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Sun March 15, 2009
(Some Guy) Obvious Seattle Mariners sell out opening day tickets in 55 minutes, which is about how long into the season it will take for them to be eliminated from the playoffs (8)
(Major League Baseball) Fail Hammy being Hammy (11)
(News.com.au) Sad Someone finally figures out a way to make soccer exciting (12)
(Some Guy) Amusing Is the New Mexico State mascot gonna have to choke a biatch? (3)
(Sporting News) Interesting Mississippi State pops someone's bubble by stealing the SEC bid and beating Tennnessee (17)
(CNN) Cool Packers will retire twice-retired Brett Favre's iconic "4", but probably not in 2009, because hey, he might change his mind and come back again (23)
(Memphis Commercial Appeal) Video Cool 12 hour timelapse of FedEx Forum hosting both the Memphis Tigers and Memphis Grizzlies (19)
(ESPN) Cool Is your favorite team still on the bubble? Your conference tournament finale/Selection Sunday discussion thread (299)
(BBC) Cool Celtic and Rangers meet today for the Scottish League Cup final. Let the battle commence (28)
(Some Guy) Scary Competing in the Iditarod can seriously fark with your mind: "I saw animals - a rock pile became a bison, a stump became a moose." (15)
(Kansas City) Cool "I got shot. We lost a lot of games. And so on. Look at me now." (8)
(WBC.com) Sad Two tickets to a baseball game: $60. Two hot dogs and sodas: $20. Getting beat at your national pastime by an island of four million people on a mercy rule: pathetic (97)
(ESPN) Spiffy Martin (Mar-tan) Brodeur ties Patrick Roy (Wah) for all time wins and will soon own nearly every goalie record of note (51)

Sat March 14, 2009
(Yahoo) Interesting Florida State upends #1 North Carolina in ACC tournament. Duke Sucks (34)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not to be outdone by the Rams, the Seahawks trade away their only proven pass rusher (28)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Donte Stallworth detained over pedestrian death Saturday, paid $4.875 million by the Browns on Friday. So, all in all, an okay weekend (56)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Unlikely KFC believes that statue of Colonel Sanders may reverse the "Cubs Curse." Cook it, done (14)
(Some Guy) Amusing NFL top 10 unluckiest plays ... unless you're the other team, I guess (44)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Watchout AL East, the Red Sox might have just gotten a lot better (52)
(Press-Enterprise) Amusing Manny's comment on his Dodgers contract: "They are paying me $25 million to get base hits. I think that's not a good investment, but we'll see" (27)
(AJC) Stupid Seeking to find the best metaphor for his program, Tennessee Vols football player injures himself while running into a brick wall (14)
(Bitten and Bound) Sad Former WWE wrestler 'Test' Martin dead at 33. 1975-2009 RIP (pics, video) (175)
(Sports by Brooks) Cool Man invents shatterproof bat. Pete Townshend said to be taking up baseball to prove him wrong (10)
(MDN) Followup Japan's recovered Colonel Sanders gets new pair of horn-rimmed glasses (pic) (10)
(International Herald Tribune) Cool French-fries with cheese and gravy captures World Cup giant slalom title (10)
(Cleveland) Amusing Vasectomy Madness (18)
(BBC) Cool In the EPL today, it's Manchester United v Liverpool - nothing else matters (102)
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing ESPN interviews hottie reporter named Jennifer Santiago for on-air job. Wonder if they know she posed for Playboy's "Voluptuous Vixens" pictorial in 1998 as "Jennifer Klarman" (slightly not safe for work pics in link) (14)
(Detroit News) Sad A new king is needed at the Palace (21)
(ESPN) Cool Syracuse wins in overtime. This is not a repeat from last night (22)
(YouTube) Video Another Patriots taping incident. This one could get ugly (20)
(ESPN) Dumbass Former Yankee Bernie Williams gets his first hit in three years (12)

