Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Sports Archives for '2009-03-01 23:59:59'

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Sun March 01, 2009

	Leslie Vonn takes up residence on Picabo Street	(18)
	After 4 games, the Cubs remain the only undefeated team in spring ball. (All together now in...3...2...1...) Book it. Done	(61)
(Some Guy)	ACC finally admits to rule change allowing Duke six steps, one free switch of pivot foot	(39)
	Australian academic claims world's most boring sport was invented in Europe, not Britain. Also the first time the tag has been used with any story relating to cricket	(13)
	Can Matt Kenseth win three in a row? It's the official Shelby 427 discussion thread	(684)
	Boat with three NFL players on board missing off the Florida coast	(133)
	"McIver cocked his right fist and popped Irvin in the mouth. This was not wise. "I just lost it," said Irvin. He grabbed a pair of scissors, whipped back his right arm and slashed McIver across the neck."	(15)
(Some Struggling Sports League)	Broncos sign 36-year old safety to a five year contract. "One and done" takes on a whole new meaning in Colorado	(43)
	Red Wings lose 8-0 to the Nashville Predators. Yes you read that correctly	(74)
(Some Guy)	Princeton tops Yale men. Not that there's anything wrong with that	(19)

Sat February 28, 2009

(NFL.com)	Lions trade Jon Kitna, but he still has to work on Thanksgiving	(34)
	The economy is in shambles and millions of Americans are struggling to put food on the table. Meanwhile, President Obama has time to attend an NBA game. Now watch this free throw	(184)
	The second shoe drops....Cassell will join Vrabel in Kansas City. Patriots send limo to pick up Julius "The Third Shoe" Peppers	(196)
	While Manchester United attempt to win their third trophy of the season, in the EPL it's Arsenal v Fulham, Middlesborough v Liverpool and Chelsea v Wigan	(95)
	British men would rather have their SOs wear soccer jerseys than sexy underwear to bed. You're not helping fight that whole "soccer is gay" thing, lads	(46)
	The NHL is doomed. This is not a repeat from 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, or 2001, but it is a repeat from 1933	(183)
	Boston Celtics, looking for that missing piece to make a championship run, sign a clubhouse cancer to provide some contrast to the locker room full of character guys they already have	(45)
	There was a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions Mets fans suddenly cried out in terror like it was the end of the season already	(27)

Fri February 27, 2009

(Some Guy)	First the Redskins pay way too much for a player, now the Pats pay for an over the hill player. Yes, free agency has begun	(46)
	Arena League Football player, supposedly in training for a team that now doesn't exist, bites off finger of correctional officer after being arrested following fit of "roid rage" at airport	(5)
	So, apparently Maurice Clarett has been blogging in prison since October 2008. But, don't feel bad, " I am not suffering. I may be in a situation that isn't ideal, but I am free in my mind and at heart	(22)
	The NBA will not let Dwyane Wade wear bandages with the American flag printed on them	(19)
	The Cleveland Browns look to improve their offense by trading away their best offense player	(54)
	Pacman Jones to appear in reality TV show. Unfortunately, it won't be on "Intervention"	(5)
	Los Angeles approves new football stadium. All they need now is an NFL team to play there	(41)
	MLB unhappy with A-Roid now too. Well its about time someone is unhappy	(28)
	"Amazing, isn't it, how every NFL team operates under the same salary cap but Redskins owner Daniel Snyder still finds a way to spend like George Steinbrenner?" I smell butthurt coming from Lionsville	(57)
(tribune review)	In a shocking turn of events, being a Super Bowl MVP gets you VIP treatment when reporting to court on marijuana posession charges	(33)
	Two Chicago Bulls legends die the same day. "Rule of 3" sends every other Bulls legend to the doctor for a checkup	(30)
(Some Guy)	Right from the go, Milton Bradley injures himself in a spring training game. Won't need an operation but it does have some wondering if the aging battleship can handle the chutes and ladders of another long season. That's life	(28)
	ESPN's Skip Bayless called Troy Aikman gay. Pot, you remember Kettle, right?	(52)
	Michael Vick okayed for home confinement, can't wait to get home to his dogs -- too soon? D'oh	(20)
	NBA to borrow $175 million dollars. No word yet on which player is going to loan it to them	(14)
	Haynesworth's $115M contract with Redskins stomps on previous highest paid player's deal	(49)
	Economy schemonomy: Chicago to spend $10.5 million to develop an Olympic mascot. "Patrolman Beatdown Barney" and "Voting Fraud Vern" under consideration	(69)
	Bron Bron posts a goose egg in the assist column for the first time in his career. Bonus: Yao kicks Ben Wallace and breaks his leg	(24)
	Some of the best and worst free agent signings in NFL over last 16 years	(18)
	A-Rod told to keep his "cousin" away from the team, the stadium and the United States	(16)

