Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		White House social secretary Desiree Rogers was asked to resign because: c.) some of Obama's major fundraisers didn't receive Christmas cards  (politico.com)	(58)

Studio responsible for the technology behind Jim Carrey's "A Christmas Carol" is being shut down by Disney. Probably because they had a hand in making a Jim Carrey movie  (latimes.com)

(20)

John Cho says "A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas," could shoot in June, even though Kumar, or Kutner or whatever the hell his name is, is in now the Obama Administration. NPH is going to be in though, that's all that matters anyway  (slashfilm.com)

(36)

Rock Band 3 "will innovate and revolutionize the music genre," just in time for Christmas  (kotaku.com)

(88)

Matt Damon was targeted by an imposter around Christmas. Either that, or they were shooting another Bourne movie and didn't tell him  (contactmusic.com)

(25)

(Some Guy)

When we said half the troops would be "home" from Afghanistan for Christmas we really meant "Kuwait"  (dailyexpress.co.uk)

(20)

(Some Douchebags)

Rage Against the Machine will play a free concert for fans who created a Facebook campaign to ruin everyone's Christmas. Hopefully, it rains that day  (nme.com)

(57)

Tila Tequila may have abandoned Twitter, but Lily Allen is back  (contactmusic.com)

(29)

The Christmas Day bomber is about to cost taxpayers $734 million  (blogs.abcnews.com)

(358)

Charlie Sheen's wife checks into rehab to curb her destructive behaviors like abusing alcohol and marrying Charlie Sheen  (tmz.com)

(17)

On average, consumers spent $811 on Christmas gifts, more than the $699 they said they would spend, according to Department of Randomly Manufactured Statistics  (chicagotribune.com)

(12)

Bin Laden claims responsibility for the Christmas Day Underwear Bombing. If he wasn't scary before, he is now  (latimes.com)

(212)

(Collider)

Coen Brothers' version of "True Grit" set to arrive on Christmas Day, which gives everyone plenty of time to figure out how this remake rapes their childhood  (collider.com)

(110)

Texas Board of Education moves to restore Christmas, study country music instead of hip hop, eliminate "global citizenship," and promote the Heritage Foundation, the Moral Majority and the National Rifle Association  (mysanantonio.com)

(194)

(Some Guy)

It's a slow news day so here's an article telling you it's time to take down your holiday decorations  (carrollcounty.com)

(37)

(Some Guy)

Full-frontal Gary Coleman nudity and Scottie Pippen getting beaten up by a clan of little people, all in one movie? Pffft, and you thought Christmas was over  (coedmagazine.com)

(27)

Woman can only donate one kidney, but both her brother and sister need one. Keep this story in mind next Christmas when you're deciding how much you should spend on your siblings  (buffalonews.com)

(95)

Christmas break over. FDIC seized Horizon Bank of Washington today. Georgia better step it up if it wants to retain the title  (reuters.com)

(26)

		Obama counterterrorism chief who remained on ski slopes after learning of Christmas Day Underwear Bomber may find it's all downhill from here  (foxnews.com)	(163)
		The proper way to warp your cat for Christmas  (youtube.com)	(33)
(Zadan)		Launching a Christmas tree with 32 large model rocket engines  (zadan.nl)	(30)

(Some Guy)		While Republicans were distracted protecting Christmas, Al Franken's "Rape is Bad" bill got passed  (secondpagemedia.com)	(197)
		Portly woman in terrible sweater steals a little kid's Christmas toy, on Christmas  (youtube.com)	(91)

Put turkey in the oven. Check. Drive to hospital. Check. Give birth. Check. Drive back home one hour after giving birth. Check. Serve Christmas Dinner. Check. Top that, Martha Stewart  (foxnews.com)

(76)

		While you were diverted with the holidays, the US Justice Dept gave Blackwater a Christmas present  (breitbart.com)	(187)
		All dad wanted for Christmas was a Chub. "I learned from my grandpa to eat them like an ear of corn," Winter said. "You peel the skin back and just start eating."  (jsonline.com)	(104)
(Some Guy)		Safeway grocery store leaves their doors unlocked on Christmas by accident. Police find people shopping and leaving cash on the counter. No shoplifting or looting occured  (weaselzippers.net)	(155)

