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Headlines matching 'life'
Mon May 28, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Short List) Stupid Lifetime developing a new series based on Clarice Starling who they're planning to turn into a victim of rape, incest and cyber-bullying  (shortlist.com) (37)
(USA Today) Sad The tragically short life of a gizmo battery  (usatoday.com) (17)


Sun May 27, 2012
(YouTube) Video In honor of Vincent Price's birthday, here is part of a super rare movie he was in. Can any of you imagine Price being a roller coaster freak in real life?  (youtube.com) (20)


Fri May 25, 2012
(BBC) Amusing Fugitive penguin recaptured in Tokyo. Keepers are keen to return it to the Sea Life Park, but on the other hand they've already mixed up 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura  (bbc.co.uk) (28)


Thu May 24, 2012
(Spiegel) Interesting Non-genetic study finds Germans genetically incapable of enjoying life. Here comes the hyperbole  (spiegel.de) (67)
(Boston.com) Interesting The life and times of the rocks from Studio C  (boston.com) (9)
(LA Times) Obvious Six months in the life of a woman "caught up" in the cycle of poverty. "She took the test - and failed. But rather than study and take it again, she shrugged it off. 'I guess I am not working for a reason,' she said"  (latimes.com) (871)
(The New Yorker) Interesting If you are in the mood for a real-life adventure story, read about William Morgan, an American who joined the Cuban Revolution and became a military commander. This makes Kerouac's adventures look juvenile  (newyorker.com) (54)


Wed May 23, 2012
(Huffington Post) Amusing Excerpt from Harvard class-of-1962 reunion directory: "Occupation: prisoner. Awards: eight life sentences"  (huffingtonpost.com) (46)
(Nerve) Amusing Ridiculous Tips for a Miserable Sex Life: May 2012 Cosmo's summer tips, Men's Health's sex-boosting foods, and so much more  (nerve.com) (55)
(Wonkette) Obvious Why won't you libs leave the Palin family alone? They just want to fade back into the obscurity of normal life by sending out press releases about their new reality TV shows  (wonkette.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Florida Welcome to sunny Florida, please enjoy our strip mall casinos, where mafia-connected thugs will cheerfully beat you to within an inch of your life and provide you with a voucher good for 10% off a paragliding adventure  (wdbo.com) (16)
(Gallup) Cool Gallup finds pro-life supporters at a record high of 50%, pro-choice at record low of 41%. Looks like more and more people really are thinking of the children  (gallup.com) (157)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Lead roles in upcoming Casey Anthony movie cast, unfortunately not into Hell  (wesh.com) (50)


Tue May 22, 2012
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Man responsible for proliferation of polka dies. Accordions everywhere mourn  (chicagotribune.com) (36)


Sat May 19, 2012
(Yahoo) Spiffy Lucky Luke: A man's implanted heart defibrillator may have saved his life in an unexpected way, by stopping a knife during an attack ack ack ack  (news.yahoo.com) (28)
(Jezebel) Interesting Italian actor unable to attend premiere of his highly acclaimed film at Cannes as he has to return to prison to continue serving a life sentence for double murder  (jezebel.com) (15)


Fri May 18, 2012
(610 WIOD) Followup Zimmerman photos from the night of the incident detailing his injuries, and the 183 pages of court documents, for those who still care, have no life  (610wiod.com) (751)


Wed May 16, 2012
(USA Today) Stupid Are you a self-centered douchebag who can't wait a few hours before yammering your life's inanities into a cellphone so that everyone trapped around you can hear every detail? Awesome, you're the man, book your next flight on Virgin  (travel.usatoday.com) (40)
(AOL) Hero University issues new contract requiring faculty to accept "Personal Lifestyle Pledge". Faculty members respond with "How about no? Does no work for you? And by the way, we're out of here "  (jobs.aol.com) (243)


Tue May 15, 2012
(Grantland) Cool ESPN relaunches 30 for 30, this time with short films instead of full length documentaries. They start out with the most depressing goddamn film they have - a day in the life of Pete Rose  (grantland.com) (183)
(My San Antonio) Asinine What does a judge say to a 26-year-old who abandoned children to have sex with a 13-year old? a) life without parole. b) chemical castration. c) if you were male, I'd send you to prison, but instead here's a little probation  (mysanantonio.com) (168)


Mon May 14, 2012
(Politico) Interesting Obama releases 2-minute ad on Romney's time at Bain Capital: "They were like a vampire; they came in and sucked the life out of us"  (politico.com) (509)
(Some Guy) Interesting NASA to play real life asteroids  (asianage.com) (17)
(BBC) Silly "For any passengers who've not visited London before, do please prepare yourselves for the capital's overwhelmingly calm and relaxing pace of life"  (bbc.co.uk) (24)


Sun May 13, 2012
(Some Guy) Sad Teens walk on old people's lawns. Old people take teen's jobs in record numbers. Old people can afford nicer lawns. And the circle of life is complete  (post-gazette.com) (61)
(AZCentral) Strange Sao Paolo has 31 life-size human silhouettes appearing tense, perched on the edges of high-rises, prepared to dive to their deaths below. Wall Street has none. Can't explain that  (azcentral.com) (42)


Sat May 12, 2012
(Gizmodo) Cool You've never seen so much wood in your entire life (that's what she said)  (gizmodo.com) (20)
(Visual.ly) Spiffy Five exoplanets that might just be able to support human life. Subby calls dibs on Gliese 667C c  (visual.ly) (167)
(NPR) Obvious So, the key to a long and happy life is to: A) buy a small island, B) plant 16,000 trees, C) surround yourself with 120 giant tortoises, or D) all of the above  (npr.org) (66)


