It's Not News It's Fark.com

• Fark
• TotalFark
• myFark
• About/FArQ
• Contests
• Store
• Contact Us
• Mobile

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Great Falls Tribune)		If you ever drop your weed by the side of the road let it go, because man, it's gone, and the cops will find the methadone, opiates and benzodiazepines in your car and bloodstream when they stop to see what you're looking for  (greatfallstribune.com)	(21)
		U.S. House passes the STOCK Act insider trading bill, without all those pesky insider trading provisions  (huffingtonpost.com)	(73)
		Insiders are selling their stock at almost Gaussian proportions. This is clearly a sign that the end times are near and you should convert your 401(k) to canned goods and ammo  (marketwatch.com)	(10)
(AmeriCOUNT)		Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL) to Newt: You want to hear about the Food Stamp President? He added 18 million people to the program and increased spending in it by $19 Billion. Oh, and by the way, his name was George W. Bush  (americount.org)	(145)
(Some Guy)		Los Angeles may fine you $1,000 if you throw any object besides a beach ball or volleyball on a beach without a permit. Feel free to throw an objectless fit at no cost, however  (losangeles.cbslocal.com)	(75)
		Late autumn expected in Michigan, Leafs will be blowing outside in January  (espn.go.com)	(29)

(Some Guy)		Winning: The American public's dependence on the federal government shot up 23% in just two years under President Obama, with 67 million now relying on some federal program  (news.investors.com)	(155)
		You know, the possibility of attack aside, I have trouble believing the Iranians are sitting there thinking to themselves, "You know, if we could just take out Cleveland"  (thehill.com)	(111)
(Some Guy)		Judge on the other side of the gavel after dismissing wife's and friends' tickets  (fox17online.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)		Raw footage of a dog being rescued from icy, frozen river will warm you inside  (big106.com)	(42)
		"While Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum are making each other unelectable, the president is singing Al Green, congratulating Super Bowl winners, raising obscene amounts of campaign cash and watching his poll numbers soar"  (washingtonpost.com)	(323)
		If Simon Cowell calls you the male Susan Boyle, you may or may not want to consider that a compliment  (dailystar.co.uk)	(7)
(Some Guy)		Former Republican candidate Gary Johnson says "FARK YEAH" when referring to the 9th's gay marriage decision. In other news, he is still running for President under the (L) label  (garyjohnson2012.com)	(127)
		American public with Bush as president: WE OPPOSE TORTURE. STOP ENDLESS WARS. CLOSE GITMO. American public with Obama as president: Can we get some torture drones with our Gitmo?  (washingtonpost.com)	(422)
		President Obama helps launch a marshmallow across the State Dining Room. SCIENCE  (youtube.com)	(131)

		Vengeful husband sends wife book with bomb inside. What a novel approach  (mirror.co.uk)	(42)
		When you're 14, and get a beer from your older brother, it is considered unwise to try to sell it at school  (pennlive.com)	(34)
		Caption the President getting tough with a marshmallow cannon  (news.yahoo.com)	(83)
		Robotic sentry orders residents to move along or else. Fortunately, as it's in England, it doesn't have guns...yet  (guardian.co.uk)	(56)
		Speaking of secret societies, are there any other members of the Illuminati besides myself? NDIT, obviously  (fark.com)	(358)
		Q: How much impact does a president have on an economy? A: Not much at all  (finance.yahoo.com)	(98)
		Nebraska considers outlawing cheap beer, sanity  (omaha.com)	(18)
(Prop8trialtracker)		Will gays be allowed to marry? Can gays legally preside over gay marriage trials? Do proponents of propositions have Federal standing? It's your official 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Prop. 8 thread (Ruling expected 10 am PST)  (prop8trialtracker.com)	(188)

(411Mania)		Latest ABCNews poll has President Obama leading Mitt Romney 51-45%, and by more than 2 to 1, voters say that the more they learn about Romney, the less they like him. This is bad news...for Obama  (411mania.com)	(172)
		Question: Why have college tuitions gone up? Joe Biden Answer: Government subsidies like the ones President Obama wants to expand  (realclearpolitics.com)	(149)
(Some Girl)		Photoshop this 70's sidesaddle  (theseamericans.com)	(26)
		The RCP average of President Obama's job approval rating is now positive for the first time since right after Osama Bin Laden was killed. This is bad news... for Obama  (realclearpolitics.com)	(114)

		The new GOP talking point on the improving economy: "It's because of what Republican governors are doing in their states." So, economy up -- GOP governors. Economy down -- President's fault. Got it?  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(142)
(Some Guy)		Positive side of the bad economy: More and more dry counties are seriously thinking about legalizing the sale of alcohol. "There is nothing good about liquor"  (courier-journal.com)	(107)
		Republican Congressman walks out of Obama's prayer breakfast speech, offended that the President was quoting Jesus' teachings  (dailykos.com)	(336)

(Some Guy)		Ron Paul tells CNN there is a "Zero chance" that he will drop out of the GOP presidential race. It's still better odds than him actually being elected President  (thehollywoodgossip.com)	(147)
		Pigs pinch pensioner for propagating potted poolside pot plants. Pisser  (upi.com)	(24)
		Having solved all other crimes, Staten Island cops now cracking down on the evil malcontents who park outside the lines  (nypost.com)	(98)

		Roseanne Barr for president. No, really ....STOP LAUGHING  (stuff.co.nz)	(46)
		Do you consider yourself to be a non-conformist despite ironically conforming to everyone else? Enjoy your murderphone  (businessnewsdaily.com)	(123)
		This is why you don't let the inmates print the logos for the side of your police cars  (news.yahoo.com)	(142)

		Senators swarm to bill banning insider trading and play "Who's more ethical?"  (washingtonpost.com)	(104)
		Sen. Mike Lee thinks President Obama using his constitutional power to make recess appointments is exactly like the Japanese attacking Pearl Harbor and killing 2400 Americans  (thinkprogress.org)	(97)
		For sale. One US Presidency. Asking $1 billion. Serious rich buyers only, please  (latimes.com)	(153)
(Some Rustled Cattle)		Florida's new red light cameras are catching video of interesting things besides red light runners. Like cattle rustlers. With video  (wtsp.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)		The Republican rhetoric about the president is going to cause his assassination, according to Punxsatawnee Jackson  (wiod.com)	(85)
		So what happens if two "unelectable" candidates, Obama and Romney, square off in the 2012 presidential election? Oh, dear god, the Mayans were right weren't they?  (abcnews.go.com)	(80)
(Some Guy)		NASA releases video of the dark side of the moon, which surprisingly syncs perfectly with the soundtrack to "The Wizard of Oz"  (geek.com)	(50)
		Obama: Look, Taliban. I'm a tough war president. I'll negotiate an end to war, but I'm no pushover. Taliban: Okay. Do us a favor first and release these top five leaders from Gitmo. You know, as a gesture. Obama: Super-dooper, guys  (foxnews.com)	(72)
		Mr. President, after very careful consideration, sir, I've come to the conclusion that your new green jobs initiative sucks  (usatoday.com)	(50)
		After key vote, WA to legalize gay marriage. Heterosexuals beginning mass divorces, stores revise "no shirts" policies, and the boy scouts have begun construction of glittering pink pyramid outside of Spokane  (huffingtonpost.com)	(91)
		Residents complain about too many bare pekas on Peka Peka Beach, Sergeant Bigwood sent to investigate  (stuff.co.nz)	(19)
		You've traveled in time from the present to 1985. Paradoxes aside, how would you explain the world of 2012 to a group of high school kids?  (fark.com)	(402)

		Colorado's biggest embarrassment since the 1997 Denver Nuggets endorses Rick Santorum. In other news, Rick Santorum is evidently still running for president  (denverpost.com)	(40)
		How did your team do on Transfer Deadline Day? Can Arsenal beat a strong Bolton side at home? Will the Magpies stomp the hapless Rovers? These discussions and more in this bumped EPL thread  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(194)
		Just when you thought college football was on the sidelines, Hope springs eternal ....It's National Signing Day, people  (espn.go.com)	(94)
		Residents of Buffalo NY found to buy most lottery tickets in the nation as desperate residents try anything to escape the city  (marketwatch.com)	(9)

		Stocks post their best January since '97. So it must be the Bush recovery. Or the anticipation of a Romney presidency. Or the Jet Stream. Or a celestial convergence. What else could it be?  (thedailybeast.com)	(88)
		The hell with pizza, you can have a sex toy delivered to your residence in 60 minutes or less  (brooklynpaper.com)	(109)
		"Four South Side areas landed on AOL's dailyfinance.com list of the 25 most dangerous neighborhoods, which was posted Monday on Fark.com." We're always down with what happens in the streets, G  (redeyechicago.com)	(3)
		Phil Jackson's memoir to be titled "Eleven Rings", but which one does he consider most precious?  (chicagotribune.com)	(47)
		Comedian from popular, news-savvy TV show launches Presidential campaign to expose foibles of the political process. No, we're not talking about Stephen Colbert. Come upon my lawn and let me tell you about Pat Paulsen  (rollingstone.com)	(67)
		Now that he's 24 years old, is it time for Sidney Crosby to retire?  (theglobeandmail.com)	(157)
		Government report says Japan's population will shrink by one third by 2060, which is shocking considering how short they already are now  (bbc.co.uk)	(94)
		Defense Security: "The President decides who is a terrorist and if they should be killed". Keyboard commandos outraged, delete any pre-2009 comments agreeing with this concept  (motherjones.com)	(335)
		About that female douchebag who dumped her cancer boyfriend and took the Super Bowl tickets? Yeah about that. Pro tip guys: You have to meet a woman more than once to consider yourself in a relationship  (dailymail.co.uk)	(85)
(Some Guy)		How rich is Mitt Romney? Take all the wealth from every president from Nixon to Obama. Then double it  (starhq.com)	(265)
		Top Obama campaign official David Axelrod tweets picture of the President with his dog in the presidential limousine in a jab at Romney: "How loving owners transport their dogs"  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(115)

		President Obama admits bombing Pakistan on numerous occasions  (bbc.co.uk)	(70)
(SlashGear)		It's yet another article about a Facebook "upgrade" that has people "considering" deleting their profiles. It's like tech writers aren't even trying anymore. Time to feed the dogs, Mr. Pavlov  (slashgear.com)	(65)
		Gingrich denounces the "pro-abortion, pro-gun-control, pro-tax-increase liberal" running for president and he wasn't talking about Obama  (news.yahoo.com)	(184)
		Mike Tyson to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame alongside other greats like Pete Rose and Drew Carey  (tmz.com)	(76)
		Brooklyn residents will soon start heating their houses with their own poo  (guardian.co.uk)	(14)

(Filmland)		"The Devil Inside" averaged $92 per theater yesterday. Well, this article was written 3 days ago, so that's probably down to...I don't know, $20 maybe  (famousmonstersoffilmland.com)	(98)
(Some Guy)		"Teenagers not wired as whistleblowers." Well, to be fair, a good locker stuffing or swirlie can be considered as a good deterrent  (ksl.com)	(77)
		George Washington may have been America's first president, but was he nearly America's first zombie-in-chief?  (io9.com)	(44)
(Some Guy)		Herman Cain endorses Newt: "I also know Speaker Gingrich is running for president and going through this sausage grinder, and I know what this sausage grinder is all about." Wut?  (postonpolitics.com)	(107)

		Newt Gingrich's campaign to show his softer side publishes "Newt with Animals" appears to be going after the I can haz cheese burger vote  (theatlanticwire.com)	(139)
		If you're wondering how it feels to live in a house made out of paper currency, he said that it's quite warm inside: "Whatever you say about the Euro, it's a great insulator"  (news.yahoo.com)	(22)
		In yet another example of President Obama's pusillanimous "do-nothing" behavior, details emerge that Obama went ahead with the Bin Laden raid despite the advice of most of his advisers to back away from the mission  (foxnews.com)	(255)
(WINK)		Legislature considering bill to allow parents to fire teachers if they don't give their little snowflakes an A  (winknews.com)	(84)

