Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Thousands, or possibly less than 300, enraged Tea Partiers descend on the offices of the evil Congressional Democrats who are destroying their country and ..well, find them terribly polite and quite nice actually  (politico.com)	(114)
		Insurance company does the right thing by helping those most in need. Just kidding, they pick out people in a database who probably have life-threatening illnesses and investigate them for fraud so they can drop their coverage  (consumerist.com)	(138)

(Black Album's The Best)		Metallica claim that their 2011 tour will "rival Pink Floyd's The Wall Tour." Look, if you're going to try and compare your tour to another, don't pick one from one of the top ten best bands ever  (nme.com)	(89)
		Not news: Former employee sues company for firing her after she got sick. EVERYBODY PANIC: Employee worked for drug company, claims she was infected by an HIV-like virus created in their lab  (popsci.com)	(55)
		Body found in golf course pond may be heir to snack food fortune. Police suspect foul play, two-stroke penalty  (abcnews.go.com)	(90)
		Most people get used to their phones and can text on them pretty quickly. Then there's this guy  (youtube.com)	(29)
		Argos get a Lemon in their newest QB  (tsn.ca)	(37)
		If you had the New England Patriots as the next team the Detroit Lions would lose to in their annual Thanksgiving Day slaughterfest, step forward and claim your pies  (freep.com)	(36)
		Liberals didn't much care for Bush's rhetoric when he called for bin Laden to be captured "dead or alive." Obama's administration proves their superior sophistication by dropping the "alive" option altogether  (news.yahoo.com)	(191)

		Judge upholds $20,000 fine against Orly Taitz, proving once and for all that Birthers have lost their appeal  (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(135)
		Honda recalls 400,000 Odysseys and Elements following complaints about their brakes, aesthetics  (rttnews.com)	(38)
		Japanese Olympic Committee rips national skiing team for their embarrassing "hip hop" antics at Vancouver games, lack of morals  (news.yahoo.com)	(29)
		NYPD detectives getting hours of overtime to retrieve their unmarked cars from the impound lot after the NYPD tows them. Brilliant  (nydailynews.com)	(47)
		"Modern British cooking feels more adventurous than a lot of American cooking." Why? Do they put ancho peppers and heirloom tomatoes in their spotted dick now?  (theatlantic.com)	(176)
(Courier Press)		Kentucky schools tackle the "cheese sandwich issue," decide to crack down on all these deadbeat kids who keep forgetting their lunch money  (courierpress.com)	(161)
		Kings of Leon are "stoked" about their huge summer tour, which means radio stations will play USE SOMEBODY over and over until August  (rollingstone.com)	(34)
		Obituarial lolwuttery: "For love and stability they turned to their father's old nanny, Marie, an uncompromisingly down-to-earth, one-eyed Swiss peasant who, having lost her own baby, kept a picture of his corpse above their beds."  (telegraph.co.uk)	(61)
		After birthday party, parents accidentally leave the birthday boy behind at the restaurant. Realizing their mistake after getting home, they frantically look for him 36 hours later  (detnews.com)	(164)
		Facebook is looking for their next "killer game". Something iconic, something like a farming mermaid aquarium Sim type of thing  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(47)
		It was a giant penis with water shooting out. Parents were rushing their children away from it so they would not have to explain why grown men wearing fur were drinking the white fluid and dancing in it, too  (news10.net)	(213)

		Thai protesters to spill blood on the steps of parliament. Fark: They'll be spilling their own blood. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the very definition of "doing it wrong"  (abc.net.au)	(67)
		While NASA astronauts are working on their hitchhiking skills, India just upped its space program budget $1.25-billion  (space.com)	(57)
		The group "Citizens United" tells other group that using "Citizens United Against Citizens United" is infringing on their trademark. So stop it or they'll tell their moms  (hosted.ap.org)	(36)
(Some Pistol)		One reason to see Public Image LTD's upcoming tour? All proceeds will go to the recording of their album  (spinner.com)	(21)
		Democrats should forget re-election and vote for health care reform, because "it will create a generation of Democrats who revere Obama the way their great-grandparents revered FDR"  (slate.com)	(190)
(Middle East Online)		With the removal of Saddam Hussein, Iraqi women have lost their western-style rights and been placed under oppressive religious rule. Mission Accomplished  (middle-east-online.com)	(217)
		"In terms of their effect on conventional politics and their potential for continued influence, I think the tea partiers bear an uncanny resemblance to the anti-Vietnam-war activists, with the exception of them being incredibly fat."  (article.nationalreview.com)	(129)
(Some Eastwood)		Boy band Boyzone denies Gorillaz their rightful place at the top of the UK charts. Experts blame Mother's Day. Seriously  (spinner.com)	(14)
		After moving the "cock soup" to top shelves over parents' complaints, supermarket now renaming their "fat balls"  (telegraph.co.uk)	(122)
		Six inmates busted for using fruit to make hooch in their cell walls (w/ mugshots). #4 says your argument is invalid  (orlandosentinel.com)	(62)
		Karl Rove on Iraq: "The suggestion that somehow or another the administration had as its policy, we're going to go into Iraq and take their resource and pay for the war is not accurate"  (thinkprogress.org)	(222)
		Barclays sues to prevent more information about their $5 billion rape of Lehman Brothers from being made public. Bonus: US Office of Thrift Supervision is suing too  (business.timesonline.co.uk)	(21)
		Former Toronto Humane Society supervisor charged with animal cruelty, making him the seventh of their employees charged in the past year  (thestar.com)	(63)
		Having figured out how to pay for their schools, NH legislature weighs in on milk vs cider as the state drink  (boston.com)	(34)

		Supreme Court rules cable companies must continue to make their programming available to satellite companies. In other news, people still use satellites instead of cable. And no, I checked, it's not 1988  (variety.com)	(99)
		Girls ordered to spend weekends with sex offender father. But it's okay... the judge said they could have a lock on their bedroom door  (news.com.au)	(255)
		Emergence of the "Tea Party" dismays evangelical leaders who say whipping gullible, none-too-bright fanatics into a frenzy over non-existent problems is THEIR job  (news.yahoo.com)	(169)
		Is Sarah Palin a punching bag Obama supporters use to project their subconscious doubts and anger they feel towards The One? Here comes the psychology  (hotair.com)	(337)
		WVU makes history, wins their 1st Big East Championship  (nbcsports.msnbc.com)	(36)
		Besides being nuts, what did the Pentagon and Vegas courthouse shooters have in common? They got their guns from the Memphis police department  (hosted.ap.org)	(115)
		After a night of binge drinking and strippers, young Britons are being invited to work off their hangovers with lap dancers at a Nazi death camp  (timesonline.co.uk)	(61)
		After 10 years, billions of dollars, and absolutely zero progress, Obama is proposing rules that will make it easier for schools to make it look like their minorities are doing better when in fact they are not  (washingtonpost.com)	(267)
		Mind-reading technology may be just around the corner. In other news, RIAA to start suing people for songs stuck in their heads  (aolnews.com)	(38)

		What do Arkansas, Oklahoma, Idaho and Utah all have in common? They loves to marry their wimmenfolk off good and early  (news.yahoo.com)	(131)
		If you're one of the 2.5 million innocent people NYPD stopped and frisked over the last 5 years, don't worry, you're still in their computer system  (nytimes.com)	(62)
(Razzleberries)		13 actors who did their own stunts. Still couldn't read cue cards  (popcrunch.com)	(76)
		Illinois politicians are getting eviction notices from building owners and calls from collection agencies because the state hasn't paid for their offices  (chicagotribune.com)	(30)
		Corporations are now filing libel suits against researchers who publish works critical of their products in scientific journals  (business.timesonline.co.uk)	(58)

		Brian Greene on string theory: "Our universe may be one of many--a single bubble in a huge bubble bath of other universes.... Maybe these different bubbles all have different shapes for their extra dimensions"  (discovermagazine.com)	(79)
		RE: Female teachers doing their students - "They may be having a transitional crisis in their lives and welcome the admiration of a student who essentially puts them on a pedestal" (and then drills them mercilessly)  (cnn.com)	(110)
		Today's needless fearmongering article to parents: going down a slide with your child on your lap can break their leg  (oregonlive.com)	(98)
		Retail sales up again as Americans find it hard to contain their inner consumer whore  (washingtonpost.com)	(17)
(Some Guy)		Hey Erasure: When your label makes you record your next album in their parking lot, you should take the hint and hang it up  (slicingupeyeballs.com)	(19)
		Democratic House candidates are more likely to mention their positions on circumcision, cat declawing, and Kirk vs. Picard than their views on health care reform  (thehill.com)	(38)
		Experts say that American doctors are over-testing and over-treating their patients. But how else will my kid get unlimited time on their SATs if I don't have them checked for Restless Leg Syndrome?  (aolnews.com)	(190)
		The Washington Capitals are the first team to clinch their division...with just over 80% of the season finished  (nhl.com)	(122)
		Owners lock would-be car thief inside vehicle until cops arrive. "So every time he tried to get out of the car, the owners just kept hitting the lock button on their key fob, and eventually he gave up trying to get out"  (upi.com)	(94)
		RIAA amps up their efforts to squeeze more blood from the stone that is terrestrial radio  (nytimes.com)	(253)
		Principal refuses to back high school students petitioning to get President Obama to speak at their graduation because he worried about student safety and parent complaints  (azcentral.com)	(65)

		Pink Floyd wins their lawsuit against EMI, earning the group $60,000 and guaranteeing EMI cannot sell individual songs online, which means you'll have to buy the whole crappy album to get the two good songs  (contactmusic.com)	(113)
		White House reels in idea that Obama will ban fishing, invites people to take the hooks out of their mouths  (nytimes.com)	(41)
		Kristen Stewart was banned from "groping" Dakota Fanning when they made out for their upcoming Runaways movie. There's not a lot left to say  (starpulse.com)	(97)
(Some Guy)		State of Michigan spends $1.15 million to develop novel Web application that lets users create their own space to keep in touch with friends and family. Why didn't someone thing of that before?  (govtech.com)	(77)
		Joe Biden appreciates Israel backtracking on their deliberate insult of him  (calgaryherald.com)	(90)
(Bit Rebels)		Geeks can now roam the streets in their own QWERTY keyboard car  (bitrebels.com)	(48)
		Women with good genes have more sexual partners than those without, possibly because their butts look so damned good in them    (newscientist.com)	(50)
		Taking a cue from the government bailout, companies are now offering pity bonuses to employees who fail at their jobs  (money.cnn.com)	(49)
		CEOs leaving their jobs rose 48% in February. You don't suppose they know something we don't?  (money.cnn.com)	(49)
(Some Beard)		Mario Lopez and his girlfriend are expecting their first child. Lopez says when he finds the guy responsible he's going to kick his ass    (digitalspy.com)	(29)
		Now that Milton Bradley is far from Chicago, Jim Hendry fires back at the showboat, who will undoubtedly play better now that he's left the Cubs and their 102 years of consistent failure  (suntimes.com)	(53)

		South Park creators claim that for episode #200, an all-star cast of every celebrity who ever hated on their show will file class-action lawsuit against town of South Park. "Tom Cruise and everyone's going to be back"  (artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com)	(105)
		Guns N' Roses planning "secret" shows in South America. Which is good because I wouldn't want to be spotted at one of their shows either  (webn.com)	(15)
		Comic books fans order a ton of graphic novels Amazon.com accidentally lowered in price; are outraged when Amazon cancels their order and gives them a $25 gift card. Amazon forgets that there is no outrage like nerd outrage  (consumerist.com)	(64)
		The nicest nurse in the world fired for having sex with grieving men who just lost their wives to cancer  (thesun.co.uk)	(159)

		Give the NY Times a month until they notice it and call it a trend: Young women videoblog the aftermath of their shopping trips to the mall  (boingboing.net)	(30)
		After welcoming it, Pink Floyd take the machine to court for riding their gravy train for too long  (contactmusic.com)	(53)
(ScienceBlogs)		Proving yet again that suckers and their money are soon parted, people are paying a New Mexico spa over $100 to smear Japanese bird poop on their faces  (scienceblogs.com)	(60)
		Headline: "Spring Music Preview: Get the Lowdown on the Season's 40 Big Albums" First album: Justin Bieber. I'd call Rolling Stone a bunch of whores, but their readers will get grounded for using that language  (rollingstone.com)	(26)
		Beastie Boys delay new album while all three members get hip replacement surgery and have their colostomy bags adjusted  (rollingstone.com)	(34)
(Relix)		Brooklyn band "The National" does the expected ironic thing by announcing where and when their secret stealth shows will be and how you can go see them  (relix.com)	(14)
		The CIA recommended the use of Ensure Plus for the liquid diet so that detainees wouldn't die from inhaling their own vomit during torture. Seriously  (salon.com)	(306)
		Half of Americans have less than 10K saved for retirement. Those who have more will no doubt be asked to share their pie  (money.cnn.com)	(781)
		Two idiots in a fraternity at submitter's Alma Mater allegedly wrapped some kid in TP and set him on fire. What was the stupidest thing you ever did in college? Bonus: look at the smirk on their mugshots  (kentucky.com)	(319)
(Child Trends Data Bank)		94 percent of parents of three- and four-year-olds report having spanked their kids in the past year; parents of the other 6% have them working down't mill twenty hours a day for tuppence a month  (childtrendsdatabank.org)	(61)
		The Cubs find themselves lacking in good, solid pitchers, and for once realize that can't count on Kerry Wood. This is a repeat from the last, oh, 102 years or so. Tag is for their season come September  (suntimes.com)	(85)
		Germany criticizes Greece for being babies who refuse to fix their financial problems, while Greece says they'd have more money if the Nazis hadn't stolen their gold and all their kebab vendors  (washingtonpost.com)	(129)
(Some Eddie)		Iron Maiden announce the title of their new album. And reveal they are going on tour in North America  (nme.com)	(76)
		Jon Stewart proves that the SEC is run by those three monkeys with their hands over their eyes, ears, and mouths  (thedailyshow.com)	(123)
		11 sports movies where the losers are the real winners. All you need to know about a person rests in their opinion of the ending of #5  (avclub.com)	(118)

		Study shows iPhone addictive, making it the first truly great smartphone that people literally can't put down. You think anyone actually feels that way about their Blackberry? If they did there'd be a cute punny name for it or something  (news.yahoo.com)	(59)
		Brtiain's MI5 monitored Hitler Youth cycling tour of England in 1937, despite their agent falling off near Budleigh Salterton when the pump caught in his trouser-leg, badly crushing sandwiches and getting grit all over his fruitcake  (timesonline.co.uk)	(74)
		Headline: Women-owned aerospace business opens. Article: Sue (no aerospace experience) and Carrie (physical therapist) are backed by their hubbies with 49 years in aerospace and are seeking gov't contracts that prefer women owned businesses  (azcentral.com)	(87)
		Yellowstone Park's Druid wolf pack is gone. Nobody knows who they were, or...what they were doing. But their legacy remains, hewn into the living rock...of Yellowstonehenge    (helenair.com)	(75)
		Roman Polanski's wife is very upset that her pedo husband has been jailed, interfering with his ability to keep her and their children rich beyond their wildest dreams  (aolnews.com)	(271)
(Nirvana II)		Dave Grohl says the Foo Fighters will return to the studio in September to start recording their new album. Well, after Them Crooked Vultures, Grohl has no place to go but up  (spinner.com)	(47)
		The Eagles guarantee a spot in the Super Bowl next year....on their couch  (sports.espn.go.com)	(98)
		Oklahoma conservatives are a little apprehensive about giving the government power over their relationships  (news.yahoo.com)	(155)
		Oscar producers scrambling to defend their exclusion of Farrah Fawcett from the remembrance montage, saying it was "impossible" to pay tribute to the late star  (contactmusic.com)	(162)
(Havana Times)		Cuba says all visitors must now buy health insurance to visit... all of which is unpossible because Michael Moore says their system is the best in the world with rainbows and unicorns in every hospital room  (havanatimes.org)	(342)
		You know what's better than a squirrel with a coconut on its head? Two squirrels with coconuts on their heads  (dailymail.co.uk)	(77)

