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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Apparently Best Korean officials are suffering from contagious and deadly "traffic accidents"  (telegraph.co.uk)	(59)
(Law and Order and Food)		In the criminal justice system, takeout is considered especially tasty. In New York City, the detectives who investigate these dishes are members of an elite squad known as the Special Tasters Unit. These are their stories. *DOINK DOINK*  (law-order-food.tumblr.com)	(14)

		Chicago alderman bases his municipal spending decisions on a) the bribes he's taken, b) blatant racial pandering, or c) letting constituents pick how the money should be spent...and the answer really is c). Where's that fainting couch?  (npr.org)	(30)
		Will Helio get his fourth? Will Andretti slow on the backstretch? How dusty will it get during the Dan Wheldon tributes? It's your official 96th Indianapolis 500 race thread (11am ET, ABC)  (indystar.com)	(lots)
		* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  (washingtonpost.com)	(198)

		Summer hasn't even officially started yet, but the competition for biggest fail while jumping off of a cliff and into the water has gotten off to a smashing start  (liveleak.com)	(55)
		Socialism turns out to be tremendous for the real-estate market, if the socialism is in France and the real-estate market is in New York  (nytimes.com)	(29)
(Bend Bulletin)		Video games being used to train new generation of auto technicians. By the way, subby knows a great mechanic for when you get laser or rocket damage to your ride, he graduated from Sega University with a specialty in rocket-jump cars  (bendbulletin.com)	(18)
(Detroit News)		Detroit officials plan to turn off half of all streetlights to save cash. Angry residents once again left in the dark  (detroitnews.com)	(40)

		We now interrupt your PS3 game for a Pepsi commercial  (g4tv.com)	(70)
(Some All American Guy)		The official list of words that get the attention of Homeland Security when you chat with your BFF Jill on FB  (blog.alexanderhiggins.com)	(248)
		What's Wall Street going to ruin next? Funding for commercial space travel  (marketwatch.com)	(19)
		I've got some good news men...well, mostly good news. The desire to send naked pics is hard wired into the human brain...especially the female brain  (dailymail.co.uk)	(358)
		Susie Wheldon returns to the Speedway, Will Power tries to willpower his way to his first 'big' victory, Ryan Briscoe is confused by a question from his wife. It's your official Indianapolis 500 Carb Day thread  (indystar.com)	(59)
		The specials today are a fresh arugula salad with lardons and a balsamic vinaigrette, a butter-poached dover sole, and the chef's own genitals. Wait, what? (not safe for, well, anything)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(116)
(SCIENCE)		Schizophrenia drug cures a form of leukemia. Still no cure for the CIA-implanted chip in my head  (news.sciencemag.org)	(17)
		Mortician finds gunshot wound to the chest of a man that had been ruled to have died of natural causes by police and EMS. To be fair, it happened in Detroit so they might have been confused  (freep.com)	(60)

		Hard-hitting Argentinian journalist meets hard-hitting Argentinian politician  (youtube.com)	(88)
		Mitt Romney speaks to a group of Hispanic businessmen and politicians. When asked about immigration, his Avoidance Subroutine kicked in  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(71)
(Womc.com)		Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston, Robin Gibb. Is Glee Predicting Musicians' Deaths Like A "Musical Nostradamus?"  (womc.cbslocal.com)	(46)
		Australian reporter to Australian politician: How do the poor secure meetings with you? Politician: Well, you know, business leaders are paying $25 grand  (abc.net.au)	(31)
		Romney campaign outlines his plan for "Day 1". 10am: Watch politely as Obama is sworn in for second term. Noon: Order early bird special at Denny's. 3pm: Watch the Ellen Show  (wrcbtv.com)	(54)
(Some Guy)		Four-alarm fire on board nuclear submarine in dry-dock at Maine naval base. In other news, half-price special this weekend at Red Lobster  (fosters.com)	(118)
		Victoria Beckham likes to get facials from New Zealand sheep placentas  (stuff.co.nz)	(79)

		Remember how many people said during the GOP primary "All Obama is going to have to do to create campaign commercials is run the tape of Romney's GOP rivals attacking him on the campaign trail"?  (news.yahoo.com)	(577)
		Blogger claims that Roger Ailes claims that Jon Stewart once admitted to him in a bar that he was a socialist, so that means Sarah Palin is automatically president and Stewart has to dig a hole and sit in it  (breitbart.com)	(178)
		Fox Sports technical problem causes regional baseball broadcasts to be commercial free, sending viewers' kidneys into utter confusion  (jsonline.com)	(17)
(MyFaceSpacedIn)		PROTIP: IF you are a Disney CM stealing an iPhone from a passenger on the cruise ship, best not take pictures of your fellow CMs, especially if the iPhone is loading directly to Facebook. BONUS: read the comments for added hilarity  (facebook.com)	(102)
		Seven-year-old girl is Japan's newest pop idol, starring in music, movies, and numerous commercials. Jesus  (theatlantic.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		Jeff Dunham's show in Savannah will be filmed for comedy special, contain no actual comedy  (mega949.com)	(71)
		If you're an elected official, don't send porn to your HR director  (tampabay.com)	(12)
(Some Guy)		The overriding question is: As artificial intelligence advances, do humans have to remain in the loop?  (govexec.com)	(53)
		"Doctor Who Helped Find Bin Laden"  (nytimes.com)	(75)

		I'm feeling really elitist with my $2 words and arugula right now. How do you enunciate your displeasure with the unwashed masses?  (fark.com)	(138)
		Animal Planet is going to create a 2 hr. CGI special "Mermaids: The Body Found." Were mermaids as we know them real, or was it something more realistic like aquatic apes?  (foxnews.com)	(119)
		School nurse refuses student access to his inhaler during full-blown asthma attack. School officials took it away because they had no current form signed by a parent authorizing its use  (clickorlando.com)	(361)
		In what was not at all an idiotic waste of time, the Supreme Court rules unanimously that children born from the frozen sperm of a dead man are not entitled to Social Security survivor benefits  (jezebel.com)	(91)
		The Iowa GOP officially endorsing the birther movement is probably the least crazy part of their party platform  (thinkprogress.org)	(115)
		Ancient 'cursing stone' found in Scotland associated with early Christianity and golf  (upi.com)	(15)
(NBCDFW)		OMG. You did not just label the special needs students 'retarded' in the yearbook  (nbcdfw.com)	(112)
(Some Guy)		Politician horrified at something that is legal, safe, wants to ban it. "I mean that is just so crystal clear, there is no debate, no discussion"   (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com)	(808)
		Broward County officials purge 5000 dead people from voter rolls. Chicago residents struggling to comprehend the headline  (sun-sentinel.com)	(35)

		Will the Lakers win after 41 Free Throws? Will OKC move on to the Western Final? It's your Official NBA Playoff Thread  (nba.com)	(289)
		Ever so timely, Microsoft hops on the social media bandwagon  (betanews.com)	(54)
		FIFA to pick anti-corruption officials. Please send your (air quotes) application to Zurich (blink blink)  (espn.go.com)	(22)
(The Blaze)		In today's social studies lesson, we will learn how you can get arrested for talking trash about our Dear Leader. With audio goodness  (theblaze.com)	(244)
		Two words that should never go together, especially from your doctor: Gonorrhea Superbug  (blog.sfgate.com)	(44)
		Billboard awards show honors Donna Summer, but cuts off tribute for commercials. Guess it wasn't the greatest song in the world  (music.yahoo.com)	(17)

		To help Japan and world see "ring" in all its glory, Panasonic team scales Mount Fuji with special equipment to broadcast event live  (google.com)	(9)
		"The trouble is, of course, that almost no one can accumulate that much money - in rough terms, about 25 years of living expenses after Social Security and pensions - just by investing in safe assets"  (nytimes.com)	(68)
		Japanese officials to small NJ town: "We'd be much obliged if you'd tear down your memorial to abused 'comfort women' of WWII." NJ town: "How about 'NO'... and btw, welcome to the Streisand Effect"  (japantoday.com)	(198)

		Arizona Senate candidate: Special Forces medic, wounded in Vietnam? Check. Heroic former sheriff? Check. Rappelled from helicopter to save snowbound crash victims? Check. Democrat? Ooh, so close  (thedailybeast.com)	(95)
(whptv)		Toms River, New Jersey homeowners find green tap water. Residents panic, ask city officials to do whatever they can to return it to its natural shade of brown  (whptv.com)	(23)

		Network TV execs are very unhappy about Dish TV's new DVR that automatically skips commercials while recording-so they're refusing to run any Dish TV ads that tell you about the new service  (newser.com)	(211)
		Airport security to German politician: "Sorry sir, but you can't bring that axe on a plane"  (thelocal.de)	(42)
		It's your official Let's Pity Chicagoans Affected by the NATO summit discussion thread  (chicagotribune.com)	(68)
		The Facebook IPO is set to make Bono the richest musician in the world. That, on top of being the most talented musician in the world  (spinner.com)	(89)
		Support for President Obama amongst the U.S. prison population expected to rise, as the administration ordered federal, state and local officials to adopt zero tolerance for prison rape  (news.yahoo.com)	(118)

		Lawrence Taylor selling his '91 Super Bowl ring after running into "legal and financial" problems, which is media talk for bad coke habits, banging underage prostitutes and the ensuing legal fees that result  (nfl.com)	(36)
		The president says he is a "practicing Christian." It is difficult to be one while simultaneously holding a low view of the Bible, which his position on several social issues might suggest  (townhall.com)	(250)
		Azithromycin may increase the likelihood of sudden death in adults, especially those who have heart issues. Hey, my dentist prescribes that for me, because of my heart operation. Seriously she does. THUD  (nytimes.com)	(46)

