Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(NineMSN)		Pictured on the cover of a large Swiss daily while naked on a ledge outside a burning transsexual brothel is definitely not where you want to end up, son  (news.ninemsn.com.au)	(41)
		Dentist is accused of using paper clips instead of stainless steel posts inside the teeth of root canal patients. He's expected to be charged with wire fraud  (hosted.ap.org)	(68)

		A bug or a feature? President Obama tells House Democrats he won't campaign for them if they vote "no" on health care  (telegraph.co.uk)	(175)
(Some Guy)		In hopes of circumventing anti-smoking laws, man opens up a smoker-friendly tobacco store inside a bar. "The tobacco shop has no walls. Its boundaries are marked off by duct tape."  (cjonline.com)	(409)
(Some Comic Book Guy)		Latino Review gets a Marvel insider to give them all kinds of info on the Captain America, Thor and The Avengers movies. Caution: spoilerific  (latinoreview.com)	(20)
		The government's use of legal exemptions to keep records secret rose during President Barack Obama's first year in office. Most.secretive.administration.ever  (abcnews.go.com)	(117)
(Cape Cod Times)		Residents ponder future of wind power after two wind turbines are damaged . . . by wind  (capecodonline.com)	(29)
		Absurdly Premature 2012 Watch, Vol. 11: Why We Want Petraeus to Run for President  (blog.newsweek.com)	(90)

(Washington Monthly)		Gay-bashing Virginia Attorney General tells voters he is considering not registering his kid for a social security number "because it is being used to track you". And yes, he's a birther too  (washingtonmonthly.com)	(201)
		Arizona town opens time capsule only to find that the bottle of brandy that was supposed to be inside is missing. Amusing and Obvious tags seen stumbling a little and giggling  (azstarnet.com)	(87)
		Not satisfied with ID cards, pictures, fingerprints, retinal scans, body imagers and RF chips, the government is considering shoving something up your nose to verify your identity. All right, now they're just f*cking with us  (silicon.com)	(31)
(Some Guy)		For 50 years we've been trying to help ET phone home. Researchers now considering leaving a voicemail  (failuremag.com)	(16)
		Florida vampire who claims to be the direct descendant of Vlad the Impaler announces his candidacy for president. Would be a refreshing change from the bloodsuckers already in Washington  (wtsp.com)	(128)
		Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez "The Internet cannot be something open where anything is said and done." and is calling for stricter controls. Looks like the Fark party in Caracas is a no go at this time  (reuters.com)	(266)

		President Ditka?  (suntimes.com)	(89)
		Besides being nuts, what did the Pentagon and Vegas courthouse shooters have in common? They got their guns from the Memphis police department  (hosted.ap.org)	(115)

		Geez. You go on television in Georgia, falsely report that Russian tanks have invaded Tblisi and the country's president is dead, and all hell breaks loose  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(74)
		First there were BBS's. They were supplanted by Internet message forums and newsgroups. Which where then done in by blogs. Which are now going the wayside as Twitter, Facebook take over. So, what's next?  (abcnews.go.com)	(66)
		Victoria Jackson provides thoughtful insight into gun control. Just kidding, she says she was accosted outside a nightclub and wished she had a gun so she could blow her attacker's brains out. Because clearly, guns solve all problems  (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(207)
(Some Guy)		Australia may lower the blood alcohol limit for motorists to .02, meaning they'd returned to the good old days when 98% of the residents were prisoners    (couriermail.com.au)	(134)
		Don't you hate it when your car gets towed? It's even worse when you're a funeral director and the car that just got towed still had a body inside  (cnn.com)	(20)

		Norway doomsday seed vault hits 1/2 million mark, which is very good considering the upcoming apocalypse  (abcnews.go.com)	(15)
		Something from outside our universe is pulling matter towards it in a mysterious "Dark Flow". The Event Horizon has returned  (arstechnica.com)	(50)
		At the Billboard Music & Money Symposium, MTV President explains the shift in MTV's programming from all music to all money and blames Generation X for Ke$ha and Snooki  (pastemagazine.com)	(60)
		You may want to reconsider your choice of a guru if he forces you to drink snail mucus  (hosted.ap.org)	(59)
		Owners lock would-be car thief inside vehicle until cops arrive. "So every time he tried to get out of the car, the owners just kept hitting the lock button on their key fob, and eventually he gave up trying to get out"  (upi.com)	(94)
(Newton TAB)		Despite ordinance allowing them, city residents aren't very fond of mother-in-law apartments  (wickedlocal.com)	(3)
		Principal refuses to back high school students petitioning to get President Obama to speak at their graduation because he worried about student safety and parent complaints  (azcentral.com)	(65)
		Republicans threaten to slam two torpedoes into the side of U.S.S. Financial Reform because they didn't get everything they wanted. "You have city hands, Mr. Dodd. You been countin' money all your life"  (latimes.com)	(75)
		"ObamaCare could well become President Obama's Iraq." Except without the happy ending  (forbes.com)	(215)

		Senate Parliamentarian rules the House must first pass the Senate health care bill - and the president must sign it into law - before reconciliation fixes to it can be considered. It's dead, Jim  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(306)
		The best video of a lamb acting like a puppy inside someone's house you'll see today  (youtube.com)	(27)
		Best video proving theory that yes, your hair will freeze if you jump out of a hot tub and run outside into -12 degree temperatures  (myfoxdc.com)	(137)

		The US Supreme Court cannot afford to be seen taking the side of one corporation over another corporation  (cbsnews.com)	(323)
(Some Guy)		Miami residents can now go online to report municipal problems like trash littering the street. Service to be online in time for Jersey Shore cast to arrive  (govtech.com)	(18)
(Cape Cod Times)		74-year old woman accidentally goes through car wash on the outside of her car  (capecodonline.com)	(50)
		Is it still considered stealing if you pay for it?  (boston.com)	(65)

		Water consuption in Edmonton during the Gold Medal hockey game; the beer consumption chart would probably look the same, but upside down  (blog.canoe.ca)	(118)
		Not only is baseball a slow, boring battle between NY and Boston every year, Selig is now considering a complex scheduling system that would make the IRS proud  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(108)
		Touted by environmentalists as the wave of the future, Spain's solar power program still needs massive subsidies and serves as an example of what not to do  (nytimes.com)	(141)
		Former Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY) accomplished little in his year-plus in Congress, sexually harassed a male staffer and was pressured to resign. So, naturally, Beck and Limbaugh consider him a hero  (politico.com)	(45)

		Young Karl Rove turned to the darkside when he had the turd-blossom beat out of him by a little girl  (washingtonpost.com)	(153)
		Remember the "Family Values" Republican who got arrested drunk driving outside of a gay club? Well it turns out he IS gay, but that's not your business, so please don't ask him about it  (sfgate.com)	(206)
		President Obama doesn't seem to have any close friends among foreign leaders. He does have a girlfriend who's a model in Canada, but you wouldn't know her  (americanthinker.com)	(121)
		A group of ultra-Orthodox rabbis are kvetching that lox should no longer be considered kosher as the fish often contain parasitic worms. Here comes the schmear campaign  (nypost.com)	(283)
(The Daily Beast)		The health care bill is a mess. Kill it. Oh, and make Warren Buffet president or emperor or first citizen  (thedailybeast.com)	(150)
(Some Blind Ref)		In a bid for Crosby's "King of the Cheap Shot" title, Penguins forward Matt Cooke takes Marc Savard out with a blind side elbow to the head. W/ video  (nesn.com)	(309)

		Five people who changed the world from inside of prison  (cracked.com)	(104)
		Seattle unveils real-time weather forecasting system that tells citizens exactly where and when rain is falling, beyond simplistic and low-tech "outside" and "right now"  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(32)
		Man has a mountain of sand and hangs women's underwear outside his home. And then it gets weird. (w/video)  (wftv.com)	(91)
		Odds-on favorite to win Best Actress for her performance in "The Blind Side", Sandra Bullock was named Worst Actress for her performance in "All About Steve"  (reuters.com)	(48)

		Cccopppsss rrresppponddd to cccall fffrommm wwwommmannn rrregggardddinggg ssstttrrrange nnnoisssesss cccommminggg fffrrrommm innnsssiddde hhherrr hhhoussse  (news.yahoo.com)	(31)
		David Axelrod, Obama's unofficial Director of the Socialist Communist Takeover, spills all on why Obama's presidency has failed so quickly  (nytimes.com)	(71)
(Pajiba)		From a review of Alice in Wonderland: "Pretty on the outside, but soulless on the inside. Like Ann Coulter, if Ann Coulter was pretty on the outside."  (pajiba.com)	(46)
		Mitt Romney thinks Sarah Palin is qualified to be President, which makes me wonder if Mitt Romney is qualified to be President  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(189)
		In Detroit, 44% of all adults and 100% of school board presidents read and write below 6th-grade level  (detnews.com)	(94)

		If the view from your Upper East Side penthouse is getting stale, consider a 40,000 square foot estate that has a different view each day  (money.cnn.com)	(70)
		There are more bars than grocery stores in many flyover states. Take THAT, you rich, uppity, coast-residing bastards  (consumerist.com)	(117)
		Indiana Governor raises $6,000 for local youth football by auctioning Saints flag flown in his office..with the stipulation that the money be spent teaching kids how to cover onside kicks    (wwl.com)	(30)
		Gogo Yubari released her first CD in Japan this week, which is impressive considering the condition Beatrix Kiddo left her in  (kotaku.com)	(30)
		New Doctor Who hottie sidekick says she wants to star in Porno  (thesun.co.uk)	(155)
		Sean Penn hopes critics of his recent mercy mission to Haiti "die of rectal cancer." You've gotta side with Penn on this one  (starpulse.com)	(67)

(Some Guy)		Karl Rove contends President Bush didn't knowingly mislead the nation into the Iraq war  (motherjones.com)	(202)
		News: Study finds large differences in people's definitions of "had sex". Weird: 23% of old men don't consider intercourse to be "sex"  (labspaces.net)	(118)
		It's a box inside of a box, inside of a box inside of a box, inside of a box inside of a box, inside of a box inside of a box...and so on  (youtube.com)	(35)
(Washington Examiner)		President Obama, meet Senator Obama on reconciliation: "Under the rules, the reconciliation process does not permit that debate. Reconciliation is therefore the wrong place for policy changes"  (washingtonexaminer.com)	(274)
		Explosives expert uses controlled blast in Boeing 747 to simulate power of underwear bomb from Detroit-bound flight. Cool video on your port side, comments of variable intelligence on your starboard side  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(181)

