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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Police officer breaks into neighbor's home to do laundry. Fails to make a clean getaway  (metro.co.uk)	(30)

Streaker interrupts Cardinals-Phillies game. Details of the arrest should be quite revealing  (deadspin.com)

(27)

(Some All American Guy)		The official list of words that get the attention of Homeland Security when you chat with your BFF Jill on FB  (blog.alexanderhiggins.com)	(248)
		Gizmodo gives credit to Fark for telling them about a dad who went a little too far in retaliating against his son's principal  (gizmodo.com)	(0)
		Woman complains her husband needs porn on TV to get him in the mood for sex - without once describing in detail the porn in question  (mirror.co.uk)	(99)

		NYPD has suspect in custody who has admitted involvement in the disappearance of Etan Patz 33 years ago  (nydailynews.com)	(53)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 368: "Sleeve-faced" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(27)

		G.I. Joe: Retaliation pushed back to 3/2013. Apparently the other half of the battle is 'post production 3D conversion'  (deadline.com)	(59)
		Will Martin Brodeur need a glass of Metamucil? Will John Tortorella need a sippy cup of apple juice? The answers and more in tonight's Devils at Rangers Game 5 ECF thread (8:00 PM eastern, NBCSN)  (nhl-red-light.si.com)	(662)
		Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett: "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing"   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(113)

(Washington City Paper)		You're the nation's capital. How do you dispose of personnel files? A) Retain, then dispose of securely, B) Retain indefinitely, or C) Cram an abanoned car full & set it on fire. And some dumpsters. At the fire academy  (washingtoncitypaper.com)	(16)
		Former Secretary of State Colin Powell on renewing his endorsement he gave Barack Obama four years ago: Yeah, about that "transformational figure" thingy  (abcnews.go.com)	(97)
		In a desperate attempt to stay relevant and to out-Derp the AZ Secretary of State/Romney's campaign co-chair, Sheriff Joe sends a "Threats Unit" investigator to Hawaii. You know, just because   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(210)
		Bad news: it's National Vegetarian Week in the UK. Good news: the world's meatiest sandwich has become a thing  (shortlist.com)	(95)
(NBCDFW)		OMG. You did not just label the special needs students 'retarded' in the yearbook  (nbcdfw.com)	(112)
		LeBron gets fired up by reading "The Hunger Games." Peeta, Tebow unimpressed  (news.com.au)	(18)
		You know that kooky, fringy, birther-curious Secretary of State from AZ that is trying to block Obama from the ballot? Yeah, he's one of Romney's campaign co-chairs  (talkingpointsmemo.com)	(195)

Hank Aaron still retains his passion for the game. H* th*r*, B*rry B*nds  (jsonline.com)

(44)

		Suit of meat armor offers +5 protection against vegetarians, -1 against Lady Gaga  (io9.com)	(24)
		Deadly earthquake strikes Italian region of Bologna. If only there were some sort of sandwich metaphor to describe how flattened the buildings are  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(39)

		Two cheetah cubs have a romping good time. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk)	(16)
		Apple traditionally names its OS platforms after cats: Mountain Lion is the current version, then Lion, Snow Leopard, Leopard, Tiger, Panther, Jaguar, Puma, and Cheetah. How many other cat species are left?  (latimes.com)	(167)
		The reason so many men these days aren't vegetarians is because Charles Bronson and John Wayne spent so much time eating bloody steaks and charred burgers while sitting around in bacon-stitched robes  (mnn.com)	(110)

(The Blemish)		Michael Caine was not, I repeat, NOT trapped in an attic. More details as this story unfolds  (theblemish.com)	(19)
		Arizona Sec of State to Hawaii "Can you prove Obama was really born in your state?" Hawaii "Can you prove you are really Secretary of State?"   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(492)
		Zimmerman photos from the night of the incident detailing his injuries, and the 183 pages of court documents, for those who still care, have no life  (610wiod.com)	(751)
		Federal Judge to DOJ: You know that part of the NDA that lets you indefinitely detain anyone you think is "supporting" terrorism? Yeah, the 1st Amendment has a problem with that  (businessweek.com)	(170)

