Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Hipsters buying organic salmon, imported cheeses and perrier with food stamps? It's more likely than you think  (salon.com)	(538)

(Eagle Tribune)

DOT commissioner explains why New Hampshire wants to charge $2 to enter Massachusetts: "New Hampshire must apply for a toll because Massachusetts will apply for it."  (eagletribune.com)

(45)

(US Magazine)		Jessica Simpson just gets hotter everday  (usmagazine.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)		Scientist discover ancient rivers buried under Simpson Desert. Mmmm....ancient rivers  (cosmosmagazine.com)	(23)
		RIAA amps up their efforts to squeeze more blood from the stone that is terrestrial radio  (nytimes.com)	(253)
		One third of New Hampshire's bird species are stable or increasing in number, one third are decreasing, and one third were too busy crapping on your car to respond to the survey  (bostonherald.com)	(15)

		The future of broadband: broadcasting data with desk lamps  (sciencedaily.com)	(23)
(Aldente Blog)		TED talk speaker, philanthropist, and social activist to make society stop feeding kids like raccoons in a dumpster: Jamie Oliver may not be the douchebag you think  (aldenteblog.com)	(35)

		Revisit the fight between Epic Beard Man and Professor Amber Lamps, now presented in classic "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out" style  (examiner.com)	(29)
		Former Conservative MP Rahim Jaffer pleads guilty to dangerous driving charges in exchange for cocaine possession and drunk driving charges being withdrawn. I think we know how he'll be celebrating  (edmontonsun.com)	(24)
(Some Guy)		In 'Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus', a shark jumps out of the water and takes down an airplane flying at 6,000 ft. Your first instinct may be to call 'bullshiat'. Your a idiot and here comes the science  (flowingdata.com)	(117)

Linebacker Scott Fujita goes from Champs to Chumps, but not before giving half his Super Bowl check to NOLA charity and giving a whole new meaning to the term "class act"  (sports.yahoo.com)

(77)

Jessica Simpson's new boyfriend is Jeremy Renner, Academy Award-nominated star of "The Hurt Locker." Oh, to be a fly on the wall when Jessica tried to convince him she understood that movie  (dlisted.com)

(59)

(Some Guy)

Man goes to preserve in hopes of catching a glimpse of rare falcon. Instead gets rare glimpse of eagle attacking an adult deer. With awesome pics  (chicagowildlifenews.com)

(92)

		Canadian national anthem to be made gender-neutral. Kind of like Canadians  (cbc.ca)	(56)
		News: Three LA teachers get suspended. Fark: for giving students pictures of O.J. Simpson, Dennis Rodman and RuPaul to carry in Black History Month parade  (abcnews.go.com)	(241)
		PMILF told to STFU and GTFO  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(36)
		River overflows its banks, meter maid sees half-submerged cars. He immediately: (a) jumps in to rescue child, (b) donates money to help victims, (c) places tickets on the flooded cars  (express.co.uk)	(72)

(WFSB 3)		Nurse manager jumps in front of gunman, takes bullet for coworker; gunman shot in ensuing struggle. Street cred of male nurses increased substantially  (wfsb.com)	(101)
		Jessica Simpson says she doesn't want the world to know about her sex life three weeks after John Mayer pretty much told the world about her sex life  (starpulse.com)	(29)

Hollywood's most prestigious trade paper dumps negative review of some movie you've never heard of, but whose producers paid them $400,000 for less variety than that  (chud.com)

(6)

English county votes to name road "Lara Croft Way," though no one will want to drive on it because of its massive speed bumps  (news.bbc.co.uk)

(28)

		Fire at New Hampshire hotel spreads to entire block. That means like, half the state is on fire right?  (abc6.com)	(98)
		1. Develop global positioning system so accurate and reliable that your military dumps almost all other nav systems in favor of it. 2. Somebody figures out cheap way to jam it. 3. Oops  (physorg.com)	(73)

"Canada: the skinny and weakling bro to a beefy United States and a colonial outpost to the United Kingdom, whose Queen smiles happily from Canadian postage stamps. " Gee Russia, what do you REALLY think?  (english.pravda.ru)

(338)

