Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Congratulations, GlaxoSmithKline just bought your family business for $2.9 billion, what are you going to do now? "I'm going to donate it to atheism"  (newsobserver.com)	(277)
		Former mayor and his family have been terrorized by the shirtless, swearing jogger. "My kids, then 2 and 4, were petrified," he said. "They're still scared of this guy"  (seacoastonline.com)	(46)
		Oh, it's a banner farking day at the old Bender family; a new pill can halt the damage cigarettes cause to your lungs, so smoke up Johnny  (io9.com)	(125)

		Jesse James issues public apology to Sandra Bullock and her family; says the "vast majority" of allegations against him are "untrue and unfounded"  (starpulse.com)	(95)
		Tim Burton to make a stop-motion, 3D Addams Family movie. Subby will give you three guesses at who plays Gomez and Morticia, but you'll only need two  (slashfilm.com)	(126)
		Cutest pics you'll see today of a Persian cat taking a dip in the family pool  (couriermail.com.au)	(93)

		While "Modern Family" gets all the praise, ABC's other family sitcom, "The Middle," isn't that bad: The dad isn't a buffoon and they're middle-class schlubs like us  (theatlantic.com)	(110)
		Almost half of family practice doctors, who are already treated by government and insurers like they work for nothing, feel that health care reform will force them out of medicine  (hotair.com)	(336)

Three things you didn't know about Supreme Court Justice Stevens: he witnessed Babe Ruth's called shot, enlisted the day before Pearl Harbor, and a Chicago hotel still bears his family initial  (newyorker.com)

(58)

(AFA)

American Family Association: "Part of being an adult is learning to tolerate speech you don't like." Super Bowl Nipple unavailable for comment  (onenewsnow.com)

(99)

Contrary to what many people may believe, the Tea Party's motto is "fiscal responsibility, limited government, and free markets" with little or no mention of God, life and family. You betcha'  (nytimes.com)

(304)

(Some Wife With a Black Eye)

Conservative family values legislator gets arrested a second time for beating his wife  (bismarcktribune.com)

(67)

(Some Guy)		State of Michigan spends $1.15 million to develop novel Web application that lets users create their own space to keep in touch with friends and family. Why didn't someone thing of that before?  (govtech.com)	(77)
(wusa9.com)		Parents upset that children's TV network will air a show at 8PM which covers pole dancing, sex, violence, and a family dog that has "an extraordinarily large anus"  (wusa9.com)	(105)

Denying tax breaks to films that "exhibit or imply any act of smoking, sex, nudity, nontraditional family values, gratuitous violence, or vulgar or profane language"? You know which state this is  (slashfilm.com)

(90)

		Christian Bale hasn't spoken to his f*cking family for eighteen f*cking months, not that those stupid shiatheads deserve it  (contactmusic.com)	(57)
		Remember the "Family Values" Republican who got arrested drunk driving outside of a gay club? Well it turns out he IS gay, but that's not your business, so please don't ask him about it  (sfgate.com)	(206)

The Clinton family thinking about putting their little one into a Jewish Marriage Ceremony. Bill reminded the last time he put his little one into something Jewish, it didn't turn out so good    (google.com)

(44)

If you're a landlord and you want to order the intentional torching of your building, the least you can do is make sure that the family of seven up in the attic isn't home at the time  (chicagobreakingnews.com)

(52)

		If this Haitian family moves into your neighborhood, you might want to update your earthquake insurance policy  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(52)
		After being charged with aggravated assault and drawing a gun on a family because of road rage, woman quits her job. As a police officer  (qctimes.com)	(57)
		"Family values" Republican legislator arrested for DUI after drinking at gay nightclub  (cbs13.com)	(174)

(Lohud.com)

NJ family takes down snow Venus de Milo after complaints that it wasn't orange enough  (lohud.com)

(112)

(WHIO Dayton)

When babysitting grandchild, do you... a) See a movie, b) Go the park, c) Stage a hostage situation in a metropolitan area  (whiotv.com)

(29)

Family of 3-year-old who died in a freak car accident sues the driver's wife's parents, the dealership, the electric company, other dead victim's families and basically anyone within a mile of the accident  (denverpost.com)

(281)

The president of the company is named Toyoda, but their product, which is named after the family, is called Toyota. Why? Here comes the Japanese science  (washingtonpost.com)

(55)

		You know your family has issues when a judge has to order your Mom's ashes divided in half because you and your siblings can't even agree on where to scatter them  (abcnews.go.com)	(47)
		Family finds box containing mementos of their deceased mother's first husband, including his Purple Heart and Silver Star from Korea with letter signed by Harry Truman, and a photo of her with hole made by the bullet that killed him  (helenair.com)	(150)

