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Headlines matching 'ants'
Mon May 28, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Guy) Spiffy In an effort to get more loyal customers, bar will serve you a free steak if you buy a drink worth $4 or more. Your dog wants in on the next pub crawl  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (46)


Sat May 26, 2012
(The Hill) Dumbass Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-erp.) wants better control on your eggs  (thehill.com) (137)


Fri May 25, 2012
(MLive.com) Cool Dominik Hasek wants to goaltend again in the NHL. At age 47. With a 77 year old groin  (mlive.com) (37)


Thu May 24, 2012
(Slate) Scary You know those two 85-year-old women who sit at a table when you go to vote? The GOP wants to allow them to throw away your ballot  (slate.com) (233)
(Some Guy) Dumbass The school district's public information officer wants you to know that's not the vajayjay you're looking at  (wsoctv.com) (96)
(SeattlePI) Interesting Chris Hansen wants a new arena built in Seattle, preferably somewhere over there  (blog.seattlepi.com) (125)
(Some Guy) Scary Does a bear shiat in the woods? Usually, but if he wants to use the outhouse he won't wait for his turn  (winnipegfreepress.com) (39)
(Google) Obvious Lawyers for 9/11 defendants argue that a fair, impartial trial is impossible after Bush and Obama spent the last 11 years calling them "terrorists" in the national media. This is what happens when you let terrorists have lawyers  (google.com) (87)


Wed May 23, 2012
(The Sun) Sad Emu invades golf course, wants to talk about his feelings. The Sun is there, but it just doesn't care  (thesun.co.uk) (27)
(Reuters) Fail Chipotle accused of hiring illegal Mexican immigrants and is the subject of a Federal Investigation over hiring practices. Which is kind of ironic, considering their food is the furthest you can get from real Mexican  (reuters.com) (211)
(Media Matters) Hero Valiant right-wing journalist cracks the case of the so-called "situation room" photos from the bin Laden raid. "Are these Robert Gates's pants?" We may never really know  (mediamatters.org) (64)
(WRCB-TV) Fail Realizing that maybe the economy isn't his strong point, Romney shifts focus to education. You know, that part of the federal government over half his party wants to get rid of  (wrcbtv.com) (40)
(Forbes) PSA Verizon isn't evil because it hates you. Verizon is evil because it wants to make its shareholders some money. Is that so wrong?  (forbes.com) (8)


Tue May 22, 2012
(National Journal) Interesting We need Immigrants to do the jobs Americans won't. Because Americans isn't smart enough  (nationaljournal.com) (181)
(Some Guy) Obvious Politician horrified at something that is legal, safe, wants to ban it. "I mean that is just so crystal clear, there is no debate, no discussion"   (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (808)
(CNBC) Interesting Should you bet on the big object in Angie Merkel's pants?  (cnbc.com) (1)


Mon May 21, 2012
(ABC) Followup Judge refuses to delay the trial of former Penn State football coach, Jerry Sandusky; wants to get this crap over with before football season  (abcnews.go.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Interesting An all-white jury is 16% more likely to convict black defendants than a white defendant. Duke sucks  (today.duke.edu) (192)
(SFGate) Spiffy Alibaba grants Yahoo a $7.1 billion wish  (sfgate.com) (5)


Sun May 20, 2012
(SLTrib) Asinine DEA wants to scan all license plates on I-15 in Southern Utah, notes how they already do this in California and Texas and are considering Arizona as well. Papers, please, tovarich  (sltrib.com) (134)


Sat May 19, 2012
(Fedro) Interesting Can Barnett get past Cornier without pissing his pants hot. Can the "Black Fedor" break his hand against the WarMaster veteran and win the Tournament? Strikeforce Barnett Vs Cornier tonight on Showtime Extreme, 8:00 PM ET  (mixedmartialarts.com) (287)
(WSVN) Florida Who wants to volunteer to teach TSA employees to not play with the pepper spray they've just confiscated?  (wsvn.com) (28)


Fri May 18, 2012
(YouTube) Amusing Karen Gillan wants to put a Doctor Who spoof in your Doctor Who spoof  (youtube.com) (63)
(Huffington Post) Amusing Don't you hate it when you're out having a few drinks with people you know and you end up standing on a table without your pants, cursing at people? Tends to ruin your sister's wedding, you know?  (huffingtonpost.com) (56)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting MTV cancels "I Just Want My Pants Back" presumably to make room for "Ow, My Balls" on the fall line-up  (chicagotribune.com) (40)
(Short List) Sick The only thing more disgusting than these cupcake sausages is how much Subby wants to eat them  (shortlist.com) (30)


Thu May 17, 2012
(Sportsnet) Strange Jose Canseco is broke, alone and filled with regret. He also wants the reporter to fake an orgasm. Just go read this already, it's the most insane (and sad) athlete profile you'll find anywhere  (sportsnet.ca) (77)
(Some Guy) Followup Saggy Pants Bill falls on Alabama Senate floor  (1035superx.com) (47)
(Some Oil Drilliing Astronut) Scary NASA wants you to know there's now about 4700 possibilities for a remake of "Armageddon"  (phys.org) (9)


Wed May 16, 2012
(TMZ) Cool Stevie Wonder tells TMZ he wants to be one of their cameramen. Well, he definitely qualifies  (tmz.com) (8)


Tue May 15, 2012
(Google) Followup Jamie Dimon wants everyone to know that 23 million bucks stops with him  (google.com) (34)
(CNN) Sick Just a quick FYI: If your crazy neighbor texts you at 3 in the morning to say that she wants to be cremated with her children, you might want to pop on over and make sure she doesn't have any guns in the house  (cnn.com) (201)
(Wimp) Spiffy Dog has perfect pitch; wants to try out for your band  (wimp.com) (37)
(Dacula Patch) Amusing LOL headline of the day: "Woman to Officer: 'Those Aren't My Pants'"  (dacula.patch.com) (46)
(AnnArbor.com) Cool The University of Michigan's Computer and Video Game Archive, where you can go play any of their games and which wants to collect every video and computer game ever made  (annarbor.com) (47)
(Huffington Post) Sick From the Romero Institute, report finds that for-profit hospitals are pushing patients out too early. Chain restaurants nod in approval. Sick Tag is for how you left the hospital  (huffingtonpost.com) (63)
(Talking Points Memo) Dumbass Mitt Romney is afraid to say anything about the JP Morgan scandal because he wants people to forget he's a fan of big business   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (58)
(KOTV) Fail Protip: If you're going to be bounty hunters, make sure that A: You have the right address, and B: You and your buddy don't already have outstanding warrants on your own heads  (newson6.com) (39)


Mon May 14, 2012
(NJ.com) Strange NJ bank robbed by Death in sweatpants  (nj.com) (35)
(Imgur) Scary Mitt Romney wants to make it legal for you to hunt, shoot, and protect your family. You probably can't do all three at once though  (i.imgur.com) (95)
(Deadspin) Unlikely NBA commissioner David Stern, who can move franchises to a new city, veto trades and force injured players to wear suits wants people to think he can't do anything about flopping  (deadspin.com) (60)
(CNBC) Interesting Contraceptive implants may prevent repeat teen pregnancies. Finally, something to offset the effects that breast implants had on getting them pregnant in the first place  (cnbc.com) (44)


