Headlines matching 'ET'
Sun February 12, 2012
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If iconic literary characters were given the police sketch treatment. Subby would still tap Emma Bovary (shortlist.com)
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Let's drink the ancient berserker crunk juice of kings and dash off to Valhalla (gizmodo.com)
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This prog rock/black metal mash is sure to wake the great old ones. Ia Ia SHMHC Fhtagn (youtube.com)
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If I ever lose my arm, I would want my prosthetic one made from LEGO (gizmodo.com)
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"He says too many Americans lean on taxpayers, yet depends on a federal subsidy called the earned-income tax credit. He signed up his 3 kids to eat free meals at federal expense. And Medicare paid for his mom's hip surgery twice" (nytimes.com)
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What's better than some drinks that make people question your sexuality? Cookies (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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| (U Mad Tho) |
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The stretch boat limo van, in case you need to travel amphibiously and in style (umadtho.com)
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Obama asserts that the Soviet Union's Constitution is better than our Constitution. THIS IS AN OUTR-wait.... Obama didn't say that, but Scalia did? Never mind then (thinkprogress.org)
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| (NME) |
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Michael Keaton approaches Seth Graeme-Smith, who is writing the Beetlejuice sequel, to reprise his role (nme.com)
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Get out your 1966 Vox Continental organ and wish Ray Manzarek a happy birthday (youtube.com)
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Websites for no-strings-attached gay sex get a huge upswing in traffic, self loathing, during CPAC (wonkette.com)
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Bad: After leaving US Army nine years ago, veteran arrested for being AWOL finally gets discharge paperwork straightened out. Fark: He's not the only discharged vet with outstanding AWOL warrants (stripes.com)
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Impromptu Fark meetup on Sunday evening for Houston Farkers. DIT when I get around to it, biatches (fark.com)
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It is the most watched match in global football broadcasting. It is the biggest match in England, between the two most hated rivals in English football history. It's Man United v Liverpool in this week's EPL thread. There will be blood (dailymail.co.uk)
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Texas woman induces labor two weeks early so her dying husband could hold the baby. Get ready cause the dust is thick in this one (news.yahoo.com)
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Ahmed Best talks about a deleted Jar Jar Binks scene that really would have redeemed his character and made a huge difference in The Phantom Menace (insidemovies.ew.com)
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No matter what he tells you, letting a man feel your breasts during a private, one-on-one meeting is not one of AA's twelve steps (denverpost.com)
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Sat February 11, 2012
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"The mining project gives Joe something to do during those long Saskatchewan winters" just about sums up this article (autos.sympatico.ca)
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| (Some Interviewer) |
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Veteran NBA observer Metta World Peace assesses Jeremy Lin, advises him to play at Rucker, get better haircut, wear leather pants, read Newsday and the WSJ, and come to practice lit (ken-berger.blogs.cbssports.com)
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Totally cool picture, totally bizarre "journalism:" "It's a sight of San Francisco fortunate to today's residents to have yet to be seen again, especially from the eyes of a simple high-flying kite" (dailymail.co.uk)
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Five reporters at a Newcorp owned newspaper arrested over bribing public officials. The Sun will be there once it gets bail money (bbc.co.uk)
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When is it okay to kill a zombie? Let's ask CDC spokesman David Daigle (io9.com)
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Sarah Palin's CPAC keynote: "Time to drain the jacuzzi and throw the bums out with the bathwater." If she mixes any more metaphors, the early bird will grow moss on a penny earned (mediaite.com)
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Padres fans want to know if they've been hoodwinked, bamboozled, or were flim-flammed on the construction of Petco Field (no seriously, those words are all in the article) (utsandiego.com)
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Tired of leaving voice mails at 3:00 AM of you breathing heavily? Now there's a card for you to send your Valentine that's still playing hard to get (foxnews.com)
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Bill Murray's competing in the Pebble Beach Pro-Am while wearing a ghillie suit and punting footballs. That's normal (w/video) (deadspin.com)
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| (Some Retiree) |
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The most amazing photos of a 'cloud tsunami' hitting Florida condos you'll see until you get old and move there (travel.aol.co.uk)
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Shockingly, that towering icon of civic virtue, competence, and incorruptibility, former New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin is apparently under investigation by the FBI (news.yahoo.com)
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"Star Trek: The Original Series is the one time Hollywood got conservative ideas right." Yeah, pretty sure Republicans weren't too happy about the interracial kiss or sparing the Halkans (bighollywood.breitbart.com)
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| (Some keep the fark off me Guy) |
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How completely lame do you have to be to bill yourself as "The Piggyback Bandit?" Ask this guy (kstp.com)
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New Orleans Mardi Gras parade organizers finding new, creative ways to get women to flash their boobies (nola.com)
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Gizmodo thanks FARK for the tip about a penetrating jewelery store heist (gizmodo.com)
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What's next up for Obama? Get rid of that pesky little second amendment thingie. Of course, did you think otherwise? (washingtontimes.com)
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| (Some gun-totin' dad) |
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Remember that Dad who shot up his daughter's laptop? This released statement should tell you whether he's a good father or just a prick (litefm.com)
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Man gets thrown out of pub by another customer for smoking. Since this is Fark, you'd better believe he came back into the pub with a chainsaw (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some DAM) |
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Pot calls kettle black (usmagazine.com)
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| (bad jocks) |
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High school coaching 101: Pulling down the warm up pants of your basketball players is not a good practical joke. Especially if they're female. Especially if they're not wearing their shorts (badjocks.com)
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Going from life on the streets as a feral to being a Blue Ribbon winner is not easy - but as Tank the cat will tell you, it's a long way to the top if you wanna rock 'n roll on Caturday (oregonlive.com)
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Cutest clip of a grizzly bear cub and a wolf cub playing together you'll see all day (courant.com)
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Fri February 10, 2012
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Peyton Manning's face in NFL logos. Yes, it's just as creepy and unsettling as it sounds (sportsgrid.com)
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BAD: getting caught in a landslide while hiking. WORSE: getting struck by lightning while trying to avoid getting caught in a landslide while hiking (abc.net.au)
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Get this: according to recently departed Susan G. Komen exec. Karen Handel, Planned Parenthood is a "bully" that broke a "ladies' agreement" to keep quiet about their funding cut (thedailybeast.com)
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A first look at the Tesla model X all-electric SUV. Sweeeet (abcnews.go.com)
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While Mitt, Santorum and Newt are busy ripping each other apart, Ron Paul is quietly amassing delegates. Stop snickering (slate.com)
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| (Some Virginal Guy) |
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Captain Picard, meet the Doctor. Doctor, meet Captain Picard (blastr.com)
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As the money from the Foreclosure settlement is dispersed to the states, homeowners across the country can expect to see some financial relief at last...unless you live in Wisconsin (thinkprogress.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for writing 'bomb' on some toilet paper. "His family says the word 'bomb' is often used by Hadley in reference to a bodily function and not an explosive device" (wlox.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chachi plans to write tell-all book about every starlet he made 'sit on it' (guyspeed.com)
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Get ready, it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz. #suckitBBC (fark.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farker spidermann named a video game and gets his own press release. Suggest better game names to the right (futurlab.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Paul and Storm request your help to petition the NFL to have Weird Al Yankovic perform the SuperBowl Halftime show next year (change.org)
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During the Super Bowl did you notice the new retractable roof at Lucas Oil Stadium? How about the gigantic scoreboard? How about the sniper's nest above the end zone? Wait ... what? (deadspin.com)
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| (msnbc) |
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IRS updates their smartphone app. Will now check your tax return and immediately tell how much jail time you can realistically expect to serve (lifeinc.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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High school basketball team up 40-5 shows real class with last second full court pass and dunk (youtube.com)
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At CPAC, speakers warn about the greatest threats to the America they love, like Obama, the Deficit, Obama, Iran, Obama, and, of course, low-flow toilets: " 'We Are a nation of Double Flushers' one Congressman cried" (washingtonpost.com)
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It's 106 miles to Moscow, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we have a Tiger tank. Hit it (liveleak.com)
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Mets GM Sandy Alderson finally starts a Twitter account. First tweet: "Big fundraiser tonight for gas money" (sports.yahoo.com)
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Rick Santorum believes that women should not be in combat because combat is stressful and they might, like, get all hysterical and emotional and maybe break a nail or something. Also, it's hard to get them pregnant in body armor (washingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mr. Plinkett retrofits his Phantom Menace critique for 3D. (Put on your glasses now) OMG THE PIZZA ROLLS ARE COMING RIGHT AT US (redlettermedia.com)
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Nearly 1 in 20 U.S. adults over 50 has fake knees; no stats available yet on the number of sharp knees (news.yahoo.com)
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You may want to rethink marrying any guy who offers you a Pizza Hut wedding proposal (foxnews.com)
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Michael Vick named America's most disliked athlete in what was surely a dogfight (philly.com)
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| (KABC-7) |
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Authorities announce Madonna stalker walked away from mental hospital a week ago. Still probably couldn't afford Superbowl tickets (abclocal.go.com)
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Vietnamese police trying to force farmer off his land find out the hard way that the war wasn't all that long ago, and guerilla warfare is apparently like riding a bicycle (abcnews.go.com)
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| (Bert & Ernie) |
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"Sunny Day, sweeping the Taliban away." U.S. turns to Sesame Street to influence Pakistan (courier-journal.com)
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Olympics-bound female Afghani athlete doesn't play team sports, but you should see her box (news.yahoo.com)
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If Mitt Romney gets elected, we will no doubt see plural marriages legalized and Mitt will marry Newt's ugly exwife (huffingtonpost.com)
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Gorbachev targets Putin, having long ago demonstrated immunity to polonium by virtue of his Great Lakes shaped birthmark (smh.com.au)
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If you had any doubts about Christie Brinkley being the hottest 58-year-old on the planet, this should finally settle all arguments (dailymail.co.uk)
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The real class war in this country isn't between rich and poor, it's between the educated and the mouth-breathers. Or, as they say in scientific circles, "same damn thing" (nytimes.com)
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Tennis pro Arantxa Sanchez Vicario says $60 million in career earnings are gone, alleges parents' racket took her net profit (sports.yahoo.com)
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So what's the big deal about the upcoming iPad3? Wait, let me rephrase that. "Siri, what's the big deal about the upcoming iPad3?" (blogs.computerworld.com)
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According to the scienticians at Philly's leading newspaper, younger women who like guys with money and older men who like younger women can now meet on the internet (philly.com)
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Smart chimp solves complex memory puzzles in 60-milliseconds, might be Caesar from Planet of the Apes (techeblog.com)
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| (Sports Illustrated) |
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Peyton Manning has made a complete and full recovery from neck surgery, except for that pesky "unable to throw a football" issue, (tracking.si.com)
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Man arrested for felony domestic violence for putting a 3-year-old child in a clothes dryer for punishment. (w/pic of cretin who looks like he went through the dryer himself) (myfoxdc.com)
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$5.2b Tappan Zee project gets bids from four qualified contractors, who will keep the $7.1 billion project within its $8.9 billion budget in five years, at which point the $13 billion bridge will cost an estimated $19.6 billion (blogs.wsj.com)
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| (Topless Robot) |
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The thirty best retellings of Superman's origins. If only there were a color of Kryptonite that could make Superman less boring (toplessrobot.com)
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World's largest collection of rare liquors on sale for $8 million. In completely unrelated news, TotalFark subscriptions to rise to $10/month for some damn reason (upi.com)
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How to get laid at CPAC. No, really (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Dedication can often overcome incompetence, but if you've already been shot with your own gun, you probably shouldn't try a second burglary that night (indianagazette.com)
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What would you do with an empty hospital? BTW, the winning idea gets a million dollars (buffalonews.com)
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Charles Barkley is unhappy with the decision to make Steve Nash the oldest point guard ever to play in the NBA All-Star game. "Clearly, we gave him a lifetime achievement award" (azcentral.com)
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The good news is girls are no longer dumber than boys when it comes to math and science. The bad news: Both sexes are pretty dumb when it comes to math and science (desmoinesregister.com)
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Dear policy holder: Our computers have detected your car moving at an actuarially imprudent speed. Your credit card has been billed for the resulting insurance premium increase (bbc.co.uk)
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The science behind how it feels to get hit in the nuts (ramblingbeachcat.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Six habanero peppers, 15 Mega Warheads, a gallon of milk, Diet Coke and Mentos, a spoonful of cinnamon, and a couple of good kicks to the nuts? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED (killsometime.com)
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Problem: People are beginning to understand how much their private info is worth and thus, are refusing to give it up to Google. Solution: Google will now pay you to track you completely (tech.slashdot.org)
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Are your dreams trying to tell you something, aside from the fact that sleep is where you're a viking? (chicagotribune.com)
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Craig Ferguson close to finalizing a deal to stay at CBS through 2014, ensuring his place as the funniest late-night talk show host on network TV (hollywoodreporter.com)
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| (Some Joe C. Sidekick) |
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Kid Rock steps out from Waffle House melee to refute his Not-Made-In-Detroit clothing line charges; "Let me first start off by cordially inviting you to go f*ck yourself" (kidrock.com)
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Tribler to RIAA and MPAA: "Put this in your pipe and smoke it" The only way to disrupt this file-sharing service, is to shut down the internet (news.com.au)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You put a guy named Skeeter in charge of your charitable fund, of COURSE he's going to blow your money in Vegas (whbf.com)
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Movie star tries to enlist in the Army Air Corps. Rejected. He tries again. Same result. He finally gets in, flies dozens of combat missions, rises from private to full colonel in four years. Where's the movie about THAT? (life.time.com)
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Google Wallet has been hacked again. 0.01% OF EVERYBODY PANIC (gizmodo.com)
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English woman gets flu, loses voice, regains voice, but can only speak in a French accent, immediately surrenders (dailymail.co.uk)
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Thu February 09, 2012
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George Lucas says it's all YOUR fault you couldn't get the Han/Greedo cantina scene right. Greedo ALWAYS shot first, camera angles just prevented you from seeing it that way the first time (movies.ign.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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YDR.com gives a big shout out to: Fark.com is a great thing. We love Fark.com, and the more I mention Fark.com, the better the chance of this appearing on Fark.com (ydr.com)
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People picked randomly from US phonebook would do better than current congress (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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NJ DOT committee presents recommendations on ways to reduce train-related deaths. #1: Stop getting hit by trains (nj.com)
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Another amenity your car is missing: A wood burning stove. Talk to this guy about getting that set up (photoblog.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you think doing your taxes by yourself is confusing, try getting them done at a tax business where somebody put meth in the company coffee (billingsgazette.com)
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I think we already have a winner for Worst Business Metaphor of the Year: "In many ways, the Chipotle burrito is very similar to the iPhone" (slate.com)
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| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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If you ever drop your weed by the side of the road let it go, because man, it's gone, and the cops will find the methadone, opiates and benzodiazepines in your car and bloodstream when they stop to see what you're looking for (greatfallstribune.com)
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| (The Eye) |
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Are girl bands back? Yes. Well, no. They're back, but they're no longer pissed off at you for your unconscious role in a male-dominated patriarchal society (eye.columbiaspectator.com)
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If you fumbled getting your camera back from a fellow Giants fan taking your picture at the Superbowl you might want to click this link (nydailynews.com)
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North Korea's iconic concrete pyramid, the Ryugyong Hotel in Pyongyang, is now covered in mirrored glass and set to open in the spring, only 23 years behind schedule (washingtonpost.com)
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Senators circulating resolution urging Obama not to try anything sensible like trying to "contain" a nuclear-armed Iran diplomatically the way we did the Soviet Union, but instead go straight to the bombs and tanks (news.yahoo.com)
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St. Louis man fatally shot trying to get people to sign a petition to make Missouri safer (stltoday.com)
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WORLD FARK PARTY II: Mar 30 - Apr 1 in Las Vegas - see comments for details (fark.com)
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Over 40 percent of women carry sexy panties in their purse in case a date with somebody other than you goes better than expected (dailymail.co.uk)
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Bachmann calls Santorum win "a shot across the bow," offering up yet another phrase to be sexually redefined by Savage Love and Urban Dictionary (ktvz.com)
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Arizona court forces potential candidate off of city council ballot because her English isn't good enough, setting a dangerous precedent that may leave the entirety of the south ungoverned (news.blogs.cnn.com)
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John Edwards spent $836,000 in 2011 on the primary campaign he dropped in 2008. Now that's determination (sfgate.com)
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Caesars Entertainment IPO opens. Wall Street: All hail (usatoday.com)
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The unintended consequence of the NBA lockout? Proof that a shorter season is much better for players and fans (slate.com)
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Coca-Cola revenue increases, net income drops. Wall Street: That's not soda pressing (usatoday.com)
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| (MacRumors) |
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The most creative company in the world apparently isn't creative enough to come up with a password better than "foxconn2" (macrumors.com)
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When emptying your pockets at a security checkpoint, you might not want to put your pot in the little tray (suntimes.com)
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Attention all: Please join in this protest of Apple's working conditions in hopes to create an "ethical" manufacturing environment - sent from my iPhone (money.cnn.com)
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Because blowing the entire team's budget to acquire single big-name talent has worked so well for them in the past, the Redskins should offer "whatever it takes" to get Peyton Manning. Can Dan Snyder be included in a trade? (washingtonpost.com)
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Gasoline prices expected to spike 60 cents a gallon in next few months on news that Apple is getting all the headlines (usatoday.com)
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Something really gets lost when one translates the whole "jive talking" scene from Airplane into French. You dig, le honkey? (iheartchaos.com)
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| (msnbc) |
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Business 101: Always avoid meetings with time-wasting morons (lifeinc.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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BBC news crew manages to track down and confront racist internet tough guy, who was trolling memorial pages on Facebook (liveleak.com)
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Gaming's greatest romances, which might make sense if you are under 35 and if gaming basically didn't exist before 1990. Lets see if we can come up with a much more accurate list to the right (games.yahoo.com)
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Sometimes you get bored at work. Sometimes you view porn. Protip: Don't view it in the middle of a rape trial when you're the court clerk (nbcbayarea.com)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 353: "Apples vs. Oranges 2: The Rematch." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
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Wed February 08, 2012
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Not sure whether to go with a Mayan calendar joke or cue up General Akbar, but House Republicans have agreed to give Obama line-item veto power (huffingtonpost.com)
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The pilot of thoroughbred horse racing drama Luck on HBO was missing the traditional ASPCA "no animals were harmed during the filming of this program" blessing. PETA thought you ought to know there's a reason for that (insidetv.ew.com)
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Steve Miller going to work for big ol' jet airliner company (kansas.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Judge on the other side of the gavel after dismissing wife's and friends' tickets (fox17online.com)
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You may get arrested if you tell the police your 6 lbs of marijuana has been stolen. Or, the cops may catch the burglars and allow you to sue for the value of the weed (nbcbayarea.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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GM Europe still losing money by the metric ton, may cut several car brands (blogs.detroitnews.com)
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TV anchor learns how not to pet a dog (thedenverchannel.com)
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| (wptv.com) |
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"You got me red-handed," bank robber actually tells officer after dye packs explode all over his getaway car (wptv.com)
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| (Some elLf) |
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Photoshop this ethereal stairway (ellf.ru)
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| (Nine MSN) |
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Courtney Stodden's new casual commercial video looks pretty fishy (celebrities.ninemsn.com.au)
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"Mom? Can we go home?" "Not until we take back the country, sweetie" (slate.com)
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Man returns to house to find squatters with drugs, grenades, and since this is Florida and not New York, a pig (local10.com)
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Wolfman family in India seeks help for their rare genetic affliction, hopes to enlist the aid of Tom Cruise, who has decades of experience dealing with beards (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (nbc philadelphia) |
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Animal slavery trial of PETA against Sea World begins. Shamu reportedly hires a real shark for a lawyer (nbcphiladelphia.com)
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Maximum Trolling - Man claims he actually invented the internet and sues Google, Youtube, Yahoo and Amazon for using his invention (wired.com)
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Paul says GOP result opens up door, hints at getting on floor, may lead to walking of dinosaur (news.yahoo.com)
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Old and busted: Basketball trick shots. New and improved: Bow and arrow trick shots (youtube.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sprint gained, that's right, Sprint gained a net 1.6 million customers last quarter, the best result in 6 years, giving them their highest subscriber base ever. And Sprint lost 1.3 billion dollars last quarter (techcrunch.com)
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American public with Bush as president: WE OPPOSE TORTURE. STOP ENDLESS WARS. CLOSE GITMO. American public with Obama as president: Can we get some torture drones with our Gitmo? (washingtonpost.com)
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Cute girlfriend of New York Giants linebacker Greg Jones gets her own Super Bowl ring during post game celebration (w/video) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Star Wars, nothing but Star Wars, don't let them end. Happy 80th Birthday John Williams (youtube.com)
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| (wistv.com) |
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Bank of America has achieved the pinnacle of capitalism. They can repossess your property, foreclose on your home, and now they can kill you without repercussion. Bow to your corporate overlords and pay tribute so that they may let you live (wistv.com)
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| (Arms and the Law) |
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We couldn't get him to eat his own mother, but forcing Rahm Emanuel to write a check to the Second Amendment Foundation is the next best thing. Your tears, Rahm. Let me taste them (armsandthelaw.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this already strange chair and person into something, well, stranger (contemporist.com)
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"On the Internet, nobody knows you're FBI" (networkworld.com)
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Democratic congressional chairman wants you to know that the millions he sent a state agency was for society's good, not to get his son a $129,000 per year job. And the fact that his son left as soon as he lost the chairmanship? Coincidence (washingtonpost.com)
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Fark.com gets a shoutout in an article about replicating Silicon Valley entrepreneurship (vator.tv)
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Prince Frederic von Anhalt throws lavish 95th birthday party for Zsa Zsa Gabor, complete with buffet and 130 guests. Zsa Zsa spends day wishing for sweet embrace of death to finally come claim her. (with sad pics) (dailymail.co.uk)
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New photos from the set of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. There's a lot at stake here (slashfilm.com)
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Tue February 07, 2012
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Turing incomplete (guardian.co.uk)
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Do you have $87? Do you want to be chased on a 5 kilometer obstacle course by zombies? Then have we got a deal for you (blogs.ajc.com)
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Die Antwoord on Letterman. Need I say more? (youtube.com)
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Our friends in Taiwan pretty much nailed the entire Superbowl. Including the Halftime show (youtube.com)
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When you're 14, and get a beer from your older brother, it is considered unwise to try to sell it at school (pennlive.com)
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Will Mittens lick Santorum in Colorado? Will conservatives in Missoura change the race? Will Giant Elderly Baby do any better than third? Who is RON PAUL? It's your Minnesota/Missouri/Colorado Republican election thread (google.com)
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Parent of the year can't figure out why failing to get his kids to school 150 times in the past two years is an issue (wtop.com)
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Caption the President getting tough with a marshmallow cannon (news.yahoo.com)
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Mitt Romney blasts the ruling overturning Proposition 8. Not because of the social issues at stake, but because he wasted all that money getting it passed in the first place (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Congresswoman Sue Myrick is retiring. Here is her greatest House floor speech (famousdc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farkette Elizabeth (FL) is trying to win a trip to Europe and become an ambassador for America's next generation of women pilots. She's currently trailing by only 100 votes. Click the Video Contest tab to vote (womenofaviationweek.org)
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| (Some BMX Guy with rocks in his head) |
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Behold The first 720-double-tailwhip. Well, I'd call it a 675-double-tailwhip, but you get the idea (vitalbmx.com)
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What happens when Kentucky fans invade South Carolina during basketball season? One fan documents the experience with pics, vids, and ridiculous commentary (ramblingbeachcat.com)
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| (WMAL.com) |
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Where Right Meets (Far Far) Left - Tucker Carlson Describes His Super Bowl Sunday Dinner With The Weather Underground (wmal.com)
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Two companies you've likely never heard of just completed a $100 billion merger to become the world's largest mining company with virtual control over coal and copper exports worldwide (abc.net.au)
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| (Some Bird Guy) |
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Do you own a home with large windows? Is there a cat that you let out in your backyard? If so, you're a criminal (blog.heritage.org)
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You know what would make that horrible Star Wars trailer better? Death metal (aggrogate.com)
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Heroes: How elite special forces armed to their teeth busted into Kim Dotcom's family mansion to capture two kids, one baby, two Filipino nannies, a woman and one clumsy meganerd (gizmodo.com)
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Journalist arrested for "resisting arrest" has his video of incident deleted by Miami PD, however the cops didn't know the difference between deleted and tomb-stoned (arstechnica.com)
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Chuck Schumer wins his Super Bowl bet with Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH) who will be buying six NY craft beers; the always-cagey Schumer knew that bets involving alcohol with Massachusetts senators often go badly (gothamist.com)
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Robotic sentry orders residents to move along or else. Fortunately, as it's in England, it doesn't have guns...yet (guardian.co.uk)
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Blizzard's Battle-net bank opens with terms that would make BoA blush (massively.joystiq.com)
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Speaking of secret societies, are there any other members of the Illuminati besides myself? NDIT, obviously (fark.com)
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Marvel Comics "refreshes" the origin story of Fantastic Four with tablet PCs and cell phones to be more modern. Still no explanation of how Americans are launched into space in 2012 (washingtonpost.com)
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That guy suspected of killing his wife and who blew up himself and his two sons the other day - could it get more gruesome? Don't axe (cnn.com)
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Study finds that McDonald's revives the McRib sandwich in order to crush pesky competition for imitation pork sandwiches. You stopped reading after McRib didn't you? (daytondailynews.com)
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Lost: One lightsaber stolen from Jedi in a Brooklyn bar known as a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Suspect is bearded, may have the death sentence on twelve systems (brooklynpaper.com)
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Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to climb a bronze statue of George Washington riding a horse and sit in the saddle for 45 minutes before the cops get him down (myfoxdc.com)
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Fed up with the decline of his favorite team, the Washington Redskins, former DC Mayor Marion Barry pledges to work with the owner to help get them back in the championship - just kidding, he Tweets REDSKINS SUCK during the Super Bowl (myfoxdc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Evangelical Christian Group: If a man busted for a half-gram of cocaine in 1988 still can't get a job in 2010 without involving lawyers, there's a problem with the justice system (breakpoint.org)
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BP posts $7.6 billion profit in the fourth quarter and $23.9 billion for 2011, showing it has made a complete recovery from the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. Unlike the Gulf of Mexico (bbc.co.uk)
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Is Beyonce's post-baby body hotter than Victoria Beckham's? Is a thick, juicy steak better than a bag of antlers? (mirror.co.uk)
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Republicans set to keep farking that Medicare chicken (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Nice guys urged to get spines so voters will quit going for jerks (guardian.co.uk)
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How the internet ruined the Super Bowl (forbes.com)
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If you have a Trendnet home security camera, welcome to the show: you're it (bbc.co.uk)
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Greece is now down to three options: a) get farked b) get farked harder or c) get farked like an Athens schoolboy (time.com)
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Safari tourists nearly get to experience feeding time at the tiger enclosure (myfoxdc.com)
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| (Some Nerd) |
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Facebook seem a little slow today? Fark links seem more farked than usual? It's not just you, North America's intarwebs are only doing marginally better than China's right now (internettrafficreport.com)
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Headline is all like "OMG, Zuckerberg to pay $1 billion tax bill", the article was all "but he's super smart and Facebook is getting half a billion refund from last year and stock options shiat to pay that bill" (money.cnn.com)
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So just how bad was Pete Hoekstra's "yellow menace" Superbowl ad? Let's put it this way: John Pinnette's famous impression of a Chinese buffet owner was probably more culturally sensitive (politico.com)
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Five killer whales named as plaintiffs in court case which argues they deserve the same constitutional protection from slavery as humans. SeaWorld: "Cetacean needed" (bbc.co.uk)
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Kevin Love gets two games off for performing the Scola Stomp (deadspin.com)
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| (wptv.com) |
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After days of meticulous planning, man pounces out of bush to chase after ex-wife, douses her with flammable liquid yelling, "I'm gonna kill you"... then stumbles and becomes engulfed in flames. (Early Darwin nominee) (wptv.com)
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Gingrich's spokesman edits wikipedia page to remove all mention of Newt's marriages, ethics violations, and add important facts about his balancing the budget, defeating communisism, and killing Osama Bin Laden with his giant penis (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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Family of jogger killed by drunk driver circulate petition to ban drinking on beach, reenact 18th Amendment (mysuncoast.com)
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Courtney Love threatens to sue author over unlawfully obtained deposition papers, may settle out of court for a cheeseburger and some blow (blog.seattlepi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You're not really hardcore until you tattoo your inner lip. "It will only last about three months because your lip will keep rubbing against your teeth" (couriermail.com.au)
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"Police spoke to the man, who said he had just gotten out of the shower and was walking past the window. He said he did not realize there were a lot of people across the street who could see him" (palmbeachpost.com)
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I don't normally believe in conspiracy theories, but the Labrador retriever, the golden retriever, the dachshund, and the Chihuahua have never taken Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (mnn.com)
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| (Some rural PA town) |
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Stuff college kids get from vending machines: Chips, soda, gum, Plan B, candy...wait, what? (wtae.com)
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Just your run of the mill drag race.... until Mr. DUI has something to say about it (youtube.com)
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Hyena happy to get a hug. The Sun is there (thesun.co.uk)
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Of all the controversial decisions at Sunday's sporting event, perhaps the most important one was: Did the wrong puppy get the MVP award? (newsfeed.time.com)
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How to electrify your brain to be smarter, start Skynet, with a 9 volt battery (gizmodo.com)
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News: Athlete arrested for a suspected DUI. Fark: His license plate says SAUCED (9news.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ask to play through to get around some slower players? That's an impalin' with a nine iron (nbcdfw.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Maria Menounos lost a Superbowl bet. Who won? Everyone who clicks the link (thebiglead.com)
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First they killed off Clippy, and I didn't speak out because I didn't need help writing a letter. Then they came for the Start Button (news.yahoo.com)
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Mon February 06, 2012
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Bucket kicks the man (news.com.au)
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Lana Del Rey's album is #1 in Britain. Apparently, they don't get "Saturday Night Live" over there (starpulse.com)
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Good News: Researchers invent vaccines to prevent heroin, cocaine, and meth addiction. Bad News: It's in Mexico (latino.foxnews.com)
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A handy guide to completing a collection of the most useless, disgusting things ever created by human beings that isn't a Kardashian (wired.com)
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Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between "balls of steel" and "moron with sluggish survival instincts" (wimp.com)
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The five most pathetic video game acting performances. The Walken tag demands a recount (cracked.com)
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| (My Northwest) |
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Amazon hopes to satisfy customers that enjoy long lines, crowded parking lots, and surly retail clerks (mynorthwest.com)
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Daredevil, who obviously has a death wish, is preparing to break the sound barrier with a leap from the edge of space from 23 miles high, not deploying his parachute until he's 5000 feet from the ground (dailymail.co.uk)
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While everyone is paying attention to Iran having one of our drones, North Korea actually has several of them in its possession and is reverse-engineering them to make their own drone assault fleet (foxnews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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I'm Tom Bodett, and we'll leave cocaine for ya (wavy.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Garage door openers stop working on entire block at the same time in St. Charles, Missouri. Some say street lights are to blame (stlouis.cbslocal.com)
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High school student tests her own genetic abnormality in order to reassure her parents. Turns out she's just a teenager (nj.com)
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Adding insult to injury, Will Ferrell's Super Bowl ad aired in only one market: Super Bowl loser Danny Woodhead's hometown of North Platte, NE (omaha.com)
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Dispirited Arsenal kicks off a desperate claw for fourth place, Suarez returns to Liverpool, with lots of action culminating in a Sunday morning finale between Chelsea and Manchester. It's your weekend EPL thread (soccernet.espn.go.com)
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| (savannah now) |
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When at a gun show, don't point a weapon at something you don't intend to shoot. That includes your leg (savannahnow.com)
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The rate of STDs is skyrocketing among sexually active senior citizens. Keep that in mind the next time your Nana wants to give you a kiss (mnn.com)
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| (Some CFC) |
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Student in trouble for using Old Spice deodorant spray flamethrower to set special ed student on fi...wait, they still have spray deodorant? (wtsp.com)
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They need ya, Decks, this is a bad one, the worst yet: Harrison Ford reportedly in talks for Ridley Scott's new Blade Runner (denofgeek.com)
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Woman astounded at people lining up for new Target clothing line... while waiting for said clothing line (latimes.com)
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Red Rover, Red Rover, let your Sikorsky S-76 come over (news.yahoo.com)
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Fear Factor twins who drank donkey semen have been offered the opportunity to swallow some of the human variety (tmz.com)
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You know your ex is a committed stalker if he wants to win back your heart by kidnapping you using a plan that's so detailed it's 23 pages long, has maps and photos and even a code name: "Operation Stitches" (palmbeachpost.com)
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| (BattleSwarm) |
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Remember unrepentant SOPA sponsor Lamar Smith (R-MPAA)? He now has a primary challenger. Prepare to taste the fury of a fully operational Internet (battleswarmblog.com)
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The internet is now the second most common way of beginning a relationship, usually with a supermodel or a rich philanthropist with a yacht (dailymail.co.uk)
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Programmer personality types: Coding culture offers no shortage of character. Here are the specs for determining your developer breed (infoworld.com)
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So far Doritos is leading the pack as this year's favorite Super Bowl ad. Not find behind are Bud Light, M&M's and Skechers. Is America getting it right? (top 5 clips) (bittenandbound.com)
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FACT: Egyptian kidnappers are better hosts than most of your friends (shortlist.com)
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Clint Eastwood helps reveal secrets of brain evolution. With a picture of what Clint Eastwood might look like if he was Eli Wallach (newscientist.com)
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| (Sci Mag) |
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News: Scientists accidentally make a sheet of glass only three atoms thick, analyze its structure. Fark: It exactly matches a prediction made by a glass theorist in 1932 (news.sciencemag.org)
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Facebook's ability to delete content you remove is measured in Friedman units (arstechnica.com)
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In Nevada victory speech, Romney says his mission is to "save the soul of America" - presumably by letting America die and then retroactively baptising it (news.yahoo.com)
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It's the age-old story - man gets stuck in elevator, man gets rescued by fireman and taken into adjoining elevator, man and fireman get stuck in second elevator (chicagotribune.com)
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"We always get drunk together," says a) a college student about his best friend, b) a bride-to-be about her maid of honor, or c) a mother about her 11-year-old son? (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Dread Central) |
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He's not coming to get you, Barbara. "Night of the Living Dead" graveyard zombie, Bill Hinzman dead at age 75. We think (dreadcentral.com)
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| (HyperVocal) |
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With your winnings, go buy yourself a pair of underwear to support that huge set (hypervocal.com)
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Sun February 05, 2012
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Remember how Obama said that US drone attacks have "not caused a huge number of civilian casualties?" Yeah, turns out they've been targeting rescuers at the scenes of previous attacks. And firing on mourners at funerals (salon.com)
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Public school lunchlady demands the deep fryers in the cafeteria be removed so she can force students to eat healthy instead of trusting them to make their own choices (qctimes.com)
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Researcher at Institute of Extracting Theories from Our Rectums posits that epidemic of Tourette's-like symptoms plaguing New York town is caused by people unconsciously mimicking what they see on Facebook and YouTube (dailymail.co.uk)
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Can the players refrain from taking a bite out of the tasty piggy cheerleaders? Will the water dish be befouled? Can you stand the cuteness of it all? It's Puppy Bowl VIII, 3 PM ET on Animal Planet (animal.discovery.com)
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The Patriots have been adhering to a strict diet this past week, and for last night's dinner, they were given a choice of steak or fish. Naturally, Tom Brady had the lasagna (tmz.com)
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While we're all distracted by the Republican primary circus, the Koch brothers quietly collect $100 million, $60 million of it from them personally, to defeat Obama in November. Thanks, Citizens United (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman receives Facebook friend request from the man who raped her when she was 14 years old. She gets the hero tag for how she handled it (moxiebird.com)
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Dogs and cats living together. Next up: mass hysteria (thesun.co.uk)
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New scratch-and-sniff jeans can be worn for months without washing. What's new about that, you ask? These jeans smell like raspberries, not basement damp and Cheetos dust like yours (mirror.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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NBC/Universal's detailed TV schedule for Super Bowl Sunday. Or, "when to make a beer run." (hint: "Nick Cannon hosts stars of NBC shows and Universal films on the red carpet") (channelguidemagblog.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Canadian police determine that certain astrological signs are more likely to be Aries-ted (inquisitr.com)
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In development since 1994, self cooling cans may finally hit the market. You submitted this with the [cool] tag (gizmodo.com)
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| (Some Mississippi Museum) |
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Meet the grandpappy of today's narco-subs, a Prohibition Era one-man whiskey runner powered by a Model T engine (exploresouthernhistory.com)
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There's a new professional basketball scoring record, as the ABA's Jacksonville Giants win 211-84 (deadspin.com)
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| (Clarion Ledger) |
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Boy wears "I Heart Boobies" t-shirt to skate party. Then things get weird (clarionledger.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Obama's Dilemma: how to dissuade Israel from bombing Iran without alienating pro-Israeli voters in November. So, the Obama admin has told Israel that the U.S. won't support an attack on Iran... quietly (ipsnews.net)
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Sat February 04, 2012
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The Internet craze of the day is: Lion Kinging (dailymail.co.uk)
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One writer gets it right about National Signing Day. Of course his press privileges will be revoked for all LSU games (nola.com)
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| (Inquisitr) |
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"Mother Nature Network even made the front page of Fark, another indicator of a meme becoming increasingly viral." We're a positive influence, people. (3rd paragraph shoutout) (inquisitr.com)
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Photoshop Theme: Design an over-the-top opulent gadget. (LGTI) (gizmodo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thank you South Korea for the best Incredible Hulk sculpture ever created...and reminding me to make sure I get enough fiber (bleedingcool.com)
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Joe Francis sends Madonna cease and desist letter concerning her "Girls Gone Wild" song. "Mr. Francis has worked tirelessly for an excess of two decades to build his brand and to protect his trademark Girls Gone Wild" (eonline.com)
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Further proving that liberals are wholly responsible for voter fraud, the Republican Indiana Secretary State has been personally convicted of six charges of voter fraud (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some easily amused Guy) |
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Just remember that you're standing on a planet .... The Size of the Universe and everything in it, simply and elegantly expressed in flash game format (onemorelevel.com)
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Let citrus turn your next dinner into a lemon party (suntimes.com)
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The latest stupid and possibly dangerous internet craze: Filming yourself trying to eat a teaspoon of ground cinnamon, without water, in under a minute (mnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ron Paul tells CNN there is a "Zero chance" that he will drop out of the GOP presidential race. It's still better odds than him actually being elected President (thehollywoodgossip.com)
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Obesity epidemic hits US pets. Your dog wants steak, but could use a salad (cnn.com)
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Driver of parking ticket "spy car" wins court order protecting him from photography (stuff.co.nz)
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| (Courier-Journal) |
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You're a college basketball legend whose term in a statewide elected office just ended, do you (c) file for unemployment? (courier-journal.com)
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Rise of bestiality brothels spurs calls for German legislators to get their act in Gere and ban zoophilia (thelocal.de)
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A singing donkey? You bet your ass (youtube.com)
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Researchers try to figure out exactly what makes a hit song, forget to factor in payola and the public's horrible taste in music (chicagotribune.com)
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Hot anchorwoman makes it through reporting on sausage festival until she advises where to pick tickets (liveleak.com)
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Michael Cera tries to grow a mustache. With results that are pretty much just what you'd expect (dailymail.co.uk)
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The annual Retromobile show in Paris is underway. Come for the 1959 Ferrari 250 GT California Spyder, stay for the last Facel Vega ever built (telegraph.co.uk)
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Meet Sauron. The world's most advanced speed camera which detects speed, seatbelt and mobile phone offences at 600m (news.com.au)
