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Sun December 07, 2008
(ESPN) Asinine You go undefeated through the regular season and ranked in the top 10 in the BCS. What does that get you? A trip to the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl (94)
(Palm Beach Post) Sad Dan Marino's father crosses the plane of the afterlife (7)
(Telegraph) Amusing Viral Australian ad campaign taunts Aussies about 2012 British Olympics: "You haven't got what it takes ... the only gold you will be picking up is from a chocolate wrapper." Even though it's true (link to vid) (5)
(ESPN) Spiffy Michelle Wie gets her LPGA tour card after 7th place finish at qualifying and may actually try and play in a couple of women's events this year (13)
(The Sporting Blog) Amusing Viking player exposed -- literally -- on live TV. Prepare to feel inadequate (67)
(Yahoo) Sad 0-13 (47)
(ESPN) Interesting Cleveland Browns eye Marty Schottenheimer for head coaching job. This is not a repeat from 1984 (29)
(NJ.com) Dumbass NY Jets' Laveranues Coles feels Brett Favre gets too much credit for the team's success this season. Excuse me, what was the Jets record again last year? (24)
(St. Petersburg Times) Interesting Off-duty firefighter saves man from choking. Chicago Cubs said to be very interested (8)
(Bitten and Bound) Scary Kevin Costner signs one-year deal with NASCAR. To sing. In public (21)
(Yahoo) Interesting Can the surprising Falcons tame the Saints? Will the Eagles derail the mighty Giants? Or will all eyes be on Cowboys vs Steelers? All this and some other minor games in NFL Week 14 (1347)
(NYPost) Followup The New York Giants might break at least one offensive record this year: most concealed weapons (20)
(ESPN) Interesting Eight is Enough: De La Hoya throws in the towel before the 9th round (59)
(Seattle Times) Fail Washington wraps up their winless season with a loss. They are the nation's only winless school and the first 0-12 team in conference history (50)

Sat December 06, 2008
(ESPN) Florida Tebow of Nazareth performs miracle with first come-from-behind win in collegiate career (139)
(Yahoo) Spiffy If your basketball team is ranked No. 4, avoid playing Michigan. Wolverines make Duke their second ranked victim of the season. Duke Sucks (36)
(Comcast News) Obvious Amanda Beard wants you and the tabloids to leave Michael Phelps alone. "I know it feels good for him to let loose and drink and to have ladies underneath his arms. It's good for him" (25)
(ESPN) Fail Not news: Connecticut quarterback has 75 percent completion rate. Fark: To the opposing team (22)
(Sports by Brooks) Fail Arena Football League has no commissioner or 2009 schedule. AFL player: "We're supposed to find out sometime whether we're even going to have a league anymore" (13)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Prosecutors say that they offered OJ Simpson a plea deal that would have given him far less jail time than he got, but he wanted "something just short of a public apology" (39)
(CBS Sports) Spiffy Kansas Jayhawks headed to second consecutive bowl game for the first time in their history. Spiffy tag standing in for nonexistent "Rock Chalk" tag (31)
(Toronto Star) Unlikely American explains NFL football to Canadians: "Football is actually a cerebral pursuit. A few might even go so far as to say it's the most intellectual sport on the planet" (90)
(Orlando Sentinel) Obvious "To Alabama, Florida is the bratty kid who believes SEC football started in 1990. To Florida, Alabama is the annoying old guy who lectures you on how much better things used to be when Bear Bryant stalked the sidelines" (71)
(Some Guy) Obvious Boxing fans in Ireland bemoan the lack of great Irish heavyweights, even when you take into account that 'Irish' is code for 'white' in the sport (22)
(Some Guy) PSA Philippine military will suspend operations for duration of De La Hoya-Pacquiao fight. So if you ever wanted to invade the Philippines, now's your chance (22)
(Yahoo) Cool Today's college football discussion thread. Three different conference championship games, and the only game that really matters, Army-Navy. Go Army, beat Navy (1297)