		Most parents are protective of their daughters and are dubious of their boyfriends. But most parents don't bring their two grown sons to hold the boyfriend against their will and pistol whip him. That's where this mom is different  (toledoblade.com)	(117)
		"Lost" producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse use Twitter to fire back at critics of their show. And, just like in their scripts, their rebuttals make no sense and go off on several tangents  (io9.com)	(53)
		SHMHC - a band that everyone should know, Opeth... Their opus magnus, "Blackwater Park"  (youtube.com)	(125)
(Daily Home)		Congratulations are in order for Talladega College men's basketball team for winning their second straight USCAA Championship. Fark: The TC women's team won the USCAA national championship too  (dailyhome.com)	(23)
		The Clinton family thinking about putting their little one into a Jewish Marriage Ceremony. Bill reminded the last time he put his little one into something Jewish, it didn't turn out so good    (google.com)	(44)

(Some Pissed Off Texan)		Judge sues Wal-Mart and Sam's Club, claiming that their poor customer service caused him to be involuntarily institutionalized  (brownsvilleherald.com)	(72)
(NME)		The Roots say their new album will be out June 8th. There goes our hope that playing as the house band for Jimmy Fallon would keep them too busy to release another horrid album  (nme.com)	(37)

		Good news: only 36,000 people lost their jobs today. Bad news: members of congress still employed  (voices.kansascity.com)	(51)
		Two unlikely partners. A middle-aged white man, a young black man. Together, alone, they face the unwelcome stares of a city that just can't accept their relationship. Coming this fall to a stadium near you  (sports.yahoo.com)	(13)
(Some Hipster Band)		Belle and Sebastian are ending their four year hiatus. In other news, Belle and Sebastian have been on hiatus and did not, in fact, sing "Summer Breeze."  (spinner.com)	(41)
		Rich people get bored, so they hook their Huskie dogs to scooters and go "urban mushing"  (time.com)	(23)
		In a move sure to burnish its reputation as the toughest, most hardcore branch of America's armed forces, Navy fires captain for cursing out sailors and hurting their feelings  (time.com)	(295)

		EMI will release "banned" Danger Mouse album featuring David Lynch, the Flaming Lips, Iggy Pop, and a whole bunch of other people who are no longer cool now that their name is on the BBC  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(22)
(Some Emo Band)		Drummer for My Chemical Romance leaves band, will be replaced by a drummer indistinguishable from himself. Their emo fanbase expected to wear a darker shade of eyeliner in mourning  (nme.com)	(22)
		Nine-time reigning coleslaw-wrestling queen reveals her secrets. "I've had crater marks on me from all the girls digging in their nails and tearing my shirt and skin off. It is slimy, too"  (orlandosentinel.com)	(21)
(Spinner)		Hole releases their new single, "Skinny Little Biatch," because "Fortyish Crack Whore" doesn't lend itself to a good melody    (spinner.com)	(42)
		You're such an awesomely bright, tired little boy: Parents short-changing their kids with too much praise, too little sleep  (washingtonpost.com)	(193)
(Some Guy)		'Parents of the year' front-runners traded sex with their 14-year-old daughter for a 1998 minivan  (truecrimereport.com)	(192)
		Muslims upset over suicide bombings and terror attacks carried out in their name. Just kidding, they're OUTRAGED because a Scottish pub is named Medina  (news.stv.tv)	(331)
(Some Guy)		Just a normal day at the park; birds singing, people walking their dog, naked woman tied to a tree  (thenewstribune.com)	(88)

		Metallica drop ticket prices after realizing that their fans in Tel-Aviv don't have $159 to waste on their greedy asses  (contactmusic.com)	(54)
		Michael Vick would prefer to play for the Panthers because he....likes their uniforms  (sports.yahoo.com)	(42)
		Muse has one of their songs removed from the upcoming Twilight soundtrack after the company realized the two preceeding soundtracks had the same songs with different titles  (contactmusic.com)	(18)
(Pharyngula)		Repent Amarillo is the American Taliban come to life. Sort of like if Fred Phelps and his clan had humvees and fatigues and went to funerals ready to kill the mourners, then wrote their license plates down to harass them later  (scienceblogs.com)	(306)
		Today's "newlywed couple spends their wedding night in jail" is brought to you by Hyannis, Mass  (boston.com)	(75)
		KISS want to rock n' roll all night, unless their confetti cannons break down. Then they have to cut the show short  (gigwise.com)	(44)
		Greeks bend over in anticipation of the change about to be crammed up their Thermopylae  (marketwatch.com)	(107)
(Some Guy)		Huey Lewis and the News may no longer be working for a living as professional musicians after they cancel their Australian tour. If this is it, it will surely crush the heart and soul of their fans  (heraldsun.com.au)	(60)
		"Married couples enjoy their best sex, romantic meals and nights out with friends after two years and four months." That's understandable; their friends are probably looking pretty good by then  (upi.com)	(206)
		In order to revive their failing business model, Blockbuster brings back late fees. Wait, Blockbuster is still in business?  (chicagobreakingbusiness.com)	(69)
		Lame banners that your crappy team puts up in their rafters. Make sure you make it to the last item  (sports.espn.go.com)	(104)

		Wi-Fi finders provide latest harsh lesson for dumbasses who leave laptops in their cars  (networkworld.com)	(64)
(NYmag)		Zach Galifianakis on "The Hangover" getting an Oscar snub: "Oscar folks don't look at comedies. Comedies are so much harder to do. Anybody can vomit out their lines in a serious movie, but to make it funny is harder"  (nymag.com)	(151)
		Finally, someone got off their asses and built the flying hovercraft we were promised decades ago  (liveleak.com)	(49)
		It's okay if you bring your 14-month old to the bar. And it's okay if you get sloshed in front of her. But demanding that other patrons "mind their language" and "stop acting so drunk" is just crossing the line  (cnn.com)	(388)
		Study suggests parents should treat their children with same respect as pets  (time.com)	(117)
		The online redemption website for the Cash for Clunkers: Applicances Edition went off as expected, resulting in thousands of people missing their chance at a rebate  (qctimes.com)	(19)
		OK Go follows up their famous treadmill dance video with an amazing Rube Goldberg machine video  (gizmodo.com)	(69)
		Not content with treating the US Constitution as a "living document," the religious left and their secular muscle now want to confer the same status on The Bible - another work written by God  (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(229)
		Two high school basketball players will miss the upcoming state tounament because: A) Their grades are poor, B) they are injured, or C) they both punched the referee during their last game  (jsonline.com)	(81)
		In Malaysia, women can be whipped if they drink a beer in public or have sex out of wedlock. But only Muslim women. Infidel women can be drunken sluts to their heart's content  (theage.com.au)	(209)
		Polar bears turn out to be a bad mascot for global warming alarmism as they've already battled global warming once and made it their biatch  (dailymail.co.uk)	(87)
(ACLU)		Sheriff Joe has finally run out of ways to deny female prisoners their constitutional rights, is put on notice by the ACLU  (aclu.org)	(917)

		With the Canada/USA Olympic flamewar dying down, Deadspin kickstarts the annual Yanks/Sox pissing contest by naming the AL East's second most successful team their "Team of the Decade"  (deadspin.com)	(107)
		Pat Robertson offers compassionate words of encouragement to the people of Chile over their natural tragedy. Just kidding. He says they had it coming for making god angry. Bonus:"...personal hero of mine, Augusto Pinochet"  (open.salon.com)	(194)
		"Crammers" may be sneaking bogus charges onto your phone bill for their own profit, which is a total rip-off of the phone company's business model  (washingtonpost.com)	(40)
		Beewolves protect their young with natural antibiotics. In other news, BEEWOLVES  (physorg.com)	(32)

		Bon Jovi will visit homeless shelters on their upcoming tour. Never before has a band gone to such great lengths to reach its fanbase    (contactmusic.com)	(18)
		NY Giants general manager sees possible 'transition time' for offensive line. In other words, don't be upset when the Giants inaugurate their new stadium in the same manner the Mets inagurated their new home  (nj.com)	(20)
		Drink and we'll tell your parents. Colleges reporting students to their parents if they're found with so much as a beer in the dorm  (sfgate.com)	(214)
		Airlines taking their lessons from cellphone companies, charging extra for "amenities." Like $80 for an aisle seat  (sfgate.com)	(210)
		News: Couple grabs jewelry from store and runs. Fark: They leave their 4 yr old son behind  (philly.com)	(40)
		The cost of doing nothing on Health Care = America bankrupt by 2020. Republicans finally announce their candidate. Mad Max 2012  (mercurynews.com)	(120)
		I'm think I'm goin' to Kathmandu / That's really really what I wanna do / Goin' to their #@#%$# Cursing Festival too  (news.yahoo.com)	(43)
(NME)		The greatest music producer working today, Brian Eno, confirms he's working with Coldplay, one of the greatest bands recording today, on their next inevitably great album  (nme.com)	(51)
		Starting this week, thousands of Iowans will lose their unemployment benefits thanks to a lack of action on behalf of the government. GO BIPARTISANSHIP  (qctimes.com)	(407)

		Analysts with too much time on their hands have come to the conclusion Apple hasn't "sold" 1 billion songs, because prior to 2007 songs were all coded with DRM, and consumers don't "own" those songs  (consumerist.com)	(87)
		Are you ready? Hundreds of fans at an AC/DC concert thunderstruck after finding $75 parking tickets on their cars after the show. Hells bells  (news.com.au)	(107)
		Can Chelsea restore their four point lead at the top? Will Arsenal lose to Stoke yet again? Will Manchester United or Aston Villa win the season's first trophy?  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(56)
		If Jim Morrison, John Lennon or Bob Dylan would've been able to have a Twitter account, would they have been able to keep their mythical rock star status?  (guardian.co.uk)	(52)
		Citibank's reaction to printing some customers' SS# on the outsides of their envelopes: Was that wrong? Should we not have done that?  (consumerist.com)	(29)

		Inspired by the Tea Party movement, progressives form the "Coffee Party" as a grassroots effort to promote their issues and give trustafarians something to do all day other than smoke weed  (washingtonpost.com)	(79)
		How do climate change scientists make temperature readings higher in order to give their findings credibility? Place sensors and thermometers next to heat sources, like A/C exhausts, chimneys and halogen bulbs  (foxnews.com)	(190)
		The Rolling Stones to reissue their best album, "Exile On Main Street." with 10 never-before-heard tracks  (rollingstone.com)	(59)
		Some people rely on their personality or looks for sex; Florida man relied on imitation Percocet, which he created in his bathroom  (nwfdailynews.com)	(55)
		After handing the American women their asses, Canadian Women's hockey team gets the gold medal in "how to celebrate your gold medal"  (cbc.ca)	(253)
(Some Guy)		Parents in an uproar over a link on their school district's website that goes to an article describing Jesus as a "historical vampire"  (heraldextra.com)	(184)
		Audiences hate modern classical music because their brains cannot cope, not because it's so freaking horrible  (telegraph.co.uk)	(129)

		People are now Twittering their abortions? We have officially reached the end of the internet  (abcnews.go.com)	(782)
		Spoiled NYC parents hire high-priced occupational therapists to train their precious snowflakes to hold a pencil or wield scissors  (nytimes.com)	(186)
		Newt Gingrich rushes to aid of defenseless insurance companies, recently stripped of their antitrust exemption, skirts  (csmonitor.com)	(57)
		Students think their "lap dance teachers" didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't be punished, and that in return for this support, they shouldn't ever get homework again  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(69)
		The Olympics will put Vancouver $1 billion in debt, mostly from costs due to developing the Olympic Village and creating their Pedobear-like mascot  (nytimes.com)	(80)
		The president of the company is named Toyoda, but their product, which is named after the family, is called Toyota. Why? Here comes the Japanese science  (washingtonpost.com)	(55)

		Cash-strapped LA is going after unlicensed dogs. But the dogs are fighting back, saying that they have no money because they've lost their wallets...which also have their licenses in them  (news.yahoo.com)	(55)
		Politicians continue the fight to give unused medications away instead of flushing them. Partly because it's fiscally responsible, but also because it's annoying to have so many relaxed fish who sleep well despite their massive erections  (abcnews.go.com)	(44)
(Bloom Energy)		You know all that "Bloom Box" debate? Well today they released their product details. Let the engineer flamewar begin  (bloomenergy.com)	(170)
(NCAA)		The NCAA makes up for all their stupid sanctions by giving us this glorious thing - EVERY NCAA Tournament game from the Sweet 16 on in the past decade. Subby will see you in May  (vault.ncaa.com)	(40)
		Ole Miss is holding a contest to find a replacement for their current mascot. The leader so far? IT'S A TRAP  (tmz.com)	(70)

(Texas Tribune)		Dallas Tea Party invites Olbermann to meet their black friend  (texastribune.org)	(79)
(Some Band)		Deftones say their forthcoming album will be dedicated to "Chi Cheng." Now, come on, why would you come out and say you're dedicating it to the sound of a cash register?  (digitalspy.com)	(24)
		Three men in their mid-30s devise a plan to steal gas from a gas station's underground tank using a van with a false floor and an elaborate siphoning system. Would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddlesome gas fumes  (azcentral.com)	(93)
		Our great northern neighbors graciously invited the world to see everything they have to offer and now are watching us eat all their food and drink all their booze  (sports.espn.go.com)	(65)

		Restaurants increasingly promote themselves as after-work restaurant worker hangouts, partly to exploit "Bourdain effect" among foodies hoping to gawk at their favorite celebrity chefs or bartenders getting pissed  (boston.com)	(48)
		Yoko Ono claims to have invented noise-pop, which is true since no one had thought of screeching at the top of their lungs and declaring it 'art'  (sfgate.com)	(39)
		More and more senior citizens are discovering the joys of pot and can't understand why everyone else their age isn't doing it."They're missing a lot of fun and a lot of relief."  (azcentral.com)	(131)
(mediasteed.com)		Students survive after their classroom capsizes  (mediasteed.com)	(34)
		An inside look at the IED disposal team of the 20th Support Command. Their motto: "Initial success or total failure"  (timesonline.co.uk)	(62)
		NASCAR team finds officials waiting for them when they decide to park their second half-assed effort of a car after only a handful of laps  (msn.foxsports.com)	(53)
		Family finds box containing mementos of their deceased mother's first husband, including his Purple Heart and Silver Star from Korea with letter signed by Harry Truman, and a photo of her with hole made by the bullet that killed him  (helenair.com)	(150)

(MaineToday.com)		Not everyone can make it to the Olympics, so they might decide to build a 70' long halfpipe in their back yard. "The steepest pitch on it is about 65 degrees; 65, 70 degrees, it's almost like a free fall for six or seven feet"  (onlinesentinel.com)	(12)
		Chances are the hair weaves and extensions you've paid for at expensive salons came from temples in India where poor women sacrificed it to their gods to give thanks. Fashion industry claims it's a win/win  (abc.net.au)	(63)

		Actual headline: "Like Dr. Evil, did the GOP just steal Obama's mojo?" Un-addressed in article: Were sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads involved?  (csmonitor.com)	(88)
		Gardenmagaddon is here, as hapless Southerners survey the frozen tundra in their lawns and are frozen in panic and uncertainty  (chron.com)	(109)
		Waitresses wield swords and flare flames at diners, who have to get past a moat before sitting at their table in the dimly lit dining hall. Welcome to Taipei's ninja-themed restaurant. No word if burgers are served  (reuters.com)	(33)
		Illegal immigrant siblings who risked their lives for four years going undercover for ICE, helping to bring down human smuggling and prostitution rings, won't be deported by ICE as a thank you after all  (news.yahoo.com)	(53)
(Some Tommy)		Pete Townshend's tinnitus could put an end to The Who. Pity it didn't happen prior to their horrid Super Bowl performance. And no, The Who did not die with Keith Moon. Idiots  (digitalspy.com)	(79)
		Nigerian banks are suffering a severe credit crunch. Soon they will be sending mass emails out to long lost American, and European relatives to improve their bank routing information  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(8)
(Buzz Feed)		Twenty figure skaters looking their best - and it's not a slide show  (buzzfeed.com)	(64)
		Councils in the UK are issuing parking tickets to their own vehicles, then refusing to pay, then suing themselves. Stupid tag in use because 'Farking Idiots' tag unavailable  (thesun.co.uk)	(30)

