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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Shockingly, that towering icon of civic virtue, competence, and incorruptibility, former New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin is apparently under investigation by the FBI  (news.yahoo.com)	(76)
		Man gets thrown out of pub by another customer for smoking. Since this is Fark, you'd better believe he came back into the pub with a chainsaw  (dailymail.co.uk)	(42)

		Despite their efforts to convince you otherwise, many "foodies" can't, in a blind taste test, tell white wine from red, pate from dog food, or that the chips they're eating are soggy if you make crunching sounds in their ears  (npr.org)	(287)
(Some Guy)		Incredibly, shutting down Megaupload did not eliminate piracy  (bgr.com)	(85)
(Some Guy)		It's been five years since Anna Nicole Smith's anus was deemed to be unremarkable   (todayentertainment.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(38)
		Dedication can often overcome incompetence, but if you've already been shot with your own gun, you probably shouldn't try a second burglary that night  (indianagazette.com)	(4)
		Dear policy holder: Our computers have detected your car moving at an actuarially imprudent speed. Your credit card has been billed for the resulting insurance premium increase  (bbc.co.uk)	(100)

		For the first time in over 300 years England once again has a Prince of Wales who is capable of leading a charge of armored cavalry- AIR Cavalry that is  (boston.com)	(109)
		Like a typical politician, Obama wants to be reelected, raise money AND make clear policy distinctions with his opposition. How droll, how uncouth, how offensive to sensibilities of our cherished political punditry. Have you no shame sir?  (politico.com)	(45)
		Coca-Cola revenue increases, net income drops. Wall Street: That's not soda pressing  (usatoday.com)	(9)
		Toppling TVs have crushed four Chicago children since October, so clearly it's time to start putting warning labels on these Doom Tubes and maybe start requiring protective gear to watch them  (usatoday.com)	(129)
		Because blowing the entire team's budget to acquire single big-name talent has worked so well for them in the past, the Redskins should offer "whatever it takes" to get Peyton Manning. Can Dan Snyder be included in a trade?  (washingtonpost.com)	(48)
(AmeriCOUNT)		Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL) to Newt: You want to hear about the Food Stamp President? He added 18 million people to the program and increased spending in it by $19 Billion. Oh, and by the way, his name was George W. Bush  (americount.org)	(146)

		Long-term impact of globalism? In the future, all U.S. legislation will include references to Monty Python skits  (rawstory.com)	(62)
		Man returns to house to find squatters with drugs, grenades, and since this is Florida and not New York, a pig  (local10.com)	(35)
		Democratic congressional chairman wants you to know that the millions he sent a state agency was for society's good, not to get his son a $129,000 per year job. And the fact that his son left as soon as he lost the chairmanship? Coincidence  (washingtonpost.com)	(36)
		Prince Frederic von Anhalt throws lavish 95th birthday party for Zsa Zsa Gabor, complete with buffet and 130 guests. Zsa Zsa spends day wishing for sweet embrace of death to finally come claim her. (with sad pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(56)
(The Hindu)		TV cameramen zoom in to bust a politician in session watching porn on his cell phone. He claims in a press conference since the House was discussing rave parties at the time, he was just studying an example of 4 women dancing, being gang-raped  (thehindu.com)	(60)
		New photos from the set of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. There's a lot at stake here  (slashfilm.com)	(50)

		Turing incomplete  (guardian.co.uk)	(56)
		Our friends in Taiwan pretty much nailed the entire Superbowl. Including the Halftime show  (youtube.com)	(32)
		Journalist arrested for "resisting arrest" has his video of incident deleted by Miami PD, however the cops didn't know the difference between deleted and tomb-stoned  (arstechnica.com)	(221)
(Some Guy)		Since it is now technically the pre-season, here is your official 2012 NFL Power Rankings  (cbssports.com)	(207)
		Soldiers of the future might have their minds plugged directly into weapons systems, hopefully including phased plasma rifles in the 40 watt range  (guardian.co.uk)	(71)

		Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between "balls of steel" and "moron with sluggish survival instincts"  (wimp.com)	(23)
		Off-screen voice: Chad Ochocinco, your team just lost the Super Bowl. What are you going to do next? Chad: I'm going to the Hamilton County Courthouse  (news.cincinnati.com)	(40)
		Fox News contributor and Breitbart catamite: "Obama should go back to burning the taxpayer-funded incense to whatever pagan, foreign deity he's worshipping"  (mediamatters.org)	(196)
(savannah now)		When at a gun show, don't point a weapon at something you don't intend to shoot. That includes your leg  (savannahnow.com)	(152)
		The RCP average of President Obama's job approval rating is now positive for the first time since right after Osama Bin Laden was killed. This is bad news... for Obama  (realclearpolitics.com)	(114)
		Ron Paul says "it's hard to say" when or where he might win a caucus or primary this nominating season. Coincidentally, that's the same answer political experts give when asked why he's still in the race  (abcnews.go.com)	(127)
		LEVEL 1 EMERGENCY: Japan's 59% of female respondents aged 16 to 19 said they were uninterested in or averse to sex, a near 12% increase since 2008  (huffingtonpost.com)	(551)

		Governor Pat Quinn successfully swallows a spoonful of cinnamon. Coincidentally, the State of Illinois is still gagging on his tax package  (suntimes.com)	(37)
		In development since 1994, self cooling cans may finally hit the market. You submitted this with the [cool] tag  (gizmodo.com)	(57)
(WTSP)		Eight arrested for soliciting undercover male police officers in park include Denny's consultant. Maybe he shouldn't have asked for the "Sausage Slam?"  (wtsp.com)	(93)

(Inquisitr)		"Mother Nature Network even made the front page of Fark, another indicator of a meme becoming increasingly viral." We're a positive influence, people. (3rd paragraph shoutout)  (inquisitr.com)	(5)
(Some Guy)		Thank you South Korea for the best Incredible Hulk sculpture ever created...and reminding me to make sure I get enough fiber  (bleedingcool.com)	(34)
(Some Green Guys)		Princess Cruise Lines gives 200 lucky passengers free upgrades to luxurious Taco Bell staterooms  (wfaa.com)	(98)
		Today's story of incredibly excessive roaming charges comes to you from Saskatchewan, Canada  (upi.com)	(26)
		Pigs pinch pensioner for propagating potted poolside pot plants. Pisser  (upi.com)	(24)
		40 years ago this guy could literally crank out hot lines faster than your mom would fall for them. Bonus: lube was included  (youtube.com)	(31)
		News: motorcyclist chases down DUI hit-and-run driver and hog-ties him with a belt. Texas: for the second time in 9 months. Fark: is recognized at the scene by the arresting police officer from the prior incident  (m.statesman.com)	(115)

		Since they don't get enough attention in this country, Arizona lawmaker proposes a holiday to celebrate white people  (huffingtonpost.com)	(325)
(Some Guy)		"Cry me a freaking river," says Komen's new CEO about totally coincidental new policy to defund groups beginning with 'P' and rhyming with "bland parenthood"  (jezebel.com)	(147)
		Since the field is pretty narrow, I'll just go ahead and call this guy a feather duster virtuoso  (wimp.com)	(30)
		Jack Sparrow injured "in the fight that included Cat Woman, an alien and a second pirate"  (ktla.com)	(10)

(Some Guy)		Red-haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned Irish guy wins George Clooney lookalike contest, will be attending the Oscars. Pic of uncanny resemblance included  (videogum.com)	(74)
(TheWrap)		Feds shut down 16 websites for streaming copyrighted footage, arrest webmaster. Coincidentally, don't miss the Super Bowl this Sunday on NBC  (thewrap.com)	(175)
		Wil Wheaton, Prince of Darkness  (io9.com)	(45)
(Some Guy)		US Women's Soccer player Ella Masar opens up about the WPS "magicjack" team, including having to call the owner "Daddy" and the team having a chiropractor because he didn't believe in athletic trainers  (pitchsidereport.com)	(36)
(The Province)		The Province finds FARK'S clever MMA headline to be the hit of the week  (theprovince.com)	(0)
		Under Obama, government spending has declined at the steepest rate since the 1970s  (theatlantic.com)	(327)

		Colorado's biggest embarrassment since the 1997 Denver Nuggets endorses Rick Santorum. In other news, Rick Santorum is evidently still running for president  (denverpost.com)	(40)
		Incredibly, there was a time when Marilyn Monroe was actually quite attractive. No. Really. It's true  (life.time.com)	(108)
		Santorum logic: Since Newt didn't beat Romney in Florida, I'm the only candidate that can beat Romney  (politico.com)	(49)
		Polo club founder adopts his adult girlfriend. He incests he had a good reason to  (palmbeachpost.com)	(36)
		Prince William deploys for six-week tour of the Falklands. Presumably Harry is busy infiltrating Argentina, because one more person in a Nazi uniform over there wouldn't stand out  (guardian.co.uk)	(45)

		Stocks post their best January since '97. So it must be the Bush recovery. Or the anticipation of a Romney presidency. Or the Jet Stream. Or a celestial convergence. What else could it be?  (thedailybeast.com)	(88)
		Two women sexually assault man with pliers, article includes a helpful picture of what a pair of pliers may look like  (twincities.com)	(119)
		"Steven Spielberg is the most overrated director of modern times; he has no sense of humor, gets lackluster performances from his actors, and is incredibly pompous." Aw, a film student got upset  (slate.com)	(289)
		DP World sees 10% increase in business, has never looked up their name on Urban Dictionary  (finance.yahoo.com)	(33)
		Economies of midwest states, particularly Michigan, Indiana, Ohio and Pennsylvania, have improved faster than the rest of the U.S. since 2009. Not that this fact has any particular relevance in this particular year  (bloomberg.com)	(171)
		Tomatoes slow prostate cancer, but are incredibly messy to apply  (telegraph.co.uk)	(24)
		Nurseries urged to look for signs of drug-addicted babies, such as if the babies sleep a lot, soil themselves, or speak only in incoherent babble  (latimes.com)	(27)

(DailyFinance)		The list of America's 25 most dangerous neighborhoods. Chicago? NYC? Cincinnati laughs as it robs you at gunpoint  (dailyfinance.com)	(281)
		Michelle Obama stimulus for Barack's package leads to increased sales  (telegraph.co.uk)	(56)
		Gingrich denounces the "pro-abortion, pro-gun-control, pro-tax-increase liberal" running for president and he wasn't talking about Obama  (news.yahoo.com)	(184)

The FA Cup rolls on today with a full slate of action, including a revisiting of the season's two biggest race rows. It's a west London derby with QPR v Chelsea and a massive Liverpool v Man United match up  (dailymail.co.uk)

(273)

		The 10 best director's cuts. List is incomplete until Garry Marshall's four hour redux of New Year's Eve is released  (shortlist.com)	(171)
		In today's episode of "This Should End Well": Syrian rebels capture 7 Iranians, including 5 members of the Revolutionary Guard, in Homs  (news.com.au)	(53)
		Subby is in the midst of his 5th distinct career change at age 36. Some have been more successful than others, but the journey overall has made for a pretty interesting life so far. Let's hear your career change stories  (fark.com)	(221)

