Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- links tagged 'MIT'

Headlines matching 'MIT'

Thu February 09, 2012

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Some Cato and Nash)		Cybersecurity Information Sharing Act of 2012. SOPA's nosy little brother. Brought to you by Senator Harry Reid (D)ammit, we done told you once (cato-at-liberty.org)	(66)
		Now witness the full power of Mitch McConnell's projection (politico.com)	(99)
		New Hampshire Republicans propose bill to eliminate workers' lunch breaks. Bills requiring workers to kick puppies and root for Duke still in committee (thinkprogress.org)	(60)
(Some Guy)		Los Angeles may fine you $1,000 if you throw any object besides a beach ball or volleyball on a beach without a permit. Feel free to throw an objectless fit at no cost, however (losangeles.cbslocal.com)	(75)
(CBS Boston)		Former Red Sox pitcher 'Oil Can' Boyd admits to being Oil Caine Boyd, two-thirds of the time (boston.cbslocal.com)	(29)

Wed February 08, 2012

		From the "Why Haven't They Been Doing That All Along?" files: Congress introduces legislation to limit levels of lead and arsenic in fruit juice. Next up - Bringing down the levels of broken glass in breakfast cereal (consumerist.com)	(104)
		"While Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum are making each other unelectable, the president is singing Al Green, congratulating Super Bowl winners, raising obscene amounts of campaign cash and watching his poll numbers soar" (washingtonpost.com)	(323)
		Assuming he got any sleep last night, Mitt Romney is waking up to realize that last night was his own personal hell. Here's what losing to Santorum might cost him (salon.com)	(166)
		Mitt Romney's latest proposal has been denounced by TEA party leaders, The Club For Growth, and the US Chamber of Commerce and described as "class warfare". The proposal? Making sure the minimum wage keeps up with inflation (news.yahoo.com)	(286)

Tue February 07, 2012

		Will Mittens lick Santorum in Colorado? Will conservatives in Missoura change the race? Will Giant Elderly Baby do any better than third? Who is RON PAUL? It's your Minnesota/Missouri/Colorado Republican election thread (google.com)	(814)
		Mitt Romney blasts the ruling overturning Proposition 8. Not because of the social issues at stake, but because he wasted all that money getting it passed in the first place (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(311)
		Mitt Romney is anti-Christ (salon.com)	(119)
		Study finds that McDonald's revives the McRib sandwich in order to crush pesky competition for imitation pork sandwiches. You stopped reading after McRib didn't you? (daytondailynews.com)	(69)
		Romney wins Facebook fan primary, submits self shot picture from bathroom in a muscle shirt with duck lips face (politico.com)	(7)
		Mitt Romney comes out from under his rock to prove just how out of touch he really is: in the battle of Komen vs. Planned Parenthood, he's still rooting for Komen (mercurynews.com)	(61)

Mon February 06, 2012

(411Mania)	Latest ABCNews poll has President Obama leading Mitt Romney 51-45%, and by more than 2 to 1, voters say that the more they learn about Romney, the less they like him. This is bad news...for Obama (411mania.com)	(172)
	Fox News contributor and Breitbart catamite: "Obama should go back to burning the taxpayer-funded incense to whatever pagan, foreign deity he's worshipping" (mediamatters.org)	(196)
	You know your ex is a committed stalker if he wants to win back your heart by kidnapping you using a plan that's so detailed it's 23 pages long, has maps and photos and even a code name: "Operation Stitches" (palmbeachpost.com)	(123)
(BattleSwarm)	Remember unrepentant SOPA sponsor Lamar Smith (R-MPAA)? He now has a primary challenger. Prepare to taste the fury of a fully operational Internet (battleswarmblog.com)	(43)

Sun February 05, 2012

		Six trees older than human civilization. You submitted this with a "your mom" joke (mentalfloss.com)	(168)
		Think your boss is bad? At least he doesn't limit your to a total of eight minutes of bathroom time per day and uses a surveillance system to keep you honest (huffingtonpost.com)	(90)
		In development since 1994, self cooling cans may finally hit the market. You submitted this with the [cool] tag (gizmodo.com)	(57)

Sat February 04, 2012

		Republican National Committee explains why this year's race has turned so ugly: Blame Florida (washingtonpost.com)	(68)
		Syracuse beats St. John's, giving Jim Boeheim his 879th win, tying him for third all-time with UNC legend Dean Smith. In other news, Jim Boeheim's wife is freaking hot (nydailynews.com)	(11)
		Newt Gingrich's new insults for Mitt Romney are "Rich Guy" and "Little Food Stamp", which is almost charming, actually (abcnews.go.com)	(109)
		Bill Maher un-baptizes Mitt Romney's atheist father-in-law (gawker.com)	(290)
		Mitt Romney: We are the only people who put their hand over our hearts during the national anthem. In other news, Chinese, South Africans, Brazilians, Ghanaians, Cubans, Mexicans, and Peruvians aren't people (buzzfeed.com)	(159)

Fri February 03, 2012

		Willow Smith whipped her hair back and forth so many times that it fell out (omg.yahoo.com)	(24)
		In a shocking and totally unpredictable move, GOP leaders look to renege on the defense limit cuts called for in last years sequester deal. Obama and Democrats flabbergasted (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(121)
		Mitt Romney says he "Mispoke" when he said that he "wasn't concerned about the very poor" and that what he meant to say was "I want to grind them up and use them for foodstuffs, no..wait..do over" (washingtonpost.com)	(138)

Thu February 02, 2012

(doctorwhotv.co.uk)	Matt Smith wants a "cooler, younger Doctor" for number 12. Becoming ginger notably absent (doctorwhotv.co.uk)	(174)
	Adrian Peterson will be permitted to change his number, so long as he buys the $1,000,000 worth of existing Reebok jerseys with his current number (startribune.com)	(34)
	Obama admits that religious doctrine guides his decisions (washingtonpost.com)	(313)
	More good news for Mitt Romney as Sharron Angle is set to endorse Rick Santorum (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(11)
	Mitt Romney may have won in Florida...but he also lost a few things. Florida truly giveth and taketh away (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(28)
	Pro-tip: If you're going to submit legislation given to you by a shady, secretive lobbying group, then it may be a good idea to remove said lobbying group's mission statement from the legislation text first (dailykos.com)	(52)

Wed February 01, 2012

		Houston faces penalties over 1970's smog limits, 1970's Astros uniforms (chron.com)	(20)
		Michelle Bachmann has campaign debt. Mitt Romney has lots of money. Romney wants Bachmann's endorsement. What happens next? (boston.com)	(41)
		Mitt Romney follows up his decisive Florida primary win with another shot to the foot: I'm not concerned about the very poor...that's what the Democratic party is for (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(291)
		Because "Mittens" Romney now has real gloves in the fight, the Secret Service is giving him protection (abcnews.go.com)	(135)

Tue January 31, 2012

	Mitt Romney sings 'America the Beautiful'. Either that or there's a coyote stuck under my car tire (washingtonpost.com)	(61)
	I'm voting for Newt today, just as a protest vote against the sleazy and Nixonian liberal RINO Willard Mittons (townhall.com)	(164)
(Some Guy)	How rich is Mitt Romney? Take all the wealth from every president from Nixon to Obama. Then double it (starhq.com)	(265)

Mon January 30, 2012

	President Obama admits bombing Pakistan on numerous occasions (bbc.co.uk)	(70)
	Find out what your animal name is. This link submitted by Flopsy the Laughing Rhino (buzzfeed.com)	(258)
(Kitsap Sun)	Drunk 21 year old enters wrong apartment, climbs into bed with 80 year old woman. He told police nothing happened, at least nothing he wanted to admit (kitsapsun.com)	(35)
	Employees at new casino facing "term limits" (npr.org)	(148)
	49ers linebacker Aldon Smith can't be bothered to give a fark in his DUI arrest mugshot (nydailynews.com)	(29)

Sat January 28, 2012

		Yet another example that Canada is cool: Dwarf-tossing event to take place, despite objections from busybodies and naysayers. You submitted this with a shorter headline (foxnews.com)	(52)
		Jaclyn Smith certainly has aged well. For a duck (dailymail.co.uk)	(36)

Fri January 27, 2012

		Mitt Romney converted his atheist father-in-law to Mormonism after his death. Take that, Atheists (gawker.com)	(195)
		Mitch Daniels: "Steve Jobs created more jobs than Obama's entire stimulus." Krugman: "Apple employs 700,000 people outside the US; 43,000 inside of it. There's a reason for that, bud" (nytimes.com)	(153)
		Other Somali pirates holding Americans hostage were just a mite rattled by Wednesday's rescue mission (news.yahoo.com)	(101)
		Mitt Romney actually got hit on Romneycare, and would like to remind you that "it's nothing to get angry about". Because opposing anger appeals to Republicans (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(17)
		Twitter believes in limitless free expression and stands by those who risk their lives to fight oppression, and it wants you to remember that while it deletes any of their Tweets that might offend thin-skinned regimes, dictators, or despots (cnn.com)	(27)
		The world's first computer password may as well have been 1234 or password. Damn, now I have to update my Fark account again (wired.com)	(21)
		I'm Mitt Romney, and I approve this message, until I get questioned about it during a debate, then I don't know what you're talking about (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(83)

