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333 headlines found matching 'elf'
Tue July 25, 2017
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Denver Channel)
 
 
 
Netflix has ordered an adult animated comedy fantasy series from Matt Groening, featuring a hard-drinking young princess, her feisty elf companion, and her personal demon
source: thedenverchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Cop shoots innocent victim. It was himself but he was innocent
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Oh Fudge, Keebler elf to be returning soon to his Treehouse
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
If you're going to kill yourself, at least be considerate of others. Man calls 9-1-1 to say he's going to kill himself, so they should hurry due to his organ donor status
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Black women choosing guns for self-defense, in move that simultaneously deters attackers and the NRA
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"Dear Prudence: A woman of 26 in my social circle was diagnosed with cancer. She needs help with meals and child care. But, she's a self-absorbed biatch and has alienated everyone, including me. I feel bad for the kids. Am I obligated to help?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
U.S. missile defense racks up another perfect success, except for the part where a sailor hit the big red button labeled "self-destruct"
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon July 24, 2017
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Jared Kushner to self-incriminate... I mean "deliver a statement" in front of the White House soon
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun July 23, 2017
(Mercury News)
 
 
 
Miss Manners dispenses advice to a self-absorbed idiot, with just the right touch of sarcasm
source: mercurynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-epressed) says "Hillary when you lose to somebody who has 40 percent popularity, you don't blame other things-Comey, Russia-you blame yourself "
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Motor Racing Network)
 
 
 
Shrub might find himself at a real track and get to teabag the yard of bricks if he can win the Brickyard 400 at Indianapolis Motor Speedway, 2pm ET on NBC
source: mrn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Adweek)
 
 
 
Corporate America is humanizing ordinary brands via first names like Alexa, Dave, Erica, and Otis. "Introduce yourself to customers on a first name basis, and you'll immediately be viewed as a more personable, approachable and trustworthy partner"
source: adweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat July 22, 2017
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Can Trump pardon himself? Short answer: No. Long Answer: Nooooooo
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri July 21, 2017
(Vox)
 
 
 
Could Trump pardon himself? Short answer: Probably
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Medium)
 
 
 
Thought Sessions was bad as AG? Well brace yourself, and maybe stand out of arms reach of your screen before clicking the link
source: medium.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu July 20, 2017
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Will Demonic Keebler Elf give Donnie Two Scoops a "giant f*ck you" resignation letter? Will more shiat about Trust Fund C-3PO drop before his testimony Monday? THIS is your news dump Trump administration scandal rumor thread (~5pm shoe drop)
source: mobile.twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Right Wing Watch)
 
 
 
Michael Snyder calls himself a "true believer" as he runs for an Idaho congressional seat. His beliefs include vaccinations are evil and fluoride is a secret mind control experiment. No word if he thinks it's a Soviet plot too
source: rightwingwatch.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHIO Dayton)
 
 
 
Stop me if you've heard this before: Top GOP official exposes himself in public bathroom
source: whio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed July 19, 2017
(Digg)
 
 
 
Cop films himself planting evidence at crime scene (with video)
source: digg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
There's only one way to celebrate the 44th anniversary of this song. Drink a 12 pack of Budweiser,smoke something illegal, let your long hair blow in the breeze, plant yourself in the middle of the crowd and yell "I'm as free as a bird, y'all "
source: societyofrock.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue July 18, 2017
(Politico)
 
 
 
Trump says GOP will look like dopes and weak if health care bill fails. Insulting your own party is a great way to get yourself impeached
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon July 17, 2017
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Keebler Elf wants police to seize more cash for their budgets, better cookie ovens in his tree
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9 to 5 Mac)
 
 
 
Subway's new store design adds digital self-order kiosks with Apple Pay, faster mobile pre-ordering, more souls to the unemployment line
source: 9to5mac.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun July 16, 2017
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Martin Landau has passed. His missions included "North by Northwest," "Space:1999," "Ed Wood," and "Crimes and Misdemeanors." This headline will self-destruct in 10 seconds
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat July 15, 2017
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Gorka fancies himself Trump's pit bull when he's more of a pit bull/shih tzu hybrid, a bull shih tzu, if you will
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri July 14, 2017
(Politico)
 
 
 
Mike Pence's people say it is "offensive" to suggest that Pence is, in ANY way, distancing himself from... what's that guy's name? The one he only knows from work? A Mr....Trump? Yeah, that's it. Trump
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Pence gets himself a fixer
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Woman in Los Angeles earns the crowns for worst selfie ever. All the crowns
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AlterNet)
 
 
 
John Oliver mentions a terrifying new possibility on the Trump scandal: "I called it Stupid Watergate. It was supposed to be a self-contained joke. It's something with the gravitas of Watergate, but everyone involved is stupid and bad at everything"
source: alternet.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu July 13, 2017
(The Hollywood Reporter)
 
 
 
The Walking Dead lawsuit is more dramatic and enjoyable than the series itself, featuring obscene emails and unchecked greed
source: hollywoodreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Sessions has quite a bust, Kasowitz is threatening and Trump is making an ass of himself in France. It's time for Chris, Rachel and Lawrence on MSNBC, starting at 9 PM EDT
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Weekly)
 
 
 
It's amazing how quickly that psychopathy and lack of self-control administration with zero accountability became normal
source: laweekly.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Trump's lawyers are desperately trying to control the flow of information and disinformation, but they can't stop the president himself. "We tell him not to do anything. Then he's on Twitter making it worse"
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
DOJ defies court order to turn over Sessions' info on his Russian contacts. So listen kids, it's A-OK to tell a judge to go Fark himself
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Google's AI has taught itself to walk and if its humanoid figure running isn't the embodiment of joy then I don't know what is
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed July 12, 2017
(NYPost)
 
 
 
DeBlasio has himself a progressive primary challenger, who must be making an impact since the NYPD is already jerking him around
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Self-Described "conservative Christian"? Check. "Star" of reality show on TLC? Check. 40-year prison term for child rape? Check and Checkmate
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
"Psst. The man sitting next to you was pleasuring himself while you slept. We just thought you'd like to know. Please return to your seat and enjoy the rest of your flight"
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
It's one thing to have a fight with yourself. It's another to break your leg in the process
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Root)
 