(Some Guy)		Miley Cyrus devastated by penis cake incident  (celebs.gather.com)	(97)
		From the "well, this explains a lot" files: Political contributions from financial sector increased 700% since 1990  (boingboing.net)	(26)
		Two more Gov Scott Walker (R-Wi) aides arrested in an imbroglio that involves stealing taxpayer money and a secret "off the books" network that includes RNC chair Reince Priebus  (dailykos.com)	(194)
		Since the Iraq War ended there has been little fanfare for the veterans returning home. St. Louis is about to fix all of that  (hosted.ap.org)	(93)
		Sales of the song "Let's Stay Together" have went up by 490% since President Obama sang part of the song at a fundraising event. Who says he isn't doing anything to help stimulate the economy?  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)		The real U.S. GDP growth for 2011 is just 1.7 percent, compared with an increase of 3.0 percent in 2010. Yes, strong economic recovery indeed  (businessinsider.com)	(77)
		The top 25 cult film actors. Who are still alive. Gary Busey included  (denofgeek.com)	(104)
		Chysler 300C once leased by President Obama now on eBay. He drove it until 2007. That's when he started to run for president and coincidentally traded it in for a Ford Escape hybrid  (wgal.com)	(81)
		If you thought overpaid and underweight models parading the latest incomprehensible "fashion" on the runway was bad, wait until you see what Homer and Marge have been up to. D'oh  (thedailybeast.com)	(16)
(Some Guy)		High heels destroy a woman's feet and warp the way she walks. Wow, and here I thought walking on your toes while balancing on a five-inch-high spike was good for you  (todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(141)

		Hotshot NCAA player mimics NBA players with incredible slam dunk. Continues to mimic NBA players by acting like a jackass and getting ejected  (sports.yahoo.com)	(56)
		Tim Lincecum passes on 5 year, $100M offer from Giants, accepts 2/$40.5M instead, probably could have been talked into 4/$20M  (blog.sfgate.com)	(44)
		Jon Stewart makes $15 million a year. This means Romney is automatically President and nobody has to listen to the liberal media lecture us on income inequality ever again  (news.yahoo.com)	(564)
		It's been 20 years since your football team has done anything but fail spectacularly, so what's a local paper to do when yet another unreached Superbowl's coming and there's empty column inches to fill? TWENTY YEAR REMINISCENCE  (washingtonpost.com)	(61)
		Generation X just got back from the rainforest. 46 new species identified including cowboy frog, Crayola katydid, Pac-Man frog, and Conehead grasshopper  (news.yahoo.com)	(16)
		Memorial service to cap three days of mourning for Joe Paterno at Penn State. Rumor has it that any PSU student not mourning sincerely enough could face harsh penalties, like all 8am classes next semester  (foxnews.com)	(164)
		Man challenges 40 friends to spend at least $20 at a local hardware store that has been around since 1857. Things just snowballed from there and the store had their best day in years. This is the way to take back America  (finance.yahoo.com)	(82)
		Rockwell reports 22% surge in net income, the feeling of people watching them  (jsonline.com)	(15)
		With Detroit adding Prince Fielder, Miguel Cabrera will move to third base to balance out the infield. Literally to keep it from tipping over  (espn.go.com)	(97)
		Things Pat Sajak has seen spinning on "Wheel of Fortune" include the wheel, the letters, and the room  (huffingtonpost.com)	(80)

		10 reasons Indianapolis will be a lot more fun than you think-- including the Bob Knight Reflecting Pool and the world's largest meat statue  (nbcbayarea.com)	(115)
		Today's Fark-ready headline:"Police pinch pug-pilfering pensioner"  (thelocal.de)	(22)
		"The reason why he is always injured is because we have sex seven to 10 times a week" (pics included)  (blog.chron.com)	(173)
		Since the beginning of the recall effort against him, the people have rallied around WI Gov Scott Walker, donating almost $4 million to his campaign. And by "the people" I mean millionaires in TX, MO, and AZ  (news.yahoo.com)	(107)
		What a coincidence "No Name Calling Day" and "Give kids who wear black a wedgie" are the same day  (boston.com)	(13)
(Adam Smith)		History shows over and over that raising the capital gains rate actually lowers government revenues, while decreasing the capital gains rate increases government revenues. (pdf warning)  (adamsmith.org)	(100)
		Chad Ochocinco does not respond to Twitter follower for two years. Finally responds to fan with a trip to the AFC Championship Game, complete with plane tickets, hotel room, and baptism  (sports.yahoo.com)	(43)

		Dogologists at the Westminster Kennel Club announce six brand-new breeds for this year's show, including the Octo-Retriever, the Scottish Laser Hound, and the Snooki  (sacbee.com)	(34)
		Here's a fun game: type your annual income into the Romneyizer and find out how long it would take ol' Mitt to make it  (slate.com)	(503)
(New Haven Register)		Feds arrest four East Haven, Connecticut police officers for racial profiling in pre-dawn raid. Includes bonus video of the officers arresting a white reverend for filming them  (nhregister.com)	(76)
		Dear Mr. President, in your SOTU speech this evening, I suggest you avoid talking about your first term in office. It won't do you a damn bit of good. Sincerely, Rahm  (wlsam.com)	(68)
		Warriors blow 20-point lead over Grizzlies in worst choking incident since Dubya vs. Pretzel  (sfgate.com)	(14)
		Even Bruce Wayne's feeling the economic pinch. I am the 1%  (iheartchaos.com)	(15)

		Judge rules that defendant MUST decrypt laptop so they can use it to incriminate her. Buh-bye Fifth Admendment  (wired.com)	(746)
		Biggest solar storm since 2005 underway, expected to peak Tuesday. Possible effects include disruptions of satellite communication, electrical transmission and GPS navigation. The Sun is here  (washingtonpost.com)	(111)
		RNC Chairman Reince "yes, that really is my name" Priebus says a long, drawn-out primary fight will be good for the GOP nominee come November. Pretty much everyone else says the opposite, though   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(116)
		"Germany has the economic strengths America once boasted. It has thrived on principles America seems to have lost"  (latimes.com)	(101)
		Some of Nintendo's most awesome commercials from the past 30 years. Yes, it includes the dancing Zelda/Link from Japan  (wii.ign.com)	(30)
		Elementary school finds novel way of encouraging students to excel: read well and you get to throw food at the principal  (nwfdailynews.com)	(56)

(nfl.com)		Chad Ocho Cinco won't play in AFC Championship game. This isn't a repeat from last year, or 2010, 2009, 2008, or pretty much every year that he has been in the league  (nfl.com)	(35)
		To commemorate the Giants playing in the NFC Championship game, the Empire state building was supposed to be lit blue. Since you're reading this on Fark, you can probably guess what happened  (nj.com)	(77)
		Newt's algorithm for gaining support. Step 1: Figure out who the audience hates. Step 2: Convince the audience you hate them too. Step 3: Repeat  (theatlantic.com)	(95)

		120 dead after Kano blasts. Suspected victims include Scorpion, Johnny Cage  (bbc.co.uk)	(66)
(Some Guy)		Publisher of iPad textbooks claims students show a 20 percent performance increase, specifically in studies of applied parabolic avian trajectories coupled with porcine devastation  (macrumors.com)	(39)
		Archaeological discoveries in the Amazon show extensive urban development, which is complete nonsense since we know Columbus created the first cities by burning down all the natives and exploiting them for oil  (nytimes.com)	(35)
(Miami Herald)		Philbin named Head Coach of the Miami Dolphins. Kelly Ripa inconsolable   (miamiherald.typepad.com)	(30)

		"And then they might say, well, sure, but that could be coincidence. Then you look them straight in the eye, and you say: 'Nine of the ten hottest years on record have been since 2000'"  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(544)
		Florida cinches 3 out of 5 top slots for the America's Most Stressful Cities, 2012 FTA - "Standout factor: Tampa is in the 97th percentile for suicides"  (realestate.yahoo.com)	(122)
		A look back at what may be the most infamous bad snap in NFL history, and at long-snapper Trey Junkin's life since  (sports.espn.go.com)	(83)
		On the off chance that his constituency might include people who like to Fark, watch Youtube, cheat using Wikipedia, or simply illegally download some music, Harry Reid (D-idn't think it all the way through) has postponed the vote on PIPA  (news.yahoo.com)	(108)
		Colts owner Jim Irsay says they will be picking the best player in the draft who can pound a ten inch spike through a 2x4 with his neck  (msnbc.msn.com)	(68)
(Some Guy)		With the blockage of the Keystone pipeline project, oil companies are scrambling to find alternative transportation methods. In steps Burlington Northern Santa Fe which, coincidentally, was just purchased by Berkshire Hathaway  (news.investors.com)	(83)

(Capital New York)		Brand new generation of news-junkie hipsters increasingly flock to CBS's slowpaced 'Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood' because of the PBR Effect - it's so obviously uncool that it ends up being as cool as your grandfather  (capitalnewyork.com)	(61)
		Homeowners: After company started drilling for oil nearby, our water smelled like rotten eggs, contained concrete slurry and gas bubbles that could be ignited with match. State: Coincidence, because we make sure drilling is safe  (ohio.com)	(239)
(CJDS)		"Three co-sponsors of the bills... announced their shift in support in light of a viral campaign... that included the voluntary blackout of Wikipedia, Reddit, Fark and thousands of other websites." Behold the power of Fark   (criminaljusticedegreeschools.com)	(12)
		If you actually can afford to buy a house *and* convince a bank to give you a mortgage, have we got some great news for you  (wrcbtv.com)	(101)
		Where to put a sign that reads: "Please do not attach or affix any structures or objects to the park furniture and trees at Highbury Fields including the benches and lamp posts."?  (bbc.co.uk)	(44)
(Politifact)		Romney warns the loss of 15 horse-calvary regiments since 1941 has left the nation vulnerable to bands of renegade native americans, hussars, and dragoons  (politifact.com)	(234)
(Prague Monitor)		Man convinces healthy 22-year-old woman he can look through her eyes and can see a malignant tumor inside, persuades woman to provide $10,000 for treatment. After the young woman runs out of money, he starts to accept sex as payment  (praguemonitor.com)	(123)
		Iran claims that after the murder of their scientist, 1,000 students switched their majors to nuclear science. Of course since most used to be "comparative medieval poetry" majors, this isn't expected to help much  (abcnews.go.com)	(57)
(Some Guy)		Rick Santorum Defends SOPA: "Your free speech rights can be incredibly harmful to someone else." You mean like when everyone uses their free speech to say, "You're out the race, Santorum"?  (networkedblogs.com)	(138)
		The media continues to portray the disinterested waffling of "Swing Voters" as a principled key constituency  (nytimes.com)	(28)
		Thai fighter scores greatest forest victory since Battle of Yavin  (mirror.co.uk)	(83)
		Fox News notices that comic books have a lot more sex and violence since back when they were young. "It's sort of like a fictionalized Playboy for kids at its worst"  (myfoxdc.com)	(70)
(Some Guy)		After yesterday's protests, many lawmakers have pulled their support for SOPA/PIPA--including a half-dozen of its original sponsors. Democracy's condition upgraded to "mostly dead"  (abs-cbnnews.com)	(66)
		Iowa GOP: Santorum won Iowa and we're going declare it a tie. BTW, we accidentally lost eight precincts worth of ballots so vote Republican  (talkingpointsmemo.com)	(99)
		Model Lauren Scruggs leaves the hospital for the first time since her accident (w/ you'd still hit it like a propeller pic)  (tmz.com)	(121)

