Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		You should probably stay away from the business end of a taser if you have an "astronomical level" of methamphetamine in your system  (mercurynews.com)	(46)
(Business Insider)		Cause of Toyota acceleration problems determined: it is apparently correlated with the amount of grey hair you have on your head  (businessinsider.com)	(189)

		Baltimore high school principal applies her entrepreneurial skills. Naturally, some people have a problem with this  (baltimoresun.com)	(28)
		Pro tip: When you rob a cabbie, always shoot him six times, because five times won't do it. He'll still kick your ass and hold you down until the cops get there  (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(64)
		Toyota's unintended acceleration problem has one blogger wondering: "Have cars become too automated?" The short answer: Yes  (redtape.msnbc.com)	(80)
		Emergence of the "Tea Party" dismays evangelical leaders who say whipping gullible, none-too-bright fanatics into a frenzy over non-existent problems is THEIR job  (news.yahoo.com)	(169)
		Having fixed all other problems, Detroit city employees banned from wearing strong scents  (detroitnews.com)	(87)
		If you're a judge, it's probably not a good idea to mouth off to the officer writing you a traffic ticket  (palmbeachpost.com)	(23)
(Some Guy)		Snicker-inducing headline of the day: "Robot helps stroke patients in Portland"  (kgw.com)	(22)
		Adam Sandler hires Heidi Montag for his next film, which already features Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Kidman, and-- presumably-- Rob Schneider. How this thing isn't titled "Box Office Poison", subby will never know  (examiner.com)	(53)

		Apologist on the U.S. Catholic Church's child abuse problem: 4% of priests abused children, sure, but that may be less of a problem than for almost any other profession (without citing data)  (guardian.co.uk)	(114)
		Dog growls contain specific information - probably like "Ruh roh" and "Timmy's down the well."  (news.discovery.com)	(62)
		Two minutes of footage from Robert Rodriguez's new Predator movie  (io9.com)	(97)
		Put a Spork in it, it's done. Supposedly vicious weiner dog gets six months of doggy probation  (examiner.com)	(75)
		Studio responsible for the technology behind Jim Carrey's "A Christmas Carol" is being shut down by Disney. Probably because they had a hand in making a Jim Carrey movie  (latimes.com)	(20)
		Victoria Jackson provides thoughtful insight into gun control. Just kidding, she says she was accosted outside a nightclub and wished she had a gun so she could blow her attacker's brains out. Because clearly, guns solve all problems  (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(206)
		Problem: urban high school only has 4% reading at grade level. Solution: make school eight hours long, no girls, and give every student a wristwatch. Proof: Every single graduating senior has been accepted to college  (abcnews.go.com)	(175)
		Protip: When special ed students start giving up on your school district, you just might have a problem  (chicagotribune.com)	(36)

		Full body scans mean nothing to Palm Beach TSAers. The problem is stinky feet  (wbbm780.com)	(29)
(bleacher report)		The top 10 college football teams guilty of scheduling out-of-conference cupcakes. You probably already know who #1 is. (warning: slideshow)  (bleacherreport.com)	(154)
		In retrospect, maybe allowing consolidation of the seed industry and virtually putting production in the hands of one company wasn't such a good idea. Although the Senators from Monsanto don't seem to have a problem with it  (nytimes.com)	(54)
		Pioneering underwater robot, ABE, is lost on a deep dive off the coast of Chile. Its last message from the abyss: "Going to stay a while"  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(41)
		While living on campus, you probably should not have ammo for your 9mm handgun shipped to your dorm. Also, having a gun is bad, too. Who knew?  (sun-sentinel.com)	(135)
(Some Megashark)		The Sci-Fi Channel's upcoming "Sharktopus" gets an air of legitimacy by casting Eric Roberts  (digitalspy.com)	(63)
(Some Iowan)		Man orders food at a McDonald's drive-thru, gets out of his car and tries to rob the cashier, who gets punched in the face after he refuses to give the man any money. It should be noted this happened at 4:20 central time  (southwestiowanews.com)	(56)

		"ALL RIGHT THIS IS A ROBBERY HAND OVER ALL YOUR MONEY, JEWELRY, AND.....THAT COSMO"  (myfoxdc.com)	(34)
		New school gym features locker rooms that allow people in the hall to watch the showers. "The first time a person looks in there and sees a naked kid we're going to have a problem"  (buffalonews.com)	(185)
		Remember that first trailer for the upcoming Russell Crowe/Ridley Scott Robin Hood movie, and how it sucked? Well, here's the second trailer, and they've turned it from "Gladiator 2" to "wow this might be awesome"  (slashfilm.com)	(114)

		Not news: Woman decides to rob people. News: Successfully robs 11 people. Fark: Robs $6  (nbclosangeles.com)	(50)
		Before he died, Corey Haim turned down an offer to appear on "Celebrity Rehab," saying "It's the last show I'd ever do." Yeah, probably  (tmz.com)	(57)
		You can probably still buy a $40 cup of coffee, but at least now it will be marked as such on the menu  (nytimes.com)	(51)
		Research shows, Problem Children twice as likely to suffer chronic pain as adults. Karma tag sleeping peacefully  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(64)
(Some Guy)		Miami residents can now go online to report municipal problems like trash littering the street. Service to be online in time for Jersey Shore cast to arrive  (govtech.com)	(18)
		Car designers in 1958 thought we'd drive two-wheeled cars that were guided by radar and balanced by gyroscopes in the year 2000. Instead, we're driving Camry's with problematic pedals  (life.com)	(132)
		Robert DeNiro signs on to play famed Green Bay gangster Vince Lombardi in upcoming biopic  (vanityfair.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)		The coolest interactive live map of ships at sea you'll probably ever see  (marinetraffic.com)	(53)
		County Clerk budgets vary quite a bit in Georgia. Dekalb county - $452,915, Cobb county - $397,049, Gwinnett - $107,464. For some reason some people have a problem with Fulton county's more than than $1 million budget  (ajc.com)	(36)
		Rapper DMX arrested for violating probation, calls the only person that can help him: Dr.Drew  (tmz.com)	(15)
		Robin Wright says Andre the Giant was a "pain" on the set of The Princess Bride. INCONCEIVABLE, biatch  (contactmusic.com)	(107)

		When the nice officer politely requests that you stop kicking his window, you should probably listen to him  (liveleak.com)	(79)
		Water consuption in Edmonton during the Gold Medal hockey game; the beer consumption chart would probably look the same, but upside down  (blog.canoe.ca)	(118)
(Some Race Fan)		NASCAR gives Edwards three-race probation for wrecking Keselowski's ego  (racingforthewin.com)	(95)
(PopMatters)		This is the most beautiful album I'm probably going to hear this year  (popmatters.com)	(15)
		Due to low sales, Walmart discounts Black Barbie; obviously some people have a problem with this  (abcnews.go.com)	(307)
		Germany criticizes Greece for being babies who refuse to fix their financial problems, while Greece says they'd have more money if the Nazis hadn't stolen their gold and all their kebab vendors  (washingtonpost.com)	(129)
		"But while Gore prays for redemption, the pews in the Church of Climate Catastrophe are gradually emptying. The public's skeptical common sense, it turns out, is pretty robust. Just like those Himalayan glaciers"  (boston.com)	(634)

(Some Mad Scientist)		Scientists at MIT discover solution to exploding battery problem: Cut out the middleman  (web.mit.edu)	(24)
(Ksdk.com)		Tip Of The Day: Paying for hundreds of dollars of crack cocaine with Monopoly money will probably result in a fairly decent ass kicking  (ksdk.com)	(77)
		Robert Pattinson: "I took my mother to the 'Twilight' premiere and squirmed through the first ten minutes. But in the end I couldn't bear it, so I had to leave and went out and sat in the car."  (contactmusic.com)	(54)

(Some Guy)		When stealing lottery tickets, resist the urge to redeem your winners at the same store you robbed  (970wfla.com)	(20)
		Six armed gunmen go all in, rob Berlin poker tournament on live TV  (youtube.com)	(67)

		If you enjoy seeing a pop star getting felt up by robots, boy do I have the video for you  (thesun.co.uk)	(17)
		Armed robbers in $1 million perfume warehouse heist who shouted "NYPD, hands up" may be criminals, but at least they're not liars  (nj.com)	(43)
(Some Edward)		Robert Pattinson says he "used to be rebellious" before he became a bland, mediocre, pale-faced vampire  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(28)
(Some Guy)		Good news: Economic downturn may signal the end of the shopping mall. Bad news: The demise of shopping malls will probably bring down more small and medium-sized banks  (housingwatch.com)	(101)

		Scientists designing a new robotic helicopter that will fly into nuclear disaster zones, take pictures and readings, be irradiated, become sentient, search for Sarah Connor, and wipe out mankind  (labspaces.net)	(14)
		That's what this economy is missing -- Robber Barons  (finance.yahoo.com)	(56)
(Some Science Guy)		Kentucky fundies fuse efforts to take on "controversial" scientific theories like evolution, climate change... and probably germ theory or atoms or asteroids or something  (scienceblogs.com)	(126)
(Some #9)		Sean Lennon has no problem with his mother exploiting his father's image  (spinner.com)	(34)