 
 
Police mistake unarmed 5'2" woman for 5'10" bald man with a machete, punch her and sic a dog on her when she identifies herself by her name
source: theroot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP)
 
 
 
Battle over whether Macaque took the picture is not in question. Macaque is very good at selfies. Especially dick pics
source: hosted.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
How fire ants self-organize to build towers up to 30 ants tall, without guidance from a queen
source: theconversation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
See, libs? Fake news. Mueller wasn't even investigating Trump Jr and his Russia emails. Er, at least until he incriminated himself on Twitter, and now he totally is investigating that. Still: totally fake up until it wasn't
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Ha, he farked himself before he could be fake farked by you farking libruls. On farking point
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue July 11, 2017
(Twitter)
 
 
 
The five people left on Fark who have cable and forgot to cancel Fox News might want to tune in to Hannity tonight, where Donald Trump Jr. will possibly be further incriminating himself regarding his Russia collusion
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Journalist who broke story about Don Don's conspiracy emails upset that he's been scooped by Don Don himself
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Man kills himself by jumping into a live volcano. Meg Ryan must not be the attraction she once was (Not safe for work images in sidebar)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DFW Star-Telegram)
 
 
 
Women worried about a suicidal man who was dousing himself with gasoline call police for assistance. Police show up and decide that using a taser might be an appropriate way to disable him. SadFark - he's disabled for good now
source: star-telegram.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Reince Priebus--who was mere yards away from the Trump-Kremlin intermediary meeting, if not in attendance himself--initially claimed that the meeting had been set up by the Democrats. Then the story changed
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon July 10, 2017
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Steve Bannon has a portrait of himself as Napoleon. That makes so much sense
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun July 09, 2017
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Putin is patting himself on the back for getting Trump to roll over on election hacking: expert
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Bill O'Reilly thinks Gov. Chris Christie allowed himself to be photographed on that empty beach in order to get a job as a sports talk radio personality when he leaves office
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Trump hails his participation at G20 as a "success," in that he didn't shiat himself in public or grab Angela Merkel by the pussy
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat July 08, 2017
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
This day in history, 1947, a UFO allegedly crashed at Roswell, New Mexico. We now know this never happened because, come on, you think Trump could stop himself from tweeting about it if it really happened?
source: roswellufomuseum.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri July 07, 2017
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Tough guy beats up deaf and autistic guy dressed as Superman. Gets arrested and taken to jail, where deputies say he cried, screamed and gave himself a swirly
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Guess who just outed herself as a member of the American Nazi Party
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Life and Style)
 
 
 
George Clooney moves himself and his family back to the United States because of security concerns
source: lifeandstylemag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Media Matters)
 
 
 
Lou Dobbs believes Obama is "shadowing" Trump around the world in an effort to discredit and humiliate him. Pretty sure Trump can do that all by himself
source: mediamatters.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Will Trump receive new orders from his boss? Will he have to supplicate himself and prostate to the true leader of America? Will either translator tell us what really happened? It's your Official Trump/Putin Meeting Discussion Thread
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu July 06, 2017
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Welfare scandal in Jersey nets more scammers. This means rich people should get huge tax cuts and health care is bad
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Your sister is lying in a hospital bed, behind you, screaming out in pain and in the midst of labor, now THAT'S a perfect time for a SELFIE
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed July 05, 2017
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
France vaccinates itself against stupidity
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
If you've been playing No Man's Sky lately and thinking to yourself, "Man, if they'd only take out all the spaceships and aliens and combat and technology and just let me name rocks all day long," have I got some good news for you
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Auto Parts retailers' shares collapsing as investors realize you can't fix a damn thing yourself anymore. ORLY
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Digital Spy)
 
 
 
Everything you need to know about the First and Twelfth Doctors [WARNING: SPOILERS]
source: digitalspy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon July 03, 2017
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
Miami Judge tosses out Florida's updated "Stand your Ground" law which required prosecutors to prove a defendant WASN'T acting in self defense before they could charge them because A) that's insane and B) only the FL Sup Ct. can set evidence rules
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
"Although many came expecting violence ― even after Antifa made it clear its adherents never planned to show up ― the only bloodshed came when a lone militia group member accidentally shot himself in the leg"
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Chris Christie forced to close beach to the public to fit himself and family
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun July 02, 2017
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Congratulations, New Jersey. Thanks to shutting yourself down, little kids aren't able to go camping this summer. So much winning
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
India signs free trade agreement with itself
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat July 01, 2017
(Fark)
 
 
 
This week in the Saturday Morning Book Club, what three books should be on everyone's book shelf?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri June 30, 2017
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Turns out there's a photo of Mika Brzinicantspellitski on the day Trump claims she was bleeding. Brace yourself, the result may shock you
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
While everyone else was building self-driving cars, Toyota has designed a robot that helps disabled people around the house, a Toyota Care-ola, if you will
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lexington Herald Leader)
 
 
 
News: Amish man is convicted in Federal court for obstruction of justice and selling homemade herbal supplements he claims cure cancer. Fark: He represents himself in court and goes Sovereign Citizen on the proceedings
source: kentucky.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu June 29, 2017
(Slate)
 
 
 
"Dear Prudence: I am a virgin and headed to college in the fall. I had many boyfriends during the past years but never had sex with any of them as the opportunity never presented itself. Would it be acceptable for me to sleep with a good friend?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Just another day on the NYC subway - an unexpected delay, a lack of seats, a snake wrapping itself around a pole
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fortune)
 
 
 
Canadian court makes play for world domination, declares itself emperor of the internet
source: fortune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dezeen)
 
 
 
In the near future, you won't have to drive to the supermarket anymore. It will drive itself to you
source: dezeen.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed June 28, 2017
(Forbes)
 
 
 
The most successful self-made women in America
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Arkansas representative shows signs of self-awareness: "We just simply don't know how to govern"
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Palmer Report)
 
 
 
Will Donnie Two Scoops go down for money laundering? Will Carter Page squeal like a canary? Will Jared sing like a pig? Does a Keebler elf leave nothing but fudge? THIS is your Trump administration scandal speculation/rumor thread. (~5pm ET shoe drop)
source: palmerreport.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
When porn star fan tries to take a selfie without her permission, she unloads on his face
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue June 27, 2017
(Politico)
 