Theme of Farktography Contest No. 367: "Scavenger Hunt 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)

(101)

Are you a self-centered douchebag who can't wait a few hours before yammering your life's inanities into a cellphone so that everyone trapped around you can hear every detail? Awesome, you're the man, book your next flight on Virgin  (travel.usatoday.com)

(40)

		Remember those postal workers who were upset about having to deliver to nudists? Well, turns out they never saw anyone nude and were just retaliating over complaints about their inability to deliver mail correctly and in a timely fashion  (wtkr.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		Fark-ready headline: "Labor board says Boner retaliated against pair" Bonus: Boss says he wouldn't have sexually harassed fired workers because they weren't "young and pretty" enough  (dnj.com)	(23)
		Retail sales PROBABLY slowed. Maybe. Perhaps. Fark it, we don't know, we fired the guy who ran those numbers  (businessweek.com)	(10)
(Some Guy)		Defence Secretary warns that EMP bombs could cripple Nanny State's vital fleet of television detector vans  (techweekeurope.co.uk)	(47)

When reading tweets live on air, make sure they're not being shown before you change important details  (youtube.com)

(50)

This's week's SHMHC brings you back to 1985 with Circle of the Tyrants from metal gods Celtic Frost. Come for metal as it was meant to be played. Stay for upside down cross faced guy in the crowd (you can't miss him)  (youtube.com)

(87)

		Dalai Lama warned that Chinese are training Tibetan women to poison him with their hair  (telegraph.co.uk)	(101)
		Let's run down the list of activities where your colleagues are likely to shoot you and themselves, shall we? Fighting a war, being a cop, selling dietary supplements, hunting deer, dealing drugs, wait, what?  (washingtonpost.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)		Super hot school secretary got violated by 16 year old student (with you would hit that like...like....)  (ksl.com)	(149)

An incredibly detailed look at Internet marketing scams, and it won't even cost you $5 a month  (boingboing.net)

(60)

		Singer hospitalized after banging head on tour bus. That is *SO* metal \m/  (upi.com)	(73)
(Courier-Journal)		Thieves go meta, hijack truck containing books about a truck hijacking  (courier-journal.com)	(22)
(Some Guy)		Why computers are awesome: Medicare inspectors were able to uncover $5.6 billion in potential fraud by running a statistical analysis on all 1 billion prescriptions filled at retail pharmacies that were billed to Medicare last year  (kens5.com)	(77)
		Network to air political drama about a philandering former President of the United States and his Secretary of State ex-wife. Fark: Network insists the series is fictional  (dailymail.co.uk)	(15)
		Here, take this amphetamine and another drug that removes your need for sleep, and let's see what that does to your sense of humor  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(19)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 366: "Happy Farktography Anniversary 7". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(139)

Democrats are mad at George Soros for spending $100m to get them elected. On page two, details of hell freezing over  (nytimes.com)

(13)

		Retail investors lining up to lose money on Facebook IPO  (bloomberg.com)	(36)
		Details of Helen Keller's secret love life revealed. I did not see that coming  (huffingtonpost.com)	(122)

(Some Guy)		Candidate Johnson, formerly Governor Johnson, finds his effort to become President Johnson opposed by Secretary of State Johnson  (ballot-access.org)	(84)
		Occupy Cleveland would like you to know that the would-be bridge bombers were fringe members totally not connected to their group, except for the tiny detail that one of them signed the lease for their warehouse  (cleveland.com)	(214)

If Mozart were alive today to see this death metal drummer tackle his 25th symphony, a) he wouldn't be spinning in his grave, b) he'd envy Beethoven his deafness, c) he'd bang his head till his wig fell off  (youtube.com)

(68)

(Some Guy)		Top 10 metal albums of 2012 (so far). What does the list fail without, or is this just a bad year for metal?  (loudwire.com)	(147)
		Suggested retail price for five days in a DEA cell without water is $20 million. Let the bidding commence  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(167)
		Who was the best Obi-Wan? Alec Guiness? Evan McGregor? Then you haven't seen the Redd Foxx interpretation. Bonus: Marie Osmond as Leia and Paul Lynde as Grand Moff Tarkin  (neatorama.com)	(56)
		♫ Soft cheetah, tame cheetah, little puff of fur. Happy tourist, angry cheetah, maul, maul, maul  (dailymail.co.uk)	(115)

