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187 headlines found matching 'MMI'
Tue May 24, 2016
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Now that Democrats have agreed to let Sanders appoint 1/3 of the Party Platform Committee, he should be toning down his rhetoric, right? "We should go back to a monarchy and not have any elections at all." Or not
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kent Online)
 
 
 
Mildly attractive English girl enjoys her first ever alcoholic drink on her 18th birthday. IT'S NEWS TO US, DAMMIT
source: kentonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon May 23, 2016
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Bill Clinton:"I will not mention Donald Trump. Wait...I just did, didn't I? Goddammit"
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
If you want to make money selling software to IT professionals, you could start by dumping the commissioned sales force that ate half your revenue without writing a single line of code, but you'd have to clear it with Marketing first
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun May 22, 2016
(CNN)
 
 
 
Former Massachusetts governor Bill Weld stands by his remarks comparing Donald Trump's immigrant plan to deport Muslims to that of Hitler's own plans. And he hopes it will make him the Libertarian Party's essential VP candidate
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Woman builds pyramid, mummifies husband, and buries him there. OK, maybe she didn't build it. And not exactly a pyramid. A shed
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Chilean man decides to commit suicide by stripping naked and jumping into a lion's den at a zoo. Two lions proceed to maul him, but zoo officials shoot and kill the lions before they can finish the job
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat May 21, 2016
(ESPN)
 
 
 
MLB competition committee agrees to make changes to strike zone and intentional walks, getting to the point that baseball players may have to do a golf swing to avoid a strike
source: espn.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Adweek)
 
 
 
After acquiring Supergirl, CW says 40% of its programming will be made up of superhero shows. The other 60% will be the usual mix of good looking teenagers with completely messed up love lives
source: adweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri May 20, 2016
(CBC)
 
 
 
Man arrested for committing fraud to get Fort McMurray disaster relief. Not cool, hoser
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu May 19, 2016
(YLE (Finland))
 
 
 
The Finnish anti-immigrant/neo -Nazi group "Soldiers of Odin" REALLY should have registered their name at the trademark office so that, say, someone who hates them couldn't register it for a clothing line featuring unicorns and glitter... lots of glitter
source: yle.fi   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue May 17, 2016
(Reuters)
 
 
 
The looming threat of a Brexit means US banks are reexamining their commitment to Europe's banks
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Republicans on the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee blast White House adviser Ben Rhodes at a hearing and demand Obama fire him, seemingly forgetting Obama has to give exactly zero farks about what they want anymore
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Sanders: "I don't like the rules of the primary so near the end I think they should all be changed." Reporters: "Hillary would still be ahead of you." Sanders: "God dammit"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Yuge Trump fans plead guilty to beating homeless immigrant man. Trump plans on commuting their sentences once he becomes President and to make them homeless czars in his administration
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reason Magazine)
 
 
 
Flying Dog brewery wins 1st Amendment battle against Michigan Liquor Commission, who didn't like the name Raging Biatch. Let's all hoist an Arrogant Bastard in their honor
source: reason.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon May 16, 2016
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Trump predicts refugees with ISIS phones will commit 9/11 size attack in the U.S. You know those special ISIS phones. You get them at the store next to the Obama phones
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Seven years ago, Richmond started paying its criminals to not commit crimes. So is it working, or not?
source: us.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun May 15, 2016
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Tonight is your chance to interact with Homer Simpson LIVE... Yes, it's still on... Yep, Sundays... I dunno, some kind of gimmick or something. Episode airs at 8pm ET, gimmick starts around 8:25 or so
source: gma.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Jeremy Corbyn, the UK's own composite of Cruz, Rubio, and Trump, has reversed course on immigration, saying it's a huge plus to the economy and that migrants make an "amazing contribution" to the country
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
While swimming in a lagoon in Florida, a 10-year-old boy is bitten in the ankle by an unidentified sea creature. And thus mankind's newest superhero was born
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Does the pretty lady and the lawyer want to go swimming in the shark tank? #chompchompthread
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat May 14, 2016
(Mashable)
 
