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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Andy Rooney's WWII scoop from Nov 7th, 1944: The day Nazi 'robot rockets' almost bombed New York  (usatoday.com)	(54)

(HRGBRG)

A short tour of the alternatively fueled office of hrgbrg.com. "Alternative Diodic Electricity Peanut Trees (A.D.E.P.T.s) do not need to be watered. They do, however, need to be covered in soft bedding." (w/ video)  (hrgbrg.blogspot.com)

(18)

		Not news: some people climbed Everest. News: Three died on descent because of "traffic jam". Fark: Everest has traffic jams because apparently the only mountaineering experience required is Photoshop  (cbc.ca)	(162)
(Some Guy)		Blue's clues. Looking for clues about Blue. Put up posters looking for looking for Blue's clues. Get called by someone with a clue about Blue. Get robbed for the reward money  (actionnewsjax.com)	(36)

After the murder of two Chinese USC students, their parents are suing the college on the grounds that USC's marketing materials described the campus as being in an "urban" location rather than "crime infested"  (nytimes.com)

(224)

High school goes on lockdown because: a) a nearby bank was robbed; b) a tiger escaped from a local zoo; or c) a food fight broke out in the cafeteria  (sun-sentinel.com)

(20)

Not news: Bartender walks female patron home. News: Thief tries to steal her purse. Fark: Bartender fights him off, gets stabbed eight times. Totalfark: He has no health insurance; the bar is hosting a fundraiser to pay his bills. Can we help?  (wtop.com)

(132)

Height, weight, size, girth, tight, skinny, tan, rich, petite, jacked, strong, confident, go-getter, blast at parties, awesome fashion sense, musically adept, great cook, great in bed, etc, etc  (gizmodo.com)

(296)

First masseur who accused John Travolta of sexual assault gets rubbed out of lawsuit  (thesmokinggun.com)

(76)

		Bad news: you've forgotten to log out of Facebook at an internet café. The worst news: you've also just robbed the place  (shortlist.com)	(17)
		NJ bank robbed by Death in sweatpants  (nj.com)	(35)
		Forty-nine headless and handless bodies found along Mexican highway. Seriously did they have a flatbed to dump all those bodies? How did nobody see this happen?  (sacbee.com)	(223)

Man dies after being stabbed with a syringe full of mercury hidden in the tip of an umbrella. Fark: a year ago  (thelocal.de)

(99)

		"I lasted less than half a day... and it was hell." a) Hiker trying to traverse Death Valley on foot, b) Embedded reporter in Afghanistan, or c) tech writer trying to go a day without Google products?  (slate.com)	(24)
		Both Community and Cougar Town were renewed yesterday. This is the best timeline, and Abed is Emperor of the Universe  (hitfix.com)	(118)

Escort has message for Wall Street johns: "Actually, you're really small and you're bad in bed"  (huffingtonpost.com)

(72)

(wowt)

Sad: College student robbed of beer. Cool: Beer distributor offers replacement. Difficulty: Pabst Blue Ribbon  (wowt.com)

(14)

		Ever wanted to get into bed with identical twins? Well this guy married them (and their cousin). Polygamy rocks  (dailymail.co.uk)	(395)
		Oompa Loompa Jersey mom puts five-year-old in tanning bed, burning her. Officials, Wonka not amused  (huffingtonpost.com)	(194)

		In a suprise twist, federal prosecutors are demanding convicted white-collar criminal Sam Cohen, who defrauded celebrities and foundations of $60 million, be sentenced to "robbed a 7-11" kinda time  (news.yahoo.com)	(71)
		"Underneath the bed is a white dress the killer used to wipe his hands, and a slab of uncooked bacon the killer maybe used as a lubricant to masturbate"  (salon.com)	(60)

It's 5 a.m. and you've had one too many. The logical thing to do is: A) Drink some water and go to bed. B) Eat some greasy eggs and go to bed. C) Knock on your neighbor's door naked  (palmbeachpost.com)

(30)

Our savior Bloomberg continues to make New York City a safer place to live, with a long-overdue crackdown on the festering menace of bed-and-breakfasts and their dastardly certificate-of-occupancy errors  (nytimes.com)

(16)

