Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Cracked presents the Cliffs Notes version of Drew's book for free: Six ways the media disguises BS as fact  (cracked.com)	(9)

		Pregnacy is the fountain of youth. Raising the little tykes, however, is the fountain of old  (jpost.com)	(16)
		Scientists give up that whole curing cancer thing to tackle a more pressing question: Why is Miley Cyrus so damn popular?  (scientificamerican.com)	(29)
		Not news: Health insurance premiums will still rise under Obama plan  (google.com)	(288)
		Guy drinks shot of morphine to celebrate his clean drug test, with predictable results  (tampabay.com)	(99)
		French president Sarkozy is now married to the Cloverfield monster  (abcnews.go.com)	(52)
		Obama's bracket has been revealed. Duke sucks and apparently the President thinks so as well  (games.espn.go.com)	(74)
(Some American)		9/11 Solved. Any questions?  (911disclosure.blogspot.com)	(574)
		The United States Army has changed how they train soldiers for the first time in over 30 years. Apparently, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare doesn't prepare you to carry 60 pounds of gear in the desert  (aolnews.com)	(185)
		Most people get used to their phones and can text on them pretty quickly. Then there's this guy  (youtube.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)		"Only in recent years has St. Patrick's Day become the alcohol-infused Celtic festival celebrated around the world with music, parades, leaping leprechauns and public mischief..."  (vancouversun.com)	(226)
		Liberal CNN's latest hire? A man who called a left-leaning Supreme Court justice a "goat f*cking child molester"  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(101)
(Some Gandolf)		Ian McKellen says The Hobbit will begin its overproduced and boring filming in June. Still nothing about the Magneto prequel, I see  (digitalspy.com)	(109)
		The most elegant musical expression of the Irish experience ever  (youtube.com)	(12)
		Taylor Lautner found to have a previously unknown twin brother  (huffingtonpost.com)	(25)

(OC Register)		11-year-old boy files claim asking for $500,000 after he trips and burns his foot on beach fire pit. Apparently he was unable to read the DANGER HOT COALS sign or comprehend what a fire pit might contain  (ocregister.com)	(127)
(The Faster Times)		Hollywood is out of ideas, but the French are adapting Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood, so that's pretty cool  (thefastertimes.com)	(40)
		Obama promises that health care reform will cause premiums to fall 3,000%  (cleveland.com)	(222)
(Suburban Chicago News)		NTSB says 2008 helicopter crash that killed 4 in Aurora, IL was caused by "inadequate preflight planning", which apparently should have included "try to miss that huge radio tower"  (suburbanchicagonews.com)	(72)
		Mickey Rourke quits the new Conan movie. Tilda Swinton preparing for her audition  (contactmusic.com)	(54)
		A bug or a feature? President Obama tells House Democrats he won't campaign for them if they vote "no" on health care  (telegraph.co.uk)	(175)
(Satellite News)		Shout Factory announces its new MST3K DVD box set. Featured movies include Lost Continent, Crash of the Moons, The Beast of Yucca Flats, and Jack Frost. It's not world peace, but it's pretty damn close  (mst3kinfo.com)	(87)
		Nothing in your high school civics class prepared you for the "hereby rule," the arcane legislative trickery House Democrats will use to pass health care reform without really passing it  (online.wsj.com)	(517)
		Martin Scorsese has added Ben Kingsley and Sacha Baron Cohen to his adaptation of The Invention of Hugo Cabret. Damn, that thing might be pretty good  (slashfilm.com)	(20)
(Some Guy)		Ring ring ring, bananas prevent HIV infection  (mnn.com)	(116)
		The government's use of legal exemptions to keep records secret rose during President Barack Obama's first year in office. Most.secretive.administration.ever  (abcnews.go.com)	(118)
		Thanks to the crystal-clear sound of its PA system, the Port Authority will always have the citizens of Brooklyn prepared in the event of a zzb frzzkd sxpldts  (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com)	(47)
		Absurdly Premature 2012 Watch, Vol. 11: Why We Want Petraeus to Run for President  (blog.newsweek.com)	(90)
		To Americans who don't fully grasp how popular Tim Hortons is in Canada, this pretty much sums it up  (torontosun.com)	(216)

(Some Counterfeit Clergy)		Photoshop these pretend popes  (bigpicture.ru)	(37)
		Three things you didn't know about Supreme Court Justice Stevens: he witnessed Babe Ruth's called shot, enlisted the day before Pearl Harbor, and a Chicago hotel still bears his family initial  (newyorker.com)	(58)
		GA Supreme court upholds portion of Sex Offender registration with this logic "it is of no consequence whether or not one has committed an offense that is 'sexual' in nature before being required to register,"  (ajc.com)	(122)
(Above the Law)		So not only is the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas a teabagger, one of the Court's decisions last month allowed her PAC to flood itself with corporate donor cash  (abovethelaw.com)	(85)
(Middle East Online)		With the removal of Saddam Hussein, Iraqi women have lost their western-style rights and been placed under oppressive religious rule. Mission Accomplished  (middle-east-online.com)	(217)
		Revisiting the Yugo, the car made by drunken communists that came pre-rusted for your convenience  (npr.org)	(231)
		It's beginning to look like Mike Leach was swiftboated by Craig James for not playing his precious snowflake more  (sportsbybrooks.com)	(77)
		Florida vampire who claims to be the direct descendant of Vlad the Impaler announces his candidacy for president. Would be a refreshing change from the bloodsuckers already in Washington  (wtsp.com)	(128)
		Barclays sues to prevent more information about their $5 billion rape of Lehman Brothers from being made public. Bonus: US Office of Thrift Supervision is suing too  (business.timesonline.co.uk)	(21)
		Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez "The Internet cannot be something open where anything is said and done." and is calling for stricter controls. Looks like the Fark party in Caracas is a no go at this time  (reuters.com)	(266)

		Supreme Court rules cable companies must continue to make their programming available to satellite companies. In other news, people still use satellites instead of cable. And no, I checked, it's not 1988  (variety.com)	(99)
		Baltimore high school principal applies her entrepreneurial skills. Naturally, some people have a problem with this  (baltimoresun.com)	(29)
		Chinese fluoride pulled over fears that it may be contaminating our precious bodily fluids  (thebostonchannel.com)	(150)
		President Ditka?  (suntimes.com)	(89)
		Next time the GOP whines about reconciliation, remind them of the unprecedented manner which they passed the Medicare Prescription Drug Benefit bill: extend a 15-minute vote for 3 hours while they bribed and strong-armed dissenters  (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(126)
		Did the CIA test LSD in the New York City subway system? "The experiment was pretty shocking - shocking that the CIA and the Army would release LSD like that, among innocent unwitting folks"  (nypost.com)	(79)
		Video of a long-haired girl standing in a hallway, scaring the crap out of people who suddenly discover her presence  (liveleak.com)	(56)
(Citizen-Times)		Asheville NC's "Actionfest", 'Sundance' for action movies, will present Chuck Norris a Lifetime Achievement Award. Unknown for which of his seven lives Chuck will be accepting  (citizen-times.com)	(34)
		Adam Sandler hires Heidi Montag for his next film, which already features Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Kidman, and-- presumably-- Rob Schneider. How this thing isn't titled "Box Office Poison", subby will never know  (examiner.com)	(54)

		Geez. You go on television in Georgia, falsely report that Russian tanks have invaded Tblisi and the country's president is dead, and all hell breaks loose  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(74)
		Two minutes of footage from Robert Rodriguez's new Predator movie  (io9.com)	(97)
		Joaquin Phoenix's representative denies the star will play Edgar Allen Poe. Nevermore have fans wanted a project like this to happen  (contactmusic.com)	(14)
		Summer Glau gets yet another attempt to cement her status as the hottest show killer in the history of television. Yes, even hotter than Ted McGinley. Tag is preemptive  (io9.com)	(56)
		120,000 iPads sold on the first day of pre-ordering. Suck it, haters  (brainstormtech.blogs.fortune.cnn.com)	(243)
		Print journalists quit local paper to create a second print newspaper for town of 4,000. Will presumably branch out and create VHS store and telegraph office next  (ajc.com)	(24)

		Amanda Seyfried was embarrassed at the 2004 premiere of Mean Girls because she couldn't afford a stylist and ended up wearing an outfit which accidentally showed off her underwear. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a GIS I need to do  (contactmusic.com)	(62)
		In a blow to tentacle porn fans everywhere, pretty or not, octopuses just don't have good personalities  (newscientist.com)	(28)
		Hillary Clinton to Israel: Demonstrate that you want peace or we'll unfriend you with extreme prejudice  (washingtonpost.com)	(36)
		Glenn Beck tells viewers to boycott "churches that preach economic and social justice." Conservative evangelical preacher advises people boycott the Crying One, and challenges Beck to a debate  (cnn.com)	(376)
(Some Guy)		Skilled labor apprenticeship: 'The other 4-year degree'. Or you can just get a degree in liberal arts, acquire 100 k in student loan debt, and work at Starbucks  (thenews-messenger.com)	(103)
		Tom Hanks gives a preview of "The Pacific." If it's ¼ the mini-series "Band of Brothers" is it will be the second best thing HBO's ever done  (starpulse.com)	(156)
		A look into the life of a Comcast Customer Service Representatitve. Leave your conscience and soul at the door  (consumerist.com)	(87)
(Some Guy)		News: U.S. Supreme court to rule on federal sex offender confinement law. Fark: Scalia is the voice of reason  (dailycontributor.com)	(132)
		At the Billboard Music & Money Symposium, MTV President explains the shift in MTV's programming from all music to all money and blames Generation X for Ke$ha and Snooki  (pastemagazine.com)	(60)
(Some Librarians)		In a novel and long overdue attempt to preserve the Florida tag for future generations, Florida moves funding for public libraries from non-fiction to fiction section of the state budget  (lisnews.org)	(74)
		The polls are clear: Pass health care reform and the Democrats will be whacked this fall. "Wishing, praying or pretending will not change these outcomes"  (washingtonpost.com)	(432)
		Principal refuses to back high school students petitioning to get President Obama to speak at their graduation because he worried about student safety and parent complaints  (azcentral.com)	(65)
		"ObamaCare could well become President Obama's Iraq." Except without the happy ending  (forbes.com)	(215)

		Senate Parliamentarian rules the House must first pass the Senate health care bill - and the president must sign it into law - before reconciliation fixes to it can be considered. It's dead, Jim  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(306)
(Some Guy)		PC World presents the most disturbing YouTube videos of all time. Remember: what has been seen cannot be unseen  (pcworld.idg.com.au)	(65)
		Peak oil predicted by 2014 say Kuwaiti scientists who couldn't possibly have an ulterior motive for creating an oil panic  (physorg.com)	(72)
		Breakfast tacos represent the pinnacle of Man's domination over deliciousness  (nytimes.com)	(182)
		Fred Van Lente previews Marvel Zombies 5, in which we get to see zombies from across the Multiverse  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(23)
		Americans strongly prefer Obama to Bush. That's Americans, not "Real Americans™"  (salon.com)	(227)
		Joe Biden appreciates Israel backtracking on their deliberate insult of him  (calgaryherald.com)	(90)
		Dublin, Ireland just got a leprechaun museum? You'd think they would have been on that already  (time.com)	(54)
		Sony unveils the latest "killer app" for the PS3, the Sony "Move" a revolutionary new controller that looks, and acts, precisely like the Wii remote  (abcnews.go.com)	(163)
(Some Bunny)		Musical on the life and times of Anna Nicole Smith will premiere in 2011. Producers anticipate it will take at least nine months to find the right woman who is fat, desperate, and coked out of her mind  (digitalspy.com)	(24)

(Eating Our Words)		10 impressive-looking dishes that are deceptively easy to make. Your dog wants some coq au vin  (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(219)
		The US Supreme Court cannot afford to be seen taking the side of one corporation over another corporation  (cbsnews.com)	(323)
		Revisit the fight between Epic Beard Man and Professor Amber Lamps, now presented in classic "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out" style  (examiner.com)	(29)
		Some day, WND will be a dominant voice in this nation's media, rather than one of the few truly independent alternatives and the only one sworn to uphold the central role of a free press in a free society and post photos of Bigfoot on ice  (wnd.com)	(95)
		Civilization V preview: small changes, big differences, still awesome  (kotaku.com)	(169)
		That unusually brusque press release issued by the L.A. Clippers upon firing Mike Dunleavy was meant to "comfort unhappy fans." Bonus - writer actually uses the term "Clipper Nation"  (sports.espn.go.com)	(15)
		HHS Sec. Kathleen Sebelius addressing the health insurance companies summit : "Maybe you should use these millions you're spending on attack ads fighting reform on lowering people's premiums instead?"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(195)
		Why is Obama floundering on health care like a cat that can't swim? Maybe because he "wants to seriously expand the role of government at a moment when skepticism of government is widespread"  (washingtonpost.com)	(70)
		For no reason whatsoever, here's Marilyn Manson singing about the food pyramid, from the oft unappreciated and gone too soon Clone High  (youtube.com)	(13)
		Supreme Court to decide whether citizens have a right to "informational privacy" when applying for government positions, potentially opening the door to genetic screening and applicant's porn habits  (wired.com)	(69)
		Study finds obesity and depression to be a vicious circle. Circular, like a doughnut right?  (news.yahoo.com)	(70)
		New theme park opening for people with special needs. Cartman already preparing with a rock montage  (abcnews.go.com)	(50)
		Today's group expressing great disappointment that Obama hasn't lived up to the hype is... *rolls dice* ... atheists  (examiner.com)	(132)
		Tasmanian devil is immune to cancer, still susceptible to its natural predator...the American snark bunny  (news.yahoo.com)	(23)
		The coolest animated video made using actual footage as a base you'll see in... pretty much ever  (youtube.com)	(59)

(Some Guy)		This list of 10 movies that were better than the books is...pretty accurate actually  (premiere.com)	(295)
		Headline: "Spring Music Preview: Get the Lowdown on the Season's 40 Big Albums" First album: Justin Bieber. I'd call Rolling Stone a bunch of whores, but their readers will get grounded for using that language  (rollingstone.com)	(26)
(Some Heathen)		Glenn Beck warns followers to avoid church if they preach about "social justice"  (politicsdaily.com)	(225)
		Get ready for the "Twilight" version of the King Arthur legend, as Sylvain White is preparing to do a sort of King Arthur: the early years, movie  (chud.com)	(33)
(Some Mad Bassist)		In a desperate bid to get some attendance at his forthcoming show, Peter Hook reveals he will show previously unseen Joy Division footage. Any true New Order and Joy Division fan would tell him to f*ck off, the egotistical bastard  (nme.com)	(11)
		Ars Technica asks readers to turn off ad-block on its website to help save the site. On that note, if Farkers out there don't mind turning off adblock for Fark we'd sure appreciate it too -Drew (link fixed)  (arstechnica.com)	(705)
		"American tradition of zealous representation of unpopular clients is at least as old as John Adams' representation of the British soldiers charged in the Boston Massacre"  (washingtonpost.com)	(91)
		Brooke Shields says fame is "like a drug." She must be getting desperate for a fix, though, as she's suffering post-partum depression from her career  (contactmusic.com)	(57)
		Senate preparing to donate another $66 billion to its slacker bailout fund. Get your Mountain Dew and Cheetos now before it's too late  (news.yahoo.com)	(380)
		"But while Gore prays for redemption, the pews in the Church of Climate Catastrophe are gradually emptying. The public's skeptical common sense, it turns out, is pretty robust. Just like those Himalayan glaciers"  (boston.com)	(634)
		Prediction: Obama will ultimately win over Americans on health care. Stupid liberal FOX News reporters. Wait, what?  (foxnews.com)	(207)
		UConn women win record 71st consecutive game. All three women's basketball fans suitably impressed  (courant.com)	(54)
		Former Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY) accomplished little in his year-plus in Congress, sexually harassed a male staffer and was pressured to resign. So, naturally, Beck and Limbaugh consider him a hero  (politico.com)	(45)

		Fred Phelps vs Marine Corps Dad: Coming soon to a Supreme Court near you  (abcnews.go.com)	(272)
		Headline: Women-owned aerospace business opens. Article: Sue (no aerospace experience) and Carrie (physical therapist) are backed by their hubbies with 49 years in aerospace and are seeking gov't contracts that prefer women owned businesses  (azcentral.com)	(87)
		Robert Pattinson: "I took my mother to the 'Twilight' premiere and squirmed through the first ten minutes. But in the end I couldn't bear it, so I had to leave and went out and sat in the car."  (contactmusic.com)	(54)
		President Obama doesn't seem to have any close friends among foreign leaders. He does have a girlfriend who's a model in Canada, but you wouldn't know her  (americanthinker.com)	(121)
(The Daily Beast)		The health care bill is a mess. Kill it. Oh, and make Warren Buffet president or emperor or first citizen  (thedailybeast.com)	(150)
		Oklahoma conservatives are a little apprehensive about giving the government power over their relationships  (news.yahoo.com)	(155)
		Al Qaida calls on US muslims to attack America seeing as how they're a little too busy dodging predator strikes and military raids to do it themselves  (aolnews.com)	(294)