Sun May 13, 2012
(Daily Mail) Strange Transgender model wants Khloe Kardashian to pay $150,000 for beating her up outside a bar. With picture of transg--no, wait, that's Khloe  (dailymail.co.uk) (35)
(YouTube) Hero This's week's SHMHC brings you back to 1985 with Circle of the Tyrants from metal gods Celtic Frost. Come for metal as it was meant to be played. Stay for upside down cross faced guy in the crowd (you can't miss him)  (youtube.com) (87)
(Mother Nature Network) Strange Why is it so hip for restaurants to embrace serving locally grown food but they won't serve locally made wine?  (mnn.com) (121)


Sat May 12, 2012
(MSNBC) Followup The South takes yet another step on the short road to theocracy. This time Tennessee wants to ban "gateway sexual activity" such as hugging and kissing  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (264)


Fri May 11, 2012
(NJ.com) Dumbass Man implants magnets in his arm to hold his iPod  (nj.com) (62)
(WTOP) Unlikely DC's mayor wants you to know that, sure, he's given his son and daughter thousands of dollars worth of Verizon Center Sky Suite tickets to see acts like Jay-Z, Kanye West, and Britney Spears, but that was all totally to help the city  (wtop.com) (50)
(Think Progress) Asinine From the "did he really just say that?" files, Catholic League head Bill Donohue says that he wants the law to "discriminate against all alternative lifestyles", just like Jesus would (w/video)  (thinkprogress.org) (163)
(BBC) Scary The BBC wants us to know that we are all about to get raped by robots  (bbc.co.uk) (72)
(ABC) Sick Al-Qaeda bombmaker responsible for the new underwear bomb has designed bombs to fit in cameras, hard-drives and even domestic pets. Your dog wants this infidel defiler to drown in a lake of blood  (abcnews.go.com) (65)
(Bloomberg) Unlikely No one wants Facebook stock  (bloomberg.com) (85)


Thu May 10, 2012
(Some Guy) Interesting From what I can gather, illegal immigrants are suing because they can't have guns, and it's making women cry. (bonus: Derptastic reader comments)  (mega949.com) (415)
(New York Magazine) Sick If you're gay, Obama wants to help you get married. Romney wants to hold you down and forcibly cut your hair to humiliate you  (nymag.com) (418)
(Reuters) Asinine The officer in charge of censoring the audio coming from the military tribunals at Gitmo apparently decided that national security would be harmed if reporters were allowed to hear the phrase "big-boy pants"  (reuters.com) (37)
(Huffington Post) Asinine The GOP now wants pre-1790s census surveys to go with their pre-1960s health care system, pre-1930s finance laws, and pre-1900s campaigning rules  (huffingtonpost.com) (103)
(Daily Mail) Strange Was Christina Aguilera's sparkly hot pants a good look? Well, it depends  (dailymail.co.uk) (68)
(Some Guy) Followup To the untrained ear, Barkley was making a playful jab. But to the expert that is earus teabagus, one hears the truth: Charles Barkley wants to kill the next POTUS and rape his children, because they're white  (godfatherpolitics.com) (103)


Wed May 09, 2012
(Ars Technica) Interesting DDR4 memory is coming soon. I'm pretty sure that no one wants memories of my Dance Dance Revolution moves  (arstechnica.com) (36)
(Pro Football Talk) Followup Bill Romanowski says Cris Carter's pants are on fire  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (91)
(JSOnline) Dumbass Your estranged wife wants to vote for a Democrat. Do you: C) throw yourself in front of her moving vehicle?  (jsonline.com) (182)


Tue May 08, 2012
(ABC2News Baltimore) Interesting What mom really wants for Mother's Day -- an affair  (abc2news.com) (55)


Mon May 07, 2012
(Yahoo) Dumbass MLB imposes 100-game suspension on SF Giants reliever Guillermo Mota after he tests positive for a "performance enhancing drug," though with a 5.06 ERA I'm not sure it enhanced his performance  (sports.yahoo.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Amusing "They got away with at least $4-thousand worth of high-end corsets, leather items, and expensive massage lubricants before sheriff's deputies could respond"  (940winz.com) (137)
(CNN) Asinine Coming to your Merriam Webster 2013 edition. Brogrammer: "Someone who wants to bro down and crush some code"  (cnn.com) (59)
(Daily Mail) Obvious 1 out of 3 Americans would fail if they took the citizenship test. In contrast, 97% of the immigrants who take the test pass it  (dailymail.co.uk) (160)
(Some Guy) Scary US Military wants to microchip troops to track them. It's cheaper than buying them all iPhones  (businessinsider.com) (108)


Sat May 05, 2012
(Daily Stab) Spiffy Scarlett Johansson wants a Black Widow movie. Hey, anything that gets her back into that tight leather outfit is a winner  (dailystab.com) (253)
(El Paso Times) Spiffy Couple vows to visit all 735 Whataburger restaurants in the country or die of clogged arteries trying  (elpasotimes.com) (125)
(NFL) Unlikely Donovan McNabb wants to play football. This is not a repeat from, well, ever  (nfl.com) (62)


Fri May 04, 2012
(Wired) Obvious The FBI wants to backdoor Facebook, Skype, and Instant Messaging. Those guys are weird  (wired.com) (30)
(ProPublica) Obvious TSA complaint levels are down - because the TSA sits on complaints for four years hoping the complainants will simply go away  (propublica.org) (64)
(The Register) Dumbass Old and busted: 640k is all the memory anyone will ever need. New hotness: No one wants to watch DVDs on their computer  (theregister.co.uk) (109)
(Kingsport Times News) Dumbass Steps to quit smoking: 1) handcuff yourself tightly, 2) drop pants, 3) lose key, 4) call 911  (timesnews.net) (22)


Thu May 03, 2012
(Starpulse) Interesting For some reason subby wants to run out and buy stuff from The Sharper Image  (starpulse.com) (16)
(FrogSoda) Video Normally it's the one who drinks the six beers that ends up taking off their pants  (frogsoda.com) (12)
(Daily Stab) Amusing Hillary Clinton wants to help Jason Segel forget Sarah Marshall, but only if there are muppets involved  (dailystab.com) (40)


Wed May 02, 2012
(WPTV) Florida A bunch of guys decide to turn off their GPS devices, hide their cars, go home and watch a movie. Fark: They're on-duty deputies and sergeants  (wptv.com) (71)
(Daily Mail) Sad HBO's Magic City had so much trouble finding natural women without implants or bags of bones they had to place ads and proposition strangers on the beach  (dailymail.co.uk) (123)


