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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Some Guy)		"The mining project gives Joe something to do during those long Saskatchewan winters" just about sums up this article  (autos.sympatico.ca)	(4)
		Impromptu Fark meetup on Sunday evening for Houston Farkers. DIT when I get around to it, biatches  (fark.com)	(23)
		Communications director forced to resign after learning (1) people read his emails, (2) Oklahoma residents aren't Monty Python fans  (newsok.com)	(171)

		Peyton Manning's face in NFL logos. Yes, it's just as creepy and unsettling as it sounds  (sportsgrid.com)	(22)
		BAD: getting caught in a landslide while hiking. WORSE: getting struck by lightning while trying to avoid getting caught in a landslide while hiking  (abc.net.au)	(39)
(Search Engine Land)		Search Engine Land gives credit to Fark for giving a whole new meaning to "Romney" (3rd paragraph shoutout in the section "The Linking Campaign")  (searchengineland.com)	(0)
		Artist awarded $2500 for lost French fries after using high priced lawyer, a few bargaining chips  (thelocal.de)	(4)
		Greek MPs resigning left, right and far-right over the latest demands from EZ finance ministers. Stay tuned as the drama unfolds toward its final act on Sunday  (guardian.co.uk)	(103)
(Some Guy)		This is a real eye opener. Pair of blind joggers are being sued for running into another jogger  (ottawacitizen.com)	(9)
		Tennis pro Arantxa Sanchez Vicario says $60 million in career earnings are gone, alleges parents' racket took her net profit  (sports.yahoo.com)	(12)
(Sports Illustrated)		Peyton Manning has made a complete and full recovery from neck surgery, except for that pesky "unable to throw a football" issue,  (tracking.si.com)	(26)
		What would you do with an empty hospital? BTW, the winning idea gets a million dollars  (buffalonews.com)	(72)
		Problem: People are beginning to understand how much their private info is worth and thus, are refusing to give it up to Google. Solution: Google will now pay you to track you completely  (tech.slashdot.org)	(29)
		New study finds 10% of doctors lie to patients, still promise appointments not running late  (abcnews.go.com)	(6)

		Another amenity your car is missing: A wood burning stove. Talk to this guy about getting that set up  (photoblog.msnbc.msn.com)	(60)
(Some Guy)		Researchers develop way to scan liquids that may allow travelers to carry on enough vodka to relieve the stress of the TSA screening, Southwest boarding process  (physicsworld.com)	(105)
		Kool & The Gang opening for Van Halen? Blame David Lee Roth  (foundrymusic.com)	(87)
		What happens in your body when you eat Ramen Noodles and Gatorade, w/video. (Warning: Not safe for lunch)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(45)
		Toppling TVs have crushed four Chicago children since October, so clearly it's time to start putting warning labels on these Doom Tubes and maybe start requiring protective gear to watch them  (usatoday.com)	(129)
		Scientists find brains of spiders are so large they fill their body cavities and overflow into their legs, meaning Clock Spider is probably plotting to take over the world  (sciencedaily.com)	(37)
(the score)		Did the Giants cheat within the rules by running 12 men on the field to run time off the clock?  (blogs.thescore.com)	(156)
		Because blowing the entire team's budget to acquire single big-name talent has worked so well for them in the past, the Redskins should offer "whatever it takes" to get Peyton Manning. Can Dan Snyder be included in a trade?  (washingtonpost.com)	(48)
		Doctors say erectile dysfunction may be a warning -- just one that doesn't stand out  (upi.com)	(12)

(Some Guy)		Winning: The American public's dependence on the federal government shot up 23% in just two years under President Obama, with 67 million now relying on some federal program  (news.investors.com)	(157)
		Woman arrested two consecutive mornings by the same cop for drunk driving. "This can't happen again" she yelled at the cop as it was.... happening again  (readingeagle.com)	(64)
(Some Guy)		Former Republican candidate Gary Johnson says "FARK YEAH" when referring to the 9th's gay marriage decision. In other news, he is still running for President under the (L) label  (garyjohnson2012.com)	(129)
		President Obama helps launch a marshmallow across the State Dining Room. SCIENCE  (youtube.com)	(131)
		Santorum's stunning 30-point victory over Romney in Missouri is tempered somewhat by the fact that: A) The primary didn't count, and therefore B) only 30,000 people actually showed up to vote  (news.yahoo.com)	(82)
(SportsChump)		Are we in the middle of an image change? A closer look at the Peyton Manning saga  (sportschump.net)	(44)

		Mitt Romney blasts the ruling overturning Proposition 8. Not because of the social issues at stake, but because he wasted all that money getting it passed in the first place   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(311)
		Actual headline: Indoor Tanning Industry Backs Boehner  (thinkprogress.org)	(48)
		Two companies you've likely never heard of just completed a $100 billion merger to become the world's largest mining company with virtual control over coal and copper exports worldwide  (abc.net.au)	(42)
(Bangor Daily News)		You'd think with 7 UFOs hovering around the people of Milo, Maine wouldn't be complaining about how dark it is up there  (seeclickfix.com)	(19)
(Some Guy With Cool Shoes)		A Maryland mall is evacuated, and goes into lock down after: A) There are credible warnings of a terrorist threat, B) There is a massive gas leak, or C) Sneakers go on sale?  (baltimore.cbslocal.com)	(128)
(wptv.com)		After days of meticulous planning, man pounces out of bush to chase after ex-wife, douses her with flammable liquid yelling, "I'm gonna kill you"... then stumbles and becomes engulfed in flames. (Early Darwin nominee)  (wptv.com)	(73)
		Santorum surge warnings posted in Colorado and Minnesota  (washingtontimes.com)	(21)
		The man who tried to keep Challenger from launching that fateful morning has been reunited with the crew  (npr.org)	(124)

		Having seen the successes of the past decade, 49% of Americans support bombing Iran to prevent them from gaining nukes  (thehill.com)	(271)
		Not news: Conservatives hate Planned Parenthood. WTF: 51% of them oppose them for cancer screenings too  (dailykos.com)	(376)
		Fox News contributor and Breitbart catamite: "Obama should go back to burning the taxpayer-funded incense to whatever pagan, foreign deity he's worshipping"  (mediamatters.org)	(196)
		Dispirited Arsenal kicks off a desperate claw for fourth place, Suarez returns to Liverpool, with lots of action culminating in a Sunday morning finale between Chelsea and Manchester. It's your weekend EPL thread  (soccernet.espn.go.com)	(497)
		Louisiana congressman thought an Onion story about Planned Parenthood opening an "$8 Billion Abortionplex" was real. Hey, at least he can read  (uproxx.com)	(129)
		Woman astounded at people lining up for new Target clothing line... while waiting for said clothing line  (latimes.com)	(46)
		The internet is now the second most common way of beginning a relationship, usually with a supermodel or a rich philanthropist with a yacht  (dailymail.co.uk)	(52)
		Programmer personality types: Coding culture offers no shortage of character. Here are the specs for determining your developer breed  (infoworld.com)	(70)
		It's the age-old story - man gets stuck in elevator, man gets rescued by fireman and taken into adjoining elevator, man and fireman get stuck in second elevator  (chicagotribune.com)	(38)
		Stupid mornings. I'm friggin' half-asleep. I'll just enjoy a nice cup of AHHHH. AHHH WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?  (boingboing.net)	(31)
		Man busted for mooning on trolley. King Friday the XIII frowns upon these shenanigans   (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(28)
(HyperVocal)		With your winnings, go buy yourself a pair of underwear to support that huge set  (hypervocal.com)	(17)

		Eli Manning is Best Manning  (sports.espn.go.com)	(516)
		CAN the Giants shock the world again? WILL the Patriots avenge their defeat from four years ago? HOW MANY FARKers will succumb to alcohol poisoning this year? THIS is YOUR Super Bowl XLVI Discussion Thread. (Kickoff @ 6:30 EST on NBC)  (scores.espn.go.com)	(3858)
		The Giants official website congratulates the Giants on winning the Super Bowl, before the game is played  (espn.go.com)	(48)
		Great Scott, it looks like there's some more good news about that Back to the Future musical. Specifically, that it's not happening  (slashfilm.com)	(31)

		One writer gets it right about National Signing Day. Of course his press privileges will be revoked for all LSU games  (nola.com)	(44)
		Joe Francis sends Madonna cease and desist letter concerning her "Girls Gone Wild" song. "Mr. Francis has worked tirelessly for an excess of two decades to build his brand and to protect his trademark Girls Gone Wild"  (eonline.com)	(92)
		Most stunning pic of a barred spiral galaxy you'll see today  (bbc.co.uk)	(25)

		And now, a friendly doomsday warning from Rick Santorum  (mcall.com)	(134)
		I know some of those words in the headline are English, but they can't be rearranged into anything meaningful  (theregister.co.uk)	(45)
(Some Guy)		"Cry me a freaking river," says Komen's new CEO about totally coincidental new policy to defund groups beginning with 'P' and rhyming with "bland parenthood"  (jezebel.com)	(147)
(Some Guy)		Sure, we've all sped when we were running late for work. It's just that most of us didn't have weed and meth on us, nor did we decide to start a fight with the cops who stopped us  (dailycommercial.com)	(10)
		'Liberal' leaning Fark gets mentioned in a WAAY TV story about Alabama State Senator Shadrack McGill and his controversial statements  (waaytv.com)	(37)

		Senators swarm to bill banning insider trading and play "Who's more ethical?"  (washingtonpost.com)	(104)
		Photoshop this bronze statue beginning  (cdn.theatlantic.com)	(38)
(Sum Gai)		Chinese restaurant catches fire. Fortunately there were no injuries, as everyone had prepared for such an event by running around their cars at red lights  (woodtv.com)	(32)
(SBNation)		Much like Peyton Manning, Roy Oswalt is in search of a home for after rehabbing from an injury that could jeopardize his career. To really drive the similarity home, we have an pic of Oswalt making a Manning face  (mlb.sbnation.com)	(38)
		After key vote, WA to legalize gay marriage. Heterosexuals beginning mass divorces, stores revise "no shirts" policies, and the boy scouts have begun construction of glittering pink pyramid outside of Spokane  (huffingtonpost.com)	(91)
		Virginia may be about to pass a law that separates school year planning from King's Dominion's schedule. In other news, Virginia currently plans its school year around King's Dominion's schedule  (wtop.com)	(108)
(Some Guy)		Danish animation school decides to place every popular 80's cartoon opening in a blender, resulting in a fine paste known as Space Stallions  (awesome-robo.com)	(29)
(brobible.com)		Larry, Curly, and Moe busted for running $1 million LSD ring at Drexel University  (brobible.com)	(81)

		Colorado's biggest embarrassment since the 1997 Denver Nuggets endorses Rick Santorum. In other news, Rick Santorum is evidently still running for president  (denverpost.com)	(40)
		Tanning beds PREVENT cancer. And treat lupus and fibromyalgia. And skin cancer comes from sunscreen, anyway  (theatlanticwire.com)	(84)
		Asinine tag trumps Boobies tag as the Susan G. Komen Foundation decides to combat breast cancer by cutting off funding for breast cancer screening  (washingtonpost.com)	(132)
		Just when you thought college football was on the sidelines, Hope springs eternal ....It's National Signing Day, people  (espn.go.com)	(94)
		Oh hai, I'm in ur cosmoz, ruining your fotos  (youtube.com)	(15)
		Old man decides his car needs a good cleaning after driving through the farmers market  (liveleak.com)	(21)
		Women reveal their "morning face" and OMG KILL THEM WITH FIRE (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(309)

		After hearing some sports cars are being driven dangerously police revoke the license of the next guy they find driving a sports car. Judge finds a flaw in their cunning plan  (ctvbc.ctv.ca)	(98)
		Having seen the resounding success of similar legislation in Wisconsin and Ohio, Arizona GOP seeks to ban collective bargaining by all state, county and city employees   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(179)
(WUSA9)		And now the opening scene to Season #3 of "The Walking Dead"  (wusa9.com)	(73)
(Demon Ocracy)		Wondering just how large the Euro debt problem is? This frightening infographic shows you using 18-wheelers packed with 100 Euro notes  (demonocracy.info)	(142)
		Banning zombies is discrimination, AND IT'S WRONG  (ajc.com)	(33)
		Award-winning teacher had sex with two students, kissed a third and sexted a fourth. Yeah, I'd say that at least deserves an award for effort, if nothing else  (cbc.ca)	(83)
		People aren't watching the Republican debates to learn about the issues - "It's like you're tuning in to a car race, you really want to see if there's a wreck"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(66)
		"...although there are some photos of Manning wearing the number 16... which we're guessing is some kind of FARK Photoshop prank to tease fans of the Buccaneers..." (5th section)  (espn.go.com)	(1)

		Colts owner on Peyton Manning's future with the team. "I can't be sentimental. This isn't fantasy football"  (content.usatoday.com)	(116)
		School science building burning. Must have been one hell of a paper mache volcano  (news.com.au)	(31)
		News: Martin Scorsese pens angry op-ed piece bemoaning the lack of awards love for an actor from his latest film. Fark: Said actor is a Doberman named Blackie  (shortlist.com)	(26)
		Tourism tip: If you're planning a visit to the U.S., don't tweet about your plans to "destroy America" or dig up Marilyn Monroe  (thesun.co.uk)	(131)
		Gingrich denounces the "pro-abortion, pro-gun-control, pro-tax-increase liberal" running for president and he wasn't talking about Obama  (news.yahoo.com)	(184)
		14 entertaining tales of collectivist Internet satire  (avclub.com)	(11)
		BYU students finally succeed in earning the elusive "Crowd Technical Foul" (w/video)  (deadspin.com)	(38)
(Some Guy)		Writer tries to justify why he enjoys listening to the grunts of women tennis players. "I'm not a pervert who gets a cheap thrill from the loud shrieks"  (asiaone.com)	(28)
		*Knock knock* "What is it Leftenant Sebastian?" "It's just the Rebels, sir... they're here and they've brought a flag." "Damn, that's dash cunning of them"  (abcnews.go.com)	(62)
		Matt Cassel saves family from house fire. Also saves: cat, player piano, washer, dryer, grandfather clock, couch, vanity, dining set  (sports.yahoo.com)	(35)