		What your children will learn in history class: "Single-term President Barack Obama sacrificed his second term to push Health Care through Congress for the benefit of the American people"  (reuters.com)	(392)
		Mo'Nique on her husband: "He loves the hairy legs and if Sid likes the hairy legs, there you go"  (starpulse.com)	(152)
		For the record, carving "I luv Mike Welliver" into a tree trunk can be considered romantic gesture. Carving it into your girlfriend's chest, not so much  (daytondailynews.com)	(47)
		GOP lawmaker wants Reagan to replace Grant on the US $50 bill, because Reagan is the greatest president ever and all Grant did was WIN THE FARKING CIVIL WAR  (foxnews.com)	(579)
(Some anthropologist)		The new Whole Foods nutrition rating system ignores the entirety of human evolution in favor of political considerations. Unlike Twinkies, which are awesome and will eventually grow wild in couch-shaped bushes    (livnaked.com)	(180)
		If you happen to find Sidney Crosby's Olympic hockey gloves and stick that he tossed in the air after scoring the winning overtime goal against Team USA, 35 million Canadians would like to have a word with you. You can keep the mouth guard  (google.com)	(118)
		Charles Rangell (D-ranged) to take 'leave of absence' from chairmanship of House Ways and Means Committee. And just ignore those big paper-shredder trucks outside  (abcnews.go.com)	(144)

		USPS considers cutting delivery of Saturday mail due to mountain of debt. But don't worry citizen, government run healthcare will run much more efficiently  (money.cnn.com)	(213)
		Supreme Court considers overturning the handgun ban that has given Chicago 30 years of nothing but peace and tranquility  (abcnews.go.com)	(868)
(Some Guy)		If Mythbuster Grant Imahara gets 100,000 followers on Twitter he will build Craig Ferguson a Robot Skeleton Sidekick, and he's only 8,000 away. Perhaps Fark could help make this a reality  (twitter.com)	(273)
		In case you missed it, today was Saviours Day 2010, a day where Nation of Islam Minister Louis Farrakhan is honored. He spent much of his speech giving advice to President Obama and recalling his 1985 ride aboard a UFO. Good times, good times  (google.com)	(119)

		President Obama to visit Savannah on Tuesday to talk up the benefits of his economic stimulus plan to local residents who for some reason have enough free time to come out and see him in the middle of the day  (washingtonpost.com)	(86)
		Why Teddy Roosevelt was the most badass president ever: "Death had to take him sleeping, for if Roosevelt had been awake there would have been a fight."  (cracked.com)	(86)
		Prudential buys AIG's Asian unit for $35 billion. Analysts surprised they paid so much, considering its size  (money.cnn.com)	(17)
		Former Rep. J.D. Hayworth, who's challenging John McCain in Arizona, says he was never a birther and said President Obama wasn't born in the US on his radio show, "to provoke conversation."  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(44)
(Northern Advocate)		Police say roadside speed display signs are for entertainment only and should not be taken as an accurate indication of your speed  (northernadvocate.co.nz)	(134)
		Russian President Dmitry Medvedev demands sports officials resign after Olympic performance, commences Operation Drago  (sports.espn.go.com)	(91)
		Just a tip, Mr. President: Poker? Probably not your game (with video)  (newsbusters.org)	(183)

		President Obama prepares for 2012 election by appointing his chief campaign fundraiser as new White House Social Secretary. You gotta admit - the man is efficient  (politico.com)	(40)
		NFL considering ending sudden death win by a field goal overtime, replacing it with an even more confusing version  (sports.espn.go.com)	(122)
		Listen to the background chatter cease and the room fall silent after President Obama asks health care summit attendees to consider what life is like for Americans who are not rich politicians (video)  (videocafe.crooksandliars.com)	(462)
		When Facebook embraces the Dark Side  (smh.com.au)	(47)

		Unemployment above 10% and presidential approval in the 30s: a portrait of our failure of a one-term President  (dailykos.com)	(163)
		AP fact checks heath care summit exchange between President Obama and Sen. Lemar Alexander (R-TN), once again proving that the facts have a liberal bias  (hosted.ap.org)	(157)
		Bush says he won't be an annoying ex-president to President Obama like a certain one was to him. Yes, he's looking at you Mr. Habitat for Hamas    (breitbart.com)	(110)
		Robert Plant: "In The Mood", 1983. If you expected fog-shrouded moutainsides and Plant walking amid medieval scenes to accompany this mellow song, you're all wrong  (youtube.com)	(28)
(Foolocracy)		The South Dakota Legislature wants the science from both sides of the global warming debate taught in the schools...next class: how astrology and cosmology explain global warming  (foolocracy.com)	(276)
		Citibank's reaction to printing some customers' SS# on the outsides of their envelopes: Was that wrong? Should we not have done that?  (consumerist.com)	(29)

		Sid Meyer's Civilization 5 Announcement Trailer  (pc.ign.com)	(126)
		"But then, cats that look like love seats and dogs that waddle probably don't happen much outside the USA, either."  (usatoday.com)	(163)
		Side winder snake uses a blade of grass to catch a gecko  (liveleak.com)	(47)

(Some Guy)		Don't you hate it when you're handcuffed inside a courtroom and everyone forgets about you and goes home for a long holiday weekend?  (insidebayarea.com)	(115)
		Harry Reid accurately states that "no one has talked about reconciliation". You know, except for the Senate, the House, the President, all major political pundits and the entire bozosphere of the Fark politics page  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(149)
		Democrats need to stop whining about GOP filibuster threats. "Besides, has a filibuster ever prevented eventual enactment of anything significant that an American majority has desired, strongly and protractedly?"  (nypost.com)	(92)
(Pensito)		Rep. Weiner on House Floor: 'Republicans Are Wholly Owned Subsidiary of the Insurance Industry'  (pensitoreview.com)	(315)
		The president of the company is named Toyoda, but their product, which is named after the family, is called Toyota. Why? Here comes the Japanese science  (washingtonpost.com)	(55)

		Remember when Obama suspended his presidential campaign to address the banking crisis? That was awesome  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(140)
		Italian oil spill threatens extra virginity of nation's countryside  (abcnews.go.com)	(51)
		2/3 of Americans think that the Republicans in Congress are not doing enough to cooperate with President Obama, according to an new national poll that was obviously produced by the liberal, Obama-loving media  (cnn.com)	(236)
		Massachusetts could be first state to require open access to car diagnostic codes as lawmakers decide today which side hired the best lobbyists  (boston.com)	(185)
		Toyota Motor Corp. President Akio Toyoda says Toyota moved too fast, chased waterfalls instead of sticking with the rivers and the lakes that it's used to  (upi.com)	(26)

		If you find yourself running down the street grabbing drums and kicking the rear of a dancing dragon only to find a boy inside, you're either an angry politician or on shrooms  (dailymail.co.uk)	(53)
		Senator James Inhofe (R-OK) asked the DOJ to investigate what he called "the greatest scientific scandal of our generation". Bonus: also asked former Vice President Al Gore to be called back to the Senate to testify  (pajamasmedia.com)	(787)
		Johnny Cash releases yet another new album, is said to be considering a duet record with Tupac as his next project    (news.yahoo.com)	(98)
		The hubris of insurance companies make it increasingly easy for President Obama to institute National Health Care. This is why we can't have nice things  (sfgate.com)	(225)

		Former President Cheney hospitalized  (foxnews.com)	(1182)
		Former sheepherder now speaks Spanish and English besides other middle eastern languages, and can't get enough pizza or vegetarian sub sandwiches. Ladies and gentlemen, Gitmo turned this man into a monster  (abcnews.go.com)	(110)
		9/11 was an inside job using explosives - say crazies/truthers/conspiracy freaks? No. 1,000 architects and engineers want to know  (washingtontimes.com)	(912)
		Report confirms the KGB kidnapped and tortured dissidents in a secret prison in Poland. Wait, did I say the KGB? I meant the CIA  (abcnews.go.com)	(450)
		Union and liberal groups decry "small, puny" $15 billion jobs bill, want Congress to shake taxpayers upside-down until at least $180 billion falls out  (thehill.com)	(211)
		British passengers "rescued" after sitting for an hour in a train that happened to stop - just outside the station. Oh the humanity  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(34)
		President Obama's health care proposal. It's an 11-page PDF, but has a link you can click to order your free pony  (politico.com)	(329)
		An inside look at the IED disposal team of the 20th Support Command. Their motto: "Initial success or total failure"  (timesonline.co.uk)	(62)
		Fox News prior to CPAC: "This is where the next President will be anointed." Fox News after Ron Paul wins CPAC straw poll: "These things are waaay unscientific. It's really more about bragging rights, anyway"  (rawstory.com)	(342)

(538)		Fact: Looking at the past 30 years, deficits increase under Republican administrations and decrease under Democratic administrations, and only Clinton ran a surplus. Conclusion: both sides are bad. Wait, what?  (fivethirtyeight.com)	(155)
		Apparently a backup camera is now considered a must have feature on new cars. Damn kids. Back in my day we were excited when a car came with air conditioning  (autos.yahoo.com)	(335)

		Ron Paul wins CPAC Presidential straw poll. RON POLL  (foxnews.com)	(527)
		Remember John Yoo, the Bush lawyer who wrote the Torture Memos? Turns out, he also said the President could legally order entire villages of civilians to be wiped out if the President felt like it  (blog.newsweek.com)	(195)
(Some Guy)		February 20th, 1992: Ross Perot says he'll run for President on Larry King. Do you hear me? Did you hear what I'm saying to you? What you have here is a headline. You read it from left to right. It's not rocket science, people    (brainyhistory.com)	(57)
		Dead skin, carpet and upholstery fibers, and dirt from outside. If you said "What's currently in Paris Hilton's cha-cha", you're probably wrong, but definitely a Farker. It's "what is dust?"  (labspaces.net)	(21)

(Some Guy)		Man insists he didn't shoot his kid with a BB gun, and besides, he didn't think it was loaded, and besides that all the kids got shot with BBs when he was a kid  (billingsgazette.com)	(53)
		The Mets are considering placing Jose Reyes and his .435 career slugging percentage third in the batting order  (sports.espn.go.com)	(27)
(White House)		Want President Obama to speak at your high school commencement? 1. Submit an application. 2. Get selected as a finalist. 3. Win public vote. 4. [Something about teleprompters]  (whitehouse.gov)	(119)
		Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius says that if the Senate wants the public option President Obama will "absolutely" fight for it. Oh, Kitty, you still believe, that's so sweet  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(54)
		Reason number two Russians are funny: Russian town greets diminuitive President with sign saying, "We await you, Merry Gnome"  (washingtonpost.com)	(46)
		Jan Terri, step aside. We have a new winner for worst music video ever  (youtube.com)	(115)
		The Pulitzer Prize Board reverses an administrator's earlier objection and permits the National Enquirer to submit their John Edwards coverage for award consideration in two categories  (gawker.com)	(63)
(TV Squad)		White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs says President Obama would be more than happy to do "The Daily Show" while in office. "The Colbert Report"...not so much  (tvsquad.com)	(101)

