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Sun September 14, 2008
(Major League Baseball) Obvious Carl Pavano leaves Yankees' game due to injury. Obvious tag fails to adequately express the likelihood of this event (5)
(Boston Globe) Cool 2-0* (* = without Tom Brady) (37)
(ESPN) Cool Zambranowned (151)
(ESPN) Obvious Mets' bullpen rolls over like a five-dollar hooker as Atlanta puts up 5 in the ninth for the win (33)
(ESPN) Interesting Good: Guy buys Honus Wagner card for $1,800 at estate auction. Bad: Gets jerked around by eBay and appraiser. Fark: Is about to sell it for $850,000, but loses sale due to internet flame war (28)
(AP) Obvious McCain to give the ol' "Gentleman, start your engines" at today's NASCAR race. Obama decries continuation of another 300 laps of a failed Busch Policy (46)
(NESW Sports) Amusing EA Sports' NCAA Football 2008 has a glitch that causes Charlie Weis to fall down over and over again on the sideline (with video) (29)
(Sports by Brooks) Dumbass Ohio State fan pays $180 to park his car before yesterday's game. For $180 I would expect to be able to park on the field next to Snoop Dogg (20)
(Sports by Brooks) Stupid Al Davis ready to make Lane Kiffin walk the plank, name FDR as new head coach (26)
(BBC) Cool Who cares about week whatever in the American Armoured Wankball League? Let's give it up for today's World Black Pudding Throwing Championship (pic) (22)
(The Earth Times) Interesting German Sebastian Vettel wins Italian Grand Prix, becomes youngest Formula 1 winner in history. He wasn't even born the last time one driver passed another in this series (26)
(Some Guy) Cool It's Week Two of the NFL season - what could possibly go wrong? (1881)
(Pro Football Talk) Followup Vince Young apparently has a reputation for asking not to play in football games, likes cheese with his whine (41)
(Miami Herald) Interesting NFL fans have become so obnoxious that they wish for bad things to happen to Miami Dolphins players, things even worse than playing for the Miami Dolphins (13)
(AP) Asinine Iran's wheelchair basketball team forfeits and withdraws from the Paralympics rather than have to play a game against Israel. Because that's just how they roll (20)
(Major League Baseball) Cool Cy Lincecum (40)
(ESPN) Obvious Arizona State loses to UNLV in overtime, making the Mountain West 4-0 against the mighty Pac-10 this weekend (56)
(ESPN) Amusing Auburn beats Mississippi State 3-2. This is not a baseball link (30)
(Some Guy) Obvious The rest of the Pac-10 may suck like Duke, but as long as Pete Carroll's at USC, the Trojans will dominate (36)
(Some Guy) Fail Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis tears ACL and MCL, eats subaru (27)
(Major League Baseball) Followup Astros to host Cubs... at Wrigley North (51)

Sat September 13, 2008
(ESPN) Spiffy There are now 375 reasons for you to stay off JoePa's lawn (11)
(ESPN) Fail UCLA, fresh off an overtime victory against Tennessee, pulls off a stunning repeat performance against BYU. Nah, just kidding, they get whitewashed 59-0 (50)
(Yahoo) Amusing Michigan, clearly pregnant with fail, now losing enough for two (55)
(Yahoo) Cool College football discussion thread, part 2; Ohio State vs. USC (1373)
(ESPN) PSA Ravens and Texans can't play this week due to Hurricane Ike, messing up fantasy leagues everywhere. Let's face it, if you have anyone on these 2 teams, you're probably not going to win anyway (49)
(Some Guy) Interesting A-Rod scratched due to having a stiffy. Madonna on her way over (6)
(Buffalo News) Hero Bills fan drops $100,000 check to food bank to see if Bills owner would keep promise about "matching" gifts. Owner says "bring it on, no cap here" (133)
(Some Guy) Amusing Tired of losing arguments when discussing college football? Try this handy new flowchart (22)
(ESPN) Amusing Hyman growing weary over 'Cocks repeated beatings (13)
(Telegram) Cool Man finds magic golf ball lying in woods, immediately shoots hole in one on par 4 (15)
(BBC) Fail Manchester United continue their premiership clown act, score two goals in 2-1 loss to Liverpool. You're doing it wrong (27)
(The Tennessean) Followup Vince Young mentioned suicide to psychologist before Titans called police on Monday (39)
(Philly) Dumbass Washington Nationals farmhand charged with hitting a home run in the minors (8)
(Some Guy) Sad Training camp hasn't even begun, and already Maple Leafs are warning their fans the only thing the team has a chance to win this year is first pick in 2009 entry draft (12)
