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Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
Sun August 24, 2008
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Usain Bolt urges China quake victims to move forward past tragedy, but slow down just before doing so to leave room for a faster recovery after the next tragedy | (7) |
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Chinese boxer's gold medal run fueled by diet of pizza & hamburgers, since Chinese food is "too greasy" | (9) |
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Cardinals set to start Kurt Warner due to concerns about Matt Leinart's "arm strength and consistency," two things that apparently were impossible to assess before they drafted him and paid him a metric buttload of cash | (58) |
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Paging Michael Strahan. Paging Michael Strahan. Please pick up the white courtesy phone | (51) |
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The Top 10 Fictional Sports including Calvinball, Quidditch, and Curling | (47) |
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Final Olympic medal standings, Michael Phelps, as a country, finished 10th | (98) |
| (Science Blogs) |  |
In Olympic gold medals, the US was 32nd and China was 47th. Jamaica, Bahrain and Mongolia are 1, 2, and 3. Say what? Here comes the new math | (128) |
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Swedish wrestler who threw away bronze medal vindicated by totally useless ruling | (31) |
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If you've been paying attention, and attendance numbers say you haven't, the Cleveland Indians have won six in a row | (38) |
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Gordon Brown: "...when the [Olympic] team returns on Monday they will have a tremendous reception and ovation from the whole of the British people." British Airports Authority: "Sorry, we're the Nanny State, so no." | (26) |
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Redeem Team: Mission Accomplished | (100) |
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Brady Quinn finally finds out that courage alone doesn't win football games | (28) |
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Brazilian volleyballers leave the U.S. team settling for a silver medal. With that many of them, how could we ever stand a chance of making gold? | (17) |
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USA vs. Spain gold medal basketball game - live discussion thread | (158) |
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This week's sign of the apocalypse: "Pavano (W, 1-0)" | (20) |
Sat August 23, 2008
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Lifeguards save Olympic synchronized swimmer. Only get a 9.0 from the Chinese judge | (31) |
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Tree Climbers International teaches the sport of tree climbing. In other news, tree climbing is a "sport" | (30) |
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Chicago Police take on FBI in triathalon; police heavily favored because of their long history of running from federal agents | (4) |
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Cubs again fail to take one more step toward the World Series and breaking their 100 year-old curse. Just kidding, they destroyed the worst team in baseball | (41) |
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World renowned bastion of honesty, The International Olympic Committee, states that "so far" all evidence suggests China's female gymnasts are of age. Glad that is finally settled | (184) |
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NASCAR Sharpie 500 from the world's fastest half-mile at Bristol discussion thread. Flipper is on the pole. This is arguably the best race of the season | (528) |
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Beginning in 2011, the IndyCar series will once again be powered by turbocharged engines | (26) |
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Michael Richardson, a member of the 1985 Chicago Bears, faces 13 years in prison after a probation violation -- having his girlfriend, a known drug user, pick him up at the probation office | (14) |
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"In sport after sport, evidence shows that the top female professional athletes in the world are on par with the best American 14- and 15-year-old boys." | (147) |
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People talking in movie shows, people smoking in bed, Olympic judges who make you mad, give them a boot to the head | (55) |
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Detroit Lions sign QB Drew to fill in for QB Drew | (25) |
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Apparently Manu Ginobli had a gun held to his head and was forced to play in the Olympics | (38) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Matt Cassel, you held one hell of a clipboard. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out | (64) |
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If you've ever wondered if there's a sports town worse than your city, here's your answer. Unless you live in Miami, of course because then you already know | (25) |
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Olympics final weekend viewing schedule: "On the one hand, you want to see the U.S. win gold, don't you? On the other hand, how can you possibly bring yourself to root for a team coached by Mike Krzyzewski?" Duke sucks | (34) |
