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Headlines matching 'Unk'
Sat May 26, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(AZ Family) Strange Who here can honestly say they've never gotten drunk and decided to throw a Molotov cocktail at a medical helicopter?  (azfamily.com) (38)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Recent excavations reveal Easter Island heads have bodies sunk many feet into the ground  (dailymail.co.uk) (44)


Fri May 25, 2012
(Lincoln Journal Star) Followup Old news: Nebraska man convicted of driving while drunk and naked, with truck full of naked passengers. New News: Arrested for stealing 2700 gallons of jet fuel to run his farm equipment. Fark: 1400 gallons of it remain missing  (journalstar.com) (47)


Thu May 24, 2012
(ABC) Silly Old and busted: Low-carb junk food. New hotness: Gluten free junk food  (abcnews.go.com) (176)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Stand aside King Krunk, there is another contender for the crown  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(MSNBC) Scary It is not legal to get into a drunk driving accident, then to bury the driver of the other car alive. Not even in China  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (45)
(SameSame) Cool Cate Blanchett to play lead in classic lesbian love story. In related news, bunk futures have just reached an all time high  (samesame.com.au) (27)
(Doubtful News) Cool Doubtful News/The Skeptic thanks FARK for the chilling story about a 10 kilo chunk of ice in China  (skeptic.com) (0)


Wed May 23, 2012
(Architizer) Strange Korean artist constructs "Type City", a leaden miniature city made out of movable type from junked printing press. Meanwhile, in Comic Sansville, you are advised not to drink from public fontains  (architizer.com) (16)
(Telegraph) Sad Best. Vicar. Ever: four-minute sermons, bring-a-bottle confirmation classes, and if he was too drunk to pronounce "vicissitude" at Christmas midnight mass he'd simply pick up where he left off the next Christmas  (telegraph.co.uk) (36)
(The Eagle Tribune) Obvious Drunk hit-and-run driver turns into sober driver after officers discover he's a retired cop  (eagletribune.com) (65)
(CNN) Interesting Ford able to get its logo back from the pawn shop after being able to make this month's rent. Status of DVD player and old Refreshments CD "Fizzy Fuzzy Big & Buzzy" still unknown  (money.cnn.com) (10)
(Denver Post) Asinine If you're a Denver cop and get drunk and drive 143 MPH, you would think that you'd lose your job. Well, think again  (denverpost.com) (40)


Tue May 22, 2012
(Des Moines Register) Fail "Sorry, officer. I didn't want to drive drunk, but the zebra had too much wine and the parrot wasn't listening to me"  (desmoinesregister.com) (24)
(Short List) Fail "Hello, 911? I wish to report a drunk driver. He's driving my car and looks exactly like me. I'm going to pull over now so can you have an officer come by and arrest me? Thanks"  (shortlist.com) (42)


Mon May 21, 2012
(Bleacher Report) Obvious There may be good matches on WWE Monday Night Raw. CM Punk and Daniel Bryan may tear the house down again. Christian may make his triumphant return. But it'll all go to hell with Johnny Ace, John Cena, and a crying Giant. 9 PM on USA  (bleacherreport.com) (1524)
(The Local (Germany)) Fail ...But if you must use downtown Cologne as your driving range while drunk at 6:00 a.m. and get into a confrontation with a cab driver after hitting his car with a ball, don't pull a knife on him  (thelocal.de) (17)


Sun May 20, 2012
(Yahoo) Amusing Will Big Johnny defeat Divorced Johnny? Will CM Punk and Daniel Bryan get 30 minutes? Sure, all the other matches are terrible but this thread will be enlightened. It is your Over the Limit PPV thread (7:30 ET)  (sports.yahoo.com) (2102)
(Ottawa Citizen) Amusing One man's war with squirrels. He almost had them beat until they made a pact with the chipmunks  (ottawacitizen.com) (88)
(ESPN) Fail Manny Ramirez goes 0-4 with 3 strikeouts in AAA debut, gets pulled for pinch hitter in 9th inning. Guess he really is off the junk this time  (espn.go.com) (29)


Sat May 19, 2012
(MSNBC) Spiffy It's your 2012 Preakness discussion thread. Can the Bodemeister run away from the field? Can you run away from your wife when she realizes you lost $500 and are fall-down drunk? Make your picks  (nbcsports.msnbc.com) (83)
(Some Guy) Amusing Tired of dealing with a couple drunks on your police shift and the jail is full? Drive them a mile outside of town and abandon them on the side of the road  (billingsgazette.com) (46)


Fri May 18, 2012
(Some Guy) Cool Caron Butler's awesome dunk on Tim Duncan, followed by Tim Duncan's epic walk of shame (video)  (dimemag.com) (76)
(Deadspin) Video Adventures in local news reporting: "Fark you, I hope you get AIDS" with a bonus drunk, shirtless man falling out of a window behind a reporter  (deadspin.com) (22)


Thu May 17, 2012
(YouTube) Fail Kareem Abdul Jabbar misses an easy dunk on Jeopardy  (youtube.com) (15)
(Topless Robot) Silly Ten homages the new My Little Pony cartoon has made, from Jesus from The Big Lebowski to Q. That might explain this Brony phenomenon  (toplessrobot.com) (100)


