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Sun January 04, 2009
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing After saying the future of sportswriting isn't in newspapers, Jay Mariotti takes a job with AOL, which coincidentally, has no future in the internet (5)
(Toronto Star) Strange Maple Leafs credit abstinence for win... "We decided, as a team, it was good to have a little break for the groin." (17)
(WWL-TV) Amusing Sports reporter and qualified legal genius suggests that after Utah's win, a class-action lawsuit by non-BCS conferences against the NCAA and the TV networks might be in the offing (42)
(AP) Cool Falcons coach barely edges Dolphins coach for Coach of the Year honors, tee time (35)
(ESPN) Obvious Browns impressed by Mangini. Wow. Imagine if a GOOD coach had interviewed with them. Obvious tag, because, well, they're the Browns (35)
(YouTube) Amusing Good to see that if the NHL doesn't work out, Alexander Semin could have a career in bongo playing (36)
(IOL) Weird If you buy the computer game "Football Manager 2009", the manufacturer will give you a free aftershave made from grass, sweat, and boot leather (30)
(Boston Globe) Misc Red Sox sign the Bard to one-year deal. When reached for comment, he said: "Fenway's grounds are hallower than Petco - but to play's the thing" (13)
(ESPN) Cool Can the Ravens/Dolphins and Eagles/Vikings top yesterdays games? Your Sunday NFL Wildcard discussion thread (1850)
(YouTube) Strange NHL golden boy Sidney Crosby gets into a fight. By "fight", we mean that he jumped a guy who was unaware, but it's a step up in bravery from Sid punching a guy in the groin from behind (186)
(Some Guy) Obvious Pro sports teams gird for recession by hiking ticket prices and putting together winning teams that will attract paying fans, except for the Maple Leafs, who figure it's enough to just hike prices (6)
(MSNBC) Cool Peyton Manning now able to devote full time to making commercials as Bolts beat Colts in OT (131)
(The Wiz of Odds) Video USC linebacker Rey Maualuga leaves the Rose Bowl in style, encountering Erin Andrews along the way, much to the cheers of the Trojan faithful (62)
(ESPN) Asinine The Braves are one of three teams interested in aquiring Andruw Jones from the Dodgers. Submitter wishes they would try to bring back Hank Aaron instead. He would probably add more offense than Jones (11)
(Some Guy) Amusing The World Series of Beer Pong is underway in Las Vegas. "It's a game, because you can play drunk. Golf is the ultimate gray area" (14)

Sat January 03, 2009
(Free Press) Spiffy After originally committing to Michigan, then de-committing, then deciding to retire from football to play tennis, William Campbell has decided to once again attend Michigan (38)
(AP) Obvious Congressman says steroid use is still problem in pro wrestling. Obvious tag taps out (36)
(NHL) Cool NHL finally does something right: View any NHL game tonight for free (rare NHL trifecta in play) (39)
(TSN) Asinine NHL All-Star Game starting lineups revealed. Apparently the game is just going to be Pittsburgh/Montreal vs. Chicago/Anaheim. Asinine tag for the so-called "voting" system (68)
(ESPN) Scary With what sounds like one of the worst injuries ever, LaDanian Tomlinson has torn a tendon from his groin (43)
(CBS Sports) Spiffy NFL Wildcard Saturday: Falcons at Cardinals and Colts at Bolts. That is unless you're too caught up in the International Bowl (3262)
(The Earth Times) Obvious Qatari driver wins first stage of Dakar Rally, the latest real motor race to be ignored by American NASCAR fans (25)
(NJ.com) Obvious The Jets would be perfectly cool with Brett Favre deciding to retire (64)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Utah makes most convincing case yet for a college football playoff by dominating Alabama 31-17, finishing the season 13-0 (317)