 
 
Google is offering $20/hour to people willing to spend 6-8 hours a day working as human crash test dummies in the deserts of Arizona. And you thought self-driving cars couldn't create jobs
source: mashable.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri May 13, 2016
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Obama Administration preparing to sweep a little immigration deportation problem concerning lots of women and children out of the way for Hillary before she's coronated by the Democrats. Coincidence? I think not
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Senate approves $602 billion defense bill. Well, we may not be able to feed the hungry or provide medical care for the sick, but goddammit we can bomb the shiat out of any country we want
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Military women demonstrate their commitment to the infantry
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu May 12, 2016
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Farked up: Man goes swimming following domestic disturbance. Florida: Ignores the 'Do Not Feed the Gators' signs
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed May 11, 2016
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Paul Ryan uses the fact that the news media was in full frenzy mode about his "summit meeting" with Trump to speak out about the opioid addiction epidemic, an actual problem affecting America that we need to fix. Are we SURE he's a Republican?
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Mitsubishi admits they committed more fraud
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LiveLeak)
 
Video
 
Three...two...one... RAMMING SPEED
source: liveleak.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Outside Online)
 
 
 
Lhakpa Sherpa, the all-time greatest female mountaineer on Mount Everest, can look back proudly on her six successful summits of the world's highest peak--well, when she's on break while working her houskeeping job in Connecticut, anyway
source: outsideonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue May 10, 2016
(STLToday)
 
 
 
Man commits arm assault against police officer by hitting him over the head with it
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Major League Baseball)
 
 
 
Warren Commission called to explain how Jose Ramirez's helmet flew off his head, changed direction in midair, and then hit him in the back
source: mlb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon May 09, 2016
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
According to poultry insurer, rise in hen hipsters has led to increased crime committed by gangs of hipster-hen thieves. "Norfolk Police said it was not currently aware of any crime trends involving chickens"
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Google)
 
 
 
Post-lunch pronunciation survey: sammich, sandwich, or sangwitch?
source: images.google.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Trump calls Mitt Romney an ungrateful pathetic excuse for a human being, vows to have his programming updated when he becomes president
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun May 08, 2016
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Let's all join together and wish the House Select Committee on Benghazi a happy second birthday. We're sure they'll find something criminal to report any day now. Any. Day. Now. (just remember to blow out the candles, Gowdy)
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Times)
 
 
 
Pluto may have been demoted to "dwarf planet" status, but as astronomers learn more about it, they are learning it behaves more like a real planet than once believed. IT'S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT
source: techtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri May 06, 2016
(Fark)
 
 
 
Is it time for the Fark Weird News Quiz? Hey, it's either this or quality programming
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
There's so much negativity in the news these days, so here's a story about a hummingbird rescued by a dog that now refuses to leave its side (with adorable pics)
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Top high school recruit explains why he de-committed to Ohio State, it seems that after being intensely recruited, after signing his letter of intent, he bumped into coach Urban Meyer on a campus visit and the coach had NO IDEA who he was
source: sports.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BT.com)
 
 
 
Here's how to make the perfect bacon sammich. Don't forget the brown sauce
source: home.bt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVR)
 
 
 
Is a 250 pound alligator found in a swimming pool even news in Florida?
source: wtvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu May 05, 2016
(BBC)
 
 
 
Mystery surrounds sudden appearance of spoof tourist brochure for non-existent island, where swimming pigs eat fish and Cate Blanchett keeps a pedal car
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed May 04, 2016
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Australia's immigration minister doesn't want you to know about this internet meme, so please don't click on this link
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Low oil prices force construction company Saudi Binladin Group to lay off 50,000 workers. Next up - addressing their public relations issue stemming from the fact their business contains the name "Binladin"
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
GOP: It's not over yet, goddammit. RELEASE....THE THIRD PARTY RUNNERS
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Scientist)
 
 
 
