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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		The best British album of the past 60 years, according to Brits? Iron Maiden's The Number of the Beast  (nme.com)	(48)
		Man disappears in Niagara Falls whirlpool; presumed to be spinning in his grave  (thespec.com)	(67)

		70 years ago today Czech partisans made Hitler very angry  (bbc.co.uk)	(101)
(KETV)		Couple married for 65 years reveals secret of marital bliss: wearing matching outfits wherever they go  (ketv.com)	(89)
		Born in Malaysia in 1923, after 3 years as a Japanese POW during WWII, 3 years fighting for the US Army in Korea, and an act of Congress to become a US citizen, he still says "every day is a holiday." He's also submitter's dad  (nj.com)	(169)

		One man's insane 17 year quest to change the name of the St. Louis Rams will come to an end when the team moves in a few years  (stltoday.com)	(25)
		Paleoanthropologist predicts that evolution deniers will become extinct within 30 years  (nytimes.com)	(124)
		For first time in 14 years, ugly assed baby meerkat born at Tulsa zoo. w/vid  (tulsaworld.com)	(18)
		Neon, who knows how long she can go before she burns away. 77 years at least  (latimes.com)	(7)
		Sixty-four-year-old Gregg Allman on his soon to be seventh bride, 40 years his junior: "This time, I really am in love"  (content.usatoday.com)	(62)
		Jurassic Park was built by prisoners in Cuba, with obligatory pics of prehistoric Cubans fighting cave-bears  (io9.com)	(27)

		Woman reunited with bike she lost 41 years ago  (huffingtonpost.com)	(40)
(Some Guy)		Britney Spears has to leave set of X-Factor after hearing someone other than herself butcher her song  (mega949.com)	(40)
		Seriously, who doesn't like bears falling from trees?  (news.yahoo.com)	(47)

		Sorry about the five years you spent in prison because I falsely accused you of rape. Wanna be friends on Facebook?  (huffingtonpost.com)	(392)
		Caucasians near the border with Georgia are threatening to make a fuss over what happened 150 years ago. No, that other thing  (thedailybeast.com)	(32)
		A&E cancels "Dog the Bounty Hunter" after eight seasons, or 56 in human years  (nydailynews.com)	(64)
		Lawyers for 9/11 defendants argue that a fair, impartial trial is impossible after Bush and Obama spent the last 11 years calling them "terrorists" in the national media. This is what happens when you let terrorists have lawyers  (google.com)	(87)
		NYPD has suspect in custody who has admitted involvement in the disappearance of Etan Patz 33 years ago  (nydailynews.com)	(53)

		Study proves that nuclear power is safe for twenty years, every twenty years  (sciencedaily.com)	(179)
(OWS)		During the best period of economic growth in 100 years, the 1950s & 1960s, the 1% got only a 1/5 of what it gets today  (niemanwatchdog.org)	(242)
		How to destroy the internet? Thought Nyan cat took care of that years ago  (gizmodo.com)	(24)
		4 Years and a Bucket of Hope: The change that never came  (news.yahoo.com)	(49)
		"It's vodka today, but it could be underwear five years from now if this isn't nipped in the bud"  (news.blogs.cnn.com)	(32)

		Alien hunter and SETI scientist who inspired Jodie Foster's role in Contact retires after 35 years. And so concludes her tale. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Goodnight, and keep watching the skis, uh skies  (dailymail.co.uk)	(29)
(Perez Hilton)		Glee star Naya Rivera's pole-dancing video, "leaked." By leaked we mean: by a guest on last week's episode, just before she graduates on the show, and from Spike TV, five years ago. May be Not safe for work. Cheerio  (perezhilton.com)	(60)
		Former Secretary of State Colin Powell on renewing his endorsement he gave Barack Obama four years ago: Yeah, about that "transformational figure" thingy  (abcnews.go.com)	(97)
(Some Guy)		Today is World Goth Day. Be sure to not wish any of them a 'Happy' day. Perhaps a 'Have a melancholy, bittersweet day full of tears and poetry' Day  (huffingtonpost.co.uk)	(230)
		If you've spent 3 years and made 750 debug attempts while trying to write six lines of code, you're probably a bad programmer. Or maybe you've been trying to program DNA  (nature.com)	(14)

		You do not know real fear until you realize Britney Spears is playing golf right behind you  (azcentral.com)	(36)
		WaPo has decided that something a small group of Mormons did back over 150 years ago is relevant to Romney today. So when are they bringing up Obama's Grandpa Jefferson Davis  (weeklystandard.com)	(234)
		Members of Congress now have the vocabulary of 10th-graders, down a grade from five years ago, and before that Daniel Patrick Moynihan kept throwing off the curve  (npr.org)	(110)
		Dharum Ravi, who bullied and shamed his gay roommate into killing himself and could have received up to 10 years in prison, gets a 30-day jail sentence and community service. That'll learn him  (nj.com)	(431)
(Some Guy)		The Fukushima nuclear plant disaster is dwarfed by earthquake in North-Italy. As many as 200,000 cheeses lost, region to smell like jockstrap for years  (thejakartapost.com)	(41)
		Dale Sveum says he may "shakeup" the Cubs lineup after several disappointing weeks. It hasn't worked for the past 104 years, but keep trying  (suntimes.com)	(13)
		At the Billboard Music Awards, Miley Cyrus wore what appears to be...some random dude's sports jacket  (dailymail.co.uk)	(52)

		"The trouble is, of course, that almost no one can accumulate that much money - in rough terms, about 25 years of living expenses after Social Security and pensions - just by investing in safe assets"  (nytimes.com)	(68)
		Listen doctor, we didn't mind you electrocuting those troublesome mental patients' brains for all those years, but now that you're writing about it and publishing, we're gonna have to put a stop to it. KTHXZAP  (statesman.com)	(15)
		It appears that even the Brits know not to screw with the native American's burial practices  (latimes.com)	(46)

		FARK: Target fires "well-liked" employee after 16 years. TotalFark: For leaving late to take her meal breaks. UltraFark: 3 times in 18 months. Law$uitFark: She has a disability that makes it difficult for her to keep track of time  (sacbee.com)	(166)
		Famous straight actor slaps obscure gay reporter for attempted sexual overture and it's captured on camera ... our culture will still be parsing this fifty years from now  (huffingtonpost.com)	(55)
(Some Guy)		FDA releases little page on their web site stating that within the past ten years 1,000,000 people have been killed by drugs the FDA had previously deemed "safe"  (infowars.com)	(164)
		Sometimes there is a man who wears a mask, and drinks terrifying amounts of booze. Challenge accepted  (dailymail.co.uk)	(51)

		Woman claims bungee facelift invention took 10 years off her face -- but c'mon, that's quite a stretch  (wxyz.com)	(15)
		There appears to be a market for fetuses and dead babies, fetuses that have been roasted and covered in gold leaf bring in a bit more cash due to the 'good luck' factor  (news.yahoo.com)	(136)
(Outside the Redzone)		15 years later......Interleague play opens with a rematch of the 1997 World Series  (outsidetheredzone.com)	(33)
		"How could [Obama] have been in his church for 20 years and not assimilated some of the things that he was talking about?"  (politico.com)	(229)
		Help me, Prudence, you're my only hope. My mom let me play with her breasts for years after I stopped breast-feeding, and now she's doing it with my sister. How do I stop it?  (slate.com)	(98)
		32 years ago today, Mount St. Helens really lost it  (wired.com)	(56)
		Oceans full of "dead zones" where nothing lives could only be 40 years away - and in some places that is already reality  (mirror.co.uk)	(160)
		And today's tough lunch choice, real boiled pigs ear or fake boiled pigs ear?  (telegraph.co.uk)	(17)

(Some Guy)		Did you know there were bacteria where the cells only subdivide once every 100,000+ years, and that there were viruses that appear to have survived for 50 million years in crystal inclusions without ever dividing? Hold me (after the Purelle)  (moreintelligentlife.com)	(33)
		Thumbs, Dolphins And 98 Other Things That Will Not Exist In 1,000 Years  (teamcoco.com)	(68)
		In the final 90 seconds of the season Manchester City win the English Premier League for first time in 44 years. Home video of entirely unbiased and disinterested Manchester United and Manchester City fans reaction  (youtube.com)	(33)
		Sears plans on abandoning their Canada operations, as the demand for plaid flannel, maple syrup, moose traps, and goofy hats with floppy ears has declined sharply  (chicagotribune.com)	(16)
		After two years and a $1.5 million stimulus, study on erectile dysfunction doesn't stand up  (dailymail.co.uk)	(35)

		New York state senator honors MCA with resolution: WHEREAS, The music and message of the Beastie Boys evolved over the years, but they can't, they don't, they won't stop  (gothamist.com)	(21)
		Despite years of trying to grow the donor pool, replacement organs are still in critically short supply for people whose names aren't Dick Cheney or Steve Jobs. The solution? Tax credits for organ donors  (npr.org)	(169)
		Buffalo detectives solve 1994 murder after finally realizing that the guy who "found" the dismembered corpse in his yard had spent the last forty years racking up convictions for raping and killing his way across New York  (buffalonews.com)	(23)
		What do you do with a drunken Saylor? Put some clothes on her til she's sober. HO HO and up she rises. Ear-lye in the morning  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(38)
		"Bobby" Jindal attacks Obama saying he has "Never ran a state, never ran a business, never ran a lemonade stand." which is true, unless you count his experience running The UNITED STATES for the last 4 years  (abcnews.go.com)	(217)
		30 years from now: some predictions  (buzzfeed.com)	(67)
		Judge orders suspect freed on $150,000 bond as long as he wears his ankle monitor and gets his book reports in by Friday  (upi.com)	(9)
		Haitian immigrant, rescued at sea by the Coast Guard as a 6-year-old boy, will graduate from the US Coast Guard Academy 18 years later  (ap.stripes.com)	(43)
		Hey, Britney Spears, what's shaking? Oh... well, asked and answered, I guess  (thesun.co.uk)	(71)

