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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Some keep the fark off me Guy)		How completely lame do you have to be to bill yourself as "The Piggyback Bandit?" Ask this guy  (kstp.com)	(39)
		Man gets thrown out of pub by another customer for smoking. Since this is Fark, you'd better believe he came back into the pub with a chainsaw  (dailymail.co.uk)	(42)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop these humpbacks stranded on the beach  (4.bp.blogspot.com)	(22)

		If we timewarped back by 2000 years, what job would you be most qualified to do? No, you can't bring any modern tech with you  (fark.com)	(779)
		Gorbachev targets Putin, having long ago demonstrated immunity to polonium by virtue of his Great Lakes shaped birthmark  (smh.com.au)	(12)
		Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-aking it in), chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, is being investigated for insider trading. If only there were some kind of governmental oversight for this kind of thing  (washingtonpost.com)	(44)

		Michele Bachmann equates her campaign with her marriage  (latimes.com)	(96)
(The Eye)		Are girl bands back? Yes. Well, no. They're back, but they're no longer pissed off at you for your unconscious role in a male-dominated patriarchal society  (eye.columbiaspectator.com)	(112)
		If you fumbled getting your camera back from a fellow Giants fan taking your picture at the Superbowl you might want to click this link  (nydailynews.com)	(25)
		Been looking for a loophole in the 5-day waiting period and background check to purchase an assault rifle? Here's MSNBC to show you how  (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(339)
		Bachmann calls Santorum win "a shot across the bow," offering up yet another phrase to be sexually redefined by Savage Love and Urban Dictionary  (ktvz.com)	(80)

		"Mom? Can we go home?" "Not until we take back the country, sweetie"  (slate.com)	(52)
		Cute girlfriend of New York Giants linebacker Greg Jones gets her own Super Bowl ring during post game celebration (w/video)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(33)

		Canada now officially endorses torture. This is neither a Celine Dion nor Nickelback joke  (cbc.ca)	(257)
		Actual headline: Indoor Tanning Industry Backs Boehner  (thinkprogress.org)	(48)
(Some Bird Guy)		Do you own a home with large windows? Is there a cat that you let out in your backyard? If so, you're a criminal  (blog.heritage.org)	(89)
		Flipping the middle finger dates back to the ancient Greeks and Romans and is part of US Italian heritage  (bbc.co.uk)	(48)
		Fed up with the decline of his favorite team, the Washington Redskins, former DC Mayor Marion Barry pledges to work with the owner to help get them back in the championship - just kidding, he Tweets REDSKINS SUCK during the Super Bowl  (myfoxdc.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)		If one of your coworkers doesn't come back from a smoke break, don't be alarmed  (thestatecolumn.com)	(27)
		Wowsers, how awesome were those January jobs numbers? So awesome that if we doubled them, and then kept that rate of job growth every month until 2024, why, we'd be back to full employment  (slate.com)	(86)

		Fox News contributor and Breitbart catamite: "Obama should go back to burning the taxpayer-funded incense to whatever pagan, foreign deity he's worshipping"  (mediamatters.org)	(196)
(Some Guy)		"The burrito's rightful owner walked up to the men and said he wanted his burrito back"  (kob.com)	(86)
		You know your ex is a committed stalker if he wants to win back your heart by kidnapping you using a plan that's so detailed it's 23 pages long, has maps and photos and even a code name: "Operation Stitches"  (palmbeachpost.com)	(124)
		Michele Bachmann sees GOP race ending soon. Also sees evil socialist leprauchans sneaking into your children's bedrooms at night to give them HPV vaccines and free healthcare  (bloomberg.com)	(28)

		Bacon - Best prepared via pan fried, baked or microwaved?  (fark.com)	(396)
		Great Scott, it looks like there's some more good news about that Back to the Future musical. Specifically, that it's not happening  (slashfilm.com)	(31)

		Will Romney score back-to-back victories? Will the Sinful State forgive Newt's angry womanizing? Will there be another Santorum surge? And what about RON PAUL? It's your official Nevada Republican caucus thread  (reuters.com)	(320)
		Want to go out on a five-mile run and come back fatter than you were at the start? Head down to Raleigh for this year's Krispy Kreme Challenge  (newsobserver.com)	(18)

(Some Bacon Lovin' Guy)		Two words: Bacon Milkshake  (sfist.com)	(71)
		Willow Smith whipped her hair back and forth so many times that it fell out  (omg.yahoo.com)	(24)
(TorrentFreak)		Just in time for the Super Bowl, a bunch of those sports streaming websites shut down by the Feds are back online with new domain names  (torrentfreak.com)	(83)
		While largely forgotten about after the 90's, virtual reality may be making a comeback. In your eyes  (scientificamerican.com)	(35)
(Some Guy)		Danny Bonaduce and Barry Williams to star in new SyFy original movie. Surprisingly, it's not a movie about traveling back in time to when people would want to see Greg Brady and Danny Partridge  (tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com)	(16)

		Back to the Future heads to Broadway?  (g4tv.com)	(59)
		Worst job in Science: These physicians injected an average of 20.5 cc using "a back-and-forth technique" into the deep soft tissue layers of the penises of 50 men. The product was then 'homogenized with a roller.'  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)	(82)
		10000 people placed on the No-Fly List in 2011. Take that, really lousy terrorists who didn't have a backup plan  (hosted.ap.org)	(14)
		Remember back in 2009 after the economy shiat the bed and the experts said Americans had learned how to be frugal again? Well, we're back to buying expensive lattes and renewing magazine subscriptions  (mnn.com)	(104)
(Some Guy)		Ladies, your chance to be the 2012 Bacon queen is upon you  (desmoinesregister.upickem.net)	(46)

(Some Guy)		We must go back in time to 1983 and prevent George Lucas from making any changes to Star Wars. You must bring your own weapon. Safety not guaranteed. (spoilers)  (nerdbastards.com)	(83)
		John Elway says the Broncos are in the market for quarterbacks, would settle for having just one  (fannation.com)	(86)
		Michelle Bachmann has campaign debt. Mitt Romney has lots of money. Romney wants Bachmann's endorsement. What happens next?  (boston.com)	(41)
		Backlash: Osama Bin Laden death photos may be released after all. Judicial Watch has sued for release of the materials under Freedom of Information Law, and they apparently have a case  (nydailynews.com)	(237)

		New tapes of the day JFK was shot were found back and to the left of the archive  (bbc.co.uk)	(150)
		Lazy New Jerseyans don't like pumping their own gas or using parking meters where you have to walk back to your car to put the receipt in the windshield  (nj.com)	(114)

		In Phoenix you can get a bacon-wrapped hot dog piled high with beans, mayonnaise, cheese, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, guacamole, salsa and jalapeño peppers. Your move, Chicago  (azcentral.com)	(254)
		You have a fight with your pregnant girlfriend - do you a) take the blame even if it's not your fault. b) walk away and come back when things cool down. c) rip off all of her clothes and leave her naked in the street. HINT: Florida Tag  (beatcalls.com)	(64)
		Cute chick can talk backwards. This is pretty ypeerc  (youtube.com)	(66)
		I know it sounds a corny and a bit nutty, but scientists have developed a special type of bacteria that changes the color of human excrement to let them know exactly what ails you  (dailymail.co.uk)	(53)
(Some Guy)		Another Club Med closes, narrowing the list of vacation destinations for balding, hairy-backed men hoping to get invited to a swinger party as they wander about the beach sucking down pina coladas while in the full throes of a mid-life crisis  (couriermail.com.au)	(42)
		49ers linebacker Aldon Smith can't be bothered to give a fark in his DUI arrest mugshot  (nydailynews.com)	(29)

		This 6,000 calorie breakfast - 12 slices of bacon, 12 sausages, 14 eggs, 4 black pudding slices, 12 slices of bread, 2 hash browns, saute potatoes, mushrooms, beans, and tomatoes - weighs more than a baby. Get in mah belly  (dailymail.co.uk)	(188)
		Mystery lottery winner knows he's won $14.3 million but doesn't want it. That's a lot of trips back to the Bizarro world  (huffingtonpost.com)	(80)

(TheBlaze.com)		Meet Abbey Watson, a 13 year old world-record holding powerlifter. The secret to her success? "Bacon... mostly bacon"  (theblaze.com)	(52)
		Recently evicted woman tries breaking back into her apartment, bites cop on the hand. Isn't this how the zombie apocalypse starts?  (chicagotribune.com)	(38)
		In yet another example of President Obama's pusillanimous "do-nothing" behavior, details emerge that Obama went ahead with the Bin Laden raid despite the advice of most of his advisers to back away from the mission  (foxnews.com)	(255)
(The Sun News)		School changes mascot back to original, non-PC Indian. "It's hard to cheer for a lighthouse"  (myrtlebeachonline.com)	(100)

		Mentally retarded man fired from a grocery store for "stealing" $0.20 has been offered his job back, though he's not sure he wants to work for the kind of dicks who would fire a retarded man over twenty cents  (news.yahoo.com)	(192)
		CEO of government-backed bank: "Due to uproar over use of tax payer money for bonuses, I've rescinded my £1m bonus." Fails to mention he's getting a £.9m bonus as a replacement  (independent.co.uk)	(8)
		We know that bacon is the delicious nectar of the gods, but beware of its evil cousin, ham, the silent killer  (dailymail.co.uk)	(56)
		Rubbermaid net profits bounce back  (marketwatch.com)	(5)
		The newest popular hairstyle is based on Boardwalk Empire's Jimmy Darmody: Close on the sides, long and combed back on top, gaping exit wound in the back  (articles.latimes.com)	(31)
		The Terminator will be back, and it will be R-rated  (denofgeek.com)	(52)

		So, some woman at the bar claimed to be a back-up singer for SWV in the 90's. She had a few people believing it. What whoppers have you recently encountered?  (yahoo.com)	(189)
(Some Guy)		Man breaks a window on a campus building, climbs a tree to enter through the second story window, steals a book, then leaps from the second story without injury. If only he hadn't left his backpack with his name on it in the tree  (thestarpress.com)	(7)
		Generation X just got back from the rainforest. 46 new species identified including cowboy frog, Crayola katydid, Pac-Man frog, and Conehead grasshopper  (news.yahoo.com)	(16)
		Tired of seeing people wearing their PJ's to the store? If one man had his way, we'd be wearing them all day, everyday, everywhere. Subby just hopes his button-back flannel onesies don't come loose on the subway  (slate.com)	(73)
		Must one forgive Newt to vote for him? Or if one cannot forgive him, can one not vote for him? If you forgive him, but don't want to vote for him, have you yourself sinned? Can you take back your forgiveness? I'm confused  (usatoday.com)	(52)
		They told you you'd get over it. Welcome back to Netflix, schmuck  (usatoday.com)	(129)
		Man challenges 40 friends to spend at least $20 at a local hardware store that has been around since 1857. Things just snowballed from there and the store had their best day in years. This is the way to take back America  (finance.yahoo.com)	(82)
		The Russians can see the euro zone crisis from their backyards  (blogs.marketwatch.com)	(1)
		This just in: Nice Hair is back in the lead over Angry Womanizer in Florida. As usual, Old Anarchist and Jesus Loves Me still in it for the free publicity  (thedailybeast.com)	(53)
(Asheville Citizen Times)		You know that cellphone I stole from your car? I'll sell it back to you. Also, do you wanna buy some weed?  (citizen-times.com)	(7)

