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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Ever wonder what dinosaur comedians heard when nobody understood their jokes?  (boingboing.net)	(7)
		Giants fans were holding more then their breath until after Tom Brady threw that Hail Mary toss according to the Department of Environmental Protection  (nypost.com)	(26)
		Over 40 percent of women carry sexy panties in their purse in case a date with somebody other than you goes better than expected  (dailymail.co.uk)	(330)
		Remember that guy who wants to adopt his 42-year-old girlfriend? His kids have asked a judge to block the adoption because they don't want to have a mom-sister, like so many of their friends in the Panhandle do  (foxnews.com)	(61)
		Scientists find brains of spiders are so large they fill their body cavities and overflow into their legs, meaning Clock Spider is probably plotting to take over the world  (sciencedaily.com)	(28)
		Insiders are selling their stock at almost Gaussian proportions. This is clearly a sign that the end times are near and you should convert your 401(k) to canned goods and ammo  (marketwatch.com)	(10)

		The devastating effects of contraception are on display today, as the teen birth rate and abortion rate have both dropped to their lowest levels in nearly 40 years  (msnbc.msn.com)	(243)
		Indonesian train officials have an innovative new way of keeping 'rail surfers' off the roofs of their trains: swat them with brooms drenched in putrid smelly goop  (telegraph.co.uk)	(174)
		Virgin's profit up 30%, and it isn't even their first time  (marketwatch.com)	(10)
		Wolfman family in India seeks help for their rare genetic affliction, hopes to enlist the aid of Tom Cruise, who has decades of experience dealing with beards  (dailymail.co.uk)	(82)
(Some Guy)		Sprint gained, that's right, Sprint gained a net 1.6 million customers last quarter, the best result in 6 years, giving them their highest subscriber base ever. And Sprint lost 1.3 billion dollars last quarter  (techcrunch.com)	(36)
		Everyone's lovable sex loving ape turns out to be a paedomorph, and guess what? Scientists theorize it was because of their women  (wired.com)	(26)

		Heroes: How elite special forces armed to their teeth busted into Kim Dotcom's family mansion to capture two kids, one baby, two Filipino nannies, a woman and one clumsy meganerd  (gizmodo.com)	(52)
		So just how important are illegal immigrants to a state's economy? So important that even the Alabama hillbillies who voted for their tough anti-immigration laws are starting to second-guess themselves  (npr.org)	(200)
		Soldiers of the future might have their minds plugged directly into weapons systems, hopefully including phased plasma rifles in the 40 watt range  (guardian.co.uk)	(71)

		Gizmodo gives props to Fark for directing their attention to an uplifting story about an elevator rescue gone horribly wrong  (gizmodo.com)	(1)
		While everyone is paying attention to Iran having one of our drones, North Korea actually has several of them in its possession and is reverse-engineering them to make their own drone assault fleet  (foxnews.com)	(94)
		Sixteen super PAC-men and their positions on the Forbes 400  (cbsnews.com)	(53)
		Mushroom-picking family lost for six days in forest describes their balls-tripping ordeal  (news.com.au)	(101)
(Brown from the Sun)		Photoshop these two men and their Munsters  (s3.amazonaws.com)	(33)

		Public school lunchlady demands the deep fryers in the cafeteria be removed so she can force students to eat healthy instead of trusting them to make their own choices  (qctimes.com)	(123)
		CAN the Giants shock the world again? WILL the Patriots avenge their defeat from four years ago? HOW MANY FARKers will succumb to alcohol poisoning this year? THIS is YOUR Super Bowl XLVI Discussion Thread. (Kickoff @ 6:30 EST on NBC)  (scores.espn.go.com)	(lots)
		From the "Who didn't see this coming?" files: Insurance companies and lawyers screw 9/11 families out of large portions of their entitlements  (foxnews.com)	(124)
		The new GOP talking point on the improving economy: "It's because of what Republican governors are doing in their states." So, economy up -- GOP governors. Economy down -- President's fault. Got it?  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(142)
		How cold is it in Europe? Water is freezing and Russians are putting on their underwear (pics)  (boston.com)	(94)

		Rise of bestiality brothels spurs calls for German legislators to get their act in Gere and ban zoophilia  (thelocal.de)	(257)
		Mitt Romney: We are the only people who put their hand over our hearts during the national anthem. In other news, Chinese, South Africans, Brazilians, Ghanaians, Cubans, Mexicans, and Peruvians aren't people  (buzzfeed.com)	(159)
(hampton roads)		Hampton Roads (Virginia) thinks that their recent odd news deserves a dedicated FARK icon, just like Florida (10th paragraph)  (hamptonroads.com)	(5)

		Some Carson City prostitutes are donating their tips to Ron Paul. Just the tips?  (bloomberg.com)	(33)
		The Decemberists have withdrawn their support of the Susan G. Komen foundation, Nicholas I  (rollingstone.com)	(75)

		Susan G. Komen foundation says the whole Planned Parenthood thing is a just a silly misunderstanding and to please not stop sending them money and don't boycott their sponsors  (content.usatoday.com)	(202)
(DCist)		Three Occupy DC protestors are on the fourth day of a "sleep strike" to protest the Park Police's ban on camping in McPherson Square and the bugs BURROWING UNDER THEIR SKIN  (dcist.com)	(165)
		With Leather gives points to Fark for drawing their attention to a story about "Glee" and the NFL  (withleather.uproxx.com)	(1)
(Sum Gai)		Chinese restaurant catches fire. Fortunately there were no injuries, as everyone had prepared for such an event by running around their cars at red lights  (woodtv.com)	(32)
		In order to file their IPO, Facebook had to give up their privacy  (finance.yahoo.com)	(8)
		GOP says laying pipe is central to their agenda. America: Yeah, but to who?  (nytimes.com)	(54)
(Some Fake Agent)		Apparently, the idea of pretending to be a federal agent and pulling people with Ontario plates who visit strip clubs so you can check their car for bombs hasn't gotten old in Hudson  (newportrichey.wtsp.com)	(37)

		Intent on losing all 10 of its customers, Spirit Airlines unveils a new $2 fee to protest a new rule allowing passengers to change their flight without penalty  (cnn.com)	(97)
		Eighteen percent of Americans would give up sex for six months in exchange for someone else paying their bills for just one month  (dailymail.co.uk)	(144)
		14-year old girl testifying before MD lawmakers tells them that they should vote to deny people their basic civil rights because it would be "my best birthday present ever"  (rawstory.com)	(257)
		Twelve reasons why NBC is a last place network. Come for their shiatty treatment of "Community," stay for their adoration of Dane Cook and Whitney Cummings  (warmingglow.uproxx.com)	(135)
		Couple who used a Facebook poll to decide the name of their child gives birth to a girl. So welcome to Penisface Bieber Meske  (suntimes.com)	(98)
		Hasbro negotiating to move their Candy Land movie starring Adam Sandler from Universal to Sony. I don't think there's a single part of the previous statement that doesn't fill me with rage  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(52)
		Women reveal their "morning face" and OMG KILL THEM WITH FIRE (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(309)

		After hearing some sports cars are being driven dangerously police revoke the license of the next guy they find driving a sports car. Judge finds a flaw in their cunning plan  (ctvbc.ctv.ca)	(98)
		Stocks post their best January since '97. So it must be the Bush recovery. Or the anticipation of a Romney presidency. Or the Jet Stream. Or a celestial convergence. What else could it be?  (thedailybeast.com)	(88)
		Lazy New Jerseyans don't like pumping their own gas or using parking meters where you have to walk back to your car to put the receipt in the windshield  (nj.com)	(114)
		DP World sees 10% increase in business, has never looked up their name on Urban Dictionary  (finance.yahoo.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		Man beats ex unconscious, sticks around to discuss repairing their relationship  (thecabin.net)	(99)
		Study finds women are better at parking than men, but only because other cars on the street flee in terror at their approach  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)	(31)
		Top Obama campaign official David Axelrod tweets picture of the President with his dog in the presidential limousine in a jab at Romney: "How loving owners transport their dogs"  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(115)
		Don't let their oppressive shyness, lack of collaboration skills, unwillingness to speak up, and self-imposed isolation fool you -- introverts can be a real benefit to the workplace  (npr.org)	(291)

(Mr CommDot)		If this guy is right, the MPAA/RIAA are totally screwed because everyone can have their own private Internet  (kurzweilai.net)	(56)
		Freddie Mac, a company owned by taxpayers that's supposed to make it easier and more affordable to get a home, has bet billions of dollars that homeowners will not be able to refinance their homes  (npr.org)	(89)
		New Gingrich ad suggests that America is headed down the same path as Cuba with their government-run inexpensive health care for all citizens. ¡Viva la Revolución  (washingtonpost.com)	(129)
(SlashGear)		It's yet another article about a Facebook "upgrade" that has people "considering" deleting their profiles. It's like tech writers aren't even trying anymore. Time to feed the dogs, Mr. Pavlov  (slashgear.com)	(65)
		If you break into the CNN newsroom, it's probably best not to use their computers to check your Facebook status  (upi.com)	(38)
		Brooklyn residents will soon start heating their houses with their own poo  (guardian.co.uk)	(14)

		Dolphins reported to talk in their sleep...in Whale, not Dolphinese  (abcnews.go.com)	(44)
(Some Guy)		Newt Gingrich thinks college students should get part-time jobs to pay for their tuition. As opposed to when he was in college and begged his family for money instead of looking for a job. "I want all my time for my studies"  (syracuse.com)	(347)
		This just in: retailers will pay people to write positive reviews of their products  (consumerist.com)	(35)
		Tuition paying parents of Rutgers students now thrilled to hear that their kids can earn three credits taking Beyonce 101  (starpulse.com)	(52)
		CNN Asks "Who should be allowed to teach Yoga?" If their answer is anything other than "hot, flexible broads in tight pants", they're wrong  (cnn.com)	(170)
		British band The Heavy order Newt Gingrich to stop using their song How Do You Like Me Now. "We'd like you to know it had f*ck all to do with us and we are trying to stop it being used"  (rollingstone.com)	(71)

		Seattle woman attempts to marry 107 year old building. Says despite their differences, the marriage will have a solid foundation  (komonews.com)	(94)
(UFC)		UFC on Fox 2 prelims start at 5 EST on FuelTV & the main card starts at 8 EST. What are the odds that the Sonnen/Bisping fight will end in a double KO? How 'bout paying Big John to ref the fight and have him kick both their asses?  (ufc.ca)	(347)
(WINK)		Legislature considering bill to allow parents to fire teachers if they don't give their little snowflakes an A  (winknews.com)	(84)
		Huffington Post once again tests their readers' off-beat IQ, with a link to the Fark Weird News Quiz (the easy one)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(10)
		Jesse Jackson may boycott the Grammy Awards, presumably for their continued failure to nominate his dramatic reading of Green Eggs and Ham  (huffingtonpost.com)	(48)

		7-year-old's heart-melting fan letter to the 49ers Kyle Williams proves he is more grown up than 99% of their fans  (sports.yahoo.com)	(29)
		Users of popular remote control software warned to stop using it because it might allow people to remotely control their computer  (bbc.co.uk)	(14)
		Starbucks sales/profits now stronger than their coffee  (marketwatch.com)	(17)
		Vikings to put more thought into formulating draft strategy with No. 3 overall pick than their offensive strategy  (fannation.com)	(19)
		Now there's something you don't see every day: porn stars with their clothes on. Go ahead and look, we won't judge you. (slideshow)  (nydailynews.com)	(112)
		Despite what Americans say about wanting more civility from their politicians, they generally only reward rude behavior. My goodness, Americans liking rude behavior. That's just crazy talk  (npr.org)	(43)
		Iran says they are alone in this world and thus, must preemptively strike their enemies. Just kidding, it was Israel that said it  (nytimes.com)	(92)
		Hey YEAH, how come rich jerks pay less taxes on their earnings than the guy working at McDonald's? Seems kind of... anti-American  (finance.yahoo.com)	(64)
		Twitter believes in limitless free expression and stands by those who risk their lives to fight oppression, and it wants you to remember that while it deletes any of their Tweets that might offend thin-skinned regimes, dictators, or despots  (cnn.com)	(27)
		Ohio Republican goes rogue on new restrictive voting law: "It's likely to be misused by people for their own political ends to confuse voters about what the rules are for the election"  (toledoblade.com)	(33)

		Newt Gingrich slams San Francisco for its "strange fantasies". San Francisco to use this in their next ad campaign  (huffingtonpost.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)		Indiana gets jealous of all the attention Kentucky is getting, so their senate approves creationism being taught in science class  (ibj.com)	(411)
(wptv.com)		Some postal carriers just can't hold their liquor  (wptv.com)	(25)
		Scientists at UT Austin have perfected a working "cloaking device" in their lab. Critics say this is yet another example of Obama's lawlessness as this is a blatant violation of the Treaty of Algeron  (smh.com.au)	(38)
		Tensions rise between England and Argentina over territorial disputes of the Falkland Islands. England remains firm on their control of the islands for strategic sheep purposes  (cnn.com)	(152)
		Tired of seeing people wearing their PJ's to the store? If one man had his way, we'd be wearing them all day, everyday, everywhere. Subby just hopes his button-back flannel onesies don't come loose on the subway  (slate.com)	(73)
		Restaurants that treat their workers better get more business, especially after customers notice that the saliva flavor is no longer present in their meals  (latimes.com)	(12)
(The Blaze)		Only on the Blaze would a story about Boy Scouts of America endorsing a "No Name-Calling Week" generate such controversy, as it would presumably strip conservatives of all of their talking points  (theblaze.com)	(80)
		Fashion designers have their annual runaway fashiongasm, and the results are...well...um...people actually pay money for this crap? (w/pics of hot women in ugly clothes)  (thedailybeast.com)	(26)
		Man challenges 40 friends to spend at least $20 at a local hardware store that has been around since 1857. Things just snowballed from there and the store had their best day in years. This is the way to take back America  (finance.yahoo.com)	(82)
		The Russians can see the euro zone crisis from their backyards  (blogs.marketwatch.com)	(1)

		The Colts hire the Ravens' defensive coordinator to prevent scoring at home; funny, their offense seems to be doing that just fine  (espn.go.com)	(40)
		"Those (corporations) who donate funds also control the politicians, and the politicians (become) more accountable to their sponsors than to their constituents." Wait until you see what country they're talking about  (cnn.com)	(43)
		Florida retirees confused by how to fix Social Security, along with the Google, rock music, and their VCRs  (boston.com)	(72)
		Anti-gun group believes that their one-day Starbucks boycott will "reduce Starbucks stock price by an amount no rational company would allow"  (sacbee.com)	(102)
		And now, a handy guide as to how residents and guests of the cities hosting the 2012 conventions will have their freedoms permanently trampled upon. But before you can view this, I'm going to need you to remove your shoes, citizen   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(13)
(Some Guy)		Independent developers called out Zynga for shameless ripping off their ios game, with hilarious congratulation message  (techcrunch.com)	(55)
(Wired)		Hey, I know, why not make it so that our customer's cellphone number is added into the request headers every time they browse a website on their phone?  (wired.co.uk)	(7)
		Oh yeah this seems fair: The teams playing in the Superbowl get to split 35% of the available seats at the Stadium to offer to their season ticket holders and players-and that's after the league takes 12,000 seats off the top  (news.yahoo.com)	(63)

