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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Dario Franchitti wins Indy 500, bestowing upon Fark another thread of hot Ashley Judd photos  (cnn.com)	(40)
		Doug Collins on the Celtics: "I don't look at them as the Big Three. I look at them as the Championship Four"  (boston.com)	(17)
		Will the Nats extend the Braves misery? Can a KC/Baltimore game have real meaning? Will the Cubs find another new way to lose? Does anyone not on the West Coast care about Angels or Mariners? Your Sunday MLB thread  (mlb.com)	(87)
		All whiskey tastes the same, just get the $5 bottle. There, THAT'S how you troll a whiskey thread. Or spell it whisky  (chicagotribune.com)	(283)
		Will Helio get his fourth? Will Andretti slow on the backstretch? How dusty will it get during the Dan Wheldon tributes? It's your official 96th Indianapolis 500 race thread (11am ET, ABC)  (indystar.com)	(1061)
		"One dolla bid, now two, now two, will ya' give me two? Two dolla bid, now three, now three, will ya' give me three? Threedollathreedolla, going once...going twice...SOLD - to the evil banker scum in the plaid jacket"  (thestar.com)	(80)
		Memorial Day: how it's changed, and why some people think it should not be part of a three-day weekend  (news.nationalgeographic.com)	(284)

		Paleoanthropologist predicts that evolution deniers will become extinct within 30 years  (nytimes.com)	(124)
		Hey, why don't we have a gardening thread? BRING ON THE ORGANIC TROLLS  (oregonlive.com)	(138)
		Glitz, kitsch, human rights violations, a pack of Russian grandmothers, more cheese than a tailgate party at Lambeau Field, politicized voting, and Engelbert farking Humperdinck. It must be time for your 2012 Eurovision Song Contest thread  (bbc.co.uk)	(409)
		Eminem now working on a new solo record that threatens to be as massive as Marilyn Manson's comeback album  (music-mix.ew.com)	(53)
		Who here can honestly say they've never gotten drunk and decided to throw a Molotov cocktail at a medical helicopter?  (azfamily.com)	(38)
		Mitt Romney says teachers are wrong that smaller class sizes help children, also needs your help to find door through maze of desks and drooling kids looking for the overworked teacher curled up in the corner sobbing  (philly.com)	(279)
(Some Guy)		Professor complains that crosses on state university entrance tower violate the separation of church and state. Good Christians respond as Jesus would, by stalking, online harassment, death threats, and firing her from her job  (au.org)	(234)

(Bellator)		Friday night fights. Bellator season 6 finale, The Ultimate Fighter, and HDNet Titan Fighting Championship 22, discussion combo thread. 7PM eastern  (bellator.com)	(122)
		In a publicity stunt that could be in no way misinterpreted, the Daily Caller blog will be giving away one a gun a week to its readers--but only through Election Day  (news.yahoo.com)	(128)
		So, it hasn't been the best three weeks for Obama  (politico.com)	(116)
		"You can't pitch! You can't pitch!" hecklers yelled at the deaf Little Leaguer. Then he threw a perfect game  (newsday.com)	(67)
(Some Guy)		Marco Rubio insists he's not interested in becoming the Vice President. It's pure coincidence that he's going on a book tour, through swing states, on July 4th  (mega949.com)	(27)
		Mayor of a New Jersey town and worried about the recall drive against you? No problem, just hack the website calling for your recall and threaten everyone involved  (arstechnica.com)	(62)
		Throw Grandma from the plane  (youtube.com)	(34)
		Susie Wheldon returns to the Speedway, Will Power tries to willpower his way to his first 'big' victory, Ryan Briscoe is confused by a question from his wife. It's your official Indianapolis 500 Carb Day thread  (indystar.com)	(59)
		Marlins RF Giancarlo Stanton almost decapitated Marlins 1B Logan Morrison after Morrison apparently tried to cutoff Stanton's throw to home (with amazing "The Matrix" video of Morrison dodging the throw)  (deadspin.com)	(21)

		Caucasians near the border with Georgia are threatening to make a fuss over what happened 150 years ago. No, that other thing  (thedailybeast.com)	(32)
		You know those two 85-year-old women who sit at a table when you go to vote? The GOP wants to allow them to throw away your ballot  (slate.com)	(233)
		The filth saved on your hard drive can spread throughout the entire PC  (liveleak.com)	(59)
		What 'Three Little Pigs' tells us about America's future  (upi.com)	(73)
		The guy with a gun always gets to go ahead of everybody else at the McDonald's drive-thru  (palmbeachpost.com)	(29)
		Google says government cybercrime is the greatest threat to the internet; helping governments repress their own citizens and pushing for a tiered internet greatest ideals  (guardian.co.uk)	(12)
		Latest polls show Obama leading in three states that are must-win for Romney, including double digit leads among women in each state. Romney campaign immediately files for injunction against mathematics, women's right to vote  (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)	(151)
(Socialist Stooge)		German police confront Occupy protesters and....take off their helmets and escort them through town?  (globalwinnipeg.com)	(135)

(Some Guy)		Remember the 7th-degree black belt who can take away your gun faster than you can blink? His black belt skills apparently don't include getting a loaded pistol magazine through TSA  (facebook.com)	(78)
		Will Martin Brodeur need a glass of Metamucil? Will John Tortorella need a sippy cup of apple juice? The answers and more in tonight's Devils at Rangers Game 5 ECF thread (8:00 PM eastern, NBCSN)  (nhl-red-light.si.com)	(662)
		5 tips for Diablo 3. Three are obvious, and two completely break the game  (aggrogate.com)	(233)
		Washington's favorite Wang set to return. This is not a Bill Clinton thread  (espn.go.com)	(16)
		A three-year-old boy drove his toy motorbike to a busy downtown street in an east China city, ignorant of the danger. A local police officer spotted the kid timely and led him down the street  (eitb.com)	(26)
		"Mr. Singh said that he had 65 langurs urinating on prominent homes and buildings throughout Delhi." The best part is that they pay him to do it  (nytimes.com)	(26)
		ALF's creator thinks he needs to be back, and not just in Pog form  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(30)
		'Gay' penguin couple given egg of their own, all three doing fine. FINE? IT'S NOT FINE. It has TWO DADDIES. It may be FINE on the OUTSIDE, but INSIDE it's CONFUSED and EMBARRASSED. LOOK AT THE FREAK EGG. IT HAS TWO DADDIES  (telegraph.co.uk)	(56)
		Egyptians are voting today in the "first" "free" "elections" in their history - discussion thread  (bbc.co.uk)	(153)
		Corey Feldman has 6 foot 300-pound woman that he met through Michael Jackson arrested for violating a restraining order...while living in his house  (tmz.com)	(36)

		Roger Clemens juror asks Brian McNamee why they should believe he injected steroids into an angry man who once threw a broken bat at Mike Piazza and whose fastball was the same speed well into his 40s as when he was a rookie  (espn.go.com)	(82)
		In a desperate attempt to stay relevant and to out-Derp the AZ Secretary of State/Romney's campaign co-chair, Sheriff Joe sends a "Threats Unit" investigator to Hawaii. You know, just because   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(210)
		If your couch is dirty and smells of urine, do you A: Clean it? B: Throw it out? or C: Set it on fire while it's still in your apartment?  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(44)
		Not news: Grandma lets granddaughter test drive her car. Fark: 10-year old granddaughter hits three cars in a McDonald's parking lot  (boston.com)	(23)
(Some Guy)		Vince McMahon figures out the reason WWE Films aren't doing so well; there just aren't enough three-foot penises on display  (411mania.com)	(74)
		"Game of Thrones" videogames suck, so try spiking these mods on your walls instead  (kotaku.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)		...and at night, the meth fairy flies through your window to spread her gift of love and joy (with fairy mugshot)  (kirotv.com)	(60)
		The main thrust of the GOP campaign against Obama is that Romney has better ideas on how to fix the economy. So, let's check the polls and see how that is working out..oh, dear. Um...okay, so what's Plan B?  (washingtonpost.com)	(162)

		Will the Lakers win after 41 Free Throws? Will OKC move on to the Western Final? It's your Official NBA Playoff Thread  (nba.com)	(289)
		Not news: some people climbed Everest. News: Three died on descent because of "traffic jam". Fark: Everest has traffic jams because apparently the only mountaineering experience required is Photoshop  (cbc.ca)	(162)
		Members of Congress now have the vocabulary of 10th-graders, down a grade from five years ago, and before that Daniel Patrick Moynihan kept throwing off the curve  (npr.org)	(110)
(The Courier-Journal)		News: Shooting happens in a bad part of town. Unusual: Six people are shot, three of them fatally. Fark: One of those fatally shot was the boyfriend of a woman who wore a "No Boyfriend, No Problem" shirt to the crime scene  (courier-journal.com)	(60)
(Some Relaxed Fit Guy)		In another "Who thought up this study?" study, skinny jeans found to be a health risk if worn incorrectly. Surprisingly the risk wasn't throwing your back out trying to yank them up over your butt  (wcpo.com)	(66)
		Chelsea fans hit streets of London, throw celery at new kings of Europe  (dailymail.co.uk)	(42)
		Happy birthday, Animated GIFs. This thread is useless without you  (kotaku.com)	(203)
(KKTV)		Robber sprays liquor store employees with lighter fluid, threatens to set them on fire if he doesn't get cash. Employees respond with baseball bat  (kktv.com)	(23)
(Some Guy)		Sacha Baron Cohen nearly killed by a group of rock-wielding "Hasidic nutcases" in Israel. At least they didn't throw him down a well  (ottawacitizen.com)	(158)

		Will Big Johnny defeat Divorced Johnny? Will CM Punk and Daniel Bryan get 30 minutes? Sure, all the other matches are terrible but this thread will be enlightened. It is your Over the Limit PPV thread (7:30 ET)  (sports.yahoo.com)	(2102)
		Three men caught stripping stolen car. I never understood autoerotica  (ctpost.com)	(25)
		Will the Yotes finally scurry out of the darkness to break the Kings' domination of Round 3; or, will the Kings clinch their rein over the West? It's your Sunday NHL Playoffs thread  (nhl.com)	(505)
		Can Worst Chicago sweep Best Chicago? Will anyone be watching the Twins and Brewers? Can anyone explain to me how the Orioles-Nationals game is the highlight of the day? Sunday MLB Discussion Thread  (scores.espn.go.com)	(73)
		"Subby," you scream through the Oreo and Dorito crumbs caked over your mouth. "Slideshows are Satan's web pages." Oh well, enjoy the slideshow of millennial failure anyway  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(134)
		Democratic Underground thanks FARK for the thread about funniest protest signs ever seen  (democraticunderground.com)	(0)

		Naked man fleeing police falls through ceiling, breaks through glass door and then it gets interesti.... No, actually that's pretty much it. Ta Da  (chicagotribune.com)	(14)
		It's your 2012 Preakness discussion thread. Can the Bodemeister run away from the field? Can you run away from your wife when she realizes you lost $500 and are fall-down drunk? Make your picks  (nbcsports.msnbc.com)	(83)
		Mount Saint Ozzie Guillen sets off a vicious MLB / NBA war between coaches and players, threatens to "kick Dwyane Wade's ass" for Wade disrespecting Heat coach Eric Spoelstra  (espn.go.com)	(17)
		Three shipwrecked fishermen survive on clams and seaweed for 10 days, by the end are a little dinghy  (thedenverchannel.com)	(25)
(Stanford University)		Interactive online simulation allows you to chart a route through the Roman world circa 200 AD. It's like a Google Maps for the Ancient Roman Empire. And hey, I found the brothel your mom worked at. It's marked with an enormous X  (orbis.stanford.edu)	(18)

		Police do everything they can to help intoxicated teen dry up, including putting him through a clothes dryer  (abc4.com)	(47)
		Friday night fight thread. Bellator 69. Place your bets on how many replays the first kick to the balls gets. Groin striking begins at 7 ET  (spike.com)	(241)
		Women's Professional Soccer league permanently disbands after three seasons. Fan distraught  (espn.go.com)	(68)
		The Wiggles replace three fourths of their aging troupe, with the new Yellow Wiggle being a 22-year-old woman  (dailymail.co.uk)	(74)
		Missing the game winning three pointer against the Oklahoma City Thunder? That's a death threat  (tracking.si.com)	(14)
		Contrarian take on Facebook IPO: "You'd be better off investing in Greek government bonds". Facebook IPO discussion thread  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk)	(196)
		Man plays porn game, is surprised and disappointed by the amount of porn in it. "I honestly began clicking through sex scenes as quickly as possible"  (kotaku.com)	(47)
		It's your official Let's Pity Chicagoans Affected by the NATO summit discussion thread  (chicagotribune.com)	(68)
		The four personality styles of drivers and what it means about how they handle a car. Hint: three of them translate to "asshole"  (wtop.com)	(246)
		Six shot, three dead in Louisville. If only there had been an armed citizen nearby we could have prevented this tragedy  (news.yahoo.com)	(276)

(WVUE)		"Police search for three armed men in home invasion." STANDARD HANDCUFFS WON'T WORK, PEOPLE  (fox8live.com)	(34)
		Do we have to beg for an NBA playoff thread today? I mean, shoot, hockey ain't even 'merican. Ok, I'm begging...pleeeeeeese? Pacers vs Heat at 7pm. Other games? Who cares. I'm the one beggin' here  (nba.com)	(391)
(KTVB)		Underwear bandit breaks through the backdoor, in Fruitland Idaho  (ktvb.com)	(25)
		Rodin Museum to reopen in July, Mothra Museum still on hold  (news.yahoo.com)	(31)
		Azithromycin may increase the likelihood of sudden death in adults, especially those who have heart issues. Hey, my dentist prescribes that for me, because of my heart operation. Seriously she does. THUD  (nytimes.com)	(46)
		Game of Thrones played on 8 floppy drives. Windows is coming  (youtube.com)	(20)

		Two hot blondes perform the "Game of Thrones" theme on electric harps.... Winter is coming, indeed  (youtube.com)	(52)
		British joblessness falls unexpectedly, pay rises slow, sending ripples through pub industry  (news.yahoo.com)	(3)
		Students place sticky notes throughout school as a senior prank. The principal's reaction? a) Share a good laugh with the students, b) Kindly ask the students to remove sticky notes, or c) Suspend 40+ students and fire the janitor  (indystar.com)	(192)
(australian)		New study says that fat reaches a person's waistline within three hours of eating a meal, or three and a half hours after Domino's gets the call  (theaustralian.com.au)	(47)
		Paleontologists determine that Pliosaurs had arthritis. Still no cure for cancer  (abcnews.go.com)	(3)
		In honor of the late Adam Yauch, three kids perform a remake of the Beastie Boys' "Sabotage" video  (news.yahoo.com)	(13)
		It's a bad day for an umpire when players are throwing their helmets and fans their beers at you (video)  (deadspin.com)	(116)

