Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Sports Archives for '2009-03-08 23:59:59'

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Sun March 08, 2009

	Kurt Busch leads 234 laps, 70 more than he did all of last year, to follow up little brother and win the Kobalt Tools 500	(2)
(The Sporting Muse)	When bad beards happen to good athletes	(16)
	North Carolina wins the ACC because Duke sucks	(10)
	Manny calls out Matt Kemp: "You're late. I was here at 6:30". Matt Kemp: "I was here three weeks ago"	(55)
	How bad is the economy in the sports world you ask? Fans attended the Orange Bowl for $10 which included parking. NBA tickets still sell for under ten bucks and some have recently cost as little as $0.99 a ticket	(54)
	A handful of German celebrities will hurtle down an Olympic bobsled track in modified Chinese woks this evening at the seventh annual Wok World Championship. And you thought Japanese TV shows were weird	(5)
	Not content with losing 8-0 to the Nashville Predators, the Detroit Red Wings go on to lose 8-2 to the Columbus Blue Jackets. Yes, you read both of those right	(45)

Sat March 07, 2009

		Buffalo Bills sign T.O., consider further improving team's image by bringing O.J. out of retirement	(86)
		No. 4 Pitt beats No. 1 UConn. This is not a repeat	(16)
		When I say "baseball powerhouse", you instantly think "Netherlands"	(38)
		And the first NCAA Tournament bid goes to... (drumroll please) ...the mighty Cornell Big Red	(23)
		Tiger Woods announces plans to miss the cut at Doral... wait, no cut? Sweetness	(11)
		A-Rod's hip surgery, which was first on the table, then off the table, now appears to be back on the table. Such a Tragic Hip	(27)
		Ten reasons why the World Baseball Classic matters, whatever that is	(67)
		Coventry v Chelsea, Fulham v Manchester United, and Everton v Middlesborough - it's FA Cup quarter-finals weekend, the calm before the storm	(26)
		The top 5 teams T.O. might end up playing for. Raiders suprisingly don't make the list	(113)
		Stalker sends hundreds of sexually obscene messages to NFL Network hottie and TV anchor. How was he caught? He signed his real name on emails and used his personal account	(19)
		NHL tough guy Steve Downie has more games suspended than games played. With video	(24)
		David Pearson says what we all think: "I don't like none of the rules, and the way they run it. It ain't right for somebody to tell you what springs to run, what shocks to run, and what tires, and what gear to run."	(28)

Fri March 06, 2009

	The rough day in Detroit sports continues with the original Olympic Dream Team's coach diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer	(15)
	Gordie Howe's wife, Colleen, passes away	(38)
	Titans QB Vince Young truly believes that he will win back the starting job in training camp. Good luck with that	(33)
	Bowden must forfeit wins in 2006 and 2007. Paterno's road rage subsides	(32)
	Newly acquired Calgary Flames Olli Jokinen and Jordan Leopold score a combined 3 goals in their debut, journalists still scoff at reports of Flames GM Darryl Sutter actually smiling	(14)
	Bob Kravitz says that the NCAA should allow student athletes to attend college on either a full-ride scholarship or offer them a salary of $25,000 a year. This will end well	(31)
(NC Times)	It's embarrassing when an NFL player's status is revealed not through an agent or himself, but his mom	(10)
	Matt Cassel jinxes himself: 'Gosh, nobody sprains their ankle anymore.'	(22)
	Rick Pitino, Christian Laettner team up in a Vitamin Water ad about "The Shot," all but assuring that no UK fan will ever buy the product	(31)
	Crazy old man (Tommy Lasorda) says you're going to hell if you don't root for Team USA	(22)
	Brian Bosworth busted for DUI on his license-less motorcycle on Hollywood Blvd. Hopefully this won't jeopardize his much-anticipated stage adaptation of Dog The Bounty Hunter	(25)
	Serena Williams proves she's a dual threat: tennis star and beer pong player extraordinaire	(32)
(Projo.com)	Having solved the state's other problems, including the nation's highest unemployment level, RI state Senator goes after youth sports to end the practice of "favoritism and vindictiveness"	(31)
	After serving one-game suspension for refusing to come out of a game, Carmelo Anthony scores 38 points and sprints to bench when substitute is ready	(20)
	Beckham's huge impact on US soccer is a whopping attendence increase of two fans per game	(139)
	A-Rod will try to put off hip surgery, presumably due to the miracle healing power of prayer	(48)
(Some Guy)	6-foot-8 h high school senior can do a rim-rattling, backboard shaking, two-handed slam dunk. And she's a girl. "It was overwhelming, obviously, the first time I did it."	(95)