(Wait...What?)		Police confirmed that Sanders walked into their station the night before Christmas claiming his Peco Street home was missing, but said Sanders frequently buys homes in the county and shouldn't have been surprised  (thepittsburghchannel.com)	(36)
(Redding.com)		How the Grinch stole after Christmas the court decision regarding the giant fake penis he wore to a meeting on pot club proliferation  (redding.com)	(76)
(popeater)		Sheen, Mueller could lose twin boys over Christmas knife fight. Madonna and Angelina squaring for dibs  (popeater.com)	(20)

		If there's two things the Republicans love to start screaming over, it's Christmas and terrorism. Problem is, they're furious over Christmas and celebrating terrorism  (freep.com)	(195)
		Charlie Sheen's career won't be affected by scandal because everyone already knows he's a douchebag. It's not news, it's CNN  (edition.cnn.com)	(138)

		You might be a fugitive if you spent your Christmas taunting police by posting topless pictures of yourself on Facebook adorned in tinsel, making a rude gesture and holding a turkey  (dailymail.co.uk)	(58)
		CNN accused of "checkbook journalism" after paying the Dutch passenger who subdued the Dumbass Christmas Plane Would-Be Bomber. Apparently, that sort of thing is frowned upon  (contactmusic.com)	(90)
(Some Guy)		As far as sequels go, "Flattened Otter's Tire Tread Christmas" is less than heartwarming  (search.mtdemocrat.com)	(67)
(Some Guy)		Hey Dad, remember the Christmas when we went down to Taco Bell, got into a fight in the parking lot, and got arrested? Good times  (skunkpost.com)	(29)
		Precious snowflakes shoplifting a bra and jacket to give to Mommy for Christmas  (liveleak.com)	(29)
		Note to parents: If your kid illegally crosses into North Korea with a Christmas Card for Kim Jong Il, don't be surprised when he doesn't phone home for a few days  (signonsandiego.com)	(86)

		Flight 253 from Amsterdam to Detroit is disrupted by Nigerian passenger. This is not a repeat from Christmas Day  (foxnews.com)	(773)
		Police forced to drop 'Christmas' from poster advertising their increased public presence over holidays in case it upsets atheists or other militants who can't bear to hear that people believe in religions other than theirs  (dailymail.co.uk)	(232)
		"Heartbroken" and "very upset" consumer demands refund because her fiance's Christmas surprise was ruined by Wal-Mart's less-than-fully-opaque gift wrapping. OH, THE HUMANITY  (consumerist.com)	(95)
		Guy Richie's Sherlock Holmes bastardization set a new record for biggest movie opening on Christmas. Goddammit, read a book, America  (hollywoodinsider.ew.com)	(193)

		Ron Artest injured after tripping on a box and falling down a flight of stairs on Christmas. Kevin McCallister wanted for questioning  (nytimes.com)	(23)
(Citizen-Times.com)		Not News: Cat goes missing. News: Cat is found. Fark: 12 years later. Welcome to the Christmas miracle edition of Caturday  (citizen-times.com)	(935)

