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138 headlines found matching 'Pleas'
Wed January 17, 2018
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Kansas City)
 
 
 
Missing: 1 Missouri governor, accused of blackmailing his former mistress. If found, please point and say, "HaHA"
source: kansascity.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon January 15, 2018
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
I'll have OnePlus fraud, please
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
If Trump fires Mueller, the GOP is probably going to do nothing, and let him do as he pleases. The reason? The GOP base has moved closer to Trump, instead of being pushed away in disgust at his actions
source: nymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
Get on cruise ship, aware it is heading into "bomb cyclone". Experience "bomb cyclone" on cruise ship. Whine online about unpleasant "bomb cyclone' experience on cruise ship. Demand refund. Whine online about how unfair the cruise line is
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun January 14, 2018
(The Motley Fool)
 
 
 
Paging Ric Romero to the Business tab. Ric Romero, please report to the Business tab ... and bring the Obvious tag with you
source: fool.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sky.com)
 
 
 
"This is your Captain speaking, we apologize for the rough landing, but we are safely on the ground. Please now close your window to avoid seeing the side of the cliff we are hanging off and we hope you had a pleasant flight"
source: news.sky.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat January 13, 2018
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
The TSA would like to remind you that lithium batteries, flammable liquids, and cats should not be put in your checked luggage
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri January 12, 2018
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Will Donnie Two Scoop pull his head from his shiathole? Will Congress do something instead of ignore him? Will Mueller please just start dropping indictments? THIS is your Trump administration scandal rumor/speculation thread (~5PM news drop)
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Pleasingly slim Mama June touches down in LAX, sports Under Armour workout gear, platinum blonde locks, and new beau. That's TLC money well spent
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue January 09, 2018
(Komo)
 
 
 
Please note: your cunning plan of having someone hide your illegal guns may be overheard by police, especially if you're talking about on the phone from your jail cell
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Please stand clear of the gaping hole where the Monorail's doors should be
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
American's credit card debt hits new record, beating the 2008 pre-crash high. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, though. I'll just have another eight dollar latte. Yes, put it on my card, please
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon January 08, 2018
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
When JFK has a meltdown and you're about to lose your mind, somehow watching this very pleasant flight attendant just doing his job is the balm you need to keep going
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Someone who reads Fark has dispatched a spider in the correct fashion. If it's a Farker, please step forward and grab your 15 minutes
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Dear Mr. Mueller: Please excuse Donald from being interviewed by you. He is totally innocent and denies any collusion with Russia or obstruction of justice. Signed, Trumpy's Mom
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lehigh Valley Live)
 
 
 
Highly decorated Green Beret dies in Afghanistan. He enlisted shortly after moving to America from Riga, Latvia. He had been serving since 2005. Moment of silence please
source: lehighvalleylive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun January 07, 2018
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Got a song stuck in your head? Come share your earworm pain with the rest of the Sunday Morning Music Club. Oh, and could someone please explain how feeling like a room without a roof is supposed to make someone happy?
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri January 05, 2018
(Fresno Bee)
 
Audio
 
Ear bleach, please
source: fresnobee.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu January 04, 2018
(Deslidefied)
 
 
 
47 jokes that are so bad they are good. Your own to the right, please
source: deslide.clusterfake.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed January 03, 2018
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Joke cryptocurrencies are making real profit. In other news, if you're interested in getting in on the ground floor of FarkCoin mining, please contact a mod
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue January 02, 2018
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
"Hi. This afternoon a Red Belly slithered up into your front left tyre. Please be careful". Australian venomous snake trifecta in play
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deslidefied)
 
 
 
100 movies you need to see at least once. Grab the popcorn (deslided for your pleasure)
source: deslide.clusterfake.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Farkers visiting the Great Barrier Reef, please avoid fapping, we don't need your contribution to the coral sperm bank
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon January 01, 2018
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Ribbit for her pleasure
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun December 31, 2017
(Politico)
 
 
 
Has anybody seen Trump's cabinet? If anybody knows where they are, please inform somebody, so we can know what they're up to
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat December 30, 2017
(KPTV Portland)
 
 
 
Police find 110 bags of crack inside man's intestines. Won't somebody please think of the chitlins?
source: kptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri December 29, 2017
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Police: Please don't celebrate New Year's by randomly shooting at the sky
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue December 26, 2017
(Billings Gazette)
 
 
 