		Becoming a vegetarian is the healthiest thing you can do for your body, as long as you don't mind an increased risk of colorectal cancer, lower bone mineral density, and insufficient levels of Omega-3 Fatty Acid  (mnn.com)	(176)
		Munch's "The Scream" sells for $119 million. If only there were an apt visual metaphor which expressed the extreme consternation and surprise appropriate for such a sum being offered for a bit of pigment squiggled onto paper  (thedailybeast.com)	(120)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 365: "Wow! Nice Wood!" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(179)

(Bangkok Post)		Thai workers: "We need a 300-baht minimum daily wage next year." Thai official: "What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn baht man"  (bangkokpost.com)	(21)
		Bryce Harper spends his first MLB day off seeing if he can hit a softball over the Washington Monument using a metal bat during an adult rec slow-pitch game. Fark: Swing and a miss. W/ video  (sports.yahoo.com)	(16)
		Where is the mainstream media's coverage of the shocking "memo" issued by nine state attorneys general detailing 21 specific violations of law by the Obama administration?  (townhall.com)	(142)

		Benjamin Netanyahu's father, Yoda Netanyahu, has died. (PIC)  (nytimes.com)	(154)
		"The store randomly shuts down once you step inside" -- and seven other things Microsoft didn't copy from Apple Retail Stores  (teamcoco.com)	(127)

(Some Guy)

When robbing a store for diapers and beer, be advised that some cab drivers will NOT drive you on your getaway (with Son, you got a panty on your head picture goodness)  (salem-nh.patch.com)

(40)

Student uses cell phone camera to document important high school events: Homecoming dance, Senior prom, ex-principal passionately kissing ex-school secretary  (dailymail.co.uk)

(81)

		The Farktographers made the mistake of letting you pick what they shoot in the upcoming Scavenger Hunt theme. Details in first post. LGT Farktography discussion thread  (farktography.net)	(133)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 364: "Off Kilter". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(127)

		Some of the Secret Service Agents did not have sex with the hookers because they were too drunk. Also, Secret Service Agents on Bill Clinton's detail went to a Brazilian strip club, though that was part of their protective duties   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(64)
		Aljazeera.com details the latest patent wars and uses Drew's TED talk as an example of how to defend against them  (stream.aljazeera.com)	(0)

Is geekiness just a sign of autism? Subby doesn't know, but would love to sit down and explain to you in minute detail the history of the Pre-Crisis DC Universe  (geekout.blogs.cnn.com)

(35)

		Metallica: "We'd love to play Glastonbury." Glastonbury:  (nme.com)	(125)
		Scarlett Johansson loves chicken wings. More on this story as details come in  (thesuperficial.com)	(40)
(WDTN.com)		Bad: leading cops on a chase. Worse: clinging to side of getaway van during chase. Even worse: getting bit in the ass by a police dog. Fark: having all caught on camera  (wdtn.com)	(27)
		Winner of Best New Chef 2011 award is former vegetarian who learned how to cook animals nose-to-tail and is now devoted carnivore with all his heart, liver, and tongue  (bbc.co.uk)	(18)
(Some Guy)		Bad: Getting arrested for stealing scrap metal. Worse: Getting arrested for stealing scrap metal twice in one day. Fark: Posing for this picture after getting arrested  (norwichbulletin.com)	(36)

		Deep investigative reporting, in-depth analysis and every single detail about how Obama will take the 2012 election  (washingtonpost.com)	(77)
(Palm Beach New Times)		Everything you need to know about Mitt Romney can be summed up by this article detailing his stint with Bain Capital  (browardpalmbeach.com)	(373)

		Tossing mud balls containing flower and vegetable seeds into vacant lots is the "cool" and "radical" way to prove you're a revolutionary, bomb-throwing hipster  (denverpost.com)	(200)
(TorrentFreak)		Months after the military raid and seizures of its assets... turns out the MegaUpload case may never go to trial at all because the FBI forgot the little detail that it's illegal to sue a foreign company in the US  (torrentfreak.com)	(156)

