Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Sports Archives for '2009-02-01 23:59:59'

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Sun February 01, 2009

(Retriever Receiver)	Snatching fail from the jaws of interesting: Bar decides Superbowl is overrated - decides to show Puppy Bowl instead	(27)
	A list of some of the more interesting MLB contract incentive clauses, including equestrian lessons for Troy Glaus's wife and a bulldozer for Roy Oswalt. No mention of grief counseling for anyone signed by the Pirates	(12)
	Although another sports trophy will be awarded today, the NHL wants to remind you that the Stanley Cup is the end-all, be-all of sports trophies	(47)
	Screw that stupid football game, here's the ever-so-more-important official Super Bowl commercial discussion thread. Bonus: official pregame and official halftime festivities discussion. Officially	(782)
(NFL.com)	Will the Steelers become the first NFL team to win six titles? Will the Cardinals win their first? It's your official Super Bowl XLIII thread (NBC, kickoff approx. 6:20pm Eastern)	(5361)
	How to fix the 0-16 Detroit Lions in one easy step: a) Draft better, b) Switch owners, or c) Ditch the logo and change the team colors to "champagne and plum"	(56)
	Uǝdo uɐı1ɐɹʇsnɐ uıʍ oʇ ɹǝɹǝpǝɟ ɹǝboɹ sʇɐǝɟǝp 1ɐpɐu 1ǝɐɟɐɹ	(48)
	After threatening to leave Indianapolis nine years ago if the city didn't build the Pacers a new stadium, Pacers CEO says the city has to re-negotiate the lease or they might pull a Seattle SuperSonics	(42)
	Last night's pre-Super Bowl arrests include a man 'with a tattoo labeling him a porn star', a man who knocked over an occupied portable toilet, a man with drugs stashed in his buttocks, and other morans (with mugshot goodness)	(55)
	Georges St. Pierre dominates BJ Penn at UFC 94	(51)
(redraiders.com)	Pat Knight calmly discusses bad call with ref, if by "calmly" you mean he goes apes**t like dad Bobby Knight	(28)

Sat January 31, 2009

(FanIQ)	Ever wonder why Roger Clemens always seemed so heated up there on the mound?	(37)
(Some Guy)	Michael Phelps takes a hit from the bong. EVERYBODY PANIC	(114)
	Dwyane Wade talks about playing with LeBron on the Knicks in 2010. Knicks fans collectively change their pants	(32)
	Congressmen do not want the Mets home opener to be at CitiField in 72 days. What's left of Shea Stadium surrenders	(38)
	Arsenal v West Ham, Man United v Everton, Liverpool v Chelsea - it's the Biggest Weekend Of The EPL Season So Far #24	(101)
	NFL finally admits they're a bunch of over armored mamby-pamby multimillionaires that aren't really in any danger whatsoever	(48)
	Serena Williams won her 10th Grand Slam at the Australian Open, give her bragging rights and No. 1 seed. Not bad for a days work. (pics)	(25)
	Sorry, but if you actually read an article about which wines go well with Super Bowl food, you'll have to turn in your man card. It's the rules	(50)
	Betting on the Super Bowl? Your financial partner in all things profitable, the IRS, wants to remind you that illegal gambling is taxable. Of course, if you lose, you're on your own	(16)
	Terrible towel sham wow. It sells itself	(47)
(Sportsnet.ca)	Daring to approach Don Cherry, the human personification of sartorial splendor? That's a firin' (w/obligatory pic of Grapes in suit)	(28)