		Happy 30th birthday to the hottest redhead/blonde of subby's youth, Laura Prepon (Donna from That '70s Show)  (en.wikipedia.org)	(75)
		Season 10 DWTS partner promo pics are hot off the presses. Plunging necklines, revealing slits and bare midriffs - a winning combination for sure  (bittenandbound.com)	(24)
		Can Junior make it back to victory lane? Will Jimmie win (yawn) another one? Is Harvick a contender or a pretender? Find out today in the Kobalt Tools 500 at the Atlanta Motor Speedway  (sports.yahoo.com)	(487)
		Best WWII occupation of Ukraine represented in sand you'll see this week  (youtube.com)	(40)
		How is our Predator program in Afghanistan and Pakistan like a Meatloaf hit song?  (rawstory.com)	(229)

		Two dead after small plane traveling from Indianapolis to Pennsylvania crashes in Ohio, presumably when the plane figured out that it was flying to Pennsylvania  (indystar.com)	(47)
		David Axelrod, Obama's unofficial Director of the Socialist Communist Takeover, spills all on why Obama's presidency has failed so quickly  (nytimes.com)	(71)
		You're totally in dude. You just gave her the coolest and most unique present she's ever seen. Or so you thought  (telegraph.co.uk)	(33)
(Pajiba)		From a review of Alice in Wonderland: "Pretty on the outside, but soulless on the inside. Like Ann Coulter, if Ann Coulter was pretty on the outside."  (pajiba.com)	(46)
		Catholic preschool bars re-enrollment of child with two mommies. (Sadly, no pics of what two mommies might look like)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(287)
		Mitt Romney thinks Sarah Palin is qualified to be President, which makes me wonder if Mitt Romney is qualified to be President  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(189)
		A trillion here, a trillion there, and pretty soon we're talking about real money  (thehill.com)	(112)
		In Detroit, 44% of all adults and 100% of school board presidents read and write below 6th-grade level  (detnews.com)	(94)

		Gorgeous MILF Jenna Elfman welcomed a second son this week after a pregnancy that went on forever  (bittenandbound.com)	(51)
		News: The Catholic Church's child abuse scandal spreads to Germany, including to the Regensberg choir. Fark: The Pope's brother led the choir for 30 years  (nytimes.com)	(51)
(Some Guy)		FFXIII On 360 "Isn't anywhere near as impressive" as PS3 version  (eurogamer.net)	(238)
		Nancy Pelosi says there's no link between nice, fat, juicy earmarks immediately following nice, fat, juicy campaign contributions. Next up: Debunking the link between sex and pregnancy  (reason.com)	(85)
		Fox picked up Sam Raimi's "The Shadow" project, so expect it to now be about a jive-talking groundhog who solves crimes by predicting the weather  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(36)
		Gogo Yubari released her first CD in Japan this week, which is impressive considering the condition Beatrix Kiddo left her in  (kotaku.com)	(30)
		FCC official says he doesn't know what broadband means, but he's pretty sure it's faster than dialup  (computerworld.com)	(42)
(Some Lola)		There will be a "new" Kinks release this year, and it will feature previously unreleased songs, according to the Kinks' longtime drummer, Mick Avory  (spinner.com)	(23)
		Neil Patrick Harris to star in Avatar prequel  (eonline.com)	(49)

(Some Guy)		Karl Rove contends President Bush didn't knowingly mislead the nation into the Iraq war  (motherjones.com)	(202)
		Disease-spreading mosquitos can be controlled by: a) whapping at them furiously b) spraying dangerous chemicals, or c) not letting them pee  (labspaces.net)	(26)
(Some Guy)		Man goes to preserve in hopes of catching a glimpse of rare falcon. Instead gets rare glimpse of eagle attacking an adult deer. With awesome pics  (chicagowildlifenews.com)	(92)
(Some Apocalpyse Guy)		Acceptable end-of-the-world preparation: Building bunkers, stockpiling food, medicine & guns. Unacceptable end-of-the-world preparation: Impregnating three of your daughters  (northjersey.com)	(191)
		Ocean erodes barrier island. State environmental official says, "There needs to be a comprehensive focus on what is causing this"  (boston.com)	(144)
		"How the LA Clippers Made Me a Better Hindu." Presumably after a lifetime of suffering, he'll come back as a Lakers fan  (huffingtonpost.com)	(21)
(Washington Examiner)		President Obama, meet Senator Obama on reconciliation: "Under the rules, the reconciliation process does not permit that debate. Reconciliation is therefore the wrong place for policy changes"  (washingtonexaminer.com)	(274)

		News: Political document found declares Republican donors as ego-maniacs who respond to fear. Fark: It's an RNC fundraiser presentation  (politico.com)	(203)
		What your children will learn in history class: "Single-term President Barack Obama sacrificed his second term to push Health Care through Congress for the benefit of the American people"  (reuters.com)	(392)
		GOP lawmaker wants Reagan to replace Grant on the US $50 bill, because Reagan is the greatest president ever and all Grant did was WIN THE FARKING CIVIL WAR  (foxnews.com)	(579)
		Michael Vick would prefer to play for the Panthers because he....likes their uniforms  (sports.yahoo.com)	(42)
		Despite its long-held belief that it is inappropriate to blame free-market economic policy for our current recession, the Wall Street Journal feels pretty comfortable declaring that Milton Friedman saved Chile on Saturday  (online.wsj.com)	(50)
		Female dung beetles evolved elaborate horns so they'd win fights over precious, grade-A, top-quality poo  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(20)
		Muse has one of their songs removed from the upcoming Twilight soundtrack after the company realized the two preceeding soundtracks had the same songs with different titles  (contactmusic.com)	(18)
		Viacom kicks Hulu in the yoo-hoos, pulls "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report", the two most watched shows on Hulu, off the site  (news.yahoo.com)	(106)
		Man who predicted 40 inch snowfall for March 7th in interview: "I'm some kinda a kook, you know..."  (nbcphiladelphia.com)	(64)
		"Married couples enjoy their best sex, romantic meals and nights out with friends after two years and four months." That's understandable; their friends are probably looking pretty good by then  (upi.com)	(206)
(Some Guy)		Thanks to the US losing to Canada in Olympic Hockey, Obama is sending Canada's prime minister a case of Molson beer, and White House press secretary Robert Gibbs will wear a Canadian jersey during his daily on-camera briefing  (vancouversun.com)	(83)
		If you happen to know where Naomi Campbell is, the NYC police would appreciate hearing from you after she went all "Naomi Campbell" on her limo driver  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(37)

		Roger Ebert gives his first interview (via laptop text-to-speech) since losing his lower jaw to cancer. Prepare to cry, and be inspired. [video clips]  (gawker.com)	(107)
		`Precious' in 3-D? "That's not a moon..."  (abcnews.go.com)	(41)
		Jessica Simpson says she doesn't want the world to know about her sex life three weeks after John Mayer pretty much told the world about her sex life  (starpulse.com)	(29)
		BBC presenter dies in extreme wanking accident  (telegraph.co.uk)	(235)
(Last Starfighter)		Do alien ships really drop gold and jewels at you when they asplode? Probably not. But this game's pretty fun all the same  (awfulgames.com)	(21)
		Supreme Court considers overturning the handgun ban that has given Chicago 30 years of nothing but peace and tranquility  (abcnews.go.com)	(868)
		Rapper Guru makes the news by falling into a coma, prompting white hipsters everywhere to pretend they knew who he was all along  (guardian.co.uk)	(50)
		In case you missed it, today was Saviours Day 2010, a day where Nation of Islam Minister Louis Farrakhan is honored. He spent much of his speech giving advice to President Obama and recalling his 1985 ride aboard a UFO. Good times, good times  (google.com)	(119)

		What do you get when you combine Robin Williams, Stewie Griffin, and a preprogrammed urge to find Sarah Connor?  (gizmodo.com)	(22)
(NBC Sports)		Pitcher predicts his control will improve as a result of his toe exploding in a mess of blood and pus  (hardballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(51)
		President Obama to visit Savannah on Tuesday to talk up the benefits of his economic stimulus plan to local residents who for some reason have enough free time to come out and see him in the middle of the day  (washingtonpost.com)	(86)
		"For advice on confessing, press one. To confess, press two. To listen to some confessions, press three."  (news.yahoo.com)	(58)
		Who's to blame for a scumbag like John Edwards becoming a political player? Pundits point to the press for crappy vetting, while the press blames candidate staff for lying and covering up a douchebag  (dyn.politico.com)	(39)
		Breakthroughs in understanding water molecules' tetrahedral structure, hydrophobicity, and solubility of protein folding and degradation. Umm...I read water in there, so presumably this affects beer in some way  (sciencedaily.com)	(28)
		While crime tends to show an initial decrease during periods of heavy snowfall, local precincts must be prepared for mobile home snow shovel hillbilly second-degree assault rebounds  (myfoxdc.com)	(28)
		Why Teddy Roosevelt was the most badass president ever: "Death had to take him sleeping, for if Roosevelt had been awake there would have been a fight."  (cracked.com)	(86)
		The takeover of Hollywood by smug, sneering liberals hellbent on preaching moral depravity to our children can be traced back to one pivotal, earth-shattering event: The cancellation of "Murder She Wrote"  (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(130)
		UNC's Roy Williams nearly passes out late in game against Wake Forest, presumably after realizing his team was actually going to win  (rivals.yahoo.com)	(26)
		Former Rep. J.D. Hayworth, who's challenging John McCain in Arizona, says he was never a birther and said President Obama wasn't born in the US on his radio show, "to provoke conversation."  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(44)
		Preventing health care reform due to abortion language is like letting a forest burn down for the sake of a bag of acorns  (suntimes.com)	(168)
		Runway at JFK airport to close for four months, causing travel delays around the country. Airlines prepare to charge $25 "change runway" fee  (cnn.com)	(24)
		Russian President Dmitry Medvedev demands sports officials resign after Olympic performance, commences Operation Drago  (sports.espn.go.com)	(91)
		Just a tip, Mr. President: Poker? Probably not your game (with video)  (newsbusters.org)	(183)
(Some Jailbreakers)		According to a survey conducted by Planet Rocks, the best live album ever released belongs to Thin Lizzy. And, with the exception of UFO and KISS, the top ten list is pretty damned good  (music-news.com)	(198)

		Ferris was in Cameron's mind; And 5 other pretty cool theories  (cracked.com)	(227)
		Today's previously life-saving substance that now kills you is (rolls dice) aspirin  (online.wsj.com)	(27)
(The Citizen)		My blood pressure is sky high, my heart's going like crazy, but I'm OK, the dog's OK, and I saved the hot rod and Harley"  (thecitizenonline.com)	(45)
		President Obama prepares for 2012 election by appointing his chief campaign fundraiser as new White House Social Secretary. You gotta admit - the man is efficient  (politico.com)	(40)
(Big Journalism)		Everyone expects journalists to be mouthpieces for the Democratic Party, but reprinting a Democratic Congresman's press release word for word and putting your own name on it is going too far  (bigjournalism.com)	(44)
		The economy grew more than previously thought at the end of 2009. Still has nothing to do with Obama  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(125)
		Peratech, a British material-design company, recently made a deal with MIT to create pressure-sensitive, electronically responsive "skin" for robots. Cyberdyne Systems has already filed suit in US Patent Court  (io9.com)	(15)
		Hollywood's most prestigious trade paper dumps negative review of some movie you've never heard of, but whose producers paid them $400,000 for less variety than that  (chud.com)	(6)
		Finally, the music of Nirvana presented the way Kurt Cobain always intended it: on ice  (examiner.com)	(19)
		Listen to the background chatter cease and the room fall silent after President Obama asks health care summit attendees to consider what life is like for Americans who are not rich politicians (video)  (videocafe.crooksandliars.com)	(462)
		Photoshop this salt spreader  (inapcache.boston.com)	(25)

(Montgomery News)		Amateur weather forecaster from Exeter Township, PA, who has successfully predicted the last two major winter storms in the Northeast, says Eastern seaboard is going to get 40 inches of snow on March 7th  (montgomerynews.com)	(124)
		Unemployment above 10% and presidential approval in the 30s: a portrait of our failure of a one-term President  (dailykos.com)	(163)
		You can now buy a customized Wolverine themed TV. What's next a Sub-Mariner speed boat? Dr. Doom pumpkin bombs? A Stark Industries arc reactor pacemaker that makes your chest glow? OK, that one sounds pretty cool  (io9.com)	(68)
		Nanny-state institutes compulsory sex education, soon to be followed by compulsory teen pregnancy  (dailymail.co.uk)	(142)
		AP fact checks heath care summit exchange between President Obama and Sen. Lemar Alexander (R-TN), once again proving that the facts have a liberal bias  (hosted.ap.org)	(157)
		63% of Americans think that reality television shows have gotten worse over the past decade. The rest of us realize they pretty much sucked when they started  (news.yahoo.com)	(48)
		Bush says he won't be an annoying ex-president to President Obama like a certain one was to him. Yes, he's looking at you Mr. Habitat for Hamas    (breitbart.com)	(110)
(We're naughty daily)		Parents angry at High School that forced students to take a sex survey and reported the results in the school paper. Bonus: School paper is the "Cougar Press". Giggity  (wnd.com)	(59)
		Not news: Hearing, "Spare change, guv'nor?" Fark: Having it as the Tory election slogan. Extra-farklicious: The Lib Dems pretending they have a chance in the elections  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(12)
(Mother Jones)		Birther, Truther, Tea Partier, Oath Keeper, freeper, Christian, and Fark Independent® named "Pray" prepares for the day "Hitlery" Clinton or Barack Hussein "Osama" declare martial law, unmask as lizzard people  (motherjones.com)	(188)
		Not News: Snow predicted. News: People panic, run to the store for bread and milk. Fark: Smart people stock up on cat food and kitty litter as we prepare for yet another snowy Caturday  (washingtonpost.com)	(720)

		French animal welfare group calls for special road crossings for Frogs, presumably because they find it very difficult to get across with no legs  (telegraph.co.uk)	(60)
		60% of Americans prefer socialism  (cnn.com)	(622)
		Fire at New Hampshire hotel spreads to entire block. That means like, half the state is on fire right?  (abc6.com)	(98)
		Badly in need of some good press, John Mayer invites 11 year old on stage in Philly to play a song with him  (new.music.yahoo.com)	(36)

		Harry Reid accurately states that "no one has talked about reconciliation". You know, except for the Senate, the House, the President, all major political pundits and the entire bozosphere of the Fark politics page  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(149)
		Spoiled NYC parents hire high-priced occupational therapists to train their precious snowflakes to hold a pencil or wield scissors  (nytimes.com)	(186)
(Alertnet)		Scientist believe more science ($$$) is needed to determine why previous scientific evidence was wrong about the settled science of Global Warming. Science  (alertnet.org)	(310)
		Obama's idea to control health insurance premiums he thinks are too high will work as well as price controls did when Richard Nixon tried them back in the 1970s  (reason.com)	(56)
		Democrats need to stop whining about GOP filibuster threats. "Besides, has a filibuster ever prevented eventual enactment of anything significant that an American majority has desired, strongly and protractedly?"  (nypost.com)	(92)
		Conceding that today's health care summit will be as predictable as kabuki theater, Democrats work on strategy for the real negotiations to follow behind the scenes  (washingtonpost.com)	(186)
		The president of the company is named Toyoda, but their product, which is named after the family, is called Toyota. Why? Here comes the Japanese science  (washingtonpost.com)	(55)
(Some Guy)		Republicans claim nuclear option "unprecedented" in health care legislation, except for, y'know, 1982, 1986, 1987, 1989, 1990, 1993, 1996, 1997, and 2005. Other than that, totally unprecedented  (americablog.com)	(143)

		"Ontario Farmers Embrace Water Buffalo." New Zealand shepherds also thank them for taking off the pressure for a while  (thestar.com)	(37)
		Autism signs appear in babies' first year, but parents don't notice, prefer to blame vaccines  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(142)
		Remember when Obama suspended his presidential campaign to address the banking crisis? That was awesome  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(140)
		No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women, no roids, no sin, no choking, no wonder the press is bored with A-Rod  (nydailynews.com)	(38)
		Mike Patton: "Nothing's doing it, Im not going to blame anybody... I go in the record store and look for like 2 hours and usually just end up going to the soundtrack section... It's pretty sad"  (youtube.com)	(94)
		Carrie Prejean was a poser: Miss Beverly Hills says that gays should be executed  (news.com.au)	(486)
		MTV Prez: Generation Y is less cynical, more civic-minded than Generation X, citing "Jersey Shore" as an example  (thrfeed.com)	(85)
		The Criterion Collection comes to Hulu. It's not the Pauly Shore Collection, but it's still pretty damn good  (gizmodo.com)	(71)
		Study shows that a little prick may help with depression from pregnancy, also may be cause of the symptom  (reuters.com)	(61)
		2/3 of Americans think that the Republicans in Congress are not doing enough to cooperate with President Obama, according to an new national poll that was obviously produced by the liberal, Obama-loving media  (cnn.com)	(236)
		Leaked Israeli intelligence report shows that one of its most valuable informants over the past decade, who prevented dozens of terror attacks, was the son of Hamas' founder  (news.yahoo.com)	(62)
		Presenting the winner of the "coolest wii-mote accesory of the year" award  (gizmodo.com)	(43)
		Toyota Motor Corp. President Akio Toyoda says Toyota moved too fast, chased waterfalls instead of sticking with the rivers and the lakes that it's used to  (upi.com)	(26)
(Some Guy)		400 million years ago mushrooms were 20-feet tall. If only Jerry Garcia was alive today to appreciate this news  (mnn.com)	(38)