Wed May 16, 2012
(CNN) Cool New MacBook Pro includes slim design, new retina display. Voight-Kampff testing capabilities still unknown  (cnn.com) (78)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida What do you do with a drunken Saylor? Put some clothes on her til she's sober. HO HO and up she rises. Ear-lye in the morning  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (38)
(Coming Soon) Cool Brian De Palma to direct Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace in "I'll Be in My Bunk: The Movie"  (comingsoon.net) (61)
(The Sun) Amusing Hey, Britney Spears, what's shaking? Oh... well, asked and answered, I guess  (thesun.co.uk) (71)


Tue May 15, 2012
(Taste of Country) Spiffy Taylor Swift fans miss concert because of drunk driver. Weeping messenger bluebirds dispatched; Swift's woodland headquarters immediately goes on Rainbow Alert  (tasteofcountry.com) (31)


Sun May 13, 2012
(Yahoo) Interesting The arrest of a punk band with one of the greatest band names ever highlights a major conflict in Russian politics and culture going on now: the Russian Orthodox church vs. people who think they've become toadies for Putin  (news.yahoo.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Obvious Peter Weller sneers when asked if he'll be wearing funky prosthetics in the upcoming Star Trek movie: "Do I look like an alien to you? No man ... I have my own ship"  (trekweb.com) (47)
(Wikipedia) Sad God's band just got a little funkier: Donald Duck Dunn is gone  (en.wikipedia.org) (62)


Sat May 12, 2012
(New York Daily News) Followup Drunk-driving, girlfriend-adopting millionaire who left the scene of a fatal accident is going to find out how it feels to be someone's adopted girlfriend  (nydailynews.com) (43)
(Deadline) Strange ABC is bringing Reba McEntire back to primetime for some unknown reason  (deadline.com) (52)


Fri May 11, 2012
(Cracked) Scary Six mind-blowing animal infestations straight out of The Bible, from drunk baboons to kamikaze carp  (cracked.com) (29)
(6abc) Dumbass Man with knife tries to rob Philadelphia Dunkin' Donuts store. Unfortunately for him, the clerk had a bigger knife. Surveillance video included, Crocodile Dundee jokes are not  (abclocal.go.com) (33)
(Courier Mail) Strange I'm no Biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure Jesus never ripped off a chunk of someone's earlobe for not doing the dishes  (couriermail.com.au) (25)


Thu May 10, 2012
(Pro Football Talk) Unlikely Jets QB says that "Tim Tebow is a backup quarterback first, and then he'll do plenty of other stuff.". Unknown what the other stuff is, but a brand new shoeshine kit and chauffeur's hat was found in front of Tebow's locker   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (52)
(NBCWashington) Hero Bike thief punked by victim after trying to sell it on Craigslist  (nbcwashington.com) (126)


Wed May 09, 2012
(Bleacher Report) Silly Breaking down the most annoying, drunk and stupid types of sports fans (here's looking at you, soccer snob)  (bleacherreport.com) (44)
(FilmDrunk) Spiffy Filmdrunk was so impressed by Fark's 'Avengers' headline that they featured it in their morning roundup. No... it's down a ways... further... further... well maybe they weren't *that* impressed  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com) (1)
(ABC) Strange Lead singer of punk band "Against Me" says he's undergoing a sex change because he's always felt like a woman trapped in a man's body-a lesbian woman, however, so he's going to stay married to his wife  (abcnews.go.com) (109)


Tue May 08, 2012
(Bitten and Bound) Fail Who wouldn't love a sexy Bollywood Samba that featured scantily-clad Maria Menounos sandwiched between two hot hunks? Head judge Len Goodman ... that's who. #dumbass w/vid  (bittenandbound.com) (22)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Drunk college student jumps three stories into a pool. Missed it by THAT much  (dailymail.co.uk) (75)


Mon May 07, 2012
(Some Guy) PSA When accused of child molestation "I do a lot of stupid shiat when I'm drunk" may not be the best defense  (blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com) (40)
(YouTube) Cool I think every Monday should start with Felicia Day trying on steampunk fashions  (youtube.com) (70)
(Yahoo) Dumbass The sole Canadian on US death row claims he is a changed man. He hasn't watched hockey in years, eats Dunkin Donuts, puts ketchup on his freedom fries and measures summer in months not hours  (news.yahoo.com) (86)


Sat May 05, 2012
(Fox News) Sappy National Christmas tree in DC dies. Sources say this was the only working branch of government at the time. Tag is for the tree trunk  (foxnews.com) (56)


Fri May 04, 2012
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Man arrested for felony DUI, improper storage of a trunk monkey  (tampabay.com) (39)
(YouTube) Video Why you should never film a Kickstarter video drunk  (m.youtube.com) (18)


Thu May 03, 2012
(ESPN) Scary Sign of the apocalypse: College football players involved in rollover accident, not at fault, not found drunk or in possession of drugs or weapons  (espn.go.com) (9)
(Guardian) Obvious Sir Mervyn King admits that the financial crisis has indeed a single cause - deregulation of banks. No worries dear chap, your successor will surely make everything hunky dory  (guardian.co.uk) (17)
(Short List) Weird The spray that gets you instantly drunk is pointlessly amazing and amazingly pointless  (shortlist.com) (44)
(Fox 5 Atlanta) Dumbass Protip: If your first kidnapping victim gets out of the trunk of your car and escapes, you may want to wait a little more than 30 minutes before trying to kidnap another woman. Just sayin'  (myfoxatlanta.com) (44)