		Subby Here, reporting from Chicago and...... Gahhhhhh..... my ears  (huffingtonpost.com)	(291)
(Some Guy)		US-Israel Security Cooperation Act passes almost unanimously. "Try as I might, I can't think of a single thing this "ally" has ever done for me, or any other American citizen, in my 57 years"  (lewrockwell.com)	(379)
		Four years after the crash and three years after the biggest bailout in US history, Wall Street can still get away with losing billions in risky trades. Here's why  (motherjones.com)	(52)
		Okinawa celebrates 40 years of independence from America, where independence is apparently defined as having one gigantic U.S. air base on your territory  (japantoday.com)	(76)
		Man cares for Maine's largest elm tree since 1956, until it died 2 years ago. When his "turn came" at 103, he's buried in a casket made from its wood  (hosted.ap.org)	(73)
		When a company has a monopoly they can raise power rates for the 7th time in 11 years and then throw a lavish party the next day  (cbc.ca)	(97)

		Armed robbers tell tow truck driver "Your money or your wife." Hubby won't be getting any sugar for the next fifty years  (miamiherald.com)	(32)
		March 2012: Oil rises on Greek debt fears. May 2012: Oil falls on Greek debt fears  (bloomberg.com)	(63)
(KABB)		2008: City installs beautiful fountain in middle of roundabout. 2012: City finally decides to remove eyesore of a fountain from middle of roundabout due to it being hit by cars 26 times in 3 1/2 years  (foxsanantonio.com)	(92)

		Welcome everyone, to this years Mother's day P&C event. If you have not done so already, please collect your bag of complimentary chocolate penises from the registration table  (news.com.au)	(60)
		After 12 years, fifty-two year old immigrant janitor finally earns his degree from the Ivy League school at which he works. FARK: With the degree he chose, janitor is probably about the only job that he'll be able to get  (ajc.com)	(111)
(Some Guy)		Man gets 10 years for 19th DUI. With good behavior, he'll be working on number 20 in five years  (fox8.com)	(344)
		Dalai Lama fears being eaten by sharks, lack of total consciousness  (thedailybeast.com)	(54)
		Wedge issues, victory laps, macho symbolism... It appears Obama is using the GOP's playbook against it. Well, shooting hoops may not be as macho as clearing brush, but it's a start  (huffingtonpost.com)	(64)
(star gazette)		That cute girl sitting next to you in college 60 years ago? Maybe it's time to finally ask her to marry you  (stategazette.com)	(15)
		After 9 years and nearly 900 games in the minors, Milwaukee's Edwin Maysonet takes advantage of his first big-league start since 2009 in grand fashion  (mlb.mlb.com)	(13)

		Don Nelson, at age 73, is the winningest coach in NBA history. Today, 50 years after leaving school for the NBA, he received his college degree  (sfgate.com)	(11)
		Two hundred and fifty years ago the Earl of Sandwich stayed up all night playing cards and invented the sandwich so you can do the same  (bbc.co.uk)	(134)
		Former Dolphin and current Bear Brandon Marshall says Miami's QB situation is foundationally solid and the WR corps can expect years of success. Just kidding. He said Jerry Rice in his prime wouldn't have succeeded there  (aol.sportingnews.com)	(30)
		After 20 years, Mike Powell's world record in the long jump still stands. Yes ... a man can fly  (youtube.com)	(63)

(Some Guy)		News: Conspiracy theorist fears cops are following her. Truth: They are. Fark: because they put a GPS tracker on her car and are trying to secretly get it back  (coloradoan.com)	(79)
		WWII fighter found perfectly preserved in the Sahara 70 years after it disappeared. Pilot unaccounted for but is likely somewhere nearby making a scale model of Devil's Tower out of mashed potatoes  (dailymail.co.uk)	(155)
		Joss Whedon's "Firefly" crew, flying high ten years later. (SPOILER ALERT: it's not coming back.)  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(151)
		Redskins introducing 1937 throwback jerseys, with "a rich, darker color palate," a patch from the early years, and a helmet that has "a unique, leather-like finish." and pockets, it appears (pic)  (washingtonpost.com)	(70)
(Some Guy)		North Carolina passes amendment banning same sex marriage. AND A CHALLENGER APPEARS  (addictinginfo.org)	(494)
		DC's mayor wants you to know that, sure, he's given his son and daughter thousands of dollars worth of Verizon Center Sky Suite tickets to see acts like Jay-Z, Kanye West, and Britney Spears, but that was all totally to help the city  (wtop.com)	(50)
		Have you bought an iPod in the last six years? Well guess what? You are currently suing Apple  (theatlanticwire.com)	(148)
		I'm no Biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure Jesus never ripped off a chunk of someone's earlobe for not doing the dishes  (couriermail.com.au)	(25)

		Mayans renew humanity's subscription for "Existence", good for another 7,000 years  (news.nationalgeographic.com)	(123)
		We've been trimming our nails wrong for more than 100 years  (gizmodo.com)	(67)
		The Obama Economy rears its ugly head as the U.S. posts a $59.1 billion budget deficit in April. Wait, I'm sorry, did I say loss? I meant surplus  (bloomberg.com)	(206)
		Before being sentenced to twenty-two years in prison for killing a 90-year-old man, inmate vows to repent in prison and asks the court for mercy. Then he flips off the television cameras  (azfamily.com)	(28)
(Some Guy)		To the untrained ear, Barkley was making a playful jab. But to the expert that is earus teabagus, one hears the truth: Charles Barkley wants to kill the next POTUS and rape his children, because they're white  (godfatherpolitics.com)	(103)

(Some Guy)		Wolfenstein 3D is 20 years old. Let's kill Hitler  (wolfenstein.bethsoft.com)	(95)
		I saw a wolf in New Brunswick for the first time in 150 years. His hair was perfect  (ctv.ca)	(32)
(NBCDFW)		It takes nine years for school to be taught how to spell its own name  (nbcdfw.com)	(39)

		After only campaigning for five years, you can't expect Mitt Romney to have a position on a major issue like immigration yet  (huffingtonpost.com)	(88)
		Woman gives birth in a Tim Horton's. This is the first time in years they've had a delivery that wasn't trucked in frozen from Ontario  (cbc.ca)	(38)
		The only time left-wingers have taken charge in the last 40 years without decimating the economy was during the Clinton years when Republicans in Congress balanced the budget  (townhall.com)	(80)

		Assassin bug wears victims' corpses as camouflage-armor  (gizmodo.com)	(40)
		Astronomers find a cluster of galaxies 12.7 *billion* light years away. Seriously, that's Farking amazing  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(95)
(Business Insider)		If you throw out the two bad years, under Bush the economy created 130K jobs per month. If you throw out Obama's first year, the economy created 131K jobs per month. It's almost as if the president has no real control over job creation   (articles.businessinsider.com)	(112)
		The sole Canadian on US death row claims he is a changed man. He hasn't watched hockey in years, eats Dunkin Donuts, puts ketchup on his freedom fries and measures summer in months not hours  (news.yahoo.com)	(86)
		After 4 1/2 years, Shaquille O'Neal earns a Ph.D. It would have been sooner but part of his doctoral thesis included having to make seven of ten free throws  (newser.com)	(37)
		I'm eating some Braunschweiger for the first time in a couple of years. I'm sorry, Braunschweiger. None of those other deli meats mean anything to me. It's only you, Braunschweiger  (fark.com)	(272)

		Lawyer spends 11 years proving inmate's innocence. He offers to pay for her gender-reassignment surgery. "It was a very sweet gesture on his part," she said. "But he really needs to focus on taking care of himself first"  (denverpost.com)	(322)
		Not news: Heart surgeons discover new information on the structure of the mitral valve. News: After reading an essay written by Leonardo da Vinci 500 years ago  (express.co.uk)	(22)
		Remember that AAirpass you bought years ago that gave you unlimited first class tickets to anywhere in the world? Turns out when you use it, it costs us money, so we're going to cancel it, ban you from flying us and sue you  (latimes.com)	(102)
(Some Guy)		Seventy-five years ago, one of the Internet's greatest memes was born. Oh the huge manatee  (mycentraljersey.com)	(64)
		Show up for work? Earn awards? Arrested 40 years ago? That's a firin'  (jsonline.com)	(85)
		Senate moves to OK booze-by-mail 103 years later  (newser.com)	(58)

		Man astounded to find live turtle his son carved his initials into 47 years ago -- but c'mon, just how far do you expect a turtle to travel in that length of time?  (upi.com)	(79)
		Disney's most interesting animated film in years is out at the end of the month, and unless you live in India you can't see it  (slashfilm.com)	(48)
		Sorry I haven't paid my bills in six years but I'm trying to sell my $3.2m Aston Martin, which got stolen by a Yakuza boss who had me beaten up by martial arts experts when I tried to repossess it  (stuff.co.nz)	(17)
		Photographer toured East Germany just after the fall of the Berlin Wall taking photos of decayed buildings. Ten years later he took photos again of the same things to show how capitalism revitalized what communism allowed to decay  (spiegel.de)	(148)

		Warrant issued after man has part of ear bitten off at bar. Still, that's gotta be better than most Scottish cuisine  (news.stv.tv)	(31)
		Romney on today's anemic job report: "We should be seeing 500,000 jobs a month." Reality: there have only been 4 months in the last 50 years with that kind of growth  (huffingtonpost.com)	(197)
		The Delta blues owes its near-mythic origins to slavery, gospel music, Jim Crow, the bayou, cotton fields, whiskey, shotgun shacks, midnight deals with Satan at the crossroads--and the catalogs of Sears, Roebuck & Co  (reason.com)	(52)
(ProPublica)		TSA complaint levels are down - because the TSA sits on complaints for four years hoping the complainants will simply go away  (propublica.org)	(64)
		Oh yeah, Japan? A challenger appears  (youtube.com)	(25)
		Sorry we fired you for defying military censors and reporting on the surrender of the enemy a day before everyone else....at the end of WWII. You know. 67 years ago. We're cool, right?  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(35)
		Even after 143 years, Major League Baseball manages another first as two starting pitchers squared off against each other on their birthday  (mlb.mlb.com)	(37)
		Not news: girl saves friend using Heimlich Maneuver. Fark: she learned it on TV. Ultra Fark: she's six years old  (sacbee.com)	(41)
		Species of bee that likes to drink human tears recently discovered in and around Politics tab  (dailymail.co.uk)	(53)

