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Headlines matching 'GED'
Fri February 10, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Boston Herald) Sappy Kevin Youkilis engaged to Tom Brady's sister. Still unclear how New York will ruin this for New England fans, too  (news.bostonherald.com) (32)


Thu February 09, 2012
(Des Moines Register) Followup Charges against Iowa burlesque dancers dropped after technical difficulties with the video that allegedly showed them baring too much skin during a balloon-pop routine (w/ picture of Iowa burlesque dancers)  (desmoinesregister.com) (250)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida One legged cocaine dealer runs away from police by hopping. Really, Florida? I mean, really?  (jacksonville.com) (36)


Wed February 08, 2012
(Some Guy) Amusing Director of the TN agency charged with eradicating marijuana has decided that the most effective form of eradication is to just smoke it all herself  (wsmv.com) (84)


Tue February 07, 2012
(Guardian) Unlikely Nice guys urged to get spines so voters will quit going for jerks  (guardian.co.uk) (50)
(Guardian) Interesting Soldiers of the future might have their minds plugged directly into weapons systems, hopefully including phased plasma rifles in the 40 watt range  (guardian.co.uk) (71)


Mon February 06, 2012
(Entertainment Weekly) Cool "How Star Wars changed my life, altered my view of good and evil, and ensured I'd be a virgin until 30"  (popwatch.ew.com) (66)
(Huffington Post) Scary LEVEL 1 EMERGENCY: Japan's 59% of female respondents aged 16 to 19 said they were uninterested in or averse to sex, a near 12% increase since 2008  (huffingtonpost.com) (551)


Fri February 03, 2012
(The Register) Fail I know some of those words in the headline are English, but they can't be rearranged into anything meaningful  (theregister.co.uk) (45)
(LA Times) Amusing Spokeswoman says that a few thefts by TSA agents shouldn't make us forget all the good that they've done. You could tell the Spokeswoman was a pro, because she managed to say that with a straight face  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (95)
(New York Daily News) Followup Hackers managed to direct users to a dummy website where readers saw, "Help us run over poor women on our way to the bank." Susan G. Komen gets pwned  (nydailynews.com) (21)


Thu February 02, 2012
(Den Of Geek) Interesting They've managed to make a trailer for The Phantom Menace that makes the film look even worse than it is. Check out the voiceover work on this one  (denofgeek.com) (148)
(Buzzfeed) Cool A look at how classic cereal boxes have changed over the years. The Lucky Charms Leprechaun was even creepier in 1963 than he is today  (buzzfeed.com) (333)
(Slate) Stupid So, what happens if Obama wins a second term? "We will sentence [our children] to take the first step into 1,000 years of darkness." Welcome to Derpaggedon  (slate.com) (118)


Tue January 31, 2012
(Mother Jones) Scary Defense Security: "The President decides who is a terrorist and if they should be killed". Keyboard commandos outraged, delete any pre-2009 comments agreeing with this concept  (motherjones.com) (335)
(LA Times) Sad Nurseries urged to look for signs of drug-addicted babies, such as if the babies sleep a lot, soil themselves, or speak only in incoherent babble  (latimes.com) (27)


Mon January 30, 2012
(CBS-NY) Unlikely State Senator wants to ban eating on NYC subway trains. All other bodily functions still encouraged  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (107)
(Yahoo) Obvious It looked like Obama's re-election campaign was sailing against some stiff political winds, but then hot air masses in Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina and Florida dramatically changed the climate  (news.yahoo.com) (71)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Embattled Real Madrid coach Jose Mourinho tired of drama in Spain, allegedly has decided to return to English Premier League this summer. Immortal quote: "It's not about the money"  (adifferentleague.co.uk) (39)


Sun January 29, 2012
(Some Guy) Fail Newt Gingrich thinks college students should get part-time jobs to pay for their tuition. As opposed to when he was in college and begged his family for money instead of looking for a job. "I want all my time for my studies"  (syracuse.com) (347)
(Some Guy) Asinine Six year old charged with sexual assault over game of tag. That is going on his permanent record  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (156)
(Filmland) Amusing "The Devil Inside" averaged $92 per theater yesterday. Well, this article was written 3 days ago, so that's probably down to...I don't know, $20 maybe  (famousmonstersoffilmland.com) (98)
(Herald Tribune) Florida 55-year-old Florida man claiming Indian descent wears war paint, headdresses, and performs sacred dance ceremonies at heritage festivals across the state. Some Native Americans have a problem with this (w/ pic of alleged Indian)  (heraldtribune.com) (164)


Sat January 28, 2012
(Daily Mail) Scary Jaclyn Smith certainly has aged well. For a duck  (dailymail.co.uk) (36)
(Telegraph) Unlikely In 40 years, people will flock to the palm-fringed beaches of England  (telegraph.co.uk) (72)


Fri January 27, 2012
(The Atlantic) Interesting What if D-Day and the Moon Landing Had Failed? What Dwight Eisenhower and Richard Nixon planned to say if tragedy occurred  (theatlantic.com) (63)
(Yahoo) Strange It's Dumbolicious : A new taste for eating elephant meat, everything from trunks to sex organs has emerged in Thailand  (news.yahoo.com) (33)


