FARK.com: Sports links -- Archives for 2009-04-19

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Sun April 19, 2009

(Golf.com)	Gay wins by ten strokes	(18)
(Some Guy)	Nationals bench Dukes for being five minutes late because he was doing charity work FOR the Nationals	(30)
	Move away? Health problems prevent you from playing? Dead? Too bad. Welcome to the golf club you can never leave	(27)
	Remember Beckett's suspension? Yeah, not so much	(47)
	Kobe might be brought up on charges in Utah	(30)
	Will Philly put the little black thing in the net? Will the Devils be rocked like a Hurricane? Will anyone care about the other 2 games? Pitt vs. Phil @ 3, Vancouver vs. STL @ 7, NJ vs. Car @ 7:30, and Anaheim vs. SJ @ 10PM EST	(771)
	The Spider wins 9th straight via lopsided decision	(88)
	Fifty-year old Mark Martin guides his AARP Chevy to the win in Phoenix. Promptly disqualified for having curb feelers that were out of spec	(20)
	German soccer team plays so badly, they're offering refunds to fans. New York Yankees observe nervously	(8)
	Zach Greinke of the Royals shuts out Rangers, moving his record to 3-0 with a 0.00 ERA and 26 K's. That sound you hear are AL hitters collectively crapping themselves	(72)
	Lidge blows first save in 54 chances to allow tie in ninth. Then, to prove he was back to pre-2008 form, he gives up a game-winning homer	(35)

Sat April 18, 2009

	The Braves are shutout two games straight. Fark: By the Pirates	(36)
	First points night race of the year - Subway Fresh Fit 500 at Phoenix discussion thread	(334)
	The most unknown but best looking dynasty in college sports: University of Georgia's women's gymastics team wins its 5th national title in a row	(37)
(Some Guy)	How can the Nationals season of fail get any worse? Try misspelled uniforms	(33)
	Not news: Yankees pitching staff gives up 14 runs. Fark: In one inning	(166)
	The Bulls beat the Celtics and Derrick Rose ties Kareem Abdul-Jabbar for the most points by a rookie in his playoff debut, proving the Celtics might miss that Kevin Garnett guy	(34)
	An NFL strike could be a real possibility. Owners want a rookie wage cap so they don't have pay $40 million to unproven players. Try telling that to a guy wanting new bling	(32)
	NFL take note: Liverpool soccer player suspended 14 games for GIGGLING during a memorial service	(30)
	Yankees finally win first game in new stadium, leaving ESPN searching for something else to obsess about	(52)
	A little late, but here is your NBA playoffs discussion thread. GO CLIPPERS	(91)
	Kenyan runner favored to win Boston Marathon, set to become to second most famous person born in Kenya after Barack Obama	(19)
	Florida Marlins off to best start in franchise history, stay on pace for 161-1 record with win over Nationals	(25)
(Some Guy)	What do you get when you combine the mascots of the Patriots, Celtics and Red Sox into one Frankenstein-esque tattoo? Nothing good, that's for sure (w/ pic)	(26)
	Fark yardwork on a nice day. Let's stay indoors and watch the NHL playoffs. Rangers/Caps @ 1pm EST, Jackets/Wings @ 6pm EST, Habs/Bruins @ 8pm EST, and Flames/Hawks @ 9pm EST	(414)
	It's Arsenal v Chelsea and Manchester United v Everton in the FA Cup semi-finals, while in the league there are several important matches in the battle to avoid relegation	(109)
	Today's headline: "Gary Sheffield hits 500th homerun". Tomorrow's headline: "Mets release Gary Sheffield"	(33)
	Wicked goal of the week brought to you by farking Ronaldo again	(37)