		Sarah Palin comments on the Secret Service scandal. Of course, when she's not objectifying the First Lady or painting the entire protection detail with a broad brush, she's joking about how Barack Obama eats dogs  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(166)
		There might be a break in the Etan Patz case, the original "milk carton kid" who went missing in 1979  (dailymail.co.uk)	(62)
		One of the Secret Service agents in the middle of the Colombian prostitution scandal was part of Sarah Palin's detail, and he often joked about checking her out  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(191)
		Diablo 3 has an open beta. That's good. It's lasting only three days. That's bad. You can download it right now for when it starts at 3 today. That's good. It's a server stress test. That's bad. Can I go home now?  (aggrogate.com)	(171)
		British warned that metals used in new coins may rot their skin  (scotsman.com)	(39)

		New iPhone may contain Liquidmetal, have an app for tracking Sarah Connor  (wired.com)	(87)
		Michelle Obama's claim that poor urban neighborhoods are food deserts, bereft of fresh fruits and vegetables has been found to be pretty much bullshiat by the right wing fascists at the New York Times  (nytimes.com)	(310)
(Tech Dirt)		Tech Dirt details Drew's TED talk and applauds his winning a non-disclosure clause  (techdirt.com)	(0)
		PETA thinks that Obama should get a pass for eating dogs. I mean he's the messiah, his touching it elevated the dog to a higher plane of existence  (dailycaller.com)	(197)
		The only thing more crazy than crazy at NRA conventions are the number of Obama assassination jokes -"which is another word for extreme, and in the gun context, possibly insane - interpretation of the Second Amendment"  (mediamatters.org)	(302)
		Researchers turning cell phones into devices that can see through walls and other solid objects. Oh yes, that will be just spifferistic awesometastic  (sciencedaily.com)	(11)
		Former "House" star poses nude for PETA ad. Not her. No, not her, either. Thankfully, it's HER  (huffingtonpost.com)	(116)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 363: "Sun in Frame". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(175)

The technical details behind 2Pac's holographic illusion, with video of Al Gore, Madonna, Richard Branson and some dude from Canada doing the same thing  (arstechnica.com)

(48)

		Tips for aspiring thieves: 1) Bring a getaway car so you don't have to steal one when cops are running after you, 2) leave your bong at home, and 3) take something more valuable than frozen fish  (blogs.tcpalm.com)	(43)
(Some Carwash)		Not news: Times are tough and budgets are tight. News: Group planning car wash and bake sale to raise money. Fark: For the NASA planetary exploration budget  (boulder.swri.edu)	(12)

Secret Service agents on the Obama detail relieved of duty after relieving their duty with Colombian prostitutes  (guardian.co.uk)

(195)

(jmonty)		Subby was a guitarist in a metal band in the early 90's called Lovecraft Symphony. Go back in time and Photoshop us so that we would have made it big (Subby 2nd from right). No holds barred  (i415.photobucket.com)	(51)
		The problem with the "Buffett Rule" isn't that Warren Buffett's secretary pays more in tax than he does, it's that she's being called a "secretary" instead of an "administrative assistant"  (edition.cnn.com)	(291)
(Some Guy)		Joss Whedon uses Avengers movie premiere to shoot the final scene of Avengers. Meta  (filmschoolrejects.com)	(82)

		US Customs begins waging war on drugs in the classified advertisements of Mexican newspapers. Horrified editors look on as Marmaduke is recruited by Los Zetas and savagely mauls Dolly, Jeffy, and PJ  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(49)
		Severed right arm from 1862 Battle of Antietam donated to Civil War Museum. Records indicate there was nothing left  (dailymail.co.uk)	(49)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 362: "Watercraft" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest  (farktography.net)	(155)

(BattleSwarm)		"Thomas Kinkade was hated because he was liked by the wrong kinds of people: the loathsome Lumpenproletariat of flyover country, the people who had the bad taste to believe in God and vote Republican"  (battleswarmblog.com)	(284)
		Titanic is out of print on DVD and retailing for $50, which is apparently a nationwide crisis or something  (npr.org)	(72)