Thu January 26, 2012
(USA Today) Amusing Ethically challenged and disgraced former House majority leader Tom Delay criticizes ethically challenged and disgraced former House Speaker Newt Gingrich  (content.usatoday.com) (61)
(Forbes) Interesting A silver stake, forged under the watchful eye of the monks who only mine for silver in the waning moonlight  (forbes.com) (7)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Illinois lawmakers are being urged to help lower the risks of online dating, presumably by banning use of MySpace photo angles  (chicagotribune.com) (27)


Wed January 25, 2012
(io9) Cool Experts managed to sneak actual science into Hollywood science fiction movies. Still no cure for midichlorians  (io9.com) (88)
(The New York Times) Cool Why they changed it I can't say. Maybe these relics will indicate people just liked it better that way  (nytimes.com) (6)
(SFGate) Stupid East Haven, CT Mayor responds to arrest of 4 police officers charged with profiling and harassment of Latinos with: A) Defense of officers B) Plan to redeem police force to Latino Community C) He will be eating tacos for dinner (With video)  (blog.sfgate.com) (118)


Tue January 24, 2012
(NPR) Cool Q: Do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France? A: I don't know, but here's an article about how McDonald's in France doesn't solely serve repackaged corn  (npr.org) (82)


Mon January 23, 2012
(News.com.au) Amusing Six days left to bid on slightly damaged cruise ship. Reserve already met  (news.com.au) (43)
(Some Foodie) Obvious Seven top food trends for 2012: offal, foraged ingredients, marshmallows, macarons, gluten-free everything, off-grid food trucks, and restaurant gardens  (blogs.vancouversun.com) (109)


Sat January 21, 2012
(Some Pagan Dad) Followup Pagan mom who challenged Bibles in public school now getting death threats and harassment: "I'm hoping it's just some idiot trying to scare me into shutting up"  (citizen-times.com) (271)
(The Sun) Interesting Brutal butcher of Bulgaria bagged in Bermondsey. The Bun is Bare  (thesun.co.uk) (26)


Fri January 20, 2012
(Telegraph) Obvious The good news: Google+ hits 90 million users. The bad news: and by "users", we mean everyone who opened a page, looked around, shrugged and never came back  (telegraph.co.uk) (112)


Thu January 19, 2012
(KABC-TV) Fail I managed to get a redlight on "Drew Greenlight Day", so here's Ric Romero's consumer news  (abclocal.go.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Weird Witness at the center of the Pakistani 'memogate' may have his credibility damaged by a video that recently surfaced... Fark: of him acting as a commentator for a naked female wrestling bout  (asiancorrespondent.com) (14)
(BusinessWeek) Interesting Mitt Romney would be outraged that his high taxes were paying for the cushy government pensions of three other Republican presidential candidates (if he paid high taxes, that is). The only one to opt out? RON PAUL  (businessweek.com) (55)


Wed January 18, 2012
(Fark) Fail How many Seattle TFers are up and dealing with Snowmaggeddon?  (fark.com) (164)


Tue January 17, 2012
(Ohio.com) Hero Barber with enormous balls refuses demands and dares armed robber to shoot him. The robber obliged, but the gun had other ideas  (ohio.com) (99)
(Daily Mail) Followup First look inside the partially submerged cruise ship, Costa Concordia (w/photos & videos)  (dailymail.co.uk) (143)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Truck driver hauling 7,000 gallons of raw sewage charged with careless driving after losing his shiat  (nj.com) (30)


Sun January 15, 2012
(ABC) Sappy Romney gives unemployed women money from his pocket in what surely wasn't a staged campaign event  (abcnews.go.com) (193)


Sat January 14, 2012
(NYPost) Obvious Juror says one-legged, Bentley-driving, Rolex-wearing millionaire vs. stripper, vegan chef and expert in tantric massage was "an interesting case"  (nypost.com) (39)
(Canoe) Dumbass Two men charged after fatal race between snowmobile, pickup and ATV. The snowmobile lost, by the way  (cnews.canoe.ca) (35)


Fri January 13, 2012
(Some Guy) Cool After discovering his luggage was damaged during a recent trip, a Southwest Airlines passenger launched a website with various images to illustrate his trip as a letter to Southwest. FARK: Southwest responds in kind  (dearswa.com) (69)
(WWL) Fail Cousins go to house to smoke pot, the guy that tagged along discovers a stash of guns, opens fire on occupants with their own guns, owner returns fire but is killed, police give chase, car crashes, cops shoot all three. The Aristocrats  (wwl.com) (94)
(Bitten and Bound) Cool The Miss America prelim rounds ended last night. Miss Hawaii emerged as a front-runner for her beauty and a demonstration of rope trickery. Great Balls of Fire indeed. (pics, vid)  (bittenandbound.com) (38)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Man charged with posing as a dentist and performing illegal dentistry, which caries a stiff penalty  (wesh.com) (32)


Thu January 12, 2012
(Yahoo) Obvious You feeling great right now because a girl just walked up to you and hugged you, but seriously, check your pockets  (uk.news.yahoo.com) (39)
(YouTube) Video "The Tragedy of the Three Little Pigs" by William Shakespeare  (youtube.com) (13)