(Some Hulu)		Just for those who spend Christmas thinking the old days were always better: Buck Rogers versus the Space Vampire  (hulu.com)	(29)
		The Obamas did not attench church on Christmas Eve. It's not news, it's Time magazine  (time.com)	(223)
		Merry Christmas, to the declining 78% of Americans who declare themselves Christian according to latest Gallup polls  (gallup.com)	(259)
		"Imagine the outrage if any Republican President went on vacation during a recession and spent $4,000 a night on accommodations." Hey, at least Dubya's 77 visits to Crawford were rent-free, right?  (newsbusters.org)	(167)
		Inventor spends Christmas with the perfect woman - his custom-made fembot: "Aiko is always helpful and never complains. She is the perfect woman to have around at Christmas" (w/ pics that will creep you the hell out)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(253)
		George Lucas can rest easy; Jim Carrey's "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" has been named the worst Christmas movie of all time. OF ALL TIME  (contactmusic.com)	(97)
		Christmas is the Time to Say I Love You. Well, according to Billy Squier  (youtube.com)	(12)
		Some awesome for Christmas: live Lordi - Hard Rock Hallelujah  (youtube.com)	(26)
		The Pogues & Kirsty McColl - Fairytale Of New York; Merry Christmas Farkers  (youtube.com)	(28)
		♫ Merry Christmas ♫ Brian Setzer Orchestra - Jingle Bells  (youtube.com)	(12)
		Bunny takes down her Christmas tree and decoration because of the Senate health Care bill. Because of Hitler or Christmas is supposed to be God's holiday. Or something  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(307)
		Merry Christmas, Fark  (ibabuzz.com)	(380)
(Some Guy)		Elderly couple meets in retirement home, falls in love, and marries on Christmas Eve. Cue Frank Capra  (ksdk.com)	(23)
		Run DMC: "Christmas in Hollis"  (mtvmusic.com)	(19)
		Los Angeles officials seize thousands of pairs of counterfeit sneakers, decide to hand them out to city's homeless on Christmas Day rather than destroying them  (upi.com)	(75)
		For those of you looking for a Christmas present, enjoy this December 1966 clip of Santa Claus meeting Batman and Robin as they scale a building. It just doesn't get any more Ho Ho Ho than that  (youtube.com)	(21)
		Al Bundy's "Night Before Christmas"  (youtube.com)	(27)

		I-Mockery releases Santa Fu - a Christmas parody of the NES classic "Kung Fu"  (i-mockery.com)	(11)
		Finally: Jimmy Fallon, The Roots, and The Muppets performing "The Twelve Days of Christmas"  (examiner.com)	(64)
		Bad: you lose your job. Worse: without notice. Worst: because the company went out of business. Fark: the week before Christmas. You've Got To Be Kidding: you're a truck driver, and they don't even get you a bus ticket home  (csmonitor.com)	(97)
(Some Jewish Santa)		"I wanna be Santa. My qualifications? I'm Jewish, a teacher, Fulbright scholar, Guggenheim fellow and author of 14 books. I have a beard. For 53 years I have wanted to participate as other than an envious Christmas outsider"  (metrosantacruz.com)	(96)
(Some Guy)		Citizens Bank is giving all of its customers 1 AM wakeup calls for Christmas, subby got his last night  (blastmagazine.com)	(54)
		London restaurant makes diners sign waiver before eating their Christmas pudding, raising the question how English eateries have survived without doing this as a general practice  (google.com)	(78)
(Sky News / Record Online)		Pope decides to hold Christmas midnight mass at 10pm, leaving him more time for blackjack and hookers  (recordonline.com)	(69)
		Tomorrow, the Uppies and Doonies of Kirkwall will play the Christmas Ba. It's a cross between rugby and a riot, though no longer played with a human head  (youtube.com)	(27)
		Boom Humbug  (fdlreporter.com)	(24)
		Town in the red after squirrels eat Christmas lights. With pic of a satiated squirrel  (news.com.au)	(55)
		One uppity atheist in San Francisco gets all stars and angels removed from all county department Christmas trees  (nytimes.com)	(273)
		Dane Cook's Christmas tree was infested by poisonous spiders. Better luck next time, God  (contactmusic.com)	(51)
		Someone leaves their bags of Christmas gifts on the subway you're riding on. Do you: A) Open the gifts and keep them B) Open the gifts and burn them C) Be a Christmas angel and track down the person who lost them  (wcbstv.com)	(77)
		Barnes & Noble is still guaranteeing that you'll get The Nook by Christmas, unless you're in Alaska. But, really, it's not like anyone in Alaska can read  (consumerist.com)	(22)

		"Secret Santa" pays $1000 to local utility office to stop utilities shutoff for as many residents as possible because, you know, Christmas is all about consumerism & stuff  (azcentral.com)	(61)
(CQ Politics)		In the hours before Parker Griffith flipped to the Republicans, he got them a Christmas present: Democratic voter ID  (blogs.cqpolitics.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)		Few things liven up a Christmas lingerie show like gunfire  (kfsm.com)	(51)
		Photoshop theme: All I Want For Christmas  (images.google.com)	(50)
		A health care inspired 'Twas The Night Before Christmas'  (youtube.com)	(25)
		On the ninth day of Christmas, a stranger gave to me, a hatchet through the window of my car  (myfoxdc.com)	(33)
		Family that lives 18 miles from ocean finds baby seal in their yard, decides to consider it a Christmas present and name it Rudolph. "It looked like a huge slimy cat" (pics)  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(57)