(Some World Government)		Orly Taitz jumps biggest shark yet, appeals to UN for protection from US courts  (washingtonindependent.com)	(226)
		Britain's National Health Service spent £4 million funding four homeopathic hospitals last year. Suggestion: this year, give each hospital £10, and tell them it will work better because it's diluted    (timesonline.co.uk)	(179)

Mitt Romney used his Vulcan death grip in airport attack on innocent rapper: "I just react. Boom. Get off me, you know. Bring amber lamps"  (news.bostonherald.com)

(52)

(Slashfood)		It's Lent, and you know what that means: McDonald's ramps up the Filet-O-Fish ads  (slashfood.com)	(128)
(Some Guy)		Obama fist bumps with Chavez, but makes the Dali Lama leave through the White House back door by the trash  (weaselzippers.net)	(156)

		77 year old screaming woman who can't sing jumps on stage with two ROCK legends (w/pic of crazy old lady dancing)  (rollingstone.com)	(37)
		Jessica Simpson is designing watches, which are said to be perfect timepieces for people with five-second attention spans  (contactmusic.com)	(27)
		Shaun White stomps the shiat out of it  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(99)

(Texas Tribune)		Nearly a third of Texans believe humans lived with pterodactyl lamps, wooly mammoth showers  (texastribune.org)	(155)
		"Remind me why I moved to the land of the free? To lose freedoms? To watch conservatism calcify into anti-gay bigotry as one of its binding principles?"  (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)	(317)
(Some Guy)		FCC proposes defining broadband at 100Mps. Comcast agrees, will increase speeds to 100mps by 2020  (ibtimes.com)	(161)
		Canadian men's hockey team takes 22 minutes to score first goal against Norway - then adds 7 more. Bonus: Norway's starting goalie is pulled due to cramps, "his replacement ... could barely get in the way of the puck."  (nhl.com)	(66)
		Jessica Simpson says people don't "deserve" to see her naked; which is kind of ironic because getting naked is probably the only thing that can save her career right now  (starpulse.com)	(50)

		So what: Guy jumps off roof into snow drift. Fark balls of steel: The roof of a five-story building  (break.com)	(33)
		Chimps are learning how to use spears to hunt other primates. It's only a matter of time before they discover laser cats  (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(77)
		White House revamps communications strategy, decides that the problem is that Obama hasn't gotten out there and visibly delivered his message enough  (washingtonpost.com)	(271)

Good news: Lionsgate bumps Nic Cage's latest crapfest from its release schedule. Superbad news: "21 Jump Street: The Movie" with Jonah Hill is on the way  (comingsoon.net)

(26)

		PETA gets catty and puts politically incorrect stars in the doghouse over sartorial faux paws: "Jessica Simpson's wardrobe choices all resemble her career - dead"  (omg.yahoo.com)	(27)
		Farewell to Horace Greasley, who broke out of German POW camps hundreds of times during WWII...just so he could get laid. With utterly awesome "screw you, Himmler" photo  (telegraph.co.uk)	(149)

The late Hunter S. Thompson once called tech support. Here is that call. Be thankful you never messed up his wires  (gizmodo.com)

(71)

		White House reportedly "disappointed" by the way the UK courts have ruled that the public should know when Britain tortures people  (independent.co.uk)	(37)
		Jessica Simpson unhappy with John Mayer's controversial "Playboy" interview, words that have more than one syllable  (hollyscoop.com)	(75)

(Some Guy)

Man dumps liquid stink bombs and sprays 'Fart Spray' in a Wal-Mart. Half the shoppers don't notice a difference  (kitsapsun.com)

(102)

(Houston Press)

Sarah Palin stumps for Texas Gov. Rick Perry. Signs carried by attendees do not disappoint  (blogs.houstonpress.com)

(306)

		Following in the steps of Jessica and Ashlee, a third brain-dead blonde Simpson gets a TV show  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(24)
		They that go down to the sea on horses, that do business in little shrimps  (guardian.co.uk)	(7)
		"Hey, whered'ya get that burger?" "Down at the golden humps"  (reuters.com)	(59)

Not News: Jessica Simpson goes to visit her sick grandma at hospital and tweets about meeting "cute doctors". FARK: one of them has to inform her that she spelled orgasm wrong in her tweets  (cnn.com)

(50)