Wed January 11, 2012
(News.com.au) Sad Graffiti artist tagged by train  (news.com.au) (103)
(CBS News) Sappy Dick Van Dyke engaged at age 86 to 39 year old woman. Will star in new show "Diagnosis: Wishful Thinking"  (cbsnews.com) (51)
(TMZ) Stupid Studio changed Gina Carano's voice in new movie Haywire because they didn't like the way she sounded. Like anyone's going to be paying attention to what she says, anyway  (tmz.com) (83)
(Yahoo) Obvious Michelle Obama says she's she tired of being tagged with the "angry black woman" stereotype; and that she just MIGHT have to break a foot off in somebody's ass if they don't knock it off  (news.yahoo.com) (409)


Tue January 10, 2012
(Fox News) Dumbass Woman fakes daughter's death to go to Costa Rica. Employers became suspicious by different fonts on forged death certificate. DAMN YOU COMIC SANS  (foxnews.com) (73)
(Townhall) Sad With a half-century of experience as a witness to liberal media bias, I'm not easily shocked or outraged by current displays of it, but George Stephanopoulos deserves special notoriety for his disgraceful performance Saturday night  (townhall.com) (196)


Mon January 09, 2012
(Fox News) Amusing Conservatives are outraged over the conspiracy between Google and the MSM to smear Santorum, noting that Google is trading at $666 (yes, really)  (foxnews.com) (204)


Sat January 07, 2012
(Daily Mail) Sad C. Feldman alleges molestation, issues B.moresque era-appr. quip: "It was basically me laying there pretending I was asleep..." Plans to out alleged pedophiles when advantageous to alleged career. Hey C.F.-- What up with the youth?  (dailymail.co.uk) (95)
(Some Bipedal Guy) Caturday Two-legged cat finds his forever home. Welcome home Deuce and happy Caturday  (blogs.catster.com) (951)


Fri January 06, 2012
(Daily Mail) Obvious Rick Santorum encounters that part of the graph that shows how college-aged students feel about gay marriage, gets booed off stage  (dailymail.co.uk) (315)
(Denver Channel) Dumbass High school drama teacher charged with giving curtain calls to an underage student. (With "you'd give her a callback after an audition" pic)  (thedenverchannel.com) (108)


Thu January 05, 2012
(Boston.com) Followup While you were busy being outraged over Verizon's $2 fee to make a payment other utilities were already charging $4.95  (boston.com) (93)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary Woman dragged out of car, assaulted on southwest side. So that's like, what, the back of her left leg?  (chicagotribune.com) (18)
(wmal.com) Strange Federal judge says Maryland's redistricting boundaries look like "a broken-winged pterodactyl, lying prostrate across the center of the state," which may mark the first time a judge has likened district boundaries to a dinosaur  (wmal.com) (34)
(People Magazine) Followup Zooey Deschanel officially files for divorce from estranged husband Ben Gibbard, citing irreconcilable hipster differences  (people.com) (73)


Wed January 04, 2012
(Huffington Post) Fail George Washington: Make the most you can of the Indian Hemp seed and sow it everywhere. Newt Gingrich: I think George Washington would have rather strongly discouraged you from growing marijuana  (huffingtonpost.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "Johnson allegedly concealed 17 cans of baby formula, two douches, three toothbrushes, one bottle of K-Y lubricant, one bottle of shaving gel and one Lysol refill into a black diaper bag"  (rn-t.com) (163)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious New study reveals that middle-aged pot smokers actually scored higher on memory tests than those who didn't use the drug. So why is it illegal again?  (mnn.com) (374)
(Yahoo) Interesting Scientists now think that the great Khmer empire in Cambodia collapsed due to a prolonged drought, and not because of immigration issues caused by too many Ankgor babies as previously thought  (news.yahoo.com) (47)


Tue January 03, 2012
(Warming Glow) Sad Now you can turn our nation's biggest tragedy into a lasting memory for only $19.95. AMERICA  (warmingglow.uproxx.com) (129)


Mon January 02, 2012
(Deadspin) Amusing Not only did Pedobear show up to watch Penn State play in the TicketCity Bowl, he managed to get on the video screen (with photo goodness)  (deadspin.com) (112)
(AZCentral) Sad 100 ways Arizona changed the world. Spoiler: Number one is the chimichanga, a deep fried burrito that goes well with beer. Number two is a hole in the ground. Number three is a bigger hole in the ground  (azcentral.com) (52)


Sun January 01, 2012
(Cracked) Silly Six teenage inventors who changed the world and did more with their lives than any of us will  (cracked.com) (42)
(Chicago Tribune) Florida Lebron gets engaged on New Year's Eve, finally guaranteed a ring  (chicagotribune.com) (28)


Sat December 31, 2011
(Telegraph) Interesting Professor claims he and his wife were fired because they are Christian-from a Muslim university owned by the king of Dubai-which is in Scotland. Should we be outraged by this or not?  (telegraph.co.uk) (97)


Fri December 30, 2011
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Followup 103 year-old woman and her 84 year-old daughter who avoided eviction get a belated Christmas gift. TFA: Guy who arranged this lost his own home to foreclosure  (ajc.com) (35)