		When deciding to rob a convenience store, be sure to pay attention to the old man filling out a lottery slip while you hold up the register - he just may stab you and run your ass out the door (language NSFW)  (youtube.com)	(84)
		Almost a quarter of Germans have no problem with being microchipped, reasoning that it's a lot easier than having to show your papers all the time  (popsci.com)	(32)
		Robert Pattinson offered to strip naked for a full-frontal photoshoot in Details magazine, "but nobody wanted to see it" so he didn't, disappointing millions of gay men, teenaged girls and women whose marriages died years ago  (starpulse.com)	(107)
		"Married couples enjoy their best sex, romantic meals and nights out with friends after two years and four months." That's understandable; their friends are probably looking pretty good by then  (upi.com)	(206)
(Some Guy)		Thanks to the US losing to Canada in Olympic Hockey, Obama is sending Canada's prime minister a case of Molson beer, and White House press secretary Robert Gibbs will wear a Canadian jersey during his daily on-camera briefing  (vancouversun.com)	(83)
		Dionne Warwick is championing the cause of radio royalties, probably because she's running out of money. You'd think with all of her psychic friends she would've seen it coming  (contactmusic.com)	(16)

		Problem: Utility companies can't afford to build nuclear reactors. Solution: Start charging customers for them before they're built  (washingtonpost.com)	(115)
		Liberals insist the country is ungovernable because Obama is exactly like Carter. If only Reagan were here there would be no problems with anything ever  (realclearpolitics.com)	(146)
		A-Rod pegged for questioning in FBI drug probe  (sports.espn.go.com)	(22)
(Last Starfighter)		Do alien ships really drop gold and jewels at you when they asplode? Probably not. But this game's pretty fun all the same  (awfulgames.com)	(21)
(Some Guy)		If Mythbuster Grant Imahara gets 100,000 followers on Twitter he will build Craig Ferguson a Robot Skeleton Sidekick, and he's only 8,000 away. Perhaps Fark could help make this a reality  (twitter.com)	(273)

		What do you get when you combine Robin Williams, Stewie Griffin, and a preprogrammed urge to find Sarah Connor?  (gizmodo.com)	(22)
		Criminal masterminds rob a Domino's delivery driver and steal $36 worth of chicken wings  (consumerist.com)	(65)
		Pat Robertson offers compassionate words of encouragement to the people of Chile over their natural tragedy. Just kidding. He says they had it coming for making god angry. Bonus:"...personal hero of mine, Augusto Pinochet"  (open.salon.com)	(194)
		Just a tip, Mr. President: Poker? Probably not your game (with video)  (newsbusters.org)	(183)

		Peratech, a British material-design company, recently made a deal with MIT to create pressure-sensitive, electronically responsive "skin" for robots. Cyberdyne Systems has already filed suit in US Patent Court  (io9.com)	(15)
		Defense attorney who worked very hard for Democratic party and made large contributions to Obama campaign is finally rewarded for his efforts by being appointed to US Attorney position. Because he lacks experience, some have a problem with this  (foxnews.com)	(131)

(KFVS12)		If a mom shows up to school with a sword and a 40 ounce bottle of Colt 45, things are probably not going to end well  (kfvs12.com)	(77)
(Some Desi)		Editor: "Find an appropriate graphic for this article about strokes." Flunkie: "No problem"  (indiatalkies.com)	(103)
		Single mom had sex 191 times with 12-year-old boy: "She even rewarded him with a pair of trainers once they'd slept together 100 times" (with 'Probably not' mugshot)  (mirror.co.uk)	(136)
		Robert Rodriguez was all set to make his tribute to "Blade Runner," but the actor he had in mind for the lead role got booked so he decided to make "Machete" instead. Thank you mystery actor, whoever you are  (io9.com)	(52)
(Foresight Institute)		Rethinking alien first contact: "Any sentient creatures that actually get here will be nanotech-based robots, not water-based organisms. They won't have spacecraft, they'll be spacecraft."  (foresight.org)	(109)
		Robert Plant: "In The Mood", 1983. If you expected fog-shrouded moutainsides and Plant walking amid medieval scenes to accompany this mellow song, you're all wrong  (youtube.com)	(28)
		Chinese women's gymnastic team from 2000 Olympics to be stripped of bronze medal because at least one member of the squad was underage. This is not a repeat from 2008, though it probably should be  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(52)
		Problem: County running out of money. Solution: Shake down the local hardware store for giving out free donuts and coffee without a health permit  (vcstar.com)	(84)

		You're so vain, you probably think this headline is about you  (thesun.co.uk)	(96)
		Floridians baffled by new driver's license rules. "My Social Security card says Robert. My birth certificate says Bobby. They went and made me change my Social Security card to Bobby. I changed it and now I'm back"  (tampabay.com)	(235)
		"But then, cats that look like love seats and dogs that waddle probably don't happen much outside the USA, either."  (usatoday.com)	(163)

		Robert Byrd: the voice of reason on the filibuster debate? It's more likely than you think  (content.usatoday.com)	(92)
		The good news is that the collapse of Europe won't affect America at all. The bad news is that it will affect America because we sell these people things. Yes, there will probably be another war. Thanks for asking  (bloomberg.com)	(78)

		Obama starts process of bringing Japan's bullet-train system to America, based on fact that it's tried-and-true technology, has never crashed, and is greener than cars. "U.S. bullet trains would probably require larger seats"  (search.japantimes.co.jp)	(357)
		Note to Paris Hilton: When you're comped 5 bottles of champagne, you should probably leave a tip  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(54)
		Governor Paterson says he can't see the problem with his plunging poll numbers  (nydailynews.com)	(56)
		Toyota to tell Congress that it's not electronics causing acceleration problems, but floor mats and gas pedals and cementheads who step on the wrong pedal  (nytimes.com)	(223)
		Ovechkin on the US men's win over Canada: "I was not surprised, I knew it would be a pretty hard game for Canada. They have probably the same style of game." and don't even get him started on that douche Crosby  (nhl.com)	(191)
		68-year-old man tries to pass a beer bottle off as a gun and attempts to rob his roommate. Somehow, he didn't think his cunning plan all the way through  (mcall.com)	(30)
		Robert Pattinson confirms that he will continue to say that he's dating Kristen Stewart  (contactmusic.com)	(38)
		Robot drum circle makes human hippies even more obsolete than they already were  (popsci.com)	(15)

(WOAI)		Cause you start out with illegal garage sales, then you're robbing liquor stores and sellin' crack and runnin' over school kids with your car  (radio.woai.com)	(63)
		Curling can be a dangerous sport. "There was sometimes blood on the ice, but it wasn't from physical contact, it was probably from drinking too many beers and taking a digger."  (latimes.com)	(43)
		Alice Cooper and Rob Zombie to team up for "Gruesome Twosome" tour and to let fans decide who now looks the most pathetic on stage  (starpulse.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)		The world's energy problems could have been solved years ago if somebody would have thought to implant electrodes into a cactus earlier  (mnn.com)	(30)
(Some Chicken Dancer)		George Michael seen hanging out with Rob Thomas, fueling rumors there's money in the banana stand    (digitalspy.com)	(60)
		Addressing the most pressing problem facing the nation, pediatricians and your mom call for choke-proof hot dog  (usatoday.com)	(110)

Beer doctor once again proves to be a better job than gynecologist, probably because you don't get as tired of the bitter, yeasty notes in beer    (latimesblogs.latimes.com)

(56)

(Some Guy)		Man gets away after robbing a Radio Shack. Which is odd, as subby thought you had to give your address for every transaction  (pjstar.com)	(160)
		Dead skin, carpet and upholstery fibers, and dirt from outside. If you said "What's currently in Paris Hilton's cha-cha", you're probably wrong, but definitely a Farker. It's "what is dust?"  (labspaces.net)	(21)
		Beware, this video will rob you of your sanity  (youtube.com)	(93)

		MLB asks players to keep guns, long knives, and explosives out of the clubhouse. In other news, there was apparently a problem with explosives in MLB clubhouses  (sports.espn.go.com)	(28)
		The main problem with Obama's War on Terror is: A. Lack of initiative, B. He appeases our enemies or, if a former Bush official is to be believed, C. He's killing too many terrorists  (huffingtonpost.com)	(97)
		Pros and cons of a robot army -- Pros: It's a ROBOT ARMY. Cons: It's a ROBOT ARMY  (csmonitor.com)	(160)
		Ellen DeGeneres is demanding a $150,000 wardrobe allowance on "American Idol" so that she can import the finest flannel shirts and pantsuits the world has to offer  (nydailynews.com)	(45)
(TV Squad)		White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs says President Obama would be more than happy to do "The Daily Show" while in office. "The Colbert Report"...not so much  (tvsquad.com)	(101)

(Some Ring Slinger)		Geoff Johns now creatively controls all of DC Comics. If you understood that last sentence you probably need to go change your pants now  (newsarama.com)	(35)
		Somewhere, a lonely woman longing for Robert Pattinson developed, produced, and sold a body pillow of him in all his sparkly Twilightness. And now, they've made other characters and are selling them too  (consumerist.com)	(205)
(OnlineAthens)		When paying a visit to your drug house, if there are cops in the driveway you should probably keep driving  (onlineathens.com)	(31)
		Former Intelligence Committee Chair Bob Graham says there's no difference in how Bush and Obama handle terror suspects and Lincoln is probably doing a half-gainer in his grave because of Cheney's recent comments  (news.yahoo.com)	(43)
		Dogs play by a set of rules for ethical behavior which probably echo that of our early human ancestors and have persisted in human society everwhere except Hollywood and the legal profession  (scientificamerican.com)	(54)
		If you oversleep and are late meeting your bail bondsman to turn yourself in for violating probation for domestic violence, you probably shouldn't punch your girlfriend in the face for not waking you up in time  (tampabay.com)	(78)
		Mets' David Wright apparently still suffering mental problems from being beaned last season  (nypost.com)	(64)
		You're in court on burglary charges, do you then: a) Commit more robberies b) Drop a charge sheet with your name on it at one crime scene c) Leave a DVD of your police interview at another d) All of the above?  (news.com.au)	(17)
		Bill Clinton blames heart problem on stress, sleepless nights of dealing with Haiti. Pay no attention to the mound of Big Mac wrappers in his trash can  (news.yahoo.com)	(58)