		"Even if the odds that Gingrich as GOP presidential candidate would win the general election are 10 percent, that's too much of a risk to the nation. No responsible American should accept a 10 percent risk of a President Gingrich"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(255)
		Browns hire Brad Childress as Offensive Coordinator, pending his notifying Cleveland residents of his moving to the neighborhood  (espn.go.com)	(35)
		College and university presidents would like a private word with Obama about that whole "you need to stop hiking tuition rates just because you want to" thing  (npr.org)	(178)
		UFC president Dana White compares anti-SOPA activists to 9/11 terrorists  (deadspin.com)	(63)
		It's Team Alfredsson vs. Team Chara for the 2012 NHL All Star Game. Whose side are you on?  (cbc.ca)	(58)
		Mitch Daniels: "Steve Jobs created more jobs than Obama's entire stimulus." Krugman: "Apple employs 700,000 people outside the US; 43,000 inside of it. There's a reason for that, bud"  (nytimes.com)	(153)
(Some Sleazeball)		Perry claims the $1.1 million in Texas taxpayer-funded security expenses from traveling the country during his disastrous and embarrassing Presidential campaign should not be reimbursed because he was "Promoting Texas"  (wfaa.com)	(74)
		The greatest threat in the new Resident Evil game? Typos  (consumerist.com)	(40)
		Sales of the song "Let's Stay Together" have went up by 490% since President Obama sang part of the song at a fundraising event. Who says he isn't doing anything to help stimulate the economy?  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(36)
		NBC considers pulling stunt from upcoming Fear Factor episode claiming it's in bad taste. Well duh, everybody knows donkey semen tastes like ass  (tmz.com)	(159)
		Chysler 300C once leased by President Obama now on eBay. He drove it until 2007. That's when he started to run for president and coincidentally traded it in for a Ford Escape hybrid  (wgal.com)	(81)
		Only a president long shielded from criticism and accountability could make the kind of State of the Union speech President Obama did Tuesday night  (townhall.com)	(138)
		The newest popular hairstyle is based on Boardwalk Empire's Jimmy Darmody: Close on the sides, long and combed back on top, gaping exit wound in the back  (articles.latimes.com)	(31)
		Major southern university launches statewide obesity initiative to great fanfare, until residents realized they were against it. They can have my porkrinds when they peel them out of my greasy, chubby obese fingers  (wrcbtv.com)	(35)
		It isn't normal for vice presidents to give speeches in Indian accents, but on Biden it is  (dailymail.co.uk)	(87)
		"It was more of a political statement ... It's not like they were going to go out and shoot the president," said the cop photographed alongside several teenagers with guns posing next to a bullet-ridden Barack Obama T-shirt  (myfoxdc.com)	(128)
(Pantagraph.com)		Two pieces of IL senator's brain removed... The one small piece left still considered smarter than 95% of remaining Illinois senate members combined  (pantagraph.com)	(21)
		Of course it's noisy, you bought a home beside a rail yard  (cbc.ca)	(105)

(Some Guy)		Ann Coulter knows what side of the bread his butter is on  (anncoulter.com)	(94)
		Jon Stewart makes $15 million a year. This means Romney is automatically President and nobody has to listen to the liberal media lecture us on income inequality ever again  (news.yahoo.com)	(564)
		Darrell Issa says Eric Holder needs to apologize for Operation Fast and Furious. And yet, Vin Diesel is considered blameless  (dailycaller.com)	(52)
		"The selection of a Republican candidate for the presidency of this globalized and expansive empire is the greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance that has ever been." This is obviously false because Fidel Castro said it  (nation.foxnews.com)	(70)
		Nancy Pelosi has dirt on Newt says he will never become President. I know what it is, just let me see what these guys in black suits at my door want  (gawker.com)	(69)
		Substantive policy driven interview with Ron Paul. Well, the first half anyway, the rest is about the probable, not very likely, but not ruled out, 3rd party candidacy, that may or may not be under consideration that is off the table  (npr.org)	(24)
		Penguin defecates on state senate floor. It passed unanimously after being mistaken for a $43 million subsidy for a creationist theme park  (kentucky.com)	(31)
		Old woman yells at cloud, US President  (latimes.com)	(233)
		Pregnant woman's water breaks on lawn outside the hospital; doctors and nurses come to the fescue and deliver baby  (wtop.com)	(35)

(Some Insider)		Photoshop these presidential podiums  (i215.photobucket.com)	(31)
		"The outside super PACs [are] so disgraceful that I'm ashamed of the Supreme Court. I predict there will be a major scandal associated with the decision on Citizens versus United." What sort of Maverick would say such a thing?  (huffingtonpost.com)	(151)
		This handy little run-down of top marginal and capital gains tax rates under presidents from FDR to the present might help explain why we used to have money to build roads and fight wars and stuff, and now we don't  (news.yahoo.com)	(301)
		Obama's top 5 successes as president. Hmm. Wonder why they didn't make it a top ten list?  (theweek.com)	(185)
(Red State)		Difference between the 2008 and 2012 primaries? In 2008, Democrats fight over two highly electable candidates. In 2012, Republicans fight over two highly flawed candidates and neither side thinks the other can win  (redstate.com)	(71)
(Some Guy)		The Secret Service took a man attempting to deliver a "spiritual message" to former president Bush into custody. Apparently the message involved a gun  (wfaa.com)	(42)
		And now, a handy guide as to how residents and guests of the cities hosting the 2012 conventions will have their freedoms permanently trampled upon. But before you can view this, I'm going to need you to remove your shoes, citizen   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(13)
		Kim Dotcom's agile figure is a little more understandable when you consider that until yesterday he was the worlds #1 ranked CoD MW3 player  (news.com.au)	(59)
		Scientists find it's more difficult to think outside the box when you're actually in a box. Talk about outside-the-box thinking. They obviously weren't in a box when they thought of it  (theregister.co.uk)	(14)
		What it's like to be inside a hockey rink when the roof collapses (w/video)  (deadspin.com)	(25)
(CBS Charlotte)		Three men attempt home invasion robbery with handgun, shotgun and sword, are fought back by homeowner and another resident who introduces them to his little friend. Or as they call it in South Carolina, Tuesday  (charlotte.cbslocal.com)	(47)

		What kind of thing do you consider an immediate deal breaker when you're on a date with someone?  (fark.com)	(769)
		Hm, let's take a look at the tax returns of Obama, Gingrich, and Romney side-by-side. Pay special attention to the charity section  (money.cnn.com)	(303)
		Food trucks coming to Fark Worldwide HQ. "Bring on the wood-fired pizza, the artisanal ice cream, the Korean barbecue, the Hawaiian sliders, the curbside comfort food"  (kentucky.com)	(78)
		Dear Mr. President, in your SOTU speech this evening, I suggest you avoid talking about your first term in office. It won't do you a damn bit of good. Sincerely, Rahm  (wlsam.com)	(68)
		Two female Cuban soccer players may have gone permanently offside in Vancouver  (slam.canoe.ca)	(27)
		New Houston Astros owner may consider changing the team's name. Subby proposes Houston Lastros, Houston Disastros, and Washington Generals  (espn.go.com)	(110)

		South Korean Presidential candidate declares he is able to cure cancer by staring into people's eyes, moves ahead of Romney in the Republican primary polls  (reuters.com)	(34)
(Some Guy)		Today's cool thing: Watch Amanda Palmer and the Dresden Dolls perform the Violent Femmes' debut album live in Tasmania with the help of a Bad Seed, one of PJ Harvey's sidemen and the Femmes' bassist  (slicingupeyeballs.com)	(49)
		In a scene straight out of Monty Python, the Welsh are considering using bees to deter vandals  (bbc.co.uk)	(74)

		Iowans upset that they have to wait for up to three years for a hunting permit while celebrities like Bo Jackson can just waltz in and get one whenever they want. Funny who Iowans consider celebrities  (desmoinesregister.com)	(92)
		A Mighty Wind: President Obama's State of the Union will offer economic blueprint  (news.yahoo.com)	(194)
		Jewish newspaper publisher apologizes for saying Israel should consider assassinating Obama. Was that wrong? Should he not have done that?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(398)
		Georgia judge orders Obama to appear in court for hearing on a complaint that says Obama isn't a natural-born citizen and can't be president  (washingtonpost.com)	(218)

		President of Madagascar finds everything. Shut. Down.  (reuters.com)	(27)
		13 photos of President Obama speaking at Walt Disney World that will probably show up in attack ads  (buzzfeed.com)	(100)
		From the "I'm can't make this shiat up" department, Fox News columnist says that Newt Gingrich's three marriages could make him a stronger president  (foxnews.com)	(146)

		President Obama sings opening line of Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" at fundraiser, is immediately accused of using Auto-Tune  (content.usatoday.com)	(209)
(Some Guy)		Man tells IRS he is a resident of 'heaven,' owes no taxes. Let's see how this one works out for him  (floridatoday.com)	(60)
		The top 10 most offensive video games of all time. Besides Tetris  (techeblog.com)	(69)
		Best thing about living in Texas is that you can wear shorts in January outside if it's not too windy. What do you like about your state?  (fark.com)	(353)
(Las Vegas Sun)		Biden: "...and that's why we need energy for..." Secret Service: "Mr. Vice President we need to evacuate now." Biden: "Well let me answer some qu.." Secret Service: "GET TO THE CHOPPA"  (lasvegassun.com)	(71)

		Barack Obama's presidency, three years on - is it time to give up hope? Many one-time believers now say he has no stomach for a fight  (guardian.co.uk)	(349)
		China unveils pricey "RedPad" iPad clone based on Android, markets it to Communist Party members as patriotic tool for verifying ID cards, reading cadre blogs, managing firms, and oppressing dissidents  (reuters.com)	(18)
		Obama deciding to side with the people on SOPA/PIPA somehow makes it a political issue, which is apparently unfair to Hollywood. Subby would play the world's tiniest violin for them, but then Fark would have its DNS revoked  (politico.com)	(99)
		Another day. Another GOP Presidential Debate. (8pm on CNN)  (cnn.com)	(930)
		"Newt Gingrich reiterates his plans to be an outlaw president, or if you prefer, a dictator"  (dailykos.com)	(65)
		An inside look at making the Madden NFL video game from the John Madden man cave  (grantland.com)	(31)
		The coolest far-infrared wavelengths photos of the inside of the Eagle Nebula that you'll see all day  (dailymail.co.uk)	(5)
(Prague Monitor)		Man convinces healthy 22-year-old woman he can look through her eyes and can see a malignant tumor inside, persuades woman to provide $10,000 for treatment. After the young woman runs out of money, he starts to accept sex as payment  (praguemonitor.com)	(123)
		Mother-of-the-year contender leaves infant in shopping cart outside the liquor store. In 26 degree weather  (kentucky.com)	(85)
(The Anchoress)		Millionaires and billionaires weren't evil when the uber-wealthy John Kerry was running for president  (patheos.com)	(274)
		Not news: Judge spares teenage burglar from prison time and congratulates him because he had "got off his backside to work". Fark: The teen clubs baby seals to death for a living  (dailymail.co.uk)	(79)
		Mitt Romney would be outraged that his high taxes were paying for the cushy government pensions of three other Republican presidential candidates (if he paid high taxes, that is). The only one to opt out? RON PAUL  (businessweek.com)	(55)
(kfor)		Local residents react to Garth Brooks suing hospital. Actual quote: "He is an icon. It would be different if he were a Sandusky at Penn State or something like that"  (kfor.com)	(26)