Thu December 29, 2011
(io9) Cool Ten images that changed the course of SCIENCE  (io9.com) (18)
(BBC) Scary US Army unveils helicopter drones, says it works well as long as you keep it charged and don't fly it into the ceiling and walls too much  (bbc.co.uk) (60)
(MSNBC) Fail Verizon hit with another data outage. Looks like that whole "Rule the Air" thing isn't working out so well  (technolog.msnbc.msn.com) (54)
(Showbiz Spy) Amusing Wynonna Judd is engaged. With a pic of what Snookie might look like in 20 years  (showbizspy.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Dumbass House arrest: Hugh Laurie lookalike charged after smashing wife in the face with ashtray, beer cans (with photo)  (thesunnews.com) (39)
(Huffington Post) Amusing The Onion's film critic is engaged in a Twitter war with the woman who wrote that movie where Sandra Bullock turns that fat kid into a Christian  (huffingtonpost.com) (81)
(Some Guy) Scary Anti-whaling ship signals for help after its hull is seriously damaged by a rogue wave. Where is their pod now?  (couriermail.com.au) (167)


Wed December 28, 2011
(Q2) Dumbass Man makes a fool of himself by going to a hospital and demanding painkillers for his alleged back pain, then really shoots himself in the foot in his efforts to get them. No, really  (ktvq.com) (50)
(Huffington Post) Amusing "I don't really like the beach. I hate sharks, and the water's all whale sperm. That's why the ocean's salty," and other scientifically-challenged gems from 2011  (huffingtonpost.com) (69)


Tue December 27, 2011
(USA Today) Scary Missing Indiana girl found dead; babysitter charged. Hourly  (usatoday.com) (104)


Mon December 26, 2011
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Teen charged with stealing $25,000 from Abercrombie & Fitch. That's almost two shirts and a pair of sandals  (sun-sentinel.com) (29)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Cool A Marine who survived Pearl Harbor has his urn placed on the USS Arizona. "It was because that's where he belonged, he lost all of his friends there and he wanted to be with them." The ashes they are strong in this story  (suntimes.com) (76)


Sat December 24, 2011
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not about to be up-staged by FedEx, a UPS driver flips off security camera, as he throws package  (inquisitr.com) (94)
(CNN) Dumbass Gov. Nikki Haley (R-SC) outraged at Department of Justice's attempt to infringe on her 10th Amendment right to infringe on her constituent's 15th Amendment rights  (cnn.com) (256)


Fri December 23, 2011
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Silly Citizens of Coralville, Iowa outraged that Old Country Buffet shut down without notice. "There are no buffets left in town. What will we do?"  (press-citizen.com) (77)
(The Consumerist) Sad In the worst tragedy on American soil since 9/11, vegetarian's life completely ruined because some stoned teenage windowlicker wouldn't make her a veggie sub. 10 years from now, we'll all remember where we were when we read this  (consumerist.com) (192)


Thu December 22, 2011
(Yahoo) Sad Eight soldiers charged with bullying a comrade to death. Unclear who ordered the Code Red  (news.yahoo.com) (126)
(Some Guy) Dumbass A man has been charged with attempted murder after throwing a bowling ball at a woman's head. The Sphinx says that before throwing the bowling ball, you must first let the bowling ball throw you  (charlotte.cbslocal.com) (54)
(Sun Sentinel) Hero 81-year old woman beats up the gun-toting man who mugged her daughter, demands he get off her lawn. Sure, it happened in Florida, but this woman deserves the Hero tag  (sun-sentinel.com) (19)


Wed December 21, 2011
(With Leather) Obvious This is what Kobe Bryant dropped his wife for...allegedly. No nudity, but you'll probably want to wait until you get home  (withleather.uproxx.com) (107)
(Huffington Post) Silly Claus challenged by U.S., other nations for widespread child privacy violations, considered a flight risk  (huffingtonpost.com) (15)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Latecomer for the coveted Father of the Year award arrested for putting a photo of his bound and gagged 22-month-old daughter on Facebook  (chicagotribune.com) (109)
(CNN) Fail Don't look now, but Bank of America stock price is now less than what they once charged customers for debit card use  (money.cnn.com) (55)


Tue December 20, 2011
(NBC Sports) Dumbass Newest contender for dumbest Stanley Cup rioter emerges. "Unlike many others that night, [he] allegedly had his surname emblazoned across his back on a hockey jersey"  (prohockeytalk.nbcsports.com) (36)


Mon December 19, 2011
(Gizmodo) Interesting This man invented a better sanitary napkin and changed poor women's lives forever. Period  (gizmodo.com) (60)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Immediately after middle aged people take medicine, they like to go outside and barbecue, and other things I've learned from commercials  (huffingtonpost.com) (187)
(The New York Times) Sad In 1948, six Boeing engineers checked into a hotel with slide rules and balsa wood. They emerged three days later with the B-52, which is still flying after its last designer died this month  (nytimes.com) (178)
(Canada.com) Obvious British lawmakers blame police tactics for severity of August riots. Police outraged, insist they used no tactics whatsoever  (canada.com) (32)
(CNN) Stupid Forget about the holidays, the pending global recession, and the death of Kim Jung Il - Britney Spears has changed her Facebook status to "engaged". It's not news, it's CNN  (marquee.blogs.cnn.com) (10)


Sat December 17, 2011
(Daily Mail) Followup Joe Paterno delayed forwarding reports of Sandusky's alleged sex abuse because he didn't want to ruin anyone's weekend... Or month... Or Holidays... Or decade  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)