		At age 38, Cleveland Indians pitcher Derek Lowe throws his fourth career complete game shutout, currently has a 6-1 record with an ERA of 2.05. Fark: The Atlanta Braves are still paying $10,000,000 of his $15,000,000 salary  (scores.espn.go.com)	(33)
		Your official Error 37 thread continues...  (fark.com)	(544)
		Four years after the crash and three years after the biggest bailout in US history, Wall Street can still get away with losing billions in risky trades. Here's why  (motherjones.com)	(52)
		Most exaggerated strike three call of all-time  (deadspin.com)	(43)
		The Obama Administration is threatening states who voted against him by using their water supply against them, claims someone who just watched Dr. Strangelove and thought it was a documentary  (wnd.com)	(34)
		When a company has a monopoly they can raise power rates for the 7th time in 11 years and then throw a lavish party the next day  (cbc.ca)	(97)

		Finally, with student debt topping $1 trillion, college presidents are waking up and recognizing that they might have to handle education costs through methods other than tuition increases. Maybe think about following a budget and things  (nytimes.com)	(405)
		Not News: An illegal alien with $14K in income paid no taxes. News: He received a refund of $10K from the IRS. Fark: Nearly three quarters of tax returns filed by illegal aliens received such tax credits. Taxpayer Cost: $Billions  (examiner.com)	(281)
		The Tea Party may throw Mitch McConnell out of his leadership post for being too compromising with the Democrats  (salon.com)	(101)
		Mitt Romney wants to make it legal for you to hunt, shoot, and protect your family. You probably can't do all three at once though  (i.imgur.com)	(95)
		Buffalo rampages through house, streets and kindergarten. Still can't win Super Bowl  (huffingtonpost.com)	(34)
		Weakening euro has officials beginning to consider a Greek exit. Looks like like we're not through with all that Santorum mess just yet  (bloomberg.com)	(7)

		Cuddle up next to your mom and watch the Orioles vs Rays, Indians vs Red Sox, Braves vs Cardinals and more. It's your Mother's Day Sunday MLB Discussion Thread  (scores.espn.go.com)	(52)
		Team of specialist archaeologists spend three months creating replica of Bronze Age boat, only to work out that a boat specialist may have been fractionally more useful  (bbc.co.uk)	(41)
		This sexy javelin thrower from Paraguay will make you forget all about that sexy pole vaulter from California  (thesun.co.uk)	(67)
		It's all up for grabs now: the title, the last CL spots, and the final relegation spot all in contention. The final 10 games played at the same time. Watch the destiny of the league in your epic season ending EPL discussion thread  (bbc.co.uk)	(614)
(SPEED)		A Williams on the pole? Lewis Hamilton starting from the back of the grid? Other possible crazy? It's your F1 Grand Prix of Spain official discussion thread. Race coverage starts at 7:30 AM EST  (formula-one.speedtv.com)	(152)
		Three tech bargains you shouldn't fall for... but probably will  (reviews.cnet.com)	(128)

		Will Danica Patrick storm through the field to win? Will Fox not talk about Danica Patrick for more than five seconds? Its your Southern 500 starring Danica Patrick, live 6:30 PM ET on Fox  (nascar.com)	(653)
		Taxi driver tries to drive through puddle that in reality is water filled sink hole. Demonstrates depth for reporter by first using stick, then foot, then ooops... whole body  (liveleak.com)	(35)
		In honor of Cougar Town, here's a list of 13 shows that were saved by switching networks. However, the list fails by not mentioning Mystery Science Theater 3000. Bonus: Half of the shows were dumped by the geniuses at NBC  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(67)
(LJWorld)		On its last day in session, Kansas legislature ignores trivial matters like the budget and redistricting to deal with apocalyptic threats posed by Sharia law and UN Agenda 21  (www2.ljworld.com)	(142)

		Restaurant posts sign warning parents not to let their snowflakes run wild; parents respond by throwing a tantrum  (tampabay.com)	(279)
		From the " Maybe we didn't think of our cunning plan all the way through" dept: North Carolina finding the ban on gay marriage is bad for business  (nytimes.com)	(190)
		Game of Thrones decapitated Ned Stark dessert pops  (io9.com)	(55)
(Some Guy)		Friday night fights Bellator 68 / Legacy Fighting Championship 11 / The Ultimate Fighter: Live / etc. discussion super-combo thread. First fights start at 7pm eastern  (bellator.com)	(115)
		All three Transformers movies summarized in a single one minute video  (youtube.com)	(37)
		Brother of one of Anders Behring Breivik's victims attacks him during court session. Honestly, who throws a shoe?  (startribune.com)	(150)
		Hypochondria support thread. What disease do you think you're dying from?  (en.wikipedia.org)	(276)
		Redskins introducing 1937 throwback jerseys, with "a rich, darker color palate," a patch from the early years, and a helmet that has "a unique, leather-like finish." and pockets, it appears (pic)  (washingtonpost.com)	(70)
		People plan on spending $152 on their moms this year, more than three times what your mom charges  (610wiod.com)	(31)
		Blood + Boobs - Elaborate Battle Sequences = "Game of Thrones"  (youtube.com)	(45)
(Some Guy)		News: Two men get their iPhones stolen. FARK: By prostitutes. TotalFark: The men fire a shot through the motel room door. Stockton: Prostitutes return fire, injuring one  (fox40.com)	(27)
		Orioles' wacky, unusual season continues as they become first team in AL history to open a game with three straight home runs, beating Texas 6-5. FARK: Orioles team gets only five hits--all home runs  (mlb.mlb.com)	(45)
		If an eight-year-old boy is riding his bike in front of your house you should a) wave hello, b) do absolutely nothing, c) throw a pitchfork at him. Bonus round: You're holding a beer while this is happening, what do you do?  (mcall.com)	(35)
		Rafael Nadal beaten on clay court in Madrid, congratulates winner and leaves gracefully. Just kidding, he blames the court itself and threatens not to return next year. Fail tag used in absence of Douche tag  (sports.yahoo.com)	(28)
		Seventy-three-year-old man sets fire at nursing home because it turns him on. Whatever happened to reruns of The Golden Girls?  (courant.com)	(15)

		Will the Bulls realize they're playing the Sixers? Will the Lakers fall prey to the altitude? Will Rondo make up for his butterfingers? Will anyone force a Game 7? It's today's NBA Playoffs Thread. First tipoff is at 7 pm Eastern  (scores.espn.go.com)	(246)
		If you're an MLB pitcher and have never tried the fake-to-third-throw-to-first move, you'd better do it before it's too late  (news.yahoo.com)	(65)
		Thrice-divorced Rush Limbaugh on the sanctity of marriage: "words used to mean something"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(153)
		Subby isn't sure if Fartbongo or Romomama has my best interest at heart. Bill O'Reilly sends me signals through the TV, so I think I have to marry Rachel Maddow. Wat do?  (fark.com)	(123)
		Three nuts on a unicycle in east Texas (with video)  (local10.com)	(42)

		The latest gang to invade and threaten residents of south Florida: feral ducks. Difficulty: They're federally protected, so moving them is prohibited   (articles.sun-sentinel.com)	(121)
		Will tonight be the night we find out if the Eastern Conference Finals will be a 1994 redux, or will the Caps force a Game 7? Your Rangers - Caps Game 6 thread  (nhl.com)	(1035)
		Disney is wasting no time cashing in on the Avengers thrill ride. Actually, it's not a ride. It's more like over priced hats and tee shirts, but you get the idea  (bloomberg.com)	(10)
		Cris Carter admits he used to put bounties on players who were trying to injure him, which means the Saints are to be awarded three Super Bowls and Jonathan Vilma is automatically President  (espn.go.com)	(177)
		Your estranged wife wants to vote for a Democrat. Do you: C) throw yourself in front of her moving vehicle?  (jsonline.com)	(182)

		Four elimination games tonight as the Magic, Bulls, Hawks, and Nuggets each try to stay alive. Fun starts at 7pm eastern in tonight's first round NBA Playoff thread  (sports.yahoo.com)	(216)
		Will Wisconsin decide to Falk Walker? Or will Democrats choose to grin and Barrett? Your Wisconsin primary election day thread discussion to the right --  (jsonline.com)	(162)
		New $1600 vacuuming robot speaks three languages, sends photos, sucks  (washingtonpost.com)	(20)
		Abraham Lincoln throws his hat into the Wisconsin recall election  (ireport.cnn.com)	(29)
		Surely those eerie meows coming from the bathroom wall have nothing to do with our missing cat  (thelocal.de)	(35)
		Drunk college student jumps three stories into a pool. Missed it by THAT much  (dailymail.co.uk)	(75)

		Forget bullet trains until America fixes this: "A recent trainload of sulfur took some 27 hours to pass through Chicago - an average speed of 1.13 miles per hour, or about a quarter the pace of many electric wheelchairs"  (nytimes.com)	(197)
		Spurs prepare to put the Jazz out of their misery, while the Clippers hope they can keep Memphis from leveling the series. It's your NBA playoffs discussion thread. Games begin at 8PM EST on TNT  (scores.espn.go.com)	(86)
		Who will Ovie try to break in half tonight? Will the Coyotes win on the ice AND off? It's the "Can we stop talking about ownership BS?" edition of your Stanley Cup Playoffs thread (WAS-NYR 7:30pm, NSH-PHX 10pm)  (tsn.ca)	(915)
		Get ready to throw out your 'Fark playoff hockey suspension flowchart.' Claude Giroux of the Flyers likely to be suspended today for his hit to the head of New Jersey's Dainius Zubrus  (tsn.ca)	(98)
(Business Insider)		If you throw out the two bad years, under Bush the economy created 130K jobs per month. If you throw out Obama's first year, the economy created 131K jobs per month. It's almost as if the president has no real control over job creation   (articles.businessinsider.com)	(112)
		Mother of the year stops in safari park to let giraffe put its head through car window (with bonus pic of her daughter petting it)  (express.co.uk)	(167)
		After 4 1/2 years, Shaquille O'Neal earns a Ph.D. It would have been sooner but part of his doctoral thesis included having to make seven of ten free throws  (newser.com)	(37)

		Bulls try and keep up with the 76ers, the Heat look to finish off the Knicks, plus Hawks/Celtics and Lakers/Nuggets tonight: it's your NBA playoffs thread  (scores.espn.go.com)	(242)
		Can the Orioles continue to dismantle the Red Sox? How far will the Phillies fall? If the Marlins reach .500 and there are no fans around to see it, does it count? It's your Sunday Afternoon MLB Discussion Thread  (scores.espn.go.com)	(379)
		After successfully throttling a cow, the states are now complaining that it's stopped giving milk  (nytimes.com)	(88)
		There are more people reading this thread right now than watch Eliot Spitzer on Current TV. Yes, really  (newsbusters.org)	(79)
		Chelsea and Liverpool try and prove the seasons isn't a complete loss, a Manchester team slips up and Wenger flaps his arms. Its a joint FA Cup Final and weekend EPL thread. Let the banter commence  (bbc.co.uk)	(416)

(Waiting For Next Year)		In case you haven't noticed - and judging by the attendance, you haven't - the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar  (waitingfornextyear.com)	(45)
(Some Guy)		US government now considers global warming a national security threat, which I guess means we'll start bombing the shiat out of the Arctic soon   (campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com)	(295)
		Most awesome response ever after a cop asks for a man's ID just because he was walking through a neighborhood known as a high-crime area: "(Expletive) you, that's for you to figure out"  (nwfdailynews.com)	(323)
(Panorama.gi)		Gibraltar very very angry Spain is to hold three bull fighting confrences in Gibraltar. Possibility of very rarely seen British Overseas Territory Sports/Border Dispute Related Trifecta  (panorama.gi)	(6)

		Three NBC employees now editing their resumes after editing George Zimmerman's 911 call  (www2.tbo.com)	(189)
		"MySpace's sole purpose is to serve as an anthropological collection of the ways young people embarrassed themselves online in the early-to-mid-2000s"  (gawker.com)	(18)
		Bill Buckner's '86 World Series ball sells at auction. Apparently, someone couldn't let it slip through his fingers  (usatoday.com)	(16)
		"Officials say that messages on social media that led to the cancelation of classes were not threats, but were rather about masturbation"  (wxyz.com)	(52)
		Will Rondo "trip on" another ref? Will the Bulls remember to play a second half against the Sixers? Will the Nuggets keep the Lakers under 100? Friday night NBA playoffs discussion thread? Why not? Games start at 7:30 ET  (espn.go.com)	(100)
		"The entire Obama campaign is a slice-and-dice operation, pandering to one group after another, particularly those that elected Obama in 2008 - blacks, Hispanics, women, young people - and for whom the thrill is now gone"  (washingtonpost.com)	(169)
(Bellator)		Friday night fights, Bellator 67 discussion thread. Fights start at 7pm eastern  (bellator.com)	(84)
		Reading and Southampton have already joined, and now West Ham, Birmingham City, Blackpool, and Cardiff fight to be the last team promoted to the Greatest Show on Earth. The Championship playoffs start today, here's your thread   (footballleagueblog.dailymail.co.uk)	(55)
		Woman gives herself a new name....well, actually 161 new names. Still no match for Emperor Spiderman Gandalf Wolverine Skywalker Optimus Prime Goku Sonic Xavier Ryu Cloud Superman Heman Batman Thrash  (bbc.co.uk)	(38)
		Argentina: "To compete on English soil, we train on Argentine soil." Farkland Islands: "This shiat is invading the sports thread now?"  (guardian.co.uk)	(25)
(Some Guy)		Good news: U.S. victory over Iran would only take three weeks, so no big deal  (rt.com)	(383)

(Miami New Times)		Florida mansion where famous porn flick "Deep Throat" was filmed is now for sale; current asking price seems a little hard to swallow, but may eventually go down  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)	(46)
		City claims sniper rifles are a traffic safety device. Note to self: don't speed through League City, Texas  (thenewspaper.com)	(24)
		Mavs look to go up 3-0 in 47-minute playoff games, while the Knicks try to score more points than there are posts in this thread. NBA Game 3s Discussion thread  (espn.go.com)	(102)
		Is Game of Thrones' gratuitous sex worse than the gratuitous violence?  (io9.com)	(224)
		Woman faked pregnancy, even had her family throw her a baby shower, before she beat a woman with a tire iron and kidnapped her baby  (foxcharlotte.com)	(44)
		What if the Game of Thrones characters had Dungeons & Dragons alignments?  (io9.com)	(174)
		Three Delta employees decide that the TSA shouldn't have all the drug-smuggling fun. Bonus: They're foiled when their checked bag actually arrives on time  (ajc.com)	(7)
(Boomstick Comics)		Hollywood to reboot Dukes of Hazzard again. Wasn't once enough?  (boomstickcomics.com)	(59)
		Russia threatens to preemptively strike NATO missile defense sites if NATO does not agree to their demands  (hosted.ap.org)	(73)
		Newt Gingrich, "My wife has pointed out to me approximately 219 times, give or take three, that moon colony was probably not my most clever comment in this campaign"  (washingtonpost.com)	(60)
		News: Jered Weaver throws first career no-hitter. Not News: Against the Twins  (scores.espn.go.com)	(55)

		Not News: Man goes to pick up his daughter from day care. News: The place is locked up tight. Fark: He has to break in to get inside because the three-year-old was left alone  (news.yahoo.com)	(137)
		NYR@WAS, 7:30 PM ET on NBCSN. PHX@NSH, 9:00 ET on CNBC. PLAYOFF HOCKEY THREAD, right here  (scores.espn.go.com)	(1114)
		Pfizer hoping their new Alzheimer, blood thinner and arthritis drugs will pillage the competition  (bloomberg.com)	(17)
		BBC America takes a bleeper to The Thick Of It to censor the swearing, leaving it with just three words of dialogue  (bbc.co.uk)	(51)
		You get busted celebrating 4/20 day by the DEA. Do they: A) arrest you, B) throw you in a small cell, C) forget about you for five days leaving you to drink your urine to survive, or D) ALL OF THE ABOVE?  (nbcsandiego.com)	(345)

