Headlines matching 'R'
Mon May 28, 2012
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Parent upset after snowflake gets 'humiliating' joke award for not doing her homework. If only there was some way to avoid this, like MAKING HER DO HER GOTDAMM HOMEWORK OCCASIONALLY (dailymail.co.uk)
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Expected cuts in RIM jobs (cbc.ca)
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♫ Butterfly in the sky ♫ Insurance rates go high ♫ Take my pride ♫ And hit my ride ♫ A rear-end rainbow ♫ (tmz.com)
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This farmer thought he had only lost 99 cows, but then he rounded them up (buffalonews.com)
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Photoshop these soccer players (telegram.com)
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Most people make less than $500/year if they self-publish on Amazon. Which makes sense when you realize they name their murder mysteries titles like "The Celibate Mouse" (observer.com)
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Tropical Storm Beryl enters Florida, immediately becomes depressed. Farkers fully understand why (cnn.com)
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Former Senator Alan Simpson (R-easonable Republican): "Show me a guy who won't compromise and I'll show you a guy with rock for brains" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Upcoming CBGB movie is assembling a pretty cool cast. Bonus: Estelle Costanza (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Lifetime developing a new series based on Clarice Starling who they're planning to turn into a victim of rape, incest and cyber-bullying (shortlist.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Forget physicalism. Let's doubt the Multiverse explanation. Maybe we're all just quantum bits in a quantum simulation (scitechexplained.com)
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Andy Rooney's WWII scoop from Nov 7th, 1944: The day Nazi 'robot rockets' almost bombed New York (usatoday.com)
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Businesses across U.S. grounded by critical helium shortage. You submitted this with a higher-pitched headline (detroitnews.com)
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NY Times article ponders why Wisconsin has become so politically polarized. Did you really have to ask? (nytimes.com)
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Sheriff Joe not buying Hawaii's story, presumably due to spending all his money on chickens (wnd.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chances are, if you're growing a two foot tall marijuana plant in a pot outside your front door, you won't get a chance to smoke it (bradenton.com)
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Here are 35 cool things you can make on your day off. Not covered: How to make a new article out of 35 old ones (lifehacker.com)
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Canadian hang-glider pilot says he's really sorry he dropped that poor tourist to her death, and he only swallowed the video evidence because his 12-year-old daughter stressed him out (dailymail.co.uk)
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In this day and age, the Golden Gate bridge would never be built, thanks to hipsters, enviro-nuts and Disney (mercurynews.com)
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History of the human race in two minutes. Don't blink or you'll miss yourself (youtube.com)
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Dick Winters, a true American hero, immortalized with a statue in Normandy. It's about damn time (pennlive.com)
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Apparently Best Korean officials are suffering from contagious and deadly "traffic accidents" (telegraph.co.uk)
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Testing 2.0: The ghost city built to test future technologies - from wireless networks to driverless cars (humansinvent.com)
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If you are beaten up by Justin Bieber and admit to it, doesn't that make you the world's biggest marshmallow? (news.com.au)
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Police state that naked man eating another naked man's face is certainly a rare occurrence. "Other theories abounded, of course, sometimes leading to comparisons to one horror-movie staple, zombies" (miamiherald.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kansas has just farked itself (www2.ljworld.com)
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| (SomeCambridgeGuy) |
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I don't want to alarm you, but the Chinese may have been putting backdoors in all those computer chips they made for our military and critical infrastructure. At least consumer electronics are saf....*NO CARRIER* (cl.cam.ac.uk)
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Ridley Scott is such a sci-fi badass he was scheduled to design the Daleks but he was busy that week (independent.co.uk)
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Google has been watching you A LOT more closely than you may realize (nytimes.com)
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| (American Magazine) |
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The telephone-like process of transforming scientific paper on prebiotic Earth into popular science article "Do Intelligent Dinosaurs Really Rule Alien Worlds?" which makes Palin-Americans laugh at science (american.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Everything sounds serious and meaningful if it's narrated by David Attenborough (gizmodo.co.uk)
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For this Memorial Day, 10 classic films to remind you that war is hell (gawker.com)
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The anatomy of a thunderstorm (earthobservatory.nasa.gov)
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House lawmakers will consider an international proposal next week to give the United Nations more control over the Internet. Yea, that'll work (thehill.com)
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USPS hands out $15,000 checks to 45,000 mail handlers. Thanks for playing (marketwatch.com)
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Happy 68th birthday to Billy Vera and thanks for the best slow dance song ever (youtube.com)
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10 airplane chemtrails that look like UFOs (techeblog.com)
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| (The wfds) |
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The WFDS loves the way FARK headlined a recent Nova Scotia story in a truly Canadian way (thewfds.blogspot.com)
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Survey indicates women enjoy the best sex of their lives when they reach 28, men at 33. After that, it's all downhill (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Law and Order and Food) |
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In the criminal justice system, takeout is considered especially tasty. In New York City, the detectives who investigate these dishes are members of an elite squad known as the Special Tasters Unit. These are their stories. *DOINK DOINK* (law-order-food.tumblr.com)
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As one of the only folks wearing clothing in the nudist resort, Hodges was easily spotted by deputies who arrested him at gunpoint after robbing two clerks at a nearby home improvement store and then stealing a golf cart (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)
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If you have to cross the new San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge on a regular basis, you probably should not read this article (sacbee.com)
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Anonymous resident of one of New York's trendiest neighborhood puts notes on light poles informing tourists how to behave properly. And New Yorkers wonder why the rest of the country think they're elitist jerksnobs (poconorecord.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know that sugar scrub you see offered on backpage? Turns out they are real things. Subby thought it was a euphemism for something else. Anyway, here's how you can put one together, maybe to give on Father's Day (thelook.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Paleofuture) |
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1944 Science and Mechanics predicts big things in the future, warns not to expect personal helicopters anytime soon. "The neighbors may not care if you crack your own skull, but they won't want you doing it on their sun porches" (blogs.smithsonianmag.com)
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| (Las Vegas Review-Journal) |
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Mitt Romney and Donald Trump to host a campaign fundraiser in Las Vegas. People expected toupée at least $2500, presumably to hear two idiots talk about nothing (lvrj.com)
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Female displays non-standard interests. Scientist (male) prescribes a boyfriend and some hot boinking to cure her. Bonus: Pics of said female with pointy knees (abc.net.au)
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Will Men In Black 3's worldwide box office success lead to Ghostbusters 3 after all? (denofgeek.com)
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The tragically short life of a gizmo battery (usatoday.com)
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Astrophysics for people with ADD (io9.com)
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| (Bellingham Herald) |
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Semi hauling toilet paper tips over on highway. Fark puns taken off the endangered species list (bellinghamherald.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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In an effort to get more loyal customers, bar will serve you a free steak if you buy a drink worth $4 or more. Your dog wants in on the next pub crawl (dailytelegraph.com.au)
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State's top wetlands expert suspended by Dept. of Environmental Protection for denying permit to developer, following the rules (tampabay.com)
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Finally, someone sings the Star Spangled Banner at a baseball game carefully, slowly, without vocal inflections, gymnastic melodic lines and theater gestures. Thank you ... Bob Saget? (deadspin.com)
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"My God, it's full of stars" (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: American flags displayed for Memorial Day. News: At Arlington National Cemetery. Awesome: 260,000 of them (fortstewart.patch.com)
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Photoshop this severe weather shelter (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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Crimefighter who rides a chopper. In Afghanistan. And is a female. Don't mess with her (bbc.co.uk)
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Five time world champion boxer Johnny Tapia dead at 45 (krqe.com)
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How Kickstarter became the Hipster Home Shopping Network. "From aquariums made out of vintage iMacs to handcrafted bamboo sunglasses, the following projects read like a game of hipster bingo" (theatlantic.com)
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Former member of LFO spends his free time hanging outside of abortion clinics, either praying or taking pictures of women who visit and Tweeting about it (buzzfeed.com)
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With the seeming inevitable demise of Best Buy, are we witnessing the end of the big box store? (business.time.com)
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Daily Show writer partners with Slate to crowdsource ideas for amending and rewriting the Constitution. Provide your ideas to the right (hive.slate.com)
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How much does it cost to be an unbeatable evil overlord? (io9.com)
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For the first time in history, a Canadian has won one of cycling's Grand Tours (theglobeandmail.com)
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At least there's one good thing that can be said about the economy. The black market organ business is booming (rawstory.com)
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Canada's national archives is being dismantled and scattered, who needs to remember the history of the polar bear uprising anyway eh? (boingboing.net)
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Man disappears in Niagara Falls whirlpool; presumed to be spinning in his grave (thespec.com)
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Sun May 27, 2012
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♫ John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, His name is my name, too. ♪ Whenever we go out, The people always shout, There goes JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT♫ ...Now that that's in your brain for the weekend, let me tell you why (cnn.com)
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Woman swallows toothbrush while brushing her teeth. Surgeons remove it before Oral B becomes Anal B (upi.com)
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MSNBC Host Chris Hayes: I'm 'Uncomfortable' calling fallen military 'Heroes' (newsbusters.org)
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What do you REALLY know about the Queen? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Build your own hovering lawn chair for the perfect weekend lounger (wired.com)
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A survey reveals that one-third of British pet owners would rather go away with their pet on vacation than their immediate family (upi.com)
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I'm thinking of using a non-sequitor to greet various people. I was thinking something like "Brother" or "Boss". Maybe "Man". What non-sequitors do you use or have used on you? (fark.com)
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Can Kevin Durant and the Thunder put an end to San Antonio's 18-game winning streak? Will the Spurs have an answer for Westbrook and Harden? It's the Western Conference Finals, Game 1, 8:30 EDT on TNT (nba.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Passing President (whitehouse.gov)
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Is Alexander Shtifanov the world's flashiest bartender? It sure would be fun getting shti-faced watching him (buzzfeed.com)
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Michele Rodriguez fires up the knee-sharpener (entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com)
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McCain adds Syria to list of countries he says Obama hasn't invaded fast enough (latimes.com)
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Photographer manages to get pictures of rare Sumatran rabbit. Look at the BONES, man (labspaces.net)
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The Lord is just in all his ways: redlight runner who hit nun has iPhone stolen by passerby offering to phone police (thestar.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cupcake returns for Star Trek 2, Worf doesn't get the callback (comicbookmovie.com)
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This week's SHMHC will push you, pull you, and destroy you (youtube.com)
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One bloviating ignoramus calls another bloviating ignoramus a "bloviating ignoramus" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Can you order top shelf hookers at the Travelodge? It's more likely than you think. (Not safe for workish) (thesun.co.uk)
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70 years ago today Czech partisans made Hitler very angry (bbc.co.uk)
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Things you can buy from a vending machine. A) Candy. B) Designer coffee. C) Laptops and iPads (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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Lions DT Nick Fairley arrested, this is not a repeat from last month (espn.go.com)
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Obama is a big meanie, just like his mom. Also like George W. Bush, John Lovitz, and all the cool kids (thedailybeast.com)
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Newly upgraded to a tropical storm and now Beryling in on Southeast coast (cbsnews.com)
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The King's cars sweep the front row, while Danica Patrick and Kurt Busch race the start-and-park crowd. Your racing trifecta ends with the Coca-Cola 600, live from Charlotte at 5:30PM ET on Fox (nascar.com)
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Dario Franchitti wins Indy 500, bestowing upon Fark another thread of hot Ashley Judd photos (cnn.com)
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Man tries, fails to buy meal at Denny's with $1 and bag of pot. You'd think if there was anywhere this offer would have been successful, it would have been Denny's (buffalonews.com)
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Japanese man creates wooden lightbulb (yes, you read that correctly) that shines like Sauron's eyeball. None shall pass (news.cnet.com)
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How can you tell when one party thinks it will lose an election? When it begins to argue that the election in question doesn't really matter (latimes.com)
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Yelpers to restaurateurs: If you give me a gift card, a free meal, or window seating, I won't give you a bad review. Capisce? (sacbee.com)
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| (Blastr) |
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Hoff disses Samuel L. Jackson, says he's the best Fury ever. Begun the Nicks Fury War has. (Bonus: "Dick Fury") (blastr.com)
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Photoshop this multicolored specimen having a snack (cdn4.spiegel.de)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kitten vs. the most evil force in the universe -- a shiny ball (dump.com)
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A happy 90th birthday to Christopher Lee (youtube.com)
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| (KETV) |
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Couple married for 65 years reveals secret of marital bliss: wearing matching outfits wherever they go (ketv.com)
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Doug Collins on the Celtics: "I don't look at them as the Big Three. I look at them as the Championship Four" (boston.com)
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In honor of Vincent Price's birthday, here is part of a super rare movie he was in. Can any of you imagine Price being a roller coaster freak in real life? (youtube.com)
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Pollsters ask people in Florida who's their favorite baseball team. Survey says: The New York Yankees (blogs.orlandosentinel.com)
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Behold a pale horse (nj.com)
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Climate change is a loss for some and an opportunity for others. I, for one, welcome our new butterfly overlords (csmonitor.com)
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| (WAMU) |
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Maine soft-shell lobsters are in early this year. Marine biologists require more clarified butter to determine why (wamu.org)
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The Death List: Cars that aren't coming back for 2013. Subby will sob for Saab, the rest shall not be missed (autos.yahoo.com)
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Romney: "Obama is 'naive' for saying exactly when we're leaving Afghanistan." Leon Panetta: "Uhm, 50 NATO nations, President Obama and President Bush all agree that you're an idiot" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Come listen to a story about a man named John / A poor farmer, barely kept his family fed / Then one day he was growin' up some food / And up from the ground came a bubblin' crude / Oil that is, black gold, Kansas tea (money.cnn.com)
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Reporter shows up too late to cover a sandstorm, tries to recreate it (metro.co.uk)
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The Avengers sets a new record even while slipping to #2, behind the ridiculously under-performing Men in Black III. I'm not saying it's aliens, but...it's aliens (deadline.com)
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| (dump.com) |
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If you don't think a dog can retrieve a toy stuck on a ceiling fan, you'd be jumping to the wrong conclusion (dump.com)
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Amanda Bynes pulls a third DUI and hit-and-run, with the suspect identifying her from a mugshot taken four days earlier for the same crime (tmz.com)
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How to be #1 SUPER-PATRIOT. USA USA USA USA (mentalfloss.com)
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If you don't like these amusing examples of passive aggressive behavior, than you can kindly piss off (dailymail.co.uk)
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Dry land is not a myth (scientificamerican.com)
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| (Gulf News) |
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128 drivers fined for driving below speed limit. Obviously not in Florida (gulfnews.com)
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Will the Nats extend the Braves misery? Can a KC/Baltimore game have real meaning? Will the Cubs find another new way to lose? Does anyone not on the West Coast care about Angels or Mariners? Your Sunday MLB thread (mlb.com)
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Hey dude, it's a holiday. I'm just going to sit around getting sconed (kansas.com)
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Brooke Burke and um...er...something about "shake" and er.. um.."squeeze" or something, and um ... I'll be back later (youtube.com)
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| (Some Brony) |
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Free flash animation game released that is at least 20 percent cooler then anything else coming out this year (dragon-mango.com)
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The paperclip was invented in 1899 and has never been improved upon since. It is, quite possibly, the perfect invention (slate.com)
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They don't make them like this anymore: Fifteen unexpected summer movie blockbusters. Well, they still make them like Blair Witch Project, but that was a fluke (hitfix.com)
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Mitt Romney not into the "vision thing" which is basically the idea of telling voters about his specific plans for office (politico.com)
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The Cubs are great at one thing: finding new and inventive ways to lose (chicagotribune.com)
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German model shows up on the red carpet at the premier of "Men In Black III" wearing a dress made out of VHS tape. "She also happens to be the owner of some of the most plastic looking breasts we've ever seen" (ocregister.com)
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With the bases loaded, what do you do against a pitcher that's daydreaming? Triple steal, of course (deadspin.com)
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All whiskey tastes the same, just get the $5 bottle. There, THAT'S how you troll a whiskey thread. Or spell it whisky (chicagotribune.com)
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Chicago alderman bases his municipal spending decisions on a) the bribes he's taken, b) blatant racial pandering, or c) letting constituents pick how the money should be spent...and the answer really is c). Where's that fainting couch? (npr.org)
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Will Helio get his fourth? Will Andretti slow on the backstretch? How dusty will it get during the Dan Wheldon tributes? It's your official 96th Indianapolis 500 race thread (11am ET, ABC) (indystar.com)
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Shaq's on-again, off-again interest in the Orlando Magic GM job is now back to off-again (withleather.uproxx.com)
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Brazilians seek to lay NYC bare. Giggity (nypost.com)
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You're welcome, Class of 2012: Top 10 things no one tells high school graduates (ramblingbeachcat.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mayor of San Antonio has a few words for Charles Barkley (foxsportssouthwest.com)
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Photoshop this corpulent crimefighter (inapcache.boston.com)
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There goes my weekend (jalopnik.com)
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"One dolla bid, now two, now two, will ya' give me two? Two dolla bid, now three, now three, will ya' give me three? Threedollathreedolla, going once...going twice...SOLD - to the evil banker scum in the plaid jacket" (thestar.com)
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It's the most open F1 season for over a decade with Alonso dragging an ok car to points, Vettel showing he can race, McLaren finding new and inventive ways to lose points and Williams making a blazingly fast car (bbc.co.uk)
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Important men in history you probably didn't know about. Finally, a shout out for Tim Berners-Lee (buzzfeed.com)
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Wes Welker receives hate mail from TotalFarker (nesn.com)
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More and more members of Generation Y are discovering that instead of having mom and dad pay for their rent each month, it makes more sense to have mom and dad buy them a house (couriermail.com.au)
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Scientists debating about the origin of dogs finally admit to having a major bone of contention (livescience.com)
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Right now, more than 80 percent of the money raised by superPACs has gone to pro-GOP groups. And, according to the Center for Responsive Politics, 80 percent of all the money raised by these groups has come from just 100 individuals (npr.org)
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The $77 million cow pasture: "They were going to build a city. There should have been roads. There should have been homes. What do you see? A broken-down barn and a head of cattle" (miamiherald.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Unnamed cable reality show trolling Craigslist for South Floridians who have "atypical relationship with food." The things people will do for an Emmy (blogs.browardpalmbeach.com)
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Canada.com finds FARK's clever headline about Michael Vick to be quite engaging (canada.com)
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| (Doubtful News) |
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Doubtful News/The Skeptic thanks FARK for the story about Florida students and faculty acting rashly (skeptic.com)
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Police officer breaks into neighbor's home to do laundry. Fails to make a clean getaway (metro.co.uk)
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Florida saved 61 children from death by abuse and neglect.... by narrowing its definitions of abuse and neglect (miamiherald.com)
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I have no idea what you're talking about, here's a senior citizen in a chair floating above the ground (cbc.ca)
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TIME: "We liked Star Wars before it was cool" (entertainment.time.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The candidate, from a Dakota state who vowed to advocate, claims no time to allocate, can't seem to delegate, won't abdicate, so the opposition will nominate someone they hope can legislate (siouxcityjournal.com)
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Memorial Day: how it's changed, and why some people think it should not be part of a three-day weekend (news.nationalgeographic.com)
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Born in Malaysia in 1923, after 3 years as a Japanese POW during WWII, 3 years fighting for the US Army in Korea, and an act of Congress to become a US citizen, he still says "every day is a holiday." He's also submitter's dad (nj.com)
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Sat May 26, 2012
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Delta Airlines begins testing flights with even crappier service (ajc.com)
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Summer hasn't even officially started yet, but the competition for biggest fail while jumping off of a cliff and into the water has gotten off to a smashing start (liveleak.com)
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You can get just about anything you want at Afghan markets, including lots of stolen American military goods (stripes.com)
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Chicago Fark Party - 9 June - New bat time, new bat channel (fark.com)
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Apparently one of the 11 secret herbs and spices KFC uses is wood harvested from Indonesia's endangered rain forest (azcentral.com)
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Celtics. 769ers. Boston vs Philly, NBA playoffs (scores.espn.go.com)
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New York Times jumps on goofy trend piece bandwagon, explores hot trend of 16-year-old "young cougars" going to prom with 14-year-old boys (theatlanticwire.com)
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Body found floating in Nova Scotia river stuffed in hockey bag. If this story was any more Canadian, it would be leaking maple syrup (ctv.ca)
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In Solar Energy, Deutschland ist Number Ein (uk.reuters.com)
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Photoshop this gripping girl (inapcache.boston.com)
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Luke Russert "is emblematic of the sort of nepotism that gives nepotism a bad name" (salon.com)
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Jail in South Carolina to allow alcohol, but only if you believe in Jesus (postandcourier.com)
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Like many inventors, the man who patented the egg cartoon was no match for sharp lawyers and big business. His story is scrambled in a slide show. So get crackin' (theglobeandmail.com)
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Arizona spends $125 million per year on 13,000 K-12 students who don't exist. Can I haz Arizona tag now, plz? (foxbusiness.com)
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Hottest movie sex scenes. Over 70 scenes designed to help viewers forget the rest of the movie (w/ SFW pics, slideshow) (blog.seattlepi.com)
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You'd probably squawk, too, if some government busybody named your kids "Archie" and "Juliette" (upi.com)
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Will Junior dos Santos KO Alistair Overeem? Oh, wait, drug testing already KOed Overeem. Well, anyway, it's dos Santo vs. Frank Mir at UFC 146, prelims begin at 6:45 PM on Facebook, 8 PM on FX, with the main card at 10 PM ET on PPV (withleather.uproxx.com)
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One man's insane 17 year quest to change the name of the St. Louis Rams will come to an end when the team moves in a few years (stltoday.com)
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Paleoanthropologist predicts that evolution deniers will become extinct within 30 years (nytimes.com)
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The Seattle Sounders are outdrawing 12 English Premier League teams. But they'll totally give that soccer thing up once the Mariners or Seahawks get good again, right? RIGHT? (espn.go.com)
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SeaWorld's new Manta Rollercoaster stalled on its second day of operation; SeaWorld said not to worry, they'd call in a manta fix it (utsandiego.com)
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For first time in 14 years, ugly assed baby meerkat born at Tulsa zoo. w/vid (tulsaworld.com)
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| (On The Media) |
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A look back at the Max Headroom TV series, which saw 20 minutes into the future and then some (onthemedia.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Meanwhile in North Carolina... With bonus irony for the town name (addictinginfo.org)
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Socialism turns out to be tremendous for the real-estate market, if the socialism is in France and the real-estate market is in New York (nytimes.com)
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NASA considering a "tumbleweed rover" to explore Mars; the 6m in diameter sphere would be powered by Martian wind (sciencedaily.com)
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Video of ISS crew entering the dragon. Science fun fact: The inside of a dragon smells like a new car (youtube.com)
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Happy 75th birthday to the Golden Gate Bridge, the most beautiful bridge in the world (huffingtonpost.com)
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Photoshop this frog jumping coach (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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Some people think about how to fight zombies. Then there is this guy who thinks about how to tax them (io9.com)
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China criticizes the U.S. on its "dismal" human rights record, citing police brutality, arresting protesters, and strict restrictions on the internet (cnn.com)
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Leave it to Texas to deep fry anything. Like rack-mount servers. Mmmm, tasty, tasty servers (theregister.co.uk)
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Hey, why don't we have a gardening thread? BRING ON THE ORGANIC TROLLS (oregonlive.com)
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What happens when a precious little snowflake get his JD and goes to work on Wall Street? He sues his health spa for $500k for not receiving his "full complimentary breakfast" (abcnews.go.com)
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| (Edmonton Journal) |
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Owners of hipster lunch spot MRKT unhappy that bigger restaurant group is opening hipster gastropub MKT nearby and claims they picked similar name "because it reflects a trend in the United States toward abbreviation" (edmontonjournal.com)
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Entertainment Weekly's readers have voted for the best Saturday Night Live host of the past season, and it proves one thing: we should not let them vote in the presidential election (popwatch.ew.com)
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I carry a torch. Torches are cool (bbc.co.uk)
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Glitz, kitsch, human rights violations, a pack of Russian grandmothers, more cheese than a tailgate party at Lambeau Field, politicized voting, and Engelbert farking Humperdinck. It must be time for your 2012 Eurovision Song Contest thread (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sky gazers delight as Venus is poised to become 'Planet Of the Gapes'; astronomers haven't seen this much gape since your mom last night (brisbanetimes.com.au)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hand drawings of the Large Hadron Collider. . .as if done by Leonardo da Vinci (kottke.org)
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How to make a small fortune from Facebook. Step one: Start with a large one (nme.com)
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Joe Arpaio's "posse": "Hawaii duped Arizona into putting Obama on the ballot and convincing them he was really born there." Because clearly duping Arizona is difficult (wnd.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Officer, you have the wrong house. There is NO armed robber here. My family is cooking dinner. Can we PLEASE go back inside and turn the stove off before a fire starts?" (wiod.com)
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Illinois adds $1 sales tax to cigarettes to help fund Medicaid (suntimes.com)
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Neon, who knows how long she can go before she burns away. 77 years at least (latimes.com)
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Some favor expanding the radio spectrum to increase available bandwidth. This guy proposes twisting radio waves like corkscrews to create subfrequencies, which would create 100x more bandwidth with the current spectrum (discovermagazine.com)
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13-year-old buys old Polaroid camera at a garage sale that holds a photo of a long-dead relative. Here's the kicker: boy knew what a Polaroid camera was (kansas.com)
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Jackass finds a way to make riding a scooter even more embarrassing (youtube.com)
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Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-erp.) wants better control on your eggs (thehill.com)
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Eminem now working on a new solo record that threatens to be as massive as Marilyn Manson's comeback album (music-mix.ew.com)
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| (The Media Blog) |
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Today's utterly OMFG newspaper front page brought to you by the Liverpool Echo (themediablog.typepad.com)
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Interesting state-by-state breakdown of the road to 270 electoral votes (wrcbtv.com)
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| (Some Paranoid Dude) |
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When you order tomato soup, SIRI saves the conversation, and it will be used against you in a court of law (technorati.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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15 celebrities who are older than you thought...Jennifer Tilly is 53? (guyism.com)
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Man robs payday loan store and flees to a nearby KFC... where he tries to flush the money down a toilet (desmoinesregister.com)
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It's very easy to get a Canadian passport. Unless you happen to be a Canadian citizen (torontosun.com)
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RON PAUL has already won. This is bad news for anyone not named RON PAUL (communities.washingtontimes.com)
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Who here can honestly say they've never gotten drunk and decided to throw a Molotov cocktail at a medical helicopter? (azfamily.com)
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Rep. Thad McCotter (R-MI) may have failed to get enough signatures to get on ballot for re-election (dailykos.com)
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American Idol champion to undergo kidney surgery. Once again, another musical career starts after being influenced by the stones (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sometimes classic car restoration can be challenging. On other occasions you find all the component parts for a 1925 MG buried separately under two inches of concrete beneath a cow shed (bbc.co.uk)
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Rest easy, if you missed the first six months of Yahoo's 'Livestand' magazine, you weren't alone (businessweek.com)
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Most 11-year-olds look forward to summer camp or just being lazy after school lets out. These two look forward to competing in the Summer X Games (espn.go.com)
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Cotton candy maker shows a lot of sweet moves (liveleak.com)
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| (HRGBRG) |
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A short tour of the alternatively fueled office of hrgbrg.com. "Alternative Diodic Electricity Peanut Trees (A.D.E.P.T.s) do not need to be watered. They do, however, need to be covered in soft bedding." (w/ video) (hrgbrg.blogspot.com)
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Punching, spitting, and pepper spray. Behold the power of BACON (thesmokinggun.com)
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Mitt Romney says teachers are wrong that smaller class sizes help children, also needs your help to find door through maze of desks and drooling kids looking for the overworked teacher curled up in the corner sobbing (philly.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Vodak made from prickly pear cactus brings a whole new meaning to the term "spiked drink" (kltv.com)
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Photoshop this determined golfer (telegram.com)
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Brooklyn school tries to keep Class of 2012 prom goers from starting the Class of 2030 (vitals.msnbc.msn.com)
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Streaker interrupts Cardinals-Phillies game. Details of the arrest should be quite revealing (deadspin.com)
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You're 17, looking after your little sister after your parents cut and ran, working two jobs and pulling honors grades. You deserve jail time for missing too much school. Tag is for girl (cbsatlanta.com)
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| (Bend Bulletin) |
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Video games being used to train new generation of auto technicians. By the way, subby knows a great mechanic for when you get laser or rocket damage to your ride, he graduated from Sega University with a specialty in rocket-jump cars (bendbulletin.com)
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| (Some Guy in the Majority) |
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By a margin of 56 to 36 percent, a majority of American voters now favor legalizing marijuana (realvail.com)
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How to correctly cook scrambled eggs. Yes...you've been doing it wrong (youtube.com)
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Sometimes you rescue a cat, and sometimes ... that cat rescues you right back. A happy little story just in time for Caturday (tissues not included) (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Detroit News) |
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Detroit officials plan to turn off half of all streetlights to save cash. Angry residents once again left in the dark (detroitnews.com)
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1982 Sci-Fi Convention "Blade Runner" behind the scenes short film you've never seen. Bonus: Syd Mead discussing how the parking meters he designed would electrocute anyone trying to tamper with them (youtube.com)
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HAAA HAHAHAHAHAHA AH, Oh, GAWD, let me catch my breath...BWAHAHAHAHAHA (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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NASA worried that future lunar visitors may destroy historical sites on the moon, issues guidelines telling them to stay on the outside of the imaginary rope. Fry and Leela unavailable for comment (wired.com)
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| (BBC) |
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Cookie law set to come into force. COOKIE (bbc.com)
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Early baseball entry for Play of the Year (youtube.com)
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San Diego Fark Party, THIS SATURDAY May 26th 6:00pm at Pizza Port Solana Beach (fark.com)
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Can you grow a bread with Rogaine? Here comes the SCIENCE (io9.com)
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Google made a billion dollars in Australia last year, and paid $174,000 tax (theage.com.au)
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High school approves senior prank involving markers. Because you're reading this on Fark, you can safely assume that there was a glitch or two (readingeagle.com)
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Guess which German city is having a problem with rats? C'mon, this is an easy one (hosted.ap.org)
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Sixty-four-year-old Gregg Allman on his soon to be seventh bride, 40 years his junior: "This time, I really am in love" (content.usatoday.com)
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Barack Obama is facing his Jimmy Carter moment (telegraph.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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No one has ever been arrested on the charge of pimping in North Dakota ever before - until now (wday.com)
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Vatican police investigating leaking of confidential documents come to the obvious conclusion. The butler did it (bbc.co.uk)
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Recent excavations reveal Easter Island heads have bodies sunk many feet into the ground (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Professor complains that crosses on state university entrance tower violate the separation of church and state. Good Christians respond as Jesus would, by stalking, online harassment, death threats, and firing her from her job (au.org)
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Some guys propose on the Jumbotron, some guys use a skywriting plane. This guy outdoes them all (news.yahoo.com)
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TORONTO FARK PARTY - June 2nd. 1pm Blue Jays v. Red Sox, 8pm variety show at The Comedy Bar - stand-up, music and burlesque acts put together by our very own Mike "Nug" Nahrgang (AKA The Mustard Man). Come mooch a beer off Drew (fark.com)
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Joe Biden gives one of the most emotional, passionate speeches of his (or anyone's) career... not one iota of partisanship (video.msnbc.msn.com)
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Jurassic Park was built by prisoners in Cuba, with obligatory pics of prehistoric Cubans fighting cave-bears (io9.com)
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Fri May 25, 2012
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Skrillex renders Forbes' Top 100 Most Powerful Celebrities list invalid (forbes.com)
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Soccer player DIES. Watch at your own risk (deadspin.com)
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At last, something to look forward to: If you are elderly and poor, prison is a better alternative than a retirement home (io9.com)
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After seeing his neighbor's tree get cut down--a tree planted in 1930, the year he was born--a man decided to make his own coffin out of it (qctimes.com)
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New type of male contraceptive discovered, and it doesn't involve Mountain Dew or a butcher knife (sciencedaily.com)
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Child falls from window, lands in hospital. WE'VE GOT A TELEPORTER (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)
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In Kentucky you can get a 'Letter Jacket' for A) Football. B) Track. C) Bass fishing. D) All of the above (sports.yahoo.com)
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We now interrupt your PS3 game for a Pepsi commercial (g4tv.com)
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While we're railing against Bain Capital and their private equity deals, why not have a discussion on Obama's public equity deals? (washingtonpost.com)
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Not news: Bill Murray turns down fan's request for autograph. Fark: Bill Murray agrees to star in his short film instead (gawker.com)
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Worst traffic in America? Chicago is 2nd to none.....except for pizza (autos.yahoo.com)
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STOP THE PRESSES: Black Eyed Peas frontman Will.i.am admits he can't sing (news.com.au)
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Woman reunited with bike she lost 41 years ago (huffingtonpost.com)
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White people from Portland prefer Tumblr, white people from Tulsa prefer Pinterest. Everyone else, apparently, has better things to do with their time that use digital corkboards (slate.com)
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I-Mockery takes a look back at the best games ever made for the Sega Dreamcast (i-mockery.com)
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Teen secretly lived in AOL's HQ for 2 months, eating free food, using gym & showers, sleeping in conference rooms while working on his start-up. Everyone assumed he worked there (news.cnet.com)
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Photoshop this new arrival from Alaska (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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| (Some All American Guy) |
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The official list of words that get the attention of Homeland Security when you chat with your BFF Jill on FB (blog.alexanderhiggins.com)
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| (Bellator) |
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Friday night fights. Bellator season 6 finale, The Ultimate Fighter, and HDNet Titan Fighting Championship 22, discussion combo thread. 7PM eastern (bellator.com)
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I've played this vid so many times in the last two days I think I'm getting brain damage. And, as anyone who clicks will know, ain't nobody got time for that (youtube.com)
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It's still real to them...and their lawyers (wrcbtv.com)
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Will Zach Parise book his team a ticket to the Stanley Cup Final? Will Ryan Callahan pull a Mark Messier? Are the Kings getting a nice tan while awaiting their opponent? Devils-Rangers Game 6 from the Prudential Center (8:10pm, NBC Sports) (nhl.com)
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The Earth-shaving asteroid 2012 KP24 is here to remind you why easy access to space is good (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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| (MyDesert.com) |
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It apparently requires the efforts of four TSA and two police officers to identify... an iPhone charger (mydesert.com)
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"We interrupt reality to bring you Arizona" (opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com)
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Heidi Klum auctions off a back rub for AIDS research. Do I hear $75,000? YUUUP (content.usatoday.com)
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Dutch twin prostitutes, 69, serve as a harsh lesson on why you finish reading a headline before clicking (now.msn.com)
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Liberal People Problems: It's tiresome to hear someone preach about tolerance while only being tolerant toward those with whom they agree (slate.com)
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Seniors "flash mob" to the music of "The Wobble." To be fair though that's pretty much the way they move anyway. Bonus: Cute video (blog.chron.com)
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Dominik Hasek wants to goaltend again in the NHL. At age 47. With a 77 year old groin (mlive.com)
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"Bob Dylan and Adam Sandler -- Celebrity Doppelgangers?" If you have glaucoma, yes (spinner.com)
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Gizmodo gives credit to Fark for telling them about a dad who went a little too far in retaliating against his son's principal (gizmodo.com)
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Bridge from Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Under The Bridge" located in MacArthur Park. In other news, someone left a cake out in the rain (nme.com)
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Researchers use invisibility cloaks to trap, taste the rainbow (bbc.co.uk)
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Photoshop theme: If humans evolved from cats (en.wikipedia.org)
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In a move guaranteed to create no controversy, Republican lawmakers are requesting the installation of taxpayer-supported security cameras to watch over a bust of Rush Limbaugh in the Missouri Capitol building (rawstory.com)
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In a publicity stunt that could be in no way misinterpreted, the Daily Caller blog will be giving away one a gun a week to its readers--but only through Election Day (news.yahoo.com)
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It's time for the Fark News Quiz. The only quiz in the world that's easier to pass if you have a few stiff drinks first (fark.com)
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The incredibly strange but true story of invisible meth labs, dogs shot dead and John McAfee, founder of McAfee Antivirus, on the lam in Belize (gizmodo.com)
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Never seen early photos of the American West, AKA, at time when Americans had spirit, guts and balls (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Business Insider) |
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"People unwilling to work seems to be a real moral quandary, as reflected by the Fark comments on the story. Some don't have any sympathy, some think she needs more help." That's Fark for you (3rd paragraph) (businessinsider.com)
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Roger Ailes claims Fox News employs only one conservative. So that settles that (mediamatters.org)
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'Expert' claims aliens wouldn't want to eat or enslave us - the first ones we meet will be far too civilized, and will probably want only to serve man (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (ktvb.com) |
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Armstrong. Collarbone, not so much (ktvb.com)
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Some people write "wash me" on dirty cars. Then there's this guy (mirror.co.uk)
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| (Lincoln Journal Star) |
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Old news: Nebraska man convicted of driving while drunk and naked, with truck full of naked passengers. New News: Arrested for stealing 2700 gallons of jet fuel to run his farm equipment. Fark: 1400 gallons of it remain missing (journalstar.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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One Million Moms is not pleased with Marvel and DC's homosexual comic book characters, sees no reason why they have to go and gay up something wholesome like men sneaking off to put on flamboyant costumes and grapple with each other (robot6.comicbookresources.com)
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Warren Buffet hates Fark.com (smh.com.au)
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Woman complains her husband needs porn on TV to get him in the mood for sex - without once describing in detail the porn in question (mirror.co.uk)
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| (National Weather Service) |
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That strange noise your phone just made? You probably shouldn't ignore it as you're about to get hit by a tornado or swept away by a tsunami (erh.noaa.gov)
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| (WJAC TV) |
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Good: Petting the sweet kitty at neighborhood bonfire. Bad: Kitty is an ankle biter. Worse: Kitty has rabies. OH SHIAT: Kitty is also a grey fox (wjactv.com)
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The Colorado River is about to burst forth from its rigid confines and gush its majesty across the canyon. I came (usatoday.com)
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Jon Huntsman, the former U.S. Ambassador to China, calls Romney's talk on China 'typical', and suggests his views will change once he is elected (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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The Romneybot has initiated its Black Voter Engagement subroutine. Let's see how the first test subjects respond (washingtonpost.com)
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| (The Mercury) |
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Mum of two talks about her recent trip to the Playboy Mansion. Yes there's a gallery. Yes there was a lingerie/pyjama party. No, there's no word from her boyfriend about what he thinks about the trip (themercury.com.au)
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Doctor Who will carry the Olympic torch to Cardiff on Saturday, stop at the shop afterwards for some Jammie Dodgers (digitalspy.com)
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Philippine farmer fined for killing rare eagle. It was delicious (bbc.co.uk)
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If you're a pro wrestler touring a foreign country make sure you know the laws concerning flag desecration first before crumpling up and kicking their national flag in front of cops (tmz.com)
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Bain: Baaaaaaad. Their money: Goooooood (politicker.com)
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Father upset that his third-grader daughter was drawing swastikas as part of her class art project when she was supposed to be studying Native American culture (azfamily.com)
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How do you get a woman to shut up while you're arguing with her? Urinate on her chest (wptv.com)
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Senate Democrats agree: we're at war and this is no time to demilitarize the FDA (reason.com)
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No matter who loses, the bank always wins (cnbc.com)
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So, it hasn't been the best three weeks for Obama (politico.com)
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What's Wall Street going to ruin next? Funding for commercial space travel (marketwatch.com)
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Lehman Brothers did nothing wrong according to SEC spokesman Sgt. Schultz (huffingtonpost.com)
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UConn Hockey: No matter which team you play for, you can play for our team (espn.go.com)
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| (Zillow) |
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Interactive map of where home mortgages are underwater. California and Florida still look like Atlantis (zillow.com)
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"You can't pitch! You can't pitch!" hecklers yelled at the deaf Little Leaguer. Then he threw a perfect game (newsday.com)
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| (Sauk Valley) |
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$10,000 worth of damage to home caused by rebellious teens skipping school. And by teens, I mean first graders (saukvalley.com)
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News: Tim Tebow shines at Jets practice. Fark: On punt coverage. Obvious: At quarterback, not so much (espn.go.com)
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Riot breaks out in Israeli neighborhood demanding the deportation of African refugees. People attacked and windows smashed. Not the best students of history, these guys (haaretz.com)
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The trailer for "6 go to Orkney" aka "Mom and Dad discover video editing software" (youtube.com)
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'The Demise of Guys': How video games and porn are ruining a generation. This...is CNN (cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Britney Spears has to leave set of X-Factor after hearing someone other than herself butcher her song (mega949.com)
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| (msnbc) |
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17% of Americans now consider themselves tech geeks, have the wedgie scars to prove it (technolog.msnbc.msn.com)
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Robots are learning to recognize human gestures. But don't try that one. Or that one. And oh yeah, definitely not that one. Unless you don't mind them going all skynet on your ass, of course (sciencedaily.com)
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MIT invents hypospray (idealab.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Meg Ryan suddenly rockets to the top of the leader board for the most frightening arms in Hollywood (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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San Diego St. is so shocked after scoring 11 runs in top of 9th to take a 15-14 lead over TCU that they give up 2 runs in the bottom of the 9th and lose (gofrogs.cstv.com)
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Childrens' Art Festival expected to draw hundreds of people. Mostly with stick bodies, big heads and scribble hair (mlive.com)
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35 of the nerdiest Star Wars tributes ever (wired.com)
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"NFL locker rooms could be more than ready to not only accept, but embrace homosexual teammates" (content.usatoday.com)
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Wilmer Valderrama sued by neighbor for having loud parties, nailing every hot young starlet he can find (tmz.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Marco Rubio insists he's not interested in becoming the Vice President. It's pure coincidence that he's going on a book tour, through swing states, on July 4th (mega949.com)
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Mayor of a New Jersey town and worried about the recall drive against you? No problem, just hack the website calling for your recall and threaten everyone involved (arstechnica.com)
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Axis powers are strong. This is not a repeat from 1939 (news.cnet.com)
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Not news: man divorces wife over her cats. Fark: she has 550 of them (shortlist.com)
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You're in the office, these animals are in the sun (stylist.co.uk)
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"We will not let a tornado ruin our wedding, FARK you tornado" (newsok.com)
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Well, you know what they say: "crazy in the head" (gizmodo.com)
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I've got some good news men...well, mostly good news. The desire to send naked pics is hard wired into the human brain...especially the female brain (dailymail.co.uk)
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The UAE would like to respectfully request that the foreign women who visit it stop dressing like such whores (cnn.com)
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Throw Grandma from the plane (youtube.com)
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Susie Wheldon returns to the Speedway, Will Power tries to willpower his way to his first 'big' victory, Ryan Briscoe is confused by a question from his wife. It's your official Indianapolis 500 Carb Day thread (indystar.com)
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Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich will campaign with Mitt Romney in Las Vegas in what is already being called "the worst 'Hangover' remake ever" (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Man goes to hospital with a kidney stone... and discovers he's a woman" (dailymail.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Milestone in construction of USS Gerald R. Ford, America's newest nuclear powered aircraft carrier; its penis was installed yesterday (pic) (hamptonroads.com)
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Leave it to Marion Barry to say something racist while apologizing for saying something racist (wtop.com)
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Disneyland Japan to let cute Japanese lesbians have their wedding at the theme park. This is a great step forward for gay rights in Japan and... aw, hell, you stopped reading at "Cute Japanese Lesbians", didn't you? (smh.com.au)
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High winds + aircraft scrapyard = engineless 747 taking flight (youtube.com)
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Chile builds the world's biggest pool. Bring your swim suit and sailboat (blog.sfgate.com)
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Former Yankee arrested for going back to the minors (deadspin.com)
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| (oakland press) |
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Michigan man awarded $65,000 in robo-call lawsuit. Instructed to push "one" for payment (theoaklandpress.com)
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Doctor arrested for DUI goes insane inside squad car, spitting blood on a state trooper and descending into a rampage (Warning: graphic video) (sun-sentinel.com)
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NOM NOM NOM NOM. There, I hope those hours of baking and painstaking decoration were worth it (boingboing.net)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Judge approves extradition for L.A. arsonist's mother, whose photo will now be attached to every "your mom" Fark headline (mega949.com)
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Bacon tourism is real, and it's spectacular (cnbc.com)
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I'm a lawyer.....and this is my truck (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)
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Not to alarm anyone, but right now there is a full-blown war going on between two Mexican cartels and there is no end in sight (azcentral.com)
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Dark Side of Kaboom (thesun.co.uk)
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Scientists believe a new sensory organ they have discovered in whales shows how they are like "mammals from space". Still no transparent aluminum (io9.com)
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Drug dealer running late for a rap concert sends his mother to pick up ten kilos of heroin at an IHOP, neither realizing the operation was a sting. Oh I bet he is SO grounded (chicagotribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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In a move that will make you want to vomit split pea soup, The Exorcist is slated to be remade as a TV mini-series (theclicker.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Man subpoenas K-9 officer to testify in his defense, "I was hoping that they would let me plant marijuana in the courthouse to see if he could find drugs" (wtsp.com)
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NY motorcyclist loses license for speeding at 170 mph. Well duh, it probably blew out of his pocket (washingtonpost.com)
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Marlins RF Giancarlo Stanton almost decapitated Marlins 1B Logan Morrison after Morrison apparently tried to cutoff Stanton's throw to home (with amazing "The Matrix" video of Morrison dodging the throw) (deadspin.com)
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| (FrogSoda) |
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Uncle Drew got game (frogsoda.com)
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The specials today are a fresh arugula salad with lardons and a balsamic vinaigrette, a butter-poached dover sole, and the chef's own genitals. Wait, what? (not safe for, well, anything) (huffingtonpost.com)
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I like my women like I like my dwarfs, dopey and sleepy (stuff.co.nz)
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"No, no, no, being the bank's Head of Fraud means that you're supposed to STOP it" (bbc.co.uk)
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It's Towel Day. Enjoy the BBC's Hitchhiker's Guide series and raise a Gargle-Blaster at 42 minutes past the hour in remembrance of Douglas Adams (youtube.com)
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How do you stop poachers killing endangered species? Put a bounty on their heads to make THEM extinct (jobs.aol.com)
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OH COME ON. They got paid for this study? WHAT GAME IS THE REF WATCHING?? (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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| (SCIENCE) |
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Schizophrenia drug cures a form of leukemia. Still no cure for the CIA-implanted chip in my head (news.sciencemag.org)
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Deadliest Catch deck boss discovers that there's something even deadlier that you can catch (foxnews.com)
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The man then proceeded to ask officers for their clothes, their boots and their motorcycles (wptv.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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I'm stuck to my chair. I'm so very scared. Help (wlwt.com)
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London Police now using mobile fingerprint scanners to help identify suspects after deciding that dental records were about as effective as using DNA information in Tennessee (bbc.co.uk)
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Eenie meenie miney moe, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers, please contact Pierce County, Washington Animal Control, because they can't locate him and he may be a danger to the public (seattlepi.com)
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Scientists conducting autopsy of a volcanic eruption. But first, they're going to need a much, much bigger exam table (sciencedaily.com)
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You're mad because you think the assistant principal took your son's iPod. Do you: A) Talk with the principal? B) File a complaint with the district? C) Make a fake profile on a porn site under the assistant principal's name? (azcentral.com)
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Casey Anthony spends her days eating in front of the computer. No word on what her Fark handle is (news.yahoo.com)
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New SKA telescope will not be built in the Carribean. Jimmy Cliff inconsolable (bbc.co.uk)
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Rescue workers have to demolish part of house to get Britain's Got Tonnage winner to the hospital (mirror.co.uk)
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I don't know if we should be encouraging this sort of thing. Still looks better than Battleship (youtube.com)
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Fugitive penguin recaptured in Tokyo. Keepers are keen to return it to the Sea Life Park, but on the other hand they've already mixed up 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura (bbc.co.uk)
|
| (bend bulletin) |
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President Obama tells graduating cadets that the military will withstand budget cuts. Promises to keep it down to just one war at a time (bendbulletin.com)
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Jenna Jameson blew a high number; also: gets DUI (tmz.com)
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Globe and Mail picks FARK Mobile as one of the apps that make news reading better (theglobeandmail.com)
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| (whdh) |
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Don't you just hate it when a bunch of heifers crash your party and drink all the beer? (www1.whdh.com)
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How to update your 1970's Fisher Price toy record player? Make your own discs, of course (youtube.com)
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| (Michigan State 247.sports) |
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Michigan State 247 Sports loves FARK's headline prediction about their national title game (michiganstate.247sports.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Curt Schilling strikes out 300 employees (southcoasttoday.com)
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| (BBC News) |
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Photoshop these courtly cricket club members (news.bbcimg.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Live coverage of the demonstration flight of SpaceX's Dragon spacecraft to the International Space Station. Currently holding at 150 meters from the ISS (spaceflightnow.com)
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Comparing the ex Patriot Act to Nazism...always a good argument (upi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption what this poor kid is thinking (kinda Not safe for work: old man ass) (oddstuffmagazine.com)
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Got an hour and a half to kill? Want to hear Star Wars as performed be Jake the Dog, Pinky and the Brain, Philip J. Fry, Batman and Twilight Sparkle? (youtube.com)
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| (Some GaGa) |
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Target, which faced a boycott because they were apparently against gay marriage, is now accused of apparently being for gay marriage (kare11.com)
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First female skipper in British Navy's 500-year history takes charge of warship, immediately gets stuck in reverse (mirror.co.uk)
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The cover model for Blink 182's Enema of the State looked hot. Then she married Jesse James, got hooked on drugs, and now looks like a strung-out grandmother and poster child for poor decisions (huffingtonpost.com)
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Nicole Kidman will semi-erotically pee on Zac Efron in actual scene from actual movie that is real (gawker.com)
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Kids confusing detergent packs for candy ending up sick even quicker, yet have the whitest whites and the brightest colors (msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Legoland Florida sets Guinness world record for Dumbest Stunt Performed at a Theme Park Modeled After a Toy (baynews9.com)
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Man's best friends best friend (youtube.com)
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Seattle Times gives a shout out to Fark for this gem about Michael Vick: "Couple now registered at Macy's, Bloomingdales, PetSmart" (Mid-way down) (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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Not really news: Woman kicked off plane. Fark: For wearing a T-shirt that said, "If I wanted the government in my womb, I'd f--k a senator" (w/video) (huffingtonpost.com)
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We haven't heard much from Matthew Fox since "Lost" ended. Let's check in and see how he's.....SWEET MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN ABOVE, KILL IT WITH FIRE (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)
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Mortician finds gunshot wound to the chest of a man that had been ruled to have died of natural causes by police and EMS. To be fair, it happened in Detroit so they might have been confused (freep.com)
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Left babysitting 4-year-old while her mom, friend go to gym? Just tie her up in kitchen chair and go on playing video games. Problem solved (mysuncoast.com)
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Scientists pinpoint exact date of Christ's death. Resurrection still up for debate (msnbc.msn.com)
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Seriously, who doesn't like bears falling from trees? (news.yahoo.com)
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The militant wing of the Salvation Army strikes again (azcentral.com)
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Bizarre legal case involving a mysterious billionaire could force 1 million Quebecois to be married, against their will. Quebecois? (slate.com)
|
Thu May 24, 2012
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Sorry about the five years you spent in prison because I falsely accused you of rape. Wanna be friends on Facebook? (huffingtonpost.com)
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Woman fined for damaging telemarketer's hearing after blowing whistle into phone. Whatever the fine was, put me down for two (thelocal.de)
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Hottest new game show around: School Food or Prison Food? Warning: may induce nausea and vomiting (cityrag.com)
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Caucasians near the border with Georgia are threatening to make a fuss over what happened 150 years ago. No, that other thing (thedailybeast.com)
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Old and busted: Low-carb junk food. New hotness: Gluten free junk food (abcnews.go.com)
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What's worse than proposing on live TV in front of millions? Being a big enough douche to advertise the jeweler during your proposal. "And, with the help of David Webb Jewelry, I have a way to make this fun last forever" (music.yahoo.com)
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A word to the wise: Burning down Home Depot won't save your friend's hardware store (seattlepi.com)
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Flaming iceholes on Mars (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Liverpool FC suddenly uninterested in hiring free agent coach Andre Villas-Boas, claim they can't be certain a messy midseason player revolt will make them champions (guardian.co.uk)
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The Pacers and the Heat face off tonight (8pm, ESPN) as NBA fans wonder if a basketball game will break out in the middle of the boxing match (nba.com)
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Teen cancels order at taco stand. Naturally, someone tries to run him over (caller.com)
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Photoshop theme: Books for geniuses (the opposite of the For Dummies series) (fark.com)
|
| (Some Doc) |
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Christopher Eccleston on his decision to E-VAC-U-ATE the role of Doctor Who (digitalspy.co.uk)
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Vintage ventriloquism portraits.. pleasant dreams (io9.com)
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R.O.U.S.s do exist, and they're ravaging Gough island (io9.com)
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Woman who received brain injuries from "Transformers 3" gets $18.5 million. Now would be a good time for a class-action lawsuit (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)
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"So I hope you feel satisfied that you raised the most obvious question that is raised by every horses ass right winger that I ever bump into" (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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This could be bad news if you have triskaidekaphobia, taphephobia, thanatophobia, placophobia or, if you are reading this headline, hippopotomonstrosesquipedalio phobia (wkbw.com)
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Boy eats his mom out of house and home because he has an extreme disorder called nom.. nom.. nom (mirror.co.uk)
|
| (Twitchy) |
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Actor Alec Baldwin is just asking questions about Andrew Breitbart's death (twitchy.com)
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47 year old teen cracks unsolved math problems first posed by Isaac Newton (thelocal.de)
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Since everything else is fine with the world: Here are pets doing yoga. Relax and meditate with them (mirror.co.uk)
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It turns out the 'Men In Black' movies are actually documentaries (huffingtonpost.com)
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Darth Vader robs bank, escapes on TIEcycle (msnbc.msn.com)
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Photoshop this Central Park encounter (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
|
| (Some Hippie) |
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"Please be kind enough to let us know the number of plainclothes officers who will be infiltrating our event so we can order the appropriate catering" (politicsrespun.org)
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Brazilian airline shaves a passenger from its flight, leaves him on the landing strip (news.yahoo.com)
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| (WDTN.com) |
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School nurse rushes to crash scene, treats boo-boos (wdtn.com)
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Woman needs money. Does she a) get a job? b) take out a loan? or c) attack her double-amputee mother? (with "is she naked?" mug) (wishtv.com)
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You know those two 85-year-old women who sit at a table when you go to vote? The GOP wants to allow them to throw away your ballot (slate.com)
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Am I dreaming or did a priest just claim a missing girl buried in a mobster's tomb was a Vatican sex party slave victim? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Soccer player retires at end of match. Is replaced by a five-year-old boy ... who scores (youtube.com)
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Romney is against Obama's China policy, whatever that may be (google.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're planning to hide out in the library to burn books after hours, make sure you have an escape route so you don't have to call 9-1-1 after you light them (wiod.com)
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Hard-hitting Argentinian journalist meets hard-hitting Argentinian politician (youtube.com)
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When playing golf, you need to be aware of sand traps, water hazards, and falling airplane doors (sun-sentinel.com)
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Non-genetic study finds Germans genetically incapable of enjoying life. Here comes the hyperbole (spiegel.de)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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The school district's public information officer wants you to know that's not the vajayjay you're looking at (wsoctv.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The new future of electronics: vacuum tubes (news.sciencemag.org)
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NBA related shooting had nothing to do with the NBA (sfgate.com)
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The life and times of the rocks from Studio C (boston.com)
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| (Times Tribune) |
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Suggestions for Father's Day activities: go fishing; go watch a sporting event; sit outside and grill; get arrested together for meth distribution (thetimestribune.com)
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"Huge striper could be worth $1 million" Yeah, subby read it wrong the first time, too (theledger.com)
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Need an excuse to waste more of your time online? Paste presents the 50 best movies on Netflix Instant (pastemagazine.com)
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If you're looking for a job that pays over $76,000 a year, head to the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport, where you get paid that for chasing birds off the runway (sun-sentinel.com)
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At first libs were like YEAH: Limbaugh's ratings drop 40%. But then they were like NAW: After rising 55% thanks to the left's vigorous feeding of the World's Greatest Troll (hollywoodreporter.com)
|
| (ProBoxing-Fans) |
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Timothy Bradley plans on defeating Manny Pacquiao, twice, then Floyd Mayweather, twice, then retiring. No big deal (proboxing-fans.com)
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FOX's promo for its 1987 weekend programs reminds you in no unsubtle terms that it's the late 80s. Bonus Random Line: "I Consider FOX the Rodeo Drive of the Airwaves" (youtube.com)
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If you want a preview of what rich Americans will do while their country burns, look no further than Greece (cnbc.com)
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HP tells 27,000 workers to cache in their chips (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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The filth saved on your hard drive can spread throughout the entire PC (liveleak.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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After devastating buyers on the NASDAQ, Facebook considers buying back all shares and going private. Just kidding, they're moving to NY Stock Exchange (wiod.com)
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Just because, here's five and a half minutes of wrestlers beating up inanimate objects (youtube.com)
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Tiffany profits fall short of expectations. Debbie Gibson remains strong (marketwatch.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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A vintage look back at the long lost era of Vaudeville and burlesque performers. Midgets were exploited during the making of these photos (awesome-robo.com)
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Hey, YEAH.... Why ARE the best competitive eaters skinny? (mentalfloss.com)
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After stealing an iPhone, the best thing to do may not be to post your picture on the Facebook page of the girl you stole it from (myfoxdc.com)
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Rep. Peter King (R-NY) is concerned upcoming film about the death of bin Laden will be too pro-Obama and not give proper credit to Bush's tax cuts and Sarah Palin's bear rug (breitbart.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Old man drives wheelchair down the highway to confront other old man at trailer park over $5 owed. Other old man is naked and using a cane. They end up in a naked, wheelchair bound cane / stick fight in the front yard. Ta-Da (onlineathens.com)
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Mitt Romney speaks to a group of Hispanic businessmen and politicians. When asked about immigration, his Avoidance Subroutine kicked in (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Chris Hansen wants a new arena built in Seattle, preferably somewhere over there (blog.seattlepi.com)
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| (Womc.com) |
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Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston, Robin Gibb. Is Glee Predicting Musicians' Deaths Like A "Musical Nostradamus?" (womc.cbslocal.com)
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Stand aside King Krunk, there is another contender for the crown (dailymail.co.uk)
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What 'Three Little Pigs' tells us about America's future (upi.com)
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Couple arrested after leaving child in car while they went to the strip club. Well, it would have been inappropriate to buy him a lap dance (tampabay.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Does a bear shiat in the woods? Usually, but if he wants to use the outhouse he won't wait for his turn (winnipegfreepress.com)
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NYC public school requires students to study Arabic. English still listed as optional (nypost.com)
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Inventor of Oreo cream filling to be laid to rest between Jimi Hendrix and Sammy Davis Jr (newsfeed.time.com)
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Australian reporter to Australian politician: How do the poor secure meetings with you? Politician: Well, you know, business leaders are paying $25 grand (abc.net.au)
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The guy with a gun always gets to go ahead of everybody else at the McDonald's drive-thru (palmbeachpost.com)
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Six months in the life of a woman "caught up" in the cycle of poverty. "She took the test - and failed. But rather than study and take it again, she shrugged it off. 'I guess I am not working for a reason,' she said" (latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember friends, it could always be worse. You could drown in an enormous septic pit filled with horse manure (wbal.com)
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Russia tests new missile with previously unachievable performance as a response to USA missile defense system (english.pravda.ru)
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Project Veritas can't tell the truth (newsobserver.com)
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UEFA tells Tottenham they should have finished in third if they wanted to play for champions of Europe next year (guardian.co.uk)
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Winless team captures Canadian soccer championship (tsn.ca)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Australian mining tycoon is the new richest woman in the world, and is quite the looker too (inquisitr.com)
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The new TV spot for The Dark Knight Rises gives us a better look at Catwoman and her shenanigans. "My wife?" (youtube.com)
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When it comes to boneheaded decisions, Congress can always be expected to reach a bipartisan agreement to do the wrong thing (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (U.S. Geological Survey) |
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Tahoe's earthquake risk is quite a bit higher than we thought as the gov't finds new faults (usgs.gov)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Final proof that president's war room picture was faked (balloon-juice.com)
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| (Courthouse News) |
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Court rules that land developer wasn't required to disclose that property being bought in Orlando for building a house is next to former WW2 firing range which still has unexploded ordnance buried in it (courthousenews.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Worried about thieves stealing your pot stash? Easy solution: invest in a pair of guard-alligators (local12.com)
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Presidential candidate Romney afraid to be linked with policies of a moderate Republican, Governor Mitt Romney (politico.com)
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| (NBCPhiladelphia) |
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Mom's response to kid being locked, tossed in washing machine: these things happen (nbcphiladelphia.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Teen suspended. News: for faking suicide. Fark: in class project video on bullying (wiod.com)
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Romney campaign outlines his plan for "Day 1". 10am: Watch politely as Obama is sworn in for second term. Noon: Order early bird special at Denny's. 3pm: Watch the Ellen Show (wrcbtv.com)
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Happy 40th to ****, ****, FARK, ****, **********, ************, and **** (theatlantic.com)
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If underdog Michigan upsets Alabama, chances are good the Wolverines will play for the national title (freep.com)
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Kids, the bus is here (buffalonews.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Astronomy Picture of the Day: All the Water on Europa. Something something, attempt no land... ahhh just look at the cool pics (129.164.179.22)
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Google says government cybercrime is the greatest threat to the internet; helping governments repress their own citizens and pushing for a tiered internet greatest ideals (guardian.co.uk)
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Science Channel buys rights to air Fringe re-runs. And now you know why there's going to be a fifth season (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Happy 539th Birthday to legendary astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus. I'll bet he doesn't look a day over 500 (en.wikipedia.org)
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Colorado is actively lobbying to become a hub for suborbital space planes in a worldwide network of suborbital point-to-point travel. This actually makes a lot of sense to anyone who has ever been to the Denver airport (mnn.com)
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| (Some blog) |
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After more than 2500 minor league at-bats, Quintin Berry has his first major league hit. Degree of difficulty: bunt double (video) (blessyouboys.com)
|
| (Eurogamer) |
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America is home to many things, baseball, apple pie, Florida, but Xbox could soon be deported (eurogamer.net)
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Latest polls show Obama leading in three states that are must-win for Romney, including double digit leads among women in each state. Romney campaign immediately files for injunction against mathematics, women's right to vote (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)
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Tae Kwon Do instructor arrested for having sex with underage female students [CUT TO: unusually explicit training montage] (washingtonpost.com)
|
| (Medex) |
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Our sense of smell just gets worse as we get older. Which probably explains our ability to raise children (medicalxpress.com)
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Too lazy to give birth the old fashioned way? Well, good job, that's why your baby is fat (washingtonpost.com)
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Nicolas Cage has made one good film in his career, and that movie is Vampire's Kiss (avclub.com)
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121-megapixel animations of the Earth from a Russian weather satellite. Hey, I think I can see Sarah Palin's house (theregister.co.uk)
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Scientists now looking to find evidence of extraterrestrials by using amateur astronomers, snipe hunters (foxnews.com)
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It is not legal to get into a drunk driving accident, then to bury the driver of the other car alive. Not even in China (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Gay marriage gets a Colin cleansing (politico.com)
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Phillip Phillips winner winner (people.com)
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DC's Capital Bikeshare is a program in which bicycles are made available for shared use to muggers who do not own them (washingtonpost.com)
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A&E cancels "Dog the Bounty Hunter" after eight seasons, or 56 in human years (nydailynews.com)
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Megan Fox, now 5 months pregnant, is expecting a girl. Publicist confirms she's excited, nervous, all thumbs (celebitchy.com)
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Law grad pays off his $114,000 college loan. In cash (dailymail.co.uk)
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Former staffer for Ronald Reagan and National Review writer breaks up with the GOP because of its extreme right hate-mongers, writes about it (salon.com)
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Hey, free planet (sciencedaily.com)
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TeaParty freshmen in congress already received $600k in contributions by banks. Change you can believe in (dailykos.com)
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Lawyers for 9/11 defendants argue that a fair, impartial trial is impossible after Bush and Obama spent the last 11 years calling them "terrorists" in the national media. This is what happens when you let terrorists have lawyers (google.com)
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Roy of Siegfried and Roy is accused of mauling his male therapists like he was a tiger and the therapists were Roy (tmz.com)
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If Jennifer Lopez quits Idol, Chaka Khan says she would take her place. Chaka Khan? Chaka Khan? Chaka Khan? (courant.com)
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Iranian navy saves US freighter from pirates. No shia (news.yahoo.com)
|
| (SameSame) |
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Cate Blanchett to play lead in classic lesbian love story. In related news, bunk futures have just reached an all time high (samesame.com.au)
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Wingsuiters have figured out how to land without a parachute. We're this much closer to flying (newser.com)
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Experimental solar-powered plane begins maiden transcontinental flight (eitb.com)
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Undoubtedly the coolest picture of a pair of porn stars hanging with President Clinton that you will see all day (nydailynews.com)
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The twenty lamest-looking villains from all of Star Trek. Pretty accurate list, but it's missing the Borg and Suliban (toplessrobot.com)
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Gamestop Expo opens to the general public. Consists of used booths from other gaming conferences (engadget.com)
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Traffic congestion in U.S. metro areas has dropped 30%, easing motorist tension. Drivers now wave to each other using more than one finger (freep.com)
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NBC's memo to the cast of Community after Dan Harmon's 'departure' is leaked. They will wish it hadn't been. It, er, includes the scripted answers the cast should give to difficult questions (denofgeek.com)
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Sources say the Steinbrenners may put the Yankees up for sale. But would they be able to find someone with enough ego to buy the team? (nydailynews.com)
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Why the 90s was the best time to read Marvel comics (io9.com)
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NYPD has suspect in custody who has admitted involvement in the disappearance of Etan Patz 33 years ago (nydailynews.com)
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Photoshop this bogus bird (inapcache.boston.com)
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| (Doubtful News) |
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Doubtful News/The Skeptic thanks FARK for the chilling story about a 10 kilo chunk of ice in China (skeptic.com)
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Well I'm just shocked to learn Levi Johnston is broke and living with his mom (radaronline.com)
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Missing [✔] White [ ] Girl [✔] aaaaaand that's why the news is just now reporting that she disappeared in April (sun-sentinel.com)
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Apple's Sir Jony Ive: "What we're working on now feels like the most important and the best work we've done, which of course I can't tell you about" (abcnews.go.com)
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What a 19-year old said after peeing in the back of a police car: C) I told you I had to go, you stupid cop (dailymail.co.uk)
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Yes I built a gigantic bull sculpture next to the highway. DO I LOOK CRAZY TO YOU? (news.yahoo.com)
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Kid refuses to wear hearing aid because "Superheroes don't", so Marvel creates one for him (myfoxboston.com)
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If you are in the mood for a real-life adventure story, read about William Morgan, an American who joined the Cuban Revolution and became a military commander. This makes Kerouac's adventures look juvenile (newyorker.com)
