Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Lindsay Lohan sparks a Swine Flu scare. I'd be more worried about the gonoherpasyphilaids  (starpulse.com)	(15)
		You should probably stay away from the business end of a taser if you have an "astronomical level" of methamphetamine in your system  (mercurynews.com)	(46)

(LehighValleyLive)

Just a tip: If you need to drive over to the police station for business, sober up first  (lehighvalleylive.com)

(12)

		Headline: Women-owned aerospace business opens. Article: Sue (no aerospace experience) and Carrie (physical therapist) are backed by their hubbies with 49 years in aerospace and are seeking gov't contracts that prefer women owned businesses  (azcentral.com)	(87)
		Remember the "Family Values" Republican who got arrested drunk driving outside of a gay club? Well it turns out he IS gay, but that's not your business, so please don't ask him about it  (sfgate.com)	(206)

(Some Guy)

California's solution to encourage business growth during a recession: Impose strict environmental regulations, driving business out of the state  (sbsun.com)

(54)

If you're a woman who fancies the bad boy type, perhaps corrections officer isn't an optimal line of business (with surprisingly hittable pic)  (statesman.com)

(98)

(Some Guy)		Funeral home hopes to drum up business by sponsoring a chili cook-off, offering free limo rides, and hosting a visit by the Easter Bunny. "A funeral home is a living, breathing thing"  (berkshireeagle.com)	(47)
		Some people just have the knack for spotting a business opportunity that others would miss  (gizmodo.com)	(38)
		Dominos has finally found a business model that works: Step 1: Replace crappy pizza with cheaper crappy pizza. Step 2: Charge less for new crappy pizza. Step 3: Profit  (consumerist.com)	(128)

In order to revive their failing business model, Blockbuster brings back late fees. Wait, Blockbuster is still in business?  (chicagobreakingbusiness.com)

(69)

(WLWT.COM)		Man who bulldozed home ahead of foreclosure gets his eureka moment too late: auction his carpet business  (wlwt.com)	(49)
		"Crammers" may be sneaking bogus charges onto your phone bill for their own profit, which is a total rip-off of the phone company's business model  (washingtonpost.com)	(40)
		So what happens to businesses when you cut profits, raise taxes, and ramp up unemployment to double digits? Well, they make fewer accounting mistakes, for one thing  (usatoday.com)	(24)

		Don't you love finding a jar of pasta sauce that tastes just like how your mom made it with fresh basil, Italian cheeses, and glass shards?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(44)
		Business owners hate bad reviews on Yelp. But it's worse when the bad reviews are written by Yelp employees, who then ask for extortion money to remove them  (blogs.wsj.com)	(53)

(The Big Money)

When a billionaire gets J. P. Morgan to steal secrets from a business rival, you would expect to read about it in the New York Times. Difficulty: the billionaire is Carlos Slim, who owns part of The New York Times  (thebigmoney.com)

(16)

Amish business owner fed up with burglaries sets up surveillance system, catches crook on camera. Article comes complete with sweet graven surveillance image  (wgal.com)

(136)

(Daily InterLake)

Today's headline slipped through by bored copy editor: "City puts lid on marijuana businesses"  (dailyinterlake.com)

(65)

Old and Busted: "Everything will go back to normal when banks lend to small businesses." New Hotness: "Business owners won't take readily available loans because they don't believe America will recover."  (courant.com)

(108)

Unnamed business in Wisconsin pays $1000/month to rent huge billboard calling for Obama's impeachment  (jsonline.com)

(208)

Michelle Malkin: Under Obamacare, Bill Clinton's heart would've shot out of his chest and exploded, killing him and everyone he loves. And small business owners would be taxed to pay for it  (michellemalkin.com)

(118)