It's Easter, so here's some Christian Metal for your SMHC: Prog-Trash band Believer rocks your blessed socks off with "Sanity Obscure"  (youtube.com)

(58)

		Playboy bunny Sheridyn Fisher is in a photoshoot. That's good. The photoshoot is for PETA. That's bad. She's wearing a bikini made out of lettuce. That's good. The lettuce contains E-Coli bacteria. That's bad  (mirror.co.uk)	(60)
		When PETA targets Kanye West, it's hard to know who to cheer for  (mnn.com)	(76)

AT&T, Verizon and Sprint are making money selling wiretaps on cellphones. Bonus: Here are the prices they charge  (forbes.com)

(30)

Theme of Farktography Contest No. 361: "Pinholes, Lomos & Holgas, Oh My!" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)

(107)

PETA purchases personalized brick at new baseball stadium that contains hidden message. Subby can't believe he's actually impressed by something PETA did  (610wiod.com)

(251)

Identity thieves around the world crash the website featuring details of the 1940 Census  (telegraph.co.uk)

(47)

Media poses the question: "Has PETA gone crazy?" Which makes no sense, since as far as anyone can tell they've never been sane to begin with  (thedailybeast.com)

(54)

Photoshop this massive Tibetan mastiff  (cdn.theatlantic.com)

(26)

Listen, your son died on a secret space station at the hands of a 7 foot tall assassin with metal teeth trying to save the world from a mad scientist's evil plot. What's so hard to understand about that?  (foxnews.com)

(110)

Theme of Farktography Contest No. 360: "Farktography Recipe Book". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)

(99)

(Some Guy)

"Guys having a beer after their start has been going on for the last 100 years. This is retarded"  (cbssports.com)

(144)

Popular "Junk" food contains more antioxidants than fruit, vegetables. Grab some popcorn, it's gonna be a knock-em-down, drag-em out fight  (sciencedaily.com)

(171)

U.S. Transportation Secretary says honk at drivers using cell phones  (mercurynews.com)

(190)

The Weekly Standard notes that Obama used the same metaphor to praise three different allies. Obviously this makes Ernest Hemingway retroactively president, and Obama has to take remedial Creative Writing at community college in Kenya  (weeklystandard.com)

(113)

		Protip: When you're out stealing 700 pounds of scrap metal, don't butt-dial 911  (courant.com)	(17)
		Facebook doesn't want you to let potential employers violate your privacy and know every detail about your life. That's their job, dammit  (gizmodo.com)	(84)
		19-year old entrepreneur has developed a thriving business selling a product that retails for hundreds of dollars and ounce, but unlike most people who fit this description, he has no fear of the DEA kicking in his front door  (news.yahoo.com)	(117)
		Iowa hopes to retard the insensitive use of words to describe people by amending the law  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)	(127)

		Apparently Jerry Sandusky's admission of guilt to one of his alleged victims' mothers wasn't a detail worth mentioning to the case investigator  (pennlive.com)	(60)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 359: "Curves 2: Recurves". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(152)

Those sexually explicit emails I sent my secretary were all part of a brilliant plan to expose corruption. You should all be thanking me  (indystar.com)

(107)

		This week SHMHC brings you a slab of traditional metal with a lead singer that can really wail. It's Huntress with Eight of Swords  (youtube.com)	(27)
		More and more retailers and manufacturers are putting an end to coupons, meaning people aren't saving $1 off that $7 3-pack of Kleenex  (sun-sentinel.com)	(181)

		Scientists declare planetary emergency, demand deployment of cloud-whitening technology to arctic  (bbc.co.uk)	(377)
		Remote-controlled robot survives encounter with lion. There's a heavy metal song in this, I'm sure of it  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(15)