(Houston Press)		Experts say to expect more arrests of people shoving steak down their pants as meat prices skyrocket this year  (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(123)
		Instead of being ecstatic that their team made the Super Bowl, working class New Yorkers are whining about how expensive the tickets are, while the 1-percenters are whining about the lack of 5-star hotels in Indianapolis  (nypost.com)	(176)
(Dacula Patch)		Everything was fine until their 9 o'clock shot, witnesses said. Then he called his brother's girlfriend a whore and the fight was on  (dacula.patch.com)	(37)

		As it turns out, the Konami Code was invented because devs couldn't beat their own games  (iheartchaos.com)	(91)
		"Polish government websites under apparent attack" Even after they upgraded their firescreen  (businessweek.com)	(7)
		In a stunning display of rational discourse, Arkansas conservatives hold a productive town hall meeting with a local Democratic campaign manager about their concerns. Just kidding; they kill his cat and scrawl LIBERAL on it (warning: graphic)  (thinkprogress.org)	(497)
		MPAA is hiring after old employees failed to fulfill their obligations  (theregister.co.uk)	(327)
		The media doesn't know the difference between venture capitalism and private equity, and their confusion is benefiting Mitt Romney  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(45)
		Members of 2 Live Crew to quit their Taco Bell jobs and reunite for summer tour  (rollingstone.com)	(66)

		Is cockfighting part of a proud tradition, or is it barbarism? And why should anyone really care about what gay men do in the privacy of their own homes?  (salon.com)	(180)
		Baby Boomers, who refused to save for retirement, ran up the national debt and bankrupted Social Security, have told their kids "The only 'inheritance' you'll get is the bill for all the debt we've run up"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(323)
		Body count for Costa Concordia skewed due to unregistered stowaways. Attractive young women to be interrogated about any rakish good-looking ne'er-do-wells they might have met on their trip  (bloomberg.com)	(128)
(Urban Christian News)		The Urban Christian News gets a little too urban in their coverage of Notre Dame's win over Syracuse (see cover photo)  (urbanchristiannews.com)	(20)
		Joe Paterno dies in hospital, doctors promise to tell their superiors first thing tomorrow  (theonion.com)	(55)
		Can the Patriots defeat the Ravens to win their first AFC championship in 4 years? Will the 49ers beat the Giants and cap off an amazing comeback season? It's the NFL Conference Championships thread, games at 3 PM on CBS, 6:30 PM on Fox  (scores.espn.go.com)	(5698)

		Costa Cruises makes generous settlement offer to Concordia survivors: 30% off their next cruise  (telegraph.co.uk)	(107)
(Some Wacky Guy)		The Evangelical community hired someone with vast experience building Geocities websites to develop their attack on Mitt Romney and his wacky religion. This is going to be a fun 10 months  (beyondmormonism.com)	(84)
		Russia wants to build a manned base on the moon. Finally they'll be able to claim some of their women weigh under 200 pounds  (msnbc.msn.com)	(43)
		I heard you like photography, so I put a famous photographer in your photograph with their famous photograph so you can click while you slideshow  (wired.com)	(10)
		Huffington Post gives its readers a chance to test their awareness of offbeat news with a link to the Fark Weird News Quiz  (huffingtonpost.com)	(1)

		Obama signs off on forcing health insurers to almost universally cover contraceptives in their plans. Insurance carriers to announce premium hikes to cover the high cost of women getting not pregnant  (thinkprogress.org)	(398)
(doubtful news)		Doubtful News once again tips their hat to FARK, this time for the colorful story of a farmer and a spray painted hawk  (doubtfulnews.com)	(0)
		In this age of discontent, do billionaires really need to meet at an exotic location to sip on the blood of innocents and tell stories about their wild orgies and coke sessions? Of course they do  (cnbc.com)	(23)
		Surpassing Vladimir Putin as the greatest judo master in politics, Obama asks House Republicans to keep their word and enact the $1.2 trillion in across-the-board spending cuts they promised in April  (news.yahoo.com)	(173)
		Economists surprised that Americans are raiding their .010% interest bearing savings accounts  (reuters.com)	(14)
		Goldman Sachs employees literally in tears upon learning that their reduced bonuses will not buy a small enough violin  (nymag.com)	(195)

(CJDS)		"Three co-sponsors of the bills... announced their shift in support in light of a viral campaign... that included the voluntary blackout of Wikipedia, Reddit, Fark and thousands of other websites." Behold the power of Fark   (criminaljusticedegreeschools.com)	(12)
		How Republicans killed their 2012 campaign centerpiece, investment portfolios   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(53)
		Wealthy Americans showing their love of country by renouncing their US citizenship before anti tax evasion law takes effect  (washingtonpost.com)	(370)
		Italian doctors discover a man admitted to their hospital was secretly a Time Lord  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)	(48)
(IBD)		Obama shuts down Disneyworld for a day so he can give a speech to Floridians about how to improve their struggling tourism industry  (news.investors.com)	(141)
		Iran claims that after the murder of their scientist, 1,000 students switched their majors to nuclear science. Of course since most used to be "comparative medieval poetry" majors, this isn't expected to help much  (abcnews.go.com)	(57)
(Some Guy)		Rick Santorum Defends SOPA: "Your free speech rights can be incredibly harmful to someone else." You mean like when everyone uses their free speech to say, "You're out the race, Santorum"?  (networkedblogs.com)	(138)
		If the GOP candidates play their cards right, then every time Obama comes out with a commercial like this then all they have to do is counter it with the evidence  (foxnews.com)	(111)
		Buffalo teachers get a firm D for their plastic surgery union benefits  (theatlantic.com)	(45)
(Some Guy)		After yesterday's protests, many lawmakers have pulled their support for SOPA/PIPA--including a half-dozen of its original sponsors. Democracy's condition upgraded to "mostly dead"  (abs-cbnnews.com)	(66)

(Some Guyism)		Site gives Fark top billing for their SOPA/PIPA protest...then drones on as to why it's stupid and why they're a better aggregator  (guyism.com)	(4)
		About one million American homeowners would get writedowns in the size of their mortgages under a proposed deal with banks over shady foreclosure practices  (news.yahoo.com)	(72)
		Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-old), one of PIPA's original sponsors, becomes the 10th senator to withdraw their support today  (fox13now.com)	(66)
		"Fark.com is being satirical in their support, as you might expect from the premier purveyors of the extremely dark and funny headlines." Hey, we're dark, but we have a heart when it comes to SOPA. (11th item from bottom)  (live.theglobeandmail.com)	(3)
		The NYSE would like everybody to know that gambling is NOT ALLOWED on their trading floor  (theglobeandmail.com)	(22)
(Minyanville)		Minyanville credits Fark for taking a stand against SOPA, PIPA, and their "jerkiest" proponents (2nd paragraph)  (minyanville.com)	(0)
		WebProNews gives Fark.com a shout out to their humorous approach to the SOPA Blackout  (webpronews.com)	(0)
		Harvard conducts study of hipsters before other universities start doing their own and this research becomes uncool  (abcnews.go.com)	(16)
(Beyond cool)		Something no one imagined: Zombo.com has blacked out their home page to protest SOPA  (zombo.com)	(76)
(bleeding cool)		Bleeding Cool thanks FARK for clearly noticing their article on the new high resolution DC Comics logo (1st paragraph)  (bleedingcool.com)	(0)

(Some Guy)		Family takes kids to Chuck E. Cheese for birthday party, asks people at next table to clean up their language. You know what happens next  (13abc.com)	(183)
		Man missing for five days discovered dead in a locked movie theater bathroom. In other news, some movie theaters don't clean their bathrooms everyday  (denverpost.com)	(100)
		Study claims pseudonymous commenters produce posts of higher quality compared to comments from people who log in with their real names. Study author's Fark handle not mentioned  (boingboing.net)	(46)
		Arsenal spot talent in their star striker Robin Van Persie's 5 year old son, attempt to sign him to a long term contract. No, seriously  (soccernet.espn.go.com)	(23)
		Ted Baxter interviews SC Dem Chairman, who's offended that GOP chose MLK day for their debate, dies on live TV after Baxter points out that Dems did the same thing--way back in 2008  (breitbart.tv)	(100)
		Gay parents are not only better than their heterosexual counterparts, but they do so by adopting children who are typically "too old," outside of their race, or have special needs. Tag is for anyone, anywhere, who adopts a child  (huffingtonpost.com)	(286)
		Russians officially convinced it was US radar that downed their Phobos Ground spacecraft  (english.pravda.ru)	(61)
		Southern Baptist pastor and his wife promote "sexathon" by climbing into bed. On the roof of their church. Along with their teenage daughter and three other kids  (dailymail.co.uk)	(88)
(Some Guy)		Detroit police cannot keep up with the recent rise in car break-ins plaguing the city streets. Their solution? Don't park there anymore  (autoblog.com)	(49)

		Wacko fringe fundies are flaunting the tax exempt status of churches to campaign outright for their candidates from the pulpit  (weeklystandard.com)	(168)
(Some Guy)		Tampa Bay plans to take their time in hiring their head coach. Translation: "No one wants this POS job, for God's sake we couldn't convince Wade Phillips to come down here"  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(30)

(Some UFO dude)		"Some people get a little upset to hear that their UFO sighting might be nothing more than a hot paper bag." With pic of what a hot paper bag might look like  (houston-today.com)	(33)
		The rising number of hazing incidents--including a recent one where wrestlers sodomized teammates with jump rope--are worrying coaches. Not because it's illegal and disgusting, but because it sullies the storied history of their teams  (desmoinesregister.com)	(55)
		The dumbest things Floridians have ever seen their fellow drivers do. "She was eating a bowl of cereal and applying makeup simultaneously"  (sun-sentinel.com)	(181)
		Can the Texans defeat the Ravens to play in their first championship game? Will the Giants send the Packers packing? Will anything beat the Saints/49ers game? It's the NFL Divisionals Day 2 thread, games at 1 PM on CBS, 4:30 PM on Fox  (scores.espn.go.com)	(π)
		40 years ago today, the #1 song had Americans singing about driving their Chevy to the levee  (youtube.com)	(174)
		Normally, Subby would rather pull his own hair out than spend time with a chatty, 9 year-old third grade girl. But then there's this one. She knits hats for kids who don't get to pull their hair out, and I'll do whatever she says  (stltoday.com)	(96)

		Ten TV series that overstayed their welcome. Yes, the Simpsons are on there  (warmingglow.uproxx.com)	(439)
(Some Guy)		Wait a minute. You mean in real life terrorists really do attach cheap plastic alarm clocks to their bombs?  (asiaone.com)	(58)

(Some Nanny)		Couple clears weeds and trash from public land near their home. Does the city a) thank them b) reward them or c) tell them to buy a license for the work or put the weeds back?  (mailonsunday.co.uk)	(111)
		With Leather credits Fark for opening their eyes to a video about Vladimir Putin, hockey legend  (withleather.uproxx.com)	(0)
		Cousins go to house to smoke pot, the guy that tagged along discovers a stash of guns, opens fire on occupants with their own guns, owner returns fire but is killed, police give chase, car crashes, cops shoot all three. The Aristocrats  (wwl.com)	(94)
		You know how police have been harassing people for filming instances police misconduct with their smartphones? Well it looks like the Obama Administration may finally be doing something about that  (arstechnica.com)	(184)
		Six CES technologies that were ahead of their time. So now AT&T's $1600 video phone was "ahead of its time?"  (mentalfloss.com)	(32)
		Researchers find Sydney whales unfazed by whale watchers, will continue to wear their Speedos proudly  (physorg.com)	(2)
		Neatorama gives props to Fark for drawing their frogdamn attention to the world's smallest frog  (neatorama.com)	(0)
(Some Guy)		The Daily What credits Fark for bringing their attention to a drummer with the sickest skills  (thedailywh.at)	(0)
		Syrian state media chooses a soundtrack for their pro-Assad propaganda video  (youtube.com)	(23)
		Chinese applications to U.S. colleges up 23%. Desperate American students quickly work on their ability to hit a 30 foot jump shot  (behindthewall.msnbc.msn.com)	(43)
		After documentary exposes disabled children in Turkey are tied to their beds all day and not fed, Turkish government springs into action and charges the Duchess of York with violating the privacy of children  (telegraph.co.uk)	(107)
		It's Friday the 13th, a day in which close to one billion dollars is lost from people missing work because too scared to leave their homes, losses to airlines from fear of flying, and mirror breakage  (cbc.ca)	(94)
		At your university, professors have minor spats about academic matters. At Oxford University, they just straight up murder their rivals  (dailymail.co.uk)	(49)
		The CW is still going forward with their musical chairs game show and are now calling it OH SIT  (insidetv.ew.com)	(39)

		Labor Department offers $20 million in grants for organizations to help former prisoners find work so they can get their lives back in order. Surprisingly even Fox News doesn't have a problem with this  (foxnews.com)	(77)
		New York City health department has found their newest spokesperson against the dangers of super-sizing: a diabetic amputee. Naturally, some people have a problem with this. Mostly, though, they work for fast food companies   (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com)	(127)
		NY Times public editor is "looking for reader input on whether and when New York Times news reporters should" do their damn jobs  (publiceditor.blogs.nytimes.com)	(140)
(Some Canuck)		Canadian government to replace mouthwash with vodka. Their best idea since EVER  (z1043.com)	(81)
		Workers at the headquarters for parking giant Central Parking anger locals by taking all their on-street parking  (tennessean.com)	(74)
(Some Guy)		Auburn hires legendary QB Uncle Rico as their new defensive coordinator  (cbs42.com)	(32)
		School districts' requirement that all students wear "health monitors" 24/7 that record their every move and vital statistic is not a repeat from 1984  (stltoday.com)	(77)
		Five Manchester United players who need to step up their game for 2012  (bleacherreport.com)	(16)

		This team wants its young quarterback traded away and want Peyton Manning on their team. A: Who are the New York Jets?  (nydailynews.com)	(109)
		News: US Energy companies are fined $6.8 million for not using a specific biofuel in their gasoline and diesel blends. Fark: The ingredient, cellulosic biofuel, does not exist  (nytimes.com)	(104)
		Our long national nightmare is finally over as Southern Indiana limestone workers end their strike. Finally, we can buy some fresh limestone again. Build limestone houses and furniture. Drive limestone cars  (msnbc.msn.com)	(51)
		Sketchers swaps one tramp for another in their Super Bowl ad  (reuters.com)	(5)
		It's not the systemic incompetence and the firing of the head coach every year. The reason the Raiders suck is because of their stadium  (espn.go.com)	(65)