(Some Chick)		Woman in Ft. Worth upset with the state of the country show her distress by flying the American flag upside down on a 60' pole at her business. "It is an outcry of the danger our country is in."  (kbtx.com)	(181)
		They that go down to the sea on horses, that do business in little shrimps  (guardian.co.uk)	(7)
(Some Guy)		Microsoft Chief Research Officer Craig Mundie wants Internet Driver's License "If you want to drive a car, you have to {prove} you are capable of driving a car" In other news, Microsoft attempting to put AOL out of business  (interesting-people.org)	(177)
		In an attempt to increase Valentine's day business, a Candian restaurant is encouraging sex in the bathroom. Because nothing says "I love you" like sex in a bathroom stall. Romantic music provided by the guy two stalls over  (thestar.com)	(107)

		Dems trying to rush a business tax cut bill through the Senate before the GOP can stop them  (foxnews.com)	(54)
(kfbk)		The cutest cat on a business trip to Japan you'll see today. Meow  (kfbk.com)	(11)
		Jack White may be a mediocre guitarist, but he's certainly a shrewd businessman  (pastemagazine.com)	(67)

		Obama's Pay Czar: Just because bank bonuses are stupid, asinine, outrageous, disgusting, deplorable, immoral, unethical, bad business, and horrible PR doesn't mean they're illegal  (abcnews.go.com)	(71)
		President Obama fulfills promise to eliminate corporate cronyism in federal government. Just kidding, his weatherization chief has been giving handouts to her business exec husband's tiny window company  (townhall.com)	(58)

Heinz has developed a special baby food for those just learning to chew and swallow small pieces of plastic  (dailymail.co.uk)

(31)

Individual rights advocates upset that private businesses do not let them in with open carried weapons carried in compliance with California law. Alanis Morrissette heard humming in background  (sfgate.com)

(302)

Businessman indicted after investigators seize endangered elephant ivory from donut shop. Unknown if cops also confiscated bearclaws  (latimes.com)

(15)

The penny shooter business card... WANT  (break.com)

(41)

Out late at night? Check. Standing around minding your own business? Check. Being Black? Oh yeah that's a beat down by white cops  (kdka.com)

(173)

Obama is seen as anti-business by 77% of all corporate whores  (news.yahoo.com)

(121)

(Cato-at-Liberty)

The list of tax hikes Obama and Democrats have proposed include higher income, business and excise taxes, a VAT, and a tax on soda. Not proposed: A tax on rapacious statism  (cato-at-liberty.org)

(404)

"Welcome to one more installment in Washington's year-long crusade to revive private business by assailing and soaking it."  (online.wsj.com)

(132)

Foreign firms encounter many obstacles to doing business in China, including rampant counterfeiting, discriminatory laws, and excessive beating if their bribes are too low  (nytimes.com)

(42)

(msn.com)		Like everyone else in the country, the porno business has to bend over and take it. But they like it that way, yeah, you dirty little industry  (articles.moneycentral.msn.com)	(129)
		You must be a cold-hearted big-business shill if you object to the latest hard-earned union benefit: paid time off when the temperature at work dips below an intolerably frigid 68  (nytimes.com)	(253)
		Notoriously loud, violent protest groups threaten to oust their party if health care bill passes. Fark: It's the unions, wanting the DNC out of business  (huffingtonpost.com)	(138)

Ralph Nader single handedly keepin US tinfoil manufacturers in business  (news.yahoo.com)

(69)

In show business, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the execs who renewed "Law & Order" for a record-breaking 21st season and the viewers who say, "That show is still on?"  (aintitcool.com)

(183)

"Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded." Good thing Fark only requires a one drink minimum  (news.sky.com)

(∞)

British, American embassies closed in Yemen. Yeah, that'll show those terrorists we mean business. Up next: a sharply worded letter  (upi.com)

(146)

Massachusetts businesses get $56 million income tax cut, offset by $150 million unemployment tax hike, $16.80 per employee health care tax hike, and 1.25% "because we can get away with it" tax  (bostonherald.com)

(19)

		Best pizza joint in Toronto back in business after rat infestation. No word on secret ingredients  (torontosun.com)	(36)
		Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest: Business  (fark.com)	(64)