(Some Conspiracy Guy)		Three Tesla electric car company employees killed in plane crash that probably wasn't a sabotage job by the oil industry  (gas2.org)	(165)
		Seattle librarian admits she's never read Robert Heinlein or seen "Star Trek", but suggests these four novels for sci-fi newbie readers  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(162)
		You can now buy the Minority Report computer, but you'll probably just look at LOLcats with it  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(37)
		It's probably not good for the marriage when your wife starts dating the marriage therapist  (abcnews.go.com)	(82)
		Turns out Carthage *didn't* have a systematic infant sacrifice problem. They all got razed the same  (physorg.com)	(38)
		Jessica Simpson says people don't "deserve" to see her naked; which is kind of ironic because getting naked is probably the only thing that can save her career right now  (starpulse.com)	(50)
		You really have to wonder about what went wrong in your life if you're a guy who dresses like a girl to rob a Hustler Hollywood boutique on Valentine's Day  (interact.stltoday.com)	(39)
		Snooki of "Jersey Shore" wants to trademark her nickname. It should be no problem, since nobody else has a claim to "Slutty Overtanned Dwarf"  (thesmokinggun.com)	(108)
		If you lose the safe from your home marijuana grow operation in a robbery, let it go, because man, it's gone  (nj.com)	(21)

		Catholic dad defies court order and gets his child baptized against the wishes of his ex-wife. He sees no problem, because Catholicism is just a part of Judaism, with slightly less guilt  (abcnews.go.com)	(357)
		"The entire problem with Bayh and ["centrists"] like him is that the "middle" has nothing to do with staking out policy positions. It has to do with staking out political positions."  (ta-nehisicoates.theatlantic.com)	(64)
		Sex researchers say that ill-fitting condoms are a problem, recommends new sizing charts: Ouchie, Jumbo, Extra-Large, Large, Normal, and Hummer-owner  (physorg.com)	(103)

(Some Guy)		If you make your living as an undercover detective, reality TV probably isn't your best career option  (foxprovidence.com)	(18)
		White House revamps communications strategy, decides that the problem is that Obama hasn't gotten out there and visibly delivered his message enough  (washingtonpost.com)	(271)
		Having solved all the other problems in the city, San Francisco creates a task force to determine the proper ratio of sunlight to shade in public parks  (sfgate.com)	(73)
		Lego robot solves Rubix Cube in 12 seconds  (engadget.com)	(48)
(Enemies of Reason)		Problem: The front page of someone's website automatically snatches your blog content and displays it as their own work. Do you (c) write a special entry with this in mind  (enemiesofreason.co.uk)	(74)
		Photoshop a cookbook you'll probably never see  (images.google.com)	(72)

		Martin Scorsese will seek to stretch in new creative ways with his next film. Nah just kidding, he wants Robert DeNiro to star in a movie about the mob  (abcnews.go.com)	(41)
(Some Guy)		Probe launched into Mianus fire blamed on hot ashes, spicy food    (greenwichtime.com)	(40)

		Probe into death of Georgian luger completed. Finds the track is perfectly safe and accident was the result of human error. Nothing to see here. Move along, spectator  (sports.yahoo.com)	(185)
		Happy 36th birthday to Robbie Williams, who had his one and only hit with Take That's "Want You Back"  (youtube.com)	(25)
		PETA gets catty and puts politically incorrect stars in the doghouse over sartorial faux paws: "Jessica Simpson's wardrobe choices all resemble her career - dead"  (omg.yahoo.com)	(27)

		"Obama is dumber than dumb. We're not talking Dubya dumb. We're not even talking Sarahcuda dumb. We're talking pulling off your mask so the clerk of the bank you're robbing can hear you dumb."  (news.yahoo.com)	(700)
		"Liberalism is never wrong; it just has a problem explaining to the mule-headed electorate that it's right about everything. Liberalism is always one more tutorial away from sunshine and lollipops for everyone."  (article.nationalreview.com)	(413)
		Problem: Jessica Alba is cold. Solution: you have enough jacket for both of you. Problem: your wife now wants to know why it wasn't offered to her  (dailymail.co.uk)	(45)
		Photoshop these robonauts  (spiegel.de)	(30)

(Some Robert Redford)		Robert Redford honored with the Robert Redford Award for being Robert Redford  (dailybreeze.com)	(63)
		Jobs bill is picking up bipartisan support in the Senate. You're probably thinking that's because there's something unrelated in there, something harmful, to buy Republicans off. How cynical of you  (abcnews.go.com)	(57)
		Bill Clinton rushed to NY hospital with heart problem. Details, updates, Clinton expected to come soon    (abcnews.go.com)	(406)
		Michigan regents hastily call closed door meeting to gossip about Wolverine NCAA football probe. Finger pointing begins in 3 ... 2  (usatoday.com)	(55)
		Tommy Chong finds himself with a whole new world of problems  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(69)

(News on 6)		Armed robbery suspect who continually threatened to kill employees described as 'nicely dressed'  (newson6.com)	(42)
		While waiting to be arraigned on a murder charge, it probably won't help your case to tell gathered reporters "I was high as a motherf*cker when I did it" and "It's hard out here for a pimp"  (gothamist.com)	(26)
(Some Sinestro)		Tim Robbins signs on to Green Lantern, where he will portray Hector Hammond's father, guaranteeing that six or seven minutes of the film will be watchable  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(32)
(Blabbermouth)		Dirty Looks bassist stabbed to death in bar fight that probably started with dirty looks  (roadrunnerrecords.com)	(23)
		Robert Gibbs says the President is willing to review the GOP health care proposals that he has been saying for months do not exist  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(244)
		"Most, if not all, of the psychological ingredients that enter into religion originally evolved to solve more general problems of social interaction and subsequently were co-opted for use in religious activities"  (blogs.usatoday.com)	(277)
		It's probably not the best idea to re-name the bus route through the heart of an Asian community the "yellow line". Some people take offense to that sort of thing  (ajc.com)	(241)
		Police describe man who was robbed of his Visa card while attempting to use it to purchase crack as a "seriously stupid crackhead"  (denverpost.com)	(44)
		The Ting Tings aren't jumping at the chance to collaborate with Jay-Z. Maybe they know that he has a lot of problems to work through?  (contactmusic.com)	(41)

		Saturn-probe Cassini serves up a 53-mile wide egg over-easy w/photo goodness  (saturn.jpl.nasa.gov)	(28)
		While police work can include long periods of boredom, you probably shouldn't stage an armed robbery at a pharmacy you know to be under surveillance  (news.com.au)	(13)

		In a repeat from 1277, England defeats Wales in rugby. Oh Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrnd robwllllantysiliogogogoch  (walesonline.co.uk)	(20)
		The classic Noo Yawk accent is fading away. Youse got a problem with dat?  (nypost.com)	(213)
		Global warming won't kill us. No, it will probably be volcanoes...the silent killer  (newscientist.com)	(45)
(Some Guy)		Everyone should have a hobby. But that hobby should probably not involve running around a nightclub parking lot naked and high, starting fights with people  (citizensvoice.com)	(34)
		French President Nicolas Sarkozy has declared the burqa "not welcome" in secular France after two men robbed bank disguised as Muslim women dressed in head to toe traditional religious garb  (abc.net.au)	(483)

		When you film a low budget Robocop and Terminator ripoff in 1988 on a $500,000 budget, you end up with a robot who gets defeated by the sound of a car horn and a skunk haired female bodybuilder with a mullet  (youtube.com)	(37)
		Taking your eggs "sunny side up" probably won't kill you or make you so sick you'll wish you were dead  (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(158)

		Many scholars think much of what is recorded in the Bible is at best distorted, and some characters and events are probably totally fictional including Abraham, Isaac and Jacob  (time.com)	(100)
		Michelle Obama discusses the growing problem of childhood obesity, citing as examples her two daughters. Lucille Bluth approves  (abcnews.go.com)	(54)
		Correction - 100 problems  (contactmusic.com)	(77)
		My space robot can beat up your space robot  (wired.com)	(27)
		Police investigate string of TX church arsons, altar boys probed  (azcentral.com)	(44)
		Son fakes robbery of mom. Mom doesn't fake grabbing revolver, shooting where son won't shine for a while  (620wtmj.com)	(85)
(Some Shark Jumper)		Robert Knepper compares "Heroes" to Shakespeare. I'm assuming it's the fishing equipment and not the famous writer, because that would just be...oh. I see. Well, Mr. Knepper, you're a f*cking moron  (digitalspy.com)	(70)

(Some Observer)		Fighting naked on the neighbour's lawn is probably a good sign the relationship is over  (theobserver.ca)	(67)
(Some Alien)		British astrobiologist asserts that human beings are aliens brought to Earth by comets, making Captain Kirk's affairs not so remarkable after all  (koreatimes.co.kr)	(44)
		The guy who compared the marketplace in Iraq to a farmer's market in Indiana? Yeah, he's probably running for President  (liveshots.blogs.foxnews.com)	(17)
		Lindsay Lohan has a hoarding problem. Presumably, it involves hoarding cocaine, heroin, and meth  (starpulse.com)	(51)
		"Yeah, the robber's getting away. She's going south on Hertado Street. I can't make out her face, but she'll be pulling a small red cloud. Any woman pulling a small red cloud, I figure that'd be the one, yeah."  (liveleak.com)	(23)