		While Republican clowns continue their squabble and puffery, Obama has officially declared World War IV over. Wait, World War IV?  (salon.com)	(145)
(Some Guy)		Passengers on a full bus wouldn't give up their seat to a pregnant woman because in the words of one rider, "She chose to be pregnant"  (dailytelegraph.com.au)	(534)
		Alzheimer's gene carriers may be able to reduce their risk with exercise. If not, they can try exercising  (businessweek.com)	(4)
(doubtful news)		Doubtful News tips their hat to FARK for a real big NYC rodent story  (doubtfulnews.com)	(0)
		Old and busted: mocking Detroit residents and their socioeconomic problems. The new hotness: Lions cornerback Aaron Berry mocking Detroit residents and their socioeconomic problems  (sports.yahoo.com)	(46)

		Far left socialist declares that the Republicans are screwed because all their candidates are idiots. Oh wait, it's Michelle Malkin  (michellemalkin.com)	(161)
		In a desperate attempt to increase sales, Excedrin announces that some high powered painkillers may have "accidentally" been mixed in with their regular pills  (msnbc.msn.com)	(58)
		The PIP breast implant is popular amongst women from Katie Price (aka Jordan) to women having post-mastectomy reconstructive surgery. Men are even putting it in their butts. Plus, it explodes  (telegraph.co.uk)	(41)
		Apparently Fartbongo's death panels and kenyanized medicine have New Hampshire wingnuts all petered out as their battle cry heading into 2012 is a collective "meh"  (politico.com)	(91)
		Flaunting their celebrity hubris, Beyoncé and Jay-Z not only rented out an entire hospital floor, but they banned other parents from seeing their own newborns  (thedailybeast.com)	(96)

		French say there's absolutely no reason to worry about huge Airbus A380 planes having cracks in their wings, after only a few years of service. DE PANIQUE TOUT LE MONDE  (news.cnet.com)	(148)
		Couple renew their marriage vows after husband becomes a woman and wife becomes a - oh .. my .. god  (dailymail.co.uk)	(138)
		Apple, RIM and Nokia giving backdoor access to their phones to India military?  (zdnet.com)	(11)
		Parents are breaking the age rule to sign their kids up to Facebook. What could possibly go wrong?  (freep.com)	(171)
		Norwegian reality show challenges blondes to change the processor in their hard drive. IT consultants' head explodes  (youtube.com)	(234)
(Tri-City Herald)		Tri-City Herald lists its top 10 news stories for the past year and thanks FARK for the traffic to both their #1 and #2 selection  (tri-cityherald.com)	(1)

		Scientists studying pot never noticed how cool the shape of their belly button was before just now, man  (philly.com)	(35)
(Some Guy)		While Americans worry about the relationship status of the Kardashians, Congress is looking at a new way to strip Americans of their citizenship if they get all protest-y  (addictinginfo.org)	(252)
(Some Guy)		Tired of social boors yammering on their cellphones during lunch? Introduce them to the Phone Stack, and enjoy your free meal  (getkempt.com)	(82)
		FAA grounds ten young whooping cranes and the bird-like plane they think is their mother teaching them to migrate because the pilot is being paid. No, really  (orlandosentinel.com)	(95)
		In the wake of the US saving their sailors from pirates, Iran ups the rhetoric and threatens full-scale war, nuclear devastation, and....wait, they said thankyou? And Fox reported it? What is this i don't even  (foxnews.com)	(95)
(wlbz.com)		The Maine Attorney General's office wants you to know that Disney really doesn't want your precious snowflake for any of their television shows, no matter what you heard on the radio  (wlbz2.com)	(18)
		Santorum: I'll abolish the 9th Circuit Court no matter WHAT the Constitution says. Oh, and ship their justices to Guantanamo  (dailycaller.com)	(161)
(Bellingham Herald)		Bellingham Herald thanks FARK for the increased national traffic on their odd story about mistaken identity (Item #1)  (bellinghamherald.com)	(2)

		House Democrats flood in during a pro-forma session to demand that they start work. Inspired by their commitment to the country, the House Republicans agree and begin legislating. Just kidding, they cut off C-SPAN again  (thinkprogress.org)	(141)
		The most vain city in the US is Miami, though it's followed closely by Chicago, whose residents dip their hats strategically below one eye and wear apricot scarfs  (travel.usatoday.com)	(78)
		Barnes & Noble to join the HP and Netflix school of business of trying to divest themselves of their main source of income now, backpedaling sheepishly later  (macworld.com)	(61)
		Obama visits high school, tells students that he's inspired by their bullshiat-detection acumen  (realclearpolitics.com)	(93)
		French fans of Michael Jackson sue the late star's doctor for "emotional damage" they suffered over his death. "It's similar to losing a childhood friend in a traffic accident," their lawyer said...exac...wait, what?  (myfoxdc.com)	(43)
		Gizmodo gives Fark a high-flying shoutout for directing their attention to a drunk pilot  (gizmodo.com)	(0)
		In their latest move to provide outstanding customer service, Bank of America rejects checks from bride who kept her maiden name  (huffingtonpost.com)	(51)
		Researchers take time out from trying to prove water is wet, fire hot, by discovering people prefer their dates to be attractive  (upi.com)	(10)
		It takes some balls to break into someone's house, live there openly, claim "adverse possession," throw out their stuff, and then charge them for home improvements because they were out of town getting chemo  (foxnews.com)	(258)
		If you had a good teacher, you'll earn more money as an adult. If you had a REALLY GOOD teacher, you might be the subject of an article on FARK about teachers that have sex with their students  (msnbc.msn.com)	(9)
		Looks like mercury caused the mass extinction 250 million years ago. GOP responds that's false, the Mercury Council has proven that it's good for you, and those mad hatters were just putting on an entertaining show for their customers  (physorg.com)	(22)
		Stupid: New Hampshire GOP passes new bill allowing parents the choice to not educate their children. HILARIOUS: Request must be made in writing  (crooksandliars.com)	(234)
(Amazin Avenue)		Mets considering changing the name of their new ballpark to Chapter 11 Bankruptcy Field  (mobile.amazinavenue.com)	(14)

(Blue Gold News)		Blue Gold News (West Virginia Sports News) sees FARK's headline about their Orange Bowl victory and calls it the "FARK comment of the day"  (mbd.scout.com)	(0)
		Do you know anyone or better yet, work with anyone who is really paranoid or conspiracy believing? Like they think the Government is watching them, or that the CIA put LSD in their drinking water or some other nonsense?  (fark.com)	(869)
		Michigan congregation opens tattoo parlor inside their church. Leviticus may have a problem with this  (mlive.com)	(31)
		The stock market? The lottery? Both places for idiots to throw their money away  (marketwatch.com)	(28)
		When a judge finds it "highly implausible" 11 panelists would "stick their noses in jars of excrement and report 44 independent times that they smelled nothing unpleasant," you'll probably have to pull your commercial  (chron.com)	(40)
		Only 1 in 3 doctors knows to wash their hands after coming into contact with the barf/fluids of the patient they saw just before they see you. Don't worry though, last year only 100,000 people croaked as a result  (theatlantic.com)	(49)
		How many Polish art students does it take to hang their own paintings in a museum?  (seattlepi.com)	(18)
		Large, angry, jealous, castrated male spiders just want their penis back  (io9.com)	(12)

		Why gay men don't get fat. Hint: It has to do with what they put in their mouths  (dailymail.co.uk)	(84)
		In a devasting blow to Bank of America, but an unexpected victory for the English language, judge rules that Insurer suing BOA only has to prove BOA lied to them to win their fraud suit  (news.yahoo.com)	(24)
		Judge rules that Darryl Strawberry's ex-wife can't touch the $800,000 she got in their divorce settlement until the IRS gets their cut, she hits at least one pinch-hit grand slam, and appears in at least four All-Star games  (tmz.com)	(18)
		Holders Real Madrid scored three times in 10 minutes to fight back Malaga 3-2 in their King's Cup last 16 first leg, sparked by a furious dressing down from Jose Mourinho  (eitb.com)	(12)
		Chicagoans can now go online to track the snow plows that are not clearing their streets  (wlsam.com)	(24)

Officer, he didn't sever the brake line to the car his girlfriend and their son were riding in...he pulled it loose. Oh, glad we cleared that up  (myfoxdc.com)

(20)

(Some Guy)		Months after Hurricane Irene wrecked parts of Hatteras Island, a subdivision remains cut off from the rest of the island and rotting away because the property owners can't afford to repair their road  (wtkr.com)	(175)
(Some Guy)		Versus lands in the dustbin of broadcasting history, will no longer show us their V  (awfulannouncing.com)	(31)
(Fox 11)		Fox 11 (Wisconsin) says their story of the discovery of a 1670 Bible was the most-viewed in 2011 and received more than 75,000 views after being linked by FARK  (fox11online.com)	(0)
		Polish ambassador: It's not the fault of Polish criminals in Germany stealing cars, it's the Germans' fault because their cars are too easy to steal  (thelocal.de)	(39)

		Six teenage inventors who changed the world and did more with their lives than any of us will  (cracked.com)	(42)
		Fat parents don't want people telling their fat kids they're fat  (ajc.com)	(190)
		According to the people who put their money where their mouth is Obama is 54% likely to be elected, Dems have only a 20% chance of keeping the Senate but they've now got a 33% shot at taking the House. So bet the over  (news.yahoo.com)	(94)
(News Tribune)		News Tribune (Tacoma, WA) thanks FARK for the increased traffic to their website after picking up the story about the mistaken death of a high school reunion member (1st story)  (thenewstribune.com)	(3)
(Public Domain - Not yours)		Duke might suck, but their annual list of books, movies, and music that WON'T be entering the public domain, due to landmark copyright legislation passed in 1976, will make you think copyright law sucks a teenie bit more  (law.duke.edu)	(121)
(Oklahoma Top Blogs)		Oklahoma Top Blogs closes out the year by picking FARK's headline about Hugh Hefner as their best of the week  (oklahomatopblogs.com)	(1)
		It's the jam-packed final week of the regular season, with the Cowboys vs. Giants for the NFC East, The Broncos vs. their neckbearded prodigal son, and the Lions vs. the Packers. It's the NFL Week 17 thread, 1 PM ET on CBS and Fox  (scores.espn.go.com)	(4467)

		The 12 Kinds of Undecided Voters: Liars, haters, mavens, know-nothings, bandwagon riders, and other kinds of voters who just can't make up their minds  (slate.com)	(111)
(Romenesko)		New newspaper owners tell their handful of remaining reporters to quit dressing like reporters, because it's important to look properly corporate while interviewing people in the middle of fighting a wildfire  (jimromenesko.com)	(44)
		FLDSers pledge to not have sex until their leader, serving a life sentence, is released from prison. Ok guys, we're gonna have to release Warren now, or else the loons will stop breeding  (deseretnews.com)	(118)
		San Francisco zoo says they were gibbon no warning before thieves broke in and stole one of their monkeys  (msnbc.msn.com)	(30)
(ARL Now)		ARL Now (Arlington, Virginia) thanks FARK for calling attention to their top rated news story of 2011. "...a story that received national attention from websites like Fark.com"  (arlnow.com)	(2)
		Although the idea sounds great on paper, in real life if you're a voice teacher you probably shouldn't encourage your female students to strip and touch themselves sexually to help improve their vocal range  (seattlepi.com)	(78)

(News Tribune)		The News Tribune (Tacoma, WA) says: "...sometimes individual stories on our website take on a life of their own and attract a much wider audience, especially when they are linked to by a big aggregator like FARK " (1st paragraph)  (blog.thenewstribune.com)	(3)
		Spain says their deficit is bigger than expected so they're going to cut taxes and start a war. No, just kidding, they're not that stupid  (news.yahoo.com)	(65)
		Neatorama loves FARK's Headline of the Year Contest and weighs in on their favorite Geek tab entry  (neatorama.com)	(4)
(Some Guy)		Just like progressives and Obama, white supremacists shocked to find out Ron Paul not one of their own  (politickerny.com)	(282)
		Hipsters in Milwaukee Zoo love their iPads, flinging poo  (bbc.co.uk)	(9)
(doubtful news)		Doubtful News credits FARK as the source for their story about the Hugo Chavez cancer conspiracy  (doubtfulnews.com)	(0)
(Some Guy)		Town bans non residents from sledding because "If the sled riders were to lose control or were unable to get off their sled, they could potentially go over the hill into the woods". Ostensibly to Grandma's house  (pittsburgh.cbslocal.com)	(36)
(skeptic)		Skeptic credits FARK as the source for their story about the Hugo Chavez cancer conspiracy  (skeptic.com)	(0)
		Go Daddy announces that they would very much like to stay in business, will stick to raping just their customers for a change  (news.cnet.com)	(48)
		Bolivia is in two minds about what to do with their huge reserves of lithium  (guardian.co.uk)	(42)
		California church that trolls with unusual nativity displays every Christmas disappointed that someone answered with their own troll  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(161)

		Tech luminaries we lost in 2011. May their memories never be deleted  (computerworld.com)	(18)
		Iowa City is under siege by crows. Their solution to the invasion? Yellow balloons and reflective streamers. Surely that will triumph  (press-citizen.com)	(71)
		Debra Messing and her new NBC co-star Will Chase have both bailed on their respective spouses. Coincidence? Nope. Smitten? Yep  (bittenandbound.com)	(33)
		In another flagrant example of government over-regulation, Montréal residents can no longer get their pancakes and eggs served by topless women and eat them while watching porn  (cbc.ca)	(75)
(Some Guy)		Anti-whaling ship signals for help after its hull is seriously damaged by a rogue wave. Where is their pod now?  (couriermail.com.au)	(167)
		Iran says it tracked and filmed a US aircraft carrier in the Gulf of Oman, revealing the worrying strides Iran has made in their "being able to find objects larger than a skyscraper that aren't trying to hide from you" technology  (news.yahoo.com)	(106)

		Moms p.o.ed at their breast feeding polices, set a bulls eye on Target stores and hold a "nurse in". We will keep you abreast on the outcome  (huffingtonpost.com)	(219)
(herald online)		Herald Online (South Carolina) picks their Top 10 most-read local stories for 2011 and notes "a few that were picked up by national websites including Fark.com"  (heraldonline.com)	(3)
(dustbury.com)		Dustbury.com picks FARK's amusing headline about Hugh Hefner as their "Fark blurb of the week"  (dustbury.com)	(2)
		AMC renews "Hell on Wheels" which is apparently a show that is on their network  (insidetv.ew.com)	(62)
		Well, what you caught there is the infamous "Ball Cutter" fish...known to kill men by feasting on their testicles. With pic of ball cutting teeth  (telegraph.co.uk)	(50)

