (helenair.com)	(150)
		Women fight on Facebook, then decide to sort it out face-to-face. Thing is, one of them forgot to bring her knife  (news.com.au)	(57)

		Unemployed in the U.S.? Neck-deep in debt? Be glad you aren't in Spain, where collectors use bizarre public shaming to get payments  (abcnews.go.com)	(164)
		Women passes away at 93 leaving 15 children, 200 grandchildren and 2000 great-grandchildren. Funeral procession to be one hearse and 317 Suvs    (nytimes.com)	(215)
		Arizona GOP State Representative wants to bring an incandescent bulb factory to Arizona so the Federal Government won't force him to switch to those commie fluorescent lightbulbs  (azcentral.com)	(210)
		Calm down, tinfoil-hat-wearing wingnuts: Those blacked-out sections of the government's UFO reports were just the bits where they were calling you tinfoil-hat-wearing wingnuts  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(75)
(Some Canuck)		"The witness, who wished to remain anonymous, said he had just parked his vehicle when he observed several women crouching down, appearing to have a conversation with the Grand Prix's tail lights"  (windsorstar.com)	(48)
		Chances are the hair weaves and extensions you've paid for at expensive salons came from temples in India where poor women sacrificed it to their gods to give thanks. Fashion industry claims it's a win/win  (abc.net.au)	(63)
		Spain blames economic crisis on Anglo-Saxon conspiracy. Æthelred the Unready unable for comment  (pajamasmedia.com)	(39)

		Further cementing its spot as the Midwest's hippest state, Iowa is now looking to repeal a law that bans breweries from making and selling beer that has more than 5 percent alcohol content  (desmoinesregister.com)	(107)
		A masked man, a citizens group, a judge and other motorists are behind the fight against photo enforcement, ensuring there will be plenty of Fark headlines from Arizona  (latimes.com)	(106)
		Seth MacFarlane goes on "Real Time with Bill Maher" and responds to Sarah Palin's attacks against him, and it turns into a Palin-bashing segment of awesomeness  (tv.gawker.com)	(517)
		Monastery in Austria is offering men the chance to be a monk for a weekend. Have some time for contemplation, search for inner peace, find God, bone up on onanism    (news.bbc.co.uk)	(45)
		With no hopes of a medal, a lynx is on the loose and enjoying a couple of shining Olympic moments just in time for Caturday (with pics)  (washingtonpost.com)	(858)
		Fark: Hockey in danger of being removed from the Olympics due to dominance by America. Not News Anymore: It's Women's Hockey  (olympics.fanhouse.com)	(73)
		Dutch government rudderless  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(34)
		Bush administration lawyers used poor judgment, though they didn't commit professional misconduct, when they wrote memos authorizing torture  (bloomberg.com)	(305)

(Some Concerned Citizen)		Florida Concerned Citizens For Better State Government request you join them in a short state wide survey of how you feel our state government should progress. I see what they did there  (gulf1.com)	(39)
		Ahhh, CPAC. Where flying planes into government buildings full of American citizens is simply hilarious  (wonkette.com)	(125)
		For some reason, Wesley Snipes got asked what he thought about the dude who attacked the IRS building. No comment (yet) from Willie Nelson  (abcnews.go.com)	(71)
		Today's environmental activists tend to be wimpy, mainstreamy policy wonks whom no one really likes. "It's all about the bottom line. Raising funds has become their most important cause; the planet comes a distant second"  (telegraph.co.uk)	(48)
(White House)		Want President Obama to speak at your high school commencement? 1. Submit an application. 2. Get selected as a finalist. 3. Win public vote. 4. [Something about teleprompters]  (whitehouse.gov)	(119)
(Some Guy)		How big has Google become? Department of Justice says Microsoft/Yahoo merger will be good for competition  (eweek.com)	(23)
		NY Times finally publishes hit-piece on Gov. Paterson where he admits that "...all I'm doing is drinking, chasing women, doing drugs." Ok maybe that was out of context but whatever  (nytimes.com)	(22)
(Liquid Metal)		James Cameron says he will not return to the Terminator franchise, will instead focus on Avatar-related projects, including the development of the Na'vi's evil neighbors, the Ga'rg'am'el's    (digitalspy.com)	(64)
		Canadian hockey team avoids a violent evisceration and dismemberment at the hands of an angry country as thet beat Switzerland 3-2 on a shootout  (nytimes.com)	(209)
		If you're standing at the Washington Monument and looking at the Washington Monument and you don't know it's the Washington Monument then you're on your own  (myfoxdc.com)	(122)
		Sports commentator accused of homophobia for mentioning which closet skin tight figure skating uniforms are kept in  (abc.net.au)	(47)
		Women caned for illicit sex said they regretted their actions and welcomed the punishment, one adding, "And then the oral sex, yes?"  (news.com.au)	(128)
(The Olympian)		Protip: When looking for a way to supplement your mayoral income, selling marijuana may not be the best choice  (theolympian.com)	(37)
		Phil Jackson whines about Cavaliers picking up Jamison for a bag of beans. Pau Gasol unavailable for comment    (sports.espn.go.com)	(73)

		Kid Rock on Fox: "I have nightmares everyone will be driving priuses and living in a condo ... but everyone will have health insurance." Hey, a condo is better than your parent's basement  (newsbusters.org)	(81)
		NBC reporter asks Gold medal winning Dutch speedskater Sven Kramer who he is, and he gives her the response she deserves {video awesomeness]  (tv.gawker.com)	(152)
		Despite Nancy Pelosi recently releasing "job losses" chart showing improvement since Obama took office, new data shows jobless claims jumped unexpectedly last week. Change you can believe in  (msnbc.msn.com)	(36)
		Katy Perry: "Sometimes, I feel like a big strawberry with a face on it." Not to mention the best knockers in the fruit universe  (stylenews.peoplestylewatch.com)	(73)
		Former Intelligence Committee Chair Bob Graham says there's no difference in how Bush and Obama handle terror suspects and Lincoln is probably doing a half-gainer in his grave because of Cheney's recent comments  (news.yahoo.com)	(43)
		Mets' David Wright apparently still suffering mental problems from being beaned last season  (nypost.com)	(64)
		'Fat birds get laid sooner, have more one-night stands' says report from the Department of Not What You Think  (theregister.co.uk)	(47)
		Akon admits that he's the one to blame for you having to hear Lady Gaga's name mentioned 11 times every farking day  (starpulse.com)	(47)
		Why are so many women not having sex? This is new?  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk)	(220)
		Thomas Friedman, professional smart person, says this whole argument over global warming would be solved with the publication of "a simple 50-page paper with unimpeachable peer-reviewed footnotes"  (nytimes.com)	(100)

		Canada drops the ball yet again, lets a mentally ill man with a homemade security pass through two checkpoints and to within feet of Joe Biden during Vancouver opening ceremonies  (ctvbc.ctv.ca)	(154)
		The last sardine factory in the U.S. is closing its doors causing 128 people to crowd the unemployment office like... like... something  (bangordailynews.com)	(130)
		Teen with brass balls pulls woman, two children from car stuck on tracks moments before train smashed into it  (sacbee.com)	(112)
		Dolph Lundgren is on a Segway. Your argument is invalid. (video)  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(21)
		Obama administration grants Temporary Protected Status (TPS) to Haitians illegally residing in United States. If only there were some kind of report summarizing the government's efforts to keep track of them  (abcnews.go.com)	(137)
		The final nail in the coffin of evolution: the DNA of any two African bushmen are more dissimilar than an African and a European, and apparently Archbishop Desmond Tutu's great grandfather was a man-whore  (msnbc.msn.com)	(152)
		Sorority hazing is becoming increasingly violent, disturbing, Bonus: mention of the abominable practice of "boob ranking"  (abcnews.go.com)	(286)
		Russian men's hockey team, led by Sergei Federov and a who's who of Russian superstars, spanks Latvians 8-2 (with pic of what a crying Latvian may look like)  (nhl.com)	(79)
		Marvel to make X-Men, Spider-Man "Astonishing" again  (io9.com)	(47)
		Canadian men's hockey team takes 22 minutes to score first goal against Norway - then adds 7 more. Bonus: Norway's starting goalie is pulled due to cramps, "his replacement ... could barely get in the way of the puck."  (nhl.com)	(66)
		Israel says there is no reason to believe they killed a top Hamas figure in his Dubai hotel room. Other than the the 11 men who travelled together to Dubai using fake Israeli passports shortly before he got dead, that is  (abcnews.go.com)	(465)
		The State Department sends their newest government diplomat to strengthen and broaden ties between the United States and Russia. Ashton Kutcher ??.....*facepalm*  (news.cnet.com)	(53)
		Beyonce Knowles' father ordered to pay $8,200 a month in child support to his mistress. Do we really need to get into another argument about the possessive "s," or can we just mock Knowles's father?  (contactmusic.com)	(34)
		US women's hockey team drops 13-0 county jail beatdown on Russia. US credits a "S. Palin" with superior long-range "we can see you from here" scouting, and uber-secret "write plays on hand" maneuver  (news.yahoo.com)	(50)