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Fri February 03, 2012
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Great Britain could get up to 4" of snow this weekend. EVERYBODY KEEP A STIFF UPPER LIP (guardian.co.uk)
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$7.3 million a year or $7.3 million a goal. Either way, it's good work if you can get it (tsn.ca)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Last week: Tennessee state senator claims that AIDS was the result of one guy who had sex with a monkey and then had sex with other guys. Let's run it through PolitiFact's Truth-o-Meter and...uh oh, call the fire department (politifact.com)
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Since they don't get enough attention in this country, Arizona lawmaker proposes a holiday to celebrate white people (huffingtonpost.com)
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"You put your naked supermarket burglar in my chocolate and peanut butter" -- "No, you put your chocolate and peanut butter on my naked supermarket burglar" (dailymail.co.uk)
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Man died while playing video games at internet cafe, but the blank stare and smell of soiled clothing allowed him to go unnoticed by fellow gamers for nine hours (myfoxdc.com)
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1-800-GET-THIN: "They cut her liver three places during the surgery and put her in a wheelchair and sent her home to die" (huffingtonpost.com)
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A-Ha's Take On Me, as interpreted by a quintet of North Korean accordionists (youtube.com)
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Researchers in Antarctica discover weird lakes that move, crawling like syrup. Antarctic trifecta complete (msnbc.msn.com)
|
| (Some prop better) |
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Betting on any Super Bowl props this year? LGT article with insane list of this year's prop bets (wtsp.com)
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Bad: You're repairing a yacht when it sets sail with you on board. Worse: It's going to Antarctica. Fark: The skipper's last trip there sank (telegraph.co.uk)
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As you can see. A completely ordinary Greek debt. Now, if I just cover it with a handkerchief & say, "Abracadabra".... Hey presto All gone (bbc.co.uk)
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Airlines say passenger demand grew 6% in 2011 ... 2% wanted lower fares, 2% wanted fewer delays, 2% wanted better service (businessweek.com)
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All right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what has infrastructure done for us? (huffingtonpost.com)
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Step 1: begin copying photos from a woman's Facebook page and blog, step 2: setup social media accounts and new blog under a new name and post them for months, step 3: profit? (wral.com)
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Spokeswoman says that a few thefts by TSA agents shouldn't make us forget all the good that they've done. You could tell the Spokeswoman was a pro, because she managed to say that with a straight face (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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The first round of the Drunk of the Year contest will be getting underway this weekend in Wisconsin (reuters.com)
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Protip: Whenever a news story ends with a question mark, the answer is always "no". Case in point: "Is Bill Belichick quietly the NFL's best-dressed coach?" (slate.com)
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Alien visitation is not going to happen. SLEEP. There is nothing on our planet that aliens would need. OBEY. If intelligent creatures exist on other planets they likely won't visit Earth. CONSUME (nydailynews.com)
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| (vindy.com) |
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Alec Baldwin is getting scary good at impressions (vindy.com)
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10 examples of politicians trying to be funny. Complete with cringe-inducing videos. Tumbleweeds missing though (shortlist.com)
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Suddenly, How I Met Your Mother has become the most-watched show on CBS. The network has no idea how this happened (popwatch.ew.com)
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Romney calls Leon Panetta "misguided and naive" for announcing US troop pull out of Afghanistan, because if he hadn't said anything the Taliban would NEVER HAVE KNOWN we were thinking about leaving (news.yahoo.com)
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Machete wielding rapist deemed dangerous offender. You don't say? (torontosun.com)
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| (WJAR) |
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Today's "teacher has sex with student" takes a shocking turn when hot 22 year old teacher is arrested for supplying alcohol before she gets a chance to bang anyone. (With "you'd drink with her" pic) (www2.turnto10.com)
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Mick Jagger's 16-year-old granddaughter says she's already found 'the one' and wants to get married (with "you'd hit it in two years" pic) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Did David Letterman destroy Late Night? (popwatch.ew.com)
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Congressional Republicans are fiercely debating whether they should even try to formulate a policy agenda this year, or whether they should just keep going with "Obama sucks and we have nothing to offer" (politico.com)
|
| (Wait, what?) |
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Advice: If you are Muslim, or even have a Muslim sounding name, don't text your co-workers and tell them to "Blow away" the competition. Fark: Especially if you are in Quebec (thechronicleherald.ca)
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Hackers managed to direct users to a dummy website where readers saw, "Help us run over poor women on our way to the bank." Susan G. Komen gets pwned (nydailynews.com)
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Since the field is pretty narrow, I'll just go ahead and call this guy a feather duster virtuoso (wimp.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sure, we've all sped when we were running late for work. It's just that most of us didn't have weed and meth on us, nor did we decide to start a fight with the cops who stopped us (dailycommercial.com)
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Employees at Detroit McDonald's locked in freezer after store robbery, enjoy the break from Michigan weather (clickondetroit.com)
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Scientists use deadly plant to create a cancer-killing grenade. But your Skyrim character is pretty impressive, too (gizmodo.com)
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College student sues fraternity for negligence because he fell off a deck after a bottle rocket went off in another student's rectum (upi.com)
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Susan G. Komen: Defunding Planned Parenthood was not politically motivated but a new policy against donating to organizations under investigation. Media: What about the $7.5M you gave Penn State? Susan G. Komen: *crickets* (motherjones.com)
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My Father always told me, "If you're doing something that will make you wanted by the police, remember not to ask the police if you're wanted" (chicagotribune.com)
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If you're going to do a news story about a massive cockfighting operation busted in San Diego with over 2000 cocks discovered, you may not want to let a woman read the copy (youtube.com)
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Russian attack plane headed for Everett. WOLVERINES (komonews.com)
|
| (Stroked Out Daddy) |
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Yeah, that's pretty much my exact reaction upon hearing Kenny Chesney, too (theboot.com)
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Woman holding baby gets into argument over rent with boyfriend. After boyfriend douses woman in lighter fluid and sets her on fire, woman throws baby out window, where it is caught by attentive neighbors. The Aristocrats (nydailynews.com)
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Vulcan man arrested for sexual assault. Look, there are better ways to deal with Pon Farr, dude (calgary.ctv.ca)
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Meet the man with over 1,500 boardgames and exactly 0 girlfriends (omaha.com)
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'Liberal' leaning Fark gets mentioned in a WAAY TV story about Alabama State Senator Shadrack McGill and his controversial statements (waaytv.com)
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Phil Mickelson is suing to find out the real names of people that posted nasty comments about him and his wife on the internet. Personally I heard it was Mike Hawk and Harry Sack (utsandiego.com)
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Crematorium to broadcast funerals live on the internet, allowing you to toast the dearly departed in your bathrobe (mirror.co.uk)
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This is why you don't let the inmates print the logos for the side of your police cars (news.yahoo.com)
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Thu February 02, 2012
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Secret of red wine as revealed by scientists: "You'd have to drink more than 600 bottles of wine to get the amount of resveratrol that would deliver any noticeable health benefits." Subby: "Challenge accepted" (news.yahoo.com)
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Senators swarm to bill banning insider trading and play "Who's more ethical?" (washingtonpost.com)
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Retired Supreme Court Justice O'Connor on the two leading Republican candidates, "one is a practicing polygamist, and he's not even the Mormon." Please deposit "Oh Snap" images to the right (washingtonpost.com)
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Everyone in town wins. Except you, you get nothing (wgal.com)
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Adrian Peterson will be permitted to change his number, so long as he buys the $1,000,000 worth of existing Reebok jerseys with his current number (startribune.com)
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Leaked plan from Microsoft details the next version of Windows Phone. It's pretty much full of win (engadget.com)
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Facebook will soon offer a "Premium Subscription Service" that will offer you more, and better ads. Now who wouldn't want that? (news.com.au)
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Brad Pitt gives soda to his children. More on this story as details come in (thesuperficial.com)
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"Start saving your pennies now. People spend $300 on crazy things all the time, things like handbags. So work all year, scrape the money together, and come to my show. I'm worth it" (starpulse.com)
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The RIAA is upset that the OPEN Act isn't draconian enough (arstechnica.com)
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Petrobras $25 billion worth of bids offers lots of support to sagging petroboobie economy (businessweek.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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US Women's Soccer player Ella Masar opens up about the WPS "magicjack" team, including having to call the owner "Daddy" and the team having a chiropractor because he didn't believe in athletic trainers (pitchsidereport.com)
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| (Anonymous) |
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Anonymous exposes Ron Paul's ties to white supremacists, Nazis, Zuul, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria (pirasec.com)
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So what did Facebook's $5 billion IPO teach us? Well, for one thing, it taught us that Facebook users are a drooling pack of monkey idiots. "Screw this, I'm making Jeffbook...it's time to get paid" (cnn.com)
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Andy Richter impersonates Newt Gingrich, and then it gets awesome (teamcoco.com)
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A study in how to ruin a brand in 48 hours. HP, Netflix and now the Susan G. Komen Foundation (dailykos.com)
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More good news for Mitt Romney as Sharron Angle is set to endorse Rick Santorum (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Angela Merkel to China: "Europe is making fiscal progress." Progress towards financial apocalypse, but progress nonetheless (marketwatch.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Yet another example of Facebook shares no one wants to see (duluthnewstribune.com)
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Will you be flying Qantas or Jetstar? If so, watch the takeoff ... on airfare (news.com.au)
|
| (Some Sappy Byproduct) |
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Crude tall oil gets the nod for biodiesel production. Well mannered short oil politely declines comment (yle.fi)
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| (Some Fake Agent) |
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Apparently, the idea of pretending to be a federal agent and pulling people with Ontario plates who visit strip clubs so you can check their car for bombs hasn't gotten old in Hudson (newportrichey.wtsp.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Republican rhetoric about the president is going to cause his assassination, according to Punxsatawnee Jackson (wiod.com)
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Obama follows through on promise at town hall meeting to help a woman's husband with his resume-but she's still not sure she's gonna vote for him (huffingtonpost.com)
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Group sets world record for stupidest world record of all times (foxnews.com)
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Mitt Romney may have won in Florida...but he also lost a few things. Florida truly giveth and taketh away (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Pro-tip: If you're going to submit legislation given to you by a shady, secretive lobbying group, then it may be a good idea to remove said lobbying group's mission statement from the legislation text first (dailykos.com)
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After IPO filing, Facebook gets its ticker symbol. To the delight of Fark, Fb - is the choice (thestar.com)
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American Airlines announces plans for bankruptcy reorganization, hopes to achieve delicate balance between angering customers and screwing employees (upi.com)
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Will Seattle get another professional football team? Wait, they already have one? (blog.seattlepi.com)
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Employees taking stacks of cash from a bank vault for an auditor to count, forget to remove the ones with the exploding dye packs (denver.cbslocal.com)
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Taco Bell customers may be spending even more time on the toilet than usual (link updated) (uk.reuters.com)
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After key vote, WA to legalize gay marriage. Heterosexuals beginning mass divorces, stores revise "no shirts" policies, and the boy scouts have begun construction of glittering pink pyramid outside of Spokane (huffingtonpost.com)
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California now getting 5% of its electricity from wind. Savvy lawmakers to propose harnessing energy from wild fires, mud slides, earthquakes (articles.latimes.com)
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Recipe Cloner has come up with a Do-it-Yourself Twinkie recipe for those of you who are afraid that the Hostess bankruptcy may take away your sweet golden cakes (foxnews.com)
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#The #world's #most #annoying #tweet #is #really #annoying (shortlist.com)
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Step 1: Counterfeit buffet restaurant chain certificates Step 2: Go on cross-country roadtrip Step 3: Arrested (dailybulletin.com)
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Tony Dorsett sues the NFL because he chose to play football (foxnews.com)
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Tonight on Hoarders: Top secret (thesmokinggun.com)
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Researchers say scratching feels better on certain parts of your body. Sounds like junk science to me (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)
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I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout: "Put down those damn teabags and use me, you lout" (mirror.co.uk)
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Woman caught after high speed chase through Seattle in stolen cherry picker tells cops it was always on her bucket list (seattlepi.com)
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Seattle library lets man watch internet porn, presumably because it's easier to clean the computer screen than to unstick book pages (seattlepi.com)
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Well, Supernerds, the gauntlet has been thrown down. Literally. How will you top this? (gizmodo.com)
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Romney gets glitter-bombed, calls it victory confetti. Edward Cullen stares blankly, possibly approving (cbsnews.com)
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| (Boomstick Comics) |
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A prequel to Jackie Brown is in our near future. Sam Jackson does not get eaten by a shark this time (boomstickcomics.com)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 352: "Go out and get some strange" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest (farktography.net)
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Wed February 01, 2012
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Somebody handed over the keys to Century Link Field in Seattle and let these guys play with the lights. The result is awesome (youtube.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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For most 9 year olds, cancer is the most terrifying thing in the world. For some, a transplant is even more so. Meet the only 9 year old who gave the finger not once but 6 times to her tumors (boston.cbslocal.com)
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| (WBNS) |
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Look, let's go over this one more time. If you rob someone, don't brag about it on Facebook (10tv.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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A little kid kicks dirt on your car, do you A) tell him to get lost B) Threaten to tell his parents C) Pick him up and dangle him over an aggressive, chained pit bull? (charlotteobserver.com)
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Romney clarifies his position. It's not that he's not concerned with the poor, it's just that he's not going to do anything to help them. There. That makes it all better (latimes.com)
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| (Red State) |
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Conservatives are completely dumbfounded at Romney's "poor" quote: "The only thing that could have made that Romney quote worse is if he ended it by laughing manically and lighting a cigar with a $100 bill" (redstate.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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We must go back in time to 1983 and prevent George Lucas from making any changes to Star Wars. You must bring your own weapon. Safety not guaranteed. (spoilers) (nerdbastards.com)
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Colorado's biggest embarrassment since the 1997 Denver Nuggets endorses Rick Santorum. In other news, Rick Santorum is evidently still running for president (denverpost.com)
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How to adjust your HDTV settings. RTFM strangely absent (gadgetbox.msnbc.msn.com)
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Shiat I Say When I See Yet Another "Shiat [Some Group] Says" Video (youtube.com)
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Twelve reasons why NBC is a last place network. Come for their shiatty treatment of "Community," stay for their adoration of Dane Cook and Whitney Cummings (warmingglow.uproxx.com)
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| (Readers Digest) |
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26 Things to do with petroleum jelly. Uhm, yea...that's not one of them (rd.com)
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| (Alamo Drafthouse) |
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First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours (princessbridewine.com)
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The Super Bowl is almost here, so here's Huffington Post to rain on your parade by telling you that your gametime snacks are going to kill you (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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20 common grammar mistakes even the grammar nazis get wrong (litreactor.com)
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Russia's fifth-generation Sukhoi PAKFA T-50 fighter jet loses competition without battle (english.pravda.ru)
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| (Some Steampunk Guy) |
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The Men That Will Not Be Blamed For Nothing have been blamed for something. Now that's what I call irony (roarrock.co.uk)
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Do you live in Wisconsin? Did you sign the petition to recall Gov. Walker? If so, the Wisconsin Attorney General has decided just how to fix your wagon real good for ya (cnn.com)
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What do an overweight dog, James Brown, a Beetle and the entire clientele of the Mos Eisley cantina have in common? (wrcbtv.com)
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Not News: The director of "Priscilla Queen Of The Desert" comes out of the closet. Excuse me while I put on my shocked face (abc.net.au)
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John Elway says the Broncos are in the market for quarterbacks, would settle for having just one (fannation.com)
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Constitutional "Scholars" in Washington state proposed a bill that would forbid the state government from using any legal tender other than gold and silver coins. At last, those commemorative 9/11 coins will finally be worth something (thinkprogress.org)
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No rational person thinks Facebook is worth $100 billion. But then again, how many rational people are there left on Wall Street these days? (thedailybeast.com)
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"Spiffy," said Tom, "I have invented the phonograph. Now businessmen can send each other brief messages in pneumatic tubes, which I call the Internets." "Now, Slave, fetch me a recording of Bismarck" (telegraph.co.uk)
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US Army develops new method for dealing with overweight soldiers: injecting them with more fat (wired.com)
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Inner-city school enters NASA contest. Apparently, there was some kind of misunderstanding when the students were asked how high they'd like to get (schoolsofthought.blogs.cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't you hate when you get wrongfully arrested as a pedophile and have your face plastered on all the newspapers? Again? (kfoxtv.com)
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Miley Cyrus broke her tailbone 'doing flips', which is a pretty dumb nickname for her boyfriend, but whatever (thesuperficial.com)
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Police seize 1500 pounds of pot from NY apartment, estimate its street value at $7.5 million. Dude, $5000 a pound? In New York? Must have been some crappy stuff (foxnews.com)
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Just for the taste of it, Diet Stroke (upi.com)
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Palin Targets Republican Politburo (thenation.com)
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Salvation Army kettles collect a record $147 million at Christmas as people apparently will pay whatever it takes to stop the constant bell ringing (content.usatoday.com)
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Good: Set meeting to balance budget. Bad: To avoid emergency state takeover. Detroit: Majority of city council doesn't bother to show up (freep.com)
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Just when you thought college football was on the sidelines, Hope springs eternal ....It's National Signing Day, people (espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ball boys? You bet she did (610wiod.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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While you can't stab someone over the internet, science is one step closer to allowing you to robo-bang your significant other while you play Elder Scrolls (extremetech.com)
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Women abandon Newt for a younger and prettier candidate (news.yahoo.com)
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American home ownership has plummeted to record lows on news that home values are plummeting even more (usatoday.com)
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Question: What keeps Newt Gingrich going? Answer: Pure, unfettered ego (cnn.com)
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6.3 for the landing, 10 for getting the TV to turn on (youtube.com)
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Claiming you fought in Vietnam War to the press while serving in Afghan War is double daft (stripes.com)
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Nokia Siemens Networks to ejaculate 2,900 workers (townhall.com)
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Residents of Buffalo NY found to buy most lottery tickets in the nation as desperate residents try anything to escape the city (marketwatch.com)
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Things not to say to same-sex couples, such as "I'm so thrilled to meet you. I was bisexual in college" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Steve-O prepares for his next stunt ... to see how fast he can nail Elisabetta Canalis (thesuperficial.com)
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Classic TV locations get turned into moody pieces of art. Something wicked is coming for Moe's Tavern (shortlist.com)
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Spider's detachable penis finishes without him. This comes in handy a lot of the time (msnbc.msn.com)
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Old man decides his car needs a good cleaning after driving through the farmers market (liveleak.com)
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7'5" Mamadou Ndiaye, the tallest high school basketball player in the world, is a stand out in his latest game in California (youtube.com)
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Last surviving member of original SAS dies at age 92, will be buried in a quiet ceremony together with his enormous brass balls (mirror.co.uk)
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| (Laughing Squid) |
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Breaking Bad gets the retro 8-bit makeover (laughingsquid.com)
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Because "Mittens" Romney now has real gloves in the fight, the Secret Service is giving him protection (abcnews.go.com)
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Dust off all the usual comments, it's time for today's hot teacher with teen student story. Seriously, can we get a tab for these? (mcall.com)
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What the COOL tab was made for: moonset as seen from the International Space Station (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
|
Tue January 31, 2012
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Stocks post their best January since '97. So it must be the Bush recovery. Or the anticipation of a Romney presidency. Or the Jet Stream. Or a celestial convergence. What else could it be? (thedailybeast.com)
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"Steven Spielberg is the most overrated director of modern times; he has no sense of humor, gets lackluster performances from his actors, and is incredibly pompous." Aw, a film student got upset (slate.com)
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Secret NATO report seems to indicate that Pakistan intelligence and the Taliban are BFFs (bbc.co.uk)
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"Four South Side areas landed on AOL's dailyfinance.com list of the 25 most dangerous neighborhoods, which was posted Monday on Fark.com." We're always down with what happens in the streets, G (redeyechicago.com)
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The most polite "Fark you, you S.O.B." letter it's ever been subby's pleasure to read (news.yahoo.com)
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| (KDGE) |
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"It's not what I fought for...to be treated like this. It's not right to think they can come into your house and do this to you," says disabled Vietnam veteran who lives in fear of the authorities taking away his monkeys (kdge.com)
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Scientist has either figured out the answer to life, the universe, and everything or is batshiat insane. No one knows for sure yet (io9.com)
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Economist who created the Laffer curve says Gingrich's tax plan is better than Romney's, in much the same way being hit by a Kenworth is preferable to being hit by a Peterbilt (newsmax.com)
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John Edwards, facing jail time for federal campaign finance violations, spends $164,000 out of campaign account between October and December (politico.com)
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Lazy New Jerseyans don't like pumping their own gas or using parking meters where you have to walk back to your car to put the receipt in the windshield (nj.com)
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Shipwreck hunters find second streetlight on floor of the Baltic Sea (huffingtonpost.com)
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Comedian from popular, news-savvy TV show launches Presidential campaign to expose foibles of the political process. No, we're not talking about Stephen Colbert. Come upon my lawn and let me tell you about Pat Paulsen (rollingstone.com)
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Is it time to rethink treatment of.. of, wait hang on.. (checks link) oh yeah, ADD? (io9.com)
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John thought he could casually walk into the supermarket, pour bleach on the chicken and pork, and slip out without anyone noticing. But something - SOMETHING - made him stand out (w/ mugshot goodness) (myfoxdc.com)
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Six painful things nobody tells you about fighting, in blow-by-blow detail (cracked.com)
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Bill O'Reilly says the Muppets better watch it (mediamatters.org)
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Now that he's 24 years old, is it time for Sidney Crosby to retire? (theglobeandmail.com)
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| (Miami New Times) |
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"Newt Gingrish look like a hackler. He looks like he get on people's nerves just for the fark of it,'" and more insight on the Florida GOP primary from Miami strippers Skrawberry and Tip Drill (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)
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Protip: Before you post your crazy driving antics on YouTube, remember that the police watch the internets, too (news.com.au)
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Porsche Girl's father gets $2.37 million for enduring epic trolling (latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The top 10 colleges where kids in America pretend to be wizards and compete in Harry Potter Quidditch...is this really higher education? (collegemagazine.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Just because your grandmother snuck you a shot of brandy when you were a kid doesn't mean you need to give yours Methadone and Nyquil (newyork.cbslocal.com)
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Study finds women are better at parking than men, but only because other cars on the street flee in terror at their approach (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)
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Android handset makers stop worrying so much about competing with Apple... and start worrying about competing with Samsung (businessweek.com)
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The more you know: Woman who drank donkey semen in never-to-be-aired Fear Factor episode confesses "It's a lot thicker" than the human variety (tmz.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sports news: Topps releases 2012 baseball card set. Fark : St Louis Cardinal Skip Schumaker was replaced by a squirrel (inquisitr.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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HOLY JEEBUS. Your two favorite things are now combined. Could be four if served between boobies (esquire.com)
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Defense Security: "The President decides who is a terrorist and if they should be killed". Keyboard commandos outraged, delete any pre-2009 comments agreeing with this concept (motherjones.com)
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Why not spice up your stale sex life with some hot threesomes between you, your husband and your 15 year old cousin? Apart from the court case and the awkward family dinners of course (stuff.co.nz)
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| (Vice Video) |
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Japanese Hair Hats shaped like dogs, wolverines, caribou and mongeese. Hey, Subby gets a chance to use the rare 'Weird' tag (vice.com)
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Donald Trump to build cemetery near his New Jersey golf course. Groundskeeper told to expect an additional 1000 people under him (upi.com)
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When having an amorous encounter with your mistress, check first to make sure your wife is not also in the room. That way you can avoid getting strangled and having the cops show up. With pics (blogs.tcpalm.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Julian Assange to appear on The Simpsons, sexually assault Miss Krabappel, leak all of Mr. Burns' secret files (theclicker.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Home birthing advocate dies giving birth in own home. Alanis Morissette tapped to perform at funeral (au.news.yahoo.com)
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US military has developed self-guided bullet that can travel over a mile and change direction before it hits its target. Gene Simmons approves (digitaltrends.com)
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About that female douchebag who dumped her cancer boyfriend and took the Super Bowl tickets? Yeah about that. Pro tip guys: You have to meet a woman more than once to consider yourself in a relationship (dailymail.co.uk)
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Movie studio realizes that the only way a movie about Stretch Armstrong could be a worse idea was if Taylor Lautner was the lead (hitfix.com)
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Alec Baldwin lost 30 pounds after discovering he was prediabetic. Or postdiabetic, Dr. Spaceman always gets those two confused (dailymail.co.uk)
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Top Obama campaign official David Axelrod tweets picture of the President with his dog in the presidential limousine in a jab at Romney: "How loving owners transport their dogs" (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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Obama passes on taking 18 of the 20 highest questions offered to him by voters via YouTube during recent Google hangout, but does address the pressing issues of dancing, gaming, and getting the late night munchies (huffingtonpost.com)
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Don't let their oppressive shyness, lack of collaboration skills, unwillingness to speak up, and self-imposed isolation fool you -- introverts can be a real benefit to the workplace (npr.org)
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Mon January 30, 2012
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An elephant in Amsterdam's zoo has made history after vets fit her with jumbo-sized contact lens. Win Thida sees what you did there (spiegel.de)
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Can a woman be a douchebag? This is important, because I'd hate to use the wrong word to refer to the woman who dumped her boyfriend when she found out he had bladder cancer, but still wanted to take his Super Bowl tickets (news.yahoo.com)
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Wal-Mart is now getting rid of door greeters entirely. But now who will harass us, demanding to see the receipt for the 24-pack of toilet paper we just bought but was too big for the bag? (bloomberg.com)
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Man returns $8K left near road, forgets about the "Finders Keepers" clause (wftv.com)
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Well, here's a shock. Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer is using her "tense" meeting with Obama to raise campaign money: " I wasn't pointing at him. I was telling him, 'You have ONE more year.'" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Sheriff Joe Arpaio's offices evacuated because something white and powdery was found there other than Sheriff Joe Arpaio (news.yahoo.com)
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Have somebody call your mama, check your limes at the door, and get your can of peas ready. It's time for what could be Johnny Ace's last night on RAW. WWWYKI's on USA at 9pm EST (bleacherreport.com)
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Author of the "Don't say Gay" bill thrown out of a restaurant. "If you don't think the way certain people think, then they think you don't have a right to be served," he said, completely missing the irony (buzzfeed.com)
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A thief breaks into a car and steals c) a woman's false teeth (wpxi.com)
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| (Mr CommDot) |
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If this guy is right, the MPAA/RIAA are totally screwed because everyone can have their own private Internet (kurzweilai.net)
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The entire cast of Arrested Development has signed on to star in the Netflix continuation of the series. There's always money in nostalgia. And the banana stand (huffingtonpost.com)
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In Phoenix you can get a bacon-wrapped hot dog piled high with beans, mayonnaise, cheese, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, guacamole, salsa and jalapeño peppers. Your move, Chicago (azcentral.com)
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Scientists determine global warming caused by the Wall Street Journal's and Daily Mail's pants being on fire (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Dear Google: Please get off the lawn you built for me (infoworld.com)
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Missing community activist found. Apparently, he fell down a well. Onto a bullet (washingtonpost.com)
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Freddie Mac, a company owned by taxpayers that's supposed to make it easier and more affordable to get a home, has bet billions of dollars that homeowners will not be able to refinance their homes (npr.org)
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You have a fight with your pregnant girlfriend - do you a) take the blame even if it's not your fault. b) walk away and come back when things cool down. c) rip off all of her clothes and leave her naked in the street. HINT: Florida Tag (beatcalls.com)
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A careful, point-by-point analysis of why Newt's moon base idea is pants-on-head retarded (slate.com)
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New study shows that Americans' political views are not that far apart. In other news Yankees and Red Sox fans have friendly get together (news.yahoo.com)
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Meet the guy who turned down a founding role in Facebook to work for the 2004 John Kerry campaign instead. Things have actually worked out pretty well for him (abcnews.go.com)
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Cute chick can talk backwards. This is pretty ypeerc (youtube.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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More lemmings last summer mean more snow owls on the hunt today. No, this is not a metaphor for the political scene in America (battlecreekenquirer.com)
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Condo board bullies man to euthanize his pit bull - a "betrayal" of his best friend which drove him to suicide. Yep, there are no winners here. Unless you're the f**king condo board that is (nypost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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CBS decides to make a sitcom out of yet another internet fad (businessinsider.com)
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Reminder: When using a government computer network, you have no reasonable expectation of privacy regarding any communications (washingtonpost.com)
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I know it sounds a corny and a bit nutty, but scientists have developed a special type of bacteria that changes the color of human excrement to let them know exactly what ails you (dailymail.co.uk)
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There are six primary methods of eliminating potential challengers with the tacit cooperation of the mainstream media, and they have been in full display this primary season (americanthinker.com)
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Muslim preacher arrested in Kenya, Secret Service plans rescue mission (iol.co.za)
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10 kitchen tools you didn't know you needed. Or, you could just get married. Either/or (chicagotribune.com)
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| (Gwinnett Daily Post) |
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Illinois man sends murder threats and mailbombs to Georgia schools in hopes of getting personal enemies investigated. How'd that plan work out for you, big guy? (gwinnettdailypost.com)
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| (SlashGear) |
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It's yet another article about a Facebook "upgrade" that has people "considering" deleting their profiles. It's like tech writers aren't even trying anymore. Time to feed the dogs, Mr. Pavlov (slashgear.com)
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Detectives give up on murder case, turn evidence over to the public to see if they can figure it out (heraldtribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Another Club Med closes, narrowing the list of vacation destinations for balding, hairy-backed men hoping to get invited to a swinger party as they wander about the beach sucking down pina coladas while in the full throes of a mid-life crisis (couriermail.com.au)
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Tourism tip: If you're planning a visit to the U.S., don't tweet about your plans to "destroy America" or dig up Marilyn Monroe (thesun.co.uk)
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Supermarket IDs woman buying pack of spoons, because spoons can be used to shoot heroin. With helpful instructions on how to prepare heroin with a spoon (dailymail.co.uk)
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Facebook detective tracks down attackers (lep.co.uk)
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14 entertaining tales of collectivist Internet satire (avclub.com)
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Once again demonstrating the great man's vise-like grip on the blindingly obvious, Pat Buchanan says Reagan saw Gingrich as "something of a political opportunist" (news.yahoo.com)
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Man leaves Catholic church, can't get off god's mailing list (npr.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Writer tries to justify why he enjoys listening to the grunts of women tennis players. "I'm not a pervert who gets a cheap thrill from the loud shrieks" (asiaone.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Colorado ranchers are using an aggressive breed of sheepdog that will savage any wolf, coyote, or tourist that gets too close to the flock (gazette.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Embattled Real Madrid coach Jose Mourinho tired of drama in Spain, allegedly has decided to return to English Premier League this summer. Immortal quote: "It's not about the money" (adifferentleague.co.uk)
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Yoga can make grandma flexible enough that she can get her legs behind her ears again (sun-sentinel.com)
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Mike Tyson to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame alongside other greats like Pete Rose and Drew Carey (tmz.com)
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Yeah, that COULD be the coolest Diablo costume ever... Or it could doom the wearer to a lifetime of virginity (techeblog.com)
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Today's awesome highlight from 2012 Winter X Games: First snowmobile front flip ever landed in competition (youtube.com)
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Matt Cassel saves family from house fire. Also saves: cat, player piano, washer, dryer, grandfather clock, couch, vanity, dining set (sports.yahoo.com)
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6.3 earthquake hits Peru. Twelve injured, flights delayed, travelers still not able to get over Machu Picchu (bbc.co.uk)
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To the left: Muppets commenting on Fox News. To the right: Oh Snap and Burn pictures (youtube.com)
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American insurance company is branching out to act like dicks in the international market (news.com.au)
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Fisticuffs at Cowboy BBQ: "The argument began over whether food was done cooking, with the cook saying it wasn't done and that he would cook it until it was" (helenair.com)
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Change one word from the title of movie or TV show that it sounds like it could be something shown on late night Showtime or Cinemax (fark.com)
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Sun January 29, 2012
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Caffeine may alter women's estrogen levels, BUT YOU BETTER KEEP THAT COFFEE COMING, YOU SON OF A BIATCH (9news.com)
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Get ready for more pills, thrills & bellyaches, the original Happy Mondays line-up to reform for tour (bbc.co.uk)
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Umpire kills cricket fan with bat. Now THAT was a wicked googly (news.com.au)
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This week's Mugshot Roundup features some retarded tattoos, a bunch of drunks, plenty of mustache wax, and someone who keeps a disorderly house (thesmokinggun.com)
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Massive car wreck looks like something out of a bad disaster movie (latimes.com)
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Girl paints with Basketball, scouted by Lakers (liveleak.com)
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Will Kane's Libertarian hate or John Cena's constipated face win the day? Will SHOOOOOOOW or Mizark squash Daniel Bryan like so many peas? Who will this years surprise entrants be? It's the 25th Royal Rumble, live on PPV at 8 PM ET (bleacherreport.com)
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Will the NFC defeat the AFC again? With a decent team around him, will Cam Newton prove he's the best in the world? Will this game matter? WHAR TEBOW, WHAR? It's the NFC All Stars vs. the AFC All Stars in the Pro Bowl, 7 PM ET on NBC (scores.espn.go.com)
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Parking Wars, Cupcake Wars, Storage Wars, etc... What kind of _____ "Wars" show would you want to see? (en.wikipedia.org)
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This week's karaoke edition SHMHC brings you the black metal band with the evocative name that evokes goats... and whores. It's Goatwhore, with Collapse in Eternal Worth (youtube.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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MPAA Exec: We don't really understand this confounded internet (techdirt.com)
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This 6,000 calorie breakfast - 12 slices of bacon, 12 sausages, 14 eggs, 4 black pudding slices, 12 slices of bread, 2 hash browns, saute potatoes, mushrooms, beans, and tomatoes - weighs more than a baby. Get in mah belly (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Newt Gingrich thinks college students should get part-time jobs to pay for their tuition. As opposed to when he was in college and begged his family for money instead of looking for a job. "I want all my time for my studies" (syracuse.com)
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Sun trifecta complete: hypnotizing, towering loops of magnetic plasma erupt in a flare (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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This just in: retailers will pay people to write positive reviews of their products (consumerist.com)
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Aussie Open ends with the worst tennis match in modern history, lasting 6 hours. In some parts of the world they call that a cricket (espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Teenagers not wired as whistleblowers." Well, to be fair, a good locker stuffing or swirlie can be considered as a good deterrent (ksl.com)
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| (Seattle Weekly) |
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Irish distillery unveils 65% ABV version of poitin, hopes to export it to USA. "We want to bring Poitín out from the shadows and let Irish people have a national white spirit they can be proud of" (blogs.seattleweekly.com)
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Six hugely successful products originally invented for something else. Behold the wonderful mysteries of Listerine (mentalfloss.com)
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Video of student dancing naked in nightclub paddling pool goes viral: "I'll bet she's regretting it now" (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sat January 28, 2012
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Remember: If you're out shooting in the desert, a 14-year-old on an ATV should not be treated as a moving target (azcentral.com)
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| (TheBlaze.com) |
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Meet Abbey Watson, a 13 year old world-record holding powerlifter. The secret to her success? "Bacon... mostly bacon" (theblaze.com)
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You have some sort of beef with a trucking company. Do you C) drive a flatbed truck though the company's window and set all the computers on fire after you spray paint "DO NOT ENTER-BOOBY TRAPPED" on the front of your house? (stltoday.com)
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Survey finds which male sport has the largest collection of illicit drug users among athletes competing in the NCAA's 23 sanctioned sports. Not that one. Nope, not that one either (bloomberg.com)
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Massachusetts is getting drive-through grocery stores for people who can't risk light exercise (bostonherald.com)
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Both mayors in attendance at Obama's tarmac greeting in Arizona seem to agree: Governor Jan Brewer is projecting so hard that if you shoved a DVD up her arse and pointed her upwards, you could watch it on the moon (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Christian leader condemns new Star Wars MMO because it allows gay relationships -- forgetting, of course, that gamers don't have sexual relationships of any kind, gay or straight (rawstory.com)
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The 10 best director's cuts. List is incomplete until Garry Marshall's four hour redux of New Year's Eve is released (shortlist.com)
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| (WBZ) |
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Massachusetts schools celebrated No Name Calling Day, which played hell with attendance rosters, statistics statewide (boston.cbslocal.com)
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Wisconsin's National Mustard Museum gets last-minute reprieve, will not have to shut down. In related news, there's a National Mustard Museum in Wisconsin (upi.com)
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To cut production costs, an Ohio congressman has introduced a bill that would require pennies be made out of steel, instead of just doing away with the worthless things altogether (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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In yet another example of President Obama's pusillanimous "do-nothing" behavior, details emerge that Obama went ahead with the Bin Laden raid despite the advice of most of his advisers to back away from the mission (foxnews.com)
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Marijuana mouth spray could hit store shelves by 2013. Look for it in supermarkets between the Yodels and Doritos (cbsnews.com)
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| (WPTV.com) |
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Tired of the Boogie Nights, Burt Reynolds slashes price of his Florida home 45% in desperate attempt to avoid Deliverance of foreclosure. It's still twice the market price, though, so he'd have to make out like a bandit (wptv.com)
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| (Sarah Palin's Facebook Page) |
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Sarah Palin rallies Tea Party to arms against the GOP establishment on her Facebook page. Lawn chairs are set up and the Jiffy-Pop is on the stove (facebook.com)
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Yet another example that Canada is cool: Dwarf-tossing event to take place, despite objections from busybodies and naysayers. You submitted this with a shorter headline (foxnews.com)
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| (nbc miami) |
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1500 live turtles found in luggage at Indonesian airport. Security officials wary of yet another international shell game (nbcmiami.com)
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Time capsule buried under Maple Leaf Gardens found. Box contains old newspapers from 1931, rule books, ivory elephant and a strange relic called a "playoff ticket" (news.nationalpost.com)
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Toddler chews head off snake, gets cease and desist order from Sharon Osbourne (telegraph.co.uk)
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Subby is in the midst of his 5th distinct career change at age 36. Some have been more successful than others, but the journey overall has made for a pretty interesting life so far. Let's hear your career change stories (fark.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"A full-force punch to the head is comparable to being hit with a 12lb padded wooden mallet travelling at 20mph" (guyspeed.com)
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Fri January 27, 2012
| (TheFW.com) |
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Not looking forward to another boring Super Bowl? At least you don't have to endure one of these boring football songs. "Let's Ram It" indeed (thefw.com)
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Hopefully your London Rams merchandise has an easy return option (stltoday.com)
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What a day without the internet might actually be like (youtube.com)
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Even with those Nude-O-Scopes, the TSA is still not able to tell the difference between a gun and an insulin pump (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Flying Spaghetti (eattv.com)
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7-year-old's heart-melting fan letter to the 49ers Kyle Williams proves he is more grown up than 99% of their fans (sports.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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69 year old paleontologist collaborates on detailed study of old bone with 19 year old undergrad (bozeman-magpie.com)
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Two more Gov Scott Walker (R-Wi) aides arrested in an imbroglio that involves stealing taxpayer money and a secret "off the books" network that includes RNC chair Reince Priebus (dailykos.com)
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Three adorable bunnies abandoned because they only have two ears between them. And we all know the ears are the most delicious part (dailymail.co.uk)
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Jackie Gleason's plan to get to the Moon would work about as well as Gingrich's (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Capcom inserts Pac-Man into Street Fighter title. The tag explains the rest (g4tv.com)
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William Shatner : Rocket Man :: Joseph Gordon-Levitt : Hey Jude (celebitchy.com)
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Why are so many animals in need of adoption? Because holier-than-thou animal rescue groups don't believe anybody is good enough to be a pet owner (slate.com)
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Since the Iraq War ended there has been little fanfare for the veterans returning home. St. Louis is about to fix all of that (hosted.ap.org)
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Finally, one of life's mysteries solved. Now someone tell me why fancy ketchup is so damn fancy (mentalfloss.com)
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| (MPR) |
