Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Sports Archives for '2008-08-10 23:59:59'

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Sun August 10, 2008

	I'm sure an authoritarian government wouldn't possibly fib about Olympian's birth dates just to let them compete... right?	(45)
	Padraig Harrington claims second straight major with a victory at the PGA Championship with a score of 3-under. Romero finishes T7 at 4-over, claims if he had been 8 strokes better he would've won	(19)
	Pacman Jones is the conductor of the excuse caboose after his Cowboys get whomped by San Diego	(33)
	Barry Bonds pumped up about prospects of coaching college baseball	(11)
	Russian and Georgian Olympic medal winners hug it out on the podium	(118)
	Steelers sign Byron Leftwich and Duante Culpepper, apparently using their 2003 scouting report still	(24)
(Some Guy)	Newspaper asks: "Has NASCAR become boring?" Was it ever not boring?	(74)
	NASCAR at Watkins Glen discussion thread. Yes, they make right turns here	(192)
	With one more win, the Rays will break the franchise record for wins in a season	(19)
	That spectacular Beijing Olympic ceremony that you watched on TV? Yeah, a lot of it was CGI fakery. You can tell from some of the pixels (pic)	(52)
	MLB beefs up procedures to assure memorabilia collectors that bats swung by a steroid-laced beheomoth or balls tossed by a spitball-throwing pitcher are not fakes	(7)
	Prapawadee Jaroenrattanatarakoon of Thailand sets weightlifting record- and that's just with her nametag	(12)
(Beacon Broadside)	Holy heck, it's a sports parent who isn't an uber-type-A batshiat douche - meet Michael Phelps' mom	(47)
	Your Sunday morning USA vs China, Democracy vs Communism, Good vs Evil, Rocky vs Drago, kind of, only he's Asian and plays basketball Olympic discussion thread	(135)
	Actual headline: "Canadian Poon has chicken pox". Canadian men, it's time to panic	(40)
(Some Guy)	Newcastle United owner believes his team is a top four club. Subby frantically looking for a "deranged" tag	(15)
	"The Olympics are always knuckle-chewingly tedious. I keep reading that there is an estimated global audience of three billion, but who are these people? I don't think I've ever met a person who genuinely cares"	(109)
	Brewers aces throw back-to-back five-hit shutouts. Cards deal Cubs another defeat as Carlos Zambrano gave up 9 runs	(51)

Sat August 09, 2008

	Michael Phelps' first of eight heats (400m IM) is complete, and the results are...	(59)
(Some Guy)	UFC 87 discussion thread	(145)
	20 years ago today hockey fans discovered that anyone could be traded	(54)
	Anybody watching team handball? Okay, it's not that complicated to understand. It's kind of like hockey and basketball. But it still looks like something the Communists invented in the 1950s as a joke	(41)
(NFL.com)	Saturday night preseason NFL discussion thread. Bills vs Skins, Bucs vs Fins, Falcons vs Jags, Colts vs Panthers, Broncos vs Texans, Rams vs Titans and Cowboys vs Chargers	(67)
	Get your injury pool ready, Byron Leftwich being considered by the Steelers. Difficulty: as a backup	(22)
	What's the best way for an Iranian swimmer to show his nation's superiority to arch-enemy Israel? Apparently by getting scared like a girl and refusing to swim against the Israeli	(77)
	Georgia may recall its 35 Olympic team members from the Beijing Games because they can't afford to have half the country's military forces abroad at a time of war	(69)
	The Americans attacked at the Olympics are the in-laws of the US Men's Volleyball squad. So THAT's what Project 119 is	(11)
	Manny Ramirez wants to be a Yankee	(117)
	Ahhh. Women's beach volleyball in HD. Proof there is a just and loving FSM	(36)
	Holmes leads the PGA as the only player under par. Watson tied for 59th, Moriarity no one where to be seen	(13)
	Kobe Bryant says he won't sign a contract extension with the Los Angeles Lakers until he's tested the global market and gotten them to up the ante on LA	(21)
	NYC Mayor Bloomberg gives new Jet Brett Favre the key chain for the subway, seems he already gave the keys to the city to Eli Manning and the Superbowl champion NY Giants	(14)
	To make obscure sports really interesting, just add sex	(17)
	Female Chinese weightlifter wins China's first gold by lifting 209.5 lbs in the snatch. Male athletes cringe and cross legs appreciatively	(23)
	Prevent China from winning the first gold medal? Czech	(16)
	The only time the words Sanchez and knee can be used in a headline that is safe for work	(7)