		Candidate who was barred from running because she doesn't speak English proficiently vows appeal. At least that's what they think she said, not really sure  (news.yahoo.com)	(227)
		Over 30 years later, people are still trying to explain Stanley Kubrick's film "The Shining." A new documentary explores a number of crazy theories and the pecan logs who believe them  (nytimes.com)	(230)
(Some Guy)		Herman Cain endorses Newt: "I also know Speaker Gingrich is running for president and going through this sausage grinder, and I know what this sausage grinder is all about." Wut?  (postonpolitics.com)	(107)

(Some Guy)		11 year-old, super tough guy-in-training, picks on woman with baby stroller. Has to pull his gun to make sure everyone knows he is a true gangster. Ends up in jail. Next up-stealing candy from 5-year-old girls  (katu.com)	(298)
(swtorpano.com)		A stunning collection of high-resolution panoramas from the Star Wars: The Old Republic MMORPG  (swtorpano.com)	(119)
(Some Guy)		Mark Cuban out of the running to buy the LA Dodgers, because having an owner that cares would be bad for business  (hardballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(63)

		For those of you just joining us, Kelly Brook has a lovely pair of coconuts  (thesun.co.uk)	(33)
		Wow, eek, neat, OMG how does it still have all its wheels, neat, wow oh wow, lightning strike, neat-o  (youtube.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)		Irsay and Manning issue joint statement. "Everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?"  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(57)
		Since the Iraq War ended there has been little fanfare for the veterans returning home. St. Louis is about to fix all of that  (hosted.ap.org)	(93)
		Gamer discovers that some flight sims have a bit of a learning curve. Contains strong language  (liveleak.com)	(80)
(Some Estonian)		Minister who deleted Facebook comments on his page about ACTA claims he did it because he was 'running out of space'  (empirechronicles.co.uk)	(25)
		Hey YEAH, how come rich jerks pay less taxes on their earnings than the guy working at McDonald's? Seems kind of... anti-American  (finance.yahoo.com)	(64)
		Romney's candidacy is shining a spotlight on the otherwise secretive private equity industry, and the cockroaches are starting to scramble  (businessweek.com)	(67)
		Nokia posts profits 50% higher than analysts expected... meaning profits only fell 73%  (reuters.com)	(3)
(Pantagraph.com)		Two pieces of IL senator's brain removed... The one small piece left still considered smarter than 95% of remaining Illinois senate members combined  (pantagraph.com)	(21)
		Woman finds $1 million winning lottery ticket in the trash. Naturally, 2 people are suing her  (abcnews.go.com)	(101)

		Why the sizes of women's clothing are meaningless and have gone insane  (slate.com)	(331)
		Not News: The Vatican denounced for "corruption and mismanagement". News: by the Archbishop who used to be in charge of running its finances Fark: and the Pope canned him for speaking up  (news.yahoo.com)	(72)
		The Tampa Bay Lightning mascot fired for inappropriate use of Silly String  (tampabay.com)	(42)
		Memorial service to cap three days of mourning for Joe Paterno at Penn State. Rumor has it that any PSU student not mourning sincerely enough could face harsh penalties, like all 8am classes next semester  (foxnews.com)	(164)
		A silver stake, forged under the watchful eye of the monks who only mine for silver in the waning moonlight  (forbes.com)	(7)
		Military says "Operation Octave Fusion" was necessary because the American hostage had a "life-threatening condition". "Octave Fusion"? Is the guy who names new Gatorade flavors now moonlighting at the Pentagon?  (news.yahoo.com)	(74)
		While you were busy forcing your 8-year-old daughter to watch My Little Ponies so you had an excuse to watch, this little girl was learning to shred  (break.com)	(36)
		Illinois lawmakers are being urged to help lower the risks of online dating, presumably by banning use of MySpace photo angles  (chicagotribune.com)	(27)
		Things Pat Sajak has seen spinning on "Wheel of Fortune" include the wheel, the letters, and the room  (huffingtonpost.com)	(80)

		"In her application for a restraining order ... the girlfriend said the argument was sparked by a cat and an Estee Lauder skin-care product"  (twincities.com)	(26)
		Since the beginning of the recall effort against him, the people have rallied around WI Gov Scott Walker, donating almost $4 million to his campaign. And by "the people" I mean millionaires in TX, MO, and AZ  (news.yahoo.com)	(107)
		The Walking Dead, recut to the theme song of Growing Pains. Well, it's certainly more entertaining  (comicsalliance.com)	(119)
(Some Guy)		If you were planning on going to Olympics this year but were concerned that there wouldn't be enough infants and screaming babies present to make it a truly enjoyable experience, I've got some good news for you  (moms.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(55)
(Adam Smith)		History shows over and over that raising the capital gains rate actually lowers government revenues, while decreasing the capital gains rate increases government revenues. (pdf warning)  (adamsmith.org)	(100)
		Okay, it's the morning after that beautiful speech, so go out and help round up those starry-eyed liberals still wandering around in a orgasmic daze and let them read over some Obama fact checking. Warning: be ready for weeping  (washingtonpost.com)	(142)

		Instead of being ecstatic that their team made the Super Bowl, working class New Yorkers are whining about how expensive the tickets are, while the 1-percenters are whining about the lack of 5-star hotels in Indianapolis  (nypost.com)	(176)
		Dear Mr. President, in your SOTU speech this evening, I suggest you avoid talking about your first term in office. It won't do you a damn bit of good. Sincerely, Rahm  (wlsam.com)	(68)

(Some Guy)		Band camp a bore? Try Hellboy summer camp were you'll get training in paranormal investigations, zombie attack survival, meet the Hellboy artists and much more  (wweek.com)	(12)
		In a stunning display of rational discourse, Arkansas conservatives hold a productive town hall meeting with a local Democratic campaign manager about their concerns. Just kidding; they kill his cat and scrawl LIBERAL on it (warning: graphic)  (thinkprogress.org)	(497)
		And you thought Americans had all the fun being threatened by scary broad-brush anti-piracy laws. Video explaining what ACTA, the EU's answer to SOPA, is all about  (youtube.com)	(46)
		Obama's in trouble with U.N. human rights chief, earning him badly needed Republican votes  (news.yahoo.com)	(70)
		Obama will participate in Google+ 'Hangout' after State of the Union, spurning Fark once again  (csmonitor.com)	(49)
		Jim Carrey's daughter got her golden ticket to Hollywood after auditioning for American Idol in San Diego. There is one serious flaw that could spell doom, she's the spitting image of Miley Cyrus. (pics, vid)  (bittenandbound.com)	(99)
		Russian scientist claims signs of life spotted on Venus. Wal-Mart immediately plans opening of store #8403  (news.yahoo.com)	(51)
		Theme: the Dunning-Kruger effect. Difficulty: no politics. LGT explanation  (en.wikipedia.org)	(23)
		Is our children learning? No, there not  (mirror.co.uk)	(204)

		Manning will be playing in Indianapolis this year after all  (espn.go.com)	(448)
(Some Guy)		"Nowitzki will miss 4 games to improve conditioning." Because running up and down a basketball court for 48 minutes is no way to get in shape  (cnnsi.com)	(24)
(Some Storm Spotter)		Farkers in the eastern Midwest should prepare for a January Tornadopocalypse this evening  (spc.noaa.gov)	(97)
		Newt's algorithm for gaining support. Step 1: Figure out who the audience hates. Step 2: Convince the audience you hate them too. Step 3: Repeat  (theatlantic.com)	(95)
		Jeb Bush, who seemed ready to jump aboard the S.S. Romney for weeks, is now donning a life vest ready for a swim in Newt-infested waters  (bloomberg.com)	(81)

		Former vegan embraces his new career as a butcher, while still retaining a smug sense of superiority: "I see the 'hipification' of butchery in urban areas like Brooklyn and San Francisco," he says  (npr.org)	(116)
		We've upgraded the traditional Running of the Bulls with a new version, in which flaming balls of wax are affixed to the bull's horns. Let's see how that plays out, shall we?  (sfgate.com)	(51)
		Archaeological discoveries in the Amazon show extensive urban development, which is complete nonsense since we know Columbus created the first cities by burning down all the natives and exploiting them for oil  (nytimes.com)	(35)

		Peyton Manning could be mulling over retirement, may seek new career as Dan Marino  (msn.foxsports.com)	(73)
		Photoshop this prize winning holstein  (media.pennlive.com)	(34)
		President Obama sings opening line of Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" at fundraiser, is immediately accused of using Auto-Tune  (content.usatoday.com)	(209)
		Deep-rooted hatred is causing more and more Afghans to kill the very same American soldiers training them. You know, a nice game of Buzkashi would probably release some of that tension. It's worked before, I know that much anyway  (msnbc.msn.com)	(132)
(Some Guy)		The Carlyle Group takes another shot at ruining America  (delawareonline.com)	(13)
		Goldman Sachs employees literally in tears upon learning that their reduced bonuses will not buy a small enough violin  (nymag.com)	(195)
		The coolest flyby of a lightning storm you'll see this orbit  (telegraph.co.uk)	(11)

(Capital New York)		Brand new generation of news-junkie hipsters increasingly flock to CBS's slowpaced 'Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood' because of the PBR Effect - it's so obviously uncool that it ends up being as cool as your grandfather  (capitalnewyork.com)	(61)
(Naked Security)		U.K. citizen running TVShack.net based in the U.K. arrested in the U.K. for breaking U.S. copyright law. Wait, what?  (nakedsecurity.sophos.com)	(52)
(The Anchoress)		Millionaires and billionaires weren't evil when the uber-wealthy John Kerry was running for president  (patheos.com)	(274)
(Maui Weekly)		Speed-gardening craze hits Maui. This used to be real estate, now it's only fields and trees. Where, where is the town?  (mauiweekly.com)	(30)
		Parent company of Old Country Buffet files for bankruptcy after realizing that running an "All You Can Eat" restaurant in a country undergoing an obesity epidemic probably isn't such a hot business model  (cbsnews.com)	(60)
(Some Guy)		When running from the cops, do you: c) run a red light and crash into some other guy wanted for running from the police?  (hermistonherald.com)	(13)
		13 years, 252 games. The longest winning streak in college sports is over  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(54)
		Researchers say black doctor community better at unspoken language, frowning on your shenanigans  (upi.com)	(55)

		At this point subby is beginning to think that even a video of some random guy doing a bass cover of Cid Creole & the Coconuts' "Endicott" has a fighting chance. (difficulty: is actually pretty good)  (youtube.com)	(15)
(Some Guy)		Woman who was hit by lightning last summer when she was 3 months pregnant gives birth to healthy baby girl. No word if "Sopa Pipa Alberti" has super powers yet  (kktv.com)	(13)
		I've always thought a video of the Hanshin Tigers 7th inning stretch was green worthy  (youtube.com)	(4)
		Theater patrons demand refund after learning that "The Artist" was a silent movie. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)	(58)
		Well, since Drew is greening everything, Here's SHADOWS OF DAWN. The trans-dimensional thrash masters of the multiverse  (youtube.com)	(2)
		Man tries to rob a gambling parlor by threatening to infect everyone with a staph infection. It makes you long for the days when the bad guy just used a hypodermic needle filled with tainted AIDS blood  (startribune.com)	(8)
		Airline captain tells passengers he has to delay departure so he can watch a video on how to fly the plane. Next he'll have to take training on how not to over share  (huffingtonpost.com)	(30)
		Tim Tebow declines CBS offer to appear on NFL Today this Sunday. As if Tebow has anything else going on Sunday morning  (denver.cbslocal.com)	(34)
		3,500 year old cypress tree was destroyed by lightning, not arson. Where's your God now?  (abcnews.go.com)	(30)
		Forbes: Reddit's SOPA blackout meaningless unless more important sites like facebook follow suit  (forbes.com)	(88)
(White House Dossier)		Once upon a time, running up a massive federal debt was not only irresponsible, it was "unpatriotic"  (whitehousedossier.com)	(166)
		Wait, did I miss Drew greening everything? Crap. Here's me singing Toby Keith in the car  (youtube.com)	(34)
(KATU)		Unusual winter storm dumps snow on Oregon Zoo. Come for the confused cheetahs; stay for the snowman being mauled by lions. Warning: slideshow  (katu.com)	(53)
		House Republicans are set to engage in a meaningless gesture to score cheap political points. It's a good thing they shelved SOPA, because meaningless gestures to score cheap political points is copyrighted by Democrats   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(33)

		Scientists find 314 lost fossils from Darwin collection. Fox News says it adds up to about 19 a year since the beginning of time  (foxnews.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)		Two guys I work with were arguing over the last doughut in the breakroom. One stuck his finger in it and then to celebrate or rub it in gave the other guy a crotch chop. These are supposedly adults. What amused you this morning so far?  (google.com)	(268)
		New York Giants-New England Patriots Super Bowl matchup would be the most-watched show in the history of U.S. television, as audiences long for a Brady going against a Manning  (bloomberg.com)	(120)
		If she gets a restraining order out against you, don't text her a marriage proposal. "Even though u r mad at me will u still marrier me? ... I love you"  (nwfdailynews.com)	(16)
		Eight stunning photos by world travelers. The coolest examples of iPhoneography you'll see today  (cnngo.com)	(63)