		When even Forbes thinks that Wall Street commercial banking needs a leash and a muzzle, it probably needs a leash and a muzzle  (forbes.com)	(22)
(abc)		18-year-old high school senior becomes youngest elected official in New York State, has homework still due on Friday  (abclocal.go.com)	(17)
		Old and busted: Obama was born in Kenya. New hotness: Obama's grandfather was a CIA agent who convinced Barack Obama Sr. to marry his daughter to hide the fact that she was impregnated by a 55-year-old communist named Frank Marshall Davis   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(77)
		GOP-controlled Virginia House rejects judicial nomination of popular former prosecutor and fighter pilot, due to "a pattern of behavior that is just notorious," also known as being gay  (nytimes.com)	(108)
		How many times do I have to say this? If you run an unsecured Wifi network called "pedodave69" you are are only asking for trouble; especially if you are a retired FBI agent  (cnn.com)	(18)
(LoanSafe)		LoanSafe sees the reality in FARK's prediction of future social security benefits (2nd paragraph)  (loansafe.org)	(0)
		Rachel Maddow: I hate when politicians don't read bills before passing them, unless it's Democrats doing it, then it's the best thing ever  (newsbusters.org)	(193)

		Special K Chocolate Delight has more calories than Cocoa Puffs  (consumerist.com)	(125)
		Government mouthpiece China Daily: "Will [popular US ambassador] Gary Locke please disclose his personal assets?" China Daily readers: "Um, here's his financial disclosure statement, right here"  (csmonitor.com)	(41)
		Sami Nasri (IAC) gives a special shout out to all the Arsenal fans during the EPL victory celebration: "They should celebrate their third-place achievement and I will focus on winning titles"  (mirror.co.uk)	(44)
		Your official Error 37 thread continues...  (fark.com)	(544)
(Some Guy)		Don't you just hate it when the neighbors are all up in your business? Especially if you're a burglar and the neighbor is an off-duty cop  (dacula.patch.com)	(7)
		5 Reasons America Is In Decline...1 - Democrats 2 - Liberal Democrats 3 - Progressive Democrats 4 - Socialist Democrats 5 - RINO Democrats  (townhall.com)	(94)
		900-year-old skulls found buried in Florida backyard has officials scratching their heads  (dailymail.co.uk)	(32)

		New book on the CIA and their techniques. Bonus: Best Koreans will betray their country for a copy of Hustler  (dailymail.co.uk)	(53)
		OregonLive.com gives credit to Fark for featuring a story about Social Security benefits  (oregonlive.com)	(1)
		NY Rep Peter King (R-eality impaired) claims that there is no racial profiling going on in New York. The fact that NYPD managed to stop and frisk more black people than there are living in NY is just a happy coincidence   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(108)
		As we have sanitized our public schools from prayer, from displays of the Ten Commandments, from any teaching that can be associated with biblical sources, we've put government monopoly power behind moral relativism  (townhall.com)	(179)
		Weakening euro has officials beginning to consider a Greek exit. Looks like like we're not through with all that Santorum mess just yet  (bloomberg.com)	(7)

		Team of specialist archaeologists spend three months creating replica of Bronze Age boat, only to work out that a boat specialist may have been fractionally more useful  (bbc.co.uk)	(41)
		Beauty pageant officials strip Miss Fiji of crown for not looking native enough. There's got to be something in the water  (news.com.au)	(66)
(Some NFL Guy)		Jets backup QB Tim Tebow finally getting his own half hour special on Eǃ Entertainment Television this summer, which will more than make up for the lack of attention he's sure to get from the New York media  (lastangryfan.com)	(53)
(SPEED)		A Williams on the pole? Lewis Hamilton starting from the back of the grid? Other possible crazy? It's your F1 Grand Prix of Spain official discussion thread. Race coverage starts at 7:30 AM EST  (formula-one.speedtv.com)	(152)
(CBS)		Court rules that guy can sue hospital for "excruciating pain and trauma" when a worker tripped on a hose, yanking a catheter from his penis  (losangeles.cbslocal.com)	(129)

		Photoshop this (not really) levitating musician  (spiegel.de)	(27)
		Any landing you can walk away from is a good one. Especially if a train is involved  (news24.com)	(19)
		British Olympic officials announce plan to deploy "sonic weapon" that can deliver ear-splitting, agonizing waves of noise to a large crowd. I'm just happy that Fran Drescher is still keeping busy  (thedailybeast.com)	(79)
		Geraldo Rivera claims he was 'manually raped' by TSA officials, proving the TSA does offer some value  (dailymail.co.uk)	(71)

(Science News)		Nobel Prize-winning Texas cancer official in resignation letter: "Science or GTFO"  (news.sciencemag.org)	(46)
(NJ101.5)		State officials defend exam question asking third-graders to, "reveal a secret that was difficult to keep and explain why it was hard to keep"  (nj1015.com)	(103)
		Remember when Elizabeth Warren was accused of lying about her ethnicity to get special treatment? Turns out that not only is she part Cherokee, but she also never even claimed that on admission forms or employment applications  (huffingtonpost.com)	(204)

		Although the CIA says waterboarding is not torture, it still wouldn't demonstrate the technique on Sen. Bill Nelson because he might die and stuff  (washingtonpost.com)	(142)
		The officer in charge of censoring the audio coming from the military tribunals at Gitmo apparently decided that national security would be harmed if reporters were allowed to hear the phrase "big-boy pants"  (reuters.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)		On May 5th President Barack Obama officially launched his re-election campaign. What is the significance of May 5th? As Obama and his friends undoubtedly know, it is Karl Marx's birthday  (christianconceptsdaily.com)	(82)
		After months of campaigning on social issues, Romney upset that reporters keep asking about social issues. "Aren't there issues of significance that you'd like to talk about?"  (thedailybeast.com)	(98)
		The Avengers' official chef shows you how to make a shawarma  (youtube.com)	(41)

(DailyShowUnited)		Delta pulled its commercials from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart because it listened to a guy who once said "Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity"  (dailyshowunited.com)	(96)
		If Ren Hoek ran for office, this would be his campaign commercial. With whizzing on the electric fence goodness  (youtube.com)	(37)
		A mass brawl forced the abandonment of a crucial Romanian league derby. The goalkeeper ran after the scorer as he celebrated and pushed him to the ground. And everything started there  (eitb.com)	(16)
		Seattle Times thinks this Fark headline is a real winner. "Redskins officially name RG3 as starting quarterback, ending weeks of non-speculation"   (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(0)

		Nebraska man officially changes his name to "Tyrannosaurus Rex." With helpful picture of what he may now look like  (foxnews.com)	(71)
(Hot Pennsyltucky Mess)		Woman allegedly beats husband with vacuum over his facial hair  (phillyburbs.com)	(22)
		If you think THIS financial crisis is bad, wait until you see the investment bankers of tomorrow (with bonus dry humping pic)  (express.co.uk)	(94)
		Officials say that several more bombs similar to the "improved underwear bomb" they just intercepted are "unaccounted for". Hope you'll enjoy giving TSA screening agents the newly federally mandated lap dance  (abcnews.go.com)	(90)

		Fruit of the Boom: CIA thwarts a new al-Qaida underwear bomb plot to destroy a U.S.-bound airliner. The attack was planned around the one-year anniversary of the killing of Osama bin Laden  (cbsnews.com)	(186)
		Beyonce: "My biggest thing is to teach Blue not to focus on the aesthetic." But first, this L'Oreal commercial  (celebitchy.com)	(70)
		I think every Monday should start with Felicia Day trying on steampunk fashions  (youtube.com)	(70)
		Worst. Socialist. EVER  (nytimes.com)	(162)
		ABC, Univision to create Hispanic news channel. Prime-time dream-team lineup would include 1970's Charo, that guy from the Dos Equis commercials, Bumblebee Guy from the Simpson's and Glenn Beck  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(153)
		Redskins officially name RG3 as starting quarterback, ending weeks of non-speculation  (msn.foxsports.com)	(18)
		LeBron gives post game interview versus Knicks, with special guest appearance by Chris Bosh  (liveleak.com)	(7)

(France 24)		Socialist François Hollande elected French president with 51.9% of the vote. Commence with the surrender jokes  (france24.com)	(559)
		Will Michael Waltrip re-live his glory days, or make the race official on lap 1? Will Dale Earnhardt Jr. snap his losing streak? What lap will The Big One occur? Its Talledega, on Fox at Noon ET  (nationwide.nascar.com)	(795)
(Some Spary)		Apparently, it needs to be said. Do Not bring your weed to class. Especially if your class is with the state police training academy  (wcax.com)	(41)

		Iran's semi-official Mehrs news agency ends up using a photoshopped image for Iran's missile system. Fark: They used *that* image. Yes, that one  (theatlanticwire.com)	(76)
		Why don't men wear hats anymore? Presidential socialism (with painstakingly to scale illustrations to prove the point)  (npr.org)	(175)
(wmur)		Think your flowers will make this Mother's Day special? This man raised the bar so high we may never use the term "momma's boy" again  (wmur.com)	(42)
		You can now insure your marijuana crop against theft, fire, and even DEA raids. Next up? USDA price supports, "pay not to plant" programs, and annoying lizard commercials  (katu.com)	(17)

(Some Guy)		Social etiquette tip: when a man compliments your car, the proper response is NOT to beat him into a coma  (kirotv.com)	(224)
		"Officials say that messages on social media that led to the cancelation of classes were not threats, but were rather about masturbation"  (wxyz.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)		Who developed the strategy to get Bin Laden? We now know it was a young CIA agent named Rebecca  (wapo.st)	(151)

