Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Arguing in favor of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," former NATO SAC tells Congress that gay Dutch soldiers directly caused the 1995 Srebrenica Genocide. Here comes the sci- Wait, what?  (wonkroom.thinkprogress.org)	(67)

(Some American)

9/11 Solved. Any questions?  (911disclosure.blogspot.com)

(591)

Showing the attention span of a goldfish, another GOP Senator wants Dems to "start over" on healthcare, even though it's only been stated about a gajillion times that will never happen  (upi.com)

(410)

		Republican senators actually threaten to block a bill out of principle for once rather than sheer orneriness, questioning why a CEO of a charity receiving federal funds is also getting a seven-figure salary  (abcnews.go.com)	(97)
		In retrospect, maybe allowing consolidation of the seed industry and virtually putting production in the hands of one company wasn't such a good idea. Although the Senators from Monsanto don't seem to have a problem with it  (nytimes.com)	(54)

		Senator says NOAA's red snapper count is fishy  (cnsnews.com)	(83)
		Anti-gay GOP Senator arrested for DUI- who denied coming from a gay bar- is a regular at gay bars, says gay mayor  (talkingpointsmemo.com)	(218)

(Washington Examiner)		President Obama, meet Senator Obama on reconciliation: "Under the rules, the reconciliation process does not permit that debate. Reconciliation is therefore the wrong place for policy changes"  (washingtonexaminer.com)	(274)
		Senator Bunning writes op-ed explaining why he held up the vote. Looks like he's not the one that's the d*ck after all  (blogs.usatoday.com)	(237)

		"As I stood there looking like a Roy Orbison impersonator in my specially polarized glasses, I made a mental note to call my wife and apologize for the money we'll be dropping on 3-D televisions in the next few years."  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(96)
		Perry wins Texas gubernatorial primary. Plans to celebrate by taking the midnight train going anywhere  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(197)

		Republican Senator cuts health care costs for seniors by 21%  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(81)
		The race for the craziest Senator from Arizona took a fun twist: AZ Tea Party refuses to endorse JD 'Tea Party' Hayworth  (azcentral.com)	(46)

NATO warship sinks pirate ship off Somalia. Article sinks nautical terms per sentence record  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

(222)

Sen. Carl Levin declares war on Blackwater, only seven years too late and a name change short. Senator, you get 30 minutes of finger-painting for a good job  (cnn.com)

(51)

Senator James Inhofe (R-OK) asked the DOJ to investigate what he called "the greatest scientific scandal of our generation". Bonus: also asked former Vice President Al Gore to be called back to the Senate to testify  (pajamasmedia.com)

(787)

Dutch troops exiting Afghanistan, leaving the whole operation rudderless  (azcentral.com)

(61)

Man arrested for trying to tap Democratic Senator's phones gets 'rock star welcome' from the Conservative Political Action Committee Conference in DC  (nola.com)

(636)

		Alexander Haig no longer in charge here    (washingtonpost.com)	(186)
		Dutch government rudderless  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(34)

		US Marines seize Taliban HQ, ID's and photos of fighters. This is not even remotely a repeat of the last 8 years  (dailykos.com)	(394)
(Liquid Metal)		James Cameron says he will not return to the Terminator franchise, will instead focus on Avatar-related projects, including the development of the Na'vi's evil neighbors, the Ga'rg'am'el's    (digitalspy.com)	(64)
(Some Guy)		After Indiana Senator Evan Bayh's term is up, some people want to see another politically-savvy, intellectual replace him. Naturally, Playboy Playmate and former Hef girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson comes to mind  (popeater.com)	(28)
		Utah Senator doesn't want teh gheys 'shoving it down his throat'  (thinkprogress.org)	(54)

Taliban fighters running out of ammo, despite all the bullets and bombs being sent their way  (news.bbc.co.uk)

(89)

John Senator Mellencamp  (dailykos.com)

(56)

