Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Sports Archives for '2009-02-22 23:59:59'

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Sun February 22, 2009

(Some Guy)	Lance Armstrong owns a syringe-toting costumed freak during the Amgen bike tour (w/ WTF pics)	(34)
	With the proliferation of spread offenses in college football, NFL scouts are having a tougher time finding players. Because no team has ever won the Super Bowl out of the shotgun	(69)
	The Miracle on Ice, 29 years ago today	(52)
(Some Guy)	Jim Calhoun smacks down a reporter who dares to question why Calhoun is the highest paid state employee in Connecticut	(37)
	Oklahomowned	(45)
	Boston Red Sox David Ortiz linked to A-Rod's steroid trainer	(82)
	In Saturday's game against the Blackhawks, Dallas Stars Marty Turco makes one of the greatest (or luckiest?) saves in NHL history	(46)
	Unranked Maryland rallies from 16-point deficit to upset #3 North Carolina. Fear the Turtle. Duke sucks	(20)

Sat February 21, 2009

	It's an unofficial Canadian holiday, but this is your official NHL 'Hockey Day In Canada' thread. Ott/Mtl, Van/Tor and Cal/Edm in an all-day, triple-header marathon	(92)
	Emmitt Smith terminatored at ESPN	(60)
	NFL combine tests show former Texas Tech WR Michael Crabtree has a broken foot, all but guaranteeing he will be drafted by the Detroit Lions	(26)
	NFL admits they jobbed the Cards. Fines Holmes $10K for Super Bowl celebration that should have been 15-yard penalty	(123)
	Signs your career isn't going as planned #176: You're interrupted in the middle of a match by a man serving you with a bankruptcy notice	(8)
	Biggest game in the EPL this weekend is Liverpool v Man City. It sees the laughing stock of the league, an expensive team of perennial no-hopers and their out-of-his-depth, tactically clueless manager pit their wits against Manchester City	(123)
(The Spectrum)	Larry Miller, owner of the Utah Jazz, took a shot at beating the diabeetus but came up two feet short. Now the clock has run out	(43)
(The Sporting Muse)	What happens when the ugly stick whacks sports uniforms?	(50)
	Raiders spend $16 million on the hardest working man on their roster: the punter	(28)
	The key to the White Sox chances this year? A healthy Colon	(24)
	For the third straight game, The Suns punt around the pond scum of the NBA for 140 points. Tag is for the fact they did it without their leading scorer	(49)

Fri February 20, 2009

	Not news: Doctors attend baseball fantasy camps and pretend to be major leaguers. News: Major leaguer comes to camp and pretends to be a doctor. FARK: By operating on himself	(20)
	Thursday: Suns decide not to trade Amare Stoudemire before the NBA trade deadline. Friday: Stoudemire injured and likely done for the season. Brilliant	(19)
	Dodgers sign Orlando Hudson to replace retired secondbaseman Jeff Kent. No word if Hudson will grow a creepy 70s porno 'stache like his predecessor	(17)
	Mets fans at Citifield will have dining choices such as Belgian frites and chardonnay from Nobu to take their mind off of what is going on on the field	(49)
	Buffalo Bills head coach Dick Jauron vows to do a better job this season. Pffft... as if there was any possible way he could have coached any worse	(38)
	The real value of the Wonderlic test: 49ers QB Alex Smith scored 40 out of 50, Cardinals QB Matt Leinart got 35 out of 50, Hall of Fame QB Dan Marino got 15 out of 50	(88)
(MLive.com)	Detroit Lions poised to cut QB Jon Kitna to avoid paying $1M roster bonus. Hey, it's not like they can possibly win any less games without him	(57)
	Fired ex-Rams coach Scott Linehan hired as new offensive coordinator for... drumroll, please... Detroit Lions	(29)
	Bucks' injury bug claims the mascot (video)	(13)
	Tom Glavineosaurus Rex signs one year deal with the Braves	(23)
	Harlem Globetrotter arrested on domestic violence charges. Wow - I guess they're real basketball players after all	(29)