Fri January 30, 2009

	Red Sox reach 2-year deal with Jason Varitek, leaving New England with nothing to talk about now this weekend	(79)
	Arizona teen sent home from school for wearing a Hines Ward jersey. Father expects a media frenzy with plenty of questions about his son's hamstring	(55)
	The best sports action photos you'll see this week	(39)
	Pittsburgh and Glendale mayors make Super Bowl wager. Loser has to plant tree from Pennsylvania or cactus from Arizona outside stadium -- which will promptly die because it's in the wrong climate	(48)
	Does God care who wins the Super Bowl? Reporter takes 2,000 words to answer. Submitter only needs one: No	(58)
	The top 50 network TV announcers of all time. This list is obviously full of shiat as #1 is Howard Cosell and #2 is John Madden	(125)
	Detroit Lions consider changing uniforms for 2010 season. Most fans surprised to learn team colors aren't "camouflage" as defense has been invisible for past decade	(37)
	Ugly-ass meerkats make Super Bowl prediction	(9)
	NFL bosses say, with a straight face, that London could have its own franchise in 10-12 years	(52)
	Lynn Swann's acrobatic 53-yard catch in Super Bowl X voted best Super Bowl moment	(120)
	Edgerrin James rewards himself with brand new Lamborghini, showing the world his time in Arizona has not been fruitless	(17)
	Shea Stadium is going, going ... a little roller behind what's left of the bag ... still GETS BY BUCKNER	(57)
	In the midst of a seven-game losing streak, Vancouver Canucks take out their frustrations on the Vancouver Canucks	(31)
	Federal prosecutors name their star witness in case against Barry Bonds -- Bobby Estalella, a backup catcher who played a season and a half with the Giants	(27)
	Ex Chicago Bull Blount rolls with police to joint, caught stuffed with 18 lbs of pot	(14)
	Old and Busted: religious warfare. New and Hot: religious hockey brawls	(20)
	I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a picture of Robinho with a car air freshener on his head	(10)
(Some Guy)	Pittsburgh City Schools to have two-hour delay the day after the Super Bowl	(26)
	Larry Fitzgerald's baby mama, who filed a restraining order after accusing the Arizona Cardinal of slamming her head on a marble floor (among other things), plans to attend the Super Bowl with his estranged son in tow	(22)
	And with one mighty blow, the World Baseball Classic turned to suck	(62)
	Barack Obama declares Kobe Bryant the best player in the world. Suck it Lebron (with video)	(54)
(Some Guy)	Vancouver Canucks figuring out what Toronto knew a long time ago: Mats Sundin is an overpaid, underachieving bag of crap on skates	(23)
	George W. Bush appears at college basketball game and gets standing ovation. Complete coincidence that he showed up at a women's game that features a campus heavy on "militant evangelicals" (see "the base")	(39)
	High School teams that win big are evil and are hurting the psyche of our children...EVERYBODY PANIC	(33)

Thu January 29, 2009

	Shaq returns to greatness by making the NBA all-star team, new rap CD and Kazaam 2 expected to follow	(44)
	In newspaper profile of Arizona Cardinals Owner Michael Bidwill, NFL executives liken him to a "SCREAMING tyrant". If you hadn't won anything since 1948, you probably go Kim Jong Il too	(14)
	Your manager mispronounces your last name horrifically. Do you: a) Laugh it off, b) Teach him how to pronounce it properly, or c) Swear never to play for the team again?	(27)
	Boston Bruins' top scorer Kessel cleared to return vs. New Jersey Devils, expected to make his run in less than twelve parsecs	(63)
(Outsports.com)	Favre gives Aaron Rodgers the cold shoulder, glad to finally do something useful as a Jet with one of his shoulders	(45)
	Cincinnati Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis wants the team to show more discipline, which is like asking people at a Grateful Dead concert to use less drugs	(17)
	Columnist: If Steelers win, they are the era's greatest franchise. Patriots fans, complain to the right	(190)
	Mike Tomlin, the youngest man to coach a team to the Super Bowl, named NFL coach of the year	(72)
	Starting lineup of Puppy Bowl V sit for their glamour shots. Subby has a double sawbuck that says number 10 wins MVP. He's got an eye for mischief	(58)
	North Carolina teacher shoots women's college basketball player during kidnapping attempt. Teacher's punishment? Suspension with pay	(16)
	Rosters for the WNBA's 12 remaining teams will shrink to 11 active players this season which still gives players a 2 to 1 ratio over fans	(38)
	Canadian cheaters' dating site upset that its Super Bowl ad was nixed: "I find the rejection to be ridiculous given that a huge percentage of the NFL's marketing content is for products like alcohol"	(21)
	How to have absolutely no fun at all at a Superbowl party	(189)
	Mr. Met beats out Phillie Phanatic to top Forbes' list of America's top sports mascots. Because that's way better than, you know, actually beating the Phillies	(62)
	43 reasons for Brits to watch the Super Bowl	(54)
	Arizona fans desecrate the Terrible Towel... what could possibly go wrong?	(143)
	Here's hoping the Cardinals don't have the same playbook they used back in '07. Otherwise this information might come in handy in a few days	(29)
	Pittsburgh won't hold a parade in the city if the Steelers win the Super Bowl, citing lack of funding in the budget. Do riots costs less than parades?	(85)
	Top 10 MLB prospects for 2009, also known as 10 guys who will be traded to the Marlins in the next five years. (Warning: Slideshow)	(70)
	University of Houston coach Tom Penders puts on the tinfoil hat and claims ESPN "doctored" footage of Aubrey Coleman. He can see the pixels	(36)