| (Honolulu Advertiser) | |
Hawaii's Bryan Clay wins gold in olympic decathlon. John McCain to describe him as "elite" athlete for being from Hawaii | (8) |
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Ah, Olympic equestrian show jumping. The powerful horses, the daring riders, the portly middle-aged half-naked foreigner in a tutu | (52) |
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And now a text message from Shaq: "I dnt no who the [expletive] u think u dealin wit u will neva be heard from one phone call is I gotta make now try me. Sho me." | (83) |
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Spitz adds to Olympic medal collection by scoring gold in Beijing. Wait, what? | (3) |
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Usain Bolt's record breaking performance rivals other athletic achievements from great athletes like Ben Johnson, Barry Bonds, and Floyd Landis | (40) |
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Latest bit of China Olympic failure: Seems like all of the national anthems they've been playing are pirated versions of copyrighted arrangements from the 2004 Olympics | (121) |
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Cubs take one more step toward the World Series and breaking their 100 year-old curse. Just kidding, they get destroyed at home by the worst team in baseball | (47) |
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The Olympic Village helps ugly people have sex, too | (10) |
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Former NHLers create giant luxurious mobile cigar lounge to fight against smoking bans (with pics) | (10) |
Fri August 22, 2008
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Jason Kidd to give his gold medal away to wife of casino owner Steve Wynn; Charles Barkley soon to announce comeback | (13) |
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USA to WTF: "WTF?" | (26) |
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Toughest. Olympic. Quiz. Ever. Submitter gets 5 out of 12, throws bronze medal on ground and stomps off | (33) |
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Usain Bolt sets new WR with relay team. Michael Phelps reads this, yawns and sets 10 new WR after breakfast | (101) |
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Peter Boulware of the Baltimore Ravens is running for Florida's House of Representatives. "I'm not a politician. I'm learning as I go" | (15) |
| (Editor & Publisher) | |
"Swimmer Michael Phelps... was the focus of more than one-quarter of all the stories studied, generating seven times more media attention than the next most covered athlete," Thank God we've FINALLY cleared this up | (124) |
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USA Basketball beats Argentina to make it to gold medal game. They still have one last chance to screw it up | (53) |
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NCAA bans horse-collar tackling in football. Sarah Jessica Parker unavailable for comment | (31) |
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Chinese blame US and free press for re-opening of age investigation; want Phelps dissected to prove he is human | (39) |
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Soaring scrap metal prices are killing one of America's dirtiest guilty pleasures -- the demolition derby | (37) |
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Michael Phelps makes his sixth cover of Sports Illustrated, and third in four weeks. Luckily for the editors at SI, there are no other US athletes in the Olympics | (82) |
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USA Track & Field to conduct comprehensive review of all programs. First item on the agenda: how to correctly pass the baton | (29) |
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Sosa tests positive for performance-enhancing substances | (32) |
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Cleveland Indians pitcher Cliff Lee improves to 18-2 after beating the Kansas City Royals, which will be counted even though it isn't a win against a Major League team | (48) |
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American to get silver after Ukranian female athlete with Neanderthal-like brow ridge, Schwarzeneggeresque mandible tests positive for steroids | (205) |
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British men's track cycling team win seven out of a possible ten gold medals at the Olympics. In other news, gas retails for $11.89 a gallon in the UK | (25) |
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Chinese gymnastics coach: If our fake official documents aren't proof enough, who you gonna believe? IOC: Good enough for us - case closed | (240) |
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Berbatov signs for Manchester United. Kind of. The Sun, as always, is there | (28) |
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Duke lacrosse accuser pens autobiography, "The Last Dance for Grace: The Crystal Mangum Story", to be released in October. Duke sucks | (255) |
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What does Florida State University have to hide? | (52) |
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Some guy wins gold in 50 K racewalking event. Country currently unknown. Neither participant nor country willing to admit to winning the event | (41) |
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Aussie golfer shoots a 59, tying the record for the lowest professional golf round. Kim Jong-Il unimpressed | (22) |
Thu August 21, 2008
