(Goal.com)		Real Madrid president Ramon Calderon is ready to break the bank and offer Manchester United $120m (€80m in metric) for Cristiano Ronaldo, making him the most expensive soccer player ever	(10)
(MLB)		Eric Gagne GAGNEs himself right out of closer duties for the Milwaukee Braves	(22)
(Some Puckhead who loves his mother)		To all of the Hockey mothers out there, NHL playoff game, Flyers vs Penguins game 2 at 7:30pm	(376)
		Celtics extend their perfect road record in the playoffs	(63)
(Some Guy)		Wait, why are we supposed to take sports journalism seriously?	(20)
		Two teams are neck and neck for the title, four teams are fighting to avoid relegation. It's your final Premier League matchday thread	(159)
		Former Arizona lineman Luis Sharpe signs 6-year / $0 deal with Burt Reynolds' prison team	(8)
		Kyle Douche... I mean Busch, wins at Darlington in spite of penalty lap, vagina	(40)
		X	(64)
		Greg Maddux wins 350th game, tells opponents to get off his non-chemically-enhanced lawn, or he'll throw a baseball into whichever body part he pleases	(35)
		Welcome to the NASCARification of horseracing. What can Big Brown do for you?	(15)
		Not News: Rochelle High School wins Texas D 1A state title. Completely awesome: Team consisted of one girl	(38)

		The Franzen. Can he be stopped? NHL Western Conference, Game 2 Discussion Thread	(249)
(PB Post)		The Florida Marlins, picked by everyone to finish last in the NL east because they are basically a glorified minor league team, are off to the best start in team history	(30)
(Some Barista)		Even if Howard Schultz wins his lawsuit to take back the Sonics because new owner Clay Bennett lied to him about wanting to stay in Seattle, Oklahoma City might sue to get the team to move anyway	(12)
		Eight sports you may not have tried (with video goodness)	(21)
		Mike D'Antoni becomes the newest person to climb on board the Knicks' Carnival of Fail	(43)
		Continuing the "everybody is to blame but me" mode of thinking, Rich Rodriguez's attorney says Michigan should pay if Rodriguez loses his lawsuit against West Virginia	(38)
		ESPN releases their college football preseason Top 25 list. University of Michigan conspicuously, though not surprisingly, absent	(172)
		Miguel Tejada promises 8-year old muscular dystrophy patient that he'll hit a home run, then hits one	(30)
		Richie Sexson suspended for six games after taking exception to the Rangers testing the "Richie Sexson would swing at a ball over his head" theory	(56)
		A distressing number of disturbed diehard sporting fans desire to have their dearly departed ashes distributed on the field of decks of their designated sporting team	(7)
		Lenny "Nails" Dykstra is now a jet-setting entrepreneur, but still working on getting the hang of the English language	(19)

		American Express. It's everywhere your friend's dead ex-girlfriend wants to be	(15)
		Mark Cuban has a secret “Bunker Suite” under the AAC where he goes and cries after the Mavericks lose in the playoffs	(10)
		Officials consider permanent ban of women drivers after Danica Patrick runs over a crew member while parallel parking her Indy car	(73)
		Bill Murray helps broadcast a Cubs game in 1987	(9)
(Some Guy)		You thought Cedric Benson's arrest for Boating While Intoxicated was embarrassing?	(20)
		Will the refs give Crosby a 9.0 on his diving? Will the Flyers notice Timonen's out? Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals, Flyers vs Penguins	(293)
(Some Guy)		John Daly shoots 67 to trail by 3 on day 1; shoots 73 to trail by 11 on day 2. That's the Daly we know and love	(10)
(Bob Fitzsimmons)		How the NBA can be realigned to fix the regular season and the playoffs	(115)
		New baseball bats snap in half too easily, sending dangerous projectiles toward players, coaches and fans. Whoever thought it was a good idea to switch to maple was an ash-hole	(42)
		Top five conspiracy theories in sports. Please don your tin foil hats as you enter	(183)
		Senator Arlen Specter (R-eally big Eagles fan) wants the NFL to continue its investigation into the New England Patriots videotaping practices, presumably until it finds something incriminating	(58)
		The only undercover FBI agent badminton player ever to make the cover of Sports Illustrated is dead	(12)
(iht.com)		One hundred years of biffo. Australia vs New Zealand. It's Rugby League	(13)
		Flyers' best defenseman to miss the rest of the playoffs after being clubbed in the ankle by Gary Bettman to ensure Crosby makes the Finals	(167)
		We are all witnesses... to another horrendous shooting display by LeBron James	(89)