Thu January 26, 2012

(Miami New Times)	Actual headline: 'Mitt Romney's Anal Tendencies' (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)	(20)
(FrogSoda)	Wallace and Gromit's Aardman animates DC characters (frogsoda.com)	(11)
	Newt Gingrich forced to admit that not only was he a liar, crank, and all around jerk in the 1980s and 1990s and 2000s....but also last week to CNN's John King (politico.com)	(67)
	If you commit a felony burglary, you might as well go big and swipe just the most expensive stuff. You know, the snack food and maybe a couple of straws (blogs.tcpalm.com)	(2)

Wed January 25, 2012

		Lepers criticize Wallace & Gromit filmmakers over leprosy joke. Oh, c'mon, pull yourselves together (thesun.co.uk)	(47)
		Three new questions raised by Mitt Romney's tax returns. Most notable question? "How many wives do you have?" (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(63)
		Mitch "Single Most Important Thing" McConnell (R-eptile, KY) - "(Obama's) goal isn't to conquer the nation's problems. It's to conquer Republicans" (abcnews.go.com)	(118)
		Mitch Daniels' State of the Union rebuttal isn't a pack of lies, let's just say he takes creative license with reality (npr.org)	(48)
		Kerry aide committed treason (bostonherald.com)	(57)
		Finally a politician ADMITS Greece is unlikely to be saved from financial ruin. Bonus Pic : Prototype German Cyberman (guardian.co.uk)	(31)
		The House on Tuesday approved a measure that seeks to permit religious symbols on federal war memorials; betting pool now open on how long before the first pentagram is erected for the lulz (latimes.com)	(214)

Tue January 24, 2012

		Here's a fun game: type your annual income into the Romneyizer and find out how long it would take ol' Mitt to make it (slate.com)	(503)
		Mitt's unfavorability is soaring to Gingrichian levels (talkingpointsmemo.com)	(111)
		Warren Buffett's Burlington Northern railroad comes up a winner from the Obama administration's decision to reject the Keystone XL oil pipeline permit (sfgate.com)	(117)
		Mitt Romney closed his wife's Swiss bank account, presumably because he didn't want Americans to discover he is, in fact, a Bond villain (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(114)
		Kristin Cavallari admits her pregnancy was an accident. Just like most of Cutler's successful completions (tmz.com)	(59)
		In two years, Mitt Romney made more money than the median salary will generate in 900 years - on a tax rate of just 13% (msnbc.msn.com)	(701)

Mon January 23, 2012

		The media doesn't know the difference between venture capitalism and private equity, and their confusion is benefiting Mitt Romney (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(45)
		Paul Martin calls on Stephen Harper to admit mistake. Stephen Harper calls on Paul Martin to unify quantum physics with general relativity, balance the U.S. budget, and battle his evil double from an alternate reality to the death first (canada.com)	(42)
		Gingrich said the $300,000 penalty he was ordered to pay by the House Ethics Committee was a reimbursement for the cost of the investigation, and that "on every single count, I was exonerated" (thinkprogress.org)	(301)
		Andrea Mitchell Claims Mitt Romney's Family Entered US Illegally (mediaite.com)	(141)

Sun January 22, 2012

	Iowans upset that they have to wait for up to three years for a hunting permit while celebrities like Bo Jackson can just waltz in and get one whenever they want. Funny who Iowans consider celebrities (desmoinesregister.com)	(92)
	Mitt Romney develops uncanny hindsight, decides to release his tax returns on Tuesday (boston.com)	(135)
	Not feeling well? Stuffed up? Your papers, citizen. I'll just go ahead and transmit this cold medicine purchase information to the police (suntimes.com)	(286)
	Newt's epic crushing of Mitt Romney, the Republican establishment's anointed candidate, has thrown the normally well-oiled GOP into a full-blown, pant-shiatting panic (thedailybeast.com)	(272)
	Boehner admits he may hold payroll tax cut hostage to get Obama to approve the Keystone XL pipeline. Holding something hostage unless your political demands are met? I believe there's a word for that (rawstory.com)	(362)
(Some Guy)	Caption Mitt and his washing machine (a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net)	(13)
	Mitt Romney does his own laundry (w/pic) (buzzfeed.com)	(136)

Sat January 21, 2012

(Sufferin' succotash)	Yosemite in time lapse HD (vimeo.com)	(38)
(Some Wacky Guy)	The Evangelical community hired someone with vast experience building Geocities websites to develop their attack on Mitt Romney and his wacky religion. This is going to be a fun 10 months (beyondmormonism.com)	(84)
	I've got to admit it's getting better/it's a little better all the time/it can't get no worse (dailykos.com)	(71)

Fri January 20, 2012

(UFC)	Can Melvin Guillard win a fight that matters? Will Jorge Rivera win his retirement fight? Can Pat Barry not get submitted? Its your UFC on FX thread. (6:00 ET for prelims on Fuel TV, 9:00 on FX for Main card) (ufc.com)	(365)
	Jeff Fisher's mullet commits to playing "home" game in London's Wembley Stadium for three straight years; the 2012 matchup will be Jeff Fisher's mullet vs. the Patriots (old.news.yahoo.com)	(83)
	Mitt Romney last night: How dare you say I'm pro-choice, I have an endorsement from a pro-life group. Mitt Romney ten years ago: How dare you say I have an endorsement from a pro-life group, I'm pro-choice (dailykos.com)	(158)
(Topless Robot)	The nine most terrifying, upsetting characters from MST3K films. Yes, Mitchell is on the list (toplessrobot.com)	(227)
	One violent sex crime was committed by a soldier every six hours and 40 minutes in 2011. While I admire the stamina, they should probably stop him (news.yahoo.com)	(146)
	If you're angry about how little Mitt Romney pays in taxes, what that probably means is that you don't have the deep, thorough understanding of "tax rate" vs. "tax bracket" that USA Today can give you (usatoday.com)	(162)
	Pretty much admitting he was part of the joke all along, Herman Cain and Stephen Colbert will hold a joint political rally tomorrow in SC. If any of you guys are there and don't take pictures, the terrorists win (iheartchaos.com)	(44)

Thu January 19, 2012

	Will Americans join the itty bitty titty committee? (slate.com)	(345)
	Newt may have just committed a felony by offering Palin a job for her endorsement. In his defense, he very rarely keeps promises he makes to women (dailykos.com)	(125)
	Italian doctors discover a man admitted to their hospital was secretly a Time Lord (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)	(48)
	Now you can get throttled by Virgin too. Submitter had to pay extra for that back in the day (gizmodo.com)	(13)
	Mitt Romney would be outraged that his high taxes were paying for the cushy government pensions of three other Republican presidential candidates (if he paid high taxes, that is). The only one to opt out? RON PAUL (businessweek.com)	(55)
(Some Guy)	Early candidate for Ultimate Prankster 2012: Farmer admits to spray painting hawks pinkish-red before releasing them just to trick bird watchers into thinking they've discovered a new species (heraldsun.com.au)	(76)
	It's Dolly Parton's 66th birthday and dadgummit - she's earned the right to do Stairway all country-like if she wants to (youtube.com)	(87)

Wed January 18, 2012

	You know what else SOPA/PIPA will destroy? Our ability to see William Shatner sing "Rocket Man", and dammit Jim, I don't wanna live in that world (youtube.com)	(11)
	Mitt Romney is a kind and generous soul who has been giving millions of dollars per year to one particular charity. And that "charity" is a certain church known for its magic underwear, golden tablets, and talking rocks (news.yahoo.com)	(164)
	Astronomers aim to achieve what pornographers have been doing for years (news.discovery.com)	(20)
(Brooklyn Daily)	"There is no policy that limits bathroom breaks," said the school board. Well, not including the contest awarding prizes for whoever could hold it in longest (brooklyndaily.com)	(15)
(Some Hero)	I will not be submitting a link today, because I don't want to participate in this shameful and desperate display of greenlight greed (urbandictionary.com)	(25)
	Anyone who's ever had to deal with a drunk guy at a party knows how annoying they can be. But it's even worse when you're trying to commit armed robbery (youtube.com)	(7)
	Uh-oh...Drew is promising to greenlight everything. LGT main page thread NOT EVERTHING JUST STUFF SuBMITTED BY TOOLS (fark.com)	(105)
	Does everything here have to be submitted in triplicate? This is now a discussion about dodgeballs YOU SAID BALLS (fark.com)	(23)
	Here's John McCain's 200 page opposition research file on Mitt Romney (buzzfeed.com)	(50)
	ALRIG/ht GODDMN IT YOU KNOWWHAT? PEOPLE ARE ASKING ME WY I SUPPORT SOPA AND WANT ME TO DELETE POLITICS QUEUE GOTOHELL UM GONNAAPPROVE EVERYTHING THEY SUbMIT UntiL IU PASS OUT (fark.com)	(1620)