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Forget housing or student loans, I'm worried about the beer bubble (minnesota.publicradio.org)
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Mentally retarded man fired from a grocery store for "stealing" $0.20 has been offered his job back, though he's not sure he wants to work for the kind of dicks who would fire a retarded man over twenty cents (news.yahoo.com)
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Salvage divers, who have apparently never watched a single sci-fi movie, ever, plan to return to investigate an extremely large and mysterious object they discovered on the bottom of the Baltic Sea (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who lost rowboat off the Massachusetts coast surprised when Spain calls asking when he'll swing by to come pick it up (newyork.cbslocal.com)
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Grover Norquist says that if Obama lets the Bush tax cuts expire he should be impeached. Which would be nothing more than the ravings of a madman if half the Congress hadn't sworn an oath of fealty to him last year (news.yahoo.com)
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Ron Paul signed off on racist newsletters. I assume in All-Caps (washingtonpost.com)
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NASCAR and Wal-Mart finally get together. It's as if millions of rednecks cried out in ecstasy (sports.yahoo.com)
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Sales of the song "Let's Stay Together" have went up by 490% since President Obama sang part of the song at a fundraising event. Who says he isn't doing anything to help stimulate the economy? (hollywoodreporter.com)
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CEO of government-backed bank: "Due to uproar over use of tax payer money for bonuses, I've rescinded my £1m bonus." Fails to mention he's getting a £.9m bonus as a replacement (independent.co.uk)
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How far we've come... they used to let any old drunk on Frank Sinatra's show (youtube.com)
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NC Death Row Inmate who mega-trolled his hometown newspaper saying, "Kill me if you can suckers" has been outed by his own sister. Guess he'll get an alt and try again (boston.com)
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John Travolta's stolen classic Mercedes discovered in pieces. Police call it an absolute wreck, needing body work and complete restoration ... but enough about Travolta's career (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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NYC Tfers: If you've seen this kid recently, let the police know. LGT details. Dad is subby's co-worker (articles.dailypress.com)
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| (Some Estonian) |
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Minister who deleted Facebook comments on his page about ACTA claims he did it because he was 'running out of space' (empirechronicles.co.uk)
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Rubbermaid net profits bounce back (marketwatch.com)
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Let's see, what was that called again? Oh right, slavery (cnbc.com)
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Best highlight of the Federer/Nadal semifinal match? The ball boy's catch in the 3rd set (youtube.com)
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Micromet, AmGen to merge, form Anemic GromMet (finance.yahoo.com)
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Mitt Romney actually got hit on Romneycare, and would like to remind you that "it's nothing to get angry about". Because opposing anger appeals to Republicans (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Now there's something you don't see every day: porn stars with their clothes on. Go ahead and look, we won't judge you. (slideshow) (nydailynews.com)
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Revealed at last: from Roald Dahl to Alfred Hitchcock, the stars who told Queen Elizabeth to piss off (mirror.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cleveland Browns beat reporter learns that the difference between a private and public Tweet can cost you your job and that some NFL owners are very thin skinned (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)
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It's kind of tough to market yourself as a socialist champion of the people when your 14-year-old daughter is posting bling pictures online (foxnews.com)
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Joran Van Der Sloot's health deteriorating in new Peruvian prison, still doing better than Natalee Holloway and Stephany Flores (dailymail.co.uk)
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Researchers analyzed DNA remains of 12 thoroughbred stallions born between 1764 and 1930, 330 elite performing modern Thoroughbreds, 40 donkeys and two zebras. And of course Henry the Horse danced the waltz (myfoxdc.com)
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| (daily breeze) |
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California students get an F in grade tampering (dailybreeze.com)
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Think Metallica with Cliff on bass was pretty good? Imagine how much better they could have been with Hulk Hogan (3news.co.nz)
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Americans would rather watch some pointless football game instead of getting married, laid, or employed (businessnewsdaily.com)
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Twitter believes in limitless free expression and stands by those who risk their lives to fight oppression, and it wants you to remember that while it deletes any of their Tweets that might offend thin-skinned regimes, dictators, or despots (cnn.com)
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"It was more of a political statement ... It's not like they were going to go out and shoot the president," said the cop photographed alongside several teenagers with guns posing next to a bullet-ridden Barack Obama T-shirt (myfoxdc.com)
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Proof that if you're going to get trapped in a well, it helps to be an 18 month-old baby girl rather than a 53 year-old black guy (myfoxdc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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High heels destroy a woman's feet and warp the way she walks. Wow, and here I thought walking on your toes while balancing on a five-inch-high spike was good for you (todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Be vewwy, vewwy quiet. I'm hunting initial pubwic offewings (finance.yahoo.com)
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Romney's candidacy is shining a spotlight on the otherwise secretive private equity industry, and the cockroaches are starting to scramble (businessweek.com)
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Woman orgasms during MRI... here are the nuclear launch validation codes, and the coordinates for multiple targets, have at it (thechart.blogs.cnn.com)
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| (Ithaca Journal) |
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Lansing Bj's Open for business. Will blow competition away while sucking economy dry. Swallow (theithacajournal.com)
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I'm Mitt Romney, and I approve this message, until I get questioned about it during a debate, then I don't know what you're talking about (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Another politician learns the valuable lesson on the difference between the "reply" button and the "reply to all" button (wral.com)
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PSA: If you stamp your cocaine shipments with the symbol of the UN in an attempt to get them past customs without inspection, there's a good chance they may get delivered to UN headquarters (bbc.co.uk)
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Woman finds $1 million winning lottery ticket in the trash. Naturally, 2 people are suing her (abcnews.go.com)
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Haiti = Fail: 520,000 people remain in squalid camps, many more returned to wrecked homes rather than endure the camps' inhuman conditions, blamed for driving up violence, rape and pedophilia (dailymail.co.uk)
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How tough is the real estate market in LA? Well, agents are now using unmanned aerial drones (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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From a 16-year-old chicken to a 255-year-old tortoise, these pets lived way longer than most (mentalfloss.com)
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Thu January 26, 2012
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And now for something completely different: Monty Python to reunite in CGI form for new movie that also stars a talking dog named Dennis (variety.com)
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Someone has something to say about the endless season of political debates, and that man is Rick Moranis (bloomberg.com)
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Something different? Here are this weeks NHL Power Rankings (espn.go.com)
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Hotshot NCAA player mimics NBA players with incredible slam dunk. Continues to mimic NBA players by acting like a jackass and getting ejected (sports.yahoo.com)
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Will Romney take it to Gingrich? Will Newt out-Reagan everyone? What's Santorum still doing up there? Something something RON PAUL? It's the final Florida GOP debate.(8pm on CNN) (cnn.com)
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Now this whole Super Bowl rematch thing is starting to get creepy. Really (sports.yahoo.com)
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Ethically challenged and disgraced former House majority leader Tom Delay criticizes ethically challenged and disgraced former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (content.usatoday.com)
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| (Montreal Gazette) |
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Celebrated author Elmore Leonard talks about Justified: "I'm amazed that, sometimes, they've got the characters better than I put them on paper" (montrealgazette.com)
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Monster.com laying off seven percent of its workforce... it's like rain on your wedding day, or something (reuters.com)
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FBI "scraps" social network spying program *wink wink, nudge nudge* (bbc.co.uk)
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Who said Mets fans have nothing to look forward to in 2012? John Franco will be inducted into the Mets Hall of Fame on June 3, before the Mets host St. Louis and get eliminated from the post-season (nj.com)
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In honor of Google's new no opt-out privacy changes, click to check and see what its ad server thinks you are. It thinks I'm a 20-something male, and so do I -Drew (google.com)
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Woman calls 911 six times. Neighbor: "She just wanted cigarettes. That's all she wanted" (wftv.com)
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Study finds religion boosts self-esteem in religious societies, but has no effect in secular ones. Science, on the other hand, makes people everywhere feel AWESOME (livescience.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Indiana gets jealous of all the attention Kentucky is getting, so their senate approves creationism being taught in science class (ibj.com)
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James Farentino, who won an Emmy for playing St. Peter in 1978, meets himself (nytimes.com)
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Obama to Betty White: "WHAR long-form birth certificate, WHAR?" (politico.com)
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After you've been busted for injecting Super Glue into women's butts, the next logical career move is to get attacked on-stage by the victims' parents during a taping of a trashy TV show (sun-sentinel.com)
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| (Bring Me The News) |
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Falcon Heights mayor loses SUV in lake, promises wife he'll get new hobby (bringmethenews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Crack heads, a stripper who looks like a cross between Angelina Jolie and Barbie, a bomb, and electrocution in a hot tub by cat. Then things get weird (bnd.com)
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I didn't think part two of Stephen Colbert's interview with Maurice Sendak could possibly top part one, but then they got high on Magic Markers and all bets were off (uproxx.com)
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Son of U.S. Transportation Secretary will not be allowed to leave Egypt, according to Egyptian officials hoping to get Seal Team 6's autographs (news.nationalpost.com)
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Now THIS is how you troll: NC death row inmate writes letter to his hometown paper describing his "life of leisure" in prison and closing with the line "Kill me if you can suckers. Ha Ha " (abcnews.go.com)
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Darrell Issa says Eric Holder needs to apologize for Operation Fast and Furious. And yet, Vin Diesel is considered blameless (dailycaller.com)
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Scientists at UT Austin have perfected a working "cloaking device" in their lab. Critics say this is yet another example of Obama's lawlessness as this is a blatant violation of the Treaty of Algeron (smh.com.au)
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Tensions rise between England and Argentina over territorial disputes of the Falkland Islands. England remains firm on their control of the islands for strategic sheep purposes (cnn.com)
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| (International Business Times UK) |
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You ever have a moment when a rousing political speech seems like it's plucked straight out of a movie?.....Well sometimes it's worth checking (ibtimes.co.uk)
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It's been 20 years since your football team has done anything but fail spectacularly, so what's a local paper to do when yet another unreached Superbowl's coming and there's empty column inches to fill? TWENTY YEAR REMINISCENCE (washingtonpost.com)
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Fed Chairman Bernanke thinks we may need another stimulus. This reminds me of that quote about doing something over and over again expecting different results (finance.yahoo.com)
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"oh, there's a camera...oops, there goes my bikini top wow, weird. Now let me prance around smiling so you can get all the angles, there we go...and....done". Hudgens shows young starlets how AW'ing is done properly (dailymail.co.uk)
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Three juveniles knock 65-year-old man off bike, try to rob him. Would-be victim obligingly offers them all the bullets he has (wgal.com)
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| (Some earplugs, please) |
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Shriekapalooza: Maria Sharapova and Victoria Azarenka to meet for Australian Open title (cnnsi.com)
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Because, let's face it: one new handgun a month just isn't enough to adequately protect yourself (wtop.com)
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Blu-Ray version of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" reveals embarrassing long-lost details like the 24th Century's version of jorts, the skant (wired.com)
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I ♠ my pets (sun-sentinel.com)
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Restaurants that treat their workers better get more business, especially after customers notice that the saliva flavor is no longer present in their meals (latimes.com)
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Jimmy Buffett has finally launched his "Margaritaville" online social game, and this USA Today reviewer is quite frankly shocked by the rampant commercialism in it. Commercialism. In Margaritaville. Well, I never (travel.usatoday.com)
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They told you you'd get over it. Welcome back to Netflix, schmuck (usatoday.com)
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Snooki shows off new figure after losing nearly 20 pounds. No, she didn't get a haircut. (pics) (dailymail.co.uk)
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There are 4,400 Google searches every month for the phrase "met on a plane". Ergo wemetonaplane.com (cnngo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Can Demi Moore really be suffering from exhaustion?" asks columnist who is also curious as to whether Santa Claus visited on December 25th, if pro wrestling matches are scripted (todayentertainment.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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"Let's go around the room. Tell us what you're in prison for." "Rape." "Murder." "Red-light camera theft." "Making faulty tits." "Robbed a ba-- wait, dude, what?" (cbc.ca)
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It's FARK word problem time: If a four-year-old boy pulls nine bags of weed out of his jacket pocket and hands them over to his teacher, how many of those nine bags will make it to the police evidence room? (reuters.com)
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Would you let your teenage daughter sleep with her boyfriend in your home? (dailymail.co.uk)
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There is still an American held hostage in Somali--is there a rescue plan for this person? Let's look at some facts: White? Check. Attractive? Check. Female? NO. Sorry dude, you're on your own (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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"The selection of a Republican candidate for the presidency of this globalized and expansive empire is the greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance that has ever been." This is obviously false because Fidel Castro said it (nation.foxnews.com)
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Nancy Pelosi has dirt on Newt says he will never become President. I know what it is, just let me see what these guys in black suits at my door want (gawker.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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In a shocking turn of events, public officials determine that God is a lousy babysitter (citizensvoice.com)
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Farking magnetic fields: why do galaxies have them? And do they make barriers at the edges that turn Sally Kellerman into a silver-eyed super-powered mutant? (physorg.com)
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Romney wants Castro to self-deport himself right off the planet. Wait, when did Cuba get a space program? Why are we just hearing about this now? IT'S A CONSPIRACY (upi.com)
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Black market IT (gawker.com)
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Forget farking and fracking, focus on fear of FERC (boston.com)
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Rockwell reports 22% surge in net income, the feeling of people watching them (jsonline.com)
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Birdman is going to place a bigger bet on the Super Bowl than you'll make in your life. Leaves subby stuntin' like his daddy (sports.yahoo.com)
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| (Hardball Talk) |
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Miami's new stadium will be called "Marlins' Park" to start the season. Fark can do better. (VE) (hardballtalk.nbcsports.com)
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Grieving could be added to a list of legitimate medical disorders. You'll get over it (with the help of these pills) (nytimes.com)
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With Detroit adding Prince Fielder, Miguel Cabrera will move to third base to balance out the infield. Literally to keep it from tipping over (espn.go.com)
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Girl eats nothing but McDonald's chicken nuggets for 15 years, lives (thesun.co.uk)
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Things Pat Sajak has seen spinning on "Wheel of Fortune" include the wheel, the letters, and the room (huffingtonpost.com)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 351: "Stoned". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
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Wed January 25, 2012
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Lepers criticize Wallace & Gromit filmmakers over leprosy joke. Oh, c'mon, pull yourselves together (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Couple steals 11 pregnancy tests, man's bond set at $400,000. If he thinks that's bad, wait until he sees the child support payments (ktre.com)
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Newt thinks we should upload our firewalls and hack the internets against China and Russia (wired.com)
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| (Emirates 24/7) |
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Things most girls do with grandma: learn crafts, cook. Things most girls don't do with grandma: pose together in lingerie for a photo shoot (emirates247.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mel Gibson on Tom Hardy getting his blessing to play Mad Max: "Sure. It's fine. Knock yourself out. I've got better things to do." Like Russian models (moveablefest.com)
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NYC amputee-diabetic campaign features man who had his leg 'shopped off (nytimes.com)
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Man bolts from Georgia pet store with an $1,800 puppy. Seriously? $1,800 for a puppy? What is wrong with this country? (wrcbtv.com)
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Pro tip: If you're trying to defuse an artillery round, an acetylene torch is probably not the best tool for "tinkering" with it (news.com.au)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Why would Miley Cyrus buy her boyfriend a penis cake? Why would she pretend to lick it? Why do I care? Why do you care? I think it was Jean Paul Sartre who said, "Penis?" (socialitelife.com)
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"The notion that this nation is one big team that acts collectively toward shared goals would be completely foreign to the men who founded it. But that is Obama's concept of America" (nationalreview.com)
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From the maker of "Corporations are people" meet "Well, the banks aren't bad people. They're just overwhelmed right now." Bank of America twirls it's Snidely Whiplash mustache as he nods in agreement (foxnews.com)
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Violent sex offender in California gets off with a mere slap on the wrist... well, 195 wrists to be exact (foxnews.com)
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Obama close to settlement with big banks where he finally puts the wood to them and anybody who actually believes that stopped reading and is again scattering rose petals before His Beloved Awesomeness (thenation.com)
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Let's go back to Cold War days, when random stretches of the autobahn could be converted to emergency runways in just hours, suitable for launching fighters and landing cargo planes (youtube.com)
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If you thought Starbucks beer and wine would be expensive, wait until your local theater gets in the business. A 64 ounce beer and a cubic meter of popcorn? $75 (oregonlive.com)
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Florida retirees confused by how to fix Social Security, along with the Google, rock music, and their VCRs (boston.com)
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Amanda Knox plans to return to Italy. This should end well (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Red State) |
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Difference between the 2008 and 2012 primaries? In 2008, Democrats fight over two highly electable candidates. In 2012, Republicans fight over two highly flawed candidates and neither side thinks the other can win (redstate.com)
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Man who was arrested by police for robbing a police officer at knifepoint and fleeing capture while naked tells judge that he can't be prosecuted because he was possessed by something "joyriding" in his body (abc.net.au)
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Joan Rivers undergoes ANOTHER cosmetic surgery. In related news, EPA states that upon her death she can not be cremated (dailymail.co.uk)
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Three new questions raised by Mitt Romney's tax returns. Most notable question? "How many wives do you have?" (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (KATC.com) |
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Drunk driver fish-tails on Interstate 10 in Louisiana, swerves into the opposite lane, causes multi-truck pileup, staggers around, resists arrest and gets tasered. The Aristocrats (katc.com)
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Why they changed it I can't say. Maybe these relics will indicate people just liked it better that way (nytimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Secret Service took a man attempting to deliver a "spiritual message" to former president Bush into custody. Apparently the message involved a gun (wfaa.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Doing 90 in a school zone while you're stoned and naked? You can forget about that job at Bank of America (palicense.blogspot.com)
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Archaeology is a dry, boring profession, until you discover the mass grave of 54 Jomsviking mercenaries of Harald Bluetooth, decapitated in the St Brice's Day Massacre of 1002. Then it's all FUS RO DA (bbc.co.uk)
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Urban coyotes loving living in cemetery because it's quiet, has plenty of cover, lots of chew toys (abcactionnews.com)
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Florida city votes to put fluoride back in the water. Apparently they never googled tooth and plaque conspiracy. And Metallica (tampabay.com)
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World's largest cut emerald, shaped like watermelon, to fetch $2 million (english.pravda.ru)
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Oh yeah this seems fair: The teams playing in the Superbowl get to split 35% of the available seats at the Stadium to offer to their season ticket holders and players-and that's after the league takes 12,000 seats off the top (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Just as you've always suspected, meetings make you stupid (cosmopolitan.com)
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Mitch Daniels' State of the Union rebuttal isn't a pack of lies, let's just say he takes creative license with reality (npr.org)
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Okay, it's the morning after that beautiful speech, so go out and help round up those starry-eyed liberals still wandering around in a orgasmic daze and let them read over some Obama fact checking. Warning: be ready for weeping (washingtonpost.com)
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The House on Tuesday approved a measure that seeks to permit religious symbols on federal war memorials; betting pool now open on how long before the first pentagram is erected for the lulz (latimes.com)
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Obama: I'm sorry that my State of the Union milk joke sucked, but I was too busy directing the military to invade Somalia on a hostage rescue mission to write a better one (miamiherald.com)
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Analysis: For Obama 2012, "it's all about the 99 percent". Well, at least until he gets 51 percent, then it's back to the 1 percent (reuters.com)
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Chad Ochocinco does not respond to Twitter follower for two years. Finally responds to fan with a trip to the AFC Championship Game, complete with plane tickets, hotel room, and baptism (sports.yahoo.com)
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200,000 years ago women were putting on red ochre lipstick and asking whether this cave bear hide gave them mammoth butts (physorg.com)
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If you left 25 pounds of meth in a suitcase at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, police would like a word with you (ajc.com)
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Tue January 24, 2012
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Scientists grow weary of trying to cure cancer, take time off to create magnetic soap (labspaces.net)
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Dogologists at the Westminster Kennel Club announce six brand-new breeds for this year's show, including the Octo-Retriever, the Scottish Laser Hound, and the Snooki (sacbee.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Criminal mastermind uses stolen welfare benefits card to purchase $64 worth of soda to get almost $11 in return from the automated can-recycling machine, which she also broke (itemlive.com)
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Will Biden do something stupid? Will Boehner cry? Will Obama say anything relevant? It's your Official State Of The Union Address Thread (newsday.com)
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Hm, let's take a look at the tax returns of Obama, Gingrich, and Romney side-by-side. Pay special attention to the charity section (money.cnn.com)
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| (Houston Press) |
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Experts say to expect more arrests of people shoving steak down their pants as meat prices skyrocket this year (blogs.houstonpress.com)
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| (VA.gov) |
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Department of Veterans Affairs responds to FOIA request by Ancestry.com by providing personal information, service dates and social security numbers of 2,200 not-quite-dead veterans (va.gov)
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"How to raise the next Steve Jobs." No mention of letting your precious snowflake take LSD and drop out of school to backpack around India (cnn.com)
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How do you say streetlight in Russian? (liveleak.com)
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Luxury retailers across Europe had a banner year, thanks to Chinese shoppers (cnn.com)
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Cut $50 million from Kentucky's education budget, or cut $43 million for theme park based on literal interpretation of Noah's Ark...decisions, decisions. Bonus: Governor complains about not having enough for education (forbes.com)
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"'Sometimes if your candidate loses ... you kind of get your panties in a wad and you may say things that you regret later,' Palin said Monday - without any hint of irony - on the Fox Business Network" (nydailynews.com)
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Psst...Ahmed, Look out the window, is the carrier gone? You sure? okay. *clears throat* You western Imperialist dogs had better drop your sanctions against Iran if you want to keep using the Straits of Hormuz (cbsnews.com)
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Michael Jackson arrested in Moscow subway for stealing wallet from passenger (english.pravda.ru)
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Music Industry: Oh, that's OK, we don't need SOPA or PIPA, we have enough clout with the Feds to shut down our competitors right now (plus.google.com)
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Bill Maher on SOPA. Let me sum it up: "I didn't read the bill, but I'm for it" (youtube.com)
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Instead of being ecstatic that their team made the Super Bowl, working class New Yorkers are whining about how expensive the tickets are, while the 1-percenters are whining about the lack of 5-star hotels in Indianapolis (nypost.com)
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| (Kingsport Times News) |
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Tennessee DOT says I-81 meets safety standards and those cars flying off the highway into your yard are your own problem (timesnews.net)
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Warren Buffett's Burlington Northern railroad comes up a winner from the Obama administration's decision to reject the Keystone XL oil pipeline permit (sfgate.com)
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Woman fights off intruder by beating him senseless with a bedpost, gets offers from Yankees, Dodgers (newsobserver.com)
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British government insists it has a totally innocent explanation for why it bought twice as many Olympic tickets for beach volleyball as for athletics (bbc.co.uk)
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Final Marine pleads guilty in Haditha massacre of 24 Iraqis. Faces up to 3 months confinement, cut in pay, reduction in rank and a sternly-worded letter (reuters.com)
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Do you sell merchandise online? If so, prepare to meet your new worst tax nightmare, Form 1099-K (consumerist.com)
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| (Some Happy Guy) |
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Leading researcher says magic mushrooms could treat depression, details results of study involving seven pink unicorns, two rainbow colored Andean mountain goats and a really long chat with Jim Morrison's ghost (tgdaily.com)
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Wisconsin man gets nailed for 11th DUI. All you eight & nine DUI perps are just a bunch of pikers (jsonline.com)
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Kristin Cavallari admits her pregnancy was an accident. Just like most of Cutler's successful completions (tmz.com)
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Trekkie gets married. Trekkie gets divorced. And that's how his painstaking recreation of his 1 bedroom flat into the Starship Voyager in gets tossed into the doomsday machine (theregister.co.uk)
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Warriors blow 20-point lead over Grizzlies in worst choking incident since Dubya vs. Pretzel (sfgate.com)
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Complete list of the nominations for the 84th Academy Awards nominations. Lowlight: No Michael Fassbender. Lower note: Sarah Palin got a nomination. Seriously (hitfix.com)
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Nudity clauses are now becoming standard in network TV contracts. That reminds me, just what is Dennis Franz up to these days? (nypost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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New book claims you can prevent cancer by A: Taking baby aspirin? B: Eating lunch at the same time each day? C: Wearing better shoes? or D: All of the above? (www2.macleans.ca)
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So why did Billy Cundiff miss the field goal in the Raven/Patriots game? Here are the behind-the-scene details showing that timing is everything (deadspin.com)
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50 Cent bet on Giants returns $500,000 - and they say gambling gets a bad rap (wonderwall.msn.com)
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| (Madison.com) |
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Jim Irwin has been reunited with Max McGee to call a Superbowl with Etta James at halftime in the great beyond (host.madison.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Protip of the day: If you are going out drinking with a 13 year old, it is probably best not to let her drive, especially if she is drunk (ktvb.com)
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Followers of deposed dictator Gaddafi retake several cities and towns and force the new Libyan army into retreat in some areas. Well that worked out well (reuters.com)
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Aretha Franklin calls off wedding, says that she needs to think (think, think) about what he's trying to do to her, decides she needs her freedom (freedom), freedom (freedom), freedom, ooh freedom (news.yahoo.com)
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Hobbyist is out flying R/C plane with camera. Look at the pretty landscape--green fields, lush trees, river of blood flowing off behind a meat plant...wait, WHAT? (jalopnik.com)
|
Mon January 23, 2012
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How "Return of the Jedi" should have ended (io9.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Band camp a bore? Try Hellboy summer camp were you'll get training in paranormal investigations, zombie attack survival, meet the Hellboy artists and much more (wweek.com)
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How does Santorum respond to the (now cliche) old lady calling Obama an "avowed Muslim"? With crickets (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photos of the graveyard of Soviet spacecraft (saoirse-2010.livejournal.com)
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| (Some Green Trekker) |
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Star Trek sequel gets a bigger budget, which can only mean one thing: More hot green chicks (trekmovie.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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And now here's Chris Jericho to write the headline for the go-home RAW (9PM ET, USA) before the Royal Rumble this Sunday: (whatculture.com)
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Netherlands becomes bored, creates world's largest NES controller. Your move, America (g4tv.com)
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Veteran without health insurance and in need of a new kidney accidentally buys lottery ticket, wins $14.3 million. First thing he plans to buy is health insurance (gawker.com)
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John Kerry has earned yet another purple heart (abcnews.go.com)
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After BJs, Costco is eager to penetrate deeper into Virginia (washingtonpost.com)
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In a stunning display of rational discourse, Arkansas conservatives hold a productive town hall meeting with a local Democratic campaign manager about their concerns. Just kidding; they kill his cat and scrawl LIBERAL on it (warning: graphic) (thinkprogress.org)
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Heidi Klum is divorcing Seal because he keeps getting more than a little bit crazy (tmz.com)
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Six days left to bid on slightly damaged cruise ship. Reserve already met (news.com.au)
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Ralph Fiennes reads Voldemort slash fiction aloud while wearing pajamas. This is a very specific fetish (gammasquad.uproxx.com)
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LAPD detective Phillp Vanatter, who led the OJ Simpson investigation, has died at age 70 from cancer. However, cancer released a statement today denying involvement in Vanatter's death and vowing to find the real killer (news.yahoo.com)
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RNC Chairman Reince "yes, that really is my name" Priebus says a long, drawn-out primary fight will be good for the GOP nominee come November. Pretty much everyone else says the opposite, though (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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You can't really say your Sweet Sixteen party is a success until at least six people get shot (news.yahoo.com)
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Paul Krugman's glass half-full runneth over in optimism for the first time in three years: "It could be worse" (nytimes.com)
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Meet the (old) new face of evil: Amazon (npr.org)
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The media doesn't know the difference between venture capitalism and private equity, and their confusion is benefiting Mitt Romney (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rand Paul detained by TSA for being a free thinker (facebook.com)
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A review of Obama's past State of the Union speeches reveals they're heavy on hope, pretty light on the actual change (foxnews.com)
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Alright, alright, alright. Matthew McConaughey brings back character from Dazed and Confused in new music video. Evidently we keep getting older, but he stays the same age (hitfix.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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After failing to ban Sharia law, the Oklahoma state legislature is ready to solve another non-problem: new bill bans use of aborted fetuses in food. My omelette could really use more embryo (addictinginfo.org)
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| (Some Dog) |
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There is a large spike in Christmas gift returns ...to animal shelters (kfoxtv.com)
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Jim Carrey's daughter got her golden ticket to Hollywood after auditioning for American Idol in San Diego. There is one serious flaw that could spell doom, she's the spitting image of Miley Cyrus. (pics, vid) (bittenandbound.com)
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Detroit's latest problem: coyotes. Nothing the Red Wings can't take care of (wxyz.com)
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Fourteen albums that inexplicably went platinum. Like Baha Men's Who Let The Dogs Out (avclub.com)
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How is Zynga spending all of that awesome IPO money? They're spending $300 in marketing for each new customer, who then spends an average of $150. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG (games.ign.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this energetic exchange (pdnphotooftheday.com)
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Elementary school finds novel way of encouraging students to excel: read well and you get to throw food at the principal (nwfdailynews.com)
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When sandwiches get pretentious. The anti-Blimpie, if you will (shortlist.com)
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Birdwatchers flocking to see rare white blackbird before it moves to better neighborhood (bbc.co.uk)
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State of the Union speech set for Tuesday. Networks unsure whether to label it as reality, fiction, comedy or horror (cbsnews.com)
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Paul Martin calls on Stephen Harper to admit mistake. Stephen Harper calls on Paul Martin to unify quantum physics with general relativity, balance the U.S. budget, and battle his evil double from an alternate reality to the death first (canada.com)
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Britain, the United States and France successfully complete "Operation I'm Not Touching You" (telegraph.co.uk)
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Gingrich said the $300,000 penalty he was ordered to pay by the House Ethics Committee was a reimbursement for the cost of the investigation, and that "on every single count, I was exonerated" (thinkprogress.org)
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Teens are getting dates to school dances in new, wacky ways. What happened to simple begging and/or chloroform? Kids these days (latimes.com)
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In a scene straight out of Monty Python, the Welsh are considering using bees to deter vandals (bbc.co.uk)
|
Sun January 22, 2012
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Anonymous completely (though briefly) deletes CBS.com from the Internet (rawstory.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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"Nowitzki will miss 4 games to improve conditioning." Because running up and down a basketball court for 48 minutes is no way to get in shape (cnnsi.com)
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Iowans upset that they have to wait for up to three years for a hunting permit while celebrities like Bo Jackson can just waltz in and get one whenever they want. Funny who Iowans consider celebrities (desmoinesregister.com)
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Just when you've been thinking "Hey, I haven't seen any real good videos yet this winter, of cars sliding and crashing down an icy hill." Behold, cars sliding and crashing down an icy hill in Utah (liveleak.com)
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Mitt Romney develops uncanny hindsight, decides to release his tax returns on Tuesday (boston.com)
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The Dong is only inflating 17%. Hey Vietnam, they have medications for that now (businessweek.com)
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Baby Boomers, who refused to save for retirement, ran up the national debt and bankrupted Social Security, have told their kids "The only 'inheritance' you'll get is the bill for all the debt we've run up" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Body count for Costa Concordia skewed due to unregistered stowaways. Attractive young women to be interrogated about any rakish good-looking ne'er-do-wells they might have met on their trip (bloomberg.com)
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Boehner admits he may hold payroll tax cut hostage to get Obama to approve the Keystone XL pipeline. Holding something hostage unless your political demands are met? I believe there's a word for that (rawstory.com)
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Never-seen photos of Big Blue, back in the day when NFL players looked like plumbers and truck drivers ... and had to plumb and drive trucks in the off-season to make ends meet (life.com)
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| (Urban Christian News) |
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The Urban Christian News gets a little too urban in their coverage of Notre Dame's win over Syracuse (see cover photo) (urbanchristiannews.com)
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Gringrich finally says something everyone can agree with in a tweet about Chuck Norris: "He will make an excellent Secretary of Attack" (myfoxdfw.com)
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| (nfl.com) |
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Chad Ocho Cinco won't play in AFC Championship game. This isn't a repeat from last year, or 2010, 2009, 2008, or pretty much every year that he has been in the league (nfl.com)
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The late, great Sam Cooke born this day in 1931. Here's the song which helped set the mood while your dad and mom watched the submarine races (youtube.com)
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10. Start putting your money on Obama in November and keep betting until the house runs out of paper (politico.com)
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Hmm, wonder why she got prison. *clicks* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH OH NOOOO GET THE BLEACH (orlandosentinel.com)
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Bird gets a chance to take part in Bluegrass Festival. No perches necessary (youtube.com)
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Turns out that thousands of Egyptians died in the street to remove a dictator in order to vote in a new one. Welcome to the Arab Winter (washingtonpost.com)
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Random Question of the Day: You are a mad scientist. What genetic changes would you make in the human species? (fark.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scared, naked, and sitting on a toilet bowl for 902 days in a row in no way to go through life (yourhealth.com.sg)
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Why don't we get things started? The 10 best Muppet Show guests (guardian.co.uk)
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Greetings. I am a member of the Nigerian Royal Family and need your assistance in securing the release of the American hostage. I await your bank account number so that arrangements can be made. This is 100% safe and is not a scam (ajc.com)
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| (Some Geezer) |
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What do you remember from your childhood that is no longer sold today like colored TP, Sani-Flush cleaner, Lawn Darts, Bromo-Seltzer? Get off my lawn (blog.toiletpaperworld.com)
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Pass the stuffing, Turkey has just completed the world's first triple-limb transplant (mirror.co.uk)
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Swiss ski federation smells something fishy with woman's performance enhancing underwear (newsfeed.time.com)
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Sat January 21, 2012
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Yet another Bonnie & Clyde robbery (news.yahoo.com)
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Often enough, where there's smoke, there's fire. But sometimes a cat just pissed on an electrical outlet (yourlife.usatoday.com)
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James Carville writes an open letter to the GOP establishment: "Let me break it to you gently -- you've got a first-class disaster on your hands" (cnn.com)
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Former vegan embraces his new career as a butcher, while still retaining a smug sense of superiority: "I see the 'hipification' of butchery in urban areas like Brooklyn and San Francisco," he says (npr.org)
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Costa Cruises makes generous settlement offer to Concordia survivors: 30% off their next cruise (telegraph.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gay couple, one of whom is an injured Iraq war veteran, denied family membership to Ohio gym: "Your marriage isn't real" (wkyc.com)
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If visiting "Dog Sh*t Village" was on your bucket list, we have bad news for you (thesun.co.uk)
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 |
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McDonald's: let's start a #McDStories hashtag and collect the praises of our happy customers. Happy customers: "...I'd rather eat my own diarrhea" (business-news.thestreet.com)
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| (Some Pagan Dad) |
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Pagan mom who challenged Bibles in public school now getting death threats and harassment: "I'm hoping it's just some idiot trying to scare me into shutting up" (citizen-times.com)
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Could the internet ever be destroyed? Just in case, here's a handy guide how to do it (scientificamerican.com)
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The smart way to play god with...okay, that's it, we really need to get these geeks out of the lab and get them to the movies (scientificamerican.com)
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Here's an easy, step-by-step guide to help you get lucky at your next Fark party (foxnews.com)
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Looking for a unique summer camp experience that will also put your kids on the fast track to a lucrative and exciting career? Well, Mexico's Zetas cartel has got just the place for you (theatlanticwire.com)
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We've upgraded the traditional Running of the Bulls with a new version, in which flaming balls of wax are affixed to the bull's horns. Let's see how that plays out, shall we? (sfgate.com)
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After town council spends over a decade and £18 million to clear illegal traveler settlement from campsite, travelers set up new campsite next door (dailymail.co.uk)
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Two years in, America is on track to meet Obama's goal of doubling exports in five years (nytimes.com)
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After months of public-relations blunders, Netflix runs the closing credits for its CMO (businessweek.com)
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It's Squirrel Appreciation Day and I didn't get you a card. Nuts (mnn.com)
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Archaeological discoveries in the Amazon show extensive urban development, which is complete nonsense since we know Columbus created the first cities by burning down all the natives and exploiting them for oil (nytimes.com)
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I've got to admit it's getting better/it's a little better all the time/it can't get no worse (dailykos.com)
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Man arrested for wearing Occupy jacket at Supreme Court. Welcome to the New America, citizen (youtube.com)
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The market for E-cigarettes is smoking hot. Here are the reasons they're so cool (businessweek.com)
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The 10 least plausible movie stunts ever. Complete with SOPA-unfriendly videos (shortlist.com)
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Cricket on the court bugs players at Australian Open, hot ball girl makes one handed save (youtube.com)
|
Fri January 20, 2012
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Pro-tip: Don't rob a bank using your own car as a getaway car if your last name is printed on your vanity plates (utsandiego.com)
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Upsetting news from 1997: Sum 41 pulls out of tour with New Found Glory (starpulse.com)
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Dropped your phone in the toilet? Three new companies say "No problem" but Subby says "Let it go man, cuz it's gone" (news.discovery.com)
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Cop's job description: traffic tickets ✔, bust dope smokers ✔, hassle brown people ✔, mace protestors ✔, more traffic tickets ✔, save 10-year-old boy's life ✖ (foxnews.com)
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Peyton Manning could be mulling over retirement, may seek new career as Dan Marino (msn.foxsports.com)
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If your brother breaks your bong, just let it go man, because it's gone. Or you can get into a brawl and get arrested like these dumbasses. Your choice (pennlive.com)
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Spiffy: Dutch girl becomes youngest sailor to circumnavigate the world. Fark: She can't return home because the government will prosecute her (today.msnbc.msn.com)
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They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Dude's got some pretty red windows. Your weekly mugshot round up (thesmokinggun.com)
|
| (UFC) |
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Can Melvin Guillard win a fight that matters? Will Jorge Rivera win his retirement fight? Can Pat Barry not get submitted? Its your UFC on FX thread. (6:00 ET for prelims on Fuel TV, 9:00 on FX for Main card) (ufc.com)
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Obama signs off on forcing health insurers to almost universally cover contraceptives in their plans. Insurance carriers to announce premium hikes to cover the high cost of women getting not pregnant (thinkprogress.org)
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President Obama sings opening line of Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" at fundraiser, is immediately accused of using Auto-Tune (content.usatoday.com)
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Storm of controversy after a proposed law would outlaw meteorologists from making unauthorized weather predictions (mnn.com)
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| (Courthouse News Service) |
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Protip: if the "clinical trial" in which you're participating costs you $100,000, you're probably only getting a cashectomy (courthousenews.com)
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Jeff Fisher's mullet commits to playing "home" game in London's Wembley Stadium for three straight years; the 2012 matchup will be Jeff Fisher's mullet vs. the Patriots (old.news.yahoo.com)
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It's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz, y'all. Difficulty: No TFD material used this week, and we're writing off Wednesday completely due to drunken shenanigans (fark.com)
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Vancouver police arrest wrong suspect, then arrest correct suspect, then let him go when they realize no crime took place (canada.com)
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At last, leukemia no longer has a hold on Etta James (cnn.com)
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America's secret weapon if Iran closes the Strait of Hormuz? Dolphins (theatlanticwire.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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For those of us who watched every moment of the Al Franken recount saga online and have not yet found anything as gripping and exiting, I offer you the "Scott Walker Recall Ballot Scan Cam". Winter political excitement at its finest (twitter.com)
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In this age of discontent, do billionaires really need to meet at an exotic location to sip on the blood of innocents and tell stories about their wild orgies and coke sessions? Of course they do (cnbc.com)
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A church that is moving into an abandoned strip club is getting a $12,000 donation. To be paid entirely in one dollar bills (sun-sentinel.com)
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Fire at NJ professor's home reveals cache of child porn. Police now investigating whether fire was started on orders from a giant anthropomorphic rabbit (news.yahoo.com)
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NY Mets selling Bankruptcy Field piece by piece (nypost.com)
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Explain something to me. I don't care what, it doesn't even have to be interesting, just explain something to me (fark.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man tells IRS he is a resident of 'heaven,' owes no taxes. Let's see how this one works out for him (floridatoday.com)
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The top 10 most offensive video games of all time. Besides Tetris (techeblog.com)
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Will shutting down MegaUpload mean the end of file sharing websites? Lets have a minute of silence, or 15 seconds if you are a premium user (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Today's new bucket list entry: Have a car accident in Culver City (people.com)