		John Mayer: 'Tiger Woods' problems come from him being married'. "If Tiger Woods was single and he texted a girl and said 'I wanna wear your ass like a hat', why would that ever hit the news?"  (nydailynews.com)	(87)
		MacGyver creator is trying to stop MacGruber film. If only there was a man he could call that could fix this problem with little more than a paper clip and an elastic band  (starpulse.com)	(74)
		You probably thought it couldn't possibly have gotten worse to be a North Korean. Apparently it has  (latimes.com)	(342)
		Studies reveal that kids who have problems with social skills more likely to be bullied, join Fark  (news.yahoo.com)	(150)
		Now that Toyota has their gas-pedal problem fixed, there's no stopping them now... (as new brake issues surface)  (kansascity.com)	(71)
		If you are the police department and can't lower the crime rate, there's a simple solution: record felonies as misdemeanors and refuse to take complaints from victims. Problem solved  (nydailynews.com)	(65)

		Retarded PETA idea #14374: Replacing the Groundhog's Day groundhog with a robot  (csmonitor.com)	(119)
(Some Guy)		You've probably never seen an airplane factory disguised to look like a rural subdivision. Until now  (thinkorthwim.com)	(122)
		The coolest video of flying robot penguins you will see today  (youtube.com)	(50)
		Secretary of Defense Robert Gates wants to ease "don't ask, don't tell" out slowly, carefully. Doesn't understand the importance of rapid pull-out  (boston.com)	(156)
		Inventor unveils $7,000 talking sex robot. Yeah, he pretty much looks like you'd expect him too  (cnn.com)	(245)
		Haitian voodoo high priest claims all of the earthquake aid is going to Christians, leaving none for his believers. Pat Robertson has no comment  (telegraph.co.uk)	(76)

(Some History Guy)		Seven myths about the American Revolution you probably never thought to ask  (smithsonianmag.com)	(224)
(PJ Star)		Letter writer has problem with language in Roger Ebert's review of Book Of Eli. WTF  (pjstar.com)	(96)
		Meet Diego-san, the creepy robot baby  (engadget.com)	(34)
(Some Guy)		New musical about teenage sexuality, featuring nudity and simulated sex acts, opens in Fort Myers. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this  (winknews.com)	(54)

		If someone punches you in the face while you're robbing an 83-year old, don't call the cops to report an assault  (signonsandiego.com)	(34)
(Albany Times Union)		Good Samaritan stops to help injured people after taxi flips over. Just kidding, he robbed it while the people were trapped inside  (timesunion.com)	(29)

Subby knows robbing banks is a bad thing, but can't help root just a teensy tiny little bit for San Diego's "Geezer Bandit", wonders who will play him in the inevitable movie  (cbsnews.com)

(37)

(NME)		Police question Pete Doherty about Robin Whitehead's death; they think there's chance Doherty supplied the man with drugs. Yeah, as if Pete would ever give his drugs away  (nme.com)	(6)
		Not news: Kansas has an invasive species problem. Fark: It's alligators  (examiner.com)	(58)
		Pat Metheny to go on an international tour with his robot jazz band ....wait, what?  (wired.com)	(12)

(Some Guy)		Obama proposes a tax credit to families where at least one parent works. The Family Research Council has a problem with that  (frc.org)	(226)
		The iPad doesn't just have an unfortunate association with feminine hygiene products. It also has a rather large trademark problem  (blogs.wsj.com)	(115)
		News: Man attempts gas station robbery. Fark: With a fork  (wpxi.com)	(72)
(Some Poor Teacher)		High school teacher offers hot girl $100 to disrobe in classroom. When she refuses, he does the only polite thing: he doubles the offer and throws in a free ShamWow  (badjocksnews.com)	(405)
		The recession has seen the street price of oral sex plummet from $60 last fall to $20 today..."we are in the most serious depression since the 1930s. This shows the magnitude of the decline. It is deep and it is problematic."  (thestar.com)	(143)

When you've been busted taking photos of naked children at the local park, telling police you are "obsessed with circumcision" probably won't help your case  (news.com.au)

(35)

		Woman photographs missile-like object emitting either flames or heavy smoke that appeared to rise up out of the ocean, but isn't sure what it might be. She's from Newfoundland so she's probably never seen a streetlight before  (cbc.ca)	(133)
		Today's entrant in the "device most likely to get you robbed" contest is the Hermit nap station  (techeblog.com)	(28)
		Not news: politician's nephew is arrested. News: He was protesting dressed in KKK robes in front of the Australian Open. Fark: his uncle is the Prime Minister of Australia  (news.com.au)	(58)

		Robert Pattinson's next movie will feature him having "rough and ravenous sex." With a woman. Talk about acting  (starpulse.com)	(45)
		Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci reveal Star Trek 2 will be "about the villain." We were told the same thing about Nemesis, and I don't think we'll let ourselves get khaned again  (io9.com)	(155)
		Breaking in and attempting to rob a place = 1 felony. Defending your home and trying to stop a robber from fleeing = 2 felonies and a misdemeanor  (buffalonews.com)	(287)

		Marvel Comics, which is offering a limited-edition exclusive to retailers who send them covers of unsold DC titles, reveals the cover for the issue; it's probably the sweetest Deadpool cover EVER...and a slap in the face to DC  (io9.com)	(145)
(The State)		South Carolina Lt. Gov Andre Bauer compares public assistance payments to feeding a stray animal. "You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce"  (thestate.com)	(287)
(Some Guy)		Cocaine-munching driver claims it was donut. She probably could have gone free if she'd had a blown seal  (thedailytimes.com)	(32)

(Some Sparrow)		Johnny Depp rarely leaves his home. Yeah, if I looked like that, I probably wouldn't either  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(65)
		While the world has no need for a remake of "A Star is Born," someone has gotten it into his head it needs to happen, and Robert Downey Jr. and Beyonce are the ones to make it so  (contactmusic.com)	(20)
		Rob Lowe quits "Brothers and Sisters." In related news, "Brothers and Sisters" is a TV show, and Rob Lowe used to be on it  (starpulse.com)	(33)
		Problem: The security services have got wise to the fact that the bomb-detection dowsing rods you're selling them don't actually work. Solution: Bring out a newer model "that has flashing lights"  (theregister.co.uk)	(88)
		The second to last night of the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien features Pee Wee Herman, a Kentucky Derby winner and Robin Williams. It's your next-to-last late night wrap-up thread  (tv.gawker.com)	(142)

		First Charlie Sheen has marital problems, now John Cryer....wait, John Cryer is straight?  (cbsnews.com)	(35)
		Cartoon Network orders 40 more episodes of the clucking funny Robot Chicken. Yes, this is proof that it's okay for grown men to play with toys  (variety.com)	(154)
		Hate doing laundry? Is nuking that TV dinner becoming too much of a chore for you? Why not let your robot handle it?  (news.cnet.com)	(77)
		Republicans refuse to join bipartisan budget deficit panel, on the grounds that fixing the problem would make the Democrats look good  (nytimes.com)	(232)

(KCTV 5)		Three teens involved in car wash robbery figured they'd clean up by just polishing off the victim, but two ended up getting waxed themselves and eventually had to throw in the towel  (kctv5.com)	(79)
		Tim Burton to remake Sleeping Beauty. This means more farked up swirls, a lack of sunlight, and probably Johnny Depp as a mirror or something  (inentertainment.co.uk)	(77)
(Some Joliet Guy)		So, and this is important, when you put on a ski mask and walk up to the counter demanding money but nobody is around to hear it, it's still a robbery  (suburbanchicagonews.com)	(29)
		UK Olympian has a major wardrobe malfunction (asscrack warning)  (breitbart.tv)	(41)
(American Decency Association)		Carnival Cruise Line's singles cruises might include "singles meet-ups, dancing and partying". Guess who has a problem with that  (americandecency.org)	(249)

		Your cat wants a temple. You probably already knew that  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(65)
(Some Guy)		If at first you don't succeed in robbing a store, try, try aga--what? You screwed up the second time too? Fark it  (wlwt.com)	(15)
(Some Guy)		Restaurant robbed by a pair of ninjas, who reportedly vanished without a trace. Well, duh  (blogs.westword.com)	(57)
(Cambridge News)		"Hi, that 19th century 'Downing Street' sign you're auctioning? It's probably from Downing Street here in Cambridge, not London. Oh, and while you're on? Give it back"  (cambridge-news.co.uk)	(27)
		Shane Macgowan says that drinking Guinness has kept him from going bald. I bet he had no problem getting his towel, though  (contactmusic.com)	(43)
		The Super Bowl will be played at Sun Life Pro Player Land Shark Dolphins Joe Robbie Stadium. Somewhere, Joe Robbie weeps  (miamiherald.com)	(54)

		It's all fun and games at the strip bar until a customer gets unhappy about a dance, grabs a gun, tries to rob the place, chases the dancer up to the roof, shoots the manager, sets a fire inside the club, and then dies  (azcentral.com)	(178)
(Awful Announcing)		Jim Nantz isn't really sure what country had that minor earthquake problem recently (with video)  (awfulannouncing.blogspot.com)	(45)
(Some petal pusher)		Toyota's floor mat problem might not have anything to do with the floor mats  (leftlanenews.com)	(118)