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Want to buy an old Porsche for $50,000 that Bill Gates owned in 1988? No? Well, here it is anyway (seattlepi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Four-alarm fire on board nuclear submarine in dry-dock at Maine naval base. In other news, half-price special this weekend at Red Lobster (fosters.com)
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60s Paul McCartney versus 80s Paul McCartney: an examination of the only bad thing McCartney did, Give My Regards to Broad Street (avclub.com)
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Nut Liquor is pretty good except it sometimes feels like it's sticking to the roof of your mouth (blog.seattlepi.com)
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Gary Oldman will create Robocop in the upcoming remake (hitfix.com)
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| (Socialist Stooge) |
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German police confront Occupy protesters and....take off their helmets and escort them through town? (globalwinnipeg.com)
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What can brown do for you? Delivery driver waits in hall till woman finishes bathing to find out (utsandiego.com)
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Los Angeles prohibits plastic bags, forcing deportation of entire "Real Housewives of Orange County" cast (thedailybeast.com)
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Canadian Pacific Railway strike leads to 2,000 layoffs, impromptu hockey games (cbc.ca)
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Victoria Beckham likes to get facials from New Zealand sheep placentas (stuff.co.nz)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 368: "Sleeve-faced" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
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Not sure what is more Farking awesome: (1) High school student Tebowing on stage during his graduation (2) School withholds his diploma, orders him to clean school gym (3) Cleaning the gym was his mom's idea (myfoxdc.com)
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Wed May 23, 2012
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Triple Crown contender I'll Have Another could be Barry Bonds of horse racing, if you believe his trainer's rap sheet of wanton horse doping (nypost.com)
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Google warns users infected with DNSChanger as web outage n--****CARRIER LOST**** (networkworld.com)
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Why the unruly go to Bangor, didn't even know her (washingtonpost.com)
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James Harden of the Oklahoma City Thunder in cake form. It will haunt your dreams, stomach (bleacherreport.com)
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Iran makes five-point proposal to world powers. It's the same kind of five-point proposal that Lucy made Linus in "A Charlie Brown Christmas" (haaretz.com)
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Coolest live video feed from the Dragon capsule as it passes the ISS, You'll see at 11:30pm PDT (wired.com)
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Hip Hop Squares sets new ratings record for MTV 2. No, the other way (deadline.com)
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Excerpt from Harvard class-of-1962 reunion directory: "Occupation: prisoner. Awards: eight life sentences" (huffingtonpost.com)
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CBC announces Stanley Cup Finals audio feed for women who hate hockey, ends up offending everyone (deadspin.com)
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Buzz builds around Portman as Romney's running mate. Hey, I liked "Black Swan" as much as the next guy, but c'mon (deseretnews.com)
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Economic confidence in US hits new high until someone realizes that the chart's upside-down (gallup.com)
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CNN: Obama only lost Arkansas and Kentucky because they aren't and never have been Democrat strongholds even though nearly every election since 1900 they went Democrat including 1996 and Obama beat Hillary there in 2008 (newsbusters.org)
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NASA's "Opportunity" Rover sees its own shadow on Endeavour Crater on Mars, signalling six more weeks of a hellish Mars summer (pic) (space.com)
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| (news8000.com) |
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Walker supported by governor. Meanwhile, Carl still won't stay in the house, Daryl is still a badass, and T-Dog doesn't have a lot to say (news8000.com)
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Emu invades golf course, wants to talk about his feelings. The Sun is there, but it just doesn't care (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember the 7th-degree black belt who can take away your gun faster than you can blink? His black belt skills apparently don't include getting a loaded pistol magazine through TSA (facebook.com)
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The best porn tenderloins can be found--where else?--Iowa (desmoinesregister.com)
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Old and busted: Facebook profile timeline. New hotness: Timeline of Facebook's IPO - from investor exuberance to congressional investigations (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Researchers find that babies generally concentrate on what they can understand, and filter out information they see as too complicated. This phenomenon can be easily observed and tested by spending a short time on the Politics tab (dailymail.co.uk)
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Mitt Romney pledges 6% unemployment by the end of his term. The CBO currently projects 5.5% unemployment in 2017 (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
|
| (Doubtful News) |
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Doubtful News thanks Fark for drawing their attention to catastrophic story about Turkey's cats (doubtfulnews.com)
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Pandora raises revenue outlook. This is why we must think outside the box (cnbc.com)
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Apples that won't go brown. THE FUTURE IS *HERE* (cnews.canoe.ca)
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G.I. Joe: Retaliation pushed back to 3/2013. Apparently the other half of the battle is 'post production 3D conversion' (deadline.com)
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Alas, the vetting of Mitt Romney's Mormonism by the mainstream press has begun (nytimes.com)
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Undoubtedly the coolest picture of a 5 year old boy patting President Obama on the head that you will see all day (nytimes.com)
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Republicans target Biden over gaffes. In other news, today is a day that ends with the letter 'y' (politico.com)
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| (Architizer) |
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Korean artist constructs "Type City", a leaden miniature city made out of movable type from junked printing press. Meanwhile, in Comic Sansville, you are advised not to drink from public fontains (architizer.com)
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After Saturday hell of Great GoogaMooga, celebrity chef Eddie Huang assesses class of folks who attend food festivals: "Like a monsoon of uncontrollable soul burning diarrhea, the foodies descended upon us" (observer.com)
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Gastroenteritis outbreak linked to reusable shopping bag. If only there were some way to wash those things (io9.com)
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Jose Canseco leaves phone number for 19-year-old hostess at restaurant. That's not how you order juice, Jose (nesn.com)
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Kate Upton's new bikini collection campaign guaranteed to have legs ... etc. (w/ borderline not safe for work pics) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Underworld worm, walking cactus creature, blue tarantula, and sneezing monkey. No, they're not enemies in a trippy new video game, they're four of the animals you'll see on the new species Top 10 list (sciencedaily.com)
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| (officer.com) |
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Got a new laser pointer? Want to show it off to your friends? You might be wise to not point it at the police boat out in the harbor (officer.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Oxford University tells Yeti hunters to put up or shut up, give us some DNA so we know you're not wacko (tgdaily.com)
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Celtics hope to wrap up their series in Philly, Sixers hope to make it to Seven. 8:00pm ET, ESPN (nba.com)
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Ever wonder how construction cranes get up on top of skyscrapers? Or more importantly, how they get down? Here comes the engineering (slate.com)
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Study proves that nuclear power is safe for twenty years, every twenty years (sciencedaily.com)
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Will Martin Brodeur need a glass of Metamucil? Will John Tortorella need a sippy cup of apple juice? The answers and more in tonight's Devils at Rangers Game 5 ECF thread (8:00 PM eastern, NBCSN) (nhl-red-light.si.com)
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Canada slowly granting province-like control of natural resources to its territories (news.nationalpost.com)
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Hospice facilities now used as cost-cutter for hospitals. It still gets the same end result but just cuts out the middle man (usatoday.com)
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Greece could slip out of the Euro and we'd feel a little pressure, but it won't be painful if we do it right. Trust me (telegraph.co.uk)
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Ridiculous Tips for a Miserable Sex Life: May 2012 Cosmo's summer tips, Men's Health's sex-boosting foods, and so much more (nerve.com)
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Ferrera Pan and Farley's to merge, creating the ever-tasty LemonChucklehead (marketwatch.com)
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Duckie, Andie and Blane renew Pretty in Pink rivalry on Twitter (tampabay.com)
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In today's big fat American news, CDC publishes "new (ab)normal" portion-size infographic, featuring bloated pedestrian icons of now instead of trim pedestrian icons of the 1950s (theatlantic.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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A Columbia S.C. man finds discovers just how farking huge a rat snake can actually get (wistv.com)
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"The Big Bang Theory" actor Jim Parsons reveals that he has no interest in bazingas (blog.chron.com)
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Pinkie Pie talks about bringing down Chrome. You don't see the other ponies engaged in such shenanigans (arstechnica.com)
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Euro downgraded from "Sinbad" to "Carrot Top" (marketwatch.com)
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Who is Robert Moog? Secrets behind the Google doodle (mirror.co.uk)
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| (wcvb boston) |
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It's nice gesture when you want to help a young student remove a loose tooth. If you do help, just make sure you pull the tooth that's actually loose (wcvb.com)
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Corgi attacks a cupboard full of cleaning supplies. Explosion and fire ensues (buzzfeed.com)
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Rash of rashes breaks out at middle school (sun-sentinel.com)
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Your honor, the alleged victim wanted to be beaten to a pulp and asked for it all season. If you need more proof that he is a masochist, consider that he actually enrolled in Florida A&M in the first place (www2.tbo.com)
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When riding a motorcycle, it's always prudent to keep your mouth closed because of bugs. Unfortunately, this doesn't work with golf balls (tennessean.com)
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Hot dog slicer cuts your kid's hot dog into perfect, choke-sized pieces (cleveland.com)
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Photoshop this Indiana Jones imitator (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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UFOs are affecting ground-dwelling invertebrates in Cornwall. Nearby slugs spotted sculpting mountains from mashed potatoes (thedailystar.net)
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Remember how many people said during the GOP primary "All Obama is going to have to do to create campaign commercials is run the tape of Romney's GOP rivals attacking him on the campaign trail"? (news.yahoo.com)
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Dr. Kellogg invented Corn Flakes as an anti-masturbatory food. He also burned off clitorises, advocated sewing foreskins with silver wire, and filled his patients' asses with gallons of yogurt (hypervocal.com)
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If I'm reading this article correctly, and I believe that I am, the headline is longer than the article (independent.co.uk)
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Facebook settles lawsuit over 'sponsored stories' (sponsored link) (cnbc.com)
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'You're Dreadful' says Anderson Cooper as he kicked "Human Barbie" off his show, reducing his total audience in half (610wiod.com)
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Chrome is the top browser? Yeah, about that: Chrome cooks the books. A re-evaluation puts its usage behind Firefox. On the upside: It's still ahead of Lynx and Cello (tech.slashdot.org)
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"Potomac River tuber clung to rock overnight until rescued by anglers." Man, that potato wanted to live (herald-mail.com)
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| (OWS) |
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During the best period of economic growth in 100 years, the 1950s & 1960s, the 1% got only a 1/5 of what it gets today (niemanwatchdog.org)
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For whom the profit Tolls (cnbc.com)
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How to destroy the internet? Thought Nyan cat took care of that years ago (gizmodo.com)
|
| (Blue Bar Cage) |
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Well, Stand Up for WWE, the campaign that has absolutely NOTHING to do with Linda McMahon's run at a Senate seat, is off to a laughable start (bluebarcage.blogspot.com)
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Uncertain about naming a warship after a gay rights anti-war activist? You could try asking his ghost, at least if you're in San Francisco (seattlepi.com)
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Bill Murray Gives a Guided Tour Of Moonrise Kingdom (youtube.com)
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Someone decides to check the mathyness that the government used to show that the bailouts actually turned a profit. Turns out the government sucks at mathyness (finance.fortune.cnn.com)
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The 900 dolphins who died off the coast of Peru all perished from natural causes, according to a scientist who also says Kennedy was killed by a lone gunman, Bin Laden was the mastermind of 9/11, and we really did land on the moon (mnn.com)
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"Child Hugging Priest" told to knock it off, plans to fist kids instead (big1059.com)
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'Obama Not American' congressman's operating system crashes, repeats 'I misspoke and I apologize' like 20 times in a row (wonkette.com)
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Here's something to get the Whedonites all fired up: "Does Firefly Take Place In The Same Universe As Prometheus?" (neatorama.com)
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| (TSP) |
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"Jimmy, I think the school bus is here to pick you up" (thestarpress.com)
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There is no Plan B, only Zuul (blogs.wsj.com)
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Best. Vicar. Ever: four-minute sermons, bring-a-bottle confirmation classes, and if he was too drunk to pronounce "vicissitude" at Christmas midnight mass he'd simply pick up where he left off the next Christmas (telegraph.co.uk)
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Chipotle accused of hiring illegal Mexican immigrants and is the subject of a Federal Investigation over hiring practices. Which is kind of ironic, considering their food is the furthest you can get from real Mexican (reuters.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"La Grange police were called at about 4:45 p.m. May 11 after someone reported hearing two men at Lincoln and Sawyer avenues talking about stabbing each other. Police could not locate them" (lagrange.patch.com)
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Barclays bank customers suddenly find that their credit card numbers have thousands of followers on Twitter (thesun.co.uk)
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Massachusetts Democrats are riding the wrong painted pony (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Man ticketed for littering. Fark: Ticket was for dropping money on the ground. Bonus Fark: The money fell as he was handing it off to a wheelchair-bound homeless man (fox8.com)
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A year after the Joplin Tornado killed 160 people some are curious as to why the Missouri National Guard looted the city after the disaster but are told to go die in a tornado (stltoday.com)
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Drunk hit-and-run driver turns into sober driver after officers discover he's a retired cop (eagletribune.com)
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Alfa and Mazda unite to bring new Spyder to bear, will this be the first Italian car that actually runs? (wired.com)
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Blogger claims that Roger Ailes claims that Jon Stewart once admitted to him in a bar that he was a socialist, so that means Sarah Palin is automatically president and Stewart has to dig a hole and sit in it (breitbart.com)
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Rolling Stones said to be honored, confused to hit 10 million Facebook fans, whatever those are (big1059.com)
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Just when you thought The Beef couldn't sound any douchier, "I think I've become less corporate" (apnews.excite.com)
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Tom Brady's father does not know his son plays football (nfl.com)
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Selling your breast milk online comes with certain pitfalls, not least of which is having men buy it for "health reasons" (krem.com)
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| (Web Urbanist) |
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They say the tallest buildings of an era reflect its most cherished values and, by and large, that's also true of this pile of crap (weburbanist.com)
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5 tips for Diablo 3. Three are obvious, and two completely break the game (aggrogate.com)
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Washington's favorite Wang set to return. This is not a Bill Clinton thread (espn.go.com)
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Conservative media reports that roving gangs of black teens are flash-mobbing across the country in their insatiable search for white flesh (gawker.com)
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Upcoming Fender music IPO causes analysts to fret after seeing the latest company telecast (marketwatch.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Deep fried Girl Scout cookies? Yes, please (1035superx.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The biggest movie marketing failures. Meesa no like lollipops no more (smosh.com)
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Valiant right-wing journalist cracks the case of the so-called "situation room" photos from the bin Laden raid. "Are these Robert Gates's pants?" We may never really know (mediamatters.org)
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A three-year-old boy drove his toy motorbike to a busy downtown street in an east China city, ignorant of the danger. A local police officer spotted the kid timely and led him down the street (eitb.com)
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Janitor finds out NASA wasn't just farking around when they painted KEEP CLEAR on those launch pads (cnn.com)
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One of my employees called out hungover for the past 2 days. That literally was her excuse. Not sure if I am mad or respect her for telling the truth at least. Leaning toward respect. How would you react? (fark.com)
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| (sec.gov) |
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Some guy named Mark Zuckerberg sold 30.2 million shares of FB common stock at $37.58. These damn daytraders... I tell ya (sec.gov)
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Snooki reveals there's a tiny penis growing inside her (dailystab.com)
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Romney: My record at Bain Capital shows I can manage the economy. Obama: Okay, let's look closely at that record. Romney: Why is Obama trying to distract from the REAL issues of the election by talking about Bain Capital? (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Steve Weaver Aircraft) |
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A niche in the aviation business: flying with the newly dead. "Oh, no need to sit up, sir, we haven't landed yet" (steveweaver.com)
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2.4% of General Mills' workforce eliminated by suspected cereal killer (reuters.com)
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"SNL needs to update itself and let go of old television parodies" (theatlantic.com)
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Kanye West, Beyonce lead BET award nominations. Both are nominated for Video of the Year if not OF ALL TIME (mtv.com)
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Why does SNL refuse to make jokes about the fact that Obama was born in Kenya? (breitbart.com)
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"Mr. Singh said that he had 65 langurs urinating on prominent homes and buildings throughout Delhi." The best part is that they pay him to do it (nytimes.com)
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Why won't you libs leave the Palin family alone? They just want to fade back into the obscurity of normal life by sending out press releases about their new reality TV shows (wonkette.com)
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It's bad when people wonder why you still have your job... and wonder it in public... and you're the founder of the company. Isn't that right, Michael Dell? (marketwatch.com)
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Quadruple amputee mom reaching for another milestone. Well, sort of (wfaa.com)
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Yo Dawg, I herd you like ships (gizmodo.com)
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Remember when big plastic eggs had pantyhose in them? These are so much better (NSFW) (youtube.com)
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The GOP decides it doesn't like tea that much after all (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Ford able to get its logo back from the pawn shop after being able to make this month's rent. Status of DVD player and old Refreshments CD "Fizzy Fuzzy Big & Buzzy" still unknown (money.cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Newest household item that causes cancer? Your couch (rodale.com)
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Birtherism won't die, and the bizarre movement continues to attract the insane fringe of the GOP (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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4 Years and a Bucket of Hope: The change that never came (news.yahoo.com)
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And remember, nothing says "good job" like a firm, open-palm slap on the ass (forbes.com)
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Subby got a warning, instead of a ticket this morning. Have you ever talked your way out of a ticket before? How? What were you doing wrong? (fark.com)
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Porn actress pleads guilty to 2nd degree murder. Judging by the mugshot I'm guessing it was entrapment (tampabay.com)
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It's the 200th anniversary of the War of 1812 and the tall ships are in New York harbor for Fleet Week. No word yet if there are any on the Potomac guarding the White House (ajc.com)
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Stop condemning Bain, Bain is a good company and we like it. Says notorious right wing governor....Duval Patrick (hotair.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Welcome to sunny Florida, please enjoy our strip mall casinos, where mafia-connected thugs will cheerfully beat you to within an inch of your life and provide you with a voucher good for 10% off a paragliding adventure (wdbo.com)
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Hawaii provides Arizona with President Obama's birth records to finally put to rest the question of his citizenship. No wait, this is Arizona.. scratch that (news.yahoo.com)
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Yesterday: Colin Powell has declined to endorse Barack Obama. Today: "Come on Mitt, think" (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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The twelve most idiotic video game boycotts of all time. Remember when you were forbidden to play Mortal Kombat at the arcade? (toplessrobot.com)
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Group of high school students riding their bikes to school? That's a suspendin'. Bonus: They had a police escort, and the mayor brought donuts (mlive.com)
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Now NOTHING can stop me from making sure Fark has top-quality submissions all day long* (*Top-quality submission guarantee does not apply to this one) (businessnewsdaily.com)
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About 93 percent of Florida just breathed a sigh of relief (wptv.com)
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Orioles' Brian Roberts to begin rehabilitation assignment after spending more than a year recovering from concussion, waiting for rest of team to suck less (espn.go.com)
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ALF's creator thinks he needs to be back, and not just in Pog form (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee (Derpocrat) condemns China's one-child policy as 'violence against women'. Too bad her parents didn't have a no-child policy (blog.chron.com)
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Greek hospitals decide that mothers can't take their newborns home if they can't pay the hospital bill (bbc.co.uk)
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"It's vodka today, but it could be underwear five years from now if this isn't nipped in the bud" (news.blogs.cnn.com)
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I was in an accident but it's nothing to worry about honey - I just bumped the other guy (youtube.com)
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"Why would a president who gave America vast unemployment, soaring inflation, a moribund economy, record deficits, and a manically ill-conceived energy policy be coasting toward re-election?" (reason.com)
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Greece has a 46-hour window to GTFO of the €uro. Let's see if they take the bait (bloomberg.com)
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Albertan run over by 26 train cars, gets up, picks up beer and walks away. "Police say alcohol along with his small stature likely saved him" (cbc.ca)
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MSNBC asks the questions we all want to know: "Painting over a presidential penis, respect or vandalism?" (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Fox Sports technical problem causes regional baseball broadcasts to be commercial free, sending viewers' kidneys into utter confusion (jsonline.com)
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'Gay' penguin couple given egg of their own, all three doing fine. FINE? IT'S NOT FINE. It has TWO DADDIES. It may be FINE on the OUTSIDE, but INSIDE it's CONFUSED and EMBARRASSED. LOOK AT THE FREAK EGG. IT HAS TWO DADDIES (telegraph.co.uk)
|
| (Physics World) |
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Quantum teleportation record broken... again. This is everything all at once while being nothing at the same time as something else is other than the thing it is while being in the exact same space as another without touching. Makes sense (physicsworld.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Yankees to hand out free toothbrushes to first 1,000 fans with teeth (callofthegreenmonster.typepad.com)
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Plastic surgeon has to sue his patients to find out why they weren't satisfied, after they posted why they weren't satisfied online (wftv.com)
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Egyptians are voting today in the "first" "free" "elections" in their history - discussion thread (bbc.co.uk)
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| (MyFaceSpacedIn) |
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PROTIP: IF you are a Disney CM stealing an iPhone from a passenger on the cruise ship, best not take pictures of your fellow CMs, especially if the iPhone is loading directly to Facebook. BONUS: read the comments for added hilarity (facebook.com)
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Trickle-down effect in action as new Facebookionaires start pissing their wealth down on everybody else (foxbusiness.com)
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China's new 4D roller coaster gives you the best excuse to move there since you learnt their Walmarts sell crocodiles (shortlist.com)
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Barry Ritholz: Facebook, led by the man-child Zuck screwed this up pretty badly. They were pigs about this (finance.yahoo.com)
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Seven-year-old girl is Japan's newest pop idol, starring in music, movies, and numerous commercials. Jesus (theatlantic.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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HP Lovecraft and Nikola Tesla star in 'Paranormal Investigators' (slyoyster.com)
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Slinky on a treadmill. Best spring video ever (youtube.com)
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For the first time in the history of Idol, a finalist wimped out. The 16-year-old is too young to know about self fulfilling prophesies but she'll find out tonight. #hescoresshebombs (bittenandbound.com)
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"At least I didn't do the students," says California teacher who was fired after her X-rated porn past was discovered. Bonus: 2-minute clip from one of her films (thesmokinggun.com)
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New PSA message about condoms just about covers everything (youtube.com)
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This summer's road construction delays are brought to you by a pregnant elephant. This is not a euphemism for the fat guys anxiously waiting for the roach coach to deliver their donuts (blog.oregonlive.com)
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New TB test promises to be just like your mom (sciencedaily.com)
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| (Investor's Business Daily) |
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Why is Obama spending $20 million to promote ObamaCare, when it was supposed to get more popular once it passed? (news.investors.com)
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6 in 10 consumers have cut back on non-essential spending due to high price of gasoline. Of course, without a job or car, gasoline also becomes non-essential (marketwatch.com)
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Gold falls on weakening Euro, market uncertainty, and likelihood of a European recession. Wait, what? (cnbc.com)
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Facebook continues to faceplant as Zuckerberg, Morgan Stanley sued by shareholders. Stop hittin' yourself (money.msn.com)
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The power of the "bully pulpit" - Opposition to same-sex marriage fell to a record low after President Obama's announced support. Fabulous (upi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Conservatives are notable for their kindness and tolerance and, like Jesus, do not engage in verbal abuse of their critics, according to noted human behavioral expert Bryan Fischer (rightwingwatch.org)
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The quaint Southern tradition of parking your car on your lawn is coming under attack. No word on whether that includes cars up on cinder blocks or not (wrcbtv.com)
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Once again, never underestimate the moves of an NFL player on DWTS (deadspin.com)
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Gallup finds pro-life supporters at a record high of 50%, pro-choice at record low of 41%. Looks like more and more people really are thinking of the children (gallup.com)
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Man with ammunition too dangerous for the gun range decides to fire it off in his garage. What could possibly go wrong? (blogs.tcpalm.com)
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Russia, Japan, Europe, India and World Superpower Canada are together aiming to establish permanent bases on the Moon. NASA, um, isn't (blogs.nature.com)
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GOP National Convention cuts ties with PAC that planned on using Obama's relationship with former minister Jeramiah Wright as a campaign issue (dailycaller.com)
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Flying Toyota lands on garage in terrible car accident (english.pravda.ru)
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Realizing that maybe the economy isn't his strong point, Romney shifts focus to education. You know, that part of the federal government over half his party wants to get rid of (wrcbtv.com)
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7. 7 Billion Dollars. Ah ah ah ahhhh (independent.co.uk)
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Finally, that Star Fox / Metroid crossover you dreamed of when you were 11 may finally be reality. Do a barrel roll (ign.com)
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Verizon isn't evil because it hates you. Verizon is evil because it wants to make its shareholders some money. Is that so wrong? (forbes.com)
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JPMorgan Chase executives finally appear before Senate committee to answer for staggering losses. GOP lawmakers immediately attack the blatant irresponsibility, recklessness, and rampant unprofessionalism of ... federal regulators (washingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jeff Dunham's show in Savannah will be filmed for comedy special, contain no actual comedy (mega949.com)
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MIT engineers devise non-stick coating for insides of condiment bottles, meaning no more whacking the 57. That's not a euphemism for anything lewd (boston.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cory Booker: Mayor, superhero, part-time Hasidic Jew. Wait, what? (jewishpress.com)
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| (WSPA) |
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Old man accidentally brings a pipe bomb used for self-defense to a hospital. Now he wonders what a convicted felon is supposed to use for self-defense after all this (www2.wspa.com)
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First large waves of debris hit Alaska from last year's Japanese tsunami. If only we had some debris alert system in place for these situations (telegraph.co.uk)
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If you're an elected official, don't send porn to your HR director (tampabay.com)
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Happy Birthday John D. Rockefeller who would have been 173 today if money could buy time (en.wikipedia.org)
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Today's "ye gods, we're old" moment: Duff is 50 (en.wikipedia.org)
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United Airlines addresses traveler inequality by ending pre-boarding for families with children (travel.usatoday.com)
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The four men that beat this guy outside Dodger Stadium? They will NOT face felony charges. Only in California (espn.go.com)
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"I have a Cuban grandparent. Why does the census count me as Hispanic." Well, either way you get some great college tuition breaks (slate.com)
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If you're a Denver cop and get drunk and drive 143 MPH, you would think that you'd lose your job. Well, think again (denverpost.com)
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NYC weighs 20% taxi rate increase. Oh c'mon, that's not fare (bloomberg.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The overriding question is: As artificial intelligence advances, do humans have to remain in the loop? (govexec.com)
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Lead roles in upcoming Casey Anthony movie cast, unfortunately not into Hell (wesh.com)
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Webster's has a new photo to use for when you look up "douchebag" in the dictionary (SFW) (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Earthquake blamed for increase in cat suicides in Turkey. The sudden popularity of raccoon videos also believed to be a factor (shortlist.com)
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NFL owners look at rising salary costs, decide Pro Bowl is still a great event (deadspin.com)
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One tiny atom in my fingernail could be one little tiny universe. Could l buy some pot from you? (thedailybeast.com)
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| (Tea Party Tribune) |
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The fact that, un-vetted, "Barak Hussein Obama" was just elected the President of the United States of America and that we landed a man on the moon, sent spacecraft to the outer regions of space, etc., makes this strategy possible (teapartytribune.com)
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If I'm reading this article correctly, and I believe that I am, the Obama campaign is doing some sort of weird experimenting with advertisements that use something called "empire-ism." Hm. Guess the man is a dictator (slate.com)
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A lack of leadership in the United States the equivalent of a giant tsunami about to envelop and swamp or sink the nation. In other news, surf's up, dude (upi.com)
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Super hot Olympic hurdler can't find a boyfriend because she's a virgin..submitter too busy staring at pics to think up witty headline..PICS I said..glorious glorious pics (dailymail.co.uk)
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Ever seen a cat in stripper shoes? (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (wjhg television) |
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Embarrassed at getting caught stealing a shopping cart, our intrepid hero tries to redeem his street cred by stealing the clock off the police station wall (wjhg.com)
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I pity the fool who forgot to wish Mr. T a happy 60th birthday on Monday (huffingtonpost.com)
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Why your employees are quitting. It certainly can't be that you pay them a peon's wages (businessnewsdaily.com)
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How to recognize an honest stock broker? No sweat (uk.news.yahoo.com)
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| (La Crosse Tribune) |
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If YouIntroduce yourself on a video where YouAdmit to the crime of stealing a video camera, don't upload it to YouTube, YouWill go to jail. And the article will post the video that YouMade of YouDoing this. YouDumbass (lacrossetribune.com)
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The UK may allow In-Vitro Fertilization for same-sex couples. That's good. They may also allow IVF for older women. That's bad. The IVF comes with a free frogurt. That's good. The toppings contain potassium benzoate (seattlepi.com)
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Protip: If you're going to rob a general store in the rural south, assume the clerk has a gun hidden behind the register. Fark: General store is on Acorn Hill Road in Hobbsville (wtkr.com)
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Corey Feldman has 6 foot 300-pound woman that he met through Michael Jackson arrested for violating a restraining order...while living in his house (tmz.com)
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"Uncommitted" beat President Obama in 67 of Kentucky's 120 counties. This is good for everybody, except President Obama (theatlanticwire.com)
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| (The Reporter) |
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Johnson & Johnson recalls a sh*tload of Imodium (thereporteronline.com)
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AFL-CIO president beats a piñata with Gov. Nikki Haley's face on it. Thankfully in our post-Giffords assassination attempt era, the mainstream media is quick to report this and Democrats are distancing themselves them the union (hotair.com)
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Geek Pride Night 9pm 5/23 at Skybar in Bowling Green, OH. Farkers most definitely welcome to our party (fark.com)
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Beheading and eating your fellow Greyhound passenger is bad, but if the voice of God told you he was an alien and had to be destroyed, well, that's different (nydailynews.com)
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So, a man walks into a liquor store and says, "Hey, where can I get a nice cold one with a head?" (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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"Doctor Who Helped Find Bin Laden" (nytimes.com)
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Ex-James Bond actor is pissed the new 007 sold out and replaced the signature martini with beer. Well duh. You must be some kind of idiot to endorse Heineken without some serious kickbacks (tmz.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Challenge: Remodel and restore this rundown urban block (pics.livejournal.com)
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Ok. Best. Doodle. Ever (google.com)
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Ladies, here is a new product you never knew you needed. Vagina lightening cream (theage.com.au)
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Barack Obama's SAT scores may have been lower than George W. Bush's. Maybe. Possibly. Perhaps. Almost definitely could have been (breitbart.com)
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Caption what Jack White is writing on this dude's arm (rollingstone.com)
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| (Glossy News) |
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Glossy News notes how FARK and others picked up the never ending story about one man's fight against the internet (1st paragraph) (glossynews.com)
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You save your five-year-old from falling off a cliff, but lose your Jeep over the edge? That'll be two tickets. One of which is failure to show insurance card, which is now at the bottom of a lake (huffingtonpost.com)
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The first trailer for "The Great Gatsby", in all its Art Deco glory (youtube.com)
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All those witnesses who you've been basing your defense of George ZImmerman on? Yeah, sit down I have something to tell you (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Remember how you said Hollywood has run out of ideas? Grant Morrison and Barry Sonnenfeld are teaming up to bring you Dinosaurs Vs Aliens. Suddenly that Gilligan's Island reboot doesn't seem so bad does it? (io9.com)
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| (Some Finger Action) |
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Your mouse and keyboard could soon be worthless (uberreview.com)
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Actor Michael McKean in critical condition after being struck by car while crossing street. No word if car was doing 11 (nydailynews.com)
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Today's Hack: Turn a supersoaker into a shotgun (ktla.com)
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Marvel Comics responds to DC's decision to out a gay character by announcing a same-sex wedding will take pages in X-Men (huffingtonpost.com)
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Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett: "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing" (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
|
Tue May 22, 2012
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Stephen Colbert voted Maxim's 69th hottest woman in America. HA HA, dangly parts (gawker.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Want to know what your kid's teacher gets paid? Ask Citizens for Responsible Government. Want to know who put the salaries of 325 teachers on your windshield? Don't expect an answer from Citizens for Responsible Government (host.madison.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Americans elected Obama as president but they did not know that in reality they were giving the keys of our country to America's worst enemy (rightsidenews.info)
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I'm feeling really elitist with my $2 words and arugula right now. How do you enunciate your displeasure with the unwashed masses? (fark.com)
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Why are stay-at-home mothers more depressed? You would be too if you have to spend 24/7 with your own screaming brats (slate.com)
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| (Green Bay Press-Gazette) |
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I used to be a little girl like yourself, but then I took an arrow to the back (greenbaypressgazette.com)
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Mainstream media: LOL, Ron Paul thinks he can get enough delegates to win nomination . NPR: Actually, yes, for his son Rand in 2016 (npr.org)
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| (phys.org) |
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New study shows that sleeping around can be costly for sparrows. It pays not to be a cheap cluck (phys.org)
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Animal Planet is going to create a 2 hr. CGI special "Mermaids: The Body Found." Were mermaids as we know them real, or was it something more realistic like aquatic apes? (foxnews.com)
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Roger Clemens juror asks Brian McNamee why they should believe he injected steroids into an angry man who once threw a broken bat at Mike Piazza and whose fastball was the same speed well into his 40s as when he was a rookie (espn.go.com)
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NFL to require knee pads for players, and ESPN when they're around Tom Brady (espn.go.com)
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Woman spends over £3,000 for spinal surgery for Yoshi, her pet ferret... to give him a second chance, for the love of it (thesun.co.uk)
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Free pizza on June 5 but only if you order it in Spanish. Some people have a problem with that. "In public areas, people should be speaking English, and that includes pizza parlors" (usatoday.com)
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Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired. FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRRRRRRRRRRED (marketwatch.com)
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"Sorry, officer. I didn't want to drive drunk, but the zebra had too much wine and the parrot wasn't listening to me" (desmoinesregister.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Did you know that if Nebraska or Maine splits its votes in the right way, it is theoretically possible for the Electoral college to produce a tie? (270towin.com)
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Alien hunter and SETI scientist who inspired Jodie Foster's role in Contact retires after 35 years. And so concludes her tale. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Goodnight, and keep watching the skis, uh skies (dailymail.co.uk)
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"He was coming right at me", says 74 year old woman who shot her 17 year old grandson (dailymail.co.uk)
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Baltimore Hilton loses millions, has herpes (baltimoresun.com)
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School nurse refuses student access to his inhaler during full-blown asthma attack. School officials took it away because they had no current form signed by a parent authorizing its use (clickorlando.com)
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| (Perez Hilton) |
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Glee star Naya Rivera's pole-dancing video, "leaked." By leaked we mean: by a guest on last week's episode, just before she graduates on the show, and from Spike TV, five years ago. May be Not safe for work. Cheerio (perezhilton.com)
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Today, in the annals of careers you really should have chosen instead of the one you're doing right now: diet-book writer. A 7 figure deal was made for advice like skipping breakfast and eating broccoli (newser.com)
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In what was not at all an idiotic waste of time, the Supreme Court rules unanimously that children born from the frozen sperm of a dead man are not entitled to Social Security survivor benefits (jezebel.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wife arguing with you about a new car? That's a shootin' (10tv.com)
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One ten-year-old's vision: "Hulk no like Kardashians. Hulk bugged by Kardashians. HULK SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH KARDASHIANS" (warmingglow.uproxx.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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There's some Andrew Breitbart, and some Glenn Beck, and even some Alex Jones and Art Bell -- it's the exclusive interview with colossal douchebag George Tierney of Greenville, SC (glossynews.com)
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Will the Coyotes fight off elimination again, or will the LA Kings score a record 8th straight playoff road win and the conference crown? 9pm ET (espn.go.com)
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Morgan Stanley cut its outlook for Facebook revenues just days before Morgan Stanley took Facebook public, but only privately warned "major clients." Oops, their bad (reuters.com)
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If your bank mistakenly deposits $69,000 into your account, they're going to want it back at some point (philly.com)
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If you're allergic to pollen, don't take bee pollen supplements. You know what? If someone is this dumb I think we should just let them go (cbc.ca)
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Pacers. Heat. More roundball, more playoffs, more Chalmers. LET'S DO THIS (scores.espn.go.com)
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| (Washington City Paper) |
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You're the nation's capital. How do you dispose of personnel files? A) Retain, then dispose of securely, B) Retain indefinitely, or C) Cram an abanoned car full & set it on fire. And some dumpsters. At the fire academy (washingtoncitypaper.com)
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Research confirms what Farkers already knew: eating healthy organic food turns you into a douche and leaves you with only 26 minutes to get to the gym (newser.com)
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Old-and-busted: Hitting back-to-back homers. New hotness: Catching back-to-back homers (nydailynews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Now that Yankee Candle has launched it's "Man Candles" selection with manly scents, photoshop some other unlikely candles (wcvb.com)
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This nerd could have used his skills to save the world. Instead, he stole some Legos (betabeat.com)
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| (Nunatsiaq Online) |
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Arctic rivers add toxic mercury to the Arctic Ocean. This sounds like something that came from Hg wells (nunatsiaqonline.ca)
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Fruit truck experiences an explosion of flavor, Starbuck inconsolable as Vermont bans fracking, and Lindsay Lohan's rented bolthole: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/13 - 5/19 (fark.com)
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Caption this taxi flagger. Warning: pic is not safe for lunch (tosh.comedycentral.com)
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Big Ten Network, which debuted with promise of showing up to 60 hours per week of Big Ten-related academic programming when not televising sports, shifts course, will show 60 more hours of sports instead (google.com)
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We need Immigrants to do the jobs Americans won't. Because Americans isn't smart enough (nationaljournal.com)
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Golden State Warriors return to San Francisco in 2017, to the delight of the Bay Area's basketball fan (sfist.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You will live forever...although you'll look creepy and speak Russian (radio.woai.com)
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Pictures from the BDSM community's DomCon in Los Angeles. Click the link. CLICK IT NOW, WORM (Not safe for work) (huffingtonpost.com)
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Bill O'Reilly: "It doesn't serve the USA well to have powerful national news organizations skewing their coverage" (foxnews.com)
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Theme : Create a Fark doodle (google.com)
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Leftist candidate for Mexican congress gives voters two reasons to support her (cnn.com)
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Spell checkers have destroyed our edibility to spill (bbc.co.uk)
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Someone spent $18,000 on Queen Elizabeth's panties. Her used panties (tmz.com)
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Nearly 1 in 4 teens have diabetes, awesome lunches (610wiod.com)
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Dog longs to be a fireman. Possibly fire truck (liveleak.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Let's see how long it took Warner Bros. to create their new Dark Knight Rises poster (25.media.tumblr.com)
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Mitch Daniels really doesn't want to be Romney's VP nominee. "If I thought that call was coming, I would disconnect the phone" (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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A rare look at the blueprints for the machine that would go on to revolutionize arcade gaming (techeblog.com)
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What's better than $24k? Turning it into $48k on one hand of blackjack (tosh.comedycentral.com)
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Rightwing Outrage du Jour:"Democrat said today's political language was nauseating" (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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Waitress forgets to hit the virgin button, serves daiquiris to a pair of four-year-olds. Well, it's not like they were planning on driving home (thesmokinggun.com)
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Former Secretary of State Colin Powell on renewing his endorsement he gave Barack Obama four years ago: Yeah, about that "transformational figure" thingy (abcnews.go.com)
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Candidate promises to smoke a joint on the steps of Capitol Hill to draw attention to the, uh..., the, uh...yeah...the thing. That thing thing there that he was talking about. You know, that thing (politico.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Attorney's "DWI DUDE" vanity plate request rejected. ASS MAN seen smirking (1035superx.com)
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| (Life Site News) |
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Planned Parenthood beats off all competitors when it comes to encouraging masturbation for elementary students (lifesitenews.com)
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11 bizarre methods of time travel. A time-traveling phone booth? That's just silly (toplessrobot.com)
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The Iowa GOP officially endorsing the birther movement is probably the least crazy part of their party platform (thinkprogress.org)
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"Hello, 911? I wish to report a drunk driver. He's driving my car and looks exactly like me. I'm going to pull over now so can you have an officer come by and arrest me? Thanks" (shortlist.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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DC Comics introduces "Superman Family Adventures," starring Clark, Lois, Jimmy, Zod, Fuzzy the Krypto Mouse, and the rest of the gang (dccomics.com)
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MN teen sets state record for striking out five people in one inning, is promptly signed by the Twins and will face White Sox tonight (sports.yahoo.com)
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In a desperate attempt to stay relevant and to out-Derp the AZ Secretary of State/Romney's campaign co-chair, Sheriff Joe sends a "Threats Unit" investigator to Hawaii. You know, just because (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Bad news: it's National Vegetarian Week in the UK. Good news: the world's meatiest sandwich has become a thing (shortlist.com)
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Ancient 'cursing stone' found in Scotland associated with early Christianity and golf (upi.com)
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US Airways jetliner en route from Paris to Charlotte, North Carolina, has been diverted to Bangor, Maine due to a suspicious passenger. Passenger was suspicious because he said US Airways had good customer service (news.blogs.cnn.com)
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Another pundit stiffens his spine and finally admits that Republicans are the reason Washington is broken (cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today is World Goth Day. Be sure to not wish any of them a 'Happy' day. Perhaps a 'Have a melancholy, bittersweet day full of tears and poetry' Day (huffingtonpost.co.uk)
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Turns out the easiest way to piss off the Pope is to examine the Vatican's tax-haven bank and its investment practices. Who knew? (huffingtonpost.com)
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Lesson number one for POM pomegranate juice company. Never ever sue Minute Maid (news.yahoo.com)
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If your couch is dirty and smells of urine, do you A: Clean it? B: Throw it out? or C: Set it on fire while it's still in your apartment? (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)
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Government sets minimum noise standards for hybrid and electric cars based on testing scale from 0 to Ford (news.cnet.com)
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| (Some Cheese Head) |
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Wisconsin has a Deer Czar, and he firmly believes that State and National Parks are a commie plot. Like to hunt on public land? "Sucks to be you" (lodivalleynews.com)
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Even the empty seats look bored at Oakland Coliseum (ocregister.com)
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"Sex is a beautiful and magical thing," says Miley Cyrus. "Not that I've ever had sex," she continued with a sidelong glance at her father, seen here polishing his favorite shotgun (huffingtonpost.com)
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The claim that women make 81 cents to the dollar than men earn doing the same job? It's apparently not only bogus, but also crude and misleading. Like most men (forbes.com)
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Howard Stern makes a little boy cry. This is what Parents' Television Council warned us about (eonline.com)
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Hologram to greet and guide travelers at N.Y. airports. Please state the nature of your airport query (myfoxny.com)
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Man responsible for proliferation of polka dies. Accordions everywhere mourn (chicagotribune.com)
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Ten facts about cats even cat people don't know, even when they're putting out fire (buzzfeed.com)
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GOP, "We stand with Cory Booker". Cory Booker, "If you stand with me, stand with me on marriage equality, making healthcare more accessible, making college more affordable, and women's issues." GOP-- crickets (msnbc.msn.com)
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Plane headed to Christian youth conference "Acquire the Fire" crashes, acquires fire (cnn.com)
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People on the internet are dicks. Speaking of which, what's happening, politics tab? (jalopnik.com)
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None of us knows what's really going on, so here is a fox cub with a can on its head (thesun.co.uk)
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ABC: Can't get enough of Good Morning America? Okay then, how about Good Afternoon America? (bittenandbound.com)
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Not news: Grandma lets granddaughter test drive her car. Fark: 10-year old granddaughter hits three cars in a McDonald's parking lot (boston.com)
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Europe puts a helmet on their little soldiers (news.yahoo.com)
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Facebook to slightly redesign its "Timeline" layout. SELL MORTIMER, SELL (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Democrat's Wisconsin recall fail not only a disaster for organized labor, it could put Mitt Romney in the White House. The bratwurst is still great though (washingtonpost.com)
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The Register takes a break from murdering the English language to remind Farkers they can't do that with a headline =( (theregister.co.uk)
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It's been at least a day or two since you've read about a bullshiat trend made up by a newspaper to fill column inches, right? Pining for one? Okay, here you go: American youth don't want cars anymore, they want web mobility (washingtonpost.com)
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"Vast numbers of counterfeit Chinese electronic parts are being used in US military equipment, a key Senate committee has reported." Sleep tight, citizen (bbc.co.uk)
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One year ago today, a tornado devastated Joplin, Missouri. In commemoration, here's security camera footage from the worst hospital waiting room visit ever (youtube.com)
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Tea Party Patriots' latest IRS filing indicates that they may have filled their fundraising boat with too much money (motherjones.com)
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| (NBCConnecticut) |
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Gun range next to school sounds like a helluva idea, right? (nbcconnecticut.com)
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| (KARE 11) |
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You're not going to believe this, but people are figuring out that paying $100/month for crappy reality TV shows isn't worth it (kare11.com)
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| (argus) |
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If you plan on lifting weights after drinking, don't be surprised if EMT workers are called in to move the dumbbell (theargus.co.uk)
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| (Outside) |
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Climbing duo bags Yosemite's Triple Crown--El Capitan, Half Dome, and Mt. Watkins. And they do it free--using ropes only for safety. Oh, and they do it in less than 24 hours, including travel time between routes (outsideonline.com)
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As much as we'd all like to, you can't slap a 10-year-old so hard he gets a bloody nose and loses a tooth just because he's talking during a movie (seattlepi.com)
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The inventor of the TV remote control has passed away. His body was discovered after several weeks, buried between the couch cushions (marketwatch.com)
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Men in Black 3 isn't a disaster, but will anyone remember it after Memorial Day weekend? (hitfix.com)
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Four adults tie 15-year-old girl to tree, hit her with eggs and pour beer on her. Fark: Two of them are her legal guardians (wtkr.com)
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Michael Vick and his fiancée announce wedding date. Couple now registered at Macy's, Bloomingdales, PetSmart (dailymail.co.uk)
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Chrome may or may not have or have not overtaken or overtaken not Internet Explorer. Well, I am glad that I may or may not made that easy for you to understand (cnn.com)
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"The data indicate the country may be experiencing the jobless recovery economists warned of during the recession" Curse those recovery mongers (usatoday.com)
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United Airlines executive, who makes $3m a year, says that its frequent fliers are "over entitled" (blogs.wsj.com)
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Police remind mother that bringing your child to work should also include taking them out of the car (chicagotribune.com)
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| (NBCDFW) |
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OMG. You did not just label the special needs students 'retarded' in the yearbook (nbcdfw.com)
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College students spend about a third less time studying than they used to, which must mean college is too easy. Right, too easy. That's the same reason I didn't bring home that hottie from the bar last night, not enough challenge (washingtonpost.com)
|
| (The dailymash) |
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Being business-friendly isn't just about ignoring massive tax avoidance and asset-stripping. It also means selling the freedom of every man, woman and child in the country (thedailymash.co.uk)
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Lakers' loss averts violence in downtown LA. That's not OK (newsok.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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SCOTUS: 'Fark the eighth amendment' (theverge.com)
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Facebook falls another 8%, considers buying back all its shares and going private (marketwatch.com)
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Surgeon, apparently listening to a baseball game, uses man's stomach to keep track of a 3 strikeout inning (nydailynews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Vince McMahon figures out the reason WWE Films aren't doing so well; there just aren't enough three-foot penises on display (411mania.com)
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The New York Times endorses the return of dueling pistol. No really, that & nine other (mostly long) defunct summer Olympic competitions. It's actually a pretty good list with lots of potential for modern implementation (london2012.blogs.nytimes.com)
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Not to be outdone by Prof. Warren, Bill Aye- I mean, Barack Obama, also claims to be Native American (breitbart.com)
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"Hollywood Squares" reborn as "Hip Hop Squares." Yo, I'll take hologram Tupac in the center square (content.usatoday.com)
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Remember when GM pulled their Facebook ads because they "didn't work"? Turns out, the real reason they didn't work is because GM just sucks at online marketing (businessweek.com)
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Someone stole your iPhone? The chief will get right on that with four detectives and a task force. If you're the Berkeley police chief's son, that headline is entirely devoid of sarcasm (sfgate.com)
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Edward Norton explains why he still hasn't seen The Avengers (hitfix.com)
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"Father of the Year" candidate charged with leaving 17-month-old toddler home alone while he went to work. To his credit, he DID leave Cheerios and orange juice nearby (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)
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"Game of Thrones" videogames suck, so try spiking these mods on your walls instead (kotaku.com)
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Cops try out their anti-gang strategies on third graders (nbclosangeles.com)
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| (NBCNewYork) |
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Honey, could you please take the fetus out to the trash? (nbcnewyork.com)
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Mila Kunis, Bar Raefeli and a sharp kneed drag queen take top spots at 2012 Maxim Top 100 (omg.yahoo.com)
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Hundreds of thousands of Canadians still using dial-up. I wish there was something funny I could say about this but I'm one of them and I pray for death every day (cbc.ca)
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| (Outside the Redzone) |
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Fired Hill, Penny still left. Fired Doc, T-Mac still left. Fired Van Gundy, Howard (fill in the blank) (outsidetheredzone.com)
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Marlins RF Giancarlo Stanton goes "Operation Codename: The Natural" on Miami's HR / Pachinko machine (scores.espn.go.com)
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LeBron gets fired up by reading "The Hunger Games." Peeta, Tebow unimpressed (news.com.au)
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Snooki announces she won't take part in season six of Jersey Shore. That show has had six seasons? Really? (tmz.com)
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How Facebook could destroy the U.S. economy (marketwatch.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Politician horrified at something that is legal, safe, wants to ban it. "I mean that is just so crystal clear, there is no debate, no discussion" (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com)
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What I learned from Florida: Don't bring a machete to a gun fight with your girlfriend (wptv.com)
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Motel 6 sold for $1.9 billion. That's a lot of one-night stands (marketwatch.com)
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This is what it looks like to be strangled to death by a robot (youtube.com)
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Stop me if you've heard this one... An Emu walks into a bar (news.com.au)
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| (The Columbian) |
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Just to be clear, you probably shouldn't try to sell a language program on eBay that's called Rose-ettah Schtone (columbian.com)
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If you've spent 3 years and made 750 debug attempts while trying to write six lines of code, you're probably a bad programmer. Or maybe you've been trying to program DNA (nature.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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...and at night, the meth fairy flies through your window to spread her gift of love and joy (with fairy mugshot) (kirotv.com)
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Photoshop theme: I had the weirdest dream last night (google.com)
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The main thrust of the GOP campaign against Obama is that Romney has better ideas on how to fix the economy. So, let's check the polls and see how that is working out..oh, dear. Um...okay, so what's Plan B? (washingtonpost.com)
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| (mdj online) |
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After taking a public relations beating over their service dog policy, Popeye's decides to roll over (mdjonline.com)
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Alec Baldwin is set to tie to the knot with hottie yoga instructor who tweets about what a good kisser he is. Damn, it feels good to be a gangster (thedailybeast.com)
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What's smaller than Mark Zuckerberg? Erm, Ark Zuckerber? (shortlist.com)
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Should you bet on the big object in Angie Merkel's pants? (cnbc.com)
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You know that kooky, fringy, birther-curious Secretary of State from AZ that is trying to block Obama from the ballot? Yeah, he's one of Romney's campaign co-chairs (talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Andrew Cuomo's decision to stop fingerprinting food stamp recipients is the latest outrage in the left's War on Shame (nypost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Reds' fireball pitcher Aroldis Chapman clocked at 93mph. Unfortunately for him, this time he wasn't on the mound (wlwt.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The invading force in Red Dawn (already filmed) is changing (post-production) from Chinese troops to North Korean troops because Hollywood doesn't want to offend China (infowars.com)
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Pixar's John Lasseter: "Traditional animation is still very important" (deadline.com)
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19-year-old man uses a nerf sword to defend his mother from his brother. At work he's known as Sir Oedipus (nwfdailynews.com)
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Woo! Subette just won 500 bucks on a 1 dollar ticket. I got the numbers off a grocery receipt. Suck it naysayers (fark.com)
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If I'm reading this correctly, and I think I am, Pringles are the taint of snack food. SCIENCE (eatocracy.cnn.com)
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Mom, I'm not watching funny cat videos online. No. I'm fostering creative approaches to problem solving by allowing my mind to wander (nature.com)
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Who's an ugly-assed cheeky little monkey? Why you are, now be a good little gorilla and smile for the camera (thesun.co.uk)
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Today's FARK-ready headline: "Ohio family in 'Porkopolis' seeks return of stolen swine statue that was wearing eyeglasses" (sun-sentinel.com)
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Paul Krugman Godwins Cory Booker (krugman.blogs.nytimes.com)
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Hello, 9-1-1, what's your emergenzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (wtop.com)
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Broward County officials purge 5000 dead people from voter rolls. Chicago residents struggling to comprehend the headline (sun-sentinel.com)
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Kardashian's 7th season premiere brings in some big ass ratings (hollywoodreporter.com)
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The Pain in Spain Plainly Will Remain (bloomberg.com)
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Transgender soccer player still has great ball handling skills (huffingtonpost.com)
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Hottie fired for looking too sexy on the job... at a lingerie manufacturer... owned by Orthodox Jews (nydailynews.com)
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Fracas turns into foofaraw, and when the brouhaha turns into a kerfuffle, a hurly-burly becomes a tumult and the rumpus becomes a hoo-hah, causing a to-doo to become a melee (eagletribune.com)
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George Lucas talks Indiana Jones 5. Which is obviously crazy talk considering the fourth one never happened (comingsoon.net)
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Rolling Stone readers pick their 10 best beards in rock. There's some stupidity on the list, but anyone who tries to argue with #1 is a fool (rollingstone.com)
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Old and busted: Reaper Drones New Hotness: BlimpKites (upi.com)
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We're not saying the rednecks in Arizona are stupid, but they just used toilet paper to spell out the N-word in somebody's lawn. And the dude who lives there is white (azcentral.com)
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Good news, everybody. It's no longer necessary for you to feel like an uneducated, heathenish boor if you want to sip some red wine after Labor Day. You can drink Guinness in your shorts, too, and can stop feeling ashamed (nytimes.com)
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First video from the third season of The Walking Dead (io9.com)
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The first half of the final season of Breaking Bad will begin airing on July 15th and end sometime in September, meaning we'll have to wait an agonizing ten months for resolution (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Can't sleep, vintage Disneyland characters will eat me (io9.com)
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Mon May 21, 2012
| (Smart Money) |
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More than one third of all divorce filings in the U.K. last year contained the word "Facebook" (blogs.smartmoney.com)
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Graduating from UT Austin? Check your program. Commencement may be more interesting than you thought (news.yahoo.com)
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Want to sit next to your spouse or kid on the airplane? Pay more. Why? Because fark you, that's why (myfoxmemphis.com)
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"Christian" pastor calls for gays to be imprisoned in an electrified pen until they die. A Taliban spokesman commented: "Seriously? Don't you think that's a bit over-the-top?" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Today's Florida bank robbery brought to you by a man armed with a.....(spins wheel)....syringe (mysuncoast.com)
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Will the Lakers win after 41 Free Throws? Will OKC move on to the Western Final? It's your Official NBA Playoff Thread (nba.com)
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Ron Jeremy out as head coach for Orlando Magic. This sounds like Dwight decision to make (abcnews.go.com)
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Not News: Loner cannot get a date to the prom. News: Track coach feels sorry for him so she escorts him there. Fark: She gets canned even though no shenanigans took place (dailymail.co.uk)
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I'm not saying it was space microbes but it was space microbes (dailymail.co.uk)
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Old and busted: Silicone breast implant. New hotness: Gummy bear breast implant. Coming up next (subby hopes): Bacon breast implant (abcnews.go.com)
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NYPD officer to suspect: 'My dick will go in your mouth'. NYPD officer to reporter: 'He had a camera phone?... I can't comment. Have a blessed day.' (rawstory.com)
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School administrator suspends seniors for school pran.. wait, what? She congratulates them for coming up with a prank that was original and did no damage? In other news: Not all school administrators are robotic martinets (boston.com)
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I, George Tierney of Greenville, SC am going to sue ALL OF U unless all references to my, George Tierney of Greenville, SC's douchebaggery are removed from teh internets POST HASTE. Sincerely, George Tierney, Greenville, SC (rawstory.com)
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There may be good matches on WWE Monday Night Raw. CM Punk and Daniel Bryan may tear the house down again. Christian may make his triumphant return. But it'll all go to hell with Johnny Ace, John Cena, and a crying Giant. 9 PM on USA (bleacherreport.com)
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Photoshop this unemotional crowd (farm8.staticflickr.com)
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Dominique Strauss-Kahn faces US gang rape investigation. Hey does anyone know if the eye bleach company sells mind bleach? (telegraph.co.uk)
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Game four of the ECF tonight at 8pm Eastern. Will the Rangers go up 3-1 or will the Devils go on the road tied at 2-2? After the weekend's daytime games the karaoke drought will also be over. Good times for all pretty much assured (tsn.ca)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Will House finally kill himself? Can it be Lupus? Should the show have ended after season 5? It's the series finale of House, "Everybody Dies", at 8 PM on FOX. In the meantime, here's a list of the best episodes of the series (blog.zap2it.com)
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| (Blastr) |
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Joss Whedon picks his 10 favorite Buffy episodes. Double Lesbian Vampire Willow ftw (blastr.com)
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2.2 million dollars isn't cool. You know what's cool? 2.2 billion dollars (bloomberg.com)
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| (NBC Miami) |
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Quick fix for a soccer tournament PR nightmare: Distract from human rights abuse charges with an "oracle hog" (nbcmiami.com)
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Not news: some people climbed Everest. News: Three died on descent because of "traffic jam". Fark: Everest has traffic jams because apparently the only mountaineering experience required is Photoshop (cbc.ca)
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Military body armor is a poor fit for women because boobies (washingtonpost.com)
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"Nobody's hiring" and other lies you tell yourself to justify staying on the dole (jobs.aol.com)
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Grantland's MLB Rankings, Week 7. "You can't call it East Coast bias if AL and NL East teams are categorically better" (grantland.com)
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| (KLTV.com) |
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Fark ready headline of the day: Naked toddler left in car; mom dances in driveway. "...with a cupholder from her car stuck in her hair" (kltv.com)
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Ever so timely, Microsoft hops on the social media bandwagon (betanews.com)
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John Travolta Grope-O-Meter: 7 (celebitchy.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Person emails to Graeter's Ice Cream to let them know about a defect. "Defect": Your chocolate chips are too big. Result: Graeter's posts email to Facebook page to have almost everyone ridicule them (facebook.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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15 year old wins prize for inventing cheap urine test that identifies early stage pancreatic cancer with 90% accuracy (societyforscience.org)
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| (cfnews13.com) |
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Orlando Philharmonic to perform Legend of Zelda concert. Here's the Link (cfnews13.com)
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Man drops gun from pocket while mowing lawn, shoots self (thedenverchannel.com)
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Here are all 68 lines of Rihanna's dialogue in Battleship, not quite enough to fill a novella, ella, ella (gammasquad.uproxx.com)
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| (ABC27) |
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"So how did this vehicle crash ma'am?" "My 8 year old son was playing in it while it was in park, and it somehow got off that and crashed" (abc27.com)
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Weak weekend numbers for Battleship movie. "Hungry Hungry Hippos, The Movie" now on hold (eonline.com)
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Tennessee man fathered nine children...while locked up in state prison. That's if you believe what you read in the news (thesmokinggun.com)
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Former UGA professor and CNN executive caught on tape stuffing dog poo in neighbor's mailbox (cbsatlanta.com)
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The average wedding in the US now tops $27K, or yet another example why most people can't get out of debt and will never be able to retire (money.cnn.com)
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| (SLAM Online) |
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Bricklayer Kobe Bryant picks a Laker to blame for their playoff meltdown. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition (slamonline.com)
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On the bright side, when this Boston U. student files for bankruptcy he can wipe out his student loans, too (finance.yahoo.com)
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You do not know real fear until you realize Britney Spears is playing golf right behind you (azcentral.com)
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Female reporter pulls a Yentl, sneaks into all-male Orthodox Jewish "rally against the internet" (betabeat.com)
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Keep redlighting my submissions. I'll show them. I'll show all of them. Time to send my resume to reddit (businessnewsdaily.com)
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WaPo has decided that something a small group of Mormons did back over 150 years ago is relevant to Romney today. So when are they bringing up Obama's Grandpa Jefferson Davis (weeklystandard.com)
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Conservative donors are conservative when it comes to backing Romney (cnbc.com)
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Psychiatrist who 'proved' gays can be cured says it was all a big mistake (jezebel.com)
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For all those who felt morally opposed to the pirated version, here's the actual Anchorman 2 trailer. Insert overly repeated Ron Burgandy quote (shortlist.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Building built with 500,000 beer bottles, or the trash from roughly one fark party (lvrj.com)
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Conan O'Brien introduces new terror alert system using Nicholas Cage movies as a reference. Yes, that one is in there. That one too (youtube.com)
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"Hello 9-1-1? I just found $1800 in an ATM" Dumbass, Obvious, Stupid tag all bow down to the one true Tag (610wiod.com)
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'Existential' man ordered to serve community service at morgue. Apparently they need another grave Heidegger (seattlepi.com)
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Was this hockey coach a devil in disguise? Dainius Zubrus of NJ Devils says Ivan Pravilov didn't abuse him, but others say he was a monster (articles.philly.com)
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"Why Do We Hate LeBron James?" That has a nice ring to it... figuratively, not literally (forbes.com)
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Judge refuses to delay the trial of former Penn State football coach, Jerry Sandusky; wants to get this crap over with before football season (abcnews.go.com)
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This is why Thor should never get a driver's license (tennessean.com)
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Stunning pictures of yesterday's eclipse. Difficulty: gallery. Bonus: #4 is ridiculously beautiful (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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70 year old 'tan mom' tries to stretch her 15 minutes but it may have lost its elasticity (today.msnbc.msn.com)
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So, CAN YOU REALLY GO BLIND FROM WATCHING AN ECLIPSE? (mentalfloss.com)
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FIFA to pick anti-corruption officials. Please send your (air quotes) application to Zurich (blink blink) (espn.go.com)
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China tests its second 5th-generation stolen stealth fighter with Russian engines that looks like F-22 Raptor (english.pravda.ru)
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Bowling with the Mythbusters (youtube.com)
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Get your ass to Chicago for NATO Riot Fest 2012 (youtube.com)
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| (Chicago Tribune) |
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Sticks and stones might break bones, but the safe money is on body armor-wearing riot police and the accompanying billy clubs and fists (galleries.apps.chicagotribune.com)
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Four arrested after a beating at Dodger Stadium, this is not a repeat from last year (espn.go.com)
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Members of Congress now have the vocabulary of 10th-graders, down a grade from five years ago, and before that Daniel Patrick Moynihan kept throwing off the curve (npr.org)
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Russia pays 300-billion-dollar tribute to US budget annually (english.pravda.ru)
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| (Your Mom) |
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Parents are happier than nonparents (ucrtoday.ucr.edu)
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| (The Courier-Journal) |
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News: Shooting happens in a bad part of town. Unusual: Six people are shot, three of them fatally. Fark: One of those fatally shot was the boyfriend of a woman who wore a "No Boyfriend, No Problem" shirt to the crime scene (courier-journal.com)
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Former Daily Show producer says that he made liberals angry because he let conservatives state their opinion and look human (mediaite.com)
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Krispy Kreme continues to go stale (marketwatch.com)
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Darth Vader set to host fundraiser for C-3PO (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Meanwhile, somewhere in Kansas: "Hello, Texas, I'm Sarah Palin" (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Firedoglake) |
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The Breitbart awards for journalism, blogging and activism, brought to you by the letter dog and the number potato, with funding from the Heritage Foundation (tbogg.firedoglake.com)
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Dharum Ravi, who bullied and shamed his gay roommate into killing himself and could have received up to 10 years in prison, gets a 30-day jail sentence and community service. That'll learn him (nj.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Fukushima nuclear plant disaster is dwarfed by earthquake in North-Italy. As many as 200,000 cheeses lost, region to smell like jockstrap for years (thejakartapost.com)
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Blind runner completes marathon. (Quick, guys, time to put the treadmill away before he notices anything.) (9news.com)
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Interactive graphic lets you watch Mark Zuckerberg lose money in real time (scroll to the bottom) (visual.ly)
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| (Some Relaxed Fit Guy) |
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In another "Who thought up this study?" study, skinny jeans found to be a health risk if worn incorrectly. Surprisingly the risk wasn't throwing your back out trying to yank them up over your butt (wcpo.com)
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Despite the best efforts from people texting while driving, highway deaths are down (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)
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"Anyone chosen to screen test with Leonardo DiCaprio will have to play the scene in the nude." The smartest man in show business, ladies and gentlemen (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
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Kourtney Kardashian parks in handicapped spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
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| (Outside the Redzone) |
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Miami Marlins host future Denver Rockies (made that last part up) (outsidetheredzone.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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An all-white jury is 16% more likely to convict black defendants than a white defendant. Duke sucks (today.duke.edu)
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Ever since Gingrich and Santorum dropped out, the media consensus has been that the GOP nominating race is over. Minnesota delegates would like a word with Mr. Consensus (upi.com)
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Steve Jobs played a key role in developing the next iPhone, presumably when he wasn't recording an album with Tupac (chicagotribune.com)
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"A cupcake is a symbol for both a vagina and the female orgasm." That explains why there was a hair in my last one (jezebel.com)
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| (Some Drunk) |
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Northern KY group worried about teenagers sitting around drinking during summer vacation. Their solution, various levels of ramped up helicopter parenting. Completely missing from the list, make them get off the couch & get a job (wcpo.com)
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The twenty greatest season finales of all time (ew.com)
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| (Some athiest) |
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Having successfully forced birth control on Catholics, Obama turns to forcing smoke detectors on the Amish. Republicans cry "religious freedom" and hold Congressional hearings in 3...2 (patheos.com)
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How to make a perfect PB&J. You BASTARDS, you forgot to cut the crust. The whole thing is ruined (techeblog.com)
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Does Will Smith remember all the words to "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"? The audience sure does (youtube.com)
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ABC News, which totally isn't trolling, asks: "Should Zimmerman charges be dropped?" (abcnews.go.com)
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| (Flixist) |
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Why Jackie Chan should remake a Fred Astaire movie (flixist.com)
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| (The Blaze) |
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In today's social studies lesson, we will learn how you can get arrested for talking trash about our Dear Leader. With audio goodness (theblaze.com)
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Indian woman tells husband to change his Facebook status to married or she'll change her caste status to untouchable (huffingtonpost.com)
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Good news. If you bought Facebook stock on the first day, you've already lost money. OK, so maybe not good news for you (mercurynews.com)
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Ryan Briscoe wins the pole for the Indianapolis 500 by just nine inches using advanced Chevy engine, hood ornament from a 1957 Buick (indystar.com)
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| (Doubtful News) |
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Doubtful News/The Skeptic thanks FARK for the unbelievable story about a UFO (skeptic.com)
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"Hey, just for a laugh, let's put out toddler in the front loading washer at the laundromat. Auto lock, what the hell is an auto lock?" (youtube.com)
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Chelsea fans hit streets of London, throw celery at new kings of Europe (dailymail.co.uk)
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It is finally legal to take pictures on the subway in Boston, and police want to see them (bostonherald.com)
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Babe Ruth's 1920 jersey sells for 44 times what he went for in 1919 (espn.go.com)
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Duncan and the Spurs finish off the Clippers. Holy crap...am I the only one that thought Tim Duncan retired? (nbcsports.msnbc.com)
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Thanks to Stephen Colbert, there are now hundreds of college kids with their own SuperPACs, advocating things like Time Travel Research, cat photos, and, of course, Zoidberg (money.cnn.com)
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The history of the US electric grid (boingboing.net)
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The good news is that Boehner thinks that JPMorgan will be held accountable by the invisible hand (videocafe.crooksandliars.com)
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| (TNW) |
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Hi, I'm Google Chrome, the web's most-used browser (thenextweb.com)
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Over 40,000 ultra-orthodox Jews rally at Citi Field to discuss the dangers of the internet. Event still brings in better looking women than the average Mets game (nytimes.com)
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Dale Sveum says he may "shakeup" the Cubs lineup after several disappointing weeks. It hasn't worked for the past 104 years, but keep trying (suntimes.com)
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'The questions is not if, but when did the Saints fall out of love with Drew Brees?' (espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The elephant is drinking water from the river Denial (carrollcountytimes.com)
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Good news: Scarlett Johansson joins Hitchcock hall of fame. Bad news: She bucks the trend by wearing underwear on-set (stylist.co.uk)
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Even Mitt Romney's mighty super PAC has fallen on hard economic times. Well, relatively speaking (politico.com)
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Happy birthday, Animated GIFs. This thread is useless without you (kotaku.com)