		Tebow already named starting running back for the Broncos next season  (tsn.ca)	(103)
(doctorwhotv)		Is The Girl in the Fireplace returning to Doctor Who?  (doctorwhotv.co.uk)	(160)
		WARNING: YOUR PLANE IS ABOUT TO MAKE AN EMERGENCY LANDING ON WATER. Sorry, we didn't mean to play that message. As you were  (shortlist.com)	(46)

RIAA on SOPA outrage: "It sure seems like the deck is stacked to ensure no meaningful or balanced debate occurs on an issue that is very important to American jobs and our economy"  (politico.com)

(336)

		When one ponders the career options available to retired NFL running backs, "Shakespearean Actor" is often left off the list. Unless one is Eddie George..."Unlikely" doesn't even begin to cover this  (npr.org)	(53)
		Not to alarm anyone, but the robots are planning to put us in zoos, you know, for our protection. No mention of stealing old people's medicine  (youtube.com)	(17)

		Despite gays in the military, cussing on television, violent video games, and declining church attendance, smitings are at record low levels  (usatoday.com)	(54)
		Two more binary star planets discovered. George Lucas issa wanted for questioning   (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(13)
		With Leather credits Fark for opening their eyes to a video about Vladimir Putin, hockey legend  (withleather.uproxx.com)	(0)
		U.S. efforts in Afghanistan finally beginning to bear fruit as opium profits jump 133%, now comprise 9% of country's GDP. USA USA USA  (cbsnews.com)	(96)
		Skateboarder's stunning 720-degree double kickflip captured in spectacular slow motion  (youtube.com)	(54)
		US warning of terror threat in Bangkok, believe it could happen anywhere, be it bars, temples, or 'massage parlors, even chess matches  (chicagotribune.com)	(64)
		Newly released FBI files show that the in 2000's they were preparing a massive RICO case against an organization involved in gun-running, money laundering, drugs, and car-jackings. Was it: A) The mafia? B) MS-13? or C) The Wu-tang Clan?  (thedailybeast.com)	(48)

(WTSP)		Cool: High school students write letters, thanking Muslim leader for explaining Islam to class. Fark: Christian family association sends over 3,500 emails, condemning Muslim leader's visit  (wtsp.com)	(233)
(NME)		Johnny Marr designing his own line or Ray Ban sunglasses. Meanwhile, Morrissey is busy designing his own line of lettuce strainers  (nme.com)	(27)
		IBM succeeds in creating a single bit of storage using only eight atoms, a technical breakthrough with stunning porn-retention implications  (wired.com)	(30)
		Upon learning that he's polling at 5% in South Carolina, Stephen Colbert hints that he may join the race for the GOP presidential nomination because why the hell not?  (uproxx.com)	(147)
		Saint Tebow's game-winning TD may have received some divine intervention - if you count incompetent referees as deities, at least  (sports.yahoo.com)	(157)
		Kutcher wants to return to 'Two and a Half Men', which is coincidentally the number of remaining viewers  (wrcbtv.com)	(62)
		If you can tell the difference between a kidney and a liver, there's a surgeon in Wales who could do with some remedial training  (bbc.co.uk)	(23)
		Protip: When planning a car-jacking, be sure to pick a car with a full gas tank  (wrcbtv.com)	(11)
		Colts hire ex- Philadelphia Eagle director of player personnel Ryan Grigson as new GM. Will immediately report to Jim Irsay, Peyton Manning  (usatoday.com)	(47)

		Captive cheese fungus can gobble up spills, forming a self-cleaning surface. UNBRIELIEVABLE   (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(15)
		The banker who doesn't understand why people hate bankers: "Main Street says you're still getting paid too much: Even getting cut from $1 million to $500,000, they still think you're earning too much"  (nymag.com)	(50)
		Newly digitized color illustrations of the heavens, from Victorian era artist and astronomer Etienne Leopold Trouvelot. Warning: slideshow  (livescience.com)	(6)
		House GOP plans to introduce a measure condemning the President's recess appointments...as soon as they return from recess  (dailykos.com)	(138)
		Canadian freestyle skier Sarah Burke in coma after mishap while training on superpipe in Park City  (cbc.ca)	(37)
		Khloe Kardashian might have a different father. Attichitcuk may have some explaining to do  (wwtdd.com)	(50)
		Crab soup recalled for containing crab  (consumerist.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this corridor cleaning   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com)	(37)
		This team wants its young quarterback traded away and want Peyton Manning on their team. A: Who are the New York Jets?  (nydailynews.com)	(109)
		It's okay to object to the prosecutor's line of questioning in court, just not with a gun  (bbc.co.uk)	(14)
		Google will incorporate results from Facebook, Twitter, Google+ pages into searches, meaning it will take your dumb aunt that much longer to get to Snopes and find out the shark did not jump out at the helicopter  (edition.cnn.com)	(48)
		Without a trace of irony, Pakistan's military issues a statement warning of "grave consequences" in reponse to a statement by the Pakistani prime minister accusing the military of violating the country's constitution  (news.yahoo.com)	(38)
		This video of otters chasing a butterfly is sickeningly sweet  (mnn.com)	(19)
		You know it must be a bad crop of GOP presidential candidates if Stephen Colbert is polling at 5% in South Carolina when he's not even running  (uproxx.com)	(57)
		Having solved all the city's problems and determined to crush southern California's last remaining thriving business, LA City Council votes 11-1 to require condoms in porn productions  (nydailynews.com)	(84)
		Bikini-wearing Chinese bodyguards in training. 許多美麗的乳房  (buzzfeed.com)	(97)

		That's what friends are for (profanity warning)  (break.com)	(45)
		This BCS National Championship Game won't be remembered so much for Alabama's utter domination of LSU as it will the beginning of radical change in college football. A national playoff is coming, everyone  (aol.sportingnews.com)	(209)
		Proposed bill in Israel would make "Godwining" a crime punishable by six months in jail and a $25,000 fine. You know who ELSE like to criminalize unpopular speech?  (news.yahoo.com)	(218)
		Outgoing Mississippi governor notes the lack of news stories concerning Southern Governors doing crazy things. Fixes that problem the only way he knows how  (sfgate.com)	(95)
		The voters of Dixville Notch, NH are famed for being the first town in the country to vote. So who got the most votes this morning? Barack Obama  (boston.com)	(136)
		Smashburger planning massive expansion of restaurant chain, customers waistlines  (huffingtonpost.com)	(62)

		Forks woman knifed to death by spooning partner  (msnbc.msn.com)	(42)
		Walgreen's opening up a new flagship store in downtown Chicago. It will feature all the things customers expect from Walgreen's, including a sushi bar, humidor, and manicurist. Wait...what?  (chicagotribune.com)	(37)
		Snoop Dogg goes to the White House and asks the burning question of our time: Yo Prez, can we legalize marijuana already?  (politico.com)	(232)
(Red Dog Report)		It's time for the annual "Oh no, $5 gas prices are coming" whining once again, just like they did in 2011...and 2010...and 2009  (reddogreport.com)	(73)
		Hey baby, ever fark a movie star? How about an award-winning effects producer? No? Oh well  (deadline.com)	(19)
		J Lo open to returning for In Living Color specials. In other news the token white chick whose name you don't remember would be thrilled to return for the specials, assuming she can get time off from the car wash  (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(50)
		Mother has baby induced early so she can meet her dying 10-year-old sister. With pics that may make you call your cleaning lady to remove all the dust in this room  (dailymail.co.uk)	(54)
		In order to take the White House back from the dangerous, liberal, radical socialist who has nearly destroyed America, it looks like the GOP has settled on running the guy with nearly identical policies and ideas  (news.yahoo.com)	(239)

		If you need some ideas for your bucket list, how about crossdressing and chaining yourself to a Walgreens while wearing a ballgag? Three different times?  (deadspin.com)	(26)
		How is Mitt Romney like Clark Griswold? Well, let's just say we might be witnessing the beginning of Wallygate  (huffingtonpost.com)	(145)
		Will the Last Manning Standing lead the Giants to victory over the Falcons? Will Tebow's favorite deity give him the power to take down the Steelers? It's the NFL Wildcard Weekend: Day 2 thread (games at 1 PM on Fox, 4:30 on CBS)  (scores.espn.go.com)	(π)
(Lowell Sun)		Loophole-exploiting Red Sox will suffer most under baseball's new collective bargaining agreement  (lowellsun.com)	(36)

		Tonight, the remaining GOP candidates square off in preparation for the New Hampshire primary. Will Santorum blast Romney? Will it be worth watching since Bachmann is gone? The derp begins at 9pm ET on ABC  (washingtonpost.com)	(lots)
		"The Devil Inside" makes $16.9M on Friday, projected to have a $35M opening weekend. This is why we can't have nice things, America  (insidemovies.ew.com)	(99)
		Actual headline: RuPaul Is 'Campaigning' In New Hampshire To Spread Awareness That He Is Not Ron Paul. "Any time a man leaves the house in a wig and a pair of cha cha heels, he's making a political statement." RUPAUL  (mediaite.com)	(74)
		The best video of an acrobat flipping five bowls onto her head with her foot while on a unicycle that you will probably see this morning  (youtube.com)	(25)
		Paris Hilton dons brunette wig in bizarre artificial intelligence experiment, raising frightening "sort of want" feelings among Farkers everywhere  (dailymail.co.uk)	(58)

(Washington City Paper)		"In my mind -- hell, in my own life -- what's happening isn't just the delayed onset of adulthood. It's the refusal of adulthood entirely. It's not failure to thrive. It's an awareness that thriving kind of blows"  (washingtoncitypaper.com)	(352)
		The same security camera that captured a man stealing a family's Christmas presents also captures him returning them two days later with an apology note. Unclear if you can see his heart grow three sizes  (cbsnews.com)	(13)
		Kentucky Woman indicted on charges of threatening former President George W. Bush. Neil Diamond reported to be inconsolable  (washingtonpost.com)	(19)
		Looks like mercury caused the mass extinction 250 million years ago. GOP responds that's false, the Mercury Council has proven that it's good for you, and those mad hatters were just putting on an entertaining show for their customers  (physorg.com)	(22)
(Merced Sun-Star)		Today's special: Vag Lasguna. This menu brought to you by the dining hall at the University of California, Merced  (mercedsunstar.com)	(39)

		Let me posit a hypothetical of why Perry is still campaigning : Rick Perry has discovered he's the evil son of Jor-El, destined to fight his half brother Obama for control of the universe. Otherwise, it's over dude   (fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com)	(25)
		Japan may proclaim Nagasaki seabed containing 13th century Mongol ruins a historic site, based on legend that attackers were wrecked by "kamikaze"  (japantimes.co.jp)	(15)
		If you were planning on spending $3.5 million for a 30 second Super Bowl ad this year, you're too late  (usatoday.com)	(64)
		Gingrich: "I represent a genuine insurgency." Apparently didn't get the memo explaining how the U.S. deals with insurgents  (foxnews.com)	(43)
		What if Virginia lifts ban on uranium mining? Well, radioactive large cocktail peanuts, glow in the dark Chincoteague ponies, mutants raging through the streets of Arlington and Alexandria... wait that last one is a good thing  (sciencedaily.com)	(30)
		Ron Paul's version of "Joe the Plumber" is Jessie the Soldier, whose habit of campaigning for Paul while in full uniform may soon earn him a new title: "Jessie the court-martialed"  (news.yahoo.com)	(180)
		Police speculate vehicle may have been traveling over the posted speed limit of 30 miles per hour, planning a complete investigation once they get the car down from the house roof it ended up on  (jalopnik.com)	(11)

		Spin art, minus the whole spinning bit  (liveleak.com)	(28)
		Morning weatherman will read ANYTHING in the prompter  (youtube.com)	(26)
(newser)		Newser is amused by the elusive meaning of FARK's Loch Ness headline (2nd paragraph)  (newser.com)	(1)

		Today's burning question before SCOTUS: Does a police dog's sniff outside a house give officers the right to get a search warrant for illegal drugs, or is the sniff an unconstitutional search?  (google.com)	(167)
		Skier 52 is executing a navigator directed Airborne Radar Approach on the Western Antarctic Ice Sheet. Let's drop into the cabin and see what's happening  (youtube.com)	(42)
		Bears part ways with offensive coordinator Mike Martz, who will now put his O-line coaching skills to use training matadors  (espn.go.com)	(57)
		Kris Humphries sidelined with shoulder injury, once again has trouble getting his shot to fall into opening with 18-inch diameter  (nj.com)	(15)
		The guy busted with the backpack full of explosives at a TX airport on New Year's Eve is now looking less like a scary terrorist and more like a Special Forces demolition expert planning some awesome fireworks for his buddies  (news.yahoo.com)	(102)
		Gynecologists opening minds, orifices for transgender patients  (sun-sentinel.com)	(277)
		Youssou N'Dour shakes the tree, announces he's running for President of Senegal  (bbc.co.uk)	(25)

		LAPD releases CCTV footage of a man wanted for questioning in connection 40 or so flame jobs. Curiously, he looks nothing like Gregory Hines  (telegraph.co.uk)	(67)
		Meet the highest-paid CEO in America: a guy you've never heard of running a company you probably don't know, but who made $145 million last year  (thedailybeast.com)	(248)
(AFP)		Right now, six people running for the job of the leader of the most powerful nation on earth are trying desperately to convince voters that they don't believe in science and won't govern based on it  (thejakartaglobe.com)	(511)
		Former Danzig bassist is trying to get a restraining order against a woman he picked up on Facebook. I don't see how he thought any good would come from this... I mean, this chick is a Danzig fan he picked up on Facebook  (tmz.com)	(61)
		Iowa voters don't feel the remaining Republican candidates for President give them enough options. Apparently some chapters of the DSM-IV still don't have candidates representing them  (cnn.com)	(87)
		Either this article is about politics, or "Iowa Surprise" is a euphemism for a frightening sex act  (businessweek.com)	(29)
(Want - Want - Want - Want)		They are auctioning off the first 10 prototype Raspberry Pi boards on eBay, but more importantly, the auction indicates they will be selling them retail in a month  (raspberrypi.org)	(30)

