Headlines matching 'king'
Mon May 28, 2012
Sun May 27, 2012
Sat May 26, 2012
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Body found floating in Nova Scotia river stuffed in hockey bag. If this story was any more Canadian, it would be leaking maple syrup (ctv.ca)
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Glitz, kitsch, human rights violations, a pack of Russian grandmothers, more cheese than a tailgate party at Lambeau Field, politicized voting, and Engelbert farking Humperdinck. It must be time for your 2012 Eurovision Song Contest thread (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Officer, you have the wrong house. There is NO armed robber here. My family is cooking dinner. Can we PLEASE go back inside and turn the stove off before a fire starts?" (wiod.com)
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Eminem now working on a new solo record that threatens to be as massive as Marilyn Manson's comeback album (music-mix.ew.com)
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Mitt Romney says teachers are wrong that smaller class sizes help children, also needs your help to find door through maze of desks and drooling kids looking for the overworked teacher curled up in the corner sobbing (philly.com)
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You're 17, looking after your little sister after your parents cut and ran, working two jobs and pulling honors grades. You deserve jail time for missing too much school. Tag is for girl (cbsatlanta.com)
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1982 Sci-Fi Convention "Blade Runner" behind the scenes short film you've never seen. Bonus: Syd Mead discussing how the parking meters he designed would electrocute anyone trying to tamper with them (youtube.com)
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Vatican police investigating leaking of confidential documents come to the obvious conclusion. The butler did it (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Professor complains that crosses on state university entrance tower violate the separation of church and state. Good Christians respond as Jesus would, by stalking, online harassment, death threats, and firing her from her job (au.org)
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Fri May 25, 2012
Thu May 24, 2012
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Actor Alec Baldwin is just asking questions about Andrew Breitbart's death (twitchy.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The school district's public information officer wants you to know that's not the vajayjay you're looking at (wsoctv.com)
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If you're looking for a job that pays over $76,000 a year, head to the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport, where you get paid that for chasing birds off the runway (sun-sentinel.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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A vintage look back at the long lost era of Vaudeville and burlesque performers. Midgets were exploited during the making of these photos (awesome-robo.com)
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Rep. Peter King (R-NY) is concerned upcoming film about the death of bin Laden will be too pro-Obama and not give proper credit to Bush's tax cuts and Sarah Palin's bear rug (breitbart.com)
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Stand aside King Krunk, there is another contender for the crown (dailymail.co.uk)
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Six months in the life of a woman "caught up" in the cycle of poverty. "She took the test - and failed. But rather than study and take it again, she shrugged it off. 'I guess I am not working for a reason,' she said" (latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Teen suspended. News: for faking suicide. Fark: in class project video on bullying (wiod.com)
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Scientists now looking to find evidence of extraterrestrials by using amateur astronomers, snipe hunters (foxnews.com)
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The twenty lamest-looking villains from all of Star Trek. Pretty accurate list, but it's missing the Borg and Suliban (toplessrobot.com)
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Apple's Sir Jony Ive: "What we're working on now feels like the most important and the best work we've done, which of course I can't tell you about" (abcnews.go.com)
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Nut Liquor is pretty good except it sometimes feels like it's sticking to the roof of your mouth (blog.seattlepi.com)
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Not sure what is more Farking awesome: (1) High school student Tebowing on stage during his graduation (2) School withholds his diploma, orders him to clean school gym (3) Cleaning the gym was his mom's idea (myfoxdc.com)
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Wed May 23, 2012
Tue May 22, 2012
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Free pizza on June 5 but only if you order it in Spanish. Some people have a problem with that. "In public areas, people should be speaking English, and that includes pizza parlors" (usatoday.com)
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Will the Coyotes fight off elimination again, or will the LA Kings score a record 8th straight playoff road win and the conference crown? 9pm ET (espn.go.com)
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Fruit truck experiences an explosion of flavor, Starbuck inconsolable as Vermont bans fracking, and Lindsay Lohan's rented bolthole: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/13 - 5/19 (fark.com)
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Candidate promises to smoke a joint on the steps of Capitol Hill to draw attention to the, uh..., the, uh...yeah...the thing. That thing thing there that he was talking about. You know, that thing (politico.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Attorney's "DWI DUDE" vanity plate request rejected. ASS MAN seen smirking (1035superx.com)
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MN teen sets state record for striking out five people in one inning, is promptly signed by the Twins and will face White Sox tonight (sports.yahoo.com)
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GOP, "We stand with Cory Booker". Cory Booker, "If you stand with me, stand with me on marriage equality, making healthcare more accessible, making college more affordable, and women's issues." GOP-- crickets (msnbc.msn.com)
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People on the internet are dicks. Speaking of which, what's happening, politics tab? (jalopnik.com)
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Not news: Grandma lets granddaughter test drive her car. Fark: 10-year old granddaughter hits three cars in a McDonald's parking lot (boston.com)
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| (argus) |
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If you plan on lifting weights after drinking, don't be surprised if EMT workers are called in to move the dumbbell (theargus.co.uk)
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As much as we'd all like to, you can't slap a 10-year-old so hard he gets a bloody nose and loses a tooth just because he's talking during a movie (seattlepi.com)
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Police remind mother that bringing your child to work should also include taking them out of the car (chicagotribune.com)
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"Game of Thrones" videogames suck, so try spiking these mods on your walls instead (kotaku.com)
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The main thrust of the GOP campaign against Obama is that Romney has better ideas on how to fix the economy. So, let's check the polls and see how that is working out..oh, dear. Um...okay, so what's Plan B? (washingtonpost.com)
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| (mdj online) |
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After taking a public relations beating over their service dog policy, Popeye's decides to roll over (mdjonline.com)
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Hottie fired for looking too sexy on the job... at a lingerie manufacturer... owned by Orthodox Jews (nydailynews.com)
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First video from the third season of The Walking Dead (io9.com)
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The first half of the final season of Breaking Bad will begin airing on July 15th and end sometime in September, meaning we'll have to wait an agonizing ten months for resolution (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Mon May 21, 2012
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Grantland's MLB Rankings, Week 7. "You can't call it East Coast bias if AL and NL East teams are categorically better" (grantland.com)
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Conservative donors are conservative when it comes to backing Romney (cnbc.com)
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| (Some Drunk) |
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Northern KY group worried about teenagers sitting around drinking during summer vacation. Their solution, various levels of ramped up helicopter parenting. Completely missing from the list, make them get off the couch & get a job (wcpo.com)
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| (The Blaze) |
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In today's social studies lesson, we will learn how you can get arrested for talking trash about our Dear Leader. With audio goodness (theblaze.com)
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Chelsea fans hit streets of London, throw celery at new kings of Europe (dailymail.co.uk)
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Over 40,000 ultra-orthodox Jews rally at Citi Field to discuss the dangers of the internet. Event still brings in better looking women than the average Mets game (nytimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The elephant is drinking water from the river Denial (carrollcountytimes.com)
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Even Mitt Romney's mighty super PAC has fallen on hard economic times. Well, relatively speaking (politico.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Blue's clues. Looking for clues about Blue. Put up posters looking for looking for Blue's clues. Get called by someone with a clue about Blue. Get robbed for the reward money (actionnewsjax.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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This list of failed food products will make you long for the days when Crystal Pepsi was king, and you could have one with your Arch Deluxe in the styrofoam container (thedailymeal.com)
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This week The Economist writes about hostage-taking by billionaires, or, as it's more commonly known, American football (economist.com)
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Stephen Colbert's 'Super Fun PAC' gag is no joke when it comes to making him money (politico.com)
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Sun May 20, 2012
Sat May 19, 2012
Fri May 18, 2012
Thu May 17, 2012
Wed May 16, 2012
| (Some Guy) |
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Problem 1: Minor girls drinking in your bar. Problem 2: Cops are walking in. Solution: Stick them in the kitchen, tell cops they're your cooks. Problem 3: They don't know how to start the grill (wlfi.com)
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When even Forbes thinks that Wall Street commercial banking needs a leash and a muzzle, it probably needs a leash and a muzzle (forbes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man, who obviously has never seen porn before, gets slashy at public library on another man for not looking at porn (nbcnewyork.com)
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Uwe Boll interview. Oliver Stone is "that farking prick". Mission Impossible 4 is "completely stupid". Complains that "a lot of people just didn't watch my serious movies with an objective eye" (denofgeek.com)
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Buffalo detectives solve 1994 murder after finally realizing that the guy who "found" the dismembered corpse in his yard had spent the last forty years racking up convictions for raping and killing his way across New York (buffalonews.com)
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Scientists discover earth-like planet emitting infared glow. Still striking out on that whole warp-drive thing (scientificamerican.com)
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How many times do I have to say this? If you run an unsecured Wifi network called "pedodave69" you are are only asking for trouble; especially if you are a retired FBI agent (cnn.com)
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Usually making faces in the subway would get you punched in the nose (nytimes.com)
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| (The Restart Page) |
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Computer restarts from days gone by, all for your clicking pleasure. Christ, I'm old (therestartpage.com)
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Smoking Hot/Ex-IDF/KILLER Smile/ *wrecks* a drum kit. I present to you, Meytal Cohen. Let the kittens hit the floor, Let the kittens hit the floor, LET the KITTENS Hit the FLOOR, LET THE KITTENS HIT THE, FLOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR (youtube.com)
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After getting caught shoplifting an 18 pack of Bud Light from a store, man admits to the cops that it was "a bad decision." No word if he's talking about the act of stealing or the type of beer he stole (nwfdailynews.com)
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Hey, Britney Spears, what's shaking? Oh... well, asked and answered, I guess (thesun.co.uk)
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Tue May 15, 2012
Mon May 14, 2012
Sun May 13, 2012
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Dear Los Angeles Farkers, If you're hiking this weekend in the hills above Burbank, and you come across an armed and suicidal FBI agent, give me a call, I seem to have misplaced mine, thank you -- Janet (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man gets 10 years for 19th DUI. With good behavior, he'll be working on number 20 in five years (fox8.com)
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Is the City of Angels becoming SportsTown USA or will the Kings gets bit by the Coyotes. Game 1, 8pm ET, NBCS/TSN (sports.yahoo.com)
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New released behind-the-scenes photos from Empire Strikes Back, like Leia making out with a Gamorrean guard. You know, like in that porn fanfic you wrote (dailymail.co.uk)
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Beauty pageant officials strip Miss Fiji of crown for not looking native enough. There's got to be something in the water (news.com.au)
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Happy Mothers Day: Frank Zappa and The Mothers ~ KING KONG; Live on BBC, 1968 (youtube.com)
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Court rules that guy can sue hospital for "excruciating pain and trauma" when a worker tripped on a hose, yanking a catheter from his penis (losangeles.cbslocal.com)
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Sat May 12, 2012
Fri May 11, 2012
Thu May 10, 2012
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Thieves go meta, hijack truck containing books about a truck hijacking (courier-journal.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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From what I can gather, illegal immigrants are suing because they can't have guns, and it's making women cry. (bonus: Derptastic reader comments) (mega949.com)
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American think tank suing OPEC because they "intentionally limit barrels of oil that each country produces, causing the price to rise". The world is stunned, STUNNED by this shocking discovery (wnd.com)
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| (Columbia Journalism Review) |
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You know something is askew when the trust fund liberals at Columbia University start taking note of media bias (cjr.org)
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When looking to sell your counterfeit cash and the printing machine you made it with, a) don't go to a pawn shop, and b) if you do, don't sign a release and agree to be on the shop's reality show (clickondetroit.com)