IBM puts its quantum computer online so anyone can try programming it
source: newscientist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Political cartoonist loses his 21 year long job just because he told the truth about some major corporations. What can you expect from that leftist commie rag, Iowa's Farm News?
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue May 03, 2016
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Clinton's top priorities once in office : Gun control and immigration reform. Behold, we are saved
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon May 02, 2016
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Donald Trump campaign surrogate thinks all he has to do to win presidential election is "prove he's not Adolf Hitler". Subby would also like proof that he's not Mirror Universe Abraham Lincoln, 3-D Ralph Wiggum, or an immigrant Oopa Loompa
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
It's real to him. Dammit
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri April 29, 2016
(NFL)
 
 
 
So will Rounds 2 and 3 be just as exciting as Round 1? Where will Myles Jack, A'Shawn Robinson, and Connor Cook land? Will any draft picks be booed like the Commissioner was? It is your Day Two Thread of the NFL Draft, commencing at 7:00 PM ET
source: nfl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Right Wing Watch)
 
 
 
Benghazi Select Committee expands its list of witnesses to include Radio Tough Guys
source: rightwingwatch.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shanghaiist)
 
 
 
Fisherman: Nope, nope, NOPE... why don't you keep swimming alien sea monster and get off my line
source: shanghaiist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Sports)
 
 
 
MLB's drug testing committee tells Marlins infielder Dee Gordon to take half the season off. Bad fish
source: mlb.nbcsports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu April 28, 2016
(The News & Observer (NC))
 
 
 
North Carolina Senate sends HB2 repeal bill to a committee that meets as often as transgender people actually commit assault in bathrooms
source: newsobserver.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed April 27, 2016
(WWMT Grand Rapids)
 
 
 
If you really want a mental health evaluation, there are better ways to get one than by ramming your car repeatedly into another car on the highway and screaming "ISIS" over and over. Just saying
source: wwmt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Protip: If you're an aspiring rap group, don't release a song about crimes you have actually committed
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
If you've just committed a robbery in DC, hopping the White House fence is not a good getaway plan
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Yankees manager Joe Girardi employs infield shifts regularly, but would ban them if he was MLB commissioner. "It's an illegal defense, like basketball"
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue April 26, 2016
(Oddity Central)
 
 
 
Meet NYC's cutest immigrants - The wild parrots of Brooklyn
source: odditycentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon April 25, 2016
(Fark)
 
 
 
Would you be willing to commit a crime to defend your way of life?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dallas News)
 
 
 
A woman to get six months in prison for lying about a payment she presented to Dallas County Commissioner John Wiley Price
source: crimeblog.dallasnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri April 22, 2016
(Salt Lake Tribune)
 
 
 
Sen. Elizabeth Warren rips the Securities and Exchange Commission for allowing billionaire Steven Cohen back in the hedge fund game for Wall Street boys just months after he failed to supervise a convicted insider trader
source: sltrib.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu April 21, 2016
(Newser)
 
 
 
Hey, Lindsay Lohan hasn't been in the news lately, let's check in-- ALERT: DERPCON 1 IMMINENT
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed April 20, 2016
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
France wins the pizza world championships with a bouillabaisse pizza. You're celebrating 420 by cramming a cheese whiz stuffed crust, double Spam, deep dish down your pie hole
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Worldwide Interweb)
 
 
 
What if all female celebrities were bald. Dammit, I knew a Telly Savalas reference was way too risky for today's modern internet society
source: worldwideinterweb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
Because what could be more natural than swimming with the dolphins in the middle of the Arizona desert?
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon April 18, 2016
(MSN)
 
 
 
Swimming great Grant Hackett is used to exposing his nipples as a swimmer, is accused of squeezing somebody else's on a plane
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Public Radio International)
 
 
 
With all the impeachment craziness going on in Brazil, one little fact seems to have escaped most of the media's attention: half of the impeachment committee faces corruption charges themselves
source: pri.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Man sues American cruise line company for obeying the immigration laws of the country he wanted them to take him to
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun April 17, 2016
(Christian Post)
 