(After Credits Guy)		Since this is "greenlight all the links" day, here's a very cool site that catalogs movies that have extra bonus scenes after the credits. Yes, it's mine. And yes, just like Drew, I love SOPA/PIPA  (aftercredits.com)	(20)
(PANDACAM)		Since Drew is greenlighting any old thing until the whiskey wears off, I give you - PANDACAM The San Diego Zoo's webcam of these enchanting creatures oh just click the damn link already  (sandiegozoo.org)	(3)
(witf.org)		Congressman Tim Holden withdraws SOPA support after "thousands of websites, including Wikipedia, Reddit, Google, Craigslist, Wired, Fark and many more, have gone dark to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act." GO US  (witf.org)	(9)
		Fark-ready Headline: "The crying Packers fan with the sparkly nail polish". Bonus: Article includes an "I'd hit it" picture  (startribune.com)	(57)
(Brooklyn Daily)		"There is no policy that limits bathroom breaks," said the school board. Well, not including the contest awarding prizes for whoever could hold it in longest  (brooklyndaily.com)	(15)
		Since this is getting deleted anyway. GREENLIGHT THIS My 8th grade students playing Brown Eyed Girl on steel drums. OMGWTFLOL  (youtube.com)	(13)
		Well, since Drew is greening everything, Here's SHADOWS OF DAWN. The trans-dimensional thrash masters of the multiverse  (youtube.com)	(2)
		Mediaite's survival guide to January 18, 2012′s internet blackout includes the action/reaction of FARK (1st section)  (mediaite.com)	(0)
		Romney: "Did I say that I paid 15%? I actually used a sophisticated series of off-shore financial instruments to avoid paying taxes altogether. I technically qualified for the earned income tax credit in 2008. My bad"  (reuters.com)	(169)
(Say Anything)		The most do nothing Congress since 1947 did manage to do one thing. They increased federal spending by 10%  (sayanythingblog.com)	(43)
		We at Fark, Inc. are in favor of SOPA -- we are going WHITE tomorrow to support it. Check back at 8am EST to find out why  (fark.com)	(714)
		So what are you going to do tomorrow, since all the good websites will be down for the day? And don't tell us you're actually going to work, 'cause we all know you won't  (fark.com)	(58)
(Some Guy)		I just want to congratulate everyone in TFD, including me, for successfully getting in on the greenlight free-for-all, you self-absorbed jerks  (merriam-webster.com)	(46)
		Since Drew is approving everything today, here is my band back in 2006 doing our Christmas original, "It's what I got in my sack"  (youtube.com)	(15)
		Remember how several controversial books, including The Tempest by Shakespeare, were banned by the Tucson AZ school district? Turns out not so much. Liberal media strikes again  (azcentral.com)	(83)

		Scientists find 314 lost fossils from Darwin collection. Fox News says it adds up to about 19 a year since the beginning of time  (foxnews.com)	(61)
		Russians officially convinced it was US radar that downed their Phobos Ground spacecraft  (english.pravda.ru)	(61)

		Paul is in party of Lincoln, but rejects what he stood for. You can't explain that  (philly.com)	(249)
(Some Guy)		Tampa Bay plans to take their time in hiring their head coach. Translation: "No one wants this POS job, for God's sake we couldn't convince Wade Phillips to come down here"  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(30)
		$5 million an inch  (dailymail.co.uk)	(100)

		The rising number of hazing incidents--including a recent one where wrestlers sodomized teammates with jump rope--are worrying coaches. Not because it's illegal and disgusting, but because it sullies the storied history of their teams  (desmoinesregister.com)	(55)
		In an effort to isolate themselves from everybody, Iran says that any OPEC country that tries to increase oil production to offset any Iranian oil embargo will be considered an "unfriendly act"  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(168)

The 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon have taken an incestuous turn for the worse  (starpulse.com)

(151)

		Finally. Incontrovertible proof that John Edwards' heart IS defective  (cnn.com)	(79)
		Fark Party Chicago - 14 JAN - Lincoln Tap Room - 7pm  (fark.com)	(140)
		Mortuary fire incinerates hundreds... in other news, mortuary employees set for week off  (msnbc.msn.com)	(31)
		India marks one year since its last polio case. Now if we could only get that whole vaccination thing going here in the US  (cbsnews.com)	(13)

		Saint Tebow's game-winning TD may have received some divine intervention - if you count incompetent referees as deities, at least  (sports.yahoo.com)	(157)
		Kutcher wants to return to 'Two and a Half Men', which is coincidentally the number of remaining viewers  (wrcbtv.com)	(62)
(Some Guy)		The number of employees who claim they have witnessed improper contributions to campaigns and parties has gone up since 2010. Fark: By 400%  (rollcall.com)	(22)
(Some Canuck)		Canadian government to replace mouthwash with vodka. Their best idea since EVER  (z1043.com)	(81)
		Airlines needing additional income to cover rising fuel costs, now looking heavily at fat people  (news.com.au)	(105)
(Some Guy)		The Lincoln MKZ concept received a smoking hot reception at the Detroit Auto Show  (autoblog.com)	(77)

		Google will incorporate results from Facebook, Twitter, Google+ pages into searches, meaning it will take your dumb aunt that much longer to get to Snopes and find out the shark did not jump out at the helicopter  (edition.cnn.com)	(48)
		Credit card skimmers make off with treasure in Sierra Madre. Suspects include a bearded man in a beat-up fedora and a Mexican man in a giant hat who claimed to be a law enforcement officer but refused to show a badge  (ktla.com)	(22)
		It's not the systemic incompetence and the firing of the head coach every year. The reason the Raiders suck is because of their stadium  (espn.go.com)	(65)

(Some Guy)		If you thought Wall Street salary increases were ridiculous, one new CEO's salary is 900,017 times that of his predecessor. OCCUPY APPLE  (9to5mac.com)	(41)
(Some Guy)		As a paramedic, you're trained in various ways to revive an unconscious patient. Pinching her breasts is not one of them  (nhregister.com)	(74)
		Peoria schools consider replacing full-time custodians with outsourced part-timers, including high school students working weeknights from 5 to 9. "I thought it would be a great opportunity for students to get work experience"  (azcentral.com)	(225)
(That's a whole lot of wrong)		It's not news, it's incestuous lesbian pedo rape phone porn  (sunshinecoastdaily.com.au)	(141)
		"But since then, [The Heritage Foundation] has come a long way in defense policy analysis, all of it downward." OH SNAP  (battleland.blogs.time.com)	(80)
		Syria's Assad promises "iron fist" and reforms, which isn't a contradiction since previously regime had been using "iron fist with spikes"  (canada.com)	(20)
(Some Guy)		The king of beers downgraded to prince of beers after 20 years on the throne  (chicagobusiness.com)	(40)
(inquisitr)		Rihanna named the biggest selling digital recording artist of all time. Statistics fail include Chris Brown's digits around her throat  (inquisitr.com)	(31)
		The face of ShamWow and prostitute punching, Vince Offer, is back with a new infomercial: Schticky  (youtube.com)	(36)
		Since 4th Edition was such a hit, Wizards of the Coast decide to work on a new edtion  (nytimes.com)	(379)

		"Extinct" tortoise may just be playing the slowest game of hide and seek ever  (blogs.nature.com)	(20)
		In a desperate attempt to increase sales, Excedrin announces that some high powered painkillers may have "accidentally" been mixed in with their regular pills  (msnbc.msn.com)	(58)
		Walgreen's opening up a new flagship store in downtown Chicago. It will feature all the things customers expect from Walgreen's, including a sushi bar, humidor, and manicurist. Wait...what?  (chicagotribune.com)	(37)
		The largely depressing fates of 10 iconic child actors. Including enough photos to make the kids from Super 8 consider months of gruelling plastic surgery before they hit 21  (shortlist.com)	(257)
(TorrentFreak)		The Missionary Church of Kopimism (file sharing) is now recognized as an official religion in Sweden. A Catholic bishop has just labeled it "farcical" since it has no God. Wait until this guy hears about Buddhism  (torrentfreak.com)	(114)
		The finer points of hockey explained, including the shame of going in the box  (liveleak.com)	(23)
		Grab your tiny violin and begin to play - compensation for Wall Street brokers, traders to be the lowest since the crisis in 2008  (thedailybeast.com)	(21)

		Santorum's daughter might not have been so upset in that famous election night photo if she'd realized her dad's income was going to soar 600% after he left the Senate  (news.yahoo.com)	(118)
(WTSP)		Speeding tickets increase after DOT puts bags over speed limit signs  (wtsp.com)	(113)
(Some Guy)		Romney claims the U.S. is "inches away from no longer being a free economy." Politifact throws gasoline on Romney's pants, flicks a match in his direction  (politifact.com)	(279)
(Some Guy)		In the United States, there are more raped women than smokers of both genders. In other news, there has been a significant increase of apple tree growth, but the shortage of oranges continues  (significancemagazine.org)	(595)
		22,000 chicks killed in fire. Beavis and Butt-head inconsolable  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(31)
(NME)		Woman claims Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails music told her her parents wanted to kill her and she needed to burn her parents' house down to survive. What, is this 1996 again?  (nme.com)	(91)
(Wilkes Barre Times-Leader)		Wilkes Barre Times-Leader profiles California anime style artist and notes his popularity greatly increased because "these fan-generated images have been receiving major attention from sites like Fark" (1st paragraph)  (timesleader.com)	(0)
		Tina Fey's post-pregnancy workout now includes smashing cars on the Letterman show  (dailymail.co.uk)	(39)

		Tonight, the remaining GOP candidates square off in preparation for the New Hampshire primary. Will Santorum blast Romney? Will it be worth watching since Bachmann is gone? The derp begins at 9pm ET on ABC  (washingtonpost.com)	(too many)
		Parent upset by questions on her child's math test which included "If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in 1 week?"  (ajc.com)	(121)
		If you had a party with everyone who has found new jobs since mid-2009, it would be the world's biggest sausage fest  (nypost.com)	(39)
		More CO2 means more environmental damage and death-and the only way to address it is to cut carbon emissions. While this makes for a catchy political message, it has the distinct disadvantage of being wrong  (slate.com)	(125)
(Bellingham Herald)		Bellingham Herald thanks FARK for the increased national traffic on their odd story about mistaken identity (Item #1)  (bellinghamherald.com)	(2)

		The Obama administration broadens the definition of rape to include men. So, apparently, it wasn't legally possible to rape a man until now  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(186)
		Barnes & Noble to join the HP and Netflix school of business of trying to divest themselves of their main source of income now, backpedaling sheepishly later  (macworld.com)	(61)
		News: Joran Van der Sloot to "sincerely" confess to murder. Fark: No, not her  (reuters.com)	(28)
		200,000 jobs added in December. Unemployment rate drops to 8.5%, which is the lowest level since February 2009. Those abortion bills are finally paying off  (money.cnn.com)	(113)
		Britons' top health complaints include being "bald and toothless", according to census. This is a repeat from 1911  (mirror.co.uk)	(17)
(La Crosse Tribune)		Want to convince a judge that you can't move your arms? Don't do pushups in your jail cell, idiot  (lacrossetribune.com)	(20)
		Kentucky Woman indicted on charges of threatening former President George W. Bush. Neil Diamond reported to be inconsolable  (washingtonpost.com)	(19)
		Looks like mercury caused the mass extinction 250 million years ago. GOP responds that's false, the Mercury Council has proven that it's good for you, and those mad hatters were just putting on an entertaining show for their customers  (physorg.com)	(22)

		Good: Romney's new tax plan includes tax increases. Fark: For those making less than $40K a year  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(140)
		Today's criminal who's definitely NOT a farker is a guy who robbed an adult store for just the cash, incense and potpourri  (kentucky.com)	(28)
		Great news for you morons in the housing market. Since you're too stupid to understand what you are doing Obama has set up an 800 number for you to call so the government can tell you if you're getting a good deal  (nation.foxnews.com)	(66)
		And the biatchslapping of Congress continues. After "recess-appointing" Cordray to head the CFPB yesterday, Obama did the same for the three NLRB members Republicans have been blocking since last year  (news.yahoo.com)	(224)
		What if Virginia lifts ban on uranium mining? Well, radioactive large cocktail peanuts, glow in the dark Chincoteague ponies, mutants raging through the streets of Arlington and Alexandria... wait that last one is a good thing  (sciencedaily.com)	(30)
		Now that the United States has left Iraq, Iraq is experiencing stability not seen since the days of Saddam Hussein  (cnn.com)	(109)
		Woman gives police inconsistent stories in regard to where her missing son, sharpie, have been for more than a month  (news.yahoo.com)	(83)
		Amazing new headphones blast music through your skull via "bone conduction". Scientists haven't observed this much "bone conduction" since observing your mom last night  (news.discovery.com)	(36)