		Twitter and Facebook think that b*tch Google's new search 'enhancements' are lopsided, illegal  (money.cnn.com)	(24)
		While we're doing really random topics, at least let's consider one that will have an impact on history: If you ran for President, what would you make your #1 issue?  (fark.com)	(338)
		Dude, you're getting an insider trading indictment  (news.yahoo.com)	(11)
(Some Guy)		Cuba takes lead over U.S. in Civil Rights by considering gay marriage. What's next in Bizzaroworld? Bay of Pigs in America? That would probably be Rosie O'Donnell's pool  (globalpost.com)	(30)
		Tebow sacrificed his body against the Pats by playing through severe injuries to palms of hands, ankles, and a stabbing side wound  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(62)
		Relax Nashville residents - it is now legal to keep chickens in your backyard  (wrcbtv.com)	(20)
		Well, on the plus side, she'll probably listen next time a man tells her to walk around the back of an airplane  (foxnews.com)	(88)
		A look inside an extensive yeast collection. Once again, we can't thank your mother enough for volunteering ALRIGHT THATS JUST GDAMN FUNNY I LV YER MOMJOKES  (mnn.com)	(23)
		Santorum's campaign, on why Bachmann's campaign failed, says that a woman cannot be President as it is against God's will - YEAH NOW WERE TALKING  (thinkprogress.org)	(120)

		Charter jet carrying the Detroit Pistons sends out a distress call, GM Joe Dumars considers the same action for the season  (foxnews.com)	(25)
		Gay parents are not only better than their heterosexual counterparts, but they do so by adopting children who are typically "too old," outside of their race, or have special needs. Tag is for anyone, anywhere, who adopts a child  (huffingtonpost.com)	(286)
		First look inside the partially submerged cruise ship, Costa Concordia (w/photos & videos)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(143)

(Some guy)		Cracker Barrel founder dead at 76. Funeral to be held on Saturday, with gravy-side services to follow  (wfaa.com)	(170)
		Outgoing Russian President Dimitry Medvedev pulls a mini-coup on his way out the door. Premier Putin reportedly most displeased  (miamiherald.com)	(29)
		Super Bowl ad placement begs the question: Should Jesus be marketed alongside Cialis? Why not, they're both all about getting wood to nail people  (washingtonpost.com)	(69)

(Some Guy)		Wife asks to ride in back of ambulance with dying husband. Is instead left by the side of the road in a blizzard  (thechronicleherald.ca)	(160)
		Mother of eleven refuses to claim benefits  (dailymail.co.uk)	(102)
		In an effort to isolate themselves from everybody, Iran says that any OPEC country that tries to increase oil production to offset any Iranian oil embargo will be considered an "unfriendly act"  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(168)
		Don't worry. We can probably guarantee the monkey with the human baby face won't be outside your window tonight, scratching to get in. Well maybe we can guarantee. Who are we kidding? He's out there now  (liveleak.com)	(21)

(Some Girl)		Caption this presidential hopeful and his weapon of choice  (i.usatoday.net)	(53)
(Some Guy)		One hurt in crash outside Coca-Cola plant. Police speculate the driver of the Mello Yello car was Fantasizing about Mr. Pibb before the car was Crushed  (nbcconnecticut.com)	(37)

		Man sentenced for trying to bury girlfriend alive in cardboard. He should have been thinking outside the box  (mirror.co.uk)	(44)
		Scientists now able to show what goes on inside the mind of the average Farker  (foxnews.com)	(56)

		Upon learning that he's polling at 5% in South Carolina, Stephen Colbert hints that he may join the race for the GOP presidential nomination because why the hell not?  (uproxx.com)	(147)
		All those that made illegal recess appointments, please step forward. Whoa, not so fast there, Mr. President   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(210)
(Medical News Today)		Remember that study that showed red wine was good for you? Yeah, turns out the 'researcher' made it all up. Besides, everyone knows hard liquor is the key to healthy living  (medicalnewstoday.com)	(95)
		Putin is 'too busy' to participate in presidential debates, also he can't find his shirt  (bbc.co.uk)	(26)
		President Obama singing Lady Gaga's Born This Way. I'm sure nobody will have a problem with this at all  (youtube.com)	(21)

		House GOP plans to introduce a measure condemning the President's recess appointments...as soon as they return from recess  (dailykos.com)	(138)
		I, for one, look forward to serving under President British Petroleum  (thinkprogress.org)	(141)
		Romney's "I used to worry about getting fired too" line reveals that in his own mind, he believes he's a self-made man. Which is a problem because "delusional" is a bad thing for a president to be  (news.yahoo.com)	(187)
(Some Silver Haired Guy)		Forget the economy, foreign policy, social issues. Nope, more important factor to consider in the presidential race is who has the best hair  (mcsweeneys.net)	(42)
		You know it must be a bad crop of GOP presidential candidates if Stephen Colbert is polling at 5% in South Carolina when he's not even running  (uproxx.com)	(57)
		Fidel Castro endorses a robot for President of the United States, completely unaware of the 58% chance of a fatal robot attack  (blogs.villagevoice.com)	(44)
		It turns out McCain didn't want to be President  (huffingtonpost.com)	(100)

		This Super Bowl half-time special is brought to you by aborted fetuses and Terry Randall for president  (thinkprogress.org)	(207)
		17-year-old boy picked up by cop outside Motel 6. Then, 17-year-old boy was picked up by cop outside Motel 6  (washingtonpost.com)	(83)
		Baby born inside-out. That must have been one hell of a birth canal  (abcnews.go.com)	(95)
		Peoria schools consider replacing full-time custodians with outsourced part-timers, including high school students working weeknights from 5 to 9. "I thought it would be a great opportunity for students to get work experience"  (azcentral.com)	(225)
		Wall Street firms considering pay freezes for junior bankers. In an unrelated story, sales of "American Psycho" suddenly spiking  (bloomberg.com)	(22)
		Polysilicon, Sid 6.7 have best week in last eight months  (bloomberg.com)	(3)
		Disney considers bid for Dodgers. Makes sense. They've been kind of a Mickey Mouse outfit for a while now  (huffingtonpost.com)	(27)
		Old and busted: mocking Detroit residents and their socioeconomic problems. The new hotness: Lions cornerback Aaron Berry mocking Detroit residents and their socioeconomic problems  (sports.yahoo.com)	(46)

		Rush Limbaugh: Obama presidency is reparations for slavery and Jim Crow  (huffingtonpost.com)	(152)
		Cops arrest a 25-year-old for writing, 'Justice Equals Liberty' on a sidewalk. In chalk. "Obviously, he had to be stopped"  (orlandosentinel.com)	(100)
		Mitt Romney never wanted to run for President, which is why he has been doing it for the last seven years  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(70)
		The largely depressing fates of 10 iconic child actors. Including enough photos to make the kids from Super 8 consider months of gruelling plastic surgery before they hit 21  (shortlist.com)	(257)
		In these trying times of stretched budgets and massive funding cuts to state universities, it's comforting to know the University of Maryland plans to spend $7.2 million on a new 14,000-square-foot mansion for its president  (washingtonpost.com)	(69)
		U.S. automakers finally now considered a stable, growing business. This is not a repeat from 1908  (reuters.com)	(39)

(Some Guy)		Boys we need a new idea for a TV show. I know boss, how about a series on dissecting whales and we'll show this woman who cuts open the whale and literally walks inside  (lohud.com)	(12)
		President of Navajo code talkers dies. His final words were great, but nobody knows what they meant  (news.yahoo.com)	(54)
(Some Guy)		When even Texas of all places criticizes your juvenile sentencing laws you might want to consider looking at said laws more closely  (masslive.com)	(34)

		Demi Lovato is angry with God and wants him to know it. On the bright side, things with Timbaland appear to be just fine  (bittenandbound.com)	(48)
		"The Devil Inside" makes $16.9M on Friday, projected to have a $35M opening weekend. This is why we can't have nice things, America  (insidemovies.ew.com)	(99)
		Michael Savage calls President Obama a "dictator coming out of his chrysalis." Oooh, someone got Savage a word-a-day calendar  (wnd.com)	(156)
		Automotive engineers have considerably improved the efficiency of car engines over the last 30 years, but almost all of those gains have been eaten up by making bigger and heavier cars. Minivan, pickup, and SUV drivers, we're looking at you  (physorg.com)	(177)
		In case if you have missed it, yesterday was the day that President Obama's lawyers went before the Supreme Court to explain how forcing Americans to give money to corporations is somehow constitutional  (reuters.com)	(212)
		Christine rolls through car-park, across the road, down the driveway, under the roller door, and parks perfectly inside a garage. Ta-da  (news.com.au)	(32)
		No matter which side you're on, your home life just became more difficult. And admissible in court  (huffingtonpost.com)	(44)

		Sen. John McCain: "I am confident with the leadership and backing of the American people, President Obama will turn this country around"  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(150)
		Bill O'Reilly says his show will "play a major role in the presidential race." You can't explain that  (newshounds.us)	(95)
(American Independent)		According to the president of the American Family Association, HIV does not cause AIDS. Nope, it's caused by too much gay sex  (americanindependent.com)	(256)
(nfl.com)		NFL takes a page outta the Patriots books plans to tape sidelines  (nfl.com)	(34)
		The most vain city in the US is Miami, though it's followed closely by Chicago, whose residents dip their hats strategically below one eye and wear apricot scarfs  (travel.usatoday.com)	(78)
		"President Obama has exceeded his powers by making a recess appointment" says the guy who said the last President had the legal right to crush a child's testicles   (andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com)	(76)
		President Obama is trying to tie the Republican candidates to the unpopular Congress using a two-tier strategy. Let's see if the Republicans notice  (nytimes.com)	(52)
(wmal.com)		GOP Florida Rep. Allen West hates President Obama's plan to cut military spending and that Speaker Boehner is leading an effective "kabuki dance" in Congress. Now there's a horrifying image you can never take back  (wmal.com)	(53)
		Archaeologists have discovered that the people of Pompeii were slobby and crude. Trash was found inside tombs as well as graffiti of the 'bathroom' variety. "Cleopatra goes down"  (news.yahoo.com)	(71)
		Let's go over the minutes from the last meeting - the mayor, the city council president, and the city councilman are being investigated by the feds. Okay, next order of business - more rights for the city of Washington DC  (myfoxdc.com)	(32)
		Kentucky Woman indicted on charges of threatening former President George W. Bush. Neil Diamond reported to be inconsolable  (washingtonpost.com)	(19)
(Amazin Avenue)		Mets considering changing the name of their new ballpark to Chapter 11 Bankruptcy Field  (mobile.amazinavenue.com)	(14)

		Newt Gingrich named geekiest GOP presidential candidate by Scientific American; promptly cancels his subscription and starts subscribing to Discover  (scientificamerican.com)	(49)
(Some Guy)		Walking upside down under arctic ice  (bostinno.com)	(28)
		Detroit resident: Help - Someone's trying to kill me. Detroit Police: I'm sorry....we're closed. Try again tomorrow after 8:00am  (freep.com)	(129)
		What's over 590 lbs, smells like fish and recently made almost $750,000 by selling its body in Japan? Besides submitter's mom  (cbc.ca)	(73)
		President Obama to announce his summer jobs plan. Experts predict the economic effects shall be similar or exactly the same as all of his previous job plans  (jsonline.com)	(80)
		Michigan congregation opens tattoo parlor inside their church. Leviticus may have a problem with this  (mlive.com)	(31)
		Archaeologists find human skulls impaled on stakes at the site of ancient dig. Subby knows that if they continue to search, they'll find a chest with 16 gold pieces and a shack with a skill book hidden under the bed inside  (history.com)	(36)
		Okay guys, picture Demi Lovato and Miley Cyrus fighting. Picture Selena Gomez off on the side watching. I could give you my SSN but I am sure none of you are reading this anymore  (dailymail.co.uk)	(54)
		Woman dragged out of car, assaulted on southwest side. So that's like, what, the back of her left leg?  (chicagotribune.com)	(18)
(Some Guy)		You probably made some bad choices in life when police find your body on fire on the side of the road and have to release pictures of your tattoos to see if anyone can identify you  (wtkr.com)	(28)
		In pushing for quick approval of the Keystone pipeline, the oil industry's top lobbyist tells Obama that he's got real nice presidency there, it'd be a shame if something happened to it  (boston.com)	(126)
(Guitar World)		Lamb of God frontman announces Presidential candidacy. Now you've got someone to vote for  (guitarworld.com)	(51)