Thu February 19, 2009

	Golf becomes revelant again next week	(61)
	Rapper excited to be blogging for ESPN.com. How excited? He got the ESPN logo tattooed on his arm (with pic)	(19)
	Seven sports submit proposals for inclusion in 2016 Olympics. Good luck with that, roller speedskating	(48)
(Some Guy)	So what's Stephon Marbury been up to since the Knicks won't play him? If you said he's making improv comedies with a random dude at an LA bus stop, collect your prize	(18)
	Cavs making deal for Shaq in bid to win NBA crown. Since it worked so well for Phoenix	(34)
	Jerry Jones selling everything in Texas Stadium, just like he sold the team's integrity years ago. Tom Landry rolling over in grave (again)	(34)
	The solution to NFL overtime issues? Easy: 8 minutes, no timeouts, no sudden death	(128)
	I'll call your Bossy goal and go all in with the Lemieux faceoff goal	(40)
	I'll see your Mike Bossy goal and RE-raise you an even better Ovechkin goal. Ovechkin trifecta in play	(24)
	Kings and Timberwolves agree to four-player deal. Bobby Brown goes to the T-Wolves who are now expected to beat the crap out of Houston	(60)
	Oklahoma City Thunder cancel trade with New Orleans Hornets after the results of Tyson Chandler's physical match a Fark tag	(16)
	Congratulations Mike Piazza, Albert Pujols, Moises Alou, and others, here are your MVP Awards that you were screwed out of because the winner used steroids. Well, that's what we'd like to do, anyway	(154)
	Bad: Losing an AHL game in a shootout. Worse: Rolling your bus onto its side on the Thruway home	(12)
	A-Rod makes his cousin, Yuri Sucart, the most famous person ever named Yuri by linking him to his steroid case	(64)
	I'll see your Ovechkin goal and raise you Mike Bossy's mid-air goal during the 1982 Stanley Cup finals (goal at 2:08)	(42)
	Penn State upsets #16, 38-33. Yes, that's a basketball score. No, it wasn't the halftime score, it was the final score. Duke still sucks	(51)
	Suns score 140 points against Clippers. This is not a repeat from yesterday	(20)
	Steal the puck, backhand bank pass off the boards, get hauled down. Sliding on your rear end, nothin' but net	(77)
	Pro Wrestling legend Verne Gagne under investigation for killing his roommate. No word on if the Gagne Sleeper was involved	(49)
	Already blackballed, Bonds takes another shot below the belt	(13)
	Fapworthy Aussie swimmer Stephanie Rice says she is sick of being labelled "party girl", says she's not that wild. Pics in article seem to indicate otherwi- fapfapfapfapfapfap	(50)

Wed February 18, 2009

	Ken Griffey Jr decides to return to where it all began and spend time on the Mariners disabled list	(91)
	Good News: Chicago Bulls pull the trigger on a five player deal. Bad News: None of those players involve Amare Stoudemire or Chris Bosh	(39)
	Albert Haynesworth thinking about testing the free agent market forcing General Managers across the country to wonder who he is	(53)
	Six year old soccer player with ball skills no six year old should have	(101)
	Today's episode of "Not Bloody Likely, Old Chap" brought to by Boston Red Sox owner calling on Major League Baseball to adopt a salary cap	(94)
	Swedish biathletes receive worldwide praise from fellow competitors for country's anti-doping stance. Ha, ha, no... they're receving death threats from Russia	(21)
	The NFL Pro Bowl, which was in Hawaii, then removed from Hawaii, may return to Hawaii. Apparently star players don't like all-expenses paid trips to Glendale, Detroit, and Houston	(23)
(Giants.com)	Lucy wasn't the only Van Pelt who pulled the football away	(14)
	NASCAR driver Jeff Burton will appear on General Hospital. Nothing says 'NASCAR' like daytime soaps	(17)
	Economy 1, Hornets 0	(38)
	Alvin Gentry proves point by winning his first game 140-100 over the Clippers. Yeah its the Clippers but come on	(20)
	Kaka tells LA Galaxy to let Beckham move to Italy. LA Galaxy tells Kaka he's full of himself	(54)
	Former Minnesota governor and pro wrestler Jesse Ventura: "They indicted Vince McMahon, why aren't they indicting Bud Selig?"	(42)
	Cleveland Cavaliers F/C Ben Wallace suffers multiple lacerations to his arm while playing catch with a football. Apparently, footballs contain shards of broken glass these days	(19)
	The Washington Nationals' top prospect, a 19-year-old shortstop named Esmailyn Gonzalez, is actually a 23-year-old named Carlos Alvarez Daniel Lugo	(27)
	Shaq returning to the Lakers? Don't laugh, it just might happen	(17)
	"A-Rod could have done worse, he could have murdered someone" - Johnny Damon	(137)
	"Canseco wants apology from baseball." You're doing it wrong	(18)
	Tracy McGrady out for the season with a knee injury. Of course, it sounded much more surprising when Stephen A. Smith said it	(26)
	Salary caps? In my soccer? It's more likely than you think	(40)
	Personal fouls taken one step too far at Alabama highschool basketball playoffs	(33)
	A real show of sportsmanship. Submitter has a little something in his eye	(58)
	Another advantage to owning a time machine: You can travel to the distant future to find out who the Celtics got in trade for Sam Cassell	(7)
(Ballpark Digest)	Hoping to help cash-strapped families fight hunger, New Jersey minor league baseball clubs to offer kids free hot dog, soda, and chips at every home game	(16)