Tue May 01, 2012
(Some Guy) Cool Apparently not content with just your browsing habits, Facebook now wants your organs   (digitallife.today.msnbc.msn.com) (37)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Followup Owner of the bar that told a girl to go be fat somewhere else wants to issue an apology, maybe even bake an apology cake  (press-citizen.com) (153)
(Marketwatch) Fail Merchants complain that new lightweight Canadian $1 and $2 coins are making vending machines go loonie  (marketwatch.com) (9)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Not news: Geek who never missed a day of school since kindergarten is graduating soon, valedictorian, and wants to study engineering. Fark: She's also captain of the cheerleading team, and yes, there's a photo  (westhawaiitoday.com) (240)


Mon April 30, 2012
(Architizer) Cool Home's glass-bottomed bathroom situated above deep elevator shaft will have guests crapping their pants before they ever reach the toilet (w/crap-inducing pics)  (architizer.com) (58)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Trading standards officers test lamb kebabs in 20 restaurants, they found that none contained just lamb  (dailymail.co.uk) (41)


Sun April 29, 2012
(TBO) Florida HOA goes insane, evicts tenants from their homes, then rents out same houses it doesn't even own  (www2.tbo.com) (320)
(Fark) Interesting Subbette honestly wants to know who Farkers think the strongest Fictional character is and why. Is Goku stronger than Superman? Is Doctor Who better than the Green Lantern? Discuss  (fark.com) (366)
(Daily Mail) Sad Chin implants the latest must-have for U.S teen girls wanting to make an impact on prom night  (dailymail.co.uk) (113)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Cool The Avengers has already grossed $178 million overseas. Guess the whole world wants to see Captain America throw his mighty shield  (hollywoodreporter.com) (119)


Sat April 28, 2012
(ABC) Scary S.F. Giants' Aubrey Huff placed on DL for anxiety attacks. Doctors suggest a trade back to the Orioles where there is absolutely no pressure to win  (abcnews.go.com) (12)


Fri April 27, 2012
(Kansas City) Fail Meth lab explodes in man's pants  (kansascity.com) (77)
(CNN) Followup Hot teacher wants to be fruitful and multiply, forgoes the bang-a-student route and instead pursues IVF with her husband. Ends up fired by her Catholic employer. Bonus points: still hot. Lightning round: suing the diocese. (tag for the employer)  (cnn.com) (422)


Thu April 26, 2012
(Huffington Post) Dumbass Small government Mitt Romney wants to install mandatory porn censoring devices on every computer in the country  (huffingtonpost.com) (260)
(Cracked) Stupid Want to be massaged by snakes or elephants? It is among the six "Luxury" Spa Treatments For The Extremely Rich & Insane  (cracked.com) (23)


Wed April 25, 2012
(Houston Chronicle) Amusing Goodwill wants to thank everyone for their recent donations but would like to point out that they cannot accept used bongs due to sanitary regulations  (chron.com) (89)


Tue April 24, 2012
(Fox Sports) Asinine Two years after signing a 4-year-deal worth $46 million, Darrelle Revis wants more money, 67 copies of Moby Dick, and naked pictures of Bea Arthur  (msn.foxsports.com) (77)
(LA Times) Obvious Report shows that effect of antidepressants on autism has been overstated by 39.4823474572 percent  (latimes.com) (11)


Sun April 22, 2012
(Talking Points Memo) Amusing Gotta love the courtesy contest these two are in. It's almost as if neither wants the dubious honor of riding on top of Mitt's car  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (100)


Sat April 21, 2012
(Yahoo) Interesting Hundreds of thousands may lose Internet access in July due to hackers. Take off your tinfoil hat, the FBI is here to help and wants to keep you online  (news.yahoo.com) (105)
(IOL) Interesting Michael Jackson's former bodyguard claims to be the real father of Blanket. Wants DNA testing and visitation. No word yet if he's booked on Maury  (iol.co.za) (35)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy World's Oldest Man celebrates 115th birthday, wants you to get off his lawn (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)


Thu April 19, 2012
(Talking Points Memo) Followup George Zimmerman wants a private meeting with the parents of Trayvon Martin. Preferably in a dark alley on a cool, rainy day  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (551)
(YouTube) Video Because it's Thursday, here's Tiny Toon's take on They Might Be Giants' Istanbul (Not Constantinople)  (youtube.com) (16)


Wed April 18, 2012
(ARTnews) Ironic Skulls with encrusted diamonds, the Pope struck by a meteor, nudes with distorted breasts, soiled toys and sheets, ants crawling on a cross. Bad taste is good business in the art world  (artnews.com) (29)
(The Daily Show) Amusing Pop quiz hotshot: If Johnny has 3 apples, and Billy wants 6, then calculate the square root of 83 until $47 Billion in new tax revenue becomes less than $300 million in subsidies to Planned Parenthood  (thedailyshow.com) (62)


Tue April 17, 2012
(Slate) Asinine Now that it's Tax Day, you should know that Grover Norquist wants your taxes to be even more complicated than they already are. Why? If paying taxes becomes easy, people will stop complaining about them  (slate.com) (96)
(AZCentral) Interesting The race to watch: Who will replace Gabby Giffords? The guy she picked? The man with the lead foot? The one from Texas? The old fart? Or the lady who wants to kick Santorum in the jimmy?  (azcentral.com) (37)
(Guardian) Followup Anders Breivik believes Hitler was an ardent multi-culturalist that tried to overrun Germany with Muslim immigrants. But otherwise, he's perfectly sane  (guardian.co.uk) (116)
(Huffington Post) Weird Twenty-eight-year-old man claims he has just become aware that he was circumcised, wants $1000 in compensatory damages from the hospital that circumcised him, is looking for tips to pursue his case  (huffingtonpost.com) (139)


Sun April 15, 2012
(CBS News) Asinine In 2010, President Obama and Vice President Biden broke ground at two Michigan plants. The plants were getting a combined $300 million in stimulus money to build electric car batteries. Korean workers got most of the jobs  (cbsnews.com) (109)
(Yahoo) Sad Giants fans, we've got some good news and bad. Good news: Brian Wilson's beard is in excellent shape. Bad news: We can't say the same for his elbow  (sports.yahoo.com) (36)
(Jalopnik) Fail More than anything else, a Lamborghini wants to kill you. With fire  (jalopnik.com) (64)


Fri April 13, 2012
(The Sun) Weird 'Dead' hamster digs itself out of grave, WANTS BRAINS (w/zombie hamster pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (71)


Thu April 12, 2012
(AP) Fail The head of the MLB players' union says steroids shouldn't keep players from the Hall of Fame. Oh, and he also wants to be on a desert island with Magic Johnson  (hosted.ap.org) (118)
(ESPN) Unlikely Giants' catcher scratched from lineup due to shingles. This is not a repeat from 1886  (sports.espn.go.com) (31)