 
 
Totally-not-a-lobbyist Corey Lewandowski quietly inked a deal with Venezuela's state-owned oil company Citgo to represent its interests in the US, which may soon include getting the US to okay a sale of itself to Russian oil giant Rosneft
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cageside Seats)
 
 
 
The He-Wolf Baron Corbin stalks Beirut as we all await the July 4th return of Liberty Belle. Instead of a stereotyped welfare queen, we'll get a penitentiary. Join the Gorgeous Gentlemen of Wrestling tonight for MITB Redux on SDL 8pm ET USA
source: cagesideseats.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Hertz explores new self-driving partnerships, according to youngest son Dick
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
The United States plans to place China on its global list of worst offenders in human trafficking and forced labor, since that's how China rolls. United States still incapable of putting itself on the global list of most incarcerations per capita
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon June 26, 2017
(Tech Crunch)
 
 
 
MIT leverages self-driving technology to create self-driving wheelchairs & & &
source: techcrunch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun June 25, 2017
(Failure Magazine)
 
 
 
"Foremost Custer Living Historian" to lead the 7th Cavalry into battle today in annual re-enactment of Custer's Last Stand. "Every year we try to win, but history has a way of repeating itself"
source: failuremag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri June 23, 2017
(ieee spectrum)
 
 
 
A guy made a self-driving potato, named it Pontus, and adopted it as a pet
source: spectrum.ieee.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Levar Burton wins national selfie day. William Shatner sad he didn't think of it first
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Now Trump is congratulating himself on witness tampering
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Calgary Herald)
 
 
 
Your most Canadian headline of the day: "Police advise Calgarians not to take selfies with moose on the loose"
source: calgaryherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Austin American-Statesman)
 
 
 
History repeats itself as George Bush runs for re-election in Texas. Guess which state he carpetbagged from. Uncle George approves
source: mystatesman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
The fake real news which was fake fake news that became real fake news is now real real news, and that's news in itself
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu June 22, 2017
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
"This is the first time that we are aware, that a black professional, in law enforcement, himself being shot and treated as an ordinary black guy on the street. This is a real problem"
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 96.5 Florida)
 
 
 
Some fan just stopped traffic to take a selfie with Dwayne Johnson...and The Rock was as awesome as ever
source: news965.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed June 21, 2017
(Cracked)
 
 
 
Which classic childhood movies did you miss out on? Which ones scarred you for life? LGT some WTELF movie moments
source: cracked.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue June 20, 2017
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin says of tax reform, "The speaker, myself, the Senate leadership, we are all 100 percent committed to getting it done this year." In other words, there is absolutely NO CHANCE it's getting done this year
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadspin)
 
 
 
Jerome Bettis throws the NFL under himself
source: deadspin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Without even the slightest whiff of shame, or, frankly even self-awareness, Sean Hannity "compared the investigation into possible ties between President Trump's campaign and Russia to the "birtherism" investigations"
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
Trump retweets numbers of old GOP-leaning poll to make himself feel better over plummeting approval ratings
source: politicususa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Failure Magazine)
 
 
 
Putting Hitler's limo on display "ought to help demonstrate the evil of Hitler's regime. That end is not being achieved if you have adolescent boys taking selfies with it"
source: failuremag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon June 19, 2017
(Vox)
 
 
 
France's members of parliament include a female professional athlete, a self-taught cyber guru, and "the Lady Gaga of Math." Whereas here in America, we've got people who talk to an invisible sky wizard and believe Earth is only 6,000 years old
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Russia Today)
 
 
 
Russia discovers vast new oil deposit on Arctic shelf. We begin bombing in 5 minutes
source: rt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Who is to blame for selfie sticks? Teens? Nope. Millennials? Try again. Ancient Greeks? Bingo
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
You known you've trained your dog well if she knows how to ride public transit all by herself and has memorized where the stop for the local dog park is
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat June 17, 2017
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Demented, racist Keebler Elf Jefferson Beauregard Sessions has written an op-ed for the Post entitled: "Being soft on sentencing means more violent crime. It's time to get tough again." Here it is for your reading, ah, "pleasure"
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Remember when you were in high school and you consoled yourself by saying once you grew up and became an adult, popularity didn't matter? You were wrong
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri June 16, 2017
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
"Fire officials say they don't believe the fire itself was criminal, but investigators at the scene did find what appeared to be a marijuana grow operation" FARK has a tag for this sort of thing
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Will Sessions unrecuse himself? Will Mueller announce charges? Will we get a massive story that Rosenstein may have alluded to? THIS is your Trump scandal/speculation "Friday News Dump Day" edition ~ 6pm RT expected shoe drop
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Trump loses his biggest cheerleader after himself, Ann Coulter
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Woman makes an ass of herself by stealing money from a city to get a butt lift
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu June 15, 2017
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Leader of the polygamist FLDS sect, Lyle Jeffs was arrested at a marina in South Dakota after more than a year on the run since he slipped out of an ankle monitor while awaiting trial for food stamp and welfare fraud. South Dakota HAS marinas?
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
GM says it's ready to mass produce self-driving cars. Customers can now sit at home while their recalled vehicles drive themselves back to the dealer
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed June 14, 2017
(The Week)
 
 
 
Photographic proof of perjury? Why I do declare, these photons are part of a liberal conspiracy against me. *fans self wildly*
source: theweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
The Jeff Sessions testimony was recreated by Kate McKinnon on Late Night with Seth Meyers. She does a pitch-perfect imitation of the hate elf
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Soy milk can no longer introduce itself as dairy in Spanish or any other EU language
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
"Trump has blocked me from reading his tweets. I may have to kill myself"
source: hashtagmaine.bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
How much did AG Demonic Elf Lord lie under oath about collusion today? And what, exactly, do we mean by "Russian Collusion"? Hint: It's all about the sanctions, baby. THIS is your tweet thread explaining it all
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Macomb Daily)
 
 
 
Trucker responsible for 9-car pileup on state highway takes elderly neighbor hostage, forces her to drive him to Detroit where he barricaded himself in home before committing suicide. The Aristocrats
source: macombdaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue June 13, 2017
(Politico)
 
 
 