Fri April 17, 2009

	Yankee Stadium close captions Carl Pavano being booed. Pavano tears his hamstring trying to laugh it off	(25)
	Two years after his formal retirement, former NFL quarterback Jake Plummer is making a football comeback... as a high school coach	(17)
	Flyers vs. Pittsburgh @ 7PM, Carolina vs. New Jersey @ 7:30PM, and St. Louis vs. Vancouver @ 10PM EST. Round 1, Game 2 time. Damn the Quiznos Torpedoes... full speed ahead	(349)
	Bill Murray injures woman with ball while involved in foursome	(44)
	Helio Castroneves dances away from tax evasion charges. Paul Tracy is still not amused	(16)
	The Eagles make a stunning trade. Nope, not for that guy. Not that guy either	(35)
	This week we were witness to two historic thaws: Obama recognizing Cuba and ESPN acknowledging on-air sports blogs that criticize it	(8)
	Now that John Madden has retired from broadcasting, does that free him up to run the Oakland Raiders once Al Davis is done running the team into the ground?	(44)
	St. Louis Cardinals expect Chris Carpenter to miss up to 2 months. Just enough time for the Cubs to have a 15 game lead by then	(62)
	Michigan has offered Duke basketball's Greg Paulus a spot at QB on the football team. Article includes a rare, but still humorous, photo of Paulus not flopping	(65)
	Seven Songs as Confusing as John Madden's Telestrated Instant-Replay Diagrams	(82)
	MLB has been touting participation of Albert Pujols in the Home Run Derby this year, which is big news... to Albert Pujols. "When is the All-Star Game, six months from now? If my elbow's not healthy, I'm not doing it"	(27)
	Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Roy Halladay reportedly asks for constant trades to whichever team is scheduled to play the Minnesota Twins whenever it's time for his next start	(29)
	So, you go and drop a couple hundred for the seat, watch the Yanks get walloped over 2400 calories of popcorn, what then to do? Head to the stadium farmers' market for some raw beef... a mere $30/pound	(53)
(Pro Football Talk)	Potential 1st-round draft picks Clay Matthews and Brian Cushing created a Facebook group called "White Nation" which advocated the "arrest [of] black babies before they become criminals."	(44)
	A brand-new Citi Field and there's no hot water in the visitors' clubhouse; on the bright side, this breaks with Mets tradition of having things fall apart in September	(22)
	Collinsworth set to replace Madden. BOOM	(87)
(Some Guy)	Why Nate McMillan, completely overlooked, should easily be the Coach of the Year. Suck it, Van Gundy	(35)
	NASCAR stock car driver Jack McCoy dead. No Hatfields seen in the area	(33)
	Washington Nationals are still better than the Detroit Lions	(28)