Wed April 11, 2012
(The Smoking Gun) Spiffy Some people use stolen credit card numbers to eat at fancy restaurants. Others to buy booze or even pay utility bills. Then there's this guy  (thesmokinggun.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Asinine "You are in contempt of court because you showed your butt in court," a visibly irate Bush told Ramsey. "You can spend three days in jail. When you get out you can buy pants that fit"  (montgomeryadvertiser.com) (230)


Tue April 10, 2012
(Omaha World Herald) Dumbass Nebraska Gov. Dave Heinemann: Prenatal care a magnet for illegal immigrants. Researchers: About that  (omaha.com) (55)
(Yahoo) Followup Syrian casualties include 3 generals, 9 lieutenants, 5 captains, 3 majors, and one very fat colonel who called rebel leader a... "cheeky fellow"  (news.yahoo.com) (101)


Mon April 09, 2012
(Huffington Post) Amusing Studies show conservatives "low-effort" thinking. Well this is obviously false. Conservatives are the elephants and elephants have bigger brains than donkeys  (huffingtonpost.com) (165)
(Some Guy) Amusing Browns fans all atwitter over Trent Richardson Tweeting that he wants to play in Cleveland. There's only one problem. "It's not real. Trent doesn't have a Twitter and isn't planning on getting one"  (mediadailyla.com) (71)


Sun April 08, 2012
(Kotaku) Stupid Cosplayer asked to leave PAX due to her outfit. It's okay, she can stay at Subby'splace as long as she wants (image somewhat NSFW)  (kotaku.com) (332)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Miami is a good place for Ozzie Guillen because he can pretty much say any stupid thing he wants and no one will pay any attention. Unless, of course, he were to speak of his love for Fidel Castro - but even he's not that stupid, right?  (chicagotribune.com) (29)


Sat April 07, 2012
(Yahoo) Obvious Sidney Crosby admits he earned his reputation as a whiner, but wants the media to know that he's not a whiner anymore, he's not, he's not, he's not  (sports.yahoo.com) (49)
(The Register) Followup The MPAA is re-packaging SOPA as the "Puppies and Rainbows" act. Meanwhile, the government still wants to know what you're doing at all times  (theregister.co.uk) (94)
(Haaaaans) Cool Bruce Willis wants to share his Idaho ski hill with everyone by donating it to a non-profit. "Come out to the slopes, we'll get together, have a few laughs"  (outsideonline.com) (28)


Fri April 06, 2012
(Yahoo) Sick Department of Education cancels woman's $91,000 student loans due to her total disability. IRS now wants $26,000 in "back taxes" because the cancelled student loans count as income  (gma.yahoo.com) (279)
(WRCB-TV) Obvious Tennessee governor says all the attention on the asinine legislation his state has been proposing -- everything from not allowing teachers to mention homosexuality to banning lowrider pants -- is obviously the fault of the media  (wrcbtv.com) (86)
(ESPN) Obvious Roberto Mancini, everyone else, wants to punch Mario Balotelli  (soccernet.espn.go.com) (14)
(Some Guy) Scary The 50 Most Terrifying Easter Bunny Photos Ever. Suddenly Bugs Bunny not wearing any pants and occasionally dressing up like a woman totally makes sense  (worldwideinterweb.com) (61)
(The New York Times) Interesting Scientists prove that Jenny McCarthy's children are mutants  (mobile.nytimes.com) (168)
(Some Guy) Unlikely X-Files writer wants to believe there will be a third movie  (screendaily.com) (62)


Thu April 05, 2012
(Yahoo) Dumbass Terror leader dares the US to come and get him, at a public press conference: "I will be in Lahore tomorrow. America can contact me whenever it wants to," US Special Forces: "Challenge accepted"  (news.yahoo.com) (134)
(Yahoo) Obvious Michelle Obama appeared on Tuesday night's episode of "The Biggest Loser." Apparently to point at contestants and shout FATTY FATTY  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (55)
(NewsBusters) Dumbass Newsweek writer wants to impeach the Supreme Court for doing its job as decided in Marbury V Madison. Also wants the wizard to grant him a brain  (newsbusters.org) (111)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not News: Coffee shop owner advertises he is hiring for barista job. News: Female applicants only. FARK: He tried to interview them while he was nude  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (55)


Wed April 04, 2012
(Talking Points Memo) Dumbass Rep. Steve King wants to bring back "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". For private employers   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (240)


Tue April 03, 2012
(Las Vegas Sun) Unlikely Look who else wants a party held in Las Vegas  (lasvegassun.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Asinine 1988 called. It wants its pixelated bobbies back  (ubergizmo.com) (48)
(Click Orlando) Misc The first prosecutor in the Trayvon Martin case is a little upset at the "outright lies" being told in the media. Subby just wants to know brand of tennis shoe Trayvon had, the type of cell phone used, type of grass seed in the lawn  (clickorlando.com) (96)


Mon April 02, 2012
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Brietbart writer wants you to know that conservatives are funny, too  (breitbart.com) (215)


Sun April 01, 2012
(Des Moines Register) Cool The unseasonably warm weather has one small Iowa town fearing its annual Tulip Festival may get canceled because of premature blooming. But they have a solution: spray the plants with whiskey to delay the process  (desmoinesregister.com) (31)


Fri March 30, 2012
(Quad City Times) Asinine Out of 102 applicants, the University of Iowa hired Brian Ferentz as their offensive line coach. He'll be paid over $200,000 for his "job," and I'm sure the fact he's the head coach's son had nothing to do with it  (qctimes.com) (51)


Thu March 29, 2012
(Some Guy) Amusing "You found someone you like enough to marry? Who also wants to marry you? And now you want some farking towels as a bonus prize, are you kidding me?"  (thefrisky.com) (134)
(The Register) Interesting Bored of burning money, cars & servants, this year, tomb sweepers will be mostly burning iPads. Because the dead like their tablets  (theregister.co.uk) (18)
(The New Yorker) Sad Article written back in January by Steve Martin about Earl Scruggs. Your dog wants a banjo  (newyorker.com) (25)
(SFGate) Spiffy Amazon CEO wants to raise sunken Apollo 11 engines from Atlantic Ocean sound stage  (sfgate.com) (30)


Wed March 28, 2012
(Some Guy) Asinine Supreme Court rules that the Federal government can tell the world about your HIV status if it wants to  (fox8.com) (77)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Woman plants herb garden containing parsley, rosemary, ex-husband, basil, lavender...wait, what?  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Strange Man arrested for suddenly dropping his pants and filming the reactions of the people around him. FOX reportedly trying to secure the rights for their next reality TV show  (kitsapsun.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Scary God really wants this woman dead  (local12.com) (98)


Tue March 27, 2012
(Gawker) Spiffy Here's How to Condescend to 900 Job Applicants With a 3,000-Word Rejection Letter  (gawker.com) (138)
(SFGate) Obvious Maker of pink slime shutting down plants. When asked about green slime, the company replied "I don't know"  (sfgate.com) (273)
(Google) Asinine Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown (R) wants voters to know he's not part of the GOP's War on Women, and that he learns a lot from his wife and daughters. What specifically? "How to cook, sew, and clean"  (google.com) (93)