		Assault and robbery is no laughing matter. Except when the suspect is 52 and he grabs the 26-year-old victim's groin while taking his wallet. And then the victim fights back and the suspect passes out from a heart attack  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(35)
		All the Tennessee Volunteers fans blasting Lane Kiffin for "betraying" them probably don't realize that they've ended up with a better coach  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(37)
(Some Old Guy with a huge mortgage)		82-year-old snowmobiler prepares for 3700 mile trip. Seeing as how he is from MI, it is probably for a job interview  (mlive.com)	(53)
		There were health problems for veterans from Agent Orange in Vietnam, then Gulf War Syndrome after the first Gulf War, and now vets face possible issues from the military burning chemicals in open pits in Iraq and Afghanistan  (sltrib.com)	(124)
(PopMatters)		As soon as Jack Bauer plunges into this eighth day, it's plain that living with himself is going to be a problem  (popmatters.com)	(142)
		Texting 90999 to donate to the American Red Cross to support Haiti operations? You could probably swim there with a ten dollar bill and get it to them faster  (online.wsj.com)	(112)

		Not News: Sex offender gets 5 years for probation violation. FARK: according to the comments and some of the rest of the internet, he posted some heartwarming YouTube videos, and should be free based on their merit  (wftv.com)	(204)
		FBI uses picture of Spanish MP to create aged likeness of Osama Bin Laden ... probably because the two had never been seen together at the same time. PS: He's gonna sue  (uk.news.yahoo.com)	(92)
(Korea Times)		South Korean math teacher becomes legendary for profanely berating at-risk students, whacking them with shovels, and eliciting high grades. "If it were in the U.S., he would be probably in jail for doing so. But yeah, it's Korea"  (koreatimes.co.kr)	(63)
		If you run a red light with a deputy right behind you, trying to hide in the back seat probably won't help  (nwfdailynews.com)	(22)
		Satan writes a letter to Pat Robertson  (npr.org)	(185)
		Dennis Hopper figures if he's going to die, he should probably die happy. So, he's filing for divorce  (contactmusic.com)	(34)
		Press corps dogpile Robert Gibbs over WH violations of promises of transparency  (youtube.com)	(101)
		First the Model T, then the VW Beetle, now the Tata Nano is in fact coming to the U.S., and will probably be available in vending machines you can actually use those stupid dollar coins in  (csmonitor.com)	(72)

		Not News: Police called after three men rob a CVS drugstore. News: After fleeing police, all three men killed in wrong-way crash on interstate. Fark: the men were in their 50s and stealing Axe grooming products  (freep.com)	(83)
		Lady Gaga cancels concert in Indiana due to buh-buh-buh-buh-reathing problems  (news-briefs.ew.com)	(62)
		Oh really? I think devout retards probably shouldn't work in the Senate  (washingtontimes.com)	(301)
		Both Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson are learning that there IS actually a limit to how stupid and/or hateful you can be to victims of a tragedy before everyone starts calling you out as a dick  (news.yahoo.com)	(871)
		Protip: If you are trying to sucessfully launder $66 million in counterfeit currency, it's probably best not to start by tipping your hotel maid with a $500 bill  (abcnews.go.com)	(68)

		The NFL playoffs are here and the Chicago Bears have reprised the Superbowl Shuffle for airing during the 2010 Superbowl. There's just one problem  (670thescore.com)	(49)
		Pat Robertson would like you to know that he may be a crazy old man, but he means well, and shipped a million dollars in aid to Haiti while you were still standing in line at Starbucks  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(364)
		Olbermann: "Mr. Robertson, Mr. Limbaugh, your lives are not worth those of the lowest, meanest, poorest of those victims still lying under that rubble in Haiti tonight. You serve no good, you serve no God." With video goodness  (rawstory.com)	(389)
		White House reacts to Pat Robertson's claim that God is punishing Haiti for making a pact with the Devil: "It never ceases to amaze me that in times of amazing human suffering somebody says something that can be so utterly stupid"  (news.yahoo.com)	(703)
		Disgruntled UFO researcher ridicules sheeple for wanting "solid proof" of UFOs. Bonus whine about Farkers' "fierce" reference to "tin foil hats, probes, etc."  (newsblaze.com)	(194)
		Probably the best use of long exposure photography that you'll see today  (gizmodo.com)	(16)

(WTF)		Pat Robertson -- "Something happened a long time ago in Haiti ,,, they were under the heel of the French, you know, Napoleon III and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. True story."  (cbn.com)	(554)
(SFFMedia.com)		MGM decide the next Bond film and the "Robocop" remake must be in 3D. Hope to make at least $1.3 billion for each just like "Avatar"  (sffmedia.com)	(80)
		Beverly Hills is going to kick non-resident, or so-called "permit students" in kindergarden through 8th grade students out of their schools. Some people seem to have a problem with this  (news.yahoo.com)	(159)

(Some Guy)		The Cure's Robert Smith and Tim Burton have officially made a Disney film for middle-aged goths  (twentyfourbit.com)	(20)
(News-Leader)		"It wasn't immediately clear whether the robbery suspect took the sandwich"  (news-leader.com)	(19)
		Transformers 3 to start filming in May will "focus more on the characters, particularly the relationship between Sam and Bumblebee," instead of being a loud, dumb movie with robots fighting, even though that's all people want  (cinematical.com)	(95)
		November US trade deficit rises to the highest level in 10 months. And this is probably a good thing  (washingtonpost.com)	(21)
		Milwaukee Bucks coach Scott Skiles hospitalized for heart problems, presumably due to witnessing the last 34 games the Bucks have played  (jsonline.com)	(16)

		I'm a bipedal unicorn with a samurai sword and your argument is invalid (Probably Not safe for work)  (iheartchaos.com)	(34)
		Welsh conservation groups explore new plan to kill grey squirrels and reintroduce red squirrels, probably at greater effort and expense than simply repainting existing squirrels  (walesonline.co.uk)	(68)
		Doctors in Florida set a new speed record for reversing vasectomies with a robot. If ever there was something you didn't want to be treated as a race, this is it  (theregister.co.uk)	(18)

Ellen DeGeneres claims to have no problem standing up to Simon Cowell, pee    (tv.yahoo.com)

(60)

		TSA guard who was responsible for the Newark airport security snafu described as a "model employee." Which pretty succinctly defines the problem  (nj.com)	(88)
		Robert Gibbs finally answers the most pressing question of the day: "I don't foresee a scenario in which millions people who hope to finally get some conclusion with 'Lost' are preempted by the president."  (huffingtonpost.com)	(60)
(Some Guy)		British club offers half price cover to the "first 50 sluts" at the door. Some people took issue with this, probably because they got there late  (morningadvertiser.co.uk)	(38)
		MP Robinson, you're trying to seduce me... aren't you?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(62)
		Donovan McNabb will probably be short-hopping receivers for a team other than the Eagles next year  (philly.com)	(110)
		Crabby neighbors complain about Norah Jones' home-improvement plans, including windows and a swimming pool. In other news, some people have a problem with Norah Jones in a swimsuit  (nypost.com)	(32)
		I'm coming at this with an open kimono, but we should probably touch base offline because you definitely need a bite of the reality sandwich  (telegraph.co.uk)	(213)
(Some Guy)		Woman arrested for stabbing a door twice and then setting fire to a chair. No word on what her problem is with inanimate objects  (goerie.com)	(79)

		Ohio police looking for two bank robbers, possibly under five feet tall and jamming out to Hannah Montana  (abcnews.go.com)	(135)
		Obama considering pushing State of the Union address back to February 2nd in hopes the Health Care Bill is passed by then. The problem? He's in danger of pissing off a very passionate, vocal demographic: "Lost" fans  (washingtonpost.com)	(99)
		Yah mon, authorities want to apprehend the "Rasta Robber" who has the community locked in dread  (khou.com)	(28)
		Why signing Matt Holliday means the Cardinals will keep Pujols at any cost. "There's no sense in giving Robin $120 million unless they're sure they can pay Batman what he wants"  (sports.yahoo.com)	(57)

		Doctor decides that Mona Lisa had high cholesterol. Because if there's one thing better for society than curing cancer, its diagnosing irrelevant medical problems in people who've been dead for 500 years  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(48)
		A 5 foot, 1 inch tall man wearing a mask accused of robbing a Wendy's. Last heard muttering, "robble, robble"  (kansascity.com)	(26)
		Without a doubt, the finest Folk/Acoustic rendition of "Baby Got Back" that you'll ever hear (song lyrics probably Not safe for work...yet sound pleasing)  (youtube.com)	(36)

(Some Guy)		I think we now know why Susan Sarandon dumped Tim Robbins  (moelane.com)	(99)
		It looks like Leona Lewis's careeer is hitting rock-bottom early; she's recording with Robbie Williams and Kings of Leon  (contactmusic.com)	(8)
		French Armored bank van has a Ronin with robbers packing serious Heat. The Score was several million euros. No word if authorities are pursuing The Usual Suspects or an Inside Man  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(51)
		You own a Mexican restaurant and need promotion. You: C) pay two stoners $100 to film a commercial with the theme "drunken revolutionary", encourage the use of robots, and then happily put it on the air  (examiner.com)	(58)
		Kraft makes cheesy attempt to sweeten Cadbury takeover bid. They probably shouldn't egg Cadbury on  (marketwatch.com)	(14)
		Friday it will probably be colder in Houston than McMurdo Station in Antarctica  (chron.com)	(243)

		Jay-Z has offered to overproduce Robbie Williams' wedding    (contactmusic.com)	(12)
(Courthouse News)		Judge can't figure out why someone has a problem with his policy of randomly selecting people out of his courtroom and submitting them to an involuntary drug screening. "It's a routine policy of the court"  (courthousenews.com)	(202)
		Report: Raiders owner Al Davis to fire coach Tom Cable. Because Oakland's problems have nothing to do with a lazy giant of a Quaterback with the work ethic of a tuna  (abclocal.go.com)	(137)
		Problem: You're a Blue Dog Democratic Congressman from Alabama. Solution: Switch parties. Problem: You're a Republican Congressman from Alabama and your entire staff has resigned because you switched parties  (dailykos.com)	(115)
		Man robs shoe store with a large rock. This would never happen if more people were allowed to carry concealed paper    (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(74)