		Turns out the US House of Representatives likes to use the series of tubes to get their hands on illegal copies of self-help books and...uh...let's say "adult themed self-help videos". Download as I say, not as I download  (boingboing.net)	(65)
		The Huffington Post lifts a glass to Fark for directing their attention to a story about someone who enjoyed marshmallow vodka a bit too much  (huffingtonpost.com)	(0)
		For assholes who want to run their own copyright trolling firm, today's your lucky day: Copyright troll Righthaven's domain name now up for auction  (arstechnica.com)	(17)
(Some Romerologist)		On the heels of their critically acclaimed discovery 'Humans Dislike Being Stabbed in the Chest', the Ric Romero Institute of Science discovers that changes in climate directly affect the diversity of a species  (summitcountyvoice.com)	(40)
		Online internet web group of cyberspace computer virus hackers known as "Anonymous" is planning to invade your homes through the You Tube. Luckily, WND has enough heirloom seeds and robot insurance to quell the oncoming hordes  (wnd.com)	(176)
		America's elders, having led such productive lives and done so much to strengthen this country, would like to pass on their 6 most important tips for living as good a life as they did  (cnn.com)	(79)
		Van Halen reuniting for 40th-anniversary tour, although their biggest song will be rewritten as "Hop a Little Bit with the Help of Two Roadies"  (music-mix.ew.com)	(51)
		Let me stress that RON PAUL is not a homophobe or a racist. He simply doesn't like to use their bathrooms or have people speak spanish around him  (huffingtonpost.com)	(159)
		Mayo clinic workers speeding to organ-donation site create impromptu organ-donation site of their own  (thedailybeast.com)	(31)

After 14 years McDonald's closes all their restaurants in Bolivia. Officials concede that once a country goes empanada it can never go Mac  (dailykos.com)

(42)

		Photoshop these runners in all their glory  (msnbcmedia3.msn.com)	(35)
		Can the Bears halt their free-fall into mediocrity? Will the Packers bounce back from the end of a perfect run? Will anyone still be sober after gallons of after-dinner spiked egg nog? Tune in for Christmas NFL action at 8:20 ET on NBC  (sports.yahoo.com)	(1096)

		10 words Americans added to their vocabulary this past year  (finance.yahoo.com)	(65)
		More people are wanting an official Red Ryder carbine-action two-hundred-shot range model air rifle under their Christmas tree this year  (ajc.com)	(82)
		Will the Seahawks troll their way to victory over the 49ers? How badly will the Bills lose to the Teebuses? Will the Cowboys and Giants wind up tied for first in the NFC East? It's the NFL Week 16 thread, games start at 1 PM on CBS and Fox  (scores.espn.go.com)	(2127)
		Female spiders who immediately eat their mates after sex produce healthier babies. Keep this in mind when you're writing out your next paternity check  (mnn.com)	(38)
(Post-divorce Chronicles)		Post-divorce Chronicles discusses the best songs when you're alone this Christmas and uses a photo (courtesy of FARK) to illustrate their point (photo caption)  (postdivorcechronicles.com)	(0)

		Twenty-three Christmas props and 30,000 lights: $1500; Telling your HOA and their $25 biweekly fine to stick it: priceless  (thedenverchannel.com)	(148)
		Apparently Boise State won a bowl game last night against some team with a losing record. Oh, and their QB became the all time winningest QB in FBS history while playing for an FCS caliber team  (scores.espn.go.com)	(130)
(Some Guy)		Grandparents kicked out of the mall for A.) Racing up the down escalator b.) Using the Macy's intercom to announce a 50% store wide discount for the next 30 minutes C.) Taking a picture of their 5 year old grandson  (wndu.com)	(165)
		TSA launches "TSA Cares," a helpline designed to help prime senior citizens and the disabled for their groping  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com)	(53)

		Will the Colts continue to ruin their draft position? Who is TJ Yates? Find out tonight on your Thursday Night Football thread. Colts vs. Texans. 8:20 PM ET. NFL Network  (scores.espn.go.com)	(759)
(Some Guy)		Perhaps the only thing more obnoxious than people who spend a small fortune each year on Christmas presents for their children are the people who spend a small fortune on presents for their pets. "He's getting a costume and a hat"  (ktar.com)	(122)
		Self-employed people feel best about their jobs. Too bad their bosses suck  (chinadaily.com.cn)	(35)
		Ace reporters uses their crack sleuthing skills to A) uncover government corruption B) investigate the shady dealings of congressional leaders C) ruin Sasha and Malia's Christmas  (news.yahoo.com)	(90)
		While North Korea is consumed with mourning for their dead leader; North Korean defectors in the south are holding equally enthusiastic "We're glad you're dead you miserable bastard" rallies  (npr.org)	(83)
		Online shopping hits record $6.3 billion last week as half of people making purchases actually used their own credit cards  (news.cnet.com)	(12)
		Tim Minchin and Professor Brian Cox team up to sing a modern Christmas carol. That sound you hear is the sound of thousands of farkettes falling in love, and thousands more farkers suddenly doubting their sexuality  (youtube.com)	(26)
(dustbury.com)		Dustbury.com picks FARK's clever stockbroker headline as their "Fark blurb of the week"  (dustbury.com)	(0)
		A Girl Scouts troop's decision to admit a 7-year-old transgender child this fall has prompted three leaders to resign and dissolve their troops. Guess they'll all forfeit their tolerance badges  (huffingtonpost.com)	(560)

		There's an entire universe of photos that Slate could've selected from to illustrate their article titled, "Why do nipples harden in the cold?" And from that universe they chose one...of Rep. Barney Frank  (slate.com)	(110)
(Some Guy)		White Castle experimenting with alcohol sales in their restaurants. Meal deal will be referred to as a 10 sack and a 6 pack  (dispatch.com)	(74)
		Atlanta Braves suing Pixar over calling their upcoming film "Brave"  (marquee.blogs.cnn.com)	(76)
		So, if the Tea Party wants a president who will actually do things, Newt's their guy  (finance.townhall.com)	(102)
(Mercatus Center)		#Occupy Their Lawn might be the move, what with the bluehairs soaking up half the federal budget in two decades' time  (mercatus.org)	(45)
		Far from turning the town of Wukan into a smoking crater, Chinese authorities are actually caving in to the town's demands and are giving them their prisoners and some of their land back  (washingtonpost.com)	(21)
		Profiles in courage: presidential candidates who decry, but do nothing to stop the outside organizations that spend millions of dollars to attack their opponents  (politico.com)	(18)
		'Sensitive Santas' are providing their services so that children with autism can make their first ever visit to the Jolly Old Elf  (washingtonpost.com)	(31)
		Tis the season... for "ingenious robbers caught after police followed their tracks in snow" headlines  (thelocal.se)	(13)
		Average American household spent $4,155 filling up their vehicles in 2011. As expected, most trips were back and forth to the unemployment office  (chicagotribune.com)	(45)
		The government is asking journalists to shut their beaks and stop squawking about how a lab-made version of the bird flu could make us all dead ducks  (mnn.com)	(50)
		Blackberry maker Research in Motion (RIM) turned down a sale to Amazon this past summer, saying they can fix their own problems. Stock price 1 yr ago: $60 -- this summer: $30 -- today: $12  (pcmag.com)	(59)

		Scientists claim to have discovered the secret of the Turin Shroud. Their conclusion? They're not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens  (independent.co.uk)	(320)
		Remember the good samaritans that paid off the layaway balances at K-Mart? A woman tries to do the same at Wal-Mart and is initially told no by store manager because it would violate their privacy policy  (blog.chron.com)	(90)
(Some Guy)		Apparently this year's War on Christmas will be of the "civil" variety as MI homeowners recieve an anonymous letter denouncing their Christmas light displays for perpetuating a pagan tradition  (northwestohio.com)	(194)
		Occupy Denver protesters set their own tents and structures on fire as they get kicked out of park  (thedenverchannel.com)	(204)
		Motorists traveling on Ga. 400 surprised to see that Dominique Wilkins and the Atlanta Hawks have their tolls covered  (ajc.com)	(19)
		Burger King's new fries are better than their old ones, but "still not as good as Wendy's fries." Um...Wendy's fries suck. Now, Culver's and Five Guys, they've got great fries. And burgers  (consumerist.com)	(210)
		Chimpanzees are now feeling the crunch of changing times too, losing their medical research jobs to computers and new technology  (latimes.com)	(34)

		GOP rep compares John Boehner to William Wallace, says that the payroll tax cut is their "Braveheart moment". Apparently, none of them saw how that movie ended for Mr. Wallace  (dailykos.com)	(177)
(Some Guy)		Giant playable video pinball game projected onto the front of a building. Who wouldn't like to see their video game failures projected several stories tall?  (ubergizmo.com)	(15)
(Some Guy)		There once was a prostitution sting in Limerick, the men did expose their prick, many were deposed, the cops names did expose, but none were funny as the article's use of "bone banging reality"  (independent.ie)	(146)
		Cheney urges "quick airstrike" against Iran, to be followed by a "swift invasion" that will pay for itself when the teeming masses rise up to embrace their American liberators  (salon.com)	(259)
		T-Mobile to AT&T: "Thanks for the free billions, suckers" AT&T to their execs: "Here are your millions in bonuses, so that you won't leave. ;)"  (businessweek.com)	(31)

		Absolutely nobody in Canada is shocked as Quebec's bigots argue an English coach can't lead their team, forget that it was a French coach who got them into this mess to begin with  (tsn.ca)	(127)
		Will Triple H and Kevin Nash still have ow-less quads after their match? Can Zack Ryder finally get a real belt? Is Booker T comin' for you, ninja? How can there be a show without John Cena? It's WWE TLC 2011, 8 PM ET on PPV  (bleacherreport.com)	(1561)
		So... just why did Apple name their new digital assistant Siri? A baby name expert has the answers  (slate.com)	(86)
		Couple returns to their car from a busy day of shoplifting to discover someone broke in and stole the fruits of their labor, promptly notify police (with mugshots)  (deseretnews.com)	(84)
		Will Spurs bounce back after getting jobbed by the Potters? Are Chelsea finally getting their groove on? Can the transfer window open soon enough for a crocked United? All this plus a huge City v Arsenal match in this week's EPL thread  (dailymail.co.uk)	(223)
		Al Franken grills the phone companies and device manufacturers on the purpose and capabilities of CarrierIQ and is somehow surprised when their answers are consistent with previously established facts  (engadget.com)	(94)
		Under a new ordinance, Atlanta parents can face a $1,000 fine and up to 60 days in jail when their precious little snowflakes skip school  (ajc.com)	(156)

(Some Guy)		Neko Case: "Wow. That just made me bawl my eyes out, what beautiful singers. I'm not worthy... Holy god. They broke the s**t out of my heart" They may also have just saved their school. Darn dusty staircases  (huffingtonpost.ca)	(40)
		Texas female escort offers "Toys for Tots Special": a chance for male contributors to get more bang for their buck  (huffingtonpost.com)	(13)
		After the success of their completely legitimate and logical bid for the World Cup Qatar now preparing for a summer Olympics bid. India said to be very supportive as many of their most athletic citizens already reside in the Gulf  (sports.espn.go.com)	(26)
		Members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster will be erecting their holiday display this weekend at the Loudoun County, VA Courthouse. Naturally, some people have a problem with this  (washingtonpost.com)	(439)
		Woman writes in to The Consumerist to complain about how Cracker Barrel gave her and her sister a free meal because they had to wait a few minutes for their lunch order  (consumerist.com)	(103)
		Most sites for their year end list have the deaths or major events of the year, not the Atlantic with "The Year in Volcanic Activity"  (theatlantic.com)	(27)
		California tells motorists that changing the oil in their car every 3000 miles is unnecessary. In other news, Chrysler owners just happy their new car reaches 3000 miles  (latimes.com)	(60)
(NME)		Wouldn't it be nice if the Beach Boys were to announce plans to reform for their 50th anniversary?  (nme.com)	(69)

		All states which can confirm with 100% accuracy that there is no brain-eating bacteria in their tap water, please step forward. Not so fast, Louisiana  (rawstory.com)	(105)
(Henry's Tacos)		Just after celebrating 50 years as the roadside Googie home to the original gringo taco, Henry's Tacos in Studio City is about to get the heave-ho from their landlord. SAVE THE SAUCE CUPS  (dailynews.com)	(49)
		5'10'' Division III white collegian who became YouTube sensation for his mind-boggling dunks signs contract with Harlem Globetrotters, hoping to attract fans who like a little vanilla in their jam. Duke sucks  (sports.yahoo.com)	(19)
		Katy Perry tops Adele to become MTV's first Artist of the Year. MTV would like to thank the deaf community for their votes  (starpulse.com)	(124)
(Nieman Journalism Lab)		Nieman Journalism Lab references FARK in their Week in Review discussion of social media and viral news compilation sites (2nd section)  (niemanlab.org)	(1)
		Students in Warren, Michigan learned that classes were canceled today after someone stole the batteries from all their buses  (wxyz.com)	(45)
		RIM CEOs take a pay cut to $1. But enough about their stock options  (canoe.ca)	(45)
		Dutch reconsider their cunning "kill our only industry" plan  (travel.usatoday.com)	(60)
		Survey finds that Brits are drunk in 76% of all their Facebook pics. Next stop, Ireland  (shortlist.com)	(15)
		Benton Harbor, Michigan is a model for the future. A future where corporations get millions in tax breaks to build their headquarters and private golf courses on public land and the mayor and city council can be fired by the governor on a whim  (nytimes.com)	(86)

		Sandusky's lawyer: "Teaching a person to shower at the age of 12 or 14 sounds strange to some people ... like how to put soap on their body." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  (content.usatoday.com)	(172)
		Police ask that you please stop Tweeting the exact location of their drunk driving checkstops (specifically, 34th Avenue and 50th Street)  (cbc.ca)	(219)
		Is the government lying to us about the economy? Unemployment is down (because people stopped looking for work) and consumer spending is slightly off (because people are living out of their cars)  (marketwatch.com)	(71)
		Two-thirds of job creators say that sluggish economic growth means they won't be creating any jobs for the next six months. Which I suppose means they're not job creators right now and we can raise their taxes, right?  (usatoday.com)	(102)
		New study finds people read their cell phones rather than newspapers. Americans find it's much more convenient when they have to drive  (technolog.msnbc.msn.com)	(8)
		Playboy magazine moving from Chicago to Los Angeles. Circulation office now nearer to their 12 subscribers  (money.cnn.com)	(58)
(KAAL)		Team sports captains at high school pep rally told they are going to be kissed by member of the opposite sex, then are blindfolded and kissed by their parents. Awkward  (kaaltv.com)	(88)
		Men are oppressing women by allowing women to earn more with better jobs while staying home playing video games, drinking beer, watching porn and boffing their mother-in-laws  (nytimes.com)	(251)