		The @MentionMachine ranks candidates based on how often they're tweeted about, so congratulations, President Paul  (salon.com)	(34)
(Evansville Courier & Press)		Indiana State Police ban "potentially dangerous" cans of Dr Pepper from Statehouse, where vending machines inside sell ... Dr Pepper  (courierpress.com)	(64)
		Drastic cuts in school spending show an upside: it's easier to catch teen vandals after they post videos of themselves spray painting cars on YouTube  (philly.com)	(17)
		Rick Perry expected to secede from Presidential race  (huffingtonpost.com)	(111)
		Guess who knows who the next president will be? God. Guess who God told? Pat Robertson. Guess who Pat Robertson is going to tell? NOT YOU  (huffingtonpost.com)	(184)

		Today's burning question before SCOTUS: Does a police dog's sniff outside a house give officers the right to get a search warrant for illegal drugs, or is the sniff an unconstitutional search?  (google.com)	(167)
(Some Guy)		GOP brain trust likes the idea of a Thune, Rubio, Rice for Mitt Romney's Vice President pick, or one Christie  (usnews.com)	(32)
		Survey finds two thirds of British drivers are confused by basic road signs, 100% still drive on the wrong side of the road  (dailymail.co.uk)	(75)
		Kris Humphries sidelined with shoulder injury, once again has trouble getting his shot to fall into opening with 18-inch diameter  (nj.com)	(15)
		Congress wins Washington Post's praise by doing nothing, which let electric vehicle tax credit, subsidies for ethanol expire  (washingtonpost.com)	(194)
		Fark's favorite clown car family supports Rick Santorum for President  (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)	(73)
		Youssou N'Dour shakes the tree, announces he's running for President of Senegal  (bbc.co.uk)	(25)

		If you're not doing anything around 2a.m. EST (0700 GMT) on Wednesday, you may want to go outside and look up. NASA predicting that the Quadrantid meteor shower will be peaking at around 100 meteors per hour  (space.com)	(45)
		Iowa voters don't feel the remaining Republican candidates for President give them enough options. Apparently some chapters of the DSM-IV still don't have candidates representing them  (cnn.com)	(87)
		Eerie pictures from inside a Ghost Village: Site that's been abandoned since World War II gets its only visitors of the year  (dailymail.co.uk)	(47)

		Fifteen religious predictions for 2012 includes classic Apocalypse occurring if President Obama is reelected  (religion.blogs.cnn.com)	(104)
		British government considers limiting subsidized housing to people making under $150,000 per year  (bbc.co.uk)	(33)
		"Even though I'm a regular on Fark.com's politics tab, I have only a vague idea about how presidents are elected." Hey, vague ideas *never* stop us on the politics tab. (opening paragraph)  (open.salon.com)	(21)
		City that paid millions to replace ugly old concrete sidewalks with granite-trimmed brick will pay millions to replace ugly old granite-trimmed brick sidewalks with concrete  (telegram.com)	(105)

Handsome President and all-around swell guy Mitt Romney calls Barack Obama "a footnote in history" (link updated)   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)

(144)

		Gingrich says he'd consider Palin for VP. That would be quit some ticket there  (realclearpolitics.com)	(131)
		52 year old Bronx prostitute still plying her trade after 30 years, for slightly less time than the typical state legislator (and considerably less money)  (nytimes.com)	(117)
		Parents of the year duct tape infant and toddler, hang one upside down on exercise equipment and of course they captured the moment forever by posting pictures on facebook  (foxnews.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)		Town bans non residents from sledding because "If the sled riders were to lose control or were unable to get off their sled, they could potentially go over the hill into the woods". Ostensibly to Grandma's house  (pittsburgh.cbslocal.com)	(36)

		Mother of the Year competition sees last-minute entry, as Louisiana woman leaves her foster children outside while she plays blackjack at a casino. On Christmas Eve day  (nola.com)	(38)
		Mary Kaye Huntsman discusses Jon Huntsman's presidential chances. They fall somewhere between "fat" and "slim"  (deseretnews.com)	(35)
		A One-Horse Town Down to Two People: Messex, Colorado, has been largely abandoned, and its only residents like it that way; 'We Get Along OK'  (finance.yahoo.com)	(56)
(Some Guy)		President of "E" Network explains why the Kardashian family is so popular, and strangely never once uses the phrase "a Dark Pact with the Infernal Lord"  (sheknows.com)	(41)
(Investors Business Daily)		Jon Huntsman most closely aligns with American's self-reported political views, so that means Sarah Palin is automatically president and Obama has to change his name to "Rodrigo" and become a ventriloquist  (news.investors.com)	(80)
		President refuses to glad-hand and schmooze Washington insiders, clearly he's aloof and perfunctory. President loves to glad-hand and schmooze Washington insiders, clearly he's corrupt and pandering  (nytimes.com)	(41)
		The Iowa chairman for Michele Bachmann's presidential campaign has left his position and signed on with RON PAUL. This is the biggest blow a Bachmann has taken since Marcus realized he didn't have $500 on him for that transvestite hooker   (caucuses.desmoinesregister.com)	(21)
		Karl Rove's political predictions for 2012: Republicans will keep the House, take the Senate, Obamacare will be overturned, Sarah Palin will become president, and Obama will be forced to take a job shoveling elephant crap at the circus  (realclearpolitics.com)	(109)
		In another flagrant example of government over-regulation, Montréal residents can no longer get their pancakes and eggs served by topless women and eat them while watching porn  (cbc.ca)	(75)
		Robert Reich's prediction for 2012 (based on absolutely no inside information): Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden swap places, Biden becomes Secretary of State - so get ready for a Obama-Clinton Presidential ticket  (huffingtonpost.com)	(83)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 347: "Farktography Classic: B-Sides and Unreleased Tracks 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(100)

		President Obama is the most admired man in the world  (slatest.slate.com)	(418)
		Pictures from inside the exclusion zone around the Fukushima area...hey, is that a Nuke-cola truck?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(211)
		Despite new guidelines, Texas research lab will continue experimenting on the state's residents  (statesman.com)	(22)
		Putin plans series of fire side chats with the Russian people because Franklin Roosevelt would never rig an election, or something  (dailymail.co.uk)	(29)

		President Obama holds baby and whispers in his ear: "Sock it to me, baby", baby complies  (npr.org)	(109)
		If you think it's funny to hide outside your roommate's bathroom and make barking sounds as she comes out, then you better also be laughing when she kicks you repeatedly in the face  (azcentral.com)	(27)
		Durham, NC billboard reminds residents not to fire guns to celebrate New Year's. Still no billboard reminding them that Duke sucks  (wral.com)	(29)

President Obama has no intention of sending troops back into Iraq, even if it were to devolve into Civil War. So, abandonment then  (nytimes.com)

(355)

The strange stories behind classic Christmas movies. Difficulty: they consider Elf to be "classic"  (huffingtonpost.com)

(51)

		Newt Gingrich declares war on Virginia. Much like our Lord Jesus who fought alongside General Washington to defeat the Decepticons for control of the New World  (cbsnews.com)	(243)
		"Glamping" is luxury camping. And by "camping" I mean "all-amenities villas that only a city kid would consider camping"  (finance.yahoo.com)	(88)
		Study finds people would much rather travel alongside someone with bad body odour than parents with crying kids  (nzherald.co.nz)	(63)
		Company agrees to stop emailing employees outside of work hours  (bbc.co.uk)	(33)

		Let's check in and see how things are going for Kentucky's taxpayer-subsidized creationist themepark   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(275)
		Happy holidays from Fox News, where President Obama is a "skinny, ghetto crackhead"   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(235)
		Rick Santorum has a new 'popup video' ad in Iowa. Make your own popup video ad for a Presidential candidate   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(46)
		What makes someone an angry drunk? Besides YOUR STUPID FACE  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)	(8)
		With winter extending its icy grip on poor slobs in northern climates, and endless months of dreary, cold, and miserable weather are enough to drive even the sane to consider eating a bullet, there's only one answer: Glogg  (npr.org)	(69)
		From the "adding insult to injury" files: boy is run down by SUV, then ticketed for walking on the wrong side of the street  (upi.com)	(84)
(Some Guy)		Crazy Kent has been travelling the state posing for pictures inside a trash can. It's crazy. Of course it is  (baynews9.com)	(26)

		The Texans who live on the 'Mexican side' of the border fence: Technically, we're in the United States  (news.yahoo.com)	(152)
		Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's holiday TV ad: "Let's put our differences aside"  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(265)
		House Majority Leader Eric Cantor invites President Obama to negotiations on Capitol Hill, says "He could bring his dog" because I'm pet friendly. Ummmm, whatever you're into Mr Cantor  (realclearpolitics.com)	(87)
		House Republicans cave to outside pressure, agree to compromise with Democrats. This is not a repeat from ever  (nationaljournal.com)	(282)
(Ms. Manners)		Japanese soccer hooligans pour into street to celebrate team's victory, then move to sidewalks when the light changes so traffic can get by. You're doing it wrong. (w. video)  (badjocks.com)	(24)
(Some Guy)		Who said democracy was dead? Meet Vermin Supreme, presidential candidate  (gloucestertimes.com)	(26)
(Some Guy)		Talk about putting the T & A back into the TSA: Woman caught at the airport smuggling 2.5 kilograms of pure cocaine hidden in implants in her bust and backside  (asiaone.com)	(56)
		Matt Damon dismisses Barack Obama as 'one-term President'  (telegraph.co.uk)	(323)
		I'm not saying it was aliens who created this ten-thousand-year-old obsidian bracelet with micrometer precision...but it was aliens  (physorg.com)	(94)

		Kim Jong Un issues first order as president. I bet it was for a banana split  (cnn.com)	(134)
		Candy store Sugar & Plumm Purveyors of Yumm learns the hard way the Upper West Side doesn't like cute store names, bright layouts, or fun. "The whole thing needs toned down. The coolest places in New York have no signs"  (nymag.com)	(163)
		So, if the Tea Party wants a president who will actually do things, Newt's their guy  (finance.townhall.com)	(102)
		Five things you may not know about Jon Huntsman. Conspicuously missing from the list: He's running for president  (npr.org)	(33)
		TSA officers confiscate book because words are weapons, sharper than knives. Also, there were two throwing knives inside  (washingtonpost.com)	(60)
		Meanwhile, in France, the government is considering forcing 30,000 women to have breast reduction surgery  (guardian.co.uk)	(78)
		Woman spends last five months of pregnancy upside down to keep baby from falling out  (thesun.co.uk)	(130)
		Profiles in courage: presidential candidates who decry, but do nothing to stop the outside organizations that spend millions of dollars to attack their opponents  (politico.com)	(18)
		Gary Johnson (?-NM) naders the 2012 presidential election  (reason.com)	(167)
		Study finds when college's football team wins, male student grades drop. On the plus side, male students get laid more  (www2.tbo.com)	(13)
		Claus challenged by U.S., other nations for widespread child privacy violations, considered a flight risk  (huffingtonpost.com)	(15)