		Can Liverpool make a run for a Champions League spot? Can Spurs make a run for the title? A smattering of midweek fixtures includes a Man City v Liverpool match up on Tuesday followed by Newcastle v Man United on Wednesday  (dailymail.co.uk)	(166)
(Some Guy)		Teen girl missing since 2010 turns up in Colombia. FARK: She was deported by ICE. DOUBLE FARK: She's a U.S. citizen, black, and speaks no Spanish  (wfaa.com)	(264)
		New York Times takes a liberal price increase  (huffingtonpost.com)	(14)
		Judge rules that Darryl Strawberry's ex-wife can't touch the $800,000 she got in their divorce settlement until the IRS gets their cut, she hits at least one pinch-hit grand slam, and appears in at least four All-Star games  (tmz.com)	(18)
		Houston sportswriter: "Here is a list of 12 reasons why the Texans will beat the Bengals this Saturday." Cincinnati sportswriter: "Aw, hell naw"  (cincinnati.com)	(129)

		Embattled Sears hires former Brookstone CEO. Because if anyone can convince people to buy useless crap like USB-powered nose hair trimmers with integrated coffee mug warmer, it's Brookstone  (nytimes.com)	(42)
		Man eats a slice from every pizzeria in Manhattan, including Ray's, Original Ray's, Ray's Original, Famous Ray's Original, New York Ray's, El Rey's, and 350 other places that suck compared to your favorite  (nydailynews.com)	(223)
		Herman Cain's qualifications for Secretary of Defense include serving several dangerous tours in the Omaha province and braving the streets of NYC to take a tour of the Intrepid  (cbsnews.com)	(152)
		Barney Frank offers succinct new slogan for Democrats: 'We're not perfect, but they're nuts'  (mediaite.com)	(276)
		Kris Humphries sidelined with shoulder injury, once again has trouble getting his shot to fall into opening with 18-inch diameter  (nj.com)	(15)
		Snoop Dogg helps a cutie Price is Right contestant try for a vintage '62 Lincoln convertible by guessing the total of five grocery items. Does she win? Hint: contestant's guess, Snoop a little high  (youtube.com)	(35)
		Five Taliban factions merge to form Taliban Voltron. Princess Allura last seen scrambling for a burka  (cnn.com)	(48)
		Since Metta World Peace and Chad Ochocinco were already taken, I guess this was the next best choice  (myfoxdc.com)	(51)

		Bachmann admits to supporters that it will take "a miracle" to save her campaign. Apparently she figures that since God isn't busy with Tim Tebow anymore, maybe he's got some spare time  (news.yahoo.com)	(23)
		Some info to share with the delusional nutbags who are convinced that Mayans piloting UFOs will attack Earth this December  (huffingtonpost.com)	(70)
(AFP)		Right now, six people running for the job of the leader of the most powerful nation on earth are trying desperately to convince voters that they don't believe in science and won't govern based on it  (thejakartaglobe.com)	(511)
		Eerie pictures from inside a Ghost Village: Site that's been abandoned since World War II gets its only visitors of the year  (dailymail.co.uk)	(47)

		Fifteen religious predictions for 2012 includes classic Apocalypse occurring if President Obama is reelected  (religion.blogs.cnn.com)	(104)
		Koch Industries blows up children, blames government regulations "While business was becoming increasingly regulated, we kept thinking and acting as if we lived in a pure market economy"  (bloomberg.com)	(115)
(News Tribune)		News Tribune (Tacoma, WA) thanks FARK for the increased traffic to their website after picking up the story about the mistaken death of a high school reunion member (1st story)  (thenewstribune.com)	(3)

		Dover International Raceway finally takes a good, hard look at NASCAR fans and decides to widen the seats by four inches  (espn.go.com)	(12)
		AGNES, a suit developed by MIT, makes you feel like a lazy, malnourished 75 year-old. No word if it includes successful bowel movement celebration mode  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(28)
		Midwestern manufacturing industries have enjoyed 28 straight months of increasing revenue and profit, mostly because the 1% have figured out how to more effectively squeeze the balls of the significantly reduced workforce  (npr.org)	(142)
(Protective People)		Police ponder public porn problem? Pfft, proliferation protests push puritanical principles. Protecting pre-pubescent progeny praiseworthy, providing poised policy pursued  (windsorstar.com)	(44)
		Best NBA finish in opening week: Vince Carter hits three pointer with 1.4 seconds left. Kevin Durant hits three point game winner with 1.0 seconds left  (youtube.com)	(45)

(Just A Good Ol' Boy)		TV stunt actor born in 1969, famous for a single stunt known to millions, has lived like a couch on a Georgia porch mostly since. After getting almost as much work done as Joan Rivers, he's ready for a comeback. Too bad he's typecast  (barrett-jackson.com)	(287)
		For the first time since your grandpa was a kid, the US exported more fuel than it imported this year. Let's take a victory lap  (old.news.yahoo.com)	(93)
		Bambi trailer + Inception music. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAM  (youtube.com)	(28)
		Incredible comic superhero weapons brought to life  (techeblog.com)	(35)
		Titanic artifact collection to be put up for auction. No word on whether that sketch of Kate Winslet's rack will be included free of charge  (msnbc.msn.com)	(17)
		Scientists film panda eating meat in China. They hadn't seen a feral beast eat this much meat since they filmed your mom last night  (bbc.co.uk)	(36)

		If you've ever wanted to read the long-out-of print, incredibly awesome Blade Runner sketchbook, someone has graciously uploaded it to the internet so you can see firsthand the greatness of what could have been  (wired.com)	(80)
		Sperm study could help infertile couples. INCONCEIVABLE  (upi.com)	(54)
		Debra Messing and her new NBC co-star Will Chase have both bailed on their respective spouses. Coincidence? Nope. Smitten? Yep  (bittenandbound.com)	(33)
(Portfolio.com)		Is medical pot a big business? Fresh off last month's purchase of Marijuana.com for $4.20 million, General Cannabis Inc. buys a software-development company. Toke, Mortimer, toke  (portfolio.com)	(25)
		The Iowa chairman for Michele Bachmann's presidential campaign has left his position and signed on with RON PAUL. This is the biggest blow a Bachmann has taken since Marcus realized he didn't have $500 on him for that transvestite hooker   (caucuses.desmoinesregister.com)	(21)
		Obama tries to gain the favor of Politics-tab Farkers by eating a dinner that includes bacon-wrapped pork loin. This might be the one thing bacon can't do  (thehill.com)	(57)
		Vice principal films boys sports events, shower activities. Facebook posting: No one is perfect  (nj.com)	(43)
		Ecuador prepares for the traditional New Year's incineration of Incredible Hulk and Papa Smurf  (io9.com)	(4)

		Jewel's family set for Alaska reality show. Sarah Palin rolls her eyes, goes back to mumbling something incoherent  (contactmusic.com)	(68)
		Bon Iver making the first workout DVD targeted exclusively at hipsters. Exercises will include intense plaid shirt buttoning, repetitive beard stroking, and coffee cup curls  (huffingtonpost.com)	(46)
		National Film Registry adds 25 classic films, including Bambi, Silence of the Lambs, Forrest Gump, and Stand and Deliver  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(56)
(herald online)		Herald Online (South Carolina) picks their Top 10 most-read local stories for 2011 and notes "a few that were picked up by national websites including Fark.com"  (heraldonline.com)	(3)
		If you've ever wanted to see a grown-up Calvin & Hobbes fighting an evil incarnation of Winnie the Pooh, here ya go  (io9.com)	(52)
		The top ten political blunders of 2011, including Rick Perry choosing to debate, Mitch Daniels sitting the election out and whatever the hell Tim Pawlenty is  (politico.com)	(46)
		RNC Chairman Reince Priebus: "Chill out, the nominee has already been picked. You think we allow this to chance?"  (politico.com)	(163)
		Kim Jong-Il carried to his final rest...in a Lincoln Continental?  (cnn.com)	(118)
		Georgia is making $10 million per year from increase in speeding fines that passed because backers lied about how revenue would be used  (11alive.com)	(50)

		In a few weeks Airlines will be forced to post the entire price of a ticket, including mandatory fees and government imposed taxes, as part of the fare  (nytimes.com)	(132)
		Why Eagles' recent victories have made Andy Reid look slightly less incompetent  (bleacherreport.com)	(52)
		O'shane Guthrie, 27, faces a total of 13 charges in connection with the incident, including possession of cocaine for the purposes of trafficking, failure to stop for police, and having a ridiculous name  (thestar.com)	(59)
		Prince Philip leaves hospital after two surgeries. Based on the photo, not sure if he survived the second one  (people.com)	(57)
		Obama approval rating hits highest level since July, unanimously wins 'Comeback player of the Year' award  (dailymail.co.uk)	(186)
		Someone wrote something in the Washington Post. George W. Bush said something 6 years ago. Coincidence? It also turns out this phone number spells out "Mad dag 911G" I'm telling you, we're on to something  (theatlantic.com)	(29)
		Sixers player convinces would-be robber not to rob, then treated him to McDonald's  (espn.go.com)	(16)
		Obama's racket: Define poverty as somewhere close to median income, independent of how 'poor' they really are. Use the government to 'fix' this injustice. Then rake in the votes and love of the beneficiaries  (americanthinker.com)	(291)
		Aunt Vivian from Fresh Prince of Bel Air says she will never be part of a reunion show with an asshole like Will Smith. And I'm sure he cries into his huge piles of money every night about that, honey  (tmz.com)	(102)

		96-year old army vet has been donating blood since he was 21. How much blood have you donated?  (abcnews.go.com)	(275)
		The nine most hated movies of 2011. Oh, hey, "Super 8" is also included for some strange reason  (wired.com)	(171)
		Victoria Principal planning on being one of the world's first space tourists, still looks out of this world at 61  (dailymail.co.uk)	(40)

Rash of Baby Jesus figure thefts continues. Locals say it makes no frankincense  (wxyz.com)

(26)

		Seven incredible fan-made short films  (techeblog.com)	(54)
		...and Prince Philip's heart grew three sizes that day  (thesun.co.uk)	(29)
		Initial jobless claims are lowest since April 2008, will rise again after all Salvation Army bells are finally turned in  (marketwatch.com)	(23)

		Since you weren't doing very much at work this week, the Fark Weird News Quiz should be pretty easy. Right?  (fark.com)	(34)
		In the worst tragedy on American soil since 9/11, vegetarian's life completely ruined because some stoned teenage windowlicker wouldn't make her a veggie sub. 10 years from now, we'll all remember where we were when we read this  (consumerist.com)	(192)
		ESPN gives some suggestions for Christmas gifts, including a Tackle Me Polamalu  (espn.go.com)	(18)
(Coventry Telegraph)		Man gets two years in prison for selling cocaine while being drunk and dressed as The Incredible Hulk, after police caught him green-handed  (coventrytelegraph.net)	(22)
		This video of a wildlife photographer's encounter with a troop of wild gorillas is incredible, amazing, and awesome  (liveleak.com)	(73)