Pelosi, channeling her best Napoleon, tells Democrats pushing impeachment: Never interfere with an enemy while he's in the process of destroying himself
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Jeff Sessions won't discuss his private conversations with Trump because he may incriminate himself and the Fifth Amendment still exists
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon June 12, 2017
(Reuters)
 
 
 
You're not going to believe this but Wall Street's self-regulatory mechanism doesn't work
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Following first full cabinet meeting, Trump has members take turns praising him. Brace yourself, Melania
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun June 11, 2017
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Want to stop a potential robot overthrow in the future? Give them self doubt before they kill us all
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat June 10, 2017
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Ex-Twitter CEO: Meeting with Donald Trump is like drinking a bottle of gin and then waterboarding yourself
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Kansas, the heart of Tea Party country, is bracing itself for the rise of the Moderate Republican
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rocketnews 24)
 
 
 
Japanese fast food chain Lotteria offers ghost pepper chicken sandwich, so spicy that you must sign consent form to eat it. Reviewer: "Once you resign yourself to the hopeless pain and despair of the spiciness, the flavor is good"
source: en.rocketnews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri June 09, 2017
(The Hill)
 
 
 
"Trump lacks the focus or self-discipline to do the basic work required of a president" according to left wing nut job Karl Rove
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu June 08, 2017
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
You're upset that your meal included onions, so you A) ask for a new plate of food without onions, B) remove the onions yourself, or C) threaten to shoot the owner before dropping your pants and exposing yourself
source: clickondetroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
"SpongeBob SquarePants" musical set to hit Broadway. Early reviews say the actor portraying the sponge has become very self-absorbed
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
You know you're a lonely man if you find yourself showing obscene videos on your cellphone to the CVS cashier while paying for some beer
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed June 07, 2017
(PennLive)
 
 
 
"Welcome to Walmart, with do-it-yourself dentistry now available"
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue June 06, 2017
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
In dealing with passengers, United Airlines prides itself in avoiding violins whenever possible
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
I want to take a summer getaway. Should I use a travel booking site, a travel agent, or make all reservations directly myself?
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Seven things to do if you win a huge lotto jackpot surprisingly doesn't include "pinch yourself, you have probably overslept your alarm and need to get to your minimum wage job"
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon June 05, 2017
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Four white guys from New York form K-Pop boy band, and K-Pop fans are unamused at their singing in Korean or their self-glossing as "a fresh hybrid of K-Pop"
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat June 03, 2017
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Man obsessed with Lord of the Rings for over 40 years. Can't help himself, says it's Hobbit-forming
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wonkette)
 
 
 
"Oh, go f*ck yourself, Ivanka Trump"
source: wonkette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Your urge to join the Selfie Mile High Club just got a tremendous hand
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri June 02, 2017
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
NASA astronaut Jack Fischer shared a video of himself building a tower of pudding in microgravity and then eating his own creation
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
With the way things are going in Trump's Amerikka, it's time you honestly ask yourself if in an emergency you could start your own fire
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu June 01, 2017
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
All that lavish "Dear Leader"-esque praise coming from Trump's minions? One theory is he's writing it himself and they've just given up editing it
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
If a naked woman is using your dumpster area as her personal bathroom, you only have yourself to blame
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
An analysis of Trump's linguistic patterns and typos on Twitter shows he is obsessed with two things: Himself and Obama
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KMOV St. Louis)
 
 
 
If you're arguing with your friend in the car while you're on the highway and you're surprised when he gets mad and throws your heroin out the window, don't be surprised if he goes back to get it and gets himself run over
source: kmov.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Putin made a huge mistake by aligning himself with Trump
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed May 31, 2017
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Jet Blue announces plan to let passengers use selfies as their boarding pass, since there is no way this could ever not work out as expected
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Al Franken is good enough and smart enough to distance himself from Kathy Griffin
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Man dies taking a selfie with his girlfriend at a waterfall. He should have stuck to the rivers and the lakes that he was used to
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
49% of Trump's Twitter followers are fake accounts, including a whopping 80% of his newest followers since January, possibly bought by the Cheeto himself, and possibly because Obama has three times as many followers as him
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue May 30, 2017
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Now that they have all his stolen files anyway, Uber decides to fire the engineer they hired away from Google to head their self-driving car project
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
How to cook a gator, self-medicating Bill Cosby, and a lasting peach: these are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-05-21 to Sat 2017-05-27
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Lab-created moths with a 'self-destruct' gene are set to be released onto U.S. farmland. What could go wrong?
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon May 29, 2017
(Sports Illustrated)
 
 
 
Rapper Pitbull wants you to remember our fallen freedom defenders this Memorial Day...by tweeting a photo of himself smiling, wrapped in the American flag
source: si.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Best. Selfie. EVAR
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
The "fake news" President Trump goes on and on about is actually coming from himself and his staff in the White House
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Shatner opens up: "I don't want to discuss Trump or [George] Takei. Listen, I'm Canadian and I'm apolitical. I love America. I consider myself a guest here. I won't do anything that might get me deported"
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun May 28, 2017
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
The lower your self-esteem, the more likely you'll opt for flashier credit cards with higher fees. "Social image is a substitute for self-image"
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat May 27, 2017
(New Zealand Herald)
 
 
 
Today's nightmare fuel: Lack of sleep causes your brain to eat itself
source: nzherald.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Melania Trump is being credited with U.S. tourism to Slovenia being up 30%. She may take it upon herself to personally thank all three of those tourists
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri May 26, 2017
(Inquisitr)
 
 
 
Piers Morgan finally tries to start a Twitter spat with Ariana Grande herself, bashing her for going home rather than comforting Manchester victims. The "Piers Morgan is a Twitter douche" trifecta is complete
source: inquisitr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
Teacher resigns to become full-time 'lice slayer', equips herself with shampoo of cleansing and comb with +5 against mites
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed May 24, 2017
(Politico)
 
 
 
How Jared kept Trump from acting like himself in the Middle East
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue May 23, 2017
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Primates self-medicate with drugs other than alcohol
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
If you try to be a practicing vegetarian but occasionally slip up and eat bacon, it's okay. However moving forward you should probably just call yourself a reducetarian
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Arkansas Online)
 
 
 