(Hindustan Times)		If your game show involves the two hosts cooking and eating each other's flesh, maybe it's time to reconsider the concept of the show  (hindustantimes.com)	(31)
		University of Texas College Republicans President tweets: "My president is black. He snorts a lot of crack." Is our children learning, indeed  (huffingtonpost.com)	(283)
(German Herald)		New laboratory is growing human skin from foreskins collected from infants. It's safe, completely natural and the only side effect is that when burn victims see pretty women, they stand up straighter  (germanherald.com)	(120)
		Dear residents of Kansas: two of the letters in UFO stand for "unidentified" and "flying"  (gizmodo.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)		America can rest easy as Jeremy Shockey is patrolling the sidelines to ensure proper displays of patriotism  (tracking.si.com)	(68)
		A large sampling of Christmas songs that have been improperly captioned by YouTube. Come for the Married Priest Mysterious, stay for the Chess Match Rusting Envelope Inside  (youtube.com)	(8)
		Oh, yeah. I'd like to see him do that one hand... Well I'd like to see him do that on his hea... on a unicycle then? Upside down... fark  (wimp.com)	(20)

		Immediately after middle aged people take medicine, they like to go outside and barbecue, and other things I've learned from commercials  (huffingtonpost.com)	(187)
		When the revolution comes, it won't be started by protestors in city parks, it will come from people like residents of Jefferson County, AL, who, thanks to JP Morgan, now have to choose between affording electricity or running water  (news.yahoo.com)	(389)
		Russia does not mind US missile defense system, but it works on a monster 100-ton missile to be on the safe side  (english.pravda.ru)	(100)
		Eight years, seven months and 25 days after the U.S. invasion of Iraq began, the final and 4,474th U.S. service member was killed by a roadside bomb  (washingtonpost.com)	(220)
		"I am as broken hearted as others about having to pull out" Herman Cain said to one of his mistresses as he blamed the 'liberal media' for his failed presidential campaign  (news.yahoo.com)	(113)
		It's not even 2012, but the majority of America wishes the presidential election campaign was over with  (gallup.com)	(120)
		Young evangelicals leaving the church in record numbers. "They don't appreciate being condemned for living with a partner, straight or gay, outside of marriage or opting for abortion to terminate an unplanned pregnancy"  (cnn.com)	(327)
(BattleSwarm)		Besides dying recently, both Vaclav Havel and Christopher Hitchens have something else in common: both were attacked by Noam Chomsky. Tag is for them. not him  (battleswarmblog.com)	(213)

		To all of you who wanted to live outside the law in the middle of the desert next door to a donkey-riding hippie named Half-Pint  (latimes.com)	(45)
		Romney attacks Obama over US troop withdrawal from Iraq, forgets which President brokered the withdrawal in the first place. Next up: Attacking Obama for TARP bailout  (bbc.co.uk)	(133)
		Newt Gingrich says as President he would abide by "small government" values. Just kidding, he says he would send US Marshals to arrest any judge whose decision he disagrees with under charges of treason against America  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(475)
		When Harvey Stewart first went to prison 60 years ago, gasoline was 20 cents a gallon, a postage stamp cost three pennies and Harry Truman was president. After parole all he wants is "a good easygoing meal and a rootbeer"  (chron.com)	(112)
		Dissident playwright and father of the "Velvet Revolution" and the modern Czech Republic Vaclav Havel dead at 75  (google.com)	(175)

(Some Guy)		If you are a murderer, at least you usually get a cool and scary name, like "Hillside Strangler" or "Night Stalker". And then there is the "Toilet Lid Killer"  (calgarysun.com)	(42)
		After the success of their completely legitimate and logical bid for the World Cup Qatar now preparing for a summer Olympics bid. India said to be very supportive as many of their most athletic citizens already reside in the Gulf  (sports.espn.go.com)	(26)
		The top television network last night was Univision. Well, it tied with NBC, but no one considers them a real network  (deadline.com)	(51)
		The one upside of the SOPA debate: the full lyrics of 'The Internet is for Porn' are now in the congressional record  (news.cnet.com)	(46)

(WDTV)		Why do these 'mobile meth lab found outside hospital' stories always include the phrase: "It started as a disturbance at Wal-Mart"?  (wdtv.com)	(18)
(Henry's Tacos)		Just after celebrating 50 years as the roadside Googie home to the original gringo taco, Henry's Tacos in Studio City is about to get the heave-ho from their landlord. SAVE THE SAUCE CUPS  (dailynews.com)	(49)
		Out of ideas to save his failing state, Michigan governor signs law allowing residents to just blow the place up. Salute  (detnews.com)	(60)
		City of Clearwater gets a movie theater. Residents excited to check out this Tom Cruise they've heard so much about  (tampabay.com)	(39)
		12 rectal exams a day is a job outside of prison, too?  (sun-sentinel.com)	(29)
		Dutch reconsider their cunning "kill our only industry" plan  (travel.usatoday.com)	(60)
		The bestest, most fabulous, coolest, greatest, most awesomest, kick-ass, amateur Christmas light light-up you will ever see. If you don't want this video Santa will consider you on the naughty list  (liveleak.com)	(42)

		Gingrich plans for the federal court so extreme that even Bush era AGs consider it dangerous  (foxnews.com)	(68)
		Residents want stolen baby Jesus returned, say, "You want to take him for a little joy ride, that's fine. Just make sure he's back for Christmas"  (myfoxdc.com)	(37)
		What if someone predicted the wars, middle east uprisings, US housing bubble and economic collapse, dollar crisis, erosion of civil liberties, expanding government, & class warfare in 2002. Would you vote for them to be President?  (youtube.com)	(116)
		Democrats didn't improve anything and nothing has been made better. According to President Obama's own standard, and contrary to what he said on "60 Minutes," he does not deserve a second term  (townhall.com)	(121)

		President Obama's senior advisors recommend he not veto NDAA bill that would make you safe, citizen. Continue on  (huffingtonpost.com)	(326)
(Norwich Bulletin)		Man argues that lawyers should be permitted to f*ck their clients outside the courtroom as well  (norwichbulletin.com)	(67)
		Why toast always lands buttered-side down. Behold the Law of Toast  (io9.com)	(83)
		President Obama gives the only two-word slogan the troops and their families want to hear. "Welcome Home"  (bbc.co.uk)	(202)
		Hasidic reggae singer Matisyahu gives up the faith but looks forward to a year of great new music and super-delicious bacon sandwiches  (avclub.com)	(68)
(Morning Examiner)		Since his election, President Obama has made good on his pledge to "spread the wealth around." Problem is that is hasn't been "good for everybody" like he and his supporters thought it would be   (campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com)	(196)
		Microsoft tempts iPhone owners to come over to the dark side of the cloud  (theregister.co.uk)	(15)
		"In the dozen swing states where voters will decide the 2012 presidential election, a new Gallup/USA Today poll shows President Obama losing to the current Republican frontrunners by significant margins"  (foxnews.com)	(236)
		Conservative talk show host offers Newt $1 million to go do anything else but run for president  (news.yahoo.com)	(132)
		Meet the 22-year-old who's turning the GOP race upside down from his couch  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(84)

Two students were shot and wounded outside Texas middle school. Police suspect nearby hunters but have not determined if they have the correct license for teens  (news.yahoo.com)

(151)

		New Jersey Nets owner to run against Pooty-Poot for Russian Presidency. Expected to come down with a sudden case of Outspokeness with a side order of Polonium  (marketwatch.com)	(35)
(Some Guy)		Fox News 'Stunned' By Its Own Poll That Says President Obama Will Win  (addictinginfo.org)	(280)
		President Obama: "Republican intransigence has stymied my efforts to enact policies to improve the economy"  (washingtonpost.com)	(252)
		Riverside County, California's jail will soon cost as much per night as a hotel stay. A hotel where they garnish your wages to pay for your room  (nytimes.com)	(94)
		Russian President orders election investigation to find nothing wrong  (canada.com)	(17)

Customs agents seize $140,000 worth of meth hidden inside three cans of liquid nacho cheese. Authorities became suspicious when they realized nobody has ever been able to finish even a single can of that crap, let alone 3  (news.yahoo.com)

(57)

		Former governor and ambassador John Huntsman was removed from tonight's debate as he is no longer considered a "viable candidate" while professional crazy person Ron Paul and The Human Google Bomb Rick Santorum are still invited  (npr.org)	(107)
		New Gallup poll says that Americans consider making $150,000 a year to be rich. However for most people, it just gets them back to even  (huffingtonpost.com)	(261)
		Boehner: "It is my hope that the president will accept this measure so that Americans can see that we are still capable of working together to the meet the challenges we face"  (reuters.com)	(116)

		To no one's surprise at all, Herman Cain considering becoming a FoxNews analyst  (cbsnews.com)	(115)
		Comic book pioneer Jerry Robinson, who helped create Batman's sidekick Robin and their arch-nemesis The Joker, dead at 89  (azstarnet.com)	(38)
(Therepublic.com)		Teacher strips and hoses down pre-kindergarten student outside of school for soiling his pants. Some people have a problem with this  (therepublic.com)	(106)

		No charges filed after intruder pulls fire alarm. "It's really hard to fine a squirrel, so he got a stern lecture and was released outside"  (myfoxtampabay.com)	(20)
		And I thought they smelled bad... on the outside  (cbc.ca)	(59)
		President Obama: "Ask Bin Laden if I engage in appeasement"  (latimes.com)	(386)
		Michael Bay is being coy about the Transformers 4 rumors, which is odd considering coyness never exploded anything  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(37)
		Remember the STOCK Act, which would ban insider trading by members of Congress? A House committee "postponed indefinitely" a vote on it after senior Republican leadership told the chairman to knock it off  (politico.com)	(56)
		Should nuns take birth control pills? Probably, considering their boss has a history of impregnating women without touching them  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com)	(75)

		Ninja Cow roams the streets of Plattsmouth no longer. "Residents on the north side of town will be able to sleep soundly again"  (omaha.com)	(36)
		Hacker already ports Android 4.0.1 to hacked Kindle Fire. Thanks for the subsidized tablet Amazon  (theinquirer.net)	(34)
		Syrian president says only "crazy presidents" kill their own citizens, is crazy  (chicagotribune.com)	(44)
		Syria's president Assad says the violence is inherent in the system  (abcnews.go.com)	(33)

		Ron Paul's new ad goes negative on GOP frontrunner Newt Gingrich. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney is reportedly "seriously considering" going milquetoast  (politico.com)	(105)
		Donald Trump finds no proof Obama's mother was even in the hospital in Hawaii, so that means Sarah Palin is automatically president and Obama has to walk down K Street wearing a T-shirt with "FART" written in big letters on it  (wnd.com)	(181)
		Artist deciphers mystery of the Mona Lisa, spotting three secret animals hidden in the picture. Also, Da Vinci apparently painted it sideways  (thesun.co.uk)	(79)
		Since no one in Washington seems interested in building a case against the corruption on Wall Street, 60 Minutes is all like "Step aside biatches, we got this"  (iheartchaos.com)	(270)

(Some Guy)		Will Brodus Clay FINALLY make his debut? Will John Cena slide towards the dark side? Who will The Miz beat up this week? How many pipe bombs will CM PUNK say this week? Woo woo woo Raw is live on USA 9 pm est  (wwe.com)	(1417)
		After Herman Cain suspends his presidential campaign, his former opponents attempt to court his base by basically saying, "If you were crazy enough to vote for him you are crazy enough to vote for me"  (news.yahoo.com)	(77)
		US officials are desperately searching for new bad names to call Iran besides "world's fourth largest oil producer"  (msnbc.msn.com)	(68)

		Why we need Newt as president according to.....Ariana Huffington. Courtesy of 1995  (weeklystandard.com)	(51)
		Why Atheists celebrate Christmas. Also why Trekkies celebrate March 22 in Riverside, Why Potter fanatics celebrate July 31, and why leprechauns are hoarding gold  (livescience.com)	(279)
		Noted economist and political analyst Shaquille O'Neal weighs in on his 2012 presidential choice  (blogs.reuters.com)	(49)
		Young boy's entire world exists inside a vacuum  (wimp.com)	(73)

(Some Guy)

63 Percent of Illegal Aliens have Resided in the U.S. 10 Years or More. The illegals don't need to be "brought out of the shadows" because they live and work openly  (pewhispanic.org)

(161)