Fri May 11, 2012
(Think Progress) Asinine From the "did he really just say that?" files, Catholic League head Bill Donohue says that he wants the law to "discriminate against all alternative lifestyles", just like Jesus would (w/video)  (thinkprogress.org) (163)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Man crashes Bobcat loader into store to steal deodorant. Police plan to charge him with first degree theft and encouraged the store to ban him for life  (chicagotribune.com) (52)


Thu May 10, 2012
(Houston Chronicle) Amusing This video of a naked man on a unicycle brought to you by the Houston PD, and the makers of Cheap Liquor™. Cheap Liquor™, providing impaired judgment for the best and the worst times of your life  (blog.chron.com) (29)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine You're safe and sound, America: Drug crime sends first-time offender grandmother to prison for life  (chron.com) (114)
(SlashFilm) Fail Spinoff of 10 Things I Hate About You, a suicide drama called 10 Things I Hate About Life, is in the works. Look for an awkward dedication and attempt to replace Heath Ledger  (slashfilm.com) (30)
(CNN) Sad You may have been poor in your life, but hopefully you have never been "Garbage Chicken" poor  (edition.cnn.com) (144)
(RamblingBeachCat.com) Cool Jenny the Dry Erase Board Girl (actress Elyse Porterfield) on life after becoming a meme and before her debut on 'Parks and Recreation' tonight  (ramblingbeachcat.com) (57)
(YouTube) Spiffy James Brown took time off from the afterlife to possess a contestant on American Idol on Thursday night  (youtube.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop a keyboard action that would do something in real life... LGT example  (i218.photobucket.com) (50)
(The New York Times) Obvious It used to be just two talks you had to give your kids, the "birds and the bees" and the more delicate discussion of how to navigate a healthy sexual life as a young adult. Now there's a third - Internet porn  (nytimes.com) (94)


Wed May 09, 2012
(Jalopnik) Strange "The answer is I don't sit around twiddle-farking my life away, playing video games, watching TV or movies, which is what a lot of those guys waste their time doing" - says some guy building his own car  (jalopnik.com) (48)


Tue May 08, 2012
(Huffington Post) Interesting Details of Helen Keller's secret love life revealed. I did not see that coming  (huffingtonpost.com) (122)
(YouTube) Amusing You have to admit, it's pretty funny when it's other people's children being scarred for life. RUUUUUN ....Runnn ..... runnnnn  (youtube.com) (35)
(Some Lizard) Photoshop Fotoshp Theem: Life withoot a spllckecher  (ops.org) (33)


Mon May 07, 2012
(Yahoo) Unlikely Acupuncture, hypnosis effective in getting people to quit smoking, according to the Bureau of I've Never Done a Double Blind Study In My Life  (news.yahoo.com) (138)
(Denver Westword) Amusing Man is selling off his mid-life crisis so his wife can buy hers  (blogs.westword.com) (52)
(Huffington Post) Sick HuffPo slideshow "Stars Who've Kept the Weight Off." Reality: most were healthy by society's standards and are now anorexic, some via a dangerously drug-fueled lifestyle. But, YAY anyway  (huffingtonpost.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Wheaton Under String Theory, a real life warp drive would only require 100kg of anti-matter. I hope you're right Ed Witten. Star Trek, here we come  (zidbits.com) (117)


Sun May 06, 2012
(io9) Cool Even if you're a Lego character, daily life on the planet Hoth really sucks  (io9.com) (13)
(CNN) Hero "Bahhh, I ain't buyin' your Face-Place flimflammery. In MY day, we kept in touch by shoutin' real loud. 'HOW'S LIFE, CHARLIE?' 'SUCKS, WARREN.' And we all went deaf and mute at 15 and we LIKED it"  (money.cnn.com) (57)


Sat May 05, 2012
(Some Guy) Cool Researchers develop a life-sized 3d 'hologram' for, er, teleconferencing. Yeah, that's it: teleconferencing   (canadianmanufacturing.com) (21)
(YouTube) Cool Runners in Pennsylvania compete in real life 12 mile side scroller  (youtube.com) (34)


Fri May 04, 2012
(Pravda) Obvious The American idle rich inherit a lightly-taxed, multi-million dollar trust fund fortune, never work a day in their life and do absolutely nothing to earn their daily bread  (english.pravda.ru) (108)


Thu May 03, 2012
(New York Daily News) Stupid One in 10 believe world is ending in 2012, one in seven believe it will end in their lifetime  (nydailynews.com) (191)
(Gizmodo) Interesting New study suggests that jogging less than two hours per week can add years to your life. Less than two hours? My God, we're going to live forever  (gizmodo.com) (25)
(Barrons) Obvious Herbalife: "If the market doesn't like our shares, we'll buy our own shares and have hookers and blackjack. You know what, FORGET THE SHARE BUYING"  (blogs.barrons.com) (12)
(Salon) Amusing "An influential group of skeptics rejoined that cybernetics had not advanced to the point where it could create lifelike humanoids, even ones as unconvincing as Romney"  (salon.com) (19)
(BBC) Silly In real life I work for a foot care company and once a month I am the Lord of Alessandra  (bbc.co.uk) (13)
(Daily Mail) Florida When real life imitates Ferris Bueller: "You guys got nothing to worry about, I'm a professional." A professional what?  (dailymail.co.uk) (27)


Wed May 02, 2012
(CBC) PSA Protip: If your lawsuit claims 'chronic pain and diminished ability to enjoy life' it's probably best to keep those vacation pics off facebook  (cbc.ca) (52)