Wed May 02, 2012
(Daily Mail) Sad HBO's Magic City had so much trouble finding natural women without implants or bags of bones they had to place ads and proposition strangers on the beach  (dailymail.co.uk) (123)


Tue May 01, 2012
(Newser) Dumbass Woman comes home drunk and bites family dog. Dog bites back in self defense. No charges against the dog  (newser.com) (49)
(Mother Jones) Cool New Jersey punk band Screaming Females get "Ugly"... and by ugly Subby means awesome  (motherjones.com) (60)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Drunk couple decide that towing their 7-year-old granddaughter's Hot Wheels racer behind an SUV, with granddaughter at the wheel in car show attire, is a really cool idea. Strangely, a deputy watching this was not amused  (heraldtribune.com) (46)
(USA Today) Silly "Funky Winkerbean" takes a break from cancer and soul-crushing depression to send a couple of boys to the prom together  (usatoday.com) (45)


Mon April 30, 2012
(Connecticut Post) Dumbass Drunk driver crashes into liquor store. JACKPOT  (ctpost.com) (17)


Sun April 29, 2012
(Yahoo) Interesting Will the team of John Cena and Diverticulitis defeat Brock Lesnar? Can CM Punk quit crying and cutting himself long enough to face Chris Jericho? Will Daniel Bryan's match last more than 18 seconds? It's WWE Extreme Rules, 8 PM on PPV  (sports.yahoo.com) (lots)


Fri April 27, 2012
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these drunken revellers  (kirus.ru) (27)
(NYPost) Dumbass Dumb: Getting drunk and picking up a prostitute. Dumber: Passing out in a hotel room in the company of prostitute. Dumbest: Passing out in the company of a prostitute while in possession of $500K worth of diamonds  (nypost.com) (49)


Wed April 25, 2012
(Talking Points Memo) Followup Some of the Secret Service Agents did not have sex with the hookers because they were too drunk. Also, Secret Service Agents on Bill Clinton's detail went to a Brazilian strip club, though that was part of their protective duties   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (64)


Tue April 24, 2012
(UPI) Florida Fake Dunkin' Donuts auditor arrested. I couldn't think of a cruller fate  (upi.com) (44)


Mon April 23, 2012
(Some Guy) Dumbass Getting drunk and crashing into a police Blood Alcohol Testing Van and clipping two patrol cars is no way to drum up business, Miss hospital spokeswoman  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (27)
(Washington Post) Cool Former Redskins VP Vinny Cerrato agrees to let fans dunk him in a dunk tank. Electric eels and hair dryers not included  (washingtonpost.com) (9)


Sun April 22, 2012
(BBC) Cool Arsenal/Chelsea highlight a week that also includes Liverpool/West Brom, Newcastle/Stoke, and United/Everton. It's your weekly EPL thread, where if you aren't already drunk, you aren't trying hard enough  (bbc.co.uk) (377)


Fri April 20, 2012
(Daily Mail) Cool Fark ready headline of the day (and future motion picture): "Friends 'broke into zoo, stripped to their underwear to swim with dolphins before stealing a penguin' on drunken night out"  (dailymail.co.uk) (50)
(Some Guy) Fail Why is it all tourist videos show the chunky guy in shorts going for a dip instead of the hot babe in a bikini? And, oh yeah, accidental UFOs  (news.gather.com) (110)
(Daily Mail) Scary Men warned of danger of using hair-removal gels on their junk: "You may wake up one morning with an extremely high voice and notice you have no more testicles and officially classed as a eunuch"  (dailymail.co.uk) (118)


Thu April 19, 2012
(Humans Invent) Cool Situated in sleepy Kent, protected from nuclear attack and built miles underground lies The Bunker...step inside Europe's most secure data centre  (humansinvent.com) (17)


Tue April 17, 2012
(Some Guy) Scary Hundreds of Michigan residents score "Super Drunk" in new game sponsored by police. Former Miss USA's 0.20 is barely enough to qualify, with top scores in the 0.33 to 0.43 range  (policeone.com) (72)
(EITB) Cool The world braces for more clasico fever, the greatest soccer match ever..Real Madrid and Barcelona's titanic duel to be crowned kings of Spain, a potential decider for the championship and a new duel between Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo  (eitb.com) (118)


Mon April 16, 2012
(SlashFilm) Spiffy "5-25-77", a film about how the release of the original Star Wars movie shapes a young man's Hollywood dreams is set for release after lingering "like a piece of space junk released from a Star Destroyer"  (slashfilm.com) (24)


Thu April 12, 2012
(Entertainment Weekly) Interesting Ten infamous showbiz urban legends debunked  (ew.com) (74)
(YouTube) Dumbass One model rocket. One drunk guy. FIGHT  (youtube.com) (54)


Wed April 11, 2012
(Record Searchlight) Obvious "He wasn't shot, but he was very drunk"  (redding.com) (12)
(NewsOK) Stupid Twin strippers get drunk, take baseball bat and use it improperly just after opening day. Aristocrats? Yes, with pics  (newsok.com) (94)
(Some Guy) Ironic Drunk driver crashes into beer truck  (fox11online.com) (34)


Tue April 10, 2012
(Minneapolis Business Journal) Dumbass "I even made him send a picture of himself with his junk stuck in a jar of mayonnaise to show he was serious" the attorney probably said  (bizjournals.com) (88)
(ESPN) Dumbass CIO for company that specializes in giving drunk drivers a ride home gets arrested for...wait for it...yeah, you guessed it. Sports tag because he's a former All-Pro NFL fullback who's probably played for your team  (espn.go.com) (18)