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| (ProBoxing-Fans) |
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So Mayweather called Pacquiao and he said that he said that they said that the fight might probably get done. Maybe (proboxing-fans.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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With the blockage of the Keystone pipeline project, oil companies are scrambling to find alternative transportation methods. In steps Burlington Northern Santa Fe which, coincidentally, was just purchased by Berkshire Hathaway (news.investors.com)
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2012 will be the year Microsoft fights back to the top in the Mobile OS space. This is not a repeat from 2007, 2008, 2009, etc (cnn.com)
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I just want to thank ABC.. all the networks and cable TV in fact, for helping me validate my conclusion that they are mostly Obama's servile, complacent, undistinguished media (SCUM) (hotair.com)
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The Wizards are such a hot commodity that fans are buying tickets so they can sleep during the game (fannation.com)
|
| (Some Drunk) |
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Best pic you will see all day of a town manager in Massachusetts drunk, and passed out on the hood of his car (wtsp.com)
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| (AP) |
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Judge rules Vermont order shutting down state's only nuclear power plant was illegal attempt to regulate nuclear safety (masslive.com)
|
| (Topless Robot) |
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The nine most terrifying, upsetting characters from MST3K films. Yes, Mitchell is on the list (toplessrobot.com)
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| (KJRH) |
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Yet another doctor caught having sex with a patient, except in this case he's an equine veterinarian (kjrh.com)
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Somebody called The Pir Pagara has died - and his obituary may be the most confusing ever writtten, seeing as it combines cricket and Pakistani politics (telegraph.co.uk)
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If you're angry about how little Mitt Romney pays in taxes, what that probably means is that you don't have the deep, thorough understanding of "tax rate" vs. "tax bracket" that USA Today can give you (usatoday.com)
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Gary Glitter Twitter account attracts scorn, but the prize goes to comedian Frankie Boyle's tweet "Hi Gary. Would you say it's you or the captain of the Concordia that's f****d more people in international waters?" (dailymail.co.uk)
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Man drives SUV onto subway tracks, gets stuck in tunnel. You bet alcohol was involved (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Study of 160,000 people reveals shocking discovery: Smart people invest more intelligently in the stock market (abc.net.au)
|
| (Las Vegas Sun) |
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Biden: "...and that's why we need energy for..." Secret Service: "Mr. Vice President we need to evacuate now." Biden: "Well let me answer some qu.." Secret Service: "GET TO THE CHOPPA" (lasvegassun.com)
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Pretty much admitting he was part of the joke all along, Herman Cain and Stephen Colbert will hold a joint political rally tomorrow in SC. If any of you guys are there and don't take pictures, the terrorists win (iheartchaos.com)
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In a sure sign that 2012 is truly the end-of-times, Rick Santorum gets behind ACLU effort to make it easier for blacks to vote (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Thu January 19, 2012
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The secret to being a hipster revealed in new Harvard study, you've probably never heard of it (dailymail.co.uk)
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In retaliation for the shut down of megaupload.com today, Anonymous shuts down DoJ, RIAA, MPAA, and Universal Music websites (gizmodo.com)
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Georgia mom arrested for allowing 10-year-old son to get memorial tattoo for his dead brother. Ear piercing toddlers still o.k. though (abcnews.go.com)
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China unveils pricey "RedPad" iPad clone based on Android, markets it to Communist Party members as patriotic tool for verifying ID cards, reading cadre blogs, managing firms, and oppressing dissidents (reuters.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Obama political ad claims that Politifact certified as "Promise Kept" his campaign promise to clean up ethics in the White House. Politifact: "Um, well that was actually for one specific item back in 2009" (politifact.com)
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Behold, the most phallic places on the planet.. PENIS (Not safe for work-ish) (io9.com)
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| (Oatmeal SOPA Results) |
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"I'm fairly certain getting koala lovemaking on CNN is the highlight of my career" (theoatmeal.com)
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Homeowners: After company started drilling for oil nearby, our water smelled like rotten eggs, contained concrete slurry and gas bubbles that could be ignited with match. State: Coincidence, because we make sure drilling is safe (ohio.com)
|
| (Naked Security) |
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U.K. citizen running TVShack.net based in the U.K. arrested in the U.K. for breaking U.S. copyright law. Wait, what? (nakedsecurity.sophos.com)
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Why wait for SOPA when you can just start purging the internet now? (google.com)
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A planet is getting vaporized by the heat of its star. Seriously, *a whole farkin' planet* (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
|
| (Some Cock Lover) |
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Rescued chickens need your help --- please help knit jumpers for hens who escaped the McNugget factory. LGT Victoria's Secret for Gonzo the Great (littlehenrescue.co.uk)
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Meet the 20,000 new species we discovered last year (io9.com)
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Warren Buffett writes check made out to the United States Treasury for just over $49,000 to help pay down the national debt. Was spent by the time subby finished writing out this headline (finance.yahoo.com)
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Schizophrenia could be a profound form of jetlag in which the turnip's central heating clockwasher runs counter culture to individually wrapped Twinkies creamy centers (newscientist.com)
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Italian doctors discover a man admitted to their hospital was secretly a Time Lord (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)
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Iran claims that after the murder of their scientist, 1,000 students switched their majors to nuclear science. Of course since most used to be "comparative medieval poetry" majors, this isn't expected to help much (abcnews.go.com)
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10 years ago today either the Patriots dynasty was born or you watched the Raiders get jobbed by the NFL in the worst way imaginable, depending on where you live. Happy 10th anniversary to the Tuck Rule game (espn.go.com)
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Now you can get throttled by Virgin too. Submitter had to pay extra for that back in the day (gizmodo.com)
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| (KABC-TV) |
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I managed to get a redlight on "Drew Greenlight Day", so here's Ric Romero's consumer news (abclocal.go.com)
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"Toylet" urinal game making a huge splash, streaming out all over Japan (reuters.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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After a Tibetan set himself on fire in protest, witnesses say the Chinese police tried to put out the flames. Using clubs spiked with nails (asiaone.com)
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Bob Barker would like to remind you to spay or neuter your zoo elephants.... or something like that (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Yes the Murdoch phone hacking scandal is still going on. And yes, it's now confirmed they hacked phones on US soil. It's been nice knowing you, NewsCorp. Don't let the door hit you on the O'Reilly (dailykos.com)
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I'm not saying we spied on them with a pet rock...but we spied on them with a pet rock (telegraph.co.uk)
|
| (Some Dirty Eater) |
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Protip: If TV investigates your dirty restaurant, and the state shuts you down, you prolly should get rid of all of the bugs before you reopen (wtsp.com)
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| (WTSP.com) |
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Man shoots laundromat's change machine. Makes clean getaway. (with video goodness) (winterhaven.wtsp.com)
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Joe Biden (D-erp) is happy to congratulate the Giants on getting to the Superbowl. Apparently, 49ers didn't have the pitching to control the San Francisco Giants big hitters, right Joe? (blog.sfgate.com)
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CDC: You know that level of lead that we used to say was safe for your kids? Yeah, um, it's really only half that. Sorry for your little retard, we'll get it right next time. Hey, look over there -- bird flu (yourlife.usatoday.com)
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100 countries to decide whether to call time out on the leap second because it's just too annoying (cnn.com)
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FOX News: America's most trusted news agency (also the least trusted). Well that settles it (hotair.com)
|
| (Wall Street Pit) |
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Wall Street Pit notes that FARK's stand against SOPA has helped to change the mind of those in Congress (1st paragraph) (wallstreetpit.com)
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| (WOIO) |
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Cameras are not allowed in federal court...so a Cleveland television station does the only reasonable thing and re-creates the day's testimony with puppets (19actionnews.com)
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What's that, two feet from the head on the trail? Yes (washingtonpost.com)
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David Beckham signs two-year extension with L.A. Galaxy, squashing rumors of transfer to Paris St. Germain. Better luck next time, Los Angeles (dailymail.co.uk)
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Been asleep the last 100 years? This will get you caught up on what you missed (youtube.com)
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Now that the SOPA protest is over, let's take a trip back in time, to when Amazon had a marble logo, Twitter didn't have any vowels, and Google - like Fark - still had an exclamation point (thesun.co.uk)
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| (CBS South Carolina) |
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Rick Perry loses Iowa contest, loses New Hampshire contest, and...uh will forget the third contest (www2.wspa.com)
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Parent company of Old Country Buffet files for bankruptcy after realizing that running an "All You Can Eat" restaurant in a country undergoing an obesity epidemic probably isn't such a hot business model (cbsnews.com)
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Buffalo teachers get a firm D for their plastic surgery union benefits (theatlantic.com)
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Out of work. Out of money. Out of health care. But still too proud to take government handouts. Take a look at the real face of the South Carolina voter, but then forget about him because he's not going to vote (washingtonpost.com)
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Want to be a job creator? Stop using that crappy old cellphone, you cheapskate, and upgrade to 4G. I've been a job creator for almost a year now and should be getting my tax cut any day now (money.cnn.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Priceline killing off Shatner's 'Negotiator' character. Maybe now he'll have time to get us that long-awaited T.J. Hooker reunion movie (duluthnewstribune.com)
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| (kfor) |
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Local residents react to Garth Brooks suing hospital. Actual quote: "He is an icon. It would be different if he were a Sandusky at Penn State or something like that" (kfor.com)
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Soccer player stops play instead of scoring easy goal so opponent can get medical attention (break.com)
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Terrell Owens signs w/Dallas. Get your popcorn ready (espn.go.com)
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| (Detnews.com) |
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Pistons run out of gas, get eaten by Wolves (detroitnews.com)
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The Iranian fisherman Rescue trifecta is now complete (huffingtonpost.com)
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10 icy and impenetrable snow forts. Your mom's heart mysteriously absent (gadgetbox.msnbc.msn.com)
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Pagan mom: "You can't hand out Bibles in school." School: "They're donations. We'd do the same for any donated holy book." Pagan mom: "Fine, here's some copies of my spellbook." School: *crickets* (foxnews.com)
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Carnival Cruises, the parent company to Costa, will offer the victims of the sunken liner a $500 voucher, $100 onboard credit for a future cruise and a complimentary "How To Make a Towel Animal" booklet (news.yahoo.com)
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"Come, sayeth the Lord" (life.nationalpost.com)
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| (Visual.ly) |
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Your pets get cheap food and the occasional people food snack. Here are how the 1% of pets live (visual.ly)
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Researchers say black doctor community better at unspoken language, frowning on your shenanigans (upi.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Merle's been feeling Haggard lately so he canceled concert dates for the near future. The country music legend is currently recovering in a hospital, hoping to return soon (ledger-enquirer.com)
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Hiding under the bed didn't work when you tried it on your parents, let's see how it does against the cops (mlive.com)
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Florida Department of Law Enforcement needs to test new Breathalyzers, but how? Buy a bunch of Jim Beam and Doritos and get the employees drunk, of course (heraldtribune.com)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 350: "Straight Out of Camera". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
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Wed January 18, 2012
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So, today, can I really get a green simply by linking a GIS to baboons kicking each other in the nuts? (google.com)
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An Al-Qaeda magazine was found smuggled into Guantanamo Bay prison. No word if it was an issue of Internet Tough Guy (dailymail.co.uk)
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Even on a day when everything is greenlit, there is no way a slideshow of the 50 greatest Duke basketball players would get green lit on Fark.com... is there? (duke still sucks) (bleacherreport.com)
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The Daily Kos gives props to Fark for participating in Anti-SOPA Internet Blackout Day (dailykos.com)
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I just saw that today is the 10th anniversary of the day I signed up for a Fark account (after lurking for a year or so). Come and tell me how much I suck and/or need to get a life. How many of you other 10+ year oldtimers are still around? (fark.com)
|
| (Some Grinding Kid) |
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Because you can't do anything today on the internets because of SOPA and PIPA protests, here's some local Iowa news about grinding at Iowa school dances (kcci.com)
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Challenge: name one food that is not better with chocolate and/or cheese on it (fark.com)
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| (Some TFette who wants a greenlight) |
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WETF*G - Posts ending in 2 or 6 pick the next word. First word: SOPA (food.sndimg.com)
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| (Some Guyism) |
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Site gives Fark top billing for their SOPA/PIPA protest...then drones on as to why it's stupid and why they're a better aggregator (guyism.com)
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About one million American homeowners would get writedowns in the size of their mortgages under a proposed deal with banks over shady foreclosure practices (news.yahoo.com)
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MainStreet picks FARK as one of the 5 sites with the most creative SOPA protest (mainstreet.com)
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In a test of Drew's sobriety or lack thereof, we've replaced this link to a reputable news story with one that goes to a certain male singer singing a very irritating song. Lets see if he greens it (youtube.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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What is your favorite wet salad? Subby chooses cole slaw (google.com)
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American Idol season 11 begins now. Lets talk about all the horrible auditions (fark.com)
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So Jerry was all like "oh no you didn't" and Gretchen was all like "bring it mutha@#$" and the crowd was going "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry" (huffingtonpost.com)
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You know what else SOPA/PIPA will destroy? Our ability to see William Shatner sing "Rocket Man", and dammit Jim, I don't wanna live in that world (youtube.com)
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In honor of the fact that even today Subby can't seem to get a Farking greenlight, here's a video of Charlie Brown, Lucy, and a football. Enjoy it while you can (youtube.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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NY and SF mayors bet on NFC championship game. If the Giants win, a cable car gets repainted in Giants colors. If the 49ers win, 49th Street will become 49ers Street (abclocal.go.com)
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At this point subby is beginning to think that even a video of some random guy doing a bass cover of Cid Creole & the Coconuts' "Endicott" has a fighting chance. (difficulty: is actually pretty good) (youtube.com)
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Religious leaders sign letter opposing gay marriage because if it were legal, they'd be seen "as bigots, subjecting them to the full arsenal of government punishments and pressures reserved for racists" (sltrib.com)
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Newt Gingrich adds yet another important woman to his life (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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The Atlantic recognizes Fark for protesting SOPA and cultivating "the creativity that makes the Internet great" (theatlantic.com)
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While we're doing really random topics, at least let's consider one that will have an impact on history: If you ran for President, what would you make your #1 issue? (fark.com)
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This whole SOPA-PIPA thing should be settled the only way it can be, in a game of CROSSFIREEEEEEEEEE. LGT commercial (youtube.com)
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Navy's newest mine hunting vessel cannot detect mines (wired.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Woman who was hit by lightning last summer when she was 3 months pregnant gives birth to healthy baby girl. No word if "Sopa Pipa Alberti" has super powers yet (kktv.com)
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Mitt Romney is a kind and generous soul who has been giving millions of dollars per year to one particular charity. And that "charity" is a certain church known for its magic underwear, golden tablets, and talking rocks (news.yahoo.com)
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| (KVIA.com) |
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Man spends a week in the hospital for pneumonia, a few weeks later gets $44 million bill, promptly returns to same hospital after heart attack (kvia.com)
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I've always thought a video of the Hanshin Tigers 7th inning stretch was green worthy (youtube.com)
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Still getting green? Here's me hand-cutting 12oz Rib-eyes (youtube.com)
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My 10 year HS reunion is this year; I don't want to go. Didi you go to any of your HS reunions? Why or why not? It is even necessary to have reunions now that Facebook let's you keep in touch with everyone? (fark.com)
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This is the car I'm buying and you can all make fun of me but I don't care cuz it's Drew's Pro SOPA free green light day and it gets 200mpg and I love run on sentences almost as much as I love slashies and bie (knol.google.com)
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Dude, you're getting an insider trading indictment (news.yahoo.com)
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| (GigaOM) |
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Now that iPhone is finally available on all three major carriers, iOS marketshare in the US has just jumped from 25.1% in October to 44.5% in December. See, they didn't need to sue everyone into submission after all (gigaom.com)
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| (The Local - Swiss) |
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If you fall asleep on a train and miss your stop, just let it go man, because it's gone (thelocal.ch)
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If SOPA/PIPA passes, you'll never be able to watch a YouTube video with Yakety Sax again (youtube.com)
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Maximum Trolling² : Herman Cain says he's in on Stephen Colbert's S.C. primary prank, tells detractors to 'lighten up' (foxnews.com)
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Since this is getting deleted anyway. GREENLIGHT THIS My 8th grade students playing Brown Eyed Girl on steel drums. OMGWTFLOL (youtube.com)
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The debate over SOPA and PIPA raises an important question: Which is more powerful in Street Fighter II, Ryu's Dragon Punch or Sagat's Tiger Uppercut? (fark.com)
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All good internets are self-haxored, so Ima havto see NPR says sheeple angree about "WHAR CONGRESS DO WITH MY INTERNETS???" (npr.org)
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| (Inquisitr) |
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"Fark is one of the few sites supporting SOPA and PIPA." The Inquisitr is one of the few sites that didn't get the joke. (last item) (inquisitr.com)
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The good news: we really aren't getting any fatter. The bad news: we really aren't getting any skinnier, either (reuters.com)
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Mediaite's survival guide to January 18, 2012′s internet blackout includes the action/reaction of FARK (1st section) (mediaite.com)
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"A bottle of wine or a bottle of beer for a dollar could attract problems" I got 99 problems, but sobriety thanks to Dollar General selling alcohol ain't one (indystar.com)
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| (Daily Dot) |
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Fark is "supporting" SOPA/PIPA so that they can take a break. Don't let Drew get time off that easy (dailydot.com)
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George Lucas says he wants to retire from blockbusters and focus on indie art films. Not a repeat from 1991, 1999, or 2005, this is (entertainment.time.com)
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If Drew and Microsoft agree that something is bad, then it's probably pretty damn bad. And Drew and Microsoft agree that SOPA is bad. QED (zdnet.com)
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Network World gives FARK lots of credit during the SOPA blackout by telling its readers "As is generally the case, they're marching to a different beat over at Fark" (update 3) (networkworld.com)
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Detroit "educators" double-down, say they have no problem using slavery to teach math. Followup tag leans on Fail tag's shoulder, weeps in despair (upi.com)
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Today I realized that I've been pretty much an asshole my entire life, and I am ready to change. Any suggestions? (fark.com)
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Lose the Frisbee over the fence while playing Frisbee? Yea, that's a bullet to your dog's face. Bonus: a cop shot her (komonews.com)
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| (Beyond cool) |
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Something no one imagined: Zombo.com has blacked out their home page to protest SOPA (zombo.com)
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Russia warns strike on Iran would be a 'catastrophe.' Yes, catastrophic for Iran, but the rest of the world would probably get over it (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The DNC convention has been shortened to three days on the news that all Democrats have to do to win is let Republicans keep talking (charlotteobserver.com)
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Romney: "Did I say that I paid 15%? I actually used a sophisticated series of off-shore financial instruments to avoid paying taxes altogether. I technically qualified for the earned income tax credit in 2008. My bad" (reuters.com)
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| (sports pickle) |
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Packers stock plummets to all-time low of $0.46 a share (sportspickle.com)
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| (KATU) |
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Unusual winter storm dumps snow on Oregon Zoo. Come for the confused cheetahs; stay for the snowman being mauled by lions. Warning: slideshow (katu.com)
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Study finds that the US economy is losing its competitive edge, citing complex taxes, ineffective politics and lagging schools. Fortunately, US still strongly in first place in political theater and generating annoying reality TV stars (chicagotribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ive been a Farker for almost 10 years and have never gotten one damn greenlight...so here's the BattleTech Wiki (sarna.net)
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Starbucks messed up my order. So, in order to get around the mess that is my drink, I downed it. Now, I'm hyper. Help me. Please? (fark.com)
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Patrick Stewart goes RSC on the Alphabet (youtube.com)
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Step forward if you never had a lengthy premarital affair with the sixty-something abortion provider who delivered you as a baby. Not so fast, Karen Santorum (dailymail.co.uk)
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Kitten and baby deer come together for caturd... I mean internet blackout day (youtube.com)
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Many have yet to realize that Youtube, in its current form, would cease to exist, if SOPA passes. Can you imagine life without Cricket; the world's most adorable kitten? (youtube.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If SOPA was approved and in place, Liara T'Soni from Mass Effect would have bigger boobies. SOPA 1, Internet -EE (escapistmagazine.com)
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"Smoking object" thrown at White House during protest while Obamas were mere blocks away. It was an OWS protest, though, so let's not make any fast judgments or assumptions. Poor little scamp probably just wants to be loved (cnn.com)
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Turns out the 1% and the 99% do have something in common. They both want to see taxes raised on everyone but themselves (azcentral.com)
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House Republicans are set to engage in a meaningless gesture to score cheap political points. It's a good thing they shelved SOPA, because meaningless gestures to score cheap political points is copyrighted by Democrats (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Occupy Wall Street movement converges on the West Lawn of the Capitol for massive rally, the largest national gathering of Occupy protesters to date. Reality: a couple of hundred show up (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Hundred Black Out) |
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What happens when a creepy albino guy shows up at a casino with a 1000 stuffed animals? A) He gets 86ed B) He gets a comp C) He takes them to dinner D) All of the above (hundredblackout.com)
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TSA apologizes for strip searching elderly women...also, ugly women, men, women with small boobs, people with hideous disfiguring scars, and pets (nydailynews.com)
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You can't just get into a car chase with police if you're naked. This is especially true if you ARE a cop (yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk)
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Bill O'Reilly can distinguish between Ice-T and Ice-Cube (gawker.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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WIth half the net blank due to SOPA, find out if there is a republican debate tonight (istherearepublicandebatetonight.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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SOPA SOPA SOPA, oh by the way I have a secret illegitimate child I have been hiding from my family. Oh man, it feels good to have that secret out (turnto23.com)
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Nick Foligno does to Dion Phaneuf what everyone wanted to do to Drew for not getting the SOPA trolling, and I want a cheap greenlight for a hockey fight video (video.nhl.com)
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Nick Cannon reveals details of his kidney issues. "We didn't want to say 'kidney failure' so people would think I gotta get new kidneys and Gary Coleman and all that stuff" (news.yahoo.com)
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| (newson6q) |
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Welcome to Sam's Club where you can buy gallon jugs of your favorite salad dressing, ridiculous amounts of toilet paper, $35,000 rings, huge televisions...wait what? (newson6.com)
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Gossip is the only thing that's holding society together, so says these sciencey biatches (io9.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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I just want to congratulate everyone in TFD, including me, for successfully getting in on the greenlight free-for-all, you self-absorbed jerks (merriam-webster.com)
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Netanyahu is a poopy-head and Abbas smells of elderberries SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT TO ME (articles.boston.com)
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Faced with lower investment returns, banks are trying a novel business model: lending (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)
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So everyone was all ZOMG SOPAPIPA and I was all 'wait, what flavor' and now everyone's making jokes about Drew deleting the politics queue. So when does the monkey come out? What's your favorite flavor of cheesecake? (fark.com)
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| (Cambridge News) |
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Youth steals laptop. Owner chases youth, catches youth, retrieves laptop then delivers a masterclass in the ancient art of Rubbing It In (cambridge-news.co.uk)
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ALRIG/ht GODDMN IT YOU KNOWWHAT? PEOPLE ARE ASKING ME WY I SUPPORT SOPA AND WANT ME TO DELETE POLITICS QUEUE GOTOHELL UM GONNAAPPROVE EVERYTHING THEY SUbMIT UntiL IU PASS OUT (fark.com)
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Sarah Michelle Gellar on her atrocious dress at this year's Golden Globes: "My daughter picks out all my red carpet outfits" (starpulse.com)
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Tue January 17, 2012
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How to survive the SOPA blackout day? Main Street suggests FARK (last section) (mainstreet.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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I don't know what aluminum oxynitride is but 1.6" of it will stop a .50 caliber bullet. Oh, by the way it's transparent. Wonder Woman seen at Lockheed HQ (blog.makezine.com)
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"Fixie Index" measures hipsterness of major American metropolises by percentage of fixed-gear bikes per person. It's from an obscure price guide blog you probably never heard of (theatlanticwire.com)
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With gun rights advocates getting concealed carry passed in most states, America has turned into one giant bloodbath. Ha, just kidding. Homicide drops off the list of top 15 causes of death (abcnews.go.com)
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Budget crisis has delayed school repairs and halted the purchase of new laptops and buses at a Florida school. Do they save money any way possible? Or do they debate on spending $111,000 for a new scoreboard (sun-sentinel.com)
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| (Ethics Alarms) |
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"Drew Curtis's clever link collection (FARK) where he simultaneously uncovers interesting news items and attaches one-line jokes to them has proven to be a rich source of ethics stories" (ethicsalarms.com)
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Photoshop this set of coils (cdn4.spiegel.de)
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Netflix executives profited handsomely while lying to investors over the company's financial troubles (deadline.com)
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"And we'd like to welcome you to the Olympic wrestling prelimaries. Competing tonight will be...wait a minute. By gawd, King, that's Kurt Angle's music. What's HE doing here?" (msn.foxsports.com)
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| (MLB Trade Rumors) |
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Detroit Tigers to be less Victor-ious this year (mlbtraderumors.com)
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It's always awkward when you're on a busy train and your wife tells you to look between her legs and you see a head coming out (chron.com)
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Safety conscious Indonesia deals with dangerous situation of people riding on roofs of overcrowded trains by suspending chain-tethered concrete balls above the tracks (pics) (news.yahoo.com)
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Good news, everyone. I've invented a concrete manatee that can live in a creek (pennlive.com)
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Why the check engine light in your car should be banned, as opposed to completely ignored like it is now (jalopnik.com)
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Old and tired: WHAR BIRTH CERTIFICATE OBAMA, WHAR? New hotness: WHAR TAX RETURNS ROMNEY, WHAR? (time.com)
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Cambridge, England to crack down hard on boat rental companies due to aggressive rivalry in marketing Cam punts, risk of Spoonerisms (bbc.co.uk)
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Vanilla Ice is a rapper, breakdancer, actor, amateur wrestler, motorcrosser, Juggalo, vegan, jet-skier, tattoo enthusiast, recovered heroin addict, loving father, "Surreal Life" housemate, and former love interest of Debbie Gibson (mnn.com)
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Unlike the old days, votes can now be bought wholesale. The new process is much more streamlined and efficient than the old methods (washingtonpost.com)
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Charter jet carrying the Detroit Pistons sends out a distress call, GM Joe Dumars considers the same action for the season (foxnews.com)
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Your doctor's lab coat may soon look like a NASCAR jacket (thedailybeast.com)
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Your town might be lonely if everyone gets abuzz when Stephen King mentions it in a novel and you don't care that he misspelled it anyway (telegram.com)
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Gay parents are not only better than their heterosexual counterparts, but they do so by adopting children who are typically "too old," outside of their race, or have special needs. Tag is for anyone, anywhere, who adopts a child (huffingtonpost.com)
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Best place to leave security secrets for the 2012 London Olympics: In the safe at Scotland Yard. Worst place to leave security secrets for the 2012 London Olympics: On the train a million people ride on each day (myfoxdc.com)
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If you can't beat mobile devices, throw them in the toilet. That usually voids the warranty (cnbc.com)
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Nukes? I'm pretty sure a ragtag troop of BP workers is all we need. Thanks, but no thanks (desmoinesregister.com)
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| (TDN) |
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Unsure whether husband or wife was driving car, traffic court judge finds them both guilty of speeding (tdn.com)
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Basketball team gets a Tebowing after they Tebowed. Tebow (dailymail.co.uk)
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Man steals a Karaoke microphone, maybe. Bar owner has a plan to stop him, maybe. Then it gets stupid, no maybe about it (chicagotribune.com)
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Suspicions linger in the death of poet Pablo Neruda/ Some believe he was murdered/ Perhaps by barracuda (news.yahoo.com)
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Recent study isolates the cause of the vast wealth inequity that exists in America today. I won't name names here, but let's just say he had a thing for starting wars in the desert and dressing up in flight suits (washingtonpost.com)
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So, if I'm reading this correctly -- and I'm pretty sure that I am -- the best way to keep your out-of-pocket girlfriend expenses down is to make sure that there are lots of other girls around, too (usatoday.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know how sometimes you're out tending the pasture in your garter belt and tutu and white gloves and then the lead singer for Heart ties you to a bale of hay and starts driving you around on a tractor? I HATE it when that happens (fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net)
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If she gets a restraining order out against you, don't text her a marriage proposal. "Even though u r mad at me will u still marrier me? ... I love you" (nwfdailynews.com)
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Catholic school secretary is also a £150-an-hour bisexual hooker (w/pics) (thesun.co.uk)
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We know you got his ass...we just want to see if we can get it back (myfoxdc.com)
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Timmies changes something, old Canadians yell at clouds (thestar.com)
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Inventor of football flak jacket and Reebok Pump dies at 79. *pssssssssshhhhhhhh* (washingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Detroit police cannot keep up with the recent rise in car break-ins plaguing the city streets. Their solution? Don't park there anymore (autoblog.com)
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When you drop your keys down the stormwater drain just let them go because, man, they're gone (nzherald.co.nz)
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Woman offers her filet-o-fish for a few McNuggets (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Jersey City assemblyman and police detective in trouble for Facebook posting calling the Philadelphia Eagles "gaybirds" (nj.com)
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I'm pretty sure this man could be the worst professional tattoo artist in existence (iheartchaos.com)
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John Boehner: We need Keystone now....I've got nearly $50K invested in each of the seven firms contracted to build the thing for pete's sake (dailykos.com)
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We've secretly replaced this store's stock of iPads with bags of modelling clay...let's see if anyone notices (ctv.ca)
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Mon January 16, 2012
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We finally have an area of science the US is far more advanced and liberal than Europe: Genetically engineering giant frankenburgers topped with basketball-sized tomatoes, woolly mammoth bacon and low-fat plastic cheese (blogs.nature.com)
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Man arrested for selling Canadian military secrets. I'm not sure either. Locations of all Tim Hortons? How to de-ice a caribou? (cbc.ca)
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A horse is a horse, of course of course, and when your movie's about a horse, it's easier to get it to act of course, When that horse is just a head (youtube.com)
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Scientist claims genetic material called "TNA" precursor to RNA and DNA. Giggity (io9.com)
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Tuscon, Arizona is putting a wide range of books on the banned list--from The Tempest to Rethinking Columbus to textbooks about Hispanic history--as part of a statewide purge of Ethnic Studies programs in high schools (salon.com)
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And you thought getting your lazy butt to work was an accomplishment (lawrenceville.11alive.com)
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| (doctorwhotv) |
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Is The Girl in the Fireplace returning to Doctor Who? (doctorwhotv.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Betty and her terrier (file2.u148.net)
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Petronas expecto South Sudan deal (marketwatch.com)
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Now that it's becoming obvious that the guy with the great teeth and fantastic hair is going to win the nomination, all those "concerns" over his religion are disappearing faster than a bowl of potato salad at a Baptist picnic (wrcbtv.com)
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Government official says the Queen of England, who is said to be worth $450 million, should get a new royal yacht from taxpayers for her diamond jubilee. It's good to be the Queen (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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1980: AIDS is a gay disease. 1996: AIDS is a junkie disease. 2012: AIDS is a diabetic disease (todaysthv.com)
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Ten movie posters that completely lied about the film. Aw, My Girl sure looks heartwarming (movies.ign.com)
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Inmate on a highway work crew flings an unmarked riot grenade that he found under a tree over a highway fence after the safety pin got caught on a branch. Just another day on the Arizona chain gang (azfamily.com)
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AP and DPRK find common ground. Sharks meet Jets (washingtonpost.com)
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Lazard given five weeks to find a buyer for Royal Bank of Scotland. So, if you have $5 and a packet of crisps, you can now own a bank of your very own (bloomberg.com)
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Montecristo to be bombed with poison, still taste better than a Cuban (telegraph.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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LSU were terrible in the BCS Championship game for a reason. Really? Good. For a second I was worried Bama was the better team (sportige.com)
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Chuck Norris has written a new column for WND, where he asks the GOP candidates one question, and it has nothing to do about whether or not they think they could take him (wnd.com)
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Meet the 145-pound baby that is sure to warm your heart (jacksonvillenorthestates.firstcoastnews.com)
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Russian spacecraft falls into Pacific Ocean west of Chile, fails to hit giant target so nobody gets a free taco (washingtonpost.com)
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Centaur skeleton trots into Tucson museum as part of new exhibit (usatoday.com)
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When she's not studying law or competing in surfing competitions, Mischa Davis likes to strap on a mermaid's tail and hang out beneath the waves. Yes, there is a pic (stuff.co.nz)
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Super Bowl ad placement begs the question: Should Jesus be marketed alongside Cialis? Why not, they're both all about getting wood to nail people (washingtonpost.com)
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Man with poor understanding of biology calls for help after new pet hamster turns into 94 hamsters (eagletribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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App lets you deliver your last words from beyond the grave for eternity. DO NOT let your mother-in-law find out about this (couriermail.com.au)
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A small cut on a child's forehead results in the doctor gluing the kid's eye shut. Bet he didn't see that coming (thelocal.se)
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| (QC Online) |
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Not one, not two, but three sets of identical twins work at the same Hy-Vee grocery store, which confuses customers and probably leads to some awkward dating moments (qconline.com)
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Doctor Who meets Harry Potter.. I'm in (io9.com)
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Sun January 15, 2012
Sat January 14, 2012
| (Some Guy) |
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Police feel they did nothing wrong by interrogating a 12 year old for hours with the camera "accidentally" turned off and getting to confess to a crime he denied doing before and after the "confession" (commercialappeal.com)
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How the internet turned a 110 year old business into a phenomenon, which killed it (chicagotribune.com)
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10 tricks for a better nighZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzz (lifehacker.com)
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| (Some Fight Card) |
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UFC 142 discussion thread. Can Chad Mendes steal the Featherweight title from José Aldo? Unlikely, but this sure beats Strikeforce or watching Timmmmaaaay get T-boned. Fights start at 7pm ET (ufc.com)
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Can Tebow's pony friendship magic take the Broncos past the Patriots? Will the Saints prove that the 49ers aren't yet a championship-caliber team? It's The NFL Divisionals Day 1 thread, games at 4:30 PM on Fox and 8 PM on CBS (scores.espn.go.com)
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Obama on SOPA: I kind of oppose it....well, certain parts of it at least. And if it passes I shall give it a thought of whether to veto it or not.....but I will most likely sign it (networkworld.com)
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Mena Suvari is back on the market. This is not a repeat from 2005. Line forms behind submitter (upi.com)
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"Court finds state violated Bigfoot's right to free speech." Then it gets weird (unionleader.com)
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Today's Manufactured Conservative Outrage is *shakes 8-ball* Obama wants to help teenagers get summer jobs. Wait.. what? Seriously? This is a bad thing now? (mediamatters.org)
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When one ponders the career options available to retired NFL running backs, "Shakespearean Actor" is often left off the list. Unless one is Eddie George..."Unlikely" doesn't even begin to cover this (npr.org)
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In yet another sign that the Mayans were onto something, it's possible that there will be more Twilight films made after Breaking Dawn Part 2 is released, or even a Twilight TV series (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Lord British creates the first sci-fi movie filmed entirely in space, but NASA won't let him show it to anyone. Someone summon Shamino and Iolo (space.com)
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| (chicago tribune) |
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Fast food addicts in Washington D.C. get a whopper of a surprise (articles.chicagotribune.com)
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New Guinness brewery in Dublin may be the biggest in the world. If there was only somewhere nearby where something like that could be verified (today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Cubelets (youtube.com)
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Man turns on bathroom faucet, dies suddenly. Is discovered three weeks later. Of course the city wants the $500 for the water used during that time, what do you think? (cnews.canoe.ca)
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Two men charged after fatal race between snowmobile, pickup and ATV. The snowmobile lost, by the way (cnews.canoe.ca)
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Fri January 13, 2012
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The breakdown of the budget for Star Wars in 1977. Inflation is a biatch (io9.com)
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Why the United States needs to take pennies out of circulation. They're disgusting, annoying, smelly things that have no place in modern society (consumerist.com)
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Sometimes, you just have to send a lawyer a sketch of a t-rex waiving a white flag (blog.mysanantonio.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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After discovering his luggage was damaged during a recent trip, a Southwest Airlines passenger launched a website with various images to illustrate his trip as a letter to Southwest. FARK: Southwest responds in kind (dearswa.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dog saves owner's life from abusive boyfriend. Battered women's shelter takes in both. Spiffy tag standing in because Hero tag has something in its eye (lifewithdogs.tv)
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Twist-and-glow molecules aid rapid gas detection. Twist-and-shout molecules got me goin' now, just like I knew they would (physorg.com)
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Nice: 7-year old boy loves to swim. Cool: He swims competitively and is a finalist for national prize. Fark: He has no legs and only one arm (blog.al.com)
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Two more binary star planets discovered. George Lucas issa wanted for questioning (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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| (NME) |
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Snoop Dogg cancels snowboarding festival headline set upon realizing that snowboarding would be involved (nme.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cops in uniform caught meeting up in empty parking lot and playing football. (with pics) Some people have a problem with this (13wmaz.com)
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Sixty completely unusable stock photos (buzzfeed.com)
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Cousins go to house to smoke pot, the guy that tagged along discovers a stash of guns, opens fire on occupants with their own guns, owner returns fire but is killed, police give chase, car crashes, cops shoot all three. The Aristocrats (wwl.com)
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You know how police have been harassing people for filming instances police misconduct with their smartphones? Well it looks like the Obama Administration may finally be doing something about that (arstechnica.com)
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60 senators won't meet with activists to talk about PIPA, the Senate version of the Stop Online Piracy Act. Will yours? (boingboing.net)
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| (Hartlepool Mail) |
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When you're Dyke House, and you install unisex toilets for secondary school kids, you better be ready for parental butthurt, lickety-split (hartlepoolmail.co.uk)
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CW ordering superhero series about a DC Comics character who's a billionaire secretly fighting crime with an array of self-made devices. But it's not that one (insidetv.ew.com)
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Owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars says you're not a true fan unless you hold season tickets (consumerist.com)
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Newt Gingrich gets the coveted "Crazy writer who believes in the apocalypse and wrote a bunch of books about it " endorsement (dailycaller.com)
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Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta reunited 34 years after starring together in Grease. In the interim, she's lost her boobies and he's grown some (dailymail.co.uk)
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Is there a way to unstretch pantyhose by washing them or something? I don't want my wife yelling at me again (fark.com)
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Rolling Stone writer who broke the McChrystal scandal paints a charming picture of petulant then-candidate Obama in Iraq: "(sigh) Pictures? With the troops? Again? But I already got my photo-op (pout)" (buzzfeed.com)
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♫ Spider-Man ♫ Spider-Man ♫ Gets stuck in a vent 'cause he can ♫ He is drunk off his ass ♫ No, his skills aren't first class ♫ WATCH OUT ♫ We caught the Spider-Man ♫ (mcall.com)
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Beetlejuice 2. Beetlejuice 2. Beetlejuice 2 (comingsoon.net)
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Aon insurance moving its HQ from Chicago to London for better access to emerging markets, pizza (bloomberg.com)
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Target shopping cart victim was just "mostly dead" (nypost.com)
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| (Some Motorcycle Rider) |
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If you're a nine-year veteran of Grand Prix motorcycle racing and former World Champion, it's probably a good idea to get a motorcycle licence (carolenash.com)
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| (The Truth About Cars) |
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Not News: People are stealing cars. News: Car thieves are getting more technologically sophisticated. FARK: They can steal it while you're farking driving it (thetruthaboutcars.com)
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Judge Sunshine rains on divorced mother's FaceTime with her son (nypost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I picked one up at the booth. It was velvety soft. It has a nice chrome finish. It has a powerful motor but it's very quiet. They can also be controlled by iPad or iPhone app." So that's what a Steve Jobs is (cultofmac.com)
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You'll roo the day you messed with Wall Street (bloomberg.com)
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| (Miami New Times) |
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Man takes mug shot completely covered in white powder. This is why you don't let your unemployed second cousin guard the stash (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)
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Mortuary fire incinerates hundreds... in other news, mortuary employees set for week off (msnbc.msn.com)
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After third consecutive losing season, lawsuits, losses of $70 million, Fred Wilpon to stay as NY Mets owner. Fans brace for another hilarious 70 win season (newsday.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: College student gets drunk after consuming ten drinks. Fark: And then breaks into a museum and tries to steal a claw from the real 20-foot skeleton of a giant ground sloth (dispatch.com)
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Newt speaks from the heart, and really lets us know where he stands (liveleak.com)
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Those high school girls exhibiting symptoms of a Tourette's-like illness? Seems to have been brought on by cats and dogs living together (buffalonews.com)
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It's a streetlight (youtube.com)