(AP) Obvious Oklahoma City Thunder season tickets sell out in five days, but you can get on a waiting list. Suck it, Seatlle (33)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Today's college football discussion thread. The game of the week will be preceded by another great game. Oh wait, this isn't the 1940's, forget about that (1483)
(BBC) Cool It's your weekly Premier League thread, with some unknown teams from Liverpool and Man U or something like that going at it (20)
(Boston Channel) Obvious Don't call it a comeback. Flutie Flakes have been here for years (25)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Oh the horror. Hurricane Ike is wreaking havoc on the Major League Baseball schedule (21)
(ESPN) Florida Mark Mangino, living exclusively on a diet of cupcakes, has an upset stomach after trying to eat a herd of bulls (52)

Fri September 12, 2008
(Yahoo) Amusing "Okay, does *anybody* here have any previous place-kicking experience? Anybody?" (39)
(Some Guy) Hero Montreal Canadiens announce that Patrick Roy's #33 will be retired (34)
(FanNation) Obvious Turns out the entire country is rooting for the Buckeyes to not only lose, but to get humiliated (78)
(Yahoo) Interesting NASCAR decides not to punish reigning Truck Series champion Ron Hornaday for admitted steroid use because they can't see how it could have possibly helped his performance on the track (32)
(NBC 11) Dumbass 'This is the National F***ing Football League' One of the greatest quotes from one of the greatest coach meltdowns ever. And best part is we are only in week two (Video too) (46)
(ESPN) Stupid Bill Simmons makes 17 predictions and one of them immediately comes true: "this probably won't work" (85)
(Macon.com) Scary Lightning strikes a football field in Georgia during a junior high school game injuring twelve, proving that the SEC is the best conference in football (31)
(ESPN) Obvious "ESPN has been so successful at building a better fantrap that viewers who look to sports for escape now often tell me they need to escape ESPN to enjoy sports." Source: ESPN.com (91)
(Toronto Star) Amusing Leaf fans jumping off the bandwagon, which should be easy since it hasn't moved since 1967 (42)
(ESPN) Spiffy With their win last night the Royals only need one more victory to avoid their first season in four years with 100 or more losses (23)
(ESPN) Followup FSU says the NCAA has found no new allegations of academic cheating, says they're doing just fine with the existing cheating (16)
(buzzpirates.com) Amusing Tom Brady's Fantasy Office Team in Trouble Because of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome Injury (16)
(ESPN) Spiffy The five best rivalries in the NFL: Pats-Colts takes the top spot, with the Eagles versus some team of overrated, egotistical asshats in silver coming in second (109)
(IndyStar) Interesting Study measures how often colleges bend their admissions requirements for football players. How does your school stack up? (93)
(Asbury Park Press) Obvious Old & busted: September playoff push for the Yankees final homestand. New hotness: Probable elimination from post-season during final games at Yankee Stadium (22)
(Philly) Amusing Terrell Owens still can't get over how incredibly awesome he is (95)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Francisco Rodriguez ties MLB saves record with his 57th save, sets record for most overblown victory celebrations in a season (49)
(Sports by Brooks) Interesting Notre Dame to dedicate Lou Holtz statue on Saturday. And with Michigan & the Irish playing, there'll be stiffs both outside and inside the stadium (25)

Thu September 11, 2008
(International Herald Tribune) Amusing Tony Romo stops to help change a flat tire. Immediately fumbles lug nut, scrambles to the curb only to be run over by a car driven by Jordan Babineaux (63)
(ESPN) Scary Steinbrenner outlines plan to buy next year's World Series (57)
(AP) Interesting Apparently Americas favorite pastime was invented in England (110)
(Marketwatch) Florida Gator and Seminole fans demand apology from Fox Sports after being named most obnoxious in the nation, but all agree they were half-right (217)
(FanNation) Interesting Peter King's Week 2 NFL picks, including the Raiders over the Chiefs in the battle of the bad, and the Patriots over the Jets, this pick no doubt typed through a waterfall of tears (73)
(ESPN) Followup Ohio State loss to USC downgraded to blowout (73)
(Spike) Cool UFC fighter who is fightin the big fight in the sky had a pretty cool blog (27)