Thu April 16, 2009

	Not News: Cubs lose 7-4 to the Cardinals News: Milton Bradley tossed for arguing balls and strikes in his Wrigley Field debut. Fark: He was up with the bases loaded	(62)
	Atlanta Braves SS Yunel Escobar injures himself on a spectacular diving catch which led to an inning-ending double play. Just kidding, he hurt himself in the on-deck circle	(14)
	What is worse than losing the home opener in your brand spankin new stadium? Losing to the Cleveland Indians, and having the highest payroll in baseball	(73)
	Albert Pujols will do what A-Rod refused to do and participate in the Home Run Derby at his home ballpark during MLB All-Star Week	(23)
	What better way to celebrate opening day at the new Yankee Stadium than with aggressive litigation?	(24)
(Some Guy)	Sports' "Name of the Year" contest reaches the Final Four: Barkevious Mingo, Nutritious Love, Velvet Milkman, and Iris Macadangdang. Uranus Golden defeated in upset	(22)
	Seriously. What is the Grim Reaper's problem with Major League Baseball?	(10)
(WMUR)	Reports: Celtics' GM has heart attack - or it could just be Aingeina	(21)
	Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson wins Sullivan Award as top US amateur athlete. Bet that makes her taco pop	(42)
	Day 2 of the NHL playoffs. Montreal vs Boston, Columbus vs Detroit, Calgary vs Chicago, and Anaheim vs San Jose. Subby already has his Wings jersey on. Who's ready?	(516)
	26 players who attended the NFL combine tested positive for drugs. Teams say they don't care unless there are suspensions coming. Dumbass tag drops back to pass, gets sacked by Stupid	(36)
	Isiah Thomas will work first year as FIU coach for free. After that, it's going to cost them... and cost them... and cost them	(14)
	Kevin Garnett's chances of playing in the playoffs are now about as good as the Clippers chances	(77)
(NFL.com)	Top prospect Aaron Curry invites 12-year-old leukemia patient to join him at NFL draft festivities. Excuse me, there's something in my eye	(43)
	Detroit Lions say they still haven't set their draft board or decided on #1 draft pick. In other words, they're still trying to figure out how to justify drafting Michael Crabtree #1 overall	(51)
	Villanova freshmen break into Eagles' stadium, make mistake of expecting something of value to steal, get caught trying to make off with a seat	(14)
	Madden retires, citing the need to spend more time with Brett Favre	(125)
	10 underclassmen who made good decisions about the NBA draft, and 10 who didn't. "I have no idea why [Devendorf] came out.... He's not someone we even discuss."	(45)
	Jewish Jets fans think NFL schedulers are jerks for jilting them by scheduling the first two home games on the two holiest holidays in the Jewish calendar, the only time of the season the Jets are still mathematically alive	(71)
	The Coach's kiss of death: Just two weeks after receiving public support from ownership, Edmonton Oilers' head coach Craig MacTavish relieved of duties, no longer with the organization in any capacity	(39)
	Arizona Cardinals start listening for offers about Anquan Boldin. Now only if the Chicago Bears had something to offer them to trade. Oh wait... nevermind	(41)
	Texas Rangers second baseman Ian Kinsler goes 6 for 6 and hits for the cycle in a 19-6 win over the Orioles	(40)
	For the first time in his 15 year NBA career, Grant Hill plays in all 82 games of an NBA season. Duke still sucks, but Grant Hill is a certified, natural born, card-carrying baller	(19)
	Where Are They Now? Monica Seles, 16 years after the stabbing incident that ended her amazing career will be inducted into the Tennis Hall of Fame. (w/ she's still smokin' hot vid)	(44)
	To commemorate Jackie Robinson breaking the Major League baseball color barrier, every player, coach, and umpire wore #42 Wednesday. Tag is for Jackie	(49)
	It took a decade, but Ken Griffey Jr. finally collects his 400th homer as a Mariner	(32)
	Thanks to Dwight Howard, the Orlando Magic has a no-flatulence rule. "Dwight really likes to cut the cheese."	(11)

Wed April 15, 2009

	The Grim Reaper must REALLY be pissed at Major League Baseball announcers	(36)
	Thabeet does not go on	(35)
(bonzai)	Dear Japan, Congratulations on another WBC Championship. Ummmm... can we have our $50 million back? Sincerely, the Boston Red Sox	(62)
	Rangers vs. Capitals, Hurricanes vs. Devils, Blues vs. Canucks, Flyers vs. Penguins. Round 1 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Wharrgarbl and thoughtful debate available, click to the right	(844)
	After getting destroyed by Los Angeles last night, Utah Jazz coach Jerry Sloan is ready to concede the upcoming playoff matchup to the Lakers	(17)
	NBC's Blackhawks-Red Wings NHL game pulls record-low 0.6 rating. "The game was beaten by taped poker highlights, taped monster truck coverage, and everything else on a busy sports weekend"	(78)
	Ray Allen serves one game suspention for elbowing Anderson in the Varejaos	(18)
(Some Guy)	Lebron James may win the MVP, but Kobe Bryant and the Lakers will win rings	(47)
	First the Baltimore Ravens whined that they didn't want to play the Steelers in primetime. Now they're whining that ten teams have more primetime games than them	(77)
	Do they have the Arsenal to sink the Yellow Submarine? Will the Damned United anger the Hulk? Find out the answers to these and more questions here, in today's Champions League quarter final second-leg discussion forum	(141)
	How does Kevin Smith keep from swearing on his new NHL Blog? "Listen to this fat [Gretzky] braggin' about all the money he's got big man, with the pregnant-lady gut and the [Gretzin'] arm flab"	(32)
	Chris Carpenter injured. This is not a repeat from 2008, 2007, 2004, 2003, 2002, or 1997	(77)
	New York Islanders win another chance to somehow totally fark up their franchise	(55)
	The lowest payroll in the Bigs has the best record in the Bigs	(41)

