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Headlines matching 'CHI'
Sat February 11, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(MSNBC) Strange China to ban names that signal 'orphan' status. Example - Tossy McBaby  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (34)
(bad jocks) Dumbass High school coaching 101: Pulling down the warm up pants of your basketball players is not a good practical joke. Especially if they're female. Especially if they're not wearing their shorts  (badjocks.com) (30)
(NYPost) Dumbass Accused child rapist Sandusky: "Everyone's turned on me." Hmm, maybe that's because you're an ACCUSED CHILD RAPIST  (nypost.com) (73)


Fri February 10, 2012
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Weepy eyes, hot chix, Jersey Shore Ronnie and a guy with mini fishing reels stuck in his beard. It's all there in this week's mugshot roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (118)
(NPR) Obvious Despite their efforts to convince you otherwise, many "foodies" can't, in a blind taste test, tell white wine from red, pate from dog food, or that the chips they're eating are soggy if you make crunching sounds in their ears  (npr.org) (286)
(Some Guy) Amusing Chachi plans to write tell-all book about every starlet he made 'sit on it'  (guyspeed.com) (60)
(The Local (Germany)) Followup Artist awarded $2500 for lost French fries after using high priced lawyer, a few bargaining chips  (thelocal.de) (4)
(TechEBlog) Cool Smart chimp solves complex memory puzzles in 60-milliseconds, might be Caesar from Planet of the Apes  (techeblog.com) (11)
(My Fox DC) Asinine Man arrested for felony domestic violence for putting a 3-year-old child in a clothes dryer for punishment. (w/pic of cretin who looks like he went through the dryer himself)  (myfoxdc.com) (51)
(AZCentral) Stupid Charles Barkley is unhappy with the decision to make Steve Nash the oldest point guard ever to play in the NBA All-Star game. "Clearly, we gave him a lifetime achievement award"  (azcentral.com) (23)
(The New York Times) Obvious According to the United States Census Bureau, when a child is being watched by his father, that's a special "child care arrangement." When the mother is in responsible, that's the way God intended   (parenting.blogs.nytimes.com) (175)


Thu February 09, 2012
(MSNBC) Fail Rhinoceros accidentally killed by conservationists during anti-poaching demo  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (110)
(Slate) Unlikely I think we already have a winner for Worst Business Metaphor of the Year: "In many ways, the Chipotle burrito is very similar to the iPhone"  (slate.com) (128)
(wptv.com) Florida An officer pulls you over after you stole $500 worth of jewelry. Do you a) Toss it out the window b) Go out guns blazing c) Hide it in that hot, delicious General Tso's chicken you just bought as a victory dinner (w/pic)  (wptv.com) (50)
(NYPost) Stupid New Jersey and nine other states given permission to leave a few children behind  (nypost.com) (119)
(USA Today) Stupid Toppling TVs have crushed four Chicago children since October, so clearly it's time to start putting warning labels on these Doom Tubes and maybe start requiring protective gear to watch them  (usatoday.com) (129)
(Digital Trends) Spiffy 32-megajoule railgun has been delivered to the Navy, is capable of launching a projectile with the force of a 64,000 lb truck travelling at 100MPH. No mention of how many Rhode Islands this translates into  (digitaltrends.com) (262)
(RedEye Chicago) Spiffy Red Eye Chicago grudgingly gives credit to FARK for the article showing they're in 2nd place in America's most miserable cities  (redeyechicago.com) (4)
(ESPN) Cool Late autumn expected in Michigan, Leafs will be blowing outside in January  (espn.go.com) (29)
(Bergen Record) Dumbass Protip: Dude, you're supposed to wait until you actually assume your teaching job before making sexytime chat with a twelve-year-old girl  (northjersey.com) (40)


Wed February 08, 2012
(SFGate) Strange Man barricades himself in apartment after concluding that someone stole and ate his chicken meal  (blog.sfgate.com) (33)
(Chicago Tribune) Fail Chicago learns the hard way that elementary school children can sneak gang symbols into contest artwork just like adults can  (chicagotribune.com) (153)
(Some Guy) Silly Chicago Tribune pulls "Doonesbury" strip for being too edgy and political. Oh wait, it just mentioned a charity that helps public schools  (dailycartoonist.com) (45)
(Washington Post) Spiffy "While Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum are making each other unelectable, the president is singing Al Green, congratulating Super Bowl winners, raising obscene amounts of campaign cash and watching his poll numbers soar"  (washingtonpost.com) (323)
(wistv.com) Cool Bank of America has achieved the pinnacle of capitalism. They can repossess your property, foreclose on your home, and now they can kill you without repercussion. Bow to your corporate overlords and pay tribute so that they may let you live  (wistv.com) (116)
(The Hindu) Unlikely TV cameramen zoom in to bust a politician in session watching porn on his cell phone. He claims in a press conference since the House was discussing rave parties at the time, he was just studying an example of 4 women dancing, being gang-raped  (thehindu.com) (60)


Tue February 07, 2012
(Some Guy) Unlikely In a study that was in no way influenced by Big Snack, potato chips have been found to be lower in sodium than sammich bread  (medicalxpress.com) (114)
(silive.com) Asinine Mom is suing New York City and Child Services for NINE HUNDRED TRILLION DOLLARS  (silive.com) (79)
(Talking Points Memo) Dumbass Republicans set to keep farking that Medicare chicken  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (117)
(Some Nerd) Fail Facebook seem a little slow today? Fark links seem more farked than usual? It's not just you, North America's intarwebs are only doing marginally better than China's right now  (internettrafficreport.com) (117)
(Politico) Asinine So just how bad was Pete Hoekstra's "yellow menace" Superbowl ad? Let's put it this way: John Pinnette's famous impression of a Chinese buffet owner was probably more culturally sensitive  (politico.com) (98)
(Fox News) Obvious The Flip-Flopper in Chief: "I am against Super PACs and the influence of big, anonymous money in elections, unless they're all for me"  (foxnews.com) (241)
(Mother Nature Network) Asinine I don't normally believe in conspiracy theories, but the Labrador retriever, the golden retriever, the dachshund, and the Chihuahua have never taken Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show  (mnn.com) (103)
(Some rural PA town) PSA Stuff college kids get from vending machines: Chips, soda, gum, Plan B, candy...wait, what?  (wtae.com) (59)
(NPR) Sad The man who tried to keep Challenger from launching that fateful morning has been reunited with the crew  (npr.org) (124)


Mon February 06, 2012
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this idle industrial machine  (inapcache.boston.com) (20)
(Short List) Cool Not the best, not the most popular, but the 50 coolest TV shows ever. Nobody made fun of you for watching these  (shortlist.com) (197)
(Bloomberg) Dumbass Michele Bachmann sees GOP race ending soon. Also sees evil socialist leprauchans sneaking into your children's bedrooms at night to give them HPV vaccines and free healthcare  (bloomberg.com) (28)
(Rolling Stone) Sad One town's war on children  (rollingstone.com) (676)
(News.com.au) Hero Three-year-old defeats claw machine, shares his victory with everyone else at the arcade  (news.com.au) (104)


Sun February 05, 2012
(Daily Kos) Asinine Republican Congressman walks out of Obama's prayer breakfast speech, offended that the President was quoting Jesus' teachings  (dailykos.com) (336)


Sat February 04, 2012
(Buzzfeed) Dumbass Mitt Romney: We are the only people who put their hand over our hearts during the national anthem. In other news, Chinese, South Africans, Brazilians, Ghanaians, Cubans, Mexicans, and Peruvians aren't people  (buzzfeed.com) (159)
(USA Today) Cool Presenting the chicken wing cupcake. You're welcome  (content.usatoday.com) (68)


Fri February 03, 2012
(Japan Times) Weird University hires top ninja chief as business-school professor, researching how to apply ninja precepts to business world  (japantimes.co.jp) (42)
(BBC) Asinine As you can see. A completely ordinary Greek debt. Now, if I just cover it with a handkerchief & say, "Abracadabra".... Hey presto All gone  (bbc.co.uk) (70)
(Marketwatch) Spiffy February is National Children's Dental Health Month, or as it's abbreviated in Mississippi ... February  (marketwatch.com) (23)
(Network World) Interesting Curt Schilling's 38 Studios proves that some games take even longer than baseball  (networkworld.com) (57)
(Slate) Amusing Protip: Whenever a news story ends with a question mark, the answer is always "no". Case in point: "Is Bill Belichick quietly the NFL's best-dressed coach?"  (slate.com) (21)
(WRCB-TV) Scary Rabid 900-pound cow attacks Georgia farmer. Okay, okay, we'll eat more chicken  (wrcbtv.com) (39)
(Some Shoggoth) Followup Group of scientists searching the Antarctic for a lake buried for tens of millions of years suddenly stop responding to colleagues, Miskatonic officials  (globalpost.com) (311)
(Click On Detroit) Interesting Employees at Detroit McDonald's locked in freezer after store robbery, enjoy the break from Michigan weather  (clickondetroit.com) (17)
(NHL) Cool Sam Gagner becomes only the 12th player in NHL history to have an 8 point game. Last player was Lemieux in 1989, the year Gagner was born  (nhl.com) (92)
(Huffington Post) Stupid Foundation offers psychic Sally Morgan $1,000,000 to prove that her psychic abilities are real. Sally Morgan instead threatens to sue them...WITH HER MIND  (huffingtonpost.com) (381)


Thu February 02, 2012
(The Superficial) PSA Brad Pitt gives soda to his children. More on this story as details come in  (thesuperficial.com) (43)
(Sum Gai) Obvious Chinese restaurant catches fire. Fortunately there were no injuries, as everyone had prepared for such an event by running around their cars at red lights  (woodtv.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Strange US Women's Soccer player Ella Masar opens up about the WPS "magicjack" team, including having to call the owner "Daddy" and the team having a chiropractor because he didn't believe in athletic trainers  (pitchsidereport.com) (36)
(Break) Sappy Another one of those touching Thai life insurance commercials. What a drag  (break.com) (42)
(CNSNews) Unlikely "The days of conservatives being punching bags are over," says Rep. Allen West, excitedly bobbing up and down  (cnsnews.com) (159)
(Marketwatch) Unlikely Angela Merkel to China: "Europe is making fiscal progress." Progress towards financial apocalypse, but progress nonetheless  (marketwatch.com) (4)
(Gizmodo) Hero Amazing archive of music about ot be available free. No funny here, just awesome  (gizmodo.com) (26)
(Some Rustled Cattle) Florida Florida's new red light cameras are catching video of interesting things besides red light runners. Like cattle rustlers. With video  (wtsp.com) (48)
(Slate) Stupid So, what happens if Obama wins a second term? "We will sentence [our children] to take the first step into 1,000 years of darkness." Welcome to Derpaggedon  (slate.com) (118)
(Telegraph) Fail "This deadly cold front is sponsored to you by BMW -- the ultimate driving machine"  (telegraph.co.uk) (8)
(UPI) Obvious American Airlines announces plans for bankruptcy reorganization, hopes to achieve delicate balance between angering customers and screwing employees  (upi.com) (9)
(YouTube) Spiffy Who said the xylophone wasn't cool? Not when it's being played by a hot chick, it isn't  (youtube.com) (56)
(MSNBC) Interesting Researchers say scratching feels better on certain parts of your body. Sounds like junk science to me  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com) (12)


Wed February 01, 2012
(Fark) FarkBlog Dinosaurs that can't hit a chip shot, a note from Epstein's mother, and the crisp, refreshing taste of donkey semen: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 1/22 - 1/28  (fark.com) (19)
(Wired) Strange So you want to join my credit card-fraud gang? How do I know you're not an undercover Fed? *WAKKA CHIKKA WAKKA CHIKKA*  (wired.com) (63)
(io9) Obvious You are biatching about the wrong things when you read an article about science  (io9.com) (16)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Followup Couple who used a Facebook poll to decide the name of their child gives birth to a girl. So welcome to Penisface Bieber Meske  (suntimes.com) (98)
(Yahoo) Amusing Michigan St. misses extra point, loses to Illinois 42-41 in shootout  (rivals.yahoo.com) (32)
(The Sun) Scary Zookeeper: "Now watch, children, as the barn owl majestically soars over the lion's head and OH MY GOD"  (thesun.co.uk) (178)


Tue January 31, 2012
(MSNBC) Florida Will Nice Hair pull out a big win? Will Angry Womanizer make it a race? Will anyone care how Old Anarchist or Jesus Loves Me fare? It's your Florida Republican Primary live results thread  (elections.msnbc.msn.com) (405)
(BBC) Interesting New tapes of the day JFK was shot were found back and to the left of the archive  (bbc.co.uk) (150)
(Bloomberg) PSA Economies of midwest states, particularly Michigan, Indiana, Ohio and Pennsylvania, have improved faster than the rest of the U.S. since 2009. Not that this fact has any particular relevance in this particular year  (bloomberg.com) (171)
(My Fox DC) Strange John thought he could casually walk into the supermarket, pour bleach on the chicken and pork, and slip out without anyone noticing. But something - SOMETHING - made him stand out (w/ mugshot goodness)  (myfoxdc.com) (120)
(CNN) Unlikely Why Boise State has problems recruiting blue chip players. Word "Idaho" strangely absent  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Amusing There's nothing quite like buying a car, taking it for a spin, picking up the ladies, and watching it roll down a hill into a brand new swimming pool  (heraldsun.com.au) (65)
(PhysOrg.com) Amusing PNAS study reveals Christian political beliefs not as firm as the foundation erected by Jesus' teachings. PNAS  (physorg.com) (42)
(Yahoo) Interesting IMF disavows knowledge of China's fiscal "hard landing"  (news.yahoo.com) (11)
(Pravda) Obvious Obama the chicken is being plucked  (english.pravda.ru) (79)
(Des Moines Register) Amusing Recipe for fun: downtown Des Moines Marriott to be shared for a week by just two groups---Chinese government officials and high school wrestlers in town for the state high school wrestling tournament   (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (49)
(Huffington Post) Obvious People aren't watching the Republican debates to learn about the issues - "It's like you're tuning in to a car race, you really want to see if there's a wreck"  (huffingtonpost.com) (66)
(Forbes) Interesting The Chinese are finally taking Glenn Beck's advice...which may or may not be right for you. But you owe it to yourself to check it out  (forbes.com) (105)
(Huffington Post) Ironic Obama passes on taking 18 of the 20 highest questions offered to him by voters via YouTube during recent Google hangout, but does address the pressing issues of dancing, gaming, and getting the late night munchies  (huffingtonpost.com) (145)


Mon January 30, 2012
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Man found passed out in SUV urinates on Chicago police station floor, insists his air piano performance sounded awesome. The percussive handcuffs really killed it  (chicagotribune.com) (11)
(AZCentral) Spiffy In Phoenix you can get a bacon-wrapped hot dog piled high with beans, mayonnaise, cheese, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, guacamole, salsa and jalapeño peppers. Your move, Chicago  (azcentral.com) (254)
(DailyFinance) Scary The list of America's 25 most dangerous neighborhoods. Chicago? NYC? Cincinnati laughs as it robs you at gunpoint  (dailyfinance.com) (281)
(YouTube) Video Cute chick can talk backwards. This is pretty ypeerc  (youtube.com) (66)
(Guardian) Obvious Now that they are done searching Megaupload's servers, can the Feds resist pushing the big red button? The jolly, candylike button?  (guardian.co.uk) (39)
(News.com.au) Weird From the "This Will Not End Well" Department: Scientists make human brain cells using the skin of schizophrenic patients  (news.com.au) (14)
(Washington Post) Obvious Rick Santorum: We need to cap medical malpractice awards to $250,000. World: Didn't you file a $500,000 malpractice suit against your wife's chiropractor in 1999? Santorum: That was different  (washingtonpost.com) (216)
(The Daily Caller) Interesting Sarah Palin endorses Rage Against The Machine  (dailycaller.com) (115)
(News.com.au) Sad American insurance company is branching out to act like dicks in the international market  (news.com.au) (75)


Sun January 29, 2012
(Yahoo) Obvious By the end of the game, a capacity crowd of 18,809 was singing, "We Don't Give A Damn For the Whole State of Michigan"  (rivals.yahoo.com) (30)
(AnnArbor.com) Fail And this month's Penn State award for delay in informing the authorities of child sexual exploitation and/or pornography goes to the University of Michigan  (annarbor.com) (231)
(Some Cool Guy) Cool The coolest snow structures you will see today. Just chill and enjoy  (mailonsunday.co.uk) (39)
(io9) Scary George Washington may have been America's first president, but was he nearly America's first zombie-in-chief?  (io9.com) (44)


Sat January 28, 2012
(Huffington Post) Unlikely Fran Drescher says aliens implanted microchip in her to help her find her future husband, berate Spinal Tap for album cover design  (huffingtonpost.com) (49)
(MSNBC) Strange CEO of Archie Comics banned from company offices by judge, Veronica and her rich father  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com) (33)
(CNN) Interesting Libyans face tough challenges in building a new nation, thanks in part to a crazy, wild-eyed scientist giving them nothing but shoddy casings filled with used pinball machine parts  (cnn.com) (24)
(MSNBC) Sappy A dying child, a rescued dog... Damn, it's dusty in here tonight  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (24)
(Popular Science) Cool Challenge: Off-the-grid, sustainable living and food production. Difficulty: In the middle of Chicago at an abandoned meat-packing plant  (popsci.com) (48)