(Some guy)		Still Burning: "She shows up tardy one day and hears her name called over the loud speaker to come to the principal's office. She spends the next five days behind bars"  (clarionledger.com)	(154)
		Comedy Central's 'Workaholics' might need to take some time off since Blake fractured his spine playing beer pong  (tmz.com)	(98)
		Showing his masterful grasp of American political history, Newt Gingrich challenges Mitt Romney to a Lincoln-Douglas style debate. Tiebreakers to include ba'ar wrasslin', rail spilttin' and axe throwin'  (cbsnews.com)	(95)
		Karl Rove joins the list of pinko commie lie-brals who believe the GOP is taking the wrong tack when dealing with the income tax break  (cbsnews.com)	(69)
		Julianne Moore gives the best impersonation of Sarah Palin by an actress from 30 Rock since Tina Fey. Hands down  (shortlist.com)	(103)
		Tim Minchin and Professor Brian Cox team up to sing a modern Christmas carol. That sound you hear is the sound of thousands of farkettes falling in love, and thousands more farkers suddenly doubting their sexuality  (youtube.com)	(26)

		Ten current medical procedures our descendants will find barbaric. And no, circumcision isn't included, so you can just save it  (io9.com)	(82)
		GOP so principled against giving regular Joes tax cuts that they walk off the House floor to prevent vote  (dailykos.com)	(513)
		"Chicken bones are not, in principle, problematic"  (theregister.co.uk)	(37)
(Pajiba)		The 10 Best SNL Sketches of 2011. Yes, SNL is still on, and we know, it hasn't been good since whenever. Aren't you edgy  (pajiba.com)	(121)
		Frankincense may soon be extinct because some wise guys are over-harvesting it  (mnn.com)	(89)
		Ed Wade returns to the Phillies as a special consultant. Houston Astros fans confused since they're pretty sure he's been working for Philadelphia the past five seasons  (sports.yahoo.com)	(12)
		An Iranian diplomat who saved thousands of Jews in Nazi-occupied Paris died in poverty and obscurity thirty years ago. Finally his story is being told. "There is no distinction 'I am Muslim, he is Jew' or whatever"  (bbc.co.uk)	(57)
(slam online)		Kobe Bryant says knee is 90% better. Doctors say it should completely heal since he'll no longer have to use it to beg his wife's forgiveness  (slamonline.com)	(15)
		Is there anything more distinctly American than hilariously awful family holiday photos? No, there is not  (uproxx.com)	(110)

		Income inequality in the United States is worse than in ancient Rome, and that's including the slaves. Wait until my friend Biggus Dickus hears about this  (huffingtonpost.com)	(457)
(gather.com)		"This whole incident is reminiscent of a meme popular on Fark.com - when someone dies, people will post the message "RIP,______,"  (celebs.gather.com)	(12)
		Vince the Dwarf is the world's smallest firefighter at just 4ft 2in tall. With Vince the Dwarf working his hose pic  (thesun.co.uk)	(58)

		As 2011 comes to a close, Vince Gilligan talks about filming the year's most memorable scene in television. Yes, the big scene from the "Breaking Bad" season finale. Yes, *THAT* scene. (SPOILERS)  (popwatch.ew.com)	(76)
		Legislators resigning since they can't fundraise during legislative sessions. Cue the tiny violins  (cbsnews.com)	(58)

		Florida A&M student who died in recent hazing incident was beaten like a drum  (foxnews.com)	(108)
		CEO of Domino's Pizza chosen as the best CEO of 2011 for reducing company debt while increasing stock price .... all in under 30 minutes  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)	(86)
		Woman puts $700 worth of Christmas gifts in wrong car. Who needs the Grinch to steal Christmas when you can give it away yourself?  (wxyz.com)	(77)

(WDTV)		Why do these 'mobile meth lab found outside hospital' stories always include the phrase: "It started as a disturbance at Wal-Mart"?  (wdtv.com)	(18)
		Japan's Prime Minister declares Fukushima nuclear site "stable", marking the worst stretching of the truth by a head of state since "Mission Accomplished"  (bbc.co.uk)	(64)
		Congreƒs ƒays the Pentagon ƒhould ƒee if it can recover the remains of 13 Marines miƒsing ƒince the explosion of the Intrepid. In 1804  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(65)
		Bonds sentence for obstruction of justice to include probation, fine, community service, and wearing an asterisk upon his breast  (clickorlando.com)	(12)

(Some Guy)		Let's Bring 'Em Home is underway again for 2011 and asking the Fark community for any help contributing to help buy plane tickets to fly soldiers home for Christmas. Farkers have stepped up every year since 2005 to help  (lbeh.org)	(139)
		Census shows that 50% of Americans are now poor or low income. W.onder W.here W.e W.ent W.rong  (abcnews.go.com)	(527)
(NFL.com)		Finally, a break from an incredibly slow sports news week. With finals rendering college basketball bleak, and only NBA trade rumors to follow, here is your Week 15 Thursday Night game: Jacksonville @ Atlanta. Kickoff at 8:20 EST on NFL Network  (nfl.com)	(746)
		The Salon Hack List 2011: "Criteria for inclusion included being wrong about literally everything, shameless sycophancy, appearing on 'Morning Joe' and being 'Morning Joe'"  (salon.com)	(86)
		No, Obama did not j/k on his promise to veto the defense bill if it included language to incarcerate without due process. Language of the bill was changed to exempt US citizens before being signed  (npr.org)	(259)
		Tea Party groups have evolved into increasingly sophisticated and effective network of activists. With helpful pic of what sophisticated, effective activist might look like  (reuters.com)	(77)
		The eight most memorable attacks the GOP candidates have made against one another since May  (politico.com)	(19)
		"Imagine one day that suddenly and without warning, every single vehicle in the United States built after the 1970s was totally incapable of running"  (english.pravda.ru)	(199)

		New pic of Daniel Day Lewis in full Abraham Lincoln costume is even more amazing than the last one  (comingsoon.net)	(134)
(Some Guy)		Mitt Romey's campaign slogan "Keep America American" also happens to be the slogan of the Ku Klux Klan. I'm sure it's just a coincidence  (americablog.com)	(153)
(Morning Examiner)		Since his election, President Obama has made good on his pledge to "spread the wealth around." Problem is that is hasn't been "good for everybody" like he and his supporters thought it would be   (campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com)	(196)
		Increasing numbers of students are turning to lap dancing and prostitution to pay their way through university. Amazingly, some people have a problem with this  (dailymail.co.uk)	(613)
		If the Republicans run an incredibly long primary, it will be good news...for Team Obama  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(81)
		NYT reports on increasingly popular trend of hipsters abandoning Facebook because it's too mainstream. With pic of prototypical hipster  (nytimes.com)	(201)
		MLB's new labor agreement includes more replay, longer All-Star break, longer lines at the concession stands, more Houston Astros games  (espn.go.com)	(73)

Cincinnati and Xavier facing a different kind of charging in a different kind of court  (news.yahoo.com)

(46)

		Convicted on federal corruption charges in federal court. Check. Cost taxpayers $250K+ to incarcerate in a minimum security country club. Check. Still eligible to receive a federal pension. Why of course. And you'll still reelect Congress  (dailyherald.com)	(69)
		Watch as this conservative GOP audience cheers for child labor, as Upton Sinclair spins in his grave  (rawstory.com)	(300)
(The State Column)		"Mr. Bevis noted that an unusually hot melting season in 2010 ... led to large portions of the ...an...'s ...ock rising an additional quarter of an inch." Heh heh heh, cool  (thestatecolumn.com)	(24)
		A sobering look at the post-NFL lives of the 1986 Cincinnati Bengals  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(58)
		Large firms are no longer just sitting on their cash and not hiring people, they are increasingly stiffing small businesses for payment owed on services and products  (sfgate.com)	(148)

		This just in: coffee shops near college campuses see an increase in profit during finals week  (press-citizen.com)	(15)
		Five incredible miniature engines that actually work  (techeblog.com)	(37)
		McDonald's reports increase of 7.4% in sales, customer's waistlines  (usatoday.com)	(17)
		Not news: woman wants to convince her husband to move to a better neighborhood. News: She fakes her own rape to do it. Fark: She's a prison psychologist  (newsobserver.com)	(81)

		Grinch steals holidays from Boca Raton  (sun-sentinel.com)	(42)
		Crude oil prices headed for biggest weekly drop since September. Prices at the pump to rise anyway because f*ck you  (bloomberg.com)	(17)
(Some Guy)		Here are some modernized Disney princesses, all ink-stained and pierced like the way you fear your daughter will end up  (blog.thaeger.com)	(80)
		Lloyds Bank staff being sent to comedy school at company expense, presumably so they can point and laugh at you even more convincingly the next time you apply for a loan  (dailymail.co.uk)	(5)
		Scientists found that supplementing the cows' feed with the leftover material from wine-making reduced methane emissions by 20%, increased milk production by 5% and raised snobbery levels 100%  (news24.com)	(70)
		Coca-Cola moves its secret formula (water, sugar, brown food coloring) to a different vault for first time since they removed opium from the recipe  (washingtonpost.com)	(135)

		Yet more evidence that's ESPN fake "Total QB" rating is Total BS: QBs rated ahead of Eli Manning this week included Tyler Palko, Dan Orlovsky, Blaine Gabbert, and Josh Johnson  (espn.go.com)	(51)
(Some Guy)		Sixteen-year-old who took sword from Lincoln Memorial says, "the sword came loose when I grabbed it"  (stlouis.cbslocal.com)	(116)
		Judge to blogger: I am sorry, but if you go around making shiat up which you know is incorrect you cannot call yourself a journalist. Blogger to Judge: OBJECTION  (news.cnet.com)	(104)
		The 30 freakiest commercials of 2011, including Jean-Claude Van Damme comparing Coors Light to his tight, frozen crotch  (adweek.com)	(41)

		On December 1, 2011, some... THING... blocked a solar flare from hitting the planet Mercury. Theories include cloaked alien spacecraft, planetary wake, and yo' mama  (news.yahoo.com)	(92)
		Principal forced out over 9-year-old's sexual harassment suspension:"One mistake in 44 years, and I'm not given the benefit of the doubt. I really don't believe I was treated fairly." Zero tolerance is a biatch  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(202)
(Some Guy)		In his worst decision since Donny & Marie, Chewbacca will guest star on Glee  (usmagazine.com)	(88)
		School bus drivers ordered to remove Christmas decorations, including ribbons, bows, snowflakes, Christmas crackers, snowmen, elves, Santa Claus and angels from their buses. That's stup-- angels? BURN IN HELL OTTO  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(57)
		Contrary to popular belief, atheists do take their families to church. "We thought that these individuals might be less inclined to introduce their children to religious traditions, but we found the exact opposite to be true"  (religion.blogs.cnn.com)	(522)

		The first clause in the first sentence of the article is a proper noun, the second clause is comedy gold, and the final clause is pure fail. Whew, it's been a while since Subby had to diagram a sentence  (stltoday.com)	(51)
		Senator McCain: Well, instead of those lower income tax breaks, how about tax cuts for corporations? Don't understand why no one's ever thought of that. In addition, we should offer tax cuts for corporations  (thinkprogress.org)	(81)
(Some Guy)		In honor of Reince Priebus offering a $100 reward for a photo of Obama with Sen. Bob Casey, photoshop Obama and Casey meeting in unexpected ways  (buildingabrandonline.com)	(29)
		In Virginia, the first day of school is determined by: a) Your local school board, b) the school's principal, c) the PTA, or d) the state's theme park industry?  (slate.com)	(93)
		The Incredible Bulk tears his clothes off and ambushes couple on their own front porch. You wouldn't like him when he's angry, and pumped up on steroids  (ajc.com)	(42)
		UK November retail sales weakest since May. When will they learn to emulate Americans and spend money they don't have?  (bbc.co.uk)	(5)
		Artist deciphers mystery of the Mona Lisa, spotting three secret animals hidden in the picture. Also, Da Vinci apparently painted it sideways  (thesun.co.uk)	(79)
		Since no one in Washington seems interested in building a case against the corruption on Wall Street, 60 Minutes is all like "Step aside biatches, we got this"  (iheartchaos.com)	(270)