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Why yes, Jon Stewart is taking The Daily Show on the road in August to warm, sunny Florida. I wonder why he'd do that? (610wiod.com)
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After months of campaigning on social issues, Romney upset that reporters keep asking about social issues. "Aren't there issues of significance that you'd like to talk about?" (thedailybeast.com)
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Thank you for banking with sh*ty bank (money.cnn.com)
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India Central Bank scrambles to pick up the blinking rupee (cnbc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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To the untrained ear, Barkley was making a playful jab. But to the expert that is earus teabagus, one hears the truth: Charles Barkley wants to kill the next POTUS and rape his children, because they're white (godfatherpolitics.com)
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When your cab's taking too long to arrive do you a) keep waiting patiently, b) call another cab, or c) jump on a moving train (cbc.ca)
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That guy next to you on the subway, shaking his leg like he's trying to remove dog crap on his shoe? Not to worry, he's just texting his wife he's running late for dinner (news.cnet.com)
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Wed May 09, 2012
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Apparently, the idea of making misbehaving students wear those cone thingies that dogs wear so they don't chew themselves to death hasn't gotten old for teachers in Florida. Dug surrenders (wtsp.com)
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Josh Beckett was golfing with Clay Buchholz just two days before he missed s start due to muscle stiffness. But at least he wasn't eating chicken and drinking beer (espn.go.com)
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"The answer is I don't sit around twiddle-farking my life away, playing video games, watching TV or movies, which is what a lot of those guys waste their time doing" - says some guy building his own car (jalopnik.com)
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Ke$ha working with Iggy Pop on second album. How can you tell them apart? (gigwise.com)
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Breaking down the most annoying, drunk and stupid types of sports fans (here's looking at you, soccer snob) (bleacherreport.com)
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One more reason to hate the great Pacific garbage patch: It's become a massive breeding ground for scary-looking water bugs (mnn.com)
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Endangered jaguars are making endangered sea turtles even more endangered (earthtimes.org)
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| (Some SMRT guy) |
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Eastern Michigan University sees 12.4% increase in students taking remedial courses. Wait, almost HALF of them? That's unpossible (annarbor.com)
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Today is Howard Carter's 138th birthday. Egyptians celebrate by breaking into his tomb (en.wikipedia.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pissed off that Spirit is getting all the good headlines, Delta calls cops on VoIP user making a VoIP call above 10,000 feet on Delta's inflight wifi service (thenextweb.com)
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Because a mountain lion attacking your campground isn't [scary] enough, let's give that mountain lion rabies (azcentral.com)
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Tue May 08, 2012
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Working outside can KILL YOU (cnsnews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're underage and drinking alcohol, be sure to drink enough so you won't get in trouble (939mia.com)
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| (CBS DC) |
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Not news: Woman wearing a burka kicked out of Romney campaign event. Farking news: It was actually an Obama event (washington.cbslocal.com)
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Historians find first evidence of a cult in Judah, also known as Judea, at the time of King David. Sadly, they can't agree if it should be called the "Judean People's Front" or the "People's Front of Judea" (sciencedaily.com)
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On this day in 1886, someone looking for a pain reliever instead found the recipe for the most disgusting pop on the market, Coke (wired.com)
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Rick Santorum finally issues his ringing, well, chiming perhaps, or really more of a reluctant clanking, "endorsement" of Mitt Romney saying he's the lesser of the two evils so maybe you should vote for him (news.yahoo.com)
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Vikings release their highest scorer, because clearly there's something wrong with him if he's willing to be a part of such a spectacular failure (espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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How does NASA deal with a UFO coverup conspiracy charge? By taking away all those cool toys the public gets to play with (news.gather.com)
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Asshat starts chanting "choke, choke" while a girl is choking on a piece of food. Guess who got arrested? (nwfdailynews.com)
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Scientists solve mystery of boulders that move when no one's looking. Captain, over here - I found something. AAAAAAAAH (livescience.com)
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Apparently unsatisfied with killing the photographer from the coroner's office, Obama's minions have now caused a witness to Breitbart's death to disappear. Either that or the guy just stopped taking calls from Wingnut Daily (wnd.com)
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Mon May 07, 2012
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Russian man almost dies living in the woods for a month rather than eat his wife's cooking (dailymail.co.uk)
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Who will Ovie try to break in half tonight? Will the Coyotes win on the ice AND off? It's the "Can we stop talking about ownership BS?" edition of your Stanley Cup Playoffs thread (WAS-NYR 7:30pm, NSH-PHX 10pm) (tsn.ca)
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Acupuncture, hypnosis effective in getting people to quit smoking, according to the Bureau of I've Never Done a Double Blind Study In My Life (news.yahoo.com)
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MLB power rankings. Come for the Orioles at #3, stay for the four NL Central teams in the bottom 10 (grantland.com)
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"Tanning mom" reaction to SNL skit mocking her: "It was well done". Agreed (big1059.com)
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A cosmetic company is suing Kris Jenner for having the audacity to get a facelift while hawking their miracle products. #cakeandeatittoo (bittenandbound.com)
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Astronomers find a cluster of galaxies 12.7 *billion* light years away. Seriously, that's Farking amazing (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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| (IBD) |
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Right-wing blogodome outrage du jour for Monday, May 7: Obama congratulated newly elected French President Francois Hollande after his victory yesterday instead of nuking Paris and killing Jerry Lewis (news.investors.com)
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Caption what these two billionaires are thinking (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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The Avengers worked, because it didn't just shrug and say "Summer movie, it can be completely farking stupid." Avengers 2 to include Black Vulcan and Apache Chief (warning: spoilers) (aggrogate.com)
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| (Some NBA Guy) |
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Disoriented woman who had been banned from the Pepsi Center for stalking Kenyon Martin, wanders out onto the court during Lakers-Nuggets playoff game, wins Denver's sixth-man award (lastangryfan.com)
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Police use sloppy parking as pretext for drug bust, lose case because parking over the line is not a crime in Maryland (thenewspaper.com)
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| (Some Red Bull) |
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The Chinese have done it again. This time, it's performance enhancing drugs delivered IV to students taking finals (ministryoftofu.com)
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Sun May 06, 2012
Sat May 05, 2012
Fri May 04, 2012
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There is nothing like a freshly-lightning-struck scrotum - it's breathtaking (gizmodo.com)
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| (Some TFette) |
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TFette is asking the good people of Fark for a little bit of help, for a good cause (elkhartcancer.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're thinking of pairing the same beer with goat cheese and gorgonzola, think again (frugaldad.com)
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Annual review by the Arizona state government shows that privatized prisons are actually costing the state more than state run prisons while lacking in actual security. Incensed by this, state legislators take bold action...by ending the study (dailykos.com)
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The designer of the London tube map turned cartography on its head...breaking all design rules...the map is now one of the most iconic images in the world (humansinvent.com)
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The mystery of dark-skinned pacific islanders with natural blond hair has been solved genetically, and no, it doesn't have anything to do with a shipful of Vikings getting very lost (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Kingsport Times News) |
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Steps to quit smoking: 1) handcuff yourself tightly, 2) drop pants, 3) lose key, 4) call 911 (timesnews.net)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Italians are working on anesthesia-free brain surgery or "divorce" as we call it here in the States (worldcrunch.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Maine convent is looking for young women who enjoy eating by candlelight, long walks on the water (onlineathens.com)
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Your chance to become Lord Farkington of Dangly Nads is now here, complete with village and pub, for only a couple of million bucks (dailymail.co.uk)
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Thu May 03, 2012
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Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul film first promo for Breaking Bad's fifth season, and yes, it's the cruelest kind of tease imaginable (warmingglow.uproxx.com)
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County Coroner in trouble for cracking open a few cold ones and then showing up at a crime scene (wishtv.com)
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OPEC almost maintains straight face as it claims it is working hard to bring oil prices down (finance.yahoo.com)
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| (Miami New Times) |
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Florida mansion where famous porn flick "Deep Throat" was filmed is now for sale; current asking price seems a little hard to swallow, but may eventually go down (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)
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British bouncers checking drinkers' Facebook profiles to verify their identities, sluttiness (bbc.co.uk)
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Bicyclists outraged by sign asking them to share the road too (seacoastonline.com)
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Hot Nashville Predator's ice girl scoops up a catfish off the ice last night. If you're looking at the fish to see if it's alive you're doing it wrong. (w/ video) (sports.yahoo.com)
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Hey you 99%ers that are railing against the rich Wall Street bastards that make up the evil 1%. You're barking up the wrong tree (townhall.com)
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Popular restaurant often used to host political fund-raisers hasn't paid its utility bills since opening. The city has been "mistakenly" picking up the tab instead. "There is no inside job" says the restaurant owner (philly.com)
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| (FrogSoda) |
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Normally it's the one who drinks the six beers that ends up taking off their pants (frogsoda.com)
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Looking for unique venue to hold your kid's birthday party? Look no farther than your local funeral home. "We've done a bridal shower, a baby shower, a surprise birthday party" (firstcoastnews.com)
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| (South Bend Tribune) |
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Lack of speed and poor decision-making causes a candidate to drop out of the 4-man competition for ND quarterback (southbendtribune.com)
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Sir Mervyn King admits that the financial crisis has indeed a single cause - deregulation of banks. No worries dear chap, your successor will surely make everything hunky dory (guardian.co.uk)
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Connecticut becomes the 49th state to allow the sale of alcohol on Sundays. In other news the State of Minnesota is struggling to figure how to finance a stadium for the Minnesota Vikings (huffingtonpost.com)
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Robert Pattinson To Star As Saddam Hussein Interrogator, already working on his moustache (contactmusic.com)
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New study finds obese women face serious job discrimination unless they can wear a Viking helmet and sing "Ride of the Valkyries" (foxnews.com)
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Blood tests aren't always 100% accurate - but when the crazy looking guy with the blood-filled syringe says it's tainted with AIDS, just take his word for it (w/ mugshot) (myfoxdc.com)
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Italian soccer coach fired for attacking his own player over sarcasm on sideline. Bet that player totally learned his lesson (smh.com.au)
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A story about parking missiles over your house should make you stroppy but the words "War Blimp" are just too giggle-inducing (gizmodo.com)
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"This is my first experience with an animal, other than taking care of my dog Sparky," Dr. Warren says. "So, I'm branching out a little bit" (wrcbtv.com)
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After five years, taxi driver suddenly decides to tell the world's media he remembers taking missing girl in the back of his car (with bonus pic of him pointing to precisely where she sat) (dailystar.co.uk)
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| (Fox Sports Local) |
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Brewers now looking for replacement for Prince Fielder's replacement. Tag is for Mat Gamel's knee (foxsportswisconsin.com)
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Google is making a huge and annoying mistake: Pissing off Wil Wheaton (gizmodo.com)
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Wed May 02, 2012
Tue May 01, 2012
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Stephen King on rich people: "The majority would rather douse their dicks with lighter fluid, strike a match, and dance around singing "Disco Inferno" than pay one more cent in taxes" (thedailybeast.com)
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With the rest of the world resting the Devils went down to Philly, looking for a win to steal....Not in a bind but they were one behind and looking to make a deal. Devils at Flyers, 7:30PM ET (nhl.com)
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The bucket-list baby is done checking items off of her bucket list. Sad tag trumps Followup (toronto.ctv.ca)