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Coppers clip two more over Comber murder, still looking for tips before the scene is completely barren. It's the style of good policework (bbc.co.uk)
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Japan's sixth prime minister in the last five years shuffles cabinet, deck chairs (reuters.com)
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India marks one year since its last polio case. Now if we could only get that whole vaccination thing going here in the US (cbsnews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Coach's husband admits setting up video camera to spy on volleyball team's slumber party. I'D DO IT AGAIN. AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I'D DO IT AGAIN (kirotv.com)
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Two Frenchmen use metal detectors to search WWI battlefields for lost dog tags. However instead of selling them to collectors they search for descendants of the soldiers who lost them. "Vive la France" (news.yahoo.com)
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Dominic Strauss-Kahn's defense: "At these parties, people were not dressed, and I defy you to tell the difference between a naked prostitute and any other naked woman" (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (dustbury.com) |
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Dustbury runs its FARK blurb of the week, but this time it's a tie between two clever headlines (dustbury.com)
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In initiative to attract youthful hipsters, NASA.gov runs Internet music radio station so that fans can listen to the latest space rock while admiring the latest space rocks (nasa.gov)
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SWAT team stands by while angry Chinese rioters throw eggs, demanding a) democracy, b) a free Tibet, or c) the iPhone 4S? (bloomberg.com)
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Bed Bath & Beyond pulls tissue holders from market because of glowing reviews. And by glowing, they mean they're made with Cobalt 60 (news.yahoo.com)
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Ohio Highway Patrol: We don't want the speed limit raised on interstates raised to 70 because it might cut into ticket revenue...err, "because it diminishes traffic safety" (news.cincinnati.com)
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Liverpool FC fans get the NIAC vibe after spotting Sami Nasri on the way home from City's 1-0 loss to Liverpool: "How do you like that you f****** Arsenal reject" (video, Not safe for work language) (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (North County Times) |
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Ex-hippies turn "Freebird" into thriving 63-outlet burrito chain. Well-played (nctimes.com)
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Thu January 12, 2012
| (WTSP) |
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Cool: High school students write letters, thanking Muslim leader for explaining Islam to class. Fark: Christian family association sends over 3,500 emails, condemning Muslim leader's visit (wtsp.com)
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| (NME) |
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Johnny Marr designing his own line or Ray Ban sunglasses. Meanwhile, Morrissey is busy designing his own line of lettuce strainers (nme.com)
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Rihanna: "To hell with the People's Choice Awards. I'll go the Clippers game and have my OWN awards show with blackjack and hookers... you know what? FORGET THE AWARDS SHOW" (tmz.com)
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Labor Department offers $20 million in grants for organizations to help former prisoners find work so they can get their lives back in order. Surprisingly even Fox News doesn't have a problem with this (foxnews.com)
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Say there, Mr. Law-Abiding Citizen, having trouble finding work? Can't even get a crappy job in a call center? Maybe it's because companies are using inmates to fill positions at $0.50/hour (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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IBM succeeds in creating a single bit of storage using only eight atoms, a technical breakthrough with stunning porn-retention implications (wired.com)
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| (Motherboard.tv) |
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Cosmically brilliant or SOPA king we todd did? Hackers plan to build an uncensorable Internet in outer space (motherboard.vice.com)
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| (Mayors Manor) |
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After hurting his back eating flapjacks and getting ridiculed by the hockey world, Kings LW Dustin Penner says he'll host a charity pancake breakfast. Kudos to an athlete who can laugh at himself; hope he doesn't waffle on the gig (mayorsmanor.com)
|
| (Grist) |
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Good idea: Congressional staffers putting together an office pool for donations to the Red Cross and emergency services during a wildfire. Bad idea: Congressional staffers putting together an office pool betting on how much land will burn (grist.org)
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Oy. Freunlaven. Jerry Lewis retires with the hurting and the earmarks and the redistricting and the thing. Oh, Dean... Dean (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Is Katy Perry getting over Russell Brand by getting under Tim Tebow? (celebitchy.com)
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Saint Tebow's game-winning TD may have received some divine intervention - if you count incompetent referees as deities, at least (sports.yahoo.com)
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New York City health department has found their newest spokesperson against the dangers of super-sizing: a diabetic amputee. Naturally, some people have a problem with this. Mostly, though, they work for fast food companies (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com)
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Theme: If Don Draper made ads for Internet companies (en.wikipedia.org)
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Not news: Iraqi immigrants open restaurant in Mass. News: Vandal throws a rock through the window to drive them out. Hero: Veterans show solidarity by organizing a mass patronage of restaurant (thinkprogress.org)
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| (FrogSoda) |
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Bully picks on kid, gets a boot to the head (frogsoda.com)
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US 10th Circuit Court of Appeals rules that Oklahoma's ban on Sharia law is unconstitutional, then promptly gives the plaintiff the secret Muslim high-five and yells "all hail the coming Caliphate" before ululating wildly (news.yahoo.com)
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Kate Upton did something with kids...there may have been a rodeo....hell I don't know (withleather.uproxx.com)
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NY Times public editor is "looking for reader input on whether and when New York Times news reporters should" do their damn jobs (publiceditor.blogs.nytimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"He kept trying to get his gloves off and saying he was going to shoot me, but I don't think he had a gun, so I just kept punching him" (ketv.com)
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Just to remind you, if your crack dealer sells you sugar instead of the desired product, let it go. Calling 911 isn't going to help (thesmokinggun.com)
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| (The Local Norway) |
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Mouse gets to fly to Oslo, solo. Crew members hunt in desperation, a rope ends it (thelocal.no)
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Mitt Romney: The only reason anyone would talk about inequality is the "politics of envy". Reality: Everybody but the 1% have been getting hosed for decades (krugman.blogs.nytimes.com)
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Kutcher wants to return to 'Two and a Half Men', which is coincidentally the number of remaining viewers (wrcbtv.com)
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| (Some Crazy Guy) |
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Glenn Beck delivers a monologue from bed, complete with a mini-chalkboard, and a box of Twinkies. Who wouldn't want to watch that? (With video craziness) (theblaze.com)
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"... and with the 23rd pick in this year's NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions select anger management specialist Dr. Buddy Rydell" (bleacherreport.com)
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If you can tell the difference between a kidney and a liver, there's a surgeon in Wales who could do with some remedial training (bbc.co.uk)
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You know who else liked brunettes? (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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High school girls get a motherf**king mysterious disorder that's very similar to Tourette's Syndrome (wgrz.com)
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You feeling great right now because a girl just walked up to you and hugged you, but seriously, check your pockets (uk.news.yahoo.com)
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In a dark world where the Vulture King of a secret cult is poised to begin his unholy reign, only one man can now stand against him. He is humanity's last hope. He is Newt Gingrich (cnn.com)
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Old and busted: Recreating big plays w/Tecmo Bowl graphics. New hotness: Recreating big plays w/football helmeted peanuts (youtube.com)
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10 Goto Hospital; 20 Get Legionnaires; 30 Goto 10; (abcnews.go.com)
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Heat loses back-to-back OT games. James not a factor down the stretch in either game (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Meet the Contenders for Earliest Modern Human, created 6,000 years ago (blogs.smithsonianmag.com)
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Man calls 911 while in taxi and claims he's being kidnapped to avoid paying cab fare. Because this is Florida, he makes seven more 911 calls when the first fails and gets his drunk self thrown in jail (blogs.tcpalm.com)
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Seven fast food items: What they advertise vs. What you really get (buzzfeed.com)
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New study says that people tend to overestimate what others are willing to pay. In other news, Baltimore Orioles announce lower season ticket prices (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)
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"Hey, take a picture of us over by that tree" "Sure, just let me boot up my cameras web server and plug it into your Ethernet network" (engadget.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Lincoln MKZ concept received a smoking hot reception at the Detroit Auto Show (autoblog.com)
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Workers at the headquarters for parking giant Central Parking anger locals by taking all their on-street parking (tennessean.com)
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| (MxP) |
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Internet addiction characterized by abnormal white matter, usually around the keyboard (medicalxpress.com)
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Spanish goalkeeper allows four goals in six minute stretch, but saves best epic failure for last (w/video) (deadspin.com)
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The name's Bond. James Bond. My friends call me Harriette (stuff.co.nz)
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How I met your spinoff (eonline.com)
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In this week's enthralling episode of "Muslim in 'Merika," we meet a Connecticut college student hunted down by the FBI after her school reported her as a terrorist for making a sexual harassment claim (hosted.ap.org)
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Don't like Google's annoying personal search results? Here's how you can do something about that (lifehacker.com)
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New Peanut Butter Cheerios met with outrage. Delicious, yummy outrage (blog.sfgate.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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ACLU: 92% of Gitmo detainees were never Al Qaeda. 86% turned over to coalition forces for a bounty. Youngest was 13. Oldest was ... 98. Over 200 FBI Agents reported abusive treatments. Bush released 532 prisoners. Obama: 68. 171 left (aclu.org)
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Honey, you KNOW a Porsche can't fly. Neither will the fighter jet I bought instead. But at least the Sun is here...honey? (thesun.co.uk)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 349: "Bacon". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
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When taken together, the three most disconcerting words in the English language are ... Maximum. Security. Shampoo (life.com)
|
Wed January 11, 2012
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Lady Gaga finally gets around to stealing Marilyn Monroe's style (thesun.co.uk)
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Bath time for baby sloths. Set Cute Ray to overload (youtube.com)
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The banker who doesn't understand why people hate bankers: "Main Street says you're still getting paid too much: Even getting cut from $1 million to $500,000, they still think you're earning too much" (nymag.com)
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Newly digitized color illustrations of the heavens, from Victorian era artist and astronomer Etienne Leopold Trouvelot. Warning: slideshow (livescience.com)
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The next time some guy from Buffalo claims he has a Michelangelo painting stashed under his couch, you might not want to drag him to the mental hospital just yet (buffalonews.com)
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House GOP plans to introduce a measure condemning the President's recess appointments...as soon as they return from recess (dailykos.com)
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Meet the woman who lost her virginity twice. You'd hit it. And again (dailymail.co.uk)
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You kids don't know how easy you had it. When I was your age, I had to walk 20 miles uphill to a two-room schoolhouse with a 4' by 6' "scream room" where they would put the retarded kids. And we LIKED it (foxnews.com)
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Warren Buffet pledges to match the GOP dollar for dollar in donations to reduce the debt - except for Mitch McConnell, who he'll match 3-1 (msnbc.msn.com)
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Gamer completes speed run of Mega Man 2 while a live band performs the soundtrack. Yes, it is unthinkably awesome (not safe for work language) (youtube.com)
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Go home and get your farking shine box; there's a Goodfellas mini-series coming to AMC (marquee.blogs.cnn.com)
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Doctor who is pissed he didn't get an iPhone or iPad for Christmas publishes article claiming TOUCHPAD DEVICES WILL CRIPPLE YOU FOR LIFE (infoworld.com)
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Deadspin gives props to Fark for a most disturbing story about the hypothetical lovechild of Tim Tebow and Michele Bachmann (deadspin.com)
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I, for one, look forward to serving under President British Petroleum (thinkprogress.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Home Depot greeter who had face bit off by Shih Tzu wins settlement that helps her with A) facial reconstruction surgery, B) psychological treatments or C) trip to Disney with her daughter. Also, a pitbull (ottawasun.com)
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Unemployed geology major suing British government for making her serve two-week retail internship to keep her benefits, says stacking shelves is a violation of her special snowflake rights (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Bridge Guy) |
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Dawn: Strong enough to move even the largest Interstate highway bridge, yet gentle on your hands. ...wait, what? (lasvegassun.com)
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This team wants its young quarterback traded away and want Peyton Manning on their team. A: Who are the New York Jets? (nydailynews.com)
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Romney's "I used to worry about getting fired too" line reveals that in his own mind, he believes he's a self-made man. Which is a problem because "delusional" is a bad thing for a president to be (news.yahoo.com)
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Cancer Barbie lets kids in on the fun of radiation and chemotherapy (kmov.com)
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There's been a huge rise in the number of civilians killed or wounded by gunfire as a result of quasi-military police raids, which is naturally leading police to question the tactic. Fark: Because cops might get hurt, too (usatoday.com)
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Actual question: Will Hispanics warm to Romney? Better question: Will humans warm to Romney? (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
|
"Is Liberalism killing the comics industry?" asks article writer who conveniently forgets the lame, rehashed stories, pointless gimmicks, and lack of mainstream distribution as the real causes of the comics industry dying (ricochet.com)
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Meet Groupon's new mascot - the creepier version of Jar-Jar Binks (money.cnn.com)
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Google will incorporate results from Facebook, Twitter, Google+ pages into searches, meaning it will take your dumb aunt that much longer to get to Snopes and find out the shark did not jump out at the helicopter (edition.cnn.com)
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First they came for the nail clippers and I didn't speak out. Then they came for the sippy cups and I was silent. Then they came for the virus tainted civet cat and I said nothing because I like Chinese restaurants (bbc.co.uk)
|
| (Some Silver Haired Guy) |
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Forget the economy, foreign policy, social issues. Nope, more important factor to consider in the presidential race is who has the best hair (mcsweeneys.net)
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Random group of completely legitimate businessmen now the biggest business in Italy, still has its eyes on US Steel (telegraph.co.uk)
|
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This video of otters chasing a butterfly is sickeningly sweet (mnn.com)
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Don't Stop Believin', unless you believe South Detroit is a real place (nymag.com)
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Not news: man busted with meth. News. In Jakarta. Fark: $34 million worth of meth (upi.com)
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Occupy wall street allowed back in Zucotti park "until they do something stupid"......This just in, Occupy Wall Street has been removed from Zucotti park (gothamist.com)
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 |
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How low is the bar set for Rick Perry? He just impressed locals in South Carolina by recognizing okra. Reporters eagerly standing by to see if he orders a "pop" or "soda" (azstarnet.com)
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Man rescued from pasta machine will knead immediate help for stretch marks (stuff.co.nz)
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Having solved all the city's problems and determined to crush southern California's last remaining thriving business, LA City Council votes 11-1 to require condoms in porn productions (nydailynews.com)
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Roethlisberger defeats Tebow (9news.com)
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Rare color photographs from Germany in the 1930s discovered, but inept film developer appears to have emphasized almost exclusively black, red, and white in all the shots. Some people can't get anything reich (life.com)
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Rare letter reveals Ludwig van Beethoven complained about low salary, wanted hearing (telegraph.co.uk)
|
| (cbs local) |
|
If you're a NYC teacher trying to get time off by faking a jury duty note, it's probably a good idea to use a calendar and spell checker (newyork.cbslocal.com)
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Romney, forgetting where he is, urges South Carolina voters to follow the lead of those damn Yankee folks up north (upi.com)
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Sketchers swaps one tramp for another in their Super Bowl ad (reuters.com)
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Fidel Castro endorses a robot for President of the United States, completely unaware of the 58% chance of a fatal robot attack (blogs.villagevoice.com)
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AnnaLynne McCord accidentally posts uncropped topless Twitter photo, immediately gets 98,000 new followers (sfw) (thesun.co.uk)
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Betty Davis knows just what it takes to make a bomb squad pro blush (news.yahoo.com)
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Mobile phone provider goes all Occupy, gets rid of the 1% (theregister.co.uk)
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It's not the systemic incompetence and the firing of the head coach every year. The reason the Raiders suck is because of their stadium (espn.go.com)
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A-Rod's new girlfriend has some sweet puppies. And her little chihuahuas are cute, too (dailymail.co.uk)
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Unlike the people who buy them, TVs will be getting brighter, thinner, and more social (cnn.com)
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Woman is upset by Judge Judy, so she does the only logical thing and assaults her domestic partner with a hammer (palmbeachpost.com)
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Arrested man climbs out of back seat, steals town's only squad car, radios in to HQ asking where the cigarette lighter and key to handcuffs are. All this and more on the next episode of "Blues Brothers in Mayberry" (indystar.com)
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Drummer plays sick solo, gets sick, makes recovery (youtube.com)
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The twelve minute short film from Tom and Jerry animator Gene Deitch has finally made its way onto the internets. This was supposed to have been made into a full length feature at one point, but sometimes the world is a cruel place (iheartchaos.com)
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Town in Alaska buried under 15 feet of snow faces shortages of snow shovels, food, fuel and common sense for living there anyway (washingtonpost.com)
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Experts point out "unhealthy correlation" between building of skyscrapers, subsequent financial crashes (bbc.co.uk)
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"Marijuana smokers performed better on tests of lung function compared to nonsmokers and cigarette smokers" Put that in your pipe and smoke it (healthland.time.com)
|
| (medicalxpress.com) |
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All things being Equal, cancer cells feed on sugar-free diet (medicalxpress.com)
|
Tue January 10, 2012
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Motorist runs into bowling ball left on street...ruins frame, requires spare (chicagotribune.com)
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This Super Bowl half-time special is brought to you by aborted fetuses and Terry Randall for president (thinkprogress.org)
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Airport screeners to be monitored for radiation. Now there's an idea that should get some glowing praise (scientificamerican.com)
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Article begs the question, how many prosthetic testicles has Kelly Osbourne seen? (3news.co.nz)
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"A sign language interpreter glove that links to your smartphone." If only there was some other way that deaf people could text on a smartphone (theatlantic.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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If you thought Wall Street salary increases were ridiculous, one new CEO's salary is 900,017 times that of his predecessor. OCCUPY APPLE (9to5mac.com)
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Romney, Gingrich, and Santorum have now officially alienated everyone on the internet (thinkprogress.org)
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Photoshop this Detroit to Daytona hitchhiker (multimedia.detnews.com)
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The new Van Halen video, "Tattoo" is out, proving that Roth-era VH is still better than *this* Roth-era VH (youtube.com)
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Will Halak's return help the Blues take the Division lead? Are Detroit's injuries enough to force the Islanders to win a game? Are the Senators trolling us all? Games start at 7; organized, polite discussion starts to the right (nhl.com)
|
| (Remote Sensing Guy) |
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State Department of Transportation archaeologists forced to use ground penetrating radar and magnetometers to dispute findings of man holding coathangers (enterprise-journal.com)
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The Better Business Bureau names the top ten scams of 2011. The Better Business Bureau is suspiciously missing from the list (wivb.com)
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News: Michigan Treasurer says Detroit to run out of money by May. Other News: Detroit still has money (news.yahoo.com)
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The Huntsman campaign gets its worst headline of the cycle: "Is Huntsman the new Santorum?" (nbcpolitics.msnbc.msn.com)
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67% of South Carolina voters believe "only people are people," so why should it be that you and I get along so awfully? (gothamist.com)
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We won't be able to get your car fixed today because we need to order the parts. And by order the parts I mean we'll have to steal pantyhose from a 16-year-old girl (blog.cleveland.com)
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My only questions is: How did they get the hamster to sit there, waiting, that entire time? (wimp.com)
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Finally, science has an explanation for reindeer pom-pom sweaters and pipecleaner turkeys: The Grand Unifying Theory of Regretsy (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Peoria schools consider replacing full-time custodians with outsourced part-timers, including high school students working weeknights from 5 to 9. "I thought it would be a great opportunity for students to get work experience" (azcentral.com)
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England: Scotland, you'll have to join the Euro if you want independence. Scotland: *MacCrickets* (dailymail.co.uk)
|
| (Hawaii Reporter) |
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Hawaii's recovery doing better than your state's recovery. Also, enjoy winter (hawaiireporter.com)
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"America's detention camp at Guantánamo Bay will have been open for 10 years. For seven of them, I was held there without explanation or charge. During that time my daughters grew up without me" (nytimes.com)
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How the threat of Soviet "Loose nukes" was avoided. Apparently, it was the most intense game of shirling ever (news.yahoo.com)
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♫ Sunny day sweepin' the clouds away/ On my way to where the air is sweet/ Can you tell Elmo how to get M less than ρΔV? ♫ (healthland.time.com)
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While you're out there scraping to make ends meet so you can pay your mortgage, Tiger Woods' ex is building the same $12 million house she just knocked down (gawker.com)
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Pennsylvania plans to make the amount of food stamps that people receive contingent on the assets they possess. You hungry? You gonna need to sell that playstation (philly.com)
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With a half-century of experience as a witness to liberal media bias, I'm not easily shocked or outraged by current displays of it, but George Stephanopoulos deserves special notoriety for his disgraceful performance Saturday night (townhall.com)
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Feds take down white supremacist twin brothers who fell under the spell of a comely informant with a grenade dangling between her breasts (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Thanks to Obamacare, Texans are owed $160 million in rebates from health insurers because they spend more than 20% on administrative overhead (e.g. lobbying, executive pay, etc). Guess who is trying to block this payout: The State of Texas (npr.org)
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Heinz now taking baby steps to catch up in the infant food market, hoping for find the correct formula (nypost.com)
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Wall Street firms considering pay freezes for junior bankers. In an unrelated story, sales of "American Psycho" suddenly spiking (bloomberg.com)
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Restored Roman helmet unveiled to great acclaim. That's funny: When I tried it, I got put on a sex offender list (bbc.co.uk)
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The force is strong with this corporate response letter (gammasquad.uproxx.com)
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India reports completely drug-resistant TB. Must've been the curry (wired.com)
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Sometimes when you're fishing, strange things happen...like, dogs swim up to you (youtube.com)
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Using nicotine patches has the same success rate as quitting cold turkey. However, they do give you much better dreams and greatly reduce the homicidal urges (thedailybeast.com)
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Set your phasers to WANT (dailymail.co.uk)
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On the 50th anniversary of NASA announcing the construction of the Saturn rocket, which would eventually launch every Apollo moon mission, marvel at some of the coolest spacecraft models ever built (life.com)
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A surprisingly well-written list of 12 Wall Street morons you should be ignoring (finance.yahoo.com)
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Woman comes face-to-face with six-foot boa constrictor, gets rattled (wftv.com)
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Are you constantly worried that your TV is obsolete? Samsung has a new model that will keep you paying for upgrades (bbc.co.uk)
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Wells Fargo-hating "skateboard bandit" gets eight years in pound-me-in-the-thrash prison (blog.sfgate.com)
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Eight words you never wanted to read: "Lindsay Lohan in talks to play Elizabeth Taylor" (insidetv.ew.com)
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College degree doesn't pay, says blogger/poet (startribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Are shaved bare porn actresses re-wiring the brains of men who watch internet porn? Yes. And so are those videos of 2 women, 1 cat, a feather duster, two bags of chips, and a jar of peanut butter (reuniting.info)
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| (Medical Xpress) |
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Naturally produced protein could boost...uh...something (medicalxpress.com)
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If a cop asks you why you have such a large amount of cash, unless you're Huggy Bear don't answer: " I don't have a job, read between the lines" (nwfdailynews.com)
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Old and busted: mocking Detroit residents and their socioeconomic problems. The new hotness: Lions cornerback Aaron Berry mocking Detroit residents and their socioeconomic problems (sports.yahoo.com)
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People get happier as they get older, study reveals. NOW GET OFF MY LAWN (dailymail.co.uk)
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Ex-Fleetwood Mac guitarist Bob Weston dies at 64 - and if you're wondering 'who?' it's because he slept with Mick Fleetwood's wife, got kicked out of the band, and wound up working with Murray Head (telegraph.co.uk)
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Mon January 09, 2012
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Santorum on why Iran shouldn't have nukes: "They're a theocracy. They have deeply embedded beliefs that the afterlife is better than this life." Clearly, Santorum is jealous (video.msnbc.msn.com)
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Thierry Henry nets the game winner as it's 1-nil to the Arsenal. No, this is not a repeat (espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Comparing Michelle Obama to Marie Antoinette is racist because someone called her "Your Excellency" on Nickelodeon and Marie Antoinette was African-American. Or something like that (bookwormroom.com)
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Iron Man's latest armor is immune to paperclip bullets (g4tv.com)
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If you ask Stephen Hawking if he knows the secret to time travel, expect a Fark like reply (io9.com)
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Santorum voices support for SOPA-like Internet regulation. He doesn't endorse the use of SOPA, but pirates clearly annoy him (hotair.com)
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Tonight ESPN brings you the rematch of the century. Will a touchdown be scored? Will the honeybadger get a cooler nickname? Will the Tide win the undisputed national championship by going 1-1? SEC SEC SEC (espn.go.com)
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When even Rick "Uh...I forgot. Oops" Perry is able to get off some jokes because of what you said, then you know you've done goofed (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Leon Panetta lets it slip that Iran is indeed developing nuclear capabilities (rawstory.com)
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Barry Larkin finally gets his call from Cooperstown. Meanwhile, Tim Raines, Jeff Bagwell, and Edgar Martinez are wondering how they finished so far behind Jack Morris (sports.yahoo.com)
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Betty White reveals 90th birthday plans. Sorry, they do not involve you (showbizspy.com)
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In case anyone cares, Newt Gingrich gets the all-important "former first dude of Alaska" endorsement (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Mitt Romney, the multimillionaire son of a multimillionaire : "I know what it's like to worry whether you're going to get fired" (rawstory.com)
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Meet the drug dealer who wore that "how-to" crack cocaine shirt to court (thesmokinggun.com)
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"Gadget sales to top 1 trillion in 2012", says inspector (foxnews.com)
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"You know, something may be going down tonight, but it ain't going to be jobs, sweetheart." -Gov. Chris Christie to your mom (slate.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If they can actually stay on target, the BlackBerry PlayBook might just become functional for its six users this February (crackberry.com)
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The green, green sunset of an alien world (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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TFer: "If the Steelers lose, I will shave 'TEBOW' in my chest hair. And post pictures." TF never forgets (tsn.ca)
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's Monday. We need funny pictures to help get us over the depression coma, and help supplement that coffee mainline you have going there. Beat the picture in the link. Vote for the funniest. Let's make this vote thingie work for us (cdn.randomfunnypicture.com)
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The best and worst run cities in America. Yes, Detroit is on the list, but they can't even be number 1 in sucking (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)
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Problem: You want to burn all your love letters to your ex. Difficulty: They're all in email form. Solution: SHUT DOWN NEIGHBORHOOD (thedenverchannel.com)
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Hey, I've got an idea...Let's take off our pants and ride the subway(with photos) (boston.com)
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Jeff Jordan does not want to be like his father Michael, leaves UCF basketball team (espn.go.com)
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Ap's fact check of the latest GOP debate finds that there MAY have been a few actual, verifiable facts uttered by the candidates, though they are still checking on whether somebody's real name could really be "Newt Gingrich" (sltrib.com)
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New CEO of Yahoo given a $26 million pay package. Details to be found by searching "Paid way too much" on Google (money.cnn.com)
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Conservatives are outraged over the conspiracy between Google and the MSM to smear Santorum, noting that Google is trading at $666 (yes, really) (foxnews.com)
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Smart cooktop knows where your pot is. And I say that cooktop is a little too smart for its own good, and better keep its damn mouth shut if it knows what's good for it (gadgetbox.msnbc.msn.com)
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Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Europe: get ready for Euro Crisis 2 - Merkozy Boogaloo (reuters.com)
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In these trying times of stretched budgets and massive funding cuts to state universities, it's comforting to know the University of Maryland plans to spend $7.2 million on a new 14,000-square-foot mansion for its president (washingtonpost.com)
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Regis revenue down 2%, while Kelly's revenue plummets on the realization she can't carry the show (marketwatch.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thousands line up to donate blood in order to get free ducks and geese (asiaone.com)
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"Never get involved in politics if you have a mortgage. Now watch this drive" (washingtonpost.com)
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J Lo open to returning for In Living Color specials. In other news the token white chick whose name you don't remember would be thrilled to return for the specials, assuming she can get time off from the car wash (today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Mother has baby induced early so she can meet her dying 10-year-old sister. With pics that may make you call your cleaning lady to remove all the dust in this room (dailymail.co.uk)
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Lion and three-year-old girl get into staredown at zoo enclosure, with surprising results (stuff.co.nz)
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It only took 60 years, but details finally emerge on how Queen Elizabeth II came to power (dailymail.co.uk)
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Grab your tiny violin and begin to play - compensation for Wall Street brokers, traders to be the lowest since the crisis in 2008 (thedailybeast.com)
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Apparently Fartbongo's death panels and kenyanized medicine have New Hampshire wingnuts all petered out as their battle cry heading into 2012 is a collective "meh" (politico.com)
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Fed getting ready for another round of "Let's see how much money we can print" (marketwatch.com)
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In order to take the White House back from the dangerous, liberal, radical socialist who has nearly destroyed America, it looks like the GOP has settled on running the guy with nearly identical policies and ideas (news.yahoo.com)
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Nice anti-bribe site, a greenlight would sure help, be nice if you had something to speed that along (deseretnews.com)
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Just a typical love story of boy meets girl, girl gives boy wrong number by mistake, girl finds boy with the help of nationwide internet campaign, girl finds out boy already has a girlfriend and needs to get to the gym in 26 minutes (nzherald.co.nz)
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You're a rookie pro bowler with 129 points going into the ninth frame, and that's not the worst of it. Let's cut to the video (sports.yahoo.com)
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You don't need to know what a crumpet is to appreciate this awesome catch (stuff.co.nz)
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Friendly basketball game results in fight, pepper spray, five arrests (wtop.com)
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Man devises way to get around 'one bowl, one visit' rule at local Pizza Hut salad bar (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sun January 08, 2012
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Santorum's daughter might not have been so upset in that famous election night photo if she'd realized her dad's income was going to soar 600% after he left the Senate (news.yahoo.com)
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If you take the best features of eight smoking hot actresses, such as Kate Beckinsale, Kelly Brook & Megan Fox, and put them together to make the "ultimate woman" you'll get someone who looks exactly like Kim Kardashian (starpulse.com)
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If you need some ideas for your bucket list, how about crossdressing and chaining yourself to a Walgreens while wearing a ballgag? Three different times? (deadspin.com)
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| (Peta.org) |
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PETA lists foods that you had no idea were vegan but actually are. In the list: Oreos (peta.org)
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All the balloons in the world aren't gonna keep Webster's house from getting foreclosed on (tmz.com)
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| (WTSP) |
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Speeding tickets increase after DOT puts bags over speed limit signs (wtsp.com)
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| (Some Geezer) |
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Liquor license granted to retirement home. Sorry kids, you can't visit grandma today. She's still sleeping off all those gin rickeys from bingo night (dailycamera.com)
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Giants complete the rare Ryan trifecta (scores.espn.go.com)
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| (ExtremeTech) |
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What happens if Facebook shuts down? For one thing, you'd have to get poked elsewhere (extremetech.com)
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How is Mitt Romney like Clark Griswold? Well, let's just say we might be witnessing the beginning of Wallygate (huffingtonpost.com)
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Fan contributions quickly exceed the $3.2 million the Jets would have to eat if they fired Schottenheimer (espn.go.com)
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Microsoft receives approval for patent on "avoid ghetto" feature for use with GPS (news.cnet.com)
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The latest fundie teabagging right-wing news outlet to wonder if Obama is waging a war on religion is...NPR? That's it, cut the funding (npr.org)
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| (NME) |
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Noel Gallagher says Oasis and Blur were the "last great alternative bands" to top the charts. Well, about time he says something sensible (nme.com)
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Southern rednecks rejoice as new law allows them to skin and eat roadkill. Wait... the law is from Illinois? Whoops, sorry about the stereotyping there, Jethro (usatoday.com)
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Student gets four days of in-school suspension for reporting that he accidentally brought a knife to school (11alive.com)
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Bill would allow Massachusetts restaurants to donate leftover food to hungry without being sued (telegram.com)
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Last of an era ends as Hollywood silent-movie screenwriter Frederica Sagor Maas dies at age 111. Worked with Clara Bow, Greta Garbo (upi.com)
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Hey, Chik-fil-A. Imma let you finish, but Papa John's has the best Asian slur on a customer receipt of all time. OF ALL TIME (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Answer: this law was one of the tenets of justice for 800 years in the UK before it was repealed in 2003 (news.sky.com)
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HD video of Mount Etna vomiting gloriously (youtube.com)
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Meet the newest GOP fringe group, ABR, which stands for Anyone But Romney (nymag.com)
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Congrats to Shane Doan for getting his first NHL hat trick. It only took 1100+ games to do, but at least he got it out of the way (tsn.ca)
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Etroit lacks the D against Brees and the Saints (sports.yahoo.com)
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Tina Fey's post-pregnancy workout now includes smashing cars on the Letterman show (dailymail.co.uk)
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Back in the late 90s, before Patrick Stewart left Starfleet and headed up Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, there was a Star Trek/X-Men crossover novel that wasn't nearly as bad as you'd think (io9.com)
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Sat January 07, 2012
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♫ Hold the pickle, hold the lettuce, special orders don't upset us, all we ask is that you let us pocket your change if you're mentally handicapped.... ♪ (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Tonight, the remaining GOP candidates square off in preparation for the New Hampshire primary. Will Santorum blast Romney? Will it be worth watching since Bachmann is gone? The derp begins at 9pm ET on ABC (washingtonpost.com)
|
| (LOL Fight Card) |
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Strikeforce: Rockhold vs. Jardine Middleweight Championship discussion thread. Preliminary bouts start at 8pm ET on Showtime Extreme (sbnation.com)
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If you're going to try and mug an 84 year-old ex-boxer, you'd better bring more than a commando knife, youngster (bbc.co.uk)
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Kathy Griffin is getting her very own talk show (deadline.com)
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Try not to get too creeped out by the photo (news.yahoo.com)
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Lesbian announces her intention to run for Miss California, which, of course, some people are upset about. Who cares? She's hot (huffingtonpost.com)
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Parent upset by questions on her child's math test which included "If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in 1 week?" (ajc.com)
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| (Vancouver Sun) |
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Vancouver's world-famous "Japadog" expanding to NYC to take on city's classic street hot dogs. Whose wiener will reign supreme? (blogs.vancouversun.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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While Americans worry about the relationship status of the Kardashians, Congress is looking at a new way to strip Americans of their citizenship if they get all protest-y (addictinginfo.org)
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CNN investigates whether God plays in active role in helping you hook up online (religion.blogs.cnn.com)
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In the wake of the US saving their sailors from pirates, Iran ups the rhetoric and threatens full-scale war, nuclear devastation, and....wait, they said thankyou? And Fox reported it? What is this i don't even (foxnews.com)
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Recording the health department inspector while he checks your restaurant? You bet your ass that's a mandatory closing (nypost.com)
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Elizabeth Warren, our famed champion against the evil corporations, has taken in 40 million from corporations in the last 7 years (bostonherald.com)
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India gets its first supercar. But do they have a Supertrain? Or a Manimal? (foxnews.com)
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California Dream Act petition drive falls short, on such a winter's day (latimes.com)
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Hey tree huggers, isn't it time to become tree munchers? Bon appetitpineneedles (bbc.co.uk)
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Why hasn't 3-D TV caught on yet? Perhaps because it's gimmicky crap? Nah, it must be something else (cnn.com)
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C. Feldman alleges molestation, issues B.moresque era-appr. quip: "It was basically me laying there pretending I was asleep..." Plans to out alleged pedophiles when advantageous to alleged career. Hey C.F.-- What up with the youth? (dailymail.co.uk)
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I spies, with my beady eyes, something that won't be in the yearbook (torontosun.com)
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Tim Burton wants Robert Downey, Jr to play Geppetto in a live action Pinocchio movie. I've got wood (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Paris Hilton dons brunette wig in bizarre artificial intelligence experiment, raising frightening "sort of want" feelings among Farkers everywhere (dailymail.co.uk)
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Today the ghost of Charles Addams is 100. Google doodle? You bet (pcmag.com)
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Gold ring lost for decades returned after being found in underwater cave, described as 'precious' (dailymail.co.uk)
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"We began to suspect something out of the ordinary when my wife answered a call one afternoon and was asked if she could 'do a half-hour'" (thestar.com)
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Fri January 06, 2012
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To love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live -- at least until your brain injury. Then I'm going to marry this new guy, who's going to live with me, but take you to IHOP sometimes. Okay? (washingtonpost.com)
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Companies will no longer be allowed to "neither admit nor deny" civil charges when settling with the SEC if found guilty in a criminal case. So we've got that small bit of change going for us (nytimes.com)
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Seattle megachurch pastor sparks controversy over detailed sex book he wrote with his wife. Holy fark (religion.blogs.cnn.com)
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Today's poorly-written headline: "Eldridge man to serve 14 years making meth" (qctimes.com)
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Poet launches campaign to stamp out 'awesome'. Duuuuude (latimes.com)
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Fark-ready headline: "Jogger gets run over by deer" (freep.com)
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For sale: One slightly used nuclear bomb-proof space station in Carmel Valley, California. For only $4.2 million you can get great TV reception and still have a basement that will withstand a five-megaton nuclear blast. Serious inquiries only (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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I wwebsite as on the Internet and then donated $50,000 to Penny Arcade's charity (vg247.com)
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Who wants a Wonder Bread and Miracle Whip Sandwich? Who wants to see Tim Pawlenty come out to support Romney? That Venn diagram completely overlaps (startribune.com)
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No, astronomers didn't detect alien signals from space. Now, if you'd please just look into this neuralyzer (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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| (Washington City Paper) |
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"In my mind -- hell, in my own life -- what's happening isn't just the delayed onset of adulthood. It's the refusal of adulthood entirely. It's not failure to thrive. It's an awareness that thriving kind of blows" (washingtoncitypaper.com)
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Barnes & Noble to join the HP and Netflix school of business of trying to divest themselves of their main source of income now, backpedaling sheepishly later (macworld.com)
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In NFL news, Jeff Fisher is taking his mullet to either St. Louis or Miami, and his mullet will make its decision next week. His mullet wants more time to mullet over. Mullet. Or in French, "mullet" (espn.go.com)
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Boehner: Obama can't appoint anyone, because we're in session. Democrats: Okay, then let's get to work today. Boehner: We can't because we're not in session (dailykos.com)
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Two goats eat bullets, leaves (mcall.com)
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Roethlisberger: I don't think Tim calls up ESPN and says, 'Hey, put me on every day, and make it the Steelers vs. Tebow.' (content.usatoday.com)
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President Obama is trying to tie the Republican candidates to the unpopular Congress using a two-tier strategy. Let's see if the Republicans notice (nytimes.com)
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Rick Santorum between huffs of bug spray: unemployment has been dropping because of "optimism that Republicans will take the White House" (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Awesome: You're pinned under a 3,200 pound car after a bike accident and firefighters use brute strength to lift it off of you. Sucks to be you: Cops then ticket you for unlawful lane change and improper use of lane (oregonlive.com)
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Minka Kelly gets back together with Derek Jeter. Alex Rodriguez last seen screaming at the night sky (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
|
| (Some Grandmother) |
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Fark-ready headline: "Grandmother set up by pot-pedaling smurf" (wtsp.com)
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Details of Albert Pujols's new contract emerge: Guaranteed hotel suite on all road trips, no trade clause and $75,000 bonus for coming in third on the MVP ballot (stltoday.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Gregg Doyel thinks trick plays in football are cool, except when they aren't. Then they are "weenie" touchdowns and they are leading to the downfall of America or something (cbssports.com)
|
| (northwestohio) |
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Ugly ass tiger cubs greet visitors for the first time at the Toledo Zoo. (w/ video) Ugly assfecta in play (northwestohio.com)
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Ladies, when you were pregnant...what retarded drivel/advice not based on actual science or reality did you hear from friends, family, coworkers or random strangers? Anything from guessing the sex of the baby to your personal diet to birthing (fark.com)
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Don't look now, but the USAF's super-secret militarized shuttle is playing peek-a-boo with China's new space station (gizmodo.com)
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How to find the best deals at outlet malls? When did my wife start writing for Marketwatch? (marketwatch.com)
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Obama visits high school, tells students that he's inspired by their bullshiat-detection acumen (realclearpolitics.com)
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Organ Trail, a zombified version of Oregon Trail, Is coming to mobile devices. I wonder if Andy will rise from the dead and finally get his peperony and chease? (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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IPad free-falls 100,000 feet to the ground and survives thanks to its third party case, as did the attached video camera filming the descent, which was not in a protective case. So,.. nice camera, guys (youtube.com)
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Jets' Bart Scott fined $2500 for each finger not showing when he waved to photographer (usatoday.com)
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The same security camera that captured a man stealing a family's Christmas presents also captures him returning them two days later with an apology note. Unclear if you can see his heart grow three sizes (cbsnews.com)
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Rick Santorum encounters that part of the graph that shows how college-aged students feel about gay marriage, gets booed off stage (dailymail.co.uk)
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Norv must live in the Matrix to dodge bullets this well (sfgate.com)
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MA Senator Scott Brown comes out in support of Obama's appointment of Cordray to run the CFPB. If he'd done that with Obama's first choice, he might not be about to get his ass kicked in the next election (news.yahoo.com)