		For all of you procrastinators out there, Cracked has some excellent music choices available for tonight's obligatory sexual acts  (cracked.com)	(82)
		Colorado state senator introduces legislation to allow creationists to opt out of science class. This should end well  (denverpost.com)	(243)

(Some Dick)		Coming soon to Ontario schools: Help Captain Condom, Wonder Vag, Willy the Kid and Power Pap prevent the evil Sperminator from infecting all of Sex City with STD's  (montrealgazette.com)	(75)
		Shark bites woman in the Whitsundays. In related news, Australians have some odd terms for human anatomy  (news.com.au)	(27)

		Former Senator John Edwards and his baby-mama Rielle Hunter are now engaged  (gawker.com)	(220)
		Senator Monserrate (D-omestic Violence) expelled from New York Senate, but we all know they'll tearfully take him back in a few days  (wcbstv.com)	(33)

		Bears new offensive coordinator Mike Martz thinks Devin Hester is "stupid good". I think we can all cast our own judgements there  (670thescore.com)	(52)
(WHNT)		US Senator Shelby (R-ALzheimer's) releases blanket hold on 70 of President Obama's appointees after getting some attention, hugs  (whnt.com)	(196)

When you film a low budget Robocop and Terminator ripoff in 1988 on a $500,000 budget, you end up with a robot who gets defeated by the sound of a car horn and a skunk haired female bodybuilder with a mullet  (youtube.com)

(37)

		That blanket hold Senator Shelby (R-AL) is using to extort earmarks from the Democrats? It's to benefit a foreign company  (dailykos.com)	(135)
		Sony puts in bid for the "Terminator" franchise. Good luck outbidding Cyberdyne Systems  (comingsoon.net)	(30)
		Photoshop this sneaky senator  (s.wsj.net)	(77)
		After only one month as defensive coordinator with the University of Florida, George Edwards accepts a demotion to the Buffalo Bills  (sports.yahoo.com)	(8)

		Scott Brown sworn in as US Senator, giving the GOP a 41-59 majority  (msnbc.msn.com)	(99)
(Some Guy)		Senators (D & R) announce a bill that would block funding for Obama's proposal to try 9/11 co-conspirators in the US, instead to be tried in military tribunals at Gitmo  (motherjones.com)	(117)
		In a surprise to absolutely no one except US Senators and people who were taught 3rd grade civics but never thought about it critically, the filibuster has actually never been a good idea  (yglesias.thinkprogress.org)	(245)

		Senator Orrin Hatch says Guantanamo is "pretty nice compared to Illinois"; New Jersey is enjoying the schadenfreude  (swamppolitics.com)	(28)
(Red State)		Tied to Blago, Rezko, and The Mob. Looks like Illinois Democrats have found themselves a new Senator  (redstate.com)	(45)

		Chicago Bears select next offensive coordinator to misuse Jay Cutler  (670thescore.com)	(54)
		Scott Brown's first task as Senator? Get Simon Cowell to put his daughter Ayla back on American Idol. Really  (eonline.com)	(48)

		Senator David Vitter starts printing his own Who Dat t-shirts and writes the NFL a letter demanding that they either sue him or drop their ridiculous trademark claim  (examiner.com)	(72)
		Jon Hamm hosted SNL and played Senator Scott Brown in a sketch that brought all the Democratic leaders to the yard for a taste of his milkshake  (tv.gawker.com)	(50)

		Hockey Day in Canada Thread: Canadiens @ Senators, Canucks @ Leafs, and the Toilet Bowl finale with Oilers @ Flames  (cbc.ca)	(127)
		Douche Pimp thinks wire tapping may not have been the best way to find out if Senator was answering her phones  (examiner.com)	(62)

Fresh Prince impersonator prank calls Christian TV stations to discuss his spiritual journey from West Philadelphia to Bel Air (with vid)  (gawker.com)

(27)

