Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Sports Archives for '2009-02-15 23:59:59'

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Sun February 15, 2009

	The most overrated driver in NASCAR history causes wreck that takes out the best car in the field, driven by the biggest douche in NASCAR history	(21)
(Some Guy)	Pittsburgh Penguins fire head coach Michel Therrien, Therrien last seen with angry scowl on face, so it's hard to tell if he's heard the news yet	(11)
(Providence Journal)	J. D. Drew beats personal best for earliest injury	(17)
	Texas Tech coach Pat Knight on OU's Blake Griffin "...ever see that movie 'The Terminator'? That's what that kid is like. Every kid I put on him was like Sarah Connor"	(18)
	Tony LaRussa supports a zero-tolerance policy for performance enhancing drugs in baseball, except for players that he managed who broke the single season home run record	(92)
	Navy won't allow Midshipman running back to attend NFL combine for the same reason thousands of highly skilled Naval Officers must serve their six-year commits instead of immediately making more money on the free market	(36)
	Partygoers not rolling over on Phelps	(34)
	Will Jeff Gordon end his 41-race winless streak? Can Mark Martin really win? Will tires be an issue? Where the hell is Kyle Petty? All this and more as we go racin' - The Daytona 500, 3:30 EST, Fox	(879)
	The secret to Jeff Reed's kicking ability on Heinz Field revealed: he practices on local gas station bathrooms	(46)
	Britain's Olympics Minister wants to change Olympic rules to allow women's boxing and men's synchronized swimming at the 2012 London Olympics. Martin Short unavailable for comment	(14)
	Anybody who had Day minus-1 in their "When will Tony Stewart's first blowup of 2009 come?" -- Claim your prize	(44)
	Phoenix Suns head coach Terry Porter circling the drain, expecting to be fired Monday	(35)
(Newsminer)	Old and busted: Jamaican bobsled team. New hotness: Jamaican dogsled team	(8)
(Some Guy)	Every dunk from the NBA dunk contest. Congrats to the leprechaun who beat Superman	(36)

Sat February 14, 2009

	Sports concession stand operators expected to keep prices steady in 2009 due to recession. If you bought $7 cup of beer last year, you'll pay $7 this year for same cup of beer	(38)
	NBA Slam Dunk discussion thread	(212)
	Hank Aaron to Bud Selig: STFU & GBTW	(214)
(Some Guy)	It doesn't matter if you hate hockey or sports in general. Just listen to this NHL announcer's ridiculously awesome goal calls	(137)
(Some Guy)	Speed stacking, the only sport in the world where the better you are at it the less attractive to the opposite sex you are	(26)
(Velo News)	Lance Armstrong shreds reporter during press conference	(75)
	Only good teams make it to the fifth round of the FA Cup, so Man United, Aston Villa, Everton, Chelsea and Arsenal are all in action this weekend. Liverpool are not	(88)
	Wife accuses ex-NBAer of threatening to kill her, faking his own suicide and a case of stomach cancer and peeing in the sink, Did we mention he's also being tried for murder next month?	(27)
	Raptors trade Jermaine O'Neal for the only good Wachowski Brothers movie	(26)
	6*	(82)
	As of today new Vols coach Lane Kiffin is averaging one NCAA violation every 30 days	(36)
	What do you do when the best paid player is baseball admits to using steroids? If you are the University of Miami, you name your ballpark after him	(40)

Fri February 13, 2009

	2-4-6-8 Everybody urinate. High school cheerleaders will be subjected to drug testing just like athletes	(135)
	Stacey Dales quit ESPN because she had to fly coach, while Erin Andrews went first class. They could have settled it with a televised Jell-O wrestling match and everybody would have been happy	(40)
	Atlanta Falcons announce intention to trade rights to QB Michael Vick. Good luck with that	(75)
	Miami politicians to decide on whether to authorize a new stadium for the 15-year old Marlins. This new stadium would be built with about 2000 seats so the Marlins could fill it more easily	(17)
	If his team lost, legendary Ohio State Football Coach Woody Hayes would conduct postgame interviews in the nude. Kansas football reporters desperately hope revelation doesn't reach Mark Mangino	(21)
	Forbes names Ann Arbor as the #1 college town in the country. Attractions are watching your football team become a national joke and a basketball team that hasn't made the NCAA tourney in well over a decade	(118)
	Bud Selig may just make Hank Aaron the Home Run King again	(107)
	Reports that Ken Griffey, Jr is close to signing with the Seattle Mariners is news to Ken Griffey, Jr	(23)
	Pittsburgh Pirates pitchers know things can't go much worse than last year. Then again, this is the Pirates, so at least there's no added pressure of winning games	(17)
	After years of mediocrity, John Paxson expected to resign as GM of the Bulls	(34)
	The Dodgers moved their spring training home from Vero Beach, FL, to Phoenix, AZ, assuming they would get more fans and more corporate money. So far, they're batting .000	(25)
	Yankees GM has A-Rod's back with the same knife he used when he had Joe Torre's back	(25)
(Some Guy)	Remembering when the NBA dunk contest was awesome: The 1980s (with MJ/'Nique battle included, of course)	(75)
	NFL commissioner Roger Goodell takes voluntary pay cut for 2008, freezes salary for 2009	(33)
	Ten years ago, the Toronto Maple Leafs played their last game in legendary Maple Leaf Gardens. Nearing collapse, the once-proud fan favorite is almost in ruins. But enough about the team, the old building is in great condition	(34)
	Chances of NBA team returning to Seattle about the same as Shaq hitting a free throw	(45)