Tue April 14, 2009

	The Indians, Astros, and Nationals are not going to make the 2009 MLB Playoffs. Here comes the science	(51)
	The NFL decides watching the the downfall of Wade Phillips is worth 6 national games for the 2009 season. The Bears lead the way next with 5 national games	(77)
	Local news: high school pitcher thows no hitter. ESPN: high school pitcher thows back to back no hitters. Since this is FARK, guess what he did the next time he pitched?	(56)
	Seattle Sounders player won't be charged for sexual assault. Prosecutors refused to believe any soccer player would actually try to score	(25)
	In wise first act of diplomacy toward the fanbase of the Chicago Bears, new QB Jay Cutler has clearly resolved to put Captain Neckbeard's drinking escapades to shame	(42)
(Some Guy)	San Diego's closer Heath Bell on ESPN's bias: "I truly believe (they) only care about promoting the Red Sox and Yankees and Mets - and nobody else." Obvious tag pitches a scoreless ninth for the save, but nobody sees it	(101)
(ringtv)	Oscar de la Hoya will retire from boxing to focus on hookers and cross dressing full time	(14)
	White Sox sign Scot Podsednik. No, this is not a repeat of 2004	(32)
	MLB steps in where its umpires miserably failed and suspends Boston Red Sox pitcher Josh Beckett for six games due to his "intentionally throwing at Bobby Abreu's head and aggressive actions that incited bench-clearing incident"	(98)
	The Question: Which NBA star has been banned from two Detroit area casinos? The Answer	(46)
	Ever-classy Sergio Garcia blames himself for poor Masters performance, says he should have hit more fairways and putted better. Just kidding, he blamed the course	(34)
	Chiefs add linebacker Zach Thomas, so now teammate Mike Vrabel has someone to go with him to the 4 p.m. seating at Old Country Buffet	(24)
	Duke basketball player Greg Paulus works out for Packers, gets dunked on	(43)
	In todays Champions League matches Liverpool need a three goal miracle to overcome Chelsea. In the other match Bayern Munich need a miracle times infinity to overcome a four goal difference against Barcelona	(227)
	Cleveland Cavaliers lock up best regular-season record in the NBA, increasing the level of disappointment when the inveitable playoff exit occurs	(82)
	Having learned nothing from the destruction of the CBA and the New York Knicks, Florida International University prepares to hire Isiah Thomas	(29)
(KGTV)	Ex-NFL running back Lawrence Phillips pleads not guilty to choking girlfriend. This is not a repeat of 96, 97, 98, 99, 2000, 2002 -- ah hell you get the point	(29)
	The gentle, sweet mystery of a new baseball season: fathers playing catch with sons as old becomes new, as new becomes old, the sun warming the diamond, the crack of wood hitting cowhide, and getting knifed at Dodger Stadium	(26)
(Some Guy)	Tickets to the nosebleed seats at Citi Field for the Mets' home opener: $200. Unless you're a cat... and then you get to go on the field for free (video)	(42)
	The Yankees' new ERA leader is... First baseman/outfielder Nick Swisher?	(90)
(Some Guy)	Canadian parents start non-contact hockey league so their little snowflakes won't suffer any bumps or bruises, only to see the whole league branded "outlaw" and shunned by all other hockey organizations	(59)
	How were the Mets going to choke away the first night in their new park? If you guessed "three-base error followed by a balk," step forward and claim your prize	(28)
	Orlando Hudson becomes first Dodger to get the cycle at Dodger Stadium. Expected to be very irritable for four or five days, then approachable again	(28)