		1st grader faces sexual harassment charge for punching another boy in the groin. Mom says the other kid choked her son, and says if you consider the punch to be sexual assault, then you need to charge the other boy with attempted murder  (azcentral.com)	(151)
(Some Guy)		If you left a bottle of pee outside the office of Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA), urine trouble  (10news.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)		Ultrasound of baby "Tebowing" is first time anything having to do with Tim Tebow was inside a woman  (athlonsports.com)	(124)
		Donald Trump to moderate a GOP debate. How long till they play 'So you want to be president of the United States?'  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(115)
		Mitt Romney on new jobless numbers: "Obama will have a hard time putting perfume on this pig." In related news, Sarah Palin considers filing copyright infringement suit against Mitt Romney  (mediaite.com)	(172)
		Ever wonder what the inside of an Amazon warehouse looks like? Pretty much like where they put the Ark of the Covenant at the end of "Raiders"  (buzzfeed.com)	(60)
		Mitt Romney calls Newt Gingrich a 'life-long politician'. In other news, Romney continues to be a lifelong presidential candidate  (content.usatoday.com)	(13)
		You know you've found a special girlfriend if she parks her car in the intersection to have sex with you, refuses to put her clothes back on when the cops tell her to, and then pees on the sidewalk of the woman who called the cops on you  (nwfdailynews.com)	(42)

(WXII)		Man dies after falling from back of pickup while trying to hold down mattress. That's what happens when you get out of the wrong side of the bed  (wxii12.com)	(49)
		Was having sex with Laurie Fine considered a 'rite of passage' for Syracuse players?  (deadspin.com)	(53)
		Obsidian to develop South Park RPG. Pundits can't decide whether the game will be more immature or premature  (kotaku.com)	(75)
(Some Guy)		"I'm sorry, but you are President of the damn United States of America. You have to do what is right for the country and not worry about the political ramifications"  (thefiscaltimes.com)	(133)
(Some Guy)		Not news: Man tries to steal car. News: It's a police car. Near Fark: He's already inside the police car. Fark: He can't start it. Total Fark: He has the keys and calls the station for help  (newsnet5.com)	(4)
		Fox president all but confirms Prometheus is an alien prequel, says he's "heartbroken" about the leaked footage. But not as heartbroken as the people who watched it expecting some excitement  (avclub.com)	(28)
		French President Sarkozy says France and Germany must converge economically, possibly over a glass of Vichy water  (bbc.co.uk)	(19)
		"After careful consideration, I withdraw my statements comparing annexing farmland for power lines to killing millions of Ukrainians"  (canada.com)	(16)
		If elected, Jon Huntsman would be the first U.S. president with an Emmy  (washingtonpost.com)	(14)
		It takes a German paper to state the obvious about the GOP presidential race  (spiegel.de)	(408)

		Country music singer Mindy McCready is considered missing after disappearing with her son. Posts updates on Facebook denying that she kidnapped him. You know this would make a great country song  (content.usatoday.com)	(78)
		President Obama has a secret iPad, which holds our top secret plan to take the Bay of Pigs with angry avian creatures   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(54)
		Republicans offer $100 reward for photo of Pennsylvania Senator with President Obama  (news.yahoo.com)	(132)
		This just in: Apple and grape juice cause cancer. Consider using beer and wine as safe alternatives  (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(54)
		Obama accidentally refers to UK embassy as "English," which means Sarah Palin is automatically president and Obama will be chased out of Washington by Braveheart extras  (wonkette.com)	(332)
		Number of New Jersey residents on food stamps has doubled in the past four years. Now that's change you can wait in line for  (nj.com)	(67)
		If you need a limbless character in a movie, Michael Ironside's your man. Here's the evolution of Ironside's missing body parts  (denofgeek.com)	(35)

(Some Guy)		Burglar makes himself at home while on the job by showering, wearing resident's clothes, making tacos and cookies, then watching a movie  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com)	(38)
		Donald Trump says he'll join the Presidential race in May when his "Celebrity Apprentice" contract expires, but only if Republicans can't field a viable candidate. So, President Trump 2012 then  (cbsnews.com)	(63)
(Some Guy)		Residents in a conservative South Carolina city sue neighbor over what they say are "unreasonably loud" activities. Late-night revelry? Brothel? No. A church  (greenvilleonline.com)	(76)
		"According to NFL Senior VP of public relations Greg Aiello, the league has no policy concerning players urinating on the sidelines"  (nydailynews.com)	(38)
		Piece of 'art' on exhibit: "5 Million Dollars 1 Terabyte" consists of 1 USB-hdd full of 5 Million Dollars worth of pirated content. Can trolling the RIAA/MPAA/BSA be considered art?  (theregister.co.uk)	(103)
		Canada considers pulling out of Kyoto. I bet you didn't even know they'd attacked Japan  (canada.com)	(35)
		Ray Lewis may not make the cut for next week's game. He'll be there to cover for his teammates from the sidelines as they take a stab at their next divisional foe  (aol.sportingnews.com)	(21)
		Rudolph the red-nosed tauntaun. And I thought those things smelled bad... on the outside  (neatorama.com)	(7)

		Middle school basketball defeat is so humiliating and lopsided, the principal is considering canceling the entire season  (rivals.yahoo.com)	(88)
		Hard to believe that several years ago, we were looking at him for our President. The true Powell surfaced. He was NEVER a Republican NEVER  (newsbusters.org)	(278)
		Surname hyphenation, TNG: Some parents are realizing that there may be down-sides to saddling their new tyke with a name like "Joey Wilde-Cunningham-Lindquist"   (nytimes.com)	(295)

Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to smashed car windows in the Toys R Us parking lot  (capecodonline.com)

(35)

Prison inmates use dominoes for natural male enhancement. Unfortunately for them the pieces didn't quite fall in place and caused unwanted domino (side)effects  (io9.com)

(65)

		Mitt Romney: "The only Republican who is currently showing a tie or occasionally a victory relative to the president is me." Jon Huntsman: "I'm standing right here, Mitt"  (hotair.com)	(64)
		Gary Oldman feels that the closing of the Chelsea Hotel is a loss for everyone. (Everyone?) EEEVVVEEERRRYYYOOONNNEEE   (starpulse.com)	(38)
		Chelsea FC president proposes to build new football stadium at iconic Battersea Power Station, where the sheep can come out to watch pigs on the wings  (dailymail.co.uk)	(15)

		Wild Turkey reaches out to the White House to hire the pardoned turkeys as spokesbirds. "In a manner of direct speaking, we invite the President to give us the bird"  (news.yahoo.com)	(35)
		Alligator found inside apartment. Great, now all the tenants are gonna want one  (ctpost.com)	(20)

		Tenants refuse to vacate trailer home you rent them. Do you C) Bulldoze the place while they are inside?  (orlandosentinel.com)	(119)
		Jonathan Toews does his best Sidney Crosby impersonation  (ca.sports.yahoo.com)	(31)

		American voters finally realize that both sides are bad and we are governed by a pack of feckless children. This is great news for BasilMarceaux.com  (reuters.com)	(77)
		There will be no Mrs. President Crazy-eyes  (gawker.com)	(130)
(Some Guy)		Big East considering adding San Diego State to conference  (washingtonexaminer.com)	(42)
		You own a legendary Brooklyn pizzeria, just been shuttered by the Health Department for "mouse droppings". There's STILL mice running through the joint. Do you (C) let a reporter inside for an interview & pose for photos?  (brooklynpaper.com)	(78)
		Sure, it's great Sidney Crosby is back, but keep in mind he couldn't possibly have done poorly last night  (theglobeandmail.com)	(53)
		12,000 feral cats are roaming the streets of one LA neighborhood, alarming residents, "I can hear them right outside my window when they're fighting and mating." And just in time for the Catpocalypse  (latimes.com)	(68)
		GOP presidential candidates who have name-dropped Ronald Reagan more often are higher up in the polls. And the one candidate who's never mentioned him? Well, his popularity has declined  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(41)

		Newt Gingrich is now ahead of Mitt Romney in the GOP presidential nomination race, according to new poll  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(220)
(cfnews13.com)		Free turkeys available for residents of Orange and Lake counties. Just don't stand directly underneath the helicopter  (cfnews13.com)	(19)
		Man spontaneously combusts outside Swedish vinyl record store. WAIT, there are still vinyl record stores in Sweden?  (news.com.au)	(78)
		The annual presidential pardon of a single turkey is inflicting cruel and unusual punishment on the poor death row inmates   (opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com)	(80)
(Business Insider)		Business Insider gives Fark credit for directing their attention to a story about Larry Anderson's momentary brain cramp  (businessinsider.com)	(0)

		Eleven other foods that should be considered vegetables if pizza's a veggie  (huffingtonpost.com)	(168)
		Feathers are "a good way to express your rebellious side without freaking out your parents"  (eagletribune.com)	(60)

What happens when you don't talk to kids about sex: they learn everything from porn. And apparently, this is considered a bad thing  (slate.com)

(147)

		This new German sidewalk has as many twists and turns as, um, as a twisty-turny thing  (wired.com)	(53)
		Aircraft carrier USS George H. W. Bush develops serious plumbing problems. Navy considering changing name of ship to USS Richard M. Nixon  (upi.com)	(141)

		Photos of Mike Krzyzewski with President Bukrz, Krzyne Battier, and others. Warning: slidekrzow   (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(8)
(Some Guy)		Since Herman Cain announced he was running for President, Godfather's Pizza has come to be viewed more positively by Republicans, more negatively by Dems. Independents have always thought it was soggy cardboard  (brandindex.com)	(95)
(Some Guy)		See what you did, TeaParty? White House Shooter "believed he was Jesus and thought President Barack Obama was the anti-Christ"  (kptv.com)	(168)
		Woman decides to line up outside Best Buy for Black Friday deals...nine days before it happens  (consumerist.com)	(49)
		Vice President Joe Biden holds transparency meeting behind closed doors. Hey Joe, you're doing it wrong  (politico.com)	(57)
(Some Guy)		Tiger Woods can't seem to put it in the hole at the President's Cup  (apnews.myway.com)	(24)
(Some Guy)		Even the President of the United States can't stop copper thieves from looting. No, not Obama. Abraham Lincoln  (wsiltv.com)	(60)
		GOP presidential candidate you've never heard of throws his support behind the 99%: "The mayor of New York City is standing on the wrong side of history"  (rawstory.com)	(134)
		Perry: President Obama "grew up in a privileged way"  (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)	(321)
		Striking photos of some of the thousands who've taken up residence in a Manila cemetery. Hey, no one was living there  (cnngo.com)	(39)

		In one of the ballsiest political maneuvers ever, Herman Cain says that the President simply shouldn't be expected to know things, especially things like foreign policy, because knowing things leads to poor decision making   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(203)
(wpri.com)		Taunton ATM targeted. And I thought they smelled bad... on the OUTSIDE  (wpri.com)	(27)
		The 25 most disturbing Twilight products. Besides those god-awful movies?  (io9.com)	(75)
		Texas College Republican leader: "Hey ya'll, you might be tempted to shoot the President, but don't do it. Oh, damnit, I may have worded that wrong"  (abcnews.go.com)	(243)
		In a recent CNN poll Obama's 46% approval ranks above only Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford. See, I told you he is a better president than Jimmy Carter   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(137)
		Slideshow of the Top Ten inside traded stocks  (cnbc.com)	(41)

		PBS rockstar chef Christopher Kimball advises Thanksgiving cooks to "strip down the menu. Have the turkey, mashed potatoes and one other vegetable. And then forget the salad. Forget the six other sides"  (oregonlive.com)	(225)
		US president insured against crocodile attack. Oh come on, when is he ever going to need.... oh Australia, it makes sense now  (abc.net.au)	(64)
		Two Senators (R&D) introduce "STOCK Act" to stop "insider trading" in Congress. Subby will ride his unicorn straight through Washington D.C. if this passes  (cbsnews.com)	(75)
		If you are interested in renting an apartment in London for the upcoming Olympic games, why not consider this modest flat being offered by a nice old lady named "Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II"?  (abcnews.go.com)	(50)