		White Sox pull their offer to Johnny Damon off the table. But Scott Boras still thinks his contract demands are realistic  (sports.espn.go.com)	(30)
		Primitive humans conquered the seas some hundred thousand years earlier than thought. No we're not talking about the vikings with horns protruding out of their heads, we're talking clubs and axes  (news.nationalgeographic.com)	(43)
		Roger Daltrey wants Liam Gallagher to play with The Who at their Teenage Cancer Trust charity show. So, on top of having cancer and having to watch out for Pete Townshend, they have to listen to that d-bag? Haven't they been through enough?  (contactmusic.com)	(22)
		Today's environmental activists tend to be wimpy, mainstreamy policy wonks whom no one really likes. "It's all about the bottom line. Raising funds has become their most important cause; the planet comes a distant second"  (telegraph.co.uk)	(48)
(Spinner)		Pearl Jam set to appear on SNL next month to play music from their new album. That reminds the submitter: Who're you gonna vote for in the fall, Clinton, Bush, or Perot?  (spinner.com)	(48)
		Not News: Parents ban their 6 children from technology. Fark: Picture of their house looks like it is out of Lemony Snicket  (dailymail.co.uk)	(224)
		Grocery store asks customers to check their donuts for steel pins. Again  (cbc.ca)	(23)
		County commissioner convinced his derby park will draw soapbox racers, and all the swells with their boater hats, spats, and horehound candies  (chron.com)	(14)
		Women caned for illicit sex said they regretted their actions and welcomed the punishment, one adding, "And then the oral sex, yes?"  (news.com.au)	(128)
		The Pulitzer Prize Board reverses an administrator's earlier objection and permits the National Enquirer to submit their John Edwards coverage for award consideration in two categories  (gawker.com)	(63)
		Dire Straits at their best performing Sultans of Swing  (youtube.com)	(62)

		Las Vegas mayor snubs Obama for his arrogant remarks suggesting Americans might be better off saving their money instead of investing it in blackjack, booze, bimbos and blow  (foxnews.com)	(247)
		Bucks acquire John Salmons from Chicago Bulls, which bolsters their chances at finishing above .359 for the season  (nba.com)	(19)
		Taliban fighters running out of ammo, despite all the bullets and bombs being sent their way  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(89)
		Not news: School issues laptops complete with webcams to students. Fark: School then activates webcams to spy on students and their families  (boingboing.net)	(410)
		F*cking a**holes at NBC think that their f*cking viewers are such f*cking p***ies that they can't stand to hear a few goddamn f*cking curse words between Olympic snowboarder Shaun White and his coach celebrating his gold f*cking medal  (sports.yahoo.com)	(227)
		You know how Walmart claims that in a down economy consumers will flock to their stores because of the lower prices? Yeah, about that  (articles.moneycentral.msn.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop these bored guards and their hairy friend  (pics.livejournal.com)	(29)
(Some Brit)		Ewan McGregor says that no one should hold their breath for Trainspotting 2: Heroin Boogaloo  (digitalspy.com)	(33)

		Wellmark Blue Cross Blue Shield to punish taxpayers for even thinking about health care reform by jacking up their rates 18%  (desmoinesregister.com)	(37)
		One week after airing one of their worst episode ever, the writers of Lost figured out a way to ressurect the show: make it about John Locke and let Terry O'Quinn do his thing  (sepinwall.blogspot.com)	(367)
(Some Guy)		Young Kenyan voters wish they had an Obama of their own  (minnpost.com)	(34)
		Bad Lieutenant, the band formed from the ashes of New Order (minus the dickish and pompous Peter Hook) have finally gotten their visas and will tour America later this year  (contactmusic.com)	(32)
		Windows security update blue-screens computers that have a malware rootkit installed. Fark: Rootkit authors issue a fix, so you don't have to uninstall their rootkit  (blogs.pcmag.com)	(46)
		Over 600 chickens were seized from a poultry trafficker's home. Police estimate their total street value at $1,000,000    (sfgate.com)	(62)
		Some Republicans, who apparently have blotted their last televised encounter with Obama from their memories, think the upcoming televised health care summit could really help them score some points with voters  (news.yahoo.com)	(192)
		The State Department sends their newest government diplomat to strengthen and broaden ties between the United States and Russia. Ashton Kutcher ??.....*facepalm*  (news.cnet.com)	(53)
(B&C.com)		Survey says 1/3 of Americans don't use the intertubes, pull themselves up by their bootstraps  (broadcastingcable.com)	(54)
		Poll shows that Britons wash their sheets as often as they brush their teeth  (upi.com)	(79)

		Well, someone has it in their head that we need a film adaptation of Dean Koontz's terrible "Frankenstein" series  (io9.com)	(64)
		Having solved all the city's other crimes, New York police are now cracking down on subway riders who put their feet up on the seats  (nypost.com)	(86)
		Winter Olympics receive their highest TV rating in the USA since the year Tonya Harding sent Nancy Kerrigan on a trip to Disneyland  (vancouversun.com)	(40)
		From 1982, celebrities give their opinion on video games. Mel Brooks is funny, Chevy Chase is mean and a little sad, and then there's Christopher Reeve, sitting there on his high horse  (kotaku.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)		Dog walkers asked to keep their eyes peeled and report any seal sex they come across  (yourthanet.co.uk)	(11)
		Experts say a big reason that North Dakota's economy is the best in the nation is their unique state-owned bank -- a legacy of when socialists controlled the state  (news.yahoo.com)	(189)
		High tech industry is facing a critical shortage of vital rare earth elements critical to almost all their devices. Gee if only they'd had some warning that RARE EARTHS were in limited supply  (news.yahoo.com)	(189)
(Some Guy)		EMI is so desperate that they're selling off their most prized possession (no, not Coldplay): Abbey Road Studios  (twentyfourbit.com)	(57)

		Poor towns are printing their own money. Welcome to 1852  (articles.moneycentral.msn.com)	(75)
(NME)		Franz Ferdinand have begun writing their fourth album, which they say will be completely different than the other three albums  (nme.com)	(32)
		Students suspended after fight, do their parents - C: Sue the school system for denying their precious snowflakes an education?  (newsobserver.com)	(120)
(Enemies of Reason)		Problem: The front page of someone's website automatically snatches your blog content and displays it as their own work. Do you (c) write a special entry with this in mind  (enemiesofreason.co.uk)	(74)
		While the rest of the nation fights over Obamacare, Tennessee's own "TennCare" system has been a resounding success these past several years. Just kidding, it consumes 24% of their budget and is still under tremendous debt  (tennessean.com)	(317)
		New suvery discovers most men would prefer to marry a woman with a pleasant nature than a supermodel. In other news, most men are taking surveys with their wives standing right next to them  (dailymail.co.uk)	(146)

		After Googling "teabag" Teabaggers were shocked to discover it had another, even more embarrassing meaning. Now hoping to change their name to Donkey Punchers  (huffingtonpost.com)	(120)
		Title: "Pondering a Congress without the Kennedy family" Subtext: Do you really want Massachusetts representatives being *sober* during their votes?  (boston.com)	(31)
		Teabaggers blow gasket when invisible hand of the market switches their wharrgarbl for easy listening  (dailykos.com)	(106)
(Some Hipsters)		Great news, insomniacs: The Strokes have just releases a nine minute "behind the scenes" documentary about the recording of their new album  (nme.com)	(24)
		Fark: tea drinkers banned from historic abbey. UltraFark: for slurping their tea too loudly  (thesun.co.uk)	(57)

(wxii12.com)

83-year-old man met his 74-year-old wife online. Yes, their Fark account numbers are lower than yours  (wxii12.com)

(85)

		If you had "Friday" in the pool for "Next time Toyota will recall one of their vehicles", your prize is on the left when you head out the door, But it's a Toyota so don't get too attached  (msnbc.msn.com)	(30)
(NME)		Dr. Dre sues Death Row Records over their reissue of The Chronic, saying he never authorized the release. Whatever; he's not even a real doctor  (nme.com)	(47)
		Hindu nationalists tear up movie posters and stone movie theaters in protest of a Bollywood superstar who supported Pakistani cricketers. If only there was some way to curry their favor  (sacbee.com)	(17)
		Limp Bizkit's Wes Borland says that their new album is inspired by Daft Punk. In related news, Daft Punk to sue Limp Bizkit for defamation of character    (contactmusic.com)	(35)

(Star Bulletin)		They may lack organization, but the Tea Partiers can't just be dismissed out of hand. Their "broad and relentless critique of runaway government is, if anything, more popular than the movement itself."  (starbulletin.com)	(211)
(Derpitty Durst)		Limp Bizkit say that "people will still hate them" even after releasing their new album. I'm pretty sure that's the smartest thing the group has ever said  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(26)
(Moon Knight Rules)		Well, now Marvel is just getting downright sadistic with their Secret Avengers lineup. They've revealed two new images, one of which has breasts. My guess: either Scarlet Witch or Blob  (newsarama.com)	(73)
		Billboard magazine releases their list of the top 50 sexiest songs. Huh: Barry White not on the list. WTF: Akon featuring Eminem is  (msnbc.msn.com)	(245)
		Australia launches new investigation into naval sex ring. People will really do anything with their piercings these days  (news.com.au)	(50)
		Fark: Man with outstanding warrant gets lost, calls police, who help him find his way to their station  (cleveland.com)	(12)
		In their last game before the All-Star Break, the Nets keep pace to match the 1972-73 76ers all-time losing record. The good news? Only 1,016 saw it  (sports.espn.go.com)	(28)

		Some Virginia lawmakers may vote against allowing employers and insurance companies to implant microchips in people against their will because...wait for it...it might help protect humanity from the anti-christ  (dailykos.com)	(105)
(Some Boring "Rockers")		The Strokes say their new album will be ready by September. Dozens of hipsters excited  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(39)
		The Alberta government would like to assure you that their budget website password is no longer "password"  (edmontonjournal.com)	(69)
		Canadians have made their choice, and by a margin of almost 5:1, they prefer an onion ring to their Prime Minister. That number goes up even more when you add cheese and gravy  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(42)
		White Stripes upset at Air Force Reserve for stealing one of their songs. They say they recognized it because the drums sounded like a monkey trapped in a snare    (huffingtonpost.com)	(66)
		Most bowls broken with one finger in one minute. China gives Japan a run for their money in WTF?  (youtube.com)	(38)
		Sports columnist has the huevos to hold himself accountable for his 2009 NFL preseason predictions, despite their accuracy  (sports.espn.go.com)	(41)

		Publicly the Republicans hate the stimulus for its wasteful spending. Privately, they're hounding federal agencies for money for their districts  (washingtontimes.com)	(339)
		Congress can only agree on one thing these days: that weenie in the White House calling for bipartisanship is getting in the way of their bickering and he should really stop that  (washingtontimes.com)	(111)
		Marvel unveils their plans for the next Avengers series: Secret Avengers. Man, I hope it's half as good as Secret Defenders  (io9.com)	(46)
(Dawn.com)		Taliban confirm that their leader in Pakistan is not only merely dead, he's really most sincerely dead  (dawn.com)	(97)
(Spinner)		Gaslight Anthem announce details of their third CD and a string of UK tour dates. If you haven't heard these guys, you really should  (spinner.com)	(41)
(Some Redneck Politician)		Darn liberals and their progressive ideas like "case law" and "judges"  (coolice.legis.state.ia.us)	(181)

		Our Iranian friends, in an effort to demonstrate their benevolent intentions, announce Feb. 11 unveiling of "Fist of Peace"  (foxnews.com)	(402)
		21 years of service means shiat in the new economy. Bank Of America can't stop itself from screwing even its own ex-employees on their mortgages  (consumerist.com)	(59)
		Researchers are pfinally turning their attention to the health benefits of Ginger, Garlic, and St. John's wort. The pfacts are in: herbal pfixes are pfatal  (nytimes.com)	(129)
		Although she lives in a state that allows gay marriage, TV pundit Rachel Maddow says she and her girlfriend don't want to get married, but like having the option of putting the Subaru in both their names if they want    (usaweekend.com)	(132)

		Christian group upset that hate crimes laws could interfere with their efforts to commit hate crimes  (rawstory.com)	(534)
		Pete Wentz is ready to have another baby. Huh, didn't realize males of his species carried their young  (contactmusic.com)	(19)
		By mocking Sarah Palin's inventiveness liberals are just showing their butthurt over the fact their president is a dunce who is glued to his teleprompter  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(537)
		The Snowpacalypse may have virtually paralyzed the eastern Seaboard, but that ain't gonna cancel an afternoon of beer, wings, and football at the White House for 4 dozen wounded vets and their families  (news.yahoo.com)	(26)
		How does the Nanny State™ deal with dead-beat dads? How about c) freeze their bank accounts, seize their homes, confiscate their passports, and impose curfews  (guardian.co.uk)	(241)
		Sarah "The One" Palin tells teabagger crowd that Obama should start listening to their stale ideas that have already failed our nation and stop lecturing about how those stale ideas have already failed our nation  (msnbc.msn.com)	(477)

		55 million free condoms handed out for Carnival. This good news because god knows we don't need carnies reproducing with their small hands and smell of cabbage  (usatoday.com)	(38)
(SouthCoastToday)		Female readers in uproar after sex therapist tells them that the reason their husbands watch porn is because they don't put out, make him a sammich  (southcoasttoday.com)	(436)
		Keira Knightley: "Every time I do an interview with the English press, one of their questions is, 'How do you feel knowing that everyone thinks you're a s--t actress?' "  (huffingtonpost.com)	(56)
		Twenty-eight years ago, the J. Geils Band had the number one song with their biggest hit, Centerfold. Your memory has just been sold  (youtube.com)	(66)
		Chinese officials get their feathers ruffled and cry fowl because US is dumping chicken feet and wings for poultry sums of money. US producers eggstatic, believing that the beak shall inherit the earth  (news.yahoo.com)	(37)
		After student sent home from Louisiana high school for wearing a Colts jersey, his parents call the ACLU -- proving that like their team, Indy fans are really only good at working the officials    (cbsnews.com)	(102)

		German historians want to re-release Hitler's book "Mein Kampf", their reasoning? "the copyright runs out in 2015, opening the way for neo-Nazi groups to publish their own versions."  (msnbc.msn.com)	(163)
		Do you remember...Marillion? Do you remember...their hit song Kayleigh?  (youtube.com)	(39)
		Liberals wouldn't have to be so condescending if people weren't so damned stupid: "Their views are correct, self-evident, and based on fact and reason, while conservative positions are not just wrong but illegitimate"  (washingtonpost.com)	(378)
		A new TSG Friday Photo Fun. Today match the deadbeat with their favorite recording artist  (thesmokinggun.com)	(71)
		30 Seconds to Mars forced to cancel the premiere of their new documentary after a bomb scare. Apparently, someone realized just how bad the movie was  (contactmusic.com)	(17)
(Some Guy)		Cheetahs don't like water, but if they see a hole in the fence across their moat GET IN THE CAR!  (belfasttelegraph.co.uk)	(83)
(TV By The Numbers)		Science Channel reports excellent ratings for first full month of 2010, as science fans increasingly tire of ghosts, UFOs, fishermen, and non-sciency crap on their usual channels  (tvbythenumbers.com)	(97)

