Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Man's best friend eats girl's best friend  (nydailynews.com)	(91)

David Schwimmer may propose to his British girlfriend, which is sorta like what happened on Friends, only in this instance his girlfriend can't read about it online and spoil the surprise  (contactmusic.com)

(23)

Man walks in on his girlfriend having sex with two other men and kills all three of them. Subby liked how this scenario ended last night on Cinemax better  (nypost.com)

(242)

Where does "starring in a romantic comedy with your ex-girlfriend" fall on the awkward scale?  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)

(44)

		A Mississippi high school takes the occasion of a lesbian student wanting to attend prom with her girlfriend and wear a tuxedo as a chance to teach everyone a lesson on tolerance. Nah, just kidding, they cancelled the whole damn thing  (news.yahoo.com)	(444)
(Some Beard)		Mario Lopez and his girlfriend are expecting their first child. Lopez says when he finds the guy responsible he's going to kick his ass    (digitalspy.com)	(29)

		Man strangles his girlfriend to death and then tries to kill himself by drinking bleach and slashing his wrists. Of course, he went across the street and not down the block  (press-citizen.com)	(85)
		You'll be happy to know that TSA screener feeling up your daughter isn't really into her -- he already has a 14 year old girlfriend named "Kitten"  (bostonherald.com)	(100)

		Ronnie Wood is going to marry his 30 year old Brazilian model girlfriend this summer, because he's Ronnie Wood, and you're not  (contactmusic.com)	(35)
		President Obama doesn't seem to have any close friends among foreign leaders. He does have a girlfriend who's a model in Canada, but you wouldn't know her  (americanthinker.com)	(121)
		What's worse than kidnapping your girlfriend? Kindapping your girlfriend and taking her to Wal-Mart  (nwfdailynews.com)	(32)

(Charleston Daily Mail)

Boy shoots dog (bad). Boy is sentenced to jail (good). Boy is allowed out for Hank Williams, Jr. concert because his girlfriend spent a lot of money on the tickets (wtf?)  (dailymail.com)

(207)

		For the record, carving "I luv Mike Welliver" into a tree trunk can be considered romantic gesture. Carving it into your girlfriend's chest, not so much  (daytondailynews.com)	(47)
		If you're going to tell a guy the vivid details of how you had sex with his ex girlfriend, make sure he's not back together with her. In related news: The Australian term for smashing a glass in someone's face is "glassing"  (news.com.au)	(74)

(Some Guy)

The Old Spice guy's real-life girlfriend: "When I watch the commercial I don't know what to do. I look at you in the ad telling me to look at my man, and then I look at my man and it's you"  (thefrisky.com)

(131)

Silvio Berlusconi, who passed a law against prosecuting him for his crimes, who has an 18-year-old girlfriend, and who owns six out of seven of Italy's television networks, has declared that his legal foes are akin to the Taleban  (news.bbc.co.uk)

(47)

(Some Guy)

Trying to use the old, "I accidentally shot my girlfriend while cleaning my gun" excuse works better if you only shot her one time  (timesnews.net)

(97)

Subby doesn't know what's more amazing; that somebody somewhere said "you know who needs a movie made about them? Eva Braun, Hitler's special lady friend," or that somebody else somewhere agreed  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)

(56)

Gallup Poll: 4 in 5 Americans have 6-digit salary executive positions and supermodel girlfriends  (articles.moneycentral.msn.com)

(66)

When your girlfriend yells at you for not shaving, just tell her you're celebrating Bearduary  (time.com)

(28)

Youth convicted of burglary after breaking into house to set up bedroom for sexy tryst with his girlfriend  (nzherald.co.nz)

(36)

(My Fox)		Genetics replaces Long Island Ice Tea as the primary reason for why your girlfriend is a slut    (myfoxatlanta.com)	(173)
(Some Guy)		After Indiana Senator Evan Bayh's term is up, some people want to see another politically-savvy, intellectual replace him. Naturally, Playboy Playmate and former Hef girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson comes to mind  (popeater.com)	(28)

		Bad news, ladies: Leonardo DiCaprio is getting married  (contactmusic.com)	(73)
		When cheating on your famous girlfriend, make sure you don't leave your mistress at home alone with a video camera so she can post a video tour of your house on YouTube  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(27)
		If you oversleep and are late meeting your bail bondsman to turn yourself in for violating probation for domestic violence, you probably shouldn't punch your girlfriend in the face for not waking you up in time  (tampabay.com)	(78)
		Oregon football player arrested for choking his girlfriend, but an Oregon player choking should come as no surprise to anyone who watched the Rose Bowl  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(49)