(Some Guy)		Your high school chemistry students won't keep their safety goggles on. Do you: C) spray them in the face with Lysol?  (triblocal.com)	(101)
		Turns out most of the companies that the Florida Family Association claimed pulled their ads from All-American Muslim...didn't  (thinkprogress.org)	(96)
(Norwich Bulletin)		Man argues that lawyers should be permitted to f*ck their clients outside the courtroom as well  (norwichbulletin.com)	(67)
		President Obama gives the only two-word slogan the troops and their families want to hear. "Welcome Home"  (bbc.co.uk)	(202)
		Crew of HMS Ocean sends best ever holiday Christmas video to their families  (wimp.com)	(25)
		Pearl Harbor veterans do what WWII vets do when some mamby pamby actors on some mamby pamby Hawaian Five Oh show decides to mamby pamby film during their solemn Pearl Harbor rememberance ceremony. Bunch of jack wagon actors  (mediaite.com)	(162)
		Increasing numbers of students are turning to lap dancing and prostitution to pay their way through university. Amazingly, some people have a problem with this  (dailymail.co.uk)	(613)
(Some Guy)		Florida's drunkest cities also tend to be their grayest, with nightmare-inducing photo of what drunken grandparents might look like  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)	(53)
		Tip #1 for how to spot a liar in 20 seconds flat is to look for their lips moving  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)	(77)

		USA Today adds Fark.com to their blogroll. WOO-HOO  (content.usatoday.com)	(31)
		Fiscal conservative™ and small government Governor of South Dakota looking to borrow another $1 million to defend their unconstitutional anti-abortion law in court  (thinkprogress.org)	(147)
		Target continuing its holiday customer relations makeover by refusing to allow a group of students into to their store to spend their money raised to purchased needed items for abused babies  (consumerist.com)	(240)
		Sarah Palin admonishes Congress for using their political influence to line their own pockets. Allow me to repeat that: Sarah Palin admonishes Congress for using their political influence to line their own pockets  (usatoday.com)	(142)
		David Attenborough explains that BBC filmed polar bears in zoo because they didn't want their cameramen to be eaten  (canada.com)	(28)
		Herman Cain's downfall is the result of a culture whose morals have gone down the drain after the liberal sexual revolution. The takeaway here, obviously, is that husbands should not allow their wives to have any contact with other men  (nationalreview.com)	(192)
		An impassioned manifesto against people who clip their nails in public. "You littered with your body parts"  (blog.trutv.com)	(144)
		Neatorama gives a neato mention to Fark for bringing their attention to the Mythbusters cannonball misfire  (neatorama.com)	(1)

		Hollywood starlets with some meat on their bones  (starpulse.com)	(153)
		Iranians becoming more like Americans every day; they're threatening to sue the US over the drone that went down in their territory  (bbc.co.uk)	(101)
		New study says that enjoying the misfortune of others makes people feel better about themselves. In other news, NFL fans always happy when the Colts are playing their team  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		Some advice from the TSA on how not to mess up their Christmas  (bbc.com)	(219)

		After their tough new immigration law has so far succeeded only in ensuring neither Honda or Mercedes will ever build a plant there; Alabama thinks the law might could stand to be tweaked jest a little  (af.reuters.com)	(177)
		Still not in the Christmas spirit? Maybe this slideshow of children crying while getting their picture taken with Santa Claus will put you in the mood  (life.com)	(60)
		Will the Colts pick up their first win of the season? Can the Bears maul Teebus? Will the Giants defeat the Cowboys to tie up the NFC East? It's the NFL Week 14 thread (games start at 1 PM ET on CBS and Fox)  (scores.espn.go.com)	(4633)
		Blur to be awarded for their contribution to British music. WOOOHOOOOO  (bbc.co.uk)	(38)
		Consenting adults arrested for doing adult things to several other consenting adults in the privacy of their homes. Welcome to Florida, USA: Home of the free, land of the prudes  (tampabay.com)	(145)
		Large firms are no longer just sitting on their cash and not hiring people, they are increasingly stiffing small businesses for payment owed on services and products  (sfgate.com)	(148)

(Jezebel)		Some of these quotes are from various men's magazines. Some are from convicted rapists justifying their crime. Can you tell the difference?  (jezebel.com)	(311)
		Authorities arrest 3 Chinese men in Cologne after finding 100 snakes, 70 tortoises, and 20 neon-colored frogs in their hotel room; are unsure whether they are animal dealers or had just ordered room service  (thelocal.de)	(33)
		Rolling Stone picks their 50 best albums of 2011, and damned if they didn't get #1 right  (rollingstone.com)	(199)
		You kidding me? UCLA hired Jim Mora as their new coach??? Good thing college football doesn't have a playoff  (espn.go.com)	(33)
		NPR gives you their favorite songs, albums and discoveries of 2011 ... in a surprisingly well thought-out list  (npr.org)	(35)
		Huffington Post gives their readers a chance to outdo the FARK regulars with a link to the FARK Weird News Quiz  (huffingtonpost.com)	(0)

		Major European banks have run out of liquid assets and have begun selling their gold reserves to fund daily operations. Now might be a pretty good time to start panicking  (telegraph.co.uk)	(66)
		In order to make their forecasts sound more American, meteorologists in England are giving percentage chances of precipitation instead of just saying "it's likely to rain"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(43)
		Gingrich says that the Palestinians are an "invented" people and have no right to a state of their own  (washingtonpost.com)	(386)
		Comic book pioneer Jerry Robinson, who helped create Batman's sidekick Robin and their arch-nemesis The Joker, dead at 89  (azstarnet.com)	(38)
		Alice Cooper: "Go see a local rock band and they are boring. They are in their Dockers, their Gap shirts. It's like 'I just want to be one of the guys,' and that's not what rock 'n' roll is about"  (orlandosentinel.com)	(198)
		Now that a pack of smokes cost $15 in New York, the city has revealed their next target: Roll your own cigarettes. Suck it smokers. Suck it hard  (bbc.co.uk)	(362)

		For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but be forever protected from government plots to embed GPS tracking devices in their bodies  (washingtonpost.com)	(105)
		Man wears Chewbacca mask during shooting, cops assign case to their new wookie  (upi.com)	(37)
		After dropping a quarter billion for Pujols, Angels add Rangers lefty C.J. Wilson to their pitching rotation, think that "Yankees West" has a nice ring to it  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(96)
		With Kermit on the run and Gonzo being held in a secret location for his own safety, the lamestream drive-by mainstream LSDBMSM media have circled their wagons around the remaining Muppets for the endgame battle against the right wing blogodome   (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(81)
		If enough people "throw their vote away" and vote for a third party, we might actually have real change  (thedailybeast.com)	(221)
(Some Guy)		Man busted with two illegally killed deer in his possession was wearing hat reading "Registered Maine Poacher". Somewhere in Maine, a village is missing their idiot  (wilx.com)	(32)
		Should nuns take birth control pills? Probably, considering their boss has a history of impregnating women without touching them  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com)	(75)
		New Zealand Herald credits FARK for leading them to one of their 10 best internet links of the day (highlight #9)  (nzherald.co.nz)	(0)
		Air Force admits that they buried far more ashes of U.S. servicemen in a landfill than previously acknowledged. Oops, sorry families, their bad again  (washingtonpost.com)	(72)
		The latest unfalsifiable theory from ESP proponents: ESP skeptics are psychic and use their powers to suppress ESP  (boingboing.net)	(89)

		Governor Walker signs bill that says lawyers shouldn't get paid more than three times what they win for their clients. In other news, Bar Association backs recall  (twincities.com)	(121)
		No terrorist in their right mind will attack Montcalm County, Michigan now that they have $11,700 worth of snow cone machines. Thank you, Homeland Security  (gawker.com)	(80)
		Obama's kids are being served "garlic roasted edamame" for lunch today at their private school... the other 99% of us have no freaking idea what that is  (foxnews.com)	(386)
		Syrian president says only "crazy presidents" kill their own citizens, is crazy  (chicagotribune.com)	(44)
(Some Guy)		You haven't done a very good job at parenting if your kids drink underage, they beat you up for throwing away their beer because they are underaged, and they're drinking Bud Light  (bnd.com)	(71)
		Two cops playing with their guns late at night suffer premature discharge, destroying another man's hard sausage. What a load of baloney  (knoxnews.com)	(46)
(Daytona News Journal)		Tired of not making enough money with their bake sale fundraisers, group of grandmothers decide to go a slightly different route. Oh yes, they did (with sfw pics)  (news-journalonline.com)	(52)
		School bus drivers ordered to remove Christmas decorations, including ribbons, bows, snowflakes, Christmas crackers, snowmen, elves, Santa Claus and angels from their buses. That's stup-- angels? BURN IN HELL OTTO  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(57)
		Contrary to popular belief, atheists do take their families to church. "We thought that these individuals might be less inclined to introduce their children to religious traditions, but we found the exact opposite to be true"  (religion.blogs.cnn.com)	(522)
		College girls strip (you've already clicked) to raise money to fund their team. Possibly Not safe for work  (thesun.co.uk)	(485)

		RNC accidentally invites Yahoo news to join private conference call. Their genius 2012 strategy: Obama is a flip-flopper  (news.yahoo.com)	(60)
		Newt Gingrich does not want to send your children into the coal mines or other heavy industry, just wants them to compete with lower level service worker parents to further deflate their wages  (politico.com)	(347)
		Radio stations that switch to All-Christmas format are doubling their ratings. Suck it Thanksgiving, Passover, and Ramadan radio  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(188)
		The Incredible Bulk tears his clothes off and ambushes couple on their own front porch. You wouldn't like him when he's angry, and pumped up on steroids  (ajc.com)	(42)
		Socalist labor unions ruin another business with selfish--oh, they took a 50% wage cut voluntarily to keep their employer afloat? And an extra-long unpaid Christmas break? Those commies  (bbc.co.uk)	(66)
		Scientists at Berkeley point their telescope at your mom  (usatoday.com)	(15)
		Fearing for their safety, police are forced to tear clothing from OWS protester and hastily retreat from weeping, underwear clad menace  (news.com.au)	(474)
		Jim Schwartz says some Detroit Lions players "may" face punishment for their actions during their game against the Saints, but says he saw nothing warranting suspension. Yes, even the guy who put his hands on a ref  (mlive.com)	(60)

		Democrats, Republicans release their dueling tax plans. Whoever wins, we lose  (politico.com)	(139)
		India, a country with the population of a billion people, asks Google, Facebook and Twitter to screen all of the content posted to their sites. Yes, all of it. No really, they're serious  (india.blogs.nytimes.com)	(77)
		Suddenly it hit me: People who smack their children are afraid to admit it because it has become socially unacceptable  (news.com.au)	(291)
(Some Guy)		In the US, people tend to leave electronics behind in cabs. In France it's their clothes. And in London it's a dead donkey  (thechronicle.com.au)	(17)
		I can't understand why anyone would want to grab their torches and pitchforks and head over to the rich asshole district  (tcpalm.com)	(81)
		OWS protester scores Wall Street job, which means the rest of you smelly hippies have to go home and let Wall Street bankers enjoy their Christmas bonuses in peace  (nypost.com)	(371)

		In case you ever wondered how do the top restaurants train their staff, you know, the ones where you actually have to leave a tip  (nypost.com)	(32)
		Michele Bachmann: "Occupy Wall Street just wants people to pay for their stuff"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(279)
(dustbury.com)		Dustbury.com picks FARK's clever wheelchair headline as their "Fark blurb of the week"  (dustbury.com)	(2)
		During a North Pole geography lesson, second-grade teacher informs the students that Santa doesn't exist. Why yes, some parents have a problem with this. "It's outrageous that a teacher would strip a child of their innocence"  (nypost.com)	(198)

(Some Guy)		Who should pay for the aging water infrastructure? Baby boomers whistle and point out that they got theirs, so f*ck you  (theatlanticcities.com)	(206)
		The most popular baby names of 2011 are here, and let's welcome a whole generation of children who will get teased by kids in their class with normal, unpretentious names  (marquee.blogs.cnn.com)	(439)
(Some Guy)		Sheriff's deputies and movers show up on orders from bank to forcefully evict a 103-year old woman and her 86-year old daughter from their house. Refuse to do it when they actually see the women. Man, but it's dusty in here  (newsone.com)	(262)
		An Irishman discusses his home brew. Farkers can share their own home brew recipes to the right  (youtube.com)	(17)
		Christmas 2011: Explaining to your kids that their toys are rentals  (dailymail.co.uk)	(38)
		Universal Studios Orlando is closing the Jaws ride. Where are 80s geek hopeless romantics going to propose to their girlfriends now?  (iheartchaos.com)	(69)
		Jacksonville.com thinks FARK's clever Colts headline is their NFL highlight of the week (last section)  (jacksonville.com)	(2)
(Some Guy)		Occupy Boston protesters trying to winterize their encampment have brought everything but the kitchen sink, and only because the cops confiscated that  (boston.cbslocal.com)	(256)

		Tampa Bay Online notices that their coverage of a custody dispute "is trending today on Fark.com" (2nd section)  (www2.tbo.com)	(0)
		Vietnamese are famed for their skills in fishing with nets are now using that expertise to catch motorcycles  (telegraph.co.uk)	(35)
		Biologists discover albino dolphin; from Hell's heart, stab at thee; for hate's sake, spit their last breath at thee  (dailymail.co.uk)	(20)
		A new fringe group has cropped up in supporting Herman Cain. Their target? "Husbandless accusers" who want to discredit the GOP's "greatest hope"  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(78)
		Law school students provided puppies for exam study break, allowed to cuddle, play and bond, then required to kill them with their bare hands and eat them  (washingtonpost.com)	(62)
(Some Guy)		School bans Christmas cards. "In their effort to be PC, they've achieved the absurd"  (610wiod.com)	(76)
		"Like" Ric Romero's KABC-7 station on Facebook & $1 gets donated to their "Spark Of Love" toydrive for underprivileged kids. To the Romerocopter  (mediabistro.com)	(28)
		Free speech has a three hour time limit in Texas. Dang, I know Texans that can talk about their pickup trucks for nine hours   (occupyamerica.crooksandliars.com)	(34)

		Michele Bachmann comes out in favor of marriage between gay men and their beards  (huffingtonpost.com)	(277)
		Top Gear host apologizes for saying striking public sector workers should be "executed in front of their families." Yes, of course it was Clarkson  (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(121)
		Yes, douchebags do sometimes make it past their 20s. This one almost didn't make it out of his 50s though  (qctimes.com)	(52)
		Police officer and department office manager attempt to get rid of budget-slashing city official using Santerian birdseed ritual, are instead turned in by their accomplice the janitor. Can you guess the state without looking at the tag?  (miamiherald.com)	(13)
		Anaheim Ducks celebrate breaking a 7 game losing streak the only way they know how: firing their head coach and hiring Bruce Boudreau. Emilio Estevez is in-farking-consolable  (tsn.ca)	(32)
(King 5)		Program gives professional ballerinas second chance to do something productive. With their ability to bend over backwards, they are naturals for the business world  (king5.com)	(9)
(BGR)		IPride 4S deemed best iPride yet by people that didn't sell their families to get it  (bgr.com)	(19)
		Cain: The Democrats might be trying to take me down because I'm their worst nightmare and they'd rather face Gingrich  (hotair.com)	(88)
		Sears offered $400 million to move their headquarters from Illinois to Ohio. Because when you think of failing retail industries, you think of Ohio  (qctimes.com)	(45)
		Immigrants are now stealing American jobs that should belong to girls who are really just doing this to work their way through college and who want you to buy them a drink because they really, reallly like you  (news.yahoo.com)	(66)
		Good news, everybody: Black Friday proved that Americans have recovered from their temporary fear of credit cards and are once again charging like the True Patriots we've always known they are  (usatoday.com)	(59)
(abc)		New U.S. study says average male is 196 pounds, and average woman is 160 pounds. Americans continue to throw their weight around  (abclocal.go.com)	(89)