		Iowa's two senators, Republican Chuck Grassley and Democrat Tom Harkin, say they will both vote against confirming Ben Bernake to a second term. SOLIDARITY BABY  (qctimes.com)	(33)
		NATO considering negotiating a truce with Taliban in Afghanistan, consulting with former US president on designs for their own Mission Accomplished banner  (ctv.ca)	(69)

		Remember that pretend pimp that "brought down" ACORN? He was just arrested trying to wiretap a Senator's office  (nola.com)	(819)
		Hue Jackson becomes offensive coordinator for Oakland, will try to get JaMarcus Russell to learn by poking him with his adamantium claws    (sports.espn.go.com)	(14)
(Some Emoception)		Da Bears can't find an offensive coordinator because no one wants to have his fate decided by Jay Cutler  (nbcsports.msnbc.com)	(52)

Australian government officials are worried that the latest method of cane toad extermination--suffocating them in bags filled with CO2--may cause suffering, so they order exterminators to go back to clubbing them with sticks for now  (abcnews.go.com)

(65)

Canada's ambassador to Iran from 1977-1980, who saved US embassy personnel during the Iranian Revolution, was actually a spy for the CI eh    (theglobeandmail.com)

(51)

		"You won't have any more senators from Kansas or Oregon, you'll have senators from Cheekies and Exxon. Maybe we'll have to wear corporate logos like Nascar drivers" said the Congressman  (rawstory.com)	(466)
		Amy Winehouse's ex is dating a pre-op transsexual Amy Winehouse impersonator, which is actually a step up  (dailymail.co.uk)	(42)
		Senator Brown, didn't I see your wife half naked in a 1982 music video where she coaxes a tube of sunscreen to a metaphoric orgasm? [video goodness]  (gawker.com)	(200)

President Obama unleashes his secret weapon: The Volckernator. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until all the bankers are dead  (nytimes.com)

(115)

And so it begins: Sen. Jim Webb (D-ecent) says "it would only be fair and prudent that we suspend further votes on health care legislation until Senator-elect Brown is seated"  (thehill.com)

(442)

(wpix.com)

Mutated human washes up near government disease research center. Senator Kelly unavailable for comment  (wpix.com)

(92)

(KARE11.com)		Things have gotten so bad for former Senator Norm Coleman (R-MN), even his own family is voting against him these days  (kare11.com)	(46)
		Texas gubernatorial cantidate Hutchinson fails to convince Republicans of her conservative credentials, guaranteeing Texas four more years of crazy  (dallasnews.com)	(94)

		Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee: "Oops - sorry about using the WTC to illustrate corporate greed in our attack ad"  (politico.com)	(175)
		Mattel to come out with Lady Gaga Barbie, no word on if it will be anatomically correct  (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(45)

(Dotnews)		After toothpaste defense fails, senator reportedly crestfallen  (dotnews.com)	(34)
		Lionsgate currently winning the bidding war for the Terminator franchise. Well, they can't make anything worse than everything that followed the original  (variety.com)	(51)
		This explains why the Packers defense gave up 45 points; Defensive coordinator caught sleeping in press box  (bareknucks.com)	(33)

		The GOP finds their "Obama". A first term Senator with no real experience or leadership history.... this should end well  (news.yahoo.com)	(202)
		Foreign firms encounter many obstacles to doing business in China, including rampant counterfeiting, discriminatory laws, and excessive beating if their bribes are too low  (nytimes.com)	(42)
		Jim Haslett will become Washington Redskins defensive coordinator, crippling the chances of the Florida Tuskers reaching the UFL championship for a second straight season  (stltoday.com)	(28)

(Windy City Gridiron)

The Bears may hire Jim Zorn as offensive coordinator, even though he couldn't coordinate the re-enactment of Pearl Harbor by the Batley Townswomen's Guild  (windycitygridiron.com)

(38)