		I said, SIGN LANGUAGE MAKES HEAVY METAL MUSIC SOUND BETTER  (thelocal.se)	(29)
(KJRH)		"Court documents detail the children were allegedly paddled regularly, forced to eat horse manure, forced to perform sex acts, fed bar soap and cayenne pepper and forced to vomit food and eat it off the floor"  (kjrh.com)	(228)
(Some Guy)		KISS and Motley Crue to tour together in 2012. Potential tour sponsors include Viagra, Geritol, Metamucil, and the all new Buick Regal, available in white and offering optional checkered hat  (ultimateclassicrock.com)	(36)

Theme of Farktography Contest No. 358: "Legos". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)

(69)

		Possible "suicide attack bid" on US Defense Secretary Leon Panetta after car on runway at Camp Bastion in Afghanistan bursts into flames. Will be a confirmed terror attack if the vehicle was not a Pinto  (thesun.co.uk)	(141)
		Gourmet space food of the future. From a spirulina martini to a vegetable taboulé, this is how we will be eating on the way to a galaxy far far away  (humansinvent.com)	(9)
		Energy Secretary Steven Chu would like you to know that he no longer thinks high gas prices are a good thing  (foxnews.com)	(374)

		Subby is not sure which is stranger: that there is a such thing as a "The Christian rap metal band," or that a high school brought them in to force girls to chant a mantra about virginity  (washingtonpost.com)	(245)
		Family makes instruments out of vegetables to see what sort of music they can produce  (wtam.com)	(41)
		Secretary Panetta announces that the US soldier who murdered 16 Afghans could face the death penalty  (cnn.com)	(381)
		Are you team Katniss or team Peeta? Hunger Games tracking to have bigger opening weekend than that one about the angsty emo vampires  (movies.yahoo.com)	(233)

(Asbury Park Press)		You might be embellishing your Vietnam war record if the "Medal of Valor" you received came from a hunting club in Tucson and all your service details are "classified" because you were a spy  (app.com)	(104)
		The most detailed map of the Game of Thrones world yet  (io9.com)	(27)
		When Netanyahu gave Obama the Book of Esther as a gift, the message was only slightly less subtle than if he had constructed a massive neon billboard with the message "Mr. President, please help me destroy Iran before they destroy us"  (csmonitor.com)	(235)
		School administrators claim its reasonable to detain a 12-year-old with the police until she gives up her Facebook password and they can read all her private content  (cnn.com)	(252)

		When choosing "moped" as your getaway vehicle, do not be shocked when the police catch up to you mere blocks from the 7-11 you just robbed  (wvec.com)	(34)
		Peyton Manning sweepstakes Power Rankings. We've just gone to full retard   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(93)
		Hot binary action. See close-up video of twin stars so young, they haven't even developed a planetary system. Bonus: they wink for the camera  (youtube.com)	(18)
		Pregnant Snooki learns three new words: Fetal alcohol syndrome  (dailymail.co.uk)	(164)
		When Republican congressmen testify that they never supported green energy loans and never asked Secretary Chu to speed up their approval in their states, they mean never in their *hearts*, not in, like, reality or anything  (usatoday.com)	(55)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 357: "Instant Inspiration" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest  (farktography.net)	(52)

Mitt Romney is the Galactus of the GOP primaries, apparently because he has the power to consume and drain the life out of everything he touches on a planetary scale  (slate.com)

(63)

		Watch as the baseline model for future hunter-killer drones...err I mean the DARPA cheetah sets a land-speed record for quadruped robots at 18 miles per hour  (youtube.com)	(77)
		Huntsville, AL to reduce fluoride in drinking water to prevent "cancer, Alzheimer's, ADHD, reduced IQ in children, dental and skeletal fluorosis, as well as hypothyroidism"  (blog.al.com)	(151)

Proposed US law bans protesting near anyone who rates a Secret Service detail, even if you don't know where he is, or if it is even there  (boingboing.net)

(140)

"Netanyahu is expected to publicly harden his line against Iran during a meeting with Barack Obama." ( •_•)⌐■-■ Well, that might stiffen into into a.... (⌐■_■) sticky situation  (haaretz.com)

(443)