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Archaeologists have discovered that the people of Pompeii were slobby and crude. Trash was found inside tombs as well as graffiti of the 'bathroom' variety. "Cleopatra goes down" (news.yahoo.com)
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Rick Santorum is a dedicated humanitarian and "defender of the most vulnerable". Says who? Some guy named Bono, apparently he's in a band or something (news.yahoo.com)
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Glenn Greenwald: If liberals said Bush was "shredding the constitution" for the War on Terror, not to call Obama on it is intellectual dishonesty of the worst kind. Liberals: DIE, HERETIC, DIE (salon.com)
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Josh Hamilton got a new accountability-buddy. Who was also an addict at one time. I bet this will end just OH MY GOD SPIDERS (sports.yahoo.com)
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Videogame anagrams hide secret messages (wired.com)
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Not news: photograph emerges of Mitt Romney in Vietnam demonstration. Do not pass news, proceed directly to Fark: in support of the Vietnam War (dailymail.co.uk)
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Looks like it's time to change your Facebook password again. And this time, something less obvious than "dukesucks" (physorg.com)
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Let's go over the minutes from the last meeting - the mayor, the city council president, and the city councilman are being investigated by the feds. Okay, next order of business - more rights for the city of Washington DC (myfoxdc.com)
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Some of today's contestants in TSG's Friday photo fun have set the bar juuuuust a little lower than the other. See if you can pick who stole what. Contest ends at 6pm Eastern (thesmokinggun.com)
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Brain function starts to decline at age 45, say those men in those jackets over in that place with the lady with that big thing on her head. You know, it's all shiny and there's those guys with the tall hats and no eyes (bbc.co.uk)
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Jay-Z and Beyonce's baby preparation checklist: private suite, flat screen TV, gourmet chef, custom "birthing weave" (celebitchy.com)
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Why would somebody repeatedly dump dirty adult diapers on the same stretch of highway? Depends (ktla.com)
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Real Housewife of Atlanta to start new sex toy line. Presumably called Narcissism and with models called trophy and "looks pretty but shouldn't speak" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Researchers take time out from trying to prove water is wet, fire hot, by discovering people prefer their dates to be attractive (upi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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ExxonMobil asks: "How much gas does it take to charge an iPhone?" Subby wonders what kind of mileage are you getting? (exxonmobilperspectives.com)
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It takes some balls to break into someone's house, live there openly, claim "adverse possession," throw out their stuff, and then charge them for home improvements because they were out of town getting chemo (foxnews.com)
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Government list of disallowed baby names shows that New Zealand parents still cannot get Anal* (news.com.au)
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It was a concrete bunker in the middle of Trenton, New Jersey. It was in a downtrodden area, and it was filthy and the most dangerous venue to visit. And if you got in--you were lucky (youtube.com)
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What's the best investment in America? Stocks? Bonds? How about a 22,000% return on buying a member of congress (npr.org)
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An aspiring Spanish actress is hoping to cash in on her uncanny resemblance to A-lister Angelina Jolie. She's looking for a golden ticket to stardom without the baggage of six kids (bittenandbound.com)
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Louisiana beats Western Kentucky in overtime using the rare 6-on-5 basketball power play (deadspin.com)
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| (CourierPress) |
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PETA wants to put memorials on the roads where cows have died. Photoshop what such a memorial might look like (courierpress.com)
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| (Amazin Avenue) |
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Mets considering changing the name of their new ballpark to Chapter 11 Bankruptcy Field (mobile.amazinavenue.com)
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'The Fighter' director's career set to be TKO'd after his transgendered niece accuses him of feeling her up during workout (tmz.com)
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Marine biologist could get 20 years in prison and a half million dollars in fines. Her crime? Feeding whales (sfgate.com)
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Thu January 05, 2012
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Richard Alf, one of Comic-Con's founders, dead at 59. Services will be held on Planet Melmac, located six parsecs past the Hydra-Centaurus Supercluster (web.utsandiego.com)
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How does that old saying go? Oh, that's right: Let sleeping Mike Tysons lie (news.com.au)
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This girl has steel balls: She snuck into a Russian military rocket factory, took amazing photos and then gave authorities the finger when they asked her to take them down (gizmodo.com)
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| (Education News) |
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Who are you going to believe about new Obama brain surgery death panels: 1. An anonymous guy calling into a right-wing talk show with secret proof, or 2. thousands of actual brain surgeons? (educationviews.org)
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| (Some Fools) |
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Burglars break into house, steal coin collection worth thousands -- then proceed to dump it all in coin counting machine, netting $450 (kptv.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Losing all my teeth has been a Godsend, I can tell you. And if someone has a foot fetish, but also likes breasts, in my case they're in the same general area" (bisserjeta.hsara.com)
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Hi, I'm Gwyneth Paltrow. You may have seen me in such films as, "Iron Man", "Iron Man 2" and "Iron Man 3". I'm here to talk to you about colon cleansing (gawker.com)
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Man dying to use the carpool lane buckles up a plastic skeleton in the passenger seat (w/ pic) (seattlepi.com)
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The success of the Packers and Patriots in the playoffs will once and for all determine whether or not "defense wins championships" is a myth (msn.foxsports.com)
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Stephen Hawking says the Universe's greatest mystery is A: The Time-Space Continuum? B: Quantum and Theoretical Physics? or C: Women? (news.yahoo.com)
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Fatty McFat-fat goes full James Harrison ... on the high school basketball court (rivals.yahoo.com)
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CNN decides to get Conservatives all frothy by saying Santorum is trying to impose 'Judeo-Christian Sharia' (cnn.com)
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| (Houston Press) |
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For cold and flu season, a food critic determines which cough syrups taste best and which taste the most like liquid death (blogs.houstonpress.com)
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Gingrich says he's going to barge into the next NAACP conference and tell them to get off food stamps. Yes, really (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman gives birth to 15 pound, 7 ounce baby. Man, this childhood obesity problem is really getting out of hand (duluthnewstribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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January is National Birth Defect Prevention month. Luckily for Farkers, you can get your daily requirement of folic acid from the orange juice in your average screwdriver (nbdpn.org)
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And now for no reason, a baby owl taking a bath. A moist owlet if you will (youtube.com)
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When is the best time for the state legislature to override a veto? At midnight when the public hasn't been notified and five Democrats are absent, one of whom is in ICU after a car accident (wral.com)
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| (Some Weed Chucker) |
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Protip: Get rid of that bag of weed before you get to the courthouse security checkpoint, unlike this guy (winterhaven.wtsp.com)
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India to get world's largest pod transit system, because let's face it, dolphins hate walking (cnngo.com)
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Did you enjoy your lunch? Good. Let's talk about your grandma's sex life (washingtonpost.com)
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Crazy Eyes now has to decide between re-election or bleaching her hair and working for Fox (boston.com)
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Do you know anyone or better yet, work with anyone who is really paranoid or conspiracy believing? Like they think the Government is watching them, or that the CIA put LSD in their drinking water or some other nonsense? (fark.com)
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Detroit resident: Help - Someone's trying to kill me. Detroit Police: I'm sorry....we're closed. Try again tomorrow after 8:00am (freep.com)
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Mitt Romney is a secret Democrat (wnd.com)
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Everybody's got them. What dumb cute pet names do you and your spouse or lover call each other, that no one else uses? (fark.com)
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Great news for you morons in the housing market. Since you're too stupid to understand what you are doing Obama has set up an 800 number for you to call so the government can tell you if you're getting a good deal (nation.foxnews.com)
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Pure airplane porn: the next fighter jet we don't need (gizmodo.com)
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After getting into a frothy mess over his "Not wanting to make Black people's lives easier" line, Santorum connects the dots and concludes people must be angry because he said "black" and not "African American" (thehill.com)
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Hacker, apparently unaware of which decade the rest of the world lives in, digs up secret intel files on Henry Kissinger, Dan Quayle. Quick, Mr. Peabody, fire up the Wayback Machine (upi.com)
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Frustrated that Pat Robertson won't spill the beans on Fartbongo's re-election chances? Get yourself a Warlock. Apparently the Mexican ones work best (huffingtonpost.com)
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David Beckham bewildered about why people think he is a secret homosexual. In other news, Mr Beckham stars in a new underwear campaign that proudly exhibits his groin bulge (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Robert Duvall is 81 today...and among his lesser-known awesomenesses is his singing talent. Yeah, he can hold his own in a duet with Emmylou Harris (youtube.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I want her to go to prison where she can get help, where she can't do drugs or have anything bad (happen) to her." Heh, looks like someone never watched Oz (kirotv.com)
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Cuba & Fidel Castro vs Twitter.... Let the fight begin (eitb.com)
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Elin Nordegren has the $12 million mansion she just bought demolished because it's not good enough for her. If she keeps spending cash this way, she's going to have to find another sugar daddy lottery ticket to scratch (tmz.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The five young, gay Iowa Republican caucus-goers interviewed in this article have bright futures as pretzel bakers, contortionists (washingtonblade.com)
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"Drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now" (life.com)
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Let me posit a hypothetical of why Perry is still campaigning : Rick Perry has discovered he's the evil son of Jor-El, destined to fight his half brother Obama for control of the universe. Otherwise, it's over dude (fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com)
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Japanese volcano sets record with 996 explosive eruptions in 2011, zero Gaos attacks (japantimes.co.jp)
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Herman Cain to enter the lucrative 'vanity bus tour' market, directly competing with established brands like Sarah Palin (politico.com)
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The stock market? The lottery? Both places for idiots to throw their money away (marketwatch.com)
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Plantronics accidentally outs surround sound headset (engadget.com)
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The biggest fashion risk-takers of 2011. Yes, the toilet seat hat is in there (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Gingrich: "I represent a genuine insurgency." Apparently didn't get the memo explaining how the U.S. deals with insurgents (foxnews.com)
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Just like football fans all across America, Tom Brady admits that he enjoyed watching the NY Jets fall out of the playoffs (nydailynews.com)
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China bus slides off snow-covered bridge, claims 16 lives and 1 curio cabinet (suntimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Man takes car on test drive from dealership. News: He gets arrested. FARK: After a "test drive" of 160 miles (duluthnewstribune.com)
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O, the painful travails of a Democratic 1%er - whether to buy back his old $44M place in the Hamptons or settle for a château in the south of France (nypost.com)
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What if Virginia lifts ban on uranium mining? Well, radioactive large cocktail peanuts, glow in the dark Chincoteague ponies, mutants raging through the streets of Arlington and Alexandria... wait that last one is a good thing (sciencedaily.com)
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Florida man bitten, stabbed after argument with girlfriend over missing New Year's Eve 'ball drop' on TV. To prevent future 'ball drop' violence, police suggest he set his DVR next time (blogs.tcpalm.com)
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Jenny McCarthy says she won't do "Dancing with the Stars" because they never get any A-list talent on the show. In related news, Jenny McCarthy thinks she's A-list talent (starpulse.com)
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Jon Huntsman is a nihilist! Fark me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of Romney's flip flopping, Dude, at least it's an ethos (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)
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FDA orders safety evaluation of vaginal mesh. Farkettes, line up to the left for your inspection (bloomberg.com)
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Jack Abramoff is speaking out against corruption in Washington and wants to work with the Occupy Wall Street movement. Read that sentence again, slowly. Enjoy your aneurysm (news.yahoo.com)
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After getting behind the latest front-runner and only finding santorum, the Tea Party is left unsatisfied and still searching for a unifying candidate (usatoday.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Good news for iPhone 4S and iPad 2 users: Hacker to release untethered jailbreak within a week. Bad news for iPhone 4S and iPad 2 users: you are still using an overpriced piece of shiat, but hey, you can now change your wallpaper (ibtimes.com)
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Police speculate vehicle may have been traveling over the posted speed limit of 30 miles per hour, planning a complete investigation once they get the car down from the house roof it ended up on (jalopnik.com)
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Nutritionist says France should tackle child obesity by giving slim children better grades. Educators scoff at idea for U.S. saying it would only improve grades of three kids (reuters.com)
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After I finish updating my Facebook page with precise details on my location and actions, and Tweet about what I just did in the bathroom, remind me to tell you about the seven signs that show we're living in the post-privacy era (technolog.msnbc.msn.com)
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Things you probably shouldn't do while driving: texting, putting on makeup, making meth, reading the...wait, what? (orlandosentinel.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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As it turns out, Steve Jobs has become a psychologists wet dream (statesmanjournal.com)
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In pushing for quick approval of the Keystone pipeline, the oil industry's top lobbyist tells Obama that he's got real nice presidency there, it'd be a shame if something happened to it (boston.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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So, what's it like when your ambulance breaks down in Detroit late on New Year's Eve? Let's go to the video (myfoxdetroit.com)
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Turns out it is actually quite healthy for your teen to talk back and let you know you're horrible. HORRIBLE. *slams door* HORRIBLE *slams door again* HORRIBLE *slam* YOU'RE HORRIBLE (npr.org)
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"It's an entirely different kind of flying ... *hic* ... altogether" (blog.sfgate.com)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 348: "Desolation". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
|
Wed January 04, 2012
| (Some Guy) |
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People with unfortunate names are more likely to be abused and get ill, reports Dave Hitler (montrealgazette.com)
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Clearly, the sensible thing to do after losing an argument over cereal is to set yourself on fire (wxyz.com)
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Why gay men don't get fat. Hint: It has to do with what they put in their mouths (dailymail.co.uk)
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Finally, the end-of-year award you've all been waiting for: "Best of Show" at the annual competition of the Cartography and Geographic Information Society (slate.com)
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Roku unveils its Streaming Stick, promptly gets booted off Chatroulette (usatoday.com)
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Mitt Romney is so anti-gay rights that he will kill PBS to prevent Bert and Ernie from getting married. This link is brought to you by the number 2012 and the letter R (nydailynews.com)
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The only picture of a squirrel getting it on with T-Rex you'll see today. Really (thesun.co.uk)
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Fox News blames "left-wing blog Politico" for weak GOP field, forgets to blame Texas Bumpkin, Pizza Man, Crazy-Eyes, King Newt, Flip-Flopper, RON PAUL, or Creepy Catholic (rawstory.com)
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Last night in Iowa--the only place quieter than the Michelle Bachmann headquarters? The Barack Obama caucus meetings (cbsnews.com)
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Fox News explores whether every musician except Kid Rock is part of a secret conspiracy to keep all the really good campaign songs away from the GOP (foxnews.com)
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The @MentionMachine ranks candidates based on how often they're tweeted about, so congratulations, President Paul (salon.com)
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Old and busted: Catholics molested altar boys and covered it up for centuries. New hotness: Catholics sank the Titanic, orchestrated Holocaust, got America into Vietnam (twincities.com)
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Man to finally undergo surgery on one-meter tumor on his leg. Doctors will attempt to convert it to feet (news.com.au)
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CA judge rules that ramming someone with a shopping cart is protected political speech, so long as the person you are ramming is saying something you object to (news.yahoo.com)
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: Keith Olbermann may be feuding with the head of his network (chicagotribune.com)
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10 reasons Andrew Luck should return to Stanford (espn.go.com)
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Nagqu, Tibet to oust Charlie Sheen's trachea for title of world's highest airport (cnngo.com)
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Survey about "paperless society" isn't worth the pixels it's written on (networkworld.com)
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Judge rules that Darryl Strawberry's ex-wife can't touch the $800,000 she got in their divorce settlement until the IRS gets their cut, she hits at least one pinch-hit grand slam, and appears in at least four All-Star games (tmz.com)
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Fox still hasn't decided the future of low-rated, Nerf-gun sporting dinosaur "thriller" Terra Nova or whether or not Hugh Laurie will be back for another season of House (deadline.com)
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Apparently the folks at Reuters think a website is going to become the new CEO of Yahoo. Then again, how could it get any worse for Yahoo? (reuters.com)
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You know sometimes the ACLU can seem picky and annoying when demanding governments not fund things that seem to promote religion. But in the case of WV's "Jesus Fest" they may have a point (news.yahoo.com)
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Lest we forget bretheren, the great Bill Hicks delivers some truth (liveleak.com)
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What's the difference between a slow cooker and a Crockpot? Let me grab a drink from my Thermos and wipe my nose with a Kleenex, and I'll see if I can explain (foxnews.com)
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Man takes a Kinect, a couple of Wii remotes, a pair of cameras, a VR helmet, and a robot and does the logical thing: creates a device to help groom his cat (joystiq.com)
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Cops pulls a woman over for speeding and offers to take her out on a date to make up for the $132 ticket he's about to give her (azcentral.com)
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Chicagoans can now go online to track the snow plows that are not clearing their streets (wlsam.com)
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What happens when a group of 8-year-olds sing a song about being part of the 99 percent? Oh, you'd better believe there's outrage (radio.foxnews.com)
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Chicago man gets shot three times, shoved in trunk of his own car, is taken on a ride through the city, then manages to free himself and call for help. TA-DAA (abcnews.go.com)
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If you're a 90-something year old seaman who lost a shaving kit on a Navy submarine, the Manitowoc Maritime Museum would like a word with you (chicagotribune.com)
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Analyst predicts declines in TV viewership and movie ticket sales for 2012. There's only one way for Hollywood to fix this... MORE REALITY SHOWS AND REMAKES (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Holly Rowe will take out anyone who tries to get between her and an interview (deadspin.com)
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| (pri.org) |
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"14,000 people have checked out this story, most coming from Fark. Fark is a new aggregator looking for the strangest, weirdest, most upsetting or most important news." It's not new, it's Fark. (Item #6) (pri.org)
|
Tue January 03, 2012
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Today's burning question before SCOTUS: Does a police dog's sniff outside a house give officers the right to get a search warrant for illegal drugs, or is the sniff an unconstitutional search? (google.com)
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Skier 52 is executing a navigator directed Airborne Radar Approach on the Western Antarctic Ice Sheet. Let's drop into the cabin and see what's happening (youtube.com)
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Because crime is so low, Detroit decides to lay off 100 police officers (wxyz.com)
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| (The Daily Meal) |
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Chain restaurants worth eating at, presented as a 10-course prix fixe slideshow. We begin with an amuse bouche of Cheesecake Factory and finish with a subtle yet flavorful In-N-Out Burger (thedailymeal.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these shiny baubles into something more interesting (img-fotki.yandex.ru)
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Feminists upset after Lego launches a toy line for girls. "Someone should tell them that they already have one; it's called Legos" (tampabay.com)
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Did you know that the Loch Ness surface goes up and down by just 1.5mm when the monster gets out to towel off? (bbc.co.uk)
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Here's the defense budget. Now, here's the defense budget after your cuts (nytimes.com)
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Iron Photoshop Contest: Photoshop a ring and a king on the wing. (Link goes to something with no connection to this contest 'cause subby doesn't wanna give you any help) (farm3.static.flickr.com)
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Suffering from heavenly body odor? Maybe tonight's meteor shower can wash that away (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Missing for over 30 years after a plane crash, Peter Frampton's guitar has been found (spinner.com)
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Aretha Franklin is E-N-G-A-G-E-D (bbc.co.uk)
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Five-year-old girl has overdue books. Library: A) Sends a letter asking for it to be returned, B) sends an e-mail, or C) sends the cops to the girl's house (dailymail.co.uk)
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Herman Cain's qualifications for Secretary of Defense include serving several dangerous tours in the Omaha province and braving the streets of NYC to take a tour of the Intrepid (cbsnews.com)
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Taliban tentatively agree to set up office space in Qatar, though are pushing back on the format of TPS reports (bbc.co.uk)
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| (GOTO 10) |
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The Commodore 64 turns thirty, and you still can't get the ninja to jump across that farking river (reghardware.com)
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It's J.R.R. Tolkien's 120th birthday. Let us enjoy the One Ring poem in its author's own voice (youtube.com)
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California ferret lovers push to overturn ownership ban, and for legitimacy of the sport of ferret legging (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Donald Trump is ready to run on a third party ticket because he thinks the candidates are yo-yos (politico.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Just starting up a new gym routine as part of your New Year's resolutions? Here is your full list of gym etiquette, and for the love of all that is holy, pay attention to #5 (joethepeacock.blogspot.com)
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Kris Humphries sidelined with shoulder injury, once again has trouble getting his shot to fall into opening with 18-inch diameter (nj.com)
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Iran to U.S. Navy: Keep your fleet out of the Persian Gulf, or we'll publish pictures of us sinking your ships. U.S. Navy: That'd be one hell of a Photoshop job (reuters.com)
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Serena Williams: "I've actually never liked sports and I never understood how I became an athlete". How can he say that? (edition.cnn.com)
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So it turns out the secret to being rich is being a miserable cheap bastard (forbes.com)
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Congress wins Washington Post's praise by doing nothing, which let electric vehicle tax credit, subsidies for ethanol expire (washingtonpost.com)
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Lone woman sues Honda in small-claims court for not delivering promised mpg in her hybrid. Fark: After opting out of the class action lawsuit that Honda settled with $200 to owners and an $8.5 million payout to trial lawyers (wtop.com)
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Photoshop Challenge: Take any 2D image and make it look more 3D. (Or better yet - convert it to 3D) - IMPORTANT: Create one image showing the BEFORE and AFTER pictures (google.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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There's "stealing scrap metal" low, and then there's "stealing scrap metal from grave sites" low (newyork.cbslocal.com)
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Kobe Bryant takes shot to the wrist. If he thinks that's bad, just wait until the shot his wallet takes in the divorce (tmz.com)
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Just so you can say you've now seen it, here is Ron Paul's secret plan to actually win (buzzfeed.com)
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Disney World to stay open 24 consecutive hours on February 29. Most families should have enough time to get on at least two or three rides (articles.orlandosentinel.com)
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Scientists mystified as babies keep getting bigger and longer. IT'S CALLED "GROWING UP", DUMBASSES (dailymail.co.uk)
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Israelis and Palestinians to meet again for peace talks. Meet again? I thought they lived in the same house (bbc.co.uk)
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Reading Eagle (Pennsylvania) notes that some folks from FARK "speculated that Pennsylvania's weirdness could be because we're the nexus between North and South, the East Coast and the Midwest" (last paragraph) (readingeagle.com)
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While you were busy getting drunk and setting off fire works in your backyard, London was busy setting the sky ablaze with awesomeness (wimp.com)
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Stanford falls to Oklahoma State in overtime, Andrew Luck gets a head start as an Indianapolis Colt by losing in a shootout (scores.espn.go.com)
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Bad news: Woman gets raped. Worse news: Gets pregnant and gives up baby for adoption. Sappy: Reunites with daughter 77 years later. I think there's dust in my eye leftover from the Dust Bowl (msnbc.msn.com)
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Since Metta World Peace and Chad Ochocinco were already taken, I guess this was the next best choice (myfoxdc.com)
|
Mon January 02, 2012
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Want something done about that neighbor you hate? Then try the ancient villain-hitting ritual (news.yahoo.com)
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Ready, aim... buyer: Bonnie and Clyde's cache of guns set to fetch thousands at auction (dailymail.co.uk)
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Not only did Pedobear show up to watch Penn State play in the TicketCity Bowl, he managed to get on the video screen (with photo goodness) (deadspin.com)
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Will Kane's message of hate and Libertarianism further demoralize John Cena? And just who will be the mysterious person that returns on 1/2/2012? Brodus Clay? The Undertaker? Brock Lesnar? Akeem? Find out on WWE Monday Night Raw, 9 PM on USA (bleacherreport.com)
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Newt Gingrich says Obama shouldn't take 2012 salary because he won't be in the office much and he doesn't have a pocket constitution to govern with (washingtonpost.com)
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DeMarcus Cousins: "I want to be traded away." Sacramento Kings: "Forget about playing then" (espn.go.com)
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How to fix college athletics (nytimes.com)
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Dupuis, or not Dupuis: that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to suffer the injuries and lousy play of a mediocre forward, or to take arms against a scoring drought, and by waiving end it (tsn.ca)
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Google trials search page redesign. You'll get over it (bbc.co.uk)
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Rachel Maddow (with a straight face): "there may be liberals on TV at MSNBC, but the network is not operating with a political objective" (newsbusters.org)
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It's time for World Net Daily's "Most ignored stories of 2011." Why yes they all have to do with disproved Obama "conspiracies" and other ridiculous stretches of the imagination (wnd.com)
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Meet the highest-paid CEO in America: a guy you've never heard of running a company you probably don't know, but who made $145 million last year (thedailybeast.com)
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What better way to spend your day than with some old-fashioned outdoor hockey? Here's your Winter Classic thread, game starts 3pm EST (espn.go.com)
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Georgia Walmart store getting mixed results from new "free syringe with every clothing purchase" promotion (sfgate.com)
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The eleven most intriguing missing persons of 2011. Eight are pretty white girls, with a token black girl, a white boy, and one ugly girl (abcnews.go.com)
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If you're not doing anything around 2a.m. EST (0700 GMT) on Wednesday, you may want to go outside and look up. NASA predicting that the Quadrantid meteor shower will be peaking at around 100 meteors per hour (space.com)
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Wall Street back at Square One. Do the math (chicagotribune.com)
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| (Some Beery Guy) |
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"Why no occifer I habnt bin drinkling, hats my coloo... calloug... cawlaw......... toilet water" (demeterfragrance.com)
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How nasty is the 2012 election going to get? Well, it hasn't offically started yet, and Mitt Romey has already compared Barack Obama to Kim Kardashian (thedailybeast.com)
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British doctors suggest not flushing toilets to reduce the spread of diarrhea along with not brushing teeth to reduce spread of cavities (abcnews.go.com)
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Most members of professional sports teams maintain a public air of solidarity in accepting equal blame for a disappointing effort. Then, there's the 2011 New York Jets (espn.go.com)
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Former Danzig bassist is trying to get a restraining order against a woman he picked up on Facebook. I don't see how he thought any good would come from this... I mean, this chick is a Danzig fan he picked up on Facebook (tmz.com)
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| (WCIV) |
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Man pays $3000 to have huge cock put on Corvette hood (abcnews4.com)
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Eating squash soup 'til you get sick may not sound like a good way to celebrate New Year's, but then, you ancestors weren't enslaved by the French and denied squash soup, were they? (npr.org)
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Australian researcher gets test subjects to wear the same pair of jeans for three months straight without washing, a phenomenon we in the U.S. call "college" (news.com.au)
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This is what happened to Barbie's dream home six months after she turned into a meth head and Ken left her for a Real Doll (gizmodo.com)
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Yo yo, 2000 St. Louis Rams, I'm gonna let you finish, but the 2011 New Orleans Saints have the greatest offense of all time. OF ALL TIME (scores.espn.go.com)
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Top GOP electoral outcomes the press is secretly hoping for: 1) RON PAUL because RON PAUL, 2) Huntsman because hot daughters and wife, 3) a late entry because no, not Santorum, he's at 5) (newyorker.com)
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If you're going to try to get out of being arrested by bribing a deputy with NFL tickets, find a better game than the Miami Dolphins versus the New York Jets. "Miami-Jets tickets aren't worth a damn" (palmbeachpost.com)
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Helmet-to-helmet tackles are very painful ... especially if you're not wearing a helmet (w/video) (deadspin.com)
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That rustling in your back yard? Probably just a rabbit, or a deer, or an Iraq war vet armed-to-the-teeth who's living in the woods and has taken to hunting humans. Fark: EVERYBODY PANIC-worthy photo (cbsnews.com)
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| (Some Soldier) |
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Military is advertising on every Google search for "Military is". Meanwhile, Google's auto-complete suggests "Military is for uneducated people... is stupid... is a cult... is socialist" directly above the ad (freethoughtblogs.com)
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Colorado becomes fourth state to petition U.S. government to reclassify marijuana (edition.cnn.com)
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If you quit drinking in January to only crawl back into the bottle in February, you may die from a medical condition known as Janopause detox (dailymail.co.uk)
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Rick Perry "talks bumps and grinds," but not in his fabulous jacket (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Want - Want - Want - Want) |
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They are auctioning off the first 10 prototype Raspberry Pi boards on eBay, but more importantly, the auction indicates they will be selling them retail in a month (raspberrypi.org)
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| (Some Mac Guy) |
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New Steve Jobs action figure comes with kung-fu grip for your wallet (couriermail.com.au)
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Atlanta Falcon Rowdy Roddy White admits he IS the father of a child whose mother is suing him for child support, even though Maury hasn't come back with the official test results yet (tmz.com)
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Basket Weaving 101 has been replaced with Drum Circle Pounding 101 (nypost.com)
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Eerie pictures from inside a Ghost Village: Site that's been abandoned since World War II gets its only visitors of the year (dailymail.co.uk)
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On NYE, while Justin Bieber and Cee Lo were butchering Beatles/Lennon songs on live TV Alice Cooper, Steven Tyler and Weird Al sang "Come Together" at a small restaurant on Maui. Yeah, it rocked (youtube.com)
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Sun January 01, 2012
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Dennis Rodman comes up with a way to get guys to watch women's basketball (fannation.com)
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| (Naples Daily News) |
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Usually moms get drunk after taking the kids to amusement parks instead of at the amusement park (naplesnews.com)
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Lebron gets engaged on New Year's Eve, finally guaranteed a ring (chicagotribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Challenge: Finish this unfinished sketch (s017.radikal.ru)
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Koch Industries blows up children, blames government regulations "While business was becoming increasingly regulated, we kept thinking and acting as if we lived in a pure market economy" (bloomberg.com)
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Internet distributors are changing the TV syndication game. Even a modest performer like "Community", a dog if you will, gets a second chance (latimes.com)
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Today's edition of "that's a great idea, seriously, let us know how that turns out, ok?" brought to you by pro surfing's announcement that it will institute drug testing (guardian.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Obama's NDAA Signing Statement: I have the power to detain Americans...but I won't (infowars.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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It was 59 years ago today that Hank Williams died in the back seat of a Cadillac, somewhere between Bristol, Virginia and Oak Hill, West Virginia. And here's the car he died in (roadsideamerica.com)
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Packers QB sets team record for touchdowns in a game. No, not that one, the other one (scores.espn.go.com)
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According to the people who put their money where their mouth is Obama is 54% likely to be elected, Dems have only a 20% chance of keeping the Senate but they've now got a 33% shot at taking the House. So bet the over (news.yahoo.com)
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How to piss people off: 1. Perform most beloved song of beloved artist on national TV. 2. Change most important lyric, thus changing the entire meaning of song. 3. Get progressively more irate at fans on Twitter. Forget you, Cee Lo Green (huffingtonpost.com)
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SHMHC: Julie Christmas - Bow. Isn't it awful that they're letting women make heavy music? She can't hold a candle to whatever band you prefer. These thoughts and more to the right (youtube.com)
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Russell Brand could score $30 million payday for being married to Katy Perry for 14 months. Good work if you can get it (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sighing quietly to themselves that they put a man on the moon and now they're reduced to this, NASA patiently explains, yet again, that no, the world is not ending in 2012 and no, there are no such things as invisible space-serpents (news.yahoo.com)
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City randomly demolishes man's house without any notice or due process, then bills him $40k for the privilege. Then it gets weird (buffalonews.com)
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The nerdy drinking gadgets no self-respecting Farker's mom's basement should be without (gadgetbox.msnbc.msn.com)
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It's the jam-packed final week of the regular season, with the Cowboys vs. Giants for the NFC East, The Broncos vs. their neckbearded prodigal son, and the Lions vs. the Packers. It's the NFL Week 17 thread, 1 PM ET on CBS and Fox (scores.espn.go.com)
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City that paid millions to replace ugly old concrete sidewalks with granite-trimmed brick will pay millions to replace ugly old granite-trimmed brick sidewalks with concrete (telegram.com)
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Newt Gingrich plummets in the polls as voters suddenly remember who Newt Gingrich is (csmonitor.com)
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#ReoccupyWallStreet (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fast Five was 2011's most pirated movie. Well, you get what you pay for (hlntv.com)
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Rule 42: If enough stoned people post videos to the internet, eventually one will be a guy playing guitar with a Jack Russell puppy on his head (liveleak.com)
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Sing a song of sixpence, A pocket full of rye. Several hundred blackbirds, Falling from the sky. Scientists are puzzled why, They're falling from the heavens. All they know is that this ain't A repeat from 2011 (abcnews.go.com)
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The first rule of gunpoint carjacking club is, don't choose a cop. The second rule of gunpoint carjacking club is, choose a getaway driver who can drive (nj.com)
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Top 100 influential Canadians in baseball, 2011. You'll need a bigger leaflet (m.torontosun.com)
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| (Some TV Guy) |
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Man with military grade explosives stopped from boarding a United Flight out of Midland, TX. Is it time to panic yet? (ww2.cox.com)
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Sat December 31, 2011
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Internet trolls: your shtick is over 100 years old. U mad? (newscientist.com)
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Here at Walmart, we aren't experts like those guys at Taco Bell, but we're pretty sure that million dollar bill is fake (foxnews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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About That Santorum Surge. Let's cover it with some restraint and self-awareness (cjr.org)
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Over the course of a year, the average American consumes nearly 2000 pounds of food. That's a lot of Cheetos and pork rinds (npr.org)
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Newt Gingrich gets choked up recalling his sick mother. I guess abandoning her to pursue a younger, healthier mother took its toll on him (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's edition of "OH SNAP" brought to you by Wes Welker's retort after being fined $10,000 for wearing an unauthorized hat during postgame press conference: "Thanks for warning me the other 16 weeks I wore the hat" (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)
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If your clothes fly off the roof of your car onto a busy California freeway, just let them go, cause man, they're gone (azcentral.com)
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The top ten countries who like America (Or, the only places in the world where waving the American flag will less likely get you shot) (askmen.com)
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Some places are lax with safety, other places have never heard of the concept (liveleak.com)
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Injured coyote on the loose at Concord Naval Weapons Station hopes to find weapons better than those offered by ACME (blog.sfgate.com)
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Prison inmates have registered with the IRS as tax preparers. Will take payments in cash, candy bars, cigarettes (usatoday.com)
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Fark Photoshopper 2011 Retrospective: Dust off your Looties and post your year end Best of Video (fark.com)
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Alistair Overeem defeats Brock Lesnar via first round TKO. Brock immediately retires and challenges The Undertaker to a match at WrestleMania XXVIII. Well, he didn't do the second thing, but you know that's coming (espn.go.com)
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Fri December 30, 2011
| (Just A Good Ol' Boy) |
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TV stunt actor born in 1969, famous for a single stunt known to millions, has lived like a couch on a Georgia porch mostly since. After getting almost as much work done as Joan Rivers, he's ready for a comeback. Too bad he's typecast (barrett-jackson.com)
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Drivin' down your freeways / Midnight alleys roam / 19 cars, set on fire / Never saw the arson / So alone, so alone (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Gingrich says he'd consider Palin for VP. That would be quit some ticket there (realclearpolitics.com)
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U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit rules that police on the street can't simply PUT A KNIFE TO YOUR GENITALS (blogs.wsj.com)
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Etta James taken off respirator, breathing on her own at last (spinner.com)
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| (News Tribune) |
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The News Tribune (Tacoma, WA) says: "...sometimes individual stories on our website take on a life of their own and attract a much wider audience, especially when they are linked to by a big aggregator like FARK " (1st paragraph) (blog.thenewstribune.com)
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Today's big issue: should the homeless be allowed to watch internet porn at the library? (opinion.latimes.com)
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If you fooled around over the last 3 years with a guy named David Dean Smith, you better have your HIV status checked pronto. Thousands of you (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Sales of beets are up, and more restaurants are serving beets than ever, all of this another sign that we are running out of food (npr.org)
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For the first time since your grandpa was a kid, the US exported more fuel than it imported this year. Let's take a victory lap (old.news.yahoo.com)
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MySpace creator warns Google not to let Google+ become a "cesspool like MySpace" (guardian.co.uk)
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Russell Brand files for divorce, stocks up on "Welcome to Herpes" gift baskets (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sam's Club, home of the 40 gallon mayonnaise drum, enormous barrels of pickles, and 50 pound sacks of deep-fried frozen meat substitute nuggets, will now offer health screenings. First recommendation from doctors will be STOP SHOPPING HERE (wfaa.com)
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| (WSOCTV.com) |
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Police: "We totally have video of the handcuffed suspect choking herself to death, but we're refusing to release it because it mysteriously disappeared after being erased twice and set on fire" (wsoctv.com)
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Pic of astronauts returning to Earth leaving a blazing trail of fire behind them. Just like me after the 2 a.m. Taco Bell run (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Hiker and his dog rescued from California cliff after he slid down to get his dog when the dog went over the edge first. Hero tag is for all involved except the father who threw the bottle that the dog went over for (nypost.com)
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Jacob overtakes Jose as most popular boy's name in Texas. Also receiving votes: Divinefavour, JesusNazaret and King-David, Baby Boy, Clever, Handsome, Sir Genius, Memphiz and Tuff. Sadly, I'm not joking (chron.com)
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| (The Blaze) |
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Selfless Philadelphia city councilwoman retires for one day to pocket $478,057, then will be sworn in for a seventh term on Monday. What would America do without these underpaid bureaucrats working on our behalf? (theblaze.com)
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In today's entry from the "better late than never" files, a Christmas package reaches its destination one year and six days after it was mailed (qctimes.com)
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It's time again for your "Obama gets a free ride on the tough issues by the liberal media" media story of the day (realclearpolitics.com)
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Mitt Romney's son is a birther, says Obama should release his birth certificate. Which he did. Over a year ago. Meanwhile, no one has seen Romney's tax returns (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Washington Examiner) |
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Romney's flip-flopping goes back nearly a decade, where he ran as a pro-choice candidate in Massachusetts because polling told him pro-lifers were out (campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com)
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Washington likes to dump its bad news late on Friday...but for the -really- bad news they wait until late on Friday right before Christmas: "And a $4.2 trillion deficit is something that Americans need to know about" (washingtonpost.com)
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It's bad form to mock India's unhygienic conditions and lack of sanitation among the poor by driving around the slums in a Jaguar fitted with a toilet (dailymail.co.uk)
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How to make $1 million in 2 easy steps. Step 1: Bet $1 million on Tebow to lose to New England. Step 2: Collect that shiat (myfoxdc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Friday Instashop Challenge: If North Korea can Photoshop Dear Leader's funeral to make it better, then so can Fark (media.zenfs.com)
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| (GigaOm) |
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Verizon's VP of Network Engineering says its LTE network is fast like greased weasels on speed, and every bit as stable (gigaom.com)
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South Carolina Democrats seek to ban mandated cheerful phone greeting by state employees. In other news, South Carolina state workers still answer the phone (cbsnews.com)
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Meet two campaign finance loopholes the size of Iowa (politico.com)
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| (WLS) |
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And God said, be fruitful and multiply and get off this farking plane with your herd of crotchfruit (abclocal.go.com)
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Federal appeals court rules that corporations are very very special kinds of people that don't get sent to jail like ordinary people do (businessweek.com)
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103 year-old woman and her 84 year-old daughter who avoided eviction get a belated Christmas gift. TFA: Guy who arranged this lost his own home to foreclosure (ajc.com)
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Michigan State wages war on words "It's amazing, you didn't know that the ginormous baby-bump your pet parent showed you in the man cave was trickeration?" (cnn.com)
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In a reminder that the US legal system is serious business, "Beverly Hillbillies" actress settles lawsuit over Barbie doll (suntimes.com)
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Wall Street expected to finish the year back in black. Have a drink on me, you bastards. Enjoy your trip on the highway to hell (finance.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Town bans non residents from sledding because "If the sled riders were to lose control or were unable to get off their sled, they could potentially go over the hill into the woods". Ostensibly to Grandma's house (pittsburgh.cbslocal.com)
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Titanic artifact collection to be put up for auction. No word on whether that sketch of Kate Winslet's rack will be included free of charge (msnbc.msn.com)
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Doctors store patients' genetic codes, in a revolutionary step toward tailoring therapies specifically to an individual, and so they have a template to help reintegrate you after the transporter splits you into good and evil duplicates (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (inagist.com) |
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News: Author uses the sophomoric headline "Santorum Surges from Behind". Fark: Snarky twitter lad tweets headline across the internets. Ultrafark: Santorum retweeted it (inagist.com)
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If you're watching Netflix on your Xoom because the PlayStation Network and your BlackBerry are both down again, you'll love this article (cnn.com)
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Close inspection of official photographs reveals North Korea's secret army of giant soldiers. Difficulty: Apparently not Photoshopped (telegraph.co.uk)
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A congratulatory pat on the butt is a pretty normal thing in sports, but the LA Kings' Drew Doughty takes it just a *bit* too far in to Sandusky territory. Bonus: Video (youtube.com)
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Eight months after Peyton Manning's wife gives birth to twins, Colts' QB Dan Orlovsky becomes father of triplets. Andrew Luck suddenly rethinking senior year plans (dailymail.co.uk)
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Okay, you may be tired of every headline with the word "Skyrim" in it, but this one actually links to something awesome (youtube.com)
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Subby went to a football game and a basketball game broke out. Thursday Baylor defeated UW 67-56. In comparison Wednesday the #7 Baylor basketball team won 54-52 (scores.espn.go.com)
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Jews threaten to sue internet over allowing access to Muslims (technolog.msnbc.msn.com)