Tue January 17, 2012

(Some Guy)		Students name NASA's twin moon probes 'Ebb' and 'Flow'. You can't explain that (collectspace.com)	(23)
		Patsy Tombaugh, widow of Pluto's discoverer, dies at age 99. Private ceremony will be limited to inner circle of friends (cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com)	(91)

Mon January 16, 2012

	The "Napoleon Dynamite" animated series pulled in solid ratings for its premiere, GOSH (insidetv.ew.com)	(208)
(Some Guy)	Group seeks to obtain conceal and curry permits (wsbtv.com)	(245)
	Outgoing Russian President Dimitry Medvedev pulls a mini-coup on his way out the door. Premier Putin reportedly most displeased (miamiherald.com)	(29)

Sun January 15, 2012

If corporations are people, doesn't that make Mitt Romney a serial killer? (buzzfeed.com)

(98)

Sat January 14, 2012

		Lost in all the discussion about Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, and Ron Paul is the fact that Vermin Supreme got 831 votes in the New Hampshire primary. "I am a tyrant that you can trust" (nzherald.co.nz)	(90)
		Mena Suvari is back on the market. This is not a repeat from 2005. Line forms behind submitter (upi.com)	(85)
		Cyndi Lauper discovers one of her songs is used in an ad discrediting Mitt Romney, pulls it. Not because she's a supporter; she said "Romney can discredit himself without the use of my work" (spinner.com)	(60)

Fri January 13, 2012

	Goldman Sachs executive rents Aspen hotel for his daughter's Bat Mitzvah. Yes, the whole hotel (rollingstone.com)	(83)
	Despite gays in the military, cussing on television, violent video games, and declining church attendance, smitings are at record low levels (usatoday.com)	(54)
	Lamar Smith on SOPA opponents: "Do they profit from selling advertising to these foreign websites? And if they do, they need to be stopped. And I don't mind taking that on" (theatlanticwire.com)	(52)
	Rick Santorum says he should be the Republican nominee because Mitt Romney isn't crazy enough to mobilize Republican voters. No, really, that's what he said (news.yahoo.com)	(47)
	The Senators shut out the league leading Rangers in New York last night. Quit laughing dammit, this is what the Mayans were talking about (nhl.com)	(79)
	Catholic German priest admits to 280 counts of being a Catholic priest (abcnews.go.com)	(112)
	Ron Paul says he and his supporters are "nibbling at the heels" of Mitt Romney, making Romney the first candidate in US history to be in danger of being nibbled to death by dicks (cbsnews.com)	(58)
(Vice.com)	Rep. Lamar Smith, author of SOPA legislation, is a copyright violator (vice.com)	(92)
(Some Guy)	Coach's husband admits setting up video camera to spy on volleyball team's slumber party. I'D DO IT AGAIN. AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I'D DO IT AGAIN (kirotv.com)	(107)
	Newt Gingrich ad attacks Mitt Romney for being able to speak French. What else isn't Romney telling us? The guy can probably read and add, too (politico.com)	(154)
	Ohio Highway Patrol: We don't want the speed limit raised on interstates raised to 70 because it might cut into ticket revenue...err, "because it diminishes traffic safety" (news.cincinnati.com)	(162)

Thu January 12, 2012

		Eels always look like they just submitted a link and are waiting for mods to greenlight (buzzfeed.com)	(32)
		Mitt Romney picks up a key endorsement from John Bolton. Wait, this is supposed to be good news for Romney? (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)	(43)
		Mitt Romney: The only reason anyone would talk about inequality is the "politics of envy". Reality: Everybody but the 1% have been getting hosed for decades (krugman.blogs.nytimes.com)	(167)
		Not news: Congressman rips into SOPA bill, defends Google. News: A Republican congressman. Fark: The chairman of the House Oversight Committee and 11 year member of the House Judiciary Committee (theregister.co.uk)	(74)

Wed January 11, 2012

	Mr. & Mrs. Smith go to Washington (washingtonscene.thehill.com)	(29)
	James O'Keefe did us all the favor of filming himself conspiring to commit felony vote fraud in New Hampshire yesterday (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(297)
	Warren Buffet pledges to match the GOP dollar for dollar in donations to reduce the debt - except for Mitch McConnell, who he'll match 3-1 (msnbc.msn.com)	(222)
	Stephen Colbert says Mitt Romney's opponents are piling on him like Newt on a younger, healthier wife (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(38)
(Topless Robot)	Ten toys only true hardcore fans give a damn about. Hey, that Willrow Hood ice cream maker action figure from Empire Strikes Back is ESSENTIAL, dammit (toplessrobot.com)	(28)
	Want Spock ears but don't want to commit to body modification surgery? Knit long and prosper (boingboing.net)	(8)
	Katy Perry's father apologizes for anti-Semitic remarks, shows that boobs run in the family (marquee.blogs.cnn.com)	(30)
	Taking "until death do us part" a little too seriously: newly-married couple commits suicide after argument (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)	(68)

Tue January 10, 2012

		Republican gubernatorial candidate claims to have an Economics degree. Conveniently omits that it is a Home Economics degree (stltoday.com)	(42)
		Mitt Romney attempts to connect with voters as only Mitt Romney can: "This is the college football night" (dailycaller.com)	(65)
		Majority of conservatives don't not absolutely hate Mitt Romney, more than likely anyway. At least when push comes to shove, he's okay. Not a flesh eating virus or anything (gallup.com)	(74)
		Five people conservatives should blame if Mitt Romney wins (newyorker.com)	(50)

Mon January 09, 2012

	If you think the entire nation has nothing by goodwill for Gabrielle Giffords and her husband, you should read this interview. "Every time I see them on TV it makes me want to vomit" (azcentral.com)	(347)
	Mitt Romney's brand of "job creation" directly resulted in the folding of at least five companies and the loss of thousands of jobs. But that's okay, because Romney's venture capital made hundreds of millions on the deals (dailykos.com)	(160)
	Mitt Romney, the multimillionaire son of a multimillionaire : "I know what it's like to worry whether you're going to get fired" (rawstory.com)	(311)
	Mitt Romney never wanted to run for President, which is why he has been doing it for the last seven years (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(70)
(Some Guy)	In response to Georgia plan to drug-test welfare recipients, state lawmaker submits bill to require drug testing for state legislators. Hilarity ensues (onlineathens.com)	(509)

Sun January 08, 2012

(WTSP)	Speeding tickets increase after DOT puts bags over speed limit signs (wtsp.com)	(113)
	How is Mitt Romney like Clark Griswold? Well, let's just say we might be witnessing the beginning of Wallygate (huffingtonpost.com)	(145)
	Insane medical prediction of the day: raising the speed limit makes you fat (forbes.com)	(54)
	Hard to say really. I think these are either pictures of John McCain endorsing Mitt Romney or Mr. Potter plotting to murder George Bailey (media.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(38)
	HD video of Mount Etna vomiting gloriously (youtube.com)	(15)
	Australia's fondness of vegemite finally explained (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(74)

Sat January 07, 2012

		Automotive engineers have considerably improved the efficiency of car engines over the last 30 years, but almost all of those gains have been eaten up by making bigger and heavier cars. Minivan, pickup, and SUV drivers, we're looking at you (physorg.com)	(177)
		Fidel Castro begins writing column to prove he is alive. Submitter is Richard Nixon and I approve of this message (miamiherald.com)	(29)

Fri January 06, 2012

		Companies will no longer be allowed to "neither admit nor deny" civil charges when settling with the SEC if found guilty in a criminal case. So we've got that small bit of change going for us (nytimes.com)	(27)
		House Democrats flood in during a pro-forma session to demand that they start work. Inspired by their commitment to the country, the House Republicans agree and begin legislating. Just kidding, they cut off C-SPAN again (thinkprogress.org)	(141)
		"Hey y'all, Watch this." Redneck biologist Jacques Cousteau used dynamite to destroy reef for a fish census. Watch video for the explosion.... Stay for the fart noises as a dead cuttlefish deflates (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)	(51)
		Not news: photograph emerges of Mitt Romney in Vietnam demonstration. Do not pass news, proceed directly to Fark: in support of the Vietnam War (dailymail.co.uk)	(156)
		What's the best way to beat liberals? Imitate them (politico.com)	(143)
		Boston Globe passes over Mitt Romney and endorses Jon Huntsman. Awkward (bostonglobe.com)	(83)