(Some Guy)		Australia declares "permanent terror threat," will introduce face scans and fingerprints to prevent any criminals or convicts from entering the country  (timescolonist.com)	(158)
		Holographic drumkit and turntable. Prepare to be amazed and creeped out at the same time  (liveleak.com)	(35)
		Tiger Woods apologizes at pre-school. "Sometimes, when a man loves a woman, and she has fantastic cans, an ass you could carry books on, and a special area blessed by Jesus, boo-boos can happen"  (sports.yahoo.com)	(109)
		Wall Street bonuses are the only thing even close to keeping pace with health insurance premiums  (marketwatch.com)	(41)
		Canadian premier defends decision to flee to the US for open-heart surgery: "Suck it, plebes"  (google.com)	(215)
		Ovechkin on the US men's win over Canada: "I was not surprised, I knew it would be a pretty hard game for Canada. They have probably the same style of game." and don't even get him started on that douche Crosby  (nhl.com)	(191)
(PopMatters)		"Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura" presents a world divided into elites and Joe Sixpacks, where the hidden masters of the universe plot against you and me  (popmatters.com)	(90)
		$175 and a cockatoo will get you A) two pre-schoolers B) 15 months hard labor C) your daily dose of WTF D) all of the above  (abcnews.go.com)	(69)
		Senator James Inhofe (R-OK) asked the DOJ to investigate what he called "the greatest scientific scandal of our generation". Bonus: also asked former Vice President Al Gore to be called back to the Senate to testify  (pajamasmedia.com)	(787)
		Ayatollah Khomeini throws his support to the anti-government protestors, futher destabilizing the repressive government. No, this isn't a repeat of 1979, but it's beginning to feel like it  (abcnews.go.com)	(80)
		Elvis Presley has left the building and has been cleared to fly through an automated passport scanning system. Meanwhile, 3 year olds still get searched by airport security because they have the same name as terrorists  (cnn.com)	(57)
		Discussion thread for Champions League, Premier League, FA Cup, how incredibly boring Manchester City have become  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(72)
		The hubris of insurance companies make it increasingly easy for President Obama to institute National Health Care. This is why we can't have nice things  (sfgate.com)	(225)

		Former President Cheney hospitalized  (foxnews.com)	(1182)
		In 2004, George W. Bush went 214 days without a formal press conference. Today, Obama just beat that record  (washingtontimes.com)	(227)
(UTV News)		Attention old farts everywhere; we "millennials" prefer be called the "Hero" generation  (u.tv)	(461)
(SFFMedia.com)		Roland Emmerich confirms the use of 3D motion capture just like Avatar for his upcoming adaptation of Isaac Asimov's Foundation trilogy. He'd appreciate a $500 million budget and 15 years to make it too  (sffmedia.com)	(70)
		Mysterious ring of water vapor presages invasion from space, or scattered showers. The Sun is there to partly cloudy  (thesun.co.uk)	(60)
		President Obama's health care proposal. It's an 11-page PDF, but has a link you can click to order your free pony  (politico.com)	(329)
		Addressing the most pressing problem facing the nation, pediatricians and your mom call for choke-proof hot dog  (usatoday.com)	(110)
		Fox News prior to CPAC: "This is where the next President will be anointed." Fox News after Ron Paul wins CPAC straw poll: "These things are waaay unscientific. It's really more about bragging rights, anyway"  (rawstory.com)	(342)

		Obama proposes Great Lakes cleanup, which presumably involves relocating Detroit to Nebraska    (cbc.ca)	(108)
		Arizona GOP State Representative wants to bring an incandescent bulb factory to Arizona so the Federal Government won't force him to switch to those commie fluorescent lightbulbs  (azcentral.com)	(210)
		Mother and son kidnapping team is further proof that the family that preys together stays together  (chron.com)	(19)

		Ron Paul wins CPAC Presidential straw poll. RON POLL  (foxnews.com)	(527)
		"Gollum displays pervasive maladaptive behaviour... with a persistent disease course... [and] fulfils seven of the nine criteria for schizoid personality disorder." Isn't that precious  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(106)
		Worst Olympics Ever? In spite of complaints by the British Press, a quick look back at other events puts the difficulties in Vancouver well down the list  (cbc.ca)	(138)
		Running badly behind schedule and under international pressure to honor treaty obligations and complete the destruction of the US chemical weapons arsenal; the Army wants to pull out its universal plan B: "Just blow 'em up"  (news.yahoo.com)	(105)
		Rhino pregnancy fuels hope for endangered species, rage amongst Fark Independents®  (cnn.com)	(47)
		Google engineer talks about his goal to caption the internet. Well, Fark's pretty much got the cat pictures wrapped up  (edition.cnn.com)	(23)
		Remember John Yoo, the Bush lawyer who wrote the Torture Memos? Turns out, he also said the President could legally order entire villages of civilians to be wiped out if the President felt like it  (blog.newsweek.com)	(195)
(Some Guy)		February 20th, 1992: Ross Perot says he'll run for President on Larry King. Do you hear me? Did you hear what I'm saying to you? What you have here is a headline. You read it from left to right. It's not rocket science, people    (brainyhistory.com)	(57)
		Using Facebook or Twitter could raise your insurance premiums by 10 percent because they can alert criminals when users are not home  (telegraph.co.uk)	(39)
(Some Unknown Rockers)		Manic Street Preachers attack Radiohead during a small show in Glasgow. Radiohead would respond, but they're too busy making music and playing shows that people actually listen to    (nme.com)	(30)

		MIT scientists develop sketch-interpreting software for tablet computers that can understand diagrams. So the marketing weasels can make an even more incomprehensible slide show for next week's all hands meeting  (physorg.com)	(15)
		Apparently being a highly tuned apex predator doesn't make you better at not running into ships  (guardian.co.uk)	(9)
(White House)		Want President Obama to speak at your high school commencement? 1. Submit an application. 2. Get selected as a finalist. 3. Win public vote. 4. [Something about teleprompters]  (whitehouse.gov)	(119)
		Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius says that if the Senate wants the public option President Obama will "absolutely" fight for it. Oh, Kitty, you still believe, that's so sweet  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(54)
		Two birds, one stone: have Obama nominate himself to sit on Supreme Court  (washingtonpost.com)	(259)
		Reason number two Russians are funny: Russian town greets diminuitive President with sign saying, "We await you, Merry Gnome"  (washingtonpost.com)	(46)
		Jay-Z took a preemptive step to keep trouble from happening at his Brit Awards afterparty by banning all white people  (starpulse.com)	(137)
		Make your bets now with this Tiger Woods Friday press conference odds sheet  (backporch.fanhouse.com)	(87)
(TV Squad)		White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs says President Obama would be more than happy to do "The Daily Show" while in office. "The Colbert Report"...not so much  (tvsquad.com)	(101)

		Even James Cameron says the 3D craze is stupid. Not as stupid as Avatar, but still, it's pretty stupid  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)	(75)
		The Dalai Lama talks to President Obama and comes out of the meeting ecstatic and filled with hope. A year from now the Lama will be out of work, upset about the deficit and grumbling about "czars"  (news.yahoo.com)	(103)
		Coup succeeds in detaining Niger president, exciting teabaggers who misread the headline    (reuters.com)	(640)
		Cheney says Obama will only be president half as long as him  (abcnews.go.com)	(124)
(WNYC)		NY legislator photobombed during press conference by critics. "Like a political version of 'whack-a-mole,' no sooner had they successfully blocked one sign than others popped up in the mostly pro-Espada crowd."  (wnyc.org)	(42)
		Colin Farrell is proud of his career, now that he's sober. However, he's still verbally incomprehensible  (contactmusic.com)	(18)
		John Boehner and Eric Cantor have written a letter challenging House Democratic leadership to a televised debate on jobs creation, but only if they promise not to bring the President because that didn't go so well for them last time  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(166)
		Best of Toy Fair 2010. Yea, it's a slide show, but it's still pretty cool stuff  (popsci.com)	(54)
		Much like the girl from the Palm Pre commercials, the Vampire Squid is creepy, yet strangely beautiful  (news.nationalgeographic.com)	(64)
		Sarah Palin's daughter is all, "He makes lots of money and I want it." The father of former Governor of Alaska and Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin's grandchild is all, "No way."  (myfoxtwincities.com)	(383)
		Prepare yourself for "Wuthering Twilight Heights"  (cinematical.com)	(32)
		The Castleford Area Voice for the Elderly has been successful at preventing the politically correct renaming of a Victorian landmark . "I feel we should never alter names, and Tickle Cock has a very clear message behind it"  (telegraph.co.uk)	(67)
		Swiss prostitutes will be trained to use defibrillators in brothels to prevent clients dying. The safe word is GAAAAAAAA  (telegraph.co.uk)	(67)
		How well did Back To The Future Part II predict the future?  (denofgeek.com)	(89)
		New method of preserving vaccines in a sugar film could save millions. Think of it as candied Malaria, only without the side effect of death  (content.usatoday.com)	(25)

		Local Italian-American group puts the pressure on organizers of a mafia-themed charity fundraiser, saying it's offensive to them  (mysuncoast.com)	(60)
		Oh, crap: Rick Santorum lubing his supporters into a froth for a presidential run  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(104)
		Americans don't agree on much else, but 80% of Americans, Democrats and Republicans alike, agree that the current Supreme Court is a bunch of citizen-hating corporate whores  (news.yahoo.com)	(106)
		Mi ro oft anoi ts A &T as pref rred 'Wi dows P one 7' ca r er. Th s is ... news for pe ple st ll us ng AT&T  (pcworld.com)	(144)
(Newser)		Baptist pastors prayed for Obama's death by brain cancer on Presidents Day. It's not a tumor  (newser.com)	(221)

		Foodies do taste test of Whole Foods local produce against Walmart local produce, not entirely happy to discover they ended up preferring Walmart fruits and vegetables at two-thirds the price  (theatlantic.com)	(317)
(Harpers)		What to do when the former Vice President admits to war crimes on national television?  (harpers.org)	(508)
(Giant Freakin' Robot)		Eleven science fiction properties that need a movie, from the predictable (Futurama) to the lame (Red Dwarf) to the awesome (The Mote in God's Eye)  (giantfreakinrobot.com)	(347)
		The world's oldest barber is still cutting 25-30 heads a day, just like he did when Coolidge was president. Only difference: not much call for leeches nowadays  (nytimes.com)	(23)
		Schools forcing students to sign contracts to attend dances to prevent "grinding". Promote the program with the slogan "Dance like Grandma's watching"  (msnbc.msn.com)	(262)
		Apparently, a good-looking ex-kids show TV presenter showing 10 things she can do with a lemon is not an audience-puller  (lep.co.uk)	(78)

		Ken Starr appointed president of Baylor University. Promises to get to the bottom of student affairs  (chron.com)	(71)
		Jimmy Carter is our "best former president ever." Yeah. If you mean its best he's no longer president  (newsbusters.org)	(372)
		Top 10 Forgettable Presidents. This is bad news.....for Van Buren  (time.com)	(124)
		Students suspended after fight, do their parents - C: Sue the school system for denying their precious snowflakes an education?  (newsobserver.com)	(120)
		Reporter shows up to report on BNP press conference. Things get rough when they start to play "I've got your nose"  (timesonline.co.uk)	(134)
		Obama to ask Clinton to ask Saudi Arabia to ask China to pressure Iran on its nuclear program  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(41)
		English Premier League, beloved by sport snobs for determining champion without American-style knockout postseason, plans to award final UEFA Champions League berth to winner of American-style 4-team knockout playoffs  (guardian.co.uk)	(84)
		"Family Guy" made fun of Sarah Palin's mentally disabled son tonight, and Facebook prepares for the Kanye West-level rant that she is about to unleash  (tv.gawker.com)	(258)
		Housing market set for the precipitous crash it avoided two years ago as government money runs out. Here comes the pain, buying opportunities  (nytimes.com)	(142)
		New suvery discovers most men would prefer to marry a woman with a pleasant nature than a supermodel. In other news, most men are taking surveys with their wives standing right next to them  (dailymail.co.uk)	(146)

(Some Guy)		Mynd you, ørangutan bites kan be pretty nasti  (kcci.com)	(49)
		Jimmy Kimmel brings Octomom on his show to play a Valentine's-themed version of "The Dating Game". Don't even pretend you wouldn't  (examiner.com)	(139)
		Behind closed doors and with no cameras present, President Obama signed into law Friday afternoon the bill raising the public debt limit from $12.4 trillion to $14.3 trillion  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(243)
		Title: "Pondering a Congress without the Kennedy family" Subtext: Do you really want Massachusetts representatives being *sober* during their votes?  (boston.com)	(31)
		President Obama is sending coded messages to his terrorist buddies that it's safe to come and attack America. Time to start learning the Islam language  (townhall.com)	(271)

		With Monday being Presidents Day, here are 48 technology "firsts" for U.S. presidents: First to ride a train, be on TV, duck virtual shoes, etc. (First born in a hospital?)  (networkworld.com)	(29)
(Some Biko)		After months of rumors, Peter Gabriel says he will not attend Genesis's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. No, I'm pretty sure it's Genesis's and not Genesis'. Look, just back off, he's not going and it sucks  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(59)
(Some Dick)		Coming soon to Ontario schools: Help Captain Condom, Wonder Vag, Willy the Kid and Power Pap prevent the evil Sperminator from infecting all of Sex City with STD's  (montrealgazette.com)	(75)
		Former Power Ranger challenges Jean Claude Van Damme to a fight for allegedly blowing him off at a Power Ranger movie premiere 15 years ago  (tmz.com)	(85)

(Some Lemon)		Tina Fey represents normalcy, geeky hotness  (digitalspy.com)	(66)
		Yesterday's media suggestion for President Obama was to "go gangsta' ". Today's suggestion from Bloomberg is to "crack some heads". Is "pop a cap in someone's ass" far behind?  (bloomberg.com)	(55)
		To prevent the snowflakes from getting hurt feelings, NCAA proposes taking away touchdowns from taunting players  (msn.foxsports.com)	(95)
		"Don't Stop Believin'" is the only pre-2000s track among iTunes 25 most downloaded tracks ev  (rollingstone.com)	(116)

		Obama is now fifth all-time on list of longest drought of clemency actions to start a Presidency, trailing only the first two and the last two of his predecessors  (reason.com)	(43)
(Zadan)		Dear Fark, i present to you: James Shubin. And he's awesome  (zadan.nl)	(40)
		MySpace CEO Van Natta quits after just nine months, which is pretty much what most MySpace users did four years ago    (csmonitor.com)	(29)
(Some Smooth Operator)		Sade says she is uneasy about fame and attention, but she's pretty okay with being f*cking hot as hell  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(34)
(Derpitty Durst)		Limp Bizkit say that "people will still hate them" even after releasing their new album. I'm pretty sure that's the smartest thing the group has ever said  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(26)
		Americans are represented by two separate but equally different political parties: the democrats who advocate liberalism, and the republicans who have Michael Moriarty claiming John McCain is a secret democrat. This is his latest whargarrbl  (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(46)
(TUAW)		A history of the Electronic Frontier Foundation, presented by Farker and Mythbuster Adam Savage, featuring swords and Barney the Dinosaur  (tuaw.com)	(57)
		President Obama reports that 95,000 jobs, including the long-awaited Unicorn Herder, Leprechaun Catcher, and Fairy Wing Polisher, to start arriving each month  (nytimes.com)	(339)
		Not news: Debt collectors repeatedly call, threaten man about unpaid vehicle loan. Not news: He is pressing criminal charges and suing for harassment. Fark: Man never had a loan; the debtor once used him as a "reference"  (consumerist.com)	(73)
		CNN political analyst tells president he should "go gangsta' " on Republicans. That should get the bi-partisanship experiment off to a good start, don't you think?  (cnn.com)	(204)
		"Jaws" screenwriter Carl Gottlieb wins prestigious honor from the Writers Guild of America. You're gonna need a bigger mantle  (contactmusic.com)	(9)
		Indianapolis Colts president congratulates the Saints on winning the Super Bowl. Just kidding, he threw his offensive line under the bus  (sports.espn.go.com)	(158)
		"What, one wonders, will Democrats have to say about the filibuster when Sarah Palin is jamming through her first-year agenda as president?"  (realclearpolitics.com)	(602)