Mon April 09, 2012
(WTSP) Strange You know times are tough when drunks are beating up cripples and stealing their Playboys  (wtsp.com) (23)
(The Register) Scary Reports of rabid skunks on the rise. I smell trouble  (theregister.co.uk) (48)


Sun April 08, 2012
(AZCentral) Dumbass Risk assessment officer charged with driving county vehicle while drunk and in possession of marijuana and cocaine. No one said he was a good risk assessment officer  (azcentral.com) (30)
(Deadspin) Fail "JaVale McGee in 60 seconds goaltends, misses a dunk, falls down and has a shot blocked into his face" (w/video)  (deadspin.com) (19)


Fri April 06, 2012
(Daily Mail) Interesting Worried about your drunken blackouts when you can't remember what happened? Not to worry, it was just the alcohol switching off your brain's memory function  (dailymail.co.uk) (38)


Thu April 05, 2012
(Some Guy) Interesting You thought I was crazy to build an anti-Russia bunker. You thought I was crazy to prepare to fight zombies. Well, who's crazy now?  (heraldsun.com.au) (42)
(Discover) Silly Remember when people used to just go to a bar to get drunk?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (14)


Wed April 04, 2012
(SeattlePI) Obvious "We arrived to find intoxicated men putting their clothes back on, and realizing that the best decisions aren't made while drunk and at a car wash without a car in the middle of the night"  (blog.seattlepi.com) (37)
(Tri State Homepage) Dumbass "Noble Gray II" - is it (A) the lost archduke of Lancaster, (B) the fifth largest shipwreck since the Titanic, or (C) a drunk half naked man arrested while trying to get a "dog to lick his backside"  (tristatehomepage.com) (9)
(Some Guy) Interesting Drunk wedding guest refuses to stop slow dancing with the groom. And things just go downhill from there  (morningjournal.com) (56)


Tue April 03, 2012
(CNBC) Interesting The Fed remains sober on the economy, sees no need to get drunk on more stimulus  (cnbc.com) (9)
(Globe and Mail) Dumbass Mike Milbury thinks Sidney Crosby is a punk kid, Dan Bylsma wears a skirt, trading Chara for Yashin is a good deal  (theglobeandmail.com) (170)
(Onion AV Club) Fail Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to write a tell-all book about the making of "Animal House," son  (avclub.com) (17)


Mon April 02, 2012
(The New York Times) Sad Harry Crews, who wrote about a man eating a 1971 Ford Maverick, has passed. RIP to an ex-Marine, ex-boxer, ex-bouncer, ex-barker, and ex-drunk whose work AND life were "freakish drama, deep tragedy and the blackest of black comedy"  (nytimes.com) (34)
(ESPN) Unlikely 109-1 longshot horse wins $1 million Louisiana Derby. With bonus quotes from drunk Russian owner  (sports.espn.go.com) (15)


Sun April 01, 2012
(Boomstick Comics) Cool Netflix picks up Firefly for two more seasons. Browncoats unite  (boomstickcomics.com) (206)
(Bleacher Report) Interesting Will Big Bossman's ghost help Jericho drag CM Punk's daddy's coffin away? How many hours will Undertaker's intro take? Can Sheamus become World Heavyweight Fella? Will Brock Lesnar appear? It's Wrestlemania 28, 7 PM on PPV  (bleacherreport.com) (5851)


Sat March 31, 2012
(YouTube) Sick I'll see your James Justice dunk and raise you "Lester Earl in the 1996 McDonald's High School All-American Dunk Contest"  (youtube.com) (23)
(Yahoo) Obvious Ladies and gentlemen, it's official. The drunker you are, the prettier you become - to yourself. This would explain why most Farkers "feel sexier, smarter and funnier, even when others privately think you are a turkey"  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (44)
(Statesman) Amusing Lick... no, pump... punk... PUB. Lick laws. Public. Intosh, intop, intof... drunk laws. They're too fuc... whoops. Fum (hee hee) fuzzy. Crickets say. What? Critics. CRITICS. That's what they say  (statesman.com) (33)
(Deadspin) Spiffy 5'9" James Justice shuts down NCAA dunk contest with raw power, absurd vertical leaping ability  (deadspin.com) (29)
(msnbc) Interesting Study says that Facebook is fostering desires for users to be thin, drunk, naked   (todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com) (33)


Thu March 29, 2012
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Meet the drunken Canadian man who is responsible for the greatest a capella version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" ever recorded in the back of a police cruiser  (thesmokinggun.com) (92)
(Slate) Obvious "A drunkard in the gutter is just where he ought to be"  (slate.com) (113)
(SFGate) Spiffy Amazon CEO wants to raise sunken Apollo 11 engines from Atlantic Ocean sound stage  (sfgate.com) (30)
(LiveLeak) Amusing Best cover of Bohemian Rhapsody you'll see today, compliments of some drunk in the back seat of a cop car. Bonus: He actually knows all of the lyrics  (liveleak.com) (59)