(Nothing will happen dear)		Next up, the oddest and most disturbing baseball sex scandal in years that should finally get Ohio a fark tag  (newsnet5.com)	(9)
		New study suggests that jogging less than two hours per week can add years to your life. Less than two hours? My God, we're going to live forever  (gizmodo.com)	(25)
		After five years, taxi driver suddenly decides to tell the world's media he remembers taking missing girl in the back of his car (with bonus pic of him pointing to precisely where she sat)  (dailystar.co.uk)	(16)
		10 years, 200 episodes and counting. Why Mythbusters is *STILL* the best nerd show on TV  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(107)
		Donald Rumsfeld said giving the order to kill Osama Bin Laden was an 'easy call', except when he pulled the plug on a similar raid over fears of infuriating Pakistan  (politico.com)	(146)

		The bad news is that you've been caught after killing your mother and grandmother. The good news is that your mug shot will make every top 50 list for the next 10 years  (boston.com)	(74)
		Good news: City Comptroller did not steal $30 million from the city over the course of ten years. Bad news: City Comptroller stole $53 million from the city over the course of twenty years  (qctimes.com)	(127)
		It's been forty years since the American workforce had benefits and salary that ran parallel to economic growth, and those forty years have been full of pay disparity based on both race and gender  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(199)
		Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law means you cannot be prosecuted for using deadly force against an attacker-unless you're a woman who fires a warning shot to stop your husband's attack-then you get 20 years  (theatlanticwire.com)	(448)
		Though it only came out a handful of years ago, we're already getting a Van Helsing reboot...starring Tom Cruise  (insidemovies.ew.com)	(107)

		Moore's Law is due to expire in about 10 years or so  (foxnews.com)	(80)
		As Romney keeps saying that even Carter would have killed bin Laden, let's remember that Carter is a graduate of the Naval Academy who served for 10 years. That's 10 years more than the cumulative service of the Romney family  (theatlantic.com)	(222)
		After 236 years, American independence is fully vindicated  (express.co.uk)	(56)
		Britney Spears in the cheap buffet capital of the world? Gee, what could possibly go wrong?  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(46)
		Orlando magically disappears in the third quarter  (nba.com)	(13)
		Sears turns a profit  (chicagotribune.com)	(17)
		40 years ago, Turd Ferguson freed the Bandit and became a cultural icon (Not safe for work)  (bbc.co.uk)	(16)

		Old woman is given the ears of a chihuahua (sadly, not surgically, because that would look awesome)  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(46)
		Actual quote from man held hostage by German Nymphomaniac. He fought back tears to tell them: "I met her on a bus. She invited me back here. It was hell. I can't walk. Please help me"  (thesun.co.uk)	(209)
		Zac Effron says HE'LL commit suicide if he hears anymore High School Musical songs  (express.co.uk)	(53)
		Submitter has been a Fark liter for 10 years. Why should he upgrade?  (fark.com)	(398)
		The silliest complaints to the UK film regulator. 'Every time Judi Dench swears in a film, we expect complaints'  (uk.movies.yahoo.com)	(41)

		A real-life Norman Bates has been busted for fraud for dressing up like his dead mother for six years and collecting her benefits. But he doesn't believe he's done anything wrong-because he actually believes he is his mother  (newser.com)	(41)
		Wiffle Balls are almost 60 years old, and you still shouldn't squeeze them  (livescience.com)	(50)
		Celebrate the Hubble Space Telescope turning 22 with this amazing gallery of pictures it has taken over the years  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(57)

The world fears being plunged into anarchy and chaos as the Prince of Lichtenstein threatens to step down. Yeah, so, apparently Lichtenstein has a prince, who knew?  (news.yahoo.com)

(136)

		Twenty years after the Rodney King riots, Battlestar Galactica's Bill Adama chimes on racial relations in LA, destroying those frackin toasters  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(106)
		50 years ago co-pilot Major Ron Salt helped lift the new 80-foot spire onto Coventry cathedral after it had been destroyed by the Luftwaffe. This morning he climbed back up there to check out his handiwork  (bbc.co.uk)	(23)
		Professor uses 35 years of medical research to show that it's okay to have sexy time with your cousin  (stuff.co.nz)	(99)

		A computer will win a Pulitzer Prize within 5 years asserts the man who invented the news-story-writing algorithm that will destroy what remains of journalism  (wired.com)	(32)
		56 years ago today, the first container ship set sail bringing cheap products here, better economies and better wages abroad, huge carbon footprints, and a race to the bottom here. And cheap products  (wired.com)	(46)
		Is it better to feed 280,000 hungry children for 10 years, or use the same money to give a tax break for 3340 millionaires for one year? If you have to ask, you're not a Republican  (thinkprogress.org)	(486)
		Our long national nightmare has been realized: bears...IN SPACE  (foxnews.com)	(28)
		Meet the mother and her then unborn daughter who were treated like a King 20 years ago in Los Angeles  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(38)
		Wrestling fans have secretly been waiting for this for years. It's finally happened. You know it brother. It's pics from Hulkasextapemania  (tmz.com)	(119)
(Some Guy)		50 years into the space revolution and the new engine NASA is testing is... a modified version of the engine that lifted the Saturn Ib. Where are our warp drives and space colonies with green slave women?  (phys.org)	(78)

		After 70 years, Germany to publish new edition of 'Mein Kampf'. Tentative working title: Hitler: Göing Roguenfrauzen  (news.com.au)	(60)
		Chicago Bears announce the recipients of the 2011 Brian Piccolo Award....CAAAAAAAAAAAN   (chicagotribune.com)	(16)

		Unreleased track featuring Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes will be made available to mark the 10-year anniversary of her death. In related news, Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes died 10 years ago  (contactmusic.com)	(53)
		Bears repeating  (upi.com)	(41)
		Two years after signing a 4-year-deal worth $46 million, Darrelle Revis wants more money, 67 copies of Moby Dick, and naked pictures of Bea Arthur  (msn.foxsports.com)	(77)
		Britney Spears sells home for $4.2 million. LEAVE BRITNEY A LOAN  (tmz.com)	(14)
		The best way to mark the Queen's 60 years on the throne is with. A) A huge party. B) A statue. C) A commemorative can of beans  (dailymail.co.uk)	(66)
		Man spends 15 years in jail that was originally a 3 year sentence because.....c) his father would not pardon him "until he is proven to be righteous by his father"  (news.yahoo.com)	(91)
		Twenty two years of amazing images from the Hubble Space Telescope  (universetoday.com)	(8)
		Famous first scientist to be "alarmist" over global warming says he was "alarmist" over global warming. Also, see if this good you look when 900 years you reach  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(64)
		Tonight's newscast at WNEP in Scranton was interrupted by.. BEARS (video)  (deadspin.com)	(40)

		MLB fans, Tiger Stadium also just turned 100 years old (with simultaneously creepy/cool/sad/awesome pic of its current state with a ghosted-out photo superimposed on it)  (deadspin.com)	(38)
(Some Guy)		Cool: man films daughter once a week for twelve years. Not cool: from about age three on it looks like she basically NEVER SHUT UP  (kottke.org)	(38)
		If you murder your wife and bury her underneath the backyard shed, don't sell your house and move to another county. The police may not have forgotten about you, even if it's been 20 years  (baltimoresun.com)	(80)
		Not News: Guy arrested at McDonald's. News: He was charged with a felony and faces five years in prison. Fark: He was arrested because he asked for a cup of water, but put soda in it instead  (wptv.com)	(264)
		Happy birthday William Shakespeare - born today (we think) in 1564. His later years seemed to have just gone from Bard to verse  (huffingtonpost.com)	(16)
		Doctor solves the mystery of Frida Kahlo's infertility. No, it's not because she's been dead for 55 years, but that may be a contributing factor  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com)	(19)
		Extremely rare adult white killer whale spotted in the wild with his black counterparts. The whale appears to be healthy, socialized, not followed by mall security  (bbc.co.uk)	(59)

		Girl who went missing five years ago, aged three, is now in her mid 40s  (express.co.uk)	(62)
		35-year-old Milf cries tears of diamonds. The Sun is there, making her eyes all sparkly (w/pic)  (thesun.co.uk)	(167)

		The 100-Years Massacre continues in Boston  (sports.yahoo.com)	(76)
		Sam Wo's, the San Francisco restaurant that once featured "the world's rudest waiter" set to close its door after 100 years. How rude was he? "The Soup Nazi is the Dalai Lama compared to Edsel Ford Fung"  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(135)
		Care Bears reboot coming in June. Yet another childhood memory resurrected and ruined because Hollywood is truly out of ideas  (popwatch.ew.com)	(82)

(The Daily Star)		At least one killed in Japan's latest disaster... RAMPAGING BEARS  (dailystar.com.lb)	(49)
		A person opening the hotel door to the cops with "Hi, policeman" and testing positive for cocaine after being taken into custody normally isn't news. Unless he's four years old  (jacksonville.com)	(24)
(Some Guy)		Mel Gibson wears "top-notch Hollywood prosthetic" masks when he goes out to dinner, makes reservations under the name "Castor Troy"  (thewrap.com)	(50)
		Republicans, who are apparently REALLY slow readers have apparently just finished the early chapters of Obama's autobiography which was published 16 years ago  (abcnews.go.com)	(208)
		Not news: Another fan runs out on the field during MLB game. News: He's caught and gets ejected from the stadium by security. FARK: He's four years old  (deadspin.com)	(22)

		25 years ago today, the first Simpsons short aired during the Tracy Ullman show. 25 years ago tomorrow, the first complaint that The Simpsons isn't as good as it used to be  (youtube.com)	(76)
(Some Guy)		"A Korean fishing boat sank in New Zealand waters nearly two years ago because it was not watertight, an expert witness testified." What would we do without experts?  (tvnz.co.nz)	(28)
		Finally, someone takes a look at the big mystery surrounding politicians: why, in the past 100 years, was Michele Bachmann the only bearded presidential candidate?  (slate.com)	(54)
		Investigation finds that foreclosure workers are forced to work towards meeting quotas, which likely explains the almost-daily Fark "I got evicted but paid off my house five years ago" headlines   (economywatch.msnbc.msn.com)	(15)
		Sources tell the Washington Post that on one day 30 years ago, Mitt Romney experienced a genuine human emotion  (washingtonpost.com)	(48)
		After 38 years, 1000+ victories, and essentially creating NCAA women's basketball, Pat Summitt steps down as the head coach at Tennessee. There will never be another one like her  (espn.go.com)	(41)