Fri January 02, 2009
(London Times) Stupid Are you the coach of an underachieving team and need a quick excuse? Easy. Invent a conspiracy that convienently gives reasons for losing not only this year but the next as well (36)
(NHL) Dumbass NHL announces that the Blackhawks and Panthers will open next season in Prague. Seriously, the Panthers? (46)
(TechEBlog) Weird Japan unveils world's biggest bowling alley: 116 lanes (video) (20)
(Sporting News) Dumbass Simpson from the Buffalo Bills in trouble with the law. No this is not a repeat from 1995, 2007 (26)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Stupid Vikings Owner: Please give me $635 Million for my new football ball stadium, it will be a great economy stimulator (75)
(Daily Mail) Obvious David Beckham left gasping for breath and with brutally skinned knees after rigorous training session with Milan Synchronized Grass-Diving team (21)
(Yahoo) Cool Today's college football discussion thread. Three different bowl games, including the Sugar Bowl tonight. "What is a Ute?" (1334)
(ESPN) Dumbass Not News: Sportswriter bemoans the playoff drought of his favorite team. News: That team is the Yankees. Fark: He thinks the reason for the drought is because they haven't spent enough money (64)
(Yahoo) Obvious "By Big Ten standards, Penn State's two-touchdown loss here was a nail-biter. Pounding one of the purported powers from the Midwest has become as much a tradition here as the Tournament of Roses Parade" (115)
(ESPN) Cool Peyton Manning wins 3rd MVP award. Hopefully he could finally parlay this into some sort of commercial deal (116)
(IndyStar) Interesting How much have the 2008 Colts overcome so far this season? Well, for starters, 14 players and 1 coach had knee surgery in the off season. And that's just the tip of the iceberg (76)
(Telegraph) Dumbass YOU: red card may have for me. BUT I: HABE SWORD FOR YOU HA (21)
(Some Guy) Interesting Broncos interested in Stoops, apparently not worried about having to finish the year by winning some sort of bowl game (25)
(Sports by Brooks) Obvious Kardashians can't keep their hands off athletes. Kim has Reggie Bush, mom Kris has Bruce Jenner, now sis Khloe has T-Wolves' Rashad McCants (33)
(Awful Announcing) Fail News: FOX somehow manages to put Tim Tebow in the starting lineup of game he's not in. Fark: At Right Tackle (21)
(ESPN) Sad Home team loses important game at Wrigley Field on the big stage. This is not a repeat of the last 101 years (36)
(Some Guy) Florida Texas youth football teams travel 20 hours to battle Florida rivals, who don't bother to show up (15)
(ESPN) Interesting Stephon Marbury may go to Boston Celtics, just in time to give Bill Simmons a heart attack (36)
(ESPN) Strange How you can hit a home run and not touch home plate - and have it still count. This and other oddities from the world of baseball in 2008 (25)
(ESPN) Stupid To lure more media attention and test possibilities of new franchise, NHL may move its annual postseason awards ceremony from Toronto to Las Vegas (36)

Thu January 01, 2009
(MLB Trade Rumors) Dumbass Having not learned their lesson from the many years of Barry Bonds, the San Francisco Giants are quietly making a play to acquire prima donna Manny Ramirez (33)
(ESPN) Amusing Apparently ESPN is a bit confused about Terry Bowden's previous job (see first line of article) (25)
(ESPN) Video Robbie Maddison jumpps repplica Arc de Triomphe in Veggas. France surrenders (45)
(PFT) Obvious Big Tuna might Jet away from the Dolphins and could find himself flying with the Seahawks. Wherever he ends up, he'll ride into town like a Cowboy on a white Bronco (44)
(Fox Sports) Obvious Jets players heap praise on Brett Favre for his leadership, never give up attitude, and devotion to winning. Just kidding. They're saying he should have been benched and was antisocial and a distraction in the locker room (84)
(NHL) Cool Start the New Year off right with the 2009 NHL Winter Classic: Detroit Red Wings vs. Chicago Blackhawks, at the friendly confines of Wrigley Field (760)
(Yahoo) Cool Today's college football discussion thread. Five different bowl games for New Year's Day including the Granddaddy of Them All™. Go Fighting JoePa's go (1408)
(ESPN) Cool Unranked LSU defeats #14 Georgia Tech in the Chick-fil-A Bowl game, after Georgia Tech spends all week studying the Cowboys' illustrious "how to self destruct in ten seconds" playbook (71)
(SeattlePI) Amusing The 100 best sports images of the year. Yes, it is a slide show and yes they suck, but it contains a whole year's supply of PS contests, Fail pics, and WTF moments (warning 5 images not safe for work) (81)
(ESPN) Cool Commodores score third top 25 hit of the year. Lionel Richie unavailable for comment (15)