Fri January 27, 2012
(ESPN) Interesting Browns hire Brad Childress as Offensive Coordinator, pending his notifying Cleveland residents of his moving to the neighborhood  (espn.go.com) (35)
(Short List) Interesting The history of Google. No searching necessary  (shortlist.com) (7)
(USA Today) Scary Ship-bridge collision leaves Kentucky driver with great story for his grandchildren  (usatoday.com) (28)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Lakers now ahead of the Knicks as the most valuable NBA franchise. Both teams now more valuable than the team in Utah, the state of Utah  (bloomberg.com) (4)
(Mental Floss) Interesting From a 16-year-old chicken to a 255-year-old tortoise, these pets lived way longer than most  (mentalfloss.com) (29)


Thu January 26, 2012
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Why did the chicken cross the road? LGT inspirational picture  (msnbcmedia4.msn.com) (42)
(RedEye Chicago) Fail Catholic university in Chicago apparently not happy with bizarre, baseball obliterates cartoon moon sports recruitment video they asked for  (redeyechicago.com) (88)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Strange film created by Jim Henson in 1963 for AT&T talking about how great 'computer machines' are  (itworld.com) (12)
(The Daily Beast) Followup This just in: Nice Hair is back in the lead over Angry Womanizer in Florida. As usual, Old Anarchist and Jesus Loves Me still in it for the free publicity  (thedailybeast.com) (53)
(JSOnline) Spiffy Rockwell reports 22% surge in net income, the feeling of people watching them  (jsonline.com) (15)
(UPI) Asinine Need government help with that deadbeat ex-husband of yours not paying child support? Yep, there's a fee for that  (upi.com) (14)
(The Sun) Sick Girl eats nothing but McDonald's chicken nuggets for 15 years, lives  (thesun.co.uk) (196)


Wed January 25, 2012
(Some Guy) Dumbass Couple steals 11 pregnancy tests, man's bond set at $400,000. If he thinks that's bad, wait until he sees the child support payments  (ktre.com) (49)
(Wired) Dumbass Newt thinks we should upload our firewalls and hack the internets against China and Russia  (wired.com) (129)
(Cultist) Amusing Not while Joe "Crouching Tiger" Lieberman is in office, he isn't  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (60)
(Uproxx) Hero "Where the Wild Things Are" author Maurice Sendak hates children. And he doesn't know who Vin Diesel is. God bless him  (uproxx.com) (61)
(First Coast News) Florida It's a case of who's creepier - the guy who ditched his kids in the car or the guy lurking in the parking lot watching the kids ditched in the car  (downtownjax.firstcoastnews.com) (65)
(Cracked) Strange "Snow White in Narnia has been greenlit? What about Snow and the Seven Kung Fu Badasses?" How Hollywood has decided to reboot classic children's tales  (cracked.com) (56)
(YouTube) Cool Let's go back to Cold War days, when random stretches of the autobahn could be converted to emergency runways in just hours, suitable for launching fighters and landing cargo planes  (youtube.com) (29)
(New York Daily News) Spiffy The hot wives and girlfriends of the Patriots and Giants. Bill Belichick definitely has no reason to cheat  (nydailynews.com) (65)
(Telegraph) Fail Psychiatric nurse tries to treat a patient for panic attacks and creates panic attacks using the same tool  (telegraph.co.uk) (12)
(USA Today) PSA Exposing your child to non-stick cookware may compromise the effectiveness of autism juice  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (61)
(Abc.net.au) Cool Researchers discover that flying dinosaurs had black feathers like ravens, believe that they still couldn't hit a 32-yard chip shot  (abc.net.au) (13)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida College-educated Quizno's manager spends $135,899 on a psychic before figuring out she might have been duped. "Unfortunately, I put my trust in the wrong person"  (orlandosentinel.com) (161)


Tue January 24, 2012
(Some researcher) Followup "Answer me: Who taught you how to share your account passwords?" "From you, all right? I learned it by watching you"  (zephoria.org) (74)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Criminal mastermind uses stolen welfare benefits card to purchase $64 worth of soda to get almost $11 in return from the automated can-recycling machine, which she also broke  (itemlive.com) (63)
(Deadspin) Cool Today's "Outstanding Achievement In Bad Choice Of Words" brought to you by ESPN's Linda Cohn playing goaltender at a charity event: "I want Barry Melrose to shoot on me"  (deadspin.com) (51)
(Talking Points Memo) Interesting Mitt's unfavorability is soaring to Gingrichian levels  (talkingpointsmemo.com) (111)
(CNN) Obvious Luxury retailers across Europe had a banner year, thanks to Chinese shoppers  (cnn.com) (26)
(NYPost) Dumbass If you suspect a teenager of ding-dong-ditching you, firing your handgun in the air and then holding him prisoner at gunpoint until the police arrive is not a measured response  (nypost.com) (110)
(The Register) Obvious Trekkie gets married. Trekkie gets divorced. And that's how his painstaking recreation of his 1 bedroom flat into the Starship Voyager in gets tossed into the doomsday machine  (theregister.co.uk) (52)
(Daily Mail) Florida Sorta news: 15-year old girl calls 911 because she could hear her mother having sex. Fark: She asks the police to take her to a Christian children's shelter because she felt "disrespected"  (dailymail.co.uk) (161)
(Some Guy) Asinine The worst church singer ever. God help us and create trees with chicken finger leaves while you're at it  (worldwideinterweb.com) (31)


Mon January 23, 2012
(Some Green Trekker) Obvious Star Trek sequel gets a bigger budget, which can only mean one thing: More hot green chicks  (trekmovie.com) (154)
(Yahoo) Obvious Obama's in trouble with U.N. human rights chief, earning him badly needed Republican votes  (news.yahoo.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Followup Don't count your Chips when you're sitting at the table. They'll be time enough to count them when the Bucs are done  (kgw.com) (55)
(Fox Sports) Florida Chip Kelly goes from Ducks to Bucs; still won't see any playoffs  (msn.foxsports.com) (25)
(Telegraph) Scary Britain, the United States and France successfully complete "Operation I'm Not Touching You"  (telegraph.co.uk) (143)
(Mirror.co.uk) Stupid Is our children learning? No, there not  (mirror.co.uk) (204)


Sun January 22, 2012
(Some Guy) Caption Caption Mitt and his washing machine  (a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net) (13)
(Some Geezer) Survey What do you remember from your childhood that is no longer sold today like colored TP, Sani-Flush cleaner, Lawn Darts, Bromo-Seltzer? Get off my lawn  (blog.toiletpaperworld.com) (776)


Sat January 21, 2012
(Chicago Sun-Times) Spiffy Chicago celebrates no shootings or murders in a 24-hour period for the first time in a year. Tourist brochures immediately sent out to be updated  (suntimes.com) (99)


Fri January 20, 2012
(Some Guy) Interesting It's bad enough your child is autistic, now a license is required  (hamptonroads.com) (77)
(ABC) Dumbass Part of being in Hell is paying $45,000 a month in child support  (abcnews.go.com) (73)
(Slate) Followup This just in: Nice Hair is virtually tied with Angry Womanizer in South Carolina, while Old Anarchist and Jesus Loves Me are far behind. Bonus: polls taken before Thursday's insanity  (slatest.slate.com) (138)
(Yahoo) Interesting Fire at NJ professor's home reveals cache of child porn. Police now investigating whether fire was started on orders from a giant anthropomorphic rabbit  (news.yahoo.com) (148)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Hundreds of primary school-age children granted licences to use shotguns. What could possibly go wrong?  (dailymail.co.uk) (82)


Thu January 19, 2012
(Reuters) Weird China unveils pricey "RedPad" iPad clone based on Android, markets it to Communist Party members as patriotic tool for verifying ID cards, reading cadre blogs, managing firms, and oppressing dissidents  (reuters.com) (18)
(Some Cock Lover) Sappy Rescued chickens need your help --- please help knit jumpers for hens who escaped the McNugget factory. LGT Victoria's Secret for Gonzo the Great  (littlehenrescue.co.uk) (82)
(The New Yorker) Amusing How poorly is this SOPA/PIPA thing being viewed from other countries? It's so bad that the Chinese are scoring jokes on us  (newyorker.com) (57)
(New Scientist) Interesting Schizophrenia could be a profound form of jetlag in which the turnip's central heating clockwasher runs counter culture to individually wrapped Twinkies creamy centers  (newscientist.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Scary After a Tibetan set himself on fire in protest, witnesses say the Chinese police tried to put out the flames. Using clubs spiked with nails  (asiaone.com) (64)
(YouTube) Amusing Sure and old crap is being greenlit, but this video of a friend of mine being tackled in a rugby game is actually worth watching  (youtube.com) (30)
(WTSP.com) Florida Man shoots laundromat's change machine. Makes clean getaway. (with video goodness)  (winterhaven.wtsp.com) (27)
(SFGate) Dumbass Joe Biden (D-erp) is happy to congratulate the Giants on getting to the Superbowl. Apparently, 49ers didn't have the pitching to control the San Francisco Giants big hitters, right Joe?  (blog.sfgate.com) (103)
(Some Half Naked Chick) Amusing Apparently, the idea of posing for pics with half-naked chicks on the top of police cars hasn't gotten old for policemen in California  (wtsp.com) (20)


Wed January 18, 2012
(Discovery) Cool Astronomers aim to achieve what pornographers have been doing for years  (news.discovery.com) (20)
(Bitten and Bound) Obvious Supermodel Cindy Crawford has taken on the role of pushy stage mother for the presumed benefit of her 10-year-old girl child, with a little help from the House of Versace. (kid modeling pics)  (bittenandbound.com) (23)
(LA Times) Amusing If you thought Mad Dog 20/20 was bad just imagine the Chinese counterfeit version  (articles.latimes.com) (45)
(Network World) Spiffy Network World gives FARK lots of credit during the SOPA blackout by telling its readers "As is generally the case, they're marching to a different beat over at Fark" (update 3)  (networkworld.com) (0)
(WRCB-TV) Spiffy Relax Nashville residents - it is now legal to keep chickens in your backyard  (wrcbtv.com) (20)
(CNN) Interesting CNN runs an article on "Chocolate's Child Slaves". Hell, I thought they were called "Oompa Loompas"   (thecnnfreedomproject.blogs.cnn.com) (23)
(New York Daily News) Asinine TSA apologizes for strip searching elderly women...also, ugly women, men, women with small boobs, people with hideous disfiguring scars, and pets  (nydailynews.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Spiffy SOPA SOPA SOPA, oh by the way I have a secret illegitimate child I have been hiding from my family. Oh man, it feels good to have that secret out  (turnto23.com) (12)


Tue January 17, 2012
(I Heart Chaos) Cool If you only watch one movie trailer today about FDR killing Nazi werewolves in his machine-gun powered wheelchair, this should be it (NSFW language)  (iheartchaos.com) (59)
(RedEye Chicago) Silly Dear Green Bay, HAHAHAAHAAA. Love, Chicago  (redeyechicago.com) (145)
(YouTube) Cool Your childhood has just been obliterated forever. Super Slot Cars  (youtube.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Well, I'm drunk and my car is stuck in the front lawn so I may as well pass out right here. What's that you say? This is not my own front lawn? Oh, it belongs to the Michigan State Police. Well that changes things now doesn't it?  (cadillacnews.com) (18)
(Huffington Post) Hero Gay parents are not only better than their heterosexual counterparts, but they do so by adopting children who are typically "too old," outside of their race, or have special needs. Tag is for anyone, anywhere, who adopts a child  (huffingtonpost.com) (286)
(The New York Times) Silly India guesses at birthdate of army chief, approximates international borders, ensures world nuclear codes more or less secure  (nytimes.com) (21)
(Some Comic Book Guy) Scary Local TV Station to broadcast expose on sex, gore, and violence in comic books, and how it will harm your children. This is not a repeat from 1954. Fredric Wertham laughs while George Santayana weeps  (comicsdc.blogspot.com) (67)
(Gawker) Dumbass The world now has a poster child for You're Doing It Wrong  (gawker.com) (49)
(I Heart Chaos) Video "Hello" by Lionel Ritchie re-created with movie clips  (iheartchaos.com) (14)


Mon January 16, 2012
(Washington Post) Followup Russian spacecraft falls into Pacific Ocean west of Chile, fails to hit giant target so nobody gets a free taco  (washingtonpost.com) (19)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass A small cut on a child's forehead results in the doctor gluing the kid's eye shut. Bet he didn't see that coming  (thelocal.se) (45)


Sun January 15, 2012
(LiveLeak) Scary Don't worry. We can probably guarantee the monkey with the human baby face won't be outside your window tonight, scratching to get in. Well maybe we can guarantee. Who are we kidding? He's out there now  (liveleak.com) (21)


Sat January 14, 2012
(Washington Post) Amusing Two middle-schoolers use stolen passwords to erase class information and send out "poorly written pornographic e-mails." There were some subject-object problems and they did it Chicago style instead of MLA  (washingtonpost.com) (83)
(Some Fight Card) Spiffy UFC 142 discussion thread. Can Chad Mendes steal the Featherweight title from José Aldo? Unlikely, but this sure beats Strikeforce or watching Timmmmaaaay get T-boned. Fights start at 7pm ET  (ufc.com) (485)
(SFGate) Dumbass Art teacher arrested for teaching broad strokes to 16-year-old student. Where were the teachers like this back when... oh, wait  (sfgate.com) (106)


Fri January 13, 2012
(Gizmodo) Scary NASA image showing China's pollution problem.. FROM SPACE  (gizmodo.com) (100)
(Fark) FarkParty Fark Party Chicago - 14 JAN - Lincoln Tap Room - 7pm  (fark.com) (140)
(Fark) Followup Chicago FarkParty. Tomorrow. 7PM. Come drink away the cold. (Link goes to original thread.)  (fark.com) (25)
(Discovery) Cool The 10 most talented robots in the world today: "The Flying Machine Project is one of those things that makes us go, 'Why didn't we think about this before?'"  (news.discovery.com) (24)
(CNNGo) Cool Meanwhile, China builds a 30-story, earthquake-resistant, energy-efficient five-star hotel in 360 hours  (cnngo.com) (41)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Aon insurance moving its HQ from Chicago to London for better access to emerging markets, pizza  (bloomberg.com) (31)
(MSNBC) Interesting Chinese applications to U.S. colleges up 23%. Desperate American students quickly work on their ability to hit a 30 foot jump shot  (behindthewall.msnbc.msn.com) (43)
(Telegraph) Asinine After documentary exposes disabled children in Turkey are tied to their beds all day and not fed, Turkish government springs into action and charges the Duchess of York with violating the privacy of children  (telegraph.co.uk) (107)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Chile wants to generate half of its electricity at hydro plants, river ecosysytems be damned  (bloomberg.com) (38)
(Bloomberg) Obvious SWAT team stands by while angry Chinese rioters throw eggs, demanding a) democracy, b) a free Tibet, or c) the iPhone 4S?  (bloomberg.com) (41)


Thu January 12, 2012
(Huffington Post) Obvious 2000 John McCain steps out of time machine to call Citizens United "one of the worst decisions I have ever seen"  (huffingtonpost.com) (92)
(Some Guy) Interesting Coming energy wars mean Americans are likely to discover where the South China Sea and the Caspian are in the next few years  (tomdispatch.com) (68)
(Some Guy) Hero "He kept trying to get his gloves off and saying he was going to shoot me, but I don't think he had a gun, so I just kept punching him"  (ketv.com) (133)
(WFTV) Florida Casey Anthony says her computer was hacked. Cops tell her they'll begin searching for suspects in about 31 days  (wftv.com) (137)
(Some Guy) Sad Kathleen Edward, the Michigan girl who was taunted by her neighbor, passes away at nine years old  (detroit.cbslocal.com) (311)


Wed January 11, 2012
(CSMonitor) Cool Television manufacturers are now exploring ways to ditch the remote, presumably because it's too much exercise while watching TV  (csmonitor.com) (23)
(WWTDD) Obvious Khloe Kardashian might have a different father. Attichitcuk may have some explaining to do  (wwtdd.com) (50)
(Deadspin) Amusing Deadspin gives props to Fark for a most disturbing story about the hypothetical lovechild of Tim Tebow and Michele Bachmann  (deadspin.com) (4)
(YouTube) Video Most amazing 2 minute women's volleyball rally you will see this year. Level of difficulty? Chinese  (youtube.com) (54)
(BBC) Scary First they came for the nail clippers and I didn't speak out. Then they came for the sippy cups and I was silent. Then they came for the virus tainted civet cat and I said nothing because I like Chinese restaurants  (bbc.co.uk) (11)
(Daily Mail) Cool Mother-of-six saves her own life by coughing up a cancerous tumor, ham sandwich, half a chicken and assorted bon-bons  (dailymail.co.uk) (76)
(Stuff.co.nz) Strange Man rescued from pasta machine will knead immediate help for stretch marks  (stuff.co.nz) (27)
(Daily Mail) Silly A-Rod's new girlfriend has some sweet puppies. And her little chihuahuas are cute, too  (dailymail.co.uk) (39)
(MSNBC) Weird Michigan man used to be alive, then he took an arrow to the chest  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (53)
(Buzzfeed) Cool Bikini-wearing Chinese bodyguards in training. 許多美麗的乳房  (buzzfeed.com) (97)
(CNN) Amusing When you're the Jacksonville Jaguars and you have a head coaching vacancy, of course you'd watch the first 2-points-only playoff performance and hire the beautiful mind responsible for it  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (54)