Tue May 01, 2012
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Life stinks for high school media specialist busted over sock fetish  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (34)
(RamblingBeachCat.com) Scary Instead of making a crappy movie based on fake events, why didn't Hollywood use a real story of Edgar Allan Poe's art being imitated by life?  (ramblingbeachcat.com) (24)


Sun April 29, 2012
(Newser) Weird A real-life Norman Bates has been busted for fraud for dressing up like his dead mother for six years and collecting her benefits. But he doesn't believe he's done anything wrong-because he actually believes he is his mother  (newser.com) (41)


Sat April 28, 2012
(Some Guy (links to WSJ op-ed)) Asinine Your state taxes are going up (way up) because the guy who dropped out of high school at 17 to work on a garbage truck got to retire at 37 with pay and benefits for life. Move along, citizen  (volokh.com) (277)
(BBC) Scary KFC's Twister Wrap contains a secret blend of 12 herbs and spices, one of which will paralyze you for life  (bbc.co.uk) (62)


Fri April 27, 2012
(Daily Mail) Fail Paramedics: Boasting on Facebook you saved the life of a young woman is good. Boasting that you managed to cop a feel while doing so is bad  (dailymail.co.uk) (63)
(Telegraph) Misc Astronomers find first planet in the sweet spot of the habitable zone, capable of supporting intelligent life  (telegraph.co.uk) (123)


Thu April 26, 2012
(The Raw Story) Ironic Government grant used to develop video game based on the life of noted philosopher and anarchist Henry David Thoreau  (rawstory.com) (33)
(WRCB-TV) Unlikely Apparently that whole "leap from the car seconds before it crashes and bursts into flames" thing happens in real life, too. Even more amazingly, the leaper only suffered minor injuries and will be fine  (wrcbtv.com) (27)
(Des Moines Register) Followup The Catholic priest who kept his cancer secret and gave a moving sermon about life on Easter Sunday has died at age 66  (desmoinesregister.com) (129)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Cool Prom for home-schooled teens included night of life sized chess and barefooted sword fighting, many awkward moments of realizing other teens exist outside of television and internet  (star-telegram.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Fail Bank of America claims 'lifetime' free checking means the lifetime of that promotion  (abclocal.go.com) (55)
(Deadline) Fail So it's come to this: Lifetime has optioned a Nancy Grace novel and has tapped Jennie Garth to star  (deadline.com) (33)


Wed April 25, 2012
(Gawker) Strange "Artist" constructs life-size mummy out of McDonald's food to make a point about modern society, or something  (gawker.com) (30)
(Some Morons) Fail Ad for life-saving EpiPen pulled from air after outraged parents of children with food allergies protest that it makes them look like bad parents. Because I'd rather my child die than suffer the embarrassment of being considered a bad parent  (blogs.babycenter.com) (176)
(BBC) Interesting When life gives you lemons make lemonade. When life gives you a kebab, use it to stem the flow of blood from your neck  (bbc.co.uk) (25)


Tue April 24, 2012
(LiveLeak) Video 15 seconds after birth, newborn baby succinctly comments about life  (liveleak.com) (38)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Some of the coolest yet saddest pictures of life in the Appalachians you will see today  (dailymail.co.uk) (434)


Mon April 23, 2012
(ABC) Obvious Win/Win: Businesses that publish police mug shots are proliferating online, shaming those with DUI charges or other arrests into spend hundreds of dollars to have their information removed from the sites  (abcnews.go.com) (81)
(Daily Mail) Weird 'Real-life Barbie' from Russia seeks to be the world's most convincing doll. I wonder if she's had her genitalia removed?  (dailymail.co.uk) (92)


Fri April 20, 2012
(Krypton Radio) Asinine Sony puts on patent troll hat and files patent for organizing gamers to meet in real life  (kryptonradio.com) (67)


Thu April 19, 2012
(SeattlePI) Interesting I'll see your Gulf shrimp with no eyes and raise you a shrimp that has no eyes AND lives its entire life in complete darkness at the bottom of the deepest caverns in New Mexico  (seattlepi.com) (10)


Tue April 17, 2012
(KATU) Strange Apparently so many teachers are having sex with their students that the U.S. Fish and Wildlife office has had to start busting pervs  (katu.com) (47)


Sun April 15, 2012
(io9) Spiffy Mundane illustrations of modern life in 2012, as commissioned by Atari thirty years ago  (io9.com) (44)


Sat April 14, 2012
(Standard Examiner) Cool Hall Of Famer Gaylord Perry's career stats: 314 wins, 265 losses, 3.11 ERA, 3,534 Ks, one life saved  (standard.net) (20)


Fri April 13, 2012
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Sad New Hampshire police chief lived his life like in the movies. Unfortunately, it was the part about getting shot one week before retirement  (sunjournal.com) (63)
(Discovery) Unlikely The Viking lander, which originally found life on Mars, then didn't find life on Mars, now has found life on Mars again  (news.discovery.com) (71)


Thu April 12, 2012
(Boing Boing) Spiffy Boing Boing thanks FARK for the very safe story of wildlife crossing a highway  (boingboing.net) (2)
(TMZ) Sad Blazing Saddles actor and former NFL star Alex Karras sues the NFL claiming he has dementia, says he is only pawn in game of life  (tmz.com) (73)
(TechEBlog) Cool Either real life lost a lot of resolution, or the acid just kicked in  (techeblog.com) (28)
(Philly.com) Dumbass Eighty-nine bags of drugs hanging off your schlong is no way to go through life  (philly.com) (58)
(3 News New Zealand) Scary When life imitates Austin Powers  (3news.co.nz) (89)


