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Sun September 06, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(ESPN) Fail Atlanta Braves use weekend sweep of one of the top teams in baseball to solidify their spot in the wild card race. Just kidding, they scored four runs in three games and were swept by the Reds. Cox  (scores.espn.go.com) (21)
(Major League Baseball) Spiffy The coolest around the horn triple play you'll see all day courtesy of the Milwaukee Brewers  (mlb.mlb.com) (38)
(Discovery) Weird What do Atlanta Falcons tight end Tony Gonzalez. Milwaukee Brewers slugger Prince Fielder and UFC fighter Mac Danzig have in common? They are all vegans  (planetgreen.discovery.com) (67)
(Major League Baseball) Cool Ichiro Suzuki becomes the second fastest player to amass 2,000 major league hits  (mlb.mlb.com) (45)
(NASCAR) Cool NASCAR Pep Boys Auto 500 at Atlanta discussion thread  (nascar.com) (553)
(Google) Asinine How do you reward a five time pro bowler who has been with your team since 2001? If you are the New England Patriots you trade him to the Raiders a week before the season begins  (google.com) (77)
(ESPN) Scary Usually waiting to choke on playoff pressure, Charger now chokes on Tequila  (sports.espn.go.com) (123)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Another top seed ousted from the US Open? Czech  (guardian.co.uk) (19)
(IOL) Interesting Racing goes green with electric drag racers: "People laugh at electric cars and say they are golf carts, but they're not. These Teslas here will spank Ferraris"  (iol.co.za) (20)
(Free Press) Obvious Michigan football fans aren't exactly appreciative of local paper's investigation exposing possible NCAA violations: "I'm a person of strong moral conviction ... however, I wish nothing but pain and death to you"  (freep.com) (64)
(USA Today) Amusing Northern Iowa has chance to kick game-winning field goal, but Iowa blocks it. However, the ball doesn't pass the line of scrimmage, so Northern Iowa falls on it and gets a second chance.... and Iowa blocks that one, too  (content.usatoday.com) (27)
(ESPN) Cool Looks like Mormons are better pioneers than Sooners. You have died of dysentery  (espn.go.com) (120)
(The Sporting Blog) Interesting The Vikings no longer like the Booty  (sportingnews.com) (26)
(AFP) Obvious Wayne Rooney accused of diving in England's friendly against Slovenia and having a head like Sputnik - spherical but quite pointy at parts  (news.yahoo.com) (16)
(Daily Star) Cool Fatties won't get preferred seating at 2012 Olympics as organizers tell them they have three years to slim their asses down enough to fit them into standard stadium seats  (dailystar.co.uk) (34)
(670 The Score) Followup Jeff Garcia released by the Raiders, which just means he'll have to hook up with another team, and out of nowhere lead them to a bunch of wins unexpectedly  (670thescore.stats.com) (69)

Sat September 05, 2009
(Google) Interesting 17 year old toples Maria Sharapova  T-Shirt  (google.com) (230)
(ESPN) Cool Tribesmen take Virginia. This is not a repeat from 1757  (scores.espn.go.com) (35)
(Autosport) Dumbass Not news: Nelson Piquet Jr. crashes his Formula 1 car. News: He does it on purpose. Fark: On team orders to help his teammate  (autosport.com) (14)
(Some Guy) Misc El Salvador loses World Cup qualifier to U.S. in Utah, plus their wallets, laptops, iPods  (failuremag.com) (7)
(Newsday) Cool NY Giants to Super Bowl hero David Tyree: "Yeah, hey, uhhhh, thanks for that miracle catch that helped us win the Super Bowl...Coach wants to see you, and bring your playbook. And you might want to call a cab"  (newsday.com) (45)
(Miami Herald) Strange And remember, always spay and neuter your wrestlers  (miamiherald.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Experts ask, "Will England win the 2010 soccer World Cup in South Africa?" And what color will the winged moneys that fly out of their butts be when they do?  (goal.com) (8)
(670 The Score) Spiffy There is some good news for Cubs fans today: Soriano's bad knee will keep him from making errors indefinitely  (mobile.670thescore.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Spiffy It's the first Saturday of College Football. You know what's on the right. LGN  (i9.photobucket.com) (lots)
(Cracked) Amusing Eleven obnoxious characters from every fantasy football draft  (cracked.com) (63)
(Yahoo) Spiffy What happens when a struggling pitcher faces a Yankees team that has won seven in a row? He one-hits them, that's what  (sports.yahoo.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Obvious CFL coach apologizes for calling Saskatchewan "the crotch of Canada", even though it is  (vancouversun.com) (31)
(CNN) Sad Chris Paul, Kobe Bryant, Ray Allen, Steve Nash, and Dirk Nowitzski breathe a collective sigh of relief as one of the best perimiter defenders in NBA history retires  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (83)
(ESPN) Cool Derek Jeter about to eclipse Lou Gehrig for the all-time hits record for the Yankees, and even Red Sox Nation wants him to stick around long enough to get the all-time hits overall record away from Pete Rose  (sports.espn.go.com) (72)