Thu January 05, 2012

		Iowa caucus voter counter says Mitt Romney accidentally received 20 extra votes from his district. If that's true, there's going to be a lot of Santorum on GOP leaders' faces come tomorrow (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(99)
		Taser gnome proximity mines delayed until February (g4tv.com)	(14)
		Mitt Romney is a secret Democrat (wnd.com)	(112)
		Dammit, Apple, just buy all the TV channels. You'll still have enough left over for the Cleveland Browns (gizmodo.com)	(26)
		What's over 590 lbs, smells like fish and recently made almost $750,000 by selling its body in Japan? Besides submitter's mom (cbc.ca)	(73)
		Just like football fans all across America, Tom Brady admits that he enjoyed watching the NY Jets fall out of the playoffs (nydailynews.com)	(104)
		Police speculate vehicle may have been traveling over the posted speed limit of 30 miles per hour, planning a complete investigation once they get the car down from the house roof it ended up on (jalopnik.com)	(11)
		Vegemite changes its name to 'Australia', still tastes like a dead dingo's ass (news.com.au)	(16)
		Want to see a dash-cam video from a police cruiser? Then we'll sue you for asking, citizen. Bonus: Videos will only be released after statue of limitations expires for police misconduct (komonews.com)	(243)

Wed January 04, 2012

	Mitt Romney is so anti-gay rights that he will kill PBS to prevent Bert and Ernie from getting married. This link is brought to you by the number 2012 and the letter R (nydailynews.com)	(89)
(Some Guy)	If you drink and drive, throw away your bar tab receipt. And don't vomit on the breathalyzer (1027jackfm.com)	(12)
(Some Conspiracy Theorist)	NASA creates 3-D maps from Apollo landing soundstage photos (informationweek.com)	(26)

Tue January 03, 2012

		Mitt Romney: "Obama will make us a welfare state, he will poison the spirit of America, and he will keep us from being a Nation Under God. He's also the great divider and I'm an optimist" (washingtonpost.com)	(133)
(Some Guy)		GOP brain trust likes the idea of a Thune, Rubio, Rice for Mitt Romney's Vice President pick, or one Christie (usnews.com)	(32)

Mon January 02, 2012

		Bachmann admits to supporters that it will take "a miracle" to save her campaign. Apparently she figures that since God isn't busy with Tim Tebow anymore, maybe he's got some spare time (news.yahoo.com)	(23)
		How nasty is the 2012 election going to get? Well, it hasn't offically started yet, and Mitt Romey has already compared Barack Obama to Kim Kardashian (thedailybeast.com)	(56)
		Driver threatens lawsuit against 20 mph speed limit because her BMW can't go that slow (dailymail.co.uk)	(116)
		Sure, you've been drunk. But have you ever been "dislocated your jaw vomiting" drunk? (news.com.au)	(46)
		Atlanta Falcon Rowdy Roddy White admits he IS the father of a child whose mother is suing him for child support, even though Maury hasn't come back with the official test results yet (tmz.com)	(6)

Sun January 01, 2012

British government considers limiting subsidized housing to people making under $150,000 per year (bbc.co.uk)

(33)

Sat December 31, 2011

		Handsome President and all-around swell guy Mitt Romney calls Barack Obama "a footnote in history" (link updated) (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(144)
		AGNES, a suit developed by MIT, makes you feel like a lazy, malnourished 75 year-old. No word if it includes successful bowel movement celebration mode (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(28)
		Mitt Romney, on Pres. Obama: "He's in Hawaii right now. We're in the cold, in the rain, in the wind because we care about America." Because fark Hawaiians (slatest.slate.com)	(229)

Fri December 30, 2011

		If you fooled around over the last 3 years with a guy named David Dean Smith, you better have your HIV status checked pronto. Thousands of you (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(127)
		Mitt Romney's son is a birther, says Obama should release his birth certificate. Which he did. Over a year ago. Meanwhile, no one has seen Romney's tax returns (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(106)
		Neckbearded former QB for the Bears and Broncos sues over bad investments. DAMMIT ORTON (chicagotribune.com)	(22)
		The Republican candidates want limited government, right? Not so much (nytimes.com)	(63)
		Life imitates Fark headline (news.yahoo.com)	(17)

Thu December 29, 2011

	Turkey admits 35 civilian deaths. Well there was bound to be some retribution for the annual Christmas day massacre (bbc.co.uk)	(32)
(News 25)	Women arrested for submitting false injury claims in Indiana State Fair stage collapse. Go to hell, go directly to hell, do not pass Go, do not collect $7,500 (news25.us)	(50)
	Debra Messing and her new NBC co-star Will Chase have both bailed on their respective spouses. Coincidence? Nope. Smitten? Yep (bittenandbound.com)	(33)
	ProTip: When skydiving, trying to imitate species that have no parachute analogue, like swallows and dragonflies, is a good way to get yourself killed (mirror.co.uk)	(43)
	NASA's twin GRAIL probes closing in on moon orbit, just need to pass through the cave of Caerbannog (physorg.com)	(26)
	Banks submit proposals to be allowed to profit off the collapse of the housing market, presumably under the you break it, you bought it rule (huffingtonpost.com)	(13)

Wed December 28, 2011

		"We're not going to kill Big Bird, Big Bird's going to have advertisements" - Mitt Romney, business genius (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(126)
		The top ten political blunders of 2011, including Rick Perry choosing to debate, Mitch Daniels sitting the election out and whatever the hell Tim Pawlenty is (politico.com)	(46)

Tue December 27, 2011

		Company in Bethesda, Maryland offers employees unlimited* time off (washingtonpost.com)	(78)
		Built in a Pizza Hutt, controlled by network of PolyStations, powered by Borio cookies, China unveils new Beidou navigator (bbc.co.uk)	(23)
		Back in 2006 Gingrich was for Mitt Romney's healthcare plan in MA and supported the individual mandate. What do you call a flip flop that flip flops off another candidate's flip flop? (abcnews.go.com)	(79)
		Newt breaks his "positive campaigning only" vow by attacking Mitt "the Massachusetts Moderate," says Mitt wanted him to and it was totally amicable (cbsnews.com)	(56)
		Aunt Vivian from Fresh Prince of Bel Air says she will never be part of a reunion show with an asshole like Will Smith. And I'm sure he cries into his huge piles of money every night about that, honey (tmz.com)	(102)

Sun December 25, 2011

It's the annual Fark "What I'm Thankful For" thread. Or if you prefer, the annual Fark "Dammit, Christmas Sucks" thread. Your pick (fark.com)

(373)

Sat December 24, 2011

Admit it. You have lots of questions about Christianity, but none more burning than whether or not Jesus had an in-style hairdo (slate.com)

(108)

Fri December 23, 2011

		Paul Krugman: "Mitt Romney believes only corporations and the wealthy should have any rights in America and wants to return America to feudalism" (nytimes.com)	(169)
		Shaq in talks to appear at Wrestlemania 28. IT'S SHAQUILLE TO ME, DAMMIT (sportsgrid.com)	(63)

Thu December 22, 2011

		Old and busted: Unlimited data* New Hotness: In stock, guaranteed by Christmas* (usatoday.com)	(82)
		TSA saves us from the limitless depravity of a cupcake-wielding terrorist. Our freedom is safe once again (boingboing.net)	(159)
		Showing his masterful grasp of American political history, Newt Gingrich challenges Mitt Romney to a Lincoln-Douglas style debate. Tiebreakers to include ba'ar wrasslin', rail spilttin' and axe throwin' (cbsnews.com)	(95)
		A Girl Scouts troop's decision to admit a 7-year-old transgender child this fall has prompted three leaders to resign and dissolve their troops. Guess they'll all forfeit their tolerance badges (huffingtonpost.com)	(560)

Wed December 21, 2011

	Zombie Prodigy.net email accounts can awake from the dead to vomit spam all over the internet (startribune.com)	(13)
	Allowing children to wear "Jordan's Bar Mitzvah" shirt offends classmates who were not invited to Jordan's Bar Mitzvah (wickedlocal.com)	(228)
	Facebook brings back ads in the news feed, so now you have two reasons to think of Pizza Hut when you're looking at pictures of your friends vomiting (theglobeandmail.com)	(19)
	Senator Coburn presents his Golden Fle-- I mean, Wastebook awards (bostonherald.com)	(21)
(Some Guy)	For the record, Schoolhouse Rocks' "I'm Just A Bill" does not anywhere mention House-Senate conference committees or what happens if the House and Senate disagree on a bill (mcclatchydc.com)	(102)

Tue December 20, 2011

		Joe Biden makes the "jaw dropping" gaffe of providing a nuanced, factually true answer on the Afghan war that sounds a little wierd to those with a limited grasp of basic geopoltical facts (news.yahoo.com)	(202)
		Penthouse sells for $157m. Price attributed to limited number available and fact that pages were not stuck together (bloomberg.com)	(18)
		Hugh Hefner had mixed thoughts about putting Lindsay Lohan on the cover of Playboy. Specifically, he was torn between vomiting and dry-heaving (celebitchy.com)	(44)