Wed April 11, 2012
(Daily Mail) Followup George, the world's largest dog, started life as the runt of the litter  (dailymail.co.uk) (65)


Tue April 10, 2012
(TMZ) Stupid Melissa Etheridge's ex-girlfriend says she cannot live on a stipend of $23,000 a month because she's accustomed to a lavish lifestyle and deserves more in alimony, insists Etheridge bring her some water  (tmz.com) (72)
(Stuff.co.nz) Spiffy Four years and 93 goals later, man who sold his life on eBay is now living on his own Caribbean island and has found love once again  (stuff.co.nz) (139)
(Short List) Cool The hot dog stuffed crust pizza is about to complete your life  (shortlist.com) (86)
(YouTube) Video Second "Family Guy" pilot from 1996. For the life of me, I can't understand why this wasn't picked up  (youtube.com) (47)


Mon April 09, 2012
(Some Bent Guy) Spiffy Sure Vegas has minibuses equipped with stripper poles and Jacuzzi limos, now comes a curbside service to treat those with massive hangovers: Mobile IV vans to bring you back to life after an all night bender  (lvrj.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Sappy 108-year-old Holocaust survivor still plays a mean piano, and has a great attitude about life  (karmatube.org) (18)


Sat April 07, 2012
(io9) Sad Las Vegas nearly had a life-sized Starship Enterprise. It's as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in despair and were suddenly silenced  (io9.com) (106)
(Discovery) Amusing "Sex is very difficult in zero gravity, because you have no traction and you keep bumping against the walls", says female biologist who has clearly never had a night with subby  (news.discovery.com) (39)
(Pro Football Talk) Interesting Cris Carter calls for lifetime ban for Gregg Williams. Cris obviously learned respect for the well-being of his opponents during all those years he played for Buddy Ryan  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (113)
(New York Daily News) Stupid Someone at Lifetime channel does not like curves, forces Jennifer Love Hewitt to undergo a breast reduction for new role. Fortunately for us it was only a digital breast reduction. Pics: Before/After  (nydailynews.com) (177)


Fri April 06, 2012
(El Paso Times) Obvious After listening to 20 minutes worth of charges, Juarez drug cartel killer pleads guilty to lots of evil shiat, gets 10 life sentences  (elpasotimes.com) (54)
(Mercury News) Fail At some point when you tattoo White Power on your forehead, you must realize that sooner or later you'll find yourself serving a life sentence in supermax. Maybe that's why you're smiling so  (mercurynews.com) (92)


Thu April 05, 2012
(Boomstick Comics) Cool HBO creates new series based on This American Life segment. Owen Wilson involved  (boomstickcomics.com) (28)
(The New York Times) Interesting Middle-class writer lives like a billionaire for a day, but says: I'll go back to my normal life. TYVM  (dealbook.nytimes.com) (96)


Wed April 04, 2012
(Media Matters) Followup Fox News anchor who tweeted claim that Obama threatened Chelsea Clinton's life over Hillary's birth certificate investigation is sorry and assures us that she respects the legitimacy of "President" Bongfart Insane O'Taxus  (mediamatters.org) (174)
(Yahoo) Amusing Game of Thrones characters matched up with real life boxers makes for a surprisingly good, crazy fit  (sports.yahoo.com) (21)
(Jezebel) Hero Ryan Gosling just saved a woman's life, presumably while playing piano, searing a perfect piece of tuna, and without moving a single hair out of its perfect place  (jezebel.com) (118)


Tue April 03, 2012
(The Atlantic) Strange Life Without Sex: Asexuality Movement says it's ok and you are not alone. Even though you are alone  (theatlantic.com) (259)
(Media Matters) Asinine Fox News anchor will have to take Obama at his word that he didn't threaten Chelsea Clinton's life so Hilary would keep quiet about the fact that he was born in Kenya and faked his birth certificate  (mediamatters.org) (334)
(USA Today) Scary As the seas continuously rise due to global warming, architects and city planners are exploring creative ways to prepare us all for life in Waterworld  (usatoday.com) (116)
(Some Guy) Fail Tom Cruise's new movie "Rock of Ages," is worse than Hitler, Pol Pot, and Stalin combined. It's an affront to everything good in life  (justjared.com) (155)
(YouTube) Cool You have 5000 old floppy disks with information you want to keep. How do you load that information into your computer without spending weeks/months of your life doing so?  (youtube.com) (214)
(The Consumerist) Obvious Around 7000 students learn a valuable lesson in life. If thousands of dollars are mistakenly deposited into your account, you don't get to keep it  (consumerist.com) (40)
(Slate) Unlikely The quest for quality of life may one day dethrone New York and London, writes wishful thinking journalist who has never lived in flyover country  (slate.com) (41)


Mon April 02, 2012
(Fox News) Sad Toddler drowns in washing machine. But hey, that's the cycle of life  (foxnews.com) (217)
(The New York Times) Sad Harry Crews, who wrote about a man eating a 1971 Ford Maverick, has passed. RIP to an ex-Marine, ex-boxer, ex-bouncer, ex-barker, and ex-drunk whose work AND life were "freakish drama, deep tragedy and the blackest of black comedy"  (nytimes.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Hero Eight year old girl saves friend's life. Includes cutest pic of the Heimlich maneuver you'll see today  (king5.com) (33)
(Politico) Interesting Romneybot3000 prepares to load betterhalf.exe which adds a better GUI and more lifelike animations  (politico.com) (53)
(Jalopnik) Sad Last Saabs ever built sent to a place where hope, happiness, and life slowly rots away  (jalopnik.com) (61)