Thu February 26, 2009

	♫ And that's how they became the Brady-Bundchen ♫	(53)
	Michael Phelps appearance at events in Calgary and Vancouver cancelled because no one there has any weed	(38)
	Some guy you've never heard of just ruined Tiger's big comeback	(27)
	Rickey answers all Rickey questions, setting the Rickey story straight. Rickey	(27)
	Being a Bulls fan just got worse, Stormin' Normin is gone	(24)
	Better late than never: Detroit Pistons' Rasheed Wallace will not be suspended for Friday's game vs. the Magic, after NBA says the technical fouls he was assessed on December 23 and February 7 were not technical fouls	(9)
	Mickey Mantle's family purchased the "Fark Yogi" signed baseball. After hearing the sale price Yogi responded by saying "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."	(19)
	With unfounded rumors of her appearing in a sex tape with the Mets David Wright circulating, Erin Andrews now taking legal action against rumor mongering websites	(40)
	Spain arrests several professional soccer players and Fifa agents on cocaine related charges. Jeez, you'd think if soccer players were all coked up the game wouldn't be so boring to watch	(39)
	As if losing to the Clippers isn't bad enough, Celtics guard Gabe Pruitt follows it up hours later with a DUI	(33)
	Rams release QB Trent Green to save $1.5M in salary cap space. They also release WR Drew Bennett, who signed a $30M free agent deal two years ago, and save almost nothing against the cap	(23)
	Two former New York Islanders owners arrested for stealing $553M from charities and pension plans to buy horses, mohair teddy bears, and a $3 million home	(20)
	A-Roid's first spring training game of 2009: He gets booed mercilessly, hits a homer, and leaves in an SUV with his steroid-injecting "cousin"	(52)
	In a nationwide poll, 37% of people polled think at least half of MLB players use steroids, other 63% are delusional	(24)
(The Colts)	Peyton Manning two seasons ago: "Of course I'd take a paycut to keep Harrison." Manning today: "Oh, you were serious?"	(61)
	Kerry Wood to sit out a few days with a sore back. No, this is not a repeat from 2008, 2007, 2006 etc	(53)

Wed February 25, 2009

	Son of Houston Rockets coach Rick Adelman still coaching high school team after 2 DUIs in 3 years. Meanwhile Adelman's other son is currently coaching in the NBA despite his own recent DUI	(18)
	The Toronto Maple Leafs, having been a laughing stock team for years, decided to lower ticket prices next year in a an effort to lure fans back...Just kidding they're raising ticket prices...again. Harold Ballard said to agree with the move	(35)
	Toronto Maple Leafs GM looking for a first round draft pick, a good prospect, and a superstar ready to play. In return for Tomas Kaberle, a defenceman with four goals, a -12 rating and a fractured right hand	(54)
	Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon: "I think I'm going to die young." Yankees righthanded hitters: "Yes, please"	(40)
	Connecticut governor tells Jim Calhoun that the jerk store called, and they were all out of him	(43)
	Israeli Ram loses in Dubai doubles, will now be sacrificed in place of Abraham's only son	(9)
	Chiefs cut Edwards, Huard, and Surtain. Or, as they are about to be known in Kansas City, "the lucky ones"	(36)
	Tampa Bay cuts Brooks & Dunn. Dixie Chicks sign free agent contracts	(39)
	Cops accuse pro poker player of double-murder after he showed "no emotion" at death of parents and "seemed more interested in getting a look at the will, hoping that it would give him as much as $1.5 million."	(43)
	City of Glendale, AZ, helping to bail out NHL team that fans won't support	(74)
	Spelling iz tuff, even on gigantic 'Mississppi' State baseball signs	(19)
	Detroit Lions backup QB Dan Orlovsky says he wants to test free agency market. BWA HA HA HA, hoo boy, good one, Danny. Wait, you were serious?	(24)
	45-year-old man who went from 429 pounds to 228 competes on college wrestling team, finishing 2-13. Next up, shot put	(12)
	Agent tells Arizona Cardinals that QB Kurt Warner deserves salary among top "four or five" QBs. In related news, although players are tested for illegal drugs, agents are apparently allowed to get high as a kite	(73)
	Browns pro-bowler Shaun Rogers is willing to give up a six million dollar bonus and wants to leave the team because Eric Mangini didn't say hi to him. Oh the joys of being a Browns fan	(33)
	Yahoo sports columnist argues that the NFL players' union needs to do what it can to get Michael Vick reinstated. Sounds like it will be a real dogfight	(33)
	Highlights of guys beating the crap out of each other	(14)
	Phillies pitcher Scott Eyre says he's down to his last $13	(37)
	No.1 Pitt gets Friared	(29)
	McNabb tells Eagles to add talent. Oh sweet Ironic tag, this article was made for you	(57)
(Some Guy)	Not content to repeat as NBA Champions, the Celtics will try to sabotage their season by going after a guy who was so good, the Knicks benched him	(48)