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President Jed Bartlet and the cast of The West Wing reunite for a silly pro-walking PSA (funnyordie.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's 1am. Do you know where your child is? If you said "in the hospital with a gunshot wound after breaking into the school", come and get him (mega949.com)
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The Occupy protests taking place today have a long and illustrious history, as this video from the glorious 1950 May Day parade illustrates so well. Pay no mind to the genocidal dictator on the reviewing stand (youtube.com)
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John Lovitz has become the latest ex-SNL cast member to suffer from a debilitating condition that turns them bitter, unfunny and politically conservative. Scientists are calling it "Dennis Miller Syndrome" (news.yahoo.com)
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Merchants complain that new lightweight Canadian $1 and $2 coins are making vending machines go loonie (marketwatch.com)
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When you boil everything down, the real reason the GOP and its talking heads are upset with Obama's bin Laden ad is simple: he's using their playbook. And it's working. Ric Romero nods in agreement (thedailybeast.com)
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In a shocking do-it-yourself article, you may be using the wrong extension cord (gizmodo.com)
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Instead of making a crappy movie based on fake events, why didn't Hollywood use a real story of Edgar Allan Poe's art being imitated by life? (ramblingbeachcat.com)
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Where is the mainstream media's coverage of the shocking "memo" issued by nine state attorneys general detailing 21 specific violations of law by the Obama administration? (townhall.com)
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| (Myrtle Beach Online) |
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Man attending anger management classes assaults his two children, girlfriend and another woman after learning the kids were taking a bath (myrtlebeachonline.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Best. Farking. Rain Delay. EVER (klkntv.com)
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Mon April 30, 2012
Sun April 29, 2012
Sat April 28, 2012
Fri April 27, 2012
Thu April 26, 2012
Wed April 25, 2012
Tue April 24, 2012
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Crayfish study shows that neurological changes can occur due to social status. Granted, you'd change neurologically if someone were sucking on your head, too (sciencedaily.com)
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The Top 10 craziest fights in NBA history: The Punch, Will Smith checking Nash into the boards, Metta Ron-Ron World Peacetest, and 'Melo suckerpunching a cat then moonwalking like Jacko made the list (guardian.co.uk)
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Right-wing blogodome outrage du jour for Tuesday, April 24: Michelle Obama sweated while filming an exercise segment in the East Room of the White House, thus disrespecting the role of FLOTUS and making us look weak in the eyes of the Soviets (breitbart.com)
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Shaky ceasefire holds in Syrian city of Hama, if by 'shaky' you mean attacking neighborhoods with tanks, mortar fire and artillery (aljazeera.com)
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Rays minor leaguers to get more wood on it, really start spanking the balls once Hideki Matsui and his massive porn collection arrive in Durham (tampabay.com)
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Kansas City Royals lose 11 in a row; move up 4 spots in this weeks MLB Power Rankings (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)
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| (Some Neuter) |
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Common: Parking lot dispute settled by a fight. Not common: To the death. Fark: By "squeezing his testicles" (arbroath.blogspot.com)
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Old and busted: Planking. New teen stupidness: Skywalking (mnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Working in a brewery must be pretty cool. Except for the exploding kegs, of course (wmur.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Smoking hot wife and lawyer husband watched too many "naughty baby sitter" vids and rape the sitter. Wife still on the loose and is wanted by cops, Vivid Video (wistv.com)
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Dangers of walking and talking on cellphones include walking into mall water fountains...walking into traffic...walking into sinkholes. Wait...what? (msnbc.msn.com)
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If you're trying to trick Planned Parenthood using phony pregnant women seeking gender-based abortions, they're on to you (huffingtonpost.com)
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Mon April 23, 2012
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"The Avengers" is tracking 96% on Rotten Tomatoes. HULK SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH ARTHOUSE CRITICS (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)
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| (CBS) |
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You can't put lipstick on a pig, but you *can* put food in a working stove based on Sarah Palin's head (chicago.cbslocal.com)
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From the 'well that didn't take long' department, John Huntsman is already backing down on his comparison between the GOP and Communist China (latimes.com)
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Assistant principal, teacher, college access advisor, registrar, and three guidance counselors suspended from school for drinking. While on the senior trip. On a cruise. In the Bahamas (wrcbtv.com)
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Londoners aren't looking forward to the Olympics due to the increase of traffic, influx of foreigners and opportunist thieves. Submitter can't imagine what a busy, crime riddled London full of foreigners would be like (guardian.co.uk)
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Cynthia McKinney has returned home looking for her old Congressional seat, and is willing to capsize incumbent Hank Johnson to get it (ajc.com)
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Two men arrested after setting deadly booby traps on popular hiking trail. When asked for a motive one suspect said: "They drew first blood, not me" (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sun April 22, 2012
Sat April 21, 2012
Fri April 20, 2012
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"I think the Vikings are probably going to be around for another year or so" (startribune.com)
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Two guys have invented an affordable way for anyone to lucid dream with ease -- and look snazzy in the process. Subby is actually farking from his sleep (wptv.com)
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Bill O'Reilly on why Glee is going to turn kids gay: "When I was a teenager and I saw James Dean smoking, it made me want to smoke" (mediamatters.org)
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In a world where America fights to remain in front: Talking pineapple question on state exam stumps Students, Teachers and Principals (nydailynews.com)
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| (Some Not Democrat) |
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The Democrats' 2012 major taking point: We're not Republicans. No, really. That's it (powerlineblog.com)
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The answer to this question headline isn't merely "no", but "you've got to be farking kidding me" (news.yahoo.com)
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Sarah Palin comments on the Secret Service scandal. Of course, when she's not objectifying the First Lady or painting the entire protection detail with a broad brush, she's joking about how Barack Obama eats dogs (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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In the most heartbreaking entertainment news you'll hear all day, John Cusack drops out of James Cameron's "Aquaman" (showbizspy.com)
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The fastest state to execute murderers isn't the one you were thinking of, is it? (cbsnews.com)
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One of the Secret Service agents in the middle of the Colombian prostitution scandal was part of Sarah Palin's detail, and he often joked about checking her out (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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HTC to announce that since October, its Android phones have been shipping with ad-blockers turned on by default, making ad-impression measurements of market share meaningless. Yeah, that's the ticket (electronista.com)
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Thu April 19, 2012
| (Beaver County Times) |
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New addition to bucket list: being arrested for 'risking a catastrophe' (timesonline.com)
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New iPhone may contain Liquidmetal, have an app for tracking Sarah Connor (wired.com)
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Hindu God Ganesh, minus two of his arms, mysteriously turns up in museum parking lot after owner pays some guy to dispose of it. The Simpsons did not do this one yet (ca.news.yahoo.com)
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California teens hack into school computers to change attendance records. Next up: Getting keys to Cameron's dad's Ferrari, picking up Sloane Peterson (duluthnewstribune.com)
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Republican Senate candidate says smoking bans are like Hitler forcing Jews to wear the Star of David. Why yes, he is from a big tobacco state, how did you know? (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Auto-parts shortage threatens Detroit as commentators fail to note that you can get all kinds of parts just by following an American-built car and picking them off the road as they fall off (northjersey.com)
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It would take the average person 30 entire working days a year to read the privacy policies of the sites they visit every day (npr.org)
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Study says soccer is like sex for fans (including the acceptance of faking it and flopping) (msn.foxsports.com)
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Looking for a vacation destination sure to provoke awkward silences from you and uncomfortable questions from your kids? The be sure to visit Michigan's newest attraction: The Jim Crow Museum of Racist Memorabilia (news.yahoo.com)
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If you're satisfied, you're happy - I'm happy - it's like, you're 16, you're 18, you're 21 then - POW - you're 39 with a suitcase full of chocolate - damn this is taking forever - I hope I get a window seat (myfoxdc.com)
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| (Beyond the Wall) |
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The GoT Season 2 drinking game: Take a sip of wine every time Joffrey acts like a d-bag? This is going to get expensive (thatsnerdalicious.com)
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We need a nice looking, friendly, not too dark black guy to play the role - oh, and, by uh, 'not too dark' we mean an African-American who is more comfortable with comedic roles rather than dramatic rol...okay we messed up (myfoxdc.com)
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The market value of a Ph.D. in chemistry is now limited to asking 'Would you like fries with that?" On the positive side, chemistry students are bumping the hell out of English majors in the paper-hat careers (blogs.scientificamerican.com)
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Democratic strategist to Tea Partier live on Fox News "You don't know what the F**K you are talking about" (youtube.com)
|
Wed April 18, 2012
Tue April 17, 2012
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And in this corner, taking on Thin Crust and Deep Dish, is Montanara Fried Pizza. Calm, rational discussions about which is best over to the right (nytimes.com)
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♪ I got picked in the draft about number two ♫ And I yelled to the reporters, "Yo guys, got stuff to do" ♪ Looked at my kingdom I was ready you see ♫ To sit on my throne as the Prince of DC ♪ (washingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark-ready Headline: Barking man cited for noise violation Bonus: "Some people call me the holy lamb of God" (onlineathens.com)
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The whole damn village is sick and tired of F*cking (thesun.co.uk)
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| (TSP) |
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Ball State student who was attacking his girlfriend gets a surprise when she shows him the one thing she learned at Ball State (thestarpress.com)
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The world braces for more clasico fever, the greatest soccer match ever..Real Madrid and Barcelona's titanic duel to be crowned kings of Spain, a potential decider for the championship and a new duel between Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo (eitb.com)
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| (msnbc) |
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IRS to Lionel Richie: Hello, it's you we're looking for (todayentertainment.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Photoshop this scientist speaking about a satellite (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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Twenty-eight-year-old man claims he has just become aware that he was circumcised, wants $1000 in compensatory damages from the hospital that circumcised him, is looking for tips to pursue his case (huffingtonpost.com)
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Mon April 16, 2012
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After years of craving giant breasts, America's looking for more meat down below, if you know what I mean, and I think you do (finance.yahoo.com)
|
| (13 WMAZ) |
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Police in Milledgeville, GA arrest a six-year-old girl for simple assault and property damage after knocking over a shelf in a school tantrum that injured the principal. Thank god that monster is off our streets (13wmaz.com)
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Research finds a strong correlation between body art (piercings and/or tattoos) and unsafe sex, fighting, heavy drinking, and participating in completely obvious studies (news.com.au)
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| (The Columbian) |
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The Columbian's "Talking Points" column picks FARK's clever headline about the St. Louis Cardinals World Series ring as their top sports buzz of the week (1st section) (columbian.com)
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| (KTXL Sacramento) |
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No matter how much fun it might sound like, you can't just go around punching your roommates while they're sleeping, then taking a walk around town while naked (fox40.com)
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In today's Daily Double, this once popular punishment for children is now being sought out by powerful adult women. [bzzzt] What is spanking, Alex? (thedailybeast.com)
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BREAKING: Hillary Clinton has a good time (washingtonpost.com)
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Dick Cheney says what we've all been thinking (realclearpolitics.com)
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Ye olde lolcats. Even in the 1870s people were obsessed with taking bizarre photos of their pets. Ceiling cat looks down in approval (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sun April 15, 2012
Sat April 14, 2012
Fri April 13, 2012
Thu April 12, 2012
| |
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Obama blasphemes Holy St. Reagan, says the modern GOP would denounce him as a "wild-eyed, socialist, tax-hiking class warrior". Which is ridiculous because Reagan wasn't black (news.yahoo.com)