(Esquire)		An amazing article about Roger Ebert, with an incredible and sad photo of what he looks like now. No snarky jokes in this headline, just a recommendation to read this  (esquire.com)	(139)
		The government orders Toyota to turn over documents related to its recalls, and company must respond within 30 to 60 days or face fines  (news.yahoo.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)		Cool: Having environmentally friendly Zambonis. Fail: Having to truck a non-environmentally friendly Zamboni 1000 km when they don't work  (winnipegfreepress.com)	(39)
		Judge rules that idiot kid's online rant is protected by the First Amendment. Youtube-commenters rejoice  (miamiherald.com)	(126)
(readthehook.com)		EBay pulls listings for back-issues of High Times magazine at federal government's request  (readthehook.com)	(123)
		Neighbors, armchair psychiatrists have field day with Alabama university shooter. "I believe men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but some women are from Mars"  (abcnews.go.com)	(56)
		30 Dumb Inventions: From a curved-barrel machine gun to a strapless, backless, wireless, support-less bra... even a baby cage so you can suspend your infant in a wire cage outside of your window to save room in your apartment  (life.com)	(138)
		From the "Goddammit I'd just managed to get that 80s song out of my head" department, it's Boys Don't Cry with I Wanna be a Cowboy  (youtube.com)	(21)
		Study suggests that women like to shop due to gatherer instincts  (msnbc.msn.com)	(114)
		The 2010 census hasn't started yet, and the federal government has already wasted millions of dollars in a breathtaking display of incompetence. But don't worry, they'll get health care right  (breitbart.com)	(380)
		Aerosmith is co-headlining the Download Festival, fueling rumors that Steven Tyler may reunite with the band, depriving the world of the awesomeness of a Billy Idol-fronted Aerosmith  (starpulse.com)	(21)
		High tech industry is facing a critical shortage of vital rare earth elements critical to almost all their devices. Gee if only they'd had some warning that RARE EARTHS were in limited supply  (news.yahoo.com)	(189)
(sportpost.com)		Rugby is a game between gentlemen. When I say "game" I mean fight and when I say "gentlemen" I mean hooligans  (sportpost.com)	(86)
		This is the Michael Jackson Thriller Barclays Center [deep breath] Hoyt-Schermenrhorn stop. Transfer for the A, C and G trains  (nypost.com)	(32)
		Sex researchers say that ill-fitting condoms are a problem, recommends new sizing charts: Ouchie, Jumbo, Extra-Large, Large, Normal, and Hummer-owner  (physorg.com)	(103)
		Video montage of all the figure skating fail during last night's Olympics coverage, complete with sighs of disappointment from the announcers  (tv.gawker.com)	(69)

		Mena Suvari has gone and done something even more retarded than getting a tattoo between her breasts  (starpulse.com)	(73)
		Anne Hathaway speaks out on the subject of men who can only climax while wearing only a trench coat and being yelled at by a woman in leather. About time  (starpulse.com)	(65)
		Australian PM Kevin Rudd thinks young women getting Ph.Ds is an "excuse" to avoid starting families  (smh.com.au)	(265)
		From the Don't Celebrate Too Soon Department: Paula Abdul may have left American Idol in order to be a judge on Simon Cowell's X-Factor  (contactmusic.com)	(14)
(Some Guy)		Buzy spammers already buzzing with excitement over Buzz  (news.techworld.com)	(30)
		Poet and two-time Pulitzer Prize finalist Clifton is dead. Andy Kaufman unavailable for comment  (upi.com)	(30)
		Georgia's Office of Student Achievement released its devastating report on suspected test tampering in Georgia schools last week. There is an investigation into these accusations .... by the same schools that were altering test scores  (ajc.com)	(53)
		"Family Guy" made fun of Sarah Palin's mentally disabled son tonight, and Facebook prepares for the Kanye West-level rant that she is about to unleash  (tv.gawker.com)	(258)
		Housing market set for the precipitous crash it avoided two years ago as government money runs out. Here comes the pain, buying opportunities  (nytimes.com)	(142)
		And the gold medal for best dressed Olympians goes to the Norwegian men's curling team. Don Cherry approves accordingly  (ctvolympics.ca)	(45)
		While the rest of the nation fights over Obamacare, Tennessee's own "TennCare" system has been a resounding success these past several years. Just kidding, it consumes 24% of their budget and is still under tremendous debt  (tennessean.com)	(317)
		Unemployed and living in your mom's basement playing video games all day? You're not lazy, you just have Sluggish Cognitive Tempo Disorder according to the latest edition of the psychiatrists' "bible."  (dailymail.co.uk)	(111)
		New suvery discovers most men would prefer to marry a woman with a pleasant nature than a supermodel. In other news, most men are taking surveys with their wives standing right next to them  (dailymail.co.uk)	(146)

		Key Climategate scientist uses the Thomas Dolby excuse for his inability to produce documentation - "She's tidied up and I can't find anything"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(338)
		Unnamed business in Wisconsin pays $1000/month to rent huge billboard calling for Obama's impeachment  (jsonline.com)	(208)
		Plot details of the third Batman movie are being leaked, and supposedly the Riddler will be the villain, and names like Lex Luthor and Metropolis get mentioned. Let's hope Neil Patrick Harris plays Edward Nigma  (io9.com)	(170)
		A record 38.2 million Americans now rely on the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, Oh SNAP  (guardian.co.uk)	(191)
		The venerable ABC news/entertainment people recommend that Jennifer Aniston make a sex tape in order to save her career. ABC .... I think I speak for all Farkers when I say, "I love you guys."  (abcnews.go.com)	(43)
		The Department of Homeland Security has disclosed that it will be monitoring the comments and posts on websites. It will be watching the Drudge Report, the Huffington Post, Twitter, Google. So, Farkers are safe for now. Right ??..... RIGHT??  (abcnews.go.com)	(282)
		Katy Perry loves men with "a bizarre f**ked-up sense of humor." Well, that explains her engagement to Russell Brand  (contactmusic.com)	(50)
		In New Jersey, eco-friendly funerals are in style - cement goulashes are out  (nj.com)	(37)
(Some Hipsters)		Great news, insomniacs: The Strokes have just releases a nine minute "behind the scenes" documentary about the recording of their new album  (nme.com)	(24)

		And the gold medal for "Silliest Comma Placement in a Headline" goes to the Dayton Daily News  (daytondailynews.com)	(114)
		High-class entertainment even Farkers can enjoy: The Greatest Tenor Crack Ever  (youtube.com)	(58)
		Democrats intend to document Repubicans' obstructionist whining for use during election season  (washingtonpost.com)	(297)
(Some Guy)		The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement... why smart people shouldn't breed  (vhemt.org)	(212)
		New poll shows Americans consider Tea Party movement a fruitless mix of racism, conspiracy theories  (foxnews.com)	(124)
		Arch conservative group calls for the resignation of the head of the IPCC. But who'd listen to Greenpeace on environmental issues?  (hotair.com)	(24)
		The DC Metro train that derailed yesterday: the good news -- it wasn't faulty tracks or equipment. Bad news: the safety system derailed the train because the driver was going through a red light  (washingtonpost.com)	(86)
(american news)		Obama may use recess appointment option for Becker. Outraged Republicans with selective memories banging pots and pans and throwing feces in 3...2...1  (americasnewsonline.com)	(132)
		High court to decide of "pole tax" strips rights from patrons, leaves adult industry owners naked and exposed of First Amendment rights  (chron.com)	(46)
		Scientists at Cal Berkeley are working on piezoelectric smart-clothes which will generate power through body movement. What super-hero name will you choose?  (sciencedaily.com)	(142)
		Caturday announcement: Editor Ellen Datlow has commissioned authors to write sci-fi/fantasy stories for an anthology entitled Tails of Wonder And Imagination, stories that are all about furred felines  (io9.com)	(79)
		You remember how we told you that vegetarianism and eating tofu was better for the environment? About that  (dailymail.co.uk)	(145)
		Despite four deaths and 86 fires, Peter Garrett insists that his job as Environment Minister is safe. Still no word yet as to where everyone will sleep while the beds are burning  (news.com.au)	(68)
		With Valentine's Day almost here, Vicar urges women parishioners to "be silent" and "submit to your husbands"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(166)

		NH state rep gets down and dirty with same-sex marriage: "We're talking about taking the penis of a man and putting it in the rectum of another man and wriggling it around in excrement."  (wonkette.com)	(343)
		Homeless women in Sacramento to be given stylish new boots, instead of, say, food and shelter  (sacbee.com)	(122)
		Colbert unveils new Olympic banner. Or as Colbert calls it, "THE PINNACLE OF HUMAN ACHIEVEMENT IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF AWESOME"  (ccinsider.comedycentral.com)	(27)
		Cincinnati strippers and bail bondsmen on alert as Pacman Jones works out for the Bengals  (sports.yahoo.com)	(21)
(PopMatters)		Putting aside the music, the history of the Velvet Underground is marked not by innovation or inspiration, but by frustration and disappointment  (popmatters.com)	(47)
(Some Red Liner)		The DC Metro's spotless record tarnished with this morning's train derailment  (wmata.com)	(83)
		Loser laments loss of larcenied LEGO landmarks. Lawmen lookout for leads  (abclocal.go.com)	(59)
		Staff employees in Maricopa County, Arizona have been caught speeding on photo radar cameras more than 1,500 times over the last two years, marking the first time in history a government worker has done something fast    (azcentral.com)	(55)
		Q: What would you say to Hawaiians who say I have governmentally mandated health care and love it. A: They have that?  (thedailyshow.com)	(323)
		You can watch the whole of the new Pixies documentary for free. Right now. Online. That's right, you know you want to  (pastemagazine.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)		Arnold signs executive order to smash server rooms, drive datacenters before him and hear the lamentations of the IT woman  (govtech.com)	(129)
(Some Guy)		Hypervigilant Berkeley recyclers actually costing city money as refuse department posts $4 million budget deficit. "We're a victim of our own success"  (insidebayarea.com)	(116)
		After history has had time to reflect, Frank Thomas will be remembered as the greatest slugger of his generation. The Big Hurt to officially announce retirement Friday morning  (sports.espn.go.com)	(89)
		Patrick Kennedy announces retirement, meaning that 2011 will be the first year since 1947 that no Kennedys are in Congress  (washingtonpost.com)	(102)
(great idea in last paragraphs)		TSA is on high alert for women of mast. reconstruction  (politicsdaily.com)	(108)