		Honestly, who throws a shoe? Oh, Dwayne Wade?  (nytimes.com)	(29)
(C&E News)		How worried should we be about intelligent space dinosaurs? Apparently enough to try and get the same paper published three times in three separate journals  (cen.acs.org)	(33)
		Boston Celtics hope to level in Atlanta, a Rose-less Chicago Bulls will try to stay ahead of Philadelphia in the series, and Denver will try to steal a game from the Lakers. It's your occasional NBA playoffs thread. Games start at 7:30pm EST  (espn.go.com)	(174)
		Three grandmas talk about the Kardashians and watch Kim and Ray-J's sex tape. Choice quotes include "why is it so purple?" and "it looks like a snake" (with not safe for work language)  (youtube.com)	(49)
		"After punching a man several times in the face without provocation, Juarez got off the bus and got back on to throw a garbage can"  (big1059.com)	(22)
		Three Unix administrators walk into a bar  (networkworld.com)	(46)
		21-year-old MMA fighter goes against untrained 53-year-old guy who jumps in the cage with one hour's notice. Thanks old man, for a memorable three minutes of excitement (language NSFW)  (youtube.com)	(148)
		Five scientific explanations for Game of Thrones' messed-up seasons  (io9.com)	(197)

		The May issue of GQ in Mexico has see-through pics of Sofia Vergara, but I just read it for the articles (Not safe for work)  (wwtdd.com)	(134)
(Architizer)		Home's glass-bottomed bathroom situated above deep elevator shaft will have guests crapping their pants before they ever reach the toilet (w/crap-inducing pics)  (architizer.com)	(58)
		Caps at Rangers 7:30 -- Kings at St. Louis 9:00 PM -- Farkers at Drinking... pretty mush all the time. Today's NHL playoff thread  (nhl.com)	(664)
(Some Guy)		Police on Friday were investigating what would cause Latham to go on his nude rampage. "He was not very cooperative throughout (the incident)"  (thestarpress.com)	(46)
		Three weeks ago, a nurse told Woody Roseland that he was cancer-free, and Jeremy Guthrie had no one to throw the ball around with. A few tweets later, Jeremy's teaching Woody how to pitch dust right into submitter's eye  (espn.go.com)	(18)
		Spain's high unemployment throws country into recession as most common profession becomes siesta  (newser.com)	(40)

		The real reason Jim Delany has opposed a playoff: it will magnify the Big Ten's failure to become a consistent national title threat and diminish the league's Rose Bowl consolation prize  (omaha.com)	(87)
		The Avengers has already grossed $178 million overseas. Guess the whole world wants to see Captain America throw his mighty shield  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(119)
		It's not a stretch to see the advanced skills of these three Russian gymnasts  (break.com)	(29)
		The relegation battle on Saturday, and the battle for fourth spot on Sunday. It's your weekly EPL discussion thread, now better tasting and less filling  (bbc.co.uk)	(263)

		Go right through video game history  (news.cnet.com)	(85)
		Sam Raimi is remaking Poltergeist. This news will make you want to go into the light  (slashfilm.com)	(73)
		The world fears being plunged into anarchy and chaos as the Prince of Lichtenstein threatens to step down. Yeah, so, apparently Lichtenstein has a prince, who knew?  (news.yahoo.com)	(136)
		If you get caught secretly filming your hot neighbor in the bathroom, own up to your actions. Don't blame it on an imaginary nephew named Aaron  (azcentral.com)	(57)

		Will Andrew Luck and Coby Fleener be reunited in Indy? Will the Seahawks continue to do their best Stretch Armstrong impression? Will Ernest Borgnine go to the Browns? NFL Draft: Rounds Two & Three (7 PM ET)  (espn.go.com)	(564)
		Of the $200,000 in donations George Zimmerman raised from his website, he's already blown through $50,000 of it on "living expenses, rent or whatever"  (latimes.com)	(931)
		I can't wait until the economy picks up so you people can find jobs and quit posting troll threads. That should be reason enough to vote Romney, no matter how you feel about our dog-eating POTUS  (fark.com)	(543)
		Unlock the secrets of the brain using just light - the breakthrough science of Optogenetics  (humansinvent.com)	(12)
		Not news: Government deporting illegals. News: The government is Pakistan and the illegals are Osama bin Laden's three widows and his two teenage daughters  (cnn.com)	(82)
		Man with home-made bomb threatens to blow himself up in central London  (express.co.uk)	(158)
		Seventy-three-year-old man drills into WWII-era 20mm cannon shell to make a lamp. Hilarity explodes  (nj.com)	(48)

		Romney campaign continues to warn of Soviet threat, pledges to help Czechoslovakia   (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(277)
		Good Luck to Indianapolis. RG3 replaces RG3rd and 15. Then what? It's your NFL Draft 1st Round discussion thread  (espn.go.com)	(∞)
		Classy Ranger fans intercept ball thrown to two year old then laugh it up as the kid cries his eyes out  (content.usatoday.com)	(302)
		If a TSA agent has arranged to let you through security with a load of cocaine, you'd better be sure to pick the right terminal  (freep.com)	(19)
		Dairy cow escapes. Last seen ordering Happy Meal at the drive through  (wishtv.com)	(28)
(Bille Jean)		Good Idea: Listen to your old Thriller album when you're missing Michael. Bad Idea: Hold someone at gunpoint and force them to moonwalk  (bonnercountydailybee.com)	(24)
		The Farktographers made the mistake of letting you pick what they shoot in the upcoming Scavenger Hunt theme. Details in first post. LGT Farktography discussion thread  (farktography.net)	(133)
		The bailout of the auto industry continues to backfire as Chrysler suffers through only a quadrupling of their earnings in the first quarter  (money.cnn.com)	(143)
		You still have the right to run through the streets naked and high on meth without being charged with a crime. USA USA USA  (clickondetroit.com)	(64)
		New Zealand postal service laughs at US Postal Service's feeble attempt to go to five day a week service, says three days a week sounds about right  (nzherald.co.nz)	(88)

(Some Guy)		Rep. Todd Akin (R-eally dumb): "Federal student loans are the stage three cancer of socialism"  (columbiatribune.com)	(393)
		The beginning of the universe told through Minecraft  (youtube.com)	(20)
(Some Guy)		A classic case of not thinking your clever plan all the way through  (wtae.com)	(15)
(kwtv)		Woman is outraged over high electric bill and threatens to blow up the power company. Fark: The bill is only $14  (news9.com)	(141)
(Fox Sports)		Minor league team runs promotion offering free tickets to fans who can throw harder than Jamie Moyer. More than 80 try, none succeed  (foxsportsnorth.com)	(105)

		You see, when a moon loves a planet very, very much, it blasts small objects through its F ring  (arstechnica.com)	(16)
		The best way to mark the Queen's 60 years on the throne is with. A) A huge party. B) A statue. C) A commemorative can of beans  (dailymail.co.uk)	(66)
		Porsche 911 spins through the air at race in Australia after 100 mph collision. Bonus: Driver manages to walk away almost entirely unscathed  (thesun.co.uk)	(43)
		The small sovereign nation of Ryan Seacrest grows by another $30 million  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(20)
		Flying Burrito Brothers bassist Chris Ethridge dead at 65. He will be topped with refried beans, guacamole, sour cream, cheese, and salsa, wrapped in a giant flour tortilla  (rollingstone.com)	(27)
(Vulture.com)		"Game of Thrones" has a kid problem. And it's not just you wanting to punch Joffrey  (vulture.com)	(333)
		Future Hall of Famer Pudge Rodriguez shows how to properly throw the first pitch  (buzzfeed.com)	(34)
		When considering video game design as a career, kids, remember to factor in the never-ending death threats  (kotaku.com)	(62)
		And now the dreaded return to Camp Nou: can Chelsea get past Barcelona to get to the Champions League final? Here is your game thread for today's match  (msn.foxsports.com)	(232)
		Owners throw $5000 wedding for dogs. Bride still a complete biatch (w/video)  (wtsp.com)	(31)
		Oriole starter Dontrelle Willis, assigned to AAA bullpen duty, decides to: A) work harder B) throw extra batting practice innings C) go AWOL  (deadspin.com)	(25)
		And this is what the streets on NYC look like AFTER the garbage truck comes through  (nypost.com)	(64)
		Introducing ...seriously... Yankees cologne and perfume, which "exudes strength, confidence and classic timelessness", as opposed to Cubs perfume that throws off notes of Old Style and humiliation   (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com)	(40)
		Grandad kills three-foot-long swamp beaver (w/horrifying three-foot-long swamp beaver pic)  (thesun.co.uk)	(82)

(GizMag)		From the man that brought you the wrist mounted crossbow and the fingertip flamethrower I give you the Blade Driver: a full sized, laser-sighted crossbow that fires spinning circular saw blades of DEATH  (gizmag.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)		Cool: man films daughter once a week for twelve years. Not cool: from about age three on it looks like she basically NEVER SHUT UP  (kottke.org)	(38)
		Will the Brock Lesnar/John Cena contract signing end with the usual brawl? Will Vince order crowd reaction muted yet again? How will two hours of material be stretched into three hours of show? Find out on WWE RAW Supershow, 8 PM ET on USA  (withleather.uproxx.com)	(1821)
		North Korea threatens to turn Seoul into "ashes in three or four minutes" using "unprecedented peculiar means and methods of our own style"  (google.com)	(238)
		Assistant principal, teacher, college access advisor, registrar, and three guidance counselors suspended from school for drinking. While on the senior trip. On a cruise. In the Bahamas  (wrcbtv.com)	(86)
		Woman arrested for throwing loose change at another woman. It makes no cents  (nwfdailynews.com)	(17)
(The Punch)		Australian journalist drinks only Starbucks coffee for three weeks. Finally concludes that it tastes like "run-off from an overweight Greco-Roman wrestler's spandex after a spin class"  (thepunch.com.au)	(46)
		Three words : Tampon USB stick  (theregister.co.uk)	(26)

(IndyChannel)		Greenland's tourism business is thriving due to tree huggers wanting to watch ice melt. See, this Global Warming™ thing isn't all bad  (theindychannel.com)	(13)
(SaveOnBrew)		The only way to get through nine painful innings is to soothe the way with sweet sweet beer. Beer prices at every MLB park  (saveonbrew.com)	(59)
		Will the Mariners find a way on base? Can the Royals lose their tenth in a row? How much of a lead do the Red Sox need to win a ballgame? It's your Sunday MLB Discussion Thread (Games begin at 1:10 PM ET)  (scores.espn.go.com)	(96)
		After yesterday's 12+ hours of hockey your liver gets a rest today with just three games: 12:00 (Eastern) The Battle For PA, 3:00 Boston/Washington, & 8:00 LA/Vancouver. All could be elimination games so your liver surrenders anyway  (tsn.ca)	(½)
		Girl who went missing five years ago, aged three, is now in her mid 40s  (express.co.uk)	(62)
		After three weeks, Matt Kemp has the highest batting average in MLB at .474. Who has the lowest? Yup ... it's an Oriole and he's still hitless, currently batting .000  (espn.go.com)	(49)
		Arsenal/Chelsea highlight a week that also includes Liverpool/West Brom, Newcastle/Stoke, and United/Everton. It's your weekly EPL thread, where if you aren't already drunk, you aren't trying hard enough  (bbc.co.uk)	(377)

		Tossing mud balls containing flower and vegetable seeds into vacant lots is the "cool" and "radical" way to prove you're a revolutionary, bomb-throwing hipster  (denverpost.com)	(200)
		Manu Ginobili throws amazing pass, immediately gets drafted by the Broncos  (youtube.com)	(16)
		Roger that, Lord Stanley, I read you 5-by-5. A quintet of hockey playoff games, with WAS-BOS at 3pm, NJD-FLA at 6:30, OTT-NYR at 7:00, SJS-STL at 7:30, CHI-PHX at 10:00. Day 11 Stanley Cup playoff discussion thread  (nhl.com)	(too many)
		Money market fund assets now top $2.584 trillion. Or, in government terms ... two wars and three industry bailouts  (reuters.com)	(16)
		Self-driving Cadillacs may be coming by the middle of the decade. Unfortunately, they will only want to drive themselves to the Old Country Buffet and through the middle of crowded farmer's markets  (foxnews.com)	(37)

(Some Guy)		'Bikini Baristas should be hidden behind privacy fence', says man whose house is the target of every egg-throwing teenager in Bremerton, WA  (kimatv.com)	(511)
		Insanely expensive gadgets for the 1%. And if you pay subby $50, he'll click through the slideshow for you  (wired.com)	(55)
		Researchers announce major breakthrough in the field of reusable laundry detergent. Um... guys, think we'll take a pass on that one  (sciencedaily.com)	(8)
		Diablo 3 has an open beta. That's good. It's lasting only three days. That's bad. You can download it right now for when it starts at 3 today. That's good. It's a server stress test. That's bad. Can I go home now?  (aggrogate.com)	(171)
(The Advertiser)		Republican House pulls through another bill to cut taxes on businesses. This is not a repeat from 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006  (theadvertiser.com)	(89)
		You might think a NASA video about the famous 1968 Earthrise photo would include the famous 1968 Earthrise photo  (networkworld.com)	(7)

		I was going to be a regular in Game of Thrones like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee  (kotaku.com)	(81)
(Some Guy)		Auto-parts shortage threatens Detroit as commentators fail to note that you can get all kinds of parts just by following an American-built car and picking them off the road as they fall off  (northjersey.com)	(21)
		Three men file suit against the producers of the TV show "The Bachelor" accusing them racial bias. Producers say the charges are ridiculous and it's total coincidence that in 23 seasons they've never had a minority lead  (wishtv.com)	(92)
(Some Guy)		Hey hoser, why can't we get some of that Clintonville booms publicity action up here in McAdam, eh? We'll need a new angle though. How aboot throwing in ball lightning? Skookum  (news.gather.com)	(19)
		Researchers turning cell phones into devices that can see through walls and other solid objects. Oh yes, that will be just spifferistic awesometastic  (sciencedaily.com)	(11)

		Fifty-three reasons why we need a new Star Trek TV show. Make it so  (huffingtonpost.com)	(142)
		Your daily Stanley Cup Playoff thread, "The Biggest Loser" edition; NYR vs OTT @ 730ET, PHI vs PIT @ 730ET, LA vs VAN @ 10ET, FAN vs COP @ 1AM  (nhl.com)	(1782)
		GOP of Thrones--November is coming. Some language is NSFW (sponsored link)  (indecisionforever.com)	(196)
		Yankees finally give in, will be the last team in the four major sports to wear a throwback uniform when they play in Boston on Friday  (nj.com)	(52)
		Megachurch pastor Robert Jeffress throws his support firmly behind Mitt Romney. Difficulty: he publicly called the Mormon faith a cult five months ago and said Romney wasn't a Christian  (slatest.slate.com)	(139)
		For most MLB teams, a six run inning resulting in a seven run lead midway through the ballgame would almost guarantee a victory. The Seattle Mariners? They can't even hold that lead into their next at-bat  (scores.espn.go.com)	(28)
		Obama throws some equal pay stones from his glass White House, where the women make 18% less than the men  (breitbart.com)	(181)
		Huffington Post gives FARK a hat tip about a man accused of stealing the ashes of a woman's dead sister and threatening to "snort them"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(0)