		Let's go back to Cold War days, when random stretches of the autobahn could be converted to emergency runways in just hours, suitable for launching fighters and landing cargo planes  (youtube.com)	(29)
		Florida city votes to put fluoride back in the water. Apparently they never googled tooth and plaque conspiracy. And Metallica  (tampabay.com)	(45)
(CBS Charlotte)		Three men attempt home invasion robbery with handgun, shotgun and sword, are fought back by homeowner and another resident who introduces them to his little friend. Or as they call it in South Carolina, Tuesday  (charlotte.cbslocal.com)	(47)
		Analysis: For Obama 2012, "it's all about the 99 percent". Well, at least until he gets 51 percent, then it's back to the 1 percent  (reuters.com)	(20)
		Travel back to the war on drugs - circa 1912 - when opium was king  (bbc.co.uk)	(47)

		"How to raise the next Steve Jobs." No mention of letting your precious snowflake take LSD and drop out of school to backpack around India  (cnn.com)	(202)
		Dog fighting, through the eyes of MSNBC: Michael Vick does it: It's horrific, savage, barbaric, cruel, criminal activity. Afghans do it: They're sharing in a noble tradition that dates back hundreds of years  (worldblog.msnbc.msn.com)	(162)
		Facebook and Twitter tell Google "Don't be evil". Google leans back in leather chair, strokes silky white cat, and laughs uproariously  (telegraph.co.uk)	(53)
		Russell's Pit Viper can send you back through puberty. AWKWARD  (io9.com)	(25)

		Iceman is back behind the Lotus wheel at the Valencia track  (eitb.com)	(53)
		Alright, alright, alright. Matthew McConaughey brings back character from Dazed and Confused in new music video. Evidently we keep getting older, but he stays the same age  (hitfix.com)	(49)
(Some Guy)		"I just wanted to help the little guy. It was cold and I didn't want to see it left outdoors. I wasn't going to harm him. I just wanted to nurse him back to good health"  (ocala.com)	(99)
		The GOP needs George Bush back  (bostonherald.com)	(69)
(Some Guy)		The demise of Kanye West may be traced back to the festival where he showed up 45 minutes late, had sound trouble, and fans started leaving him in favor of a show by Noel Gallagher  (couriermail.com.au)	(50)
(WMUR)		"Ok, so that's 2 eggs over easy, crispy bacon and wheat toast...would you like your daughter with that?"  (wmur.com)	(62)

		Never-seen photos of Big Blue, back in the day when NFL players looked like plumbers and truck drivers ... and had to plumb and drive trucks in the off-season to make ends meet  (life.com)	(20)
		Can the Patriots defeat the Ravens to win their first AFC championship in 4 years? Will the 49ers beat the Giants and cap off an amazing comeback season? It's the NFL Conference Championships thread, games at 3 PM on CBS, 6:30 PM on Fox  (scores.espn.go.com)	(5698)

		A look back at what may be the most infamous bad snap in NFL history, and at long-snapper Trey Junkin's life since  (sports.espn.go.com)	(83)
		The good news: Google+ hits 90 million users. The bad news: and by "users", we mean everyone who opened a page, looked around, shrugged and never came back  (telegraph.co.uk)	(112)
		Crew-member: I'm kindly asking you to go back to your rooms, where you'll be seated and tranquil. We'll just be a little busy evac..evaluating, I meant evaluating the situation  (cbsnews.com)	(65)
		Five St. Louis school buses missing. If five big yellow things appeared in your back yard, please mention it to police when you have the time. There's a picture in the article of what a school bus looks like  (stltoday.com)	(38)
		2012 will be the year Microsoft fights back to the top in the Mobile OS space. This is not a repeat from 2007, 2008, 2009, etc  (cnn.com)	(55)
		1998:Newt Gingrich uses media in an attempt to oust Bill Clinton (D) from office for his affair with Monica Lewinsky. 2012: Newt Gingrich criticizes media for reporting on his love life. Especially that affair he had back in 1998  (abcnews.go.com)	(208)

(Some Guy)		Obama political ad claims that Politifact certified as "Promise Kept" his campaign promise to clean up ethics in the White House. Politifact: "Um, well that was actually for one specific item back in 2009"  (politifact.com)	(65)
		Now you can get throttled by Virgin too. Submitter had to pay extra for that back in the day  (gizmodo.com)	(13)
		Not news: Judge spares teenage burglar from prison time and congratulates him because he had "got off his backside to work". Fark: The teen clubs baby seals to death for a living  (dailymail.co.uk)	(79)
		Now that the SOPA protest is over, let's take a trip back in time, to when Amazon had a marble logo, Twitter didn't have any vowels, and Google - like Fark - still had an exclamation point  (thesun.co.uk)	(35)
		Fox News notices that comic books have a lot more sex and violence since back when they were young. "It's sort of like a fictionalized Playboy for kids at its worst"  (myfoxdc.com)	(70)
(Some Guy)		Having not paid attention to Iraq or Afghanistan, Iran asks the world's largest military force to kick its ass back into the stone age  (usnews.com)	(77)

		Oh thank Tebow, Reddit is back. Now GTFO & GBTW  (reddit.com)	(37)
		Don't call it a comeback, he's been here for years  (reuters.com)	(9)
		Relax Nashville residents - it is now legal to keep chickens in your backyard  (wrcbtv.com)	(20)
		Well, on the plus side, she'll probably listen next time a man tells her to walk around the back of an airplane  (foxnews.com)	(88)
		Crude oil back over $100/barrel on news of Britney Spears sex book  (upi.com)	(13)
		We at Fark, Inc. are in favor of SOPA -- we are going WHITE tomorrow to support it. Check back at 8am EST to find out why  (fark.com)	(714)
		Since Drew is approving everything today, here is my band back in 2006 doing our Christmas original, "It's what I got in my sack"  (youtube.com)	(15)
		Santorum's campaign, on why Bachmann's campaign failed, says that a woman cannot be President as it is against God's will - YEAH NOW WERE TALKING  (thinkprogress.org)	(120)

		Ted Baxter interviews SC Dem Chairman, who's offended that GOP chose MLK day for their debate, dies on live TV after Baxter points out that Dems did the same thing--way back in 2008  (breitbart.tv)	(100)
		We know you got his ass...we just want to see if we can get it back  (myfoxdc.com)	(14)
		If you've found a missing spacecraft in your backyard, please contact the Russian Space Agency  (abcnews.go.com)	(21)

		We finally have an area of science the US is far more advanced and liberal than Europe: Genetically engineering giant frankenburgers topped with basketball-sized tomatoes, woolly mammoth bacon and low-fat plastic cheese  (blogs.nature.com)	(90)
		Tebow already named starting running back for the Broncos next season  (tsn.ca)	(103)
		In 1911, explorer Douglas Mawson launched an expedition to explore Antarctica and nearly didn't make it back alive. 100 years later, another Australia team went back to Mawson's encampment. This is what they found  (blogs.abc.net.au)	(32)
		When your city falls on hard financial times you have to cut back on a few luxuries like extra police, library operating hours, democracy--you know, little stuff like that  (news.yahoo.com)	(107)

		Man orders a 'Baconator' burger with no bacon. That's the real story here  (3news.co.nz)	(128)
(Some Guy)		Wife asks to ride in back of ambulance with dying husband. Is instead left by the side of the road in a blizzard  (thechronicleherald.ca)	(160)

		The 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon have taken an incestuous turn for the worse  (starpulse.com)	(151)
		Mena Suvari is back on the market. This is not a repeat from 2005. Line forms behind submitter  (upi.com)	(85)
		The crew has beamed back aboard Enterprise  (herocomplex.latimes.com)	(99)
		Art teacher arrested for teaching broad strokes to 16-year-old student. Where were the teachers like this back when... oh, wait  (sfgate.com)	(106)
		When one ponders the career options available to retired NFL running backs, "Shakespearean Actor" is often left off the list. Unless one is Eddie George..."Unlikely" doesn't even begin to cover this  (npr.org)	(53)
		Stop kneeling on my lawn: Orel Hershiser invented Tebowing back in 1988  (sports.yahoo.com)	(28)
		Today's news story that is definitely not propaganda planted by the DEA as part of the War on Drugs: "Woman Injects 'Bath Salts,' Loses Arm To Flesh-Eating Bacteria"  (npr.org)	(179)

		We've all heard humpback whale songs, but you gotta hear this one (link at bottom of article). And when you listen to it, don't think of your mom waking your dad up drunk, 3am, the night you were conceived  (wired.com)	(13)
(Some Nanny)		Couple clears weeds and trash from public land near their home. Does the city a) thank them b) reward them or c) tell them to buy a license for the work or put the weeds back?  (mailonsunday.co.uk)	(111)
		Stationery chain offers porn-themed products in back-to-school sale. Who could possibly have a problem with that?  (news.com.au)	(25)
		They can take away my bacon when they pry it from my cold, cancer-ey pancreas  (guardian.co.uk)	(29)

		Labor Department offers $20 million in grants for organizations to help former prisoners find work so they can get their lives back in order. Surprisingly even Fox News doesn't have a problem with this  (foxnews.com)	(77)
(Mayors Manor)		After hurting his back eating flapjacks and getting ridiculed by the hockey world, Kings LW Dustin Penner says he'll host a charity pancake breakfast. Kudos to an athlete who can laugh at himself; hope he doesn't waffle on the gig  (mayorsmanor.com)	(74)
		Heat loses back-to-back OT games. James not a factor down the stretch in either game  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(67)
		Protip: After stealing baseball and sports memorabilia, don't offer to sell them back to the person you stole them from in the first place  (tampabay.com)	(9)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 349: "Bacon". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net)	(83)

		Deadspin gives props to Fark for a most disturbing story about the hypothetical lovechild of Tim Tebow and Michele Bachmann  (deadspin.com)	(4)
		This team wants its young quarterback traded away and want Peyton Manning on their team. A: Who are the New York Jets?  (nydailynews.com)	(109)
(Topless Robot)		Ten toys only true hardcore fans give a damn about. Hey, that Willrow Hood ice cream maker action figure from Empire Strikes Back is ESSENTIAL, dammit  (toplessrobot.com)	(28)
		Occupy wall street allowed back in Zucotti park "until they do something stupid"......This just in, Occupy Wall Street has been removed from Zucotti park  (gothamist.com)	(65)
		Headline: Sold For Sex, in Our Backyards. Ewwwww  (foxnews.com)	(109)
		Boeing backs boffins, who died to bring you this information  (theregister.co.uk)	(6)
		Arrested man climbs out of back seat, steals town's only squad car, radios in to HQ asking where the cigarette lighter and key to handcuffs are. All this and more on the next episode of "Blues Brothers in Mayberry"  (indystar.com)	(18)