You are one wild and crazy guy if you get shot in the head with an arrow and are still able to drive yourself home six miles away
source: arkansasonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
How Fox News made a name for itself by making Monica Lewinsky's life a nightmare
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Indy100)
 
 
 
Today's Fark-ready headline: The Church of Satan is distancing itself from Donald Trump
source: indy100.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun May 21, 2017
(Showtime)
 
 
 
After twenty-five years, that gum you like is coming back in style. Pour yourself some coffee and serve up a slice of cherry pie, Twin Peaks returns on Showtime 9 pm ET
source: sho.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat May 20, 2017
(Lowering the Bar)
 
 
 
Lawyer awards fake lawyer award to fake self, files fake defamation suit when media report on fakery, gets real court decision tossing his suit out
source: loweringthebar.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Our long national nightmare is over as the girl who dressed as a dinosaur to spook horses has turned herself in
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri May 19, 2017
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Baba Yaga insists she's trying to distance herself from Trump, but every time she does the media pulls her in with a ridiculous, unprovoked attack. This time, it's the fake news story about Trump "leaking" classified information to the Russkies
source: nation.foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
Soundgarden were working on a new album when Chris Cornell killed himself
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
90 years ago on Saturday, Charles Lindbergh flew solo across the Atlantic Ocean. Does anybody remember it from a past life? Do you consider it the greatest accomplishment in aviation? Would you like to try it yourself?
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
In what's no surprise to the people on the politics tab, Trump warned us about himself during the campaign
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Former CIA counterterrorism expert says whiny 'Sissy-in-chief' represents no one but himself
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
A 64 year-old liberal's first foray into an NRA convention: "The common thread among the conventioneers I met was fear. Real, genuine fear. But that's no accident. Protecting yourself from crime, real and imagined, is what the NRA is all about"
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Mannequin causes man to flee hotel and hurt himself which means lawsuit, of course. Stupid dummy
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu May 18, 2017
(CNN)
 
 
 
Senate: "Yeah, we've decided to subpoena you over this whole Russia thing". Flynn: "Yeah? Go fark yourself" (Article Updated: Flynn has actually not responded yet)
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Think Progress)
 
 
 
Things Trump is happy to do for longer than 15 min: Play golf. Talk about crowd sizes. Watch Fox & Friends. Things he won't do for longer than 15 min: Read intelligence briefings. Keep state secrets to himself. Visit Israel's Holocaust memorial
source: thinkprogress.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed May 17, 2017
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Trump: "Watch yourself, Comey, I have tapes" Congress: "We would love to hear those tapes, and some Zeppelin if you have it"
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patribotics)
 
 
 
So former FBI director Comey may have had his FBI computer illegally accessed and had his files sent to Russian diplomats. Nothing to see here, move along citizen. Demented Keebler Elf out front shoulda told you
source: patribotics.blog   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
"Some people want to hurt Trump" Not least of which is Trump himself
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
If you want to feel better about your own decisions today, at least you are not finding yourself trying to dig your SUV out of the ocean
source: nbcphiladelphia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Arkansas Online)
 
 
 
Man busted for performing a sex act on himself inside a shoe store. Has he no sole?
source: arkansasonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue May 16, 2017
(Screen Rant)
 
 
 
Tonight on ComicsTV: As time runs out Barry brings the Snart on The Flash (CW 8 pm ET) Later, Blaine finds himself in a sticky situation on iZombie (CW 9 pm) Finally, Aida runs afoul of The Spirit of Vengeance on Agents of SHIELD (ABC 10 pm)
source: screenrant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
At 31, Man U legend Wayne Rooney is shadow of his old self: barely getting meaningful game action, gambling away his wealth alone at Manchester casinos, looking spent compared to fellow oldsters Zlatan, Ronaldo and Messi
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sporting News)
 
 
 
Aric Almirola out of the 43 car indefinitely after falling victim to miscalibrated idol in NASCAR thread. Maybe you guys should put that thing on the shelf until you learn how to use it properly
source: sportingnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rolling Stone)
 
 
 
John Oliver defends his net neutrality comments and Go FCC Yourself campaign, continuing to be the sole voice of reason in an otherwise confused TV anchors. Bonus: He goes off on some newscasters for confusing him with Stephen Colbert
source: rollingstone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon May 15, 2017
(STLToday)
 
 
 
A federal judge orders Uber not to use technology that was taken from Waymo. But refuses to order a halt to Uber's self-driving program
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
On this day, ESPN became self-aware
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun May 14, 2017
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Possibly the Daily Mail's only non-loathsome journalist rails against self-service tills at retail, spends whole day shopping on High Street using them to prove they waste more of your time than human-staffed tills
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat May 13, 2017
(International Business Times)
 
 
 
Self-driving cars coming to the autobahn. Kraftwerk will finally seem appropriate for listening while speeding down the autobahn with only a robot driver
source: ibtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri May 12, 2017
(AP News)
 
 
 
The real problem with self-driving cars? They actually follow traffic laws
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu May 11, 2017
(Comet TV)
 
 
 
Fox goes all 30 Rock on itself, orders "X-Files" parody starring Adam Scott and Craig Robinson
source: comettv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Meet the incontinent, crippled, fish-n-chips-crazy upper-class Englishwoman who went to Nazi Germany to seduce the Fuhrer, then shot herself in the head at beginning of WWII. The aristocrat
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Spirited Gal)
 
 
 
Motivate yourself to photoshop this speaker
source: beyondcareer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
"Welcome to the White House. Please help yourself to a complimentary handout of the President's electoral college win. Also, be sure to admire the giant framed version of it hanging on the wall"
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Action A Go-Go)
 
 
 
7 things that won't make it into the Vince McMahon documentary. Yeah, strap yourself in boys and girls. This one is going to get twisted, even for Pro Wrestling
source: actionagogo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Paris Hilton claims she invented the selfie, the light bulb, the cotton gin
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Once the United Kingdom removes itself from the European Union, that heart of the EU will be located in Westerngrund, Bavaria. Sicily will still be the taint
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
"In this incident, she allegedly exposed herself to a police officer and removed a dandelion from her vagina"
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Man arrested for multiple incidents involving a fetish he refers to as "cranking" which entails removing a vehicle's spark plug wires to make the vehicle run roughly to help reach sexual self-gratification. I'm done with the internet for today
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed May 10, 2017
(C-SPAN)
 