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The material of the future is human hair. Just imagine drinking from a cup made with your wife's golden locks...not only is it sustainable, but also biodegradable. And it is being launched (humansinvent.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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L.A. Kings drop the best hockey troll since the kid with the "Chelios, you're uglier than Ricci" sign (twitter.com)
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By the way, here's the dystopian surveillance state that's crept into our lives while we were busy watching clips of kittens frolicking with baby penguins (alternet.org)
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In another blow to Romney's chances in the fall, Barack Obama wins the coveted Michelle Obama endorsement, though there is still hope as Bo is reportedly waiting until the convention to announce who he's backing (abcnews.go.com)
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| (The Daily Dolt) |
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Good news: economy is improving so you can find a job and stop farking around all day. Bad news: Grandma's gonna die. Draw? (thedailydolt.com)
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As it turns out, Fox DID know who the mole was, and has already fired him for leaking damaging secrets about the state of the Fox News bathrooms (abcnews.go.com)
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Shockingly, actual archaelogists and scholars ain't buying the latest claims from the guy who plays an archaeologist on TV and who previously claimed to have found the bodies of Jesus and his wife and child (abcnews.go.com)
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ESPN hottie Michelle Beadle leaving SportsNation for morning TV, taking entire male demographic with her (deadspin.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Students taking too long to clear a hallway and get to their middle school class? C) Pepper Spray (cwarkansas.com)
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President Obama's second-term agenda is the missing piece in his re-election plan. We could start with.. Where are the Farking Jobs? (news.yahoo.com)
|
Wed April 11, 2012
Tue April 10, 2012
Mon April 09, 2012
| |
|
This week's MLB power rankings are out. To celebrate the 100-year anniversary of the Titanic's sinking, this week's rankings feature the Red Sox and Braves (espn.go.com)
|
| (Some Well Done Zombie) |
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New restaurant in Mesa, Arizona to open on Friday the 13th and will offer dinner, drinks and the undead, cooked to your liking (myfoxphoenix.com)
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Hillary Clinton is featured in a new meme, so naturally Talking Points Memo does a story on the "Hillary Resurgence." Don't blame me, I voted for Keyboard Cat (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Why this country is doomed: People are flocking to the Thomas Kinkade "gallery" at their local malls and buying out their mechanically reproduced prints, convinced they will soar in value now that the "artist" has died (news.yahoo.com)
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Studies show conservatives "low-effort" thinking. Well this is obviously false. Conservatives are the elephants and elephants have bigger brains than donkeys (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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"We were just walking down the street and someone shot me. I mean, my friend accidentally shot me with his gun. I mean, with the gun we stole. I mean, while we were robbing people" (1035superx.com)
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Hunger Games surpasses expectations and has now raked in $460 million worldwide, taking the #1 spot at the box office yet again. Meanwhile, American Reunion debuted strong, and people saw Titanic 3D for some reason (deadline.com)
|
Sun April 08, 2012
Sat April 07, 2012
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Thirty years ago, Andy Kaufman battled Jerry "The King" Lawler and even today it is still real to the author dammit. Given all the ruses, the Letterman episode and performance art involved, subby has no clue which tab this goes to (cnn.com)
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Iraq Veteran's Amazing Job: Nick White served his country, first as a Marine, where he saw heavy combat in Iraq, and then as a Secret Service agent. Now he's kicking ass as an entrepreneur (news.yahoo.com)
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Police break apart family by taking their pet away from them, claiming it was "dangerous" to allow the alligator to live in the same house as a baby (desmoinesregister.com)
|
| (Some Slimed Guy) |
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Forget about the zombies, it's jellyfish that are taking over the world (bbc.com)
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| (Some 23-Skidoo) |
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Old-timey soda fountains are making a comeback. Story complete with cute hipster reporter and soda jerk with a handlebar mustache (kare11.com)
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After analyzing octopus non-verbal behavior, scientists able to discover what they are really thinking. Consensus: octopi are dicks (youtube.com)
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Driver of stolen Porsche does donuts in police department parking lot. Steve/Jimmy later takes off for Costa Rica, leaving Fiona behind (eagletribune.com)
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Vet removes golf ball from snake after making the perfect slice (upi.com)
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Awesome: Kid takes a hit taking a penalty shot in lacrosse that would have sent an NFL halfback to the DL. Awesomer: He gets up. Farktastic: He fist-bumps the kid that laid him out (sports.yahoo.com)
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Brea king Bad (avclub.com)
|
Fri April 06, 2012
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Matt Damon casting extras for film described as 'anti-fracking blockbuster' (rawstory.com)
|
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Republicans are now waging war on caterpillars, who are apparently living in the US illegally, not paying taxes, and taking our American jobs and living on welfare (theatlantic.com)
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Wisconsin governor Scott Walker quietly repeals equal pay law, checking one more thing off the Koch brothers' to-do list (huffingtonpost.com)
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Clarence Thomas chides colleagues for asking too many questions. That's the joke (huffingtonpost.com)
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Four women arrested for attacking their waitress after she brought them the wrong lunch order. You'd expect this sort of thing at an Olive Garden, not a Red Lobster (qctimes.com)
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College chess team wins national title and then the coach immediately announces she is leaving for a better deal at another school, and is taking the entire team with her. And you thought SEC football dealings were shady (content.usatoday.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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From an actual police blotter: A man called 911 to report intentionally taking too much medication, not in attempt to commit suicide, but in order to have an "out of body experience." He complained that he is now unable to urinate (flatheadbeacon.com)
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AT&T, Verizon and Sprint are making money selling wiretaps on cellphones. Bonus: Here are the prices they charge (forbes.com)
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Your country's embassy is not the place to turn to if you can't find your false teeth or if you are looking for a dog-minder while you are on holiday (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Good Friday? How do you plan on making this a GREAT Friday? (goodfriday.com)
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Ryan Gosling saves British reporter from being run down by a cab in NYC. So of course, instead of thanking him, the reporter uses the opportunity to criticize America's obsession with celebrity culture and its anti-feminist attitudes (news.yahoo.com)
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Look Who's Stalking Too (gizmodo.com)
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I don't know what parping is, but the mayor of La Toba, Spain has made it illegal, along with farting and picking your nose (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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No matter how good it feels, honking your horn all the time is probably making the traffic worse (asiaone.com)
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Woman looking to fulfill her "cop fantasy" get DUI charge instead (azcentral.com)
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Hot anthropology professor Kat Denning looks at aliens from perspective of scientists, engineers, Trekkers, other nerds. Yes, Stephen Hawking's "Columbus vs. Native Americans" analogy is mentioned, but inexplicably shot down (wired.com)
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Park Service seeking volunteers to fire cannon at Civil War battlefield events in Tennessee and Georgia this year. The catch? They need Union volunteers (wrcbtv.com)
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Scientists grow lung tissue from cystic fibrosis patients' skin in ground-breaking phlegm cell research (boston.com)
|
Thu April 05, 2012
Wed April 04, 2012
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Doctor claims the promoted practice of men regularly checking for signs of testicular cancer has turned Britain's men into 'ball-watching neurotics.' Aw, nuts (metro.co.uk)
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Rep. Steve King wants to bring back "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". For private employers (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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And the most shocking celebrity revelation of 2012 is... Ashley Olsen's retirement from acting to pursue cocaine full-time (thestir.cafemom.com)
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Presenting 21 people who had no idea that the movie Titanic was based on a real event. And shockingly, none of them are named Palin or Simpson (huffingtonpost.com)
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In this week's edition of IS IT RACIST, Burger King pulls a commercial featuring Mary J. Blige rapping about chicken (huffingtonpost.com)
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After night of drinking, man awakens to leg on fire (nj.com)
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One billionaire doesn't like another billionaire's suggestion that billionaires should pay higher taxes. Both agree on sticking it to millionaires, though. Those guys are losers (forbes.com)
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Consumerist readers decide making a game with a crappy ending is worse than destroying America's economy and illegally expelling people from their homes (consumerist.com)
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Not to alarm you, but just by walking into the room you're in right now you stirred up 37 million bacteria (mnn.com)
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Not news: tram de-rails. Holy farking fail: It was the first tram out of the depot after a £100m upgrade (bbc.co.uk)
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If your beloved family pet needs to be put to sleep, taking them for a walk near the Overtoun Bridge in Scotland may be a inexpensive (but extremely traumatic) option (ramblingbeachcat.com)
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When beating ex-girlfriend into signing document to cancel stalking order against you, probably not good idea to submit those papers to court covered with her blood (sltrib.com)
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Mitt Romney runs winPrimary(String location) function on "Maryland", "Wisconsin", and "District of Columbia", making boolean assuredVictory = true (csmonitor.com)
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Protip: If you're a police sergeant you probably shouldn't try to set up a meeting with a prostitute in a neighboring city without first checking to see if that city's police are running an escort sting operation (wtkr.com)
|
Tue April 03, 2012
Mon April 02, 2012
| |
|
Neil deGrasse Tyson informs James Cameron that Rose would not have seen that particular star field floating on a door after Titanic's sinking. Cameron changes it to Tyson's specifications for the 3D rerelease (avclub.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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This is, indeed, the droid you are looking for (hacknmod.com)
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What do you do with a supposedly indestructible phone? Test it by running it over with a freaking Bentley. Yes, there's video (latimes.com)
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| |
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Mitt Romney's son slams "lib media" for mocking George Romney on Mad Men (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Thinking about selling your old XBox 360? Hope you didn't use a credit card with it (zdnet.com)
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Amazon won't be able to offer cheap tablets forever, except that they will, and they'll lose money on them except when they're making money off them (computerworld.com)
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Boom in niche internet dating sites has lead to sites catering to such groups as survivalist, Ayn Rand fans, and even a site to find the druid you are looking for (independent.co.uk)
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Old & busted: Planking, Tebowing and Owling. New hotness: Rex Ryaning, UPSing and Untrained Puppying (hypervocal.com)
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"Hey, sorority girl - when you ask me why America is the greatest country in the world, I don't know what the f*ck you're talking about." It's the trailer for Newsroom, the new HBO show by Aaron Sorkin (thinkprogress.org)
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And if you had "the next business day" down for when Democrats would start making hay about the "Toss old folks and poor kids to the curb" budget passed by the House, step right up (huffingtonpost.com)
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We're taking the jobs that Australians don't want (bbc.co.uk)
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Now that Amazon is able provide customers with cheap and plentiful purple Flavor-Aid, Cool Ranch Doritos and adult diapers, Walmart is taking a closer look at this whole "internet" fad (finance.yahoo.com)
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On Monday, 10 new items will mark Burger King's biggest menu expansion since the chain opened its doors in 1954. Where is your god now? (courant.com)
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| |
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A quantum theory of Romney: By asking Romney how he feels about an issue, you unavoidably affect how he feels about it (nytimes.com)
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Goldman Sachs concedes there are some profitable ventures they're not comfortable with, like online sex trafficking (dailymail.co.uk)
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Women are abandoning the GOP en masse. The truly shocking thing is they've stuck around this long (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
|
Sun April 01, 2012
Sat March 31, 2012
Fri March 30, 2012
Thu March 29, 2012
Wed March 28, 2012
Tue March 27, 2012
| |
|
French researchers use optical cloaking techniques to create what will someday be the world's most high-tech oven mitts (bbc.co.uk)
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Dick Cheney's heart plant surgery, Bob Uecker's statue juuust a bit outside of Miller Park, and a special report from Trevor McSmokingballs: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/18 - 3/24 (fark.com)
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Apparently FEMA made a study to see if Fallout could happen. "If you are thinking about (a city) being wiped off the face of the earth, that's not what happens" (sfgate.com)
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I don't know what you're talking about, so here's a story that uses the absolute worst photo available of each of the Republican candidates (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. Yes, brave Craig Sonner turned about, and gallantly he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat, bravest of the brave, Craig Sonner (huffingtonpost.com)