Fri March 13, 2009
(ESPN) Asinine Continuing their rebuilding trend, the St. Louis Rams considering trade of Torry Holt for a first and third-round draft pick. Nah, just kidding Rams fan... they released him and got nothing. Catch 2-14 fever again in 2009 (37)
(Orlando Sentinel) Dumbass A look at Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin's reign of foolishness, rule-breaking, accusations, and insults. And he hasn't even coached a football game yet (23)
(CNN) Dumbass In a move sure to inspire his team's chase of Man. U., Liverpool boss is whining again about money. Yawn (17)
(Telegraph) Weird Swedish pro golfer strips down to underwear to save one stroke (with pic) (26)
(Buffalo News) Dumbass After holding out last year and playing like crap for most of the regular season, Buffalo Bills LT Jason Peters wants to be the highest paid tackle in the league. Good luck with that (8)
(Some Guy) Interesting Paralympic world champion stripped of medals, primo parking spaces, after it turns out she's not really disabled (15)
(FanNation) Interesting NBA to consider rewriting traveling rule to allow for second step. Third, fourth, fifth, and sixth step still ok (32)
(Sports by Brooks) Fail Less than a month after marrying supermodel Adriana Lima, NBA player Marko Jaric is accused of sexual assault in Philadelphia (26)
(BuffaloBills.com) Obvious TO will wear #81 for the Buffalo Bills, disappointing the three fans and Hitler who already bought James Hardy jerseys (14)
(ESPN) Interesting Mark McGwire working with MLB hitters. Lesson 1: Making contacts. Lesson 2: Find trustworthy injector. Lesson 3: Proper Needle disposal (18)
(Baltimore Sun) Amusing Michael, you know, Phelps talks to 'Today' show co-host, you know, Matt Lauer about the bong, you know, controversy (14)
(BuffaloBills.com) Followup You know that report yesterday that former NFL RB Travis Henry is broke from paying child support to 9 different women for 9 different kids? Apparently, he's up to 11 kids with 10 different women (52)
(CNN) Dumbass Jerry Jones says Cowboys are in no hurry to draft WR because they have the guy from Detroit, that other guy whathisname, and, um, the guy over by the Gatorade cooler (44)
(Bad Jocks) Dumbass "Worst Streaker Ever" humiliated by female security guard, shrinkage. (w/possibly Not safe for work pic) (6)
(Some Guy) Amusing Satan joins Penguins. Devils not amused (27)
(ESPN) Cool Patrick Roy 551, Martin Brodeur 550...tick tock, Roy, tick tock (112)
(Sports by Brooks) Dumbass Charles Barkley again shows his keen intelligence by claming in interview that he drives drunk "100 times a year" (25)
(Boston Herald) Interesting Jonathon Papplebon says Jason Bay is the chemo treatment the Red Sox needed for the cancer that was Manny Ramirez (78)
(Yahoo) Unlikely What caused Mark Prior to go from lights-out pitcher to out of the league at the age of 28? Not pitching for the Cubs on limited rest and their atrocious rehab schedule. Nope, he was just symmetrical (35)
(Yahoo) Interesting Not News: Basketball game ends with a 127-117 final score. News: It was a college game. Epic: That went through six overtimes (64)
(ESPN) Interesting Dodgers consider Pedro, changing name to Los Angeles Red Sox (15)
(People Magazine) Followup Michael Phelps admits making a bad mistake. Hopefully the rest of SNL's guest hosts from the past ten years will see the light and follow suit (20)

Thu March 12, 2009
(OK) Spiffy Federer to be a fatherer (23)
(ESPN) Amusing Good: Baylor takes 17-point lead on #11 Kansas. Bad: They blow it. Good: They rally back, win by seven. Sucks: Duke (42)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Alabama OT Andre Smith, once regarded as a possible #1 overall pick in the NFL draft, is falling faster than Wile E. Coyote holding an anvil (57)
(FanNation) Dumbass Former Denver RB Travis Henry may be too broke to pay child support...for nine children each by a different mother (38)
(BBC) Dumbass Old and busted: European soccer fans punching each other. New hotness: European soccer manager punching fans (28)
(Rochester D&C) Silly New Buffalo Bills WR Terrell Owens to star in reality show on VH1... because we just don't hear about his off-the-field life often enough (27)
(Orlando Sentinel) Amusing Reporter: "Are you able to guard Dwight Howard?" Shaq: "I have four rings. How many does he have?" Reporter: "Will Perdue has four rings. Does that mean he's as good as you?" Shaq: "(Bleep) you" (41)
(St. Petersburg Times) Interesting First hole of her life. First swing on a course. Hole-in-one. "I didn't know it was that big of a deal,'' she said. "I thought all golfers do this'' (192)
(Yahoo) Obvious Bone analysis of 15,000 young Chinese athletes show about 20% have lied about their age, surprising nobody who watched 2008 Olympic women's gymnastics (27)
(YouTube) Amusing Hitler weighs in on the Buffalo Bills signing Terrell Owens (53)
(YouTube) Video Faking injuries in soccer plummets to new depths as player has a nasty run in with the linesman's flag (121)
(Chronicle of Higher Education) Obvious Home teams may or may not have advantage. Here comes the science (14)
(USA Today) Fail In an obvious move to appease fans nation wide the NCAA agrees to extend BCS contract through 2013 (52)
(Yahoo) Stupid Eric Mangini and the new Browns front office take another step in alienating the hometown fans by releasing Cleveland native Joe Jurevicius (41)
(UPI) Interesting New York Yankees announce the new Yankee Stadium will become the first antimicrobial facility in Major League Baseball, confident this will keep the jeter-cooties off the a-rods (10)
(MSNBC) Strange Oakland A's to become San Jose's (38)
(Fox Sports) Dumbass Ken Shamrock busted with steroids. Vince McMahon seen hiding the syringe before the referee turns around (29)