(Some Guy)		Obama's NDAA Signing Statement: I have the power to detain Americans...but I won't  (infowars.com)	(288)
		Xenu cackles as high-ranking Sea Org officer opens 2012 by turning on the Church of Scientology via 12,000 emails  (blogs.villagevoice.com)	(129)
		How to piss people off: 1. Perform most beloved song of beloved artist on national TV. 2. Change most important lyric, thus changing the entire meaning of song. 3. Get progressively more irate at fans on Twitter. Forget you, Cee Lo Green  (huffingtonpost.com)	(240)
		Video of some guy's office during this morning's earthquake in Japan. I'm sorry, but if there's flying office equipment going on, I'd be hiding under my desk instead of videotaping. (Not safe for work language)  (youtube.com)	(25)
		"Even though I'm a regular on Fark.com's politics tab, I have only a vague idea about how presidents are elected." Hey, vague ideas *never* stop us on the politics tab. (opening paragraph)  (open.salon.com)	(21)
(Ric Romero, Esq)		Ric Romero says that the Android outperforms iPhones when it comes to GPS apps. GPS stands for "Global Positioning System", which is a space-based satellite navigation system that provides location anywhere on or near the Earth  (abclocal.go.com)	(119)

		Newt Gingrich gets choked up recalling his sick mother. I guess abandoning her to pursue a younger, healthier mother took its toll on him  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(67)
(Some Guy)		Today's edition of "OH SNAP" brought to you by Wes Welker's retort after being fined $10,000 for wearing an unauthorized hat during postgame press conference: "Thanks for warning me the other 16 weeks I wore the hat"  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(81)
(Romenesko)		New newspaper owners tell their handful of remaining reporters to quit dressing like reporters, because it's important to look properly corporate while interviewing people in the middle of fighting a wildfire  (jimromenesko.com)	(44)
(Some Tweeter)		By this company's reasoning, Fark's Twitter followers are worth $39,280.00 per month  (siliconvalley.com)	(26)
		Best NBA finish in opening week: Vince Carter hits three pointer with 1.4 seconds left. Kevin Durant hits three point game winner with 1.0 seconds left  (youtube.com)	(45)
		San Francisco zoo says they were gibbon no warning before thieves broke in and stole one of their monkeys  (msnbc.msn.com)	(30)

		Drinking so-called "hair of the dog" the morning after a hangover only makes things worse. Who would have thought drinking more booze because you've drank too much booze was a bad thing?  (upi.com)	(105)
		Sales of beets are up, and more restaurants are serving beets than ever, all of this another sign that we are running out of food  (npr.org)	(122)
(Some Guy)		Sam's Club, home of the 40 gallon mayonnaise drum, enormous barrels of pickles, and 50 pound sacks of deep-fried frozen meat substitute nuggets, will now offer health screenings. First recommendation from doctors will be STOP SHOPPING HERE  (wfaa.com)	(75)
		Pic of astronauts returning to Earth leaving a blazing trail of fire behind them. Just like me after the 2 a.m. Taco Bell run  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(12)
(CBSSacramento.com)		Nevada sheriff refrains from ruining 250 students' lives after discovering pounds of marijuana and other drugs on ski trip caravan  (sacramento.cbslocal.com)	(153)
		The evolution of TV lawyer commercials, beginning with fake law books and culminating with ex-NFL players doing Kill Bill impressions  (tampabay.com)	(71)
(xkcd)		This made me laugh so hard this morning, and I just wanted to share  (xkcd.com)	(159)
		Eight months after Peyton Manning's wife gives birth to twins, Colts' QB Dan Orlovsky becomes father of triplets. Andrew Luck suddenly rethinking senior year plans  (dailymail.co.uk)	(12)

		With little to no American auto industry left to destroy, UAW turns its sights to ruining foreign industry as well  (msnbc.msn.com)	(75)
		I'm beginning to think that Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt have a real-life "500 Days of Summer" thing going on  (uproxx.com)	(120)
(Some Guy)		In Alabama, it's illegal to transport 112 gallons of beer in your car. "She was planning to have a party"  (enewscourier.com)	(129)
		Good news, Americans. CNN has finally aired a segment explaining why those durn Straights of Whoremoose are so important and why you should care if them durn al queda or whoever close it down  (cnn.com)	(22)
		Winning: Twice as many 18-year-olds signed up to Facebook than are registered to vote in the UK  (dailymail.co.uk)	(31)
(Some Guy)		That spinning sound you heard was John Birch's body spinning in his grave as the UN lowered its flags to half-staff to observe Kim Jong-Il's funeral service  (asiaone.com)	(106)
		Neat freak fulfills his dream of opening $6M 'Museum of Clean' (complete with interactive exhibits on window washing and bed making)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(31)
		How Belgium came to dominate the beer world. Warning - article is literary beer porn that will have you checking out plane ticket prices to Belgium  (economist.com)	(172)

		Bon Iver making the first workout DVD targeted exclusively at hipsters. Exercises will include intense plaid shirt buttoning, repetitive beard stroking, and coffee cup curls  (huffingtonpost.com)	(46)
		Remember how Lindsay Lohan said she was turning down offers to host New Year's Eve parties and attempting to avoid dangerously high BAC levels? Yeah, about that  (thesuperficial.com)	(46)
(NFL.com)		Congrats to rookies A.J Green, Von Miller, and Patrick Peterson for making the pro bowl. Now it's time to discuss the snubs. Subby will start off by mentioning London Fletcher  (nfl.com)	(201)
(Great Falls Tribune)		Some Indian tribes aren't stopping at running casinos; they're also dabbling in loan sharking. Soon to be followed by hijacking Lufthansa cargo, being chased by helicopters while running guns and cooking veal cutlets  (greatfallstribune.com)	(82)
		Why we make bad decisions, whether it's supporting Occupy Wall Street, buying those baggy jeans, or listening to Nickelback  (salon.com)	(120)
		This is the story of a woman. A woman who lost her father to a massive heart attack. A woman who learned who her father was...by watching his opening and closing narrations on... The Twilight Zone  (salon.com)	(43)
		The Seattle Police Department; winning the hearts and minds of the public one kick to the groin at a time  (komonews.com)	(123)

		Someone took all those teenagers complaining about not getting a car or iPhone for Christmas and turned them into a song. Not safe for work lyrics  (youtube.com)	(49)
		Online internet web group of cyberspace computer virus hackers known as "Anonymous" is planning to invade your homes through the You Tube. Luckily, WND has enough heirloom seeds and robot insurance to quell the oncoming hordes  (wnd.com)	(176)
		Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris involved in custody battle over puppy. She misses the droopy eyes, face licking, whining for attention. She also misses the dog  (bittenandbound.com)	(5)
		Declining sales finally putting Lotus up on blocks  (businessweek.com)	(27)
		Newt breaks his "positive campaigning only" vow by attacking Mitt "the Massachusetts Moderate," says Mitt wanted him to and it was totally amicable  (cbsnews.com)	(56)
(Some Guy)		Rex Ryan claims that he would not be interested in Peyton Manning, then excuses himself to powder his growing nose  (nfl.com)	(30)

(azfamily.com)		Man who found a burnt cross and a threatening note tied to a brick in his yard thinks whoever left them there is either a racist or has a problem with his DirectTV installation business  (azfamily.com)	(79)
		Doctor Who 2011 Christmas Special Review. Humany woomany comments to the right (Warning: spoilers)  (guardian.co.uk)	(93)
		Victoria Principal planning on being one of the world's first space tourists, still looks out of this world at 61  (dailymail.co.uk)	(40)
		If you're on the verge of winning your Fantasy Football pool, it's probably because you drafted David Akers as your kicker  (seattlepi.com)	(93)
(Some Londoner)		Want to see a city completely empty of people? Try London on Christmas morning  (ianvisits.co.uk)	(66)

(Some Guy)		Okay photo-Farkers, if you've gotten a new camera and flash this Christmas/ Diwali/ Kwanzaa/ Hannukah/ Festivus/ Hitler's Birthday, this is a pretty good blog for learning how to use flashes  (strobist.blogspot.com)	(41)
		The NBA returns for its truncated 2011/2012 season, but will the fans be back, as well? It's a Christmas Quintupleheader to open the season, with games beginning at Noon on TNT, 2:30 PM on ABC, and 8 PM on ESPN  (scores.espn.go.com)	(166)

		Admit it. You have lots of questions about Christianity, but none more burning than whether or not Jesus had an in-style hairdo  (slate.com)	(108)
		As if he had to remind everyone that he's a badass, Santa Claus pulls a man from a burning car THEN directs traffic around the flames to help keep passing motorists and pedestrians out of harm's way  (abcnews.go.com)	(18)
		Displaced hoser tries to discern meaning of Canadian Christmas by listening to 12 straight hours of Canadian artists' greatest holiday albums and songs. "Why didn't anyone prepare me for how awful Rita MacNeil is?"  (avclub.com)	(40)

		Q: What do you call a guy who finished last in medical school? A: Better qualified than some of the hacks running around in Army hospitals  (cnn.com)	(83)
		Archaeologists uncover ancient holy scripture containing True Account of Rudolph  (finance.yahoo.com)	(19)
		Cafe owner posts sign of himself threatening Santa with a knife, saying "Eat here or the old bastard gets it". Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this  (dailymail.co.uk)	(34)
		Apparently Boise State won a bowl game last night against some team with a losing record. Oh, and their QB became the all time winningest QB in FBS history while playing for an FCS caliber team  (scores.espn.go.com)	(130)
		Cleaning crew finds meth lab in apartment. That's *so* coming out of your security deposit  (mcall.com)	(28)
		Five stunning art masterpieces you won't believe were created with MS Excel  (techeblog.com)	(40)
		What time is it when the leading "fact checker" declares its "Lie of the Year" comes from a liberal? Why, it's time to begin questioning whether "fact checkers" do more harm than good, of course  (npr.org)	(395)

(Some guy)		Still Burning: "She shows up tardy one day and hears her name called over the loud speaker to come to the principal's office. She spends the next five days behind bars"  (clarionledger.com)	(154)
(Some Guy)		The gay and lesbian community of Minnesota apologize for forcing Amy Koch to have an affair and threatening "the institution of marriage"   (ontd-political.livejournal.com)	(151)
		Those ding-dongs at Hostess are planning to declare bankruptcy for the ho-ho holidays  (nypost.com)	(57)
		While North Korea is consumed with mourning for their dead leader; North Korean defectors in the south are holding equally enthusiastic "We're glad you're dead you miserable bastard" rallies  (npr.org)	(83)
		Vatican announces they were shut out from obtaining the Vatican.xxx web address due to a clerical error  (stuff.co.nz)	(27)
		Warning: Do not taunt Happy Fun African Bull Frog  (youtube.com)	(49)

(Some Guy)		It's one thing to be the criminal mastermind behind the thefts of all the Baby Jesus' from outdoor nativity scenes in your town. But do you have to put the remaining figures left behind in sexually suggestive positions as well?  (peninsuladailynews.com)	(72)
		If you happen to find a winning Powerball ticket from June 29, the Georgia Lottery would like a word with you by next Tuesday  (ajc.com)	(32)
		Five things you may not know about Jon Huntsman. Conspicuously missing from the list: He's running for president  (npr.org)	(33)
		Bradley Manning's Klinger photos ignored by army, now hotlips on prison radar for hawkeye pierce  (openchannel.msnbc.msn.com)	(112)
		Far from turning the town of Wukan into a smoking crater, Chinese authorities are actually caving in to the town's demands and are giving them their prisoners and some of their land back  (washingtonpost.com)	(21)
		Get ready for Avian Flu XXII: The Oh-Farkening  (dailymail.co.uk)	(54)
		Man who lost his wallet containing $5,600 in cash has it returned less than 24 hours after it went missing  (wxyz.com)	(84)

(People Daily)		Before you feel up one of the lovely airline stewardesses Singapore is known for, you may want to recall that Singapore is also known for "caning"  (english.peopledaily.com.cn)	(54)
		University of Texas College Republicans President tweets: "My president is black. He snorts a lot of crack." Is our children learning, indeed  (huffingtonpost.com)	(283)
		ESPN analyst Craig James to capitalize on his success in hounding Mike Leach out of Texas Tech by running for US Senate  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(66)
		Louisiana Walmart introduces handicap scooter bumper car competition to spice up the early-morning hours at the store  (thesmokinggun.com)	(29)

(Some Guy)		If you're having sex with another man under the "Welcome to Caseyville" sign, you're probably not going to get off with a warning. Not even you, Sheriff. (with creepy mugshot)  (bnd.com)	(105)
		Meet Kim Jong Chul, the son of Kim Jong Il that was "too soft and feminine" to be the next Dear Leader, meaning he has a knack for writing poetry about how the world should be free of nukes and we should all live in harmony  (iheartchaos.com)	(100)
(Some Guy)		"Warning: Massachusetts Border 500 Feet"  (newburyportnews.com)	(215)
		When the revolution comes, it won't be started by protestors in city parks, it will come from people like residents of Jefferson County, AL, who, thanks to JP Morgan, now have to choose between affording electricity or running water  (news.yahoo.com)	(389)
		Planning on going out drinking? Don't sleep it off on your own couch, or you might wake up surrounded by a SWAT team who have been waiting patiently for you to release your hostages  (buffalonews.com)	(106)
		Photoshop Theme: the last thing you want to find under your tree on Christmas morning  (google.com)	(42)