Sun April 01, 2012
(YouTube) Spiffy Watch this 13-year-old kid play Emerson, Lake and Palmer's "Trilogy", devoting more expression to three and a half minutes than you've ever managed to squeeze out of your entire, miserable, self-absorbed life  (youtube.com) (26)
(The American Interest) Strange Rock is slammed as one of "the symptoms of cultural decline that have proliferated during the past half century in American society." No, not that rock  (the-american-interest.com) (62)
(SeattlePI) Cool When life imitates the movies: Cop chasing after a suspect yells, "Stop that guy," and a bystander tackles him  (seattlepi.com) (51)


Sat March 31, 2012
(WRCB-TV) Followup Someone in Maryland will soon realize that they are the most popular person on the entire planet, and if they were smart, we'd never ever hear of them again for the rest of their natural life  (wrcbtv.com) (150)


Fri March 30, 2012
(Slate) Interesting Mother distraught over son being fat, lazy, uneducated ... and completely happy. Apparently, it IS a good way to go through life  (slate.com) (135)
(Daily Mail) Obvious First you get the money, then you get the power, then you can get the lifesize bust of the Godfather, at least for awhile  (dailymail.co.uk) (14)
(Wall Street Journal) Silly China unveils animated character to compete against Pokemon and Buzz Lightyear: Tofu Boy, born in "once-famous but now bedraggled shop where tofu maker Old Wang wonders aloud if having a son would change his life"  (blogs.wsj.com) (34)


Thu March 29, 2012
(LiveLeak) Cool Good: The most totally awesome baby stroller in the history of man. Bad: he'll never remember the coolest moment in his entire life  (liveleak.com) (19)
(Buzzfeed) Interesting The creepiest real-life Barbie that you will see today (w/creepy-ass pics)  (buzzfeed.com) (312)
(Wired) Spiffy Astronomers estimate roughly 40% of all red dwarf star systems may contain Earth-like planets capable of supporting life. Smegheads  (wired.com) (68)


Wed March 28, 2012
(AlterNet) Spiffy Workaday drudgery keeping up with the bills got you down? Well, sit back on your sackcloth, eat a piece of cake and settle in for some good old fashioned class warfare with The 10 Most Obscene Lifestyles Choices of the Fabulously Well-to-Do  (alternet.org) (25)
(Brockton Enterprise) Sad Semi-hot teacher who had sex with teenage boy 300 times gets 29 months in prison for destroying his life  (enterprisenews.com) (257)


Tue March 27, 2012
(Short List) Hero "Hello, 911? Yes, this is dog." - Basset hound saves own life by ringing emergency services  (shortlist.com) (125)
(Fox News) Weird Real-life Hamburgler steals $20 worth of McDonald's food as it is handed to a customer. Cops unclear how anyone spends $20 at McDonald's but estimate the street value at $0.47  (foxnews.com) (95)
(Reuters) Scary Signing up for a Mexican gang hit squad doesn't exactly increase your life expectancy. Neither does signing up for the DEA's fake Mexican gang hit squad  (reuters.com) (56)
(Science Daily) Stupid How movies that make you say "Jesus at least my life doesn't suck THAT bad" make people feel better. Apparently it was a mystery  (sciencedaily.com) (35)


Mon March 26, 2012
(Some Guy) Amusing "As in real life, there are a few cucumbers on the road." Stupid farking cucumbers  (au.eurosport.com) (6)


Sun March 25, 2012
(The Tennessean) Interesting Dolly Parton plans to write her life as a musical, focusing the most part on her fondest mammaries  (tennessean.com) (41)


Sat March 24, 2012
(popoholic) Spiffy Jennifer Love Hewitt's lack of clothing assures new Lifetime network series their biggest ratings in history  (popoholic.com) (96)
(AZCentral) Caturday You fall nineteen stories, what do you get / Another life gone and a trip to the vet / Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go / I'll owe my soul to a screened window  (azcentral.com) (594)
(Daily Mail) Asinine America's wackiest, ugliest televangelist couple accused of stealing $50 million in charitable funds to pay for lavish lifestyle, sex scandals, and the world's most hideous wigs. Includes kill it with fire pics  (dailymail.co.uk) (174)


Fri March 23, 2012
(The Smoking Gun) Silly People, forging IDs, disturbing the peace, resisting arrest and thieving is no way to go through life. But it will land you in this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (117)
(Houston Press) Unlikely Art imitates life imitates art: TABC believes Discovery Channel reality show Moonshiners is to blame for recent rash of moonshining operations in Texas  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (85)
(Gizmodo) Interesting Facebook doesn't want you to let potential employers violate your privacy and know every detail about your life. That's their job, dammit  (gizmodo.com) (84)
(The Raw Story) Interesting When your firing is protested by Planned Parenthood and Texans For Life, you know you may have done something right  (rawstory.com) (105)
(Gamma Squad) Amusing Conan O'Brien and the TMNT creators weigh in on Michael Bay's teenage alien ninja turtle-like life forms  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (67)
(Uproxx) Cool Dubstep DJ deadmau5 changed someone's life, and it has nothing to do with giving them herpes  (uproxx.com) (103)
(New Scientist) Strange Scientists confirm what the rest of us have known for years: if you want to live a longer life, stop listening to Enya  (newscientist.com) (36)
(BBC) Hero Sir Ian McKellen and Stephen Fry should be granted honorary UltraFark status for life for this immensely good deed  (bbc.co.uk) (114)