Tue March 27, 2012
(Statesman) Strange Those mock drunk driving accidents staged at high schools during prom season are powerful in their own right. Adding real human blood isn't necessary  (statesman.com) (66)
(TVLine) Obvious Lindsay Lohan will be playing a washed up, drunken drug-addicted sex addict coke fiend on an upcoming episode of "Glee"  (tvline.com) (98)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Strange Derick A. Thoene, 28, walked into Iowa City hall at 11:37 a.m. Thoene allegedly approached the lobby receptionist and said, 'I have your parking attendant in the trunk of my car, do you want him dead or alive?'  (press-citizen.com) (42)


Mon March 26, 2012
(Bleacher Report) Interesting With Wrestlemania only six days away, WWE Raw is sure to have big surprises, like Undertaker and Triple H talking for 30 minutes, Rock and Cena talking for 30 minutes, and Jericho revealing CM Punk's brother is Patrick Tribett. 8 PM on USA  (bleacherreport.com) (lots)
(Science Daily) Ironic Popular "Junk" food contains more antioxidants than fruit, vegetables. Grab some popcorn, it's gonna be a knock-em-down, drag-em out fight  (sciencedaily.com) (171)
(Smh.com.au) Dumbass Naked drunk driver rolls 4WD, loses saving throw against police  (smh.com.au) (34)
(Mirror.co.uk) Unlikely Can Britain call time on 1,000 years of boozing? As far back as 1362, the Archbishop of Canterbury said: "The tavern is worshipped rather than the church, gluttony and drunkenness is more abundant than tears and prayers"  (mirror.co.uk) (69)


Sun March 25, 2012
(ESPN) Dumbass Bobby Jenks to Red Sox: "I'm really sorry I got caught fleeing a strip club while drunk at 3:43 am. We're still good, right?"  (espn.go.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Cool As the NASCAR boys out in California nervously watch for rain, Indycar kicks off a new season with the funky looking DW12 on the streets of St. Pete. Coverage starts at 12:30 PM ET on ABC  (indiana.sbnation.com) (160)


Sat March 24, 2012
(AM New York) Interesting Members of congress want to switch from election day to election weekend, with polls being open continuously from 10 a.m. Saturday to 6 p.m. Sunday. Allowing all the drunks to hit the polls on the way home from the bars... genius idea  (amny.com) (145)
(Examiner) Spiffy Facebook is now allowing high resolution photos on the site. Identity of the drunk and naked people in your photos should now become a lot clearer  (examiner.com) (7)


Fri March 23, 2012
(LA Times) Scary Joshua Tree employees stricken by unknown illness. Hazmat teams conduct search for cause, but they still haven't found what they're looking for  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (77)


Thu March 22, 2012
(Buzzfeed) Amusing Doctor Who Crochet. Ood a thunk it, a cuddly Dalek?  (buzzfeed.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Asinine Man busted for getting his little dog drunk more than four times the legal limit. Your dog wants a designated driver  (billingsgazette.com) (24)
(WPTV) Florida Trying to get your wife drunk because she won't leave you alone and then calling 911 so you can go on Facebook is apparently frowned upon by authorities  (wptv.com) (15)
(athens banner herald) Strange Homeless woman banned from the public transit system for A) Foul smell B) Drunken yelling C) Eating crab legs at the bus stop...repeatedly  (onlineathens.com) (55)


Wed March 21, 2012
(Mercury News) Amusing Serious oenophiles pissed that the younger crowd wants to drink their wine to get drunk  (mercurynews.com) (79)
(YouTube) Amusing Oh, to tread the hallowed halls of academia, to continue the ancient tradition of Universitas, to get wild-ass drunk and smash an Oldsmobile  (youtube.com) (29)
(Deadspin) Spiffy Baylor's Brittney Griner becomes the second woman to ever dunk In a NCAA tournament game (w/video)  (deadspin.com) (74)
(Daily Kos) Asinine Son of former House of Representatives gets 14 year old drunk, rapes her, has a friend video tape the event, drops her off in the lawn, and walks away with a midemeanor charge two months later. For some reason people have a problem with this  (dailykos.com) (183)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Florida: Where if the gators, pythons, rabid otters, lionfish, chupacabras, skunk ape, or citizen crime watchers don't get you, the feral monkeys will  (mysuncoast.com) (44)


Tue March 20, 2012
(Montreal Gazette) Stupid Ex-singer of meandering, pompous, sterile-sounding prog rock band Emerson, Lake & Palmer claims punk rock was just a "fashion movement" with "No real music there"  (montrealgazette.com) (263)
(The Daily Beast) Followup "I'm not homophobic, some of my best friends used to be gay before coming to their senses. Hey, would you like a chunk of my birthday sandwich?"  (thedailybeast.com) (274)


Mon March 19, 2012
(Bleacher Report) Interesting Tonight on a Very Special Episode of WWE Monday Night Raw, CM Punk will finally sort out his feelings about his alcoholic father, but not until after Chris Jericho drags poor Francis Punk's coffin away behind the Bluesmobile. 9 PM on USA  (bleacherreport.com) (¾)
(Click Orlando) Florida Karaoke singer gets drunk, strips, knocks out manager after customers complain. Or, as we call it in Florida, a night at Applebee's  (clickorlando.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Weird Drunk robber with no pants throws vice grips at homeowners. Then it gets weird  (wmur.com) (18)


Sun March 18, 2012
(BBC) Unlikely If you're not too drunk to type yet, here's this weekend's EPL and FA Cup Quarterfinals thread  (bbc.co.uk) (154)


Sat March 17, 2012
(Some Guy) Sick News: Man arrested for getting a minor drunk. Fark: The minor was a one year old. Total Fark: With a BAC of more than .2  (kltv.com) (68)