Mon December 19, 2011

(wmal.com)		Newt Gingrich can't seem to get enough signatures to have his name on the Virginia ballot while Mitt Romney shows off video from his smartphone of alllllll his signatures. Bonus: filmed in Mitt Romney's kitchen (wmal.com)	(67)
(Some Guy)		This is why SOPA will probably get voted for by the Judiciary Committee. Enjoy (opensecrets.org)	(143)

Sun December 18, 2011

(Penn.edu)

Social programs fail because they're not social programs: they're bureaucracy-perpetuation programs. Subby would explain more, but you didn't fill out essential subform 26(r)[7]{d} or submit your credentials in septuplicate (upenn.edu)

(202)

Sat December 17, 2011

		Former Ark./USC QB Mitch Mustain's Mom to meet with the Commandant of the Marine Corps to determine if her son's "no-huddle spread offense" is a good fit for the Marines' "Locate, Close With, and Destroy" offense (usatoday.com)	(20)
		Should I have submitted this with a Futurama reference in the headline? Now I'll never know. And it will haunt me for the rest of my life. MY MANWICH (sciencedaily.com)	(32)

Fri December 16, 2011

		At last night's debate, Mitt Romney's biggest challenge was proving he wasn't flip-flopping. He was successful at first, then he managed to prove his critics right, then wrong again, and then right again (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(67)
		Driver going 25 over limit, playing with computer, and not wearing seat belt crashes into tree. In other news, there's a job opening in the Delray Beach police department (sun-sentinel.com)	(88)
		I had a horrifying dream that middle-aged people who could not distinguish between a domain name and an IP address were trying to regulate the Internet. Then I woke up and the Judiciary Committee's SOPA hearings were on (washingtonpost.com)	(378)
		The world's oldest stockbroker still trading at age 105, fondly remembers his first job with Smith Barney Rubble (cbsnews.com)	(27)

Thu December 15, 2011

(Some Guy)	Not news: A former administrative assistant for the Maine Trial Lawyers Association admitted in court this morning to embezzling $166,000. FARK: Most of the money was used to purchase sheep and thugs (kjonline.com)	(29)
	Chinese haxxors are stealing petabytes worth of proprietary data from foreign countries and corporations. In other news, the US just passed legislation to put you in jail for stealing photoshop (mobile.bloomberg.com)	(56)
	China's new aircraft carrier goes to sea. But don't worry its just for 'research' purposes, like researching on how to take on a Nimitz Class (dailymail.co.uk)	(218)

Wed December 14, 2011

	Rahm Emanuel wants to raise fines for resisting arrest, just in time for the G8 summit and the inevitable protests. That is some smart thinking, Rahm (chicagotribune.com)	(62)
(Norwich Bulletin)	Man argues that lawyers should be permitted to f*ck their clients outside the courtroom as well (norwichbulletin.com)	(67)
	'Government shutdown 2 - shutdown harder'. Starring Harry Reid and Mitch "Turtle" McConnell (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(120)
(Some Guy)	Mitt Romey's campaign slogan "Keep America American" also happens to be the slogan of the Ku Klux Klan. I'm sure it's just a coincidence (americablog.com)	(153)

Tue December 13, 2011

	Kentucky educator complains biology test omits creation theory -- proving that the term 'educator' carries a broad definition in Kentucky (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(464)
(Some Out of Work Tour Guide)	So you want to operate a mule drawn carriage and make up stories about The French Quarter? We'll just need you to pass a history test, submit to a criminal background check and pee into this little cup please (wwltv.com)	(39)
(Bill Gross)	MIT has made a camera that captures 1 trillion frames per second. You can capture the movement of light across a room. That, or the hi-def cat video to end all cat videos (chime.in)	(73)

Mon December 12, 2011

Sun December 11, 2011

The real winner over MItt Romney's $10,000 bet with Rick Perry? The Democratic party (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)

(211)

Sat December 10, 2011

The NFL's still real to me, dammit (deadspin.com)

(81)

Fri December 09, 2011

		Mitch McConnell says "one man, one vote" a "genuine threat to our country", "absurd and dangerous" (thinkprogress.org)	(269)
		New poll says Iowans are jazzed over Newt Gingrich, be-bopped over Ron Paul, waltzed over Mitt Romney, and yakkity saxed over Michelle Bachmann (caucuses.desmoinesregister.com)	(121)
		GoldenPalace.com deemed pictures of heavily pregnant Anna Nicole Smith wearing only a thin layer of gold paint too unremarkable to publish, so you're seeing them now for the first time. Now _that's_ remarkable. Not safe for work (dailymail.co.uk)	(39)
		Being caught driving while 4 times over the limit isn't a good thing, but heck at 90 years old you gotta be proud of her stamina (abc.net.au)	(38)

Thu December 08, 2011

	How Mitt Romney did exactly what Democrats wanted him to do by attacking Newt (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(55)
(RTV6)	Colts owner Jim Irsay sees no reason to string along Indianapolis fans any longer, admits Manning probably won't play in 2011 (theindychannel.com)	(103)
(Some Mitten State resident)	Michigan and Wisconsin fight over which state looks more like a mitten. Seriously (wtsp.com)	(132)
	With Kermit on the run and Gonzo being held in a secret location for his own safety, the lamestream drive-by mainstream LSDBMSM media have circled their wagons around the remaining Muppets for the endgame battle against the right wing blogodome (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(81)
	Remember the STOCK Act, which would ban insider trading by members of Congress? A House committee "postponed indefinitely" a vote on it after senior Republican leadership told the chairman to knock it off (politico.com)	(56)
	Fox News columnists discuss why Mitt Romney is like Jan Brady. And no, it's not because you used to touch yourself while thinking about him and Marcia (foxnews.com)	(31)
	Air Force admits that they buried far more ashes of U.S. servicemen in a landfill than previously acknowledged. Oops, sorry families, their bad again (washingtonpost.com)	(72)

Wed December 07, 2011

	Protip: When submitting a bigoted political campaign video to Youtube, remember to disable like/dislike ratings for the video (youtube.com)	(432)
(Some non-Auditing Guy)	Mitch Daniels is such a great leader that he just found $288 million dollars (that's been accumulating for four years in an account that they couldn't find before now) (courierpress.com)	(68)
	Mitt Romney: "I'll name my cabinet before I'm elected". US Federal Law: "If you do, you'll be fined or imprisoned" (content.usatoday.com)	(119)
	Newt Gingrich takes credit for Mitt Romney getting rich after rigging the economy for the wealthy under Reagan (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(39)
(Some Manatee)	Family Guy writer's account of being arrested at Occupy LA. The Manatees submitted this with a funnier headline (myoccupylaarrest.blogspot.com)	(478)
	Chris Christie heads to Iowa to put some weight behind Mitt Romney's campaign (nj.com)	(37)
	GOP break 2005 truce and filibuster Obama's nominee for the DC Court of Appeals. Why? According to the Senior GOP senator on the Judiciary Committee Not because there is anything wrong with her, but just for "payback" (npr.org)	(179)

Tue December 06, 2011

		Ron Paul's new ad goes negative on GOP frontrunner Newt Gingrich. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney is reportedly "seriously considering" going milquetoast (politico.com)	(105)
		Mitch McConnell: No raising taxes on small business to cut payroll taxes. Sen. Snowe: Here's a plan that exempts small business owners. McConnell: Still no (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(55)
		A decidedly sexy looking Scarlett Johansson covers the January issue of Cosmo and admits marrying Ryan Reynolds was the best decision she ever made ... but discovered that she wasn't into the work of keeping it going (bittenandbound.com)	(112)

Mon December 05, 2011

		Dan Quayle endorses Mitt Romneye (washingtonpost.com)	(69)
		Silly Americans, Marmite is meant to be spread thinly on buttered toast, not shellacked on dry bread (npr.org)	(165)
		Nancy Pelosi is downright giddy that Newt is surging in the polls. Why? Well, she served on the ethics committee that investigated a younger, more attractive Newt back in the day and has "a thousand pages" of dirt on him (slatest.slate.com)	(264)
		Ron Santo finally voted into Cooperstown by the Veterans Committee. It's heel clicking time at Sheffield and Addison (washingtonpost.com)	(123)
		Suddenly it hit me: People who smack their children are afraid to admit it because it has become socially unacceptable (news.com.au)	(291)
		Mother Palin needs to scoop up Mitt Romney, ruffle his perfectly coiffed hair, hold him to her bosom, and explain to the Tea Party faithful that it's OK to vote for a Northeast Liberal elitist that believes in some scary moon God (nydailynews.com)	(124)
		Let's see: Commit a bunch of stupid penalties? Check. Throw a couple of key interceptions? Yep. Commit dumb mental mistakes not worthy of junior varsity? Of course. Welcome back Detroit Lions (detnews.com)	(44)
		Noted political scientist Alec Baldwin says he likes the cut of Mitt Romney's jib (nypost.com)	(70)