Thu March 22, 2012
(The Raw Story) Dumbass Pat Robertson puts a bounty out on Peyton Manning. Can we get him banned for life..please?  (rawstory.com) (191)
(Yahoo) Amusing The Smithsonian embraces its new mission of "scaring the daylights out of people" by placing a life-sized replica of "Titanboa", a 48 ft long, 2,500lb snake, at the entrance to Grand Central Station in NYC  (news.yahoo.com) (65)


Wed March 21, 2012
(MSNBC) Interesting While only giving your children bottled water may prevent Obama from controlling their minds through the neuro-socialist transmitters contained within fluoride, it can also make them more susceptible to cavities. Ah, well, life's a balance  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com) (133)
(Some Guy) Followup Some things in life are just inevitable... the sun rises, the seasons change, and FARK's favorite spray paint connoisseur, Patrick Tribett, will be arrested for huffing paint  (wvjails.info) (124)
(Smh.com.au) PSA If you own an Android device and have yet to root it, two things. 1. WTF? 2. You'll get a 70% increase in battery life by getting rid of Google tracking and ads  (smh.com.au) (152)


Tue March 20, 2012
(LA Times) Cool Tired of your ho-hum, work-a-day life? Sell everything and start trippin' in a vintage VW microbus, like this guy  (latimes.com) (91)


Mon March 19, 2012
(Sarah Hoyt) Obvious "If you truly believe refusing to force employers to pay for birth control is a war on women, then you are fragile little flowers who deserve to experience life practically anywhere else in the world"  (accordingtohoyt.com) (555)
(USA Today) Ironic China, the country that leads the world in toxic production of foods and other items for export, gets a little huffy over a 60-minute shelf-life violation  (usatoday.com) (11)
(Salon) Interesting How is boddy died? How is boddy died? How life get departed. They need to do way in stained brains who kill thier boddys. because these boddy can frigth back?  (salon.com) (74)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida "I could feel her breath on me. I've never been so terrified in my life. I guess by instinct I rolled over so she wouldn't hurt something vital. I didn't know what she was going to do and then the bear bit me in my butt"  (articles.orlandosentinel.com) (65)


Sat March 17, 2012
(TechEBlog) Spiffy Five technologies that give the Etch-A-Sketch new life  (techeblog.com) (11)


Fri March 16, 2012
(Some Guy) Fail "This American Life" retracts story on working conditions in Apple's Chinese plants after it turns out their main source was making shiat up  (macrumors.com) (160)
(Dayton Daily News) Stupid Woman dismayed to see skanks living a fairy-tale life because they found a rich guy who only cares about how good they are in bed. Bonus: women call her on it  (daytondailynews.com) (266)


Thu March 15, 2012
(Courier Mail) Interesting After siring at least 161,888 offspring in his lifetime, the world's most productive dairy cattle dies at the age of 27. He's a lock to get into the NBA Hall of Fame  (couriermail.com.au) (66)


Wed March 14, 2012
(Retronaut) Obvious In 1953, Life magazine published a highly irresponsible work of journalism, which resulted in the deaths of thousands of kittens worldwide  (retronaut.co) (193)
(wicked) Photoshop Photoshop these Texans reflecting on their life  (ourfamilyworld.com) (23)


Tue March 13, 2012
(WRCB-TV) Followup Manning Mania heads to Tennessee as Titans owner ups the ante over Denver, Arizona and Miami by offering Peyton "job for life"  (wrcbtv.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Weird There's an alien mothership sucking on the Sun like a teat. But is it just to get enough energy to make an attack on Earth? Or is it absorbing the life killing cosmic rays? That's what friendly aliens do  (news.gather.com) (75)


Mon March 12, 2012
(Metro) Interesting What happens to your online life after you die?  (metro.co.uk) (73)
(Indecision Forever) Obvious "Screwing up your life is the American way" (sponsored link)  (indecisionforever.com) (156)


Sun March 11, 2012
(Some Guy) Sick Did you know that the New Deal prolonged the Great Depression and made life harder on poor people?  (addictinginfo.org) (449)


Sat March 10, 2012
(io9) Followup Joss Whedon swears there's no Skrulls or Kree in The Avengers. "They have a big life of their own that just could not be contained in a film where I already had seven movie stars"  (io9.com) (122)
(Sun Sentinel) Amusing Man gets life in prison for stealing four-carat diamond ring from a 92 year old woman working in a mobile massage unit. Shouldn't getting a massage from a 92 year old woman be punishment enough?  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Amusing Romnoid, the Republican Android, and his observations of human life  (romnoid.tumblr.com) (90)
(Huffington Post) Caturday 'Fidge' the cat detects breast cancer in her human before doctors can thereby saving her human's life, now they can enjoy more Caturdays together  (huffingtonpost.com) (717)


Fri March 09, 2012
(CNN) Stupid In a world where Obama was king... when your life is no longer your own... when everything you know is wrong... a robot renegade candidate will emerge and unite his people in defense of liberty   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (57)
(Yahoo) Amusing Mitt Romney ain't getting laid tonight, or possibly ever again in his life. Fellas, no matter how complimentary your intent, you should NEVER use the adjective "heavyweight" when referring to your wife  (news.yahoo.com) (30)
(Huffington Post) Followup Much like a dying, bloated whale crashing onto a sandy shore to bask in the sun during its final moments of life, only to be stared at by horrified onlookers, Britney Spears will be heading to the judge's table on X-Factor  (huffingtonpost.com) (23)
(Metro) Spiffy Matt Groening: I could easily fill up my entire life just working on Futurama  (metro.co.uk) (88)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Reno 911" creators to make movie based on real-life theft of Superman comic from Nicolas Cage. Your argument is invalid  (collider.com) (47)