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New law prohibits Pennsylvania doctors from telling patients what in fracking fluid is causing their cancer (theatlantic.com)
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The artist who created the 'Hope and Change' poster just got his mugshot on The Smoking Gun. So that means Jon McNaughton and Thomas Kinkade get to repaint the Sistine Chapel (thesmokinggun.com)
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Japanese Court to Google: You must turn off your auto-complete feature because this man is offended at what it returns for his name. Google: how do you say "Bite me, you jurisdiction-lacking motherfarkers" in Japanese? (abcnews.go.com)
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ESPN's NFL power rankings, because when isn't it a good time to shiat on the Saints? (espn.go.com)
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Scientists say Vikings who conquered new lands seem to have brought with them armies of mice, SPAM (news.nationalgeographic.com)
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The choking story of rebellion, abuse and shame. The Linda Lovelace story (dailymail.co.uk)
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Derick A. Thoene, 28, walked into Iowa City hall at 11:37 a.m. Thoene allegedly approached the lobby receptionist and said, 'I have your parking attendant in the trunk of my car, do you want him dead or alive?' (press-citizen.com)
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Man arrested for repeatedly flashing people walking around a park and eating a bag of marijuana. Thank god he wasn't wearing a hoodie (press-citizen.com)
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| (Sci_Tech Today) |
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Peking Man fossils that were lost during WWII, while in transit to US for safekeeping, may be buried beneath parking lot in Qinhuangdao China (sci-tech-today.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're tracked down and busted by an 8 year old boy using a tracking app, maybe... just maybe, burglary isn't for you (johnsoncitypress.com)
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Mon March 26, 2012
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With Wrestlemania only six days away, WWE Raw is sure to have big surprises, like Undertaker and Triple H talking for 30 minutes, Rock and Cena talking for 30 minutes, and Jericho revealing CM Punk's brother is Patrick Tribett. 8 PM on USA (bleacherreport.com)
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| (Unicorn Booty) |
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Asking Lesbians, 'Which One is the Man?' is Like Asking, 'Which Chopstick is the Fork?' (unicornbooty.com)
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Ever get a sinking feeling that Venice could be called something else besides "Queen of the Adriatic," the "City of Water," "City of Bridges," "The Floating City," or the "City of Canals"? (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Scientists discover that liberals have no idea what conservatives are thinking. Still no cure for Ron Paul (nytimes.com)
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How Apple products are changing kids' brains (besides making them agreeable to restrictive software development) (money.msn.com)
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I don't know what the hell Deadmau5 is, but it's taking Madonna to task for glorifying drug use (tmz.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"It's deeply ironic that Zynga, the new king of gaming, has its San Francisco offices in those previously inhabited by Atari, the great games king of the 1970s" (timeslive.co.za)
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It's a full slate of EPL games, kicking off with a huge dogfight between Tottenham and Chelsea and finishing Monday with Manchester United vs Fulham at 3PM EST (soccernet.espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"As in real life, there are a few cucumbers on the road." Stupid farking cucumbers (au.eurosport.com)
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"Give me a Dalek any day." Doctor Who arrives in the Wild West in farking excellent new trailer (shortlist.com)
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Sun March 25, 2012
Sat March 24, 2012
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Never before has such a large amount of parallel parking fail been squeezed into such a little car (liveleak.com)
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Good News: Surcharge for 3-D movies will soon be a thing of the past. Fark: By just making all tickets more expensive (boingboing.net)
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Barack Obama meets Hawaiian women on the rope line while campaigning, asks to see her birth certificate. Barack Obama, president, statesmen, King of the Trolls (rawstory.com)
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Were you thinking: "If only someone could combine the raw, macho, allure of a Segway with the sleek sex appeal of a Rascal scooter"? Well then, today is your lucky day, you freak (digitaltrends.com)
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Stephen King reads a chapter from his upcoming eighth Dark Tower novel. Dad-a-chum, did-a-chee (shelf-life.ew.com)
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| (Some RC Drinker) |
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To punish USA for backing UN resolution investigating war crimes, Sri Lankan nationalists call for boycott of Coke, Pepsi, wheat flour, and all other American goods, hope to establish anti-American sentiment among people (zeenews.india.com)
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so caption this picture of Barry Manilow, Marilyn Manson, and Lana Del Rey (assets.rollingstone.com)
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Among the people who have worn hoodies and, therefore, according to Geraldo Rivera, are asking to be shot include Justin Bieber, Mark Zuckerberg, Rachel Maddow, Ellen Page, E.T. and Geraldo Rivera. Gentlemen, let's lock and load (theatlanticwire.com)
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Fri March 23, 2012
Thu March 22, 2012
Wed March 21, 2012
Tue March 20, 2012
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Intent on going down in the biggest blaze of glory ever, Rick Santorum now taking shots at President Obama's parenting skills (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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The more time you spend making friends online, the more likely it is that you're a self-absorbed, narcissistic douchebag (jezebel.com)
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Since they didn't go through all the trouble of making those fancy graphics for nothing, NFL Network is now on Tebow stock watch since Manning has signed (nfl.com)
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Farking the poor (businessnewsdaily.com)
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You know it was en epic fight with your wife when she rams your car in the parking lot as you try to flee, chases you the wrong way down a highway and rams your car into a utility pole (wtkr.com)
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Millennials are taking on massive debt loads, according to prominent bank. EVERYBODY PNC (chicagotribune.com)
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These are the droids you're looking for. Good luck reaching them (boingboing.net)
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Idiots in Iowa City are kidnapping residents, stripping them, and making them handle nuclear bombs and drink alcohol (azcentral.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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A member of the California Board of Equalization is seeking an author to his bill that would limit sales tax on gasoline to the first $4 per gallon (scvnews.com)
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Tired of the same old Mickey Mouse, Cinderella, and Goofy? How about watching Spider-Man, Captain America, and Wolverine kicking the Seven Dwarves' asses instead? (orlandosentinel.com)
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| (ktuu.com) |
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Body found in North Pole snowbank, police checking naughty list for missing persons (ktuu.com)
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Why is Nokia is called Nokia? Is it A) Named after its founders B) Named after a town in Finland or C) The noise you will be making, when you next go for an MRI scan, if they bring magnetic tattoos to market (livescience.com)
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Dr. Ur identifies ancient sites in modern Syria and Iran thru satellite imagery, will continue looking this Sumer (bbc.co.uk)
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Asking for a Brazilian wax will result in a police call if you're wearing blue pantyhose and are male (freep.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Aaron Paul tweets that "Breaking Bad" will return in July. "Make sure u wear your diapers because I'm pretty sure u will (bleep) yourself" (theclicker.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Mon March 19, 2012
Sun March 18, 2012
Sat March 17, 2012
Fri March 16, 2012
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Now those are f*cking paintings (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"This American Life" retracts story on working conditions in Apple's Chinese plants after it turns out their main source was making shiat up (macrumors.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If the school won't release your kid to you, stripping off and singing religious songs in the parking lot may not help your cause (delcotimes.com)
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"The Walking Dead" boss Glen Mazzara teases Sunday's season finale. Oh, yes, there will be blood (possible spoilers) (eonline.com)
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Iowa governor Terry Branstad learns the hard way that closing unemployment offices and making it more difficult for the unemployed to find help is not only unconstitutional, it's probably a career killer too (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The effectiveness of pick-up lines depends on what a woman is looking for, how good looking you are (cornellsun.com)
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Not only are they less interested in working hard, personal responsibility, achievement, competition, independence, modesty, and moving out of the house, but the new generation doesn't care all that much about the environment, either (washingtonpost.com)
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Mitt Romney assures Puerto Ricans that unlike Rick Santorum, he has no problem with them speaking whatever it is they speak (talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Floridians afraid that Movies like "Project X" are making kids want to party, get drunk, do drugs, and break things. "They never would have came up with that idea themselves" (sun-sentinel.com)
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That lucrative public speaking gig you landed after your career as a public servant might not look so great after your agency books you to speak to a terrorist group (openchannel.msnbc.msn.com)
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Teen arrested for A) Underage Drinking; B) Shoplifting; C) Setting Beef Jerky on Fire (desmoinesregister.com)
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New study demonstrates that single males hitting the bottle when denied sex is universal across the animal kingdom (dailymail.co.uk)
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Thu March 15, 2012
Wed March 14, 2012
Tue March 13, 2012
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More science for you to ignore: New study shows why the British are free-thinking and the Chinese love conformity: It's all in the genes claim scientists (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sid Meier: The art of making interesting decisions. Like making it possible for a spearman to defeat a FARKING TANK (g4tv.com)
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David Brooks is very, very concerned that you're not making enough babies and why that might be (nytimes.com)
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| (Press Herald) |
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Fark credited for embracing food critic's down-home sweetness and racking up many views: "I had never heard of going viral before and I didn't know what that means, so I'm just taking it all in my stride" (5th paragraph) (pressherald.com)
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One Farker's mashup of The Walking Dead and Office Space "has been deemed the preferred choice of the internet," according to Uproxx (not-safe-for-work) (uproxx.com)
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Spiffy: President Obama is taking British Prime Minister David Cameron to experience an NCAA March Madness game. Sad: Western Kentucky vs. Mississippi Valley State (cnn.com)
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Germany proposes tax on Fark and other news aggregators for linking to stories. Also considering tax on stock tips, fashion advice, and plans to sue Rwanda for patent infringement on death camps (washingtontimes.com)
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Kim Kardashian rubs two brain cells together and seizures a response to Jon Hamm: "We're all working hard and we all have to respect one another." Prostitutes everywhere unite in solidarity (thedailybeast.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The trick to curing alcoholism may lie in making you forget how much you enjoy drinking (medicalxpress.com)
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If you live in Falciano del Massico and thinking about dying, forget about it (usnews.com)
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By asking the question about whether or not Obama is a "secret Muslim," people are perpetuating the false myth started by idiotic birthers (theatlantic.com)
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While everyone else is looking at an overpriced, aging QB with a bad neck, let's take a look at the current crop of NFL free agents that are worth signing (nfl.com)
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Man tells 911 operator his neighbor is masturbating in his backyard. Skeptical, 911 operator tells man, 'You gotta be yanking my chain.' With edgy mug shot (blogs.tcpalm.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
There's an alien mothership sucking on the Sun like a teat. But is it just to get enough energy to make an attack on Earth? Or is it absorbing the life killing cosmic rays? That's what friendly aliens do (news.gather.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Now taking the field, your Lennox Grade School Pasties (dailybreeze.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Listen mate, this is gonna sound totally insane, but I've just gone for a piss in the urinal and I could've sworn I saw an eyeball looking up from the hole" (vice.com)
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Are you team Katniss or team Peeta? Hunger Games tracking to have bigger opening weekend than that one about the angsty emo vampires (movies.yahoo.com)
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Taking a little off the top may lower the risk of prostate cancer (npr.org)
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Mon March 12, 2012
Sun March 11, 2012
Sat March 10, 2012
Fri March 09, 2012
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Industrial chemicals - it's what's really making us fat. Juicy, tasty industrial chemicals (theatlantic.com)
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| (Some Foodie) |
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Aside from his Italian food expertise, Mario Batali is also good at cooking the books (delish.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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School officials facing suspension, spankings after porn links show up on school's Twitter feed (wwnytv.com)
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In a world where Obama was king... when your life is no longer your own... when everything you know is wrong... a robot renegade candidate will emerge and unite his people in defense of liberty (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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| (digitaljournal) |