		GM stop production of the Chevy Volt because A. $41k pricetag B. $41k pricetag C. $41k pricetag  (jalopnik.com)	(95)
(Some Guy)		"In all our years of investigating cases of fly tipping none of us have ever come across a 12 foot metal gorilla"  (cambstimes.co.uk)	(33)
		Mattress retailer pulls advertisements from Rush Limbaugh's show over Slutgate  (dailymail.co.uk)	(361)

(Some Guy)		Don't return to the bank you just failed to rob to withdraw cab fare for your getaway  (abclocal.go.com)	(9)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 356: "Parking Lots" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(138)

		A group of teens on a golf course blast an air horn right as a couple of old farts are about to tee off. Old farts hunt down teens and gouge them with metal golf ball retrievers. Somewhere, Al Czervik is smiling  (nwfdailynews.com)	(204)
		US Secretary of homeland security says the War on Drugs in Mexico is not a failure, presumably while sitting in a pool of water so her pants don't spontaneously combust  (cnn.com)	(36)
		Government builds $750k soccer field to keep youth off the street and getting in trouble. HA. Just kidding. It's for Guantanamo detainees  (foxnews.com)	(222)

		Good samaritan receives metal after rescuing sexual assault victim  (news.com.au)	(78)
		Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano says the war on drugs in Mexico "is not a failure." Sort of makes you wonder what she's smoking  (cnn.com)	(268)
(TV Geek Army)		History Channel's latest "history" show: competition-based reality show Full Metal Jousting, where dudes with Southern twangs try to maim each other while wearing medieval-type garb  (tvgeekarmy.com)	(101)
		If you're going to use hacksaws in your detention center metal shop you might want to screen the inmates a little more carefully when they leave  (news.com.au)	(4)

It's okay to be convicted of three felony counts of voter fraud if you're the Republican Secretary of State and chief election official of Indiana  (salon.com)

(61)

		Published documents show that PETA killed more than 95 percent of pets in its care in 2011  (dailycaller.com)	(215)
		Students of taxpayer-funded elementary charter school enjoy a very merry Scientology Christmas. Some thetans have a problem with this  (tampabay.com)	(40)
		TSA once again captures a dangerous terrorist. Just kidding. They left a metal detector unmanned and had to shut down a terminal  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(46)

It wasn't the kidnapping, the hose nozzle gun, or the screeching getaway when you left the school. IT WAS THE GOD DAMN CLOWN COSTUME THAT CROSSED THE LINE, headmaster  (dailymail.co.uk)

(16)

		After reporting a $2.4 billion fourth-quarter loss, Sears Holdings announces plans to again rearrange the metaphorical Titanic deck chairs, says it will sell off its hardware outlets and preexisting stores in malls nationwide  (latimes.com)	(48)
		Detailer describes how it takes four weeks to finish one car. As expected, he glosses right over the price  (liveleak.com)	(16)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 355: "Noir: Embrace Your Dark Side". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(104)

Professional liar...um...White House press secretary, says that Obama did not turn down the Keystone Pipeline. It was reverse vampires  (realclearpolitics.com)

(154)

(Poor Zack)		Rose petals blow lightly in the breeze as tears fall one by one to the canvas. A man sits sadly in the friend zone. Will he remain forever alone? Find out on a very special edition of Raw, tonight at 9 on USA  (wwe.com)	(2833)
(Some Guy)		Lamar Smith (R-etard), creator of SOPA, is at it again with his new bill HR 1981, also known as "Protecting Kittens From Harm Act"  (articles.businessinsider.com)	(115)
		Planning the getaway from your next armed robbery? Make sure your wheelchair is equipped to handle the sand  (tampabay.com)	(13)

(Some Guy)

Columnist believes that a My Little Pony episode was a thinly veiled metaphor for teaching children to appreciate waiting for high quality Apple products  (gottabemobile.com)

(106)

(CBPP)		Less than 10% of entitlement spending goes toward societal leeches' binges on drugs and plasma screens  (cbpp.org)	(217)
(Some Guy)		Here, let me explain to you how the economy isn't really recovering with this series of increasingly nonsensical and uninterpretable graphs (accomplishment unlocked: Tears of Tufte)  (minyanville.com)	(82)