Fri September 04, 2009
(Seattle Times) Hero Gold glove third baseman misses catch. Fail. Going "cupless in Seattle" ball ricochets off family jewels. EPIC FAIL. Stays in game swollen to the size of a sweet valencia orange. HERO Opposing Manager calls it "Ballsy."  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (40)
(CBS Sports) Cool Tiger Woods deals with poor shot at Friday's Deutsche Bank Championship by whispering "darn it" and promising to do better. Just kidding. He audibly f-bombed and threw his driver into the reeds, letting his caddy hunt for it  (cbssports.com) (71)
(ESPN) Followup Suckerpunch McGee suspended for the whole season  (sports.espn.go.com) (316)
(Pro Football Talk) Obvious Buffalo Bills fire offensive coordinator Turk Schonert after first-string offense produces nearly as many turnovers as points for entire preseason  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (29)
(Reuters) Obvious Chess master disqualified from tournament after showing up drunk and passing out at table, in the most interesting thing to happen in world of competitive chess ever  (in.reuters.com) (31)
(ABC News) Unlikely Organizers of new Lingerie Football League plead for it to be seen as a legitimate sport. "I've seen people say it is a joke and it is degrading and it makes me mad. We are real athletes - wait till you see us play"  (abcnews.go.com) (54)
(News.com.au) Fail There are a number of uplifting things a coach can say after a loss. Calling your opposition captain a "f***ing weak c***" is probably not among them  (news.com.au) (11)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this commissioner (voting enabled)  (media.journalinteractive.com) (43)
(Yahoo) Cool Utah on their way to repeat undefeated national champions  (rivals.yahoo.com) (98)
(Reuters) Sad Pacman Jones becomes the latest minor-league call-up unable to cut it in the high-stakes world of the Canadian Football League, is cut by the Winnipeg Rough Riders  (blogs.reuters.com) (48)
(Yahoo) Sad Long-time Detroit Tigers announcer Ernie Harwell has inoperable cancer  (news.yahoo.com) (39)
(Philly) Fail Congratulations to Temple for being the first football team to lose to a I-AA team this year  (philly.com) (34)
(YouTube) Dumbass LeGarrette Blount didn't get any positive yardage against Boise State, but he did get in at least one solid hit  (youtube.com) (383)
(CNN) Interesting NFL commish Roger Goodell expects the 2010 season to be played with no salary cap, meaning that the Redskins will have a $900 million payroll and win 5 games  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (66)
(ESPN) Dumbass NASCAR chase contender Carl Edwards breaks foot: a) practicing back flips b) in a horrific crash c) playing Frisbee  (sports.espn.go.com) (25)