Wed December 31, 2008
(ESPN) Stupid And the first person to get canned for Dallas' 44-6, five turnover debacle is....the special teams coach? (24)
(PFT) Dumbass Running back who did not rush for the most yards among rookies, split carries all season, and is on a three loss team with a first round bye calls rookie of the year voting "bogus." Welcome to the NFL, rookie (34)
(Sports by Brooks) Spiffy Revealed: SI's 2009 Swimsuit Issue to feature two Russian tennis hotties not named Sharapova or Kournikova (with Not safe for work-ish pics) (22)
(NHL) Amusing LA Kings trade LaBarbera to the Canucks, soon to be known as the Cansucks (33)
(STLToday) Strange Despite only playing for the Cardinals, Dan Dierdorf to help select St. Louis Rams new coach (9)
(OSG Sports) Video It Was 20 Years Ago Today... 5 Goals 5 Different Ways (29)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Obvious Roethlisberger's concussion said to be "mild," douchebaggedness listed as "strong" (46)
(pft) Unlikely Browns want Mike Shanahan. Of all the Cleveland Browns in the world, they're the Cleveland Browniest (35)
(Yahoo) Amusing What do a greyhound racing track, a former landfill, an industrial park, a sod farm, and a golf course all have in common? They're all proposed sites for a new Tampa Bay Rays stadium. No, really (14)
(ESPN) Hero Cubs sign Aaron Miles, with rumored trade of DeRosa to the Indians for pitching prospects, which would put them back in contention for Jake Peavy. Jim Hendry, you sir are a genius (35)
(PFT) Cool Chad Pennington wins Comeback Player of the Year Award. Again (49)
(Fox Sports) Sad A sad day for Nascar. Petty enterprises to close up shop (46)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Stupid Pop quiz, hotshot: You get hurt playing a sport. Do you: A) play through the pain, B) put some ice on it, C) file a lawsuit. What do you do? What do you do? (104)
(Sign On San Diego) Sad Now here's a mayor who believes in his team: San Diego's Jerry Sanders bets a fish taco plate that the Chargers will beat the Colts (38)
(Baltimore Sun) Interesting How did Ravens defensive end Trevor Pryce sell his first script to Sony Pictures? "I Googled 'How to write a treatment', and it didn't seem too hard." (23)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Sports (details in thread) (94)
(Some Guy) Dumbass PGA to John Daly: Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son. Enjoy your six month suspension (21)
(SeattlePI) Obvious Maryland defeats Nevada 42-35 in the "No One Gives a Crap About This" Bowl (24)
(ESPN) Cool Final NFL Power Rankings for you to argue over. It's too bad there's not some ultimate and final game coming up that would determine who the real #1 team is (122)
(iWon) Stupid Missed the playoffs after going 1-4 down the stretch? You're fired, Mangini. Missed the playoffs after going 0-3 down the stretch? You're fired, Shanahan. Missed the playoffs after going 2-8 down the stretch? Welcome back, Jauron (38)
(ESPN) Followup Bill "The Chin-inator" Cowher, who originally decided not to take the Jets head coaching position and then decided to possibly take the position is now not going to take the position after all. Got all that? (26)
(AP) Sad Charles Barkley arrested on suspicion of drunk driving. Man, that's turrible (45)
(IndyStar) Spiffy Tony Dungy says Peyton Manning will win the MVP award later this week for filming another 450 commercials. He also won a ton of games on last minute drives with a bum knee or something (41)
(CBS Sports) Spiffy Oregon beats one of those OSU schools; maybe a couple of them if you believe the headlines (73)
(ESPN) Fail Uncomfortable traveling outside of their time zone, Celtics drop third of four on the west coast, now in all kinds of hurry to get back to the Leastern Conference (45)
(Sports by Brooks) Hero Once a year Dallas Mavericks courtside seat holders give up $235,000 worth of tickets to wounded American troops (16)
(YouTube) Video Let's...get...some goals (13)

Tue December 30, 2008
(Yahoo) Spiffy Atlanta Falcons QB Matt Ryan wins Offensive Rookie award. Ron Mexico unavailable for comment (53)
(ESPN) Dumbass Charlie Weis has knee replaced. No, not that knee, the other one (19)
(ESPN) Cool Cookie Monster is back -- Dikembe Mutombo has been signed as Yao Ming's backup in Houston (36)
(9 News) Dumbass Breaking: Shanahan fired in Denver. Headline from 2009: Shanahan hired in Detroit (378)
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing Last Sunday NFL instant replay cost Green Bay Packer Ryan Grant $1.35M in contract incentives. And yes, Ed Hochuli is somehow involved, Again (42)
(ESPN) Hero Cowher plans to coach in 2010, wants total control, and a satin chinrest on a marble gilded stand (100)
(CNN) Interesting After trailing the entire game, the sixth best team in the Big 12 decides to stop screwing around and just beat the third best Big 11 team with good defense (61)
(Yahoo) Dumbass After winning the Outland Trophy for best offensive or defensive lineman in the country, Alabama LT Andre Smith will miss the Sugar Bowl after violating team rules (42)
(Yahoo) Asinine The Top 10 NHL stories of 2008 comprise a balanced list of team achievments and memorable moments. Just kidding, the Top 3 are all Sidney Crosby, who was hurt half the year and didn't win a damn thing (150)
(Dallas News) Obvious Dallas Cowboys need to work on chemistry issues. In related news, Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis still struggling with political science, Cincinnati Bengals failing criminal justice (38)
(TMZ) Amusing Danica Patrick busted for speeding. Now, if she could only do that in a race car (68)
(Salon) Cool 2008 was an almost incomprehensible year for sports achievements: David Tyree's catch, Usain Bolt, Michael Phelps, the Redeem Team, and most amazing of all: a professional sports team based in Philadelphia won something (51)
(WPXI) Hero Pittsburgh Penguins Center and former runner-up to a russian for Rookie of the Year will become the youngest player in league history to play in 200 games tomorrow (36)
(Telegraph) Dumbass You're the Liverpool captain, you just scored 2 goals to beat Newcastle 5-1, what do you do to celebrate? If you said, attack a bar owner and knock his teeth out because you didn't like the music, collect your winnings (32)