(Ralphie)		The Steelers' new 80th anniversary uniforms are a Black Bart throwback  (wtae.com)	(105)
		When dealing with a "possessed" baby, do you: A) call Max von Sydow, B) call the Ghostbusters, or C) strip half naked and try to throw the child in the ocean?  (wtsp.com)	(68)
		The three most frightening words you'll read today: Mayor Kim Kardashian  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(39)
		Day 7: Two teams look to even things up, while one series gets a change of scenery. FLA/NJD @ 7, NSH/DET @ 7:30, and PHX/CHI @ 9:00 EDT. It's your Stanley Cup Discussion Thread  (nhl.com)	(√-1)
		ESPN has a three-hour special tonight about the release of the NFL Schedule, because there are no other sports going on right now  (nj.com)	(153)
		♪ I got picked in the draft about number two ♫ And I yelled to the reporters, "Yo guys, got stuff to do" ♪ Looked at my kingdom I was ready you see ♫ To sit on my throne as the Prince of DC ♪  (washingtonpost.com)	(27)
		Seriously, who throws a scooter at a car?  (pennlive.com)	(40)
(Pajiba)		Before he was Tyrion Lannister's grizzled sellsword on "Game of Thrones," the man who plays Bron used to be one of Simon Cowell's lame British pop stars  (pajiba.com)	(88)
		Official Tuesday Morning discussion thread of super fun excitement and wonder  (fark.com)	(298)
		After getting a new,huge contract this off-season, Tim Lincecum throws third straight no-hitter....just kidding, he's 0-2 with an ERA of 10.54 and still needs a haircut  (sfgate.com)	(169)
(Some Guy)		The wife of the man who threw her out of the car, kidnapped his children, led police on a chase, and is still wanted? She's pregnant. She's also a fugitive  (1035superx.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		Woman applies for job at bar, sticks around for three tequila shots, forgets her 5-year-old is in the car, and is dragged off calling police officer a "slut." No word yet if she is hired  (news-journalonline.com)	(47)

(Some Guy)		One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, eight, dang; One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ten, dang; Ah, the heck with it. 595,000  (theworld.org)	(12)
		Barney Frank begins process of throwing Obama under the bus  (nationaljournal.com)	(199)
		It's your daily Stanley Cup Playoff thread, "Now With More Violence" edition. NYR vs OTT, BOS vs WSH @ 7:30ET, STL vs SJS @ 10ET  (nhl.com)	(1411)
		Hockey 101: If you throw a high hit to the head during the course of a play, that's a three game suspension. If you headlock an opponent unwilling to fight and then sucker punch him eight times to the face, that's only one  (espn.go.com)	(201)
		Congratulations El Salvador, you just had your first murder-free day in almost three years  (news.yahoo.com)	(59)

		Professor McGonagall is leaving Downton Abbey after series three, will undoubtedly look for a place that knows how to spell Downtown  (deadline.com)	(54)
		Same-sex couple now on the same health insurance plan through a school district upset that they have to pay $35 in taxes for said insurance out of every check because they are gay  (desmoinesregister.com)	(201)
(Some Guy)		Will Ferrari bounce back, can Red Bull win a race, can more insanity happen? It's your official Chinese Grand Prix discussion thread, 2:30 AM EST on Speed  (speedtv.com)	(383)

		Senator Orrin Hatch (R-eally pissed) is "doggone offended" by "radical libertarians," threatens to punch them in the mouth. Ah, the sound of a neo-con where the tea party is challenging his incumbency  (reason.com)	(232)
		Bear Grylls is one literal guy, throws first pitch at Dodgers game and really brings the heat  (youtube.com)	(33)
		The producers of The Walking Dead reflect on a very different season two and what we can expect from season three. "We wanted to kill Herschel, but it wouldn't have done anything for us"  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(150)
(Some Guy)		When a Craigslist posting starts with "If you're a dude with a red Mohawk who recently got lucky at a Motörhead/Megadeth concert in the bathroom at the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago..." you know it's going to end up on Fark  (technolog.msnbc.msn.com)	(139)

(Some Guy)		Bellator 65 and UFC on Fuel TV 2 C-C-C-COMBO thread. We start at 7pm with Bellator and the Bantamweight title. Saturday at noon Gustafsson and Silva headline the UFC's debut in Sweden. All times eastern, all times suck for the west coast  (ufc.com)	(482)
		Let's be honest; there's only one game anyone cares about today, the first Cubs/Cardinals showdown of the season. The World Series champs take on Chicago's chumps at 2:15 Central. It's today's Official MLB Discussion thread  (espn.go.com)	(189)
		The latest threat to the moral well being of the Chinese people? Kate Winslet's 3D boobies  (dailymail.co.uk)	(41)

		Following last night's preliminary skirmishes, tonight it devolves into open warfare. Sens/Rags @ 7:00, Caps/Bruins @ 7:30, Sharks/Blues @ 7:30, and Blackhawks/Coyotes @ 10:30 (EDT). Day 2 Stanley Cup Playoff Discussion Thread  (nhl.com)	(π)
		Apparently supermarkets haven't thought their cunning plan to save money by firing cashiers and replacing them with self-scanning stations all the way through  (news.yahoo.com)	(171)
		Heartless creep zips six puppies into his suitcase and throws it in the garbage. Fortunately for the puppies, he seems to be about as intelligent as President Skroob when it comes to his luggage  (nydailynews.com)	(60)
		As it turns out, Fox DID know who the mole was, and has already fired him for leaking damaging secrets about the state of the Fox News bathrooms  (abcnews.go.com)	(79)
		Sarah Palin's political action committee raised $388,000 in the first three months of the year, but it spent $418,000 and didn't give a dime to any candidates. So basically, it's functioning as intended  (politico.com)	(111)
		Eighty-nine bags of drugs hanging off your schlong is no way to go through life  (philly.com)	(58)

		THIS is why the airplane bathroom is always out of toilet paper  (gizmodo.com)	(77)
(Some Guy)		"You are in contempt of court because you showed your butt in court," a visibly irate Bush told Ramsey. "You can spend three days in jail. When you get out you can buy pants that fit"  (montgomeryadvertiser.com)	(230)
		Liverpool has a chance to stop its skid on Tuesday, while Arsenal, United, and City all are challenged with fence-swingers on Wednesday. Nothing more pleasant than a midweek EPL Discussion Thread  (bbc.co.uk)	(274)
(Some Guy)		On my wy home 2 c u. B thre... OMG BEAR. #Pavement  (940winz.com)	(37)

(Some Guy)		Demonstrating how the Catch And Release program works in New Hampshire, Man gets two DUIs in three hours. That's dedication  (wmur.com)	(19)
		Cable TV costs rising at an average of 6% a year for the few people who don't call and threaten to cancel every six months  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)	(290)
		HBO renews Game of Thrones for Season 3. Hodor reacted to the news by saying "Hodor"  (hitfix.com)	(319)
		In the interest of starting a pleasant and cordial thread, here's this week's Foxsports MLB Power Rankings  (msn.foxsports.com)	(158)
		Man returns from trip, finds "hidden cellphones" and confronts the wife. The wife grabs a knife and threatens to kill self, their kids, and the husband, maybe even in that order. Is this where I toss in the word Aristocrats?  (tcpalm.com)	(107)
(CBS Baltimore)		Three Maryland educators step forward as the real Mega Millions winners. You can stop checking your Happy Meals now, the ticket isn't really hidden inside McDonald's after all  (baltimore.cbslocal.com)	(169)
		Irate customer decides to play drive through demolition derby in car dealership showroom  (liveleak.com)	(52)
(Barrow Patch)		Man tells police woman used his bathroom then repaid the favor by helping herself to ham, pork chops and bacon from his refrigerator before leaving  (barrow.patch.com)	(52)

		The Three Stooges are hosting WWE Monday Night Raw, because that's the best way to follow up the return of Brock Lesnar. Hopefully, Bret Hart will smack Will Sasso around again and tell him to quit pretending to be Curly. 9 PM on USA  (examiner.com)	(1687)
(Record Searchlight)		"At around 6:45 a.m. deputies were called to a home... for a report of at least three men in women's clothing in some sort of argument"  (redding.com)	(69)

		Lawrence Cobbold has filled every room in his three-bedroom house with a 21,600-strong collection of bird ornaments. Why yes ladies, he is single  (mirror.co.uk)	(64)
(some worried dad)		Farker's daughter did not come home several nights ago. He is hoping that Farkers will have a heart and contact the police if they've seen her (thread updated 04/07/12)  (abc27.com)	(too many)
		Teachers threaten to boycott standardized tests for five year olds  (bbc.co.uk)	(71)
(The Masters)		A tight field of vets and young guns, completely ideal weather, and the roar of the crowd reverberating out of Amen Corner. A perfect start to spring with your official Masters Sunday discussion thread  (masters.com)	(605)
		Neil Patrick Harris was almost in Friends. Fortunately, he passed on the offer and managed to have a stellar career instead, unlike the three guys in Friends  (popwatch.ew.com)	(153)
		Can Tottenham close the gap on third? Can Liverpool break out of their downward slide? Can Blackburn keep away from relegation? All this plus United and City both in action for the title race in this week's Premier League thread  (bbc.co.uk)	(343)

		It's David v. Goliath. It's Been-There-Done That v. Never-Been. It's Ferris State v. Boston College. It's your NCAA Men's Ice Hockey Championship Game thread. (7 ET on ESPN2)  (usatoday.com)	(57)
		Awesome-police-blotter fans, say hello to the Dutch Harbor Telegraph of Alaska, home to "Officer watched three extremely intoxicated and giggling louts urinate on the road, on themselves, on one another, and on a taxi"  (npr.org)	(31)
		Dual no-hitter/perfect game in progress through five innings between Indians and Blue Jays  (scores.espn.go.com)	(187)
		Fewer Pennsylvania bikers enjoying the feeling of the curb running through their hair  (readingeagle.com)	(131)

		"Brutal Scrotum Attack". Three words that do not go well together, even if you do have a band  (thesmokinggun.com)	(75)
(Some Guy)		Not news: Profits of well-known phone manufacturer with three-letter name continue to nosedive. Fark: For once, it's not RIM  (electronista.com)	(32)
		Hot anthropology professor Kat Denning looks at aliens from perspective of scientists, engineers, Trekkers, other nerds. Yes, Stephen Hawking's "Columbus vs. Native Americans" analogy is mentioned, but inexplicably shot down  (wired.com)	(113)
(Asheville Citizen-Times)		86'd patron returns to bar with a butcher knife and kills three in stabbing rampage. Fark: victim's brother and bar patrons save couple from attack, kill perp. So now the DA's charging the brother, ta-daa  (citizen-times.com)	(215)
		Delta looks to buy oil refinery for hundreds of millions of dollars--or about three weeks of baggage fees, sandwich sales and reservation change charges  (marketday.msnbc.msn.com)	(20)

		There's 14 games tonight and we may know who the 16 teams to play in the Stanley Cup Playoffs are by the end of the night. That's reason enough for a hockey thread, right? (Puck drop- 7pm EDT)  (grantland.com)	(306)
		Captain America will return to throw his mighty shield on 3 April 2014  (deadline.com)	(90)
		Three SNL cast members who obviously have never watched a Chevy Chase movie will quit to pursue film careers  (nydailynews.com)	(156)
		Opening Day is Best Day: It's your official MLB Opening Day thread  (mlb.mlb.com)	(411)
(Some Guy)		Threatening the president will get you a $250,000 fine, five years in jail, no bail, a mental exam, and funny lips  (thedaleygator.wordpress.com)	(80)
		That's it, I'm sleeping in, submitting, then throwing up in the sink  (businessnewsdaily.com)	(14)

		Fox News anchor who tweeted claim that Obama threatened Chelsea Clinton's life over Hillary's birth certificate investigation is sorry and assures us that she respects the legitimacy of "President" Bongfart Insane O'Taxus  (mediamatters.org)	(174)
		Today's erroneous troll headline that requires no editing: "Mad Men is better than Game of Thrones"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(195)
		I know you guys are sick of hearing about the Vegas Fark Party, but this one contains [OMGOMGOMG] Dinosaurs. LGT original thread  (fark.com)	(152)
		Spain's economy craters after enacting most severe austerity in three decades. Clearly, more budget cuts will solve their problems  (guardian.co.uk)	(207)
		Game of Thrones characters matched up with real life boxers makes for a surprisingly good, crazy fit  (sports.yahoo.com)	(21)
		Why did Angelina adopt three kids?  (voices.yahoo.com)	(24)
		22-year-old man with condition causing him to look extremely young attempts to buy beer. Rather than informing the clerk of his condition, he opts to be outraged when the staff doubts his ID and throws a big enough tantrum to end up in jail  (wsbtv.com)	(188)
(Some Guy)		"I smear you with the mark of the disgraceful blackface", "The sugar truck's clear, God I miss my other three fingers" and five other universal hand gestures you're getting wrong  (weirdworm.com)	(23)

		Video of today's massive Texas tornado throwing 18-wheelers hundreds of yards through the air  (reuters.com)	(48)
		Forty-three brain-teasers for baseball fanatics. Answers at end of quiz  (nypost.com)	(83)
		Fox News anchor will have to take Obama at his word that he didn't threaten Chelsea Clinton's life so Hilary would keep quiet about the fact that he was born in Kenya and faked his birth certificate  (mediamatters.org)	(334)
		Milan just drew level at Barca, the krauts lead the frogs, and Fark has now thread for this? I am disappoint  (soccernet.espn.go.com)	(33)
		Since PM Sweatervest put his foot on the throats of Canadian government scientists, media coverage of global warming has fallen 80% according to a leaked Environment Canada internal document  (newscientist.com)	(57)
		Deputy pulls over car with three men, finds 220-pound heifer in backseat. Your Mom claims her car simply ran out of gas and they were just giving her a ride  (sun-sentinel.com)	(20)
		The quest for quality of life may one day dethrone New York and London, writes wishful thinking journalist who has never lived in flyover country  (slate.com)	(41)
(WTHR)		You're the director of a local YMCA and want to perform a safety drill. Do you a) sound the fire alarm and exit calmly, b) call a meeting, c) run wildly through the building posing as an armed, masked intruder?  (wthr.com)	(43)
(Some Guy)		It's always a good day when you purchase a $12,000 Picasso print for $14 at a thrift store  (cleveland.cbslocal.com)	(48)