(Some Grinch)		The best and worst Christmas specials. You forgot about the California Raisins, didn't you?  (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(70)
		Besides delaying your flights, the FAA is throwing $5 million Christmas parties  (abcnews.go.com)	(59)
		Poll conducted on what Americans want for Christmas is pretty ordinary: pair of boots, warm coat, submachine gun, supersonic jet. You know, the usual  (abcnews.go.com)	(230)
		This Christmas, you should watch out for the blood-sucking creatures which mysteriously show up in your house. Also, there might be ticks on your tree  (thelocal.de)	(39)
		Unexpected uses for a Tesla Coil number 273: The Christmas Tree  (techeblog.com)	(17)
		Viral campaign makes Rage Against the Machine's "Killing in the Name of" the #1 single in Britain for Christmas, beating out Simon Cowell backed singer. Bad grandad of rock Billy Mack approves  (artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com)	(95)
		Like those weirdos who prefer scratched vinyl records to CDs and gas-guzzling Hummers to hybrids, some people prefer the old-style trip-the-fuse-every-10-minutes Christmas lights  (3news.co.nz)	(89)

(Some Rudie)		Starting tomorrow, you can bid on a one-of-a-kind Christmas card hand-drawn by the late Joe Strummer  (nme.com)	(25)
		Now THIS would make Christmas Eve mass more interesting  (atom.com)	(21)
		Headline: "1 Dead, 5 Hurt in Christmas Boat Parade Crash". Story: "Neither boat was participating in the parade"  (foxnews.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)		Ozzy joins the War on Christmas  (monstersandcritics.com)	(31)
		You still have a better chance of playing pick-up sticks with your butt cheeks than making your flight back east in time for Christmas, but at least now you won't have to spend 12 hours sitting in a stranded airplane doing it  (abcnews.go.com)	(114)
		The Story of the Christmas Krampus: Farker's tribute to Santa's demonic enforcer, muppets  (youtube.com)	(22)
		Thief steals daycare's toys, Christmas tree and turkey. Suspect is 6' 2", with short green hair, possibly accompanied by a small dog with antlers  (wftv.com)	(118)
		Good news, everyone. We're getting Socialism for Christmas  (abcnews.go.com)	(1320)

(Some Kalamazooian)		Catholic school forces children to write Christmas letters to Jesus, not Santa, ensuring they learn what Christmas is all about  (mlive.com)	(316)
		Scientists testing Phillipine volcano for Christmas eruption are giving Mayon A's  (cnn.com)	(13)
		Scientific party tricks - they probably won't get you laid, but they'll kill some time at your lame office Christmas party  (youtube.com)	(72)

		Wow. What a spectacular Christmas display. The lights are beautiful and the --- WHAT THE HELL?  (youtube.com)	(154)
(Some Guy)		Civic Christmas display takes people back 350 years when Christmas was illegal, featuring burned Christmas trees, impaled robins and severed heads choking on mince pies. Submitter wishes he lived in those times, but now he's off to the mall  (yorkpress.co.uk)	(123)
(Some Guy)		Garrison Keillor thinks it's bad enough when Unitarians mess with the lyrics to "Silent Night" but he what really sets him off is when Jews write Christmas songs  (tabletmag.com)	(129)

(KSDK News Channel 5)		ACLU cancels Christmas, kids devastated  (ksdk.com)	(433)
		Naked grinch launches furious attack on Carvel ice cream shop's Christmas decorations  (sun-sentinel.com)	(32)
		George Michael expected his new Christmas single to sell a few copies. He didn't expect it to sell out immediately  (contactmusic.com)	(37)
(Topless Robot)		If all that was missing for the holidays was a "Klingon Christmas Carol," well, there you go  (toplessrobot.com)	(10)
(ADN)		New Christmas freakyness; Rubbing Orajel on frog's heads  (adn.com)	(31)
		Photoshop theme: Rejected Christmas cards  (images.google.com)	(60)
		Australian hottie swimmer Stephanie Rice wants a new boyfriend for Christmas. Any Farkers wanna help her out? (with pic)  (themercury.com.au)	(318)

