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100 headlines found matching 'United Press International'
Sat July 22, 2017
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(UPI)
 
 
 
♫Well, I was drunk the day my grandgirl needed a ride. And I went to pick her up in the rain. But before we could get to the park in my pickup truck. A monkey jumped in and ate our brains.♫
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
The solution is obvious: Never eat fresh fruit, as it's obviously trying to kill you
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue July 18, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Republicans shutting down Federal agency that ensures election security
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun July 16, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
A year after the failed coup in Turkey, government celebrates anniversary by firing 7,400 police, soldiers and other public servants. Yeah, that should make things much better
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Fri July 14, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Get along, little doggie
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu July 13, 2017
(Atlas Obscura)
 
 
 
I suppose this explains why I never got the Beelzebubble-Bath I ordered back in 1983
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Wed July 12, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
"But Mom said it was okay"
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
"'C' is for cocaine. That's good enough for me"
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Commercial brain training doesn't improve decision making or cognitive function. It just makes you buy more stuff
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue July 11, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Nope tries to board boat. Paddle faster
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Will you be the first on your block to buy the new pink pineapples?
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun July 09, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
The insanity is over: The functioning alarm clock which has been in a wall for 13 years has finally been removed
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu July 06, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Don't make macaque angry, You wouldn't like it when it's angry
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
President Shrub turns 71 today...and as much as it pains subby to admit it, we do miss him now
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Protip to all ICE agents: make sure the "undocumented immigrant" you're detaining is not actually a U.S. citizen. Especially since U.S. citizens are the lawsuit-happiest people on earth
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Wed July 05, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
What's his Fark handle?
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue July 04, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
My elevator is full of eels
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri June 30, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
"That's some fine police work there, Lou"
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Wed June 28, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
The most Australian video you'll see today
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue June 27, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Fark-ready headline: Turtle trying to steal bread from fish foiled by unexpected rat
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon June 26, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Rhode Island once again tries to win the coveted title of "The Florida Of The North"
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun June 25, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
"North Koreans invade South Korea." Well, okay, this is a slightly old headline. Like 67 years old. But it might not be a bad idea to keep it handy just in case
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Pittsburgh deli posts sign telling customers not to discuss mathematics while waiting in line
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed June 21, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Study finds farmers are at higher risk for suicide than other occupations - which is odd, considering how many of them are out standing in their field
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Mon June 19, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis say at the last minute they changed their son's name from Walt to Dimitri. Apparently they felt Walt would make their son feel too normal with parents named Ashton and Mila
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun June 18, 2017
(Boston Globe)
 
 
 
Former UPI reporter who covered woman's murder as his first story wants to look at records to see if he can solve cold case. DA: No, because we need more time to look into it. We've only had 48 years
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Man facing charges after taking lion for pickup truck ride, giving him a lift to the zoo
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue June 13, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Company announces plans to launch KFC sandwich into space where it can do the least amount of harm
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon June 12, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Researchers discover washing your hands actually cleanses your brain of old ideas - as well as removing crusty residue
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(UPI)
 
 
 
"See you later, alligator." "You're a pain, crane"
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun June 11, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Of all the things that have gone wrong with the F-35, you can now add "trying to kill the pilots" to the list. Because who knew oxygen was important?
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Is the fifth time the charm?
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat June 10, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Beaver nearly ruins wedding by chomping pole in half
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Fri June 09, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Australian man planks next to massive, endangered python in the road. To be fair, that's still probably better than letting Steve Irwin stick his finger up its butt as would have happened in the past
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Putting a couch in your car doesn't necessarily make it more comfortable
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu June 08, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Bulldog fond of watching horror movies tries to warn the on-screen characters of danger
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed June 07, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Annoying man hits single piano key 824 times in one minute to irritate neighbors, set world record
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu June 01, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
New study finds doctors are clueless about the cost of ER treatments. Although most guess that it falls somewhere between Mercedes Benz and beach condo
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Wed May 31, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
"Guess what day it is. C'mon, guess what day it is. Anyone? HUMP DAAAAY"
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri May 26, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Man seeking to give his girlfriend a romantic "flower" chooses a bundle of kale instead. Bonus: Girlfriend doesn't know what it is either
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Thu May 25, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Astronomers see collapsing star turn into black hole
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Woman finds sleeping opossums in her drawers. How they got in her drawers, she'll never know
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat May 20, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Kung Fu master has the balls to try and pull an entire bus
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Fri May 19, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
And in the pages of the history books, it will be written that the great American experiment ended not with a bang but with a...hey, did Kim Kardashian just post another photo to Instagram? Awesome. Um...what were we saying?
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Thu May 18, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
I'll see your ceiling cat and raise you with floorboard feline
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Wed May 17, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
"Hey Brant, what did you do for your Mom on Mother's Day?" "Not too much, but I did shoot the gum out of her mouth with a Nerf gun..." Greetings from North Carolina
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun May 14, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Things could be worse ... you could have a public relations job at United
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Space Daily)
 
 
 