		50 years ago co-pilot Major Ron Salt helped lift the new 80-foot spire onto Coventry cathedral after it had been destroyed by the Luftwaffe. This morning he climbed back up there to check out his handiwork  (bbc.co.uk)	(23)
		Dude, I'm sorry I stabbed your son. Tell you what, why don't you stab me and we'll call it even, deal?  (bbc.co.uk)	(18)

(Daily Bulletin)		Shopping List 1.) eggs 2.) butter 3.) knock off that US Bank in the lobby: "I think he's robbed every day but Sunday and Friday"  (dailybulletin.com)	(17)
		Best place to enjoy a good book? A) Late night in bed. B) Sitting on the beach. C) Behind home plate at a Kansas City Royals game  (sports.yahoo.com)	(24)
(Time Out NY Kids)		Suck it, childless hipsters: here's the 25 best bands for kids and (aside from TMBG) you haven't heard of a one of them. Hang your bedhead in shame, nonbreeder  (timeoutnewyorkkids.com)	(115)

E Network executives caught in bed with pricey whores  (azcentral.com)

(27)

		Sean "winner of most punch-able face 10 yrs running" Hannity: There are no Americans going hungry, they have beans and rice  (mediamatters.org)	(204)
(Some Cheap Guy)		Q: How bad is the housing bust hitting Detroit? A: $500 for a 2 bedroom house bad  (bge-detroit.com)	(63)
		Self-described prophet breaks glass, rips out TVs, destroys Jeep, and writes 'Fear God' in his own blood. Don't blame the Devil for this one  (wptv.com)	(23)

(Political Wire)

Charles Krauthammer: "If Rubio passes the vetting process, I think he's the obvious choice. And if he says he doesn't want the office, he'll find a horse's head in his bed. The next day he will accept"  (politicalwire.com)

(83)

(Pressherald.com)

Good news: New technology lets anyone become a storm chaser. Bed news: ANYONE can become a storm chaser. "There were morons out there. There were plenty"  (pressherald.com)

(114)

(Some Guy)

Bad: You're stabbed badly enough to that the ambulance can't reach you in time. Good: The police rush you to the hospital on their car. Fark: Yes, I said ON their car  (tolland.patch.com)

(72)

(Some Alien Abductee Guy)		Tired of being abducted and "probed" by space aliens? Resistance is fertile  (alienresistance.org)	(62)
		Utah man arrested for giving "the worst tattoo ever" for drugs. It was either a moobtat, tramp stamp, barbed wire on biceps, Japanese letters you hope are what you wanted, or anything you can't see without a mirror, or necktat  (denverpost.com)	(95)

Reporters and gun knowledge doesn't mix: "The female suspect, McClain, was described by witnesses at the scene as a black female carrying a small caliber pistol, possibly a 9mm"  (gma.yahoo.com)

(340)

Today's HOT teacher that 'had sex with a student while her daughter slept in the same bed' comes to you from White Hall, Arkansas  (dailymail.co.uk)

(110)

(Some Guy)

Cool: Teacher prevents kid from getting beat up. Fark: Kid tries to hug the teacher and gets written up for it. UltraFark: Teacher grabbed student so roughly to avoid getting hugged that a police report was filed for the marks she left on him  (charlotte.cbslocal.com)

(162)

Woman acquitted in fatal stabbing because the victim was hogging the bed  (washingtonpost.com)

(62)

		Man changes Facebook relationship status to "Single", disgruntled girlfriend changes his automobile status to "Embedded in bowling alley"  (news.com.au)	(117)
		Woman steals towel from hotel. And a bedspread. And picture frames, an iron, the ironing board, some rugs, a trash can and the curtains. Oh yeah, and a TV  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(64)

I know you stabbed me in the back with an 8-inch kitchen knife, but will you still marry me?  (telegraph.co.uk)

(50)

		Can this video help bring to justice a bunch of thugs who beat, punched, kicked, robbed, stripped, and tea-bagged a St. Patrick's day reveler in Baltimore? (not safe for work)  (thesmokinggun.com)	(587)
		And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife. And you may ask yourself "Well... how did I get here?"  (nwfdailynews.com)	(57)

		Lawrence Cobbold has filled every room in his three-bedroom house with a 21,600-strong collection of bird ornaments. Why yes ladies, he is single  (mirror.co.uk)	(64)
(Weheartit)		Weheartit.com is absorbed with FARK's headline about using SpongeBob techniques to avert a child drowning  (weheartit.com)	(8)