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Canada just a wee bit bitter over "corrupt judging" at Beijing Olympics | (81) |
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IOC finally announces probe to find out Chinese gymnast's actual age after computer expert discovers documents that proves she is really 14 and thinks Hannah Montana is biatchin' | (238) |
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Wow, check out this video. I had no idea Michael Phelps was such a jerk | (158) |
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Never give up on your dreams: the Boom Goes the Dynamite kid got a job as a sportscaster | (51) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If 300 was crossed with the Beijing Olympics and was about hot Chinese girls, it'd look like this | (40) |
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Not content with merely having half-empty stadiums, China is jailing and deporting foreigners selling tickets outside Olympic venues | (24) |
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KU basketball player accused in BB gun incident, admits his hero is Charles Whitman | (27) |
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CNN holds a four person roundtable discussion on Amanda Beard "dissing" Michael Phelps. It's not news, it's CNN. Bonus not gay columnist commentary | (234) |
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You know its gotten bad when even the horses are doping | (32) |
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NFL union chief Gene Upshaw is down six feet due to defective genes | (59) |
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Cubs glad they likely won't have to see Bronson Arroyo again this year | (56) |
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Michael Phelps returns to his tank at Sea World | (176) |
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Carl Pavano to return to the DL this Saturday | (27) |
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The Milwaukee Bucks defy the conventional wisdom that they could get any worse | (10) |
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Like a bad divorce, the team goes to Oklahoma City while Seattle gets to keep all those silly banners and trophies they've been collecting over the years | (22) |
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American and British sprint teams both drop the baton in the Olympic 4 x 100m sprint at the 300 foot handover | (41) |
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If only there was some way we could've known in advance that ARod has questionable decision-making skills | (11) |
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So much for the US invincibility in softball | (169) |
| (floridatoday.com) | |
Tropical storm Fay challenges Divsion I football, loses | (10) |
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Six insane sports that might be in the next Olympics | (77) |
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U.S. Women's Bikini Team wins Olympic gold for volleyball | (60) |
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IOC chides Usain Bolt for a lack of Olympic etiquette. Bolt: "I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my two gold medals and shattered world records" | (90) |
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Mark Spitz, being interviewed while eating a bowl of sour grapes, says there's no way Phelps could have beaten him in his prime | (62) |
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Amanda Beard said "Eww, that's nasty... I have never, ever hooked up with Michael Phelps... Come on, I have really good taste. He's really not my type". DAMN | (100) |
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Umpires, MLB agree to instant replay. Umpires, MLB agree to instant replay | (34) |
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Attention Rays fans: When you are in first place in the AL East and you're hosting the first-place team in the AL West, your stadium should be more than 40% full. You people don't even know how to fill a bandwagon | (67) |
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In a metaphor for their entire season the Cubs pitch a no-hitter for five innings, end up losing the game and no longer have the best record in baseball | (47) |
Wed August 20, 2008
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In "when the hell did that become an olympic event?" news: big day for US BMX athletes | (64) |
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American gymnast Nastia Liukin sums up what the modern Olympics hath wrought: "Seeing the Visa ATM machine with my picture on it ... for some reason it just boosted my confidence" | (33) |
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Old and busted: Paying $1700 for a playoff game ticket. New hotness: Paying $1700 for the right to purchase a playoff game ticket if your team makes it to the playoffs. This is the world of playoff ticket futures and options trading | (21) |
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Tired of NBC showing endless hours of beach volleyball during the Olympics? You are not alone | (78) |
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Four-star QB recruit takes one look at RichRod's chest-bumping, player-humiliating, cuss-yo-ass-out Michigan football program and says "oh HELLS naw" | (69) |