(wews)		Papa John's 23 cent Pizza "Apology" going down in Cleveland sports infamy right next to "nickel beer night", "The Drive", "The Fumble", Tim Couch, and letting Jose Mesa pitch in the World Series	(53)
(Some Baller)		Cavs are looking to even things up in the Garden. Spurs try to salvage their season at home. Your NBA Discussion Thread	(101)
		John Daly shoots 67 at Italian Open, dozens wounded	(30)
		Finally The NHL playoffs are back tonight with Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals, Detroit/Dallas @7:30pm EST on Versus	(528)
(KTAR)		Knicks interested in Suns coach Mike D'Antoni to replace Isiah Thomas; continue losing ways	(25)
		Not news: Man bowls 300 game. News: Legally blind man bowls 300 game. Fark: He's a 78-year-old WWII veteran. Difficulty: Do the math	(35)
		Olympic torch reaches Mt. Everest summit, Fires of Gondor are lit, Rohan equestrian team prepares to ride	(22)
		Joe Montana sues ex-wife for selling his love letters from college	(50)
		Matt Walsh provides the smoking gun needed to prove the Patriots cheated. Just kidding, he provides absolutely nothing the Patriots didn't disclose on their own. Kurt Warner's God unavailable for comment	(185)
		NBA commissioner David Sterns wants to review policies on Hack-a-Shaq strategy, clock issues	(123)
(Some Guy)		Barry Zito > AL	(43)
		Grapes to appear on ESPN during conference finals. A reminder for our American friends, please have proper eye protection before viewing Don Cherry's suits	(80)
		In spite of his big suitcase full of vials, syringes, steroids, stimulants, and human growth hormones, Roger Clemens will be unwelcome at the Human Rights Violation Games	(10)
(Some Guy)		Reds mascot loses his head (video). Cubs pitchers lose their arms. J.J. Redick still hasn't lost his virginity	(14)

		Former Indy 500 champ Bobby Rahal reviews 'Speed Racer': "Only highlight for me was that there was nothing about NASCAR in it"	(38)
		Ozzie Guillen won't apologize for inflatable doll incident, says the issue has been blown up way out of proportion	(43)
		Who else is pumped for the NBA playoffs tonight? Pistons/Magic @8pm, Lakers/Jazz @10:30pm (TNT doubleheader)	(98)
		I don't know what's more surprising: that Karl Malone impregnated a 13 year old girl, or that Jemele Hill wrote a coherent article	(79)
(The Enquirer)		Ken Griffey, Jr wants out of Cincinnati, will have to get in line	(66)
(Some Guy)		It's not Rick Ankiel's fault the pitching mound is so close to the plate	(100)
		Fresh off their first trip to the playoffs in a decade and nearly pulling the upset of all time in the NBA playoffs, Hawks GM stepping out of the nest	(15)
(Chattanoogan)		Tennessee cops don't take kindly to "obscene" bumper sticker insulting UT Coach Phil Fulmer. Now, if it had been insulting to Steve Spurrier, things would have been just fine	(39)
(Fan590)		Tired of all those playoff teams stealing the headlines, the Toronto Maple Leafs fire coach Paul Maurice	(48)
		Precious snowflake doesn't get along with the new football coach. Lawyers to the rescue	(40)
		Attention, Pittsburgh Pirates batters: Please form an orderly line at home plate, and do not fight at the bat rack. You will all get a chance to tee off on Barry Zito	(30)
		Support is growing to have golf recognized as an Olympic sport. Other featured events at the 2012 games will include bocce, slip-and-slide, and lawn darts	(56)
		Bud Selig orders Chicago White Sox to remove supposedly unviolated inflatable dolls from the clubhouse	(138)
		Mets/Dodgers game includes L.A. rookie 3rd basemen hitting inside-the-park homer, N.Y.'s Moises Alou stealing home (with video highlights)	(28)
(MLB.com)		What do you MEAN no team wants a 43 year old clubhouse cancer with one knee and a federal indictment??	(49)
		Boston leads Cleveland 76-72 after 3, wait... what? That's a final score?	(48)
		Gavin Floyd of the White Sox throws a no hitt... nevermind, he pitches a good game	(22)
(mlb.com)		Major League Baseball teams to draft surviving Negro Leagues players. Yankees plan on obtaining a starting pitcher out of the deal	(16)
(Some Guy)		The Lingerie Football League regrettably puts speed ahead of chest size at their parking lot combine	(11)
		Kobe Bryant wins first MVP, settles off the court	(58)