 
 
Will Spiceweasel bring out Demonic Keebler Elf to explain the Comey firing? Will he outright cancel today because yesterday was such a shambles? Will the press bite back hard? THIS is your Spiceweasel press briefing thread (1:30 start time)
source: c-span.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
If your spouse's parents' approach to raising your child seems outdated and antiquated, you should get over yourself and just be glad they're helping out
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue May 09, 2017
(CNN)
 
 
 
Nothing helps a murder victim's surviving family find closure like posthumously exonerating the murderer just because he killed himself
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KGW Portland)
 
 
 
After shopping for gifts at the feminist bookstore and sparring at the cruelty-free gym next to the old-time barber shop, treat yourself at Portland's first ever all-vegan artisanal doughnut shop
source: kgw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Former Keebler Elf and wannabe James Bond villain Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III seeks more severe sentencing for drug crimes. Those prison beds won't fill themselves
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
When traveling the remote regions of our planet, you may find yourself at Canada's new arctic air hub where the runways are gravel and they only have one set of steps able to reach plane doors. Oh, and the baggage handlers are polar bears
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
At that price buy yourself 3 whole lobsters, cook 'em yourself and get at least TWO lobster rolls outta them
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon May 08, 2017
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Man steals knife from store, threatens loss prevention staff by waving it at them and then dies after stabbing himself with it. Huh, yeah, seems legit to me
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Man attempts new DIY sex reassignment procedure on himself. Man, that hadda hurt
source: wtol.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
Facebook to launch premium TV shows in June. Critics question how good they'll be coming from the same company that brought us "Farmville," fake news and endless selfies
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Olean Times Herald)
 
 
 
TSA: "Passengers leave a lot of stuff behind at airport checkpoints". Also their patience, temper and self-respect
source: oleantimesherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat May 06, 2017
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Paul Ryan obliviously poses with protester wearing anti-Trumpcare 'Go f*ck yourself' shirt
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post UK)
 
 
 
Knock knock. Who's there? Exactly; the Doctor and Bill find themselves in a cramped haunted house in a sharp satire. Will Nardole return? And what of Missy? The final song of the Twelfth Doctor continues in Knock Knock, 9 pm ET on BBC America (earlier on the civilized world)
source: huffingtonpost.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri May 05, 2017
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
If you've been avoiding oysters during the summer months, you've been depriving yourself of these delicious snotsicles for no good reason. Here comes the science
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Don't worry. Just because Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao doesn't understand what self-driving cars can and can't do doesn't mean the department Trump assigned her to lead can't handle regulating them
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reddit)
 
 
 
My girlfriend made herself in The Sims. Her character is married to another Sim she made; a Sim of my best friend. I don't even exist in her fantasy world
source: reddit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
An exploration of the "born sexy yesterday" trope in sci-fi, in which an impossibly sexy woman wakes up in a strange, unfamiliar place and falls immediately in love with the first schlub she meets
source: io9.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Courthouse News Service)
 
 
 
She's accused of extramarital affairs, unprotected sex with several partners, hiring female prostitutes for threesomes and her own selfish pursuits, and smoking the weed confiscated from a kid by her bailiff. And they shall call her Your Honor
source: courthousenews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu May 04, 2017
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
You ever laugh so hard at a TV show you choked and knocked yourself unconscious? This Australian MP has
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"Dear Prudence: I will give birth any day; my in-laws are coming to town again, and last time I had a baby they soothed and played with the newborn and let me rest. I thought it was selfish. How can I tell them off without upsetting my husband?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed May 03, 2017
(Japan Times)
 
 
 
DOD official invites Japan to upgrade their counterstrike capabilities, just in case enemy bases need to be counterstruck for self-defense
source: japantimes.co.jp   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
Woman found guilty of laughing at guy who perjured himself. Woman faces 1 year in jail, Perjury Guy made Attorney General
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
The moment when you "like" a Tweet showing a GIF outlining the rift between you and your husband at his presidential inauguration and have to explain yourself to the media
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Here's a great idea: Climb to the top of a mountain considered sacred to indigenous people and take a naked selfie. Who would ever have a problem with that? (blurred nekked pic warning)
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Cheeky toddler locks himself in car and loves every minute of it
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue May 02, 2017
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Ivanka Trump publishes women's self-help book. Number one: be born into wealthy family. Number two: tell dad to keep his hands off
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
After a decades-long struggle to successfully free itself from Saudi oil dependence, America now hands its balls back on a silver platter
source: money.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon May 01, 2017
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Chelsea Handler finds herself thriving under the Trump administration
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
Wondering why we didn't get that graveyard sex scene in the series premier of American Gods? Shadow was cock blocked by Neil Gaiman himself
source: avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
White House launches "Hugely Bigly Computers and Phones and Stuff Task Force", and Trump appoints himself leader but will really just be a puppet of shadow super hacker Barron von Trump, who is an expert at cyber
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Draymond Green does not see how he compares to Charles Barkley, since Mr. Green sees himself as a role model
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Tony Blair is diving straight into the Brexit waters to try and save the UK from itself
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Players' Tribune)
 
 
 
Ryan Leaf writes a regret filled letter to his younger self
source: theplayerstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat April 29, 2017
(From the Grapevine)
 
 
 
AI creates an entire album by itself. Still better than Justin Bieber's latest
source: fromthegrapevine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri April 28, 2017
(Time)
 
 
 
How to recover from heartbreak is to just do something for yourself. Which for newly divorced men means painting their new studio apartment to match the only piece of furniture they own
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu April 27, 2017
(CNN)
 
 
 