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With 20 returning starters, Ohio State is a contender to choke in the BCS championship game for the third year in a row | (50) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Nicole Reinhardt wants to wear her gold medal in a Playboy spread. Playboy fans now cheering mightily for Leryn Franco | (37) |
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Watch Nadia Comaneci get a perfect 10 at the '76 Olympics and realize this wouldn't even register a spot on the team today | (86) |
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Cubs own Reds, Brewers, Cardinals, your soul, and best record in baseball | (82) |
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Jerry Jones offers movie studios chance to blow up Texas Stadium when new Cowboys Stadium is finished; Most NFL fans want same deal for the Raiders - except for the new stadium part | (12) |
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19.30 | (97) |
| (Some Phelpian Phan) | |
So this is what Michael Phelps was like before he was a star | (39) |
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Hull City: The best story in the English Premier League | (18) |
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Olympic athletes getting far better at hiding doping from drug tests | (17) |
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Campell Brown cries sexism over the fact that Shawn Johnson doesn't get as many endorsement dollars as Michael Phelps | (69) |
| (Some Bitter Cleveland Guy) | |
Baltimore high school names its new football stadium in honor of Art Modell, the man who brought NFL football back to town | (49) |
| (The Score) | |
The Titans currently have two players on their roster who have the same last name, same first name, and play the same position. This is going to be a tough year for journalists | (21) |
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YouTube user posts video of a "walking on water" glitch he found in Tiger Woods 2008. EA Sports and Tiger Woods create commercial to prove it was no glitch | (79) |
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Michael Phelps wins a year of free pizza and pasta from Pizza Hut. Now his dream is complete. As is Pizza Hut's dream of free advertising via media publicity | (23) |
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Things Hackers can do. 1) Break into secure computer networks. 2) Steal credentials and credit cards off the internet for identity theft 3) Bust the underage Chinese gymansts by finding proof they are underage ... Wait. What? | (86) |
| (NBC Olympics) | |
Afghanistan wins first ever Olympic medal. Since it was in taekwondo, you know it's kickass | (9) |
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Why the Cincinnati Bengals re-signed perennial dumbass Chris Henry -- Ocho Cinco's shoulder, TJ Houshmandzadeh's hamstring, and Mike Brown's empty head | (27) |
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Greatest living Red Sox player and baseball's last triple crown winner resting comfortably after a triple bypass. Yaz | (62) |
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Spanish basketball player to reporter: "My English not very good." Reporter: "Well, it was really good when you were playing for the Grizzlies. I interviewed you once by your locker" | (39) |
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MLB players could play in 2016 Olympics... assuming that baseball is back on the Olympic program by then and we can actually find enough steroid-free players to field a team | (27) |
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Tony Stewart and Joey Logano docked 150 points each and their crew chiefs suspended indefinitely for getting caught placing magnets under the gas pedals of their Nationwide cars | (52) |
| (WALB.com) | |
Local judge decides to ref flag football games, gets into arguement with player, calls police and has him arrested. Bonus: field manager asks judge not to come back | (13) |
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After spending the morning explaining why he didn't run out a double, Tampa Bay Rays center fielder B.J. Upton has to spend the night explaining why he was called out for rounding first | (25) |
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Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Ben Sheets says he isn't "pitching that bad". In related news, Sheets thinks JFK only had a flesh wound | (21) |
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US women's softball team barely survives after giving up hits -- and even a run -- to Japan | (22) |
| (Some Guy) | |
It's official. The Yankees and Rays have officially traded places | (125) |
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Bejing police annoyed to find that British gold medalists act a lot like the British on holiday: getting hammered and falling off taxis | (5) |
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Usain Bolt: Fueled by chicken nuggets and yams. In other news, McDonald's to begin selling yams | (44) |
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U.S. Olympic female hurdler LoLo Jones experiences the agony of defeat. De right foot, on de hurdle, to delineate the debacle | (52) |
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Hideki Irabu tries to get his BAC to match his ERA and ends up in J-A-I-L | (15) |
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Australian cyclist Anna Meares wins silver at Beijing after coming back from a horrific accident which left her in a wheelchair with a broken neck -- seven months ago | (17) |
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Totally not gay sportswriter explains why men's gymnastics is more exciting than women's | (53) |