		The Dalai Lama talks to President Obama and comes out of the meeting ecstatic and filled with hope. A year from now the Lama will be out of work, upset about the deficit and grumbling about "czars"  (news.yahoo.com)	(103)
		Coup succeeds in detaining Niger president, exciting teabaggers who misread the headline    (reuters.com)	(640)
		Cheney says Obama will only be president half as long as him  (abcnews.go.com)	(124)
(Some Guy)		Legendary game designer Sid Meier announces "Civilization V: The Search for Totally Awesome" for release in fall 2010  (gamasutra.com)	(231)
		John Boehner and Eric Cantor have written a letter challenging House Democratic leadership to a televised debate on jobs creation, but only if they promise not to bring the President because that didn't go so well for them last time  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(166)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop these canalside buildings  (fotkon.ru)	(46)
		Sarah Palin's daughter is all, "He makes lots of money and I want it." The father of former Governor of Alaska and Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin's grandchild is all, "No way."  (myfoxtwincities.com)	(383)
		Kay Burley: "Fiscal stimulus package aside, is that a bruise on your forehead?" Joe Biden: "No, it is Ash Wednesday." "Oops, sorry, I've said three Hail Marys, everything is going to be fine"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(234)
		New method of preserving vaccines in a sugar film could save millions. Think of it as candied Malaria, only without the side effect of death  (content.usatoday.com)	(25)
		Upside: you're living in the second most affordable city in the nation. Downside: it's Detroit  (money.cnn.com)	(94)

		Oh, crap: Rick Santorum lubing his supporters into a froth for a presidential run  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(104)
		Obama administration grants Temporary Protected Status (TPS) to Haitians illegally residing in United States. If only there were some kind of report summarizing the government's efforts to keep track of them  (abcnews.go.com)	(137)
		Sarah Palin: "Both sides are bad so vote republican"  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(168)
		Class warfare through tax policy may make progressives feel warm and cozy inside, but it hurts state economies: New Jersey lost $70 billion in wealth as the rich fled high income tax rates  (nj.com)	(587)
(Newser)		Baptist pastors prayed for Obama's death by brain cancer on Presidents Day. It's not a tumor  (newser.com)	(221)

		30 Dumb Inventions: From a curved-barrel machine gun to a strapless, backless, wireless, support-less bra... even a baby cage so you can suspend your infant in a wire cage outside of your window to save room in your apartment  (life.com)	(138)
		China's wine industry surges to 4th largest in world, aims to be low-price leader and global supplier of fine varietals such as "Tibetan's Blood" and "Dissident Sauvignon"  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(29)
(Harpers)		What to do when the former Vice President admits to war crimes on national television?  (harpers.org)	(508)
		Today's sentence you'll wish you'd never read: "Nearby, a man reached inside his skimpy nun's outfit and shortly afterward emitted a sigh of relief"  (news.yahoo.com)	(61)
		The world's oldest barber is still cutting 25-30 heads a day, just like he did when Coolidge was president. Only difference: not much call for leeches nowadays  (nytimes.com)	(23)

		Ken Starr appointed president of Baylor University. Promises to get to the bottom of student affairs  (chron.com)	(71)
		Jimmy Carter is our "best former president ever." Yeah. If you mean its best he's no longer president  (newsbusters.org)	(372)
		Top 10 Forgettable Presidents. This is bad news.....for Van Buren  (time.com)	(124)
		More bootstrappy fiscal policy, this time from Utah, where they're considering dropping 12th grade altogether  (latimes.com)	(251)

		Behind closed doors and with no cameras present, President Obama signed into law Friday afternoon the bill raising the public debt limit from $12.4 trillion to $14.3 trillion  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(243)
		For Valentine's Day: A look at two sides of love from Peter Cook and Dudley Moore  (youtube.com)	(15)
		Couple attempting to prove that Valentino's ghost walks the earth inadvertently prove that all psychics and mediums are total frauds. Bonus: 2m 05secs 'He just touched my shoulder...or was it a raindrop (inside)'  (express.co.uk)	(52)
		President Obama is sending coded messages to his terrorist buddies that it's safe to come and attack America. Time to start learning the Islam language  (townhall.com)	(271)

		New poll shows Americans consider Tea Party movement a fruitless mix of racism, conspiracy theories  (foxnews.com)	(124)
		With Monday being Presidents Day, here are 48 technology "firsts" for U.S. presidents: First to ride a train, be on TV, duck virtual shoes, etc. (First born in a hospital?)  (networkworld.com)	(29)
		If you are going to vandalize a window, make sure there aren't over 100 cops inside staring at you as you try to create your work of art. At least one of them can run faster than you  (sfgate.com)	(40)

		It's like Cash for Clunkers in reverse: Japanese drivers spooked by the Prius recall can get a 250,000 yen ($2,780) subsidy if they buy an imported "green" vehicle --- the 4700 pound, 16 mpg Hummer H3  (nytimes.com)	(73)
		Apparently there's an insidious new worm going around, and it seems as though Farkers might be particularly susceptible (Not safe for work)  (theonion.com)	(33)
		Studies show that shoveling snow increases your risk of heart attack. So do your heart a favor and stay inside all winter eating pork rinds and Funyuns on the couch  (abcnews.go.com)	(43)
(PopMatters)		Putting aside the music, the history of the Velvet Underground is marked not by innovation or inspiration, but by frustration and disappointment  (popmatters.com)	(47)
		Yesterday's media suggestion for President Obama was to "go gangsta' ". Today's suggestion from Bloomberg is to "crack some heads". Is "pop a cap in someone's ass" far behind?  (bloomberg.com)	(55)
		Madonna's planned Malawai school will displace several residents. But, hey, free school  (contactmusic.com)	(20)
		Canadian politician gets suspended after flipping the bird and threatening colleague with 'Yes, I gave you [the finger]. And I'll give you that again. And I'll give you this if you want to go outside.'  (cbc.ca)	(36)

		Obama is now fifth all-time on list of longest drought of clemency actions to start a Presidency, trailing only the first two and the last two of his predecessors  (reason.com)	(43)
		President Obama reports that 95,000 jobs, including the long-awaited Unicorn Herder, Leprechaun Catcher, and Fairy Wing Polisher, to start arriving each month  (nytimes.com)	(339)
		CNN political analyst tells president he should "go gangsta' " on Republicans. That should get the bi-partisanship experiment off to a good start, don't you think?  (cnn.com)	(204)
		Indianapolis Colts president congratulates the Saints on winning the Super Bowl. Just kidding, he threw his offensive line under the bus  (sports.espn.go.com)	(158)
(Some News from Norway)		"How does it feel to be a 19 year old top ranking chess player?" "The downside is that you have to answer a question like that"  (newsinenglish.no)	(41)
		"What, one wonders, will Democrats have to say about the filibuster when Sarah Palin is jamming through her first-year agenda as president?"  (realclearpolitics.com)	(602)

		Survey shows that slow computers, poor toilet etiquette and use of office jargon such as "think outside the box" and "push the envelope" are among the things that annoy workers most  (reuters.com)	(109)
(Some Guy)		Universal reportedly considering 3-D Jaws reboot starring Tracy Morgan as Matt Hooper. Smile you son of a b*tch  (cinemablend.com)	(95)

		Criticizing the President's handling of anti-terror measures is no longer patriotic. Nothing to see here citizen, move along  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(224)
		Afghan army fills leadership ranks with experienced generals. They fought for the other side, but whatever  (online.wsj.com)	(112)
(WHNT)		US Senator Shelby (R-ALzheimer's) releases blanket hold on 70 of President Obama's appointees after getting some attention, hugs  (whnt.com)	(196)
		Robert Gibbs says the President is willing to review the GOP health care proposals that he has been saying for months do not exist  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(244)

		The Argentine artist who received a six-figure check from the Canadian Arts Council to fund the creation of a 300-meter-long inflatable banana to fly over Texas in protest of President Bush's policies has cashed the check and skipped town  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(70)
		Drew Brees leaves phone interview with Colin Cowherd to take a call from President Obama, then calls back to finish the interview  (espn.go.com)	(62)
		If you're a veterinarian, it's considered "inappropriate and unprofessional behaviour" to put a dog's testicles in your mouth. Huh, who knew?  (metro.co.uk)	(94)
		Once the province of the young and the hip, blogging is now considered as modern and stylish as spats and poodle skirts  (news.yahoo.com)	(107)
		Jack Nicholson is considering a sky burial. Wait 'til the vultures get a load of him  (contactmusic.com)	(71)
		Laura Chinchilla set to become Costa Rica's first female, rodent President  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(68)

(Sunday Nation)		If you're an illegal alien and your happen to be the aunt of a sitting U.S. President, then congratulations. You may pass Go. You may collect $200  (nation.co.ke)	(217)
		Scottish pensioner awarded judo's highest rank - you can step on his lawn, but you'll be leaving quickly, backwards and upside down  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(8)
		By mocking Sarah Palin's inventiveness liberals are just showing their butthurt over the fact their president is a dunce who is glued to his teleprompter  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(537)
(Some Guy)		"I can give you absolutely conclusive and definitive proof that Obama's birth certificate does not exist. How else do you explain why Joe Biden is vice president?" Wait, what?  (washingtonindependent.com)	(91)
(the daily beast)		Step aside Tom Tancredo and Sarah Palin. The speaker who threw the most red meat to the crowd at the Teabagger convention was former Alabama Chief Justice and 2010 candidate for Governor Judge Roy Moore who called for armed insurrection  (thedailybeast.com)	(115)
(Spacevidcast)		Last chance to see a night launch of the Space Shuttle. If you're on the east coast, go outside at 4:39am EST. For everyone else, HD stream in link  (spacevidcast.com)	(96)
		French President Nicolas Sarkozy has declared the burqa "not welcome" in secular France after two men robbed bank disguised as Muslim women dressed in head to toe traditional religious garb  (abc.net.au)	(483)

		Today would have been the 99th birthday of the greatest President who ever lived, Ronald Reagan  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(402)
		Taking your eggs "sunny side up" probably won't kill you or make you so sick you'll wish you were dead  (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(158)