		"Glee" star Lauren Potter is down with President Obama's Committee for People With Intellectual Disabilities  (starpulse.com)	(65)
		"From desk of President Goodluck Johnathan. CONGRETULATOINS. You have ben awardeded the Ordere of the Federale Republic." Yeah right. *DELETE*  (cbsnews.com)	(56)
		Noted liberal mouthpiece Sen. Tom Coburn: "From tax write-offs for gambling losses, vacation homes, and luxury yachts to subsidies for their ranches and estates, the government is subsidizing the lifestyles of the rich and famous"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(127)
(Some Guy)		News: man hits deer with motorcycle. Fark: friends arrive to help, load bike into truck, and leave man on side of road with deer  (ksat.com)	(100)
		"Oft-bankrupt former fake presidential candidate and television clown Donald Trump announced on Fox and Friends this morning that he is very close to announcing his presidential endorsement." HONK  (salon.com)	(93)
		After the US President bailed out Goldman Sachs, and Italy's new Prime Minister coming from Goldman Sachs, the trifecta will be completed with the new head of the European Central Bank  (cnbc.com)	(23)

(Frontline)		Female reporter risks her life to report on conditions inside the uprising in Syria. The revolution will be televised  (pbs.org)	(28)
		Herman Cain claims that God told him that he needed to run for president. You don't even want to know what message he received from his Alpha-Bits cereal  (sfgate.com)	(87)

Not news: Mother has drug problem. News: Mother nods off with syringe still in arm. Fark: In the Go-Mart parking lot with two-year-old child beside her in front seat  (wsaz.com)

(89)

		Asked about campaigning, the President replied "I don't think it requires us to go negative [...] We may just run clips of the Republican debates verbatim. We won't even comment on them, we'll just run those in a loop"  (content.usatoday.com)	(600)
		The Presidential candidates explained in the most helpful way possible - as D&D characters  (funnyordie.com)	(143)
(Some Guy)		In an effort to ward off tourists, Malibu residents begin erecting signs alerting world of their dickishness  (losangeles.cbslocal.com)	(84)
(Some Guy)		Aussies consider establishing an alcohol free zone in Woolloomoolloo. Thousands of people named Bruce to march in protest  (starobserver.com.au)	(47)
(Some Authoriteh)		While your teenager is bragging about being class president, this kid was just elected mayor  (kwwl.com)	(29)
		Ottawa homeless being tapped to deliver beer to residential customers. What could possibly go wrong?  (cbc.ca)	(33)
		US Senate to Joe Paterno: No, you can't have a Presidential Medal of Freedom. Not yours  (foxnews.com)	(82)

		El Presidente Hugo Chávez's cancer is progressing faster than expected, may not live more than six months. Could this mean there's finally a cure for dictators?  (miamiherald.com)	(163)
		You may want to reconsider your career in thievery if you steal a woman's purse and are quickly subdued by the local shrubbery  (azcentral.com)	(46)
		Why the NCAA should consider the "Death Penalty" for Penn State Football  (bleacherreport.com)	(339)
(Some Guy)		What do you do on your first day back at "work", after being suspended for refusing to "work"? If you're Carlos Tevez, you head out on vacation to the other side of the planet  (goal.com)	(8)
		Rick Perry (R-etard) would eliminate three federal agencies if elected President. Education, Commerce, and... "Oops, I forgot"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(378)

		Forget personhood and union busting -- the biggest news from yesterday's voting is that Georgia residents can now buy beer on Sundays  (huffingtonpost.com)	(204)
		And now your obligatory daily dose of upside-down helicoptering rhinoceros  (gawker.com)	(12)
		House Republican lawmakers want out of Norquist tax pledge: "I never considered it to be like my marriage vows"  (thehill.com)	(155)
(ahn)		Strong tornados strike Oklahoma less than two days after earthquake. Residents relieved to once again see normal weather conditions  (allheadlinenews.com)	(66)
		The downside of big-screen comic book adaptations. Wait a minute... you're saying there's a DOWNSIDE to Batman & Robin?  (denofgeek.com)	(44)
		"Do you think the millionaire ought to pay more in taxes than the bus driver?" asks the president. "More" the crowd screams back. Guess the president and the crowd  (rollingstone.com)	(376)
		Two thirds of college grads consider Facebook access at work more important than salary. Fifty percent of grads wouldn't take a job that restricts social media  (hothardware.com)	(497)

		All the world waits in anticipation, forgetting the crisis in Greece, throwing aside all concern over a nuclear threat from Iran, and we wonder--does Courtney Strodden have fake boobs?  (foxnews.com)	(85)
(total pro sports)		The nine most annoying players in the NHL, aside from the entire Flyers roster  (totalprosports.com)	(117)
		Forget The Chicago Fire and The Haymarket Riot. There is a looming possibility that Chicago may soon suffer a disaster more devastating, and at the same time more fabulous, than those two combined, The Great North Side Riot of 2011  (tmz.com)	(29)

(YNet news)		Obama and French president Sarkozy engage in a little bonding at the G20 Summit. Fark: Over how much they both hate Israeli president Netanyahu  (ynetnews.com)	(181)
(courier mail.com.au)		Using a fire poker to brand your backside is, in hindsight, probably a bum idea  (couriermail.com.au)	(21)
		Japan continues its near-herculean efforts to corner the market on creepy by projecting a human face on the inside of a mask worn by a robot  (physorg.com)	(36)
		The top movie sidekicks of all time--and Jules Winnfield? Sidekick? Say "sidekick"again," I dare you. I double dare you, motherf*cker, say "sidekick" one more g*ddamn time  (thedailybeast.com)	(91)
		Among their top presidential candidates, one is as electrifying as oatmeal, another is mired in a scandal, and the third is having to deny he was drunk/high during a major speech. Maybe it IS for the GOP time to panic  (news.yahoo.com)	(149)
		Kathleen Willey: Hey when I came forward against Clinton, I had evidence, but the media ignored it except when they wanted to smear me to protect Bill, but with Cain, two anonymous women are considered ironclad facts. There is a double standard  (newsbusters.org)	(527)
		A leering toothless guy alongside a toddler sitting on a bartop in a Montana saloon may not be the most iconic image from LIFE magazine, but it was among the first  (npr.org)	(65)

		Man sideswipes a cop car at 1:49 AM, blows a .346 on the breathalyzer. As a bonus, he had three young children in the car with him  (freep.com)	(40)
		One of New York City's best known graffiti vandals also had a side gig when he wasn't out spray-painting everything; he's a retired NYPD cop  (nypost.com)	(54)
		Herman Cain gets a new defender.... Howard Stern. Okay, maybe this is isn't the best guy on your side in this situation  (breitbart.tv)	(61)

		Who throws a shoe at Pakistan president Pervez Musharraf? Honestly   (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)	(80)
		Gay penguins. Consider that in your mind for a few moments...Gay. Penguins. Is it the Apocalypse? No, but it's close  (thestar.com)	(207)

		"Precious" star Gabourey Sidibe has a Twitter imposter. The twist: She's nicer than Gabourey: "My mom was like, 'Wait, people like her, she's lovely, I'm going to follow her'"  (starpulse.com)	(37)
(WSBT)		South Bend was occupied. Until it wasn't. Nobody wants to sleep outside in South Bend  (wsbt.com)	(24)
		Authorities match up sex offender's ankle monitor GPS coordinates and the location of three reports of indecent exposure, consider also charging him with assault for giving his lawyer a migrane  (cbsatlanta.com)	(8)
		Russian officials are about to open up the hatch to a windowless cell that's been sealed for 520-days as part of a simulaton to Mars. How much you wanna bet all they find the crew all dead and a slug-like alien crawling around inside?  (mnn.com)	(76)
		Republicans block Democratic infrastructure bill. Democrats block Republican infrastructure bill. Both sides are bad, so avoid bridges  (npr.org)	(40)
		President Obama tells Europe to get its economic house in order so the Euro wouldn't fall. Meanwhile in other news, the dollar continues its downward spiral  (nytimes.com)	(44)
		President of Universal Studios: "We make a lot of sh*tty movies"  (chud.com)	(36)
		Speaker Boehner (Marxist-OH) signals willingness to consider tax hikes if the Super Committee puts them forward while "reforming" Social Security and Medicare  (sfgate.com)	(106)

		Tea Party heckler calls Elizabeth Warren a 'socialist whore', then tries to make a Bush like escape through a side door (w/video goodness)   (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(524)
		Amtrak increases age for unaccompanied minors from 8 to 13. Tests confirm it was too difficult for 8 year-olds to climb out of a train when it is on fire and lying on its side  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com)	(56)

		Attorney says GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain violated the confidentiality deal, allowing accuser to speak publicly about the allegations. This could be bad for..... Cain  (thehill.com)	(144)
(Some Guy)		Inter, Manchester City, Ajax, and Real Madrid are among the sides in action in today's Champions League matches  (uefa.com)	(33)

(Some Guy)		Holy Crap IT'S A LION Get in the sidecar  (britishpathe.com)	(12)
(Mass Live)		Western Massachusetts residents still without electricity, Lady Schicks. Supplies of granola and Ani DiFranco CDs needed urgently  (masslive.com)	(64)
		Herman Cain: Smoking isn't cool. Guess he hasn't decided whether he's running for POTUS or President of Student Council  (content.usatoday.com)	(42)
(NBC Sports)		After explaining how Oakland's young group of wide receivers shouldn't be pushed aside to make room for Terrell Owens, Carson Palmer explains how they should be pushed aside to make room for TJ Houshmandzadeh   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(36)
		Greek president: "Let the people decide." European markets: "F*ck that"  (bbc.co.uk)	(270)
		GOP light-heartedly depicts the President with a bullet hole in his forehead  (wtop.com)	(777)

		Fox News claims President Obama's use of executive orders is a means of circumventing Congress, despite the fact that he's on pace to have signed about as many as George W. Bush  (foxnews.com)	(196)
		If you've made an enemy of an Austin resident with a smartphone and photoshop skills, sell your car  (thenewspaper.com)	(247)
		Donald Trump, who based his entire bid for the presidency on allegation that Obama wasn't born in Hawaii, calls Cain allegations 'very unfair'  (gop12.thehill.com)	(178)

From MST3K's 3rd season, it's the classic episode Daddy-O. Watch as Joel, Servo, and Crow tackle this cheesy 50's crime caper, complete with music from John Williams. "He's singing the left side of the menu"  (youtube.com)

(13)

		"Instead, Bruce tried to satisfy her feminine side by cross-dressing" (with yeah, you'd hit it, but it would hit you back video goodness)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(283)
		How one of those crazy anti-Obama email chains ends up a talking point of a major GOP presidential candidate   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(68)
		Rick Perry to preside over controversial execution. This is not a repeat from Headline is too long; keep it under about 250 characters or so  (huffingtonpost.com)	(108)
		Vitali Klitschko officially quits boxing to run for President of Ukraine  (english.pravda.ru)	(46)
		Libtard blasts GOP presidential candidates: "The American people want solutions. You're providing comedy." And by libtard, I mean neoconservative stalwart John Podhoretz  (nypost.com)	(83)
		A wild card in the November 2012 election? Coming from the Internet? Maybe, because there's a well-funded "virtual third party," that plans to put a centrist presidential candidate on the ballot in all 50 states  (latimes.com)	(94)
		With Tornado Season over, Kansas residents look forward to the annual Tumbleweed Migration  (nytimes.com)	(29)