Fri December 16, 2011
(Mediaite) Amusing "Fox News' brash, snarktabulous star of Red Eye, Greg Gutfeld... divulged his secrets on how to keep people awake, his love of British pop culture, affinity for sludge metal and predilection for the news aggregator site Fark"  (mediaite.com) (13)
(Talking Points Memo) Followup At last night's debate, Mitt Romney's biggest challenge was proving he wasn't flip-flopping. He was successful at first, then he managed to prove his critics right, then wrong again, and then right again  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com) (67)
(Washington Post) Scary I had a horrifying dream that middle-aged people who could not distinguish between a domain name and an IP address were trying to regulate the Internet. Then I woke up and the Judiciary Committee's SOPA hearings were on  (washingtonpost.com) (378)


Thu December 15, 2011
(NPR) Followup No, Obama did not j/k on his promise to veto the defense bill if it included language to incarcerate without due process. Language of the bill was changed to exempt US citizens before being signed  (npr.org) (259)
(Short List) Unlikely Hey, honey? You know that CCTV snapshot of a middle aged man that looks like me, in my car, squeezing that college student's boob? Yeah... Photoshopped by the cops  (shortlist.com) (68)


Tue December 13, 2011
(ESPN) Cool Week 15 power rankings with a NEW #1 TEAM No, not really, but #3 changed and the Cowboys took a Giant fall  (espn.go.com) (277)
(ABC) Asinine Bank: We charged you so many fees that your account became overdrawn so we had to charge you more fees. That'll be $229.10 to close your account please  (abcnews.go.com) (380)


Sun December 11, 2011
(Daily Mail) Strange Van Morrison's 44-year old girlfriend and mother of his youngest child, Gigi Lee, dies of cancer. Michelle Rocca, Van's wife and mother of his two other children, can hopefully help Van deal with this tragedy  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(Some Guy) Amusing Religious groups outraged about raunchy t-shirts being sold to children in the community. "Boobies make me smile"  (couriermail.com.au) (73)


Thu December 08, 2011
(CBS Baltimore) Stupid Two female Baltimore City Mounted Unit police officers are on leave after allegedly mounting each other in public  (baltimore.cbslocal.com) (128)
(YouTube) Obvious Rachel Maddow tears Obama a new one over Prolonged Detention  (youtube.com) (156)
(Washington Post) Followup Air Force admits that they buried far more ashes of U.S. servicemen in a landfill than previously acknowledged. Oops, sorry families, their bad again  (washingtonpost.com) (72)


Wed December 07, 2011
(ESPN) Followup Packers Linebacker charged with beating his girlfriend. IMO, she would be better off dating someone from the Colts. They don't beat anyone  (espn.go.com) (71)
(IndyStar) Interesting "Hey man, is that freedom rock?" "No, it's just 185 pounds of packaged hydroponic marijuana stuffed in a bunch of musical speakers"  (indystar.com) (104)
(Some Guy) Strange You haven't done a very good job at parenting if your kids drink underage, they beat you up for throwing away their beer because they are underaged, and they're drinking Bud Light  (bnd.com) (71)


Tue December 06, 2011
(Huffington Post) Obvious Hillary Clinton says that Russian elections were rigged, suggests they try using Diebold voting machines next time  (huffingtonpost.com) (24)
(CNBC) Unlikely A few surveys and fudged numbers tell us everything is great in the employment department. Mmmm, fudged numbers  (cnbc.com) (9)
(Boston Herald) Asinine Instead of scoring the game winning TD, delivering his school its first ever championship, QB flagged for illegal celebration for raising his hand before scoring  (bostonherald.com) (223)


Mon December 05, 2011
(News.com.au) Dumbass OWS figure who may also be Conan O'Brien's estranged twin, exposed as a fraud after accepting publicly funded art grants  (news.com.au) (58)


Sun December 04, 2011
(Huffington Post) Scary "It's not enough just to be alleged to be a terrorist. That's part of what due process is -- deciding, are you a terrorist?" - Rand Paul (B-roken Clock)  (huffingtonpost.com) (186)
(Some Guy) Ironic Former Miss World Canada contestant and Miss Congeniality award winner one of the latest to be charged in the Vancouver Stanley Cup riot  (globaltvbc.com) (49)
(St. Petersburg Times) Silly They Might Be Giants release new electronic version of "Istanbul" (w/ video). Why they changed it I can't say, I guess they just liked it better this way  (tampabay.com) (79)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Police report says a man charged with assault walked up to a woman in a bar and "kissed her and put his tongue down her throat against her will." I'm sure the plan sounded much more smooth and sexy in his head beforehand  (nwfdailynews.com) (41)


Sat December 03, 2011
(Toronto Sun) Dumbass Johnny Depp has managed to piss off Christians with his new Christmas song. That's pretty hard to do  (torontosun.com) (87)


Fri December 02, 2011
(Some Guy) Scary North Carolina man cannot collect damages from first responders who declared him dead, body bagged him and placed him in a refrigerator drawer  (thejobmouse.com) (53)
(Gawker) Dumbass News: Herman Cain's lawyer goes on Piers Morgan's show to answer questions about Cain's alleged affair. Fark: He refuses to do so and then fights with Morgan (w/ video)  (gawker.com) (9)
(The New York Times) Asinine The banker as predator, a confession: "...they looked for less savvy borrowers - those with less education, without previous mortgage experience, or without fluent English - and nudged them toward subprime loans"  (nytimes.com) (27)
(Mediabistro) Spiffy "Like" Ric Romero's KABC-7 station on Facebook & $1 gets donated to their "Spark Of Love" toydrive for underprivileged kids. To the Romerocopter  (mediabistro.com) (28)