		Atlanta Thrashers sell their souls and Ilya Kovalchuk to the New Jersey Devils  (sports.espn.go.com)	(56)
		What's causing a rift between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie... besides Jennifer Aniston standing outside their window and screaming "BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAD"  (nowmagazine.co.uk)	(56)
		Not exactly their finest hour: British Ministry of Defence debates dissolving the RAF and working more closely with France  (dailymail.co.uk)	(37)
		Producers of "Avatar" complain that their motion-capture alien stars were snubbed for Best Actor and Actress nominations  (news.yahoo.com)	(94)
		Them Crooked Vultures to release their second disappointing album this fall  (pastemagazine.com)	(34)
(Whitehouse.gov)		White House rolls out "Text4Baby" program, which sends free texts to pregnant women with advice and info pertinent to their timeline. Logical, rational news coverage sure to follow  (whitehouse.gov)	(45)
		Fans believe it isn't fair that AC/DC plays the same setlist at every stop on their new tour. Honestly, though...how can they tell the difference?  (contactmusic.com)	(48)
		Please stay healthy, Justice Kennedy: Supreme Court justices John Paul Stevens and Ruth Bader Ginsburg may step down soon to let Obama appoint their liberal replacements  (abcnews.go.com)	(150)
		Obama has a (carefully scripted) Q&A with (hand-selected) Democrats (who are in tough reelection races) to address their concerns (and give them lots of soundbites for their upcoming campaigns)  (blogs.wsj.com)	(134)
		Scientists studying deadly Australian snails in hopes of finding new painkilling drugs. If only there were a phrase to describe the pace at which their research is proceeding  (news.com.au)	(14)
(Some Toothy Grins)		Shane MacGowan, Nick Cave, and Johnny Depp have finished recording their charity single for Haiti. To paraphrase Meatloaf, two out of three ain't bad  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(23)
(KTLA)		Alleged Tiger Woods mistress upset over novelty golf ball set featuring her face and those of his other conquests. Not the first time their face has been in close proximity to balls  (ktla.com)	(26)
		Target, the big box retailer everyone goes to because they don't mistreat their employees, will eliminate 8,000 full time positions held by seasoned workers. To clarify, this is exactly what Circuit City did before things took a turn  (consumerist.com)	(146)
		Special Olympics tell Rahm Emanuel to slowly kiss their retarded asses  (politico.com)	(161)

		Bankrupt progressive radio network Air America still owes money to some of its on-air personalities, who may in turn be unable to pay their dealers, yoga instructors, and vegan co-ops  (mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com)	(186)
(Prefix)		Flaming Lips to headline first night of Bonnaroo festival by lulling audience to sleep with their entire version of "Dark Side of the Moon"  (prefixmag.com)	(68)
(Bama Web Cam)		Today is National Signing Day when high school football players officially decide where to play in college. How big has it gotten? Alabama has a webcam set up on their fax machine so people can see when "letters of intent" come in  (all-access.cbssports.com)	(75)
		"The hatred of Obama is not about him. It's about them. It's about their resentment of a man who has integrated his own identity and made a place for himself in a pluralist world."  (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)	(193)
		Now that Toyota has their gas-pedal problem fixed, there's no stopping them now... (as new brake issues surface)  (kansascity.com)	(71)
		Scientists warn of an upcoming Lulz-quake of epic proportions as the Tea-baggers prepare to release their "crowd-sourced" party platform, to be entitled the "Contract From America"  (news.yahoo.com)	(352)
		Geologists from the NS Sherlock Institute for the Study of the Blindingly Obvious warn Haitians that they might want to move their capital city somewhere else  (news.yahoo.com)	(56)

		About seventy percent of people use the same password at their bank as they do everywhere else on the 'tubes. God, Sex, Money still top three most common passwords? You submitted this with a better Hackers reference  (redtape.msnbc.com)	(266)
(The Rock Radio)		Europe to launch UK tour. No word yet as to whether or not a certain crappy but endearing cover band will be their opening act  (therockradio.com)	(20)
		How bad did the NFL misjudge their claim of ownership of "Who Dat"? " Shopkeeper: "One lady told me she wanted to buy anything in the store that was not NFL-licensed"  (msnbc.msn.com)	(83)

		People in Colorado are starving because they can't get their food stamps on time. With picture of what a starving American looks like  (denverpost.com)	(474)
		Far be it from us to cast aspersions on the quality of the US education system, but while your kids are competing in spelling bees, Australian children have a contest which tests their knowledge of advanced neuroscience  (news.com.au)	(128)
		Since their own government is as effective as herbal Viagra purchased online, Haitians want the US to take over their country  (washingtonpost.com)	(339)
		Arizona's Heart Attack Grille sues Heart Stoppers Grill in Florida for ripping off their defibrillator-and-dialysis machine decor and Double Bypass burgers  (sun-sentinel.com)	(33)
		The original members of Limp Bizkit have a treat in store for their fan  (contactmusic.com)	(51)
		Australians say they'd rather give up sex, their car and their friends than lay off alcohol for a month  (news.com.au)	(79)
(Soviet Canuckistan)		"...one cannot look through the list of President Obama's strange and demented policy czars without spotting so many Holden Caulfields, nor escape their ever-presence among the talking heads of MSNBC..."  (ottawacitizen.com)	(114)

		Senator David Vitter starts printing his own Who Dat t-shirts and writes the NFL a letter demanding that they either sue him or drop their ridiculous trademark claim  (examiner.com)	(72)
		Billboards urge Massachusetts residents to buy their beer in tax-free New Hampshire, an act punishable by a year in jail if police ever run out of other laws to enforce  (boston.com)	(103)
(Billboard Magazine)		The Who reveal their set list for the Super Bowl, having figured out how to keep ADD kids' attention  (billboard.com)	(28)
		Coast Guard takes a break from their busy schedule of, uh, doing, whatever they normally do, to fly two rare sea turtles from Oregon to San Diego  (azcentral.com)	(66)
		A Montana family responds to criticism and harassement for flying their American flag upside down to indicate our country is in a "state of emergency."  (billingsgazette.com)	(178)
		After getting their ass handed to them in the State of the Union speech and on their own turf Friday, Republicans fight back with a tried and true political chestnut: Obama is "soft on terror". EVERYBODY PANIC  (politico.com)	(456)
		Evangelical family gets political asylum in another country because state wouldn't let their five kids be home-schooled to avoid "anti-Christian worldview" taught in public schools  (spiegel.de)	(529)

		You're hoping to stop your kid from getting divorced. Do you c) give their one-year-old daughter blood thinners, causing her to bleed uncontrollably?  (washingtonpost.com)	(63)
		Painting every roof white could reflect heat, reduce Global Warming, and cause everyone north of the Mason-Dixon line to turn up their thermostats  (news.yahoo.com)	(127)
		Prison offers to reduce jail sentence for every inmate who "gets on all fours and forms an inverted V by pushing their buttocks high into the air." Really  (abcnews.go.com)	(61)
		Pudgy male pols are considered more reliable and honest than their thinner counterparts. In other news, NJ has their most honest governor ever  (nydailynews.com)	(25)
		Tennessee approves teaching the Bible in public schools. ACLU rep unsure of new guidelines, tells reporter "The devil is in the details." Looks like someone failed their Bible classes  (upi.com)	(256)
		Full video of Obama wiping the floor with the House Republicans at their own retreat  (youtube.com)	(295)
		Obama admits that Democrats let some provisions 'sneak into' health care legislation that violate his promises that citizens who like their insurance, doctors can keep them  (realclearpolitics.blogs.time.com)	(64)
		Atheists demand their constitutional right not to have to lick Mother Teresa's backside  (foxnews.com)	(133)
		"Why do people often vote against their own interests?" Democrat African-Americans and gay Republicans unavailable for comment  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(118)
(Ynet)		Hot IDF chicks- breaking the silence of the systematic cruel violence, killing of innocent people and cover-ups in the Occupied territories. Farkers show up just to watch their butts jiggle when they write on the dry erase boards  (ynetnews.com)	(88)

		TSGs Friday Photo Fun. Match the crime with their occupation. Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com)	(100)
(Post Chronicle)		On the news that CBS has accepted Tebow's pro-life commercial, Mancrunch steps up by offering ad for their gay dating site  (postchronicle.com)	(98)
		Apparently it takes two Dartmouth professors to figure out that ski areas lie about their snow totals. Thanks Dr. Ric and Dr. Romero  (news.yahoo.com)	(53)
		Hayden Panettiere is now a redhead, and has admitted to being drawn to older men. Just in case any Farkers find this relevant to their interests  (stuff.co.nz)	(192)

		Conservatives are born scared of their own shadow. Liberals don't scare as easily. Here is the science proving what everyone has inuitively known for years  (wired.com)	(426)
(RWN)		While the left was quick to accuse Gov. McDonnell of selecting the people behind him during GOP response for their 'diversity,' it turns out they're his Cabinet  (rightwingnews.com)	(116)
		Sigur Ros decides to go ahead and scrap their new album and take a hiatus for the rest of 2010  (contactmusic.com)	(34)
		Comedy duo reponsible for "Rod Blagojevich: Superstar" unveils their next brainchild: "Rush Limbaugh: The Musical." And yes, the lyrics to the song about Oxycontin addiction are included  (suntimes.com)	(47)
		We shall never forget them nor the last time we saw them, as they prepared for their mission and waved good-bye and slipped the surly bonds of Earth to touch the face of God  (youtube.com)	(178)
		Colts Pro-Bowlers making round-trip flight from Indy to Miami to Indy on Sunday, then fly back to Miami with their teammates Monday  (sports.espn.go.com)	(88)
		America's most prestigious colleges lost their shirts investing in stocks in 2008. For 2009 they invested with private equity. Guess what happened?  (nytimes.com)	(59)
		Chicago is cancelling their 3rd of July fireworks show. THAT IS UNAMERICAN. WHY DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT THE FOURTH OF JULY...oh, I see  (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(67)
		Country club voting on whether to allow turbans to be worn on their premises after Sikh community leader was refused entry to a party given there in his honor  (nzherald.co.nz)	(112)
		The truth behind the Scorpions' retirement comes out: Their manager said it was "time to stop rocking." Come on, they had years left in them. YEARS I SAY  (contactmusic.com)	(22)

(Digitalspy)		Muse is donating their drum kit for Haiti auction. It's described as being in new and unused condition    (digitalspy.com)	(42)
		Favorite rock stars, photoshopped into their "Avatar" alter egos. Bono still looks pompous but for Lady gaga, it's actually an improvement  (rollingstone.com)	(60)
		Ten percent of children realize that they are not precious, will not amount to anything in the future, and cause their parents to drink heavily  (dailymail.co.uk)	(141)
		Obama's spending freeze is getting results already: Lobbyists are rushing to get their projects on the final $80 billion stimulus plan before the wallet closes  (thehill.com)	(106)
(Some Guy)		Tennesse Titans replace their running backs coach. Because, you know, they were so bad at running the ball this season  (titansradio.com)	(23)
		Toyota halts US sales of Camry, 7 other models, owners will receive a notice to turn in their smug cards  (news.yahoo.com)	(122)
		In a ranking of "green" economies, the US is 61st. Iceland is number one, which its citizens can take pride in as their economy collapses like a gut-shot goose  (nytimes.com)	(90)
		NATO considering negotiating a truce with Taliban in Afghanistan, consulting with former US president on designs for their own Mission Accomplished banner  (ctv.ca)	(69)
		Man arrested after trying to crawl through the ceiling to spy on the dancers' dressing room at a strip club. What was he hoping to see, women with their clothes on?  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(107)

		After four years spent trying to adopt a pair of Haitian orphans, one Montana family finally gets their wish. Bonus: pic of one orphan seeing snow for the first time  (billingsgazette.com)	(157)
		"Men don't cheat because their wives are ugly", they cheat because wives don't put out  (cnn.com)	(472)
		Fox News has shoved CNN's catch phrase "The Most Trusted Name In News" right down their throats. Butt hurt, this direction »»»»»»»  (politico.com)	(377)
(NY Observer)		Tired of people getting their news for free, Newsday puts its web site behind a pay wall for $5 a week. After three months, they have a grand total of 35 paying customers  (observer.com)	(195)
(Some Guy)		The birthers' legal challenge against Obama seems to be backfiring on them as their legal bills go through the roof  (motherjones.com)	(200)
		Oakland Athletics invest ten million dollars in their disabled list for 2010  (sports.espn.go.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)		Family sues, saying their dad died because of his denture adhesive. Defendants say the lawsuit has no teeth, will just gum up the court system, and the family needs to get a poligrip  (nbcmiami.com)	(33)
		Syracuse spots Georgetown 14 points to start the game, still kicks their asses by 17 points. Duke sucks  (rivals.yahoo.com)	(21)
		Burglar breaks into construction company's workshop to steal their collection of pin-up calendars. Police are stuck to his trail  (thelocal.de)	(19)
		Two crocodiles, named Paleo and Suchus, have been taught to listen for their names being called. This could come in handy; for instance: "Please let go of my leg, Paleo" or "No, no, Suchus, you're mangling my arm"  (telegraph.co.uk)	(32)
		In the spirt of bipartianship, President Obama meets GOP halfway on their demands and says he'd rather be a good one-term president than a poor two-term president  (abcnews.go.com)	(213)

		Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning talk about kissing in their new movie, and how you've already clicked the link haven't you?  (mtv.com)	(82)
		Nancy Kerrigan's brother goes all Tonya Harding on their father  (thebostonchannel.com)	(103)
		Glitch in airline's computer allows customers to buy first class tickets for $2.90. Instead of canceling tickets, company admits it was their mistake and says passengers get to keep them  (news.yahoo.com)	(47)
		Fire department under scrutiny for their desire to buy a $34,000 speedboat. Come on, the water-locked island of Omaha needs this  (omaha.com)	(67)
		Saab owners stage a protest to save their beloved brand. Outside of an Ikea. In Chicago. Pretty sure this is a textbook case for Doing it Wrong  (chicagotribune.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)		After hearing story of two-year old girl killed by a truck, Oregon inmates donate most of their earnings to buy a headstone. These dark cells won't let you see the tear in subby's eye  (katu.com)	(129)
		You know who else stole a late-night show from their replacement?  (online.wsj.com)	(81)

		Mendocino County sheriff using imaging software to show kids what their faces would look like on meth, unintentionally transforms NPR host from "dork" to "awesome badass"  (npr.org)	(141)
		Will the Jets make the Colts regret sitting their starters? Will 40-year old Brett Favre lead the Vikings back to the Super Bowl? Will Breesus save us all? It's your AFC & NFC Championship Game thread (3:00pm ET CBS, 6:40pm ET FOX)  (sports.espn.go.com)	(7255)
		At Canadian concert, GNR frontman Axl Rose orders security goons to detain entering fans who wear Slash T-shirts or top hats, force costume change. Most GNR detainees meekly obeyed, as is their nature  (tmz.com)	(89)
		The Oakland Raiders keep their Cable plugged in for another season  (sports.espn.go.com)	(28)
		Obama sticks it to Glenn Beck's congregation by redistributing 10% of their gold investment. That's the only way you could lose money on something that never loses its value  (cnbc.com)	(338)

		Republicans shouldn't do their touchdown dance while they're still on their own 41-yard line  (news.yahoo.com)	(91)
		"Men can communicate their testosterone levels through the way they dance." And the way they beat up other men who make fun of their dancing  (spiegel.de)	(77)
(Open Secrets)		Want to know why Democrats are so up in arms about yesterdays SCOTUS decision? Maybe it's because it might take away their advantage in fundraising  (opensecrets.org)	(426)
		The Tea-party movement has turned its grass-roots rage on an inside Washington, Fat-cats only, event where polticians will pocket $100,000 speaking fees, and the cheapest ticket is $500. Unfortunately it's their own party convention  (news.yahoo.com)	(295)
		Singapore, Beijing, Hong Kong and Tokyo breathe a sigh of relief as The Killers cancel their entire Asian tour  (gigwise.com)	(13)
		Chavez, angry because no one is paying attention to him, accuses the U.S. Navy of using their earthquake machine on Haiti. No, really  (realclearpolitics.com)	(114)
		Australians outraged by champion Russian ice dancers' insensitive portrayal of aborigines during their skating routine (pic)  (independent.co.uk)	(22)
		Presenting a couple dozen gun enthusiasts getting their collective asses kicked while firing a .557 rifle. Well, except for the last guy; he's down with it  (liveleak.com)	(48)

		Peter Gabriel rules out ever joining Genesis on stage again, which means the group is forever doomed to play their corny, substandard post-Gabriel material  (rollingstone.com)	(57)
(Some Guy)		Sources: Raiders contact Harbaugh; I suppose he couldn't be any worse than their current QBs  (footballnewsnow.com)	(28)
(Some Spice Boy)		Coming soon to B'way: Spice Girls, the musical. Finally a new audience will be exposed to all of their hit song. This should surely thrill both of their fans  (crainsnewyork.com)	(11)
(Citizen.org)		Liberal advocacy group Public Citizen reacts to today's Supreme Court decision by calling for a constitutional amendment and public financing of elections and groups that whine and stamp their feet enough  (citizen.org)	(250)
		How did the SEC drop the ball so badly on Madoff and other scammers? Maybe because their system for managing whistleblower complaints makes an Applebee's suggestion box look like state of the art  (washingtonpost.com)	(133)
		Swedish students occupy brewery as part of a series of demonstrations aimed at convincing management to build a beer pipeline to their university  (thelocal.se)	(37)
		James Cameron honored by PETA for not skinning any blue lizard-cats for their glow-in-the-dark hides in his latest film  (starpulse.com)	(39)