		Amazing: At 49 years, 150 days, Jamie Moyer becomes oldest player in Major League history to record a win. More amazing: Not one of his pitches tops 80 mph  (baltimoresun.com)	(81)
(dumber than dumb)		"I tolerate all religions. Except those that want to kill me." -- Victoria Jackson, about the expansion of a mosque that's been in a TN town for 40 years  (newschannel5.com)	(154)
		Years before Mitt Romney tortured his dog on the roof of a car, Barack Obama ate one, and MSNBC hosts think it's HILARIOUS  (610wiod.com)	(435)

		New light bulb will purportedly last 25 years, could save the U.S. $3.9 billion per year if everyone used them. We're gonna turn it on. We're gonna bring you the power  (nydailynews.com)	(231)
		Delonte West earns the rare "finger in the ear" technical foul (w/video)  (deadspin.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)		The current Democratically-controlled Senate is the laziest in 20 years. Don't believe me? Here's your proof  (washingtonexaminer.com)	(141)
		Now that the Avengers movie is finally coming out, what can Marvel Studios do to top it? Plenty, apparently. "We have the comics. When you're producing a story a month for 45 years, there are enough great (ones)"  (io9.com)	(157)
		No Pulitzer prize for fiction was given for the first time in 35 years. Judges had considered "Obama, The Accomplishments of Change and All of That" and "Community, The Return of Must-See TV"  (hosted.ap.org)	(80)
		Researchers find evidence that "helicopter parenting" pre-dates the invention of the actual helicopter by nearly 2,000 years  (bbc.co.uk)	(28)

		After years of craving giant breasts, America's looking for more meat down below, if you know what I mean, and I think you do  (finance.yahoo.com)	(136)
(business insider)		After 30 years, Harrison Ford to sell his Brentwood mansion Promptly breaks the bad news to friends, neighbors, long time gardener and handyman, Mark Hamill  (businessinsider.com)	(91)
(Some Guy)		2Pac swears his "hologram" performance at Coachella last night will be his last  (soundblastr.com)	(81)
		Indian child, separated by circumstance from his family at five and adopted by Australians, finds his mom over 20 years later by using Google Earth  (news.cnet.com)	(45)
		Man tells wife who lost her voice for 33 years 'you were better when you couldn't talk', now won't hear the end of it  (dailymail.co.uk)	(33)
		Congratulations El Salvador, you just had your first murder-free day in almost three years  (news.yahoo.com)	(59)

		65 years ago today, a young, scared, talented kid put on a Brooklyn Dodgers uniform. You know how the story continues  (nydailynews.com)	(234)
		Mundane illustrations of modern life in 2012, as commissioned by Atari thirty years ago  (io9.com)	(44)

(Some Guy)		In the 106 years since Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity, scientists have largely accepted Time as Space's 4th dimension. A bold new theory says Time exists independently of Space, and Einstein can just suck it  (phys.org)	(196)
(Some Guy)		Anonymous hacker busted by A) Confidential informant B) 5 years FBI investigation C) EXIF data from pic of girlfriend's boobies. With nice sorta SFW pic in question  (houston.cbslocal.com)	(79)
		Britney Spears will get $15 million to judge the talents of others on national television  (eonline.com)	(38)

(ABC15)		Driver of hearse passes out on way to funeral and causes six-car accident. At least one dead  (abc15.com)	(25)
		Naked Vermont governor narrowly outruns four large bears. Now that's a man's man  (rawstory.com)	(67)
		Not news: Mensa accepts girl with an IQ of 159. News: she's four years old  (thesun.co.uk)	(119)
		Botox approved ten years ago this week to the delight of fish-lipped, stretch-faced women everywhere  (usatoday.com)	(13)

		Retiring German civil servant claims that for 14 years he did nothing, N-N-N-NOTHING  (telegraph.co.uk)	(104)
		Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher is into his own brand of fantasy football during the off season with Hollywood hottie Jenny McCarthy. #hescores  (bittenandbound.com)	(53)
		The biggest sci-fi movie disappointments of the past 20 years  (denofgeek.com)	(281)
		Newly digitized photos of the Titanic before it sank, taken by one of the passengers. Who would have guessed after 100 years his film would go on  (nydailynews.com)	(68)

		Estimated "savings" generated by the Buffett Rule over 10 years - $7 Billion. Estimated savings by cutting the federal budget by a measly 1% - $33.6 Billion. But it's never the spending  (nationalreview.com)	(542)
		50 years ago today the Mets were eliminated from the post-season for the first time  (nypost.com)	(18)

(Some Guy)		Man sentenced to 7.5 years for making Wild West theme park more genuine  (rapidcityjournal.com)	(61)
		Four years and 93 goals later, man who sold his life on eBay is now living on his own Caribbean island and has found love once again  (stuff.co.nz)	(139)
		95 years ago, the identity of Canada was forged as lumberjack commandos politely kicked in the teeth of the Hun at Vimy ridge, eh?  (torontosun.com)	(176)
		Team Obama: "We want Romney to release 23 years of his tax returns", Reporter: "Will you release 23 years of tax returns?", Team Obama: "Uh, no"  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(304)

		Hot chick quits Facebook because "peer pressure". *hands out jars* Come Farkers, let us collect her tears and savor their sweet, savory salty taste  (katu.com)	(243)
		Tears, sneers, and a guy with a head like a potato. It's this weeks Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com)	(170)
(Business Insider)		40 years after Japanese cars took over the American market, Japan itself is still behind a nearly impenetrable trade barrier  (businessinsider.com)	(42)

		Thirty years ago, Andy Kaufman battled Jerry "The King" Lawler and even today it is still real to the author dammit. Given all the ruses, the Letterman episode and performance art involved, subby has no clue which tab this goes to  (cnn.com)	(116)
		Your grandparents have two years to upgrade their operating system  (theregister.co.uk)	(70)
		Astrophysicists say the Universe is precisely 13.75 billion years old, However, they failed to factor in Daylight Savings Time  (news.discovery.com)	(144)
		Cris Carter calls for lifetime ban for Gregg Williams. Cris obviously learned respect for the well-being of his opponents during all those years he played for Buddy Ryan  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(113)
		Poldi the ginger tom cat has been found and returned to his owner after missing for 15 years - he was identified because of a tattoo on his ear. He's old and almost toothless now but still ready for Caturday  (bbc.co.uk)	(682)
		Nothing encapsulates Easter better than Courtney Stodden wearing stripper shoes, bunny ears and carrying a basket of eggs  (dailymail.co.uk)	(119)

		Dave Chappelle gives his first interview in 5 years  (uproxx.com)	(123)
		Changes in Earth's orbit 55 million years ago triggered severe global warming. The Sun was there  (dailymail.co.uk)	(68)

		If you're considering a Chevy Volt and what to know how long it takes to break even on fuel cost, it's 27 years  (nytimes.com)	(102)
		The underlying question behind this years' otherwise entertaining GOP primary season is when (not if) the religious right will move on from the Republican-in-name-only Republican Party  (thedailybeast.com)	(90)
(Some Guy)		Threatening the president will get you a $250,000 fine, five years in jail, no bail, a mental exam, and funny lips  (thedaleygator.wordpress.com)	(80)
(the daily breeze)		Official forced to apologize after pulling male high school student from "Mr Fullerton" contest for saying he wanted to be married in 10 years ... to a man  (dailybreeze.com)	(30)

		Great Moments in Socialized Medicine #9,190: British woman is ordered to find a different doctor from the one she's been seeing for 30 years because her 2-mile trips to see him are bad for the environment  (telegraph.co.uk)	(422)
		Black off-duty cop was found to have not discharged his weapon, still faces up to 80 years in prison for attempted murder, after using his body to assault 28 bullets fired by white cops  (huffingtonpost.com)	(271)
		Federal Appeals Court orders the Obama Administration to have the Constitutional Law Professor President give the judges a teaching moment to explain why 200+ years of precedent is wrong  (cbsnews.com)	(425)

		Mike Milbury thinks Sidney Crosby is a punk kid, Dan Bylsma wears a skirt, trading Chara for Yashin is a good deal  (theglobeandmail.com)	(170)
		Underground Vietnamese restaurant on Sunset Boulevard has industrial decor and all the hipster trimmings, including bartender who wears World Dodgeball Society T-shirt and asks if your food is "pho-bulous"   (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(41)
		Reds give Joey Votto an albatross contract that they will seriously regret in a couple years  (espn.go.com)	(69)
		Not News: The modern world is out of ideas. News: Movie-style poster appears on internet announcing sequel. FARK: It's from Al-Qaeda  (foxnews.com)	(46)
		How long should shoes last? Subby bought some decent dress shoes for work about 2 years ago and they're already starting to get separation between the sole and the leather (or whatever material it is)  (fark.com)	(282)

		After 48 years, 576,000 miles, and a story on Fark a few years back, 93-year-old Florida woman stops driving her beloved 1964 Mercury due to age-related macular degeneration  (foxnews.com)	(59)
		Thirty years ago today Argentina tried punching above its weight class  (theatlantic.com)	(138)
		New evidence shows that humans used fire 1,000,000-years-ago when it was known as harrackah  (news.com.au)	(26)

		Not News: Identical twins separated by adoption. Newsy: For 55 years. Fark: They've been living round the corner from each other  (mirror.co.uk)	(42)
		72 years of confidentiality expires; 1940 census records released, including for 21 million still alive. Top that, Visa and Mastercard, with your relatively small security breaches and data compromises  (abcnews.go.com)	(117)
		The most terrifying video you will see all day: the evolution of Lindsay Lohan's face over the years. Safe for work, but not your soul  (huffingtonpost.com)	(91)
		35 years of Apple Fools Day fun  (networkworld.com)	(6)
		Just so you know, if you ever walk into a bar with walls covered in one dollar bills that people have tacked up there over the years, you're not allowed to stuff a bunch of them in your pockets to take home as souvenirs for your friends  (nwfdailynews.com)	(34)