Thu March 05, 2009

		Hall of Fame baseball writer notes that Mike Piazza's back acne cleared up in 2004, the same year MLB implemented steroid testing. One problem though: NY Times wouldn't let him report it	(37)
		Law makers introduce bill that would kill athletics at schools scoring in the bottom 50%. Lake Wobegon High the only school that is safe	(48)
		The New Orleans Saints finally figure out that it doesn't matter when your QB throws for 5,000 yards if your defense is atrocious	(20)
		Roy Williams released from the Cowboys. No, not that Roy Williams....The other one	(56)
		In what may be a world record for youth sports games ejection, ref boots hot-headed dad thirty seconds into his fifth-grade daughter's basketball game. "Nice example you're setting for the kids."	(46)
		Man City set to offer $140M for Messi. Unlikely tag that Messi accepts	(30)
		A-Rod to get hip surgery, plans to miss three months. Two if he can get his hands on some 'roids	(80)
		NY Giants say [wink] they have no interest [wink] in signing [gee that 2 year old Vince Lombardi trophy is getting dusty] their future WR, Terrell Owens	(81)
		Carmelo Anthony apologizes for defying coach George Karl when he refused to leave a game ... No, just kidding. He thinks Karl is a snitch for airing out his dirty laundry	(19)
		Stephon Marbury isn't bitter at the Knicks, which is awfully nice of him considering they paid him nearly $20 million to do nothing this season	(34)
		Mets' new home described as the "anti-Shea". Try not to get all choked up about it	(57)
		Martin Brodeur is having a better comeback than Tiger Woods	(88)
		T-Owned	(269)

Wed March 04, 2009

	Shaq has become the guy that rips everyone behind their backs and then tries to be all buddy-buddy with them when he needs to look well liked	(38)
	Ray Lewis takes a stab at free agency, ends up back in Baltimore. Poor guy	(41)
	By signing Lamont Jordan to a two year contract, the Denver Broncos have signed 11 players to a total net contract of 5 million dollars less than the Redskins spent on Albert Haynesworth	(41)
	After his Dallas Mavericks lose to the awful Oklahoma City Thunder, Mark Cuban accuses his players of lack of effort and says if they don't play harder, they won't be back. Yeah, that'll work, Mark	(32)
	San Francisco city government learns the hard way that you don't mess with an 86-year-old badminton player	(12)
	Newest Olympic sport? Queueing up for unemployment benefits	(7)
	You can actually hear the banjo when you read this headline: "Former NASCAR driver busted for making moonshine"	(46)
	Kurt Warner agrees to two-year deal to lead Arizona Cardinals back into mediocrity	(58)
	Edgerrin James asks the Arizona Cardinals to release him, just in case there's a market for a 30 year-old RB with bad knees and diminished talent. Detroit's on line one	(18)
	That Mountain Dew that tasted funny at the high school hoops game three weeks ago? You don't want to know	(48)
	MLB Network's Matt Vasgersian gets his mouth washed out with soap after dropping an on-camera F-bomb	(38)
(Lohud.com)	The magical healing powers of the Stanley Cup prevail even when accompanied by a ringless Islander	(19)
	NHL trade deadline is today. Discuss who's doing what	(557)
	Lone survivor tells what happened to his NFL boatmates after they capsized in the Gulf of Mexico. Apparently they took their life jackets off and swam to the end zone	(201)
	ESPN reports Dodgers have agreed to deal with Manny Ramirez. Ramirez's agent Scott Boras: "We have no deal in place"	(36)
	Darryl Strawberry says he would have used performance enhancing drugs, but there's only so many hours in a day	(13)
	Alex Rodriguez thinks he is too cool to see a regular specialist, he has to go to a hip specialist	(23)
	Brad Penny and JD Drew decide not to wait until the regular season to take a ride on the injury wagon	(29)