		NEW HAMPSHIRE election results, updated in near-realtime. FARK: Bachmann has ALMOST as many votes as Perry  (hosted.ap.org)	(483)
(NFL.com)		What if Tim Tebow and Michele Bachmann had a baby? Seriously, what kind of half-assed website asks that question?  (nfl.com)	(44)
		Katy Perry backs out of People's Choice Awards. Doesn't beep like Kim Kardashian  (people.com)	(42)
		Starbucks: you CAN go back  (chicagotribune.com)	(17)
		Kenny Powers Is Coming Back F*&@N Soon  (liveleak.com)	(15)
		The face of ShamWow and prostitute punching, Vince Offer, is back with a new infomercial: Schticky  (youtube.com)	(36)
		Old and busted: mocking Detroit residents and their socioeconomic problems. The new hotness: Lions cornerback Aaron Berry mocking Detroit residents and their socioeconomic problems  (sports.yahoo.com)	(46)

		William Daley out as Obama's Chief of Staff - plans on moving back to Chicago to help dig up votes for November  (latimes.com)	(24)
		Delonte West of the Dallas Mavericks will not be with the team visiting the White House because of a failed criminal background check  (espn.go.com)	(68)
		Well.. I now know if you pour salt on frog legs, they come back to life. I wish I didn't know that  (youtube.com)	(35)
		Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Europe: get ready for Euro Crisis 2 - Merkozy Boogaloo  (reuters.com)	(5)
		Walmart now rolling back prices ... on horses  (wftv.com)	(5)
		In order to take the White House back from the dangerous, liberal, radical socialist who has nearly destroyed America, it looks like the GOP has settled on running the guy with nearly identical policies and ideas  (news.yahoo.com)	(239)
(Nuke The Fridge)		Two-fisted hero of viral video "Star Wars Nerd vs. Punk" bounces back from Stage 3 brain cancer, seeks tax-deductible donations to run Disney World marathon. Still no cure for Han firing first  (nukethefridge.com)	(93)

		Apple, RIM and Nokia giving backdoor access to their phones to India military?  (zdnet.com)	(11)
		Rick Perry's campaign death-knell continues on as he announces that he would put troops back into Iraq  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(91)
		Back in the late 90s, before Patrick Stewart left Starfleet and headed up Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, there was a Star Trek/X-Men crossover novel that wasn't nearly as bad as you'd think  (io9.com)	(67)

		Tonight, the remaining GOP candidates square off in preparation for the New Hampshire primary. Will Santorum blast Romney? Will it be worth watching since Bachmann is gone? The derp begins at 9pm ET on ABC  (washingtonpost.com)	(1164)
(Some Guy)		63 years ago, a broke student was handed an envelope with $200 in to finish school, and was told to pay it forward once he was able to. Now, he's giving back $1000000  (winnipegfreepress.com)	(84)
		Michele Bachmann raises the fashion bar, level of acceptable derp for female politicians  (washingtonpost.com)	(34)

		Sen. John McCain: "I am confident with the leadership and backing of the American people, President Obama will turn this country around"  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(150)
		Barnes & Noble to join the HP and Netflix school of business of trying to divest themselves of their main source of income now, backpedaling sheepishly later  (macworld.com)	(61)
		After Black Keys drummer Pat Carney accurately called Nickelback "shiat," Nickelback responds exactly how you'd expect the shiattiest "rock band" in the world to respond, "Thanks...hehe"  (rollingstone.com)	(121)
		It's Friday, so we're back on track with the Fark Weird News Quiz. You've never seen so many farkers scoring at once  (fark.com)	(51)
		News: Top high school defensive back throws his mom under the bus. Fark: on live national TV. IF MAMA AIN'T HAPPY, AIN"T NOBODY HAPPY  (sports.yahoo.com)	(51)
		Minka Kelly gets back together with Derek Jeter. Alex Rodriguez last seen screaming at the night sky  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(44)
		"Last time I stood on a stage this low, we had to have the car back by midnight." Welcome back, David Lee Roth, welcome back  (nytimes.com)	(83)
(wmal.com)		GOP Florida Rep. Allen West hates President Obama's plan to cut military spending and that Speaker Boehner is leading an effective "kabuki dance" in Congress. Now there's a horrifying image you can never take back  (wmal.com)	(53)
		High school drama teacher charged with giving curtain calls to an underage student. (With "you'd give her a callback after an audition" pic)  (thedenverchannel.com)	(108)

		Lisa Lampanelli to NBC: "I'm like Rosa Parks, don't sit me in the back of the bus." Somewhere in the afterlife, Greg Giraldo is choking on his drink  (tmz.com)	(47)
		Hacker, apparently unaware of which decade the rest of the world lives in, digs up secret intel files on Henry Kissinger, Dan Quayle. Quick, Mr. Peabody, fire up the Wayback Machine  (upi.com)	(36)
		"I'd like two hot dogs all the way, a shot of moonshine, and for you to put your hands behind your back and spread 'em"  (downtownjax.firstcoastnews.com)	(23)
		Woman dragged out of car, assaulted on southwest side. So that's like, what, the back of her left leg?  (chicagotribune.com)	(18)
		O, the painful travails of a Democratic 1%er - whether to buy back his old $44M place in the Hamptons or settle for a château in the south of France  (nypost.com)	(16)
		Turns out it is actually quite healthy for your teen to talk back and let you know you're horrible. HORRIBLE. *slams door* HORRIBLE *slams door again* HORRIBLE *slam* YOU'RE HORRIBLE  (npr.org)	(122)
		Large, angry, jealous, castrated male spiders just want their penis back  (io9.com)	(12)

		Last night in Iowa--the only place quieter than the Michelle Bachmann headquarters? The Barack Obama caucus meetings  (cbsnews.com)	(112)
		TOSU linebacker says Florida Gators are classless for calling him a "cracker" during the Gator Bowl. Who knew "cracker" was still a racial slur that anyone used?  (rivals.yahoo.com)	(72)
(WSB TV)		72-year-old woman wanders away from home, is found by search parties the following day - in her back yard. Head of the search party, Mr. Magoo, is said to be very relieved  (wsbtv.com)	(19)
		Fox still hasn't decided the future of low-rated, Nerf-gun sporting dinosaur "thriller" Terra Nova or whether or not Hugh Laurie will be back for another season of House  (deadline.com)	(182)
		Holders Real Madrid scored three times in 10 minutes to fight back Malaga 3-2 in their King's Cup last 16 first leg, sparked by a furious dressing down from Jose Mourinho  (eitb.com)	(12)

		The bride's family pays for the wedding, the groom's for the rehearsal dinner, and the best man buys strippers for the bachelor party. But who supposed to pay for the bridalplasty?  (abcnews.go.com)	(119)
		Taliban tentatively agree to set up office space in Qatar, though are pushing back on the format of TPS reports  (bbc.co.uk)	(55)
		Michele Bachmann wins in Iowa...what?...oh  (myfoxdc.com)	(67)
		The guy busted with the backpack full of explosives at a TX airport on New Year's Eve is now looking less like a scary terrorist and more like a Special Forces demolition expert planning some awesome fireworks for his buddies  (news.yahoo.com)	(102)
		After a trying 2011, Kim Kardashian says she's never looking back, most likely because Dat Ass blocks the view  (seattlepi.com)	(55)
		Old-fashioned straight razor shaving is coming back into vogue, because all these electric and disposable razors are just too convenient and efficient  (latimes.com)	(205)
(Some Guy)		Egypt: Yesterday, when we said we plan on respecting our 33 year old peace treaty with Israel, we didn't really mean it. We would rather go back to the days when the Israelis were beating us like a drum. Thank you sir May I have another?  (jta.org)	(260)
(Some Guy)		Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, sharks are now having sex with sharks from other species and having smarter and stronger hybrid babies  (couriermail.com.au)	(48)
		While you were busy getting drunk and setting off fire works in your backyard, London was busy setting the sky ablaze with awesomeness  (wimp.com)	(31)

		Ndamukong Suh celebrates sack of backup Matt Flynn by mocking Aaron Rodgers championship belt move. That's some mighty classy moves there Suh  (sports.yahoo.com)	(157)
		Bachmann admits to supporters that it will take "a miracle" to save her campaign. Apparently she figures that since God isn't busy with Tim Tebow anymore, maybe he's got some spare time  (news.yahoo.com)	(23)
		Wall Street back at Square One. Do the math  (chicagotribune.com)	(25)
		That rustling in your back yard? Probably just a rabbit, or a deer, or an Iraq war vet armed-to-the-teeth who's living in the woods and has taken to hunting humans. Fark: EVERYBODY PANIC-worthy photo  (cbsnews.com)	(246)
		If you quit drinking in January to only crawl back into the bottle in February, you may die from a medical condition known as Janopause detox  (dailymail.co.uk)	(17)
		Atlanta Falcon Rowdy Roddy White admits he IS the father of a child whose mother is suing him for child support, even though Maury hasn't come back with the official test results yet  (tmz.com)	(6)
		Michele Bachmann: Vote for me because I don't have a penis  (hosted.ap.org)	(108)

(Some Guy)		It was 59 years ago today that Hank Williams died in the back seat of a Cadillac, somewhere between Bristol, Virginia and Oak Hill, West Virginia. And here's the car he died in  (roadsideamerica.com)	(45)
		Global Warming pushes back start of NHL Winter Classic. Tens of fans devastated  (nypost.com)	(88)
		Alan Rickman looks back at a decade of Harry Potter films, explains why Snape killed Dumbledore  (herocomplex.latimes.com)	(98)

Newt Gingrich is back to his old tricks, demanding people resign and whatnot. If he keeps this up, he's going to lose his Speakership for sure  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)

(46)

(Just A Good Ol' Boy)		TV stunt actor born in 1969, famous for a single stunt known to millions, has lived like a couch on a Georgia porch mostly since. After getting almost as much work done as Joan Rivers, he's ready for a comeback. Too bad he's typecast  (barrett-jackson.com)	(287)
		Rick Perry draws blank on landmark Texas anti-sodomy Supreme Court case; Rick Santorum frothing at the mouth for the chance to backdoor his way into the issue, no buts about it  (abcnews.go.com)	(182)
		All of Nickelback's greatest hits - played simultaneously. "Cacophonous" doesn't even begin to describe it  (youtube.com)	(31)
(Washington Examiner)		Romney's flip-flopping goes back nearly a decade, where he ran as a pro-choice candidate in Massachusetts because polling told him pro-lifers were out   (campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com)	(54)
		Thierry Henry is coming back to Arsenal. Now all they need is Tony Adams, Steve Bould, Martin Keown, Lee Dixon, Nigel Winterburn and time machine, and they're in business  (soccernet.espn.go.com)	(90)
		Wall Street expected to finish the year back in black. Have a drink on me, you bastards. Enjoy your trip on the highway to hell  (finance.yahoo.com)	(23)

(Fiji Times)		Police raid home to seize illegal wine, wine enthusiast fights back with a spear. Time to call in the anti-terroirism squad  (fijitimes.com)	(32)
		Michele Bachmann believes there is a grand conspiracy between Google, Facebook and facts working for Obama   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(278)
		The Iowa chairman for Michele Bachmann's presidential campaign has left his position and signed on with RON PAUL. This is the biggest blow a Bachmann has taken since Marcus realized he didn't have $500 on him for that transvestite hooker   (caucuses.desmoinesregister.com)	(21)
(Richmond Times-Dispatch)		Today in "I'm fairly certain this is illegal" news: The Virginia GOP will make Republican primary voters sign a loyalty pledge to back the nominee, regardless of who wins, or they won't be allowed to vote  (www2.timesdispatch.com)	(243)
		Obama tries to gain the favor of Politics-tab Farkers by eating a dinner that includes bacon-wrapped pork loin. This might be the one thing bacon can't do  (thehill.com)	(57)
(Some Guy)		In the "you knew this day would come" column... pro sports team to put Twitter handles instead of last names on the backs of player jerseys  (nll.com)	(23)
		Beware the Facebook friend collector... he'll just seal you up in a mylar bag with a stiff backing board and never take you out of the longbox  (cnn.com)	(17)