Sat December 03, 2011

		Why Republicans hate Mitt Romney. (Hint: it's not the hair) (salon.com)	(63)
		American Airlines CEO retires without golden parachute following company's bankruptcy, citing concepts like "commitment" and "character" (nytimes.com)	(68)

Fri December 02, 2011

	Bill O'Reilly says that Mitt Romney is not as conservative as Newt Gingrich. You can't explain that (mediaite.com)	(107)
	Mitt Romney on new jobless numbers: "Obama will have a hard time putting perfume on this pig." In related news, Sarah Palin considers filing copyright infringement suit against Mitt Romney (mediaite.com)	(172)
(Some server monkey)	Good news overworked, sleep-deprived IT workers Kay Hagan submitted a bill making it so you can't get overtime pay, thinks that money would be better spent on hookers and blow for the MBAs (standalone-sysadmin.com)	(383)
	Mitt Romney calls Newt Gingrich a 'life-long politician'. In other news, Romney continues to be a lifelong presidential candidate (content.usatoday.com)	(13)
	If same-sex marriage is permitted, Bachmann's Iowa co-chair warns, next people will want to marry inanimate objects, such as the Eiffel tower. Personally, I'm more of an Arc de Triomphe guy (thinkprogress.org)	(180)
	Jon Stewart reveals that Mitt Romney also has a mistress: Mitt Romney (gawker.com)	(17)
	Free speech has a three hour time limit in Texas. Dang, I know Texans that can talk about their pickup trucks for nine hours (occupyamerica.crooksandliars.com)	(34)
	"And the car dealer says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but just before you die, you will be given a two-second warning.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice" (dailymail.co.uk)	(9)

Thu December 01, 2011

	A One Percenter's adorable "godammit" reaction when the guy behind the camera instantly refutes his O'Reilly-esque rhetoric (blog.trutv.com)	(54)
(Jezebel)	The secret daughter of Loretta Young and Clark Gable has passed away. In honor of Judy Lewis this submitter will not be revealed for 31 years (jezebel.com)	(29)
	At least until the next scandal breaks it's looking more and more like The Gingrich Who Stole Mittmas (miamiherald.com)	(45)
(WBALTV)	OWS: We'd like to renew our permit in order to stay here until April, 2012. City: #DENIED (wbaltv.com)	(85)
	Facebook increases status update character limit to the average rant in a religion thread (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(17)
	Mitt Romney was a real people person back in 1994. No word on he changed his stance on that too (gawker.com)	(11)
	The psychology of nakedness. -Submitted naked (wired.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)	"Blakeney had previously admitted causing criminal damaging to an inflatable duck costume " Bonus: prosecutors name (birminghammail.net)	(26)
	Carlos Mencia is attempting a comeback. You submitted this headline two years ago and it was way funnier then (slate.com)	(53)

Wed November 30, 2011

	Bloomberg's delusions of grandeur are taking their toll "I have my own army in the NYPD, which is the seventh biggest army in the world," (rawstory.com)	(185)
	Were Mitt Romney to shake a Magic 8-Ball, it would say "Outlook not good" (talkingpointsmemo.com)	(127)
(Some Guy)	Billy Graham admitted to hospital, said to be resting crustily (abclocal.go.com)	(224)
	Scenes from Scotland from the end of the World. I've seen this movie, Rhona Mitra is super hot (io9.com)	(18)
	Smithsonian Museum of African American History acquires KKK robes, but has not said where they'll hang (myfoxdc.com)	(53)

Tue November 29, 2011

		Study finds that 75% of oysters from the UK infected with "winter vomiting virus". Good thing nobody would ever think of eating a raw oyster (bbc.co.uk)	(80)
		Yesterday's Democratic ads against Mitt Romney may have given us a preview of the 2012 elections (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(41)
		If you want to stop cars from speeding down your street, should you A: Install speed bumps? B: Erect speed limit signs? or C: Throw bricks through car's windows as they drive by? (tampabay.com)	(87)
		Marmite: Love it or hate it... or be inconvenienced by its life-threatening tendencies (guardian.co.uk)	(33)
		With Barney Frank leaving, the Democrats are going to turn the bat shiat crazy on the top Democrat on the House Financial Services Committee up to 11 (thehill.com)	(79)

Mon November 28, 2011

		Five things you may not know about Mitt Romney. In two words: secret liberal (npr.org)	(65)
		MItt Romney's idea of a four-letter curse word: "H-E-double hockey sticks." Well, okely-dokely then, neighbor (tnr.com)	(111)
		Former Tennessee women's BB coach Pat Summitt stays strong while battling Alzheimers. Also stays strong while battling Alzheimers (nydailynews.com)	(23)
		Mitt Romney was for amnesty for illegals after Reagan was for amnesty for illegals but he's against amnesty for illegals after Newt is for amnesty for illegals. Got all that? Good (businessweek.com)	(79)

Sun November 27, 2011

		Syracuse University institutes radical new "Two Molestation Charge Limit" system (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(33)
		Mitt Romney: "I'm not trying to put money in people's pockets." At least he's honest (thinkprogress.org)	(84)

Sat November 26, 2011

(Total Pro Sports)	10 iconic professional sports families. Yes, the McMahons are here because IT'S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT (totalprosports.com)	(66)
	Kermit and Miss Piggy: good genes or good docs? YOU make the call (tmz.com)	(30)
	Anna Nicole Smith's daughter looks just like her. The resemblance is remarkable (dailymail.co.uk)	(86)

Fri November 25, 2011

		Sprint: We are the ONLY carrier to give you unlimited data. Until we upgrade our network. Then you're farked (reuters.com)	(42)
		Mitt Romney: "The only Republican who is currently showing a tie or occasionally a victory relative to the president is me." Jon Huntsman: "I'm standing right here, Mitt" (hotair.com)	(64)
		Finally, the secret is uncovered at last: Mitt Romney's hairstylist says that despite never losing its shape, he uses "no product" on Romney's hair. "It's natural" (nytimes.com)	(82)

Wed November 23, 2011

		New batch of hacked climate scientist e-mails released on eve of climate summit. Thus, Al Gore is wrong and it will snow tomorrow (guardian.co.uk)	(213)
		At the debate last night, Michele Bachmann either made up a bunch of shiat about Pakistan nuke sites being attacked by terrorists, or she just eloquently showed why she can't be trusted on the House Intelligence Committee (gawker.com)	(150)
		Man commits suicide twice in one day (nypost.com)	(105)

Tue November 22, 2011

		John Huntsman once more commits heresy; will be burned at the stake during the Republican convention (cnn.com)	(85)
		Jonah Hill abandons hosting duties for WWE Monday Night Raw. IT'S HILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT (starpulse.com)	(34)
		GOP pushed to privatize Medicare during super committee negotiations (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(77)
		No, even with diplomatic immunity you still shouldn't drive with a blood alcohol ratio 15 times the legal limit (theregister.co.uk)	(18)
		CNN Anchor rips John Kerry a new one over the Super Committee's incompetence...yeah, just kidding, she said he sounded "very sexy" (newsbusters.org)	(55)
		In between the romantic bike rides, beef jerky pow wows, cupcake sessions and football parties, the super committee actually made some headway towards a deal (reuters.com)	(89)

Mon November 21, 2011

	Mitt Romney was a complete tool and buzzkill as a teenager, too (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(41)
	Newt Gingrich is now ahead of Mitt Romney in the GOP presidential nomination race, according to new poll (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(220)
(Political Wire)	Mitt Romney admits deleting records so they wouldn't be used against him later. When asked why he'd delete records if he did nothing wrong, Mitt offered everybody jello and Sprite (politicalwire.com)	(46)
(TED)	The Bad Astronomer talks about killer asteroids, and how to defend against them. Aerosmith, Bruce Willis on standby (ted.com)	(33)

Sun November 20, 2011

The good news: the members of the so-called "super-committee" are finally talking with each other. The bad news: they're talking about how to spin their failure (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)

(194)

Sat November 19, 2011

		Mitt Romney to take time off to watch the other Republican candidates trip over themselves. This is your Des Moines GOP debate thread (5PM EDT) (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(179)
		Think the zombie apocalypse is as bad as things can get? Any second now the global coffee supply is going run out. Submitter will be in his bunker brewing hoarded espresso (forbes.com)	(133)
		The five worst movie songs. Yeah, the sinking boat song is there, the sappy Aerosmith tune, the Nickelback/Spiderman thing and... hey, wait a minute, who put Evanescence on the list? (slate.com)	(86)

Fri November 18, 2011

		Democrats taunt the latest GOP supercommittee offer a second time, accuse them of smelling like elderberries (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(109)
		Next to Fark headline submitters, galaxies are the ultimate recyclers (sciencedaily.com)	(6)
		George W. Bush unknowingly gave Democrats a weapon to use against the Congressional Supercommittee (salon.com)	(85)
		Classic cool: Carlos' and Smith's Black Power salute on the Olympic podium in 1968. Forgotten cool: Aussie silver medalist Peter Norman proudly wearing a human rights badge in solidarity with their protest (life.com)	(27)