Tue August 19, 2008
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Forget Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt, Coke's hometown Atlanta newspaper reports from Olympics that "Coca-Cola executives at the Beijing Games have been mobbed like rock stars" by local residents | (8) |
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Cincinnati Reds owner and general manager write apology letter to fans for dismal 2008 season | (43) |
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No Rice in China | (87) |
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Michael Phelps forgoes Wheaties cover to be featured for Frosted Flakes instead. They'rrrrrrrre great | (46) |
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Phone calls you don't want to get: "It's your doctor, he says it's important," "Honey, we need to talk" and "No, the Arizona Cardinals aren't trading you" | (18) |
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Ian Kinsler gets hernia from carrying entire team on his back, could be out for the season | (23) |
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Baseball Hall of Famer Carl Yastrzemski hospitalized for chest pains, mutton-chop complications | (18) |
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Cautionary tale: Don't put lights in your swimming suit and expect to perform in the Olympics. They're having none of that | (20) |
| (M Live) | |
Michigan football player, found passed out in his vehicle, was so drunk that he thought Mickey Mouse was a dog, didn't know the alphabet and didn't know numbers. Yes, really, no joke. Gary Moeller approves | (79) |
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Nastia Liukin outdoes father in medal count. To be fair, the men have rings and pommel horse, which are way harder | (49) |
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Olympics officials disqualify recent grad of the Mike Tyson school of boxing® | (93) |
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U.S. wins gold in Olympic Laser Radial Sailing. Next up, Olympic Texas Hold 'Em Poker | (71) |
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Who could have guessed "slant eye" pictures would have been so popular with Olympic athletes? | (68) |
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Problem: Nobody watches table tennis. Solution: International Table Tennis Federation suggests the women dress a little sluttier | (55) |
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Four months after dropping WR Chris Henry for being a frequently-arrested dumbass, Cincinnati Bengals find themselves short on receivers. Yeah, you know where this is going | (37) |
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Chinese citizens not so smitten with super-sized Shaq statue: "We're not sure why he's here," "He is a little fat" and "Kobe is today, Shaq is too old" | (15) |
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Best best best best Olympian Olympian Olympian Olympian name name name name ever ever ever ever | (52) |
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Having already ruined the NBA, David Stern wants to establish a league in China and a presence in India | (43) |
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Seven-foot-tall, D-1 basketball players make for poor getaway drivers | (14) |
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Note to BJ Upton: Before you break into your home run trot, you might want to make sure the ball actually clears the fence | (41) |
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Olympic medals aren't about talent, training and determination, it's all about star signs | (99) |
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Yankees, 10 games back in AL East, call on Pavano to break slump | (80) |
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The 50 most coveted sports trophies you'll never win | (114) |
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New website launched for women who are against fantasy football. Photo montage on site shows two men with two separate girlfriends each, so at least one fantasy remains intact (second note) | (16) |
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Greg Maddux will be collecting his Social Security check in Los Angeles for the rest of the season | (27) |
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Cleveland Browns back in true form after giving up 98 penalty yards, allowing a 95-yard fumble return, kicking a punt into their own players for a safety, and losing their starting quarterback to injury | (50) |
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Big poles and big mouths don't go together, says one Olympic sports writer | (30) |
Mon August 18, 2008
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Primoz Kozmus propels Slovenia to number 1 in the 2008 Olympics Medal tally. Sorta | (17) |
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He and Liukin tie for gold in uneven bars. Judges consult 2nd tiebreaker rule which apparently is "Give it to the Chinese" | (230) |
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Curt Schilling blogs about possible retirement. In tomorrow's news, Curt Schilling will angrily deny he was thinking about retirement, claims he was misquoted in his blog | (36) |
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Bush calls Phelps from Crawford to congratulate. Phelps has problem with the language barrier | (55) |