Click link. Mods please make link submission thingee easier to use while drivi
source: billingsgazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Traces of Noah's Ark found in Turkey. Please pass the gravy
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun December 24, 2017
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Will the real reborn Jesus please step forward so we can write off the rest of these heathens from around the world?
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Crunch)
 
 
 
Elizabeth Holmes: "I dress like Steve Jobs." World: "Take our money, please"
source: techcrunch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri December 22, 2017
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Ken Ham calls out Fox News, among others, for lying and misrepresenting facts. Subby is so confused. Please hold me
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed December 20, 2017
(Twitter)
 
 
 
"Please state the nature of the Christmas decorating emergency"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue December 19, 2017
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Subby needs a ruling here: is doing surreal stuff like watching TV while wearing a sock puppet on one hand and having conversations with it more of a "desperate cry for attention" or "pleasantly whimsical?"
source: materialsforthearts.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Townhall)
 
 
 
The editor of Townhall rushes in to your cubicle and tells you this shiatty article "11 things every Real Conservative should ask on a first date" is not odious enough and needs a #12, please direct your help to the right
source: townhall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
"Hello. We are the Brussels Sprout Police. You have been accused of eating seven sprouts, 1 above the legal amount. Please do not resist and come with us down to the station"
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon December 18, 2017
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Please note: calling the police to raid your own house may have consequences
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
A review of Eminem's new album: "Will the real Slim Shady please grow up?"
source: avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun December 17, 2017
(NBC 2 Fort Myers)
 
 
 
Hello, 911? Yeah, I'm stuck in a chimney. Well, it's not my chimney. Um, can we not go into that? Also, please don't send the cops
source: nbc-2.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri December 15, 2017
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Attention black women. Omarosa has hereby called you to service to support her in the coming Black Woman Civil War. Please report as soon as you are able to...wherever it is you all report to
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(In Touch Weekly)
 
 
 
Surprisingly, some residents of Dryden, NY, seem to take issue with Investigation Discovery calling their community the Village of the Damned. Even though there were a series of grisly murders in the Dryden area in the 1980's and 1990's
source: intouchweekly.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu December 14, 2017
(CNBC)
 
NewsFlash
 
FCC votes to (Please pay $5 to read rest of the headline)
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed December 13, 2017
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Trey Gowdy, head of House Oversight Committee: "Sorry, I can't hear your pleas to investigate the president for sexually abusing women over the sound of all these Benghazi investigations I'm leading"
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Biden takes time out from working on his Trans Am to console Meghan McCain on her father's cancer diagnosis. Please excuse subby, he's got something in his eyes
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon December 11, 2017
(Mother Jones)
 
 
 
Please minions, think of America's 15 richest families and the burden they'll have to bear when we repeal the estate tax
source: motherjones.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rolling Stone)
 
 
 
It's the 45th anniversary of Roxy Music's debut album, so naturally we're getting a deluxe reissue packed with live takes, demos, and other previously unreleased gems, all for your pleasure
source: rollingstone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat December 09, 2017
(NPR)
 
 
 
"Millennial" is new "N-word." Millennial, please
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Dear Jesus, please let us war start to kill off all the bad people Mommy and Daddy hate. But if you can help my mouse Whiskers feel better, that would be great. God bless Momma, God Bless Daddy, God bless Whiskers, and God Bless Merica. Amen
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed December 06, 2017
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Cops: Don't stop, please shoot
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue December 05, 2017
(AP News)
 
 
 
If you can read this headline, please step forward. Not so fast, Californians
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
The Huckster: THE INVESTIGATION IS ALMOST OVER, IGNORE IT
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
PSA: To all police agencies please note that it has been determined that wild animals such as moose will refuse to follow traffic signals thereby causing road havoc
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon December 04, 2017
(CTV News)
 
 
 
No guns please, we're Canadian
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat December 02, 2017
(TSN)
 
 
 