		Nova Scotia premier sends a Christmas card with a photo of him and his spouse. Some people have a problem with this for some reason  (cbc.ca)	(108)
		Fifteen alternatives to the traditional Christmas specials. Yes, we love Rudolph, Frosty, and Charlie Brown, but you cannot deny the awesomeness of Pinky & The Brain  (ew.com)	(86)
		Here's an early Christmas surprise: The Specials are planning a reunion of their original lineup  (contactmusic.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)		Wiring Christmas lights in your car and hanging cotton balls from the ceiling apparently is not just news, but makes your vehicle a "Snow Globe" (w/pic of 12VDC to AC inverter)  (newsnet5.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)		America's Sheriff says "People everywhere deserve a little Christmas cheer. Especially those incarcerated during the holiday season." Not surprisingly some inmates have a problem with this  (wbaltv.com)	(156)
		Christmas comes early from Citigroup: no home foreclosures for 30 magical days  (usatoday.com)	(70)
		The Pogues' "Fairytale of New York" is perennial Christmas favorite because it puts our problems in perspective  (telegraph.co.uk)	(48)

		Your Christmas tree should be a reflection of your family. Subby wonders what garland goes with soul-crushing criticism and recrimination  (jacksonville.com)	(92)
		Nothing says Christmas like a deranged snowman setting fire to foreclosed homes (w/ pics)  (wtam.com)	(59)
		"A curse on these smug types who buy you a goat in Africa for Christmas"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(191)

(Some Guy)		Farker releases 2009 version of the controllable Christmas lights. Sadly, the web design is still stuck in 1991  (komar.org)	(132)
(Some Guy)		Sarah Jessica Parker naked Christmas tree tradition may spark other and you've stopped reading this because you're trying to clean up the puke on your keyboard  (usmagazine.com)	(69)
		What was always missing from A Charlie Brown Christmas? Banjo  (youtube.com)	(27)
		Italian prosecutor sets up a nativity scene with a historically accurate dark-skinned Holy Family to troll an anti-immigrant group that's been staging a "White Christmas" campaign to harass foreigners  (news.yahoo.com)	(276)
(Some Guy)		Just in time for Christmas, veterinarian becomes the first in the world to perform a laproscopic "keyhole" surgery on a reindeer  (thecourier.co.uk)	(16)

		Supermarket unveils line of Christmas cards making fun of redheads. Naturally the gingers have a problem with it  (mirror.co.uk)	(272)
		This weeks deer with christmas lights tangled in antlers brought to you by Colorado Springs, CO  (youtube.com)	(8)
		Disney special effects guru rigs up Christmas light display to turn his home into a 21,000-bulb Guitar Hero game that passers-by can actually play (pic, video)  (mirror.co.uk)	(30)
(Some Guy)		To absolutely no one's surprise Pete Wentz is, well, a wentz about putting up the Wentz-Simpson family Christmas tree. Wentz  (perezhilton.com)	(32)
		A Christmas Story...where are they now? I triple dog dare you to star in porn  (nydailynews.com)	(77)
(Oddee.com)		Some of the coolest Christmas ads from yesteryear that you'll see all day. Who knew Santa was such a nicotine addict and dirty old man?  (oddee.com)	(184)
		Like Christmas decorations, the annual "we're running out of salt to de-ice roads" hysteria seems to come to the UK earlier every year  (guardian.co.uk)	(35)
		Merry Christmas arrested; doesn't have presents of mind to beat the wrap  (palmbeachpost.com)	(45)
		Yes Virginia, Father Christmas is buried in Ireland  (telegraph.co.uk)	(36)
		Conductor tells a group of families that he is not their Polar Express train and the right train would come in ten minutes. The train never showed, so naturally "He ruined Christmas"  (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(133)
		This Christmas, you can give the gift that keeps on perplexing: a piece of the sixth dimension  (cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com)	(41)