Fri March 16, 2012
(Discover) Cool The Sun swallows a comet whole. I'll be in my bunk(er)  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (19)
(Quad City Times) Silly Drunk-o-meter shirt offends Irish newspaper columnist, who sobered up enough to write an angry column about stereotypes  (qctimes.com) (146)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Floridians afraid that Movies like "Project X" are making kids want to party, get drunk, do drugs, and break things. "They never would have came up with that idea themselves"  (sun-sentinel.com) (65)
(Oregon Live) Ironic Among the more embarrassing things to crash into while driving drunk - a rehab center. Ironic tag edges out Dumbass  (oregonlive.com) (26)


Wed March 14, 2012
(Huffington Post) Sad HBO sends Luck to the glue factory after third horse death  (huffingtonpost.com) (112)
(Some Guy) Cool Back in 1994, unknown film director gives unknown talk show host a great interview and preview of his unknown movie  (slyoyster.com) (145)
(Yahoo) Asinine My client wasn't drunk, your honor, when he ran a stop sign and hit the other vehicle, but his Bentley apparently was  (gma.yahoo.com) (80)
(WRCB-TV) Strange Pooty-poot plonks praying punk rockers into the pokey  (wrcbtv.com) (69)
(CTV) Weird Finding potholes? There's an app for th-*ka-chunk* Goddamnit  (montreal.ctv.ca) (7)


Tue March 13, 2012
(Metro) Amusing Man claims to see face of sci-fi alien ET in tree trunk  (metro.co.uk) (55)
(News 13) Florida Man celebrating birthday gets drunk, flees police, is subsequently beaten with a baton, pepper sprayed in the face and tasered. Or as they call it in Florida, "hitting for the cycle"  (cfnews13.com) (19)


Mon March 12, 2012
(Telegram) Dumbass Bad: Getting your 16-year-old son drunk. Worse: Taking it upon yourself to give him a tattoo. FARK: Misspelling the word "Juggalo" on said tattoo  (telegram.com) (214)
(NJ.com) Amusing Drunken Amish crashes buggy into police car. It gets weirder, "Police say several other buggies fled the scene"  (nj.com) (55)
(Yahoo) Cool Fark NCAA Pick'em Pool - May the drunkest participant win   (tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com) (97)


Sun March 11, 2012
(Deadspin) Cool Gerald Green's powerhouse dunk against the Rockets brings back memories of his '07 Slam Dunk victory over Dwight Howard (w/video)  (deadspin.com) (17)


Sat March 10, 2012
(Houston Chronicle) Strange World's most courteous drunk driver stops to let passenger out during police chase, then promptly dies after driving into pillar  (chron.com) (28)


Fri March 09, 2012
(Washington Post) Spiffy 'That's Uncle Dave': Family spots unknown Civil War soldier in an ad  (washingtonpost.com) (16)
(Reuters) Followup Israel to US "I can haz Bunker-Buster?"  (reuters.com) (257)


Thu March 08, 2012
(Hollyscoop) Stupid Chunky reality TV star finds out she's pregnant during all-day drinking binge. Difficulty - not Snooki  (hollyscoop.com) (17)
(WPTV) Florida Being drunk in a Wendy's drive through and telling the workers that you just saved them from being robbed by three imaginary people will not get you a free burger. It does, however, get you a free jail cell  (wptv.com) (25)


Wed March 07, 2012
(Some Guy) PSA Kids: You need to MAINTAIN at the party. If you pass out, your drunken friends will carry you to the car and kill you on the way home. Actually, they'll kill you and themselves, along with some other random drunk guy. This story is a mess  (hometownannapolis.com) (103)
(SanDiegoUnionTribune) Dumbass Robbing churches while running around in a tutu and tights with your junk hanging out is no way to go through life, son  (utsandiego.com) (29)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Drunk and beating the crap out of a cockatoo in public is no way to spend your golden years  (palmbeachpost.com) (24)


Tue March 06, 2012
(Washington Post) Interesting What shall we do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning? Test his breath with a breathalyzer, test his breath with a breathalyzer, test his breath with a breathalyzer... when he reports on board for duty and at other, random intervals  (washingtonpost.com) (69)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Cool Someone at Fox invented a time machine and warned their past selves how shiatty Terra Nova was  (hollywoodreporter.com) (113)


Mon March 05, 2012
(TBO) Dumbass Drunken soldier takes a long walk off a short dock  (www2.tbo.com) (19)


Thu March 01, 2012
(Omaha World Herald) Dumbass Are you drunk and have a probation appointment tomorrow? Do you have friends that will stab you on command? Problem solved  (omaha.com) (15)
(WFTV) Florida Two women looking for junk in the trunk find instead a big snake staring at them  (wftv.com) (14)


Wed February 29, 2012
(Great Falls Tribune) Dumbass It's not a good idea to send an e-mail implying Barack Obama's mother was so drunk she could've had sex with a dog the night she conceived him. Especially if you're a US district court judge sending it from chambers  (greatfallstribune.com) (111)
(Deadspin) Video All 91 of Blake Griffin's dunks so far this season, edited together  (deadspin.com) (37)


Tue February 28, 2012
(CBC) Amusing When Punking™ a Federal Election®, registering the cell phone to a "Pierre Poutine" of Separatist Street, Joliette, Que., is the coup de grace  (cbc.ca) (41)