(Sporting News) Interesting He's a MAN, he's FORTY, and he just got his pay doubled (23)
(New York Daily News) Silly Jets DE Shaun Ellis says he's ready to "face the music" after his pot arrest, as long as it's something mellow, like maybe some Marley or Mingus (10)
(BBC) Cool Arsenal v Wigan, Blackburn v Liverpool, Bolton v Chelsea and Man Utd v Sunderland. Who needs anything to do on a Saturday anyways? (117)
(Yahoo) Video Your wait to see a ball carrier tackled by his dreadlocks is over (37)
(YouTube) Dumbass Celtic forward Glen "Big Baby" Davis lives up to his nickname; tiny tears and all (27)
(CNN) Spiffy Buffalo turns Ball State blue (41)

Fri December 05, 2008
(CNN) Amusing Shoot hoops, not guns: College basketball's most overlooked stories (6)
(ESPN) Spiffy Wie coming from behind. Which sounds more exciting than it actually is (10)
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing Nude model takes job as Los Angeles Lakers scout. Then goes back to nude modeling. (with semi-Not safe for work pics) (11)
(Yahoo) Sad Greg Maddux, the best non-juiced pitcher of his generation, to announce retirement Monday (63)
(CNN) Unlikely SI.com columnist says Mariners have shot at the division next year. Subby rushing off to Vegas to take up eleventy-billion-to-one odds (21)
(The Garlic) Satire Top Ten Cloves: Ways NFL Will Tweak Rules In Wake of Plaxico Burress Shooting (19)
(Sports by Brooks) Asinine Message for the South Africa National Cricket team:1962 called, they want their team back (11)
(Google) Followup After embarrassing himself, his family, and his country, and standing naked before God wearing only the putrid stench of utter, titanic failure, Barry Melrose crawls back to ESPN with nothing to his name but a mullet and a tube of chapstick (28)
(Seattle Times) Spiffy In an attempt to woo A-Rod back, Seattle to allow strip club to open next door to Safeco Field (20)
(NJ.com) Cool Louisville went to New Jersey and left with a blowout loss and one nappy dreadlock (35)
(Examiner) Interesting A preview of the Detroit Lions vs the Minnesota Vikings. Will this be the one the Lions win? Well, no (44)
(The New York Times) Followup NYPD only learned of the Plaxident when they saw it "scrolling along on ESPN." (28)
(Starpulse) Unlikely It's a sad day for Bill Simmons as news leaks that Tom Brady is planning to marry Gisele Bundchen this March (34)
(Boston Herald) Spiffy The NE Patriots have learned that if you stand front of a mirror and say "Junior Seau, Junior Seau, Junior Seau", he will suddenly appear and rejoin your team (47)
(Dallas News) Interesting Barber a game-time decision for Dallas Cowboys. Manicurist doubtful, gynecologist probable  T-Shirt (24)
(Washington Post) Interesting Finally, the BCS picture has cleared up. Unless, of course, Missouri beats Oklahoma, plunging it back into a wretched hive of scum and villanry (57)
(NYPost) Obvious In a revelation that will surely shock everyone, bartender says Plaxico Burress was acting like a jerk before he shot himself. "Burress was an ass." (118)
(eBay) Weird The perfect gift for that Red Sox fan you love (or hate?) (25)
(Dallas News) Interesting Emmitt Smith says the current Cowboys aren't nearly as awesome as they were when he was playing, and their hookers during away games are just plain fugly (46)
(LA Times) Obvious Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson says his team could win 70 games this season if it weren't for all that travel and scheduling crap (15)
(Telegraph) Amusing Arsenal are the big whiners of Euro 2008 (13)
(Some Guy) Obvious Honda pulls out of F1 on news that it's not smart to waste millions of dollars in today's economy (42)
(YouTube) Hero Calgary Hitmen fans cover the ice with teddy bears for charity. Cooler than it sounds (53)
(Major League Baseball) Interesting Big Unit may be headed to San Francisco. Fabulous (24)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Asinine Councilman trying to change law so Orioles fans can shout "O" during national anthem. Yeah, who cares about the drug and murder problem? (115)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass NY Jets deny that they will trade team captain Shaun Ellis to the Cincinnati Bengals for speeding past a police car while in possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia because it's not like he shot anyone or anything (24)