		Chris Harrison officially a bachelor  (news-briefs.ew.com)	(17)
		"She is by far the most difficult. She's constantly demanding, never appreciative of anything and just plain nasty." If you guessed that this was said about Christina Aguilera, step forward and claim your prize  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(38)
		Sir Mervyn King admits that the financial crisis has indeed a single cause - deregulation of banks. No worries dear chap, your successor will surely make everything hunky dory  (guardian.co.uk)	(17)
		Five facts you might not know about Cinco de Mayo. #6: It's not officially sponsored by Corona  (mnn.com)	(47)
		Donald Rumsfeld said giving the order to kill Osama Bin Laden was an 'easy call', except when he pulled the plug on a similar raid over fears of infuriating Pakistan  (politico.com)	(146)

		Major donors to Scott Walker's re-election campaign include a Vegas casino mogul, big players in the financial industry, and an NBA team owner. Very few actual Wisconsinites however  (businessweek.com)	(130)
		Oompa Loompa Jersey mom puts five-year-old in tanning bed, burning her. Officials, Wonka not amused  (huffingtonpost.com)	(194)
(KVIA.com)		Teen with Down Syndrome wins gold at Special Olympics, second place in a national beauty contest... but still has one more goal to fulfill before she graduates high school  (kvia.com)	(224)

		Choose who you sit next to on a plane via social media. What could possibly go wrong?  (travelandleisure.com)	(83)
(Bangkok Post)		Thai workers: "We need a 300-baht minimum daily wage next year." Thai official: "What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn baht man"  (bangkokpost.com)	(21)
		Gay spokesman for Romney campaign has officially been tied to the roof of the family car  (washingtonpost.com)	(154)
		Life stinks for high school media specialist busted over sock fetish  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(34)
($25 pumping fee)		Two of the most hated industries are oil companies and commercial airlines. So, let's welcome our new Voltron of Suck: DeltaConocoPhillips   (refiningandpetrochemicals.energy-business-review.com)	(33)
(PhillyBurbs)		Man exposes himself at Association for the Blind  (phillyburbs.com)	(42)

(Some Guy)

Improv Everywhere really knows how to make a date... special  (improveverywhere.com)

(22)

		When Obama goes fundraising, liberals defend him by saying "politicians have to raise money." When he goes fundraising more than the last five presidents COMBINED, they defend him by saying that "it's much harder for him"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(342)
		Foreign countries with a financial stake in seeing the US oil and gas industries fail are funding left-wing groups and documentaries to spread lies against 'big energy'. Oh, and the media is in on it too  (newsbusters.org)	(119)

Walmart unveils a revolutionary new way to pay for online purchases, using specially printed slips of green paper, or as they call it, "cash"  (news.yahoo.com)

(111)

		Prison officials propose law to label masturbating inmates as sex offenders, opponents say either way it would be tossed  (courant.com)	(182)
		Twenty years after the Rodney King riots, Battlestar Galactica's Bill Adama chimes on racial relations in LA, destroying those frackin toasters  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(106)
		In the wake of the Secret Service prostitute scandal, Colombia has plenty of laughs mocking the US for the incident. That is, of course, until a US airline advertisement associates Colombia with prostitution. Now it's not funny anymore  (bbc.co.uk)	(84)

How do Norwegians send an extra-special Fark You to a mass-murdering psychopath? Forty thousand of them marched to Oslo singing the song he claims is an example of Marxist indoctrination  (csmonitor.com)

(117)

		Not news: Americans solicit prostitute while traveling abroad. News: They're government officials and broke her collar bone after refusing to pay the agreed price. Fark: This isn't part of the Secret Service fiasco  (dailymail.co.uk)	(107)
(LA Weekly)		The original Southern California Darts Association hits the mark with a Federal injunction preventing Dino "Pebbles" Zaffina from using their 30 year old trademark  (blogs.laweekly.com)	(144)
		Paul Ryan: My budget is based on Catholic values. Bishops: No, it's based on Ayn Rand - now go read this Catholic Social Doctrine and try again  (dailykos.com)	(319)
(Some Guy)		Rep. Todd Akin (R-eally dumb): "Federal student loans are the stage three cancer of socialism"  (columbiatribune.com)	(393)
(Some Bright Guy)		If you are going to brandish a weapon in a road rage, don't use a flare gun. And try not to shoot it off in your own vehicle. Especially if you have a kid sitting in there  (wmur.com)	(17)

		Crayfish study shows that neurological changes can occur due to social status. Granted, you'd change neurologically if someone were sucking on your head, too  (sciencedaily.com)	(22)
(Some Guy)		Apple Q2 2012 financials are out. Summary: They made more money than the rest of the planet combined  (macrumors.com)	(63)
(Some Guy)		Sheriff opens special housing unit in his jail just for military veterans to ensure that they get the PTSD and other mental health treatment that they desperately need. Tag is for Sheriff and Veterans  (ledger-enquirer.com)	(146)
		It's official - There will be a French GP next year  (en.espnf1.com)	(29)
(Some Guy)		When you're on the run for killing an armored truck guard and stealing $2 million, don't brag about it in a crack house, especially in, well, take a wild guess  (cbspittsburgh.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		Former chief of NBC Entertainment discovers that having to watch TV with the 20+ minutes of commercials the networks foist on us per hour really, really sucks  (tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com)	(99)
		Ladies and gentleman, fellow conspiracy theorists, let's all give a warm welcome to the latest target for our government obsessions: the brand new Defense Clandestine Service  (upi.com)	(83)

(Some Guy)		Four year old hugs her grandma and then gets an extra special hug from the TSA  (exm.nr)	(237)
		You know how the Social Security trust fund was going to run dry by 2036? Well, turns out that might have been a tad bit optimistic  (washingtonpost.com)	(176)
(Some Guy)		Many of the Native American names in the game were "excruciating," Hutchinson remembered. "Some of them had so many vowels we said 'fark it, give us another one'"  (penny-arcade.com)	(33)
		Felicia Day gives props to Fark and Carrie Fisher. Sorta  (youtube.com)	(47)
		The disaster that is Obamacare will save Medicare beneficiaries $208 billion and Medicare itself $200 billion  (usatoday.com)	(71)
		Aging workforce strains Social Security, Medicare, Bowels  (hosted.ap.org)	(48)
		After being convicted of assault, Scottish politician outlines his manifesto: "Headbutts for close up and you subdue. It may be a Scottish thing. You aim for the bridge of the nose because it is very soft"  (express.co.uk)	(19)
		Extremely rare adult white killer whale spotted in the wild with his black counterparts. The whale appears to be healthy, socialized, not followed by mall security  (bbc.co.uk)	(59)
(Some Guy)		If you have a maid, please remind her she doesn't have to clean the outside of your windows, especially the ones above the ground floor. "Once they do that, I think, we will be able to save a lot of lives"  (asiaone.com)	(18)

(Some Lefty)		Socialist presidential candidate urges voters to shun the far right in a push for working-class voter support  (montrealgazette.com)	(63)
(Some Guy)		Carey Mulligan, Moviestar, Marries Marcus Mumford, Musician. Mergers make much more money, methinks  (aceshowbiz.com)	(47)

		NYS education officials finally chop ambiguous pineapple question off state test  (nydailynews.com)	(55)
		Liquid concrete accidentally floods upscale New York hotel. Officials predict that removing it will only get harder and harder  (upi.com)	(28)
		Ending 114-year-old tradition, Arizona to install artificial turf at home football stadium. Continuing even longer tradition, Arizona to miss Rose Bowl and lose whatever garbage postseason bowl they enter  (azstarnet.com)	(27)
(MSNBC)		California State university student gets a head start on his career as a politician by stealing 700 voter IDs to win President of Student Government  (technolog.msnbc.msn.com)	(30)

		The Guardian notices the use of social internet memes and cites FARK for its "sometimes-tasteless humour" (5th paragraph) (Warning: graphic image in link)  (guardian.co.uk)	(22)
		Commercial from Japanese all-girl pop group "AKB48, which shows the roughly 90 band members who all dress in school-girl uniforms, kissing has drawn complaint for "encouraging homosexuality", mass slaughter of kittens  (news.yahoo.com)	(100)
		Brain Study: Erotic movies make parts of brain shut down (especially the part that's suppose to remember to clear your browser history)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(25)
		Men warned of danger of using hair-removal gels on their junk: "You may wake up one morning with an extremely high voice and notice you have no more testicles and officially classed as a eunuch"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(118)

		Not content to rest on their laurels after developing artificial intelligence that will soon surpass humans at the same time as they're building hunter-killer drones, scientists have now invented synthetic DNA that replicates and evolves  (io9.com)	(32)
		Well the one good thing about Ted Nugent's NRA convention rant is that it was so irresponsible and inappropriate that no mainstream poltician could possibly still support him right? I mean except for Allen West of course  (politico.com)	(110)
(Some Guy)		NY Subway cars are bastions of good will, especially for pregnant women. Unless they're Red Sox fans  (940winz.com)	(109)
(Some Guy)		The Dodd Frank finance reform bill has given control of many duties once performed by the FTC to the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. This leaves 1,176 employees with $292 million to regulate appliance labels  (blog.heritage.org)	(30)
		Three men file suit against the producers of the TV show "The Bachelor" accusing them racial bias. Producers say the charges are ridiculous and it's total coincidence that in 23 seasons they've never had a minority lead  (wishtv.com)	(92)
		Finally, someone takes a look at the big mystery surrounding politicians: why, in the past 100 years, was Michele Bachmann the only bearded presidential candidate?  (slate.com)	(54)
		Right wing in despair as Socialist leads Presidential Race by 14%, France on verge of surrendering Palais d'Elysée to Hollande  (independent.co.uk)	(122)

		Tablets like the iPad are a boon for overcoming social and communication difficulties. They help disabled students, too  (washingtonpost.com)	(76)
		Study shows that the precentage of people believing in God increases dramatically with age. Statisticians call this phenomenon "hedging your bets"  (news.yahoo.com)	(554)
(Some Pork)		Caption this photo of respected politician John McCain  (p.twimg.com)	(43)