Tue February 17, 2009

	Longtime Sports Illustrated Contributor writes that SI Swimsuit models have "awkward bodies of 14-year-old boys" that look "alien-ish"	(61)
	Brewers sign Eric Gagne to compete with Trevor Hoffman for league lead in blown saves	(21)
	Alex Rodriguez says his cousin injected him with strange substances. And you thought that only happened in West Virginia	(57)
	And now, in an attempt to prove he is still alive and somewhat relevant, here is part of Joe Rogan's take on Michael Phelps losing his Kellogg's sponsorship. Well played, stoner man	(61)
	Charles Barkley signs on for a new Golf Channel reality show to help fix his laughable golf swing. Show expected to neither raise nor lower the channel's viewership	(29)
	Co-pilot of flight that landed in the Hudson River will throw out first pitch at Brewers' home opener. Pitch likely to be a sinker	(24)
	Ken Griffey, Jr. looks to take the spot on the Braves' disabled list that Mike Hampton left open	(36)
	Padres pitcher Heath Bell busted with latest MLB performance enhancer: Nintendo Wii Fit	(27)
	Female turnstile operator gets to manage English football team for one match. With fuzzy picture	(18)
	Sports Illustrated photoshops out Danica Patrick's tattoo for this year's swimsuit issue. Wonder if SI's current editors know her photos in last year's SI swimsuit issue included the body ink? (with photo evidence)	(57)
	Bud Selig: Everyone in baseball deserves blame for steroids..... except for me. Don't you dare suggest any blame for me	(48)
	Pitt defeats a #1 team for first time in school history by knocking off UConn. Duke sucks	(24)
	Philadelphia Phillies sign Cairo. Cincinnati Bengals still interested in Thebes	(28)
	Lions sign Peterman to five-year, $15 million contract as guard. Not bad for a dude who used to sell urban sombreros in his catalog	(31)
(Bemidji Pioneer)	16-year-old arrested for slashing during pick-up hockey game. Minnesota Wild considering "sign with us for bail money" deal	(25)
	Like Shaq, UFC legend Kimo Leopoldo patrols streets in cop uniform. But unlike Shaq, he's not a cop, can't rap, and is strung out on MMEth	(38)
	White Sox GM Kenny Williams hopes to make Obama proud. This is bad news... for the AL Central	(28)
	Oil Can Boyd looking to make triumphant return to MLB ptching after 18 year lay-off. May be a bit rusty	(54)
	The Tampa Bay Buccaneers tell Jeff Garcia that he will have to find a new place to place his hands beneath the buttocks of a big muscular sweaty man next season	(48)

Mon February 16, 2009

		Why is Kentucky basketball coach Billy Gillispie conspicuously rude to ESPN reporter Jeannine Edwards during TV interviews? Might have something to do with her turning down his amorous advances	(36)
		With their casinos bankrupt, UFC owners may be forced to sell MMA property. Which could then see Dana White out on his you-know-what	(54)
		At last our long national nightmare is over: Michal Phelps will not face charges	(49)
		Mike Hampton seeks medical treatment for.. spins wheel .. irregular heartbeat	(23)
		What's more shocking, an NBAer popped for 90 mph in a 35 with an unrestrained baby in the passenger seat. Or that the mother of the child is actually the player's WIFE	(38)
		Chicago Bulls projected as favorites to land Amare Stoudemire, end his career	(29)
		The recession strikes Jacksonville as the Jaguars can no longer afford career benchwarmers	(41)
		In statement that CAN'T POSSIBLY come back to haunt him, David Ortiz says steroid users should receive ban from baseball	(101)
		Liverpool manager whining again. Is it Monday already?	(34)
		Steve Kerr trades two first-round picks for bus, throws Terry Porter under it	(49)
		If you throw your olympic medal on the floor in a fit of childish pique then just leave it dude, because it's gone	(17)
		Former model barred from Olympic women's boxing due to implants, although she says she'd pay for corrective surgery to repair any damage to her pert, perfectly rounded 32C breasts. Yes, you'd hit it. Repeatedly	(50)
		Even if you don't understand cricket, this has to be one of the most impressive catches evar	(70)
		Dear Kansas City, Cleveland, and Salt Lake City: Please buy us. The people down here don't like the sport we play. Love, the Atlanta Thrashers	(82)
		Kobe, tell me how our mutually shared award tastes	(31)
		The correct answer for a non-steroid user when asked if you've tested positive is "no," not "God only knows." Because, presumably, you would know	(19)
		In a ballsy move, thief makes off with Lance Armstrong's bike. He must be nuts	(24)
		Duke sucks wicked haaahrd	(31)