 
 
Junkie Depp learns swimming is a mistake, so the boat heads for land. Alicia trusts the voice on the radio, Victor is mysterious, and Madison and Travis remain boring. It's your Fear the Walking Dead Discussion Thread, 9pm ET on AMC
source: christianpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat April 16, 2016
(Newsnet5)
 
 
 
Social justice group sets up "wall" on Caroll University campus where stories and posters can be posted to highlight immigration policy problems. Group gets mad when Trump supporters counter-protest by putting up their posters on the wall
source: newsnet5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu April 14, 2016
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
Only your one true love would tell you to get back into the truck. So you could keep inhaling the carbon monoxide so you can finally commit that suicide you've been talking about
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Food.com)
 
 
 
Fark Food Thread: Smoked, baked, braised, pulled, swimming in sauce, dry rub, whichever ya like. This here's a BBQ thread.. show us how it's done
source: food.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Arkansas Online)
 
 
 
Ninth-grade girls hire male stripper to perform at their school's synchronized swimming club's annual banquet. Surprisingly, someone has a problem with that
source: arkansasonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed April 13, 2016
(DFW Star-Telegram)
 
 
 
Emmitt Smith says are Cowboys closer to Super Bowl than record shows. Also talks about concussions and being Batman, so take it for what it is
source: star-telegram.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Pratt, spaceship, swimming pool, malfunction, androids, you've already clicked the link
source: io9.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue April 12, 2016
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Iowa Senator and Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee Chuck Grassley holds a 70-minute meeting with Obama's Supreme Court Nominee Judge Garland-but only to explain to him why Grassley will never, under any circumstances, give him a hearing
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOIN Portland)
 
 
 
USS Portland, the Navy's first pedal-powered warship, to be commissioned next year
source: koin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nola.com)
 
 
 
School cop who was videoed body-slamming a sixth-grade girl now has more time to work on his WWE career
source: nola.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon April 11, 2016
(CNN)
 
 
 
Top Benghazi committee member endorses Hillary Clinton, proving that the House was involved in the coverup
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun April 10, 2016
(Tech Times)
 
 
 
Okay, it's great and all that astronomers are searching for a new planet in our own solar system, but can they please stop calling it "Planet Nine"? We already have a ninth planet, Pluto. IT'S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT
source: techtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat April 09, 2016
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
The Benghazi panel has "lasted longer than the investigations into the federal response to Hurricane Katrina, the attack on Pearl Harbor, the assassination of President Kennedy, the Iran-Contra scandal, Church Committee, and the Watergate probe"
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri April 08, 2016
(The Blaze)
 
 
 
Proof. PROOF--That Hillary Clinton is about to be indicted for ... Something. Anything, dammit
source: theblaze.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTAR Phoenix)
 
 
 
Just because Arizona is considering laws that target illegal immigrants, the Phoenix Chamber of Commerce asks that you don't boycott the state because it could really hurt them economically
source: ktar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu April 07, 2016
(Sporting News)
 
 
 
MLB Commissioner says pitcher Jenrry Mejia will be given "fair reinstatement consideration." Apparently the league doesn't want to rush to judgment on a player who has only failed his drug tests three times
source: sportingnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed April 06, 2016
(India TV News)
 
 
 
Problem: TV personality commits well-publicized suicide. Solution: Ban ceiling fans
source: indiatvnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo UK)
 
 
 
This morning all of London is asking, "The hell is that thing swimming up the Thames?"
source: gizmodo.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
The Republican "Autopsy Report" issued following its drubbing in the 2012 election called for the party to champion immigration reform. Guess who had a problem with that
source: washingtonroulette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue April 05, 2016
(The Hill)
 
 
 
"As long as you come here legally and get a proper job ... we need immigrants. Who's going to vacuum our living rooms and clean up after us? Americans don't like to do that"
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon April 04, 2016
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission want you to report if crabs are having sex on the beach
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Muslim immigrant from Jordan running for a House seat in Nevada is told by a senator he should quit because "a Muslim cannot win." Fark: Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat April 02, 2016
(KOIN Portland)
 