Thu November 17, 2011

		Wait, what was I going to submit? Fark it, probably wasn't important (iheartchaos.com)	(16)
		Obama mistakenly refers to Hawaii as 'Asia' during summit. Leads instantly to slightly higher approval ratings amongst Republican voters (foxnews.com)	(106)
		Mitt Romney's staff erased state issued hard drives when he left Massachusetts. Somehow, this is Obama's fault (boston.com)	(36)

Tue November 15, 2011

		The latest threat to Mitt Romney? Newt Gingrich. At least, this week. Next week it'll be Bill Paxton or something (talkingpointsmemo.com)	(162)
(Some Guy)		Virginia man is determined not to be browbeaten into copping to sexual assault charges, insisting the whole story is cockeyemamie. (w/ pic that demands admittance into the Fark mugshot pantheon) (wtvr.com)	(54)

Mon November 14, 2011

	"Glee" star Lauren Potter is down with President Obama's Committee for People With Intellectual Disabilities (starpulse.com)	(65)
(Some Guy)	The Congressional super-committee finds a way to save $1.2 trillion dollars in the current budget. By adding it to the deficit (news.investors.com)	(62)
	How to get unlimited gold in Skyrim. Get it before it's patched (iheartchaos.com)	(604)
	19 true things Generals can't publicly admit about the war in Afghanistan. Scary tag just got blown up by an IED so Obvious tag is forced to stand in (ricks.foreignpolicy.com)	(158)
	ESPN's Week 10 QBR Leaderboard. Two completions is good enough for 6th, ahead of Matt Ryan, Matt Hasselbeck, Ben Roethlisberger, and Alex Smith (espn.go.com)	(214)
	Would you all mind quieting down a bit? The birds ARE TRYING TO HAVE SEX DAMMIT (io9.com)	(6)

Sun November 13, 2011

		Modification to stimulated emission depletion imaging could shrink CPUs beyond current limits. That's a STED in the right direction (arstechnica.com)	(18)
		Favorable market for lamb has farmers flocking to sheep. Ewe submitted this with a better headline (indystar.com)	(18)
		Top-ten list of most hated airports omits 825 others that are tied for 11th (cnngo.com)	(70)
		Google Street View no longer limited to streets. Want to go to the zoo? (usatoday.com)	(20)

Sat November 12, 2011

		Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute... did Mitt Romney just meta-flip-flop? BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM (tnr.com)	(128)
		Will Herman Cain accept a VP slot if Mitt Romney wins the Republican nomination? Nein nein nein (townhall.com)	(129)

Fri November 11, 2011

	On Veteran's Day, non-veteran multimillionaire Mitt Romney suggests vets might like a voucher system for their benefits (rawstory.com)	(160)
(Some Guy)	Will The Wall be able to tear down Davey Boy Smith? Will Randy Savage versus Eddie Guerrero steal the show? Will That 70s Guy Mike Awesome versus Bobby Duncum not suck? This is your WCW Thunder thread (wwe.com)	(211)
	Anchor Steam vs. Sam Adams over trade secrets. If only they could settle this out of court with some kind of summit (huffingtonpost.com)	(171)
	Super-committee Dems to GOP: We'll see your $1 trillion in debt reduction and raise you another trillion-but, you'll have to raise taxes a little. Your move (news.yahoo.com)	(212)
(Futurity)	"We are talking about a highly ambitious goal leading to a fundamental breakthrough that will, ultimately, allow us to rapidly prototype, implement, and deploy living entities that are completely new and do not appear in nature" (futurity.org)	(47)

Thu November 10, 2011

(Some Guy)	Will Philip Rivers shiat the bed three weeks in a row? Will Carson Palmer commit a felony on the way to the game to show he's a real Raider? Your Thursday Night Football thread is here (nfl.si.com)	(lots)
	Sun will align with MIT's Infinite Corridor on 11/11/11 at 4:20 pm. I wonder what students will do to mark the occasion? (boston.com)	(51)
	How badly does the base of the GOP hate Mitt? After last night's debate all but clinched Romney's path to the nomination, they're already openly fantasizing about a brokered convention or a floor fight to draft Palin (news.yahoo.com)	(266)
(Some Guy)	Man who submitted online petition to stop Nickelback from playing at a Detroit Lions game is shocked when it received 50,177 signatures in a matter of days (annarbor.com)	(104)
	Democrats and Republicans each deny blame for the failing super committee. Just blame it on Obama, everybody else does (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(201)

Wed November 09, 2011

		NASA develops super-black material, can't make up their minds if they want to name it Dolemite or Shaft (sciencedaily.com)	(137)
		Turtles that look like Mitch McConnell (dailycaller.com)	(37)

Tue November 08, 2011

		You'll need to submit an Environmental Impact Study before you can repair that streetlight. We're the Federal Government and we're here to help (nola.com)	(47)
		Super committee heading to failure. Well isn't that just super (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(59)
		Mitt Romney's financial plan for Detroit: "Let it go bankrupt" (politico.com)	(96)

Mon November 07, 2011

(YNet news)	Obama and French president Sarkozy engage in a little bonding at the G20 Summit. Fark: Over how much they both hate Israeli president Netanyahu (ynetnews.com)	(181)
(Some Guy)	If taking your electric scooter on a joyride in the park after hours with a BAC three times the legal limit is wrong, then I don't want to be right (tribune-democrat.com)	(8)
	"Our Legislature is dysfunctional, the best way to improve it is to remove term limits on the dysfunctional legislators" (stltoday.com)	(113)
	Gromit, this is the wrong country (bbc.co.uk)	(33)
	Florida man whose girlfriend announced her intention to break up with him does the logical thing: tries to commit suicide with Flintstone's vitamins (thesmokinggun.com)	(62)

Sun November 06, 2011

		Women forced to 'dumb down' to find a man to marry. You submitted this with a stupider headline (dailymail.co.uk)	(556)
		Admit it. If you ever watched Night Court, it was because of episodes like this. The first appearance of Bob & June Wheeler (youtube.com)	(143)

Fri November 04, 2011

		When surveyed, 10% of respondents admit when changing between Standard Time and Daylight Savings Time, they turn clocks the wrong way (myfoxny.com)	(108)
		Speaker Boehner (Marxist-OH) signals willingness to consider tax hikes if the Super Committee puts them forward while "reforming" Social Security and Medicare (sfgate.com)	(106)

Thu November 03, 2011

	Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here with an article about how the Muppets were saved, YAAAAAAAAAAAAY (popwatch.ew.com)	(63)
	Dammit Tebow, stop being such a good sport (espn.go.com)	(216)
(Some Guy)	Pharmacies report shortage of Adderall. You submitted this with a better-HEY LOOK A BUNNY (wtkr.com)	(102)
	Pop quiz: If a photo on Facebook shows 12 hunters posing with 64 blue-winged teal ducks, but the limit is four teal ducks per hunter, how many days in jail are they looking at? (nola.com)	(96)
	Man leads Canadian cops in five-hour pursuit where "neither the truck driver nor police broke highway speed limits" (cbc.ca)	(33)

Wed November 02, 2011

	Tea Party freshmen are worried that Super Committee won't do what they want. Welcome to Washington, kids (washingtonpost.com)	(57)
(azfamily.com)	You know you've got a true friend if he's willing to commit robbery to pay for your bail (azfamily.com)	(10)
(Some Bubba)	Autopsy reveals that NFL legend and "Police Academy" star Bubba Smith died from drug intoxication. Co-star Michael Winslow makes a sad slide whistle noise (digitalspy.com)	(11)
	When you're a federal police officer and your suspects are seconds from escaping in an airplane, maybe it's time to admit defeat. Unless you're Brazilian. Then you just ram the airplane (youtube.com)	(46)

Tue November 01, 2011

(Billings Gazette)	Today's fully Fark-compliant headline: "Man admits switchblade assault in squirrel dispute" (billingsgazette.com)	(28)
	Mitt Romney closely linked to Social Security-like scheme (crooksandliars.com)	(61)
	Butt could face seven years in PMITA prison after being found guilty of ensuring the delivery of three intentional no-balls (washingtonpost.com)	(12)
(Some Guy)	Who wouldn't forget about five sticks of dynamite they stored in the trunk of an abandoned car in their backyard? (wtkr.com)	(14)
(Times Union)	Don't taunt dynamite roid rager (timesunion.com)	(59)

Mon October 31, 2011

		Herman Cain admits sexual harassment allegations, saying, "Yep, I totally did that. Brother, you should have seen her. Legs all the way up to here. I mean... DAMN." Just kidding, he calls them "baseless" (thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com)	(224)
		Cain's smoking ad campaign manager, who was previously busted for multiple campaign violations in Wisconsin, may have committed campaign violations in Wisconsin (jsonline.com)	(151)