Wed March 11, 2009
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing Buffalo radio station to Terrell Owens: "What did you think when your agent said Buffalo?" Owens: *silence* (with audio) (23)
(CBS Sacramento) Amusing Good: Food bank gets thousands of boxes of cereal from Kellogg. Fark: Because they don't want to sell the Michael-Phelps Wheaties (110)
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing NFL QB blows 2-shot lead with 3 holes to play in match play tournament. To a 14-year-old (25)
(ESPN) Obvious Cristiano Ronaldo would love to play in Italy. Why? They have the sexiest womens (36)
(ESPN) Dumbass Miller Lite: Protecting You From Roger Clemens' DNA Since July or August 2001 (18)
(YouTube) Spiffy The coolest buzzer-beater shot you'll see this month (47)
(Some Guy) Hero Stand up if you're American, the best skier in the world and just won a world title today. Oh, and you're hot. Not so fast, Bode (23)
(Yahoo) Amusing Not news: LeBron James rallies Cleveland Cavailers from 19-point deficit to defeat Los Angeles Clippers. News: The Clippers actually had a 19-point lead on an opponent (32)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Denver Broncos QB Jay Cutler's "sand in the hoo-ha" condition deteriorating rapidly, waaaahmbulance is standing by (142)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious Chicago Cubs once again threatening to block view of Sheffield Ave. rooftop bleachers. As if an unobstructed view for the past 100 years wasn't punishment enough (30)
(The Onion) Amusing NCAA expands March Madness to 4,096 teams. "Look out for Eckert, they've got a full roster and they're having practices" (49)
(Yahoo) Spiffy LaDanian Tomlinson agrees to a new three-year contract to watch San Diego Charger playoff games from the sidelines (29)
(MDN) Weird Finally, after 24 long years, the Curse of Colonel Sanders may soon be at an end (68)
(Fox Sports) Cool Ladies and Gentlemen, meet your new world baseball powerhouse, the Netherlands (84)
(ESPN) Sad NHL considering new rules restricting up to 20% of fighting, in a final attempt to alienate their last three fans (95)
(Sports by Brooks) Stupid ESPN Radio demanding $100,000 from local affiliates to air programming. Let's see, 20,000 five-dollar-footlongs or Mike & Mike. Umm, can hold the mayo on those? (54)