 
 
Mother charged with child neglect after she committed the heinous act of making her daughters walk to school after they missed the bus
source: koin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu March 31, 2016
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
High court rules that the President violated the Constitution by having the government pay for a "security swimming pool" at his private residence
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Man commits suicide in housewares section of target using a kitchen knife, store remains open for another TWO HOURS while people continue to shop around the crime scene
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed March 30, 2016
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Yao Ming skips go and enters the NBA Hall of Fame under a newly created Direct Elect International Committee
source: sports.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(STV.tv)
 
 
 
Starting next week everyone immigrating to the UK must be compulsorily microchipped and its details registered on an approved database. Wait, it's just for dogs
source: stv.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue March 29, 2016
(Guardian)
 
 
 
UN commission decides the Falkland Islands lie in Argentinian Waters. New Order heard prepping a follow-up single to Blue Monday
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun March 27, 2016
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
New York City police Commissioner Bill Bratton slammed Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz in an op-ed, saying "We will not intimidate Muslims to appease shrill politicians"
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat March 26, 2016
(MSN)
 
 
 
Michigan Film Commission burnt up a Joker's pile of taxpayer's money subsidizing Batman Versus Superman
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri March 25, 2016
(VT Digger)
 
 
 
The Intex "Easy Set" swimming pool retails for anywhere from $35 to $500 depending on its dimensions, and it's perfect for storing low level radioactive water at your Nuclear Power Plant. "Excellent"
source: vtdigger.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue March 22, 2016
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
The Central Committee of the North Carolina Republican party has voted to censure and severely restrict the powers of the State Party Chairman after apparently just discovering he was black
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun March 20, 2016
(ESPN)
 
 
 
Peyton Manning wants to organize a 10-year Super Bowl reunion during the Bears-Colts game this upcoming season. Bears defenders Mike Brown and Tommie Harris have already said they will have to miss it
source: espn.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri March 18, 2016
(Toronto Sun)
 
 
 
Give me my Timmies and no one gets hurt
source: torontosun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu March 17, 2016
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
If you're in the Seattle area and you notice salmon swimming upstream in a particular erratic and speedy manner this year, then it might be something to do with the cocaine
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
U.S. Citizen and Immigration Services sees a 14.5% jump in naturalization applications so Latinos can vote for anybody but Trump
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Right Wing Watch)
 
 
 
Ted Cruz supporter says only Cruz can "save us all from single immigrant mothers having anchor babies"
source: rightwingwatch.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed March 16, 2016
(Politico)
 
 
 
Haley, still orbiting the Republican race, comets... uh, commits to Cruz after supporting Rubio, still avoiding the flaming gas orb frontrunner
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri March 11, 2016
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Chair of Democratic National Committee asks media to please stop reporting on the undemocratic aspects of her primary
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
Virgin Islands hold caucus, remain uncommitted (link updated)
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu March 10, 2016
(Guardian)
 
 
 
ISIS personnel files leaked. DAMMIT PAM
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reason Magazine)
 
 
 
Researchers demonstrate a computer that can pick who is more likely to commit a violent crime. Apparently the program is trained to immediately go to the roster of the Cincinnati Bengals
source: reason.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Chicago police launch a massive undercover operation to arrest a man using a jamming device on the Red Line because riders talking on their cellphones annoyed him
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed March 09, 2016
(Austin.com)
 
 
 
The Texas 'taco war' between Austin and San Antonio is escalating to a 'taco summit.' Experts predict 'taco apocalypse' before year's end
source: austin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Gateway Pundit)
 
 
 
Man who killed four people in Kansas City is an illegal immigrant from Mexico who had been deported before. If only we had some laws that would have prevented this crime
source: thegatewaypundit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(STLToday)
 
 
 