		'They have called me the mother of all scroungers but I couldn't care less. I have 17 kids and 14 of them still living here'  (express.co.uk)	(52)
		Mother and son kidnapping team is further proof that the family that preys together stays together  (chron.com)	(19)
		Remember the Lockerbie bomber who was released from prison because he had three months to live and wanted to be with his family? That was six months ago and he's living it up in a luxury villa. "His condition has not deteriorated"  (telegraph.co.uk)	(113)

		"Family Guy" to end the season with an hour-long Star Wars episode, with the only change being Princess Leia now has Down Syndrome  (weblogs.variety.com)	(84)
		How did the Kardashian family become "an inescapable cultural and commercial force" so quickly and without one-tenth of the talent God gives the middle-school lead in a production of "The Music Man?"  (latimes.com)	(58)

The top 400 families in America earned an average of $345 million in income last year, up 31% from the year before. That's half the total that the bottom 25 million Americans made  (yglesias.thinkprogress.org)

(864)

Recent topics from Avatar forums including 'What would Naavi think of Family Guy' and 'Gay Naavi, is it possible'  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)

(76)

(Some Guy)		A tardy Sarah Palin finally gets around to voicing her disapproval of Family Guy on the internet  (thedailybeast.com)	(267)
		Florida man, dressed in gold necklaces and driving a Lexus, wonders why no one accepted his family in Hazelton, North Dakota. "People thought I was a drug dealer"  (abcnews.go.com)	(240)

		Australian PM Kevin Rudd thinks young women getting Ph.Ds is an "excuse" to avoid starting families  (smh.com.au)	(265)
		"Family Guy" made fun of Sarah Palin's mentally disabled son tonight, and Facebook prepares for the Kanye West-level rant that she is about to unleash  (tv.gawker.com)	(258)

		Title: "Pondering a Congress without the Kennedy family" Subtext: Do you really want Massachusetts representatives being *sober* during their votes?  (boston.com)	(31)
(ktla.com)		Family dog stolen from its owners after a car accident. So begins the War on Terrier  (ktla.com)	(63)

(Some Guy)

California family finds homes for over two dozen feral cats and kittens, just in time for Caturday  (sanluisobispo.com)

(736)

Jury takes less than 50 minutes to acquit man who sliced off the ear of an intruder who threatened his family. He's free to Van Gogh  (thesun.co.uk)

(136)

(WLBZ2.com)

Dog saves family from a fire the cat started. At least that's his story  (wlbz2.com)

(67)

(Some shower hog)		American "Family" Association claims gays showering with straights creates "hostile work environment" for military. Getting shot at apparently doesn't qualify as "hostile" enough  (afa.net)	(309)
		Family receives stocked antique liquor cabinet as a gift. Family has never heard of the terms "lock installation"  (mcall.com)	(262)

The Snowpacalypse may have virtually paralyzed the eastern Seaboard, but that ain't gonna cancel an afternoon of beer, wings, and football at the White House for 4 dozen wounded vets and their families  (news.yahoo.com)

(26)

		"Watching Howard [The Duck] is an experience often compared with being tied down and having a family of magical leprechauns s--t in your eye sockets for an hour and a half"  (cracked.com)	(77)
		The best way to pick the Super Bowl winner? Street Fighter, Family Feud & Kim Kardashian  (g4tv.com)	(15)

		Four minute video charts progress of 5 year old and her family's search for the perfect replacement for the legs she was born without. Somethings in my eye. Tag is for family  (youtube.com)	(17)
(Bozeman Chronicle)		Police officer delivers stern lecture to man after arresting him for shoplifting school supplies for his kids. Just kidding; after citing and releasing the suspect, the officer used his own money to buy food for the guy's family  (dailychronicle.com)	(229)
		Relive the exciting rise of the Palins from small-state First Family to national phenomenon with this searchable database of emails sent or received by "Shadow Governor" Todd Palin between January '07 and September '08  (crivellawest.net)	(63)

Conservative "Family" Research Council: Not only should gays not be allowed to serve in the military, homosexuality should be outlawed  (littlegreenfootballs.com)

(257)

		"In summary, you must've either had your heart removed by corn tongs or be in the Manning family if you're not pulling for the Saints. Betting on them? You must've had your brain removed. "  (sports.espn.go.com)	(196)
		Thanks and appreciation from Bufu's family and friends for the great Tribute Thread(tm). DIT  (fark.com)	(74)

		A Montana family responds to criticism and harassement for flying their American flag upside down to indicate our country is in a "state of emergency."  (billingsgazette.com)	(178)
		Evangelical family gets political asylum in another country because state wouldn't let their five kids be home-schooled to avoid "anti-Christian worldview" taught in public schools  (spiegel.de)	(529)