(CBS Sports)		Kansas and Kentucky have combined for 10 titles, 20 title game appearances, and over 4100 victories between them - Cinderella they are not. It's your NCAA Men's Championship thread  (cbssports.com)	(895)
		Six dead, three wounded in shooting at Christian college in Oakland  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(348)
		Our father, who art into gay porn, on a USB stick with autoplay. Thy people come, they see your dong, on a screen in front of the brethren  (gizmodo.com)	(131)
		Scientists announce major breakthrough in the field copying small footstool models into large footstools made out of sand. Exactly why copying footstool models is important remains unclear  (physorg.com)	(15)
		Child killings, incestuous colonies and poor casting decisions all make for a controversial start to the new season of "Game of Thrones"  (mtv.com)	(216)
(Some Responsible Adult)		School bus driver gets 2 DUIs in 17 hours, eats thirty sack lunches, threatens to turn bus around, end precious field trip  (wtae.com)	(27)

		Administration lawyers are concerned about an activist Supreme Court. Reagan Administration lawyers. And they are worried that an activist court will throw out Obamacare  (latimes.com)	(225)
		Watch this 13-year-old kid play Emerson, Lake and Palmer's "Trilogy", devoting more expression to three and a half minutes than you've ever managed to squeeze out of your entire, miserable, self-absorbed life  (youtube.com)	(26)
		Federal Court throws out FEC rules that allowed super-PAC donors to remain anonymous. At least now we'll get to learn the names of our government's owners  (huffingtonpost.com)	(119)
		Fred Durst threatens to fire the original members of Limp Bizkit. It's so cute how he thinks anyone gives a damn  (tmz.com)	(74)
		Yet another cop threatens to tase and arrest someone for filming with their phone in public  (youtube.com)	(125)
		Can Chelsea and Newcastle keep pace with Spurs? Can Mancini's band of morons keep pace with red-hot United? Can Fulham score a goal? It's your weekend EPL thread  (bbc.co.uk)	(276)

		You might be lucky if: you fall off your bike in cardiac arrest and three doctors including a cardiologist are riding behind you  (cbc.ca)	(37)
		The Bluegrass Battle. The Tilt Between the Twos. It's your 2012 Final Four thread  (espn.go.com)	(493)
(Some P2P)		French anti-piracy "three-strikes" law responsible for cutting illegal downloads in half last year, leading to a huge boost in French music sales. Just kidding, sales are down 4%  (torrentfreak.com)	(66)
		"What Game of Thrones can teach us about fatherhood." That's like getting marital advice from Curb Your Enthusiasm or career advice from Extras  (salon.com)	(124)
		Kate Winslet's appeal has achieved new heights, "Celine Dion's 'Titanic' song makes me want to throw up"  (omg.yahoo.com)	(115)
(QC Online)		The oldest man in the United States, Shelby Harris, celebrates his 111th birthday today. Hopefully the nursing home doesn't throw him a surprise party  (qconline.com)	(23)

(Naples Daily News)		71-year-old woman arrested for standing her ground, shooting at three intruders in her house who shot back, wounding her. Who cares if intruders were deputy sheriffs on a welfare check? It was self-defense  (naplesnews.com)	(246)
		Mother distraught over son being fat, lazy, uneducated ... and completely happy. Apparently, it IS a good way to go through life  (slate.com)	(135)
		"Ninjutsu is practiced by some three thousand women throughout Iran" (includes pic of what some hittable Iranian lady ninjas might look like)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(69)

		Mental Floss uses real FARK stories in their own "FARK or Three's Company?" quiz  (mentalfloss.com)	(50)
		Things not to try and bring past TSA (a) 5 oz of liquid, (b) scissors, (c) a vial with a fuse, a plastic bottle filled with explosive powder and three M-80 type fireworks  (abcnews.go.com)	(27)
		Norwegian minister of international development says role playing can save the world. Saving throw against global economic meltdown = failed  (neatorama.com)	(16)

		Great grandma may sue Justin Bieber over errant Tweet, throwing the newspaper on her lawn  (myfoxdfw.com)	(23)
(itworld.com)		Former U.S. cyber-security chief and author of "Cyberwar" warns of cyberattacks launched by coming Asian cyberthreat "Every major U.S. company has been hacked by China." Cyber  (itworld.com)	(109)
		You know how Spike Lee retweeted George Zimmerman's home address to his 250,000 followers? Well, the unrelated elderly couple that lives there and has been forced to move due to death threats would like to have a few words  (foxnews.com)	(653)
(Some Guy)		Man scrawls a huge painted death threat across garage door. "According to the Police Department, he is not breaking the law. The city is not allowed to regulate what people paint on their homes"  (kens5.com)	(102)
(KTVQ)		Christ misses court hearing, expected to show up in three days  (ktvq.com)	(32)

		Coachless New Orleans Saints throw a Hail Mary to Bill Parcells  (espn.go.com)	(80)
		'Octomom' poses topless three years after eight-baby pregnancy and OH GOD, MY EYES (Not safe for work pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(151)

		"All heavy data users fear the FAP. The FAP means that you will be throttled with a fury"  (news.cnet.com)	(59)
		Try to bring fruit or sausage through JFK Airport from overseas, and Izzy the beagle will bust you adorably  (news.yahoo.com)	(100)
(Some Guy)		Woman charged with road rage on grounds she threw coffee into open window of another car  (y100.com)	(84)
		Naked drunk driver rolls 4WD, loses saving throw against police  (smh.com.au)	(34)
		"Speaker Gingrich is clearly in the last throes of his political career. And you can make a decision to go out with some shred of dignity or say irresponsible, reckless things ... he's clearly chosen the latter path"  (washingtonpost.com)	(181)
		Did anyone else see The Hunger Games this weekend? What did you think? (Warning: possible spoilers in thread)  (imdb.com)	(432)
		Three reasons to uphold Obamacare  (forbes.com)	(45)
		Three reasons to overturn Obamacare  (forbes.com)	(34)
		Noah apologizes for throwing ball at ref after deluge of fouls, promises it will never happen again  (espn.go.com)	(13)

(Boomstick Comics)

Did Joan have her baby? Did Don and Megan tie the knot? Did Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Price finally get a big account? Here's your Mad Men season 5 premiere discussion thread. The thrills begin at 8 central on AMC  (boomstickcomics.com)

(147)

		TSA arrests Montana man going through airport security with ONE loaded handgun, AH-AH-AH... TWO loaded handguns, AH-AH-AH... THREE loaded handguns, AH-AH-AH... FOUR loaded handguns, AH-AH-AH  (usatoday.com)	(134)
		130 episodes of The Simpsons, running simultaneously side-by-side for three minutes and 20 seconds. Why? Why not?  (youtube.com)	(28)
		The Weekly Standard notes that Obama used the same metaphor to praise three different allies. Obviously this makes Ernest Hemingway retroactively president, and Obama has to take remedial Creative Writing at community college in Kenya  (weeklystandard.com)	(113)

		Friday night NCAA basketball discussion thread -- the when the hell did Baylor get a contending athletic program edition  (fark.com)	(314)
		People, forging IDs, disturbing the peace, resisting arrest and thieving is no way to go through life. But it will land you in this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com)	(117)
		19-year old entrepreneur has developed a thriving business selling a product that retails for hundreds of dollars and ounce, but unlike most people who fit this description, he has no fear of the DEA kicking in his front door  (news.yahoo.com)	(117)
		Beautiful gang of sperm hunting women terrorizing male hitchhikers, which is even more amazing than when Michael Jackson came over to your house to use the bathroom  (news24.com)	(124)
		Forget sex, women want you to cook them dinner, clean the bathroom and mop the floor  (myfoxdc.com)	(172)
		Tebow must wait three days before his ascension to the Jets  (espn.go.com)	(52)

		Panini America debuts the trading card showing Tim Tebow throwing a pass in Jets uniform for their May 2012 card release. It looks 'shopped, I can tell by the pixels and by having seen lots of 'shops  (espn.go.com)	(47)
(Irritable Bowel Disorder)		I've read this three times and still have absolutely no idea why I'm supposed to be outraged, but rest assured it means Sarah Palin is automatically president and Obama has to perform some Herculean or embarrassing task  (news.investors.com)	(61)
(FiFi)		Judge asks defendant what the fark the guy's poodle was doing in his court. Man threatens to burn down the courthouse and the judge in it if he doesn't back off asking poodle questions (take the fifth, FiFi)  (kbkw.com)	(65)

		Bonus midweek EPL thread, featuring Spurs, Arsenal, Liverpool and a massive El Plastico clash between Man City and Chelsea  (bbc.co.uk)	(122)
		While only giving your children bottled water may prevent Obama from controlling their minds through the neuro-socialist transmitters contained within fluoride, it can also make them more susceptible to cavities. Ah, well, life's a balance  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com)	(133)
		Remember the story about the jerk who ruined a for-fun beer darts league? (LGT original thread) Well, the jerk behind it is now targeting a Farker (DIT)  (fark.com)	(1283)
		In an attempt to keep up with highly competitive industry standards, United Airlines announces three-day San Francisco to Shanghai route. Better pack a lunch or two  (katu.com)	(45)
		Watch a blond try to reason through how long it will take to travel 80 miles while driving at a rate of 80 mph. Difficulty: involve running time, vehicle weight, tire pressure and "whacking it in half"  (youtube.com)	(100)

		Will Santorum be awash in defeat? Will Romney sweep the state? Will voters remember Gingrich and the other guy? It's your official Illinois Primary discussion thread. No word on who the dead will vote for  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(200)
		Since they didn't go through all the trouble of making those fancy graphics for nothing, NFL Network is now on Tebow stock watch since Manning has signed  (nfl.com)	(219)
(Some Guy)		The most censored words on the Chinese internet. I'm not sure what a 'Three-color cat' is or what it did, but it MUST be bad  (disinfo.com)	(59)
		Dr. Ur identifies ancient sites in modern Syria and Iran thru satellite imagery, will continue looking this Sumer  (bbc.co.uk)	(21)
(Some Sipper)		If you've been eagerly awaiting the day when you can drink water filtered through panda dung, now is your time  (nbcchicago.com)	(27)

		Apple sold over three million of its new iPad over the weekend. That plucky little company just might make it  (uproxx.com)	(158)
		If you've been killing people in video games since you were 2 it will help prepare you for the cutthroat world of Corporate America  (kansas.com)	(53)
		Al Qaeda now recruiting wheelchair-bound three-year-olds in body casts  (boingboing.net)	(189)
		Mets and Madoff agree to $162 million deal with a three-year club option  (espn.go.com)	(14)
		Three new videos released for Prometheus, the movie Charlize Theron says is "the prequel to Thelma and Louise"  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(97)
(Some Guy)		Drunk robber with no pants throws vice grips at homeowners. Then it gets weird  (wmur.com)	(18)
		Three years into the Most Transparent Administration Ever, how many states get an "A" grade for transparency, accountability, and low corruption? How does "zero" sound? And you'll never guess who actually ranks highest  (foxnews.com)	(91)

		Who will live? Who will die? Will they finally get off the godawful farm and actually do something? It's your Walking Dead season 2 finale discussion thread. The brain-chomping action starts at 8PM Central on AMC  (bostonherald.com)	(673)
		British gay marriage law means 'there could be two Queens' on the throne  (thesun.co.uk)	(143)
		So what if your bracket is totally hosed? It's all about the games, right? Here's your Sunday "brackets be damned" NCAA tournament discussion thread  (rivals.yahoo.com)	(330)
		Not news: police have to stop a European soccer match when crowd gets out of control, burning flares and throwing all manner of things on the field. Fark: at an under-8 kids' game  (liveleak.com)	(26)
		If you're not too drunk to type yet, here's this weekend's EPL and FA Cup Quarterfinals thread  (bbc.co.uk)	(154)

Saturday's NCAA my bracket's blown to hell discussion thread. Duke sucks  (fark.com)

(371)

(Bellator)		Friday night fight thread for Bellator 61. Middleweight Quarterfinals and four other interesting match ups. First fights start at 7pm ET  (bellator.com)	(128)
		Teen that got three DUIs in less than three weeks has a series of mugshots that tell a story of triumph, betrayal and despair  (wptv.com)	(170)
(viral footage)		Kid hits three-run homer during an intentional walk  (viralfootage.com)	(114)
		MN Senate Majority leader has affair with staffer, staffer is fired. Staffer now suing for being fired for gender; threatens to release names of other staffers having affairs with legislators. Diffculty: Guess party and genders involved   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(54)
(NCAA.com)		It's your Friday NCAA tournament discussion thread. Watch your brackets blow up in real time right here  (ncaa.com)	(835)
		Man throws bowling ball, strikes teenager in face. Mark it zero  (buffalonews.com)	(53)
		MacGruder uses three hairs, a dog collar, and a tea kettle whistle to defeat Southern Miss. And 30 points  (sports.espn.go.com)	(12)
		Words like "epic" and "troll" get thrown about on the internet far too casually these days, but for Turkish soccer fans; using flares at their games is serious business  (youtube.com)	(29)
		RIAA says major ISPs set to turn into copyright police by July, throttling bandwidth and cutting off internet access to customers who are suspected of downloading copyrighted content illegally  (digitaltrends.com)	(254)

		TLC to air show about woman who drinks her own urine through her mouth, nose, and eyes. Talk about yellow journalism  (gawker.com)	(126)
		As Kansas State's Angel Rodriguez went to the free throw line, Southern Mississippi's marching band chanted "Where's your green card?" In other news, Ole Miss is only the second most backward university in Mississippi   (andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com)	(64)
		Teen gets busted for throwing a party while her parents are out of town when her dad remotely checks on the home's energy consumption. This never happened in a John Hughes' movie  (mnn.com)	(97)
(Some Guy)		Police in the UK who fail fitness tests could face a pay cut, inability to fire two guns whilst jumping through the air  (mix96.co.uk)	(71)
(Some Guy)		The highs, the lows, the lost productivity. It's your March Madness thread. Duke Sucks  (cbssports.com)	(759)
		Coyote bites three people in an Arizona neighborhood. Says they taste like roadrunner  (azfamily.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)		Not news: Scientists send a coded message. News: Through 240 meters of solid stone. Cool: Using only neutrinos. You'll never guess the message they sent  (tgdaily.com)	(146)
		Brain cancer patient thrown out of hospital because she used her medication. News: It was medical marijuana. Fark: Hospital has a no-smoking policy  (huffingtonpost.com)	(244)
		Russell Brand grabbed a paparazzi's iPhone and threw it through an office window because c) it was a tribute to Steve Jobs  (tmz.com)	(43)

		Hollywood scrapes through bottom of the barrel as Garbage Pail Kids II enters planning stage  (laughingsquid.com)	(41)
(ktvb.com)		Bomb scare in trailer park threatens to cause tens of dollars in improvements  (ktvb.com)	(24)
		In the most thrilling procedural action since Cosmic Wars, Harry Reid pushed 17 judges forward in showdown with GOP  (dailykos.com)	(88)
		Local residents thrilled after police round up drug ring, arrest 30 dealers and confiscate drugs and firearms. Wait, did I say "thrilled"? I meant to say "pissed off"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(84)
		Redskins announcers begin practicing "Robert Griffin throws down field to Pierre Garcon, complete"  (espn.go.com)	(95)
		Teacher tells student to urinate in a bucket after refusing to give bathroom pass. Parents extremely pissed  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(135)
		If you suffer from asthma, bronchitis, ear-nose-throat illnesses, sinusitis, eczema, and/or psoriasis you need to spend time in a salt room lined with layers of salt from the Dead Sea  (azfamily.com)	(64)
		Derrick Rose criticizes NBA officials: "I've got to be the only superstar in the league that's going through what I'm going through right now." NBA officials to Derrick Rose: That will be $25,000  (nba.com)	(85)
(cbs sports)		As Luck would have it, Reggie Wayne signs new three-year deal with the Colts  (cbssports.com)	(78)
(Some Guy)		Three Words: Muppet film noir. Yes, it's actually by Henson Studios  (bleedingcool.com)	(50)