12 games on tap today for your hockey viewing pleasure. 2 'early' games (1 & 6pm ET) & the rest with the usual early evening cluster. The one late game (10pm) could be interesting as it's part of the season's Battle for Alberta. FARK CANCER, SUP, ETC
source: tsn.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
McDonald's, where billions are served. Well, except you, because you are wearing a Hijab
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri December 01, 2017
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Attention: Rex Tillerson is retroactively not "only the best people", but a deep state RINO who Our glorious leader will purge in his effort to Make America Great Again. Please update all arguments and talking points accordingly
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu November 30, 2017
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Johnny Manziel cleared of domestic violence charge after using affluenza defense
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Tony Hovater is upset that he was called the Nazi sympathizer next door. He wants everyone to know that he Tony Hovater is not a Nazi sympathizer next door and would the please stop call him, Tony Hovater the Nazi sympathizer next door
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed November 29, 2017
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Artifacts from King Tut's tomb set for international tour. Paging Steve Martin, Steve Martin to the SNL main stage please
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue November 28, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Dear Leader, please work on your PR skills. Signed, Best Korea
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon November 27, 2017
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
If anybody knows what happened to all the methylmercury that used to be concentrated in the Great Salt Lake, please contact your local scientist
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat November 25, 2017
(Metro)
 
 
 
Drunks can at least take pleasure knowing there are four addictive substances in the world worse than their precious alcohol. If that's any consolation
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed November 22, 2017
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Please note: while the Supreme Court has ruled that burning the flag of the United States is protected speech, you can't just run around setting other people's flags on fire
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu November 16, 2017
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Tuesday: Zimbabwe youth "ready to die" for Mugabe. Wednesday: Wait, I might die too? Thursday: The handsome and successful military is here to help, please turn over your dissidents
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed November 15, 2017
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Papa John: I'm sorry you were offended by the stupid crap I said, please buy my crappy pizza
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Rep Karen Bass: Please name any "black identity extremist group" cited in a report by the FBI. Foghorn Sessions: I can't, but I'm certain they exist. Rep: Why isn't there a report on "white identity extremists?" Foghorn: What are those?
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue November 14, 2017
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
And now for your viewing pleasure here's Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom's sacrifice scene done with LEGO Ewoks
source: io9.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Anyone have any new, cool go to websites? Mine are fark, FB, twitter, reddit.....just looking for some new ideas, facebook and twitter are cesspools anymore. Someone please post zombo.com early, so we can get that out of the way
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon November 13, 2017
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Whoever's going to Russia for the World Cup in 2018, please step forward. Not so fast, Italy
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat November 11, 2017
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
"Umm... has anyone seen our Prime Minister? We'd really hate to, you know, set off a war across the entire Middle East over it, so if you have, like, seen him, please send him back home. Kthanksbye"
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri November 10, 2017
(Politico)
 
 
 
The GOP civil war is proceeding as planned. This will greatly please the next gathering of the Antifa Supersoldiers
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Man learns unpleasant fact: cockroaches, like earwigs, can't move backwards
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu November 09, 2017
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
It's okay to hold your lighter in the air at a concert when Gun N' Roses plays your favorite song, but please don't do it on a plane that's trying to land
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Deutsche Bank CEO: Robots are going to take your jobs, especially those of accountants. Please, will somebody think about the accountants
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed November 08, 2017
(Donald J. Trump)
 
 
 
Actual Trump job satisfaction survey: "1. How would you rate President Trump's job performance so far? A) Great B) Good C) Okay D) Other. 2 (Optional) Please explain...". That's the survey and the joke
source: action.donaldjtrump.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Donald Trump called Senate Democrats Tuesday saying he would personally "get killed" financially by the GOP tax bill and would only benefit if it repealed the estate tax. So please pass it. Mmmkay?
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue November 07, 2017
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Apparently Omarosa thought that a perk of being a White House staffer was you could drop by unannounced and have a killer backdrop for your wedding party photos. A displeased Secret Service quickly disabused her of that notion, however
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon November 06, 2017
(Vulture)
 
 
 
Marilyn Manson would like some attention please, thank you
source: vulture.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Please note: the only people who want you to buy gold coins are Glenn Beck and the guy who knows the combination to your safe
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat November 04, 2017
(Slate)
 
 
 
Mueller shows how the game is played
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu November 02, 2017
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Remember that time when you tried to poison your husband, but accidentally killed 17 members of his family instead? Yeah, that was awkward
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed November 01, 2017
(US House of Representatives)
 
 
 
For your afternoon viewing pleasure, 14 of the Russian ad buys on Facebook released
source: democrats-intelligence.house.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Welcome to the most peaceful place on the Internets, please be civil and think of the clouds
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
It's better to be a true materialist instead of a true consumerist because at least a materialist takes pleasure in what he or she already owns
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue October 31, 2017
(Amazon)
 
 
 
Quick Discussion: Please post photos of the most creative or funny Halloween costume you've ever seen. Appropriate. Not appropriate. You decide
source: amazon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(C-SPAN)
 