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A cry of noooooooooooo was heard throughout the net after 600 pound woman shuts down her website where people paid $19 a month to watch her eat because now she wants to lose weight (msnbc.msn.com)
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After 50 years and 200,000 casks, Glenfiddich's master cooper retires from the job he started on Christmas Day, 1961--at age 15 (bbc.co.uk)
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"____ police officers quell ___-fueled violence between ____ and ____ at birthplace of ____" Your words: christians(x2), jesus, broom, and Palestinian. Fill 'em in, still won't make sense (news.yahoo.com)
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New state laws for 2012. Get your shark fin soup while you can, California and Oregon (usatoday.com)
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Thu December 29, 2011
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Mother of the Year competition sees last-minute entry, as Louisiana woman leaves her foster children outside while she plays blackjack at a casino. On Christmas Eve day (nola.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rather than let his mother, wife or daughter move in, man burns down his house. Hero or crazy? You be the judge (tampa.cbslocal.com)
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If you've ever wanted to read the long-out-of print, incredibly awesome Blade Runner sketchbook, someone has graciously uploaded it to the internet so you can see firsthand the greatness of what could have been (wired.com)
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If you are on a cricket field, seriously, do not get on a Segway (sportsgrid.com)
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Tech luminaries we lost in 2011. May their memories never be deleted (computerworld.com)
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Most expensive pet toy ever? Cat plays Fruit Ninja on an iPad and scores 128 (youtube.com)
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Tom Brady gets shoulder X-Ray. When you embarrass God's only son Tim Tebow on the field, you had better bet God's going to get even (espn.go.com)
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Turkey admits 35 civilian deaths. Well there was bound to be some retribution for the annual Christmas day massacre (bbc.co.uk)
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| (goal.com) |
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Hulk like play for Andre Villas-Boas. Hulk go with Chelsea. Hulk hate puny soccer competition. HULK SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH COMPETITION (goal.com)
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Six weird cities people actually live in. Notably absent: Detroit (cracked.com)
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| (Apple Insider) |
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Apple is going to patent your face so they can sue your butt off, or something like that (appleinsider.com)
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Marshall Ward, Navy commander during Cuban Missile Crisis, dead at 89. He is perhaps best known for piloting his ship 100 yards away from a Soviet vessel to inspect its cargo at the height of the standoff (signonsandiego.com)
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In a rare appearance on Boing Boing, Ric Romero lets us know blogging is dead (boingboing.net)
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If you live in the projects and think it will be a good idea to rob a bank in the wealthy suburbs, it might be a good idea to get a getaway car that won't stall out and die in the bank parking lot (wwl.com)
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Man's car seized by police, destroyed and returned after a search for drugs turned up zero evidence. Damage to the car worth $12,000 (nj.com)
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If using an unregistered crane that will not pass physical inspection, select a location more than 250 feet away from the office of the state crane inspector (courant.com)
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One last look at Comet Lovejoy in a really cool one-night time lapse (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Sometimes the headlines write themselves:"Lady Gaga to count down to 2012 with ball-drop". Like we didn't see that coming (tv.msn.com)
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Mary Kaye Huntsman discusses Jon Huntsman's presidential chances. They fall somewhere between "fat" and "slim" (deseretnews.com)
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Gold prices on brink of bear market. Glenn Beck on brink of crying jag (bloomberg.com)
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Man shot by cop at Denny's expected to survive because thankfully he had not been served yet (chron.com)
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Microsoft announces ASP.NET zero-day vulnerability. What a pain in the ASP (theregister.co.uk)
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A One-Horse Town Down to Two People: Messex, Colorado, has been largely abandoned, and its only residents like it that way; 'We Get Along OK' (finance.yahoo.com)
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Michele Bachmann believes there is a grand conspiracy between Google, Facebook and facts working for Obama (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Not News: Delta charges woman $200 pet transport fee. News: She didn't take her pets on the flight. Fark: Delta refuses to refund money, saying she can't prove she DIDN'T take a pet on the plane (firstcoastnews.com)
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"Glee" star Lea Michele has threatened to move out of NYC if Bloomberg doesn't get rid of all the horses pulling carriages in Central Park. In related news, "Glee" star Lea Michele is moving (starpulse.com)
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ProTip: When skydiving, trying to imitate species that have no parachute analogue, like swallows and dragonflies, is a good way to get yourself killed (mirror.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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President of "E" Network explains why the Kardashian family is so popular, and strangely never once uses the phrase "a Dark Pact with the Infernal Lord" (sheknows.com)
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Brainless and faceless fish discovered in Scotland. "Get in ma belleh" (shortlist.com)
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Reporters are nicer to Elizabeth Warren than Scott Brown (bostonherald.com)
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Dear Lord, can we get a table dance? (sun-sentinel.com)
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Thousands of alien metal balls falling onto planet Earth. Experts say remain calm: "The balls seem to be designed to avoid striking any humans. They are friendly balls." If it's the Weekly World News, you know it's true (weeklyworldnews.com)
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Teenager dies days after delivering baby she saved by forgoing chemotherapy. 'She told the nurse, "I'm done, I did what I was supposed to. My baby is going to get here safe".' Damn dusty room (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bikini barista espresso stand sues barista for going to work at competing bikini barista espresso stand (thejobmouse.com)
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Hey South, thanks for coming to the funeral, it would have meant a lot to dad knowing you're here. Say listen I know this is a little awkward but you don't have a couple of bucks I could borrow? Just maybe gas money to the cemetery? (news.yahoo.com)
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Missing drug evidence points to rogue cop. In other news, there are a lot of rogue cops in Massachusetts. In other other news, police departments are not allowed to test officers for drug use (bostonherald.com)
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Quiznos wants to give you gas while you get gas (marketwatch.com)
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After BP donated $30 million to help Florida's tourism industry, officials spent the money on a poker tournament, fleece blankets, sports towels, a "most deserving mom" contest, and a prom for senior citizens (blog.al.com)
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Kardashian nanny is shopping tell-all book around to publishers, promises to reveal whether there really were five lights (tmz.com)
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Corn genetically modified to produce its own insecticide appears to be losing its effectiveness as nature appears to have genetically modified insects to be immune to it. Your move, science (news.yahoo.com)
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Catholic archbishop compares Gay Pride parade to Ku Klux Klan -- possibly because the KKK has started using designer sheets (dailymail.co.uk)
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Newt Gingrich blames his failure to get on the ballot in VA on an under-zealous staffer (reuters.com)
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| (Some Language Guy) |
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The most excruciating run-on sentence in the history of the internet (thoughtcatalog.com)
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Someone needs to tell Maria Menounos that when you tweet hot tub bikini pictures, crop out your parents first (hollywoodtuna.com)
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Democrats are to blame for poverty in America because the Colombian government built a giant elevator in the Medellin ghetto (americanthinker.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Article comes with built in headline: "I can't worry about the fact that there isn't a bus big enough for me to throw Paul Christoforo under. The internet did that for me. I think they set him on fire too" (gamerfront.net)
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Kasey Kahne has to apologize for anti-breastfeeding tweets, presumably after those three cougars who stalk him got really mad (seattlepi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wall Street Journal reviews the most-read stories of 2011. In summary, Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Borders Microsoft. Android teeth-gnashing to the right (appleinsider.com)
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In another flagrant example of government over-regulation, Montréal residents can no longer get their pancakes and eggs served by topless women and eat them while watching porn (cbc.ca)
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| (SaveMeFromBoredom) |
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Robber gets knocked out and forced to wipe up his blood (savemefromboredom.com)
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Banks submit proposals to be allowed to profit off the collapse of the housing market, presumably under the you break it, you bought it rule (huffingtonpost.com)
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Wrestling legend Kamala, the Ugandan Headhunter "unders leg amputation". After waking from sedation he promptly removes prosthetic, bashes doctor over head with it (sports.yahoo.com)
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A Kings of Leon rocker and his Victoria's Secret spouse are going to be first time parents. There's no obvious baby bump to showcase just yet but there are a couple of Angel poses worth viewing (bittenandbound.com)
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Appellate court lets woman sue man whose flying body parts struck her after he was hit by a train, noting that "flying bodies" case law is a little sparse (latimes.com)
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Neat freak fulfills his dream of opening $6M 'Museum of Clean' (complete with interactive exhibits on window washing and bed making) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Cruise will trace Titanic's route on 100th anniversary. To complete the experience, officials boast that the engineering and safety rules of modern ships mean there's no chance whatsoever of an iceberg puncturing the hull (suntimes.com)
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So you're a king eh?, Tell me, what's the monarching business pay these days? Really? Do you get medical and dental too? Nice (news.yahoo.com)
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Robert Reich's prediction for 2012 (based on absolutely no inside information): Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden swap places, Biden becomes Secretary of State - so get ready for a Obama-Clinton Presidential ticket (huffingtonpost.com)
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Santorum surging. Hopes to continue strong push from behind, squirt through in Iowa, explode onto the scene in early primaries, and run all over his Republican competition (csmonitor.com)
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"They met for the first time at a party and within minutes, one had offered to donate her kidney to the other" (dailymail.co.uk)
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WWE upset with Michael Cole's commentary, asks him to SHUT THE FARKING FARK UP (bleacherreport.com)
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How Belgium came to dominate the beer world. Warning - article is literary beer porn that will have you checking out plane ticket prices to Belgium (economist.com)
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One man's love letters to his true love are publically posted online. His 170 love letters. His 170 hand written love letters. Posted online exactly 150 years from the day he wrote them while fighting in the Civil War (stltoday.com)
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Cheetah death story hoax. Tarzan happy (google.com)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 347: "Farktography Classic: B-Sides and Unreleased Tracks 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
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Wed December 28, 2011
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Jewel's family set for Alaska reality show. Sarah Palin rolls her eyes, goes back to mumbling something incoherent (contactmusic.com)
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Badass Marine gets shot 3 times, plugs holes with his fingers. Perps strike out (dailymail.co.uk)
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Bon Iver making the first workout DVD targeted exclusively at hipsters. Exercises will include intense plaid shirt buttoning, repetitive beard stroking, and coffee cup curls (huffingtonpost.com)
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Ten work habits that could get you fired. Fark will be our secret (news.yahoo.com)
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Dollar gains. In comedic terms, it's somewhere between Carlos Mencia and Dane Cook (marketwatch.com)
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Female shoppers are "organized," "have a list," and "in a huge hurry." Males are "mission-driven," "get-it-done," and "driven by finding the best prices." TOTALLY different (slate.com)
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Moms p.o.ed at their breast feeding polices, set a bulls eye on Target stores and hold a "nurse in". We will keep you abreast on the outcome (huffingtonpost.com)
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U.S. sends the Iranians a little message about closing the strategic Strait of Hormuz if the West imposes sanctions. The U.S. Navy's 5th Fleet (news.yahoo.com)
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Apparently Ocean Marketing's customer service department has been caught on video (kotaku.com)
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AMC renews "Hell on Wheels" which is apparently a show that is on their network (insidetv.ew.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Screenwriter Damon Lindelof clears up the confusion about whether Prometheus is really an Alien prequel or not. Well not exactly (joblo.com)
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The top 5 bullshiat things that science journals had to retract in 2011 (vitals.msnbc.msn.com)
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Ugly-assed polar bear cub "Siku" conquers the Internet (spiegel.de)
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Want to see how weird Pennsylvania can get? Check out these weird stories from the past year (pennlive.com)
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| (NFL.com) |
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Congrats to rookies A.J Green, Von Miller, and Patrick Peterson for making the pro bowl. Now it's time to discuss the snubs. Subby will start off by mentioning London Fletcher (nfl.com)
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"I'm still depressed over the fact that my mom ordered the white iPhone 4s instead of the black one for me." And other ungrateful tweets (dailymail.co.uk)
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Deion Sanders' wife learns she will be getting a divorce while reading TMZ. It's not news, it's... well, actually, it was news to her (tmz.com)
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| (Q2) |
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Man makes a fool of himself by going to a hospital and demanding painkillers for his alleged back pain, then really shoots himself in the foot in his efforts to get them. No, really (ktvq.com)
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Romero Institute of Consumer Trends finds that people who shop online while drunk tend to buy more. Subby plans to finish article after completing order of glow skull soap and pickle lip balm from the FARK Shop (nytimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Despite my name being at the top of this column, I'm so busy lately I can't remember for sure whether I wrote all the words in this column, so I can't be held responsible for calling Ron Paul a racist, anti-gay conspiracist (commondreams.org)
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Golden State Warriors' Mark Jackson gets first victory as NBA coach, now only 1334 behind Don Nelson (google.com)
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Thanks to a switcheroo that would have impressed Indiana Jones and with the help of Jimmy Stewart as a smuggler, we now know the true origin of the mummified Yeti finger (bbc.co.uk)
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And so it begins, Romney is getting "loose." Dropping references to 'The Courtyard Marriott' and quoting rap songs in order to "relate" to voters. But boy that whole GOP freakshow was amusing while it lasted, huh? (nytimes.com)
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Plane tires blown. Plane smiles, rolls over, smokes a cigarette, and falls asleep (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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Some Indian tribes aren't stopping at running casinos; they're also dabbling in loan sharking. Soon to be followed by hijacking Lufthansa cargo, being chased by helicopters while running guns and cooking veal cutlets (greatfallstribune.com)
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Use your ass as the biometric password to log into your computer (theregister.co.uk)
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| (Some Girl) |
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SC woman sues bar for not checking her ID and then it gets stupid (abcnews4.com)
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The drama continues, national "media" has now picked up on ocean boy who won't be at PAX because he has to be at the gym in 26 minutes. Part 2 of Ocean Marketing soap opera (ingame.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bad things are bound to happen if you are overweight and horny, and decide to observe the seven-year anniversary of your best friend's death by visiting a whorehouse in Phuket (perthnow.com.au)
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Woman jumps barriers, pets elephants at zoo. She sounds flat (ktla.com)
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Man lets bikini-clad chick reach into his pants and try to snatch his coin-purse before beating her off with his crutches. (w/ you would have done the same pics) (myfoxdc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If your boyfriend asks you to prove your love to him by having oral sex with a 7 year old girl in front of him, in order for him to leave his wife, you might get the dumbass tag. If you really do it, you get the sick tag (ksee24.com)
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AZ judge says school district's ethnic studies program is illegal because teaching Hispanics how badly the state has screwed them over in the past might lead to "resentments" against white people (news.yahoo.com)
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Well, what you caught there is the infamous "Ball Cutter" fish...known to kill men by feasting on their testicles. With pic of ball cutting teeth (telegraph.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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At least he died doing something he loved. Smoking a cigarette. While hooked up to an oxygen tank. While having a coronary. While on fire (wmur.com)
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Turtle returned to sea after three years of rehab, even though he's just a shell of his former self (msnbc.msn.com)
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Putin plans series of fire side chats with the Russian people because Franklin Roosevelt would never rig an election, or something (dailymail.co.uk)
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Why we make bad decisions, whether it's supporting Occupy Wall Street, buying those baggy jeans, or listening to Nickelback (salon.com)
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Metal-backed iPhone 5 rumor rides again. \m/ (news.cnet.com)
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SyFy's next original movie is Arachnoquake, a film about a series of earthquakes that unleash giant albino spiders on New Orleans. It will star Tracey Gold and Ethan Phillips and might just be the best movie ever (huffingtonpost.com)
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In this most joyous of seasons, here comes the heart-warming story of the love between a crocodile called Elvis and his lawn mower (smh.com.au)
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Cheeta, chimpanzee star of "Tarzan," dead at 80. Me sad (popwatch.ew.com)
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Tue December 27, 2011
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Turns out the US House of Representatives likes to use the series of tubes to get their hands on illegal copies of self-help books and...uh...let's say "adult themed self-help videos". Download as I say, not as I download (boingboing.net)
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Iran threatens to sink own navy if its demands aren't met (nytimes.com)
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Nancy Pelosi promises to continue to keep the 99% in her prayers, as she quietly checks into her $10,000 Hawaiian resort suite. That's PER NIGHT (nation.foxnews.com)
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Company in Bethesda, Maryland offers employees unlimited* time off (washingtonpost.com)
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Reach into your pockets (but not too deep), because Obama has new tax for you in 2012 (bostonherald.com)
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Iran now found guilty of 9/11. Venezuela, you're looking pretty suspicious. Oh, and France? If you don't stop pissing us off, you'll be guilty of 9/11 too (abcnews.go.com)
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Carolina Hurricanes goalie Cam Ward gets the first goal of his career via another hell of a goof from New Jersey's Ilya Kovalchuk (youtube.com)
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NBA won't penalize Kevin Garnett for smacking a biatch (espn.go.com)
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Built in a Pizza Hutt, controlled by network of PolyStations, powered by Borio cookies, China unveils new Beidou navigator (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Penny Arcade) |
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Customer emails manufacturer about missed shipping deadline. Manufacturer responds with condescending, name-dropping email. Customer gets Penny Arcade involved and things get lulzy (penny-arcade.com)
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Someone took all those teenagers complaining about not getting a car or iPhone for Christmas and turned them into a song. Not safe for work lyrics (youtube.com)
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Dirty pinko Commie socialist says competition can't fix health care, but it can get you a better pizza (cnn.com)
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A lot of the internet is wasted time. And then there is this (youtube.com)
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A (farking) discussion on (bleeping) cursing in (expletive deleted) coaching. Obligatory Bob (%(@*#) Knight photo accompanies (blasted) article (indystar.com)
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In a few weeks Airlines will be forced to post the entire price of a ticket, including mandatory fees and government imposed taxes, as part of the fare (nytimes.com)
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Victoria Jackson leaves a six hour FBI meeting for washed up comedians with hours and hours of terrifying material from old Monty Python skits (huffingtonpost.com)
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Why Eagles' recent victories have made Andy Reid look slightly less incompetent (bleacherreport.com)
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Montanans launch Recall of Senators Max Baucus and Jonathan Tester, who approved NDAA Military Detention. The issue of federal official recall has never reached the federal courts (dailykos.com)
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| (Some Tanker) |
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Alert Alert There are Soviet tanks in the Bay Area ( and German and British and American ones too ) (mvtf.org)
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MLB's new security chief used to work for the Secret Service. When assigned to White House security in 1995, he denied Monica Lewinsky access to the Oval Office. Guess what happened next? (deadspin.com)
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Online internet web group of cyberspace computer virus hackers known as "Anonymous" is planning to invade your homes through the You Tube. Luckily, WND has enough heirloom seeds and robot insurance to quell the oncoming hordes (wnd.com)
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Couple's engagement ring recovered nearly 40 years after being stuck in a toilet--way longer than subby's marriage has been in the crapper (billingsgazette.com)
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Sofia Vergara. Purple... something something (dailymail.co.uk)
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#%(*@ Magnet Gun, and here's how it works (wired.com)
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| (WLKY) |
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Police arrest intoxicated man at AA meeting. Dude, you're doing it wrong ... way wrong (wlky.com)
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Someone wrote something in the Washington Post. George W. Bush said something 6 years ago. Coincidence? It also turns out this phone number spells out "Mad dag 911G" I'm telling you, we're on to something (theatlantic.com)
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If you think it's funny to hide outside your roommate's bathroom and make barking sounds as she comes out, then you better also be laughing when she kicks you repeatedly in the face (azcentral.com)
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Good news: Kids not being exposed to undesired boobies as much. Take Away: Study makes parents feel better about the internet. Kids: Whatever you say mom, you never did learn how to use encryption (latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's weather forecast: Godzilla is retrograding towards Iowa, but by Wednesday Mothra will swoop in from the northwest and push Godzilla off to the east (i.imgur.com)
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We need to stop worrying about the leap-second and get Global Standard Time back to normal (slate.com)
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Subway dispatcher will not be fired for displaying "deck the halls" lyrics in between boring messages on electronic signs on Christmas (myfoxboston.com)
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Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg spent the holiday weekend in Vietnam, where Facebook is banned. That sounds about right (radaronline.com)
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Newt breaks his "positive campaigning only" vow by attacking Mitt "the Massachusetts Moderate," says Mitt wanted him to and it was totally amicable (cbsnews.com)
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Burglar blames his actions on Marshmallow Vodka. Wait a minute, they have Marshmallow Vodka now? I bet it tastes like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man after a three day bender (chicagotribune.com)
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Obama's racket: Define poverty as somewhere close to median income, independent of how 'poor' they really are. Use the government to 'fix' this injustice. Then rake in the votes and love of the beneficiaries (americanthinker.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jared Leto is 40. I guess his so-called life is halfway finished (hlntv.com)
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It's not suprising that Rep John Conyers and the Rev. Jesse Jackson are fighting Gov. Snyder's attempt to replace the mayor and city council of Detroit with a hand-picked dictator. the real question is why isn't everybody else? (huffingtonpost.com)
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Let me stress that RON PAUL is not a homophobe or a racist. He simply doesn't like to use their bathrooms or have people speak spanish around him (huffingtonpost.com)
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What do you call it when someone steals money secretly? Theft. What do you call it when it happens openly by force? Robbery. And if a politician takes takes it in taxes and gives it to someone who is more likely to vote for him? Social Justice (townhall.com)
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Six weeks after the Occupy Wall Street crowd was evicted, police still have barricades around Wall Street's famous charging bull statue. "I wanted to get a picture of me riding the bull, so it's really disappointing" (nypost.com)
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Does this severed finger, long guarded by Himalayan monks, prove Yetis exist? (w/pics) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Man finds $10,000 in two unmarked Caesar's Palace envelopes in Vegas, does he: a) gamble it all away b) hookers and blow, or c) return it to its rightful owner? (9news.com)
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Because nothing says "football" like an 89-year-old Betty White discussing how hot Falcons QB Matt Ryan is (deadspin.com)
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Mon December 26, 2011
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Gallant abides by society's rules and doesn't make any commotion. Goofus won't leave a restaurant when requested and punches a cop in the face (suntimes.com)
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Will Breesus lead the Saints to victory over the Falcons... again? It's another year, and another post-Christmas New Orleans Saints vs. Atlanta Falcons game on Monday Night Football, 8:30 PM ET on ESPN (espn.go.com)
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Intel and Kraft create prototype of intelligent vending machine that analyzes a customer's age and sex, yet invariably delivers a dessert that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Jello (bbc.co.uk)
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If eating produce is supposed to be so good for you, then why are fruit flies always so fat and diabetic? (blog.al.com)
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96-year old army vet has been donating blood since he was 21. How much blood have you donated? (abcnews.go.com)
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Definition of the entrepreneurial spirit: When the School Board fires you from your secretarial job because you moonlighted in a couple porn films- you start your own porn production company (ca.news.yahoo.com)
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There are ideas adrift in the luminiferous ether that miasmas and other such substances simply don't exist (wired.com)
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The five best films about the love between a man and his horse. NO, NOT LIKE THAT (nerve.com)
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India courts order internet firms to filter content. OH MY GOODNESS (marketwatch.com)
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Vet survives a suicide bomb attack in Kandahar only to be shot and paralyzed at his homecoming party while trying to break up a fight over football (news.yahoo.com)
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Moffatt to quit Dr. Who, citing stress. By which he means "they won't let me get a piece of the movie deal" (mirror.co.uk)
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Old people complain about the work ethic of the younger generation, yell at clouds (chicagotribune.com)
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| (phillyburbs) |
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Phillyburbs notes how the story of an outspoken Pennsylvania teacher was picked up by FARK before the TV and radio networks (1st paragraph) (phillyburbs.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kids are getting smartererer: the percentage in England who think we celebrate Obama's birthday on December 25th is down to 9% (3am.co.uk)
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Apple plans to use hydrogen cells in batteries for longer iPhone charge time. Good luck getting that through airport security (news.com.au)
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This day in 1970, George Harrison goes to #1 with "He's So Fine/My Sweet Lord" (youtube.com)
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If you've got a group of people passing around a loaded shotgun to pose for pictures, you just know someone's going to get shot (qctimes.com)
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| (WTSP.com) |
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Woman punches elderly Walmart greeter on Christmas Eve rather than show receipts (wtsp.com)
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Underage ex-student: "I have been secretly dating my ex-teacher" Aunt: "He is dating your mother as well" Farkers: Y NO THREESOME (nypost.com)
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| (Some Londoner) |
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Want to see a city completely empty of people? Try London on Christmas morning (ianvisits.co.uk)
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Sun December 25, 2011
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SHMHC takes you South of Heaven to show you why no one celebrates Christmas better than metalheads (youtube.com)
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An entire classroom full of children get the exact present they wanted from Santa. Yes, even one little girl who only wanted her father home from Iraq this Christmas. It sure is dusty in here (youtube.com)
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The meter maid wins again (mirror.co.uk)
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Can the Bears halt their free-fall into mediocrity? Will the Packers bounce back from the end of a perfect run? Will anyone still be sober after gallons of after-dinner spiked egg nog? Tune in for Christmas NFL action at 8:20 ET on NBC (sports.yahoo.com)
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Decades later, a Cold War secret is revealed in Danbury, CT (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Christmas greetings from Marvel & DC Comics. For those who keep score of these things, DC clearly won this battle (comicbookmovie.com)
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Cash is King: The Obama administration appears to have softened a U.S. ban on Internet gambling (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Okay photo-Farkers, if you've gotten a new camera and flash this Christmas/ Diwali/ Kwanzaa/ Hannukah/ Festivus/ Hitler's Birthday, this is a pretty good blog for learning how to use flashes (strobist.blogspot.com)
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Woman changes her name to "Look At Me, I'm An Attention Whore". Just kidding, but that would be better than what she actually chose (mirror.co.uk)
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The NBA returns for its truncated 2011/2012 season, but will the fans be back, as well? It's a Christmas Quintupleheader to open the season, with games beginning at Noon on TNT, 2:30 PM on ABC, and 8 PM on ESPN (scores.espn.go.com)
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Playful penguins enjoying a white Christmas in Antarctica. Also, it's time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode (dailymail.co.uk)
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"The Slutcracker": Tchaikovsky's timeless Christmas ballet performed by pole dancers (w/video showcasing traditional & non-traditional versions of "The Nutcracker") Some content Not safe for work (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sat December 24, 2011
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Admit it. You have lots of questions about Christianity, but none more burning than whether or not Jesus had an in-style hairdo (slate.com)
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Jerome Simpson's ridiculous somersault TD gets the super-super-slow-mo treatment (deadspin.com)
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Thief raises the bar in the "stupid things to leave behind at the crime scene" competition, leaves behind picture of himself on phone he stole in previous burglary (dailymail.co.uk)
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These paintings are even better if you are totally tripping balls (dailymail.co.uk)
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The true, secret history of Festivus. And yes, it's real (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (SaveOnBrew) |
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Five worst beers to give as a gift. Let the Christmas rage begin (saveonbrew.com)
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The Star of Bethlehem was either a star, comet, aliens, or a supernova (msnbc.msn.com)
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Guy scores venti payout from Starbuck's after slipping on wet floor, his wife also gets a grande bit because he can't get tall any more (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Forget antidepressants and talk therapy. The best way to overcome your depression is a fistful of placebo pills (mnn.com)
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The 2+ hour documentary "Star Wars Begins" a behind the scenes look at the making of Star Wars, out takes, deleted scenes, etc. Pretty good stuff for all the fans, and now all in one video (youtube.com)
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| (Lohud.com) |
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Nine-year-old boy with leukemia gets rescue puppy for Christmas, delivered by fire truck. And if that don't do the trick, the pic in TFA will demolish the rest of you cold-hearted bastards (lohud.com)
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Okay, the Darth Vader head and the Opus doll are pretty cool, but topping your Christmas tree with a Seahawks helmet is just too much (azfamily.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Had I known that I wouldn't be getting a first gen back, I would have never sent mine in. Greed got the best of me. I should have kept my first gen, it was fine (appleinsider.com)
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Autistic boy placed in "therapy" bag to control outbursts. In other news, there are 673 teeth on a gym bag zipper (nydailynews.com)
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If your doctor has you hold the IV bag, smokes a cigar during your procedure, and flushes your fat down the toilet, he may not be legit (nbcbayarea.com)
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| (Patch) |
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Dad returns from Iraq to surprise kids at Medieval Times. When the hell will allergy season end? (severn.patch.com)
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Fri December 23, 2011
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Q: What do you call a guy who finished last in medical school? A: Better qualified than some of the hacks running around in Army hospitals (cnn.com)
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Q: What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A: The pickpocket snatches your watch (abcnews.go.com)
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| (GovWin) |
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Get last-minute gift ideas from the Army's PEO Soldier Portfolio, or if you prefer, a printable calendar from the National Counterterrorism Center (govwin.com)
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Geez. Nurses in Utah find creative use for medical tape and everyone gets all upset (washingtonpost.com)
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Paul Krugman: "Mitt Romney believes only corporations and the wealthy should have any rights in America and wants to return America to feudalism" (nytimes.com)
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Five things that shouldn't exist in the future, yet still show up in Sci-fi all the time (gammasquad.uproxx.com)
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St. Petersburg Times notes that no article about the weirdness of Florida is complete without FARK finding a way to poke fun (1st paragraph) (tampabay.com)
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If you've ever dreamed of being insulted by Louis C.K., just forget your password to his website (uproxx.com)
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Since you weren't doing very much at work this week, the Fark Weird News Quiz should be pretty easy. Right? (fark.com)
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If "Holiday Heart Syndrome" doesn't get you, the tree bugs will. Merry frickin' Christmas (straightdope.com)
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In a televised stock market discussion about liking Dick's Sporting Goods, it's probably best to use the company's full name (liveleak.com)
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Let's check in and see how things are going for Kentucky's taxpayer-subsidized creationist themepark (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Citizens of Coralville, Iowa outraged that Old Country Buffet shut down without notice. "There are no buffets left in town. What will we do?" (press-citizen.com)
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In the worst tragedy on American soil since 9/11, vegetarian's life completely ruined because some stoned teenage windowlicker wouldn't make her a veggie sub. 10 years from now, we'll all remember where we were when we read this (consumerist.com)
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Slow news day: Golden retriever takes a bath (dailymail.co.uk)
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Every Batman suit ever. Where *does* he get those wonderful tailors? (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)
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Craiglist thieves use Craigslist to sell Craigslist items stolen from Craigslist meetings. Craigslist (wlsam.com)
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Google to pay $900M to remain the default search engine for Firefox. Bing will pay $35 and a Cheddar's coupon to remain the default search engine for Internet Explorer (chicagotribune.com)
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Happy holidays from Fox News, where President Obama is a "skinny, ghetto crackhead" (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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UK anti-doping agency warns that athletes who eat too much liver may test positive for a banned substance and not be allowed to participâté in the London Olympics (sports.espn.go.com)
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| (Complex.com) |
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50 films that are better than the book. Yes, it is a slideshow. But, in Subby's opinion, for lovers of cinema and literature, it is a must read (complex.com)
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Indiana's GOP Secretary of State finally reveals undisputed case of voter fraud (dailykos.com)
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Netflix CEO announces he will take a pay cut next year. Instead of $3 million, he'll only get $1.5 million (mercurynews.com)
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| (Coventry Telegraph) |
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Man gets two years in prison for selling cocaine while being drunk and dressed as The Incredible Hulk, after police caught him green-handed (coventrytelegraph.net)
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Ever wonder why aquatic mammals don't get the bends? Apparently, they do (newswatch.nationalgeographic.com)
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Precambrian fossils, once thought to be embryos, reinterpreted as... omelettes, I guess (arstechnica.com)
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"All about me" attitude fades at age 33, say researchers who have never met any baby boomers (nzherald.co.nz)
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| (Irish Times) |
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A letter to Santa written by two children in 1911 was discovered in 1992 in a Dublin fireplace (irishtimes.com)
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Leonardo DiCaprio continues on his quest to bang Victoria's Secret model. All of them. FLAWLESS VICTORY (dailymail.co.uk)
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The controversy over his newletters has caused Ron Paul's popularity to surge among certain parts of the electorate. Unfortunately for him, it's the parts made up of people that shout things like "white power" (theatlanticwire.com)
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Gingrich campaign on Calista: "We're waiting to unleash her". Complete with creepy Calista waiting to be unleashed pic (huffingtonpost.com)
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John Boehner: "If you can get this fixed, why not uh, why not do the right thing for the American people - even though it's not exactly what we want?" (talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sad: Somebody stole an inflatable Frosty the Snowman from a family's front yard. Awesome: The captors show Frosty a good time, document the whole thing, and return him two weeks later (heraldsun.com.au)
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NYC subway vigilante Bernard Goetz gets his sweet revenge... well sort of (nypost.com)
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With winter extending its icy grip on poor slobs in northern climates, and endless months of dreary, cold, and miserable weather are enough to drive even the sane to consider eating a bullet, there's only one answer: Glogg (npr.org)
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Cafe owner posts sign of himself threatening Santa with a knife, saying "Eat here or the old bastard gets it". Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Go ahead, type 'define an English person' into Google and see what you get (seroundtable.com)
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| (The Province) |
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If you're printing $1 million of fake Canadian $100 bills, try and get the security thread correct and the picture a bit less like Arturo Toscanini (theprovince.com)
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From the "adding insult to injury" files: boy is run down by SUV, then ticketed for walking on the wrong side of the street (upi.com)
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Cleaning crew finds meth lab in apartment. That's *so* coming out of your security deposit (mcall.com)
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Let's try the grenade toss, private. Uh, now let's try the trench cover. NOW (youtube.com)
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The most amazing view of a comet EVER (youtube.com)
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| (Bozeman Comical) |
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Man steals woman's panties from her apartment for use as masturbatory aid, gets caught while breaking back in to return them, gives her his voter registration card, and flees. Unknown where his polling place was at this time (bozemandailychronicle.com)
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What time is it when the leading "fact checker" declares its "Lie of the Year" comes from a liberal? Why, it's time to begin questioning whether "fact checkers" do more harm than good, of course (npr.org)
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Thu December 22, 2011
| (Some Guy) |
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Sometimes a renter will take appliances or whatnot when he moves out in a huff. Other times he may take his landlord's underage daughter (ksl.com)
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As if you needed another reason to not use GoDaddy, they're pretty much the only Internet company that supports SOPA (arstechnica.com)
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Man punches three bar patrons in the face after getting booed off stage during karaoke. He's singing "In the Jailhouse Now" (thesmokinggun.com)
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Photoshop theme:Photoshop an excuse to get out of work (fark.com)
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Will the Colts continue to ruin their draft position? Who is TJ Yates? Find out tonight on your Thursday Night Football thread. Colts vs. Texans. 8:20 PM ET. NFL Network (scores.espn.go.com)
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Adele tweets photo of weight loss. She lost the equivalent of one Kate Moss (dailystab.com)
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Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's holiday TV ad: "Let's put our differences aside" (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Ho-hum, another picture of that comet that survived a close encounter with the Sun. OK... [click] Oh, WOW (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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House Majority Leader Eric Cantor invites President Obama to negotiations on Capitol Hill, says "He could bring his dog" because I'm pet friendly. Ummmm, whatever you're into Mr Cantor (realclearpolitics.com)
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Slow motion magnets, how do they work? (youtube.com)
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Wendy's is about to overtake Burger King as the second-most popular burger chain in America, due primarily to better burgers, fries, and the lack of a terrifying mascot (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Perhaps the only thing more obnoxious than people who spend a small fortune each year on Christmas presents for their children are the people who spend a small fortune on presents for their pets. "He's getting a costume and a hat" (ktar.com)
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Meryl Streep: "I keep forgetting my... um... uh... oh, shiat" (showbizspy.com)
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One city will be celebrating Festivus, complete with Pole, an Airing of Grievances, and the requisite Feats of Strength (qctimes.com)
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| (Some Dumb Kid) |
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Heads up kids, if you're a a good student but a dumbass on social media sites, it may keep you from getting into college (wtsp.com)
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| (Ms. Manners) |
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Japanese soccer hooligans pour into street to celebrate team's victory, then move to sidewalks when the light changes so traffic can get by. You're doing it wrong. (w. video) (badjocks.com)
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Studies confirm that the man tweeting next to you as the plane rolls down the runway would rather all of you die in a fiery crash than have the world be denied even 5 minutes of his 140-character wit (travel.usatoday.com)
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Man in custody after gas explosion threat, faces lifetime ban from Taco Bell (mcall.com)
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Experts say high prices for low quality are keeping people from buying tickets at box office. Researchers still puzzled how Indianapolis Colts keep playing to a full house (foxnews.com)
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| (Some Tiny Violin) |
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According to etiquette experts, holiday restaurant tipping varies widely among cheapskates, tightwads, and skinflints (vancouversun.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The most awesome, and the most awesomely bad, metal album covers of the year (revolvermag.com)
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Kris Humphries returns to New Jersey Nets for preseason basketball game. Just like his marriage, he's heavily booed and fails to score (dailymail.co.uk)
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"At one workplace, the employer had attached a large sex toy to the unisex washroom key so it wouldn't be misplaced. When a female employee complained, her boss refused to get rid of the key-chain. She no longer works there" (thestar.com)
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Is it proper football etiquette to continue to wear the NFL jersey of a player who has signed with another team? "Two-beer fine" (indystar.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Who said democracy was dead? Meet Vermin Supreme, presidential candidate (gloucestertimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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IBM reveals five innovations that will change our lives forever in the near future, or at least until something else gets invented (www-03.ibm.com)
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Sade operates her way back to the top. SWEET (metro.co.uk)
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Philly.com: "We got a kick out of this 'headline' on Fark.com." Fark.com: "We 'bet' you did." (2nd-to-last section) (philly.com)
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"Like Clinton before him, but even more so, Obama is a neo-liberal, not a New Deal liberal, and the difference between the two is as big as the difference between night and day" (aljazeera.com)
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Lesbian vampire killer set to walk free after 20 years. Doesn't know about Twilight yet (dailymail.co.uk)
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Tim Minchin and Professor Brian Cox team up to sing a modern Christmas carol. That sound you hear is the sound of thousands of farkettes falling in love, and thousands more farkers suddenly doubting their sexuality (youtube.com)
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Maricopa Country sheriffs office is sued over its surgical bondage fetish (seattlepi.com)
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An old Fark Photoshop contest picture gets a shout-out on I Heart Chaos. Tag is for all of you Fark photoshoppers (iheartchaos.com)
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Stone Temple Pilots' Scott Weiland releasing Christmas album. Plans to give a new personal interpretation of "White Christmas" (edition.cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Putting Ketchup In The Fridge": A Radiohead track from the mid 90s that was unreleased until today (onethirtybpm.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest most beautiful comet Lovejoy picture you'll see today (universetoday.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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A man has been charged with attempted murder after throwing a bowling ball at a woman's head. The Sphinx says that before throwing the bowling ball, you must first let the bowling ball throw you (charlotte.cbslocal.com)
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The complete guide on how to give people the Christmas presents they actually want (slate.com)
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| (Topless Robot) |
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Crocheted Boba Fett? Crocheted Boba Fett, WHERE? (toplessrobot.com)
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I'm not saying it was aliens who created this ten-thousand-year-old obsidian bracelet with micrometer precision...but it was aliens (physorg.com)
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81-year old woman beats up the gun-toting man who mugged her daughter, demands he get off her lawn. Sure, it happened in Florida, but this woman deserves the Hero tag (sun-sentinel.com)
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| (Some Naked, Roaring Guy) |
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Naked, roaring man arrested after being found sleeping in stranger's home. "When he opened the door to roar again, the trooper used a shotgun to shoot him in the stomach with a non-lethal beanbag" (bozemandailychronicle.com)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 346: "Farktography Classic: Season's Greetings 5". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
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Wed December 21, 2011
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Macaca, v2.0: George Allen, thinking his mic is off, describes a Facebook townhall meeting as "torturous" (huffingtonpost.com)
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Evidence suggests that the 2008 financial crisis was triggered by a "Bear Raid" market manipulation by short sellers against Citygroup late in 2007 (boingboing.net)
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Coal plant operators finally run out of briquettes, will have to comply with a nearly 30 year backlog of clean air regulations (msnbc.msn.com)
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New deep-fried planets found, surprisingly not at the Iowa State Fair (news.nationalgeographic.com)
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Just in case you forgot about his jewelry fetish, NewtGingrich.com redirects you to the website of Tiffany & Co (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mullets plead not guilty to attacking beards (myfoxchicago.com)
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This holiday season, let's remember the heroes of WWII, who braved freezing conditions in the Battle for Bastogne in 1944. We remember this non-denominational Xmas event with live action, role playing bunnies (teamcoco.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mistletoe, snow spray, bubble lights, alcohol, and other common Christmas items that will kill you, because death never takes a holiday (syracuse.com)