Tue March 03, 2009

	New York Giants GM says team might welcome back WR Plaxico Burress. No word if offense plans to go exclusively to the shotgun	(25)
	Who's more excited about the Haynesworth signing than Daniel Snyder? The kid Albert hit while speeding in his Ferrari, of course	(27)
	That minor league player who was traded last May for 10 maple baseball bats? He laughed, shook it off and went on with his life...Not really, he's dead of a drug overdose brought on by depression	(42)
	In bid to connect with young males whose financial knowledge is limited to price of case of beer, Wall Street Journal launches daily sports section	(14)
	Alex Rodriguez, when faced with problems, goes to the most logical person: Katie Couric	(8)
	Old and Busted: Cardinals offer contract to Warner. New Hotness: Warner offers contract to Cardinals. Bonus: Hes willing to take a million dollar paycut if they re-sign Anquan Boldin	(36)
	After suffering concussion in a game three months ago, George Mason hoops player turns the tables - on a fan (with video)	(22)
	Baseball gets its own version of 'A Million Little Pieces' with a fake minor league memoir	(18)
	Pittsburgh Penguins star Sidney Crosby to miss his fourth straight game because of a sore vagina	(74)
(BroncosFreaks .com)	If Denver QB Jay Cutler was all butthurt about being mentioned in a possible trade to Tampa Bay, wait until he hears the latest rumor that has him going to Cleveland	(54)
	Rangers pick up Stars sloppy seconds	(93)
	Even Barry Bonds' agent thinks his chance to play in the major leagues this year are about as thin as a needle	(21)
	Rutgers lost $184,000 on the PapaJohn Bowl. Wow, and my wife was mad at me for losing $100 on the Superbowl	(36)
	This just in: Kentucky hoops coach Billy Gillispie is a major a-hole	(60)
	Dwyane Wade goes all-in with 41 points. LeBron James comes up with 42, takes the game	(22)
	Even though it's just early March, observers note that penis jokes coming from Yankees' headlines are in top form and may have their most productive season ever	(16)
	Brett Favre is selling his truck. Expect him to "have the itch" to get it back right before training camp, then want you to unconditionally release it back to him	(13)
	"Mr. Taylor, we'd like to add a workout clause to your contract." "Hmmm... How about no?" "Thank you, and good luck with your next team"	(37)
	Now HERE'S something you don't see every day: Huge brawl breaks out during US vs. Canada paraplegic hockey game	(64)
	Sri Lanka cricket team attacked by terrorists in Pakistan. Sticky wicket, indeed	(36)

Mon March 02, 2009

	Seahawks sign former Bengal wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh, employ 20 extra workers to sew names on jerseys	(65)
	Whatever you think about soccer, you have to appreciate this Italian wonder goal at the weekend	(84)
	The Sun picks the top 10 ugliest footballers. Only 10? Hell, that's not even one team	(16)
	Digger Phelps Dances. And Dances. And Dances	(23)
	T-Ball Pioneer Strikes Out at 93. T-errible T-ragedy	(27)
	Boat with missing NFL players found, someone clinging to the side, rescue teams en route	(160)
	Kurt Warner's agent, last month: "Kurt will either resign with the Arizona Cardinals or retire." This month: "Oooh, look -- an offer from the 49ers"	(51)
	You are just about to face penalties in a cup final and you want to play with your iPod?	(23)
(Some Guy)	Not news: Boris Becker proposes again. News: on live television. Fark: gets rejected	(18)
	Hockey player suspended for eye gouging really Ott to have known better. Victim reportedly seeing Stars	(36)
	Instead of beginning Barry Bonds' trial today, prosecutors have chosen to appeal last month's ruling, delaying the case until it can be quietly dropped when nobody is looking	(29)
	Broncos WR Brandon Marshall arrested. This is not a repeat from 2004, 2007, 2007, 2007, or 2008	(28)
	The New England Patriots turned down the Denver Broncos offer to trade the 12th overall pick to New England for Matt Cassell, instead trading him to KC for the 34th pick overall	(80)
	"The Spurs have lost four games by 18 or more points this season, all coming against opponents from cities starting with the letter P". It's not news, it's ESPN	(21)
	New Jersey Devils goaltender Martin Brodeur notches 100th regular season shutout and 547th career victory, 4 and 5 more respectively to all-time records for each	(54)