Thu March 08, 2012
(Washington Post) Interesting Unemployed? It could be worse: How to completely, utterly destroy an employee's work life  (washingtonpost.com) (148)
(Some Guy) Cool How reddit saved one man's life...aside from keeping him out of the sun's harmful UV rays  (mashable.com) (32)
(Daily Mail) Hero Not News: Dog saves owners life. Fark: FOUR TIMES  (dailymail.co.uk) (28)


Wed March 07, 2012
(SanDiegoUnionTribune) Dumbass Robbing churches while running around in a tutu and tights with your junk hanging out is no way to go through life, son  (utsandiego.com) (29)
(Slate) Stupid Mitt Romney is the Galactus of the GOP primaries, apparently because he has the power to consume and drain the life out of everything he touches on a planetary scale  (slate.com) (63)
(Hell no) Dumbass Woman facing charges for having sex with 18 yr old female student claims this is a case of "a disgruntled mother who cannot accept the lifestyle of her daughter", *looks at pic* um, no  (klfy.com) (94)


Mon March 05, 2012
(Some Appendage) Interesting Human life traced back to beginning as a worm. Man was made in the image of his noodly appendage  (vancouversun.com) (207)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Legalising gay marriage goes against natural law, says man who has spent most of his life in an organization that forbids its workers from having sexual relationships  (telegraph.co.uk) (145)


Sun March 04, 2012
(Fark) Cool LGN. Celebrating Daughter's 11th Bday today. If I never get another green in my life please green this with happy birthday messages. Printing out thread for scrapbook  (fark.com) (488)
(Science Daily) Ironic Science makes the no touching rule at strip clubs a matter of life and death  (sciencedaily.com) (28)


Fri March 02, 2012
(wtnh.com) Fail Congratulations, you've just been arrested for the 80th time in your life, here's a free trip to jail (With pics of what your average career criminal looks like)  (wtnh.com) (54)
(Bangor Daily News) Sick Come to Maine for the skiing, the beautiful landscapes, all the wildlife, and a dose of the winter vomiting disease  (bangordailynews.com) (83)


Wed February 29, 2012
(Des Moines Register) Fail Two men arrested for hunting bird, fish, and wildlife from an airplane. With guns. In Iowa  (desmoinesregister.com) (59)


Tue February 28, 2012
(WFTV) Florida Man who was arrested for punching police horse only pawn in game of life  (wftv.com) (40)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Need answers to all of life's nagging problems? 8-year-old Eve of London, England is here to help  (news.yahoo.com) (38)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy The Fox And The Hound real life version. Sadie the dog and Anuska the fox have become great friends. With the most awwww inspiring pictures you will see all day  (dailymail.co.uk) (68)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Breathe some new life back into your lungs: have them steam cleaned  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)


Mon February 27, 2012
(WINK-TV) Florida Need a restraining order because you're afraid for your life? Courthouse: Sorry but we've already hit our limit for restraining orders today. Come back tomorrow  (winknews.com) (39)


Sun February 26, 2012
(Click On Detroit) Asinine 86-year old WW2 vet recalls being wounded, crawling for his life while the civilians he fought for ignored him. Was this in France? The Phillipines? No, yesterday in Detroit after his carjacking  (clickondetroit.com) (205)


Sat February 25, 2012
(Stonekettle Station) Hero "For them, life begins at conception and ends at birth"  (stonekettle.com) (474)
(Huffington Post) Caturday Woman saves Pudding the cat's life by adopting him. Just hours later, Pudding returns the favor by saving his new owner from almost certain death so they can both enjoy Caturday  (huffingtonpost.com) (lots)


Thu February 23, 2012
(Spinner) PSA Meat Loaf wants you to know two things: he prefers being called Meat, not Mr. Loaf; and he has had several paranormal encounters in his lifetime  (spinner.com) (67)
(USA Today) Interesting Jennifer Love Hewitt (moderate stiffening) to star in TV show about prostitution (full rigidity) on Lifetime (some softening) with Cybill Sheppard (complete flaccidity)  (content.usatoday.com) (47)
(USA Today) Spiffy Sick of smug renters gloating about how they're not losing any money in this economy? Don't worry, homeowners, life's about to get harder for them, too  (usatoday.com) (215)
(Topless Robot) Strange Ten bizarre real-life events that inspired equally bizarre movies. Yes, The Mothman Prophecies was based on a true story  (toplessrobot.com) (83)


Wed February 22, 2012
(YES Network) Strange Yankees sign minor leaguer Burt Reynolds. Asked for comment, he replied, "The good old American lifestyle: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun... mostly for the money"  (yesnetwork.com) (18)
(CBS News) Followup Lindsay Lohan to play Liz Taylor, future self, in a Lifetime TV movie  (cbsnews.com) (18)
(MSNBC) Obvious India's $35 tablet computer program in trouble due to slow speed, short battery life and a clunky touch screen, but at least tech support is only a local phone call away  (msnbc.msn.com) (13)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Mark Cuban saves St. Patrick's Day parade. "I just thought it was fair that other people should be able to kill as many brain cells on Greenville Avenue as I have in my life"  (irishcentral.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Sad Yeah, we'd like to help with your life and death emergency, but all the police are currently tied up with the OWS Berkely protest. Please try to not get killed until we can leave these silly kids alone for a few minutes  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (230)