		When you're dressed in women's clothes and trying to rob a McDonald's, running into a hungry Homeland Security agent can be a real drag  (palmbeachpost.com)	(38)
		Man who earned $360,000 running small city housing authority didn't know his cell phone location history was a public record. Let's see how he spent his time  (boston.com)	(132)
		Legislators resigning since they can't fundraise during legislative sessions. Cue the tiny violins  (cbsnews.com)	(58)
		Now I get the hype; Tebowmania: "The emotional state of the gambler who put $100 on Denver's money line six weeks ago and turned that $100 into $24,288 during the Broncos' six-game winning streak.''  (boston.com)	(26)

		Comcast is signing up new customers now that they're pretending not to be Comcast  (articles.philly.com)	(49)
(Some Guy)		During an opening monologue from 1998, Jimmy Fallon predicted he would one day host SNL. Tonight that prediction comes true, missing the exact date by less than a week  (nbc.com)	(17)
		Google patents the idea of driverless cars scanning QR codes to find out where they are then using the internet to find out where Sarah Connor lives  (dailymail.co.uk)	(24)
		There's a jackknifed tractor trailer careening out of control on ice and heading right toward you. Do you scream like a schoolgirl or calmly stop the car and laugh with your buddy after the truck barely misses you  (liveleak.com)	(55)
		Online criminal background checks may be accurate 99% of the time. Maybe. The remaining 1% leaves you homeless and class action lawyers rich  (telegram.com)	(77)

		It is general rule of thumb that if you are driving drunk, avoid going over someone's flower beds. "He wasn't gardening. He was driving" police said  (pennlive.com)	(18)
		Rooney Mara beat off competition from Scarlett Johansson & Natalie Portman to get the coveted lead in "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by getting drunk and auditioning while hung over  (starpulse.com)	(218)
		Dutch reconsider their cunning "kill our only industry" plan  (travel.usatoday.com)	(60)
		Driver going 25 over limit, playing with computer, and not wearing seat belt crashes into tree. In other news, there's a job opening in the Delray Beach police department  (sun-sentinel.com)	(88)
		As everyone else in Hollywood slams the Kardashians (in both meanings of the word), Clint Eastwood actually decides to join them  (shortlist.com)	(38)

(Poughkeepsie Journal)		Teacher A misses a staff meeting and is questioned on her absence by Teacher B, whereupon Teacher A pulls out a screwdriver and gets all stabby. If the screwdriver is 16cm long, what is the probability of the stabbing happening in Poughkeepsie?   (poughkeepsiejournal.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)		Not news: A former administrative assistant for the Maine Trial Lawyers Association admitted in court this morning to embezzling $166,000. FARK: Most of the money was used to purchase sheep and thugs  (kjonline.com)	(29)
		Well all right, but apart from inventing a white Christmas, sympathetic view of poverty, red tape, modern character comedy dialogue, modern film conventions and meaningful character names, what has Charles Dickens ever done for us?  (bbc.co.uk)	(121)
		The Salon Hack List 2011: "Criteria for inclusion included being wrong about literally everything, shameless sycophancy, appearing on 'Morning Joe' and being 'Morning Joe'"  (salon.com)	(86)
		Research finds most bar fights begin on the dance floor, most entertaining fights begin in the ladies' room  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com)	(59)
		"Imagine one day that suddenly and without warning, every single vehicle in the United States built after the 1970s was totally incapable of running"  (english.pravda.ru)	(199)

(Some Guy)		During November and December of last year over 13,000 people were treated in ERs nationwide due to injuries involving holiday decorations. If there is a "war on Christmas" I'd say Christmas is winning  (emaxhealth.com)	(44)
		"Jason Bourne's got his memory back three times in a row now... It's not amnesia, you have a learning disability," said the star regarding his return to the franchise, adding, "MAAAAATT DAAAAAMON"  (nydailynews.com)	(27)
		Remember that woman who was opening a school for sex in Austria? Yeah, she was faking it. Cocktease  (thelocal.se)	(43)
		Wonder Woman, She-Hulk and Catwoman give themselves breast exams in Mozambique. Seriously, that's what's happening  (io9.com)	(57)
		Increasing numbers of students are turning to lap dancing and prostitution to pay their way through university. Amazingly, some people have a problem with this  (dailymail.co.uk)	(613)
		Well GOP the good news is that Obama's unfavorable rating with voters is that it's highest level ever. The bad news? Independents are running away from Newt like rats from a sinking ship  (abcnews.go.com)	(69)
		NYT reports on increasingly popular trend of hipsters abandoning Facebook because it's too mainstream. With pic of prototypical hipster  (nytimes.com)	(201)
		Mall security guard finds envelope containing $300 in Christmas money and note with kids' clothing sizes, goes all CSI and tracks down grateful and dumbfounded owner using only the note and security camera footage  (helenair.com)	(76)
		Meet the 22-year-old who's turning the GOP race upside down from his couch  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(84)

(Some Evader)		US European Command requires traveling speakers to undergo Survival, Evasion, Resistance, Escape (SERE) training before visiting dangerous, exotic locations like Edinburgh, Scotland  (cnas.org)	(69)
		This year's Christmas must-have gift for kids: Spinning Tops. Next thing you know, those little whippersnappers will be pushing steel hoops down the pathway with a stick. Now excuse me while I go get some fresh onions for my belt  (npr.org)	(73)
		But really, who among us hasn't accidentally killed his prostitute fiancee during a meth and bondage party, then driven cross-country with her corpse in his truck before burning it all?  (washingtonpost.com)	(163)
		WARNING: Agent Bear 14 has broken cover. Repeat, Agent Bear 14 has broken cover. Deploy cover story. Send lawyers, guns. and money  (liveleak.com)	(26)

		Mitt Romney decides to shmooze with a Vietnam veteran on a campaign stop; a gay Vietnam vet dining with his husband. Fabulous hilarity ensues  (huffingtonpost.com)	(265)
		Iranians becoming more like Americans every day; they're threatening to sue the US over the drone that went down in their territory  (bbc.co.uk)	(101)
		Brian Urlacher after the game: "He's a good running back"  (sports.yahoo.com)	(204)
		US Coast Guard issues stern warning about overweight American's gross tonnage  (palmbeachpost.com)	(55)

		It turns out that "promoting Christ" by donning paramilitary gear and staging a home invasion isn't really a good idea after all   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(110)
		Chuck Schumer thinks that all the TSA needs to fix itself is a "passenger advocate," position to be filled by the agency that's needing help determining "right" from "wrong" in the first place  (abcnews.go.com)	(98)
		Before you start tearing down the walls of your home because you hear your girlfriend calling for help behind one, first make sure she's not actually vacationing in Texas  (sltrib.com)	(33)

		Tonight at 8PM, the remaining GOP candidates square off for a debate in Des Moines, Iowa in an attempt to be the last seated when the music stops. Here's a handy rundown of the hopefuls, from RON PAUL to the corndog lady  (caucuses.desmoinesregister.com)	(882)
		Russian opposition parties get robocalls chanting "Putin is life; Putin is the light; love Putin and your life will have meaning; Putin will give you happiness; Putin will open your eyes." Romney aides start taking notes furiously  (sfgate.com)	(71)
(WJAC)		Six-alarm fire destroys Punxsutawney Hotel. Local weatherman sought for questioning, last seen driving on railroad tracks  (wjactv.com)	(59)
(Digital Music News)		93% of Americans listen to broadcast radio; remaining 7% have good taste in music  (digitalmusicnews.com)	(81)

(Some Guy)		1) Make false alarm call to 911. 2) Rob empty firehouse C) Prof.... er - Get caught by returning firemen  (chicago.cbslocal.com)	(27)
		Media reports Chris Paul traded to Lakers for Gasol and Odom, but Commish Stern kills the deal. Training camp starts tomorrow. Awkward  (washingtonpost.com)	(308)

		Stunning explanation given for bankrupt US brokerage firm missing $1.2bn: "I simply do not know where the money is," adding "Seriously, we looked behind the couch and everything"  (bbc.co.uk)	(251)
(RTV6)		Colts owner Jim Irsay sees no reason to string along Indianapolis fans any longer, admits Manning probably won't play in 2011  (theindychannel.com)	(103)
		Yet more evidence that's ESPN fake "Total QB" rating is Total BS: QBs rated ahead of Eli Manning this week included Tyler Palko, Dan Orlovsky, Blaine Gabbert, and Josh Johnson  (espn.go.com)	(51)
		Archie Manning: "I talked to Andrew Luck's father and we both think it is best for everyone if Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck were not playing on the same team"  (sports.yahoo.com)	(94)
		Woman involved in bicycle crash while training for the London Paralympic games, now out of the hospital and hopes to compete as a cyclist during the Olympic games instead. Wait... Something's backwards here  (nbcsports.msnbc.com)	(19)
		With Kermit on the run and Gonzo being held in a secret location for his own safety, the lamestream drive-by mainstream LSDBMSM media have circled their wagons around the remaining Muppets for the endgame battle against the right wing blogodome   (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(81)

		Google: "Next version of Android will finally bring polished apps and a remedy for frAgdroid." Amazon: "And it's out now and running on the Kindle Fire"  (engadget.com)	(59)
		Are you smarter than a 4th grader? (Warning: It's all math)  (washingtonpost.com)	(141)
		Going to the casino and winning has slim odds, but following the winners home and robbing them gets you a 100% payout  (chicagotribune.com)	(106)
		The solar winds are ruining any future opportunity for lunar crop farming  (theregister.co.uk)	(16)
		If you had any doubts, Huntsman is running for the GOP nomination after all  (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)	(95)
		Threatening to kill city workers will not get power restored to your neighborhood any quicker, but it will get you a cozy little room with light and heat  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(11)
		The possibility of hearing somebody ordering a Half-Lite Venti Budweiser Macchiato has just become a frightening reality  (huffingtonpost.com)	(17)

		BeautifulPeople.com is thrown off of eBay for auctioning a date with the Virgin Mary. Still no word on your chances with that hot little number in the center wearing the fur coat  (telegraph.co.uk)	(29)
		TSA: searches your bags, subjects them to X-ray screening, makes you remove your belt and shoes, only lets you have 3 oz shampoo. Airlines: Welcome to your flight, here's a metal can which can be easily fashioned into a sharp blade  (youtube.com)	(62)
(CBS Sports)		Apparently, signing Jeff Garcia as the third-string quarterback is what Houston needed to do to get a thread. Happy now, Texans fans?  (cbssports.com)	(52)
		Boise State tired of winning, joins real conference  (espn.go.com)	(160)
		Jesse James blames Sandra Bullock for ruining his life  (dailystab.com)	(129)
		Study shows the potato chip you choose Lays the groundwork for determining your social status  (upi.com)	(120)
		Egypt is taken over by the Islamists not democracy, world stunned. Except for Israel who running shouting, told ya so told ya so, na na na na  (globalspin.blogs.time.com)	(409)
(Some Guy)		Suspicious item found at San Diego baseball park; authorities determine the item to be a winning season  (10news.com)	(15)
		MFers ignored several warnings from chief risk officer about firm's bet on European bonds. Stupid MFers  (nypost.com)	(5)
		Instead of scoring the game winning TD, delivering his school its first ever championship, QB flagged for illegal celebration for raising his hand before scoring  (bostonherald.com)	(223)

		Government agency to provide free morning-after pills this Christmas season to any ho, ho, hos that request them over the phone  (telegraph.co.uk)	(137)
		S&P likely to put nearly the entire EU on warning for a credit downgrade. This is bad news for...nah, we're all farked now  (cnbc.com)	(95)
		This zip-lining bulldog doesn't give a solitary shiat  (shortlist.com)	(12)
		"American Psycho" author feels terrible about bullying victims and wonders what can be done. Just kidding, he wants them to stop whining and man up: "You lose. Deal with it"  (gawker.com)	(270)
		Patriots fans throw snowballs and batteries at Peyton Manning in Foxboro ... just kidding, they're disappointed he wasn't playing and wished him a speedy recovery. This isn't Philadelphia, after all  (espn.go.com)	(85)
(The Local - France)		France passes law banning prostitution by criminalizing paying for sex, thus guaranteeing married men will never get laid again  (thelocal.fr)	(49)

(Some Guy)		School puts up Ten Commandments display. Student complains, prompts ACLU to file lawsuit. Of course, the school wants to force the court to release the student's name and are calling him a "coward" for remaining anonymous  (roanoke.com)	(411)
		Man claims he was running a "clean" escort service but "Craigslist really filthed it up"  (omaha.com)	(34)
		Herman Cain's 1986 Sexual Harassment Training Video  (funnyordie.com)	(17)
		Conservatives are suddenly making the stunning realization that John Huntsman is not Romney  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(85)
(TimeFreePress)		Sex with minors, snorting crushed pills, storing porn on city owned phones, shooting other officers and running from other law enforcement agencies... just another day in the Cleveland (Tennessee) Police Department  (timesfreepress.com)	(55)
		Christmas 2011: Explaining to your kids that their toys are rentals  (dailymail.co.uk)	(38)

(Environmental Graffiti)		The 10 creepiest abandoned water parks on Earth. (Warning : Slideshow, but worth it)  (environmentalgraffiti.com)	(101)
		As if governing New Jersey wasn't bad enough, now former MF Global CEO Jon Corzine has been subpoenaed to appear before House panel  (foxbusiness.com)	(25)
		Scott Walker is wondering where he should send the bill for cleaning up the capitol. (voting enabled)  (jsonline.com)	(75)
		Britney Spears turns 30 today. Let's go back 20 years ago, to the beginning  (youtube.com)	(17)
		Peyton Manning given green light to increase activity. Injury becoming less of a pain in the neck  (espn.go.com)	(14)
		In the sickening sports world of child molestation and brute, ego-driven domination, there is one but one man whose actions show us what it means to be a leader. Bless us, oh Tebow, and show us the light  (washingtonpost.com)	(57)
		"And the car dealer says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but just before you die, you will be given a two-second warning.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(9)