Tue January 10, 2012
(Yahoo) Interesting News: Michigan Treasurer says Detroit to run out of money by May. Other News: Detroit still has money  (news.yahoo.com) (88)
(Some Guy) Dumbass As a paramedic, you're trained in various ways to revive an unconscious patient. Pinching her breasts is not one of them  (nhregister.com) (74)
(YouTube) Video The face of ShamWow and prostitute punching, Vince Offer, is back with a new infomercial: Schticky  (youtube.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Interesting Are shaved bare porn actresses re-wiring the brains of men who watch internet porn? Yes. And so are those videos of 2 women, 1 cat, a feather duster, two bags of chips, and a jar of peanut butter  (reuniting.info) (265)


Mon January 09, 2012
(Courier Press) Scary Good: Kids stay free at local hotel. Bad: Hotel is home to 24 child molesters  (courierpress.com) (56)
(LA Times) Interesting William Daley out as Obama's Chief of Staff - plans on moving back to Chicago to help dig up votes for November  (latimes.com) (24)
(Chicago Tribune) Stupid Walgreen's opening up a new flagship store in downtown Chicago. It will feature all the things customers expect from Walgreen's, including a sushi bar, humidor, and manicurist. Wait...what?  (chicagotribune.com) (37)
(Short List) Sad The largely depressing fates of 10 iconic child actors. Including enough photos to make the kids from Super 8 consider months of gruelling plastic surgery before they hit 21  (shortlist.com) (257)
(CNN) Followup New CEO of Yahoo given a $26 million pay package. Details to be found by searching "Paid way too much" on Google  (money.cnn.com) (36)
(MSNBC) Interesting J Lo open to returning for In Living Color specials. In other news the token white chick whose name you don't remember would be thrilled to return for the specials, assuming she can get time off from the car wash  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (50)


Sun January 08, 2012
(LiveLeak) Scary Well this certainly seems to be a safe activity for very small children  (liveleak.com) (45)
(Canoe) Sad 22,000 chicks killed in fire. Beavis and Butt-head inconsolable  (cnews.canoe.ca) (31)
(Reuters) Spiffy Jaleel White wants to be on Breaking Bad. Can we farkers help Urkel achieve his dream?  (reuters.com) (87)
(Examiner) Sappy Destiny's child has arrived  (examiner.com) (39)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Hey, Chik-fil-A. Imma let you finish, but Papa John's has the best Asian slur on a customer receipt of all time. OF ALL TIME  (huffingtonpost.com) (287)
(Talking Points Memo) Amusing Newt Gingrich: "The fact is I never asked for a deferment, I was married with a child, it was never a question." Ron Paul: "When I was drafted, I was married and had two kids. And I went." Oh snap  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com) (279)


Sat January 07, 2012
(Washington Post) PSA Tonight, the remaining GOP candidates square off in preparation for the New Hampshire primary. Will Santorum blast Romney? Will it be worth watching since Bachmann is gone? The derp begins at 9pm ET on ABC  (washingtonpost.com) (lots)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Obvious Parent upset by questions on her child's math test which included "If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in 1 week?"  (ajc.com) (121)
(Orlando Sentinel) Asinine FAA grounds ten young whooping cranes and the bird-like plane they think is their mother teaching them to migrate because the pilot is being paid. No, really  (orlandosentinel.com) (95)
(Daily Mail) Silly New book claims we ALL have psychic powers. Yeah, right -- who didn't see that coming. Wait, what?  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(YouTube) Amusing From MST3K's 6th season, it's Girls' Town. Mike & the 'Bots mock a caper film with Mel Torme, Mamie Van Doren, Paul Anka, The Platters, and Dick Contino. "It's either Jerry Van Dyke or a trained chimp"  (youtube.com) (19)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting Tim Burton wants Robert Downey, Jr to play Geppetto in a live action Pinocchio movie. I've got wood  (hollywoodreporter.com) (32)
(KTVZ) Interesting Study finds high-fat foods cause brain scarring -- but that's cool, zombie chicks dig brain scars  (ktvz.com) (41)


Fri January 06, 2012
(JSOnline) Dumbass News: Partner of former top aide to WI Gov Scott Walker found with child pornography on his computer. Fark: Said porn obtained via an account with screen name "Walker04"  (jsonline.com) (120)
(USA Today) Florida The most vain city in the US is Miami, though it's followed closely by Chicago, whose residents dip their hats strategically below one eye and wear apricot scarfs  (travel.usatoday.com) (78)
(The Daily Beast) Dumbass "President Obama has exceeded his powers by making a recess appointment" says the guy who said the last President had the legal right to crush a child's testicles   (andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com) (76)
(New York Magazine) Silly Psychic spider-monkey will predict the winner of the New Hampshire primary. It's more scientific than a caucus, at least  (nymag.com) (30)
(Gizmodo) Spiffy Don't look now, but the USAF's super-secret militarized shuttle is playing peek-a-boo with China's new space station  (gizmodo.com) (76)
(My Fox DC) Strange French fans of Michael Jackson sue the late star's doctor for "emotional damage" they suffered over his death. "It's similar to losing a childhood friend in a traffic accident," their lawyer said...exac...wait, what?  (myfoxdc.com) (43)
(Some Hater) Obvious China is all over Pakistan like a drunk prom date. Pakistan ready to take the relationship to "a new level". US sits in corner and glares  (tribune.com.pk) (33)
(Some Guy) Obvious Former Republican almost-governor denied college post teaching law, due to his political views. Bu-bu-but diversity   (intellectualconservative.com) (74)
(Crooks & Liars) Ironic Stupid: New Hampshire GOP passes new bill allowing parents the choice to not educate their children. HILARIOUS: Request must be made in writing  (crooksandliars.com) (234)
(Ohio.com) Dumbass Guns don't kill people. 50 caliber semiautomatic Desert Eagle wielding trailer park stepchild rednecks kill people (with gratuitious pic)  (ohio.com) (77)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Followup Rahm Emanuel's latest cost-saving measure: having all Chicago-area libraries closed on Mondays. BOOK IT, DONE  (suntimes.com) (68)


Thu January 05, 2012
(Some Fools) Dumbass Burglars break into house, steal coin collection worth thousands -- then proceed to dump it all in coin counting machine, netting $450  (kptv.com) (119)
(C|Net) Misc Former Microsoft software architect starts new company called Cocomo. Reports are his business model will be to take it fast, then to take it slow  (news.cnet.com) (22)
(SportsGrid) Amusing Chipotle would like to sell you burritos for that big football game they aren't legally allowed to mention  (sportsgrid.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Interesting Woman gives birth to 15 pound, 7 ounce baby. Man, this childhood obesity problem is really getting out of hand  (duluthnewstribune.com) (80)
(Boston.com) Followup Crazy Eyes now has to decide between re-election or bleaching her hair and working for Fox  (boston.com) (87)
(Fark) Amusing Do you know anyone or better yet, work with anyone who is really paranoid or conspiracy believing? Like they think the Government is watching them, or that the CIA put LSD in their drinking water or some other nonsense?  (fark.com) (869)
(UPI) Amusing Hacker, apparently unaware of which decade the rest of the world lives in, digs up secret intel files on Henry Kissinger, Dan Quayle. Quick, Mr. Peabody, fire up the Wayback Machine  (upi.com) (36)
(Reuters) Strange Boy, are the Chinese gonna be pissed when they realize that they've got Warren and Jimmy confused  (reuters.com) (39)
(MLive.com) Amusing Michigan congregation opens tattoo parlor inside their church. Leviticus may have a problem with this  (mlive.com) (31)
(Canoe) Scary Canadian Defence Minister marries hot Iranian chick. What could possibly go wrong?  (cnews.canoe.ca) (132)
(BusinessWeek) Obvious Hey Kansas? Remember how we said that if you'd help us win that Air Force tanker contract, we keep all those jobs in Wichita? We lied. Love, Boeing. P.S. Thanks for the $41 Billion, suckas  (businessweek.com) (63)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Okay guys, picture Demi Lovato and Miley Cyrus fighting. Picture Selena Gomez off on the side watching. I could give you my SSN but I am sure none of you are reading this anymore  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Just like football fans all across America, Tom Brady admits that he enjoyed watching the NY Jets fall out of the playoffs  (nydailynews.com) (104)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sad China bus slides off snow-covered bridge, claims 16 lives and 1 curio cabinet  (suntimes.com) (9)
(Science Daily) Obvious What if Virginia lifts ban on uranium mining? Well, radioactive large cocktail peanuts, glow in the dark Chincoteague ponies, mutants raging through the streets of Arlington and Alexandria... wait that last one is a good thing  (sciencedaily.com) (30)
(USA Today) Sad After getting behind the latest front-runner and only finding santorum, the Tea Party is left unsatisfied and still searching for a unifying candidate  (usatoday.com) (36)
(Daily Mail) Sad Dermatologist says Botox has 'turned Carla Bruni into a chipmunk'. AAAALLLLLLLVVVVIIIIIINNNNNNN   (dailymail.co.uk) (23)
(Reuters) Asinine Nutritionist says France should tackle child obesity by giving slim children better grades. Educators scoff at idea for U.S. saying it would only improve grades of three kids  (reuters.com) (30)
(KSL News) Sad Six police officers shot in ChicOgden  (ksl.com) (63)


Wed January 04, 2012
(UPI) Sad Andy Dick says 2012 will 'be big' for him ... so be watching for big arrests, big lawsuits, big headlines  (upi.com) (36)
(Huffington Post) Stupid Every 10 minutes, 3 African children die from hunge...OMG PALIN'S NEW HAIR  (huffingtonpost.com) (99)
(Think Progress) Stupid Worried about monarchical rule and inability of local barons to control peasants? Well, New Hampshire might have a solution  (thinkprogress.org) (68)
(YouTube) Asinine Oh, nothing, just watching 99 seconds of Yoda farting  (youtube.com) (32)
(Salon) Stupid The @MentionMachine ranks candidates based on how often they're tweeted about, so congratulations, President Paul  (salon.com) (34)
(Washington Post) Interesting China to North Korea: "Don't pee on the electric fence you chuckle heads"  (washingtonpost.com) (27)
(Canada.com) Ironic Auxiliary Bishop of Los Angeles resigns to spend more time with his children  (canada.com) (63)
(The Smoking Gun) Video The best video of a New Year's Eve melee at a Chinese restaurant in Montreal ever  (thesmokinggun.com) (34)
(Evansville Courier & Press) Asinine Indiana State Police ban "potentially dangerous" cans of Dr Pepper from Statehouse, where vending machines inside sell ... Dr Pepper  (courierpress.com) (64)
(Yahoo) Sick Poisoned pussy kills billionaire in China  (news.yahoo.com) (55)
(Slashdot) Stupid We simply release wave after wave of Chinese needle trojans, they'll wipe out the viruses  (yro.slashdot.org) (3)
(CNNGo) Interesting China's knockoff Disneyland manages to be creepier than original (photos)  (cnngo.com) (30)
(WLSAM) Spiffy Chicagoans can now go online to track the snow plows that are not clearing their streets  (wlsam.com) (24)
(ABC) Scary Chicago man gets shot three times, shoved in trunk of his own car, is taken on a ride through the city, then manages to free himself and call for help. TA-DAA  (abcnews.go.com) (26)


Tue January 03, 2012
(Yahoo) Fail "There's Mr. Bro Beard approaching Miss Hottie ... oh no: REEEEEE-JECTED"  (rivals.yahoo.com) (57)
(ESPN) Obvious Bears part ways with offensive coordinator Mike Martz, who will now put his O-line coaching skills to use training matadors  (espn.go.com) (57)
(CNN) Dumbass It's Big Blue vs Blue Turf, Tradition vs Nouveau, as Michigan battles Bois...Wait, why is Virginia Tech here? Didn't Clemson pants them twice? Well, that's awkward. Anywho, it's your official Sugar Bowl discussion thread  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (614)
(NPR) Interesting Some professor is making an argument that lecturing isn't effective as a teaching technique, but subby isn't absorbing any of it  (npr.org) (76)
(Reuters) Sad St Trinian's and Molesworth creator Ronald Searle dies at 91. Yar boo sucks chiz chiz  (uk.reuters.com) (24)
(Chicago Tribune) Fail When drunk at the McDonald's drive-through, don't fall asleep. If you fall asleep and are awakened by the Chicago Police, don't give a fake name. If you must give a fake name, make sure it does not belong to a registered sex offender  (chicagotribune.com) (40)


Mon January 02, 2012
(Yahoo) Florida Not to be outFAILED by the Rams, Tampa Bay fires entire coaching staff  (sports.yahoo.com) (19)
(ESPN) Followup Will members of the St. Louis Rams coaching and management step forward. Not so fast, all of you  (espn.go.com) (46)
(TMZ) Amusing Former Danzig bassist is trying to get a restraining order against a woman he picked up on Facebook. I don't see how he thought any good would come from this... I mean, this chick is a Danzig fan he picked up on Facebook  (tmz.com) (61)
(AZCentral) Sad 100 ways Arizona changed the world. Spoiler: Number one is the chimichanga, a deep fried burrito that goes well with beer. Number two is a hole in the ground. Number three is a bigger hole in the ground  (azcentral.com) (52)
(TMZ) Interesting Atlanta Falcon Rowdy Roddy White admits he IS the father of a child whose mother is suing him for child support, even though Maury hasn't come back with the official test results yet  (tmz.com) (6)


Sun January 01, 2012
(Bloomberg) Obvious Koch Industries blows up children, blames government regulations "While business was becoming increasingly regulated, we kept thinking and acting as if we lived in a pure market economy"  (bloomberg.com) (115)
(Daily Mail) Interesting War Horse: Winston Churchill's mission to rescue the war horses and how he made officials bring tens of thousands of them home  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(Boston.com) Ironic Precious little snowflakes at danger from Gluten-free foods. THINK OF THE CHILDREN  (articles.boston.com) (136)


Sat December 31, 2011
(Some Guy) Misc Mike Munchak's "heart is torn" over Penn State head coaching opportunity. Sandusky's victims say they're a bit torn up, too   (collegefootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (12)
(Daily Mail) Interesting The Doctor to marry woman who played the role of his daughter. Same woman also happens to be The Doctor's daughter in real life and already has a child with The Doctor. Surprisingly, none of this happened in Dixie  (dailymail.co.uk) (87)
(Some Guy) Sad Key West -- which writers Ernest Hemingway, Tennessee Williams, Robert Frost, Judy Blume, Robert Stone, Jim Harrison, Maria Bishop, Mark Childress and others have called home -- is down to one bookstore. Sad easily trumps Florida  (keysnet.com) (142)
(Daily Mail) Cool Adopted woman, 64, who spent whole life thinking she was an only child discovers she has nine fat, homely siblings living minutes away  (dailymail.co.uk) (37)


Fri December 30, 2011
(ESPN) Cool Thierry Henry is coming back to Arsenal. Now all they need is Tony Adams, Steve Bould, Martin Keown, Lee Dixon, Nigel Winterburn and time machine, and they're in business  (soccernet.espn.go.com) (90)
(CNN) Spiffy Michigan State wages war on words "It's amazing, you didn't know that the ginormous baby-bump your pet parent showed you in the man cave was trickeration?"  (cnn.com) (88)
(MSNBC) Sad Poaching of rhinos soar as the price of rhino horn surpasses that of gold or platinum, but hasn't reached the price of human horn on Omicron Persei 8  (msnbc.msn.com) (79)
(CNN) Interesting If you're watching Netflix on your Xoom because the PlayStation Network and your BlackBerry are both down again, you'll love this article  (cnn.com) (19)
(BBC) Silly Scientists film panda eating meat in China. They hadn't seen a feral beast eat this much meat since they filmed your mom last night  (bbc.co.uk) (36)


Thu December 29, 2011
(Nola.com) Dumbass Mother of the Year competition sees last-minute entry, as Louisiana woman leaves her foster children outside while she plays blackjack at a casino. On Christmas Eve day  (nola.com) (38)
(Daily Mail) Misc Ever see a grown man barbecue naked? Sure you have. Stupid question. But how about a grown chimp... saute nude?  (dailymail.co.uk) (41)
(TMZ) Hero Paris Hilton unbanned from Vegas hotel. Finally, peace on Earth has been achieved  (tmz.com) (40)
(GizMag) Spiffy Vending machines will soon offer 30 minutes of free wi-fi, even if you don't buy the panties  (gizmag.com) (23)
(Denver Post) Silly Some politicians fight for abortion bans, some for gay rights, some for less taxes, some for legalized marijuana. Some fight for real issues, like "a vote for me is a vote for an 'In-N-Out Burger' franchise in our town"  (blogs.denverpost.com) (54)
(Some Guy) Followup Following the lead of Pinellas County, Florida in protecting American precious bodily fluids is Hartland Township... Michigan?  (hartland.patch.com) (14)
(CBC) Sad In another flagrant example of government over-regulation, Montréal residents can no longer get their pancakes and eggs served by topless women and eat them while watching porn  (cbc.ca) (75)
(Yahoo) Interesting So you're a king eh?, Tell me, what's the monarching business pay these days? Really? Do you get medical and dental too? Nice  (news.yahoo.com) (37)
(Canoe) Spiffy 100th grandchild and counting  (cnews.canoe.ca) (144)