Thu February 12, 2009

	Minor league hockey team to hold "Don't be like Mike" night in honor of the Michael Phelps incident. "If the team scores with 4:20 on the clock in any period, one fan will win a season ticket for the following season"	(33)
	Angels suddenly back in picture for Manny Ramirez as manager and de facto GM Mike Scioscia says he'd "absolutely" want Ramirez on his club. Dodgers, your move	(53)
	Despite having an owner who once posed for Playboy, LA Lakers Girls turned down SI Swimsuit Issue photo shoot offer	(37)
	Elgin Baylor has a heck of a good shot at winning his lawsuit against the Los Angeles Clippers. All he needs to do is find 12 jury members who can't compute winning percentages	(9)
(Vancouver Sun)	Olympic torch for 2010 winter olympics in Vancouver unveiled. Of course, since the games are in B.C., it looks like a giant joint being fired up	(33)
	Not expecting to sell any tickets this season, Seattle aggresively pursuing bringing Ken Griffey Jr. back to town	(43)
	World's first rookie card nets $75,000 at auction. Which means that in 140 years, you're Billy Ripken "fark face" card might be worth something	(46)
	Adam Dunn will officially join the Washington Nationals today, marking his swift descent into obscurity	(44)
	Pitcher Roy Oswalt capitulates and says we should all just get over the PED era of baseball and move on. Just kidding, he'd run the cheaters out of town on a rail and strip all of their numbers	(66)
	Selig considers suspending A-Rod. Well, at least until the season starts	(107)
	Mo Williams scores 44 points against Phoenix. Maybe LeBron James was right about him deserving to be on the All-Star team	(26)
	Former Clippers GM Elgin Baylor, fired after 22 years and 3 playoff appearances, sues team on grounds of discrimination, alleges owner Donald Sterling had racist "vision of a Southern Plantation type structure"	(35)
	Guy Lafleur to stand trial for obstruction of justice. He hopes he just gets two minutes in the penalty box for looking so good, like Maurice Richard in that Grecian Formula commercial	(20)
	Remember that whole Lance Armstrong will do his own anti-doping campaign to prove he's drug free. Funny thing	(33)

Wed February 11, 2009

	Military judge sentences Army football player to small fine and reprimand after he admits to three assaults, wrongful sexual conduct and burglary during drunken rampage through West Point's female barracks	(40)
	Ex-college basketball player claims she lost scholarship because she liked the hardwood	(35)
	Wayne Huizenga, who sold the Miami Dolphins last week, didn't know the NY Giants made the 2008 NFL playoffs. In his defense, he hasn't had the need to follow the postseason much the past decade (with audio)	(12)
	Adam Dunn to strike out for the Nationals this season	(51)
(The Sporting Muse)	Rickey Henderson will deliver his Baseball Hall of Fame induction speech in the the third person	(19)
	Official World Cup round 1 discussion --USA v Mexico tonight @ 7pm EST	(322)
	Next season, college football players who dare to score a touchdown will be expected to commit seppuku for dishonoring their opponent	(52)
	Bobby Abreu leaves often disappointing New York-based financial powerhouse baseball club to sign with often disappointing Los Angeles-based financial powerhouse baseball club. No, the other one	(37)
	Darryl Strawberry wants today's players to know that his generation didn't need steroids. All they needed was cock and whores	(81)
	Someone actually bothered to do the math on the supposed Atlantic Ocean swim. Proof that someone's paying attention...or has too much time on their hands	(52)
	IRS discovers a hole in one of the tax returns of a professional golfer	(9)
	Raiders hire Michalczik to coach offensive line. Al Davis already making plans to fire him by tricking him into saying his name backwards	(22)
	Lawsuit alleges Roberto Alomar insisted on unprotected sex knowing he had AIDS; victim so angry she could spit	(87)
	Boxer and trainer banned for one year after borrowing a technique from "Slap Shot"	(75)
	Most hockey teams don't lose after leading by three goals in the third period. Of course, most hockey teams aren't the Toronto Maple Leafs	(44)
	How do you explain the size of today's NBA stars without steroids? "[LeBron James eats] a couple bowls of oatmeal and [works out] 30 minutes in the gym? Is he training for seventh grade dodgeball?"	(79)
	Brett the Jet is no more, Favre retires. Where's the awkward, tear-filled press conference? What a rip off	(134)
	Cleveland Cavaliers coach Mike Brown goes on tirade after LeBron James doesn't get preferential treatment at the end of the game	(64)
	Jose Canseco "wants to help baseball with steroid issue", which is a bit like Drew offering to help people who drink too much beer	(28)
	Finally, a champion who can beat Tiger Woods. Bonus: He is only 10 and almost died in 2004	(21)