Tue March 10, 2009
(Sports by Brooks) Obvious Scout calls fireballing collegiate pitcher best he's ever seen. In other words, we now know Scott Boras' next holdout client (54)
(ESPN) Amusing Come for Bret Hart's stories about a drunken Vince McMahon set loose in a strip club, leave before he starts whining about Shawn Michaels again (67)
(Yahoo) Cool Topps plans to produce 3-D baseball cards, gum that still tastes like century-old crap (22)
(Sports by Brooks) Cool Outdoor sports' answer to Allison Stokke: the Axe Sisters (49)
(Globe and Mail) Hero One of the greatest warriors in the NHL hangs up the skates. Gary Roberts on his career: "To have won a Stanley Cup in Toronto would have been the ultimate" (28)
(YouTube) Video You're accused of using an illegal hockey stick. Do you: C) Try and stomp the stick in half with your skates and hide it behind the bench before the refs get over (50)
(FanNation) Interesting New pro football league, the UFL, wants Michael Vick to play for them since they're seeking the valuable age 18-35 men who beat their dogs demographic (15)
(MSNBC) Obvious Michael Vick's house doesn't sell at auction, will be euthanized (13)
(Some Guy) Dumbass The 49ers restructure the contract of Alex Smith. Instead of being a $9 million bench warmer, he's now only a $3 million bench warmer (19)
(Sports by Brooks) Obvious While the WNBA welcomes its lesbian fans with open arms via marketing campaigns, major college programs refuse to acknowledge them (19)
(Memphis Commercial Appeal) Cool By winning their conference tournament this week, two Memphis seniors will become the winningest players in college basketball history (39)
(AJC) Asinine Tennessee football coach Lane Kiffin continues hissy fit over lost recruits, tells star receiver he "will end up pumping gas" after bailing on UT and signing with South Carolina (61)
(The Sun) Hero Six-year old boy with priorities in order climbs mountains for charity: 214 peaks so far. "The best part is going down - but it's also good being at the top" (24)
(Some Guy) Weird In today's episode of Bizarro World, Canada eliminated at home by Italy in the World Baseball Classic (41)
(TSN) Interesting Les Canadiens de Montréal ont sacked le head coach (50)
(WGR) Followup Buffalo fans react to the TO signing with predictable results: they generally like it. Wait, what? (86)

Mon March 09, 2009
(NHL) Spiffy John Tavares breaks all-time OHL goal record. In case you don't know who he is, He is the next Crosby or Ovechkin (57)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Jacksonville Jaguars WR Matt Jones arrested for possession of a controlled substance. This is not a repeat from 2008 (36)
(ESPN) Dumbass Protip: If you see a tire roll out to the infield during the race, don't run out to retrieve in green flag conditions. (w video) (30)
(TBO) Florida Tampa Bay Buccaneers linebacker Geno Hayes beaten, stabbed by 19-year-old girlfriend. Police bring her in, ask her if she can play safety (23)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Cool Son of NFL great Franco Harris running for mayor of Pittsburgh, but is expected to leave the race early by going out of bounds (38)
(Some Guy) Amusing How do you celebrate your team's huge win? By dry humping a news reporter on live TV, of course (18)
(Cleveland) Interesting Latest NFL draft trend is to stockpile picks in second round (22)
(YouTube) Video Ball boy awarded an assist (115)
(AL.com) Sappy Bama basketball player misses team flight to Knoxville so he can attend Grandmother's funeral in Little Rock. After the funeral he drives 8 hours making it just in time for pregame meal and then hits last-second three pointer to upset UT (41)
(AJC) Obvious Chipper Jones secures early spot on this season's disabled list after injuring *shakes magic 8 ball*... oblique in WBC (21)
(Chicago Tribune) Obvious The Cubs, who began the preseason 4-0, are now on a 6-game losing streak. There's the team we all know and love (24)
(Yahoo) Cool What do you do with a run-down, old Zamboni? Turn it into a rolling tiki bar, of course (with pics) (10)
(Deadspin) Weird Where did a trailer-living skank like Tonya Harding get the money to pay a guy to whack Nancy Kerrigan on the knee? From George Steinbrenner, of course (14)
(ESPN) Obvious Red Sox not only keep a known steroid user on the roster, they re-sign him to a long-term contract. Looks like they're just like the Yankees after all (55)
(NYPost) Asinine Cory Lidle's widow is suing Cirrus Design Corp. for $50 million for crashing her husband into a NYC apartment building (27)
(CBC) Spiffy Five more people want to join lawsuit to force Olympics to showcase women's ski jumping. Curlers reportedly worried about courts deciding what is and isn't worthy of being an Olympic sport (25)
(Guardian.com) Amusing There's a reason why soccer's greatest superstars are staying away from Premier League: English players' relentless on-field thuggery and karate culture. "Unchecked machismo is the British disease" (41)
(Major League Baseball) Cool Australia lays 17-7 beat down on Mexico in first round of WBC. That's not a bat, THIS is a bat (33)
(YouTube) Amusing For those suffering from NFL withdrawal, a series of amusing ads for ESPN fantasy football. Think any of them aren't faked? (38)
(ESPN) Obvious Sidney Crosby scores shootout goal to lead the Pittsburgh Penguins to victory over the Washington Capitals once again. Looks like the surgery to repair his broken vagina worked after all, right Ovechkin? (72)

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