(NME)		Coldplay raises over $400,000 for charity with their eBay auction of rare band memorabilia. They can probably raise even more if they threaten to disclose the names of people who bought said merchandise  (nme.com)	(14)
		Jimmy Page: "The future of Led Zeppelin is in Robert Plant's hands." Robert Plant: "Actually it's a dulcimer that's in my hands and I'll be touring with Alison Krauss from now on."  (starpulse.com)	(48)

		When robbing a drugstore, don't stop on the way in to tell an employee on a smoke break what you're doing. And don't ask if he wants anything for himself. And try to carry a more imposing weapon than a garden hose nozzle  (indystar.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)		Parents tattoo six of their kids at home, are surprised that some people had a problem with this. Bonus: "Oh should I not have done that?" vid  (wrcbtv.com)	(341)
		Skipping what has become a 40-year tradition, Chief Justice Roberts acknowledges the many "fellow citizens... touched by hardship," declines to ask for a raise for (underpaid) federal judges in his annual report  (washingtonpost.com)	(60)
(Missoulian)		Artists transform 4000 copies of white supremacist hate magazines into art exhibit that the authors will probably... hate  (missoulian.com)	(184)

		Bad: You get arrested for making a fake 911 call and possession of heroin. Worse: You also get nailed for bank robbery. Fark: You're dubbed the "Big-Nosed Robber" and get your picture all over the internet  (courant.com)	(75)
		According to Shelby Steele the racial problems of today have nothing to do with white racism, are Obama's fault and are easily explained with examples from The Emperor's New Clothes, Afghanistan, and of course, Ronald Reagan  (online.wsj.com)	(251)
		Norway solves MRSA problem- by stopping rampant overuse of antibiotics. But you of course should be sure your snowflake takes his antibiotics for that little scratch on his knee  (physorg.com)	(102)

		A deckhand who starred in "Deadliest Catch" wanted for bank robberies. How shellfish of him  (oregonlive.com)	(80)
		Chris Robinson, singer of the Black Crowes, is proud father of new baby girl. At 6lbs 3oz, she outweighs her dad by a pound    (people.com)	(7)
		While listing memberships in civic organizations is often a good way to enhance your resume, it's probably best not to include your KKK membership, particularly if you work in law enforcement  (abcnews.go.com)	(177)
		This just in: a big theatrical hit with a well-known fictional character can prompt robust sales of back-catalog DVDs related to the same subject  (reuters.com)	(50)
		The TSA is hard at work at correcting the problems that arose on the flight to Detroit. Just kidding, they're issuing subpoenas to bloggers. Happy New Year  (komonews.com)	(243)
(Some Guy)		Great Moments in Socialized Medicine #2,739: Cut off your ring finger? No problem: The nearest hospital will let you share a cab to another hospital three hours away, where they'll cheerfully throw the severed finger away for you  (thescottishsun.co.uk)	(244)

		Roberto Alomar is a Hall of Famer deSPITe one huge mistake  (sports.espn.go.com)	(51)
		Roy Williams blames himself for the Cowboys' offensive problems. Good, it's finally unanimous  (espn.go.com)	(25)
		Obama's probe of the 12/25 terrorist attack penetrates deep into the intelligence community; leaves CIA sore  (politico.com)	(57)
		Just so you know, when you crash your car, the towtruck guy is there to help. He will probably even give you a ride. You don't need to carjack him  (courant.com)	(23)
		Amy Winehouse is spendin New Year's Eve in the hospital, probably because they have the best pills  (contactmusic.com)	(21)
		Despite his 11 divorces, the man told the court he never has problems finding women. "I send out a hook in all directions, and the fish come on their own."  (myfoxdc.com)	(111)
(uticaod.com)		Pantless Utica man tells police he was robbed. Of his pants and his sneakers. At gunpoint. Bonus: doctor has no idea if the man was shot  (uticaod.com)	(41)
		If you steal a diesel truck, it's probably not a good idea to fill it with unleaded gas and then call the police when it breaks down  (msnbc.msn.com)	(60)

		If there's two things the Republicans love to start screaming over, it's Christmas and terrorism. Problem is, they're furious over Christmas and celebrating terrorism  (freep.com)	(195)
		While the Shuttle program winds down and NASA sees an uncertain future, a small half-ton probe crosses the halfway point to Pluto on its way to interstellar space  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(56)
		Three teenagers commit robbery with a knife, a stick, and a plastic toy leg, finally letting the world know what comes below a stick in the hierarchy of weaponry  (stuff.co.nz)	(41)

Robert De Niro's words of wisdom for his kids: "I have nipples Greg, could you milk me?"  (starpulse.com)

(24)

(Some Guy)		Man has a problem with a hill being too steep to ride up on his bike. Solution? Build a robot to ride tandem with  (neatorama.com)	(20)
		Swedish researchers conclude there is probably no Santa. Here comes the science  (sciencedaily.com)	(42)

If you rob a fast-food joint, don't order a meal and sit down to eat it after holding the place up. "We've come across some stupid criminals in our time but this beats all," police marvel  (thesun.co.uk)

(55)

For those of you looking for a Christmas present, enjoy this December 1966 clip of Santa Claus meeting Batman and Robin as they scale a building. It just doesn't get any more Ho Ho Ho than that  (youtube.com)

(21)

(Some Guy)		You better believe PETA has a problem with Michael Vick winning The Ed Block Award for sportsmanship and courage  (nfl.fanhouse.com)	(87)
		Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon split up. I don't understand. Does this mean he's an orphan now?  (abcnews.go.com)	(86)

		Problem: Hollywood puts out two dozen big-budget stankfests a year. Solution: The best straight-to-DVD releases of 2009. Warning: movie descriptions exceed fourth grade reading level (Sponsored link)  (ifc.com)	(76)
		If you only see one sickeningly sweet set of pictures of an acrobatic baby panda today, it might as well be this one  (dailymail.co.uk)	(39)
		Pro tip: Don't piss off the gas station manager working 18 hour days by trying to rob him -- especially if he has a panic button that can lock you in the store until police arrive  (nydailynews.com)	(52)
		Unless Fox gets more money from the cable company, cable customers won't be able to watch American Idol on cable TV. Subby fails to understand what the problem is  (orlandosentinel.com)	(130)
		Probably the coolest radio controlled USS Enterprise you'll see this year  (wired.com)	(61)
(WKRN)		Santa Claus robs bank, says he needed the money "to pay his elves"  (wkrn.com)	(21)

		Recording studio robbers luck into the world's only non-packing rap crew  (myfoxla.com)	(40)
		Balloon Boy parents hit with a tab of $42,000 for their October stunt. Will probably have to sell their share of the Brooklyn Bridge to pay for it  (denverpost.com)	(140)
(FDNM)		You've read about DUIs on a lawnmower, a snowplow, even a motorized bar stool -- but you probably haven't read about one on a forklift  (newsminer.com)	(30)

(BattleSwarm)		Those on the right see ObamaCare as the government takeover of health care. Those on the left see it as a massive giveaway to insurance companies. "Sadly, they're both probably right."  (battleswarmblog.com)	(83)
		Witness: This woman collapsed, can you EMTs help? EMTs: Yeah... we would, but... we're kinda on our break. You should probably call 9-1-1. Witness: But you're... wait, where are you going?  (wcbstv.com)	(455)
(Some Na'vi)		Language reference website opens for Na'vi, the invented language from the movie Avatar. Surprisingly, no translation provided for "if you can understand this, you're probably a virgin"  (learnnavi.org)	(62)

		Ten things you've probably already heard that you won't mind hearing again  (livescience.com)	(89)
		News: Bill O'Reilly says nice things about Michelle Obama Not News: Laura Ingraham has a problem with this Fark: Bill O'Reilly calls Ingraham a Kool-Aid drinker  (huffingtonpost.com)	(124)
		Scientific party tricks - they probably won't get you laid, but they'll kill some time at your lame office Christmas party  (youtube.com)	(72)
		Alcohol now costs less than water in British supermarkets. Naturally the Nanny State has a bloody huge problem with this  (timesonline.co.uk)	(119)

(Some Guy)		Civic Christmas display takes people back 350 years when Christmas was illegal, featuring burned Christmas trees, impaled robins and severed heads choking on mince pies. Submitter wishes he lived in those times, but now he's off to the mall  (yorkpress.co.uk)	(123)
(McClatchy)		Probing of Dicks is over, with happy ending  (mcclatchydc.com)	(12)

		Yeah, you probably have mad cow disease  (guardian.co.uk)	(141)
(Some Guy)		Worst. Bank Robber. Ever. "We still think someone should post SeattleCrime's report on Fark or a similar Web site to see how entertaining national readers find the robber's choice of attire"  (seattlepostglobe.org)	(4)
		Dave Mustaine says neck problems, the silliness of eighties metal are making him consider retirement  (contactmusic.com)	(29)
		The best pictures of a snowboarder stuck on a cliffface you will see today...probably  (dailymail.co.uk)	(25)
		Remember when Obama ordered "IHS" covered up at his Georgetown speech? Since then he's had no problem pimpin' in front of backdrops all around the world  (cnsnews.com)	(164)