Mon February 27, 2012
(My Fox DC) Interesting "He just sunk his boat in my harbor, but honestly, we did not have sex"  (myfoxdc.com) (42)


Sat February 25, 2012
(Nola.com) Hero Bad: Drunk jerk at Mardi Gras parade harasses autistic girl, sends her home in tears. Good: Girl's story goes viral, leading to massive outpouring of support. Fark: New Orleans restages Mardi Gras just for her  (nola.com) (154)


Fri February 24, 2012
(Google) Florida If you make the most valuable sunken treasure discovery in history, don't tell Spain  (google.com) (103)
(New York Daily News) Fail You're not going to believe this but Paris Hilton's new single "Drunk Text" and the accompanying video may possibly be the worst thing in the entire history of ever (w/video)  (nydailynews.com) (119)
(AL.com) Scary Lots of first-graders play doctor with their classmates. But most don't do it by sticking them with a syringe full of an unknown liquid  (blog.al.com) (26)
(Politico) Spiffy Mitt Romney is the "Gotcha" candidate; he's playing the political version of Punk'd with Santorum, Gingrich, and the old guy with the big ears that's still in the race for some odd reason  (politico.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Stupid Why don't you little punks get off my lawn and tune your Walkmans to hear what you apparently call "filthy dubstep"  (boxtu.com) (59)
(BBC) Sick Asinine: Councillor celebrated his re-election by sexually assaulting a schoolgirl at a drunken party. Classy: Blames his sons and their friends for child porn on his PC. Bonus: Was Chairman of Child Welfare Committee  (bbc.co.uk) (22)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Your buddy just died. To cope with the loss, do you: C) get drunk and break into the crematorium to steal his body?  (nbcdfw.com) (34)
(The Chattanoogan) Sad Remember when you were little and you'd wake your drunken mother to take you to school and she'd hurl a glass and hit you on the head and you'd bleed everywhere and she'd get arrested? Those were the days  (chattanoogan.com) (54)


Thu February 23, 2012
(Politico) Interesting Huntsman: "...when you have 100 percent debt to GDP, you're sunk, the next generation is completely screwed, let's put it that way"  (politico.com) (262)
(Democrat and Chronicle) Obvious A train is not like a woman. If you're thrown out for being a drunk, it will not listen to your pleas. It will leave you. And if you try to cling to it as it does, it will kill you. Let it go. It's gone  (democratandchronicle.com) (34)
(WTOP) Hero Maryland lawmaker proposes that drunk driving asshats be mandated to participate in the ignition interlock program, even on a first offense, if their DUI happens while there are children in the car  (wtop.com) (86)


Wed February 22, 2012
(Some Guy) Silly Tired of being the butt of jokes, Ice-T's wife Coco gets an ultrasound to prove the junk in her trunk is real. Oh the Hugh-Jassity  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (75)
(MSNBC) Obvious India's $35 tablet computer program in trouble due to slow speed, short battery life and a clunky touch screen, but at least tech support is only a local phone call away  (msnbc.msn.com) (13)
(St. Petersburg Times) Asinine Actor sneaked cocaine into the White House Correspondent's Dinner, so Obama's a junkie and Sarah Palin is automatically president. Fark: Source is not Fox News  (tampabay.com) (35)


Tue February 21, 2012
(WPTV) Florida Protip: When kidnapping teens, make sure to take away their cellphones so they don't text for help from inside your trunk  (wptv.com) (204)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Drunk switches seats with friends after being pulled over. Friend also drunk. Both arrested for DUI. Some days it's easy to be a cop  (fremonttribune.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Interesting Denver police have issued their first "Medina" alert and are asking people to be on the lookout for man described as "funky, cold"  (y100.com) (57)


Mon February 20, 2012
(CNBC) Silly Smith Barney is a bunch of biatches. You gotta know how to jack this shiat. You gotta play this game rough. In. Out. Get. Grab. Bunk. You need to diversify your bonds, n***a  (cnbc.com) (11)
(LiveLeak) Scary Farmer pinned down and brutalized as some punk kids jump mercilessly on his back  (liveleak.com) (32)


Sun February 19, 2012
(SLO Tribune) Sad Man on cliff falls trying to save cat on cliff. Investigators say "alcohol was a factor" but do not indicate if it was the man, cat, or both who were drunk  (sanluisobispo.com) (35)


Sat February 18, 2012
(The New York Times) Silly Two years later, drunken joke in a bar is the fastest-growing Mardi Gras krewe in New Orleans. Witness the power of the Intergalactic Krewe of Chewbacchus  (nytimes.com) (90)
(Yahoo) Video Hampton's Derrion Pellum passes a dunk... to himself. With video goodness  (sports.yahoo.com) (18)


Fri February 17, 2012
(Some Guy) Amusing Problem: Your towns St Patrick's day parade has been turned into a drunkfest. Solution: Cancel the parade. Result: Internet organizes a bar crawl with 13,000 people attending  (hudsonreporter.com) (120)
(Washington Post) Stupid NBA Slam Dunk contest voting left entirely up to fans. Blake Griffin debating whether to phone it in or worry about wearing a Jeremy Lin mask to guarantee the win  (washingtonpost.com) (37)