		Obama is now fifth all-time on list of longest drought of clemency actions to start a Presidency, trailing only the first two and the last two of his predecessors  (reason.com)	(43)
(Star Bulletin)		They may lack organization, but the Tea Partiers can't just be dismissed out of hand. Their "broad and relentless critique of runaway government is, if anything, more popular than the movement itself."  (starbulletin.com)	(211)
		Moby says he is using "no electronic instruments" on his new album, which means you'll be lulled to sleep by real instruments    (contactmusic.com)	(30)
		Designer Alexander McQueen is found dead in his apartment. He apparently committed suicide after watching one of his own fashion shows  (nytimes.com)	(186)
(Some Guy)		Before the Recession: Credit Counselor, "How may I help you?"; During the Recession: Credit Counselor, "Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed"  (journaltimes.com)	(54)
		USAG: We've tried 300 terrorists in civilian court. GOP/Fox News: [Citation Needed] USAG: Sure, this Bush admin document. Awkward  (npr.org)	(191)
(azdailysun)		In Arizona, the party of small government and personal responsibility says couples aren't capable of deciding for themselves when it's time to divorce  (azdailysun.com)	(111)
		John Mayer apologizes for making comments about his KKKock  (starpulse.com)	(79)
		Not news: Debt collectors repeatedly call, threaten man about unpaid vehicle loan. Not news: He is pressing criminal charges and suing for harassment. Fark: Man never had a loan; the debtor once used him as a "reference"  (consumerist.com)	(73)
		1 out of 5 doctors recommend buying themselves an iPad  (macworld.com)	(105)
		Sen. Tom Coburn on the recent D.C. Snowmaggedon shutdown: "The best thing is we're not passing any legislation, which ultimately will save the government a lot of money,"  (foxnews.com)	(113)
		"Iraq is one of Obama's great achievements." Joe Biden (D-im) is the world's greatest troll  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(182)
		CNN political analyst tells president he should "go gangsta' " on Republicans. That should get the bi-partisanship experiment off to a good start, don't you think?  (cnn.com)	(204)
		Jobless claims fall sharply in the last week on news that 55 inches of snow closes the unemployment office along with everything else  (reuters.com)	(21)
		YouTube to add parental controls. Too bad YouTube won't add literacy controls to the comment sections  (khou.com)	(28)
		Artist makes statement with his sculptWHAT IN SAM HELL'S NAME IS THAT THING??  (aolnews.com)	(107)
		It should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that the gazillions the government spent on Blackwater included such "expenses" as booze and hookers  (washingtonpost.com)	(126)
		Study finds that the wealthy have almost no unemployment, while the poor have almost 30% unemployment  (huffingtonpost.com)	(221)
		Just like three dogs fighting over a tough piece of gristle, three men are vying for Madonna's affection  (thesun.co.uk)	(27)
		Think of three women you work with. One of them watched porn last night and loved it  (news.com.au)	(199)
		My beard is a bird cage. Your argument is invalid  (youtube.com)	(23)

		Customer breaks her tooth on a Godiva chocolate pretzel, demands reparations. Godiva sends her a complimentary box of chocolates. Hey, at least it was something  (consumerist.com)	(38)
		For first time in history of 64-team NCAA tournament, a "power conference" is so pathetic it will only send one team to March Madness  (blogs.mercurynews.com)	(25)
		Evidence suggests the Challenger crew's final moments were more terrifying than initially thought  (msnbc.msn.com)	(522)
		For expensive basements: Multitouch D&D is here  (news.cnet.com)	(71)
(Some Bad Guitarist)		Air Force responds to Jack White's allegations, saying that despite low recruitment, it would never stoop so low as using The White Stripes for anything  (nme.com)	(23)
		Federal Reserve concerned that economic growth maybe be coming back; making preparations to combat this worrisome development. Yes, really  (nytimes.com)	(36)
		The new face of awesomeness is Betty White  (gawker.com)	(71)
(Some Overweight Guy)		Overweight men have higher chance of surviving a car crash. That's how we roll    (annarbor.com)	(69)
		If you guessed a local LASIK provider as the first company to use the Hitler parodies as advertisements, goosestep forward and claim your prize  (youtube.com)	(32)
		The Alberta government would like to assure you that their budget website password is no longer "password"  (edmontonjournal.com)	(69)
		You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see that the IQ of Congress will drop another 80% this fall with the retirement of its only nuclear physicist representative  (congress.blogs.foxnews.com)	(42)
(MLive.com)		Recently reinstated WR Donte Stallworth will get a look from the Detroit Lions. Geez, wasn't a year in jail enough punishment?  (mlive.com)	(42)
		Cheating in homeschool? That's 2 months of imprisonment in a bathroom  (foxnews.com)	(140)
		6 global corporations started by founder's bad luck. No mention of getting drunk for 2 years after being stymied by squirrel with big nuts  (cracked.com)	(14)
		Muppets get the Fark treatment  (youtube.com)	(38)

(Some shower hog)		American "Family" Association claims gays showering with straights creates "hostile work environment" for military. Getting shot at apparently doesn't qualify as "hostile" enough  (afa.net)	(309)
(Some Guy)		Sean Peyton disregarded a "gentlemen's rule" of football, just like those old soldiers who decided not to walk up to the enemy and kindly be shot at  (bleacherreport.com)	(344)
		Study shows older women have higher risk of having autistic children.... because the vaccines multiply over time in the woman's body states Dr. Jennifer McCarthy MD, PhD  (cnn.com)	(198)
(The Daily Beast)		"Thank you for your service, Justice Ginsburg, and good luck in your retirement. But before you go, please join me in welcoming your replacement, Justice Hillary Clinton"  (thedailybeast.com)	(249)
		Bears new offensive coordinator Mike Martz thinks Devin Hester is "stupid good". I think we can all cast our own judgements there  (670thescore.com)	(52)
(NBC Sports)		Nike dropped New Orleans Saints LB Scott Fujita from an endorsement contract he'd had for seven years because they didn't like the way he taped over the swoosh logo  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(53)
		Actual Headline: Home test for sperm count could leave men in a mess  (newscientist.com)	(45)
		"When an officer approached the man, he noticed he was shirtless and wearing women's pants with a hole in the crotch exposing his genitals. The man also was wearing his underwear around his neck"  (azcentral.com)	(90)

(Commentary)		Head of Amnesty International's gender unit: Hey, maybe we shouldn't be providing a megaphone for a jihadi who wants to kill Jews and enslave women. Amnesty International: Hey, maybe we'll stop giving you a paycheck  (commentarymagazine.com)	(140)
		"I do not believe in totally natural for women" says Donatella Versace, who looks like a cross between Iggy Pop and a leather purse left out in the sun    (celebitchy.com)	(51)
		Think Washington is full of people with the class of used car salesmen already? Well don't look now but the Republican Party is recruiting used car salesmen to run for office this year  (online.wsj.com)	(35)
		Tea party candidates line up to take on noted pro big-government, tax and spender Ron Paul  (dallasnews.com)	(149)
		Government employees and former bankers (the only people with any money left) are buying vast quantities luxury goods and cognac. This is good news  (ft.com)	(46)
		A New-Age douchebag beloved by Oprah, Arianna Huffington, and other cementheads who believe quantum theory allows them to create unicorns just by thinking of them, Deepak Chopra is a terrible human being  (americanthinker.com)	(106)
		Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan emerges from his hole and predicts six more years of high unemployment    (thehill.com)	(38)
		Half-naked women protest Ukrainian election. In other news, Ukranian elections are awesome  (news.com.au)	(165)
(Some Guy)		The new Sonic 4 game is actually 14 years old. Duke Nukem unavailable for comment  (gamenewshq.com)	(65)
(Some Gator)		The scandal involved 61 athletes and 6 programs. In all, dozens of wins are stricken from the books and trophies will be returned. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the FSU Criminoles  (gainesville.com)	(48)
		North Dakota, which has the lowest unemployment rate in the nation, has an exploding homeless population as desperate job seekers flood the state. Yes, this actually is a repeat from a Steinbeck novel  (abcnews.go.com)	(140)

		It doesn't seem possible, but someone transcribed "Gentlemen" by Venetian Snares and plays it on live drums. Amazing piece of technical drumming  (youtube.com)	(32)
(Waterloo Courier)		School confiscates student-run school newspaper because of an article questioning treatment of students, saying it "violated student confidentiality" by showing how atheletes got preferential treatment over everyone else  (wcfcourier.com)	(233)
		Never mind the game, it's Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl. "Today's installment features an all-kitten halftime show, not to mention bunny 'cheerleaders' and hamsters flying overhead in a miniature blimp." (3pm Eastern)  (cleveland.com)	(377)
		French President Nicolas Sarkozy has declared the burqa "not welcome" in secular France after two men robbed bank disguised as Muslim women dressed in head to toe traditional religious garb  (abc.net.au)	(483)

		Obama to DNC: 'I am not going to walk away from health insurance reform' In other news, White House newspeak department announces we've always been reforming health insurance, and we've never been reforming health care  (thehill.com)	(160)
		"The global warming movement as we have known it is dead," analyst Walter Russell Mead says . It was done in by a combination of bad science and bad politics. No only does Al Gore have no comment, he's stunned  (theglobeandmail.com)	(342)
		Come for World Net Daily Founder and CEO Joseph Farah comparing the documentary evidence of the birth of Jesus with Obama, stay for his amazing mustache  (mediamatters.org)	(156)
		Law banning false claims of military honors conflicts with constitutional right to lie to women in bars  (capecodonline.com)	(230)
		The face this news anchor makes at the :28 second mark, when it dawns on her that she is live and on the air, is the most awesome face of realization and embarrassment you'll see all day  (youtube.com)	(49)
		"At the beginning of the downturn, the Transportation Department had one person making $170,000 or more a year; now it has 1,690 making that." Enjoy your ramen  (article.nationalreview.com)	(64)
(Air Force Times)		US military orders all bases worldwide to stock morning-after pills so no one can use pregnancy to get out of deployments  (airforcetimes.com)	(104)
		Liberal CNN's Tea Party reportage: "Obama is a socialist." No opposing argument given, no opposing voices sought  (cnn.com)	(141)
		You know who else liked to regularly gulp down young bull semen?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(51)
		The government has your baby's DNA. That's all citizens, move along now  (edition.cnn.com)	(141)
(Lancashire Telegraph)		Homeowners capture creepy dude sneaking into bedrooms and masturbating into womens' panties. Bonus: He's the mayor and judging from the mugshot, mayor of Hydrocephalic City  (lancashiretelegraph.co.uk)	(83)
		Unemployment fell to 8.3 percent as 43,000 jobs were added, the fourth employment gain in six months  (washingtonpost.com)	(85)