Mon March 26, 2012
(Science Daily) Ironic Popular "Junk" food contains more antioxidants than fruit, vegetables. Grab some popcorn, it's gonna be a knock-em-down, drag-em out fight  (sciencedaily.com) (171)
(Fox News) Interesting Texas town bans illegal immigrants from renting property within city limits, costing them $5 million in court costs  (latino.foxnews.com) (312)
(WRCB-TV) Asinine Tennessee legislators really can't stand young people showing ANY skin whatsoever, those wanton temptresses. Oh, and pull your pants up, too, young man  (wrcbtv.com) (140)


Sun March 25, 2012
(Some Gal) Silly Submitter wants to mess with her husband's auto-correct (shortcuts) on his iPhone tonight. When he types "ok," the phone will change it to "donkle" instead. Suggest other ideas  (techchoices.co.uk) (247)
(Abc.net.au) Unlikely Health group wants a floor price for alcohol to curb excessive drinking. Subby finds the floor is already the price he pays for excessive drinking  (abc.net.au) (51)


Sat March 24, 2012
(St. Petersburg Times) Photoshop The Republican National Convention is sponsoring a student art contest with the theme "Elephants On Parade." Give the kiddies a break and post your entry  (tampabay.com) (43)
(Daily Yomiuri) Strange Nearly bankrupt municipality of Izumi-Sano, Osaka Prefecture, plans to lease naming rights for city, city slogan, city hall, and public roads to interested applicants. Farkers see vacation to Izumi-Sano Boston Garden in their future  (yomiuri.co.jp) (30)


Fri March 23, 2012
(Think Progress) Obvious House budget gives $187,000 tax cut to everyone who matters. Suck it peasants  (thinkprogress.org) (151)
(USA Today) Interesting Bengals cheerleader says squad members torn by implants. Maybe they should have gone with a smaller size  (content.usatoday.com) (185)
(Toronto Star) Amusing The latest entrants in the War on Women are Canadian squirrels  (thestar.com) (26)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Not news: City Manager dumps his entire workload on his two assistants. Fark: Because he laid *himself* off in order to cut costs  (huffingtonpost.com) (50)


Thu March 22, 2012
(Some Guy) Strange Who wouldn't want this fine piece of art hanging in their drawing room, or servants back entry hallway?  (mcnaughtonart.com) (99)
(NYPost) Obvious According to the new ratings: SpongeBob SquarePants is all dried up, Snooki is in the red, not orange and Comedy Central is not the funnay  (nypost.com) (114)
(CBS News) Silly Your dog wants a pool. Warning: slideshow, but worth it  (cbsnews.com) (39)
(New York Daily News) Followup Jets QB wants to be traded or released following Tebow trade  (nydailynews.com) (82)
(Some Guy) Asinine Man busted for getting his little dog drunk more than four times the legal limit. Your dog wants a designated driver  (billingsgazette.com) (24)
(Hot Air) Asinine California Union wants to force parental school volunteers to unionize. But remember, it's all about the children  (hotair.com) (207)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Afraid your 12 year old daughter wants to go out clubbing? Build her a $1 million nightclub in your own house (w/ WTF pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (145)


Wed March 21, 2012
(Mercury News) Amusing Serious oenophiles pissed that the younger crowd wants to drink their wine to get drunk  (mercurynews.com) (79)
(Daily Mail) Scary Jealous woman wants revenge on her ex. Does she? A) Take a Louisville slugger to both head lights. B) Carve her name into his leather seats. C) Claim his new wife was carrying a bomb on airliner?  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)


Tue March 20, 2012
(The Local (Germany)) Scary Fertilizers are added to supply nutrients essential to the growth of plants. Like nitrogen, phosphorus, uranium, calcium, potWAIT WHAT?  (thelocal.de) (38)
(Politico) Amusing Newt Gingrich, the man who wants to run the country like a lean mean machine in the black, is in the red already  (politico.com) (37)


Mon March 19, 2012
(Daily Herald) Hero Two guys start making out at a Santorum rally. Crowd chants "USA USA" as the two are ejected. Santorum horrified by the incident, yet confused by the tingling in his pants  (dailyherald.com) (306)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass Is that a nipple chain in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?  (thelocal.se) (50)
(Some Guy) Weird Drunk robber with no pants throws vice grips at homeowners. Then it gets weird  (wmur.com) (18)


Sat March 17, 2012
(Daily Mail) Interesting Woman's glance can tell men she wants to fark (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (179)
(Yahoo) Interesting Lawyer for former Goldman-Sach employee on trial for leaking insider information to investment firm kinda wants to know why his client is on trial and the person the FBI has ON TAPE leaking info to the same firm hasn't even been charged  (news.yahoo.com) (29)


Fri March 16, 2012
(Some Guy) Fail "This American Life" retracts story on working conditions in Apple's Chinese plants after it turns out their main source was making shiat up  (macrumors.com) (160)
(Telegram) Cool Your cat wants steak  (telegram.com) (68)


Thu March 15, 2012
(Miami Herald) Stupid The CDC wants you to know smoking is still bad for you  (miamiherald.com) (123)
(Reuters) Fail "The first incident occurred at the Miami International Airport and involved a gentleman with seven small snakes in his pants"  (in.reuters.com) (28)
(Talking Points Memo) PSA Ron Paul wants you to know he and his 31 delegates are still in the race  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com) (165)


Wed March 14, 2012
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Niles man started hospital fire, claim police. He was probably trying to iron his pants for the first time  (chicagotribune.com) (35)
(Jezebel) Sick GOP Senator wants to outlaw divorce. But what if your husband beats you? You should just try to remember the good times  (jezebel.com) (327)
(New York Daily News) Amusing And, lo, the lamb opened the seventh seal and saw that Snooki wants Pauly D to DJ the birth of her child in the delivery room  (nydailynews.com) (68)
(MIT) Unlikely MIT wants to build a better parking lot  (web.mit.edu) (105)
(New York Daily News) Followup Little League team turns down donation from strip club. Wants to keep control of their own equipment  (nydailynews.com) (44)


Tue March 13, 2012
(The New York Times) Interesting College philosophy professor wants to launch Campaign for Renaming Academic Philosophy (CRAP)   (opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com) (140)
(Wired) Cool After 30 years, They Might Be Giants simply are  (wired.com) (85)
(Huffington Post) Hero Rick Santorum sticks up for the poor, downtrodden plants in this world  (huffingtonpost.com) (194)
(Entertainment Weekly) Sad As March Madness tips off tonight, let us take a moment to recognize that Gus Johnson won't be calling any games. Your bracket wants Gus  (popwatch.ew.com) (39)


Mon March 12, 2012
(The Raw Story) Dumbass Rick Santorum wants to make it illegal to use a teleprompter when campaigning. Smell the small government  (rawstory.com) (283)