		President Obama eulogizes woman buried in Obama t-shirt whose name he can't remember  (hotair.com)	(57)
(Some Chick)		Woman in Ft. Worth upset with the state of the country show her distress by flying the American flag upside down on a 60' pole at her business. "It is an outcry of the danger our country is in."  (kbtx.com)	(181)
		Bruce Springsteen's people sue bar after cover band played Springsteen songs back in 2008. Surely, the Boss will not stand for this and side with the little people. Nah, he just wants his name removed from lawsuit  (nydailynews.com)	(15)
(Some Guy)		Sorry Saints fans. A psychic nun has picked the Colts by 9...and God is on her side  (gambling911.com)	(27)
		Statue of President Obama as a 10-year-old boy to be removed from public park in Jakarta after people complain that he wasn't even born there. LOL - what kind of backwards country throws such a fit about where Obama was born?    (nytimes.com)	(50)
		And so an end so long delayed has come to pass at last: after 48 years of endless fire, $42 million in federal relocation funding and 500 buildings razed, Centralia PA is down to just 5 houses and a dozen residents  (abcnews.go.com)	(223)

		What's causing a rift between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie... besides Jennifer Aniston standing outside their window and screaming "BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAD"  (nowmagazine.co.uk)	(56)
		Drunk driver hits liquor truck outside wine store  (nj.com)	(41)
		The guy who compared the marketplace in Iraq to a farmer's market in Indiana? Yeah, he's probably running for President  (liveshots.blogs.foxnews.com)	(17)
		Clarence Thomas objects that President Obama should not have been so uppity as to criticize any decision by the infallable, completely non-political justices of the Supreme Court  (abcnews.go.com)	(143)
(Some Blue Guy)		Sega finally gives fans what they want, makes Sonic The Hedgehog 4 without any shiatty side characters. Somehow, the game will still suck  (gamespot.com)	(84)
		The nomination for Cook County Board President goes to Toni Preckwinkle, who now must endure constant snickering every time someone says her name  (chicagotribune.com)	(24)
		Fractures emerge as Tea Party factions can't decide to destroy The Republican Party from the inside or the outside  (cnn.com)	(200)
(Some Guy w. a Shag Haircut)		Rough week for 70's teen idols: first Leif Garrett popped for heroin, now Sean Cassidy arrested for sex with underage girl. Tiger Beat arrest trifecta now in play  (badjocksnews.com)	(105)

		Everybody loved last week's episode of Ask Barack so much there's been a petition started to make it a regular occurrence. Who wouldn't want to tune in to watch the President verbally biatch slap Republicans on a weekly basis?  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(198)
		Further proving that the health care debacle has flipped a switch in the president's brain, Obama agrees to meet Dalai Lama  (washingtonpost.com)	(107)
(Prefix)		Flaming Lips to headline first night of Bonnaroo festival by lulling audience to sleep with their entire version of "Dark Side of the Moon"  (prefixmag.com)	(68)
		Darth Vader beats prostate cancer. Now you know the power of the dark side  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(54)
		President Obama handed a PDB titled "Al Qaeda determined to strike in US by July 2010." Let's see what happens  (usatoday.com)	(445)
		President Obama fulfills promise to eliminate corporate cronyism in federal government. Just kidding, his weatherization chief has been giving handouts to her business exec husband's tiny window company  (townhall.com)	(58)

		Obama to cut farm subsidies, threatening one of three remaining bastions of communism in the Western hemisphere, the others being Cuba and the Pennsylvania liquor system    (desmoinesregister.com)	(128)
		US President to respond to questions posed by the educated and literate commentators of Youtube  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(180)

		Socialist President Obama wants to privatize much of NASA and... wait, what?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(211)
(Political Wire)		Steele rules out presidential bid. Subby rules out serious long term relationship with Jessica Alba  (politicalwire.com)	(82)
		Uh oh... the new Republican messiah just went on national television and reaffirmed his support for Roe v. Wade. Bonus: he also said he thinks Palin is qualified to be President  (huffingtonpost.com)	(429)
		Clowns crying on the inside as parents ditch expensive birthday parties  (customwire.ap.org)	(50)
		While John Edwards continues to get hammered here for his love child, the president of South Africa just fathered his 20th child, this time with the daughter of a friend  (telegraph.co.uk)	(216)
(Soviet Canuckistan)		"...one cannot look through the list of President Obama's strange and demented policy czars without spotting so many Holden Caulfields, nor escape their ever-presence among the talking heads of MSNBC..."  (ottawacitizen.com)	(114)

		Long Island makes a bid for its own tag as residents flee in terror from wild packs of... beagles? Snoopy unavailable for comment  (nypost.com)	(108)
		The superstitions of politicians: Obama's strategist carried quartz for good luck, Indira Gandhi consulted soothsayers, and Pakistan's president kills a goat every day. Wait, what?  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(72)
		Billboards urge Massachusetts residents to buy their beer in tax-free New Hampshire, an act punishable by a year in jail if police ever run out of other laws to enforce  (boston.com)	(103)
(KPTV)		Teen crashes into bowling alley. While car does not strike anyone, front of building is split open. Owners say timing of the accident helped spare those inside from any injury  (kptv.com)	(63)
		A Montana family responds to criticism and harassement for flying their American flag upside down to indicate our country is in a "state of emergency."  (billingsgazette.com)	(178)
(Albany Times Union)		Good Samaritan stops to help injured people after taxi flips over. Just kidding, he robbed it while the people were trapped inside  (timesunion.com)	(29)

		NYPD leaves his marked highway patrol vehicle with a loaded shotgun inside running while he runs into a diner. What could possibly go wrong?  (nypost.com)	(81)
(Contemporist)		Photoshop this spindly, wiry side table  (contemporist.com)	(45)
		After giving an inspiring State of the Union speech and sitting down with Republicans this week, President Obama goes to a basketball game, takes over analyst duties, and boldly tells the audience that Duke sucks. What can this guy not do?  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(56)
		Your state is going bankrupt. Do you: a) cut spending, b) raise taxes, c) pass a law doubling the existing state budget by paying the health care bills of all 37 million state residents  (michellemalkin.com)	(174)
		Pudgy male pols are considered more reliable and honest than their thinner counterparts. In other news, NJ has their most honest governor ever  (nydailynews.com)	(25)
		Residents of Mattapan neighborhood of Boston asked for library to give teenagers something to do. Years and $17 million later they're afraid to go to new library because it's full of teenagers  (boston.com)	(83)
		Atheists demand their constitutional right not to have to lick Mother Teresa's backside  (foxnews.com)	(133)

		In a brilliant tactical move, President Obama agrees to listen to Republican ideas about the economy, health care, energy and other issues. FARK: But only if they spend the day in Baltimore  (myfoxdc.com)	(324)
		Kids allowed to drink at home tend to drink more outside the house, says research from University of Duh  (upi.com)	(72)
		94% of Bill O'Reilly's viewers give Obama an "A" for his first year, illustrating that only the elite can really understand how terrible a president he is  (dailykos.com)	(62)
		Do You think global warming is real and immediate action is needed to save the planet? Congratulations you tree-hugging traitor, you are on Osama bin Laden's side now  (news.yahoo.com)	(198)

(Some Guy)		"I am weary of the President's unspoken premise that only government--indeed, only the federal government--can accomplish good in our society."  (lp.org)	(245)
		We have a new leader in the "Most Vapid Sideline Bimbo" standings  (deadspin.com)	(123)
		The day after President Obama ripped lobbyists in the State of The Union address, K Street insiders get private briefings. Damn it man  (thehill.com)	(176)
		Argentina's president says pork leads to porking  (news.yahoo.com)	(79)
		Inside his jacket, officers reportedly found "a large knife, a window-punch tool and several pairs of female underwear."  (suntimes.com)	(59)
		Hillary almost gets her chance at the Presidency  (news.yahoo.com)	(38)

		Press secretary Gibbs says "The president is going to explain why he thinks the American people are angry and frustrated," He will then point at 535 people seated in front of him, then at himself  (abcnews.go.com)	(283)
		NATO considering negotiating a truce with Taliban in Afghanistan, consulting with former US president on designs for their own Mission Accomplished banner  (ctv.ca)	(69)
		Poll shows Scott Brown tied with Obama in a 2012 presidential contest. An unknown state legislator with no experience or accomplishments who spends a couple years in the Senate before running for president? Ridiculous, couldn't happen  (bostonherald.com)	(238)
		President Obama declares his membership in Who Dat Nation for the Super Bowl  (blogs.suntimes.com)	(108)

(Pitchfork)		Step aside, Lady Gaga. You've been out-weirded by Fever Ray's Karin Drejer. Seriously, What the HELL WAS THAT? (with vid)  (pitchfork.com)	(112)
		Haitian president says the situation in Port-au-Prince is tents  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(74)
		RNC is meeting this week in Hawaii (not a real state), to consider adopting a 10-point purity test  (guardian.co.uk)	(169)
		Wired says bullet trains are really coming to the US. North Haverbrook residents skeptical  (wired.com)	(102)
		If a nutty activist can't inflate a giant pink pig outside a school board meeting, the First Amendment has no meaning. With pic of pig and its owner  (pennlive.com)	(44)
		Sometimes science is hard work. Sometimes science is going outside to fly the model dinosaur  (wired.com)	(28)
		Consensus was that the hole in the ozone threatened the globe. Turns out the consensus is wrong: It's actually helping to slow global warming in the hemisphere where everybody stands upside-down  (news.scotsman.com)	(119)
(TV Squad)		The president is black, the New Orleans Saints are in the Super Bowl, and the History Channel just gave Larry the Cable Guy a TV show. We are through the looking glass here, people  (tvsquad.com)	(90)
		In the spirt of bipartianship, President Obama meets GOP halfway on their demands and says he'd rather be a good one-term president than a poor two-term president  (abcnews.go.com)	(213)

		Kirstie Alley: "I JUST ATE A side of beef, 2 kindergarteners, a hot tub of linguini, 3 Dalmatians, and a big plate of doughnuts"  (celebitchy.com)	(60)
		Saab owners stage a protest to save their beloved brand. Outside of an Ikea. In Chicago. Pretty sure this is a textbook case for Doing it Wrong  (chicagotribune.com)	(42)
		U.S. government considers adding historic Manhattan Project sites such as Hanford, Los Alamos, and Oak Ridge to national park system. Critics say idea is sure to bomb  (seattlepi.com)	(73)
		President Obama summoned for Illinois jury duty, says he can't make it because he's "busy" or something  (news.yahoo.com)	(149)

(sheboygan press)

One year ago, Jiffy the Border Collie was found morbidly obese and frozen to the sidewalk. Now: Jiffy has lost 40 lbs and can walk a mile without resting  (sheboyganpress.com)

(79)