(Some Guy)		AZ Senate committee approves bill allowing employers to dig through their employees' medical records and fire them for sluttiness. To protect religious freedom, of course  (statepress.com)	(522)
(Some Guy)		19-year-old arrested for throwing a Molotov cocktail at his mom. Mother's Day is going to be awkward this year  (cantonrep.com)	(20)
		The Navy has taught robots how to throw grenades. I'm torn between amused and scared  (cnn.com)	(34)
		In case you didn't know, when a man and a woman love each other - that love turns into a baby - and after nine months, the woman tells the man to get down on his knees and suck the baby out through her belly button AGHHHHHHHH (w/ video)  (myfoxdc.com)	(143)
(Bangor Daily News)		Max Security inmate breaks out of cell, cell block, and through several checkpoints for sex with female inmate. With "worth a shot" pic of female inmate  (bangordailynews.com)	(72)

		If you picked "Spring Training" as the first time Ozzie Guillen would get thrown out of a 2012 game, step up and claim your prize  (sports.yahoo.com)	(20)
(Some Guy)		Gingrich has more actual conservative accomplishments than the other three remaining Republicans combined  (renewamerica.com)	(91)
		Newly discovered Three Stooges home video from 1938 is probably better than the one Hollywood is giving us this year. With added music and sound effects it doesn't get any better than this  (youtube.com)	(51)
		What happens when everyone has a lie detector app on their phone and no one can lie about anything ever again? Has anyone thought this through?  (physorg.com)	(65)

		Here's your complete guide to the 2012 television pilots. Unfortunately, by the time you are finished reading most will already be cancelled  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(116)
		Can City hold on to the top of the table? Can Arsenal hold on to a CL spot? How many goals will Pavel Pogrebnyak score this week? All this plus two huge relegation battles in this week's EPL thread  (bbc.co.uk)	(237)

		The most detailed map of the Game of Thrones world yet  (io9.com)	(27)
		Each of four pro-pot groups trying for a legalization referendum this year wants you to know that they're the real thing and the other three groups are conspiring against them  (latimes.com)	(104)
		Jets' Mark Sanchez signs three-year contract extension. New York immediately removes all signs of Peyton Place  (nypost.com)	(116)
(Some Guy)		Elderly farmer tells three thieves to stay off his farm. Three star onion belt indeed  (petoskeynews.com)	(21)
		Teen smoking now in epidemic proportions. One in four high school students now smokes regularly, the other three just like to light up after having sex with their teacher  (baltimoresun.com)	(101)

(Bellator)		Friday night fight thread for Bellator 60. Featherweight tournament quarterfinals and championship fight between challenger Pat Curran and champion Joe Warren. (8:00 p.m. ET on MTV 2, in HD on EPIX)  (bellator.com)	(194)
		White House, 2010: We are SHOCKED that the USDA fired poor Shirley Sherrod. FOIA request, 2012: White House intimately involved in selecting the make and model of the bus she'd be thrown under  (politico.com)	(84)
		What do you call a boy who has to stoop on a bathroom floor for nine hours a day as punishment for misbehavior? Neil  (clickorlando.com)	(69)
		Woman sues US Cellular after claiming her coworkers routinely looked for nude pictures on phones and created a "hostile working environment," three words which translate into lawyer-speak as "KA-CHING"  (qctimes.com)	(26)
(Some Guy)		If you get busted for growing 18 cannabis plants next door to police station but are released, that doesn't mean you have free license to grow three times that amount  (thisisnottingham.co.uk)	(4)
		The biggest threat to the 250-year-old Faber-Castell pens and pencils business is not the Internet or computer games, but lack of time children now have to draw and write and paint  (smh.com.au)	(22)
		"Look at the nail on your pinky finger: Every second, about 65 billion neutrinos pass through it. Almost all were produced inside the giant nuclear reactor in our sun's belly"  (wired.com)	(33)
(Art Info)		ArtInfo.com thanks FARK for the tip about the three "Star Wars" prequels and lists it as one of the 5 important film events of the week  (artinfo.com)	(0)
(WHDH)		Boys engage in friendly game of "seeing who could throw a large rock the farthest". What could possibly go wrong?  (www1.whdh.com)	(52)

(Some Guy)		Pro Tip: When calling in a fake bomb threat to get out of a test, it's best NOT to use your own cell phone  (kptv.com)	(17)
(Syracuse.com)		Aaron Sorkin will deliver commencement speech at Syracuse University this Spring. The speech will be delivered during a walking tour through campus hallways and include a lengthy aside about a Gilbert and Sullivan musical  (syracuse.com)	(28)
(Some Guy)		Stallone explains his long-standing feud with Arnie: "I took this bouquet of flowers and threw it on him like, 'It's on, pal'"  (www2.macleans.ca)	(60)
		Being drunk in a Wendy's drive through and telling the workers that you just saved them from being robbed by three imaginary people will not get you a free burger. It does, however, get you a free jail cell  (wptv.com)	(25)
		Pregnant Snooki learns three new words: Fetal alcohol syndrome  (dailymail.co.uk)	(164)
		Having a bad day? Well at least you didn't get a $600 speeding ticket for going 14 miles over the limit, threaten to kill an officer and crash into a tree during the saddest police chase ever  (wptv.com)	(37)
		After three years, Lehman Brothers emerges from bankruptcy. Company hopes to now achieve delicate balance between business irresponsibility and corporate fraud  (reuters.com)	(15)
		Sweden: where the populace is beautiful and well-educated, and only occasionally do you get teenagers jumping onto your hood and stabbing a sword through your windshield  (thelocal.se)	(40)
		Teen is banned from throwing ________ at people. A) Rocks. B) Poop. C) Snowballs  (thesun.co.uk)	(55)

		Challenge: Keep your nipples from getting rock hard. Difficulty: Watch this new Game of Thrones trailer  (youtube.com)	(228)
		Weird Prosthetics through time. (Bonus: It's not a slide show)  (bbc.co.uk)	(46)
		Can Arsenal pull off a miracle at the Emirates? Will Zenit try to sneak Arshavin into the match? Could any of us even find Nicosia on a map? All that, plus some Spanish team plays some German team. It's your midweek Champions League thread  (bbc.co.uk)	(242)
		Robbing churches while running around in a tutu and tights with your junk hanging out is no way to go through life, son  (utsandiego.com)	(29)
		Parks & Rec films two season finales to throw everyone off the scent of whether or not Leslie Knope wins the election  (deadline.com)	(44)
		Sadly, not a joke or fakeout: "How To Get Anything Through TSA Nude Body Scanners"  (youtube.com)	(49)
		Photo shows face peeking through clouds that even atheists can see  (mysuncoast.com)	(134)
		Michigan State University to offer class on how to survive the upcoming zombie apocalypse. In other news, your Dad is taking a third job to help pay your way through school  (mnn.com)	(68)
		Badass three-year-old escapes from daycare after scaling seven foot tall spiked fence, making plans for next year's conquest of K2  (dailyrecord.co.uk)	(55)

(Some Carl Sagan Guy)		The Oldebayer Memorial Thread  (carlsagan.com)	(338)
		It's do or die for Romney, Santorum, the fat troll, and the old guy with the big ears as Super Tuesday is here. So grab your capes, power rings, and golden lassos for the Super Tuesday Discussion Thread  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(1701)
		When questioned about the arrest, officers cited that the suspect repeatedly called them all a bunch of poopieheads and, like, totally threatened to talk about them on Facebook and stuff  (denverpost.com)	(194)
		Alien invaders threaten Antarctic. This is not a repeat from 2011, 1982, 1951  (bbc.co.uk)	(50)
		Remember that three-year-old McNugget that looks like George Washington? It sold on eBay for $8,100. Subby's spending the day doing a BBQ sauce portrait of Teddy farking Roosevelt  (shortlist.com)	(19)
		India's unexpected ban on cotton exports leaves traders hanging by a thread  (blogs.marketwatch.com)	(14)
		Man tells cops that The Devil's bicycle riding co-worker threatened to chop off his head. Initially skeptical, police concede it's possible because, hey, this is South Florida  (blogs.tcpalm.com)	(10)
		Someone at Fox invented a time machine and warned their past selves how shiatty Terra Nova was  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(113)

		This is a fake thread. Please post fake things in it  (fark.com)	(591)
		Leaving your three-year-old at Chuck E Cheese is a mistake. Not realizing she was gone until you saw the report about a missing kid on the news is just farking dumb  (abc2news.com)	(67)
		Very good: Three teachers pass a student. Very bad: Three teachers pass around a student  (dailymail.co.uk)	(100)
		Scientists make another breakthrough in the ability to borgify our brains, UN moves to add zombies to endangered species list  (sciencedaily.com)	(16)
		The Simpsons, a la "Game of Thrones"  (io9.com)	(27)

		The biggest film debut of 2012 is now The Lorax, which has raked in $70 million in three days  (insidemovies.ew.com)	(90)
		LGN. Celebrating Daughter's 11th Bday today. If I never get another green in my life please green this with happy birthday messages. Printing out thread for scrapbook  (fark.com)	(488)
		What if Disney made Game of Thrones?  (io9.com)	(78)
		Actual headline: Medical breakthrough: Hope for people that smell like fish  (wlsam.com)	(60)
		Will Jimmie Johnson get out of the negatives? Will Juablo one up himself by taking out the pace car? Will Krashalotski tweet while driving? It's your Subway Fresh Fit 500K discussion thread from Phoenix, live on FOX @ 3 PM EST  (nascar.com)	(491)
(Some Crocus pic)		Time for a garden thread. Who's got crocus already? Strarted your seeds yet? Any major landscaping projects lined up?  (i222.photobucket.com)	(284)
		Can Spurs bounce back after their collapse against Arsenal? Can Liverpool use their Cup win to springboard them into a CL spot? Two huge fixtures highlight this week's ELP thread, with LFC v Arsenal on Saturday and Spurs v Man U on Sunday  (dailymail.co.uk)	(425)

		Woman is fined £75 for littering after a thread falls off her glove. What's next? Environmental cleanup fees for leaving skin cells behind?  (mirror.co.uk)	(75)
		Woman born 'intersex' changes gender three times. And yes, she's hot (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(141)

(Some Fight Card)		UFC on FX: Alves vs. Kampmann discussion thread. Great card, plus the Flyweight tournament semifinals. Fights start at 6pm ET on FUEL  (ufc.com)	(342)
(Weather.com)		Jim Cantore is in Lexington. Could this be the end of Fark? Midwest tornado outbreak thread  (weather.com)	(516)
		Kicking a football through the goalposts can get you three points. Kicking a kitten through the goalposts can get you three months  (dailymail.co.uk)	(156)
(Some Not Worried Guy)		Surprising everyone who lives there, everyone who's passed through & pretty much anyone who's ever heard of it, Cincinnati, OH is considered a 'hotspot of terrorism'  (wcpo.com)	(129)
		Price leads Montreal to comeback victory, with beauty save to clinch shootout win. Just kidding, they blew a three-goal lead with under four minutes left escaping with the W after Setoguchi tripped and fell on Minnesota's final shot  (tsn.ca)	(68)

(Billings Gazette)		Man faces assault charge for slapping and kicking a kid who threw snowball at his car. With "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?" mugshot  (billingsgazette.com)	(111)
(Some Guy)		Waldo The Movie might be the most action-packed thriller since Gandhi 2  (worldwideinterweb.com)	(18)
		Italy picks itself up off the grass, wipes away some fake tears and throws up its hands after losing for the first time ever to Team USA  (sports.yahoo.com)	(42)
		When you're rowing your cockboat through a sea of fine ass, you don't care if people think you're gay  (blog.chron.com)	(141)
(Some Guy)		Meet the new darling of the NFL Combine: three-year-old Grace Tautner  (guyism.com)	(11)
		NCAA issues warning to the Sioux. Threatens to send 7th Cavalry  (katu.com)	(61)
		So you really can't put a pic of a smoke coming out of a guy's throat on a package of cigarettes to discourage smokers from smoking cigarettes  (nytimes.com)	(60)

		Meth lab explodes in bathroom on college campus. I'm guessing the culprit wasn't a chemistry major  (desmoinesregister.com)	(65)
		You didn't really think the bird flu threat was going to go away without appointing a new superflu to take its place, did you?  (blog.trutv.com)	(36)
(Time To Sell?, Call My Cell)		If you're looking for new digs, Michael Jordan's got his fully furnished Chicago home for sale. 29 million gets you 32,000+ square feet, 9 bedrooms, 15 bathrooms, indoor basketball court and a 1 car garage. Wait, what?  (bairdwarner.com)	(38)
		News: Arizona couple arrested for soliciting three-way on Craigslist. Fark: With a dog  (azfamily.com)	(161)
		Having solved all the state's problems with education, budget, infrastructure and jobs, Louisiana seeks to ban straw holes for drive-through daiquiri stands  (wwl.com)	(96)
		All three Republican candidates are scheduled to appear on a roundtable with Mike Huckabee on FoxNews Saturday. Finally, we get to hear them speak  (thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com)	(57)
		Will a new coach and a new captain lead England over the Netherlands? Will France surrender to Germany? Will Mexico and Colombia turn into a shootout? Can the USA find victory over the Azzurri? This is your international soccer discussion thread  (bbc.co.uk)	(155)
		27 puppies born over span of three days. Fark needs an "ADORABLE" tag  (dailymail.co.uk)	(55)
		Apple is now worth more than Poland, at least three Rhode Islands  (money.cnn.com)	(20)

		Will the Mormons in Mesa and millionaires in Michigan help Romney regain status as the frontrunner? Can Santorum win in a Romney stronghold? Is Newt still in the race? Is RON PAUL still alive? Your Arizona and Michigan primary discussion thread  (cnn.com)	(739)
		Realizing that the Mets will have an uphill climb this year, ownership A) trades for a power-hitting outfielder, B) acquires a flame-throwing starter, C) buys players Underdog tee-shirts  (nydailynews.com)	(26)
		IBM researchers tout quantum computing breakthrough. Fark: Porn so fast ... uh, no, this really isn't about faster porn. Yet  (networkworld.com)	(13)
		84 year old driving instructor still going strong, has taught thousands of students to drive with blinker on, accelerate through farmers markets  (telegram.com)	(17)
		Police in Alberta looking for rustlers. Cut throats, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, con men, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, bull dykes, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists disheartened  (torontosun.com)	(79)
(Some Guy)		Okay. Now don't laugh. I can barely get through the sentence as it is...but...apparently, Rick Santorum robocalls are seeking Democrat support for him  (detroitnews.com)	(140)
		Not News: Team loses game after opponent hits 2 free throws after a technical foul. News: Technical was for storming the court with 1.1 seconds left. FARK: Against an 8-19 team  (washingtonpost.com)	(20)
		George Lucas doesn't approve every single piece of Star Wars merchandise; here are some rejected ideas that would actually be pretty cool. Who wouldn't want an inflatable replica of Emperor's throne?  (io9.com)	(94)
		Global warming sends 36 cars through the ice at Wisconsin fishing tournament  (myfoxdc.com)	(56)