		Pastor pulls a gun on his son and "threatened to kill him, his wife and family" because they don't attend church enough. Amen  (breitbart.com)	(95)
(Some Guy)		Not only is Focus on the Family ruining the Super Bowl with the Tim Tebow ad, they run fake clinics with fake preganancy tests and fake ultrasounds. They faked the Moon shots, too  (womensmediacenter.com)	(85)

Obama fails to take his family to church more than 3 times in a year, spends stimulus funds on secret mosque under White House. Allah Akbar  (abcnews.go.com)

(91)

(Some Guy)		Obama proposes a tax credit to families where at least one parent works. The Family Research Council has a problem with that  (frc.org)	(226)
		Company mistakenly delivers 75 gallons of heating oil to house where family converted to natural gas a year ago. It's all fun, until the oil hits the basement  (1010wins.com)	(124)

		After four years spent trying to adopt a pair of Haitian orphans, one Montana family finally gets their wish. Bonus: pic of one orphan seeing snow for the first time  (billingsgazette.com)	(157)
(Some Guy)		Family sues, saying their dad died because of his denture adhesive. Defendants say the lawsuit has no teeth, will just gum up the court system, and the family needs to get a poligrip  (nbcmiami.com)	(33)

(KARE11.com)

Things have gotten so bad for former Senator Norm Coleman (R-MN), even his own family is voting against him these days  (kare11.com)

(46)

A sensible Lottery winner at last - he's not telling his family  (lep.co.uk)

(116)

Sorry I buried your Malibu Barbie in the sandbox: Latest trend is apologizing to family and friends for transgressions in the distant past  (online.wsj.com)

(187)

Country hatches plan to crack down on egg-laying chickens, family to shell out money over easy appeal, tries to see the sunny side up  (sacbee.com)

(38)

Dennis Hopper tells friends and family that he's ready to die, asks forgiveness for his involvement in the "Super Mario Bros." movie  (metro.co.uk)

(109)

(Some Guy)

Pet snake saves family from house fire. "Long Long grabbed my clothes with his teeth and whipped the bed with his tail"  (mnn.com)

(111)

(Some Guy)		The bad news is your dog goes missing. The good news is it's found by the SPCA. The asinine news? The SPCA adopts it out to another family less than 72 hours later while not returning your phone calls  (thechronicleherald.ca)	(207)
(thesouthern.com)		Sheriff, family charged with "solicitation of murder for ire." Guess they were exasperated by the annoyance of drug trafficking charges and tried to pay someone to unleash the fury  (thesouthern.com)	(35)

Dutchie and Tootsie, two five-week old kittens found abadoned and half frozen in a clothing collection bin are now recovering with their foster family (and potential adopters) in time for Caturday (with pic)  (boston.com)

(837)

(WWL)

Family visits relative's grave, discover she has really bad case of athlete's foot  (wwltv.com)

(101)

Funeral home cremates the wrong body. Family fuming over mistake  (courant.com)

(47)

Christian singer Derek Loux dies in car crash. His family requests you post "who?" to the right  (upi.com)

(147)

(KRGV)

Boy is finally reunited with American Dad. Family Guy still better  (krgv.com)

(115)

See the happy family at the basketball game. Happy happy happy. See Junior? Junior wants to be a funny guy on ESPN live television. Funny funny funny. Wow, is Dad pissed off. Pissed pissed pissed  (liveleak.com)

(34)

Family that lives 18 miles from ocean finds baby seal in their yard, decides to consider it a Christmas present and name it Rudolph. "It looked like a huge slimy cat" (pics)  (news.bbc.co.uk)

(57)

		Rep. Bachmann (R-Lunatic), a fervent anti-socialist, refuses to accept federal farm subsidies she's entitled to. Just kidding. Her family farm received over $250,000 in subsidies between '95 and '06  (politico.com)	(132)
(Family Guy)		Family Guy crosses over to the something something something dark side. This will make your something something collection complete. (Sponsored link)  (amazon.com)	(201)

GM confirms another death in the family and writes one more sad chapter in its continuing Saab story  (news.bbc.co.uk)

(84)

		Your Christmas tree should be a reflection of your family. Subby wonders what garland goes with soul-crushing criticism and recrimination  (jacksonville.com)	(92)
(Some Guy)		Parents' Television Council files indecency complaint against "Family Guy" with the FCC. This is not a repeat from every other year beginning with a 2  (broadcastingcable.com)	(330)