		Jewel's family set for Alaska reality show. Sarah Palin rolls her eyes, goes back to mumbling something incoherent  (contactmusic.com)	(68)
(Courier Press)		"I could only understand about every fifth word he said." Man with 0.41 BAC the most intoxicated subject police had ever seen driving, posting on Politics tab  (courierpress.com)	(131)
		Remember how Lindsay Lohan said she was turning down offers to host New Year's Eve parties and attempting to avoid dangerously high BAC levels? Yeah, about that  (thesuperficial.com)	(46)
		The years have not been kind to Chewbacca  (starpulse.com)	(51)
		Today on What the F*ck is Wrong with Michele Bachmann: "Obama supplies abortion pills 8 year-old girls"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(550)
(Q2)		Man makes a fool of himself by going to a hospital and demanding painkillers for his alleged back pain, then really shoots himself in the foot in his efforts to get them. No, really  (ktvq.com)	(50)
		Georgia is making $10 million per year from increase in speeding fines that passed because backers lied about how revenue would be used  (11alive.com)	(50)
		Why we make bad decisions, whether it's supporting Occupy Wall Street, buying those baggy jeans, or listening to Nickelback  (salon.com)	(120)
		Metal-backed iPhone 5 rumor rides again. \m/  (news.cnet.com)	(71)

		Hammer Films director Don Sharp dead at 90... until Christopher Lee brings him back to life  (variety.com)	(8)
		Back in 2006 Gingrich was for Mitt Romney's healthcare plan in MA and supported the individual mandate. What do you call a flip flop that flip flops off another candidate's flip flop?  (abcnews.go.com)	(79)
		Obama approval rating hits highest level since July, unanimously wins 'Comeback player of the Year' award  (dailymail.co.uk)	(186)
		We need to stop worrying about the leap-second and get Global Standard Time back to normal  (slate.com)	(67)
		DeLorean from Back to the Future 3 sells for over $540,000. Unfortunately, wherever it's going, it still needs roads  (foxnews.com)	(24)
		Robber pulls the old "hard object in the back" routine. Employee counters with the "real gun face-shootin" maneuver  (indystar.com)	(208)

		The LA Times review of Gov. Jerry Brown first year back in office: "His biggest achievement is essentially overlooked: He didn't screw things up worse"  (latimes.com)	(169)
		President Obama has no intention of sending troops back into Iraq, even if it were to devolve into Civil War. So, abandonment then  (nytimes.com)	(355)

		Can the Bears halt their free-fall into mediocrity? Will the Packers bounce back from the end of a perfect run? Will anyone still be sober after gallons of after-dinner spiked egg nog? Tune in for Christmas NFL action at 8:20 ET on NBC  (sports.yahoo.com)	(1096)
		The NBA returns for its truncated 2011/2012 season, but will the fans be back, as well? It's a Christmas Quintupleheader to open the season, with games beginning at Noon on TNT, 2:30 PM on ABC, and 8 PM on ESPN  (scores.espn.go.com)	(166)
		Sports writer's logic: Nobody expected the Arizona Diamondbacks to have the great season they did in 2011, therefore the Phoenix Suns could be a playoff team in 2012  (azcentral.com)	(14)
		Brew up some eggnog fit for George Washington. Don't call it a comeback, the drink's been here for years  (mentalfloss.com)	(31)

		Michele Bachmann comes out against the payroll tax cut, right after the GOP approved an extension of it. It's nice to see she doesn't have an opinion on anything until after the fact  (caucuses.desmoinesregister.com)	(107)
		George Michael's illness was touch and go go for a while, but he's made it back home for what won't be his Last Christmas  (bbc.co.uk)	(14)
		George the cat, thought to have died at airport, came back just in time for Christmas and Caturday  (thestar.com)	(1363)
(Some Guy)		Had I known that I wouldn't be getting a first gen back, I would have never sent mine in. Greed got the best of me. I should have kept my first gen, it was fine  (appleinsider.com)	(96)
		Michele Bachmann heckled by gay robot. Subby, for one, welcomes our new fabulous robot overlords   (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(48)

(Some Drunk Robber)		Out of money to pay your bar tab? Why, just go rob the bank next door, then go back to the bar, pay your tab and finish your beer  (newportrichey.wtsp.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)		News: Sign most sought after QB in the offseason. Dumbass: Can't win a game when he's actually playing. Fark.com: Play his backup instead, actually win games  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(46)
(Bozeman Comical)		Man steals woman's panties from her apartment for use as masturbatory aid, gets caught while breaking back in to return them, gives her his voter registration card, and flees. Unknown where his polling place was at this time  (bozemandailychronicle.com)	(52)

(Some Snob)		Ft. Lauderdale offering homeless free bus rides out of town. Miami and West Palm Beach soon to offer homeless free bus rides back to Ft. Lauderdale  (miami.cbslocal.com)	(52)
		Girl swept out to sea by a tsunami when she was eight years old finally makes it back home...seven years later  (foxnews.com)	(111)
		Sade operates her way back to the top. SWEET  (metro.co.uk)	(39)
(Some Guy)		Talk about putting the T & A back into the TSA: Woman caught at the airport smuggling 2.5 kilograms of pure cocaine hidden in implants in her bust and backside  (asiaone.com)	(56)

		Coal plant operators finally run out of briquettes, will have to comply with a nearly 30 year backlog of clean air regulations  (msnbc.msn.com)	(88)
(Some Guy)		RIAA: We're not pirating movies, it was some other guys. Given the open and sometimes transitive nature of the Internet you can see how there might be confusion as to the true culprit. Well, back to the mass suing  (torrentfreak.com)	(108)
		"What Donald Trump would be if he led his life backward"  (finance.yahoo.com)	(10)
		Facebook brings back ads in the news feed, so now you have two reasons to think of Pizza Hut when you're looking at pictures of your friends vomiting  (theglobeandmail.com)	(19)
		Far from turning the town of Wukan into a smoking crater, Chinese authorities are actually caving in to the town's demands and are giving them their prisoners and some of their land back  (washingtonpost.com)	(21)
(JoBlo.com)		Bill Murray put his Ghostbusters 3 script through paper shredder, and sent it back to Harold Ramis and Dan Aykroyd saying "No one wants to pay money to see fat, old men chasing ghosts"  (joblo.com)	(146)
		Scary: boy gets flesh eating bacteria. Interesting: on the face. News: survives. Fark: so the Vatican canonizes a dead 17th centry Native American. Cool: first American saint. Silly: unless you're Mormon, I guess  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(111)
		From the makers of the $235,000 Jeep SRT8 comes the car that make a Bugatti back down. Hennessey thy name is awesome insanity  (jalopnik.com)	(26)
		Average American household spent $4,155 filling up their vehicles in 2011. As expected, most trips were back and forth to the unemployment office  (chicagotribune.com)	(45)

(Some Guy)		Common man wins Lamborghini, a few hours later an embankment knocks him back into the 99%  (autoblog.com)	(156)
		Bank of America slapped with a $3 billion Being A Shiatty Bank fee  (cnbc.com)	(28)
		Young NFL quarterback has led his team back from big deficits four times this year but you're not hearing much about him because he has good throwing mechanics and doesn't thank Jesus every other sentence  (detnews.com)	(124)
		RIAA gives Google low marks on its effort to slow piracy. Internet gives RIAA low marks on its lack of effort in killing Nickelback  (arstechnica.com)	(51)
(NBC Sports)		Newest contender for dumbest Stanley Cup rioter emerges. "Unlike many others that night, [he] allegedly had his surname emblazoned across his back on a hockey jersey"  (prohockeytalk.nbcsports.com)	(36)
		Oh, yeah. Like this hasn't happened before. "German's Push To Remodel Europe May Backfire"  (bloomberg.com)	(38)

(Some Angry McTeacher)

Best video you'll see all day of a teacher going nuts, throwing all of her food back in the window after not getting the right order at McDonalds. With mug shot goodness  (wtsp.com)

(281)

		Will Spurs bounce back after getting jobbed by the Potters? Are Chelsea finally getting their groove on? Can the transfer window open soon enough for a crocked United? All this plus a huge City v Arsenal match in this week's EPL thread  (dailymail.co.uk)	(223)
		A woman stood up to authority and refused to go to the back of the bus. Not a repeat from 1955  (haaretz.com)	(470)

		Michele Bachmann tells Santa all she wants for Christmas is to "win in Iowa." Santa forced to tell her he's not real and not all wishes come true  (caucuses.desmoinesregister.com)	(29)
		Sherlock is back. No, not your uncouth American fist-fighting one, a proper Sherlock  (guardian.co.uk)	(143)
(Some Guy)		Michele Bachmann goes totally meta, earns her 12th "Pants on Fire" rating by claiming "Politifact said everything I said was true"  (politifact.com)	(73)
(Pensito)		As America's first male First Lady, Marcus Bachmann says his number one cause will be hating gays  (pensitoreview.com)	(118)
(patch.com)		After months of languishing in a shelter after the death of her person, Bouncy the cat is bouncing back with a new home just in time for Caturday  (avon-oh.patch.com)	(273)
		Online criminal background checks may be accurate 99% of the time. Maybe. The remaining 1% leaves you homeless and class action lawyers rich  (telegram.com)	(77)

		All states which can confirm with 100% accuracy that there is no brain-eating bacteria in their tap water, please step forward. Not so fast, Louisiana  (rawstory.com)	(105)
(Texas Tribune)		Rick Perry retired back in January 2011 to boost his pension pay, thinks that people have been calling him a "retired" for months  (texastribune.org)	(50)
(Some Guy)		Missouri poised to take back the top spot from Kentucky...in the number of meth labs  (news-leader.com)	(53)
		Ever wonder what happened to that Browns fan that got bodyslammed a few years back? Me neither, but it turns out James Harrison knocked some sense into him  (cleveland.com)	(48)
		Tim Tebow wore a mic during Sunday's comeback win over the Bears. This awesome video could make you a believer  (youtube.com)	(414)

		Newt loves Iowa like a mistress, Santorum's frothing at the mouth, PAUL is Fed up, Huntsman is invisible, Romney's undies are laced up tight, Bachmann's still mayor of Crazy Town, and Perry...I forgot. Tonight...we debate in hell  (foxnews.com)	(830)
		Residents want stolen baby Jesus returned, say, "You want to take him for a little joy ride, that's fine. Just make sure he's back for Christmas"  (myfoxdc.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)		"Attention all units. Be on the lookout for a large truck stolen from 122nd Street. It's 75 feet long, 12 feet wide, 14 feet tall and has a PC300 Track Excavator on the back. So far no one has seen it"  (floridakeyssheriff.blogspot.com)	(35)
		Classic toy commercial from the 60's that shows that 1. Toys back then were a lot cooler, and 2. Even as a kid, Snake Plissken was a badass  (youtube.com)	(40)