		GOP presidential candidates are asked their favorite movies, and the results are exactly what you'd expect: Herman Cain? The Godfather. Michelle Bachmann? Braveheart. RON PAUL? NONE, MOVIES AREN'T IN THE CONSTITUTION  (washingtontimes.com)	(347)
		Indianapolis Colts team president Bill Polian defends Jim Caldwell from criticism and, in doing so, reveals to Peyton fanboys that the team actually isn't "everybody from last year except Peyton"  (espn.go.com)	(38)
(WSB TV)		Family says "aw hell no" to fire consuming their 3rd floor apartment, tosses infant to rescuers, lowers toddler via rope, then climbs down the outside of the building "like they were Spiderman"  (wsbtv.com)	(36)
		Quran burning freak pastor Terry Jones running for president. Will probably soon be outpolling Jon Huntsman  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(65)

		What you can expect from her Playboy photo spread, besides a test of Playboy's ability to use Photoshop  (hollyscoop.com)	(142)
		Since the Colts are so awful without Peyton Manning, shouldn't he be considered for MVP?  (espn.go.com)	(143)
		Obama likens GOP presidential race to 'Survivor'; Cain taxes 1 of every 9 coconuts, Romney frequently changes alliances, Bachmann is good at building tax shelters, and Santorum wants to vote out the token gay guy  (news.yahoo.com)	(55)
		Ticket scalpers outside Busch Stadium claim they don't make any money now that scalping is legal  (stltoday.com)	(36)
		Man gets stuck in a tree. No I mean INSIDE the a tree. "Why he's in a tree, I have no idea"  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(62)
(Ben Dover)		Sheriff Mike Hunt is warning residents against solicitation phone calls. "Police advise to hang up immediately and report the call to the sheriff's office" said Deputy Amanda Hugginkiss  (aikenstandard.com)	(54)

(Some Guy)		Jon Huntsman advocates getting everyone on a "level playing field" on Colbert last night, putting him left of every single person running for president in 2012. This is bad news...for Huntsman  (colbertnation.com)	(57)
		On the bright side, at least 4 out of 12 gun smugglers are NOT New York City police officers  (nypost.com)	(35)
		Photoshop the presidential pumpkin picking  (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(21)
		NYC Transit President thinks that the subway doesn't need garbage cans and that riders will simply throw their trash out before entering the system. Rats enjoying the buffet on platforms and the tracks agree  (nydailynews.com)	(80)
		Juan Williams: "People are fed up with pledges that enforce far right or far left orthodoxy and being told they lack a spine when they listen to the other side of an argument or call for a political compromise to reach a solution"  (thehill.com)	(232)

		After last night's collapse of the Vengeance ring, the WWE Universe waits with bated breath to find out if there is anything left of Hornswoggle besides a tiny corpse amongst the kendo sticks. RAW tonight on USA, 9:00pm EST  (youtube.com)	(1479)
(Some Guy)		"A number of people would have been outraged if Timothy McVeigh had made it to Canada after the Oklahoma City bombing and the President had taken him out with a drone, without a trial"  (motionsonline.org)	(249)

(Some Guy)		Awkward side-effects of celebrity marriage: refusing to be served by female flight attendants because you might run into one that your husband has banged before  (mailonsunday.co.uk)	(41)
(The Day)		Newt Gingrich shows off his understanding of the structure of American government by saying that as President, he'd order one of his advisor to ignore Supreme Court rulings  (theday.com)	(193)

		One night in Bangkok and the water's flowing / Canals divert the flood into the sea / One night in Bangkok and you'll soon start rowing / Residents are wading, it's up to their knees / It could be six weeks before it all recedes  (washingtonpost.com)	(112)
(Pew Pew Pew)		Exactly how liberal is the liberal media? Based on the Pew Research Center's study of presidential election coverage so far in the 2012 race... it is 9% liberal. Must be another liberal media conspiracy  (journalism.org)	(175)
		PMILF of Australia defends her decision to bow to Queen of England instead of the traditional feminine curtsy, and to not wear a hat. Monarchists beside themselves with quiet rage, stiff upper lip  (smh.com.au)	(95)

		And here comes the GOP presidential candidates' opinions on Obama's Iraq withdrawal announcement   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(334)
(azfamily.com)		"So my wife and I are divorcing. But here's the crazy thing. Normally Judge Sosnick presides over it, but he has to disqualify himself on account of him being the judge who married us. I'm hungry, let's go get some tacos"  (azfamily.com)	(31)
		Leftist Apple fanboys' heads asplode as Steve Jobs is revealed as having advised Obama he was headed for a one-term presidency unless he stopped shiatting on business and busted the teachers' unions  (huffingtonpost.com)	(277)
		On the bright side, almost half of Swedish pilots stay awake during flights  (thelocal.se)	(12)
(Some Guy)		Man in Bush mask robs bank. Police know it wasn't the real President because this person devised a successful exit strategy  (king5.com)	(109)

(Some Guy)		The TSA is now at your roadside, pull it over citizen  (newschannel5.com)	(268)
		Routine political patronage is now considered wire and mail fraud  (boston.com)	(7)
		GOP presidential candidate: the six largest financial institutions are bigger than they were before the crisis. There is no evidence that they add sufficient value to offset the systemic risk they pose  (economix.blogs.nytimes.com)	(47)
		Carla Bruni-Sarkozy gives birth to first French presidential baby. Immediately makes paparazzi surrender all photos  (dailymail.co.uk)	(47)
		What do Bill Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, Al Sharpton and Gary Bauer all have in common? They still have open presidential committees that owe money to creditors  (politico.com)	(18)

		Study finds that President Obama "has suffered the most unrelentingly negative treatment" of all presidential candidates over the past five months. This is bad news for the 'liberal media'  (cbsnews.com)	(95)
		As Paramount considers making Transformers 4 and 5 together, does shooting films back to back ever actually work?  (denofgeek.com)	(73)
		Electing a tall man to be President of the United States is so easy, even a caveman can do it  (mnn.com)	(47)
		Senate votes against an anti-potato bill hashed together by the USDA, considering it half-baked. USDA vows to fry again. Au gratin  (philly.com)	(170)

		Mizzou applying to the SEC is "inevitable and imminent". Big 12 and Big East consider adding community colleges to stay afloat  (nytimes.com)	(100)
(How YOU doin'?)		Presidential pickup lines: "You must be Seward authorizing the purchase of Alaska, 'cause I'm experiencing some unprecedented growth"   (presidentialpickuplines.tumblr.com)	(54)
		In West Philadelphia born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days, chlling out maxin relaxin all cool and all buying the bball team outside of my school  (espn.go.com)	(29)
		Female orgasms, and 11 other bizarre, mysterious side effects that probably aren't real  (trutv.com)	(126)
		In the 2012 presidential campaign, there's only one question that really matters: Who does God want in the White House?  (cnn.com)	(147)
		Despite denouncing the president's policies, Herman Cain was stimulated by Obama. Not that there's anything wrong with that  (thinkprogress.org)	(77)
(Newsplex)		Your snowflake voluntarily left a concert, and then something bad happened to her outside? SUE SUE SUE SUE SUE  (newsplex.com)	(259)
(Some Guy)		The CDC considers "four or five alcoholic beverages consumed on one occasion" to be binge drinking. How can it be a binge if I do it every day?  (baynews9.com)	(133)
		President Obama's teleprompter briefly stolen. Obama speechless  (politico.com)	(345)
		Darpa symposium debates possibility of 100-year starship to other worlds. On the downside, interstellar travelers would hear endless loop of "Sara" and "We Built This City"  (nytimes.com)	(42)

		Hugo Chavez's quest to become President for Life may be coming to fruition  (foxnews.com)	(67)
(Some Guy)		Reporter in desperate need of a story says the Raiders should consider signing Brett Favre  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(47)
		Hasbro to consider fourth Transformers movie, cut budget of Ouija movie. Who saw that one coming?  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(64)
(Some Guy)		Photshop Challenge: Turn the world upside down (link goes to example)  (s002.radikal.ru)	(33)
		Payton breaks leg in sideline collision. Sweetness  (espn.go.com)	(42)

Australian drinking establishments turn to rubber sidewalks to reduce injuries. Kentucky soon to pave entire state with rubber  (poconorecord.com)

(39)

(Some Guy)		'Using logic' considered domestic violence by some. Dr. McCoy is gonna be pissed  (menstoppingviolence.org)	(492)
		64 years ago today, Chuck Yeager got inside Glamorous Glennis and beat the demon who lived in the air at Mach 1  (youtube.com)	(144)
		GOP Presidential candidate Rick Perry's son is unemployed. And it's all Obama's fault, according to his mom  (blog.chron.com)	(199)

		Clint Eastwood was almost George H.W. Bush's vice-presidential running mate. Your move, Chuck Norris  (uproxx.com)	(42)
		Check your lottery tickets - Fox & Friends actually sort of admitted they said something about the President that wasn't true   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(69)
(CBS NYC)		Latest attack inside a McDonald's takes place in NYC's Greenwich Village, where a cashier takes a metal rod and beats down two unruly female customers. Have you had your broken skull today? (With extra value video craziness)  (newyork.cbslocal.com)	(325)
(Somebody's appreciated)		Inside the world's best employer: "There's a rule that there must be food within 100 ft of every employee." Somehow, subby's cold cup'O'ramen doesn't look as tempting as it did (Lots of jealousy inspiring pics)  (business.asiaone.com)	(57)
		Betty White announces presidential run  (youtube.com)	(10)

		Architects in Mexico manage to turn 65 floor skyscraper inside out and upside down  (dailymail.co.uk)	(168)
		John McCain calls for the elimination of regulations that are costing America billions of jobs. Billions. Don't laugh, This man was almost President  (washingtonpost.com)	(206)
		Republicans running for president think the poor and middle class aren't Taxed Enough Already  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(198)
		Obama had a beer with unemployed construction workers, so that means Sarah Palin is automatically president and Obama must skirt the mouth Eyjafjallajökull with a millstone tied to his leg until freed by the dwarf king Hreiðmarr  (nation.foxnews.com)	(74)
(Karl Rove)		"The president and other Democrats need to remember it's always dangerous to associate with people who are just plain kooky"  (rove.com)	(67)
(Some Congressional Guy)		Congress is completely dysfunctional. President Obama needs to bypass that pesky little Constitution to get his American Jobs Act passed  (theblaze.com)	(99)
		Hilary Swank, of 'Happy Birthday Mr. Chechen President' fame, had no idea Kadyrov was a bad guy. (pic, vid)  (bittenandbound.com)	(28)
		Rudy Giuliani says the odds are about 9 to 11 he will not run for President in 2012  (politico.com)	(19)
		Chicago suburb considering a ban on eating while driving, using common sense  (chicagotribune.com)	(61)

		VP Joe Biden warns that more rapes and murders could occur if President Barack Obama's jobs bill is not passed. Nope, no hyperbole at all Joe  (weeklystandard.com)	(195)
(Some Guy)		Pop quiz: Who is the worst president in U.S. history when it comes to medical marijuana? According to the potheads, Barack Obama  (pbs.org)	(122)
		"He asked the jury to consider whether a decorated and accomplished special forces member who had a role in the 2011 movie 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon' would risk everything in a scheme to sell arms in the US"  (washingtonpost.com)	(61)
		White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley will leave his position after the President's re-election. Does he know something we don't know?  (washingtontimes.com)	(37)
		Good NEWS, everyone. It would appear Wall Street is getting angry. Have they looked outside lately?  (marketwatch.com)	(8)
(Some Biker)		It's never a good time to have a motorcycle collision, particularly when you're escorting the President of the United States  (wtsp.com)	(23)
(Some Oregon State Guy)		New study confirms American college students consider pizza and Oreos a food group, and eat fewer than one vegetable a day. Apparently this is supposed to be a problem  (dailybarometer.com)	(40)
		Leonardo DiCaprio to star in a movie based on the life of Alan Turing. Consider this your warning: there will be math  (deadline.com)	(56)
		Michelle Bachmann, "If you turn Cain's 999 plan upside down it becomes 666"  (realclearpolitics.com)	(186)