Thu December 01, 2011
(The New York Times) Cool In addition to making you send unremembered, early morning, sexually charged emails to your boss, Ambien also can wake brain injury victims from a persistent vegetative state  (nytimes.com) (147)
(USA Today) Obvious Former diplomat warns of 'sexpionage' traps during trips to China. Ploy alleged to be extremely sophisticated, diplomat was targeted five times in the last year. Also notes Grand Hyatt Beijing is discounting through May  (content.usatoday.com) (27)
(Gawker) Amusing Mitt Romney was a real people person back in 1994. No word on he changed his stance on that too  (gawker.com) (11)
(Austin News KXAN) Strange "Police said when they arrived, they found the alleged victim covered in grease and macaroni"  (kxan.com) (35)


Tue November 29, 2011
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Sick Owners of home where teen died during sleepover charged with possessing a rotten possum  (ajc.com) (36)
(Some puzzled rescuers) Amusing "We saw two men, who were Iranians, drowning in the sea. We took them on our boat and battled the sea 45 minutes until we reached land. They hugged and kissed us, but when we told them we were Israelis, they got up and ran away"  (ynetnews.com) (88)
(LA Times) Asinine Anne Hathaway is engaged? NO, I was SAVING MYSELF for her. She is MINE, MINE  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (51)


Mon November 28, 2011
(ESPN) Silly "I wonder if Tim Tebow is an Internet troll who grew huge muscles and became a football player and is currently engaged in an epic prank on the NFL and football media. I am a Tebowist"  (espn.go.com) (153)
(Yahoo) Interesting Enraged Pakistanis are protesting the US government and burning Obama in effigy, now edge Gingrich in recent GOP polls  (news.yahoo.com) (126)


Sun November 27, 2011
(Fox News) Interesting Newt picks up key NH newspaper endorsement. Too early for subby to point out that Obama and Gingrich can be rearranged to spell "Magic Brain Hog?"  (foxnews.com) (122)


Sat November 26, 2011
(Some Guy) Interesting Police superintendent whose force ran radar speed trap is outraged after judge enforces Pennsylvania law banning local police from using radar  (delcotimes.com) (75)


Fri November 25, 2011
(Huffington Post) Silly Sue Paterno told to leave swimming pool on the Penn State campus. Before you get outraged, remember, her husband's no longer a university employee and techincally she was trespassing  (huffingtonpost.com) (219)


Thu November 24, 2011
(UPI) Silly Family decides to spare life of oyster they found because it had shapes on its shell arranged to look like a human face. Article does not say if it also resembled a bearded clam  (upi.com) (34)


Wed November 23, 2011
(Some Guy) Followup Not only did Jerry Sandusky allegedly enjoy molesting students, but he may have liked to keep it in the family as well  (thepostgame.com) (132)
(Seattle Times) Dumbass Owner of seafood firm charged in poaching. NEXT TIME PAN FRY, STUPID  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (11)
(Some Guy) Dumbass You have a migraine. You have kids aged 17, 14, 6 and 4 in the car. Which one do you give the keys to?  (wcax.com) (91)


Tue November 22, 2011
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Peapod delivery driver charged with delivering 40 lbs. more than required  (chicagotribune.com) (28)


Mon November 21, 2011
(Uproxx) Spiffy Congrats UC Davis pepper spray cop. In addition to your sudden infamy, you've become a full-fledged meme in record time  (uproxx.com) (351)
(The Atlantic Wire) Amusing Christopher Walken impersonator pranks AP with deep Walken thoughts on Natalie Wood's death. "There was tragedy"  (theatlanticwire.com) (46)


Sun November 20, 2011
(Cracked) Amusing Behold: The longest single-paged Cracked article  (cracked.com) (149)
(Chicago Tribune) Obvious Oh, it's one of THOSE threads again. Look, if the delivery guy wanted a tip, he shouldn't have charged a delivery fee  (chicagotribune.com) (257)
(Talking Points Memo) Fail It's the Whigged Out Party  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com) (270)


Fri November 18, 2011
(Some Guy) Fail Rule #3 of robbing someone's house. Try not lo leave yourself logged into Facebook, your car running in the driveway, AND your parole card in your wallet on the seat (3 Likes - 2 Comments)  (atlanta.cbslocal.com) (18)
(Live Science) Spiffy If you were intensely engaged in a dynamic, bidirectional, biological dialogue when an infant you are a more erudite person than those bottle feeders  (livescience.com) (42)
(Slate) Amusing World's most popular strain of lab mouse a stereotypical farker: "He's a teenaged, alcoholic couch potato with a weakened immune system"  (slate.com) (11)
(JSOnline) Asinine Six-year-old boy caught playing doctor charged with sexual assault, served with a malpractice suit  (jsonline.com) (170)


Thu November 17, 2011
(The Sun) Weird Woman has tip of pool cue lodged up her nose for 12 years. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (36)
(Some Shooty Guy) Strange Off-duty detective charged with firing four shots at grave site. Hundreds found dead  (lehighvalleylive.com) (18)
(TMZ) Weird Bad: Being accused of shoplifting. Good: Being cleared of shoplifting after a cop searches you. Bad Again: Being charged after the cop finds pot on you during the shoplifting search. Even worse: You are hanging out with Katt Williams  (tmz.com) (15)
(UPI) Stupid Clinton motorcade egged, drivers forced to scramble  (upi.com) (36)
(Fark) Sad Farker Faethe died today at 8:10AM EST after a prolonged fight with cancer  (fark.com) (340)
(MSNBC) Unlikely Perry: President Obama "grew up in a privileged way"  (firstread.msnbc.msn.com) (321)
(Some Guy) Weird A town in southern England has changed its name to avoid being associated with Ali G  (thedrum.co.uk) (22)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup Man who killed an Aldi security guard found dead in his prison cell. He will be charged $1 for the body bag  (chicagotribune.com) (33)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Walmart agrees to settle class-action suit involving alledged anti-trust agreement with Netflix. We get gift cards, the lawyers get hookers and blow  (huffingtonpost.com) (11)