		"Jason Bourne's got his memory back three times in a row now... It's not amnesia, you have a learning disability," said the star regarding his return to the franchise, adding, "MAAAAATT DAAAAAMON"  (nydailynews.com)	(27)
(Oak Creek)		Stupid: Calling the police to report your escort didn't give back your change. Embarrassing: Finding out "she" is a "he"  (oakcreeknow.com)	(74)
		Hasidic reggae singer Matisyahu gives up the faith but looks forward to a year of great new music and super-delicious bacon sandwiches  (avclub.com)	(68)
		Well, how in the hell else am I supposed to fill the 3900 square foot ice hockey rink in my backyard with water...officer?  (myfoxdc.com)	(88)
(Some Guy)		If your nickname is 'Bang Bang,' try not to leave a backpack with half your name written on it at the train station. It might cause people to freak out . "It had the name 'Bang' on it"  (couriermail.com.au)	(84)
		'SNL' star Abby Elliott strips down and gushes about girl crus...Hey, get back here  (nydailynews.com)	(65)

(Some Out of Work Tour Guide)		So you want to operate a mule drawn carriage and make up stories about The French Quarter? We'll just need you to pass a history test, submit to a criminal background check and pee into this little cup please  (wwltv.com)	(39)
		Chuck E Cheese: Where a kid can shut the hell up and clean the dishes in the back  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(38)
		Fus ro DELICIOUSBACON  (kotaku.com)	(61)

		Gary Busey endorses Newt Gingrich. This is another serious blow for Michele Bachmann, as the GOP's influential 'massive head trauma' bloc may now be up for grabs  (washingtonscene.thehill.com)	(56)
		Brian Urlacher after the game: "He's a good running back"  (sports.yahoo.com)	(204)
(The TSA Blog)		TSA: "We did not intend to order her to remove a medically-necessary back brace. We thought it was a money belt"  (blog.tsa.gov)	(287)

Spandex, once a vintage ABBA hot chick wardrobe staple, making a comeback. Unfortunately this time around, it's more like sausage casing for American fatasses  (npr.org)

(176)

		Hey GOP, I'm a small-business owner, and I put all my money right back into my businesses in the form of capital improvements, which I don't pay taxes on anyway. So your argument isn't how reality works  (huffingtonpost.com)	(186)
		New Gallup poll says that Americans consider making $150,000 a year to be rich. However for most people, it just gets them back to even  (huffingtonpost.com)	(261)

		New poll says Iowans are jazzed over Newt Gingrich, be-bopped over Ron Paul, waltzed over Mitt Romney, and yakkity saxed over Michelle Bachmann   (caucuses.desmoinesregister.com)	(121)
		Massive silverback gorilla roars and beats his chest, nearly scaring cameraman into a new pair of underwear. Not for the faint of heart  (liveleak.com)	(42)

(Some Photobomber)		Aaron Rodgers: Top-rated quarterback, Super Bowl MVP, massive attention whore  (rodgersphotobomb.com)	(111)
		Michele Bachmann: "Girls don't ask boys to dances." Sadie Hawkins unavailable for comment  (thinkprogress.org)	(180)
		Man wears Chewbacca mask during shooting, cops assign case to their new wookie  (upi.com)	(37)
		Newt Gingrich's sister is backing Obama in 2012. Well, gay half-sister, but still  (guardian.co.uk)	(81)
		Remember, when you drop your child off with a babysitter you found on Craigslist, you have to return later to pick him back up. "Quit (expletive) calling my phone"  (indystar.com)	(121)
		Woman involved in bicycle crash while training for the London Paralympic games, now out of the hospital and hopes to compete as a cyclist during the Olympic games instead. Wait... Something's backwards here  (nbcsports.msnbc.com)	(19)

		The baggage handler who lost her job after refusing to load a sick dog on an airplane gets her job back, back pay, and a donation to the Humane Society. Spiffy tag pushes Follow-Up out of the damm way  (washingtonpost.com)	(133)
		Governor Walker signs bill that says lawyers shouldn't get paid more than three times what they win for their clients. In other news, Bar Association backs recall  (twincities.com)	(121)
		Packers Linebacker charged with beating his girlfriend. IMO, she would be better off dating someone from the Colts. They don't beat anyone  (espn.go.com)	(71)
(Some Guy)		In his worst decision since Donny & Marie, Chewbacca will guest star on Glee  (usmagazine.com)	(88)
		GOP break 2005 truce and filibuster Obama's nominee for the DC Court of Appeals. Why? According to the Senior GOP senator on the Judiciary Committee Not because there is anything wrong with her, but just for "payback"  (npr.org)	(179)
		What four other scrambling quarterbacks think of Tim Tebow. Opinions range from "I'm probably his biggest fan" to "enjoy the circus while it's in town"  (abcnews.go.com)	(161)

		You never called back, and I'm not trying to stalk you, but I found your email address on Google, and here's 1,615 words on why you should go out with me again, you insensitive, stuck up, bia--  (observer.com)	(276)
(CBS Sports)		Apparently, signing Jeff Garcia as the third-string quarterback is what Houston needed to do to get a thread. Happy now, Texans fans?  (cbssports.com)	(52)
		Experts agree. "Backdoor" is on the top of her list as a gift  (moneyland.time.com)	(65)
(Some Guy)		Today's "Who'd a thunk it?" Solar panels feeding so much electricity back into the grid, that power companies have to raise rates to recoup loses  (theaustralian.com.au)	(251)
		In the Bible, a man named Barak was supposed to lead the Israelites to fight the Canaanites. But Barak wimped out, so Deborah stepped up and led the charge. In present day terms, Deborah is Michele Bachmann, and Barak is, obviously, Taxbongo  (wnd.com)	(78)
		Angelina Jolie sued over her new movie. Hell, I want my money back after reading that article  (starpulse.com)	(24)
		Bachmann rendered speechless by 8-year old, textbooks, waffle iron  (rawstory.com)	(714)
(96.1 Kiss)		Weatherman says he'll wear wife's Colts panties if they lose another game. Now would be a good time to come back Peyton  (961kiss.com)	(34)

		Nancy Pelosi is downright giddy that Newt is surging in the polls. Why? Well, she served on the ethics committee that investigated a younger, more attractive Newt back in the day and has "a thousand pages" of dirt on him  (slatest.slate.com)	(264)
(Vanishing New York)		Old-school NYC metalworking shop realizes second life after being sold to real-estate sharks back in 2008, stays standing as pop-up holiday gift boutique selling monocles and artisanal yurts  (vanishingnewyork.blogspot.com)	(15)
		Benicio Del Toro won't play the villain in J.J. Abrams' "Star Trek" sequel. He'll be busy combing his back hair  (contactmusic.com)	(101)
(Some Guy)		Man busted for "hotboxing" marijuana in his car. "The car was so thick with smoke that officers couldn't immediately see the two-year-old boy in the back seat"  (610wiod.com)	(118)
		A look back at silicone bracelets and the great democratization of philanthropy they brought  (yourlife.usatoday.com)	(60)
		Let's see: Commit a bunch of stupid penalties? Check. Throw a couple of key interceptions? Yep. Commit dumb mental mistakes not worthy of junior varsity? Of course. Welcome back Detroit Lions  (detnews.com)	(44)
(Some Guy)		10 things you might not know about tipping. "It's never enough to keep wait staff from making fun of you behind your back" gratuitously absent  (articles.chicagotribune.com)	(250)
		In the future, your house will be lit by firefly like bacteria. Shiny  (dailymail.co.uk)	(83)
		Tim Tebow wins on the back of the defense, rushing g- what do you mean it was 35-32 and he threw for over 200 yards?  (scores.espn.go.com)	(204)

Michele Bachmann: "Occupy Wall Street just wants people to pay for their stuff"  (huffingtonpost.com)

(279)

		The Ultimate Fighter 14 Finale Discussion - Live on Spike -- Can Mayhem Miller make good on his threat to give Bisping a "bully beatdown," or will the British bad boy send him back to MTV?  (usatoday.com)	(290)
		Christie Brinkley owes over $500,000 in back taxes. That's what she gets for living in her uptown world   (entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com)	(31)

		Britney Spears turns 30 today. Let's go back 20 years ago, to the beginning  (youtube.com)	(17)
		If same-sex marriage is permitted, Bachmann's Iowa co-chair warns, next people will want to marry inanimate objects, such as the Eiffel tower. Personally, I'm more of an Arc de Triomphe guy  (thinkprogress.org)	(180)
		Home prices decline again, now back to 2003 levels. In other news, home buyers' purchasing power still at 1903 level  (csmonitor.com)	(13)
		You know you've found a special girlfriend if she parks her car in the intersection to have sex with you, refuses to put her clothes back on when the cops tell her to, and then pees on the sidewalk of the woman who called the cops on you  (nwfdailynews.com)	(42)
		The best thing about Oakland Raiders linebacker Rolando McClain getting arrested? The spectacular photo  (sportsgrid.com)	(48)
		Coca-Cola: We're changing the cans to save the polar bears, Public: They look like Diet Coke and taste different CHANGE THEM BACK, Coca-Cola: Ummmm...fark it, change them back  (finance.yahoo.com)	(201)

		Michele Bachmann comes out in favor of marriage between gay men and their beards  (huffingtonpost.com)	(277)
(WXII)		Man dies after falling from back of pickup while trying to hold down mattress. That's what happens when you get out of the wrong side of the bed  (wxii12.com)	(49)
(Some Guy)		Michele Bachmann steals email list from a bunch of homeschoolers. Toothy wives inconsolable  (theiowarepublican.com)	(31)
		Australian Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd said in an interview that he backed the creation of a trilateral security deal and that the response from the Indian government had been "positive." India: Uhhh WTF are you talking about?  (reuters.com)	(8)
		Oakland Raiders linebacker Rolando McClain is doing all he can to get traded to the Bengals  (blog.sfgate.com)	(13)
(King 5)		Program gives professional ballerinas second chance to do something productive. With their ability to bend over backwards, they are naturals for the business world  (king5.com)	(9)
		Cee Lo Green has unfinished tattoo on his back that says "UCK YOU"  (starpulse.com)	(17)
		Mitt Romney was a real people person back in 1994. No word on he changed his stance on that too  (gawker.com)	(11)
		The Huntsman daughters bring sexy back. Don't click this link, it will only disappoint. Just savor the imagination   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(28)
		Michele Bachmann says she's "fully aware" we don't have an embassy in Iran; she was just applauding the Brits. Or something  (nymag.com)	(71)
		Carlos Mencia is attempting a comeback. You submitted this headline two years ago and it was way funnier then  (slate.com)	(53)

		Bachmann says she would close the non-existent U.S. embassy in Iran  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(175)
(Some Skinny Guy)		Remember back in the day when there were all those ads to help women GAIN weight? Me neither, but here is what they looked like. (Bonus: Not a slide show)  (retronaut.co)	(188)
		Herman Cain's campaign has taken a finanical hit after the allegations. YOU CAN'T CUT BACK ON FUNDING YOU WILL REGRET THIS  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(70)
		Looking back at our country's history, we can see that banning interracial marriages was a closed-minded practice back... oh, right now  (kentucky.com)	(187)
		I see from your background check your references are a reindeer and an elf  (myfoxtwincities.com)	(8)
		Lipitor goes generic. Patients now have extra money for more bacon  (news.yahoo.com)	(25)