		Fox News guest attacks Hillary Clinton saying her behavior was as if she's auditioning for Jersey Shore and that no senior public official should ever be seen with a drink or dancing  (thinkprogress.org)	(215)
		ESPN has a three-hour special tonight about the release of the NFL Schedule, because there are no other sports going on right now  (nj.com)	(153)
		As Europe prepares for the next round of bailouts, officials promise yet again that this time will be different  (telegraph.co.uk)	(77)
		Official Tuesday Morning discussion thread of super fun excitement and wonder  (fark.com)	(298)
		10 facts about Social Security. Did you know the Fark filter automatically masks Social Security numbers with ***-**-****. It's amazing, try it. Here's Subby's: ***-**-****  (cnbc.com)	(174)

		Nicki Minaj deletes her twitter account that had million of followers. Social media professionals everywhere break into Nancy Kerrigan style cries of "WHY WHY WHY"  (hitfix.com)	(65)
(Some Guy)		Outside of Paul Ryan's budget and the Democratic budget, there was a third choice that was faster, more efficient, and cut no social services. Wow, it's almost like there's more than two sides to the issue  (bellinghamherald.com)	(115)

		If there was one politician we needed to make brash and incendiary statements about the Israel-Palestine conflict, it's RON PAUL  (news.yahoo.com)	(160)
(Some Weaver)		Not News: DUI Checkpoint. Holy FARK: The use of specialized flashlights with ethanol sensors to detect the presence of alcohol on a driver's breath  (centredaily.com)	(738)
		"When the band members came forward to speak, there were no specific references to Rose, but the musicians did use their allusions"  (music.yahoo.com)	(129)
		More than 2,700 companies collect your state income tax, and then keep it for themselves under deals they have struck with the states. GE, Goldman Sachs, P&G, Chrysler, Ford, GM Nissan, Toyota, all benefit from this corporate socialism  (blogs.reuters.com)	(71)
(Some Guy)		Will Ferrari bounce back, can Red Bull win a race, can more insanity happen? It's your official Chinese Grand Prix discussion thread, 2:30 AM EST on Speed  (speedtv.com)	(383)

(Some Guy)		In the 106 years since Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity, scientists have largely accepted Time as Space's 4th dimension. A bold new theory says Time exists independently of Space, and Einstein can just suck it  (phys.org)	(196)
		I can't hear you over the sound of this drone strike  (foxnews.com)	(52)
		After an elaborate operation led by French customs, the Social Security dept., the police transport division, and months of surveillance, French police arrest souvenir shop owners for selling mini Eiffel Towers without a permit  (daytondailynews.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)		Undercover CIA operative, who helped capture Abu Abbas, struck down by a) terrorists, b) friendly fire, or c) deli meat sample  (thewrap.com)	(28)
		There are some novelty gifts you probably should not have delivered to the World Financial Center  (dailymail.co.uk)	(43)

(Some Guy)		If you're the 7- or 8-year-old boy who spotted the abandoned penguin egg at the Woodland Park Zoo, then zoo officials as well as the penguin who hatched would like a word  (today.seattletimes.com)	(35)
		Let's be honest; there's only one game anyone cares about today, the first Cubs/Cardinals showdown of the season. The World Series champs take on Chicago's chumps at 2:15 Central. It's today's Official MLB Discussion thread  (espn.go.com)	(189)
		Google is set to be the official social platform for the GOP Convention, replacing the previous social platform, the bulletin board at a local country club  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(62)

		Obama blasphemes Holy St. Reagan, says the modern GOP would denounce him as a "wild-eyed, socialist, tax-hiking class warrior". Which is ridiculous because Reagan wasn't black  (news.yahoo.com)	(273)
		Indian politicians offer $2,000--nearly half a year's wages--as bounty for any slain vampires people bring in. In other news, a whole lot of people are about to be murdered in India  (io9.com)	(108)
		China attempting to cull rumors about top official's wife by deleting posts onli  (news.com.au)	(14)
		CIA's secret fear: biometrics used at the border will blow their agents' covers  (wired.com)	(63)
		News: Politician declares Fox news biased and in the tank for the Republican establishment and Mitt Romney. Fark: That politician is Newt Gingrich  (cbsnews.com)	(73)

		Japanese officials prepare for a wave of hand thefts as bank rolls out palm reading ATMs  (networkworld.com)	(26)
		Musician finds rare unreleased reel-to-reel tape of 1956 jazz concert featuring Ella Fitzgerald, Oscar Peterson, Dizzy Gillespie, the Modern Jazz Quartet and Stan Getz ... all on the same show  (nola.com)	(59)
		California had the most layoffs last month as job creators went somewhere where they would be appreciated  (utsandiego.com)	(27)
		Prepare yourself: The Special Prosecutor in the Trayvon Martin case will release new information on the case within 72 hours  (nytimes.com)	(892)

		Florida nukular power plant cited for safety violations. Plant officials plan to put toilet water on it  (sun-sentinel.com)	(54)
		Top 10 examples of white actors and musicians trying to rap...and failing miserably  (ramblingbeachcat.com)	(144)
		Miami Marlins fail to realize that the cold war ended decades ago. Suspend Ozzie Guillen for pro-Castro remarks. Guess the Marlins support the brutal military dictatorship of Batista and old system of racial serfdom instead  (espn.go.com)	(271)
		No one ever appreciates pus  (mentalfloss.com)	(47)
		The higher your social rank, the less likely you are to ever get sick. Which explains how Drew can drink like a Russian sailor with nary a sniffle  (bbc.co.uk)	(33)
		Real Madrid face crucial derby as lead over Barcelona crumbles  (eitb.com)	(8)
		CIO for company that specializes in giving drunk drivers a ride home gets arrested for...wait for it...yeah, you guessed it. Sports tag because he's a former All-Pro NFL fullback who's probably played for your team  (espn.go.com)	(18)

		If you're a politician who is aggressively and publically anti-Wall Street, you're going to end up with no money. Oh, did I say no money? I meant "twice as much money as your opponent"  (politics.salon.com)	(316)
		I am shocked, shocked to learn that the media treatment of politicians such as Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin have made women less inclined to enter politics  (economist.com)	(183)
		New study finds that homophobes are more likely to be closeted homosexuals. Subby assumes they just watched conservative politicians for a few weeks for this study  (sciencedaily.com)	(369)
		FDR would fight against the current Social Security system  (washingtonpost.com)	(197)
		American Universities are being infiltrated by foreign spies says FBI, plan to train American students in paintball to defeat them  (bloomberg.com)	(73)

(The Masters)		A tight field of vets and young guns, completely ideal weather, and the roar of the crowd reverberating out of Amen Corner. A perfect start to spring with your official Masters Sunday discussion thread  (masters.com)	(605)
		Sergio Garcia guarantees Masters win. Just kidding. In post-round press conference, he said "I'm not good enough...The conclusion is I need to play for second or third place. In any major I'm not good enough"  (sports.yahoo.com)	(10)
(Some Guy)		Pinterest, whatever the hell that is, is now the 3rd largest social network on the nets  (businessinsider.com)	(122)
		Binky-hating 114-year-old pediatrician Dr. Leila Denmark has died: "When she began to practise, an appointment to see her cost $4. By the time she retired aged 103, she had more than doubled her fees - to $10"  (telegraph.co.uk)	(100)

		Eight liberal celebrities who have fallen out of love with Obama. Yeah he's on there and of course she would be too. Tag is for falling for a politician to begin with  (theweek.com)	(221)
		Eighteen-year-old breaks up with former teacher when she finds out she wasn't such a special snowflake after all  (usatoday.com)	(112)
		I'm sure the poor will definitely appreciate cosmetics instead of food  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(27)
		Sign no. 47 the Mayans were right about 2012: the mainstream media discovers and praises Brony social club in D.C  (washingtonpost.com)	(93)
		Treasury freezes pay for CEOs at Ally Financial, GM, AIG. Congress' automatic pay increases still on track, of course  (news.yahoo.com)	(33)
		Newspaper sends 70 reporters to cover Angels' season opener. They must be doing one hell of a special section  (sports.yahoo.com)	(5)

		Actual Headline: "Gravy-wrestling model suffers horrific facial injuries while being hit with a monkey wrench when she interrupted a friend having sex". And Happy Easter everyone  (dailymail.co.uk)	(76)
(Some Creosote)		Tiny new silicon110 GHz phased array transmitter developed. Scienticians say it's wahffer-thin, won't bust budgets or explode under pressure  (phys.org)	(26)
(Some Guy)		Apparently pigs feel the same way most people do about politician's news conferences  (politicalwire.com)	(14)
(Great Falls Tribune)		Judge not, lest ye be judged. Especially if you're a judge who used your work computer in your chambers to send sexist, racist joke about Barack Obama's mother engaging in bestiality  (greatfallstribune.com)	(141)

		With the help of high level Pakistani officials, Bin Laden hid in Pakistani cities except for 8 months after the 9-11 attacks. Thanks Pakistan  (news.yahoo.com)	(127)
		Terror leader dares the US to come and get him, at a public press conference: "I will be in Lahore tomorrow. America can contact me whenever it wants to," US Special Forces: "Challenge accepted"  (news.yahoo.com)	(134)
		Opening Day is Best Day: It's your official MLB Opening Day thread  (mlb.mlb.com)	(411)
		This may come a a shock to you, but legal experts say that the federal judge who ordered the administration to "clarify" Obama's remarks on judicial review , is a partisan hack who has wildly overstepped his authority  (cnn.com)	(284)
(Minding The Campus)		You know those Ivy League schools that produce the most prominent lawyers, politicians and judges in the country? Turns out their student governments are run like police states and their student tribunals like kangaroo courts  (mindingthecampus.com)	(76)
(the daily breeze)		Official forced to apologize after pulling male high school student from "Mr Fullerton" contest for saying he wanted to be married in 10 years ... to a man  (dailybreeze.com)	(30)
		Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter are taking their special brand of hatred and venom--normally reserved for Democrats--and turning on each other, arguing over the biggest idiot in the Republican party  (dailycaller.com)	(145)