Wed December 28, 2011
(ESPN) Obvious I wouldn't say that no one wants the Penn State coaching job, but no one wants the Penn State coaching job  (espn.go.com) (88)
(Gizmodo) Dumbass And the Forever Alone 2011 Award goes to: Anonymous Chinese man who spent $16,000 on a virtual sword before the game was released  (gizmodo.com) (113)
(Nola.com) Obvious "Re-electing politicians who voted for the Patriot Act and NDAA is like a flock of chickens voting for Colonel Sanders"  (nola.com) (142)
(Daily Mail) Followup Tiger Woods' former mistress Rachel Uchitel announces she's five months pregnant  (dailymail.co.uk) (42)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Taste of Chicago organizers finally see the light, shorten the event to five days and won't hold it over the 4th of July weekend  (chicagotribune.com) (71)
(Politico) Obvious RNC Chairman Reince Priebus: "Chill out, the nominee has already been picked. You think we allow this to chance?"  (politico.com) (163)
(My Fox DC) Florida Man lets bikini-clad chick reach into his pants and try to snatch his coin-purse before beating her off with his crutches. (w/ you would have done the same pics)  (myfoxdc.com) (194)
(Gizmodo) Cool Repent. The Eye of Satan is watching you from space and he knows you are just a very naughty boy  (gizmodo.com) (30)
(Yahoo) Asinine AZ judge says school district's ethnic studies program is illegal because teaching Hispanics how badly the state has screwed them over in the past might lead to "resentments" against white people  (news.yahoo.com) (127)
(Some Guy) Strange The first Hello Kitty restaurant in China features pink tablecloths and lamps, waiters in white shirts with red bows and blue rompers, and a Christmas tree in the middle of the room, surrounded with Kitty balloons  (asiaone.com) (33)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sad 2 people killed, 4 others injured in shooting at Church's Chicken. *pew*pew*pew*  (suntimes.com) (62)
(Salon) Sappy This is the story of a woman. A woman who lost her father to a massive heart attack. A woman who learned who her father was...by watching his opening and closing narrations on... The Twilight Zone  (salon.com) (43)
(Entertainment Weekly) Sad Cheeta, chimpanzee star of "Tarzan," dead at 80. Me sad  (popwatch.ew.com) (51)


Tue December 27, 2011
(BBC) Interesting Built in a Pizza Hutt, controlled by network of PolyStations, powered by Borio cookies, China unveils new Beidou navigator  (bbc.co.uk) (23)
(IndyStar) Interesting A (farking) discussion on (bleeping) cursing in (expletive deleted) coaching. Obligatory Bob (%(@*#) Knight photo accompanies (blasted) article  (indystar.com) (7)
(Marketwatch) Fail This is a Lao point for Chinese stocks  (marketwatch.com) (13)
(Deadspin) Obvious MLB's new security chief used to work for the Secret Service. When assigned to White House security in 1995, he denied Monica Lewinsky access to the Oval Office. Guess what happened next?  (deadspin.com) (24)
(Reuters) Spiffy It's that time of the year again, Christmas shopping, spending time with family, the annual two day long Chinese pillow fight. Wait, what?  (reuters.com) (14)


Mon December 26, 2011
(BBC) Interesting Intel and Kraft create prototype of intelligent vending machine that analyzes a customer's age and sex, yet invariably delivers a dessert that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Jello  (bbc.co.uk) (108)
(Some Guy) Obvious Kim Jong-Il's oldest son "under Chinese protection" after pointing out that even Chairman Mao was against hereditary succession  (hindustantimes.com) (96)
(detroit news) Amusing Michigan man's newly acquired OBM44 license plate bothers his Republican friends  (detroitnews.com) (155)
(LA Times) Amusing The LA Times review of Gov. Jerry Brown first year back in office: "His biggest achievement is essentially overlooked: He didn't screw things up worse"  (latimes.com) (169)
(YouTube) Video Our crazy dog, Sandy, is fascinated by one of our new toys from Santa... Exhausting just watching  (youtube.com) (32)


Sun December 25, 2011
(YouTube) Sappy An entire classroom full of children get the exact present they wanted from Santa. Yes, even one little girl who only wanted her father home from Iraq this Christmas. It sure is dusty in here  (youtube.com) (33)
(Deadline) Followup It was a merry Christmas weekend for Mission Impossible 4, Sherlock Holmes, and Alvin & the Chipmunks, but not for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and Tintin  (deadline.com) (209)


Sat December 24, 2011
(YouTube) Video 12 years ago The West Wing had a Christmas episode that was among the most touching and moving ever. Here's the final scene  (youtube.com) (73)


Fri December 23, 2011
(Irish Times) Sappy A letter to Santa written by two children in 1911 was discovered in 1992 in a Dublin fireplace  (irishtimes.com) (48)


Thu December 22, 2011
(Some Guy) Stupid Perhaps the only thing more obnoxious than people who spend a small fortune each year on Christmas presents for their children are the people who spend a small fortune on presents for their pets. "He's getting a costume and a hat"  (ktar.com) (122)
(CNN) Silly Gay "Archie" character to have interracial wedding. Mr. Weatherbee sighs  (inamerica.blogs.cnn.com) (41)
(YouTube) Video Tim Minchin and Professor Brian Cox team up to sing a modern Christmas carol. That sound you hear is the sound of thousands of farkettes falling in love, and thousands more farkers suddenly doubting their sexuality  (youtube.com) (26)
(LiveLeak) Fail Most expensive Chinese fireworks you'll see this year  (liveleak.com) (13)
(Huffington Post) Stupid A Girl Scouts troop's decision to admit a 7-year-old transgender child this fall has prompted three leaders to resign and dissolve their troops. Guess they'll all forfeit their tolerance badges  (huffingtonpost.com) (560)
(Some Guy) Fail Psychic Fails: 2011 Failed and Forgotten Predictions. Guess they didn't see that coming   (therelativelyinterestingblog.blogspot.com) (123)


Wed December 21, 2011
(Uproxx) Amusing The only one really worth watching is #20 - over and over  (uproxx.com) (41)
(The Register) Amusing "Chicken bones are not, in principle, problematic"  (theregister.co.uk) (37)
(The Cambridge Chronicle) PSA Allowing children to wear "Jordan's Bar Mitzvah" shirt offends classmates who were not invited to Jordan's Bar Mitzvah  (wickedlocal.com) (228)
(Bloomberg) Stupid Chicago Bears WR in trouble with the feds. This is not a repeat from last week  (bloomberg.com) (13)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Far from turning the town of Wukan into a smoking crater, Chinese authorities are actually caving in to the town's demands and are giving them their prisoners and some of their land back  (washingtonpost.com) (21)
(National Review) Followup Old and busted: North Korea. New hotness: Baja East China  (nationalreview.com) (58)
(Washington Post) Cool 'Sensitive Santas' are providing their services so that children with autism can make their first ever visit to the Jolly Old Elf  (washingtonpost.com) (31)
(Fox News) Asinine After years of insomnia-based all nighters, Chinese hackers discover the secret to restful sleep. They break into US Chamber of Commerce policy statement discussions  (foxnews.com) (11)
(Huffington Post) Silly Claus challenged by U.S., other nations for widespread child privacy violations, considered a flight risk  (huffingtonpost.com) (15)
(PhysOrg.com) Stupid Even though we already have chili peppers hot enough to make Conan the Barbarian cry for his mommy, some dangerously insane madmen and still trying to make them even hotter  (physorg.com) (13)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Teenage juror who stopped trial by pretending to be sick but in fact used the time to go and see musical "Chicago" found guilty of giving the judge the old razzle-dazzle  (telegraph.co.uk) (68)
(MSNBC) Misc China says that Christian Bale should be embarrassed. So they saw Newsies too?  (msnbc.msn.com) (41)


Tue December 20, 2011
(Philly.com) Sick Philadelphia Daily News sportswriter Bill Conlin "retires" amid allegations that he has completed the creepy old guy child molester trifecta  (philly.com) (64)
(G4TV) Amusing Video game chickens. Everyone hates them  (g4tv.com) (69)
(Warming Glow) Sad HBO cancels three shows you probably weren't even watching in the first place  (warmingglow.uproxx.com) (99)
(Yahoo) Sappy Boy: I'm concerned that the chimney on our new house is too small for Santa. Builders: Too small you say? Well we will redesign it and test the new design with a Santa Claus impersonator just for you  (news.yahoo.com) (80)
(Medical Daily Journal) Interesting Still no cure for cancer, but now scientists have found a way to keep tumors alive in the lab. The hard part was teaching the healthy cells to smoke  (medicaldaily.com) (7)
(BBC) Interesting Japan decides to upgrade F-4 fleet to F-35's, citing the concerns over China, North Korea, Mothra  (bbc.co.uk) (120)
(Huffington Post) Asinine University of Texas College Republicans President tweets: "My president is black. He snorts a lot of crack." Is our children learning, indeed  (huffingtonpost.com) (283)
(The Morning Call) Fail Some of the best news article mistakes of the year. Among them: "Drunk and expecting child, man burglarized property"  (mcall.com) (7)
(LA Times) Cool Chimpanzees are now feeling the crunch of changing times too, losing their medical research jobs to computers and new technology  (latimes.com) (34)


Mon December 19, 2011
(Some Guy) Amusing "It used to be that I got home from work and the only thing I'd want to put in my mouth was the cold barrel of my grandfather's shotgun. Then I discovered Sonia Allison's Chicken Tetrazzini, and now there are two things"  (amazon.com) (38)
(Economist) Spiffy For the first time in forty years America's prison population has actually decreased. Either the costs of locking up non-violent offenders is to blame, or Obama is releasing them to rape your women and children  (economist.com) (69)


Sun December 18, 2011
(CNN) Scary IMF chief warns we might soon be partying like it's 1929  (edition.cnn.com) (53)
(PhysOrg.com) Unlikely Turn your house, car, boat, children, spouse, boat, friends into electrical generators with ONE COAT QUANTUM DOT SOLAR PAINT. STICK IT TO THE MAN... CALL TODAY  (physorg.com) (10)
(LiveLeak) Amusing How many workers does it take to subdue an unruly machine?  (liveleak.com) (42)


Sat December 17, 2011
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop challenge -- make something coherent out of this childish drawing  (pix.am) (35)
(The Sun) Silly Nursery school bans children from making "diamond in the sky" sign while singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", because vagina  (thesun.co.uk) (118)
(AZCentral) Dumbass Curfew-breaking teen gets stuck in chimney. California flue season officially begins  (azcentral.com) (15)
(TMZ) Amusing Journey's Neal Schon demands that a pic of him Lovin', Touchin', and Squeezin' himself be removed from the internet  (tmz.com) (42)


Fri December 16, 2011
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this Kuchi poochie  (boston.com) (19)
(Detroit News) Cool Out of ideas to save his failing state, Michigan governor signs law allowing residents to just blow the place up. Salute  (detnews.com) (60)
(WXYZ Detroit) Strange Students in Warren, Michigan learned that classes were canceled today after someone stole the batteries from all their buses  (wxyz.com) (45)
(Starpulse) Unlikely David Cross just blew himself out of any more Chipmunks sequels  (starpulse.com) (139)
(Some Guy) Florida Man arrested for sex with roommate's three-year-old Chihuahua. Sorry, but bestiality in Florida was so last year. Seriously, It was legal last year  (wptv.com) (118)
(BBC) Unlikely Japan's Prime Minister declares Fukushima nuclear site "stable", marking the worst stretching of the truth by a head of state since "Mission Accomplished"  (bbc.co.uk) (64)
(Mirror.co.uk) Amusing Security guards try to stop Christian Bale from visiting blind Chinese activist under house arrest, fail to recognize him as the Goddamned Batman  (mirror.co.uk) (48)
(The New York Times) Asinine Benton Harbor, Michigan is a model for the future. A future where corporations get millions in tax breaks to build their headquarters and private golf courses on public land and the mayor and city council can be fired by the governor on a whim  (nytimes.com) (86)


Thu December 15, 2011
(Labspaces.net) Interesting African ant can paralyze and kill prey without even touching it. Don't worry -- there's almost zero chance that one of them will crawl into your nose tonight as you sleep  (labspaces.net) (24)
(CNN) Interesting Victoria's Secret under fire for use of child labor in cotton fields, spandex orchards and sequin mines  (cnn.com) (90)
(USA Today) Sick Sandusky's lawyer: "Teaching a person to shower at the age of 12 or 14 sounds strange to some people ... like how to put soap on their body." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  (content.usatoday.com) (172)
(Some Guy) Cool Ugly-ass baby Gentoo penguin chick makes its debut at Sea World Queensland. With pics and video  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (28)
(Some Guy) Strange Not content with simply having a milkshake with your buffalo chicken, now there's the Buffalo Chicken Milkshake. WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?  (thepostgame.com) (28)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Chinese haxxors are stealing petabytes worth of proprietary data from foreign countries and corporations. In other news, the US just passed legislation to put you in jail for stealing photoshop  (mobile.bloomberg.com) (56)
(CNN) Interesting Playboy magazine moving from Chicago to Los Angeles. Circulation office now nearer to their 12 subscribers  (money.cnn.com) (58)
(YouTube) Cool 20-year-old makes awesome melodic dubstep. Try it out if you like chill electronic. Not affiliated, just like the tunes  (youtube.com) (95)
(Denver Post) Sad Booie, the smoking chimpanzee, dies at 44.... BUH BYE, BOOIE  (denverpost.com) (35)
(Some Zabaglione) Florida Zamboni sickens score of schoolchildren. They should have had the spaghetti  (baynews9.com) (30)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Ladies: stop searching for the 'perfect man'. He does not exist  (dailymail.co.uk) (281)
(The New York Times) Interesting Men are oppressing women by allowing women to earn more with better jobs while staying home playing video games, drinking beer, watching porn and boffing their mother-in-laws  (nytimes.com) (251)
(Daily Mail) Interesting China's new aircraft carrier goes to sea. But don't worry its just for 'research' purposes, like researching on how to take on a Nimitz Class  (dailymail.co.uk) (218)


Wed December 14, 2011
(Daily Mail) Cool Bisexual Amber Heard urges other Hollywood stars to come out of the closet. With a helpful picture of how this might be achieved  (dailymail.co.uk) (147)
(New York Daily News) Followup "Jason Bourne's got his memory back three times in a row now... It's not amnesia, you have a learning disability," said the star regarding his return to the franchise, adding, "MAAAAATT DAAAAAMON"  (nydailynews.com) (27)
(Life.com) Spiffy Old and busted: Ditching a plane in the English Channel. New hotness: Ditching a plane that resembles a prototype D'deridex-class Romulan warbird in the Channel ... and living to tell about it  (life.com) (76)
(Delta Quadrant Daily) Obvious Six reasons Star Trek: Voyager was the worst moment in the Star Trek franchise. Yes, even moreso than Enterprise or Babylon 5  (giantfreakinrobot.com) (446)
(USA Today) Interesting Remember watching Atlanta Braves' John Rocker being pumped every time he pitched? Well ... about that  (content.usatoday.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Interesting Scientists discover why buttercups glow when held up to your chin. Still no cure for cancer  (the-scientist.com) (8)
(Telegraph) Unlikely Tired of corruption, beatings and arrests, villagers chase out government officials and set up local democratic rule. The Arab Spring marches o... huh whut? no way. China?  (telegraph.co.uk) (66)
(gather.com) Spiffy Chicago strip club offers customers lap dance in exchange for toy donation to charity, Jade, Destiny  (news.gather.com) (29)


Tue December 13, 2011
(MSNBC) Asinine That slot machine with the lights and sirens going off telling you've won $57 million? Sorry, just a software error, how about $100 and a comped buffet ticket instead?  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (159)
(Forbes) Spiffy The era of cheap Chinese crap may be coming to an end  (forbes.com) (80)
(Market Place) Scary The smog is so thick in Beijing that it's been shutting down air travel due to poor visibility. But according to the Chinese government, it's not pollution, but "bad weather"  (marketplace.org) (125)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Spiffy 100-year-old doctor still makes house calls. Attributes his long life to unfiltered cigarettes, regular leechings, and a thimbleful of apple vinegar everyday  (news.cincinnati.com) (56)
(WXYZ Detroit) PSA It's time for the annual list of TOYS THAT CAN KILL YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN  (wxyz.com) (123)
(Live Science) Interesting Physics geeks' blue bosons are aching as Higgs discovery remains juuust out of reach  (livescience.com) (34)
(Smh.com.au) Ironic News: Govt Minister drops F-bomb. Fark: On live TV during children's programming hours. Total Fark: It's the guy who's setting up Australia's Big Brother net filtering... you know, for the children  (smh.com.au) (45)
(YouTube) Amusing Dance Like Nobody's Watching: Laundromat Edition  (youtube.com) (88)
(Some Heisenborg) Spiffy Researchers may have created a quantum photonic chip  (tgdaily.com) (47)
(The New York Times) Silly Giant egg resurrected to terrorize another generation of children  (nytimes.com) (46)