		On April 7, at age 49, Jamie Moyer will start a game for a team that didn't exist until 7 years after he was drafted  (sports.yahoo.com)	(73)
(busselton mail.com)		Against all odds, Squid the cat turns 97 (cat) years old. This article seemed appropriate as we celebrate another birthday this weekend - Caturday's one and only Alien  (busseltonmail.com.au)	(752)

Unlikely DVDs that have gotten hugely expensive over recent years. But you might still get five bucks for that Two Towers extended edition on eBay  (denofgeek.com)

(142)

(Slanch Report)		Jose Canseco preaches the good word about global warming and the plight of polar bears. Oh yeah, and apparently he thinks Al Gore is dead  (slanchreport.com)	(20)
		20th Century Fox pulls ads for its new film "Neighborhood Watch" out of fears that a comedy starring Vince Vaughan and Ben Stiller fighting aliens might be just a little too close to current events for comfort  (suntimes.com)	(114)
(Some Guy)		Guy comes out of the closet after 8 years, on Facebook. Friends are horrified, HORRIFIED, at the web design of his linked blog post, begin in-depth discussion on how to make it look better  (happyplace.com)	(253)
(Some Guy)		"Guys having a beer after their start has been going on for the last 100 years. This is retarded"  (cbssports.com)	(144)
(96.1 Kiss)		Michigan boy gets pet pig taken away due to city law, news cameras are there to capture his tears and one of the greatest child mullets ever seen  (961kiss.com)	(119)
		The 18 best excuses athletes have ever given to explain a positive drug test, including a vanishing twin that was absorbed in utero, thirty four years earlier  (mentalfloss.com)	(52)

		Good news Potter fans Pottermore is now selling E-Book versions of the books you already own 2 print versions of and have already digitally pirated because they wouldn't take your money for them 2 years ago Also, Snape kills dumbledore  (gizmodo.com)	(119)
		'Octomom' poses topless three years after eight-baby pregnancy and OH GOD, MY EYES (Not safe for work pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(151)

		33 years ago today, Indiana State and Michigan State faced off for the NCAA title. The most-watched college hoops game of all-time; Bird v. Magic; The Game that begat March Madness; Duke sucks  (youtube.com)	(30)
		Can Britain call time on 1,000 years of boozing? As far back as 1362, the Archbishop of Canterbury said: "The tavern is worshipped rather than the church, gluttony and drunkenness is more abundant than tears and prayers"  (mirror.co.uk)	(69)

(Some Shagger)		38 yr old woman gets 10 years for shagging 17 yr old student. Just kidding, she got probation  (hattiesburgamerican.com)	(128)
		Now is the best time to visit Yellowstone Park. As long as you don't mind all the snow and bears  (cleveland.com)	(38)
		Back in 1957, Jerry Lee Lewis married his 13-year-old cousin Myra Gale Brown. 55-years later he is engaged to Myra's younger brother's ex-wife Judith Brown. Even Hollywood couldn't come up with this tale  (spinner.com)	(81)

Haven't changed the way you drive in years? Then you're probably driving all wrong  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)

(101)

		Scientists confirm what the rest of us have known for years: if you want to live a longer life, stop listening to Enya  (newscientist.com)	(36)
		Dopes and Changes for the worse: "The U.S. intelligence community will now be able to store information about Americans with no ties to terrorism for up to five years under new Obama administration guidelines"  (npr.org)	(204)
		When you go to an event described as "500 acres of mud and party" with your wife to see strippers, you know it can only end in blood and tears  (wptv.com)	(66)

		Nine years and 150 pounds after appearing in Playboy, Carnie Wilson had her stomach reduced to golf ball size yet again. She hopes to land another photo shoot with the men's mag and/or live to see 50. (w/pics)  (bittenandbound.com)	(87)
(Heritage Foundation)		Good news for business owners and taxpayers. The 120 new federal regulations enacted last year will only cost you $1 billion a year for the next 15 years. Bonus: The Department of Justice says "You'll get over it"  (blog.heritage.org)	(84)
(Some Mummy)		Not news: Elderly woman buried last Friday after passing away. News: She died two years ago. Fark: Body was stored in the basement of funeral home  (sj-r.com)	(20)
		Bears. Bush. Battlestar Galactica  (chicagotribune.com)	(55)
		AP report shows that in 36 years of data, there isn't a single shred of evidence that shows more drilling reduces gas prices  (thinkprogress.org)	(77)

		By scoring a hat-trick, 24 year old Messi is now the all-time scoring leader for Barcelona. A record that stood for 57 years  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(39)
		"Two hours after [he was dead for 78 minutes] I whispered in his ear, 'What's your name?' and he said, 'Fabrice Muamba'. I said, 'I hear you're a really good footballer' and he said, 'I try'"  (bbc.co.uk)	(48)
		"Remember our wedding day, dear? You looked beautiful in white, the band played our favourite songs and I set fire to the venue and got 6 years in jail....... wonderful memories"  (bbc.co.uk)	(19)

		According to an estimate by Congress' official tax analysts, the "Buffett rule" tax on the rich would raise just $31b over 11 years. Or something like just another Tuesday of the defense budget  (washingtonpost.com)	(224)
(Washington Free Beacon)		Watch congressman Markey say the President has nothing to do with rising gas prices and then watch him blame a different President a few years ago for rising gas prices  (freebeacon.com)	(127)

		51 years later, Del Taco founder still drives 130 miles from home to look after Stores #1, 2 & 3: "The first bite should always have the meat and cheese together"  (ocregister.com)	(39)
		It turns out celebrity chefs like Rachael Ray, Jamie Oliver, and Gwyneth Paltrow might not have written and researched every single recipe that appears in their cookbooks  (mnn.com)	(216)
		Nice story about a flight attendant who has been working for United Airlines for 63 years. Coincidentally, the same amount of time since a United flight has been on schedule  (nytimes.com)	(61)
		Three years into the Most Transparent Administration Ever, how many states get an "A" grade for transparency, accountability, and low corruption? How does "zero" sound? And you'll never guess who actually ranks highest  (foxnews.com)	(91)
		Who was the most fiscally conservative president in the last 30 years? Hint: It's not any of the ones who talked the most about fiscal responsibility  (theatlantic.com)	(273)
		Man lives in 7ft hole for 22 years. The Sun is there, but he can't see it (w/pics)  (thesun.co.uk)	(65)

		After only ten years of American involvement in Afghanistan, Mitt Romney simply doesn't have enough information to make a decision on whether or not we should be there  (huffingtonpost.com)	(202)
		44 Years ago: The small-time crime that made a difference for all of us  (news.yahoo.com)	(117)
(Some Guy)		Ice cream parlor honors a coupon issued 26 years ago, according to the reporter who got the scoop  (billingsgazette.com)	(51)

		Nineteen year-old gets ten years in prison for having consensual sex with a fourteen year-old  (qctimes.com)	(461)
		Citing earthquake and aging fears, Japan considers abandoning Tokyo's entire elevated freeway system, replacing it with underground tunnels (w/ artist's rendition of New Tokyo)  (japantimes.co.jp)	(73)
		"Danny Boy", as only the Muppets could perform this classic without reducing us all to tears. Thank you Beaker  (youtube.com)	(11)
		After 40 years, Jimmy Page's lost soundtrack album will finally be released on CD  (rollingstone.com)	(31)

		"Video games allow us to explore our dreams, our fears, our thoughts, our morals, and engage with each other in a way that no other medium allows."- Chris Melissinos, curator, 'The Art of Video Games' exhibit. Opens 3/16  (networkworld.com)	(85)
		News: Guy helpfully drives his sister to the store at night to pick up some needed items. Which wouldn't be an issue if he wasn't eight years old  (sltrib.com)	(13)

		DeSean Jackson guarantees a Super Bowl win in the next five years. Upon hearing the news, Andy Reid used a timeout and called a long pass on 3rd and inches  (nfl.com)	(70)
		Texas baby missing for 8 years has been found. Authorities stunned to discover the baby is 5 feet tall and weighs nearly 100 pounds  (sacbee.com)	(120)
		This world champion wakeboarder and national champion snowboarder does four different backflips on the wakeboard and has sponsors lining up at her door. Fark: She's 8 years old  (smh.com.au)	(3)
		Since they've been living in sin for years and have all the appliances they need, more and more newlyweds are asking their guests for honeymoon donations instead of going with the traditional registry  (mnn.com)	(197)
		Texas bluesman Lightnin' Hopkins, born 100 years ago today - here's "Mr. Charlie"  (youtube.com)	(7)

		After 128 grueling years, effects of Viagra finally starting to wear off of George Washington  (cnn.com)	(33)
		Russian fox taming experiment, which has gone on for 54 years, may end due to lack of funding. Miniature giraffe breeding program is still going strong  (slate.com)	(51)
		Flyers fans starting to feel better about giving the Spaceman $51 million over 9 years as the Bryz posts his 3rd straight shutout  (nhl.com)	(54)
		And the NFL's Due Diligence Award goes to the Chicago Bears front office, trading for Brandon Marshall the day after he was involved in yet another brawl - this time with a woman punched in the eye  (espn.go.com)	(88)
		The Queen chews off her own son's balls as hardman Prince Harry appears in post-apocalyptic zombie comic. One is most amused  (shortlist.com)	(15)
		Ninety years ago this month a Russian scientist and inventor was summoned to meet Lenin. It was the start of an incredible journey that laid the foundations for modern electronic music, from the Beach Boys to Pink Floyd  (bbc.co.uk)	(43)
		Dick Cheney cancels his visit to Canada over fears Canadian terrorists might be gunning for him  (slatest.slate.com)	(245)