"Ginormous fondue pot, bubbling over with piping hot awesomesauce." Who said that? Was it a) a ten-year-old getting a new gaming console, b) a millennial talking about their new favorite band, or c) a spacewalking astronaut on the ISS?
source: spacedaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Woman woken by sound of her car horn honking, surprised to discover 200-pound black bear inside. Officer recommends to "always lock your car doors", bears repeating
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Thu May 11, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
O'Duh
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Enterance caught sayof
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
50-year-old man has surgeons remove two ballpoint pens he swallowed when he was 14
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
The orbital periods of TRAPPIST-1 planets form ratios of whole numbers, which keep them from colliding. Scientists turned that resonant chain into music
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon May 08, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Scientists say Earth started 4.4 billion years ago as a barren water world, starring Kevin Costner and Dennis Hopper
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun May 07, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Over 50,000 Germans remain displaced after British bombing missions. In fact, this is a repeat from 1944 ... only with less "big splosions here" action (we hope)
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Woman asks airline to refund her $15 bag charge after they lose her luggage. Airline refuses. Yep, that's a lawsuit ... and a federal appeals court just said it was okay to go to trial
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Austria's Green Party teaches women how to urinate standing up; your party teaches squat
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Wed May 03, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Six pack? Pfft. Twelve pack? Meh. Twenty four pack? *yawn* Okay, what about a 1,000 pack? NOW YOU'RE TALKING
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Mon May 01, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
131,000 pounds of chicken patties sold at Costco recalled for plastic contamination. The good news is that 131,000 pounds of chicken at Costo means only three boxes
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(UPI)
 
 
 
NNow yyou ttoo ccan hhave wwell-ddressed ttherapy llamas aat yyour wwedding
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Oh sure, but when I do it, they call the cops
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Thu April 27, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
"The cat was given a verbal warning for posing with what could be mistaken as an assault rifle while wearing poor camouflage attire," police said
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Don't you hate when you get cash from an ATM and one of the bills is fake movie money?
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue April 25, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Today's fun with math question: How much will a $15 bucket of fried chicken cost in Australia after you run a red light?
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(UPI)
 
 
 
"Hey, honey, what say we take the boat out for a drag?"
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Sun April 23, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Sears continues to cut costs. services at Kmart while last remaining customers are searching for the light switch to the few remaining stores
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Sat April 22, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
United Airlines parent company announces publicly that United's CEO will not be given the role of company chairman as had been planned. Then again, he will also not be dragged kicking, screaming, and bloody from his current position as CEO
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Fri April 21, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Apparently there's a world record for the largest usable pool cue
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Wed April 19, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Traffic unable to tear along the dotted lions
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Tue April 18, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Not News: MLB player has a DUI hearing. Newsy: His third DUI. Fark: In Seoul, ROK
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Look out drug-sniffing police dogs, Arizona has just sworn in their first drug-sniffing lizard
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Sun April 16, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Texas supreme court denies request from the douchenozzle of the decade to be released from prison
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Kansas woman tweets her love of Dr. Pepper, so the company surprises her with an outdoor Dr. Pepper soda fountain. In hopefully related news, subby would like to publicly express his love of Maker's Mark, truly the best bourbon in the world
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Japan facing massive potato chip shortage. Shoppers say it's getting down to crunch time
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Oh Japan ... the weird news gift that just keeps on giving
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Sat April 15, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Army plans to bring "Rat Patrol" back
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Good news: Consumer prices are dropping. Bad news: Consumer prices are dropping
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri April 14, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Members of Best Korea's second army corps arrested for mocking Kim Jong Un after referring to him as a kindergartner and mentally ill. This will not end well
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Thu April 13, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
TV station livestreams loop of 'Simpsons' scene for four hours - intentionally
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Wed April 12, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Sometimes the Gideons leave more than bibles in hotel drawers
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Tue April 11, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Meteorologists: "The California drought between 2011 and 2015 was the worst since 1571, and the odds of its recovery in only two years was effectively zero percent. Go figure. Here's Fred with sports"
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Sun April 09, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Ostrich and camel team up to pull the old 'distract and snatch'
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Who steals a cellphone tower?
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat April 08, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Gov't: "On second thought, maybe we don't need to know this information after all." Twitter: "Yeah, that's what we thought. Now go run along and play with your toys like a good boy"
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Without even playing a note, musician kicked off flight because his cello was considered a 'safety risk'
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Late Pleistocene dentistry was about as primitive as you'd expect
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri April 07, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Zoo makes extra cash by charging guests $145 for the privilege of cleaning up polar bear poop. Do they at least get to keep it?
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Scientists have discovered that bees have great eyesight. Well duh. When was the last time you saw a bee wearing glasses?
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(UPI)
 
 
 
A zipper-obsessed horse would be perfect for handling horse flies
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu April 06, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
How about a nice cool glass of insecticide? er,......I mean tap water
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Sat April 01, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Crazed stalker tells reporters he was "put on this planet to be with Sofia Vergara." Oh wait, it was Joe Manganiello. Not that anyone can really tell the difference
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Ellen Pompeo says she'll end "Grey's Anatomy" when she's damn good and ready and not one moment earlier. Meanwhile, the rest of America is surprised to learn "Grey's Anatomy" is still on the air. Who knew?
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Fri March 31, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
If you ever said to yourself, "Self, I wish someone would have the decency, courage, and creativity to finally create a statue of pregnant Beyonce made out of brie cheese, and call it 'Brie-Once'," then today's your lucky day
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Thu March 30, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Curt Schilling's big fat mouth strikes again: "Thank God we got Trump in office. If we would have had that skank [Hillary Clinton], [expletive] we'd already be in World War III"
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Wed March 29, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
A bust of Vin Diesel made of ham? How appropriate
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Tue March 28, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
I have no idea what you are talking about so here is a man walking a kangaroo down a Detroit street
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Sun March 26, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Well that does it, I'm never shopping at Amazon again
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(UPI)
 
 
 
Joe Biden regrets not running for president. "I could have won"
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat March 25, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Behold this fully armed and operational Detroit
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(UPI)
 
 
 
120-foot-long escape tunnel found under Mexican prison. Which was, amazingly enough, surrounded by very tall walls. Well built walls, even. It's almost like this could be a metaphor for something
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 

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