(Some Weave)		Photoshop this caning craft   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com)	(23)
		In addition to making you send unremembered, early morning, sexually charged emails to your boss, Ambien also can wake brain injury victims from a persistent vegetative state  (nytimes.com)	(147)
		AT&T is complaining about the FCC continuing to look at those pesky facts about its proposed merger with T-Mobile  (chicagotribune.com)	(19)
		When designing a bikini lap dance contest, don't place flimsy lawn chairs on the edge of the stage, or else drunk college kids will fall over and be further humiliated...Okay, on second thought, do  (trutv.com)	(124)
		Jennifer Aniston's high-maintenance tendencies might send Justin Theroux running for Angelina Jolie and/or Brad Pitt  (showbizspy.com)	(22)

(Some Guy)		Ohio is redesigning their license plates. Let's help them design one that accurately depicts the state  (dispatch.com)	(60)
(Some Guy)		Best Craigslist job opening ad ever, if you're a bodyguard/assassin with a hot twin sister  (washingtondc.craigslist.org)	(111)
		Looking back at our country's history, we can see that banning interracial marriages was a closed-minded practice back... oh, right now  (kentucky.com)	(187)
		Peyton Manning shows off his eight-month-old son. Five NFL teams make preparations to go 0-16 in 2032  (dailymail.co.uk)	(40)
		Were you planning that big family vacation to Chernobyl this year? I've got some bad news for you  (travel.usatoday.com)	(30)
		Good news, everybody. Now you can go hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt earning a college degree in how to play video games  (usatoday.com)	(42)
(XKCD)		"If you want something done right, learning from the Nazis isn't enough. You have to put them in charge too"  (xkcd.com)	(98)
		After 14 years of failed peacemaking initiatives between a Florida woman and her neighbor, the woman takes one last stab at reconciliation, mooning the neighbor and warning of her 'Cuban temper.' With I'd hit it pic  (blogs.tcpalm.com)	(54)
		Scientists identify "morning person" gene. Researchers tentatively call it Couric7AM  (abcnews.go.com)	(72)
		Scientists receive $6 million to create earthquake early warning system. Suggestions are to make an ultra sensitive seismograph with computerized monitoring, or just get a dog  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(22)
(Some Guy)		One day you're Orlando's Sexiest Man of 2007 and the next you're the prime suspect in the disappearance of your ex-fiance. Oh how the mighty have fallen (Warning: Mighty Man Pics)  (xl1067.com)	(29)

(Some Guy)		You know in the cartoons when an animal makes a perfect silouette running through a door? Yeah. Not so much in real life. So here's a deer running through a car wash. Your argument is invalid  (ulocal.wmur.com)	(19)
(Some puzzled rescuers)		"We saw two men, who were Iranians, drowning in the sea. We took them on our boat and battled the sea 45 minutes until we reached land. They hugged and kissed us, but when we told them we were Israelis, they got up and ran away"  (ynetnews.com)	(88)
(Lost Lettermen)		Jim Tressel, former National Championship-winning head coach of THE Ohio State University, interviewing for the coaching vacancy at THE University of Akron  (lostlettermen.com)	(72)
(Whatever)		Not news: Hugo winning author John Scalzi live tweets while rewatching LoTR trilogy. Still not news: Asks for dubsteb remix of Smeagol fish battering scene. Fark: Gets it the next day  (whatever.scalzi.com)	(79)
		British coastguard alert ships in Bristol Channel to avoid a two-door compact car last seen bobbing up and down off the pier at Mumbles. Alert cancelled this morning when car discovered washed up on beach at nearby Raised-Eyebrows-on-Sea  (bbc.co.uk)	(31)
		Sotheby's to auction Apple's founding contract, complete with signatures of Steve Wozniak, Steve Jobs--and Ron Wayne, whose $800, 10% share he sold back to the Steves days after signing would be worth a cool $3.5 billion today  (macworld.com)	(17)
		"According to NFL Senior VP of public relations Greg Aiello, the league has no policy concerning players urinating on the sidelines"  (nydailynews.com)	(38)
(Some Dad)		Marine returning from Afghanistan comes home covered in dust. Most of it got into his daughter's eyes when he surprised her at school. Some drifted this way, too  (welcomehomeblog.com)	(95)
		Doctors want to add warning labels to magazine ads and billboards alerting viewers that the images of celebrities have been digitally retouched  (mnn.com)	(16)
		RON PAUL pretends to be a friendly Libertarian, but in truth RON PAUL is a true supporter of the rich. That's right, RON PAUL only cares about the rich. But does anyone think he's got a snowball's chance in hell of winning? No  (salon.com)	(292)
		Marmite: Love it or hate it... or be inconvenienced by its life-threatening tendencies  (guardian.co.uk)	(33)

(Deadspin)		WFAN's Mike Francesa was no cunning linguist when he tried to say "Wild Card Hunt" & mixed up two of the letters  (deadsp.in)	(37)
		Pima County AZ SWAT team learning that it's a lot harder to sweep a questionable shooting under the rug when the guy you shoot is a Marine vet you can't even pretend was a bad guy  (news.yahoo.com)	(463)
		Republicans may not have thought their cunning Solyndra plan all the way through, as it may actually put them on a collision course with the US military   (idealab.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(138)
		Tebows short the Chargers as Tebow guides game winning FG in OT  (sports.espn.go.com)	(267)
		Surname hyphenation, TNG: Some parents are realizing that there may be down-sides to saddling their new tyke with a name like "Joey Wilde-Cunningham-Lindquist"   (nytimes.com)	(295)
		Enraged Pakistanis are protesting the US government and burning Obama in effigy, now edge Gingrich in recent GOP polls  (news.yahoo.com)	(126)
(TechZwn)		You don't have to be a mad scientist to build ten-story Tesla coils and tell the media you're working on "being able to control where lightning strikes," but it certainly helps  (techzwn.com)	(29)

		Oh great. Being heir to the throne, fabulously wealthy, and having a beautiful wife should be good enough for just about anyone. Then Prince William has to up the ante by saving drowning sailors  (dailymail.co.uk)	(190)
		Countdown begins for the annual burning of the Swedish Christmas Goat  (thelocal.se)	(34)
		Huffington Post sees if their readers have been as observant as the FARK regulars by running a link to the Fark Weird News Quiz  (huffingtonpost.com)	(0)
(sb nation)		The Colts are intentionally planning to lose the last six games. Here's the proof  (indiana.sbnation.com)	(69)

		"Rocky" has been named the favorite sports film of the UK. Sorry, "Cool Runnings"  (starpulse.com)	(75)
		You're manning a Pakistani outpost on the Afghan border, when you spot some NATO helo gunships. Do you c) fire warning shots at them?  (msnbc.msn.com)	(174)
		Regarding UC Davis: "I have never seen such an inappropriate and improper use of chemical agents." Of all the stupid, knee-jerk, liberal whining...oh the guy who invented pepper spray said that? Well crap  (nytimes.com)	(413)
		Local TV newscast apparently not aware of the meaning of "Black Friday', goes with "Black Holiday Shoppers" instead. Close enough?  (mediaite.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)		Police superintendent whose force ran radar speed trap is outraged after judge enforces Pennsylvania law banning local police from using radar  (delcotimes.com)	(75)

(Happy Turkey Day)		"I was making ziti with the meat gravy, and I'm planning to roast peppers over the flames and I had some beautiful cutlets, cut just right, that I was going to fry up before dinner as an appetizer." 50 great food moments in film  (newyork.timeout.com)	(114)
		The Buffalo Sabres exact revenge on Milan Lucic for "running" Ryan Miller. Just kidding, Paul Gaustad was sent out to fight Lucic and got beaten down. Bruins win 10th straight  (sports.espn.go.com)	(72)
(PhillyBurbs)		Good: State lets gambling addicts add themselves to list of people barred from casinos. Bad: Casinos let them in anyway, then seize their winnings because they're on the list  (phillyburbs.com)	(56)
		Sienna Miller: "I would often find myself, at the age of 21, at midnight, running down a dark street on my own with 10 men chasing me. And the fact they had cameras in their hands made that legal"  (cbsnews.com)	(92)
		40 years ago today, a man with enormous brass balls jumped out of the back of an airborne Boeing 727, with a knapsack full of cash, and a neck tie containing titanium  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com)	(118)
		Pet owners using GPS technology to keep track of their animals. If there was only some kind of restraining device owners could buy to keep pets tethered  (yourlife.usatoday.com)	(22)

		A teaser of the upcoming Headline of the Year contests that will be starting at the beginning of December, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/13 - 11/19  (fark.com)	(13)
		The Edward Wellington Mouseripper Society would like to cordially invite you to an evening of classical music  (youtube.com)	(6)
		Kirstie Alley weight loss regimen includes low carb eating, cardio training, cigarette butt lift  (dailymail.co.uk)	(26)
		TiVo earnings get a thumbs-down. Bong  (finance.yahoo.com)	(28)

		Nickelback as you've never seen them before: entertaining (Not safe for work language)  (funnyordie.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		I'm not sure which is more baffling, stabbing a man with an ice pick in a road rage incident, or owning an ice pick in Florida  (baynews9.com)	(44)
		Yahoo picks this year's fantasy turkeys -- seven of the eight guys who've been Manning your bench this year  (sports.yahoo.com)	(63)
		Despite not pitching a single inning, Ryan Braun wins the NL MVP  (espn.go.com)	(46)
		You own a legendary Brooklyn pizzeria, just been shuttered by the Health Department for "mouse droppings". There's STILL mice running through the joint. Do you (C) let a reporter inside for an interview & pose for photos?  (brooklynpaper.com)	(78)
		Ellen Page rumored to be in The Dark Knight Rises. This really *is* turning out to be an Inception reunion. (possible spoiler)  (pastemagazine.com)	(81)
		Hewlett-Packard profits down 91%. Company tries desperately to reboot earnings, investors look to cache in their chips  (mercurynews.com)	(37)
		If you're planning to rob a supermarket then a) check how much can fit in your trunk, b) make sure you have enough fuel and c) try not to do it while being filmed  (shortlist.com)	(10)
		Obama pardoning a bunch of his hippy pothead friends  (huffingtonpost.com)	(105)
		Fox News: Stop whining about being pepper sprayed, it's just a food seasoning. I'm sure Bill O'Reilly would consent to being Gatoradeboarded  (gawker.com)	(188)

		Manning returns, may play Sunday vs. Jacksonville, AFC South thrown into chaos  (blog.chron.com)	(35)
		Which Tom Brady will show up tonight: the Super Bowl winning legend, or Jake-winning 4 INTs in one game Brady? Great Googly Moogly, it's the New England Patriots vs. the Kansas City Chiefs on Monday Night Football, 8:30 PM ET on ESPN  (espn.go.com)	(775)
(Cambridge News)		"Hello? Yeah, I'm on my way. I'm just coming into some place called, erm... 'Warning Low Bridge'. Jeez, these English villages have really weird nam-"  (cambridge-news.co.uk)	(31)
(Some Guy)		While running aroung like a chicken with his head cut off squawking about creating jobs, Obama fails to notice that his signature health care law is doing the exact opposite  (blog.heritage.org)	(190)
		Ozzy Osbourne lands radio show. Don't miss "Unintelligible Gibberish in the Morning" on SiriusXM  (starpulse.com)	(39)
		Thanks to the tireless efforts of the GOP Democrats are gaining an early lock on an important voting bloc, EVERYONE HISPANIC  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(191)

		Early vote count has Spain's center-right party winning that country's parliamentary election. For those of you playing in the US, substitute "far-left, socialist, communist, pinko party"  (uk.news.yahoo.com)	(97)
(Some Awesome Fanboy)		If you want to keep the Irish from moving to America, just smile and tell them how AWESOME they look. WARNING: Prepare to be offended  (fluentin3months.com)	(267)
		Study designed to illustrate just how effeminate Britain has become says men take longer to get ready than women -- including more time cleansing, toning and moisturizing  (telegraph.co.uk)	(98)
(Some Guy)		With Oregon and Oklahoma joining Oklahoma State in the "Weekend of Choke", can we all agree now that the BCS is a heaping, steaming pile of boolsheet and needs to be ditched?  (collegefootball.rivals.com)	(273)

		Not quite poor yet because you're still earning a paycheck, but almost there? Welcome to America's 'near poor', according to the Census Bureau  (nytimes.com)	(326)
		National Lampoon credits FARK for turning them on to the beat of the Queens University band. "Best Band Ever? (via @fark)"  (nationallampoon.com)	(1)
		"Stafford was fined $7,500 for 'grabbing an opponent by the helmet opening.' Also, Bears receiver Earl Bennett was fined $10,000 for a uniform violation; he wore dominantly orange shoes"  (espn.go.com)	(80)
		30 inexplicably damning reviews for awesome movies. More Ebert can be expected  (shortlist.com)	(172)
(SaveOnBrew)		Five ways to tell if you're a prententious beer douche. Running a snarky website while drinking Heineken somehow missing from the list  (saveonbrew.com)	(125)
		The only winning Black Friday game is not to play  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)	(61)

(Some Guy)		Rule #3 of robbing someone's house. Try not lo leave yourself logged into Facebook, your car running in the driveway, AND your parole card in your wallet on the seat (3 Likes - 2 Comments)  (atlanta.cbslocal.com)	(18)
		Day care teacher pierces child's ears after obtaining permission from: a) the parents, b) the legal guardian, or c) the five-year-old  (star-telegram.com)	(46)
		Tea Partiers meet with Occupy protestors in Memphis. Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship  (npr.org)	(249)
		Skateboarding down a bobsled run at 50mph is some cool running (w/video)  (gizmodo.com)	(24)