Wed November 16, 2011
(USA Today) Followup Paterno entitled to a $500,000/yr pension for the rest of his life, but before you get all outraged, that means Penn State is only likely to be out a couple of Mil, max  (usatoday.com) (128)
(BBC) Interesting Michael Jackson charged with the attempted abduction and sexual assault of ten year old boy  (bbc.co.uk) (27)
(kctv5) Scary Two year old boy hospitalized after swallowing a battery. Doctors say his prognosis is positive, will soon be discharged  (kctv5.com) (51)
(Showbiz Spy) Obvious Britney Spears to get engaged to Trainwreck soon. I mean, Trawick. I totally meant "Trawick"  (showbizspy.com) (9)


Mon November 14, 2011
(Some Guy) Strange Tornado Watch issued for the Indianapolis region. Citizens are urged to seek shelter in Lucas Oil Stadium, where there is no chance of a touchdown  (theindychannel.com) (107)
(Deadline) Followup Last night's time-travel-centric episode of Family Guy saw the world changed--for the worse--if 9/11 didn't happen. Naturally, people have a problem with this  (deadline.com) (108)


Thu November 10, 2011
(NME) Hero Queen: "We've endured because we speak for common people." That, and Brian May saved the life of a brain-damaged hedgehog  (nme.com) (69)
(LA Times) Obvious A woman is charged with one misdemeanor count of child abuse for locking her daughter in a closet for 6 hrs. over bad grades. Phhhhttt, that's nothing. My mother once took away my Xbox for a WHOLE WEEK after I made a "D"  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (96)


Wed November 09, 2011
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not news: Occupy Denver elects a leader to communicate with police and city officials. News: She's a dog. Fark: An actual four-legged canine dog  (wp.koaa.com) (294)


Tue November 08, 2011
(CNN) Obvious Totally unconstitutional Obamacare law that will never withstand legal challenges and violates every constitutional principle ever... once again judged constitutional  (cnn.com) (204)
(Portland Online) Fail "Occupy Portland protesters became enraged when Pizza Schmizza ran out of breadsticks to accompany their order. They threatened to assault employees and vandalize the restaurant"  (portlandonline.com) (59)
(Daily Mail) Followup United Express pilot who flew while drunk gets six months in prison. Charged with breach of policy, dangerous behavior, impersonating Southwest Airlines pilot  (dailymail.co.uk) (2)


Mon November 07, 2011
(YouTube) Sappy Ugly-ass two legged dog couldn't be happier. Awwww  (youtube.com) (21)


Sun November 06, 2011
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida "They dragged me out of the car, threw me on the ground, and treated me like a criminal." That will tend to happen when you fall asleep in a stranger's pickup truck  (tampabay.com) (48)
(Bangor Daily News) Spiffy Whale adoption urged as Christmas present. I'm going to need a bigger aquarium  (bangordailynews.com) (31)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Interesting Five nerds charged in candy stealing spree. They thought they could make a fast break, but police are reserving a special dark place for them in jail  (ajc.com) (36)
(Beatcalls) Dumbass If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer  (beatcalls.com) (43)
(Houston Chronicle) Weird Elderly woman charged in connection with "purple drank" ring, bootleg Matlock DVD manufacturers  (chron.com) (35)


Fri November 04, 2011
(The Register) Followup China outraged by US cyberspying fingering, would have preferred to make out for a bit and engage in some heavy petting first  (theregister.co.uk) (24)
(My Fox DC) Sick An engaged couple, expecting their first child, have found out they are actually brother and sister. Relax West Virginia...not this time  (myfoxdc.com) (157)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Hard boiled detectives scramble to crack the case of who egged a neighborhood. There are a dozen suspects  (nwfdailynews.com) (34)


Thu November 03, 2011
(WLSAM) Scary Listeria outbreak in cantaloupes has become the greatest American melon tragedy since Gallagher  (wlsam.com) (86)
(Cracked) Interesting Five backup plans that would have changed modern history  (cracked.com) (106)
(Nola.com) Dumbass Pop quiz: If a photo on Facebook shows 12 hunters posing with 64 blue-winged teal ducks, but the limit is four teal ducks per hunter, how many days in jail are they looking at?  (nola.com) (96)


Wed November 02, 2011
(Talking Points Memo) Followup Glenn Beck-endorsed "Goldline" execs charged with fraud. In related news, it is now a crime to relieve reactionary halfwits of their money before they can blow it on guns, ammo, and American flag pins   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (138)
(CNN) Followup Japan: "Damaged reactors could take 30 years to retire" Americans: "That whole mess is still going on? Sheesh, we're a little pre-occupied over here with the Kardashian melt-down, okay? Try to keep up  (articles.cnn.com) (49)
(Some Tyler Durden) Amusing Bad: Using your work PC to view porn. Even Worse: Not realizing it's plugged into the LED billboard display at the busiest intersection in town  (shanghaiist.com) (53)