Mon December 12, 2011
(TSN) Obvious Haley bopped from head coaching job  (tsn.ca) (75)


Sun December 11, 2011
(Yahoo) Interesting Website offers rare glimpse of North Korean TV. Hey, it beats watching Community  (news.yahoo.com) (129)
(YouTube) Stupid In case your Sunday didn't already suck, here's the trailer for the new Battleship "movie" in which Master Chief from the Halo series decides to attack Earth. Or something  (youtube.com) (118)
(Onion AV Club) Stupid That movie you spent a lot of time watching in your bunk as a kid is being remade. No, not that one. No, not "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." That other one  (avclub.com) (175)
(Daily Mail) Strange Van Morrison's 44-year old girlfriend and mother of his youngest child, Gigi Lee, dies of cancer. Michelle Rocca, Van's wife and mother of his two other children, can hopefully help Van deal with this tragedy  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(Life.com) Amusing Still not in the Christmas spirit? Maybe this slideshow of children crying while getting their picture taken with Santa Claus will put you in the mood  (life.com) (60)
(NPR) Obvious Spandex, once a vintage ABBA hot chick wardrobe staple, making a comeback. Unfortunately this time around, it's more like sausage casing for American fatasses  (npr.org) (176)
(The Raw Story) Sick Watch as this conservative GOP audience cheers for child labor, as Upton Sinclair spins in his grave  (rawstory.com) (300)
(Some Guy) Amusing Religious groups outraged about raunchy t-shirts being sold to children in the community. "Boobies make me smile"  (couriermail.com.au) (73)


Sat December 10, 2011
(Some Guy) Sad Not news: Parents suspect kid of smoking. News: They want the kid beaten up because of it. FARK: They farm out the job to a guy known as an child-discipline "enforcer"  (duluthnewstribune.com) (50)
(Daily Mail) Followup If some chick tells you she is a doctor, and wants to make your penis bigger by injecting something into it, well, use your best judgement  (dailymail.co.uk) (117)
(Some Guy) Spiffy UFC 140 discussion thread. Jon Jones and Lyoto Machida. Plus big Nog, little Nog, pour yourself a glass of eggnog, the Hairrow and many more great fighters will take to the octagon. First fights start at 5:50pm ET  (ufc.com) (667)
(Telegraph) Stupid Reports are that 4 children were gunned down on Syrian streets. Hold on Tom, we're getting word that Angelina Jolie and her father, Jon Voight have now reconciled before the world's media  (telegraph.co.uk) (46)
(The Local (Germany)) Strange Authorities arrest 3 Chinese men in Cologne after finding 100 snakes, 70 tortoises, and 20 neon-colored frogs in their hotel room; are unsure whether they are animal dealers or had just ordered room service  (thelocal.de) (33)


Fri December 09, 2011
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Sleep easy tonight, Florida. Instead of catching murderers the police are cracking down on pizza flyer deliveries  (orlandosentinel.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Daily deal sites blamed for driving Chicago-area vegan hot dog stand out of business. It was a Chicago-area vegan hot dog stand  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (112)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman catching heat for throwing a Molotov cocktail into a home (with "Come on, baby, light my fire" mugshot goodness)  (kltv.com) (73)
(Marketwatch) Obvious Acer CEO vows to achieve profitability by switching production from cheap Taiwanese crap to overpriced Taiwanese crap  (marketwatch.com) (44)
(Gizmodo) Weird What the hell were these architects thinking?  (gizmodo.com) (165)
(Bloomberg) Fail Texas Instruments revenue falls, discovers it's tough to be in the computer business when the chips are down  (bloomberg.com) (9)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Yeah - Chinese fire drill - I love these things - we used to do them as a kid all of the ti...guys, hey, guys - that's not the way it goes  (myfoxdc.com) (34)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Spiffy Glimmer Twins: Keith Richards, Mick Jagger pay for Chicago bluesman's burial  (suntimes.com) (25)
(Fox News) Interesting Production of the Ford Econoline van will end next year. Children who are prone to accepting candy from strangers rejoice  (foxnews.com) (32)
(LiveLeak) Amusing How To Pick Up A Chick . . . try it . . . sometimes it works . . . . sometimes you get arrested . . but hey, you don't know if you don't try, right?  (liveleak.com) (32)
(Huffington Post) Stupid For the record, Mr. Cool Ice no longer has the world's douchiest tattoo. This moron's Tebow centaur has now taken the lead  (huffingtonpost.com) (93)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy S&P's chief credit officer downgraded from "employed" to "fired". This leaves him at "junk" status and available for assignment to the Chicago Cubs  (bloomberg.com) (7)
(Statesman) Sick Texas dentist caught with child porn has been sentenced to five years of having his cavities filled  (statesman.com) (66)


Thu December 08, 2011
(Herald Tribune) Florida School police officer to parents: "Sexting is a new epidemic, and it could be on your child's cell phone." Then he proved it beyond a reasonable doubt with 14 year old. That's above and beyond the call  (heraldtribune.com) (84)
(IndyStar) Sad Remember, when you drop your child off with a babysitter you found on Craigslist, you have to return later to pick him back up. "Quit (expletive) calling my phone"  (indystar.com) (121)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Archie Manning: "I talked to Andrew Luck's father and we both think it is best for everyone if Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck were not playing on the same team"  (sports.yahoo.com) (94)
(Some Mitten State resident) Spiffy Michigan and Wisconsin fight over which state looks more like a mitten. Seriously  (wtsp.com) (132)
(LA Times) Followup After dropping a quarter billion for Pujols, Angels add Rangers lefty C.J. Wilson to their pitching rotation, think that "Yankees West" has a nice ring to it  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (96)
(LA Times) Interesting It's Panda Census time in China. Subby is curious as to how they get pandas to fill out those forms  (latimes.com) (34)
(Washington Post) Obvious "Some children's cereals packed with sugar." This message brought to you by the Institute for Scientists Who Woke Up and Realized they Promised to Publish Something Today  (washingtonpost.com) (121)
(Some Guy) Stupid Gene Simmons calls Madonna a "karaoke singer", reminds you to buy the new Kiss Karaoke Machine   (theclicker.today.msnbc.msn.com) (51)
(CNN) Interesting Should nuns take birth control pills? Probably, considering their boss has a history of impregnating women without touching them  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com) (75)
(Boing Boing) Stupid The latest unfalsifiable theory from ESP proponents: ESP skeptics are psychic and use their powers to suppress ESP  (boingboing.net) (89)


Wed December 07, 2011
(Gawker) Asinine No terrorist in their right mind will attack Montcalm County, Michigan now that they have $11,700 worth of snow cone machines. Thank you, Homeland Security  (gawker.com) (80)
(BBC) Interesting The 2012 list of inductees to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has been released. Guns and Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beastie Boys make the cut. Welcome to the Geritol  (bbc.co.uk) (237)
(Daily Mail) Followup Remember the former Miss USA arrested for drunk driving in Michigan who claimed she was going to be the designated driver? Her story is about .20 percent accurate  (dailymail.co.uk) (38)
(CNN) Interesting Contrary to popular belief, atheists do take their families to church. "We thought that these individuals might be less inclined to introduce their children to religious traditions, but we found the exact opposite to be true"  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (522)
(Huffington Post) Stupid The possibility of hearing somebody ordering a Half-Lite Venti Budweiser Macchiato has just become a frightening reality  (huffingtonpost.com) (17)
(Yahoo) Scary Bill Gates developing OS with China, says it will be "low cost, very safe and generate very little waste", which means it will be full of security holes and will crash a lot. Wait, did I say OS? I meant a nuclear reactor  (news.yahoo.com) (96)
(SLTrib) Followup Federal Aviation Administrator chief Randy Babbitt downgraded from FAA to AA  (sltrib.com) (19)
(Daily Mail) Weird How many Chinese men can you fit on the end of a nail?  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)


Tue December 06, 2011
(Washington Post) Scary Woman denied food stamps responds by shooting children, self. Oh SNAP  (washingtonpost.com) (490)
(Pundit Kitchen) Strange Problem: people stealing hammers meant for breaking glass in the event of an accident. Solution: the buses in Heilongjiang, China are now equipped with emergency bricks  (news.icanhascheezburger.com) (28)
(Buffalo Beast) Amusing It's not just the Muppets; there are other children's TV shows indoctrinating socialism into our youth  (buffalobeast.com) (130)
(UPI) Interesting Study shows the potato chip you choose Lays the groundwork for determining your social status  (upi.com) (120)
(Politico) Obvious Newt Gingrich does not want to send your children into the coal mines or other heavy industry, just wants them to compete with lower level service worker parents to further deflate their wages  (politico.com) (347)
(Some Guy) Scary Ski area owner run over by nine-ton snow grooming machine is recovering nicely, feeling groovy  (pressherald.com) (31)
(Detroit Free Press) Interesting Actual headline: "Fast trains from Detroit to Chicago coming in 3-4 years." Wow; I'd sure hate to have to book a ticket on the slow train  (freep.com) (70)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Hillary Clinton says that Russian elections were rigged, suggests they try using Diebold voting machines next time  (huffingtonpost.com) (24)
(NYPost) Followup MFers ignored several warnings from chief risk officer about firm's bet on European bonds. Stupid MFers  (nypost.com) (5)


Mon December 05, 2011
(Gizmodo) Cool Voyager 1 reaches "cosmic purgatory"; continues its search for the creator, hot bald chicks  (gizmodo.com) (183)
(MSNBC) Florida Mother who tried to sell her baby for $7,000 will need to sell her other child to make bond  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (21)
(BBC) Cool Kepler-22b or not to be? Or, in other words, should we attempt to rationally analyze the first habitable planet confirmed to possibly have water, or should we just start launching whatever the hell we can at it?  (bbc.co.uk) (142)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this alluring architecture  (dl.dropbox.com) (27)
(Fox News) Obvious The EU says that chocolate doesn't help children grow, ignoring the obvious horizontal inches  (foxnews.com) (15)
(Some Guy) Stupid Lindsay Lohan decides the best way to relaunching her flagging career is to be a part of England's 'Celebrity Big Brother.' "She's a Hollywood A-lister"  (heraldsun.com.au) (54)
(News.com.au) Obvious Suddenly it hit me: People who smack their children are afraid to admit it because it has become socially unacceptable  (news.com.au) (291)
(TechEBlog) Cool Three amazing homemade Iron Man, War Machine suits  (techeblog.com) (40)
(Marketwatch) Obvious Dagong affirms China's forex credit rating. Bwooooooooooong  (marketwatch.com) (10)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Former Miss America arrested for drunk driving in Michigan, where drunk driving is technically a competition  (dailymail.co.uk) (32)
(MSNBC) Amusing US officials are desperately searching for new bad names to call Iran besides "world's fourth largest oil producer"  (msnbc.msn.com) (68)
(SFGate) Asinine Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio: tough on immigration, easy on rape and child molestation  (sfgate.com) (132)


Sun December 04, 2011
(Gawker) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Fark's 2011 Holiday List of Unsafe Children's Toys  (cache.gawker.com) (45)
(NYPost) Sad During a North Pole geography lesson, second-grade teacher informs the students that Santa doesn't exist. Why yes, some parents have a problem with this. "It's outrageous that a teacher would strip a child of their innocence"  (nypost.com) (198)


Sat December 03, 2011
(The Hollywood Reporter) Silly Eleven children's movies Republicans accuse of having "sinister liberal agendas" (slideshow)  (hollywoodreporter.com) (187)
(Some Guy) Asinine Study: People trust atheists about as much as they do rapists. "There's this persistent belief that people behave better if they feel like God is watching them." Oh for God's sake  (theblaze.com) (645)
(CNN) PSA The most popular baby names of 2011 are here, and let's welcome a whole generation of children who will get teased by kids in their class with normal, unpretentious names  (marquee.blogs.cnn.com) (439)
(io9) Interesting The child psychology of Sesame Street is brought to you by the letter 'm'...as in manipulation  (io9.com) (99)


Fri December 02, 2011
(AZCentral) Asinine 1st grader faces sexual harassment charge for punching another boy in the groin. Mom says the other kid choked her son, and says if you consider the punch to be sexual assault, then you need to charge the other boy with attempted murder  (azcentral.com) (151)
(Forbes) Dumbass Why blog for the Huffington Post for free when you can pay five grand for the privilege of fetching Arianna's coffee?  (forbes.com) (36)
(CNBC) Scary The truth about how new businesses are funded. It's like watching sausage being made, except with money  (cnbc.com) (14)
(Some Guy) Fail School bans Christmas cards. "In their effort to be PC, they've achieved the absurd"  (610wiod.com) (76)
(Fark) FarkParty REMINDER: Michiana Fark Party @ Lakeshore Grill in Elkhart TOMORROW  (fark.com) (15)
(Daily Mail) Strange Topless cereal eating, nude piano playing and a stay in a psychiatric ward. Yup - it's the latest Lady Gaga music video (sfw)  (dailymail.co.uk) (73)
(Google) Sad In 1994, Commodore Business Machines went out of business. A man on the last day of operations brought his camera along with him to record the last hours of this once epic company  (video.google.com) (45)
(Washington Post) Hero In the sickening sports world of child molestation and brute, ego-driven domination, there is one but one man whose actions show us what it means to be a leader. Bless us, oh Tebow, and show us the light  (washingtonpost.com) (57)
(YouTube) Asinine Record the police on your own property? 75 years in jail. Subsaharan Africa? China? Suprise, it's Illinois, where recording police is a Class 1 felony and carries the same sentence as rape  (youtube.com) (138)
(The Local (Sweden)) Followup Do you remember the straw goat in Sweden which they decided to cover with with ice so that it would not burn this year? Better luck next year, or start searching for water that freezes in 1500F  (thelocal.se) (31)
(Some Guy) Fail In what may be the biggest load of crap since the whole "If you've ever smoked a joint, you caused 9/11" campaign, a legislator compares copyright infringement to child porn  (techdirt.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Sad $20,000 of donated toys stolen from childrens hospital. Suspect described as 4'6 green male with a heart 2 sizes too small, last seen sitting in the window seat on the train to hell  (abc15.com) (24)
(CBS News) Dumbass "Really poor children in really poor neighborhoods have no habit of working, and they have no one around them who works" Guess which GOP candidate said it? Guess  (cbsnews.com) (504)


Thu December 01, 2011
(Discover) Interesting "Chick sexing" is not as much fun as you might think  (discovermagazine.com) (25)
(BBC) Scary Oldest Holocaust archive features gifts for under the National Socialist Christmas tree: Nazi Viewmasters, childrens' books on how to identify Jews like poisonous mushrooms, and the delightful "Juden Raus" board game  (bbc.co.uk) (91)
(YouTube) Florida One woman, 15 children by 5 babydaddys, fiancée in jail and "somebody needs to pay for ALL my chilren"  (youtube.com) (309)
(USA Today) Obvious Former diplomat warns of 'sexpionage' traps during trips to China. Ploy alleged to be extremely sophisticated, diplomat was targeted five times in the last year. Also notes Grand Hyatt Beijing is discounting through May  (content.usatoday.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Sad Nearly all of $40 million grant from Gates Foundation to improve teaching in Pittsburgh goes to administrators and consultants. All kids left behind  (pittsburghlive.com) (40)
(KTLA) Sick Public library mad because homeless people are watching porn on the computers. Article does not disclose what the hell else libraries are good for  (ktla.com) (49)
(Entertainment Weekly) Amusing Trey Parker and Robert Lopez on "Book of Mormon" Grammy nod: "The Tonys, I went kind of classy, but a little rocked out, but Grammys, I don't know. It might be like a chicken outfit or something? A chicken costume?"  (music-mix.ew.com) (21)
(Deadspin) Video Michigan State cheerleader falls, breaks face, lies motionless on the floor. Then the PA system starts playing "The Final Countdown"  (deadspin.com) (65)
(MacWorld) Cool Completing transition from "hot jogger chick with sledgehammer" to "bespectacled Orwellian overlord," Apple is expected to become the world's top PC maker in 2012  (macworld.com) (88)
(Huffington Post) Amusing Farks favorite Taiwanese animators take on the American Airlines bankruptcy. With bonus fighter jets, fat cat tycoons and a panda bear punching out a gate agent  (huffingtonpost.com) (11)
(E! Online) Dumbass Coming up next on today's edition of "You're Doing it Wrong," Courtney Love offers sobriety coaching to Lindsay Lohan  (eonline.com) (18)
(CNNGo) Cool World's first chocolate theme park travels through China. Though it still lacks all-you-can-eat live chocolate puppies, it's nice to see Homer Simpson's greatest vision one step closer to being realized  (cnngo.com) (40)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting Throwing poop is a sign of intelligence in chimps; inner workings of Congress remain inexplicable  (physorg.com) (11)