Ontario, Canada launches a guaranteed income program that will pay people a minimum $12,600 a year. Which is also offered in the U.S. but only if you can qualify for unemployment, disability or welfare
source: money.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Despite McDonald's heralded attempts to transform itself, spending time and serious money rolling out ambitious new premium products, customer numbers continue to decline, as remaining customers overwhelmingly order value-menu crap
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Wed April 26, 2017
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
There's a new drug with 100 times the potency of heroin hitting the DC streets: elephant tranquilizer. Like, literally tranquilizer for elephants. You know, maybe we just let this one sort itself out
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
If you want to give yourself the best chance of avoiding food poisoning at a restaurant, don't order raw oysters, raw sprouts, Caesar salad or hollandaise sauce made with raw eggs, sushi or ceviche
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
A new social media game called the 'Blue Whale Game' involves being given a master that will control you and make you do tasks every day for 50 days. To win the game you must kill yourself. Fark: So far there are 130 winners
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue April 25, 2017
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
A new parchment copy of the Declaration of Independence, written in the 1780s, has been discovered and, well, read it for yourself: "We, the undersigned colonies, do declare our independence by forming the Caliphate of the US based on Sharia law"
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Why no one respects science: "Being "pro-science" has become a bizarre cultural phenomenon in which liberals engage in public displays of self-reckoned intelligence as a kind of performance art, while demonstrating zero evidence to justify it"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Daily Beast investigates "Red Pill," a subreddit dedicated to MRAs who blame feminism for all of their self-inflicted problems, and discovers that it was created by New Hampshire congressman Robert Fisher
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun April 23, 2017
(Kansas City)
 
 
 
Let's go over this one more time: If you're out turkey hunting, don't disguise yourself as a turkey
source: kansascity.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat April 22, 2017
(CBS New York)
 
 
 
American Airlines gets itself some free publicity thanks to another idiot shooting vertical video. Can't wait to fly tomorrow
source: newyork.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gainesville Sun)
 
 
 
Checks all available flights out of Florida, makes note to self: "Do NOT fly out of Williston Municipal Airport"
source: gainesville.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri April 21, 2017
(BBC)
 
 
 
Millennial app makers say selfies could make election voting 'more, like, accessible' while offering totally cool filters and effects for candidates
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Good News for Jared Kushner: You made the Time "100 most influential people" list. Bad News: Your write up was done by no less than Henry Kissinger himself, and, he is NOT a fan
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu April 20, 2017
(STLToday)
 
 
 
Slamming your girlfriend through a glass table, exposing yourself to her 13 year-old son, and stealing Medicaid funds for strippers is no way to run a retirement home, dad
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Hodor may run for political office in Belfast. HODOR
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
And then this guy just pulls over to the side of the road and sets himself on fire
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Week)
 
 
 
President Trump finding out he can't drain the swamp because it's so clogged with politicans. In fact no one can unclog that fetid morass of corruption and self-dealing
source: theweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Intercept)
 
 
 
Sessions may have recused himself from the Russia investigation, but that hasn't stopped him from firing people that are producing results
source: theintercept.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed April 19, 2017
(Metro)
 
 
 
Pro tip: Be careful taking selfies while wearing mirrored sunglasses
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
26.2 of the funniest signs spotted at yesterday's Boston Marathon. Don't poop yourself
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue April 18, 2017
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Brace yourself: Harry Reid did something useful for humanity. Granted, it took two decades for the law to be used. But still
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Review)
 
 
 
That Democrat who is supposed to win in Georgia today and send a powerful message to Trump that America will not tolerate this corruption? Yeah, he can't even vote for himself because he doesn't live in the district he's running in
source: nationalreview.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Right Wing Watch)
 
 
 
Did you know Trump was anointed by God himself to subdue all nations threatening God's purposes? BECAUSE HE TOTALLY WAS
source: rightwingwatch.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon April 17, 2017
(Economist)
 
 
 
Canada agrees on free trade with itself
source: economist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rocketnews 24)
 
 
 
Ian McCulloch, frontman for Echo & the Bunnymen and an above-it-all self-proclaimed "genius" whose exaggerated bravado is admittedly backed up by some pretty good songs, flees Japan before scheduled show as North Korean tensions flare up
source: en.rocketnews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
Democratic Party's best challenger to conservative lightning rod, Rep Steve King of Iowa, is a former psychic who called herself 'the Spirit Weaver'
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Shubie)
 
 
 
Photoshop this self-centered surfer
source: athinorama.gr   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun April 16, 2017
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Wearing a bunny suit doesn't mean you won't get slapped for being a jerk, but if you're a police officer, you may want to restrain yourself
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat April 15, 2017
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Alec Baldwin's rambling, self-indulgent new memoir unwittingly reveals the star to be every bit as hot-headed, egotistical and painfully thin-skinned as President Trump. SAD
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri April 14, 2017
(Action News Jacksonville)
 
 
 
Step right up, folks, and see the self-scalped Florida man with the .417 BAC. Make room for the kids. You there, sir, come join us and look at the freak. C'mon folks, and see this national treasure
source: actionnewsjax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Times)
 
 
 
Retired Keebler elf Jeff Sessions is surprised that people aren't getting behind his plans to recriminalize marijuana growing, sales, possession and use
source: washingtontimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Russia has investigated itself and determined that the Syria gas attack was staged
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Do you have a home bar? Is it an elaborate set-up or just a refrigerator and a shelf with booze ?
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu April 13, 2017
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Tesla's coming out with a semi which will be electric and somewhat self-driving. "We believe the Tesla Semi will deliver a substantial reduction in the cost of cargo transport, while increasing safety and making it really fun to operate"
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(GQ)
 
 
 
Exiled Keebler Elf and current US Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, is using his job to purge America of people who don't look like him
source: gq.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Pearl Mackie just alienated herself from Doctor Who fans because she assumed the TARDIS ran on space gas
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
"Five years ago, I never would have envisioned myself suing a president of the United States on an issue that I believe is an issue of morality, and yet here we are"
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reddit)
 
 
 
Jenna Elfman hosts an AMA; enturbulation ensues. Sample question: "How long have David Miscavige and Tom Cruise been dating?"
source: reddit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed April 12, 2017
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt wants to reassign EPA funds supposed to be invested into protecting the U.S. environment for protecting something much more valuable instead: himself
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Brandy drinking city councillor in hot water for sexually harassing elf, drinking brandy. 'I'm always at work and I'm always drinking'"
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
'Fate of the Furious' deemed a miss: tiresomely long with plot and characters recycled from The Matrix and Brosnan's Bond films, padded with many self-serious leaden monologues, and directed by guy who can't do suspense. Yeah, you'll see it
source: avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
And today's Hollywood celeb who has totally disappeared from the radar - Jenna Elfman
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Schiff: Recuse myself? In your moment of failure? I think you overestimate your chances
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue April 11, 2017
(MSN)
 