		Ain't no party like a Lehigh University rave party 'cause a Lehigh University rave party don't stop until 35 people are hospitalized in a "mass casualty incident"  (mcall.com)	(49)
		Barnaby arrested for DWI. Woodrow the Woodsman inconsolable  (content.usatoday.com)	(34)
		The EU says that chocolate doesn't help children grow, ignoring the obvious horizontal inches  (foxnews.com)	(15)
		The ten stories you probably missed in 2011, including the fact that India now has a huge army  (foreignpolicy.com)	(123)
		Ford's 2013 Lincoln MKS Sedan will have technology to tell when the driver is distracted. Control switch to be found under knob for voice texting and between video player and GPS  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)	(51)
		Packers clinch NFC North, Rodgers does the Discount Double Check  (washingtonpost.com)	(129)
		The most incredible Jack Skellington costume you'll see EVER. Everyone hail to the pumpkin king  (youtube.com)	(38)

		Whats bigger than Lucille's Balls and Whinny's Pooh? Give up? Why its Lincoln Log and we've got a picture of the epic driftwood  (mnn.com)	(42)
		Sexy portrait of Queen Victoria painted in 1843 kept Prince Albert busy in the can  (dailymail.co.uk)	(51)
		Queen's income down from $120m to $59m a year. Obviously it's because of the new singer  (telegraph.co.uk)	(42)
		Man stranded in snow for three days survives on frozen Coors Light, which article incorrectly identifies as "beer"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(47)

(Some Guy)		Protip: If your disturbed wife's shopping list includes plastic sheets, gallons of bleach, eight roasting pans, and a Sawzall, you might want to spend the holidays elsewhere  (heraldnet.com)	(82)
		SEC launches investigation into financing of new stadium. Since this will be on the Sports tab, Subby expects lots of lame jokes about why the Southeastern Conference would care about a baseball stadium  (sports.yahoo.com)	(33)
		The Prince of Darkness himself, Ozzy Osbourne, is 63 today. Here's his most accessible, most-known solo hit  (youtube.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)		What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Unless you're Prince Harry and you're lugging around a six-foot furry whale  (heraldsun.com.au)	(10)

		9 nerdy film locations you can visit including Middle Earth, Rick Deckard's apartment, Initech HQ and Yavin 4  (wired.com)	(58)
		"We're seeing increasingly wholesale monitoring of entire populations with no suspicion of wrongdoing - the data is being monitored and stored in the hope that it might one day be useful." It's called the internet  (theregister.co.uk)	(85)
		Ticketmaster to repay for profiting off of process fees, but will probably charge you a inconvenience charge in the process  (finance.yahoo.com)	(34)
		Peyton Manning given green light to increase activity. Injury becoming less of a pain in the neck  (espn.go.com)	(14)
		November unemployment rate dips to 8.6%, the lowest since 2009  (foxnews.com)	(332)
(Some Guy)		In what may be the biggest load of crap since the whole "If you've ever smoked a joint, you caused 9/11" campaign, a legislator compares copyright infringement to child porn  (techdirt.com)	(22)

		Median income continues to plummet in real terms. Eeeeeexcellent  (guardian.co.uk)	(22)
(Some Guy)		Michele Bachmann steals email list from a bunch of homeschoolers. Toothy wives inconsolable  (theiowarepublican.com)	(31)
		Facebook increases status update character limit to the average rant in a religion thread  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(17)
		Research has developed an algorithim to determine whether a car is about to run a red light. Yellow lights & increase of speed surprisingly absent  (wired.com)	(17)
		First photo of Daniel Day-Lewis as Abraham Lincoln. Why am I even clicking on this? I always thought he'd make a better John Wilk-- HOLY FARK  (dailymail.co.uk)	(281)

(Nanowerk)		Good: putting zinc oxide on your nose helps prevent skin cancer. Bad: zinc oxide nanoparticles can create other cancers. In a related story, cancer is a relentless, cruel biatch  (nanowerk.com)	(27)
(Politiken)		Doctors: Okay, let's put the NATO Secretary General here to heal his broken arm. Patient: But what about me and my incurable cancer? Doctors: How about a nice windowless office?  (politiken.dk)	(57)
		It's only been about a year since lawmakers called for a total end to earmarks, so it should come as no surprise to you at all that lawmakers slipped hundreds of earmarks into recent legislation  (washingtonpost.com)	(28)
(Some Hamburglar Guy)		San Francisco's regulations on the sale of Happy Meals has actually led to an increase in sales  (blogs.sfweekly.com)	(49)
		Former Spin Doctor slams British media, the two princes who adore them  (finance.yahoo.com)	(9)

		Abraham Lincoln more popular than Jesus, sliced bread  (dailykos.com)	(52)
		ALF voting questioned, since he is a non-voting alien  (miamiherald.com)	(27)
		Orly Taitz has found new allies in the New Hampshire GOP as she continues on her mad quest to incorrectly prove Obama isn't a natural born citizen  (salon.com)	(150)
		Family puzzled that snowboarder died while wearing helmet, since everyone knows helmets grant the wearer complete invincibility in any activity  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)		Star Wars: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas Edition  (inquisitr.com)	(10)
(Some Reporter)		News: Reporter finds that most people who investigate foreclosures get scammed. Fark: Including said reporter  (poynter.org)	(24)
		Republicans seek to reduce the deficit by slashing the taxes for the wealthiest of us all and throwing out 95% of overseas income taxes. No, quit laughing. They're serious  (news.yahoo.com)	(245)
		Marmite: Love it or hate it... or be inconvenienced by its life-threatening tendencies  (guardian.co.uk)	(33)

		Middle school basketball defeat is so humiliating and lopsided, the principal is considering canceling the entire season  (rivals.yahoo.com)	(88)
		Newly released footage from 1930's shows dog jumping incredible distances. Wanted steak. Got steak  (shortlist.com)	(26)
		Cyber Monday plug: every Fark Shop order placed today gets a Mystery Bonus included free with every order. LGT the shirt that the TFers have been requesting for the last six months  (shop.fark.com)	(72)
		"...No one calculated until now that banks reaped an estimated $13 billion of income by taking advantage of the Fed's below-market rates..." Suck it peons  (bloomberg.com)	(22)
		Media hypocrisy at its finest? ESPN roasting Paterno for not reporting abuse, meanwhile they had tapes confirming Bernie Fine abusing kids since 2003 and DIDN'T REPORT IT  (blahbethany.com)	(84)
		Parents increasingly hit Google to help pick baby names, particularly to avoid stripper names for their daughters. "I didn't want there to be a Google identity for her to wrestle with"  (nytimes.com)	(264)

		Oh great. Being heir to the throne, fabulously wealthy, and having a beautiful wife should be good enough for just about anyone. Then Prince William has to up the ante by saving drowning sailors  (dailymail.co.uk)	(190)
		Since ICE has apparently rounded up all the Mexicans, they've started deporting citizens  (m.startribune.com)	(94)

(Some Guy)		Moving eight years of stuff out of Iraq is the largest move of equipment the military has done since WWII  (wtkr.com)	(201)
		CNN does a summary of the Black Friday incidents. Bonus quote: "most of the reported incidents [happened] at or near Walmart stores." Tag is for humanity  (edition.cnn.com)	(70)

		Chinese firm states it will not accept applications from Scorpios or Virgos. An idea this stupid was probably the brainchild of some Leo; those guys are all dicks  (upi.com)	(27)
		Sue Paterno told to leave swimming pool on the Penn State campus. Before you get outraged, remember, her husband's no longer a university employee and techincally she was trespassing  (huffingtonpost.com)	(219)

		Scientists pontificate that observing the female form without textile impediments increases cerebral activity, with corresponding increase in intell--BOOBIES  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(273)
(Some Guy)		What bad economy? Survival shop reports increase of sales to people preparing for 'possible collapse of society'  (stlouis.cbslocal.com)	(192)
(GameSpot)		EA: Sorry PS3 gamers who bought BF3, we aren't including BF1943 like we promised. Gamers: Okay, here is a lawsuit. EA: Sorry, there seem to be some misunderstandings here  (gamespot.com)	(70)
		UFO lands in Nevada desert. First encounter is with a hunter from Auburn holding a shotgun. Hunter shoots UFO repeatedly (includes video of UFO trying to escape)  (news10.net)	(143)
		Couple has cow-themed wedding, including tractor, and roast beef for dinner. Oh, now we see why  (dailymail.co.uk)	(38)
(jezebel)		New study says that redheads are more likely to be afraid of going to the dentist, have higher incidence of gingervitis  (jezebel.com)	(19)
		Video of UC Davis incident shows Occupiers AGREEING to be pepper sprayed  (youtube.com)	(191)

		Band director fired after drummer dies in hazing incident. In other news, apparently bands have hazing rituals  (11alive.com)	(79)
		Researchers find that eating a can of soup a day can increase your BPA levels 1000%. Mmmm, mmmm, not good  (cbsnews.com)	(86)
		New comic releases this week include Fantastic Four, X-Men, and RON PAUL  (kotaku.com)	(7)
		All the Champions League goals, including Real Madrid's three goals to Dinamo Zagreb in 9 minutes  (eitb.com)	(21)
		Smartphones increase productivity, according to unproductive reporter that will be packing up his desk very soon  (businessnewsdaily.com)	(4)
		Kirstie Alley weight loss regimen includes low carb eating, cardio training, cigarette butt lift  (dailymail.co.uk)	(26)

		Traffic stop yields the usual finds: six concealed handguns, several knives with blades longer than 12 inches, a hatchet, two swords, more than 5,000 rounds of ammo, and a partridge in a pear tree  (kansas.com)	(134)
		DARPA: "Let's get rid of antibiotics, since they'll be obsolete anyway." That sounds like a plan that could possib... THE HELL?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(65)
(Some Guy)		I'm not sure which is more baffling, stabbing a man with an ice pick in a road rage incident, or owning an ice pick in Florida  (baynews9.com)	(44)
(Some Guy)		Here's how to save the NBA: All starting fives must include an Elvis impersonator on stilts. Or, well, this other plan  (scholarsandrogues.com)	(18)
		Ellen Page rumored to be in The Dark Knight Rises. This really *is* turning out to be an Inception reunion. (possible spoiler)  (pastemagazine.com)	(81)
		CNN Anchor rips John Kerry a new one over the Super Committee's incompetence...yeah, just kidding, she said he sounded "very sexy"  (newsbusters.org)	(55)
(Some Guy)		Closing in on the round of 16, today's Champions League matches include Lyon v Ajax, Bayern v Villarreal, and Napoli v Manchester City  (uefa.com)	(26)

		Sales of existing US homes unexpectedly increase. Ashton Kutcher's punking us, isn't he?  (bloomberg.com)	(16)
		UC Davis suspends Police Chief in pepper spray incident, three days after two campus police officers sprayed SEATED protesters during an OWS demonstration  (nytimes.com)	(527)

		Increased use of GPS tracking devices: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. Ubiquitous presence of surveillance cameras: Mild concern. Unfettered growth of license plate tracking cameras: Meh  (washingtonpost.com)	(103)
		Study designed to illustrate just how effeminate Britain has become says men take longer to get ready than women -- including more time cleansing, toning and moisturizing  (telegraph.co.uk)	(98)
		Larry Anderson discovers the fine distinction between an inbounds pass and just dribbling it in  (youtube.com)	(25)

Dear GOP, you pay us $850,000 and we'll undermine OWS. Sincerely, a bunch of lobbyists  (openchannel.msnbc.msn.com)

(407)