(Weld)		Oh come on, these have to be intentional now, actual headline: Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way  (weldbham.com)	(90)
		It's okay to be convicted of three felony counts of voter fraud if you're the Republican Secretary of State and chief election official of Indiana  (salon.com)	(61)
		Three economists predict gloomy apocalyptic economic future...sadly, without Mel Gibson driving the last of the V8 Interceptors  (usatoday.com)	(74)
		Ladies and gentlemen, strap on your skates. It's your 2012 NHL Trade Deadline discussion thread  (nhl.com)	(341)
		People in glass economies shouldn't throw BRICs  (cnbc.com)	(9)
(Some Guy)		Those who thought they caught a flash of Jennifer Lopez's nipple through her sheer gown at the Oscars are a) extremely sad, lonely, people b) mistaken  (ivillage.com)	(24)
		Mitt Romney: "I have some great friends who are NASCAR team owners." At this point, it's almost like he's intentionally trying to throw this thing  (cbsnews.com)	(280)
		In today's college hoops, nothing much to see, just nine points scored in the final nine seconds with three lead changes and an amazing half-court buzzer beater in double overtime  (youtube.com)	(38)
		Three elementary school students expelled for playing the ol' "rat poison in the teacher's coffee" prank  (rawstory.com)	(61)

		Will Billy Crystal bring dignity and humor back to The Oscars? Will The Artist silently dominate? What will Ben Stiller dress up as this year? It's your Official Academy Awards Discussion Thread, 7:30 PM on ABC  (ew.com)	(2376)
		The separation of church and state - one of the core tenets of American democracy - makes Rick Santorum "want to throw up"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(519)
		VIA train derailment in Ontario. Three dead, several wounded, some trapped still  (thestar.com)	(108)
(Some Guy)		A rogue planet wandering through my solar system? It's more likely than you think  (thestatecolumn.com)	(99)
		Adam Sandler receives a record 11 Razzie nominations. In other news, from now on Sandler threads will appear under the Geek tab, as his movies don't qualify as entertainment  (news.yahoo.com)	(100)
		New Zealand scientist launches three year study to find out why female$ prefer older male$  (stuff.co.nz)	(60)
		Will Tevez guarantee City the title? Will Chelsea bounce back from their Italian job? All this plus "Dear ManU, having a time at Wembley, wish you were here. Love, Liverpool" smack in this week's EPL / Carling Cup final thread  (dailymail.co.uk)	(621)
(Some Guy)		Dumb: 16 year old kid takes mom's car to the bank, threatens the clerk with a weapon and demands money. Dumber: Through the drive thru. Dumbest: It works. Bonus: Twice  (ksl.com)	(34)

		A Kennedy is facing charges after deciding the rules do not apply to them. This is not a headline from Prohibition through 2009  (nydailynews.com)	(173)
		It's NASCAR It's Nationwide It's Danica sitting on a pole It's your Drive4COPD 300 official race thread 1 p.m. ET Saturday, ESPN  (espn.go.com)	(138)
(Some Guy)		Strep Throat may cause OCD in children, which is especially painfully when they have to swallow 10 times in a row so their mothers won't be eaten by tigers   (todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(25)

		Virginia lawmaker's wife refuses to have sex with him because, A. He cheated on her, B. He wanted a threesome, or C. He supports the transvaginal ultrasound bill  (huffingtonpost.com)	(178)
		Trucks driving at Daytona? It's more likely than you think It's your NASCAR NextEra Energy Resources 250 Discussion Thread  (nascar.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)		Three men participate in fraudulent hand job for insurance money. Hand still solo. Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker unavailable for comment  (charlotte.cbslocal.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)		Number of US students in UK at record levels - 'Three-quarters of American employers consider UK degrees to be the same as or better than US degrees'  (timeshighereducation.co.uk)	(58)
		The biggest threat to free speech on the Internet might just be the right to be forgotten. Because the Internet, like rock and roll, never forgets  (npr.org)	(76)
		A new vaccine could drastically reduce heroin addiction, rummaging through parents' LP collection for Velvet Underground  (guardian.co.uk)	(16)
		Rep. John Sullivan (R-OK) says getting their budget through will be tough and "other than me going over there with a gun and holding it to their head and maybe killing a couple of them, I don't think they're going to listen"  (thinkprogress.org)	(115)
		Now you too can prepare for the non existent zombie threat with real Hornady bullets. Subby is waiting for cherry PIE ammo  (omaha.com)	(122)
		New York man grows six inches through painful surgery, opting to forego the traditional method of "Sofia Vergara bikini pics"  (news.yahoo.com)	(86)
		Forget throwing panties on stage, GOP women are throwing Rick Santorum sovereignty over their uterus. He's just so dreamy  (washingtonpost.com)	(82)
		1 for 11 shooting + three assists + 8 turnovers = Failin  (sfgate.com)	(201)
		Of all the ways to honor your dead son, throwing a Chinook salmon onto the ice during a Vancouver Canucks game may be the strangest  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(65)

		Researchers studying sizes of mammals throughout Earth's periods of warmth and cold suggest global warming could make us shorter, dwarfing our other problems  (dailymail.co.uk)	(19)
		Sinead O'Connor just made Hugh Hefner throw up in his mouth a little bit  (starpulse.com)	(69)
		DEFCON presenter walks through a presentation on why to not buy stolen computer goods, with some epic pwnage of "a man so incompetent that he misspells his own name on Facebook"  (youtube.com)	(48)
		Biologists say women are attracted to male traits *flexes* that are largely useless *throws football* and impractical *gestures towards crotch*  (cnn.com)	(151)
(Some Left Turn)		Go straight turn left on a Thursday? This is the official NASCAR Duel At Daytona discussion thread. 2pm Eastern 11 Pacific on Speed  (sbnation.com)	(421)
(Democrat and Chronicle)		A train is not like a woman. If you're thrown out for being a drunk, it will not listen to your pleas. It will leave you. And if you try to cling to it as it does, it will kill you. Let it go. It's gone  (democratandchronicle.com)	(34)
		Gas prices are rising so fast reporters can't even get through a report about how fast gas prices are rising without the price of gas rising  (abcnews.go.com)	(129)
		One truth emerged from the 20th Republican blatherfest: Gingrich has pretty much thrown in the towel. Stick a fork in him, folks  (thedailybeast.com)	(32)

		The Mormon v. The Catholic. The Big Baby v. The Big Crazy. It's YOUR official Arizona GOP debate thread. 8:00 EST, CNN  (cnn.com)	(lots)
		These are the plane's exits. This is how to operate your seat belt. This is how to use the air mask. These are the three bottles of vodka I'm going to chug while working this flight  (duluthnewstribune.com)	(36)
		Kate Upton's SI cover is "a step away from Playboy" complains Cheryl Tiegs who posed for SI 25 years ago wearing nipple exposing see-thru fishnet suit  (news.yahoo.com)	(121)
(The BigLead)		Cubs fan buys domain name for Red Sox new spring training park and redirects it to the Yankees homepage. In other news, only three more weeks until the Cubs are mathematically eliminated from the post-season  (thebiglead.com)	(20)
		Chelsea try to make a last stand for the EPL, Real Madrid try and remind everyone that there's more than one great team in La Liga, Some other teams also play. It's your Champion's League Thread for Feb 21-22  (soccernet.espn.go.com)	(103)
		Fail: Falling because you were texting while walking. Fark: Through the shot of a live news report  (blog.trutv.com)	(9)
		Native Irish animals threatened by invasive species. This is not a repeat from Saint Patrick driving out the snakes, the arrival of humans, the end of the Ice Age, etc. No, wait. Yes, it is  (sciencedaily.com)	(8)
		Band plays intro theme for Game of Thrones at house party  (youtube.com)	(21)
		Weird. Today, on my way to work I saw three or four people with dirt on their foreheads. Someone needs to clean their hands more before touching their face. What is wrong with hygiene in this country?  (fark.com)	(343)
		L.A. schools not adhering to "three tikes and you're out" rule  (latimes.com)	(19)
		Little Green Footballs hears about Heartland threatening to sue them over illegally obtained info. (Yeah, Downfall parody)  (youtube.com)	(21)
		Seattle Times gives Fark a thumbs up for this jewel: "Celtics' Rajon Rondo discovers that you don't get an assist for throwing the basketball at the ref"  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(1)

		Billionaire playboy philanthropist Robert Downey Jr almost played a billionaire playboy misanthropist in McG's Superman reboot  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(59)
		Will Detroit bring their magic home win streak fairy on the road? Will Lundqvist's manish good looks prevent a Staal in Pittsburgh? Will Edmonton or Calgary figure out who's the better Canadian? It's your Tuesday night hockey thread  (nhl.com)	(334)
		Celtics' Rajon Rondo discovers that you don't get an assist for throwing the basketball at the ref  (washingtonpost.com)	(12)
		Iran threatens pre-emptive strike if tensions do not ease. What sort of savage, barbaric, war-mongering super villain would attack another country pre-emptively? We really need to ... oh, wait  (msnbc.msn.com)	(174)
(Some Guy)		A Seattle cop caught on tape threatening to "make stuff up" about two men to get felony charges against them say that he was merely "bantering" with them  (blogs.seattleweekly.com)	(164)

		Man goes into Walmart bathroom stall, sits down, drops his revolver, the revolver shoots a bullet, the bullet goes through the stall door, hits a wall, ricochets into a ceiling light, back onto the floor toward a man standing at a urinal. Ta-da  (azcentral.com)	(136)
(Some Guy)		The US has four major intel services: The CIA which monitors foreign activity, The FBI which monitors domestic threats, the NSA which handles electronic surveillance and the NYPD which seems to be able to do whatever the hell it wants  (kens5.com)	(82)
		Chicken wing prices are going through the roof. EVERYBODY PANIC WITH A SIDE OF CELERY AND BLEU CHEESE  (moneyland.time.com)	(67)

		Can Malkin solve Miller? Will Sharks end Wings streak? Will Blackhawks sing the Blues? Will Tim Thomas and Michele Bachmann form a more perfect union? Devils/Habs, really? It's your Hockey Day in America thread (puck drops: 12:30 ET)  (nhl.com)	(172)
(La Crosse Tibune)		An OWI with a hit and run thrown in is never a good way to end an evening, but when you're a cop do you get credit for your own arrest? I have the right to remain silent, I have the right to an attorney  (lacrossetribune.com)	(71)

		The question shouldn't be what were three Victoria's Secret models doing in A-Rod's mansion parading around in their underwear while A-Rod was away but should be why the heck wasn't A-Rod there  (nydailynews.com)	(22)
(Some Guy)		Female teacher caught having sex with student in her office bathroom. With "judge for yourself" pic  (aspentimes.com)	(180)
		Your country's economy is in ruins, many families have to scavenge for food and millions remain out of work. Do you save money any way possible and try to create jobs? Or do you throw yourself a $1m birthday bash?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(118)

(Some Guy)		Man charged with leaving concrete penis sculptures outside of a home, and he couldn't make it to court because a co-defendant threw him down the stairs. Worst. Week. Ever  (myfoxphoenix.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)		Flashing strange men at bars for beer money is no way to go through life, ladies. Especially when it leads to knife fights. (with "Oh, HELL no" mugshot goodness)  (abc-7.com)	(72)
		Actually, gay marriage doesn't threaten the sanctity of fake families in stock photos, says stock photo company  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(19)
		Because downhill skiing in California isn't pretentious enough, Starbucks has opened up a ski-thru store  (consumerist.com)	(60)

		IT worker orders Starbucks coffee with 16 espresso shots. Daily Mail reporters are eager to ask him about the experience, but are still waiting for him to leave the bathroom  (dailymail.co.uk)	(118)
(Some Guy)		School goes on lockdown because of A) a bomb threat B) reports of a student with a gun C) a parent dressed as Mickey Mouse  (vindy.com)	(71)
		Remember Peyton Manning's three different neck procedures over the past two years? Well ... about that  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(41)
(Scout.com)		"He's never seen an interception he didn't like to throw" and other insightful comments about the upcoming 2012 Draft's QB class  (cfn.scout.com)	(27)
		Josh Hamilton going through a "makeover". Makeovers can change your eye color?  (espn.go.com)	(8)
		Man pays £21m for Bacon nude, is promptly thrown out of IHOP  (bbc.co.uk)	(22)
		The profound lies of Deep Throat. Wait, you mean Linda Lovelace made the whole thing up?  (miamiherald.com)	(67)
		This weekend's 5 hour, 25 mile traffic jam on I-10 was caused by c) a pothole and a lack of cement (they throw in the cement to make it hard)  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(60)

(Some Guy)		Protip for all you medical-type doctors: When your patient is crying, you being a rude, condescending dick and then throwing a box of tissues at them is frowned upon  (bangordailynews.com)	(51)
		Ke$ha says the "clothing-optional" parties she often throws are not a "weird sex orgy thing"  (starpulse.com)	(107)
		Ever noticed how Eric Bana chews his way through his final speech in Black Hawk Down? Now you will  (youtube.com)	(51)
		Marshall Faulk thinks Matthew Stafford is overrated because "everybody throws for 5,000 yards now," if by "everybody" you mean a total of 4 quarterbacks in the history of the NFL  (mlive.com)	(148)
		A puppy rescued from the back of a freezing truck by three hockey players in Saskatchewan has found a new home  (saskatoon.ctv.ca)	(10)
		Conan interviews Jeb Corliss just prior to his wingsuiting through the Chinese mountain  (youtube.com)	(14)
(Some Guy)		Some people like flowers for Valentine's Day. Others prefer a quiet, romantic dinner. Still others like to strip their girlfriend naked, bind her up in duct tape and throw her in the back seat for later  (ktvb.com)	(76)
(Some Guy)		Flirting with your professor is a common and effective way to get ahead in class. But writing a whole paper about wanting to fark your prof when you're a 56 year old male student will get you a three-semester suspension  (wilx.com)	(61)
		Airport security makes MILF go through body scanner three times, for obvious reasons (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(158)

(Some Westminster Kennel Club site)		How will the six new breeds do? Will Dachshunds finally get some love? Can you watch a dog show without thinking of Fred Willard (And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten)? Here is your Westminster Dog Show thread. *woof*  (westminsterkennelclub.org)	(222)
		"No, your honor. It's just a social club. That hangs out in the woods. With high powered rifles. And camouflage fatigues. And talks about violently overthrowing the government. An ordinary social club"  (cbsnews.com)	(276)
		Thou shalt not worketh on the Sabbath, unless you receiveth twice and one half pieces of silver. And thou shalt vieweth inappropriate content in the classroom through hard wire connections as the good Lord intended. Amen  (torontosun.com)	(36)
		Moody's says F the UK, threatens to leave them on the side of the road without an AAA membership  (reuters.com)	(8)