If you're gonna run a weed growing operation in your house, calling the cops on your live-in suicidal girlfriend might not be a good idea  (tcpalm.com)

(43)

		70% of World of Warcraft players get girlfriends before reaching level 10  (ve3d.ign.com)	(175)
		"The shoe is believed to have pierced his eye, passed through his eye socket and touched his brain"  (telegraph.co.uk)	(143)

Although she lives in a state that allows gay marriage, TV pundit Rachel Maddow says she and her girlfriend don't want to get married, but like having the option of putting the Subaru in both their names if they want    (usaweekend.com)

(132)

Humans are basically self-domesticated apes. Your girlfriend wants you back on your leash  (npr.org)

(40)

		If you can imagine what'd happen in Jeter had an affair with Melky Cabrera's girlfriend that ended in an abortion, that's essentially what's going on in England today. Naturally, the Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk)	(70)
		Hypnotist used mind control to make his girlfriend like curry. Way to spice things up, man  (thesun.co.uk)	(94)

If you look really close at Tila Tequila's pregnancy ultrasound, the kid is already holding an appletini  (deceiver.com)

(35)

(Eagle Tribune)		If you complain about city-bought office supplies being used in the mayoral campaign, expect to be laid-off when the guy who used them wins  (eagletribune.com)	(15)
		Not news: You break up with your girlfriend. News: You're a D.C. Superior Court Magistrate and a lesbian. Fark: Your stalker ex is found unconscious in your attic with food and an ice bucket fashioned into a makeshift toilet  (washingtonpost.com)	(130)

		Subby shocked to learn that his 18 year old nubile, pneumatic, nymphomaniac, broadminded Swedish cheerleader on-line girlfriend may not be who he actually says he is  (news.com.au)	(126)
		With Brown's victory, odds of health care reform have been downgraded to somewhere between "Cubs win World Series" and "Submitter gets a girlfriend"    (slate.com)	(404)

This Valentine's Day, White Castle fast food restaurants offer you a sure-fire way to break up with your girlfriend  (suntimes.com)

(112)

(KTLA)

Man accused of murdering girlfriend at tattoo parlor tells police he got tired of her needling him  (ktla.com)

(14)

If you're going to do something conspicuous like follow your girlfriend into the ladies room to help her out of her trousers because she just varnished her nails, leave your weed behind  (lep.co.uk)

(26)

Hefner says "Too Old"  (dlisted.com)

(51)

Man uses math to explain girlfriend woes. Subby thinks the fact that he's using math to explain it explains it  (myfoxla.com)

(115)

		Best news you'll get on a Monday: Pussycat Dolls singer Nicole Scherzinger back on market after splitting from F1 driver Lewis Hamilton. Subby would pit it, fuel it from his nozzle in under ten seconds  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(43)
		This man wanted to join his girlfriend in her jail cell. To do so, he called 911 claiming he'd crashed his car into a house. And that his cat had attacked him. And that someone was going to shoot up the police station  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(14)
(Some Frozen Guy)		Jumping in a river is not the best way to end an argument with your girlfriend  (pjstar.com)	(54)

		Days after her lover's death, Tila Tequila is posing in skimpy outfits, showing off her cleavage, posting bizarre internet messages, and trying to cash in on the tragedy. Hey, we all grieve differently  (dailymail.co.uk)	(83)
(North Country Gazette)		When your girlfriend says she's making you a wine coolant, don't drink it  (northcountrygazette.org)	(104)

(The Sun News)		Rule #2 when arguing with a your batshiat crazy, steam iron wielding girlfriend: Don't taunt her with crackers and/or loose change  (thesunnews.com)	(98)
(Missoulian)		Rule #1 when arguing with a your batshiat crazy, hatchet wielding drunk girlfriend: Don't  (missoulian.com)	(254)

		Dear Dad: Thanks for paying for my graduate school. I couldn't have done it without you, so please come to my graduation. But don't bring your skanky girlfriend. Kthxbai  (washingtonpost.com)	(345)
		Vince Vaughn marries his girlfriend. Will Ferrell inconsolable  (contactmusic.com)	(46)