		Four minute video charts progress of 5 year old and her family's search for the perfect replacement for the legs she was born without. Somethings in my eye. Tag is for family  (youtube.com)	(17)
		Sheriff Joe Arpaio hands over documents that will prove or disprove he racially profiled people during his controversial crime sweeps. Just kidding. A deputy shredded them all  (azcentral.com)	(215)
(The Daily Swarm)		Blogger pays tribute to rock doc 'Decline of Western Civilization P2: The Metal years': "Some of these folks are hungry in more than just the figurative sense. A few even admit to being so broke that they date women for meals"  (thedailyswarm.com)	(18)
		UN recommends a ban on bluefin tuna exports. Take that, Japan  (abcnews.go.com)	(156)
		Relive the exciting rise of the Palins from small-state First Family to national phenomenon with this searchable database of emails sent or received by "Shadow Governor" Todd Palin between January '07 and September '08  (crivellawest.net)	(63)
(Some Guy)		Police obtained search warrants for the bowel movements of a suspected drug dealer in Weymouth on Monday after he allegedly swallowed 20 bags of heroin and cocaine. Talk about a sh*tty job  (morningsun.net)	(40)
		A domestic violence and anger management counselor gets mad. FARK: And pulls a gun on two men. Bonus: Who turn out to be federal marshals  (myfoxdc.com)	(57)
(Salem News)		Cement mixers can't stop on a dime, but they can stop on a pedestrian  (salemnews.com)	(56)
		Environmental activists would like makers of household cleaners to tell us exactly what's in them. Cleaner industry says we should simply trust them not to put anything harmful in there, and to enjoy the new lemony-carcinogeny scent    (news.yahoo.com)	(70)
		30 Seconds to Mars forced to cancel the premiere of their new documentary after a bomb scare. Apparently, someone realized just how bad the movie was  (contactmusic.com)	(17)
		Global warming has all the elements of a religious faith  (realclearpolitics.com)	(737)
		How Gordon Lightfoot wrote 'If You Could Read My Mind'. "He also wears a girdle-type device around his abdomen."  (thestar.com)	(22)
(TV By The Numbers)		Science Channel reports excellent ratings for first full month of 2010, as science fans increasingly tire of ghosts, UFOs, fishermen, and non-sciency crap on their usual channels  (tvbythenumbers.com)	(97)
(Some Shark Jumper)		Robert Knepper compares "Heroes" to Shakespeare. I'm assuming it's the fishing equipment and not the famous writer, because that would just be...oh. I see. Well, Mr. Knepper, you're a f*cking moron  (digitalspy.com)	(70)

		Mainstream media, obsessed with Bush's inability to say "nuclear," ignores Obama's repeated reference to Navy "corpsemen." Obama orders new phonetic teleprompter (video)  (realclearpolitics.com)	(242)
(Whitehouse.gov)		White House rolls out "Text4Baby" program, which sends free texts to pregnant women with advice and info pertinent to their timeline. Logical, rational news coverage sure to follow  (whitehouse.gov)	(45)
		The one guy standing between us and a "Watchmen Babies" movie has just stepped down  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(81)
(Red State)		Maybe the system could work at the Department of Homeland Security if it focused on terrorists and not the "national threats" of fossil fuels and climate change  (redstate.com)	(98)
		No, Obama is not going to do any more British parliament-style open question forums for congressmen, because it makes too much sense and is too informative to the American public, and they're not ready for that  (huffingtonpost.com)	(88)
		Please stay healthy, Justice Kennedy: Supreme Court justices John Paul Stevens and Ruth Bader Ginsburg may step down soon to let Obama appoint their liberal replacements  (abcnews.go.com)	(150)
		Everything you could ever want to know about time travel, at least until Dr Dan Streetmentioner finally publishes his handbook  (discovermagazine.com)	(75)
		Men At Work lose plagiarism case in Australia, which would mean they obviously didn't work hard enough  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(41)
		Lender forecloses on a massive homeless shelter. Now, more than 700 homeless men are, .... more ...homeless (?)  (ajc.com)	(95)
		Palin's war on retarded comments continues  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(192)
		Two-thirds of British people believe that the leader of the BNP is a fat cartoon character of a man prone to making ridiculously stupid statements. The rest of them believe he's Peter Griffin  (telegraph.co.uk)	(18)
		Remember that clip of The Big Bang Theory without the laugh track and it was really weird and unfunny? Well, here's the opposite- Arrested Development WITH a laugh track, which is also weird and unfunny  (tv.gawker.com)	(97)
		Riding the momentum of Saturday's drubbing of Duke, #7 Georgetown... loses at home to South Florida  (washingtonpost.com)	(13)
		Four women avoid jail in penis-glue plot. Heheheheh. Penis glue. Penis glue. Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeenis glue  (nypost.com)	(197)

(Seattle Weakly)		Today's you-can't-make-this-up made for Fark story "Gay, Mentally Challenged Bi-Racial Male Cheerleader Claims Discrimination" (with bonus vid)  (blogs.seattleweekly.com)	(187)
		Merging galaxies create a binary quasar (w/ video simulation awesomeness)  (physorg.com)	(37)
		Small states with homogenous populations and strong traditions of local government can sometimes do without sales taxes. Which is news to no one except Joe Scarborough, who apparently never took a basic economics class  (newsbusters.org)	(114)
		Your sex reassignment surgery is tax deductible. Your Asian moths and night vision goggles, not so much  (news.yahoo.com)	(200)
		The first rule about having a fight club in elementary school is that you don't tell your dad that your 4th grade teacher set it up  (foxnews.com)	(33)
		Keith Olbermann's ratings are sinking, and it's because women find him creepy: "Never married, he is a 51-year-old eggplant of a man whose dates begin and end with the first"  (americanthinker.com)	(370)
		Just because you have a t-shirt that says "US Marshal" and a Fu Manchu mustache doesn't mean you can go around deporting people. Oh, and take off your fake badge and gun when you go to the police department for questioning  (pe.com)	(71)
		"The hatred of Obama is not about him. It's about them. It's about their resentment of a man who has integrated his own identity and made a place for himself in a pluralist world."  (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)	(193)
		If you are the police department and can't lower the crime rate, there's a simple solution: record felonies as misdemeanors and refuse to take complaints from victims. Problem solved  (nydailynews.com)	(65)
		Mahmoud Ahmadinejad boasts that terrorists can expect a warm welcome once captured, with no harsh questioning and with the full menu of defendant rights and trial privileges  (washingtontimes.com)	(181)
		President Obama fulfills promise to eliminate corporate cronyism in federal government. Just kidding, his weatherization chief has been giving handouts to her business exec husband's tiny window company  (townhall.com)	(58)
(The Trumpet)		America has reached a fork in the road: Raise interest rates to attract foreign investment and keep the economy afloat, expanding the abyss of debt. Either that, or kill the Dollar to pay the bills. Choose one. The time has come  (thetrumpet.com)	(132)

		Judge orders lawyer to receive same settlement terms as customers, a $10 dollar gift certificate. Good thing he retired  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(112)
		Boston Legal star Justin Mentell dies at 27. It's a Jeep thing  (mtv.com)	(108)
		The official Modern Warfare 2 music video is almost better than the game. Okay, that's an asinine statement but it's still pretty damn good  (youtube.com)	(108)
		Hubble spots asteroids getting rocks off in space. Bruce Willis unavailable for comment  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(35)
		Over 20 years ago, the groundbreaking anime Akira shattered box office records and arguably saved Japanese cinema. And here is a six-second argument for why it still holds up  (youtube.com)	(204)
		Film studio blames economy, piracy for financial troubles. Reasons not mentioned: Big Mama's House 7, Larry The Cable Guy III, Temptation Island: The Movie, and The Bucket List  (news.cnet.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		Unemployment highest in 20 years just after we raised the minimum wage rates. Hmm  (dol.gov)	(253)
		Are kosher and halal meats better for the environment? Nope. But the animals die in much more pain and agony, so they have that going for them, if you're into that  (slate.com)	(253)
		Today's GOP filibuster: the Solicitor General at the Department of Labor  (huffingtonpost.com)	(178)
		"Avatar 2" details emerge. Still no word yet on Gargamel's involvement  (denofgeek.com)	(66)
		US President to respond to questions posed by the educated and literate commentators of Youtube  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(180)
		Parrot receives government job after trying to mate with a TV host's head. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk)	(36)
		Haitian voodoo high priest claims all of the earthquake aid is going to Christians, leaving none for his believers. Pat Robertson has no comment  (telegraph.co.uk)	(76)
		You must now publish your full name and postcode when commenting online about stupid South Australian election full of bullshiat artists. -- Mark Hardon, 5001  (news.com.au)	(129)

		This flock of bird is a bird. Your argument is invalid (with pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(87)
		Greyhound security guard kicks stranded grandmother out into the cold when she talks to reporters about the company's poor treatment of customers. That'll learn her  (wmctv.com)	(135)
		New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees may have all day to throw passes as Indianapolis Colts DE Dwight Freeney has a torn ligament in his ankle and may miss the Super Bowl  (sports.yahoo.com)	(130)
		In the understatement of the decade, Cindy Crawford is "holding together pretty good"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(77)
		Steven Tyler to sue Aerosmith if they even plan an audition for a different pair of lips: "Can you imagine the manager of the Rolling Stones calling for the replacement of Mick Jagger? Steven is Aerosmith"  (rollingstone.com)	(38)
		From the Fox News mindbleach department: Roger Ailes says he would have posed nude like Scott Brown  (dailykos.com)	(65)
		Exxon's profit drops by 23%, but before you send them government cheese, keep in mind they still made more money than the GDP of one-third of the world's countries. In one quarter  (online.wsj.com)	(71)
		Since their own government is as effective as herbal Viagra purchased online, Haitians want the US to take over their country  (washingtonpost.com)	(339)
		Kristen Bell is engaged to Dax Shepard. Commence weeping to the right  (contactmusic.com)	(89)
		Spanish disco begins offering free vibrators to persuade women to come for the night  (theregister.co.uk)	(73)
		Man goes unconscious and crashes truck, blames food from Wendy's. Zombie Dave Thomas unavailable for comment  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(40)
		Photoshop these balloon men  (inapcache.boston.com)	(32)
(Soviet Canuckistan)		"...one cannot look through the list of President Obama's strange and demented policy czars without spotting so many Holden Caulfields, nor escape their ever-presence among the talking heads of MSNBC..."  (ottawacitizen.com)	(114)

		"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof*" *offer only applies to monotheists in CA  (stltoday.com)	(198)
		Long Island makes a bid for its own tag as residents flee in terror from wild packs of... beagles? Snoopy unavailable for comment  (nypost.com)	(108)
		The fifteen worst TV spinoffs of all time. Yes, no matter what you think, "The Lone Gunmen" and "Joey" were mistakes  (ew.com)	(135)
		A Montana family responds to criticism and harassement for flying their American flag upside down to indicate our country is in a "state of emergency."  (billingsgazette.com)	(178)
		Geek who tore apart "Phantom Menace" for 70 mins retaliates with "Avatar" review, before getting ready to disembowel "Attack of the Clones"  (youtube.com)	(194)
		The WTF video of the day. A band named Stump singing about and to over half the women in America  (youtube.com)	(21)