		Great Moments in Socialized Medicine #9,190: British woman is ordered to find a different doctor from the one she's been seeing for 30 years because her 2-mile trips to see him are bad for the environment  (telegraph.co.uk)	(422)
		Fox network's 25th anniversary special to reunite casts from some classic Fox shows. Click over here to complain that {obscure, terrible show} is missing  (avclub.com)	(133)
		In this week's edition of IS IT RACIST, Burger King pulls a commercial featuring Mary J. Blige rapping about chicken  (huffingtonpost.com)	(330)
		And now for something completely different: here's two politicians who don't know anything about Twitter arguing about Twitter  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(90)
		Kate Upton says only seven words, but her new Direct TV commercial still gets great reception  (dailymail.co.uk)	(31)
(Daily Camera)		University of Colorado officials decide the best way to keep students from lighting up on 4/20 is to give them a free Wyclef Jean concert  (dailycamera.com)	(52)

(RNW)		Dutch scientists invent flying car that will be commercially available in 2014. You bet there's a video  (rnw.nl)	(31)
		Passenger rail might actually be commercially-viable somewhere outside the Boston-DC corridor  (washingtonpost.com)	(81)
		Don't you hate it when, running for President, someone quotes Book of Mormon scripture, then asks if you believe in interracial marriage?  (abcnews.go.com)	(260)
		Either a Tim and Eric sketch or a real commercial for a small business in Sacramento  (blog.trutv.com)	(26)
		From the, "wait, that's illegal?" department: Massachusetts politician indicted for using state funds to support his political campaign  (bostonherald.com)	(27)

(cbs local)

Like there weren't enough reasons not to live in Passaic, New Jersey, officials now plan to charge for emergency calls  (newyork.cbslocal.com)

(47)

		43 year old police officer has gun license revoked after state officials unseal juvenile record and learn he committed crime when he was 15  (metrowestdailynews.com)	(121)
		Today is the 40th anniversary of the first Major League Baseball players' strike and the 20th anniversary the National Hockey League Players' Association first-ever strike. In honor, go refuse to do something  (abcnews.go.com)	(15)
		Nudists campaigning for beach near the home of Prince William and Kate Middleton to be officially recognized as a nudist beach. However, like most nudists, they are having serious issues with sagging support  (thedailybeast.com)	(52)
		Specially brewed Johnny Walker whiskey now on sale for $200,000 if you want to take a shot  (huffingtonpost.com)	(41)

		Lottery "Expert" Richard Lustig: "don't ever buy Quick Picks". Mega-Millions official: Two of the 3 jackpot winners were Quick Picks  (reuters.com)	(169)
		Ladies and gentlemen, it's official. The drunker you are, the prettier you become - to yourself. This would explain why most Farkers "feel sexier, smarter and funnier, even when others privately think you are a turkey"  (ca.news.yahoo.com)	(44)
		Alabama nightclub hosts "Food Stamps Friday" event, with special entrance fee for those with a valid food stamp card. Bonus: free shots at the door  (cbsnews.com)	(64)

		3 former Marines work with craft brewer to create special tribute brew for Marines killed in chopper crash. Proceeds will help build scholarship fund for the families of the deceased. Brew is named 'Homage'  (wtkr.com)	(63)
(Channel Register)		This just in: half of all American households now officially fall into the "elitist latte-drinking hipster snob" category  (channelregister.co.uk)	(74)
		Judge rules that Catholic schoolgirls who posted bikini pics WILL be allowed to attend their graduation ceremony, calls school officials out for being a**holes  (azcentral.com)	(735)

		Special needs adults taken to hospital after multi-vehicle accident. They were tardy due to traffic, chromosomes  (wesh.com)	(51)
		First trailer for "Safety is Not Guaranteed." This is not a joke, or a Campbell's Soup commercial  (youtube.com)	(37)

Man undergoes full facial transplant. Nicholas Cage, John Travolta reportedly unimpressed. (pics)  (io9.com)

(58)

		Dick Cheney's heart plant surgery, Bob Uecker's statue juuust a bit outside of Miller Park, and a special report from Trevor McSmokingballs: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/18 - 3/24  (fark.com)	(10)
		Subby never thought an Alicia Silverstone vid could be categorized as creepy and disgusting, but here we are  (tmz.com)	(119)
(Some Guy)		'The next generation of financial investors will plan their strategy according to Twitter data'. Hold tight for a run on amusing cat photos  (trebuchet-magazine.com)	(13)
		Colts' Dwight Freeney finally gets first preseason sack ... his financial advisors  (miamiherald.com)	(4)

		Billionaire trolls Australian media to help get political party elected  (abc.net.au)	(15)
		Facebook may be bad for people with low self esteems. Also for people with half a brain, social lives, jobs, healthy interests, or the ability to communicate verbally on even a barely functional level. Don't forget to feed your pigs  (npr.org)	(53)
		Young white male hipsters in Brooklyn claim NYPD uses racial profiling against them when determining who to stop and frisk. "I had a bright pink shirt on that day. I was an easy target"  (nydailynews.com)	(73)
		Shampoo commercial featuring Adolf Hitler draws outrage. "Mein herr .... is so soft and silky"  (myfoxdc.com)	(109)

It's official: The Hunger Games has beaten Twilight at the box office and proven itself to be the better franchise in many ways. TEAM NO SPARKLY VAMPIRES  (deadline.com)

(158)

(Some Guy)		Idaho politicians vote to repeal law allowing towns to set speed limits on state highways after the obvious happened  (magicvalley.com)	(61)
		Sixty-seven books every geek should read to their kids. I see that crappy one that's had a special place in your heart since childhood didn't make the cut though  (wired.com)	(169)
		Live: Canada's Official Opposition is holding a leadership convention, and a series of high-stakes ballots are ahead to select its new leader (American readers: this is like Super Tuesday combined with a brokered convention, all on one day)  (cbc.ca)	(212)
		South Carolina high schools to make bass fishing an official sport. Finally, an activity for the master baiter  (foxnews.com)	(25)

Just because you say your beer is approved by NASA doesn't mean the National Association of the Sellers of Alcohol are rocket scientists  (stuff.co.nz)

(11)

		Restaurant decides that the Groupon discounts are too good of a deal for customers, so they pull the old 'special menu' trick  (consumerist.com)	(129)
		Remember how Wall Street abandoned President Obama because of his "class warfare" and Nazisocialism? Yeah, no they didn't. They always back the winner  (bloomberg.com)	(50)

		While only giving your children bottled water may prevent Obama from controlling their minds through the neuro-socialist transmitters contained within fluoride, it can also make them more susceptible to cavities. Ah, well, life's a balance  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com)	(133)
		Chicago lawmaker caught on tape by the FBI accepting a bribe, still wins his party's primary with 76% of the vote. Officials say this being Chicago, the bribery charged may actually have helped him  (news.yahoo.com)	(45)
		Made for Fark headline: "Menacing-looking artificial vaginas now sold at Walgreens"  (now.msn.com)	(176)

		Will Santorum be awash in defeat? Will Romney sweep the state? Will voters remember Gingrich and the other guy? It's your official Illinois Primary discussion thread. No word on who the dead will vote for  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(200)
		According to an estimate by Congress' official tax analysts, the "Buffett rule" tax on the rich would raise just $31b over 11 years. Or something like just another Tuesday of the defense budget  (washingtonpost.com)	(224)
		Stage one of our plan to launch Ashton Kutcher into the sun is officially a go, thanks to Virgin Galactic  (uproxx.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)		"It's official guys. I'm a Miami Dolphin. Couldn't be happier". No not him. Or him. Or..Wait, who?  (940winz.com)	(73)
		Elle MacPherson explains why she's an Obama supporter: "I'm socialist, what do you expect?"  (nation.foxnews.com)	(230)

		Tonight on a Very Special Episode of WWE Monday Night Raw, CM Punk will finally sort out his feelings about his alcoholic father, but not until after Chris Jericho drags poor Francis Punk's coffin away behind the Bluesmobile. 9 PM on USA  (bleacherreport.com)	(1582)
		New scenes from the upcoming Men In Black movie. Wow, those are some amazing special effects. I totally believe they are aliens  (stuff.co.nz)	(36)
		ObamaCare saved nearly 4-million seniors $2.16-billion in prescription medication costs last year. Praise be to Socialism  (yourlife.usatoday.com)	(193)
		More and more senior citizens are using reverse mortgages for financial survival. What could go wrong?  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)	(52)

		Any statisticians care to figure out the probability of this happening?  (stuff.co.nz)	(87)
		Rose McGowan attempts the old "low cut dress to distract from botched facial plastic surgery" trick  (dailymail.co.uk)	(98)
		Your GPS is not always right, especially if it tells you to drive into the Pacific Ocean  (gma.yahoo.com)	(78)

GOP in 2009: "Obama's auto industry bailouts are socialism" GOP in 2010: "Obama's auto industry bailouts are a huge failure" GOP in 2012: "Why is Obama taking credit for bailing out the auto industry?"  (mlive.com)

(224)