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| (WBUR) |
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Poor girls are more likely to get pregnant if there are rich men around (wbur.org)
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| (WCPO) |
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Concluding yet another "Who would have thought that?" study, CDC discovers that overweight teens are most at risk for future heart related problems. Next on their list, do glasses help people see better? (wcpo.com)
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...But if you must use downtown Cologne as your driving range while drunk at 6:00 a.m. and get into a confrontation with a cab driver after hitting his car with a ball, don't pull a knife on him (thelocal.de)
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Green Bay marathon halted due to heat. Kenyan runners laugh (sports.espn.go.com)
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| (Centives) |
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Researchers successfully trace the historic route of... Forrest Gump? You mean you didn't pick a real event? THIS IS WHY SCIENCE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS (centives.net)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Blue's clues. Looking for clues about Blue. Put up posters looking for looking for Blue's clues. Get called by someone with a clue about Blue. Get robbed for the reward money (actionnewsjax.com)
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Left the lights in my car on last night, killed the battery. How have you been an idiot today? (fark.com)
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For once, an article headline poses a question for which the answer is "YES" (nature.com)
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| (The Oakland Press) |
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I Kissed A Girl And I Liked It-now with added trailer park and frying pan fight (theoaklandpress.com)
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Sometimes when you're having a fight with your girlfriend, the best thing to do is to immediately remove yourself from the situation. Unless you're in a moving vehicle (azcentral.com)
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| (KKTV) |
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7th grader suspended for buying "Happy Crack." Clarification: "Happy Crack" has nothing to do with your plumber. Fark: "Happy Crack" is sugar and Kool Aid power. Happy Crack Happy Crack Happy Crack (kktv.com)
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London Olympic hurdler sets personal best time. Clean start? Okay. Prevailing wind speed? Okay. Number of hurdles placed on the track? Oops (nypost.com)
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Photoshop Bristol Zoo's Baryonyx (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com)
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Data may shed light on healthcare trends, if he can ever defeat Moriarty on the holodeck (washingtonpost.com)
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Two words that should never go together, especially from your doctor: Gonorrhea Superbug (blog.sfgate.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Final episode of iCarly is being filmed this summer, for those of you who would like to have a seat over there... in the studio audience (hlntv.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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This list of failed food products will make you long for the days when Crystal Pepsi was king, and you could have one with your Arch Deluxe in the styrofoam container (thedailymeal.com)
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At the Billboard Music Awards, Miley Cyrus wore what appears to be...some random dude's sports jacket (dailymail.co.uk)
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Alibaba grants Yahoo a $7.1 billion wish (sfgate.com)
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This week The Economist writes about hostage-taking by billionaires, or, as it's more commonly known, American football (economist.com)
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So how's your privately owned prison business doing, Carl? Really? That good? Uh, you may want to check your voice mail, Carl. Just sayin' (chicagotribune.com)
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Psst, dude: Bargain of the day. Get a fake girlfriend to raise your Facebook profile for only $5. She'll txt/email/voicemail you about what she great time she had. Show all your buddies (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)
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| (KKTV) |
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Robber sprays liquor store employees with lighter fluid, threatens to set them on fire if he doesn't get cash. Employees respond with baseball bat (kktv.com)
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The Dark Knight Rises, The Amazing Spider-Man, Prometheus: which blockbuster has given the most footage away in trailers? Turns out it's not actually Prometheus (denofgeek.com)
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Free beer on the I-95 after a semi overturns (clickorlando.com)
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The Skyfall teaser trailer is everything a teaser trailer should be but without that damn Inception noise (shortlist.com)
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Billboard awards show honors Donna Summer, but cuts off tribute for commercials. Guess it wasn't the greatest song in the world (music.yahoo.com)
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YouTube video producer (a/k/a Idiot Teen) filming Hell's Angels on the highway tries to get a close, tight shot. Instead of using camera zoom he uses his accelerator (abcnews.go.com)
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Ways to successfully obtain sex: dating sites, bars, prostitutes, Craigslist hookups. Ways to unsuccessfully obtain sex and simultaneously make the front page of Fark: get naked and blindfolded, and tie yourself to a tree (huffingtonpost.com)
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New Zealand terrified to discover that sheep are actually intergalactic aliens. I want to b-aa-aa-aa-aa-lieve (nzherald.co.nz)
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Woman shows off the first brain-controlled robotic arm. Researchers can't attach the arm to men yet until they've had time to either remove all porn from the internet or really strengthen that shoulder joint (9news.com)
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83-year old man, just prior to passing, sings Coldplay's "Fix You" to his musical troupe complete with oxygen tanks and dust. A whole lotta dust (wimp.com)
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I can always get ketchup to come right out of the bottle. What pointless superpower(s) do you have? (fark.com)
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Roy Brooks(D) vs Roy Brooks(D): Two Texas candidates with same name but different genders are running for the same office (dailymail.co.uk)
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West Staines Ghetto to be renamed West Staines-on-Thames Ghetto. Respect (guardian.co.uk)
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Everybody says they're in favor of artistic expression, but you can be sure you've got their attention when they ask you to remove the pic of the president with his penis hanging out (Not safe for work: political penis) (3news.co.nz)
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For the first time since 1999, the White Sox got to use their brooms at Wrigley Field (chicagotribune.com)
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The Gospel of Tebow apparently cannot include photos with actresses (tmz.com)
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Nobody's gonna be afraid of you in jail if your nickname is Skidmark (upi.com)
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Stephen Colbert's 'Super Fun PAC' gag is no joke when it comes to making him money (politico.com)
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Man in wheelchair tries to cross highway. He's no Frogger (wave3.com)
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Penn Jillette rips Obama over his drug policies: "He's chortling with Jimmy Fallon about lower class people" (includes profanity) (youtube.com)
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Hank Aaron still retains his passion for the game. H* th*r*, B*rry B*nds (jsonline.com)
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What could have hurt teeth with its acidity? OJ did it (upi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sacha Baron Cohen nearly killed by a group of rock-wielding "Hasidic nutcases" in Israel. At least they didn't throw him down a well (ottawacitizen.com)
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| (Decatur Daily) |
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If you are going to pass a forged check, don't forget your driver's license at the store. This important note brought to you by the letters D-U-H (decaturdaily.com)
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| (Wrangler News) |
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Jan Brewer vetoes a bill to reward community service among high school students because...oh hell, I don't even know (wranglernews.com)
|
Sun May 20, 2012
| (news4jax.com) |
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Man dies in Jekyll Island triathlon. He could run, but he couldn't Hyde (news4jax.com)
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| (Some drunk guy) |
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UFC Light Heavyweight champion Jon Jones TKO'd by suspicion of DUI charge, telephone pole (inquisitr.com)
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The Arctic stops at Taco Bell after a night of heavy drinking (bbc.co.uk)
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The Nina, The Pinta, and The Goldberg? (cnn.com)
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Plan to row across the Atlantic cancelled after crew realized their plan was to row across the farking Atlantic Ocean (cbc.ca)
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Stephen Strasburg's first career homerun helps close out the last game of the BW Parkway series (mlb.mlb.com)
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Kid Rock's "Chillin' The Most" cruise ship pretty much a floating Waffle House (latimes.com)
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Suit of meat armor offers +5 protection against vegetarians, -1 against Lady Gaga (io9.com)
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I realize that I'm going out on a limb here, but breathing smog while you're pregnant *PROBABLY* isn't good for your offspring (health.usnews.com)
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Boy spends eight hours stuck between waterfalls. He should have stuck to the rivers and the lakes that he is used to (gawker.com)
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The shot clock runs out for ex-NBA star and Olympian Bob Boozer (nba.com)
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Gingrich campaign is currently $5,000,000 in debt, and that's likely to rise after factoring in the cost of jewelry from Tiffany's, fresh souls for Callista, jowl massage, neocon tear transfusions, and daily injections of whine (nationaljournal.com)
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Sumatran orangutans delay puberty to build up strength. I think we finally found out what a Justin Bieber is (newscientist.com)
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America moves from record number of prisoners to record number of released prisoners to record number of released prisoners who can't get jobs with a criminal record (csmonitor.com)
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Just another Seattle Saturday night when a half naked woman in hot pink duct tape kicks the ba-jeebers out of the cops (komonews.com)
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Photoshop what this bridge walker is really looking at (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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Not news: Obama and Romney locked in close race, Romney ahead by only one point. Fark: In Tennessee (tennessean.com)
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It's a different kind of memory altogether (bbc.co.uk)
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Here comes the SCIENCE of yawning. Try not to yawn. (YAWWWWWWWN) (io9.com)
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Number of asteroids that pose risk to Earth is doubled. Great, and we have only one Bruce Willis (newscientist.com)
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Hidden pint-glass QR code is only visible when filled with Guinness. There *is* one major flaw in that design (boingboing.net)
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| (The Times Tribuen) |
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Is Sarah Palin's political clout misunderrated? (thenewstribune.com)
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Will Big Johnny defeat Divorced Johnny? Will CM Punk and Daniel Bryan get 30 minutes? Sure, all the other matches are terrible but this thread will be enlightened. It is your Over the Limit PPV thread (7:30 ET) (sports.yahoo.com)
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CBS greenlights a sitcom based on Groupon. And you thought the industry was running out of original ideas (uproxx.com)
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Snoring can raise cancer risk five-fold. Now might be a good time for Sleepy to say goodbye to the rest of the seven dwarfs (telegraph.co.uk)
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New York City's first million-dollar private parking space to hit the market soon. Comes with its own deed, sales contract, and maintenance fees (msnbc.msn.com)
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Let's face it. This illusion is really, really weird (wimp.com)
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| (SmartMoney) |
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Five products with overhyped health claims. Apply directly to the forehead. Five products with overhyped health claims. Apply directly to the forehead. Five products with overhyped health claims. Apply directly to the forehead (blogs.smartmoney.com)
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16-year veteran QB Jon Kitna now coaching and teaching math in Tacoma's poorest high school, which was his original career aspiration (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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Participation in Komen Race for the Cure down by as much as a third. GEE, I WONDER WHY? (freep.com)
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| (News Record) |
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Man visits elephant he helped get for zoo. I forgot that this room was dusty (news-record.com)
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Rusty Russian Roller coaster riders rock rickety ride along rough rails (liveleak.com)
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This Sixth Circuit judge knows his bourbon (abovethelaw.com)
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Town upset that their landmark is going to be destroyed in the name of progress. That landmark? A scrapyard (desmoinesregister.com)
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Black Sabbath makes triumphant live return in Birmingham. Forget Robert Downey Jr, Ozzy Osbourne is still Iron Man (nme.com)
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After the murder of two Chinese USC students, their parents are suing the college on the grounds that USC's marketing materials described the campus as being in an "urban" location rather than "crime infested" (nytimes.com)
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Remember the Sega Saturn? It is among The 5 Worst Marketing Failures in the History of Video Games (cracked.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Challenge: Recasting TV shows. LGT examples (unrealitymag.com)
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To help Japan and world see "ring" in all its glory, Panasonic team scales Mount Fuji with special equipment to broadcast event live (google.com)
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The eighth sign of the Apocalypse?: Richard Dawkins in favor of free Bibles for public schools (dailymail.co.uk)
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Deadly earthquake strikes Italian region of Bologna. If only there were some sort of sandwich metaphor to describe how flattened the buildings are (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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As they are faced with actually governing the country, a growing number of GOP freshman are realizing that basing the country's tax policy on a pledge they swore to a lobbyist based on idea he had when he was 13 is kinda insane, actually (politico.com)
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Three men caught stripping stolen car. I never understood autoerotica (ctpost.com)
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For some reason, this guy really, REALLY hates Nebraska (salon.com)
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New Afghan terror group called Mulla Dadullah Front emerges that is said to be worse than the Taliban. Expect even worse group to follow: Mulla Mulla Dadullah, Banana fana fo-fulla. Fee-fi mo-mulla (stripes.com)
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"Moreover, Wheaton had posted links to some of Cline's poetry slam work on the news and discussion site Fark.com." He's nothing if not a renaissance man. (6th paragraph from the bottom) (nytimes.com)
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Newlywed bride mad that her storybook wedding is ruined by Chicago OWS protestors. She is the 1% who didn't check the calendar for the NATO summit (dailymail.co.uk)
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Will Lance Stephenson continue his run as the NBA's heimlich expert? Sir James continues his role as the understudy to the flopping fish in that Faith No More video. Pacers vs Heat, 3:30pm. Hockey? Soccer? Don't care (nba.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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So it seems that treating your precious snow-flake as a uniquely talented creative successful wunderkind can cause a complete meltdown when they hit the real word. Who could possibly have predicted that? (pjmedia.com)
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Kevin Durant's game winner was the epitome of chill. Cool tag was never more relevant (sportsgrid.com)
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Will the Yotes finally scurry out of the darkness to break the Kings' domination of Round 3; or, will the Kings clinch their rein over the West? It's your Sunday NHL Playoffs thread (nhl.com)
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Can Worst Chicago sweep Best Chicago? Will anyone be watching the Twins and Brewers? Can anyone explain to me how the Orioles-Nationals game is the highlight of the day? Sunday MLB Discussion Thread (scores.espn.go.com)
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First transgender beauty queen pageant contestant loses by a whisker (cnn.com)
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Commodore 64 guitar. If you think that's badass, you should see the drums made out of black-and-green monitors and dot matrix printers (neatorama.com)
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"The trouble is, of course, that almost no one can accumulate that much money - in rough terms, about 25 years of living expenses after Social Security and pensions - just by investing in safe assets" (nytimes.com)
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The happiest place on Earth ups the price of happiness for the second time in less than a year. What kind of Mickey Mouse outfit are these guys running here? (ktla.com)
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| (Ottawa Citizen) |
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One man's war with squirrels. He almost had them beat until they made a pact with the chipmunks (ottawacitizen.com)
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The Legend of Zelda, Mega Man, and Metroid reinterpreted as Japanese wood block art. WANT (comicsalliance.com)
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Wisconsin woman collects cash from relatives to bail out her son. Drug dog inspection finds same traces of cocaine found on every bill in America. Cops seize money for department eclair fund (huffingtonpost.com)
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"Subby," you scream through the Oreo and Dorito crumbs caked over your mouth. "Slideshows are Satan's web pages." Oh well, enjoy the slideshow of millennial failure anyway (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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GM decides that advertising at the largest single sporting event with the largest TV audience of the year still won't help (bloomberg.com)
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The 45-year-old virgin (neatorama.com)
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Watch with amusement as South Florida lawmakers furiously deny the porn mecca their swampy hellhole has become (sun-sentinel.com)
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Remember that federal aid the GOP tried to block for Joplin? Good thing they failed, because it seems to have helped. A lot (usatoday.com)
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Listen doctor, we didn't mind you electrocuting those troublesome mental patients' brains for all those years, but now that you're writing about it and publishing, we're gonna have to put a stop to it. KTHXZAP (statesman.com)
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Catholic bishops take on the Girl Scouts. Bingo v Thin Mints is not even a fair fight (huffingtonpost.com)
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The Avengers reigns supreme for the third week in a row, while What to Expect When You're Expecting, Battleship, and the Dictator all bomb (deadline.com)
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Yo dawg, we heard you like Google, so Google put more Google+ features into Gmail, so you can Google Google while you Google Google while you Google Google Google Google (digitaltrends.com)
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| (Land Line) |
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Delaware House advances bill prohibiting left lane blocking after amending it to allow blocking the left lane (landlinemag.com)
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Hey, are you going to eat that? (philly.com)
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Middle school teacher writes on his Facebook page that homosexuality is tantamount to murder. What, he shouldn't have said that? (huffingtonpost.com)
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Fifth Denver Ukulele Festival draws 1,200 players and Don Ho. "For some reason people don't feel as intimidated with this instrument" (denverpost.com)
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Chihuahua para bailar la bamba (wimp.com)
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Japanese officials to small NJ town: "We'd be much obliged if you'd tear down your memorial to abused 'comfort women' of WWII." NJ town: "How about 'NO'... and btw, welcome to the Streisand Effect" (japantoday.com)
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High school softball coach given a $177 ticket by police for profanity. Lawyer advises coach to make no comment (postcrescent.com)
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DEA wants to scan all license plates on I-15 in Southern Utah, notes how they already do this in California and Texas and are considering Arizona as well. Papers, please, tovarich (sltrib.com)
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| (Some Guys have all the luck) |
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List of the top 10 most famous real or fictional penises. Yup, he's on there...him too. However, regardless of what your online dating profile says, you are not. Possibly Not safe for work (toptenz.net)
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Lockerbie bomber, Abdel Basset al-Megrahi, dies after the longest 3 months in history (news.blogs.cnn.com)
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"Barcelona FC: The Motion Picture" coming soon to a theater near you, directed by the same guy who did "United 93" and "The Bourne Ultimatum" (sports.yahoo.com)
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Vacuum cleaner sucks (youtube.com)
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Atlanta's Freddie Freeman hits a Homer (mlb.mlb.com)
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Photoshop this cheeky painter (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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Willie Nelson, tell us what you really think. Obvious tag currently sporting panda eyes, distracted by Doritos. Mmm... Doritos (guardian.co.uk)
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Diablo III IS a girl In every_single_way (youtube.com)
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Survey says vacation sex is better. Doesn't mention if that is with or without your regular partner (upi.com)
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Manny Ramirez goes 0-4 with 3 strikeouts in AAA debut, gets pulled for pinch hitter in 9th inning. Guess he really is off the junk this time (espn.go.com)
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If another country brings a knife to a conflict, bring a nuclear submarine (thesun.co.uk)
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Kristen Wiigs emotional swansong from SNL closes the curtain on an era. A spastic, loony era (usatoday.com)
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It appears that even the Brits know not to screw with the native American's burial practices (latimes.com)
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You go now. You be here four hour. But clean your plate first (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Short answer: Yes. Long answer: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES (newstimes.com)
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Democratic Underground thanks FARK for the thread about funniest protest signs ever seen (democraticunderground.com)
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Bonfire of the sensitivities (blog.chron.com)
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Here is a literary phenomenon: a Twitter-based book written in 140-character segments. Oh, who am I kidding, it's going to be a piece of shi (stylist.co.uk)
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Think Friday's IPO was bad? Zuckerberg loses 50% of his $17.5 billion stake in Facebook in one day (newsday.com)
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Troubled freighter drifts toward Great Barrier Reef. If only there was some way to coral it (news.com.au)
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More than 100 fish stolen from hatchery. THIS ISN'T A VICTIMLESS CRIME, FOR COD'S SAKE (seacoastonline.com)
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THERE'S the Tara Reid we know and love (radaronline.com)
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| (WSVN) |
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Senior Prom held at same location as porn convention, to become Career Day for some lucky couples (wsvn.com)
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The Polish supercar that's the closest thing you'll drive to the Batmobile (mirror.co.uk)
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Man severs real estate agent's arm, puts him out of commission (japantoday.com)
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Woman injured as rock smashes into bus window. This tragedy could have been avoided if she had paper (kmov.com)
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Marilyn Monroe and Jackie Kennedy had meeting over affairs. Hottest catfight EVER (starpulse.com)
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Toxic chemical found in school sneakers. Hilarity in shoes (smh.com.au)
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Masked robbers swipe $500,000 in tires. This is not going to be a good year (ocregister.com)
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Translation: At first I thought it was a UFO, but it was too close to the ground (liveleak.com)
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| (wcnc.com) |
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Jeeps are hotter than ever... LITERALLY (wcnc.com)
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William Blatty is batty over Georgetown's liberalism. Spits green pea soup while head spins (washingtonpost.com)
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| (ktvb.com) |
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I'm Tom Bodett, and we'll leave a corpse out for ya (ktvb.com)
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From priests to beasts, it's this weeks Mugshot Roundup (thesmokinggun.com)
|
Sat May 19, 2012
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"Why you don't need a firewall," a shocking exposé by the man who wrote "Why you need to give me your credit card numbers" (infoworld.com)
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Suddenly Republicans care about SuperPACs and secrecy. Funny how that works (sltrib.com)
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Fire chief angry at 'idiots' for wasting his department's time and money when they have to rescue them from roof (bostonherald.com)
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| (phys.org) |
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Computing experts unveil 'inexact' chip. It's got some features and stuff, I guess (phys.org)
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| (Some Weather Geek) |
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Ah, wasn't it a wonderful, mild winter? Yes, yes it was, says Alberto (wect.com)
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| (Washington Monthly) |
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How an angler and two government bureaucrats may have saved the Atlantic Ocean. And by "saved" they mean preventing the primary source of food for most fish in the sea from going extinct (washingtonmonthly.com)
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| (Some Juggalo) |
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Clowning is a profession in rapid decline. "We reach out constantly to try to find the younger people to come forward and to join us." ...Yes, down here, where there's cotton candy, and rides, all sorts of surprises... balloons too (dispatch.com)
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Two Northern California cities dump redlight cameras. Subby's more partial to greenlights, anyway (thenewspaper.com)
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"Apple's secret plan to kill the cash register." They're going to design one with only one button? (computerworld.com)
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School board takes courageous stand, says "it's up to teachers to decide whether students' clothes or haircuts are appropriate" (nydailynews.com)
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| (LEX18) |
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Businessman buys $200,000 worth of merchandise at closing Kmart store, donates it all to local county community services and also rents them a warehouse to keep it in (lex18.com)
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| (phys.org) |
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( o_o) [Can consumers fit in and remain unique?] (¬■_■) [BUY, CONSUME, OBEY] (phys.org)
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Two cheetah cubs have a romping good time. The Sun is there (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Fedro) |
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Can Barnett get past Cornier without pissing his pants hot. Can the "Black Fedor" break his hand against the WarMaster veteran and win the Tournament? Strikeforce Barnett Vs Cornier tonight on Showtime Extreme, 8:00 PM ET (mixedmartialarts.com)
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NASCAR All-Star racing starts at 7:00 ET on SPEED. Someone will surely explain the simple straightforward formula for getting into the race over there on the right (nascar.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The war on drugs is working: Police spend several weeks investigating drug dealer with a whole quarter ounce of marijuana (host.madison.com)
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NAACP finally comes out in favor of civil rights (thinkprogress.org)
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Sammy Hagar on Van Halen's implosion: "I'm not surprised" (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (WSVN) |
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Who wants to volunteer to teach TSA employees to not play with the pepper spray they've just confiscated? (wsvn.com)
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In 2010, the top 1% income earners gobbled up 93% of all income gains. The other 99% gobbled up an additional 80 bucks apiece (nytimes.com)
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Law enforcement concerned that some marijuana being grown in California is not being used for medicinal purposes (rockcenter.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Headline: Shrubbery Stolen, Knights Who Say 'Ni' Remain at Large. Fark: No, realli (weston-ct.patch.com)
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Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the World Expo of Beer (mlive.com)
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Two kids pitch idea of clothing with solar panels to Warren Buffet. The clothes could power electronic devices, but users would need to go to this mystical place called "outside" (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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R.I.P. Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau. Even if you've never heard of him, listen to this (youtube.com)
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Subby is honored to share a birthday with Pete Townshend, which happens to be today. Here's Eminence Front, perhaps the most quintessential song of the 1980's (youtube.com)
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| (Go Stanford) |
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Stanford swimming coach Skip Kenny retires with 7 NCAA titles, 31 Pac 10/12 titles, 1086 All American certificates, coached 72 NCAA champions and 23 Olympians that won 18 medals. Bonus: Had a 100% graduation rate (gostanford.com)
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Cop attempts to bust a clam bake in a parachute on campus while tour group looks on, documented by a crackhead. THEN it gets funny (youtube.com)
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Those pesky Democrats and their time machines. Now Elizabeth Warren has one in Mass. She is able to go ahead in time to copy from anothers book (huffingtonpost.com)
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Man steals swan eggs and scrambles them, now finds goose cooked (clickorlando.com)
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Was the Facebook IPO overhyped? Does the Pope shiat in the woods? Does a bear wear a funny hat? (cnbc.com)
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Naked man fleeing police falls through ceiling, breaks through glass door and then it gets interesti.... No, actually that's pretty much it. Ta Da (chicagotribune.com)
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Plane nearly collides with Denver street light. With helpful news graphic of flying question mark (dailymail.co.uk)
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Anthony Bourdain reveals why avalanche of hate mail from Paula Deen fans scared him so thoroughly: "Most of them couldn't spell her last name" (nypost.com)
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Ron Paul's supporters are just as confused as he is (politico.com)
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| (Some Woods) |
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Photoshop this rustic residence (bigpicture.ru)
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Obama is the first to go negative in the presidential election, says Romney top strategist who has apparently not listened to a single Romney speech this election season (news.bostonherald.com)
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The USS Iowa will make its final mission Sunday, as it departs the San Francisco Bay on its final voyage to LA to become a floating museum (contracostatimes.com)
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GOP puts gay marriage measure in defense bill. Why? Because gay marriage is entirely relevant to defense. Why? Because because, that's why (bostonherald.com)
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Smithsonian shows what astronauts ate on the May 1969 Apollo 10 mission: lobster bisque, bone-in ribeye, and twice baked potatoes. Just kidding. Cocoa, salmon salad, sugar cookie cubes, purple drink (sciencedaily.com)
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The best restaurant review you'll read all day. "Moments of cooking so cack-handed, so foul, so astoundingly grim you want to congratulate the kitchen on its incompetence" (guardian.co.uk)
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Boot shaped chicken nugget from Quikmart up for auction. Yes you read that correctly (upi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Turns out that some men love the Zooey Deschanel iPhone ad. You know the one where she's too lazy to open a can of soup, clean her pigsty (cultofmac.com)
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It's your 2012 Preakness discussion thread. Can the Bodemeister run away from the field? Can you run away from your wife when she realizes you lost $500 and are fall-down drunk? Make your picks (nbcsports.msnbc.com)
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NASA's Google Map shows where tomorrow night's annular eclipse can be seen from Earth. Sorry, states not named California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, New Mexico, and Texas (pcworld.com)
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FARK: Target fires "well-liked" employee after 16 years. TotalFark: For leaving late to take her meal breaks. UltraFark: 3 times in 18 months. Law$uitFark: She has a disability that makes it difficult for her to keep track of time (sacbee.com)
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Missouri legislature's final day: Passed-no Jayhawk license plates, Failed-jumping jacks as the state exercise (stltoday.com)
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Busy Staples Center in Los Angeles the site of both of today's playoff games with Clippers/Spurs game 3 and Lakers/Thunder game 4. LA Sportsageddon Saturday tips off at 3:30 EDT (espn.go.com)
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It is just not true that Loretta Lynn was a Kentucky Hillbilly that got married at age 13. New research shows that she was 15. FARK needs a Redneck tag (katu.com)
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When hanging out with Elmo, most people wouldn't bring up necrophilia. Ricky Gervais is not most people (boingboing.net)
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| (WMGM TV 40) |
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Top-notch reporting, fact-checking and proofreading in NJ news: "Van Halens own 'Sammy Hager' donates $10,000 to Atlantic City Parrish" (nbc40.net)
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Russian 'Skywalkers' scale 1000-foot bridge without safety equipment for fun (youtube.com)
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Are you ready for some futbol???? Chelsea vs. Bayern Munich, Champion's League final. 2:45 PM on Fox (youtube.com)
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Australian golfer shoots lowest round of golf ever recorded with 12 birdies, two eagles. FARK: His partner shoots a 69 and loses by 14 strokes (deadspin.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not to be done by New Jersey, upstate New Yorkers find their tap water is now horribly saline. Tap water trifecta, anyone? (wcax.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scott Walker: We started making up job numbers, so lets branch out and try making up credit card numbers for donations (addictinginfo.org)
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Apple traditionally names its OS platforms after cats: Mountain Lion is the current version, then Lion, Snow Leopard, Leopard, Tiger, Panther, Jaguar, Puma, and Cheetah. How many other cat species are left? (latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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SWAT team arrests Chicago protesters for the heinous crime of...making beer. Glad we're safe from THAT particular scourge (chicago.cbslocal.com)
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Amendment to a defense authorization bill seeks to overturn a longstanding ban on the US government using propaganda on its own people. In sports, President Obama has won Wimbledon for a 6th time (buzzfeed.com)
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Mount Saint Ozzie Guillen sets off a vicious MLB / NBA war between coaches and players, threatens to "kick Dwyane Wade's ass" for Wade disrespecting Heat coach Eric Spoelstra (espn.go.com)
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RAF pilot lands helicopter on beach... to pick up ice cream. What flavor did Prince Harry prefer? (thesun.co.uk)
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The 27 most shocking TV deaths. Spoilers for last week's season finale of Grey's Anatomy, but it's not as if anyone watches that stupid show anyway (ew.com)
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Car with the most perfectly balanced tires you'll see today (liveleak.com)
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If you see only one picture of Shaq posing with a Madagascarian mouse lemur today, let it be this one (blogs.scientificamerican.com)
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"Captain, we're going to take a look in your pilot's case." "OK, let's see. Nav charts, gun, log book." "How long have you been flying with the gun?" "Oh, at least two days" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Arizona Senate candidate: Special Forces medic, wounded in Vietnam? Check. Heroic former sheriff? Check. Rappelled from helicopter to save snowbound crash victims? Check. Democrat? Ooh, so close (thedailybeast.com)
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Lucky Luke: A man's implanted heart defibrillator may have saved his life in an unexpected way, by stopping a knife during an attack ack ack ack (news.yahoo.com)
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Penthouse sells for $90 million. Subby remembers when you could buy them for $5 at the 7-11 (money.cnn.com)
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Howard Stern's return to TV revives right-wing journalists' anger about him (newsbusters.org)
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With the ECF tied at 1-1, the Rangers visit the Devils to decide who's taking the lead back to NY. While it should be a great game it is however going to interrupt your afternoon. The puck drops at 1pm Eastern (nbcsports.msnbc.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Foul-mouthed characters are more likely to be rich, attractive and successful? Well, I'll be goshdarned to heck (trebuchet-magazine.com)
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Three shipwrecked fishermen survive on clams and seaweed for 10 days, by the end are a little dinghy (thedenverchannel.com)
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Famous straight actor slaps obscure gay reporter for attempted sexual overture and it's captured on camera ... our culture will still be parsing this fifty years from now (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (Doubtful News) |
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Doubtful News/The Skeptic thanks FARK for a devil of a story about a Florida evangelist (doubtfulnews.com)
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73 year old woman scales Mt. Everest. This is a repeat from 2002 when she was only 63. Showoff (news.com.au)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Third-graders raise $600 for injured Marines. That's like a billion dollars in kid-money (wwaytv3.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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That awkward moment when you realize the vehicle you reported stolen a few hours ago has been parked in the weeds in your front yard the whole time (dacula.patch.com)
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The New York Mets' best pitcher in the 14-5 loss to Toronto was their catcher (mlb.mlb.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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FDA releases little page on their web site stating that within the past ten years 1,000,000 people have been killed by drugs the FDA had previously deemed "safe" (infowars.com)
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Osaka mayor unrepentant about his crusade against tattooed city employees, says he would refuse to hire Johnny Depp or Lady Gaga (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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SEC and Big 12 champions to play in New Year's Day bowl. Big 10 still preferring to go with grossly overrated preseason rankings and nostalgia to build their reputation (ajc.com)
|
| (Doubtful News) |
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Doubtful News thanks FARK for airing the interesting story about Donna Summer and lung cancer (doubtfulnews.com)
|
| (Some Hobo) |
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Illinois requires your home address when applying for a homeless identification card. No word on the filing fee for a pan-handling permit (PDF link) (cyberdriveillinois.com)
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The 10 most depressing alternate realities from Marvel Comics (io9.com)
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According to Captain Johnson, the "Beavis and Butt-head duo" has been arrested for a series of arson fires. Captain Johnson uh, huh huh (stltoday.com)
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The most annoying cities in America (npr.org)
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| (Some woman) |
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Peanut butter cup brownies. You're welcome (noshandtell.com)
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| (Stanford University) |
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Interactive online simulation allows you to chart a route through the Roman world circa 200 AD. It's like a Google Maps for the Ancient Roman Empire. And hey, I found the brothel your mom worked at. It's marked with an enormous X (orbis.stanford.edu)
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No matter how bad things went for you last night, at least you didn't have to call 9-1-1 to report you've been locked inside a Dollar Tree store (nwfdailynews.com)
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The reason so many men these days aren't vegetarians is because Charles Bronson and John Wayne spent so much time eating bloody steaks and charred burgers while sitting around in bacon-stitched robes (mnn.com)
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High school goes on lockdown because: a) a nearby bank was robbed; b) a tiger escaped from a local zoo; or c) a food fight broke out in the cafeteria (sun-sentinel.com)
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She works hard for her money... unfortunately this reporter does not (gma.yahoo.com)
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Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan party at Hollywood home until 7am with predictable results (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (albuquerque news) |
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New Mexico governor issues drought warning, names buzzard as the new state bird (bizjournals.com)
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Batshiat Crazy, please pick up the white courtesy phone. Batshiat Crazy to the white courtesy phone, please (youtube.com)
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| (whptv) |
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Toms River, New Jersey homeowners find green tap water. Residents panic, ask city officials to do whatever they can to return it to its natural shade of brown (whptv.com)
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Chyna collapses at porn convention after succumbing to the crushing weight of her irrelevance (tmz.com)
|
| (The Blaze) |
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Chicago Occupiers decide to protest in front of Rush Limbaugh's office, miss by 1000 miles. Whoopsie (theblaze.com)
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Friends want to take you bungie jumping: Sure. Bungie jumping blindfolded: Uh, okay. Blindfolded enroute to jump site: RED FLAG (wimp.com)
|
| (press republican.com) |
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Bushytail, a baby squirrel who fell out of his nest, has been adopted - by a feline who recently gave birth to five kittens. While all animals are welcome on Caturday, this is starting to get a little weird (pressrepublican.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Are Amazon reviewers replacing professional critics? I give this article 3 stars, because they wouldn't let me give it 2.5 stars (technolog.msnbc.msn.com)
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Cookie Monster sentenced to fifteen ah-ah-ah, fifteen days in jail. Ah ah ah (palmbeachpost.com)
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"Community" as we know it, is now over. Showrunner Dan Harmon's contract not renewed, exits show (gawker.com)
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Millions of U.S. students are chronically absent from smoking too much chronic (usnews.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Police: Son, if you don't cooperate, we can't catch the guy who shot you in the buttocks (timesunion.com)
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Limbless Frenchman completes first leg of swim challenge handily (bbc.co.uk)
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SpaceX Dragon spacecraft makes history ... just not the way they intended (bbc.co.uk)
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Homeless and jobless? Florida woman lives in her car and gets a college degree (mysuncoast.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Tired of dealing with a couple drunks on your police shift and the jail is full? Drive them a mile outside of town and abandon them on the side of the road (billingsgazette.com)
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After 100 films and at least twice as many hospitalizations, Jackie Chan ends his action movie career. We bow to you, master (foxnews.com)
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Gulf oil spill was so big, it reaches Minnesota (twincities.com)
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Sometimes there is a man who wears a mask, and drinks terrifying amounts of booze. Challenge accepted (dailymail.co.uk)
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Italian actor unable to attend premiere of his highly acclaimed film at Cannes as he has to return to prison to continue serving a life sentence for double murder (jezebel.com)
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India's richest family decided to release photos of their 27-story, $1 billion home because "there have been exaggerated reports in the media about it" (upi.com)
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Adam Savage's quest to build the best replica Zorg gun from The Fifth Element. NERDS (youtube.com)
|
Fri May 18, 2012
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Woman claims bungee facelift invention took 10 years off her face -- but c'mon, that's quite a stretch (wxyz.com)
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Eight teen girls, all with the same last name, pull off a yearbook Nguyễn (shine.yahoo.com)
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Brooke Hogan signs deal with TNA Wrestling. I have a hunch she's gonna take it on the chin, brother (dailystab.com)
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New Jersey man jailed after bank teller accidentally gives him an extra $2,700 and he decides to fuggedaboutit (nj.com)
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R.I.P Skinny Jonah Hill. Welcome back normal Jonah Hill (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
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Police do everything they can to help intoxicated teen dry up, including putting him through a clothes dryer (abc4.com)
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Forty-five-year-old woman eats rocks: "Mmm-hmm, yeah. They crunch on my teeth" (w/pics) (dailymail.co.uk)
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It is possible to turn shiatty beer into great beer? Here's a better idea: Drink five and why are we even having this conversation? (gizmodo.com)
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There appears to be a market for fetuses and dead babies, fetuses that have been roasted and covered in gold leaf bring in a bit more cash due to the 'good luck' factor (news.yahoo.com)
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Will somebody PLEASE tell Wayne Newton to stop with the facelifts already (newser.com)
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Avengers sets all time speed record, earing $400 million in 14 days, becomes the 6th highest-grossing film of all time (deadline.com)
|
| (Twitchy) |
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Joe Rogan isn't saying he's a birther, it's just that he's "starting to believe that Obama wasn't born in America" (twitchy.com)
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In what can only be a sign of lessening tensions, it looks like Tehran might be getting an IKEA (nytimes.com)
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Friday night fight thread. Bellator 69. Place your bets on how many replays the first kick to the balls gets. Groin striking begins at 7 ET (spike.com)
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Photoshop this color change (spiegel.de)
|
| (News-Leader) |
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Today's "naked woman leads police on multi-city car chase" story brought to you by the great state of Ohio and the letters W-T-F (the-news-leader.com)
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Obamunists, Paulterians, Mittenfreaks, and maybe even Johnsoners can all agree on something: arresting a WWII veteran for "electioneering" from wearing an Obama t-shirt in a room next to a poll is pretty farked up (wfaa.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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If you grunt so loud on the toilet that your neighbours call the police, it may be time to increase the fiber in your diet (timescolonist.com)
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Sixers look to even up with the C's while the Lakers struggle to remain relevant in your continuing 2nd round NBA Playoffs discussion (games at 8 and 10:30 ET) (nba.com)
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Woman who returned adopted child to Russia slapped with restocking fees (cbsnews.com)
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Google: "Our motto might say don't *be* evil, but it says nothing about purchasing it" (secure.marketwatch.com)
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Having relationship problems? GWAR would like to help (youtube.com)
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Ryan Reynolds in the lead for Highlander remake. Just cut my head off now (variety.com)
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Karen Gillan wants to put a Doctor Who spoof in your Doctor Who spoof (youtube.com)
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"It's about battleships, and is based on the board game Battleship, and is about a lot of ships that ... battle" (slate.com)
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Don't you hate it when you're out having a few drinks with people you know and you end up standing on a table without your pants, cursing at people? Tends to ruin your sister's wedding, you know? (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (The Blemish) |
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Michael Caine was not, I repeat, NOT trapped in an attic. More details as this story unfolds (theblemish.com)
|
| (Art Info) |
|
Art Info thanks FARK for the tip of humorous suggestions for new "Star Trek" television spinoffs. (#5) (artinfo.com)
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Arizona Sec of State to Hawaii "Can you prove Obama was really born in your state?" Hawaii "Can you prove you are really Secretary of State?" (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Photoshop this giver (i.imgur.com)
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Now the EPL is over, here are some hot Russian woman playing soccer in lingerie, in the mud. To Russian pop music. (Not safe for work) (youtube.com)
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Al Gore has a new girlfriend. (No, he didn't invent her) (washingtonpost.com)
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The nearest star to Earth that can go supernova is a binary with a white dwarf. Why so Sirius? (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Clear your desks, the Fark Weird News Quiz will challenge your knowledge of what happened in the last week and simultaneously determine how busy you were at work (fark.com)
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Raul Grijalva (D-irtbag) is blocking primary challengers from receiving voter lists so they can focus their primary campaigns against him. Says challengers are not "democrat" enough (azstarnet.com)
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Some call him Newt Junior. The rest of Maryland calls him racist (abc2news.com)
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What is the funniest protest sign you have seen? "Descent is the greatest form of patriotism" is subs personal fav (fark.com)
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Gas pumps have now become self-aware, and they're robbing you too (abc2news.com)
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Drew Curtis is the most sober person I have ever met (sciencedaily.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Hey, Hey, Hey, could a "fat tax" be heading our way to cure America's obesity problem? (theindychannel.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Caron Butler's awesome dunk on Tim Duncan, followed by Tim Duncan's epic walk of shame (video) (dimemag.com)
|
| (Central Asia Online) |
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For those still laughing at Borat's walking chair joke, here are a collection of Kazakh jokes that will similarly leave you rolling in the aisles (interfax-religion.com)
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Network TV execs are very unhappy about Dish TV's new DVR that automatically skips commercials while recording-so they're refusing to run any Dish TV ads that tell you about the new service (newser.com)
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MTV cancels "I Just Want My Pants Back" presumably to make room for "Ow, My Balls" on the fall line-up (chicagotribune.com)
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Women's Professional Soccer league permanently disbands after three seasons. Fan distraught (espn.go.com)
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Actually, Virginia GOP legislator Bob Marshall, sodomy is a civil right (newser.com)
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And by "$10 billon a year in care for the disabled" we mean "$9.8 billion a year in slush funds for weasels in Albany" (nytimes.com)
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Fark Survey: Shorting Facebook stock: When and how much? (thestar.com)
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| |
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New poll claims only 9% of Americans are willing to participate in polls (slate.com)
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| (Crain's) |
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Not news: Chicago Cubs owner seeking $100 million in tax breaks. Fark: Apparently so he can spend more of his own money on a PAC attacking Obama. Dumbass: Apparently he's also forgotten what Chicago's mayor's previous job was (chicagobusiness.com)
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| |
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The new French Prime Minister is such an "ai-roh" (cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Who WOULDN'T want a nude portrait of their national leader to hang over the fireplace? (Answer: Canadians.) (huffingtonpost.ca)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
If you choose a CEO with no qualifications beyond "a guy you met kite-surfing in Malibu," the government might realize you're running a scam. Or Yahoo (sec.gov)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Liberal group fighting for transparency in political donations and "getting money out of politics", refuses to disclose its own donors list (freebeacon.com)
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| (Outside the Redzone) |
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15 years later......Interleague play opens with a rematch of the 1997 World Series (outsidetheredzone.com)
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MLB suspends Umpire Bob Davidson for "repeated violations of the Office of the Commissioner's standards for situation handling." Paying attention, CB Bucknor? (nesn.com)
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'9/11 dust' is thought to have killed Donna Summer (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Seriously, who is able to steal 110 feet of railroad tracks? (abc27.com)
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"[Zuckerberg's] net worth will jump an astounding $1 billion for every $2 jump in the stock price" (foxnews.com)
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TV news anchor accused of stealing his neighbor's patio chairs, carpet, and scotch (sun-sentinel.com)
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Amazing footage of rockslide in the Swiss Alps. Not the fun kind (liveleak.com)
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Zimmerman photos from the night of the incident detailing his injuries, and the 183 pages of court documents, for those who still care, have no life (610wiod.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ready for Fark journalism: "Police said Rachel George spat on, cursed at and kicked officers while they attempted to make her sit, and Sgt. Sean Duffy injured himself striking her in the face" (triblive.com)
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| |
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Humongous Volkswagen-sized turtle fossils discovered, not expected to be part of Michael Bay's turtle movie, we hope (csmonitor.com)
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The Wiggles replace three fourths of their aging troupe, with the new Yellow Wiggle being a 22-year-old woman (dailymail.co.uk)
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"How could [Obama] have been in his church for 20 years and not assimilated some of the things that he was talking about?" (politico.com)
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Jose Canseco not pumped up enough for last night's debut with the Worcester Tornadoes (w/video) (deadspin.com)
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| |
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If you are trying to get control of the 300 lb. gator, using a towel is not the best method to do so (news.yahoo.com)
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Missing the game winning three pointer against the Oklahoma City Thunder? That's a death threat (tracking.si.com)
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You know it's a slow news day if you read about a school board deciding that a children's book is borderline porn, with art from the book for you to decide if it is (pennlive.com)
|
| (OMGUbuntu) |
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Ubuntu was featured in a long-running Japanese kids show. Fans said they could tell it was Ubuntu because it ran great but looked butt ugly. (with video) (omgubuntu.co.uk)
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Problem: Obama's love letters show that he was a good enough writer to blunt the accusations that he didn't write his own books. Solution: Accuse him of having a ghost writer for his love letters (slate.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chuck Brown and Donna Summer - all the eulogy quotes, nearly all the iconic tunes (racialicious.com)
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| |
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Contrarian take on Facebook IPO: "You'd be better off investing in Greek government bonds". Facebook IPO discussion thread (blogs.telegraph.co.uk)
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You'd be sad, too, if you're lower body was replaced by a giant bin of Moutain Dew and your feet were just wheels. Poor Batman (comicsalliance.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
It's easy to think UFO 'summoner' Robert Bingham is a crackpot for predicting a mass sighting on Saturday in LA. Except, he's done it before. And it worked (news.gather.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
Fifty Shades of Grey as read by that famed voice actor, Gilbert Gottfried (Not safe for work language) (jest.com)
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| |
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Daily Kos diarist blasts Democrat running for congress, even though they can only cite one position for their disagreement. And yes, it is teh abortion issue (dailykos.com)
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Bring out your dead (finance.yahoo.com)
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Airport security to German politician: "Sorry sir, but you can't bring that axe on a plane" (thelocal.de)
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The Tao of John Tortorella: Yes. No. Plenty. We'll keep it in the room. Next question. It just does. We're fine. This isn't golf, this is a team sport. That's ridiculous. No. It just does (sports.nationalpost.com)
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ESPN releases memo on how to treat the 2012 election: "sarcasm, one-liners, perceived endorsements, attempts at humor or political criticism should be avoided." Sweet sassy molassy, BOO YAAA BOO YAA BOOYAA BOOOYAAAA (frontrow.espn.go.com)
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Best Korea says their technology is too advanced and powerful to have jammed the GPS of civilian aircraft (news.yahoo.com)
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Federal Judge to DOJ: You know that part of the NDA that lets you indefinitely detain anyone you think is "supporting" terrorism? Yeah, the 1st Amendment has a problem with that (businessweek.com)
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Møøse reboots Logan's Run, seeks sanctuary, but ran right into the Sandman (azcentral.com)
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Minute Maid labels beverage 'Pomegranate Blueberry' despite only having 0.3% pomegranate juice and 0.2% blueberry juice. Judge: Drink up (sfgate.com)
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Man plays porn game, is surprised and disappointed by the amount of porn in it. "I honestly began clicking through sex scenes as quickly as possible" (kotaku.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
Proof the system works- top 10 game Kickstarters that didn't make it (edge-online.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
You may find yourself in a strange burial plot, wearing a stranger's clothes. And you might say, these are not my beautiful clothes. And you may ask yourself, how did I get it here? But probably not because you are dead (losangeles.cbslocal.com)
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If you're going to say you're too injured to work, you probably shouldn't get caught running various long-distance races and triathlons. "Her race times also improved after the claimed injury" (nwfdailynews.com)
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NV state lawmaker who ran on a "family values" platform and sent out a mailing attacking her opponent's wife for wearing a dress that was too revealing is now trying to win the Maxim "Hot 100" bikini contest (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man sues company for $50,000 because he got attacked by geese. The geese could not be found for questioning (rrstar.com)
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Help me, Prudence, you're my only hope. My mom let me play with her breasts for years after I stopped breast-feeding, and now she's doing it with my sister. How do I stop it? (slate.com)
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The only thing more disgusting than these cupcake sausages is how much Subby wants to eat them (shortlist.com)
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| (Some Drunk) |
|
Apparently Robert Downey Jr. is the Jesus Christ of the Marvel Universe (collider.com)
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GOP Ministry of Truth hard at work helping Romney's primary rivals unsay their harsh criticisms of the candidate; apparently unaware of this thing called "The Internet" where people can go and look these things up (google.com)
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Really want to quit smoking? Give me your money, and I'll give it back to you once a blood test proves you're nicotine free (stuff.co.nz)
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The Baltimore Orioles are the first team in MLB to reach 25 wins. Raise your hand if you saw that coming. You don't count, Mr. Showalter (scores.espn.go.com)
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Former Cubs phenom Kerry Wood reportedly will announce his retirement from baseball Friday. Book it. Done (chicagotribune.com)
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| |
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Groupon stock price suspiciously spikes ahead of earnings report. SEC once again looking at Bud Fox (newser.com)
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It's your official Let's Pity Chicagoans Affected by the NATO summit discussion thread (chicagotribune.com)
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Female reporters and anchors at a television station go on-air without their makeup to encourage girls to embrace their inner beauty (azfamily.com)
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The four personality styles of drivers and what it means about how they handle a car. Hint: three of them translate to "asshole" (wtop.com)
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Florida evangelist "Apostle Tito" is targeted by members of "Satan's team", or as the rest of us would put it, is arraigned in federal court on child molestation charges (clickorlando.com)
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Adventures in local news reporting: "Fark you, I hope you get AIDS" with a bonus drunk, shirtless man falling out of a window behind a reporter (deadspin.com)
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Time Warner Cable employee absolutely shocked to find his co-workers watching porn. Hopes $2 million will help him get over the trauma (nypost.com)
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Radio host and easy prey Rush Limbaugh wonders when the environmentalist wackos are going to start doing something about all the pollution and environmental damage being caused by lions, tigers, and sharks (mediamatters.org)
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Six shot, three dead in Louisville. If only there had been an armed citizen nearby we could have prevented this tragedy (news.yahoo.com)
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Paul Krugman last seen with a pile of scrap gold and the complete works of John Maynard Keynes before closing the door of his fall-out shelter and saying "good luck y'all" (nytimes.com)
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Wiley coyotes are the new super geniuses (scientificamerican.com)
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By 2013 you'll be able to go to Africa and get faster cell phone service than Verizon is offering you here in the States. Kenya believe it? (af.reuters.com)
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Florida lowers passing grade for state writing exam. Mississippi: "We can do that?" (content.usatoday.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
When Republicans say Barack Obama was born in Kenya, they are called racists. When the AP reported Barack Obama as Kenyan-born in 2004, that's how you sell a story. Kind of like the political version of A Million Little Pieces (infowars.com)
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Tiny state famous for being tiny spends $75 million on a baseball player to develop a video game. Game over, man, game over (boston.com)
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Don't give up on oil yet. It has so much more overinflated value to lose (marketwatch.com)
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| (WTHR) |
|
Governor Mitch Daniels explains why it's fiscally sound for Indiana to pay millions of dollars in late fees to its vendors (wthr.com)
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Republican committee, many of whose members live hundreds of miles from DC, hold meeting to discuss DC abortion rights. Bonus: Do not allow DC's only (non-voting) representative to speak. Super bonus: She's a woman (washingtonpost.com)
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Has anyone seen my Spiro Agnew collector's edition cufflinks? They were here yesterday. They didn't just get up and walk away people. They are worth a lot of money you jerks (myfoxdc.com)
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Hell hath no yard sale like a woman scorned (dailymail.co.uk)
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Photoshop a recruitment poster for Fark (google.com)
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The Facebook IPO is set to make Bono the richest musician in the world. That, on top of being the most talented musician in the world (spinner.com)
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The EU and the ECB to take Old Yeller out behind the shed, have plans to tell kids it's in a better place now (telegraph.co.uk)
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Waterspout captured on film. Difficulty: Down town Hong Kong (liveleak.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
Exceedingly creepy man arrested for hanging plastic bags full of porn & dildos on young women's doors, then standing outside their apts and fogging up their windows with his breath. Bonus: He looks vaguely like a grown up Butt-head (newson6.com)
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Hot woman arrested for having sex in a taxi. With pic of the kind of woman who likes to do it in a taxi (dailymail.co.uk)
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Gladiator Fire now at 6500 acres. Nitro, Zap, Blaze inconsolable (azfamily.com)
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Your guide to 21 upcoming season finales (spoilers if you're not caught up) (ew.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
Man gives sucky TED talk. TED opts not to publish the talk. Man goes full media censorship outrage troll. Internet falls for it hook, line, and sinker (tedchris.posterous.com)
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Comedy Central pretty upset that lefty attempts at Twitter hashtag memes are quickly usurped by conservatives mocking them. Why it's almost as if Twitter favored short, pithy comments and silly hashtags #dishiatoutbutcanttakeitin (indecisionforever.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
The sex-tourism capital of the world protests Lady Gaga's shows as too provocative. Wait, what? (abclocal.go.com)
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Pretty much the coolest Star Wars Lego toy store display ever (youtube.com)
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32 years ago today, Mount St. Helens really lost it (wired.com)
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Senator Chuck Schumer proposes tax on individuals who renounce their U.S. citizenship to avoid taxes. BRILLIANT (sfgate.com)
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Not News: The Yankees and Red Sox are fighting for a spot in the AL East Standings. News: Last place (espn.go.com)
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Facebook trading a sign of hope for investors (marketwatch.com)
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Facebook trading a major red flag for investors (marketwatch.com)
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You might want to sit down for this, but it looks like "Battleship" just isn't really that good of a movie (usatoday.com)
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US district court judge rules against Obama administration's law that allows the suspension of civil rights and indefinite detention of citizens suspected of terrorism, because that was only okay when Bush was in office (wnd.com)
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Shaving your head may get you suspended from school, but it can get you Spurs tickets (espn.go.com)
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San Francisco fire chief declared a deadbeat and has a court ordered garnishment of her wages... wait it's a she... checks photo... wait it's a she? (sfgate.com)
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Oceans full of "dead zones" where nothing lives could only be 40 years away - and in some places that is already reality (mirror.co.uk)
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Matthew McConaughey enthusiastically endorses male stripping: "It became like a drug" (vanityfair.com)
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Norm Macdonald next televised failure to be a talk show on TBS (aintitcool.com)
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Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the quikrete. We have the capability to build the world's first living statue (thesun.co.uk)
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Grooming tips from the owner of a 14-foot-long mustache (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
Infographic of what the average American eats every year. Mmmm...29 lbs of french fries and 23 lbs of pizza...mmmm (naturalsociety.com)
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It's nice to know that even in this crazy, mixed-up world, a picture of a miniature toy horse can still bring two young lovers together (oregonlive.com)
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I like my women like I like my baseball. COVERED IN BEES (mlb.mlb.com)
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Fulton County 911 center is pro-choice. Female employees have the choice to get pregnant, or keep their jobs (ajc.com)
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Hampton Fancher in talks to write Ridley Scott's Blade Runner sequel. Who is he, you ask? Why, he's the scriptwriter of the original film (deadline.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
Desmond Hatchett of Tennessee is pleading with the state to help him pay for child support. Hatchett, 33 has fathered 30 children. "I had four kids in the same year. Twice" (thegrio.com)
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And today's tough lunch choice, real boiled pigs ear or fake boiled pigs ear? (telegraph.co.uk)
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Running a half-marathon on a treadmill aboard a hot-air balloon proved harder than expected (telegraph.co.uk)
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If you're on death row, it's kind of pointless to ask the state to pay for your expensive hip surgery (azcentral.com)
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Comcast tries sucking just a little bit more (msnbc.msn.com)
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Two Tennessee dudes take their Mickey D's very seriously (thesmokinggun.com)
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| |
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Twenty-five great ideas for a new Star Trek series (gammasquad.uproxx.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
It's not a hero, it's FARKMAN (some NSFW language & semi-NSFW animated images) (umop.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman's Center = Groundbreaking. Men's Center = "A room with a PS3 and a bunch of douche bags playing video games" (www2.macleans.ca)
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The world's largest PC maker, Hewlett-Packard may hit delete on 25,000 of its 300,000 person global workforce (telegraph.co.uk)
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Support for President Obama amongst the U.S. prison population expected to rise, as the administration ordered federal, state and local officials to adopt zero tolerance for prison rape (news.yahoo.com)
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People have a 'lie detector' in their brains that lights up when dealing with people they don't trust -- enough to power most government buildings in Washington, DC (dailymail.co.uk)
|
Thu May 17, 2012
| (WVUE) |
|
"Police search for three armed men in home invasion." STANDARD HANDCUFFS WON'T WORK, PEOPLE (fox8live.com)
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British MP is butt of jokes after seating accident with colleague. In related news: The British are easily entertained (telegraph.co.uk)
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New York State Supreme Court Justice, suffering from pancreatic cancer, begs state legislature to legalize medical marijuana: "It is barbaric to deny us access to one substance that has proved to ameliorate our suffering" (nytimes.com)
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Amazing image of Jupiter and its moons as seen from SOHO (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Apparently, Van Halen can only stand one another for two months before calling it quits (rollingstone.com)
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Walter Cronkite's last contract with CBS stipulated that he quit complaining about that a**hole Rather (nypost.com)
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Warning, baby teeth may cause nightmares (m.io9.com)
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Potential Vice President nominee, Bobby Jindal, did what in college? c) Preformed an exorcism on his girlfriend (motherjones.com)
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Jim Rash in a live discussion tonight for the season finale of Community (warmingglow.uproxx.com)
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Axl Rose suffers nasty injuries to one of his SHA-NA-NA-NA SHA-NA-NA-NA SHA-NA-NA-NA KNEES, KNEEEEEEEEEEEES (thesun.co.uk)
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Please stand for the Soviet National Anthem (youtube.com)
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Photoshop this coal man smoking a cigar (msnbcmedia4.msn.com)
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Astronomer tweets an offhand hipster comment. The internet responds (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Inside a Scrabble For Cheaters event where you pay to... Is that John Hodgman shirtless? (gameological.com)
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Do we have to beg for an NBA playoff thread today? I mean, shoot, hockey ain't even 'merican. Ok, I'm begging...pleeeeeeese? Pacers vs Heat at 7pm. Other games? Who cares. I'm the one beggin' here (nba.com)
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Sad: Puppy Mill. Weird: Run by senior citizens. Scary: The Mugshots. It is a Fark Tag Trifecta (mlive.com)
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We were hoping it had gone away, but John Travolta's Gropegate lives on: He just couldn't resist a quickie with Kenickie (newser.com)
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Bud Selig about the Oakland Athletics: "FARK it, if they can't build a new ballpark let's move them somewhere else" (blog.pennlive.com)
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Got $26 to spend at a Texas Rangers game? There's a 2 foot long bratwurst named after Josh Hamilton you can get with that (blog.pennlive.com)
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House votes to end military sponsorships of NASCAR, professional fishing, and professional wrasslin'. It's still real to me, dammit (usatoday.com)
|
| (Long Island Press) |
|
LIRR train kills man. Earth on verge of war with Omicron Persei 8 (longislandpress.com)
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Andrew Breitbart was never a "Birther" but Barack Hussein Obama's first literary agency, Acton & Dystel was (breitbart.com)
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81-year-old Detroit woman rescued from burning home by grandson. Everyone's happy until they realize that they still live in Detroit (clickondetroit.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Did you know there were bacteria where the cells only subdivide once every 100,000+ years, and that there were viruses that appear to have survived for 50 million years in crystal inclusions without ever dividing? Hold me (after the Purelle) (moreintelligentlife.com)
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Happy ending for John Travolta (cnn.com)
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| |
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London cops want to suck your phone dry in an instant. I demand that they buy me dinner first (boingboing.net)
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| (KTVB) |
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Underwear bandit breaks through the backdoor, in Fruitland Idaho (ktvb.com)
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Thumbs, Dolphins And 98 Other Things That Will Not Exist In 1,000 Years (teamcoco.com)
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Fed to study how banks manage deposits. Their timing is impeccable (bloomberg.com)
|
| |
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Fitch slices Greece's long-term credit rating to CCC from B-, citing its continued membership in the eurozone as being DOA (foxbusiness.com)
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Mitt Romney buys his first ads of the general election, which, for some reason, are still attack ads on Newt Gingrich (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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More than 53,000 dead people found to be on Florida's voting rolls, most thought likely to vote for BRAAIIINNNSSS (miamiherald.com)
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Mercury for sale on Craigslist. What could go wrong? (myfoxtwincities.com)
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Don't you dare bring anything that even remotely resembles a gun to the RNC convention, the Tampa City Council has banned it Fark: Concealed REAL guns are OK, thanks to the Brain Trust in the Florida Legislature and that genius Rick Scott (tampabay.com)
|
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Lawrence Taylor selling his '91 Super Bowl ring after running into "legal and financial" problems, which is media talk for bad coke habits, banging underage prostitutes and the ensuing legal fees that result (nfl.com)
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When a blow to the head creates a sudden genius (theatlantic.com)
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Some search engines make money by NOT tracking users. Google overheard muttering, "Whateva, I do what I waaaaaaaaan" (arstechnica.com)
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Are Ron Paul supporters really planning to hijack the GOP national convention? Well, how else are they going to get their critical anti-chemtrails plank in the platform? (csmonitor.com)
|
| |
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Indian media upset that new mom Aishwarya Rai has eaten too many sammiches (smh.com.au)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Pentagon reveals scale model of bin Laden's compound used to plan attack. Suck it, Hasbro (wiod.com)
|
| |
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In the final 90 seconds of the season Manchester City win the English Premier League for first time in 44 years. Home video of entirely unbiased and disinterested Manchester United and Manchester City fans reaction (youtube.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Apple: "Not happy with Siri? Buy an Android phone" (bgr.com)
|
| |
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Rodin Museum to reopen in July, Mothra Museum still on hold (news.yahoo.com)
|
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Jennifer Lopez stars in the hottest airbrushed bikini photo shoot of a 42-year-old you'll ever see (starpulse.com)
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Rubber duckies and an increasing volume of LN2 in plastic bottles because SCIENCE (wired.com)
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Hospital patient caught with pot and psychedelic mushrooms, demands to speak with giant lizard (ctpost.com)
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Vermont bans fracking. Starbuck inconsolable (huffingtonpost.com)
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Jenny McCarthy reveals that she is in desperate need of money (starpulse.com)
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Coyote fans think there's got to be good news left after watching the US fall to Finland with 8.8 seconds left in the IIHF World Championships. They're wrong, they still have to play the Kings tonight @ 8:30 EDT (tsn.ca)
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Justin Bieber: "I'm a swaggy adult." I'm fairly sure that one of those words is horribly misspelled (wwtdd.com)
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At 74, stunning Jane Fonda outshines stars half her age at Cannes Film Festival. Photographers just need to keep their distance as she might shatter from all the flashes (dailymail.co.uk)
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ATTENTION DC FARKERS: Betty White will be at the National Zoo tomorrow. Line up and take your best shot, boys (csmonitor.com)
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"Sodomy is not a Civil Right." - Bob Marshall (R-Va.), subby's wife (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Photographs of people being blasted by wind in the face, that is all (io9.com)
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21-year-old college student builds his own super-PAC from scratch and uses it to tip the scales in a Kentucky primary because it's all about Liberty for All (motherjones.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Blizzard: "We were not prepared" (vg247.com)
|
| |
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Security experts claim that if you're carrying a laptop or a smartphone in Chicago this week, you might come under a cyber attack because people may think you're part of the NATO summit (suntimes.com)
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"Why are 'progressives' opposed to outsourcing?" Well I can only speak for myself but all things being equal I just didn't think it was a funny show (hotair.com)
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| (Sportsnet) |
|
Jose Canseco is broke, alone and filled with regret. He also wants the reporter to fake an orgasm. Just go read this already, it's the most insane (and sad) athlete profile you'll find anywhere (sportsnet.ca)
|
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News: Tebow sues t-shirt vendor for using his name. Fark: T-shirt doesn't refer to Tebow, it refers to Jesus (foxnews.com)
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| (Washington City Paper) |
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D.C. Tour Bus Driver: Numbskull tourists always ask for directions to Private Ryan's grave (washingtoncitypaper.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Google Earth: Product Placement Central (technology.gather.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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A horse can run out to sea of course, but nobody can think a horse can swim of course, so we had to swim a mile out and rescue this poor horse of course (abc27.com)
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Joe Biden responds to Romney taking credit for the rebound of the American auto industry: "I'll take a lot of credit for a man landing on the moon. I rooted for it" (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know how sometimes you're just minding your own business when a Lambourghini pulls over, a horse in a bikini jumps out and someone molests the horse with a rubber glove on a trombone? I hate it when that happens (dudelol.com)
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Is Obama an American? Colorado congressman says "not in his heart" (thedenverchannel.com)
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If your neighbors refuse to close their windows while having sex do you C) record the act and post the audio file to Soundcloud for all the Internet to hear? (gizmodo.com)
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Warren Buffet's Bershire-Hathaway is buying into another dying business. Buggy whip manufacturers rejoice (finance.yahoo.com)
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The best part of waking up is "coffee tincture made by infusing grain alcohol and rum with cracked coffee beans " (foodandwine.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're not tired of all the Prometheus footage Ridley Scott is using to ruin the movie ahead of release, here's a glimpse of the Yutani Corporation (slyoyster.com)
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Babylon's Hanging Gardens--one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World--is about to get boned by oil whores (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Marketplace) |
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Those silly hippies of the "Occupy" movement have never done anything worthwhile--except get half a dozen major cities to pass the most signficant bank "transparency" laws enacted in a generation (marketplace.org)
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The president says he is a "practicing Christian." It is difficult to be one while simultaneously holding a low view of the Bible, which his position on several social issues might suggest (townhall.com)
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Epic boner by lawyer for Goldman exposes their Sachs (rollingstone.com)
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If you're traveling in Northwest Iowa today, be advised that a massive buffalo breakout happened earlier today and now more than 200 buffalo are roaming around five separate counties (press-citizen.com)
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DC Comics and Dynamic Forces unveil the Watchmen toaster. Alan Moore inconsolable (comicsalliance.com)
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Romney calls attack ad about a steel mill that Bain Capital closed down "really off target" because they hadn't finished looting the mill until after he left "so that's hardly something that should be on my watch" (abcnews.go.com)
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Man accused of paying prostitutes with heroin and food from the McDonald's dollar menu. That stuff could kill a person, what with all the grease and salt (suntimes.com)
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Will Smith's kung fu son gets right to the point and asks President Obama about the space aliens (popwatch.ew.com)
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96 percent of the meals that you can get in any restaurant fail to even get close to meeting USDA standards for nutrition. Uh, maybe we should lower the standards? It works for education (usatoday.com)
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Foreclosures hit a record low, probably because there's only a few houses left to foreclose upon (finance.yahoo.com)
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Not news: Bartender walks female patron home. News: Thief tries to steal her purse. Fark: Bartender fights him off, gets stabbed eight times. Totalfark: He has no health insurance; the bar is hosting a fundraiser to pay his bills. Can we help? (wtop.com)
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The rainbow flag flies at half-mast. RIP Donna Summer (tmz.com)
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Eduardo Saverin says that he is not dodging taxes by renouncing his US citizenship, in the same way that subby discovered table salt (asia.cnet.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Video of someone who thinks Russell Brand is awesome, hysterical, and pink. She's 5 (mega949.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"His voice is so high, it sounds like a ringtone." Reporter meets the new, improved, manly Bieber 2.0 on his 18th birthday (gq.com)
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Greek government denies there is a run on the bank as everybody looks to cash out euros now instead of taking drachmas later (usatoday.com)
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Azithromycin may increase the likelihood of sudden death in adults, especially those who have heart issues. Hey, my dentist prescribes that for me, because of my heart operation. Seriously she does. THUD (nytimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Saggy Pants Bill falls on Alabama Senate floor (1035superx.com)
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GOP plan "calls for hiring an 'extremely literate conservative African-American' to accuse Obama of lying in presenting himself as a 'metrosexual, black Abe Lincoln.'" No, seriously (nytimes.com)
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Obama expects a "serious bipartisan approach" to tackling the budget and growing federal deficit this year. Oh wait, he's serious, let me laugh even harder (upi.com)
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They say they don't want Facebook. They insist they don't need Facebook. They are the resisters (eitb.com)
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A 19th Century Bart Simpson placed history's first prank phone call to Mo's Funeral Home (networkworld.com)
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Mitch McConnell hides in his shell after the GOP once again screws up on student loan rates (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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It turns out getting a pedicure by allowing tropical fish to gnaw off dead flesh from your feet may give you an antibiotic-resistant disease. Who would have guessed? (mnn.com)
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Brees/Saints talks are "extremely frustrating". If only there were some way the Saints could pay players for certain performanced based measurements (espn.go.com)
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You know how Stephen Strasburg had that incident with the Hot Stuff? Yeah, about that (washingtonpost.com)
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Did you know? President Zaphod Beeblebrox once said, "If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now." Today, the Obama administration carries on that philosophy in a more tech-savvy way (newsbusters.org)
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If you are French, and your man is making more love to the new Diablo III game than you, you may be eligible for a free vibrator (Not safe for work pic of woman's second-best friend) (kotaku.com)
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FYI: JP Morgan's $2 billion loss is now $3 billion (theatlantic.com)
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Team trainers to player hit by wild pitch: "Who are you?" Player to trainers: "I am Batman" (tampabay.rays.mlb.com)
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Meet the original guy that had to be at the gym in 26 minutes (neatorama.com)
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Cherokee genealogist: We are one of the most most document heavy Native groups and Professor Warren, you have no proof of claim, your documents don't exist (which if true should be easy to find). Just admit you got caught lying (hotair.com)
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Newest urban scourge? Geese. Department of Natural Resources: They'll be handled by the coyotes, which will be handled by the gorillas, which come winter, will simply freeze to death (ajc.com)
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Sears plans on abandoning their Canada operations, as the demand for plaid flannel, maple syrup, moose traps, and goofy hats with floppy ears has declined sharply (chicagotribune.com)
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After decades of being largely ignored, Atlanta's sizable group of transvestite prostitutes have decided to start group muggings to get themselves back in the spotlight (11alive.com)