Wed November 30, 2011
(YouTube) Spiffy Five essentials of a good fight scene: 1. A furry in a chicken suit. 2. An English schoolboy. 3. A dominatrix. 4. A blow-up sex doll, and 5. A whip  (youtube.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Florida Strange Lovecraftian restaurant opens in secretive town occupied by psychics... guess where  (dieselpunks.org) (54)
(Washington Post) Obvious "Communism is no longer a system in China. It's just a brand name that officials haven't figured out how to ditch"  (washingtonpost.com) (252)
(Myrtle Beach Sun News) Scary We have located Jabba the Hutt. She is beating her children with curtain rods (see photo)  (thesunnews.com) (91)
(The Sun) Sick What's worse than ordering a chicken wrap from your favorite restaurant and biting into a dead frog? Ordering a chicken wrap from your favorite restaurant and biting into a live frog  (thesun.co.uk) (45)
(Washington Post) Unlikely A team of Georgetown students, studying blogs, Google Maps, and a Chinese TV military docudrama, says China has a 3,000 mile long network of underground rail tunnels housing as many as 4,000 nuclear warheads  (washingtonpost.com) (108)
(Quad City Times) Sick ...yeah, this guy has creep pedophile and child pornographer written all over him  (qctimes.com) (125)


Tue November 29, 2011
(Ars Technica) Unlikely Activision CEO: Star Wars The Old Republic may not make EA any money. EA CEO: It will be profitable. George Lucas: Who cares, cha-ching  (arstechnica.com) (163)
(Some Guy) Strange Burglar makes himself at home while on the job by showering, wearing resident's clothes, making tacos and cookies, then watching a movie  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (38)
(G4TV) Weird Today's WTF video comes directly from Skyrim, where there are far, far creepier things than simply being a gamer nerd (SFW, but probably don't want the boss to catch you watching it)  (g4tv.com) (70)
(Lost Lettermen) Amusing Jim Tressel, former National Championship-winning head coach of THE Ohio State University, interviewing for the coaching vacancy at THE University of Akron  (lostlettermen.com) (72)
(Yahoo) Amusing NBA douches that went to China to play, may not get to rejoin the American NBA douches  (sports.yahoo.com) (88)
(CNSNews) Sad LaToya blubbers to 'Bubbles' in weepy reunion with Michael's chimp  (cnsnews.com) (19)
(BusinessWeek) Sick Israeli authorities apologize to pregnant NYTimes reporter who was forced to go through an X-ray machine three times and then strip searched by soldiers after she asked to avoid the x-ray machine for fear of harming her fetus  (businessweek.com) (204)
(Whatever) Spiffy Not news: Hugo winning author John Scalzi live tweets while rewatching LoTR trilogy. Still not news: Asks for dubsteb remix of Smeagol fish battering scene. Fark: Gets it the next day  (whatever.scalzi.com) (79)
(BBC) Ironic Retired Seattle police chief Norm Stamper - who led the 1999 WTO Battle for Seattle - says that police responses to the Occupy protests is too heavy handed, blames the militarization of local police by Homeland Security  (bbc.co.uk) (105)
(Fox News) Sick Super cool: You land a foursome with three hot chicks. Still kinda cool: They're all drunk at the bar you own. Not cool: Their combined ages add up to 36  (foxnews.com) (117)
(Some Old Trou) Amusing Note: If you're trying to impress chicks at West Point, don't wear an 'Old Trou' t-shirt  (wtsp.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Interesting UN officials say mariachi music is a vanishing cultural tradition. Obviously they've never eaten at a Mexican restaurant in any strip mall in Phoenix  (couriermail.com.au) (45)


Mon November 28, 2011
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Teen who needs to spend more time watching Ric Romero dismayed when the racy pics she uploaded wind up on porn sites  (palmbeachpost.com) (550)
(Yahoo) Unlikely A lawyer for Chick-fil-A said in a letter that the use of the "eat more kale" message is likely to cause confusion of the public with their phrase "eat mor chikin"  (finance.yahoo.com) (150)
(Forbes) Scary The wheels are coming off of China's cheaply constructed economy  (forbes.com) (90)
(Boing Boing) Cool How to make a home-made pocket-sized espresso machine with a tiny alcohol stove  (boingboing.net) (22)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Gun club invites children to pose with Santa, $80,000 machine guns (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (223)


Sun November 27, 2011
(Washington Post) Asinine All the governments that haven't sold children as farm slaves, take a step forward. Not so fast, Switzerland  (washingtonpost.com) (70)
(Wall Street Journal) Hero China eliminating the Liberal Arts  (blogs.wsj.com) (262)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Father of the Year candidate is a 34-year-old on welfare, has had 15 children with 13 different women, and has two more on the way. Bonus: His name is Cumming  (dailymail.co.uk) (280)
(Some Guy) Sick First they took away in-flight meals, then they added checked baggage fees. Now Delta airlines won't even let you watch child porn on your flight  (ksl.com) (97)


Sat November 26, 2011
(ESPN) Fail Ohio State University loses to Michigan, no longer fit to have "The" used when talking about them  (scores.espn.go.com) (108)
(Daily Mail) Fail School tries segregating children so the white kids won't feel like minorities. Fark: In Norway. It turns øut, søme peøple have a prøblem with that  (dailymail.co.uk) (243)
(Some Guy) Stupid A Quebec school board is going to monitor children at school to ensure that they only speak French, even during recess. This a repeat from 1984  (ottawacitizen.com) (192)
(The Sun) Scary Stay away from the parking ticket machines, HE HATES THESE PARKING TICKET MACHINES  (thesun.co.uk) (38)


Fri November 25, 2011
(Spinner) Cool Florence and the Machine cover Drake's Take Care, manage to do the impossible and make it sound good  (spinner.com) (32)
(UPI) Asinine Chinese firm states it will not accept applications from Scorpios or Virgos. An idea this stupid was probably the brainchild of some Leo; those guys are all dicks  (upi.com) (27)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting When will artificial molecular machines start working for us? Let's ask Skynet  (physorg.com) (4)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Tampa police prepare for the anarchist invasion as Republican National Convention comes to town. No, really  (tampabay.com) (66)
(FOX6Now) Fail Man sends disk with child porn on it to a news station in an attempt to frame his landlord. The end result didn't turn out as he expected  (fox6now.com) (28)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Wife of former Chicago Mayor Richard Daley dies, is not expected to miss any elections as a result  (chicagotribune.com) (34)
(Wimp) Video Chihuahua sinks all billiard balls, but does scratch  (wimp.com) (20)
(Huffington Post) Silly Sue Paterno told to leave swimming pool on the Penn State campus. Before you get outraged, remember, her husband's no longer a university employee and techincally she was trespassing  (huffingtonpost.com) (219)


Thu November 24, 2011
(Some Guy) Strange If the wolf died of old age instead of hunting or poaching, then it's ethical to wear his carcass on airplane rides and the movie Twilight  (thebloggess.com) (58)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Followup Bears settle for Josh McCown after the Chiefs settle for Kyle Orton  (suntimes.com) (24)
(Des Moines Register) Photoshop More than 600 children, ranging in age from 5 to 12, drew and colored turkeys for a newspaper, which then put them online. Surely, Farkers can do better (Instashop, VE)  (desmoinesregister.com) (13)
(Short List) Interesting Brian Eno composed Windows 95 chime on a Mac. Basically no need to click the link, that's the story. Okay bye-bye  (shortlist.com) (87)


Wed November 23, 2011
(Houston Chronicle) Amusing Brian Ching : "I'd rather retire than play for Montreal if I'm selected by them in the expansion draft" Montreal : "With the first pick of the expansion draft, we select Brian Ching"  (chron.com) (77)
(Politico) Amusing "The intellectual level of debate in the Senate and the House is very low, and it's in that context that Gingrich comes off as more profound than he really is. He is the tallest building in Wichita"  (politico.com) (70)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Rick Hilton says son Conrad was completely sober, merely hit two parked cars because he was trying to avoid a dog that ran in front of him. Then went home to his wife, Morgan Fairchild  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(Seattle Times) Dumbass Owner of seafood firm charged in poaching. NEXT TIME PAN FRY, STUPID  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (11)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Weird Not news: Homeless man breaks into luxury townhouse in downtown Chicago, puts on homeowner's clothes, defrosts his lobster. News: It was White Sox GM Kenny Williams' house, and the guy was arrested wearing his 2005 WS ring  (suntimes.com) (27)


Tue November 22, 2011
(Reuters) Obvious American voters finally realize that both sides are bad and we are governed by a pack of feckless children. This is great news for BasilMarceaux.com  (reuters.com) (77)
(Starpulse) Obvious Kris Humphries suing Kim Kardashian for $10 million. That's a lot of anal bleaching  (starpulse.com) (39)
(ESPN) Spiffy Despite not pitching a single inning, Ryan Braun wins the NL MVP  (espn.go.com) (46)
(Economist) Scary Will this never end? China's debt problem: "Analysts guess that 30%-60% of these loans may turn sour"  (economist.com) (31)
(MSNBC) Asinine Couple who named their children Adolf Hitler, Aryan Nation and Honzlynn Hinler have new baby taken by the state. What the heil?  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (127)
(CNNGo) Spiffy Fried chicken & beer, and 39 other dishes Koreans and the Red Sox pitchers can't live without  (cnngo.com) (27)
(Mercury News) Fail Hewlett-Packard profits down 91%. Company tries desperately to reboot earnings, investors look to cache in their chips  (mercurynews.com) (37)
(Bloomberg) Sad Remember the excitement of watching the University of Maryland compete in swimming? Well ...hold on to those memories  (bloomberg.com) (31)
(Smh.com.au) Fail Store forced to withdraw a line of underwear for young children that carries slogans such as "call me" and "I ♥ rich boys"  (smh.com.au) (59)
(USA Today) Obvious Soccer is really catching on in the states  (content.usatoday.com) (162)


Mon November 21, 2011
(New Scientist) Interesting Palaeontologists discover first evidence that dinosaurs ate birds. Those stone buckets from Pangaea Fried Chicken were a big tipoff  (newscientist.com) (10)
(ESPN) Interesting Which Tom Brady will show up tonight: the Super Bowl winning legend, or Jake-winning 4 INTs in one game Brady? Great Googly Moogly, it's the New England Patriots vs. the Kansas City Chiefs on Monday Night Football, 8:30 PM ET on ESPN  (espn.go.com) (775)
(Some Guy) Dumbass While running aroung like a chicken with his head cut off squawking about creating jobs, Obama fails to notice that his signature health care law is doing the exact opposite  (blog.heritage.org) (190)
(The New York Times) Followup UC Davis suspends Police Chief in pepper spray incident, three days after two campus police officers sprayed SEATED protesters during an OWS demonstration  (nytimes.com) (527)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Congressman ChildSupport (R-IL): "Veterans who protest don't understand this country"  (huffingtonpost.com) (256)


Sun November 20, 2011
(CNN) Asinine Newt Gingrich: Laws preventing child labor are "truly stupid"   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (529)
(Some Kid) Photoshop Photoshop this cheesy child  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(Yahoo) Amusing How do you troll the entire state of Michigan? Like this  (rivals.yahoo.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Scary "If social workers and judges can take your child away without due process, the Constitution is nothing more than a piece of paper the powerful can continue to ignore with impunity"  (washingtonexaminer.com) (316)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious Chicago Sun-Times learns that "scamming the scammer" is actually fun  (suntimes.com) (49)
(I Heart Chaos) Interesting FYI, if you're taking your e-ink reader on a plane over the holidays, there's a chance that static from the x-ray machines could permanently destroy the display. Or you could bring a real book  (iheartchaos.com) (87)


Sat November 19, 2011
(Jalopnik) Cool For sale: One slightly used time machine. May require locomotive assistance to get up to 88MPH. Contact E.L. Brown for more information  (jalopnik.com) (45)
(Talking Points Memo) Dumbass Michele Bachmann: "Solyndra makes Watergate look like child's play"  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com) (154)
(YouTube) Cool Bad: Being burglarized. Worse: Being burglarized a second time. Fark: Watching the second burglary live via camera and calling 911  (youtube.com) (45)
(Onion AV Club) Interesting Good: The producers of "Ender's Game" may have finally found a decent choice to play Ender. BAD: They see the Ender series as "the next Harry Potter franchise"  (avclub.com) (142)


Fri November 18, 2011
(The New York Times) Asinine Iran mildly rebuked by UN agency. Not as powerful as a strongly worded letter, but more powerful than "Oh you mischievous scamp"  (nytimes.com) (28)
(LA Times) Sick Colleagues say that casting director really had a great feel for working with children. Police say that's precisely the problem  (latimes.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Sad Man dies in wood chipper accident. Aw, geez. And it's a beautiful day  (ksdk.com) (65)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Asinine Day care teacher pierces child's ears after obtaining permission from: a) the parents, b) the legal guardian, or c) the five-year-old  (star-telegram.com) (46)
(FrogSoda) Fail Beer Fail... I did shed a tear after watching this  (frogsoda.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Canadian univeristy's marching band suspended for pamphlets with titles like "Mouth raping your little sister since 1905"  (queensjournal.ca) (65)
(YouTube) Silly Flight of the...chihuahua?  (youtube.com) (13)


Thu November 17, 2011
(ESPN) Sick Long time assistant coach at major university being investigated for child molestation. No, not that one  (espn.go.com) (75)
(Boing Boing) Sad San Francisco's iconic neon Yahoo to come down. Don't bother searching for it  (boingboing.net) (21)
(Slanch Report) Dumbass College marching band makes fun of own team, gets banned by the school for the final game of the season. Fark: team is 0-9  (slanchreport.com) (26)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious 252 million years ago Earth lost most of its animals and plants because aliens ate them all, big green grasshopper aliens, with heat rays and sucking machines. OK, it could have been a volcano but I think it was aliens  (abc.net.au) (46)
(Forbes) Unlikely "Gold: Chicken Soup For Ailing Portfolios." Okay, who let Glenn Beck into the kitchen again?  (forbes.com) (9)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you've just received custody of your children, taking them on your shoplifting run is probably not the best idea  (wtsp.com) (17)
(Yahoo) Amusing What does a HS dropout making $200k a year spend his money on? Aye chihuahua  (finance.yahoo.com) (55)
(Daily Mail) Followup Here is what the hell China was up to in the desert  (dailymail.co.uk) (74)
(Fark) FarkParty Michiana (Michigan-Indiana area) Fark Party @ Lakeshore Grill in Elkhart  (fark.com) (25)


Wed November 16, 2011
(Yahoo) Sad Well, at least the Chinese have moved on to rare, plant-based, ingredients for their aphrodisiacs, so that's progress, I guess  (news.yahoo.com) (78)
(MSNBC) Amusing Updo your hair and set phasers to nerd: It's Captain Kirk vs. Princess Leia in a battle of the sci-fi franchises   (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com) (166)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Police arrrest Chinese mine boss after he fakes being trapped. Cops afraid that after a quick release he may go underground  (dailymail.co.uk) (6)
(Some Guy) Hero American pilot bombed innocent German children after WWII  (futilitycloset.com) (203)
(wsbtv) Dumbass Teen gets stuck in chimney while trying to break into house. Cops say it's very common during the flue season  (wsbtv.com) (22)
(NPR) Interesting Are you a child molester who didn't get caught? Well, Lester, you can thank Sandusky for what's about to happen next  (npr.org) (149)
(The Epoch Times) Scary China: the Enron of countries: "Every province in China is Greece", "The regime's officially published GDP of 9 percent is also fabricated . . . China's GDP has decreased 10 percent"  (theepochtimes.com) (95)


Tue November 15, 2011
(My San Antonio) Asinine "Man accused of robbing restaurant with child in car" rather than a more traditional weapon, like a knife or a gun  (mysanantonio.com) (29)
(Yahoo) Interesting Crime novelist says he has uncovered evidence that Jane Austen may have been murdered. Police are now looking for a high-school English student with access to a time machine  (news.yahoo.com) (93)
(Showbiz Spy) Scary Pink wants more kids, has a name with self-contained instructions on where to stick it in order to achieve that goal  (showbizspy.com) (32)


Mon November 14, 2011
(Metronews.ca) Cool Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music....So happy b'day XBox  (metronews.ca) (59)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Creepy Sandusky interview from 1987 "I enjoy being around children. I enjoy their enthusiasm I just have a good time with them." Okay, maybe there were red flags we missed  (huffingtonpost.com) (306)
(Forbes) Scary China's economy is about to land harder than a fat kid falling off a bike  (forbes.com) (46)
(CNN) Interesting Tablet computers are being used for game film and playbooks in the NFL. Which will happen first: A) Player tweets himself naked in the locker room or B) Belichick misinterprets the rules on hacking?  (cnn.com) (28)
(BBC) Interesting Wind machines on the Galloway crutches / Discount turbines on the Dumfriesshire buses / GOT A DEVIL'S BEEF TUB ON MY MIND  (bbc.co.uk) (31)
(Bloomberg) Hero Obama has had enough of China's pegging and reaming of the dollar  (bloomberg.com) (56)
(Gizmodo) Strange China, what the hell are you building in the middle of the desert?  (gizmodo.com) (169)
(NYPost) Dumbass Stay classy, Bill Belichick  (nypost.com) (81)
(Smh.com.au) Obvious Coincidentally, the Iranian arms chief spontaneously detonates. Coincidentally  (smh.com.au) (72)
(Reuters) Obvious China has altered the trading rules. PRAY they don't alter them further  (reuters.com) (18)
(The Missoulian) Scary Actual quote from daycare owner turned child molester to police: she was "4 going on 40"  (missoulian.com) (155)
(Daily Mail) Sick Guess what the Catholic Church's chief paedophile investigator was just arrested for. Go ahead...guess  (dailymail.co.uk) (206)