		TSA launches internal investgation over assignment board with "Jeopardy" categories such as "our gang" (meaning African Americans), "pickle smokers" (gays). No word on who was assigned The Rapists or Anal Bum Covers  (cnn.com)	(132)
		Women's Studies programs removed from Canadian universities: "These courses has done untold damage to families, our court systems, labour laws, constitutional freedoms and even the ordinary relations between men and women"  (nationalpost.com)	(399)
		'How Bad For The Environment Can Throwing Away One Plastic Bottle Be?' 30 Million People Wonder  (theonion.com)	(44)
		Overweight? Don't bother exercising or dieting, since it's all part of a British government conspiracy: "The endless message of 'eat less, do more' has never been proven using proper clinical trials"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(124)
		You too can plead mental illness when faced with $31 million in embezzlement charges  (jsonline.com)	(45)
		Pastor pulls a gun on his son and "threatened to kill him, his wife and family" because they don't attend church enough. Amen  (breitbart.com)	(95)
(Some Hulu Guy)		NFL signs agreement with Hulu to air NFL Network, HBO's "Hard Knocks," and classic NFL Films programming online. Better than sex, not quite as good as the Super Bowl  (tvbythenumbers.com)	(32)
(Some Pilgrim)		John Wayne's Alamo Village for sale. Included in the offer is a free bicycle found in the basement  (thealamovillage.homestead.com)	(58)
		Having closed Guantanamo, convinced Congress to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell, and persuaded Iran to drop its nuclear program, Obama plans to get Justice Department to investigate the BCS  (seattlepi.com)	(54)
		"Why do people often vote against their own interests?" Democrat African-Americans and gay Republicans unavailable for comment  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(118)
		Government wants to make sure young students are taught about all faiths, including the ones where plants have souls and the dead must be eaten by vultures  (dailymail.co.uk)	(56)

		Aerosmith to audition Billy Idol as replacement for Steven Tyler  (contactmusic.com)	(36)
		If we hadn't bailed out Wall Street, unemployment could've reached "OMG WTF" instead of the " :( " it currently stands at  (cbsnews.com)	(128)
		Alice In Chains eschews reality-show, YouTube, or audition routes to find replacement lead singer for new album, simply chooses friend of the band who can sing  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(16)
		Women: Your biological clock is ticking much faster than you thought. Scientists say 90% of a woman's eggs are gone by age 30  (abcnews.go.com)	(218)
		Police find $1,000,000 in car's secret compartment. The money smelled of marijuana so naturally they confiscated all $200,000 of it  (msnbc.msn.com)	(146)
		Hayden Panettiere is now a redhead, and has admitted to being drawn to older men. Just in case any Farkers find this relevant to their interests  (stuff.co.nz)	(192)
(Some Guy)		Your 'Awwww' moment of the day brought to you by two ugly-ass baby platypii  (dailysquee.com)	(56)
(Some Dumb Guy)		OK, kids, let daddy get some sleep in the play area at McDonalds. If the policemen come, just bite them, OK?  (wkyc.com)	(17)
		What happens when every member of the university orchestra is given four weeks to learn a new instrument and play Canon in D for a charity concert? Try sitting through an earthquake in a china store  (youtube.com)	(44)

		Company mistakenly delivers 75 gallons of heating oil to house where family converted to natural gas a year ago. It's all fun, until the oil hits the basement  (1010wins.com)	(124)
(Some Guy)		"I am weary of the President's unspoken premise that only government--indeed, only the federal government--can accomplish good in our society."  (lp.org)	(245)
		George Soros throws a monkey wrench into the Glenn Beck investment strategy: "Gold is now the ultimate bubble."  (telegraph.co.uk)	(217)
		Reclusive author J.D. Salinger dead at 91. As usual, he was unavailable for comment    (wcbstv.com)	(662)
(Ladder 21)		How many times must the fire department respond to you house fire before the home is totally engulfed in flames? Apparently the answer is three  (firehouse.com)	(112)
		...the prophet, whose name was Screven, uttered to them this oracle: "lo from the topmost roof to the pavement Sun Cloud trickles, forecasting the dire unavoidable evil. Forth with you from the shrine, and steep your soul in Java"  (sfgate.com)	(64)
		Supreme Court Justice Alito's "You Lie" moment during the SOTU (w/ video)  (politico.com)	(681)
		The truth behind the Scorpions' retirement comes out: Their manager said it was "time to stop rocking." Come on, they had years left in them. YEARS I SAY  (contactmusic.com)	(22)

(Some Fat Cat)		In the saddest story of the recession yet, the price on Ken Lay's luxury Houston apartment is down to $11.9M (w/ pics)  (swamplot.com)	(38)
		Favorite rock stars, photoshopped into their "Avatar" alter egos. Bono still looks pompous but for Lady gaga, it's actually an improvement  (rollingstone.com)	(60)
		Surely to climax into a sticky situation, Siemens to reject new orders from Iran  (reuters.com)	(24)
		US military is engaged in highly secret joint operations against Al Qaeda in Yemen. So don't tell anybody  (washingtonpost.com)	(125)
		Protip: If you are the #1 men's basketball team in the land, screen calls from Obama  (sports.espn.go.com)	(37)
		Canadian government upset that police hired neutral polling company to analyse gun owners' opinions of gun registry, instead of smashing down doors and asking themselves  (calgaryherald.com)	(179)
		UK government demands more information from the UK government  (theregister.co.uk)	(9)
		The latest thing for upscale women with more money than sense: Doing yoga, then having "a multicourse dinner of pasta, red wine and chocolate"  (nytimes.com)	(134)
		Man arrested after trying to crawl through the ceiling to spy on the dancers' dressing room at a strip club. What was he hoping to see, women with their clothes on?  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(107)
		GM's Saab story has a happy ending with $400M sale to Spyker. Saab: Born from jets, saved by..government backing?  (money.cnn.com)	(38)
		Poll shows Scott Brown tied with Obama in a 2012 presidential contest. An unknown state legislator with no experience or accomplishments who spends a couple years in the Senate before running for president? Ridiculous, couldn't happen  (bostonherald.com)	(238)

		"Men don't cheat because their wives are ugly", they cheat because wives don't put out  (cnn.com)	(472)
(Some Guy)		Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women, named official T-Shirt of NH economic development... Wait what?  (wmur.com)	(131)
		If a nutty activist can't inflate a giant pink pig outside a school board meeting, the First Amendment has no meaning. With pic of pig and its owner  (pennlive.com)	(44)
		On average, consumers spent $811 on Christmas gifts, more than the $699 they said they would spend, according to Department of Randomly Manufactured Statistics  (chicagotribune.com)	(12)
		Gossip columnist Cindy Adams pens massively epic rant against celebrity entitlement: "They want. They have everything. They still want. They want more of whatever's inaccessible to anyone else"  (nypost.com)	(57)
(Some Guy)		Humanity's hackers: the do-it-yourself biology movement  (hplusmagazine.com)	(99)
(Some 9 Iron)		Mystery Solved: It was Elin in the bedroom with a cell phone. Colonel Mustard too busted to comment  (thedailybeast.com)	(24)

		Reporting from the scene of a 'miracle' basketball shot, Reporter lands no-look, half-court shot of his own. Someone get these men to a casino ASAP  (fox4kc.com)	(46)
		"If corporations are persons, they are - if they behave as Milton Friedman wanted them to - persons with mental and emotional impairments so severe that any decent judge would feel entirely justified in declaring them incompetent."  (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(178)
		Add to the list of those opposing Ben Bernanke's reappointment: John McCain (yawn) and Move On (what?)  (politico.com)	(30)
		Which Carolina is the best Carolina? According to the week 11 men's college basketball AP rankings, it's Coastal  (sports.espn.go.com)	(39)
		Fire department under scrutiny for their desire to buy a $34,000 speedboat. Come on, the water-locked island of Omaha needs this  (omaha.com)	(67)
		Armed gunmen steal 150 ferrets. The cops otter catch those weasels  (abcnews.go.com)	(71)
		Australian government officials are worried that the latest method of cane toad extermination--suffocating them in bags filled with CO2--may cause suffering, so they order exterminators to go back to clubbing them with sticks for now  (abcnews.go.com)	(65)
		Australian Navy announces it has only one working submarine left in its fleet, asks you don't mention this to China and Indonesia  (theaustralian.com.au)	(106)
		As it turns out, $5.4 Billion WAS way the hell too much money to pay for two apartment buildings-even in Manhattan  (news.yahoo.com)	(134)
		You know who else stole a late-night show from their replacement?  (online.wsj.com)	(81)
(The Frisky)		77-year-old man has a date with Lindsay Lohan. Apparently he wants to start dating women who look his age  (thefrisky.com)	(19)
		U.S. government considers adding historic Manhattan Project sites such as Hanford, Los Alamos, and Oak Ridge to national park system. Critics say idea is sure to bomb  (seattlepi.com)	(73)
		Governments should prepare for the worst if aliens visit Earth because beings from outer space are likely to be just like humans, says leading scientist  (guardian.co.uk)	(236)

		Mendocino County sheriff using imaging software to show kids what their faces would look like on meth, unintentionally transforms NPR host from "dork" to "awesome badass"  (npr.org)	(141)
		Playboy's Miss April 1989, 40, found dead in her mobile home. Another black eye for the Playmate Retirement Plan  (blog.cleveland.com)	(188)
		Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu, whose name apparently means "not helping" in Hebrew, claims an illegal Israeli settlement on the West Bank is now "an inseparable part of the state of Israel for eternity"  (news.yahoo.com)	(314)
		Study lists unfair credit card companies. Originally submitted the list of fair credit card companies, but the editor refused to publish a blank document  (news.smh.com.au)	(119)
		Cold-blooded killer is icing snowmen in England  (examiner.com)	(36)
(Some Farkette)		Photoshop these colorful gentlemen  (touristmaker.com)	(47)
(mashtrends)		"Oral sex is the new goodnight kiss," according to teenagers who lie and documentary makers who like to scare parents  (mashtrends.com)	(640)
		Tea sales rise in Britain for first time in four decades, driven by young women rejecting expensive American chain-coffee and returning to comfort of the traditional cuppa  (news.scotsman.com)	(121)
		Obama sticks it to Glenn Beck's congregation by redistributing 10% of their gold investment. That's the only way you could lose money on something that never loses its value  (cnbc.com)	(338)