In one day, the MO Senate votes to defund Planned Parenthood and let you commit crimes for Jesus
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Obama denies he let Wall Street off the hook. Mostly because when it comes to the crimes committed on Wall Street, no one has ever actually been on the hook
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFMZ Allentown)
 
 
 
Before committing an armed robbery, always remember to check your surroundings
source: wfmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue March 08, 2016
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
The National Republican Senatorial Committee hastily deletes a tweet attacking Illinois Rep. Tammy Duckworth for her "Sad record of not standing up for veterans." That would be combat-wounded, double amputee Tammy Duckworth
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Remember the mummified sailor that was found adrift on February 25th? Yeah well apparently he was discovered back on January 31st but the USCG told the boat that found him to go on their merry way because they'd take care of it
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
J. Jonah Jameson tapped to play Commissioner Gordon in Justice League
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon March 07, 2016
(Nola.com)
 
 
 
City Planning Commission to soon debate how many strip clubs is too many in New Orleans, will consider the imposition of a "soft moratorium" on new clubs. Hard moratorium to come later after commision members have visited all the clubs
source: nola.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
So, suppose there was a way in which foreign immigrants could basically buy their permanent residency by exploiting a loophole with a "high probability of fraud," you would be opposed to that, right, Mr. Trump?
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Entertainment Weekly)
 
 
 
Greg Nicotero breaks down the chilling ending to "Not Tomorrow Yet," which starts with Carol baking cookies and ends with [SPOILERS]. Dammit, now I want cookies
source: ew.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun March 06, 2016
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
NASA is freaking people out with an image suggesting a major earthquake in southern California is imminent
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Scientists to clone Ice Age lion cubs after discovering 'near-perfect' 12,000-year-old specimens. MN dentist Walter Palmer last seen cleaning rifles and humming theme song from "Hatari"
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
British astronaut Tim Peake the first human to eat a bacon sammich in orbit, but it wasn't easy: "It has to go through all these tests before it's declared fit to eat in space. You're thinking it should be able to do this. IT'S ONLY A BACON SANDWICH"
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat March 05, 2016
(Fresno Bee)
 
 
 
Senior Justice Department official thinks that in between building towers of blocks and drawing all over the walls toddlers "can learn immigration law well enough to represent themselves in court"
source: fresnobee.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri March 04, 2016
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
The GOP last night "committed suicide on national television"
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu March 03, 2016
(Express & Star)
 
 
 
If you try to frame an innocent man for a murder you committed, you're evil. If you try to do the same except with a speeding ticket, you're just stupid
source: expressandstar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Olympic Games)
 
 
 
There will be a new team participating in the categories High Jump, Swimming, Hurdling, and Rowing at the 2016 Olympics
source: olympic.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed March 02, 2016
(Gawker)
 
 
 
When not body-slamming photographers, Trump's campaign is giving media credentials to white nationalist radio hosts who think "interracial sex is white genocide." Bonus: They scored a 20-minute interview with Trump Jr. that they will be airing soon
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue March 01, 2016
(Center for Public Integrity)
 
 
 
Everywhere you look in Washington it's sleaze, but at least the groups decrying dark money in politics aren't...they what?...DAMMITSOMUCH YOURENOTHELPING
source: publicintegrity.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon February 29, 2016
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
The mummified body of a German adventurer has been discovered on his abandoned yacht - which silently drifted around the world for years. Scooby, Shaggy and the gang ready themselves for a new adventure (Graphic content warning: link has a pic of the dead body)
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun February 28, 2016
(NYPost)
 
 
 
"Memo to Millennials: Corporate America doesn't want to have a 'dialogue' about your 'concerns.' Being an employee is not like being a college student. Your boss isn't there to give you a cuddle and establish a committee to change his ways for you"
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat February 27, 2016
(USA Today)
 
 
 
The turntable revolution is nigh. Dammit, Beck, this is not where it's at
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadspin)
 
 
 
NFL considers trimming preseason from four games to three, disappointing absolutely no one
source: deadspin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Beirut has apparently elected Homer Simpson as Sanitation Commissioner
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri February 26, 2016
(NPR)
 