Sun November 13, 2011
(CNN) Interesting Fareed Zakaria urges caution before launching into war with Iran, even if we are rushing to get the complete Middle East War collection   (globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com) (171)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida The red-breasted screeching harpies have begun their migration  (sun-sentinel.com) (26)
(Daily Mail) Sad Your turkey is $15 more this year. Thanks to China eating more meat  (dailymail.co.uk) (113)
(Fox News) Dumbass Obama to China: The United States is "lazy"  (politics.blogs.foxnews.com) (128)


Sat November 12, 2011
(CSMonitor) Strange Due to rising wedding costs, couples in China are now getting married naked  (csmonitor.com) (62)
(Metro) Cool Can you create an arcade game out of a washing machine? SURE YOU CAN  (metro.co.uk) (16)
(MSNBC) Interesting Good: Children under 11 now being tested for high cholesterol. Difficulty: Scores are 200 points higher than IQ  (msnbc.msn.com) (20)
(Washington Post) Followup The U.S. trade deficit narrows to lowest point of year at $43.1 billion with record exports of American autos, heavy machinery, jobs  (washingtonpost.com) (21)
(ESPN) Obvious No Premier League games, but the international friendlies are going on today with South Africa v Ivory Coast, Wales v Norway, and the match everybody's watching: England v Spain  (soccernet.espn.go.com) (68)
(WSAZ) Scary Not news: Mother has drug problem. News: Mother nods off with syringe still in arm. Fark: In the Go-Mart parking lot with two-year-old child beside her in front seat  (wsaz.com) (89)


Fri November 11, 2011
(TMZ) Fail Today's stupid celebrity baby name goes to Bachelor "Winner" Shayne Lamas, who gave birth to daughter Press Dahl Lamas-Richie  (tmz.com) (36)
(TMZ) Followup Sasha Grey will not quit reading to children. Here's her rebuttal  (tmz.com) (206)
(YouTube) Amusing Elderly Chinese choir takes on Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance"... and it's actually kinda good  (youtube.com) (26)
(NJ.com) Interesting NCIS Cold Case Homicide working on 1992 Marine murder. There is no Prime Suspect, but they hope a new Dragnet by the Numb3rs will restore Law & Order by catching these Criminal Minds  (nj.com) (61)
(Ohio.com) Cool Adopted dog pays dividends by catching burglar mere hours after coming home from the pound  (ohio.com) (116)
(WLSAM) Sad Man dies after jumping into Lake Michigan. Authorities suspect that he succumbed to pier pressure  (wlsam.com) (27)
(Orion) Interesting ''As we gazed into each other's eyes, Athena encircled my arms with hers, latching on with first dozens, then hundreds of her sensitive, dexterous suckers''  (orionmagazine.org) (47)
(Some Guy) Followup It turns out a controversial Chinese restaurant wasn't really serving koala meat to customers. It was bamboo rat meat  (couriermail.com.au) (40)
(HPCwire) Interesting Chinese supercomputer creates a virus. And actually, that's a good thing  (hpcwire.com) (18)
(msn) Weird Man watching chopping event gets hit by flying axe head. Large crowd, numerous competitors only adze to the confusion  (news.msn.co.nz) (16)
(Telegraph) Obvious Psychologist says a stiff drink will help your child with anger issues  (telegraph.co.uk) (46)
(TMZ) Sad Legendary Chicago Bear Willie Gault's Super Bowl ring has been picked off  (tmz.com) (33)
(BBC) Cool After 70 years, a WWII era Spitfire that crashed in 1941 is unearthed. Cool: The plane is in astounding condition. Ultracool: The Browning machine guns are built to last (w/ video)  (bbc.co.uk) (149)
(Yahoo) Interesting If Fred Jackson's looking for extra motivation for game against the Dallas Cowboys, Jerry Jones tore down his childhood home  (sports.yahoo.com) (19)


Thu November 10, 2011
(YouTube) Spiffy Check out this spiffy ad for "Bojangles Fried Chicken" from their soon to be fired ad agency  (youtube.com) (61)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Asinine "Law & Order: SVU" actress Tamara Tunie scammed out of $1 milion by her accountant. This is her story. *CHA-CHING*  (hollywoodreporter.com) (23)
(Yahoo) Cool Texas scientist achieves "invisibility cloak" technology, which is great news for Rick Perry  (news.yahoo.com) (116)
(LA Times) Obvious A woman is charged with one misdemeanor count of child abuse for locking her daughter in a closet for 6 hrs. over bad grades. Phhhhttt, that's nothing. My mother once took away my Xbox for a WHOLE WEEK after I made a "D"  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (96)
(CNN) Interesting In Sweden, a generation of unruly, awful children has grown up because they've never been spanked. Oh wait, you mean they're productive citizens with a lower crime rate than the US? Move along, nothing to see here  (edition.cnn.com) (204)
(Daily Mail) Misc Four men reveal how they were duped into fathering children without any say in the matter. Blah blah blah, shut up and write the check, deadbeat  (dailymail.co.uk) (164)


Wed November 09, 2011
(TwinCities.com) Scary Same old story. You meet a hot chick online, so you hop a bus to Milwaukee and have a few drinks. But then it turns out she's all werewolfy and into knife sex; and there you are, alone in the middle of a strange city with 300 stab wounds  (twincities.com) (97)
(Some MI Zombie Mayor) Amusing Chicago: The dead vote. Michigan: The dead get voted for. Fark: They get elected  (wlns.com) (33)
(Huffington Post) Scary Another child takes the washing machine out for a spin. It's a never ending cycle  (huffingtonpost.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Stupid Chinese want the Real Madrid-Barcelona game to be played at mid-day to make it more convenient for them to bandwagon Real  (goal.com) (18)
(MSNBC) Scary Vladimir Putin finds Soviet-era weather-control machine, points it at Sarah Palin's front porch, and flips ALL the switches  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (84)
(Some Guy) AudioEdit Create an audio version of an email hoax. Write your own or follow link to hoax archive  (hoax-slayer.com) (13)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Silly City of Chicago plans on selling ad space on trash cans, pay boxes, and pretty much anything that will earn them a few bucks  (suntimes.com) (36)
(UPI) Obvious Want to save $3,300 a year? Quit smoking like a chimney  (upi.com) (142)
(CBS News) Interesting Methamphetamine tied to schizophrenia tied to methamphetamine tied to schizophrenia  (cbsnews.com) (79)
(Marketwatch) Scary China threatens massive release of greenhouse gasses unless "climate ransom" is paid. But you've got a Prius, solar panels, and all those carbon credits, so no worries  (marketwatch.com) (177)


Tue November 08, 2011
(The Mighigan Messenger) Followup First amendment scholar on Michigan's "License to Bully" bill: "WTF am I reading?"  (michiganmessenger.com) (59)
(STV.tv) Interesting Mena Suvari wants to have children. Line forms behind me, fellas  (entertainment.stv.tv) (91)
(National Parks Traveler) Sad Four men get jail time for digging up ginseng in national park, as authorities look to root out poaching of endangered plant  (nationalparkstraveler.com) (45)
(TBO) Florida Occupy Tampa protesters take up tai chi and ice skating to occupy the hours. "You can't be angry all the time"  (www2.tbo.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Florida You finally got your wife to agree to that threesome, so of course when she starts making out with the other chick you beat her with your belt then throw a TV at her  (naplesnews.com) (145)
(Crooks & Liars) Silly Because all of Michigan's problems have been solved, isn't it about time for a bill requiring the pledge of allegiance for all students?   (videocafe.crooksandliars.com) (120)
(TMZ) Asinine Forget The Chicago Fire and The Haymarket Riot. There is a looming possibility that Chicago may soon suffer a disaster more devastating, and at the same time more fabulous, than those two combined, The Great North Side Riot of 2011  (tmz.com) (29)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Chicago Bears get a rare vicktory over the Eagles  (chicagotribune.com) (85)
(Discover) Asinine Even the air in China is elitist  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (17)
(YouTube) Cool Impressive Chinese fry cooks come from all woks of life (wait for 1:02)  (youtube.com) (36)


Mon November 07, 2011
(Mediaite) Hero Chicago Board of Trade tries to help Occupy Chicago protesters: They dump a bunch of McDonalds applications on them  (mediaite.com) (659)
(adn.com) Dumbass Before you take your computer loaded with child porn to the repair shop, clear the print queue  (adn.com) (73)
(Gamma Squad) Sick Facebook group members mail chicken pox infected candy to parents who want to infect their kid with the disease instead of vaccinating. A plague on all their houses  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (250)
(ktvb.com) Dumbass Three Austrians accused of poaching elk. Dude, you're supposed to grill it on the barbie  (ktvb.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Interesting The inevitable war against the machines takes on a terrifying new twist as computers gain control over brewer's yeast  (extremetech.com) (12)
(Yahoo) Followup That 15-year old kid who stabbed a Chicago cop to death? Turns out, the cop was his grandma. Most. Awkward. Thanksgiving. Ever.  (news.yahoo.com) (105)
(YouTube) Amusing WGN (Chicago) news anchors fill two minutes of commercial time with longest choreographed handshake, ever  (youtube.com) (24)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Time to sell your Chinese stocks  (bloomberg.com) (33)
(abc local) Dumbass Good parenting: Inviting your child's friend over for a play date. Stupid parenting: Inviting your child's friend over for your play date  (abclocal.go.com) (43)
(TMZ) Followup Justin Bieber plans to take a DNA test to prove he is not the father of crazy woman's child, and sue her for spreading the completely untrue rumors that he has sex with women  (tmz.com) (61)
(PhysOrg.com) Scary China listens... TO SLAYER \m/  (physorg.com) (16)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass ...Or as they call it in Chicago, Monday  (chicagotribune.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Amusing 6'1" 280-lb. man sees how many children's rides he can fit into  (willifit.com) (50)


Sun November 06, 2011
(Detroit Free Press) Fail Man sideswipes a cop car at 1:49 AM, blows a .346 on the breathalyzer. As a bonus, he had three young children in the car with him  (freep.com) (40)
(STLToday) Stupid Move over Vanderbilt, the SEC is getting a new punching bag  (stltoday.com) (92)
(Some Guy) Cool Robbed a train full of money, became a national hero, spent the best years of his life in Brazil as a free man, and received a lifetime achievement award for his services to crime - everyman's idol  (zumaworld.blogspot.com) (42)
(BBC) Followup 34-car crash may have been caused by nearby firework display, says Chief Constable Anthony Bangham. Claim backed up by Inspector Wwwwwwooooosh and Sergeant Ffffffsssshhhhh-BOOM  (bbc.co.uk) (38)
(YouTube) Sad It's ok to cry after watching this beautiful video on the death of the Space Shuttle  (youtube.com) (44)
(The Advocate) Cool Not news: Corporations biatching about burdensome government regulations. Fark: Like the Defense of Marriage Act  (advocate.com) (89)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Woman who had her first child at age 57 thanks to in vitro fertilization now realizes she made a huge mistake  (dailymail.co.uk) (282)
(CNN) Cool No matter how hard you try you won't be able to achieve this level of badassery  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (64)
(MSNBC) Strange 84-year-old man dies in hunting accident. You know, by catching fire and falling off the tree stand  (msnbc.msn.com) (44)
(Detroit News) Hero Rescue workers save 45 Chinese miners from cave-in. YOU HERE THIRTY-SIX HOUR. YOU GO NOW  (detnews.com) (52)


Sat November 05, 2011
(Fox News) Obvious Octomom and Kate Gosselin find out that it's tough to raise litters of children without networks paying you  (foxnews.com) (128)
(Roanoke Times) Dumbass Not news: Salem High School marching band flawlessly executes halftime show with artistry and precision. Fark: with an escaped, mostly-nekkid Noid of some kind running amuck among them carrying a stolen flag  (roanoke.com) (46)


Fri November 04, 2011
(SanDiegoUnionTribune) Followup Woman who claims to have Bieber's love child could face rape charges; you read that right  (signonsandiego.com) (131)
(The Register) Followup China outraged by US cyberspying fingering, would have preferred to make out for a bit and engage in some heavy petting first  (theregister.co.uk) (24)
(My Fox DC) Sick An engaged couple, expecting their first child, have found out they are actually brother and sister. Relax West Virginia...not this time  (myfoxdc.com) (157)
(Daily Mail) Sad 56-year-old Porky's star you've never heard of is found dead in Maui of apparent suicide. In other news, you aren't able to afford Maui because you never got the chance to "star" in Porky's franchise  (dailymail.co.uk) (67)
(Telegraph) Scary French satirical magazine goes where South Park feared to tread, proudly announces the Prophet Muhammad would be editor-in-chief of this week's issue. Molotovarity ensues  (telegraph.co.uk) (189)


Thu November 03, 2011
(New York Daily News) Strange Cops turn to Facebook to bust a machete-wielding madman who attacked two in a chicken shack  (nydailynews.com) (35)
(Boing Boing) Fail Twin Rivers police stops selling T-shirt showing child behind bars along with "U Raise 'Em, We Cage 'Em" text. Subby is offended: "tase" would have been a much better rhyme than "cage"  (boingboing.net) (120)
(AL.com) Dumbass It's never a good idea to use your Facebook status update to threaten blow up the police department, but it's an especially bad idea if you also collect child pornography  (mobile.al.com) (78)
(Nature) Cool Attention science nerds: Scientific American's online archive, dating back to 1845, is available, free of charge, for the entire month of November  (nature.com) (37)
(UPI) Interesting Riot police: "What's the matter, Kiev protesters? CHICKEN?"  (upi.com) (30)
(Talking Points Memo) Followup "I hear China ALREADY HAS nuclear capability." --Herman Cain  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com) (164)
(The Mighigan Messenger) Sick Michigan GOP: "Legalize it". And by "it", they mean bullying gay students  (michiganmessenger.com) (311)
(Onion AV Club) Obvious The AV Club's Reasonable Discussions #19: "Bono Still Needs a Cockpunching"  (avclub.com) (27)
(Huffington Post) Scary Cliff near Wisconsin power plant collapses, depositing frothy slurry of coal ash--a hearty blend of selenium, lead, mercury and arsenic--into the cool blue waters of Lake Michigan. Drink up, folks  (huffingtonpost.com) (170)
(Starpulse) Sad Hugh Jackman cried while watching "Real Steel," presumably from regret  (starpulse.com) (57)
(Kickstarter) Plug Old-school Farker is launching a Kickstarter campaign for a new game. Come check it out; if you like it you could help a fellow Farker out  (kickstarter.com) (75)
(Mother Nature Network) Scary Remember when the TSA rolled out those nude x-ray machines and glossed over cancer concerns? Yeah, about that  (mnn.com) (163)
(CNNGo) Sick Disturbingly popular trend in China has couples wearing matching outfits wherever they go. As if China hasn't already manufactured enough products that make you sick  (cnngo.com) (116)


Wed November 02, 2011
(Des Moines Register) Ironic Parents went to their child's school to discuss a fight, wind up getting into a fight (w/mugshot that will leave no doubts in your mind)  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (128)
(Some Guy) Weird The old ESPN Zone in DC is auctioning off everything. So you can get nostalgic over watching 37 games at once and paying $15 for a burger while doing it  (rasmus.com) (30)
(BBC) Unlikely Russian and Chinese companies most likely to bribe. In other news, Unlikely tag seen driving a new Audi R8  (bbc.co.uk) (12)
(YouTube) Interesting The string of Chinese clones continues: now they got a half-Chinese clone of Lindsay Lohan  (youtube.com) (19)
(ESPN) Followup Chicago Cubs fire Quade, start the reactor  (espn.go.com) (36)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida St. Thomas Aquinas high school suspends four for marijuana abuse. This sort of thing would be allowed at St. Malachi's or St. Augustine's  (sun-sentinel.com) (31)
(With Leather) Scary If the villain from "Cape Fear" covered himself with Chicago Bears tattoos, he'd be this guy  (withleather.uproxx.com) (13)
(NYPost) PSA WARNING: Occupy Wall Street may cause a burning, itching sensation  (nypost.com) (121)
(io9) Strange Q: How did the Welsh chicken dresser smell after he cut his finger? A: With his nose, and also awful for five years  (io9.com) (8)


Tue November 01, 2011
(Hollyscoop) Unlikely Jessica Simpson says weight gain was great for business. #CHINNING  (hollyscoop.com) (29)
(Shanghaiist) Stupid Herman Cain: "I hear China is trying to develop nuclear weapons." Possibly because they developed nuclear weapons in 1964. VE  (shanghaiist.com) (449)
(Mass Live) PSA Western Massachusetts residents still without electricity, Lady Schicks. Supplies of granola and Ani DiFranco CDs needed urgently  (masslive.com) (64)
(Popular Science) Followup Chinese officials deny hacking US satellites, tampering with Coca-Cola cans  (popsci.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Cool Baltimore's original NFL franchise certificate found in trash and restored. Art Modell still wanted by people in Cleveland for Libyan dictator-style questioning   (sportscollectorsdaily.com) (42)
(AZCentral) Asinine For Halloween, did you hand out: A) Chocolates? B) Candies? C) Comic book-style pamphlets about fearing God in which three children die, one by hanging himself?  (azcentral.com) (267)
(AL.com) Amusing Japanese used panty vending machine technology surpassed by American fresh meat vending machine. Your dog wants slot B6  (blog.al.com) (37)
(Medical Express) Interesting Two independent research groups fi- *kill everybody* that there are three areas of the human genome wh- *kill everybody* responsible for schizophrenia  (medicalxpress.com) (16)
(Main Street Plaza) Asinine Alan Osmond reveals the secret behind the legendary Osmonds machismo  (latterdaymainstreet.com) (9)
(CNN) Fail Chiefs win the Monday Night Football game, Philip Rivers wins the costume contest for his excellent Tony Romo outfit  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (180)
(BBC) Amusing Pete Townshend takes time out from 'researching' child porn to blast Apple as vampires  (bbc.co.uk) (52)


