FARK.com: Sports links -- Archives for 2009-03-22

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Sun March 22, 2009

(OSG Sports)	What's a few effing words among co-workers...? Especially when the mics are hot... About a dozen effs in 75 seconds...((audio quite Not safe for work))	(9)
(Some Guy)	NFL Wonderlic scores are out. Matt Stafford is smart. Meanwhile, Hakeem Nicks probably can't read this headline	(88)
	Look out Kobe and Lebron, Marcus Jordan scores 19 and leads his high school to the Illinois Class 4A State Championship	(24)
	Former madam said to have found A-Rod so charming she dated him herself for free. It's not the Daily News, it's A-Rod News	(45)
	Will any of the top seeds fall today? Your March Madness discussion thread	(203)
(Some Guy)	Double amputee will make his MMA debut in April. It's like a no-legged man in an ass-kicking contest	(42)
	Today's "thaaaaanks, we could have used this brilliant idea SIX WEEKS AGO" story brought to you by Amare Stoudemire, his career and eyesight in jeopardy after a retina injury, promising to never play basketball without goggles	(18)
	World champion claims he only took up boxing because his father ate his pet dog	(8)
	Chapchai Nirat finishes 32 under par to win SAIL Open, only 184 strokes behind Kim Jong Il's record	(8)

Sat March 21, 2009

	9 reasons to worry about the Chicago Cubs. "100 years of futility" surprisingly absent	(35)
	Basketball team -- who has played in the same jerseys all season -- is assessed a technical foul before a championship game for having "too wide of stripes." They lose by one point	(58)
	To get tickets at the Mets new stadium you need a sliderule and a math degree. To get seats at the new Yankee stadium you just need to be filthy rich	(40)
	Based on Obama's bracket performance, it seems pretty obvious he has been concentrating on other things	(94)
	France surrendered last week, so Ireland or Wales will win the Six Nations rugby tournament today. Either way, sheep in the valleys are in for a rough night	(13)
	In the EPL this weekend, it's Fulham v Manchester United, Spurs v Chelsea, Newcastle v Arsenal, and Liverpool v Aston Villa	(72)
(Some Guy)	Only man to ever play for the Pirates, Penguins and Steelers has passed away. Subby suggest all hockey games should play "Three Blind Mice" next time the refs come out, to honor him	(15)
	Wake Forest wins 2009 Spectacular First-Round Fail Award after getting spanked by Cleveland State. Duke sucks	(56)

Fri March 20, 2009

(Katu)	'Urban Iditarod' keeps Portland weird. As if they need any help (w/pics)	(20)
	Top 10 reasons Martin Brodeur refused to read David Letterman's Top 10 list on Monday's show. Tag suggests the answer to Number One	(24)
	Alexander Ovechkin scores his 50th goal of the season, then teaches us how to properly worship fire	(60)
	Scared of the national humiliation, Baltimore Ravens ask NFL for no prime-time game in Pittsburgh	(44)
(Some Guy)	Cool: A steal, full court run and a two handed dunk. Dumbass: Not letting go of the rim, doing a backflip and landing on your head	(33)
	10 NFL teams have called Denver inquiring about its "angry QB"	(80)
	Special Olympics bowling champ challenges Obama to game	(351)
(MMOD in HD)	The official NCAA March Madness discussion. Day 2: Electric Boogaloo	(728)
	Beckham who?	(65)
	Apparently the refs, realizing Duke sucks, didn't think the Blue Devils could handle Binghamton without a little help	(81)
	The Champions League QF draw sees Villarreal v Arsenal, Man United v Porto, Barcelona v Bayern Munich and the annual clash of Liverpool v Chelsea	(71)
	Obama responds to Coach K	(68)
	To the surprise of nobody, Cleveland Browns WR Donte Stallworth apparently had a BAC over the legal limit when he struck and killed a pedestrian	(52)
	Florida Panthers end long losing streak with win over Maple Leafs, say the victory feels great and the half-point will really help them in the standings	(25)