		Nova Scotia premier sends a Christmas card with a photo of him and his spouse. Some people have a problem with this for some reason  (cbc.ca)	(108)
(Some Mainer)		Why are lobster prices so low? "The basic problem is, the world is broke"  (pressherald.mainetoday.com)	(76)
(Some Guy)		America's Sheriff says "People everywhere deserve a little Christmas cheer. Especially those incarcerated during the holiday season." Not surprisingly some inmates have a problem with this  (wbaltv.com)	(156)
		Billy Corgan says he's "very caught up in Jessica Simpson's mystique." Sadly, this will probably inspire a triple-disk box set of really touchy-feely crap  (celebitchy.com)	(48)
		The Pogues' "Fairytale of New York" is perennial Christmas favorite because it puts our problems in perspective  (telegraph.co.uk)	(48)
(One News Now)		Gay Republican group wants to sponsor popular conservative political conference. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this  (onenewsnow.com)	(232)
		Because "Old Dogs" did so well at the box office, Disney is greenlighting another Robin Williams buddy comedy. Well, maybe in an alternate universe  (contactmusic.com)	(10)

		Here's a tip for gate agents: if you've just told a TV personality who volunteered to get off a flight that his reward is a 6 hour layover, it's probably not a good idea to add, "Don't badmouth us on TV"  (consumerist.com)	(93)
		"I voted for medical marijuana, but I didn't expect it to be in my backyard," says dumbass who should probably just buy some Roundup if it's in his backyard  (denverpost.com)	(298)
		Today's Fark-ready headline: "Plot thickens over Russian pantyhose probe"  (thelocal.se)	(35)
(Some Guy)		"Vancouver obviously has a touch of an identity problem. But why is that news? It's not. It's Fark."  (vanvoice.com)	(0)

		You are a responding officer on a call about a woman on a school campus "injuring herself" with a large knife. Do you: (c) shoot her in the head, thus "eliminating the problem"?  (cbs13.com)	(219)
		In the most ingenious casting move ever, Russell Crowe to play a really pissed-off Robin Hood  (denofgeek.com)	(82)
		If you MUST rob a bank, don't make your getaway in your BMW with personalized plates bearing your name  (thesun.co.uk)	(33)

		Supermarket unveils line of Christmas cards making fun of redheads. Naturally the gingers have a problem with it  (mirror.co.uk)	(272)
		Yeah, as suspected, Lindsay Lohan's "I saved 40 Indian orphans" claim is probably just a bit of drug psychosis kicking in  (telegraph.co.uk)	(44)
		Pair of shadey characters robbing optometry stores last seen driving away in a 20/10 Cataract. Police are focusing in on them. Call if you have any contacts  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(45)
(Some Guy)		Scientists trying to figure how to program battlefield robots to feel guilt. Submitter would suggest putting his mom in charge of raising them  (volokh.com)	(34)

(Press Democrat)		City designates "bicycle boulevard", a unique type of road where bicycles are allowed and drivers are supposed to pass them only when safe. You bet people have a problem with this  (pressdemocrat.com)	(349)
(Some Lonely Guy)		Newspaper letters to the editor pages can be so predictable; Obama this, b-b-b-but Bush that, old man yells at cloud, expect controversy when sex robots arrive -- wait, what?  (gazetteonline.com)	(114)

		Latest "Law & Order" episode calls right-wing pundits "a cancer spreading ignorance and hate"; naturally, Bill O'Reilly has a problem with this  (huffingtonpost.com)	(185)
		Man robbed while on MySpace date. If Farkers did this, they would have left atheist dissertations, pictures of captioned kitties, and a very snarky message on the bathroom mirror  (freep.com)	(59)
		Why settle for singing heads when you can have a hot female robot?  (youtube.com)	(38)
		Robert MacNeil with a Sesame Street Special Report on Cookiegate. Cookie Monster: "Me fuzzy on that one." MacNeil: "You're fuzzy. Period"  (youtube.com)	(19)

(some MIT scientists)		MIT project aims to reinvent AI. Prepare to welcome robot overloards, hide Sarah Connor  (web.mit.edu)	(50)
(Wired.co.uk)		The fastest robot mouse you'll see all day  (wired.co.uk)	(15)

(Some Guy)		"Georgia Republicans need someone with the fortitude to clean up the culture of scotch and strippers that now permeates the Georgia General Assembly," which probably eliminates you  (peachpundit.com)	(40)
(Political Wire)		According to Sen. Jim DeMint, Republicans actually have the same problem as Obama: They are too far left  (politicalwire.com)	(92)
		New Orleans thug robs "Lucky Dog" vendor near Bourbon Street... A vendor who happens to be a Marine  (nola.com)	(206)
		Chemical compound found in hops may prevent prostate cancer. It probably doesn't, but drink your beer, just to be on the safe side  (usatoday.com)	(44)

		Thomas the Tank Engine is a right-wing, conservative construct that is demeaning to women. Sir Topham Hat is also probably a closet gay  (dailymail.co.uk)	(197)
		Robert Downey Jr. became a drug addict by "accident." Oh, is that how it works?  (contactmusic.com)	(73)
		"I remembered thinking, 'Whoa, this is scary,' as it whirled around, almost knocking me down," At least Microsoft is on our side for the robot wars of the future  (physorg.com)	(16)
		Wells Fargo forecloses on animal shelter, refuses to let the building's owner tend to the animals, and basically lets the animals fend for themselves. You bet some people have a problem with this  (consumerist.com)	(236)
		Liverpool fighting the odds to avoid elimination. Not even Barca is safe. Some other teams probably play, too. Your Wednesday Champions League thread  (soccernet.espn.go.com)	(32)

		Massive robotic dinosaur is on the loose in Mexico. Submitter can't really think of anything more friggin' awesome than that (pic)  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(41)
(Some Guy)		TFette's baby was born with heart problems; we've watched his progress and were sad to see him finally pass away last Tuesday. There's a new angel up there but the medical bills remain here; please donate a little bit if you can  (ichuckpens.info)	(434)
		Say goodbye the public option: Health care compromise will probably kill it deader than Elvis  (politico.com)	(424)
		Caption Robert Downey Jr. in this awkward moment  (upi.com)	(73)

Problem: city fails to salt streets after overnight snowfall Solution: blame unreliable weather forecasters  (indystar.com)

(102)

(Some Guy)		Last minute Father Of the Year entry goes to dad who takes his 6 year old to the tattoo parlor. To rob it. While carrying heroin and cocaine. To his credit, he did remember to put socks and a t-shirt on his kids before leaving home  (wcax.com)	(20)
		"The charms of the lumpy, sodden mass that is poutine have always escaped me. And really, in a nation plagued by obesity problems, do Canadians need a whole restaurant dedicated this now ubiquitous food category?"  (torontosun.com)	(158)
		Scientists and lawyers ponder whether people will become attached to the household robots that later slaughter them  (chron.com)	(57)

(kenosha news)		Dumb: Guy travels two hours to the #1 drinking town in the U.S., gets plastered, and gets beat up/robbed. Dumber: He refuses to go to the hospital. Fark: He's suing because, well, it must be a hate crime  (kenoshanews.com)	(137)
(Bicycling.com)		This guy lost 331 pounds by getting his ginormous ass onto a bike, breaking a few in the process. It's a slideshow, but clicking your mouse is probably the most exercise you're going to get today  (bicycling.com)	(188)
		If you ever wondered where Prince got his look, you could probably find out from Little Richard (77 today). Here's "Lucille"  (youtube.com)	(13)
		Secretary of Defense Robert Gates gives his wife a $2.8 billion Virginia class attack submarine for Christmas. Top that, guys  (dailypress.com)	(45)
		Having solved all other problems, Texas legislature is considering banning tanning salons for teenagers  (statesman.com)	(66)
		As American scientists fight to lessen testicular odor and make nipple hair a problem of the past, English scientists use stem cells to rescue visual function  (sciencedaily.com)	(20)
		Media whipping up fears that burglars are now chalking some sort of weird hobo code around houses to let fellow criminals know if they're worth robbing  (express.co.uk)	(57)

		For decades its residents would have been pleased to inform you that all life on Earth probably started in Canada, but now there may be science to prove it  (canada.com)	(42)
		The United Kingdom's biggest problem? Apparently it's 'cheap beer'  (news.stv.tv)	(56)
		Are the CRU emails embarrasing, and indicative of problems? Yes. Do they invalidate the science involved? No, says Nature  (arstechnica.com)	(341)
		Lloyds TSB tells the British government to "go fark yourselves" and pays their employees massive bonuses. Considering the British government owns the bank, this might be a problem  (business.timesonline.co.uk)	(14)

(Some Guy)		Man faces cyberstalking charges after sending 27 emails in less than an hour to a blogger. "I probably frightened her"  (wxii12.com)	(143)
		If there was any doubt as to which list William C. Caldwell III of Georgia is on, it was eliminated when he dressed as an elf and told a mall Santa that he was carrying dynamite. With pic of what an elf probably doesn't look like  (news.yahoo.com)	(92)
		Sir, enclosed please find $50 you kindly gave me after I unsuccessfully tried to rob your store with a bat. Your rifle was very scary. I now have a job and a child. Yours truly, Reformed Thug  (bostonherald.com)	(99)
		If your wife's visa is rejected, it probably won't help her case if you threaten to decapitate the U.S. consular official  (myfoxdc.com)	(39)
		Will the Indianapolis Colts go unbeaten? Probably not. But that has more to do with what they want to do rather than how good they are  (espn.go.com)	(41)

Good news everyone. The robotic version of "The Stranger" will soon be available for home use  (news.yahoo.com)

(36)

