Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		One hundred and thirty one years ago, the greatest physicist in history was born. Happy birthday to Albert Einstein  (en.wikipedia.org)	(101)

		The secret to having happy employees? Fire the unhappy ones  (finance.yahoo.com)	(145)
		Happy birthday to the legendary Roy Haynes, still snapping and crackling at 84  (youtube.com)	(9)

"ObamaCare could well become President Obama's Iraq." Except without the happy ending  (forbes.com)

(215)

		That unusually brusque press release issued by the L.A. Clippers upon firing Mike Dunleavy was meant to "comfort unhappy fans." Bonus - writer actually uses the term "Clipper Nation"  (sports.espn.go.com)	(15)
		Happy Mondays singer Shaun Ryder got married on what he will remember as a Dismal Sunday. In other news, Happy Mondays have found a way to be relevant again  (contactmusic.com)	(10)
		You'll be happy to know that TSA screener feeling up your daughter isn't really into her -- he already has a 14 year old girlfriend named "Kitten"  (bostonherald.com)	(100)

Hooker principal unlikely to see happy ending  (ctpost.com)

(31)

		Happy 30th birthday to the hottest redhead/blonde of subby's youth, Laura Prepon (Donna from That '70s Show)  (en.wikipedia.org)	(75)
		Happy birthday to vocalist Peter Wolf, best known for fronting the J. Geils Band. Here he is with the 80s earworm Centerfold  (youtube.com)	(30)

		If you're happy and you know it clap your hair?  (liveleak.com)	(13)
		Happy 47th birthday to Jason Newsted, who played bass on Metallica's only good album, "Metallica." From that album is the classic nighttime lullaby "Enter Sandman"  (youtube.com)	(161)

(WANE.com)

Is that a sophisticated camera and audio recording system attached to your right shoe and controls for video and audio in your pockets, or are you just happy to see me?  (wane.com)

(120)

Obama last week: starting health care over would be wasteful and pointless. Public: Oh? Enjoy these lower poll numbers. Obama this week: you'll be happy to know I had the GOP write me a new bill. Fark those Dems anyway, amiright?  (corner.nationalreview.com)

(80)

Happy 60th birthday to the mighty George Thorogood. Raise a toast of "One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer" in celebration  (youtube.com)

(73)

		When your company asks you to deposit $18,000, they want you to deposit it in a bank, not the back of your closet (w/ "Don't worry, be happy" mugshot)  (tampabay.com)	(32)
(TV Squad)		White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs says President Obama would be more than happy to do "The Daily Show" while in office. "The Colbert Report"...not so much  (tvsquad.com)	(101)

		Foodies do taste test of Whole Foods local produce against Walmart local produce, not entirely happy to discover they ended up preferring Walmart fruits and vegetables at two-thirds the price  (theatlantic.com)	(317)
		Tori Spelling (who became famous because her rich daddy had her nose fixed, boobs enhanced and put her on his TV show) writes a children's book encouraging kids to be happy being themselves  (usatoday.com)	(41)

Yeah...I need a #1 with a Coke and a Happy Meal with a cheeseburger, apple dippers, and a dimebag. What?  (press-citizen.com)

(76)

		Happy Valentine's Day. Here's some dinosaurs having sex  (foxnews.com)	(85)
		What do you do (and what should you do) when your spouse cheats on you? (Happy Valentine's Day)  (abcnews.go.com)	(160)

		Happy 36th birthday to Robbie Williams, who had his one and only hit with Take That's "Want You Back"  (youtube.com)	(25)
		Happy "Mistress Day" or, as it's known in Tiger Woods' house, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (twice), Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. Friday night's for the wife, of course  (nydailynews.com)	(49)

Happy Valentine's Day  (youtube.com)

(43)

Jessica Simpson unhappy with John Mayer's controversial "Playboy" interview, words that have more than one syllable  (hollyscoop.com)

(75)

		Happy birthday to our ringleader, Drew  (en.wikipedia.org)	(250)
		Happy birthday to Eddie Izzard. Here's the immortal "Cake or Death?"  (youtube.com)	(62)
		Welcome to your mid-life crisis, baby. Happy 48th Birthday to Axl Rose  (youtube.com)	(21)

Today is February 3rd, so happy Bean-Throwing Festival to all you really, really odd Japanese Farkers (with video)  (boingboing.net)

(38)

Scientists discover that if a dog is truly happy, he will wag his tail to the left. Your dog wants a cure for cancer  (dailymail.co.uk)

(72)