(538.com)		Why the Senate healthcare bill is a good thing even sans public option: It's the difference between $19,576 and $9,000 for a family of four  (fivethirtyeight.com)	(179)
		Italian prosecutor sets up a nativity scene with a historically accurate dark-skinned Holy Family to troll an anti-immigrant group that's been staging a "White Christmas" campaign to harass foreigners  (news.yahoo.com)	(276)
(Some IChuckPens)		To Drew, Farkers and TotalFarkers, a Thank You from IChuckPens and family  (ichuckpens.info)	(117)
		Remember the Brit who was arrested after beating an attacker who took his family hostage? The Nanny State has just sentenced him to two-and-a-half years while his "victim" is spared  (dailymail.co.uk)	(555)

(Some Guy)

To absolutely no one's surprise Pete Wentz is, well, a wentz about putting up the Wentz-Simpson family Christmas tree. Wentz  (perezhilton.com)

(32)

(Chinahush)

The coolest family photographs you'll see all day: family portraits of all 56 ethnic groups in China  (chinahush.com)

(122)

		"Quiverfull" religion Duggar family cranks out number 19 three months early at 1lb, 6 oz., showing what happens when you have unsafe sects  (chicagotribune.com)	(577)
		Allowing people age 55-64 to buy Medicare will be a disaster of adverse selection and doom the whole system: "If the Titanic is sinking, the last thing you want to do is to put Grandma and more of your family on the boat"  (nytimes.com)	(167)

Apparently Michael was the sanest Jackson: The Jackson family insists that "American Idol" called the wrong Randy Jackson by mistake  (content.usatoday.com)

(29)

		FEMA says your family wants practical gifts this Christmas. Stuff like a fire extinguisher, duct tape, plastic sheeting, canned goods, fleshlights, radio, bottled water  (news.yahoo.com)	(127)
		Even more evidence that Obama is trying to destroy our county -- his family's holiday card makes no mention of "Christmas"  (chicagotribune.com)	(184)
		For years, music producer Steve Albini has played Secret Santa to hundreds of poor families in Chicago. Until this year, when the government changed postal rules to make sure that he can't  (guardian.co.uk)	(51)
(Some Comic Geek)		Holiday specials and Marvel shotglasses- everything you need to ignore the in-laws at family gatherings. New comics shipping December 9th  (downtowncomics.ning.com)	(33)

Good idea: Teaching your teenager to drive. Bad idea: Near a pond, in an SUV containing your whole family  (jacksonville.com)

(92)

(Some Guy)

Check out the sweet neck tattoo on former "Family Ties" star Brian Bonsall. Yes, it's another mugshot. Yes, he's been arrested again  (coloradodaily.com)

(100)

Dozens missing in Egypt ferry accident, family members are in De Nile    (cnn.com)

(37)

Jay Nordlinger discussing the history of the teabaggers: "this brings up the question of whether "teabagger" could be kind of a conservative N-word: to be used in the family, but radioactive outside the family"  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)

(171)

(Some Guy)

Al from Tool Time connects The Family to Ugandan homosexual Genocide  (scienceblogs.com)

(219)

Alicia Keys is ready to be a mother. However, she may want to rethink her current relationship, as it would be difficult to raise a family with a man known as "Swizz Beats."  (contactmusic.com)

(39)

		Woman goes on £50,000 spending spree buying trips and cars for her family thinking she was going to die from breast cancer. Turns out the joke was on her when her doctor gave her the "all clear."  (dailymail.co.uk)	(90)
(Some Gator)		Family's Thanksgiving dinner winds up with four people shot to death, lots of leftovers  (wcfcourier.com)	(65)
		How the Loch Ness monster has been rebranded from a terrifying glimpse of what creatures might live in hell into a benign, family-friendly amusement, just like Times Square  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(37)
		Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a farking big television. Ewan McGregor has chosen to prevent a "Trainspotting" sequel from going into production  (3news.co.nz)	(56)

(wpri.com)		Family raises money for turkey's cataract surgery, even though the procedure will cost more than a poultry sum  (wpri.com)	(17)
		Ain't no party like a turkey giveaway party 'cause a turkey giveaway party don't stop until Ludacris, Big Boi, and Akon give thousands of turkeys to Atlanta families  (contactmusic.com)	(8)

Today would have been William F. Buckley's 84th birthday, so here's a primer for Republicans to get reacquainted with what the GOP was like before it was all about the family-values weasels who cruise for trade after dark  (article.nationalreview.com)

(149)

Fox News has sent a memo to employees threatening pink slips for on-screen errors, meaning that by next year, all original Fox News programming will be replaced with reruns of "Family Ties" and "Wings"  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)

(81)

		Kid with terminal cancer is close to death and doesn't want to burden his family with restoring his prized Pontiac Fiero. Help comes in from all over the world. Hero tag runs over Dumbass tag for restoring a Fiero  (startribune.com)	(175)
		Be glad for the tryptophan in the turkey on Thanksgiving. It blocks the 9 aphrodisacs from turning family dinner into a hillbilly honeymoon  (examiner.com)	(37)