		Photos of Mike Krzyzewski with President Bukrz, Krzyne Battier, and others. Warning: slidekrzow   (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(8)
(Some Guy)		Since Herman Cain announced he was running for President, Godfather's Pizza has come to be viewed more positively by Republicans, more negatively by Dems. Independents have always thought it was soggy cardboard  (brandindex.com)	(95)
		Pentagon tests hypersonic flying bomb that has the ability to strike targets anywhere in the world in less than a hour. Damn that's fast... and threatening  (physorg.com)	(122)
		Earth is running a current-account surplus with extra-terrestrials  (economist.com)	(22)
		12 stunning photographs for the National Geographic nature photography competition  (dailymail.co.uk)	(64)
(asahi.com)		Patriotic Japanese downing sake in mass quantities to benefit Fukushima disaster recovery. Yeah, that'sh the ticket  (ajw.asahi.com)	(20)
		New report says that 35mm film for movies will be gone by 2015. James Cameron now planning to shoot Avatar 2 with iPhone 4S  (dailymail.co.uk)	(17)
		In the name of fighting social and economic inequality, high unemployment, greed, corruption, and undue influence of corporations - Occupy DC is going to F up your commute to work this morning  (myfoxdc.com)	(214)

		Winning: Obama's DUI-busted illegal alien Uncle Onyango clerking at liquor store  (tmz.com)	(80)
		Arizona immigration bill successful...in turning Arizona into swing state  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(94)
(pro football talk)		Peyton Manning denies rumors that he'll be the next coach at University of Mississippi. "Just tell them that I'm 0-10 as an assistant for Indianapolis"   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(97)
		NASA making some extra scratch by renting out their neutral buoyancy pool to an oil company training firm  (chron.com)	(8)
(Mercury Poisoned)		After finally realizing that nobody cares anymore, '72 Dolphins only planning a toast if the Packers do go 19-0  (thepostgame.com)	(83)
		Four months before Penn State sex scandal, Joe Paterno transfers ownership of $594,000 house to wife for $1. Now claims it was just part of multi-year estate planning program  (nytimes.com)	(239)
(Buffalo.com)		Buffalo Bills take break from winning to pursue rap career  (home.buffalo.com)	(23)

		Killing, skinning and eating a bobcat isn't normal. But on meth it is  (mercurynews.com)	(73)
(Some Guy)		If your wife received two gunshot wounds because you were "cleaning your gun" the police might have a problem with that  (wmur.com)	(80)
		The War on Christmas taken to a frightening new level with the deployment of anti-aircraft weapons  (msnbc.msn.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)		Photos from pole dancing competition. Warning slideshow. Now you know why the lights are so low  (29-95.com)	(143)
		It's the beginning of the end for Community as NBC puts it on midseason hiatus to make way for the return of 30 Rock. Evil Troy and evil Abed finally get their revenge  (washingtonpost.com)	(137)

		Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music....So happy b'day XBox  (metronews.ca)	(59)
		"Oft-bankrupt former fake presidential candidate and television clown Donald Trump announced on Fox and Friends this morning that he is very close to announcing his presidential endorsement." HONK  (salon.com)	(93)
		When returning your rental car, don't forget the half million dollars worth of cocaine you hid in the doors  (mercurynews.com)	(46)
(CBS Local)		It seems that retailers forgot one small thing about opening their stores at 10PM and Midnight on Thanksgiving: their employees want to spend time with their families on the holiday  (detroit.cbslocal.com)	(218)
		There's a quarterback controversy quietly brewing for the Arizona Cardinals. This would be huge news if it was happening in New York or Green Bay  (azcentral.com)	(72)
		Guess what the Catholic Church's chief paedophile investigator was just arrested for. Go ahead...guess  (dailymail.co.uk)	(206)

		If you break into an ex-girlfriend's house and light her ironing board on fire, it's a pretty good bet that she'll press charges  (nwfdailynews.com)	(38)
		CBS sends out email warning people that Michele Bachmann won't get any questions because she no longer stands a chance at securing the GOP nomination. Unfortunately, they sent the email to her staff as well  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(91)

(Some Blood-Sport Fan)		Velasquez vs Dos Santos airs live and free on FOX at 9pm ET / 6pm PT. Beginning at 4:45pm ET / 1:45pm ET, viewers can watch nine prelim bouts for free on Foxsports.com or on Facebook  (ufc.com)	(443)
		Mark Twain once said "I simply can't resist a cat, particularly a purring one. They are the cleanest, cunningest, and most intelligent things I know..." Sounds like he would have really enjoyed Caturday  (blogs.courant.com)	(too many)
		Good: Danica McKellar is returning to TV. Bad: in a made-for-TV movie. Worse: It's a horror film called Tasmanian Devil. Fail: It's a SyFy Channel original movie  (huffingtonpost.com)	(76)
		Qatar 2009: "Air conditioned stadiums? Of course the stadiums will have air-conditioning. Who'd want to sit for 90 minutes in 120 degree heat?" Qatar 2011: "Air conditioning is for pussies"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(65)

		Asked about campaigning, the President replied "I don't think it requires us to go negative [...] We may just run clips of the Republican debates verbatim. We won't even comment on them, we'll just run those in a loop"  (content.usatoday.com)	(600)
(Some Guy)		You know how when you were kids, you could always beat up your little brother, and then one day he came home from college and could beat you up? That's kind of what's happening right now with New Zealand and Australia  (couriermail.com.au)	(49)
		Maintaining their steady focus on job creation, every Republican Senator votes to eliminate net neutrality regulations  (chicagotribune.com)	(282)
		Look, if your fraternal lodge's initiation pranks didn't involve hitting someone on the head with a hornet's nest or pretending to run a person head-first into a spinning sawblade, then your lodge was a bunch of straight-up pansies  (huffingtonpost.com)	(34)
(Some Guy)		If you were planning to go to the Great Pyramid today to perform a strange ritual, don't bother. The internet already tipped off the authorities  (couriermail.com.au)	(27)
		After 70 years, a WWII era Spitfire that crashed in 1941 is unearthed. Cool: The plane is in astounding condition. Ultracool: The Browning machine guns are built to last (w/ video)  (bbc.co.uk)	(149)

		Korea grounds all jets, delays stock market opening, orders police escorts, encourages extra prayer sessions. Yes... it's annual college exam time  (af.reuters.com)	(14)
		Study shows women enjoy dating cunning linguists   (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(110)
		Broke family, living in a motel: 'Sorry son, there might not be a Christmas this year.' 7-year old son: 'Not on my watch. So help me God Christmas is happening'  (cbsatlanta.com)	(110)

		Hip-hop stars mourn Heavy D's death. Even so, they aren't exactly lining up to carry his coffin  (starpulse.com)	(42)
		Pack of wild dogs savagely attack fleeing cat, bring it down in seconds (Warning: extremely graphic footage, not safe for work)  (youtube.com)	(168)
		The game show host from "Slumdog Millionaire" to play Indian Jack Bauer. OH MY GOODNESS, WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF THE TIME  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(68)
		David Arquette concludes that his marriage is just like his WCW Heavyweight Championship: brief, disturbing, and a running joke  (showbizspy.com)	(20)
		What do you do with your dead pet panther? Put him in the freezer next to the mangoes, of course (Warning: graphic photo in link)  (sun-sentinel.com)	(90)
(Some Guy)		Inmate sues Florida for turning prison cell into gas chamber  (tampa.cbslocal.com)	(76)
		Man reacts rationally upon learning that "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3" is sold out at Best Buy. Just kidding, he threatens to go "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3" on the store  (9news.com)	(316)
		Adobe cuts 750 jobs and adjusts earnings outlook, subby can tell because he's seen quite a few layoffs in his time  (washingtonpost.com)	(21)

		Welcome to Dubai, a land of contrasts. Like the fact that the home of the world's tallest building doesn't have a functioning sewer system  (boingboing.net)	(166)
		I hear even Bill Bennett thinks that Herman Cain needs to do a better job of explaining the numerous allegations against him  (cnn.com)	(111)
		Internet 101: when creating fictitious, award-winning authors for some (not news) promo articles, avoid using stock photos of food bank workers nicknamed "Cobra." Also, a degree in "construction sciences?" Really?  (latimes.com)	(58)
		Eviction from a house, but from a grave? Pushed for space, a Spanish cemetery has begun placing stickers on thousands of burial sites with lapsed leases as a warning to relatives that their ancestors face possible eviction  (eitb.com)	(61)
		JFK's Swedish girlfriend dies at 79: "He made love...with a surprising innocence - swooning, sighing, weeping. At one point he lifted his eyes to the heavens and proclaimed, 'The stars, Gunilla. The stars' "  (telegraph.co.uk)	(69)
		Fox7 (WTVW) reporter stihl misses the obvious story happening right behind him  (youtube.com)	(28)
		Judge blocks FDA's graphic warning images on cigarette packs. Darn, if subby had seen them on her pack she would have quit instantly  (news.yahoo.com)	(182)
		Mississippi's proposed new law defining a fertilized egg as a person could force coroners to investigate miscarriages and allow people to sue on behalf of an egg that didn't implant in the uterus due to birth control  (huffingtonpost.com)	(209)

		Canadian Security Intelligence Service could soon be allowed to spy overseas, which is bad news for the people running Iran's secret maple syrup reactors   (fullcomment.nationalpost.com)	(30)
		Unedited interview with Steve Jobs from 1990: "Computers will only be for education and training. I mean, your phone is not your TV" A phone that's a TV... what kind of crazy idea is that?  (iheartchaos.com)	(31)
		Russell Brand and Katy Perry planning vacation to save their sham of a marriage  (celebitchy.com)	(69)
		Michael Strahan's epic celebration of Eli Manning leading another fourth-quarter comeback against the Patriots  (sportsgrid.com)	(92)

		How rich is New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg? This year alone he spent $5.64 million on a personal public image campaign and he's not even running for office  (nypost.com)	(41)
		Woman rescued from burning house by a complete stranger who stumbled upon fire after taking a wrong turn  (cbc.ca)	(42)

(Some Guy)		Not news: Underground fire in an old abandoned mine proves difficult to extinguish Holy Fark: It's been burning for 70 years  (ksl.com)	(84)
		Police see no need to check data recorder from car wrecked by politician in early morning accident  (bostonherald.com)	(76)
(Roanoke Times)		Not news: Salem High School marching band flawlessly executes halftime show with artistry and precision. Fark: with an escaped, mostly-nekkid Noid of some kind running amuck among them carrying a stolen flag  (roanoke.com)	(46)
		Five albums you should be listening to right now  (nerve.com)	(221)

(Some Guy)

Norway's claim to fame: Bronze statues of men fighting babies (warning: some nudity--mostly penises)  (awesome-robo.com)

(34)

(Some Overzealous Cleaner)		Cleaning tip: Before cleaning up a puddle on a museum floor, make sure it isn't a $1.1 million art installation   (acn.liveauctioneers.com)	(237)
		In an extremely shocking bit of news, Peyton Manning says his healing process is 'going slow'  (indystar.com)	(74)
		A new trailer for Underworld: Awakening is out, it's got Kate Beckinsale in tight black leather, so...yeah  (denofgeek.com)	(84)
		CNN taps Soledad O'Brien for morning show. Giggity  (deadline.com)	(42)
		Your father is turning violet, Violet  (tmz.com)	(31)
		Here are some ways you may be asked to contribute your fair share towards sustaining bank executives' bonuses  (boston.com)	(24)
		School cancels Remembrance Day events because the Veterans attending have been bringing along non-functioning replicas of the guns they used to fight for the freedom to cancel Remembrance Day activities  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(70)
		Gawker thanks FARK for turning them on to the story of an 83 year-old male prostitute  (gawker.com)	(1)

		Researchers find that the fetus-frightening room frightens the fetus  (labspaces.net)	(23)
(Some Guy)		The old ESPN Zone in DC is auctioning off everything. So you can get nostalgic over watching 37 games at once and paying $15 for a burger while doing it  (rasmus.com)	(30)
		Mets settle suit with woman injured by falling fat man, decide against playing "It's Raining Men" at Shea Stadium  (nypost.com)	(12)
		Food Truck Fiesta begins today, followed shortly by the 5K dash to the bathroom, and in the evening the Toss Your Cookies cotillion will be in full swing  (tampabay.com)	(22)
		Dining tip: When ordering a sandwich in Marlton, New Jersey, never tell the cook to put everything on it  (in.reuters.com)	(22)
		XL Group earnings M to S  (marketwatch.com)	(2)
		WARNING: Occupy Wall Street may cause a burning, itching sensation  (nypost.com)	(121)

		Jessica Simpson says weight gain was great for business. #CHINNING  (hollyscoop.com)	(29)
		So apparently the Wallflowers broke up and are now planning a reunion  (rollingstone.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)		Instead of taking the ball and running, it looks like all Chris Johnson is going to take the money and (not) run  (nfl.com)	(9)
(Some Guy)		Baltimore's original NFL franchise certificate found in trash and restored. Art Modell still wanted by people in Cleveland for Libyan dictator-style questioning   (sportscollectorsdaily.com)	(42)
		Herman Cain: Smoking isn't cool. Guess he hasn't decided whether he's running for POTUS or President of Student Council  (content.usatoday.com)	(42)
(NBC Sports)		After explaining how Oakland's young group of wide receivers shouldn't be pushed aside to make room for Terrell Owens, Carson Palmer explains how they should be pushed aside to make room for TJ Houshmandzadeh   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)		It is incomprehensible that these so called educated judges cannot understand the plain meaning of the second amendment. It is therefore reasonable to assume that they are intentionally misreading it. Therefore they are terrorists  (ammoland.com)	(269)
		"Spider-Man robbed a local gas station Sunday night, threatening the clerk with a machete"  (qctimes.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)		Sinkhole swallows 80 year old man as he goes for morning "newspaper". Whatever that is, it sounds dangerous  (nbcnewyork.com)	(18)