		The only video you'll ever see of Dan "The Automator" Nakamura and some Brazilian violist busting out a Stevie Wonder instrumental in some dude's office  (youtube.com)	(20)
(Money Times)		Blueberry juice could help ward off dementia, according to study by Pricipal Caught Sayof  (themoneytimes.com)	(29)
(The State)		South Carolina Lt. Gov Andre Bauer compares public assistance payments to feeding a stray animal. "You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce"  (thestate.com)	(287)
		Australia opens its first video-game nightclub. Reports say it's packed with men, your space is invaded, and it will create a battle zone with all the tempest there  (news.com.au)	(57)
(Mich News)		"It's more than a little ironic that Democrats praised Dred Scott when it was handed down over a hundred years ago, yet now stand opposed to fundamental freedoms such as free speech today."  (michnews.com)	(294)
(Big Government)		Colorado places a tax on one of its taxes. One guess which party controls the government there  (biggovernment.com)	(83)

		Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, your offical discussion thread for the final episode of "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien". LGT Gawker recap  (tv.gawker.com)	(799)
		"Darwin's theory of evolution does not preclude the possibility of religious faith, except for atheists or fundamentalists." Or FARKers  (sfgate.com)	(401)
		Happy News: Michigan unemployment creeps below15%, according to Department of Eeyore, Sad Trombone, and Debbie Downer  (abcnews.go.com)	(158)
(KCFreePress.com)		Real men don't eat tapas  (kcfreepress.com)	(225)
		"Men can communicate their testosterone levels through the way they dance." And the way they beat up other men who make fun of their dancing  (spiegel.de)	(77)
		The Tea-party movement has turned its grass-roots rage on an inside Washington, Fat-cats only, event where polticians will pocket $100,000 speaking fees, and the cheapest ticket is $500. Unfortunately it's their own party convention  (news.yahoo.com)	(295)
		How Fark is just like the Napoleonic Royal Navy: Hundreds of men and boys struggling to breathe rank air, subsisting on beef, pork, and gallons of beer  (dailymail.co.uk)	(98)
		I like my women like I like my coffee. Covered in synthetic pollenating insects  (wired.co.uk)	(47)
		Colbert challenges speed skater Shani Davis to a race for the last slot on the US Olympic team. And kicks his ass (in the racing outfit department, at least)  (colbertnation.com)	(69)
		You're setting up a network for a county government. Which OS do you choose: a) Windows, b) Mac, or c) Cogsdale?  (wtsp.com)	(247)
		Unemployed British woman sets world record by collecting 12,113 different Pokemon items. She plans to celebrate the achievement with the boyfriend she clearly doesn't have  (breitbart.com)	(92)
		Two men forget the two cardinal rules for making meth: don't do it near a school, and make sure you don't blow up half your house  (qctimes.com)	(29)

		Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you "The Wilhelm Scream Compilation". If you're not laughing so hard your face hurts by about 1/2 way through, you're dead inside  (youtube.com)	(56)
(Teddy Williams)		'Mad Men' with Massholes. NSFW language  (dailyrandom.com)	(11)
(Citizen.org)		Liberal advocacy group Public Citizen reacts to today's Supreme Court decision by calling for a constitutional amendment and public financing of elections and groups that whine and stamp their feet enough  (citizen.org)	(250)
		Cartoon Network orders 40 more episodes of the clucking funny Robot Chicken. Yes, this is proof that it's okay for grown men to play with toys  (variety.com)	(154)
		After recently seeing Sam Jackson documentary, Feds move to keep snakes off planes  (abcnews.go.com)	(36)
		Chan Gailey's first priority with the Bills is finding a QB. Then linemen. Then 2 WRs, FB, RB, TE. Then D. Then LS, PK, P, KR, PR  (sports.espn.go.com)	(34)
		Swedish students occupy brewery as part of a series of demonstrations aimed at convincing management to build a beer pipeline to their university  (thelocal.se)	(37)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this dental appointment  (bigpicture.ru)	(55)

		Gene Hackman quit acting six years ago. "Even now, the fact that one of our most accomplished actors hasn't appeared in a film since 2004, and has said he won't be doing any more, has barely gotten a mention"  (newsweek.com)	(119)
		After Brown win, MSM decides it might be worth doing more to understand the Tea Party movement than just reading the most recent DNC press release  (weeklystandard.com)	(271)
		Plants use quantum entanglement in photosynthesis, which will help scientists harness solar energy  (scientificamerican.com)	(51)
		Bill O'Reilly misses the good old days when you could freely make fun of ethnic minorities, and sexual harrassment wasn't grounds for a lawsuit  (thinkprogress.org)	(97)
		Now that the credit markets have begun to thaw out, the US Government is sitting on billions of dollars in profit from the AIG bailout  (ft.com)	(171)
		First shipment of "highly radioactive waste" leaving UK bound for Japan. The Japanese deny any allegations that it will be used in experiments on Monster Island  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(36)
		"World aid agencies appeal to Israel to unlock Gaza" food and medicine achievement  (washingtonpost.com)	(231)
		Doctor-recommended diet: eat a stick of butter, kid, it'll make you feel better  (wcco.com)	(63)
		Britain considers ban on dental equipment  (news.yahoo.com)	(48)

(wpix.com)		Mutated human washes up near government disease research center. Senator Kelly unavailable for comment  (wpix.com)	(92)
		What do Pavement, Vampire Weekend, Tiësto, Faith No More, Deadmau5, David Guetta, MGMT, Jay-Z, Muse and Gorillaz have in common? If you answered "I wish they'd play Coachella in 2010", you're about to be very happy  (content.usatoday.com)	(78)
(Some Guy)		New broadband stimulus requirements ask cities only to show how much porn they need  (govtech.com)	(81)
		Creationists making monkeys of themselves in yet another state. Comments go apeshiate in 3 MISSISSIPPI... 2 MISSISSIPPI... 1 MISSISSIPPI  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(270)
		Proctologist ordered to pay compensation for "incomplete treatment"; patient's condition eventually rectified  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)	(41)
		"Are the Chargers ever going to be men enough to sit at the same table with the grown-ups, or are they going to be brats, doing childish, stupid things?"  (signonsandiego.com)	(79)
		Six logical fallacies that cost you money every day. List would have been 1,000,006 logical fallacies that cost you money every day, but authors opted not to mention Congress  (cracked.com)	(339)
		Launch of Google's phone in China postponed after Chinese government makes prank phone calls to human rights activists  (torontosun.com)	(20)
		While Philadelphia Eagles management mulls over which QB to keep and which to dump, it appears the players have already made their decision  (ca.sports.yahoo.com)	(99)
		When you come to an intersection, right of way always goes to the two masked men carrying guns at 4 o'clock in the afternoon  (myfoxdc.com)	(37)
(Providence Journal)		How State Unemployment Works 101: Or, In This Case, Doesn't  (projo.com)	(19)
		MIT graduate goes on trial today for trying to shoot some guys who flew to Pakistan to ask her why she wasn't illiterate like all the other women there  (boston.com)	(121)
(Some Guy)		More and more couples are seeking therapy because one of them is going green. "The danger arises when one partner undergoes an environmental 'waking up' process way before the other, leaving a new values gap between them"  (mnn.com)	(322)
		Unbeaten Texas men's basketball team knocked off by a Kansas university, no not that one, the other one  (scores.espn.go.com)	(73)

		Scientists may have figured out how human hands became nimble enough to make and manipulate tools, masturbate furiously  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(114)
		Pete Wentz proves he's the lesser of two douches after apologizing for comments he made about Perez Hilton  (contactmusic.com)	(20)
		NJ passes law requiring chain restaurants to put calories counts on menus. Including for that double mango margarita explosion you've been sucking down, rummy  (nj.com)	(126)
		"Welcome to one more installment in Washington's year-long crusade to revive private business by assailing and soaking it."  (online.wsj.com)	(132)
		Cleveland Orchestra strikes over contract, payment issues. Cleveland residents wonder what the hell an orchestra is  (abcnews.go.com)	(36)
		Piñera wins Chilean presidency, promises smaller government and delicious pastries/coffee  (ft.com)	(35)

		Guy explains to police that's he's no burglar; his thieving equipment is because he's like Batman and the empty house is his batcave  (nwfdailynews.com)	(51)
		Air New Zealand criticized for multimedia "cougar campaign" in which images of desperate Auckland older women chasing helpless young men to mate with are used to sell discount airline seats  (stuff.co.nz)	(67)
(The Electric New Paper)		Asian nightspot stirs controversy by giving away free drinks to women based on bust size, from a beer for an A-Cup to a vodka bottle for a D-Cup  (tnp.sg)	(174)
		Johnson & Johnson, fresh from recalling half their products for smelling like ass, is under indictment for racketeering. Sorry, a Band-Aid won't fix all that  (washingtonpost.com)	(22)
		Retired teacher with 2-year old given second IVF treatment. "I'm still so full of life and healthy at 60 I don't see any reason why I shouldn't be treated"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(83)
		The 1991 swimsuit spread in X-Men #1 was the beginning of the end for the mutant franchise. Yes, but you can't deny that seeing Psylocke and Rogue in swimsuits wasn't a stirring idea  (io9.com)	(112)
(Some Nanny State)		Manitoba government tells teachers they can no longer penalize students for turning work in late. Good thing there are no such things as deadlines in the real world  (leaderpost.com)	(116)