		That viral story about a man getting sued for tattooing a steaming pile of poop on his cheating girlfriend's back? Totally full of crap  (thesmokinggun.com)	(69)
		The stars on the oldest heliocentric model known to man are on backwards...whoops  (newscientist.com)	(26)
		Obama uses taxpayer cash to back ACORN name changes used to dodge the law  (washingtontimes.com)	(171)
		Sotheby's to auction Apple's founding contract, complete with signatures of Steve Wozniak, Steve Jobs--and Ron Wayne, whose $800, 10% share he sold back to the Steves days after signing would be worth a cool $3.5 billion today  (macworld.com)	(17)
(Some Guy)		Give it up Community fans. Your show has about as much chance of getting back on the air as Family Guy, Futurama and Arrested Development do....wait, what? They did? Huh...carry on then  (aoltv.com)	(86)
		Oddly enough, the ol' "Call colleges your daughter is applying to, pretend to be a concerned nurse, and warn them that a rival girl applying for acceptance is a lesbian with an untreated STD" strategy somehow backfired  (stuff.co.nz)	(19)
		There's nothing creepier than a strange man knocking on your door late at night and when you answer he rocks his hands back and forth like he's cradling an invisible baby  (nwfdailynews.com)	(19)
		The 12 days of Christmas will now set you back more than $100K, according to the Association of Recycled News Story Writers  (consumerist.com)	(36)

		Louis CK is coming back to the best show on TV  (avclub.com)	(124)
		Barney Frank (D-ead on):"The House under Republican rule consists half of people who think like Michele Bachmann and half of people who are afraid of losing a primary to people who think like Michele Bachmann"   (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(178)
		Brownback uses the over-zealous staffer defense  (news.yahoo.com)	(205)
		Washington Capitals fire Bruce Boudreau. Will be replaced by Dale Hunter. Pierre Turgeon watches his back  (tsn.ca)	(79)

		Senior wide receiver steps in to play quarterback in his last game, promptly ends 26-year streak, becomes legend  (espn.go.com)	(21)
		Mad cow disease is killing Purcell, Handel, Vivaldi and Bach  (telegraph.co.uk)	(105)
(WQAD)		Fifteen people showed up to a Michele Bachmann event in Iowa  (wqad.com)	(167)
		Mmmmmmm, caramel bacon peanut bark *drool*  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(48)
		Vick out, Hassleback in. Hillis maybe, McGahee good. And Andre Johnson is back and ready for redemption. It's your Week 12 NFL Fantasy Football Roundup  (espn.go.com)	(60)

(Some Guy)		Packers linebacker makes his case to be signed by the Minnesota Vikings  (fox11online.com)	(39)
(Some Guy)		Protip: Cheat on your boyfriend AFTER you sign a consent form allowing him to tattoo anything he wants on your back  (veryweirdnews.com)	(439)

		40 years ago today, a man with enormous brass balls jumped out of the back of an airborne Boeing 727, with a knapsack full of cash, and a neck tie containing titanium  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com)	(118)
(WSB TV)		And the woman in the back said "your prices are on crack" and it turned into a salon blitz. And the girl in that place took a bowl to the face and it broke her teeth in to bits  (wsbtv.com)	(70)
		Rush Limbaugh responds to Jimmy Fallon's use of "Lyin' Ass biatch" for Michele Bachmann with a thoughtful, pensive monologue. Just kidding, he "introduces" Michelle Obama to the strains of "Baby Got Back"  (realclearpolitics.com)	(409)

		Soon Israelis may be enjoying the glory that is bacon. Sort of  (accessatlanta.com)	(100)
		Fed testing to see if banks can withstand 13 percent unemployment and an 8% drop in GDP. This is only a test  (finance.yahoo.com)	(42)
		At the debate last night, Michele Bachmann either made up a bunch of shiat about Pakistan nuke sites being attacked by terrorists, or she just eloquently showed why she can't be trusted on the House Intelligence Committee  (gawker.com)	(150)
(Some Guy)		Bear-cam sends back pictures of piccinnik baskets, eh booboo?  (montrealgazette.com)	(24)

		Nickelback as you've never seen them before: entertaining (Not safe for work language)  (funnyordie.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		Your new Broncos Quarterback - Ned Flanders   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(229)
		3 college students arrested in Egypt for tossing back some cocktails. No, wait that was arrested for tossing Molotov cocktails  (cnn.com)	(38)
		Everyone In the world Is 4.74 degrees of separation apart, says Facebook. Kevin Bacon disconsolate  (sfgate.com)	(55)
(Some Guy)		Because what today's distracted drivers REALLY need is rear-view mirrors with video playback and touch screen gaming  (gizmag.com)	(4)
		Iowa's ultra-conservative, ultra-Christian group Family Leader says it will nominate either Perry, Santorum, Gingrich, or Bachmann  (qctimes.com)	(412)
		Michele Bachmann's intro song on Jimmy Fallon: "Lyin' Ass biatch"  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(280)
		When you go to Thanksgiving dinner, be sure to share this advice with your parent, in-law, sister, roommate's mom, or whoever. Report back to Fark on Friday  (boston.com)	(113)
		Ex-Madoff employee says he and Bernie were faking trading records in the early 70's, back before Madoff went all mainstream and commerical  (news.yahoo.com)	(13)
		Hormel Foods no longer bringing home the bacon  (cnbc.com)	(9)
		Sure, it's great Sidney Crosby is back, but keep in mind he couldn't possibly have done poorly last night  (theglobeandmail.com)	(53)
		Microsoft Braintrust decides bacon is the best way to get new hires. They just might be right  (news.cnet.com)	(9)

(Some Hot Blonde with Normal Eyes)		What is it with Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants and their inability to maintain long-term relationships?  (digitalspy.com)	(34)
		You ask your neighbor for $2. They decline. Do you A) Say thanks anyway and leave, B) Ask for $5, C) Stab them in the back and leave them for dead. Difficulty: 2 out of 3  (orlandosentinel.com)	(62)
		Florida quarterback leads woebegone NFL team to three consecutive NFL wins. No, not Tebus, this is a guy who completes more than 50% of his passes  (miamiherald.com)	(77)
		Maurice Jones Drew mocks Cleveland fans with LeBron James-style chalk toss, promptly has chalk blown back in his face by karma  (sports.yahoo.com)	(32)

		Will the Rock and Cena connection no-sell everything Awesome Truth throws their way? Will JobMo finish jobbing his way out of the company? Can CM Punk get back the belt he never really lost? It's WWE Survivor Series, 8 PM ET on PPV  (sports.yahoo.com)	(2166)
		Woman has worked at McDonald's for over 40 years, starting when she was 36. Instead of being depressed, she seems happy about her career; "You give a little kindness, you get it back"  (qctimes.com)	(226)
(Morning Sentinel.com)		You show up to work and the boss sees you crying because you have to move out of your apartment. Does he: a) tell you to get back to work and leave your problems at home, b) fire you, or c) throw dust in subby's eye?  (onlinesentinel.com)	(176)
		Joe Paterno's son has a plan to get his dad's name back on the Big 10 trophy. But he needs someone to go back in time with him. You'll get paid after you get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(138)

		A Joe Paterno instructional video for linebackers has been pulled from the market thanks to Jerry Sandusky's involvement in it. (With really-creepy-in-retrospect Sandusky pic)  (tmz.com)	(52)
		If you stole two trains, The Swiss Vapeur Park would kindly like them back  (news.yahoo.com)	(48)
		The five worst movie songs. Yeah, the sinking boat song is there, the sappy Aerosmith tune, the Nickelback/Spiderman thing and... hey, wait a minute, who put Evanescence on the list?  (slate.com)	(86)
		Michele Bachmann: "Solyndra makes Watergate look like child's play"  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(154)
		Students are finally passionate about something - they're fighting to bring back chocolate milk  (komonews.com)	(55)
		Great news: Arrested Development is coming back. Now the bad news: if you want to see it you'll have to subscribe to Netflix's streaming service  (huffingtonpost.com)	(87)

		Bachmann says she hasn't made any gaffes  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(134)
		Regis Philbin get on back of scooter with David Letterman, immediately falls off and has to be helped up. Then things get weird. (with pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(16)

		Former Packer sentenced to six years in prison for painkiller possession. Guess he forgot to be a white quarterback  (espn.go.com)	(38)
		Woman steals a $1,400 handbag from her neighbor, then tries to sell it back to her, which is totes stupid  (dailymail.co.uk)	(28)
		The NYPD strikes back at the OWS protesters with predictable results. (pics of carnage)  (live.nydailynews.com)	(340)
		Michele Bachmann: "Waterboarding isn't torture." Interviewer: "Prove it." Michele Bachmann: "That's absurd"  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(220)
		We don't have flying cars, personal commuter jetpacks or a cure for cancer yet, but we do have bacon-flavored sexual lubricant, so yay science, I guess  (huffingtonpost.com)	(38)

		F/T, competitive pay, benefits, frequent travel may be required, bachelor's degree a must, blood pressure under 140/90, between 62 and 75 inches tall, must speak Russian, fax resume cover letter ATT: NASA  (myfoxdc.com)	(120)
		"No More Kardashian" petition demands that E Online stop giving the Kardashians so much air time. Kardashians respond with Chewbacca defense  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(66)
		Rick Perry's bold plan for Congress? Take it back to the 1850s  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(97)
(Some Guy in Texas)		What's the Mile High club called at 100 ft elevation? While in the back of a cop car? While handcuffed?   (montgomerycountypolicereporter.com)	(84)

		LaGrange man accused of stabbing and killing his pregnant girlfriend in 1981. "She was stabbed 34 times in the chest and back." A how how how how how how how how sick can you get?  (suntimes.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)		You may be going mad if both your dog and Jesus tell you to break into a vacant home because you're supposed to meet Taylor Swift there and marry her in the back yard  (wgme.com)	(81)
(The Destin Log)		Deputies reprimanded for failing to find gun hidden in man's fat rolls. Florida tag unbuttons pants, goes back for seconds  (thedestinlog.com)	(31)
		Court orders NYPD to let Occupy Wall Street back into Liberty Plaza with tents  (nydailynews.com)	(812)
		All that stuff about the Houston Texans finally making the playoffs? Not so much. Welcome back to The Matt Leinart Era  (espn.go.com)	(59)

		Well, at least there's some good news on the horizon, Doctor Who fans: John Barrowman doesn't think Torchwood will be back for a fifth season  (gigwise.com)	(76)
		Rex Ryan concedes that what he's got here are this year's version of the Same Old Jets. He made another good point, but it was called back on a holding penalty  (espn.go.com)	(25)
		As Blackberry fades into obsolescence, a look back at some other once-ubiquitous tech firms that crashed and burned  (foxnews.com)	(130)
		There's a quarterback controversy quietly brewing for the Arizona Cardinals. This would be huge news if it was happening in New York or Green Bay  (azcentral.com)	(72)
		Columnist complains because CBS cuts the Republican debate short for an NCIS rerun. Hey, let's be fair... Abby and Ziva vs. Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum: which group is more believable, and which would you choose to watch?  (cnn.com)	(86)
		Remember when you could go to a store and they would know who you were and put it on your account? Smartphones are taking us back to the mid-20th century  (bostonherald.com)	(33)
		Obama: "Cain and Bachmann are wrong about waterboarding"   (news.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(131)