Fri August 08, 2008

	USC starting QB goes down with knee injury after doing dance move popularized by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers	(22)
	Jim Edmonds welcomes his former team into Wrigley Field by nearly beating them single-handedly	(36)
	Trojans beat 'Cocks over "SC" logo. Penis	(27)
	Brett Favre's private pilot confirms what the frontal-lobe-engaged not residing in East Rutherford strongly suspected: "He didn't want to really go to the Jets"	(101)
	Farks favorite team sits at number one in this weeks MLB Power Rankings. Sweeping generalizations to the right	(51)
	As usual, NBC expects huge ratings from Olympic gymnasts and the pedos who watch them	(80)
	Early reports coming out of Beijing indicate there may be some sort of pollution problem there. Ric Romero dispatched to the scene	(99)
	MLB investigating whether Manny stopped trying for Red Sox before trade to Dodgers	(48)
	Amanda Beard wins the gold in the 100-meter backpedal	(49)
	After getting cut by New York, QB Chad Pennington may get signed by New York. Wait, what?	(40)
	Detroit Lions beat N.Y. Giants, 13-10, in preseason opener. This clearly indicates the Lions will win the Super Bowl this year	(70)
	Ohio State DBs get grounded for two weeks, get car keys back in time for USC	(37)
	Bears get no closer to settling QB issue, which is a headline you can cut and paste in December and still have a chance at getting a greenlight	(69)
(Some Guy)	Idiot Cub fan dumps a bucket of water on a leggy blonde reporter. Erin Andrews should watch her back next time she's at Wrigley Field	(100)
	New England Patriots discover that without Tom Brady at QB, they suck	(112)
	Forget the Olympics: The World Conkers Championship is in jeopardy due to disease attacking horse chestnut trees	(13)
	NCAA ignores pleas of 100 university presidents, announces beer ads during college sporting events must continue. Here's to you, Mr. NCAA Executive Committee Guy	(23)
	What does Manny Ramirez think of the NL after six games, where he's 13-23 with 4 HRs and 9 RBIs? "I like it here"	(82)
	MLB likely to revise its blackout policy for 2009. Best solution for Royals fans will still be "cover your eyes and drink heavily"	(21)

Thu August 07, 2008

	Despite Brett Favre's trade, EA Sports will not change is Madden 09 cover. So who gets the curse - Packers or Jets?	(98)
	A guide to the Olympic opening ceremonies, from the entrance of the nations to the ceremonial 'Get on your knees and face the ditch' finale starring Tibetan dissidents	(24)
(Orange County Register)	Olympics idiocy over the years -- Faster, Higher, Stronger, Stupider	(13)
	Old & busted. Favre to Jets. New hotness: Pennington to Dolphins?	(31)
	Dear Mets bullpen. Which part of "do not blow the lead" do you not understand?	(18)
	Rays acquire boneless pitcher from Orioles. With "love child of MC Escher and Picasso" pic	(33)
(MyFOX Philly)	From the "Why is this news department": Philadelphia 76ers place their mascot on injured reserve	(8)
	Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina enjoys shooting kids	(24)
	Chicago White Sox pitcher with 8-10 record gives vote of confidence to teammate with 9-4 record, throws teammate with 11-6 record under the bus	(25)
	Former University of Toledo basketball player accused of intentionally losing games that Toledo probably would have lost anyway	(18)
(Some Guy)	Here's a statistical breakdown of every team in the English Premiership. It's not news, it's your official Premier League preview discussion forum; come make your own prediction so that you can be shamed at the end of the year	(55)
	Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon benches centerfielder B.J. Upton after unimpressive home run trot. Perhaps it was because Upton hit a ground ball	(19)
	Since the Minnesota Vikings can't have Brett Favre, they may have to settle for the guy he just displaced	(29)
(Awful Announcing)	ESPN airs a visable f-bomb during a live Sports Center commerical (with photo goodness)	(33)
	Neither Hamm will compete until they are cured	(34)
	Olympic athletes using drug tattoos and taking Viagra while huffing nitrous oxide to beat drug tests. Frank Booth approves	(15)
	After only one top-ten finish in 17 starts, Hall of Fame Racing drops J.J. Yeley	(37)
	Fellow Texan Nolan Ryan finally throws Roger Clemens under the bus, calling his PEDs-denials "unfortunate" (with audio)	(78)
	Apparently grand slams are now worth only three runs	(46)
	Sportswriter gazes into his crystal rectum and picks the medal winners for all 302 Olympic events	(18)
	B-R-E-T Brett Brett Brett	(509)