		Customer breaks her tooth on a Godiva chocolate pretzel, demands reparations. Godiva sends her a complimentary box of chocolates. Hey, at least it was something  (consumerist.com)	(38)
		Federal Reserve concerned that economic growth maybe be coming back; making preparations to combat this worrisome development. Yes, really  (nytimes.com)	(36)
		It's pretty difficult to maintain your credibility as an iron-fisted ruler when your mom is pushing you around  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(22)
(Billboard)		"My d--k is sort of like a white supremacist," Mayer went on. "I've got a Benetton heart and a f---in David Duke cock." Ummmm.... OK?  (billboard.com)	(109)
		During the first six months of the Obama administration, press briefings averaged 189 laughs per month (LPM) . In the last six months, its down to 89 LPM. In related news, someone keeps track of the number of LPM in a press briefing  (politico.com)	(91)
		You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see that the IQ of Congress will drop another 80% this fall with the retirement of its only nuclear physicist representative  (congress.blogs.foxnews.com)	(42)
		Slash's top 10 farkin' guitar riffs of all farkin' time are pretty farkin' monstrous, man  (pastemagazine.com)	(85)
		Canadians have made their choice, and by a margin of almost 5:1, they prefer an onion ring to their Prime Minister. That number goes up even more when you add cheese and gravy  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(42)
		Obama's plea of bipartisanship really means "do it my way or you are engaging in obstinacy" which is the exact same thing his last four predecessors said. Welcome to Change Country  (cbsnews.com)	(243)
		Sports columnist has the huevos to hold himself accountable for his 2009 NFL preseason predictions, despite their accuracy  (sports.espn.go.com)	(41)

		Criticizing the President's handling of anti-terror measures is no longer patriotic. Nothing to see here citizen, move along  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(224)
(WHNT)		US Senator Shelby (R-ALzheimer's) releases blanket hold on 70 of President Obama's appointees after getting some attention, hugs  (whnt.com)	(196)
		After a spending spree, China's sovereign fund now owns $9.6 billion worth of major US companies, will use new shareholder leverage to demand labor cost cuts and more employee beatings  (manufacturing.net)	(43)
		UN very upset that some Haitian hospitals, which are treating patients with donated medical supplies and volunteer doctors, are still sending patients a bill afterwards. US insurance companies, on the other hand, are downright impressed  (abcnews.go.com)	(107)
		Research shows how colors describe happiness vs. depression. The quest for the elusive fark greenlight finally explained  (news.yahoo.com)	(45)
		Robert Gibbs says the President is willing to review the GOP health care proposals that he has been saying for months do not exist  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(244)
(Some Guy)		Researchers say your color preference is closely related to which careers you are best suited. Here's a quick online test to find out whether you should be a CEO or a carney  (careerpath.com)	(314)
		Millionaire gives away his fortune because it made him miserable. "My idea is to have nothing left. Absolutely nothing, Money is counterproductive - it prevents happiness to come."  (telegraph.co.uk)	(297)

		The Argentine artist who received a six-figure check from the Canadian Arts Council to fund the creation of a 300-meter-long inflatable banana to fly over Texas in protest of President Bush's policies has cashed the check and skipped town  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(70)
		Study shows that actually being a parent may prevent your kid from being a fat, lazy, slob  (health.yahoo.com)	(60)
		Drew Brees leaves phone interview with Colin Cowherd to take a call from President Obama, then calls back to finish the interview  (espn.go.com)	(62)
(Some Guy)		Instructional Videos: Werewolf Prevention Training  (horror-movies.ca)	(14)
		That was the last Super Bowl that won't be stuffed with ad after preachy, chastising ad  (sports.yahoo.com)	(101)
		Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan emerges from his hole and predicts six more years of high unemployment    (thehill.com)	(38)
		Can indie movies survive in the era of "Avatar"?  (defamer.gawker.com)	(110)
		Carrie Prejean engaged to Rams' QB. This just isn't your year, is it Rams fans?  (eonline.com)	(35)
		Laura Chinchilla set to become Costa Rica's first female, rodent President  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(68)

(Sunday Nation)		If you're an illegal alien and your happen to be the aunt of a sitting U.S. President, then congratulations. You may pass Go. You may collect $200  (nation.co.ke)	(217)
		In an effort to make customers realize just how much public health care reform will cost, Blue Cross raises premiums by 39%  (sfgate.com)	(161)
(Waterloo Courier)		School confiscates student-run school newspaper because of an article questioning treatment of students, saying it "violated student confidentiality" by showing how atheletes got preferential treatment over everyone else  (wcfcourier.com)	(233)
		By mocking Sarah Palin's inventiveness liberals are just showing their butthurt over the fact their president is a dunce who is glued to his teleprompter  (corner.nationalreview.com)	(537)
(Some Guy)		"I can give you absolutely conclusive and definitive proof that Obama's birth certificate does not exist. How else do you explain why Joe Biden is vice president?" Wait, what?  (washingtonindependent.com)	(91)
(Topless Robot)		The five coolest and five stupidest superhero weaknesses. Yes, the Green Lantern's weakness to the color yellow is represented here  (toplessrobot.com)	(79)
		French President Nicolas Sarkozy has declared the burqa "not welcome" in secular France after two men robbed bank disguised as Muslim women dressed in head to toe traditional religious garb  (abc.net.au)	(483)

		Today would have been the 99th birthday of the greatest President who ever lived, Ronald Reagan  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(402)
(Some Football Fan)		Detailed schedule of Super Bowl pregame shows on all the networks. Or, "when to make a beer run"  (awfulannouncing.blogspot.com)	(25)
		FBI pressuring ISPs to spy on every customer and store data for at least two years. Prepare your lolcats for battle  (news.cnet.com)	(83)
		"Watching Howard [The Duck] is an experience often compared with being tied down and having a family of magical leprechauns s--t in your eye sockets for an hour and a half"  (cracked.com)	(77)
		Anthrax contaminated heroin spreads. Because if there's one thing you don't want in a drug that can kill you is another drug that can kill you  (news.com.au)	(175)
(Air Force Times)		US military orders all bases worldwide to stock morning-after pills so no one can use pregnancy to get out of deployments  (airforcetimes.com)	(104)
		Keira Knightley: "Every time I do an interview with the English press, one of their questions is, 'How do you feel knowing that everyone thinks you're a s--t actress?' "  (huffingtonpost.com)	(56)
		Assuming you haven't installed the two add-ons with trojans, Firefox is a safe, and pretty secure browser  (download.cnet.com)	(99)
		Why did Alito mouth "not true" when Obama accused him of overturning 100 years of settled law with his recent campaign finance ruling? Because Alito believes the Supreme Court threw out only 25 years of established law not 100  (news.yahoo.com)	(258)
(Some shrubber)		Ancient Stonehenge was surrounded by a Shrubbery and was presumably abandoned after the blasphemy of Ecky ecky ecky ecky pikang zoom boing mumble mumble  (news.oneindia.in)	(42)
		Pure panda-monium. 16 panda cubs pose for pictures at the Wolong National Nature Reserve. Prepare yourself massive cuteness overload  (dailymail.co.uk)	(41)
		Sending dirty IMs to a cop pretending to be a 13 year old girl is not a crime in Massachusetts as long as the font looks like type and not hand writing  (boston.com)	(39)
		Prairie dogs pack more information into one bark than humans can express in 140 characters  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(20)

		President Obama eulogizes woman buried in Obama t-shirt whose name he can't remember  (hotair.com)	(57)
		Word of the new Teabagger Party flag is 'spreading from porch to porch'  (rawstory.com)	(116)
		Brittany Murphy's creepy widower Simon Monjack said to be "stunned" that her cause of death doesn't jibe with his impeccably prepared PR campaign  (jam.canoe.ca)	(34)
		Carbonite reveals chemistry of ancient seawater, Han Solo's facial expression    (physorg.com)	(9)
		Statue of President Obama as a 10-year-old boy to be removed from public park in Jakarta after people complain that he wasn't even born there. LOL - what kind of backwards country throws such a fit about where Obama was born?    (nytimes.com)	(50)
		30 Seconds to Mars forced to cancel the premiere of their new documentary after a bomb scare. Apparently, someone realized just how bad the movie was  (contactmusic.com)	(17)
		Representative Kennedy (D-enial) is angry that Scott Brown (R-eally Sexy) is in fact, a Republican  (thehill.com)	(161)
		Yeah, this list of StarWarsified band names is pretty funny, but I guarantee the humorists of Fark can do better. Voting enabled  (wired.com)	(118)

		The guy who compared the marketplace in Iraq to a farmer's market in Indiana? Yeah, he's probably running for President  (liveshots.blogs.foxnews.com)	(17)
(Whitehouse.gov)		White House rolls out "Text4Baby" program, which sends free texts to pregnant women with advice and info pertinent to their timeline. Logical, rational news coverage sure to follow  (whitehouse.gov)	(45)
		This story has, in no particular order: beer, dwarves dressed as oompa-loompas, bikini-clad models in car wash videos, pre-HIV 1970 LA Lakers, and more beer  (stuff.co.nz)	(7)
		Clarence Thomas objects that President Obama should not have been so uppity as to criticize any decision by the infallable, completely non-political justices of the Supreme Court  (abcnews.go.com)	(143)
		Aliens Rap. Pretty awesome but mind the Britishness  (youtube.com)	(20)
		Lindsay Lohan has a hoarding problem. Presumably, it involves hoarding cocaine, heroin, and meth  (starpulse.com)	(51)
		The nomination for Cook County Board President goes to Toni Preckwinkle, who now must endure constant snickering every time someone says her name  (chicagotribune.com)	(24)
		Please stay healthy, Justice Kennedy: Supreme Court justices John Paul Stevens and Ruth Bader Ginsburg may step down soon to let Obama appoint their liberal replacements  (abcnews.go.com)	(150)
		The Saints are giving Drew Brees a raise, presumably on the theory that if they don't, he can very easily find someone who will  (sports.yahoo.com)	(35)
		"Pretty soon the villagers drew the obvious conclusion that the salamander's spirit was wreaking revenge from beyond the grave, and must be placated" (w/ video)  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(17)
		Upon further review, we actually lost 824,000 more jobs than previously thought last year. Think about that as you play political backgammon  (bloomberg.com)	(75)
		Opening scene from "Powaqqatsi." Prepare to be mesmerized  (youtube.com)	(46)

		Everybody loved last week's episode of Ask Barack so much there's been a petition started to make it a regular occurrence. Who wouldn't want to tune in to watch the President verbally biatch slap Republicans on a weekly basis?  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(198)
		Further proving that the health care debacle has flipped a switch in the president's brain, Obama agrees to meet Dalai Lama  (washingtonpost.com)	(107)
		Expectant mothers need to stop using pregnancy as an excuse for... well, let's start with "memory lapses"  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(129)
		Senator Orrin Hatch says Guantanamo is "pretty nice compared to Illinois"; New Jersey is enjoying the schadenfreude  (swamppolitics.com)	(28)
		Scientists warn of an upcoming Lulz-quake of epic proportions as the Tea-baggers prepare to release their "crowd-sourced" party platform, to be entitled the "Contract From America"  (news.yahoo.com)	(352)
		Link found between depression and intern...oh, what's the use. Nobody greenlights me, anyway  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(81)
		President Obama handed a PDB titled "Al Qaeda determined to strike in US by July 2010." Let's see what happens  (usatoday.com)	(445)
		President Obama fulfills promise to eliminate corporate cronyism in federal government. Just kidding, his weatherization chief has been giving handouts to her business exec husband's tiny window company  (townhall.com)	(58)

		Season 6 of "Lost" premieres at 9 PM on ABC. Here's the discussion thread. No spoilers  (mtv.com)	(lots)
		GM, Ford see sales gains as consumers prefer to have a car in which a stuck accelerator simply means doing 25mph instead of 20mph  (msnbc.msn.com)	(64)
		The official Modern Warfare 2 music video is almost better than the game. Okay, that's an asinine statement but it's still pretty damn good  (youtube.com)	(108)
		Thanks and appreciation from Bufu's family and friends for the great Tribute Thread(tm). DIT  (fark.com)	(74)
		Scientists find Neanderthal teeth in Poland, presumably from prehistoric British tourists  (iol.co.za)	(48)
		How to be a bad bartender: Don't give the patron what he wants, stir cocktails languidly, and pretend customers have Ebola and refuse to serve them  (food.theatlantic.com)	(366)
		US President to respond to questions posed by the educated and literate commentators of Youtube  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(180)
		Joan Jett has been paid well enough to say that she's impressed with Kristen Stewart's portrayal of her in an upcoming biopic  (contactmusic.com)	(40)
		Inventor unveils $7,000 talking sex robot. Yeah, he pretty much looks like you'd expect him too  (cnn.com)	(245)
		Canadian Premier going to U.S. for heart surgery. So much for socialized medicine, eh?  (cbc.ca)	(296)
		Fifteen year old girl with no vagina gets pregnant, apparently due to sperm she received from performing fellatio leaking from her GI tract into her uterus after being stabbed at the bar where she worked. Then it gets weird  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(313)

		We present to you Dita von Teese / Who's carved from a big block of cheese / Oh sure, she's cross-eyed / And her head's awful wide / But you've never seen udders like these  (metro.co.uk)	(59)
		Socialist President Obama wants to privatize much of NASA and... wait, what?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(211)
		In antipication of the season premiere of its final season tomorrow night, here are the top 10 best episodes of Lost as chosen by Time magazine  (tunedin.blogs.time.com)	(235)
(Political Wire)		Steele rules out presidential bid. Subby rules out serious long term relationship with Jessica Alba  (politicalwire.com)	(82)
		Uh oh... the new Republican messiah just went on national television and reaffirmed his support for Roe v. Wade. Bonus: he also said he thinks Palin is qualified to be President  (huffingtonpost.com)	(429)
		In the understatement of the decade, Cindy Crawford is "holding together pretty good"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(77)
(Some Spy)		Matt Damon says the new Bourne film "could be a prequel." Look for The Bourne Conception in theaters next year  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(66)
		While John Edwards continues to get hammered here for his love child, the president of South Africa just fathered his 20th child, this time with the daughter of a friend  (telegraph.co.uk)	(216)
(Someone Who Overstimates her Worth)		Ke$ha claims she is nothing ike Lady Gaga or Katy Perry. Yeah, that's pretty much true; after all, people can stand to listen to Gaga and Perry  (digitalspy.com)	(99)
		In a case destined to set precedent worldwide, adulterers in Malaysia are fined four buffaloes  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(46)
(Soviet Canuckistan)		"...one cannot look through the list of President Obama's strange and demented policy czars without spotting so many Holden Caulfields, nor escape their ever-presence among the talking heads of MSNBC..."  (ottawacitizen.com)	(114)

(Some Guy)		Betty Crocker looking for new Hamburger Helper mascot as the previous one was evidently killed near the U.S.\Mexico border  (wfaa.com)	(127)
(LA Observed)		In-N-Out gives PBS show unprecedented access behind the scenes, including an interview with 28-year old owner Lynsi Martinez. Yes you would hit it, after telling 5 Guys to suck it  (laobserved.com)	(145)
		The superstitions of politicians: Obama's strategist carried quartz for good luck, Indira Gandhi consulted soothsayers, and Pakistan's president kills a goat every day. Wait, what?  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(72)
		Since they're as old as my father and STILL kicked my ass live last night, Subby and SHMHC presents: Exodus - "War Is My Shepard"  (youtube.com)	(101)
		Pharmaceutical giant GSK to cut 4,000 jobs, as every medicine except for antidepressants projected to decrease in sales  (business.timesonline.co.uk)	(12)
		It's pretty irritating to see Obama laud Ryan's plan and say that it's the sort of thing that deserves "serious discussion" after watching him refuse for almost a year to recognize the existence of legitimate opposing ideas  (reason.com)	(199)
(Some Guy)		Coconut prices predicted to crash by experts in Thiruvanathapuram. Sell, Mortimer, sell  (expressbuzz.com)	(16)

		After giving an inspiring State of the Union speech and sitting down with Republicans this week, President Obama goes to a basketball game, takes over analyst duties, and boldly tells the audience that Duke sucks. What can this guy not do?  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(56)
		"I suppose the end of human spaceflight does represent change, but it is certainly not the change I believe in," says Sen. Richard Shelby, R-ocketman  (blog.al.com)	(393)
		CBS rejects gay dating website ad for Super Bowl due do not "fitting CBS standards" preferring man & woman relationships that end in a baby  (money.cnn.com)	(189)
(Some Guy)		Not only is Focus on the Family ruining the Super Bowl with the Tim Tebow ad, they run fake clinics with fake preganancy tests and fake ultrasounds. They faked the Moon shots, too  (womensmediacenter.com)	(85)
		Ric Romero reports people use more coupons when they have less money. Next week plans to break news that some shoppers prefer sales to paying full price  (cnn.com)	(9)

		Miss America Live says that "Rush Limbaugh has exceptionally impressive fist pumping skills"  (politico.com)	(41)
		English researchers say a comprehensive study proves there's no G-spot. French researchers say of course the Brits can't find it  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(85)
		In a brilliant tactical move, President Obama agrees to listen to Republican ideas about the economy, health care, energy and other issues. FARK: But only if they spend the day in Baltimore  (myfoxdc.com)	(324)
		James O'Keefe's colorful college career: Including video of him protesting that the Lucky Charms leprechaun is a racist stereotype  (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(124)
		"But his fraternity brothers took it upon themselves to continue the branding -- this time large triangles to represent the Tri Delta Sorority -- on his other buttock while he was passed out"  (abcnews.go.com)	(317)
		94% of Bill O'Reilly's viewers give Obama an "A" for his first year, illustrating that only the elite can really understand how terrible a president he is  (dailykos.com)	(62)
(readwriteweb.com)		"When social sites... manage to rally the troops, the effect can be pretty substantial, like when Reddit, Digg and Fark managed to rickroll Shea Stadium. There are numerous examples, with some being funnier than others" (5th paragraph)  (readwriteweb.com)	(2)
		Richard Branson unveils plans for a new "underwater plane", presumably after extensive consultation with the Italian Air Force  (telegraph.co.uk)	(79)
		Italy to open first prison for transsexuals, presumably to be called Alcatranz    (telegraph.co.uk)	(88)