		Nebraska volleyball player turns herself in after hitting two motorcyclists with her jeep. And by turning herself in, the newspaper means she stopped a half-mile away because her front tire was shredded  (omaha.com)	(41)
		Leave it to the bloody-minded folks who invented the guillotine to devise the world's sickest house of horror. That it was back in 1947 only adds to the stomach-churning Gallic goodness. Happy Halloween, y'all  (life.com)	(33)

(Some Insufferable Prig)		Man files obscenity complaint over naked lady silhouette sticker on neighboring woman's car window. With picture of complaining guy posing with sticker he finds so offensive  (greatfallstribune.com)	(262)
		BBC shocked to discover that after dumbing down BBC Radio 3 classical music programming to appeal to mouthbreathers, no one is listening to BBC Radio 3  (guardian.co.uk)	(40)

		Bill Maher's audience is finally turning on him  (newsbusters.org)	(119)
		As if turning your hands and mouth black and tasting like a retread tire isn't bad enough, black licorice will also seriously fark up your heart  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com)	(171)
		A faithful dog dragged his owner 100 yards to safety after he was struck by lightning. Now can we have 'Doggerday Tag'?  (mirror.co.uk)	(72)

		Chicago to make Lake Shore Drive safer during blizzards, because warning people for two days that they'll get stuck on it didn't work last year  (chicagotribune.com)	(40)
(Vimeo HD)		Some girl hiked alone across Iceland. Oh, and she took some amazing video along the way, too. Enjoy your fifteen minutes of stunningly beautiful scenery  (vimeo.com)	(51)
		Utah's first dental class begins. This is a crowning moment  (deseretnews.com)	(9)
		Hey, instead of trying to find a GOP candidate that can defeat Obama in the next election, why not just file a lawsuit that will prevent Obama from running? What could possibly go wrong?  (wnd.com)	(154)
		Alan Keyes has some advice for Herman Cain about winning the Republican nomination, because if there's anyone who knows how to succeed in Republican primaries, it's Alan Keyes  (wnd.com)	(38)
(Some Damien)		The ten most terrifying tots in all of horror. Missing from the list: the twin girls from The Shining and the kid from Jerry Maguire  (toplessrobot.com)	(101)
(Some Guy)		Texas state school board member wonders how anyone could believe in evolution if there are no dog-cat or cat-rat hybrids running around  (tfninsider.org)	(321)
		A band of Marine brothers storm Reddit to voice their anger at the life-threatening injury inflicted by Oakland police on their brother, 24-year-old Iraqi war veteran Scott Olsen  (mediabistro.com)	(919)
		Years of complaining about my wife's food and I never got a pole-dance  (myfoxdc.com)	(19)
		High school student crushed after learning he had to do a pull up  (dailymail.co.uk)	(102)

		MAR-co, you got more 'xplaining to do  (news.yahoo.com)	(94)
		Indian fashion models caught "heightening"  (news.yahoo.com)	(100)
		Some conspiracy theorists have a problem with the "Asian chicks are so limber that they can tie their hands and feet together and then hang themselves" reasoning in Zahu suicide finding  (abcnews.go.com)	(92)
		Stock market up over 2% this morning on news that we're really truly out of the recession. Well, corporations are. You, not so much  (finance.yahoo.com)	(58)
		Quran burning freak pastor Terry Jones running for president. Will probably soon be outpolling Jon Huntsman  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(65)
(SNY)		Listening to concerns that their losing is due in part to their deep outfield demensions, the Mets respond by changing their outfield walls to blue. World Champions. 2012. Book it. Done  (metsblog.com)	(27)
		Chelsea Clinton is definitely NOT running for Congress ...yet  (nydailynews.com)	(62)
		Judge extends restraining order on a Missouri college's plan to drug screen all first year students  (washingtonpost.com)	(173)
		Remember all that money that went missing at the beginning at the Iraq war? Turns out, the receiver signed box 34A instead of 36B  (security.blogs.cnn.com)	(94)

		In honor of Rush releasing their live DVD shot in Cleveland, here's the opening video to the concert, plus 'Tom Sawyer' and all the usual air drumming seen at their shows  (rollingstone.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)		Coolest pictures of the 1911 Australasian Antarctic Expedition you will see all day (warning: slideshow)  (flavorwire.com)	(39)
		Since the Colts are so awful without Peyton Manning, shouldn't he be considered for MVP?  (espn.go.com)	(143)
		Man, out for a ride on his bike, saves a calf from drowning in a canal  (youtube.com)	(26)
		Not news: Young people running up gambling debts. News: Police fear they could be forced into shoplifting and street-fighting. Fark: Gamblers are aged five, playing marbles  (thisisplymouth.co.uk)	(43)
(Some Guy)		China to curb 'overly entertaining' TV shows. Don't worry, Jay Leno - you're safe  (duluthnewstribune.com)	(21)
(Ben Dover)		Sheriff Mike Hunt is warning residents against solicitation phone calls. "Police advise to hang up immediately and report the call to the sheriff's office" said Deputy Amanda Hugginkiss  (aikenstandard.com)	(54)
(Some Guy)		Strawberries reduce stomach lining damage from boozing, medication and ulcers. Merck and GlaxoSmithKline start bidding war for Smucker's  (medicalxpress.com)	(76)

		Learning how to use a new gun can be hazardous, especially if you accidentally discharge it through your floor, rupturing a gas line that blows your house to smithereens hours later  (helenair.com)	(88)
		Netflix lost 800,000 subscribers in the 3rd quarter fo this year-But their earnings rose 65%. So maybe they didn't need your whiny, entitled, account-sharing ass as much as you thought  (news.yahoo.com)	(167)
		The meanings behind six weird album titles. I'm still waiting for a good explanation of "American Pie"  (new.music.yahoo.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)		Jon Huntsman advocates getting everyone on a "level playing field" on Colbert last night, putting him left of every single person running for president in 2012. This is bad news...for Huntsman  (colbertnation.com)	(57)
(Roll Call)		FBI discloses that Jack Murtha (D-PA) juuuuust might have been crooked. FBI still ascertaining whether Ted Kennedy liked to hit the bottle and if those guys who broke into the Watergate were up to anything untoward  (rollcall.com)	(66)
		Biggest hit in the 5th inning was by a Texas Rangers' grounds crew member  (youtube.com)	(42)
		Masturbating bear has nothing on underwater self-fellating walrus (warning: self-fellating walrus)  (liveleak.com)	(39)

		OWSers complaining about homeless freeloaders showing up just for free meals, saying they feel entitled but don't want to contribute anything  (nydailynews.com)	(372)
		Photoshop this enlightening campaign discussion  (blogs.reuters.com)	(28)
		Will the Ravens murder their opponents, or do the Jaguars stand a chance at winning a second game this season? It's Monday Night Football on ESPN (Game starts at 8:30 PM)  (espn.go.com)	(1432)
		White southern Republicans lament the loss of Latino migrant workers. I love it when a cunning plan comes together  (npr.org)	(393)
		"The great thing about the new I.T. revolution is that it makes it easier and cheaper than ever for anyone anywhere to be an entrepreneur. And despite all of our challenges, it is happening here in America"  (nytimes.com)	(45)
		The three finalists in the Blizzcon costume contest are farking amazing, but all of that will be overshadowed in the comments by what a fatass Jay Mohr is turning into  (iheartchaos.com)	(57)

		Photoshop this crooning Christina  (spiegel.de)	(31)
		Old and busted: Uncontrolled "Zombie satellites" orbit Earth. New hotness: "Vampire satellites" harvest parts from dying sats prior to decommissioning  (boingboing.net)	(23)
		Paranormal Activity 3 has topped the box office with $55 million, becoming the biggest horror opening ever. Meanwhile, Three Musketeers and Johnny English get beaten by robots and a remake  (deadline.com)	(110)

Gizmodo thanks FARK for turning them on to the infamous copper caper  (gizmodo.com)

(1)

		Cantor cancels his income inequality speech after learning the venue is open to the public  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(71)
		Schweddy Balls turning blue after getting the cold shoulder from retailers  (news.yahoo.com)	(62)
		Because mining all of the Earth's natural resources isn't enough, some billionaire wants to mine the moon's  (theweek.com)	(128)
		Watch fat college football coaches running across fields, Baywatch style  (bleacherreport.com)	(5)
		Fantasy football hires lobbyist, a former Boehner aide. Why can't they just stay away from owning RB's on the Redskins and Patriots like everyone else?  (usatoday.com)	(46)
		What happens when George W. Bush gets involved with a school board race? Let's find out, because it's happening right now  (salon.com)	(87)
		Steve Jobs was ready for "thermonuclear war" with Google. A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?  (gizmodo.com)	(161)

		Former DC tax examiner admits to examining $400,000 a little too closely  (washingtonpost.com)	(13)
		DHS now has powers to simply take over a New York City street because of an arrest for peaceable conduct by a middle-aged writer in an evening gown  (boingboing.net)	(182)
		How does one get into the strange and wonderful business of designing and crafting prosthetic limbs? Seriously. I'm stumped  (life.com)	(29)
(Some Guy)		University of Texas at San Antonio is getting the hang of NCAA football. Especially the "jerks running the stadium" part  (ksat.com)	(23)
		School district rewards A+ students with bracelets containing pictures of naked women. Attempts to recover bracelets but "has so far gotten only a handful back"  (news.yahoo.com)	(43)

		Not much happening this week in Lehigh, Iowa, unless you count the zombies  (desmoinesregister.com)	(40)
(Some Guy)		Dear Customer, Thank you for quietly notifying us of a glaring security flaw in our website. Please accept this complimentary gift basket containing a police visit, blame for the issue, a bill for fixing it and termination of your account  (techdirt.com)	(86)
		Nate Silver: Last night's GOP wharrfest was a seven-way draw, meaning Jon Huntsman wins if only for having the good sense to blow it off   (fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		The 2012 RNC logo has been released and it featues the elephant - the proud and strong symbol of the Republican Party. Christie still insists he's not running  (933flz.com)	(111)
		Suspiciously huge package delays morning train service. Sorry about that  (chicagotribune.com)	(15)
		Early morning encounter with Spock turns ABC news anchor gay  (news.yahoo.com)	(110)
(Naples Daily News)		You can rob our store. You can take our money. But don't even think about running off with my baby daughter  (naplesnews.com)	(95)
(The Province)		The Province (Canada) lists FARK'S hilarious NFL headline as a highlight of their Morning Briefing column  (theprovince.com)	(0)

		Zombie injuries not life threatening, seamen leaving ferries in Greek ports, and an explanation of Herman Cain's pro-llama agenda: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/9 - 10/15  (fark.com)	(4)
(Some Guy)		TSA agents are great at letting nothing get through security screening. Except when you bribe one of them, then you can just walk through with 15 pounds of pot  (losangeles.cbslocal.com)	(32)
		The Quickening has begun. There can be only none  (bloomberg.com)	(9)
		The Bears, who have been dragging their feet about resigning Matt Forte, may want to move quickly, as at least two teams have expressed an interest in him. But that would require a Chicago sports team to be smart, which is impossible  (chicagotribune.com)	(71)
		Anchorwoman tries to do live morning interview with Harry Belafonte. Difficulty: He's asleep that day-o (w/video)  (mediaite.com)	(13)

		Ecstasy can be found in a BMW. Specifically, in the roof lining  (news.com.au)	(39)
(The Chronicle of Higher Education)		The intellectual underpinnings of Occupy Wall Street are from Madagascar. I like to movement, movement. You like to movement, movement. Everybody, movement  (chronicle.com)	(116)
(Some Guy)		Reporter in desperate need of a story says the Raiders should consider signing Brett Favre  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(47)
		Seventeen kid-friendly programs that will teach your children about death. Yes, Jim Henson and The Muppets are on here. Warning: childhood memories  (avclub.com)	(119)
		"In the final analysis, Tintin is easily Spielberg's most purely enjoyable, accessible and entertaining film since Jurassic Park" HA HA HA OH WOW  (denofgeek.com)	(87)

		Barber shaves "FOOL" into hair of man with severe learning disabilities. I pity him  (thesun.co.uk)	(91)
		The best unhappy endings from film, literature, and music. Yes, Carpenter's The Thing is on here. (Warning: there are obviously spoilers)  (avclub.com)	(159)
		Beatles record Day Tripper in 3 takes, this day in 1965. Still one of the greatest opening guitar riffs, ever  (youtube.com)	(55)
(Business Insider)		Mark Cuban: "Every layoff in the name of more earnings per share puts a stress on the economy, on the federal, state and local governments which is in turn paid for through taxes or assumption of government debt"  (businessinsider.com)	(238)
		Best job ever: determining the ideal breast shape by examining Page 3 girls. With a rather Not Safe For Work illustration of the perfect breastastic geometry  (dailymail.co.uk)	(439)
(News-Journal)		Difference between cleaning the dishes & cleaning your gun: if you screw up while cleaning the dishes it's unlikely your mom's going to the hospital  (news-journalonline.com)	(45)

		People are lining up in Los Angeles to stuff themselves with foie gras ahead of the coming California foie gras ban. Soon their livers will be rich and succulent  (nytimes.com)	(189)
		♫ Walked out this morning, Don't believe what I saw, Twelve Somali pirates knocking on my door ♫ I'll send an SOS to the world, I'll send an SOS to the world, I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle ♫  (wired.com)	(37)
		Mother of twins of differing colours tired of explaining she's the mother of both. Subby not so sure that the maternity is what's in question  (dailymail.co.uk)	(122)