Matt Damon casting extras for film described as 'anti-fracking blockbuster'  (rawstory.com)

(46)

(The banker)

Man shot on Connecticut Avenue after getting out of jail. Suspect is described as wearing a monocle and top hat  (thedailynorwalk.com)

(16)

		AFA Foods, known better as the company that produces the perfectly tasty but unfortunately dubbed pink slime is filing Chapter 11 because some asshole TV chef started a completely fabricated frenzy. Thousands will be jobless as a result  (chicagotribune.com)	(524)
		Hiker found dead in Yellowstone. Police hot on the trail of the suspect, who's described as a little over 6 foot, about 250 pounds, and completely covered in fur  (slate.com)	(75)

Watch this 13-year-old kid play Emerson, Lake and Palmer's "Trilogy", devoting more expression to three and a half minutes than you've ever managed to squeeze out of your entire, miserable, self-absorbed life  (youtube.com)

(26)

China unveils animated character to compete against Pokemon and Buzz Lightyear: Tofu Boy, born in "once-famous but now bedraggled shop where tofu maker Old Wang wonders aloud if having a son would change his life"  (blogs.wsj.com)

(34)

Bad: Brawl erupts at party after beer runs out. Worse: Four people shot, two stabbed, two beaten, one dead. FARK: This was a kid's birthday party  (khou.com)

(99)

		This slideshow of the ten sexiest bedrooms is so good it'll make you wanna puke  (telegraph.co.uk)	(204)
		The 18 best excuses athletes have ever given to explain a positive drug test, including a vanishing twin that was absorbed in utero, thirty four years earlier  (mentalfloss.com)	(52)

(Some Really Stoned Ninja)		Medical marijuana delivery man robbed by ninjas. Yes way  (sgvtribune.com)	(19)
		If you've got a toddler who likes to jump up and down on your bed, hiding your handgun between the mattresses isn't the best idea  (suntimes.com)	(56)

(Some Guy)		Geologists discover a new class of landform on Mars, "periodic bedrock ridges," or "PBR". PBRs on Mars, dude. Whooooooo. Hold my beer, y'all, and watch this  (sci-tech-today.com)	(24)
		Tired of your parents out partying until dawn? Set fire to their bed and blame cartoons  (omaha.com)	(47)

When you go to an event described as "500 acres of mud and party" with your wife to see strippers, you know it can only end in blood and tears  (wptv.com)

(66)

Who the hell is Murphy and why is there a bed named after him?  (mentalfloss.com)

(29)

		Teenagers are learning how to iron, sew and make the bed as part of a school curriculum designed to turn boys into "men". Pretty men with soft hands and delicate smiles that we know get all the girls  (news.com.au)	(280)
		Old and busted: Bed bugs are infesting America's bedrooms. New insectological scare: Kissing bugs are sucking your blood at night  (mnn.com)	(27)

(Whats up, Doc?)		One doctor speaks out against transvaginal ultrasound. "If you are forced to enter an image into the patient chart, ultrasound the bedsheets and enter 'poor acoustic window...plus, I'm not a rapist'"  (whatever.scalzi.com)	(292)
		The more time you spend making friends online, the more likely it is that you're a self-absorbed, narcissistic douchebag  (jezebel.com)	(121)
		Sorry, DC, but you're now only the 8th Most Bedbug Infested City in America. Congrats, Cincinnati, you worked hard for this one. We'll get you next time  (wtop.com)	(63)

		Man steals a vibrating condom, lubrication, and mascara from a drug store. Obviously it was robbed for her pleasure  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(39)
		Woman dismayed to see skanks living a fairy-tale life because they found a rich guy who only cares about how good they are in bed. Bonus: women call her on it  (daytondailynews.com)	(266)

Russell Brand grabbed a paparazzi's iPhone and threw it through an office window because c) it was a tribute to Steve Jobs  (tmz.com)

(43)

Papa John's bandit described as 18-year-old white male with pepperoni, mushrooms, green peppers and black olives (pics)  (wptv.com)

(33)

(Some Guy)

Attention all cars, attention all cars, be on the lookout for a suspect who stole a 500 pound beehive from a restaurant. Suspect is described as COVERED IN BEES  (kltv.com)