		Encyclopedia Britannica is going to stop printing new editions after 250 years. Space report kid inconsolable  (money.cnn.com)	(167)
		25 years ago, a new addiction hit the streets of Britain, claiming the time and finances of young men to this day  (bbc.co.uk)	(62)
		After 30 years, They Might Be Giants simply are  (wired.com)	(85)
		The bite caused her to lose part of an ear; hear no evil. She nearly lost her eyesight; see no evil. But she could speak and when she did she said SPIDER  (gma.yahoo.com)	(100)
		HBO's Game Change has given HBO their largest original movie audience in eight years  (deadline.com)	(131)
		"Tests determined the fingers belonged to a child, and sources say they suspect the child is a female between two-and-a-half and four years old. Police aren't sure how long the fingers had been in the dumpster"  (foxnews.com)	(93)
		Sarah Palin says Obama campaign took her words "out of context" and "heavily edited" them in new ad. In other news, Palin is apparently unaware of how political ads have worked for the past 5,000 years  (politico.com)	(112)
		It's been five years since real estate prices imploded, so you'll be happy to know that your property taxes may be finally about to start going down  (usatoday.com)	(86)
		Pedro Pimentel Rios is sentenced to 6,060 years in prison for his part in the massacre of 201 people in Guatemala, but with good behavior he'll be out in half that time  (bbc.co.uk)	(28)

		Every shot taken in the NBA from the past five years in one handy-dandy chart  (gizmodo.com)	(46)
		75 years ago, a Texas school exploded. But in the end you'll remember Ilis niamet, volore veriustrud te feum iusciduisi  (chron.com)	(98)
		Angels' Kendrys Morales ready to return to the team after nearly two years, having overcome both a horrific leg fracture and subsequent fear of home plate  (espn.go.com)	(12)
		It only took nine years, but the UK Advertising Standards Agency now forbids store from advertising "Sofa King low prices"  (nypost.com)	(64)

		Watch ants invade a scanner over the span of five years  (io9.com)	(52)
		Joss Whedon swears there's no Skrulls or Kree in The Avengers. "They have a big life of their own that just could not be contained in a film where I already had seven movie stars"  (io9.com)	(122)
		Ancient Judean silver coin from the first century sells for record price in NYC, still buys as much gas as it did 2,000 years ago  (nypost.com)	(44)
		The Texas Rangers will no longer play the video of Nolan Ryan pummeling Robin Ventura on the Jumbotron. In other news, the Rangers have been playing the video of team president Nolan Ryan pummeling Robin Ventura for the past 20 years. LGT video  (youtube.com)	(84)
		If a man is wrongly imprisoned for 30 years, why should the state have to pay up? Shouldn't it be the jury that wrongly found him guilty?  (nola.com)	(139)

		"He has lived in a dozen caves tucked into sandstone nooks. In the fall of 2002, two years after quitting money, he homesteaded a majestic alcove high on a cliff, two hundred feet across and fifty feet tall"  (theatlantic.com)	(145)
(Some Guy)		Dance instructor/choreographer makes dance troupe wear nude color bikinis: "The audience should think that you are nude - completely topless." FARK: They're eight years old  (939mia.com)	(153)
		Banning corporate campaign contributions will make Washington a glittering beacon of honest dealing, right? Let's ask India about that; they've had a ban for 45 years and hello there, Mr. Law Of Unintended Consequences  (washingtonpost.com)	(74)
		James Ellis of The Trammps dead at 74. He spent his last remaining years in a nursing home  (huffingtonpost.com)	(14)
		Much like a dying, bloated whale crashing onto a sandy shore to bask in the sun during its final moments of life, only to be stared at by horrified onlookers, Britney Spears will be heading to the judge's table on X-Factor  (huffingtonpost.com)	(23)
		Teacher accused of having sex with student 0.316 times per day over the course of two years  (dailymail.co.uk)	(75)

(Some rubber duck)		File under "Now why didn't I think of that". OU student installs hot tub in dorm room. Not too surprisingly school officials aren't pleased. Claims of homework for his anatomy & human sexuality classes fall on deaf ears  (wcpo.com)	(62)
		After three years, Lehman Brothers emerges from bankruptcy. Company hopes to now achieve delicate balance between business irresponsibility and corporate fraud  (reuters.com)	(15)
		Scientists measure first antimatter "atom", remarking that it appears very much like a normal atom except for the tiny little goatee  (cbc.ca)	(102)
		Scientists say that dark matter blob could rewrite our understanding of galaxies, give Hollywood screenwriters at least another 20 years of poorly conceived plot points  (thestar.com)	(10)
		The biggest solar storm in five years is now hitting Earth. THE SUN IS HERE, EVERYBODY PANIC  (space.com)	(104)

		School District to Parents: We've suspended the hot middle-school science teacher who appears in pr0n. Also? It would be helpful if you'd discourage your child from watching her extracurricular activities online  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(144)
(What is Black White Black?)		100 years ago, the Oreo was introduced to Hoboken, New Jersey. Happily for us, the Oreo forgave its manufacturers for that introduction and it went on to become the best black and white confection avaliable  (theindychannel.com)	(100)
		Drunk and beating the crap out of a cockatoo in public is no way to spend your golden years  (palmbeachpost.com)	(24)
(Some Guy)		Time to bust out those zoning maps again; Maxis announces first new SimCity in ten years  (gamasutra.com)	(138)
		What the f--k are you doing? Firing Sue Simmons after 30 years as anchorwoman of WNBC news  (nypost.com)	(141)
		Fifteen minutes may turn into years as Joe the Plumber gets GOP nod for Congress in Ohio  (newsmax.com)	(135)
		Bears with guns might be a possibility after all  (io9.com)	(32)
		In coming years, we'll know Spring will come early when Punxsutawney Phil won't see his shadow due to being swept up by a tornado and smashed into a tree half a mile away  (reuters.com)	(68)

		It's do or die for Romney, Santorum, the fat troll, and the old guy with the big ears as Super Tuesday is here. So grab your capes, power rings, and golden lassos for the Super Tuesday Discussion Thread  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(1701)
		Adele fears her English country mansion is haunted. This sounds an awful lot like the time Scooby and the gang helped Mama Cass out of that haunted candy factory mess  (nydailynews.com)	(23)

(bad advice thread)		When I was a Sr in HS, my Uncle told me to carry a balance on my CC, as it built credit. I earned over $15K in debt in the first 2 years of college, took me forever to pay off. Tell us about poor advice received that you acted on  (fork.com)	(416)
		Barack Obama once attended a play about Saul Alinsky. That automatically makes Sarah Palin President and Obama has to go play cornerback for the Chicago Bears  (breitbart.com)	(216)
(SB Nation)		Pirates bust out the checkbook, delay Andrew McCutchen's departure a few years  (pittsburgh.sbnation.com)	(42)

(CBS Dallas)

Woman lives without water for six years because she couldn't afford to fix a leak or pay her bills  (dfw.cbslocal.com)

(123)

		Santorum: "People 20 years ago couldn't conceive of a cell phone." Zack Morris unavailable for comment  (rawstory.com)	(304)
		Man, it's been like 300 million years since the oceans have had this bad of an acid trip  (cbsnews.com)	(53)
(Some Guy)		"In all our years of investigating cases of fly tipping none of us have ever come across a 12 foot metal gorilla"  (cambstimes.co.uk)	(33)
		Ghost of Andrew Breitbart to release the tapes of Obama's college years in the next 10 days, offering definitive proof the President was once a young, stupid college kid  (hotair.com)	(301)
		Groupon offers discount on Dahmer walking tour. Some people have a problem with this because 20 years is "too soon"  (news.yahoo.com)	(158)
		After his untimely death, the future of Breitbart's media empire is unclear, leading to fears that the nation could suffer a critical shortage of political and pop-culture commentary from d-list celebrities and the clinically insane  (abcnews.go.com)	(217)
(IT World)		Think the iPhone was the first thing people avoided because it was only available on AT&T? 24 years earlier, AT&T tried and failed to bring us all the Internet  (itworld.com)	(45)
		Fifty years ago, Wilt Chamberlain scored all night. Then he went out and put in 36 field goals and 28 foul shots against the Knicks to set an NBA record  (en.wikipedia.org)	(71)
		Judge sentences man who tainted yogurt with semen to two years in prison after jury refuses to let the jerk off  (nypost.com)	(70)
		Daytona Beach police on 16-month-long Operation Chum Bucket: "It hasn't been cleaned in over a thousand years. It's skanky. It's filthy. If I was a roach, I wouldn't live inside. It's a whorehouse" (w/ mugshots)  (orlandosentinel.com)	(102)
		Woman loses 434 pounds in two years, is now totally hot and hitable (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(222)

		Creepiest interview ever: Rhode Island Senate candidate appears to be puppeteering son  (mediaite.com)	(134)
		Italy picks itself up off the grass, wipes away some fake tears and throws up its hands after losing for the first time ever to Team USA  (sports.yahoo.com)	(42)
		Idaho man pioneers new eviction method. Sure it tears down the house, and puts him in jail for the weekend, but if you've ever been a landlord you'll know this is worth it  (oregonlive.com)	(47)
		In what could be an idea for the next Coen brothers movie, Pittsburgh armored car driver kills his partner and disappears with 2.3 million in casino money  (wpxi.com)	(74)

		New Gorillaz with Andre 3000? Yes please  (io9.com)	(93)
		Bourdain rips Paula Deen again, noting he smoked on his own show but "wasn't selling any farking cigarettes. And when I found a spot on my farking lung, I didn't wait 3 years so I could get a deal selling the patch"  (seattlepi.com)	(160)
		Experts predict less intense hurricane seasons for the next few years. EVERYBODY PANIC downgraded to everybody panic  (sun-sentinel.com)	(57)
		Possibly the scariest video of the day, grizzly bears runs at Alaskan tourists  (news.yahoo.com)	(33)
		Barry Sanders cuts right, spins, shakes a tackle, reverses left, stiff-arms, hurdles, jukes and sprints away from his wife of eleven years  (sports.yahoo.com)	(54)
		Less Arctic sea ice = more US blizzards, therefore polar bears will be roaming Oklahoma by next Christmas  (content.usatoday.com)	(330)