(king 5) Ironic Matt Hasselbeck to group of school children: "Girls can play in the NFL. Ben Roethlisberger plays for the Steelers, right?" In related news, Seahawks' panties still bunched after Super Bowl XL (90)
(Google) Amusing Fan reaction to first NFL game broadcast in 3-D: "More cheerleaders" (28)
(TBO) Spiffy "Tebow's Promise" may soon find itself next to Babe Ruth calling his home run shot, Paul Bunyan (47)

Thu December 04, 2008
(ESPN) Misc F*ds dr*p f**r ch*rg*s *g**nst B*rry B*nds (23)
(Yahoo) Interesting A-Rod is switching teams this winter. Jeter inconsolable (24)
(ESPN) Sad Former Wake Forest star Rodney Rogers paralyzed after an ATV accident (43)
(Boston Herald) Obvious High school football team surprised that other teams have a problem with their ineligible 5th-year-player (12)
(CNN) Amusing The Knicks are the most valuable NBA franchise, worth $613 million or $26.6 million per win last year (14)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Texas Tech DB arrested for dealing cocaine, instantly drawing attention of scouts from Cincinnati (13)
(CBS Austin) Amusing Small plane flies Texas campus with banner reading, "Mack Brown, quit whining" (83)
(Major League Baseball) Dumbass San Francisco Giants decide their bullpen wasn't giving up enough home runs (22)
(ESPN) Obvious Another indicator that the SEC is the most dominant conference in NCAA football: Nine SEC players earn AFCA All-America honors (56)
(WGAL 8) Interesting The "new" formation that's all the rage in the NFL was actually invented 102 years ago by Pop Warner, that's right, Kurt Warner's dad (60)
(ESPN) Interesting Meyer vs. Saban. It's the SEC's coaching version of Ali vs. Frazier, Magic vs. Bird and Nicklaus vs. Palmer (39)
(ESPN) Amusing Packers coach sets high standard for new punter: "I want him to kick the ball in the right direction" (18)
(Some Guy) Fail David Stern would like you to think that the NBA isn't having attendance problems. These pictures would suggest otherwise (130)
(AwfulAnnouncing) Dumbass If you watch sports, you know that Gatorade was created by the University of Florida. Apparently, ABC nor ESPN watch sports, because they credit its creation to FSU (51)
(STLToday) Cool St. Louis Cardinals acquire slick-fielding shortstop from San Diego Padres. No, this is not a repeat from 1982 (50)
(BSU|DN) Obvious How do you keep a 12-0 football coach? Something tells submitter"'ongoing negotiations" means "I'm getting the fark out of this hell hole" (25)
(Orlando Sentinel) Interesting Ten ways college football would be different today if Tim Tebow had gone to Alabama (43)
(bigtennetwork.com) Obvious Dominance aboUnds as waKe forEst beatS Up on indiana, Carolina Kills michigan State as acc wins tenth straight acc-big10 challenge (32)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Free Plaxico Burress. NYC's gun laws are ridiculous and unconstitutional (633)
(NYPost) Amusing Mets interested in Putz for bullpen. Because if there's one thing the Mets bullpen needs, it's one more Putz (28)
(FanNation) Interesting Wes Welker has no problem with the nasty hit that knocked him out of the Steelers game, says it's part of the game and that he really likes chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie (36)
(BBC) Obvious In today's English Premier League news, Roy not so Keane on Sunderland any more (43)
(Some Guy) Interesting Boston Red Sox fan convicted of battery for beating up a fan in Angel stadium who bopped him on the head with a balloon 'thunderstick' while chanting "Boston sucks." Faces three years of PMITA inflatable thundersticks (142)
(CNN) Amusing Ball State has no balls, refuses to play Boise State on Boise State's home field (100)
(Sports by Brooks) Fail San Diego State hires search firm for six figures to find new football coach. Company claims responsibility for Kelvin Sampson's Indiana hire on its testimonial web page (16)
(ESPN) Interesting Before you go on ripping Donovan McNabb for his lack of rules knowledge, test yours against some current NFL players (69)
