Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez "The Internet cannot be something open where anything is said and done." and is calling for stricter controls. Looks like the Fark party in Caracas is a no go at this time  (reuters.com)	(268)

(KVAL.com)

Oregon Ducks starting QB suspended for entire 2010 season for burglary conviction. Which means he will likely be playing again by the end of the season, if history tells us anything. Fowl trifecta complete  (kval.com)

(41)

Driver charged with DUI hit nearly triple the legal threshold for drunkenness. Fortunately, she didn't hit anything else with her school bus full of kids  (dailyherald.com)

(59)

Authorities say poor visibility, mountainous terrain, and the lack of anything resembling a coastline for 1,000 miles in any direction may have contributed to a COAST GUARD helicopter crashing in UTAH  (aolnews.com)

(66)

		Will Obama still be blaming Bush in 2012?  (pajamasmedia.com)	(285)
		Liberals insist the country is ungovernable because Obama is exactly like Carter. If only Reagan were here there would be no problems with anything ever  (realclearpolitics.com)	(146)

		How Aeon Flux killed Black Widow and made Iron Man 2 the movie it is today. Is there anything Charlize Theron can't do?  (io9.com)	(66)
		Shutter Island wins for the second week in a row, proving no one wants to watch another useless George Romero remake or anything that has Kevin Smith's name attached to it  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(90)

Not that we're trying to cover anything up, but if you report a UFO sighting from now on, we'll be burning your evidence  (dailystar.co.uk)

(32)

		A review of The Crazies as only Breitbart can, complete with a rant on the film industry, which is "anti-American, anti-troop, anti-Bush, anti-Southern, and anti-anything that isn't elitist Blue State and all things Meterosexual"  (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(124)
		You know why Americans are misinformed? Because the media lies to us and no one does anything about it  (crooksandliars.com)	(157)
		Woman sues 50 Cent for digitally inserting himself into her sex tape. Subby hasn't seen anything this bad since the Anita Bryant concert  (cbsnews.com)	(22)

		Students think their "lap dance teachers" didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't be punished, and that in return for this support, they shouldn't ever get homework again  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(69)
		Democrats need to stop whining about GOP filibuster threats. "Besides, has a filibuster ever prevented eventual enactment of anything significant that an American majority has desired, strongly and protractedly?"  (nypost.com)	(92)
		Wanna watch the government talk about not doing anything about health care? The Health Care Summit discussion thread now open  (c-span.org)	(¾)

		The Democratic Party's deceitful game  (salon.com)	(91)
		"You have the right to, like, not say anything. You have the right to an attorney, unfrozen caveman lawyer or other law-talking guy. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me in a court of law?"  (csmonitor.com)	(138)

(Some Guy)		I wonder if anything good came in the mail today? Rats  (fergusfallsjournal.com)	(58)
		Now that American Evan Lysacek won a gold medal for men's figure skating, he thought it would be a good time to let everyone know he is a dating a gymnast. A female gymnast. Not that there would be anything wrong if he wasn't  (nbcolympics.com)	(71)

		US Marines seize Taliban HQ, ID's and photos of fighters. This is not even remotely a repeat of the last 8 years  (dailykos.com)	(394)
(Washington Examiner)		Obama, 9/09: Legislative session one of the most productive in a generation. Obama 2/10: Senate can't get anything done  (washingtonexaminer.com)	(193)

Ex-Lions defensive coach doesn't remember naked escapade in Wendy's drive-through, which is plausible since he clearly never remembered anything about coaching defense with the Lions  (detnews.com)

(12)

Oh great. Now Obama's KIDS are endangering America  (dailykos.com)

(175)

		Moscow ridicules Washington's winter woes: "News about the weather totally displaces news about anything else happening in the world. As if this is a tornado or a hurricane, and not just simply snow."  (nytimes.com)	(107)
		Key Climategate scientist uses the Thomas Dolby excuse for his inability to produce documentation - "She's tidied up and I can't find anything"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(338)
		"If the economy is good, it's hard to find a Republican to run for anything in Massachusetts. Republicans, how can I put this, work. They have jobs, real jobs."  (bostonherald.com)	(80)
(Some Guy)		Ohio man goes to Vegas to break the world record of most hugs in one day. Because there simply isn't anything else to do in Vegas except hug elderly strangers with fanny packs all day  (newsnet5.com)	(29)

		Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown. Do I need to say anything else?  (youtube.com)	(16)
(Some Guy)		Alterna-school kids use duct tape to raise $1300 for charity. Duct tape - is there anything it can't do?  (phoenixvillenews.com)	(21)

(Star Bulletin)		They may lack organization, but the Tea Partiers can't just be dismissed out of hand. Their "broad and relentless critique of runaway government is, if anything, more popular than the movement itself."  (starbulletin.com)	(211)
(Some Guy)		What it's like to date Bruce Willis's daughter: "If anything happens to one of my daughters, I'm coming to you first, and then I'm going to kill all your friends right in front of you, and you'll be last."  (monstersandcritics.com)	(114)
		Australia launches new investigation into naval sex ring. People will really do anything with their piercings these days  (news.com.au)	(50)
		Remember the 2,000 hours of live Olympic coverage online in 2008? This time it'll be 400, and you're out of luck if you want to watch anything other than curling or hockey  (news.cnet.com)	(86)

(Some Bad Guitarist)

Air Force responds to Jack White's allegations, saying that despite low recruitment, it would never stoop so low as using The White Stripes for anything  (nme.com)

(23)

Public: So which part of "No, you retarded pack of weasels, we don't want anything to do with that farking mountain of shiat called ObamaCare" was unclear?  (politico.com)

(232)

Two of the last five Pulitzers for breaking news have gone to large mainstream papers for political sex scandals...but the National Enquirer who broke the Edwards story? They're just a cheap shoddy rag  (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)

(50)

(Luxist)		For those who say Sinbad has never done anything funny: His bankruptcy lists 60 million in liabilities and 50 thousand in assets. Now THAT'S funny  (luxist.com)	(61)
		Environmental activists would like makers of household cleaners to tell us exactly what's in them. Cleaner industry says we should simply trust them not to put anything harmful in there, and to enjoy the new lemony-carcinogeny scent    (news.yahoo.com)	(70)

		The IndyStar, who has seemingly never read anything about superstitions, is suggesting its readers vote Reggie Wayne on to the Madden '11 cover  (indystar.com)	(21)
(Red State)		Maybe the system could work at the Department of Homeland Security if it focused on terrorists and not the "national threats" of fossil fuels and climate change  (redstate.com)	(98)

(KOTV)		In an article that may not have anything to do with electricity at all, it is reported that 'Thousands still in the dark in southwest Oklahoma'  (newson6.com)	(75)
		How bad did the NFL misjudge their claim of ownership of "Who Dat"? " Shopkeeper: "One lady told me she wanted to buy anything in the store that was not NFL-licensed"  (msnbc.msn.com)	(83)

(TheDailySwarm)

Pitchfork editor thinks we underestimate his greatness  (thedailyswarm.com)

(57)

Leafs trade for former franchise player that hasn't done anything for year, give up youth in return. This is a repeat from this Summer. And last year, and the year before, and as far back as subby can remember  (sportsnet.ca)

(92)

		Wasabi... is there anything it can't do?  (news.cnet.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		Google to end support for IE6, suggests using anything else  (googleenterprise.blogspot.com)	(68)

(GOP's Boehner)		The Republicans' "Better Solutions" have been released. I don't want to spoil anything, but many of them revolve around something that rhymes with "lax butts"  (republicanleader.house.gov)	(88)
(Eating Our Words)		If you own any of these useless kitchen gadgets, you should put your common sense card down the garbage disposal  (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(527)
(readwriteweb.com)		"When social sites... manage to rally the troops, the effect can be pretty substantial, like when Reddit, Digg and Fark managed to rickroll Shea Stadium. There are numerous examples, with some being funnier than others" (5th paragraph)  (readwriteweb.com)	(2)
		Educational video uses hip-hop to teach about the phases of the moon. As dope as anything Kid Cudi's dropped. Word. And so forth  (youtube.com)	(15)
		Four teams are hot for Wang... not that there's anything wrong with that  (sports.yahoo.com)	(13)

		Ten percent of children realize that they are not precious, will not amount to anything in the future, and cause their parents to drink heavily  (dailymail.co.uk)	(141)
(Some Guy)		Pittsburgh Pirates to add a statue celebrating Bill Mazeroski, honoring his memory as the last Pirate player who ever did anything  (post-gazette.com)	(49)