Thu March 19, 2009

	Jim Calhoun misses UConn's first-round game and could miss more time. He's completely exhausted from rolling around on stacks of $100 bills	(14)
(Some Guy)	Las Vegas hockey team to feature strippers and $20 all you can drink full bar	(32)
	USC football announcer goes on webcast to talk about the size of his genitals, sexual positions and his impotence issues. All in front of his 14-year-old son	(12)
	Annika Sorenstam's husband scores a hole in one	(16)
	Hockey needs more of THIS (Not safe for work-ish)	(76)
	Michael Owen seems to be suffering from a bout of selectivous memoritous this time. Claims, "I'm not injury prone."	(28)
	Indiana high school basketball coach gets picked up on a DUI, then the cops drive him to the big game, 45 miles away. Bonus: coach said he takes prescription methadone	(60)
(Some Guy)	WHOOO HOOOO March Madness Discussion Thread	(lots)
	Vancouver debates whether to sanction MMA events for local kids. "It would give an outlet to a lot of very bored youth who are looking for choices other than hockey or fighting in the street"	(23)
	Los Angeles Lakers head coach Phil Jackson says team is being undermined by "disgruntledness", vows to find ways to make team become gruntled again	(15)
	You know you really messed up when the league proposes a rule because of something you did	(39)
(Rochester D&C)	After second violation of NFL's personal conduct code within one year, Buffalo Bills RB Marshawn Lynch expects suspension, trade to Bengals	(16)
	Not News: Manny swinging a bat again. Fark: A cricket bat	(21)
(MeeHive)	Astros' Aaron Boone to have open heart surgery. Procedure said to be similar to when he tore the hearts out of Boston in 2003	(51)
	It's time for the annual "March Madness costs businesses billions of dollars in lost productivity" story	(163)
	Swimming's international governing body rules that female swimmers must wear see through costumes to be allowed to compete	(25)
	Latest rumor has disgruntled Denver QB Jay Cutler going to Washington, useless QB Jason Campbell going to Kansas City, and flash-in-the-pan QB Matt Cassel going to Denver	(54)
	Chicago Cubs to retire the number of their two greatest pitchers whose arms never fell off	(46)
	Another story about a high school basketball player skipping his junior year to go pro. Wait, junior?	(25)

Wed March 18, 2009

	Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski: Hey Obama - maybe you should be working instead of picking us to suck	(302)
	Nets suspend Sean Williams for two games, figuring that and being stuck in New Jersey is all the punishment he needs	(5)
	Trademark lawyers descend upon the masses who dare use the copyright term 'March Madness'. Except those who use the phrase in news content. March Madness	(34)
	In order to spare Donovan McNabb another season of confusion, the NFL decides against changing overtime rules	(35)
	Vancouver awarded MLS franchise for 2011. Will relocate to Memphis after 6 season	(65)
	Chiefs sign wide receiver Bobby Engram, who's 36 but can catch the ball instead of treating it like a football-shaped turd that's on fire	(36)
	Four-year old shows his basketball skills and inevitably on cue, the pushy dad	(74)
	Apparently, there aren't enough Hooters and strip clubs in Toronto for Chipper Jones	(63)
	Josh McDaniels brings New England philosophy to Denver after feud with Cutler intensifies. This works out great if you're a HOF coach with a strong resume. If you're an unproven rookie, not so much	(89)
	It didn't long for the media to whine that Martin Brodeur should have an asterisk next to his record because his win total includes shootout victories	(57)
	New York third baseman delivers clutch, game-winning hit in bottom of ninth to send Team USA to the WBC semis, refuses to kiss himself in mirror afterwards	(64)
	"Mr. Armstrong, we would like a hair sample for drug testing." "Hair? Don't you mean urine? (wink, wink)"	(44)
(TV by the Numbers)	President Obama picks an NCAA bracket, has Secret Muslim U. over Socialist Tech in the finals	(58)
	Martin Brodeur surpasses Patrick Roy on all-time wins list...ruining his St. Patrick's day	(85)