(Toronto Star) Scary Deepening recession + lack of decent American TV contract + falling CDN dollar + seven Sun Belt franchises = NHL in big trouble (58)
(Yahoo) Video College player makes insane game-winning shot (25)
(Some Guy) Scary Fan decides to show his support for the Ottawa Senators by falling faster than the team in the standings (19)
(ESPN) Spiffy That's how it works. You give them the right to vote, then they're attending classes at the Citadel, and then they're bowling in men's tourneys. WHEN WILL IT END? (29)

Wed December 03, 2008
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing Univ. of Montana football fan tradition has fans tossing twinkies around stands (and to players) after every touchdown. Charlie Weis suddenly somber over next year's commit to Notre Dame (17)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting Suspended Vikings players seek restraining order so they can play in game against Lions on Sunday. Legal experts intrigued by case, someone's desire to get into Detroit (39)
(Yahoo) Interesting If you had Sam Mitchell in the next-NBA-coach-to-be-fired pool, step up and collect your prize (17)
(USA Today) Amusing Georgia Tech accepts bid to Chick-fil-A Bowl (52)
(Honolulu Advertiser) Cool Michelle Wie opens with a 69 in a 90 hole qualifying tournament. Giggity (24)
(CNN) Strange One of the worst photoshops ever shows up on the cover of SI's Sportsman of the Year in the person of Michael Phelps (54)
(AJC) Fail Tommy Tubberville is the latest victim of the "spread" offense (153)
(Sports by Brooks) Cool NBA confirms at least one Transformer was made in China (with pics) (17)
(FanNation) Stupid There are bad flops in soccer, but this might be the worst ever (33)
(TSN) Obvious Raptors coach Mitchell completes 2008 Toronto coach firing trifecta (12)
(SeattlePI) Interesting Ken Griffey Jr. back on the Mariners' DL? It's more likely than you think (20)
(Charleston Gazette) Amusing West Virginia will violate NCAA rules by wearing white at home this weekend, but since they aren't USC no one cares (25)
(YouTube) Cool Division-III basketball player makes his case to go pro with one of the most acrobatic scores you will ever see (23)
(YouTube) Amusing In light of Sean Avery's suspension, here's a flashback to when NHLers were actually allowed to talk trash. Not safe for work language (38)
(ESPN) Hero Former three-time All-American Wayman Tisdale faces recovery from cancer and loss of leg with huge smile. Coach Knight frowns and says he still can't play defense (12)
(Some Guy) Obvious The University of Tennessee just hired Lane Kiffin as their head coach for $2 million a year. Which, coincidentally, is the exact amount the school will cut student heating costs by this winter (18)
(NHL) Amusing The Carolina Hurricanes name Paul Maurice to replace coach Peter Laviolette - who had been brought in to replace coach Paul Maurice (19)
(Broadcasting and CAble) Interesting HBO planning a sports comedy show, vows to shoot Robert Wuhl if he even thinks about sending in his resume (29)
(ESPN) Interesting Notre Dame decides against getting an abdominoplasty (29)
(LA Times) Followup USC and UCLA will both wear home colors on Saturday....And props to Neuhiesel for classy move (51)
(USA Today) Strange Thursday's Raiders-Chargers game will be shown in 3-D in Hollywood, Boston and New York City. Everywhere else, it'll simply be Dreck and Dull (12)
(ESPN) Cool Red Sox lock up The Little Engine That Could for 6 more years. Duke sucks (45)
(Some Puck Bunny) Dumbass When you've won only three of your last twelve games, maybe it's not a good idea to get wasted and grab each others' balls in a bar full of people with cameras (18)
(Yahoo) Amusing Denver Nuggets improve to 12-3 since acquiring Chauncey Billups by beating the holy hell out of the Toronto Raptors, 132-93 (27)
(London Times) Obvious English Cricket players demand commando protection for the rest of their India tour. Given recent performances, subby suggests that the English Rugby team look into this as well (4)
(Delco Times) Spiffy Donovan McNabb didn't know twins were possible (18)
(SFGate) Spiffy The coolest pics of dudes surfing giant waves at Maverick's you'll see today (98)