		Bloomberg's delusions of grandeur are taking their toll "I have my own army in the NYPD, which is the seventh biggest army in the world,"  (rawstory.com)	(185)
(Some Guy)		Scientists who created doomsday flu virus in lab and want to share their results in a research paper are worried about a media firestorm. Gee, ya think?  (news.sciencemag.org)	(104)
(Some Guy)		Ohio is redesigning their license plates. Let's help them design one that accurately depicts the state  (dispatch.com)	(60)
(Post-Gazette)		US Airways raises prices 600% when their competition drops out  (post-gazette.com)	(214)
		Oklahoma earthquakes opened a gateway to hell. Where is their God now?  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(61)
		Your Honor, the couple I kidnapped breached our contract when they escaped and turned me in. It's not like I held a gun to their head... Oh, right  (huffingtonpost.com)	(34)
(Some Lapp Dancing Guy)		Maija the traffic safety reindeer killed in traffic accident. Memorial services will be held next week. The Police are asking the public to bring their own mashed potatoes and lingonberry sauce  (hs.fi)	(13)
		Daniel Craig says the Kardashians are 'f***ing idiots' for making careers out of their private lives. In future news, Fox announces new reality show "I used to be James Bond"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(81)
(Market Place)		Facebook promises that this is really the last time, once and for all, that they violate their privacy policy. Thankfully the FTC doesn't believe it either  (marketplace.org)	(20)

		In addition to being away from their families, troops had to put up with Bret Michaels on Thanksgiving too  (700wlw.com)	(17)
		Could be the three rich guys who claimed the $254M Powerball jackpot were fronting for an even richer guy who doesn't feel like being hassled over his new "Let's Hunt #Occupy Hippies For Their Meat" charity  (nypost.com)	(79)
		Worldwide nerdgasm occurs after NASA reveals specs on their "powerful laser heat-ray disintegrator blaster"  (theregister.co.uk)	(34)
		Advice columnist suggests that moms use the Twilight movies to talk to their teen daughters about sex. Absent from the suggestions: "Don't get knocked up by someone 90 years older than you are"  (suntimes.com)	(100)
		Thanksgiving is over. So you know what that means - time for douchebag neighborhood associations to start telling people what color Christmas lights they can't hang on their porch  (myfoxdc.com)	(56)
		Super cool: You land a foursome with three hot chicks. Still kinda cool: They're all drunk at the bar you own. Not cool: Their combined ages add up to 36  (foxnews.com)	(117)
		Ray Lewis may not make the cut for next week's game. He'll be there to cover for his teammates from the sidelines as they take a stab at their next divisional foe  (aol.sportingnews.com)	(21)

		TLC's new promo for their show Virgin Diaries, featuring virgins kissing for the first time on their wedding day, receives early Emmy nod for Most Hawkward Promo Evar  (blahbethany.com)	(100)
		Three 1%'er "asset managers" suddenly have lot more of their own to manage as they split a $254 million powerball jackpot after buying a single ticket on a whim at a gas station  (foxnews.com)	(208)
		Not all hot female teachers hit on their students. This one sexually assaulted an airline steward  (bbc.co.uk)	(125)
		Houston Astros fire their GM Ed Wade. Subsequently, the Philadelphia Phillies lose the most productive level in their farm system  (sports.yahoo.com)	(23)
		A lawyer for Chick-fil-A said in a letter that the use of the "eat more kale" message is likely to cause confusion of the public with their phrase "eat mor chikin"  (finance.yahoo.com)	(150)
		Republicans may not have thought their cunning Solyndra plan all the way through, as it may actually put them on a collision course with the US military   (idealab.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(138)
		Thanks to questionable breeding practices, the fact that bulldogs are "the most relentless farters in the canine world" is probably the least of their problems  (nytimes.com)	(197)
		Surname hyphenation, TNG: Some parents are realizing that there may be down-sides to saddling their new tyke with a name like "Joey Wilde-Cunningham-Lindquist"   (nytimes.com)	(295)
		Modern American teenagers appear to have lost their love for cars, preferring to hang out online instead of 'cruising' together. Which leads to the question: What the hell is wrong with modern American teenagers?  (bbc.co.uk)	(239)
		Parents increasingly hit Google to help pick baby names, particularly to avoid stripper names for their daughters. "I didn't want there to be a Google identity for her to wrestle with"  (nytimes.com)	(264)

		Oh great. Being heir to the throne, fabulously wealthy, and having a beautiful wife should be good enough for just about anyone. Then Prince William has to up the ante by saving drowning sailors  (dailymail.co.uk)	(190)
		Muslim students join Christians to shun evolution because it conflicts with their big book of fairy tales  (dailymail.co.uk)	(425)
(Barrons)		Down 79% from their July high, Netflix shares might be worth purchasing. While we're at it, would you be interested in buying a bridge?  (online.barrons.com)	(77)
		Huffington Post sees if their readers have been as observant as the FARK regulars by running a link to the Fark Weird News Quiz  (huffingtonpost.com)	(0)

U.S. Flag Code, updated: To avoid contact with the flag, it is permissible to grind your pelvis into the buttocks of nearby persons, using your hands to grasp their waist as needed  (nj.com)

(54)

		Police depts aren't interested in solving violent crimes. There's no money to be made. But shaking down people on the street for a joint in their pocket brings dividends  (huffingtonpost.com)	(115)
(Houston Press)		A roundup of some of the delightfully named people that have graced the Harris County (Houston) Texas crime rolls. Their torment is your gain  (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(67)

(PhillyBurbs)		Good: State lets gambling addicts add themselves to list of people barred from casinos. Bad: Casinos let them in anyway, then seize their winnings because they're on the list  (phillyburbs.com)	(56)
		Rolling Stone readers have picked the ten best Van Halen songs, and it's a pretty good li--WHERE THE F*CK IS LOVE WALKS IN? THAT IS THEIR BEST SONG  (rollingstone.com)	(160)
		Sienna Miller: "I would often find myself, at the age of 21, at midnight, running down a dark street on my own with 10 men chasing me. And the fact they had cameras in their hands made that legal"  (cbsnews.com)	(92)
		AT&T pays their bookie $4 billion for losing a bet that they could force the T-Mobile buyout down America's throat. Score one for the little guy  (bloomberg.com)	(24)
		Pet owners using GPS technology to keep track of their animals. If there was only some kind of restraining device owners could buy to keep pets tethered  (yourlife.usatoday.com)	(22)

(Some Vet Guy)		Jack Daniel's is donating $100,000 to pay for travel funds for Soldiers at Fort Campbell, Ky., to spend the December holiday season with their families all over the country  (armytimes.com)	(53)
		Gawker has a ball giving credit to Fark for bringing their attention to a man with size 21 feet  (gawker.com)	(1)
(CFRA)		Occupy Ottawa demonstration broken up by Canadian police in unspeakable orgy of violence: Eight people received tickets, one was helped to hospital and three others had their feelings temporarily hurt  (cfra.com)	(167)
(Some Guy)		Thief steals gift basket being raffled off to raise money for a four-year-old cancer patient. Sees news reports of his asshattery, calls restaurant where raffle was held and tells them it can be found in their parking lot. Still a big asshat  (wtkr.com)	(32)

		The Huffington Post raises its glass to Fark for bringing their attention to a drunk Russian diplomat  (huffingtonpost.com)	(1)
		Florida county wants to ban dogs from using their smartphones as wireless hotspots  (orlandosentinel.com)	(31)
		Couple who named their children Adolf Hitler, Aryan Nation and Honzlynn Hinler have new baby taken by the state. What the heil?  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(127)
		Hewlett-Packard profits down 91%. Company tries desperately to reboot earnings, investors look to cache in their chips  (mercurynews.com)	(37)
		Family claim their five-year old son is haunted by the 'man with grey skin'  (dailymail.co.uk)	(119)

(Some Hot Blonde with Normal Eyes)		What is it with Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants and their inability to maintain long-term relationships?  (digitalspy.com)	(34)
		Outrage over foreclosure firm's Halloween party gives 90 employees something to have in common with their former clientele  (buffalonews.com)	(107)
		Evidently the Daily Mail trusts us to caption their photos, starting with these two shots of Bruce Dickinson  (dailymail.co.uk)	(52)
		Democrats rewrite their MadLibs talking points, replace "Koch Brothers" with "Grover Norquist" under the [Scary Boogeyman] listings  (newsbusters.org)	(175)
(Business Insider)		Business Insider gives Fark credit for directing their attention to a story about Larry Anderson's momentary brain cramp  (businessinsider.com)	(0)

		Will the Rock and Cena connection no-sell everything Awesome Truth throws their way? Will JobMo finish jobbing his way out of the company? Can CM Punk get back the belt he never really lost? It's WWE Survivor Series, 8 PM ET on PPV  (sports.yahoo.com)	(π)
		The good news: the members of the so-called "super-committee" are finally talking with each other. The bad news: they're talking about how to spin their failure  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(194)

		You know Christmas is close when the over the top decorators start posing videos of their displays online. This one makes the Angry Birds angrier  (youtube.com)	(22)
		Huffington Post sees if their readers are as clever as the FARK regulars with a link to the FARK weird news quiz  (huffingtonpost.com)	(3)

(Some Guy)		Alabama enticed Mercedes Benz to build a plant in their state but then arrests their German executives under their new tough immigration laws  (timesfreepress.com)	(289)
		Vegetarian's tips for how you should adapt your Thanksgiving meal to their diet  (mnn.com)	(520)
		Swiss court rules to fine all hikers in the Alps who show their crevasse  (news.com.au)	(49)
		Worms may hold the secret of eternal youth in their genes. Which explains why women look so much better after a bottle of tequila  (abcnews.go.com)	(8)
		Friday Photo Fun Match Game: Match suspects with their respective alias (Opossum, Catfish, Bullfrog, Bull, or Bumblebee)  (thesmokinggun.com)	(7)
(Some Guy)		New Axe commercial features models dressed as angels falling from the sky, tearing off their halos and chasing after a guy walking down the street. Who could possibly have a problem with this? Oh wait  (fashionetc.com)	(189)
		Justin Theroux hates Jennifer Aniston's friendship with Chelsea Handler. This is a sober moment in their relationship... until Chelsea Handler breathes on them, anyway  (celebitchy.com)	(21)
		Oregon Ducks fans show their school spirit by displaying vaginas everywhere  (nytimes.com)	(59)
		Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider discover antimatter particles behave differently from their matter counterparts, likely due to their evil goatees  (news.yahoo.com)	(27)
		Classic cool: Carlos' and Smith's Black Power salute on the Olympic podium in 1968. Forgotten cool: Aussie silver medalist Peter Norman proudly wearing a human rights badge in solidarity with their protest  (life.com)	(27)
		Occupy Boston protestors are either smarter or less motivated than their counterparts in other cities  (bostonherald.com)	(256)
(Some Guy)		The holiday season is officially here now that cops have made their first arrest of someone carrying gift-wrapped packages of marijuana  (kitsapsun.com)	(45)
		Oh, look at that nice piece of abstract art. Why are all those young boys pointing their phones at it?  (cbc.ca)	(55)

Congress calls TSA bloated and ineffective. Fark: Without even a hint of irony in their voices  (travel.usatoday.com)

(220)

		Informer killed by Maoists. In their defense, it is a very difficult song for karaoke  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)	(61)
		Well, at least the Chinese have moved on to rare, plant-based, ingredients for their aphrodisiacs, so that's progress, I guess  (news.yahoo.com)	(78)
		NASA making some extra scratch by renting out their neutral buoyancy pool to an oil company training firm  (chron.com)	(8)
		Valve wants users of Hat Fortress 2 to make holiday hats, presumably so they can keep their team busy delaying Half-Life 3  (g4tv.com)	(55)
(Some Guy)		Not news: Couple busted for having marijuana. Kinda news: Police tipped off by secret photos of stash. FARK: Photos were taken by their sick-of-pot-smoke 11-year-old son  (duluthnewstribune.com)	(341)
		Key witness in Jerry Sandusky sex abuse case changes his story about shower incident after costing four people their jobs. Hopefully they're not butthurt over it  (pennlive.com)	(323)
		In a fight that's sure to last longer than their first bout shown on Fox, UFC sues New York in an effort to overturn ban on live MMA fights  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(51)
		Hamsters that have sex during adolescence may stunt the growth of their reproductive organs. Poor Lemmiwinks  (news.com.au)	(8)
		So how much of their $18bn budget did NASA spend on their first ever recruitment video?  (shortlist.com)	(21)
(Some Circuit Court)		Texas appeals court rules owner of mistakenly euthanized dog can sue for damages based on sentimental value rather than replacement cost. "Dogs are unconditionally devoted to their owners"  (courthousenews.com)	(86)

		Since they're already a joke, the Baltimore Orioles decide to turn their mascot into a cartoon  (sports.yahoo.com)	(63)
		Want proof that the GOP want to tank the economy? They're betting their own money on it  (thinkprogress.org)	(206)
		New study says that when women read men's dating profiles, they primarily judge their prose and cons  (dailymail.co.uk)	(359)
(some chalupa)		They won't serve you in an electric wheelchair at the drive-thru window? Ram that chair into their front doors till they shatter. That's the *Elkhart* way  (abc57.com)	(107)
		Previously conjoined twins leave hospital, now set to go their separate ways  (news.yahoo.com)	(12)
		Lions and tigers' fearsome roars are due to their unique vocal cords. Oh my  (sciencedaily.com)	(5)
		The makers of Kotex tampons say they must recall their product, period  (azcentral.com)	(62)
(OWS)		NYPD decides it's their turn to occupy Wall Street  (occupywallst.org)	(686)
		It's the beginning of the end for Community as NBC puts it on midseason hiatus to make way for the return of 30 Rock. Evil Troy and evil Abed finally get their revenge  (washingtonpost.com)	(137)