		Newt Gingrich says being without his lobbyist income is 'challenging.' Without it, he can't afford the world's tiniest violin  (dailykos.com)	(53)
		Republicans will allow tax increases in exchange for cutting medicare, social security, popular deductions, corporate taxes, and top tax rate. No word on who gets taxes raised  (finance.yahoo.com)	(196)
(Some Guy)		Canadian univeristy's marching band suspended for pamphlets with titles like "Mouth raping your little sister since 1905"  (queensjournal.ca)	(65)
		Five reasons why we'll miss Regis. Not included is "his inhuman patience in the face of Kathie Lee Gifford"  (people.com)	(31)
		Pakistan's list of words you can't say on mobile phones includes...monkey crotch, wuutang, period, flatulence. You have been warned  (msnbc.msn.com)	(107)

		Female teacher accused of operating porn sites on school-issued computer, including MySluttyTeacher.com ... A++  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(285)
(Some Guy)		Since Herman Cain announced he was running for President, Godfather's Pizza has come to be viewed more positively by Republicans, more negatively by Dems. Independents have always thought it was soggy cardboard  (brandindex.com)	(95)
		This college professor says the First Amendment guarantees your right to A. Free speech. B. Be on the news. C. Convince everyone your opinions are correct. If you answered B and C, you can probably guess which college he works for  (huffingtonpost.com)	(99)
(Some Guy)		Even the President of the United States can't stop copper thieves from looting. No, not Obama. Abraham Lincoln  (wsiltv.com)	(60)
		Dear #occupy USA: This is how you do it. Sincerely, Kuwaitis  (time.com)	(111)
		Prince William has apparently snuck one past the royal goaltender  (nydailynews.com)	(95)

		What this is I don't even.. wait, is that Lincoln on keys?  (youtube.com)	(17)
		Skyrim ships 7 million copies since release. In related news, missing persons reports skyrocket  (g4tv.com)	(896)
		F/T, competitive pay, benefits, frequent travel may be required, bachelor's degree a must, blood pressure under 140/90, between 62 and 75 inches tall, must speak Russian, fax resume cover letter ATT: NASA  (myfoxdc.com)	(120)
		Updo your hair and set phasers to nerd: It's Captain Kirk vs. Princess Leia in a battle of the sci-fi franchises   (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com)	(166)
		Cast and crew of The Expendables 2 caused significant damage to a protected bat cave. Sure, Bruce can afford to fix it, but it's the principle of the thing  (deadline.com)	(50)
		Key witness in Jerry Sandusky sex abuse case changes his story about shower incident after costing four people their jobs. Hopefully they're not butthurt over it  (pennlive.com)	(323)
(The Epoch Times)		China: the Enron of countries: "Every province in China is Greece", "The regime's officially published GDP of 9 percent is also fabricated . . . China's GDP has decreased 10 percent"  (theepochtimes.com)	(95)

		Since they're already a joke, the Baltimore Orioles decide to turn their mascot into a cartoon  (sports.yahoo.com)	(63)
		Two sugary soft drinks per day greatly increases heart attack risk in women and presumably the men who see them naked  (dailymail.co.uk)	(46)
(I_C_Weener)		Indianapolis Fark Party, at Frontpage Sportsbar on Friday, December 2d, 8:00pm until ???? No truth to the rumor that we will have a Drew look alike contest since the last one was won by a woman. LGT site  (frontpagesportsbar.com)	(26)
		Birth control pills may be linked to increased prostate cancer. I don't think you're using them right  (news.nationalpost.com)	(89)
(NME)		Pete Doherty is convinced that his flat is haunted by the ghost of Amy Winehouse. No, Pete, that's just the DTs talking  (nme.com)	(16)
		New captive breeding program hopes to replace the nearly extinct impulse shopper with Shopperus Moronus  (businessweek.com)	(52)
		Five incredible technologies and gadgets created by college students  (techeblog.com)	(47)
		Now that the NBA players' union has dissolved itself, that means every player's contract becomes void. Including three high-profile stars in Miami  (sun-sentinel.com)	(150)

		Most terrifying Russian invention since the ICBM  (foxnews.com)	(148)
		Coincidentally, the Iranian arms chief spontaneously detonates. Coincidentally  (smh.com.au)	(72)
		The full trailer for The Iron Lady has Meryl Streep literally pleading for another Oscar. Poor thing hasn't been nominated since last year  (shortlist.com)	(22)

		In case you forgot the lesson taught by the extinction of the western black rhino, here are some African elephants to remind you that people suck  (sciencedaily.com)	(16)
		Bill O'Reilly's new book on Lincoln assassination riddled with inaccuracies. It's so full of holes, they won't even sell it at Ford's Theater  (gawker.com)	(133)
		Frank Miller is an old crank who hasn't written or drawn a good comic book since the 1990s. Oh, and he said some stuff about the whole Occupy movement, too  (popwatch.ew.com)	(186)

		Not news: Cold War ended years ago. News: There are still nuclear warheads out there. Fark: Here is a story including a map of where they are  (news.yahoo.com)	(144)
		Are five-inch heels causing women to injure themselves, or are the slippery floors around the pole to blame?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(53)

(Some Guy)

There's been a Vincent Jackson sighting   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)

(9)

		Today's episode of "This should end well" brought to you by news that Prince William will be deployed to the Falkland Islands next year, which just happens to be the 30th anniversary of the Falklands War  (azstarnet.com)	(54)
		How badly does the base of the GOP hate Mitt? After last night's debate all but clinched Romney's path to the nomination, they're already openly fantasizing about a brokered convention or a floor fight to draft Palin  (news.yahoo.com)	(266)
(Some Hippie)		UC Berkeley students protesting tuition increases receive support from police. By "support," I mean "strikes" and by "police," I mean batons  (sfist.com)	(124)
		Your last chance to see one has passed...the western black rhino has been declared extinct  (bbc.co.uk)	(121)
		Arizona city Mayor tells Prince Harry "No fornicating" in his Christian town.......like he is gonna listen  (metronews.ca)	(179)
		Greek stock market soars on news that outgoing Prime Minister Papawhatever will be replaced by incoming Prime Minister Papawhatever  (bbc.co.uk)	(52)
		News: Herman Cain calls Nancy Pelosi "Princess". Fark: Ex state GOP official decides to top him. On Twitter  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(189)
		Only five years until climate change is irreversible... like my raincoat  (gothamist.com)	(144)

		Republicans say they are open to tax increases, if... wait for it... taxes are cut for the rich  (washingtonpost.com)	(328)
		If you know meteorology, these are sundogs arcing over rainclouds. If you don't, then they're UFOs  (youtube.com)	(31)
		Your snowflake is being bullied by another student do you: A) talk to the parents, B) talk to the principal, or C) Help jump the other kid at the bus stop?  (chron.com)	(185)
		Obama to sign executive order to reduce government waste. Fraud, abuse inconsolable  (huffingtonpost.com)	(73)
		"Job creators" are increasingly finding themselves without a job  (cnbc.com)	(62)
		Masai village dubs Prince Charles "he whom the cows love". Camilla seen stamping hoof jealously  (telegraph.co.uk)	(53)
		Princeton and Princeton come together to form... MEGA-PRINCETON. Naw, but seriously, just Princeton  (nj.com)	(53)
		In surviving a serious crash, an inch is as good as a mile  (youtube.com)	(47)
		For the first time in 75 years, an entire genus of mammal is on the brink of extinction. Bon appétit  (io9.com)	(75)

		Totally unconstitutional Obamacare law that will never withstand legal challenges and violates every constitutional principle ever... once again judged constitutional  (cnn.com)	(204)
		Karen Gillan wants Amy Pond to die, which would simultaneously make roughly half the Doctor Who fan base happy, and inconsolable  (mirror.co.uk)	(128)
		Marijuana possession charges against 21-year old dropped. By sheer coincidence, he's the governor's son  (stltoday.com)	(94)
		A review of the new Evanescence album: "Amy Lee bellows like a vampire princess that's been hurled into the bottomless reaches of hell, managing the singular feat of sounding ridiculous and joyless simultaneously"  (avclub.com)	(119)
(Some NDP Girl)		If adderall and booze were lethal, every college in the country would be a mass-casualty incident  (www2.dailyprogress.com)	(20)
		Morgan Stanley reports third quarter net income rose to $3.77 billion despite ongoing Occupy-protests and no additional taxes for the middle class  (abcnews.go.com)	(3)

(Some Guy)		Incredibly Inappropriate coloring books that actually exist  (flavorwire.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)		Univ. of Charleston announces 22% tuition increase for next year. Wait, 22% cut? That can't be right, I have to check this again  (ucwv.edu)	(42)
		Heralding what could be a new unit of measurement for incarceration around the world, Nigerian actor released from prison after 25 successful bowel movements  (iheartchaos.com)	(59)
		Attention single ladies: your Prince Charming awaits...at ComicCon?  (slate.com)	(80)
		Mayor criticized for using the phrase "off your meds" on Twitter, which is unfair since he was probably off his meds when he tweeted it  (canada.com)	(18)
		In MN, voting by mail demonstrably increases turnout and saves money, so naturally Republicans are against it  (startribune.com)	(117)

		Eight inches makes it tough to walk, though subby's never had a problem with it  (dailymail.co.uk)	(92)
		Still not convinced that the "Occupy" participants aren't self-entitled douchebags? How about throwing a violent fit when denied free food?  (foxnews.com)	(540)
		They might seem like superheroes, but remember ... they put their panties on one incredibly long, shapely leg at a time, just like you do  (life.com)	(41)

		The key to stealing items to sell for scrap metal is to remain inconspicuous. Stealing a parade float does not fit this criteria  (mysuncoast.com)	(24)
		Since there were no unattended packages to freak out over, emergency units rush to the scene of a popping light bulb  (azcentral.com)	(19)

		Wounded elephant gets prosthetic foot and is walking again. Includes video of ugly ass elephant gimp  (worldblog.msnbc.msn.com)	(20)
		Cain's popularity with Republicans has actually increased after his recent spate of controversy, and with less than two months left till the first primary  (abcnews.go.com)	(150)
		TSA screeners say they usually find four or five guns in airport luggage on a typical day, Cincinnati Bengals road game  (articles.cnn.com)	(100)

		Listeria outbreak in cantaloupes has become the greatest American melon tragedy since Gallagher  (wlsam.com)	(86)
		Amtrak increases age for unaccompanied minors from 8 to 13. Tests confirm it was too difficult for 8 year-olds to climb out of a train when it is on fire and lying on its side  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com)	(56)
		Protip: When fleeing from a store after stealing an iPad, be sure to first gather up all your belongings ... including your debit card  (upi.com)	(1)
		Enjoy all the Champions League goals including the second quickest goal ever, scored after just 12 seconds  (eitb.com)	(8)
		Not News: White House spokesperson quotes the Bible. News: Incorrectly. Fark: In support of a jobs initiative?  (politico.com)	(207)

		Week 10 in the Premier League: Chelsea v. Arsenal was "an incredible, 90-minute sales pitch on why this can be the most electrifying sport in the world"  (grantland.com)	(24)
		Proof that the GOP WILL entertain revenue increases to reduce the deficit. Really, really tiny proof  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(123)
		Man in superhero costume arrested for motorway incident. Unclear whether it was suicide attempt or Kryptonite-related flight failure  (news.stv.tv)	(5)

(Nashville Scene)		Not news: Occupy protester gets arrested. News: "Protester" was working member of the media covering the protest. Fark: Arrest captured on video, including officer saying "charge this one for resisting arrest"  (nashvillescene.com)	(247)
(Some Guy)		It is incomprehensible that these so called educated judges cannot understand the plain meaning of the second amendment. It is therefore reasonable to assume that they are intentionally misreading it. Therefore they are terrorists  (ammoland.com)	(269)