Wed January 28, 2009

	DirecTV snags exclusive U.S. broadcast rights for big-ticket cricket tournaments, will charge $300 for full season of great googly mooglies and sticky wickets	(18)
	Federal agents raid home of Barry Bonds' trainer's mother-in-law's father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate	(20)
(BrandFreak)	Franco Harris launches high-end furniture line called the "Immaculate Collection." Steeler fans too pumped up about this weekend to be embarrassed	(37)
	Bobby Bowden signs contract extension, ensuring his battle with Joe Paterno will continue long after we're all dead	(16)
(The Big Lead)	With 11 co-hosts, NBC's Super Bowl pre-game show will be more crowded than a free Ben & Jerry's giveaway at a fat girl convention	(55)
	Not even an unusually harsh winter can distract the citizens of St. Louis from hating on the Cubs (pic)	(67)
	Kobe Bryant has the #1 selling jersey in the NBA. Stephon Marbury shocked	(37)
	Former USC Quarterback Mark Sanchez, who could go #1 overall in the NFL Draft, hires his brother as his agent	(93)
	Most NASCAR drivers would be happy to have a contract with a Sprint Cup team... unless that team doesn't actually have a car	(23)
	Cavs player not named Lebron scores 43 points in a game. If you don't think this is news, you haven't been watching the Cavs the last 10 years	(21)
(Kissing Suzy Kolber)	Steelers kicker Jeff Reed, with absolutely ridiculous hair, goes out on the town and gets hammered with some of Tampa's finest blonde floozies (pics)	(134)
	And the latest pro athlete to make an asshat of himself on YouTube is	(18)
	Dump Gatorade on Mike Tomlin at your own risk	(29)
	Henrik Zetterberg on the verge of signing a 12-year NHL contract. The bad news is that he's gotta play half of those games in the city of Detroit	(53)
	Italian striker completes the spectrum of emotions, after his wonder goal is dissalowed, his team gets scored against and he is sent off all in the space of 15 seconds. Mayhem ensues	(46)
	The Utah Jazz is just like the Pittsburgh Steelers, minus the titles	(35)
	2K Sports releases MLB Front Office Manager featuring Athletics' GM Billy Beane. Early reviews: repetitive playoff gameplay, missing World Series level	(40)
	Buffalo drops two nickels on Edmonton, says keep the change	(34)
	Judge rules that cheerleading is a "contact sport". Yes please	(42)
	Worried his latest string of quality articles have raised his respectability, Bill Simmons quickly blows it up by calling Manny Ramirez "underrated"	(59)
(Some Guy)	New sign of brain damage in NFL. Which would explain Terrell Owens	(19)
	Remember when the Miami Heat traded O'Neal for Marion? Now they are thinking about trading Marion for O'Neal	(27)