		The bears know kung-fu, I REPEAT, the bears know kung-fu. Prepare battlestations  (youtube.com)	(25)
		E.T. 2: Nocturnal Fears actually looked like a pretty cool idea, if you ask me  (cracked.com)	(55)
(Some Guy)		From the "I could have sworn he died a couple of years ago" file: Louis Farrakhan gives a fiery speech about the role of Muslims in such historical events as 9/11, Gadhaffi's fall, Obama's assassination, etc  (articles.chicagotribune.com)	(76)
(Some Omicronian)		Single female lawyer who pretended her entire career to be a doctor is suspended for two whole years from wearing sexy miniskirts and being self-reliant  (newburyportnews.com)	(85)

(Some Guy)		The Berenstain Bears go to a funeral  (whec.com)	(72)
(TED)		Forget the Magna Carta, there's a declaration of human rights over 2600 years old, and it has the power to change the world  (ted.com)	(25)
		So far, Earth's radio broadcasts have penetrated 200 light years into the cosmos. For a comparison of that to the galaxy, find the tiny yellow dot  (dailymail.co.uk)	(121)
		Putin warns the West over Syria and Iran. I say we pay heed, this guy wrestles bears  (google.com)	(51)
		Man on trial for hiring an undercover cop to attack a judge wears his prison uniform in court, is belligerent with the judge, and talks freely about wanting to see the judge writhe in pain. Why yes, he is representing himself  (oregonlive.com)	(13)

		Not news: Oscar winner predictions. Fark: For the next five years  (io9.com)	(22)
		The sounds of violence in movies have gotten more and more moister and squishier and uncomfortable over the years. Here's why  (slate.com)	(64)

		25 years ago today Warhammer 40k began ripping off Starcraft and Gears of War  (news.discovery.com)	(254)
		After 156 years, Paris' Notre Dame cathedral is getting new big brass bells. I've got a little hunch that this may cause some controversy  (independent.co.uk)	(41)
		Bad: Drunk jerk at Mardi Gras parade harasses autistic girl, sends her home in tears. Good: Girl's story goes viral, leading to massive outpouring of support. Fark: New Orleans restages Mardi Gras just for her  (nola.com)	(154)
(Some Guy)		Hot tub appears, then disappears on University of Michigan campus...almost like it used a time machine  (annarbor.com)	(56)

		Your brain decides which hand you use to hold your cellphone, but is otherwise unengaged while you are holding a cellphone  (sciencedaily.com)	(39)
		Mitt Romney is the "Gotcha" candidate; he's playing the political version of Punk'd with Santorum, Gingrich, and the old guy with the big ears that's still in the race for some odd reason  (politico.com)	(20)
		Don't let a guy with a badge & gun who says he's a cop take your car, because he turns into a security guard who swears you handed it over to him after he totals it  (ocregister.com)	(79)
		News: Cancer patient says "Screw chemo, let me go home and die in peace." Fark: Said cancer patient is 12 years old  (abcnews.go.com)	(187)

(Android Central)		Samsung and AT&T unveil new submersible, dust proof and shock absorbent, military grade smart phone for under $100. Which is $300 less than Apple will charge when they "invent" it in two years  (androidcentral.com)	(73)
		After reporting a $2.4 billion fourth-quarter loss, Sears Holdings announces plans to again rearrange the metaphorical Titanic deck chairs, says it will sell off its hardware outlets and preexisting stores in malls nationwide  (latimes.com)	(48)
		President Obama steps out of his Magical Time Machine for a speech on immigration: "I've got another five years coming up. We're going to get this done"  (content.usatoday.com)	(129)
		After all these years, someone finally found a transcript of the 1944 Bretton Woods conference  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk)	(6)
(MacNN)		Twenty-seven years after IKEA brought stylish, easily broken Swedish crap to America, the Swedes are about to find out how it feels  (macnn.com)	(33)
		New South Florida sideshow includes man who uses head as battering ram. They call him "Numbskull." He also bites cops' ears  (blogs.tcpalm.com)	(13)
		Adele's 21 enjoys its 21st week atop the charts, breaking Whitney Houston's record. 21 had the biggest Grammy sales boost in 21 years. While you're reading this, Set Fire to the Rain is on the radio for the 21st time in 21 hours  (music-mix.ew.com)	(80)

(Some Trek Writer)		Long lost Star Trek TOS script resurfaces after going missing for 45 years. Bonus: It was written for Milton Berle   (normanspinradatlarge.blogspot.com)	(22)
		Kate Upton's SI cover is "a step away from Playboy" complains Cheryl Tiegs who posed for SI 25 years ago wearing nipple exposing see-thru fishnet suit  (news.yahoo.com)	(121)
		FBI forced to dump hundreds of pages of "training documents" on Islam after discovering that they were training gems like "Mohammed was a cult leader" and "devout Muslims have been violent for hundreds of years"  (foxnews.com)	(121)
(Some Guy)		"Dear Dan Savage, Should I go ahead and divorce my fantastic wife of 23 years now because gay marriage is going to destroy it eventually anyway?" - Tony From Wasilla  (clclt.com)	(56)
		Over 40 years before the Jetsons and flying cars, the people of 1919 NYC were planning circular runways around Manhattan for commuters' personal airplanes  (gothamist.com)	(43)
		Columnist asks "are the Republicans running on a platform of keeping women barefoot and pregnant?" Also wonders if bears crap in the woods, if the Pope is Catholic  (seattlepi.com)	(104)
		Little Green Footballs hears about Heartland threatening to sue them over illegally obtained info. (Yeah, Downfall parody)  (youtube.com)	(21)

		Judge clears way for Sherrod to sue Breitbart in defamation suit  (dailykos.com)	(100)
		Research: 35% of men sleep with bears, your mom  (610wiod.com)	(95)
		After 106 years, Dr. Scholl's finally decides that their old image and new image do not gel  (washingtonpost.com)	(17)

		How they made the greatest Simpsons episode of all-time, "Homer At The Bat," which premiered 20 years ago tonight  (deadspin.com)	(247)
		Archeologists revive ancient species found lying dormant for 1,500 years in an tomb in South America. According to every SyFy Channel movie I've ever watched, this is going to end very, very badly  (io9.com)	(46)
(Poor Zack)		Rose petals blow lightly in the breeze as tears fall one by one to the canvas. A man sits sadly in the friend zone. Will he remain forever alone? Find out on a very special edition of Raw, tonight at 9 on USA  (wwe.com)	(2833)
		Four pending 'Barefoot and Pregnant' laws, from abolishing the Hippocratic Oath to just making getting an abortion felony worth 10 years in prison  (alternet.org)	(292)
		In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing  (livescience.com)	(113)
		Scientists break Moore's Law by creating single atom transistor 8 years ahead of schedule  (abc.net.au)	(74)

		50 years after NASA sends a man into orbit, the surviving Mercury astronauts and engineers have a reunion. Scott Carpenter "still waiting for his first shuttle ride"  (msnbc.msn.com)	(15)
		Koala Bears could be added to the list of endangered species. Damn Chazzwazzers  (cnn.com)	(36)
		Perfume company wins $10 million judgement against Britney Spears after jury affirms they are in a scent  (dailymail.co.uk)	(27)

		Two years later, drunken joke in a bar is the fastest-growing Mardi Gras krewe in New Orleans. Witness the power of the Intergalactic Krewe of Chewbacchus  (nytimes.com)	(90)
(Some Guy)		Department of Corrections to retiree: "Yeah, those sick days we told you you had and you took 8 years ago? You actually didn't have them so if you could send us a check for them that'd be great"  (theday.com)	(104)
(Some Guy)		While the media is focusing on "Linsanity", Lebron is having one of the greatest statistical years in NBA history  (herald-dispatch.com)	(81)
(Some Guy)		You know how your stoner roommate always swears it's easy to smuggle a baggie of weed past the TSA by hiding it in a jar of Skippy Peanut Butter? He's wrong  (insidebayarea.com)	(113)
		Two hundred thousand years ago, the world's most powerful predator arrived: Humans. So why haven't animals evolved effective defenses against us? Here's why  (bbc.co.uk)	(200)
		Barbara Eden covers Blood, Sweat & Tears' "Spinning Wheel." Your argument has never been, nor will it ever be, more invalid  (youtube.com)	(44)

		Woman convicted of running down bar patrons gets two years for every time she circled the block looking for more victims  (philly.com)	(107)
(Some Guy)		Apple sold more iPhones in 1 year than it did Macs in 28 years  (appleinsider.com)	(140)
(Some Guy)		Here, let me explain to you how the economy isn't really recovering with this series of increasingly nonsensical and uninterpretable graphs (accomplishment unlocked: Tears of Tufte)  (minyanville.com)	(82)
		"Immortal devil girl" spreads face-destroying cancer, will affect whole population in 30 years. Surprisingly, this is not a story about subby's ex  (msnbc.msn.com)	(72)

(Pictures of the Year)		The best photo essay you'll ever see. "Brian Scott Ostrom is one of them. After serving four years as a reconnaissance marine and deploying twice to Iraq, Scott, now 27, returned home to the U.S. with a severe case of PTSD"  (poyi.org)	(289)
		Britain's fattest woman weighs 560 lbs and hasn't left her house in four years. She can still post on Fark though, which is nice  (dailymail.co.uk)	(222)
		Neighbor from Hell wears sunglasses at night, flashes crotch at kids birthday party, flips the bird to news reporter  (myfoxtwincities.com)	(187)
		Remember Peyton Manning's three different neck procedures over the past two years? Well ... about that  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(41)
(The Hindu)		Breezes emanate from this guy's peacock fan 14 hours a day, while he helps sweat-drenched temple-goers without a single day off for 52 years  (thehindu.com)	(29)
		New York Times Headline: "Howls of Protest" against Mitt Romney. Actual Story: 12 people showed up. Bigger Story: Author has written a variant on the same story 28 times in the past 4 years  (newsbusters.org)	(80)

		By the end of his first term, Pres. Obama will have added $5 trillion to the national debt. This is $1.6 trillion more than Bush did in eight years  (caffertyfile.blogs.cnn.com)	(414)
		Croatian museum collects carnage from romantic breakups. Most popular exhibit still the White House china from the Clinton years  (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(17)
		Kate Winslet on watching herself in Titanic: "Block my ears, somebody. Somebody club out my senses. Make it farking stop'"  (celebitchy.com)	(68)
		74 million years ago a meteorite crashed into an Iowan town. And it's still causing problems to this day  (desmoinesregister.com)	(87)
		In 1995-96 Michael Jordan was the best player on the best team in NBA history. 16 years later he's now involved with a team that may end up as the worst in NBA history  (espn.go.com)	(81)