		Raffi's worst crime since Bananaphone  (withleather.uproxx.com)	(25)
		Old and busted: The Da Vinci code. New hotness: The Wall Street code  (wired.com)	(15)
		Dead Moammar Khadafy had an unlikely pen pal, a retired Jewish florist from Brooklyn who had been writing to him since the 1960's. The florists last letter was returned to him unopened, probably because Khadafy was a little busy lately  (nypost.com)	(70)
		Female couple named nation's first same-sex HS homecoming king and queen; proving that either we are entering a brave new word of increased tolerance and acceptance, or simply reaffirming the age-old truth that HS boys find lesbians hot  (news.yahoo.com)	(321)
		Some people will do anything for beer, including breaking into apartments and stabbing people with corkscrews when they fight back  (chicagotribune.com)	(24)
		Kim Kardashian dresses as Poison Ivy for Halloween. That's appropriate, since Kim *can* leave you with a terrible itch  (people.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)		Your science experiment sucks since it doesn't involve a hot french chick on friggin' superconducting hoverboard  (wired.co.uk)	(29)

(journal star)		Lincoln Journal Star thinks FARK's recent NFL headline is one they wish that they had written  (journalstar.com)	(0)
		Scientists say that big cats like lions and tigers could be extinct in 20 years. Sports fans in Detroit rush to stock up on team memorabilia  (usatoday.com)	(35)
		Mission still not accomplished: U.S. plans post-Iraq troop increase in Persian Gulf including new combat forces in Kuwait capable of re-invading Iraq just as soon as their government collapses  (nytimes.com)	(337)
		You are free to smoke in your home, since your home is your castle*, and you are free to do as you wish. *Your apartment, condo, or public housing is not a castle  (sun-sentinel.com)	(190)
		Pregnant woman involved in hit-and-run car crash dies after giving birth. Since the article doesn't mention the baby's father, we can assume this is the second hit-and-run she was a victim of this year  (hosted.ap.org)	(136)

(Some Guy)

You know what an inconvenience it is when a raccoon or a squirrel dies in the crawlspace of your attic? Now image it being your plumber  (adelaidenow.com.au)

(55)

		Prince William no longer needs his crown jewels to become monarch  (telegraph.co.uk)	(95)
		Catholic Mass liturgy to change for the first time since the 60's; will now include segment where the faithful say "Pie Iesu domine" and hit themselves in the forehead with a board  (washingtonpost.com)	(173)
		Rare 1956 film of extinct woodpecker makes ornithologists ha-ha-ha-hap-py  (msnbc.msn.com)	(21)
		How to reboot Star Trek for modern TV. Yes, Wheaton is included  (forbes.com)	(160)

(The Random Fact)		Tibet's unrest grows after tenth Tibetan sets himself on fire. After all, immolation is the sincerest form of flattery  (therandomfact.com)	(76)
		Pilferer pinched for pot possession post pumpkin pitching  (nj.com)	(30)
(WBALTV)		Student goes to principal to express he's been having suicidal thoughts. Principal has student's belongings searched, finds gun. Police arrest student. Problem solved  (wbaltv.com)	(76)

		One percenter speaks up - in support of Occupy. "I was amazed this summer when I watched the Republicans push the US to the brink of default over a partial Bush tax cut repeal. We wouldn't have noticed a 3.5% tax increase"  (dailykos.com)	(252)
		In 2006, multimillionaire Barack Obama failed to pay $8,558.46 in state income taxes, forcing the state of Illinois to file a tax lien that he fought until 2008. This would be an outrage, if it were actually Obama, and not Herman Cain  (news.yahoo.com)	(125)
		Watch out, ungrateful BofA customers: The CEO is "incensed" that you don't like being gouged  (dailykos.com)	(327)
		Since the Colts are so awful without Peyton Manning, shouldn't he be considered for MVP?  (espn.go.com)	(143)
		The natural-gas boom has led to old-west style hell-raising, and an increase in violence, rapes, robbery, cattle rustling, rapes, and thefts  (hosted2.ap.org)	(129)
(Some Guy)		Listen to the track-by-track cover of U2's 'Achtung Baby' featuring Nine Inch Nails, The Killers, Jack White, Patti Smith, Depeche Mode and more  (slicingupeyeballs.com)	(117)
		Pope Benedict XVI has invited Jews, Hindus, Sikhs and Muslims to a pilgrimage at the Umbrian hilltop town of Assisi, but refuses to take part in common prayers since nobody else speaks vampire  (hosted.ap.org)	(47)
		So, the top ten baby names right now include Atticus and Katniss. To Kill a Mockingbird and The Hunger Games. At least people are using books  (huffingtonpost.com)	(220)
(MDC.mo.gov)		The Missouri Department of Conservation would like to warn hunters and other nature enthusiasts about various outdoor dangers this season, including snakes, mountain lions, zombies and bears. Wait, what?  (mdc.mo.gov)	(55)

		The good news: There was a massive income growth in the Reagan and post-Reagan years, particularly during the George W. Bush administration. The bad news: But only for the famous 1 percenters - everybody else got hosed  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(142)
		Computer scientists crack the Copiale Cipher, dating from 18th century Germany; are now working on other mysteries, including the unsolved Zodiac Killer ciphers, the Voynich Manuscript, and why "The Simpsons" is still on TV  (sciencedaily.com)	(95)
		Ten things you probably didn't know about dreams. Yes, yes, we all saw Inception, aren't you clever  (io9.com)	(199)
		House GOP secretly set up a trap for Obama, but since we all know the trap, and he knows the trap, it's not really a trap, now is it?  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(168)
		A few of Tolkien's earliest sketches from "The Hobbit," including a smiling Smaug soaring over gnomes...er, dwarves  (guardian.co.uk)	(86)
		Today's 34-year old teacher banging a 17-year old student brought to you by Memphis, Tennessee. Farkier: Principal at same school was involved with male student earlier this year  (dailymail.co.uk)	(65)
		Caterpillar inches ahead, takes entire market along for the ride  (marketwatch.com)	(3)

		Video games heal the sick. See they are good for something. Putting doctors out of business since 2011  (g4tv.com)	(22)
		Problem: Minnesota needs manufacturing workers bad, but since it's flyover country and there may not be an Apple store for 100 miles, OWS protesters need not bother  (myfoxtwincities.com)	(248)
		Why you need to watch Parks and Recreation, including, but not limited to, Ron farking Swanson  (denofgeek.com)	(173)
(Some Edditor)		The Top 10 consistency errors in writing: ten often committed Errors including inconsistently-applied phrase-hypenation; capitalization of words, punctuation; • tables and *bulleted lists, entries with periods. And some without  (intelligentediting.com)	(75)
		John Stewart vs. Michael Moore is a "convincing illustration of the suicidal tendencies, moral bankruptcy, and spiritual decay of the American left"  (popmatters.com)	(213)
(Some Guy)		For rent: "Jersey Shore" house. Only $2500/night, which includes linens, hot tub, crabs  (app.com)	(22)

Eat Vegan to be ethical? well guess how many creatures were killed in the making of your arugala salad.... at least 2 vertebrate per square inch, on a conservative estimate. NO MORE BLOOD FOR VEGGIES  (pajamasmedia.com)

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(Some Canuck)		Canada's new crime bill will cost you nine months in jail for passing a joint. This alarms many people, including criminologist Anthony Do... What? Seriously? Ok, yeah, so the guy's name is Doob  (thechronicleherald.ca)	(126)
		Prince Harry dates California cocktail waitress who looks exactly like his sister-in-law Kate Middleton. The aristocrats  (gawker.com)	(40)
		Fresh & Easy recalls bagged spinach due to contamination. Symptoms can include nausea, severe headache, bloated forearms  (sfgate.com)	(11)

		The best thing you're going to see all week: Watch a full grown man break into tears because he is forced to pet a puppy. Includes bonus gallery of terrifying puppies  (warmingglow.uproxx.com)	(87)
		Cantor cancels his income inequality speech after learning the venue is open to the public  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(71)
		So turns out the "47%" do pay their "fair share" of taxes and a lot more. They even include a informative picture for the GOP impaired   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(194)
		Environmental deregulation would save business, create jobs, cause a 450% increase in birth defects, stimulate the economy...wait, what?  (labspaces.net)	(155)
		IPad shipments are triple last year's, which is good news for Android makers since the market as a whole quadrupled  (businessweek.com)	(99)
		It only took Universal Orlando twelve years to realize having two intertwined roller coasters that speed along their tracks at up to 60 mph and pass within 18 inches of each other might be dangerous  (palmbeachpost.com)	(71)
(Some Guy)		Slideshow of 12 Places to go when the Apocalypse begins. Includes peaceful places like Rio de Janeiro and Kansas City  (businessinsider.com)	(59)

		Steven Moffat has been writing Doctor Who since 1995. Link goes to an old post of his on a message board  (groups.google.com)	(49)
		Scam artists posing as famous athletes have been fooling the public for years: a pudgy sex offender pretending to be Vince Young, a petty thief claiming he was Ben Roethlisberger, Jay Cutler posing as an NFL quarterback, etc  (slate.com)	(28)
(Post City)		Eight worst restaurant names in Toronto, not including the old Number Two. Meet you at the Big Chubby, eh?  (postcity.com)	(83)

		We almost have the technology, here are the top 16 creatures we should be bringing back from extinction. Yabba dabba doo  (iheartchaos.com)	(152)
(The American)		You know all those statistics you'll see cited about how real household income is shrinking and gaps between rich and poor are getting larger? Yeah, about that  (blog.american.com)	(399)
(The Province)		The Province (Canada) lists FARK'S hilarious NFL headline as a highlight of their Morning Briefing column  (theprovince.com)	(0)
(Some Guy)		23 incredible new technologies you'll see by 2021  (matadornetwork.com)	(82)
(Some Guy)		Pretty damn incredible Super Mario Brothers wedding invitation  (mymodernmet.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)		What actress said this?: "I had to eat a lot of pasta and get cinched really tightly into the corset to get the effect and let the girls do the acting for me." Of course, think new releases  (tgdaily.com)	(124)

		Saints drop to a mere seven places above the team (with the same record) who beat them last Sunday; 49ers have their highest ranking since before Steve Young's very first concussion. It's your Week 7 NFL Power Rankings  (espn.go.com)	(241)
		Ozzie Guillen lambasts the White Sox in his own incomprehensible way  (suntimes.com)	(12)
		Bank of America reports $4.5 billion pre-tax profit in the 3rd quarter. Pre-tax? Since when do banks have to pay taxes?  (bloomberg.com)	(36)
		In interest of not being labelled interfering, Occupy Cincinnati protesters clear park for wedding party to take photos. Cool: Wedding party invites protesters back to be in the photos  (huffingtonpost.com)	(43)
(Tech Crunch)		How a pinch of table salt can do wonders for your porn collection  (techcrunch.com)	(18)

		Parents, teachers upset with students' attire. This is not a repeat of every year since before you were born  (sun-sentinel.com)	(118)
(Some Guy)		Culinary Adventures - The Pickle Conundrum. It's like an incident, but with more questions  (bloggernews.net)	(53)
		Did you hear Vincent Van Gogh was murdered?  (telegraph.co.uk)	(82)
		Halo: Combat Evolved will now include the long overdue "SHOUT AT EVERYTHING" feature. Thanks, Kinect  (g4tv.com)	(86)
		The Top 7 types of co-workers you want to kill at meetings. Yes, including the one who likes calling meetings  (cnn.com)	(301)
		"In the final analysis, Tintin is easily Spielberg's most purely enjoyable, accessible and entertaining film since Jurassic Park" HA HA HA OH WOW  (denofgeek.com)	(87)

Massachussetts principal single-handedly cancels Halloween and Thanksgiving. No word on the status of Christmas yet  (foxnews.com)

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