		The future will offer better employment possibilities. I call captain of the Enterprise. The good one, the Enterprise-E, not the other crappy ones  (io9.com)	(132)
		Please take a molement to read the DailyKos Saturday hate mail bag  (dailykos.com)	(90)
		Not News: Sex offender gets 5 years for probation violation. FARK: according to the comments and some of the rest of the internet, he posted some heartwarming YouTube videos, and should be free based on their merit  (wftv.com)	(204)
(Some Guy)		"The story tumbled down Internet rabbit holes I didn't know existed, such as Fark.com. As the comments piled up, I became afraid to answer the phone, open the mailbox"  (www2.macleans.ca)	(529)
(Some Guy)		New findings about smoking. From Professor N.S. Sherlock, Department of Duh, at the University of No Kidding  (sciencecentric.com)	(20)
		Article explores why men use prostitutes. Subby always thought it was for sex  (guardian.co.uk)	(170)
(NYMag)		"You couldn't get a better compliment as a director." - Oliver Hirschbiegel, director of "Downfall", on YouTube Hitler meme  (nymag.com)	(83)
		What's on the iPod of the world's most evil men? While Osama is into B-52s and Whitney Houston and Kim Jong-Il is more of a Clapton fan, Colonel Gaddafi reveals that, like camels and couscous, Lionel Richie is huge in Libya  (guardian.co.uk)	(13)
		Old and busted: Getting tattoos and piercings to rebel against your parent. New hotness: Sticking it to the old man with a Facebook movement  (nytimes.com)	(72)
		The most pathetic internet argument techniques ever. It's not news, it's the Fark politics tab  (cracked.com)	(228)
		Once again: If you're claiming to be wheelchair-bound for disability purposes, don't go out dancing with a bunny mascot at local amusement park  (upi.com)	(33)

(Some Guy)		Photoshop this strange stringed instrument  (i45.tinypic.com)	(55)
(Psychological Science)		Men can smell them in her box. Men can smell them in her socks. Men can smell them in her blouse. Men can smell them in her house. Men can smell girl's eggs, yes, ma'am. Men can smell them, Sam-I-Am    (psychologicalscience.org)	(62)
		Rather than working on attempting to locate or capture him, the government would like you to look at these two pictures of how Bin Laden MAY look today. With pic of what could be any middle aged Muslim male  (huffingtonpost.com)	(63)
		Police solve case of wedding crasher who stole expensive camera equipment, memory card, meatloaf  (wesh.com)	(45)
(Some Guy)		Not News: residents complain of ailments cause by radiation from new cell tower. Fark: turns out the tower isn't even on  (mybroadband.co.za)	(66)
		Not News: Police called after three men rob a CVS drugstore. News: After fleeing police, all three men killed in wrong-way crash on interstate. Fark: the men were in their 50s and stealing Axe grooming products  (freep.com)	(83)
		Canadian company to auction off 150-year-old hockey stick, a memento of the era when hockey was last popular  (upi.com)	(92)
		Former St. Louis Cardinal great Jack Clark: "All those guys are cheaters -- A-Rod. Fake, phony. Rafael Palmeiro. Fake, a phony. Clemens, Bonds, Sosa. Fakes. Phonies. They're all creeps. All these guys have been liars"  (sports.espn.go.com)	(52)
		Big-screen porn is detrimental to traffic flow  (abcnews.go.com)	(50)
		Germans need to clean up their toxic Asse dump according to their environment minister, Cartman's Mom  (thelocal.de)	(22)
		Google to its China employees, "Thanks to your government you may soon be unemployed. So here is a free pass to see Avatar."  (news.yahoo.com)	(62)
		The Killers make self-important statement about needing a break. I mean really, get off their backs fan  (webn.com)	(19)
		Nanny state demands TV show re-animates their opening sequence because a cartoon pig was noticed driving without a seat belt. Speed Racer unavailable for comment  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(32)
		"If you think that the Nebraska deal was unpopular, just wait until the administration announces higher taxes on everyone but its friends in the labor movement."  (meganmcardle.theatlantic.com)	(268)
		This Photoshop theme challenge is to take famous sci-fi heroes out of their element, and to drop them into another franchise. LGT inspiration  (io9.com)	(175)
		The first Mr. Gay China competition will be held in Beijing this week and a lot of the men will be Hung  (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(104)
		The top seven classic movie moments you didn't know were improv  (spike.com)	(522)
(Some Guy)		You can be a DJ at this year's Coachella Festival as long as you find twelve friends willing to ride bikes and see-saws, turn hand cranks, and run on hamster wheels to power the equipment  (mnn.com)	(19)
(Some Finn)		Giant penis set to appear on streets of Helsinki next week. "The 2.5-metre male member may be familiar to some from August last year when it followed women around Senate Square." Penis  (hs.fi)	(32)

		There are no Ugg boots at Judgment Day  (sfgate.com)	(123)
		Legendary New Orleans composer Allen Toussaint is 72, so here's the finest piano instrumental version of "I'll Be There" you are ever going to hear  (youtube.com)	(18)
		Famed conservative economist displays his mental gymnastics while explaining that America never suffered through a housing bubble or irrational investing behavior. Even the Chinese judge gives him a 10 (at 3% interest)    (newyorker.com)	(71)
		Globally, auto companies make 30 million more cars than demand requires, in part because while American companies can close plants, European firms are paid by the government not to  (finance.yahoo.com)	(27)
		GOP Massachusetts Senate candidate Scott Brown on the Tea Party movement: "Never heard of them." Awkward  (boston.com)	(195)
		"King of all Witches" announces plan to stand for election to British parliament. Expected to score highly amongst the "weighs as much as a duck" demographic  (telegraph.co.uk)	(36)
		ValleyWag is offering bounties of $10K and up for photos of Apple's upcoming iTablet. With that kind of money, you might be able to buy one for yourself - or pay toward your settlement with Apple Legal  (valleywag.gawker.com)	(22)
		On Thursday, Dr. Ruth will be sworn in as the city's honorary secretary of the "Department of Love and Relationships."...yeah, 'cause when you think romance, you think DC    (wtop.com)	(32)
		Keyboard commandos living in their mother's basement were able to scrounge up $1 billion for copies of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Condom sales among the demographic, uneffected  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(190)
		Pregnant women can boost the intelligence of their babies by eating bacon and eggs. Oh bacon, is there ANYTHING you can't do?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(68)

		Winner of the 2009 Brett Favre Retirement Award goes to Junior Seau  (670thescore.stats.com)	(18)
		You know how Google (and pretty much everyone) provides information to US law enforcement? Yeah, that's what the Chinese hacked  (arstechnica.com)	(169)
		New research suggests that men are evolving faster than women; experts predict the ability to pick up one's own underwear off the floor should develop by the year 2025  (news.yahoo.com)	(148)
(Some Guy)		After talking with Google, US State Department demands an explanation from China. China demands a sammich from Hillary  (state.gov)	(181)
		Texas school board redefining history curriculum "He'll also ask the board to reconsider mentioning makeup entrepreneur Mary Kay Ash more often than Christopher Columbus in the curriculum standard." Wait....what?  (foxnews.com)	(165)
		Scientists say that "safe" cocaine use still leads to tragic consequences, such as death, permanent impairment, and Mrs. Doubtfire  (news.yahoo.com)	(121)
		NYC man invents way to finally win an argument with your wife. Turn around and take a running leap off a 16th floor balcony  (nypost.com)	(116)
		In response to Google's threats of pulling out of China. The Chinese Government has blocked Wired.com. That'll learn em'  (wired.com)	(53)
		3 out of 4 people doing Federal Government work are actually private contractors, who are on facebook, twitter, and Fark for 6 out of the 8 hours of their workday  (huffingtonpost.com)	(123)
		Wall Street executives commenting on the 2008 financial crisis. We underestimated ....oops our bad  (hosted.ap.org)	(66)
		Al Qaeda #2 in Yemen leader is dead. Long live #2  (cnn.com)	(89)
		Sex party held by three elderly men ends with one shot in the head. Next time, just make lemonade  (gawker.com)	(96)
		Telling your boss what you think of them has been deemed good for your health. Especially if it's a long walk to the unemployment office  (telegraph.co.uk)	(14)
		On my left (link), to my right (comments), this is "My Paradise" by the Outfield. Not only is hearing a lost power-pop classic its own reward, but they threw in a hot brunette for our viewing pleasure  (youtube.com)	(53)
		Magician David Copperfield cleared in rape investigation. Now you semen, now you don't    (ajc.com)	(27)

		Paul Krugman points out that Europe has far higher taxes and unemployment than the US, which proves that social democracy in Europe works. Wait, what?  (nytimes.com)	(415)
		"Glee" debuts in the UK to good ratings and reviews, which is to be expected in a country of effeminate girly-men  (variety.com)	(63)
		Conan O'Brien releases statement saying he will not take any lip from Leno's chin    (mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com)	(865)
(Some Guy)		"(N)ot only unique but superior," that its citizens are "a chosen people, divinely ordained to lead the world to betterment... " Nazi Germany? Imperial Japan? No, try Texas  (texastribune.org)	(142)
(FOX Detroit)		Four more men freak out upon realizing they plane they're on left Amsterdam and landed in Detroit  (myfoxdetroit.com)	(202)
(Windy City Gridiron)		The Bears may hire Jim Zorn as offensive coordinator, even though he couldn't coordinate the re-enactment of Pearl Harbor by the Batley Townswomen's Guild  (windycitygridiron.com)	(38)
(Chronicle of Higher Ed)		Admitting you don't recycle is like saying you want to boff Satan on a stack of burning Bibles: Environmentalism is the new secular religion  (chronicle.com)	(314)
(Springfield News-Leader)		Dumbass tag trumps fail tag as three men use a stun gun to kidnap a man and take him 1200 miles away, only to find out they kidnapped the wrong man  (news-leader.com)	(40)
		George Will delivers an "Ohhh, SNAP" moment to Lynne Cheney on the Negro comment  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(370)
(Some Guy)		British moms upset over "career women make bad mothers" billboard their nannies told them about  (rochdaleonline.co.uk)	(232)