		Keith Olbermann goes full retard, says Brown voters were just releasing their inner racists: "Is this vote to any degree just a euphemism the way state's rights was in the 60s?"  (hotair.com)	(281)
		If you're thinking of making a donation to help the Haitians in their time of need, make sure it's not really going to the Swedish Necrophilia Association  (thelocal.se)	(72)
(Some Guy)		Each month the equivalent of seven large swimming pools of grease make their way down Seattle's drains, proving hippies do take baths once in awhile  (mnn.com)	(126)
(Collider)		Coen Brothers' version of "True Grit" set to arrive on Christmas Day, which gives everyone plenty of time to figure out how this remake rapes their childhood  (collider.com)	(110)
		Soul Asylum is selling all their gear on Craigslist. It's expected to sell quickly to people who want to prevent Soul Asylum from ever using it again    (minneapolis.craigslist.org)	(93)

		As expected, GOP fully embraces TEA party activists and solidifies the party's base. Just kidding, RNC isn't returning their phone calls  (thefoxnation.com)	(89)
		Joe Perry says Aerosmith has "let their fans down." However, this apology only covers recent months, not the past thirty-five years  (contactmusic.com)	(21)
		While Philadelphia Eagles management mulls over which QB to keep and which to dump, it appears the players have already made their decision  (ca.sports.yahoo.com)	(99)
		Sequel to 'The Hangover' could star Zax Efron, Will Smith and "all the 'Twilight' guys with their shirts off"  (3news.co.nz)	(83)
		Starving, thirsty, homeless Haitians can rest easy now that their solar-powered bibles have finally arrived  (news.com.au)	(469)
		The Chicago Blackhawks continue their stranglehold on the top spot in ESPN's NHL Power Rankings  (espn.go.com)	(115)

		It was 20 years ago...Rolling Stone's best new artist of 1990 and their first single. Bonus: It rocks  (youtube.com)	(68)
		Military sets their sights on deciphering secret bible code  (abcnews.go.com)	(388)
		NY lawmaker kicks off his senate campaign by hoping the Giants can continue on their path to the Superbowl. Next stop will be a campaign rally at Shea Stadium  (nypost.com)	(15)
		Avatards doom their children to a life of living the blues  (thesun.co.uk)	(109)

		New York Times to charge to read their made up, radical, left-wing content  (engadget.com)	(61)
		If the GOP wins the Massachussetts Senate seat, it will not only be a vindication of the nihilistic and destructive strategy of obstructionism, but it will be final proof that the American people don't deserve to keep their republic  (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)	(533)
(Recursivity)		Old: Over-zealous copyright owners issuing DMCA takedown notices. New hotness: Creationists issue notices on critics for showing their logo. As a wise man once said, "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."  (recursed.blogspot.com)	(64)
		Johnson & Johnson, fresh from recalling half their products for smelling like ass, is under indictment for racketeering. Sorry, a Band-Aid won't fix all that  (washingtonpost.com)	(22)
		High end electronics manufacurer Lexicon takes a $500 Oppo dvd player and puts their name on it and charges $3,500  (hd.engadget.com)	(144)
		Journey refuses to sell out their songs to Simon Cowell, which is by far the most tasteful thing they ever done  (thesun.co.uk)	(27)

		Not News: Sex offender gets 5 years for probation violation. FARK: according to the comments and some of the rest of the internet, he posted some heartwarming YouTube videos, and should be free based on their merit  (wftv.com)	(204)
		Ladies, learn how to knit your own Wonder Woman sweater. Oh, who am I kidding; it's going to be lonely male virgins who need something new for their Real Dolls  (io9.com)	(19)
		Wall Street bankers confirm they have no clue about anything except how to line their own pockets  (nytimes.com)	(98)

		Iran vows to stop mollycoddling protesters, will now kill them plus their families plus their friends PLUS their families AND 10 random people  (nytimes.com)	(127)
(Technology News)		When the TSA said their bodyscanners don't save images, what they really meant is that your fat, naked ass will be all over the intertubes  (technewsworld.com)	(206)
		Not News: Police called after three men rob a CVS drugstore. News: After fleeing police, all three men killed in wrong-way crash on interstate. Fark: the men were in their 50s and stealing Axe grooming products  (freep.com)	(83)
		Heroic Democratic People's Republic of Korea generously offers to assist imperialist running dog lackey stooges of south Korea in disposing of their corrupt food surplus  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(101)
		Knitters the world over groan as their secret nerdiness is revealed. Nerds the world over suddenly realize they don't know enough math to knit properly  (kotaku.com)	(38)
		Germans need to clean up their toxic Asse dump according to their environment minister, Cartman's Mom  (thelocal.de)	(22)
		The Killers make self-important statement about needing a break. I mean really, get off their backs fan  (webn.com)	(19)
		Nanny state demands TV show re-animates their opening sequence because a cartoon pig was noticed driving without a seat belt. Speed Racer unavailable for comment  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(32)
		This Photoshop theme challenge is to take famous sci-fi heroes out of their element, and to drop them into another franchise. LGT inspiration  (io9.com)	(175)
		Good old fashioned brick and mortar bookstores are, sadly, dying out. There are many factors contributing to their demise; higher illeteracy rates, laziness, free wi-fi, inexplicable coffee cafes, and general malaise  (io9.com)	(255)

		Quebec Premier, "noting that the Quebec-based Cirque du Soleil and Céline Dion have made their mark in the U.S. market," vows to forge broader ties with America  (montrealgazette.com)	(43)
(10 TV News Ohio)		Bus drivers caught peeing behind dumpster. Transit authority pissed; have flushed the culprits out and terminated their income stream. Urine trouble if you think discharge won't stick  (10tv.com)	(54)
		Chavez declares whale sperm, pickles, and codeine essential items. Citzens must also wear their underwear on the outside of their pants  (businessweek.com)	(92)
(LA Weekly)		Random quotes from Ozzy Osbourne's upcoming autobiography: "The only groupies that came to our gigs were 'two-baggers' -- you needed to put a couple of bags over their head before you could shag them; one wasn't enough"  (blogs.laweekly.com)	(20)
		Keyboard commandos living in their mother's basement were able to scrounge up $1 billion for copies of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Condom sales among the demographic, uneffected  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(190)
		Pregnant women can boost the intelligence of their babies by eating bacon and eggs. Oh bacon, is there ANYTHING you can't do?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(68)

(American Spectator)		Yep, it's who you know: Democrats reward labor unions for their political support by exempting them from the proposed surtax on high-priced "Cadillac" health care plans  (spectator.org)	(384)
		The GOP finds their "Obama". A first term Senator with no real experience or leadership history.... this should end well  (news.yahoo.com)	(202)
		"While it goes without saying that the vast majority of people have the good sense not to take their vehicles on to frozen waterways..."  (dailymail.co.uk)	(47)
		Foreign firms encounter many obstacles to doing business in China, including rampant counterfeiting, discriminatory laws, and excessive beating if their bribes are too low  (nytimes.com)	(42)
		3 out of 4 people doing Federal Government work are actually private contractors, who are on facebook, twitter, and Fark for 6 out of the 8 hours of their workday  (huffingtonpost.com)	(123)
		When trying to pick up girls, make sure their kindergarten teacher isn't watching you  (cbc.ca)	(74)
		Beverly Hills is going to kick non-resident, or so-called "permit students" in kindergarden through 8th grade students out of their schools. Some people seem to have a problem with this  (news.yahoo.com)	(159)

(Galveston Daily News)		In today's "what color is the sky in their world" story, BOA says lawsuit from homeowner of house they mistakenly seized and turned off the power, causing major damage when 75 pounds of fish rotted, has no merit. That stinks  (galvnews.com)	(109)
(Meh)		System of a Down expected to reunite this year. Their legion of fan said to be excited  (nme.com)	(53)
(Some Snow Guy)		Not content with forcing kids off their lawns, Condominium Board destroys their snow fort, too (pics)  (ottawacitizen.com)	(74)
		Canada tries to make China their chum for seal meat  (metronews.ca)	(19)
		Oklahoma City Thunder would've gotten away with the NY Knicks blaming ghosts for their loss against them if it weren't for those pesky kids and that stupid dog  (nydailynews.com)	(15)
(NBC Sports)		Although the Dallas Cowboys were prepared to go crazy signing free agents in an uncapped year, winning their playoff game last weekend now puts restrictions on who they can sign  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(63)
		A GOP view of gay marriage: "Confining some of our neighbors and friends who share these same values to an outlaw or second-class status undermines their sense of belonging and weakens their ties with the rest of us"  (hotair.com)	(213)
		A couple of rednecks get their hands on a flooded out Harley and retool it into a pretty awesome 4 wheeler. No really, it's pretty freakin' awesome  (youtube.com)	(30)
		Notoriously loud, violent protest groups threaten to oust their party if health care bill passes. Fark: It's the unions, wanting the DNC out of business  (huffingtonpost.com)	(138)
(Some Guy)		British moms upset over "career women make bad mothers" billboard their nannies told them about  (rochdaleonline.co.uk)	(232)

(The Daily Swarm)		Iron Maiden drummer to open rock-themed barbecue restaurant, tentatively called Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter, and will feature their famous Run To The Hills hot sauce. Just keep in mind they close 2 Minutes to Midnight  (thedailyswarm.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)		Looking for a pet? Homes sought for 15 llamas; just watch out for their beaks  (abc15.com)	(73)
(Improv Everywhere)		Improv Everywhere convinces subway riders around the world to take off their pants (pics)  (improveverywhere.com)	(284)
		Fox News to continue their bold tradition of Fair and Balancedness by non-partisanly signing independent maverick Sarah Palin as unbiased news contributor  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(710)
		Mark Zuckerberg says no one should be upset when he sells off their personal information to the highest bidder  (guardian.co.uk)	(56)
		Double standard failing to work, Democrats now playing the race Card in their attempt to save the foundering USS Harry Reid  (news.yahoo.com)	(877)
		Human League head back to the studio to record their first new album in nine years. It's nice to know we'll have some good 80s nostalgia this year  (contactmusic.com)	(45)
		Passengers bravely don their brown trousers as ice shatters plane windshield at 15,000 feet  (seattlepi.com)	(78)

		Inmate sues Penthouse magazine on the grounds that their refusal to fulfill subscription request to prison address does not respect "his basic rights" to kill kittens  (nydailynews.com)	(98)
		Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, New Order, Coldplay and David Bowie get their own stamps. If you lick the Rolling Stones one, you can't drive or operate heavy machinery for at least two days    (rollingstone.com)	(28)
		"Avatar" wins its fourth weekend in a row, becoming the highest-grossing movie released in 2009, crushing newcomer "Daybreakers." Further proof that more Americans prefer their sci-fi good and their vampires sparkly and pale  (blogs.wsj.com)	(468)

		The National Tea Party Convention has announced their keynote speakers: Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Judge Roy Moore, and World Net Daily founder Joseph Farah  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(362)
		Side-by-side comparison of Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno dealing with their awkward situation in monolgue form on the left. Farkers arguing over who's funnier on the right  (examiner.com)	(90)
		Talk show hosts as political candidates? Sounds good in theory, until they realize the campaign trail doesn't allow them to hang up on their opponents to silence them  (politico.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)		Outraged cyclists ask Facebook to remove group promoting violence against bicyclists. In accordance to their Terms of Use, Facebook complies. Just kidding. Facebook: "Hit the road, hipsters"  (sf.streetsblog.org)	(328)
		Togo's soccer team shot at with AK-47s. One killed, three injured, the rest left writhing on the ground holding their shins    (cnn.com)	(34)

		The Romulans are perfecting their cloaking technology  (newscientist.com)	(26)
		Comcast, FCC take net neutrality dispute to court; Comcast's attorneys expected to argue their case sometime between 1:00 and 6:00 p.m  (news.yahoo.com)	(46)
		It would be a good thing if more people chose to voluntarily default on their mortgages  (nytimes.com)	(254)
(WKRC in Cincinnati)		Not News: Car crashes into home. News: Driver is reporter for local TV station. FARK: It's their traffic guy  (local12.com)	(69)
		"Everybody in the world knows Allah is the Muslim God and belongs to Muslims. I cannot understand why the Christians want to claim Allah as their god"  (time.com)	(389)
		Parents discover their toddler is not USB compatible. Third degree burn compatible sure, but USB compatible, not so much  (denverpost.com)	(362)
		FOX pulls episodes of 'Our Little Genius' over 'integrity' issues, recommends that viewers interested in watching child-like delivery of information via earpiece tune in to their news network instead  (news-briefs.ew.com)	(48)

		The best time of the year wraps up tonight with the BCS title game. Will Alabama win their first national title since 1992? Will Texas win and Alabama claims the national title anyways? This is your BCS title game discussion thread  (scores.espn.go.com)	(lots)
		Porsches smack of success. Hondas preach practicality. And, according to a recent report, Chevys proudly proclaim of their owners, "I don't use the Internet"  (finance.yahoo.com)	(142)
		Oakland Raiders reject former QB Rich Gannon's offer to help because anybody that would publicly offer to help the Raiders obviously needs some help of their own  (usatoday.com)	(51)
		The Sweet perform their glam-rock hit Ballroom Blitz. No, Krokus did the cheesy-cool metal cover in the 1980s, and Tia Carrere covered it in Wayne's World, and someone ripped off STOMP with it on America's Got Talent. Lawn. Off. Please  (youtube.com)	(75)

		The last B. Dalton's is closing. Subby toasts their memory with his Orange Julius    (startribune.com)	(110)
		Vampire Weekend wants you to preview their upcoming release. Farkers will hate it for numerous reasons, mostly because it has nothing to do with Pink Floyd  (npr.org)	(63)
		It turns out our Solar System is in a galactic minority class. Maybe that's why alien vacationers roll up their windows when they pass through  (sciencedaily.com)	(39)
		Just 32 percent of voters believe their congressman is representing their best interests, while the other 68 percent aren't lobbyists for agriculture or defense industries  (rasmussenreports.com)	(26)
		New book by Osama Bin Laden's children reveal a cruel father who routinely beat his kids, killed theIr pets in poison gas experiments, and asked them to go on suicide missions  (abcnews.go.com)	(188)
		Canada deflated as USA snaps their five-year Gold Medal streak at World Junior Hockey Championships. America looks up from what it's doing and asks "The World what now?"  (ctv.ca)	(197)
		"Is Zoe Saldana the new Kate Winslet?" Such a question can only be answered with a Fark thread full of their pictures  (mtv.com)	(93)

(Some Guy)		New survey claims only 45 percent of Americans are satisfied with their work, much like their employers  (newsnet5.com)	(129)
		2008: Iceland's economy tanks just a little bit harder than everyone else's. 2009: despite their own woes, the UK and the Netherlands bail Iceland out. 2010: Iceland owes € 12,000 per citizen, refuses to pay  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(66)
		Producers Guild of America has unveiled their nominations for Best Picture...and Star Trek is on the list  (variety.com)	(137)
		Remember when we used to make fun of Socialist Europe for their unemployment numbers? Yeah, they are kicking our Capitalist ass  (businessweek.com)	(95)
		We have Al Qaeda on the run... except for their double agent who took out the command and control structure for intelligence in Afghanistan. Aside from that? We're totally winning  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(126)