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Canada bounced from medal round of the World Hockey Championship. Which is okay since this isn't a real tournament anyway, eh? (tsn.ca)
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TLC makes "Toddlers and Tiaras" even more creepy, appear to be about one more season away from just combining all their reality shows into one and calling it "Freakshow" (abcnews.go.com)
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John Deere earnings continue to ride uphill (marketwatch.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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How HTC has modified Android software in their US phones to avoid Apple patents (theverge.com)
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As new revelations and charges surface, it's looking more and more like Bigus Dickus was the lead centurion of "The Legion of Christ" (abcnews.go.com)
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In the near future, people will read this article to learn more about the debacle of Men in Black III, which only exists because Will Smith had an idea for a time-travel movie (latimes.com)
|
| (The Big Picture) |
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Brief history of how lobbyists and banks whittled away at Glass-Steagall over time until it was gone. Kind of like Lisa and Bart saying "Can we have a pool, Dad?" until Homer relents (ritholtz.com)
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Remember the fine print of the Verizon contract that states they can change the terms any time they want? Well, it's that time (usatoday.com)
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Average cost of health care for a family of four now at $20,000 a year. Of course, if anyone actually gets sick the cost goes up a lot more (latimes.com)
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Scarlett Johansson reveals her secret to getting in shape: eat right and exercise. I was expecting purple monkey dishwasher in there somewhere (huffingtonpost.com)
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A Girl and Her Dog Walk Across America, End Up in Guild Wars 2 (kotaku.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're going to send someone a text inquiring about buying some illegal moonshine, make sure you don't accidentally text a state trooper (adn.com)
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WTF Headline of the Day: "Lindsay Lohan embraces love of old school Hollywood glamour by renting $25,000 a month Beverly Hills bolthole"......Oh, BOLThole (dailymail.co.uk)
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Don't you hate it when the rocks you collected at the beach spontaneously combust...in your pocket? (dailymail.co.uk)
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May 13, 2012: the most exciting day in EPL soccer history, compressed to less than 8 minutes of mind-blowing split-screen action (deadspin.com)
|
| (Reading Is For Snobs) |
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Idiot congressman defends denying poor children school lunches by quoting non-existent scripture (readingisforsnobs.blogspot.com)
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First clip from the set of the US Sherlock. Looks appalling. Guess subby's nationality (shortlist.com)
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| (Some Oil Drilliing Astronut) |
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NASA wants you to know there's now about 4700 possibilities for a remake of "Armageddon" (phys.org)
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Uh, North Korea, just a little tip? When there is only one country in the whole world that will even speak to you, it's probably best not to hijack their fishing boats and hold their crews for ransom (washingtonpost.com)
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Game of Thrones played on 8 floppy drives. Windows is coming (youtube.com)
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Kareem Abdul Jabbar misses an easy dunk on Jeopardy (youtube.com)
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16th century home for sale. Exposed wooden beams, oak-panelled dining room, fire place and swimming pool that has been drowned in once. Oh, and Pooh. Lots of Pooh (torontosun.com)
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The name is Acula. Dr. Acula (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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When you buy your Facebook stock today, understand that Goldman is selling 1/2 of their stock in Facebook, and sit smug knowing you're smarter than Goldman (bloomberg.com)
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Majority of US Children now being born to minorities. EVERYBODY HISPANIC (hosted.ap.org)
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Penis goes where?? (arstechnica.com)
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A steal of home plate is great. It's even better when it gives you a walk-off win (w/video) (deadspin.com)
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First person to ever win NBA rookie of the year, player of the year, coach of the year and now executive of the year. Argument is valid even though it is a Bird (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)
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Ten homages the new My Little Pony cartoon has made, from Jesus from The Big Lebowski to Q. That might explain this Brony phenomenon (toplessrobot.com)
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Photoshop this reflection (i.imgur.com)
|
| (Some T.O.M) |
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Toonami Returns to the Cartoon Network, and it may not even contain any wrestling, reality shows, or stiflingly unfunny live-action shows aimed at stoners (animenewsnetwork.com)
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You know how your doctor calls HDL 'good' cholesterol? Yeah, about that (nytimes.com)
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A history of the Ron Paul campaign, as told by internet comments (swampland.time.com)
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If Universal and EMI merge, they will own 40% of the music industry, turning them into the Borg Collective of music (theatlantic.com)
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After two years and a $1.5 million stimulus, study on erectile dysfunction doesn't stand up (dailymail.co.uk)
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For once, Arby's sandwich found to contain real meat (mlive.com)
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City employee finds gun while mowing. Does he: A) sell it to a 14-year-old who robs a 7-11, B) pawn it and get arrested as it was used in a murder, or C) Turn it in and get fired for possessing a weapon while on the job? (jobs.aol.com)
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Fisherman's body found at lake. He was ten feet tall and 700 pounds (kansascity.com)
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"One in eight students at Iowa State University didn't realize they would have student loan debt after graduation" (desmoinesregister.com)
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You may be 50, but you don't feel a day over 21 (ocregister.com)
|
| (Albany Times Union) |
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Naked woman walks into lumber store, causes customers to sport wood (timesunion.com)
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Coffee that was once good for you, then bad for you, then good, then bad, then good, and then bad again is now once more good for you (vitals.msnbc.msn.com)
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George W. Bush is writing a book on economic growth. That's the joke (usnews.com)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 367: "Scavenger Hunt 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
|
Wed May 16, 2012
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North American fish populations slowly crawling back from disaster. Let's see if we can get them to crawl towards the tartar sauce (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Joe Namath compares Sanchez and Tebow, and it's a dirty little secret (nypost.com)
|
| (news8000.com) |
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Two accused of driving with portable meth lab next to toddler. That's methed up (news8000.com)
|
| (CJAD) |
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Is Howard Dean okay after getting into a car accident during a radio interview? YEEEEAAAAARGGHH (cjad.com)
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Wells Fargo drives man to commit suicide (alternet.org)
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Real drivers know how to work a stick. Which reminds me, say hello to your mom (jalopnik.com)
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"The Godfather of Go-Go" busts the pearly gates loose (washingtonpost.com)
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Former NY Governor Spitzer's call girl selling her underwear. Move along, nothing to sniff here (gothamist.com)
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Just when you thought all the polling data was swinging Romney's way, here's a poll that favors Obama. A Fox News poll (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Why the Heat is in deep LeBron (miamiherald.com)
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"Limited availability of penis surgery is not due to risk but because there is no formal training for it..If I cut too much it'll be like that," Dr Viel says, drawing a drooping outline, "not the best for sex" (nzherald.co.nz)
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Car crashes into the home of Sonya and Wade Schenewolf, of Easton, PA. This is a repeat from March 2012, and also from December 2011 (gma.yahoo.com)
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Clear Channel continues its efforts to own every radio station in every city (mobile.boston.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Problem 1: Minor girls drinking in your bar. Problem 2: Cops are walking in. Solution: Stick them in the kitchen, tell cops they're your cooks. Problem 3: They don't know how to start the grill (wlfi.com)
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All Day I Dream About Suing (finance.yahoo.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Tony Stark to face off against classic Marvel supervillain for Iron Man 3. Nah, just kidding, it's one of those mid-'90s hair guys everyone tried to forget (badassdigest.com)
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Scientists claim that listening to chickens could improve poultry production, but I think they're just winging it (sciencedaily.com)
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The Kennedy Curse is validated one more time (nypost.com)
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Photoshop these students stretching (spiegel.de)
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Not news: Most Americans opposed to massive government spending. Fark: On the Apollo space program (slate.com)
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NBA playoffs continue: Celtics try and get one back at the Sixers. Lakers to decide whether or not they'll actually show up against the Thunder. Either way, somebody's crying tonight (scores.espn.go.com)
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Brain tapeworms: because regular tapeworms weren't quite disgusting enough (gizmodo.com)
|
| (Some Bunny) |
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A Farker needs our help (nei.nih.gov)
|
| (Some zoo's blog) |
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Ugly ass-snow leopards born at Woodland Park Zoo. Link goes to some sucky blog and horrific pics (woodlandparkzblog.blogspot.com)
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Tombstone water access denied. Well... bye (azcentral.com)
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When even Forbes thinks that Wall Street commercial banking needs a leash and a muzzle, it probably needs a leash and a muzzle (forbes.com)
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You know those $100 shoes you bought to help you tone your butt and lose weight? Never mind (wptv.com)
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War, Day Two (8:00 PM eastern, NBC Sports Network) (scores.espn.go.com)
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Hulk fan want to see Avengers movie. Hulk fan not like movie is subtitled. HULK FAN PULLLLLLLLLLLLL THEATER'S FIRE ALARM (baltimoresun.com)
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Did John Boehner have anything positive to say from his recent meeting with Barack Obama? "The Speaker was very pleased with the sandwiches served" (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Height, weight, size, girth, tight, skinny, tan, rich, petite, jacked, strong, confident, go-getter, blast at parties, awesome fashion sense, musically adept, great cook, great in bed, etc, etc (gizmodo.com)
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Look, if you ate another galaxy you'd have gas shooting out of both ends, too (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Carlos Fuentes is no mas. He was the first Mexican author to write a best seller north of the border, an idealistic diplomat, and a brilliant wordsmith in two languages. Subby can't even write a coherent headline in one. Adios, maestro (nytimes.com)
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Four Guardian Angels knifed in Chicago. If only there was somebody to watch over them (chicagotribune.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
"The giant penis artwork "Gaia" measuring over 4 metres was...blown up during a controlled explosion" (austrianindependent.com)
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Scotland in bid for Tour De France. Bon-JOOOOOOORRRR ye cheese eating surrender monkeys (bbc.co.uk)
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You know you're homeless when your husband rubbing and massaging your back is actually his attempt to secretly stuff stolen Pop-Tarts and Slim Jims into your pockets (wptv.com)
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Apparently the entire Oracle/Google Court case is one big "Intro to Java" class (wired.com)
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Five lessons from a lost iPhone. I'd tell you them myself, but... uh... I lost my iPhone (news.cnet.com)
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"Let's see...fever, check. Infection in the lungs, check. Coughing up blood, check. My dear, it is of my professional opinion that you're just lovesick" (telegraph.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Yet another reason why Canada kicks America's ass. We have sex tours for school age kids that include a masturbation room (winnipegsun.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Man, who obviously has never seen porn before, gets slashy at public library on another man for not looking at porn (nbcnewyork.com)
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Because the Segway is so popular, Honda introduces the Uni-cub (latimes.com)
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Photoshop this guy getting a grip (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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Over time, subway systems in major cities all over the world have developed in the same way, suggesting universal principles of human self-organization (wired.com)
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Owners of "Pizza Delicious" bought an ad on Facebook. Let's find out how they did (npr.org)
|
| (Some Bozo) |
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Group of clowns to assault police at NATO summit with pies. Guess we will find out if clown death is in fact funny (chicago.cbslocal.com)
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"Repeal and Replace" replaced by "Fark it. We're not going to do something hard like health care reform" (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (Some Awesome Grandma) |
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100-year-old Edith Pittenger has already taken laps at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway (at age 96), so how does she celebrate 100? By going parasailing (thestarpress.com)
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Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin had a litany of psychological disorders, according to this intro psych textbook: OCD, ADHD, gender identity disorder (hypervocal.com)
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Okay, now this is getting ridiculous. Apparently Obama is America's first "Amish President" as well because he won't let his daughters use Facebook or cell phones (abcnews.go.com)
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Fourth man accuses John Travolta of pud friction (radaronline.com)
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Charlize Theron didn't have teeth until she turned 11. No, theriouthly (starpulse.com)
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 |
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Bikini booster blamed for burned boobs (thelocal.se)
|
| (Twitchy) |
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Shaquille O'Neal vs. Charles Barkley in epic shirt off competition (twitchy.com)
|
| (wlfi.com) |
|
12-year-old boy put in jail by mistake. Officers suspected something was wrong upon realizing that they jailed a 12-year-old boy (wlfi.com)
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Candle company now offering candles for men scented like "Riding Mower" and "2 x 4". Nothing in the flatulence, used motor oil or nitrogen-based fertilizer line yet. But we're waiting (washingtontimes.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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"What are you in for?" "Unlawful possession of abalone" (lakeconews.com)
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"When God drops a puppy from the sky, you keep it" (video.msnbc.msn.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
$200,000 street value - $200,000 bail = Freedom to 52-year-old pot farmer (delcotimes.com)
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Obama's failed energy policy at work: The US is currently the world's fastest growing oil and natural gas producer. "The new Middle East" according to Citigroup analysts (usatoday.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Snooki promises to give up tanning while pregnant, will name the baby Mel ... for melanoma (usmagazine.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Trio robs five people and shoots one, across two states, in less than two hours. And they say American work ethic is dead (fortstewart.patch.com)
|
| (TSP) |
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Man visits campus on a stolen bike, steal sodas, says he's going to the library to study but can't remember what he's studying, later found on another bicycle with a stolen sandwich, gets arrested. The circle of dumbass is complete (thestarpress.com)
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Wherein Tom Cruise demands a monkey (grantland.com)
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Uwe Boll interview. Oliver Stone is "that farking prick". Mission Impossible 4 is "completely stupid". Complains that "a lot of people just didn't watch my serious movies with an objective eye" (denofgeek.com)
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FBI decides that while JP Morgan Chase might be too big to fail it may not be too big to Jail its executives (news.blogs.cnn.com)
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Real Americans in Nebraska GOP take a hard right turn into Palin country. Democratic nominee and former Senator, Bob Kerrey, last seen dancing a jig and preparing his victory speech (cnn.com)
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China: Me ban you long time. Vietnam: I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair (abcnews.go.com)
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Two hot blondes perform the "Game of Thrones" theme on electric harps.... Winter is coming, indeed (youtube.com)
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British joblessness falls unexpectedly, pay rises slow, sending ripples through pub industry (news.yahoo.com)
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Ignore the Establishment Media: Ron Paul Has NOT Dropped Out (youtube.com)
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Joey Lawrence to strip for Chippendales. WHOA (tmz.com)
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What do we want in a TV series finale? Most viewers demand a satisfying conclusion, but an ambiguous ending can often be more mem (avclub.com)
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Booker (youtube.com)
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Iranian rapper Shahin Najafi starts feud with an ayatollah. That's gangsta (news.yahoo.com)
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Dogs in Russia sing the national anthem. Cats in Russia continue to maliciously vomit in shoes (shortlist.com)
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I swear to God, that's not my bag baby (thelocal.se)
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On this day in 1988, scientists discovered that nicotine was just as addictive as heroin and cocaine, and yet we still allow it to be sold in stores across the country (wired.com)
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Finally someone realizes even pirates have to sit on the beach and drink fruity drinks with tiny umbrellas once in a while (bbc.co.uk)
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New York state senator honors MCA with resolution: WHEREAS, The music and message of the Beastie Boys evolved over the years, but they can't, they don't, they won't stop (gothamist.com)
|
| (SlashGear) |
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If you can't beat them in the marketplace, beat them at the border. It's the Apple way (slashgear.com)
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Students place sticky notes throughout school as a senior prank. The principal's reaction? a) Share a good laugh with the students, b) Kindly ask the students to remove sticky notes, or c) Suspend 40+ students and fire the janitor (indystar.com)
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To honor 100th anniversary of his birth, Charles Addams gallery opens at New Jersey theater. *snap* *snap* (nj.com)
|
| (australian) |
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New study says that fat reaches a person's waistline within three hours of eating a meal, or three and a half hours after Domino's gets the call (theaustralian.com.au)
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Tim "Obamneycare" Pawlenty doesn't want to be VP. He doesn't want a Cabinet post. He doesn't want anything to do with Romney, really (mediaite.com)
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New Jersey has a devilish plan to keep Rangers' fans from the Rock (espn.go.com)
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Alcoholidays, mirthquakes, and other portmanteaux that sadly did not catch on (mentalfloss.com)
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| (abc) |
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18-year-old high school senior becomes youngest elected official in New York State, has homework still due on Friday (abclocal.go.com)
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DC Metro can't wait for you to get the hell off of its trains (myfoxdc.com)
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Over 2,000 people apply for jobs to build asteroid-mining robots. "Thanks a lot" says asteroid miners' union (msnbc.msn.com)
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Fiat: The car of choice for photobombers (jalopnik.com)
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Despite years of trying to grow the donor pool, replacement organs are still in critically short supply for people whose names aren't Dick Cheney or Steve Jobs. The solution? Tax credits for organ donors (npr.org)
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Stevie Wonder tells TMZ he wants to be one of their cameramen. Well, he definitely qualifies (tmz.com)
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"You go vertical into the light, and suddenly, instead of gray and dark, it's light and blue. You are totally connected with the elements. You are in another world. I want to live that again" (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You are not allowed to open fire in a Missouri bar merely because they won't serve you any more alcohol. That's really more of a Texas thing (kjrh.com)
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Disney's new live action Princess Merida, while very easy on the eyes, is having some problems with the accent (dailyrecord.co.uk)
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| (Sky News) |
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Actor Michael Caine trapped overnight in dressing room. He should have blown the bloody doors off (news.sky.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Relegation: why college football needs to embrace cannibalism (sbnation.com)
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Aaron Sorkin to write film about Steve Jobs. In other news, Apple to trademark the walk and talk (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Hey, remember those first steps President Obama took beside Neil Armstrong on the moon? And when he guest-lectured with Albert Einstein? Oh man, good times, good times (content.usatoday.com)
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With all the hype over Facebook's IPO, one question is starting to be asked quietly again and again... what exactly does Facebook *do*? (abcnews.go.com)
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Mitt Romney awkwardly avoids referring to George W. Bush by name, presumably because his name has been removed from his programming (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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Couple commits suicide in a cemetery. Sad, yet convenient (desmoinesregister.com)
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Let's face it, staycations are so last year. How about a nakation instead? (travel.usatoday.com)
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Just another day on the floor of the New Hampshire state legislature: Democrats yell, "Stand your ground," as police eject Republican Nazi saluter (huffingtonpost.com)
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John Connor reported missing from downtown Los Angeles. T-1000 wanted for questioning (wonderwall.msn.com)
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The Right Rev. Dr. Dentist Orly Taitz, MD, DDS, Attorney-at-Real Estate, Birther-at-Law, has released a campaign video for her GOP Senate run. You have to watch it right now (wonkette.com)
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Facebook discovers there's a lot more suckers out there than previously thought (news.cnet.com)
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James Lipton trolls Mitt Romney (videos.nymag.com)
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13-year-old boy sticks it to Title IX critics (cbsnews.com)
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The €urozone becomes the human centipede -- stitched up by a psychotic German one is about to die and take the rest with them (bbc.co.uk)
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Buffalo detectives solve 1994 murder after finally realizing that the guy who "found" the dismembered corpse in his yard had spent the last forty years racking up convictions for raping and killing his way across New York (buffalonews.com)
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California Governor Brown proposes four day work week for state employees. DMV workers immediately angry about having to add two days to their current schedule (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Scientists discover earth-like planet emitting infared glow. Still striking out on that whole warp-drive thing (scientificamerican.com)
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Taekwondo World Champion vs Random Gunman. Round 1, fi- BLAM (wsbtv.com)
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Old and busted: Obama was born in Kenya. New hotness: Obama's grandfather was a CIA agent who convinced Barack Obama Sr. to marry his daughter to hide the fact that she was impregnated by a 55-year-old communist named Frank Marshall Davis (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Pastor busted for watching his flock a little too closely (thesmokinggun.com)
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Are you a self-centered douchebag who can't wait a few hours before yammering your life's inanities into a cellphone so that everyone trapped around you can hear every detail? Awesome, you're the man, book your next flight on Virgin (travel.usatoday.com)
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"Well, we can't give the $72 million it would take to build a new bridge because the old one is unsafe. But we can spend $10 million to paint the old one and make it look prettier" (qctimes.com)
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Doctor Who + Corsets + Lolita skirts = NERDGASM(52) + 1 (io9.com)
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Google's new Android strategy: Fark the carriers (mobile.slashdot.org)
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New MacBook Pro includes slim design, new retina display. Voight-Kampff testing capabilities still unknown (cnn.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Portal turret comes alive in robot project (zdnet.com.au)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Mother outraged that a teacher allegedly molested her 16-year-old son. Father also complains that his shoulder is sore from all the high-fiving (northjersey.com)
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I will set your skirt on fire. Is this understood, gypsy? (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Remember how the White folks stole all of the land from the Indians? Yeah, well about that (cracked.com)
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Sacha Baron Cohen may not be your cup of tea, but you have to admit he commits to a character 100% when promoting his movies (telegraph.co.uk)
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Take-home HIV test approved by FDA in unanimous vote could prevent thousands of transmissions, frat house gang bangs, annually (nytimes.com)
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Tired of the TSA shenanigans at the airport? Just climb a fence, walk across a runway, and board a flight (tennessean.com)
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What do you do with a drunken Saylor? Put some clothes on her til she's sober. HO HO and up she rises. Ear-lye in the morning (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)
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Girl graduating from American University gets an offer she can't refuse (youtube.com)
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Man's condition downgraded from Nearly Drowned to Totally Drowned (abcnews.go.com)
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If you send a text to a driver, can you go to jail if he crashes? (thecarconnection.com)
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GOP-controlled Virginia House rejects judicial nomination of popular former prosecutor and fighter pilot, due to "a pattern of behavior that is just notorious," also known as being gay (nytimes.com)
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Korean language lesson just gets better the longer you watch it (break.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Everyone's so happy over at Blizzard that they've even taken the forums offline for a little "emergency server work". I guess 1000 pages of happy customers was just too much squee, right Blizz? (us.battle.net)
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General Mills gives the Honey Nut Cheerios mascot intense background story of abuse in foster care to try and capture a wider demographic (theonion.com)
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Student: It's hot, can we turn the AC on? Teacher: Of course - just one question - what is equal to the sum of the squares of the two legs of a right triangle? (myfoxdc.com)
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SURPRISE. The recently released video by James O'Keefe "exposing" voter fraud is fabricated bullsh*t. Breitbart still scrubbing toilets in hell (thinkprogress.org)
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What a motorcycle looks like after it meets two racing Ferraris (gothamist.com)
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Four Alabama men fined for stealing cultural artifacts. In other news, proof now exists that at some time in the remote past, there was actually some culture in Alabama (wrcbtv.com)
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How many times do I have to say this? If you run an unsecured Wifi network called "pedodave69" you are are only asking for trouble; especially if you are a retired FBI agent (cnn.com)
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Need a reason to visit Santa Claus, Indiana the summer? How about riding the world's longest water coaster (itineraries.msnbc.msn.com)
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Ringo Starr: ♫" I just lost all the photographs" ♫ (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com)
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Polling shows that if Chris Christie were added to the GOP ticket, they'd still lose New Jersey. Then again, it's doubtful if Jesus Christ were added to the GOP ticket, they'd be able to win New Jersey. New Jersey (politico.com)
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Domesticated dogs may have been the reason why we flourished over the Neanderthals (dailymail.co.uk)
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Has YOUR President scored the game-winning goal against a team of Russian Hockey Legends? Pootie-Poot has (video.msnbc.msn.com)
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Canucks still have it in for the Bruins (slam.canoe.ca)
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It just wouldn't be a fitting Tim Wakefield tribute without Doug Mirabelli arriving in a police car (nesn.com)
|
| (The Restart Page) |
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Computer restarts from days gone by, all for your clicking pleasure. Christ, I'm old (therestartpage.com)
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There's no way he'll get it right next year (mysanantonio.com)
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So, apparently July 9th, 2012 is the Internet Apocaypse. WHO KNEW? (salon.com)
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Newton's Second Law of Motion, as demonstrated by Phillies' Carlos Lee (deadspin.com)
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Baseball player's performance affected after getting Hot Stuff ointment on a sensitive area (washingtonpost.com)
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Judge doesn't buy that a 16-year-old girl actually raped a 47-year-old man and not the other way around (cnews.canoe.ca)
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Smoking Hot/Ex-IDF/KILLER Smile/ *wrecks* a drum kit. I present to you, Meytal Cohen. Let the kittens hit the floor, Let the kittens hit the floor, LET the KITTENS Hit the FLOOR, LET THE KITTENS HIT THE, FLOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR (youtube.com)
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Russian satellite captures highest-resolution image of Earth ever. Something must be wrong with this monitor, I can't see America (foxnews.com)
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Paleontologists determine that Pliosaurs had arthritis. Still no cure for cancer (abcnews.go.com)
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All the toaster strudels will look up and shout, "Frost us" and I'll look down and whisper, "No" (gammasquad.uproxx.com)
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"Bobby" Jindal attacks Obama saying he has "Never ran a state, never ran a business, never ran a lemonade stand." which is true, unless you count his experience running The UNITED STATES for the last 4 years (abcnews.go.com)
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Luckiest journalist in the world gets paid to find the "Greatest Beer in the World". His answer? Russian River Brewing Company's Pliny the Younger (slate.com)
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In honor of the late Adam Yauch, three kids perform a remake of the Beastie Boys' "Sabotage" video (news.yahoo.com)
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Olrtxt dbt gvd bank mce isu weu es gr ezc ecb eu;de10yt=tweb es10yt=tweb (ca.news.yahoo.com)
|
| (Some Blooper Reel) |
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Hot blonde reporter caught pulling her skirt up on national television. Who said there's never anything good on TV? (dumbassdaily.com)
|
| (LoanSafe) |
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LoanSafe sees the reality in FARK's prediction of future social security benefits (2nd paragraph) (loansafe.org)
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Female genitalia... or Pac-man? (SFW) (3news.co.nz)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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What do you get when you combine a Sparkling Princess and Royal Horse Barbie set in pink wrapping paper, a digital camera and Viagra? C.) PMITAP (post-gazette.com)
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30 years from now: some predictions (buzzfeed.com)
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Coyotes force trail closures in Golden Gate Park due to conflicts with pets, shipments of rocket sleds and giant crossbows from Acme Corp (nytimes.com)
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TV crew catches carpet cleaner creating a few stains of his own (3news.co.nz)
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Loyal ally Pakistan allows the US to reopen supply line to troops in Afghanistan. For $365 million US. Annually (csmonitor.com)
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You are the home plate umpire, and you are restarting a game after a rain delay. Here's your checklist: 1. Home Team on the field 2. Visiting team at bat. 3. Mask. 4. Indicator....oh, thats right, 5. The rest of your crew (mlb.mlb.com)
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Manny Pacquiao against gay marriage, and this coming from a guy who hits on other men for a living (nydailynews.com)
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After getting caught shoplifting an 18 pack of Bud Light from a store, man admits to the cops that it was "a bad decision." No word if he's talking about the act of stealing or the type of beer he stole (nwfdailynews.com)
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Judge orders suspect freed on $150,000 bond as long as he wears his ankle monitor and gets his book reports in by Friday (upi.com)
|
| (Some Player) |
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Church Softball team dropped from league because preacher plays for both teams (ksdk.com)
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Not that it will change the opinion of a single person one way or the other, but the prosecution's own records show the Zimmerman had two black eyes, a broken nose, and two cuts on the back of his head the night Trayvon Martin was shot (azcentral.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this powdered person (rit.edu)
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| |
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It's a bad day for an umpire when players are throwing their helmets and fans their beers at you (video) (deadspin.com)
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ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR, you ready for a prime time pirate drama? (hollywoodreporter.com)
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A new hero emerges in the quest to free OJ so that he can continue his search for the real killer (sacbee.com)
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Hulk want break in TV biz. Hulk have plan for new show. HULK SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH RATINGS (comingsoon.net)
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The US war on Alzheimer's. Never Forget (bbc.co.uk)
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JCPenney "every day" pricing causes loss of customers...every day (hosted.ap.org)
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Kurt Busch, who lost his ride at Penske following a series of outbursts last season is fined $50,000, placed on probation following his actions at Darlington. Furthermore, his ride has now been replaced with a 1994 Buick Skylark with no AC (espn.go.com)
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Slideshow of National Geographic's "Best Night Sky Pictures of 2012" (news.nationalgeographic.com)
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Voting. So easy a someone pretending to be a non-citizen who can't vote under US law can do it (hotair.com)
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Haitian immigrant, rescued at sea by the Coast Guard as a 6-year-old boy, will graduate from the US Coast Guard Academy 18 years later (ap.stripes.com)
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Brian De Palma to direct Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace in "I'll Be in My Bunk: The Movie" (comingsoon.net)
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Rachel Maddow: I hate when politicians don't read bills before passing them, unless it's Democrats doing it, then it's the best thing ever (newsbusters.org)
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New cut of beef discovered: "The flavor is comparable to the New York Strip Steak. It does not require aging or marinating to achieve tenderness." Kinda makes you wonder... What else have those damn cows been holding out on us? (gizmodo.com)
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Wal*Mart set to build Alabama location over burial plots of 80 slaves, stage most appropriate haunting in the South (nytimes.com)
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Adult Swim orders a Harold & Kumar animated series (deadline.com)
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67-year-old man dies after receiving lapdances. That's one way to get 10 dances in a row without paying (NSFW images below article) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Hey, Britney Spears, what's shaking? Oh... well, asked and answered, I guess (thesun.co.uk)
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As if being in WalMart isn't trauma enough, NJ man sues WalMart for $1 million after being "traumatized" by a 16-year-old's racist remark (hosted.ap.org)
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If you like dogs, you will love giant dogs (NSFW images below article) (dailymail.co.uk)
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University issues new contract requiring faculty to accept "Personal Lifestyle Pledge". Faculty members respond with "How about no? Does no work for you? And by the way, we're out of here " (jobs.aol.com)
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Black Jewish rapper Y-Love comes out of the closet, is only one square away from Oppressed Minority Bingo (marquee.blogs.cnn.com)
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Seattle Police Department claims Justice Department proposal is unreasonable, says it will be too expensive to stop its officers from randomly bludgeoning innocent people (seattlepi.com)
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Venture Beat uses FARK commentary in their article about the Error 37 Diablo III failure (venturebeat.com)
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Drugs harvested from Gila Monster saliva reduces cravings for chocolate and other foods, may revolutionize Type II Diabetes treatment (sciencedaily.com)
|
| (The Soup) |
|
The Soup credits Fark for bringing their attention to the Trololo Guy's latest antics (thesouptv.com)
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Duck falls down chimney, survives being on fire. The Sun is there with a variety of sauces (thesun.co.uk)
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Hello, Mr Subby. Sorry to bother you at home... Yes, I see you're on the do not call list, very wise these days, but this is a political poll -- we're exempt. Now then, would you care to purchase a time share? (foxnews.com)
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If you left $15k at Goodwill by accident, so did everyone else (stltoday.com)
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I said, NINETEEN-YEAR-OLD HOTTIE SUFFERS FROM "HATRED OF SOUND", SO KEEP IT DOWN PLEASE (w/pics) (dailymail.co.uk)
|
Tue May 15, 2012
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Gas leak shuts down elementary school. And on Taco Tuesday no less (wxyz.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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"Man gets 15 days for masturbating at Zellers." That's a lot of masturbation days (theguardian.pe.ca)
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Brits go on sunshine vacation, die (bbc.co.uk)
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Goodwill gets a new CEO. Early reports suggest she was lured in by an extremely generous used sweater and broken TV compensation package (jsonline.com)
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Subby Here, reporting from Chicago and...... Gahhhhhh..... my ears (huffingtonpost.com)
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Completing the somewhat rare Fark Hockey Greenlight Trifecta, at 9pm (Eastern) tonight the LA Kings try to go up 2-0 over the Phoenix Coyotes. Will they or will Phoenix even things up going into game 3? (tsn.ca)
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Photoshop this torch lighting (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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Rust Belt cities like Detroit and Cleveland are becoming more popular with young people eager to live in the present-day equivalent of "Blade Runner" (salon.com)
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Mike Smith says the Falcons need to change their playoff approach. Step 1 - score more than 2 points (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)
|
| (McClatchy) |
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Quietly, the Republican Party embraces gays, adjusts stance (mcclatchydc.com)
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Wall Street tycoon spends hundreds of millions trying to convince America it's broke and spending out of control (huffingtonpost.com)
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If a voice in the sky tells you to get off the bridge because a bear is coming, you don't worry about whether it's the Voice of God or just the bridge operator on a loudspeaker - you get the hell off the bridge (duluthnewstribune.com)
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The 15 most overpaid people in sports. What does it take to get to #1? A $30 million salary and an ass-kicking from Chris Evert (bleacherreport.com)
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First masseur who accused John Travolta of sexual assault gets rubbed out of lawsuit (thesmokinggun.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Wall Street Journal claims GM pulling $10 million ads from Facebook because they didn't work. In a related story, WSJ adjusts onion on belt (mashable.com)
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POTUS moistens up the ladies of The View by saying "It's always tight when you're Barack Obama." Hey Barbara Walters... how you doin'? (iheartchaos.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Need to fill up broadcast time on your local news station? Put a newschick inside a wind tunnel, crank it up, and call it a report on tornadoes. With video (wnem.com)
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In the eternal battle of good vs. evil, the Catholic Church has sometimes struggled to lead the forces of righteousness. Not in this case. Today, the Pope has won a major moral victory. A victory against...Benetton (news.yahoo.com)
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The Sixers get their first playoff win in Boston since 1982, when you would have had to read about it in the paper (news.yahoo.com)
|
| (Some Cuckoo Guy) |
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Knowing what birds think like, Turkey accuses bird of being an Israeli spy (timesofisrael.com)
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RAF performs perfect 'ER II' formation in skies over North Wales in preparation for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee (telegraph.co.uk)
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Jamie Dimon wants everyone to know that 23 million bucks stops with him (google.com)
|
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Special K Chocolate Delight has more calories than Cocoa Puffs (consumerist.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Git out yer tinfoil hats, boys. This hyar is a list o' lies that the gubment media tells 'bout us (gunsandammo.com)
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Flopping: Flop City vs Manu Ginobili - Too tough to call. Push. Clippers @ Spurs (Game 1 - 6:30PM PDT) (caller.com)
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April was the 326th consecutive month with above average global temperatures, but this of course in no way proves that global warming may be occuring (washingtonpost.com)
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"Hi. I'm Scott Walker. I reject your reality and substitute it with my own" (forbes.com)
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10 best time travel movies of all timelines (io9.com)
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Man swallows $20K diamond while robbing jewelry store, is locked in cell with no toilet as police play the waiting game (cbc.ca)
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Curt Schilling about to eat it (joystiq.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Insurance company tells man to remove colourful whirly-gigs from lawn because they're distracting drivers (thepeterboroughexaminer.com)
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Will Smith finally confirms that he is not a Scientologist (news.yahoo.com)
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Martha, fetch the shotgun: The trombonists are swarming (washingtonpost.com)
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Government mouthpiece China Daily: "Will [popular US ambassador] Gary Locke please disclose his personal assets?" China Daily readers: "Um, here's his financial disclosure statement, right here" (csmonitor.com)
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At age 38, Cleveland Indians pitcher Derek Lowe throws his fourth career complete game shutout, currently has a 6-1 record with an ERA of 2.05. Fark: The Atlanta Braves are still paying $10,000,000 of his $15,000,000 salary (scores.espn.go.com)
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Scientists now using body heat as an energy source. In a related story, Sofia Vergara has been reclassified as a nuclear reactor (stuff.co.nz)
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Sami Nasri (IAC) gives a special shout out to all the Arsenal fans during the EPL victory celebration: "They should celebrate their third-place achievement and I will focus on winning titles" (mirror.co.uk)
|
| (UFC) |
|
It's UFC on FUEL TV 3: The Korean Zombie vs. Dustin Poirier. Preliminary action starts at 5:30 ET on Facebook, Main card at 8:30 ET on Fuel TV (ufc.com)
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21 reasons why old time baseball ruled, including a time travelling Casey Affleck (buzzfeed.com)
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Kristen Stewart should never pose next to Charlize Theron again (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
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Mark Ronson says Amy Winehouse was "freaked out" by Adele's success, size (spinner.com)
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George W. Bush: Oh sure, what the hell. "I'm with Mitt Romney" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Too late to apologize...OneRepublic drummer arrested (bittenandbound.com)
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Romney: Debt is like a prairie fire. Scientists: Prairie Fires are actually an important part of the ecosystem that prevented the prairie from becoming forest. Also, American Prairie is almost non-existent these days (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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Just a quick FYI: If your crazy neighbor texts you at 3 in the morning to say that she wants to be cremated with her children, you might want to pop on over and make sure she doesn't have any guns in the house (cnn.com)
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You walk into your hotel room. There is a used condom on the floor. Do you demand a different room? Do you demand a free room? Do you write to the Consumerist and biatch about it? (consumerist.com)
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Monk, Casper lead College Football Hall of Fame class, no word if Pope and Marley were inducted (espn.go.com)
|
| (Houston Press) |
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Teacher fired after rant about Jesus, Mary Magdalene, UFOs and the Apocalypse, none of which was on the standardized test (blogs.houstonpress.com)
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Dog has perfect pitch; wants to try out for your band (wimp.com)
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"You really are not apologizing to me at all, are you? Here are 6 Types of Apologies That Aren't Apologies at All (cracked.com)
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Alex, I'll take "Chris Matthews will bomb on this show" for $200 (newsbusters.org)
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ESPN relaunches 30 for 30, this time with short films instead of full length documentaries. They start out with the most depressing goddamn film they have - a day in the life of Pete Rose (grantland.com)
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Jet's quarterbacks coach says Tebow has, "good mechanics." Wait a minute. That can't be right. Must be a typo.... No. Nope. He said it (espn.go.com)
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World exclusive Diablo III review (venturebeat.com)
|
| (Dacula Patch) |
|
LOL headline of the day: "Woman to Officer: 'Those Aren't My Pants'" (dacula.patch.com)
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Your official Error 37 thread continues... (fark.com)
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How Yahoo killed Flickr: In the billiard room, with the candlestick. Duh (gizmodo.com)
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Russia's break dance champion loses leg due to medical negligence (english.pravda.ru)
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Babies in walkers wielding lawn darts are coming to kill us all (cbc.ca)
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Polish hooliganism leaves two giraffes dead (seattlepi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kobe Bryant gives honest answer about Lakers vs Thunder. Tag is for reporters question (thatsfit.com)
|
| (Some non-federal worker) |
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It's good to be a federal worker (wusa9.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Suspect: I was running away because they were beating me. Cops: We were beating him because he was running away (dnj.com)
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| (SlashGear) |
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Siri: I'm sorry, did I say that the Lumia 900 4G by Nokia was the best smartphone? I'm sorry, I misunderstood your question. My mistake, won't happen again (slashgear.com)
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Ousted Yahoo CEO Scott Thompson will not receive any severance package for being forced to resign, and will have to make do with only the $7 million in cash and stock options he got paid four months ago (money.cnn.com)
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Jeff Flake (R-AZ 6) lives up to his name (washingtonpost.com)
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12 year old hands Bank of Canada its ass back to them cleaned and pressed (bloomberg.com)
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Headline: "Man Shot In Central Toledo". Story: "The victim was struck in the groin". Ladies and gentlemen, we now have a new euphemism (toledoblade.com)
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When a movie opens by dedicating itself "In loving memory of Kim Jong-Il," it's pretty safe to say all bets are off (nydailynews.com)
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Mississippi police would like to warn drivers that if an officer pulls you over and shoots you in the head, they most likely are not affiliated with any actual government organization (cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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US-Israel Security Cooperation Act passes almost unanimously. "Try as I might, I can't think of a single thing this "ally" has ever done for me, or any other American citizen, in my 57 years" (lewrockwell.com)
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Four years after the crash and three years after the biggest bailout in US history, Wall Street can still get away with losing billions in risky trades. Here's why (motherjones.com)
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| (AnnArbor.com) |
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The University of Michigan's Computer and Video Game Archive, where you can go play any of their games and which wants to collect every video and computer game ever made (annarbor.com)
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Wife calls Blagojevich's prison "one of the world's saddest places." The only thing that would make it sadder is one of the world's tiniest violins (news.yahoo.com)
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Dear France - Bailout Greece if you know what's good for you. Sincerely, Zeus (cnn.com)
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| (NBCNewYork) |
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Feds open probe into JPMorgan $2 billion trading loss (nbcnewyork.com)
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| (BizJournals) |
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Funny: "The Onion" claims that media savvy professionals working for fracking industry are being hired in droves to mislead the public. Fark: Media savvy professional working for fracking industry responds by misleading the public (bizjournals.com)
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President Obama: Economy, not gay marriage, will decide the vote. You Sir, are out of here (hosted.ap.org)
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Mississippi legislator gleefully describes returning to the age of coat hanger abortions as a "moral value". FARK: When asked to clarify his statement, he blames the blacks (maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Investor" is planning on putting his daughter's entire $25,000 college fund into Facebook IPO. "If it goes the Google route, I'll be in good shape" (businessinsider.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
Remember Valerie Plame? (powerlineblog.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
"Just because I'm a member of the Ku Klux Klan, anti-negro and anti-Jew, and want to hang sexual perpetrators without benefit of trial, doesn't mean that this would impact my performance as sheriff. Now please vote for me" (opposingviews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Boston Globe gets all paleface and buries correction of Elizabeth Warren Cherokee claim (networkedblogs.com)
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Ever notice that when you yawn, your dog yawns with you? Now there is science to back it up. Also, bet you can't finish reading this article without yawning (washingtonpost.com)
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MSNBC therapy column tries to explain why women don't like nice guys. Meanwhile, Twilight BDSM fan fiction continues to be a bestseller thanks to women living out their fantasy of....bad writing (today.msnbc.msn.com)
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CapCom will re-evaluate how to block on-disc content so they can sell it to you later (ign.com)
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What does a judge say to a 26-year-old who abandoned children to have sex with a 13-year old? a) life without parole. b) chemical castration. c) if you were male, I'd send you to prison, but instead here's a little probation (mysanantonio.com)
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Apparently unable to acquire pepper spray, moms dressed in combat boots and military fatigues spray Lysol on dirty dancing teens at prom (thesmokinggun.com)
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Okinawa celebrates 40 years of independence from America, where independence is apparently defined as having one gigantic U.S. air base on your territory (japantoday.com)
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| (Twitchy) |
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Out: centrist third party; In: centrist emo party (twitchy.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't you just hate it when the neighbors are all up in your business? Especially if you're a burglar and the neighbor is an off-duty cop (dacula.patch.com)
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It's not really Mother's Day until the whole family goes to jail after a bar fight (desmoinesregister.com)
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The filibuster is unconstitutional, and the best lawyer in America is suing to get the Supreme Court to abolish it (washingtonpost.com)
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Just when you thought President Obama couldn't get any gayer (gawker.com)
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Times sure have changed when an egg fight between neighbors ends up in the death of a high school superstar athlete (mysanantonio.com)
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2004: Democrats complain about Republicans using gay marriage as a wedge issue. 2012: Republicans complain about Democrats using gay marriage as a wedge issue (slate.com)
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Most exaggerated strike three call of all-time (deadspin.com)
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From the Romero Institute, report finds that for-profit hospitals are pushing patients out too early. Chain restaurants nod in approval. Sick Tag is for how you left the hospital (huffingtonpost.com)
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Remember those postal workers who were upset about having to deliver to nudists? Well, turns out they never saw anyone nude and were just retaliating over complaints about their inability to deliver mail correctly and in a timely fashion (wtkr.com)
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"I predict in the year 2020, New York and other enlightened states will decriminalize the world's oldest profession, namely prostitution. And I'd like to give a shout-out to Billy Ray Cyrus" (myfoxdc.com)
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First appearance of the Judean People's Front, high school students succumb to pier pressure, and Oden keeps his alcohol problems loki: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/6 - 5/12 (fark.com)
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1) Get your Fark on at work (businessnewsdaily.com)
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"Obama's gay marriage stance could hurt him" say news outlets that have exhausted their quota for the words "may" and "might" (abcnews.go.com)
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5 Reasons America Is In Decline...1 - Democrats 2 - Liberal Democrats 3 - Progressive Democrats 4 - Socialist Democrats 5 - RINO Democrats (townhall.com)
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When you need an erection in the woods, don't forget Dick's (marketwatch.com)
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| (Business Insider) |
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The President is not eligible to serve. No, not that one. This one (businessinsider.com)
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If record covers used stock photos (shortlist.com)
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Study says 1 In 3 sleepwalk. Does that include dazed walking to the kitchen for coffee in the morning? (thedenverchannel.com)
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The Obama Administration is threatening states who voted against him by using their water supply against them, claims someone who just watched Dr. Strangelove and thought it was a documentary (wnd.com)
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The GOP is just a few derps away from losing the Senate for a generation (politico.com)
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Haha, that was an awesome prank, buddy. You totally showed me. I'll call 911 now so that we can get you to the hospital and dig that bullet out of your chest (abc2news.com)
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900-year-old skulls found buried in Florida backyard has officials scratching their heads (dailymail.co.uk)
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Rush Limbaugh inducted into "The Hall Of Famous Missourians". Predictably, Democrats get wadded panties over this. Chill, guys, he really IS famous. It's not like he got the Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing, after all (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Rachel Held Evans.com) |
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News: when asked for one word to primarily describe Christianity, 91% of young non-Christians answer "antihomosexual." Fark: so do 80% of Christians (rachelheldevans.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Was Tim Burton ever a good director? (news.moviefone.com)
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| (640 WHLO) |
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Cops find gun and naked Barbie dolls inside creeper's car (640whlo.com)
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Tampa Bay pitcher Jeff Niemann is tougher than you (espn.go.com)
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Brad Richards gives 2 shiats in Rangers victory over the Devils. That poor zamboni (deadspin.com)
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Road rage showdown: Stun gun v. baseball bat (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)
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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-04-29 to Sat 2012-05-05 (fark.com)
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U.S. military now running lean and mean after spending $363 million on weight loss surgery (wsbtv.com)
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Washington Harpers OF Bryce Harper Harpers his first Home Harper, leaving him just 761 Harpers short of the Major Harper League record for Harpers, 762, set by former San Franharper Harper Barry "Bryce Harper's biatch" Bonds (thestar.com)
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Henry Kissinger subjected to "the full Monty" of groping while at TSA checkpoint at LaGuardia airport. In other news, Henry Kissinger still alive (foxnews.com)
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Mitt Romney is afraid to say anything about the JP Morgan scandal because he wants people to forget he's a fan of big business (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Oh boy, candy corn. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. OH GOD, MY TEEF (neatorama.com)
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Air Force accidentally fills entire hangar with foam. Sheriff Carter is NOT going to be happy about this (gizmodo.com)
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Liberal media refuses to give microphone to those who claim the media isn't liberal (washingtonpost.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Fark-ready headline: "Labor board says Boner retaliated against pair" Bonus: Boss says he wouldn't have sexually harassed fired workers because they weren't "young and pretty" enough (dnj.com)
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Judge reinstates Apple's suit against Samsung tablets. Thousands of lawyers rejoice (reuters.com)
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"Hey Shawn, can you do me a favor?" (news.yahoo.com)
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Fark ready headline: Australian shooter Russell Mark to wear mankini at opening ceremony of London Olympics as bet backfires (shortlist.com)
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| (CBS Sports) |
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NHL conference semifinals set all-time record for television ratings (cbssports.com)
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JPMorgan CEO Jamie "Who the f*ck do you think you are?" Dimon stripped of his board chairmanship and smug-ass grin (latimes.com)
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Will Smith weighs in on French tax policy. Yes, that Will Smith (slate.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
With Facebook net revenue topping $4 billion a year, clearly the worth company is worth over $100 billion total (slashgear.com)
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When selling your computer, you might think you've wiped out all your personal data from the computer's hard drive. But did you remember to do the same thing to your printer? (azfamily.com)
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| (NBCMiami) |
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How you like that? Miami fire captain demoted for disparaging Facebook post about Trayvon Martin (nbcmiami.com)
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You won't BELIEVE what we packed into this video. CEOs Gone Wild. Watch in horror as old white men do lines of coke off a hooker's ass (cnbc.com)
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Mitt Romney's old job is turning into the Bain of his existence (politico.com)
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Torii Hunter's son arrested for playing in the minors (espn.go.com)
|
| (Biz Journals) |
|
Not only does Arizona now allow bosses to veto your birth control, the state also agrees that you owe debt collectors whatever they wish (bizjournals.com)
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Mitt Romney signed the country's only permanent assault weapons ban into law. The NRA's top lobbyist is an elderly grandmother and a registered Democrat. Remember, it's the Dems who want to take your guns (bloomberg.com)
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Greece chooses to continue not collecting taxes, rather than pay their debts. Germany seen preparing das boot (guardian.co.uk)
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The Season 7 finale of How I Met Your Mother was probably the best episode of the series yet (Warning: Spoilers) (tvrecaps.ew.com)
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Theme: Awful tribute bands (fark.com)
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Forbes names "the worst CEO of a large publicly traded American company today," and four others who should already be fired. Subby suggests firing whoever split this into 3 pages (forbes.com)
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Attention Fark moderators: Please don't green-light this. I beg you (buzzfeed.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Here are 79 examples of Barack Obama's corruption, lying, lawbreaking, and cronyism (danfromsquirrelhill.wordpress.com)
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| |
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Having already built up a 6-game lead in the NL West, the Los Angeles Dodgers decide to even things up by playing without Matt Kemp for 15 days (espn.go.com)
|
| (Some Disappointed Guy) |
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Howard Stern's 'America's Got Talent' debut proves to be... fairly tame and professional. Hey, it had to happen eventually (aceshowbiz.com)
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Ninety laxatives a day ruined my body -- along with my underwear, my sheets, my rugs, my carpool van (thesun.co.uk)
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Retail sales PROBABLY slowed. Maybe. Perhaps. Fark it, we don't know, we fired the guy who ran those numbers (businessweek.com)
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| (Taste of Country) |
|
Taylor Swift fans miss concert because of drunk driver. Weeping messenger bluebirds dispatched; Swift's woodland headquarters immediately goes on Rainbow Alert (tasteofcountry.com)
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Barack Obama, the first female president (washingtonpost.com)
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| (NBCNewYork) |
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First a NYC janitor graduates from Columbia. Now a NYC janitor saves a kid from a would-be kidnapper. Is there anything a janitor can't do? (nbcnewyork.com)
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 |
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Serena Williams calls other male tennis players "weenies" (msn.foxsports.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Actual headline: "Vatican mystery intensifies: Bones found in grave." Oh, sure, it may seem obvious to everyone here on Fark, but Dan Brown will be laughing all the way to the bank (staradvertiser.com)
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| |
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Canadian lacrosse match turns into major brawl, to the delight of all 6 spectators (youtube.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Defence Secretary warns that EMP bombs could cripple Nanny State's vital fleet of television detector vans (techweekeurope.co.uk)
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Newspaper editor rips off local blogger post and reprints it verbatim. Blogger takes camera to newspaper and confronts the editor and gets $500 for violating his copyright (gizmodo.com)
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| (KOTV) |
|
Protip: If you're going to be bounty hunters, make sure that A: You have the right address, and B: You and your buddy don't already have outstanding warrants on your own heads (newson6.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Enough is enough. I have had it with these motherfarking snakes in this motherfarking Walmart (standard.net)
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Are you ready for a bit more Fry and Laurie? (deadline.com)
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Yo Eagle, we heard you liked ruptured achilles so we ruptured your achilles while you were recovering from your ruptured achilles so you can miss the entire season while you're missing the entire season (espn.go.com)
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New Jersey douchebag community is seeing orange over underage tanning ban (cbsnews.com)
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Nanny state sends police to a toddler's birthday party because. A) Parents got in a fight. B) Pedophile was present. C) Mom tried to light the candles (thesun.co.uk)
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LOL, school makes students sign pledge to not write acronyms in their yearbooks. OMG, TSNF (wsbtv.com)
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Twenty-two movie characters casually dismissed in sequels. Game over, Hicks (avclub.com)
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You won't even need a penis after this car (techeblog.com)
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According to some guy's book, the Zodiac Killer is a 91-year-old dude still living in Northern California (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Fasten your seatbelts for a ride in the Failborghini (liveleak.com)
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The Nerds have accomplished the equivalent of Sherman's March in their war against Jocks. Revenge is ours (boingboing.net)
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Man cares for Maine's largest elm tree since 1956, until it died 2 years ago. When his "turn came" at 103, he's buried in a casket made from its wood (hosted.ap.org)
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Piranhaconda. That is all (gizmodo.com)
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Comic art legend Neal Adams to draw X-Men prequel mini-series starring Wolverine and a Nazi-hunting Magneto. No word yet whether the Expanding Earth Theory will be involved (io9.com)
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"Unsourcing" the latest trend in big corporation customer service, which sounds suspiciously like letting the customers fend for themselves in figuring out how to fix the crap they've been sold (economist.com)
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When a company has a monopoly they can raise power rates for the 7th time in 11 years and then throw a lavish party the next day (cbc.ca)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Fruit truck bursts into flames. IT'S AN EXPLOSION OF FLAVOR (blog.ctnews.com)
|
Mon May 14, 2012
| (Sports Pickle) |
|
Youth football coaches complain that anti-bullying campaigns are leaving them without linemen. Don't worry, guys. It gets better (sportspickle.com)
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Eighteen-year-old hottie makes incredible recovery from brain tumor operation which left her unable to walk, talk or eat. She's now studying to be a teacher, presumably to have sex with her students (w/pics) (thesun.co.uk)
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And I can still hear my old hound dog barkin',.......Chasin' down a hoodoo there.....Chasin' down a hoodoo there.... Dead on the Bayou (tv.yahoo.com)
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Edible chocolate brains created from MRI scan data. THAT'S how we can manage the zombie apocalypse (laughingsquid.com)
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The oldest cars still in production (jalopnik.com)
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If you think baby names are getting stupider than ever, you can thank reality TV and religion (sfgate.com)
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If you recently stole $500k worth of discarded medical equipment from outside a pathology lab in Orlando, police would like to have a word with you about the flesh eating virus you're now contaminated with (articles.orlandosentinel.com)
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You have chosen to be on the wrong side of history and I do not support your run for president any longer (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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NASA releases its latest simulated flyover--Vesta (apod.nasa.gov)
|
| (Spaceflight Now) |
|
NASA astronaut Joe Acaba and two cosmonauts are launching tonight to the ISS at 11:01 p.m. EDT from the Baikonur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan; follow countdown progress with live video here (spaceflightnow.com)
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To the distant, tearful strains of the world's smallest violin, we learn that Facebook is cutting into the hard-earned SMS profits of carriers (news.yahoo.com)
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Whoever wrote Kim Kardashian's IMDB bio is a national treasure (uproxx.com)
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Unable to win an Immunity Challenge, "Survivor" sinks to historic lows in the ratings (tvweek.com)
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Ne-Yo says he did not steal from The Game, though we all just lost it (tmz.com)
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For a second day one question is on the mind of New Zealanders: Should married women drink beer? (stuff.co.nz)
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Chesapeake CEO says he'd welcome Icahn, has cheezburger (ajc.com)
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New photos from "Total Recall" remake. SEE YOU AT THE PARTY, RICHTER (comingsoon.net)
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"The solution to the problems must ultimately be found outside the American political system and will not be solved until America's rich and elderly become either less fearful or more generous." Well, we're boned (cnn.com)
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Pocahontas the stripper wanted for murder, robbery, aiding and abetting John Smith (khou.com)
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Dale Hunter steps down as coach of Washington Capitals. Team captain Alex Ovechkin looking forward to playing more than 15 minutes a game (washingtonpost.com)
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NBA Playoffs, Round 2: Can Philly justify the fact they're even in the 2nd round? Will the Lakers be able to bring it against the younger, faster, and better-coached Thunder? Tip-off at 7pm EDT, trash talk starts now (espn.go.com)
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It's farking war, baby (8:00 PM eastern, NBC Sports Network) (scores.espn.go.com)
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Microsoft-funded startup thinks it can stop piracy. Isn't that cute? (forbes.com)
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John Edwards' defense rests on the definition of a single word. Surprisingly, that word is not "douchebag" (gma.yahoo.com)
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New research indicates an as yet undiscovered planet may be orbiting at the dark fringes of our solar system (news.nationalgeographic.com)
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Newsweek: Obama is our first gay president. Salon: Not so fast there (salon.com)
|
| (*ACHOO*) |
|
Berkeley Lab finds a means to make viruses generate electricity. This science is brought to you with a shot of Dayquil (newscenter.lbl.gov)
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The Huffington Post tips its hat to Fark for directing their attention to a story about mental health questions. Yes, we cover a lot of those stories here (huffingtonpost.com)
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Thor delivers uncomfortable news to a radio listener who won't get his Asgard off the couch (gammasquad.uproxx.com)
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What do you think your favorite characters of ongoing TV shows would post on Facebook or Twitter? (fark.com)
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President Obama didn't feel like doing the Moonwalk today. HEE HEE (politicker.com)
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Finally, with student debt topping $1 trillion, college presidents are waking up and recognizing that they might have to handle education costs through methods other than tuition increases. Maybe think about following a budget and things (nytimes.com)
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Not News: An illegal alien with $14K in income paid no taxes. News: He received a refund of $10K from the IRS. Fark: Nearly three quarters of tax returns filed by illegal aliens received such tax credits. Taxpayer Cost: $Billions (examiner.com)
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Not even the Avengers can save gold at this point (marketwatch.com)
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Future Sacramento mayor: "When you have a guy on death row endorsing you, you have to be somewhat proud of that" (foxnews.com)
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The highway in Atlanta that opened up the emergency lane to traffic today? Yeah, that went well. "Just one more lane for people to drive stupid in." "It increased the commute by 25 minutes." Bonus: Giant arrested (wsbtv.com)
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Frickin' Zombies with Dice, and Wheaton is Winning (youtube.com)
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Young boy stages simple but effective counter-protest against Westboro Baptist Church (cjonline.com)
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Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan talks about the show's final season: "We're gonna do our damnedest to make this thing end with a blast and end on a high note" (digitalspy.com)
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Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework? You're entering a world of pain, son. You're killing your father, Larry. You might want to look out that window (sltrib.com)
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Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel bring sexy back for kiss cam at Lakers game (eonline.com)
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Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just... oh, that is just a gun in your pocket (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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RON PAUL to suspend campaigning. Will return to his Texas lair to plan his takeover of the GOP convention in Tampa (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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When reading tweets live on air, make sure they're not being shown before you change important details (youtube.com)
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Tonight on WWE Monday Night Raw and Order, Triple H discusses contract law with Paul Heyman, John Cena hires a divorce attorney, and Senile Vince fires Serena Southerlyn for being a lesbian. 9 PM on USA *DOINK DOINK* (withleather.uproxx.com)
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NASA is soliciting space station experiments. Photoshop a proposal (LGTA) (news.yahoo.com)
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Tim Tebow: Asked to high school prom by cute blonde, request denied. Joe Haden: Asked to high school prom by Tony Siragusa, makes dreams come true (sports.yahoo.com)
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State of New York belatedly realizes it might not have been a great idea to let wife-killer decide where her ashes would be scattered (buffalonews.com)
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Obama releases 2-minute ad on Romney's time at Bain Capital: "They were like a vampire; they came in and sucked the life out of us" (politico.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
The best llama haircuts you will see all day. Bonus: one looks suspiciously like David Spade (thestar.blogs.com)
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| (foodiggity.com) |
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The Good, the Bad, and the Mummy: How the General Mills cereal monsters succeeded and failed (foodiggity.com)
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| (MequonNow) |
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"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man who's had ALL he could eat?" (mequonnow.com)
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Noel Gallagher: "I cried like a baby when Manchester City won the Premier League." Here comes Liam Gallagher to give him a noogie and a swirlie (nme.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Lincoln Journal Star bestows praise upon not one, but two Fark sports headlines (4th section) (journalstar.com)
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I guess smoking is bad for you in more way than you thought with mugshot goodness (jacksonville.com)
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Time-travelling plane crashed in prehistoric Canada. It's a good thing they brought their own weapons (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Twitchy) |
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Weird Al Yankovic invites fans to call him at something called a "pay phone" (twitchy.com)
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"China 'instant buildings' - Just add labour, fireworks and a cow" Gary Larson approves (uk.reuters.com)
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JP Morgan investment chief gets deregulated (money.cnn.com)
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Facebook's IPO is so big, it will balance California's budget (economist.com)
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Fourteen year old girls posing topless on webcam, brought to you by Rogers, Bank of Montreal, Tim Hortons, and Home Depot (cbc.ca)
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And this, kids, is why you should stay away from plastic surgery. Caution: Possible keyboard ruining pictures (warning: some sidebar ads may be NSFW) (thesun.co.uk)
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Why are an increasing number of women robbing banks? Because that's where the money is (thedailybeast.com)
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Josh Hamilton is on pace to win the triple crown. Only one problem, he has never finished a season without an injury. Will he do it this year? Taking bets to the right (espn.go.com)
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Turns out, John Edwards isn't just a douchebag. He's a major douchebag (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Dollar store signals the beginning of the end of Vermontiness (telegram.com)
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Creepy: Finding two dead bodies while you're flying a kite. Really Creepy: They are wearing raincoats, lead masks, and carrying a note about taking pills and waiting for something to happen (ramblingbeachcat.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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New pro-vegan children's book teaches that eating meat will destroy the Earth and everyone we love. Naturally, some experts have a problem with this (kripalu.org)
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"JP Morgan more or less invented risk management. If they can't do it, no bank can. And no sensible regulator can ever trust the banks to self-regulate." Sure, now you tell us (washingtonpost.com)
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Adventures in false equivalency, right-wing blogodome edition: Joe Biden used to beat up neighborhood bullies as a child, so that means it's totally OK for Mitt Romney to scalp a kid because he's gay (wonkette.com)
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| (Spectator UK) |
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Cutting taxes, cutting government, cutting welfare is economic suicide. Just look at what it's done to Sweden (spectator.co.uk)
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New book on the CIA and their techniques. Bonus: Best Koreans will betray their country for a copy of Hustler (dailymail.co.uk)
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OregonLive.com gives credit to Fark for featuring a story about Social Security benefits (oregonlive.com)
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World's saddest iPhone app lets you date, kiss and move in with computerised versions of boy band One Direction (ok.co.uk)
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NY Rep Peter King (R-eality impaired) claims that there is no racial profiling going on in New York. The fact that NYPD managed to stop and frisk more black people than there are living in NY is just a happy coincidence (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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More proof that Jared Weaver is one of the better personalities in baseball (mlb.mlb.com)
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As we have sanitized our public schools from prayer, from displays of the Ten Commandments, from any teaching that can be associated with biblical sources, we've put government monopoly power behind moral relativism (townhall.com)
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There will always be an England (bloomberg.com)
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"Man's best friend" can also be "World's best photobomber" (with pics) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Survivor concludes with only hot women in the finals. In other news, Mark Burnett continues to troll America for 24 seasons (nj.com)
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Bad news: you've forgotten to log out of Facebook at an internet café. The worst news: you've also just robbed the place (shortlist.com)
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Can you keep a secret? American veterans prefer a Muslim over a Mormon (news.yahoo.com)
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What happens when that crack-smoking analyst injects his stash into a crazier analyst? This (cnbc.com)
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"Answer me: Who taught you how to text while driving?" "FROM YOU, ALRIGHT? I learned it by watching you" (washingtonpost.com)
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Eight times that a Vice President did something that really mattered (slate.com)
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The Tea Party may throw Mitch McConnell out of his leadership post for being too compromising with the Democrats (salon.com)
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NJ bank robbed by Death in sweatpants (nj.com)
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Mitt Romney wants to make it legal for you to hunt, shoot, and protect your family. You probably can't do all three at once though (i.imgur.com)
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Hello? Yes, this is loser (techeblog.com)
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Armed robbers tell tow truck driver "Your money or your wife." Hubby won't be getting any sugar for the next fifty years (miamiherald.com)
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Mena Suvari's soon-to-be ex-husband demands $17,000 per month in spousal support. Ain't equality grand? (tmz.com)
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NBA commissioner David Stern, who can move franchises to a new city, veto trades and force injured players to wear suits wants people to think he can't do anything about flopping (deadspin.com)
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The 26-year-old ex-fiancée of Hugh Hefner offers advice on how to bag a rich older man (news.com.au)
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| (Fox Sports Local) |
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6 games, 8 home runs, 14 RBI. RIP Josh Hamilton's bat (foxsportssouthwest.com)
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"I kissed her breasts and nipples, as there was no place for my face to go." Why Salt Lake City vice unit had to be disbanded (sltrib.com)
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Mainstream republicans got a preview last weekend of how much chaos and trouble Ron Paul could cause at the RNC, and it's scaring the crap out of them. RON PAUL (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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What surprising about Wall Street being run by greedy psychopaths is that anyone is surprised by it (nytimes.com)
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| (Some Slick Guy) |
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New study says that looks matter more than reputation when it comes to trusting people with your money. Obvious tag explodes, leaving its ex-wife broke, sitting next to a mistress at the funeral and having to file Chapter 13 (medicalxpress.com)
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| (NBCDFW) |
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Hundreds memorialize slain, rare white buffalo (nbcdfw.com)
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| (Blogmaverick) |
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Mark Cuban calls bullshiat on the college credentialing racket: "I want people who can do the job. I want the best and brightest. Not a piece of paper." Duke is about to suck more than it has ever sucked before (blogmaverick.com)
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Buffalo rampages through house, streets and kindergarten. Still can't win Super Bowl (huffingtonpost.com)
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Can a state force anti-psychotic medication on a death row inmate so they can execute him? Only in Texas (slate.com)
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Atlanta traffic engineers come up with novel way to alleviate road congestion: open up the emergency lanes for regular drivers. What could possibly go wrong? (wrcbtv.com)
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"After the media went ballistic on me, I received an e-mail offering me money not to preach at all until the November presidential election."; Wright said, "Barack wanted to meet me in secret, in a secure place" (nypost.com)
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Seven ridiculously expensive cat and dog breeds. Subby's rescued shelter cat sprays her ammonic mist of disgust all over them all (mnn.com)
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Ever wonder where the irreplaceable 4000 hours of Carson's Tonight Show tapes are immaculately stored? (nypost.com)
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March 2012: Oil rises on Greek debt fears. May 2012: Oil falls on Greek debt fears (bloomberg.com)
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With Iran struggling to turn a profit on their oil exports thanks to sanctions, Saudi Arabia decides now is a great time to start a price war on oil (washingtonpost.com)
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Thousands march in Spain to protest austerity, unemployment, running of bulls being changed to running of the calves (cbsnews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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One of the most winning F1 drivers in history is punished for not being able to comprehend how bad an F1 purchased-seat driver can be (planetf1.com)
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Weakening euro has officials beginning to consider a Greek exit. Looks like like we're not through with all that Santorum mess just yet (bloomberg.com)
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MLB drops 100-game suspension of Rockies' catcher Eliezer Alfonzo, citing practice of Braun over brains (sports.espn.go.com)
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Lesbian schoolgirl couple denied admission to prom at Catholic high school, with pics (kentucky.com)
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72.5% of U.S. mothers now check Facebook daily for friend updates, wall postings, to see what their husband is claiming for his relationship status (pcworld.com)
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Facebook to become even more creepy, but it's okay because they'll be giving your data to people who want to stalk you for your own good. With pic of what Zuck might look like if he were receiving oral pleasure from the technology press (pcworld.com)
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If you can't argue with Paul Krugman on economics, why not complain about how he doesn't like your opinion instead? (thedailybeast.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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NASA to play real life asteroids (asianage.com)
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Contraceptive implants may prevent repeat teen pregnancies. Finally, something to offset the effects that breast implants had on getting them pregnant in the first place (cnbc.com)
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Kony-Kony-Kony-Kony Kommander Kaptured (news.yahoo.com)
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Facebook planning to stop taking orders for its IPO two days ahead of schedule. SO STOP POKING ME - MZ (bloomberg.com)
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Study suggests that if you identify with a fictional character, you may become more like them. However, it doesn't seem to work for all those people who read about Jesus (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)
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"For any passengers who've not visited London before, do please prepare yourselves for the capital's overwhelmingly calm and relaxing pace of life" (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Farker abkaiser) |
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Another Farker wrote a book. Think Raymond Chandler fused with Douglas Adams. Free to read for Amazon Prime subscribers, and very cheap for the rest of the world (amazon.com)
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| (Movies.com) |
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George Lucas is altering the deal. Pray he does not alter it any further (movies.com)
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Gary Glitter returns to 'Top Of The Pops' (thesun.co.uk)
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Forty-nine headless and handless bodies found along Mexican highway. Seriously did they have a flatbed to dump all those bodies? How did nobody see this happen? (sacbee.com)
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This may be a shock to you, but humorist, author and storyteller David Sedaris may have made up a few things (washingtonpost.com)
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Vintage camera sells at auction for $2.8 million (news.yahoo.com)
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Kodak bankruptcy goodies: Kodak name, a plethora of patents, weapons grade nuclear reactor hidden in basement in NY (gizmodo.com)