If you work at Whole Foods, you get a 20% discount. If you work at Whole Foods and are not overweight, you get a 30% discount.. Yeah, that's not discrimination or anything  (consumerist.com)

(618)

Haitian man survives for eleven days buried under rubble by eating cookies and drinking pop and beer. Beer, is there anything it can't...yes, it's called "pop." Not "coke," not "soda," POP  (google.com)

(589)

Michael Ironside on his new web series and why he can't help but be anything but a bad guy on screen  (iheartchaos.com)

(53)

(Digitalspy)		Muse says they "don't want to be celebrities." Well, we don't want to listen to anything but "Uprising," so I guess that works out  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(69)
		Pro tip: It's easier for catty fashionistas to criticize sexy goddess Christina Hendricks if the photo of her is distorted to overemphasize her lovely curves (pic)  (gothamist.com)	(225)
		Republicans lecturing the country about fiscal responsibility, economic recovery, governing - or anything else, for that matter - would be like Mick Jagger lecturing Mother Teresa about excessive promiscuity  (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)	(243)

(Some petal pusher)

Toyota's floor mat problem might not have anything to do with the floor mats  (leftlanenews.com)

(118)

		Further proof that Japanese TV is farking weird, but still better than anything you'll see on a major primetime reality show in America  (liveleak.com)	(32)
		Wall Street bankers confirm they have no clue about anything except how to line their own pockets  (nytimes.com)	(98)
		If the French have taught us anything, is that they give exhilarating yodeling tributes to Otis Redding in a made up language  (youtube.com)	(9)
(dark horizons)		Karate Kid remake starring Will Smith's son scored second-highest test screening score in Sony's history. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE, AMERICA  (darkhorizons.com)	(88)

		Lionsgate currently winning the bidding war for the Terminator franchise. Well, they can't make anything worse than everything that followed the original  (variety.com)	(51)
		Pregnant women can boost the intelligence of their babies by eating bacon and eggs. Oh bacon, is there ANYTHING you can't do?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(68)

Anything U Want (Not safe for work?)  (youtube.com)

(25)

Health care bill is "holding on by a thread". Cheap woven thread like the insurance companies want you to use instead of good medical quality stitching thread  (cnbc.com)

(189)

Nanny State: At this rate the people of the UK won't be able to handle anything sharper than a marble and more pointed than a 2x4  (news.sky.com)

(302)

Charles Johnson: "The kinds of hate mail and the kinds of attacks I am getting from the right wing are way beyond anything I got when I was criticizing the left or even radical Islam"  (latimes.com)

(274)

That's a nice Congressional seat you got there. It'd be a shame if anything happened to it  (nypost.com)

(73)

		Spider-Man 4 delayed due to issues with Sam Raimi's script. Yeah, as if there's anything resembling a script involved with this declining franchise  (variety.com)	(76)
(KGTV)		Dear advice column: My boyfriend has four different kids by four different women, including me. He hasn't mentioned anything about marriage. My question is, am I wasting my time?  (10news.com)	(277)

(fox8.com)

Wendy's employees save man's life after he passes out. In the shock of a lifetime, he collapsed BEFORE he ate anything there  (fox8.com)

(94)

When robbing a drugstore, don't stop on the way in to tell an employee on a smoke break what you're doing. And don't ask if he wants anything for himself. And try to carry a more imposing weapon than a garden hose nozzle  (indystar.com)

(36)

Tigers C Gerald Laird arrested after brawl, presumed innocent since there's no farking way he hit could have hit anything  (670thescore.stats.com)

(13)

"ObamaCare is not about the healthcare. It is about passing something- anything- to keep the Obama administration from ending up with egg on its face by being unable to pass a bill"  (realclearpolitics.com)

(468)

Quote of the Year: " Of course, TSA is not going to be feeling-up people's scrotums anytime soon"  (jeffreygoldberg.theatlantic.com)

(87)

You would think by now people would know better than to buy anything from Best Buy  (consumerist.com)

(93)

No one knows anything about Jesus  (cnn.com)

(380)

		Darwin has already used his pardon for the year 2009 so don't go doing anything stupid over the holidays, kids  (ctv.ca)	(93)
		Not doing anything to help the sterotype, texas becomes hos to the largest US city without a single bookstore as Laredo's last one closes  (abcnews.go.com)	(291)