		Just ahead of their IPO, Zynga CEO suddenly decides some of his employees are "under-performing" and have a choice of giving back their stock options or being fired. No word on whether they get an in-game tree as a consolation prize  (news.yahoo.com)	(90)
		Michele Bachmann's campaign manager apologizes for letting the [REDACTED] hit the fan  (nypost.com)	(30)
		South Carolina GOP comes out against Michele Bachmann's claims CBS marginalized her  (talkingpointsmemo.com)	(35)
		Son of conservative Iranian cleric critical of Ahmadinejad found dead of an apparent suicide in Dubai. The fact that he handcuffed himself, then shot four bullets in the back of his own head makes it really apparent he wanted to kill himself  (salon.com)	(52)
		Short line railroads are making a comeback. In other news, that strip of cleared land where you put your pool is a railroad right of way  (telegram.com)	(24)
		Remember K-Fed? Well, in Australia he's known as K-Fat now and they'd like for us to take him back  (news.com.au)	(40)
		CBS sends out email warning people that Michele Bachmann won't get any questions because she no longer stands a chance at securing the GOP nomination. Unfortunately, they sent the email to her staff as well  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(91)

		Yankees manager happy to have Sabathia back. You know, they *do* make an ointment for that  (nypost.com)	(3)
		Russia's dreams of Mars end. Luckily, their crippled, toxic fuel-filled probe that's plummeting back to earth should have enough memories for us all  (dailymail.co.uk)	(42)
(Some Guy)		A look back at the first days online in your parents basement  (guestofaguest.com)	(30)

		Today's stupid celebrity baby name goes to Bachelor "Winner" Shayne Lamas, who gave birth to daughter Press Dahl Lamas-Richie  (tmz.com)	(36)
		Syrian troops learn a little military lesson called "Custer's Last Stand" when the protesters fight back  (msnbc.msn.com)	(97)
		Guess who is back on top of the leaderboard?  (espn.go.com)	(37)
		Amazing low-tech device pulls water from even arid desert air using no power. Cool, the water problem's solved, let's get back to bombing people  (iheartchaos.com)	(151)

		Michele Bachmann lost her cool after her speaking event was crashed by Occupiers, and she responds by trotting out the old Bush-era "They're unAmerican and disrespect soldiers" line  (politico.com)	(404)
		Viacom shocked at double-digit drop in Nickelodeon's ratings during back to school month  (tvweek.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)		Man who submitted online petition to stop Nickelback from playing at a Detroit Lions game is shocked when it received 50,177 signatures in a matter of days  (annarbor.com)	(104)
(WTOL)		Hollywood Casino to drug test prospective employees...for tobacco  (wtol.com)	(163)
		Donate to my campaign and make a small loan to Solyndra and you'll get paid back. Those stupid taxpayers will never know  (cbsnews.com)	(116)
		UBS safely removes asset backed securities, gives up after five minutes and just ejects it forcefully  (finance.yahoo.com)	(4)
		New Zealand Department of Conservation accidentally kills 800 rare snails. Will be shipped back to lab as freight labeled S-cargo  (stuff.co.nz)	(19)
		Bachmann expresses her new tax plan in Happy Meals  (huffingtonpost.com)	(91)
(Some Guy)		What do you do on your first day back at "work", after being suspended for refusing to "work"? If you're Carlos Tevez, you head out on vacation to the other side of the planet  (goal.com)	(8)

		The electronic cigarette has been a pretty good tool to help one stop smoking but it has some unlikely critics and it's not Big Tobacco, it's government officials and antismoking groups  (nytimes.com)	(304)
		What's the record for backflips on a pogo stick? Because this guy is one short  (youtube.com)	(16)
(Some Guy)		A nostalgic look back at George Lucas's best movie ever  (tgdaily.com)	(52)
		"Do you think the millionaire ought to pay more in taxes than the bus driver?" asks the president. "More" the crowd screams back. Guess the president and the crowd  (rollingstone.com)	(376)

		This story demonstrates why you don't take the 12 year old step-grandkid out drinking with you: he can't drive you home and he sure doesn't have your back  (wsaz.com)	(14)
		Stonecutter finds fossil whale in marble slabs, holds back the electric car, rigs every Oscar night  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(31)

(Some Guy)		If taking your electric scooter on a joyride in the park after hours with a BAC three times the legal limit is wrong, then I don't want to be right  (tribune-democrat.com)	(8)
		Woman's amputated leg is growing back at a rapid speed. Oookaaay  (dailymail.co.uk)	(106)
		New study demonstrates how we create false memories. It's like the time I played nude backgammon with Christina Hendricks  (sciencedaily.com)	(31)
(courier mail.com.au)		Using a fire poker to brand your backside is, in hindsight, probably a bum idea  (couriermail.com.au)	(21)
		Taiwanese fishermen catch six Somali pirates out of season, throw them back into the sea  (bbc.co.uk)	(136)
(The Work Buzz)		15 weird excuses to call in sick, "...hurt his back chasing a beaver." Well who hasn't?  (theworkbuzz.com)	(139)
		News: Republican opponent asks "where is the adult" in reference to Herman Cain. FARK: It was Michelle Bachmann  (abcnews.go.com)	(39)
		Group putting up an anti-bacon billboard in Des Moines, which hosts the world's largest bacon festival. This. Will. Not. Stand.  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)	(190)
		Bachmann calls GOP rivals "frugal socialists". When asked to clarify which ones: "That's part of the puzzle that you figure out when I give a speech"  (thehill.com)	(123)
		Penthouse club getting rich off the backs (and fronts) of their employees  (philly.com)	(169)
		Michael Strahan's epic celebration of Eli Manning leading another fourth-quarter comeback against the Patriots  (sportsgrid.com)	(92)

		Not news: Man trapped in train crash. Fark: A model train in his back garden  (bbc.co.uk)	(39)
		Michelle Bachmann vows to create "millions of jobs" for Americans. No word on how she plans to make her fantasyland a reality  (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(318)
		34-car crash may have been caused by nearby firework display, says Chief Constable Anthony Bangham. Claim backed up by Inspector Wwwwwwooooosh and Sergeant Ffffffsssshhhhh-BOOM  (bbc.co.uk)	(38)
(asahi.com)		Japan's sovereign debt balloons past 1 quadrillion yen barrier, thanks to currency market interventions and disaster reconstruction. Time to go back to the rice standard  (ajw.asahi.com)	(30)
		"If [LSU-Alabama] was The Game of the Century, then I want my 100 years back...these two teams deserve a BCS championship rematch like Kim Kardashian deserves to keep her wedding gifts"  (espn.go.com)	(267)

Cleveland Browns players are sympathetic of Peyton Hillis' struggles to get back on the field after an injury. Just kidding; Seneca Wallace is throwing him under the bus  (cleveland.com)

(77)

		MF Global CEO hires criminal defense attorney because of all those pesky unnecessary criminal laws. He just needs government off of his back  (abcnews.go.com)	(90)
		Bachmann says libtards are so powerful, they reversed time and caused the bank crisis to appear to happen under the GOP's watch  (startribune.com)	(94)
		Judge that savagely beat his daughter says she's trying to get back at her for taking away her Mercedes. Oh, and the District Attorney refuses to prosecute him  (usatoday.com)	(744)
		AIG posts $4.3B quarterly loss, plans stock buyback with money earned when you finally land on Park Place with two hotels on it  (money.cnn.com)	(50)

		Attention science nerds: Scientific American's online archive, dating back to 1845, is available, free of charge, for the entire month of November  (nature.com)	(37)
		Five backup plans that would have changed modern history  (cracked.com)	(106)
		Fourth rattlesnake found in university building. Administration officials hope to scale back snake enrollment  (fox13now.com)	(41)
		Justin Beiber on Twitter: "I did not lose my virginity to a random 20-year-old fan and get her pregnant after a 30 second sex romp backstage." Justin Beiber to girl's lawyer: "I plead the fifth"  (mirror.co.uk)	(291)
		About five years ago, we were lamenting the loss of sitcoms on TV. due to Reality TV. Now, sitcoms are back, but we're still wondering where our good dramas are  (nymag.com)	(100)
		Don't call it a comeback. Roger Clemens has been here for years  (nydailynews.com)	(15)
		Researchers find the wider the range of bacteria babies are exposed to, the less likely they will develop allergies -- suggest diets supplemented with dirt  (upi.com)	(91)
		No, Wall Street. RIM is my wounded puppy. I'll do it. *grabs shotgun and drags RIM out back*  (bloomberg.com)	(24)
(Some Guy)		Hello. Onstar? Yeah, my stabby guy hiding in the back seat just deployed  (wtae.com)	(33)

		Northern Illinois linebacker suspended for sacking opposing team's band member  (deadspin.com)	(42)
		Lions fans have suffered enough. Please sign petition to keep Nickelback out of half-time show. PLEASE  (mlive.com)	(52)
		Vampire-like predatory bacteria could become a living antibiotic. Hey, as long as it doesn't sparkle or mope about, I'm fine with that  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(7)
		The 32 wittiest comebacks of all time. YOUR MOM HAD A WITTY COMEBACK  (buzzfeed.com)	(253)
		Guys: Zooey Deschanel is back on the market. Ladies: That creepy stalker hipster dude from Death Cab for Cutie is back on the market as well  (huffingtonpost.com)	(94)
		Doctors warn that sharing earbud headphones may lead to hearing loss, transmission of bacteria, getting hit by bus  (nzherald.co.nz)	(22)
		Montreal signs midfielder Ubiparipovic for debut season. That is--until someone tricks him into saying his name backward and sends him back to the 5th dimension  (foxnews.com)	(28)

		Old people today have more sex. Hey, come back, don't you want the rest of your grilled cheese sandwich?   (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)	(101)
		NASCAR team owner Rick Hendricks suffers broken bones after crashing in Jimmie Johnson's plane. No word if Chad Knaus called to ask if his back was cracked  (abcnews.go.com)	(14)
		Scientists say a full Kindle is a billionth of a billionth of a gram heavier than an empty one. Back to that niggling cancer conundrum, chaps?  (shortlist.com)	(54)
		Good news, consumers. Banks have heard your outrage over the utterly transparent debit card fees, so they're going to roll those on back and replace them with far more subtle fees instead  (usatoday.com)	(153)
(Some Guy)		Who wouldn't forget about five sticks of dynamite they stored in the trunk of an abandoned car in their backyard?  (wtkr.com)	(14)

		Leave it to the bloody-minded folks who invented the guillotine to devise the world's sickest house of horror. That it was back in 1947 only adds to the stomach-churning Gallic goodness. Happy Halloween, y'all  (life.com)	(33)
		Japan Tobacco posts ssssssssssssssssmoking quarter. Ha, I love that part of "The Mask." Ssssssssssssssssssmokin'. Sssssssssssssssssssmokin' ARE YOU SMOKIN' YET??  (marketwatch.com)	(8)
		Some people will do anything for beer, including breaking into apartments and stabbing people with corkscrews when they fight back  (chicagotribune.com)	(24)
		Back there, I could fly a gunship. I could drive a tank. I operated million-dollar equipment. Back here, I can't even hold a job PARKING CARS  (reuters.com)	(106)