		Ice Cube comments on that special bond between Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill: "White men love bromances, man. They are very into it. God bless 'em"  (wwtdd.com)	(77)
(Elliot Wave International)		Elliot Wave International compares FARK's non sequitur headlines to the reporting by the financial news media (3rd section)  (elliottwave.com)	(0)
		Your NCAA bracket is officially Norfolk'd  (scores.espn.go.com)	(58)
		Cute special education teacher makes two teens feel VERY special (w/mugshot)  (kxan.com)	(186)

		Bruce Springsteen gives keynote speech to young musicians at SXSW. Lesson 1: begin all your songs with a 7 minute monologue about growing up with a dad who didn't understand you or your dreams then scream HUH-WUN TOO THEEE FAAWWWW  (cbsnews.com)	(69)
		"It's official: Mitt Romney is a bigger loser than John Kerry" (sponsored link)  (indecisionforever.com)	(145)
		Musician pulls no strings, easily covers "Rolling in the Deep" on Chinese zither  (youtube.com)	(12)
		Kate Upton's latest TV commercial featuring "an erect nipple" banned from US television. Ratings-starved HBO immediately offers to develop it into a six week mini-series  (dailymail.co.uk)	(203)

(Some Angry Badger)		The Wisconsin State Legislative Circus and Funhouse continues their special brand of derp and awe. Today's subject: contraception. "Sexuality amongst youth isn't a right, it's a crime in the state of Wisconsin"  (wcmcoop.com)	(257)
		As more and more people are selling off their diamond jewelry, the industry worries that a flood of "recycled" diamonds may cause severe drops in the artificially inflated prices they sell their shiny rocks for  (news.yahoo.com)	(218)
		Derrick Rose criticizes NBA officials: "I've got to be the only superstar in the league that's going through what I'm going through right now." NBA officials to Derrick Rose: That will be $25,000  (nba.com)	(85)
		Ahmadinejad now knows what it's like to be a US politician  (washingtonpost.com)	(98)

		If you live in Falciano del Massico and thinking about dying, forget about it  (usnews.com)	(13)
		Oregon physician behind Death With Dignity law dies with dignity  (komonews.com)	(41)

		The reality TV phenomenon has officially jumped the shark now that Hollywood may develop a show about a seven-year-old boy with leukemia looking for a bone-marrow donor  (nypost.com)	(46)
		Toronto goalie surprised to discover that Claude Giroux is a magician  (youtube.com)	(23)
(The American Interest)		Liberals have been running Detroit for decades. How's that working out for them? "It's hard to think of many social experiments that have more disastrously failed"   (blogs.the-american-interest.com)	(404)
		Would you be willing to use a bank that would waive all its bank fees, but in exchange you had to watch a commercial every time you wanted to use one of its ATMs?  (couriermail.com.au)	(69)

The best used car television commercial in the history of ever  (youtube.com)

(44)

The Romneybot 2012 is excellent for processing data, but his image processing and facial recognition features are lacking  (nytimes.com)

(56)

		Violin strings made from spider silk make different sounds, especially after the musician's hands get caught and the spider emerges from the instrument to feed  (bbc.co.uk)	(30)
(Some Guy)		School officials facing suspension, spankings after porn links show up on school's Twitter feed  (wwnytv.com)	(12)
		Spring Break 2012 officially kicks off at Daytona Beach  (orlandosentinel.com)	(13)
		According to record companies and the RIAA, file sharing has been the big villain in ripping off musicians, preventing them from being paid their deserved royalties while the record companies have been perfect angels... Yeah, well, about that  (rollingstone.com)	(47)
		It takes a very special kind of stupid to get run over by your own car  (wptv.com)	(44)
		Player to recruit via Twitter: "Dude, congrats. Welcome to Michigan" NCAA: "Congratulatory message sent via social networking? Rules violation. Investigation to follow"  (msn.foxsports.com)	(25)
		You know how RON PAUL says that he favors abolishing the CIA in order to protect individual freedom? Yeah, about that  (thenation.com)	(87)
(Post-Gazette)		University study entitled "Censorship and Deletion Practices in Chinese Social Media" narrows down a list of 295 words that will get your message deleted in China including Falun Gong, brainwash, and iodized salt  (post-gazette.com)	(33)

(Some Guy)		Montana gubernatorial candidate once hung out on a yacht full of hookers. Not a rumor, it's from his official bio  (mtcowgirl.com)	(23)
(Cyborg Foodie)		There's nothing like a fresh guacamole salad to start off a good meal. Especially one made with hand grenades, baseballs and pincushions. Mmm, Mmm, good  (entertainment.gather.com)	(10)
		Officials searching San Francisco bay for crashed Klingon war bird  (abcnews.go.com)	(70)
		Politician goes undercover to get insight on how to better help the homeless- wait, are we sure he's actually a politician?  (news.yahoo.com)	(43)
		Kazakhstan's Kostanay regional festival of skiing has its own very special version of the Rick Roll...with a whole different Rick  (thesun.co.uk)	(8)
		Los Angeles high school under lockdown after racially-motivated brawl involving thirty students that left four injured and two under arrest, or as we use to call it at my alma mater, "recess"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(70)
(Some Guy)		MLB team owner overheard saying that politicians that approved public funding of his new stadium "aren't the intellectual cream of the crop", which is both embarrassing and embarrassingly true  (940winz.com)	(10)
(Some rubber duck)		File under "Now why didn't I think of that". OU student installs hot tub in dorm room. Not too surprisingly school officials aren't pleased. Claims of homework for his anatomy & human sexuality classes fall on deaf ears  (wcpo.com)	(62)
(Some Guy)		Getting a ticket for using a cell phone while driving sucks...especially when you don't even own or use a cell phone  (globalwinnipeg.com)	(117)
		If all truly tolerant Americans do not speak out against the liberals' claim for a special place for the liberal faith in America and vote against the politicians who support this new America, then America will end up being a sharia state  (americanthinker.com)	(171)

		Video surfaces of Obama making a racially charged speech in college  (talkingpointsmemo.com)	(866)
		Romney mocks Obama's focus on renewable energy, saying "you can't drive a car with a windmill on it." Especially when most of your car's roof space is already occupied by your dog  (news.yahoo.com)	(172)
		Old-and-busted: Politicians stuffing rallies with paid supporters. New hotness: Politicians paying supporters to click on their YouTube videos  (latimes.com)	(25)
		Now that Peyton Manning is on his way out, the good people of Indiana can focus their attention on what really matters: Naming an official state rifle  (indystar.com)	(30)
		When you hear "unscheduled performance" you usually think of a guest musician coming on stage to jam with the band. But in Danbury, CT it means two homeless people coming on stage to jam with each other  (ctpost.com)	(29)
		New commercial for Playstation's MLB 2012 shows what it would be like in Chicago if the Cubs won the World Series. It's probably the greatest Cubs troll ever  (sports.yahoo.com)	(67)
		University of Chicago students and school officials look for cause of exploding toilets, but admit that right now they've got nothing to go on  (upi.com)	(36)

		In a world ... in which movie trailers are narrated only by baritones ... can a new voice find success? Especially if that voice belongs to *record scratch* a woman?  (bbc.co.uk)	(77)
		Deep divides amongst leaders over religion, middle-eastern strategy, and social issues including the use of women in the battlefield has splintered once powerful group. And in other news, the Pakistani Taliban is also facing major problems  (upi.com)	(28)
		"Driving and facebooking is not safe! Haha," especially at night at 80 mph, prophetic teen learns  (dailymail.co.uk)	(186)

(Some Guy)		Scientists develop robotic fish to "steer fish away" from danger. Commercial fishermen seem strangely interested  (trebuchet-magazine.com)	(17)
(Some Concerned Friend)		Alice_Liddell is undergoing radiation and chemo after having a large brain tumor removed. Fark brain tumors Please donate to her team w/the American Brain Tumor Association, then pray for her or send her good mojo or whatever it is that you do  (hope.abta.org)	(178)

		Municipal judge banned from speaking to employees after six of her judicial colleagues accuse her of being "very mentally ill," as opposed to just slightly mentally ill which would be totally acceptable  (toledoblade.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)		Gov. Hickenlooper Blooper: "Hey kids, I'd like to introduce the Lt. Governor, and rising sex star, Joe Garcia." Whoops  (940winz.com)	(24)

(Some Guy)

Tea Party under attack from (a) Dem. politicians (b) Left wing bloggers (c) The IRS  (mega949.com)

(74)

(Great Falls Tribune)		It's not a good idea to send an e-mail implying Barack Obama's mother was so drunk she could've had sex with a dog the night she conceived him. Especially if you're a US district court judge sending it from chambers  (greatfallstribune.com)	(111)
		It's not just the middle class that are suffering in the recession. The decline in bonuses have Wall Street feeling the heat financially and emotionally. "People who don't have money don't understand the stress"  (bloomberg.com)	(143)
(Jacksonville Daily News)		Drinking and smoking turns out to be bad for health. Especially if you're drinking gasoline  (jdnews.com)	(49)

		F**k S**t Robotic word association using four letter words. Rob Seward explores the relationship between words, technology, and brain activity with "four letter words." But it all leans towards the rather profane and dark  (humansinvent.com)	(5)
		The GOP never learned the lesson to plan ahead, and that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail, especially when it comes to using a calendar to schedule debates  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(47)
(Some iGeek)		Realistic version of Apple's Siri rock god commercial (Not safe for work)  (9to5mac.com)	(23)
		Florida state lawmaker Jimmie Smith (R), says state employees should be subjected to drug testing, but asking politicians to do the same would violate their special, God-given, constitutional rights  (huffingtonpost.com)	(137)

		It's okay to be convicted of three felony counts of voter fraud if you're the Republican Secretary of State and chief election official of Indiana  (salon.com)	(61)
		Rick Santorum: the recession was caused not by a housing bubble, but by high gas prices. Maybe he should just stick to social issues   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(238)
		Had enough fat-cat politicians? "Hank" is running for US Senator, and he is a real cat  (washingtonpost.com)	(45)
		Murdoch newspaper found to be illegally paying corrupt officials. The Sun is there  (rawstory.com)	(57)