|
| (KABB) |
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2008: City installs beautiful fountain in middle of roundabout. 2012: City finally decides to remove eyesore of a fountain from middle of roundabout due to it being hit by cars 26 times in 3 1/2 years (foxsanantonio.com)
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Best photo gallery of Manchester City drama you'll see all day, and it isn't a slideshow (dailymail.co.uk)
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Japan will have no kids under age 15 by 3011. EVERYBODY PANIC (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Recipe for disaster: Start digging underground parking lot AFTER you've finished constructing an apartment building and people have moved in (w/photos) (dailymail.co.uk)
|
Sun May 13, 2012
| (Some Guy) |
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Scary: Man falls into 160-foot deep crevasse. Hardcore: Calmly takes pictures while waiting to be rescued, walks away uninjured (kgw.com)
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Transgender model wants Khloe Kardashian to pay $150,000 for beating her up outside a bar. With picture of transg--no, wait, that's Khloe (dailymail.co.uk)
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ABC brings on renowned expert on the sanctity of marriage. That's right, Eliot Spitzer (newsbusters.org)
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Welcome everyone, to this years Mother's day P&C event. If you have not done so already, please collect your bag of complimentary chocolate penises from the registration table (news.com.au)
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Gunmen kill senior Afghan peace negotiator (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Bad news for those of you who have invested all your money in corn (desmoinesregister.com)
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Jurors going home and conducting their own "scientific" experiments have become a growing problem (palmbeachpost.com)
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Dear Los Angeles Farkers, If you're hiking this weekend in the hills above Burbank, and you come across an armed and suicidal FBI agent, give me a call, I seem to have misplaced mine, thank you -- Janet (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Your Yahoo search "CEO" yielded no results (chicagotribune.com)
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After 12 years, fifty-two year old immigrant janitor finally earns his degree from the Ivy League school at which he works. FARK: With the degree he chose, janitor is probably about the only job that he'll be able to get (ajc.com)
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Trailer for J.J. Abrams new show, Revolution... looks a lot better than Alcatraz (io9.com)
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Guilt-stricken thief returns hydrangeas he stole for his mom on Mother's Day ... in 1958 (wtsp.com)
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How high will RVD be? Will Jeff Hardy be even higher? What is the over/under on how many times Hulk Hogan will say "Brother"? Come relive the dying days of WCW on TNA Sacrifice, live on PPV at 8 PM (bleacherreport.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man gets 10 years for 19th DUI. With good behavior, he'll be working on number 20 in five years (fox8.com)
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Is the City of Angels becoming SportsTown USA or will the Kings gets bit by the Coyotes. Game 1, 8pm ET, NBCS/TSN (sports.yahoo.com)
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Bad news - "Community" moves to the Friday Night Death Slot. Worse news - its lead-in will be "Whitney." This is the darkest timeline (insidetv.ew.com)
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Newsweek declares Obama the first gay President, which makes sense considering that Bill Clinton was the first black President (abcnews.go.com)
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Lead Shrink on D.S.M. 4 says, "D.S.M. 5 promises to be a disaster that will medicalize normality, introduce Har Har Finks" (nytimes.com)
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Optometrist warns emo haircuts covering one eye could result in generation of young whiny people with lazy eyes (news.com.au)
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Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer signs legislation permitting employers to interrogate female employees about contraception use. Do you object? You must be a harlot (rawstory.com)
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Man City miracle finish secures their first League title since 1968 (bbc.co.uk)
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| (doctorwhotv) |
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Doctor Who's eleventh incarnation becomes a puppet (doctorwhotv.co.uk)
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This's week's SHMHC brings you back to 1985 with Circle of the Tyrants from metal gods Celtic Frost. Come for metal as it was meant to be played. Stay for upside down cross faced guy in the crowd (you can't miss him) (youtube.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Extremely serious photos of extremely serious writers (flavorwire.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farker wrote a zombie book. Free to read for Amazon Prime subscribers (amazon.com)
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Dalai Lama fears being eaten by sharks, lack of total consciousness (thedailybeast.com)
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Yarr....Dutch court fires broadside right into the mizzen mast of the Pirate Party. Legal experts expect them to drop anchor and shiver their timbers and I can't remember any other pirate terms right now (bbc.co.uk)
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A survey for Mother's Day: what was the nicest thing your mom ever did for you? (fark.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teens walk on old people's lawns. Old people take teen's jobs in record numbers. Old people can afford nicer lawns. And the circle of life is complete (post-gazette.com)
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Mom gives birth to baby from sex with daughter's teenage boyfriend. If the kids get married this one will put some knots in the family tree (ktla.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Latest electoral college map puts Obama at 290 and Romney at 161, with 87 toss ups, meaning Obama wins even if Romney wins all toss ups. Fark: This map comes directly from Karl Rove's website (businessinsider.com)
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Pity the poor professional voice-over actor, who's getting squeezed between high-priced celebrities and Internet amateurs (washingtonpost.com)
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Ohio man sets world record for fist pumping, after fist pumping for 16 hours. He broke the old world record for fist pumping, set by your mom last night (ohio.com)
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Cuddle up next to your mom and watch the Orioles vs Rays, Indians vs Red Sox, Braves vs Cardinals and more. It's your Mother's Day Sunday MLB Discussion Thread (scores.espn.go.com)
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Obvious tag surrenders, facepalms itself into oblivion (wrcbtv.com)
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The ten worst box office hits of all time. It's still sad to realize so many of us got duped into watching The Phantom Menace (hitfix.com)
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Powdered Toast-Man would be on the team (io9.com)
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Lesbian couple faces hurdles raising quadruplets, presumably because their lesbian hotness causes them to have nonstop hot lesbian sex (usatoday.com)
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New released behind-the-scenes photos from Empire Strikes Back, like Leia making out with a Gamorrean guard. You know, like in that porn fanfic you wrote (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Ric Romero) |
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Did you know you can watch TV in your lap now? The future is *HERE*. I'm Ric Romero (abclocal.go.com)
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The arrest of a punk band with one of the greatest band names ever highlights a major conflict in Russian politics and culture going on now: the Russian Orthodox church vs. people who think they've become toadies for Putin (news.yahoo.com)
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How a US soldier got his Pastafarian dogtags. Come for the pirate regalia, stay for His noodly appendage (boingboing.net)
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The Avengers has just crossed the $1 billion mark after earning $103 million this weekend and is, again, #1 at the box office. Dark Shadows was #2 with $28.8 million (deadline.com)
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Brits prefer to hoist a pint with a mate within stumbling distance of home to hoisting one at home while having a little sherman tank/ barclay bank/ peddle and crank/Thomas Tank in front of the telly (upi.com)
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The Shearwater, the Pipit, and the Gonshaw are all real animals that live in Great Britain, and the last is a notorious nest raider (bbc.co.uk)
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In celebration of Mother's Day, here's a list of nineteen of TV's best moms and, for some reason, the insipid Roseanne (ew.com)
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| |
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The Law of Unintended Consequences in action: Alabama farmers forced to plant fewer crops because they can't find enough Real 'Mericans to work the fields for the harvest (wrcbtv.com)
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I have some bad news... for Obama (dailymail.co.uk)
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Wedge issues, victory laps, macho symbolism... It appears Obama is using the GOP's playbook against it. Well, shooting hoops may not be as macho as clearing brush, but it's a start (huffingtonpost.com)
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Team of specialist archaeologists spend three months creating replica of Bronze Age boat, only to work out that a boat specialist may have been fractionally more useful (bbc.co.uk)
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| |
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The Clippers try to keep the LA streak alive in a Game 7 with the Grizzlies, while the Pacers try to chill out the Heat at the start. NBA playoff action starts at 1 ET on ABC (sports.yahoo.com)
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| (daily telegraph) |
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Australian singer claims Alabama ripped off his song. Let's play the two tunes side by side and compare (dailytelegraph.com.au)
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Britain's got talented ... dog (bbc.co.uk)
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Instashop Theme: It's Mother's Day? I'm going to need a card (google.com)
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Cutest first pitch failure in history. No, don't try to hit it (youtube.com)
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There was a demon that lived on the salt flats... At 75, Craig Breedlove is going to try for 800mph (nytimes.com)
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Blind New Jersey man wins legal battle to shoot guns after judge doesn't see a problem with it (dailymail.co.uk)
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Woman successfully sues for $80,000 after getting burned by hot chicken broth. "She came around the corner, and the cart was right there in the doorway. She bumped her shin on it and fell into the containers" (buffalonews.com)
|
| (Doubtful News) |
|
Doubtful News thanks Fark for the story about a very lucky lottery winner (bonus - FARK comments quoted in the story) (skeptic.com)
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This sexy javelin thrower from Paraguay will make you forget all about that sexy pole vaulter from California (thesun.co.uk)
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Stressed-out college students get puppy therapy (usatoday.com)
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Why is it so hip for restaurants to embrace serving locally grown food but they won't serve locally made wine? (mnn.com)
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| |
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Beauty pageant officials strip Miss Fiji of crown for not looking native enough. There's got to be something in the water (news.com.au)
|
| (star gazette) |
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That cute girl sitting next to you in college 60 years ago? Maybe it's time to finally ask her to marry you (stategazette.com)
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| (Doubtful News) |
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Doubtful News/The Skeptic give thanks to FARK for a story that just won't die - - - the man who woke up at his own funeral (skeptic.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Peter Weller sneers when asked if he'll be wearing funky prosthetics in the upcoming Star Trek movie: "Do I look like an alien to you? No man ... I have my own ship" (trekweb.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
If Engelbert Humperdinck can win the prestigious Eurovision Song Contest crown, it will be Britain's first victory since Katrina and the Waves did it in 1997 (asiaone.com)
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Gov. Rick Scott's chief of staff resigns, complaining the media made it impossible to do his job when reporting on all his crooked deals (tampabay.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Hostile: Telltale signs: High, sometimes explosive, reactivity. Frequently disagreeable. Cynical. Mistrustful. Does not like to be wrong. Where you'll find them: Corner offices, the Internet (psychologytoday.com)
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Senior British MP says "McParenting" is putting the lives of a generation at risk (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Dick) |
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Photoshop an ad for a fictional sporting event (dicks.com)
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After 9 years and nearly 900 games in the minors, Milwaukee's Edwin Maysonet takes advantage of his first big-league start since 2009 in grand fashion (mlb.mlb.com)
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Frank Langella wrote the book on How To Be A Playa (nytimes.com)
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Now it's getting interesting: Ron Paul supporters boo Mitt Romney's son off the stage at the Arizona Republican Party convention. "The white Obama" (azcentral.com)
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Mother is stunned to discover her son was exposed to pornographic images during a sleepover with other junior high boys. "I am devastated at the loss of his innocence" (couriermail.com.au)
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Happy Mothers Day: Frank Zappa and The Mothers ~ KING KONG; Live on BBC, 1968 (youtube.com)
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Happy Mother's Day. Did you know the woman who created it hated the holiday and wanted to have it abolished? (mentalfloss.com)
|
| (Some NFL Guy) |
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Jets backup QB Tim Tebow finally getting his own half hour special on Eǃ Entertainment Television this summer, which will more than make up for the lack of attention he's sure to get from the New York media (lastangryfan.com)
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God's band just got a little funkier: Donald Duck Dunn is gone (en.wikipedia.org)
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Spend your spring break watching couples on the beach having sex (washingtonpost.com)
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It's all up for grabs now: the title, the last CL spots, and the final relegation spot all in contention. The final 10 games played at the same time. Watch the destiny of the league in your epic season ending EPL discussion thread (bbc.co.uk)
|
| |
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Nine Midwest food fests that will make you fatter just reading about them (suntimes.com)
|
| (Some Glowing Guy) |
|
Ra-di-a-tion. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it's bad for you. Pernicious nonsense. Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year (stamfordadvocate.com)
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A great, great, great grandma will celebrate this Sunday with her family which has six generations of daughters. Happy Mothers' Day (dailymail.co.uk)
|
| (SPEED) |
|
A Williams on the pole? Lewis Hamilton starting from the back of the grid? Other possible crazy? It's your F1 Grand Prix of Spain official discussion thread. Race coverage starts at 7:30 AM EST (formula-one.speedtv.com)
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| |
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Man completes triathlon in under two hours while juggling the whole time. Yea well, Subby took out the trash today (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| |
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Why did hundreds of football fans riot in Istanbul? It's nobody's business but the Turks (bbc.co.uk)
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| (CBS) |
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Court rules that guy can sue hospital for "excruciating pain and trauma" when a worker tripped on a hose, yanking a catheter from his penis (losangeles.cbslocal.com)
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Seattle experiments with twice monthly trash pickup. Some noses have a problem with this (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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| (not Greg Fiore) |
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Been a Farkette for a really long time now...Here's the trailer for the video I did with my class of 2nd Graders for our school's fundraiser...Enjoy (gregfiore.smugmug.com)
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Ahmadinejad last week: death to Israel. Ahmadinejad after seeing the major deployment of US military air planes: Whoa whoa whoa, wait a minute....what I said wasn't intended to be a factual statement (cnn.com)
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Sao Paolo has 31 life-size human silhouettes appearing tense, perched on the edges of high-rises, prepared to dive to their deaths below. Wall Street has none. Can't explain that (azcentral.com)
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Just for TFD, a ten hour loop of 'What is Love'. I've been jamming it all day long. My neighbors love me (youtube.com)
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Turns out, training wheels really don't work and aren't great for kids (slate.com)
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Three tech bargains you shouldn't fall for... but probably will (reviews.cnet.com)
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Sat May 12, 2012
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Time magazine fails in their list of the 10 greatest detective shows of all time by missing the best one. What's the matter, Time? Did you forget to leave your number after the beep? (entertainment.time.com)
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Why lightsaber games never worked. Hokey peripherals and ancient controllers are no match for a good Zapper at your side, kid (aggrogate.com)
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You've never seen so much wood in your entire life (that's what she said) (gizmodo.com)
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You're a dedicated copper thief if you can steal four miles of the stuff (seattlepi.com)
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After learning NBC renewed Whitney, CBS renews Two and a Half Men out of spite (insidetv.ew.com)
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Borussia Dortmund wins their first ever German league/cup double by crushing Bayern München 5:2 in Berlin's Olympiastadion. Do you know who else celebrated overwhelming victories in Berlin? (soccernet.espn.go.com)
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Don Nelson, at age 73, is the winningest coach in NBA history. Today, 50 years after leaving school for the NBA, he received his college degree (sfgate.com)
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Woman assaults friend with tiki torch. Tries to claim it was an incident of friendly fire (toledoblade.com)
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Photoshop this (not really) levitating musician (spiegel.de)
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[redacted] (cnews.canoe.ca)
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Five exoplanets that might just be able to support human life. Subby calls dibs on Gliese 667C c (visual.ly)
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| (Lincoln Journal Star) |
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About that "crazy anti-gay lady?" She really is mentally ill, and, interestingly enough, really is a human being. Here comes the liberal guilt, I hope (journalstar.com)
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The Nine Circles of Hell, rendered in Lego, as written about by Tente Alighieri (io9.com)
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Dalai Lama warned that Chinese are training Tibetan women to poison him with their hair (telegraph.co.uk)
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A Game 1 and a Game 7 on the same day: welcome to the NBA playoffs, 2012 edition. Philly and Boston kick off their series at 8 ET (TNT) while the Nuggets and Lakers finish off their series at 10:30 ET (TNT/FSW) (espn.go.com)
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Two hundred and fifty years ago the Earl of Sandwich stayed up all night playing cards and invented the sandwich so you can do the same (bbc.co.uk)
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Not that it's any interest to Farkers, but there's a girl who pinches sex 'trophies' from each one of her sexual conquests (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Welcome to the world, Benjamin Holtby. Will the CAPS netminder secure a spot for his team in the NHL Eastern Conference Finals? Or will the Rangers end a 15-year drought? We shall see tonight at 7:30pm ET (m.nbcwashington.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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John Axford blows a save so badly it puts his wife into labor. He then leaves an awesome note for the media (foxsportswisconsin.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pretty cool video on the history / philosophy of the 404 error (machineslikeus.com)
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Young cancer patient produces video of other young cancer patients singing along to Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger" - the saddest and the most inspiring thing you'll see today (duluthnewstribune.com)
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Any landing you can walk away from is a good one. Especially if a train is involved (news24.com)
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Will Danica Patrick storm through the field to win? Will Fox not talk about Danica Patrick for more than five seconds? Its your Southern 500 starring Danica Patrick, live 6:30 PM ET on Fox (nascar.com)
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In other news, a recent study shows that Colorado, Utah and Wyoming have more recoverable oil than the rest of the entire world. So we have that going for us, then (cnsnews.com)
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Clippers enforcer Reggie Evans got a technical foul last night for, he uh, see, by rule, when a player....You can't.... Uhhh... I mean, he clearly, uhh.... Well he, uhhh, he knows what he did. That's all that has to be said (huffingtonpost.com)
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Gary Johnson could catch presidential race by surprise sex. Ok, I added the last word (foxnews.com)
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Former Dolphin and current Bear Brandon Marshall says Miami's QB situation is foundationally solid and the WR corps can expect years of success. Just kidding. He said Jerry Rice in his prime wouldn't have succeeded there (aol.sportingnews.com)
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Obama honors 34 "top cops," Joe Arpaio strangely absent (reuters.com)
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If you don't want to wait until 2245 for the first USS Enterprise to be built BTE Dan has some good news for you (msnbc.msn.com)
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Sam Groth, the 340th ranked tennis player in the world, fired off the fastest recorded serve in tennis history, a 163MPH / 263kph rocket at match in South Korea (nz.sports.yahoo.com)
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Santorum to Romney: "Step up and use 'potent weapon' of same sex marriage" (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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British Olympic officials announce plan to deploy "sonic weapon" that can deliver ear-splitting, agonizing waves of noise to a large crowd. I'm just happy that Fran Drescher is still keeping busy (thedailybeast.com)
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| (Some Lights) |
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Photoshop this purple place (shorpy.com)
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Our federal government has commissioned a study to study studies. Conclusion...study studying studies is flawed. Fark needs a "facepalm" tag (abcnews.go.com)
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Dear Parent, We regret to inform you that there is no room for your child in Battery Park Kindergarten public school. But do not worry, we checked with the $16k a year private school right down the street and they still have spaces open (nypost.com)
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Republicans are for gay marriage. They have always been for gay marriage. Move along, citizen (andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com)
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Taxi driver tries to drive through puddle that in reality is water filled sink hole. Demonstrates depth for reporter by first using stick, then foot, then ooops... whole body (liveleak.com)
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Let's run down the list of activities where your colleagues are likely to shoot you and themselves, shall we? Fighting a war, being a cop, selling dietary supplements, hunting deer, dealing drugs, wait, what? (washingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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President Obama's own doctor claims Obamacare is a failure, and that Obama lacks "passion, feeling and humanity." A good doctor would have cured him (humanevents.com)
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Ever wondered what actors are actually sniffing/smoking/ingesting in tv shows or movies depicting drug use? Worry no more (wired.com)
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The South takes yet another step on the short road to theocracy. This time Tennessee wants to ban "gateway sexual activity" such as hugging and kissing (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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"How to Talk About Books You Haven't Read", and 14 other books that you lie about having read (6thfloor.blogs.nytimes.com)
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A Phoenix man wins $1 million in the Powerball lottery ....six times in the same day (accessatlanta.com)
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New Jersey town is cracking down on some of society's biggest asshats: people who constantly text while they walk (foxnews.com)
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After 20 years, Mike Powell's world record in the long jump still stands. Yes ... a man can fly (youtube.com)
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Gizmodo thanks FARK for calling in the story about iPhone-thieving hookers (gizmodo.com)
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The New York Times summons the power of Fark, asks for the public's help in identifying a naked woman (6thfloor.blogs.nytimes.com)
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A full day of Saturday baseball features some interesting matchups: Cubs v Brewers, Braves v Cardinals, Rays v Orioles and much more. Action starts at 1:05 ET (espn.go.com)
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All businesses that did not lose $3.2 billion last quarter take a step forward. Not so fast USPS (reuters.com)
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17 shows you've never heard of get the axe. No, not all of them are on Fox. (Difficulty: slide show) (tv.yahoo.com)
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Author correctly identifies Instagram as the Country Fried Steak of photography (pcmag.com)
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No fruit in my Fruit Roll-Ups? What's next, no babies in my Sugar Babies? (reuters.com)
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And a chorus of "awwww" arose from the Farkosphere (dailymail.co.uk)
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If you've never seen a guy break the record for spinning a basketball on his toe, today is your lucky day (youtube.com)
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At 41, Denise Richards in a bikini reminds everyone why Charlie Sheen is the dumbest man on the planet (dailymail.co.uk)
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Insanity: trying to come up with a competitor to the NFL over and over again and expecting different results. Meet the latest challenger (washingtonpost.com)
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'Daddy has dementia and forgot he had a wife so daddy took another and it caused all kinds of strife.' Not the lyrics of a country tune ... it's Reese Witherspoon's current reality. #goodgoddaddy (bittenandbound.com)
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Man dies after being stabbed with a syringe full of mercury hidden in the tip of an umbrella. Fark: a year ago (thelocal.de)
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News: Man saves daughter from traffic accident. Ultra News: Jumps from moving car to save her. Fark News: Goes back for her shoes (w/video) (telegraph.co.uk)
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What the heck is this thing? A decommissioned radar assembly or a shrine to the god of bowling? DIT (maps.google.com)
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News: Player with at least 4 RBIs in 4 of 5 games, first since Lou Gehrig in 1931. Fark: Brandon Inge (mlive.com)
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This... this is why sane people are cat people (cracked.com)
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Can Gelfand the Great defeat Anand the Ace and anend his reign? Can the Israeli Icon crack The DaVishy Code? Will the ghost of Bobby Fischer appear to demand money and extra lighting? The Chess World Championship continues today (haaretz.com)
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After a man tells his girlfriend he's breaking up with her, she gets so mad she bites him on the leg and chases him out of the house armed with a paintball gun. On the plus side, at least he knows he made the right decision (nwfdailynews.com)
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Photoshop this high-flying "It's real to me, dammit" wrestler (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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In honor of Cougar Town, here's a list of 13 shows that were saved by switching networks. However, the list fails by not mentioning Mystery Science Theater 3000. Bonus: Half of the shows were dumped by the geniuses at NBC (hollywoodreporter.com)
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It isn't every day that you get to watch Stevie Wonder discover a new musical instrument (youtube.com)
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Rush Limbaugh recommends un-saving the auto industry, raising Bin Laden from the dead, undoing the banking reforms, sending 100,000 troops back to Iraq, and slashing 40% off the Dow. Seriously (mediamatters.org)
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Judge: There's a better chance of getting struck by lightning while winning the lottery than there is of you being awarded any copyright damages. Oracle: We like those odds (arstechnica.com)
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| (don't forget to call your mom) |
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Proof that a mother's love knows no bounds - a Yorkshire terrier adopts five kittens (who are almost as big as she is) just in time for the Mother's Day edition of Caturday (animaltracks.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Did we say it cost $50 million? We meant $347 million. But we're cool, right? (cbc.ca)
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Georgia's top racketeering investigator assigned to investigate kids cheating on school tests. All other organized crime to be solved by that mean old lady who teaches third grade (ajc.com)
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ABC's long-mothballed series "Pan Am" unexpectedly wins TV award in Europe, where Europeans see its retro styling as embodiment of long-vanished American optimism, taste and sophistication (deadline.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Super hot school secretary got violated by 16 year old student (with you would hit that like...like....) (ksl.com)
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There's ordinary dumb. There's "busted for cooking meth" dumb. And then there's "busted for trying to cook meth without even having the right ingredients" dumb (ajc.com)
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| (LJWorld) |
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On its last day in session, Kansas legislature ignores trivial matters like the budget and redistricting to deal with apocalyptic threats posed by Sharia law and UN Agenda 21 (www2.ljworld.com)
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Praise God and serve the $500k defamation lawsuit for a negative online review from a shunned parishoner (katu.com)
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| (Nats Enquirer) |
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Bryce Harper only got one hit Friday night, but it was a doozy (natsenquirer.com)
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Not news: woman has collision with møøse. News: continues to drive to work. Fark: pics (cbc.ca)
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| (Oakland Press) |
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Step 1) Become emergency manager of Pontiac, MI and sell the Silverdome for 1% of its cost. Step 2) Partner with the guy you sold it to and build a casino there. Step 3) PROFIT (Optional Step 4: Wonder why the hell this is legal) (theoaklandpress.com)
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Drunk-driving, girlfriend-adopting millionaire who left the scene of a fatal accident is going to find out how it feels to be someone's adopted girlfriend (nydailynews.com)
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Mini Documentary on the most terrifying drug in the world - it renders a person incapable of exercising free will. You're going to watch it, then tell me your Fark login. [some Not safe for work language] (gizmodo.com)
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I returned a stolen turtle (sun-sentinel.com)
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Geraldo Rivera claims he was 'manually raped' by TSA officials, proving the TSA does offer some value (dailymail.co.uk)
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Obscure law makes it tough for military dogs to be adopted after service, resulting in many of them being euthanized. Asinine: They are currently classified as equipment, rather than personnel (wsbtv.com)
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Jersey Shore's JWoww attacks Bristol Palin for attacking Barack Obama on gay marriage. This is why we're a superpower, people (azcentral.com)
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ABC is bringing Reba McEntire back to primetime for some unknown reason (deadline.com)
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So, the key to a long and happy life is to: A) buy a small island, B) plant 16,000 trees, C) surround yourself with 120 giant tortoises, or D) all of the above (npr.org)
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Almost all spiders are solitary, and very few hunt together in groups of thousands, cooperating to kill and eat prey thousands of times their own size. Very few (io9.com)
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Fri May 11, 2012
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Stevie Wonder blindsided by an extortion plot involving allegations of incest (tmz.com)
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| (Some Wright-Thinker) |
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Cool: buying a Frank Lloyd Wright-designed house for one dollar. Difficulty: in exchange for having to label, disassemble and move it stick by stick to a new site to avoid demolition. Holy crap: in two weeks (architizer.com)
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If you're going to rob a bank you could do it by wearing a ski mask to hide your identity. Or you could do what this guy did and dress up in women's clothing and clown makeup (azfamily.com)
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Man implants magnets in his arm to hold his iPod (nj.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Because all other crime in Freeport, Penn. has been taken care of: Police sent to collect overdue library books from 4-year-old girl (pittsburgh.cbslocal.com)
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So THAT'S what you do with your physics degree (wired.com)
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ABC renews Happy Endings. Suck a million (avclub.com)
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Restaurant posts sign warning parents not to let their snowflakes run wild; parents respond by throwing a tantrum (tampabay.com)
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Clearly, the only way for Whitney Houston's family to come to terms with their grief is to star in a new reality show (huffingtonpost.com)
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Lewdness and assault lead the pack in this week's Mugshot Roundup (thesmokinggun.com)
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Companies that have done well during the economic downturn -- JP Morgan Chase, Bank of America, and Wells Fargo -- and have a masterful grasp of customer service now really want to run your 401k (money.msn.com)
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Photoshop this freshly shaved alpaca (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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Stocks turn positive on strong sentiment data. It looks like someone had a HUG (foxbusiness.com)
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Oh JP Morgan? The SEC would like a word with you over those reckless trades that lost you $2 billion in the last six weeks, two words, actually, and they are "you're farked" (dealbook.nytimes.com)
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From the " Maybe we didn't think of our cunning plan all the way through" dept: North Carolina finding the ban on gay marriage is bad for business (nytimes.com)
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Some economist says we shouldn't trust some economists concerning the U.S. economy (nytimes.com)
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| (Journal.ie) |
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The Journal.ie thanks FARK for photo #9 in their slideshow of the worst soccer uniforms (thejournal.ie)
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| (TV Line) |
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Remember how excited you were to hear Community got a 13 episode 4th season? Well, Whitney just got a 22 episode second season (tvline.com)
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Toyota CEO repeats Charlie Chaplin quote to reporters, saying his best car is "the next one." Japan's population of Chaplin experts heatedly claim their hero never said it (blogs.wsj.com)
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Harry Reid says that Senate Republicans have abused the filibuster rule so badly that even simple bills can't get passed, also lamenting that he didn't change it back when minority Democrats were abusing the filibuster (huffingtonpost.com)
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Game of Thrones decapitated Ned Stark dessert pops (io9.com)
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Not news: Elderly couple dies in car crash. News: Couldn't call for help due to bad AT&T coverage. FARK: after NINE dropped calls (gizmodo.com)
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CNN reports on parenting and uses Drew and his wife Heather as excellent examples (w/photo) (geekout.blogs.cnn.com)
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IPhone user: 'Siri, what's the world's best smartphone?' Siri: 'The Nokia Lumia 900.' Wait, what? (examiner.com)
|
| (Some Drinker) |
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Friday Night NASCAR drinking game: Every time they mention Danica Patrick or Travis Pastrana without them being near the front of the field, take a drink. Finish your drink whenever they earn a Darlington stripe. Live at 7:15 PM ET (autoweek.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Greene County, Va., Republicans distribute newsletter decrying a living wage, the biblically hostile president, and calling for armed insurrection. Oh, and they also have a killer "conservative potato and egg delight" recipe (volokh.com)
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HBO co-president thinks internet-based TV is on the way out. Also expects dinosaurs to make a comeback (forbes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Friday night fights Bellator 68 / Legacy Fighting Championship 11 / The Ultimate Fighter: Live / etc. discussion super-combo thread. First fights start at 7pm eastern (bellator.com)
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Bryzgalov vowels to take a shot at Philly fans (fannation.com)
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To prepare for the Mother's Day weekend, let's stop random pedestrians on a city street and ask "have you ever seen your mother naked?" (huffingtonpost.com)
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The best Airship pictures you're going to see today (io9.com)
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That's right, it's Friday. So take off your shoes, put your feet on your desk, and try your hand at this week's Fark Weird News Quiz (fark.com)
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Crazy lady at Lincoln City Council gives the craziest anti-gay rant that has ever crazied. Luckily, it was caught on video (gawker.com)
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| (Valdez Star) |
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Problem: High student absenteeism on Fridays; Solution: No school on Fridays (valdezstar.net)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wait until Microsoft realizes they could be charging money for security patches too (nakedsecurity.sophos.com)
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All three Transformers movies summarized in a single one minute video (youtube.com)
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Vince Young is now a Buffalo Bill, demands you put the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again (msn.foxsports.com)
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Brother of one of Anders Behring Breivik's victims attacks him during court session. Honestly, who throws a shoe? (startribune.com)
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It's all fun and games until someone gives the goose a light saber. Then it's just awesome (boingboing.net)
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New pics from "The Dark Knight Rises." Someone compares Bane's mask to... well... you know (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)
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Hypochondria support thread. What disease do you think you're dying from? (en.wikipedia.org)
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Japan is experiencing reverse Idiocracy. EVERYBODY PANIC (foxnews.com)
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Photoshop these pretend pandas (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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Why do some Christians say the Bible is explicitly against gay marriage and others say the Bible supports it? Why, it's almost as if words and language can be interpreted different ways (npr.org)
|
| (Some Bob) |
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After winning the championship, player gives his friend Bob a champions t-shirt. Hilarity ensues (uefa.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: Conspiracy theorist fears cops are following her. Truth: They are. Fark: because they put a GPS tracker on her car and are trying to secretly get it back (coloradoan.com)
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Facebook co-founder can tell you how much US citizenship is worth (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)
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The Chinese teleported protons over 100 kilometers. I for one, welcome our Chinese, proton teleporting overlords (popsci.com)
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| (Twitter) |
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Okay, Biden. Now say something about decriminalizing pot (twitter.com)
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Indiana Pacers coach Frank Vogel becomes America's favorite basketball coach by saying nine little words about the Miami Heat - "They are the biggest flopping team in the NBA" (espn.go.com)
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After careful consideration, I think I'd rather settle with being a slower runner (dailymail.co.uk)
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WWII fighter found perfectly preserved in the Sahara 70 years after it disappeared. Pilot unaccounted for but is likely somewhere nearby making a scale model of Devil's Tower out of mashed potatoes (dailymail.co.uk)
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God allows woman's house to burn down, miraculously saves stone Virgin Mary statue (huffingtonpost.com)
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Flight attendant fired for Tweeting world's worst Fark headline (myfoxdc.com)
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Father: "My naked unicyclist son is mentally ill." O WHEELY? (khou.com)
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Microsoft touts Windows 8's ability to detect itself (computerworld.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Seattle Times greenlit a headline worthy of Fark, but some boring editor pulled it. Screencap in link (jimromenesko.com)
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45-year-old skateboarders: sad, dangerous, or sad AND dangerous? The New York Times is there (nytimes.com)
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Guy who played Biff Tannen got sick of all your Back to the Future questions, so he wrote everything up on one sheet of paper and photocopied it so he could hand them out to fans before he tells them to why make like a tree and get outta here (gawker.com)
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Bayer Cropscience would like you to know that in no way does their insecticide cause colony collapse of bees (cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com)
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This week in dark money: George Soros cuts some big checks, a super-PAC showdown in the Hoosier state, plus other news from the cold murky world of dark campaign cash (motherjones.com)
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Car crashes into television studios and .... wait a second. Is the fireman on the left really small or is the fireman on the right really tall? (seattlepi.com)
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The FBI has a problem with anonymized online currency substitutes such as Bitcoin (wired.com)
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Joss Whedon's "Firefly" crew, flying high ten years later. (SPOILER ALERT: it's not coming back.) (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Redskins introducing 1937 throwback jerseys, with "a rich, darker color palate," a patch from the early years, and a helmet that has "a unique, leather-like finish." and pockets, it appears (pic) (washingtonpost.com)
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| (LAF) |
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Tim Tebow's dog is about to have an identity crisis (lastangryfan.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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What do you do when your state has just publically embarrassed you? Start a war with Mississippi of course (abclocal.go.com)
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You expect a few mistakes from a rookie pitcher, but you generally assume they'll be wearing the right uniform when warming up (espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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North Carolina passes amendment banning same sex marriage. AND A CHALLENGER APPEARS (addictinginfo.org)
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HP still full of leaks. Hovercraft still full of eels (businessweek.com)
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An incredibly detailed look at Internet marketing scams, and it won't even cost you $5 a month (boingboing.net)
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Jenny McCarthy's reign of terror continues in Washington state (washingtonpost.com)
|
| (Science News) |
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Nobel Prize-winning Texas cancer official in resignation letter: "Science or GTFO" (news.sciencemag.org)
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Facebook apparently will soon let users pay to make their posts stand out in their friends' feed. In other words, Facebook is about to get even more insufferable (uproxx.com)
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Adoption community outraged over Avengers joke, trying to foster support but feeling abandoned (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com)
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For all those who wanted an even closer relationship with their vacuum cleaner (shortlist.com)
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Hulk no like "Avatar" record. Hulk hate "Avatar" record. HULK SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH "AVATAR" RECORD (starpulse.com)
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| (BGR) |
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Apple 'iTV' confirmed by Foxconn boss (bgr.com)
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People plan on spending $152 on their moms this year, more than three times what your mom charges (610wiod.com)
|
| (Some Buffy site) |
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When should you stake a vampire? A handy flowchart for "Buffy" fans (btvsonline.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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You know you're wearing too much Axe body spray if it sets off the fire alarm (middletownpress.com)
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"I lasted less than half a day... and it was hell." a) Hiker trying to traverse Death Valley on foot, b) Embedded reporter in Afghanistan, or c) tech writer trying to go a day without Google products? (slate.com)
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DC's mayor wants you to know that, sure, he's given his son and daughter thousands of dollars worth of Verizon Center Sky Suite tickets to see acts like Jay-Z, Kanye West, and Britney Spears, but that was all totally to help the city (wtop.com)
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Possibly the best bear cub video you will see all day, "Let's all do the conga" (news.yahoo.com)
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Stripper fired for being a reporter (cnn.com)
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From the "did he really just say that?" files, Catholic League head Bill Donohue says that he wants the law to "discriminate against all alternative lifestyles", just like Jesus would (w/video) (thinkprogress.org)
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Blood + Boobs - Elaborate Battle Sequences = "Game of Thrones" (youtube.com)
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Bill O'Reilly on same-sex marriage: "I agree with President Obama" (with poll that makes just as much sense) (foxnews.com)
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| |
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Study finds that if you want to stay healthy and happy, vote Republican (huffingtonpost.com)
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Good: Obese third grader who was taken by CPS loses 52 lbs while living with his uncle. Bad: His mom wins custody back. Worse: He has already put seven lbs back on (news.yahoo.com)
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Everyone born on June 16th is now the devil (wnd.com)
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Josh Beckett contrite and apologetic with the media after getting hammered in his first start after Golf-Gate. Haha, just kidding, he's a robodouche (boston.com)
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Yeah, this camera only shoots in two colors. You've probably never heard of it (gizmodo.com)
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Sheriff Joe Arpaio abandons the Birther cause, saying the proof that Obama isn't a US citizen won't come from his birth certificate, rather it will come from his Draft Registration. We get it. You're a racist asshole (wnd.com)
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Six mind-blowing animal infestations straight out of The Bible, from drunk baboons to kamikaze carp (cracked.com)
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Emma Watson has signed up for pole dancing lessons in order to pass ... the time... while she's working on .... should I even bothering typing the rest of this headline? (thesun.co.uk)
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Investors pay $850,000 for Batman #1, wonder why it says "The New 52" (wfaa.com)
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Man crashes Bobcat loader into store to steal deodorant. Police plan to charge him with first degree theft and encouraged the store to ban him for life (chicagotribune.com)
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The most recent AP polls show that Obama is ahead in polls where Democrats are oversampled by 12% (hotair.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
News: Two men get their iPhones stolen. FARK: By prostitutes. TotalFark: The men fire a shot through the motel room door. Stockton: Prostitutes return fire, injuring one (fox40.com)
|
| (NJ101.5) |
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State officials defend exam question asking third-graders to, "reveal a secret that was difficult to keep and explain why it was hard to keep" (nj1015.com)
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Sheriff Joe responds calmly and reasonably to DOJ suit against him. Yeah, who are we kidding... "I'm not going to surrender my office to the federal government. I will fight this to the bitter end" (cnn.com)
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The whole "Mitt Romney Bully" story? If the evidence for it were any more flimsy they'd have to revive 60 Minutes II just to keep it going (abcnews.go.com)
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Remember when Elizabeth Warren was accused of lying about her ethnicity to get special treatment? Turns out that not only is she part Cherokee, but she also never even claimed that on admission forms or employment applications (huffingtonpost.com)
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The BBC wants us to know that we are all about to get raped by robots (bbc.co.uk)
|
| (AP) |
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Yahoo CEO says he couldn't have put false information on his resume because he never gave Yahoo a resume (enterprisenews.com)
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"Dark Shadows will remind you why you once liked Johnny Depp" (slate.com)
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American Airlines drops highest level of service as passenger treatment now moves from insulting to abusive (businessweek.com)
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College pitcher wins million dollar MLB 2K12 challenge (mlb.mlb.com)
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| (6abc) |
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Man with knife tries to rob Philadelphia Dunkin' Donuts store. Unfortunately for him, the clerk had a bigger knife. Surveillance video included, Crocodile Dundee jokes are not (abclocal.go.com)
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Have you bought an iPod in the last six years? Well guess what? You are currently suing Apple (theatlanticwire.com)
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Defense Department Joint Forces Staff College advocates 'total war' on Islam using "the historical precedents of Dresden, Tokyo, Hiroshima, Nagasaki" to Makkah and Medinah (wired.com)
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Nationals' Stephen Strasburg Strasburgs 13, including 7 in a row, is now 3 -0, with 51 Strasburgs, and an Earned Strasburg Average of 1.64 (usatoday.com)
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Obama needs one more justice. If elected, he will get it, and same-sex marriage will be forced on all of America (townhall.com)
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Al-Qaeda bombmaker responsible for the new underwear bomb has designed bombs to fit in cameras, hard-drives and even domestic pets. Your dog wants this infidel defiler to drown in a lake of blood (abcnews.go.com)
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Margaret Thatcher isn't dead, naked on a cold day (gawker.com)
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Sorry, New York, but it looks like you're not going to have the nation's largest phallic symbol, after all. Hey, it's not the size that really matters, anyway (cnn.com)
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In 2011, all of the police in the entire country of Germany fired a combined total of 85 bullets at people during the entire year. That's one more than the NYPD used on a single murder suspect last month--who survived (theatlanticwire.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Yes, I'd like to have a hot dog, please, with extra proselytizing (newsleader.com)
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Old school: Frisbee trick shots. New, old school: Vinyl record trick shots (break.com)
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The state of Ohio, apparently with a straight face, is asking us to believe that people go to Ohio voluntarily and that their tourism industry grew by $2 billion last year to reach $40 billion (businessweek.com)
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Most US students fail at science, don't understand that if they aren't part of the solution....they are part of the precipitate (ocregister.com)
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How to make Buddhism more popular: allow your monks to drink, smoke and gamble while hanging out at luxury hotels. Giggity (upi.com)
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Governor Scott Walker caught on video telling a billionaire benefactor how he plans to crush the unions and turn Wisconsin into a right-to-work state. Not that billionaire. Or that one. Another one (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Both Community and Cougar Town were renewed yesterday. This is the best timeline, and Abed is Emperor of the Universe (hitfix.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Remember when the drug Vioxx got taken off the market in 2004 for killing roughly 55,000 people? Looks like they may have left off a zero (theweek.co.uk)
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| |
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37 year old future Hall-of-Famer Vladimir Guerrero, career .318 hitter, 449 HR, signs minor league contract with Toronto Blue Jays, eh? (ca.sports.yahoo.com)
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On yer voter registration card, does it say "D," or "Arrrrrr" (neatorama.com)
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Microsoft to ban every browser but Internet Explorer from the new version of Windows. This is not a repeat from 1998 (foxnews.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Remember when the media was so concerned about Mr. Obama's drug use in high school? Good times (thepoliticalguide.com)
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| |
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Today's random question: Who headlined at the first concert you ever attended? (fark.com)
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| |
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Assemble a team of superheroes for a rip-off movie of The Avengers (google.com)
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"My main motivation was to make money off the controversy," says man selling Trayvon Martin gun range targets (clickorlando.com)
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Kristen Stewart left po-faced after being evicted from Charlize Theron's private jet (ok.co.uk)
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Basic election math: Obama fundraiser + George Clooney hosting + Wolfgang Puck cooking = $15,000,000 (news.yahoo.com)
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I'm no Biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure Jesus never ripped off a chunk of someone's earlobe for not doing the dishes (couriermail.com.au)
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Orioles' wacky, unusual season continues as they become first team in AL history to open a game with three straight home runs, beating Texas 6-5. FARK: Orioles team gets only five hits--all home runs (mlb.mlb.com)
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If an eight-year-old boy is riding his bike in front of your house you should a) wave hello, b) do absolutely nothing, c) throw a pitchfork at him. Bonus round: You're holding a beer while this is happening, what do you do? (mcall.com)
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10 questions for JP Morgan, not including "just who the FARK do you think you are?" (cnbc.com)
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Comic book artist Tony DeZuniga, who co-created Jonah Hex, is dead at age 71. Sadly, he did live long enough to see his most famous creation on the big screen (digitalspy.com)
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Surfer sets Guinness World Record for largest wave surfed after taking on 78' tall monster. Keanu Reeves seen waiting to arrest him on the shore (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sean Bean arrested after losing his head. A restraining order is coming (dailymail.co.uk)
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Rafael Nadal beaten on clay court in Madrid, congratulates winner and leaves gracefully. Just kidding, he blames the court itself and threatens not to return next year. Fail tag used in absence of Douche tag (sports.yahoo.com)
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| |
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I stole a turtle (sun-sentinel.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Bikini hockey. Maybe there IS a God. And He really DOES want us to be happy (foxsportssouthwest.com)
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Seventy-three-year-old man sets fire at nursing home because it turns him on. Whatever happened to reruns of The Golden Girls? (courant.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Electronics store holds woman's computer hostage until she removes the complaint she filed with the attorney general about their wonderful customer service (sacramento.cbslocal.com)
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| |
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Tennessee murder-kidnapping suspect Adam Mayes found dead; sisters he kidnapped found alive (cnn.com)
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Man sentenced to one year probation for....a) drug possession...b) assault and battery...or c) harboring a wallaby (pennlive.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Wonderful story of an autistic man getting immense joy out of passers-by honking and waving as he stands in his yard day in and day out. Dusty in here, etc. (theoconeeleader.com)
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Greg Oden reveals he was an alcoholic, and how he kept that fact loki (grantland.com)
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1980: Best. Summer. Movies. Ever (blog.sfgate.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
What do a golf ball, a fish hook, a sewing needle, a toy dinosaur, a rubber duck, a Crucifix, a tennis ball, dentures, a spoon, a fork, a baby pacifier, and homework all have in common? (newyork.cbslocal.com)
|
Thu May 10, 2012
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Mayans renew humanity's subscription for "Existence", good for another 7,000 years (news.nationalgeographic.com)
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This video of a naked man on a unicycle brought to you by the Houston PD, and the makers of Cheap Liquor™. Cheap Liquor™, providing impaired judgment for the best and the worst times of your life (blog.chron.com)
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When the police come to your front door, stabbing your computer with a samurai sword will not delete the child porn on the hard drive (dailymail.co.uk)
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"Mitt Romney said Thursday that same-sex couples should be allowed to adopt children, but they should not be married because children should be raised by a mother and a father." Wait, what? (huffingtonpost.com)
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With Dicks in, all six Washington congressional Democrats favor repeal of gay-marriage ban (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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In collaboration with Dr. Zaius, chimp makes elaborate plots to attack humans (foxnews.com)
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Jets QB says that "Tim Tebow is a backup quarterback first, and then he'll do plenty of other stuff.". Unknown what the other stuff is, but a brand new shoeshine kit and chauffeur's hat was found in front of Tebow's locker (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)
|
| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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If your company's computers crash and its backup servers are erased just days after you're laid off, don't demand a multi-year contract at exorbitant rates to repair them, because someone will put two and two together (greatfallstribune.com)
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The funniest 10 seconds in sports (kotaku.com)
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We've been trimming our nails wrong for more than 100 years (gizmodo.com)
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Post Office: "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds". Postal workers: Nudist colony? Go fark yourselves (wtkr.com)
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Scientists discover key mechanisms behind tinnitus, get a ringing endorsement (sciencedaily.com)
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You remember that time in the 10th to 12th centuries when the Christian church had no problem marrying gay couples? Yeah, that was a pretty cool time (iheartchaos.com)
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A schoolgirl interested in writing becomes an internet hit after creating a blog documenting the paltry crap the school serves for lunch. Too bad she doesn't like bananas (thesun.co.uk)
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Corn is the new corn (latimes.com)
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JP Morgan loses $2 billion. Chief executive says "this is not how we want to run a business" (latimes.com)
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Stoner gets two-year extension, munchies (espn.go.com)
|
| (Some Filthy Neutral) |
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Michele Bachmann requests that the Swiss Government remove her dual citizenship. Switzerland is reportedly neutral on the subject (bachmann.house.gov)
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Eight in 10 young drivers admit to texting while driving. Your BFF Jill is going to get me KILLED (thecarconnection.com)
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| (WLKY) |
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Students use phone to video under teacher's dress, then post it on YouTube. This is definitely going on their permanent record (wlky.com)
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You're safe and sound, America: Drug crime sends first-time offender grandmother to prison for life (chron.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
If your train to Grand Central was delayed by over an hour yesterday, don't worry. There is a very perfectly legitimate reason: a squirrel did it (darien.patch.com)
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Singer hospitalized after banging head on tour bus. That is *SO* metal \m/ (upi.com)
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Dat (robot) ass (kotaku.com)
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The Daily Mail reports that Prince Harry has died: "Despite repeated attempts to resuscitate him, Harry passed away on the operating table" (dailymail.co.uk)
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If you're going to heckle the manager of the Miami Marlins by dressing as Fidel Castro, you can expect to be deported from the stadium (orlandosentinel.com)
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Will the Bulls realize they're playing the Sixers? Will the Lakers fall prey to the altitude? Will Rondo make up for his butterfingers? Will anyone force a Game 7? It's today's NBA Playoffs Thread. First tipoff is at 7 pm Eastern (scores.espn.go.com)
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Which Americans deserve to be knighted? You gotta admit, Sir William Cosby does have a certain ring to it (bbcamerica.com)
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Chris "Birdman" Andersen may have been flapping to kiddie porn (espn.go.com)
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If you're an MLB pitcher and have never tried the fake-to-third-throw-to-first move, you'd better do it before it's too late (news.yahoo.com)
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| |
|
Leonard Nimoy explain$ why he couldn't re$i$t returning to Fringe (io9.com)
|
| (cfnews13.com) |
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"I'm not racist," says leader of white supremacist group accused of hate crime plot (cfnews13.com)
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And now over to Chuck the prince with the weather (thesun.co.uk)
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Believe it or not, there are actually people out there who interpret President Obama's support for gay marriage to mean that he's secretly gay. It's like the world is full of idiots or something (uproxx.com)
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Tea Party-backed candidate who defeated Dick Lugar (R-IN) in GOP Senate primary says that bipartisanship is "Democrats coming to the Republican point of view" (thinkprogress.org)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Doubtful News thanks Fark for the story about a 'Magic Skull and some slippery fingers' (doubtfulnews.com)
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The Obama Economy rears its ugly head as the U.S. posts a $59.1 billion budget deficit in April. Wait, I'm sorry, did I say loss? I meant surplus (bloomberg.com)
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Mom puts boob in giant preschool son's mouth on cover of Time and you've clicked the link waka waka waka (gawker.com)
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10 things you'll see in almost every Tim Burton movie. Johnny Depp surprisingly absent (io9.com)
|
| (Courier-Journal) |
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Thieves go meta, hijack truck containing books about a truck hijacking (courier-journal.com)
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Kate Beckinsale spied using antique flip phone in public while simultaneously holding fork full of peanut butter. No euphemisms, I swear that's what she's doing (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (Some Fatty) |
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Think you're tough? Subby bets you've only eaten 20 of the foods on this list of 100 Things to Eat Before You Die: Hardcore Edition (blogs.houstonpress.com)
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Photoshop these peculiar pumps passing by (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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Unwed teen mom Bristol Palin lectures Barack Obama on the sanctity of marriage and being a good parent (huffingtonpost.com)
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Chris Brown releases song in which he brags about "smashing" Rihanna like a pumpkin. Yeah, he's totally sorry, everybody (wwtdd.com)
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Spinoff of 10 Things I Hate About You, a suicide drama called 10 Things I Hate About Life, is in the works. Look for an awkward dedication and attempt to replace Heath Ledger (slashfilm.com)
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Thrice-divorced Rush Limbaugh on the sanctity of marriage: "words used to mean something" (huffingtonpost.com)
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The grandson of a Mormon Polygamist is going to run on "defending traditional marriage" (thinkprogress.org)
|
| (Some Farking Guy) |
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Jill The Ripper doesn't quite have the same ring to it (news.gather.com)
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Most new cars now have a little arrow on one side of the gas pump icon on the fuel gauge. It actually means something--but what? (slate.com)
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Six things your husband's mother would love to hear -- if you can choke the words out from between your clenched teeth (dating.sfgate.com)
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Virginia Attorney General and Tea-Party darling Ken Cuccinelli has heated interview with Bill O'Reilly. Who do you think is the 'winner'? (wtkr.com)
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A couple hours after Barack Obama made his announcement of support of gay marriage, House Republicans voted to keep on hating gays for no apparent reason (thinkprogress.org)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
From what I can gather, illegal immigrants are suing because they can't have guns, and it's making women cry. (bonus: Derptastic reader comments) (mega949.com)
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Romney: I apologize for my high school hijinks that I don't recall committing (washingtonpost.com)
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Researchers at Harvard say posting to Facebook is like sex to the brain (abc2news.com)
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Although the CIA says waterboarding is not torture, it still wouldn't demonstrate the technique on Sen. Bill Nelson because he might die and stuff (washingtonpost.com)
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Sylvester Stallone in the Vatican? It's more likely than you think. Yo Pope (thesun.co.uk)
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When Optimus Prime and Spider-Man won the Chinese lottery (kotaku.com)
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Intel turning itself into a software powerhouse (forbes.com)
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The Amazing Spider-Man is releasing "super previews" now (gammasquad.uproxx.com)
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Facebook to cornhole users with new app store (foxnews.com)
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 |
Subby isn't sure if Fartbongo or Romomama has my best interest at heart. Bill O'Reilly sends me signals through the TV, so I think I have to marry Rachel Maddow. Wat do? (fark.com)
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If you're gay, Obama wants to help you get married. Romney wants to hold you down and forcibly cut your hair to humiliate you (nymag.com)
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Catholic high school baseball team chooses to forfeit the title game rather than play against a team that has a girl on the squad. Seriously. "They believe that a girl's place is not on a field" (azcentral.com)
|
| (International Business Times UK) |
|
Before he made a living cutting hair, Mr Vidal Sassoon was an anti-facist streetfighter (ibtimes.co.uk)
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The officer in charge of censoring the audio coming from the military tribunals at Gitmo apparently decided that national security would be harmed if reporters were allowed to hear the phrase "big-boy pants" (reuters.com)
|
| (Tech-Stew) |
|
Scientists develop wallpaper to block Wi-Fi, available in 2013 (tech-stew.com)
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The GOP now wants pre-1790s census surveys to go with their pre-1960s health care system, pre-1930s finance laws, and pre-1900s campaigning rules (huffingtonpost.com)
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MTV gets Russell Brand to host the MTV Movie Awards. Yes, the same Russell Brand who was fired from MTV for dressing up as Osama bin Laden shortly after the September 11th, 2001 incident (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (This Is Total Essex) |
|
Video captures water shooting 100ft from burst Essex water main, flooding homes and destroying a car. Location: Running Waters (really), Brentwood, Essex (thisistotalessex.co.uk)
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Republicans: Hey Dems, we want to keep student loan interest rates low too, we just want to take the money from preventative cancer screening programs instead of the wealthy, why are you so obstructionist? (forbes.com)
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American think tank suing OPEC because they "intentionally limit barrels of oil that each country produces, causing the price to rise". The world is stunned, STUNNED by this shocking discovery (wnd.com)
|
| (Columbia Journalism Review) |
|
You know something is askew when the trust fund liberals at Columbia University start taking note of media bias (cjr.org)
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The Republican who is trying to 'save' Planned Parenthood (theweek.com)
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Man caught having sex with a horse tells cops he was in the barn at 1:30 a.m. trying to get a job (pennlive.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Boy Scouts sued for not firing the scariest molester ever. Not until he was convicted on arson, anyways. (with childhood nightmare mugshot) (939mia.com)
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Girls soccer players are suffering record number of concussions. Clutched knees demands a recount (rockcenter.msnbc.msn.com)
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Yankees' closer gives up 4 runs in the 9th and blows the save. This is not a repeat from 20 ... uh ... 19 .... hmmmm. Let me get back to you on that (nypost.com)
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Wall Street traders have no reservations about selling Priceline (bloomberg.com)
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Grocery shopper says he put seafood in his shorts because there wasn't any room in the cart. Cops put an end to this fish story (blogs.tcpalm.com)
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Terrell Owens admits he squandered $80 million. Difficulty: He started with $40 million (thescoopblog.dallasnews.com)
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Lin case there were any Lingering doubts, Lin will be an Linportant part of the Knicks team next year (espn.go.com)
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Soccer player names his HORSE after his wife...and expects her to be pleased (dailystar.co.uk)
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Are you going to the pride parade, or are you just playing soccer? (blog.seattlepi.com)
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 |
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Three nuts on a unicycle in east Texas (with video) (local10.com)
|
| (Some Crooner) |
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After 29 days & 66 games the NHL takes a night off. Fark's hockey brigade will still be hard at it posting on the great intermission & post game entertainment. Come see what shenanigans we've been up to starting 7:30ish Eastern (earthcam.com)
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When looking to sell your counterfeit cash and the printing machine you made it with, a) don't go to a pawn shop, and b) if you do, don't sign a release and agree to be on the shop's reality show (clickondetroit.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Why computers are awesome: Medicare inspectors were able to uncover $5.6 billion in potential fraud by running a statistical analysis on all 1 billion prescriptions filled at retail pharmacies that were billed to Medicare last year (kens5.com)
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Why yes, Jon Stewart is taking The Daily Show on the road in August to warm, sunny Florida. I wonder why he'd do that? (610wiod.com)
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| |
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And On The Seventh Day, God Rested. But oil fell (bloomberg.com)
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"They're obviously not very smart to go inside a house full of poison," said the owner of a home surrounded by a giant fumigation tent two burglars broke into (sun-sentinel.com)
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Judge rules that if you're operating a medical marijuana-related business and you default on a loan, it's totally cool because marijuana is illegal federally so therefore your loan contract is null and void (azcentral.com)
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Iowa Governor: Obama is changing his stance on gay marriage to get the Hollywood money that, were it not for the President's gay marriage stance, would have been going to Mitt Romney (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
|
| (Some Guy Who Believes) |
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Obama is the "small government president." No, he says so himself. So you just know it's true (sayanythingblog.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
On May 5th President Barack Obama officially launched his re-election campaign. What is the significance of May 5th? As Obama and his friends undoubtedly know, it is Karl Marx's birthday (christianconceptsdaily.com)
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Wallenda nearly slips off wire during Baltimore tightrope stunt. This is not a repeat from 1978 (nydailynews.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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TSA puts 18-month-old baby on no-fly list. One down, several million to go (wpbf.com)
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Before being sentenced to twenty-two years in prison for killing a 90-year-old man, inmate vows to repent in prison and asks the court for mercy. Then he flips off the television cameras (azfamily.com)
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The seven weirdest creatures under the sea. Sweet dreams (gizmodo.com)
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You may have been poor in your life, but hopefully you have never been "Garbage Chicken" poor (edition.cnn.com)
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Not so sharp woman goes to hospital, promptly swallows two scalpels. When surgeon tries to remove them he accidently cut her with one of them and she bleeds to death. Ta-da (thelocal.se)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Republicans mourn the passage of Amendment One and celebrate the LGBT accomplishments of Dick Cheney (logcabin.org)
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By coming out in support of gay marriage, Obama is already inspiring action in Congress (thehill.com)
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Network to air political drama about a philandering former President of the United States and his Secretary of State ex-wife. Fark: Network insists the series is fictional (dailymail.co.uk)
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DSM 5 to eliminate Asperger's Syndrome. That's a sign clear enough even for Aspies to see (nytimes.com)
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Jenny the Dry Erase Board Girl (actress Elyse Porterfield) on life after becoming a meme and before her debut on 'Parks and Recreation' tonight (ramblingbeachcat.com)
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After months of campaigning on social issues, Romney upset that reporters keep asking about social issues. "Aren't there issues of significance that you'd like to talk about?" (thedailybeast.com)
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Thank you for banking with sh*ty bank (money.cnn.com)
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Having conquered all problems at home, Best Korea spends its days jamming GPS signals in Not-Best Korea (news.slashdot.org)
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Noble Group's quarterlies anything but magnanimous (marketwatch.com)
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Twitter during brain surgery? It's almost like being there (cnn.com)
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Computer editor spends a week with IE9 as his default browser and still lives to tell about it (lifehacker.com)
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Study finds women's sexual appetite peaks Saturday night at 11 o'clock, 10 Central (dailymail.co.uk)
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A new drug, Truvada has been shown to 94% effective in preventing AIDS infections in healthy people - which is why AIDS prevention advocates fear it will be a disastrous to their efforts to prevent the spread of AIDS (abcnews.go.com)
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Obama will forever be remembered as the "Washington, AC/DC President" (msnbc.msn.com)
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Here, take this amphetamine and another drug that removes your need for sleep, and let's see what that does to your sense of humor (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Half of all British men will be obese by 2040, the remainder after midnight (telegraph.co.uk)
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"Same sex marriage does nothing to prevent the deterioration of marriage among non-affluent Americans." With bonus insult: "flagging liberal enthusiasm for the president" (thedailybeast.com)
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A memorial for those killed in the train accident should a) provide a place for quiet reflection, b) have a plaque listing the victims, c) give teens and prostitutes a great new place to have sex (myfoxdc.com)
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The missing Russian jet apparently crashed into a Pacific island volcano, appeasing the Waponi fire god for one more year (uk.news.yahoo.com)
|
| (Fox Sports Local) |
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Robert Griffin III™ trademarks RG3™ (foxsportssouthwest.com)
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Ford is back as the number five most profitable company in the country right now thanks to Obama's bailout. Oh, wait....., (newsbusters.org)
|
| (santa cruz sentinel) |
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$27,000 Great Dane show dog stolen. Police have no leads (santacruzsentinel.com)
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| (NBCWashington) |
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Bike thief punked by victim after trying to sell it on Craigslist (nbcwashington.com)
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Turn your $700 toy into a $20 toy (wired.com)
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If Geek Squad calls and tells you to put all your phones into the freezer to contain the computer virus, they're probably not really Geek Squad (youtube.com)
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Entirely everything you ever wanted to know about Animaniacs. Hellllllloooooo facts (mentalfloss.com)
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India Central Bank scrambles to pick up the blinking rupee (cnbc.com)
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A new species of spiders that create trapdoors to catch their prey is discovered in: A) the Amazon, B) the Congo, or C) Auburn University (mnn.com)
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NFL players found to live longer than the general population. Probably because most Americans now outweigh the average starting offensive line (usatoday.com)
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James Brown took time off from the afterlife to possess a contestant on American Idol on Thursday night (youtube.com)
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Bombardier Q1 net craters on lack of jets (bloomberg.com)
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Brent Anderson's Ultimate Frisbee catch during this week's game may not be the greatest of all time, but it's hanging in the Top 5 (youtube.com)
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Scientists have found the neurotransmitter responsible for something or other (sciencedaily.com)
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Losing grip on your sanity will often cost you your corporate sponsors as well (guardian.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop a keyboard action that would do something in real life... LGT example (i218.photobucket.com)
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The US Supreme Court is once again ready to elect the president this November (chicagotribune.com)
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I'll see your occasional blue lobster and raise you with a rare calico-colored lobster. Simply delicious (nydailynews.com)
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Roger Ebert on Dark Shadows: "[Burton] approaches it as an amusing trifle, and for a feature-length film, we need more than attitude" (rogerebert.suntimes.com)
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Thief breaks bottle over clerk's head to make his escape. The very same bottle he was trying to abscond with (clickorlando.com)
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Lessons learned from inmate's challenge to Obama in West Virginia? 1: They're stupid in WV, 2: See 1 (nbcpolitics.msnbc.msn.com)
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"SOHO went into 'Emergency Sun Reacquisition' mode on 5/4/12, caused by a false trigger of the Coarse Sun Pointing Attitude Anomaly Detector." That's NASA talk for "OMG, we're not alone" (foxnews.com)
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Trinitrons keeping Sony's outlook disappointing, fuzzy (bloomberg.com)
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Was Christina Aguilera's sparkly hot pants a good look? Well, it depends (dailymail.co.uk)
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It used to be just two talks you had to give your kids, the "birds and the bees" and the more delicate discussion of how to navigate a healthy sexual life as a young adult. Now there's a third - Internet porn (nytimes.com)
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The Avengers' official chef shows you how to make a shawarma (youtube.com)
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Ancient Mayan skull said to have magical powers- stolen from Tibet by Nazis - is damaged in a fall after lab techs fail to properly protect it in a refrigerator (thelocal.de)
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Possibly one of the strangest things that you'll ever witness. William Shatner (Captain Kirk from the Star Trek) to host an episode of a British comedy quiz show (guardian.co.uk)
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Starbucks: Using mind control to get you hot under the collar (consumerist.com)
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Rupert Murdoch's tabloid chief was allowed to sit in on national intelligence meetings. Was that wrong? I mean really, what's the worst that could've happened? (guardian.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
To the untrained ear, Barkley was making a playful jab. But to the expert that is earus teabagus, one hears the truth: Charles Barkley wants to kill the next POTUS and rape his children, because they're white (godfatherpolitics.com)
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Vegas now has point spreads for 240 of the 256 games of the upcoming NFL season. See how many wins Vegas predicts your team to have (or not, if you're a Browns fan) (sports.yahoo.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Terrorists will not mail you a package with the word "explosives" on it (1035superx.com)
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Cubs fans: Circle July 11th on your calendar. That's when the organization breaks ground for their new stadium (azcentral.com)
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Old and busted: RON PAUL. New hotness: GARY JOHNSON (abcnews.go.com)
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You know how you've always said you were better than those NFL refs? The NFL would like a word with you (msn.foxsports.com)
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Four golfers who you'll be ignoring at The Players Championship this weekend as Tiger melts down again (nytimes.com)
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The Whomping Willow strikes again (thesun.co.uk)
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Why do Americans consume 80% of the worlds painkillers? BECAUSE WE CAN (bbc.co.uk)
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Marine returns home from deployment to surprise his 6-old-son who has cerebral palsy. Little boy gives him a surprise of his own (dailymail.co.uk)
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Joss Whedon will not stop being Joss Whedon because The Avengers has gone to his head (avclub.com)
|
| (BulletinAtomic) |
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NATO's imaginary ballistic missile system: Since NATO is treating the system as if it were a reality, Russia insists it will take out the system by force...except the missile system doesn't exist (thebulletin.org)
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The 70-Year-Old Virgin (thesun.co.uk)
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Medical predictions for the 21st century from 1955 are in many cases not that far off (io9.com)
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Q. What do you do when you habitually ingest a product not fit for human consumption,it's labeled not fit for human consumption and you acknowledge you are aware it's not fit for human consumption? A. Sue the guy that sold it to you (readingeagle.com)
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When your cab's taking too long to arrive do you a) keep waiting patiently, b) call another cab, or c) jump on a moving train (cbc.ca)
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Could humans hibernate? Verdict: kind of (mentalfloss.com)
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Heavy rains lead to more Wisconsin dairy air (jsonline.com)
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Sixth graders made porn video at Mexican school. As this happened in Mexico and not the U.S., no teachers were involved (hosted.ap.org)
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Sofia Vergara and boyfriend break up, presumably because of communication issues (upi.com)
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Indian cricket player bites opponent's ear off. I lobe this game (news.com.au)
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Everyone's favorite state is now attempting to import naked Europeans. (video) (video.foxnews.com)
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That guy next to you on the subway, shaking his leg like he's trying to remove dog crap on his shoe? Not to worry, he's just texting his wife he's running late for dinner (news.cnet.com)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 366: "Happy Farktography Anniversary 7". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
|
Wed May 09, 2012
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If you're going to protest a yellow card, the only way to do so is to moonwalk (nesn.com)
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Seattle firefighters earn their dough by freeing pizza maker stuck in dough machine. Truly, they are the upper crust (blog.seattlepi.com)
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Bronzed NJ mom inspires 'tanorexic' action figure, which frighteningly looks more human than the inspiration (seattlepi.com)
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Merkel won't swallow the new French president's economic plan. (w/ won't-swallow pic that you can't unsee) (smh.com.au)
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Colin Powell's new book makes the stunning revelation of what we already knew (huffingtonpost.com)
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You might not expect that ziplining would lead to a flesh-eating bacteria infection, but this link, and the cutie involved, are indeed greened afterwards (cbsnews.com)
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Fishermen save suicidal man who jumped into river. Thank goodness they didn't believe in catch-and-release (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)
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Imprompteux Nola Fark Party shaping up for Friday night at Cooter Brown's... DIT (fark.com)
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Apparently, the idea of making misbehaving students wear those cone thingies that dogs wear so they don't chew themselves to death hasn't gotten old for teachers in Florida. Dug surrenders (wtsp.com)
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Mitt Romney main point on Obama's support is that he's a flip-flopper (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Josh Beckett was golfing with Clay Buchholz just two days before he missed s start due to muscle stiffness. But at least he wasn't eating chicken and drinking beer (espn.go.com)
|
| (DailyShowUnited) |
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Delta pulled its commercials from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart because it listened to a guy who once said "Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity" (dailyshowunited.com)
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Yankees closer Mariano Rivera has right calf closed by blood clot (wtop.com)
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If LoLCats make us smarter, we should have cured cancer by now (news.com.au)
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The Atlantic notices how FARK picked up a tall tale about Abraham Lincoln (6 paragraphs from the end) (theatlantic.com)
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| (Calgary Herald .com) |
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"Born-again atheists are as irritating as born-again religious persons" (calgaryherald.com)
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He's gonna need a bigger boat (NSFW language) (youtube.com)
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If the damage from "The Avengers" really happened, how much would it actually cost? (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com)
|
| (wdtn.com) |
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Dock collapses during prom photo shoot due to pier pressure (wdtn.com)
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To help prove that conservatives are not sexist, Rush Limbaugh forms "Rush Babes for America", complete with bumper stickers with what a silhouetted sexy babe might look like (news.yahoo.com)
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Johnny Depp's long fingernails made it difficult for him to pull out Li'l Barnabas on the set of "Dark Shadows" (thesun.co.uk)
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Shepard Smith warns GOP to steer clear of the only side of history it knows (mediamatters.org)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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From the 'It's about god damned time' department: DOJ plans to sue Sheriff Joe over allegations of civil rights violations (abc15.com)