(AZCentral) Amusing The Phoenix Cardinals can't sell enough home game tickets to prevent a TV blackout. NFL to the rescue (77)
(IndyStar) Followup Colts defensive tackle Ed Johnson will have plenty of time to get high and giggle at SpongeBob now that he's been cut (26)
(Albany Times Union) PSA Judge tosses indictments in NFL/MLB/wrestling steroids investigation (30)
(ESPN) Obvious Another indicator that the SEC plays the best football in the country can be traced to the 2008 NFL opening-day rosters. The SEC had more former players on NFL opening-day rosters than any other conference this season (184)
(New York Daily News) Unlikely Despite loss of Tom Brady, Randy Moss says the New England Patriots are still the team to beat in the AFC East. Please keep in mind that this is the same Randy Moss who once admitted to smoking marijuana (153)
(Yahoo) Obvious Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Tom Gorzelanny may be out for the season with an injury to his middle finger. Pittsburgh hospitals experts at treating middle-finger injuries by fans who have to keep waving them at inept Pirates management (20)
(Free Press) Obvious Four dopers busted at Paralympics. They can try to deny it, but they don't have a leg to stand on (18)
(FanNation) Obvious Carlos Delgado shouldn't win the MVP, although East Coast bias hasn't been taken into account (164)
(Yahoo) Dumbass In addition to former Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong returning to cycling, former stripped-for-doping champion Floyd Landis also wants to return (18)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Mets are 3.5 up with 17 to play. What could possibly go wrong? (46)
(SeattlePI) Stupid The weenies in Austin -- which is 212 miles away from the Gulf Coast -- postpone their game with Arkansas because of Hurricane Ike. Is that a longhorn or a uterus on your helmets? (318)
(Chicago Tribune) Spiffy Hurricane, lack of skill may prevent Cubs from winning in Houston (41)
(Yahoo) Hero Sidney Crosby personally delivers season tickets to fans, eliminates Flyers from playoffs (119)
(Starpulse) Amusing Phelps might lose on purpose. The five worst performances by an athelete hosting SNL (65)
(New York Daily News) Asinine Football fans and Jewish groups raising a Führer over Meadowlands Stadium naming-rights deal (47)
(SMH) Amusing Why vodak and high-jumping don't mix. (With video goodness) (99)
(Charlotte) Followup Andrew Giuliani's dismissal from the Duke golf team came after he threw an apple at a teammate's face, verbally abused his coaches and broke a club during a tournament. His poor play on holes 9-11 apparently not a factor (77)
(ESPN) Spiffy Carlos Pena coladas with a pitch in the 14th inning to give the Rays their first series win in Boston since 1999 (41)

Wed September 10, 2008
(Sports by Brooks) Unlikely Hottest golfer on LPGA tour not named Natalie offers up her cell phone number to fans: "She has started listening to the messages and is going to return some of the calls." (35)
(Kansas City) Amusing Warren Sapp on the Raiders: "They're going to suck" (45)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Weiner seeks $3 million for Minnesota Twins ballpark improvements. Upgrades to include reversed seating and euthanasia booths (25)
(AP) Dumbass Indianapolis Colts DT Ed Johnson arrested for possession of marijuana. Can't blame the guy -- anyone who saw Sunday's home opener knows this is the only way he can get blitzed (32)
(Some Guy) Interesting Why will Auburn win the SEC? "One quarterback doesn't win the SEC anymore. It takes a village" (39)
(49ers.com) Fail 49ers QB Alex Smith out for the season, still in the running for biggest bust of the new millenium (132)
(CNN) Obvious Cleveland sports fans starting to hate LeBron because he hates Cleveland sports (59)
(Yahoo) Followup Ohio State's Beanie Wells cleared to play in this Saturday's loss at USC (113)
(News24) Stupid Paralympics wheelchair basketball player kicked out of event for taking banned drug contained in his hair loss treatment product. There's gonna be hell toupee for this (68)
(JSOnline) Amusing Old and busted: Good Cubs teams fading toward the end. New hotness: Their closest pursuers gagging every bit as much (51)
(Derf Magazine) Amusing Chris Henry of the Cincinnati Bengals to change name...to Chad Johnson (56)
(ESPN) Interesting Wednesday's official 2010 World Cup qualifiers thread (64)