		Michele Bachmann: I would 'not do anything' for children of illegal immigrants, We don't owe them anything,"  (nydailynews.com)	(246)
		New efforts begin to eradicate swamp rats. I used to bull's-eye swamp rats in my T-16 back home. They're not much bigger than two meters  (upi.com)	(57)
(Some Guy)		If ever there was a reason to do a background check on someone, this is it: "Jon and Kate Plus 8" TV editor arrested for child porn  (huliq.com)	(62)
		Not even the Stonecutters can hold back the electric car when wireless charging comes to town  (scientificamerican.com)	(57)
(Puddy's Digest)		After scoring TD, quarterback gets up and does what comes naturally...high fives the ref  (network.yardbarker.com)	(18)

		So, everyone watched the premieres of Grimm and Chuck last night. Naw, just kidding, everyone was watching the World Series. Now next week, Fox will see their ratings win decline as Fringe will be back  (insidetv.ew.com)	(48)
		Can Wisconsin bounce back? Can Michigan State keep up the momentum? Is Kansas State for real? And will Stanford's SOS finally be higher than Boise's? It's your college football discussion thread  (rivals.yahoo.com)	(1544)
		New Kids On The Block, Backstreet Boys announce spring tour, hiatus from Applebee's  (dailymail.co.uk)	(37)

		The NFL Quarterback power rankings, and handicapping this weekend's games (for those of you in Vegas only, of course)  (grantland.com)	(56)
		Sparks of electricity bring the dead back to life  (msnbc.msn.com)	(57)
		Oh, it's back all right. It's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz, baby. LET'S DO THIS THING  (fark.com)	(30)
		"Instead, Bruce tried to satisfy her feminine side by cross-dressing" (with yeah, you'd hit it, but it would hit you back video goodness)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(283)
		The next time you read a prediction by so-called "political experts," remember that back in May, George Will said it was certain that either Tim Pawlenty or Mitch Daniels would win the Republican nomination   (fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com)	(57)
		The Irish are looking for a little backdoor action in Greece's debt hole  (bloomberg.com)	(14)
		Thief steals man's backpack at beach. Man calls cop. The two go off in search of the thief, but the cop leaves his backpack at the scene. Thief steals cop's backpack. Now read this headline again with "Yakity-Sax" in your head  (nwfdailynews.com)	(23)
		Woman calls 911 because a deer was limping in her backyard. Gets upset when cops kill it and take it home for dinner  (cbsatlanta.com)	(166)

(Some Guy)		"I hate you all. Go back to Gainesville and manufacture human misery that we can laugh at from afar. That's what Florida is for, why we even keep it around. Being Fark fodder"   (kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com)	(20)
		GOP presidential candidates are asked their favorite movies, and the results are exactly what you'd expect: Herman Cain? The Godfather. Michelle Bachmann? Braveheart. RON PAUL? NONE, MOVIES AREN'T IN THE CONSTITUTION  (washingtontimes.com)	(347)
		Authorities give back $200,000 to cocaine dealer, suggest he not blow it all at once  (news.com.au)	(22)
		Dog bites off woman's ear, presumably while "Stuck in the Middle With You" was playing in the background  (philly.com)	(31)
		As one of the greatest feel good coming of age movies turns 18, sit back and become Dazed And Confused  (slate.com)	(131)

		♫ Tell your mama ♫ Tell your pa ♫ Walmart is moving back to Arkansas ♫  (marketwatch.com)	(19)
		Villainous maniacal laughter splicing. Complete with cheesy background music  (popwatch.ew.com)	(12)
		Man who got home from Taco Bell and realized there wasn't enough meat in his XXL Chalupas does the logical thing: He goes back and firebombs the joint with a Molotov cocktail  (thesmokinggun.com)	(119)
		Store sends autistic girl a $25 gift certificate to apologize for asking her to leave because of her service dog. Guess what happened when she went back to use it  (cbc.ca)	(213)
		Obama likens GOP presidential race to 'Survivor'; Cain taxes 1 of every 9 coconuts, Romney frequently changes alliances, Bachmann is good at building tax shelters, and Santorum wants to vote out the token gay guy  (news.yahoo.com)	(55)
		Google ditches its other +, and "how" "to" "get" "it" "back"  (wired.com)	(64)
(Some Guy)		We're getting the Hobbits back together  (movies.com)	(113)

		Vroooooooooooooooom, start your engines: Formula One to unveil plans to hold a Grand Prix race in NJ with the NYC skyline as a backdrop in 2013  (nypost.com)	(89)
		Necco brings back artificial flavors because customers didn't want healthy, naturally flavored cabbage and beet candy  (boston.com)	(39)
(Patch.com)		Comcast, Verizon ordered to disclose over 100 customer records of people who illegally downloaded pornographic movies back in---hang on, someone's at the door  (pikesville.patch.com)	(84)
		Man tries to flood his jail cell with toilet water. As expected, back up plan fails  (nwfdailynews.com)	(20)

		WHO will have the 3-2 series lead going back to St. Louis? CAN C.J. Wilson follow Holland and blank the Cardinals again tonight? WILL Joe Buck do COCAIIIIIIIINE on air? THIS is YOUR 2011 World Series: Game 5 Discussion Thread. (8 ET on FOX)  (espn.go.com)	(862)
		Burger Bistro Donut Burger contains chopped meat, American cheese, Applewood smoked bacon, a fried egg and a coupon for a nearby cardiologist stuffed into a sugar-glazed donut  (brooklynpaper.com)	(32)
		Former Michele Bachmann staffers shocked to discover they were working for Michele Bachmann  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(58)
		"In the back at Whole Foods, they're offloading all the produce from huge plastic containers into those individual-looking cardboard boxes, which by the way did not come from 'Patty's Farm.'"  (npr.org)	(259)
		You're sailing down the Amazon and come in contact with members of a tribe that have never seen modern people. Do you: A) Approach? B) Back off? C) Leave food? D) HOLY CRAP, THEY'RE SHOOTING ARROWS AT US  (mnn.com)	(165)

(Some Guy)		Michele Bachmann: "We have nothing to show for our time in Iraq", thus propelling her to the lead for the 2004 Democratic nomination   (campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com)	(124)
		Will the Dolphins and Colts continue to Suck for Luck? Can the Packers remain undefeated? Will all of the starting QB shuffling make a difference in NFL Week 6: The week of the second string Quarterback? (Games begin at 1 PM ET on CBS and Fox)  (scores.espn.go.com)	(lots)
		Mother packs daughter's school backpack with pencils, books, sandwich with extra heat  (nydailynews.com)	(63)
(Some Guy)		Study pushes origin of land life back from 6000 to 6027 years ago  (vancouversun.com)	(35)

		Woman frets about paying back $160K student loan while still affording rent in NYC. Luckily, she can buy her organic, locally-grown groceries with a credit card. Seriously, is she trying to win a "you're doing it wrong" contest?  (npr.org)	(410)
		Michelle Bachmann's entire New Hampshire staff jumps ship  (politics.blogs.foxnews.com)	(65)
		Texas authorities arrest 76 year old woman with heart, back and breathing problems for a 40 year old unsolved murder. Well I certainly feel much safer now  (chron.com)	(164)
		While you were busy being distracted by those hippies in Zuccotti square, Bank of America just transferred $55 trillion in bad debts to taxpayer-backed accounts  (nypost.com)	(357)
		The last thing I remember is that poor little monkey... trying to put the cork back in  (wsaz.com)	(45)

		The Jackson 5, Janet, and Carol Burnett too. A flashback to more innocent days  (youtube.com)	(11)
		Some crazy bastard bet the Cardinals to win the NL and the World Series when they were five games back of the wild card and got gajillion-to-1 odds (with pic)  (deadspin.com)	(42)
		Scam artists posing as famous athletes have been fooling the public for years: a pudgy sex offender pretending to be Vince Young, a petty thief claiming he was Ben Roethlisberger, Jay Cutler posing as an NFL quarterback, etc  (slate.com)	(28)
		eBay shares fall after negative feedback from investors. F-- WHERE THE HELL ARE MY DIVIDENDS???  (bloomberg.com)	(17)
		Virgin pilot blown off, inappropriate thrusting involved  (abc.net.au)	(19)
		School district rewards A+ students with bracelets containing pictures of naked women. Attempts to recover bracelets but "has so far gotten only a handful back"  (news.yahoo.com)	(43)
		NFL Films digs through frozen tundra of its entire DVD back catalog, issues 115 titles via digital download for first time ever  (google.com)	(25)

		Police have found the man responsible for stealing hundreds of pigs from Iowa farms over the past few months. Some people will do anything for bacon  (desmoinesregister.com)	(33)
		TONIGHT, the October Classic begins as "Back-to-Back" AL Champions, the Texas Rangers, take on the NL Champion St. Louis Cardinals. THIS is YOUR Official FARK Thread for Game 1 of the 2011 World Series. (8pm EST/7pm CST on FOX)  (scores.espn.go.com)	(580)
		We almost have the technology, here are the top 16 creatures we should be bringing back from extinction. Yabba dabba doo  (iheartchaos.com)	(152)
		The highlight of last night's debate were Michele Bachmann's futile attempts to get Anderson Cooper to notice her (w/ANDERSON ANDERSON ANDERSON video)  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(98)
		Ready your "LOL 57 states" retorts, 'baggers, Michelle Bachmann doesn't know where Libya is  (huffingtonpost.com)	(175)
		As Paramount considers making Transformers 4 and 5 together, does shooting films back to back ever actually work?  (denofgeek.com)	(73)
		1000-year-old Viking relics found in Scotland, not back in Mississippi as ESPN would have you believe  (bbc.co.uk)	(39)

		Having no other pressing business to attend to, US Senators want to ban players from chewing tobacco at the World Series  (msn.foxsports.com)	(38)
		Will 9-9-9 hit the 7-7-7? Will Santorum play craps? Will Gingrich have a one night stand? Will Bachmann double-down? THIS...is your Las Vegas GOP debate thread  (washingtonpost.com)	(1147)
		Bachmann on Iraq: "We should be getting paid back for these countries that we liberated"  (politico.com)	(168)
		Iowa National Guard machine gunner develops Predator-style ammo backpack, still ain't got time to bleed  (gizmodo.com)	(64)
		KFC's sequel to the Double Down takes basically everything they serve, puts it in a bowl and then adds a farkload of bacon  (gawker.com)	(114)
		In interest of not being labelled interfering, Occupy Cincinnati protesters clear park for wedding party to take photos. Cool: Wedding party invites protesters back to be in the photos  (huffingtonpost.com)	(43)

Don't call it a comeback, the market's been farked for years  (finance.yahoo.com)

(9)

		"I wasn't serious about putting up an electrified fence on the US/Mexico border," says a backpedaling Herman Cain  (dailycaller.com)	(133)
		Epic fake punt touchdown run brought back for excessive celebration  (wimp.com)	(74)

		ALCS two-steps back to Texas for Game 6, Rangers try to end Tigers' tale. Scherzer vs. Holland, 8:05pm ET, Fox  (sports.yahoo.com)	(507)
		As I was going to St Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Every wife had seven sacks. Every sack had seven cats. But one wife lost her purple sack. It was found but not sent back. Welcome these seven cuties to Caturday  (thesun.co.uk)	(lots)