		Armed-sea-creature gap between US and Russia widens as scientists design robotic clams to detonate underwater mines  (livescience.com)	(34)
		So there's a gay elf sex scene in Dragon Age Origins. Surely no one has a problem with this right? Right. Nobody at all  (iheartchaos.com)	(315)
(Some Guy)		Second rule of bank robbing: Know what time the bank closes  (ydr.inyork.com)	(39)
		Sure, your job sucks, but at least you don't have to worry about neurological problems due to exposure to a "mist of pig brain tissue."  (chicagotribune.com)	(85)
(Some Guy)		Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Rob-Your-Dying-Ass-in-the-ER  (phillyburbs.com)	(42)
		New light shed on epilepsy. Hopefully, it's not a strobe light    (sciencedaily.com)	(18)
		First rule of bank robbing: a funeral home is not a bank  (myfoxdc.com)	(23)
		Two men get probation over an oregano fight, thanks to a judge's sage decision  (mcall.com)	(27)
		Former Miss Argentina dies from cosmetic buttocks surgery - and she thought all her problems were behind her  (huffingtonpost.com)	(131)

		For the last time, people - if you're going to rob the Wendy's drive-thru, make sure your mom isn't working that night  (msnbc.msn.com)	(80)
		If you legalize marijuana and keep its costs low, you get more public health problems. If you tax it too much, you get smuggling and a black market. So keep it illegal, says George Will  (washingtonpost.com)	(257)

		Jay Leno losing audience share to a corporately manufactured TV robot that spits out week-old entertainment material to brain-dead couch potatoes  (breitbart.com)	(64)
		No Problem? Yeah, someone has a problem with that  (boston.com)	(318)
(Some Guy)		Drinkers with a running problem gather for the Beer Mile, a sport combining the two activities, with a tough set of rules: "If you puke, you have to run a penalty lap" (pics)  (ottawacitizen.com)	(19)
		Losing your rivalry game by 2 probably won't help your job security, but it will give you a shot to quote Zapata in a post-game press conference  (google.com)	(38)

		If you put a sheep named Rob into a shopping cart and then pushed it into a supermarket, the police would like a word (pic)  (thesun.co.uk)	(50)
(The Argus)		Goth leather pagan robs bank, gives the money away, turns himself in. Ta-WTF?  (theargus.co.uk)	(51)
		Amazing dashcam footage from a San Francisco trolley exactly 100 years ago. Look at those fools aimlessly rushing here and there. Thankfully we don't have that problem in the 21st Century  (liveleak.com)	(61)
(WSVN)		Late for your flight? No problem, just have your secretary email a bomb threat to the airport  (wsvn.com)	(52)
		Purse-snatcher tries to rob "Geek Love" author Katherine Dunn, learns the hard way that authors can also be trained street boxers  (oregonlive.com)	(86)

		Sarah Palin lies about Troopergate in her book. The trooper involved, oddly enough, has a problem with that  (huffingtonpost.com)	(266)
		Indiana police called to two separate Toys 'R Us stores because customers were fighting over robotic hamsters. I had no idea Richard Gere spent his holidays in Indiana  (consumerist.com)	(130)
		Microsoft's top developers say they are still old-school coders and people who use anything with the word 'Visual' in it are probably Mac jerks: "I will fight you if you try to take away my text editor"  (networkworld.com)	(144)
		The best timelapse wrestling video you'll see this side of Robot Chicken  (media.theage.com.au)	(51)

		Obama's latest misstep: misspellings on the White House State Dinner wine list. What the fark is this guy's problem?  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(200)
(wane.com)		Man builds stagecoach out of toothpicks, probably shouldn't try to ford the river any time soon  (wane.com)	(19)
		Synchronized Robot Dancing  (break.com)	(13)

Economic downturn forces Japanese robot makers to concentrate on utilitarian machines that will take your job years ahead of schedule (pics)  (timesonline.co.uk)

(19)

(Some Guy)		Man robs bank, leaves crying - possibly withdrawn  (ktla.com)	(16)
		"Jersey Shore" a guido-fied Real World, may be cancelled before it airs its first episode. Then again, it's on MTV so it will probably run for thirteen years  (msnbc.msn.com)	(52)
(yomiuri.co.jp)		Small Tokyo factories pool resources to build deep-sea research robot to search for oil and minerals. In other news, small American factories struggle to find workers who understand English and can add two numbers  (yomiuri.co.jp)	(34)
		In what is probably the most obvious and unsuprising award selection of the year, Albert Pujols overcomes adversity of having a really funny-sounding last name to win his 2nd consecutive National League MVP award  (sports.yahoo.com)	(54)
		As President, I believe that robotics can inspire young people to pursue science and engineering. And I also want to keep an eye on those robots in case they try anything  (gizmodo.com)	(106)
		Here's a tip: If your offensive coordinator sucks and your defensive coordinator sucks, maybe the problem is bigger than just the play calling  (www2.tbo.com)	(49)

		We might have a Monday Night Football thread. We might also have a football game in Houston that people care about. Probably not though  (google.com)	(305)
		That cheap Xbox 360 you got off Ebay was probably banned from Xbox Live for being modified  (cbc.ca)	(151)

With "Fela" set to open on Broadway tomorrow night, here's some Sunday Afrobeat from the master himself. Spiffy and spliffy  (youtube.com)

(20)

(NME)		Man who "attacked" Oasis lead "guitarist" Noel Gallagher pleads guilty to assault. Judge will probably let him off, though, as really, it's hard to punish someone for living the dream    (nme.com)	(8)
		...so here's a classic 60s TV clip of Batgirl in Batman's lap, as he comments on how good her involuntary muscle contractions are. And how those could relieve the tension in Robin's lower lumbar region. No, really  (youtube.com)	(29)
		If police are kind enough to place your bank robbery note in front of you, you might as well eat it. Claim is was bad poetry later (with dashcam munching video)  (ohio.com)	(36)

		"Black Friday" tricks shoppers need to know. When it says "no rainchecks" and "limited quantities," the store has two of that item, and one is probably broken  (money.cnn.com)	(56)
(TheIndyChannel)		Doughnut shop robbed and employees forced to remove pants at gunpoint; unbelievably, police were nowhere to be found  (theindychannel.com)	(74)
		Mastodons probably died off because they were large, slow, and very tasty  (latimes.com)	(36)
		Robert Downey Jr. might quit acting, fails to remember that you never go full-retired  (cinematical.com)	(29)
		Problem: Army worried that Sarah Palin book signing event at Ft. Bragg will turn into an anti-Obama event. Solution: Ban the media from attending  (dailykos.com)	(272)

(Some Guy)		If you're trying to rob a home, the only thing scarier than looking up and seeing the homeowner aiming a gun at you is when the homeowner is a 91-year-old naked man. "He was screaming."  (newsherald.com)	(53)
		Governator says he will not be back. Get it? It's a play on when he was that robot and said he would be back and now he's governor  (breitbart.com)	(60)
		The most unexpected goal celebration fail that you will probably ever see  (youtube.com)	(35)
		Scientists come up with four ways to feed the ever increasing world population. Most of them are quite large schemes, we probably need to start with a more modest proposal    (newscientist.com)	(122)
		Robert C. Byrd is now the longest-serving lawmakkker in congressional history  (msnbc.msn.com)	(89)
(Some Guy)		If you're going to rob an 82-year-old lady, pick one who doesn't have a hairbrush  (newsletter.co.uk)	(17)
		Kate Hudson is uncomfortable taking about her relationship with Alex Rodriguez. Probably because she doesn't want to testify in front of the inevitable grand jury  (contactmusic.com)	(41)

		Push to raise drinking age from 18 to 19 in Australia to curb supposed drinking problem. Because if there's one thing teenagers love to do, it's respect authority and obey the law. Two things  (theage.com.au)	(61)
		How one hedge-fund manager (career criminal) profited (robbed people blind) by investing wisely (gambling) on the housing market collapse (the misery of others). The Wall Street Journal is there (laughing all the way to the bank)  (finance.yahoo.com)	(102)
		Man shot in hair salon robbery, dyes soon afterward. Another life cut short  (suntimes.com)	(66)
		Robert De Niro wants to be a rapper. There's one way to end your career  (contactmusic.com)	(44)
		Scientists to probe the mysteries of the rolling stones, but they're being optimistic if they expect any satisfaction  (telegraph.co.uk)	(32)
(Some Nico)		For the first time in years, Lou Reed, Maureen Tucker, and Doug Yule will share a stage and discuss the history and legacy of The Velvet Underground. It may not be a concert, but it's probably all we'll get  (nme.com)	(33)
		"Deuce Bigalow" himself, Rob Schneider, throws temper-tantrum, finally gets some attention  (examiner.com)	(73)

(KCRG)		Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds- but passed out drunk in a stranger's kitchen is a problem  (kcrg.com)	(28)
		When robbing a pharmacy, you don't need to wear a surgical mask, but if it makes you feel more comfortable, go ahead and put it on  (myfoxdc.com)	(19)
(Some Guy)		Thief takes time out from robbing a house to warm up a bottle of milk and feed a crying baby  (wishtv.com)	(115)
		Moby suffers from insomnia. I'm sure if he listened to any of his albums the problem would fix itself    (contactmusic.com)	(19)

(Some Sparkly Emo Vampire)		Robert Pattinson says he was "embarrassed" at rumors he was dating Megan Fox, demanded to know why the press didn't think he had standards  (irishcentral.com)	(35)
		Bank of America will be probed by Congress for stealing billions from U.S. taxpayers and lying to their shareholders. Fortunately, Congress is all out of lube  (nypost.com)	(122)
		Faith healer parents whose child died due to their negligence will receive only a six month sentence, to be served one month out of each year. Unsurprisingly, some people have a problem with that  (washingtonpost.com)	(250)