Sun March 11, 2012
(Deadline) Followup Turns out, all Mars would have needed to triumph was the Lorax, at least according to box office receipts. And no one wants to see an Eddie Murphy movie anymore  (deadline.com) (94)
(The New York Times) Obvious Obama wants to pick up women  (nytimes.com) (159)


Sat March 10, 2012
(io9) Interesting Watch ants invade a scanner over the span of five years  (io9.com) (52)
(LA Times) Obvious Each of four pro-pot groups trying for a legalization referendum this year wants you to know that they're the real thing and the other three groups are conspiring against them  (latimes.com) (104)


Fri March 09, 2012
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you get busted for growing 18 cannabis plants next door to police station but are released, that doesn't mean you have free license to grow three times that amount  (thisisnottingham.co.uk) (4)
(MSNBC) Amusing Want your boner pills? Ohio wants to make it... *sunglasses* ...a lot harder. YEEEAAAAHHHHH  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (124)
(BBC) Unlikely Purple monkey dishwasher may cure pink elephants  (bbc.co.uk) (21)
(Hartford Courant) Scary Chicken jerky treats can kill your dog. You know what your dog wants  (courant.com) (69)


Thu March 08, 2012
(NBCMiami) Sad Robbers beat cat trapper, steal his pants  (nbcmiami.com) (28)
(NYPost) Obvious Fight attendants say electronic devices are now the number one cause of unruly behavior by passengers who can't understand how they can flummox a 747-8 Intercontinental with something they bought at Radio Shack  (nypost.com) (379)
(Yahoo) Florida Keyless car ignitions are too scary; Florida soon to mandate return to buggy whips. Gas station attendants, bank tellers, and newspaper printers keeping fingers crossed  (gma.yahoo.com) (146)
(Breitbart.com) Followup Breitbart says Ben Smith and Buzzfeed are Obama sycophants who are covering for him as usual, as opposed to the theory they're petulant whiny children who had their nothingburger scooped  (breitbart.com) (229)
(NPR) Obvious You're not going to believe this, but there are actually some women in the world who have a small problem with laundry instructions in men's pants that say, "give it to your woman, it's her job"  (npr.org) (126)


Wed March 07, 2012
(Some Guy) Asinine The Wisconsin Senator who wants to make single parenting illegal wishes to clarify his stance. He is only doing it because women are "trained to lie about planned pregnancies" and need to be held accountable  (rightwingwatch.org) (737)
(BBC) Interesting Seven questions on British food. Your dick wants spots  (bbc.co.uk) (68)
(Huffington Post) Stupid Ann Romney: "I don't even consider myself wealthy." She then went on to order one of her servants to put his foot in his mouth  (huffingtonpost.com) (365)


Tue March 06, 2012
(Talking Points Memo) Scary It's even worse than we thought: Obama is intentionally increasing the cost of gas to sabotage his own re-election because he wants America to fail  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (85)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Amusing Judge unflustered by accused's pants on the ground guilty plea  (cleveland.com) (18)


Mon March 05, 2012
(Marketwatch) Spiffy Intertek net up 12%, wants to know if you got the memo about the TPS reports  (marketwatch.com) (7)
(ESPN) Scary Giants / D-Backs game delayed by...OH, NO NOT THE BEES NOT THE BEES AAAAAHHHHH OH, THEY'RE IN MY EYES MY EYES AAAAHHHHH AAAAAGGHHH  (sports.espn.go.com) (28)


Sun March 04, 2012
(BBC) Unlikely Has the internet ruined putting on pants and going outside?  (bbc.co.uk) (42)


Sat March 03, 2012
(BBC) Asinine In other recession news, people will pay $$$ to have their dog's hair dyed, as the cost of "pet services" passes $50 billion in the US. Your dog wants filet mignon with a side of caviar and a Remy Martin VSOP  (bbc.co.uk) (78)
(Boston.com) Followup Mormon church sends out strongly worded letter warning congregants to stop stealing peoples souls  (boston.com) (120)


Fri March 02, 2012
(Yahoo) Stupid From the "Dumb s**t caught on Google's street cams" files: Man caught peeing in his front yard wants 10k Euros for becoming the laughing stock of his village, and now the world knows too  (news.yahoo.com) (87)


Thu March 01, 2012
(Topeka Capital-Journal) Sad KKK wants to filet some soul  (cjonline.com) (151)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass University of Georgia soccer player charged with stealing hash browns by stuffing them down her pants. Napoleon Dynamite reportedly unimpressed. Bonus: Hash browns recipe video  (huffingtonpost.com) (70)
(Some &#$% Scientist) Dumbass Girl rants on video about how stupid Leap Year is, makes Santorum change his stance on birth control. (Not safe for work language)  (dumbassdaily.com) (99)


Wed February 29, 2012
(CNN) Unlikely US Secretary of homeland security says the War on Drugs in Mexico is not a failure, presumably while sitting in a pool of water so her pants don't spontaneously combust  (cnn.com) (36)


Tue February 28, 2012
(Daily Kos) Ironic Mitt Romney decries despicable tactic of voting in other party's primary, used by such miscreants as Mitt Romney  (dailykos.com) (96)
(610 WIOD) Weird L.A. County to allow dogs at restaurants, but they're not allowed to sit on chairs. Well okay then  (610wiod.com) (58)


Mon February 27, 2012
(Hartford Courant) Dumbass Man unzips pants, exposes genitals at tax service office. Witnesses say it was a short form  (courant.com) (18)
(WBNG Binghamton) Weird Homeowner calls police after 24-year-old woman breaks into his house, removes her pants and surprises him. Conclusion: this woman is not attractive  (wbng.com) (123)
(TMZ) Interesting Lindsay Lohan wants SNL to joke about anything. *Seductively lowers sunglasses* ANYTHING  (tmz.com) (36)


Sat February 25, 2012
(Boston Herald) PSA Vending machine fees will be seven times higher thanks to Obamacare. Or because the governor wants more revenue. Definitely one of those  (bostonherald.com) (121)


Fri February 24, 2012
(The Middletown Press) Scary Connecticut school teacher sent naked cell phone pictures of herself to male student. With mugshaaaaaawwww, no one wants to see that  (middletownpress.com) (61)
(kstp.com) Fail Is that a TV in your pants, or are you just glad to see me?  (kstp.com) (19)


Thu February 23, 2012
(Spinner) PSA Meat Loaf wants you to know two things: he prefers being called Meat, not Mr. Loaf; and he has had several paranormal encounters in his lifetime  (spinner.com) (67)
(Talking Points Memo) Interesting The season finale of "Who wants to get his ass kicked in November?" in 100 seconds  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com) (24)


Wed February 22, 2012
(Buzzfeed) Amusing Will Smith playing Nintendo in a backwards hat, on a zebra rug, wearing Nike Airs and Zubaz pants, with a Mariah Carey CD on the ground--and 47 other pictures that perfectly capture the 90s  (buzzfeed.com) (152)