 
 
We're sorry for the late thread, but for your viewing pleasure, please enjoy the executives of the many social media sites get their asses chewed out over Russian ad buys (Hearing on-going now)
source: c-span.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon October 30, 2017
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Braaaaaaaaaaa.... please visit our town... aaaaaaaaaaaains
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Please responsibly recycle your bear cubs; don't toss them in the dumpster
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun October 29, 2017
(Fansided)
 
 
 
Who will be the familiar face Rick sees? Will the alliance of Kingdom, Hilltop, and Alexandria finally enact their plan to overthrow Negan? Will someone please just kill Father Gabriel already? Find out in The Damned. The Walking Dead, 9pm ET on AMC
source: fansided.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat October 28, 2017
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
With Halloween almost upon us, please remember to stock up on bandages before attempting this with your favorite feline on Caturday
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Is this the end of single-player video games? How the growing popularity of MMOs and esports could mean the end of...[to access rest of headline, please download DLC]
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri October 27, 2017
(The Age (Melbourne))
 
 
 
Getting a sex change is all fine and good, however having it done in a motel room by an aircraft engineer who answered your online ad is another thing
source: theage.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue October 24, 2017
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the President of the United States of America. Take him, please
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Subby has been asked by his friend to be part of a Halloween parade attraction where they will dress as clowns. I can be as creative as I want with this? Should I dress scary, funny, colorful, etc.? Your thoughts, please
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Task and Purpose)
 
 
 
In which President Trump learns about "Undue Command Influence" on the military judicial process
source: taskandpurpose.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun October 22, 2017
(NBC News)
 
 
 
4'X4' mosaic from one of Emperor Caligula's "pleasure ships" repatriated to Italy after authorities discover it serving as a coffee table top in NYC woman's apartment
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat October 21, 2017
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
"It feels like something is eating my brain" said man with something eating his brain
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu October 19, 2017
(Politico)
 
 
 
Senator Thad Cochran is not retiring, thank you very much. Now, can you please direct me to the Senate Chamber? I know it's around here somewhere
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed October 18, 2017
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Can you be too fat for prison? An attorney is trying to keep his 273 lb. client out of it with this argument
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue October 17, 2017
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Please don't put 'Niger Attack' as a title in your briefing to Trump, guys
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"Dear Prudence: We host classy adult parties with alcohol. People keep bringing their kids; I put 'Please, no kids' on invites. My home is not childproof; no one watches their kids; it's awful. We get drunk; kids don't need to see that. What do?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat October 14, 2017
(Forbes)
 
 
 
Do you live in, Kentucky, Maine, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, or Washington? Travel papers please, citizen
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri October 13, 2017
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
In case you think Trump's threats against the press are all bluster, please notice that the FCC Chairman he appointed has yet to comment on or disavow Trump's comments
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu October 12, 2017
(The Hill)
 
 
 
You're right, Mr. President, the media is very bad. So bad our ratings have jumped as have our revenues. Please criticize us more you farking moron
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed October 11, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together and welcome Ophelia to the 2017 Hurricane Club. Take a bow, Ophelia, and wave to the crowd
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue October 10, 2017
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Trump: I have decided to ban transgender people from the military after consulting with my generals. Dems: yeah, we'd like you prove that last bit please
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wales Online)
 
 
 
PSA: When making donations to the food bank please make sure it's within the expiration date and not 46 years old
source: walesonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rocketnews 24)
 
 
 
Two doses of human interferon beta, sunny side up, please
source: en.rocketnews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
If you've ever stolen anything from the historic Washington Marriott Wardman Park, the hotel wants you to know that it would like its stuff back, please. And you could earn a free stay by returning it. Just don't, you know, steal anything else
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon October 09, 2017
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Please note: if you're planning a historical reenactment of a battle including tanks and machine guns, you may want to mention this to people in advance
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat October 07, 2017
(UPI)
 
 
 
If you've misplaced a number of potted pot plants, the Gainesville Police Department would like you to please come pick them up. (with helpful photo of the plants)
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
A themed cruise sounds like fun, but what if YOU are the theme? Will Twilight manage to please both her family and fans? Will there be an open bar? Find out on My Little Pony - Once Upon a Zeppelin this Saturday on Discovery Family at 11:30am ET
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Catster)
 
 
 