		Not so happy cows. Prepare to switch to soy milk after reading this. Not safe for cereal  (abcnews.go.com)	(483)
		GM's Saab story has a happy ending with $400M sale to Spyker. Saab: Born from jets, saved by..government backing?  (money.cnn.com)	(38)

Happy birthday, Mozart - it's time for your annual spin in the grave  (youtube.com)

(38)

Rapper Apache goes to the Happy Hunting Ground  (mtv.com)

(29)

Happy News: Michigan unemployment creeps below15%, according to Department of Eeyore, Sad Trombone, and Debbie Downer  (abcnews.go.com)

(158)

What do Pavement, Vampire Weekend, Tiësto, Faith No More, Deadmau5, David Guetta, MGMT, Jay-Z, Muse and Gorillaz have in common? If you answered "I wish they'd play Coachella in 2010", you're about to be very happy  (content.usatoday.com)

(78)

		It's all fun and games at the strip bar until a customer gets unhappy about a dance, grabs a gun, tries to rob the place, chases the dancer up to the roof, shoots the manager, sets a fire inside the club, and then dies  (azcentral.com)	(178)
		Yeah, Hollywood's out of ideas, but what happens when you combine a lack of ideas with 3D? Brad Pitt as a dancing penguin in "Happy Feet 2"  (examiner.com)	(25)

Happy Birthday Jim Carrey, here is his best "In Living Color" sketch  (youtube.com)

(62)

		Happy 100th birthday, Dizzy Dean  (youtube.com)	(19)
		Woman who summitted Everest climbs high ledge to rescue kitten in distress. "Sky" adopted in time for a happy Caturday  (komonews.com)	(lots)
		Dennis Hopper figures if he's going to die, he should probably die happy. So, he's filing for divorce  (contactmusic.com)	(34)

Happy Birthday, Rush Limbaugh  (corner.nationalreview.com)

(299)

Rodan's recovery may put him back on the soccer field soon. Godzilla said to be unhappy about this development  (news.com.au)

(9)

Happy Holliday, St. Louis  (670thescore.stats.com)

(81)

Happy 50th Birthday, Michael Stipe. Everybody hurts, especially when you're middle-aged and you reach for a mug to make Sanka and you pull a muscle in your back  (en.wikipedia.org)

(54)

(wtfiswrong.com)		Happy Binary Day  (wtfiswrong.com)	(54)
		Wells Fargo responds to the angry mob; No cash bonuses for top executives. They will get stock options as an incentive to make intelligent long-term investments. Happy New Year  (marketwatch.com)	(36)
		Happy New Year Puna Kihapai, Hawaii  (fark.com)	(42)
		Happy New Year Upirngaq Piruqsivik, Alaska  (fark.com)	(28)
		Happy New Year Springfield, Oregon  (fark.com)	(159)
		Happy New Year Springfield, Utah  (fark.com)	(47)
(Planetary Society)		Mars might finally have the upper hand against the rover Spirit as it seems that it will die next winter unable to get its solar panels pointed at the Sun. This makes Marvin the Martian very happy indeed  (planetary.org)	(52)
		Happy New Year, Springfield, Illinois  (fark.com)	(145)
		Happy New Year Springfield, Florida  (fark.com)	(165)

		Happy New Year Springfield, Nova Scotia  (fark.com)	(39)
		Happy New Year, residents of Springfield Road in South River, Newfoundland  (fark.com)	(50)
		Not happy with just alienating their fan base, Blizzard have begun incarcerating their fan base  (kotaku.com)	(147)
		The TSA is hard at work at correcting the problems that arose on the flight to Detroit. Just kidding, they're issuing subpoenas to bloggers. Happy New Year  (komonews.com)	(243)

A happy 59th birthday to the archetypal "oh, THAT guy" actor, Jon Polito  (youtube.com)

(55)

		See the happy family at the basketball game. Happy happy happy. See Junior? Junior wants to be a funny guy on ESPN live television. Funny funny funny. Wow, is Dad pissed off. Pissed pissed pissed  (liveleak.com)	(34)
(Some Antisocialist)		In Sweden, if you homeschool your kids, apparently they can take your kids away from you as you board a plane without a warrant or criminal charges and limit parental visits to one hour every five weeks. Happy Holidays  (hslda.org)	(263)

It's December 23rd, and you know what that means; it's time to put up the pole, prepare for the feats of strength. Happy Festivus, everyone; air your grievances to the right  (en.wikipedia.org)

(300)