Wed August 06, 2008

	Did you know The Olympics began today? It's just women's soccer, so nobody bothered to let the world know	(41)
	New Jersey douchebags invade Nicaragua, offer impoverished villagers $5 for a donated "19-0 perfect season" T-shirt just to taunt pissed off Patriots fans	(226)
	Joba Chamberlain joins long list of Yankees scratched from the abled list	(48)
	Tom Brady says God doesn't value him as a quarterback. The New York Giants don't think he's that great either	(67)
	Cleveland's closers finally find their form. Just kidding, they didn't get a single out in giving up six ninth-inning runs to the Tampa Bay Rays	(31)
	As it turns out, Babe Ruth didn't die of throat cancer from drinking and smoking -- he died from a different, rarer cancer from drinking and smoking	(28)
	Red Sox new left fielder Jason Bay hits ball that rolls 10 feet along the top of the outfield fence before being knocked back into play. Manny, Kevin Youkilis and Johnny Damon unimpressed	(63)
(Some lip sweater)	While we are all gravely disappointed by the passing of Jason's mustache, no one, or thing, feels a greater loss than his upper lip	(16)
	Another locker room scandal rips Major League Baseball: ESPN reporter Erin Andrews wore a skimpy outfit, setting of a series of blogsphere explosions	(98)
	With the acquisition of Manny Ramirez, the Los Angeles Dodgers suddenly looked like a playoff contender and everybody's happy. Well, everybody except for Juan Pierre, who's upset that he has to play center field now	(47)
	Mets plan to sell Shea Stadium seats for $869 when the Mets season ends, which the way their bullpen is going will be Sun. Sept. 28, the same day Vito will be in the concourse behind Gate B selling fans "Mets wrenches" for $10	(26)
	Bernie Kosar sacked for a loss by the IRS after he forgot to file his taxes	(28)
	Joba Chamberlain's MRI comes back negative, so he's good to go his next turn in the rotation. Just kidding, they're sending him to the same doctor who treated Kerry Wood	(46)
	cough American cyclists cough apologize to China cough cough for wearing masks	(61)
(Bradenton Herald)	The good news is that the Packers can run that jersey retirement ceremony as planned	(238)
	Mike Hampton has a quality start for first time in three years. Finally decides to start earning that $121 million	(15)
	During radio appearance, injured Tiger Woods claims sponsor Gatorade"is helping me find things that will enable me to heal faster -- soft tissue and different types of flavors and drinks that I should be drinking to speed recovery"	(24)
	Notre Dame is investigating why Jimmy Clausen was photographed courageously attending an event called the "Beer Olympics," even though he is not yet 21	(25)
	"Good morning. USA Olympic Basketball, this is your wake-up call"	(66)
	Syracuse football debuts sharp new uniforms. At least they'll look good losing	(28)
	Chelsea's new manager vows team will be league champions no later than 2058. Maple Leaf fans can only dream of such imminent success	(29)