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| |
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Rupee fails to do the needful against the dollar (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Red Sox P.A. announcer Carl Beane dies in car crash-ash-ash (pressherald.com)
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Leftists' oppressive seatbelt laws must end now (wnd.com)
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Article hints at why Obama may be "coming out" tonight and changing his stance on gay marriage: "A review of those who have brought in $500,000 or more for the campaign shows that about one in six are gay" (washingtonpost.com)
|
| (The Local Norway) |
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Bank to customer: "Sorry, we no longer handle cash of any kind over the counter" (thelocal.no)
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Another possible closeout day for the Clippers at Memphis and the Heat hosting the Knicks in Miami. Of course, as goes Chalmers, so go the Heat. Games begin at 7PM on TNT (espn.go.com)
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How to use Microsoft Kinect to detect autism. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. UH-OH (popsci.com)
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Mayor Bloomberg to ride Obama's coattails about same-sex marriage. Fabulous (politicker.com)
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The latest gang to invade and threaten residents of south Florida: feral ducks. Difficulty: They're federally protected, so moving them is prohibited (articles.sun-sentinel.com)
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What did people in 1859 think of the Great Solar Storm? They 23 skidoo'd their drawers (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Cop: "Sir, could you step out of the car, please?" Driver: "Uhhh... no speako Englisho" (ctpost.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Wolfenstein 3D is 20 years old. Let's kill Hitler (wolfenstein.bethsoft.com)
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National survey indicates six percent of Canadians prefer Internet to sex -- results that seem counter-Inuitive (upi.com)
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Anna Faris: "I probably won't star in Scary Movie 5." She should have thought of that four Scary Movies ago (digitalspy.com)
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Keane: "Fake pop has taken over the charts." Remember, folks, use only certified, genuine pop for your pop needs (nme.com)
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DDR4 memory is coming soon. I'm pretty sure that no one wants memories of my Dance Dance Revolution moves (arstechnica.com)
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Fark-ready headline: Fish and Game seizes stuffed, hat-wearing wolverine from Georgetown bar (blogs.sacbee.com)
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Obnoxious new anti-piracy warnings make DVD buying worse. For you younger folks: DVDs were hardcopies of digitized films that you couldn't legally transfer electronically. Strange, I know (boingboing.net)
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I saw a wolf in New Brunswick for the first time in 150 years. His hair was perfect (ctv.ca)
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"The answer is I don't sit around twiddle-farking my life away, playing video games, watching TV or movies, which is what a lot of those guys waste their time doing" - says some guy building his own car (jalopnik.com)
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Bill Romanowski says Cris Carter's pants are on fire (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)
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Vogue editor Anna Wintour banned Kim Kardashian from Met Ball, although the narrow door would've taken care of that for her (starpulse.com)
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In the "I knew it all along" department, that "revenge-filled dentist pulled out ex-boyfriend's teeth" article was a hoax (news.yahoo.com)
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Tobey Maguire talks to Andrew Garfield in Spider-Man summit. At least they got along better than Roger Moore and Sean Connery (popwatch.ew.com)
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Tim Burton, Tim Burton, Tim Burton (hitfix.com)
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Report: Thousands of hot blooded foreigners voting in elections. Doesn't feel like the first time this has happened (610wiod.com)
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Catalyst for higher stocks is no catalyst. What is it now? A muffin? A elephant? A rear view mirror? (marketwatch.com)
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"Whether it is today or tomorrow or next year or the next, we will win. Gay and lesbian couples in this state will have full protection under the law. We all know it, and everybody in this building knows it" (denverpost.com)
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Drawing an Iranian Parliament Member wearing a soccer jersey? That's a lashin' (boingboing.net)
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BioShock Infinite lives up to its name in regards to development time (ign.com)
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84 year old Korean War vet uses his sidearm that he carried in battle to ward off burglar who obviously never saw Gran Torino (nydailynews.com)
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When Breitbart blogger told a Tea Party crowd they had to kill Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-MO) because she's an "evil monster," he didn't mean they had to actually KILL her. Why do you libs have to take everything so seriously? (mediamatters.org)
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"Join Barack Obama and wish Michelle a happy Mother's Day." What is this, North Korea? I have my own mother (andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com)
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Will tonight be the night we find out if the Eastern Conference Finals will be a 1994 redux, or will the Caps force a Game 7? Your Rangers - Caps Game 6 thread (nhl.com)
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Photoshop this overcast outlook (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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Cool: Guy hand-forges his own wedding ring. Fark: Out of a meteorite (io9.com)
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Coffee shop also provides paternity tests, urine tests, notary, and tax prep. I assume that it's inside a TARDIS (boingboing.net)
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Which way are you goin'? (fark.com)
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Jessica Simpson signs $3 million deal to stare at herself in the mirror (radaronline.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Old, busted: miniature giant space hamsters. New hotness: miniature giant mammoths (phys.org)
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 |
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The Harley-Davidson that Bobby Petrino wrecked his marriage, his face, and his girlfriend's engagement on, is up for auction. It is valued at $16,000 but sustained $18,000 worth of damage (al.com)
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Because everyone knows that Bush was president in 1978 (foxnews.com)
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Good: The crack in Amy Pond's wall is gone. Bad: It's now The Nexus. Fark: It's trillions of miles long (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Internet heathens won't watch this and probably won't be greenlit so why even bother? (youtube.com)
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Search engine for Over-50s launches, offends everyone (stylist.co.uk)
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Secret X37B Space Plane a 'Spectacular Success,' except for the Secret part (news.yahoo.com)
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Notre Dame to the ACC? It is more likely than you think (bleacherreport.com)
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And now, a Batman helmet right out of the 1920s (io9.com)
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Family escape blazing inferno by leaping onto trampoline (with bonus pic of terrified one-year-old) (dailystar.co.uk)
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Rupert Murdoch would like you to know he's totally in favor of a woman's right to vote, even if he lets whack-jobs appear on his TV networks who say it was "the greatest mistake America ever made" (blog.seattlepi.com)
|
| (BGR) |
|
Wake up call: 59% of mobile apps don't earn enough to break even [infographic] (bgr.com)
|
| (Colbert Nation) |
|
It takes a great man to honor greatness, and none more greater than Stephen Colbert to honor the late Maurice Sendak with these previously unaired segments of their time together (May contain some naughty words) (colbertnation.com)
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 |
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Ke$ha working with Iggy Pop on second album. How can you tell them apart? (gigwise.com)
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Breaking down the most annoying, drunk and stupid types of sports fans (here's looking at you, soccer snob) (bleacherreport.com)
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Despite what you may have heard from Arsenio Hall, Aubrey O'Day is not a slut. You may go about your business now (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
|
| (CBS DFW) |
|
If you must rob somebody, don't rob a police officer. But if you must rob a police officer, don't rob one in uniform. But still, if you MUST rob a police officer in uniform, don't go into the police station to do it (dfw.cbslocal.com)
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Fannie Mae finally solvent, Americans still broke (latimes.com)
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One more reason to hate the great Pacific garbage patch: It's become a massive breeding ground for scary-looking water bugs (mnn.com)
|
| (The Big Picture) |
|
Gas prices are falling - that's good. But it's likely because the economy is faltering as well - that's bad. If you still want to vote for Obama you can get your free frogurt, though everyone should know by now how cursed it is (ritholtz.com)
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Tonight: Obama to endorse gay marriage Tomorrow: will divorce Michelle. Friday: will marry Biden (guardian.co.uk)
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Because nothing represents Habitat for Humanity quite like the Phillie Phanatic (withleather.uproxx.com)
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Kristen Stewart is a closet planker (ok.co.uk)
|
| (Joe The Peacock) |
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Maybe gay marriage dodged a bullet - check out the bizarre laws in North Carolina for legalized marriage for first cousins (joethepeacock.blogspot.com)
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Democrats are mad at George Soros for spending $100m to get them elected. On page two, details of hell freezing over (nytimes.com)
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Kraft fined for allegations of underweight Oscar Mayer "meats" (azcentral.com)
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"President Obama's inability to simply state he's for or against gay marriage is unacceptable." - President Obama (theonion.com)
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Filmdrunk was so impressed by Fark's 'Avengers' headline that they featured it in their morning roundup. No... it's down a ways... further... further... well maybe they weren't *that* impressed (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)
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Hello, 911? I've been carjacked. BY A GOAT (with pic of suspect) (thesun.co.uk)
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Foul ball lands in your beer? No problem ... just chug the whole cup to the delight of the entire stadium (w/video) (deadspin.com)
|
| (Business Insider) |
|
Establishment GOP: "Say there, Mr.No-Chance-in-Winning Candidate Ron Paul, you're, uh, getting quite a bit o' delegates on your side there" (businessinsider.com)
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| |
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Grateful Dead drummer has book deal. Chapters will go on endlessly but people are encouraged to make free copies (news.yahoo.com)
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In between dinner with Fortune and foreclosing on troops, JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon finds time to claim credit for everything good in the world, blame Occupy Wall Street for everything bad, and say CEOs are victims of discrimination (huffingtonpost.com)
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 |
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Endangered jaguars are making endangered sea turtles even more endangered (earthtimes.org)
|
| (Some SMRT guy) |
|
Eastern Michigan University sees 12.4% increase in students taking remedial courses. Wait, almost HALF of them? That's unpossible (annarbor.com)
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Disney is wasting no time cashing in on the Avengers thrill ride. Actually, it's not a ride. It's more like over priced hats and tee shirts, but you get the idea (bloomberg.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Dollar bill received in change has signatures of WWII B17 crew. All I get is "Where's George" (sj-r.com)
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Will Smith is big in Mexico. BIENVENIDO A EARF (showbizspy.com)
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The twelve most bizarre political campaign ads of the YouTube era. "I'm not a witch. I'm you" (alternet.org)
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Senator Claire McCaskil (D-Missouri) gets offered money by Stephen Colbert's SuperPAC during interview, turns it down (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Pit bull mauls owner. Just kidding, pit bull pulls unconscious owner off of train tracks and then lays down between owner and oncoming train. Truly, the world's greatest menace (ksdk.com)
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If Ren Hoek ran for office, this would be his campaign commercial. With whizzing on the electric fence goodness (youtube.com)
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No-talent assclown scores hole-in-one (espn.go.com)
|
| (CBS Houston) |
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"I love Ozzie Guillen. Dude is fiery and passionate. I'm legit honored that he told me to f*ck off today when I asked him about his Castro comments" (houston.cbslocal.com)
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If you thought Oprah Winfrey was too big to fail, guess again (huffingtonpost.com)
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Nurses rally scheduled to coincide with the NATO summit in downtown Chicago has its permit pulled by the city after the group books noted troublemaker Tom Morello (rollingstone.com)
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Who puts water on cereal? (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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A mass brawl forced the abandonment of a crucial Romanian league derby. The goalkeeper ran after the scorer as he celebrated and pushed him to the ground. And everything started there (eitb.com)
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Anyone else hear Joey from Friends when you read "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Well, you will from now on. Anyway, you should be able to buy Gary Coleman's ashes on eBay soon (sltrib.com)
|
| (NBCDFW) |
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It takes nine years for school to be taught how to spell its own name (nbcdfw.com)
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Care to have a drink while at Disneyland? Today's your lucky day, as Disney opens membership in the legendary, secretive Club 33 to 100 lucky people willing to pony up $25,000 + 10k a year (latimes.com)
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YouTuber claims to have found evidence of another spaceship near the Sun from SOHO footage. Yes, another one (news.com.au)
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'They're my dinner,' says lizard smuggler - and offers to bite the head off one as proof (thelocal.de)
|
| (Some Transplant) |
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Okay, so apparently there is a Plan B (rightwingwatch.org)
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Health workers are advised that calling overweight patients obese could be seen as "derogatory". Instead it might be better to suggest they obtain a 'healthier weight' (thesun.co.uk)
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Today is Howard Carter's 138th birthday. Egyptians celebrate by breaking into his tomb (en.wikipedia.org)
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Lead singer of punk band "Against Me" says he's undergoing a sex change because he's always felt like a woman trapped in a man's body-a lesbian woman, however, so he's going to stay married to his wife (abcnews.go.com)
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You are a convicted sex offender. Released early do you: A) Right the wrongs of the past, B) Start an awareness campaign against sex abuse, or C) fire up some porn on your laptop in a crowded McDonald's? (wsbtv.com)
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Maidenform profits sag, lack investor support (marketwatch.com)
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2012 has been the warmest year on record. This is not a repeat from 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, or 2002, and certainly does not reflect any sort of measurable trend. Besides, it's snowing somewhere (content.usatoday.com)
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War on CEOs™ claims another victim as Shareholder's Spring gets into full swing (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (Northern Star) |
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Rugby player runs down thief attempting to steal his ute. What is a ute? (northernstar.com.au)
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Those F-16 parts you're buying on Craigslist? The seller may be a no-show. Bonus: News video of the story shows an F-15 (kmov.com)
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Meet the guy who sent global markets reeling after his Greek victory; wait until he cleanses his whole economy (cnbc.com)
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Some days, being a scientist is pretty dull. On other days, you come up with a plan to air-drop poisoned mice by parachute to wipe out an army of two million snakes (bbc.co.uk)
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AOL somehow managed to make money in the first quarter of 2012 (deadline.com)
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Cris Carter admits he used to put bounties on players who were trying to injure him, which means the Saints are to be awarded three Super Bowls and Jonathan Vilma is automatically President (espn.go.com)
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Crazy Nintendo A Cappella + Beatbox theme song cover (youtube.com)
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Intellectual property thieves have their intellectual property stolen (theregister.co.uk)
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Unborn fetuses are not people. Unless their pregnant mother is visiting the White House, then they count as people (washingtontimes.com)
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You get the feeling from reading this Mets article that the author is a Fark reader (nydailynews.com)
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Don't go to law school, it's time to drop the fries, and 26 other things new college grads should know (forbes.com)
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How not to sell new airliners: take 44 customers up on a demonstration flight for a demonstration crash (cnn.com)
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Kobayashi downs 42 cups of coffee in front of guy from Half Baked (youtube.com)
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The real reason Fox is somehow "America's Poison" is because of its willingness to go around the liberal censorship wish list and define what is "fit to print" in a different way (townhall.com)
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The old "Sorry officer, that arrest warrant is for my dead identical twin brother" defense ... turns out to be true. Fark: FBI had to come to good twin's aid (wrcbtv.com)
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Tennessee tow-truck maker finds out Scottish soccer fans aren't as welcoming as had been promised, changes mind about buying team. Glasgow Rangers fans rejoice with their nearly £200 million debt (wrcbtv.com)
|
| (Some Pot Farmer) |
|
T'aint corn. It's dope. Take a bushel home for the wife (bnd.com)
|
 |
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This Situation Room looks shopped. I can tell from some of the herp derp and from spewing quite a few wharrgarbls in my time (americanthinker.com)
|
| (Twitchy) |
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North Carolina voters approve gay marriage ban; tolerant liberals say: "go kill yourselves, you redneck f*cktards" (twitchy.com)
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Another lawyer tries out the "my client is alive so he couldn't possibly have a .41% BAC" defense (bostonherald.com)
|
| (NBCNewYork) |
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'Butt dials' account for nearly 40 percent of NYC 911 calls (nbcnewyork.com)
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| (tech news daily) |
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Nielsen survey finds that older white men have the fewest number of smart phones, most VCRs still flashing 12:00 (technewsdaily.com)
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Do you like Asian girls? How about bras that resemble small fish tanks? Well then, I have some great news for you my friend (w/ pics) (myfoxdc.com)
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After last night's primary, Wisconsin's recall election has shaped up as basically a "do-over" of the 2010 gubernatorial election (foxnews.com)
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It's safe to say former Texas Tech coach Mike Leach keeps up with Internet memes, considering he autographed a copy of his memoir with "CJK5H" (deadspin.com)
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Jonah Goldberg would like you to know that when he'd said on his website he'd been nominated for two Pulitzers, what he really meant was that he'd been nominated for zero Pulitzers, and sorry if that caused any confusion (openchannel.msnbc.msn.com)
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Obama knew "early" of John Edwards' affair, which naturally raises the question: Shouldn't Obama be on trial, too? (content.usatoday.com)
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Photoshop these spiral spies (msnbcmedia1.msn.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Pissed off that Spirit is getting all the good headlines, Delta calls cops on VoIP user making a VoIP call above 10,000 feet on Delta's inflight wifi service (thenextweb.com)
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Dick Lugar does not go gently into that good night, lashes out at the Tea Party upstart who defeated him, giving Democrats plenty of ammunition for the November election (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Former Yankees outfielder arrested after playing in the minors (nypost.com)
|
| (Geeks Are Sexy) |
|
Discover what the numbers on your credit card actually mean (geeksaresexy.net)
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Avengers 2 has been greenlit. Your Wednesday Avengers natter starts here. Avengers. Hulk Smash. Shwarma (tv.yahoo.com)
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Obama faced a much tougher primary fight in West Virginia than expected with his challenger, Keith Judd, recieving almost 40% of the vote, despite the fact that Judd is currently an inmate in federal prison (abcnews.go.com)
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Your estranged wife wants to vote for a Democrat. Do you: C) throw yourself in front of her moving vehicle? (jsonline.com)
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The thing with Josh Hamilton is he can't just stop with one belt. He'll want another, then another, then another (sports.yahoo.com)
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Murdering your wife and then claiming that she shot herself will not hold up in court if your wife is paralyzed and can't hold a gun. You probably should have known this, being a judge and all (cbc.ca)
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Seattle Times thinks this Fark headline is a real winner. "Redskins officially name RG3 as starting quarterback, ending weeks of non-speculation" (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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Because a mountain lion attacking your campground isn't [scary] enough, let's give that mountain lion rabies (azcentral.com)
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Andy Pettitte gets called up to AAAA ball, will start against Seattle on Sunday (msn.foxsports.com)
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New evidence indicates the Germans may have launched a crewed rocket into space in 1933. Soar krauts (io9.com)
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What's worse than finding out your soldier husband was killed? Meeting his other wife when you both try to claim his body (dailymail.co.uk)
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He brings a fist, you bring a train. It's the Sacramento way (sacbee.com)
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Michele Bachmann (R-Switzerland) successfully trolls the United States (politico.com)
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The Man Who Declared War on Gravity. Gravity: 1 Guy you never heard of: 0 (io9.com)
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The Catholic League attempts to bully sponsors of The Daily Show for the show's use of "vagina mangers" to express a point. Kellogg responds by "telling Christians to shove it", presumably right in the vagina manger (blogs.ajc.com)
|
Tue May 08, 2012
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North Carolina to gays: Equal rights - not yours (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Home run bounces off man's crotch, hits woman in face, impregnates hot dog vendor (deadspin.com)
|
| (Some Swinger) |
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First Dodge Dart leaves the factory, begins rusting (rrstar.com)
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| |
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Then: Crazy cat hoarder. Now: Crazy pig hoarder (nj.com)
|
| (Hartford Courant) |
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A candidate for the Connecticut legislature spent $59.05 of his own money to set up an Internet website the state would have spent $180,000 on (courantblogs.com)
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Rihanna boasts that she can turn straight women bisexual. Evidence, please (thesun.co.uk)
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10 things you didn't know about Maurice Sendak. 11 if you slept in today (mentalfloss.com)
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In news that would have been welcomed in 1997, Gwen Stefani announces the new No Doubt album will be released this September (spinner.com)
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Fox News: "Women make less than men by choice." Preposterous. Everyone knows that women make more sandwiches than men (newshounds.us)
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"...and traffic is blocked for miles on I-35 due to a pudding fire" (desmoinesregister.com)
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Khan appointed Minister of Enterprise. KHAAAAAN (cbc.ca)
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High school pictures of the cast of "The Avengers." HULK HAVE JAW ALIGNMENT PROBLEMS (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)
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Four elimination games tonight as the Magic, Bulls, Hawks, and Nuggets each try to stay alive. Fun starts at 7pm eastern in tonight's first round NBA Playoff thread (sports.yahoo.com)
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Teabagger puts Dick down (cbsnews.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: This is your brain on drugs. (LGT inspiration) (pics.livejournal.com)
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Five-year-old rescued after falling into fast-food grease pit. Doctors declare her healthy and mouth-watering (tennessean.com)
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Wendy's profits down thanks to higher horse prices (cnbc.com)
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After only campaigning for five years, you can't expect Mitt Romney to have a position on a major issue like immigration yet (huffingtonpost.com)
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Astronomers look on as Galactus cooks his next meal (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Well the Western Conference Finals were finalized last night with Phoenix's win. Tonight the Devils have a chance to earn a spot in the Eastern Finals. Will that happen or will the Flyers force a Game 6? The puck drops at 7:30 Eastern (tsn.ca)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Indianapolis Mayor Greg Ballard changed the poll sites, which isn't that funny until you consider the fact that his wife showed up at the wrong polling location (indydemocrat.blogspot.com)
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Guy puts on dog shock collar. Hilarity ensues (youtube.com)
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The unemployment rate should be 7.1% (blogs.wsj.com)
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Are you a big fan of the original Dark Shadows series? Then today's your lucky day. You can now get all 1,225 TV episodes in a 131-DVD box set. Bonus: It comes in a coffin (chicagotribune.com)
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"Community" might be coming back. There's a catch, though (warmingglow.uproxx.com)
|
| (Twitchy) |
|
Obama's 'Million Dollar Man' Bill Maher attacks Bristol Palin again (twitchy.com)
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Industries dependent on massive government handouts to even pretend that they make a profit, upset at these Tea Party people think that the government shouldn't prop up failing industries in favor of successful companies (hotair.com)
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Man stabs party-goers after cake dispute. No lie (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Princess Leia hoodie with sidebuns. THE FUTURE IS *HERE* (boingboing.net)
|
| (WCPO) |
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Absolute, indisputable, irrefutable evidence that there is no God: Professional food eater and human oil slick Guy Fieri has been tapped to drive the pace car at the Indianapolis 500 (wcpo.com)
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Working outside can KILL YOU (cnsnews.com)
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Terrell Owens turns to television psychology to meet the mothers of his many dropped passes (philly.com)
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Scientific progress goes *BOINK* (kob.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Sorry Rahm. The city limits of Chicago do not extend to Minnesota (minnesota.publicradio.org)
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Bowling for abortions (cnsnews.com)
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Does anyone else see a helicopter and think "Man I really hope some Red Dawn shiat kicks off? Because I am so ready for that (en.wikipedia.org)
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Thor + Corgi = Thorgi (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)
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When advertising low-cost vacations in Portugal to Brits, don't use a photo of a toddler, Madeleine McCann, who disappeared there (bbc.co.uk)
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Oh shiat, Your Honor (abovethelaw.com)
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The newest addiction sweeping the globe? Facebook addiction. If you tried to "Like" this headline, chances are you might be addicted (dailymail.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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If you're underage and drinking alcohol, be sure to drink enough so you won't get in trouble (939mia.com)
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Obama bravely killed Bin Laden, after bravely setting up a fall guy in case it failed (thedc.com)
|
| (ABC Cleveland) |
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The guys who tried to blow up a bridge in Cleveland weren't part of the Occupy movement, except for the one they featured on their website. Or the dozens of Occupy members who showed up to give support (newsnet5.com)
|
| (Some Shrimps) |
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Photoshop these colorful crustaceans (bigpicture.ru)
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Man digs up woman's dead pet chinchilla and sends photos of it to her. With helpful pic of what a woman might look like after being sent a picture of her recently exhumed pet chinchilla (nydailynews.com)
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The case for the 20-year-old age limit in the NBA. LeBron James seen rolling his eyes (grantland.com)
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Internet wine vendors are failing to check customer IDs allowing teens to by-pass the guy outside 7-11 (abcnews.go.com)
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If The Avengers were real, how would you react if they came to your town? (fark.com)
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SAVE THE DATE - Amsterdam Fark Party on Sept. 29 - Scheduled to appear: Drew (fark.com)
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Train horn attached to bicycle. *BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM* (boingboing.net)
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FCC: When can we shut down wireless serv (arstechnica.com)
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Man stabs his friend after argument about who can have the most sex. Captain Morgan was involved in this incident, probably in more ways than one (thesmokinggun.com)
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If a reality show is filming your arrest of an alleged car thief, it's easy to disprove your false claim you read him his rights (ktla.com)
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Firefighters rescue 9 ugly-ass ducklings from storm drain: "When somebody needs help, you got to try to help them as best you can, even if that somebody is a duck." Florida tag ducks out in favor of Sappy tag today (tampabay.com)
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The weirdest part of the Met Gala...Tom Brady's hair (newser.com)
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The Beastie Boys hit with copyright lawsuit. Hologram MCA is *pissed* (starpulse.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Cool: Mark Reynolds hits his first home run of the year. Cooler: Teammates give him the silent treatment. Fark: Reynolds leaves his coach hanging (camdenchat.com)
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Nebraska man officially changes his name to "Tyrannosaurus Rex." With helpful picture of what he may now look like (foxnews.com)
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Female Breasts Are Bigger Than Ever and then the headline goes on about something else (abcnews.go.com)
|
| (CBS DC) |
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Not news: Woman wearing a burka kicked out of Romney campaign event. Farking news: It was actually an Obama event (washington.cbslocal.com)
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Best stop-motion animation I've seen in a while, and the music's not bad either (youtube.com)
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Naked lady seen on the front of Canadian $20 bill. Dear god, I hope it's not the same lady (upi.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: man has patent application for Facebook rejected. News: in 1845. Fark: Abe Lincoln (natestpierre.me)
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"The Greatest Canadian" was a poor Baptist preacher that decided health care should be a fundamental right and then did something about it. Had he born in America, the US might be in better shape (neatorama.com)
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Woman gives birth in a Tim Horton's. This is the first time in years they've had a delivery that wasn't trucked in frozen from Ontario (cbc.ca)
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What mom really wants for Mother's Day -- an affair (abc2news.com)
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Popular media phrase "as addictive as cocaine" inaccurate and worthless. This headline is as good as cocaine (io9.com)
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Fox confirms Prometheus will be rated "R" for Rehash of Alien (deadline.com)
|
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Check out the 14 Photographs That Shatter Your Image of Famous People, from MLK hustling to a college-era Bill Clinton (cracked.com)
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Historians find first evidence of a cult in Judah, also known as Judea, at the time of King David. Sadly, they can't agree if it should be called the "Judean People's Front" or the "People's Front of Judea" (sciencedaily.com)
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Judge: "Perhaps you can display 60% of the Ten Commandments at school?" (610wiod.com)
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I said, THE CANADIAN RADIO-TELEVISION AND TELECOMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION ORDERS TV ADS TO TURN DOWN THE VOLUME (cbc.ca)
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Mitt Romney's 1981 arrest and 4 other times he completely lost his cool (theweek.com)
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From accurate headline to complete bullsh*t in two sentences. Stupid, Asinine and Dumbass tag pull a train on Scary tag for the ultimate Fail (money.cnn.com)
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Blazing rocket built from Kiwi ingenuity. Thank goodness it's not built from actual Kiwis (the people, the fruit, or the flightless bird) (3news.co.nz)
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UN nuclear inspector in Iran killed in car crash. *wink* (foxnews.com)
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Your made for Fark headline of the day: Once Upon A Time can't swing a dead fairy without hitting more tasty cheese (io9.com)
|
| (NorthJersey.com) |
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NJ 9th District Debate: Democrat Incumbent Pascrell vs. Democrat Incumbent Rothman. The sensation you're feeling is the Quickening. In the end, there can only be one (northjersey.com)
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Why high school sports need to die (forbes.com)
|
| (Chronicle of Higher Education) |
|
How's that Ph.D. in medieval history workin' out for ya? "I find it horrifying that someone who stands in front of college classes and teaches is on welfare" (chronicle.com)
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The Pentagon didn't cooperate with The Avengers production because they didn't want to be subordinate to S.H.I.E.L.D.. No, seriously (huffingtonpost.com)
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Who are these girls? And why are they humping the floor? (youtube.com)
|
| (ALICE COOPER) |
|
Recipe for awesome: Take 2/5 of Aerosmith, add 1 Alice Cooper and 1 Johnny Depp. Simmer, and enjoy (alicecooper.com)
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On this day in 1886, someone looking for a pain reliever instead found the recipe for the most disgusting pop on the market, Coke (wired.com)
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New study claims 42% of American adults will be obese by 2030, assuming they live that long (latimes.com)
|
| (Hot Pennsyltucky Mess) |
|
Woman allegedly beats husband with vacuum over his facial hair (phillyburbs.com)
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| |
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Deadmau5 almost became fried Deadmau5 (spinner.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Sasha Baron Cohen's original target for the Ryan Seacrest ashes prank on the red carpet was George Clooney (mega949.com)
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TSA still trying to kill diabetics (thedenverchannel.com)
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Sooooorrroooooossss (foxnews.com)
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Not news: Hottie finishes London Marathon, News: She's paralyzed, Fark: She does it in a bionic suit (gizmodo.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
"Sir, for the last time, I will not talk dirty to you. What is your emergency?" (940winz.com)
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How to survive a robot uprising. So Say We All (youtube.com)
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From now on, when asked a question you don't want to answer, just give a presidential response: "My views on this are evolving.". Bonus: Biden gaffes that make Bush look like a rocket surgeon (washingtonpost.com)
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Are the Democrats considering an unprecedented rich, white people ticket for 2016? (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
|
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What ever happened to saving the rain forests? Did we save them? (slate.com)
|
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|
Retail investors lining up to lose money on Facebook IPO (bloomberg.com)
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Vice President Biden claims Mitt Romney can't beat Obama. Did I say Biden? Sorry, I meant Michele Bachmann (abcnews.go.com)
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The only time left-wingers have taken charge in the last 40 years without decimating the economy was during the Clinton years when Republicans in Congress balanced the budget (townhall.com)
|
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Rihanna offered millions to appear nude in Playboy (dailystar.co.uk)
|
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If you think THIS financial crisis is bad, wait until you see the investment bankers of tomorrow (with bonus dry humping pic) (express.co.uk)
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Dustin Hoffman should definitely be on the scene if Quantas ever crashes. Definitely. He's an excellent driver, too (independent.co.uk)
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| |
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NBC picks up West Wing 2: Electric Boogaloo (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
"I know that I was going to blow a high number." Judging from the fact her car was in a flower garden, she knowed right (gainesville.com)
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If you have a BoA mortgage and you're more than two months behind in payments you might be eligible for up to 35% reduction in your monthly payment (finance.yahoo.com)
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Twilight star Kristen Stewart channels a 1980s prostitute at the Met Ball (ok.co.uk)
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Bowling alley bandits steal $30,000 in brazen robbery. Article has devastating puns-per-paragraph value and mugshot you can add to your collection (huffingtonpost.com)
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What do pansy-assed professional cricketers do once they've retired from the most genteel sport in the world? Well, this one enters boxing and MMA competitions (bbc.co.uk)
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Details of Helen Keller's secret love life revealed. I did not see that coming (huffingtonpost.com)
|
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What is...a stripper's ass? (wptv.com)
|
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Four kilos of coke reappear in police evidence locker after auditor notices missing drugs (bostonherald.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Apparently, UFOs are refreshing and delicious now (news.gather.com)
|
| |
|
USA Today speaks out against the 19 states that still permit corporal punishment in schools. That's a paddlin' (usatoday.com)
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Will Smith supports President Obama's call for higher taxes on the wealthy, says that more taxes should be paid by the rich people of Earf (insidemovies.ew.com)
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If Chris Christie gets the VP nod from Romney, it will spell doom ... for online gambling (philly.com)
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Indians offended that The Avengers depicts their third world hellhole as a third world hellhole (huffingtonpost.com)
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Vanderbilt robs Christian student groups of their religious freedom to not spread their faith to unbelievers (foxnews.com)
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Will Wisconsin decide to Falk Walker? Or will Democrats choose to grin and Barrett? Your Wisconsin primary election day thread discussion to the right -- (jsonline.com)
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I'll take my eggs over easy, lightly salted, and lodged inside of a snake, please (wptv.com)
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New $1600 vacuuming robot speaks three languages, sends photos, sucks (washingtonpost.com)
|
| (Some Meta-Study Guy) |
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Meh: Journalist doesn't like a study done on file-sharing used to promote SOPA. Interesting: Decides to post 20 studies to counter the studies claims (zeropaid.com)
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Meow, the 39 pound cat, crosses the reinforced concrete Rainbow Bridge (latimes.com)
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According to the Coroner's report, Thomas Kinkade, the "painter of light" was also the "Heavy duty popper of pills and drinker of booze" (abcnews.go.com)
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Rick Santorum finally issues his ringing, well, chiming perhaps, or really more of a reluctant clanking, "endorsement" of Mitt Romney saying he's the lesser of the two evils so maybe you should vote for him (news.yahoo.com)
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Vikings release their highest scorer, because clearly there's something wrong with him if he's willing to be a part of such a spectacular failure (espn.go.com)
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Bobby Brown to take another crack at marriage (tmz.com)
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| (StarTrek.com) |
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God is dead. Never did explain why he needed a starship (startrek.com)
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Ever wonder how long the galactic year is? This episode of Minute Physics can help. LGTV (youtube.com)
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Why does Saturday Night Live refuse to let NRO decide which sketches they air? Is it because they're communists hell bent on destroying America? (nationalreview.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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♪ If you're happy and you know it, rob a bank ♪ (939mia.com)
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This campaign "will be disappointing, embarrassing, and over very quickly, like a hand job in a Bangkok bathhouse" (rollingstone.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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How does NASA deal with a UFO coverup conspiracy charge? By taking away all those cool toys the public gets to play with (news.gather.com)
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Abraham Lincoln throws his hat into the Wisconsin recall election (ireport.cnn.com)
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Asshat starts chanting "choke, choke" while a girl is choking on a piece of food. Guess who got arrested? (nwfdailynews.com)
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Elizabeth Warren on why she lied about her "native heritage": Because she wanted to meet people "like her". Harvard Native American program: She never showed up here for anything, she just wanted the extra paycheck money (breitbart.com)
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In the story that keeps on giving, Saints coaches told players to do what it took to protect the coaches in Bountygate (espn.go.com)
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Christie Brinkley's aging clock continues to run in reverse (dailymail.co.uk)
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Obama lays out "to do" list for Congress. Congress says they'll get right on it after the game, and can he grab them another beer since he's up? (news.yahoo.com)
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New Obama campaign ad running in nine battleground states touts all of his accomplishments in his first term except for one. Care to guess which one it is? (townhall.com)
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What does The Hobbit's 48fps technology actually mean for cinema? (denofgeek.com)
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On the bright side, expect many more kung-fu movies to be shown (cnbc.com)
|
| (Dark Roasted Blend) |
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The strangest tanks in history (darkroastedblend.com)
|
| (Pharyngula) |
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Yesterday's news: Dinosaurs killed off by their own farts. Fark: The paper did not say that. Über-Obvious: One would think that no one would be dumb enough to get their science news from Fox News (freethoughtblogs.com)
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Who wouldn't love a sexy Bollywood Samba that featured scantily-clad Maria Menounos sandwiched between two hot hunks? Head judge Len Goodman ... that's who. #dumbass w/vid (bittenandbound.com)
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Attention 1980s tabletop gamer nerds: Car Wars is BACK (wired.com)
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Where the wild things were (nytimes.com)
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John McCain, 2008: "No ma'am, he's not an Arab, he's a good man." Mitt Romney, 2012: "Treason? I'll be happy to look into it." w/video (dailykos.com)
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Nomophobia: the fear of captioned cats? Or something more sinister? (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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The pernicious myth that slideshows drive traffic (theatlantic.com)
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Scientists solve mystery of boulders that move when no one's looking. Captain, over here - I found something. AAAAAAAAH (livescience.com)
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Brodie Smith's Top 21 Frisbee trick shots. Video wins the impossible #6 (youtube.com)
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Today is the 45th anniversary of the Battle of Con Thien. This is where subby's father was awarded the Bronze Star, and the Purple Heart. "Whatever It Takes" (youtube.com)
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Someone in talks to buy the Phoenix Coyotes. Presumably by accident (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)
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You have to admit, it's pretty funny when it's other people's children being scarred for life. RUUUUUN ....Runnn ..... runnnnn (youtube.com)
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Playboy model mistakes Mexican presidential debate for every other show on Mexican TV. w/ SFW pic, unless you work at a convent (reuters.com)
|
| (Some Lizard) |
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Fotoshp Theem: Life withoot a spllckecher (ops.org)
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The dedication. The drive. The fire. This. Is. Harvard. Baseball (youtube.com)
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Mitt "Let Detroit Go Bankrupt" Romney will "take a lot of credit" for the auto industry recovery (huffingtonpost.com)
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Officials say that several more bombs similar to the "improved underwear bomb" they just intercepted are "unaccounted for". Hope you'll enjoy giving TSA screening agents the newly federally mandated lap dance (abcnews.go.com)
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"People were even willing to forgo money in order to talk about themselves" (myfoxdc.com)
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Gwyneth Paltrow has developed breasts that grow sideways (ok.co.uk)
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Apparently unsatisfied with killing the photographer from the coroner's office, Obama's minions have now caused a witness to Breitbart's death to disappear. Either that or the guy just stopped taking calls from Wingnut Daily (wnd.com)
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Surely those eerie meows coming from the bathroom wall have nothing to do with our missing cat (thelocal.de)
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When you drink, you pass out in the yard. When you pass out in the yard, your party guests can't see you. When your party guests can't see you, one of them will drive over you. Don't let your party guests drive over you (wrcbtv.com)
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Ugly ass baby orangutan takes first climb at LA Zoo (youtube.com)
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"The Germans call this sort of thing 'a permanent bailout.' We just call it 'Missouri.'" Oh snap (theatlantic.com)
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Fresh from No Shiat Sherlock University, study finds "men tend to be more attracted to their female friends than the women felt toward their male pals." Just another day at The Huff (huffingtonpost.com)
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Bear decides to try out as the new school mascot (w/photos & video) (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Hudson Register-Star) |
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NY performance artist plans $15M theatre for long-duration works involving day-long staring exhibitions, plus a levitation hall and a crystal chamber where you can "absorb mineral energy" (registerstar.com)
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Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis unveil competing campaign ads (huffingtonpost.com)
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That's not a crocodile... That's a crocodile (nytimes.com)
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Disabled National Veterans Foundation took in $55.9 mil in donations & gave $61 mil to marketing companies. Vets got chef's coats & coconut M&Ms (cnn.com)
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Sniffing returned sex toys to see if they've been used: Britain's worst job? (thesun.co.uk)
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This is not a repeat from the 1939 World's Fair. AT&T introduces the house of the future. Where's my flying car? (venturebeat.com)
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Drunk college student jumps three stories into a pool. Missed it by THAT much (dailymail.co.uk)
|
| (WANE) |
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Not News: man gets DUI. News: with four children. Fark: strapped to the hood of a car (wane.com)
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Dad pulls son out of school rather than have him attend a forum about how to express one's religious beliefs respectfully (upi.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Australia is suffering from a 'man drought'. Women asked to be less selective. Men continue to avoid any woman with sharp knees (globalpost.com)
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Cops impound stolen van, saying they could not locate the owner. "A number was on the van, but due to the time of day it wasn't considered practical to call" (thesun.co.uk)
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"I guess I could understand people who aren't twins are like, you have 12 sets? But since we're twins, we're like, nope, it's pretty mainstream over here." High school, like, about to graduate 12 sets of twins (myfoxatlanta.com)
|
Mon May 07, 2012
| |
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Assassin bug wears victims' corpses as camouflage-armor (gizmodo.com)
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The 10 most disgusting pizzas from around the world (Bonus: not a slideshow) (mirror.co.uk)
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Frankenberry pleads not guilty to armed robbery charges. Count Chocula reputedly seeks plea agreement in exchange for testimony (billingsgazette.com)
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If you're going to use a fake ID to enter a bar, make sure the bouncer at the door isn't the owner of the original ID (press-citizen.com)
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To save coworker, man jumps into vat of acid. Vows revenge on the Batman (gizmodo.com)
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Naked, screaming and pouring gasoline on everything in your garage is no way keep your probation from being revoked, son (billingsgazette.com)
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Russian man almost dies living in the woods for a month rather than eat his wife's cooking (dailymail.co.uk)
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MLB imposes 100-game suspension on SF Giants reliever Guillermo Mota after he tests positive for a "performance enhancing drug," though with a 5.06 ERA I'm not sure it enhanced his performance (sports.yahoo.com)
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Babe Ruth's Boston home up for sale, will probably be picked up by someone from New York (msn.foxsports.com)
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Dolphins die of heroin overdose after zoo rave. So long and thanks for all the OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ (blog.seattlepi.com)
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I used to go for walks in the park like you, but then I took an arrow in the neck (dailymail.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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When accused of child molestation "I do a lot of stupid shiat when I'm drunk" may not be the best defense (blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com)
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| |
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Forget bullet trains until America fixes this: "A recent trainload of sulfur took some 27 hours to pass through Chicago - an average speed of 1.13 miles per hour, or about a quarter the pace of many electric wheelchairs" (nytimes.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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"They got away with at least $4-thousand worth of high-end corsets, leather items, and expensive massage lubricants before sheriff's deputies could respond" (940winz.com)
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First you'll go "meh" but then you'll go "woah" (youtube.com)
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Mr. Doe, show me on this masseur doll where John Travolta touched you (tmz.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Congratulations to Mexican Wolves F749 & M740, proud parents of eight adorable, rare, ugly-ass Mexican Wolf pups (nywolf.org)
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♬Brave James o'Keefe ran away / Bravely ran away, away / When danger reared its ugly head / He bravely turned his tail and fled / Yes, brave James O'keefe turned about / And gallantly he chickened out♬ (dailykos.com)
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Deputy sues hot female constable after she pulled her blouse over his head and forced him to motorboat her (huffingtonpost.com)
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Fruit of the Boom: CIA thwarts a new al-Qaida underwear bomb plot to destroy a U.S.-bound airliner. The attack was planned around the one-year anniversary of the killing of Osama bin Laden (cbsnews.com)
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Mark Wahlberg accidentally walked outside in his underwear on purpose (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
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Photoshop Theme: A More Sophisticated and Highbrow Fark (fark.com)
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Fark ready headline: "Another testicle ticket written in South Carolina" (seattlepi.com)
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Spurs prepare to put the Jazz out of their misery, while the Clippers hope they can keep Memphis from leveling the series. It's your NBA playoffs discussion thread. Games begin at 8PM EST on TNT (scores.espn.go.com)
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Which old, retired guy will beat up John Cena this week? Will it be The Rock? Brock Lesnar? Johnny Ace? Baron Von Raschke? Lou Thesz? Georg Hackenschmidt? Find out when Senile Vince presents WWE Monday Night Raw, 9 PM on USA (bleacherreport.com)
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Sunscreen ingredient may increase skin cancer risk. The sun is there (sciencedaily.com)
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Who will Ovie try to break in half tonight? Will the Coyotes win on the ice AND off? It's the "Can we stop talking about ownership BS?" edition of your Stanley Cup Playoffs thread (WAS-NYR 7:30pm, NSH-PHX 10pm) (tsn.ca)
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Acupuncture, hypnosis effective in getting people to quit smoking, according to the Bureau of I've Never Done a Double Blind Study In My Life (news.yahoo.com)
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Coming to your Merriam Webster 2013 edition. Brogrammer: "Someone who wants to bro down and crush some code" (cnn.com)
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Beyonce: "My biggest thing is to teach Blue not to focus on the aesthetic." But first, this L'Oreal commercial (celebitchy.com)
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Canada.com editor mentions the different and unique perspective of FARK as compared to the vortex of the Kanye West twitter (blogs.canada.com)
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$uspect $ucce$$fully rob$ bank but leave$ behind $omething really important (chicagotribune.com)
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Just for fun, let's take a peek at some high-level emails that were flying back and forth around the Lehman Bros. offices just before the crash of '08 (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (WCIV) |
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Sheriff's deputy charged with DUI loses control of both his car and bladder (abcnews4.com)
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"Seven Things He Worships About Your Body". Those aren't on there. Neither is that. Unless you meant scars (living.msn.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this mossy train tunnel (bigpicture.ru)
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Michael Phelps is hanging up his Speedo, hopefully after a thorough washing (news.blogs.cnn.com)
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I think every Monday should start with Felicia Day trying on steampunk fashions (youtube.com)
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MLB power rankings. Come for the Orioles at #3, stay for the four NL Central teams in the bottom 10 (grantland.com)
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Okay, desperate defense of the F-22 program is coming out (news.blogs.cnn.com)
|
| (NBC Sports) |
|
NBC Sports gives credit to Fark for directing their attention to a National Anthem mix-up at the Arab Shooting Championships (offthebench.nbcsports.com)
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Beer could save America (salon.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Of all the emails Eastern Michigan University could accidentally send to all 23,000 of its students, it went with this one (annarbor.com)
|
| (Denver Westword) |
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Man is selling off his mid-life crisis so his wife can buy hers (blogs.westword.com)
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Ladies and gentlemen of Fark, I present the pizza cupcake (buzzfeed.com)
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| |
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Looks like the Supermoon is all done with Venus. Venus (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Tornado rips apart Kiester (myfoxtwincities.com)
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13 greatest inventions used by The Avengers (pcmag.com)
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Actual CNN headline: "So you're a cyborg -- now what?" (cnn.com)
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Teen mom becomes valedictorian. MTV is nowhere to be seen (wtnh.com)
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Son of L.A. Clippers' Chris Paul imitates Blake Griffin, and it is hilarious (sportsgrid.com)
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Get ready to throw out your 'Fark playoff hockey suspension flowchart.' Claude Giroux of the Flyers likely to be suspended today for his hit to the head of New Jersey's Dainius Zubrus (tsn.ca)
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"Tanning mom" reaction to SNL skit mocking her: "It was well done". Agreed (big1059.com)
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A cosmetic company is suing Kris Jenner for having the audacity to get a facelift while hawking their miracle products. #cakeandeatittoo (bittenandbound.com)
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The modern-day parent's dilemma: do you allow your precious offspring to go down that big, scary, gleaming slide by himself (and possibly die), or do you slide down with him and risk snapping his leg in half when it gets caught on the side? (wtop.com)
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Astronomers find a cluster of galaxies 12.7 *billion* light years away. Seriously, that's Farking amazing (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx says he no longer supports Obama, so that means Lemmy Kilmister is automatically president and Obama is demoted to Minister of Misplaced Umlauts (breitbart.com)
|
| (IBD) |
|
Right-wing blogodome outrage du jour for Monday, May 7: Obama congratulated newly elected French President Francois Hollande after his victory yesterday instead of nuking Paris and killing Jerry Lewis (news.investors.com)
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Suits are old and boring. Let's come up with a new standard for work (or everyday) attire. Bonus if it includes a cape or fez (fark.com)
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Cameron Diaz explains the science behind "saggy boobies" (starpulse.com)
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Worst. Socialist. EVER (nytimes.com)
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After a year of right-wing obstructionism and trans-vaginal nonsense, Virginia's Republican governor is surprised to learn that independent voters don't like him as much as they once did (washingtonpost.com)
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Texas is in first place, and California last for: c) doing business (610wiod.com)
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Landing in San Antonio & driving to Austin to save $300 on airfare. Where along I-35 should I blow the savings (fark.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
I'm sorry Mr. Santorum. All 500 of your embryos are gay (scientastica.com)
|
| |
|
Sir Ian McKellen's one man show opens. YOU SHALL NOT PASS THIS UP (3news.co.nz)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Warren Buffett to CNBC interviewer: "I f*cked your wife" (businessinsider.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Wind may help power vessels on our oceans. This is not a repeat from the 19th century (earthyreport.com)
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| |
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Phillies Pitcher Cole Hamels admits he hit Bryce Harper with a pitch on purpose (espn.go.com)
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Subby is honored to accept this award on behalf of all the perverts who made Orlando #1 (wesh.com)
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Caption what these two billionaires are thinking (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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Today Iran is outraged because: A) Of a proposed international economic boycott? B) Of a proposed UN weapons inspection? C) Google left the Persian Gulf nameless? (mnn.com)
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How sanctions and violence doomed Syria's gaming industry. In related news, Syria had a gaming industry (arstechnica.com)
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1 out of 3 Americans would fail if they took the citizenship test. In contrast, 97% of the immigrants who take the test pass it (dailymail.co.uk)
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How dare President Taxbama make the United States more appealing to immigrate to? (foxnews.com)
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Don't bring a decorative flamingo to a knife fight (pennlive.com)
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Jay-Z just found his 100th problem (tmz.com)
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Someone finished dead last at Churchill Downs (news.yahoo.com)
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ABC, Univision to create Hispanic news channel. Prime-time dream-team lineup would include 1970's Charo, that guy from the Dos Equis commercials, Bumblebee Guy from the Simpson's and Glenn Beck (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Political pundit Sir Charles Barkley to Romney: We will beat you like a drum in November. Although you seem like a nice guy and all. No offense. You're going down, bro. Eat like a man. Weight Watchers (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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Man breaks into house, steals homeowner's gun and wakes him up with it. Homeowner is an ex-MMA fighter. You already know the rest (azcentral.com)
|
| (Pajiba) |
|
10 of the biggest Fark Yous in box office history (pajiba.com)
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How Google's ethical ignorance gets it in trouble (if they're not feeling lucky) (arstechnica.com)
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High school principal is fired for inappropriate use of a sock puppet (news.yahoo.com)
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The Avengers worked, because it didn't just shrug and say "Summer movie, it can be completely farking stupid." Avengers 2 to include Black Vulcan and Apache Chief (warning: spoilers) (aggrogate.com)
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President Obama is fooling no one with his positive spin on limp job numbers. That's why we had to write this editorial begging people not to be fooled...because he's not fooling anyone (nydailynews.com)
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Loose monkey. Where else? (clickorlando.com)
|
| (Business Insider) |
|
If you throw out the two bad years, under Bush the economy created 130K jobs per month. If you throw out Obama's first year, the economy created 131K jobs per month. It's almost as if the president has no real control over job creation (articles.businessinsider.com)
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For good or ill, Romney is the man of the hour. The only thing of importance is to defeat Obama and everything he stands for.....Let us gird our loins and go amongst them (americanthinker.com)
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Polls show that Republicans are more informed about current events than liberals and are more tolerant with opposing ideas than their liberal counterparts. Exhibit A: The comments section of the accompanying opinion piece (startribune.com)
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Mother of the year stops in safari park to let giraffe put its head through car window (with bonus pic of her daughter petting it) (express.co.uk)
|
| (Some NBA Guy) |
|
Disoriented woman who had been banned from the Pepsi Center for stalking Kenyon Martin, wanders out onto the court during Lakers-Nuggets playoff game, wins Denver's sixth-man award (lastangryfan.com)
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Karl Rove claims his Crossroads GPS group isn't political. Man, he's good (huffingtonpost.com)
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Bronies unite. My Little Pony + Leggos = Awesomeness (aggrogate.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Aided and abetted by a complacent and apathetic populace ignorant of history and our founding principles Americans are delivering society into perpetual bondage at the hands of their government masters (foundersrevolution.net)
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South Korea seizes a shipment of capsules from China filled with dead baby flesh. What on earth do people want with-no, wait, don't tell me, I'll sleep better at night that way (cbsnews.com)
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Albert Pujols moves up into tie for 100th in AL home run chase (scores.espn.go.com)
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James Cameron talks Avatar 4. "I'm not interested in developing anything [else]. I'm in the 'Avatar' business. Period" (hitfix.com)
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Police use sloppy parking as pretext for drug bust, lose case because parking over the line is not a crime in Maryland (thenewspaper.com)
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New GA PL8S mean NU ways 2 LK LYK A FKTRD (ajc.com)
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Nationals' Bryce Harper demonstrates how to steal home ... during a pickoff (deadspin.com)
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We're so broke we can't even afford to go bankrupt anymore (finance.yahoo.com)
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Australia had globe-trotting dinosaurs. Sweet Georgia Brown (mnn.com)
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The sole Canadian on US death row claims he is a changed man. He hasn't watched hockey in years, eats Dunkin Donuts, puts ketchup on his freedom fries and measures summer in months not hours (news.yahoo.com)
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Romney finally reveals his economic plan: "I say, well, look at what the president's done, and do the opposite" (chicagotribune.com)
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The iPhone is going to be hot again this summer (pcworld.com)
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When it comes to acceptable erotic fiction in Florida libraries, it's either black or white, no shades of grey (palmbeachpost.com)
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HuffPo slideshow "Stars Who've Kept the Weight Off." Reality: most were healthy by society's standards and are now anorexic, some via a dangerously drug-fueled lifestyle. But, YAY anyway (huffingtonpost.com)
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Stock trading continues its decline as people realize casinos are substantially safer investments (cnbc.com)
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New York Post columnist who suggested that the Brooklyn Nets be renamed to the New York N*****s, with a pistol as their logo, wonders if there was something he shouldn't have said (nymag.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
The empty arena during the Obama rally? Yeah, about that (politicususa.com)
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Is the new Dark Shadows a Gothic romance, a horror sendup, or a macabre fish-out-of-water tale? Let's ask director Tim Burton: "I made the movie and I can't describe it" (thedailybeast.com)
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"A prostitution bust is not something I want on my record," said accounting student Adrian Caesar, 25 - Forgetting how this whole interweb works (nypost.com)
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Redskins officially name RG3 as starting quarterback, ending weeks of non-speculation (msn.foxsports.com)
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Woman who was told by Southwest Airlines that she was too fat to fly finally hopes to tip the scales of justice (nydailynews.com)
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"Greek Nazis." "I hate Greek Nazis" (bbc.co.uk)
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GOP leaders start to rally around Romney. Well, not so much "rally" as "reluctantly allow themselves to be seen in the same room with" (ajc.com)
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Photoshop this velodrome vixen (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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After 4 1/2 years, Shaquille O'Neal earns a Ph.D. It would have been sooner but part of his doctoral thesis included having to make seven of ten free throws (newser.com)
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LeBron gives post game interview versus Knicks, with special guest appearance by Chris Bosh (liveleak.com)
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Greek stocks again take it in the ass (marketwatch.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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US Military wants to microchip troops to track them. It's cheaper than buying them all iPhones (businessinsider.com)
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Fans at Fenway went 10 innings without beer (scores.espn.go.com)
|
| (Fiscal Times) |
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Economists now predicting a "lost decade" in the U.S., characterized by high unemployment, sluggish growth and rising inequality. Welcome to the Obama Economy (thefiscaltimes.com)
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Make up a historical fact and share it with us (fark.com)
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Firefighter by day, call girl by night. Bonus: She can slide down my pole anytime pictures (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Under String Theory, a real life warp drive would only require 100kg of anti-matter. I hope you're right Ed Witten. Star Trek, here we come (zidbits.com)
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Red wine can halt the aging process, claims new report written by scientists who may have had a bit too much of it (clickorlando.com)
|
| (Some Red Bull) |
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The Chinese have done it again. This time, it's performance enhancing drugs delivered IV to students taking finals (ministryoftofu.com)
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That's not a tax problem. THIS is a tax problem (forbes.com)
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I'm eating some Braunschweiger for the first time in a couple of years. I'm sorry, Braunschweiger. None of those other deli meats mean anything to me. It's only you, Braunschweiger (fark.com)
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"60 Minutes" becomes hipster newsmagazine of choice, thanks to newshotties Lara Logan and Anderson Cooper replacing geriatric correspondents (nytimes.com)
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Sun May 06, 2012
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Even if you're a Lego character, daily life on the planet Hoth really sucks (io9.com)
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Lawyer spends 11 years proving inmate's innocence. He offers to pay for her gender-reassignment surgery. "It was a very sweet gesture on his part," she said. "But he really needs to focus on taking care of himself first" (denverpost.com)
|
| (Some 40's guy) |
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Photoshop 1940's New York (img440.imageshack.us)
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A sliver of Beavis and Butthead, a few DUIs, some crazy eyes, and a couple of folks who know how to take a beating. It's this week's Mugshot Roundup (thesmokinggun.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Silly researchers who've never read This site gEt grant funding to figure out whAt dogs are thinKing (techzwn.com)
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Once again Warren Buffett is a lone voice of reason in the wilderness, standing apart from the small but powerful group of which he is a member. But why the hell is this in the Sports tab? (espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Candidate Johnson, formerly Governor Johnson, finds his effort to become President Johnson opposed by Secretary of State Johnson (ballot-access.org)
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With Diablo 3 less than 2 weeks away, most people would decide to preorder the game. Then you have this guy (kotaku.com)
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Occupy Cleveland would like you to know that the would-be bridge bombers were fringe members totally not connected to their group, except for the tiny detail that one of them signed the lease for their warehouse (cleveland.com)
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| (Current) |
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GOP outsources call center to attack Obama on jobs. That's the joke (current.com)
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| (Some Ten Bears) |
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Americans living "off the grid" look surprisingly healthy, don't fish poorly (lots of pics) (ericvalli.com)
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He keeps using that word. I do not think it means what he thinks it means (huffingtonpost.com)
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Pregnant woman gets called a 'selfish cow' because she was: A) smoking, B) drinking, or C) exercising (dailymail.co.uk)
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Softball umpire collapses and dies during high school playoff game. Police investigating boredom as the cause of death (sports.yahoo.com)
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Captain America: "HULK... SMASH BOX OFFICE" Hulk: *grin* (hosted.ap.org)
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Japanese "Lolita fashion" anime subculture in Mexico. Or: Mustaches and Sharpies for swarthy chicks (boingboing.net)
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This week's SHMHC comes to you from the gods of crust and their Knights of the Black Sun. Bangs your heads together for Amebix (youtube.com)
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NYT debuts their new interactive electoral map, complete with paths to victory for both candidates. Unfortunately for Mitt Romney, most of his paths are akin to Indiana Jones on the rope bridge in "Temple of Doom" (elections.nytimes.com)
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Scientists say dinosaurs may have been to blame for climate change. Fark: because they produced so much flatulence (dailymail.co.uk)
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Photoshop this toilet tosser (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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A stream of highly charged particles from the sun is headed straight toward Earth. On the good side, you are probably going to die. On the other side, you probably will wish you did. It's not time to panic yet, but you should be ready to (latimes.com)
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George Lindsey, more popularly known as "Goober Pyle", passes away at 83. The service station is closed (hosted.ap.org)
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AT&T CEO to its customers: Stop using data, you are costing me money (bits.blogs.nytimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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When you drink, you pass out on the sofa. When you pass out on the sofa, the toddler is left alone in the backyard. When the toddler is alone in the backyard, the dog rips his clothes off. Don't let the dog rip the toddler's clothes off (fox8.com)
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It's time to end the 60 hour work week. It really doesn't do anybody any good (newser.com)
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Al-Qaeda extremists destroy the grave of a Muslim saint in Timbuktu. In other news, Timbuktu is an actual place, Muslims apparently have saints, and Al-Qaeda really sucks at the whole "winning hearts and minds" thing (news.yahoo.com)
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And the new face of the Oprah Winfrey Network is (...) (dailystar.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Science marches on: physicists learn that to avoid spilling coffee, walk slow and don't overfill your mug (news.sciencemag.org)
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They may be self-indulgent douche bags now, but this is one of the great live performances of all time - U2: Bad (Live Aid) (youtube.com)
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Tucson news station brags about their new Skynet surveillance system going online; anticipate it will become self-aware on August 29th, find Sarah Connor shortly thereafter (azstarnet.com)
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| (France 24) |
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Socialist François Hollande elected French president with 51.9% of the vote. Commence with the surrender jokes (france24.com)
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Not news: Heart surgeons discover new information on the structure of the mitral valve. News: After reading an essay written by Leonardo da Vinci 500 years ago (express.co.uk)
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Bulls try and keep up with the 76ers, the Heat look to finish off the Knicks, plus Hawks/Celtics and Lakers/Nuggets tonight: it's your NBA playoffs thread (scores.espn.go.com)
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Can the Orioles continue to dismantle the Red Sox? How far will the Phillies fall? If the Marlins reach .500 and there are no fans around to see it, does it count? It's your Sunday Afternoon MLB Discussion Thread (scores.espn.go.com)
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Will the brooms come out in LA this afternoon? Will the Prudential Center burn down because of all the candles on Brodeur's birthday cake? These questions answered along with a couple good hockey games at 3:00 & 7:30 Eastern today (tsn.ca)
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Remember that AAirpass you bought years ago that gave you unlimited first class tickets to anywhere in the world? Turns out when you use it, it costs us money, so we're going to cancel it, ban you from flying us and sue you (latimes.com)
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Susan Boyle and family to star in fly-on-the-wall TV documentary. Bonus: With the Osmonds (dailystar.co.uk)
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Is it important for the long term success of a couple to have shared hatreds? (fark.com)
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What do you do after winning a gold medal and they don't have your national anthem? Take the mic and sing it yourself (youtube.com)
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| (Pittsburgh Post Gazette) |
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Pennsylvania has lots of flying squirrels, but they're the wrong kind of flying squirrel (old.post-gazette.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Seventy-five years ago, one of the Internet's greatest memes was born. Oh the huge manatee (mycentraljersey.com)
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French billionaire who's married to Salma Hayek is hammered at second day of trial in which Linda Evangelista is seeking child support for the kid he fathered with her. Can we just take this ungrateful bastard out and shoot him? (chicagotribune.com)
|
| (SaveOnBrew) |
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Best baseball parks for craft beer. Lord knows you're not going to watch the snoozeball (saveonbrew.com)
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Why Drew and all the Admins can all go suck it (scientificamerican.com)
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Will Michael Waltrip re-live his glory days, or make the race official on lap 1? Will Dale Earnhardt Jr. snap his losing streak? What lap will The Big One occur? Its Talledega, on Fox at Noon ET (nationwide.nascar.com)
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"Bahhh, I ain't buyin' your Face-Place flimflammery. In MY day, we kept in touch by shoutin' real loud. 'HOW'S LIFE, CHARLIE?' 'SUCKS, WARREN.' And we all went deaf and mute at 15 and we LIKED it" (money.cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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MSNBC tech writer: Navy, y u no flying carrier? (futureoftech.msnbc.msn.com)
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It isn't 2008 anymore (breitbart.com)
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After successfully throttling a cow, the states are now complaining that it's stopped giving milk (nytimes.com)
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Shoppers are being paid more than $100 million a year in personal injury lawsuits after they slipped on grapes at the grocery store. Still cheaper than covering the world in bubble wrap (couriermail.com.au)
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You're a federal fugitive wanted by the U.S. Marshals. Do you: A) Flee to Mexico? B) Flee to Canada? C) Pose as a disc jockey named 'RoboCraig' at a bar and grill in Oregon? (oregonlive.com)
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This may come as a complete shock, but there are allegations that the runners of the prosperity Bible loving Trinity Broadcasting Network may be a bunch of scam artists (msnbc.msn.com)
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Stuck for a last minute gift this Mother's Day? Why not buy her her own Wikipedia page? (theatlanticwire.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Trying to acquire drugs legally can get you arrested too (dfw.cbslocal.com)
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Slaves, unhappy about work conditions, begin to sue overseers (moneyland.time.com)
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Low-alcohol wines are the next big thing. Coming up next: No-contact sex (azcentral.com)
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There are more people reading this thread right now than watch Eliot Spitzer on Current TV. Yes, really (newsbusters.org)
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You know what they say about a scorned straphanger? Well this one won't get off the crazy bus (nypost.com)
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Show up for work? Earn awards? Arrested 40 years ago? That's a firin' (jsonline.com)
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Photshop this prim and proper painter (msnbcmedia.msn.com)
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If the awesome pizza and superior hot dogs didn't convince you to come check out Chicago, perhaps this will (chicagotribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"John Doe #29's counsel represents that his client is an octogenarian with neither the wherewithal nor the interest in using BitTorrent to download Gang Bang Virgins" (dailytech.com)
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This year's Libertarian Party convention? Why yes, it did end up being a complete clusterfark (reason.com)
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Chelsea and Liverpool try and prove the seasons isn't a complete loss, a Manchester team slips up and Wenger flaps his arms. Its a joint FA Cup Final and weekend EPL thread. Let the banter commence (bbc.co.uk)
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Porn is so easy to find on the internet these days, the leaders of tomorrow will be known as Generation XXX (couriermail.com.au)
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Lionel Messi set a new record with 72 goals across all competitions this year. To put that in perspective, Stoke City Football Club has 57 goals in 1 fewer game (sports.yahoo.com)
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"Being a Republican used to mean finding solutions for the American people. It used to mean having big ideas that moved the country forward. It can mean that again, but big ideas don't often come from small tents." Guess who (latimes.com)
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That's racist, baby (theatlanticwire.com)
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Look into my eyes...now look away while I walk out the door with all your cash (newser.com)
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Seattle Times Sideline Chatter column picks FARK's clever Red Sox headline as their best of the week (3rd section) (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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Gives a rare interview on the recipe for success (rollingstone.com)
|
| (Some Spary) |
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Apparently, it needs to be said. Do Not bring your weed to class. Especially if your class is with the state police training academy (wcax.com)
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The agony of defeat: BYU steeplechase hottie stumbles into a barrier and flips hard over it head first into water. Video and pictures (sltrib.com)
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UN says the US must give back Mount Rushmore to the Indians as it is illegally occupied land that was stolen from the natives, as opposed the land where their HQ is (dailymail.co.uk)
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Senate moves to OK booze-by-mail 103 years later (newser.com)
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Top linebacker recruit decommits from Ohio State because they didn't tell a fan to have a seat right over there (sports.yahoo.com)
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Amanda Bynes gets into another hit and run, but this time managed to avoid a cop car (tmz.com)
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The coolest images mixing photography and pencil drawings you will see all day (mirror.co.uk)
|
Sat May 05, 2012
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A fascinating look at Kowloon Walled City, a Mad-Max style city in Hong Kong made up of interconnected buildings (dailymail.co.uk)
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In other news, the guy that makes up the bandit names has the weekend off (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Nanny state tells active five-year-old that she at risk of developing heart disease, cancer and diabetes because she is up to one stone heavier than she should be. With pictures of so-called fatty (mirror.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Oldest .com domain in existence has been turned into a preservation Museum for Internet factoids and other idiotic information (symbolics.com)
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"Often, a patient will say to the chaplain, 'No thanks, I am an atheist,' and yet when given the opportunity, will be happy to talk for some time" (ctpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chelsea want to turn Battersea Power Station into a football stadium. Yeah right, that will happen when pigs fly (chelseafc.com)
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Han Solo: the Game: You and Chewbacca, running around the Outer Rim in the Falcon, smuggling, dog-fighting, breaking hearts -- all happening before the events in Star Wars... And 5 other great video games you'll never get to play (cracked.com)
|
| (Some Girl) |
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An open letter from a Gen-Xer. "There is no shame in standing naked in your kitchen dipping french bread into mug full of olive oil" (mcsweeneys.net)
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If Mozart were alive today to see this death metal drummer tackle his 25th symphony, a) he wouldn't be spinning in his grave, b) he'd envy Beethoven his deafness, c) he'd bang his head till his wig fell off (youtube.com)
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Thanks to a Taiwanese airline, you can now fly high with Hello Kitty. Photoshop the next industry to be conquered by the Hello Kitty juggernaut (photoblog.msnbc.msn.com)
|
| (The Boot) |
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"I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out." - Ten quotes from Dolly Parton that show how witty she is (theboot.com)
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Man astounded to find live turtle his son carved his initials into 47 years ago -- but c'mon, just how far do you expect a turtle to travel in that length of time? (upi.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Researchers develop a life-sized 3d 'hologram' for, er, teleconferencing. Yeah, that's it: teleconferencing (canadianmanufacturing.com)
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Disabled vet is told he'll never walk unassisted again, gives up and turns into huge fatty. Along comes a yoga instructor who proves doctors wrong.. All right, who set off the tear gas canister in here? (liveleak.com)
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Belvedere's label has a wintery scene. Grey Goose's label has birds in flight. Southeast Red's label has a map of San Diego's gang neighborhoods (utsandiego.com)
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Defending champion Dallas tries to avoid the 1st round sweep in today's game as the NBA playoffs continue: Thunder/ Mavs (7:30 EDT) and Spurs/ Jazz (10:00 EDT) (nba.com)
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Why it sucks to be Ant Man (besides the assumptions about your penis size) (cracked.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Someone might want to tell this woman she's going crazy (thesuntimes.com)
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Iran's semi-official Mehrs news agency ends up using a photoshopped image for Iran's missile system. Fark: They used *that* image. Yes, that one (theatlanticwire.com)
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California professor claims Cinco de Mayo is as American as the Fourth of July (ktla.com)
|
| (Waiting For Next Year) |
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In case you haven't noticed - and judging by the attendance, you haven't - the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar (waitingfornextyear.com)
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TBS says it will pick up Cougar Town if ABC cancels it (deadline.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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US government now considers global warming a national security threat, which I guess means we'll start bombing the shiat out of the Arctic soon (campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com)
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Hit and run suspect who killed a 14 year old on a bicycle found "because a witness tracked him down to the driveway of his family's home, put him into his own car and made him return to the scene of the crash" (buffalonews.com)
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Scarlett Johansson wants a Black Widow movie. Hey, anything that gets her back into that tight leather outfit is a winner (dailystab.com)
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Victorian-inspired Star Wars artwork goes on display (mirror.co.uk)
|
| (Some Nervous Guy) |
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Here is a prime example of how NOT to act if you don't want the police to find the brick of cocaine hidden in your Xbox 360 (kfoxtv.com)
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So now we're having protests about "size discrimination," or "sizeism," as it's being called by one of 30 people who are protesting about it (press-citizen.com)
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With Nate Diaz vs. Jim Miller headlining, will UFC's third outing on FOX offer a one round knockout or a five round decision? It's UFC on FOX 3, Prelims begin at 4 PM ET on Facebook, 5 PM ET on Fuel, with the main card at 8 PM on FOX (withleather.uproxx.com)
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Photoshop this pair of peepers (spiegel.de)
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Why don't men wear hats anymore? Presidential socialism (with painstakingly to scale illustrations to prove the point) (npr.org)
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The personal archives of legendary Dungeons & Dragons co-creator Dave Arneson -- some 10,000 items -- were abandoned by his heirs and lost in storage facility in Minnesota. Luckily, the guy who found them didn't just toss them away (boingboing.net)