Mon April 13, 2009

	Brazilian soccer coach punches referee, charges opposition player (with video)	(18)
	Former Cal and Arizona State football coach Bruce Snyder dead at 69 of cancer. Was one win away from 1996 national championship before losing in Rose Bowl to tOSU	(21)
	What happens when you give up 8 runs and 7 walks? If you're Gavin Floyd, you get a win	(23)
	White Soxers Jermaine Dye and Paul Konerko hit their 300th career HR's back to back. Not to be upstaged, teammate Carlos Quentin hits two. What a jerk	(20)
	Have you heard about The Bird?	(55)
	Magners League rugby called "a second rate competition that pales into insignificance when compared to the Guinness Premiership" in much the same way that NFL is little more than a Canadian Football League feeder system	(8)
	Rays sellout crowd to celebrate pennant, never come back to ballpark	(22)
	ESPN's first local sports website........ CHICAGO	(39)
	Detroit Lions are essentially forced to shell out $30M and take QB Matt Stafford with the #1 overall pick	(37)
	While the NY baseball teams sell overpriced tickets in their new stadiums/shrines to capitalism, the Arizona D'backs CEO is giving away season tickets to people who have hit hard times	(11)
	Avalanche fire GM, because he's the one who crippled the team with injuries	(18)
(Some Guy)	Rival high school football teams to replay game from 1993...with the same rosters. Al Bundy unavailable for comment	(36)
	Bucs may deal Brian Griese, and Denver needs a QB. Oh, wait	(30)
	The Dallas Cowboys need a big-play wide receiver. They've dealt with TO, Pacman Jones, and Tank Johnson, so why not Plaxico Burress?	(53)
	Taxation without representation in another form: Pity the multi-millionaire pro athlete, who has to pay the "jock tax" because of away games	(80)
	Former Duke Hoops waterboy now making $25M per year as trader on Wall Street. Coach K.: "He's used those skills well in what he's doing right now." Duke Sucks	(11)
(NBC Chicago)	Either Cubs fans are presenting an offering to the gods, or they're the best fans ever	(221)
	President Obama's new pastor lets loose on Yankees in Easter sermon. This is bad news .... for the Orioles	(18)
(NFL.com)	The best NFL players selected in spots 1-32...... The ultimate draft	(76)
(Some Guy)	How bad was the Ottawa Senators' season? Here's a breakdown by the numbers, and next to them, the Toronto Maple Leafs look like the 1976-77 Montreal Canadiens	(24)
	Harry Kalas is "Outta here"	(160)
	Why the Toronto Blue Jays suck: because they need a new stadium and no one's offering to pay to build them one	(22)
	Ten movies which prove that baseball is life	(120)
	High school baseball star suspended for the upcoming prep season because he took two at-bats for a minor-league affiliate of the Kansas City Royals. As if playing on any team associated with the Royals would give him an unfair advantage	(32)
	Wade can drive 55 all over the Knickerbockers	(19)
	A helluva pitcher's duel, a double play that may be play of the year, a game winning jack, a triple play. And you only had to buy one ticket (with video of triple play)	(17)
	Dodgers score run when the Diamondbacks forget to tally "fourth out"	(34)
	Cabrera wins Green Jacket. Gilmore still doesn't give a shiat	(28)
	The defending champion Celtics show those upstart Cleveland Cavaliers that they won't take the NBA title away from them so easily. Nah, just kidding, the Cavs gave the Celtics a 31-point assbeating	(66)
	Reed Johnson robs Prince Fielder of his first grand slam (video)	(44)
(Celebridiot)	Boob grab caught on camera at the 2009 Masters as Tiger and Phil walk to the 15th green....a memory to last a lifetime	(47)