Tue February 21, 2012
(BusinessWeek) Fail Foreign immigrants to Spain didn't expect some sort of Spanish real estate implosition  (businessweek.com) (23)
(AZCentral) Interesting School board updates dress code to ban jeans, sweatpants, flip-flops, and shirts that show too much cleavage and midriffs. Fark: The dress code is for the teachers, not the students  (azcentral.com) (66)
(Fark) Survey We've got lots of Louisiana transplants here in Texas, so Fat Tuesday is a pretty big deal. How are you celebrating Fat Tuesday?  (fark.com) (154)
(Sun Sentinel) Strange South Florida residents finding sticky white goo all over cars and plants. Ron Jeremy, Peter North claim they were in California the whole time  (sun-sentinel.com) (20)
(Daily Mail) Florida Not news: Fast food CEO works a shift at one of his restaurants for an episode of "Undercover Boss". Fark: He's so shocked by the abusive behavior of the shift manager that he breaks cover and confronts him (w/photos & video)  (dailymail.co.uk) (290)


Mon February 20, 2012
(KATU) Amusing Half off all black dog adoptions next month in Portland. White elephants still full price in DC  (damascus.katu.com) (106)
(Some Guy) Scary The US has four major intel services: The CIA which monitors foreign activity, The FBI which monitors domestic threats, the NSA which handles electronic surveillance and the NYPD which seems to be able to do whatever the hell it wants  (kens5.com) (82)


Sun February 19, 2012
(Daily Mail) Scary That text to your BFF Jill? We're saving it for a year just in case the government wants to give it a read. You know...for your own safety  (dailymail.co.uk) (99)
(Daily Kos) Silly Rick Santorum wants a federal commissar to ensure enough conservative professors are hired by universities. That seems pretty reasonable  (dailykos.com) (411)


Sat February 18, 2012
(CNN) Interesting The US Postal Service wants to raise the price of stamps to 50 cents so they can pay for all the extra buggy whips needed for speedy mail delivery  (money.cnn.com) (208)


Fri February 17, 2012
(NJ.com) Stupid If a tree falls in a creek and no one wants to pay $12,000 for a permit to remove it, did it make a splash?  (nj.com) (115)
(Slate) Strange In today's economic man-bites-dog story ... For the first time ever, Bank of Japan says it wants inflation  (slate.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Cool Not news: Sheriff knocks on door to canvas for voters. News: Sheriff finds marijuana grow house and busts occupants. Fark: One occupant says the sheriff has his vote on Election Day. With two of the happiest mugshots you'll ever see  (5newsonline.com) (88)


Thu February 16, 2012
(Seattle Times) Interesting Chris Hansen wants to build Seattle a new sports arena and for you to sit right over there  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (39)
(The New York Times) Sad Gary Edmund Carter. "Kid." Expos 1974-84, 1992; Mets 1985-89; Giants 1990; Dodgers 1991; Angels 2012  (nytimes.com) (104)
(Business News Daily) Obvious Nobody wants to be a CEO anymore, just get paid like one  (businessnewsdaily.com) (15)
(Network World) Fail EFF wants to borrow this here fail tag and slap it on some trolls  (networkworld.com) (5)


Wed February 15, 2012
(AZCentral) Silly Having solved the state's other problems, Arizona lawmaker wants to force advertisers to disclose when they airbrush their models  (azcentral.com) (86)
(KTRK) Ironic Singer whose biggest hit is about blowing away her boyfriend with a shotgun wants to know why the Grammys apparently condoned domestic violence by allowing Chris Brown to perform  (abclocal.go.com) (108)
(USA Today) Interesting The demographics of the home-schooled continue to evolve and grow, from religious nutballs and the big ol' teeth in the past to the modern-day secular helo-mommy who never wants her precious baby out of her sight  (usatoday.com) (344)
(Yahoo) Sad Ray Charles Foundation wants donation back after not seeing results  (news.yahoo.com) (27)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious The last minute bailout the Greek government just agreed to? Looks like the EU wants them to work the shaft and cradle their balls a bit more before getting the cash  (abc.net.au) (34)
(Guardian) Interesting Chavez campaign goes negative. Apparently, he really wants to increase his 99% share of the vote this time  (guardian.co.uk) (19)


Tue February 14, 2012
(Washington Post) Asinine What booty calls, prostitutes, cigars, the Village People have in common? They are all things FBI agents shouldn't text informants about  (washingtonpost.com) (25)
(Fark) Hero From all of us who enjoy working and dining in fine restaurants to amateur VD diners: Leave your demon spawn with a sitter and remember to tip decently. Stay home or get takeout if you can't afford either. Thanks  (fark.com) (705)


Mon February 13, 2012
(Daily Mail) Obvious Katy Perry's gaze magnetically drawn to Rihanna's cleavage, wants to kiss a girl  (dailymail.co.uk) (73)
(Marketwatch) Spiffy The economic downturn is just killing us, I mean even GE is shutting down... wait, they're opening three new plants this year? Oh sure, but those are probably overseas and... wait, Mississippi, Alabama and Ohio? Really?  (marketwatch.com) (22)


Sun February 12, 2012
(MSNBC) Interesting Arab League wants peacekeepers in Syria. D'Argo and Chiana still think it's a bad idea  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (115)
(Telegraph) Obvious The French just can't understand Fark, deodorants  (telegraph.co.uk) (80)
(SeattlePI) Spiffy Canine blood bank helps to save other dogs in need. Your dog wants a small glass of orange juice and a sugar cookie  (seattlepi.com) (36)
(Stars and Stripes) Asinine Bad: After leaving US Army nine years ago, veteran arrested for being AWOL finally gets discharge paperwork straightened out. Fark: He's not the only discharged vet with outstanding AWOL warrants  (stripes.com) (106)


Sat February 11, 2012
(Some Interviewer) Followup Veteran NBA observer Metta World Peace assesses Jeremy Lin, advises him to play at Rucker, get better haircut, wear leather pants, read Newsday and the WSJ, and come to practice lit  (ken-berger.blogs.cbssports.com) (22)
(STLToday) Amusing Attention Underpants Gnomes, finally after a long, agonizing wait, it's time for phase three  (stltoday.com) (27)
(bad jocks) Dumbass High school coaching 101: Pulling down the warm up pants of your basketball players is not a good practical joke. Especially if they're female. Especially if they're not wearing their shorts  (badjocks.com) (33)


Fri February 10, 2012
(Engadget) Spiffy Microsoft developer feels bad for leaving his dog home alone all day long, creates DarwinBot with Skype, a ball launcher and a treat dispenser. Your dog wants privacy  (engadget.com) (36)
(BusinessWeek) Hero Mr. Bay wants to kill the QR code. Hopefully WITH LOTS OF EXPLOSIONS AND FORCED DIALOGUE  (businessweek.com) (59)