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Disney's most interesting animated film in years is out at the end of the month, and unless you live in India you can't see it (slashfilm.com)
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Romney: "I know what it's like to be poor because I talk to poor people all the time". Press: "Who specifically do you talk to?" Romney: "Noneya" (foxnews.com)
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UGA gymnastics coach resigns after 3rd year of sub-par results. He had succeeded the legendary coach whose record included winning the last 5 consecutive NCAA Championships of her career. But don't fret - he'll land on his feet (blogs.ajc.com)
|
| (wmur) |
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Think your flowers will make this Mother's Day special? This man raised the bar so high we may never use the term "momma's boy" again (wmur.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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No longer news: cloned baby goat is a super-adorable terrifying monster of science. News: was cloned using $37 worth of ordinary lab hardware (grist.org)
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Put on your Sunday's finest and mix up your mint juleps, it's the 138th annual running of the Kentucky Derby, Live coverage begins at 4 PM on NBC (abcnews.go.com)
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National Christmas tree in DC dies. Sources say this was the only working branch of government at the time. Tag is for the tree trunk (foxnews.com)
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Red Sox payroll tops the $77 million mark. On the disabled list (boston.com)
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Phil Collins (yeah, that one) is one of the world's foremost experts on The Alamo, still hopes to find its basement someday (chron.com)
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Delighted housewife knits spacesuit for rubber chicken (dailystar.co.uk)
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Five dogs poisoned by antifreeze-coated fish tossed into their backyard. Fark: For the second time. Super sad: Two of them need $10,000 of dialysis to keep them alive and the owner can't afford it (wtkr.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Get busted for DUI? Now you'll get multiple daily text messages from the judge, ordering you to blow into your cell phone alcohol detector (foxsanantonio.com)
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| (Hartford Courant) |
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We can buy beer on Sundays, and now can get a prescription for marijuana in Connecticut. FINALLY there's reasons to stay in the Nutmeg state (courantblogs.com)
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Wealthy homeowners who thought Johnny Depp was moving in next door wake up to a very nasty surprise (with bonus pic of unappealing new neighbors) (dailystar.co.uk)
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Arizona bans Planned Parenthood funding. Apparently, a few people have a problem with this (chicagotribune.com)
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Scientists are halfway to creating a Pinky and the Brain reality show (livescience.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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The British Asparagus Festival has been cancelled due to lack of asparagus (britishasparagusfestival.org)
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| |
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In tribute to Adam Yauch, Coldplay played (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party) at their show last night. And yes, there is video of the performance (hollywoodreporter.com)
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The GOP is trying to roll back protections for abused women. Why? No reason. Apparently they just like pissing you off (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Change: Americans renounced their citizenship in record numbers in 2011 (rt.com)
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| |
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Octomom said to be a "natural" on her first day of shooting a porn video. Pictures probably SFW, but definitely not Safe for Lunch (tmz.com)
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Long known for the drinking, Cino de Mayo is also about the food (suntimes.com)
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Jessica Alba admits she sometimes like to have sex swinging from the ceiling (ok.co.uk)
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TNT will give us another season of Southland (insidetv.ew.com)
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San Francisco fishermen free 40-ton grey whale entangled in large fishing line. Afterwards, rescuers said "the whale circled the boat, surfaced and took off...It was like it was saying 'thank you'" (ctv.ca)
|
| (Some Guy Hurting) |
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Now that unemployment benefits running out for so many, disability claims are skyrocketing (news.investors.com)
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Subby is shocked, SHOCKED to learn that 1 In 4 users lie on Facebook (thedenverchannel.com)
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Man who stole Navy SEAL's bio and pulled it off well enough to fool CNN reporters outed as just an empty bucket (wtkr.com)
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How many overtimes will get cut off by old ladies in hats? Eastern Conference action: Rangers/Capitals 12:30 EST (sports.yahoo.com)
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A 13 year old girl couldn't figure out how to take nude pictures of herself to send to her 30 year old "boyfriend". So the mom of the year steps in and helps her technologically dysfunctional child out with the photo shoot (deseretnews.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Dan Savage agrees to Brian Brown of NOM's challenge to debate the Bible. Get your popcorn ready, folks (slog.thestranger.com)
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Dentists are now using fillings made of nano-sized particles that kill bacteria and strengthen your teeth. It almost makes you long for the good old days of fluoride in the water (mnn.com)
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Couple vows to visit all 735 Whataburger restaurants in the country or die of clogged arteries trying (elpasotimes.com)
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"When individuality asserts itself, we find that household incomes are nearly always the product of factors other than inequality. Anyone who believes otherwise should spend time with someone in the lowest household income quintile" (americanthinker.com)
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Most awesome response ever after a cop asks for a man's ID just because he was walking through a neighborhood known as a high-crime area: "(Expletive) you, that's for you to figure out" (nwfdailynews.com)
|
| (Panorama.gi) |
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Gibraltar very very angry Spain is to hold three bull fighting confrences in Gibraltar. Possibility of very rarely seen British Overseas Territory Sports/Border Dispute Related Trifecta (panorama.gi)
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David Koch contributes $35 million to Smithsonian National Museum for new dinosaur hall. Most money now given by the Koch family for a dinosaur since they donated to the McCain campaign (washingtonpost.com)
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Inside the dark, dangerous, challenging world of the collegiate Quiz Bowl championships (slate.com)
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*The Password is "dead".* Bob Stewart, game show producer and co-creator of Password, The Price is Right, and Pyramid, is dead at 91 (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Stop me if you've heard this one before --- It's the first week of May and the Baltimore Orioles are tied for the 2nd best record in MLB (mlb.mlb.com)
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Condi Rice declines VP offer. This means Joe Biden has to rollerskate around Dupont Circle in chaps and a cowboy hat (huffingtonpost.com)
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Runners in Pennsylvania compete in real life 12 mile side scroller (youtube.com)
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Pigs in the city. Ha ha, charade you are (youtube.com)
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RIM announces it will still include physical keyboards, rotary dials on its new line of wireless phones (finance.yahoo.com)
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Statue of an obese nude woman that sits across the street from a church is vandalized with paint a few days after somebody covered it up with a burlap apron a few days after all the private parts were covered in dollar bills (azfamily.com)
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Today we observe one of the most sacred days on the high holy nerd calendar: Free Comic Book Day (forbes.com)
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It's take your parrot to work day. (This has nothing to do with John Cleese) (mirror.co.uk)
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| (Some Ghoul) |
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Photoshop Challenge: Trick this out (6-ft-under.com)
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You can now insure your marijuana crop against theft, fire, and even DEA raids. Next up? USDA price supports, "pay not to plant" programs, and annoying lizard commercials (katu.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Reasons to be Amish: No asthma and no allergies. Reasons not to be Amish: Electricity and alcohol (yourhealth.com.sg)
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Five ways the movie 'The Avengers' bends the rules of physics, according to one author who hasn't yet realized it's based on a series of comic books and not a documentary (mnn.com)
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IPhone owners found to be least likely to switch carriers despite poor service. Finally an explanation for every customer who uses AT&T (msnbc.msn.com)
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Well played, Republican voter ID laws (thedailybeast.com)
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Trebek: "And the answer is, 'This longtime game show host will be retiring after 30 seasons on the air' (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (abc15.com) |
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Pima was born in a dumpster, and is now a pampered house cat. But she obviously has not forgotten her roots as she reaches out (literally) to make friends with a wild bobcat. A sweet video just in time for Caturday (abc15.com)
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| (grist) |
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How to make your own bacon... and duck prosciutto, and pancetta, and pâté, and artisanal green chile chicken sausages (grist.org)
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Donovan McNabb wants to play football. This is not a repeat from, well, ever (nfl.com)
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Water guns banned at GOP Convention. Republicans decide against soaking the rich (abcnews.go.com)
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Sorry I haven't paid my bills in six years but I'm trying to sell my $3.2m Aston Martin, which got stolen by a Yakuza boss who had me beaten up by martial arts experts when I tried to repossess it (stuff.co.nz)
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At the age of 77, the Trololo guy is back ... now even more gratifyingly awesome (youtube.com)
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Two rival bands of college kids prepare to battle with foam swords. The winner is... the bus (youtube.com)
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Mila Kunis tops The Sun's World's Sexiest Women poll. They might be on to something there (thesun.co.uk)
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First grader suspended for singing "I'm Sexy and I Know It." LMFAO (newser.com)
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Photographer toured East Germany just after the fall of the Berlin Wall taking photos of decayed buildings. Ten years later he took photos again of the same things to show how capitalism revitalized what communism allowed to decay (spiegel.de)
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Good news: Oil prices are dropping Bad news: Oil prices are dropping (cnbc.com)
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Obama plans to veto CISPA. That's good. He's supporting an alternative with similar language proposed by Joe Liebermann. That's bad. Everyone gets a Frogurt with their lost online privacy. That's good (gizmodo.com)
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Memory card recovered from hang-glider pilot's USB port (theglobeandmail.com)
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The economy has recovered all private sector jobs lost since Obama took office. This bad news....for Obama (thinkprogress.org)
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Accidental or deliberate photoshop disaster? You be the judge (boingboing.net)
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Twenty things you didn't know about math. I was told there would be no list of things I didn't know about math (discovermagazine.com)
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Meanwhile in Canada: "Mathews had previously traced the false calls to a phone registered to "Pierre Poutine," which he determined is likely a fake name" (cbc.ca)
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We've secretly replaced the helium in the balloons at this Armenian political rally with hydrogen. Let's see if anyone notices... (pic included) (rawstory.com)
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| (WDAY) |
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Mock crash at high school becomes real when someone forgot to put the fire truck in park (wday.com)
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One hundred artists remember Beastie Boys' Adam Yauch (pastemagazine.com)
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Fri May 04, 2012
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Warrant issued after man has part of ear bitten off at bar. Still, that's gotta be better than most Scottish cuisine (news.stv.tv)
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Hulk Hogan's son granted early release from steel cage (610wiod.com)
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The FBI wants to backdoor Facebook, Skype, and Instant Messaging. Those guys are weird (wired.com)
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Republicans and Democrats come together to agree one one thing: MCA is as cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce (indecisionforever.com)
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Bill Simmons forced to withdraw his NBA MVP vote (for LeBron James) after someone remembered he had said he bet on LeBron to win the award in an old podcast (deadspin.com)
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Three NBC employees now editing their resumes after editing George Zimmerman's 911 call (www2.tbo.com)
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"MySpace's sole purpose is to serve as an anthropological collection of the ways young people embarrassed themselves online in the early-to-mid-2000s" (gawker.com)
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Duke earnings fall, sucks (finance.yahoo.com)
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Bill Buckner's '86 World Series ball sells at auction. Apparently, someone couldn't let it slip through his fingers (usatoday.com)
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How talented is Noel Gallagher? A male fan insists that Noel impregnated him (contactmusic.com)
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Selfish mother refuses to admit her clinically obese son is fat (with offensive pic of huge child) (dailystar.co.uk)
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A perfect example of why the Heartland Institute is not called the Brainland Institute, and why they probably should have been named after their more Floridian organs (washingtonpost.com)
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| (GJSentinel.com) |
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Headless chicken announces presidential campaign. Figures he has as much brains as the other guys (gjsentinel.com)
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Dick Lugar (R-eally wishing his party wasn't crazy) losing to Tea Party challenger (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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France surrenders 7 goals as US hockey team skates to victory (espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Social etiquette tip: when a man compliments your car, the proper response is NOT to beat him into a coma (kirotv.com)
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Photoshop Theme: Create an ad for other bad investments (fark.com)
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| (Some Hot Dog Eater) |
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"Detectives...became aware she was offering up more than kraut and relish from her hot dog cart" (newyork.cbslocal.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 10 metal albums of 2012 (so far). What does the list fail without, or is this just a bad year for metal? (loudwire.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mariano Rivera: "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back" (mlbtraderumors.com)
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"Officials say that messages on social media that led to the cancelation of classes were not threats, but were rather about masturbation" (wxyz.com)
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Article asks: "How seriously should we take the growing church of Jediism?" Is this a trick question? (guardian.co.uk)
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Gawker thanks Fark for the story about a hungry lioness and the 'zebra' baby (gawker.com)
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After being completely ignored because of Wednesday's 3OT game in Washington, both Nashville & Phoenix agree to do the smart thing & be the only teams playing tonight. Faceoff @ 7:30 Eastern (tsn.ca)
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Romney on today's anemic job report: "We should be seeing 500,000 jobs a month." Reality: there have only been 4 months in the last 50 years with that kind of growth (huffingtonpost.com)
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Will Rondo "trip on" another ref? Will the Bulls remember to play a second half against the Sixers? Will the Nuggets keep the Lakers under 100? Friday night NBA playoffs discussion thread? Why not? Games start at 7:30 ET (espn.go.com)
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Ten scientists who spent time behind bars (io9.com)
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Power company fined $180,000 for faulty work on houses where residents suffered electric shocks. There's no place like ohm (news.com.au)
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Man upset to learn that he didn't receive any superpowers after getting bit by rabid bat (ajc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Who developed the strategy to get Bin Laden? We now know it was a young CIA agent named Rebecca (wapo.st)
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The Delta blues owes its near-mythic origins to slavery, gospel music, Jim Crow, the bayou, cotton fields, whiskey, shotgun shacks, midnight deals with Satan at the crossroads--and the catalogs of Sears, Roebuck & Co (reason.com)
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Clear your desks, get out a sharpened pencil, and get off your hot teacher for a moment--it's time for this week's Fark Weird News Quiz (fark.com)
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Judge rules that the First Amendment does not mean Facebook "likes" are free speech (chicagotribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Yes you would, every one of them, even though the crazy clearly is strong and abundant (ranker.com)
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| (ProPublica) |
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TSA complaint levels are down - because the TSA sits on complaints for four years hoping the complainants will simply go away (propublica.org)
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Appeals court won't rescind sentence of FARC rebel, orders her to pay $5 a month (news.yahoo.com)
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SpaceX prepares for the first private sector mission to resupply the Coca Cola International Space Station. Brought to you by Carl's Jr (economist.com)
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Missouri state rep passes bill preventing gun owners for being fired for owning guns. So surely she's against people being fired for their sexual orientation, right? Aasif Mandvi investigates (thedailyshow.com)
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| (Some sister) |
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An interesting comparison of the Alien and Prometheus trailers (tor.com)
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There is nothing like a freshly-lightning-struck scrotum - it's breathtaking (gizmodo.com)
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Old and busted: 640k is all the memory anyone will ever need. New hotness: No one wants to watch DVDs on their computer (theregister.co.uk)
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Suggested retail price for five days in a DEA cell without water is $20 million. Let the bidding commence (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
|
| (Some TFette) |
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TFette is asking the good people of Fark for a little bit of help, for a good cause (elkhartcancer.org)
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Loch Ness Monster ordered to leave Wisconsin river with or without tree-fitty (seattlepi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fire damage: $2,000, Fire Sprinkler damage: $250,000 (localnews8.com)
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| (Outside) |
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For the millionaire dirtbag climber comes a new indoor climbing wall that's more work of art than workout, is controlled by iPhone app (outsideonline.com)
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Think climate change is real? Then you're a murderer, tyrant, and a madman (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Now that's what I call branding (now.msn.com)
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Not news: 727 crashes in Mexico. News: Discovery Channel did it. Difficulty: Not Mythbusters (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Who was the best Obi-Wan? Alec Guiness? Evan McGregor? Then you haven't seen the Redd Foxx interpretation. Bonus: Marie Osmond as Leia and Paul Lynde as Grand Moff Tarkin (neatorama.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Afghani designed landmine clearing device uses no fossil fuel, is biodegradable, has zero risk of injury to human operators, and costs pennies on the dollar next to current tech (bbc.com)
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"The entire Obama campaign is a slice-and-dice operation, pandering to one group after another, particularly those that elected Obama in 2008 - blacks, Hispanics, women, young people - and for whom the thrill is now gone" (washingtonpost.com)
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Grandfather and grandson create live gif (liveleak.com)
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Woman arrested for putting camping fuel in her grandmother's milk. That's Cole, man (blog.al.com)
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Ted Nugent claims he's a "moderate" asshole (cbsnews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're thinking of pairing the same beer with goat cheese and gorgonzola, think again (frugaldad.com)
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Mark Zuckerberg has about a billion reasons to love the new Facebook IPO (newser.com)
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Interactive map follows the 4 major sports trophies around the US over the past century. New York/Boston area looks like it's been hit by nuclear attack, but strangely, MLB trophy avoids north side of Chicago like the plague (slate.com)
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When their co-worker is diagnosed with cancer, a bunch of women band together to raise money for her treatment. Fark: She comes back with a nice boob job and no cancer (wptv.com)
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Old GOP plan: Convince people government is broken and can't do anything right. New GOP plan: Intentionally break government so it can't do anything right (salon.com)
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Apparently, this is how to get sexually enlightened (stylist.co.uk)
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Man arrested for felony DUI, improper storage of a trunk monkey (tampabay.com)
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Old and busted: The Kramer reality tour. New hotness: The Peter Griffin reality tour (news.yahoo.com)
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The first preview of Elder Scrolls Online is FRIGGIN' AWESOME (metro.co.uk)
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Woman with oxygen tank smokes one way, then another (khou.com)
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Annual review by the Arizona state government shows that privatized prisons are actually costing the state more than state run prisons while lacking in actual security. Incensed by this, state legislators take bold action...by ending the study (dailykos.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you live in AR, CO, FL, KY, LA, MO, NV, OH, TN or WV, it will suck to be you this fall. Prepare to be ground zero in the upcoming Citizens United-fueled presidential ad onslaught (electoral-vote.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Bizarre spring weather hurts wineries in Iowa. In other news, there are wineries in Iowa (kgan.com)
|
| (Bellator) |
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Friday night fights, Bellator 67 discussion thread. Fights start at 7pm eastern (bellator.com)
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For some reason, Senator David Vitter (R-LA) is shying away from the Secret Service prostitution scandal (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Beloved by fans of all ages, Train discovers formula for American musical success. "They take a lot of time to say the same thing...over and over and over again. They're super afraid to offend anyone" (wesleyanargus.com)
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Mitt Romney's accomplishments. The RNC needs to grow a pair and send this out as a mailing to all 300 million Americans (dailykos.com)
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How to get a bigger Keynesian multiplier. Don't believe what they say, size DOES matter. Here are the tips experts don't want you to know (theatlantic.com)
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The latest business to abandon Microsoft products for Linux? Microsoft (arstechnica.com)
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The designer of the London tube map turned cartography on its head...breaking all design rules...the map is now one of the most iconic images in the world (humansinvent.com)
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In one of the most passive-aggressive displays ever, man paints colorful polka dots all over his home as a protest statement against the city (azcentral.com)
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Escort has message for Wall Street johns: "Actually, you're really small and you're bad in bed" (huffingtonpost.com)
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It's like a thousand voices sang out for four minutes and then were suddenly silent (youtube.com)
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: A group of veterans, acting totally on their own of course and not as an arm of any political campaign, has organized to express their outrage over how the president is handling his military record (politics.blogs.foxnews.com)
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Oh yeah, Japan? A challenger appears (youtube.com)
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Senator demands an investigation into "meat glue," something that was settled months ago (sun-sentinel.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Green eggs and Sam (hamptonroads.com)
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Why you should never film a Kickstarter video drunk (m.youtube.com)
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Angry rape and tiny cells not enough to deter you from prison? These inmates were forced to sing Usher to use the microwave (mobile.reuters.com)
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Swiss jetman Yves Rossy stunned onlookers with an amazing flying display over Rio de Janeiro on Wednesday (eitb.com)
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Reading and Southampton have already joined, and now West Ham, Birmingham City, Blackpool, and Cardiff fight to be the last team promoted to the Greatest Show on Earth. The Championship playoffs start today, here's your thread (footballleagueblog.dailymail.co.uk)
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Woman gives herself a new name....well, actually 161 new names. Still no match for Emperor Spiderman Gandalf Wolverine Skywalker Optimus Prime Goku Sonic Xavier Ryu Cloud Superman Heman Batman Thrash (bbc.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Hey guys check out this 'Chick Cam'. Be careful if you are at work though (courantblogs.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Argentine's Field Hockey team upset someone slipped one into their goalie (digibet.info)
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Senator Kirk home from hospital, no time frame on his return to Coruscant to resume his duties (suntimes.com)
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George Zimmerman's legal team advised him to shut down his donation site... until they realized that they could scam boatloads of money from dumb racists and have put the website back online (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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MCA can finally sleep, having arrived in Brooklyn (tmz.com)
|
| (The American Conservative) |
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Conservatives are starting to realize that opposition to gay marriage is a hopeless attempt to stop the tides (theamericanconservative.com)
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Romneybot: update Medicaid.exe / WARNING: updating Medicaid.exe will cause Romneycare.exe to crash; do you wish to continue? (y/n) / y (thinkprogress.org)
|
| (Jayski) |
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At Talladega this weekend, NASCAR driver Kurt Bush will drive Ricky Bobby's "ME" scheme from Talladega Nights. LGT photos of car (jayski.com)
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Italy's recession set to be longer, deeper, more stylish and beautiful than expected (guardian.co.uk)
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Bridge engineer is one of the coolest job in the world: Amazing views, fresh air, and only occasional showers of human waste (thisisplymouth.co.uk)
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Sorry we fired you for defying military censors and reporting on the surrender of the enemy a day before everyone else....at the end of WWII. You know. 67 years ago. We're cool, right? (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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You know how all those top environmental scientists have been warning us that Greenland's glaciers are melting faster than they ever have before and could raise sea levels by six feet? Yeah, about that (npr.org)
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Avengers assemble at the US box office, putting its box office gross over $300 million. Could this beat records set by Batman and Harry Potter? (deadline.com)
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Syria peace plan is on track, says UN spokesunicorn (google.com)
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Russians continue to flip over crazy amusement park ride (youtube.com)
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The trailer for 2012's hottest film, Jersey Shore Shark Attack, is finally here (insidetv.ew.com)
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Flying bear killed after unsuccessful attempt to taxi across highway prior to takeoff (hosted.ap.org)
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"Politics is weird. And creepy. And now I know lacks even the loosest attachment to anything like reality." We report, you decide? (theatlantic.com)
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Chicago radio station finds that Rod Blagojevich has a face that can stop traffic (upi.com)
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Scarlett Johansson receives a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame as committee unanimously honors her acting, singing, not securing her cell phone (blog.sfgate.com)
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Even after 143 years, Major League Baseball manages another first as two starting pitchers squared off against each other on their birthday (mlb.mlb.com)
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Argentina: "To compete on English soil, we train on Argentine soil." Farkland Islands: "This shiat is invading the sports thread now?" (guardian.co.uk)
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The mystery of dark-skinned pacific islanders with natural blond hair has been solved genetically, and no, it doesn't have anything to do with a shipful of Vikings getting very lost (news.yahoo.com)
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Harvard and MIT to offer free online courses. Now anyone can brag about being a Harvard dropout (cbsnews.com)
|
| (Kingsport Times News) |
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Steps to quit smoking: 1) handcuff yourself tightly, 2) drop pants, 3) lose key, 4) call 911 (timesnews.net)
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The New York Times gets all moist and melodramatic over Mariano Rivera's ACL (nytimes.com)
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Heart transplant patient may be the first person ever to see his own heart tissue beating outside his body-okay, OTHER THAN those who ran afoul of angry kung-fu masters or mystical Indian cults (news.yahoo.com)
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♫ Soft cheetah, tame cheetah, little puff of fur. Happy tourist, angry cheetah, maul, maul, maul (dailymail.co.uk)
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Google is turning your Androids into zombies. And so it begins (arstechnica.com)
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The American idle rich inherit a lightly-taxed, multi-million dollar trust fund fortune, never work a day in their life and do absolutely nothing to earn their daily bread (english.pravda.ru)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Let's assemble the five worst superhero movies of all time. List fails without your pick to the right (theindychannel.com)
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Male mice that eat yogurt have big cojones, and develop "mouse swagger." The female mice have a proclivity to play ice hockey (scientificamerican.com)
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New noninvasive paternity test can now identify the father of the baby as early as the eighth week--or in NBA terms, a quarter of the season (yourlife.usatoday.com)
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Tiger Woods says he doesn't use condos anymore. No, that's not a typo (tmz.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Now that Romney's effectively the nominee, Mormons brace for attacks on their religion during the campaign. But this is America and surely no campaign would ever stoop that low, Wright? (daily-chronicle.com)
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UK government political party defeated in election by a man dressed as a penguin (local.stv.tv)
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Not news: girl saves friend using Heimlich Maneuver. Fark: she learned it on TV. Ultra Fark: she's six years old (sacbee.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Italians are working on anesthesia-free brain surgery or "divorce" as we call it here in the States (worldcrunch.com)
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When committing a felony burglary, you might as well blow it out and steal only the most expensive stuff. A couple of rolls of toilet paper, for instance (blogs.tcpalm.com)
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There's a 1 in 3 chance that your spouse is lying to you about money. This is in addition to the 2 in 3 chance that he's lying about being attracted to another woman and the 3 in 3 chance that he thinks your ass looks huge in that dress (money.cnn.com)
|
| (www.gapyear.com) |
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A woman who is facing the prospect of losing her sight has drawn up a plan to visit the world's most beautiful destinations so she can store them in her memory forever (gapyear.com)
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The human element in baseball - Part 2: The generous strike zone called during Jered Weaver's no-hitter (deadspin.com)
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Legion of Doom has moved their modernized Hall of Doom to Dubai. Suck it Super Friends (dailymail.co.uk)
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Researchers say new clue found on very old map may means the settlers of the "lost colony" of Roanoke weren't massacred by indians, wiped out by disease or abducted by aliens, but just moved up the river a bit (freep.com)
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The rise and fall of the Wu-Tang Clan. Y'all shoulda diversified yo bonds (visual.ly)
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If the Army wanted you to have a wife they would have issued you one. Now get on that plane to go Aghanistan and we'll take care of that pesky wife problem for you (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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You drink, she straightens her hair, you drink, she straightens your penis, you drink and get argumentative, she slaps you, you head-butt her, it's the Swedish way (thelocal.se)
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Godless communists at Google at it again, this time using their Doodle to celebrate the birthday of artist Keith Haring rather than the death of Dom DeLuise, the portly jester who lifted America's spirits in the Cannonball Run duology (google.com)
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South African cat survives two hour washing machine cycle, becomes Johannesburg's cleanest pussy (news.com.au)
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"If an act is designed to arouse or the result is arousal, than it's adult entertainment." There go my plans to open a Rule 34 club in Barrie (torontosun.com)
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The new Spider-Man trailer confirms that it will definitely be the summer's third best superhero film (shortlist.com)
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McAfee antivirus founder forgot to renew his firewall protection (gizmodo.com)
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What "saving face" may look like. China to dissident: we've decided to allow you to continue your studies abroad and are granting you a student visa. Dissident: I have studies to continue? China: You do now (news.yahoo.com)
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All those awesome kids shows you remember from your childhood? Yeah, they were they were totally stoned out of their minds (dailymail.co.uk)
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Samuel L. Jackson strikes down upon NY Times film critic who panned "The Avengers" with great vengance and furious anger (orlandosentinel.com)
|
| (Some Valedictorian) |
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Hot teacher took 16-year-old boy's virginity in classroom closet, refused to give him extra credit in her class (dumbassdaily.com)
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Scientists believe there was a second asteroid on the grassy knoll (time.com)
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Man keeps interest from €200 million bank error (thelocal.de)
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Dear Japan, Please stop. You're creeping us out again. Thanks, Rest of World (youtube.com)
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10 ways to celebrate Star Wars Day - "May the 4th be with you" (networkworld.com)
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| |
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New report shows that Hitler even gassed his own people (nydailynews.com)
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| |
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Doctors are still confused as to what killed Vladimir Lenin, because his body contained no suspicious marx (seattlepi.com)
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| |
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Neil Armstrong's Corvette is on eBay. Yeah, even a Corvette gets boring once you've walked on the Farkin' Moon (foxnews.com)
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| |
|
Cheryl Cole is not very intelligent. Well duhhh (metro.co.uk)
|
| (Some WV Guy) |
|
If you're going to steal copper wire, make sure it's not connected to the police department (wvgazette.com)
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| |
|
After a couple hits off the bong at the hash bar, she sat down to a medicated bowl of beef and broccoli, pronouncing it delicious (myfoxdc.com)
|
| (Some Gals) |
|
Photoshop these dingy dancers (fr.on-the-move.org)
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| |
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What's worse than opening a can of beans and finding a grasshopper included? Finding half a grasshopper (upi.com)
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| |
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The alcohol bra, flask sandals, and other devious ways teens sneak alcohol into prom. Not me though. I just snuck it in using my stomach (dailymail.co.uk)
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| |
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Never-before-seen concept art from the David Cronenberg-directed "Total Recall" that never was (io9.com)
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| |
|
Yankees closer Mariano Rivera blows out his knee shagging fly balls during batting practice (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (Winnipeg Free Press) |
|
Cancer drug causes cancer (winnipegfreepress.com)
|
| |
|
California GOP calls press conference to advertise itself as "Party of Yes". Then immediately calls for "no" vote on tax proposition (blogs.sacbee.com)
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| |
|
Species of bee that likes to drink human tears recently discovered in and around Politics tab (dailymail.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Maine convent is looking for young women who enjoy eating by candlelight, long walks on the water (onlineathens.com)
|
| (WDAY) |
|
Man arrested for mowing his lawn while wearing a loin cloth and swearing (wday.com)
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| |
|
Yahoo admits it made error regarding CEO's background. They should have Googled him (forbes.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Spin magazine's top 100 guitarists of all time. Skrillex is #100, Jam Master Jay is #10, and no Hendrix, Page, or Van Halen in sight. Oooh, edgy (spin.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Good news: U.S. victory over Iran would only take three weeks, so no big deal (rt.com)
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| |
|
Your chance to become Lord Farkington of Dangly Nads is now here, complete with village and pub, for only a couple of million bucks (dailymail.co.uk)
|
| (Boomstick Comics) |
|
Warner Bros. rebooting Little Shop of Horrors with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Feed me, Seymour (boomstickcomics.com)
|
Thu May 03, 2012
| |
|
Did the world really need a 'Perfect Strangers' video game? Well of course not, don't be ridiculous (content.usatoday.com)
|
| (WLFI) |
|
Not news - Young boy dies. Fark - Was made an honorary Marine. Ultrafark - Marine Honor Guard stands watch outside his hospital room the night he passes (wlfi.com)
|
| (Larry Brown Sports) |
|
Caps' Karl Alzner gets home after triple-overtime loss to Rangers and finds that his house has been vandalized. With mugshot of two perps caught red-pawed (larrybrownsports.com)
|
| |
|
Who knew Ron Paul could be such a shiatkicker and cause a multitude of problems for Romney? (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
|
| |
|
Chris Harrison officially a bachelor (news-briefs.ew.com)
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| |
|
Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul film first promo for Breaking Bad's fifth season, and yes, it's the cruelest kind of tease imaginable (warmingglow.uproxx.com)
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"She is by far the most difficult. She's constantly demanding, never appreciative of anything and just plain nasty." If you guessed that this was said about Christina Aguilera, step forward and claim your prize (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
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| |
|
If you're waiting for a commuter train and someone asks what's on your mind, don't say, "Just wondering what a grenade attack on Times Square would look like." Just say, "Nothing" (nj.com)
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| |
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Goodwill Industries shows their good will and returns what might be may be 1,000-year-old Native American artifact to the Caddo Indian Nation (news.yahoo.com)
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| |
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John Edwards staffer testifies his late wife Elizabeth tore off her shirt and bra during an argument. COME AT ME, BRO (bbc.co.uk)
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| |
|
The going price for rock in the Sierra foothills: $1000/gram. The catch: it has to fall from the sky and contain materials that predate our solar system (sacbee.com)
|
| (physorg.com) |
|
Biologists turn back the clock to understand evolution of sex differences. Cavewomen be SPAWNIN'. Cavemen be huntin' and gatherin' like zombies all up in the wilderness (phys.org)
|
| (Monterey Herald) |
|
When robbing a Chinese restaurant using your finger as a gun, take the cash out of the 50-pound register before running off with it. "He made it maybe a hundred yards" (montereyherald.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
By the time you receive this, we'll be gone. We came from the Level Above Human in distant space and we have now exited the bodies that we were wearing for our earthly task, to return to the world from whence we came - task completed (lasvegas.cbslocal.com)
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| |
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County Coroner in trouble for cracking open a few cold ones and then showing up at a crime scene (wishtv.com)
|
| |
|
For some reason subby wants to run out and buy stuff from The Sharper Image (starpulse.com)
|
| (Some Fully Automated Guy) |
|
It is an open question whether or not the chicks dig an automated dorm room. The university's administration, on the other hand, is definitely not getting all moist about the idea (gadgetbox.msnbc.msn.com)
|
| |
|
Full-length trailer for "The Expendables 2." Highlights include Jean-Claude Van Damme's scenery-chewing villain and Arnold saying "I'M BACK" as only Arnold can (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)
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| |
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I used to be a casual gamer like you, until I installed an Elder Scrolls MMO on the PC (ign.com)
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| |
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Growing Up Nudist: A naked childhood "I never realized that my clothes were so uncomfortable, until I didn't have to wear them anymore." Any number of tags could have covered this story, in the end it was Florida (abcnews.go.com)
|
| |
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Tea Party candidate dies during forum at Homer's Smorgasbord. That is all (610wiod.com)
|
| (Some Puddin' Pop) |
|
The Cosby Show: Where are they now? (theroot.com)
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| |
|
Woman finds cocaine stuffed inside tampons she bought in a Utah closeout store. That's just crazy, period (thesmokinggun.com)
|
| |
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Angelina Jolie hates her engagement ring. What do you know, so does Jennifer Aniston (showbizspy.com)
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| |
|
Sign of the apocalypse: College football players involved in rollover accident, not at fault, not found drunk or in possession of drugs or weapons (espn.go.com)
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| |
|
Old and busted: Ancient aliens in Egypt. New hotness: Ancient Germans in Egypt (spiegel.de)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
La Nina? Está muerta (mega949.com)
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| |
|
When "The Pick of Destiny" was released it was a bomb, and all the critics said that The D was done. The sun had set and the chapter had closed, but one thing no one thought about was The D would rise again just like the phoenix (youtube.com)
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| |
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Investors are likely to have trouble, however, when oil futures hit the saneness (foxbusiness.com)
|
| |
|
Jennifer Lopez holds press conference to announce she gave a beau job (music.yahoo.com)
|
| (Some Monkeybusiness) |
|
Chinese zookeeper licks a constipated monkey's butt for an hour to help him pass a peanut (arbroath.blogspot.com)
|
| |
|
OPEC almost maintains straight face as it claims it is working hard to bring oil prices down (finance.yahoo.com)
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| |
|
Saxon scientists make 'printable speaker'. Norman scientists announce plans to invade (thelocal.de)
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| |
|
Whoever wins the 2012 NBA championship, they will undoubtedly hear "yeah, but." In that vein, Bill Simmons ranks the 20 NBA championship that deserve footnotes, and yes, he gets #1 right (grantland.com)
|
| (Miami New Times) |
|
Florida mansion where famous porn flick "Deep Throat" was filmed is now for sale; current asking price seems a little hard to swallow, but may eventually go down (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)
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| |
|
There are two phrases you don't want to hear at a crematorium: "There's a little bit of a glitch" and "The body was too big, sorry" (news.com.au)
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| |
|
Tanning mom lashes out: "You're jealous, fat, and ugly." In related news, tanning mom got a mirror (big1059.com)
|
| (KWQC) |
|
Energy drinks can permanently damage your teeth after only five days (kwqc.com)
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| |
|
"Christian horror" flick features a demon-possessed box of porn. This could be the best comedy of the summer (io9.com)
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| |
|
Get your masks and orange jumpsuits: Slipknot to record new album in early 2013 (nme.com)
|
| (Press of Atlantic City) |
|
Churchgoers ask, "Was that Reverend Randy?" Yes. Yes, he was (pressofatlanticcity.com)
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| |
|
Man caught smuggling 2,357 litres of beer into Sweden. Tells the court it's just his personal yearly supply. They let him off (thelocal.se)
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| |
|
City claims sniper rifles are a traffic safety device. Note to self: don't speed through League City, Texas (thenewspaper.com)
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| |
|
Nothing to see here, just a dead retired Teamster with $180,000 in cash in a backpack. Happens all the time (nj.com)
|
| |
|
US teens are having a more difficult time getting laid (news.yahoo.com)
|
| |
|
Could quantum computers simulate reality better? I don't know, I'm of two minds about this (sciencedaily.com)
|
| |
|
Today's Fark-ready headline: "Cat with Doritos bag on head falls from power pole, lands on feet" (610wiod.com)
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| |
|
Gingrich, Schmingrich. Who cares? THERE ARE STILL 380 PEOPLE WHO ARE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT (washingtontimes.com)
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| |
|
In case you were wondering, scientists at the LHC explain what would happen if you stuck your hand in the path of the proton beam (idealab.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| |
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British bouncers checking drinkers' Facebook profiles to verify their identities, sluttiness (bbc.co.uk)
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| |
|
Skatalites Original Bass Player Lloyd Brevett Dead At 80. LG Live At Lokerse Feesten (youtube.com)
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| |
|
Red Sox sign Mark Prior in order to fill a need on the disabled list (espn.go.com)
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| |
|
Samuel L. Jackson is the "quiet" star of The Avengers. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MOTHERFARKER? (contactmusic.com)
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| |
|
Gizmodo thanks FARK for getting a leg up on the story about a bionic llama (gizmodo.com)
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| |
|
Imagine being locked inside a house with no food, no running water and in the middle of South Texas. Now imagine that scenario with 100 other people (chron.com)
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| |
|
Pepsi advertising may only be partially responsible for Michael Jackson's death, but will be fully responsible for his resurrection (hitfix.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Citizens United has turned political candidates into spectators in their own races (governing.com)
|
| (Great Falls Tribune) |
|
Montanans are so crazy about fly fishing they'll do whatever it takes to get on the water. Even if that water is the moat surrounding Saddam Hussein's former palace (greatfallstribune.com)
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| |
|
When will U.S. house prices recover? Around the same time that you'll get over it (marketwatch.com)
|
| |
|
Saturn, Moon and Spica align in triple conjunction tonight (space.com)
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| |
|
The Prodigy's new album to be titled "How to Steal a Jet Fighter." Between that and starting all those fires, they're not very responsible (nme.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
100 more former NFL players file lawsuit against league for not telling them football is dangerous. Smokers nod in approval (940winz.com)
|
| |
|
GOP: Obamacare may lead to forced sterilizations (thehill.com)
|
| (Washington Free Beacon) |
|
MSNBC mistakes suspended Jonathan Vilma for deceased Junior Seau (freebeacon.com)
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| |
|
Mavs look to go up 3-0 in 47-minute playoff games, while the Knicks try to score more points than there are posts in this thread. NBA Game 3s Discussion thread (espn.go.com)
|
| (ktvb.com) |
|
Nate Potter honored for brains, brawn, multiple sacks of Voldermort (ktvb.com)
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| |
|
Investigators say that massive egg farm fire was accidental, delicious (9news.com)
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| |
|
Why is Cristiano Ronaldo booed everywhere he plays? because of things like this..... giving the finger to a World Cup winner after winning the game and the league (eitb.com)
|
| |
|
Virtual shooting games may improve real-world accuracy. That Duck Hunt dog is still gonna laugh at you (arstechnica.com)
|
| (ExtremeTech) |
|
Hold on to your browsers, Firefox is gonna get another overhaul (extremetech.com)
|
| (Some Raiders fan) |
|
Carson Palmer will be protected by a giant Wang (silverandblackpride.com)
|
| |
|
Biker caught flipping the bird to speed camera (thelocal.de)
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| |
|
"Wouldn't it be awesome though if [suspending a campaign] did mean suspending citizenship? Like if you lose a presidential primary, you're deported. Wouldn't that be awesome?" (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com)
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| |
|
The top ten cities for cheapskates. Want to know just how cheap? One of the categories is "Dollar Generals in a 30-mile radius" (finance.yahoo.com)
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|
"Disguised in the trillions of dollars that is transferred between banks each day, banks in the U.S. are used to funnel massive amounts of illicit funds". Welcome to HSBC Bank USA. I love you (reuters.com)
|
| |
|
Kyrgyzstan's 'eternal flame' goes out because of unpaid gas bill (washingtontimes.com)
|
| (Nothing will happen dear) |
|
Next up, the oddest and most disturbing baseball sex scandal in years that should finally get Ohio a fark tag (newsnet5.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
"We regret to inform you that your application to the University has been denied because you're dead" (wiod.com)
|
| |
|
Iron Photoshop Ingredient: Silverware (google.com)
|
| (kplctv.com) |
|
Unclaimed bodies piling up in morgue. What will they do? Remains to be seen (kplctv.com)
|
| |
|
Is Game of Thrones' gratuitous sex worse than the gratuitous violence? (io9.com)
|
| |
|
Bicyclists outraged by sign asking them to share the road too (seacoastonline.com)
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| |
|
Man tries to get bad check cashed twice, is arrested once (mcall.com)
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| |
|
I'm shocked - SHOCKED - to hear that Lady Gaga is single again (starpulse.com)
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| |
|
Stacy Keibler: "I'm not really attracted to a big, jacked guy." George Clooney seen smiling smugly until he realizes what she just said (celebitchy.com)
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| |
|
One in 10 believe world is ending in 2012, one in seven believe it will end in their lifetime (nydailynews.com)
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| |
|
Hot Nashville Predator's ice girl scoops up a catfish off the ice last night. If you're looking at the fish to see if it's alive you're doing it wrong. (w/ video) (sports.yahoo.com)
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| |
|
Student suspended for wearing shirt that promotes a) alcohol, b) drugs, or c) Jesus (cbc.ca)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
What do you do if you're a high school lacrosse player who just got ejected for punching an opponent. Do you c) sucker punch a second opponent as you're being escorted off the field? (lastangryfan.com)
|
 |
|
Woman faked pregnancy, even had her family throw her a baby shower, before she beat a woman with a tire iron and kidnapped her baby (foxcharlotte.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Incredible Wonder Woman cosplayer makes the failed NBC pilot look even more amateur (theuniblog.evilspacerobot.com)
|
| |
|
Weaponized bird flu instructions published. Is it hot in here or is it just me? (foxnews.com)
|
| |
|
Boston University requests Seau's brain for research, keep him from coming back as a zombie with wicked tackling skills (nfl.com)
|
| |
|
It's like a politics tab Rorschach test: Do you fixate on the Obama bin Laden crack, or just start flinging poo? (theweek.com)
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| |
|
New study suggests that jogging less than two hours per week can add years to your life. Less than two hours? My God, we're going to live forever (gizmodo.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Reducing calories may preserve memory by reducing calories to preserve memory. Mmmmmm preserves (1035superx.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Horrifying: 1200 people receive the same jury summons for the same day causing a massive traffic jam. Fark: Courthouse clerk failed to update the system causing the "glitch". Milton Waddams said to be unimpressed (sacramento.cbslocal.com)
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| |
|
This just in: Ashton Kutcher still an asshole (warmingglow.uproxx.com)
|
| |
|
The Bella Twins open up about their departure from the WWE. It's now real to them, dammit (bleacherreport.com)
|
| |
|
What if the Game of Thrones characters had Dungeons & Dragons alignments? (io9.com)
|
| |
|
Prison cat is watching you try not to drop the soap (seattlepi.com)
|
| (Roger Ebert) |
|
Roger Ebert on The Avengers: "The Westminster Dog Show of Superheroes" (rogerebert.com)
|
| |
|
My 19 year old niece made a porno, should I tell her mother? No. You should send me the link (slate.com)
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| |
|
Hey you 99%ers that are railing against the rich Wall Street bastards that make up the evil 1%. You're barking up the wrong tree (townhall.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
I'll raise your BAC level and raise you a "I was so plastered I didn't know I got hit by a train" (livinglakecountry.com)
|
| |
|
In the next 5 - 8 yrs. Google and Facebook could just be gone. Not bankrupt gone, but MySpace gone (forbes.com)
|
| |
|
Iron clad proof that America will always have a two party political system (dailykos.com)
|
| |
|
Captured documents from the Bin Laden raid revealed plans for a "human lawnmower," which involved ramming a truck outfitted with spinning blades into crowds of people. No word on development of rocket skates or green bat suit (sfgate.com)
|
| (CFIF) |
|
No matter how you slice the numbers, the outcome is always the same: states that embrace conservative policies consistently outperform states where big government carries the day (cfif.org)
|
| |
|
Dog to cat... 'Are you a Wizard?' (youtube.com)
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| |
|
A comprehensive summary of all the good things the TSA has been up to the last few weeks (boingboing.net)
|
 |
|
Not only will "The Avengers" have a post-credit sequence, but it will also have a post-post-credit sequence (chud.com)
|
| (WCIV) |
|
Ma'am, is there anyone in the house? 'No officer, just my kids.' Kids, is there anyone in the house? 'YEAH There's two mens in the back watching TV and one of them's got a bullet up his butt' (abcnews4.com)
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| |
|
Weather satellites in "rapid decline", falling faster than the Georgia Satellites (big1059.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
"LONG LIVE COMMUNISM" and other Occupy Chicago pictures you won't see in the mainstream media (libertynews.com)
|
| (Some Delirious Guy) |
|
Senator John Kerry (D-elirious), head of the Senate foreign relations committee, goes to Cairo to talk about the "democratic transformation" of Egypt and to make sure everyone plays nice in the entire region (jewishpress.com)
|
| (Barrons) |
|
Herbalife: "If the market doesn't like our shares, we'll buy our own shares and have hookers and blackjack. You know what, FORGET THE SHARE BUYING" (blogs.barrons.com)
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| |
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Popular restaurant often used to host political fund-raisers hasn't paid its utility bills since opening. The city has been "mistakenly" picking up the tab instead. "There is no inside job" says the restaurant owner (philly.com)
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| |
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"If the idea of cows creepily frozen inside a mountain cabin sounds like the stuff of horror movies, bad news: The tale's ending is no less macabre" (newser.com)
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| |
|
Three Delta employees decide that the TSA shouldn't have all the drug-smuggling fun. Bonus: They're foiled when their checked bag actually arrives on time (ajc.com)
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| |
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Porn movie owners ordered to pay $350 filing fee for each IP address they sue for copyright infringement. This is why you don't annoy the judge handling your case (arstechnica.com)
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| |
|
Funny pics? You don't know the history of funny pics. I do. You laugh, you lose (fark.com)
|
| (Pensito) |
|
Hate group claims victory in firing of gay Romney spokesman, says "Romney will do the right thing if it's politically expedient" (pensitoreview.com)
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| |
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My wife asks me last night: "Would you be freaked out if someone you were dating told you they were a post-op transsexual?" So now, I pose this question to you (fark.com)
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| |
|
Californian treasure hunter Bill Warren's plan to find the greatest treasure of all: Bin Laden's rotting, waterlogged corpse (theweek.com)
|
| (FrogSoda) |
|
Normally it's the one who drinks the six beers that ends up taking off their pants (frogsoda.com)
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| |
|
National Zoo has an elephant who plays the harmonica. They should give it a tuba and see what happens (telegraph.co.uk)
|
 |
|
Looking for unique venue to hold your kid's birthday party? Look no farther than your local funeral home. "We've done a bridal shower, a baby shower, a surprise birthday party" (firstcoastnews.com)
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| |
|
Butler Bulldogs to leave Horizon and go be a giant killer in the Atlantic 10 (espn.go.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
"Normally, jumping spiders are kind of cute, but this one has more the air of the insect murderer that he actually is." You'll know the picture when you see it (somethingscrawlinginmyhair.com)
|
| |
|
Chinese activist Chen Guangcheng had this idea about how in America, human rights take precedence over cheap drywall. Which is nuts, because any moron knows re-election takes precedence over human rights and drywall (cnn.com)
|
| (Some Guy With Singles) |
|
If using welfare money for strippers and booze is wrong, I don't want to be right (freebeacon.com)
|
| |
|
YouTube: "Whoops. Sorry we banned that Kate Upton cat daddy video. Fap at your leisure" (big1059.com)
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| |
|
Harbaugh makes a negative comment about Belichik and suddenly the Ravens' Defensive Player of the Year has a torn achilles. Coincidence? (nfl.com)
|
| (South Bend Tribune) |
|
Lack of speed and poor decision-making causes a candidate to drop out of the 4-man competition for ND quarterback (southbendtribune.com)
|
| |
|
Reacting to the latest almost-crash caused by goose strikes, does the FAA 1) begin a goose-culling program, 2) call for jet engine re-design, or 3) hassle the passenger who took the goose-strike video? (nypost.com)
|
| |
|
Hillary Clinton wants to help Jason Segel forget Sarah Marshall, but only if there are muppets involved (dailystab.com)
|
| |
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Michele Bachmann set to formally endorse Romney, which would probably carry more weight if she hadn't already told a reporter, on videotape, "He can't beat Obama.., it's not going to happen" (abcnews.go.com)
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| |
|
Disappearing socks -where do they go? No, really (fark.com)
|
| (Right Wing Watch) |
|
Remember David Barton's appearance this week on The Daily Show? When he spoke about a five year old who was yelled at by a teacher for praying before eating his lunch in the school cafeteria? Yeah, about that (rightwingwatch.org)
|
| |
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Come for some geek knowledge, stay for the newspaper quotes from a time when journalists knew how to write (arstechnica.com)
|
| |
|
Ok, I know you're all sick of all the Iron Man cosplays on the Internet, but just look at it. JUST LOOK AT IT (kotaku.com)
|
| |
|
In keeping in line with the rest of America's renowned political hillbilly family from Alaska, Levi Johnston is planning on naming his newborn daughter after an Italian pistol manufacturer (dailymail.co.uk)
|
| (Some Trekker) |
|
"I'm glad you're here, because you're our pain in the ass" (videosift.com)
|
| |
|
AJ Burnett is once again a dominating pitcher now that he's out of the AL East. Just kidding, he gave up 12 earned runs in less than 3 innings (scores.espn.go.com)
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| |
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Sir Mervyn King admits that the financial crisis has indeed a single cause - deregulation of banks. No worries dear chap, your successor will surely make everything hunky dory (guardian.co.uk)
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| |
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Farker has new video out showing springtime in Washington (youtube.com)
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| |
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Man arrested for having sex with girlfriend's dog held dream job - at the local humane society (tampabay.com)
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| |
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If you had "the guy who came up with it" as the next person to come out against Paul Ryan's Medicare plan, step forward and collect your prize (huffingtonpost.com)
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| |
|
Blind Chinese activist who left the refuge of the U.S. Embassy in Beijing said he regrets the move because he can't see himself living there anymore (wptv.com)
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| |
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Connecticut becomes the 49th state to allow the sale of alcohol on Sundays. In other news the State of Minnesota is struggling to figure how to finance a stadium for the Minnesota Vikings (huffingtonpost.com)
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| |
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A Grizzlies fan tried to give Marc Gasol two in the stink (deadspin.com)
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| |
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Straight man's Facebook status: "I am gay, I'm coming out." Friends and family: "OMG" Best Buy employee who exchanged his broken cell phone: "Trollololol" (huffingtonpost.com)
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| |
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"An influential group of skeptics rejoined that cybernetics had not advanced to the point where it could create lifelike humanoids, even ones as unconvincing as Romney" (salon.com)
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Robert Pattinson To Star As Saddam Hussein Interrogator, already working on his moustache (contactmusic.com)
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Defintion of "Non-story": Media: Elizabeth Warren falsely claimed to be Native American. Campaign: actually She's 1/32 Cherokee. Media: Well, that's not Indian ENOUGH. Indians: That's the same as the Cherokee Chief (theweek.com)
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Watch Steve Jobs play FDR the way you'd imagine Ashton Kutcher will play Steve Jobs (networkworld.com)
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New study finds obese women face serious job discrimination unless they can wear a Viking helmet and sing "Ride of the Valkyries" (foxnews.com)
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"Joe" the "Plumber" and a group of knucklebaggers storm the White House and demand to be let in so he can finish the conversation they had during the 2008 campaign, but elitist Obama claims he has more important things to do (wonkette.com)
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Blood tests aren't always 100% accurate - but when the crazy looking guy with the blood-filled syringe says it's tainted with AIDS, just take his word for it (w/ mugshot) (myfoxdc.com)
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In real life I work for a foot care company and once a month I am the Lord of Alessandra (bbc.co.uk)
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Andy Pettitte completes another save for Roger Clemens (sports.yahoo.com)
|
| (Boomstick Comics) |
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Hollywood to reboot Dukes of Hazzard again. Wasn't once enough? (boomstickcomics.com)
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The bartender's first mistake was serving five beers and 13 shots of Jagermeister to a man and his pregnant girlfriend (nwfdailynews.com)
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Singer who put shuttlecock down his shorts complains nobody takes him seriously (dailystar.co.uk)
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| (Lohud.com) |
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Apart from the whole "house burning down in five minutes, killing everybody inside" part, engineered wood is a wonderful modern construction material (lohud.com)
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If you're going to demolish a house, a German tank will most likely get the job done (huffingtonpost.com)
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Biker clocked going 170 mph on NY freeway. Big shock: He was trying to get out of Albany (duluthnewstribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently feeling it is undeserving of the Worst Company in America title, EA claimed Rock Band disabling message was just an error, totally not true. Also, let's just pretend the FAQ update which confirmed the said error didn't exist (computerandvideogames.com)
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Italian soccer coach fired for attacking his own player over sarcasm on sideline. Bet that player totally learned his lesson (smh.com.au)
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| (wowt) |
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Sad: College student robbed of beer. Cool: Beer distributor offers replacement. Difficulty: Pabst Blue Ribbon (wowt.com)
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Your computer is more likely to be infected by going to religious websites than to porn websites; opposite findings for your keyboard, mouse, and monitor (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pixar to make "Day of the Dead" movie. Tim Burton, Johnny Depp surprisingly not involved (themarysue.com)
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How you know your law firm is doomed: When the senior partners distribute a memo to partners "encouraging" them find a new job somewhere else (news.yahoo.com)
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Why has most of the main stream media ignored the connection between the would-be Cleveland bombers and the Occupy movement? (newsbusters.org)
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A story about parking missiles over your house should make you stroppy but the words "War Blimp" are just too giggle-inducing (gizmodo.com)
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If you ever want to know how bad things are after a natural disaster, call Waffle House. FEMA does (foxnews.com)
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Gov. Rick Scott admits the anti-Cuba law he signed is unconstitutional and unenforceable, but what the heck (tampabay.com)
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The Harley motorcycle found washed up in Canada has been claimed. Harley Davidson will restore for free and return it... Excuse me, I got motorcycle dust in my eyes now (news.blogs.cnn.com)
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Becoming a vegetarian is the healthiest thing you can do for your body, as long as you don't mind an increased risk of colorectal cancer, lower bone mineral density, and insufficient levels of Omega-3 Fatty Acid (mnn.com)
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This is pretty much exactly what the word geekgasm was created for (shortlist.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember that guy who was expelled for watching Glee? About that (stufffundieslike.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Protip: If you are going to claim workers' comp, don't compete in MMA fights for a nationally televised promotion while you are supposedly injured (mmajunkie.com)
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One Million Moms outraged, OUTRAGED1 over JC Penney ad showing lesbian couple being happy. Also outraged over lack of corsets, chastity belts and bloomers on sale (m.jezebel.com)
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The All England Squid Championships ended with only one squid caught. With picture of the captured leviathan (telegraph.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Member of the famous Falling Wallendas gets permission to cross Niagara Falls (heraldnet.com)
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Jason Statham has now head-butted, auto-electrocuted, incomprehensibly-growled and chest-pounded his way to a billion-dollar career. Not bad for a street hawker from the streets of London (bbc.co.uk)
|
| (The Reaganite Republican) |
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Barack Obama's Accomplishments: The RNC needs to grow a pair and send this out as a mailing to all 300 million Americans (reaganiterepublicanresistance.blogspot.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you've recently been to New Zealand's East Coast and had a really good time, this article may help explain why it now hurts to pee (gisborneherald.co.nz)
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The spray that gets you instantly drunk is pointlessly amazing and amazingly pointless (shortlist.com)
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Russia threatens to preemptively strike NATO missile defense sites if NATO does not agree to their demands (hosted.ap.org)
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Here is a list of the top paid "athletes" in 30 "sports" based on salaries and or prize money from 2011. Who knew eating hot dogs could earn you $218,500 (espn.go.com)
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"This is my first experience with an animal, other than taking care of my dog Sparky," Dr. Warren says. "So, I'm branching out a little bit" (wrcbtv.com)
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Target to Amazon: "We're not your showroom." Amazon: "Target who?" (newser.com)
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Bin Laden's last words to be published today. Leaked reports indicate: "AAAAAUauuuggh...." *thud* (news.yahoo.com)
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Chefs fail to repeal foie gras ban. Great googly moogly (sfgate.com)
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After five years, taxi driver suddenly decides to tell the world's media he remembers taking missing girl in the back of his car (with bonus pic of him pointing to precisely where she sat) (dailystar.co.uk)
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Five facts you might not know about Cinco de Mayo. #6: It's not officially sponsored by Corona (mnn.com)
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Newt Gingrich, "My wife has pointed out to me approximately 219 times, give or take three, that moon colony was probably not my most clever comment in this campaign" (washingtonpost.com)
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| (WTOV9) |
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Not News: City puts up Rough Road sign. News: Someone paints "No sh*t Sherlock" on the sign. Fark: Residents respond they find it funny (wtov9.com)
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Yankees' pitcher Ivan Nova's streak of 15 consecutive winning decisions in 20 games finally stopped ... by the Orioles (nypost.com)
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Drivers neglecting to use a turn signal cause two million accidents a year, 14 outside of Florida (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)
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Photoshop this greeting at the Globe Theatre (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com)
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Omar Vizquel succeeds in getting the rare dugout ejection without being in the lineup (w/video) (deadspin.com)
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Those Kardashian-watching grandmas are back again, this time learning how to use a bong (collegehumor.com)
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When real life imitates Ferris Bueller: "You guys got nothing to worry about, I'm a professional." A professional what? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Obama's composite girlfriend: How Politico and Drudge created fake news (theatlantic.com)
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Mercury News Jockularity column picks FARK'S clever Chicago Cubs headline as their hit of the week (mercurynews.com)
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New study finds short men live longer than taller men, still the last to know if it's raining (dailymail.co.uk)
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Our profits need to be at the gym in 26 minutes (finance.yahoo.com)
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10 years, 200 episodes and counting. Why Mythbusters is *STILL* the best nerd show on TV (gammasquad.uproxx.com)
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I said SAINTS' DEFENSIVE LEADER JON VILMA LIKES PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY ABOUT AS MUCH AS YOU'D EXPECT (nfl.com)
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Coach with speech impediment named to head England's national soccer team. The Sun is thewe (smh.com.au)
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| (Fox Sports Local) |
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Brewers now looking for replacement for Prince Fielder's replacement. Tag is for Mat Gamel's knee (foxsportswisconsin.com)
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Apparently Newcastle United scored one of the English Premier league's best ever goals last night. I scored one like this once. On the Playstation (shortlist.com)
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Forbes: America needs a Paul-Johnson ticket. Gary Johnson: I don't work with DoKKKtors (forbes.com)
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Miss a day, miss a lot. Not only were there 3 games last night (NYR/WAS, NAS/PHX, NYR/WAS (2nd game)) but they were done in time to see the last two innings of the MLB no hitter. What will tonight bring? PHI/NJD @ 7:30 & STL/LAK @ 10:00 (tsn.ca)
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Prepare to be slaughtered by an army of robot birds (engadget.com)
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How Hollywood lied to us about romance (theatlanticwire.com)
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"It's like The Dating Game meets The Voice, only with c-list celebrities." This Fall on Fox (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Munch's "The Scream" sells for $119 million. If only there were an apt visual metaphor which expressed the extreme consternation and surprise appropriate for such a sum being offered for a bit of pigment squiggled onto paper (thedailybeast.com)
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Thirteen-year-old student to Metropolitan Museum of Art: "Your map is wrong." OH SNAP (courant.com)
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Donald Rumsfeld said giving the order to kill Osama Bin Laden was an 'easy call', except when he pulled the plug on a similar raid over fears of infuriating Pakistan (politico.com)
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Meet the bastard who made chip bags impossible to open (gizmodo.com)
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Protip: If your first kidnapping victim gets out of the trunk of your car and escapes, you may want to wait a little more than 30 minutes before trying to kidnap another woman. Just sayin' (myfoxatlanta.com)
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| (Myrtle Beach Online) |
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Low-cost airline charging $100 per carry-on bag (myrtlebeachonline.com)
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Ann Romney is just like you. Assuming you wore a $990 shirt to your CBS television appearance (politico.com)
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Father of the year candidate goes to: A man who entered a school bus with his daughter and encouraged her to fight another girl (pennlive.com)
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News: Jered Weaver throws first career no-hitter. Not News: Against the Twins (scores.espn.go.com)
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| (Hats off to Larry) |
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With Roy Halladay on the mound and a 6-run lead against Atlanta, Phillies coast to a 15-13 loss in 11 innings (atlanta.sbnation.com)
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That's a great headline Forbes, now don't get penisy (forbes.com)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 365: "Wow! Nice Wood!" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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William Orders, a hang glider pilot, stands accused of swallowing key evidence in a young woman's death. For once, police are closely following Orders (huffingtonpost.ca)
|
Wed May 02, 2012
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Teen Mom star spends her "hard earned" MTV money on her new twins - unfortunately it wasn't spent on her kids (eonline.com)
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"Frank McCourt is not involved in any shape and fashion. Frank is not here. He's not a part of the Dodgers any more. We should be clapping just for that" (sacbee.com)
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Presenting the most outlandish sentence in the English language: "Kim Kardashian -- who is thinking of getting into politics -- has high praise for former GOP presidential hopeful Rick Santorum" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Hallelujah, it's raining men in the ladies room (seattlepi.com)
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Marine biologist says "there's actually useful applications" for a shark with a frickin' laser beam attached to it (wired.com)
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Who's the black private dick who's theme song guitarist just played his last lick? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Cop steals from car at Disney World, will be sentenced to five hours on "It's a Small World" (news.com.au)
|
| (ktvb.com) |
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Shoplifter pulls out samurai sword, slashes prices (ktvb.com)
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Does baseball need instant replay? Watch this video and then decide (deadspin.com)
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Green Mountain stock now a steaming pile of brown (marketwatch.com)
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Teen saves sister by killing man with skillet. Authorities say charges probably won't pan out (knoxnews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Exposing your genitals then stabbing and pistol whipping people is no way to spend a Wednesday night, Officer Dumas (abclocal.go.com)
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Caption this free offer (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com)
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10 #dumbest #celebrity #tweets. #notaslideshow (trutv.com)
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Why does god hate the 1994 Chargers? Seau is the 8th member of that team to die before age 45. One teammate was killed after being struck by lightning, twice (deadspin.com)
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Lou Ferrigno still thinks he's the actual Hulk. Better not make him angry, just to be on the safe side (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)
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Not News: Man goes to pick up his daughter from day care. News: The place is locked up tight. Fark: He has to break in to get inside because the three-year-old was left alone (news.yahoo.com)
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Home health aide guilty of stealing nearly $800K from elderly woman. Thank you for being a fiend (nypost.com)
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Photoshop these perched painters (cdn.theatlantic.com)
|
| (KPTV) |
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Lion attempts to get to toddler at zoo (kptv.com)
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Rap concert raises the roof, collapses the stage (starpulse.com)
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Star torn to shreds by a black hole. Sadly, not anyone from a reality show (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Did you ever want to see an underwear-clad Simon Pegg screaming his head off in total panic? Too bad, here's the poster for "A Fantastic Fear of Everything" (comingsoon.net)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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21 members of Congress and the Muppets they resemble (clotureclub.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Famous movie quotes as if spoken by a proper Englishman (slacktory.com)
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NYR@WAS, 7:30 PM ET on NBCSN. PHX@NSH, 9:00 ET on CNBC. PLAYOFF HOCKEY THREAD, right here (scores.espn.go.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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We can rebuild him, we have the technology ... to build the world's first bionic llama (fox40.com)
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NBA Playoffs mess around, get a triple-header: Utah @ San Antonio (7pm TNT), Indiana @ Orlando (7:30pm, NBATV), and Clippers @ Memphis (9:30pm TNT) (sports.yahoo.com)
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Chyna's plastic surgery went rather well... if you're into the Patton Oswalt look (celebitchy.com)
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T-13, r-22, a-37, p-69 (sacbee.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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A helpful illustrated guide on how to say "Fark you" around the world (mandatory.com)
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Suu Kyi sworn in as member of Burmese parliament, receives five dollars (abc.net.au)
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You mean I CAN'T buy a yacht with taxpayer money? What kind of country is this? (nwfdailynews.com)
|
| (Some Future Ditch Digger) |
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning not to assault and attempt to rob a teacher in the school cafeteria? (owingsmills.patch.com)
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Wife of NC state senator sponsoring anti-gay amendment clarifies her previous remark by implying that only Caucasians are gay (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Newt Gingrich suspends his campaign. In other news, Newt Gingrich was still running for president (csmonitor.com)
|
| (Art Info) |
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Art Info picks the Top 5 celebrity stories of the week and wishes to thank FARK for making #5 suddenly appear (artinfo.com)
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Law banning cannabis for tourists in The Netherlands is under a week old, and already black markets have sprung up, people are now sparking up in public. PROBLEM SOLVED (reuters.com)
|
| (Some diver) |
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Coolest photos of a giant Pacific octopus fishing for and eating a seagull you'll see today (leaderpost.com)
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Psychic changes the shape of a clooood, er, cloud. For maximum hilarity, turn on the closed captioning (youtube.com)
|
| (The Columbian) |
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The Columbian's "Talking Points" column picks FARK's clever headline about Albert Pujols as their top sports buzz of the week (3rd section) (columbian.com)
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Cool: training a border collie to herd sheep. Farkin' amazing: training a border collie to herd mule deer out of Waterton Lakes National Park's townsite (youtube.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Missouri's GOP-controlled Legislature: we want to pass a "Don't say gay" bill. MO Republican lawmaker: Then can I say "I AM gay" instead? Because I just did (columbiatribune.com)
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A bunch of guys decide to turn off their GPS devices, hide their cars, go home and watch a movie. Fark: They're on-duty deputies and sergeants (wptv.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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You bring a Cessna, we'll bring a F/22. It's the Chicago way (chicago.cbslocal.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
The Republican led house has only worked 41 of the first 127 days of 2012. 41 working, 86 complaining about Obama's golf outings (politicalwire.com)
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Young Barack Obama: "Where all the white women at?" (politico.com)
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Take my star player--please (grantland.com)
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Breathe easy people, the nightmare is over. Women volleyball players say they won't be switching from bikinis to the more modest uniforms approved recently by the International Volleyball Federation (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)
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British spy whose body was found inside a locked sports bag was likely "killed in a criminal act", says London coroner Ric Romero (usatoday.com)
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Texas Attorney General calls Planned Parenthood a "terrorist organization" in a motion to stay a U.S. district judge's ruling (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (Slactory) |
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I was a teenage Meme: Heartwarming letters from Fat Emo Guy to the girl who counts to potato (slacktory.com)
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Former motocross champ sets new world record on high-speed toilet (mirror.co.uk)
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Sadly, Colbert Nation, you have lost the Diane Keaton vote (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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The bad news is that you've been caught after killing your mother and grandmother. The good news is that your mug shot will make every top 50 list for the next 10 years (boston.com)
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Garbage truck starts new underwater pickup route (wtam.com)
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Article on why Star Trek's vision of the future is out of date. "Because it was devised back in the 60s" surprisingly missing (io9.com)
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5 Things that cause, ...er ...um. You know what I'm talking about, those ...things ...., (news.yahoo.com)
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How bad is Scott Gomez at hockey? The Montreal Canadiens will pay him over $10 million, and reduce their salary cap space by over $3 million, just so he can stop playing for them (sports.yahoo.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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PF Chang's becomes PF Cha-Ching's as private equity firm buys the chain for $1.1 billion (dailyfinance.com)
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Major donors to Scott Walker's re-election campaign include a Vegas casino mogul, big players in the financial industry, and an NBA team owner. Very few actual Wisconsinites however (businessweek.com)
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China loves its pork, but when their droppings become an issue, hey why not make it into a fuel? (news.yahoo.com)
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Dinosaurs were DRAINED of blood by GIGANTIC HORROR FLEAS (emphasis not added) (theregister.co.uk)
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Junior Seau has gone full Dave Duerson (tmz.com)
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It's Manc-on-Manc action as United and City fight for the EPL title on Monday, followed by a midweek orgy of 4th-6th place battles featuring Chelsea, Spurs and Newcastle (bbc.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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News: Group held hostage in restaurant. Fark: for refusing to pay gratuity (click2houston.com)
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Suspect in the act of robbing adult video store caught by police before he can get off a shot (khou.com)
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That scary black diamond run you're always bragging about at the local ski hill has nothing on this Lebanese resort, where the hazards on the slopes include getting shot by Syrian border troops (reuters.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Facebook plans May 18 IPO. | like | shares | please | (mega949.com)
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Supermoon this weekend means supernothing. Supersorry, superpeople (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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And now, a review of a movie that revolves entirely around penises for 75 minutes. No, not Top Gun, that one ran for 110 minutes (blogs.indiewire.com)
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North Carolina's "Amendment One" to ban Gay marriage is needed "to protect the Caucasian race" says: a) The KKK's grand wizard; b) some crazy televangelist; or c) The wife of the bill's sponsor (dailykos.com)
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'Iceman' mummy holds world's oldest blood cells, which experts predict will lead to either a Michael Crichton book or a Pauly Shore movie (news.yahoo.com)
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"So long, and thanks for all the fish." "Hey, you too" (news.yahoo.com)
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Ever wanted to get into bed with identical twins? Well this guy married them (and their cousin). Polygamy rocks (dailymail.co.uk)
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Paralyzed Rutgers defensive tackle gets signed by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, immediately moves to second on the depth chart (news.blogs.cnn.com)
|
| (The Week UK) |
|
Violent Belarus police arrests entire audience watching screening of film about violent Belarus police (theweek.co.uk)
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How do you say goodbye to Newt? By creating a Goodnight Moon storybook tribute of course (sponsored link) (indecisionforever.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently feeling it is undeserved of Worst Company in America title, EA is disabling purchased copies of Rock Band on iOS devices (computerandvideogames.com)
|
| (Antarctica Bar) |
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Reminder: NYC Fark Party tonight: 9pm Antarctica Bar on Hudson. Johnny Walker tasting is full, this is the afterparty (LGT location) (antarcticabar.com)
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Pfizer hoping their new Alzheimer, blood thinner and arthritis drugs will pillage the competition (bloomberg.com)
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New research from the Romero Institute seeks to find out what causes that "fresh-cut grass smell." Preliminary findings indicate cut grass (mentalfloss.com)
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Two players for the Nashville Predators suspended because they stayed out late partying the night before a playoff game. If the whole NHL thing doesn't work out for them they could always get a job with the Secret Service (azcentral.com)
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BBC America takes a bleeper to The Thick Of It to censor the swearing, leaving it with just three words of dialogue (bbc.co.uk)
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Good news: City Comptroller did not steal $30 million from the city over the course of ten years. Bad news: City Comptroller stole $53 million from the city over the course of twenty years (qctimes.com)
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At least one person was upset at Keith "Bridge Burner" Olbermann's firing from MSNBC: Osama Bin Laden (washingtonpost.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Tampa police Capt. David Goodman said he's glad citizens are being aware of their surroundings and that the pot plant was found before the Republican National Convention (baynews9.com)