		Overpaying for organic heirloom free-range tomatoes is a $7 billion business  (yourlife.usatoday.com)	(46)
		Creepy Sandusky interview from 1987 "I enjoy being around children. I enjoy their enthusiasm I just have a good time with them." Okay, maybe there were red flags we missed  (huffingtonpost.com)	(306)
		Noted liberal mouthpiece Sen. Tom Coburn: "From tax write-offs for gambling losses, vacation homes, and luxury yachts to subsidies for their ranches and estates, the government is subsidizing the lifestyles of the rich and famous"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(127)
(Houston Press)		This one starts with some parents smoking weed with their kids, continues with an argument, a .22 pistol, a baseball bat and a machete. Then a Pakistani immigrant shows up and it gets weird  (houstonpress.com)	(57)
		The percentage of people who lose their jobs due to "Job killing regulations" last year: 0.3%  (washingtonpost.com)	(148)
(CBS Local)		It seems that retailers forgot one small thing about opening their stores at 10PM and Midnight on Thanksgiving: their employees want to spend time with their families on the holiday  (detroit.cbslocal.com)	(218)
		Thanks to unending NRA lobbying, convicted felons are now able to regain their Second Amendment right to own firearms  (nytimes.com)	(392)
		Indianapolis Colts fans, after seeing the 2009 team throw away a chance for a perfect season, may finally get their wish for 16 in a row  (indystar.com)	(58)
		The video game industry's high score for the year is between the people who put ASS and POO as their initials  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(57)

		The red-breasted screeching harpies have begun their migration  (sun-sentinel.com)	(26)
		Just ahead of their IPO, Zynga CEO suddenly decides some of his employees are "under-performing" and have a choice of giving back their stock options or being fired. No word on whether they get an in-game tree as a consolation prize  (news.yahoo.com)	(90)
		Remember that 2010 survey that proved liberals were dumb on economics? Surveyor claims he was wrong: everyone is dumb if the question challenges their bias  (theatlantic.com)	(76)
		Eleven sounds kids have probably never heard in their lives. Because they've always got those damn headphones on and they're always playing with their cell phones. Get off my lawn  (mentalfloss.com)	(373)
		Royal Caribbean lowers drinking age on ships overseas. Promises that any teen who can't handle their alcohol will be put into dry dock  (travel.usatoday.com)	(24)
		The Marlins debut their new stadium and uniforms, and...oh, dear God  (sports.yahoo.com)	(90)
		Why do Rudolph and Frosty have staying power? Their ho, ho, hos?  (ktvz.com)	(21)
(Some Guy)		Camera maker Olympus' kept their investment losses in the darkroom for twenty years. Story developing [Insert Photography Pun]  (digiphotomag.com)	(30)

		A scientific analysis of 400 YouTube videos of dogs chasing their tails  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(11)
		Russia's dreams of Mars end. Luckily, their crippled, toxic fuel-filled probe that's plummeting back to earth should have enough memories for us all  (dailymail.co.uk)	(42)
		Could Pujols, Reyes, and Buehrle all be taking their talents to South Beach?  (sports.yahoo.com)	(60)
		Huffington Post gives their readers a chance to compete with FARK regulars, by giving a link to the FARK weird news quiz. No ... you can't take it again  (huffingtonpost.com)	(0)
(Slanch Report)		Not News: soccer team gets haircuts, Fark: shave QR codes for a betting website into their heads  (slanchreport.com)	(7)

		On Veteran's Day, non-veteran multimillionaire Mitt Romney suggests vets might like a voucher system for their benefits  (rawstory.com)	(160)
		Proving that the long and dark scandinavian nights are REALLY boring, Norway and Finland now arguing about "their" Northern Lights  (spiegel.de)	(57)
(Some Guy)		In an effort to ward off tourists, Malibu residents begin erecting signs alerting world of their dickishness  (losangeles.cbslocal.com)	(84)
		Maintaining their steady focus on job creation, every Republican Senator votes to eliminate net neutrality regulations  (chicagotribune.com)	(282)
(Some Guy)		Parents of fallen Navy SEAL who gave up career as artist to join SEAL Team 6 discover hidden treasure trove of over 150 of his paintings in their barn loft  (wtkr.com)	(76)
(Some Guy)		Moments after lawmakers pass a law to stop global warming, a freak rainstorm drenches their drought-stricken region. Too bad they didn't legalize prostitution  (heraldsun.com.au)	(122)
(Naples Daily News)		Boy Scouts learn valuable lesson in fire safety from their Scout leader as he retires old American flags in one fell swoop  (naplesnews.com)	(39)

		Check out this spiffy ad for "Bojangles Fried Chicken" from their soon to be fired ad agency  (youtube.com)	(61)
		More and more college students are using their heads when picking college majors, choosing ones that will help them get jobs. Philosophy and English departments are said to be very worried  (press-citizen.com)	(299)
		Annual Professor perk is to give your freshman in Human Sexuality assignments to masturbate, draw their breasts, describe their orgasms. 60 year old freshman Karen though had a problem with that  (azcentral.com)	(439)
		Fark would like to thank two intoxicated bowlers and their poor aim in Niagara Falls for kicking off today's Lebowski Thread  (azcentral.com)	(55)
		I ask you, good citizens of the United States: What kind of country would dump the remains of their brave war dead in a landfill? Apparently ours  (washingtonpost.com)	(86)

(Some Studman69)		Herman Cain PAC offers calm support for their candidate against sex harassment allegations. Just kidding, they call the accuser an "ugly b*tch" and claim she works for Taxbama  (hermancainpac.com)	(359)
		"In the 1970s it was common to come up behind women you hardly knew at their desks and massage their bare shoulders while keeping a conversation going the whole time" Therefore, Herman Cain MUST be innocent  (wnd.com)	(348)
		Modern scientists now doing their best work in their 40s and 50s. Younger scientists too busy holding up pants  (businessweek.com)	(35)
		If you have a 2004/2005 Toyota you really should check out their latest steering recall notice, but that's just my pinion  (sfgate.com)	(27)
		University of North Dakota will no longer Sioux NCAA to keep their nickname  (washingtonpost.com)	(97)
		Remember the old joke about 'If Microsoft built cars'? Well they teamed up with Ford and "drivers have to turn off and restart their car and wait for the system to reboot"  (businessweek.com)	(68)
		NASA develops super-black material, can't make up their minds if they want to name it Dolemite or Shaft  (sciencedaily.com)	(137)
(Joe.ie)		Joe.ie gives FARK a big write up as their top website to waste time. "Afternoons can go whizzing by in a flurry of news stories so crazy you'll find yourself continually doubting their veracity"  (joe.ie)	(1)

(Some Guy)		As classy as ever, OWS protestors vandalize street carts when the free food gets shut down. They really showed those rich snobs with their fancy hot dog carts  (losangeles.cbslocal.com)	(720)
		Eviction from a house, but from a grave? Pushed for space, a Spanish cemetery has begun placing stickers on thousands of burial sites with lapsed leases as a warning to relatives that their ancestors face possible eviction  (eitb.com)	(61)
(KOLD - Tucson)		Number of men living with their parents in the U.S. has jumped from "moderate" to "Italian"  (kold.com)	(146)
		Congress upset when White House threatens to reveal their secret earmark requests. Subby upset this isn't already being done  (nationaljournal.com)	(113)
(Portland Online)		"Occupy Portland protesters became enraged when Pizza Schmizza ran out of breadsticks to accompany their order. They threatened to assault employees and vandalize the restaurant"  (portlandonline.com)	(59)
		Microsoft unveils their $50 iPhone killer. No, really  (usatoday.com)	(102)
		From Steve Jobs' biography: a Microsoft engineer kept bragging to him about how their tablet would change the world. "I was so sick of it that I said, 'F*ck this, let's show him what a tablet can really be'"  (newyorker.com)	(80)

(Hero trumps Follow-Up)		After their offices were firebombed for saying that Mohammed would be on their next cover, did Charlie Hebdo: c) Rename the new issue 'Love is Stronger than Hate' and depicted Mohammed making out with their editor?  (businessinsider.com)	(139)
		Facebook group members mail chicken pox infected candy to parents who want to infect their kid with the disease instead of vaccinating. A plague on all their houses  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(250)
		Among their top presidential candidates, one is as electrifying as oatmeal, another is mired in a scandal, and the third is having to deny he was drunk/high during a major speech. Maybe it IS for the GOP time to panic  (news.yahoo.com)	(149)
		Russell Brand and Katy Perry planning vacation to save their sham of a marriage  (celebitchy.com)	(69)
		Wells Fargo actively courting the 1%, making a special bank for people with $50 million or more to their name  (consumerist.com)	(195)
		Penthouse club getting rich off the backs (and fronts) of their employees  (philly.com)	(169)
		After 10 years, SNL finally hits one out of the chapel with their send up of the Kardashian divorce (w/video)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(65)
		Neil Armstrong's Defecation Collection Device is among the items NASA's new guidelines are designed to protect for their cultural, historical and heritage value  (usatoday.com)	(23)

		Can the Colts and Dolphins keep their bizarro-perfect seasons going? Will the Packers provide us with more epic Riversface of Defeat? How will Tebow fail this time? It's the NFL Week 9 thread (games start at 1 PM ET on CBS and Fox)  (scores.espn.go.com)	(4575)
		They might seem like superheroes, but remember ... they put their panties on one incredibly long, shapely leg at a time, just like you do  (life.com)	(41)

		Most people don't ride their motorcycle through Western Syria in the middle of an uprising. But most people aren't this dude  (foreignpolicy.com)	(34)
		Two tiny leopard kittens, who were rescued after being abandoned by their mother during the flooding in Cambodia, have made a full recovery just in time for Caturday  (3news.co.nz)	(1009)
		Harold and Kumar may get their own animated series  (insidetv.ew.com)	(25)
		Huffington Post gives their readers a chance to compete with FARK regulars, by giving a link to the FARK weird news quiz  (huffingtonpost.com)	(0)
		Cash-strapped Scotland Yard tells TV documentary producers that to be featured on any of their programmes, they charge £500 a day and 15% of overseas and merch profits, plus additional fees for use of bikes, cars, dogs and horses, plus VAT  (guardian.co.uk)	(16)
		While most countries store their nuclear weapons in a well-fortified bunker, Pakistan stores their nuclear weapons in a van down by the river  (wired.com)	(115)

		Kentucky GOP candidate clarifies that he's not criticizing Hindus, but he is inviting them to abandon their heathen faith to follow Jesus. So there   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(95)
		Bad idea: hiring actors to play "Taliban" giving up their arms, to impress the U.S. ambassador. Fark: forgetting to tell U.S. security  (kansascity.com)	(13)
		People still like looking at their clocks in public  (washingtonpost.com)	(110)
		Big Ben leads parade of NFL players who wear their wedding bands during games because their wives like it  (espn.go.com)	(51)
		An engaged couple, expecting their first child, have found out they are actually brother and sister. Relax West Virginia...not this time  (myfoxdc.com)	(157)
		Average college graduate's student loans grew 5% in 2010. In other news, that's about the same chance of them ever getting a job to pay off their debt  (nytimes.com)	(64)
		15% of Americans hate Jews. Other 85% afraid of upsetting their masters  (nydailynews.com)	(292)
		3.5 million people still working their way through their stacks of free AOL trial cds  (gizmodo.com)	(69)

(Some Guy)		What happens when parents tell their kids that mommy and daddy ate all of their halloween candy? HILARITY, that's what (video goodness)   (ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com)	(56)
(Public Policy Polling)		Maine Republicans are coming to their senses about primarying Olympia Snowe in 2012  (publicpolicypolling.com)	(68)
		US automakers learned their lesson from 2008 when they were exposed by relying too heavily on truck sales when gas hit $4/gallon. Lesson: The government will save us  (theatlantic.com)	(265)
		Four Georgia senior citizens arrested for plotting to attack Americans with a bio-weapon, wearing unlicensed onions on their belts   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(120)
		Israel sends Iran a little hint by test-firing a missile that can 'tap' them on their shoulders and put a bang in their ear  (reuters.com)	(213)

		Parents went to their child's school to discuss a fight, wind up getting into a fight (w/mugshot that will leave no doubts in your mind)  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)	(128)
		Intelligent aliens could be found by looking for their streetlights. This is not a repeat from a legendary Fark thread  (news.discovery.com)	(31)
		Woman sets fire to another woman's house because "she ended their friendship on Facebook"   (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)	(45)
		Glenn Beck-endorsed "Goldline" execs charged with fraud. In related news, it is now a crime to relieve reactionary halfwits of their money before they can blow it on guns, ammo, and American flag pins   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(138)
		Adding to the pain of the busted Georgia couple who gave their late dog LSD: Their mug shots are now on TSG  (thesmokinggun.com)	(103)
		Lingerie shop has employees wearing tags displaying their cup size so that men shopping for bras don't make boobs of themselves  (thelocal.se)	(92)
		Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. But they draw the line at bumpy roads  (mirror.co.uk)	(19)

		Why does USA Weekend, the Soros-funded liberal agitprop mouthpiece foisted upon Americans every week in their Sunday newspaper, refuse to accuse Boone from "Lost" of being an ecoterrorist?   (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)		Unfortunately for UNC, the jerseys for their game against MSU on USS Carl Vinson have been unveiled  (foxsportsdetroit.com)	(47)
		Cocklers barred from estuary. Subby feels their pain, as he's been barred from being near schools for something like that  (bbc.co.uk)	(12)
		No one knows who they were or what they were doing, but their legacy remains and you can buy it for $300,000  (news.yahoo.com)	(21)
(Some Guy)		Sheriff: Time for Citizens to Arm Themselves, People are tired of doing the right thing and criminals getting away with their actions  (wyff4.com)	(272)
(Some Guy)		Who wouldn't forget about five sticks of dynamite they stored in the trunk of an abandoned car in their backyard?  (wtkr.com)	(14)

		Will we see the Epic Riversface of Defeat, or will the Chefs play like their usual selves? It's the San Diego Chargers vs. the Kansas City Chiefs on Monday Night Football (8:30 PM on ESPN)  (espn.go.com)	(∞)
(MSP Business Journal)		Target announces plans to open stores at midnight on Thanksgiving in an attempt to get shoppers to spend more time in their stores on Black Friday. Of course, time is pretty much the only thing Americans have to spend this Christmas  (bizjournals.com)	(164)

		Mission still not accomplished: U.S. plans post-Iraq troop increase in Persian Gulf including new combat forces in Kuwait capable of re-invading Iraq just as soon as their government collapses  (nytimes.com)	(337)
		Huffington Post gives their readers one more chance to see if they were paying attention, with a link to the FARK weird news quiz  (huffingtonpost.com)	(0)

		So, everyone watched the premieres of Grimm and Chuck last night. Naw, just kidding, everyone was watching the World Series. Now next week, Fox will see their ratings win decline as Fringe will be back  (insidetv.ew.com)	(48)
		HA HA Quakers are letting Occupy protesters use their restrooms  (articles.philly.com)	(121)
(Some Banker)		Some people are happy if they find a few coins in their couch cushions, Germany just found 55 billion Euro hidden by an accounting error  (moneycontrol.com)	(30)

		Party of seven had 18% tip added to their bill and have a problem with that  (consumerist.com)	(316)
		A band of Marine brothers storm Reddit to voice their anger at the life-threatening injury inflicted by Oakland police on their brother, 24-year-old Iraqi war veteran Scott Olsen  (mediabistro.com)	(919)
		Michael Moore will throw his weight behind Occupy Oakland protesters, eat their lunches  (mercurynews.com)	(78)