Thu February 09, 2012
(New York Daily News) Sappy If you fumbled getting your camera back from a fellow Giants fan taking your picture at the Superbowl you might want to click this link  (nydailynews.com) (24)
(NYPost) Amusing Giants fans were holding more then their breath until after Tom Brady threw that Hail Mary toss according to the Department of Environmental Protection  (nypost.com) (33)
(Fox News) Followup Remember that guy who wants to adopt his 42-year-old girlfriend? His kids have asked a judge to block the adoption because they don't want to have a mom-sister, like so many of their friends in the Panhandle do  (foxnews.com) (61)
(Politico) Stupid Like a typical politician, Obama wants to be reelected, raise money AND make clear policy distinctions with his opposition. How droll, how uncouth, how offensive to sensibilities of our cherished political punditry. Have you no shame sir?  (politico.com) (45)
(the score) Interesting Did the Giants cheat within the rules by running 12 men on the field to run time off the clock?  (blogs.thescore.com) (156)
(First Coast News) Dumbass Party City isn't supposed to be about a party in your pants but surveillance video shows that's what it's become for shoplifters  (firstcoastnews.com) (20)
(MSNBC) Obvious Mexico wants to be less decapitatey, more touristy  (itineraries.msnbc.msn.com) (77)


Wed February 08, 2012
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Cute girlfriend of New York Giants linebacker Greg Jones gets her own Super Bowl ring during post game celebration (w/video)  (dailymail.co.uk) (33)
(Washington Post) Unlikely Democratic congressional chairman wants you to know that the millions he sent a state agency was for society's good, not to get his son a $129,000 per year job. And the fact that his son left as soon as he lost the chairmanship? Coincidence  (washingtonpost.com) (36)


Tue February 07, 2012
(NPR) Obvious So just how important are illegal immigrants to a state's economy? So important that even the Alabama hillbillies who voted for their tough anti-immigration laws are starting to second-guess themselves  (npr.org) (200)


Mon February 06, 2012
(RealClearPolitics) Fail Question: Why have college tuitions gone up? Joe Biden Answer: Government subsidies like the ones President Obama wants to expand  (realclearpolitics.com) (149)
(Mother Nature Network) Scary The rate of STDs is skyrocketing among sexually active senior citizens. Keep that in mind the next time your Nana wants to give you a kiss  (mnn.com) (95)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida You know your ex is a committed stalker if he wants to win back your heart by kidnapping you using a plan that's so detailed it's 23 pages long, has maps and photos and even a code name: "Operation Stitches"  (palmbeachpost.com) (124)


Sun February 05, 2012
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Note to wanna-be human traffickers: If you're going to transport five illegal Mexican immigrants in your SUV, always remember to put on a license plate  (tampabay.com) (22)
(ESPN) Cool CAN the Giants shock the world again? WILL the Patriots avenge their defeat from four years ago? HOW MANY FARKers will succumb to alcohol poisoning this year? THIS is YOUR Super Bowl XLVI Discussion Thread. (Kickoff @ 6:30 EST on NBC)  (scores.espn.go.com) (lots)
(ESPN) Interesting The Giants official website congratulates the Giants on winning the Super Bowl, before the game is played  (espn.go.com) (48)
(Deadspin) Spiffy There's a new professional basketball scoring record, as the ABA's Jacksonville Giants win 211-84  (deadspin.com) (14)


Sat February 04, 2012
(Some Tipster) Scary UN wants to circumcise 20 million African men by 2015. Some say this is making a mountain out of a mohel  (monitor.co.ug) (324)
(CNN) Sad Obesity epidemic hits US pets. Your dog wants steak, but could use a salad  (cnn.com) (121)
(UPI) Florida Pigs pinch pensioner for propagating potted poolside pot plants. Pisser  (upi.com) (24)


Fri February 03, 2012
(The Smoking Gun) Silly This week's Mugshot Roundup features assaults, DUI's, bench warrants and wait........... they arrested a melted candle?  (thesmokinggun.com) (115)
(CTV) Interesting Canadian Senator wants to give prisoners the option of being in the loop  (ctv.ca) (143)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Mick Jagger's 16-year-old granddaughter says she's already found 'the one' and wants to get married (with "you'd hit it in two years" pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (72)
(Fox Sports) Scary After Super Bowl sound check, Madonna now in great shape, ready to play on NY Giants' special teams  (msn.foxsports.com) (39)


Thu February 02, 2012
(doctorwhotv.co.uk) Interesting Matt Smith wants a "cooler, younger Doctor" for number 12. Becoming ginger notably absent  (doctorwhotv.co.uk) (174)
(Duluth News Tribune) Asinine Yet another example of Facebook shares no one wants to see  (duluthnewstribune.com) (20)
(ABC) Stupid Having run out of regular immigrants, Canada recruits bureaucrats to pose as new Canadians for a citizenship ceremony  (abcnews.go.com) (37)
(MSNBC) Asinine Problem: the renters you have in your flat aren't even paying close to the prices with which you could gouge Olympic tourists. Solution: evict the tenants. Wow, that wasn't even really much of a problem, now, was it?  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (175)
(Scientific American) Fail Thanks a lot, plants  (scientificamerican.com) (36)


Wed February 01, 2012
(STLToday) Stupid Having solved all other problems, Illinois wants to ban texting while biking  (stltoday.com) (96)
(Canada.com) Interesting Problem: Australia infested with invasive African grass that fuels wildfires. Solution: Import elephants and rhinos as lawnmowers  (canada.com) (113)
(Boston.com) Obvious Michelle Bachmann has campaign debt. Mitt Romney has lots of money. Romney wants Bachmann's endorsement. What happens next?  (boston.com) (41)


Tue January 31, 2012
(Daily Mail) Stupid England soiling its collective pants as temperatures may drop to 12°F. What ever happened to "keep a stiff upper lip"?  (dailymail.co.uk) (118)


Mon January 30, 2012
(Discover) Fail Scientists determine global warming caused by the Wall Street Journal's and Daily Mail's pants being on fire  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (460)
(CBS-NY) Unlikely State Senator wants to ban eating on NYC subway trains. All other bodily functions still encouraged  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (107)
(Slate) Obvious A careful, point-by-point analysis of why Newt's moon base idea is pants-on-head retarded  (slate.com) (226)
(Some Guy) Scary Oh, and careful around that Griff character. He's got a few short circuits in his bionic implants  (spectrum.ieee.org) (16)
(WBIR) Dumbass Tennessee Tea Party wants to remove slavery from textbooks. But don't you dare call them racist  (wbir.com) (345)


Sun January 29, 2012
(Bleacher Report) Spiffy Will Kane's Libertarian hate or John Cena's constipated face win the day? Will SHOOOOOOOW or Mizark squash Daniel Bryan like so many peas? Who will this years surprise entrants be? It's the 25th Royal Rumble, live on PPV at 8 PM ET  (bleacherreport.com) (2883)
(Science Daily) Interesting Life found on dead hydrothermal vents. Which makes them not so dead, Mr. Science-Pants  (sciencedaily.com) (22)
(CNN) Interesting CNN Asks "Who should be allowed to teach Yoga?" If their answer is anything other than "hot, flexible broads in tight pants", they're wrong  (cnn.com) (170)

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