		Local child porn advocacy group in Miami is distributing flyers warning parents that Pete Townshend is a sex offender. Um, I'm pretty sure EVERYONE KNOWS WHO THE FARK PETE TOWNSHEND IS, JACKASSES  (contactmusic.com)	(107)
		If you look really close at Tila Tequila's pregnancy ultrasound, the kid is already holding an appletini  (deceiver.com)	(35)
(Some Guy)		"I am weary of the President's unspoken premise that only government--indeed, only the federal government--can accomplish good in our society."  (lp.org)	(245)
		The day after President Obama ripped lobbyists in the State of The Union address, K Street insiders get private briefings. Damn it man  (thehill.com)	(176)
		The JJ Abrams Board Game. I'm pretty sure there's no way to win and you'll just wind up in a predestination paradox  (io9.com)	(34)
		Argentina's president says pork leads to porking  (news.yahoo.com)	(79)
(Some John)		"I am a free woman of color" declares preacher busted for soliciting a five dollar prostitute  (indexjournal.com)	(154)
		Turns out Teabugger-Pimptriot James O'Keefe wasn't trying to tap Sen. Landrieu's phones after all. He was just trying to shut down the entire building's phone system by gaining access under false pretenses and cutting the wires  (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(372)
		GM trying to lure Toyota customers who are worried about recall, figuring people prefer to buy a car that they KNOW is a piece of crap rather than finding out later  (money.cnn.com)	(117)
		We shall never forget them nor the last time we saw them, as they prepared for their mission and waved good-bye and slipped the surly bonds of Earth to touch the face of God  (youtube.com)	(178)
		If you get your car serviced in California you will pay the dealer whatever he demands to check your tire pressure or go to jail for six months for crimes against nature  (signonsandiego.com)	(162)
		America's most prestigious colleges lost their shirts investing in stocks in 2008. For 2009 they invested with private equity. Guess what happened?  (nytimes.com)	(59)
		Supreme Court Justice Alito's "You Lie" moment during the SOTU (w/ video)  (politico.com)	(681)
		Hillary almost gets her chance at the Presidency  (news.yahoo.com)	(38)
		Future NFL Hall of Fame QB to hold press conference later this week to let us know if he's going to retire. No, not that one. Really. No, REALLY NOT THAT ONE  (nytimes.com)	(73)
		The recession has seen the street price of oral sex plummet from $60 last fall to $20 today..."we are in the most serious depression since the 1930s. This shows the magnitude of the decline. It is deep and it is problematic."  (thestar.com)	(143)
		Country club voting on whether to allow turbans to be worn on their premises after Sikh community leader was refused entry to a party given there in his honor  (nzherald.co.nz)	(112)

		Rep. Paul Ryan (R-esolute) re-introducing previously ignored Republican health care reform bill. This *is* a repeat from 2008, 2009  (hotair.com)	(54)
		Your State of the Union discussion/drinking game thread. LGT pre-game and live stream, get out your bingo cards  (abcnews.com)	(lots)
		What's cooler than cool? Finding out your newly purchased home has a previously undiscovered trapdoor and a hidden room  (ajc.com)	(231)
		Ten percent of children realize that they are not precious, will not amount to anything in the future, and cause their parents to drink heavily  (dailymail.co.uk)	(141)
		Pete Doherty fined for carrying heroin into a courtroom. You know, I'm pretty sure I would throw him in rehab instead of fining him  (contactmusic.com)	(14)
		Press secretary Gibbs says "The president is going to explain why he thinks the American people are angry and frustrated," He will then point at 535 people seated in front of him, then at himself  (abcnews.go.com)	(283)
(Charleston Gazette)		Apparently, the duties of the Director of the State Historic Preservation Office don't include masturbating in a state vehicle in public  (wvgazette.com)	(61)
		Salt Lake County GOP bumps James O'Keefe from giving keynote address at annual fundraiser after his arrest. "He doesn't necessarily represent the Republican Party."  (sltrib.com)	(352)
		NATO considering negotiating a truce with Taliban in Afghanistan, consulting with former US president on designs for their own Mission Accomplished banner  (ctv.ca)	(69)
		Not so happy cows. Prepare to switch to soy milk after reading this. Not safe for cereal  (abcnews.go.com)	(483)
		The Baseball Hall of Fame decides it would be less embarrassing for Andre Dawson to go into the Hall of Fame representing a team that no longer exists instead of the Cubs  (sports.espn.go.com)	(60)
		Cypress Hill have hired a Dutch manufacturing company to build them a six-foot bong. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it  (contactmusic.com)	(37)
		Poll shows Scott Brown tied with Obama in a 2012 presidential contest. An unknown state legislator with no experience or accomplishments who spends a couple years in the Senate before running for president? Ridiculous, couldn't happen  (bostonherald.com)	(238)
		President Obama declares his membership in Who Dat Nation for the Super Bowl  (blogs.suntimes.com)	(108)
		London police detain children's TV show presenters under anti-terrorism laws. Because terrorists dress in techincolor armor & wield hairdryers covered in glitter. OK, maybe the gay ones  (upi.com)	(21)
		How did giant flightless birds get spread all over the world? They flew. No, really  (sciencedaily.com)	(28)

		US teen pregnancy rate up for first time since 1990 on word that your unemployed daughters have nothing better to do  (breitbart.com)	(184)
		Remember that pretend pimp that "brought down" ACORN? He was just arrested trying to wiretap a Senator's office  (nola.com)	(819)
		Haitian president says the situation in Port-au-Prince is tents  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(74)
(Some Indie Film Geek)		Movie about Muslim punk rockers premieres at Sundance. Lead singer in a burqa? You got it  (sundance.bside.com)	(54)
(Some Guy)		Mulching program brings increase of 50% over previous year's mulch. This is a re-peat from 2009  (northfulton.com)	(52)
		Left-wing, socialist companies spreading the wealth around by advertising 87,000 job openings, creating more taxpayers to feed Obama's communist agenda    (money.cnn.com)	(57)
		Go ahead and buy that new HDTV: Global economy expected to grow by 3.9 percent, with the US economy growing by 2.7 percent, both figures above previous forecasts  (breitbart.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		Wilco offering downloads of live performances to help Haiti, okay that's actually pretty cool  (spinner.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)		The Who reveals pre-recorded Super Bowl set list, which they will lipsynch and perform air-guitar, LIVE  (billboard.com)	(134)
(TV Squad)		The president is black, the New Orleans Saints are in the Super Bowl, and the History Channel just gave Larry the Cable Guy a TV show. We are through the looking glass here, people  (tvsquad.com)	(90)
		Ozzy Osbourne says he will not reunite with Black Sabbath any time soon. Well, that's just one interpretation  (contactmusic.com)	(27)
		Nancy Grace asked a judge to seal her videotaped pretrial deposition. Is worried that a media leak would result in the manipulation of her testimony via a "cut and splice" job. Hey, she would know about such things  (thesmokinggun.com)	(185)
		In the spirt of bipartianship, President Obama meets GOP halfway on their demands and says he'd rather be a good one-term president than a poor two-term president  (abcnews.go.com)	(213)

		Citizens of Greenwood, Ind. are warned of a scam using a State Representitive's name to get $52 to 'save electricity', and the Indiana Utility Regulatory Commission figures that anyone who falls for that deserves to lose $52  (indystar.com)	(41)
		Saab owners stage a protest to save their beloved brand. Outside of an Ikea. In Chicago. Pretty sure this is a textbook case for Doing it Wrong  (chicagotribune.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)		Fox prepares reboot of Planet of the Apes reboot, damn them all to hell  (nymag.com)	(72)
		City reacts to Lifetime pregnancy pact movie. "They made the Gloucester girls look like idiots."  (boston.com)	(63)
		Australian soccer player facing charges of playing ball before the pitch was properly prepared  (news.com.au)	(51)
		President Obama summoned for Illinois jury duty, says he can't make it because he's "busy" or something  (news.yahoo.com)	(149)
		"USA Today fully embraces social media and the opportunities it presents as evidenced by our... partnership with leading social media news sites like Fark." You hear that? WE'RE EMBRACED (third paragraph in the article)  (examiner.com)	(4)
		Governments should prepare for the worst if aliens visit Earth because beings from outer space are likely to be just like humans, says leading scientist  (guardian.co.uk)	(236)
		Obama Press Guy to the Senate: "Mighty fine economy you got there, it'd be a shame if you didn't confirm Ben Bernanke and the economy were to tank"  (dailykos.com)	(225)

		Ever thought about redrawing the fifty states to equalize the populations and thus the representation in the US Senate? Here's a really cool map which shows what it would look like  (yglesias.thinkprogress.org)	(380)
		How to impress girls, Russian edition: ride the Moscow subway naked  (en.rian.ru)	(52)

		Ancient Ajami writing could bring to light African history long suppressed by Islamic invaders and Christian colonialists  (boston.com)	(53)
		New study shows Venezuela twice as dangerous to America's way of life than previously thought  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(73)
		"The fierce pressure of urban living has driven the dogs to evolve wolf-like traits, increased intelligence, and even the ability to navigate the subway". Your dog wants Tube steak  (popsci.com)	(76)
		Experience has already proven that prohibiting health insurers from basing coverage decisions on pre-existing conditions is the surest way to kill the health insurance industry  (reason.com)	(314)
(Vimeo)		Previously unseen time lapse footage of crews pulling US Airways jet out of the Hudson River  (vimeo.com)	(47)

		"Darwin's theory of evolution does not preclude the possibility of religious faith, except for atheists or fundamentalists." Or FARKers  (sfgate.com)	(401)
		Pulitzer Board denies National Enquirer prize for Edwards scoop, already awarded Pulitzer to Obama for presidential memoir he hasn't written yet    (abcnews.go.com)	(32)
		So...yeah, Deadpool as a Hulk. That looks pretty awesome, actually  (io9.com)	(103)
(Some Guy)		47-year-old man pretends to be his 21-year-old daughter. Kinky  (gettysburgtimes.com)	(61)
		Today is National Squirrel Appreciation Day. Peanuts appreciated  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(119)
		Amy Winehouse's ex is dating a pre-op transsexual Amy Winehouse impersonator, which is actually a step up  (dailymail.co.uk)	(42)
		French President Sarkozy to visit Rwanda, cites common history of hatred and contempt for Belgium  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(16)
		Loretta Lynn is preparing to go on the Lilith Fair Tour, outlive us all  (contactmusic.com)	(15)
		Presenting a couple dozen gun enthusiasts getting their collective asses kicked while firing a .557 rifle. Well, except for the last guy; he's down with it  (liveleak.com)	(48)

		Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you "The Wilhelm Scream Compilation". If you're not laughing so hard your face hurts by about 1/2 way through, you're dead inside  (youtube.com)	(56)
		Under pressure, Trijicon will remove the God code from its scopes. Military casualties expected to skyrocket  (abcnews.go.com)	(513)
		President Obama blasts Supreme Court decision, saying the campaign finance ruling will lead to a "stampede of special interest money, " failing to add, "from groups that don't support me"  (breitbart.com)	(327)
		The LOST flight 815 crash edited a la 24 style real time. Prepare yourself for mind blowing goodness  (youtube.com)	(126)
(Citizen.org)		Liberal advocacy group Public Citizen reacts to today's Supreme Court decision by calling for a constitutional amendment and public financing of elections and groups that whine and stamp their feet enough  (citizen.org)	(250)
		Sexy Italian TV presenter called for a handball on David Beckham, reports "It's small"  (dailystar.co.uk)	(47)
		President Obama congratulates Brown on a fine campaign. Just kidding, he blames Bush for the voters not picking a Democrat. "People are angry and they are frustrated because of what's happened over the last eight years"  (abcnews.go.com)	(220)
		Man who was diagnosed with an incurable brain illness 20 years ago has now been told he does not, in fact, have Huntingdon's disease after both his wife and daughters terminated pregnancies for fear of passing on the disease. Oops  (news.stv.tv)	(160)
		Some hipster doofuses prefer to live without heat. "I know this sounds really lame, but I listen to a lot of music and it just sounds better." Yes, it sounds lame  (nytimes.com)	(470)
		Paul Krugman loses hope: "I'm pretty close to giving up on Mr. Obama, who seems determined to confirm every doubt I and others ever had about whether he was ready to fight for what his supporters believed in"  (krugman.blogs.nytimes.com)	(490)
		Tara Reid claims she's engaged, presumably to someone who still thinks it's 1999  (contactmusic.com)	(52)
		Supreme Court rejects judicial activism, ruggedly overturns 100 years established law in favor of plaintiffs who were litigating on a completely different question  (cnn.com)	(235)
		As everyone predicted by having it (i) before the Super Bowl, and (ii) not in Hawaii, the Pro Bowl losing its starpower by the hour  (blogs.palmbeachpost.com)	(108)
		NFL players ask Congress to help prevent a lockout in 2011. Hey, it's not like Congress has more important things to do  (sports.yahoo.com)	(15)
		President Obama unleashes his secret weapon: The Volckernator. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until all the bankers are dead  (nytimes.com)	(115)
		Mother of teen featured on MTV's "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" arrested for assaulting the teen over parenting techniques. She's going to sit in time-out now and think about what she did  (omaha.com)	(55)
		When Brown runs for President in 2012 he will actually be more qualified than Obama was when he ran  (news.yahoo.com)	(249)

		After Brown win, MSM decides it might be worth doing more to understand the Tea Party movement than just reading the most recent DNC press release  (weeklystandard.com)	(271)
		Keith Olbermann goes full retard, says Brown voters were just releasing their inner racists: "Is this vote to any degree just a euphemism the way state's rights was in the 60s?"  (hotair.com)	(281)
		Deadspin presents photos that suggest Venus Williams went commando. Submitter can't be certain, having stabbed his eyes out (maybe Not safe for work)  (deadspin.com)	(71)
		Heidi Montag takes her freshly mutilated body to Access Hollywood, despite being unable to offer any facial expressions: "I'm still readjusting to talking" (with vid)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(112)
(The Pulse)		Hospital decides to lead by example by hiring only healthy people, will employ only vegetarians with low cholesterol, blood pressure and body fat index. Just kidding, they're singling out those evil smokers  (chattanoogapulse.com)	(331)
		Soul Asylum is selling all their gear on Craigslist. It's expected to sell quickly to people who want to prevent Soul Asylum from ever using it again    (minneapolis.craigslist.org)	(93)

		12 widespread electric car myths. "Won't make you look like a huge dork" conspicuously absent  (planetgreen.discovery.com)	(295)
		DVR-proof commercial will prevent fast-forwarding, according to its creator, Hitler, Stalin and Dahmer Advertising Inc    (gawker.com)	(109)
(Spinner)		Premiere of the new Eels video and song, "End Times"  (spinner.com)	(21)
		Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig may be waddling into court over misleading ads  (msnbc.msn.com)	(62)
		Father of a teen who burned her face by falling face-first into KFC poutine during an epileptic seizure wants warning signs on the poutine. Because that would have prevented the injury  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(185)
		Brady center upset that President Obama has not sought violations of the United States Constitution  (thehill.com)	(304)
		"Nearly one year after he took the oath of office, the president Mr. Obama most closely resembles is Jimmy Carter"  (foxnews.com)	(335)
(Las Vegas Sun)		Kid Rock celebrates his 39th birthday in Vegas with a-paralyzed Iraq War vet. Now that's pretty cool, actually  (lasvegassun.com)	(48)

		Mark McGwire would appreciate it if everyone would stop talking about his steroids use  (stltoday.com)	(83)
		Green Lantern director says not to expect the crappy pre-Crisis on Infinite Earths Hal Jordan in his new movie  (chud.com)	(81)
		Piñera wins Chilean presidency, promises smaller government and delicious pastries/coffee  (ft.com)	(35)
		The average salary of Public University Presidents rose to $436,111 last year. Thank you for educating our new homeless population  (nytimes.com)	(75)
(NewEurope.eu)		Here's an article that grades President Obama's first year. The grading is done by a socialist progressive commie gay atheist European, so he just *has* to get a good grade, right?  (neurope.eu)	(130)
		Sith Lord Rupert Murdoch finds his apprentice: Prince Alwaleed bin Talal. "Help us, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope  (marketwatch.com)	(13)
		Leading heart surgeon, presumably dead inside, wants to ban butter to protect the nation's health. Could bacon be next?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(232)
		Haiti continues to be plagued by dela-OMG, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? PRINCE WILLIAM IS GOING BALD  (dailymail.co.uk)	(201)