(Some Guy)		The first pictures inside the tallest man-made waste of money ever built  (decodedstuff.com)	(227)
		Pulitzer Board denies National Enquirer prize for Edwards scoop, already awarded Pulitzer to Obama for presidential memoir he hasn't written yet    (abcnews.go.com)	(32)
		The Tea-party movement has turned its grass-roots rage on an inside Washington, Fat-cats only, event where polticians will pocket $100,000 speaking fees, and the cheapest ticket is $500. Unfortunately it's their own party convention  (news.yahoo.com)	(295)
(Some Realist)		Teacher suspended 30 days because of Facebook photo that shows her at a bridal shower that had a male stripper. Fark: Someone else posted the photo. Moral: Teachers aren't allowed to have lives outside of school  (post-gazette.com)	(352)
		French President Sarkozy to visit Rwanda, cites common history of hatred and contempt for Belgium  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(16)
		Hulu considers $5 monthly fee for older episodes. Who would pay $5 a month for content that they can get for free?    (latimes.com)	(63)

		Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you "The Wilhelm Scream Compilation". If you're not laughing so hard your face hurts by about 1/2 way through, you're dead inside  (youtube.com)	(56)
		President Obama blasts Supreme Court decision, saying the campaign finance ruling will lead to a "stampede of special interest money, " failing to add, "from groups that don't support me"  (breitbart.com)	(327)
		Michael Ironside on his new web series and why he can't help but be anything but a bad guy on screen  (iheartchaos.com)	(53)
(FiveThirtyEight)		This is why we can't have nice healthcare things -- One side's a bunch of shameless liars, the other side's gutless  (fivethirtyeight.com)	(168)
		President Obama congratulates Brown on a fine campaign. Just kidding, he blames Bush for the voters not picking a Democrat. "People are angry and they are frustrated because of what's happened over the last eight years"  (abcnews.go.com)	(220)
		Not news: Driver gets two tickets after police review speed camera. Fark: His car was parked (NSFWish sidebar image)  (telegraph.co.uk)	(81)
		President Obama unleashes his secret weapon: The Volckernator. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until all the bankers are dead  (nytimes.com)	(115)
		When Brown runs for President in 2012 he will actually be more qualified than Obama was when he ran  (news.yahoo.com)	(249)

		Harrison Ford says if you want to make a good flick in Hollywood these days, hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid  (foxnews.com)	(58)
		Today's Ready for Fark Headline: Man bites off cop's nipple during fight outside bar  (abc15.com)	(67)
		Britain considers ban on dental equipment  (news.yahoo.com)	(48)

		Brady center upset that President Obama has not sought violations of the United States Constitution  (thehill.com)	(304)
		"Nearly one year after he took the oath of office, the president Mr. Obama most closely resembles is Jimmy Carter"  (foxnews.com)	(335)

		It's all fun and games at the strip bar until a customer gets unhappy about a dance, grabs a gun, tries to rob the place, chases the dancer up to the roof, shoots the manager, sets a fire inside the club, and then dies  (azcentral.com)	(178)
		Cleveland Orchestra strikes over contract, payment issues. Cleveland residents wonder what the hell an orchestra is  (abcnews.go.com)	(36)
		Piñera wins Chilean presidency, promises smaller government and delicious pastries/coffee  (ft.com)	(35)
		The average salary of Public University Presidents rose to $436,111 last year. Thank you for educating our new homeless population  (nytimes.com)	(75)
(NewEurope.eu)		Here's an article that grades President Obama's first year. The grading is done by a socialist progressive commie gay atheist European, so he just *has* to get a good grade, right?  (neurope.eu)	(130)
		Leading heart surgeon, presumably dead inside, wants to ban butter to protect the nation's health. Could bacon be next?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(232)

		Two hecklers knock President Supercool off his game at political rally. Teleprompter got stuck on "Ask again later" and "Reply hazy, try again"  (hotair.com)	(441)
		Republican candidate for MA senate race tries to explain why a tax payer subsidized golf course was a more important priority than paying 9/11 rescue workers  (thinkprogress.org)	(68)
		6 bizarre Global Warming side effects. Even if you deniers disbelieve Global Warming, are you really willing to risk disrupting our beer supply?  (cracked.com)	(85)

Remember last week when Seattle offered Tony Dungy the job of team president? Reports now indicate that it was "clear tampering" since he is still under contract with the Colts  (indystar.com)

(21)

(Some Guy)		Not News: residents complain of ailments cause by radiation from new cell tower. Fark: turns out the tower isn't even on  (mybroadband.co.za)	(66)
		Karl Rove: Americans learned last year that President Obama discards campaign promises like most people discard used Kleenex  (online.wsj.com)	(213)
		Rush Limbaugh says he will not back off his criticism of Obama's response to Haiti, because "everything is political to this president."  (politico.com)	(219)
		Man impersonates baseball player in order to steal car. Police forced to release him when it's shown he claimed to be member of Chicago Cubs, which falls outside of MLB jurisdiction  (sltrib.com)	(12)
		Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak proclaims Google phone as his favorite gadget as the iPhone fangirl inside me starts to sob  (gizmodo.com)	(243)

		In attacking President Obama in defense of conservatism and the religious right, Glenn Beck quoted Thomas Jefferson: "question with boldness". The full Jefferson quote? "Question with boldness even the existence of a God."  (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)	(235)
		Chavez declares whale sperm, pickles, and codeine essential items. Citzens must also wear their underwear on the outside of their pants  (businessweek.com)	(92)
		Big stink blankets south Philly and Jersey. Not sure why this is considered news  (philly.com)	(73)
		Man escapes terrible fall when news crew warns him of ice on sidewalk. Just kidding, they filmed it  (youtube.com)	(16)

		Besides a half-pound of marijuana, psilocybin mushrooms, hashish and drug paraphernalia, the car also held two rifles, a machete, a hatchet, a samurai sword and knives. With "man this blows" photo goodness of a typical Oregon Commuter  (oregonlive.com)	(146)
		Texas school board redefining history curriculum "He'll also ask the board to reconsider mentioning makeup entrepreneur Mary Kay Ash more often than Christopher Columbus in the curriculum standard." Wait....what?  (foxnews.com)	(165)
		President Obama plans on asking Congress for an even bigger war budget than President Bush. Suck it Nobel Committee  (news.yahoo.com)	(256)
		Beverly Hills is going to kick non-resident, or so-called "permit students" in kindergarden through 8th grade students out of their schools. Some people seem to have a problem with this  (news.yahoo.com)	(159)

Former Bush DOJ lawyer and "torture memo" author John Yoo describing his many briefings with the President crafting the administration's views on what is and isn't torture: "I've never met the man."  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)

(72)

		Summing up the whole Reid/Lott brouhaha in one sentence: "One guy is talking, perhaps inelegantly, about why he's wholeheartedly supporting our first black president; the other is wishing the country had elected a racist."  (salon.com)	(254)
		In a move that surprises nobody outside of St. Louis, Mark McGwire admits to steroid usage  (abcnews.go.com)	(396)
		Country hatches plan to crack down on egg-laying chickens, family to shell out money over easy appeal, tries to see the sunny side up  (sacbee.com)	(38)

		Woman shot during a screening of Avatar. Considering what she was watching, it's highly likely she shot herself  (slashfilm.com)	(273)
(Some Guy)		Obama sets aside $7.2 billion for broadband expansion, and by broadband he means 768k/sec  (govtech.com)	(129)
		Town considers law protecting woman's right to choose how she does laundry  (boston.com)	(111)

		Iranian President Ahmadinejad slams tiny fist down, demands compensation for WWI and WWII. No, seriously  (foxnews.com)	(193)
(Some Guy)		Some Texas city mayor opens cold weather shelter for pets for this recent arctic cold front, is having police cite owners for cruelty if any pets seen left chained outside at this time  (valleycentral.com)	(226)
		Side-by-side comparison of Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno dealing with their awkward situation in monolgue form on the left. Farkers arguing over who's funnier on the right  (examiner.com)	(90)
		Pundit believes only way to bring about peace in the Middle East is by outside forceful intervention. Because that has worked so well before  (cbsnews.com)	(42)
		Take one Mercedes Benz SLS AMG, add a tunnel and a healthy portion of speed. Result: Driving upside down. (the money shot starts at about 2:00 in)  (youtube.com)	(84)

		Robert Gibbs finally answers the most pressing question of the day: "I don't foresee a scenario in which millions people who hope to finally get some conclusion with 'Lost' are preempted by the president."  (huffingtonpost.com)	(60)
		Man plans to save President Obama from armed revolution by Mormon extremists, if they just let him out of jail  (mercurynews.com)	(69)
		For every mad scientist waiting for a thunderstorm, there are at least a dozen math nerds in a lab creating what they consider "the most beautiful math structure ever"  (newscientist.com)	(35)
(can you hear me now?)		Nimbies fight installation of cell tower. Inside a church steeple. Where no one can see it  (eagletribune.com)	(77)
		Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange apparently inspired by another broadcaster, Harry Caray  (sfgate.com)	(192)
		Mexico demands that Starbucks pay them for the use of ancient Aztec images. Starbucks considers serving only decaf in Mexico until the country chills the fark out  (money.canoe.ca)	(149)

		Obama considering pushing State of the Union address back to February 2nd in hopes the Health Care Bill is passed by then. The problem? He's in danger of pissing off a very passionate, vocal demographic: "Lost" fans  (washingtonpost.com)	(99)
		Today's talk radio poutrage? President Obama commissions 1984 style billboard in Times Square. Book it. Done  (foxnews.com)	(183)

After finishing 5-11, Cleveland Browns consider replacing head coach Eric Mangini with Marty Mornhinweg, who last coached the Detroit Lions to a 5-27 record over two seasons  (sports.yahoo.com)

(72)

(CO Spring Gazette)		In Colorado, a banjo is considered a deadly weapon, at least when you hit someone in the head with it. Otherwise, it's just a deadly instrument  (gazette.com)	(67)
		Fourteen months after being the GOP candidate for President, John McCain now faces not winning the GOP Senate primary in Arizona because he's not conservative enough  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(144)
		Time Magazine calls out the President for not creating as many stars as he should have. A somewhat nebulous argument, i'm sure you'll agree  (time.com)	(33)
		Mr. Bean temporarilly stands in as Spanish president, world wonders how anybody noticed the difference  (telegraph.co.uk)	(21)
		We have Al Qaeda on the run... except for their double agent who took out the command and control structure for intelligence in Afghanistan. Aside from that? We're totally winning  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(126)
		French Armored bank van has a Ronin with robbers packing serious Heat. The Score was several million euros. No word if authorities are pursuing The Usual Suspects or an Inside Man  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(51)
		President Obama announces that all airline passengers will be strapped to the wings of the plane to decrease security risks, feed gremlins    (cbsnews.com)	(42)