Thu September 03, 2009
(Google) Cool Kaka says Argentine will crack versus Brazil in Saturday's World Cup qualifying match. You should listen to Kaka, because he really knows his sh*t  (google.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Buccaneers fire Jeff Jadgzon...Jeff Jagonz...Jeff Jazgdonz...Buccaneers fire their offensive coordinator for not wanting to make their suckiest quarterback start  (greenbaypressgazette.com) (55)
(MSNBC) Followup Curt Schilling downplays interest in Senate run, but refuses to rule it out. How very atypical of Curt to stir the pot and keep his name in the media  (nbcsports.msnbc.com) (27)
(Sporting News) Stupid Washington Redskins now suing fans that can't afford to keep their season tickets. On the upside, free team publicity  (sportingnews.com) (33)
(ESPN) Dumbass After being suspended for a total of 14 games in the last three seasons and given a second chance last year after his fifth arrest, Cincinnati's Chris Henry says he's finally learned his lesson  (sports.espn.go.com) (13)
(The Onion) Obvious Small unathletic walk-on injures 9 in Notre Dame pre-season practice  (theonion.com) (16)
(Bitten and Bound) Cool The transition from Power Ranger to MMA fighter is nearly complete for the guy with three first names. (pics)  (bittenandbound.com) (60)
(The Sporting Blog) Amusing Ken Griffey Jr. welcomes back Adrian Beltre from his testicle injury by having the stadium play "The Nutcracker" during at bats  (sportingnews.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Fail The Pittsburgh Pirates will be the first team, in the history of major sports, to have 17 consecutive losing seasons  (bareknucks.com) (119)
(670 The Score) Cool A-rod gets hit number 2,500, and in stroke for all that is good, it came about a year after Derek Jeter got his 2,500th hit  (670thescore.stats.com) (54)
(FanHouse) Followup Octagon girl finally reveals why UFC made her tap out  (mma.fanhouse.com) (44)
(BBC) Interesting Bolting Gay avoids Brussels clash. Or something like that  (news.bbc.co.uk) (7)
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing Backup Bengals QB Jordan Palmer keeps brother Carson's bizarre endorsement flame alive by developing iPhone app called "RunPee"  (sportsbybrooks.com) (7)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Amusing A group of Notre Dame alumni buy billboard in South Bend saying "Best wishes to Charlie Weis in the 5th year of his college coaching internship."  (blogs.suntimes.com) (68)
(Washington Post) Obvious With a waiting list of 160,000, Redskins management realized someone in in the ticket office was doing something they shouldn't have when their quaterback was out shouted by Steelers fans at a Washington home game  (washingtonpost.com) (71)
(ESPN) Interesting The best MLB trades of this year, or the worst Photoshopped player portraits of this year  (sports.espn.go.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Interesting My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who said she heard Roger Goodell will reinstate Michael Vick this weekend  (nfl.fanhouse.com) (22)
(670 The Score) Spiffy The economy can't be that bad: The NFL's Oakland Raiders are the least valuable team at $797M, and even the winless Detroit Lions generated more than $200M in revenue  (670thescore.stats.com) (47)

Wed September 02, 2009
(Post Gazette) Hero Quick actions of physicians, PNC Park staff bring man back to life after cardiac arrest. Man notices he's been watching the Pirates play the Reds and asks why they bothered  (post-gazette.com) (22)
(CNN) Dumbass Peter King's massive head thinks the division with the Detroit Lions is the best in the NFL  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (105)
(Detroit News) Unlikely The latest person to defend Michigan about accusations of breaking NCAA rules, Ohio State's own Captain Sweatervest  (detnews.com) (56)
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing Chicago Bears WR hopeful tries to secure a roster spot by sending the entire coaching staff flowers  (sportsbybrooks.com) (40)
(With Leather) Video We'd see more narcoleptic bowlers if only we could just zzzzzzzzz  (withleather.uproxx.com) (22)
(Boston Herald) Obvious David Wright's new helmet is bigger than the distance between the Mets and first place  (bostonherald.com) (45)
(BBC) Obvious Soccer player ACTUALLY banned for 2 games for diving, failing to remove his purse from field  (news.bbc.co.uk) (77)
(ESPN) Spiffy Ricky Williams plans on retiring in 2010, complete his undergratuate degree, then apply to medical school, become a doctor and move to, oh, perhaps California. If you have a prescription then it's legal, right?  (sports.espn.go.com) (63)
(CNN) Followup NFL may fine Brett "Just Havin' Fun and Endin' Careers Out There" Favre for his illegal crackback block  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (166)
(Deadspin) Amusing "The New York Mets are not the worst team in baseball. They are not even the most ineptly run franchise in their own division. Yet, their 2009 campaign may have forever redefined the concept of losing"  (deadspin.com) (88)
(Yahoo) Obvious The Chiefs' starting wide receiver? It's not A. Toomer  (sports.yahoo.com) (32)
(CBS Sports) PSA It might be a good idea to avoid Winnipeg strip clubs for the next 12 months  (cbssports.com) (48)