		Two hecklers knock President Supercool off his game at political rally. Teleprompter got stuck on "Ask again later" and "Reply hazy, try again"  (hotair.com)	(441)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this fire suppression team  (s3.amazonaws.com)	(42)
		Smoke likes to hang with the NASCAR press corps, because standing next to Jimmy Spencer he appears fit  (sports.espn.go.com)	(18)
(Some Old Guy with a huge mortgage)		82-year-old snowmobiler prepares for 3700 mile trip. Seeing as how he is from MI, it is probably for a job interview  (mlive.com)	(53)
		Man who was driving around the world in his deep fryer oil-powered van arrested for terrorism, presumably for possessing weapons of mass biofuel production  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(95)
		With everyone in Briton snowed in, economists are predicting a baby boom this autumn. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Know what I mean, eh?  (telegraph.co.uk)	(52)
		The 1991 swimsuit spread in X-Men #1 was the beginning of the end for the mutant franchise. Yes, but you can't deny that seeing Psylocke and Rogue in swimsuits wasn't a stirring idea  (io9.com)	(112)
		Anger at U.S. builds in Haiti, presumably from the brazen use of our earthquake machine  (google.com)	(533)

		What are the odds that two people going to the same high school would be driving white Volvos and would hide the keys in the same spot? Pretty good, actually  (seacoastonline.com)	(86)
		English football and African football precede American football today. Its your EPL and Africa Cup of Nations discussion thread  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(76)
		Remember last week when Seattle offered Tony Dungy the job of team president? Reports now indicate that it was "clear tampering" since he is still under contract with the Colts  (indystar.com)	(21)
		Press corps dogpile Robert Gibbs over WH violations of promises of transparency  (youtube.com)	(101)

		Article explains how to tell the sex of a building. Of course, if you just go in the back door they're all pretty much the same    (telegraph.co.uk)	(67)
		Prepare to bow to your new herpetologic overlords: giant-ass goat-eating snake will cross breed with bad-tempered cousin, overrun Miami  (latimes.com)	(80)
		Karl Rove: Americans learned last year that President Obama discards campaign promises like most people discard used Kleenex  (online.wsj.com)	(213)
		10,000 U.S. troops to spread across Haiti, establish missionary position  (latimes.com)	(354)
		Rush Limbaugh says he will not back off his criticism of Obama's response to Haiti, because "everything is political to this president."  (politico.com)	(219)
		Two days after doing a brutal impression of Jay Leno on his show, Jimmy Kimmel goes on Leno's show and answers 10 questions. The carnage is so great it can only be classified as "epic win"  (tv.gawker.com)	(291)
		73 percent of Div 1-A college football head coaches prefer BCS to any sort of championship playoffs. After all, when you have a Weedeater Bowl trophy in your office, you're already a champion  (orlandosentinel.com)	(75)

		Quebec Premier, "noting that the Quebec-based Cirque du Soleil and Céline Dion have made their mark in the U.S. market," vows to forge broader ties with America  (montrealgazette.com)	(43)
		In attacking President Obama in defense of conservatism and the religious right, Glenn Beck quoted Thomas Jefferson: "question with boldness". The full Jefferson quote? "Question with boldness even the existence of a God."  (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)	(235)
		This explains why the Packers defense gave up 45 points; Defensive coordinator caught sleeping in press box  (bareknucks.com)	(33)
		Pregnant women can boost the intelligence of their babies by eating bacon and eggs. Oh bacon, is there ANYTHING you can't do?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(68)

		First, it was Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. Then, it was Sense & Sensibility & Sea Monsters. Now...it's Android Karenina  (shelf-life.ew.com)	(84)
		You know how Google (and pretty much everyone) provides information to US law enforcement? Yeah, that's what the Chinese hacked  (arstechnica.com)	(169)
		New research suggests that men are evolving faster than women; experts predict the ability to pick up one's own underwear off the floor should develop by the year 2025  (news.yahoo.com)	(148)
		Texas school board redefining history curriculum "He'll also ask the board to reconsider mentioning makeup entrepreneur Mary Kay Ash more often than Christopher Columbus in the curriculum standard." Wait....what?  (foxnews.com)	(165)
		BBC Article about Haiti earthquake that is written in a really odd past present future past tense that will have been making my head spin  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(67)
		Matthew Broderick gives go-ahead for "Ferris Bueller" remake. Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop watching shiatty remakes all the time, you might miss it  (movies.msn.com)	(101)
		Punxsutawney Phil to make this year's prediction via text message. 6 mr wks o brr. lol kthxbye11  (news.yahoo.com)	(60)
		President Obama plans on asking Congress for an even bigger war budget than President Bush. Suck it Nobel Committee  (news.yahoo.com)	(256)

		David Letterman gives us a preview of NBC's new show, "Law and Order: Leno Victims Unit"  (youtube.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		Miley Cyrus goes out for sushi with disappointed boyfriend who apparently misinterpreted her question  (angryape.com)	(63)
		Fears of premature explosion shut down Morehead port  (news.yahoo.com)	(41)
		Mystery object to use Earth as fire hydrant; presumably from Dog Star  (theglobeandmail.com)	(60)
		Former Bush DOJ lawyer and "torture memo" author John Yoo describing his many briefings with the President crafting the administration's views on what is and isn't torture: "I've never met the man."  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(72)
(NBC Sports)		Although the Dallas Cowboys were prepared to go crazy signing free agents in an uncapped year, winning their playoff game last weekend now puts restrictions on who they can sign  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(63)
		A couple of rednecks get their hands on a flooded out Harley and retool it into a pretty awesome 4 wheeler. No really, it's pretty freakin' awesome  (youtube.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)		Some Dolphins have developed a very impressive strategy to catch fish  (whazuup.eu)	(34)
		Ten of the coolest new toys from CES. A geekasm waiting to happen  (cnn.com)	(84)
(Some Guy)		Amish are exempt from Obamacare, American Idol premier. Lucky bastards  (watertowndailytimes.com)	(139)
		As if you needed yet another reason not to fly delta, baggage fees being raised. Presumably so they can lose your luggage at a profit    (cnn.com)	(100)
(TV Squad)		"Chuck" is back from the dead and looks to be staying alive as its two hour season premiere scores big ratings  (tvsquad.com)	(112)
		Milwaukee Bucks coach Scott Skiles hospitalized for heart problems, presumably due to witnessing the last 34 games the Bucks have played  (jsonline.com)	(16)

(Some Guy)		"Judge: Man Accused in Crossbow Death Not Competent." Well, except maybe for shooting a crossbow -- sounds like he's pretty good at that  (bellinghamherald.com)	(56)
		Summing up the whole Reid/Lott brouhaha in one sentence: "One guy is talking, perhaps inelegantly, about why he's wholeheartedly supporting our first black president; the other is wishing the country had elected a racist."  (salon.com)	(254)
		Today the House of Representatives' Wheel-O-Graft points the needle at Rep. Gary Ackerman (D-NYC) and his conveniently timed success in the stock market  (nydailynews.com)	(29)
		With a full tank of gas and half a pack of cigarettes, Sarah Palin was on a mission from God; presumably to get the band back together  (washingtonpost.com)	(174)

		The recent Arctic front has had an effect on bass. Les Claypool, Flea and Geddy Lee are taking extra precautions, but the White Stripes and the surviving members of the Doors have barely noticed  (statesman.com)	(20)
		"Avatar" wins its fourth weekend in a row, becoming the highest-grossing movie released in 2009, crushing newcomer "Daybreakers." Further proof that more Americans prefer their sci-fi good and their vampires sparkly and pale  (blogs.wsj.com)	(468)
		International Courts: U.S. must follow international law. U.S. Supreme Court: Suck it. USA. USA. USA  (upi.com)	(378)
		Superbear terrorizing Tahoe region is twice the size of a normal bear, bulletproof, evades traps and enters houses at will. Yeah, you're pretty much farked  (sfgate.com)	(212)

		Violent video games much worse for kids than porn, according to Ron Jeremy. Violent, pornographic video games presumably somewhere in the middle  (kotaku.com)	(64)
		McDonalds looks to cut cows' gas, presumably by feeding them some other company's food  (guardian.co.uk)	(40)
		Steve Forbes rips Ron Paul a new one and derides him as "nuttier than a Jiffy factory" over Audit the Fed Bill. Just kidding, "It seems pretty mild."  (forbes.com)	(45)
		Iranian President Ahmadinejad slams tiny fist down, demands compensation for WWI and WWII. No, seriously  (foxnews.com)	(193)
		Neanderthals were just metrosexuals at heart. With pre-waxing pic  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(22)
		Panasonic reveals 152-inch TV. Frank unimpressed  (popsci.com)	(66)
		Previously friendly pundits starting to turn on Obama; this time it's personal  (pajamasmedia.com)	(63)

		TSA guard who was responsible for the Newark airport security snafu described as a "model employee." Which pretty succinctly defines the problem  (nj.com)	(88)
		Robert Gibbs finally answers the most pressing question of the day: "I don't foresee a scenario in which millions people who hope to finally get some conclusion with 'Lost' are preempted by the president."  (huffingtonpost.com)	(60)
		Man plans to save President Obama from armed revolution by Mormon extremists, if they just let him out of jail  (mercurynews.com)	(69)
		What was missing from all the traumatizing and depressing scenes of "The Brave Little Toaster"? Some jaunty upbeat music to set the mood  (youtube.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		Former Oklahoma Representative Mickey Edwards (R) "I listened to my constituents. I took them seriously. They're just wrong."  (c-spanvideo.org)	(87)
		Overturned semi full of cattle stuck on median in Iowa. Hazardous conditions preventing rescue. Friday's Iowa headline: Huge Self-serve Frozen Beef Sale  (desmoinesregister.com)	(70)

		Celebrity psychiatrist attacked by white supremacist killer while visiting jail, reinforces the old adage "stay away from any guy with a swastika carved into his forehead"  (bostonherald.com)	(119)
		Porsches smack of success. Hondas preach practicality. And, according to a recent report, Chevys proudly proclaim of their owners, "I don't use the Internet"  (finance.yahoo.com)	(142)
		Today's talk radio poutrage? President Obama commissions 1984 style billboard in Times Square. Book it. Done  (foxnews.com)	(183)
		Yah mon, authorities want to apprehend the "Rasta Robber" who has the community locked in dread  (khou.com)	(28)
		Cops press charges against Dad for puting his seven year old in dryer. Police claim the kid's tag clearly states dry clean only  (foxnews.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)		After deciding it was too hard to dismantle for scrap metal, man decides to get rid of trailer by setting it on fire. "The man said he didn't have a plan to contain the fire, expecting the rain to prevent its spread"  (kitsapsun.com)	(17)
		Broke, dead-beat dad presumed dead after vanishing. Oh, did we mention he won $16.9 million in the lottery and wanted to move to Jamaica? Meh, that doesn't really factor into this. He's dead  (google.com)	(60)

		Vampire Weekend wants you to preview their upcoming release. Farkers will hate it for numerous reasons, mostly because it has nothing to do with Pink Floyd  (npr.org)	(63)
		Guillermo Del Toro's two-picture version of the Hobbit has a production schedule, and it involves unprecedented animatronics and the CGI tech used in Avatar. Get ready for awesomeness beyond your wildest dreams  (chud.com)	(153)
		Just 32 percent of voters believe their congressman is representing their best interests, while the other 68 percent aren't lobbyists for agriculture or defense industries  (rasmussenreports.com)	(26)
		Voters asked whether they'd like to give California a hand, prefer to give it a finger instead  (rasmussenreports.com)	(282)
		Obama opposes closing the locks on Chicago rivers to prevent Asian carp from entering the Great Lakes in his first major statement on immigration policy  (freep.com)	(86)
		Amy Winehouse's father is afraid that his daughter has given up her drug addiction for a shopping addiction. I'm pretty sure she's doing both, man  (contactmusic.com)	(18)
(Geekology)		Yet another Avatar thread, but this time it's not about all the money it has made. No, it's a forum for people depressed that a fictional movie is fictional  (avatar-forums.com)	(172)
(wbns)		Police investigation finds that cop who pretended to have cancer so he could collect more then $20,000 and 600 hours of sick leave didn't commit any crimes. In other news, Subby has cancer. Donations to the right  (10tv.com)	(113)

		Colbert interviews the US Olympic Curling Team. And yes, it's precisely what you expect  (colbertnation.com)	(71)
		Fourteen months after being the GOP candidate for President, John McCain now faces not winning the GOP Senate primary in Arizona because he's not conservative enough  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(144)
		Time Magazine calls out the President for not creating as many stars as he should have. A somewhat nebulous argument, i'm sure you'll agree  (time.com)	(33)
		Mr. Bean temporarilly stands in as Spanish president, world wonders how anybody noticed the difference  (telegraph.co.uk)	(21)
		In show business, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the execs who renewed "Law & Order" for a record-breaking 21st season and the viewers who say, "That show is still on?"  (aintitcool.com)	(183)
		Taoist truck driver guilty of "unlawful sexual intercourse under false pretences". That is not the way  (theregister.co.uk)	(117)
		President Obama announces that all airline passengers will be strapped to the wings of the plane to decrease security risks, feed gremlins    (cbsnews.com)	(42)

		Not news: three Christian missionaries preach against the evils of homosexuality in Uganda. News: as a result, Uganda passes a bill condemning homosexuals to death. Fark: the missionaries consulted on the bill  (nytimes.com)	(372)
		Columnist responds to hatemail: "You intuitively understand, letters written entirely in capitals impress with their intensity. I would advise you adopt this form of communication for all correspondence, particularly job applications"  (washingtonpost.com)	(227)
		Old news: Chia pets and pet rocks. New: Designer rings with live plants growing inside them instead of precious stones  (telegraph.co.uk)	(69)
		The Supreme Court needs to send a message that torture is strictly prohibited under the Constitution unless you're Jack Bauer and are only torturing because your motives are pure  (nytimes.com)	(63)
		Attention Tea-baggers: No matter how principled your disagreement with the administration's policies, that message gets lost when you express it by hanging an effigy of the president from a noose  (news.yahoo.com)	(322)
		10 foolproof predictions for the Internet in 2020  (networkworld.com)	(70)
		AV Club presents 18 songs about hating radio, at least half of which you only know because of airplay on radio  (avclub.com)	(76)
		Gamer pays $300,00 for virtual space station. His imaginary girlfriend is impressed  (videogames.yahoo.com)	(49)

		In the prehistoric era, young cave dwellers played on pinball machines; this man has 867 of them and wants to start a museum; dadgummit, I say it's a worthy cause, and get off my lawn  (washingtonpost.com)	(93)
		The Great Swine Flu Pandemic of 2009 which killed millions worldwide and plunged the world into chaos... yeah, it's pretty much a bust  (cbsnews.com)	(155)
		New Hampshire takes state sovereignty laws to a new level as it proposes charging feds with a felony for any attempt to override the state gun law  (examiner.com)	(65)
(Sphere)		The job market is so bad that even the man with the world's biggest penis can't find work, presumably because no one wants to have a giant dick working for them  (sphere.com)	(374)
		While some teams are content to act like the geldings they are, New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees says he will not sit out Week 17 in order to preserve what would be the best single season pass completion percentage ever  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(72)
		Evander Holyfield to fight for heavyweight title, presumably with his walker    (sportingnews.com)	(44)
(Missoulian)		Artists transform 4000 copies of white supremacist hate magazines into art exhibit that the authors will probably... hate  (missoulian.com)	(184)

		"The Mayo Clinic, praised by President Barack Obama as a national model for efficient health care, will stop accepting Medicare patients at one of its primary-care clinics."  (bloomberg.com)	(154)
		Psychic predictions for 2010 include Obama's assassination, Sarah Palin posing nude, and giant bats  (examiner.com)	(186)
		16-year-old disappears with his 42-year-old World of Warcraft soulmate (with pics that are pretty much what you'd expect)  (theglobeandmail.com)	(237)
		Oakland A's pitcher Justin Duchscherer battles deprechschion, says prechschure of profechschional baseball overcame him, has nothing to be achschamed of  (sfgate.com)	(12)
		Tigers C Gerald Laird arrested after brawl, presumed innocent since there's no farking way he hit could have hit anything  (670thescore.stats.com)	(13)
		They call themselves "preppers." You'll call them "batshiat insane."  (newsweek.com)	(466)

		Democrats move to change Presidential election rules. How conveeeenient  (thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com)	(144)
		While you were diverted with the holidays, the US Justice Dept gave Blackwater a Christmas present  (breitbart.com)	(187)
		Just a little preview of the in-farking-sane fireworks in Iceland on New Year's Eve  (youtube.com)	(27)
		Karl Rove has some harsh advice for President Obama's 2010  (online.wsj.com)	(139)
		Gunman kills five in shooting spree near Helsinki. He then shot himself, so the police believe his spree is Finnish  (telegraph.co.uk)	(105)
		If there were still 5 Best Picture nominees, they would be "Avatar," "The Hurt Locker," "Inglourious Basterds," "Precious," and "Up in the Air." The other nominees this year have no chance to win  (oscar-watch.ew.com)	(132)