		Finally, a Christmas rap song about LEGO pirates attacking Santa Claus  (youtube.com)	(5)
(Some Guy)		Headline: "What your Christmas tree says about you." Oddly enough, "not Jewish" was not found in the article  (gjsentinel.com)	(123)

		Woman orders two Zhu Zhu Pets in September, watches and waits as her order is placed on backorder, and eventually canceled, two weeks before Christmas. Naturally, she accuses Target of "ruining Christmas"  (consumerist.com)	(266)
		Actual Headline: Christmas tree farmer expects pre-holiday rush. Quick, to the Romerocopter  (cbc.ca)	(39)
(Some Guy)		Someone, somewhere, has a $10,400 Christmas tree in their living room and the Washington Botanical Gardens would like it back  (mynorthwest.com)	(42)
(WLBZ2.com)		The Hillsborough County Sheriffs Department had little trouble finding some stolen Christmas wreaths. They were being sold by the bailiff in the lobby of the Superior Court  (wlbz2.com)	(13)
		Photoshop theme: the last thing you want to see Christmas morning  (images.google.com)	(36)

		Town that is $8 million in debt: "You guys want a Christmas tree? Fine, there's one in the park that needs cutting down anyway"  (msnbc.msn.com)	(74)
(Some Guy)		The annual "Here, look at this crazy, old woman who threw up Christmas all over her house" video  (nbcdfw.com)	(96)
(NYmag)		David Cross, F---ed Up, Andrew W.K., Yo La Tengo, GZA and Bob Mould cover "Do They Know It's Christmas" without changing any of the words: "God no. The lyrics are tasteless enough as it is" (with audio)  (nymag.com)	(33)
(Good Grief)		The ode to anti-commercialism, "A Charlie Brown Christmas," is hacked to bits to fit in more commercials  (armchaircommentary.com)	(116)
		A standard acapella Christmas song takes a turn for the bizare and awesome  (youtube.com)	(44)
		Shelbyville woman arrested for riding horse in Christmas parade while drunk. Duff cans have not been located  (wtopnews.com)	(45)
(Some Guy)		Oh, look, it's time for "These Christmas decorations look beautiful BUT THEY COULD KILL YOU" article  (starnewsonline.com)	(21)

(Some Guy)		Ric Romero calls out Farkers, dares them to help him with a Christmas toy drive  (facebook.com)	(433)
		♫ I'll be home for Christmas. I've nowhere else to go ♫  (abcnews.go.com)	(20)
(Redding Record Searchlight)		California teabagger attempts to spread Christmas cheer by proposing a law that would force public schools to sing carols  (redding.com)	(488)

		FEMA says your family wants practical gifts this Christmas. Stuff like a fire extinguisher, duct tape, plastic sheeting, canned goods, fleshlights, radio, bottled water  (news.yahoo.com)	(127)
		Even more evidence that Obama is trying to destroy our county -- his family's holiday card makes no mention of "Christmas"  (chicagotribune.com)	(184)
		"I'm sorry I said Obama purposefully preempted A Charlie Brown Christmas. But I still think he's a Muslim"  (msnbc.msn.com)	(122)

(Some Guy)		A roundup of Christmas gifts for your favorite drunk, if he can tear himself away from running Fark over the holidays  (gizmodo.com.au)	(23)
(Houston Press)		Lawyer sues soup kitchen for serving homeless people too close to his office. Have yourself a NIMBY little Christmas  (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(411)
		Office Christmas parties are much more fun if you have access to an ambulance and two canisters of Nitrous Oxide  (thelocal.se)	(32)
(Volunteer TV)		Annual reading of Christmas story cancelled from tree lighting ceremony, because one person called Mayor's office asking "Is it legal?"  (volunteertv.com)	(389)

		Struggling to decide on a Christmas present for your wife this year? Have you considered paying someone to shove a large refrigerated metal device into her genitals?  (gawker.com)	(125)
		US Senate willing work on Christmas day if necessary in order to pass health care reform and give Americans the most expensive lump of coal ever  (thehill.com)	(321)
		The top ten movies to be excited for this holiday season. If this is all we have to be excited about, the theaters are going to be quite empty this Christmas  (ew.com)	(130)
		The War on Christmas™? At my climate change conference? It's more likely than you think  (politico.com)	(176)
(Some Guy)		Today's Instashop Challenge: "Can you photoshop my six-month old on his sled onto some extreme mountains for our Christmas Card?"  (i.imgur.com)	(76)