		This is a great time to be a golfer in Phoenix. However, it's a really crappy time to be a golf course owner or to live next to a golf course in Phoenix. "There's going to be 6-foot weeds outside their back door"  (azcentral.com)	(29)
		Old news: Chia pets and pet rocks. New: Designer rings with live plants growing inside them instead of precious stones  (telegraph.co.uk)	(69)
(WKTV)		In hindsight, perhaps going around table to table inside your local Applebees wasn't the greatest strategy in selling your stash of weed  (wktv.com)	(54)
		Attention Tea-baggers: No matter how principled your disagreement with the administration's policies, that message gets lost when you express it by hanging an effigy of the president from a noose  (news.yahoo.com)	(322)
		An inside job from both the Colts and Bengals third string help the playoff bound New York Jets take down two powerful structures for the first time since 9/11  (sports-ak.espn.go.com)	(162)

		Howard Stern sidekick and heroin afficianado Artie Lange rushed to the hospital. Again. This is not a repeat from last week, three weeks ago, a month back, Thanksgiving, Flag Day, or 2000-2008  (examiner.com)	(84)
		The flip side to "why did Indy pull their starters?": Patriot Wes Welker leaves game after knee injury in meaningless game  (sports.espn.go.com)	(74)

		"The Mayo Clinic, praised by President Barack Obama as a national model for efficient health care, will stop accepting Medicare patients at one of its primary-care clinics."  (bloomberg.com)	(154)
		Man who burglarized Sen. Chris Dodd's office dies of injuries in prison. You might want to consider keeping your Banking Committee and Healthcare Reform criticisms to yourself  (courant.com)	(61)
		Not news: Fitting into old jeans. News: Considering this accomplishment better than sex, along with 35% of British females. Farking Obvious: Poll conducted by marketers of Special K cereal  (telegraph.co.uk)	(101)

		Happy New Year, residents of Springfield Road in South River, Newfoundland  (fark.com)	(50)
		Democrats move to change Presidential election rules. How conveeeenient  (thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com)	(144)
		Karl Rove has some harsh advice for President Obama's 2010  (online.wsj.com)	(139)

		US plans surprise attack on Al Qaida. With picture of what the inside of Obama's nose actually looks like  (guardian.co.uk)	(82)
		After careful consideration, the guys at TSG have come up with the mug shots of the decade. If you thought 2009 was bad, just you wait  (thesmokinggun.com)	(157)
		Posh hotel rudely turns away a columnist after she maxed out her credit cards during the holidays. I mean, she was left outside like a homeless person with her Prada bag and everything. UNBELIEVABLE  (dailymail.co.uk)	(246)
		From the same folks who assured us that Sarah Palin was a viable vice-presidential candidate, here are the NRO editorial staff's political predictions for 2010  (article.nationalreview.com)	(134)
(Some Leadfoot)		Conservative and liberal speeders agree, Barack Hussein Obama is the best president ever  (kitv.com)	(40)

		Mistake #1: going to Wal-Mart. Mistake #2: buying a can of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni. Mistake #3: thinking Wal-Mart will help when you find a giant mold culture growing inside the can (w/disgusting pic)  (consumerist.com)	(358)
		After a sleepless, overnight flight to Oslo to accept the Nobel Peace Prize earlier this month, President Barack Obama made a not altogether surprising admission. He was tired  (myfoxdc.com)	(90)
		A bipartisan group of US Senators work throughout the night to come to a compromise on important legislation. Is it: A) Health care reform, B) Airline security and safety, or C) Awarding themselves farm subsidy money?  (dailykos.com)	(56)
		Indiana GOP offers purity test to purge candidates that disagree with more than 80% of the party platform. You know who else demanded ideological purity and purged dissidents?  (indystar.com)	(298)
		Orly Taitz thinks "it might be a good time to start rallies and protests using our second amendment right to bare arms" against our "Kenyan, Indonesian communist usurper" President. Yeah, good luck with all that  (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(246)
		Inside the Boeing 787 Dreamliner: progressive LED, 65% larger windows, serrated engine nacelles, and motherfarkin' automated snake catcher  (edition.cnn.com)	(97)

		You know that picture of President Kennedy on the boat with the naked girls? Yeah about that (image in link is NSFW)  (thesmokinggun.com)	(188)
		"In a setback for U.S. interests in Central America, voters in Honduras elect, as their new president, Rod Blagojevich"  (miamiherald.com)	(47)

(Some Guy)		Not News: Student punished for sneaking out of school. News: Student's punishment is standing outside in the cold. Fark: Principal goes drinking and leaves student to die  (chinadaily.com.cn)	(149)
		Tuberculosis, now available in new ultra-strength. Ask your mortician if TB XXDR is right for you. Side effects may include coughing, darkened skin, and extermination of humanity  (abcnews.go.com)	(105)

"Let's just say it outright: This is a movie about alien porn. It's about the great, timeless, hypererotic white man fantasy of the Other. Inhabiting it, having sex with it, becoming it, moving inside it"  (sfgate.com)

(125)

"Imagine the outrage if any Republican President went on vacation during a recession and spent $4,000 a night on accommodations." Hey, at least Dubya's 77 visits to Crawford were rent-free, right?  (newsbusters.org)

(167)

(Some Jewish Santa)		"I wanna be Santa. My qualifications? I'm Jewish, a teacher, Fulbright scholar, Guggenheim fellow and author of 14 books. I have a beard. For 53 years I have wanted to participate as other than an envious Christmas outsider"  (metrosantacruz.com)	(96)
(Some Guy)		Here is your Oregon tsunami evacuation map. Basically, residents should flee to anywhere that isn't Oregon, like the smart people did years ago  (geology.com)	(56)
		You're an action hero starring in a multi-billion dollar thriller as the king of a dying state. You have the accent, the body, the girl. What's missing? If you guessed "black sidekick," you win  (businessweek.com)	(74)
		Old and busted: Crying over spilled milk. New hotness: Punching and holding the head of a woman under water in a roadside ditch over spilled ice cream  (myfoxdc.com)	(29)
		McCain and the GOP are secretly trying to sway Rep. Chris Carney (D-Penn) to switch sides, says Carney. But don't tell anyone. It's a secret  (news.yahoo.com)	(36)
		In the 90s, the two best selling back catalogue CDs were Bob Marley's "Legend" and Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon." In the 00s, the top selling CD was...Bob Seger's Greatest Hits  (avclub.com)	(85)

		"Secret Santa" pays $1000 to local utility office to stop utilities shutoff for as many residents as possible because, you know, Christmas is all about consumerism & stuff  (azcentral.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)		The police were pulling over everyone driving down that sidewalk. That's profiling, which is of course, wrong  (summitdaily.com)	(39)
(BBR)		After suing Verizon, losing, hiring Luke Wilson, bragging about being popular, blaming users, blaming Apple, and generally doing everything but improve their network, AT&T now to consider moving to WiFi  (broadbandreports.com)	(61)
		President Obama today: "I didn't campaign on the public option." Candidate Obama then: My plan "[o]ffers a public health insurance option"  (salon.com)	(287)
		Dutch court considers removing young girl sailor from her father's custody, concerned about her rudderless upbringing  (abcnews.go.com)	(40)
		Here is the best video you will see today of a hawk flying inside an Ace hardware store  (news.yahoo.com)	(16)
		Family that lives 18 miles from ocean finds baby seal in their yard, decides to consider it a Christmas present and name it Rudolph. "It looked like a huge slimy cat" (pics)  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(57)

		Besides delaying your flights, the FAA is throwing $5 million Christmas parties  (abcnews.go.com)	(59)
		Rep. Bachmann (R-Lunatic), a fervent anti-socialist, refuses to accept federal farm subsidies she's entitled to. Just kidding. Her family farm received over $250,000 in subsidies between '95 and '06  (politico.com)	(132)
(Some Guy)		Flaming Lips' "Dark Side of the Moon" available today, with Henry Rollins and Peaches as guest vocalist, in case you wanted to fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way  (nme.com)	(61)
		Canada considers putting anti-cancer enzyme in french fries and potato chips, kind of like how they used to put chemotherapy in your old CRT TV  (google.com)	(37)
		New Jersey's Republican governor-elect to slash state spending and programs by 25 percent. Essential programs such as hair gel subsidies are exempt  (nj.com)	(192)
		MPAA considers "pot smoking with no bad consequences" deserves R-Rating. Like, harsh dude  (cinematical.com)	(66)
		Police disarm suspected suicide bomber with two eggs over easy and a side of hash browns  (telegraph.co.uk)	(52)
(Family Guy)		Family Guy crosses over to the something something something dark side. This will make your something something collection complete. (Sponsored link)  (amazon.com)	(201)
		When considering making charitable donations this holiday season, here is one organzation you may have overlooked  (wbbm780.com)	(41)
(Some Guy)		"The birthers, the militias, the lifers- it is unbearable to them for the presidency of Barack Obama to exist....the lying time is over....there will be a reckoning."  (thejoshuablogs.blogspot.com)	(277)
(Science Magazine)		President Obama will ask Congress to give NASA an additional $1 Billion next year for its manned spaceflight program  (blogs.sciencemag.org)	(158)

Location of Pete Townshend's first smashed guitar declared historial building. Stage where Jim Morrison pulled down his pants, hotel room where Bowie slept with Jagger and first show Iggy Pop passed out while on stage considered next  (contactmusic.com)

(8)

		After careful consideration, government realizes that not giving free tampons to mental hospital patients would be bloody awful  (edmontonjournal.com)	(85)
		Blizzard forces nude bicycle protestors to roll on Shabbos bundled up from head to toe through Hasidic neighborhood  (npr.org)	(109)

		Dave Mustaine says neck problems, the silliness of eighties metal are making him consider retirement  (contactmusic.com)	(29)
		Man waiting for teller in a bank decides to text his girlfriend that there's a man with a gun inside. Swarms of responding police officers think that joke is jailarious  (cbs2chicago.com)	(116)
		Former U.S. Representative James Traficant claims that he is "proud to be an ex-con" and that he's considering a return to politics. Meanwhile, the giant rodent which resides upon his head refused all press requests for a comment  (msnbc.msn.com)	(55)

		Scientists have discovered 419 million-year-old DNA intact inside ancient salt deposits, your mom  (msnbc.msn.com)	(78)
(Asbury Park Press)		You think the woman you are driving behind is going too slow. Do you, c) pull alondside the car and threaten the passenger with a knife?  (app.com)	(163)
		A private Canadian company says it will plant 1,176 trees to offset the carbon emitted by Air Force One when it carries President Barack Obama to Copenhagen for the international climate conference  (cnsnews.com)	(240)
		"Liberals are turning against President Obama with an energy that until now has been reserved for Fox News viewers..."  (washingtonpost.com)	(318)
		By signing the Copenhagen Climate treaty, President Obama would be a violating the US Constitution  (foxnews.com)	(261)