(Some Cajun Stoner)		Dangerous pot grower apprehended in Bastrop, LA. With pic of what a marijuana farm may look like  (bastropenterprise.com)	(197)
		John Mayer says he needs to get back into the gym. Presumably within the next 26 minutes  (contactmusic.com)	(22)
		Mother sues jail for putting her precious snowflake near violent people who don't like sex offenders  (calgaryherald.com)	(243)
		The bleeding-heart ostriches of the left are blaming (who else?) cowboy George W. Bush for radicalizing poor, oppressed Yemenis. They'll never admit that it's time we disabled this jihadi revolving door  (townhall.com)	(174)
		Mynd you, concussions from falling møøse heads kan be pretty nasti  (abcnews.go.com)	(42)
		From the same folks who assured us that Sarah Palin was a viable vice-presidential candidate, here are the NRO editorial staff's political predictions for 2010  (article.nationalreview.com)	(134)
		Old: Unprotected sex might result in pregnancy, diseases. New: Participating in drum circles may give you anthrax  (nytimes.com)	(64)
(Some Leadfoot)		Conservative and liberal speeders agree, Barack Hussein Obama is the best president ever  (kitv.com)	(40)

		Female Outback Workers: Gender discrimination prevents us from managerial jobs. Female CEO: Bullshiat, but here's 19 million because shutting you up is cheaper than fighting you  (businessweek.com)	(75)
		Effect of Cocoa Products on Blood Pressure: Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Abstract: mmmmm  (nature.com)	(43)
		After a sleepless, overnight flight to Oslo to accept the Nobel Peace Prize earlier this month, President Barack Obama made a not altogether surprising admission. He was tired  (myfoxdc.com)	(90)
		Orly Taitz thinks "it might be a good time to start rallies and protests using our second amendment right to bare arms" against our "Kenyan, Indonesian communist usurper" President. Yeah, good luck with all that  (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(246)
		My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw the son of Obama's friend pass out in Hawaii last night. I guess it's pretty serious  (thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com)	(155)

		Just when you thought you had opened all of your presents, Tyra Banks says this is the last season for her show  (webn.com)	(54)
		You know that picture of President Kennedy on the boat with the naked girls? Yeah about that (image in link is NSFW)  (thesmokinggun.com)	(188)
		Precious snowflakes shoplifting a bra and jacket to give to Mommy for Christmas  (liveleak.com)	(29)
		Czechs Hungary to Pole the Communist Party out of elections, which they claim is abSerb and could Croat a bad precedent  (nytimes.com)	(123)
		"In a setback for U.S. interests in Central America, voters in Honduras elect, as their new president, Rod Blagojevich"  (miamiherald.com)	(47)

		White House spokesman Mike Hammer issues strongly-worded statement on Iran, their recent oppression of the masses, and their shortage of the kind of blonde who'd make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window, sport  (news.yahoo.com)	(142)
		Phillipines' Mayon volcano may be ready to blow. Scientists are pretty sure, because it is being really flirty and it is the second date, and going "all the way" is more of a fifth date type thing    (redorbit.com)	(18)
		Police in Texas looking for murder suspect described as a white supremacist named Bubba who drives a pickup with Republican party stickers. This shouldn't be difficult    (chron.com)	(185)
		Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper performing "Debbie Gibson Is Pregnant With My Two-Headed Love Child" on 120 Minutes in 1989  (youtube.com)	(30)
		Ohio Supreme Court rules 4th amendment protections now cover cellphones  (nytimes.com)	(178)
(Some Guy)		"Despite being completely false, the "dogs are worse than SUVs" meme has legs. It turned up recently in the Vancouver Sun, and then spread to internet meme factory Fark.com -- with a lively discussion in the comment section"  (daily.sightline.org)	(8)
(Sphere)		Pentagon building a real-life flying car as part of a new military program dubbed Transformer. Star Wars defense system not impressed  (sphere.com)	(75)
		Police forced to drop 'Christmas' from poster advertising their increased public presence over holidays in case it upsets atheists or other militants who can't bear to hear that people believe in religions other than theirs  (dailymail.co.uk)	(232)

		Where should a father take his reunited son he barely knows who speaks little English to avoid the press, c) Disney World on the busiest day of the year  (nydailynews.com)	(56)
		"Imagine the outrage if any Republican President went on vacation during a recession and spent $4,000 a night on accommodations." Hey, at least Dubya's 77 visits to Crawford were rent-free, right?  (newsbusters.org)	(167)
		A tugboat put in service to help prevent another oil spill disaster runs aground on the same reef the Exxon Valdez did  (abcnews.go.com)	(86)
		For those of you looking for a Christmas present, enjoy this December 1966 clip of Santa Claus meeting Batman and Robin as they scale a building. It just doesn't get any more Ho Ho Ho than that  (youtube.com)	(21)

		"That something is wrong in the Senate has begun to penetrate the DC establishment. Pressure on this might ease in the coming months as health-care reform has brought an unusual clarity and urgency to the chamber's dysfunctions"  (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(132)
		Radiohead wants to make "art without fear." Pretty sure they already did that with "In Rainbows"  (contactmusic.com)	(21)
		Jimmy Carter apologizes for his actions that offended Jews in the past. This has nothing to do with his grandson running for office. In a predominantly Jewish district. Nothing. Honest. Really  (foxnews.com)	(69)

		Duke Nukem (1996-2009) autopsy report finally released. Alien bastards elect George Broussard as Supreme Ruler of the Universe  (wired.com)	(86)
(CQ Politics)		In the hours before Parker Griffith flipped to the Republicans, he got them a Christmas present: Democratic voter ID  (blogs.cqpolitics.com)	(36)
		President Obama today: "I didn't campaign on the public option." Candidate Obama then: My plan "[o]ffers a public health insurance option"  (salon.com)	(287)
		Quentin Tarantino says he has about half the dialog for the opening scene of the prequel to "Inglorious Basterds." Which one can only hope is all about Hugo Stiglitz and how he became so badass  (moviesblog.mtv.com)	(97)
(PhillyBurbs)		Man visits neighbor twice asking for beer and later breaks into the neighbor's house to steal more beer, proving that Farkers can be pretty persistent when the need arises  (phillyburbs.com)	(38)
(Motley Fool)		Warren Buffett, who pretty much owns the U.S. economy, called to the mat by a reporter with a third-grade understanding of finance  (fool.com)	(39)
		Ex-Duke players on Indiana Pacers try to haze ex-UNC player Tyler Hansbrough with predictable results. Duke sucks  (aboverim.blogspot.com)	(60)
		To the shock and dismay of local officals, the straw goat set up by the city of Gavle Sweeden, has been burned to the ground -- just like the 24 previous straw goats. Still no word on when the "asbestos goat" tradition may start  (news.yahoo.com)	(54)
		Family that lives 18 miles from ocean finds baby seal in their yard, decides to consider it a Christmas present and name it Rudolph. "It looked like a huge slimy cat" (pics)  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(57)
		It's December 23rd, and you know what that means; it's time to put up the pole, prepare for the feats of strength. Happy Festivus, everyone; air your grievances to the right  (en.wikipedia.org)	(300)

		Freshman Dem congressman from VA: "My ultimate goal is not to get reelected. It's to know that I did the best damn job I could representing the people of the 5th District and making a difference."  (washingtonpost.com)	(107)
		Taylor Swift is not going to be the next Supergirl. Subby is going to preemptively say that this thread needs more Laura Vandervoort  (io9.com)	(84)
		Zoe Saldana prepared for her role in Avatar by being naked and muddy for three days. So there's that mental image for the rest of your day, you're welcome  (contactmusic.com)	(52)
		Quinn to courageously ride the bench for the remainder of the season. Which is pretty accurate, since it does take courage to watch a Browns game  (cleveland.com)	(32)
		Dognapping on the rise. Cat burglar unimpressed  (abcnews.go.com)	(86)
		Redskins coach on last night's "trick" play: "The play was unique enough to where I didn't think they saw what we were really trying to do and then they smelled it out pretty quickly"  (espn.go.com)	(90)
		Star Trek: #1 at the box office, #1 on torrent websites. Naturally, Paramount is pressuing the FCC to crack down on the websites  (io9.com)	(184)
		Poll conducted on what Americans want for Christmas is pretty ordinary: pair of boots, warm coat, submachine gun, supersonic jet. You know, the usual  (abcnews.go.com)	(230)
(Some Guy)		Poorly tattooed Asian Myspace dwarf-slut Tila Tequila announces she's pregnant with her brother's baby  (gabbybabble.celebuzz.com)	(131)
		Like those weirdos who prefer scratched vinyl records to CDs and gas-guzzling Hummers to hybrids, some people prefer the old-style trip-the-fuse-every-10-minutes Christmas lights  (3news.co.nz)	(89)
(Some Guy)		"The birthers, the militias, the lifers- it is unbearable to them for the presidency of Barack Obama to exist....the lying time is over....there will be a reckoning."  (thejoshuablogs.blogspot.com)	(277)
(Some Guy)		"Stripping provides an opportunity for me to spread some holiday cheer the way I know best: with my big knockers"  (thefrisky.com)	(237)
(Science Magazine)		President Obama will ask Congress to give NASA an additional $1 Billion next year for its manned spaceflight program  (blogs.sciencemag.org)	(158)

		U2 are under the impression their best work is ahead of them: "We all genuinely believe it. It's not arrogance. It's because we are still hungry. There's no reason why we can't do this"  (contactmusic.com)	(53)
		"Clash of the Titans" ordered to do some last minutes re-shoot to fix "some creaky parts". Presumably, all scenes involving Bubo or Liam Neeson  (contactmusic.com)	(74)
(Whatever)		SF writer John Scalzi reviews "Avatar," finds it visually impressive, and "unlike, say, George Lucas, Cameron actually does attempt to tell a story and to give his actors something else to do except stand there"  (whatever.scalzi.com)	(196)
		Business school decides to make a stop-motion video to express their values. Like most business school students, they fail to convey their message but make something interesting anyway  (liveleak.com)	(12)

		Israel admits harvesting organs from Palestinians who didn't need them any more. Predictably, the anti-semites are making this sound bad  (guardian.co.uk)	(520)
		Genius goes hunting boar while dressed in animal skins. It ended pretty much the way you would expect  (telegraph.co.uk)	(75)
		Sarah Palin, who believes that starting wars in the Middle East will make Jesus end the world quicker, claims that climate change theories represent humanity's "arrogance"  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(898)

(Huliq)		US General: You can fight for our freedom, just don't get pregnant or I'll throw your ass in prison  (huliq.com)	(356)
		Premature quadruplets beat the odds yet again when all four are accepted to Yale University  (nytimes.com)	(104)
		One of the most prolific sperm donors may hold the key to understanding genetics, presumably in his free hand  (newsweek.com)	(37)

		Players from an American junior hockey team kill a bat that flew into the arena. While Alice Cooper and Ozzy Osbourne may be impressed, naturally PETA is not  (cbc.ca)	(27)
		The coolest video of a singing house you've seen all day. Prepare to giggle. Bonus: Farker-made  (youtube.com)	(32)
		Attention last minute shoppers: "The Wii Supreme" is available only as a limited edition of three and can be yours for only $485,000  (foxnews.com)	(40)
		Stem cell therapy repairs damaged heart tissue after heart attack. Stem cell opponents presumably to opt out  (cnn.com)	(72)
		Nebraska's supreme court rules that owners whose dogs are playful and cause injury are not liable for damages. "No, my pit bull was just being playful when he bit that kid's face off."  (omaha.com)	(221)
		Former U.S. Representative James Traficant claims that he is "proud to be an ex-con" and that he's considering a return to politics. Meanwhile, the giant rodent which resides upon his head refused all press requests for a comment  (msnbc.msn.com)	(55)

		Nova Scotia premier sends a Christmas card with a photo of him and his spouse. Some people have a problem with this for some reason  (cbc.ca)	(108)
		Anti-whalers Sea Shepard complain because another ship is following them around, reporting their location and preventing them from closing in on their targets  (news.com.au)	(407)
(Petoskey News-Review)		Woman, 24, commits suicide by jumping off Mackinac Bridge in Michigan. "Apparently, she was depressed. That's the number one reason for suicide," says top-notch detective  (petoskeynews.com)	(155)
		A private Canadian company says it will plant 1,176 trees to offset the carbon emitted by Air Force One when it carries President Barack Obama to Copenhagen for the international climate conference  (cnsnews.com)	(240)
		"Liberals are turning against President Obama with an energy that until now has been reserved for Fox News viewers..."  (washingtonpost.com)	(318)
		High school newspaper does investigation that reveals that kids don't do drugs because of peer pressure, they do them because school sucks  (wtsp.com)	(85)
		Predator drone: $4.5 million. Off the shelf software: $26. Knowing the Iranians just hacked your high-tech surveillance with a program you can get at Best Buy: priceless  (foxnews.com)	(421)
		Hippie suspended from school for long hair. Pay no attention to the fact that :a) The kid is four years old, b) this is a Pre-K class, and c) this is Texas. With photo of what an extremist, anarchist, terrorist toddler may look like  (friscoblog.dallasnews.com)	(408)
(PressHerald.com)		The good news is you've weatherized your house so now you're only paying one third your previous energy cost. The bad news is now you'll need that money for your medical bills from all the bad air you're breathing in  (pressherald.mainetoday.com)	(49)
		Gloria Allred will be representing at least two of Tiger Woods' mistresses in what could soon become a class action suit  (guardian.co.uk)	(181)
		Catholics predictably pissed off about billboard ad that suggests the second coming might not have been all that great  (tools.themercury.com.au)	(212)
		By signing the Copenhagen Climate treaty, President Obama would be a violating the US Constitution  (foxnews.com)	(261)

		The prequel to 300 tentatively titled "Xerxes" and will be about the Battle of Marathon. Even though, at the time, Darius I was the ruler of Persia and Xerxes had nothing to do with the battle. THIS. IS. HISTORICALLY INACCURATE  (chud.com)	(168)
		Chilliest place in the Solar System ever measured by spacecraft found on the Moon, eclipsing the previous record held by your ex's cold, dark heart  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(115)
		Puget Sound residents should be preparing for "megathrust tremor swarms"...giggity  (sciencedaily.com)	(62)
		Car model does her impression of the U.S. automakers at Ford's unveiling of their new Fiesta  (dailymail.co.uk)	(73)
		If you could bring a person (real or fictional) from the past to the present for 48 hours, who would you choose and what would you do?  (google.com)	(610)
		Nearsightedness has increased since the 1970s, presumably because the Internet is for porn  (wired.com)	(91)

		Rihanna's highly publicized domestic violence account gave her an opportunity to show impressionable girls that women are not objects and should be respected. But that doesn't sell CDs so she's taking her clothes off  (music-mix.ew.com)	(66)
(Some Lyla)		Next summer, prepare to be underwhelmed by the next Oasis album, which will be different from the others in that Noel will not be present  (nme.com)	(10)
		Jesus prepares to receive Oral  (news.yahoo.com)	(913)
		Drinking tea and coffee 'can prevent Type 2 diabetes'... 1 large Caramel Brulee Frappuccino Blended Crème whip, please  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(122)
(WattsUpWithThat)		U.S. Department of Energy sends out "litigation hold notice" requiring employees to preserve all documents related to global warming research  (wattsupwiththat.com)	(170)
		"Up in the Air" and "Nine" lead in Golden Globe nominations with 6 and 5 respectively, which is pretty impressive considering, you know, neither one of them have been released yet  (cinematical.com)	(60)
		President Obama LOVES the caulk  (hosted.ap.org)	(192)
		Yesterday we found out that Al Gore predicted that polar ice caps would be gone by 2014 and that he had a large penis. Today we find out that he lied about the ice caps from the scientist he was quoting. The penis story is now also suspect  (foxnews.com)	(303)
(cinemablend.com)		Joss Whedon to release soundtrack based on commentary of DVD release of web-only miniseries musical. Fans hoping for pop-up book based on the soundtrack, and an interpretive dance series inspired by discarded script drafts  (cinemablend.com)	(39)
		Dallas Cowboys' experiment with showing the 2nd half of their game Sunday in 3D leaves fans nauseated and annoyed. Pretty much the same as if they'd watched the game in 2D, actually  (nfl.fanhouse.com)	(56)
		Notoriously easygoing director David O. Russell now attached to "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies", Lily Tomlin not expected to cameo  (examiner.com)	(28)

		White House computer technicians discover 22 million previously missing Bush administration emails despite having to use keyboards lacking "W" keys  (foxnews.com)	(258)
(Nashville City Paper)		He knocks on every single door in his district, steals seats at football games, trash-talks police, and demands membership in the black caucus: meet the representative the GOP really wishes you'd quit electing  (nashvillecitypaper.com)	(68)
		Nobel prize winner, former US Vice President, author, film maker, all-around nice guy with a huge penis, Al Gore: "Polar ice may be completely gone by 2014."  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(285)
		In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police who investigate crime and the batshiat insane district attorney that sees French Liberalism ruining Law & Order  (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(51)
		The nominees for Time's Person of the Year 2009 are Steve Jobs, Ben Bernanke, The Chinese Worker, Nancy Pelosi, Gen. Stanley McChrystal, Usain Bolt, and President Barack Obama. And subby, for saving you from another slideshow  (huffingtonpost.com)	(203)
		Prepare to have your dearest preconceptions utterly shattered - British kids have the best teeth in Europe  (economist.com)	(63)
		Three things Obama and Congress can do now to save jobs: Repeal sugar subsidies, end prevailing wage requirements, and reduce the minimum wage. They could also enact the Don't Hold Your Breath Act of 2009  (washingtonpost.com)	(395)
		Merry Christmas arrested; doesn't have presents of mind to beat the wrap  (palmbeachpost.com)	(45)
		Conductor tells a group of families that he is not their Polar Express train and the right train would come in ten minutes. The train never showed, so naturally "He ruined Christmas"  (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(133)
		The official Bishop for the British armed forces would just like to apologise for expressing his admiration for the Taliban  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(48)
		Priest dressed as Santa banned from delivering presents to children at an immigration asylum because some feared he was a security threat  (telegraph.co.uk)	(46)
		President Barack Obama gave himself "a good solid B-plus" grade for his first year in office, good thing his score on the U.S. Constitution Exam won't affect his GPA  (news.yahoo.com)	(624)