Tue March 17, 2009

	Twitter is a fun way to keep in touch with friends, but you have to be careful if you are a professional athlete. Especially if you tweet during halftime of an NBA game. Coaches tend to frown upon that type of thing	(31)
	In what other sport would you see something as pathetic as this?	(132)
	Two more dogs die in Iditarod. Race officials performing tests to determine cause of death. May have something to do with dragging a sled 1,100 miles through the snow	(31)
	Pilot fired after letting professional soccer player Robbie Savage into cockpit, which was deemed "a terrorism threat." Blackburn Rovers' fans can only agree	(3)
	Goalkeeper Fail	(26)
(mlive)	Lions players no longer allowed to talk to media. Would use public relations website, but can't string three Ws together for the URL	(50)
	Formula 1 gets biggest shake-up in its rules in years, may even lift longstanding prohibition on cars passing each other this year	(37)
	Obama names Steelers owner Dan Rooney ambassador to Ireland. Corned beef and cabbage, Guinness to be replaced by fry-and-slaw sandwiches, stale Iron City Beer	(49)
	Alex Rodriguez appears to be having a love affair with himself as evidenced by his latest photo shoot. (pics)	(45)
	Soccer star sees your 28-inch chrome rims, raises you a chromed Mercedes McLaren	(34)
	Houston hopes to reclaim "fattest city in America" title, agrees to terms with Pudge	(19)
	Houston Rockets forward Carl Landry shot in leg after traffic accident, traded to New York Giants	(18)
	The Big Unit is temporarily out of action because of sore bicep. What Farker can't empathize with that?	(14)
	Even though they've won two national championships, Louisville has never been the #1 ranked team... until now. Duke sucks	(17)
	Swimmer breaks world record for women's 50 meter butterfly... then gets disqualified and stripped of record because she was wearing two swimsuits	(35)
	Oakland A's owner Lew Wolff denies talking to Las Vegas about moving team, denies rumors of A's and Marlins being eliminated by contraction, offers 4:1 odds against the latter	(14)
	Lenny Dykstra says he's not racist because he's had three "spearchuckers" on his magazine covers	(49)
	Yet another article out of Denver punctuated by overly sad faces	(44)
	Fresh off humiliating USA, Puerto Rico gets humiliated in turn by Venezuela in WBC, now has to face Americans one more time in elimination game	(39)

Mon March 16, 2009

	If you're a sports commentator, it's never a good idea to compare a football tackle to a sexual assault. "He absolutely rapes him"	(92)
	Reggie Bush, Kim Kardashian make it rain inside club's closely-guard VIP area, allowing them to quickly retrieve their money	(15)
	Please call the Yankees if you notice your Bronx neighbor suddenly has some really nice baseball turf in his yard	(17)
	Suck it ESPN. Sincerely, ESPN	(94)
	Offense will be a priority at Michigan in this upcoming season. Also, not losing at home to a MAC team that later fires their coach would sure be swell too	(40)
	"All Orioles who are still in contention for one of the three remaining starting pitching spots, take one step forward. Not so fast, Radhames Liz"	(33)
	Jaguars release wide receiver Matt "Sniffy McSniffsalot" Jones	(34)
	From Olympic gold medalist to "Brother, can you spare a dime?" No, it's not Michael Phelps	(41)
	Soccer is ruining America, and there is very little we can do about it	(142)
	The NBA is desperate for cash, so they're putting Dwight Howard's phone booth up for sale	(4)
	NFLPA passes on two former union directors and a high-profile sports attorney, unanimously choose outsider to replace Gene Upshaw as executive director	(4)
	With a QB trio of Kellen Clemens, Brett Ratliff, and Erik Ainge, New York Jets are checking out Kansas State's Josh Freeman and USC's Mark Sanchez before the draft	(39)
	Sacramento Kings and Indiana Pacers could become the next franchises to relocate	(54)
	Broncos likely to lose Cutler (with pics of disappointed owner, disappointed QB, and disappointed coach)	(160)
	Helio Castroneves may soon be dancing with the bars	(11)
	Hockey Community: Sean Avery is a cancer, doesn't belong in the NHL. Sean Avery: STFU and GBTW	(47)
(Some Guy)	Finally a reason to watch the Play-In Game: To watch a guy named Grlenntys Chief Kickingstallionsims, Jr. play	(23)