		Not News: Somebody makes a racist comment about Obama. News: It's a Senator. Fark: It was Democrat Harry Reid who talked about Obama's skin tone and "lack of negro dialect."  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(750)
		The latest politician to release a formal "Shut up Dick Cheney, you cock" would be the ranking member of the Foreign Relations Committee, Republican Senator Richard Lugar  (news.yahoo.com)	(112)
		Alabama Republican gubernatorial candidate claims "every word" of the Bible is true. While standing in a grocery store. So, you can imagine what happens next at the fishmonger's stand  (blog.al.com)	(175)

Old and Busted: Andrew Sullivan pushing for an invasion of Iraq. The New Hotness: Andrew Sullivan pushing for the invasion of Israel  (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)

(231)

Senator Chris Dodd to announce he's retiring ahead of re-election  (msnbc.msn.com)

(329)

		Senator Byron Dorgan (D-ND) announces his retirement but fails to specify whether next week's stories about him will involve pages, bribes, or wide stance  (thehill.com)	(109)
		2010 shaping up to be tough year for Tiger Woods impersonators who appear in commercials and charity golf tournaments  (cnbc.com)	(19)

		Thanks for coming on CNN to talk about terrorism, Senator. By the way, did you get this guy a job because you were banging his wife?  (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(90)
(Broadcasting & Cable)		Keeping things Fair & Balanced (TM), Senator John Kerry demands FCC to keep FOX on Time Warner cable systems  (broadcastingcable.com)	(43)

A bipartisan group of US Senators work throughout the night to come to a compromise on important legislation. Is it: A) Health care reform, B) Airline security and safety, or C) Awarding themselves farm subsidy money?  (dailykos.com)

(56)

(Shome Schnockered Guy)		Montana Senator Max Baucus attempts to disprove viral video claiming he was drunk on the Senate floor by citing his long friendship with Ted Kennedy  (greatfallstribune.com)	(47)
		Ever wonder why Illinois has two Democratic senators? Republican senatorial candidate runs ad that suggests his opponent "is a homosexual"  (suntimes.com)	(121)
		Having never seen Poltergeist, US Marines build outpost on graveyard. What could possibly go wrong?  (timesonline.co.uk)	(146)

"It isn't just that that no one has cut Obama any slack. World leaders seem to be taking pleasure in rebuffing him, disappointing him, even, in some cases, mocking him."  (slate.com)

(289)

Massachusetts state senator on home confinement for DWI blames toothpaste for positive alcohol check, will need to stagger around pantsless and maul a few cocktail waitresses before he can expect full Democratic support  (telegram.com)

(60)

(Some Guy)		Kentucky city opens to public a government employee salary database. You'd be surprised how much a Chicken Inseminator II makes  (govtech.com)	(82)
		Senators are subsisting on takeout pad Thai, cafeteria panini and office cookies. Oh, the humanity  (washingtonpost.com)	(76)
		Harry Reid (D-ork) defends bribes to Senators to pass health care, saying failing to hold out for a payoff "doesn't speak well" of Senators who supported his bill without one  (politico.com)	(225)

"If I try to buy a cop, I have to use my own money. But, when Harry Reid buys a senator, he uses my money, too"  (corner.nationalreview.com)

(131)

On one hand, third offense drunk driving hit and run with injuries is bad. On the other hand, we wouldn't want the senator to miss any important votes  (boston.com)

(89)

		Paul Krugman, August, 2009: "Congressmen hanged in effigy... is something new and ugly." Paul Krugman, December, 2009: "By all means, hang Senator Joe Lieberman in effigy."  (reason.com)	(249)
		Senator Kennedy wants to cut your taxes  (boston.com)	(38)

Daily Kos calmly explains why Joe Lieberman is wrong on ObamaCare. Ha, just kidding. "F**K You, Senator Lieberman"  (dailykos.com)

(309)

(Some Guy)		Kinky Friedman abandons Texas gubernatorial run, will focus on agriculture commissioner post  (wfaa.com)	(37)
		In 60 Minutes interview, Obama says breaking his campaign promises on war in Afghanistan was the toughest of all the campaign promises he's broken  (uk.news.yahoo.com)	(186)