 
 
The six biggest takeaways from Thursday's GOP debate. Though no one is addressing how Rubiot's new programming is working
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu February 25, 2016
(Canoe)
 
 
 
There are many reasons for committing a home invasion - you need the cash, you hate the owner, it's cold outside, you're looking for a sex tape with an underaged hooker
source: cnews.canoe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue February 23, 2016
(Slate)
 
 
 
Marco Rubio has gone on the offensive against Ted Cruz. He really should have started attacking Donald Trump, but his programming wouldn't allow it
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon February 22, 2016
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
"While there is no sign of an imminent threat, several recent papers suggest that the eventual emergence of a contagious human cancer is within the realm of medical possibility"
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun February 21, 2016
(Metro)
 
 
 
Judge: "You have been accused of committing a very serious crime. How do you respond?" Defendant: "What's up, y'all? You can follow me on Twitter follow me on Instagram, Snapchat"
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Matchbox 20 frontman Rob Thomas, trying to revive career in Australia, commits Michael Richards-esque career suicide with some ill-considered comic banter from Rod Laver Arena stage
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat February 20, 2016
(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
Nevada Republicans prove the existence of voter fraud by asking their members to commit voter fraud
source: politicususa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
4-year-old Egyptian boy sentenced to life in prison for committing four murders when he was only one after his name was added to list by mistake. "Logic committed suicide a while ago. Egypt went crazy. Egypt is ruled by a bunch of lunatics"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
Cyclone Winston is currently slamming into Fiji's capital in a direct hit. With sustained winds over 135 mph and gusts over 200 mph, it's one of the most powerful cyclones ever recorded
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(US Uncut)
 
 
 
Ahhh...the memories of YMCA summer camp. Campfires, singing, S'mores, crafts, swimming, fishing, black children acting as slaves on the auction block while some teachers and camp instructors acted as slave masters, chasing them on horseback
source: usuncut.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu February 18, 2016
(Breitbart.com)
 
 
 
FCC Commissioner says the U.S. tradition of free speech is slipping away. It's just too bad he doesn't sit on some sort of committee which has the power to actually control what goes over the nation's airwaves
source: breitbart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Flower vases, chandeliers, hummingbird feeders, and other things you can convert your empty bottles into that help mask the fact that you're a raging alcoholic
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed February 17, 2016
(New Europe)
 
 
 
What single company lobbies the European Commission the most? (hint hint it's American)
source: neurope.eu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Placing his faith in the "sensible" American voters, Commie Muslim Kenyan "leader" without a birth certificate believes Trump will not be elected President
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue February 16, 2016
(Stereogum)
 
 
 
Peter Cetera backs out of reunion with Robert Lamm and Chicago as part of band's Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame induction, says he's "frustrated and tired" that no one appreciates his solo work or family commitments
source: stereogum.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(12News Phoenix)
 
 
 
When you're a rock band whose gimmick is to start fires on stage, maybe you should check to see if the venue you play in doesn't have sprinklers first
source: 12news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon February 15, 2016
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
The latest dingbat to go full Birther on Cruz and Rubio is an RNC committeewoman
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Trump: Cuban immigrants' special access to the US Republican presidential primaries is wrong
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Web programming is so easy, even an out of work Kentucky coal miner can do it
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun February 14, 2016
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
Driver passes time during long police chase by doing drugs, Snapchatting and Instagramming (w/ video)
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NewsMax)
 
 
 
Democratic Senator slams Obama's budget proposal that will never even get a sub-committee hearing in the Republican-led Senate. We're not only through the looking glass, we've broken the mirror into a million pieces
source: newsmax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu February 11, 2016
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Consumer Product Safety Commission issues warning against Burny Sanders
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
There's a chance some GOP officials may have committed some...light treason...by trying to interfere with last month's Iran prisoner swap
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed February 10, 2016
(WSFA)
 
 
 
All male Utah State House committee to debate making tampons tax free. This will likely be one tax cut Republicans are against
source: wsfa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fansided)
 