		Casey Johnson, heir of Johnson & Johnson, found dead. Early reports citing Tequila overdose  (thesuperficial.com)	(122)
(Some Guy)		Who cares if Texas turns their science curriculum into Creationist Hour? That won't affect the rest of the country, will it?  (washingtonmonthly.com)	(894)
		"Citigroup and Bank of America, for example, concluded that everyone in their executive suites was above average when compared with peers at other giant banks that didn't need a bailout"  (nytimes.com)	(30)
		This is a great time to be a golfer in Phoenix. However, it's a really crappy time to be a golf course owner or to live next to a golf course in Phoenix. "There's going to be 6-foot weeds outside their back door"  (azcentral.com)	(29)
		Little Timmy Geithner goes after TurboTax® for embarrassing him with their complex software  (reuters.com)	(64)
		Today's Headline That Sounds Dirty But Really Isn't: "Celtics Like their Pipeline Clogged"  (sports.yahoo.com)	(18)
		Columnist responds to hatemail: "You intuitively understand, letters written entirely in capitals impress with their intensity. I would advise you adopt this form of communication for all correspondence, particularly job applications"  (washingtonpost.com)	(227)
		With their loss to the Bears yesterday, the Detroit Lions complete the worst decade ever for a professional sports team  (espn.go.com)	(56)
		Proving their no horse so dead you can't sneak in one more blow, "The Simpsons" is set to mark its 450th episode with a special documentary  (news.yahoo.com)	(118)
(Some Guy)		Two earthquakes rock the Solomon Islands, sign autographs with groupies, then get on their tour bus for the next gig  (themoneytimes.com)	(24)
(WKYC)		Parents who refused to pass school levy are shocked, SHOCKED that their district is forced to cut school busing  (wkyc.com)	(293)
		John Mellencamp's son, Speck, has tried to get his dad to quit smoking...I'm sorry, "Speck?" Who the hell names their kid Speck?  (contactmusic.com)	(72)

		Vultures facing extinction from A: Global warming B: Habitat encroachment or C: Gamblers smoking joints made from their brains, in order to see into the future  (guardian.co.uk)	(88)
		Parents sue 52 yr old son after he blows £100,000 of their money. Son says money not wasted:"I have had some outstanding holidays and experiences which I will always treasure and reflect on"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(83)
		Scientists say dolphins should be treated as "non-human persons", based upon their brain size, higher cognitive and communication skills, and empathy for others. Scientists say dolphins are essentially more advanced than Katie Holmes  (timesonline.co.uk)	(106)
		The flip side to "why did Indy pull their starters?": Patriot Wes Welker leaves game after knee injury in meaningless game  (sports.espn.go.com)	(74)
(NME)		Coldplay raises over $400,000 for charity with their eBay auction of rare band memorabilia. They can probably raise even more if they threaten to disclose the names of people who bought said merchandise  (nme.com)	(14)

		Sanctimonious vegetarians now want meat with their moral superiority. They are still better than you, but at least you can invite them to the BBQ  (newsweek.com)	(501)
(Some Guy)		Smokers upset that new "fire-safe" cigarettes might be bad for their health  (wtsp.com)	(322)
(Some Guy)		Parents tattoo six of their kids at home, are surprised that some people had a problem with this. Bonus: "Oh should I not have done that?" vid  (wrcbtv.com)	(341)
		NASA is looking for places to donate the space shuttles when they are retired in a couple of years. The multi-billion dollar shuttles will be given away for free, but shipping and handling is $42 million. Your good feedback gets theirs    (chron.com)	(176)
		Up two points with four seconds to go, Sacramento reaches deep into their defensive playbook and pulls out the one where they leave Kobe Bryant wide open in three-point range  (nba.com)	(63)
		Dutchie and Tootsie, two five-week old kittens found abadoned and half frozen in a clothing collection bin are now recovering with their foster family (and potential adopters) in time for Caturday (with pic)  (boston.com)	(837)
		If you shoot the guy who made a drugged sextape with your girlfriend of half your age who you met through banging her mother you shouldn't claim to be an Outlaw when you aren't because they will send their Greek lawyer after you  (theledger.com)	(98)

		Congressmen brag that they oppose the "failed" stimulus then take credit for stimulus money sent to their districts. Obvious trumps amusing, asinine, fail, ironic, sad, and sick  (thinkprogress.org)	(109)
		Nebraska band can't travel to their bowl game tonight because of bad weather. High school band from Lincoln, already in San Diego, gets the call, has one day to learn fight song  (omaha.com)	(83)

		U.S. taxpayers to lose up to $400 billion providing the "American Dream" to people living above their means. Or, 2/3 of the yearly Defense Budget  (businessweek.com)	(65)
		Celebrities aren't the only ones who enjoy inflicting challenging names on their children, just ask Crystal Sunshine Turpin Lemons  (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(199)
		Not happy with just alienating their fan base, Blizzard have begun incarcerating their fan base  (kotaku.com)	(147)
		AT&T want the FCC to approve their internet-only phone service so they can eliminate landlines. For those of you born after 1990, landlines are what we used to use before cell phones  (consumerist.com)	(45)
(Some Spinster)		Spin releases their forty best albums of 2009. The list starts with Kiss and just gets worse from there  (spin.com)	(76)
		"Do you want to spend your life (and have your kids spend their lives) to pay ever-increasing taxes for teacher, cop, and bureaurat retirements at early ages? Especially while you're expected to fully fund your own?"  (reason.com)	(242)
		Police charge Mo trucker and his son for kidnapping an Ohio man and torturing him to death in their basement. No word on whether The Gimp may also face charges  (news.yahoo.com)	(107)
		Father and son force their way into wrong house to pick up another son from a birthday party. Homeowner gets all Second Amendmenty on them  (suntimes.com)	(662)
		Dust off your world's smallest violin: AIG executives are quitting because their pay was capped at $500,000  (nytimes.com)	(248)
(Some Guy)		Safeway grocery store leaves their doors unlocked on Christmas by accident. Police find people shopping and leaving cash on the counter. No shoplifting or looting occured  (weaselzippers.net)	(155)

(Wait...What?)		Police confirmed that Sanders walked into their station the night before Christmas claiming his Peco Street home was missing, but said Sanders frequently buys homes in the county and shouldn't have been surprised  (thepittsburghchannel.com)	(36)
		Proving their relevance in today's world, McAfee releases results of in-house study concluding that 2010 will see continuing phishing and virus attacks  (news.cnet.com)	(81)
		Despite his 11 divorces, the man told the court he never has problems finding women. "I send out a hook in all directions, and the fish come on their own."  (myfoxdc.com)	(111)
		Company offers free trip to Mexico, if you take their anti-diarrhea drug. Should be defecation of a lifetime    (cbsnews.com)	(139)

		Meteorologist gets on-air marriage proposal. Forecast calls for raaaaaiiin on their wedding day  (ajc.com)	(37)
		The 14th-ranked Jets may slide into the playoffs by "beating" two teams that are resting their players. It's this week's Week 17 ESPN Power Rankings  (espn.go.com)	(151)
		Kansas still ranked first in the AP poll, despite criticisms that their lineup is a little thin after they play "Carry on My Wayward Son" and "Dust in the Wind"  (sports.espn.go.com)	(45)
		Realizing one can defer their student loans if they are still attending school, should you C.) Get 22 Masters Degree, 5 PhDs, and 3 Doctorate in Literature...and afterwards go back for the 23rd Masters degree at age 65  (sify.com)	(164)

		Mark Wahlberg is upset that David and Victoria Beckham moved into his neighborhood, 'cause now it's wicked loud all the time and the paparazzi pak their caz all ova the place  (starpulse.com)	(58)
		Through their overreaching arrogance, Democrats have succeeded in awakening a sleeping giant - regular Americans. They now climb out of their recliners to have a little cheese dip, assault the Fortresses of Socialism  (townhall.com)	(681)
		White hat hackers stage their own version of the Zombie Apocalypse, killing 200,000 "zombies" by taking down the Mega D Bot-net  (news.yahoo.com)	(99)
		College campuses are adding more and more "green majors" to their rosters, opening up a career path for those who can't hack the rigor of liberal arts  (usatoday.com)	(343)
		News: Celtics take their league-leading road record into L.A., lose on buzzer beater. Fark: To the Clippers  (nba.com)	(34)
(Some Guy)		Two men arrested after using sledgehammer and croquet balls to turn their apartment into an art gallery (with mugshots)  (gainesville.com)	(36)
		"In a setback for U.S. interests in Central America, voters in Honduras elect, as their new president, Rod Blagojevich"  (miamiherald.com)	(47)

		White House spokesman Mike Hammer issues strongly-worded statement on Iran, their recent oppression of the masses, and their shortage of the kind of blonde who'd make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window, sport  (news.yahoo.com)	(142)
		You're AT&T, and hipsters are clogging your internet tubes with their iPhones. Do you; c) Stop selling iPhones in New York City  (consumerist.com)	(80)
		Can the Jets with their #1 defense and #1 running game spell disaster for the perfect Colts? Will the Ravens and Steelers score any offensive points against one another? It's your week 16 NFL discussion thread  (sports.espn.go.com)	(2712)
		Police forced to drop 'Christmas' from poster advertising their increased public presence over holidays in case it upsets atheists or other militants who can't bear to hear that people believe in religions other than theirs  (dailymail.co.uk)	(232)

		Manny Pacquiao to sue Floyd Mayweather over doping allegations. If only there were someplace they could settle their differences  (news.yahoo.com)	(41)
(Some Guy)		Lakers fans give their team the finger, over and over and over again. Literally  (faniq.com)	(39)

Starting in 2010, web aÐÐresses will have retarded characters and symbols that farkers will be able to use to spruce up their hædlines to look ¢øøl  (newscientist.com)

(100)

		2009 called 'Year Of The Bad Decision' in South Carolina, even though it occurs with such frequency that the state could just put it on their license plates  (abcnews.go.com)	(30)
		London restaurant makes diners sign waiver before eating their Christmas pudding, raising the question how English eateries have survived without doing this as a general practice  (google.com)	(78)
		Someone leaves their bags of Christmas gifts on the subway you're riding on. Do you: A) Open the gifts and keep them B) Open the gifts and burn them C) Be a Christmas angel and track down the person who lost them  (wcbstv.com)	(77)

		Astronomers theorize on how decrepit, ancient stars manage to look far younger than their actual age. Joan Rivers and Dick Clark beg the astronomers to quit staring at them  (msnbc.msn.com)	(6)
		If Rolling Stone had any credibility left, they lost it with their list of the 25 best songs of 2009  (rollingstone.com)	(106)
(BBR)		After suing Verizon, losing, hiring Luke Wilson, bragging about being popular, blaming users, blaming Apple, and generally doing everything but improve their network, AT&T now to consider moving to WiFi  (broadbandreports.com)	(61)
(NME)		My Chemical Romance says that their new album was inspired by Blade Runner, Judas Priest, and a car. In other words, it's going to be a disjointed mess that will at the very least give you an out  (nme.com)	(20)
		Cops pick up 2 guys riding naked on their bikes. Nervous about their stiff penalties, cops let them get off with a helmet warning  (sltrib.com)	(19)
		"The group managed to get male ducks to unfurl their penises into glass tubes"  (newscientist.com)	(51)
		To track the melting of Greenland's ice sheet, scientists want to dip their balls in it  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(30)
(smarter Travel)		Customers submit line-by-line instructions for how airlines can improve their business model. Airlines respond: "We can't hear you over the sound of how awesome we are."  (smartertravel.com)	(79)
		Family that lives 18 miles from ocean finds baby seal in their yard, decides to consider it a Christmas present and name it Rudolph. "It looked like a huge slimy cat" (pics)  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(57)

		Girls who have sex in their teens are at greater risk of developing cervical cancer, being popular  (dailymail.co.uk)	(173)
		Tom Brady, on his alma mater losing to their betters six years in a row: "It's ugly now, especially watching Ohio State beat us like they did, listening to all those jerks." Tell us Tom, tell us how much it hurts  (freep.com)	(61)
		Of 20 kids born in a town in the past year, 5 had birth defects and 3 died. Local toxic waste dump owners say their dump is safe and something else must be to blame  (sacbee.com)	(167)
		Balloon Boy parents hit with a tab of $42,000 for their October stunt. Will probably have to sell their share of the Brooklyn Bridge to pay for it  (denverpost.com)	(140)

		New study reveals that the deaf may one day be able to hear through their teeth. If only Anne Frank had lived long enough for this breakthrough  (newscientist.com)	(179)
		U2 are under the impression their best work is ahead of them: "We all genuinely believe it. It's not arrogance. It's because we are still hungry. There's no reason why we can't do this"  (contactmusic.com)	(53)
		Kotaku puts on a college football bowl and playoff spectacular; the good news is, in their reality we get an actual NCAA champion. The bad news is, their choice shows why the NCAA never lets video game geeks decide the NCAA champion  (kotaku.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)		Today's Fark-ready headline - Defiant pig farmer tells state to "bring their army"  (clarecountyreview.com)	(68)
		Business school decides to make a stop-motion video to express their values. Like most business school students, they fail to convey their message but make something interesting anyway  (liveleak.com)	(12)

(Some Hoops Guy)		To show how much their fans mean to them on "Fan Night," the Toronto Raptors have booked Vanilla Ice to perform at half-time of their February 3 game against the Nets. In other news, the Toronto Raptors hate their fans  (lastangryfan.com)	(38)
		American media wins 2009 brown-nosing title for their coverage of Copenhagen summit or, as they put it, 'How Obama saved the world'  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk)	(205)

		Democrats' 2010 election strategy is as fresh as their legislative ideas: Blame Bush  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(180)
(Digital Spy)		Apparently not content with foisting their own stupid ideas on an unwitting public, Wayans brothers are being accused of stealing someone else's stupid idea  (digitalspy.com)	(26)
		In order to reduce their carbon footprint enroute to Copenhagen, Prime Minister Brown, Prince Charles and their aides all shared one fuel efficient bus...nah, just kidding, they each flew in separate chartered planes, generating tons of CO2  (dailymail.co.uk)	(62)

		Dallas Cowboys LB DeMarcus Ware officially listed as questionable and a game time decision for their game against the Saints tomorrow. Let's be real, at this point Wade Phillips would start Chris Henry if he thought it'd save his job  (cowboysblog.dallasnews.com)	(74)
		NBA fines player $7,500 for tweeting about how excited he was for winning a game. $7,500? If the NBA is this hard up for money, why not ask for a loan from their gambling refs?  (sports.espn.go.com)	(37)
		Friday Photo Fun with the folks from TSG: Match the "Santa Con" with their crime for shot at best seller. Contest end at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com)	(40)
		As more and more people are using technology for their everyday social needs, the demand for professional hand jobs is skyrocketing  (gizmodo.com)	(62)
		Mugabe: "When these capitalist gods of carbon burp and belch their dangerous emissions, it's we, the lesser mortals of the developing sphere, who gasp and sink and eventually die." Right. That is, unless Mugabe kills them first  (townhall.com)	(261)
		Two-legged dog helps disabled vets make it on their own. Lil Brudder approves  (news.yahoo.com)	(69)

		Anti-whalers Sea Shepard complain because another ship is following them around, reporting their location and preventing them from closing in on their targets  (news.com.au)	(407)
		Morgan Stanley to walk away from five San Francisco office buildings bought at peak for $6.5 billion in 2007 because they've lost more than 50% of their value. Looks like abandonment's not just for homeowners anymore  (bloomberg.com)	(83)
		Marvel supervillians blow up Soldier Field, retreat to their base in Green Bay  (suntimes.com)	(50)
		Here's an early Christmas surprise: The Specials are planning a reunion of their original lineup  (contactmusic.com)	(25)
		Philip K. Dick's daughter, Isa, may sue Google, claiming they stole her father's idea for their Nexus One cell phone  (io9.com)	(65)
		Right on schedule, it's time for a "Companies are downsizing their holiday parties" story  (boston.com)	(126)

		Car model does her impression of the U.S. automakers at Ford's unveiling of their new Fiesta  (dailymail.co.uk)	(73)
		Having already introduced gourmet coffee to their stores, McDonald's continues it's spiral towards Starbucksery by offering free wi-fi to customers  (chicagotribune.com)	(45)