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If you happen to find a winning Powerball ticket from June 29, the Georgia Lottery would like a word with you by next Tuesday (ajc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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A Navy tradition caught up with the repeal of 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' today when two women sailors became the first to share the coveted "first kiss" on the dock after one of them returned from 80 days at sea (wtkr.com)
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Kim Jong Un issues first order as president. I bet it was for a banana split (cnn.com)
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Yet another reason to hate Mark Sanchez (msn.foxsports.com)
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| (Pajiba) |
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The 10 Best SNL Sketches of 2011. Yes, SNL is still on, and we know, it hasn't been good since whenever. Aren't you edgy (pajiba.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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RIAA: We're not pirating movies, it was some other guys. Given the open and sometimes transitive nature of the Internet you can see how there might be confusion as to the true culprit. Well, back to the mass suing (torrentfreak.com)
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Japan tsunami before/after Google street view pics, with nifty slider gizmo to illustrate the devastation (npr.org)
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Zombie Prodigy.net email accounts can awake from the dead to vomit spam all over the internet (startribune.com)
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| (wzzm13.com) |
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"This is an interesting mix. Some stories got picked up by national networks or aggregators like Drudge Report and Fark.com." That *is* interesting, isn't it? (2nd paragraph shoutout) (wzzm13.com)
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| (Mercatus Center) |
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#Occupy Their Lawn might be the move, what with the bluehairs soaking up half the federal budget in two decades' time (mercatus.org)
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AI runner-up David Archuleta announces he's taking a break from performing. Tulsa Holiday Inn promptly checks for availability of Justin Guarini (tmz.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The G-canon convention means that Obi-Wan Kenobi's home planet is named after Jon Stewart (thenextweb.com)
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Don't worry, they're writing the script for the seventh Fast and Furious movie while they're writing the sixth, so you won't have to wait between films. Not that it takes too long to write those things anyway (slashfilm.com)
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And now presenting, the seven types of holiday fights you are about to get in (cracked.com)
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In a world of street food, this converted 18 wheeler crushes them all. "We wanted to turn it into a show" (pennlive.com)
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Unlike American football, Europeans don't need to stomp on someone to get suspended. Name calling will do it (usatoday.com)
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Politifact's Lie of the Year widely criticized among right-wing blogosphere. Oh it was a Democratic lie and liberals are upset? Never mind (tampabay.com)
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This is what Kobe Bryant dropped his wife for...allegedly. No nudity, but you'll probably want to wait until you get home (withleather.uproxx.com)
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The killing of Osama bin Laden chosen as top news story of 2011. In other news, the top story from 2001 to 2010 was that he kept getting away (nzherald.co.nz)
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Need a last-minute gift for your kids but can't figure out what to get them? How about these new Occupy Wall Street-inspired Lego sets? (slate.com)
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Y'all be better off forgettin 'bout that Apple walkie talkie whatsis and just gettin a replacement dial fer yer kitchen wall phone. 'Taint gunna work. Now, you'n want a coke or sweet tea with yer chaw? (foxnews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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European auto insurers are looking to use black box data to get around the coming ban on rate discrimination against men (insurancejournal.com)
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Scary: boy gets flesh eating bacteria. Interesting: on the face. News: survives. Fark: so the Vatican canonizes a dead 17th centry Native American. Cool: first American saint. Silly: unless you're Mormon, I guess (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Ed Wade returns to the Phillies as a special consultant. Houston Astros fans confused since they're pretty sure he's been working for Philadelphia the past five seasons (sports.yahoo.com)
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Now, THIS is a Christmas choir I would like to get my hands on (youtube.com)
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Get ready for Avian Flu XXII: The Oh-Farkening (dailymail.co.uk)
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Macy Gray performs a cover of Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters". Whodathunk it would work as a soul song? (foundrymusic.com)
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Massachusetts will let you buy lottery tickets with food stamps unless you get one of those downer clerks who insists on enforcing the rules (bostonherald.com)
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Faced with the prospect of voting for a sociopathic Catholic womanizer or a flip-flopping Mormon cultist, Evangelicals are getting desperate (politico.com)
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After years of insomnia-based all nighters, Chinese hackers discover the secret to restful sleep. They break into US Chamber of Commerce policy statement discussions (foxnews.com)
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Study finds when college's football team wins, male student grades drop. On the plus side, male students get laid more (www2.tbo.com)
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Teenage juror who stopped trial by pretending to be sick but in fact used the time to go and see musical "Chicago" found guilty of giving the judge the old razzle-dazzle (telegraph.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Albums to help you have a very metal Christmas (gibson.com)
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The Buckeys get a one-year bowl ban. As if they'd be able to play in one next year anyway (cleveland.com)
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Latecomer for the coveted Father of the Year award arrested for putting a photo of his bound and gagged 22-month-old daughter on Facebook (chicagotribune.com)
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| (slam online) |
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Kobe Bryant says knee is 90% better. Doctors say it should completely heal since he'll no longer have to use it to beg his wife's forgiveness (slamonline.com)
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Another college football coach shamed in an NCAA scandal...for paying his staff out of his own pocket. Go dawgs (espn.go.com)
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ESPN later regretted putting its crowd mic in the middle of a section of extremely drunk Florida International fans (deadspin.com)
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Man who lost his wallet containing $5,600 in cash has it returned less than 24 hours after it went missing (wxyz.com)
|
Tue December 20, 2011
| |
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The first trailer for "The Hobbit" is finally online. Peter Jackson has done it again (comingsoon.net)
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| |
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Philadelphia Daily News sportswriter Bill Conlin "retires" amid allegations that he has completed the creepy old guy child molester trifecta (philly.com)
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| (Some Guy?) |
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Photoshop this reticent reward recipient (upload.wikimedia.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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SOPA hearing set for tomorrow postponed "due to House schedule" (twitter.com)
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Astronomers find two Earth-sized planets orbiting another star; both hotter than Mercury, your mom (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Scientists claim to have discovered the secret of the Turin Shroud. Their conclusion? They're not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens (independent.co.uk)
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House GOP finally meets a tax cut they don't like (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)
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Penthouse sells for $157m. Price attributed to limited number available and fact that pages were not stuck together (bloomberg.com)
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You know that billboard with the picture of George W. Bush that says "Miss me yet?" Well, the Syrian protesters have an answer (weeklystandard.com)
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Now it is 1984 / Knock-knock at your front door / It's the suede-denim secret police / They have come to Indonesia (news.yahoo.com)
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Merrill Lynch says Canadian real estate market is in a bubble and prices could plunge 5% to 10% over the next year. Hmm, actually, -10% returns are pretty good in this economy (theglobeandmail.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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New Firefox arrives two weeks after the last iteration. Expected to be a lot better than the last one (geek.com)
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RIAA gives Google low marks on its effort to slow piracy. Internet gives RIAA low marks on its lack of effort in killing Nickelback (arstechnica.com)
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NYC man gets a ticket for putting his garbage cans at the curb 30 minutes early. Thanks zero tolerance Sanitation Department for the $100 ticket (myfoxny.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently this year's War on Christmas will be of the "civil" variety as MI homeowners recieve an anonymous letter denouncing their Christmas light displays for perpetuating a pagan tradition (northwestohio.com)
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25 athletes with strange obsessions (bleacherreport.com)
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Occupy Denver protesters set their own tents and structures on fire as they get kicked out of park (thedenverchannel.com)
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Japan decides to upgrade F-4 fleet to F-35's, citing the concerns over China, North Korea, Mothra (bbc.co.uk)
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That racist Ron Paul newsletter that Ron Paul says he never authored, strange how he originally defended what it said and didn't say he didn't write it (theatlantic.com)
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Man publishes 200-page book of nothing but blank pages: 'Everything Obama Knows About The Economy', because 'get it' it's so funny and original. HURRRR *snort* (dailycaller.com)
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The age-old question of "who would win a rap battle between Santa and Jesus" is finally answered...kinda (language is NSFW) (youtube.com)
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Hugh Hefner had mixed thoughts about putting Lindsay Lohan on the cover of Playboy. Specifically, he was torn between vomiting and dry-heaving (celebitchy.com)
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University of Texas College Republicans President tweets: "My president is black. He snorts a lot of crack." Is our children learning, indeed (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (German Herald) |
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New laboratory is growing human skin from foreskins collected from infants. It's safe, completely natural and the only side effect is that when burn victims see pretty women, they stand up straighter (germanherald.com)
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Dear residents of Kansas: two of the letters in UFO stand for "unidentified" and "flying" (gizmodo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ah, the old "my cousin is concerned about the size of his penis, let me see your penis" trick (malvern.patch.com)
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Lady Gaga's Twitter account hacked. People were tipped off by a lack of condescending self-righteousness in her tweets (starpulse.com)
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Our favorite Taiwanese animators take on Kim Jong-il's death. Come for Dear Leader's descent into hell, stay for Kim Jong Un's rocket penis (youtube.com)
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What the D***ens is going on here? Virgin Media gets overzealous and censors TV listings deemed offensive. And you thought Fark's filter was tough (w/photos of censored items) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Pen is retrieved from 76 year-old woman's stomach 25 years after she swallowed it. FARK: It still writes. Pen is mightier (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)
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Forty things that will make you feel old. GET OFF MY LAWN (buzzfeed.com)
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This kid has already saved more for retirement than you earned by the time you turned 14 (finance.yahoo.com)
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Burger King's new fries are better than their old ones, but "still not as good as Wendy's fries." Um...Wendy's fries suck. Now, Culver's and Five Guys, they've got great fries. And burgers (consumerist.com)
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Louisiana Walmart introduces handicap scooter bumper car competition to spice up the early-morning hours at the store (thesmokinggun.com)
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Mon December 19, 2011
| (Some Guy) |
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If you're having sex with another man under the "Welcome to Caseyville" sign, you're probably not going to get off with a warning. Not even you, Sheriff. (with creepy mugshot) (bnd.com)
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If you're the only employee working at a pet food shop and you've got five pounds of pot stashed there, don't take a nap on the job just in case a customer comes in and gets so worried he calls the cops (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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Meet Kim Jong Chul, the son of Kim Jong Il that was "too soft and feminine" to be the next Dear Leader, meaning he has a knack for writing poetry about how the world should be free of nukes and we should all live in harmony (iheartchaos.com)
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Remember those great nights in college, when you'd get drunk, break into someone's house, and steal a coat, yard flag, and frozen pizzas? (press-citizen.com)
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| (The Indy Channel) |
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Man drives up steps of War Memorial draped in an American flag and carrying a gun, says he's trying to spread message of Jesus Christ -- because, yeah, that's totally something Jesus would do (theindychannel.com)
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This week's Mugshot Roundup features a little home invasion, some driving without privileges, a few DUI's, meth possession, weed possession, burglary, battery, and one violation of the compulsory education act. Wait, what? (thesmokinggun.com)
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This man invented a better sanitary napkin and changed poor women's lives forever. Period (gizmodo.com)
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Yet another reason why people west of the Hudson think New Yorkers are nuts: $36,000 a year for kindergarten. Bonus: admissions director is named Babby (nytimes.com)
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Will the Pittsburgh Steelers do the the San Francisco 49ers the same thing that happened the last time Ben Roethlisberger and a bunch of pills were mixed? Find out on Monday Night Football, 8:30 PM ET on ESPN (espn.go.com)
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Rob Lowe's epic Lifetime Movie trailer...EPIC (warmingglow.uproxx.com)
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There's a lot you don't know about Rick Santorum. So come on, let's wipe away the misconceptions, wade through all the froth, and get right down to the bottom of this man (npr.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Warning: Massachusetts Border 500 Feet" (newburyportnews.com)
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When the revolution comes, it won't be started by protestors in city parks, it will come from people like residents of Jefferson County, AL, who, thanks to JP Morgan, now have to choose between affording electricity or running water (news.yahoo.com)
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Noted election prophet Nate Silver has some VERY INTERESTING predictions for the Iowa Caucus (elections.nytimes.com)
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| (wmal.com) |
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Newt Gingrich can't seem to get enough signatures to have his name on the Virginia ballot while Mitt Romney shows off video from his smartphone of alllllll his signatures. Bonus: filmed in Mitt Romney's kitchen (wmal.com)
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By mocking Tim Tebow and giving Mormonism a pass, it's obvious that the Soros-funded Saturday Night SNL Live wants a 2012 race between the atheist antichrist Muslim currently in the White house and the follower of an alien moon god (newsbusters.org)
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Lady Gaga voted entertainer of the year, promptly tucks the award between her legs and walks away (news.yahoo.com)
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Less than a week 'til Christmas? Shoot, it's past time for "Barbecue" from "Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas" (youtube.com)
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Twitter gets $300 million from a man with a funny hat, more money than sense (theglobeandmail.com)
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Can drugs in a bean can get your can sent to the can? You bet your beans they can (courant.com)
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| (Some Angry McTeacher) |
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Best video you'll see all day of a teacher going nuts, throwing all of her food back in the window after not getting the right order at McDonalds. With mug shot goodness (wtsp.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"It used to be that I got home from work and the only thing I'd want to put in my mouth was the cold barrel of my grandfather's shotgun. Then I discovered Sonia Allison's Chicken Tetrazzini, and now there are two things" (amazon.com)
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| (BattleSwarm) |
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Besides dying recently, both Vaclav Havel and Christopher Hitchens have something else in common: both were attacked by Noam Chomsky. Tag is for them. not him (battleswarmblog.com)
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Porn film company gives Joan Rivers' daughter Melissa offer to appear on red carpet, blue carpet (dailymail.co.uk)
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In honor of Dear Leader's passing, here are 17 bizarre details about his life. "He's ronery, so ronery" strangely absent (mirror.co.uk)
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Forget about the holidays, the pending global recession, and the death of Kim Jung Il - Britney Spears has changed her Facebook status to "engaged". It's not news, it's CNN (marquee.blogs.cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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This is why SOPA will probably get voted for by the Judiciary Committee. Enjoy (opensecrets.org)
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Just to show you how far she's fallen, here's Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton in bikinis... and Paris looks better (foxnews.com)
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| (PFT) |
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Ben Roethlisberger to take enough painkillers to kill an elephant and start against the San Francisco 49ers tonight on MNF (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)
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Santa's a Canadian. Bet you didn't know that, eh (youtube.com)
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If the Mayans were right, this could be your last Christmas. So why not spend your money on lava resistant attire, or the baddest dog on planet. Low on cash? Charge it, it won't matter anyways (cbsatlanta.com)
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New wonder drug could give humans the power to never forget anything, and they say this like it's a good thing (iheartchaos.com)
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SyFy may not show much Sci-Fi, but it makes $500 million a year thanks to Bonnie Hammer. Clearly they've monetized nerd rage (nytimes.com)
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Meet the hardcore gamers that spend upwards of 40 hours a week playing. Skyrim? Warcraft? Nope, Angry Birds (nypost.com)
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Sun December 18, 2011
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Egyptian soldiers, having run out of men to fight with, are now beating helpless women in the streets (dailymail.co.uk)
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Absolutely nobody in Canada is shocked as Quebec's bigots argue an English coach can't lead their team, forget that it was a French coach who got them into this mess to begin with (tsn.ca)
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England says you are too dumb to get married or have a baby? No problem, just go to Ireland (dailymail.co.uk)
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Trend: designer firewood. Subby gets his firewood from old-growth forest. It's independent woodland, you probably haven't heard of it (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)
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Romney attacks Obama over US troop withdrawal from Iraq, forgets which President brokered the withdrawal in the first place. Next up: Attacking Obama for TARP bailout (bbc.co.uk)
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Top British sprinter offers his body on eBay in bid to compete in 2012 Olympics, raises $50,500 (reuters.com)
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Even the cops still haven't figured out that all the 13 year-old girls in internet chat rooms are cops (nj.com)
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Will Triple H and Kevin Nash still have ow-less quads after their match? Can Zack Ryder finally get a real belt? Is Booker T comin' for you, ninja? How can there be a show without John Cena? It's WWE TLC 2011, 8 PM ET on PPV (bleacherreport.com)
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NASA has discovered the tiniest, most pathetic black hole in the universe (io9.com)
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These chocolate polyhedral dice will ensure your saving throw against virginity goes completely wrong (boingboing.net)
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| (Penn.edu) |
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Social programs fail because they're not social programs: they're bureaucracy-perpetuation programs. Subby would explain more, but you didn't fill out essential subform 26(r)[7]{d} or submit your credentials in septuplicate (upenn.edu)
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Police nab jewelry thief who targeted...8-year-old kids (mercurynews.com)
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Man who earned $360,000 running small city housing authority didn't know his cell phone location history was a public record. Let's see how he spent his time (boston.com)
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Dissident playwright and father of the "Velvet Revolution" and the modern Czech Republic Vaclav Havel dead at 75 (google.com)
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If you see this guy in the arcade, don't challenge him to a contest of rapid fire basketball shooting (youtube.com)
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I'll see your gold coin dropped into a Salvation Army kettle and raise you with a $2,000 diamond ring (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Library of Congress) |
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Your comparison is invalid because the poetry of the young Barack Obama is far better than the poetry of the young Jimmy Carter, whose work is Vogon-level at best (loc.gov)
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Now I get the hype; Tebowmania: "The emotional state of the gambler who put $100 on Denver's money line six weeks ago and turned that $100 into $24,288 during the Broncos' six-game winning streak.'' (boston.com)
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Couple returns to their car from a busy day of shoplifting to discover someone broke in and stole the fruits of their labor, promptly notify police (with mugshots) (deseretnews.com)
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Real estate tip: If you rent your $8 million townhouse to Courtney Love, make sure to get a few months security for damages (dlisted.com)
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Will Spurs bounce back after getting jobbed by the Potters? Are Chelsea finally getting their groove on? Can the transfer window open soon enough for a crocked United? All this plus a huge City v Arsenal match in this week's EPL thread (dailymail.co.uk)
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Man who died after getting arm caught in food grinder identified as anon hummus (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Vancouver Sun) |
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Santa gets in shape for a long, difficult Christmas Eve via good old-fashioned bar brawl with another Santa. Bad Santa (vancouversun.com)
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Sat December 17, 2011
| (Some Guy) |
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If you are a murderer, at least you usually get a cool and scary name, like "Hillside Strangler" or "Night Stalker". And then there is the "Toilet Lid Killer" (calgarysun.com)
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This. Suit. Burns. Better. LOOK. *thud* (oregonlive.com)
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Former Ark./USC QB Mitch Mustain's Mom to meet with the Commandant of the Marine Corps to determine if her son's "no-huddle spread offense" is a good fit for the Marines' "Locate, Close With, and Destroy" offense (usatoday.com)
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Comcast is signing up new customers now that they're pretending not to be Comcast (articles.philly.com)
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Texas female escort offers "Toys for Tots Special": a chance for male contributors to get more bang for their buck (huffingtonpost.com)
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Pope Benedict XVI is looking weaker and more tired, refusing to meet visiting bishops. Looks like he's doing his best to live up to Malachy's prophecies (chicagotribune.com)
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| (The Argus) |
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There's 'Slow news day' and then there's 'Man fails to return library book' slow news day (theargus.co.uk)
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After the success of their completely legitimate and logical bid for the World Cup Qatar now preparing for a summer Olympics bid. India said to be very supportive as many of their most athletic citizens already reside in the Gulf (sports.espn.go.com)
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The top television network last night was Univision. Well, it tied with NBC, but no one considers them a real network (deadline.com)
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Rick Perry compares himself to Tim Tebow. Let's see: overly religious, none too bright, wildly overrated, and nobody can figure out how he's still in the game? Yeah that fits (articles.latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop challenge -- make something coherent out of this childish drawing (pix.am)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Michele Bachmann goes totally meta, earns her 12th "Pants on Fire" rating by claiming "Politifact said everything I said was true" (politifact.com)
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The one upside of the SOPA debate: the full lyrics of 'The Internet is for Porn' are now in the congressional record (news.cnet.com)
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Rick Perry will trim five trillion from Obama's 3.7 trillion budget. Sad tag steps in after Obvious, Dumbass, Stupid and Fail tags die in suicide pact (cbsnews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Can the Cowboys snatch defeat from the jaws of victory again, or will the Buccaneers make it impossible to lose? It's Saturday Night Football on NFL Network, game begins at 8:20 PM ET (nfl.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Type "let it snow" into the Google (google.com)
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Russia's failed Phobos-Grunt Mars probe, which failed to reach orbit, will fall to Earth sometime in early January. Where will it land? No one knows. When will it land? No one knows. Will it kill you? YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD. DO NOT PANIC (news.yahoo.com)
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Google patents the idea of driverless cars scanning QR codes to find out where they are then using the internet to find out where Sarah Connor lives (dailymail.co.uk)
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Russian Icebreaker saw your hippie-ass bumper sticker and decides to actually do something about it (news.discovery.com)
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One year ago, it all started in Tunisia with a 26 year old setting himself on fire to protest Government harassment (edition.cnn.com)
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Members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster will be erecting their holiday display this weekend at the Loudoun County, VA Courthouse. Naturally, some people have a problem with this (washingtonpost.com)
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Etta James to her fans: Something's got a hold on me (bittenandbound.com)
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Just when you thought you've completely wiped out the memory of the the last one, Madonna to release first album in five years (cbsnews.com)
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Traitor to the sport of hockey says concussions are out of control, fighting and hits to the head must go, and that the current commissioner isn't an idiot. So, now Gary Bettman is writing articles...wait...the author is Ken Dryden? (grantland.com)
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New Year opossum drop draws rednecks, ire of PETA (newsobserver.com)
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I don't know what a Justin Bieber is, but one school played its song "Baby" repetitively during passing periods until students paid a $1000 ransom to charity, just to make it stop (suntimes.com)
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Curfew-breaking teen gets stuck in chimney. California flue season officially begins (azcentral.com)
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Journey's Neal Schon demands that a pic of him Lovin', Touchin', and Squeezin' himself be removed from the internet (tmz.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You can now get an official T-Shirt with your favorite Google Doodle -- Total Google not far behind (googleblog.blogspot.com)
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Comet Lovejoy upgraded to "advanced alien spacecraft" as NASA satellites watch it survive a trip THROUGH the sun (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Your tax dollars at work: The U.S. is forcing the Navy to buy 450,000 gallons of jet biofuel at $15 a gallon, or about four times the market price of conventional jet fuel (blog.heritage.org)
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Mike Milbury faces assault and battery charges for attacking a 12 year old during a Pee Wee hockey match. Luckily, the kid's skate was tied really tightly, so Milbury had to settle for shaking him a bit (boston.com)
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Fri December 16, 2011
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NASA pulls the plug on Space Shuttle Discovery for the last time Friday, Dec. 16, more than 28 years after the NASA's retired fleet leader first came alive. A faint, "I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave" was heard (space.com)
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Last month "OMG GLOBAL COFFEE SUPPLY ALMOST GONE." This month: Coffee prices plummet on over-supply concerns. SELL, MORTIMER, SELL (businessweek.com)
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| (WDTV) |
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Why do these 'mobile meth lab found outside hospital' stories always include the phrase: "It started as a disturbance at Wal-Mart"? (wdtv.com)
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Semi truck of Blackberry Playbooks stolen. Police thought about looking for suspects, but figure they'll all be returned once it's realized they don't work (wishtv.com)
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Christmas greetings don't get any warmer than Teddy the Talking Porcupine's (youtube.com)
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| (Gizmag) |
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Image3D lets you create your own Viewmaster reels. THE FUTURE IS *HERE* (gizmag.com)
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| (Henry's Tacos) |
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Just after celebrating 50 years as the roadside Googie home to the original gringo taco, Henry's Tacos in Studio City is about to get the heave-ho from their landlord. SAVE THE SAUCE CUPS (dailynews.com)
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5'10'' Division III white collegian who became YouTube sensation for his mind-boggling dunks signs contract with Harlem Globetrotters, hoping to attract fans who like a little vanilla in their jam. Duke sucks (sports.yahoo.com)
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"Fox News' brash, snarktabulous star of Red Eye, Greg Gutfeld... divulged his secrets on how to keep people awake, his love of British pop culture, affinity for sludge metal and predilection for the news aggregator site Fark" (mediaite.com)
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| (CBS) |
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Two people hunting for scrap metal at nursing home score a ton of building supplies (detroit.cbslocal.com)
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| (Texas Tribune) |
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Rick Perry retired back in January 2011 to boost his pension pay, thinks that people have been calling him a "retired" for months (texastribune.org)
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Actual headline du jour: "France set to smash B.O. records" (variety.com)
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Better late than never for the Fark Weird News Quiz (fark.com)
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| (Studio Briefing) |
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As if Netflix needs anyone else to give them the stinkeye, now it's coming from the Securities and Exchange Commission (studiobriefing.net)
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Want to own a piece of Fark history for the holidays? Or need some load balancers for your network? You're in luck. (Proceeds go to a college fund for the late Carl Wade (Rabiddog)'s daughter) (cgi.ebay.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hospital won't perform surgery on your wife. Do you A.) Get second opinion, B.) File lawsuit, or C.) Threaten to kill Obama and blow up the hospital (clarionledger.com)
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See? The TSA isn't ALL bad. They let this rapper keep his weed (consumerist.com)
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At K-Marts across the nation, anonymous benefactors are paying off the layaway accounts of strangers. This blue light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine (finance.yahoo.com)
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Glenn Greenwald discusses three myths about the Detention Bill (NDAA) that Obama has agreed to sign off on. And yes, it's much worse than we've been led to believe (salon.com)
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Rooney Mara beat off competition from Scarlett Johansson & Natalie Portman to get the coveted lead in "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by getting drunk and auditioning while hung over (starpulse.com)
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The cast of "The Muppet Show," "Sesame Street," and "Fraggle Rock" join together for "A Muppet Family Christmas" originally aired December 16th 1987. Enjoy (youtube.com)
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Like totally awesome: 10 women from the '80s who are still better looking NOW than Jennifer Aniston (tampabay.com)
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If you bought a 3DS before Nintendo cut the price by $80 a few months ago, don't fret. Today you can download 10 games from a 16-bit system made a decade ago (aggrogate.com)
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WI Governor Walker (R-ump teeth) recall abutt to become reality (startribune.com)
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Google Wallet found to store your financial information in plain text. Because who would ever want your financial information? (tech.slashdot.org)
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Google Chrome passes Internet Explorer in popularity. In other news, people still use Internet Explorer (chicagotribune.com)
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Goal: Finding Mr. Right. Usually settle for: Mr. Right Now. Try to avoid: Mr. At the movies left something in your car give me your keys ha ha I stole your car (msnbc.msn.com)
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Putin puts a Playboy model in the Parliament. If this doesn't get more young people involved in politics, then it at least will wear out the arms of all the other male MPs (dailymail.co.uk)
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Japan's Prime Minister declares Fukushima nuclear site "stable", marking the worst stretching of the truth by a head of state since "Mission Accomplished" (bbc.co.uk)
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City of Clearwater gets a movie theater. Residents excited to check out this Tom Cruise they've heard so much about (tampabay.com)
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It's time again for gold coins to mysteriously start showing up in Salvation Army kettles. Thank you, Pennsylvania (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Missouri poised to take back the top spot from Kentucky...in the number of meth labs (news-leader.com)
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The market will be up 10% in six months, according to an analyst who just polished off a fresh crack rock (marketwatch.com)
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BMW realizes there will always be a douche trying to compensate for something (marketwatch.com)
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The War on Christmas gets real as canned reindeer meat goes on sale (dailymail.co.uk)
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Psychologist says dangerous older drivers can be identified by how poorly they navigate through a maze with a pencil -- much like a Farmer's Market with a car (news.com.au)
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I had a horrifying dream that middle-aged people who could not distinguish between a domain name and an IP address were trying to regulate the Internet. Then I woke up and the Judiciary Committee's SOPA hearings were on (washingtonpost.com)
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Benton Harbor, Michigan is a model for the future. A future where corporations get millions in tax breaks to build their headquarters and private golf courses on public land and the mayor and city council can be fired by the governor on a whim (nytimes.com)
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| (Rockford Register Star) |
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Small-town Illinois airport excited over possibility of picking up flights to Honolulu by airline whose four 50-seat jets currently make 30-minute inter-island hops. Geography is clearly no one's forte (rrstar.com)
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Scarlett Johansson hates 'mean, flapping birds' (no topless pics for them this Christmas) (stylist.co.uk)
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JetBlue paying $1.03 billion for 86 Pratt & Whitney jet engines. Officials say customers should notice substantially less noise while waiting five hours to get off the tarmac (businessweek.com)
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If you are a multi-billion dollar international corporation, Google now offers you a service to censor your competitors (gizmodo.com)
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| (WQAD) |
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College student pulls a knife on his classmate and threatens to kill her over something she posted on Facebook which, as we all know, is serious business (wqad.com)
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'Tebowing' a safety hazard, students suspended (newsday.com)
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Nanotechnology could spell the end of laundry. Normally I hate these fluff pieces, but this is pretty cool (forbes.com)
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Author of Kindle Fire: The Missing Manual gets rid of his because it's a piece of crap (bits.blogs.nytimes.com)
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And the sign said "The next salesman, Jehovah's Witness, will be greeted with a loaded shotgun. Ring my door bell or knock on my door at your own risk. If I blast you, you have nobody to blame but yourself" Hilarity ensued (tampabay.com)
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Today's "college student uses own phone to email bomb threat to get out of exam" story brought to you by New Orleans (wwl.com)
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First trailer/look at G.I. Joe sequel is pretty PORKCHOP SANDWICHES (youtube.com)
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Joe Simon, co-creator of Captain America, canceled at 98. That's just like modern comics... they wouldn't even let him get to the big milestone #100 (nydailynews.com)
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More proof America lacks a work ethic. Working three weeks at a Starbucks was the hardest job one precious snowflake has ever had (finance.yahoo.com)
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Thu December 15, 2011
| (Poughkeepsie Journal) |
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Teacher A misses a staff meeting and is questioned on her absence by Teacher B, whereupon Teacher A pulls out a screwdriver and gets all stabby. If the screwdriver is 16cm long, what is the probability of the stabbing happening in Poughkeepsie? (poughkeepsiejournal.com)
|
| (Some Trekkie) |
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Star Trek's Garrett Wang celebrates his birthday by filming an infomercial... for "ShatWow" (web.dragoncontv.com)
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Newt Gingrich gets outed by Gary Johnson, no Craigslist male prostitutes were involved surprisingly. Cool tag for Gary Johnson (mediaite.com)
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Detroit police on the lookout for a thief who stole Bob Seger's iconic guitar. They believe it was someone who LIKED TO ROCK (wxyz.com)
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Breaking: DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano just cut Sheriff Joe Arpaio's access to ICE programs. Hmmm... Napolitano... What is that, Italian? Mexican? May I see your papers, please? (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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The Wall Street Journal will stop using "GOP" to refer to the Republican party because people who read the WSJ don't know what it means (cbsnews.com)
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Victoria's Secret under fire for use of child labor in cotton fields, spandex orchards and sequin mines (cnn.com)
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Q: Did the cable guy get a big surprise on a house call? A: Does a bear sleep in the basement? (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Beer Snob) |
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In this woman's defense, throwing beer away IS a punishable offense. . "The affidavit didn't state whether the beer was domestic or import" (tcoasttalk.com)
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Ellen DeGeneres is going to launch a brand of vegan pet food. Trust me, your dog really just wants steak (mnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Stokes stretcher (shorpy.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Let's Bring 'Em Home is underway again for 2011 and asking the Fark community for any help contributing to help buy plane tickets to fly soldiers home for Christmas. Farkers have stepped up every year since 2005 to help (lbeh.org)
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Ahh yes, The Intergalactic Lactation Federation. Set your phasers to "AWESOME" (mlive.com)
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Greetings, Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan armada (gizmodo.com)
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Well all right, but apart from inventing a white Christmas, sympathetic view of poverty, red tape, modern character comedy dialogue, modern film conventions and meaningful character names, what has Charles Dickens ever done for us? (bbc.co.uk)
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New study conducted by Andre the Giant and Paul Reiser shows Americans are using the internet more, but trusting information on it less (abc2news.com)
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Finally, a break from an incredibly slow sports news week. With finals rendering college basketball bleak, and only NBA trade rumors to follow, here is your Week 15 Thursday Night game: Jacksonville @ Atlanta. Kickoff at 8:20 EST on NFL Network (nfl.com)
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Apparently Vern Troyer has something to do with the creation of Supernovas (csmonitor.com)
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The real dirty little secret is that the economy is actually doing okay (thedailybeast.com)
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Police ask that you please stop Tweeting the exact location of their drunk driving checkstops (specifically, 34th Avenue and 50th Street) (cbc.ca)
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Eventually, the free market will step in and say "Hey, we don't like dying from tainted liquor" and "Hey, we don't like hospitals that burn up because there are insufficient inspections". Don't fret, marketeers (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Putin about John McCain: "He was captured in Vietnam and kept in a hole for several years. Any person would have bats in the belfry after that" (english.pravda.ru)
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Do you have a dream car that you can actually afford? If so, why haven't you bought it yet? What is it? (fark.com)
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Residents want stolen baby Jesus returned, say, "You want to take him for a little joy ride, that's fine. Just make sure he's back for Christmas" (myfoxdc.com)
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No, Obama did not j/k on his promise to veto the defense bill if it included language to incarcerate without due process. Language of the bill was changed to exempt US citizens before being signed (npr.org)
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The second-biggest man made structure in history will hunt for neutrinos beneath the Mediterranean. That's just a mad scientist's secret lair waiting to happen (popsci.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Attention all units. Be on the lookout for a large truck stolen from 122nd Street. It's 75 feet long, 12 feet wide, 14 feet tall and has a PC300 Track Excavator on the back. So far no one has seen it" (floridakeyssheriff.blogspot.com)
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Democrats didn't improve anything and nothing has been made better. According to President Obama's own standard, and contrary to what he said on "60 Minutes," he does not deserve a second term (townhall.com)
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Drew Peterson demanding apology from Illinois State Police, insisting that he didn't kill his fourth wife, she's just 'disappeared without a trace'. Oh sure (news.yahoo.com)
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Tea Party groups have evolved into increasingly sophisticated and effective network of activists. With helpful pic of what sophisticated, effective activist might look like (reuters.com)
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78 years ago today, Prohibition ends ... putting the kibosh on mass protests that featured the only placards subby could ever really get behind (life.com)
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Obama jk's his promise to veto the bill that gives him the power to disappear Americans who displease him. Tag is for the United States Constitution, 1787 - 2011 (guardian.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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'Pocket dialed' 911 call leads to easy arrest of two thieves (host.madison.com)
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Chinese haxxors are stealing petabytes worth of proprietary data from foreign countries and corporations. In other news, the US just passed legislation to put you in jail for stealing photoshop (mobile.bloomberg.com)
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USPS to delay closure of 3700 post offices until May. Officials say it should give today's mail a good chance of getting there (cbsnews.com)
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If you suspect a neighborhood kid of stealing from your vehicle, a sure-fire way of getting the cops' interest is to chase the kid into his own home, kick down the front door, and then wave around a stolen shotgun at everyone (wwl.com)
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The government can't require you to get an ID. But has no problem requiring you to buy Obamacare (jsonline.com)
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New iPhone app lets you brag about all the ways you just did your hot girlfriend. In Canada (theregister.co.uk)
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| (Some Zabaglione) |
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Zamboni sickens score of schoolchildren. They should have had the spaghetti (baynews9.com)
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The 55 year old woman visiting accused killer Joran Van der Sloot insists her interest in him isn't sexual despite the fact she's written songs for him titled "Haven't Kissed You Yet" and "Come Ride With Me" (dailymail.co.uk)
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Men are oppressing women by allowing women to earn more with better jobs while staying home playing video games, drinking beer, watching porn and boffing their mother-in-laws (nytimes.com)
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Gary Busey retracts his Newt Gingrich endorsement. It's not too late, Michele (popwatch.ew.com)
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Loud music makes alcohol taste sweeter (avclub.com)
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Not news: Girl writes letter to Santa. Fark: Spoiled rotten snowbrat writes a letter to Santa telling him that she'll hunt down & cook his reindeer if she doesn't get at least two of the lavish gifts she's demanding (dailymail.co.uk)
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Old and Busted: Christmas markets. New Hotness: Erotic Christmas markets (thelocal.de)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 345: "Mandatory Procrastination". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)
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Wed December 14, 2011
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Bisexual Amber Heard urges other Hollywood stars to come out of the closet. With a helpful picture of how this might be achieved (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Your high school chemistry students won't keep their safety goggles on. Do you: C) spray them in the face with Lysol? (triblocal.com)
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| (Tech News Gadget) |
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TechNewsGadget has some fun with FARK's Drew Curtis and the fake photo ID app. In other news, Drew weighs 210 (technewsgadget.net)
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That Nick Nolte mugshot that's been floating around for years on the internet -- not an actual mugshot (uproxx.com)
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Goodnight, rocket man (washingtonpost.com)
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Wanted: Someone to go see this movie with me. This is not a joke. Must bring your own popcorn. Safety not Guaranteed. I have only watched this once before (imdb.com)
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"Jason Bourne's got his memory back three times in a row now... It's not amnesia, you have a learning disability," said the star regarding his return to the franchise, adding, "MAAAAATT DAAAAAMON" (nydailynews.com)
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Guess it's pretty clear who Fox News *doesn't* want to win the Republican nomination (politicalwire.com)
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If you like drinking Mountain Dew, Squirt, Fanta Orange, Sunkist Pineapple, Gatorade Thirst Quencher, Powerade Strawberry Lemonade or Fresca congratulations: You're drinking flame retardant (blog.seattlepi.com)
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Man scours Google Street View for the most isolated, desolate, forlorn street scenes from around the world. Many strangely disquieting yet thrilling, like when I drive over to your mom's house (shortlist.com)
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President Obama's senior advisors recommend he not veto NDAA bill that would make you safe, citizen. Continue on (huffingtonpost.com)
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Gawker finally gets a response to the Freedom of Information Act request they put in four years ago for documents on Blackwater. Here are the lowlights. Anyway, has anyone figured out what those Occupiers are upset about? (gawker.com)
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The 20 unhappiest people you meet in the comments sections of year end lists, now taking your questions to the right (npr.org)
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The cutest video of an Owl petting a Dog you will see all day (video.ca.msn.com)
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Drew Curtis is one of the 25 most viral people on the internet. There's a pill for that, right? (gizmodo.com)
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Newt Gingrich cares so much about balancing the budget that his tax plan would triple the national debt by 2024 (thinkprogress.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Khloe Kardashian gets love from Lamar Odom's new Dallas coach. Pray to God there is no sex tape (wtkr.com)
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Muppets of the SEC (andthevalleyshook.com)
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A London man takes his loyal pet everywhere he goes, like to the burger bar or the pub. FARK: His loyal pet is a reindeer (upi.com)
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I, for one, love this new plan to protect the value of the American dollar by letting the rest of the world starting with the Euro, fall to our level (businessweek.com)
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Tina Fey has a secret in "30 Rock" season 6 preview, and it looks like it's boobies (nbc.com)
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Tiger Mother? So over. Meet Wolf Dad, author of "Beat Them into Peking University" (npr.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Airports now building kids' play areas for them to use instead of the jet aisles on your red eye flight (todaytravel.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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"Teen Mom" Leah takes daughter for MRI to detect reasons for developmental delays. Apparently "being daughter of Teen Mom star Leah" is too obvious (dailymail.co.uk)
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Pearl Harbor veterans do what WWII vets do when some mamby pamby actors on some mamby pamby Hawaian Five Oh show decides to mamby pamby film during their solemn Pearl Harbor rememberance ceremony. Bunch of jack wagon actors (mediaite.com)
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Google joins fight against slavery with $11.5 million grant, covered wagon full of muskets (cnn.com)
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When congratulating the female news anchor about an Indiana victory, there's a world of difference between her Hoosiers and her Hooters (break.com)
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'SNL' star Abby Elliott strips down and gushes about girl crus...Hey, get back here (nydailynews.com)
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| (The Mary Sue) |
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And now, for no apparent reason, beetles in Jurassic Park clothing (themarysue.com)
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It apparently needs to be said: Do not give $10,000 in cash to the 'stock broker'
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