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Finally: A massive Olympic coverup not involving host China | (10) |
| (Sports Crunch) | |
The 50 hottest female athletes of all time | (87) |
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You just KNEW this was coming: The Michael Phelps gold medal conspiracy theory | (260) |
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In what will undoubtedly make or break fantasy leagues everywhere, 'Night Train' Orton gets the nod over Sexy Rexy | (37) |
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In the Olympics of Euphemisms, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation scores a "personal best" | (12) |
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Monday Night Football: Giants vs Browns, conversation starts to the right | (148) |
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It only took 32 years, but one college football fan has now seen in person all 119 Division I-A teams and Notre Dame | (12) |
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Daunte Culpepper says he's healthy and ready for teams to call. Any team. Anybody? Pretty please? | (28) |
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Italian fencing team upset that Italian soccer team got to fly back home first-class; fencing team pointed out they won medals, soccer team responded by saying, "touché" | (15) |
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Russian pole vaulter totally Stokked to break world record | (21) |
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One legged swimmer competes at olympics, plans to enter ass-kicking competition | (9) |
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Fantasy football will cost U.S. employers $9.2 billion in lost work time this season, not counting repetitive stress injuries caused by flipping back and forth to that fake spreadsheet when the boss walks by | (34) |
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US women's softball is such a whooping machine that teams are forced to quit before the game is over | (33) |
| (PGH Live) | |
Mario Lemieux admits he lied about moving Penguins to KC or Vegas in order to scare Pittsburgh into building new arena. Where have you gone, Wayne Gretzky? | (31) |
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Goodwill and Olympic spirit beaned and ejected from USA and China baseball game | (28) |
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China's 64-inch Dong qualifies in Olympic trampoline | (28) |
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USA basketball pounds Germany by 49, annex the Sudetenland | (32) |
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He wins gold in trampoline. Who? He. So, some guy won it? No, a girl. Third base | (58) |
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Favre almost rhymes with karma. Jeter to Brewers? It's more likely than you think | (43) |
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Canadian equestrian team takes silver at Olympics. Canada now surpasses Michael Phelps in number of medals won at Beijing Games | (158) |
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Secret restrictions on ticket sales to prevent crowds has left stands half-filled at olympic events. Naturally, the IOC and sponsors are not too happy about this. Because who wants crowds at olympic events? | (16) |
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Manchester United's Cristiano Ronaldo beats Judy Garland to top spot as ultimate gay icon. Bound to be delighted about that | (23) |
| (Mojo In The Morning) | |
I am so over this Phelps character | (77) |
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Chad Johnson strains his shoulder and vagina in losing preseason game | (31) |
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Did world-record Olympic runner Usain Bolt actually slow down so he could make more money in the future? | (46) |
| (Awful Announcing) |  |
NBC questions Kobe Bryant's patriotism during an interview | (43) |
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"Even if the Bears' quarterbacks were good enough to simply manage the offense, it would be like asking someone to manage a food store with empty shelves." According to this article | (37) |
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Mexican Little League pitcher strikes out 12, throws perfect game, hits grand slam, and hopes to take a job from an American Major leaguer | (32) |
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Today, there IS crying in baseball | (51) |
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Astros retire Craig Biggio's number, then top off the day by shutting out the Diamondbacks | (85) |
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What's the best way to start off the season after winning the Premier League? Why, falling a goal behind and having to salvage a draw at home against Newcastle United, of course | (34) |
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Rate of illegitimate births in Europe expected to skyrocket | (24) |
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Good: make the Olympics. Bad: and now your dad won't talk to you | (55) |
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Columnist picks Carl Lewis over Michael Phelps as Greatest Olympian Ever. Well, at least Greatest Grace Jones Impersonator Ever | (84) |
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Patriots attempt to soothe their sore behinds by presenting themselves with fake Super Bowl rings. Seriously | (205) |
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