		People in Colorado are starving because they can't get their food stamps on time. With picture of what a starving American looks like  (denverpost.com)	(474)
		Chris Matthews compares the RNC's efforts to support Conservative candidates to the Khmer Rouge reeducation camps in Cambodia  (newsbusters.org)	(174)
		In Britain, homeopathy is taken so seriously that the national health service pays for homeopathic "medicines" and there are five homeopathic hospitals. And Brits think Americans are dumb?  (guardian.co.uk)	(191)

		Billboards urge Massachusetts residents to buy their beer in tax-free New Hampshire, an act punishable by a year in jail if police ever run out of other laws to enforce  (boston.com)	(103)
		WTF headline of the day: "Britain on alert for deadly new knife with exploding tip that freezes victims' organs"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(126)

		Yes Virginia, street lights DO fly in formation  (thesun.co.uk)	(84)
		Tree-sitting protestors climb down after nine days. Wimps. Why, back in subby's day, we'd stay up for weeks, months even. And we liked it. Damn kids these days, can't even follow through on a simple protest  (upi.com)	(39)

Jessica Simpson is, quite literally, a windbag  (contactmusic.com)

(110)

		Salt Lake County GOP bumps James O'Keefe from giving keynote address at annual fundraiser after his arrest. "He doesn't necessarily represent the Republican Party."  (sltrib.com)	(352)
		UK government demands more information from the UK government  (theregister.co.uk)	(9)

(Brisbane Times)

Australian man lands on the sex offenders register for possession of Simpsons porn. D'oh  (brisbanetimes.com.au)

(213)

Film made entirely by chimps airs on BBC. No, it's not Transformers 2    (article.wn.com)

(92)

China fines lip-synching singers $12,000. Ashlee Simpson's tour plane does a 180 in mid-flight over the Pacific  (news.bbc.co.uk)

(37)

Note to Florida Moms: If a spider jumps on your baby, just brush it off  (tampabay.com)

(70)

Fleeing suspect jumps off NJ Turnpike overpass, resulting in two broken legs, charges of resisting arrest, eluding police, and toll evasion  (nj.com)

(40)

(Some Guy)		Kim Kardashian humps a salad and you've stopped reading this headline so boink boink arooga punch me in the nuts Tina Fey is a Sith Lord  (blogs.westword.com)	(105)
		As bad as our system is, unlike Taiwan, we don't have Nancy Pelosi in a no holds barred cage fight with Mitch McConnel. Not that it wouldn't be entertaining, mind you  (news.yahoo.com)	(51)

(10 TV News Ohio)		Bus drivers caught peeing behind dumpster. Transit authority pissed; have flushed the culprits out and terminated their income stream. Urine trouble if you think discharge won't stick  (10tv.com)	(54)
		Welcome to scenic New Hampshire, your winter vacation destination. Please don't breathe the air  (news.bostonherald.com)	(20)
		Now we know why Billy Corgan is giving away the new Smashing Pumpkins for free - he's co-writing it with Jessica Simpson  (3news.co.nz)	(15)

(Springfield News-Leader)

Dumbass tag trumps fail tag as three men use a stun gun to kidnap a man and take him 1200 miles away, only to find out they kidnapped the wrong man  (news-leader.com)

(40)

Fox bowed to Seth MacFarlane's delicate sensibilities and cut a joke from Sunday's "Simpsons" special. Which left the special with none  (artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com)

(118)

Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, New Order, Coldplay and David Bowie get their own stamps. If you lick the Rolling Stones one, you can't drive or operate heavy machinery for at least two days    (rollingstone.com)

(28)

(Contemporist)		Photoshop this knotty lampshade  (contemporist.com)	(71)
		Halle Berry jumps queue at U.S. customs in Montreal, thereby delaying other passengers much less than if she had stood in line with annoying autograph seekers  (calgaryherald.com)	(26)

		"Everybody in the world knows Allah is the Muslim God and belongs to Muslims. I cannot understand why the Christians want to claim Allah as their god"  (time.com)	(389)
		Morrissey dumps his management team, record label. Heaven knows he's miserable now  (contactmusic.com)	(24)

Teen jumps off high school roof, flies to hospital  (abc6.com)

(46)