		Puget Sound residents should be preparing for "megathrust tremor swarms"...giggity  (sciencedaily.com)	(62)
		Sandra Bullock "stunned" by Golden Globes. Really, why else would any man see the Blind Side if not to stare at her Golden Globes?  (contactmusic.com)	(103)

		Despite no scientific evidence that radiation from cell phones poses any health risk, San Francisco considers mandating "radiation level" labels on all new phones  (google.com)	(69)
		Calgary considers mandating sprinkler systems in every new house. They must be really love their lawns  (calgaryherald.com)	(138)
		"Up in the Air" and "Nine" lead in Golden Globe nominations with 6 and 5 respectively, which is pretty impressive considering, you know, neither one of them have been released yet  (cinematical.com)	(60)
		President Obama LOVES the caulk  (hosted.ap.org)	(192)
		Thugs shoot their handguns sideways because it looks gangsta...and they've been missing their intended targets for more than a hundred years  (slate.com)	(531)
		Fat Cat Wall Street plutocrats know exactly which side their bread is buttered on...which is why they gave so much money to Obama  (nypost.com)	(199)
(Econlib.org)		Philosophers surveyed over philosophers' philisophies consider themselves adept at describing other philosophers' views. That, along with the sheep dip and the raisin' of the wrist  (econlog.econlib.org)	(96)

		Nobel prize winner, former US Vice President, author, film maker, all-around nice guy with a huge penis, Al Gore: "Polar ice may be completely gone by 2014."  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(285)
		John Lydon wants credit for all the bands he influenced: "Oasis annoy me, you know? The voice annoys me. He could've come up with his own thing"  (contactmusic.com)	(26)
		The nominees for Time's Person of the Year 2009 are Steve Jobs, Ben Bernanke, The Chinese Worker, Nancy Pelosi, Gen. Stanley McChrystal, Usain Bolt, and President Barack Obama. And subby, for saving you from another slideshow  (huffingtonpost.com)	(203)
		Three things Obama and Congress can do now to save jobs: Repeal sugar subsidies, end prevailing wage requirements, and reduce the minimum wage. They could also enact the Don't Hold Your Breath Act of 2009  (washingtonpost.com)	(395)
		President Barack Obama gave himself "a good solid B-plus" grade for his first year in office, good thing his score on the U.S. Constitution Exam won't affect his GPA  (news.yahoo.com)	(624)

		Side jobs that doctors have: 1) Public Speakers; 2) Authors; 3) Researchers; 4) Punk Rockers. Huh, ...WTF?  (detnews.com)	(113)
		Animated movie about a black princess that turns into a frog beats movie from Clint Eastwood about a black man that went from anti-apartheid activist to president. That's almost as bad as watching Twilight, America  (variety.com)	(155)
		SHMHC hopes to bring some Unconditional joy to a Mad Bassist, but he'll still be a Prong in someone's side  (youtube.com)	(97)
		After being told the Cold War ended in 1991, Britain considers scrapping their ballistic missile submarines to save money  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(45)
		News: President Obama wishes everyone a happy Hanukkah. Fark: Immediately, the Birthers claim he was born in Israel. Total Fark: This is not from the Onion  (huffingtonpost.com)	(134)

The Big10(11) to consider becoming The Big10(12). Debate about who (12) could be to the right  (rivals.yahoo.com)

(150)

(Some Guy)		It took the highest court in Nebraska to determine walking from the parking lot to your workplace is not considered commuting  (ketv.com)	(52)
		Neal Boortz "Well said, Mr. President"  (boortz.com)	(265)
(NME)		The White Stripes will release a limited edition documentary boxed set that will retail for $179. Their fans will have to work extra hard playing acoustic sets outside of Borders in order to afford it  (nme.com)	(33)
		In one of those rare times you can side with him, Axl Rose punches out Paparazzi for harassing an old lady, then actually shows up on stage on time  (tmz.com)	(24)
		Seattle Times Sideline Chatter enjoyed Fark's Danica Patrick fragrance headline  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(1)
		If you have the body of former Cyprus president Tassos Papadopoulos, that's pretty cool. Also, the police would like to speak with you  (theglobeandmail.com)	(50)

(KING-5)		Slow news day in Seattle upgraded from "It's farking cold outside" to "Bovine trapped in frozen creek"  (king5.com)	(183)
		GOP is planning to undermine the President of the United States on the world stage. Now that's Patrioticism  (foxnews.com)	(686)
(NME)		Sonic Youth say they are going into the studio early next year, which means we may have something to look forward to in 2010 besides the new Arcade Fire album  (nme.com)	(23)
		The best guitar pickin' this side of your mama's trailor park. (bonus: ABBA)  (youtube.com)	(29)
		Obama demands Republicans stop scaring people, saying that's Democrats' job. Besides, he has charts showing everything is improving. As every Farker knows, charts bring stupid arguments to a screeching halt  (thehill.com)	(105)
		Chemical compound found in hops may prevent prostate cancer. It probably doesn't, but drink your beer, just to be on the safe side  (usatoday.com)	(44)

		Religion in America is now similar to a mix 'n match value menu. You can order a crispy ranch melt, three cheezapeno poppers and a choconut bar to fill the empty void inside, but you will have no idea what you just ate or why you wanted it  (msnbc.msn.com)	(334)
		French researchers immediately surrender to newly discovered giant virus that lives inside amoebae which contains genetic material from several other species  (physorg.com)	(51)
		"I remembered thinking, 'Whoa, this is scary,' as it whirled around, almost knocking me down," At least Microsoft is on our side for the robot wars of the future  (physorg.com)	(16)
		In an op-ed, Sarah Palin "wrote" that the President should boycott Copenhagen because she's "always believed that policy should be based on sound science, not politics." Sound science, like the Bible  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(299)
		New AOL has a tough fight says new president, Kenneth the intern  (money.cnn.com)	(38)
		"The influence of reality TV has been insidious, pervasive. It has ruined television, and by ruining television it has ruined America. Maybe America was already ruined, but if so, it's now even more ruined"  (vanityfair.com)	(117)
		Top 10 annoying movie sidekicks. Guess who's number one?  (denofgeek.com)	(260)

		Hipsters and Hasids battle over bike paths on Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn  (nypost.com)	(202)
		If you find dead bear remains on the side of the road, let 'em go, man, cause they're gone  (orlandosentinel.com)	(60)
		Liberal President gives liberal speech on liberal policies at liberal think-tank to liberal crowd, is covered by liberal media. It's like the Bush years all over again, but in Bizarro world  (guardian.co.uk)	(113)
		President Obama settles lawsuit with American Indians, resulting in $1.4 billion dollar payout. In other news, plans for the new Hopenchange Casino moving forward  (abcnews.go.com)	(103)
		Iran's president has documented evidence the U.S. is blocking the return of the Twelfth Imam, mankind's savior. Or maybe that was 'demented evidence'  (foxnews.com)	(116)
(Some Chick)		Four days after a red can was placed on the customer service counter at a Kmart employees finally opened it to find springy snakes shooting out. Nah, just kidding...there was $10,380 inside  (kcrg.com)	(40)

(Some Guy)		PETA would like to place a statue of an angry, bandaged, bloodied, crippled chicken on crutches on a Louisville sidewalk. Louisville coincidentally is the home of KFC  (courier-journal.com)	(349)
		Struggling to decide on a Christmas present for your wife this year? Have you considered paying someone to shove a large refrigerated metal device into her genitals?  (gawker.com)	(125)
		Butterfly attempts to fly inside the International Space Station. Hilarity ensues  (youtube.com)	(70)

		Sandra Bullock's "Blind Side," the story about a Baltimore Ravens lineman, managed to slay Twilight for the weekend box office. Kind of a lateral move, though  (variety.com)	(50)
		ABC News to Obama: How can we kiss your ass, Mr. President?  (dailykos.com)	(286)
		Court rules that whatever the hell stay-at-home moms do all day, it sure isn't 'work' by any definition and they're not entitled to benefits outside of the satisfaction of knowing they just made a really good sammich  (thelocal.se)	(64)
		Some Conservatives want Cheney to have a third term as President  (chicagotribune.com)	(114)
		Seattle Times Sideline Chatter weighs in on Fark's Mangino resignation headline  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(0)
		The video representation of every dating website result (consider it not safe for work)  (youtube.com)	(26)

(Eagle Tribune)		Class President, straight-A student who is "rather cocky in my intelligence, and ... definitely an intellectual elitist" reveals just how colossally stupid he is  (eagletribune.com)	(278)
		How curbside recycling is destroying the planet  (nationalpost.com)	(44)
		Roger Ebert: "New Agers and Creationists should not be President"  (blogs.suntimes.com)	(226)
		School board considers whether after-hours bake sales should be required to sell 100% inedible "nutritional" crap or only 50%  (metrowestdailynews.com)	(29)
		Contrary to what the fearmongering Obamabots would have you believe, the president hasn't received more threats than his predecessors  (weeklystandard.com)	(85)
		Having solved all other problems, Texas legislature is considering banning tanning salons for teenagers  (statesman.com)	(66)
		Trio of singing soldiers who raise money for injured comrades told they can't wear their uniforms when they sing God Save The Queen in front of the Queen because it's considered moonlighting  (thesun.co.uk)	(20)
		Doing all your shopping on the Internet is quick, convenient and painless - until the postal service gets hold of your packages, runs over them with a truck and leaves them in a garbage can outside your house  (dailymail.co.uk)	(50)

		For decades its residents would have been pleased to inform you that all life on Earth probably started in Canada, but now there may be science to prove it  (canada.com)	(42)
		Lou Dobbs: "Who the hell does the President think he is?" Ummm.... the President?  (huffingtonpost.com)	(81)
		Jay Nordlinger discussing the history of the teabaggers: "this brings up the question of whether "teabagger" could be kind of a conservative N-word: to be used in the family, but radioactive outside the family"  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(171)
		Lloyds TSB tells the British government to "go fark yourselves" and pays their employees massive bonuses. Considering the British government owns the bank, this might be a problem  (business.timesonline.co.uk)	(14)
		Sarah Palin's presidential campaign will focus on substantive policy issues. Just kidding: she's already talking secret Muslim conspiracy. In Alaska, you can see Palin/Taitz 2012 campaign signs from your porch  (politico.com)	(317)
		Police charge man with "chicken-licking." Apparently this is a crime outside Kentucky  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(41)