(My Fox NY) Obvious Baseball team that's never turned a profit offers stock sale (7)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Philadelphia Flyers win thanks to a glove save. Note: A slightly different glove save (31)
(Yahoo) Amusing Jim Mora, fired as Atlanta Falcons head coach for openly saying he'd leave if the University of Washington head coach position was open, may bolt the Seahawks because the position is now open (25)
(Miami Herald) Hero "Tebow did everything Saturday except stop the rain, play the clarinet at halftime and write a headline for this column." (71)
(Google) Spiffy Sharks match best start in NHL history through 25 games (1943 Canadiens) (54)
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing Pete Rose: "His stylist adjusted, reworked and gelled the six hairs left on top of his head into something that looked like careful camouflage of the scalp ... for hundreds of dollars" (with accompanying, regrettable pic) (32)
(Free Press) Interesting After missing the NCAA tourney for the past thirteen seasons, the Michigan Wolverines might actually do it this time. Chris Webber calls a timeout to reflect on this news (12)
(Sports by Brooks) Dumbass Brandon Jacobs completes NY Giants' gunplay trifecta to media: "Listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth, if you come in between that door frame of my home, I am going to kill you. Hands down." (45)
(NHL) Followup NHL to Sean Avery: "STFU" (99)

Tue December 02, 2008
(Sports by Brooks) Interesting Report: Mike Bellotti stepping down as Oregon Ducks football coach (22)
(MSNBC) Asinine NFL suspends 6 players for taking water pills. Vikings fans seen loading up the longships and preparing a raid of Roger Goodell's home (46)
(TSN) Amusing Sean Avery: "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight." (91)
(ESPN) Followup Brady Quinn decides to have courageous finger surgery. Courageously (22)
(Sports by Brooks) Interesting It turns out Plaxico Burress wasn't the only Giants WR with a gun incident recently (20)
(ESPN) Amusing Pac Man to have multi-purpose role in game against Steelers. This of course means he will play cornerback, return punts, and then get drunk and throw beer bottles at Ben Rothlisberger (17)
(Some Guy) Obvious In honor of Rickey Henderson being named among the new candidates for the Hall of Fame, here are the 25 best stories of "Rickey being Rickey." Including the time he framed a million dollar check rather than depositing it in a bank (91)
(Slate) Weird For no apparent reason, here's an extraordinarily detailed analysis of sportswriter Rick Reilly's penchant for making tooth jokes (10)
(23/6) Followup Plaxident (PLAX *i*dent), noun: An act of stupidity that costs you $35 million (50)
(Buffalo News) Fail If you're going to go up to a former NFL player outside a bar and ask for his autograph, make sure it's actually a former NFL player, and not some random thug (16)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Actual headline "Ronaldo beats off Messi and Torres to scoop Ballon d'Or" (37)
(CBS 46) Fail Sam Torrance tackles a tree, Kevin Mitchell chips his tooth on a donut, and other bizarre off-field injuries (19)
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing USC to wear home jerseys at UCLA Saturday. Move breaks NCAA rule and will cost Trojans one timeout per half. Think they'd do that if UCLA was10-1 instead of its current 4-7? (55)
(ESPN) Amusing New movie about former QB Ryan Leaf to be shown for free in San Diego. Is expected to be 82 minutes of yelling and harassing the audience (22)
(Yahoo) Stupid Cincinnati Reds manager Dusty Baker, who once managed pitcher Kerry Wood, would like to see Wood on the Reds' disabled list (10)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Watching the game on ITV just isn't the same as seeing it live. For example, you can't grab a pitchside microphone and pass it around the crowd, chanting 'ITV are farking shiat' (35)
(Yahoo) Amusing Penn State's Nittany Lion busted for DUI. Stanford Tree laughs, downs another shot of tequila (24)
(CNN) Spiffy In a stunning upset, Michael Phelps beats out Barrack Obama for Sports Illustrated's Sportsman of the Year (40)