Tue February 10, 2009

	With the city of Sacramento unable to pay for a new arena for the NBA Kings, the team will most likely move. So is it unreasonable for city officials to request money from the forthcoming government stimulus program to build a new arena?	(56)
	Oklahoma State coach apologizes for using profanity while calling one of his players an idiot during a game. Somewhere, Bob Knight is throwing chairs and laughing	(19)
	Troy Aikman finally graduates from college. No word on whether he reflexively said, "That's right, Chris" when he accepted his diploma	(23)
	"The Raiders won't have an official offensive coordinator." Which works out pretty well, since they haven't had an official offense in years	(37)
	Kellogg's hotline: "If you would like to share your comments regarding our relationship with Michael Phelps, please press one to speak to a representative. If you're calling about the recent peanut butter recall..."	(31)
(Baseball Prospectus)	The final 2009 baseball standings, as projected by Baseball Prospectus. The "Yankees got f*%&ing screwed" line forms to the right	(176)
(Some Guy)	If you enjoy watching an overpaid, slacker NBA superstar getting brutally rejected by the rim on a dunk, here you go	(56)
	It's one of the great questions of our time: Is Danica Patrick a better racecar driver or swimsuit model?	(133)
	South Carolina solves crime problem by arresting eight known associates of criminal mastermind Michael Phelps	(62)
	"Maybe it's time to shut the doors at Cooperstown. Forever"	(121)
	Gruden on Tebow: "He's the strongest human being who's ever played the position. . . This guy here is 250 pounds of concrete cyanide, man." In other news, Concrete Cyanide would be a great band name	(95)
	Pillow fights - serious business	(67)
	Sports Illustrated 2009 swimsuit issue pics & video. Apparently, their website is also available in paper form	(30)
	Since Ultimate Fighting is apparently not homoerotic enough, MMA's "War Machine" arrested for fighting in gay night club	(91)
	A married Dwyane Wade allegedly smoked weed in front of a business partner, staged "sex parties" and said that his "goal in life is to have sex with as many women as possible"	(59)
	Lane Kiffin already violates NCAA recruiting rules for mock press conferences and using a fog machine when introducing a recruit at the stadium	(73)

Mon February 09, 2009

	Having solved all other problems in the state, the Utah legislature is petitioning President Obama to urge the NCAA to abandon the Bowl Championship Series in favor of a playoff system	(15)
	Thanks to the steroid admission of baseball's current best player, Alex Rodriguez, let us be the first to welcome Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens to the Baseball Hall of Fame	(53)
	"Baseball is down to the last player we can trust - Derek Jeter"	(200)
	UFL looks to join the ranks of the WFL, USFL and XFL	(37)
	Retired clown, notary, and plumber who used to sleep with his girlfriend's caiman are among contestants in state's first major gator wrestling championship in twenty-two years	(8)
(Biz of Baseball)	MLB.com and NHL join forces to offer all-you-can-stream $140 online video package for both baseball and hockey. At last, Padres fans with a Maple Leaf jones can find satisfaction	(45)
	A-Rod admits taking it in the butt	(276)
	Dallas Cowboys kick Pacman to the curb, plan to replace him with short, Italian plumber in red shirt and overalls	(41)
	German soccer league officials deny 69 to player; say he'll have to score the old-fashioned way	(12)
	How bad is college football in North Carolina? So bad that even after almost 50 years of suck, Duke is still the most prestigious program in the state	(35)
	Former Atlanta Falcons RB Jamal Anderson, who created the "Dirty Bird" celebration dance, charged with felony possession of cocaine, misdemeanor possession of marijuana	(29)
	Charlie Woods opens as a 2-1 favorite to become the youngest-ever major winner in the 2029 US Open	(33)
	On the day of the epic matchup between Kobe and Lebron, the game is dominated by a 28 point 17 rebound night by Lamar Odom. Wait, what?	(43)