		Concerned citizens of San Francisco: People are having sex outside at the leather fair. Leather men: Then we'll put up "sex tents." City supervisor: Sounds good to me  (sfgate.com)	(264)
		New Gingrich supports the President's decision for a troop surge. Not a repeat from 2007. Seriously, its not  (finance.yahoo.com)	(161)
		"There weren't a lot of surprises in President Obama's Afghanistan speech last night, but here's one: The president quietly repudiated the myth that Iraq has nothing to do with al Qaeda."  (online.wsj.com)	(230)
		Karl Rove: "President Barack Obama's speech on Tuesday night deserves to be cheered." Wait. What?  (online.wsj.com)	(147)

		Obama to welcome president of Lebanon to White House later this month. No word yet if Obama will bow to the guy or curtsey or just throw himself flat at his feet  (uk.news.yahoo.com)	(227)
		Glenn Greenwald discovers that a blank slate candidate who runs on vagueries one can read whatever one wants into produces a blank slate president who governs by vagueries one can read whatever one wants into  (salon.com)	(99)
		In the aftermath of his speech at West Point, President Obama is facing a new reality  (politico.com)	(364)
		Man files human rights lawsuit after store bars him from bringing his service animal inside. It's a chihuahua. It's for his depression  (cbc.ca)	(198)

		Former Sith Lord Dick Cheney claims President Obama is projecting "weakness" to adversaries. Also claims he did nothing wrong in Iraq, Afghanistan, Naboo  (politico.com)	(143)
		This year's bad sex award goes to the man who described sex as "a jolt that emptied my head like a spoon scraping the inside of a soft-boiled egg." He really needs to find a new oeuvre  (smh.com.au)	(46)
		If you're going to piss off the President of the United States by crashing his first State Dinner you might as well get in some practice before hand by crashing the Congressional Black Caucus Awards Dinner  (myfoxdc.com)	(70)
		"James T Kirk, the Star Trek captain, was based on a young new president, John F Kennedy... the Obama administration is part of a 1960s-type revival. Except this time, Kirk isn't in charge. Spock is"  (3news.co.nz)	(173)
		Dancing queen attending the "World's Largest Disco" Saturday night spills his beer on a man. Tries to hustle away but the man and his four friends le freak on him, turn him upside down. The good news is he's stayin' alive  (buffalonews.com)	(34)
		President Obama's address on Tuesday is pre-emptying "A Charlie Brown Christmas." This is bad news... for wah-wah-wah wah-wah  (mediabistro.com)	(149)

		Man 'walking like Frankenstein' says 'hemmer, hammer hammer' while smashing TVs inside Target  (myfoxtwincities.com)	(154)
		Burglar patiently explains to residents' children that "Obama let him in" while taking a shower  (nwfdailynews.com)	(97)
		Ladies and Gentlemen, The President of the United States, Dick Cheney  (newsweek.com)	(229)

		Brad Pitt: Hey New Orleans, here are some new, affordable, efficient, hurricane-resistant houses for residents to move back into. Residents: They look yucky  (travel.nytimes.com)	(84)
		Can Dennis Dixon beat the Ravens? Can the Texans knock the Colts from the ranks of the unbeaten? Will anyone outside of Seattle and St. Louis watch the Seahawks and the Rams? Welcome to the NFL Week 12 discussion thread  (sports.espn.go.com)	(3322)
		Patient: "It hurts when I do this." Doctor: "Yes, well, have you considered how that impacts the planet?"  (telegraph.co.uk)	(94)
		Volunteers of America say they can't even afford to pay sidewalk Santas coal this year  (myfoxny.com)	(24)

		"Obama will deliver his first State of the Union address having accomplished more than any other postwar American president at a comparable point in his presidency."  (slate.com)	(352)
		Vancouver (Nanny State Jr.) considers altering law to order all residents to clear their own sidewalks in case of snow, or else face fine  (cbc.ca)	(177)
		How to entertain yourself in Manhattan: Super-glue an iPhone to the sidewalk in front of the Apple store  (liveleak.com)	(66)
		Caption the President and his party crashers  (d.yimg.com)	(116)
		Residents of Michigan town don't want it turned into Guantanamo North to make money: "We don't want the rock stars of the jihad here. I'm a Christian conservative just like Sarah Palin. We don't want terrorists here"  (guardian.co.uk)	(527)

		The best timelapse wrestling video you'll see this side of Robot Chicken  (media.theage.com.au)	(51)
		Seattle Times Sideline Chatter has a laugh at Fark's New York Yankee's free agent headline  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(0)
		NASCAR's national TV ratings haven't crashed, but they're scraping the outside wall on every turn  (usatoday.com)	(75)

		"It's now official: So in vogue are attacks on President Obama that even his proclamation calling the nation to a day of Thanksgiving has become the focus of criticism"  (washingtonpost.com)	(276)
		Anonymous reviewer says that Avatar, at $237 million, is "literally vomit inducing." Makers of Gigli consider trademark-infringement lawsuit  (guardian.co.uk)	(187)

		President Hopey McChange decides to not sign an international treaty banning land mines and will stick to the Bush-era policy instead  (sfgate.com)	(349)
		Dana Perino, former Press Secretary for George W. Bush: "We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush's term" (Video)  (mediamatters.org)	(390)

		Star Wars Facebook status updates. Something something Dark Side something something  (collegehumor.com)	(97)
		Mr. Obama has already played 25 rounds of golf, a sport he picked up about a decade ago when he was an Illinois state senator. That's more golf than former President George W. Bush played in two terms  (online.wsj.com)	(291)
		President Obama plans to "finish the job" in Afghanistan, adding that he's not sure what the "job" is, but that the public will support it as soon as there is a "clear rationale for what we're doing there."  (breitbart.com)	(192)
		Scientists witness grandma macaques intervening to take care of grandchildren in place of incompetent or missing parents, primate behavior never before seen outside of Homo sapiens trailerparkensis  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(19)
		As President, I believe that robotics can inspire young people to pursue science and engineering. And I also want to keep an eye on those robots in case they try anything  (gizmodo.com)	(106)
		You're feuding with the editor of a rival newspaper. Do you c) Commission a naked sculpture of him with a six metre erection for the side of your building (with Not safe for work pic)  (thelocal.de)	(70)
		Lost: President. Tall and well-dressed, age 48. Enjoys basketball and golf. Has "keen moral clarity." If found, contact the American Left, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington, DC  (washingtonpost.com)	(122)
		Britain opens official inquiry into Iraq war, appoints insider to run it. Expect hard-hitting answers like "Iraq is in the desert," "soldiers fought there," "pie tastes good"  (nytimes.com)	(70)
(Some Guy)		Campaign season for next Philippine presidential election gets underway, with "Samia Chicken" and "Ultimate Messiah" declaring their candidacies  (thehimalayantimes.com)	(43)
		Producers Guild of America bestows their highest award on Joss Whedon...for his work outside of television  (io9.com)	(22)
		GOP goes dumpster diving outside ACORN office, shortly after AG investigation announcement  (nbclosangeles.com)	(308)
(Some Guy)		Caption President Obama and his staff overlooking a computer  (topcultured.com)	(235)

		In a fantastic leap of logic, scientists propose that some sort of 'flowing air' might someday be used to generate electricity. If only this 'flowing air' phenomenon occurred naturally outside of a laboratory  (telegraph.co.uk)	(31)
		Crack open your neighbor's skull and feast on the goo inside: Since the Kyoto treaty in 1997, "climate change has worsened and accelerated beyond some of the grimmest of warnings made back then"  (malaysia.news.yahoo.com)	(134)
		LSU Coach Les Miles "I don't know who called for spiking the ball with one second left on the clock". If only there was a camera with a sideline view to solve this mystery. Oh wait, there was  (youtube.com)	(76)
		"For Muslims who are on the front lines of Islam's bloody reformation...Mr. Obama has come down on the wrong side of history"  (online.wsj.com)	(227)
		Couple leaves their brand new dryer on the sidewalk, right next to their old dryer, get upset when the city hauls both units to the dump  (dailymail.com)	(84)

		Bill O'Reilly calls out Sarah Palin for questioning President Obama and Vice President Biden for lack of experience....wait, what?  (crooksandliars.com)	(298)
		Man to marry his virtual girlfriend this weekend. Newlyweds will honeymoon at resort basement with a window view outside  (foxnews.com)	(120)
		The coming deficit disaster: why President Obama hates you personally and wants to destroy America  (online.wsj.com)	(256)

		Spoiled Californian rich kids demand that their bankrupt state subsidize their education by taking more money from poor people  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(208)
(Gamespot)		Stupid: User sues Sony for being banned from PSN. Obvious: Case is thrown out. Dumbass: User appeals. Asinine: Adds Nintendo and Microsoft to the suit. Which tag is most appropriate?  (gamespot.com)	(43)

		Residents of Cockermouth are rescued from their homes by dinghys on Friday after heavy rain caused flooding in Cumbria  (cbc.ca)	(60)
		New York residents, Glenn Beck would like you to know you're being raped by your government. And he should know  (mediamatters.org)	(142)
		Australian politician defends photo taken of her asleep at a NATO conference. On the plus side, she's absolutely certain that there's no holes in her eyelids  (news.com.au)	(21)

		Oprah prepares for 2012 presidential bid  (msnbc.msn.com)	(49)
		U of NM player uses the "Aww honey I didnt mean it and besides, I'm only a girl" defense.. lets see how that works out for her  (nytimes.com)	(88)
		"Slapping stuffing on the outside of the bird was an inspired way to hide the fact that it had been partly eaten by a raccoon."  (nytimes.com)	(115)
		Pennsylvania residents fight for right to hang laundry. Laundry demands jury trial  (foxnews.com)	(75)

		President Obama says Guantánamo won't close by January, meaning hundreds of detainees will not be opening Christmas presents with their families again this year  (nytimes.com)	(120)
(Some Guy)		CWA president upset that American T-Mobile employees, who are already happy with their workplace, aren't interested in "organizing", plans to bring in German muscle to "re-educate" them  (wfaa.com)	(43)
(Some Guy)		After hearing of a police chase on his scanner, man dresses as suspect and goes outside to "see if police would notice him." "Well, we noticed him."  (redding.com)	(50)
		Woman drives to jail, demands to be arrested "so she could help the prisoners inside." Alcohol was involved  (pennlive.com)	(19)

		You might want to take cover or put on a Poncho. Obama's Judicial Nominee David Hamilton began his career as a fundraiser for the ACORN and sided with a Porn store over religion as a federal district court judge  (cnsnews.com)	(278)
		Biden Escort Involved in Wreck - You'd think the vice president would be driving a better car  (upi.com)	(57)
		Chicago School Board President Michael Scott was found dead of an apparent suicide. A handgun, his cell-phone, and some Schrutebucks were found near his body  (suntimes.com)	(134)