		Proving their no horse so dead you can't sneak in one more blow, "The Simpsons" is set to mark its 450th episode with a special documentary  (news.yahoo.com)	(118)
		Three British MPs claim they can't be prosecuted for fraudulent expense claims due to parliamentary privilege from 1689 Bill of Rights. England has a Bill of Rights?  (independent.co.uk)	(85)

		Research shows smacked children do better in life, have faster reflexes  (telegraph.co.uk)	(280)
		Imagine if I collected the most infamous deeds of African-Americans this decade - say, Michael Vick's dog-fighting scandal and O. J. Simpson's most recent criminal exploit - and then called it "the decade in black America"  (article.nationalreview.com)	(266)
		Can Miami keep the defending Super Bowl champs out of the playoffs? Will Mangini have a job come January? Is that Peyton Manning in the popemobile? It's your week 17 NFL discussion thread  (sports.espn.go.com)	(∞)

		Travis Pastrana jumps 267 feet in rally car  (break.com)	(31)
		New Hampshire takes state sovereignty laws to a new level as it proposes charging feds with a felony for any attempt to override the state gun law  (examiner.com)	(65)

Congressmen brag that they oppose the "failed" stimulus then take credit for stimulus money sent to their districts. Obvious trumps amusing, asinine, fail, ironic, sad, and sick  (thinkprogress.org)

(109)

Man jumps out of third-story window, murders dog, runs naked through tennis club, covers himself in coffee. The Aristocrats  (nbclosangeles.com)

(63)

Ashlee Simpson forgets the name of the actor who plays the male lead opposite her character in "Chicago" during live TV interview; blames her drummer for the memory lapse    (starpulse.com)

(56)

		Garbage-removal company deals with billing disputes by blocking customers' driveways with dumpsters full of trash and leaving it there until they pay up  (upi.com)	(37)
		The Vatican proclaims "The Simpsons" tee-diddly-riffic, fine and dandy like sour candy  (tv.yahoo.com)	(36)

I have nothing to add, so here's a video of Jessica Simpson screaming with a candle in her ear  (huffingtonpost.com)

(59)

		Chimps are starting to master fire. Everybody, you know what to do  (livescience.com)	(90)
		Philosophy professor concerned that the Simpsons may have affected the public's perception of nuclear power  (cbc.ca)	(150)

Not news: man jumps from plane. News: parachute doesn't open and he survives the landing. Fark: he plans to jump again  (guardian.co.uk)

(89)

(Broadway World)		"A Streetcar Named Desire" musical may be headed to Broadway. Simpsons did it  (broadwayworld.com)	(34)
		Tila Tequila calls Jessica Simpson a "waste of space." Something about a pot and a kettle  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(93)
		Cow jumps six feet onto roof, possibly as part of his training to break the bovine "over the moon" record  (telegraph.co.uk)	(60)

		Billy Corgan says he's "very caught up in Jessica Simpson's mystique." Sadly, this will probably inspire a triple-disk box set of really touchy-feely crap  (celebitchy.com)	(48)
		Jessica Simpson is suing Star magazine over false reports that she slept with Tiger Woods. So, it looks like we've found her breaking point  (contactmusic.com)	(31)
(Hulu)		It's been 20 years since 'The Simpsons' debuted on television. Discussions about how the show hasn't been good for ten years to the right  (hulu.com)	(84)

Bud Selig forms advisory committee to "analyze ways of improving Major League Baseball on the field." Oh, you mean like speeding up the game and expanding instant replay to overturn the umps? Wait...those ARE on the table  (sports.yahoo.com)

(144)

(Some Guy)		To absolutely no one's surprise Pete Wentz is, well, a wentz about putting up the Wentz-Simpson family Christmas tree. Wentz  (perezhilton.com)	(32)
		Estonians recreate "The Simpsons" opening in painstaking, live-action detail, and that's awesome. But then the Spaniards come in and get all creepy about it  (examiner.com)	(23)

		"The original punishments, including standing on the gallows with a noose around the neck, have been softened to a $1,200 fine, yet some think it's time the 200-year-old crime of adultery to come off New Hampshire's books"  (abcnews.go.com)	(149)
(Some Guy)		Jefferson Parish in New Orleans flooded as levee pumps fail to keep up with deluge of water, sparking new round of furious demands that Bush resign  (wdsu.com)	(137)