Tue February 24, 2009

	What to do when you're the hottest female MMAer but currently unemployed? Have your bra auctioned on Ebay and pose for a skin mag, of course	(70)
	Former Yankee Jason Giambi has received another offer from New York. To work in a strip club(Not safe for work pic)	(17)
	Toronto FC trades first-round draft pick to acquire defender from Dallas FC. He's Serioux... and don't call him Shirley	(62)
(SLO Tribune)	Man collapses and dies playing recreational hockey at San Jose rink, two hours after another man collapsed and died playing hockey at the same rink. What the h-e-double-hockeysticks?	(58)
	Former White Sox slugger Ron Kittle congratulates Jose Canseco for exposing MLB's steroid problem. Just kidding. Kittle said Canseco is in danger, and "I wonder who's going to be the first one to shoot him."	(30)
	Just like he did at submitter's mom's house, Pittsburgh Penguins captain Sidney Crosby leaves practice with sore groin	(41)
	73-year-old who returned to college to rejoin basketball team promptly fails Spanish class, gets ruled academically ineligible, forcing team to forfeit game	(21)
	Cool: Earning an invitation to the NFL combine. Not so cool: Immediately being told that you have to retire because of a heart condition	(30)
(Some Guy)	The 15 worst basketball jerseys from all over the world. Special fail bonus goes to the 1922 New York Celtics. Yes, you read that right	(65)
	Caption Kobe Bryant and his courtside pal Bill O'Reilly	(75)
	The 10 Worst Contracts in the NHL. Difficulty: No Sean Avery	(53)
	The coolest half-court buzzer beater by Nets guard Devin Harris you'll see today	(35)
	A guilty plea to DUI and a pink prison jumpsuit? That's turrible	(21)
	Rugby star injured in car crash is able to communicate only by winking. So far has phone numbers from three gay orderlies but only wants a farking aspirin	(11)

Mon February 23, 2009

	As a basketball coach in Oregon recently found out, after you admit to having sex with underage girls to the media because of statute of limitations protection, it probably isn't a great idea to do it again	(17)
	The highest-paid private university employee in the United States is a Nobel-winning scientist who's cured multiple diseases... nah, just kidding, it's USC football coach Pete Carroll, at $4.4 million/year	(106)
	Stay Classy, San Diego	(26)
	Vikings fans, your long-awaited savior quarterback may arrive soon: Sage Rosenfels	(62)
	Dale Earnhardt Jr. earns $830 for each left turn he makes. Unlike his father, whose one right turn earned him sainthood	(38)
	Reasons soccer never broke in the US: Americans didn't care for the skilled passes, the artistic goals, the ebb and flow of offense becoming defense...and oh yeah, goalies throwing opposing player's shoes during the game	(135)
	NY Rangers fans get what they want: Coach Renney canned despite still being in the playoff picture. Headline in May: Rangers fire GM Glen Sather	(53)
	Washington Nationals release LHP Odalis Perez after he's a no-show for training camp -- 18 days after he signed a contract	(37)
	The Patriots believe what they really need to get back to the playoffs is a hobbled, veteran running back, so they immediately call Fred Taylor	(59)
	Cricket team learns the hard way that having a large "H" as a team logo can be problematic if games are ever played near helicopter flight zones	(75)
	I learned it from you, dad. I learned it from watching YOU	(40)
	What could be worse than Emmitt Smith on ESPN? Brett Favre, potential ESPN studio analyst	(33)
	The British are desperately hoping LeBron James has a grandparent who spent some time in London, because they need Olympic basketball players	(15)
	Delonte West eases back into the Cavs starting lineup by going 8-11 from the field including hitting all 5 of his 3-point attempts. LeBron wonders if fark would ever greenlight a Cavs headline without him in it	(24)
	Michigan all but assured of missing the NCAA tourney for the eleventh straight year. You'd think they'd see better results considering what their players are getting paid	(55)
	Matt Kenseth becomes fifth driver in history to win first two races of season	(25)
	Double amputee sprinter in boating accident is recovering, contemplating changing name to "Bob"	(16)
	Portland's Steve Blake dishes out 14 assists against the Clippers. In the first quarter	(20)
(Awful Announcing)	"Boom goes the dynamite" makes it all the way to the Oscars thanks to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air (with video)	(43)