		Teen steals tomato plant, thinking it was a pot plant. You say tomato I say retarded  (wesh.com)	(100)
		Tokyo rabbit cafe smash hit with stressed-out Japanese. "'I came here during my break to relax,' said a smiling woman in her late 20s as she fed fresh vegetables to some of the rabbits"  (japantimes.co.jp)	(50)
		Controversial PETA ad claims going vegan may make you so good in bed "you'll injure your girlfriend". Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this  (dailymail.co.uk)	(140)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 354: "Places of Worship". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(161)

Obama's budget heading to Congress where it will [insert your own metaphor for a slow painful death here]  (wrcbtv.com)

(98)

This prog rock/black metal mash is sure to wake the great old ones. Ia Ia SHMHC Fhtagn  (youtube.com)

(34)

Sarah Palin's CPAC keynote: "Time to drain the jacuzzi and throw the bums out with the bathwater." If she mixes any more metaphors, the early bird will grow moss on a penny earned  (mediaite.com)

(203)

		I think we already have a winner for Worst Business Metaphor of the Year: "In many ways, the Chipotle burrito is very similar to the iPhone"  (slate.com)	(128)
		WORLD FARK PARTY II: Mar 30 - Apr 1 in Las Vegas - see comments for details  (fark.com)	(355)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 353: "Apples vs. Oranges 2: The Rematch." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(83)

		The pilot of thoroughbred horse racing drama Luck on HBO was missing the traditional ASPCA "no animals were harmed during the filming of this program" blessing. PETA thought you ought to know there's a reason for that  (insidetv.ew.com)	(91)
		"You got me red-handed," bank robber actually tells officer after dye packs explode all over his getaway car  (wptv.com)	(29)
(nbc philadelphia)		Animal slavery trial of PETA against Sea World begins. Shamu reportedly hires a real shark for a lawyer  (nbcphiladelphia.com)	(132)

		You know what would make that horrible Star Wars trailer better? Death metal  (aggrogate.com)	(46)
		Five killer whales named as plaintiffs in court case which argues they deserve the same constitutional protection from slavery as humans. SeaWorld: "Cetacean needed"  (bbc.co.uk)	(55)

(My Northwest)		Amazon hopes to satisfy customers that enjoy long lines, crowded parking lots, and surly retail clerks  (mynorthwest.com)	(28)
		You know your ex is a committed stalker if he wants to win back your heart by kidnapping you using a plan that's so detailed it's 23 pages long, has maps and photos and even a code name: "Operation Stitches"  (palmbeachpost.com)	(124)

(Some Guy)

NBC/Universal's detailed TV schedule for Super Bowl Sunday. Or, "when to make a beer run." (hint: "Nick Cannon hosts stars of NBC shows and Universal films on the red carpet")  (channelguidemagblog.com)

(26)

Further proving that liberals are wholly responsible for voter fraud, the Republican Indiana Secretary State has been personally convicted of six charges of voter fraud   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)

(142)

		Leaked plan from Microsoft details the next version of Windows Phone. It's pretty much full of win  (engadget.com)	(86)
		Brad Pitt gives soda to his children. More on this story as details come in  (thesuperficial.com)	(43)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 352: "Go out and get some strange" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest  (farktography.net)	(120)

Spider's detachable penis finishes without him. This comes in handy a lot of the time  (msnbc.msn.com)

(26)

Six painful things nobody tells you about fighting, in blow-by-blow detail  (cracked.com)

(227)

		A careful, point-by-point analysis of why Newt's moon base idea is pants-on-head retarded  (slate.com)	(226)
(Some Guy)		More lemmings last summer mean more snow owls on the hunt today. No, this is not a metaphor for the political scene in America  (battlecreekenquirer.com)	(29)

		This week's Mugshot Roundup features some retarded tattoos, a bunch of drunks, plenty of mustache wax, and someone who keeps a disorderly house  (thesmokinggun.com)	(108)
		This week's karaoke edition SHMHC brings you the black metal band with the evocative name that evokes goats... and whores. It's Goatwhore, with Collapse in Eternal Worth  (youtube.com)	(21)
		This just in: retailers will pay people to write positive reviews of their products  (consumerist.com)	(35)

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