Will Billy Crystal bring dignity and humor back to The Oscars? Will The Artist silently dominate? What will Ben Stiller dress up as this year? It's your Official Academy Awards Discussion Thread, 7:30 PM on ABC  (ew.com)

(2376)

(Longt Island Press)		It's always special when a Southwest pilot takes the time to announce a passenger's birthday. In fact, some would say it's the bomb  (longislandpress.com)	(63)
		It's NASCAR It's Nationwide It's Danica sitting on a pole It's your Drive4COPD 300 official race thread 1 p.m. ET Saturday, ESPN  (espn.go.com)	(138)
(Some Guy)		Strep Throat may cause OCD in children, which is especially painfully when they have to swallow 10 times in a row so their mothers won't be eaten by tigers   (todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(25)

		People think you're a rich, out-of-touch politician who can't connect with the middle class. Do you: (c) brag that your wife drives "a couple of Cadillacs"?  (buzzfeed.com)	(355)
(ScienceMag)		"Physics is hard" -- mathematicians  (news.sciencemag.org)	(93)
		When a 14-year-old girl finds you naked and bent over in her pantry looking for a bottle of spiced rum, you're either in a Captain Morgan commercial or Florida  (wptv.com)	(48)
		Sofia Vergara's first Pepsi commercial ... at age 17  (youtube.com)	(82)
(Some Guy)		Werewolf girl says she's proud to be special, looks forward to leading her high school basketball team to victory   (todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(62)
		"Jon Huntsman calls for third party" Uh, how about America First Party, American Party, American Populist Party, American Socialist Party, American Third Position Party, or the America's Party. And that's just the A's Jon  (rawstory.com)	(189)

		Photographer chronicles the locales of famous musicians' deaths, but fails to include site of Spinal Tap drummer John "Stumpy" Pepys' fatal gardening accident which remains, at authorities' behest, unsolved  (wired.com)	(20)
(Some Left Turn)		Go straight turn left on a Thursday? This is the official NASCAR Duel At Daytona discussion thread. 2pm Eastern 11 Pacific on Speed  (sbnation.com)	(421)
(Some Guy)		Grandmother earns special place in hell for running her nine-year-old granddaughter to death for eating candy bars. Stepmom watches  (gadsdentimes.com)	(180)
(Tucson Citizen)		Outside the debate, there were vendors, local campaign folk, a crackpot who claimed to be ex-CIA, and protestors fighting over who has the best reason to hate Romney. Still saner than inside  (tucsoncitizen.com)	(4)

		The Mormon v. The Catholic. The Big Baby v. The Big Crazy. It's YOUR official Arizona GOP debate thread. 8:00 EST, CNN  (cnn.com)	(1478)
		I don't know what's worse: An elected official joking about putting Obama in jail, or the fact that he freely admits he ripped the joke off from Jay Leno  (daytondailynews.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		Man found dead at Amtrak station. Officials investigating whether he was hit by train, or just died waiting  (mega949.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)		The world's strangest beer commercials, including beer for kids, a man being killed by a harpoon, and Van Damme sporting a remarkable mullet while discussing his talking nipples  (marketingmag.com.au)	(15)
		15,000 die on Indian railways every year because the toilets on the trains just empty onto the rails, corroding them to the point of breaking. Indian officials charged with not keeping track  (independent.co.uk)	(119)
		Some politicians can maintain their dignity while cradling a fat cock. Others, not so much  (life.time.com)	(29)

		It's generally considered to be tacky to talk about the perkiness of your wife's breasts with her best friend. Especially at your wife's funeral  (couriermail.com.au)	(104)
		Messi made a mess of Valencia's defense by scoring four goals  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(14)

(Poor Zack)		Rose petals blow lightly in the breeze as tears fall one by one to the canvas. A man sits sadly in the friend zone. Will he remain forever alone? Find out on a very special edition of Raw, tonight at 9 on USA  (wwe.com)	(lots)
(naplesnews.com)		Man arrested at Florida bank claims he's CIA director, half orangutan  (naplesnews.com)	(21)
(MIT)		Radio-controlled implantable chip will dispense medication whenever the CIA... I mean, whenever you need it  (web.mit.edu)	(7)
(Some Guy)		The US has four major intel services: The CIA which monitors foreign activity, The FBI which monitors domestic threats, the NSA which handles electronic surveillance and the NYPD which seems to be able to do whatever the hell it wants  (kens5.com)	(82)
		Inventor of e-mail honored by Smithsonian. Was given special presentation at gala luncheon featuring seafood, poultry, Spam  (washingtonpost.com)	(15)

(Some Guy)

Columnist believes that a My Little Pony episode was a thinly veiled metaphor for teaching children to appreciate waiting for high quality Apple products  (gottabemobile.com)

(106)

		Time to reset the ticker on Days Since Last Republican Politician Outted, complete with hypocritical choice in lovers   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(250)
		Obama has forced so much socialism onto GM that they're actually giving their workers bonuses  (msnbc.msn.com)	(97)

(Some Guy)		Flashing strange men at bars for beer money is no way to go through life, ladies. Especially when it leads to knife fights. (with "Oh, HELL no" mugshot goodness)  (abc-7.com)	(72)
		Starting tomorrow you will be able to use a pseudonym on Facebook, provided you upload your drivers license, birth certificate and social security card  (zdnet.com)	(32)

		In million-dollar deal to save school district, lucky Texas kids now ride "The Chick-Fil-A Bus" to school, where Social Studies has been replaced by Commerce Studies. Just kidding, they sold out for $40k/year  (nytimes.com)	(97)
		Actor Neil Hope, who played Derek "Wheels" Wheeler on Degrassi, died in 2007, but nobody released any official word until now  (cbc.ca)	(50)
		One in ten US kids is being raised by a drunk. This is great news for police, social workers, and anybody else whose job security depends on an endless supply of idiots with active reproductive systems. Not so great for kids, though  (health.usnews.com)	(173)
		The Cleveland Cavaliers recorded a special Valentine's Day message for their fans and...well, they sing almost as well as they play basketball  (youtube.com)	(11)
(Some Rich Guy)		Website helps you find your "sugar daddy" for financial help in paying for your college degree. What could possibly be wrong about this?  (miami.cbslocal.com)	(147)

		From the Department of Everyone Loses: Santorum compares his social issues beef with Romney like "Ryan Seacrest going toe to toe with Mike Tyson"  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(45)
		The future of gaming is definitely social networking. Just look at the success story of Zynga, which lost $400 million in 2011  (joystiq.com)	(68)
(WBIR)		Environmental officials try to determine why crude oil is spontaneously seeping out of the ground on Tennessee man's farm, suspect that he may have been shootin' at some food  (wbir.com)	(32)

		Whitney Houston's Sister-in-law creates a special $65 candle to quickly cash in on the death of the singer, erm, excuse me, to "Honor her memory"  (abcnews.go.com)	(52)
		"No, your honor. It's just a social club. That hangs out in the woods. With high powered rifles. And camouflage fatigues. And talks about violently overthrowing the government. An ordinary social club"  (cbsnews.com)	(276)
		Electric cars prolong a destructive, car-centric lifestyle. And help you pick up socially conscious women. But at least feel guilty about it, OK?  (csmonitor.com)	(234)
		I-Mockery's annual Valentine's Day card collection. The perfect gift for that special someone you love to hate  (i-mockery.com)	(30)
		"Sarah Palin Is The Most Powerful Female Politician In The World" Pretty loose definition of powerful you got there  (news.yahoo.com)	(122)

		Alison Krauss now has the most Grammys of any living musician (28) after winning two last night. In other news, Taylor Swift was chosen as the showcase country performance for some reason  (telegraph.co.uk)	(111)
		Trading crack for a lapdance, yelling racial slurs, assaulting police, spitting blood, and beating your own head into unconsciousness inside the police car is no way to go through life, son  (statesman.com)	(64)
		First official trailer for "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". Abe is kicking ass and taking heads  (youtube.com)	(98)
(Some Guy)		An adult novelty store is not the best place to forget your wallet. Especially when you just pulled out your pistol there  (kens5.com)	(24)

		Will Adele be rolling in the awards? Will Katy Perry light up the night like a firework? How will Whitney Houston be memorialized? It's your official 54th Annual Grammy Awards discussion thread (8PM ET on CBS)  (ew.com)	(too many)
		Drifting requires special skills  (youtube.com)	(33)

		Totally cool picture, totally bizarre "journalism:" "It's a sight of San Francisco fortunate to today's residents to have yet to be seen again, especially from the eyes of a simple high-flying kite"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(58)
		Five reporters at a Newcorp owned newspaper arrested over bribing public officials. The Sun will be there once it gets bail money  (bbc.co.uk)	(28)
		Will Mitt Romney's faux New England patrician credentials be enough to hold off the Paulistians in the deep woods of Maine? Is anyone still paying attention to this circus? It's your Maine Caucus thread  (guardian.co.uk)	(217)
		"Star Trek: The Original Series is the one time Hollywood got conservative ideas right." Yeah, pretty sure Republicans weren't too happy about the interracial kiss or sparing the Halkans  (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(186)
		Republican endorses Gabrielle Giffords' aide to fill her seat in Special Election, suggests the other Republicans drop their candidacies  (azstarnet.com)	(71)
(bad jocks)		High school coaching 101: Pulling down the warm up pants of your basketball players is not a good practical joke. Especially if they're female. Especially if they're not wearing their shorts  (badjocks.com)	(33)