		AZ GOP: "We don't believe [the Executive Director] did anything wrong, but let me ask you this: so what if he did?"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(92)
		"Facts I Ought to Know about the Government of My Country" returned to library 99 years overdue. Fact #1: If you hold out long enough, you can get away with anything  (foxnews.com)	(42)

When stopped by police, the most important thing to remember is to stay calm, collected, professional, hell, anything at all other than what this lady does  (liveleak.com)

(127)

(Some Guy)

Scientists trying to figure how to program battlefield robots to feel guilt. Submitter would suggest putting his mom in charge of raising them  (volokh.com)

(34)

"Hi, you've reached the Department of Justice. We're building a file on Joe Arpaio, and if you have anything to share-- annnnnd our inbox is already full"  (huffingtonpost.com)

(345)

"Liberalism is far more dogmatic than conservatism," says Jonah Goldberg. For instance, you'd never see conservatives demand that their politicians take a "purity test" or anything crazy like that  (corner.nationalreview.com)

(490)

(Book forum)

Leftist takes shots at the anti-war left: "The left should stop saying, 'We oppose tyranny around the globe, but not to the extent of actually doing anything about it'"  (bookforum.com)

(314)

(Some New Yorker)		Today at Starbucks, a man slaps another man because he did not do anything to comfort or quiet his crying child  (brooklynheightsblog.com)	(296)
		Massive robotic dinosaur is on the loose in Mexico. Submitter can't really think of anything more friggin' awesome than that (pic)  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(41)

Scientists say they have proven that coin tosses are anything but random, invite you to call it, friend-o  (cbc.ca)

(70)

(NBC Philadelphia)

Kevin Bacon and his composer brother Michael stage a benefit concert to help fund this year's Mummer's parade in Philadelphia. Bacons - is there anything they can't do?  (nbcphiladelphia.com)

(15)

		Michigan football will have lots of questions in 2010. At least they can spend the bowl season trying to come up with some answers since they don't have anything better to do  (freep.com)	(72)
		Why we get to enjoy the musings of talented dopes: "Pretty much anything Bono or Sean Penn writes is a festival of crap that would never be tolerated from another contributor"  (gawker.com)	(11)
		What can we do to create 15 million jobs, when we don't want to sell anything bought or processed, buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed?  (washingtonpost.com)	(60)

		Golf Digest's current cover: "10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger." Includes: Be a good role model, be able to pull yourself together after setbacks, be agile with the press, and never do anything that would make you look ridiculous  (slate.com)	(31)
		White House: You're not invited. Uninvited Guests: Great, we'll see you tonight. WH: I don't think you understand. UG: Should we bring anything? WH: Don't come, get it? UG: Perfect, we'll see you around 8 o'clock then?  (myfoxdc.com)	(136)

(Some Guy)

Ouch: "Obama is not Bush. More and more, he seems like a continuation of Bush by other means. If anything, he is even more convinced than his divinely guided predecessor that he holds the truth in his hands"  (thedailybeast.com)

(386)

Microsoft's top developers say they are still old-school coders and people who use anything with the word 'Visual' in it are probably Mac jerks: "I will fight you if you try to take away my text editor"  (networkworld.com)

(144)

		NYT, last year: "Check out these e-mails hacked from a Palin campaign staffer." Last week: "ClimateGate? Sorry; we will not publish illegally obtained e-mails." Bonus: BBC also tried to squash the story for two weeks  (media.nationalreview.com)	(916)
		As President, I believe that robotics can inspire young people to pursue science and engineering. And I also want to keep an eye on those robots in case they try anything  (gizmodo.com)	(106)

		Michigan auditors can't find required football team practice logs for 2008 season. RichRod says there isn't a shred of evidence he did anything wrong  (espn.go.com)	(92)
		Jennifer Morrison of "House" doesn't know why she is being written out of the show, and no one has told her anything. In related news, Jennifer Morrison is really, really pretty  (ausiellofiles.ew.com)	(173)

		What's the deal with former 'Seinfeld' writer-producer Larry Charles returning to television? Not that's there's anything wrong with that  (reuters.com)	(32)
		Deepak Chopra points out that you can't put time in a marmalade jar and that quantum physics means anything can happen at any time for no reason  (huffingtonpost.com)	(121)
(Haaretz)		Bill Clinton pours a drink, puts on Barry White, and tells the Israeli PM, "As long as you believe that America is with you at some core emotional level, we can have a conversation about anything." Mmmm, baby  (haaretz.com)	(139)