(72)

		Breitbart takes issue with Fark's sarcastic headline about Raquel Welch. "You never saw Welch go down on some guy or bent over a bed in a degrading moment of loveless sex"  (breitbart.com)	(151)
		Bank in loop robbed. Bank in loop robbed. Bank in loop robbed. Bank in loop robbed. Bank in loop robbed. Bank in loop robbed. Bank in loop robbed. Bank in loop robbed. Bank in loop robbed  (chicagotribune.com)	(67)

(Some Guy)

Not news: Cops taser suspect. News: Suspect is a 9-year old boy described as "large for his age". FARK: Council fires police chief and disbands the PD  (dispatch.com)

(119)

Thieves who robbed girl scouts and ran over one of them now in custody after gaining four pounds  (blog.chron.com)

(30)

		When choosing "moped" as your getaway vehicle, do not be shocked when the police catch up to you mere blocks from the 7-11 you just robbed  (wvec.com)	(34)
		Being drunk in a Wendy's drive through and telling the workers that you just saved them from being robbed by three imaginary people will not get you a free burger. It does, however, get you a free jail cell  (wptv.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)		Customer management 101 (final exam): When a buyer complains their newly-purchased loveseat is full of bedbugs, do you A) offer a full refund; B) Send an exterminator to settle the issue; or C) pull out a gun and say you're tired of this  (dailycommercial.com)	(25)

(The Blemish)

Vagina bedazzler and preemptive wedding ring picker Jennifer Love Hewitt isn't sure why men don't hit on her  (theblemish.com)

(131)

Despite Obama's rhetoric, Teheran gets bombed  (sports.yahoo.com)

(22)

		For $86,500, you can buy a one bedroom house that will be missing two screws, take forever to build with incomprehensible instructions, and fall apart after one year  (newsfeed.time.com)	(175)
		Person makes a tongue-in-cheek "complaint" to the company that made his wireless router, which has become an addictive bed to his cat. The company responds by sending a decoy router that is even more comfortable for the cat  (consumerist.com)	(123)

Wilmer Valderrama has a new notch in his bedpost: Minka Kelly. Your move, John Mayer. May I suggest Miss [insert Eastern Bloc country here]?  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)

(67)

(Time To Sell?, Call My Cell)		If you're looking for new digs, Michael Jordan's got his fully furnished Chicago home for sale. 29 million gets you 32,000+ square feet, 9 bedrooms, 15 bathrooms, indoor basketball court and a 1 car garage. Wait, what?  (bairdwarner.com)	(38)
		Man stabbed over mistakenly taking bag full of harmonicas instead of taking bag full of tacos. In Florida, this makes perfect sense  (heraldtribune.com)	(20)

(Some Underinsured Guy)

Homeowners return from vacation to find car in bedroom - Hi Jessica? Jerry Newman with a policy question  (wfsb.com)

(58)

Fifteen beds that will never get you laid. Millennium Falcon FTW  (mentalfloss.com)

(188)

Russian airliner lands safely after Vladimir Putin changes flat tire from the bed of a speeding Nissan pickup truck  (bbc.co.uk)

(40)

(Some Guy)		On a positive note, eight of the kids WEREN'T tied to their beds  (kens5.com)	(30)
		Get stabbed in the face with a pen while trying to deal with an unruly passenger on your bus? You better believe that's a suspension...for the driver  (wrcbtv.com)	(22)
		If you've ever wanted to find out exactly how disappointing you are in bed, this is your lucky day. (Not safe for work)  (gizmodo.com)	(41)

		Pirate posing with random teens at Mardi Gras celebration is accidentally stabbed with his own knife  (wtsp.com)	(40)
(Siskiyou Daily)		Convenience store robbed by the Worst. Samurai. Ever  (siskiyoudaily.com)	(22)
		You know who else liked flower beds?  (telegraph.co.uk)	(42)

(Some Guy)		Denver police have issued their first "Medina" alert and are asking people to be on the lookout for man described as "funky, cold"  (y100.com)	(57)
		Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the English man, itsy bitsy spider bit him in the neck  (dailymail.co.uk)	(66)

(wmtw.com)

Police in Westbrook, Maine are on the lookout for a man who didn't rob a bank. Suspect is described as between 3' 6" to 7' tall, 85 to 475 lbs, and answers to the name, "Hey You"  (wmtw.com)