(Some Cactus)		She's 100 years old today and still hotter than hell Dumber than a sack of wet rocks though  (kuriositas.com)	(83)
(Vimeo)		After 32 years, subby discovers his hippie parents were the subjects of a weird documentary about restoring a historic tugboat. Bonus: Dad was the dump truck driver killed in the opening scenes of "Maximum Overdrive"  (vimeo.com)	(41)
		Planning a stunt marriage proposal today? Well, the wife of Slashdot's founder, who received one 10 years ago today, has some advice for you  (networkworld.com)	(71)
		You're a K-9 cop out on a call and have to send your dog to take down a robber who is in the country illegally. Do you: a) receive an award, b) accept a promotion, or c) get sentenced to 10 years in federal prison for police brutality?  (myfoxdc.com)	(146)

		Goat test positive for PEDs. Bud Selig swears to crack down on the epidemic  (shortlist.com)	(11)
		Rick Santorum said in his book "radical feminists succeeded in undermining the traditional family and convincing women that professional accomplishments are the key to happiness." But he swears he didn't write it; it was his wife  (theatlanticwire.com)	(210)
		New York Times wonders "Is Callista Gingrich's hair perfect?" Pledges to investigate why she disappears with each full moon  (nytimes.com)	(87)
		I see your teenager who eats nothing but chicken nuggets and raise you a woman who has eaten nothing but cheese pizza for 31 years  (thesun.co.uk)	(165)
		After years of success in insuring the poor in Massachusetts with quality healthcare, the question must be asked: Is Health Care In Massachusetts: 'Abject Failure' Or Work In Progress?  (npr.org)	(79)
		Not News: Study suggests that human industries and the clearing of forest land may have been responsible for climate change. Fark: 2500-3500 years ago  (news.yahoo.com)	(160)

Bad: After leaving US Army nine years ago, veteran arrested for being AWOL finally gets discharge paperwork straightened out. Fark: He's not the only discharged vet with outstanding AWOL warrants  (stripes.com)

(106)

(Some Guy)		Sci-fi author to adapt upcoming Rush album into a novel. Swears his mind is not for rent  (ultimateclassicrock.com)	(69)
		Emma Watson wears sheer red lace dress to Lancome party. This is relevant to your interests  (dailymail.co.uk)	(138)
		Ten things that are just as annoying about Star Wars: The Phantom Menace now as they were thirteen years ago  (entertainment.time.com)	(115)

		If we timewarped back by 2000 years, what job would you be most qualified to do? No, you can't bring any modern tech with you  (fark.com)	(784)
		Reese Witherspoon wears her best "look at me, look at me, look at me" dress. It worked  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(67)
		Despite their efforts to convince you otherwise, many "foodies" can't, in a blind taste test, tell white wine from red, pate from dog food, or that the chips they're eating are soggy if you make crunching sounds in their ears  (npr.org)	(284)
(Some Guy)		It's been five years since Anna Nicole Smith's anus was deemed to be unremarkable   (todayentertainment.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(39)
		List of Germany's best actors, past and present. Wait until Hitler hears about this  (thelocal.de)	(26)
(Some Guy)		Kathleen Kit is officially the most old school Nintendo gamer of all time...no seriously, she's 100 years old  (gizmowatch.com)	(12)
		$5.2b Tappan Zee project gets bids from four qualified contractors, who will keep the $7.1 billion project within its $8.9 billion budget in five years, at which point the $13 billion bridge will cost an estimated $19.6 billion  (blogs.wsj.com)	(23)
		The world lost a great comedian 12 years ago today, know what I mean Vern? Bonus: graduated from same high school Drew did  (en.wikipedia.org)	(103)
		Movie star tries to enlist in the Army Air Corps. Rejected. He tries again. Same result. He finally gets in, flies dozens of combat missions, rises from private to full colonel in four years. Where's the movie about THAT?  (life.time.com)	(100)

		Texas Rangers punish Nelson Cruz for costing them a World Championship by giving him $16 million for two years  (sports.yahoo.com)	(37)
		North Korea's iconic concrete pyramid, the Ryugyong Hotel in Pyongyang, is now covered in mirrored glass and set to open in the spring, only 23 years behind schedule  (washingtonpost.com)	(162)
		For the first time in over 300 years England once again has a Prince of Wales who is capable of leading a charge of armored cavalry- AIR Cavalry that is  (boston.com)	(109)
		Credit Suisse reports firste losse in three yearse  (dealbook.nytimes.com)	(4)

(Some Guy)		Winning: The American public's dependence on the federal government shot up 23% in just two years under President Obama, with 67 million now relying on some federal program  (news.investors.com)	(157)
		Scientists discover a primate with a shriek that more ear-piercing than your sister-in-law's  (mnn.com)	(31)
		The devastating effects of contraception are on display today, as the teen birth rate and abortion rate have both dropped to their lowest levels in nearly 40 years  (msnbc.msn.com)	(243)
(Some Guy)		Sprint gained, that's right, Sprint gained a net 1.6 million customers last quarter, the best result in 6 years, giving them their highest subscriber base ever. And Sprint lost 1.3 billion dollars last quarter  (techcrunch.com)	(36)
(Arms and the Law)		We couldn't get him to eat his own mother, but forcing Rahm Emanuel to write a check to the Second Amendment Foundation is the next best thing. Your tears, Rahm. Let me taste them  (armsandthelaw.com)	(166)
		Think you're a nerd? Think again. This guy created a huge family tree of Middle Earth which took six years  (geekout.blogs.cnn.com)	(50)

Parent of the year can't figure out why failing to get his kids to school 150 times in the past two years is an issue  (wtop.com)

(115)

		CAN the Giants shock the world again? WILL the Patriots avenge their defeat from four years ago? HOW MANY FARKers will succumb to alcohol poisoning this year? THIS is YOUR Super Bowl XLVI Discussion Thread. (Kickoff @ 6:30 EST on NBC)  (scores.espn.go.com)	(3858)
		Deadbeat homeowner discovered after five years of skipping out on taxes, utilities, lawn care, living  (jsonline.com)	(92)
(Some Guy)		Woman receives Facebook friend request from the man who raped her when she was 14 years old. She gets the hero tag for how she handled it  (moxiebird.com)	(1264)
(Clarion Ledger)		Boy wears "I Heart Boobies" t-shirt to skate party. Then things get weird  (clarionledger.com)	(193)

		40 years ago this guy could literally crank out hot lines faster than your mom would fall for them. Bonus: lube was included  (youtube.com)	(31)
		"I can tell you this, We at the Big Ten don't want to be like the SEC-in any way, shape or form." The past six years have made this painfully obvious, Coach  (freep.com)	(87)

		Jewish Indiana Jones faces 20 years in prison. He chose...poorly  (msnbc.msn.com)	(94)
		In a shocking and totally unpredictable move, GOP leaders look to renege on the defense limit cuts called for in last years sequester deal. Obama and Democrats flabbergasted   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(121)
		Mick Jagger's 16-year-old granddaughter says she's already found 'the one' and wants to get married (with "you'd hit it in two years" pic)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(72)
(Some Shoggoth)		Group of scientists searching the Antarctic for a lake buried for tens of millions of years suddenly stop responding to colleagues, Miskatonic officials  (globalpost.com)	(311)

		After the earthquake, it appears that waste water dumping in Ohio has become a big fracking deal  (businessweek.com)	(43)
		A look at how classic cereal boxes have changed over the years. The Lucky Charms Leprechaun was even creepier in 1963 than he is today  (buzzfeed.com)	(333)
		How hardcore are bears? They're purposely killing themselves to protest the horror of bile farms  (mnn.com)	(203)
		So, what happens if Obama wins a second term? "We will sentence [our children] to take the first step into 1,000 years of darkness." Welcome to Derpaggedon  (slate.com)	(118)
		Years later, Michael Irvin makes New Orleans Saints fans cry  (wwl.com)	(31)

		Researcher who spent 18 years seeking a cure for Lou Gehrig's Disease dies. Of Lou Gehrig's Disease. Still no cure for Lou Gehrig's Disease  (latimes.com)	(68)
		After 20 years of drilling, scientists have almost reached a subglacial lake in Antarctica that hasn't seen daylight in 20 million years. Which means great scientific advances or the release of an unstoppable evil from its tomb, hard to say  (washingtonpost.com)	(124)

		Now that he's 24 years old, is it time for Sidney Crosby to retire?  (theglobeandmail.com)	(157)
		Alaska gears up for a hostile takeover of Central Park  (mnn.com)	(75)

Yoga can make grandma flexible enough that she can get her legs behind her ears again  (sun-sentinel.com)

(22)

		Restaurant owner discovers that over the years, people have tacked more than $10,000 in one-dollar bills to his cafe's walls. Donates 3-grand to the Boy Scouts and the rest to a hospital. Man, did those bills have a lot of dust on them  (seattlepi.com)	(73)
		How does a paralyzed man end 19 years of silence? With the phrase: "I love you, ma"  (thesun.co.uk)	(43)
		Will Kane's Libertarian hate or John Cena's constipated face win the day? Will SHOOOOOOOW or Mizark squash Daniel Bryan like so many peas? Who will this years surprise entrants be? It's the 25th Royal Rumble, live on PPV at 8 PM ET  (bleacherreport.com)	(lots)
		Over 30 years later, people are still trying to explain Stanley Kubrick's film "The Shining." A new documentary explores a number of crazy theories and the pecan logs who believe them  (nytimes.com)	(230)
		150 years after the war, a state struggles to heal the wounds that still cut deep. No, not that state. Aaaand, not that war  (startribune.com)	(89)
		55-year-old Florida man claiming Indian descent wears war paint, headdresses, and performs sacred dance ceremonies at heritage festivals across the state. Some Native Americans have a problem with this (w/ pic of alleged Indian)  (heraldtribune.com)	(164)

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