(Boston Globe) Silly Red Sox fans can now be buried in an officially licensed Red Sox casket. Caskets are overpriced, have a crappy view, smell like pee, and repeat a recording of a drunk Bostonian yelling "Yankees suck" (27)
(My Fox Phoenix) Obvious Notre Dame is looking to cut the "fat" from its budget... and by "fat" they mean a certain head coach who has gone 9-15 over the last two seasons (52)
(Yahoo) Sad The Houston Comets, the first WNBA dynasty, is disbanding due to lack of owners. Fan mourns (88)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sad NHL Legend dies in snowmobile accident. No, not that one. Not that one either (37)
(NJ.com) Obvious Yankees decline to offer arbitration to any of their free agents, clearing cap space to sign LeBron James in 2010 (28)

Mon December 01, 2008
(Chicago Tribune) Followup Three new masochists join in bidding for Chicago Cubs franchise (17)
(Charlotte) Obvious Bobcat fever hits Charlotte. Just kidding, their local TV ratings have sunk to NBA-worst 0.4 (51)
(New York Daily News) Fail Operation to remove malignant tumor from the New York Knicks is unsuccessful (66)
(Sports by Brooks) Stupid For $149, company offering test that it claims can predict a child's natural athletic strengths via DNA study. Detroit Lions soon to score volume discount (12)
(ESPN) Asinine Mike Hampton signs a new deal with the Astros. Promises to play atleast 3 games before getting injured (24)
(Sports by Brooks) Followup Woman who had anonymous sex in Metrodome bathroom stall at football game now claims she was drugged before encounter (with new, unfortunate pic) (49)
(Major League Baseball) Interesting The 2009 Baseball Hall of Fame ballot has been announced, featuring Rickey Henderson and a bunch of guys who won't get in (161)
(Yahoo) Interesting Swedes shoot 63 to win World Cup of Golf. Muslim extremists in Mumbai laugh and call them amateurs (22)
(The MMA Post) Amusing So where does disgraced MMA fighter Kimbo Slice go after his loss to UFC castout Seth Petruzelli? To Japan, to fight the reigning heavyweight K-1 kickboxing champ, of course (33)
(Cleveland) Obvious Cleveland Browns await MRI results on Winslow and Anderson to determine seriousness of their injuries, EEG results on Crennel to see if there are any signs of brain activity (23)
(TSN) Interesting Actual Headline: "Calgary to Host National Women's Midget Championship." I have no idea what they are competing in, but I'm booking my tickets (12)
(TheLostOgle.com) Amusing Photos of Blake Griffin, quite possibly the best player in college basketball, dressed in drag (20)
(ESPN) Scary QB shatters hand in first half, finishes game, then has surgery the next day to insert 17 pins and 2 plates to repair 9 breaks in 2 fingers (32)
(NYPost) Obvious NYC traffic officials report delays around Madison Square Garden due to several Knicks' being thrown under buses (12)
(Some Canadien, Eh) Fail The top 10 FAILtastic goals of all-time (48)
(BBC) Obvious Todays' Premiership news: Chelsea manager and good sport Luiz Felipe Scolari furious after 2-1 loss to Arsenal, wants ref to apologise. In other news, subby wants Halle Berry for dirty weekend, but knows what neither one of us will get (45)
(Yahoo) Interesting Buffalo Bills QB Trent Edwards leaves game at halftime with mysterious "groin injury", which was probably just a euphemism for "he's playing like a soiled jock strap" (34)
(ESPN) Cool Yabbo Dabo Do (20)
(Yahoo) Followup Plaxico Burress's lawyer says that he will arrest himself and turn himself over to his local police department after accidentally shooting himself in his leg on Friday after discovering himself trying to break into his own house (87)
(IndyStar) Cool Rumors of an all BSU bowl between Boise State and Ball State surge. ESPN ticker explodes (104)
(Yahoo) Spiffy St Louis Blues Keith Tkachuk hits 1000 point milestone (29)
(YouTube) Video Pittsburgh's Ryan Clark lays a monster hit on New England's Wes Welker. It hurts just to watch (227)
(Denver Post) Cool You really don't have to pay for lift tickets to ski Breckenridge, unless you're a wimp (14)

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