Guttenberg makes surprise trip to Afghanistan. My, he certainly is the movable type  (thelocal.de)

(94)

(The Robalution)

United States Senator Jim Webb (D-ownright Awesome) to Obama: You're not emperor  (therobalution.com)

(266)

		The Browns may win the Charlie Weis offensive coordinator sweepstakes, if "win" is the proper word for acquiring that rotound enemy of Chinese buffets everywhere  (fannation.com)	(39)
		Community website Fark used a small group of coordinators to collect info and deploy spotters who could check up on suspected balloon locations  (popsci.com)	(6)

Senators who voted against Al Franken's anti-rape amendment blame him for resulting bad PR  (crooksandliars.com)

(151)

		Looks like no one but Joss Whedon wants to buy the rights to the Terminator franchise. Man, that's gotta tell you something right there  (io9.com)	(35)
(Roll Call)		Some men buy the woman they're having an affair with a ring or necklace, Senator Max Baucus tries to get his girlfriend a Federal appointment  (rollcall.com)	(61)

		The 2nd Estonian Horse Cavalry Division will be a big help: NATO says 25 countries will send more troops to Afghanistan  (washingtonpost.com)	(96)
		Hey, nobody ever compared Bush to Hitler, says Democratic senator who was deaf, dumb and blind from 2001-2009  (hotair.com)	(191)
		Tanker leaks 8,000 litres of lube onto German highway, narrowly beating your Mom's record  (thelocal.de)	(38)

		Judd Gregg (cR-Ybaby) distributes "obstruction manual" to fellow Republican senators  (huffingtonpost.com)	(318)
		State senator denies his ten hour long absence for a fundraiser caused a delay on a budget vote. Bonus quote: "I believe I'm special"  (buffalonews.com)	(18)
		Canadian troops vow to establish a "donut of stability" in Afghanistan, which they hope will lead to a cruller of security and eventually to the sweet double-double of victory  (theglobeandmail.com)	(112)

"The BBC has abandoned plans to screen a ballet featuring a deformed Pope who rapes nuns that it had announced as one of the highlights of its Christmas schedule." And I was so looking forward to taking the kids (link fixed)  (telegraph.co.uk)

(21)

		Time Magazine reporter Photoshops semen into Louisiana senator's hair, because the traditional delivery method is so old fashioned  (huffingtonpost.com)	(86)
		News: Ottawa Senators starting goalie Pascal Leclaire out for a month after breaking his cheekbone. Fark: He was injured while sitting on the bench  (usatoday.com)	(25)
(Waterbury Republican American)		Poll finds that swine flu is more popular than Senator Chris Dodd (D-one for)  (rep-am.com)	(48)
		Afghanistan set to launch their own James Bond series, hopefully to be as successful as Turkish Star Wars  (news.yahoo.com)	(18)

		Mr. Obama has already played 25 rounds of golf, a sport he picked up about a decade ago when he was an Illinois state senator. That's more golf than former President George W. Bush played in two terms  (online.wsj.com)	(291)
		Kirk Cameron asks for a crocoduck. Science provides one: the Anatosuchus Minor found by paleontologists  (news.discovery.com)	(102)
		Here's a tip: If your offensive coordinator sucks and your defensive coordinator sucks, maybe the problem is bigger than just the play calling  (www2.tbo.com)	(49)

		Senator McCaskill points out that if the healthcare reform bill was printed with regular size font, columns and spacing it would be about the same length as Sarah Palin's book  (thehill.com)	(142)
		Australian politician defends photo taken of her asleep at a NATO conference. On the plus side, she's absolutely certain that there's no holes in her eyelids  (news.com.au)	(21)

		Governator says he will not be back. Get it? It's a play on when he was that robot and said he would be back and now he's governor  (breitbart.com)	(60)
		Senators draw their states for National Geographic and label important places. Georgia's senators are boring, Dick Dubin reminds us that Superman is from Illinois, and Al Franken is a suck-up  (ngm.nationalgeographic.com)	(91)