 
 
Vince McMahon suspends Titus O'Neil for playfully grabbing his arm because the WWE needs to stay committed to seriousness and proper decorum at all times
source: fansided.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue February 09, 2016
(Patheos)
 
 
 
WV Republicans pushing new law that would make any crime legal if committed in the name of religion. Well that sounds like a great idea
source: patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pro Football Talk)
 
 
 
If the NFL Commissioner had his way, Broncos Aqib Talib would have been kicked out of Super Bowl 50 by the 2nd quarter for being an asshat
source: profootballtalk.nbcsports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat February 06, 2016
(WTKR)
 
 
 
If you're going to commit a home invasion, maybe you should wear a mask so the victim can't recognize you from his high school yearbook
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
And the nominees for most ridiculous Oscars 2016 gift bag item are: $19.88 Hydroxycut Gummies, $300 My M&M's and $1,900 Vampire Breast Lift
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Fri February 05, 2016
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
A man is trying to commit suicide? Well, we can't have THAT, so PEW PEW PEW
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadline)
 
 
 
Megyn Kelly says Donald Trump still hasn't committed to the next Fox News debate because he's still terrified of her
source: deadline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu February 04, 2016
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Pharma Bro pleads the 5th to every question except how to pronounce his name. Committee feeling ill
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed February 03, 2016
(KTVO Kirksville)
 
 
 
Comcast is bribing a Senator, who happens to be on a committee that oversees the telecommunications industry, and his son, to lobby the FCC on its behalf
source: ktvo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
If you're planning to swim off the coast of Palm Beach, watch out for the thousands of sharks just swimming about
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro US)
 
 
 
Drexel College designates new off-campus residence hall as "foodie dorm" for food-obsessed hospitality majors. "Programming planned for the learning spaces includes cooking classes and lessons on ways to start and manage restaurants or food trucks"
source: metro.us   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WUSA9)
 
 
 
Crime has gotten so bad in Washington D.C. that the D.C. City Council unanimously approved a bill to pay residents not to commit crimes
source: wusa9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue February 02, 2016
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
Goddammit, Murphy, you're supposed to pick up the hookers AFTER the Super Bowl
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
The Texas Ethics Commission (Yes, shockingly, there apparently IS one) tells the state's Attorney General he cannot ask wealthy donors to pay his legal fees as he fights felony securities fraud charges because, come the fark on, really?
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon February 01, 2016
(Suffolk Gazette)
 
 
 
"If a man also lie with a tractor, as he lieth with a woman, he has committed an abomination: he shall surely be put on the sex offender register; the axle grease shall be upon him" Massey-Ferguson 20:13
source: suffolkgazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Germany hands out PSA cartoons on how not to be sexist boorish immigrants
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sun January 31, 2016
(BBC)
 
 
 
Long before slummy mummies, pyjamas once ruled the fashion world
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Guardian headline: Terry Wogan, veteran BBC broadcaster, dies of cancer aged 77. Daily Mail headline: Immigrants are taking our cemetery plots
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Sat January 30, 2016
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
'Slummy mummies' who wear pajamas in public while taking children to school should expect their husbands to cheat, according to Daily Mail writer who asserts that in France the moms primp themselves to look sexy and flirt with the headmaster
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
The most remote inhabited island in the entire world is looking for a farmer. "There's a pub, cafe, dance hall, swimming pool, and tourist center on the island to enjoy"
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Thu January 28, 2016
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
A congressional hearing on the Flint water crisis has been scheduled for February 3rd by the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. Fark: Governor Rick Synder will *not* be called to testify
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Man faces deportation because immigration officials now consider ballroom dancing a sport, not an art
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Wed January 27, 2016
(Sports Illustrated)
 
 
 
MLB Commissioner says the designated hitter is not coming to the NL anytime soon. Mostly because fans need the pitcher's spot in the lineup so they can go to the restroom and know they aren't going to miss anything exciting
source: si.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 

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