Tue September 01, 2009
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Followup Either the weight of his massive contract or the weight of his fat a$$ caused the inevitable to happen  (news.cincinnati.com) (39)
(The Sporting Blog) Amusing Ron Artest winds down the summer by belting out Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" (with video)  (sportingnews.com) (13)
(Orange County Register) Obvious Tenured professors with research grants and everything prove Tom Brady is dreamy  (ocregister.com) (19)
(Free Press) Dumbass Daunte Culpepper sacked by living room carpet. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Detroit Lions  T-Shirt  (freep.com) (91)
(FanNation) Interesting For sale: Wide receiver, air-cooled. Can run slants and crossing patterns. Does not enjoy practice or mouthy broads. Best offer. Call the Denver Broncos  (fannation.com) (107)
(Philly) Silly I have bad news for people anxious to get the preseason over with...it hasn't even started yet  (philly.com) (50)
(Vancouver Sun) Cool Luongo signs a $64 million, 12 year contract with the Canucks using the Franzen loophole  (vancouversun.com) (87)
(670 The Score) Followup Favre plays three quarters, won't confirm cracked rib. Doesn't plan on retiring again before start of regular season  (670thescore.stats.com) (119)
(Google) Stupid The U.S. Open is becoming less and less about actual tennis and devolving into a second fashion week  (google.com) (21)
(670 The Score) Sad Bears release Dusty Dvoracek after his fourth season-ending injury in four years. Dvoracek attempts to wave goodbye, inadvertently tears rotator cuff  (670thescore.stats.com) (24)
(Major League Baseball) Interesting Dodgers hit up the rummage sales, bring home Thome and Garland  (losangeles.dodgers.mlb.com) (91)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Golfing community split by the birth of a controversial new caddy service which provides attractive, nubile women to carry players' clubs. (w/ "I'd long iron that hole" pictures)  (dailymail.co.uk) (30)
(Sports by Brooks) Stupid Erin Andrews wants people to forget about her nude videos, which is why she's appearing on Oprah to introduce herself to millions who otherwise wouldn't know who she is  (sportsbybrooks.com) (77)

Mon August 31, 2009
(ESPN) Sad Say what you will about the Cincinnati Reds, the usher-to-fan ratio is excellent  (espn.go.com) (49)
(Sports by Brooks) Spiffy Time to break out the Trojans, the 2009 USC Song Girls are here (Photos from L.A. Coliseum gameday dress rehearsal last Saturday)  (sportsbybrooks.com) (48)
(ESPN) Obvious Favre is so old, one of his ribs cracked just thinking about playing two quarters in the pre season  (sports.espn.go.com) (60)
(ESPN) Fail Michigan football coach breaks down and cries over cheating allegations; recent record against tOSU  (sports.espn.go.com) (124)
(670 The Score) Amusing Bengals train about to leave the station, top pick Andre Smith decides to jump on-board  (670thescore.stats.com) (36)
(670 The Score) Unlikely White Sox trading-deadline prize, Jake Peavy, injured for second time in rehab start  (670thescore.stats.com) (40)
(MSNBC) Sad Bye-Bye Bruschi  (nbcsports.msnbc.com) (126)
(The Sporting Blog) Dumbass Drunken rugby players release two-ton grass roller down a hill crushing another player's skull. Of course, because it's a rugby player, she'll be fine  (sportingnews.com) (24)
(670 The Score) Cool Zack Greinke one-hits Seattle. Mr. Greinke, meet Mr. Young, Cy Young  (670thescore.stats.com) (62)
(CNN) Dumbass Maybe if it didn't cost $700 for two tickets, two beers, and a hotdog you wouldn't have these problems  (cnn.com) (93)
(SFGate) Followup Giants in the rear view mirror may be closer-HOLY CRAP IT'S RIGHT HERE  (sfgate.com) (45)
(ESPN) Fail Kyle Orton hurt in a 27-17 preseason loss to former Denver Bronco QB Jay Cutler and the Chicago Bears  (espn.go.com) (220)

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