		Animated movie about a black princess that turns into a frog beats movie from Clint Eastwood about a black man that went from anti-apartheid activist to president. That's almost as bad as watching Twilight, America  (variety.com)	(155)
		Canada prepares to pull out military out of Afghanistan at end of 2011, agonizes about whether to airlift the rifle home or just leave it there  (nationalpost.com)	(181)
(Some Lonely Guy)		Newspaper letters to the editor pages can be so predictable; Obama this, b-b-b-but Bush that, old man yells at cloud, expect controversy when sex robots arrive -- wait, what?  (gazetteonline.com)	(114)
(Some Instrument of Doom)		Photoshop this preliminary Large Hadron Collider collision (while there's still time)  (atlas.ch)	(58)
		In observance of Morris Day's 52nd birthday, here's "The Bird" as interpreted by the Fukui Prefecture Special Wind Orchestra  (youtube.com)	(26)
		"The Sell Your Unwanted Gold ads infuriate me. Who has unwanted gold? Do you sit around the house thinking, 'What the hell am I going to do with all this precious metal cluttering up the place? It's SUCH a nuisance'"  (dailystar.co.uk)	(86)
		News: President Obama wishes everyone a happy Hanukkah. Fark: Immediately, the Birthers claim he was born in Israel. Total Fark: This is not from the Onion  (huffingtonpost.com)	(134)

		Latest "Law & Order" episode calls right-wing pundits "a cancer spreading ignorance and hate"; naturally, Bill O'Reilly has a problem with this  (huffingtonpost.com)	(185)
		Brian Cox teaches Hamlet's soliloquy to a 2 year-old.....so that's pretty much awesome  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)	(55)
		Photoshop this woman under pressure  (online.wsj.com)	(46)
		"The Middle East represents a vast, largely untapped market for Internet businesses, according to industry experts. So what's holding everyone back?" Obvious tag has been living in a cave with Osama  (cnn.com)	(23)
		REMINDER- Greensboro Fark Party tonight LGT previous thread  (fark.com)	(40)
(Some Guy)		Teen gang thugs attack and and attempt to disarm police officer, get nine months. Nine months pregnant woman to the rescue, that is (with glorious video)  (krgv.com)	(189)
		Actual Headline: Christmas tree farmer expects pre-holiday rush. Quick, to the Romerocopter  (cbc.ca)	(39)
		The Ecclesiastical Insurance Carol Singing Guide would like to remind you that, as you spread your holiday message of good tidings and cheer, you should not sing in the middle of the street and, please, try to avoid setting yourself on fire  (telegraph.co.uk)	(12)
		Every forklift driver knows that when you're moving a heavy object,, you keep the forks low prevent it from toppling. Shame they don't teach the same thing to paramedics  (dailymail.co.uk)	(91)

		Neal Boortz "Well said, Mr. President"  (boortz.com)	(265)
(some MIT scientists)		MIT project aims to reinvent AI. Prepare to welcome robot overloards, hide Sarah Connor  (web.mit.edu)	(50)
(Some Guy)		Today: China offers $1,465 for each link to porn. Tomorrow before breakfast: Pretty much the entire world economy is in the hand of Farkers  (tomsguide.com)	(136)
		After decades of following the Republican mantra of "let the market handle itself", the GAO and FCC decide it's time for some good old-fashioned oppressive government regulation of wireless carriers' business practices  (consumerist.com)	(85)
		If you have the body of former Cyprus president Tassos Papadopoulos, that's pretty cool. Also, the police would like to speak with you  (theglobeandmail.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)		Middle-school boy and girl weren't blowing off class, just preparing for oral exam, trying to get ahead in school  (failuremag.com)	(215)
		Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Natalie Portman  (gawker.com)	(108)

		81% of Fox News readers fail at reading comprehension  (wonkette.com)	(158)
		GOP is planning to undermine the President of the United States on the world stage. Now that's Patrioticism  (foxnews.com)	(686)
		If you needed more of a reason Weird Al is awesome, here he is preforming "I Bleed" with the Pixies  (youtube.com)	(46)
		Elin to stay with Tiger "for the kids", which is trophy-wife code for "we have a prenup and I'll only get $20 million of his $1 billion"  (nydailynews.com)	(127)
(Redding Record Searchlight)		California teabagger attempts to spread Christmas cheer by proposing a law that would force public schools to sing carols  (redding.com)	(488)
		Julian Casablancas doubts The Strokes will return to the studio, presumably because they ran out of one-chord songs to record  (contactmusic.com)	(16)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop your 2010 predictions  (horribleville.com)	(52)
		Chemical compound found in hops may prevent prostate cancer. It probably doesn't, but drink your beer, just to be on the safe side  (usatoday.com)	(44)

(Some Dude)		Prepare to laugh yourself stupid: Kent Hovind's doctoral dissertation is up on Wikileaks  (wikileaks.org)	(248)
(Flavorwire)		It's hard to admit, but what some people thought would be "The Jimmy Fallon Nervous Giggle and Awkward Audience Silence Hour" has actually turned out to be pretty cool  (flavorwire.com)	(92)
		The most beautiful song you'll hear today: Cloud Cult performing "Pretty Voice" live  (youtube.com)	(32)
		Rumors abound that John Malkovich may join the Spider-Man 4 cast as the Vulture, and Anne Hathaway as his apprentice  (io9.com)	(72)
		In an op-ed, Sarah Palin "wrote" that the President should boycott Copenhagen because she's "always believed that policy should be based on sound science, not politics." Sound science, like the Bible  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(299)
		New AOL has a tough fight says new president, Kenneth the intern  (money.cnn.com)	(38)
		Media admits they're very, very thankful for their early present this holiday season: "God bless Tiger"  (blogs.news.sky.com)	(29)
(La Crosse Tribune)		A blood-alcohol level of .39 will do a number on anyone's liver, but what's really impressive is that this guy did it with a loaner  (lacrossetribune.com)	(85)
		'The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus' premieres in NYC with a stunning Lily Cole and a scary disgruntled gnome (with pics)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(65)
		It's the time of year when psychologists analyze fictional characters. in this installment, we discover that the Grinch suffered from depression and that some PhDs have too much time on their hands  (physorg.com)	(43)
		"I'm sorry I said Obama purposefully preempted A Charlie Brown Christmas. But I still think he's a Muslim"  (msnbc.msn.com)	(122)

		Real-life Edward scissorhands invents "The Clawz" That cuts hair twice as fast: "Customers are a bit apprehensive at first when they see my smiling face with my razor sharp fingers"  (thesun.co.uk)	(85)
		Economic numbers continue to decline as...OMG, SUSAN SARANDON WEARS FLATS TO MOVIE PREMIERE  (dailymail.co.uk)	(35)
		"I realize nothing I do or say will stop the annual ritual [of tech predictions]. So since I can't beat 'em, I may as well join them...Facebook...becomes a UN-recognized nation."  (betanews.com)	(16)
		Liberal President gives liberal speech on liberal policies at liberal think-tank to liberal crowd, is covered by liberal media. It's like the Bush years all over again, but in Bizarro world  (guardian.co.uk)	(113)
		President Obama settles lawsuit with American Indians, resulting in $1.4 billion dollar payout. In other news, plans for the new Hopenchange Casino moving forward  (abcnews.go.com)	(103)
		Carrier Prejean won't appear in show at midnight because it conflicts with her Christian image. Either that, or she doesn't want people to see the fangs and facial hair she develops  (nypost.com)	(77)
		British scientists say they've discovered the musty odor produced by old books can be used to assess the book's condition and help preserve it, plan to try the same thing on British food  (upi.com)	(22)
(News-Tribune)		Man appeals his case all the way to state supreme court and wins, after lady cop falsely tickets him for driving the wrong way on the freeway  (thenewstribune.com)	(192)
		Iran's president has documented evidence the U.S. is blocking the return of the Twelfth Imam, mankind's savior. Or maybe that was 'demented evidence'  (foxnews.com)	(116)
		New research shows the fundamental logic of the universe is based on circles, not, as was previously suspected, on a simultaneous 4-day time cube  (nytimes.com)	(75)

		What happens when a bunch of idiots don Pac-Man costumes and run around public places imitating Pac-Man gameplay? The following video will give you a pretty good idea  (liveleak.com)	(51)
		"Stand next to a small Tesla coil and try not to be impressed. Stand next to a large one and try not to be incontinent."  (thesun.co.uk)	(31)
		Struggling to decide on a Christmas present for your wife this year? Have you considered paying someone to shove a large refrigerated metal device into her genitals?  (gawker.com)	(125)
		United States Supreme Court seeks to crush the SarbOx oversight board and return American corporate governance to the Halcyon days of Enron  (reuters.com)	(75)
		Flyover country prepares for first massive blizzard of the season that could ground midwest economy to halt, at cost of dozens of dollars a day  (upi.com)	(68)

		You know how some older folks claim scientists predicted a coming ice age back in the '70s, while others insist either that never happened or it was just a few fringe kooks? Yeah, about that  (forbes.com)	(436)
		U.S. Air Force ends ban on recruits with tattoos on their saluting arms, admitting yeah, they'll pretty much take whatever they can get these days  (guardian.co.uk)	(374)
		Florida coach Urban Meyer hospitalized for dehydration. If only the Gators had access to a beverage to prevent this  (sports.espn.go.com)	(51)
(Honolulu Advertiser)		Surf pros prepare for the Eddie Aikau Big Wave contest in Hawaii, held only when waves are 20+ feet - because 50-foot "kiss your beach house goodbye" surf is forecast this week  (honoluluadvertiser.com)	(26)
		ABC News to Obama: How can we kiss your ass, Mr. President?  (dailykos.com)	(286)
		Some Conservatives want Cheney to have a third term as President  (chicagotribune.com)	(114)
		The video representation of every dating website result (consider it not safe for work)  (youtube.com)	(26)

		If you notice an eight-foot red weather balloon today while you're driving around, please let Fark know (Last reminder for anyone who missed the previous threads)  (fark.com)	(555)
(Eagle Tribune)		Class President, straight-A student who is "rather cocky in my intelligence, and ... definitely an intellectual elitist" reveals just how colossally stupid he is  (eagletribune.com)	(278)
		Time runs out for Chinese immigrant as U.S. prepares to send him back. We know there will be forced breeding, but it's time  (hosted.ap.org)	(18)
		Douchebag White House Press Secretary is a douchebag to douchebag reporter who asks douchebag question  (youtube.com)	(78)
		Roger Ebert: "New Agers and Creationists should not be President"  (blogs.suntimes.com)	(226)
		25% of borrowers helped under Obama's massive foreclosure prevention plan have already fallen behind on their new mortgage payments  (washingtonpost.com)	(194)
		And then there was one. Florida/Alabama, Cincy/Pitt and a slew of other games no one cares about. It's your last pre-bowl college football discussion thread  (rivals.yahoo.com)	(2868)
		"The carbon footprint of the global warming summit will be the only impressive consequence of the climate-change meeting"  (washingtonpost.com)	(91)
		Contrary to what the fearmongering Obamabots would have you believe, the president hasn't received more threats than his predecessors  (weeklystandard.com)	(85)
(Some Guy)		Why "The Office" has turned into the most depressing show on television  (theawl.com)	(115)
(Some Farker)		Local police cordoned off the area in preparation for the Christmas parade. Reckless train driver refuses to alter his course to avoid police cruiser  (johnsoncitypress.com)	(38)

		Democrats in Congress: Hey, we'd like to co-sponsor your joke amendment to the health reform bill forcing Congress onto the public option, because we think the public option is actually pretty good. Republicans: Psych  (thinkprogress.org)	(162)
		Aetna throws 600,000 to the wolves, jack up premiums on everyone else due to "insufficient profits." Your free market at work, citizen  (dailykos.com)	(194)
		Lou Dobbs: "Who the hell does the President think he is?" Ummm.... the President?  (huffingtonpost.com)	(81)
(Some [Guy])		[Kremlin] reports that a [US gov't] airplane piloted by [CIA agents] and carrying a cargo of [mutated swine flu virus] was [shot down] at [Shanghai airport] by [Israeli Mossad saboteurs], [preventing] an attack on [bases in Kyrgyzstan]  (preventdisease.com)	(255)
		Mayor of Tennessee town says Obama's Afghanistan speech was timed to pre-empt Charlie Brown. And that he's a Muslim. And everyone who supports him should move to a Muslim country  (myfoxmemphis.com)	(332)
		Peaches joins James Brown, The Strokes and Aerosmith as Harvard Lampoon honorary member. Shaving clearly isn't a prerequisite  (idolator.com)	(31)
		Senate Democrats seek to strip protection for citizen journalism from press shield law  (hotair.com)	(163)
		Botanists prove for the first time that plants are carnivorous predators who kill insects in order to self-fertilise. John Wyndham predicted this  (telegraph.co.uk)	(20)
		Why we get to enjoy the musings of talented dopes: "Pretty much anything Bono or Sean Penn writes is a festival of crap that would never be tolerated from another contributor"  (gawker.com)	(11)
		Sarah Palin's presidential campaign will focus on substantive policy issues. Just kidding: she's already talking secret Muslim conspiracy. In Alaska, you can see Palin/Taitz 2012 campaign signs from your porch  (politico.com)	(317)

		New Gingrich supports the President's decision for a troop surge. Not a repeat from 2007. Seriously, its not  (finance.yahoo.com)	(161)
		"There weren't a lot of surprises in President Obama's Afghanistan speech last night, but here's one: The president quietly repudiated the myth that Iraq has nothing to do with al Qaeda."  (online.wsj.com)	(230)
		Hard to believe ten years ago everyone was worried about Y2K. Now, here we are, ready for 2010. Here are some millenial predictions that were right and wrong  (io9.com)	(83)
		After realizing just how much bad press they received after the Black Friday HDTV debacle, Fry's says it will offer customers who lost out on the deal another chance at buying the TV  (consumerist.com)	(29)
		Karl Rove: "President Barack Obama's speech on Tuesday night deserves to be cheered." Wait. What?  (online.wsj.com)	(147)
		Why buying Christmas presents for other people is stupid and a waste of money if you look at it from an economic point of view. And this economist has spent 15 years doing just that  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(42)
(WA Today)		Australian nursing tribunal confirms that "getting stoned and getting laid" is not on the approved list of depression treatments  (watoday.com.au)	(49)

		Obama to welcome president of Lebanon to White House later this month. No word yet if Obama will bow to the guy or curtsey or just throw himself flat at his feet  (uk.news.yahoo.com)	(227)
		Police can't decide if death of Iranian whistleblower was murder or suicide. Because lots of folks like a whole bottle of blood pressure medication on their salad  (breitbart.com)	(50)
(W S J)		"The oldest I've seen commonly is six to eight years. Fifteen-year cheeses, those are pretty rare."  (host.madison.com)	(35)
		Glenn Greenwald discovers that a blank slate candidate who runs on vagueries one can read whatever one wants into produces a blank slate president who governs by vagueries one can read whatever one wants into  (salon.com)	(99)
		Oregon scientists work like crazy for 11 years, solve mystery of brain cell glutamate receptor structure. "I am not sure whether non-crystallographers can truly appreciate what an astonishing tour-de-force this is"  (oregonlive.com)	(65)
		Hottie claims heroin drove her to crime spree while she worked as Queen's royal harpist (pic)  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(166)
		In the aftermath of his speech at West Point, President Obama is facing a new reality  (politico.com)	(364)
		Golf Digest's current cover: "10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger." Includes: Be a good role model, be able to pull yourself together after setbacks, be agile with the press, and never do anything that would make you look ridiculous  (slate.com)	(31)
		Man files human rights lawsuit after store bars him from bringing his service animal inside. It's a chihuahua. It's for his depression  (cbc.ca)	(198)
		"In 1872, the NY Times published two dozen letters on the subject of scrapple, a steampunk prototype for online food discussion. It's all there: the pseudonymous usernames, off-topic ranting, and preoccupation with pork fat."  (dinersjournal.blogs.nytimes.com)	(221)

(Some Guy)		Ouch: "Obama is not Bush. More and more, he seems like a continuation of Bush by other means. If anything, he is even more convinced than his divinely guided predecessor that he holds the truth in his hands"  (thedailybeast.com)	(386)
(Some Santa)		Jingle Bells, gifting's swell, spread some Christmas cheer / Buy a gift for a foster kid and feel warm & fuzzy all year (Link goes to wishlist)  (amazon.com)	(135)
		Harlan Ellison wants to work on "Star Trek 2". Paramount suggests a red