(Some Naked Dude on a Brain)		I'll see your Happy Frank Zappa day and wish you a happy Rush day on this 21st day of the 12th month  (rushisaband.com)	(100)
(wbal)		Happy Frank Zappa Day  (wbaltv.com)	(53)

Happy Crimble and Merry New Year from John, Paul, George and Ringo  (youtube.com)

(33)

(McClatchy)

Probing of Dicks is over, with happy ending  (mcclatchydc.com)

(12)

		Happy 76th Birthday Tim Conway, one of the best comedic minds of our time. Proof to the left  (youtube.com)	(93)
		Do you have an Avatar in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?  (atom.com)	(22)
		Swedish troops in Afghanistan in trouble for not paying local women for "massages". Tune in next week to find out if the story has a happy ending  (thelocal.se)	(29)

News: President Obama wishes everyone a happy Hanukkah. Fark: Immediately, the Birthers claim he was born in Israel. Total Fark: This is not from the Onion  (huffingtonpost.com)

(134)

		Happy Hanukkah to you Jewish farkers out there. Lets all light the menorah  (nytimes.com)	(154)
		♫ Young man, you can always fall down. Young man, and get froze to the ground. Stay there, and be eventually found, there you'll bleed and be unhappy ♫ It's fun to skate at the YMCA, it's fun to skate at the YMCA ♫  (helenair.com)	(31)
		Happy Chrismakwanzika. Carol of the Bells, Muppet Style  (youtube.com)	(19)

Happy 94th birthday, Eli Wallach. May you only visit Sad Hill cemetery to look for Arch Stanton  (youtube.com)

(44)

(The More You Know)

Happy 20th Anniversary, Meme  (themoreyouknow.com)

(100)

(Some Guy)		"Yahoo isn't happy that a detailed menu of the spying services it provides to law enforcement agencies has leaked onto the web"  (mathaba.net)	(96)
(Some Guy)		Happy National Ninja Day  (askaninja.com)	(92)

		Less than 24 hours after Obama's speech, Gates lays the groundwork for a protracted stay. That ought to make everyone happy, amiright?  (foxnews.com)	(145)
		If you pay handsomely for hand sanitizers, you'll be happy to know they sort of work -- if you wash your hands vigorously beforehand  (cbc.ca)	(236)

(Some Guy)

Photoshop these happy homeowners  (trinityjournal.com)

(34)

(ET Online)

Levi Johnston says he'd be happy to appear on "Dancing With the Stars." Actually, he's be happy if you had some spare change you could lend him  (etonline.com)

(26)

Twilight: New Moon rules the box office for the second straight week despite Sandra Bullock staking them on Thursday. Well, I hope you're happy, America, we can expect even more sparkly bullshiat  (reuters.com)

(179)

		Not News: Wishing someone a happy Eid al-Adha. News: In a Best Buy ad. Fark: After you stopped wishing people Merry Christmas in those same ads in favor of Happy Holidays  (myfoxdc.com)	(238)
(Andrew Sullivan)		A moving Thanksgiving Day tribute to America expressed with a clarity that perhaps only a conservative, gay, Catholic, pugnacious and irrepressible expatriate Brit could attain. Happy Thanksgiving Fark  (mcgillreport.org)	(96)

Canadian judge rules that the Happy Gilmore golf swing is wrong, biatch  (features.csmonitor.com)

(90)

Happy 5th Birthday, World of Warcraft  (telegraph.co.uk)

(442)

(Some Guy)

Firecrackers, die cast cars and a 600 fps camera. It really is the simple things in life that make the little boy in us happy. (w/slo-mo video goodness)  (autoblog.com)

(46)

Wish a happy 59th birthday to Little Steven Van Zandt with "Until The Good Is Gone"  (youtube.com)

(19)

Sunnyvale, CA named happiest place in America, Crappyville still least happy  (cbs5.com)

(98)

Scientists decide to answer the age old question, "Are caged chickens happy?"  (indystar.com)

(78)

		If you've lost a box approximately 50,000 light years in size, astronomers are happy to report that they have located it in galaxy NGC 4710  (physorg.com)	(73)
(Some Guy)		CWA president upset that American T-Mobile employees, who are already happy with their workplace, aren't interested in "organizing", plans to bring in German muscle to "re-educate" them  (wfaa.com)	(43)

The AFA issues its annual fatwa against The Gap for not using the word Christmas in its Christmas advertising; neglects to check whether the the dreaded C-word was actually omitted  (latimes.com)

(89)

Do not taunt happy fun hypermuscular monkey  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)

(51)