(Globe and Mail) Spiffy Somehow, the Toronto Blue Jays are on a ten-game winning streak. Chances of winning the Wild Card upgraded to "snowball's chance in Hell" (54)
(Denver Post) Stupid You know the Colorado Rockies are back in form when they lose on a balk (13)
(Yahoo) Interesting Tennessee Titans QB Vince Young wants to stop playing football and go back home to his mama. How do we know? We asked his mama (57)
(Awful Announcing) Interesting Monday Night Football's double-header was the most watched cable program of 2008 thus far (53)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Hero Cincinnati's Brandon Phillips breaks finger during bunt attempt, stays in the batter's box to deliver game-winning hit (21)
(The New York Times) Unlikely In today's "Numbers Pulled out of our Butts" news, Tom Brady's injury will cost fantasy football owners $150M (23)
(CNN) Obvious Fans should not jump to conclusions based on NFL week 1, except that the Raiders suck (104)
(Rocky Mountain News) Dumbass John Elway's fantasy football blog off to rough start after picking the Raiders to beat the Broncos (38)
(Yahoo) Stupid After turning away Chris Simms and Tim Rattay without even a workout, New England is left with one QB whose last start was in high school and one who's a rookie (56)
(The Tennessean) Followup Tennessee Titans complete "worst QB ever trifecta" by signing Chris Simms to back up Kerry Collins and Vince Young (65)
(Yahoo) Interesting Joe Girardi's Yankees 77W - 68L = 4th place, Joe Torre's Dodgers 74W - 71L = 1st place (47)
(Miami Herald) Florida Politician in Jose Canseco's home town wants to remove the disgraced ballplayer's name from a city street. ''I think it's an embarrassment. It runs through my district, right by my office.' (11)
(MSNBC) Cool Derek Jeter passes Babe Ruth on Yankees' hit list, stands just 9 hits shy of Lou Gehrig's Yankee record. Curt Schilling hasn't dismissed the achievement yet, but just give him a few milliseconds (25)
(Examiner) Misc What does A-Rod have in common with the new iPods? Both are still overpriced for what you get, but only one of them can get Madonna from back when she was hot (19)

Tue September 09, 2008
(ESPN) Dumbass Q: What do Tom Brady, Nate Burleson, and (now) Shawne Merriman all have in common? A: They're all getting paid millions of dollars for not playing football (71)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Tim Tebow responds to Miami coach's whining that Gators ran up score on Hurricanes. "They are paid to stop us" (85)
(NYPost) Hero Curt Schilling takes New York out behind the woodshed, again (55)
(CNN) Unlikely Peter King imagines convoluted scenario that could have possibly brought Brett Favre to replace Tom Brady. Soils keyboard in the process (38)
(Larry Brown) Dumbass In desperation, Allen Iverson drops the price of his former home by $1 million. Smitty desperately trying to give a fark. Penis (27)
(ESPN) Obvious Bill Simmons talks in depth about all of the pertinent Week 1 NFL issues. Just kidding, he devotes an entire mailbag to fellating Tom Brady (95)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Mets' Billy Wagner may be out until 2010, but Ambiorix Burgos is well enough to throw his girlfriend into a wall (11)
(ESPN) Obvious Even John Smoltz thinks the Braves suck, and would like to finish his career somewhere else (21)
(Yahoo) Amusing For each home football game, store offers one percent off for every point Arkansas State wins by. Hilarity ensues when they win their home opener 83-10 (92)
(NHL) Spiffy The Detroit Red Wings have officially signed Chris Chelios for his 25th NHL season. To put that in perspective, John McCain was still able to eat solid food when Chelios entered the league (40)
(Philly) Cool Eagles fans excited by new wide receiver. DeSean Jackson could "fill us with a dizzying high once only achieved by purchasing 10 nitrous balloons in the Linc parking lot before game time" (38)
(ESPN) Interesting Seahawks QB Matt Hasselbeck has a bulging disk in his back, but says he's fine and will be ready next week to throw to the hoboes and transients the team managed to find to play receiver (61)
(The Tennessean) Followup Tennessee Titans ask police for welfare check on Vince Young. No, really (72)
(ESPN) Dumbass Anaheim Ducks owner tries to buy way out of prison. Still no word from Dennis Kozlowski (11)
(The Tennessean) Silly Home football teams 26-4 when Martina McBride sings the national anthem. It's not news, it's The Tennessean (21)