Congress: "Maybe we shouldn't give taxpayer money to ACORN to give to pimps." Liberal Activist Judges: "LOL, nice try, here's some cash, ACORN." Citizens: "Uh, what about democracy?"  (salon.com)

(196)

(WCNC)

Taco truck dumps load on I-485 in NC, leaves skidmarks  (wcnc.com)

(22)

(Some Guy)

Those "leave your cell phone in the car" warnings on gas pumps are there for a reason (w/video)  (wkyt.com)

(231)

(Some Guy)

Not news: Jumpstarting an engine, "You steer, I'll push." Fark: Off the top of a parking deck, 150 feet to the ground, and the 17-year-old girl behind the wheel survives. What's Malaysian for "Ta-da?"  (thestar.com.my)

(44)

(Some Killer in Me)

Jessica Simpson is dating Billy Corgan. Man, that's...that's just sad. You'd think he could do a lot better  (okmagazine.com)

(46)

		Congressman Bennie Thompson (D-umbass-MS) is involved in an extortion plot involving credit card companies. Priceless  (msnbc.msn.com)	(44)
		Notre Dame stomps its feet and pouts, says it really didn't want to go to a bowl game anyway  (sports.espn.go.com)	(57)

Oil jumps more than $1 a barrel on news that Iranians seized...a British racing yacht?  (bloomberg.com)

(14)

		"Harry Potter" star Daniel Radcliffe slated to mock "Twilight" on "The Simpsons". Well, if that's not the pot calling the kettle 'dorky', what is?  (examiner.com)	(78)
		The 40,000 British parents who home-school their children may be required to undergo a criminal background check to qualify them to teach their children  (dailymail.co.uk)	(214)

		Creationist pressure group says that now it has been "proven" that climate researchers are all frauds it means that evolutionists are too. And that we need to have the scientists "Expelled." Obvious trumps Ironic  (sensuouscurmudgeon.wordpress.com)	(331)
		Bootstrappy red states mooch off Uncle Sam when it comes to food stamps, too...and shamlessly inflict millions of new god-bothering palinbots on the rest of us  (nytimes.com)	(345)

(Some Guy)

In today's episode of ACORN, that wacky new sitcom: California's AG orders ACORN to release relevant documents. Oops -- ACORN can't find them. But in a wacky series of events, they turn up in a dumpster. In South Dakota  (biggovernment.com)

(98)

		British scientists and doctors say providing homeopathic medicines through the national health system is unethical, in addition to being a waste of tax dollars and an affront to common sense  (guardian.co.uk)	(64)
		"Behind the petrol pumps, beyond the giant plastic whale that is beached on the forecourt - supposedly to attract customers - is the remotest hole on the world's longest golf course. It's called Dingoes Den" (pics)  (timesonline.co.uk)	(5)
		How the Loch Ness monster has been rebranded from a terrifying glimpse of what creatures might live in hell into a benign, family-friendly amusement, just like Times Square  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(37)

The greatest seasons from twenty classic shows. Well, at least it got The Simpsons right; nothing will ever top season four  (ew.com)

(207)

		Nanny state uses new terrorism powers to arrest schizophrenic with an Estes model rocket and a pocket knife  (theregister.co.uk)	(122)
		GOP goes dumpster diving outside ACORN office, shortly after AG investigation announcement  (nbclosangeles.com)	(308)

		It's the battle of wits of the century: Jessica Simpson versus Perez Hilton. Dozens of brain cells hang in the balance  (contactmusic.com)	(54)
		Dr Who is 46 years old today, and he doesn't look a day over 2,432  (wired.com)	(184)

(Oxford Mail Guy)

Not news: dark-skinned man illegally parks car in London. Still not news: it's a riced-out Honda. Fark: cops blow it up as a terrorist threat  (oxfordmail.co.uk)

(117)

If you have hacked your way into the world's most prestigious global warming center and downloaded documents indicating the whole thing is a hoax, quite a few people would like a word with you  (michellemalkin.com)

(904)

Suave latino man selected as Simpson's create a character contest winner. Such a character has never been in an episode since two episodes ago  (msnbc.msn.com)

(83)

Stephen King's sister when he told her the plot of the 1000-page book he'd been working on since the 1970s: "Oh, you mean like The Simpsons Movie?"  (blogs.tampabay.com)

(165)