Tue January 27, 2009

	Andy Roddick says Serena Williams can "bench press dump trucks" and do other things that only a man can do	(52)
	Telemundo reporter dresses as woman, steals show at Superbowl media day. With AY YI YI, NO ME GUSTA photo	(24)
	Mexicans are turning to voodoo to beat the United States in soccer	(56)
	One of the coolest buzzer beaters you will see today	(29)
	The Colorado Rockies lock in talented pitcher for four years as trade bait	(10)
	Super Bowl media coverage included Associated Press story on Tampa strip clubs, which has an eerie resemblance to the article the AP published in 2001 when Tampa also hosted the Super Bowl	(17)
	Carolina Panthers send $228 invoice to each PSL-holder who chose not to buy tickets to their teams' 33-13 beatdown by Arizona	(41)
	Who better to breakdown the Super Bowl than 2 Jewish guys who've never played football	(39)
(The Sporting Muse)	Forget the Super Bowl Shuffle. Arizona wide receiver, Larry Fitzgerald teamed up Eddy Grant for a new Super Bowl song	(28)
	White Sox to release Barack Obama-themed hat. Team officials say the hat will be high quality because they refuse to release crap -- including Paul Konerko	(29)
	Step on a guys face intentionally and high five your team mates afterwards? Only a 1 game suspension in basketball	(80)
	Now that Bill Bidwill's Arizona Cardinals have made it to the Super Bowl, title of "Worst Owner in Sports" goes to Peter Angelos of the Baltimore Orioles	(111)
(abc)	Woman offers to sell her body for trip to the Super Bowl. Namely, her forehead	(83)
	Why did the Tampa Bay Buccaneers fire head coach Jon Gruden? Because the fans wanted it. Woah, since when did the fans start running the team?	(19)
	Naked base-jumping now added to 2012 Olympics lineup	(15)
	Seattle Seahawks linebacker Leroy Hill apologizes for getting caught with marijuana, hopes it won't hurt his value as a free agent	(10)
	Jimmie Johnson undergoing hand surgery in order to survive the high-fives in victory lane this year	(11)
	T.O. to get a matchmaking reality show on VH1. His turn-ons include "me, me, me, and me"	(20)
	After Utah got screwed out of the BCS, Mountain West officials conclude that if you can't beat the system, try to join it	(86)
	Gottfried resigns from Alabama. When asked where he would go to work next he responded, "AFLAAAAC"	(11)
	Canada seeks to save us from the horrors of voluntary hockey violence	(29)
	GM of Red Wings to appeal suspensions, change sheets	(55)

Mon January 26, 2009

	With his celeb gossip media career in shambles, Pat O'Brien now under consideration for job at ESPN	(34)
	Men versus women soccer game in Iran leads to suspensions and fines for the officials involved. Hey, its progress, at least nobody was beheaded	(23)
	New York Yankees and Andy Pettite agree to one-year deal worth $5.5M	(62)
	David Beckham tries to impress football fans in Milan by speaking English in an Italian accent	(21)
	Unaware of the other teams in MLB, Zack Greinke signs four year deal with Kansas City Royals	(31)
(SBJ)	Three different TV networks expected to throw money at English Premier League in bidding war to televise games to U.S	(69)
(Some Guy)	Dick Beard is asking Floridians to act like normal human beings during the Super Bowl. In other news, there is a guy named Dick Beard	(37)
	Wake Forrest sucks ..... Not as catchy as "Duke sucks" but it is what it is	(49)
	Stephon Marbury steps away from the bong long enough to announce that the Celtics have expressed "a firm commitment" to signing him	(57)
	Liverpool's manager is complaining. Nope...this isnt' a repeat	(37)
	Joe Torre calls Brian Cashman to explain some of the things he documented in his book, ask for his CDs back	(54)
	NHL All-Star game, which turns into the usual high-scoring shootout, ends in a shootout	(66)
	Los Angeles Lakers forward Lamar Odom investigated for dunking three balls at once	(11)
	For those who are sustained on the tears of Giants fans, it's feeding time. (Not safe for work language)	(170)
(StubHub)	For sale: One Super Bowl ticket for a seat in the luxury suite at Raymond James Stadium. Priced to sell in these rough economic times at the low, low price of HOLY MOTHER OF CHRIST	(207)
	Despite firing their head coach over four months ago and still having a vacancy, the Oakland Raiders insist they have a plan and are executing it	(20)
	Kerry Collins told he'll be Tennessee Titans' starting QB in 2009 as Vince Young's stock continues to fall	(98)
	Canadian male ski jumpers told to stop getting fat, eat more like rail-thin Europeans in order to jump farther	(10)
	You can stop worrying about that girl's basketball coach who allowed his team to win 100 to nothing, he's been fired. From now on all games will be mandated to end in ties so nobody's snowflake will be upset	(175)