Mon October 31, 2011
(Some Guy) Silly Too $hort is being sued for allegedly grabbing a woman's breast. In related news, Too $hort still exists  (bet.com) (54)
(The Sun) Unlikely Not surprising: posthumous Amy Winehouse album is about to drop. Very surprising: allegedly, she only sang one of the tracks on drugs  (thesun.co.uk) (18)


Sun October 30, 2011
(Some Snowman) Followup LIke Halloween and Christmas decorations, Snowmageddon coming earlier every year  (accuweather.com) (55)
(The Sun) Dumbass Professional athlete charged with two attempted scores in 90 minutes. Typical soccer player  (thesun.co.uk) (10)
(Globe and Mail) Sappy Days after four players were killed by an alleged drunk driver, high school football team earns spot in championship game with 40-0 win  (theglobeandmail.com) (10)


Sat October 29, 2011
(Mirror.co.uk) Hero A faithful dog dragged his owner 100 yards to safety after he was struck by lightning. Now can we have 'Doggerday Tag'?  (mirror.co.uk) (72)


Fri October 28, 2011
(The Atlantic Wire) Unlikely The internet hasn't changed much in 15 years, although the headlines are way more meta  (theatlanticwire.com) (81)


Thu October 27, 2011
(Canada.com) Interesting Wrongfully convicted nonmurderer allegedly charged with purported ostensible assault  (canada.com) (39)
(Talking Points Memo) Sick An anti-welfare board game has been repackaged and relabeled Obozo's America and will surely be a hit for 1% of your Christmas list   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (158)
(Stuff.co.nz) Dumbass Unless emergency procedures have changed, complimentary vaginal exams are usually not part of the ambulance ride to the hospital  (stuff.co.nz) (37)


Wed October 26, 2011
(Daily Kos) Hero Watch out, ungrateful BofA customers: The CEO is "incensed" that you don't like being gouged  (dailykos.com) (327)
(Some Guy) Fail Possible follow-up headline: Entire Internet porn industry crashes after only paying customer charged with stealing $130,000 to feed habit  (duluthnewstribune.com) (83)
(This Is Plymouth) Sad Not news: Young people running up gambling debts. News: Police fear they could be forced into shoplifting and street-fighting. Fark: Gamblers are aged five, playing marbles  (thisisplymouth.co.uk) (43)


Tue October 25, 2011
(Some Guy) Interesting How television has changed the way we eat--and not for the better  (newyork.grubstreet.com) (127)


Mon October 24, 2011
(Some Guy) Unlikely "A number of people would have been outraged if Timothy McVeigh had made it to Canada after the Oklahoma City bombing and the President had taken him out with a drone, without a trial"  (motionsonline.org) (249)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Scientists claim ancient spear lodged in mastodon skeleton proves humans populated North America 1,000 years earlier than previously thought. Still looking for foot-powered cars and record players made from birds  (dailymail.co.uk) (29)


Sun October 23, 2011
(Some Guy) Amusing Awkward side-effects of celebrity marriage: refusing to be served by female flight attendants because you might run into one that your husband has banged before  (mailonsunday.co.uk) (41)


Sat October 22, 2011
(SFGate) PSA Fresh & Easy recalls bagged spinach due to contamination. Symptoms can include nausea, severe headache, bloated forearms  (sfgate.com) (11)


Fri October 21, 2011
(WLBZ.com) Followup Maine man charged with stealing a purple monkey. Police have still not located the dishwasher  (wlbz2.com) (32)


Thu October 20, 2011
(Chicago Tribune) Weird 20 boats damaged after breaking free at Monroe Harbor. It's like all the escaped animals in Ohio, only boatier  (chicagotribune.com) (20)
(Boing Boing) Scary DHS now has powers to simply take over a New York City street because of an arrest for peaceable conduct by a middle-aged writer in an evening gown  (boingboing.net) (182)
(Albany Times Union) Dumbass Former cable installer moves to the middle of nowhere and is outraged that he can't get cable internet  (timesunion.com) (136)


Wed October 19, 2011
(ESPN) Dumbass Former WR James McKnight charged with domestic violence and not hanging tough enough  (espn.go.com) (27)


Tue October 18, 2011
(JSOnline) Dumbass Porcelain fountain damaged in drunken black-out. When drunk, you're supposed to worship at the porcelain temple, not desecrate it  (jsonline.com) (28)
(New York Magazine) Fail Occupy Wall Streeters were given a fifty question economic quiz. See if you can do any better than they managed  (nymag.com) (571)


Mon October 17, 2011
(Discover) Fail No, we didn't almost get hit by a comet in 1883. Armageddon sick of these doomsday stories  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (34)
(Daily Mail) Scary Pilot realizes in mid-air that he picked the wrong week to stop having his instruments sabotaged with glue  (dailymail.co.uk) (105)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this bogged down guy  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (24)


Sat October 15, 2011
(Yahoo) Sick Matthew Broderick caught on camera engaged in public display of affection with his wife, Sarah Jessica Parker  (omg.yahoo.com) (84)
(CNN) Obvious Three women charged in sex attacks on men. "17 men came and positively identified the women as having raped them"...... indeed  (cnn.com) (131)

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