		Eight of the scariest Christmas movies of all time. Santa doesn't want milk and cookies--he wants your SOUL  (pastemagazine.com)	(77)
(Some Guy)		Prison plans to cut costs in December by sending all prisoners home for Christmas, makes them promise they'll come back when jail reopens  (heraldscotland.com)	(50)
		Merry Christmas. Go fast  (thenewspaper.com)	(50)
		Parents spend less time worrying about the meaning of the nativity story and more time making sure their kids look better than the other kids in the Christmas play  (reuters.com)	(35)
(Foster's Daily Democrat)		Thief forgets that most people who make their escape by bicycle 1) aren't drunk, and 2) aren't carrying a stolen christmas tree  (fosters.com)	(14)
		The coolest video of dogs decorating a Christmas tree you'll see today  (youtube.com)	(17)

		Tens of millions attend Glenn Beck's "Christmas Sweater" simulcast in New York, Boston, and DC, making it the highest grossing theatrical release since The Dark Knight  (thinkprogress.org)	(94)
(Some Guy)		And here's your WTF story of the week: Minneapolis theater extends its run of "A Klingon Christmas Carol"  (cbtheatre.org)	(38)
(BuzzFeed)		Another senseless fatality in the never-ending War on Christmas  (buzzfeed.com)	(55)
(Some Guy)		To save the Earth get rid of Christmas  (syracuse.com)	(163)
(Santa's Little Helper)		The annual "YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE WILL KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR DOG" article. Be afraid. Be very afraid  (kfbb.com)	(27)
		Britain's crappiest Christmas tree, compared to a giant traffic cone, to be replaced for - you guessed it - health and safety reasons (pic)  (telegraph.co.uk)	(61)
		Secretary of Defense Robert Gates gives his wife a $2.8 billion Virginia class attack submarine for Christmas. Top that, guys  (dailypress.com)	(45)
(Some Farker)		Local police cordoned off the area in preparation for the Christmas parade. Reckless train driver refuses to alter his course to avoid police cruiser  (johnsoncitypress.com)	(38)
		Convincing prison guards those tomato plants you're growing is not marijuana for 5 months? That takes skills. Decorating them as Christmas trees? Now you're just taunting them  (thesun.co.uk)	(33)

(NY Magazine)		Actual headline: "Michelle Obama Wore Clothes to Light the Christmas Tree"  (nymag.com)	(99)
		It's December again, and all the signs the holiday season are here: hanging Christmas lights, crowded shopping malls, and the Red Sox signing a new shortstop  (mlb.mlb.com)	(27)
		Christmas trees have started their counterattack  (express.co.uk)	(61)

		Oregon parents kick off the Christmas season by heading into the mountains to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select the most important symbol of Christmas - the perfect tree. Searchers hope to find them sometime today  (usatoday.com)	(168)
		Why buying Christmas presents for other people is stupid and a waste of money if you look at it from an economic point of view. And this economist has spent 15 years doing just that  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(42)

		Dad brings home full-size Barbie for daughter's Christmas gift. Soon, she starts moving around on her own, causing car accidents, frightening contractors and inducing gallstones. Then it gets weird  (cnn.com)	(138)
(Some Guy)		The top Christmas gifts for people who own a Wii. Inexplicably, 'a better gaming system' not among them  (techradar.com)	(189)
		There's a 30-percent chance your Christmas lights will kill you  (nzherald.co.nz)	(46)

		Apparently, Charles Dickens left us with one, and only one, manuscript of "A Christmas Carol", and he edited that so many times it's almost impossible to read. Try it for yourself  (documents.nytimes.com)	(113)
(Some Santa)		Jingle Bells, gifting's swell, spread some Christmas cheer / Buy a gift for a foster kid and feel warm & fuzzy all year (Link goes to wishlist)  (amazon.com)	(135)
		Needy kids who would like a free toy for Christmas, take one step forward. NOT SO FAST, illegal immigrant niños e niñas  (mysanantonio.com)	(477)
		The next time you get stuck in a toilet, make sure you try the Handel  (metro.co.uk)	(23)
		President Obama's address on Tuesday is pre-emptying "A Charlie Brown Christmas." This is bad news... for wah-wah-wah wah-wah  (mediabistro.com)	(149)