		Mets looking to replace their broken Putz with a healthy Wang  (mlb.mlb.com)	(27)
		"One senses that if they all put their heads together, it's still doubtful they could beat a carnival chicken at Tic-Tac-Toe."  (latimes.com)	(49)
		Paste picks their top 25 albums of 2009...and their number one choice comes out of nowhere. But we can still biatch that Animal Collective placed so high. Seriously, what the hell do people see in that album?  (pastemagazine.com)	(178)
		Calgary considers mandating sprinkler systems in every new house. They must be really love their lawns  (calgaryherald.com)	(138)
		Meth users in the Cape Girardeau, MO region: The local Sonics no longer offers their $20 crank special, so don't bother asking  (consumerist.com)	(134)
(Some Guy)		If the Colts rest their starters and don't go for a 19-0 season, they'll never make it to the Superbowl. Here comes the science  (bleacherreport.com)	(90)
		Dubai blew through their $10 billion allowance from Abu Dhabi in 24 hours. "More, please."  (bloomberg.com)	(54)
		Thugs shoot their handguns sideways because it looks gangsta...and they've been missing their intended targets for more than a hundred years  (slate.com)	(531)
		You are visiting Jerusalem to see some friends and get stopped by customs. They don't like your answers to their questions, so they C) put 6 bullets in your Macbook Pro before letting you enter the country (w/pic of dead machine)  (engadget.com)	(149)
		Wells Fargo repays the U.S. government for their TRAP money. Unleash the Pinkertons  (marketwatch.com)	(54)
		Fat Cat Wall Street plutocrats know exactly which side their bread is buttered on...which is why they gave so much money to Obama  (nypost.com)	(199)
		Dallas Cowboys' experiment with showing the 2nd half of their game Sunday in 3D leaves fans nauseated and annoyed. Pretty much the same as if they'd watched the game in 2D, actually  (nfl.fanhouse.com)	(56)
		First they tried blaming the customers. Then they hired Luke Wilson. Next they threatened to go back to charging by the Kb. Now AT&T is blaming Apple for their network troubles  (consumerist.com)	(109)
		Women more likely to fondly remember their favorite pairs of shoes than to remember their boyfriends  (dailymail.co.uk)	(147)

		Nike unconcerned with Tiger's infidelities, note that he's living up to their "Just Do It" slogan better than ever  (guardian.co.uk)	(61)
		Square Enix releases Final Fantasy XIII screenshots. JRPG nerds release in their pants  (blogs.forbes.com)	(241)
		RNC Chair Michael Steele: "The Democrats are accusing us Republicans of trying to delay and stonewall their government takeover of health care. You know what? They're finally right."  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(171)
		Dave Grohl and Kid Rock sue small town bar for playing their music without proper licensing, but who else but drunken hillbillies in a watering hole would intentionally listen to Kid Rock or Foo Fighters?  (tmz.com)	(54)
		Leonardo DiCaprio, Mel Gibson will play Vikings in an upcoming film which documents their tragic 1994 season  (contactmusic.com)	(70)
		Three Americans who accidentally crossed into Iran will be tried. And not just becase Iran learned from N. Korea that you get great political concessions for convicting Americans and then negotiating their release  (msnbc.msn.com)	(221)
		RBC Dominion Securities helps rich Canadians hide their money in Liechtenstein. Poor Canadians still using jar on the 'fridge  (theglobeandmail.com)	(7)
		Conductor tells a group of families that he is not their Polar Express train and the right train would come in ten minutes. The train never showed, so naturally "He ruined Christmas"  (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(133)
(The Frisky)		Not news: Women are embarrased by baldness. News: In their babies. Fark: So now we have baby wigs  (thefrisky.com)	(147)
		Land owners near 2010 PGA Championship site show where their balls lie as state claims eminent domain  (jsonline.com)	(25)
(Scout.com)		Kansas City Chiefs might be losing because their head coach is insane. That, and the whole thing about lacking talent and logical gameplanning  (kan.scout.com)	(47)
		Brad Paisley inadvertently revealed that his tourmate Kellie Pickler had a boob job. Well, let's be honest, those would be the only two reasons anyone would attend one of their shows  (contactmusic.com)	(49)

		Four times as many Democrats view their party unfavorably as Republicans. Oh yeah? What Right Wing rag came up with those numbers? Fox? NRO? Nope. Daily Kos  (dailykos.com)	(379)
		After being told the Cold War ended in 1991, Britain considers scrapping their ballistic missile submarines to save money  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(45)

		Kraftwerk say they'll never quit, which is great because their music would be perfect for a retirement community  (contactmusic.com)	(40)
		Only one game for today's college football discussion thread, but what a game it is. Cheer on the mighty Black Knights as they knock off Navy and go to their first bowl game since 1996. Go Army, beat Navy  (rivals.yahoo.com)	(188)
(Some Guy)		Someone, somewhere, has a $10,400 Christmas tree in their living room and the Washington Botanical Gardens would like it back  (mynorthwest.com)	(42)

		First ever Peeps store opens. "They manage to straddle the world between cute and horrible. You can look into their black beady eyes and see your childhood, or the bleakness of the soul."  (latimes.com)	(73)
		Coldplay is auctioning off a decade's worth of music memorabilia for charity. Guess they don't want to be associated with their gold and platinum records either  (contactmusic.com)	(10)
(NME)		The White Stripes will release a limited edition documentary boxed set that will retail for $179. Their fans will have to work extra hard playing acoustic sets outside of Borders in order to afford it  (nme.com)	(33)
		Apparently there's a 'Mad Max' campout every year. Here's footage from their 2009 weekend  (boingboing.net)	(21)
		"A small number of very zealous gamers trying to impose their will on society," says man who single-handedly bans games from sale in Australia due to moral objections  (gamepolitics.com)	(141)
		Friday photo fun from the TSG bunch. Match the arrestee with their occupation at the time of bust Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com)	(77)
		SC Gov. Sanford's wife goes missing from their marriage  (usatoday.com)	(115)
		"Liberalism is far more dogmatic than conservatism," says Jonah Goldberg. For instance, you'd never see conservatives demand that their politicians take a "purity test" or anything crazy like that  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(490)
		Does your private school have a different holiday schedule than the public schools? The DC Police would like you to have a seat in their van. Bonus: Not enough seatbelts  (wtopnews.com)	(137)

		No matter what you've been told, you can't make up your own promissary notes to pay back loans. "None of it really makes sense, but according to their conspiracy theory, it does."  (stltoday.com)	(143)
		Despite massive personal risks, North Koreans are starting to openly protest, criticize their government  (forbes.com)	(123)
		Study shows that bodybuilders who use steroids are ruining their kidneys in addition to making themselves look like misshapen freaks  (nytimes.com)	(77)
		Nokia is closing their flagship stores in New York and Chicago. In other news, Nokia had flagship stores  (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(17)
		Mad scientists at DARPA , flush from their successful Red Balloon experiment, now attempt zombifying pigs  (abcnews.go.com)	(46)
		Chinese couple get a mobile phone for their six-day old son. Sounds like a fair exchange  (en.rian.ru)	(49)
		Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz says that internet traffic generated by the Tiger Woods scandal is 'better than Michael Jackson dying' and will 'absolutely' help Yahoo make their numbers this quarter  (news.yahoo.com)	(34)
		Senate Republicans united in their opposition to *spins wheel* the new health care reform compromise  (huffingtonpost.com)	(392)

		AT&T responds to accusations of dropped calls and shoddy network coverage by proposing a plan to increase their infrastructure by 400% by the end of 2010. Just kidding, they're punishing customers who use the most data  (hosted.ap.org)	(120)
		Rolling Stone publishes their list of the top 100 albums of the decade, as chosen by a selection of artists and critics whose taste pales in comparison to your own  (rollingstone.com)	(210)
		The health and safety rules that Taco Bell follows to create that gooey mystery meat in their tacos is stricter than the USDA standards for school lunches  (usatoday.com)	(54)
		CBO estimates as many as 10 million Americans will lose their employer-based health insurance under Senate bill  (foxnews.com)	(176)
		Old-fashioned broadcast TV can make a mint by selling their airwaves to cell phone companies  (online.wsj.com)	(43)
		Media admits they're very, very thankful for their early present this holiday season: "God bless Tiger"  (blogs.news.sky.com)	(29)
		Ever wonder just what protocol the TSA uses to ruin your flight? ABC news provides a handy link to an easily uncensored copy of their screening guidelines and what your fake CIA credentials should look like  (abcnews.go.com)	(184)
		Two hot teachers didn't get the memo about having sex with students, are suspended from their jobs for sex... with each other. (Pics)  (nydailynews.com)	(532)
		It's the time of year when psychologists analyze fictional characters. in this installment, we discover that the Grinch suffered from depression and that some PhDs have too much time on their hands  (physorg.com)	(43)

		MTV staff receiving death threats from Italian-Americans upset over their depiction as dumb tough guys in the popular new show "Jersey Shore"  (foxnews.com)	(153)
		Proving their love of alliteration, Washington Redskins release Shaun Suisham, sign Graham Gano  (sports.espn.go.com)	(49)
		Monopoly voted "best value" game by a bunch of kids who don't know all their two-letter words, consistently waste their blanks and the S, and take too long to make a move  (telegraph.co.uk)	(397)
		US tells Pakistan to get with the bad guy killin' in their tribal regions or they'll do it for them  (nytimes.com)	(124)
		Australia bans new AvP game, possibly on the grounds that they don't need any more alien species scaring their population  (wired.co.uk)	(41)
		New Zealand police unveil their latest high-tech weapon in the fight against dangerous drivers: Licorice  (stuff.co.nz)	(32)

(Political Wire)		DNC puts its foot down, saying no state is to have their 2012 primaries before February 1. In other news, early returns from Iowa caucus should be available shortly  (politicalwire.com)	(79)
		Teens who get The Talk from their parents wait longer before having sex, since it takes time for the creeped out feeling to go away  (news.yahoo.com)	(290)
		EPA to issue an endangerment finding on Greenhouse Gases, allowing their regulation by the Federal Government under the Clean Air Act  (greeninc.blogs.nytimes.com)	(456)
(Some Guy)		Train buffs arrested after building their own locomotive out of spare parts, garden furniture and beer crates and running it on a public rail line. "It seems to be one of those mad pub ideas that actually happened," police note (pic)  (policeoracle.com)	(89)
		TCU and Boise State are allowed to have their separate, but equal, BCS bowl  (google.com)	(270)

		U.S. Air Force ends ban on recruits with tattoos on their saluting arms, admitting yeah, they'll pretty much take whatever they can get these days  (guardian.co.uk)	(374)
		Some people lift huge weights. Some people pull trains with their teeth. And then there's this guy (w/cringeworthy photo)  (metro.co.uk)	(86)
		Bandits steal $318 worth of gum from gas station. Although it blows for the victim, police say their best gumshoes are on the case and once the culprits are caught, charges will stick  (freep.com)	(38)
		40 years ago today the Rolling Stones played their infamous show at Altamont, California. From that show, a little Sympathy for the Devil  (youtube.com)	(33)
		Just weeks after hysterically warning everyone to wash their hands every 10 seconds so they don't die of swine flu, media asks, "Are we obsessed with hand sanitizer?"  (abcnews.go.com)	(45)
		Will Vince Young and the Titans end the Colts' bid for a perfect season? Will Michael Vick get booed in his return to Atlanta? Will the Dallas Cowboys begin their annual December collapse? This is your Week 13 Sunday NFL discussion thread  (espn.go.com)	(3909)
		Parents spend less time worrying about the meaning of the nativity story and more time making sure their kids look better than the other kids in the Christmas play  (reuters.com)	(35)
(Foster's Daily Democrat)		Thief forgets that most people who make their escape by bicycle 1) aren't drunk, and 2) aren't carrying a stolen christmas tree  (fosters.com)	(14)
		Two grandmaster chess players forfeit World Cup tiebreaker matches because they took too long to return from their smoke breaks  (nytimes.com)	(20)

		Conservative activists want the Republican party to deny funds to any candidate who agrees with fewer than eight of their ten conservative positions. It is being called a "purity test," and it is a mistake  (article.nationalreview.com)	(201)
(Some Guy)		It's hard to believe, but burglars are still getting caught after dropping their cell phones during break-ins, then calling the phone later to ask if they can come and get it  (independent.ie)	(12)
		25% of borrowers helped under Obama's massive foreclosure prevention plan have already fallen behind on their new mortgage payments  (washingtonpost.com)	(194)
		Trio of singing soldiers who raise money for injured comrades told they can't wear their uniforms when they sing God Save The Queen in front of the Queen because it's considered moonlighting  (thesun.co.uk)	(20)
		Michigan set to outlaw smoking in all public places, including casinos, which are one of the few viable industries left in Detroit and who say they'll lose 30 percent of their business as a result  (detnews.com)	(58)
		Not even CNN could keep Obama's approval rating above 50% in their poll any longer  (cnn.com)	(124)

(Some Guy)		For the fourteenth straight day, the three broadcast networks have failed to report on the great and growing ClimateGate scandal on their weekday morning or evening news programs  (mrc.org)	(875)
		Scientist: [Why global warming is real and hack makes no diff.] Commenters: [ZOMG NWO CRU WHARGARBL] Scientist: [Shut the fark up and let scientists do their science.]  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(173)
		Not news: Online retailer learns the hard way why they shouldn't use a tag cloud on their customer forums. Fark: It's Newegg  (consumerist.com)	(170)
		Next week Slipknot and Art Garfunkel make their debut on Rock Band. Not together of course, that would be.....unsettling  (kotaku.com)	(29)
		As Bank of America is playing footsies with solvency, Citigroup lowers their head in shame and asks to be spanked again before being put back in their cage  (bloomberg.com)	(14)
		Glacier threatens capital city of Bolivia, sparking warnings that people may one day have to walk for their lives    (news.bbc.co.uk)	(17)
		Lloyds TSB tells the British government to "go fark yourselves" and pays their employees massive bonuses. Considering the British government owns the bank, this might be a problem  (business.timesonline.co.uk)	(14)
		Christmas trees have started their counterattack  (express.co.uk)	(61)
		Bank of America gives $45 billion to taxpayers after screwing their shareholders. Ouch  (money.cnn.com)	(58)

		Scientists discover that women show their attraction by opening their legs. Still no cure for cancer, farkers, and your mom  (telegraph.co.uk)	(49)
		Arcade Fire to release their third album in 2010, central themes will focus on Canadian snowstorms, staying indoors and how to start your car in freezing weather  (guardian.co.uk)	(72)
		The Kinks get their own biopic directed by Julien Temple, will end up being a two-hour long fistfight between Ray and Dave Davies  (cinematical.com)	(40)
		Southerners have a higher risk of stroke, especially with their sister    (upi.com)	(286)
(Jezebel)		Pink ribbons and the politics of empty messages: "Women should save their anger for what really matters - that we still don't know how to heal our breasts, and that the government is trying to control our wombs"  (jezebel.com)	(207)

		Police can't decide if death of Iranian whistleblower was murder or suicide. Because lots of folks like a whole bottle of blood pressure medication on their salad  (breitbart.com)	(50)
(Political Wire)		Proving just as willing to blame others as their heterosexual counterparts, Log cabin Republicans blame Democrats for failure of marrige equaility bill that had zero Republican support  (politicalwire.com)	(89)
		Just like a call on their network, AT&T's suit against Verizon terminates unexpectedly    (reuters.com)	(52)
		Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe(R-ME)², realizing that their constituents are in favor of health care reform, decide to try to work with Democrats in the Senate to get to 60 votes since Joe Lieberman(I-CT) and Ben Nelson(D-NE) won't  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(188)
(Some Guy)		Inmate hijacks prison van, handcuffs officers, escapes with one of their uniforms and four guns. Fark: While in a wheelchair  (officer.com)	(42)
		Great Britain designs their own version of beer goggles  (lep.co.uk)	(10)
		Fark: Lord Lawson's anti-AGW institute gets graph wrong. Farkier: Their graph based on questioned CRU data. Farkiest: Climate scientist calls for an investigation. We have tit for tat, but all you'll remember is the tit  (telegraph.co.uk)	(167)

		"We started our research seeking men in their twenties who had never consumed pornography. We couldn't find any."  (physorg.com)	(94)
(Some Guy)		Former top Hollywood stars recreate their famous characters for photoshoot. "The Magnum" is there  (atticus-flinch.livejournal.com)	(140)
		Seventy-one percent of voters are angry about the federal government. Conservatives are mad that it's too big and spends too much, liberals that the flying unicorn hasn't delivered their free ice cream yet  (rasmussenreports.com)	(177)
		South Africa announces new policy of treating all HIV-positive babies. As opposed to their previous policy of what, tossing them to the hyenas?  (breitbart.com)	(51)
		Italian police turn their £150,000 Lamborghini Gallardo into a jump ramp for mini cars. (pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(84)