(83)

"Breaking Bad" star Giancarlo Esposito to appear on "Community." If this means that Gus Fring teams up with Evil Troy and Evil Abed, I'm all for it  (digitalspy.com)

(60)

Controversial PETA ad claims going vegan may make you so good in bed "you'll injure your girlfriend". Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this  (dailymail.co.uk)

(140)

Firefighters save 200 pounds of Polish sausage in what has been described as "definitely the best-smelling fire we've seen in a long time"  (wfaa.com)

(75)

TMZ Presents: Death Tub: The tub that kills pop divas. I presume this is a sequel to the 1977 film "Death Bed: The Bed That Eats"  (tmz.com)

(56)

(NBC 10)		Baby shower ends with three people stabbed after a drunken argument between relatives of mom-to-be and her baby daddy. Good luck, kid  (www2.turnto10.com)	(67)
		Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer robbed by machete-wielding intruder in the home he owns on the Caribbean island of Nevis  (google.com)	(139)
(fox59.com)		Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs in the hospital  (fox59.com)	(23)

Twenty minutes in a tanning bed will land more chicks than 26 minutes at the gym  (dailymail.co.uk)

(73)

		Attention whoring makes strange bedfellows: Al Sharpton comes out for gay marriage  (washingtonpost.com)	(49)
		Mitt Romney's latest proposal has been denounced by TEA party leaders, The Club For Growth, and the US Chamber of Commerce and described as "class warfare". The proposal? Making sure the minimum wage keeps up with inflation  (news.yahoo.com)	(286)

Michele Bachmann sees GOP race ending soon. Also sees evil socialist leprauchans sneaking into your children's bedrooms at night to give them HPV vaccines and free healthcare  (bloomberg.com)

(28)

(Some " guy)

If you are going to claim that burglars stole your TV and took it out through a window, it's probably a good idea to take some measurements first  (thisissouthdevon.co.uk)

(25)

		Remember back in 2009 after the economy shiat the bed and the experts said Americans had learned how to be frugal again? Well, we're back to buying expensive lattes and renewing magazine subscriptions  (mnn.com)	(104)
		Romney gets glitter-bombed, calls it victory confetti. Edward Cullen stares blankly, possibly approving  (cbsnews.com)	(67)

Tanning beds PREVENT cancer. And treat lupus and fibromyalgia. And skin cancer comes from sunscreen, anyway  (theatlanticwire.com)

(84)

		Famed British actor Ian Abercrombie dies at 77, his seven Seinfeld episodes imbedded his unique character in our memory forever  (washingtonpost.com)	(63)
		Fark headline recipe: article about female teacher having sex with students (check), vodak (check), Not Sure if Want pic (check)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(99)

(Kitsap Sun)		Drunk 21 year old enters wrong apartment, climbs into bed with 80 year old woman. He told police nothing happened, at least nothing he wanted to admit  (kitsapsun.com)	(35)
		Ceiling cat has relocated his operation to the floor next to your bed  (wimp.com)	(16)

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Also on Fark

Main	Andy Rooney's WWII scoop from Nov 7th, 1944: The day Nazi 'robot rockets' almost bombed New York  (usatoday.com) » (54 comments)
Sports	Finally, someone sings the Star Spangled Banner at a baseball game carefully, slowly, without vocal inflections, gymnastic melodic lines and theater gestures. Thank you ... Bob Saget?  (deadspin.com) » (37 comments)
Business	Businesses across U.S. grounded by critical helium shortage. You submitted this with a higher-pitched headline  (detroitnews.com) » (33 comments)
Geek	Forget physicalism. Let's doubt the Multiverse explanation. Maybe we're all just quantum bits in a quantum simulation  (scitechexplained.com) » (31 comments)
Entertainment	Upcoming CBGB movie is assembling a pretty cool cast. Bonus: Estelle Costanza  (hollywoodreporter.com) » (13 comments)
Politics	Former Senator Alan Simpson (R-easonable Republican): "Show me a guy who won't compromise and I'll show you a guy with rock for brains"  (huffingtonpost.com) » (4 comments)
Video	Forget physicalism. Let's doubt the Multiverse explanation. Maybe we're all just quantum bits in a quantum simulation  (scitechexplained.com) » (31 comments)

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