Nurse Raisin, please report to the OR, Nurse Raisin to the OR on Caturday
source: catster.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri October 06, 2017
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Iowa: We'd like to fix our healthcare markets please. HHS: Okay. Trump: Actually, no. You can't. Because fark you
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu October 05, 2017
(Kitsap Sun)
 
 
 
Please note: the police may listen in on your phone calls, especially if you're calling from jail
source: kitsapsun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
No, Mr. NHL Player, cocaine is not on the Delta Airlines in-flight menu. Also, please refrain from urinating on the beverage cart
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
Former Glee star Mark Salling pleads guilty to child porn. Hopefully the judge sentences him to prison and rules there will never be a Glee reunion
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed October 04, 2017
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Boris Johnson continues his 'please fire me' tour by saying Libya could be the world's next hot tourism destination once it's "cleared the dead bodies away"
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Hello Amazon, welcome to Amazon, Georgia. Please build your new Amazon HQ here, we already renamed our town and next we will rename all first born children Amazon if you come here. Oh my Amazon, please come
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon October 02, 2017
(Politico)
 
 
 
The NRA decides that maybe, you know, in light of that recent unpleasantness in Las Vegas, they should wait a week before airing a slate of ads that were set to air starting today attacking the Democratic candidate in the VA governor's race
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
My brother was diagnosed with pancolitis at the beginning of August. He lost 67lbs of muscle mass before Sept 1st. He's refused any type of surgery and wants to explore the naturopathic capabilities... HELP Please
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun October 01, 2017
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Democrats, please get ready for exactly what happened in the last midterm elections
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Attention please, attention. There's been a slight change in the Tiger lineup. Catching, Andrew Romine. RF Andrew Romine. LF Andrew Romine, P Andrew Romine, 3B Andrew Romine, CF Andrew Romine, 1B Andrew Romine, SS Andrew Romine, 2B Andrew Romine
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
"Yeah, hello, 911? I'd like to threaten a judge, please"
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri September 29, 2017
(The Local)
 
 
 
Norway responds to NATO's pleas for help in Afghanistan. Fark: by sending ten soldiers
source: thelocal.no   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Please note: if you drink too much at Oktoberfest, the police will confiscate your baby
source: thelocal.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu September 28, 2017
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
You won't get jail time for DUI and driving 103 mph on the interstate if you're the mayor's wife
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
'Hey, hey, hey, it's me, Equifax. Honestly, honey, it's you I've always loved. Won't you give me another chance? Please? I swear I won't cheat on you again.' - New Equifax CEO
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon September 25, 2017
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Okay we shouldn't have trusted an employee who claims to be the unfiltered voice of violent neo-Nazism when he said his group would be non-controversial, now please don't boycott our restaurant
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri September 22, 2017
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Meanwhile, at the United Nations: "The chair recognizes the ambassador from Saudi Arabia." Ambassador: "Mmmmh, pleased to be here, I am"
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Think Progress)
 
 
 
Mike Pence dodges a question on Trumpcare by making up a fake quote by Thomas Jefferson. Can we get a smokebomb tag yet, please?
source: thinkprogress.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu September 21, 2017
(Vice)
 
 
 
Please do not pet the radioactive puppies of Chernobyl
source: motherboard.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed September 20, 2017
(The Hollywood Reporter)
 
 
 
It's your shameful summer guilty pleasure, and it concludes tonight, so get your pots and pans ready, meatballs. "Big Brother" crowns a champion tonight at 8 PM, ET, CBS. Friendship
source: hollywoodreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cincinnati Enquirer)
 
 
 
"Bands were going way over their time. The Grateful Dead played for hours. I've always been angry at them for that. A 45-minute version of "Turn On Your Love Light," - I mean, please. I was pulling my hair out"
source: cincinnati.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Alaska Dispatch News)
 
 
 
Yes, we know there's a dead humpback whale floating near town, please stop calling us to report it. Also please don't go out and touch it
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue September 19, 2017
(The Tennessean)
 
 
 
Ever the pro, Dolly Parton didn't say anything about any White House occupant & please visit her Dollywood Amusement Park in red Tennessee; "How about a shout out for Dabney Coleman out there? I'm just here to have a good time tonight"
source: tennessean.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IOL.co.za)
 
 
 
Woman that buys a used Mitsubishi from a Toyota dealer in South Africa demands that Toyota buy her a new Audi after her used POS breaks down, and then it gets really weird
source: iol.co.za   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 

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