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One problem with using a turkey call while out hunting turkey is that the turkey isn't the only animal that might think you're a turkey. Turkey (sunjournal.com)
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Oompa Loompa Jersey mom puts five-year-old in tanning bed, burning her. Officials, Wonka not amused (huffingtonpost.com)
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Anyone who understands economics knows that President Obama's green jobs initiative is snake oil (townhall.com)
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If you are going to have sexual relations with your girlfriends dog it's probably a good idea to delete the pics off your cell phone (tampabay.com)
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Say folks, would you like to become a rapist? Are rapists getting a bum deal in your part of the country? Worry no more fellas, I invite you to come to Montana, the land of trophy elk, big skies, and consequence-free rape (reuters.com)
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Lost budgie returned home after reciting its entire address to police. Mrs. Essence flushed hers down the loo (telegraph.co.uk)
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Cardboard cutout of Tim Tebow accompanies Iowa high schooler to prom, is expected to make the next Fark party (desmoinesregister.com)
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If you're going to use boxer shorts to disguise your face during a robbery, don't let them briefly fall off (upi.com)
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While most of the political focus is on Gingrich finally accepting the inevitable, one man maintains course and will give no quarter, show no mercy (slate.com)
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Not News: An analysis of Florida crashes reveals old people are bad drivers. Fark: And are incapable of turning left (wptv.com)
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St. Louis Cardinals honor Tony LaRussa by retiring his #10 jersey (usatoday.com)
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It's been forty years since the American workforce had benefits and salary that ran parallel to economic growth, and those forty years have been full of pay disparity based on both race and gender (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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HBO's Magic City had so much trouble finding natural women without implants or bags of bones they had to place ads and proposition strangers on the beach (dailymail.co.uk)
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Protip: If your lawsuit claims 'chronic pain and diminished ability to enjoy life' it's probably best to keep those vacation pics off facebook (cbc.ca)
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Oil Can had crack every day during '86 season, never leaked into cup (espn.go.com)
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After analyzing all the hard evidence, FDA finally approves new fast-acting erectile dysfunction drug (thechart.blogs.cnn.com)
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They are freaking out... man (marketwatch.com)
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Get ready ... The Facebook IPO road show is coming to your town (bloomberg.com)
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GOP fell victim to one of the classic blunders: Never criticize a perfectly legitimate attack ad when the presidency is on the line (thedailybeast.com)
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Because it's never too early to argue that the Saints are too damn high, ESPN's post-draft power rankings (espn.go.com)
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The story of I Dream of Jeannie (neatorama.com)
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News: Man charged with burglary after breaking in to barn. Sick tag: He was performing oral sex on a horse (pennlive.com)
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New York Jets players, coaches finally at center of positive story: trying to find bone marrow donor for critically ill fan (sports.espn.go.com)
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How ESPN hired, then fired, a scam artist (deadspin.com)
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Photoshop this tipped truck (msnbcmedia4.msn.com)
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Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law means you cannot be prosecuted for using deadly force against an attacker-unless you're a woman who fires a warning shot to stop your husband's attack-then you get 20 years (theatlanticwire.com)
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This flying hovercraft can be yours for a cool quarter mil (eels extra) (thesun.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Who can ever forget Major Winchester as the fattest Manhunter in the galaxy? A look back at 1990's live-action "Justice League of America" (joblo.com)
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Looking to re-build its scandal-plagued mortgage banking business, Citi decides to hire the former chief executive of Freddie Mac, the only mortgage lender with an even worse reputation than their own (reuters.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Republicans livid that left-wing corporations can also use tax loopholes (businessinsider.com)
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Seattle Times Sideline Chatter column bumps FARK's headline about Rajon Rondo up to the top as the best of the week (2nd section) (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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Stallone is working on a "formula" for Rambo 5. Subby can help: it's guns + bombs + guts = $$$ (shortlist.com)
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If Bush had killed bin Laden this is the ad the GOP would have ran (thedailyshow.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Meet Florida State's new mascot: My Little Pony (cfbsection.com)
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Floyd Mayweather finally states the obvious: "Getting in the ring with Pacquiao would risk my future [mental, physical, and emotional] health" (espn.go.com)
|
| (KVIA.com) |
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Teen with Down Syndrome wins gold at Special Olympics, second place in a national beauty contest... but still has one more goal to fulfill before she graduates high school (kvia.com)
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Bricks from Bin Laden house are being sold for a nickel each. Get your OBL bricks here (now.msn.com)
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| (TechCrunch) |
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This student will either be swimming in women or a completely hopeless virgin. There is no in-between. He made his dorm room that awesome (techcrunch.com)
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Brooklyn doesn't like boobies or amazing hot wings with dip (dailymail.co.uk)
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Orioles manager Buck Showalter celebrates 1,000th MLB win. In future news, the Baltimore Orioles will win the 2013 World Series (abcnews.go.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
People are re-discovering manual transmissions in cars. Women apparently not asked about this (autoblog.com)
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 |
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You get busted celebrating 4/20 day by the DEA. Do they: A) arrest you, B) throw you in a small cell, C) forget about you for five days leaving you to drink your urine to survive, or D) ALL OF THE ABOVE? (nbcsandiego.com)
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Tyler Perry presents Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry Studio is on fire (ajc.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Pastor: Is your toddler acting gay? Punch them (advocate.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Yet another victim of campaign finance violations: John Edwards' hair (esquire.com)
|
| |
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Note To pedophiles: When preparing for a routine home inspection by the police, don't forget to release the 12 year old boy locked-in the cabinet (dailymail.co.uk)
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| |
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Though it only came out a handful of years ago, we're already getting a Van Helsing reboot...starring Tom Cruise (insidemovies.ew.com)
|
Tue May 01, 2012
 |
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China to boost Hungarian imports. They'll just be Hungary again in an hour (chinadaily.com.cn)
|
| (nooga.com) |
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Responsible journalism at its finest: Five Chattanooga locations to snipe people from if I were a sniper, which I'm not (nooga.com)
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Markers + graph paper + a capella singing = EPIC music video (youtube.com)
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High school girl decides that just because her religion forbids dating, or even dancing with boys, that's no reason she shouldn't be able to buy an expensive prom dress--so she organizes an "all-girl prom" (nytimes.com)
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The Sun has just learned about the existence of LOLcats. Be here next week when Ric Romero learns about the existence of the UK (thesun.co.uk)
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Mangini doesn't feel so good about ratting out the Patriots in Spygate (content.usatoday.com)
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So vote Republican? (npr.org)
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Yes, yes, yes, sort of want, mmmmeh why not, yes, yes, HELL YEAH, maybe, yes, sort of want, YES, would hit, fist of an angry god, hmmmm crazy eyes, no thanks, how about no, what's with the glasses, maybe, maybe, DO NOT WANT (buzzfeed.com)
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Yo dawg, I heard you like bookshelves so I wrote a book about bookshelves to put on your bookshelf (npr.org)
|
| (CONTEMPORIST) |
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Photoshop this festive woven furniture collection (contemporist.com)
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Choose who you sit next to on a plane via social media. What could possibly go wrong? (travelandleisure.com)
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Stephen King on rich people: "The majority would rather douse their dicks with lighter fluid, strike a match, and dance around singing "Disco Inferno" than pay one more cent in taxes" (thedailybeast.com)
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"If you like to eat, then Cook It Raw is the kind of high-minded, just-shy-of-bullshiat-sounding experiment you should be happy exists" (travelandleisure.com)
|
| (Bangkok Post) |
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Thai workers: "We need a 300-baht minimum daily wage next year." Thai official: "What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn baht man" (bangkokpost.com)
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| |
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Honestly, who throws a shoe? Oh, Dwayne Wade? (nytimes.com)
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| |
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Ann Romney: Mitt is "a wild and crazy man inside" (huffingtonpost.com)
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| |
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Slow news day: 50-pound turtle OK after getting hit by car (ajc.com)
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| |
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Best dog ever guards his owner's bike (liveleak.com)
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Adidas profits run ahead of expectations (link fixed) (bloomberg.com)
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| (C&E News) |
|
How worried should we be about intelligent space dinosaurs? Apparently enough to try and get the same paper published three times in three separate journals (cen.acs.org)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Doubtful News thanks FARK for the story about a father who tried to sacrifice his 8-year-old son at the cemetery (doubtfulnews.com)
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| |
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Boston Celtics hope to level in Atlanta, a Rose-less Chicago Bulls will try to stay ahead of Philadelphia in the series, and Denver will try to steal a game from the Lakers. It's your occasional NBA playoffs thread. Games start at 7:30pm EST (espn.go.com)
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Jessica Simpson gives birth to 9lb, 13oz baby. Gives it the best porn name ever: Max Johnson. Fark: It's a girl (eonline.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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I hope you like Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk, because he now has a six picture deal to play the Hulk (marketsaw.blogspot.ca)
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Three grandmas talk about the Kardashians and watch Kim and Ray-J's sex tape. Choice quotes include "why is it so purple?" and "it looks like a snake" (with not safe for work language) (youtube.com)
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Scarlett Johansson hates being hot: "I wanted to be a character actor" (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
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Gay spokesman for Romney campaign has officially been tied to the roof of the family car (washingtonpost.com)
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With the rest of the world resting the Devils went down to Philly, looking for a win to steal....Not in a bind but they were one behind and looking to make a deal. Devils at Flyers, 7:30PM ET (nhl.com)
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Woman comes home drunk and bites family dog. Dog bites back in self defense. No charges against the dog (newser.com)
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Bruce Dickinson to create 1,000 jobs. Yes, THE Bruce Dickinson (telegraph.co.uk)
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Bank robber admits to stealing silver chalice. He chose... poorly (nj.com)
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| (kdvr.com) |
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I don't know whether the chicken or the egg came first, but I'm pretty sure that the egg farm fire came before 500,000 chicken deaths (kdvr.com)
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Articles "for women" that should be banned, including everything between the covers of Cosmo (theatlanticwire.com)
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The bucket-list baby is done checking items off of her bucket list. Sad tag trumps Followup (toronto.ctv.ca)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bouncing bruin (dailycamera.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Try to pass a real $50 bill at a Quick Mart in Tennessee? That's a jailin' (t-g.com)
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The Florida of the hamburger world clogs the arteries of another quarter (jsonline.com)
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New Jersey punk band Screaming Females get "Ugly"... and by ugly Subby means awesome (motherjones.com)
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NJ transgender woman successfully gets Aetna to cover her mammograms and prostate exams (nj.com)
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Hauling ass now cost roughly $5 billion a year (huffingtonpost.com)
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President Jed Bartlet and the cast of The West Wing reunite for a silly pro-walking PSA (funnyordie.com)
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In an eleventh hour adios, Lionel Richie has bailed on his newest project ABC's Duets. This guy is apparently unclear on how comebacks work. #dumbassmove (bittenandbound.com)
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In today's episode of "Completely Missing the Point", lawmakers claim their explicitly-branded "Judeo-Christian Prayer Caucus" isn't exclusionary because people of any faith are invited to come pray to Jesus (mlive.com)
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90% of moms would prefer an iPad to flowers on Mother's Day. No word as to whether showing her a picture of flowers on your iPad is acceptable or not (tech.fortune.cnn.com)
|
| (Gainesville Sun) |
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"Well, which combination of rice, beans, and sub-human-grade ground beef _did_ you want?" (gainesville.com)
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Why would you put ketchup on hot dogs? That's the greatest sin of all time (fark.com)
|
| (Gore Vidal Now) |
|
Gore Vidal, Mike Wallace and the 1967 CBS News report, 'The Homosexuals' (gorevidalnow.com)
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Police storm troopers raid the homes of political activists and harshly interrogate them. What country is this in? China? Syria? New York City? (gawker.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
It's 1am. Do you know where your child is? If you said "in the hospital with a gunshot wound after breaking into the school", come and get him (mega949.com)
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| |
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Moore's Law is due to expire in about 10 years or so (foxnews.com)
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Yep, Florida (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)
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Senator Scott Brown was happy to vote to repeal the Affordable Care Act, and he's just as happy to use it to keep his 23-year-old daughter insured (politico.com)
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The next Bank of England governor will be . . . a former Goldman Sachs banker (independent.co.uk)
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As Romney keeps saying that even Carter would have killed bin Laden, let's remember that Carter is a graduate of the Naval Academy who served for 10 years. That's 10 years more than the cumulative service of the Romney family (theatlantic.com)
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| |
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What is the bravest thing you have ever done? (fark.com)
|
| (Embarrassed MENSA guy) |
|
Any MENSA Farkers out there? You'll be please to meet your newest member: a two year old (timescolonist.com)
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| |
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After 236 years, American independence is fully vindicated (express.co.uk)
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What's the difference between Albert Pujols and a company worth $240 million? The company would have a HR (foxnews.com)
|
| (Some Cool Guy) |
|
This is why America still rules--the shot glass greeting card (55his.com)
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| |
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San Francisco changes the definition of what a hill is for fun and profit. But, mostly for profit (blog.sfgate.com)
|
| (NewsNet5) |
|
Red TransAm seen idling nearby. Two men inside told "they will never work in this town again" (newsnet5.com)
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Britney Spears in the cheap buffet capital of the world? Gee, what could possibly go wrong? (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
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Would you like to fly the most advanced airplane in the world, that doesnt really work? Neither do Air Force Pilots (gizmodo.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
And thus ended all productivity for the day (armorgames.com)
|
| (cbs baltimore) |
|
Johns Hopkins University adds new course to catalog: Don't Bang A Hooker If You're A Secret Service Agent 101 (baltimore.cbslocal.com)
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Babies R Us has a modest proposal (latimes.com)
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Federal Court ruling that Texas cannot bar Planned Parenthood from serving low-income women blocked 5 minutes later by Appellate Court (blog.chron.com)
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"Transformer Raiders: Epic Fail". This is not an article about Shia LaBeouf (big1059.com)
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Post-traumatic stress flashbacks can be prevented--with Tetris. Apparently it blocks out bad memories (wired.com)
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Town of 11 purchases enough beer for each resident to drink 1071 12oz beers a day. Oh, and there's that Native American Reservation a couple miles north suing them (omaha.com)
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Dear Prudence: "My wife is very proper and would never pass gas in public (or even semi-private), but when we have sex she farts. A lot, sometimes" (slate.com)
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On the upside, at least they aren't trying to hide it anymore (breitbart.com)
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Being "born again" linked to more brain atrophy, according to pivotal new paper from the Journal of Trolling Research (philly.com)
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"After punching a man several times in the face without provocation, Juarez got off the bus and got back on to throw a garbage can" (big1059.com)
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| |
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Another day, another patent battle to stifle innovation (theregister.co.uk)
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Spirit Airlines won't refund ticket for terminally ill Vietnam Vet; says the only way he can get a refund is to die before or during the flight. Come on, man, show some spirit (foxnews.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
There is nothing to add that can make this funny: 90% of SSL-encrypted secure web sites aren't (trustworthyinternet.org)
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Senior Citizen Attacks Golfing Bachelor Party. Tells them to respect their elders ... as he drives a golf cart into them (newser.com)
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World swimming champion meets untimely death: a) crossing the English Channel, b) saving a child from drowning, or c) in the shower (straitstimes.com)
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GOP on student loans: "We need offsets to pay for this". GOP on Bush tax cut extension: "Offsets? What are those?" (thehill.com)
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Worst celeb interview ever? TV reporter flirts with Cardinals third baseman David Freese: "Watch and feel embarrassed for every single person involved in this mess" (stltoday.com)
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| |
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The top five cliches that liberals use to avoid real arguments (washingtonpost.com)
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| |
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The 37 saddest failed Kickstarter projects. "I have taken so many dumb part-time jobs to keep it going that it is embarrassing and tiring" (buzzfeed.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Octomom to rely on Rule 34 for income (wptz.com)
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OCCUPY *not valid Nov 1 - April 30 (nypost.com)
|
| (BGR) |
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Apple to crush carriers, become direct service provider (bgr.com)
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The Occupy protests taking place today have a long and illustrious history, as this video from the glorious 1950 May Day parade illustrates so well. Pay no mind to the genocidal dictator on the reviewing stand (youtube.com)
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John Lovitz has become the latest ex-SNL cast member to suffer from a debilitating condition that turns them bitter, unfunny and politically conservative. Scientists are calling it "Dennis Miller Syndrome" (news.yahoo.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Liberals know that Voter ID will stand constitutional muster. This is just a means of preventing those laws from having an impact on the 2012 election (philadelphia.cbslocal.com)
|
| (The American Interest) |
|
Europe is showing a frightening nostalgia for the 1930s (blogs.the-american-interest.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Apparently not content with just your browsing habits, Facebook now wants your organs (digitallife.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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| |
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Life stinks for high school media specialist busted over sock fetish (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)
|
| (Mancave Daily) |
|
5 card-carrying Avengers who are an embarrassment to superheroes everywhere (mancavedaily.newyork.cbslocal.com)
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You can get paid to fish on the Columbia River (katu.com)
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Supermoon Alert With unhelpful picture of what a "Supermoon" doesn't look like (foxnews.com)
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Orlando magically disappears in the third quarter (nba.com)
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"Do you know just how fast you were going young lady?" "Yes, officer, I'm sorry. I'm late for a drug deal and he gets angry if we're late" (heraldtribune.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Student drops F-bomb on principal. Principal's response? A) Suspend kid. B) Have cops tase and arrest him. C) Actually show empathy. BONUS: School's suspensions drop like a rock (acestoohigh.com)
|
| (Some Bard) |
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They were just like Romeo and Juliet: except Juliet's mom sent topless pics to Romeo's cell phone and his father then blackmailed Juliet's mom for an Xbox. But other than that (dumbassdaily.com)
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Drunk couple decide that towing their 7-year-old granddaughter's Hot Wheels racer behind an SUV, with granddaughter at the wheel in car show attire, is a really cool idea. Strangely, a deputy watching this was not amused (heraldtribune.com)
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Three Unix administrators walk into a bar (networkworld.com)
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Owner of the bar that told a girl to go be fat somewhere else wants to issue an apology, maybe even bake an apology cake (press-citizen.com)
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Because you'll never fly Virgin Atlantic First Class, you'd never find out that their ice cubes are now shaped like Richard Branson's head. Hence this greenlight. You're very welcome (shortlist.com)
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What do you do if you disagree with someone's political positions in North Carolina? Shoot up their lawn signs, of course. Oh, and don't forget to film yourself doing it (gawker.com)
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Man left with embarrassing trouser problem after abandoning four-burgers-a-day diet (with helpful pic) (dailystar.co.uk)
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Sears turns a profit (chicagotribune.com)
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Merchants complain that new lightweight Canadian $1 and $2 coins are making vending machines go loonie (marketwatch.com)
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Step 1: Patent an obscure bit of government funded telecomm tech. Step 2: Build it into a new GPS system. Step 3: Profit (theregister.co.uk)
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This crab may only be a baby, but judging by his expression...you're lunch (express.co.uk)
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So you know that impending student loan rate crisis that's about to destroy our nation and has both parties tearing each other apart (again)? Yeah, turns out it's not really much of a crisis at all (usatoday.com)
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When you boil everything down, the real reason the GOP and its talking heads are upset with Obama's bin Laden ad is simple: he's using their playbook. And it's working. Ric Romero nods in agreement (thedailybeast.com)
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Charlie Sheen sues strip club because "it could damage his reputation" (nypost.com)
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In a shocking do-it-yourself article, you may be using the wrong extension cord (gizmodo.com)
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Soon to be most hated man in America calls for the banning of college football. Fark: He actually makes a valid point (slate.com)
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The new Brooklyn Nets logo is to awesome as the Nets are to basketball (nydailynews.com)
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40 years ago, Turd Ferguson freed the Bandit and became a cultural icon (Not safe for work) (bbc.co.uk)
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Strong demand for Jeep Grand Cherokee puts Chrysler hiring plans into overdrive (content.usatoday.com)
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Rep. Joe Walsh to overflow crowd of eight people: "We get it. He's black" (huffingtonpost.com)
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How do you say "LOOK AT ME, I'M AN ATTENTION WHORE" in Spanish? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Instead of making a crappy movie based on fake events, why didn't Hollywood use a real story of Edgar Allan Poe's art being imitated by life? (ramblingbeachcat.com)
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What passes for "reform" on Wall Street. Proxy advisory service: It's okay to pay the CEO of JP Morgan $23 million/year, but you really should cut his job responsibilites in half (cnbc.com)
|
| (Last Angry Fan) |
|
Liverpool fan rushes onto the pitch and hugs Luis Suarez, then simulates masturbation before mooning the crowd. Or as they call it in Italy, fan participation (lastangryfan.com)
|
| (WJLA.com) |
|
"Hello, 911? Yes, I'm calling to report a home robbery." "Okay, sir, what did they steal?" "My weed." "Your what?" (wjla.com)
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Girlfriend jailed in "adult entertainment" beating, demonstrating Hell hath no fury like a woman porned (blogs.tcpalm.com)
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21-year-old MMA fighter goes against untrained 53-year-old guy who jumps in the cage with one hour's notice. Thanks old man, for a memorable three minutes of excitement (language NSFW) (youtube.com)
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Jonathan Coulton - Being "Alone At Home" can turn a guy into a real beast (buzzfeed.com)
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Bryce Harper spends his first MLB day off seeing if he can hit a softball over the Washington Monument using a metal bat during an adult rec slow-pitch game. Fark: Swing and a miss. W/ video (sports.yahoo.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Unattended multi-million dollar mansions in San Diego are being raided by groups of up to 400 very hard-partying teens. "The house was trashed. Vomit, cigarette butts, bottles everywhere" (10news.com)
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| |
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Where is the mainstream media's coverage of the shocking "memo" issued by nine state attorneys general detailing 21 specific violations of law by the Obama administration? (townhall.com)
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Documents recovered from the raid that killed Osama bin Laden show he wanted to rename Al Qaeda to something less identified with "failure after failure". Unfortunately for him, "Congress" was already taken (openchannel.msnbc.msn.com)
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The House GOP shows its commitment to fiscal conservatism by demanding Bohener schedule a vote to repeal the estate tax, because won't somebody think of the children of billionaires? (dailycaller.com)
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Was a celebrity chef's prized Lamborghini found in a teenager's storage locker? Yuuup (sfgate.com)
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Last week's "study" that claimed homophobes were actually closeted gays? Yeah, about that (slate.com)
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On the bright side, the sermons about Hell just got a lot more realistic (wrcbtv.com)
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Newest conservative hero: Perez Hilton (breitbart.com)
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| |
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The history of key design: From ancient wooden rods to the hotel keycard (slate.com)
|
| (Myrtle Beach Online) |
|
Man attending anger management classes assaults his two children, girlfriend and another woman after learning the kids were taking a bath (myrtlebeachonline.com)
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Chris Christie could be persuaded to run as VP, but is more likely to walk fast or jog slowly (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Soylent Green? (philly.com)
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"I'm proud to be joining Arsenal, one of the top clubs in Europe", said Lukas Podolski. And some say the Germans don't have a sense of humor (telegraph.co.uk)
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Photoshop this belittled billionaire (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com)
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Rajon Rondo bumped for Game 2 (usatoday.com)
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The latest side effect to Obamacare: it's saving senior citizens billions on Medication. Romney expected to try and claim this latest news as his own shortly (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
|
| ($25 pumping fee) |
|
Two of the most hated industries are oil companies and commercial airlines. So, let's welcome our new Voltron of Suck: DeltaConocoPhillips (refiningandpetrochemicals.energy-business-review.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Best. Farking. Rain Delay. EVER (klkntv.com)
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Shut up and get bootstrappy (forbes.com)
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In the midst of the war on women, it's nice to see a Governor with common sense (startribune.com)
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According to British lawmakers, Rupert Murdoch is not fit to run an international corporation, lemonade stand (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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From the "I Want To Party With Her" files: Woman caught shoplifting Coppertone Dry Oil, Modelo beer, Pepsi, Bubba keg, Combo ink, Tampax tampons, shampoo, Energizer batteries, and Venus razors (nwfdailynews.com)
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| (newburyport news) |
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How desperate is New Jersey for income? They're going after a $73 unemployment overpayment to a teenager in 1977 (newburyportnews.com)
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Hermès fakers $lapped (bloomberg.com)
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Everybody stop everything: The new Dark Knight Rises trailer has arrived (youtube.com)
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| (PhillyBurbs) |
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Man exposes himself at Association for the Blind (phillyburbs.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Paramedics called to Knicks locker room after Amare Stoudemire cut his hand punching a fire extinguisher. Guess he couldn't take the Heat (sbnation.com)
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Star Trek sequel's villain is revealed: KHAAAAAAAAN (breitbart.com)
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Dear Judge: Eddie didn't mean to steal that seven thousand dollars from those children. He just had a brain tumor. Thanks for understanding. Sincerely, Eddie's doctor (mysanantonio.com)
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Beer may save the mail service. Beer, what can't it do? (money.msn.com)
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Teacher facing charges after dragging boy, 12, under table saying 'This is what the Nazis do to Jews''. Her lawyer contends it was simply a Holocaust lesson gone bad (dailymail.co.uk)
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Composer Joel Goldsmith, best known for his work in the Star Trek and Stargate franchises, died yesterday of cancer (deadline.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Geek who never missed a day of school since kindergarten is graduating soon, valedictorian, and wants to study engineering. Fark: She's also captain of the cheerleading team, and yes, there's a photo (westhawaiitoday.com)
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Five scientific explanations for Game of Thrones' messed-up seasons (io9.com)
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"Funky Winkerbean" takes a break from cancer and soul-crushing depression to send a couple of boys to the prom together (usatoday.com)
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Mon April 30, 2012
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In honor of their 100th anniversary, Universal Studios reveals 100 facts you may not have known about the studio or their films. For example, "Dude" was said in the Big Lebowski 161 times (huffingtonpost.com)
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Benjamin Netanyahu's father, Yoda Netanyahu, has died. (PIC) (nytimes.com)
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"Young said Hunter complained that her Reuben sandwich had the wrong sauce and then called her spiritual adviser and healer for help" (foxnews.com)
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And if my radio offend thee, pluck mine eye outee, and cast it from thee (azcentral.com)
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The May issue of GQ in Mexico has see-through pics of Sofia Vergara, but I just read it for the articles (Not safe for work) (wwtdd.com)
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| (Architizer) |
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Home's glass-bottomed bathroom situated above deep elevator shaft will have guests crapping their pants before they ever reach the toilet (w/crap-inducing pics) (architizer.com)
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Move over Ali-Liston. There's a new Greatest Boxing Photo of All Time (sports.yahoo.com)
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Mom makes her son's school lunch look like awesome art (gizmodo.com)
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Republicans' latest attack on Obama? *spins wheel* He's too cool. Seriously (thedailybeast.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You cancel fire insurance for the antique business housed in your candle-lit wooden barn. What could possibly go wrong? (abc27.com)
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Old woman is given the ears of a chihuahua (sadly, not surgically, because that would look awesome) (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Obama doubles down: "I assumed" Romney meant it when he said he wouldn't get bin Laden (thinkprogress.org)
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Yeah, about that whole "Wind farms cause global warming" thing (csmonitor.com)
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On tonight's WWE Monday Night Raw, marvel in amazement as a senile promoter wastes $5 million by making Brock Lesnar sing "Feelings" to a Paul Bearersicle while eating Doritos Tacos Locos. Deep Hurting starts at 9 PM on USA (bleacherreport.com)
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Photoshop this water work (msnbcmedia2.msn.com)
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Did the parents realize their kid was kidnapped in Monsters, Inc? This is among the Six Disturbing Unanswered Questions from Children's Movies (cracked.com)
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Instrument thieves who may be prone to violins, a note from the Stop Hitting Yourself Institute, and researchers discover the Kardash-ion: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/22 - 4/28 (fark.com)
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Dog is my co-anchor (blog.trutv.com)
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Actual quote from man held hostage by German Nymphomaniac. He fought back tears to tell them: "I met her on a bus. She invited me back here. It was hell. I can't walk. Please help me" (thesun.co.uk)
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"Thank you for choosing HULU to watch your favorite shows for online for free. Please enter your cable bill account number to continue" (gizmodo.com)
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A Christian Minister comes to find out just how Christian her community is after she comes as an Atheist (npr.org)
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Sucks: You get fined for dropping a cigarette butt in the town center. Fark: You're a non-smoker, the butt wasn't yours and was stuck to your shoe (thesun.co.uk)
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Give me my kidney back, you ungrateful biatch (foxnews.com)
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Yeah, right: A video game based on a superhero movie that doesn't suck. Fark: A Facebook video game based on a superhero movie that doesn't suck (dailymail.co.uk)
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What happens when a Marine's mom sends him some Justin Bieber T-shirts (hypervocal.com)
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| (NYCAviation.com) |
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Hey, Remember When the Space Shuttle Flew Over New York Last Week? That Was Cool (nycaviation.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Improv Everywhere really knows how to make a date... special (improveverywhere.com)
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"Silicene" could be the world's next great wonder-substance (io9.com)
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Caps at Rangers 7:30 -- Kings at St. Louis 9:00 PM -- Farkers at Drinking... pretty mush all the time. Today's NHL playoff thread (nhl.com)
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Photoshop theme: what England would be like if the Normans lost in 1066 (fark.com)
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Yo, dawg. We heard you don't like super PACs, so we made a super PAC that targets other super PACs (huffingtonpost.com)
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Members of the 'digitally dominant' shun actual human contact in all forms, ordering food and doing their shopping online while often only "speaking" to "friends" on internet forums. What losers, huh guys? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Boy pees on $36,000 worth of Macbooks, ruining both of them (m.gizmodo.com)
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Zac Effron says HE'LL commit suicide if he hears anymore High School Musical songs (express.co.uk)
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To E15 or not E15, that is the question (startribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police on Friday were investigating what would cause Latham to go on his nude rampage. "He was not very cooperative throughout (the incident)" (thestarpress.com)
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There was a second gunman in the RFK assassination, behind the refrigerator (cnn.com)
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| (Myrtle Beach Online) |
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News: Woman assaults boyfriend with a hammer. Fark: Did we mention it was an inflatable hammer? (myrtlebeachonline.com)
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Borg says EU Needs Tougher Bank Capital Rules, must be assimilated (finance.yahoo.com)
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This might shock you, but all those documents seized in the Osama bin Laden assassination show that OBL had close ties to al Qaeda and the Taliban. I know. Almost fell off my chair, too (guardian.co.uk)
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| (CBS News Detroit) |
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In the greatest example of viral marketing to date, BMW gets sued because its motorcycle seats cause 20 month erections, prepares to sell 10 million bikes next month (detroit.cbslocal.com)
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With all this talk about Voter ID laws and racism, it's easy to overlook a huge mass of forgotten voters: convicted felons (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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HS pitcher hits bird with a pitch. Bird tells pitcher he's no Randy Johnson, flies away (sports.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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So I got some poison ivy on my hands this weekend. What exotic disease should I tell my coworkers I have? (plate.com)
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(*checks tattoo on her forehead*) Yep, that's the one, officer. That's the one who keeps watching me in the shower (thesmokinggun.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chloe Moretz: Carrie remake will be like Black Swan. So lesbian sex with pig blood then (aceshowbiz.com)
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"Oh, hi doc. Whatcha doin?" "Surgery on your collapsed lung. Go back to sleep" (vitals.msnbc.msn.com)
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Grading the NFL draft ... by network coverage. Difficulty: Grade inflation (deadspin.com)
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| (Twitchy) |
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Twitter suspends, reinstates, suspends, reinstates, suspends account of conservative activist's husband (twitchy.com)
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Submitter has been a Fark liter for 10 years. Why should he upgrade? (fark.com)
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A couple creates a simple, beautiful bucket list for their six-month-old baby dying of Spinal Muscular Atrophy (wptv.com)
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Elect me and I promise to rebuild the Titanic (news.com.au)
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NYC's Freedom Tower - which will surpass the height of the Empire State Building today - is not even finished yet and it's already at war with another NYC building. You know what happened last time a couple of buildings went to war? (nypost.com)
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Mel Gibson admits he has "A little bit of a temper." In other news, Amy Winehouse liked an occasional drink (nydailynews.com)
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Fark's favorite teen bride and food gourmet dons thigh high mini-dress and 6 inch heels for an impromptu trip for kitchen utensils (dailymail.co.uk)
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"The store randomly shuts down once you step inside" -- and seven other things Microsoft didn't copy from Apple Retail Stores (teamcoco.com)
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10 weird retro inventions (techeblog.com)
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| (thelocal.no) |
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Today's Fark-ready headline: 'Horny Jesus hits cop with massive butt' (thelocal.no)
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European stocks drift lower on news of Spanish recession [JARRING CHORD] (nytimes.com)
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The state of Parenting 2012: Dear Abby, whenever my eight-year-old son loses a game, he takes his anger out by beating our dog. He'll be mad at me if I put him in therapy, so how do I convince my wife to get rid of the dog? (news.yahoo.com)
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In a suprise twist, federal prosecutors are demanding convicted white-collar criminal Sam Cohen, who defrauded celebrities and foundations of $60 million, be sentenced to "robbed a 7-11" kinda time (news.yahoo.com)
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| (PhD Comics) |
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What is the Higgs Boson? Here's a layman-friendly animated comic strip that even subby understood (vimeo.com)
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Hungry Hippos - The Movie (SyFy Parody) (youtube.com)
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Barclays shareholders are revolting. Why yes, ...yes they are (bbc.co.uk)
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Electoral map, reality, does not favor Romney (washingtonpost.com)
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This just in: even tornadoes can't stop the coming Zombie Apocalypse (wrcbtv.com)
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Angry toddler storms off on bike, gets lost, tells police it's his parents' fault for not fitting a sat nav [with angry toddler pic] (express.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: UFO Guru predicts a UFO will appear on Sunday over an LA park. News: Enough people show up to make it a story. Fark: It actually happens (news.gather.com)
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| (Berkeley.edu) |
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University of California at Berkeley School of Business features their student of the month, Drew Curtis (newsroom.haas.berkeley.edu)
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Not news: Clippers go down 27. News: To Memphis. Fark: Both teams actually made the playoffs. HOLY MOTHER OF FARK: Clippers come back to win (sports.yahoo.com)
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Trading standards officers test lamb kebabs in 20 restaurants, they found that none contained just lamb (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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South Carolina mother of the year shoots pool at 3:30AM, leaves baby in the car with dog for protection (wsoctv.com)
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Applying GOP logic to Obama "taking credit away from the SEALS", how dare Eisenhower take credit for D-Day, Patton for winning the Battle of the Bulge, and that pesky MacArthur for taking back the Philippines (edition.cnn.com)
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Women were pulling each other's hair and punching each other, "it all went pear-shaped" (news.com.au)
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Israel's political leaders are greatly exaggerating the potential effectiveness of a military strike against Iran, according to the former head of some apparently liberal peacenik organization called "Shin Bet" (google.com)
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What do former presidents Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush have in common? Their disdain for Jimmy Carter, because he went rogue and conducted foreign policy after leaving office without any authority from the White House (nypost.com)
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If you lost a Harley Davidson during the Japanese tsunami, you'll be glad to know that your bike has been found.. washed up on a beach in Canada. w/vid (liveleak.com)
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New York City thinking of banning happy hour. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE (foxnews.com)
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Three weeks ago, a nurse told Woody Roseland that he was cancer-free, and Jeremy Guthrie had no one to throw the ball around with. A few tweets later, Jeremy's teaching Woody how to pitch dust right into submitter's eye (espn.go.com)
|
| (Please leave us alone) |
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Browsing the web near a political event on your mobile? You will now get opposition political spam ads based on your location. THE FUTURE IS HERE (legalinsurrection.com)
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Derrick Rose's season-ending ACL injury mocked--by LeBron James' Nike shoe designer (espn.go.com)
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Family sings Bohemian Rhapsody on their way to school every day to get the kids pumped up for class. W/video (11alive.com)
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Khloe & Lamar pull the plug on their spin off reality show, plan to focus on Animal Planet's "Finding Bigfoot" instead (tmz.com)
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"Hello, my baby Hello, my honey Hello, my ragtime gal" Well, he was a minute ago. Honest, Where ya going? You gotta see this (youtube.com)
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The silliest complaints to the UK film regulator. 'Every time Judi Dench swears in a film, we expect complaints' (uk.movies.yahoo.com)
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College student sues bar for telling her to go be fat somewhere else (news.yahoo.com)
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Yo Dawg, I herd you like Forbes. So I'mma write an article about Forbes in Forbes so you can get your Forbes on while you read Forbes (forbes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
"Here's another fact we found out from the state police: troopers don't have any responsibility to inform a business if a sex offender is living in their parking lot" (wcyb.com)
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Why not to wear Red Sox gear in Yankee Stadium? TKO in Round 1 (deadspin.com)
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Not news: Father brings son to cemetery. Fark: To sacrifice him (nbcsandiego.com)
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Spain's high unemployment throws country into recession as most common profession becomes siesta (newser.com)
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Semin trickles down to fourth line after two visits inside the box (sports.yahoo.com)
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Rajon Rondo: 20 points, 11 assists, 1 ref chest bump. 1 ejection (hangtime.blogs.nba.com)
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College professor plans to study stress, alcoholism. Which may be the most ingenious way to get a research grant for writing a personal diary anyone in academia has ever come up with (wrcbtv.com)
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Will.i.am so bored by reality TV job he sends text messages to friends live on air (express.co.uk)
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Remember how Google was caught illegally tracking users without their consent? Turns out it never happened. Just kidding, it did and was "authorized at the highest levels" (nytimes.com)
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Politics drive BJ where it doesn't want to go. Wait, BOJ. Bank Of Japan. Damn sticky keyboard (marketwatch.com)
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Seattle Times Sideline Chatter column picks FARK's unbelievable headline about the 1st place Orioles as their highlight of the week (4th section) (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
|
| (WTAE-TV) |
|
Pro tip: If you must sunbathe, don't do it in the middle of the road (wtae.com)
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Come for the neuroscience, stay for the amazing connection to Trotsky. Oh yeah and it doesn't hurt that she's smoking hot too (cbsnews.com)
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Drunk driver crashes into liquor store. JACKPOT (ctpost.com)
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"Underneath the bed is a white dress the killer used to wipe his hands, and a slab of uncooked bacon the killer maybe used as a lubricant to masturbate" (salon.com)
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Meet the Swedish boy who's turning Japanese, we really think so (news.com.au)
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Televangelist Joel Osteen: While I believe homosexuality is a sin, we can't discriminate against gay people. They should be treated as equals and be loved (dailycaller.com)
|
 |
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Surprising contributor to global warming: wind farms (news.discovery.com)
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Apparently, Keith Olbermann got a little butthurt over Kimmel's jokes at last night's White House Correspondent's Dinner (mediaite.com)
|
Sun April 29, 2012
| |
|
Going for a drive? Listen to these 25 songs as you embark on your journey (pastemagazine.com)
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| |
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Apparently, waving your arms in the direction of a guy who nearly runs you over is grounds for getting shot under the "Stand your ground" law in Arizona (cnn.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
If you ever found yourself wishing that Dee Snider would release an album of Broadway show tunes, it looks like May 8 might be your lucky day (ultimateclassicrock.com)
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| |
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Two of the world's rarest mammals photographed for the very first time (io9.com)
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Al-Qaida looking to outsource future attacks (slatest.slate.com)
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Researchers eager for more grant money say injecting Botox may stop teeth grinding. BRILLIANT (clickorlando.com)
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When Obama goes fundraising, liberals defend him by saying "politicians have to raise money." When he goes fundraising more than the last five presidents COMBINED, they defend him by saying that "it's much harder for him" (dailymail.co.uk)
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New Prometheus trailer is full of monsters. I'm not saying they're Aliens (denofgeek.com)
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HOA goes insane, evicts tenants from their homes, then rents out same houses it doesn't even own (www2.tbo.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Neil Gaiman talks to Stephen King about why he wrote a sequel to The Shining, whether he'll rewrite The Dark Tower to remove himself, and other authory stuff (journal.neilgaiman.com)
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A real-life Norman Bates has been busted for fraud for dressing up like his dead mother for six years and collecting her benefits. But he doesn't believe he's done anything wrong-because he actually believes he is his mother (newser.com)
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NBA Playoffs, Day 2: Celtics face the Hawks in Atlanta and Memphis hosts the Clippers. Yes, those Clippers. This is for all six NBA fans on Fark (scores.espn.go.com)
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Not wanting to be left out of the fun a teacher's aide has been arrested for sending nude photos to 16 year-old students because she 'enjoyed the attention'. With you'd hit it with your ruler picture (dailymail.co.uk)
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Will the team of John Cena and Diverticulitis defeat Brock Lesnar? Can CM Punk quit crying and cutting himself long enough to face Chris Jericho? Will Daniel Bryan's match last more than 18 seconds? It's WWE Extreme Rules, 8 PM on PPV (sports.yahoo.com)
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Greece's Island of the Blind, where taxi drivers, farmers, restaurant owners and shopkeepers are all blind (telegraph.co.uk)
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Truck spills milk onto Texas interchange. Emergency crews seemed unnaturally stoic (upi.com)
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University of Texas-San Antonio football: "On second thought, the WAC does not sound good for our program, let's go to Conference USA" (espn.go.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
News: Frustration with government leads to secession talk. Fark: The Upper Peninsula seceding from Michigan (miningjournal.net)
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Taake. Nordbundet. SHMHC. Noregs Vaapen (youtube.com)
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Are you ugly? iPhone, iPad app tells you what the rest of us already know (khou.com)
|
| (Bangor Daily News) |
|
There's no middle ground when it comes to Moxie. You love it or you hate it. Oh, and the new logo was designed by a teenager (bangordailynews.com)
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London council to residents: "Thanks for all your complaints about drug addicts causing problems. Due to an administrative error we have given your names and phone numbers to the drug addicts....we're good though, right?" (bbc.co.uk)
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Today's Fark-ready intro: A double killer who had a sex swap and was moved to a women's jail is divorcing the lesbian murderess he wed behind bars (dailystar.co.uk)
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: An elephant, a lion, and a tiger walked onto a highway (cnews.canoe.ca)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Canadian sci-fi convention announces entire cast of Star Trek TNG as guests. C) Too many nerds turn up, failarity ensues (calgaryherald.com)
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Phil Jackson enjoying retirement on Montana ranch with egomaniacal livestock who hate each other (theonion.com)
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A small number of surviving veterans marked the 68th anniversary of the Anzio beach landing in Italy aboard the USS Mahan. Let's take a minute to salute what they've done before these 90-somethings are all gone (wtkr.com)
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Old and busted: Spray on tan. New and hot: Roll on tan (dailymail.co.uk)
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Council tells woman with twins who haven't been separated since birth to take them to different schools two miles apart...even though she has no car (express.co.uk)
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Subbette honestly wants to know who Farkers think the strongest Fictional character is and why. Is Goku stronger than Superman? Is Doctor Who better than the Green Lantern? Discuss (fark.com)
|
| (Awwww) |
|
A live webcam of the cutest Red-Tailed Hawk babies that you'll see all week (metobs.ssec.wisc.edu)
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The Walking Dead video game is just as intense and brutal as the comic book and TV show. Bonus: No Carl (venturebeat.com)
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Photoshop this car designed with pumps in mind (i.telegraph.co.uk)
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Chin implants the latest must-have for U.S teen girls wanting to make an impact on prom night (dailymail.co.uk)
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| |
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Less than 100 days to America's next test of Martian space defense systems (jpl.nasa.gov)
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Drug company releases powerful new antibiotic to treat the Plague. This is not a repeat from 1348 when it would have been more helpful (ctv.ca)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
All that hubub last week about the new Google Drive ToC allowing them to steal your stuff? Turns out their competitors all do the same thing, just with "more artful language" (informationweek.com)
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Scientists discover that power is as addictive as cocaine, but harder to grind up and snort (dailymail.co.uk)
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The real reason Jim Delany has opposed a playoff: it will magnify the Big Ten's failure to become a consistent national title threat and diminish the league's Rose Bowl consolation prize (omaha.com)
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Wiffle Balls are almost 60 years old, and you still shouldn't squeeze them (livescience.com)
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The Great Woz has spoken. The new Windows phone is the best smart phone OS out there. Jobs rolls over in grave (dailymail.co.uk)
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Foreign countries with a financial stake in seeing the US oil and gas industries fail are funding left-wing groups and documentaries to spread lies against 'big energy'. Oh, and the media is in on it too (newsbusters.org)
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The Avengers has already grossed $178 million overseas. Guess the whole world wants to see Captain America throw his mighty shield (hollywoodreporter.com)
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First match of the Mid-Atlantic: Devils at Flyers 3:00 - Cats and Dogs: Preds at Yotes (with Yotes up 1-0) 8:00 -- What's not to like (games.espn.go.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Manhole 1, Land Rover 0 (autoblog.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Morans (addictinginfo.org)
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| (Daily Finance) |
|
Five American companies that should be ashamed of themselves, that is if they had shame. Yep, that company is on there and that one. That one, too (dailyfinance.com)
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What does God sound like? Evidently a cross between Spock, King Jaffe Joffer, and Pee-Wee Herman (with helpful illustration) (religion.blogs.cnn.com)
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Celebrate the Hubble Space Telescope turning 22 with this amazing gallery of pictures it has taken over the years (blog.seattlepi.com)
|
| (Daily Finance) |
|
Five American companies doing it right. List fails without Costco...oh, wait, there it is (dailyfinance.com)
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It's not a stretch to see the advanced skills of these three Russian gymnasts (break.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Just so you know. THIS is a Beerfest (sfbeerfest.com)
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Stop the presses: BARACK OBAMA WINKED WHEN HE SAID HE WAS BORN IN HAWAII SO THE BIRTHERS WERE RIGHT (wnd.com)
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Castalia Macula, Caloris Montes, Baba-Jaga Chasma, and Chryse Chaos: rejected Star Wars character names, or geographic features on other planets? (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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No-talent, never played the game jocksniffing pundits rate Tebow higher than Sanchez. And by "no talent, never played the game jocksniffing pundits", I mean, "NFL players who rated the top 100 players in the game" (msn.foxsports.com)
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O RLY? (sltrib.com)
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| (WCTI) |
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15-year-old has to wear two-sided sign that reads, "I have a bad attitude. I disrespect people who try to help me" (wcti12.com)
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Good news: Eight mayors band together to publicly compare the ban on marijuana in the United States to Prohibition. Bad news: They're not mayors in the United States (blog.seattlepi.com)
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| (Cap Times) |
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A new challenger has risen in the Wisconsin recall. He's a winner who's performed on the national stage and is probably more popular than anyone else in the field...Charles Woodson (host.madison.com)
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British woman of 104 jumps 2,400ft off a mountain...just to irritate a competitive 101-year-old American (express.co.uk)
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The Orioles are one of the best teams in baseball? Well played, Mayans (baltimoresun.com)
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Can Power win for the 3rd year in a row? Will Lotus be able to find replacement hamsters in Brazil? It's the Sao Paulo Indy 300 (Coverage starts at 11AM ET on NBC Sports Network) (espn.go.com)
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LA coroner dies of arsenic poisoning. The same week that Breitbart's autopsy report is due out. OBAMA DEATH TOLL AT 6. (weapons grade derp in the comments) (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dumb: Demanding to get off plane to find your lost wallet. Dumber: Arguing with flight personnel and getting removed from the plane. Fark: Your wallet turns up in Chicago on the plane you were removed from (940winz.com)
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President Obama mocked everyone from the Secret Service to Mitt Romney to the GOP as a whole at last night's Correspondent's Dinner. "We both have degrees from Harvard. I have one, he has two. What a snob" (suntimes.com)
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It's time for the updated Fall TV death watch. Spiffy: Fringe gets a final season (insidetv.ew.com)
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Have a few more potato chips, some popcorn, and maybe a couple pretzels. It's good for the sweat bees (foxnews.com)
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Is it rude to laugh at your boyfriend if he starts crying during an emotional scene in a sports-themed movie? (seattlepi.com)
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One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell which thing is not like the others, by the time I finish my song? (couriermail.com.au)
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It's 5 a.m. and you've had one too many. The logical thing to do is: A) Drink some water and go to bed. B) Eat some greasy eggs and go to bed. C) Knock on your neighbor's door naked (palmbeachpost.com)
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Bob Dylan will receive the nation's highest civilian honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom, for his contributions to the arts as both a singer and songwriter. Smart move, President Obama (rollingstone.com)
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Ahh doppelbock: The high-maintenance girlfriend of beers (chicagotribune.com)
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Area man discovers that when investing in the Franklin Mint 401(k), past performance is not indicative of future results (heraldnews.suntimes.com)
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London to create the world's coolest roof garden complete with its own veggie plot, seating area and surface to air missile battery (metro.co.uk)
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IBM to eliminate 78% of its American jobs, leaving behind only executives, salespeople, and employees working on US government contracts that require workers to be US citizens. Everyone else will be gone. Everyone (betanews.com)
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Travelers who are sikh and tired of being scrutinized by the TSA create iPhone/Android app to file complaints (npr.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The US Navy is considered the master of six oceans. But Russia, Canada, and Demark have the upper hand in the seventh (adn.com)
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The relegation battle on Saturday, and the battle for fourth spot on Sunday. It's your weekly EPL discussion thread, now better tasting and less filling (bbc.co.uk)
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Yo dog, we heard you like blind dogs, so we gave your dog a seeing eye dog (news.yahoo.com)
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The real breakout star of the 2012 NFL draft? The blazing hot wife of Miami Dolphins' new quarterback Ryan Tannehill, of course (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man startles cat, knife fight ensues (lfpress.com)
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| (GizMag) |
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It's a streetlight. Really, it's just a cool streetlight (gizmag.com)
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Minnesota Viking arrested for beating someone, proving that he's not really Vikings material (espn.go.com)
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| (TheWave) |
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Miss New Hampshire USA, living free and kicking the crap out of her boyfriend: Mugshot Goodness (967thewave.com)
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Opera glasses used by Abraham Lincoln at Ford's Theater could bring $700,000. Auction house desperately hoping someone will take a shot at it (bloomberg.com)
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| (Winnipeg Sun) |
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Butch Vig says Kurt Cobain's solo album was "all in his head." But not for long (winnipegsun.com)
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Jury finds that cop who beat up a legally blind doctor, from behind and without provocation, is a total prick. Bonus: police internal affairs cleared the cop and recommend the man be charged after defending himself (cbc.ca)
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(Shakes Etch-a-Sketch, turns knobs): You know, the whole GM bailout was Romney's idea. Obama just did what Romney told him, and it all worked out great (thehill.com)
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Old-and-busted: John Titor. New hotness: Seattle attorney Andrew Basiago. Famous photo shows him as a child at the Gettysburg Address (huffingtonpost.com)
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Give up for a week: Sex, Internet, or Booze? (fark.com)
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The Chukchi people near the Bering Sea utilize old school technology to store information: Elders. They not only still have words for mammoths, they still have hunting instructions and recipes for mammoth (newswatch.nationalgeographic.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bryce Harper sends first hit to the moon (includes ass pic) (mlb.sbnation.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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When robbing a store for diapers and beer, be advised that some cab drivers will NOT drive you on your getaway (with Son, you got a panty on your head picture goodness) (salem-nh.patch.com)
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| (Doubtful News) |
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Doubtful News thanks FARK for the unusual story about coincidental lottery winners (skeptic.com)
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I'll see your incredible Italian accordion shenanigans and raise you a Costa Rican trombone quartet performing J. S. Bach's most recognizable tune (youtube.com)
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Savannah Sampson says she does it all for her son, but if her 10-year old finds pictures and videos of what she does, she'd be mortified. Hey, he's 10 with internet access, how long do you think it will last (dailymail.co.uk)
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Logo for ButtleOpener deemed too risqué to appear on the hood of a car (tennessean.com)
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Cockatiel escapes home and gets blown miles away in high wind, but skilled bird dog on the scent retrieves it and reunites it with family (helenair.com)
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Sat April 28, 2012
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How NOT to get out of a speeding ticket: Flash a fake badge at the police officer and tell him "You're in trouble" (tampabay.com)
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At least one dead and a hundred injured in beer garden tent collapse in St Louis (stltoday.com)
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Swan porn? That'll be a bestiality charge (telegraph.co.uk)
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"I tasted a beer once...and never did it again", says Mr. Will Not Even Come Close To Becoming President (alternet.org)
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♫ Every Rose has its torn (ACL) ♫ (espn.go.com)
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Woman's first hang gliding experience turns into her last skydiving experience (cbc.ca)
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Leaders of an insular religious commune are under investigation by authorities for extensive child abuse... in Waco. This is not a repeat from 1993 (wfaa.com)
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Bob Geldof, whose daughters include Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches, and Little Pixie, complains about his grandson's unusual name (dailymail.co.uk)
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Tighten your belts for short track Saturday night. It's the Sprint Cup Capital City 400 from Richmond (nascar.com)
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Zoe Saldana reveals that her favorite sex position is "being on my knees". In related news, Subby now entering one-handed GIS mode (starpulse.com)
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A brief history of international signs (mentalfloss.com)
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| (Norwich Bulletin) |
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After being turned down applying for grant, saucy eight year old uses her noodle and raises enough money to deliver 20 homemade lasagnas to the local soup kitchen. Garfield smiles, pushes Odie off the table (norwichbulletin.com)
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| (Some Guy (links to WSJ op-ed)) |
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Your state taxes are going up (way up) because the guy who dropped out of high school at 17 to work on a garbage truck got to retire at 37 with pay and benefits for life. Move along, citizen (volokh.com)
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There is a collective length of about 6 inches between them all (techeblog.com)
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Who mandates the shade of blue? Who picks the colors for your kitchen re-do? We do, we do (slate.com)
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"It seems President Obama is the first male in his line not to be a polygamist" (nationalreview.com)
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Tim McCarver thinks global warming is to blame for all the home runs these days in baseball (video) (deadspin.com)
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Turns out that dark matter may be giving us a stealth ass kicking (msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Twitchy) |
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Piers Morgan: Americans don't know what a 'wanker' is; Americans: thanks for demonstrating (twitchy.com)
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Stephen Colbert rips David Koch to his face in front of everyone at the Time "100 most influential people" gala (dailykos.com)
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The fact that the Republican National Convention is being held in one of the top 5 strip club cities in the country is just a coincidence....seriously (tampabay.com)
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Photoshop this giant girl and dog (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com)
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Go right through video game history (news.cnet.com)
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Man busted for parking his truck on the side of the road to sell seafood and regular, strawberry, blackberry and apple-flavored moonshine. Why yes, this did happen in Florida (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)
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These 10 companies own enormous number of consumer brands (with cool infographic) (huffingtonpost.com)
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Governator pulled over for speeding; caption this conversation (i.dailymail.co.uk)
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NBC pulls its newest sitcom. No, not that one. Or that one. Something called Best Friends Forever (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Washington at NY Rangers 3:00 PM Los Angeles at St. Louis 7:30 PM (espn.go.com)
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Sam Raimi is remaking Poltergeist. This news will make you want to go into the light (slashfilm.com)
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1. Date a young female dentist. 2. Dump her for another woman. 3. Show up at her office two days later for oral surgery. 4. Mrrrmphglglh (dailymail.co.uk)
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Memo to Secret Service agents: no more drinking alcohol within 10 hours of working; no bringing foreigners to your hotel rooms; and, no going to "non-reputable" establishments (newser.com)
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Walmart unveils a revolutionary new way to pay for online purchases, using specially printed slips of green paper, or as they call it, "cash" (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rep. John Dingell (D - Michi...Wait..It means what?) We switched the meaning of the familiar political term of "teabagger" to another, alternate meaning. Let's see what happens (thedailydolt.com)
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Congress will treat all important issues in 2012 like it's fourth and ten (thehill.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Former USC QB Matt Leinart expected to sign with Oakland Raiders, to back up former USC QB Carson Palmer (cbssports.com)
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Take that, Ryan Gosling. McDreamy played the hero himself by pulling an injured teen from a flipped car (newser.com)
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Bob Jones University kicks out student for watching Glee. In other news, enrollment of Farkers at BJU explodes (ireport.cnn.com)
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The world fears being plunged into anarchy and chaos as the Prince of Lichtenstein threatens to step down. Yeah, so, apparently Lichtenstein has a prince, who knew? (news.yahoo.com)
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Fox new host angrily demands Obama "stop using the US military as a photo-op", or at least, you know, put on a flightsuit and hang a few banners first (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The face of the Tea Party in PA (post-gazette.com)
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Parents warned about dangers of upper-floor windows -- as apparently people these days are too stupid to understand the gravity of the situation (ktla.com)
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You never know what to expect when you discover your crazy ex-girlfriend has sneaked into your backyard to drink and tan by your pool (nwfdailynews.com)
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How far will Lamar Miller's draft free fall take him? Who will be the 2012 Mr. Irrelevant? Which teams will be talking about Colt McCoy? NFL Draft: Part III - Rounds 4-7 (Begins at 12:00 PM ET) (espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Animal control officers discover rare Arrowhead goose in CT (theday.com)
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New high-tech cat door will scan your cat's face in order to prevent raccoons, squirrels, and very very small burglars from getting inside your home (mnn.com)
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S.F. Giants' Aubrey Huff placed on DL for anxiety attacks. Doctors suggest a trade back to the Orioles where there is absolutely no pressure to win (abcnews.go.com)
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Student uses cell phone camera to document important high school events: Homecoming dance, Senior prom, ex-principal passionately kissing ex-school secretary (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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There's caring for the environment and then there's eating fish you raised inside your New York City apartment (asiaone.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Last year, GM awarded its CEO $7.7M in compensation - and used its proxy statement to complain that the government kept them from paying even more (ksdk.com)
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Nothing gives you confidence in the electoral process quite like being handed a scrap of paper to write your vote on because they ran out of ballot papers (couriermail.com.au)
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Last recorded public trumpet recording of Louis Armstrong discovered, making it an even more wonderful world for his fans (w/video) (cbsnews.com)
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For just $50,000 you can purchase a $195 million ship from the Defense Department. But there's just one catch: As soon as you buy it you have to dismantle it on US soil (couriermail.com.au)
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| (Pleasantville Patch) |
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Another grueling night for police in the Westchester suburbs: "3:58 a.m. - A dispute between neighbors was reported on Schrade Road. Police reported one neighbor was complaining the other was snoring too loud" (pleasantville.patch.com)
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Our savior Bloomberg continues to make New York City a safer place to live, with a long-overdue crackdown on the festering menace of bed-and-breakfasts and their dastardly certificate-of-occupancy errors (nytimes.com)
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TV guest star arrives late, doesn't know lines, looks disinterested, forces producers to hurriedly hire a body double. Yes... it's just another day with Lindsay Lohan on the set of Glee (dailymail.co.uk)
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Boston Herald notes that mobile apps, like the one for FARK, "has an astonishing ability to drive traffic to a website" (5th section) (bostonherald.com)
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| (Some Wreck) |
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Photoshop theme: Bigger isn't always better (pdnphotooftheday.com)
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We're not saying the lottery is rigged, but one convenience store in Phoenix sold six winning tickets this week, each worth 1-million dollars. "This is definitely a unique situation" (azfamily.com)
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Analyst predicts the cult of Steve Jobs will decline now that he's dead. Apparently he's never heard of Jesus (cnn.com)
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The duck is NOT crazy. The guy who uses it as an umbrella? He's quackers (express.co.uk)
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One accordion might sound lame. But four accordionists playing old Italian tunes sounds amazing -- or so thinks the subby. For your listening pleasure: I quattro fisarmonicisti di Montenerodomo, Abruzzo. Jump to the 6:40 mark for the best tune (youtube.com)
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2013 Ford Mustang 5.8-liter, 662 horsepower engine named world's most powerful production V-8. Idle consumer interest suddenly revs up (content.usatoday.com)
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| (www.news- press.com) |
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"Walmart has its greeters, we have our cats". A heart-warming story of a tiny island community coming together to help homeless felines, just in time for Caturday (news-press.com)
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| (kmvt) |
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Bakersfield, California named as the city with the worst air quality in the nation. However, if you're stuck in Bakersfield the poor air quality is probably the least of your annoyances (kmvt.com)
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Bullied children are more prone to self-harm, says new study from the Stop Hitting Yourself Institute (bbc.co.uk)
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If you get caught secretly filming your hot neighbor in the bathroom, own up to your actions. Don't blame it on an imaginary nephew named Aaron (azcentral.com)
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Mother of the Year candidate has seventh child taken away by health services, admits to using cocaine, marijuana and alcohol every day during latest pregnancy (w/pics) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Blind Chinese prisoner Chen Guangcheng escapes house arrest, apparently going unnoticed by pulling fire alarm while his captors ran in circles (cnn.com)
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KFC's Twister Wrap contains a secret blend of 12 herbs and spices, one of which will paralyze you for life (bbc.co.uk)
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You're the founder of the "It Gets Better" campaign and delivering an anti-bullying speech. Do you: C) call the Christian teens in attendance "pansy asses" and mock them for walking out of your tirade? (radio.foxnews.com)
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Dangerous terrorist breaches security at New Jersey airport. Terminal shut down for over an hour. Suspect last seen sucking on a pacifier and napping (hosted.ap.org)
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Teacher arrested after losing his iPad in a Wal-Mart. Apparently, the iPad had all his videos of 8th grade girls changing in the locker room (clickorlando.com)
|
| (Multichannel News) |
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Problem: Your network's ratings are down because so many people stream your shows on Netflix. Solution: Pull your best shows from Netflix (multichannel.com)
|
Fri April 27, 2012
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This doesn't get weird; it starts weird, and gets weirder (wired.com)
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A new "Kick Ass" movie? That's...err, kick ass (ifc.com)
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The US is quietly positioning a lot of stealth aircraft near Iran. October surprise anyone? (wired.com)
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You lookin' at me crooked? Must be the Mugshot Roundup (thesmokinggun.com)
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Disney adapting Neil Gaiman's The Graveyard Book (deadline.com)
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Would-be vending machine thieves, who've simultaneously watched too much and not enough CSI, torch building to destroy evidence of their failed burglary, then call 911 to report the fire (nj.com)
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New subatomic particle discovered at CERN made up of a combination of quarks that only exist for a fraction of a second before divorcing. Particle tentatively named "The Kardash-ion" (sciencedaily.com)
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Defective sippy cups recalled by Target after kids discover they're pokey cups. (PIC) (wfaa.com)
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Rolling Stone updates its Top 500 albums list, succeeds in remaining irrelevant to people who actually enjoy music (chicagotribune.com)
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Best Korean parade honoring country's founder is visible from space (dailymail.co.uk)
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Prison officials propose law to label masturbating inmates as sex offenders, opponents say either way it would be tossed (courant.com)
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Problem: Scientific research firm says your company's to blame for bees dying. Solution: Buy the firm (consumerist.com)
|
| (Tech Radar) |
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Tech Radar thanks FARK for the unique ability to watch multiple episodes of Star Trek at once (8th section) (techradar.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this colourful chap (i.pics.livejournal.com)
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Obiwan Kenobi arrested for hit and run, claims he is not the driver they are looking for (news10.net)
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Paramedics: Boasting on Facebook you saved the life of a young woman is good. Boasting that you managed to cop a feel while doing so is bad (dailymail.co.uk)
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Cutbacks in government spending unleash power of private sector. GDP growth slows to 2.2% (huffingtonpost.com)
|
| (Opposing Views) |
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As if we needed another reason to think the narcissistic people who didn't notice the crying kid and give him the foul ball were narcissistic (opposingviews.com)
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Subby was just hanging out at the Chelsea Piers in NYC this morning and what did he see? A 747 coming out of the sky with a Space Shuttle hitching a ride. Video for your viewing pleasure (youtube.com)
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Will Andrew Luck and Coby Fleener be reunited in Indy? Will the Seahawks continue to do their best Stretch Armstrong impression? Will Ernest Borgnine go to the Browns? NFL Draft: Rounds Two & Three (7 PM ET) (espn.go.com)
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John Boehner (R-U Mad Bro): "My God, do we have to fight about everything?" (mediaite.com)
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One heck of a first round wasn't it? While the Senators & Panthers are dusting their golf clubs off, the eight surviving teams stagger forward once more. NHL Playoffs Round Two starts tonight, Nashville vs. Phoenix 9pm (Eastern) (tsn.ca)
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Not News: Guy celebrates with his friends and Tweets out his huge accomplishment. News: ...after getting a call that he's being drafted by the Cincinnati Bengals as a first round pick. Fark: It was a prank call (wptv.com)
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Check calendar. Note that it's Friday. Clear desk. Take Fark Weird News Quiz (fark.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these drunken revellers (kirus.ru)
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Of the $200,000 in donations George Zimmerman raised from his website, he's already blown through $50,000 of it on "living expenses, rent or whatever" (latimes.com)
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I can't wait until the economy picks up so you people can find jobs and quit posting troll threads. That should be reason enough to vote Romney, no matter how you feel about our dog-eating POTUS (fark.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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My dog napped and ate all day; this dog fought off a robber and called the police (lifewithdogs.tv)
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Robert Griffin III already experiencing concussion-like symptoms (myfoxdc.com)
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| (News 95.7) |
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Canadian soldiers no longer to stand at attention (news957.com)
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Only 13% of Americans now have high cholesterol, other 87% now running on pure saturated fat (cbsnews.com)
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| (IBTimes) |
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Calm down everybody. There's no proof that Egyptians are actually considering a law to allow husbands to engage in necrophilia with their dead wives in order to raise an army of zombie concubines (ibtimes.com)
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Hyman Strachman, an 92 year old World War II veteran, is one of the United States most prolific movie pirates, sending free copies of recent new release movies to our troops overseas (nytimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 50 most perfectly timed animal photos you will see all day (bonus: not a slideshow) (boredpanda.com)
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Astronomers find first planet in the sweet spot of the habitable zone, capable of supporting intelligent life (telegraph.co.uk)
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Mark your calendars, here are 33 of this summer's most anticipated science fiction and fantasy movies. Warning: minor spoilers ahead (io9.com)
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Just in case you were losing sleep over the thought, Michelle Obama says she won't run for president (weeklystandard.com)
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Fark-ready headline: "Star Trek role-players' privates sniffed by alien invader" (theregister.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man earns dubious reputation as fastest lover in Illinois (myfoxchicago.com)
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Twenty years after the Rodney King riots, Battlestar Galactica's Bill Adama chimes on racial relations in LA, destroying those frackin toasters (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Back in the day, a stoned projectionist could allow a film to get jammed and melt in front of the bulb. Nowadays, he can accidentally delete an entire film, even if it's at a vital press screening of "The Avengers" (slate.com)
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Unlock the secrets of the brain using just light - the breakthrough science of Optogenetics (humansinvent.com)
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Once, we as a society respected great leaders and thinkers like Thomas Edison, Marie Curie, Teddy Roosevelt, and Margaret Thatcher. Now, we glorify Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber. What happened? (slate.com)
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What do a bikini, a Domino's pizza, Mountain Dew pajamas, a baseball glove, and Pokémon trading cards have in common? Play TSG's 'match the shoplifter with the item they attempted to steal' and find out (thesmokinggun.com)
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In the wake of the Secret Service prostitute scandal, Colombia has plenty of laughs mocking the US for the incident. That is, of course, until a US airline advertisement associates Colombia with prostitution. Now it's not funny anymore (bbc.co.uk)
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Feed me a stray cat (businessweek.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Wondering why that cute video you posted of your kid dancing in a diaper is getting so many views on Youtube? It's been added to a kiddie porn site (1035superx.com)
|
| (Some crafty brewer) |
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MIT researchers invent new water-repellent "super glass". Which is why American light beers will no longer be available in bottles (ibtimes.com)
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Men charged with stealing thousands of dollars worth of printer ink. Police say both cartridges were successfully recovered (sltrib.com)
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How Samuel L. Jackson became his own muthafarkin' genre (nytimes.com)
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Nintendo's beloved adorable mascot celebrates its 20th anniversary. No, not that guy. Or that one. Buzz. Not that one either. Nope. Next guess. Wrong. Really, HIM? (wired.com)
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Had Hitler tried to escape Germany at the end of WWII, British intelligence feared he might disguise himself as Jeffrey Tambor (iheartchaos.com)
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How meaningless is the final week of the NBA regular season? Golden State Warriors become the first NBA team in modern history to start five rookies in one game (sfgate.com)
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Hot teacher wants to be fruitful and multiply, forgoes the bang-a-student route and instead pursues IVF with her husband. Ends up fired by her Catholic employer. Bonus points: still hot. Lightning round: suing the diocese. (tag for the employer) (cnn.com)
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Pep Guardiola does not handle defeat well, takes his ball and goes home after failing to win a major trophy for the first time in his managerial career (soccernet.espn.go.com)
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Not news: Government deporting illegals. News: The government is Pakistan and the illegals are Osama bin Laden's three widows and his two teenage daughters (cnn.com)
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US, Japan Reach Agreement to Move 9,000 Marines. Defense of Okinawa will now be done by Mr. Miyagi's rival Mr. Sato, and his nephew Chozen (voanews.com)
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Two words: Jumbo shrimp (dailymail.co.uk)
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Amazon's unexpected huge earnings rekindle investor interest (reuters.com)
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The Swedes have not kept very tight controls over their plutonium, even selling it to a wild-haired scientist for some spare pinball machine parts (thelocal.se)
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Did you mean Fork? No, stupid brain. Wake up or I'm drowning you in paint thinner (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Pass a law that protects some corporations by forcing their competition to charge 35% more and delay orders by customers? Why would anyone have a problem with that? (weeklystandard.com)
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