Mon February 20, 2012
(The New York Times) Cool 32,000 year-old seeds produce new life. Thankfully, this is not an Abe Vigoda-related story  (nytimes.com) (29)


Sun February 19, 2012
(The New York Times) Cool After a gunfight, failed suicide-by-Jaguar, crossing the Atlantic in a rowboat, the Pacific in another rowboat, and a life as an upholsterer, John Fairfax will try to fit in a box. RIP good sir, for you are the stuff Fark headlines are made of  (nytimes.com) (80)


Fri February 17, 2012
(Some Guy) Florida Flashing strange men at bars for beer money is no way to go through life, ladies. Especially when it leads to knife fights. (with "Oh, HELL no" mugshot goodness)  (abc-7.com) (72)
(Yahoo) Dumbass In life you can be guilty, and deserve your punishment. Or you can be innocent, but wrongly accused. Or you can be this guy  (news.yahoo.com) (94)
(Austin 360) Cool Cool: Life at college. Farking cool: At age eight  (austin360.com) (85)
(The Atlantic) Cool The 'Wow' Signal: One Man's Search for SETI's Most Tantalizing Trace of Alien Life  (theatlantic.com) (103)


Thu February 16, 2012
(MSNBC) Interesting South Korea, in an effort to stop the slow deaths of "that which has no life", considering putting a 2 hour time limit on gaming  (ingame.msnbc.msn.com) (170)


Tue February 14, 2012
(Some Guy) Asinine Pro-Life Republicans push to expand the death penalty to include people who, you know, never did any killing  (virginiapolitics.tumblr.com) (250)
(CSMonitor) PSA Electric cars prolong a destructive, car-centric lifestyle. And help you pick up socially conscious women. But at least feel guilty about it, OK?  (csmonitor.com) (234)


Mon February 13, 2012
(Statesman) Dumbass Trading crack for a lapdance, yelling racial slurs, assaulting police, spitting blood, and beating your own head into unconsciousness inside the police car is no way to go through life, son  (statesman.com) (64)


Sat February 11, 2012
(Daily Mail) Sad Graffiti artist who made $200m in Facebook IPO says he was offered oral sex every day for the rest of his life for $2m. You should really have a talk with your Mom  (dailymail.co.uk) (144)
(Oregon Live) Caturday Going from life on the streets as a feral to being a Blue Ribbon winner is not easy - but as Tank the cat will tell you, it's a long way to the top if you wanna rock 'n roll on Caturday  (oregonlive.com) (lots)


Fri February 10, 2012
(AZCentral) Stupid Charles Barkley is unhappy with the decision to make Steve Nash the oldest point guard ever to play in the NBA All-Star game. "Clearly, we gave him a lifetime achievement award"  (azcentral.com) (24)


Thu February 09, 2012
(io9) Sappy Real life "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs." Everybody, AWWWWWWWWWW  (io9.com) (5)
(ESPN) Cool Duke sucks the life out of Carolina  (sports.espn.go.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Asinine Angry dad de-lifes couple for defriending his daughter on Facebook  (charlotte.cbslocal.com) (145)


Wed February 08, 2012
(NBC San Diego) Dumbass Sports-talk host refers to ex-WNBA player as a 'beast', 'monster' and 'sasquatch of a woman. "I cannot confirm for you that she has been a woman her entire life." Unemploymentarity ensues  (nbcsandiego.com) (56)
(Haaretz) Dumbass 1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard of in my life That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage  (haaretz.com) (50)


Mon February 06, 2012
(Entertainment Weekly) Cool "How Star Wars changed my life, altered my view of good and evil, and ensured I'd be a virgin until 30"  (popwatch.ew.com) (66)


Thu February 02, 2012
(Break) Sappy Another one of those touching Thai life insurance commercials. What a drag  (break.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Interesting Teen boy who had sex with his 36-year-old fitness trainer tells a judge his life is ruined because girls in his class want to date him because he's experienced and boys come to him for sexual advice  (thespectrum.com) (204)
(Daily Mail) Hero Dad hangs on to his son who was clinging for his dear life after slipping from a chairlift, finally dropping him 25ft to rescuers below  (dailymail.co.uk) (119)


Tue January 31, 2012
(io9) Interesting Scientist has either figured out the answer to life, the universe, and everything or is batshiat insane. No one knows for sure yet  (io9.com) (79)
(Stuff.co.nz) Strange Why not spice up your stale sex life with some hot threesomes between you, your husband and your 15 year old cousin? Apart from the court case and the awkward family dinners of course  (stuff.co.nz) (70)


Mon January 30, 2012
(Courier Mail) Sad Another Club Med closes, narrowing the list of vacation destinations for balding, hairy-backed men hoping to get invited to a swinger party as they wander about the beach sucking down pina coladas while in the full throes of a mid-life crisis  (couriermail.com.au) (42)
(BBC) Followup CEO of government-owned bank decides he doesn't need that £963,000 bonus after all, would rather not go through life with everyone in the country hating his guts  (bbc.co.uk) (40)
(TechEBlog) Amusing Yeah, that COULD be the coolest Diablo costume ever... Or it could doom the wearer to a lifetime of virginity  (techeblog.com) (37)
(Daily Mail) Interesting 88-year-old former Marine reveals his life as a Hollywood rentboy. Nailed Katharine Hepburn and had orgies with every celeb of the 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's. Semper Fi bro, you're now my hero times two  (dailymail.co.uk) (109)


Sun January 29, 2012
(Science Daily) Interesting Life found on dead hydrothermal vents. Which makes them not so dead, Mr. Science-Pants  (sciencedaily.com) (22)

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