(ESPN) Obvious Vince Young to have MRI on head... err, knee today that is expected to show that he is not mentally fit enough to be an NFL QB... err, I mean he's got a sprained knee and won't be in Jeff Fisher's way for 2-4 weeks (36)
(Dallas News) Dumbass Dallas Cowboys CB Pacman Jones makes one comment that will end up on two different teams' bulletin boards (94)
(Boston Globe) Amusing The Boston Globe offers a timely article about scientific research which says football fans earn more money when their team is winning. Total collapse of New England financial system expected tomorrow (32)
(Kansas City) Followup Kansas City Chiefs safety Bernard Pollard on the hit that ended Tom Brady's season: "It's not a dirty play." New England Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss: "Waaaaaaahhhhhh" (210)
(Daily Mail) Sad English public to national soccer team: "Go lose on your own. After all these years of nothing, we don't give a fark any more" (24)
(Celebridiot) Sad Former UFC Champion Evan Tanner found dead in California desert at the age of 37 (78)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Mark Saccomanno of the Houston Astros becomes just the 23rd player in history to hit a home run on the first pitch he sees in the majors (29)

Mon September 08, 2008
(Sports by Brooks) Cool Vin Scully coming back for 60th season calling the Dodgers, Jeff Kent be damned (37)
(Fox Sports) Cool Armstrong to come out of retirement... frankly, I think he's nut (37)
(madison.com) Amusing Brett the Jet appears to have a problem remembering where his helmet goes. It's hard to admit that you're getting old (63)
(The New York Times) Cool Federer wins US Openen (51)
(Yahoo) Unlikely The most difficult task in America is underway: Finding 12 people who have never heard of O.J. Simpson, the Buffalo Bills, Nicole Brown Simpson, Ronald Goldman, or white Ford Broncos. Good luck with that (88)
(SI) Sad Wagner unable to perform until 2010. Mets hope to replace him with Mozart or Beethoven, but willing to compromise if they know "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" (30)
(AP) Followup Its official: Peter King's worst nightmare has come true. No, not the fact that Tom Brady is still refusing his cocobutter deep-tissue massages. Tom Brady out for season with knee injury (181)
(ESPN) Obvious Kobe Bryant to have surgery on damaged pinky. Women in Colorado will have to do without the shocker for awhile (22)
(Sports by Brooks) Stupid Colts fan angry about his $1,280 obstructed-view seats at new stadium. On the plus side, he wasn't able to see what happened Sunday night vs. the Bears (95)
(Some Guy) Amusing Fox Sports mistakes Carolina Panthers tight end Dante Rosario for Rosario Dawson. Hilarity ensues (story No. 4) (31)
(Newsday) Obvious A-Rod: People should be happy Blue Jays are not in the playoff race, because they'd be the scariest team. Press: The Blue Jays are ahead of the Yankees. A-Rod: You confuse me (53)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Serena Williams wins U.S. Open, is described as "a combination of a pit bull dog, a young Mike Tyson and an alligator" by her father. No wonder she's single (56)
(Yahoo) Followup After nobody wanted him last week, Chris Simms gets calls from New England, Kansas City and Tennessee after all three lost their starting QBs yesterday (119)
(Yahoo) Obvious Now that former Green Bay Packers QB Brett Favre has shown he still has some gas left in the tank, the pressure is on current Packers QB Aaron Rodgers to show that he can even start the engine (78)
(Reading Eagle) Amusing What if Chinese journalists had covered the 2008 Olympics in the U.S.? (43)
(Yahoo) Fail It took some time, but the worst team in international sports has been discovered: Bulgarian women's ice hockey (39)
(Pro Football Talk) Interesting PFT's pre-season power rankings, 09/06/08: "[New England] will end up right back where they were in February. Barring an injury to quarterback Tom Brady. Without him, this is an 8-8 team" (140)
(Some Guy) Cool Five-year-old hits a hole-in-one. Tells Tiger Woods to get off his playground (12)
(Reuters) Spiffy Hakeem Olajuwon, Patrick Ewing, Pat Riley and Dick Vitale among the newest inductees into the Basketball Hall of Fame (21)
(CNBC) Amusing Has-been NFL coach Dennis Green living comfortably off trademark rights to his "They are who we thought they were" rant (23)
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing ESPN cameras catch UTEP Miners fan doing some digging -- in her boyfriend's pants (with video goodness) (22)

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