		GOP presidential candidates are asked their favorite movies, and the results are exactly what you'd expect: Herman Cain? The Godfather. Michelle Bachmann? Braveheart. RON PAUL? NONE, MOVIES AREN'T IN THE CONSTITUTION  (washingtontimes.com)	(347)
		Some conspiracy theorists have a problem with the "Asian chicks are so limber that they can tie their hands and feet together and then hang themselves" reasoning in Zahu suicide finding  (abcnews.go.com)	(92)
(WSB TV)		Family says "aw hell no" to fire consuming their 3rd floor apartment, tosses infant to rescuers, lowers toddler via rope, then climbs down the outside of the building "like they were Spiderman"  (wsbtv.com)	(36)
(NCRM)		Australian MP demands that gays stop the heterophobic attacks on him and his values of traditional marriage, and to stop trying to impose their own values on him. Man, the Onion always kills me...wait, it's not the Onion?   (thenewcivilrightsmovement.com)	(52)
		Just how do the top 400 richest Americans make their money?  (dailykos.com)	(179)
(SNY)		Listening to concerns that their losing is due in part to their deep outfield demensions, the Mets respond by changing their outfield walls to blue. World Champions. 2012. Book it. Done  (metsblog.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		You'll be apathetic to know that someone has finally clued the NBA into their place in the sports world, and all of the sudden we might have a deal by next week  (ken-berger.blogs.cbssports.com)	(146)
		His team's opportunity to defend their world championship will most likely be squandered, but that's not taking away from Mark Cuban's ability to go to karaoke and sing "Purple Rain" (video)  (deadspin.com)	(15)

		Radioactive used cars now being sold in Japan. Oh, those Japanese and their crazy brand of try-anything consumerism  (nbclosangeles.com)	(49)
		In honor of Rush releasing their live DVD shot in Cleveland, here's the opening video to the concert, plus 'Tom Sawyer' and all the usual air drumming seen at their shows  (rollingstone.com)	(50)
		Kadafi's family to sue NATO for the willful murder of their beloved murderer  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(105)
(Some Guy)		Christian radio host warns parents that lesbian nurses will make their kids gay  (wisconsingazette.com)	(198)

(Geekosystem)		To the left, a cool story about a one-armed guy who had his cellphone implanted in his prosthetic arm. To the right, every gadget that Farkers would want in -their- prosthetic arms  (geekosystem.com)	(85)
		How the one percenters have the legal system wrapped around their well manicured fingers  (motherjones.com)	(98)
		Occupy Wall Street apparently thinks organic farmers aren't part of their 99%  (gothamist.com)	(178)
		Kirk Cameron's sad birthday party photo was misleading because there was a huge crowd of friends standing behind the camera. They do exist; you can't see them but their presence is very real. Why can't you just take it on faith?  (news.yahoo.com)	(131)
		Netflix lost 800,000 subscribers in the 3rd quarter fo this year-But their earnings rose 65%. So maybe they didn't need your whiny, entitled, account-sharing ass as much as you thought  (news.yahoo.com)	(167)
		Gawker sees nothing wrong with crediting Fark for directing their attention to a story about a guy who did nothing wrong  (gawker.com)	(1)
		Texas Instruments warns their fourth quarter may have an E at the end  (cnbc.com)	(26)
(Winnipeg Free Press)		Illuminati symbols on American currency? Canadians up the ante by finding sex toys, naked women and secret codes on their new bills  (winnipegfreepress.com)	(101)
		NYC Transit President thinks that the subway doesn't need garbage cans and that riders will simply throw their trash out before entering the system. Rats enjoying the buffet on platforms and the tracks agree  (nydailynews.com)	(80)
		Salma Hayek and two very special guests bounce their way onto Letterman  (gawker.com)	(116)

(Some Cheesehead)		Wisconsin town wants to ban cyclists and pedestrians from using public roads unless they register their travel plans in advance. In other news, there's a place in Wisconsin where people are fit enough to bike or walk  (articles.businessinsider.com)	(151)
		Libyans have listened to the carefully voiced concerns of the world's bleeding hearts, have deliberately weighed the ramifications of their actions, and have an answer: We don't give a flying fark how Muammar Gaddafi died  (time.com)	(212)
		Will the Ravens murder their opponents, or do the Jaguars stand a chance at winning a second game this season? It's Monday Night Football on ESPN (Game starts at 8:30 PM)  (espn.go.com)	(1432)
		Swiss banks drop the "secret" from their bank accounts. Let's see if the Top 1% in the U.S. notice, because the IRS sure as hell will  (bloomberg.com)	(25)

		Gawker lifts a glass to Fark for directing their attention to a story about a liquor store accident  (gawker.com)	(1)
		Congress extends assistance to the beleaguered wealthy of America, again. This time, it's for the mortgages of their mansions  (theatlantic.com)	(80)
		While Americans are still arguing amongst themselves over whether they think muslims are sophisticated enough to handle democracy, Tunisia just held their first actual free election  (reuters.com)	(85)
		Despite all their rage, Highwood believes they may have broken the smashing pumpkin record. Finally, our long national nightmare is over. Today truly must be the greatest day they have ever known  (chicagotribune.com)	(22)
		New lawsuit claims that Poison stole their songs from some bar band. Someone actually wants to take credit for writing Poison's songs?  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(43)
		This video is for the person who wants to bring out their inner asshole and find out that if they laugh, they will indeed not only go to hell, but own the bus station that charters the buses that drive people to hell. (Not safe for work)  (youtube.com)	(64)

(Rugby World Cup)		Will New Zealand finally end their 24 year RWC drought or will France dash their hopes? Your official Rugby World Cup final discussion  (rugbyworldcup.com)	(71)
		One night in Bangkok and the water's flowing / Canals divert the flood into the sea / One night in Bangkok and you'll soon start rowing / Residents are wading, it's up to their knees / It could be six weeks before it all recedes  (washingtonpost.com)	(112)
		With all the publicity about people writing letters to their 16-year old selves, what would you tell your 16-year old self, knowing what you know now?  (fark.com)	(689)

		So turns out the "47%" do pay their "fair share" of taxes and a lot more. They even include a informative picture for the GOP impaired   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(194)
		Police have arrested five teenagers for throwing pumpkins off a bridge earlier this month. They believe the five were bored out of their gourd  (qctimes.com)	(30)
		Madison Square Garden shows off the first round of their renovations just in time for the start of the Knicks season. One little problem  (nypost.com)	(11)
		Wal-Mart cuts some of their health plans. They had a health plan? I thought their policy on employee health was "Die. You are easily replaced"  (cnbc.com)	(47)
		It only took Universal Orlando twelve years to realize having two intertwined roller coasters that speed along their tracks at up to 60 mph and pass within 18 inches of each other might be dangerous  (palmbeachpost.com)	(71)
(Some Guy)		Drunken museum visitors decide to put on their own exhibit (with mugshot ... goodness?)  (wyff4.com)	(19)

(Some Guy)		It's taken more than a decade, but Metallica has finally figured out a way to keep people from stealing their music  (loureedmetallica.com)	(75)
		Iran rejects UN report on 'rights abuses' claiming the evidence is poorly sourced, outdated, and they can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few shops in their time  (english.aljazeera.net)	(18)
(Some Guy)		Good: School calls parents to say the bus carrying their special-needs children home will be a little late. Fark: Does not tell them it's because the driver passed out, crossed oncoming traffic and crashed into a tree  (wtkr.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)		School lets six-year-old named Cloud drift away, out of their building, across a four-lane highway and into a neighborhood while his mother waits in the office to pick him up  (wtkr.com)	(96)
		Sometimes scientific pioneers are jailed because their ideas are revolutionary and misunderstood. Other times they are jailed for defecating on an electric heater  (myfoxdc.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)		Yet more evidence that Republicans only pay attention to the last five words their leaders say  (colbertnation.com)	(48)
		Well, it's one month before their Thanksgiving deadline, and so far the debt Supercommittee has accomplished...absolutely nothing  (washingtonpost.com)	(65)
		"Every time I go to bed with some guy, I'm looking at my dad's name on their underwear"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(41)

		Our long national nightmare is over: Notre Dame has found the right shade of gold for their football helmets  (chicagotribune.com)	(23)
		A $3 million dollar mobile mansion that does 93mph? This is why people vote against their own economic interests  (gizmag.com)	(48)
		ATTENTION FARK KNITTERS: A bunch of penguins in New Zealand urgently need you to knit them tiny little sweaters. Their life pretty much depends on it. Please help  (gothamist.com)	(156)
		Crack team of journalists believe that Google probably bought Motorola for their patents  (news.cnet.com)	(20)
		Obama endorses changes to the Sarbanes-Oxley Act to once again allow companies to pilfer employee pensions and rape shareholders of their investments to pad the balance sheet. Change is good?  (theglobeandmail.com)	(63)
(The Province)		The Province (Canada) lists FARK'S hilarious NFL headline as a highlight of their Morning Briefing column  (theprovince.com)	(0)

		10 single episodes that embody their entire TV series. Fahrbot suggestions to the right  (io9.com)	(220)
		Saints drop to a mere seven places above the team (with the same record) who beat them last Sunday; 49ers have their highest ranking since before Steve Young's very first concussion. It's your Week 7 NFL Power Rankings  (espn.go.com)	(241)
		Remember the Amish haircut terrorists? Here are their mugshots   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(44)
		The Bears, who have been dragging their feet about resigning Matt Forte, may want to move quickly, as at least two teams have expressed an interest in him. But that would require a Chicago sports team to be smart, which is impossible  (chicagotribune.com)	(71)
		Anthony Bourdain interviewed for Playboy, reaffirms his hatred for vegans, recommends men cook omelets for their ladies: "You look good doing it, and it's a nice thing to do for somebody you just had sex with"  (content.usatoday.com)	(255)
(PFT)		While the media's been busy drooling all over their latest rookie sensation, Andy Dalton's been outplaying Cam Newton   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(129)

(Rhymes with Montreal Gazette)		"If you start breaking Christians up into their smaller groups, non-believers come close to being the dominant religion, if you can call no religion a religion. That's like calling not collecting stamps a hobby"  (montrealgazette.com)	(225)
		L'Oreal billionaire Liliane Bettencourt loses control of her heir  (bbc.co.uk)	(38)
		McDonald's launching their own TV channel. Look for The Hamburglar Diaries, The Walking Grimace, and Ronald McDonald House, MD next spring  (chicagotribune.com)	(89)

Not News: Hollywood movie about the navy SEALs. Farkin Awesome: All SEALs in the film played by actually Farkin SEALs, who wrote their own action scenes. Cool trailer  (hotair.com)

(85)

		People are lining up in Los Angeles to stuff themselves with foie gras ahead of the coming California foie gras ban. Soon their livers will be rich and succulent  (nytimes.com)	(189)
		Couple films live sex sessions to pay the bills, support their 20-month-old daughter. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this (w/pics)  (abcnews.go.com)	(145)
		Not news: Starting your day with a cup of coffee & a cigarette. Fark: A 2-year old starting their day with a cup of coffee & a cigarette (w/photos)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(44)

		New poll finds that almost one tenth of parents regret the name they've given their child. Subby is certain the numbers would be much higher if celebrities had been included  (shine.yahoo.com)	(370)
		Taking a break from divisive politics, Pajamas Media extends an olive branch to their ideologically opposite brethren with this heartwarming, contrite think piece titled "Why Left-Wing Artists Should Not All Be Put to Death"  (pajamasmedia.com)	(75)
		Limbaugh: 70% of Republicans don't want Romney as their candidate, according to his super-secret-squirrel poll  (newsmax.com)	(101)
		News Corp and Discovery listed as two companies most likely to start a prostitution business out of their home, slide across the floor in their underwear  (cnbc.com)	(8)
		With over 14 million Americans out of work, manufacturers can't understand why people aren't breaking down their doors to apply for an entry-level position that requires 10 years of experience  (cnbc.com)	(182)
		Discover cardholders can now use their cash back at Amazon. In other news, there are people that still use Discover  (usatoday.com)	(30)
		November 5th is Bank Transfer Day, where everyone will take their money out of big banks and put them in credit unions and small local banks. Sure, this will mean they'll become the new big banks, but WE'LL SHOW THEM  (consumerist.com)	(271)
(Olney Daily Mail)		Some women celebrate their birthday with shopping, eating, or romantic nonsense. They obviously haven't heard about the annual Squirrel Count in Olney, Illinois  (olneydailymail.com)	(21)
(Poynter)		Dow Jones disputes Guardian's account of Wall Street Journal ELP scandal, says they would like it to be known the exhibits that were shown were exclusively all their own, all their own, all their own  (poynter.org)	(20)
		Last week it was Barnes and Noble, this week it's Books-a-Million pulling DC Comics from their shelves because DC signed an exclusive deal with Amazon. If you listen closely, you can hear Joe Quesada laughing  (comicsalliance.com)	(56)

		Five things the Milwaukee Brewers must improve after their Game 2 blowout. Six if you include "Get the hell out of Wisconsin"  (bleacherreport.com)	(32)
		US Soccer continues their strong run of form under new coach Jurgen Klinsmann. Just kidding, they lost again last night and have only scored two goals in five games  (msn.foxsports.com)	(64)
		Kansas City Chiefs loosen up before games like any professional sports team, by dropping their beanbags into each others' cornholes  (espn.go.com)	(45)
		People are not happy that the frat houses in their neighborhood keep burning down. "The proof is in the pudding, and in this case, it's a flaming figgy pudding"  (nola.com)	(46)
		Huffington Post tests their readers' weird IQ with a link to the FARK weekly quiz  (huffingtonpost.com)	(3)
		Add Senator Claire McCaskill to the long list of former supporters who were...uh...washing their hair when Barry came a callin'  (news.yahoo.com)	(72)
		Saudi Arabia says Iran will "pay the price" for that trying to kill their ambassador thingee. Hey isn't the penalty for attempted murder beheading? How would they behead an entire coun-- oh  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(137)
(Some Real Guy)		Vancouver restaurant bans peeing while standing up because of the men-can't-aim problem for their one unisex bathroom  (blogs.vancouversun.com)	(92)
		Yes, building a company around FarmVille was dumb, and things were looking grim for Zynga's $1B IPO until they hit upon this key idea: Create more of their unique brand of crappy, boring games, only without Facebook dragging them down  (gawker.com)	(27)
		In surprising new study 80% of teen boys used a condom the first time they had sex. What's more surprising is why they were concerned about catching an STD on their hand  (cbsnews.com)	(40)
(Derry Journal)		Not news: teenage girls go riding around at high speed. News: around two countries. Fark: in a stolen hearse, driven by one of their dads  (derryjournal.com)	(11)
		Won't SOMEBODY please think of the poor starving European bankers and their insanely inflated bonuses?  (bloomberg.com)	(6)
(Some Guy)		While the Packers are selling stock to raise funds for improvements to their stadium, the Vikings have decided the public doesn't need a say in where the funds come from  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(60)
		Five reasons the Occupy movement has right wingers soiling their pants  (huffingtonpost.com)	(691)