		Study claims watching TV increases your risk of heart disease by 18 percent. If you're watching a reality TV show about global warming in Yemen while eating potato chips, you've already been dead for three years  (timesonline.co.uk)	(37)
		Scientists to spend three years building "wet computer". Drew to publish Fark server research documents  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(18)
		China's one-child policy has created 24 million men who will never have a shot at finding a Chinese wife. It's not clear if this is a good thing or a bad thing  (telegraph.co.uk)	(274)
(Some Guy)		TN Republicans seek to delay implementing Tennessee Voter Confidence Act during emergency special legislative session  (nashvilleistalking.com)	(91)
		Little League adds new age division for 13-year-olds featuring transitional field dimensions that the 14-year-olds can get used to before these 15-year-olds move on to regulation-size fields  (abcnews.go.com)	(26)
		The head White House economic adviser says despite disappointing jobs report last week, she expects better employment by spring, which is when new people will be hired to feed the unicorn herds and tend to the fairy gardens  (marketwatch.com)	(70)
		I'm a bipedal unicorn with a samurai sword and your argument is invalid (Probably Not safe for work)  (iheartchaos.com)	(34)
(SILive)		If you recently stole 22 tons of tilapia from NYC port, the authorities would like a word with you and would recommend a tanker of California chardonnay to pair with your haul  (silive.com)	(109)
		It's a quiet, peaceful moment at the watering hole. Until the damned warthog comes along  (liveleak.com)	(32)
		General McChrystal says the tide is turning in Afghanistan, which is good since we'll need all of our resources soon for Iran. I mean Yemen  (abcnews.go.com)	(260)
		Even Rod Blagojevich is denouncing Blagojevich's comments about being "blacker than Obama"  (news.yahoo.com)	(153)
		America by the numbers: We commit suicide less than other countries. We spend less on food but are really fat. And the average man has only boffed 5 women, and he's lying about 3 of them  (washingtonpost.com)	(561)
		"The male occupant made a very poor decision using gasoline," said the fire department  (charlotteobserver.com)	(48)
		Dr. Demento interviews Frank Zappa. 'Nuff said  (youtube.com)	(46)
		Forget Leno, O'Brien and Letterman: where are the women on late night?  (communities.canada.com)	(122)
(Some Frozen Guy)		Jumping in a river is not the best way to end an argument with your girlfriend  (pjstar.com)	(54)
		Obama has "no intention" of sending troops to Yemen. None. Nope. Not a chance. El zippo. Zilch. Nada. Nicht. Nein. Non. Nej. Negatory. Ain't gonna happen. Translation: We're about to attack Yemen    (news.yahoo.com)	(594)
		Banks bailed out by American taxpayers are finally implementing responsible financial compensation practices. Just kidding, employee performance bonuses for 2009 will be 'record-busting'  (abcnews.go.com)	(100)

(Some Uptight Guy)		"People are not facing the fact that porn is dangerous to the core. It sucks every bit of truth, contentment, honesty, character, loyalty, and reality out of the mind and soul of the one plugging into it"  (kpxq1360.com)	(600)
		Producers say there's no way Walt Disney will just let "Lost" end this year. "We just made a commitment to this group of characters whose stories are coming to a conclusion this May"  (popwatch.ew.com)	(62)
		So who really owns Spiderman, the X-Men and the Fantastic Four? Is it the genius with the pencil who created them all and brought them to life or the suits who profited from the creation and never properly compensated the artist?  (news.yahoo.com)	(82)
(Fosters.com)		Dear God, If you don't want to have the church painted, please give me a sign. Amen  (fosters.com)	(42)
		A father/son alement came to a head and a tap out over a Falcon, may have left them too Busched to draught a dynastic defense, but at least there are still Buds  (stltoday.com)	(13)

		The studio audience of "Two and a Half Men" said to be very supportive of Charlie Sheen. Then again, as the studio audience of "Two and a Half Men," they are, more likely than not, functionally retarded  (starpulse.com)	(90)
		Not News: Somebody makes a racist comment about Obama. News: It's a Senator. Fark: It was Democrat Harry Reid who talked about Obama's skin tone and "lack of negro dialect."  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(750)
		Glenn Beck heroically criticizes powerful "tax cheats" who claim to have merely made "mistakes." Now Beck is being accused of similar "mistakes." For the first time ever, Beck is not available for comment  (politico.com)	(188)
		For the "Ghostrider" sequel there's no Eva Mendes, they're going to Europe and "incorporating kind of an original idea of Nic's." The only thing that can save this thing now is some math and a bear suit  (chud.com)	(52)
		Live Nation, Ticketmaster merger approved after months of negotiation. Only the Justice Department can stop them now  (variety.com)	(50)
		"The greatest moments on the Jay Leno show." LGN    (newsroom.mtv.com)	(26)
		Good News: The unemployment rate hasn't gone up. Bad News: because so many people have just given up and quit looking  (businessweek.com)	(107)
(Some Guy)		DC cops can arrest women for carrying more than two condoms. Like your mom  (lafiga.firedoglake.com)	(133)

		That crazy guy from Law & Order is off his meds again: Humphrey Bogart was a communist, Ingrid Bergman was a plant for the American Feminist Movement, and Casablanca was part of the "Communist Collective Dream."  (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(124)
		Dennis Hopper tells friends and family that he's ready to die, asks forgiveness for his involvement in the "Super Mario Bros." movie  (metro.co.uk)	(109)
		Crabby neighbors complain about Norah Jones' home-improvement plans, including windows and a swimming pool. In other news, some people have a problem with Norah Jones in a swimsuit  (nypost.com)	(32)
		When some people see men out on a frozen pond fishing from a stretch limo, they ask, "why?" Andy Giza asks, "why not?"  (telegram.com)	(49)
		Asking 75-year olds to take college classes does not turn luxury retirement condos into school dormitories for purposes of zoning law. Nice try, though  (metrowestdailynews.com)	(28)
		Boy is let off with a warning after stabbing a teacher in the chest with a pencil. Teachers union insists that there be stricter punishment, No. 2 ways about it    (express.co.uk)	(135)
		Morrissey dumps his management team, record label. Heaven knows he's miserable now  (contactmusic.com)	(24)
		Upset over criticism of his running of the RNC, Michael Steele says "STFU or fire me". Countdown to replacement at T-minus 10, 9, 8  (crooksandliars.com)	(106)
		FOX pulls episodes of 'Our Little Genius' over 'integrity' issues, recommends that viewers interested in watching child-like delivery of information via earpiece tune in to their news network instead  (news-briefs.ew.com)	(48)

		A candid interview with the two most powerful men in showbiz  (popwatch.ew.com)	(21)
		Balloon dad now claims that the claim that the stunt was a hoax was a hoax and that he claims he pled guilty to save his wife and can TLC do a documentary on that for him please?  (msnbc.msn.com)	(55)
		Rodan's recovery may put him back on the soccer field soon. Godzilla said to be unhappy about this development  (news.com.au)	(9)
		"A Department of Natural Resources report says hunters shot 10 buildings. That's down from 25 in 2008, 19 in 2007 and 15 in 2006"  (twincities.com)	(136)
		David Arquette: "When you get married, you just don't have sex as much. You've gotta start scheduling it." Courteney Cox is gonna make him regret that statement more than "Eight Legged Freaks"  (starpulse.com)	(42)
		Broke, dead-beat dad presumed dead after vanishing. Oh, did we mention he won $16.9 million in the lottery and wanted to move to Jamaica? Meh, that doesn't really factor into this. He's dead  (google.com)	(60)

(Some Guy)		"Driving Instructor Critical After Student Crashes." What did the student expect, compliments?    (wbztv.com)	(69)
		Guillermo Del Toro's two-picture version of the Hobbit has a production schedule, and it involves unprecedented animatronics and the CGI tech used in Avatar. Get ready for awesomeness beyond your wildest dreams  (chud.com)	(153)
(Some Guy)		After a laundry room dispute, an elderly man goes for his slingshot. Other tenants say he's a real menace  (970wfla.com)	(54)
		Chris Dodd's retirement could actually help the Democrats hold on to his Senate seat  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(60)
		ABC orders sitcom pilots starring Cedric the Entertainer and Carlos Mencia, and lo, did the seas boil with blood and the sky rent with fire as the last trumpet sounded  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(72)
		Man with history of mental illness, public masturbation, sexual assault, variety of felony and misdemeanor charges finally arrested after stabbing childhood friend to death. With "who would ever have guessed it" mugshot  (billingsgazette.com)	(151)
		Obama opposes closing the locks on Chicago rivers to prevent Asian carp from entering the Great Lakes in his first major statement on immigration policy  (freep.com)	(86)
(Popeater.com)		TV Chef Padma Lakshmi reportedly having a baby girl. Article includes pic that prominently displays the kid's upcoming menu choices  (popeater.com)	(124)
		In an announcement that has nothing whatsoever to do with three prominent Democrats "retiring", Obama wants to fast track a final health care bill  (content.usatoday.com)	(254)
		The crotchbomber's visa has now been revoked, thanks to the US Department of Face Palms and Retroactive Competence    (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(66)
		A female cane toad can "pump herself up to mega-size" if she wants to dissuade a male from mating with her. In the human species, we call this phenomenon "marriage"    (smh.com.au)	(51)
		Russia increases taxes on beer and vodka as a way to stop its citizens from drinking like British women on holiday  (reason.com)	(96)
		New book by Osama Bin Laden's children reveal a cruel father who routinely beat his kids, killed theIr pets in poison gas experiments, and asked them to go on suicide missions  (abcnews.go.com)	(188)
		Attacker kills man after sharing beers with him. Of Coors, the thug wasn't the victim's Bud, so what Foster's this kind of brutality in people? Let's not beat around the Busch. He may have had a Pabst history of mental illness  (news.com.au)	(83)
(Some Guy)		"Women's Olympic Hockey Team Unveiled." I'm guessing it's not the Saudi team  (ctvolympics.ca)	(28)
		Arizona legislature proposes fixing $1.3 Billion deficit with ... tax cuts. Hell, why not just sell the government and its buildings?  (azcentral.com)	(276)
(KGTV)		Dear advice column: My boyfriend has four different kids by four different women, including me. He hasn't mentioned anything about marriage. My question is, am I wasting my time?  (10news.com)	(277)

(CO Spring Gazette)		In Colorado, a banjo is considered a deadly weapon, at least when you hit someone in the head with it. Otherwise, it's just a deadly instrument  (gazette.com)	(67)
		Senator Byron Dorgan (D-ND) announces his retirement but fails to specify whether next week's stories about him will involve pages, bribes, or wide stance  (thehill.com)	(109)
		Randy Johnson announces retirement. Birds, photographers rejoice  (sports.espn.go.com)	(87)
		Michele Bachmann (Retarded-MN): "GOP should allow themselves to be re-defined by the tea party movement."  (thinkprogress.org)	(280)
		Somali pirates diversify activities with savvy real estate investments. Seriously, that's what they're doing  (io9.com)	(72)
		2010 shaping up to be tough year for Tiger Woods impersonators who appear in commercials and charity golf tournaments  (cnbc.com)	(19)
(WSB-TV)		Rules for arguing with your significant other: Don't call each other names, don't go to bed angry and don't let your argument lead police to your meth lab  (wsbtv.com)	(45)