Mon December 29, 2008
(Some Guy Who Thinks Duke Sucks) Obvious Big East takes eight of the top 25 spots in the latest college basketball poll. Suck it, every other conference in the country (74)
(Sports by Brooks) Fail NHL Washington Capitals Owner Ted Leonsis now demanding "apologies" from team's fans who sent him "nasty" emails. How did fans get the former AOL co-Founder's personal email? He gave it to them (16)
(ESPN) Asinine NFL to schedule Pro Bowl week before Super Bowl. In other news, face looking for a nose (66)
(Post-Gazette) Sad There are only three MLB teams linked to a possible signing of "relief" "pitcher" Derrick Turnbow. Click the link to find out if you're one of the unlucky three (26)
(USA Today) Followup So, Cleveland TOTALLY broke up with Romeo and then was like, "Hey Bill Cowher, we should hang out" and Cowher was all like "Psssh-yeah, as IF" (28)
(TSN) Interesting Lemieux to make a possible return to the NHL. Not that one, the other one nobody really cares about (16)
(Sports by Brooks) Misc If you'd like to remember SI swimsuit cover model Elle MacPherson in all her youthful, full-bodied glory, don't click this link (38)
(FanNation) Obvious Here comes the "Waah, only the teams with the best record should make the playoffs": a list of the best teams to miss the playoffs created solely because of the Patriots (100)
(Yahoo) Cool Eli Manning on his plans for the bye week: "my plans for Cabo fell through." Suck it, Tony Romo (72)
(Toronto Sun) Obvious Montreal Canadiens' former star Jean Beliveau hospitalized at age 77; doctors hopeful he'll be well enough to start for the Leafs by January (11)
(Sporting News) Amusing Larry Johnson wants out of Kansas city so that he can take his diaper-wearing, woman-beating skills elsewhere (20)
(NYPost) Dumbass Jets' scoreboard operators refused to show scores of the Ravens or Patriots games yesterday - except for the one time Jacksonville was leading. If only there was some way for them to refuse to allow Brett Favre to take the field (88)
(USA Today) Obvious And the circle of failure continues (45)
(ESPN) Obvious Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo? In the unemployment line (34)
(SLTrib) Sad You may not have thought it possible, but Shaquille O'Neal actually sucks even worse at running a charity than he does at shooting free throws (15)
(ESPN) Unlikely Auburn's Chizik, in making good on his promise to return to smash-mouth football, hires a no-huddle spread offensive coordinator (24)
(Sports by Brooks) Stupid Raiders fan ejected for being a Raiders fan (31)
(Fox Sports) Unlikely "Believe it or not, Detroit is viewed in league circles as a prime job" (33)
(Sky News) Dumbass World record set by footballer who was shown the red card three seconds into the match (65)
(BBC) Dumbass The Cincinnati Bengals go global, recruit Liverpool forward Steven Gerrard for next season (45)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Old & busted: Former Shea Stadium tenants NY Mets having a late season collapse and missing the post season. New hotness: Former Shea Stadium tenants NY Jets having a late season collapse and missing the post season (35)
(ESPN) Sad Bret Favre to have an MRI to determine whether next year he'll throw interceptions for the Jets or his church league (73)
(ESPN) Interesting On doctors' advice, Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis misses first game since 1979. Surgeon General considers issuing same warning for all Raiders fans (11)
(Dallas News) Obvious Dallas Cowboys remind everybody that it isn't whether you win or lose, it's how you lay the blame (80)
(Yahoo) Scary Just like their playoff hopes moments earlier, Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo collapses in the shower (64)
(Journal News (NY)) Fail Having gotten the whole playing-of-the-games unpleasantness out of the way, Jets prepare to scour Vassar, Bennington and Oberlin for their next can't-miss first-round draft pick (28)
(Yahoo) Amusing After missing three games with a sore elbow, Carmelo Anthony showed he was feeling better. Much, much better (6)
(Boston Herald) Stupid Yankees may have won the free agent battle but Red Sox win the free agent war. Sign Brad Penny (34)
(Some Guy) Fail Eagles and Cowboys fans really suck at high-fives. Bonus: video of Eagles owner slapping his wife (22)
(Denver Post) Fail Jay Cutler remains perfect in postseason aspirations (77)
(Yahoo) Obvious The Steelers finally figure out that if Big Ben is taken out of service, they might actually start scoring (29)
(AJC) Obvious Investigation finds huge gap in athlete's SAT scores. To the Romeromobile (28)
(BBC) Dumbass Not News: Soccer player ejected from game. News: For slapping another player. Fark: His teammate (12)

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