Sat October 29, 2011

(NME)		JK Rowling admits she wanted to do what we all wanted her to do (nme.com)	(82)
		Now that Gadhaffi is gone, freedom is spreading across the whole of Libya. Um, except for Benghazi, where Al-Qaeda has been taking over. Oh god dammit you guys, you just ruin everything don't you? (iheartchaos.com)	(87)

Fri October 28, 2011

		Feds say emails prove the redistricting maps signed by Texas Gov Rick Perry had the effect and intent of limiting the voting power of Hispanic voters. So much for Juan man, Juan vote (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(156)
		Just before peeling out of the WaPo parking lot in his IROC-Z while blasting his Maiden/Priest mix tape, George Will says Mitt Romney is an elitist what thinks he's better than you who wants to take away your smokes and truck nutz (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(78)
		The next time you read a prediction by so-called "political experts," remember that back in May, George Will said it was certain that either Tim Pawlenty or Mitch Daniels would win the Republican nomination (fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com)	(57)
		Fox wants two Independence Day sequels, with or without Will Smith. What on Earf are they thinking about? (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(82)
		Virginia GOP admits she had lesbian affair with minor; "Liberals and weed made me do it" (dailymail.co.uk)	(238)
		Sprint CEO explains that having tons of users switch to the new iPhone actually makes it easier to offer unlimited data plans. No, really (forbes.com)	(88)

Thu October 27, 2011

A point of contention at The Clan of the Barbarian as to whether or not they were the first permitted sadomasochism club in the state, is offset by becoming the fist sadomasochism club in the state to be stripped of its permit by the city (stltoday.com)

(36)

Wed October 26, 2011

(Some Guy)	Listen to the track-by-track cover of U2's 'Achtung Baby' featuring Nine Inch Nails, The Killers, Jack White, Patti Smith, Depeche Mode and more (slicingupeyeballs.com)	(117)
(Asahi)	Hackers finally look at non-US defense contractors, stealing plans for fighter planes, tentacle beasts and nuclear plants from Mitsubishi (ajw.asahi.com)	(19)
	If you are hot for chicks who smell like marmite, beer and pickles, then this is great news (dailymail.co.uk)	(64)
(Some Guy)	Strawberries reduce stomach lining damage from boozing, medication and ulcers. Merck and GlaxoSmithKline start bidding war for Smucker's (medicalxpress.com)	(76)

Tue October 25, 2011

(MassLive)	"Okay, I admit to worshipping Satan, assaulting a teenager and drinking her blood, and making my forehead look Klingon, but dammit, I did NOT name myself after a Twilight character"" (masslive.com)	(111)
	Learning how to use a new gun can be hazardous, especially if you accidentally discharge it through your floor, rupturing a gas line that blows your house to smithereens hours later (helenair.com)	(88)
	Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is living on the edge... only to slip off and smash his face in the shower (tmz.com)	(36)
	Conservatives figuring out that Mitt Romney's only policy position is in opposition to taking policy positions on tough issues (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(146)
	Science proves getting silicone injected directly into your body is a bad idea. Adamantium test results not yet submitted (io9.com)	(16)
	Mitt, the mere fact that you call making love "pop pop" tells me you're not ready (youtube.com)	(22)
	Dammit, Pronger (tsn.ca)	(127)
	Noted commie economist Adam Smith had a thing or two to say about the 1% (dailykos.com)	(333)

Mon October 24, 2011

	Why you need to watch Parks and Recreation, including, but not limited to, Ron farking Swanson (denofgeek.com)	(173)
(Some Edditor)	The Top 10 consistency errors in writing: ten often committed Errors including inconsistently-applied phrase-hypenation; capitalization of words, punctuation; • tables and *bulleted lists, entries with periods. And some without (intelligentediting.com)	(75)
	Right Now there are over 5,000 people submitting to Fark. Right Now Drew is crying into his beer somewhere. Right Now, an Admin is frantically redlighting links. Right Now, Oracle is purchasing RightNow (marketwatch.com)	(12)
	Point/Counterpoint: "The flat tax is a tax cut for fat cats" says 1996 Mitt Romney. "I disagree, I love the flat tax" said 2011 Mitt Romney in response (nytimes.com)	(137)

Sun October 23, 2011

	"Stranger passed out, vomited in woman's apartment" Or, as they call it in Gainesville: Saturday night (sun-sentinel.com)	(12)
	Summit Entertainment reacts to Milla Jovovich's biatching: "She doesn't know what she's talking about and we don't know where she's coming from" (deadline.com)	(89)
(Some Crab)	Tiny sweaters for penguins? Here's one better: 3-D printed seashells for hermit crabs. Crabs (shareable.net)	(71)

Sat October 22, 2011

(Some Penis)

Feminist group proposes a 24 ban on being sexist biatches, openly admits the list of things to not be sexist about is "impossible" (marshallparthenon.com)

(667)

Fri October 21, 2011

		US Senate comity hits rock bottom. In other news, Senate comedy at all time high (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(35)
		In which Rachel Maddow explains lady parts to Mitt Romney (maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com)	(147)
		City grants all two protestors of Occupy Des Moines extended occupation permit, presumably in a bid to raise the population (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)	(16)

Thu October 20, 2011

	Former DC tax examiner admits to examining $400,000 a little too closely (washingtonpost.com)	(13)
	GOP goes to plaid, accuses Democratic Rep of being antisemitic. He's Jewish, of course (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(124)
	Seriously, Uncharted is Indiana Jones. Can't we all just admit it? (g4tv.com)	(49)
(Some Guy)	Mitt Romney: Sekrit Messican (610wiod.com)	(48)
	Sheriff learns that Twitter's 140-character limit just isn't e (networkworld.com)	(20)
	Mitt Romney's attack ad against Rick Perry has been pulled from YouTube, networks. Rick Perry's own tin-foil brigade is crying conspiracy (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(44)
	Having a wife AND a mistress was a challenge, admits politician whose wife stole a kitten from his mistress. And if you see the pics, you'll understand why (dailymail.co.uk)	(132)
	Well, it's one month before their Thanksgiving deadline, and so far the debt Supercommittee has accomplished...absolutely nothing (washingtonpost.com)	(65)
(Some Guy)	Rex Ryan says he'd have a few Super Bowl rings if he coached the Chargers, inadvertently admits his team is inferior and oh...FEET (nfl.com)	(100)
	What do Bill Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, Al Sharpton and Gary Bauer all have in common? They still have open presidential committees that owe money to creditors (politico.com)	(18)

Wed October 19, 2011

Mon October 17, 2011

		Jon Lester admits beer drinking is wrong. I don't want to be right (boston.com)	(25)
		Marine Sgt. Shamar Thomas addresses and undresses the NYPD, commits major win (youtube.com)	(71)

Sun October 16, 2011

		Lions suffer first loss of the season. Subby has been submitting this link every week as a force of habit (sports.espn.go.com)	(101)
		Released after 26 years for a murder he did not commit, man turns to life of violence (bbc.co.uk)	(26)

Sat October 15, 2011

(Park Record)

Don't like the speed limit? Order some signs and post your own (parkrecord.com)

(80)

Fri October 14, 2011

	Check your lottery tickets - Fox & Friends actually sort of admitted they said something about the President that wasn't true (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(69)
	"In one scene he summons the spirit of wisdom...by pouring a bottle of Stolichniya into a mystic cauldron to summon Darth Vader, who uses the flaming heart of democracy to turn the Russian Bear Spirit into Dmitri Medvedev" (cracked.com)	(30)
	GOP Foreign Policy's Greatest Hits, including catchy tunes like "No-Fly Zone Over Libya/Poor, Poor Ghaddafi" by Gingrich, and "China's Laserbeams on Our Satellites" by Bachmann. ORDER NOW SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED (theatlantic.com)	(49)
(The Bay Citizen)	San Francisco shuts down preschool bake sale because it didn't have a permit. Next target: lemonade stand scofflaws (baycitizen.org)	(62)
(Some Guy)	Einstein to CERN: BOOYA BIATCHES (tech.mit.edu)	(66)

Thu October 13, 2011

(Some Overzealous Law)	Get your wisecracks on about TSA now guys, because soon cracking such jokes may land you in PMITA prison (pointoflaw.com)	(81)
	Drunk driving cop discovers limit of professional courtesy when witnesses see him have his blood-soaked girlfriend switch seats to take blame for crash (telegram.com)	(86)
	Submitter doesn't know what "Coronation Street" is or who "Helen Flanagan" is, but suddenly wants DIRTY PILLOWS DIRTY PILLOW DIRTY PILLOWS (dailymail.co.uk)	(59)
	Republicans shouldn't nominate Mitt Romney because he believes in a bunch of kooky things about the afterlife (wnd.com)	(183)

Wed October 12, 2011

(Some Guy)		Energy summit interruptus: 'oil orgy'. Bonus: with video (dc101.com)	(33)
		Mitt Romney proposes "partnership agreements" for gay couples who happen to be emotionless cyborgs (politics.salon.com)	(65)

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