Tue August 05, 2008

	Olympics drugs czar complains the Russians are "systematically doping," while everyone else has to settle for inhaling their carcinogens in Beijing	(11)
	Australian athletes already whining about drug cheats who they haven't even been beaten by yet	(5)
	Red Sox fan calls waaaahhhmbulance, sues Yankees for being taunted during a game last year	(74)
(Some Guy)	Sir Alex Ferguson assures Man U supporters that Ronaldo will not be diving for Real Madrid this year	(38)
	Rays outfielder Rocco Baldelli set to overcome his mitochondrial disorder and help his team, at least until he discovers his next freak injury	(21)
(Goat Riders of the Apocalypse)	Fan Video footage of last night's Wrigley Field Tornado. Warning - It looks like footage from the Cloverfield trailer	(62)
	Big Papi feels click in wrist. Red Sox nation feels wheel fall off bandwagon	(66)
	Patrick Roy's son charged with kicking another goalie in the five-hole	(37)
	Free at last, free at last. NY Rangers' and Knicks fan may be free of Cablevision at last	(17)
	NFL to unveil fan code of conduct. No more getting drunk and disruptive in the parking lot, using foul language, or harassing other team's fans. Also, fans will be required to sing "Kum Bah Yah" at halftime	(68)
	You're stuck at Wrigley Field during a monster thunderstorm dressed as Elvis because it's 70's night, what do you do to pass the time? If you said run on the field and use the tarp as a slip and slide, you win	(161)
	Ranking NHL coaches from elite to meh, or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the Babcock	(51)
	It's a good thing the Yankees moved Joba Chamberlain from the bullpen to the starting rotation. No, wait... he's getting shelled, and his arm just fell off	(87)
	Struggling San Francisco Giants invite Barry Bonds back....to a pregame celebration honoring five decades of Giant outfielders	(20)
	MLB conducting a probe into allegations that employees of several teams, including the Yankees, Red Sox, White Sox, and Nationals, forced Latin players to kick back portions of their signing bonuses to them	(41)
	Hometown of Dale Earnhardt removes flags in tribute of him because Martha Stewart came to town and thought they'd look tacky	(42)
	Fans at Wrigley field evacuated after tornado sirens go off in Chicago. Things haven't blown this bad on West Addison since Jim Riggleman managed the team	(41)
	Fracas in Brewers' dugout as Prince Fielder hits his own starting pitcher like an all-you-can-eat buffet	(35)

Mon August 04, 2008

(Some Guy)	In an effort to finally catch up to the Tampa Bay Rays, Red Sox fans call for Ted Williams to be defrosted. Cool tag is for Teddy's current state. BRAINS	(92)
	Besides A-Rod, Madonna had opened her heart to another Yankee slugger - Joe DiMaggio	(13)
(Some Guy)	How many 7-year-olds could you take in a fight? Only one if it's this little ass kicker	(68)
	Evolution of the Olympic Torch over the last 70 years	(22)
	Michigan fanboy Adam Rittenberg has three questions for Big Blue. All three have the same answer: SOMEONE better step up	(141)
(Some Guy)	Georgia celebrates their preseason #1 ranking in a way that not even the Bengals can top	(70)
	Jason Giambi dumps lucky mustache, still refuses to part with lucky syringe	(24)
	David Beckham named top athlete at Teen Choice award after receiving millions of call-in votes from employees of the Anschutz Entertainment Group, er, I mean, from kids	(47)
(Some Cheesehead)	In the fight to win the starting QB role, Aaron Rodgers comes out slinging in scrimmage before 56,000 people. Unfortunately, most of his passes were slung to the ground or the defense	(108)
	Raiders and 49ers will tangle in joint workouts. Considering how bad these two teams have been the past several years, somebody must have been smoking a joint to think this would help	(19)
	Former NFL safety Tebucky Jones attempts a comeback with the Cincinnati Bengals	(11)
	Chicago Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood may make a brief appearance on the abled list this weekend	(25)
	Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen admits to ordering his pitchers to intentionally hit batters	(51)
	Quote of the summer: "They thought he would agree to it," the executive said. "Evidently, he didn't agree to it"	(21)
	Mets pitching staff hurting as much as Mets post-season chances	(13)
	Dorsey's knee injury not as bad as Chiefs feared. Chiefs far worse than Dorsey's knee expected	(17)
	Huge news from England cricket: Vaughan and Collingwood step down. Those silly deeps didn't work out for them	(11)
(sportsline)	Freshman signed to play football for Oklahoma booted from team for posting gangsta crap video online	(58)
	In case you were wondering, here's what some of the Bengals had to say about the Griffey trade	(17)
	Shimano introduces electronic shifting for high-end bicycles. Mavic ZAP unavailable for comment as it surrendered in the 1990s. But for bikies, this is super spiffy	(33)