Thu February 16, 2012
(Washington Times) Asinine Owning a handgun for self-protection in the home is a right, like free speech. Let's check in with Washington D.C. to see if the Heller ruling has sunk in yet. And no, this is not a transcript of a deleted scene from 'Brazil'  (washingtontimes.com) (278)
(Talking Points Memo) Amusing Gramer Nazi sues government for conspiring against him in the slam-dunkiest case of backwards correct syntaxing modification fraud you'll ever see   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (81)
(US News) Sad One in ten US kids is being raised by a drunk. This is great news for police, social workers, and anybody else whose job security depends on an endless supply of idiots with active reproductive systems. Not so great for kids, though  (health.usnews.com) (173)
(National Post) Weird Typical weekday in Saanich: Drunken man crashes truck, but continues to drive with a broken axle and just 3 wheels for several blocks before stopping to break into a house to play the piano and skateboard  (news.nationalpost.com) (52)
(Daily Mail) Strange Another face seen in a tree trunk. No it's not Jeebus or the Virgin Mary. Hint: Phone home  (dailymail.co.uk) (24)


Mon February 13, 2012
(NBC 10) Scary Baby shower ends with three people stabbed after a drunken argument between relatives of mom-to-be and her baby daddy. Good luck, kid  (www2.turnto10.com) (67)
(Fark) Fail Someone broke into my garage last and went through some boxes, but didn't take end up taking anything. Well fine, I think your stuff is crap too, pal. What junk do you keep in your garage?  (fark.com) (163)


Sun February 12, 2012
(Gizmodo) Cool Let's drink the ancient berserker crunk juice of kings and dash off to Valhalla  (gizmodo.com) (77)
(The New York Times) Cool We are rapidly approaching the 40th anniversary of the greatest kiss in television history. "Well, what the hell. He said it was in his contract"  (nytimes.com) (84)


Sat February 11, 2012
(Gacksports) Interesting Gacksports notices some interesting points about FARK's slam dunk headline  (gacksports.com) (0)
(YouTube) Spiffy Vintage Raquel Welch doing her Space-Girl Dance. I'll be in my bunk  (youtube.com) (29)


Fri February 10, 2012
(YouTube) Asinine High school basketball team up 40-5 shows real class with last second full court pass and dunk  (youtube.com) (60)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious Crew filming documentary named "Dumb, Drunk and Racist" find what they are looking for with not so hilarious results  (abc.net.au) (30)


Thu February 09, 2012
(YouTube) Dumbass Interrupting mealtime? That's a trunksmackin'  (youtube.com) (26)


Wed February 08, 2012
(Reading Eagle) Dumbass Woman arrested two consecutive mornings by the same cop for drunk driving. "This can't happen again" she yelled at the cop as it was.... happening again  (readingeagle.com) (64)
(HitFix) Cool Denzel Washington headed for more action in '2 Guns' opposite Mark Wahlberg. Chances of a He Got Game sequel featuring the Funky Bunch remain remote  (hitfix.com) (41)
(WXYZ Detroit) Scary Old & busted: drunk driving. New hotness: SUPER DRUNK DRIVING  (wxyz.com) (98)


Tue February 07, 2012
(Telegraph) Stupid Feds win another battle in the war on file sharing as BTJunkie voluntarily shuts down  (telegraph.co.uk) (125)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Family of jogger killed by drunk driver circulate petition to ban drinking on beach, reenact 18th Amendment  (mysuncoast.com) (61)


Mon February 06, 2012
(Daily Mail) Dumbass "We always get drunk together," says a) a college student about his best friend, b) a bride-to-be about her maid of honor, or c) a mother about her 11-year-old son?  (dailymail.co.uk) (47)


Sat February 04, 2012
(Reuters) Unlikely Imagine the airport of the future: There are self-service bag drops, but no check-in desks. Your passage is seamless, punctuated only by periodic fondling of your junk by eager TSA staffers  (reuters.com) (42)


Fri February 03, 2012
(Reuters) PSA The first round of the Drunk of the Year contest will be getting underway this weekend in Wisconsin  (reuters.com) (35)
(WPTV) Florida Drunk woman tells officer she cannot take DUI test because "of these big boobies" ...it almost worked until she started to dance (with mugshot goodness)  (wptv.com) (38)


Thu February 02, 2012
(MSNBC) Interesting Researchers say scratching feels better on certain parts of your body. Sounds like junk science to me  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com) (12)


Wed February 01, 2012
(Duluth News Tribune) Dumbass Man crashes the boards at hockey rink. While drunk. While driving the Zamboni. Surprisingly, this story does not take place in Canada  (duluthnewstribune.com) (22)
(E! Online) Dumbass After a rough night at Quark's, Captain Sisko beamed to jail for taking the helm of the Defiant while drunk  (eonline.com) (59)
(news junkie post) Spiffy News Junkie Post: "Social news sites like FARK are places to post and discuss the latest headlines. They are the primary focal point for activism". (2nd section)  (newsjunkiepost.com) (0)


Tue January 31, 2012
(YouTube) Video The Dunk Of The Year contest is over  (youtube.com) (169)


Mon January 30, 2012
(Kitsap Sun) Dumbass Drunk 21 year old enters wrong apartment, climbs into bed with 80 year old woman. He told police nothing happened, at least nothing he wanted to admit  (kitsapsun.com) (35)


Sun January 29, 2012
(The Smoking Gun) Silly This week's Mugshot Roundup features some retarded tattoos, a bunch of drunks, plenty of mustache wax, and someone who keeps a disorderly house  (thesmokinggun.com) (108)

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