		Jay-Z has offered to overproduce Robbie Williams' wedding    (contactmusic.com)	(12)
		Matthew McConaughey's long-time girlfriend Camilla Alves gives birth to baby girl; which is, like, you know, something he's totally, like, stoked about  (starpulse.com)	(19)
		Gamer pays $300,00 for virtual space station. His imaginary girlfriend is impressed  (videogames.yahoo.com)	(49)

What's this guy saying to his girlfriend?  (img.thesun.co.uk)

(165)

If you shoot the guy who made a drugged sextape with your girlfriend of half your age who you met through banging her mother you shouldn't claim to be an Outlaw when you aren't because they will send their Greek lawyer after you  (theledger.com)

(98)

Rosie O'Donnell is reportedly dating a mother of six. Well, at least you know she puts out  (nydailynews.com)

(47)

Zac Efron gave his girlfriend/co-star Vanessa Hudgens something fruity for her birthday. Other than himself, that is  (starpulse.com)

(57)

My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw the son of Obama's friend pass out in Hawaii last night. I guess it's pretty serious  (thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com)

(155)

(Failure)		If you're going to firebomb your ex-girlfriend's house, make sure you know where she lives  (failuremag.com)	(31)
		Man pays for half page newspaper ad to write his ex-girlfriend a love letter. Dude, she's just not into you  (mysanantonio.com)	(127)

USC running back Joe McKnight seen driving a SUV (which he denies driving) that was given to his girlfriend by the guy who runs "USC Marketing" and owns www.4joemcknight.com. Nothing shady going on here at all  (sports.espn.go.com)

(80)

		Tila Tequila calls Jessica Simpson a "waste of space." Something about a pot and a kettle  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(93)
		Man waiting for teller in a bank decides to text his girlfriend that there's a man with a gun inside. Swarms of responding police officers think that joke is jailarious  (cbs2chicago.com)	(116)

(AnnArbor.com)

Guy who landed on sex offender registry for having sex with his 15 year-old girlfriend when he was 17 now faces a year in jail for playing basketball in his own driveway  (annarbor.com)

(348)

		Mickey Rourke gets engaged to 24-year-old girlfriend, which reportedly gave even Marilyn Manson the chills  (celebitchy.com)	(75)
		Ronnie Wood's ex-girlfriend opens fortune cookie: "Don't bore your friends with your troubles"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(16)
(Us Magazine)		Hulk Hogan gets engaged to a big blonde who looks like his daughter, Brooke. That's creepy, brother  (usmagazine.com)	(99)

Nicole Kidman says if she ever quits acting, she'll be an interior designer. Huh. I hadn't realized she'd started acting  (contactmusic.com)

(68)

(officer.com)		Butterfingered goober, being a smartie, tried to skor a hat and two Whatchamacallits from a police station. His fast break failed and he's in mounds of trouble. His airhead girlfriend also got some snickers and a time-out    (officer.com)	(27)
(Roll Call)		Some men buy the woman they're having an affair with a ring or necklace, Senator Max Baucus tries to get his girlfriend a Federal appointment  (rollcall.com)	(61)

		Dundee girlfriend does what any Scotswoman would do in her place  (thescottishsun.co.uk)	(128)
(Some Guy)		Man kills his second girlfriend because she wouldn't help him dispose of his first girlfriend's body  (ktla.com)	(82)

		Man to marry his virtual girlfriend this weekend. Newlyweds will honeymoon at resort basement with a window view outside  (foxnews.com)	(120)
		Dear gamers without girlfriends: You're fine, trust me  (break.com)	(121)

		And if thy ex-girlfriend's eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from the 8th-floor balcony  (dailymail.co.uk)	(120)
(Some Guy)		Two girls make 1st Cornhole Cup a success  (sbc.edu)	(60)

		Imaginary Apple tablet gets imaginary new display and an imaginary delay to its imaginary launch date, much to the dismay of Apple users and their imaginary girlfriends  (wired.com)	(41)
		The girlfriend of Stanford's Heisman Trophy candidate Toby Gerhart says "he's one big muscle" (With photos of her. Not the muscle.)  (sportsbybrooks.com)	(54)
		Kate Hudson is uncomfortable taking about her relationship with Alex Rodriguez. Probably because she doesn't want to testify in front of the inevitable grand jury  (contactmusic.com)	(41)