Mon October 31, 2011
(ESPN) Interesting Will we see the Epic Riversface of Defeat, or will the Chefs play like their usual selves? It's the San Diego Chargers vs. the Kansas City Chiefs on Monday Night Football (8:30 PM on ESPN)  (espn.go.com) (1381)
(Guardian) Asinine Psychic "too busy" to claim million dollar prize. Who knew?  (guardian.co.uk) (494)
(Daily Mail) Sick Teacher arrested for forgetting to tell his tween students that he was teaching them what happens when a hidden camera is under a desk and you're wearing a skirt  (dailymail.co.uk) (83)
(Daily Mail) Strange Old and busted: Vegan food. New Hotness: Caveman Food. Not to mention you can save 15% by switching your car insurance  (dailymail.co.uk) (84)
(Some Guy) Cool Your science experiment sucks since it doesn't involve a hot french chick on friggin' superconducting hoverboard  (wired.co.uk) (29)


Sun October 30, 2011
(New York Daily News) Hero Michele Bachmann: I would 'not do anything' for children of illegal immigrants, We don't owe them anything,"  (nydailynews.com) (246)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Cool Meet a guy that restores pinball machines for a living. Pac-man sucks  (startribune.com) (48)
(Some Guy) Obvious If ever there was a reason to do a background check on someone, this is it: "Jon and Kate Plus 8" TV editor arrested for child porn  (huliq.com) (62)
(YouTube) Weird Chicken rides tortoise. Your argument is invalid  (youtube.com) (12)


Sat October 29, 2011
(Entertainment Weekly) Obvious So, everyone watched the premieres of Grimm and Chuck last night. Naw, just kidding, everyone was watching the World Series. Now next week, Fox will see their ratings win decline as Fringe will be back  (insidetv.ew.com) (48)
(Fox News) Obvious 10 ways to not being an annoying airplane passenger. Leaving your screaming children at home strangely absent  (foxnews.com) (390)
(Fox News) Obvious And now for a Mormon who got people stormin' over children adornin' themselves - the church is now messing with children cross dressing and won't allow unisex elves  (foxnews.com) (159)
(AP) Stupid US Border Patrol stops routinely searching buses, trains and airports for illegal immigrants at transportation hubs along the northern border that's been great for tracking down people here illegally. Psst: It's now ok, illegals  (hosted.ap.org) (121)
(MSNBC) Scary Vampire stars, Frankensatellites, Children of the Corn and a meteor shower. Your all star Halloween lineup... FROM SPACE  (msnbc.msn.com) (6)
(Science Daily) Interesting 2,700 year old picture of childbirth found at Etruscan dig site, complete with inscription reading "GIVE ME MY EPIDURAL OR I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF WITH THAT FARKING STETHOSCOPE"  (sciencedaily.com) (25)
(Yahoo) Cool Can Wisconsin bounce back? Can Michigan State keep up the momentum? Is Kansas State for real? And will Stanford's SOS finally be higher than Boise's? It's your college football discussion thread  (rivals.yahoo.com) (lots)
(IndyChannel) Weird Most think breaking into a day care and trying on children's swim suits is not acceptable behavior. Then there is this guy  (theindychannel.com) (22)


Fri October 28, 2011
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Chicago to make Lake Shore Drive safer during blizzards, because warning people for two days that they'll get stuck on it didn't work last year  (chicagotribune.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Here's a couple of suggestions when the cops come looking for your child porn: Don't have it scrolling on your computer, and don't answer the door naked  (wlwt.com) (35)
(CNN) Interesting IBM's new chief "literally bleeds blue." Maybe she ought to have that looked at  (tech.fortune.cnn.com) (31)


Thu October 27, 2011
(Telegraph) Scary It's bad enough you burglars broke in and stole my stuff, but at least shut the window when you're done so a fox can't sneak in and eat my child  (telegraph.co.uk) (98)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Pilferer pinched for pot possession post pumpkin pitching  (nj.com) (30)
(STLToday) Strange A point of contention at The Clan of the Barbarian as to whether or not they were the first permitted sadomasochism club in the state, is offset by becoming the fist sadomasochism club in the state to be stripped of its permit by the city  (stltoday.com) (36)
(ABC) Followup Some conspiracy theorists have a problem with the "Asian chicks are so limber that they can tie their hands and feet together and then hang themselves" reasoning in Zahu suicide finding  (abcnews.go.com) (92)
(Stuff.co.nz) Sad If the father of your unborn child crashes into a liquor store while trying to evade police, and runs off leaving you stuck in the car - you may have made some bad life choices  (stuff.co.nz) (29)


Wed October 26, 2011
(Kansas City) Unlikely If you had "Chicago" as the first team to make an offer to TO, come collect your prize  (kansascity.com) (51)
(Washington Post) Sappy Bruce Willis and wife expecting first child. Yippie-ki-yay, mother, father  (washingtonpost.com) (41)
(CBS Local) Weird Dog missing in Tennessee turns up in Michigan, and boy, are his paws tired  (detroit.cbslocal.com) (23)
(Omaha World Herald) Sick Police find children in kennel. The kids were initially very rowdy but calmed down when police threatened to get out the paper  (omaha.com) (52)
(IndyStar) Followup Indianapolis Colts place Kerry Collins, entire coaching staff on injured reserve  (indystar.com) (52)
(Daily Mail) Amusing If you are hot for chicks who smell like marmite, beer and pickles, then this is great news  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(I Got A Rock) Asinine Food allergy jihadists set up alternative Halloween in abandoned parking lot in Tuscon. Naturally, they've outlawed costumes, pumpkins, and candy, but children will certainly thrill to the awesome spectacle of tar fumes and 120 degree heat  (blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com) (150)
(The Register) Interesting Google/Youtube take down request by country: UK wanted to ban Jihadist, Germany Nazis, US wanted videos of police brutality removed, Japan didn't want to have remove anything and China is a state-secret  (theregister.co.uk) (51)
(Some Guy) Amusing China to curb 'overly entertaining' TV shows. Don't worry, Jay Leno - you're safe  (duluthnewstribune.com) (21)


Tue October 25, 2011
(Some Guy) Interesting Are you smoking because you're depressed, or depressed because you're smoking? Here's comes the science, chicken, egg  (dc101.com) (97)
(The Register) Silly Cisco chief's package shrinks 65%. HE WAS IN THE POOL. THE WATER WAS COLD  (theregister.co.uk) (15)
(Washington Post) Obvious Obama administration struggling with the thorny question of whether scientists should inject healthy children with the anthrax vaccine to see if it protects them against a bioterrorism attack. Yeah, some people have issues with this  (washingtonpost.com) (79)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Beluga whale from Chicago travels over state lines for immoral porpoises  (chicagotribune.com) (56)


Mon October 24, 2011
(Discovery) Sad Children in the U.S. are tops in receiving bad marks  (news.discovery.com) (94)
(Bleacher Report) Amusing A Patriot and a porn star? What would Belichick and Goodell say? (safe for work)  (bleacherreport.com) (71)
(Townhall) Interesting "Watching handsome high rollers head to prison is no doubt an Occupy Wall Streeter's notion of ultimate bondage sex appeal"  (townhall.com) (118)
(USA Today) Followup The largest measles outbreak in over 15 years is the result of unvaccinated children and adults, most of whom are probably affiliated with quack chiropractors  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (259)
(Forbes) Interesting So, it's not the Queen, The Vatican, The Gettes, The Rotschilds or even Colonel Sanders before he went tits up  (forbes.com) (40)
(The Sun) Scary There's nothing more comforting than watching workers repair the plane with duct tape just before you take off  (thesun.co.uk) (99)


Sun October 23, 2011
(Deadline) Amusing Summit Entertainment reacts to Milla Jovovich's biatching: "She doesn't know what she's talking about and we don't know where she's coming from"  (deadline.com) (89)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Touching pictures of a father and son having special bonding time. Oh yeah, dad is also an Imperial Stormtrooper  (dailymail.co.uk) (28)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Gamer uses video game strategies to lose 150lbs, writes book about it. Achievement unlocked  (dailymail.co.uk) (48)
(YouTube) Spiffy After five years, man reunited with gorilla in West Africa which he raised from childhood. Heavy dust in the air  (youtube.com) (51)
(The Star Press) Interesting Turns out it's legal to spatchcock a chicken in all 50 states, though you wouldn't think so from the sound of it  (thestarpress.com) (32)


Sat October 22, 2011
(Boing Boing) Obvious In light of [REDACTED] Wall Street, Chinese web censors block terms related to the word [REDACTED]  (boingboing.net) (98)
(smart money) Unlikely Bill introduced to let you keep your account number when switching banks. Banking lawyers hurriedly trying to figure out a way to profit from this  (blogs.smartmoney.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Interesting Archeologists choked up over discovery of earliest domesticated chickens found in China  (news.xinhuanet.com) (12)
(STLToday) Interesting Nixon to visit China. This is not a repeat from 1972  (stltoday.com) (15)
(Smh.com.au) Strange PMILF of Australia defends her decision to bow to Queen of England instead of the traditional feminine curtsy, and to not wear a hat. Monarchists beside themselves with quiet rage, stiff upper lip  (smh.com.au) (95)


Fri October 21, 2011
(Some Guy) Followup It's official. Chicago Cubs hire Theo Epstein. Kotter jokes to the right  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (58)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If your house is "infested with demons" call an exterminator or an exorcist or an exorcisterminator, whatever, just don't kidnap your roommate's children  (bellinghamherald.com) (33)
(Detroit News) Spiffy Michigan restaurant unveils 338 pound burger, enough to feed three Totalfarkers  (detnews.com) (94)
(Washington Post) Amusing Real-life super hero movement growing. Come for the Michigan Batman, stay for the Michigan Batman. Michigan. Batman  (washingtonpost.com) (79)
(Fox News) Interesting Frito-Lay accused of deceptive advertising to teens. Company refutes claims, but still plans to launch Farmville Cool Ranch chips  (foxnews.com) (8)
(YouTube) Amusing Can't help watching only Ringo  (youtube.com) (40)


Thu October 20, 2011
(The Times of India) Scary Chinese toy guns not safe. You should probably keep an eye on your can of Coke, too  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (64)
(Bloomberg) Interesting How to give a child retirement security. No, it doesn't involve telling him to work at Wal-Mart until he's 85  (bloomberg.com) (34)
(Talking Points Memo) Interesting As BlackBerries turn out to be lemons, people start switching to Apple  (idealab.talkingpointsmemo.com) (53)
(Chicago Tribune) Silly Bathroom at Chicago's Field Museum voted number one. Also looks great for number two  (chicagotribune.com) (29)
(SFGate) Fail Truck jackknifes, dumps load of 2,500 chickens across highway. Road closes until CHP can pullet off  (sfgate.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Fail Good: School calls parents to say the bus carrying their special-needs children home will be a little late. Fark: Does not tell them it's because the driver passed out, crossed oncoming traffic and crashed into a tree  (wtkr.com) (42)
(Showbiz Spy) Sad It turns out that Wolverine's secret weakness is Lionel Richie  (showbizspy.com) (31)
(Cracked) Cool For a while it would seem, the A. C. Gilbert Toy Company was trying desperately to maim or kill every child in America  (cracked.com) (136)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Finally, something the Right can agree with Obama on - children should not be exposed to the Kardashians  (dailymail.co.uk) (53)
(CNN) Interesting It appears a simple chin lift could have saved Michael Jackson's life. Is there anything plastic surgery can't do?  (cnn.com) (34)


Wed October 19, 2011
(Pizza pizza) Obvious Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia rules against Chicago Deep-Dish Pizza, insisting it should be called "tomato pie," or "cheese pie," or just anything but "pizza." Dissenting opinions to the right  (chicagoist.com) (301)
(CNN) Interesting World domination in beauty pageants is now the great will of China  (edition.cnn.com) (60)
(Daily Mail) Misc Gwen Stefani unveils line of children's clothing for kids with FREAKISHLY HUGE HEADS  (dailymail.co.uk) (36)
(Foundry Music) Video Archie meets KISS? All right already, we get it Gene. There's no one you won't license the KISS name to  (foundrymusic.com) (40)
(Fox News) Spiffy 1,000-year-old text by Archimedes on display in Maryland. Surprisingly, he uses only 140 Greek characters  (foxnews.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Architecture firm sponsors contest to design a zombie proof house and attracts over 200 vote-able entries. Farkers to skew the voting in 3,2,1  (zombiesafehouse.wordpress.com) (79)
(Reuters) Followup Top quotes from Tuesday's debate, for those who couldn't stand the pain of watching the whole thing  (reuters.com) (131)


Tue October 18, 2011
(Washington Post) Silly Advice columnist won't give advice on getting married, getting divorced, having children, getting abortions, adopting, or consensual cheating, because those are "too personal." Advice columnist  (washingtonpost.com) (47)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Success of experimental malaria vaccine is not giving people chills  (washingtonpost.com) (31)
(WXYZ Detroit) PSA Michigan wants to make it illegal for students and school employees to have sex. Yes, even at the university level  (wxyz.com) (129)
(Canada.com) Sad 23 mentally unstable Swedish women convicted for possession of child pornography, wrecking perfect fantasy with just one word  (canada.com) (36)
(Gizmodo) Cool Iowa National Guard machine gunner develops Predator-style ammo backpack, still ain't got time to bleed  (gizmodo.com) (64)
(Marketwatch) Asinine China Eastern halts order from Boeing. I knew there would be problems, of course, when the 787 hit the ANAs  (marketwatch.com) (8)
(Some Guy) Scary First grade class is having issues with too much kicking, scratching, punching and choking. And that's just from the teacher  (wusa9.com) (15)
(Pravda) Strange Russian governor offers $17,000 for a bald chipmunk. Wow, waxing is really pricey in Russia  (english.pravda.ru) (14)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup The Bears, who have been dragging their feet about resigning Matt Forte, may want to move quickly, as at least two teams have expressed an interest in him. But that would require a Chicago sports team to be smart, which is impossible  (chicagotribune.com) (71)
(Seattle Times) Spiffy Maker of beer tap handles chooses American over Chinese factories for new products. I'll drink to that  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (29)


Mon October 17, 2011
(Gamma Squad) Unlikely Doc Hammer and Jackson Publick were probably just farking with everybody, but Subby would help pay for them to make a show about "Liam Neeson with a child bride fighting vampires"  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (32)
(Fark) Survey What movies would a Fark-required watching list consist of? What movies have you seen just because of Fark?  (fark.com) (518)
(WXYZ Detroit) PSA Children absorb more cell phone radiation than adults do. So when you're making a call on your cell, make sure you have a kid nearby for the good of your health  (wxyz.com) (85)
(Yahoo) Followup The Euro -- propped by Chinese  (news.yahoo.com) (30)
(Chicago Tribune) Silly McDonald's launching their own TV channel. Look for The Hamburglar Diaries, The Walking Grimace, and Ronald McDonald House, MD next spring  (chicagotribune.com) (89)
(Onion AV Club) Sad Seventeen kid-friendly programs that will teach your children about death. Yes, Jim Henson and The Muppets are on here. Warning: childhood memories  (avclub.com) (119)


Sun October 16, 2011
(Some Guy) Spiffy Indycar finale discussion: Power and Franchitti to decide the championship, Danica runs her last race, TK has a Lotus on the pole, Carpenter looks to repeat his upset, and our Indy 500 winner actually gets to race. 3PM ET on ABC  (indycar.com) (623)
(YouTube) Followup Remember that chick on the horse who saved a kid from a grizzly bear? She was on Letterman and, yes, you would  (youtube.com) (35)


Sat October 15, 2011
(LA Times) Stupid GM runs ad in college newspapers titled "Reality Sucks," depicting nerdy bicyclist cowering in shame as a cute, sneering chick blows past him in her new Chevy. Some hippies have a problem with this  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (102)
(Daily Mail) Strange Chinese tourist dodges castle's £2.50 admission fee by free-soloing its 70-foot outer wall. She made the route look way casual, but two others now have broken legs after trying for second ascent (with pic of tourist mid-climb)  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(Slate) PSA Do you have inquisitive children that are huge Star Wars fans but are flummoxed by the prequels? Here's a guide for parents to handle the strain of the prequels without having to watch them  (slate.com) (53)
(Houston Chronicle) Spiffy WWII vets receive mystery postcards from China, thanking them for fighting against Japanese invasion. But Hu sent them?  (chron.com) (54)

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