 
 
Mitt Romney really did have binders full of women, check it out for yourself
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
The full story of Elastica's 1995 self-titled debut album, one of the great albums of the 90s
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
United's CEO doubles down: "Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?"
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon April 10, 2017
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
In news that comes too late for most Farkers, engineers with expertise in self-driving technology can name their own price and work anywhere they want. Thanks Mom; for encouraging me to get that degree in invertebrate anatomy
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Man who shot and killed Texas deputy is found to have committed suicide by shooting himself fifteen times in the head
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Controversial: It's extremely selfish to want to reproduce yourself, because it's ultimately for your own benefit(s), while no child ever gave consent to be conceived
source: jkdgo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
"The cancer in the presidency isn't his staff-though they reflect his shoddy intellect, his shallow impulsiveness, his loose grasp of reality, and Chinese-menu ideology. The problem is Trump himself, and nothing and no one can change that"
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New Yorker)
 
 
 
♫ And you may find yourself dining at Mar-a-Lago; and you may find yourself talking to a narcissist; and you may find yourself watching the demise of the world order; and you may ask yourself, Xi, how did you get here? ♫
source: newyorker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun April 09, 2017
(CBC)
 
 
 
100 years ago today, a 50-year-old nation sent 4 divisions up a ridge, forged itself an identity, and added the name Vimy Ridge to history
source: newsinteractives.cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat April 08, 2017
(Science Alert)
 
 
 
Today in 'fark you cancer news": Scientists have found a new way to get cancer cells to self-destruct
source: sciencealert.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri April 07, 2017
(Patch)
 
 
 
National Rifle Association employee accidentally shoots self at National Firearms Museum to become national embarrassment
source: patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Winners)
 
 
 
Photoshop this bronze selfie. Difficulty level: no 1968
source: d3el53au0d7w62.cloudfront.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Popular Mechanics)
 
 
 
Worried about escalating tensions with China, Russia, Iran and North Korea? Buy this deactivated underground ICBM launch center in Missouri to protect yourself from the impending nuclear apocalypse
source: popularmechanics.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Pro tip, dude: Before you surrender yourself to the court, check your pockets and make sure you didn't leave any weed in there
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu April 06, 2017
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
If you are a prospect for a major league baseball team, please refrain from posting videos of yourself snorting cocaine online
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rochester Democrat and Chronicle)
 
 
 
New York approves testing for self-driving cars, wants to see if autonomous vehicles will figure out how to flip the bird at, cut off, and shoot at other drivers
source: democratandchronicle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KCRA 3 Sacramento)
 
 
 
A woman taking a selfie falls off a 730 foot tall bridge but only makes it 60 feet. 1. What fraction of the total distance did she fall? 2. What are the odds that the picture came out blurry and she'll have to take it again?
source: kcra.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
NewsFlash
 
Devin Nunes to temporarily recuse himself from the Russia investigation for - according to him - no apparent reason whatsoever
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Taser International, in response to Jeff Sessions' plans to end police accountability, offers free bodycams and cloud storage to all US police agencies for one year. Also, renames itself to "Axon." Feeling nervous?
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
If you're not working and on disability don't post pictures on Facebook of yourself jet skiing and big game fishing in Costa Rica
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed April 05, 2017
(Vice)
 
 
 
VPN services that steal your personal data are the best way to protect yourself from GOP legislation that legalizes your ISP's ability to steal your personal data. Wait, what?
source: motherboard.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Page Six)
 
 
 
When Katy Perry is feeling insecure she Googles hot pictures of herself
source: pagesix.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Right Wing Watch)
 
 
 
Sack of hate potatoes Pat Buchanan calls Vladimir Putin "godly," says the Russian/US President will fight "self-indulgent secularism"
source: rightwingwatch.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mashable)
 
 
 
People are migrating from Twitter to Mastodon. Soon to be followed by the Bigelf and Wolfmother migrations
source: mashable.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue April 04, 2017
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Jenna Jameson shares selfie at 39 weeks pregnant. Baby expected to literally just fall out of her any day now
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon April 03, 2017
(Townhall)
 
 
 
Hear me out: The most loving act President Trump can do for Clinton is give her the professional and institutional help that will uphold justice-and prevent her from further hurting herself or others
source: townhall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
One man patrols the mean streets of a city in England, righting wrongs and defending the language. Meet the Grammar Vigilante, armed only with his self-made weapon, The Apostrophiser (video)
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat April 01, 2017
(Fark)
 
 
 
I was given a couple large bottles of Sangria syrup (Starbucks brand). What can I make with this that a plebe like myself would enjoy? Non-alcoholic drinks preferred but I am open to anything. ...Anything
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri March 31, 2017
(Occupy Democrats)
 
 
 
Trump thinking about firing himself
source: occupydemocrats.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
It's true, it's true that Wrestlemania Weekend kicks off with the WWE Hall of Fame Ceremony. Find yourself a tag team partner playa (a glamazon perhaps) and get ready to rock and roll. It'd be rude to miss it. Self high fives, 8pm on the WWE Network
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
If you haven't scored Valium or an elf cutout from your Uber yet, you're not trying hard enough
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
If you ever said to yourself, "Self, I wish someone would have the decency, courage, and creativity to finally create a statue of pregnant Beyonce made out of brie cheese, and call it 'Brie-Once'," then today's your lucky day
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu March 30, 2017
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Angel of Death gets to meet himself
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
Travel Protip: when waiting at the gate for your flight, if you discover the .38 snubbie that TSA missed in your purse, just keep it to yourself
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Milton Keynes Citizen)
 
 
 
Pupils defend super hot teacher after she is suspended over 'inappropriate' selfie shot
source: miltonkeynes.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
New picture book 'Santa's Husband' portrays Santa in a gay, interracial relationship. NTTAWWT
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed March 29, 2017
(The Hill)
 
 
 
A news artifact from the Before Times when using one's elected office to personally enrich yourself was considered a crime: The FBI reveals that one of Rep. Aaron Schock's own staffers was their informant and he recorded conversations with Schock
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