(Some Sexist Store)		Store apologizes for suggesting that men should make their wives "feel special this Christmas" by buying them a rotary clothesline  (digitalspy.com)	(254)
		12 days of Christmas to top out at over $87K this year, $88K if you tip the maids-a-milking for something kind of freaky  (content.usatoday.net)	(27)
		Austrian government moves to ban Santa Claus, saying he is a foreign invader who threatens the racial purity of traditional Christmas celebrations. Don't ever change, Austria  (telegraph.co.uk)	(134)

Just when you thought every conceivable way of displaying Christmas lights has been thought of, comes Christmas Kite Lights  (youtube.com)

(26)

		Every year parents struggle with which toys to buy their kids for Christmas. Well, here's fifteen you definitely shouldn't... unless you're like subby  (huffingtonpost.com)	(161)
		Obama's accept delivery of 2009 Christmas tree. The tree came from West Virginia, so there is at least one thing born and raised in America currently in the White House    (blogs.suntimes.com)	(124)
(Some Guy)		It's not the Christmas season in Britain until special hospitals are opened to treat drunken revellers. So it is now officially the Christmas season in Britain  (lbc.co.uk)	(8)

		MSNBC now has a Department of the Obvious  (msnbc.msn.com)	(19)
		Santa Claus fired for making children cry at a Christmas tree lighting event. "He was inept, sullen and incommunicative"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(62)
		"The BBC has abandoned plans to screen a ballet featuring a deformed Pope who rapes nuns that it had announced as one of the highlights of its Christmas schedule." And I was so looking forward to taking the kids (link fixed)  (telegraph.co.uk)	(21)

		Bob Dylan brings Christmas cheer to those without homes by donating all proceeds of his new holiday album to charity. Charities accept generous gift on the condition they don't have to listen to the music  (reuters.com)	(31)
		Not News: Wishing someone a happy Eid al-Adha. News: In a Best Buy ad. Fark: After you stopped wishing people Merry Christmas in those same ads in favor of Happy Holidays  (myfoxdc.com)	(238)
		"The hottest toy this Christmas is an interactive hamster that drives a car and squeaks happily when petted on the nose." Richard Gere squirms knowingly  (reuters.com)	(26)

		Atheist group asks to put up sign honoring war veterans near Christmas display. Pennsylvania town responds by outlawing Christmas displays, claiming "the liberals" have destroyed Christmas  (pennlive.com)	(877)
		It's not quite Thanksgiving yet, but the Christmas trees are already trying to kill us all  (thelocal.de)	(54)
(Some Guy)		Irish turn their annual Christmas lighting ceremony into a drunken riot. Once again  (belfasttelegraph.co.uk)	(86)

		Not-Christmas not-tree decorated with not-lights will sit on city common this generic holiday season  (telegram.com)	(59)
(Limerick Leader)		100-foot Christmas Tree crashes into bridge, makes its presents felt    (limerickleader.ie)	(79)

		Bob Dylan's polka-inspired Christmas video weirdness  (nydailynews.com)	(32)
		Poncho Claus, an entertainer known for leading a caravan of low riders through neighborhoods and passing out Christmas presents, has been hospitalized. Bueno suerte, señor  (khou.com)	(34)
		Not news: coming home from a weekend trip and discovering that your house was broken into. FARK: broken into to hang Christmas decorations  (hosted.ap.org)	(34)
		Three French hens, two turtle doves, and 316,000 bongs disguised as christmas ornaments in a shipping container  (foxnews.com)	(63)

		Mariah Carey: "I demand 20 white kittens, 100 white doves, 80 security guards, a wand, and butterfly-shaped confetti before I turn on this shopping centre's Christmas lights". In other news, unemployment rates still rising  (dailymail.co.uk)	(79)
(Pajiba)		"It's Baltimore gentlemen, the Gods will not save you." This and 99 other of the top quotes from The Wire in one amazing video compilation (language not safe for work)  (pajiba.com)	(49)