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"If you want to make money on the Greek situation, start making bets on which new bit of stupidity will happen next" (digitaljournal.com)
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Woman sues US Cellular after claiming her coworkers routinely looked for nude pictures on phones and created a "hostile working environment," three words which translate into lawyer-speak as "KA-CHING" (qctimes.com)
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Wes Anderson's 'Moonrise Kingdom' to debut at Cannes. Come for the Ed Norton, Bruce Willis and Bill Murray, stay for the Tilda Swinton, Harvey Keitel and Frances McDormand (guardian.co.uk)
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The #Kony2012 movement needed a good mocking, and the internet is here to deliver it (slideshow) (uproxx.com)
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| |
|
Announcer: "the world's population is getting fatter." World: *Yawn* Announcer: So fat that Brazil is no longer making tiny bikinis and is instead making bathing suits for fatties" World: "EVERYBODY PANIC" (latino.foxnews.com)
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Player to recruit via Twitter: "Dude, congrats. Welcome to Michigan" NCAA: "Congratulatory message sent via social networking? Rules violation. Investigation to follow" (msn.foxsports.com)
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Matt Groening: I could easily fill up my entire life just working on Futurama (metro.co.uk)
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Farking magnets, how do they taste? (smh.com.au)
|
Thu March 08, 2012
Wed March 07, 2012
Tue March 06, 2012
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|
24-year-old Michigan woman still collecting welfare after winning the lottery. "It's okay because I'm not working. I have bills to pay. I have two houses" (dailymail.co.uk)
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| |
|
England undoes ban on its Olympic athletes shaking hands. In other news, England banned their Olympic athletes from shaking hands (abcnews.go.com)
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It's really amazing that so many are willing to silence certain forms of speech (we all know that would be 'conservative' speech). They don't care about liberty they just want to remove any traces of correct thinking (dailymail.co.uk)
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Scientists working on tobacco derivatives create new dilemma for smokers: Would you rather have cheaper cigarettes or cheaper gas? Added difficulty: Door #3 is cheaper booze (cleantechnica.com)
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Fair and Balanced Fox News in 2008, making sure Americans understand the president has no control over gas prices, United States oil production makes little difference, and we should be promoting mass transit (youtube.com)
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Remember that three-year-old McNugget that looks like George Washington? It sold on eBay for $8,100. Subby's spending the day doing a BBQ sauce portrait of Teddy farking Roosevelt (shortlist.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
Welcome to an ancient movie-making era lost in the mists of time, with these behind-the-scenes videos of Stan Winston's animatronic dinosaurs for Jurassic Park (joblo.com)
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Elizabeth Berkley is so excited to announce that she is pregnant. So I guess she stopped taking her pills (tmz.com)
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"Driving and facebooking is not safe! Haha," especially at night at 80 mph, prophetic teen learns (dailymail.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Texas private school sports league, desperately trying not to admit a Muslim school, sends them a letter asking why they want to play with Christians. No, really. They did (blogs.houstonpress.com)
|
Mon March 05, 2012
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|
Researchers say some movies may increase binge drinking -- certainly anything with Adam Sandler in it (thedenverchannel.com)
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I took a nap in a bog one day and woke up screaming. 3796 leeches, 2910 fleas and 1044 vampire bats were stuck to my bald head drinking my blood in ecstasy. How many bloodthirsty bloodsuckers were dining on my head? (news.yahoo.com)
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|
Nick Cannon : "Lupus attacking my kidneys". Dr. House seen shaking head, facepalming in disagreement (thechart.blogs.cnn.com)
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|
Good news alcoholics: Mercedes is making flying cars. And if you drive 'em while intoxicated you can keep your license - as long as you're friends with the District Attorney. (With video goodness of "flying" car arrest) (fdlreporter.com)
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|
Leaving your three-year-old at Chuck E Cheese is a mistake. Not realizing she was gone until you saw the report about a missing kid on the news is just farking dumb (abc2news.com)
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Huntsville, AL to reduce fluoride in drinking water to prevent "cancer, Alzheimer's, ADHD, reduced IQ in children, dental and skeletal fluorosis, as well as hypothyroidism" (blog.al.com)
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The Obama administration is finally going to make a public case for why it should be allowed to kill American citizens without trial. Better keep working on that apology, Limbaugh (washingtonpost.com)
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| |
|
Remember last April when Sony was hacked and they were taking steps to make themselves "safer and more secure than ever before" ? Well ... about that (news.cnet.com)
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| |
|
Ron Paul says what we're all thinking (huffingtonpost.com)
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| |
|
Who wins the Rush/Fluke squabble? Big Pharma, of course...and they're no longer evil since they're backing the politically-correct horse this time (thedailybeast.com)
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 |
Your one-stop antidote to Monday morning blues: baby pandas drinking milk (stylist.co.uk)
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The lesson is: don't spy on rugby players with an RC helicopter. Cover your roomba's eyes before clicking (liveleak.com)
|
Sun March 04, 2012
Sat March 03, 2012
Fri March 02, 2012
Thu March 01, 2012
Wed February 29, 2012
| (Time To Sell?, Call My Cell) |
|
If you're looking for new digs, Michael Jordan's got his fully furnished Chicago home for sale. 29 million gets you 32,000+ square feet, 9 bedrooms, 15 bathrooms, indoor basketball court and a 1 car garage. Wait, what? (bairdwarner.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Camera: $50. Taking a picture of yourself holding a rifle: Free. Getting charged with two counts of inducing panic, one count of aggravated menacing and one count of telecommunications harassment: Priceless (newsnet5.com)
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| |
|
Bourdain rips Paula Deen again, noting he smoked on his own show but "wasn't selling any farking cigarettes. And when I found a spot on my farking lung, I didn't wait 3 years so I could get a deal selling the patch" (seattlepi.com)
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| |
|
Lightweight MMA fighter fesses up to his former career as a gay porn star. In any other sport, this might be considered breaking some kind of barrier (usatoday.com)
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|
Police pull a county councilwoman over for doing 105 in a 55 mph zone after police chase. I know what you're thinking, but no worries -- they gave her an extremely stern warning and a $90 ticket for a reckless lane change (wtop.com)
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|
The 50 "Most Explosive Choruses" in music, topped by Oasis, Kings of Leon, and The Killers (nme.com)
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Man stabbed over mistakenly taking bag full of harmonicas instead of taking bag full of tacos. In Florida, this makes perfect sense (heraldtribune.com)
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| |
|
L.A. Kings' Dustin Penner drops the gloves, heads to court for faceoff against wife (tmz.com)
|
| (Jacksonville Daily News) |
|
Drinking and smoking turns out to be bad for health. Especially if you're drinking gasoline (jdnews.com)
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| |
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Smoking hot 21-year-old eats 4,000 sponges. Just let that soak in for a minute (w/pics) (thesun.co.uk)
|
Tue February 28, 2012
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|
Researchers say residents of Southern U.S. states suffer most from sleep disturbances, making it tough each day for the South to rise again (upi.com)
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|
Taking a page straight out of the TSA handbook, hotel is evacuated and bomb squad is called due to "a medium-sized bottle that had liquid in it" (9news.com)
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| |
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When Punking™ a Federal Election®, registering the cell phone to a "Pierre Poutine" of Separatist Street, Joliette, Que., is the coup de grace (cbc.ca)
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Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano says the war on drugs in Mexico "is not a failure." Sort of makes you wonder what she's smoking (cnn.com)
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Have you finished making payments on your iPad 2? Good, because have we got something for you (engadget.com)
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Woman realizes that there is a total stranger sucking on her boob, then notices the lady next to her experiencing the same situation. Should they trade babies? (NSFW images in sidebar) (dailymail.co.uk)
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IBM takes a picture of a molecule's electrical charge. Shocking (idealab.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember the Cigarette Smoking man from X-Files? Turns out he is also pretty badass water skier (geekosystem.com)
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Stephen Hawking-sex-club story sort-of confirmed by Cambridge University; also, Hawking's a fan of Stringfellow's in London. No quantum chromodynamics in the champagne room (newser.com)
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Real world N64 GoldenEye.... dammit Natalya, stop walking in front of bullets (youtube.com)
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Police in Alberta looking for rustlers. Cut throats, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, con men, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, bull dykes, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists disheartened (torontosun.com)
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"Sir, step out of the America's Best Value motel room with your hands in the air and the weapon of mass destruction on the ground." (w/Breaking Bad Easter egg) (wptv.com)
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| |
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Just a smoking hot chick playing violin and dancing around in ice. Nothing to see here (youtube.com)
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| |
|
Olympus making way for new management. Jupiter promises better focus, greater zoom (edition.cnn.com)
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This is why people are having a hard time finding work: "There's just a lot of money having been created that ain't going into plant and equipment and labor, but instead making its way into equities" (cnbc.com)
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Oscar's wishful thinking. "Billy Crystal...seemed to be overseeing a cruise ship dinner show designed to appeal to the over-50 travel club. Early on, it hit the rocks and started to list. Almost everyone drowned" (washingtonpost.com)
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| (CBS Local) |
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Not news: man goes into welding shop looking for work, says he's good with his hands. News: Man is naked. Bonus: Police assisted by a man "who held a hamburger in one hand while lending his other to the effort" (sacramento.cbslocal.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
Okay. Now don't laugh. I can barely get through the sentence as it is...but...apparently, Rick Santorum robocalls are seeking Democrat support for him (detroitnews.com)
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| |
|
Not having to put clothes on is one perk of working at home. It's not a perk of working at a plastics warehouse (cbsnews.com)
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| |
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Florida state lawmaker Jimmie Smith (R), says state employees should be subjected to drug testing, but asking politicians to do the same would violate their special, God-given, constitutional rights (huffingtonpost.com)
|
Mon February 27, 2012
Sun February 26, 2012
Sat February 25, 2012
Fri February 24, 2012
Thu February 23, 2012
| (KPTV) |
|
If you're looking to score a little ass tonight, the Deschutes County Sheriff's Office would like to talk to you (kptv.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
R&B singer noted for his even-tempered disposition has playful encounter with a fan taking his picture (miami.cbslocal.com)
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 |
|
Meet the British lawyer fighting Islam, one parking ticket at a time (foreignpolicy.com)
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| (City Pages) |
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Over 100 police officers violated a woman's privacy by looking up her driver's license just because they thought she was hot. (With driver's license goodness.) (citypages.com)
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| |
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Anti-underage drinking advocate accused of providing underage drinkers a place to drink (nj.com)
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| |
|
Airline to set up matchmaking service to find the perfect person to sit next to you on the flight. A hot 19-year-old coed aching to join the mile-high club for me, thanks (nytimes.com)
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| |
|
Former member of the House photographed taking out his little weiner (dailymail.co.uk)
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| |
|
Like a task force taking down a crime family, federal prosecutors are slowly working up the corporate chain of command of Massey Energy with criminal indictments connected to the Big Branch mine disaster (cbsnews.com)
|
| (Bangor Daily News) |
|
A Maine family finds Hope. She was about a mile down the road looking for her Mom and pizza (bangordailynews.com)
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Adele's 21 enjoys its 21st week atop the charts, breaking Whitney Houston's record. 21 had the biggest Grammy sales boost in 21 years. While you're reading this, Set Fire to the Rain is on the radio for the 21st time in 21 hours (music-mix.ew.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
If you see a man making animal noises on the beach to attract attention to the fact that he's masturbating, then "Welcome to Florida" (naplesnews.com)
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|
It may be hard to believe, but apparently a few of the statements made during last night's GOP debate were a just a tiny little off the mark in the truthiness department. Fact checking, how does it work? (wrcbtv.com)
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|
Jeremy Linterested in trademarking "linsanity" so he can lincrease his lincome by lintroducing a new line of products (bloomberg.com)
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Sacramento Kings move to Seattle delayed until NBA Commissioner David Stern decides how to ruin everything (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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Police arrest man for spanking kids with shovel -- not his kids, his hoe's (foxcharlotte.com)
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Pro tip to law enforcement: kicking in the door may look cool in the movies it's actually very hard to do and you're just better off using the key you got from the hotel manager (liveleak.com)
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If it seems like the sky is shrinking and the clouds are closing in on you... it's not just you (nasa.gov)
|
Wed February 22, 2012
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|