Bad: you lose your job. Worse: without notice. Worst: because the company went out of business. Fark: the week before Christmas. You've Got To Be Kidding: you're a truck driver, and they don't even get you a bus ticket home  (csmonitor.com)

(97)

(smarter Travel)

Customers submit line-by-line instructions for how airlines can improve their business model. Airlines respond: "We can't hear you over the sound of how awesome we are."  (smartertravel.com)

(79)

Sex shop falls victim to hard times after flaccid interest and limp customer demand puts them out of business  (cbc.ca)

(82)

Business school decides to make a stop-motion video to express their values. Like most business school students, they fail to convey their message but make something interesting anyway  (liveleak.com)

(12)

"The Lingerie Football League season isn't over. And the Seattle Mist has some unfinished business to tend to"  (blog.seattlepi.com)

(50)

Top business blunders of 2009  (finance.yahoo.com)

(33)

Reporter is fired after writing a story critical of how Vail calculates snow totals. "Vail Resorts is a customer and this newpaper is a business, and we have to watch out for the bottom line."  (cbs4denver.com)

(121)

"The Middle East represents a vast, largely untapped market for Internet businesses, according to industry experts. So what's holding everyone back?" Obvious tag has been living in a cave with Osama  (cnn.com)

(23)

		After decades of following the Republican mantra of "let the market handle itself", the GAO and FCC decide it's time for some good old-fashioned oppressive government regulation of wireless carriers' business practices  (consumerist.com)	(85)
		"You know times are still tough in the newspaper biz, when even a magazine about newspapers can't stay in business": Editor & Publisher closes doors after 108 years  (blogs.tampabay.com)	(17)

Jack Nicklaus gives the most rational answer yet, to a reporters questions regarding Tiger Woods personal life. "Its none of my business" *Golf Clap*  (sports.espn.go.com)

(70)

In other news, grassroots movement seeks to establish secured detention facility in China for convicted Wall Street criminals due to, uh, let's go with "security concerns."  (theregister.co.uk)

(29)

Many Americans now think we should mind our own business  (freep.com)

(101)

Michigan set to outlaw smoking in all public places, including casinos, which are one of the few viable industries left in Detroit and who say they'll lose 30 percent of their business as a result  (detnews.com)

(58)

		Florida bar owner says a sign in front of his business reading: 'Stop, Absolutely No Color's' is aimed at bikers, not blacks  (tampabay.com)	(280)
		Obama meeting with business leaders and economists today for a "jobs summit." At least there will be jobs created for the people who cook and distribute catered lunches  (money.cnn.com)	(87)

Taxpayers bailing out AIG were assured that its insurance division was in good shape. Wrong. Its property and casualty business has a $12 billion shortfall  (nytimes.com)

(40)

(Some Guy)

Scalding debate on unpasteurized milk's safety goes back decades, resulting in raw feelings, legal action aimed at spoiling producers' business  (news-leader.com)

(121)

Small manufacturers claim tough new U.S. toy safety rules are putting them out of business, ask when people are going to stop thinking about the children  (abcnews.go.com)

(48)

"CNN wants to be the media equivalent of Switzerland," which means MSNBC is France, Fox News is Germany and Fox Business is Sweden  (variety.com)

(171)

This holiday season, fewer and fewer consumers are writing checks...and fewer businesses are accepting them. Warn your grandmother before she goes to Gap and buys you that hideous sweater  (dallasnews.com)

(79)

People shocked, SHOCKED, to discover that ads urging you to sell old jewellery for cash may not be as glittering as they seem  (dailymail.co.uk)

(98)

		What does it say about our society when even in these economically down times, the mobile pet grooming business is thriving?  (azcentral.com)	(136)
		Disney removes closed captioning from rental copies of "Up." It's actually an intriguing business decision, as the deaf can't voice their outrage  (consumerist.com)	(166)