(Some Yinzer)		Irony -(n) rooting for the Penguins to beat the Flyers in the playoffs as a young boy, then getting drafted by the Flyers who will meet the Penguins in the conference championships. (Smitter from Plum, hates Flyers.)	(47)
		The Dallas Cowboys have officially been eliminated from the 2009 playoffs	(31)
		SI discovers The Franzen. In other news, no one can stop it	(26)
(Some Baller)		Can LeBron and the Cavs win one in the Garden? CLE v BOS Game 1 discussion thread	(100)
		A-Rod's "wife" says he's a wimp. Derek Jeter says "ohnoyoudidnt"	(31)
		Super Bowl ads will cost $3 million per 30-second spot. Considering the state of the economy, next year's Super Bowl will be brought to you by Smith & Wesson, Campbell's Soup and Carl's Jr	(24)
		Who's smart enough to tell the difference between 4.6 seconds and 5.2 seconds without a clock? Steve Javie, Joe Forte and Derrick Stafford of course. Who are they, you ask? NBA referees	(76)
		YANKEES SUC-- *thump*	(160)
		Old man throwing 78 mph fastballs in his 558th start beats young whippersnapper throwing 98 mph fastballs in his first start. Now get off his infield	(45)
		After wearing it continuously for four straight years, boy finally retires his Favre jersey	(29)
		Ervin Santana and Joe Saunders become the eighth pair of teammates to start a season 6-0 since 1920. Who and who?	(17)
(Some Guy)		Pujols finds new way to win game: Scores from second on ground ball out	(60)
		Newcastle United manager Kevin Keegan on trying to win the Premier League: "What I can say to the fans is that we will be trying to get fifth..." Way to shoot for the top Kev	(49)
		How is Moscow welcoming jolly ol' England for the Champions League final? $12,000 per ticket, that's how	(7)
		CP3Owned	(77)
		Cancer-stricken high school baseball player, given two months to live, called up to pinch hit -- and belts a single	(123)

		Peter King gives his NFL rankings . This list is an auto FAIL because a) It's May and b) Oakland in not dead last	(112)
		Cedric The No-Yard-Gainer to fight drunk boating charges, says "there was no resistance" on his part. Well, if it's the same kind of resistance he puts towards tackling defenders, he may have a point	(25)
		Brazilian soccer star Ronaldo is very ashamed for hiring three transvestites in Rio, he claims he “cried a lot afterwards”. Isn’t what always happens?	(116)
		Rangers' Avery released from hospital just in time to join his teammates on the golf course	(53)
		They tried to make Dennis Rodman go to rehab, but he said, "You know, I really, really, really hate that song... but yes, I'll go."	(57)
		Ozzie Guillen breaks his own record for most bleeps in a pregame tirade. It's just Ozzie being Ozzie	(38)
		Hundred-percent true story: Arsenal beat Leeds 4-1 last night to win the FA Cup and secure the double. This is a bit of a down season for them, having won the quad last year	(33)
(Some Guy)		Kentucky Derby announcer makes a boob of himself	(25)
(Some Guy)		Florida quarterback Tim Tebow just got back from spring break, where he helped circumcise impoverished children in the Philippines	(75)
		Roger Clemens apologizes for "personal mistakes," and by "personal mistakes," he means screwing every female he has ever met. Apparently, steroid use doesn't fall under that category	(92)
		With John Force beating Ron Capps in the first round yesterday, Force became the first driver with 1000 round wins in NHRA history	(17)
		Video footage of the Central Washington players carrying the injured Western Oregon softball player around the bases in one of the best sports stories of the year	(150)
		The 10 most inappropriately named sport teams	(114)
		Stars beat Sharks in 4th OT to take the series	(85)
		After enough sniveling by LeBron James, Papa John's apologizes for calling him a crybaby. Does ANYONE just play a sport anymore?	(42)
		In its normal, calm and objective manner, PETA calls for the suspension of the jockey that rode Eight Belles before she collapsed	(184)