Virgin makes $51.8 million by f*cking people (news.com.au)
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These are the plane's exits. This is how to operate your seat belt. This is how to use the air mask. These are the three bottles of vodka I'm going to chug while working this flight (duluthnewstribune.com)
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France gets rid of "Mademoiselle" and other "sexist" words because they reveal marital status. Still looking for words to reveal status of regular bathing (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (TechNet) |
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Microsoft's off-and-on thing with Apple is back "on" as it joins in asking the EU to investigate Motorola's patent-licensing practices. The frenemy of your enemy is your friend - kinda (blogs.technet.com)
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I don't know what's worse: An elected official joking about putting Obama in jail, or the fact that he freely admits he ripped the joke off from Jay Leno (daytondailynews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know it's a slow news day in York, PA one of the lead stories is: With the mild weather, some homeowners already thinking about mowing (ydr.com)
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President Obama once again caught on camera checking out an attractive woman (buzzfeed.com)
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I've heard of "bricking" a cell phone before, but never a car. And cell phones don't have $40,000 repair bills either (jalopnik.com)
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Santorum defends his Satan attacking America speech. Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy inconsolably left out of the limelight (suntimes.com)
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England joins the ranks of "gotcha" liberal elitists afraid of a strong, conservative woman by tricking Sarah Palin into claiming the queen dictates British foreign policy (smh.com.au)
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Science has already proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food, but it can still ruin soft drinks for pregnant women. Not to mention coffee, tea and chocolate (sciencedaily.com)
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Fail: Falling because you were texting while walking. Fark: Through the shot of a live news report (blog.trutv.com)
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Aww man, my term paper is due. Bro, just do it on drinking. That's all college is about, anyway (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Sheboygan Mayor faces recall election after being taped going on a drinking binge that ended with him passed out in a tavern. When did that become a BAD thing in Wisconsin? (news.yahoo.com)
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| (This is Bristol) |
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Burglar apologizes for breaking into a house and trying on the residents' clothes, says he was invited in by a small Chinese boy who turned out to be a bunch of flowers (thisisbristol.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The world's strangest beer commercials, including beer for kids, a man being killed by a harpoon, and Van Damme sporting a remarkable mullet while discussing his talking nipples (marketingmag.com.au)
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15,000 die on Indian railways every year because the toilets on the trains just empty onto the rails, corroding them to the point of breaking. Indian officials charged with not keeping track (independent.co.uk)
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F*CKING MORANS, why am I the only one on the right side of the road? (w/video) (news.com.au)
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Tue February 21, 2012
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Santorum: "Satan is attacking the great institutions of America, using the great vices of pride, vanity and sensuality". Aw, hell, subby's a fan of all seven (blog.seattlepi.com)
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Euphemisms of the early 1800s: "Boxing the Jesuit" means what you think it does,"choaking pye" does not (boingboing.net)
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They say that if it ain't broke, you shouldn't fix it, but dude - a 1948 IBM 402 might be taking the philosophy a bit far (pcworld.com)
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The high art of desktop cooking, or, how to get a decent meal when your heartless boss won't let you have a lunch break (slate.com)
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The MSM is again claiming that conservatives are talking in some sort of code that only they understand. For the GOP-type mods so I can get a greenlight: Discolored Buffalo Flying Ted Nugent Plays Pattycake and I'll Be Home For Christmas (religion.blogs.cnn.com)
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From the editors at Forbes comes this groundbreaking expose: the five leadership mistakes of the Galactic Empire (forbes.com)
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Hooking back up with your ex is an awful, terrible; no good, very bad idea. Here comes the SCIENCE (gizmodo.com)
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Ellen DeGeneres is helping two British tutu shaking cousins to expend their 15 minutes of fame well beyond the point of ad nauseam, failing to realize that 'too cute' sucks the air out of a room. Get the hook (vid) (bittenandbound.com)
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Big, bad bacterium is an 'iron pirate', according to researchers desperately seeking attention on the intertubes (physorg.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Denver police have issued their first "Medina" alert and are asking people to be on the lookout for man described as "funky, cold" (y100.com)
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Headline: "Mom warns of energy drink dangers after boy falls out of car." Article: "her son had been drinking an energy drink laced with alcohol" (wtop.com)
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Cinema accidentally shows trailer for The Devil Inside to toddlers. Number of angry parents already surpasses those who have actually seen the whole farking movie (shortlist.com)
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Mon February 20, 2012
Sun February 19, 2012
Sat February 18, 2012
Fri February 17, 2012
Thu February 16, 2012
Wed February 15, 2012
| (MyFoxPhilly) |
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Not news: Sharing bags of tea is the latest trend at a Philadelphia elementary school. FARK: We're not talking Lipton... if ya know what I'm sayin' (myfoxphilly.com)
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M&M Mars getting rid of King Sized candy bars in 2013 (npr.org)
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Electric cigarette causes man to start smoking (msnbc.msn.com)
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AA members banned from smoking during their recovery meetings. It's enough to drive you to drink (ocregister.com)
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Fox's Eric Bolling says it was okay for Bush to waste taxpayer money attacking Iraq because Saddam caused 9/11 (mediamatters.org)
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In light of how the Republican primaries have gone this year, GOP now "rethinking" the caucus format. Won't somebody think of the RON PAUL? (washingtonpost.com)
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Kate Winslet on watching herself in Titanic: "Block my ears, somebody. Somebody club out my senses. Make it farking stop'" (celebitchy.com)
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What goes around comes around: Leaked emails expose inner workings of prominent climate change skeptic organisation (guardian.co.uk)
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Is there any hope for Walking Dead this season, or is going to be six more episodes of no plot advancement? (youtube.com)
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The future of gaming is definitely social networking. Just look at the success story of Zynga, which lost $400 million in 2011 (joystiq.com)
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Kim Jong UnDead, another Italian jumps off a sinking ship, and men no longer offering Courtney Cox: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/5 - 2/11 (fark.com)
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Gizmodo thanks FARK for hooking them up to a weird cell tower story (gizmodo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police block rush hour traffic, backing up the freeway for miles, during a two-hour standoff with an empty car. That's some fine police work there, Lou (fox5sandiego.com)
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| (TechCrunch) |
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New app tracks moving objects when taking photo and then allows one touch removal of them. RIP photobombing. w/vid (techcrunch.com)
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I have no idea what you are talking about, so here is a picture of a chameleon small enough to perch on a match head (msnbc.msn.com)
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Retirement may require less income than you think, so you can spend more time thinking about how you're going to decorate your refrigerator box (forbes.com)
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Hollywood is out of ideas: Paramount to develop feature film over one-minute YouTube video of guy talking to his dog (variety.com)
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Tue February 14, 2012
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Lindsay Lohan's friends tell her to give up obsession with making Marilyn Monroe biopic. She would be more convincing as Whitney Houston, actually (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
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| (Some Westminster Kennel Club site) |
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How will the six new breeds do? Will Dachshunds finally get some love? Can you watch a dog show without thinking of Fred Willard (And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten)? Here is your Westminster Dog Show thread. *woof* (westminsterkennelclub.org)
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A billion here, a billion there and pretty soon we're talking about real money (wrcbtv.com)
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From all of us who enjoy working and dining in fine restaurants to amateur VD diners: Leave your demon spawn with a sitter and remember to tip decently. Stay home or get takeout if you can't afford either. Thanks (fark.com)
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The secret to making Americans less fat? Secretly swap out their portion sizes and give them a different-colored plate (wtop.com)
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Looking for that perfect, discreet affair this Valentine's Day? Lucky for you, dating sites catering to married and attached people are on the rise. "The day after Valentine's Day is one of our biggest days of the year" (yourlife.usatoday.com)
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Hotmail and Gmail are matched at blocking spam. Hotmail still better at creating spam (theinquirer.net)
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Susan G. Komen founder Nancy Brinker billed the foundation $133,507 in expenses while she was working full-time for President Bush. So send more money. You know, for breast cancer (thedailybeast.com)
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| (Hawaii News Now) |
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If you're working as a dog groomer and accidentally chop off a dog's ear, don't try to glue it back, the family WILL know (hawaiinewsnow.com)
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High school coach retires at 65 after getting arrested nude, "aroused" in car backseat with 17-year-old female student. Girl, what were you thinking? (wishtv.com)
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Apple jacking up Whitney's album price? Yeah, that was Sony's doing (venturebeat.com)
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Mon February 13, 2012
Sun February 12, 2012
Sat February 11, 2012
Fri February 10, 2012
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BAD: getting caught in a landslide while hiking. WORSE: getting struck by lightning while trying to avoid getting caught in a landslide while hiking (abc.net.au)
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| (Search Engine Land) |
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Search Engine Land gives credit to Fark for giving a whole new meaning to "Romney" (3rd paragraph shoutout in the section "The Linking Campaign") (searchengineland.com)
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Nothing is more romantic on Valentine's Day than taking your lover on a tour of New York's sewers (nydailynews.com)
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The Gulf of America bill I sponsored was a joke guys, can everyone stop panicking now (articles.boston.com)
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| (NBC Chicago) |
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Cop pulls gun on woman for taking too many items through the self-check out at WalMart, because 9 months pregnant or not, rules are rules (nbcchicago.com)
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Mo-om, the Vice-Chair of the Senate Banking Committee is sitting too close to meeee (cbc.ca)
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Pot smoking drivers 'twice as likely to cause car crash'. Really really slow car crashes (bbc.co.uk)
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Demi Moore Seeking Spiritual Advice from Michael Jackson's guru (contactmusic.com)
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More than $500,000 rare jewels stolen in a jewelry store heist. It involved burrowing through a wall, disabling alarms, and breaking into a safe. Sort of like Ocean's Eleven but without Julia Roberts (chicagotribune.com)
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Hulk Hogan goes on TV to address the allegations he was Beefcaking the Barber, Brother (youtube.com)
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Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-aking it in), chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, is being investigated for insider trading. If only there were some kind of governmental oversight for this kind of thing (washingtonpost.com)
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Romanian man accused of hacking into NASA computers would be serious news if Romania had any sort of space program (reuters.com)
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Crew filming documentary named "Dumb, Drunk and Racist" find what they are looking for with not so hilarious results (abc.net.au)
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Walking Dead creator Robert Kirkman sued by co-creator Tony Moore because Moore believes he was swindled out of his rights to the material. What is it with comic book creators named "Moore" making stupid decisions regarding contracts? (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Are your dreams trying to tell you something, aside from the fact that sleep is where you're a viking? (chicagotribune.com)
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The most amazing portraits created with packing tape you will see all day (dailymail.co.uk)
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Thu February 09, 2012
| (Some Guy) |
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Problem: You have a city full of people who have no ability whatsoever to parallel park. Solution: Stop testing parallel parking on the driving test. Ta-Da, problem solved (dcist.com)
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| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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If you ever drop your weed by the side of the road let it go, because man, it's gone, and the cops will find the methadone, opiates and benzodiazepines in your car and bloodstream when they stop to see what you're looking for (greatfallstribune.com)
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If you fumbled getting your camera back from a fellow Giants fan taking your picture at the Superbowl you might want to click this link (nydailynews.com)
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Been looking for a loophole in the 5-day waiting period and background check to purchase an assault rifle? Here's MSNBC to show you how (today.msnbc.msn.com)