		University of Arizona professor James Rogers advises 15 million Americans to walk away from their home mortgages. Let's see how this works out  (moneywatch.bnet.com)	(137)
(Some Guy)		Today's "1983 called, they want their awesome concert back" brought to you by news that Simple Minds and Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark have joined forces for an eight concert tour of England  (themusicfix.co.uk)	(34)
		Two Illinois cities have been planning for a pandemic like swine flu for years, and their efficiency is so great that they're offering drive-through H1N1 vaccines  (chicagotribune.com)	(58)
		Iran announces that it sees "little benefit" in belonging to the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. "So Israel doesn't bomb us into the stone age" curiously absent from their reasoning  (washingtonpost.com)	(193)
(Some Sexist Store)		Store apologizes for suggesting that men should make their wives "feel special this Christmas" by buying them a rotary clothesline  (digitalspy.com)	(254)
		Japanese consumers discover frugality as their economy tanks, are now buying only new panties out of machines rather than the more expensive soiled ones  (abcnews.go.com)	(27)
		British Royal Society puts 60 of the most important research papers ever written online to remind people there was a time when scientists didn't just make stuff up and throw out their raw data  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(127)
		The 40,000 British parents who home-school their children may be required to undergo a criminal background check to qualify them to teach their children  (dailymail.co.uk)	(214)

		Scientists admit that they dump...that the dog ate much of the raw temperature data on which their predictions of global warming are based  (timesonline.co.uk)	(382)
		People are tired of bailouts, big spending, unchecked corruption, and being told their values are politically incorrect. "Even with the best of intentions, government almost always does more harm than good."  (realclearpolitics.com)	(340)
		Dave Grohl: "Fark Twitter. That's the biggest waste of time. If people got their head out of their ass, they might farking get out and accomplish something." Um... that's more than 140 characters, Dave  (contactmusic.com)	(46)
		Beer drinkers increasingly starting their own breweries to make sure they always have enough to drink  (omaha.com)	(31)
		If you are wanting to interview the White House Party Crashers then you must be willing to make a substantial donation to their defense fund  (hosted.ap.org)	(72)

(CW11)		XOXO places female living mannequins wearing lingerie in their windows geared toward and you clicked without even hearing what city this is in  (wpix.com)	(149)
		Vancouver (Nanny State Jr.) considers altering law to order all residents to clear their own sidewalks in case of snow, or else face fine  (cbc.ca)	(177)
		Every year parents struggle with which toys to buy their kids for Christmas. Well, here's fifteen you definitely shouldn't... unless you're like subby  (huffingtonpost.com)	(161)
(Some Do-righter)		Rocky and Bullwinkle turn 50, celebrate by pulling a rabbit out their hat. Again  (perpetualpost.com)	(58)
		They took away radio traffic reporters' airplanes, and now they're taking away their radio too  (google.com)	(73)
		"Nude model Kathleen Neill gets off after getting naked in Met". In related news, CBS has a new opening for a headline writer in their web division  (cbsnews.com)	(77)
		Britain makes case that 2018 soccer World Cup should be held in the U.K., pointing out that it may be the only time in their lives that British soccer fans get to see what the trophy looks like    (guardian.co.uk)	(15)
		Thievery, caged garden gnomes and people wearing watermelons on their heads - all signs that in Canada, this is Grey Cup weekend  (nationalpost.com)	(14)
(Some Guy)		Couple can't afford big wedding, gets married in line at Best Buy on Black Friday, before buying all four of their kids computers, cell phones and game systems  (wfie.com)	(65)

		Radiohead and Elbow are auctioning off some of their musical memorabilia to raise money for landmine victims  (contactmusic.com)	(29)
		Not news: Man falls for exotic beauty while on vacation. News: She confesses she's a dude on their first date. Fark: He marries her anyway. TotalFark: You'd hit it. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk)	(416)
(Some Guy)		Developed nations come up with a plan to improve their climate change performance - throw Canada out of the club so its "appalling" environmental record isn't lumped in with theirs  (theecologist.org)	(119)
		A roundup of cute little animals stuffing their fat little faces on Thanksgiving, just like Americans did  (huffingtonpost.com)	(53)
		Good Charlotte apologize for making emo music that got their fans beat up: "I guess if you're gonna dress like you listen to The Cure all the time, you're gonna get s... for it"  (news.com.au)	(36)
		Today's Friday Photo Fun from our pals at TSG is a tough one. What rock band once required a certain "themed" magazine in their concert rider? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com)	(136)
		New Obama policy costs hundreds of Washington lobbyists their jobs  (washingtonpost.com)	(220)
		Ugly-ass baby meerkats cuddle up with a plush meerkat doll after losing their mother. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk)	(28)
		Green Bay has Cheeseheads that use foam immitations on their heads... The Grey Cup bound Saskatchewan Roughriders have forced all Watermelons in Western Canada to be diverted to Calgary this weekend  (cbc.ca)	(39)

		Apparently unaware of Brady, Elway, and Plunkett and their 7 Super-Bowl rings, Jim Kelly wants the Bills to draft a QB who "doesn't come from California"  (usatoday.com)	(48)
		Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig auction their sweaty vests for charity, proving once again that philanthropy is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration  (nowmagazine.co.uk)	(8)
(Some Bluenoser)		Move over UK, there's a new Nanny State. Couple in their 70s hauled in on child abduction suspicion for waving at small boy  (ngnews.ca)	(115)
(NBC Sports)		Oakland Raiders will play their first Thanksgiving game in 39 years. With the current roster, football fans wonder why they'll be ending that streak today  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(22)
(Dawn)		How a prank caller drove two nuclear-armed nations to the brink of war, made them check to see if their refrigerators were running  (dawn.com)	(30)
		English soccer fans "furious" at record high prices organizers charge them to watch their team suck at 2010 World Cup  (dailystar.co.uk)	(26)

		Scientists have now created a baby bottle that heats itself up in 60 seconds. A perfect gift for parents who can't be troubled to spend that kind of time on their children  (dailymail.co.uk)	(148)
		India fires nuclear-capable missile as part of a deterrent strategy against China and Pakistan. So much for trying to curry their favor  (upi.com)	(53)
(Some Guy)		All those 'off the cuff' remarks that you should ignore in the ClimateGate emails found their way into "off the cuff" computer code. FORTRAN (shudder) code labled 'fudge factor'  (bishophill.squarespace.com)	(375)
		Studies show that men who stifle their anger at work are more than twice as likely to die of a heart attack; those that don't are more than twice as likely to die of malnutrition and exposure from living in a cardboard box    (news.yahoo.com)	(297)
		Polite headline: "Michigan, Notre Dame must re-evaluate their places in football." Translation: "They need to get over themselves already because everybody else has"  (usatoday.com)	(87)
		The economy is so bad that billionaires are now building their yachts out of crap they picked out of the ocean  (theregister.co.uk)	(7)
		Afghanistan set to launch their own James Bond series, hopefully to be as successful as Turkish Star Wars  (news.yahoo.com)	(18)
		Royal Caribbean unveils first child tracking system that lets parents avoid...errr, I mean, track their children  (usatoday.com)	(16)
(Some Guy)		Irish turn their annual Christmas lighting ceremony into a drunken riot. Once again  (belfasttelegraph.co.uk)	(86)
		Smug, swaggering, mean middle-aged men such as Simon Cowell, Jeremy Clarkson, and Gordon Ramsay are fast becoming Britain's top cultural export to the world, thanks to their authenticity  (independent.co.uk)	(30)

		The cutest video of a kid scoring on their own team that you'll see all week  (youtube.com)	(40)
		Someone finally calls Sprint's bluff on their 'America's Most Dependable Network' BS  (google.com)	(40)
		At her signing Monday night, Rihanna kept hundreds of fans waiting for hours out in the cold rain under their umbrella-ella-ellas  (abc2news.com)	(31)
		Buffalo Bills contact Bill Cowher to see how interested he would be in becoming their head coach. The answer is "not very"  (content.usatoday.com)	(56)
		Xcel Energy abandons their plans to burn your money and laugh at you from a beach in Europe  (thedenverchannel.com)	(8)
		About a quarter of homeowners owe more on their mortgage than their home is worth, especially in Florida and the "Dumbass Triangle" of California, Nevada and Arizona  (online.wsj.com)	(103)
		Beachfront property owners band together to protest the State adding sand to their beaches. Which are vanishing because of erosion. Good thinking, guys  (washingtonpost.com)	(177)
		The Minnesota Timberwolves won their first game of the season. Thirteen games later, that is still their only win  (sports.yahoo.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)		Campaign season for next Philippine presidential election gets underway, with "Samia Chicken" and "Ultimate Messiah" declaring their candidacies  (thehimalayantimes.com)	(43)
		The more germs a child is exposed to during early childhood, the better their immune system in later life. "These germs are actually good for us"  (guardian.co.uk)	(181)
		Producers Guild of America bestows their highest award on Joss Whedon...for his work outside of television  (io9.com)	(22)

		Recent immigrants to Canada more likely to be male, younger, better educated, work for smaller companies and undercut wages by $2.28 per hour compared to their Canadian-born counterparts, which explains why they're stealing all the jobs  (cbc.ca)	(131)
(Some Guy)		School board won't allow students to wear anti-Islam t-shirts. ACLU vows legal jihad on their behalf  (wptv.com)	(168)
		After blowing out Tampa Bay to bring their record to 10-0, New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees says "we haven't peaked yet"  (usatoday.com)	(96)
		Glastonbury Festival, which has managed to keep U2 out for over 30 years, will see their streak end next year  (contactmusic.com)	(38)
		Chinese democracy leaders appeal to Obama. They get down on their sha na na na na na na na knees, knees    (breitbart.com)	(53)
(Some Guy)		Broncos coach Josh McDaniels tells Chargers "We own you guys" before their game. That clearly worked out well for him  (faniq.com)	(46)
		Workplace drug screening is more accurate if hair, not urine, is tested. Subby suddenly realizes why his co-workers shave their heads  (indystar.com)	(75)
		Couple leaves their brand new dryer on the sidewalk, right next to their old dryer, get upset when the city hauls both units to the dump  (dailymail.com)	(84)

(Marietta Daily Journal)		Georgia's Supreme Court made it legal for 16-year-olds to fark their teachers last year, but wouldn't you know it, some party-poopers are trying to change that. Why won't they think of the children?  (mdjonline.com)	(60)
		Ahmadinejad in Tehran has a plot / But the US and Israelis think not / So they'll ready their planes / Cos they think he's insane / And build the world's biggest glass parking lot  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(168)
		So you think you have First Amendment rights on Federal property? And the jurors should know their rights too? Ha, Ha, you're so funny, here's some handcuffs and a shot of Thorazine for your overnight stay in the loony bin  (examiner.com)	(233)
		Brits up in arms over proposal to have their national health system provide counseling to couples whose marriages are on the rocks. Not like there's any link between relationship stability and health, after all  (mailonsunday.co.uk)	(50)
		Nurturing, caring and not-at-all helicoptery Manhattan parents hire tutors to get their kids ahead on the big entrance exam...for kindergarten  (nytimes.com)	(120)

		Spoiled Californian rich kids demand that their bankrupt state subsidize their education by taking more money from poor people  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(208)
(Some Guy)		University bars 30+ students from graduating due to their obesity. This headline would have been funnier, but I'm busy trying to explain to my parents why I won't be getting my degree in Communications  (thedailybeast.com)	(153)
		Can Chelsea keep up their torrid pace? Can Gerrard's return save Liverpool's season? Will trainers start dragging placentas out on the pitch for injuries? All this and more in this week's EPL thread  (dailymail.co.uk)	(38)
(Some Guy)		There isn't a facepalm big enough: couple claims Michael Jackson is appearing in their child's ultrasound. "It is my seventh child, and seven is a mythical number."  (shieldsgazette.com)	(86)

(K-State Collegian)		"The Cornhuskers are similar to the Wildcats in that they do not pass often." But enough about their grades, how's their throwing game?    (kstatecollegian.com)	(19)
		As pretty much the entire tech industry does a collective facepalm over AT&T's Verizon rebuttal ad, AT&T continues insisting that their smartphones are "the most popular"  (pcworld.com)	(76)
		If the billions in Goldman Sachs bonuses bothered you, just imagine how their shareholders feel  (online.wsj.com)	(29)
		Apple tells smokers who have sent their machines in for repair that their warranty is voided, because it doesn't cover damage caused by second-hand smoke. WHERE IS YOUR OS X NOW?  (consumerist.com)	(671)
		Thierry Henry says the "fairest solution" is to replay the France-Ireland World Cup playoff after he set up the deciding goal with a hand ball. While we're on the subject, the 1986 England team would like their redo as well  (google.com)	(209)
		Kansas football coach Mark Mangino tries to save his job by saying his verbal abuse of his players is just doing the work that their parents "should have done before they got to me"  (kansascity.com)	(34)
		AAA releases their much anticipated report concluding that many people will be driving during the Thanksgiving holiday  (washingtonpost.com)	(53)
		Maple Leafs blow 3 goal lead against powerhouse Carolina Hurricanes, regain their rightful place as the worst team in the league  (scores.espn.go.com)	(44)
		NYC announces their 2009 Gridlock alert days -- from my Blackberry stuck in this #$@& traffic on 5th Ave  (nj.com)	(16)
		Residents of Cockermouth are rescued from their homes by dinghys on Friday after heavy rain caused flooding in Cumbria  (cbc.ca)	(60)
		Rep Louie Gohmert (P-yle) warns that terrorists will strike NYC if the terror trials are held there. Then, just in case the terrorists are having trouble coming up with ideas on their own; helpfully provides them with a list of targets  (politico.com)	(89)

		In order to better serve their customers in this difficult economy, Starbucks is raising prices on its overbrewed lattes and cappucinos  (leisureblogs.chicagotribune.com)	(68)
		Twilight co-stars Dakota Fanning (inappropriate giggity) and Kristen Stewart (giggity) make out in their next movie (giggity) in which they play Joan Jett and Cherie Curie (giggity giggity goo)  (okmagazine.com)	(96)
(macon.com)		Trial near for woman accused of dismembering husband now that prosecutors have the put pieces of their case together  (macon.com)	(39)
		Imaginary Apple tablet gets imaginary new display and an imaginary delay to its imaginary launch date, much to the dismay of Apple users and their imaginary girlfriends  (wired.com)	(41)
		Posting a naughty word on the internet can cost you your job these days. Farkers back away from their computers, slowly  (stltoday.com)	(264)
		Finally, a show that knows how to do a guest star. Not only is Modern Family the best new comedy on TV, they actually got Edward Norton to be on their show last night  (nj.com)	(41)
		Senators draw their states for National Geographic and label important places. Georgia's senators are boring, Dick Dubin reminds us that Superman is from Illinois, and Al Franken is a suck-up  (ngm.nationalgeographic.com)	(91)
		The TSA would like to provide you with their annual reminder that Thanksgiving leftovers are not allowed in carry-on luggage  (wtop.com)	(98)
		Jets' head coach Rex Ryan unashamed about crying during team meeting, says their playoff chances are still real to him, dammit  (sports.espn.go.com)	(12)

		Despite their overpriced, high-end MP3 players and earphones, self-proclaimed audiophiles aren't any better than anyone else at differentiating between lossy and lossless audio files. Except for this one guy who never goes to rock concerts  (pajamasmedia.com)	(49)
		President Obama says Guantánamo won't close by January, meaning hundreds of detainees will not be opening Christmas presents with their families again this year  (nytimes.com)	(120)
(Some Guy)		In a strong bid for their own tag, Kentucky man arrested while masturbating in the library - watching a wrestling video  (wcpo.com)	(117)
		Canadian couple gets so tired of their children's excessive homework that they actually do something about it  (guardian.co.uk)	(427)
(Some Guy)		CWA president upset that American T-Mobile employees, who are already happy with their workplace, aren't interested in "organizing", plans to bring in German muscle to "re-educate" them  (wfaa.com)	(43)
(AT&T)		It's like watching a flamewar, only with multi-billion-dollar conglomerates: AT&T responds to Verizon Wireless, claims their lawsuit is valid because their smartphones are "more popular"  (att.com)	(120)
(Some Guy)		Family sues kite fighters for nearly decapitating their son. In other news, there are kite fighters  (avvo.com)	(141)
		City workers' union may file a greivance against an Eagle Scout for cleaning a walking trail, taking their jobs  (mcall.com)	(209)