(NBC 10)		Baby shower ends with three people stabbed after a drunken argument between relatives of mom-to-be and her baby daddy. Good luck, kid  (www2.turnto10.com)	(67)
		Trading crack for a lapdance, yelling racial slurs, assaulting police, spitting blood, and beating your own head into unconsciousness inside the police car is no way to go through life, son  (statesman.com)	(64)
		Someone broke into my garage last and went through some boxes, but didn't take end up taking anything. Well fine, I think your stuff is crap too, pal. What junk do you keep in your garage?  (fark.com)	(163)
(CBS Sports)		Former Miami Hurricanes booster unleashes his inner Jack Byrnes, threatens to "take the program down to Chinatown"   (eye-on-collegefootball.blogs.cbssports.com)	(21)
		The economic downturn is just killing us, I mean even GE is shutting down... wait, they're opening three new plants this year? Oh sure, but those are probably overseas and... wait, Mississippi, Alabama and Ohio? Really?  (marketwatch.com)	(22)

		Will Adele be rolling in the awards? Will Katy Perry light up the night like a firework? How will Whitney Houston be memorialized? It's your official 54th Annual Grammy Awards discussion thread (8PM ET on CBS)  (ew.com)	(lots)
		Will the force be with Garett Bischoff? Is Austin Aries the greatest man that ever lived? Why is the World Championship on the line in a tag team match? Does the fWc even care? All this and more in tonight's TNA Against All Odds thread  (bleacherreport.com)	(707)
		Sheriffs threatening to arrest federal regulators. Another threatening to bring out his SWAT team to go up against a federal government SWAT team. Welcome to the Constitutional Sheriffs Convention  (denverpost.com)	(259)
(Some Dovahkiin)		Pacifist gamer beats Skyrim while only taking two lives, three if you count his own  (elder-geek.com)	(132)
		It is the most watched match in global football broadcasting. It is the biggest match in England, between the two most hated rivals in English football history. It's Man United v Liverpool in this week's EPL thread. There will be blood  (dailymail.co.uk)	(354)

		Attention Underpants Gnomes, finally after a long, agonizing wait, it's time for phase three  (stltoday.com)	(27)
		Sarah Palin's CPAC keynote: "Time to drain the jacuzzi and throw the bums out with the bathwater." If she mixes any more metaphors, the early bird will grow moss on a penny earned  (mediaite.com)	(203)
		Will Mitt Romney's faux New England patrician credentials be enough to hold off the Paulistians in the deep woods of Maine? Is anyone still paying attention to this circus? It's your Maine Caucus thread  (guardian.co.uk)	(217)
		Man gets thrown out of pub by another customer for smoking. Since this is Fark, you'd better believe he came back into the pub with a chainsaw  (dailymail.co.uk)	(43)

(NBC Chicago)		Cop pulls gun on woman for taking too many items through the self-check out at WalMart, because 9 months pregnant or not, rules are rules  (nbcchicago.com)	(617)
		At CPAC, speakers warn about the greatest threats to the America they love, like Obama, the Deficit, Obama, Iran, Obama, and, of course, low-flow toilets: " 'We Are a nation of Double Flushers' one Congressman cried"  (washingtonpost.com)	(177)
		More than $500,000 rare jewels stolen in a jewelry store heist. It involved burrowing through a wall, disabling alarms, and breaking into a safe. Sort of like Ocean's Eleven but without Julia Roberts  (chicagotribune.com)	(34)
		Pulls up to the drive-through: Hey, could you tell that stiff in the box over there "good riddance"  (digitalspy.com)	(15)
		Peyton Manning has made a complete and full recovery from neck surgery, except for that pesky "unable to throw a football" issue,  (tracking.si.com)	(26)
		Man arrested for felony domestic violence for putting a 3-year-old child in a clothes dryer for punishment. (w/pic of cretin who looks like he went through the dryer himself)  (myfoxdc.com)	(51)
		Craig Ferguson close to finalizing a deal to stay at CBS through 2014, ensuring his place as the funniest late-night talk show host on network TV  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(56)

		Giants fans were holding more then their breath until after Tom Brady threw that Hail Mary toss according to the Department of Environmental Protection  (nypost.com)	(33)
		Credit Suisse reports firste losse in three yearse  (dealbook.nytimes.com)	(4)
		Drilled through the heart, and you're to blame. You give mayonnaise tubs a bad name  (thesun.co.uk)	(37)
(Some Guy)		Los Angeles may fine you $1,000 if you throw any object besides a beach ball or volleyball on a beach without a permit. Feel free to throw an objectless fit at no cost, however  (losangeles.cbslocal.com)	(86)

		Prince Frederic von Anhalt throws lavish 95th birthday party for Zsa Zsa Gabor, complete with buffet and 130 guests. Zsa Zsa spends day wishing for sweet embrace of death to finally come claim her. (with sad pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(56)
		Santorum surges with surprise threesome  (washingtonpost.com)	(154)

		Will Mittens lick Santorum in Colorado? Will conservatives in Missoura change the race? Will Giant Elderly Baby do any better than third? Who is RON PAUL? It's your Minnesota/Missouri/Colorado Republican election thread  (google.com)	(814)
		Greece is now down to three options: a) get farked b) get farked harder or c) get farked like an Athens schoolboy  (time.com)	(106)
(Some Guy With Cool Shoes)		A Maryland mall is evacuated, and goes into lock down after: A) There are credible warnings of a terrorist threat, B) There is a massive gas leak, or C) Sneakers go on sale?  (baltimore.cbslocal.com)	(128)
		Will Santorum surge sap Romney's momentum? Will Gingrich give up and move on to a younger, more attractive state? And what the hell is up with RON PAUL? It's your official Minnesota caucus thread  (businessweek.com)	(30)
		Courtney Love threatens to sue author over unlawfully obtained deposition papers, may settle out of court for a cheeseburger and some blow  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(13)
		Romney wins Facebook fan primary, submits self shot picture from bathroom in a muscle shirt with duck lips face  (politico.com)	(7)
		You're not really hardcore until you tattoo your inner lip. "It will only last about three months because your lip will keep rubbing against your teeth"  (couriermail.com.au)	(54)
(Prop8trialtracker)		Will gays be allowed to marry? Can gays legally preside over gay marriage trials? Do proponents of propositions have Federal standing? It's your official 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Prop. 8 thread (Ruling expected 10 am PST)  (prop8trialtracker.com)	(189)
(Some Guy)		Ask to play through to get around some slower players? That's an impalin' with a nine iron  (nbcdfw.com)	(48)

		Dispirited Arsenal kicks off a desperate claw for fourth place, Suarez returns to Liverpool, with lots of action culminating in a Sunday morning finale between Chelsea and Manchester. It's your weekend EPL thread  (soccernet.espn.go.com)	(497)
		Student in trouble for using Old Spice deodorant spray flamethrower to set special ed student on fi...wait, they still have spray deodorant?  (wtsp.com)	(118)
		Pey Pey says he'll restructure his contract with requirement that he is able to throw a ball, so long as he's still paid as much as everyone else on the team... combined. How big of him  (sun-sentinel.com)	(56)
		The internet is now the second most common way of beginning a relationship, usually with a supermodel or a rich philanthropist with a yacht  (dailymail.co.uk)	(52)
(Sci Mag)		News: Scientists accidentally make a sheet of glass only three atoms thick, analyze its structure. Fark: It exactly matches a prediction made by a glass theorist in 1932  (news.sciencemag.org)	(45)
		Gisele Bundchen: "My husband can't throw and catch the farking ball"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(289)
		Three-year-old defeats claw machine, shares his victory with everyone else at the arcade  (news.com.au)	(104)

(Some " guy)		If you are going to claim that burglars stole your TV and took it out through a window, it's probably a good idea to take some measurements first  (thisissouthdevon.co.uk)	(25)
		Moderate drinking, which was bad for you, then good for you, then bad for you, then good for you, then bad for you, then good for you, is now bad for you again, doubling your risk of pancreatitis and cancer of the bowel, mouth, throat and neck  (dailymail.co.uk)	(61)
		CAN the Giants shock the world again? WILL the Patriots avenge their defeat from four years ago? HOW MANY FARKers will succumb to alcohol poisoning this year? THIS is YOUR Super Bowl XLVI Discussion Thread. (Kickoff @ 6:30 EST on NBC)  (scores.espn.go.com)	(lots)
		Enterprising young entrepreneur sells pot brownies to her 8th grade classmates for three dollars per brownie. That's even cheaper than Pepperidge Farms  (foxnews.com)	(80)
		McDonald's customer stunned that she can't block the drive-thru  (dailymail.co.uk)	(84)
		Think your boss is bad? At least he doesn't limit your to a total of eight minutes of bathroom time per day and uses a surveillance system to keep you honest  (huffingtonpost.com)	(90)
(Q2)		Pilots say any landing you can walk away from is a good landing--even if you have to walk through the living room and out the front door of the house you crashed into. With pic  (ktvq.com)	(50)

(Some mma fan)		UFC 143 ppv discussion thread Will a Nick Diaz win over Carlos Condit make him seem like less of a douche or more ? Will Roy Nelson find Fabricio Werdum more than he can stomach or find him delicious? Prelims on FX 8pm EST  (mmamania.com)	(832)
		Scientists want to engineer designer babies with three parents. MU-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA  (news.com.au)	(63)
		Will Romney score back-to-back victories? Will the Sinful State forgive Newt's angry womanizing? Will there be another Santorum surge? And what about RON PAUL? It's your official Nevada Republican caucus thread  (reuters.com)	(320)
(Some Guy)		Fire rips through candy company during Easter production run: "The amount of chocolate that had melted and was on the floor -- it was hard to move around in there. We had guys covered in chocolate"  (wtae.com)	(77)
		Hot anchorwoman makes it through reporting on sausage festival until she advises where to pick tickets  (liveleak.com)	(42)

(Some Guy)		Last week: Tennessee state senator claims that AIDS was the result of one guy who had sex with a monkey and then had sex with other guys. Let's run it through PolitiFact's Truth-o-Meter and...uh oh, call the fire department  (politifact.com)	(214)
		1-800-GET-THIN: "They cut her liver three places during the surgery and put her in a wheelchair and sent her home to die"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(122)
		College student gives up cell phone and all social media for three months--and actually survives to tell the tale  (chicagotribune.com)	(51)
		Black Sabbath drummer threatens to pull out of band's reunion unless they offer him respect, dignity, and a "signable contract". Guess he's never seen Spinal Tap  (bbc.co.uk)	(29)
		Woman picking her kid up from school enters through bus-only lane, hits gate with her car, drives over curb, and exits through entrance, and is busted for DUI and other charges. Ta-da  (orlandosentinel.com)	(21)
		Woman holding baby gets into argument over rent with boyfriend. After boyfriend douses woman in lighter fluid and sets her on fire, woman throws baby out window, where it is caught by attentive neighbors. The Aristocrats  (nydailynews.com)	(43)
		Long lost Indonesian twins run into each other three decades later in Sweden living 25 miles from each other. Bonus: After viewing pic, you would wish you were a couch pillow  (telegraph.co.uk)	(71)
		Crematorium to broadcast funerals live on the internet, allowing you to toast the dearly departed in your bathrobe  (mirror.co.uk)	(22)
		Foundation offers psychic Sally Morgan $1,000,000 to prove that her psychic abilities are real. Sally Morgan instead threatens to sue them...WITH HER MIND  (huffingtonpost.com)	(381)

(DCist)		Three Occupy DC protestors are on the fourth day of a "sleep strike" to protest the Park Police's ban on camping in McPherson Square and the bugs BURROWING UNDER THEIR SKIN  (dcist.com)	(165)
		Boozehound Lindsay Lohan threatens to sue over boozehound story. Boozehound  (tmz.com)	(30)
		Obama follows through on promise at town hall meeting to help a woman's husband with his resume-but she's still not sure she's gonna vote for him  (huffingtonpost.com)	(155)
		Tom Brady's wife throws a Hail Mary  (myfoxdc.com)	(69)
		Woman caught after high speed chase through Seattle in stolen cherry picker tells cops it was always on her bucket list  (seattlepi.com)	(11)
		Well, Supernerds, the gauntlet has been thrown down. Literally. How will you top this?  (gizmodo.com)	(79)

(Some Guy)		A little kid kicks dirt on your car, do you A) tell him to get lost B) Threaten to tell his parents C) Pick him up and dangle him over an aggressive, chained pit bull?  (charlotteobserver.com)	(94)
		The FBI likes to intimidate suspects by using a chainsaw to go through apartment doors, a technique that's especially intimidating when they saw through the wrong door  (thedailybeast.com)	(208)
		How did your team do on Transfer Deadline Day? Can Arsenal beat a strong Bolton side at home? Will the Magpies stomp the hapless Rovers? These discussions and more in this bumped EPL thread  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(194)
		Anthrax mailings, once the tool of domestic terrorists, are now being used by wannabe rappers and apartment hunters  (slate.com)	(37)
		Things not to say to same-sex couples, such as "I'm so thrilled to meet you. I was bisexual in college"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(185)
		Old man decides his car needs a good cleaning after driving through the farmers market  (liveleak.com)	(21)

		Will Nice Hair pull out a big win? Will Angry Womanizer make it a race? Will anyone care how Old Anarchist or Jesus Loves Me fare? It's your Florida Republican Primary live results thread  (elections.msnbc.msn.com)	(405)
		I'm not saying Rodney Harrison threw Asante Samuel under the bus, but Rodney Harrison threw Asante Samuel under the bus  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(8)
		Why not spice up your stale sex life with some hot threesomes between you, your husband and your 15 year old cousin? Apart from the court case and the awkward family dinners of course  (stuff.co.nz)	(70)
		Three-year-old boy in Peru has an abortion  (cbsnews.com)	(43)
		The polls are now open in America's Derpiest State. Here's your official FL Primary thread  (tampabay.com)	(143)

		Author of the "Don't say Gay" bill thrown out of a restaurant. "If you don't think the way certain people think, then they think you don't have a right to be served," he said, completely missing the irony  (buzzfeed.com)	(215)
		Artist tells proposal tale through stop action LEGO video  (abcnews.go.com)	(10)
(Gwinnett Daily Post)		Illinois man sends murder threats and mailbombs to Georgia schools in hopes of getting personal enemies investigated. How'd that plan work out for you, big guy?  (gwinnettdailypost.com)	(15)
		Another Club Med closes, narrowing the list of vacation destinations for balding, hairy-backed men hoping to get invited to a swinger party as they wander about the beach sucking down pina coladas while in the full throes of a mid-life crisis  (couriermail.com.au)	(42)
		Epic new Game of Thrones trailer will make you wish winter was over already  (tv.ign.com)	(279)
(Some Guy)		Writer tries to justify why he enjoys listening to the grunts of women tennis players. "I'm not a pervert who gets a cheap thrill from the loud shrieks"  (asiaone.com)	(28)
		CEO of government-owned bank decides he doesn't need that £963,000 bonus after all, would rather not go through life with everyone in the country hating his guts  (bbc.co.uk)	(40)

		Get ready for more pills, thrills & bellyaches, the original Happy Mondays line-up to reform for tour  (bbc.co.uk)	(48)
(Fairbanks Daily News-Minus)		How many people are willing go through with a 10k fun run at -49 degrees? Six, apparently  (newsminer.com)	(57)
		Tuition paying parents of Rutgers students now thrilled to hear that their kids can earn three credits taking Beyonce 101  (starpulse.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)		Herman Cain endorses Newt: "I also know Speaker Gingrich is running for president and going through this sausage grinder, and I know what this sausage grinder is all about." Wut?  (postonpolitics.com)	(107)