		Anonymous ends the week by bringing down the CIA webpage. *golf clap*  (pcmag.com)	(99)
		As the money from the Foreclosure settlement is dispersed to the states, homeowners across the country can expect to see some financial relief at last...unless you live in Wisconsin  (thinkprogress.org)	(138)
		Microbiologist says our ignorance on role of microbes in oceans, global warming future, leads to HUGE RISKS, and calls for more research to identify and reduce HUGE RISKS caused by our ignorance of the HUGH RISKS associated with AGW HUGE RISKS  (sciencedaily.com)	(131)
(Some Guy)		Kathleen Kit is officially the most old school Nintendo gamer of all time...no seriously, she's 100 years old  (gizmowatch.com)	(12)
		According to the scienticians at Philly's leading newspaper, younger women who like guys with money and older men who like younger women can now meet on the internet  (philly.com)	(24)
		Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-aking it in), chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, is being investigated for insider trading. If only there were some kind of governmental oversight for this kind of thing  (washingtonpost.com)	(45)
		Mechanic gives Chevy Impala the $2255.99 oil change special  (liveleak.com)	(65)
		According to the United States Census Bureau, when a child is being watched by his father, that's a special "child care arrangement." When the mother is in responsible, that's the way God intended   (parenting.blogs.nytimes.com)	(175)

		Rick Santorum isn't the only politician with a surging Google problem  (latimes.com)	(121)
		Bank of England announces the failure of conservative financial austerity by firing up the printing presses  (cnbc.com)	(37)
		Like a typical politician, Obama wants to be reelected, raise money AND make clear policy distinctions with his opposition. How droll, how uncouth, how offensive to sensibilities of our cherished political punditry. Have you no shame sir?  (politico.com)	(45)

		Indonesian train officials have an innovative new way of keeping 'rail surfers' off the roofs of their trains: swat them with brooms drenched in putrid smelly goop  (telegraph.co.uk)	(175)
(Nine MSN)		Courtney Stodden's new casual commercial video looks pretty fishy  (celebrities.ninemsn.com.au)	(85)
(The Hindu)		TV cameramen zoom in to bust a politician in session watching porn on his cell phone. He claims in a press conference since the House was discussing rave parties at the time, he was just studying an example of 4 women dancing, being gang-raped  (thehindu.com)	(60)

		Mitt Romney blasts the ruling overturning Proposition 8. Not because of the social issues at stake, but because he wasted all that money getting it passed in the first place   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(311)
		Canada now officially endorses torture. This is neither a Celine Dion nor Nickelback joke  (cbc.ca)	(257)
		Consumer officials warn about online dating scams. Wait, you mean she isn't a Canadian supermodel who loves World of Warcraft?  (wrcbtv.com)	(112)
		Heroes: How elite special forces armed to their teeth busted into Kim Dotcom's family mansion to capture two kids, one baby, two Filipino nannies, a woman and one clumsy meganerd  (gizmodo.com)	(53)
(Some Guy)		Since it is now technically the pre-season, here is your official 2012 NFL Power Rankings  (cbssports.com)	(207)
		Will Santorum surge sap Romney's momentum? Will Gingrich give up and move on to a younger, more attractive state? And what the hell is up with RON PAUL? It's your official Minnesota caucus thread  (businessweek.com)	(30)
		Thanks to angry mathematicians, Elsevier's publishing model might be about to go up in smoke  (forbes.com)	(79)
(Prop8trialtracker)		Will gays be allowed to marry? Can gays legally preside over gay marriage trials? Do proponents of propositions have Federal standing? It's your official 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Prop. 8 thread (Ruling expected 10 am PST)  (prop8trialtracker.com)	(189)

		Herbicide 'Atrazine' associated with birth defects, low birth weights, and menstrual problems in humans. Study leads to instant ban. Just kidding, it's still the second-most commonly used herbicide in the US  (io9.com)	(33)
		Honestly officer, my daughter with cerebral palsy said I could take 40 grand from her special needs account so my son and I could buy trucks  (wptv.com)	(52)
		Student in trouble for using Old Spice deodorant spray flamethrower to set special ed student on fi...wait, they still have spray deodorant?  (wtsp.com)	(118)
		Michele Bachmann sees GOP race ending soon. Also sees evil socialist leprauchans sneaking into your children's bedrooms at night to give them HPV vaccines and free healthcare  (bloomberg.com)	(28)

		Remember how Obama said that US drone attacks have "not caused a huge number of civilian casualties?" Yeah, turns out they've been targeting rescuers at the scenes of previous attacks. And firing on mourners at funerals  (salon.com)	(449)
		The Giants official website congratulates the Giants on winning the Super Bowl, before the game is played  (espn.go.com)	(48)
		Porcupine picks the winner of the Super Bowl, ensuring Tom Brady isn't the only big prick associated with the game  (mnn.com)	(17)

		Will Romney score back-to-back victories? Will the Sinful State forgive Newt's angry womanizing? Will there be another Santorum surge? And what about RON PAUL? It's your official Nevada Republican caucus thread  (reuters.com)	(320)
		This is what 1980s Ferris thinks of 2012 Ferris' Honda Super Bowl commercial  (iheartchaos.com)	(38)

		Six of the biggest and most elaborate F*CK YOUs given to the music industry by musicians  (cracked.com)	(83)
(Some Guy)		Added to the list of words you never want associated are "Gingrich" and "trampoline"  (thegrio.com)	(89)
		Step 1: begin copying photos from a woman's Facebook page and blog, step 2: setup social media accounts and new blog under a new name and post them for months, step 3: profit?  (wral.com)	(111)
		College student gives up cell phone and all social media for three months--and actually survives to tell the tale  (chicagotribune.com)	(51)
(Some Guy)		When you buy a hotdog near the Super Bowl over the next few days, you will be buying from an unofficial undercover Homeland Security Agent  (infowars.com)	(110)
		10 examples of politicians trying to be funny. Complete with cringe-inducing videos. Tumbleweeds missing though  (shortlist.com)	(23)
		After Super Bowl sound check, Madonna now in great shape, ready to play on NY Giants' special teams  (msn.foxsports.com)	(39)
(Wait, what?)		Advice: If you are Muslim, or even have a Muslim sounding name, don't text your co-workers and tell them to "Blow away" the competition. Fark: Especially if you are in Quebec  (thechronicleherald.ca)	(54)
(Some Shoggoth)		Group of scientists searching the Antarctic for a lake buried for tens of millions of years suddenly stop responding to colleagues, Miskatonic officials  (globalpost.com)	(311)
(Popoholic)		Adriana Lima featured in an onslaught of Super Bowl 2012 commercials  (popoholic.com)	(30)

		Don't expect to see Courtney Love on ASPCA commercials anytime soon  (spinner.com)	(39)
		Worst job in Science: These physicians injected an average of 20.5 cc using "a back-and-forth technique" into the deep soft tissue layers of the penises of 50 men. The product was then 'homogenized with a roller.'  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)	(82)
		Susan G. Komen Foundation's top public health official resigns over new anti-Planned Parenthood policy  (theatlantic.com)	(777)
		Another one of those touching Thai life insurance commercials. What a drag  (break.com)	(42)
		Screenplay of the Robocop remake to be written by the guy who wrote Gran Torino, contain nothing but racial slurs  (avclub.com)	(52)
		Angela Merkel to China: "Europe is making fiscal progress." Progress towards financial apocalypse, but progress nonetheless  (marketwatch.com)	(4)
		IPhone commercial which is off the hook, but will never air (langauge Not safe for work)  (youtube.com)	(28)
		The unofficial video for Bill Maher's "Irritable Bowl Syndrome" (language not safe for work)  (theatlantic.com)	(48)

		Tiny amount of radiation 'could have' leaked from nuclear power plant but there's absolutely nothing to worry about, say officials in Japan. Oops, I mean California  (mercurynews.com)	(101)
		The FBI likes to intimidate suspects by using a chainsaw to go through apartment doors, a technique that's especially intimidating when they saw through the wrong door  (thedailybeast.com)	(208)
		Teacher suspended for putting hot sauce on crayons to keep the special ed kids from eating them  (wftv.com)	(228)
		Holding it in your mouth for a while before spitting could be beneficial. At least that's what Shi said  (cbsnews.com)	(21)
		Worried that America will embrace socialized medicine? Too late...it's already here  (slate.com)	(106)
		After 20 years of drilling, scientists have almost reached a subglacial lake in Antarctica that hasn't seen daylight in 20 million years. Which means great scientific advances or the release of an unstoppable evil from its tomb, hard to say  (washingtonpost.com)	(124)
(news junkie post)		News Junkie Post: "Social news sites like FARK are places to post and discuss the latest headlines. They are the primary focal point for activism". (2nd section)  (newsjunkiepost.com)	(0)
		Backlash: Osama Bin Laden death photos may be released after all. Judicial Watch has sued for release of the materials under Freedom of Information Law, and they apparently have a case  (nydailynews.com)	(237)

		Recipe for fun: downtown Des Moines Marriott to be shared for a week by just two groups---Chinese government officials and high school wrestlers in town for the state high school wrestling tournament   (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)	(49)
		The polls are now open in America's Derpiest State. Here's your official FL Primary thread  (tampabay.com)	(143)
		Top Obama campaign official David Axelrod tweets picture of the President with his dog in the presidential limousine in a jab at Romney: "How loving owners transport their dogs"  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(115)

		I know it sounds a corny and a bit nutty, but scientists have developed a special type of bacteria that changes the color of human excrement to let them know exactly what ails you  (dailymail.co.uk)	(53)
		Special ed teacher, who had sex with one student and performed oral sex on six others, to serve only 60 days. Guess the gender and level of attractiveness (pic)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(181)

Aviation experts warn: don't try to launch your own half-assed "experiments" into space, they could bring down commercial aircrafts  (thestar.com)

(141)

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