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When articles invoking the Holocaust and urging creative destruction in Iran appear on the same day in the WaPo, WSJ, Newsweek and Bloomberg News, a skeptical observer might be forgiven for suspecting a well-coordinated propaganda campaign (salon.com)
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The judge found Alan Berger voluntarily signed up for the beer-drinking game of beer pong, and couldn't sue Wicked Willy. The judge said Berger "consumed alcohol to the point of diminished capacity" (wtsp.com)
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Attention all: Please join in this protest of Apple's working conditions in hopes to create an "ethical" manufacturing environment - sent from my iPhone (money.cnn.com)
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Something really gets lost when one translates the whole "jive talking" scene from Airplane into French. You dig, le honkey? (iheartchaos.com)
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Senator Constance Johnson (D-iddle) attaches anti-masturbation amendment to personhood bill in Oklahoma. At least someone is thinking about the kittens (thinkprogress.org)
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| (Bergen Record) |
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Protip: Dude, you're supposed to wait until you actually assume your teaching job before making sexytime chat with a twelve-year-old girl (northjersey.com)
|
Wed February 08, 2012
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You know, the possibility of attack aside, I have trouble believing the Iranians are sitting there thinking to themselves, "You know, if we could just take out Cleveland" (thehill.com)
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Fabio Capello resigns as England soccer coach. Who would have thought an Italian would leave a sinking ship? (dailymail.co.uk)
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"While Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum are making each other unelectable, the president is singing Al Green, congratulating Super Bowl winners, raising obscene amounts of campaign cash and watching his poll numbers soar" (washingtonpost.com)
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Five things we learned from Tuesday's Santorum sweep. 1. Republicans aren't taking this primary thing seriously. 2. Republicans who are taking this primary thing seriously don't use Google (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Someone at The American Spectator has finally started asking the right questions (spectator.org)
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Another Florida college is making headlines for hazing, and this time it's a fraternity at the University of Florida that's in the hot seat (firstcoastnews.com)
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Assuming he got any sleep last night, Mitt Romney is waking up to realize that last night was his own personal hell. Here's what losing to Santorum might cost him (salon.com)
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Justified producer Graham Yost sits down for Q&A as to why Justified is so awesome. Interviewer: "There is quite the body count already this season." Graham: "I don't know what you're talking about." (spoilers) (insidetv.ew.com)
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Selena Gomez in a bikini on the beach...so how you guys liking that Prop 8 ruling? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Paul says GOP result opens up door, hints at getting on floor, may lead to walking of dinosaur (news.yahoo.com)
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Mitt Romney's latest proposal has been denounced by TEA party leaders, The Club For Growth, and the US Chamber of Commerce and described as "class warfare". The proposal? Making sure the minimum wage keeps up with inflation (news.yahoo.com)
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Today's sexy teacher likes drinking, swearing and 'pulling black man' (w/pic) (thesun.co.uk)
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Tue February 07, 2012
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Seattle is making substantial progress toward becoming a five-sport city (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Are you looking to end your romance? Look no further than the Bronx Zoo. For only $10 you can name any one of its 58,000 hissing cockroaches after your, umm...loved one (magblog.audubon.org)
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Speaking of movies, which new movie do you think you'll see this weekend: Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, Safe House, The Vow, or Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace 3D (fark.com)
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Speaking of secret societies, are there any other members of the Illuminati besides myself? NDIT, obviously (fark.com)
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Karen Handel resigns from Komen for the Cure to spend more time making decisions for your family (hosted.ap.org)
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College drinking is on the rise and may reflect a dangerous trend. This is not a repeat from every single other year this same article was written (wtop.com)
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Republicans set to keep farking that Medicare chicken (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Since it is now technically the pre-season, here is your official 2012 NFL Power Rankings (cbssports.com)
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Family of jogger killed by drunk driver circulate petition to ban drinking on beach, reenact 18th Amendment (mysuncoast.com)
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"Police spoke to the man, who said he had just gotten out of the shower and was walking past the window. He said he did not realize there were a lot of people across the street who could see him" (palmbeachpost.com)
|
Mon February 06, 2012
Sun February 05, 2012
| (Some Guy) |
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A 9-year-old boy at a Catholic school was suspended Thursday night at a school lip-sync fundraiser after mimicking Michael Jackson's famous groin grab during a rendition of "Billie Jean." That's just nuts (winonadailynews.com)
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When asked why he was drinking beer from a wine glass, this guy didn't know, but he took a stab at it (chicagotribune.com)
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Moderate drinking, which was bad for you, then good for you, then bad for you, then good for you, then bad for you, then good for you, is now bad for you again, doubling your risk of pancreatitis and cancer of the bowel, mouth, throat and neck (dailymail.co.uk)
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Researcher at Institute of Extracting Theories from Our Rectums posits that epidemic of Tourette's-like symptoms plaguing New York town is caused by people unconsciously mimicking what they see on Facebook and YouTube (dailymail.co.uk)
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The new GOP talking point on the improving economy: "It's because of what Republican governors are doing in their states." So, economy up -- GOP governors. Economy down -- President's fault. Got it? (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Looks like Stella Hudgens has been taking attention whoring lessons from her big sister, Vanessa. She has learned well (dailymail.co.uk)
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Can the players refrain from taking a bite out of the tasty piggy cheerleaders? Will the water dish be befouled? Can you stand the cuteness of it all? It's Puppy Bowl VIII, 3 PM ET on Animal Planet (animal.discovery.com)
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When working as a garage attendant, if you park a $400,000 Bentley it's probably best to take the keys with you. FARK: Bentley was owned by college student (gothamist.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Positive side of the bad economy: More and more dry counties are seriously thinking about legalizing the sale of alcohol. "There is nothing good about liquor" (courier-journal.com)
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Sat February 04, 2012
Fri February 03, 2012
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Erotic filmmaker Zalman King dies at 69 (variety.com)
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How to spot The X-Files in Breaking Bad, Homeland, and American Horror Story. I want to believe (nymag.com)
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Study says Republicans have more orgasms, probably from farking 99% of the population (thedailybeast.com)
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While largely forgotten about after the 90's, virtual reality may be making a comeback. In your eyes (scientificamerican.com)
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"Cry me a freaking river," says Komen's new CEO about totally coincidental new policy to defund groups beginning with 'P' and rhyming with "bland parenthood" (jezebel.com)
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In a shocking and totally unpredictable move, GOP leaders look to renege on the defense limit cuts called for in last years sequester deal. Obama and Democrats flabbergasted (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Romney calls Leon Panetta "misguided and naive" for announcing US troop pull out of Afghanistan, because if he hadn't said anything the Taliban would NEVER HAVE KNOWN we were thinking about leaving (news.yahoo.com)
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| (WJAR) |
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Today's "teacher has sex with student" takes a shocking turn when hot 22 year old teacher is arrested for supplying alcohol before she gets a chance to bang anyone. (With "you'd drink with her" pic) (www2.turnto10.com)
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Woman picking her kid up from school enters through bus-only lane, hits gate with her car, drives over curb, and exits through entrance, and is busted for DUI and other charges. Ta-da (orlandosentinel.com)
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| (NC Times) |
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Kim Dotcom to judge: "You have to grant me bail, your honor, because I'm receiving unwanted advances from all the female inmates." Judge: "You've got to be farking kidding me. DENIED" (nctimes.com)
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Indiana lawmakers pass last-minute legislation making it more difficult for thousands of men to find hookers for the Super Bowl (foxnews.com)
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With two weeks until pitchers and catchers report, Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton already in mid-season drinking shape (rangersblog.dallasnews.com)
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Subby's looking for a new beer to try. I know you won't disappoint, Fark (fark.com)
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Thu February 02, 2012
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The Super Bowl is not a job creator. Despite what civic boosters say, hosting the big game provides... Wait, what the hell am I looking at? (salon.com)
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After the earthquake, it appears that waste water dumping in Ohio has become a big fracking deal (businessweek.com)
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Thomas Frank: How a bunch of idiots dressed in colonial garb screwed everyone out of a working economy (alternet.org)
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So what did Facebook's $5 billion IPO teach us? Well, for one thing, it taught us that Facebook users are a drooling pack of monkey idiots. "Screw this, I'm making Jeffbook...it's time to get paid" (cnn.com)
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Sen. Mike Lee thinks President Obama using his constitutional power to make recess appointments is exactly like the Japanese attacking Pearl Harbor and killing 2400 Americans (thinkprogress.org)
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For sale. One US Presidency. Asking $1 billion. Serious rich buyers only, please (latimes.com)
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Angela Merkel to China: "Europe is making fiscal progress." Progress towards financial apocalypse, but progress nonetheless (marketwatch.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Man arrested after attempting to move the vehicle blocking his car. News: It was an ambulance. Fark: Paramedics were loading it with a patient at the time (y100.com)
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| (SBNation) |
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Much like Peyton Manning, Roy Oswalt is in search of a home for after rehabbing from an injury that could jeopardize his career. To really drive the similarity home, we have an pic of Oswalt making a Manning face (mlb.sbnation.com)
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Employees taking stacks of cash from a bank vault for an auditor to count, forget to remove the ones with the exploding dye packs (denver.cbslocal.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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74-year-old man dies after choking on his dentures while having sex with a 62-year-old prostitute (asiaone.com)
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Virginia may be about to pass a law that separates school year planning from King's Dominion's schedule. In other news, Virginia currently plans its school year around King's Dominion's schedule (wtop.com)
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Photoshop this man taking his dog for a walk (msnbcmedia1.msn.com)
|
Wed February 01, 2012
Tue January 31, 2012
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So while we're all talking about global warming, Canada didn't have a winter this year (cbc.ca)
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| (KDGE) |
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"It's not what I fought for...to be treated like this. It's not right to think they can come into your house and do this to you," says disabled Vietnam veteran who lives in fear of the authorities taking away his monkeys (kdge.com)
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Lazy New Jerseyans don't like pumping their own gas or using parking meters where you have to walk back to your car to put the receipt in the windshield (nj.com)
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Comedian from popular, news-savvy TV show launches Presidential campaign to expose foibles of the political process. No, we're not talking about Stephen Colbert. Come upon my lawn and let me tell you about Pat Paulsen (rollingstone.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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There's nothing quite like buying a car, taking it for a spin, picking up the ladies, and watching it roll down a hill into a brand new swimming pool (heraldsun.com.au)
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Government report says Japan's population will shrink by one third by 2060, which is shocking considering how short they already are now (bbc.co.uk)
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Study finds women are better at parking than men, but only because other cars on the street flee in terror at their approach (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (WUSA9) |
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And now the opening scene to Season #3 of "The Walking Dead" (wusa9.com)
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Romney plays the "son of a poor Mexican polygamist" card, hoping to woo Latino voters without waking the slumbering dragon of Orly Taitz (bostonglobe.com)
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The Chinese are finally taking Glenn Beck's advice...which may or may not be right for you. But you owe it to yourself to check it out (forbes.com)
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| (maine squash league) |
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Maine Squash League celebrates making the main page of FARK with a full page capture of the historic event (mainesquashleague.com)
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Obama passes on taking 18 of the 20 highest questions offered to him by voters via YouTube during recent Google hangout, but does address the pressing issues of dancing, gaming, and getting the late night munchies (huffingtonpost.com)
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Mon January 30, 2012
Sun January 29, 2012
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